#nearly 70.. :(( im nearly 30 now

[transrightsjimin]

you ever just think ab how it took you about 10 years to re-discover your love for drawing and your (p much impossible) dream of being a comic artist and it really hits you how much more concerned and desperate your mom who is nearly 70 is becoming and you wonder how she managed to even get this old w all her health complaints and that you need to get your dream career before she will be gone forever bc you'll live the rest of your life w regret if you don't get to make her proud and show you followed your dream before then bc you know you're always so late and unmotivated w everything in life that her death would motivate you to make a change and you don't want that to be the motivation and be ahead of it. or is it just me

[sad-stucky-shipper-107]

The tusken massacre controversial take (both sides)

tw: mentions of rape, torture & racism

People WILL probably block me for this but IDC because I went up ahead and read up on the tuskens on the official Wiki and while I definitely DO see how it could be interpreted as racism (I genuinely believe Lucas Did Not mean for it to be read as such) . But. BUT.

I'm not saying the murder of the tuskens was "justified" but it was definitely a much. much. more complicated situation than people make it out to be. It is CANON that Tuskens are mistrustful to the point of Xenophobia of the other settlers on the planet, settlers who by this point have been there for generations. So the argument has to be made that their culture and traditions would NOT change overnight if at all. And therefore Anakin was right about one thing, (and I am willing to die on this hill.) the tusken children Would have grown up to be the same torturers and killers (possibly rapists, there were very few reasons for them to keep Shmi alive and none of them good)

Now, am I saying that killing children for something they might do or in this case Will do in the future is wrong? I'll be very honest, im only 70% sure my answer would be a definitive No. The other 30% is genuinely considering it. I cannot comment upon the female tuskens as there is literally almost NOTHING about them in Canon verse and so I know nothing about how culpable they are in this. But motherfucker NEITHER DO YOU.

Anyway yeah there are many tribes of tusken and some of them peaceful but this one was Definitely Not. We were sown this. This wasn't a matter of racism. this was a matter of Murderous, Torturing, Kidnappers. Who kidnapped and possibly raped this guy's mother.

Fact: Shmi was an innocent woman who had done NOTHING to the tusken

Fact: She was tortured at their hands for days

Fact: If someone did that to my mom, I'd be pretty murderous too especially if someone had been grooming (palpatine) me to give into my worst nature from age 9.

Idk man, things are definitely not as black and white as we are making them out to be. On EITHER SIDE. And if we're talking about bringing up the consequences of his actions before the senate? Most of them are not Nearly empathetic enough even give a fuck. They need the Hero With No Fear too much and even if they didn't they would NOT give a fuck. The jedi council definitely would but they would ALSO debate this, like a LOT.

EDIT: ALSO ALSO, ONE MORE HLL I'LL DIE ON, ITS MENTIONED IN WOOKIEPEDIEA THAT 1 TRIBE WAS A COMMUNITY OF 20-30 PEOPLE, STOP CALLING IT A FUCKING GENOCIDE. IT WAS A MASSACRE. IT WAS A FUCKING MASSACRE WHICH WAS UNACCEPTABLE BUT IT WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM A GENOCIDE.

Edit 2: The tuskens also engaged in slavery. Definitely not the "🥺 innocents" people make them out to be.

[crazylittlejester]

ok I'm doing the math! if 1 ounce of cheese is 2 dice and 2 dice is 0.63 inches, then it would take 2 & 1/2 half inch cheese cubes to make a ounce!

the average wheel of cheese is 20 pounds which is a whopping 320 ounces! now at 270 cheese cubes! if I divide it by 2.5 we get 108! One Hundred + Eight OUNCES OF CHEESE!!! (oh gawd my lactose intolerance is flaring from the thought of it!)

this means! if we are going from the standard 8 sections of cheese in a wheel (like a pizza!) that the woo-woo-wolf boy has had in 40% slices...so 320 % 8 = 40 and 108 % 40 = 2.7 meaning the boy has has over 2 and a half wedges of cheese! nearly 3 wedges but 30% was shaved off one! (if my math is right...I'm bad at math) so converting that back to weight since the wheel is 20 pounds! 20 % 8 is 2.5 meaning each wedge is 2 and a half pounds! 2.5 % 70% (which the calculator turned into 0.7) made the number 3.571428571428571 which were gonna round to 3.6 for simplicity's sake! MEANING! if each wedge is 2.5 pounds and 1 was smaller at 2.36 pounds (which were gonna round to 2.4) he is Nomming on 7.4 POUNDS of Lactose filled doorstops of goodness!!!

the ultimate cheese tax!!!

(plz correct my math if I'm wrong! I mean this is a calculated risk but I know I'm BAD at math)

im fucking obsessed with you doing math for this oh my GOD

i can’t correct it cos i too am ass at math, i havent had to do math in two years…

[tismandrelativedimensionsinspace]

I just caught up with doctor who and I’m really curious what you think about the episodes? Specifically 73 yards, dot and bubble, and rogue were my personal favourites so I’d love to hear your thoughts on them or the others

ooooh ok yes here we go

space babies - i loved it. ok? i get that a lot of people didnt like the cgi baby mouths. but i think it had such series 1 vibes (i.e. ninth doctor). it took me right back to my childhood. loved it tbh

the devils chord - :/ yeah. maestro was the onky redeeming factor of this episode tbh. it was supposed to be about the beatles but like. nothing about the episodes plot felt specifically beatles-relevant? like. you could have had the exact same plot with any 60s/70s band and it would have worked out the same way. i think if you're gonna do an episode surrounding a specific historical figure, the plot has to Only make sense for that historical figure. otherwise whats the point

boom - ugh. yes. 10/10. loved ncutis acting in this one. HE WAS LITERALLY STUCK ON ONE SPOT THE WHOLE TIME. COULD BARELY MOVE. AND HE STILL GAVE A HELL OF A PERFORMANCE. i was so impressed tbh. i love bottle episodes. the side characters were a little lackluster tbh tho. my only qualm with it really

73 yards - ANOTHER BANGER. i love love love when they get a bit horror with it. i loved that we got to focus on ruby and get to know her and her character a lot better. i very nearly cried when she was sitting outside her mums door on the phone. loved the mystery and the lack of a coherant solution, really added to the spookiness and fae vibes of it all.

dot and bubble - ok. im gonna be honest. this episode was boring to me. nothing really happened for the first 30 minutes. lindy was annoying as fuck. and i know that was supposed to be the point but like. if you're gonna do a doctor-lite-ish episode you've gotta make the focal character interesting. give me sally sparrow any day. i get what they were going for, i see the vision, i just think it could have been executed a bit better

rogue - yessssss!!! yesssssss!!!! loved the gay of it all, obviously, but i feel like that has kinda. taken over literally everything else about the episode??? i love the idea of larping aliens thats so silly and fun. i loved the fight mode scene with ruby holding her own. i loved the bridgerton-esque drama and ruby trying to comfort emily. i loved seeing ncuti get his "fury of the timelord" moment when he thought ruby was dead. the doctors dark side is so important!!! hes not all sunshine and rainbows!!! family of blood anyone!!!!

legend of ruby sunday - hm. the pacing was a little off. i felt like a lot of the time i was like. ok can we get to the point now. they mentioned the anagram thing So Many Times. and probability of trap. like ok girl we get it!!!! but. im very excited about sutekh!! he seems like a fun villain and very high stakes. and im so intruiged and compelled by rubys story. i Need to know who she is and who her mum is so so bad.

ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING BUT. YOU ASKED LMAO. AUTISM MOMENT

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH FOR ASKING BTW ILY!!!!

[saltlickmp3]

mackmp3 -> saltlickmp3

(still deciding if i like this url may change it again soon)

hello i'm mack :]

welcome to my blog it is terrible!

i am a lesbian (possibly aspec not sure), she/her/his (they is okay if you forget) (i like mostly she/her with a little bit of he - like she/her first if that makes sense). i am also butch! boydyke or something idkkkk but also not quite. boy in a girl way. or something <3

i am a teenager but no longer a minor & i'm from aotearoa new zealand and am pākehā (white)

i am a musician! i play bass, guitar and sing in descending order of proficiency hehe. i can also do harmonica, thank you folk music phase, and i'll attempt piano. i write songs too! all audio recordings are under #musicking , hopefully they are cool :)

i also draw and paint! art stuff is tagged under #my art ! i have actually improved quite a bit recently i think which is nice

i'm not really comfortable with dms but if you'd like to say hi or talk about / rec some music or just tell me something, please send an ask! I would love to hear from you! (if you've sent me a dm pls don't stress about it, i'd just rather not talk privately, thank you for your consideration)

it would be great if i wasn't followed by people over 30, for my own comfort - this is at my discretion, lots of you are chill. i intend no offense if i block you <3 also like. please no bigots not that any would listen to that. thanks.

my music i am normal about

here's my very very diy ep, Scapegrace !

genres i like &/or aim to make music in :

post punk // industrial // 90s indie // shoegaze // 60s & 70s folk & folk rock // garage rock // psychedelica // goth // dunedin sound // new wave // no wave // electronic

currently listening to : placebo. save me brian molko

pleaseeeeee talk to me about music i can and will make you a playlist on any vibe if you would like <3

media yippee

i've been thinking about doctor who for solidly a year now so if thats your thing my sideblog for that is @butchtwelfthdoctor

you can look at my letterboxd if you so desire but i will admit i don't watch nearly as many films as i would like. my last.fm also but it doesnt pick up when im listening to the stuff ive got downloaded so. not particularly accurate. also here's my neocities (very much a work in progress)

the starless sea (favouritest book ever) // we have always lived in the castle // this is how you lose the time war // salt lick //m train (any of patti smith's books honestly) // bob dylan's chronicles // vampire science

the sideblog is @mackerel-like-the-fish for stuff that's not as on theme - if we're mutuals feel free to follow that! i mean anyone can follow it if you like but don't expect quality content lol

[mainfaggot]

sept. 4th '24

i feel so fucking insane god i hate and love university.... so exhausting, but sometimes there is serotonin.... is it worth it??? u win some u lose some. u lose a LOT and sometimes u win. 70/30 where 70 is losing and 30 is winning. sometimes 50/50 . i think learning is cool i think perfectionism and over achieving will kill me i think im smart when it doesn't matter and stupid when it counts i think i should shut down like a broken MacBook

im a really extroverted introvert: if i end up talking to someone new by chance, i put on a whole show. I don't know how much of it is real and how much of it is an attempt at proving to myself that i can be sociable, charming, and everything i have never been growing up. how much of it is my genuine will, interest, and need to interact with new people and how much of it is theatrics, people pleasing, and born from insecurity in my identity? it's truly a mixed bag. there IS a part of me that yearns for connection with others. but i fear that right now, these days, when i end up in social situations that are unfamiliar i just want to feel like... i can get an A+ in Being. let me be Something. let me hide the Nothingness. let me shape shift!!!!!! or something. this sounds fake deep perhaps. i don't know. it is what it is.

making a new acquaintance always makes me want to crawl out of my skin. i nearly always end up ghosting or cutting people off because i can't take it—i can't handle being genuinely open or vulnerable; i can't get off stage, i can't stop performing, and then i run out of energy to pretend and execute my well rehearsed disappearing act. it's pathetic is what it is. it's familiar. it's so fucking stupid.

