#im just looking for opportunities to scream how much i love Vertin

[sleeplesssmoll]

Vertin has an easier time of letting go and moving forward now after getting so used to it, but the past is eventually gonna catch up to her and that weight becomes unbearable. How long until she's forced to face that unprocessed grief? Until she learns how to help others without it being at her own expense?

How long would it take for her to re-learn how to enjoy the present/her life without feeling immesnely guilty for what would never be and might've been, and indulge in her interests again without feeling that its selfish?

The survivor guilt and savior complex are real. Now that she isn't alone anymore, I hope she is able to see the value in her own life as much as she sees it in others.

PREPARE FOR MORE ANALYSIS AND LORE!

Sometimes I wonder if Vertin feels like she needs to live for the sake of other people. She has to remember them because the world won't once its Reversed. She has to find the truth and stop the Storm for all the people she's lost to it. Now that she has people under her personal protection, she pushes herself even more to be everything they need her to be.

I think the one thing she wants for herself and not for the sake of others, is the truth about her mother. Mr. Man mentions Vertin's rationale a lot, but he also prods at the trauma she holds in many of their interactions. He's pretty abrasive about it too. Here is one of my favorites for character analysis reasons. Chapter 4-20 Outside the Spotlight:

Here is just one example (there is more to this and some was cut out for readability). This is kinda what inspired me to write the fic tbh because it shows how helpless Vertin really is in the face of the Storm. The idea of Vertin wanting to create a perfect shelter for those close to her might be from the trauma of loss and is a way she copes. From the context clues this is when Vertin was at a ceremony for the new St. Pavlov Foundation Squad Leaders. Vertin is shocked to see Sonetto amongst them the others on stage.

Not only that, but the same people who allowed her friends to get Reversed are saving Sonetto for her. It's like Vertin sees Sonetto as someone she is supposed to be protecting and yet, there she is. Sonetto is standing on stage with other arcanists destined to be martyrs. It's symbolic of Vertin's own failure.

Sonetto isn't safe. No arcanist is safe under the Foundation. Look at what happened to poor Ken! She is worried about her other friends, but she is made painfully aware of how little she can do.

But she tries. And she keeps trying no matter how pointless her efforts are in the grand scheme.