#naomi i have no fucking clue if these words make sense

[tartt9]

There will be nights - many nights — as long as Jamie's in Manchester, these nights will continue - where he'll be faced down with a ghost, a man more monster than human, being told he wasn't good enough, didn't play hard enough, that he was soft, he was fragile, he was so many unspeakable things that Jamie can't bear to think of. Those nights will come, and Jamie won't have Paddy to turn to anymore. His only option will be knocking on his mum's door, bothering her and Simon, making her worry for him. He's never wanted Georgie to feel even an ounce of guilt about the man she'd slept with when she was just seventeen. Jamie never wants her to think that his treatment at the hands of his father is her fault. That's why he doesn't go to her after encounters like the one he had in the visitors' treatment room at Richmond after he'd relegated them. He'd gone to Paddy, he'd let the other man hold him, and by the time he visited Georgie the next morning, all was well.

Things have gotten better since Pep was hired. Before Pep, it was the simple, honest truth that De Villardi could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and nobody could stop him. Or nobody would stop him. Pep put an end to that - to making Jamie pick up cones, fetch towels and water bottles, to hotel duty during away matches. Pep has no room for attitudes, for egos, for anything but sportsmanship in his dressing room. And Jamie's endlessly grateful to him. He still remembers the feeling of Pep's arms draped over his shoulders when they won the Prem in 2018, and again last year. Pep has emphasised the fact that Jamie means a lot to Man City, to the supporters, to the city of Manchester as a whole. Pep has told him time and time again that he intends to keep Jamie close from here on out, that he wants him to grow in his mother club. Pep was a homegrown player himself, raised in Barça's Academy, and played for them a majority of his career. He knows the merits of a homegrown player, of an Academy player made great. Jamie is to Pep as Pep was to Cruyff. Jamie trusts Pep. Jamie's always been good at reading people, and he knows that Pep trusts Jamie with Paddy.

But what will happen when Paddy's gone? Who will Jamie turn to? Who will Pep trust him with? Jamie doesn't want Pep to think that Jamie's entirely dependent on players who are his senior. At Richmond, Jamie showed that he could be a star on his own. That he didn't need to rely on anyone. But that's not how things work at City. At City, they all need to be one team, one interconnected system. Jamie hopes that he can prove to Pep that he can be a part of that system. This season, he tells himself, he can rely on both Paddy and himself to prove his worth in this team. And, after this season... well, fuck, it'll ache to not have Paddy to lean on anymore at team celebrations, to not be able to run to after he's scored a goal, to jump around with in the dressing room after a particularly good win. Jamie doesn't know how he'll manage. For Jamie, there has never been City without Paddy O'Gara. When Jamie joined the fucking Academy, Paddy was already with City.

Of course Paddy's retiring now. He's had a long, successful, decorated career. But why does it have to be now? Jamie doesn't want him to hurt himself the way Roy Kent did. Permanent injury just to play another few seasons of football. It's not worth it. But Jamie wishes Paddy were a few years younger just so they can share the pitch just a bit more. He tries to blink tears from his eyes, but that only leads to them falling down his cheeks. Great, now he's crying.

Things will change. Jamie fucking hates change, no matter how much he knows change is inevitable. Someone else will fill Paddy's spot, someone else will earn City's 5, and it'll be an honour for them, but, for Jamie, it'll always feel like some imposter is on the pitch. Someone trying to replace someone they can never replace. He forces himself to breathe - they have one more season together. One more season where Jamie will have the comfort of sharing a pitch with Paddy. But then things will change and Paddy will be gone and who'll he talk to on Sunday afternoons and who will he watch the other matches in the Prem with and who'll teach him how to fix his mistakes and who'll be there to make him apple cake on his birthday and --

Jamie scrubs his hand over his face to try to hide his tears. He can still feel the spots on his hands that Paddy's lips touched - they're burning. He fears that they'll always burn. His love for Paddy is something indescribable. It's more than familial, less than romantic and sexual, but far more than friendly. Paddy is, in Jamie's mind, his brother, his lover, his best friend, his father, his coach, his teammate, his mentor, all wrapped up in one - even if the truth of the matter is that only the last two things are true. Will Paddy think of him when he moves back to Ireland? Will the girls remember him? Will Teagan have a godfather whose face she only knows from watching the Prem on the tele on weekends? How will Paddy describe him to the kids, to his mum, to Sinéad's family? Will he talk about Jamie at all?

His hands ache with emptiness when Paddy lets them go. He immediately shoves them under the hem of his t-shirt, trying to keep Paddy's warmth in. He's always called a footballer's retirement their first death. Paddy may not be dying, but Paddy O'Gara, City's beloved centre back for more than a decade is. He feels fucking pathetic, he shouldn't be letting this hurt him this much. "Can I 'ug ya...?" he mumbles, looking at Paddy across the table. His appetite is completely gone, no matter how good the burger was. Embarrassing as the desire may be, he just needs to be held right now.

“ oh,  jamie,  i… ”    but  the  words  get  stuck  in  his  throat,  which  takes  paddy  by  surprise.    his  vocal  cords  feel  pinched  shut  with  emotion,  tears  blurring  his  vision  the  longer  he  looks  at  jamie.    he  knows  it’s  the  sight  of  the  young  lad  that’s  causing  these  tears,  it  would  be  easier  to  look  away  and  have  his  tears  disappear.    but  it  would  feel  like  an  even  bigger  betrayal,  not   being  able  to  face  jamie  as  paddy  announces  his  retirement.    paddy  has  to  look  him  in  the  eye  as  he  does  this;  he  owes  him  that  much.    a  single  tear  falls  down  his  cheek  when  paddy  reaches  out  over  the  table  to  take  jamie’s  hand,  the  other  one  wiping  the  tear  away  as  quickly  as  it’d  fallen.    paddy  takes  both  of  jamie’s  hands  in  his,  pinching  them  so  hard  the  skin  of  his  fingers  turns  white.    “ yeah,  lad.    this  is  it. ”    his  words  wobble  dangerously,  balancing  an  edge  unfamiliar  to  it.

it’s  rare  for  paddy  to  get  this  emotional.    he  knows  he  won’t  cry  when  he  announces  the  news  to  pep,  shares  it  in  city’s  dressing  room,  says  it  out  loud  during  a  press  conference.    they  would  have  their  own  sort  of  gut-wrenching  goodbyes,  something  sweet  with  nostalgia  and  bitter  as  the  ending  of  an  era.    putting  a  period  behind  his  football  career  means  leaving  behind  a  part  of  himself  that  has  always  been  essential  to  how  paddy  o’gara  experiences  the  world,  how  the  world  experiences  him.    he  might  shed  a  tear  for  that  part  in  private,  when  he  feels  it’s  appropriate  to  grieve    –    if  he  finds  he  time  for  it,  between  taking  care  of  his  family  and  picking  up  the  dozens  upon  dozens  of  hobbies  he’d  promised  himself  to  take  up  once  he’s  in  retirement.    between  keeping  an  eye  on  jamie,  which  he  swears  to  himself  and  his  teammate,  as  he  pulls  his  hands  closer  and  leans  over  to  press  a  kiss  against  jamie’s  knuckles.

one  more  time.    jamie  and  paddy  will  share  one  more  season  on  the  pitch  together.    admittedly  paddy  had  worried  about  not  being  able  to  play  with  jamie  by  his  side  before  he’d  gone  into  retirement.    jamie’s  return  to  manchester  city  had  been  a  relief  in  many  aspects  and  paddy  would  lie  if  this  wasn’t  one  of  them.    ( it’d  also  been  a  tragedy,  paddy  knows,  one  he’d  hoped  to  keep  jamie  safe  from    –    but  some  things  even  paddy  o’gara  can’t  stop  from  happening. )    it  tears  at  him,  to  have  jamie  crawl  back  from  london,  only  to  give  him  another  kick.    paddy  had  hoped  to  have  finished  their  meal,  at  least,  share  a  few  laughs  as  to  not  entirely  taint  jamie’s  return  to  manchester,  their  long  awaited  reunion.    paddy’s  breath  turns  shaky.    he  presses  one  more  kiss  against  jamie’s  hand,  this  time  with  an  apology  attached,  before  he  lowers  them  to  rest  on  the  table.

paddy  remembers  the  first  time  he’d  offered  help  picking  up  the  cones.    he  hadn’t  really  offered  in  the  sense  that  any  other  human  being  would.    paddy  had  just  started  picking  up  the  cones  on  his  side  of  the  pitch,  making  his  way  to  meet  up  with  jamie  halfway.    he’d  carried  his  fair  share  into  the  stock  room  in  silence,  followed  by  the  dumbfounded   young  lad,  and  paddy  had  refused  to  let  him  out  of  his  sight  ever  since.    paddy  looks  at  him  now  and  still  his  love  and  pride  for  him  shines  through  his  regret.    look  how  much  he’s  grown,  he  thinks  to  himself,  he’s  going  to  be  fine  just  without  you,  pádraig.    but  maybe  it  wasn’t  a  question  of  how  jamie  would  fare  without  him.    what’s  paddy  going  to  do  without  jamie?    who’s  going  to  keep  him  company  every  sunday  noon?    who  will  paddy  make  his  apple  cake  for?    whose  hair  is  he  going  to  ruffle  and  laugh  at  their  dismay?    he  remembers  the  shape  of  jamie’s  head  on  his  lap,  the  weight  familiar  and  comfortable  by  now,  as  paddy  strokes  his  cheek  and  tells  him  it’s  going  to  be  alright.    paddy  hadn’t  realized  before  that  he  might  have  been  talking  to  the  both  of  them.    paddy  considers  his  kitchen,  empty  of  jamie’s  laughter  and  apple  cake  slices,  and  it’s  not  something  he  wants  to  think  about    –    because  it  feels  impossible,  his  life  without  enough  room  for  jamie  to  exist,  for  jamie  to  grow.

jamie  will  be  his  hardest  goodbye.    paddy  has  always  known  this,  even  if  it  was  something  he  didn’t  want  to  consider  to  its  full  extend;  he  knew  because  he  never  wanted  to  consider  saying  goodbye  to  jamie  to  its  full  extend.    he  knows  this  is  far  from  turning  his  back  towards  him.   there’s  no  way  that  paddy  would  ever  do  that.    but  paddy  will  move  back  to  ireland.    jamie  will  have  to  navigate  manchester  city  without  him.    although  paddy  thinks  they’ll  always  be  side  by  side  in  heart  and  mind,  they  will  no  longer  be  close.    watching  jamie  kick  a  ball  around  with  his  daughters  will  be  an  off-season  privilege  from  now  on.    paddy  will  have  to  watch  most  of  his  games  on  television.    their  late  night  conversations  will  now  become  video  calls  on  the  scarce  moments  both  will  find  the  time  to.    their  dynamic  will  change,  an  inevitable  consequence,  and  both  will  need  time  to  fill  up  the  empty  space  it  leaves.

