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quatschmachen · 8 years ago

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Another update~ April Fools obvs

XXX

It was Monday, thank Mother Meowry. It meant Philipe and Felicia were at school, leaving him looking after only four kids. Calvin had disappeared to do some business dealing, leaving Étienne with the kids. Ed was busy at Work Earning Big Money.

Étienne knew that as the papa of these children the expectation was that looking after them would come naturally like some gift of the universe, but quite honestly the triplets were in the terrible twos and Georgie had just escaped the harness in the middle of the arcade. Usually he did not take his kids to the arcade but Daniel had whined at him in his four-year-old speak about wanting to go, and through will power managed to lead the pack (literally by dragging them on his stubby legs towards the arcade). Étienne, in order to keep his children together, sensibly had them on a long rope and little harnesses. Sure, some parents judged him for the move, but hey, he didn’t see them walking around four little insane kids.

When they entered the arcade, he was relieved that the kids were happy to play the games and he thought he could relax. However… Georgie had managed to Escape somewhere in the arcade.

The triplets were in their terrible twos. Étienne knew he had to quickly wrangle Georgie, yet he was not keen on dragging the kids from the game they were absorbed in… quickly looking around the area, he determined there were no railings for Daniel to get his head stuck in (because Daniel somehow still managed to get stuck in the friggin’ weirdest places), he decided to take a chance.

Like, Calvin can’t criticize what he doesn’t know right? (He was having a burning jealousy over the beta’s natural tact with children - to be honest, he was half wondering if the cruel gods had made a mistake making him the omega; he certainly felt like the worst papa ever to walk the earth, not that he actually ever told anyone this).

Giving the kids another look, he quickly walked towards the direction he suspected Georgie had waddled. Finding his child in a matter of moments (much to his relief) standing in front of the Princess Maker game, he quickly scooped him up under an arm, gently chastising.

“Georgie, you should not wander and make papa worried.”

In response Georgie reached out with a chubby hand and tugged on one of Étienne’s ears making him wince. Gently shifting him, he quickly walked back to where he had left his other children.

Except the other children were not there; heart thumping and aiming somewhere down amongst his stomach in panic and fear, he looked around, tail twitching. Where the hell could his children have disappeared to in like a minute?! They were just there playing the game!

God was he going to have to do that embarrassing parent thing and call his kids on the intercom? The intercom of shame… the intercom of others judging…

“Étienne.”

He winced. It was a voice he knew and hated from numerous PTA meetings. The voice of his enemy.

Forcing a smile, and trying to ignore Georgie who was struggling even more in his grip, he turned towards Stuart. Stuart was a fellow omega, who seemed to have the Perfect family. In fact, beside him was his three-year-old, standing there Perfectly Behaved with no leash in sight.

“Stuart, how pleasant to see you,” Étienne lied through his teeth, trying to ignore the fact Georgie had somehow grabbed his tail and was chomping on it.

“Yes, indeedy,” Stuart replied, looking a little past Étienne. Gritting his teeth, Étienne ignored the annoying way the other omega talked. There was just something about him that made his skin crawl… maybe it was the Stepford wife effect? Surely he must be a robot from how perfectly his sandy brown hair was coiffed, barely touching the nape of his neck, or how his white skin had nary a freckle or stripe. Or even how his eyes seemed to be that ideal shade between yellow and brown that was on all the popular models. If Stuart was not taking skin whitening cream to hide a stripe or two Etienne would eat his hat. “That’s sure is an interesting way to keep your children in one location.”

“Hmm?”

“In the claw picker machine.”

Horror slowly dawned upon Étienne as he looked towards where Stuart was pointedly looking. There, literally inside the machine where young nekos attempted to pick up a stuffed toy with a giant claw, were the two twins, faces pressed against the glass.

“Mya!” he exclaimed nearly dropping Georgie in surprise, and dying on the inside that this terribly embarrassing moment was of course happening in front of his PTA enemy. However, he knew that he would regret not getting a photo of this. With his spare hand, he grabbed out his phone and took a photo of his two children, Carey and Richard’s faces pressed up against the glass, leaving streaks on the inside.