[artesianalpondscum]

EXHAUSTIVE POLAROID CAMERA GUIDE FOR POLAROID CAMERA NEWBIES AND THE POLAROID CURIOUS FROM SOMEONE WHO TRIALED AND ERRORED THEM SELF OUT OF NEARLY $600 TO GET A GOOD EXPIERENCE AND THINKS YOU SHOULDNT SO IM MAKING THIS OUT OF SHEER SPITE TO THE POLAROID COMMUNITY GATEKEEPERS WHO THINK YOU SHOULD

TLDR at end

ALL RIGHT FUCKING NERDS YOU WANNA BE ONE OF THOSE WEIRDOS THAT WALKS AROUND TAKING POLAROIDS IN THE 2024TH YEAR OF DIVINE ABANDONMENT BUT DONT KNOW WHERE TO START? LET ME HELP YOU NOT WASTE HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS IN TRIAL AND ERROR LIKE I HAVE AND GIVE AN ACTUAL HELPFUL GUIDE AND WHAT TO EXPECT!

First the film

Polaroid film come in a few kinds main two are I-Type and 600 Film (SX-70 & 8x10 are for cameras were not discussing in this thread as those are for geeks not nerds), both are essentally the same except 600 film has the battery in the casette that older Polaroid cameras need to function and the I-type is the same size and shape casette sans the battery for new cameras and this is the most important note regarding film you want crystal clear sharp images and bright blues and greens like a phone pic but on a instant film get an instax why?

Polaroid 2024 is not Polaroid 1984

modern polaroid started out as a company called "the impossible project" in 2008 who purchased all the equipment to make polaroid film when Polaroid was shutting its door BUT because whofuckingknows why Polaroid said "nuh-uh" to selling the actual formulation of the film which died with the company so the Impossible Project just had to home brew it with what was available. as a end result Modern Polaroid film is thicker so a cartridge holds 8 shots now instead of 10, and is as sensitive and tempermental as a serial killer ferret, that is to say not at all and very. you can shoot a wall of blue in a blue museum with a blue filter over the lens and the film will still have a warm hue to it, and while direct light during the developing stage of Polaroid back in the day overdeveloped it jnto hell nowadays it can not be overdeveloped so easily in direct light as an extra 3 seconds in the winter sun or 10 seconds under a lamp can help it come out nicer but im jumping ahead.

Fujifilm Instax,

however has had their film in production since 1998 and is very capable of producing clear quality shots with very accurate color and a price per exposure half that of polaroids and cost for entry is far cheaper than Polaroid overall so pickup an instax mini/square (or wide if you're weird) camera while its smaller itll be that "phone pic but on film" clarity youre looking for

see the difference below and how Polaroid on the left cant do a pure white where the blues become purple because of the everpresent warm cast in polaroid whereas Instax on the right can do a pure white so the color is better with in my opinion a slight blue cast

NOW FOR THE REST OF US MASSOCHISTS WHO WANT TO GO POLAROID?

this is very important

Dont Buy one of the new ones off the shelf they are garbage look for slect retro to 2017 models!

what kind of retro camera to buy? do I need to summon Glasya-Labolas out of the Ars Goetia* going into thrift stores to find one? maybe, to that second question but let me show you the basic differences with the way-too many cameras I own first and show you with what to look for on ebay and in thrift shops. I paid no more than $45 for any one of these cameras and most were under $30 and to me that is a comfortable price that i would say is a good starting range

* please dont actually summon Glasya-Labolas just ask Lucifer its easier

BEHOLD MY COLLECTION

now these are 6 different cameras right? WRONG 2 of these are functionally identical, one is functionaly identical but tries poorly not to be one in theory works well so what youre looking at here is really 4 different types of camera of which 2 are actually worth purchasing.

Polaroids function by a series of plastic lenses* concentrating the picture to a mirror when the shutter opens and that mirror reflects onto the film which functionally classifies Polaroid as a Box Camera. what you need to focus on is one simple feature and that is the Focusing

*not all polaroids have a plastic lens there Is a series called the SX-70 and a 8x10 model that has glass lenses it's a reflex camera and other features for really sharp pics but thats for geeks not nerds we are nerds here

retro/vintage polaroids all (except exactly one unit) have a auto light meter that auto adjusts the esposure time to get the best brightness and worked reliably well on old film but on new film youre going to want to make use of the exposure compensation bar under the lens and bump it up at least half way (it even says to adjust the compensation by 1/3 up on the film box so this is a thing known by the company)

now FOCUSING is a whole mixed bag and focusing on old polaroids works in one of 4 ways (except the SX-70 and 8x10 cameras)

images to follow descriptions

1- FIXED FOCUS

the every day run of the mill Polaroid (and instax to greater extent) camera it has the sharpest clarity at 4 feet okayish up to 12 feet and 4 to 12 feet ONLY, this is 95% of what you will find in Polaroids as this was the most common way they were made and offers decent pics in the "tea steeped for one minute too short with almost enough tea leafs" type of decent, like sure maybe some people like it that way and alot of people who dont drink tea wouldnt be able to tell you the difference except that its weak and is "fine enough" but why would you if you have choices

how to identify - again its the vast majority of the 600 cameras youll see, if the face looks like some variation of these faces then its a fixed length

2- little plasitc filter shit "Close up lens"

this little fucking thing is the biggest lie ever made on any product, take the fixed focus camera that functions decently enough then add a psuedo magnfying glass wannabe filter you slide out in front of the lens that is supposed to give you a 2 to 4 feet of focus length, it doesnt, it adds a weird halo around the edges and over concentrates light onto the film bleaching out what little cool tone colors you have while adding a warped bluring to what little detail you can make out. these are somewhat common for all of the newer ones (post 1997 to closure in 2008 except the spectra and "one" which dont buy either as its not supported and lacks stuff again getting ahead of myself) as Polaroid just ended up throwing them on by default for the sake of a feature

how to identify - it has a little slider on it that shows two different focal lengths to the left of the lens

to see what i mean about destroying your photos with this camera style, that ring around the edge is the edge of the lens cover that covers your lens and in that focus area it overmagnified the available light and burnt the film

3- Sonar Autofocus

Sonar Autofocusing uses a Sound wave that humans cant hear that in nanoseconds chirps out and then guages how quick it takes for that sound to reach back to the camera and then selects one of 5 zones of focused lenses closet being shapest at 3 feet but can still pull some ok detail at 2, based on that, these can produce really sharp pics so long as

a- you're not in a room with horrifyingly loud muic

b- a room competing to be an anechoic chamber

c- not trying to shoot through a window*

these are kina iffy to find but not impossible

how to identify - it has a big-ol gold disc on the face of it cant miss it

*some models let you bypass the AF to focus on the default 4 to 12 feet focus length while allowing for the flash bypass trigger † to be used for shooting through windows or in situations where the sonar might not work for your photo

† not all models

4- IR autofocus

uses an IR beam in the flash to send a "wink" to a reciever under the viewfinder to choose one of 2 focusd lenses (think the "close up lens" but automatic and inside in the camera) the af cant be turned off nor can you bypass the flash on all models as the mechanism needs the flash bar to focus, it still cant shoot through windows since it needs flash and has three less focus ranges, and like all IR based AF on any camera it can misread very easily

somewhat hardish to find since these were made starting in 1997 and Polaroid went down hill quickly after the advent of affordable digital cameras (The last model ever made Polaroid one has an IR sensor and so do some spectras but as stated previously dont bother with them)

After digital cameras and the digital revolution in the late 90s/ early 2000s people no longer needed a polaroid camera to send pics for insurance claims or to take nudes without having to worry about a developing studio seeing them, Oh yeah outside of professional settings polaroids were mostly used to share nudes as before them you could ask your local film studio who had the biggest dick in town and get a factual answer, if you diddnt know that well now you do, so post 97 models id stay away from even though some of them are cool and futiger aero designed like the Polaroid One 600, which is the last model ever made by Polaroid before closing and selling all there stuff (except the film formulation) to The Impossible Project but due to all the cost cutting that was being done its not worth it looking for one for anything other than a collectable because its missing the most important factor needed for impossible film the exposure compensation meter despite having an improved IR AF over the 97 model

below pic left to right is a mid 90s polaroid and the last model Polaroid 600 One

What was that I said about something called the "spectra" earlier?

yes the spectra would have been the polaroid to get however the impossible project gave up on it due to spectras uniqueness and the issues that came along with it. see the spectra 1200 film was a touch wider than the regular 600 film and its rollers were very very much made for the old polaroid film that impossible's film no matter how they pinched and squeezed and forced angles and coated what have you they simply brokedown and jammed irreversibly alot so fun to collect but its truely a RIP but for me ill still pick one up one day as a show piece

GREAT SO WHAT DO YOU BUY OUT OF THESE IF I WANT TO HAVE A POLAROID EXPIERENCE ILL LOVE OR ENJOYABLY TOLERATE

answer

the ones with the Sonar auto focus

ideally modles (readable on face above where the pictures come out) Sun 660 AF, Supercolor 670 AF or, Impluse AF

Best will be the Sun 660 AFs or supercolor 670 AFs overall as they have the option to shut off the flash (by pulling the trigger behind the shutter button) and have the sonar focus overrided with a button on the lid (hold it as your taking your photo)

HOWEVER while the Impulse AF might not allow you to turn off the flash or sonar foucs it its one of the few vintage models that have a built in 10 second timer that you can still get film for, and a signifgantly better view finder

all in a slightly sleeker ever so distinctive late 80s early 90s consumer electronics vibe that no retro revival has ever been able to replicate so if that is worth the compromise get one of those (or both its nice to have options but you do not need a 660 and a 670 thats redundant) definately a solid option as well

WHY IS ONE SUN ONE SUPER COLOR SOME ARE LIGHTMIXERS SOME SAY SE WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

marketing terms no functional difference otherwise.

so how big a difference does the Sonar AF make well quite a serious difference

WAIT IM AN ASPIRING GEEK NOW WHATS THE SX-70 PLEASE I NEED TO KNOW!

ugh okay

The SX-70 (this also applies to the 600 film equivalant 680) with sonar AF is arguably the best of the vintage polaroids but any SX-70s is great, glass lenses with manual focus control or on later models sonar focus, you look out the same lens thats taking the pic so you dont have to compensate at all when framing your pic like on a regular Polaroids and worst of all its the camera of choice for the "UUh Acktually" enthusiasts that gatekeep a good expierance with Polaroids away from people who just want to have a decent time without making it their personality so you know what that means!!! yep these are are so gloated and prized about these are the only style vintage polaroids that arent limited edition that frequently go well above the price of the brand new Polaroids no matter how shit the condition sometimes even tripple due to scalping thus these are expensive as all hell, awkward to hold and a pain in the ass to get meanwhile these things need to be modded to accept some modern films specialty flash packs with extra batteries and a bunch of other random little things that make it annoying to use that ill bother to learn about if i see one for under $50 and feel like buying it that day.

SWEET I GOT MY SONAR AUTOFOCUS 660/670/IMPULSE POLAROID HOW DO I GET A GOOD SHOT WITH IT

like i said at the start of this modern Polaroid film is tempermental and despite how much they tell you its light sensitive its not sensitve enough! when i said way back that there is a light meter in them, there is and there is an accompanying slide bar that makes it expose the film longer or shorter in addition to the automatic light meter

when you take a photo using the default exposure "slider in the middle" you will get a underexposed film as an end result see below

this was taken on my Sun 660 AF SE and while i got super sharp detail that made my eyes cry when i first saw it because up to this time ive only dealt with fix focused cameras. it was WAY dark so i moved the exposure compensation up a few times to

There and and the end result was

DETAIL, COLOR, EVERHING YOU COULD WANT IN A MODERN DAY POLAROID PIC and better yet entirely repeatable.

