#nearly all the people that are criticizing are doing so bc of the person

[mythicalthing]

I truly am tired of talking about it but I just wanna point out that much of the criticism had nothing to do with her being in love/rebounding/whatever the hell it's literally the person. "Be so serious" okay but why with him he's a bigot

[soobrat]

pit stop; cyj

🖊️⇝ pairing; afab, blk!reader x yeonjun

🖊️⇝ word count; 8.3k

🖊️⇝ genre; friends 2 lovers, smut, fluff, & light angst

🖊️⇝synopsis; you should probably buy a lottery ticket with how luck you are when it comes to running into celebrities... despite just moving to a new country

🖊️⇝ warnings; very cliche "forbidden love w/ an idol" trope, end is unedited, mc thirsting heavily for mingi, heat of the moment sex, PIV, unprotected sex (mc is on bc), creampie, squirting, cum eating, cunnilingus, overstimulation, slight posessiveness, mc has faux locs at one point

📜⇝ HAPPY BHM!!!!! Would you believe me if I said I started this last BHM? :D Anyways if you're not a black woman you should still read this because it slaps. It would've been even better if I managed to post during valentine's day too.

There are many things that can go wrong in a foreign country all on your own, but for your own health, you push them to the wayside. Maybe you pushed them too far because now you’re stranded with a flat tire miles away from where you’ll be staying. It’s only your first day and you already managed to fuck it up. You have to commend your ability to surprise yourself even after all these years.

You don’t have a local SIM card and your phone is completely off. You should’ve listened to the internet when they gave you a long list of how to prepare your phone when moving abroad. Now it’s useless. You laugh humorlessly as the odds continue to stack against you. Do people stop for hitchhikers in Korea?

You try anyway, you know enough Korean to give them an idea of how to help you. Many cars slow down but zero cars stop. Some even roll down their windows to stare into your eyes as they leave you stranded. You don’t have proof, but you swear one of them took a picture. You can’t be appalled by their actions, it’s not like you came from the most friendly country anyway.

“Come on, people. Just a little slack. Cut me just a little.” You murmur desperately, forcing a strained smile as you wave down another car. It’s another window roller that leaves you behind. You suppose it must be a strange sight. And maybe they’re worried you don’t speak Korean. There you go again, waving any worrying conclusions away. Don’t wanna prove your family right.

Then comes yet another car slowing down. Except, this one is slowing to a stop. It’s a flashy car, much flashier than anything you’ve seen thus far. You don’t know much about cars, but you know the person you see once the window rolls down must be well off. He peeks at you with intrigue and a bit of amusement, his sly vibe fitting for his fox-like features.

“Need help?”

You nearly collapse to your knees in relief. Not only is he stopping to help you but he can speak English so you don’t have to embarrass yourself. “Yes! My car has a flat. My phone doesn’t work, I just need car… service… people.” God, can you speak English? You’re already huffing, looking really weird to this handsome rich man and the other handsome rich man in the passenger seat. 

“Are you a MOA?” Yet another man pokes his head out from the backseat to peek at you. His eyes are critical despite their roundness. He raises his eyebrows in a way that makes you think there’s a wrong answer. Your brain is already overworked for the day so you answer honestly. “I’m sorry, I have no clue what that is.”

Assuming you can’t understand, he mumbles “leave her” in Korean and slinks back into the backseat. 

“I’ll call the car service people for you.” The driver smirks and you can tell he’s making fun of you. You just force a smile and thank the man before retreating back into your car. Shut inside the one space familiar to you feels like finally getting a moment to breathe and reflect. This is just a little hiccup. Soon you’ll be at your new home and next week you’ll be working again. 

You were consumed in a book whenever help arrives, and lifting your head, you notice that flashy car is still there.

Luckily enough, the maintenance truck had an inflated spare available and you were on your way, but not before thanking the driver. As you approach he rolls the window down again before leaning his arm on the door.

“Thank you so much, I’m not sure how long I would’ve been out here if you didn’t help me.” You sigh. You weren’t sure what you could offer him to express your gratitude, you were pretty useless as of now. 

“It’s no problem. The least I can ask for is that you don’t tell anyone you saw us here.”

You have trouble keeping a smile on your face as a hint of dread sets in. Why wouldn’t they be allowed in the countryside? Were they criminals? Is this a common location for crime?

“I know you don’t know us yet, but in case you find out from the internet, just keep this between us.”

You did not find out from the internet. You found out eight days later when you saw a cardboard cut out of the driver in the mall. Holding up a makeup product he didn’t need with a smile that almost hides the eternal mischief hidden in his expression both times you’ve seen him. This whole time you thought they were notorious criminals and you were going to get booked before you even stepped foot at home. But no, the nice car was from them being idols, not criminals.

Maybe you were a bit in the dark about k-pop idols, but why weren’t they allowed to drive around? You hold that thought, possibly forever because you had just experienced a pretty rare occurrence so early into your move.  

-🖊️⇝

Tonight was your first office party since your move. Your boss saved up to rent out a hotel venue and even scored you and your coworkers rooms for the night. Less risky without the threat of drunk driving or getting kidnapped you guess.

“I could only book the ballroom today, so I’m sorry but you can’t wander around. You can only go in this room and the floor where your rooms are located. There’s a celebrity staying here and the hotel is pretty much on lockdown.”

Your coworkers immediately get to gossiping about who’s here and all you can do is marvel at the odds. There was no way you’d be meeting another celebrity. The odds are even more unfathomable than you previously thought. You break the rules on accident, drunkenly tapping the wrong floor number. Your eyes are closed when you stumble out and run into someone tall. 

“Um, this floor is… off limits.” The man grabs you by your shoulders and holds you at arm's length. Your head lolls back and you get a good look at the guy and he, in turn, gets a glimpse of you. His jaw drops open and he looks over to the other men behind him. Your brain had been too debilitated to translate Korean. 

“Hey! Are you that girl? Flat tire?” A familiar voice rings out and snaps you from your daze and you attempt to hold your head up straight. “Yeah! Car service people!” The driver whose name you’re sure starts with a Y says excitedly. Again with the mischief, sticking its pesky little head out more confidently with the teasing nickname.

“No way it’s you guys again.” You chuckle drowsily.

“Yes way!” The blond man lets go of your shoulders.

“Are you a MOA yet?” It was the one from the backseat asking the same question yet again. It completely slipped your mind to figure out what that meant.

“I still have no idea what that is.” You flash a tight smile as he narrows his eyes at you. One of the two you haven’t spoken to yet says something frantically to the others in Korean before they all turn to look at you. 

“Hey… do you want some water?” Y approaches you, speaking almost like he’s about to sell you something. Your eyes roll back, your urge to rest almost winning the fight.

“I want to go to sleep.”

“Let’s get you some water!” The blond one says enthusiastically before ushering you into a door down the hall. They talk to each other as you gulp down a cold bottle of water, slumped in the living chair they frantically cleared for you. This would help with your hangover tomorrow anyway. After they deliberate with themselves Y turns to you.

“Is your party still happening?” He kneels before you, talking to you like a lost child.

“Yeah, I left early.”

“Great! We were gonna sneak down there ourselves, but you going back would be easier.”

“You want me to go back?” You barely swallow your water before you ask. “Yeah. All we were given was fruit. We can’t survive on fruit and the food smells so good.” He pleads with his eyes before the blond chips in. 

“Please? We’re hungry.”

Downing your second bottle, you look at them warily as your mind sobers up. “You guys are famous. Can’t you just get room service?”

“No, we’re banned from it. They told the hotel not to serve us.” The black-haired one who looks to be the tallest or close to it pipes in. Much too massive for his youthful vibe.

You look at each pair of puppy eyes incredulously. “So they’re starving you?”

Yeonjun is quick to clear the air, starting to explain again that they had fruit before Mr. MOA interrupts him. “Yes!! We’re starving!” His whining is cut off by the blond scolding him.

“What are your names?” You ask once you realize you have no idea. 

You learn each of their names and each of the food items they want brought to them. You have five styrofoam containers filled to the brim in both arms as you board the elevator. You’re aware they’re exaggerating, but concern for them still flares up. They were pretty thin, and you’ve heard whispers of their insane diets. But you do what you do best. They seem fine, and they wouldn’t have the energy they’re exhibiting currently if something was wrong.

Thankfully, no one was on there with you. That is, until you see that someone had pressed the button from your floor. You stand there awkwardly as your coworker looks at you like you have five heads. Then he sees that you’ve pressed the button for a forbidden floor.

“K-pop fan?”

You sigh, shifting the containers in your hands. “No. I’m acting as a food delivery service.”

“Ah.” He doesn’t press you, nor will he say anything. None of your coworkers are the type. The idols are waiting impatiently by the elevator when the door opens, hurriedly unloading each container.

How you ended up with five grown men in your hotel room was really a blur. Apparently their manager might walk in and bust them if they stay in their room. “We’ll be quick!” They promised.

Now Beomgyu and Kai are napping on your bed while you lean against the wall. Yeonjun’s eating whatever is left over in the living chair in the corner, smiling happily at you. 

“I love you. I could kiss you.” He manages with his cheeks full of food. 

You give him a tight smile, familiar with his habitual attempts to fluster you by now. “That’s not necessary. Your manager is probably looking for you guys.”

“Nah. We’re allowed to wander around as long as we’re in our room before 1 am. Today was our last day.” You chew on his words as he chews on the remnants of his food. He swallows hard, forcing what seems to be a painfully large chunk of food down his throat. Food seems to placate his teasing disposition, a thought that makes you cover your mouth to conceal your smirk. It takes a moment for him to recuperate before he speaks again.

"What do you wanna do right now?" He narrows his eyes, pointing his plastic cutlery at you.

You’re not sure what he means exactly, even after taking a moment to let your eyes flit around the room. So you do what you usually do, shrug and be honest. "Around this time I'd be playing some game until my eyes are painfully dry."

He halts mid container disposal to peer at you excitedly. "You play video games? Which ones?"

Finally, something you were a natural at talking about. "I like games like Minecraft or Rust, but I dabble in FPS games too-" You get caught up in one of your favorite conversation topics, surprised when Yeonjun dumps his trash quickly before marching over to you and taking your hands.

"Oh please tell me you play Valorant."

"Yeah, like I said, I dabble-"

"Okay, I'm really gonna kiss you."

“Don’t you dare-” Your words are cut off by a chaotic mixture of a gasp and laugh when he pokes his lips out, leaning in slowly. He unpuckers his lips and they settle into a smirk. The realization of how close you are to each other sets in and brings about a strong flow of energy between you two. You shake his hands off yours and shove him away, forcibly resuming your playful aura. He laughs, widening his eyes once it dies down.

“Oh, I cannot wait to kick your ass.” He points, eyes posing as a warning. You huff as you pick up a towel. You sling it over your shoulder before raising your eyebrows at him. “Is that a bet or a promise?” 

And to think if your office party was planned even a day later, you would’ve probably never seen them again. Yeonjun nabs your phone while you were in the bathroom, sticking his number in there. The first important milestone of your relationship with the boys was being added to their group chat. Then you visited their dorms and them, your apartment. You weren’t aware of the transition, you just looked up and it felt natural to be around each other.

“___’s on!” Yeonjun cheers through your headset. He pauses once you turn on your webcam. “You found a hairstylist?”

“Yeah. Turns out there are black ones here. I never knew.” You reply, half paying attention as you adjust your camera.

“I know there’s a Korean name for that style but I feel like it’s… not correct. What’s it called in English?”

“Locs! Do you like ‘em?” You comb your fingers through each loc, careful not to tug at your tender scalp. “They fit you so well I forgot how you looked before.” He says as if he’s shocked by his own accuracy.

“You’re so right. I should’ve popped out the womb with locs.” You chuckle to yourself, unable to stop playing with your hair. Yeonjun has that look on his face like he’s about to smart-mouth you. “Locs and not wounding your own teammates would’ve been really handy.” He tries to quip quickly in an attempt to fly under your radar.

Your smile is immediately wiped off your face. “It was an off day for me, how many times do we have to go over this?”

“Next time your favorite character dies don’t come online.”

“I knew I should’ve hung out with Taehyun today.” You transition from excitement to insults like it's nothing. These boys definitely make it easy.

“Yeah, whatever. Are you coming to Mingi’s party next week or do you have work.” He says as if the word itself affronted him. New names were constantly thrown at you. You took a break from researching and watching videos because it was just too much. 

“Why are you always so offended by my job? And I’ll see if I can make it.”

It makes it even harder to consume content about these idols when you think of what they go through. From these five alone, you can tell how hungry these idols are to be in this position. They put up with so much and you can’t help thinking their companies take advantage of that.

“You know, you never told me why you weren’t allowed to drive around the day we met.”

An effortless transition is made again as Yeonjun sets aside his teasing. “We have a lot of rules. Like, a lot. It’s no problem, we all knew what we were signing up for pretty much. It feels kinda pointless to go through all that work just to get in trouble, so we hold each other accountable.”

“I’m guessing that’s not counting the hotel food heist?” You bring up with a snort. It feels a little silly to make an exception for food.

“That was a small rule, and we just finished the final concert of a very tiring tour. The day we met I rented a car after a full month of grueling practice hours with little to no sleep. We were hysterical. So we took a ride.”

The boys seem alright. They’re full of life most days and with no context, you would have no idea what they’re going through. He informs you that this party is another one of those exceptions. There are secret parties thrown constantly but it was reckless to go without thorough planning. You like the thought of them getting a proper break and they really want you to come, so you do what you never do: call in fake sick to work.

But not before attempting a little research. Perhaps a different approach would help. You’re picking at scraps since you only have one internet friend who likes kpop. What if they never heard of him?

___: Y’all who is Mingi

You sent out the tweet before you went to sleep. You had just gotten your ass handed to you on Valorant so you didn’t feel like being let down that same night. You woke up to more notifications you’ve seen on all your social media accounts combined.

mingitzsong: you mean our lightskin king Malik???

That was not the tweet you expected from your friend, not by a long shot. Nor were you expecting the “my moot has a hit tweet!” DM.

Your notifications were flooded with fancams, edits, pictures– is that a video of him grabbing his…?

It was too early and you had gone too long without being satisfied by another person so this was all going to your head. You couldn’t tell if you were a stan now or just horny. You wanted him on your wall… or inside you. 

So maybe that was the real reason you were okay with lying to your boss, but it was much more touching to say it was to please your friends. 

-🖊️⇝

You enter the function excited to see the guys. Mingi too, but you were trying to seem less eager about that. You find the two youngest members first talking to a group of unfamiliar people. You try to sneak past, intending to say hi when there weren’t people to be introduced to. But alas, they saw you and you met a few idols their age. Then you run into Soobin coming out of the bathroom. “You made it!” His excited smile was ten times cuter when he was tipsy. He pulls you into a big tight hug and it’s so unlike him. He seemed to have an aversion to touching anyone when it wasn’t necessary. Drunk Soobin was unbearably adorable and it took everything in you to not stay with him and pinch his cheeks. But you needed to find the other members.

The club Mingi rented out is not ideal for finding friends. There are two floors and this is your third time walking down the stairs. You haven’t even seen the host himself yet. With his height, it shouldn’t be easy to miss him. As you walk past the large dance floor you become privy to the reason you haven’t found them. Your head naturally lowers, your eyes automatically avoiding the dancing bodies. It wasn’t your fault, your tendency to avoid large groups of people is written deep inside your DNA. It was time to stop beating around the bush, so you enter the group of dancing bodies. 

It felt like miles of grazing people despite trying your best to shrink into yourself. In the heart of the group were the three you were looking for. They were lost in the music and possibly a bit drunk. Yeonjun casts a glance to see who was approaching before wordlessly holding out his hand. You accept with exaggerated confidence, fake it ‘til you make it. It was easier than you thought to dance smack dab in the middle of the dance floor. Your focus had been locked on the tall man before you, your body on autopilot as it sways to the music. He guides you closer by your hand with undoubtedly genuine confidence sewn into his smirk. You find yourself naturally smiling, unable to shake the shyness that overcomes you. He was doing it again, but this time you took the bait and let yourself be reeled up to shore. Forced out of your comfort zone, but you couldn’t find it in you to complain.

