#natureoflife

[lukaslussi88]

Seefeld Sarnen⁣ ⁣ #sarnen #seefeld #obwalden🇨🇭 #spaziergang #spaziergangimgrünen #naturliebe #naturesfinest #igersnature #natureofinstagram #natureinstagram #natureexplorer #natureperfect #natureswonders #naturewonders #natureloving #natureescape #naturehikes #natureoflife #loveinthemountains #tothemountainswego #loveyourparks #ilovethepark #naturapark #parkflow (hier: Seefeld Sarnen) https://www.instagram.com/p/CI8oN3_DBoa/?igshid=6sgsxu66hlwu

[zmohidin]

Overlooking the mountains

[allicj427]

Neon clouds #natureoflife #photography #clouds #purple #blue #tree #coloradosprings #coloradolife #coloradophotography #colorado (at Colorado Springs, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_1Qc1ulo_Y/?igshid=xnj5vok0bfuk

[bgeigerful]

I'm so fascinated by ants. I love how they work as a team like you do when you're working on a theatrical project could be movie could be a theater project could be a TV show I just love that everybody knows their place and we all work well together. #actors #actorslife #ants #nature #togetherness #teamwork #yes #focused #makingitwork #determination #success #successful #theatre #theater #natureoflife (at Los Angeles, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bmz7h3chPm5/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mrrj8nq8p82q

[impurelilac]

Requiem of a Shattered Flower

Cogito, ergo sum

Can it be more generic than that? I don’t know, although I won’t disagree that for a simple sentence, it carries a lot of meaning. 

Who am I? It would be simple to make an introduction after that. But then we ignore the entire weight of the question itself. 

I’ll try to answer atleast for your sake, as I am the one making the choice to violate the status quo.

To really understand this post, I feel I need to split it into two parts:

Whom am I?

and

Why do I write?

Some context could probably help however. First off I am not a skilled writer, I won’t claim that I am nor pretend to be. That is not to deny however my dream to create something, eventually. However I feel that the topic of creation will need a post for itself and doesn’t really belong here. It is also late in the night where I am, so errors should be expected. Before I also continue, I should warn that this most likely, like probably most of my post will have trigger warnings. I can atleast say that this one will deal with some slight NSFW and depression. However I will do my best to properly catalogue and present them at the start of future posts.

Why does a flower have a soul?

I can’t answer that. I am sorry.

However I can answer some things. I was born in the waning years of the 20th century, the year was 1998. The family I belonged to was upper working class or lower middle class, I am still not really sure where I belong or if I put too much effort in valuing “class”. My upbringing was fairly secure due to this, it was safe and I felt safe. That meant a lot I to my younger self even if I didn’t reflect upon it. My whole life was centered around the small village I grow up in, surrounded by the forests of Småland in southern Sweden.

Well it used to be my whole life, but now I live and study in Uppsala. 6 hours from where I lived most of my life. The understanding of being alone was one of the first things that changed for me. That isn’t to say some good things have come from the move here.

But honestly what have I just said about myself there? I told you about physical events, historical places and maybe some interests of mine But is there anything of worth amongst this text? Probably nothing crucial for now.

What has become my most defining feature of the last few years is the tiny mistake that some doctor made at my birth. Even if I don’t really feel like this, its the easiest way to explain. I never got to chose, like nobody really, to be born a boy. The difference between me and most others is that like some people I started having thoughts about being something that should be impossible. I wanted to be the “opposite” gender.

So there you have it. I am trans. I still feel kinda disgusted by myself saying it out loud, it feels like a cry for sympathy when I feel undeserving of it. But it is part of the reason why I am writing this. I will most likely even have another post eventually dealing with this topic aswell.