“Shouldn’t you be busy getting them out of the machine instead of mewing about it on Chatter?” Stuart asked in a rather arrogant manner.

Trying to keep his calm, Étienne responded, “I am preserving this to embarrass them in the future when they are older…” his tail twitching in annoyance. God, Stuart was the worst. It did not help that the omega also liked to boast that his alpha only needed him in the relationship, with the implication that because Étienne’s alpha had a beta that Étienne was somehow Not Enough. One of these days he was going to rip the other omega’s throat out. Taking a calming breath, he decided that blood sport was probably not a good idea in front of three two year olds.

“Isn’t that cruel to be planning to purposely embarrass your children in the future? I know /my/ alpha would never allow such a cruel act.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Étienne attempted to keep cool at the highly insufferable tone Stuart had taken, the tone that made his skin crawl whenever Stuart decided to boast about how amazing and rich and caring his alpha was (with the implication being that Étienne’s alpha was some loser shitball who couldn’t find a clean shirt if it had just been pulled out of the laundry).

Kneeling in front of the vending machine, Étienne pondered how to get his children out of it… Reaching up through the bottom where the toys dropped out, he managed to grab Richard’s foot. He gave it a tug.

“Myaaaaa!!!” Richard screeched as if Étienne had attempted to rip his foot off, jumped in the air, smacked his head against the glass, and somehow managed to pass out. Panicking, knowing that Stuart was watching and Judging, Étienne’s mind was swirling with what the hell he should do. Meowry, Calvin would know what to do. Why the hell did he have to be out of town doing some stupid business deal to get their art gallery lots of money? He needed him here!

He heard something that sounded like a derisive chuckle come from Stuart and he knew the other man was enjoying his predicament.

“You know if it was me, I would call the attendant… maybe they have keys... you know to open up the machine? Before you kill off your other child in a similarly abusive manner…” Stuart said in a semi amused yet derisive manner, with the subtext of ‘wow aren’t you a shitty omega, who the hell would reproduce with you, what a pity someone even tried, no wonder your children will end up fuck ups with you as a parent, can’t even think of calling the attendant over.’

Turning away, Stuart said, “Come along, Gerald.” Obediently, his child followed.

Glaring at him, knowing that Stuart’s suggestion was the good and logical one, and hating that he should do it, Étienne frowned.

Maybe there was a way he did not have to follow his suggestion… For a moment he wondered if he could just pick them up with the claw, but after looking at the machine and seeing Carey lazily sucking on a squid toy, he knew that he needed to get them out before they ruined any more toys (that he would no doubt be forced to pay for), and he had a feeling that his claw skills were rather subpar since usually games like this were Calvin’s specialty.

With a sigh he stood up, and looked around for an attendant, his hand now holding Georgie’s small hand, making sure that he at least kept one child alive.

Thankfully an attendant was nearby, and once Étienne embarrassedly explained the situation, and the Attendant laughed heartily at the situation (but in a nice jolly manner), he went over and unlocked the machine.

Frantically, Étienne scooped out Carey and Richard, and checked their harnesses. One two three… wait a moment... where the hell was Daniel!?

God did he manage to actually lose and or kill off a child today?!

The Attendant was busily locking the machine again, when, in the far corner he noticed a smol black ear poking out of a pile of toys.

“Wait!”

Curiously, the Attendant looked at him. “Mya?”

“My other son is in there.” Étienne admitted in embarrassment.

Another jolly laugh, and the Attendant opened the machine again, and, (after another photo for posterity of course!), Étienne reached in and carefully extracted the sleeping Daniel.

“Thankyou,” Étienne said as he quickly checked the harnesses and got his children in order again.

“No problem, this really brightened my day,” the Attendant responded, “You have some cute kiddos there, and from their inventive curiosity I have a feeling they will end up amazing future nekos! Especially with a great parent like you worrying about them!”

Eyes prickling, with what were obviously not tears, Étienne gave a nod, managing to get his voice firm as he responded, “Of course they will be great, they have great dads! I apologize about this inconvenience, how much do I owe you for the toys?”