“ ah,  shite. ”    paddy  curses  as  he  lets  go  of  jamie’s  hands,  wipes  away  another  tear.    he  tries  to  think  of  a  joke  to  make  things  a  little  more  bearable,  exchange  the  heaviness  of  the  moment  with  something  familiar  they  can  both  cling  to.    but  paddy  fails  to  come  up  with  anything  else  but  silence.    he’s  unable  to  fill  it  for  a  while,  coming  in  short  with  anything  else  to  say,  until    –    mercifully    –    something  does  come  to  light.    “ come  on  now,  jamie.    you’re   acting  like  i’ve  died  or  something.    it  isn’t  something  that  dramatic.    i”m  not  that  old   yet. ”

[trippinsorrows]

with me + part five

authors notes: hi! you guys are so freaking awesome and sweet and like gawww, so grateful for such kind words and support!

so i realized that i used the wwe names for jimmy, jey, naomi, etc. that was my bad. i'll be using their real names moving forward for the sake of flow and consistency.

also keep forgetting to state that current timeline is 2023. like, this chapter is fall 2023. everything, so far, post breakup for joe and reader has been 2023. i plan to follow that timeline, so make of that what you will.

i hope this chapter isn't too boring to people!

warnings: fluff, language, suggestive content

song inspo: with me by destiny’s child

words: 5.7k

tags: @pixiedust4000 @southerngirl41 @yolobloggers @msbigredmachine @wonderingfashion

“So, are we just going to continue to ignore each other?”

You’re not sure how, but you sense his presence long before he even says anything. And instantly, your mood is dampened, not that you were in the best spirits to begin with. You didn’t get much sleep the night before, for reasons you cannot fathom. But, it’s annoying as hell, especially when you have an ex turned fuck buddy who can’t seem to get a fucking clue ready to confront you outside of your daughter's preschool.

Sighing heavily, you pull out your phone to play around with your lock screen, because you really don’t have anyone you need to message in this moment. But, he doesn’t need to know that. “Not now, Amir.”

“Because you’re so busy?”

“Because I don’t care.” One thing you’ve learned about yourself over the years is that once you’re annoyed with someone, there’s no filter on your mouth and you cannot be held liable for what comes out of it. “Now, please, go away.”

He just looks at you, sun shining down on his waves and chocolate complexion. It’s unfortunate outside of his looks that he’s an overall trash partner. Decent friend. Shitty boyfriend. “You always do that shit, you know? Pull and then push. It was kinda cute when we were kids. Now, it’s just annoying.”

You were standing outside of Callie’s preschool, waiting for the kids to be dismissed, waiting for your little girl to come running out with a smile on her face, request on the tip of her tongue. It’s usually something small like wanting to show you what she learned in school. Lately, it’s been the same.

Can I call Joe?

A part of you feels bad for the amount of calls he probably gets in one day just from Callie alone. She took your offer for her to call him whenever he was available to another degree, not that he minded. He took as many as he could, listening to her talk and talk about whatever happened to be on her mind in that moment. And you let her.

What kind of mother would you be if you stopped her from talking to her dad? Even if she doesn’t know that’s who he is. 

It’s been almost two weeks since he left, and she clearly misses him. You often overhear her asking about when he’s coming again. You also receive those questions. It’s something you and him discuss via text but haven’t landed on a date yet. 

Communicating with Joe is also something that’s still an adjustment. It’s not as difficult or uncomfortable, because it’s almost entirely about Callie, but still. 

“If that’s the case, why do you bother?” You manage a less insensitive tone, even if you know good and well you’ve never led this man on. Amir has always heard and believed what he wanted to believe. That was the problem. He never listened to you.

“Because I fucking care about your annoying ass, duh.”

His delivery, the tone, and cadence. You laugh. It’s probably inappropriate at the moment, but it does bring a smile to his face as well. “Softie.”

He moves closer to you, arms crossed. “I’m serious, Y/N. You know how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt about you.” 

Leaning against your car, you respond as calmly as you can, “and you know I’ve always made it clear I’m not looking for anything more. We had our time, Amir. It didn’t work out. Now we just help each other get off. I don’t know why you keep trying to make it more than what it is.”

“A date. One date,” he implores. A waste of time, because your answer is no. It’s been no and will continue to be no. “You haven’t even given ‘adult’ us a chance.”

There’s a headache in your near future, one that’s reminiscent of past ones only Amir seems to induce. It’s interesting how he went from indifferent asshole to clingy asshole. You almost miss the earlier version.

Chocolate was supposed to be good for the soul, so why was he so draining to yours?

“Amir…..” You try to pick your words carefully and be mindful of your tone. “This is getting real old. I think we need to stop messing around, because we’re clearly not on the same page.” The next part is something you probably shouldn’t share, but you call yourself trying to be open and clear. “Calista’s dad is back, and we’re trying to navigate coparenting, so—” 

“What?” He stops you, shock written over his handsome face. “Are you serious? You’re letting that motherfucker back in ya’ll life?”

This time, it’s his tone that jumps, accusatory and harsh. You immediately grow defensive. “You don’t know him.”

“God, why do you defend him like this? Is it that Stockholm Syndrome shit? He left you. He left you and his kid. What kind of man does that? And you’re just letting him back in? Just gonna jump back on his dick? Letting him around Callie? She’s old enough now to remember when he decides to leave again. I don’t get how you don’t see that. You her mama. You supposed to look out for her.”

And now, you’re done trying to be nice, trying to be mindful that he’s still another human being with feelings. Because one thing you never have and never will tolerate is someone insinuating you’re not looking out for your daughter. You’re not perfect, but you know that you’re a devoted, dutiful mother. 

“It’s obvious comprehension isn’t your strong suit, which I should have known based off the fact that I always had to help your dumbass do your homework back when we were in school.” All bets….off. “My baby? My life? My pussy? All my business. You don’t get to judge the decisions I make for my child nor the role that her father has in her life. That’s between me and him. Keep your nose out my fucking business. Don’t worry about me hitting you up anymore. That’s dead.”

Your rose will do just fine. Hell, there’s gotta be at least one other eligible bachelor in town you could fuck if absolutely need be. But, you know damn well you won’t be messaging Amir anymore. He comes with too much baggage. It’s not worth it. You refuse to let a nigga whose height starts with a 5 stress you out.

True to his nature, he starts gaslighting you. Typical Amir. “There you go overreacting and shit.”

“No, I’m not. You’re trying to question my parenting when you don’t know shit about shit.”

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes. This was why people used to say you had a temper in high school. Because of him. Because he loved to tell people what you said but never what he did. Always tried to make you feel crazy. Truth be told, you’re stupid for even opening that door with him again, even if it’s just for sex.

“Whatever, Y/N.” He turns to walk back over to his car. You really wish his damn sister would change her work schedule so she can pick up her son instead of this asshole. You’ll catch a case fucking with his dumbass. “I’ll wait for your text.”

He’ll be waiting. “Fuck you, Amir.” 

You should be more mindful of your language at a damn preschool, but Amir has managed to get under your skin, something that hasn’t happened since you were in college. You know a good part of it is because you’re sleep deprived, but you also know it’s partially because of his dig at Joe.

You understand the optics seem to indicate that he’s a deadbeat, but you’ve expressed to Amir countless times that it was a complicated situation. He didn’t know the specifics, but you made it clear Joe didn’t abandon you or Callie. That’s just the narrative Amir keeps running with, and now with Joe being back in your life and especially in Callie’s life, you’re not gonna let it continue. 

“Mommy!” Your head snaps to see and feel Callie run up to and hug her body against your leg. “Boo!”

Shit. Did she hear any of that? You hope not and paste on a smile that’s hopefully authentic enough to sell that everything is fine. “Callie Bear.” You lean down and pick her up, kissing her cheek. “Did you have a good day?”

She nods and starts explaining the activities while you buckle her into her carseat, trying your best to calm down and not give away your high stress levels in that moment. Callie is super perceptive, and you don’t want to ruin the obviously great day she’s had.

And sure enough, as you’re putting on your seatbelt and starting up the car, the golden question is shouted with pre-excitement. 

“Can I call Joe when I get home?”

Smiling at her through the rearview mirror, you answer, “yes, you can.”

In the almost two weeks that have passed since Joe’s departure, not one day has passed that Callie doesn’t asks to call Joe or just outright helps yourself to her iPad to call him. Sometimes several times a day during the weekends. And she’ll talk to him for as long as she can, as long as he’s able to hold a conversation with her. You’ll give it to him, he’s done an exceptional job handling all of it. On some level, you wonder if you should set some restrictions or time parameters, but how do you limit how much a daughter interacts with her father?

Callie rejoices at your approval and requests for you to put on the Disney playlist you made specifically for her on Spotify. 

The drive, no more than 10 minutes, consists of the two of you singing along to a few Disney tunes. It’s a bit of a tradition between you, a way to bond via your shared love of Disney. A love that ties not only you to her but to the women before you. Your mom and grandma. 

Arriving to your apartment complex, you decide to leave your work bag in the car. It’s Thanksgiving break. You most likely won’t do any work until the day or two before having to return.

You do carry Callie on your hip and swing her bag around your shoulder, walking the two of you up to the second floor. Sometimes, you regret not accepting the apartment they had available on the first floor. The older you get, the less your joints like to cooperate, your almost 15 years of cheer probably taking a toll on your body. 

And just age in general. 

But your regret quickly turns to a level of gratitude when you reach your door. 

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

Dropping Callie to the floor, she’s of the complete opposite reaction, gasping and smiling broadly. 

“Look mommy, more boxes!”

