#nat club

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

[rinnpop]

[jacobglaser]

EDDIE DIAZ in 9-1-1

[dopescissorscashwagon]

Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole and Dean Martin at the "Friars Club" (1957)

[bisexualnatalies]

YELLOWJACKETS WEEK Day 2: Favourite Character - Natalie Scatorccio (& her under-appreciated headband)

[natashasbitxh]

is this too niche

[krys-kros]

Since my three Yellowjackets ships are either half-dead or getting there, I've been calling Jackie, Nat, and Van the Dead Wives Club

[thatsylveonfurry1225]

random harmless nats headcanons for funsies

- she likes strawberry and cherry - big fan of flavored (chocolate / strawberry) milk, but not regular milk - likes milk chocolate but not much else. (yuri likes dark chocolate) - strawberry shampoo. - probably got called ‘strawberry shortcake’ atleast once. cute pet name, and i think that’s why she hated it. would probably tolerate it from her girlfriend(s) if not outright like it - would play the fuck out of visual novels if she could, especially ones with either an ambiguously gendered protag or a lesbian protag - would also play things like stardew valley or peaceful keep inventory minecraft. would get defensive over how she decorates her houses, though. - the big one. she LIKES cute, she doesn’t really like BEING cute. it feels condescending, and that’s why. but it feels like the only way she’s recognized as a girl is if she’s all pink and cutesy, so she sucks it up and tolerates. kinda sorta not really. - if she lived alone / with her girlfriend(s) she would totally own a cat. which would totally be named minori

[purple--queen]

What is it with marvel always let their characters falling to their dead???

[gr4p3soda]

Mall Suki

[goodhairbadmanners]

If there's not an episode next season where the doctor goes back to the 40s, meets Nat King Cole and the credits role while "Nature Boy" plays then why are we even here??

[natandwandaseries]

I have a headcanon for the series that Natasha has a book club (Like Reese Witherspoon and Oprah) where she sends out a monthly book. This was encouraged by Pepper and Maria for publicity. But they have to call her each month after she submits her choice, because it cannot be Tolstoy every time.

And for seven months, she doesn’t submit Tolstoy once and they can’t believe it. But then they look at the first letter of each title she submitted, and it spells out Tolstoy

(Also, if anyone would be interested, I just thought of trying to compile a list of all the books mentioned in the series to actually have a version of Black Widow’s book club lol)

[kazooku]

If you were a ghost, what would be your summoning ritual?

Fun fact my college campus is actually haunted. If I die here I'm going to fuck with the Paranormal Club so hard.

If anyone mentions Pokémon in the haunted building I will awake like a sleeper agent. Summoned via mention of special interest.

[invisiblerambler]

I don't like that I don't trust other people to not make me emotionally regulate them about my shit but I don't

[mondstalgia]

Just a reminder that if you believe that a BL actor having a relationship in real life means that he betrayed or deceived fans, that's a you problem. Same for them changing up ships. Solely a you problem, no one else's fault. It's fine being a fan and liking fanservice hell I love it myself, but going into that and believing they are actually dating when they are just doing their job, that's on you. BL ships aren't deceiving anyone in their right mind, they are selling a fantasy and that is KNOWN. This is not an industry veiled in mystery. I need certain fans to seriously stop making actors lives a living hell just because they didn't upkeep delusions 24/7.

[jazzdailyblog]

The Timeless Legacy of Nat King Cole: A Jazz Icon

Introduction: Nat King Cole, born one hundred and five years ago today on March 17, 1919, in Montgomery, Alabama, was a trailblazing musician whose impact on jazz and popular music is still felt today. Renowned for his velvety voice, impeccable piano skills, and charismatic stage presence, Cole rose to fame in the 1940s and 1950s, becoming one of the most iconic and beloved figures in music…