(note other pics i trialed and errored had just as good results with the adjuster sitting at the base of the arrow but not as wow as this)

IF ITS COLD/ HOT OUTSIDE DOES THAT AFFECT THE FILM

yes too cold film or too hot film will make the phots come out a pale blue if its cold or a pale magenta if its hot (which is very meta) while some people take advantage of this to make monocromatic film in an artsy way you might not want to so keep that in mind you need to keep the film in a comfortable temprature zone of

55 – 82° Freedom units

13 – 28° Complementary Healthcare units

getting a bag that has a insulated space for a cold pack can help in the heat but if its cold out you can do the same as above but with a hot pack OR when you take the photo as soon as the fiolm is finshed being ejected out take it out and put it right into your pocket or in your coat under your arm to warm it up during the development stage. really old Polaroid cameras used to come with a "cold clip" for this exact use

CAN I USE ONE FILM CASETTE FOR MORE THAN ONE CAMERA ONCE ITS BEEN PUT IN A CAMERA THIS SHITS KINDA EXPENSIVE

absolutely... not without damaging the top two sheets of film (thus 1/4 or .25% of the casette a total loss), just accept that once the film is installed its committed to that camera dont worry for the intrusive thougts I have examples of what happens the pic on the right was the exposure at the top of the casette and the left was the one after it. i swapped the casette in a fairly dark car at night and what you see on the left is a sonar auto focus camera trying to take a pic of some street lights through a window on damaged film.

ARE THERE ANY THINGS I MUST CONSIDER THAT I WOULDNT THINK ABOUT OVERTLY OTHERWISE

Yes just like being a fan of Taylor Swift there is a underlying level of ecological damage that you might be doing but is realistically negligable when compared to the environmental damage unregulated and underegulated industries produce and when compared to general overconsumption waste things like fast fashion and water bottle trends produce (and is 100% lead free).

Polaroid 600 and SX film Cassettes that Polaroid film is stored in are made of 3 main pieces, the plastic shell, metal spring piece (both parts of which can be recycled) and a lithium ion battery that is used to operate the camera, now there is a way to recycle them that involves breaking out the plastic front and seperating out the metal piece to put into the recycle and taking the battery to recycle at a place that recycles lith-ion batteries, however if you do not have such facilities available to you unfortunately it kinda becomes a chuck it in the trash thing. but keep in mind your maybe half a dozen or so film cartridges or cartridge batteries that wind up in the trash over a year or so arent going to add in any meaningful or impactful way to the the cause of global climate change or detonate thermonuclear bombs of battery acid onto baby seaturtles or anything like that even when millions of people are doing it too. so its entirely up to you to your own concious and/or ability to recycle them

HOWEVER if you want a battery free casette option so you can recycle more easily you can get one of the 2017 Polaroid OneStep 2 or One Step 2+ Cameras that use a built in rechargeable battery and you can get the I-Type film that does not have a battery in the casette keep in mind these cameras are discontinued and as a result of being one of the only good post-polaroid closure instant cameras under the Polaroid name they are being scalped online as far as prices go

I HOPE YOU FOUND THIS INFOGUIDE HELPFUL AND THANK YOU FOR READING

THE TLDR

new polaroid film wil alway be warm hued and unexposed and as for polaroid cameras available in stores new ones suck, most of the retro are meh ,to expensive for no reason. Buy a polaroid sun 660 af or supercolor 670 af but if you dont want to be able to shoot without flash or shoot through glass by turning off the auto focus and would like a 10 second timer instead get a the Impulse AF and slam up the exposure to very nearly all the way up to where the adjuster is on the arrow's middle or lower half if you want a model that has a rechargeable battery instead of a battery in the film casette to reduce e-waste and make it easier to recycle get a 2017 Polaroid Originals One Step2 or One Step2 + to use the battery free I-type film

[lavenderfairycow]

1. coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars

3. bubblegum

4. i was homeschooled

5. soda bottles

6. kinda preppy i guess?

7. earbuds even though i prefer headphones because i always break them and earbuds are cheaper

8. tv shows

9. the relief of rain within the drought

10. never took p.e. because dance counted in its place

11. bagel and fruit

12. right now it is called "audition anxiety? i don't think i know her."

13. lanyard

14. fruit snacks or anything mango

15. to kill a mockingbird

16. crossed legs

17. converse

18. foggy with light rain

19. all over the place, i don't have a solid answer for you there

20. my notebook and then i type up anything worth typing up on my laptop

21. emily dickinson

22. sufjan stevens

23. i never have anything to do with the number 3 especially before something important like an audition or an exam because of the curse of 3

24. amethyst

25. yellow by coldplay

26. think about cold weather

27. go walking in the fog with a hot chai latte and good music

28. hoax by taylor swift, to be alone with you by sufjan stevens, demi moore by phoebe bridgers, outta my head by m ward, should have known better by sufjan stevens.

29. making shared playlists

30. the paradise theater, my grandfather's house in centralia, washington, the side stage curtain in dublin where our lips nearly collided, but i hesitated.

31. spiderweb tights, black (faux) leather skirt, and black corset.

32. girl i barely remember vine 😂

33. you've got to be fucking kidding me

34. grammarly

35. 12-2 am

36. something about aquarius probably

37. suitcase

38. tea

39. lemon meringue without the pie

40. im an online student

41. my mom

42. pants pockets?

43. jean jacket of course

44. lavender and oat

45. fantasy

46. gray comfy shorts and a sports bra

47. do goldfish count?

48. mango!

49. "your faithless love's the only hoax i believe in" - ts

50. when she and i were fencing at rehearsal and i knocked hard into her so we both collapsed to the ground laughing and smiling at each other, our fingertips nearly touching.

51. i don't have my audition results back yet from friday, it's only sunday but im losing my fucking mind.

52. cambria

53. raw bitten nails, chipped scarlet polish, and they hurt from typing all night

54. i learned how to advocate for myself

55. snow white and rose red

56. my mom and i always make organic pumpkin muffins with a hershey's dark kiss in the middle for the autumnal equinox.

57. losing my home and town to wildfire, first (unrequited) love, academic pressure but it's the opposite because my parents want me to go to community college

58. writing poetry, painting with watercolor, persuasion, natural kindness

59. free gay hugs! free gay hugs!

60. i don't know anime that well

61. "is it better to speak, or to die?" - call me by your name (2017)

62. elio perlman, ellie chu, kate messner, rory gilmore, little dog, jane penderwick, luna lovegood.

63. i don't do clubs

64. pinterest, i lied about my age at seven

65. one on the palm of my hand

67. snowdrops and daylilies, also calla lilies

67. the number 17

68. meat

69. never wash your hair before an exam

70. right

71.triangles

72. math

73. strawberries and hot cocoa

74. 3

75. i don't remember, but i stopped at 13

76. crinkle cut french fries

77. aloe vera or basil

78. coffee from a gas station

79. school id photo

80. a mix of both

81. fireflies

82. pc

83. both!!!!!!

84. podcasts

84. barbie

85. mythology

86. cookies

87. the number 3, also rejection

88. to end up with my first love

89. my mom

90. quitting competition dance freshman year

91. bags

92. fairy lights, with lamps as a close second

93. mel and melly

94. autumn

95. spotify

96. western washington university campus

97. 5

98. shakespearean / elizabethan

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

7. earbuds or headphones?

8. movies or tv shows?

9. favorite smell in the summer?

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

12. name of your favorite playlist?

13. lanyard or key ring?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

18. ideal weather?

19. sleeping position?

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

21. obsession from childhood?

22. role model?

23. strange habits?

24. favorite crystal?

25. first song you remember hearing?

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

28. five songs to describe you?

29. best way to bond with you?

30. places that you find sacred?

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

32. top five favorite vines?

33. most used phrase in your phone?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

35. average time you fall asleep?

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

38. lemonade or tea?

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

41. last person you texted?

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

44. favorite scent for soap?

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

47. favorite type of cheese?

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

51. current stresses?

52. favorite font?

53. what is the current state of your hands?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

55. favorite fairy tale?

56. favorite tradition?

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

62. seven characters you relate to?

63. five songs that would play in your club?

64. favorite website from your childhood?

65. any permanent scars?

66. favorite flower(s)?

67. good luck charms?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

70. left or right handed?

71. least favorite pattern?

72. worst subject?

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

82. pc or console?

83. writing or drawing?

84. podcasts or talk radio?

84. barbie or polly pocket?

85. fairy tales or mythology?

86. cookies or cupcakes?

87. your greatest fear?

88. your greatest wish?

89. who would you put before everyone else?

90. luckiest mistake?

91. boxes or bags?

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

93. nicknames?

94. favorite season?

95. favorite app on your phone?

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

98. favorite historical era?

[dollwrites]

Omg please tell me what episodes you’ve watched so far so I don’t accidentally spoil anything! Lol I’m so afraid of saying something and then you being like I haven’t gotten that far yet 🤨

So with the conceding thing nyra was crazy to ask alicent for help right after daemon killed aegons son 😭 and the fact that she thought alicent had any power at all, like girl she can’t do a damn thing her kids don’t like her and don’t listen to her lol.

Rhaenys and her dragon were so beautiful omg. I have a huge crush on rhaenys honestly, she deserved so much better than corlys and in the beginning i liked corlys i thought they were couple goals but he just reminded me that men are trash tbh. Like of course he cheated on her, basically all the men in this show cheat 🙄 that’s another point to aemond tbh, he doesn’t fuck minors and is loyal to one woman lmaoo.

I’m crying turn your attention to the other one LMAO 😭 yeah I hate Jace’s ass, almost as much as I hated Luke. Like you bitches tormented aemond for not having a dragon then decided to 4v1 him because he finally got a dragon??? And then the fact that years later Luke decided to AGAIN bully aemond and laugh at him at the dinner after aemond was literally minding his business not doing anything 🙄 he was either brave or stupid for that because HOW are you going to look at him fighting in the courtyard literally winning against crispin, and see the psychotic look in his eye and just the overall psycho vibe he has and be like yeah… I’m gonna provoke him. It was so funny to me though when Jace punched him and aemond didn’t even flinch, literally smiled as he was getting punched, and then didn’t even put down his wine and only used one hand to push him to the ground like a little bitch 🤭 Jace needs to go now too, im so sick of seeing him on my screen

So with the dragons! They are fireproof to some extent but not completely fire resistant. The older a dragon gets the stronger and more fire resistant their scales get. And the older they get the hotter their fire gets. So with meleys she’s an older dragon, not nearly as old as vhagar, but she’s one of the older ones probably around 70? So she would be less affected by fire than sunfyre since sunfyre is about 20-30? Maybe a little older, his age was never specified but he’s a young dragon.

Omg you’re already collecting TikTok’s 👀 listen you don’t wanna get me started on that, I have over 800 TikTok’s saved of aemond, it’s genuinely a problem 🫠 lmao but ive also been collecting them for over two years so they just kinda added up lol.

I’m so glad you’re on the same page as me like you get it 🥲 the amount of ���Omg sub aemond!” That came out after season two, and the amount of sub fanfics and stuff 😮‍💨 I mean people can see him like that if they want but I never have and for a little while it was getting harder for me to find dom aemond content lol. Conqueror is the perfect word for it omg 👀 I don’t really see him as giving up control very often.