The smile is strained but you manage to maintain it, sticking the key in the door, unlocking and pushing it open.

She walks in, and you place her bag on the floor near the door, one foot keeping it open. “What do you think it is?” She asks as you pick them up and bring them inside, kicking the door closed behind you.

You know exactly what it is. What it all is. 

Gifts.

From Joe. 

In his absence, you’ve had several deliveries waiting outside your door when you got home from work and picking Callie up. And all of them were for Callie, gifts of variable nature but all of them things she loves. Disney, stuffed animals, dolls. Essentially anything that could make a 4 year old feel like she’s won the lottery. 

She’s literally bouncing on her toes, already with her kids scissors in her hands. 

When the hell did she grab those?

“Can I open them, please? Please?”

A part of you wants to say no, save them for christmas gifts, though you’re almost entirely certain he’ll have another set of gifts for her then. And it seems almost cruel to make her wait over a month when she knows there are presents waiting for her.

“Sure, but….” You scamper into the kitchen and grab your adult size scissors, returning and showing her. “Let mommy cut them, and then you open them.”

You don’t need this child accidentally cutting herself. Again, medical bills are not in the budget, especially around the holidays. Money’s already tight to some extent. 

Not that….not that it’d be much of an issue with Callie. You’d never fix your moth to ask Joe for anything, especially not financially, but if it was something involving your daughter, you’re pretty sure your tune would change. It would still bother you to ask for help, but you know he’d have zero qualms helping you out.

He’d probably pay for it in its entirety.

Your proposition pleases her. “Okay!” She places her scissors on the nearest flat surface and sits down, legs crossed, bouncing impatiently. 

Chuckling, you glide your scissors across, careful not to open anything. You want to save that moment for her and your plan. 

Once done, you place the scissors on the kitchen island and reach for your phone. “Wait before you open, baby.” 

Immediately, she frowns and scowls, “whyyyyyy.”

Rolling your eyes, you sit on the floor too to be at her eye level and open Snapchat. “Okay, now.” 

You hit record and watch intermittently through and outside of the screen as she opens the boxes, smile permanent and excitement palpable. She especially gets excited when she pulls out a freaking box of the new Little Mermaid and all of her sisters. More….dolls. 

“Look, mommy!!!” She then grabs a doll who has a surprisingly similar complexion and curl pattern to hers, holding it against her face. “She looks like me!”  

“She does,” you agree, realizing it’s a customized American Girl doll. Damn. Those things can run up to $200. You weren’t stupid, knowing Joe’s probably spent more money on Callie alone in two weeks than you’ve spent all year, but just how much has he spent?

It’s when she opens the final box, surrounded by nothing but toys and packaging that you’re already dreading having to stuff all this in your trash bin, “what do you say, baby?”

Callie hugs the American Doll close to her chest and directs to the camera, “thank you, Joe!” She gasps and adds on, “I miss you, but mommy said I can call you tonight!”

You hold back your giggle and agree, adding, “after she helps mommy clean up all this.” 

Her smile drops, pout returning, “I hate cleaning.” 

Snickering, you mutter, “you and me too, sis.” 

You end the video, save it and enter Joe’s chat to attach the video, adding a message.

You: You’re spoiling her, Joe. 😫 This is the third delivery this week alone. 

You’re able to clean up some of the packaging and throw it away before your phone chimes with his response. Callie has grabbed the amount you expected her to grab and discard. Her attention span is trash at the moment. She’s a child surrounded by toys. It’s expected. 

Joe: She's my little girl. Of course, I’m gonna spoil her.

Joe: There should be another one by the weekend. If not, let me know.

You sigh aloud, this man is gonna have your place looking like freaking KB Toys.

You: Omg

You: ….You know I live in an APARTMENT, right? Just where the hell am I supposed to put all of this stuff?

It’s sweet he’s so keen on gifting her these things, but he also has to realize you’re not living in a mansion in Malibu. And despite having a child who leaves messes wherever she goes, you do your best to keep your place tidy. 

 If you didn’t know Joe, didn’t see how easily he connected with Callie, you’d maybe accuse him of trying to “buy” her love. But, you know that’s not the case, know that he clearly just wants to make her happy. You just hope he knows that he does that all by himself, no gifts needed. 

Joe: She has a whole playroom.

You: Yes. Playroom, not Toys-R-Us. 

Joe: 🤷🏽‍♂️

You: 🙄 You’re aggravating.

He doesn’t say anything after that, so you decide to finish cleaning because at some point your child wandered off, most likely to her playroom to add all her new stuff with her slightly new stuff. Taking advantage of the alone time, you also decide to text your mom to figure out thanksgiving plans. Specifically, what drink, dessert, and/or condiments she wants you to bring because you damn well know she won’t ask you to cook.

She still hasn’t forgiven you for that accidental fire that one year.

And it’s when you’re sitting on the sofa, also starting to think about black friday plans that your mind wanders, your anxiety grows out of nowhere.

You’ve taken the approach to not have any say in Joe’s relationship with Callie, to intervene only when absolutely necessary. And as that hasn’t hasn’t occurred, you’ve not done so. You let him and her do their thing. But a small part of you wonders if you should put some parameters around Callie. She calls him several times a day, Joe, who spends more time on the road than there are days in the year.

You know he wants to establish a relationship with her, but that can be done with boundaries. Anxiety getting the best of you, you grab your phone and shoot him a text. 

You: Is it okay if she calls you today? I know it’s been a lot, and if too much, just let me know. I’ll talk to her. 

His reply comes almost immediately this time around.

Joe: She can call me 100 times. I don’t care. I wanna talk to her.

And instantly, the anxiety is almost non-existent. Deep down, you know this is what he wants. He wants to have interaction with her, and incessant Facetime calls are the only option with his crazy schedule, so it’s what he takes. It’s what he wants. 

Pleased and no longer stressing over an issue that was never an issue, you lock your phone and place it back at your side. A quick glance at the clock reminds you that it’s almost time for Callie’s bath. 

A couple minutes later, your phone dings with a text notification. From Joe.

You open it right away. 

Joe: This weekend. Don’t tell her. I wanna surprise her. 

You have to read it a couple of times before it registers. He’s coming back in town. This weekend. As in less than two days. You’re excited at this, happy as well. For Callie. But also, for yourself. Why? You haven’t a clue, well, maybe there’s a slight clue, but you don’t want to acknowledge that right now. 

You simply want to focus on the fact that you’re happy your daughter will be happy her dad is town. 

Who cares that you will be too.

________

Joe’s just walked out the bathroom, having showered and almost entirely prepped for bed when his phone rings. 

Moving over to the hotel nightstand, he’s surprised when he sees Callie’s smiling face filling his screen. A glance at the clock in the corner of his phone reads 11:06, which means it’s 9:06 her time. Well past her bedtime. What is she doing up?

Curious, and regardless, he answers the phone. It takes a second for the connection to finalize when it does, he’s instantly smiling, mostly because it’s Callie but also because of her setup.

It’s obvious she’s under a blanket, a flashlight in the corner illuminating the space, a stuffed animal in her lap. 

She’s the first to speak, her voice both loud and hushed in a way only she can do. “hi!”

“Hi, sweetheart.” He can’t help but ask almost immediately, “what are you doing up?” As he told you, he’d talk to her 24/7 if he could. And even though this call is unexpected and appreciated, she’s also a 4-year-old kid who needs her sleep.

Her little shoulders lift in a shrug. “I can’t sleep.”

Nodding, he follows up with, “where’s mommy?” 

“Sleeping,” she answers with a level of disappointment. “I don’t wanna wake her up. She had a bad day.”

“Really?” Joe moves around so he’s laying on the bed, on his side, phone propped on the nightstand. “How do you know?”

“Cause–cause she was yelling at Mr. Amir, and–and he was yelling at her too.”

Joe hasn’t a clue why, but that instantly upsets him. Who the fuck is this Amir person, and who the hell does he think he is to raise his voice at you? Around Callie of all people.

“Who is Mr. Amir?” Joe hates asking her all of these questions, but it’s also hard not to. 

“The basketball coach at the school for big kids.” She’s caressing the fur of the stuffed animal in her lap. “Aunt Mariah said he was mommy’s boyfriend when she was a big kid.”

“Really.” It’s not really a question as much as it is a general statement. Joe doesn’t know why he’s suddenly annoyed, not with Callie, but the entire situation. And definitely this Amir person even more now. He’s an ex. He dated you. It shouldn’t make him feel any type of way, but it does, and he hates that shit. 

He hates a man he’s never even met.

“I don’t like Mr. Amir,” Callie suddenly announces with a scowl. Same, kid. Same. Joe looks at her, seeing so much of you in her right now. He knows you’ve mentioned how you see a lot of him in Callie, but when she’s glowering like this, she’s 100% her mama’s daughter. “He made mommy mad today.”

“Has he ever been mean to you?” Joe has to ask, because he’s also realizing a part of him is upset at the thought of Callie being around men. You’re a grown woman and allowed to do what you want, but bringing men around Callie….that’s an absolute fucking no. 

He doesn’t give a damn if he’s only been in her life for two weeks or two minutes. She’s his daughter, and outside of himself and family, who you date should be kept far away from his daughter.

Joe mentally prepares to have this conversation—potential argument—with you. 

“No,” she answers, slightly calmer. “He doesn’t like Disney.” She says it like it’s a sin, like it’s almost inconceivable for anyone to not like Disney.

Playing along with this, Joe gasps, grateful for the distraction that is Callie’s intricacies. “He sucks.”

“Yeah, he sucks,” she agrees, nodding. Joe has to keep his smile to himself. “Do you say bad words?”

The randomness and topic change take him by surprise, but he’s learning that you weren’t exaggerating when you said Callie was filled with incessant, unrelated questions. “Sometimes.” 

“Mommy does too,” she reveals. “Grandma says Jesus doesn’t want us to say bad words, but I heard grandma call Ms. Beverly from church a bitch.”

At that, Joe can’t help his laughter. Her delivery, the punctuation she puts on the word ‘bitch’, to how she seems to not even process that she’s just said a bad word. It’s hilarious. “Well, sometimes grown ups say things we shouldn’t, and you just make sure you’re not saying things you shouldn’t.” 

“Okay,” she agrees, almost sheepishly. And then, a yawn. “I’m sleepy.” 