“Who is that?” You hear a deep masculine voice say to your left. Your eyes stay glued to Yeonjun like you’re physically unable to look away, and you swear he’s having the same problem. But you eventually do. Mingi is still looking at Beomgyu until he answers, only then does he grace you with eye contact. The wind is pulled from your lungs as you gasp. You were too distracted by Yeonjun to fully bask in his glory.

“Well. Here he is in person.” Yeonjun fails to pull your attention away even when he rests his hand on your shoulder. “This is ___.”

Mingi makes a sound of understanding, nodding as he not so subtly rakes his eyes up and down your body. It takes everything in you not to shiver. He repeats your name with a small smile that makes your heart skip rope. 

“It’s nice to meet you.” He bows slightly before rising with his cheeks squinting his eyes. “I’m a rapper, my group is called ATEEZ.” 

I know, you’re tempted to say. “It’s nice to meet you, too.” You bow back, restraining the locs that fall over your eyes. 

“You’re… very beautiful.” His eyes fall again, taking their time coming back to your face before flashing a seductive smirk. You bite your lip, acute amounts of shame stirring with the arousal in your belly as the tension thickens in such a public space.

The members of TXT are long forgotten as you’re sat at the bar with the handsome Mingi. You talk for hours, though it’s mostly flirting and subtle invitations. As much as you can communicate with your limited Korean. You’re glad it’s gotten good enough that you can understand what he tells you next. According to Mingi, there are no restrictions in his company when it comes to doing… it. If they’re of age, they can do whoever they want to their heart’s content. As long as they’re not reckless. TXT has to plan in advance for your visits and they have three emergency escape or hide strategies just in case. That’s just for being seen with you.

There’s heat brewing between your legs. You’d be a huge liar if you said being around handsome men that you couldn’t think about touching wasn’t slightly torturous. Not even a little tipsy quicky you could pretend didn’t happen. No kissing. Hugging was even a stretch. Even if there’s a fuckload of chemistry, gotta ignore it. But this man, the same one you’ve been fantasizing about, can touch you in ways that has heat traveling throughout your entire body.

“What do you think?” He asks with a raise of his eyebrows. You agree in a way you hope doesn’t seem desperate, but in the end who cares? Not you when he leans closer, taking a moment to take in a quick breath before closing the distance. Butterflies swirl and thrash in your stomach as excitement takes over. It’s your fault the kiss escalates but you still can’t care about shame when your dreams are coming true. 

His tongue feels like heaven against yours, sinfully wet to the point where you can’t help thinking of it somewhere else. He inhales deeply through his nose and you can feel the ensuing groan in your spine.

A frantic voice pulls the two of you apart, someone talking about an emergency. He and Mingi share an exchange before Mingi looks back at you. He sighs disappointedly. “Ah, I’m sorry. Maybe next time.” He winks before being whisked away, vanishing like he did every morning when your sweet dreams slip between your fingers.

You and Yeonjun don’t see each other for the rest of the party, you stay at the bar to sulk. Yeonjun was buzzing after the brief dance you shared. Your hand was so soft, and the way you looked at him… he’d never seen that from you before. If no one had taken your attention he doesn’t know what might’ve happened. He shakes the thought away as if it were a physical intrusion. 

When you kept asking about Mingi before the party, Yeonjun thought nothing of it. You were basically clueless about the industry and he was happy to fill you in. But the way you looked at him, sure it wasn’t as loaded or intimate (or unprovocative) but you looked starstruck. It would sting a little if you didn’t become a fan from their music but from someone else’s.

Yeonjun’s body had become entirely tense, unable to dance in a carefree way after you took over his mind. There was a whole lot of conflict going on in his brain but not a lot of solutions. What does it matter? It’s not like you’re gonna stop being friends with them. You’ve given their home life a level of excitement and joy that it hasn’t reached before, and they didn’t have to train for months to receive it. All Yeonjun had to do was kick back, look over with a smile to see that you’re smiling back. 

The next time you see each other is outside the club next to their van. “Hey, you disappeared.” Yeonjun shoves his hands in his pockets before nudging you with his elbow. You glance up at him, but it’s like your neck’s made of rubber. Drunk like him, but way worse at concealing it. Soobin explains that he found you by the bar and decided to help get you home. 

In the backseat between Yeonjun and Taehyun, you’re restless. You keep whining and fidgeting until Taehyun asks you what’s wrong. “I’m just frustrated.”

Confused by this progression, Yeonjun turns toward you with a curious frown. “Did something happen with Mingi?”

“He had to leave.” You whimper before letting your head fall on Yeonjun’s shoulder. When you lift your face to look at him you’re way too close for it not to be a problem. He’s hesitant, but Yeonjun allows his face to linger in this dangerous proximity. “I’m still a little worked up.” Your eyes flit down to his lips and he gasps lightly. He casts a quick glance at his members. Taehyun was looking down into his lap, brows tight. The other members seem to be minding their own business. Getting the idea before he even looks back at you, Yeonjun’s heart flips.

When he turns his head again you scoot closer. The lights of the city whiz past, shadows obscuring your features before painting them in vibrant hues. Each aspect of your face that he tried not to think about lay before him in a way so breathtaking he can’t think straight. He usually stops himself by now out of fear that he’ll become obsessed with you. Then he feels the tip of your nose brush against his, signaling how close he is to breaching an important rule. Just then, the van passes through a tunnel, cloaking the entire vehicle in a dimmer light. His heart stills, time stills as the drowsy look wipes off your face. You pull back a bit to flash him a genuine look. As if you’re also considering this.

Yeonjun is closing in just as the van leaves the tunnel, moving fast but not fast enough.

“Hey, break it up!” A bright light is flashed in both your faces. Yeonjun squints and blocks the light, unable to pull away from you because it feels like snuffing out this flame will leave him stranded in the tundra. But Soobin sounded frantic, and he’d hate to stress out his friend and leader. So he pulls away and he’s right. It’s frigid and cold.

“What happened?” Kai sits up from his chair and glances at Soobin before peering at the back seat.

Soobin sighs, clearly hesitant to report this. “He almost kissed her.”

Their reactions vary from shocked to worried to a little frustrated. “That’s like… the biggest thing, hyung.” Soobin pleads for Yeonjun’s understanding with his eyes. Yeonjun nips at his top lip, unable to curb his embarrassment and disappointment. “I know, I know.” He sends a hand through his hair frustratedly.

You sit stiffly between the two men as Taehyun gears up to say something. All this for a kiss? One you were admittedly excited for. Still, you don’t have it in you to get angry at them. Like Yeonjun said. They worked hard for this. It’s silly to risk it all over a kiss. Even if that label makes your heart sink.

“You guys know I won’t say anything. I’m already risking getting fired over driving you here.” The driver pipes up as he casts a quick glance at the rearview mirror. 

“It’s not about that, we can’t slip up.” Taehyun finally speaks, eyes cutting at Yeonjun. “At all.”

“I said I know.” Yeonjun speaks with more conviction that raises the tension considerably. Everyone else in the car can feel it. You send nervous glances to the other three who seem to be doing the same. “It’s fine! We’ve all been drinking, so.” Kai tries, his nervous smile flickering out when he looks back. Taehyun has his jaw clenched as he stares out the window and Yeonjun is clearly pissed off.

“Exactly, let’s just drop it. Nothing happened anyway.” Soobin adds authoritatively, looking back at the two who don’t return his glance.

Everyone does as much, leaving the car unbearably quiet. When you arrive at your apartment you say quiet goodbyes to everyone including Jun who gives you a cautious and almost apologetic look. “I’ll come with you.” Soobin grunts as he stands from his seat. 

Yeonjun watches helplessly as you both exit the car and Soobin walks you to the door. He would’ve offered before the car even stopped. But this isn’t only about him. A scandal could harm the entire group.

-🖊️⇝

Five months. You haven’t been laid in five months. Then here comes this 6ft-something man with puppy dog tendencies who turns on the sex appeal like it’s nothing, stirring up your emotions to this degree. 

You tie half of your locs up before tugging two down to frame your face. You bite your lip as you take in your appearance, a little shocked at how good everything came out. “What do you think? Should I add anything else?”

Things have been a little stiffer between you and Yeonjun. You still hang out but you both can feel it looming. The chemistry. The tension. The threat of jumping each other’s bones at a moment’s notice. Yeonjun doesn’t want to drag his members down because of a rash decision. He’s not sure what’s going through your mind but he can see the conflict in your eyes.

Yeonjun considers helping you. Immediately he’d recommend a choker. It’s hard for him to quell the thoughts about how good your neck looks with a piece of fabric wrapped tightly around it. Then he would suggest going for gloss instead of lipstick, but perhaps he should stop thinking about your neck and lips while he’s ahead. Also, this is all to help Mingi. Valentine’s day has passed, but it’s a miracle if an idol is free then anyway. This is essentially their valentine’s day plans, it’s a thought that presents a lingering bitter taste in his mouth. But he knows better, so he keeps those thoughts to himself.

“Yeah, it looks good like that.” He says as plainly as he can. Like a friend should.

You turn in your chair and rest your arm on the back. He looks really tired today. You can tell it’s one of those weeks that are really beating down on him. This is the most severe you’ve seen it get with your own eyes.

“You’re usually good at helping me with my looks.” It’s true that you’re cautious as well, but if he could have one moment to not be worried about one hundred things at once, you really want it to be with you. 

“You did pretty well on your own.” His shrug does nothing to shield how disingenuous he’s being. You give him a knowing look, deciding to probe just a little. 

“You know you can take a nap on my bed while I’m gone.”

“I’m good.” He assures with a smile meant to be soft but ends up strained. “Text me if you need anything or if something goes wrong.”

No, no. That’s the last thing you need. Him needing to have his guard up around you and still being so courteous. “I have other friends that I can text. You go play video games or relax or something.”

“Oh yeah? Name someone that isn’t an idol, quickly.” His tense demeanor melts just for a second, just to poke back. You give a short, dry laugh. Knowing very well you didn’t have an answer. Non-idol friends would do you some good. You think for a moment before replying half-jokingly.

“How about I call your leader instead and tell him to come take you home.”

Yeonjun stands from the bed, walking over with a look that you recognize by now. He’s thinking about it again. Kissing you or touching you. “I wanna be here when you get back.” He’s not sure why. You’re not gonna be drinking and Mingi is a gentleman, he’ll make sure you get home safe. 

You’re acutely aware you must be looking at him the same way, which means you’re both in danger of breaking the biggest rule. He’s tired and probably unbelievably frustrated. And he wants it so bad. You can practically smell the arousal when you two get like this. Hell, you want it too. Sleeping with someone who’s been stifled for years and is finally able to let loose? The sex would be unforgettable. The thought permeates in your mind, strong enough to overshadow your habit of pushing all this to the wayside. You stand from the chair.

“Why? I’ll be alright.” You blink, unaware of how cute you look peering through your lashes. Despite his notes, you did do a great job. Fuck a choker or lip gloss, if you showed up to a date looking like this, he’d lose all ability to function.

“You look so beautiful.” He breathes out, but how genuine he is shines through. This was more intimate than the dance or the almost kiss. HIs eyes have a slight sheen as they gaze down at you earnestly.

“That means a lot, Jun. Thank you.”

Yeonjun, instead of responding, takes your shirt strap that had fallen down your shoulder in between his fingers. He slowly moves it back up, hand brushing lightly against your soft skin. You’re cold to the touch, your body being chilled by your air conditioner. How long would it be until you were properly warmed up? Too long.

“I don’t think I can handle you looking like this for someone else.” The words roll off his tongue, feeling as though someone else had said them. He looks over at your eyes from your strap, the touched shock on your face confirming that it was real. It happens quickly, the rationalization. You shut up the part of your brain urging you to run away from the conflict and tug Yeonjun closer by his shirt. His hands move to your face and the two of you linger there, either giving this a second thought or wondering if this was really happening. You lean in, feeling his breath fanning only to jerk back suddenly. Your lips brush against each other first before they finally meld, finally connecting in the way you both truly craved.

He’s so expressive, you can feel the longing, hear the pent up frustration leaving him with every heavy sigh. You chase each other’s lips instantly after each disconnect as if the kiss is providing oxygen rather than inhibiting it. There was that heat again, warming his frigid body as you wrap your arms around him and urge him closer. 

He pulls away, the impish fox you know well looking so unfamiliar. His eyes pleading and blown out, his pretty lips pink and swollen. You impatiently pull him back in and you feel the same warmth he is. Except it’s burning you up. Both of you feel like you’re being swallowed by a large flame as your tongues circle each other. He lets out a wanton moan that has your core clenching. “Taste so good.” His voice is nearly inaudible, murmured between kisses.

Pushing your straps down your arms, he undoes his recent action. He pushes your dress over your breasts but he’s too consumed by the kiss to look down. His hands envelope the flesh held by your bra as he pushes his tongue into your mouth. Things are escalating quickly but you grow frustrated that he isn’t inside you already. You’ve both waited long enough.

“Fuck me, please.” You beg, eyebrows slanting as you let your pride go for just a moment. You reach down and tug at the waistband of his sweats, feeling a little justified as he returns your desperation with his eyes. With his hands kneading your breasts and your fingers clenching his pants you stare into each other’s eyes. No words exchanged but you each understand loud and clear that you need each other. Bad. As his face draws closer you try again. “Fuck me.” You whisper as he nuzzles your nose. 

You’re begging for it but Yeonjun can’t decide how he wants you first. He shuts his eyes and imagines your body bent in half, your as lifted into the air. Presented just for him. His cock throb and he squeezes your breast. Your ensuing moan almost pushes him to throw you onto the bed. But then he imagines the moonlight bleeding through the curtains and painting your body. The lights of the cars that speed past illuminating your umber tinted nipples that perk up nice and hardened for him.

The fantasy draws more and more saliva onto his tongue that rolls off onto yours. Your tongues tangle in a horny mess. If anyone saw what the two of you were doing they’d probably be confused, but both of your faces are scorching and the spaces between your legs are throbbing. Yeonjun is on his tenth fantasy on how he wants to pose you when he starts whimpering. You grab his crotch and return the squeeze he’s been giving your breasts. He finally unlatches from your lips to toss his head back, letting out the loudest moan of the evening. You kiss down his throat, feeling the vibrations of his pretty sounds. It’s taking every atom inside your body to not bite and suck, instead you ghost your teeth over his supple skin. 

As his moans transition to groans and growls his actions become more rough. He grabs your wrist to keep your hand steady as he grinds into it. His nails pierce your breast and it’s your turn to whimper. He yanks your hand off of him and moves his own to your waist, finally guiding you over to the bed. In every fleeting fantasy he had there was one thing either missing or integral. The very look on your face you have now as he’s moving over you. Your dark eyes are so doe-like yet so sinful. They yearn for him, yet dare him. 

The taking off of your clothes is agonizingly slow. It doesn’t matter that you’re both rushing to the point that you almost rip each other’s shirts. It’s still torturous. His long cock bobs as he repositions himself, a drop of precum dribbling from his tip and shining in the light. His nails dig into you yet again as your legs are hoisted on either side of your head. Every time he grips so forcefully you wish he’d do it harder, squeeze you until you fuse together.

You get as close as you can to that wish when his tip cards between your lips. You jolt, surprised by your own sensitivity. Yes, it’s been a long time, but it’s not that. Your clit and lips are so swollen that they ache. You feel like your molten juice will pour out of you at any moment. You hold your legs in place as Yeonjun lowers onto his forearms, bringing his face closer to yours. You’ve already stuck your tongue down his throat and gripped his cock, but there’s something strangely intimate about his bangs brushing against your forehead. He watches you intently as he slowly pushes in. You gasp, as if the heat radiating off his cock is actually singing you as he slides in. 