You are LITERALLY me lol the second I finished watching the first season I was like omg… I need to make every single person in my life watch this with me. So I made my mom watch it with me, then my best friend, then my brother, then another friend of mine. They all know extensive knowledge about house of the dragon and aemond because of me lol. When I made my best friend watch it with me I told her that the absolute love of my life, a guy I was completely obsessed with was in it but didn’t tell her who. So every single time a new man popped up she was like is it him? How about him? And when aemond popped up she went “oh my god that’s the ugliest man I’ve ever seen… yeah it’s him.” LOL my poor pookie 🥲 but she knows me well she immediately knew it was him.

AHHH I’m just about to start episode 8!! IM SAD IM ALMOST DONE WITH IT AND IVE ONLY GOTTEN AEMOND CRUMBS

FIRST I WANNA SAY.. Hugh… big Viking looking daddy… I’m so happy he claimed vermithor !!! But at the same time 🤨 can I be mad about ULF ??? GETTING A DRAGON ??? He was like the biggest loser I was like surely they wouldn’t do oh ok nvm

Omg I didn’t even think about the fact that was right after that’s INSANE also.. Ms Alicent whyy are you chillin in the woods mama I mean honestly same if I could stumble into the woods and never return to civilization I probably would SKSKKS

Yeah i definitely simped for corlys too and his brother lowkey… and I know they couldn’t make more than one faithful man bc it wouldn’t be as realistic 🙄

Jace is actually pissing me off so much with this “lowborn” crap like did he forget that he is also a bastard child? Aemond didn’t get the chance to remind him in this episode so he must’ve forgotten /j BUT LIKE ALSO I won’t often take up for nyra but I will say him throwing a fit over his real dad and basically like looking down on his mother is so eugh— like didn’t nyra and laenor attempt to have babies but laenor could never perform bc of his sexuality I guess she never told jace that but the fact that I know it and I understand the pressure that was put on women in medieval times to pop out as many brats as they could before it inevitably killed them ITS MAKING ME SO MAD ON HER BEHALF like she had to have kids, she was the heir to the throne and needed to have an heir herself so the line didn’t die with her. But also Harwin was a smash tbh he was attractive but he was also just a genuinely good dude

VHAGARRRR I missed her ALL EPISODE LONG and she just now showed up!! I love her, her turkey gobble looking neck is so cute I just want to give her so many kisses !! Also I love how the dragons just sleep all the time LIKE WHEN AEMOND WAS ON VHAGAR WAITING TO GO FIGHT MELEYS she was just Resting ™️ ugh I love and the last scene of episode 7 was so cool, I’m not a nyra fan but the shot of the dragons behind her gave me chills!! This does make me worry about vhagar and aemond though 😣 please be okay pls pls pls

I DID THE SAME WITH MY MOM I WAS LIKE 👉🏻👈🏻 I have a favorite… and she saw him and was like 🤨 yeah I figured 🤨 he looks like a menace SKSKS

[tera-91]

Wild month ...

I cant believe I went all spooky season without posting.

Well I wrote something and left my computer for a few hours and I don’t know what happened but all that I wrote that morning was just gone.

No, like a silly person I did not save before I left but there was another word doc I had open too that I hadn’t saved but that one was recovered …

Anyway it wasn’t too informative other than I was nervous about what might happened when my manager came back from leave. Honestly it was almost too accurate…

I walked in and my hands almost immediately started to shake with barely a good morning. It took less than an hour for this manager to get grumpy about something that was going on I don’t remember what it was. I could tell the schedule was going to be an issue since this manager kept checking out the next schedule the other manager put out throughout the day. To my *not* shock this manager asked why I wasn’t scheduled outside my availability as far as working in the evening. Not that this manager cared that I was scheduled EVERY day I usually have off or that I had two days off that I typically work due to a thing my sibling and I are going to. Oh no that was not a concern but the fact that I was not scheduled to work the late shift.

The whole time this manager has been gone Ive been putting in job applications either to get a second job or to just have a back up plan if I reach my breaking point again.

Part of me has considered to just quit … again. Once I get into the program I want to at school if the last years schedule is going to be similar to this new year coming up I would be in class the majority of the day 3 days a week. I already work, typically 4 days a week.

The way the schedule currently is, I’m not completely sure how to write it out. So I would have class on at least 2 days I’m typically off of work. I usually work on a day I would have to have class and there’s no switching that class day around so the only way for me to keep the number of hours is for me to work on the third day I typically have off or for me to work a few hours on probably at least 2 of the days that I have class without going beyond the time of day I can work.

Basically I just wouldn’t have a day off between the two at all or if I worked on a day or two I would have class I might have one day a week free. That’s like 50 hours a week just in work and class not including any kind of homework. I think its recommended you spend 2 or 3 hours per credit hour between homework and studying. That’s another like 18 to 30 hours. So that inflates my week to nearly 70 or 80 hours. I know some people do that routinely but still.

I have a difficult enough time just making sure I get assignments in on time and making time to study since I work the day before exams as it is.

I know that is a while away so I don’t think too much about it other than I need to find something else before that happens. Hell with the way the manager made me feel on day 1 of us working together after their return Im like I need to put a heavy foot on the grind to get my side projects done. Just need to get something to the point that I would feel comfortable to not work. The second day wasn’t much better. Getting all huffy and puffy because I am not an octopus and cant do 3 things at the same time. Without going into too much detail I was working on an immediate two part issue that would take less than 2 minutes to resolve since at the time I was already half way done when this manager said no that I was to do something else now. This thing *couldn’t* wait even though there was not an immediate issue with it other than I guess this manager was afraid they were going to inadvertently throw it out since they were going around the place throwing stuff out. I swear this individual asks questions with little to no context but doesn’t give me enough time to even register what they are referring to. That or they want something done and I just got to the point of absolutely not. I mean I think I was asked to do two or three things last shift that the manager ended up asking my coworker to do since I still doing what was previously asked on me. I’m not slow at my job but also when we have so many interruptions and tasks randomly asked of us not immediate to what we are doing. I almost said to just write me a list of the items you want me to complete in the next idk how long was left in the shift but I would get them all done.

Anyway, due to this manager’s task allocations (which in my opinion they give themselves too much busy work or whatever that makes things harder for them that they give out tasks they could more aptly complete) the next shift is more than likely going to start “behind the ball.” Which means I’m going to have to clean it up on my next shift.

This manager is back and with less than a handful of shifts working with this individual I’m back to being a jittery mess. I don’t want to go to work knowing they will be there. I’m practically holding my breath every time they speak. Watching every word I say, I try to joke to make light of the stressful environment, but it just gets thrown back at me. Or waiting to see if im going to be on the end of a conversation that feels like an interrogation. Wondering if they will go off about something. Say something that makes me feel dumb (I’m a bit dyslexic especially with numbers and I haven’t been diagnosed officially but my sibling says I have adhd so I do know I make little mistakes here and there but not anything that someone else doesn’t sometimes do as well). FFS Im up at 4am writing this because I cant sleep and ive been up for over an hour, maybe 2 at this point already. It’s fine since I have the day off as im writing this but still. How many more nights will I sleep maybe 4 or 5 hours before waking up unable to fall back asleep.

I hate to sound like a broken record. Mostly because I tell myself that I will do these things and then procrastinate and not do them. I’m going to do my best to hold myself to it. The only thing I think I can do is, well hopefully not burn out while doing it, but to spend as much time as possible on my side projects. Something. Maybe on my days that I work its just an hour but on the days im off its at least 3 to 5 hours. Spend time writing and editing and recording. Like the days that Im off that I have the mental capacity to it ill write, record and do the creative editing, while on the days that I work ill do the things that are a little less mentally draining like just the audio scrubbing.

[vivisols]

YA!!!! i applaud everyone who's even just attempted to port a game over xD

IT REALLY IS!!!!! AND YOURE SO RIGHT!!!! even when theyre going for a more silly character design approach they still are able to deliver some really strong emotional beats if they need to and its incredible!!! i always feel a bit giddy inside whenever i see a new sprite for a character... theres just a sense of "MUST ABSORB NEW POSE AND EXPRESSION NOW" that i feel xD

AND YA!!! phoenix you sopping wet cat of a man.... he's only in his 30s in the Apollo games but like... somehow he only got even more sopping wet and pathetic X3

AJHDASDAJSJASHDASD REAL!!! i dont even remember what my first exposure to it was.... honestly i think its been nearly 10 years (if not OVER 10) since i first got into ace attorney so its a little hazy lolz x3! i think i saw the first game at the library and it sparked my curiosity... tho im not 100% sure on that one tbh xDDD

i respect the dedication! many many MANY kudos to you x3!!! im a very "get to the final draft of each frame before continuing" type of person so like. 70% of what I end up with is just half-finished animatics with a few frames that have a ton of detail and polish and nothing else... xP definitely not the best Strat but hey! PMVs have always been more of my thing to make tbh even if this isn't an ideal Strat for AMVs OR PMVs... im trying to break the habit and at least do simple sketches for all the frames first but man it is HARD since I just wanna get the coolest ideas out before anything else! what else can i say xD

AAJSDHASDHF THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! after my laptop keyboard decided to fritz on me (if you remember that saga xD) i had to take a break from it when I was in the middle of learning how to use blender... and now im trying my best to make up for lost time xD

and aaaa sculpting with clay!!! I love using clay!!! I dont get to use it much these days but id kill to be able to sculpt clay things again lol

YA TEHYRE SUPER SILLY!!!!!!!! (and hey if you ever do remember that lore feel free to share hehehehehe id love to hear!!!! :3cc)

YES!!!! I LOVE KINITOPET!!!! AND WOW 3 WHOLE THINGS IN COMMON NO WAY!!!!

Hello Vivian!! I haven’t checked in ages!! Hiii! How are youuuuu? :3

im currently playing the great ace attorney chronicles and i think my life is ruined because im still absolutely devastated over one of the chapters but otherwise im great! hbuuuuu :33333cc

[nat-20s]

8 for jmart?

#8- constantly cheacking their messages for words from the other

what else was I gonna do? here's some classic ol' season 3 pining babey

Hello Martin. This is Jon. I have gotten a new phone after losing my last one, please put in the new number.

It's a simple message. Straightforward, factual, and utilitarian. There is no reason that pressing send should make his heart race. There's especially no reason that the second he sends it off, he's tempted to lie on the deeply uncomfortable, likely bedbug infested motel mattress staring at his screen until he gets a response. Sure, he's sick of being overseas, and he's sick of being so isolated, and he's sick of running, but he's not...desperate for what little companionship can even be provided by words on a screen.

He does miss Martin, though. He misses Tim as well, but in a manner that's significantly more complex and knotted than the simple desire to be around him.

God, when did he start wanting to just be around Martin? He started being aware of that want when he was at Georgie's, but he has no idea when the want itself actually started. That was probably something he should examine. Technically speaking, that is something that he has time to examine, but he doesn't want to examine right now. Right now, he wants the comfort of perhaps one of the only people out there that doesn't want to kill him, or use him, or both.

Martin, whether through somehow sensing Jon's discontent from nearly 4000 miles away or, more likely, through a general dutifulness inherent to his character, only takes a few minutes to reply. Oh good! it'd been a little bit since hearing from you, we were somewhat worried. putting you in my contacts as we speak :)!