Joe knew she was from the moment she called, but he had a feeling she just needed to get the whole Amir thing off her chest. She doesn’t seem like the child who likes to or even can hold things in, which is preferable. “You should try to go to sleep then, sweetheart.”

She wipes at her eyes, expression suddenly saddened. “When are you coming back? You’ve been gone a really long time.”

He’s torn in this moment, wanting to tell her that he’ll be there this weekend but also not wanting to get her hopes up in case something comes up. There’s few things that could come up to keep him from going to see her, wrestling be damned, but still. Life has a way of lifing. So, he goes with the safe yet disappointing answer.

“Soon, I promise.” She’s clearly indifferent to this answer and doesn’t say anything, instead shifts on her bed, moving to lay down. “You should really try to sleep, Callie.”

Eyes starting to blink, clearly her exhaustion catching up with her, she asks, softly, “will you stay with me till I fall asleep?”

Her request tugs at his heartstrings. “Of course, sweetie.” 

Seemingly pleased by this answer, she closes her eyes, and he watches. He stares at this tiny human whose existence he only learned about not even a month ago yet would do anything to make happy. Joe thinks about Callie constantly, finds himself smiling at the thought of some of the Snapchat videos you’d send him of her in all of her randomness. She was so entertaining, so full of life, a genuinely happy kid. His kid. 

And it’s why he’s going to find out more about this Amir guy and why Amir is having any type of interaction with his daughter. 

________

Joe: You should know she called me last night.

You’re in the middle of perusing early Black Friday deals, needing to budget for that now and taking full advantage of Callie being down for a nap. However, you frown, reading his message, not understanding why he’s stating the obvious. You were there when she asked for the iPad and when she returned it after the call was finished.

You: I’m aware….

Joe: No. After that. 

Your eyebrows arch together, confused.  

You: What? when?

Joe: It was 11 my time, so 9 yours.

You gasp, typing away, wondering how the hell she snuck in your room and managed a whole ass Facetime call without you hearing shit. Were you really that damn exhausted?

You: What the hell was she doing up at 9? What did she say?  No wonder she was crabby this morning. 

Joe: She said she couldn’t sleep.

You: A bad dream?

Joe: Naw, said you got into an argument with someone named Amir earlier that day and didn’t want to bother you….I think it was bothering her.

Your stomach twists at that. You had a feeling she’d overheard the incident with Amir, but you prayed that you were wrong. Clearly, you weren’t.

Joe: Who is Amir?

You pause at Joe’s question. Why is he asking this? What business of his is Amir? Irritation washes over you, but is waned by realizing he’s probably asking because of Callie. As her father, he has a right to know if you’re with someone, because for all he knows that someone could be around his daughter. 

You really are trying with this co-parenting thing.

You: A lot of things. A pain in the ass being the most recent one. 

You: We dated in high school and college on and off. He’s the basketball coach at our local high school. 

It’s more information than probably what’s necessary, but there’s this small, conflicting part of you that wants him to know you have no ties to Amir. That there are no feelings there and haven’t been for literal years. 

That you’re not with Amir.

Joe: Are you dating him again? Why were you arguing around Callie?

The interrogating is getting old, but you’re trying to play nice. Coparent peacefully. His delivery is off, but he has valid questions.

Sorta.

You: No. We just….we fuck around from time to time. He tries to make it more than what it is.  Was about that. 

You: I was waiting for her to be released from pre-school, and he picks up his nephew for his sister. It just happened, and I didn’t know/mean for her to hear.

Honestly, you’re more worried and concerned about Callie and how to approach this with her without making her feel like she was in trouble. Yes, she knows damn well she shouldn’t be on the iPad that late at night, but can you really be mad at her for talking to her dad about something that upset her?

Joe: You bring him around her?

You absolutely can be mad though at her dad who’s about to make you cuss him out next too. All of the questions are becoming too much. He gets to be concerned, but he doesn’t get to micromanage and invade. 

Feeling petty and recalcitrant, you type out a reply that you should probably think twice before sending.

But fuck it.

You: No. I only ride his dick at his place. 🙂 

There’s a small ounce of regret for being so crude, but not a whole lot. He knows how you are, or he should, at least.

To some extent.

But your phone rings again, and you find yourself staring mouth agape at his reply.

Joe: You may ride his dick, but you had my kid. Clearly, only one of us knows how to please you. 

Your face is burning hot, and you hate how you shift in your seat. Why the fuck would he say that? You want to say it’s inappropriate, but you also opened this door. 

Is he entirely wrong?

Slapping away that wild ass thought, you focus on the real conversation at hand here. It takes a couple of rewrites before you ultimately decide to change the subject. 

You: I’ve never bought any man around her and never will that’s not you, if that’s what you’re asking. 

You’re grateful to see he’s also agreeing to change the subject.

Joe: It is. Thank you.

Rolling your eyes, you send a text back, getting back to being annoyed at his 21 Questions. This is a two-way street, and since he’s opened this door, why not?

You: You know that goes both ways though. I don’t want her around any bitches.

Joe: Seriously? 

Joe: There’s no one for me to bring her around. 

You…..you don’t know how to feel about that, don’t know how to feel about the bit of relief you feel at this message. Why should you feel relieved? Even if there was, that’s his business, and he’s allowed to….do whatever it is that he does.

It reminds you and brings you to your next topic. 

You: What about your wife? We need to figure that out as well. She’s eventually going to need to know about Calista and will probably be around her at some point. I get she’s your wife, but I’m Callie’s mother, I need to be there whenever you wanna introduce Callie. I need to be involved in that process as well.

He doesn’t reply. 

________

Joe doesn’t really get mad. 

Not often at least and definitely not outwardly. 

It’s always been his thing to never let anyone have access to that “button” that triggers his anger, and for the most part, it works well. 

Except for when it comes to you.

You’ve always been able to trigger many things for him, anger being one of them.

He knows he should have spoken to you in person about the situation, or even over the phone. But with the craziness of his schedule and differing time zones, he just decided to message you, and while it didn’t go horribly, it didn’t go great. He knows you’re annoyed with him.

Hence your crudity. 

Joe also refuses to admit that the thought of you fucking this kid pisses him the fuck off, even though you’re not together, even though he has no right to be upset. 

But goddamn that doesn’t make him any less upset or annoyed at the thought of someone else touching you.

“Uce?” Jon asks, standing at the door before inventing himself in Joe’s locker room for this week’s Smackdown. “You ready to talk man?”

At that, Joe looks confused. “Talk about what?”

“Whatever it is that got you all worked up.” The twins have always been very perceptive, even back when they were all kids. Joe might be good at hiding his frustration from others but not them. The difference between Jon and Josh though has always been Josh has the wherewithal to not say anything. 

Jon hasn’t caught on to that just yet. 

“I’m fine,” Joe dismisses, hoping it’s enough to dead the conversation, even though he knows better. 

“Lie detector determined that was a goddamn lie.” Jon can be pushy, but he means well, and truthfully, Joe doesn’t have a strong desire to outright shut down this conversation. A different perspective is always beneficial. 

Usually. 

So, he explains it all, starting with his call with Callie and ending with the text exchange between him and you.

“I see,” Jon nods, clearly absorbing all of this information. Finally, he concludes, “so you’re jealous.”

That’s the first thing to evoke a genuine laugh out of Joe since his exchange with Y/N. “I’m not jealous.”

“And I’m not a twin,” Jon dismisses. “Look, Uce, it’s obvious you still got feelings for ole girl. You ask me, I don’t think you ever got over her—”

“I didn’t ask you.” 

“--Now you sitting up here annoyed cause she fucking Coach Carter nephew instead of doing something about it.” Joe rolls his eyes. “I mean have you even told her about you and J—”

“No,” he interrupts, swiftly. “Not yet, at least.”

Nodding, Jon speaks again after a minute of silence. “All I’m saying is ya’ll got the history, got the connection, got the kid too! Don’t see why you need to be letting Jesus Shuttlesworth steal your girl.”

At that, Joe chuckles. One thing his cousins will always be good for, especially Jon, is comedic relief. Even some sound advice from time to time.

“Thanks.”

Joe is, surprisingly, thankful for the equally surprising advice from his cousin. He’s not entirely sure if he’s really jealous or just overreacting for a reason he hasn’t quite uncovered, but he is starting to lean more on the side of he does still have some level of feelings for Y/N. 

It’s not a complete shock. He had a feeling when he reacted so strongly to just seeing your picture. It was the whole Callie situation and finding out how you kept her from him that made his vision murky. 

But, as his relationship with her strengthens, the clearer he can see. 

The clearer his feelings are becoming. Now. it’s just a matter of figuring out what to do with said feelings.

And find out where you stand as well. 

Joe remains quiet, thinking more and more how this might end up being an eventful trip.

[jules-van-hering]

I was tagged by the lovely @nxposure and actually liked most of the 17 questions that were asked, so let's go! (And thank you, Mof!)

Nickname: Bean, but only one person is allowed to call me by that term of endearment and it's so fucking weird when she calls me by my real name that I immediately get anxious. In another context I have recently been called Bubbles a lot, referring to the powerpuff girl, and I love my Buttercup and Blossom so much. We're fighting the good fight together ✊🏼

Sign: cancer sun, virgo moon, sagittarius rising. Looked that up for funsies once, but don't think about it a lot.

Height: 174cm. No clue what that is in feet.

Last thing I googled: the university degree that I would like to apply for and start next year. It's a psychology program with a focus on society which is exactly the shit I love and also great for wanting to work in political education and campaigning.

Song stuck in my head:

The gay lampshade cowboy gets stuck in my head a lot. I love the pathos, I love the queerness, I love his voice.

Number of followers: 220 apparently. Two more would be a nice milestone :D

Amount of sleep: Seven hours I guess, but it wasn't really refreshing as I fell asleep after crying a lot and then woke up with a headache of course.

Lucky number: Four. It's been my favourite ever since I was little. I was born on a forth and my name starts with the same letter as the number (in my native tongue at least). Two excellent arguments as a kid.

Wearing: layers! Two pairs of socks, a coat, all the shebang. It's snowing!

Movies/books that summarize me: Michael Ende's Momo. It's an awesome children's book that can basically be handed out as anti-capitalist propaganda. My copy always lays beside my bed.