Yeonjun releases his lip from his teeth as a deep groan forces its way out from the depths of his core. Your pussy swallows him whole, so devastatingly wet that it coats your outer lips and coaxes him in with ease. The urge to crack a window, shove the comforter and sheets off the bed, anything to quell the overwhelming heat is a fleeting thought for the both of you. It’s quickly replaced by the gnawing need to feel every part of each other. To get deep. Yeonjun arches his back and pushes his hips in until you’re yelping and your hips buck uncontrollably.

Then something snaps and a rhythm takes over Yeonjun’s body. His hips snap toward yours at the perfect pace that has you clawing down his back. You feel his skin under your fingernails. 

Your hips desperately chase after him, fingers fumbling over your achy clit. It’s a blurred frenzy that neither of you can completely process as real. Your brains are turned off anyway, blindly chasing pleasure and that orgasm so sweet your teeth go numb at the thought.

The height of the pleasure makes each pump of his cock maddening. It’s so good you both almost want it to stop. The pleasure spikes higher, making your moans peak in pitch. Your grip falters on your thighs as your legs start to quake. 

“I can’t– I can’t!” Your mumbles are nearly incoherent between your shrieky whimpers. A knot squeezes so tight in your lower belly it feels like a large, heavy ball. Yeonjun grits out moans as his eyebrows furrow. The pleading look is so sexy, the desperation in his voice. His fucking cock is inside you. It’s so deep inside you.

“C-cumming!” Your thighs slip from your hands as a violent tremor sweeps through your body. The knot snaps and you feel hot liquid spewing from your cunt. Yeonjun fucks through the pressure, sharp profanities shoot off his tongue. He claws at your thighs and his thrusts transition to slow and punishing. The myriad of noises flooding from your lips don’t lower in intensity. The pleasure barely plateaus and you’re right back in the trenches. 

“Fuck! Yeonjun, fuck!” You squeal. His hand crawls up from between your breasts to your throat. “You’re taking it so well, you’re perfect.” His voice cracks, the sincerity in his voice sending shivers down your spine. 

“You’re so, so perfect.” His body drops closer to yours, his voice tickling against your ear. His thrusts pick up with his fractured moans. You can tell just how much is being released as he fucks you. It’s just as magical as you imagined, watching him let loose like this. But the twitch in his brow bothers you. His muscles are tight, his shoulders tense. You let out a serene sigh.

“Let it all out, Junnie.” You run your hands over his shoulders, feeling his muscles loosen under your fingers. His eyes flutter shut, mimicking your serene sigh. He doesn’t get to rest for long. The conflict wracking his body this time is different. His cock is twitching inside you.

Your clumsy hands travel all over his shoulders, neck, and land on his face. His hips start to fracture from their rhythm and his face occasionally pinches. You caress him, wanting to bottle up the version of him that’s close to cumming. 

You press a tender, wet kiss to his lips. “Cum inside me.”

It doesn’t occur to you that he has no clue you’re on birth control. So when the most guttural moan erupts from his chest it catches you off guard. His hips grind down against yours, his cock throbbing as it pumps you even fuller. Your sweaty bodies stay like that for a moment, not long enough for your sensitivity to wane. He pulls out, unplugging your hole for all the fluids to flow out.

His cock is heavy against your clit, so heavy that it triggers your sensitivity. You close your legs around him and turn your head into your pillow. He flows you, planting a long kiss on your lips as he grinds his cock into your mound. 

“Jun,” you tap at the mattress, the excruciating pleasure taking you to another planet. 

“I love your pussy.” He finally pulls away and the rigidity of your body eases. You let out a shaky breath, eyeing him as moves down your body. He glances up at you with his mouth hovering over your tired pussy. “It’s mine.” His eyes flutter shut as he kisses your mound wetly. A sharp moan rockets out of you. Your head shoots backward and your thighs threaten to close around him. That was just the teaser.

His tongue delves in to scoop out his and your essence. You’re in awe of the dirtiness of his actions and the lengths he’s willing to push you. All while staring you right in the eyes. Your eyes roll into the back of your skull as you push at his head.

He hums before lifting away. “You want me to stop?”

“N-no!” You reply instantly, a laugh bubbling out of both of you. It was ridiculous at this point. Yeonjun curls his tongue inside of you until he’s satisfied with how clean he got you. He lifts up, giving only a glimpse of his sullied face before he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. 

He crawls back up and you groan. 

“No, we’re both gross, don't lay back down.”

He grumbles ‘give me an hour’, making you both laugh. It’s comforting, a crackling fire lulling you both to sleep.

You gasp loudly, shooting upright.

“Mingi!”

-🖊️⇝

If only you hadn’t done that. The vibes after the sex were immaculate. Now things are tense again as Yeonjun gets you ready to meet with Mingi. His hands run over your sudsy body, making sure you’re squeaky clean. He helps you with your bra, even helps you pick out a new outfit. When all is said and done, you’re back to looking at each other through the mirror. He sighs.

“Go ahead and text him you’re ready.”

You pull your phone out, finding you’re just flipping it over in your hands instead of unlocking it. You chew on your lip, your heart beating so intensely it’s debilitating. 

“I’m ready.” You rush out, thinking for a moment before turning to actually look at him. Yeonjun breathes a laugh with a smirk.

“I said tell him, not me.”

“Why? You’re my date.” Your smile beams brighter than you mean it to. It’s all fine because he returns its luminosity. 

“I’m down for that. I’m too fatigued to go anywhere, though.”

“I know, I really tuckered you out didn’t I?” You cock an eyebrow at him, doing your best impression of a sly fox you know.

“Okay, but who made who squirt?”

You shove him, making him chuckle as he catches himself. You quickly leave the bedroom, turning to shout back at him. 

“I’m watching the movie without you.”

He chases after you and you just barely evade him to sit on the cough first. He dives next to you, snuggling up close and nuzzling his forehead into yours. It’s something he used to do to annoy you, and though you’re tonguing your cheek, your heart is fluttering. 

You watch the rest of the movie hugging his arm with your head on his shoulder. As the credits roll, is the first to talk in thirty minutes.

“It was always gonna be us.” Yeonjun chuckles. “We both knew it from the moment in your hotel room. Fuck it, I might’ve thought about it when I first saw you.”

You crane your head to look at him, his sharp eyes already on you. There’s a softness to them.

Multiple fists thundering against your door makes you both jump. 

“Open up! Yeonjun has been here for way too long!” Identifying Soobin’s voice dulls the alarm bells blaring in both your heads.

Yeonjun trudges over to let them in, sulking back to the couch as the four younger book it past him. Beomgyu launches himself on the couch and asks what “we’re” watching. Kai is close behind, snatching the remote before Beomgyu could even think to grab it. They argue over that as Soobin sits down, rubbing his temples. He sinks into the couch as you sit beside him. You can feel Yeonjun’s warmth on your left and you bite your lip trying to ignore it. 

“And just what were you doing here all alone?” Soobin’s eyes slowly pan over to the two people sitting suspiciously close to each other. You both shrug, mumbling something about movies and ice cream.

Taehyun sighs, squeezing his ass in between the both of you until you’re forced to part. You just roll your eyes, ignoring it for now. The movie watching experience with these five was always chaotic. Chaotic enough that you and Yeonjun could sneak glances at each other with no one noticing. The noise dissipates as you get lost in each other’s eyes. You both smile.

[biconickyoshi]

Okay y’all… I was very critical of eps 3 & 4 (especially 4) of NAtLA. Then all of a sudden eps 5 & 6 kinda slapped me in the face with how much better the show suddenly got.

Spoiler-free thoughts first:

Zuko, Iroh, and Aang have cemented themselves as the best parts about this adaptation - which is really funny considering I’m currently writing a longfic AU where Zuko and Iroh discover Aang in the iceberg right after Zuko is banished at age 13 and end up becoming the first members of the Gaang (albeit reluctantly at first lol). Episode 6: “Masks” (the Blue Spirit adaptation) was so good, I’d venture to say that it actually improved and fleshed out some things from the original series.

Episode 5: “Spirited Away”, while not as good as E6, was not as bad as I heard people say it was going to be. I think that the changes they did make didn’t bother me nearly as much as the changes they made in the last episode, and it was actually entertaining.

There were several scenes that made me cry in both of these episodes (moreso in episode 6, which I’ll get into further down in the spoiler section). These are the scenes that I feel like really tapped into the heart of the original show rather than feeling like a soulless remake.

Now for my in-depth thoughts (INCLUDES SPOILERS):

EP 5: “Spirited Away”

- Staring out, I was bummed because I had just rewatched the first two eps of the original animated series lol.

- It was an interesting choice to have all three members of the Gaang get stuck in the Spirit World, but I think it worked.

- Wan Shi Tong just showing up randomly was a bit unnecessary, but I suppose it will be kinda interesting to see him again in S2 since he’s already met the Gaang

- Hei Bai plays a much smaller role in these eps, but I strangely didn’t mind that either?

- Seeing Katara’s last memory with her mom was devastating, especially the fact that she had to witness her death and hide in the igloo with Kya’s charred body :(( she definitely has severe PTSD.

- Even Sokka’s memory made me tear up a bit

- Koh being the villain and a soul-eater or whatever was a bit of an odd choice, but I guess I can see why they did it. I do prefer him just being an asshole who steals ppl’s faces lol

- Appreciated the Fog of Lost Souls reference from the LoK lore

- Aang reuniting with Gyatso made me cry. I know some people didn’t like him being in the Spirit World, but I really liked it. Also, the fact that Gyatso was the first person to tell Aang that it wasn’t his fault the Air Nomads died, and that if he had been there he would have died too? THANK YOU! My poor boy has been berated enough for “abandoning” the world.

- We got some interesting lore about the afterlife for humans from Gyatso and Aang’s convo, which we’ve never gotten in AtLA media before. Idk if it’s just for Air Nomads, but Aang mentions that Gyatso stayed behind instead of “seeking enlightenment”. I know that the end goal in Buddhism is to reincarnate until you eventually achieve nirvana, so I wonder if that’s what they were alluding to (I’m not an expert on religions so pls correct me if I’m wrong)

- Oh yeah, I forgot June is here lmao. As a queer person I loved her (bc beautiful goth woman) but I didn’t like the weird choice to make her hit on Iroh - I guess to contrast the Iroh being creepy towards her thing in the OG series. I wish they would have just had them interact normally tbh, no weird “flirting”

EP 6: “Masks”

- Here we go y’all. The best episode in the show so far and probably the best the show is gonna get this season. I’m still pretty shocked at how good this one was.

- I think the decision to include flashbacks to Zuko’s Agni Kai was a good decision here. It felt like an appropriate episode for them and the flashbacks were very well done.

- In general, Dallas is doing a phenomenal job at portraying a Zuko who is angry and aggressive, yes, but also so very sweet and compassionate at his core. I love when little inklings of his true self shine through.

- Roku was… not what I expected. He was very much more of a lighthearted and jokey person… I didn’t hate it, it was just unexpected lol. I wonder if they did that to contrast him with Kyoshi. Which, speaking of, I’m glad Roku clarified that Aang doesn’t just need to be a merciless warrior (and that he didn’t berate Aang for “abandoning” the world like she did). But I still am annoyed about the mischaracterization of Kyoshi in general.

- RIP Shyu :/

- Thought it was kind of strange how June captures Aang at Roku’s temple lol. Like how did she get on and off the island??

- Zhao continues to feel like a completely different character to me lmao. I think this version is pretty funny, but it’s so weird to see Zhao being portrayed as so goofy and incompetent when he was such an intimidating force and the main villain of Book 1 in the OG series. Just a weird direction they went with his character.

- The Yuyan archers look cool as fuck. 10/10 no notes

- Still not sure how I feel about Azula already being this insecure and jealous of Zuko. I think it makes her feel a bit more realistically like a child, but the whole point of Azula’s character is that she is really good at maintaining this cool and calm persona on the surface, which she uses to scare and manipulate people. I can see her maybe getting to a point later on to where she hardens herself into that though. We’ll see.

- Baby Zuko asking Iroh how he looks and his little smile 😭😭😭😭 I had a physical “aww” reaction to that. THAT’S MY SON (me and Iroh shouting in unison)

- War Room scene was handled very well. No complaints. I like how Ozai tried to test Zuko with battle strategies.

- Blue Spirit break out scene was extremely close to the original, and it was really good. They adapted it almost shot for shot with all the important parts.

- Here’s probably my favorite part of the episode: Zuko and Aang’s talk inside the abandoned house after they escape from Pohuai!!!!!! Gahhhh I could gush about this scene all day. I love how they expanded it to be an actual friendly conversation between Aang and Zuko. Like we get to see Zuko’s true self coming through - the sweet, kind boy we know he is. Zuko and Aang just have such great chemistry as well, wayyy more than Aang has with either Sokka or Katara. Like I adored them bonding over painting and caligraphy!!! I think this is the best acting we’ve seen from Gordon so far, and Dallas did a phenomenal job switching back to that hurt, angry version of himself (of course a trauma response). And the fact that Aang said “sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” when he blocked Zuko’s firebending attack??? My sweet boy 😭

- The final flashback to the Agni Kai was really well done too. I’d already heard Zuko fights back, which I wasn’t sure I’d like, but I actually didn’t mind it. I really liked that they showed Zuko’s hesitation whenever he did actually have an opening, and that was what angered Ozai the most - Zuko showing compassion, “weakness”. Daniel Dae Kim is of course doing a phenomenal job (no surprises there), and I really liked that Iroh actually attempted to stop Ozai at one point. It also looked like young Azula had tears in her eyes, which I again actually liked because it humanizes her.

- I loved that Aang was still there when Zuko woke up on the boat 😭 he wanted to make sure he was okay!! I full on started crying when we got the “do you think we could have been friends too?” lines from him. Again, Gordon killed it. I love how you can tell that Aang knows Zuko has been hurt and that’s why he acts the way he does. He doesn’t blame him for any of it. 10/10

- the last flashback to Zuko in his bed recovering from the burn… god the tears just kept flowing. I really liked the choice to have Ozai almost give Zuko a chance to like… idk understand why he did what he did, and how compassion is “weak”?? And then Zuko’s response to give people a chance 😭😭😭 as if I couldn’t love him any more!!! And then of course Ozai gets pissed. But seeing baby Zuko just cry in his bed UGH I’m dehydrated at this point

- Of course I can’t finish this review without mentioning the 41st division. What an incredible way to expand upon the source material by making them Zuko’s crew!!! It shows just how much Zuko truly cares about others and it moved me so much (once again to tears).

I don’t have high hopes for the last two episodes, but honestly, if this is what the live action can be, it gives me a bit of hope (at least for future seasons). I really think that Dallas, Gordon, Paul, and Daniel were the stars of this ep and are a big part of what made it so good.

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍'𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄

Levi Ackerman

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x f!Reader

Warnings: MDNI, smut, vaginal fingering, oral sex (f. receiving), vaginal sex (most likely forgot to add some warnings)

I found this old oneshot from like two years ago and just wanted to share here. I didn't read through it bc that's just embarrassing but it's almost 4k words that deserve to see light of day, anyway enjoy

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

It was Thursday afternoon, and you were just finishing practice. Finally, after a long day of hard work. You were being watched the whole time. He watched you like a hawk, while you trained. Not bothering to pay attention to anyone else, just you.

His attitude towards you was always so nasty. He hated you, there was no doubt in your mind; but why? You were an excellent cadet, always obeying orders and treating others with respect. The idea of acting up never crossed your mind, yet he treated you as if you were the most mischievous in the group. 