For indeed as each child was lifted out of the machine they had laid claim to a toy (Georgie who had seen this had begun to cry until he managed to lay his hands upon a kawaii pink alpacasso).

“Oh! For such a laugh don��t worry about it, this machine gets us enough money as it is,” A happy wave as if the thought of money was an irrelevant concept, the Attendant toddled off to do his job stuff.

Standing up, Étienne frowned at his children, deciding that maybe it was better to walk them home, even if keeping them inside made them loud.

Thankfully, due to the fact he had been pregnant with triplets, they had finally moved to a nice house with many rooms. (Having three children in the penthouse was a bad time, and it had become imperative that they have a larger space.)

“Come on,” Étienne said, as he led his string of children out of the arcade, “We’re going home to make cookies.”

“Cookies!!” Daniel exclaimed happily.

“Mmhmm,” Étienne figured at least at home if they fell into a railing, or somehow got sucked into the couch, friggin Stuart wouldn’t be there to judge him. It did not even matter that he was a shitty baker: with the kids helping out, the cookies were bound to fail and... (here his tail twitched at the thought), maybe when Ed came home he would take pity on them and make some good cookies?

Pausing a moment, he looked at his phone, and sent the pictures of the kids in the machine to their private group dad chat, knowing that they would get a good chuckle from this mishap.

Screw Stuart and his alpha, Étienne thought angrily, he had the best husbands! They thought his screw-ups were hilarious – as if to prove a point, Calvin responded rather swiftly with a laughing emoji.

C: “You alright? All the kids alive?”

In response Étienne sent a snap of him looking rather tired, but with all children walking behind him on their lead.

When he was halfway home, (he had paused to let the kids run around in a field chasing butterflies, which of course he had taken like ten thousand photos of; his kids may be fuck ups but they sure as hell were cute), Ed finally responded (probably in between meetings, Étienne thought.)

Ed: Oh my god, did Daniel get stuck in ANOTHER thing?! XD XD What are the chances he becomes the next Mewdeeny? I’ll be home around six tonight, getting off early. J What’s for dinner? Take out? O;

Étienne smiled, appreciating the small jab at his home cooking. The last time he had attempted to make an omelette it had been burnt to hell and back – but Calvin and Ed valiantly had eaten it. (The children of course had better sense, and refused to eat the burnt offering, which had forced Ed to make the rest of the omelettes… soft buttery pieces of heaven.)

Et: Excuse meow! I can make dinner just as good as you! When you get back prepare to be dazzled.

Ed: Guess I will take the acid reflux medicine before I come home then!

C: Me too

Et: >: C Guuuysss you are being mean :’C

In response Calvin sent a picture of himself on the bus, apparently done the business meeting.

C: Look I’m so worried about your cooking I’m racing home to stop you!

Et: jokes on you I’m not even home… (at this point, Étienne sent a photo of the kids in the field chasing butterflies)

Ed: Awwwwwww that’s so cute. Want another one?

Et: Oh my god no, non, nope. Please let me rest. Rip me.

C: Ehh?? What we’re only stopping at six?

Et: Yes. Please.

There was a moment of silence in the group chat, during which Étienne glanced up and made sure all his children were in sight (it looked like Carey was busy pulling on Daniel’s tail and no doubt causing an Incident, but hey Daniel needed to learn to fend for himself was the reasoning), before finally Ed said.

Ed: Who’s picking up Phil and Fel from school?

C: Isn’t that supposed to be Etienne?? Since he has the day ‘off’?

Paling at this, Étienne glanced at the time. Thank Meowry, he still had time to go to the school and act as if he had not just forgot his other two kids.

Et: There’s a reason why I’m not home. I am of course picking up the kids. Hmmp.

C: Just checking in, don’t want a repeat of last Wednesday.

Et: I WAS ON MY WAY I JUST GOT DELAYED.

Ed: By fish tacos?

Deciding that he did not want to continue the conversation at this juncture, and wanting to prove he was a competent and good Papa, he managed to corral his children (ignoring the fact Daniel was a little teary from the abuses of Carey) and walked towards the school. God, he had forgotten the leads for Phil and Fel… but they were old enough to walk beside him, he thought.