Favourite song:

I can't even put into words what this songs means to me. This is one of my forever favourites and it also is a litmus test for my mental health. When I can't bring myself to sing along with Nina anymore, then I must be doing really bad.

Favourite instrument: the saxophone. In my teens I played the alto-sax and now it's collecting dust in a corner of my room. But you just gotta love the sax's unmatched versatility: it can make you dance, it can make you cry, it can make you horny, the full range of human emotions.

Asthetic: comfy, casual, bright smiles. Quite classic and basic, I guess. Sometimes with a maritime or botanical touch if that makes sense.

Favourite author: I really like Carlos Ruiz Zafón's writing style. Also Naomi Alderman.

Favourite animal noise: the cawing of the crows that we regularly feed peanuts out of our window. It's them telling us we're here and we're hungry and obviously we run at their command

Random: my nails are currently painted black with a glitter top coat. Buttercup brought all his polishes and wanted me to try. Looks cool, but doesn't feel like me, as I usually only wear red

I would like to tag only @tambourineophelia @jentlemansreturn @sweetbibabe and am wishing I could tag Siavash. Instead I'll just think fondly of him and the Iranian revolutionaries and wish for their freedom and wellbeing ❤️

[icefire149]

Megstiel cause you are making me think about it more and with the #1 prompt please <3

It's HERE!!! I really hope you enjoy this, because I had a blast writing. <3333333333

#1 “Why do you have to look at me like that? It’s making me weak, please stop.” - Meg/Castiel

“How long do you think dumb and dumber are gonna be?” Meg asked pointing in the direction the brothers went with her thumb.

Cas’ eyebrows pinched together in initial confusion before process of elimination logically brought him to what the demon was referring to. Roughly.

Sighing, Meg crossed her arms as she leaned against the side of the impala. “We really need to prioritize your movie education.”

“Oh.” The lines in his face smoothed out. “So this isn’t about Sam and Dean?”

An amused grin curved on Meg’s face. “Well, I’m glad you at least got the gist. And yeah, I was talking about those two.”

“Not too long,” Cas answered, letting his eyes wander over to the convenience store window. The corner of his mouth moved an uptick the second his stare found Dean tossing something small in Sam’s direction. “Now was a good time for a supply run. We don’t know if Crowley will be waiting in front or behind us.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “I’d rather get in and get out as quickly as possible.” She paused and then considered, “Though, I wouldn’t mind rubbing the tablet in Crowley’s face.”

“It would be most beneficial if we didn’t cross paths with him at all tonight.” The command lessened in his tone as Cas shifted his gaze back to her.

She quirked an eyebrow. “Are we suddenly pacifists now?” Her arms fell back to her sides, exasperated. “Again!” And then, Meg felt like she was burning.

An intensity ignited in Cas’ eyes as he trailed over every speckle of blood and bruise that was visible on her skin. He curled his fingers gently around her wrist and raised it closer to his eye level, studying the gauze. Slowly, he looked up through his lashes. “Yes.”

A strangled gasp slipped from Meg’s mouth, but Cas didn’t acknowledge it as he glanced back to her wrist, worrying about his handiwork.

“I asked Dean to buy more bandages,” he confessed. “I hope he remembers. This will need to be rewrapped later.”

Her lips trembled at the timbre of his voice. “Why do you have to look at me like that?”

“Like what?” Cas raised a coy eyebrow.

“Knock it off,” she bit, but Meg had yet to pull her hand out of his light grip. “Like I’m something fragile….something worth..preserving.” Her voice fell to a hushed whisper by the final word.

The intensity in Cas’ gaze softened. He stepped forward, and heartbeat by heartbeat, she eased into the warmth of his presence.

“It’s making me weak, please stop,” Meg breathed. “I can’t...”

“It’s your vulnerability to give. When you choose it.” A small, genuine smile grew on his face. “But regardless, I do think you’re worth preserving.”

She stared at him a moment, digesting his words. It wasn’t that long ago that Meg would’ve found this situation sickening. Feelings were cheap manipulation, but….that wasn’t what was happening here. And….that revelation was leaving her almost dumbstruck.

The corner of Cas’ smile hooked playfully as it grew some more, and Meg knew that she’d been transparent. “Oh?” Meg lifted her chin higher and moved a fraction closer. “I didn’t take you as the bleeding heart type when your head is screwed on right.”

-

The increase of warmth prickling his skin was the last thing Cas perceived before he was suddenly elsewhere. He blinked. His hand was empty.

“Castiel.”

His gaze snapped to the source of the sound immediately. “Naomi.” He didn’t know how he knew that or why her displeased look made his wings itch to uncurl.

“I thought we were just using the vile blight to find the angel tablet.”

And then, the truth flashed before his eyes. Ah. He could feel the hooks buried deep in the core of his being. Tethering him to this place. His gaze narrowed.

“Is that no longer the case?” Naomi asked, lacing her fingers together and placing them on the desk in front of her.

“We are.”

Cas’ words hung in the air for several moments while Naomi stared back at him. And then, she smiled. “I don’t believe you.”

-

The smirk on Meg’s face wavered as Cas didn’t react right away. “Heh, did I hit a nerve, Casanova?”

But, Cas’ blue eyes grew vacant as the moment ticked on by. The fingers curled around her wrist let go, and his hand fell limply at his side.

“Hey!” Meg yelled, fear sharp in her voice. She snapped her fingers in his face. “Earth to Clarence.”

A thick bead of blood formed in the corner of Cas’ eye and then started smearing down his cheek.

-

Naomi sighed, stepping away from the chair Castiel was strapped down to. “I can’t believe I almost forgot about the demon.” Her fingertips were stained with the spatter of blood. “Your behavior today is making more sense. Disgusting.”

Cas followed her movements throughout the room with the eye she didn’t violate in her rummaging through his memories. He swallowed thickly.

“When I restored you to working order after purgatory, I severed those emotional ties. But it seems I didn’t cut nearly deep enough.” Naomi pivoted on her heel. “First the hunter, and now this demon,” She snarled. “What is wrong with you that you’d rather drop to your knees and worship at the feet of recrement.”

“It’s irrelevant to our mission,” Cas said, hoping to redirect her train of thought. “You’re wasting time. We need to find that tablet. Now.”

Naomi crossed her arms. “And what do you suggest?”

“Let me go-”

She laughed, and shook her head incredulously.

“-and we can resume this conversation once I retrieve the tablet. Heaven and the mission comes first.”

They stared at each other in silence until finally Naomi gave her answer, “Fine.” She crossed back over to the chair, and picked up her drill once more. “But after I make a few improvements.”

-

Without a second thought, Meg barreled into the angel. Her hands latched onto both sides of his face, but he still didn’t react at all. She stared into his eyes, looking for any spark of life. He felt like solid stone under her touch. “Castiel!”

And in a blink-you-would’ve-missed-it moment, there was a flash of light. That’s all the hope she needed. Meg pulled his face to hers, silently begging that he wouldn’t collapse like a stack of bricks, and kissed him.

Weakly, he pressed into her lips and Meg pulled back. “What the fuck was that? Where did you-” Her rage died down just as quick as it flared.

Gradually, Cas raised his hands to cover over hers on his face. He woozily shifted his weight on his feet. More blood, so much more, gushed from his eye. “Mm-meg?”

A nervous chuckle pried her mouth into a tiny smile. “Hey, I’m right here. Try not to go fluttering off again.”

“I-” Cas squished his eyes shut as he focused. “Someone in Heaven is….hur-hurting mm...me.” His hands slid forward down her wrists and then up her arms. It was there that he paused and curled his fingers around her like a lifeline.

“I need to know who I’m plucking and roasting on a spit. Give me a name.” She searched his face for any kind of clue, but there was nothing other than the answer trapped in his throat.

Meg glanced back over towards the store. She couldn’t see the Winchesters, but she knew they’d be out any minute now. Gritting her teeth, it wasn’t soon enough.

“Is it still happening now?” Meg asked, turning back to the angel. She felt like an idiot as a new pulse of blood gushed from his eye as he nodded.

-

“If you weren’t the most headache inducing light, you’d actually be fascinating.” Naomi frowned, ignoring the screams below her. “My work is easier conceptualized as a sculpting craft. Shaping and carving….it’s so much more hands on.” Her gaze slid to the drill in her hand.

As an extension of her will, she dug deep into Castiel’s memory. His light was spun into complex webs of memories. Every taut string, if plucked was thunderous with emotion.

“And it’s fitting. Like our father at his workbench, I make angels.” A fond smile tugged at her lips as she severed a chord here and loosened another there. “But that’s not accurate. Angels are so different from carbon based life. It’s much more like tuning a stubborn instrument, but when I’m done Heaven is harmonious once again.”

The next section she reached for soured her mood. “I know I fixed this. You keep doing this Castiel.” Naomi shook her head. “How do you keep finding ways to bridge new pathways to these areas, again and again?”

-

“I...don’t know-” Cas opened his eyes. The right was so sticky with blood. “-h-how long until….or if I’ll even re-remember this.” His grip on Meg’s arms loosened some.

“Okay,” Meg answered. Her mind hadn’t stopped trying to think of solutions, but she was at a loss. How do you strategize for this? What even-

And then, Castiel flopped forward. He bowed his head, sinking into the space between her shoulder and neck.

Meg’s eye twitched as she fought against the smile her mouth desperately wanted to curl into. How did her life reach this level of insanity? She was long past her threshold of touchy-feely stuff, and yet, her traitorous hands were already comforting him. One was planted on his back and the other was softly carding through his hair. A part of her wanted to laugh at the ridiculous sight they must’ve made.

“Mm-my head feels scra-ammbled.”

And his quiet mumble knocked a laugh out of her. Meg’s fingers curled tightly in his hair. “You look like it...although I think your egg is a bit runny.” His body trembled under her fingertips. “And before you ask, yes, that was a joke.”

“I feel like...I-I could almost put myself back together…..she’s ru-rushing-”

“Clarence, spit a name out.”

“-bubut it’s li-like the pieces are….just ou-out of reach.”

“We can’t help without the name. Think!”

Cas shifted his head so his cheek was firmly pressed against her. He spoke in a quiet voice, “I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

That was the last thing on Meg’s mind. His admission was paralyzing as was his breath against her skin. The heat sent a shiver down her spine.