Saying that "we" were worried is almost certainly generous on Martin's part, but Jon feels no need to point that out. Instead he turns on his side and stares at the phone. He particularly focuses on the smiley face, ridiculously charmed by the fact that, despite everything, Martin hasn't lost his predilection for emojis. Two years ago, he would've rolled his eyes, maybe thought something snide about professionalism. It wouldn't have been fair, as Tim used to do the same thing and he thought nothing of it, but he wasn't fair back then. Now, he simply wonders if he can get away with sending one back.

Before he can respond, Martin sends another message. Are you actually alright? I realized I was kind of assuming that losing your phone was the only reason you were MIA, but is anything else going on?

Damn. He tends to forget how perceptive Martin can be. What, exactly, Martin had perceived in that first message, Jon couldn't be sure, but apparently there was something that tipped him off to the..eventful last week he'd had. He really, really doesn't feel like getting into all of that right now, especially not over text, so instead he replies a mostly truthful I'm fine.

Then, squinting at the screen and realizing that might come across as a dismissal, he adds, Well, other than trying not to contemplate the general sanitation practices of a motel that clearly hasn't updated it's decor since the 70s. I'm suspecting the sheets are much the same.

He doesn't know how Martin will react to the message. He can't see the face he'll make, won't know the tone of his voice. However, he likes to imagine that Martin will at least smile. Maybe he'll even give that breath of a laugh, the one that sometimes happens when Jon's being lightly acerbic and it's not directed at him. He doesn't know, but he does hope for it. Martin texts back Oof. Maybe sleep on top of the covers tonight, yeah?, and Jon thinks that he might have guessed Martin's reaction correctly.

Christ, who knew all it took was a combination of jetlag and threats to turn him into a sap. He needs to sleep. He really needs a deep, proper, uninterrupted sleep, one lasting a minimum of eight hours and ideally closer to fifteen. Checking the time, it would be a fairly reasonable time to sleep, especially with the early start he has tomorrow. He considers sending off a quick good night message, but then has the realization that as reasonable as it is for him to be asleep right now, it's just as unreasonable for Martin to be awake. Are you alright? Good lord, Martin, it's almost 4am over there. Did I wake you?

Barely 30 seconds pass before he gets back no, you're good!

A beat, then a follow up message. I've had a irregular sleep schedule since I was like 16. A lot of evening and night shifts had a lasting impact u know? Working at the institute made it a bit more consistent but it's still p rare that i sleep the same eight hours night to night.

Jon's starts to text back something sympathetic; he's had his own struggles with both in- and hyper- somnia, but his phone buzzes in his hand before he can finish it.

Sorry! That was uh probably more information than you wanted.

Well, that just won't do. Even if there wasn't a part of his brain that had recently started collecting facts about Martin like they were precious jewels instead of mostly mundane stories, he doesn't want Martin to think he can't talk to him about things outside of the standard bounds of coworkers. Not at all. We're friends, Martin, I enjoy learning about you.

His brain wants to catastrophize the second he presses send. For the first minute that Martin doesn't reply, he doesn't let it. After the second minute, he allows the minor worry to become more severe. Had it been too much? Were they friends? Jon certainly thought so, but what if Martin wasn't in the same boat? Their interactions had been entirely friendly for months now, but what if that was just Martin being polite? God, what if Martin still thought of Jon as his boss, nothing more?

Ten minutes. It takes ten minutes for Martin to finally respond, and Jon has almost called him four times to explain himself. Ten minutes, and the first response is only Oh!

Then: Cool

Well, that's not a "piss off and die", but it's not exactly comforting. Jon doesn't know how to reply, staring at the words on his screen and not entirely sure if he's fucked up or not. Fortunately, Martin's not done responding, and the next message is much, much better.

Hey uh. Feel free to say no I know it's getting late over there but. Im not getting back to sleep for the rest of the day and itd be nice to actually hear you. Would you be okay with a call?

Without a moment's hesitation, he texts back Yes!, exclamation and all, because he's become someone he barely recognizes. The phone rings just as immediately, and he feels his entire body relax at Martin's first "Hello?"

Things are difficult right now. Things have been difficult ever since the promotion that was a curse in disguise. The world is filled with monsters he barely understands. He wishes he was home despite the fact that he barely recognizes it, as filled with tension and strife as it is. There's so much to discuss, so many things they should be hammering out. But right now, the threats are not pressing. Right now, he can hear about the bad true crime documentary Martin half-watched before he got Jon's texts, and Jon can bitch about the three different "pip pip cheerio" comments he's gotten since coming over seas. Right now, and for the hour before Jon drifts off, breathing slow and deep, he can pretend that this is an ordinary phone call, in an ordinary world, between two people who simply miss each other an extraordinary amount.

[threeletterslife]

04 | Legends of Darlaria

⨰ summary: You wake up amidst a war with no recollection of your past. Faced with suspicion and distrust, you struggle to assimilate into a foreign nation—otherwise known as your home. But on your enlightening journey to search for your identity, you come face to face with the General of the Army.

⨰ pairing/rating: yoongi x reader & jungkook x reader | PG-15

⨰ genre: 70% angst, 30% fluff | war!au & magic!au

⨰ warnings: profanity, minor injuries, mentions of blood

⨰ wordcount: 7.0k

⨰ join the taglist! (pm/send in an ask/reply/reblog)

⨰ a/n: thank you so much @the-berry-named-ari for beta-reading!! <3

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⧖⧗Circa Citrine⧗⧖

There was a vote.

“How can she be a part of our inner circle when she hasn’t connected with her element yet??”

“We have never heard of her until three months ago and we’re willing to put our heart and souls into trusting her?”

“But she’s crucial to our battle plans, is she not?”

“The Lieutenant’s right. If it weren’t for her, we’d still be losing the war. It’s thanks to her that we’ve all been able to relax a little.”

“The Darlaeans attacked from the north in the third sector battle. She was right. We won again. I say we trust her.”

And now, you have officially given up your healer duties to become a full-time officer. The vote was close—eight nos and eight yeses. The General had been the last to decide. And his decision is what keeps you on the team.

“Congratulations,” he tells you. “You’ve made it.”

You remember being so happy that you’d nearly lost your balance. The General just watches you carefully, hands behind his back and shoulders slouched. “Thank you! Oh, thank you so much!”

“There’s no reason to thank me,” he says. As if he wasn’t the person who’d voted in your favor. “But I do expect you to work harder than ever. Now that you’ve been relieved from your healing duties, you’ll be expected to plan most of our battles—if not, all.”

“Yes, sir! I’ll do my best, sir!”

The corners of his lips twitch upward. “I’ve sent the Lieutenant off to Elu along with Captain Im to study monocode. We intend on cracking the code that you’ve brought to our attention.”

Oh. Your heart sinks. Should you tell him? Sever, sever, sever… The word begins to echo in your head again. Get out! you yell at it. There’s something that has been nagging at you ever since your first officer meeting. Something that is unexplainable; something that might not even be worth saying out loud. But the General looks at you expectantly, and you suddenly feel the pressure to say something. “Sir? I… I think the code might shift soon.”

His eyebrows raise. “Oh?”

“It’s a gut feeling, really,” you say sheepishly. “I’m sure I’m wrong. But the code seems like a message. And if it is a message, I’m sure there will be more words involved.”

“But a message to whom?”

“I’m asking myself the same question, sir.”

The General lets out a deep breath. “Well, then. We can never be too vigilant. Soon, we’ll know monocode and we’ll be able to confirm the cipher. We can worry about the possibility of a code shift later. Do you need more matches?”

The last part is so sudden that you have to pause for a moment to contemplate whether you’d heard him correctly. “More matches, sir?” You look down at your boots, feeling a little shameful. You go through an embarrassing number of them every day just to keep yourself warm. It’s another problem to have enough visible light to write at night. “I’d hate to diminish the match supply…”

“Don’t be dense. Most people here light their own fires.”

Right. Sometimes, you forget that Solarians are connected to the elements. Sometimes, you forget that you were once a fire medium.

“Well, in that case, I’ve run out of matches, sir.”

“That wasn’t so hard to admit, was it?” the General says. But the way he says it almost makes it sound like he’s teasing you. The stoic look on his face says otherwise, however.

“I suppose it wasn’t.”

There’s a moment of silence while the two of you stare into each other’s eyes. For some reason, you can’t quite look away. In that time, you notice that there are slight creases above his sharp-shaped eyes, the soft lines running along the top of his eyes and halting down at the corner. The blacks of his eyes twinkle with what you discern as curiosity. And you can only hope that he’s trying to figure you out just as you’re trying to figure him out.

Then, the General clears his throat, straightening his shitty posture for a millisecond before slouching again. It interrupts the quiet staring contest and you’re forced to focus on his words. “I’ll see you later in the meeting, Officer,” he says. “Good day.”

“Good day,” you repeat as you watch him walk away.

And just like that, you find a steady rhythm to your new life. With your past obliterated, you work hard to make new memories in the present. Most of these memories are good—you working in the medical tent with Joon, meeting up with Hana when she’s free, talking with some officers who do approve of your involvement. Of course, there are still those who distrust you. Mainly, Captain Chu. But you’re sure he has his stubborn reasons. You hear from Hyojung that he’d tried to convince all the officers to vote against you. It obviously hadn’t worked. And you’re glad some of the officers regard you with warmth.

There are moments when an officer will walk up to you and strike up a pleasant conversation. You come to enjoy their company—especially Major Hyun’s. She’s a kind, older woman who, as an earth medium, is very knowledgeable about the different plants and crops growing in the Alder terrain. She shows you her garden—full of potatoes and yams—and never sends you back to your tent empty-handed. In the next few days, your stomach is full of warm, freshly baked vegetables.

You help Major Hyun plant more pumpkins for Hana’s favorite porridge. And with her special touch, the pumpkins are ready to harvest in just a few days.

“I’d love to be an earth medium someday,” you tell her, eyes twinkling as they glaze over the soft soil and verdant leaves coiling around the healthy crops.

The older woman smiles, her forehead wrinkling as she does so. “Maybe you’ll learn one day. I think you have the right temperament.”

“Really?”

“Of course, Ryu.” She pats your back before she hands you a ripe, roasted pumpkin. You realize she must have cooked it with her own fire wielding. “Share this with your friend, why don’t you?”

You take the still-warm pumpkin in your hands, already thinking of how happy Hana will be to see it. “I will. Thank you, Major.”

Hana is absolutely thrilled with the pumpkin, and she grasps your shoulders in gratitude. “Y/N! They rarely give out whole pumpkins! You are a lifesaver! You know the one food that’s almost as good as bread?”

“Pumpkin?” You take a wild guess.

“Yes! How did you know? Never mind that.” She pats your shoulder and leans back, grinning. “Look at you, in your new uniform! Red’s definitely your color, Y/N. And those two notches…” Her eyes sparkle as she gazes at the neck of your uniform. “You’re not going to make me bow in your presence now, are you?” She gasps. “Should I start calling you Officer?”

“Hana!” you laugh. “I swear, nothing’s changed. They’ve just given me new clothes, that’s all.”

“But you’re a part of the officer meetings now,” Hana sings. “How incredible is that?” She takes the pumpkin from you and twirls and twirls around with it in her hands. “Just imagine. Being in the same tent as some of the best fighters in all of Solaria! The General, the Lieutenant… Major Ki and Captain Chu! Ugh, the best duo. You should see them in battle, Y/N. Sometimes, I forget that I’m on the battlefield when I watch them fight.”