You went over to talk to your group of friends, laughing and giggling while his eyes bore into the back of your head. You had brought up the situation many times to your friends, but they always responded with a “Really? I haven’t noticed him staring at you” or a “I think you’re overreacting.” But you weren’t overreacting, you felt targeted by him. It made you upset how you were singled out. Levi Ackerman was a person you looked up to, but sadly he didn’t seem to like you. 

“Hey, Captain Levi wants to speak with you.” Eren informed you, as he walked over to the group. A sigh escaped your lips, as you were expecting to get scolded. You walked away from the group of people and walked over to where Levi was. 

“You wished to speak with me, Captain?” You spoke up, but he remained quiet and expressionless. 

“You’ve been doing horrible during training, are you sure you’re cut out for this?” He started, and you listened in on his criticism. He talked about how you needed to improve so much more on your hand-to-hand combat skills, which you found kind of useless in the scout regiment since you weren’t planning on killing titans with your fists. Regardless, he was right about your poor skills in that area. He talked about how much more you needed to work on your omni-directional mobility skills, you nodded as you listened even if you were a bit confused since you excelled in that area. He pointed out many things you needed to improve with, but didn’t give out a single tip. 

He had finally dismissed you, as people were already going back to their dormitories, and preparing for dinner. You rushed to the showers to clean yourself up, and not be too late for the last meal of the day. The women were already getting out and putting on their clothes, as you arrived and took off yours. 

“We’ll wait for you.” Sasha announced as she walked out with Mikasa. 

You walked into the shower stall and began cleaning yourself, as women continued walking out of the place, until the last one left and you were left alone. As the cold water hit your skin, all you could think about was Captain Levi. You never did anything to upset him, so why was he so tough on you. You could handle criticism, but he always singled you out, even if people were doing so much worse than you. 

The bathroom door opened, and you wondered if someone had forgotten something, since you were the last to leave the training grounds and to shower. You didn’t say anything, though, since it didn’t concern you. You continued scrubbing yourself while the footsteps got louder and louder, until they came to a sudden stop. You slightly turned your head, for your eyes to be met with the man you were just thinking about. Quickly, you grabbed the towel that hung over the stall, and wrapped it around your body. 

“Captain, what are you doing here?” You turned off the water, and turned to face Levi who looked mortified. Levi was nearly naked, only a towel covering his lower region. 

“My private bathroom is getting fixed, so I was going to the boy’s bathroom to take a shower, I thought this one was it. Apparently not.” He explained and your eyes couldn’t help but to go to his torso, and take in how good he looked. 

“It used to be this one, but I guess they changed it.” He added.

“Mhmm... I guess they did.” You hummed as your eyes were glued on his abs. You wished the towel would magically drop to find out if Levi’s height went somewhere else. He noticed it, and he was enjoying the way you looked at him. He walked towards you, grabbing you and pushing you against the wall.

“What’s on your mind, cadet?” He raised an eyebrow, and you remained speechless, as you took in the situation. Levi had you against the wall. “Don’t be shy, I don’t bite.”

“Well, only if you ask me to.” He smirked. You grabbed the back of his head and pulled it towards you, pressing his lips against yours. Within an instant he kissed you back. His lips felt oddly soft, something you definitely weren’t expecting. He bit your bottom lip, making you gasp. He used the opportunity to enter his tongue into your mouth and press it against yours. 

He pulled away from your mouth, and began pressing open-mouthed kisses on your jaw, before moving down to your neck and doing the same. Not doing much more to your neck, he moved to your collar bones, and began marking that area.With one tug your towel was on the floor and Levi kept moving down, till he reached your pussy. He grabbed your leg, and placed it on top of his shoulder as he ran his tongue through your folds before flicking your clit. Soft moans escaped your lips as he continued. 

You ran your hand through his hair as he continued sucking on your clit. Levi took two fingers, and slowly pushed inside of you. His fingers weren’t that big but he sure did know how to use them. His fingers were hitting all the right spots as he licked your clit. He somehow knew exactly how to please you. 

“Oh Captain-” You moaned out as he gently bit your clit. He detached his mouth from your pussy, to look at you as he continued fingering you. A smug look was painted across his face, as he watched how your eyes rolled to the back of your head due to his fingers that were thrusting in and out of you. The face of pleasure your face projected satisfied him. 

He began scissoring his fingers, as he took his other hand and rubbed your clit. You began squeezing around his fingers, and he couldn’t help but wonder how good that would feel around his cock. You held on to the stall wall for support as your body spasmed, reaching you high. Levi took his fingers out, and pressed a soft kiss on your pussy before standing up. He helped you balance yourself before speaking.

“You should probably head to the mess hall, people might be wondering where you’re at.” 

-

Following his orders, you were now in the mess hall sitting between Mikasa and Armin, across from Jean, Sasha and Connie. The table was mostly quiet as everyone enjoyed their food in silence, well most of the table, Sasha stuffed her mouth and made sure everyone could hear her; and you, well you were thinking about what just happened. Levi was always picked on you, and he seemed to despise you so what just happened in the bathroom was unexpected. 

“What made you take so long in the bathroom?” Sasha finished eating, finally speaking. You tried to remain neutral as you thought of an excuse. You remained quiet as nothing good came up.

“It’s none of our business.” Mikasa responded for you, and you agreed with her. Nobody really cared, but Sasha became suspicious. You noticed it, and hoped she wouldn’t bring it up again. In hopes that she’d forget, you gave her the bread that you weren’t planning on eating. She looked happy, which you hoped meant that she’d let it go. But she wouldn’t let it go, the fact that you gave her food made her even more suspicious. 

“What did Captain Levi want?” Jean cocked his eyebrow, curious on why Levi wanted to talk to you. The mention of his name made your face heat up, however you managed to answer his question, making it seem believable as you sighed, “Just the same old thing, criticizing me for poor work during training.”

Mikasa clicked her tongue as she heard the response. She had seen how Levi always picked on you, so she believed you when you spoke to them about the issue. 

“What is his issue with you?” Mikasa huffed, and you shrugged. You were still curious on why he was always rude, but you had a general idea in mind. 

“Where’s Eren?” You changed the topic, which thankfully worked. 

“Hange is running some experiments on him.” Armin answered. Mikasa looked annoyed, since she knew that the experiments Hange was doing weren’t safe for anybody. 

The rest of the dinner was filled with jokes (mostly from Connie), giggles, and some conversation about Scout topics. Mikasa, Sasha and you said goodbye to the boys before walking to your dorm room you shared. 

-

“Wake up!” Sasha aggressively shook you, making you open your eyes. You sat up, and looked around confused. Until you saw the sunlight in the room, you ran to get your uniform. 

Training usually started so early, that the sun wouldn’t be out which meant you were late. You also made Sasha late, who apparently spent time trying to wake you up. You tried your best to put on the uniform quickly, which was a difficult task to do. Sasha continued waiting for you, which made you feel bad since she was already late. You made a mental note to give her your bread for at least a week. 

After putting on the uniform, which was most likely messed up, you two ran out to the training area. Everyone was already busy, Levi was overlooking the training for the week and he made sure the soldiers were always busy with something. You tried to sneak in with the soldiers, but when he locked eyes with you he signaled you to come over. You did and stood in front of him, while Sasha still tried to sneak in. 

“Braus, come here!” He yelled. He crossed his arms as Sasha walked towards the two of you.

“Care to explain why you two are late?” He looked back and forth between Sasha and you. You bit your lip feeling guilty for getting her in trouble.

“It was my fault sir, I was feeling sick and she took care of me.” You lied, and Levi raised an eyebrow. He knew you were lying, but he still let Sasha go. 

“Lying is not a very good quality. He stated, and you looked at the ground in shame. Levi rolled his eyes before speaking again, “You’re coming with me to my office.”

Levi began walking towards the building, and you followed. The walk was silent and awkward, since there wasn’t much to talk about. Screw that. There was much to talk about but it would be too weird to bring it up in broad daylight. 

He opened the door to his office, and let you enter first. You stood in the middle of his office awkwardly as he closed the door, locking it, before walking to his chair and sitting down. He patted his lap, wanting you to sit on it and you hesitated before walking over.

You sat on his lap, waiting for him to speak up. You knew he had something to say, he always did. He just looked into your eyes, and even though he pretended to be mad his eyes told otherwise. He cleared his throat before speaking, “You know, cadet, you’re a very good liar. Too bad I can read you like a book. You could’ve fooled me. Now what actually happened?”

“I overslept and Sasha waited for me.” You told the truth. He wasn’t planning on punishing you, since you were always really responsible and obedient. This was the first incident and most likely the last. He tried fighting off a smile after an idea came into mind. He couldn’t hide it so instead he began kissing along your jaw. 

“You know, I can’t let this go just like that.” He moved to your lips, where he immediately slid his tongue in and pressed it against yours. You wrapped your arms around him, as the kiss deepened. He pulled away to speak again, “All of next week you’re going to be in here, cleaning the filthy office.”

You smiled before pulling him into a kiss again. The office was anything but filthy, so he was most likely just going to fuck you all of next week. He pulled away,  picked you up and set you down on his desk table. He looked down at your uniform and cocked an eyebrow.

“Thought that you knew how to put on your uniform properly, but apparently not.” He began unbuckling the belts of the uniform one by one, before grabbing one and ordering you to, “Hold your wrists above your head.”

He took the belt and tied your wrists together, restraining you from touching him. He began unbuttoning the buttons of your shirt, commenting on how the shirt was messed up. After unbuttoning the shirt, he took in the sight in front of him, “You really are one sexy woman.”

He took off the waistcloth and your boots, before pulling down your pants and leaving you in your underwear. He began rubbing you through your panties. 

“Aren’t you excited?” He commented after feeling the damp fabric, you rolled your eyes even if you knew he was right. He pushed the panties to the side and began playing with your clit. Without a warning he entered two fingers, making you gasp and shut your legs close. 

“Now, now, don’t be shy.” He spread them once again, getting a full view. He began prepping you, by scissoring his fingers. 

You watched as he focused on your pussy. You doubted you had ever seen him so concentrated even during training. 

He kept pumping his two fingers in and out for a minute, before adding another since he knew that just two fingers weren’t enough. You moaned, surprised at the new finger. He loved seeing how good you felt under his touch, and the erotic faces you made as he played with your cunt. 

He wasn’t planning on spending too much time on prepping, since the soldiers training would finish soon with their task and need instructions. He had locked the door as a safety precaution, but it would also seem suspicious if they tried to come in and the door was locked. 

He took his fingers out, and leaned in, kissing your lips. He pulled away and unbuckled his belt, pulling down his pants along with his boxers making his dick spring out. Your eyes widened at the sight, his height certainly went somewhere else.

“Have you ever done this before?” He asked, making sure this wasn’t your first time. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of taking your virginity, but he didn’t want to take it in his office. He should’ve asked the question last night, but he got too caught up in the moment. 

“I have, don’t worry.” You responded. You were eager for him to fuck you, a bit scared though since you had never been with someone as big as him.  With your response, he spit on your cunt, as he pumped his cock.

He aligned himself with your entrance and slowly pushed himself in. Your eyes filled up with tears, as his cock stretched you out. He looked up to see your face, and noticed your glassy eyes, so he made sure to go in slower. He was halfway in and stopped, to make sure you were okay.

“Can you handle more?” The tone of his voice seemed caring, and if the situation were a bit different you would smile. “I’ll be fine.”

He continued going in at the same pace as before, he made sure he didn’t hurt you. When he was all the way in, he didn’t move, letting you adjust to the size. 

“Tell me when to move.” Levi was desperate to move, you were clenching around him and you just felt so good that he was afraid he was going to come in a minute, but he wanted to make sure you were comfortable before moving. You felt as if you could never get used to him so you just decided to let him move.

“You can move.” You informed him. He started off slow, still making sure you were okay. 

You digged your nails into your palms, and bit your lip stopping cries from escaping your lips as he fucked you. You wished you could’ve been marking his back but he wanted to tie your hands up, you’d get him next time. 

The pleasure overtook the pain as he continued his steady thrusts. One of his hands squeezed your cheeks and brought you up to kiss him. The nastiest kiss you had ever shared with anyone. He pulled away, wanting to hear your moans and cries again. “You’re taking me so well. Who knew a little slut like you could handle my cock.” 

“Fuck- your pussy feels so good.” He continued praising, as he felt how much it turned you on by the way your pussy clenched around him while he spoke.

You kept clenching around him, making him take out his cock knowing that if he didn’t he’d come soon. He entered you, once again, this time hitting your sweet spot making you moan even louder. 

Taking his cock out was useless since his thrusts were becoming sloppy, as he was about to come again. You just felt too good around him, and he couldn’t contain himself. He didn’t want to come before you, so his thumb found your clit and began massaging it. 

“Captain-” You moaned as he continued hitting your sweet spot, and massaging your clit. You were about to come at any second and he knew it. He didn’t stop making sure that you would come before him.

“Come on my cock, baby.” As he spoke, your eyes rolled back and your body spasmed while you came on his cock. Levi quickly took his cock out and released his cum on your stomach. 

He took in the sight in front of him, once again. Your arms were above your head with your wrists tied up, you were covered in sweat and his cum was in your stomach; you looked like a mess but he couldn’t find you even more beautiful. He didn’t doubt that he looked like a mess, too but nothing compared to you, at least he thought. He undid the belt and let your hands free before finding something to help you clean the cum on your stomach. You remained on the desk, knowing your legs wouldn’t work to support yourself for a while. 

He passed you some paper towels that he kept hidden and you thanked him. As you were cleaning yourself up a loud knock on the door made you panic. Levi remained calm, knowing he was in a position of authority and he could tell anyone to fuck off. 

“What do you need?” An annoyed tone was clear in his voice. 

“Captain, we finished what you told us to do. What else do you need?” Mikasa’s voice was clear on the other side of the door, which made you panic even more. Levi was planning on going back out, but he needed to do some paperwork, not only that he didn’t want to let you leave just yet. 

“Just do whatever you think is necessary. Now leave.” He answered, sitting down on his chair. You hurried putting on the uniform, just in case she dared opening the door. He held your hand and tried stopping himself from laughing, while he pointed at the door showing you it was locked. He made you sit on his lap again, as he looked over some paperwork. 

It was weird how yesterday you thought he hated you. Still, you wanted to ask why he was always so rude to you, wanting to confirm if the idea you had in mind was true. You didn’t want to interrupt his concentration but curiosity was killing you. You cleared your throat and his gaze shifted over to you.

“I have a question…” You started. Levi shifted his whole attention to you, as you spoke. “So why were you always so rude to me?”

Levi’s cheeks slowly turned pink as he heard your question. He was a bit ashamed of his reasoning, but he didn’t want to lie or dismiss your question. He stayed quiet as he built up the courage to get the words out of his mouth. He placed a chaste kiss on your lips before speaking, “Well I simply just wanted you to leave the survey corps…”

He expected you to get mad, but to his surprise you were smiling. You were right about his reasoning. 

“And why is that?” You managed to ask, your voice showing you were a bit too happy. He cleared his throat before explaining, “When I first saw you I was drawn to you, and ever since that day I’ve desired you. I couldn’t act out on my feelings since I’m in a position of authority and it would’ve been wrong. Even what we just did was wrong. I just… didn’t want to act out on my feelings and do something I’d regret, so I tried making you leave for maybe one day you’d forgive me and allow me to take you out on a date.”

“I’m sorry… I hope you can forgive me.” You watched his grey eyes filled with regret. You pecked his lips, in hopes of making him feel better.

“I’m not mad.” You reassured him.

You looked into each other's eyes for a minute, and a warm feeling overtook you. You couldn’t help but smile at his cold gray eyes that warmed up the minute they saw you. He smiled too, the same warm feeling overtaking him. 