Besides having a life filled with self doubt, self loathing and confusion, there are some bright spots. Video Games, the greatest of escapist tools and my friend since childhood have always been there. Literature, the ability to experience a million varying lives, point of views and thoughts in the form paper and alphabet or of less worth in my eyes, that of a television screen. The last major interest I have is in drawing, as a child I loved it and despite being disillusioned, I once more started taking it seriously around 5 - 6 years ago.

Ultimately I suppose I should make a mention of what my interests on an intellectual level are. Primarily its the topics of History and Philosophy. Currently I am studying at the bachelor Historian programme in Uppsala and have for most of my life had an interest in history, but it really started when I got several good grades in it around the age of 15. Enough bragging though.

Philosophy on the other hand like politics are more side interests. I am a socialist humanitarian, I usually like to refer to myself as a communist though. I don’t really fit within the ideas the Cold War held (that I distance myself from) and in a sense I have my own form even though its kinda naive to think like that. 

Equality and Democracy, would be my core pieces of politics however. Ultimately also my hope for humanity to one day break out of this cradle and mature into a civilization that can survive in the boundless void that surrounds us. However that is mostly idealistic stupidity on my part, atleast I think it is but hope is needed.

Discussing equality leads to another part of my situation I need to clarify here and will become a topic for the future. That is the fact that I am a virgin BDSM fetishist and overall rather perverted despite never showing this outwards and generally being around people that kinkshame me. I hate the fact that I am like this, I loathe myself to unhealthy degrees and have a feeling of being impure, aka part of the reason why I choose my username but it is not the only one. My weird orientation for your information is that of a Panromantic Lesbian. Hopefully it makes sense.

As you most likely notice my style of writing has changed. I think it depends on emotion and now my rage at young militant anarchists is bleeding over here. I won’t develop on that now and I don’t object to the anarchist ideology even if I don’t share it but I know all too well a lot of naive and ignorant anarchists that believe everything will be solved through the use of guns. 

The Sin that Broke the Status Quo

As I write this, I am listening to the amazing song called Sins of the Father with Donna Burke. In so many ways it, like always can sum up my emotions. The melodrama that most people will probably find annoying after a few more posts, the longing for a new world and change whilst also reminding of the old. 

Enough of that however. I have now written some about myself. It ended up a mess but I am content with leaving it like that. Now we come to why?

Why do I write here?

To be quite frankly, I want a place to put my emotions in a self perspective without it being a conversation. I want somewhere to share my thoughts and feelings and I hope to atleast eventually know what others think.

A friend of mine with a blog of her own got me to do this. Even though the idea has been there before. Its always hard  bringing myself to write, but I felt a need for this. 

Even if my life have undergone severe upheaval and change in the last month, I remain in a status quo of an unchanging world. My depression varies in severity and for the most part although I have friends and family, I remain alone. 

I dream of creation, of making something that I can call my own. But so far this has never come to fruition. Honestly, what do I expect from this? I have no idea, people will probably not even read it. Regardless of what, i’ll keep the hope atleast that this can give some meaning and help me end the limbo I am suffering from. 

Status Quo, is what I have called this limbo in this text. I hope that me reaching out in this form might be the beginning of breaking that Limbo, but maybe that is hoping too much. I really don’t know how far between these posts will be but I will try to be regular. 

If someone out there actually reads this.

Thanks.

[mjseesphere]

Everyone blends that lead you to follow hence Where were you?

[f3lf3l]

The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change. ~William Arthur Ward #AdventureOfLife #ToLearn #PurposeOfLife #ToGrow #NatureOfLife #ToChange #Beautiful #GrownDelinquent https://www.instagram.com/p/CRU5cPDMbcX/?utm_medium=tumblr

[shopwildcactus]

For my ice cream lovers-and anyone in general- Accepting the here and now fully, riding the waves of eternal uncertainty with joy. This I think is the goal to be truly happy in life. : : : #ramdass #madeinloveforlove #wisdom #spirituality #natureoflife #beauty #nature #love https://www.instagram.com/p/CQUHJrhBbID/?utm_medium=tumblr