“Hana!” you gasp. “That could cost you your life!”

“Oh, no,” she says, shaking her head with a grin on her face. “But Major Ki would save me. She saves everyone. She swoops in like the spirits and obliterates anyone who tries to hurt her soldiers. Oh, to be saved by Major Ki!”

She seems so shy in the meetings, barely able to meet people’s gazes. But you refuse to burst Hana’s bubble. “They wouldn’t put her in charge of the third sector for no reason,” you say instead.

“Of course they wouldn’t! She’s an amazing leader, Y/N. And she’s soft-spoken,” Hana squeals. “But that makes her even more admirable! Kind of like the General. They can whisper, but the whole crowd will freeze just to listen to them. Anyways, have you seen her rings?”

More like have you heard her rings. They’re always clinking during the meetings; Major Ki has quite the habit of fidgeting her hands when she’s nervous or deep in thought.

“They’re pretty,” you say. “But I noticed that she changes them out every day.” On the days that the officer meetings go on for hours, you busy yourself by counting the Major’s rings. “She must have an extensive collection.”

Hana snorts. “Oh, Y/N. She changes her rings every day because she dispenses them every day.” When you cock your head in confusion, Hana continues on. “We call her the Flare Shot,” she says in a dramatic voice. “Major Ki’s lethal in battle. They say she can take out ten Darlaeans with one swipe of her hand. You know how she does this?”

You thought it was a rhetorical question, but when Hana looks at you expectantly, waiting for your answer, you realize you have to speak. So you make a weak guess. “Um… Magic?”

Hana grins. “It sure looks like magic. I’ve seen her do this, Y/N. It’s crazy. She’ll just throw out her hand and her rings will shoot out from her fingers. But they’re heated to severe temperatures, of course. They can pierce through the skin, several organs—”

“That’s terrifying!” you say. You can’t imagine being on that receiving end.

“It is,” Hana says dreamily. “I wish I could do a cool move like that. Have a name called the Flare Shot. Have I mentioned her boyfriend?”

How could you forget Captain Chu? The man who still distrusts you. You’re beginning to think that he’ll never warm up to you.

“They’re the iconic duo! Did you know they met in Ara? That’s where Major Ki’s originally from, and even then, she never liked her connection with water. So one day she severed it and never looked back. But Captain Chu’s first element was fire. A rare fire medium in such a water-loving environment. Apparently, he had a huge crush on our major ever since they were little. Isn’t it so romantic? He followed her to war! And now he’s her second-in-command!”

You cannot imagine Captain Chu devoting his life to a singular person and in the name of love. “They seem happy together,” is what you manage to say. “Captain follows all of her orders.”

“He knows to trust her,” Hana says. “We all know to trust her. She’s… Well, if anything happens to, you know, her superiors, we all know she’ll be the one to step up. We don’t like to say it out loud, but we all know it.”

“Right…”

The mood is suddenly glum.

Sensing a shift in the atmosphere, Hana quickly changes the topic. “Anyways! You have to tell me about the other officers soon. I’m a huge fan of Captain Im. She’s a young prodigy from Elu—studied twenty different subjects and wrote four books herself! So if you can even get her autograph—” She places a dramatic hand on her forehead. “I would love you forever!” She twirls around, the pumpkin wrapped tightly in her arms. “I’m going to have to leave for training, but I’ll see you later!”

In one single swoop, Hana gives you a ninety-degree bow. “My warmest regards, Officer,” she says in the most serious voice she can muster up given her enthusiasm about the pumpkin. She’s teasing you, and it makes you smile.

“I’ll see you later,” you mumble, watching Hana prance off to her designated training area, ready to be coached by her idols—Major Ki and Captain Chu. You have no idea where she’ll keep that pumpkin though. Maybe you should’ve offered to hold onto it in the meantime.

Either way, something about Hana is painstakingly familiar to you. You can’t let go of the strong shock that had washed over your body the last time she’d grasped your hands. Every time she talks to you, every time she looks your way and throws you one of her fantastic grins, you can’t help but feel a pang in your heart. She feels so familiar. Yet, at the same time, so out of reach.

You try to shake the thoughts away. You’re being desperate again. Hana’s a good friend, and if she’s like someone you knew from your past, so be it. This shouldn’t keep you awake at night. It’d be silly.

But you still can’t sleep.

The days drone on, and with your title as Officer Ryu, you’re not obligated to spend your days in the medical tent anymore—which is fine by you, but sometimes, you like to help alleviate some of Joon’s workload.

“Welcome back, Officer!”

Namjoon always greets you with open arms. And then he pats your back and gives you a fresh load of work to do.

You spend most of your mornings taking care of soldiers, washing bloody rags, replacing bandages and often glancing at the entrance of the tent. Who you’re waiting for, you’re not quite sure. But every time a soldier stumbles in—someone you’re not quite expecting—you feel yourself deflate.

“You know, you don’t have to work here anymore.”

You nearly spill the bucket of water you’d been carrying. “General!” Why and how does this man always manage to creep up behind you when you least expect it?

The General raises his eyebrows. “Yes?”

“It’s just that I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“That’s funny,” he says, drawing out each word. “Because I didn’t think you’d be here, either.”

“Well, I figured I’d make use of my time,” you say, holding up the soiled water bucket to show him proof of your hard work. “But sir, why are you here?”

He gestures at his leg as if to show you salient evidence. “I’m injured.”

He’s right. There’s a shallow gash on his upper thigh where his uniform is cut, revealing an unkind mixture of ruptured skin and scarlet blood. You wince at the vivid image.

But it’s strange. Can’t the General heal himself? You’ve heard that he’s skilled enough to become a healer; in fact, you’ve seen him working in the medical tent—respected by others not only because he’s the General of the Army but also because he’s a masterful medic.

So why is he here?”

He stares at you, black eyes flitting down to the two notches on your uniform before staring back into your eyes again. “Well? Are you going to direct me to a healer or are you insisting that you can heal me by yourself?”

“I’m just a little confused, sir. You’re a talented healer, so I thought…” you trail off, wondering if you’re sounding insolent in the General’s presence. Just because he can heal doesn’t mean he has the energy to do so—especially straight out of a battle. You realize your mistake, cheeks heating up in embarrassment.

But the General makes no indication that you’ve offended him with your audacity. Instead, he looks you straight in the eyes and says: “Well, then. I suppose this was all an excuse to speak to you.”

Speak to you? Your eyes widen. “Sir?”

“It’s nothing groundbreaking. Just a small message from Doyun.”

Oh. He went through quite an excuse to relay it. Contrary to your thoughts: “Really? Is she coming back soon?”

“She wants you to know that she thinks ill of me for sending her to Elu instead of Major Hyun or maybe even you,” the General says. “Says learning monocode is not fun, especially next to a prodigy like Captain Im. Of course, she knew that the message would have to go through me before you got it, but I suppose that didn’t really stop her from changing her words.”

You smile. Of course Doyun would do this. “Thank you for the message, sir.”

“She also wants you to water her pansies.”

“Of course.” A pause. “Is that all?”

A pause on his end. “Yes.”

You and the General stare at each other for a bit longer before he begins to step backward—with a slight limp. It looks a lot like the conversation is over. But… “Do you still want me to call for a healer?” you ask, gesturing towards his injured leg.

“I’m fine,” he calls, already halfway out of the tent. “I think I’ll live.”

He’s gone before you can protest. Another encounter with the General that deep down inside, you wish that could’ve lasted longer. Why does he always leave like that?

It’s a stupid question, you realize. Of course he’s going to leave. He’s a busy man. Why would he waste his time talking to you? And why would you waste your time thinking that he wouldn’t want to waste his time? Sometimes, you wish your mind could stop working—maybe even for a split second. Why do you overthink so much?

But it’s then when you realize you’re overthinking overthinking. And soon, you begin to overthink overthinking overthinking. Really, the treacherous cycle never ends.

As a week passes, you busy yourself with activities outside the medical tent. Like watering Doyun’s pansies, then decorating your own tent with wildflowers from around the campground (your tent now feels cozy and a lot like home) and even spending time getting to know your officers.

Captain Yoo of the third sector has water clock duty every so often—a duty that most officers and soldiers like to shy away from. But Captain Yoo is diligent and dutiful. You like to watch him use his water wielding to scrub the clock clean and check if the mechanisms are working smoothly. Most times, the two of you keep each other company in silence. Other times, he’ll initiate some small talk that begins to dwindle down after a few minutes. You like that he doesn’t have much to say.

Today, though, you feel comfortable enough to share what’s been on your mind for a while now. “Captain Yoo?” you say.

“Yes, Officer Ryu?” he asks, barely looking up from the towering water clock.

“Does Captain Chu take a long while to warm up to people?”

“No, I suppose not.”

Your heart sinks. “In that case, I think he hates me.”

At that, Captain Yoo finally looks up. He’s smiling, whisker dimples spreading across his cheeks. “Does that bother you, Officer?”

Why wouldn’t it? “Yes, it does. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him his ears are stuffed with bullshit. I definitely went too far… And if he does hate me, I want to change that.”

To your surprise, Captain Yoo begins to laugh. It’s the first time you’ve heard him laugh, and it’s a little disconcerting to know that he’s laughing at nothing particularly funny.

“Officer, you don’t always need everyone to like you,” he finally says. “You don’t need to be liked to be followed. You just have to be right,” he says. “We’re not friends. We’re officers in a war. It’d be in our benefit to work together, but we definitely don’t have to like each other—much less be friends.”

You’re stunned into silence.

What a peculiar perspective.

So all this time that you’ve been keeping him company didn’t really mean anything to him. You thought you were befriending him. He thought you were wasting your time.

Sensing a change in the atmosphere, Captain Yoo speaks again. This time, in a much light-hearted voice. Even he seems to have some decency to be considerate of feelings. “I don’t get along with Captain Chang, nor do I get along with Major Lee. I might even call them imbeciles, which I have done in the past—even to their faces! But do I think they’re a complete waste of space? No, I do not. You see, young officer, we have our preferences. All 17 officers—now 18—cannot possibly all get along. What matters is that we can look past these differences and work together in times of crisis.” The older man turns to you. “So don’t let Captain Chu’s dislike for you impede your judgments, Officer Ryu.”

What he’s saying makes sense. He might even think that he’s right. But how do you stomach the fact that someone doesn’t like you? Especially when you have to see them every so often in highly formal meetings?

“I understand,” you say quietly. It isn’t a complete lie; you may understand Captain Yoo, but you don’t necessarily agree with him.

“Good. I knew you were a bright one.”

“I just have one more question, Captain.”

“Yes?” He looks amused, revealing the whiskered indents on his cheeks.

“Do you like the General?”

Captain Yoo pauses momentarily. Then, he speaks, his eyes staring off into the coniferous forest, refusing to meet yours. “I know you’re fond of him.”

“I respect him,” you correct him.

“You respect him as well,” Captain Yoo says. “He’s shown you kindness and mercy. Of course you like him.”

“But my question, Captain.”

Captain Yoo sighs. “Truth be told, Officer, no. I don’t like the General. Nor do I like the Lieutenant. They are passive people. Our meetings are not led by two leaders. They’re led by the opinions of 18 officers, and some of these opinions are awfully invalid. We need firm leaders in Solaria, Officer Ryu. Leaders who tell us what’s right and what’s wrong—leaders who lead. A man who crouches down to listen to the opinions of a tiny speck of dust can get us into a lot of trouble. Not to mention, waste our precious time. But what can I do? I’m just a captain and he’s the General of the Army. Born with a silver spoon in his mouth.”