[foccaccia]

listen. im not saying the Avatar Yangchen duology is the most serious, heartbreaking, well-written, or adult story ive ever read. it isnt. but it also took me by fucking surprise. the torture scene? yangchen's successive breakdowns? jetsun's death and fate? all the deaths?? that one dead kid? (and all the other dead tortured child army kids??) the slow endless horror of the avatar cycle? being literally haunted and fucking lost in the countless incarnations of yourself and the knowledge that you have to dirty yourself for eternity with guilt, failure, death, and sin to save a bare few in the face of a world that will never stop trying to kill itself? having to make peace with that?

yangchen is so compelling to me. everyone loved her brief moment in the Avatar show, because of her stark "You have to abandon your own spiritual needs for the betterment of the world". but the novels drive that home in an interesting way.

yangchen is faced with greed on an unparalleled scale, and it is tearing the world apart. she is so desperate to do some good - shes so haunted by her countless past lives and desperate to at least not have regrets the same way they all do. she builds a spy network from nothing before she's even a teenager because she cant trust anyone, and at every step she is betrayed over and over by literally everyone she cares about, every choice she makes hurts or kills people, she spends almost the entirety of the second novel hopped up on enough drugs to would kill an ordinary person just so she can stay awake bc shes so terrified of hesitating for a single second. i cant figure out if haunted or chronically ill is a better term for whatever is happening in her brain but its. its fucked.

in a lot of ways she is objectively terrible at both avatarhood and being a spy, but she is exactly what the world needs. she so desperately loves her people, her culture, mercy, pacifism, and systematically cuts every tie to these things, no matter how much it hurts. she gets her hands so fucking dirty, she abandons her principles in every circumstance but one (the last Unanimity), she lets murderers and torturers go free and takes immediate economic control of half a world to abuse it.

and its the right decision. i know she gets flak because of how hard kuruk had to invisibly work the next cycle to fight the spirits yangchen pissed off, but yangchen's whole character is about balance, even more than aang's ever was, imo. aang gets a nearly perfect happy ending (which is good! there were good morals and a great story about culture and peace and genocide in the show, im not criticizing it) but yangchen's story really is wholly about balancing the world and the sacrifices you make to keep it even. for all that shes not a great avatar, shes actually a perfect avatar. she fixed it.

alao, kavik is fascinating. im putting him in a terrarium and shaking it. and the stark criticism of the white lotus the entire time... the implication they caused the platinum affair... ayunerak and do flatly admitting they will let (and even help along) the nations crash and burn in an apocalyptic war without fighting to stop it if it means they have control and can pop out of a bunker at the end to reshape society.... augh.

[athena5898]

Given the nature of my blog at this point, i tend to shy away from posting about media stuff. Buuuuut I think there are a lot of younger people experience this slightly "political" dude bro phenomenon so I kind of want to walk them through it. So Dawntrail the most recent ff14 expansion. Is actually pretty good. Now if you listen to some aspect of the community you are going to get some other........."perspectives" on that. Dawntrail is flawed, of course it is. This is the expansion that would have been in development during mid to post 2020 AND it's the expansion that needed to come around after Enwalker to build up the new story. Endwalker that spent YEARS building up to a climatic finish. What does this have to do with the first paragraph? Well, I'll tell you.

Dawntrail focuses on the story of a coming of age of a nontraditionally feminine woman lead Wuk Lamat (who is voiced by a trans voice actor) and we, the heroes of the world, are now going to help and take a back seat to this person. Who she and the entire expansion is based on Indigenous people from various parts of "America" so you know, they should be front a center and our out-of-town asses *should* take a seat in the back (some of you will read this and immediately go "oh that's why it's getting extra hate") If you do not know and was lucky enough to not be a woman or non cis het white male in the 90s trying to play video games or enjoy nerd culture....All of what I just stated is a big problem. Dude bros as I like to call them, (aka someone who you will always be curious if they were or would be part of Gamer Gate. Also please note a dude bro doesn't have to be a man...trust me on that) hate this kind of shit. They naturally feel threatened when the media's focus is not about them. So what do they do? They take legitimate criticism of something and BLOW IT THE FUCK UP. Suddenly that thing that was kinda annoying, is now just the fucking worst. A story beat drags on a little long? Worst media ever. A character has a minor plot hole? Worst media ever. dialogue a little blah at one point? Worst media ever. etc etc etc These are the same kinda people mind you who will write a 8 page essay how (insert average mid action movie here) is the most amazing masterpiece of a film. (which I don't really care about, but it shows that these people are not exactly the most objective purveyors of media arts as they like to claim to be when it's suddenly about their misogyny and white supremacy) I'm bringing this up cause I'll notice some well meaning people being confused saving things "well...I kinda get *this* part of the criticism but...not this other stuff. Why is it a big deal" or some version of this. They don't actually care that much, they just care that an Indegenous GNC cat woman is getting more screen time then their precious gods gift to Eorza WoL. If they had made this expansion about a white guy or our WoL and it wouldn't of gotten nearly the same level of backlash. People will disagree with me, but I'm sorry this is just a fact. And because this is the reading comprehension website, no it's not bad to dislike Dawntrail. No it isn't bad to think a character is annoying. But the patterns are there and the chances of this JUST being about the real issues is just fucking zero. You dont' spend that much time complaining about ONE character as the focus if it isn't about the bullshit dude bro gamer pride. Honestly given how fucking gay this game is I have no idea how these people play this game without burning up like a vampire touching sunlight ALSO...I'm a ex wow player who played that game for the story (I was 14, give me a break) from BC all the way up to 7.2. So I kinda know what i'm talking about when it comes to toxic dipshit gamer behavior *looks back at that last paragraph* god that's so fucking sad. Oh fun fact, according to Wuk Lamat's voice actor Sena Bryer, all voice acting for the new area in Dawntrail was given to Latino/Indigenous voice actors for every single character. (from this area of course) *edit* lol yeah anyone saying i'm wrong is just a fucking grifter or liar. Found this while looking something else up. You know it's bad when the god damn director has to step in and say "yo you little assholes cut it out" https://www.pcgamesn.com/final-fantasy-xiv-a-realm-reborn/naoki-yoshida-wuk-lamat

[soleminisanction]

Do you see Steph as much of a planner? My gut instinct is to say no, bc I generally see her as shortsighted since she has nearly gotten several different people killed including herself on several different occasions by acting too quickly but then I remember ppl can be quick tempered and also make plans and also how she seemed to be plotting(?) to get Tim to spill his id to her in her diary in that one issue of yj

Hope you stay safe today, and thanks for your time

I think that Steph wants to be a planner, because the people she hangs out with and admires are all planners and schemers of various stripes. So she sometimes does make an attempt, but she doesn't really see those plans all the way through.

Steph tends to be pretty good at working out schemes in the moment. Present her with a simple problem with an immediate goal (such as infiltrating a hospital to get someone's medical information) and she can come up with a workable solution (steal her mom's scrubs and pose as a nurse). What she's not good at is considering the consequences of her actions (like what will happen if her mom who works shifts at the same hospital sees her posing as a nurse and calls her out) and what she'll do in response (in this case, get caught and yelled at -- this is all canon BTW).

In other words, Steph is good at starting plans, but terrible at bringing them to their conclusion. Prime examples of this include her scheme to find out Tim's secret identity (which had some solid method behind it until she jumped to the wrong conclusions), the execution of the stolen scheme that started the War Games gang war (she organized the meeting but didn't consider what would happen during or afterwards and didn't make sure the one guy most critical to be there was in on the plan before she went through with it), and the plot with Scarab and the General during the penultimate arc of Robin after she was brought back from the dead (it's unclear how much of this was her plan and how much was Bruce's but it can be assumed neither one of them intended for another gang war to happen, or to get Tim injured and two children killed in the process).

I kinda image she's the kind of person who, next to her diaries, has a matching set of yearly planners, each of which has the first month carefully filled out as part of a New Year's resolution to Definitely Get Her Act Together This Year, and then they all fizzle out around mid-February and are never touched again.

[roobylavender]

something tangential to the enforced motherhood post i reblogged but while dc's contention with this concept is pretty horrid and distasteful in general what i find worse is the fan reaction in batman circles, specifically with regards to talia and selina. on one hand, you have the very obvious projection of a racist and xenophobic trope onto talia where she is stripped of any and all personal agency and to the point her character can never be severed of motherhood or even worse only viewed as an abusive party within the concept. fans not only project their own experiences of abuse onto her despite these projections being contrary to her own ambitions and writing prior to her character assassination; they also, in the event they don't want her to be an abusive mother, decide to relegate her to a static concept of motherhood where she has no existence outside of raising damian and where there isn't even a possibility of toying with the idea that she may not have actually acquiesced to the concept of motherhood to begin with. i'm always so surprised by how little people seem to contextualize the life talia led as lex corp ceo with her potential role as a mother. how would she be able to live that kind of isolated, purpose-driven life where she could set every personal desire aside for the sake of her duty to the world if she was expected to parent a child first? this is a rare viewpoint i've never really seen expressed but one reason i find morrison's portrayal of bruce and talia as parents to be really ironic is bc i think the roles are nearly reversed. at that point in her life and with the slew of burdens and responsibilities on her shoulders i honestly think talia (regardless of what immense affection i'm sure she would have for her own child) would be the one who had trouble acclimatizing to her role as a parent, versus bruce who made it his intent for several years to parent various children and when he found out talia was pregnant impliedly committed to shielding that child (and her) from violence and a vigilante life at all costs. it's a narrative thread i really would have loved to see explored but on a practical level would likely be impossible to do not only bc of dc's handling of asian mothers and their racist degradation due to their juxtaposition against white fathers, but also bc of dc and dc fans' constricted view of motherhood to begin with. either you're a good mother or you're a bad mother. there's no room for the in-between nuance of possibly loving your child but not knowing how to balance that responsibility bc of what you view as important responsibilities you have to others

on the other hand, you have dc fans' engagement with selina's relationships with younger orphans and sex workers in her community. this is a really interesting one to dissect in light of ship wars specifically bc while i agree that there isn't any sense in having selina act as a mother-figure to bruce's children i also don't really agree with people's justification that she's not a "motherly" character. it's once again a very striking example of the restricted perception people have of motherhood or of behaviors commonly associated with that role, bc i don't think people who say this are really criticizing her ability to be a mother at all. what they're actually criticizing is her capacity to care. there's oddly all too many people who believe selina's anarchy or more self-serving nature is antithetical to any expression of compassion. so what you end up having is a phenomenon where one group of fans is eager to see her co-parent with bruce and another group of fans is eager to see her severed of any significant connections at all bc it somehow fits her "villainous" nature. and all-in-all, from both sides, her relationships with kids like holly and arizona are completely obscured. there's no room made to discuss how selina can possess deep empathy for young people whose experiences she identifies with and that she can care for them and even take them under her wing without necessarily wanting to adopt them, but that if she wanted, maybe she would adopt them. i honestly feel like that was the direction alan grant and doug moench were going in with arizona in the early 90s had mary jo duffy not abruptly excised arizona bc, like a lot of fans, she thought having significant emotional attachments was antithetical to the catwoman persona albeit there was no actual canon to back that notion on a behavioral level. i don't think selina has to be a mother, but i also don't think it's an infliction of stereotypical gender roles on her to imagine a scenario where she might adopt a stray, esp if that scenario occurs within a context where she is still independent and forging her own way of life and liberty. if anything, taking care of holly and arizona were some of the highest points of her narrative, bc they were a looking glass through which to explore selina's capacity for love and mercy, in spite of all of the trauma and abuse that she had to suffer at the hands of others

to me, the problem with dc's contention with motherhood is not so much that it's attached to these women at all, but that the definition of motherhood used is entirely framed with a heteronormative understanding of the family unit, despite the reams of potential to explore characters like talia and selina as independent figures acting outside of that traditional hierarchy

[eternadreeblissa]

Ok but the potential for Silent Prince Link. In that roleswap or so AU in BOTW

Listen, imagine him, the descendant of Hylia, trying to achieve his sealing powers but his prayers keep falling on deaf ears. The suffering he has to endure with a strict parent who doesnt give him much freedom, failing expectations so exceptionally well he beats himself up silently and secretly resents Hylia. We all know that but imagine inserting darling for a sec: he meets this person, who's been nothing but kind to him. They don't berate him or scold him, they don't expect much from him and wants nothing more but for him to be happy and given relief from his duties. His heart has never been touched and caressed so gently like soul, so he just, follows darling around, maybe roping them in strolls somewhere outside the kingdom. He takes every excuse to spend time with you, including skipping his training, or, maybe he has you with him instead of Zelda guarding him.

Now, his relationship with Zelda, isn't the greatest. One of the people who speaks their minds aloud to him (AKA near outright berating). I imagine this Zelda thinks he has it easy, or that maybe he's so privileged that he can do whatever he wants. Whatever it is she just got the wrong idea abt him. She doesn't like the fact she has to babysit him or smth guarding him; the guy avoids her like a plague anyway! (Asides from escorting him to the shrines and all. But on Link's side, he just didn't want to handle Zelda's criticism on him on top of his own parent's disappointment) she was living her best life being herself bonding with her mom, but she had to be taken away bcs she had the whole knight lineage thing under her name.

Anyway meeting darling was a breath of fresh air to him. I imagine he thinks of them as an escape: similar to how people escape reality. He spends nearly every waking moment with them, or at least as much as time and duties can allow. He never met someone who saw him for himself: as Link. Not the prince, not the descendant of Hylia. Just... Link. And she loved and cared for him like a real person.

Zelda, didn't exactly like this. Mostly bcs asides from already getting in trouble for not having Link in her vision as part of her job, if she lets you go on you might as well steal the prince away from Hyrule the more he skips duties and she might even be replaced. And while that would be awesome she'll be in even more trouble with the king or queen, AKA: Link's parent. She couldnt go back to the life she once had, not when it was taken from her and robbed of her childhood and all...

Yes, you and Link have to avoid Zelda a lot. He's actually pretty good at hiding. While he gets heavily lectured by his own personal guard its all worth it spending time with you.

But then... Hylia happened.

Why now, of all times, did his powers awaken and why of all people, did it have to be you? You were the real light of his life, in a world of darkness and oppression. The only one who gave him hope and more to live for than just his duties. Why now, when he was about to confess and run away with you, and he had you in his arms, did suddenly his own voice betray him? He wasn't himself— no, it wasn't him speaking AT ALL. THIS IS A DIFFERENT PERSON TALKING THROUGH HIM PLEASE STOP.

But he was helpless, helpless as his words were twisted to hurt you: no you weren't useless to him, you weren't in the way! You were everything he needed in life— no you were his life! He needed you! He truly loved you please! But your tears fell from his eyes, and just as he thought it was over, his hands glowed gold, he panicked, not understanding what's going on, but his hands were raised towards you, and his voice chanted; and in a bright flash, you were gone.

No. No... NO!

He fell to the ground. His life just came crashing down. Any light and joy and hope, all the good things he had in life, were taken with you as you were sealed— no, vanquished by his own hands. (he couldn't bear the thought he truly did seal you away from Hyrule forever)

It... It wasn't him. No it wasn't...

That light. That golden light. The one that his hands were forcibly used against you. There's only one person who he knows could do that to you: Hylia.

If he only disliked Hylia for putting him all through this not answering his call before, then he certainly hates her with every fibre of his being for making him lose you.

(Under the cut if yall are interested in how my OC Ava handles this! And it has some more details on how things happened—)

When she met silent prince link, he was out hiding from Zelda again and escaping from his well, life, while Ava stumbled into his world separated from the chain.

I imagine, she started off being all nice and everything to him. While Link is confused cuz this gal thinks he's the hero? Anyway, they started off a bit smooth at least and this first meeting alone had him enjoy her company, and wishes to see her more.

