#nearly got reversed because of vertin

[sleeplesssmoll]

Vertin has an easier time of letting go and moving forward now after getting so used to it, but the past is eventually gonna catch up to her and that weight becomes unbearable. How long until she's forced to face that unprocessed grief? Until she learns how to help others without it being at her own expense?

How long would it take for her to re-learn how to enjoy the present/her life without feeling immesnely guilty for what would never be and might've been, and indulge in her interests again without feeling that its selfish?

The survivor guilt and savior complex are real. Now that she isn't alone anymore, I hope she is able to see the value in her own life as much as she sees it in others.

PREPARE FOR MORE ANALYSIS AND LORE!

Sometimes I wonder if Vertin feels like she needs to live for the sake of other people. She has to remember them because the world won't once its Reversed. She has to find the truth and stop the Storm for all the people she's lost to it. Now that she has people under her personal protection, she pushes herself even more to be everything they need her to be.

I think the one thing she wants for herself and not for the sake of others, is the truth about her mother. Mr. Man mentions Vertin's rationale a lot, but he also prods at the trauma she holds in many of their interactions. He's pretty abrasive about it too. Here is one of my favorites for character analysis reasons. Chapter 4-20 Outside the Spotlight:

Here is just one example (there is more to this and some was cut out for readability). This is kinda what inspired me to write the fic tbh because it shows how helpless Vertin really is in the face of the Storm. The idea of Vertin wanting to create a perfect shelter for those close to her might be from the trauma of loss and is a way she copes. From the context clues this is when Vertin was at a ceremony for the new St. Pavlov Foundation Squad Leaders. Vertin is shocked to see Sonetto amongst them the others on stage.

Not only that, but the same people who allowed her friends to get Reversed are saving Sonetto for her. It's like Vertin sees Sonetto as someone she is supposed to be protecting and yet, there she is. Sonetto is standing on stage with other arcanists destined to be martyrs. It's symbolic of Vertin's own failure.

Sonetto isn't safe. No arcanist is safe under the Foundation. Look at what happened to poor Ken! She is worried about her other friends, but she is made painfully aware of how little she can do.

But she tries. And she keeps trying no matter how pointless her efforts are in the grand scheme.

[dnangelic]

@puppetmuseum asked: [late christmas ask coughs] "Oh, you're both here." Vertin said, as if it wasn't her that was truly out of place in the Niwa residence. She was glad that they still had a home to return to, that it hadn't been reversed yet. It likely offered a great reprieve from all the work Vertin had them doing. But work was not the reason that Vertin was here. Infact, she was here specifically because it was a holiday. Though how that attributed to her change of clothes, a white and teal suit, was another thing entirely. "I came to drop off your presents." She gestured towards the Christmas tree in the corner of the room, where one large red and purple bag were placed. Because yes, the residence of the suitcase got both of the thieves presents. She hoped it would be a nice surprise for Dark especially to not be left out of the festivities. "And then, well, me and Mrs. Niwa got talking and..." She ran her hand down the front of her suit, eyes adverting slightly. Was she...embarrassed? Vertin? "She seems to be excited that some of the clothes she made are in my size, so I suppose I'll be dropping by more often to model them for her. If that is alright....?"

' VERTIN ?! ' he nearly drops all his things in an instant . nearly blurts out what the heck are you doing in my house ?! too . meeting one another out and about or inside of the suitcase was one thing , but seeing anyone that wasn't his immediate family or a live artwork standing in the living room of his family mansion --- a-ah , no , it should have been okay because vertin was an arcanist , right ? she already knew all about him and things like magic ... !

still , what a surprise ! one thing if not another , first her appearance , then her literal appearance , a hand quick to cover the space of his chest , the boy's palm set timid over the building thrum of his heart . wonder quells some of the pounding thunder --- he's never seen her dressed anything even close to like this , but the pure white and cool blues made for a breathtaking ensemble . a stillness sweeps over him , and it's only after he comes to senses that he realizes --- hopelessly , he's transformed .

' ... mm , emiko's really outdone herself this time . ' ignoring the embarrassed , flustered sounds echoing inside of his head , happily humming to himself over the noisy din of it , the great phantom thief steps forwards in a practiced glide --- all to precede the touch of his frigid fingers at the timekeeper's chin . delicately , he tries to return the set of her gaze to him , his own eyes pinching fond and tender at the corners . ' what a wonderful present . is it really all for me ? '

he teases because he can't help it . funny to see someone else at last struck by the practiced hobby and impeccable taste of daisuke's mother , but though his lips split into their usual sharp and playful grin , not a single breath is wasted mocking or laughing at her , the deep crimsons of his eyes glimmering instead . a little bit of veracity would not hurt ; not when vertin and his very own host were both deigning to feel awkward and shy .

' you look exquisite . ' and then , ' visit as often as you like . no one in their right mind would ever deny the privilege of getting to see more of you . '

his touch retreats as gently as it had arrived , a glance given to her delivery . funny , was there ever a point in giving a group of thieves even more things ? it's the act alone that moves him ; that fills him with another equal , silent wonder . it's just a little too good , too kind for him . ( the bags look completely stuffed . do we really deserve something like this ... ? )

maybe , maybe not . what mattered was that vertin had delivered such things to them regardless . the palm of his hand reaches out to caress her cheek , and in this last act , the niwa nigh immediately returns to himself . his hand too is snatched back with a small yelp , digits clutching at his own wrist as if they had turned brief traitor to himself . ' uh --- sorry ! sorry , about him ... '

' b-but --- it's true , you know ? even i've always thought it was really embarrassing , but my mom does a good job ... i've gotta admit . i'm sure it makes her really happy too , so ... ' ( ah , just come out and say it already --- ! ) ' it ... it's really nice to see you , vertin ! it's more than alright , we'd be happy to have you over , any time ! '

... and besides , stoic but considerate , hardworking but always so unassuming --- daisuke couldn't help but feel as if vertin readily deserved countless blessings and a proper amount of gratitude , too .