“I’m sorry,” he confessed again.

The angel’s lips were only a fraction away from her neck. It was agonizing. “So, what’s the game plan?” Her voice came out strained. Meg needed to focus.

“Find the….the tablet and..figure out the re-rest when we gget there.”

Other fics from this round of prompts

Previous round of prompts

[wellhalesbells]

✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship?  yes, that.  below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back.  it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’  it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying.  i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did.  this was a fucking ROMP, period.  reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community.  mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it.  both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good.  it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly.  it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD!  why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there.  ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2?  raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af.  like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution??  i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?!  a princess winning her own hand?  find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow.  the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat!  p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow.  she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step.  i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling.  it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af.  crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver???  and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it.  such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing.  every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them.  what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada -  this made my heart hurt so damn much.  what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often??  the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow.  i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is.  the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan.  like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever.  i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people?  so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?).  this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun.  they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements.  i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole.  season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?!  it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

[drvconiis]

        ──    *     𝑯 𝑬 𝒀   𝑨 𝑳 𝑬 𝑿 𝑨   𝑷 𝑳 𝑨 𝒀   𝑰   𝑺 𝑯 𝑨 𝑳 𝑳   𝑹 𝑰 𝑺 𝑬   𝑩 𝒀  𝑲 𝑨 𝑹 𝑬 𝑵   𝑶    .       here  is  intro  two  out  of  two  and  boi  am  excited  to  play  this  girl  cause  as  a  child  that  grew  up  around  uncharted  and  tomb  raider  ,  she  fucking  takes  the  cake  .  without  further  ado  ,  archer blythe weston  ‘erebody  .  let’s  get  this  shit  show  on  the  road  !

potential  triggers  :  death  ,  neglect  ,  fraud   .

         ▫     ◟     𝑨 𝑹 𝑪 𝑯 𝑬 𝑹   𝑩 𝑳 𝒀 𝑻 𝑯 𝑬   𝑾 𝑬 𝑺 𝑻 𝑶 𝑵    ──     𝑡𝘩𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑐𝑡  

abstract .

ʻ   /   let  me  introduce  you  to  a  prized  member  of  our   women’s soccer team & sailing   ,   archer blythe weston .  this   cis female  sagittarius   has  been  a  student  at  our  institution for   two weeks  and  is  currently  a  23  year  old   freshman .   through  the  halls ,   she  has   always  reminded  me  of   naomi scott  ,   but  there  is  always  more  than  meets  the  eye ,   like  the  fact  that  she’s involved in the illegal artifact trade business .  coral  cape  has  made  their  future  just  as  bright  as  their  smile ,   i  assure  you .  ʼ

memoir .

    ❭      ──     blythe  was  born  with  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒊𝒏  𝒉𝒆𝒓  𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔  ,  the  only  ‘  known  ’  offspring  of  weston  patriarch  .  the  young  heiress  was  everything  her  father  didn’t  want  her  to  become  since  she  could  walk  ,  she  climbed  the  cabinets  ,  she  dug  in  the  garden  and  she  spoke  with  an  affinity  for  the  unbelievable  .  from  a  young  age  ,  she  ran  with  stars  in  her  eyes  and  the  𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆  𝒐𝒇  𝒂𝒅𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆  coursing  through  her  veins  ,  she  didn’t  stay  quiet  when  school  yard  bullies  tugged  her  braids  and  she  packed  a  mean  punch  .  her  mother  had  always  told  her  she  was  meant  to  be  more  than  what  her  father  wanted  her  to  become  .

   ❭      ──     her  mother  had  told  her  that  there  was  a  𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒚  𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉  𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔  𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔  ,  blythe  discovered  that  the  biggest  mystery  was  her  mother  on  the  evening  of  a  cold  december  night  and  her  father  yelling  profanities  .  her  mother  was  gone  .  archer  blythe  𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅  𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉  ,  she  understood  that  people  used  the  word  gone  as  some  sort  of  understanding  that  their  physical  being  of  one’s  soul  had  left  the  plains  of  the  earth  but  it  was  different  with  her  mother’s  case  .  elara  weston  was  missing  .  she  boarded  a  plane  ,  she  arrived  in  england  ,  she  went  to  her  meeting  then  without  a  trace  she  was  gone  and  all  her  grandfather  got  was  a  note  ,  to  presume  her  gone  if  she  didn’t  return  within  a  week  .

  ❭      ──     something  died  in  blythe  the  moment  her  mother  went  missing  ;  her  mother  used  to  call  her  arcangela  ,  she  would  explain  it  with  soft  words  that  she  was  an  𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍  𝒂𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕  𝒂𝒍𝒍  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔  in  the  sky  .  without  her  mother  ,  she  never  wanted  to  hear  her  first  name  .  blythe  weston  was  different  than  the  person  she  used  to  be  .  her  and  her  father  𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕  𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉  𝒐𝒏𝒆  𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓  ,  they  didn’t  laugh  together  like  when  she  was  a  child  and  her  mother  got  her  father  to  dance  at  that  cheesy  song  on  the  radio  ,  they  didn’t  talk  like  when  she  was  a  child  and  she  mother  combed  out  the  knots  of  her  messy  hair  and  her  father  asked  about  her  adventures  of  the  day  ,  they  didn’t  eat  together  like  when  her  mother  would  whisk  around  the  house  searching  for  them  so  they  could  sit  together  ,  as  a  family  .  instead  ,  they  studied  one  another  ,  they  searched  each  other  for  their  next  move  and  suddenly  ,  𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚  𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒔  in  the  neutral  territory  of  their  sitting  room  for  the  next  eight  years  .

 ❭      ──     even  eight  years  after  her  disappearance  ,  elara  weston  was  still  a  beautiful  mystery  .  the  pieces  never  meshed  ,  the  puzzle  was  never  solved  and  it  all  ended  with  a  package  for  blythe  ,  𝒂  𝒇𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒚  𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈  ,  her  mother’s  family  ring  and  a  note  that  set  off  the  next  part  of  events  .  within  the  next  24  hours  ,  elara  weston  was  officially  dead  ,  no  body  was  found  but  the  clues  had  indicated  so  .  she  graduated  high  school  with  a  cloud  over  her  head  and  spends  her  first  day  as  a  graduate  in  the  rainy  countryside  of  england  ,  dressed  in  black  and  her  grandfather’s  solemn  look  in  his  eyes  .  they  all  knew  why  ;  they  urn  they  all  cried  over  was  empty  .  her  father  leaves  promptly  after  the  services  but  she  decides  to  stay  and  she  takes  a  chapter  out  of  her  mother’s  book  :  𝒔𝒉𝒆  𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒔  𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇  .

❭      ──     the  varadkar  family  was  as  typical  as  they  came  on  paper  ,  a  family  who  swam  in  riches  far  before  they  immigrated  to  europe  ,  a  family  of  spirituality  and  mystery  that  surpassed  their  late  daughter  ,  elara  .  varadkar  holdings.  liked  owning  companies  but  there  were  secrets  beyond  the  formality  of  it  and  it  was  an  aspect  the  blythe  soon  learns  after  her  mother’s  death  .  𝒊𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆  .  her  mother  had  left  her  everything  in  her  possession  ,  and  her  mother  gave  her  the  key  to  unlock  the  whole  mystery  of  her  .  it’s  starts  as  clues  and  pieces  ,  it  continues  with  her  mother’s  research  and  it  stops  at  the  last  entry  of  her  mother’s  journal  .  blythe  weston’s  mother  was  a  simple  art  dealer  ,  she  handled  many  companies  with  her  families  company  that  tied  to  museums  and  rich  aristocrats  looking  to  buy  priceless  art  .  her  world  hits  a  new  reality  when  she  realizes  just  exactly  what  her  mother  did  .  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒚  𝒘𝒂𝒔  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒄𝒐𝒏  .  she  didn’t  just  sell  art  ,  she  in  fact  sold  and  forged  art  and  artifacts  without  being  caught  .  

❭      ──    archer  blythe  weston  knew  she  wasn’t  meant  for  𝒐𝒓𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒓𝒚  ,  at  the  young  age  of  eighteen  she  learnt  and  continued  her  mother’s  job  .  she  researched  ,  she  travelled  and  she  hunted  down  exactly  what  she  was  looking  for  .  she  studied  ,  she  examined  and  she  played  the  part  .  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒍  .  a  name  fore  her  and  her  pieces  amongst  the  black  market  and  affluent  customers  that  had  money  to  spend  .  she  lives  this  life  of  adrenaline  ,  awe  and  mystery  for  five  years  before  her  father  comes  barrelling  back  into  her  life  with  an  ultimatum  .  she  return  to  the  states  and  finish  her  education  or  she  loses  everything  .    𝒊𝒏𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆    .    she  knew  that  money  didn’t  bring  happiness  but  it  allowed  her  to  do  what  she  pleased  and  she  wasn’t  willing  to  let  go  just  yet  and  she  happened  to  know  that  new  customers  are  found  anywhere  .

temperament .

         ♡       +       spiritual          ♡       -        greedy          ♡       +       adventurous          ♡       -        stubborn          ♡       +       persuasive          ♡       -        cunning

muse .

         ──     ▫     lara  croft          ──     ▫     indiana  jones          ──     ▫     lauren  monroe          ──     ▫     isabel  reyes          ──     ▫     violet  baudelaire          ──     ▫     lexy  gold

current connections .

tba.

wanted connection .