So they meet up more and more. Link clarified he wasn't the hero, or heroine in this matter, but didn't reveal he was the prince either. All he said to her was that, he was just Link, a nobody. And he wants to know more about her. Ava respected that, and they talked and all, but at some point Zelda found out abt her and shooed her off. (Link has never disliked Zelda more than he has now, astonishing really, currently nearly up with his resentment for Hylia)

Thank goodness he found her in some of the usual spots she visited. It was a good thing she told him about it too (if she hadn't he'd scour the entirety of Hyrule just to find her—) he tells her not to be discouraged to continue meeting up with him. He truly did enjoy his time together with her, and he doesnt like Zelda or pretty much all of Hyrule kingdom in general, sometimes including his own parent, and especially Hylia. He then spills his past to her, leaving his whole heart bare to her being.

Ava, in processing this, is then a little conflicted: His story is just like Wild's except... he's in flora's position? Wherever she is, she's somewhere very, very far. History can't be turned upside its head and forget everything and have... This. But how did it happen? Asides her thoughts, Ava understood, and would be more than happy to be there for him. Link couldn't be any more happier.

...There's just one problem: Hylia. She isn't sure how... They could continue on for long. She tells his she wants to stay a bit and help him out but, Hylia, as far as shes known that goddess, meddled a lot with her life. Often using Zelda to seal her away every time (sometimes she beats the Zeldas to it, by going back home on her own. Either the Zeldas sealed her away willingly, or forcibly, as there are some who didn't actually mean to do anything. Regardless, she was often in all sorts of troubles of messes because of her. All of this lore bit abt her can be explained for another day jsufbfhhb). She tells him Hylia doesn't like her, and if he's a descendant as he actually says he is, then she might.. use him against her.

Hearing all this, Link was furious. His resentment for that white goddess just increased a ton. He told her he won't let it happen. No matter what. He promises. Ava could only hope that promise can still hold true even with Hylia looming...

So they spent more time together, and they bonded a lot. But the King/Queen heard Link hasn't been doing his duty, (as if he hasn't already been slacking off in their eyes) so Ava didn't see Link for a few days and worried about him. The next time Ava saw a glimpse of him, he was out with Zelda, who seemed more of a hawk than she was before, heading out for training and everything.

It was quite horrid for Link :'(( so when he got back to her, he was latching onto her like a koala, wanting her attention on him and only him. If anyone tried to take her eyes away from him he glares and it's the most chilliest thing anyone has ever seen, nor did they even know Link was capable with that kind of expression! (Considering his lack thereof, in the public eye). Ava had to distract him and tell him to stop or at least, lessen that just a bit, as she takes him away somewhere more isolated where nobody will, hopefully get hurt. (He looks like he's just one breath away from hurling a book at someone's face—)

Anyway, Link wanted to catch back on lost time spent being away from her. And they did that! But again... Hylia happened.

After coming back to train once again or so, Link felt different. A bad different. He feels like he wanted to wash himself off from this feeling all over his body. He probs bathed like 3 times but, it didn't get rid of it. Probably bcs he despises Hylia a lot now and being around her mere statues or stuff just sickens him. He hopes all of that will be forgotten or washed away around Ava's presence but haha it couldn't be any more worse :'))) just like time and time again, Hylia used Link, awakening his powers and sealed her away.

...In the end, she didn't learn her lesson did she? Try as she might, leaving before she was sealed off from any of Hylia's vessels but, here she is. She stayed too long. She got attached again. She got both of them attached again and now, they're both going to be hurt, wounded from this. It's her fault she let this happen. She could only hug him in tears, trying to be there for him and comfort even though he spoke piercing words and trying to get her off from him. But deep down, this wasn't him. It was Hylia. Link always told her he loved her company and wanted nothing more but for her to stay. But just like before, with every link she met, no matter what she gets separated every. Single. Time.

So before she completely vanishes into the light and she burns in pain from its power, she could only tell Link, through her tears, she'll come back again. Just like before, as well. Because even though despite the fact she will always end up leaving or not staying for as long as she wanted, even though both her world and his wanted them apart, they'll just meet each other, again and again. In another time, or a different era, maybe a whole other world even. It cannot be helped, they were both connected. Maybe in his case, the hero's spirit didnt call her like it did with the others, simply because he doesn't have it, being Hylia's descendant. But somehow, even without it, she was here, met Link again, and similar scenarios were played. It's almost like... They truly were soulmates weren't they?

Because of that, she assures him: she'll come back, as a goddess. She'll train more, work harder, learn, just so she can stand against the selfish divine who kept meddling with their lives. She'll be there for him, and he won't have to suffer for so long in silence, but for now... It's farewell, until they meet again.

It was the one hope Link clung onto for dear life, as everything else in his world faded from mind.

[horizon-verizon]

The show really wants us to empathize with both Rhaenyra and Alicent but the women so far have been nothing but peace loving no matter the circumstances and they seem downright incompetent. Because the show doesn’t seem to have caught up on the fact that war is unavoidable at this point. Lucerys and Jaehaerys were murdered, civilians are dying, armies are out in the field… like it’s over.

The show is very much aware of that fact though. Even in the council scenes, as Rhaenyra admits Alfred Broomes a sexist and an asshole but he’s not entirely wrong when he criticizes Rhaenyra. Its that frustration at her own passivity and indecision that pushes her to to be more decisive. None of the council scenes involving Alicent and Rhaenyra are played entirely straight, council members can be sexist and be assholes but their not entirely wrong. Cristin in his convo with Alicent was insanely patronizing but again he’s not entirely wrong. They’re trying to show how women are dismissed by the sexist men on their councils but at the same time... the men actually have very valid reasons to be dismissive. I’m a woman but I wouldn’t listen to Alicent or Rhaenyra either. So far they’re both total liabilities who make one ridiculous decision after another.

These men are wrong in how they exclude women on anti women principle alone, which is what they are doing. The men were obviously out of line & sexistly-motivated, but I'd argue that the scene that the bulk of the wrongness of the "not played straight" Rhaenyra's side than Alicent's. And the men are at least not coming from a totally bad place when they want action from Rhaenyra.

The episode made as if Rhaenyra not being on Syrax to burn soldiers and wage war was a more so a sexistly-motivated thing whereas it was more bc she is a monarch with no battle or war-command experience like Rhaenys. Aegon was just flambroiled alive and nearly taken out and if Aemond or Daeron had not existed or were too young, it would have made the greens so much more vulnerable. They already have taken that hit, but it would have been even worse.

Whereas with Alicent, a queen dowager and then queen Consort--not a Queen Regnant or the person these people are fighting to make the next monarch--is of course going to be less able to pushback aaginst the men that would try to deny her involvement and desires to strategize their next moves. Alicent being a liability as Cole says she is him projecting even as she is also responsible for him not being at his post to protect her grandson and entire family, but it doesn't stop that the reason why Alicent can be ignored is not bc of lack of will or intelligence but position and not actually having a truly loyal attendant/knight by her side who she could trust to unquestionably go for her interests alone and use violence against other men to do so. To sublimate his own desires.

Yes, it is true that Alicent hasn't actually done much before the war to improve the realm while she was on council as Alysanne did before Otto came back. She had little to no real impact on the council's decisions and actions, there is no scene that shows such in HotD. She kept trying to say Daemon was responsible for the Stepstones instead of building fortifications like Rhaenyra said they should out of pure spite, which is basically her saying they should do nothing abt the Stepstones. She herself worked to get Otto back bc she felt she was not taken seriously by Rhaenyra and the rest of the court. It was always Otto who directed her and the green's plans and directed the council after Viserys died. Yes this is all true, but the real reason why this scene made more sense to convey her limits as a woman is that she has no backup resources not the actual position to be be expecting to assert her will and almost demand for acceptance of her leadership. Rhaenyra is already in a leader's seat...look at your circumstances and act like one.

Also Rhaenyra's going to Alicent out of a stupid hope to make things stop (for why did she even think Alicent could do anything?!) as well as her allowing them to talk over her while being NOT a Queen consort like Alicent when bk!Rhaenyra likely would never except maybe from Corlys is ridiculous. She wants to do something with Maidenpool, don't allow them to roll over you and give those orders if you think they are needed so bad! Other than that, Lucerys was Aemond's kin, this is a major taboo, she is well within her rights to wage war for that alone in this society, nvm the wanting to claim back her seat and birthright.

So I think that we agree on the observation of why no one would follow Rhaenyra, but when it comes to Alicent there was just little way for her both as a Consort/Dowager to assert herself as Rhaenyra could and should, as Rhaenyra could have like GoT Dany (not ASoIaF Dany, I mean the show, and not the Dany who still reopens the fighting pits).

[lilac-hecox]

That anon that’s convinced you have something against Chanse and Angela doesn’t seem to understand that having a duo in everything is not comparable to having one cast member in everything. Yes, Shayne kind of saturates a lot of Smosh content, but he’s just one guy. It would be nice if he were rotated out more to give other members a chance to appear but Chanse and Angela take up two whole spots in a video rather than one (keep in mind, most videos feature like, 4-5 people). This applies to other singular people who show up a lot in videos too like Courtney or Amanda. They won’t feel like they’re dominating the videos if enough of the rest of the cast is in there with them.

Additionally, Shayne is a poor choice of example bc his style of comedy is not nearly as boisterous as Chanse and Angela’s. I think part of the reason he present so much in videos is bc he has such a laid back and versatile personality. He can be loud and silly and strange when the time calls for it but ultimately he’s very chill and can adapt to who else is in a video with him. Chanse and Angela are much bigger personalities. For clarification, this isn’t a criticism, just a fact. They kind of set the tone of the humor for a video when they’re in it together because their dynamic is so tight and they are able to heighten each other’s energy. They are both much more intense than a cast member like Shayne.

Now here is where the criticism comes in. It’s not with Chanse and Angela but rather with the cast rotation. Having two whole people dominate the current cast rotation with their high energy humor can get a little tiring. It starts to get tired a lot faster. I could just be extrapolating my own experience here, but that’s my theory. I love Chanse and Angela but I’m not always in the mood for their style of humor. I wouldn’t even mind them being in the cast rotation but being in separate videos more often just to change up the dynamic and bit. Which before anyone says anything, that sentiment applies to other duos as well. I love Ian and Anthony together but I like when they are in the occasional video without each other because then there is more room for the dynamic to be dynamic. The same goes for Amanda and Angela. The same goes for Shayne and Courtney. The problem here is not that anyone is hating on Chanse or Angela, the problem is that Smosh has had a longtime cast rotation issue that ebbs and flows unpredictably for viewers. I makes it so that your fave may not show up again for weeks and weeks on end which discourages viewership. If you don’t care for a cast member (or two) as much, or you’re just tired of seeing them all the time, it also damages viewership. It’s definitely been a problem with their content and I’m not sure why they don’t really seem to do anything about it but whatever. It’s not my company. Anyway, sorry this is long. It just immediately came to me when I saw that anon reply.

I appreciate your take on this because I do agree with you in the sense that even if Shayne is in a lot of videos he doesn't necessarily always have the focus of the video on himself. Like, if he's hosting he's more a sidenote than the main event.

Smosh does have a tone-deaf kind of rotation issue and with how they film you're right in the sense that suddenly it can be months before you see anyone else except those dynamics chosen for that particular shoot block. Though I think a few things have been shot and come out a little quicker lately so it has the potential to offer different dynamics.

I just wanna re-state yet again in this ask I don't hate Chanse or Angela by any means. I just don't want them or even Angela in almost every video the whole week.

[princesssmars]

love's philosophy

a catherine the great x reader

during a political trip to russia, you meet the rather peculiar emperor and his no less than extraordinary new bride.

wc: 5.779

contains: fluff bc catherine is a cutie who can do no wrong. me hating on peter. peter cheats (boo). catherine almost cheats (yay). i binged the show months ago so some things might not be accurate im sorry yall.

the only thing you could see outside of the carriage window were woods. cold, thin, and mostly dead.

what you guess would be the typical landscape for an russian spring.

but, occasionally, youd catch the patches of green of the rising grass, the small buds of blooming tree blossoms, and the rare small animal making its way from its winter slumber.

you hoped these signs of new and returning life were signs of what was to happen on this trip.

you and two of your most entrusted advisors had been sent to negotiate some new trade deals with peter, the emperor of russia. he had taken the throne after his fathers passing a few years ago, and youd heard many things about him through the grapevine.

(granted, none of the things you heard were very pleasant. in your opinion, he sounded like a bit of a man-child, unfit for the throne after his father's passing. but you kept these thoughts to you. this would help your country prosper, and create a hopefully helpful alliance.)

"i just want to remind you, princess, that things work very differently here in russia," your best friend and first advisor, anna, whispers from beside you, her big fur coat and scarf nearly obstructing your view of her face. her worried eyes peeked out from the gaps and you'd had to try not to laugh when you saw it. "its nothing like genovia here. the people are crass, rude, vulgar-"

"sounds like this will be a fun trip then." you jest, cutting off your dear friends ramblings and smiling when she glares at you. she always was a bit of a worrywart. but it was endearing.

"normally id critique our dear annas worrying, but this time she is right." a deep voice pipes up from in front of you both. the person in question is your other friend and advisor, thomas. he was the more critical and pessimistic of the two, but he was a softie at heart. "things work differently here, so we should tread wuth caution. i should give you some warnings before we enter the palace."

"alright, what do i need to know?" you sigh, relaxing into your seat. this could take a while.

"as you most likely already know, the new czar peter has taken over after the death of his father, also named peter. stop smiling, yn. the boy is much different than his father, known for his rather...extravagant ways. just try not to piss him off. he should be a bit more mello after marrying his new bride."

your head perks up. "bride? i didn't hear anything about a bride. why haven't i heard that hes been married? shouldn't you have told me this?"

thomas' eyes widen as he tries to argue against it before realizing that yes, he somehow forgot to tell you. he tries to ignore anna's teasing face.

"my apologies for forgetting, princess. yes, he has recently married a girl from france. her name is catherine. from what i've heard shes a rather timid girl, at least to russian standards. there should be no trouble on the front."

his knowing stare on you makes you pout. so yes, you might have slightly flirted with the wife of the ruler of italy. and you might have ended up in the same bed with her. whoops. but to be fair, she told you how dreadfully boring her husband was and how she was looking for something exciting and new in her life, looking at you with those big, wanting eyes...

"yn! stop daydreaming!" annas elbow nudges you, pulling you from your memory. your face feels hot when both of your friends laugh at you.

"oh please, you both know me. ill be on my best behavior. princess's promise."

.

.

.

so you might have fumbled with the promise. just a little.

after a long...loooong ride, you all had finally arrived at the russian winter palace, the grand estate nearly taking your breath away. or maybe that was the biting cold. your admiration was cut short by a gruff voice welcoming you. it came from a tall and stout man, his white wig contrasting against his flushed face and permanent frown.

"welcome to the palace, your royal highness. my name is velementov, peters war general. i've been tasked with escorting you inside safely. if you'll follow me."

he immediately starts towards the entrance, forgetting to check if you were following. as hes walking he nearly trips over some of the gravel on the ground. thomas whips his head over to you and anna when he hears a muffled giggle.

"sorry, that one was me." anna whispers, trying to compose herself.

you and your party follow the general in to the palace, walking through the grand halls and admiring the art within them. including the massive statue of peter the first.

"oh, this is just a great piece of work," anna awes, craning her neck up to observe the statue in greater detail. "how long did it take to complete?"

"i don't really remember. maybe two years." the general grunts, taking a pause before continuing on his way. the look on thomas' face makes you think hes regretting this decision.

eventually the peculiar general stops at two large doors, leading to what you presume is peters chambers.

"um, shouldn't we do this somewhere more formal? a meeting room or parlor, for example." thomas says, walking a bit faster while speaking to walk directly next to velementov.

"ideally yes, but first i must check if the prince is ready to meet you. he could still be hungover. or fucking. or both."

the three of you are a bit too stunned to react.

when velementov opens the doors, the muffled sounds of grunting, moaning, and a loud thumping on the walls rings through the hallway leading to peters bedroom. velemontov grunts, whispering something to one of the guards before escorting the three of you back into the wider hallways.