[alice-in-wonderland-me]

My wish is that everyone of us for be able to find them... So that everyone will be happier than now❤️ . . . . . . . #love #family #life #lifequotes #lifeofnature #naturephotography #naturelovers #natureoflife #natureoflove #loveyourlife #loveislove #natureislove #hiddenlove https://www.instagram.com/p/CMtrZJ9pRDV/?igshid=1cuoxeab4pek4

[pescina]

#foco #ligth #ligths #studio #natureoflife #iluminati #ilumination #focus #practicals #practicalshooting #texture #didyousee #yaloviste https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ0ILnNDsJe/?igshid=1g35k36m7xxj0

[divinelydeanna]

When I Align with Nature, I come into Balance and find bliss, I lose the directives of time, I see the grandeur of life in line with Nature's grand design. 
The human species has the capacity to #align with #Earth as she awakens to her next octave. #Alignment brings the nature of one being into alignment with the frequency of renewal, the frequency of awareness as she moves through her cycles around the sun, solar system and galaxy elevating into a lighter form. #evidentiaryevolution #comingtobelieve #divinedaily #livdivinely #naturenurture #natureoflife #earthintelligence #alignment #storytelling (at Laguna Beach, California)

[lukaslussi88]

Die Schönheit der Natur 💚💚💚 Wunderschöner kleiner #Wasserfall 💙💙💙⁣ ⁣ The beauty of nature 💚💚💚 A beautiful litte #waterfall 💙💙💙⁣ ⁣

[allicj427]

Nova naps #nature #naturephotography #Nova #natureoflife #dog #pittiesofinstagram #pocketpitbull #cattledogsofinstagram #sweetgirl #servicedog #sharpeisofinstagram #summer #august #2020 #sleepytime #blankie #nappytime #cute #silly #sillydog #coloradomomlife #coloradosprings #colorado #covid19 #quarantinelife (at Colorado Springs, Colorado) https://www.instagram.com/p/CDp9kqHDtdg/?igshid=17pqsui79cpuv

[ibumohd]

The most basic thing that flowers and humans share is life. Flowers and humans both are born, grow, reproduce, and then die.  #Rose #Pink #Love #Caring #Born #Die #Nature #NatureofLife https://www.instagram.com/p/B-MODYPj0ZU/?igshid=13g1mugucx4rv

[jayjayasuriya]

Sad news guys... soon after our impromptu photoshoot, this guy had gotten run over a UPS truck 😢. I had no intention of harming the little thing. I feel so bad... . #poorthing #isitmyfault #bug #beetel #life #creature #animal #nature #wild #ifeelbad #awe #sad #aweman #naturephoto #natureoflife #howlifegoes (at Lady Bird Johnson Wildflower Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/B9XwTUcFRgF/?igshid=1n9qtd9w43ito

[yogesh-tripathi]

“GREEN the color of life, renewal, nature, and ENERGY” #green #natureoflife #royal #bedroomdesign #soulmate #art #love #feelings #interiordesign #3dsmax #vray #vrayrender #photoshop #creativity #concept #yogeshtripathicreativevisualizer #yogeshtripathi❤️ #westdelhi #uvdesigns Hi, Hope you are doing well, This is Yogesh Tripathi Creative Visualizer We designers don't get hired to make pretty things or win design awards, We get hired to solve designing problems. Please follow us at Social Media Instagram https://www.instagram.com/yuvi_tripathi/?hl=en Twitter https://twitter.com/YogeshT60591735 LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/yogesh-tripathi-7b446451/ The Dots the-dots.com/users/yogesh-tripathi-386940 Pinterest https://in.pinterest.com/yogeshtripathi09/ KEEP IN TOUCH Thanks & Regards Yogesh Tripathi Creative Visualizer +91-987112809 (at UV designs) https://www.instagram.com/p/B6S7QELh65t/?igshid=g81hlc92bb3t