        ──     ▫     𝚂 𝙲 𝙾 𝙾 𝙱 𝚈 - 𝙳 𝙾 𝙾        ❭        this  one  is  for  the  squad  ,  give  me  a  squad  of  complete  nerds  .  give  me  a  group  of  people  who  believe  myths  ,  ghosts  or  honestly  oppose  of  it  .  legit  cape  corals  own  mystery  inc  with  highkey  buzzfeed  unsolved  vibes  .                                            ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     four muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝚂 𝙷 𝙰 𝙶 𝙶 𝚈   𝚁 𝙾 𝙶 𝙴 𝚁 𝚂        ❭        they  used  to  spend  every  second  together  ,  laying  under  the  sun  with  dirt  under  their  nails  and  every  adventure  in  their  mind  .  they  were  best  friends  since  they  were  kids  ,  they  aren’t  as  close  anymore  because  they  lead  different  lives  but  they  still  respect  one  another  from  a  distance  .                                           ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝙵 𝚁 𝙴 𝙳   𝙹 𝙾 𝙽 𝙴 𝚂        ❭        they  didn’t  make  sense  but  for  a  good  part  of  each  other’s  lives  they  were  the  endgame  ,  so  high  on  love  and  everything  it  had  to  offer  except  it  was  anything  but  perfect  .  they  fought  ,  they  screamed  ,  they  cried  and  they  broke  up  and  got  back  together  then  the  cycle  started  up  again  .                                             ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝙳 𝙰 𝙿 𝙷 𝙽 𝙴   𝙱 𝙻 𝙰 𝙺 𝙴        ❭        this  was  an  innocent  love  ,  it  was  something  that  could  have  been  .  they  were  a  part  of  her  life  before  she  left  the  country  ,  before  the  death  of  her  mother  and  their  big  what  if  was  what  if  she  never  left  ,  what  if  she  didn’t  receive  the  news  of  her  mother’s  death  .  there  were  feelings  ,  confusing  one  that  even  five  years  later  archer  still  deals  with  but  the  her  maybe  it’s  far  too  late  .                                           ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝚅 𝙴 𝙻 𝙼 𝙰   𝙳 𝙸 𝙽 𝙺 𝙻 𝙴 𝚈        ❭        their  fate  was  written  in  the  stars  whether  it  to  be  friends  or  lovers  ,  they  are  still  in  a  messy  area  about  that  .  fate  had  a  play  in  all  their  meetings  because  somehow  even  prior  to  cape  coral  they  had  met  briefly  ,  saw  each  other  for  a  moment  all  those  years  before  and  it  repeated  it’s  cycle  .  they  say  not  to  mess  with  fate  even  if  it  looks  like  the  stars  wrote  you  as  ships  in  the  night  .                                          ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

       ──     ▫     𝚂 𝙲 𝚁 𝙰 𝙿 𝙿 𝚈 - 𝙳 𝙾 𝙾        ❭        it  perhaps  started  in  the  younger  years  ,  archer  was  an  odd  ball  to  begin  with  and  the  other  more  likely  conformed  to  be  part  of  the  in  crowd  .  she  was  prone  to  getting  picked  on  but  that  never  made  her  stop  being  who  she  was  and  let’s  be  honest  ,  she  got  into  more  physical  fights  than  one  really  needed  to  .                                          ❭    ❭    ❭     taken by none .     ▫     one muse(s) open

[shadow-of-a-whisper]

The Sentinel (series) Ficlet, Rated: M

Naomi waited until her son's mug of chamomile tea was half empty by her estimate, and most of the tense lines around his eyes had smoothed out. Then she pounced. "Blair sweetie, what's going on with you? And don't tell me it's nothing. Even Jim has noticed, and we both know how... unobservant he can be sometimes." That was rich, coming from her, but Blair didn't point that out. She was right, Jim had been side-eyeing him with concern for days. The man wasn't as subtle as he liked to think he was. Still, Blair just shook his head. "It's not something anyone can help with. I just need to figure some stuff out by myself. You wouldn't get it." Naomi huffed and drew herself up to her full height. Damn, he should've seen that coming. He really was slipping. "Try me. Even if I can't help, I can still listen. You need to get this off your chest, it's obviously eating you alive." Blair ran his fingers roughly through his wild curls in frustration. "I'm in love with someone, okay? I love him, and he's straight. I'm a fucking idiot, is that what you wanted to hear?" Naomi's jaw dropped, but Blair didn't stop. Now that it had started, it was all pouring out. "You never wanted to be tied down to one person or one place, and I get that. You never met anyone you wanted to stay for, despite it all. Someone who made staying feel like it was a gift, not a sacrifice. Good for you. But that's not what I want for my own life. I want stability, and connection, and happily ever after. I want that more than anything. So it doesn't matter if he doesn't love me the same way I love him, that he can't love me that way. Just being by his side is enough. It has to be." Naomi was already shaking her head, clearly flabbergasted. "What does Jim have to say about all of this? Does he know this guy?" Blair stared at her blank-faced, and waited for the penny to drop. After a few moments of honest bewilderment, her eyes slowly grew to the size of saucers. "Oh!" "Yeah Mom, 'Oh'. That pretty much sums it up. I haven't even dated any guys since before I met him." He didn't tell her that he'd figured Jim might be able to smell them on him or something. Turns out, he would've been right about that. "At first I just didn't know how he'd take it. By the time I realised that he'd be fine with me being bi, it felt like it was too late to bring it up. It's not like that would've made any difference. He's never looked at me like that. I don't think the idea has ever even crossed his mind." On the other side of the loft's front door, groceries in one hand and some mail in the other, Jim remembered the occasional whispers he'd overheard at the station. Uniforms gossiping about Blair, speculating about whether or not he was gay. Using words far less kind than that. Jim had glared them down when he could. He didn't care what Blair might or might not be, that was his own business, but those bigots didn't get to talk about his partner like that. Naomi's voice was achingly soft when she spoke again. "Baby, why would you do this to yourself? It just isn't healthy." Blair's smile didn't reach his watery eyes. "He's worth it. He's worth everything, every bit of pain and sacrifice, and so much more. He's strong, kind, beautiful. I'm not blind, I know he's an imperfect asshole, but that works out because I'm one too. We all make mistakes. He's suffered so much pain and loss, and he still lights up the world just by being in it. Sometimes I look at him, and I just want to tell him, show him how I see him, because I know he struggles to see that in himself. I want to make love to him, because he deserves to be loved. I don't know how anybody can fail to love him. I want to give him reasons to smile, to keep glowing like he does. I want to light him up every day for the rest of our lives. I can't walk away from that Naomi, I just can't. I'm strong enough to live with this pain, I'm not strong enough to live without him." Naomi set her jaw in a hard line, as outside the door Jim slid boneless down the wall, parcels forgotten. God, he'd been so blind. Blair's distress, something he'd been catching flashes of here and there for the last several weeks, was so visceral right now that he could feel it buffeting him all the way from the hall. A hummingbird heartbeat, accompanied by the rasps of harsh and shallow breaths, fulled his ears. The hint of salt from the beginnings of a cold sweat, along with the indefinable scents of misery and slight panic, flooded his nose. The cacophony of sensations washed over him with all the force of a crashing wave. Blair's emotions had always been a bit... louder, for lack of a better word, than other people's. To him, at least. But they'd never been anything quite like this. Distantly, his ears ringing a little, he heard Naomi start talking again. "Blair, you deserve that kind of love too. If you walk away now, you can always hold onto your golden memories of Jim, and pretend that he might have loved you back someday. If you stay and wait until he finds out, until he throws you out of the loft again, it'll break your heart. I honestly don't know if you would ever recover from that. Please baby, let me help you pack your things." The door slammed open, bouncing off the wall with a reverberating thud, as Jim stalked over to where they were sitting. Without saying a word, face expressionless, Jim pulled Naomi up over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. Before she could do more than let out a startled bleat, he'd dumped her on the threshold with the abandoned groceries and slammed the door in her face. Nobody was packing a goddamn thing. He slid the recently installed deadbolt home, just in case. He went back to the sofa where Blair had just made it to his feet, his face pale and drawn. Jim wanted to die for ever putting that look on his Guide's face. Naomi didn't have a Goddamn clue what she was talking about. Of course Jim was in love with Blair too, *of course* he was. Oh. Ooooooooooooooh. Huh. Well, that was a surprise. In hindsight, it really shouldn't be. Some Cop Of The Year he was. Actually, it probably explained a lot. It definitely explained the way his heart was pounding, his veins filled with adrenaline at the thought of Blair slipping through his fingers. Blair let out a small, uncertain "Jim...", eyes lowered in mortification. That wouldn't do at all. Jim lifted a gentle hand to Blair's jaw, his midday shadow barely perceptible even to his sensitive touch, and encouraged Blair's face to turn to him. He was shit with words, but he tried to let everything he was feeling shine from his eyes. Whatever he saw there, Blair slowly went slack and open with wonder. Jim's breath left him in a quiet rush, as he let go and followed his instincts the way he only ever did with Blair there to Guide him. His eyes fluttered nearly shut as he leaned close, brushing his nose to Blair's cheek as he breathed him in. His senses were flooded with Blair's unique scent, mingled with the faint hints of 'unscented' shampoo and soap, the mild herbal scent of chamomile tea and the honey Blair had sweetened it with. The combination was heady and soothing all at once, the headache Jim had been sporting for half the day fading almost instantly to a barely-there throb. That was nothing compared to the tightness he felt in his chest as his lips gave chase, Blair's rising timidly to meet them. He kept it soft and chaste to start with, a little hesitant himself, uncertain how he'd feel about this new thing he was trying. He needn't have worried. The taste of Blair, added to his enticing scent, and the somehow unexpected scratch of the hint of stubble, punched the remaining breath from him in a shocked groan. He pressed his mouth hard to Blair's as heat shot to his groin. Blair whimpered, his lips falling open in response without thought or hesitation, his body pressing as close as it could get from the knees up. As if that had broken the spell somehow, Blair jerked back. "Jim, man, you have to be sure. I can't do this if you're not totally sure." Jim rested his forehead against Blair's, not ready to lose that precious closeness yet. "I want this, Chief. I have no idea what I'm doing here, but I know that I want to be doing it with you." Blair trembled with temptation, but he had to be strong. He couldn't afford to be careless with this. "And when you wake up tomorrow, with me in your bed, both of us naked? When it hits you, what you've done, and what it could mean for you? What then, Jim? I need you to really think about this. Think about who we work with, about your family. If we do this, I'm not gonna be able to hide it anymore, I wouldn't want to either. You know what that'll mean? Forget discrimination and unreliable back-up, we'd be breaking fraternization rules. Simon would have no choice but to separate us. We can't ask him to risk his career and IA's wrath for us. How long do you think you'll last before you zone or spike at the wrong moment, and people get killed? Even if you somehow survived that, you'd never forgive yourself." It was true, every word of it, and it was a hell of a lot. It was obvious that Blair had been thinking about it for a long time, Jim had some serious catching up to do. But he knew one thing clearly. "We'll figure it out like we always do, together. If we can't stay on the force, then we'll both go. I know that you mostly only joined for my sake. Yeah, you enjoy the work, but you still hate the violence of it. You're never gonna be happy about pointing a gun at someone, even for me." Jim wasn't wrong about that, but it wasn't the whole story either. "Jim, I could've worked things out at Rainier if I'd really wanted to. Edwards didn't have a leg to stand on when she ran me off like that, and my friends there all knew it. Academia had been losing its shine for me for a long time by then, the politics of it all. It just wasn't fulfilling anymore, not the way working with you is. What you said to me at the hospital about being a good cop, and offering me that badge, it meant the world to me. That you trust me to watch your back as your permanent partner, just blows me away." Jim acknowledged those words with another soft kiss before responding. "I do trust you Chief. That's why I don't want you at my back for the rest of our lives." He held on tight when Blair tried to pull away. "I want you at my side instead, where you belong. Between my skills and your smarts, we've got options. We'll find one that works for both of us, where we can be the team we're supposed to be, and still help people. One that doesn't have us both dodging bullets every other day. It's not like I'm gonna be young enough to pull that off forever." Blair's knees went weak, Jim's firm grip on his lower back and the base of his skull the only thing keeping him standing. "You'd do that for me?" Jim shook his head once, slowly. "I'd do that for *us*. Just like you would, like you did with that press conference of yours. You're not the only one who can pull off a grand gesture, Chief. Maybe Eli can find a spot for you on his next expedition, and I can finally take a turn following you around for a bit. I could be their security detail." Blair searched his face, but found only honest sincerity there. His love for the man in front of him, always a warm flame in the hearth of his soul, blazed through him in a rush of desire. His mouth crashed hungrily against Jim's without conscious thought, almost reflexively. Jim's body welcomed him back, pulling them tightly together again, legs tangling with each other. Somehow, that still wasn't close enough. When he pulled back, this time he pulled Jim with him. Jim followed him without question, like he always did, not caring where they were going. As long as it had a flat surface, even if that was just a bare bit of floor, then it would do.