Phil, despite not being the hockey prodigy, was doing rather well in school. He was blossoming in shumka dancing too, which was pretty good for an eight-year-old. Felicia on the other hand… was more trouble than the four nekos that he was currently leading to school. He wondered if she would have any more scrapes and bruises today.

As they reached the school he realized he was a little early, which was probably the responsible parent thing to do. Unfortunately, as he neared the playground he noticed that his Enemy Stuart was also early, and watching his perfect child perfectly play on the swing. No doubt he was there to pick up his other irritating perfect children.

Étienne always viewed it as a misfortune that omegas went into heat around the same time, because it meant almost like clockwork the minute he popped out another child Stuart also managed to keep up popping out his own perfect kids. Each one of them seemed to be overachieving children, top of their class and perfectly behaved. Étienne half wondered if he was cloning the same child.

Stuart sadly had noticed him. “Oh? Your children are still alive?”

Wanting to ignore him, Étienne felt a slip of horror when Carey squiggled free of the lead and made a beeline to the swing. In almost slow motion he watched as his child launched himself at Stuart’s little Gerald, the impact tossing them both off the swing and rolling into the sand.

Stuart had screeched in horror at the scene, “GET YOUR SAVAGE CHILD OFF MY CHILD!!! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO TRAIN THEM!?”

Coolly looking at the scene, and noticing with some satisfaction that Gerald now had a tear in his pants, Étienne released the other children from their harnesses and said, “Well you know, it’s a cat-eat-cat world… if Gerald doesn’t figure out how to fend off potential mates now, he will never succeed.”

Stuart’s face was getting redder by the minute due to his fury, and he rushed over to try to part Carey and Gerald. (Daniel had managed to wander off, a little too close to something he could stick his head in, but quite honestly Étienne had become adept at getting Daniel out of railings of every sort so he was not too worried). Georgie and Richard however had rushed over to help their brother.

As Stuart was rushing over to save his precious Gerald, Étienne realized with some surprise that Richard was not beating up the little kid, but instead they were /playing/ and it looked like the poor kid was finally having one moment of fun in his life, before Stuart adeptly plucked him from the play tussling.

“Don’t play with them!” Stuart was scolding Gerald, “They are no good for you!”

Étienne watched uncomfortably as Gerald began to cry, obviously distraught that he could not play with the others. Stuart however misinterpreted the tears.

“Look at my Poor Gerald!” He clutched the child to his chest, “Your child made him cry!” (Of course how he said the words, Étienne managed to read “your horrible barbaric children harmed him and now he will never walk again.”)

At this moment the school bell rang and a flood of children came out the building. Deciding not to answer Stuart, Étienne looked at the flood of children, picking out Philipe rather easily, and then not too far behind, Felicia (who seemed to have a new band-aid in the middle of her forehead).

“Philipe! Felicia!” Étienne called, getting their attention. Thankfully they had heard him, and they wandered over to him looking relatively happy to see him.

“Papa!” Philipe exclaimed as he gently took his hand, a look of deep concern on his face, “Does this mean you’re making dinner?”

Hearing the conversation, Felicia made a face, “Yick!!! Not burnt omelette again!”

Feeling mortified, certain that the disapproving Stuart was overhearing his cooking failure, Étienne responded with a tight smile, “Let’s gather the others and go home, ok?”

“Okaayyyyy,” with a huff, Felicia stomped over to the triplets, “WE’RE GOING HOME STOP PLAYING.”

The triplets immediately obeyed, having already learnt the terrors of not listening to her.

Philipe had gone to fetch Daniel (who thankfully was just riding the bouncy duck thingy and not stuck his head in a railing.)

With a sigh, Étienne happily guided his children home.

As they were occupied colouring at the dinner table, he opened the fridge; after careful consideration of the ingredients, he picked up the phone and called a take-out place.

#projectcanada cities #quatschfic #pc: edmonton #pc: montreal #pc: calgary #nekoverse #april fools

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