#napkinisms

[canisalbus]

This made me think of Machete being flattened from cuddling or just generally being a dog that looks like he was squished by a boulder like a cartoon

Also I am constantly in tears over Vasco and Machete

[silfraen]

I love her so much I hope she burns

[callmedaisy]

Vintage cocktail napkins 🍸

[mrdespondency]

stanley pines the man that you are

[begouristore]

Top On Sale Product Recommendations! Professional 200-300Pcs/Min Sanitary Pad Machine Napkin Folding Machine China Sanitary Napkin Machines Original price: USD 127627.62 Now price: USD 127627.62 Click&Buy:

[iveonlydonethisoncebefore]

[sophsun1]

Like, I get anxious to pay the rent. Like, to pay for groceries, like, real shit, right? And I was thinking it would be real easy for me to get really angry at these kids. Like, "Fuck them kids. They don't know shit." They haven't been through nothing, they don't know real stress. But I'm also like "I would give anything to be one of them motherfuckers." I'm jealous as fuck.

[machveil]

König keeping you on his thick cock, big, rough hands moving you up and down as you cling to him. he’s sobbing out ‘sorry’s and ‘bitte’s, blubbering into the crook of your neck as he sloppily thrusts up to meet you. he promised it was going to be a quickie, nuzzled his crooked nose against yours, pressed a soft kiss to your temple. now he’s close to shooting blanks as he keeps bucking up into you, practically boneless as you moan into his ear. “One more, Schatzi, bitte— just—”, an ugly gasp leaving him as you clench around him, whining out pitifully followed by a snotty sniffle. groans as he forces himself to shift slightly, digging his heels into the mattress as he bounces you on him, “More, just need more, Spätzchen.”. it’s for your own good, really! König knows you’ll feel empty without him, and he doesn’t want to leave your warmth. he’ll promises just one more, and he’ll keep promising it until he’s all tuckered out and the tears running down his cheeks are dry

[pangur-and-grim]

return of the king!!

[sydneighsays]

Can I rest now? 😭

[clip from: TMA ep 111 Family business]

This is probably going to flop 🧍🏻‍♀️🫶🤭😙🫴❤️

[VD: A grayscale Magnus Archives animatic of Jon and Gerry talking in episode 111 of The Magnus Archives. Gerry, a ghostly goth, and Jon, a thin brown man in a graphic T-shirt, sit together at a table. Gerry says scornfully, "Playing politics with things they didn’t understand. Reckoned her tradition was less the academic and more the, uh…" Jon offers dryly, "V-Village witch?"

Gerry laughs, pleased, and asks, "You sure you don’t know her?" He sighs, sobers, and says, "Yeah. But deep down what she wanted wasn’t all that different from the ivory tower idiots she hated. Y’know, I think, secretly, she dreamed of starting a little mystic dynasty of her own." He grimaces. "With me."

Jon says a little eagerly, "Like the, the Lukases? Or the Fairchilds?" Gerry corrects, "Well, Fairchild’s just a name, they’re not really family." Then he does a finger gun and says, "The Lukases, though, yeah."

He turns away, pensive and frowning, and says, "Thing is, it’s harder than it looks. What’s out there… doesn’t care about blood." Jon, grinning a little, says, "Well, I-I mean, except for the vampires…" Gerry scowls, "Yeah, obviously except for the vampires." Jon looks abashed, and Gerry looks down sorrowfully to say, "But they care about your choices, your fears, not your parents." End VD]

[ID: A still of the scene where Gerry scowls and says "Yeah, obviously except for the vampires" to an embarrassed Jon. End ID]

Described by princess-of-purple-prose

[prlssprfctn]

Batfamily get tired of Bruce and Jason's insanity and as true hypocrites buy them monthly sessions to the therapist that they cannot ignore, like, at all. That ensues some troubles.