It’s then when you realize that you’re the tiny speck of dust that he’s talking about. And it dawns on you: he doesn’t like you either.

Your skin suddenly feels cold. You begin to chew on your lip.

When Captain Yoo notices that you haven’t responded to his words, he assumes the conversation is over. “Thank you for keeping me company again,” he says. “We had a nice talk, Officer. If you don’t mind now, I’ll see you in the next meeting.”

You let him leave in silence.

Doyun had told you that Captain Yoo had voted in your favor. Now, you realize it wasn’t because he liked your character or because he wanted the two of you to become friends. It was because he found you convenient. Because it’d be better to work together than to fall apart with disagreements.

We’re not friends.

Maybe he’s a lost cause.

Or maybe, maybe you can sway him. Somehow.

⧖⧗Circa Zircon⧗⧖

“How can someone be so right but so wrong?” Captain Chu’s the first to speak after the Lieutenant and Captain Im deliver the news. He glances at you, a tight sneer on his lips.

“I apologize,” Major Hyun says. “I was the one who misread the letter. I’d like to take the blame.”

You don’t know what to feel. On one hand, you’re glad, but on the other hand… “It doesn’t make sense,” you say, pointing at the battle plans spread before you and Captain Im’s meticulous monocode notes. “How can the code be ‘jewel?’”

Sever had made so much sense. Sever had spoken to you. You were so sure…

“You were wrong.”

You look up to see Captain Yoo staring straight at you. “But your theory about the code shift is correct,” he says. “Our best course of action might be to piece together these new sequences and figure out what they say.”

“They’re sadistic!” Captain Chang shouts, crossing his arms over his chest. “They’re dangling it in front of our faces. Jewel,” he scoffs. “What if this is all just a game to them?”

“Then we’ll play the game,” Major Ki says.

“That’s fucking stupid,” Captain Chang says.

“Those are grand words coming out of your mouth,” Captain Chu retaliates. He turns to his major. “How are we going to play their game?” he asks with a new sense of awe.

Major Ki hums, her rings clacking as she fidgets with her hands. “We figure out their codes. In the meantime, we’ll win all of the battles.” She looks to the General as if to ask for his permission.

But the General is frowning, staring down at the monocode notes and the battle plans, lost in his own world. There is silence as others wait for him to speak. Finally, the man sighs and he stares Major Ki right into her eyes. She fidgets before looking away. “Yes, we must play their game…” the General says slowly, but decisively. “But we cannot win all of the battles.”

“Why not?” Major Lee says. “The Darlaeans have been winning a majority of the battles up until a couple of months ago.”

“Yes, it’s time to give them a taste of their own medicine!” Major Jang declares.

“They’ll know we’re onto them,” Captain Im answers for the General. “We have to proceed as if we haven’t figured out their little game. That’s how we’ll be playing it.”

“Exactly,” the General says, nodding. He has frown lines etched onto his forehead as his eyes bore into the scrolls displayed on the table. “The code shift, however… If we must play the game, we should understand it. But I can’t wrap my head around this.” His eyes meet yours as he says this, almost as if to wordlessly ask if you have any idea what’s going on. But you don’t. You’re just as puzzled as everyone else in the tent.

“They can’t possibly go from ‘jewel’ to ‘usurp,’” Major Ahn says, thoughtfully rubbing his stubble. “‘Sever’ would have made more sense than that.”

“What could they possibly mean by ‘usurp?’” Major Hyun mutters.

“Obviously they want to take the Solarian throne,” Captain Chu says. “But I’m failing to understand what ‘jewel’ has to do with that.”

“They’ll be taking our throne using their jewels,” Captain Im says. “But that’s just a theory. I think we should wait for the other codes in order to make a more accurate assumption.”

“This still doesn’t explain why they’re doing this in the first place,” Major Ki says. “Why risk us figuring out the code? Why make a code at all?”

To send a message, you think. But to whom? And why? Why now? Why not ever before? You’re unsure of how to explain your answer so you stay silent. But you can feel someone staring at you. When you look up, the General quickly looks away.

Your palms begin to sweat. Why was he looking at you? Is he going to pull you aside and scold you for keeping silent? But so many other officers in the tent are quiet during these meetings—some, you’ve never heard them talk. It wouldn’t make sense for him to single you out. Especially when you don’t know what’s going on, either.

“Your questions will be answered with time,” the General finally speaks when no one else dares to answer. “For now, we’ll alternate winning and losing battles.” There it is again. You can feel his eyes on you.

“So you’re asking us to sacrifice our soldiers?” Major Ki says.

“You act as if you haven’t been doing that,” Major Lee says.

“I didn’t have a choice then,” Major Ki bites back. “I have a choice now. We can easily seize victory, so why would I willingly hurt my soldiers when there’s another way?”

“It’s for the better, Major,” Lieutenant Kang speaks up. She has a kind look on her face as if in an attempt to soothe her. “If the Darlaeans catch on that we’ve caught on, the result will be a thousand times worse. But if we’re smart about this, if we win the bigger battles while losing some of the minor ones, it won’t be as suspicious.”

“This is war, Suhyun.” Major Hyun places a calloused hand on Major Ki’s shoulder. “We must make the necessary sacrifices to win.”

Major Ki seems to deflate a little. At the same time, the tension that had seized her soldiers dissipates. Then, she puts her hand on top of Major Hyun’s. She nods solemnly. “I suppose it is war.” She stares at the table, eyes glued to the battle plans that you’d hand-drawn. For a split second, her gaze flits towards yours. But she looks away before you can even register that your eyes have met. “My only condition is that we don’t let devastating losses happen. No more massacres.”

“A rightful condition,” the General says. “I agree. This will be a new experience for all of us. We’re not used to tracking the Darlaean’s every move and planning our movements accordingly.” He glances at you. “But this strategy has proven to work. If we continue this for a little while longer, we’ll win.”

“We’ll claim victory!” Captain Chang shouts. “We’ll make sure of it.”

The officers all mumble in agreement. And there, that’s when you see what Captain Yoo had so blatantly missed. We’re not friends. But there, right in front of you, you see relieved soldiers, embracing each other, giving each other happy smiles and looks. You hear some of them inviting the others to a round of drinks. You see your lieutenant asking Hyojung and Jeonwoo if they’d like to play a round of cards. You see Major Ki and Captain Chu in each other’s arms. You meet the General’s eyes and though he’s not smiling, his eyes are sparkling with mirth.

Captain Yoo is wrong.

The officers must get along.

It took just a small physical gesture on Major Hyun’s part to convince a stubborn Major Ki. It took a simple gesture of compassion, of understanding.

Because when their soldiers are dying and the war is moving against their favor, then all that they have is each other.

Your eyes meet Captain Yoo’s for a split second, and in that short time frame, you make sure to give him a wide smile. You’re wrong. We wouldn’t have survived this long if we hated each other.

We’ve survived this long because we like each other. Because we’re willing to go down with each other. Because we’re willing to win with each other.

The cold weather seeps into the sector, tinging the grass with frost and tree leaves with blue ice. And though the wintry air makes your cheeks red and teeth chatter, you like standing outside to collect your thoughts. There’s something rather welcoming about the icy breeze and the minty air nipping at your nose.

Your trusty oil lamp sits in front of you, the orange blaze flickering wildly in the harsh winds. You watch the flame, feeling warm in its presence. Tugging your legs closer to your body, you rest your chin on your knees. You’re unable to look away.

It’s so tiny but it lights up the whole vicinity, emitting an amber glow that resonates within you. It’s so beautiful. And it feels so familiar.

You hate this feeling.

Why does everything feel so familiar, and yet you can’t remember anything? Your hands tighten into fists as you stare blankly at the orange flame. There was a time in your life when you could wield fire. There was a time in your life when you could create it from your very own fingertips. If only the feeling weren’t so familiar. Then you wouldn’t miss it at all.

For a second, the flame seems to taunt you. It reaches up into the dark midnight sky, snaking around the cold breeze, hungry to burn, hungry for more. It’s such a little thing. Something that you should be able to understand. Something that you should be able to wield, even given your elusive past.

Your past.

It’s like a punch to the gut. You’re from Elu, right? So what were you before you were a soldier? Or did you come from a family of soldiers and you didn’t have much of a choice when choosing your career? What was it about you from before that only allowed you to be a fire medium? Even when you might have the temperament to wield other elements?

Why do you always have so many questions and no answers?

As if to sympathize with your inner turmoil, a hard gust of air brushes against you, making your hair bellow out with the wind. The flame goes out in a curling cloud of smoke. It’s suddenly dark. And cold.

You shiver, hands shaking as you reach to find a match in the darkness. But the oil lamp flickers on again, and that familiar flame dances against the winter winds. When you look up, you see the shadow of the General himself.

He stands, looking down at you, the flame from the oil lamp illuminating the tip of his soft nose and the pupils of his sharp eyes. “Thinking?” he asks in such a husky, whispered voice that if you hadn’t paid enough attention, you would’ve thought it was just a breeze.

“General!” You scramble up to face him, your vision a little blurry from the quick change of stance. “Yes. Yes, I was just thinking. It’s… I don’t know, sir. Everything’s so new but familiar at the same time. It’s frustrating, I guess. I wonder what my life was like before I was a soldier.”

Quickly, you duck your head. Maybe it’s the cold. Or maybe it’s the intimate lighting and the rather close proximity between you and the General. Something about today makes you want to say what’s exactly on your mind. But you wonder if that was a good choice. Suppose the General doesn’t care about your inquiries? Suppose he just happened to stop by and doesn’t want to start a conversation with you?

The General clears his throat. “I actually came here to apologize,” he says quickly. He looks down at your oil lamp, unable to meet your eyes. “I wanted to apologize that I didn’t do more to make you feel welcome here, in my army. And in Solaria.”

You’re not sure what you were expecting to come out of the General’s mouth, but it definitely wasn’t this. “Oh! Oh, no. You don’t have to apologize, sir. I’m just one soldier in your vast army. You don’t have to babysit me.”

“And you don’t have to stand in my presence,” he says. “You can go back to your thinking.”

You stand your ground. “It wasn’t that I wanted to stand in your presence, sir.” You flinch. That surely came out wrong. “Well, I mean, theoretically, I’d want to stand, but since I know you’re not too fond… I mean”—you take a large, gaping breath—“I stood so I could talk to you face to face. For conversation. Not to give you the salute that you don’t want.”

The corner of his lips twitch. Why must you be so amusing? “Very well.”

Silence.

The crickets chirp idly in the background, the cold breeze rustling the General’s black hair across his forehead and poking at his eyes. You watch as he uses his air wielding to sweep his bangs away. The single movement is so majestic, so intriguing that you can’t possibly look away. In turn, the General watches you. He sees that your shoulders have hunched up from the winter cold, that you’re unknowingly shivering, your cheeks tinged pink and your lips a pale shade of blue. He should keep this short. Before his officer catches a cold.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, trailing off to gauge your reaction.

Sure enough, you’re smiling. “Yes, after all, you do have a brain to do just that.”

He scoffs. “How very original of you.”

“Why thank you, sir.”

“But as I was saying, I was thinking that we could go to the capital sector. It could help jog your memory, and it’ll be nice to see another sector besides Alder.”