"peters busy. until he's ready you may be escorted by a guard around the toyr of the palace. they will lead you to the meeting room when we're ready. goodbye."

velementov briskly (as briskly as a clearly hungover man can go) walks away, not even checking to see if what he said was alright with you. three guards come up to you, their faces and postures remaining stoic.

"ohhhhhkay. alright, this is fine!" anna chirps, clearly trying to hold herself and the two of you together. "we are just. alone in a strangers castle in a strange country. this is ok. i wont freak out."

"good, because there is nothing to freak out about." thomas reassures her, sounding more like hes trying to convince himself. "we expected this, so lets make the most of it, hm? its a beautiful palace, and we can explore it while each looking for some of peters advisors."

"so try to find the people who hopefully have common sense?" you question, eyeing the way the guards eyebrows raise in shock at your not so subtle disrespect.

"exactly." thomas agrees, the three of you agreeing before heading off in seperate directions of the russian castle.

what you see along your short journey is nothing short of shocking yet amusing. multiple couples unsuccessfully hiding in the shadows while having intercourse, drunk soldiers and children running through the halls, with parents and hungover residents looking on in annoyance.

eventually you pass two large open doors which you can see lead to a library. walking in you see its quite expansive, with practically no one inside.

(to be expected, you didn't think most of the people here could read a paragraph let alone complete a book.)

you walk inside and observe, walking through the aisles and touching the spines of the novels. most of it seems to be in russian, of course, but maybe there was an international section...

while thinking, your mind spaces out and is only brought back when the body of another knocks into yours, the books they were carrying falling to the floor.

"oh my gosh, im so sorry. i wasn't looking where i was headed, here let me help you with those," rushes from your mouth, quickly dropping to the floor to help pick up the books for them; A Guide To Russian History and The Insides of Russian Aristocracy.

"no, no, don't apologize. I wasn't looking where i was headed because i was reading this book about...nevermind." the stranger says before joining you on the floor before also trying to pick up their books.

its only after the stranger speaks and you see their pale, slender hand on top of yours that you look up to meet eyes, your e/c meeting piercing blue.

its a woman, and not just any woman but a gorgeous one. she has fair skin, smooth and with nearly no blemishes at all, surprising since most of the other members of the court you've passed at least had a tint to their cheeks whether it be from sickness, alcohol, or both.

she has a striking face, both angular yet soft. it makes her beauty both intimidating yet welcoming. and at this moment you don't know which one you feel.

the both of you still for a moment, observing the other for longer than what was most likely deemed polite. you were speechless until you noticed one of the most striking things about her - her naturally blonde hair. youve seen a few other women here who were blonde but you could tell they were wearing wigs. with no shame of course, it was a regular among members of court life nowadays. but hers had that growth and effortlessness that let you know it was all hers.

"you aren't from here, are you? im guessing western europe, maybe france, germany?" you suddenly ask, finding yourself intrigued with this beautiful stranger you've met in an otherwise empty library. her face lights up at your question, making you glad she didn't find it rude.

"yes, born and raised in germany, how could you tell?" her questions makes you raise your brow, looking from her eyes to her hair. she catches on and laughs, looking down in slight embarrassment. "right, sorry. silly question."

"it wasn't silly, don't worry. i just asked because i was curious why you don't look like the rest of the court members. are you visiting from your home?" you quickly reassure her, not liking the slightly sad look that appeared on her face when she called herself silly. she looked much better with a smile.

her brows slightly scrunch together, looking to the floor before back to you with a sure smile. "yes, im visiting for a while. sent to study the russian culture and all, trying to help with politics."

"another thing we have in common, and thank god for it. i swear i was so nervous about me and my party being the only foreigners here." you exclaim, resting your hands on the mystery woman's shoulders in excitement. "would you mind chatting with me and telling me what you've learned? im sure there's some things i can tell you as well."

her eyes are wide and her face is bright as she stares into your eyes, nodding along to answer your questions. its just when you realize your hands are still on her shoulders and when she reaches hers up to gently grab your elbows, yet again dropping the books in her hands. you both look at the fallen materials for a second before looking back to each other and giggling.

.

.

.

you had spent who knows how many hours talking with the blonde woman, who you'd come to know was named sophie, about subjects ranging from politics to your home countries to even your favorite foods. you found her point of view on things interesting, her positivity coming off a bit naive but refreshing. but beneath it you sense a bit of sadness.

"are you feeling alright?" your questions cuts her off from what she was saying. she was enthusing about how she misses the landscapes form her home, how when she looks out the palace windows she can feel bits of herself start to wither away just like the outside landscape. she says it so calmly that you cant help but ask the question.

in response shes quiet, staring at you like you just asked her is she preferred to eat chicken eggs or duck eggs for breakfast.

"jesus, when's the last time someone asked you that question?" you put a hand on her shoulder, your tone playful in the hope she wouldn't answer. but the look on her face gave you your answer.

"if im being honest...it's been quite a while. if i tell you this, will you promise to keep it secret?" she asks, her voice unsteady with the hesitance of telling a stranger the problems of her current life.

"cross my heart and hope to die." you dramatically cross your hands over your bust, smiling when she manages a laugh at your theatrics.

she sighs, putting her hands in her lap and closing her eyes. "i have a husband, back home. arranged marriage." her eyes peak open to look at you, and you hurry to fix the look on your face from one of disappointment to understanding. "i was so hopeful before the wedding, but then i met and moved in with him and it's nothing how i imagined it would be. he's nothing like i hoped for. and i know i now have a duty to my country and people but i only have one other person to voice my sadness and just...anger to. but it doesn't feel like enough. i feel like i need to do more to fix my life or i'll go insane."

at the end of her rant she lets out a long sigh, relaxing her shoulders and slumping back into the wall behind you. she looks at you for your reaction to see you smiling at her. "what could possibly be amusing right now?"

"nothing, nothing. it's not everyday you meet a beautiful monarch on the edge of killing her husband. well, i take that back." she rolls her eyes and gently smacks your arm at your jest.

"i just poured out feelings i've only told my most trusted servant and you're going to joke around with me?"

"i've found that during the most dire times, nothing makes me feel better than saying 'fuck all' and laughing."

she sits in silence, staring at you as she seems to think over your words. it feels like the two of you are drifting closer together, her blue eyes flicking from your eyes to lower to lower-

"yn! yn are you nearby?" the loud voice of anna from outside the library causes both of you to flinch and look to the doors, waiting with held breaths as the sounds of annas heels pass by. the sound of her crying out your name grows quieter, but you both know you have to depart soon.

"i suppose that means i have to go now," you groan, standing up and smoothing out the fabric of your dress as you look sophie. shes just looking at you with those big blue eyes of hers until she collects herself as well, "its time for me to see the emperor, i suppose. will i see you around the palace any time soon?"

"yes, you'll be seeing me around. at least i hope so." her gentle admission makes you smile, and she clasps her hands together in slight nervousness. "i don't have many friends here. its nice to talk to someone who understands."

you smile at each other for a few seconds more until the sound of anna's voice rings out in the halls again. wanting to stop her before she causes a ruckus, you sidestep sophie and leave the library quickly, heading towards your duties and leaving her behind in the library.

.

.

.

“where have you been? i've been looking for you all over this god-forsaken palace!” annas harsh whisper spits at you, the shorter woman grabbing your arm and yanking you towards her as she continues walking down one of the wide halls of the palace.

"im sure they heard you over in india, my dear friend," you tease, letting out a squeak when she pinches your arm, "i was just in the library and having a very interesting conversation with a young woman when-"

"dont even finish that sentence. i dont want to to know what you get up to in the shadows with young women." anna groans and stops walking when you get to a quaint but grandiose set of doors. she pushes them open to reveal a grand bedroom, fit with a small area to converse with others over tea and snacks, a wide desk near the window with your bags containing your papers and documents set beside it, and the back of the room contains a large bed and intricate designs on the bedframe and sheets.

“nice of him to give us a grand room after his grand absence.” you deadpan, nodding thanks to anna and flopping down on the chaise near the fireplace. you kick your feet up and let out a long groan, closing your eyes and resting your arm over your eyes.

“dont talk like that, I heard he has spies inside of the walls,” anna jokes, closing the chamber doors and striding to sit in the armchair next to you. “besides, we’ve been formally invited to dine with the emperor, and his wife tonight, along with some of the other important members of his court. this could be your chance to judge his character, see what he's like to plan how you’ll go about your proposals with him for trading.”

you groan louder, smiling over at anna’s burst of laughter. “i have the feeling he'll be too consumed in drinking himself silly and doing whatever else these russians do."

"well then, lets at least get you dressed to the nines so he'll feel completely embarrassed that he turned down the chance to speak to you earlier." anna gets up and moves to your bags, propping them open and pulling out a gown that's not too gaudy but just lavish enough for a dinner with an emperor.

you smile, already imagining the look on the emperors' face when he realizes what an idiot he was for turning you down.

.

.

.

so, it turns out that peter was a bigger idiot than you thought.

upon entering the dining hall you come to see that the room is still mostly empty, save for a few maids preparing the table for dinner and what looks to be the chef getting into a heated debate with another servant.

walking over, the pair seem to stop speaking instantly when they notice you, bowing over as a sign of respect and not moving until you ask them a question.

“hello, i’m princess y/n. i was told i was to dine with the emperor and company, am i too early?”

“n-no your highness, i believe the emperor is a tad bit busy at the moment. he should be joining you soon.” the servant tells you, stuttering over some of his words as he fixes his position to look at you while speaking.

anna quickly takes her place in front of you, clearly able to tell by the shift in your stance that your mood has quickly soured upon hearing that peter has the gall to do this again. shes right in the middle of explaining when noises from the kitchen cause her and the room to go silent. you're on the verge of asking what it was when it comes about again.

moaning.

very damn loud moaning.

if you weren't so furious you'd be laughing your ass off, and by the way anna’s posture goes rigid you can tell she's holding herself back from doing the same. the chef and servant look so red you wouldn't be surprised if they were the tomatoes that were on the menu. you got the feeling that the embarrassment was from you having to bear witness, and that they'd likely been through this before.

“i think…we are going to find our seats now.” you let out a long exhale from your nose and smooth off your dress, putting on an amused and polite smile.

you roughly grab anna’s arm and pull her to the end of one of the tables, you sit yourself down in a chair in the middle of one of the side tables and she sits in the one to your left.

“look, your highness, we can walk through the gardens, w-we can go for another roundabout this damn gaudy castle, but can we please not stay here and listen to russian lovemaking session? and you've got that scheming look in your eye that you know i hate-”

“we’re staying here.” you cut her off, your tone letting her know your say is final. she fake pouts and sits correctly in her seat, staring at the wall ahead of her as you both try to ignore the familiar sounds of skin meeting and the rampant onslaught of moaning and groaning.

it feels like the longest few minutes of your life. as the seconds tick by a few more people slowly start to enter, all wearing posh clothing and powdered wigs that make it seem like they'd walked right out of a cheaper version of france. but you remain polite, smile, and do the basic introductions when they come up to you. you notice how they all ignore the unmistakable sounds of ecstasy from the kitchen as well.

you have to press your lips in a thin line when thomas rushes into the room and sits in the other chair next to you, hurriedly giving his greetings to the other court members and turning to you. he raises his brow in confusion at your teasing look, then follows your eyesight to the timid orlo who had entered the room and had sat near the head table. thomas’s face flushes when he turns back to you.

“stop it, nothing happened,” he whispers,” we discussed what's going to be addressed at your meeting with peter.”

your brow twitches.

“i think emperor peter has his hands full with other responsibilities.”

thomas’s mouth opens to ask you to elaborate when an “oh god, yes!” booms from the kitchen. anna snorts as his face shows mass embarrassment.

“he did tell us russians were very different, y/n.” anna jokes, butting her head from your side to look directly at thomas. “they’re crass, rude, and what was it, T? oh yes, vulgar.”

you’re on the brink of closing your eyes and banging your head on the table when the site of a familiar mop of bright blonde hair grabs your attention and nearly makes you sit straight up from your seat. you don't even hear the sound of your friends asking what the matter is, all you can hear is the sound of your heart beating erratically. it’d scare you half to death if you weren't so excited.

she makes eye contact with you and you smile, nodding politely. she nods back, looking on edge as she moves farther into the room.

“that's the woman i was talking to earlier,” you say, turning your head towards anna. she nods and smiles, and you decide not to acknowledge how it's the you've got another crush don't you bitch smile.

“she’s pretty.” anna whispers.

“she’s sophie.” you tell her.

“she’s princess catherine.” thomas butts in.

what.

you don't get the chance to question him when a man burst through the doors of the hall, his clothes in disarray and his hair even more so.

peter.

his beady blue eyes connect with yours, the man smiling as he would at an old friend and clapping his hands before raising them above his head.

“ah! your highness! welcome to the palace, i hope you've found your stay comfortable so far.” he greets you too little too late, getting distracted halfway through his sentence as a brunette woman in the same state of dishevelment, the pair smiling at each other as she passes to sit next to another man, his smile strained as she presses a kiss to his cheek.

“it’s certainly been memorable so far, your majesty,” you answer, your eyes following him as he moves next to soph-catherine, whose eyes dart between you and her apparent husband. she sits down, seeming to decide there’s no point in making eye contact as she stares at the china on the table.

“well, i hope during your stay you find many more things to remember. boris! bring us our food!” peter shouts, clapping his hands together as he turns toward the kitchen. it's a struggle to keep a courteous smile on your face.

the dinner is odd, to say the least. throughout most of it, peter is boasting about himself and his accomplishments, which honestly don't sound like anything important to you and more like thing your child brother was worrying about the last time you saw him. but he wasn't completely an idiot. just mostly.

the other half of your amusement comes from your new blonde friend. over the course of the dinner she continues to avoid you like the plague, only joining in conversation with you when prompted by peter. you aren't a fool, you know most diplomatic marriages are purely that, but you can help but notice the way she looks at him when he speaks. it's not just fatigue or distaste, its something more. something sharper.

when you and the other nobles have finished eating peter insists on moving the festivities to a parlor room, giving you some semblance of hope for a normal evening. which was quickly thwarted by the dancers and loud music and even more alcohol. its not all bad though, you get to see anna convince thomas to drink some hard liquor, resulting in him spouting from a chair about the history of the wood it was made from.

while laughing you notice from the corner of your eye catherine whisper something to one of the guards near the door before rushing out. looking around you, you see how no one seems to take much notice to the empress’s quick disappearance, so you simply stand up and walk out the door as well.

you underestimate how quickly the empress can walk, only able to catch glimpses of her skirts as she darts around hallway corners. after a few minutes of trailing her you find yourself in the palace gardens, only getting a few seconds to admire the hedges. catherine starts to slow down to catch a breather and you can faintly hear her muttering something to herself before you come up behind her.

“going for a little late night stroll, your majesty?” you question, keeping a cool smile when she turns around and looks at you like a startled doe.

“y/n, i mean, your highness, i didn't take you for a person who admires gardens.”

“and i didn't take you for someone to lie so easily, but i guess today is the day for surprises.”

you both go silent at your rebuttal, only the sounds of crickets in the garden and the faint noise of the still partying emperor in the distance being heard.

“i apologize, your majesty,” you sigh, remembering that you're here to make peace with the Russian and getting catty with them isn't the best idea. “i didn't mean to be rude. I'm just upset that you lied to me about who you were when i made it very clear who i was.”

catherine sighs as well, wringing her hands together as she steps closer yo you. “im sorry as well. for lying to you and avoiding you. its just that…you’re different than the other people around here.”

“i hadn't noticed. was it my complexion or my soberness?” you joke, laughing along with the empress when she giggles.

“more than that, you listened to me.”

the simple sentence felt like a light punch to the gut. it reminds you of the countless times you would sneak away to the village from your palace, conversing with the people in the market so you could have a normal conversation without someone sucking up to you. how you’d even settle for someone telling you off for bumping into their shoulders was appreciated because it was so real. you had to admit you had even found some joy and amusement in peter’s complete disregard for your visitation.