Jason: *sprawled on the couch in the Batcave* Bruce: *brooding around* Jason: What's up with you? Bruce: I am dreading over the upcoming therapy session. Jason: Oh, lmao, they forced you, too? Bruce, irritated: That's a ridiculous waste of time. I don't even need it. Jason: Yeah, same. Wanna tip, though? Gaslight the shit out of your therapist. Bruce: ...What? Jason: Lie to them. Forge fake stories. If they are a good therapist, they will catch you. But you know what? Mine believes me. Can't wait to find out just how far it can go. Bruce: That's wrong on so many levels. Bruce: ...I'll try.

Of all things that could mend Bruce and Jason's relationship, this makes a trick. They start discussing their therapy sessions all the time. But not because they receive some kind of useful feedback, but because they keep giggling about gaslighting their therapists.

Bruce unleashes his full Brucie Wayne potential on that poor therapist. Like, yeah, he will discuss his traumas... No, no, not his parents' death! He, of course, meant that one incident with Oliver Queen, when they were seventeen and drunk, and-

Bruce: I think I genuinely didn't have so much fun since forever. Therapists truly can help. Jason: I have an amazing idea how to make it even more hilarious. This one is a little insensitive, but hey. Whatever makes it funnier. Bruce, squinting: ...Jason. Jason: Are you in or not? Bruce: ...

*a few hours later, in the living room of the Manor, with all family members gathered*

Bruce: Jason and I asked you to come since we have news for you. As you know, we had been visiting therapists for a while, and it was an immense help to our mental health. As it was expected, in the middle of the sessions we came to the topic of our relationship. Jason: Yeah, uh. We kinda decided to get a separate therapist for this. Like, family one. For us to go together. And fix things. Bruce: Yeah. We just wanted to update you on this. All support would be appreciated. Dick, wiping his tears away: Guys. Guys, I am so proud of you. Jason and Bruce: *high-fiving each other behind their backs*

Do they actually go to the family therapist? Yeah! Do they still continue creating fake ass stories to test their doctor? Yeah! Do they actually by the accident start oversharing their own emotions during acting by an established scenario and actually get a whole mental breakdown in front of terrified therapist? Yeah...

Therapist: So, uh... *checking scribbled notes of a messy drama that Bruce and Jason rehearsed a night before* ...H-how about we think about where it brings us now? Mister Wayne, do you feel guilt about what happened? Bruce, answering automatically, out of prepared lines: Of course, I feel guilt. I always do. Therapist: Okay, why won't you try to apologise before your son? Bruce, stammering: I-I don't know, I am a prideful person Jason, also abandoning their script: Oh, wow, and I am not?! Therapist: O-okay. Uh, mister- Jason: Like, not saying, but it would be nice to see you discarding some of your pride, when all I do is to stomp on my own to please you! Therapist: Okay, okay, how about... Jesus Chirst, mister Wayne, mister Todd-Wayne, are you crying? Jason and Bruce, sniffling: NO!

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

Wild that tumblr latched onto the death of a Roman emperor as a holiday and not pi day, March 14, 3.14. I have completely normal, non birthday related reasons for feeling that tumblr should also celebrate pi day

[arrimorr]

Ok, I completely missed the reveal of Yellow being the real king in yellow in the S4 finale and caught up with the fact only when it was confirmed in the last Harlan's interview AND GOTTA SAY this situation is peak comedy to me

[coochiekrab]

Big Evan and Big Baby before bed

[bastardofharrenhal]

ppl who genuinely think that jon should just be a king-consort who doesnt interfere with politics and just lets his wife do all the dirty work should consider themselves opps bc were not reading the same books im sorry to say. ppl r so obsessed with making jon out to be some ambitionless wifeguy and a lapdog and thats literally so annoying bc thats a completely different guy!!! ur making up a guy in ur brain!!!! he joins the nights watch bc hes ambitious bc thats the one place where bastards may rise high hes daydreamed and pretended to be the lord of winterfell as a child hes been groomed by joer mormont FOR leadership and IS a leader now and when stannis offers jon winterfell and val he WANTS it he wants it so bad but refuses it to lead the nights watch. if u dont want that then u dont want jon idk what to tell u

[nuzipilled]

she’s a little nervous be nice to her