A trip to Elu? Your homesector? Your heart skips a beat. This could open so many doors, so many memories that are locked up away in your mind. But wait a minute. We? Who is we? Is he implying that just the two of you go together? Or is he offering to send Doyun or maybe even Captain Im with you? That’s probably it. He’s too busy to escort you around for a field trip. Or is he?

“That’s very kind of you to offer, sir,” you say. “But…”

“...But?”

If we doesn’t mean you and him, you’re going to make an absolute fool out of yourself in front of the General of the Solarian Army.

“But I don’t want to bother you, sir. You must be tired from battle all day. And to take time out of your busy schedule to tour me around Elu…”

“Oh, no, Officer. I insist,” the General says. There’s that mildly amused look on his face again. “You’ll need to see our land’s beauty. A soldier must know Solaria in order to fight for it.”

You smile. “That’s fair. I can’t quite argue with that, sir.”

But it’s still surprising. The General of the Army, insisting that you take a field trip with him. To teach you—a mere soldier—about Solaria. To tour you—a speck of dust—around your homesector.

“Well, isn’t that the first?”

Your head jerks up. There’s this glimmer in the General’s dark eyes as he stares at you. You’re not sure whether the glimmer is from the glow of the lamplight or his interest in your conversation. “What is that supposed to mean, sir?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“It has to mean something,” you grin. “I’m not that argumentative. I think.”

“Self-awareness is quite a pleasant virtue. Something that you can learn from me.”

If you didn’t know the General so well, you’d think he’s insulting you. But you know him well enough to know that he’s teasing.

“Humility is also a virtue, sir.”

At that, the General smiles—he really smiles. It’s the same relaxed, happy smile that you’d seen on his face when he was mildly intoxicated—gums and all. But as quickly as it had appeared on his face, as quickly as it disappears.

The General clears his throat. “Well then, I’ll wake you up at dawn tomorrow, Officer.”

You nod. “Yes, sir!”

His gaze lingers for a moment but then—all too soon—he’s turning away so that the only part you see of him is his backside. His figure casts a shadow on you, but instead of making you feel cold, it makes you feel supported. Cared for.

I wanted to apologize that I didn’t do more to make you feel welcome here.

How could anyone not like the General? Because if no one listens or even cares for the tiny specks of dust in the world, then how will anything progress? You feel supported. It’s because of the General that you’d woken up with nothing and now live with so much more than you’d had before. It’s because of the General that you’ve somehow risen up the ranks. It’s because of the General that you feel so much pride for your nation. It’s because of the General that you’re happy to be his soldier. You’ll fight for him—with him. Anything.

When the wind blows too hard and the flame from the oil lamp extinguishes with a cloud of smoke, you look up. Only to realize that the General had never left. He’s in his usual position, hands behind his back, shoulders hunched. But before you can ask if he needs anything more, he speaks, though facing away from you.

“Tomorrow, you’ll see his majesty, the Solarian King.”

Your eyes widen. “The king???” you gasp. The darkness makes you squint, and you try to make out the General’s figure. How can you, a mere officer, meet the Solarian King with the General of the Army by your side? You’re not even sure if you’re qualified to be in royalty’s presence. You didn’t even know Solaria had a king! No one ever talks about him—not even Hana, which is quite unusual. But you suppose someone has to govern the five sectors of Solaria. It was stupid of you not to realize that sooner.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” the General replies, breaking you from your frenzied thoughts. “But tomorrow, you’ll realize why Solaria is in such dire need to win the war.”

It sounds like a lot to worry about. But you don’t say it out loud. Instead, you answer in solemn silence, and the General seems fine with that. He nods to himself, his black hair rustling in the wind. Then, with a small movement of his fingers, your oil lamp flickers back on.

“Get some sleep,” he says. “The ride to Elu can be tiresome.”

“Yes, sir.” A small pause. “Thank you for making me feel welcome here.”

He lingers. Almost as if he wants to continue the conversation—like a reply is at the tip of his tongue. But then he’s walking away, steady footsteps on the iced grass. You watch him leave. But this time, you know you’ll see him again soon—tomorrow. And the thought is comforting. Holding your oil lamp, you retreat to your tent, snuggling up in your blankets.

You fall asleep with too many thoughts in your head. What does the king look like? Will he like you? Will Elu be exactly as you’d imagined it? Will it help you remember your past? What is the reason that Solaria is in such dire need to win the war?

And why… Out of thousands of soldiers in the army… Why does the General seek you?

⨰ previous | series m.list | next

⨰ a/n: my math professor makes me do yoga ten minutes before every lecture and it's so embarrassing bc you can definitely hear my bones crack-a-lacking 😄 i was not made for this 😟 AND SIDE NOTE??? oc and yoongi gonna get some DRAMA in the next chapter!

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[frogspawned]

i know i shouldn't be surprised, but you know how sometimes in stories there's this amazing wlw relationship that's developing, nuanced and devoted and beautiful, so you get your hopes up, but it turns out the romance is going to be with some mediocre dick? and the incredible relationship you’ve been invested in just fizzles and fades into a footnote in some other happily ever after? anyways i'm extremely bitter.

[werepaladin]

ok youre activating my trap card rn. youre stuck here with me until im done.

that being said. im in no waying saying any of my headcanons are canon. this just how i personally want to write/interpret him, regardless of the text of the games. disclaimer out of the way, lets go.

first off, his deal with his patron. his powers are like, the central part of his character. in my headcanons, he got his powers through undergoing a ritual to steal an aspect of an eldritch entity known as the Black Beast. now like most eldritch horrors, the Black Beast is a nearly infinite creature. It represents darkness & cold, cruel entropy. The Shamblers are Its spawn, an extension of It, but far weaker than their parent.

now, how he got them is less important than the ramifications of doing so. the Black Beast is very hateful towards humans and their ilk, seeing them as less than insects compared to Its power. anyone who wasn't prepared to have the ire of this monstrosity would most likely be taken over/go insane/die, but Alhazred was prepared. the skull and candle is very important in this. not only does he use it as a channel for the magic, but the light of the candle basically represents his life. the light repels the Black Beast, and It can't extinguish it no matter how hard It tries. whilst the candle burns, he lives. this also extends his natural lifespan significantly. i like to think hes in his mid 70s, though he looks more like hes in his 40s.

but that only really protects him physically. the Black Beast resides within his mind now, but Alhazred is adept at building mental walls to keep it from influencing his mind. there are multiple quotes from him that reference it "prowling" in his mind, searching for any kind of weakness.

with that context, this helps explain my other headcanons. as someone who cannot allow any mental weakness, lest a horrific eldritch monster take over his mind, that kind of changes a persons outlook on other people and their relationships with them.

Alhazred is forced into a life thats very lonely. he can't bond with people, at risk that the Beast might try to use it against him. as such, he has a pretty aloof attitude to other people. i wouldn't describe him as outright cruel for the most part, but uncaring or ambivilent is a much better word. to him, its simply the more logical answer to not care. it protects him from the Beast, and it doesn't waste his time.

that being said, he isn't a robot or something. he can still feel emotions and care for other people, but hes making the active choice to avoid or repress them to the point that he wouldn't consider them a problem. either that, or he tries to rationalise why he could bond with someone.

for example, befriending someone big and strong with a shield who's capable of defending him when a fish man is trying to stab him is just a logical choice. if made to choose between Alhazred and someone else to protect, wouldn't they want to protect the person they're more fond of?

that being said, he would much rather just not have to bond with people. i imagine for the most part he'd travel from place to place, trying to gather more occult information where possible. he'd avoid sticking around in one place for very long, or staying with the same people, but its kind of hard to that when the place of great occult significance right below a tiny lil hamlet with like 30 people in it at most.

also hes transgender and used wyrd reconstruction to give himself top surgery. fight me.

one of these days i'll post my alhazred headcanons. maybe.

[kanaayas]

im gonna talk about walten files now hehe

*uhm so i really like sticking to the time periods of thinhs so i try my best to reflect that on my hcs 👍*

ok my hcs:

- so pretty much the bisexual agenda wasnt nearly as prevalent in the 1960s-1970s as it is now and being gay was a HUUUGE taboo at the time (these aren’t hcs these r facts look me up) but anyways jack and felix are hella gay 4 each other but basically they don’t acknowledge it and they wouldn’t ever… and this is like at the beginning of the business

- i dont use punctuation so im making this a separate bullet point but it still goes w the other stuff ,, but jack and felix met at a bar (not a gay bar bc those werent popularized until the 70s and they were rlly secret i think) and they met in their twenties and that would be around 1950s or early 60s

- in the current canon timeline (early 70s) jack is around 47-50 when he goes missing and felix is 45

-jack and felix exchange telephone numbers at said bar and frequently visit each other and become closer and closer

- both are in college, attending the same school but having different majors

- while away at school, jack meets rosemary and they have a brief relationship but nothing serious, they end it off and jack is crushed

-felix comes over when he finds out about the breakup and then ig they do shrooms or sumn to kinda numb the pain and they end up making out but it’s not gay bc they’re high hashtag no homo pride month is over guys

- this is the same sleepover where they come up w the idea for bunny smiles,,, like they don’t remember anything from that night except for the idea of creating a restaurant with creepy ass animatronics

-felix was just cracking a joke while they were high as balls but jack actually really liked the idea and thinks about it and keeps being it up and felix is like “i wasnt actually serious, who would wanna go there anyways 😐” so he keeps bugging felix and eventually talks him into it and bounce around ideas

- anyways time gap bc im inconsistent and it’s midnight n im tired anyways they’re like 30s now but they are at a bar after a long day of planninh n working and they run into rosemary (felix doesn’t really like her bc hes in love w jack but he’s not outwardly rude to her like hes just passive aggressive like she’ll be like “i had a lovely day” and hell be like “yeah i bet you did 🙄”) and jack is HEAD OVER HEELS FOR HER… but long story short rose got pregnant and the father dipped and they go out for a couple months and a while later jack proposes and rose says yes

-the baby is obv sophie btw she doesn’t know jack isnt her bio father bc he raised her like i said the bio father dipped and that’s why she has brown hair instead of black hair like her parents

- jack and felix begin to fall out of their lil bestie friendship and transition towards a more businesslike relationship and felix HATES this bc he’s literally in love w jack

-felix goes to bar alone one night to wallow in his misery and gets hella drunk and meets linda and then they get date and get married but felix uses linda kinda as like a flex (for lack of a better word) to make it look like he’s pulling ladies too when he’s really not happy with her at all but linda really likes him

-anyways felix starts to get stressed as the restaurant idea is making major progress and starts drinking more and linda is NOT HAVING IT she hates it

-the root of felixs alcoholism is bc he’s in love with jack and then linda leaves and he goes wild #emo

-felix feels neglected when he comes to jack for help bc he’s always busy with the kids (edd and molly are babies and sophie is like 6 idk i’m too tired to calculate that)

- anyways felix is gay and jack is bi if we’re talking modern terms like felix definitely definitely liked boys 100% but wasnt like ✨ 💅 fruity like you wouldn’t have known especially since he had a wife

-jack never admitted it but he def had feelings for felix but he ultimately chose rose over him and like i said their friendship faded into more of a business partnership (dick move i know, bracing myself for slander bc felix didn’t deserve that)

im also quite a fan of jackfelixrose but im too lazy to write lore for that and it seems a little too out of canon bc polygamy was HELLA TABOO along w homosexuality,,, uhhhh if anyone sees this lmk if u want to hear more of my dumbass brainrot

ok why did i write a whole fanfiction bye