“i understand. truly, i do.” you mimic her previous actions and step closer, the distance between the two of you only about a few feet at this point. you take the chance to take her in more. they fly away hairs that frame her face, the few freckles that dust across her nose, and the softness of her lips…

she starts speaking again, causing you to compose yourself. slightly.

“thank god. it was just that as soon as you started talking to me like a human being i couldn't get enough of it.” she blurts, her lips pursing at the implications of what she said.

“its alright, i felt the same. i still do. I'm up for another chat as we walk if you are.”

she smiles. “i think i’ll take you up on that offer.”

the two of you talk about everything and nothing as you walk, with you teasing her for her rather foolish husband and her laughing along and agreeing. she tells you how often she’s found herself sick of him these past few weeks and that darkness returns to her eyes.

“i mean I've truly met some incompetent leaders but your husband truly takes the cake,” you chuckle as you slightly kick away a pebble. “im surprised no ones tried to overthrow him at this point.”

you keep walking for a few more steps before you notice catherine has stopped behind you, frozen in place. her face is conflicted, her lips in a pout and creases forming between her brows. you gently call her name and are shocked at the sudden intensity behind her eyes. even more so when her head darts to look around in all directions before she rushes to you and pulls you behind a bush and holds you by your shoulders.

“if i tell you something, something that could change you life, do you promise to keep it between us?”

“yes of course,” you answer, and you'd be slightly embarrassed at the speed of your answer if your brain wasn't preoccupied with her closeness.

“if i told you that someone was planning to revolt against peter, what would you say? honestly?”

“that it seems rather overdue at this point.”

her eyes scan your face, looking for something before she lets out a breath. “im planning a coup. against peter.”

you don't reply. you simply look at her, waiting for the crack of a smile or an eye roll or anything she didn't mean what she just said. but it doesn't come.

“you’re quite serious?” you ask.

“deadly. me, my handmaiden, and one of his advisors have been talking about it. we should have one of the generals on our side shortly and i thought with your support as well-”

“my support? catherine as much as i don't think that man should be on the throne, you do realize if this fails i could be targeted and killed?”

“we won't fail,” she states and says it with such assurance you find yourself fully believing her.

“well, how am i supposed to help from all the way in my country? it doesn't seem like peter is much interested in an alliance so me giving you resources isn't exactly on the table.”

“leave that to me. he’s done some horrible things to me in the last few weeks so if i ask for this as a gift i’m sure he’ll accept.” she tells, her grip on your shoulders steady as she gives you a bright smile.

you grin. “you really are something extraordinary, empress catherine.”

“sophie. you can call me sophie.”

her words are no more than a whisper, and its silent yet again. your eyes quickly look from her eyes to her lips to back, and you catch her doing the same. her head starts to lean in, and you slowly start to do the same until her lips graze yours-

“your majesty? catherine where are you?”

its almost violent the way you pull apart from each other, your respective hands quickly smoothing out your clothes to make sure you look presentable. when you finish your eyes look at each other, and she still has that dark look in hers with an added dash of a hunger you know all too well.

“catherine? are you over here-there you are. I've been looking everywhere for you.” orlo comes from around the corner, looking exasperated as he rests his hands on his hips. when he notices you however he resumes an appropriate posture. “your highness, im terribly sorry that i didn't see you. catherine, i will talk to you later-”

“its alright, orlo. i told her and she’s agreed to join us.”

“you what?”

.

.

.

the emperor's discussion room is wide and bright, the sun shining in the windows and creating a warm feeling. it could be because your friends are on both sides of you, or because catherine is sitting beside peter with a barely concealed look of excitement on her face.

“princess y/n! i apologize for yesterday. i was very busy, as you could see.” peter clasps his hands together and smiles at you like you understand his excuses.

“all is well, your majesty. i know that certain pleasures can distract us from our responsibilities. i don't mind. is there a reason you called me here?”

his eyes squint. “why yes. there is. i would like to officially form an alliance with genovia immediately. my wife here was telling me about your encounters yesterday and how you seem like a more than perfect ally.”

you and catherine share a look.

“where do i sign?”

its a rather quick process to sign a piece of paper that changes history, and when its over things feel different. permanent. peter gives you a handshake before departing, just leaving catherine. she warily opens her arms for a hug, and you envelop her in your arms.

“welcome to the winning side of history,” she whispers in your ear, and you can help the excitement that rushes through you.

[nefariousfool]

brat review under the cut bc no one on here gaf

It agonizes me to do so, but I'm gonna structure this in comparison to Taylor Swift's new album, not because we must "pit two bad bitches against each other" (taylor is not a bad bitch) or that everything must be about that wretched blonde woman but because their careers actually mirror each other quite well in some aspects that show both charli's weak spots on this album that follow what seems to be the trend for millenial pop artists, but also her strengths. also I never got to bitch about TDPS as much as I wanted to

Speaking of strengths, I'll start with those. Compliment sandwich to make the rest go down easy. She makes what is undeniably a fun album. Much easier to digest and more cohesive than CRASH, ultimately a wonderful example of her command over visual advertising matching auditory experience. I can easily imagine the best way to experience Sypathy is a Knife, Everything is Romantic or 365 is best heard loud as all hell in a club you don't remember arriving at and won't return to again for a few months for what it does to your body. As promised its a return to her public "prime" but cooler, sexier, a little wiser.

So I is maybe the only Sophie tribute that doesn't feel theatrical or subtle or in very poor taste. Rather than sheer worship over a woman who now is unable to live in the minds of many as a complete human being, charli admits she took her for granted. She doesn't mythologize her death but rather opens up that the wound of losing a friend you wish you spent more time with is still there. it might scar over, but the pain remains.

Now to where the comparison begins. Both artist imo had their best year the year of lockdown. The forced introspection made their work calmer, better. Taylor's was definitely in some aspect her trying to find herself after her absolute flop of a comeback album while also attempting to legtimize herself as an artist to the more critical pop crowd. Playing with narratives that don't involve her personal life was, while a bare minimum mark of a decent artist, something people weren't sure she was capable of anymore. It was a calculated move that birthed two albums that live as her best in her discography. Charli was, as far as I can tell, less calculated and far more authentic but netted the same results. The Cool Girl version of Taylor, she too achieved success in the late 00s as a teen, but rather than doing all American sweetheart gigs about how precious and lovestruck she is, she was 14 performing her songs at illegal raves. Her rising career was based off a very cool, distant persona. For this reason, she previously was not nearly as personal in her songs but took the lockdown time to open up about her feelings as well as her relationship with her long term partner at the time. They were songs that spoke personally to her audience, allowing them intimacy at a time when everyone was very vulnerable. Cringe exposing my emotions but party4u still brings tears to my eyes. It seems, in the latest albums of these two, they have "come home" to what is comfortable for them. You do see slivers of incredibly personal moments slip through, especially in Rewind and I Think About it All the Time (and of course So I) but overall rather than fond nostalgia for her roots this album gives the vibe of someone desperately trying to keep on a mask that used to protect her but doesn't anymore. Taylor, too, has slipped into her old habits of overexposing her personal life in uninteresting, spoken word lyrics that I hear in Brat as well. The lyricism feels lazy, attempting to act nonchalant and casual while abandoning a rhyming scheme completely for many of the songs. Some fans delight in this, but I know both of these women can do better.

Maybe this is all best exemplified in a song that wears the identity of the album the best, Mean girls. This mindset is ever present in the album, but this track is embarrassingly on the nose. Slapdash and pandering, it shows Charli has acquired a specific audience other than poppers addicts and people who wish they could have worked at an American apparel in 2010, and that audience is the fleabag type. A loser. You're showing your love to the losers and the haters. Maybe it's because im in this album and I don't like it, but it shows how much she too has attached herself to the persona of the late 20s shit head woman who is fun at parties if you're also drunk, but in the daylight is liked by no one who really gets to know her. the self victimizing "just being honest" woman with the soul of a wet rat, an intensely online woman, sex and the city's Carrie for Zelennials. miserable. This was where it was going to end up, wasn't it? This is the modern Cool Girl, after all. This is what she wants us to believe she is. She's so Julia. This is so Charli, I guess. It evokes pity in me.

I don't have much a compliment to end this with actually. Overall I do really enjoy it on a sound level, I'm likely to listen to it on repeat for a while yadda yadda. Whatever I was really critical of Crash upon release which I softened my opinion of as time passed but idk, millenial women cannot stop being messy and weird about it and it's embarrassing.

[aydaptic]

You know, for someone who has been described to have "garnered the hatred of his colleagues in record time", the game didn't really show a great job of it.

Yeah, Gavin does act in a way that makes this believable but when it comes to his interactions with others, it doesn't really show.

Tina is, at the very least, on good terms with him considering that she sits with him in the lunch room, listens to his story, doesn't speak up at all if he hits Connor and even follows Gavin when he leaves.

Chris also is shown to have no problem with him. He doesn't chastise Gavin when Gavin says "we could always try roughing it up a little", Gavin steps into defend him when Connor pulls Chris away from Shaolin and at the Eden Club, Chris doesn't say anything when Gavin mocks Graham and doesn't step in to defend Hank against Gavin's comment about his drinking even though Chris respects Hank.

Also, his description says "Ruthlessly ambitious, Reed will do anything to advance his career, even if it means treading on other peoples’ toes". I could see Gavin being like this to people low on the dpd totem poll, people he most likely will never speak to again but after seeing his interactions with Tina and Chris, I don't believe that Gavin could even do anything negative to them just to further his own goals.

I just find it interesting that in theory, Gavin was supposed to be this hated, deplorable and "evil" character but the more and more I've been delving into him, his actions and scenes throughout dbh, I honestly believe that they did a poor job of displaying him as the douchebag people are supposed to believe he is.

They only did a good job at making him "evil" to ppl with one brain cell.

As for the rest of us who practice critical thinking, we need more to go on. Unfortunately... it seems as if there are very few of us. I find that depressing. If anything, everyone at the DPD just seems to stay out of his way instead of scowling at him in disgust. There's no display of "hatred" or "fear" there. It's more like mild dislike for some and apathy for others.

One can argue that Chris and Ti are just passive ppl incapable of standing up for themselves -- that they just go along with whatever Gav is saying and/or doing at any point -- but it's been proven false.

Chris outright stands up for himself when Gav is telling him to get Shaolin moving in The Interrogation. Gav doesn't give him any shit for doing that. If he was so "evil," he'd tear Chris a new one after that, but Gav accepts his answer and just stays (impatiently) quiet.

Ti is very blunt and not laying herself flat when Markus mimics the dispatch lady in Capitol Park + questions said dispatch.

EDIT 01/30/2024: On a rewatch -- I was recording voice lines for a project -- I also noticed that Ti literally smiles amused for a moment looking at Con before she leaves the break room. Her initial reaction was uncertainty opening her mouth as if to say something (bc she didn't look surprised) when Gav decked him in the thirium pump regulator, but then she smiled.

Nearly impossible to dislike a person with Neil Newbon's charisma unless it's out of spite for the ppl who do like them and/or the actors/writers, etc. Gav being "hated" by the precinct doesn't make much sense in theory. Neil was too charismatic for the casting, lol. I'm glad he got the role regardless as few can pull off what he did.

[the-irken-pony]

Haven't visited this blog in a long time, finally decided to follow. Anyways, the new Among Us show. Trailer's out. Heard of it? Thoughts?

Yes I have watched it and yes I have thoughts lol

First of, my one main criticism: I don’t think Among Us lends itself well to a thin-lined art style. At least, not as thin as the show uses. While thin line art makes animating easier and is useful for smaller details (such as hands or outfit details, the Among Us art style is already very simple and the thin line art doesn’t look nearly as nice when it’s applied to the whole body. Even just a border along the outside of the characters would be an improvement imo.

Ok now onto the good stuff lol

It looks like we could get some info on what the crewmates and the Skeld in particular actually do and what their mission is, which I love. While finding (or running from) the impostors is the point of the game, there’s a lot of small details that tie the various areas together, such as the loading room/Skeld being present in Mira HQ and Polus. By extension, I notice that a lot of characters’ concepts are drawn from the various tasks in the game, which I also like.

I have no opinion on the VAs since I don’t really recognize any of them and we didn’t get any voice clips in the trailer. Better than all the voices once again going to Big Name VAs, though.

Given that the series is drawing from the various maps for pretty much every aspect in some way or another, that means we should address the elephant in the room (or my personal hiding hole, specifically) of what they’re planning to do with the airship map. The airship map is solely an homage to Henry Stickmin and holds no remnants of the Skeld or any Among Us continuity, so it could easily be just passed over and not appear in the series at all. Alternatively, it could lend itself well to a one-off crossover episode, either being just an AU of both Among Us and THSC, or being a meeting of the Skeld crew and the AU!Toppat Clan (haha AU bc it’s an alternate universe but also it’s… sorry ignore me). Of course this all depends on if PuffballsUnited would even want to, but while I won’t keep my hopes up too high I also wouldn’t discount the possibility.

That brings me to my final concern, which strays from the main topic a bit so I’ll put it below a cut:

With the new series comes the potential for there to be a resurgence of the THSC fandom. On one hand, the THSC fandom is pretty homogenous, and it’s hard to gain traction unless you either work your way into one of two, maybe three circles of people in the fandom, or you happen to fill a specific niche that no one else does. On the other hand, while I didn’t join the fandom right after THSC released, I did catch the tail end of its time having been more popular (particularly the discourse), and that’s a part of the fandom I wouldn’t want to see revived. I won’t say that the fandom as it is now is immune or exempt from displaying toxic behavior or stirring discourse, but it is a lot better than it was around 2021. That said, my autistic ass is probably biased in that regard.

[who-the-fuck-knows-blog]

edit: i wrote this like an hour or two after the episode. was in a really dark place. am only in a slightly LESS dark place. just want to emphasize that i dont actually. blame. djenkins or like. idk. i cant tell how i feel because i don’t want to blame creatives for the effect their narratives have on me personally. i dont want to make a bigger deal than is necessary i just dont know what is right and wrong in this scenario. sorry. ive seen people saying blaming him or talking about this is bad. and im just in The Horrors with my mental illnesses so i’m paranoid i’m doing something wrong here. I’m not saying djenkins meant for this to be the result. i dont think he would at all believe that. i think he meant for the best to happen. its not his fault or responsibility that i feel this way and that others feel this way. i’m mentally ill. i am not the arbiter of truth or sanity. i don’t want to delete this because its a marker of a vent/emotion/situation i went through. but it does not reflect my current beliefs entirely.

christ alive maybe think about shit for a minute like. to be like “i like when mentor figures die so i wanted izzy to die for eds growth bc he was like a mentor to ed”. ed spent the entirety of the first two episodes abusing the fuck out of izzy, izzy nearly killed himself. izzy got his leg cut off.

and then we think “okay. well clearly, izzy isnt coping well because theres no way that was his actual fault” yk. like sane rational people who have been victims of abuse in the past and used similar coping mechanisms to protect ourselves and our images of our abusers because we loved them.

we think “the show can’t possibly be telling us that izzy deserved it.” and then. he says “i provoked you. its my fault you attacked me.” and its not criticized or shot down or retaliated against. he deserved to get abused because he was harsh and wanted blackbeard to exist because without him he felt unimportant to ed. because he needed that closeness with ed but was denied because of their lifestyle.

what you end up with isn’t a mentor figure who went through the horrors and then died after a fruitful life. you end up with a man who was severely traumatized, suicidal, drinking to cope, telling the other man that serially abused him that it was okay because he was asking for it. a man who was just discovering he could be safe now dying immediately after.

i dont care if thats how redemption arcs or character arcs are supposed to go, if you are supposed to give this character everything and then kill him because his purpose was served. that message will cause so much harm to a lot of people. it already has.

please can someone talk to me or something. engage with me. i dont feel good. im feeling really really bad.