[rheesus]

corpse party! — richie tozier (two)

pairing: richie tozier x reader

warnings: panic attacks, mentions of murder, gore, horror, occult and paranormal happenings

— part two of ?

( see part one )

i wont do all 5 chapters since chapter one is entirely based on seiko and naomi who are beverly and eleven sooo yeah! if you want to know what would happen to them and you don’t know the story of corpse party well, watch a gameplay or something laksjshddh 

something soft and wet had landed on y/n's cheek as she laid unaware of her surroundings. whatever was running down her face like tear drops seemed to have woken the class representative up. her e/c eyes batted opened and met to the view of a ceiling that had a clear whole through both the top of the building and the floor between that and the floor she laid on, next to that was a broken light fixture, flickering intensely with its last life.

"so, you're one of the new victims, huh?" an unfamiliar make voice echoed from behind her. the voice alone sent a wave of chills throughout her entire body as she turned and let out a ear piercing scream, she scrambled away, looking up at a boy no older than 17 - the lower part of his body seemed to sway like flames but his whole being had a blue ethereal glow to it.

from out in the hallway she could easily hear two voices calling her name in worry; richie and ms byers. if not for the boy in front of her, she would've smiled at this revealation. the boy's eyes seemed to wander in the direction of their voices and he gave a bittersweet smile.

"wow, stuck in the same space with not one, but two people you know? you're lucky." 

"w-w-" 

"that luck wont last long, i mean - look what happened to me!" the boy had laughed but not in a way that emitted happiness or amusement. his eyes now wandered to the floor, where a pile of bones and some ripped clothing laid.

“what do you mean?” the teen girl boldly said, though her thoughts didn’t match her tone. the ghost just shrugged. 

“you’ve been dragged here against your will. it looks like an abandoned school but it’s hell. you’ll either die horribly or eventually, you’ll kill your friends and die horribly. no matter what, it’s just pain twenty-four fuckin seven.”

 y/n had gulped down her fear in hopes to ask more before something came barrelling through the door and the ghost had fled at the sight and sound.

richie tozier and their beloved ms. byers. 

the first thing that happened upon seeing each other was the tears and smiles of relief before ms byers wrapped the class rep in a tight embrace, richie had squatted down next to her. his grin only widened when she turned to playfully glare at him.

"of all our friends i could be stuck with and i get stuck with you?" the boy rolled his eyes and ms byers had chuckled.

“if you ask me, richie was more worried out of—”

“anyways, it’s good you’re alive.” richie cut the lady off, smiling and ignoring the way his cheeks warmed up. y/n had smiled too, hugging ms. byers again. their happiness was, however, short-lived. the building had started to shake violently and a loud scream rang out through the building — one of filled with the pain and suffering. and who it belonged to was a familiar person to the three.

eleven hopper. 

the very thought that one of her classmates and friends were in danger made y/n’s stomach churn and her mind to run wild with negative thoughts. soon those thoughts became to overwhelming to the point where the teen girl couldn’t help but lose her breath. ms. byers could sense her distress and cupped her face in her hands, 

“y/n, focus on me. it was probably nothing,” she gave an encouraging smile, “probably the wind.”

“but you heard it, right? that was el. our el.” ms byers sighed. richie looked around the wrecked classroom, chewing on his lip nervously.

“ms byers, stay here with y/n and i’ll go look for eleven—”

“no! you stay here with y/n where it’s safe and i will find eleven.”

“stop it! no!” the two looked back at the h/c, her breathing was still erratic but she persisted in talking, “you can’t leave, i just found both of you.”

the kindly teacher had done nothing but give a genuine, sweet smile, “you’ll be fine. i’ll bring eleven back here safe and sound. promise.”

not allowing y/n or richie to protest, ms. byers had left the classroom. the two students stared at the door for what felt like hours. y/n had moved her head towards the corpse of the boy she had talked to. near his the bones of what used to be his hand was nearly touching a card of some sort. she crawled to it and took it into her possession. in fine black print were the words.

derry boys high school

steve harrington 

d.o.b.: 16 april 1996

grade 12 

y/n had let out a shaky breath before stashing the id card in her jacket pocket. she looked back to the door ms. byers had left from and mumbled words of hope under her breath.

please, be okay.

joyce byers had found herself in a classroom worse off than the one she left richie and y/n. one half of it was collapsed in, leaving nothing but a black abyss. she would’ve gone up the stairs but she could hear a wicked voice giggle in her head, “unwise to go upstairs, teacher.”

and so she stayed on the same floor. she had taken five steps in before a blue boy had appeared before her, a bored expression across his face. his mullet was a mess and he glowed. 

“teacher! you stopped cowering with the two in the other classroom, huh?”

she looked at the boy in annoyance. what did he mean by cowering? joyce bit her tongue and gulped, “i heard one of my student’s scream and i’ve set out to find her.”

“i see... regrettably,” he spoke lowly, “that won’t be possible. this school exists in a nexus where multiple dimensions overlap. it’s a single closed space in a sea of closed spaces. in other words, even though you may be in the same school as your screaming student, you and her occupy different dimensions... which means you two can never meet.”

“if one of you should die, perhaps your body... or spirit may move from one space to another... you can find a way of traversing the planes freely as they do,” ms. byers didn’t know why but the way the boy spoke the word they, sent a chill running down her back. the blue boy continued to talk to her, “consider this fair warning: even if you should find the exact spot from which your student’s screams emanated... she herself may not be there and if she’s not there’s not a thing you can do about.”

the boy spoke smugly but there was no indication in his expression that he meant to be. joyce’s eyes were filling up with tears of desperation, “but i heard her scream!”

“it is true other children have arrived here not long ago and by all appearances seem to be your students,” the boy shrugged, “but as i explained, time and space is fragmented here and it doesn’t behave like you assume — you say you heard a scream. that may have taken place a few minutes ago or perhaps in another space hours previous or maybe an echo from the future, who’s to say. or maybe with the phenomenon as it is; it’s possible two closed spaces can have some influence on each other.”

the young woman had clenched her teeth. this young boy was doing her head in. all she wanted was to find eleven and verify her safety, “it doesn’t matter! i can’t go on and ignore an antagonising scream like that! step aside!”

she charged at him and he disappeared. ms. byers had missed the glowering expression he gave her. she had looked around the room for any clues or hints that her student was near but to no avail. as she went to leave the classroom, a supernatural force pull her back in, slamming the door fast. materialising in front of her was the same boy she had just talked to except her glowed red with nothing but malice and hate in his lifeless eyes.

“step aside?! why don’t you fuck off!” his voice was now no longer monotone, but angry at her. the ground had started to shake once again. too focused on the earthquake, ms byers had failed to notice the shelf filled with cutting supplies slowly falling towards her body. the shelf itself was too heavy with the combined force of wat was pushing it down and so it caused her to topple too.

she felt the bones in her back all crack at once and her skin was being sliced. was it the scissors or the scalpels or the glass that was worse? she couldn’t tell it was all too painful to bear. the angry teen started to talk again, “in all the world, the most vile and untrustworthy are you schoolteachers. all you give a shit about is your own well-being! you’re not worried about your students! you’re just worried about being held responsible if something should happen to them!”

joyce couldn’t worry about his rant, only how much the weight was hurt her, “youre all the same... every single one of you! and i won’t be taken in by your lies!”

this caught her attention. taken in by lies? 

“when you see a problem among your kids, you just keep your distance because you sure wouldn’t want to get involved! have to keep up appearances, right? you just pick out the problem children and chip away at them until they drop out or get expelled! you’re not disciplining them — you’re just raging at them! there’s no teacher ever that’s actually cared about their students!” 

with what little energy she had, ms byers spoke up bravely, “-you’re... you’re wrong.” 

this angered him more and the weight on her back grew more heavier, she let out a yelp of pain as he continued raging, “all of your students are destined to starve to death here if they don’t succumb to this hellhole and kill everyone! it’s the only possible outcome. they’ll all die meaningless deaths like me! and they won’t be thinking of you when they take their final breaths i’ll even pass on a message as they die so — any last words?”

the woman used her energy to glare up at him menacingly, “d...don’t touch those children.”

the teen boy snorted than laughed maniacally like she’d said the most wicked joke, “come again.”

“spare my students... please don’t hurt them.” for some reason this angered him more and more, “please! i beg of you don’t harm a hair on their... goddamn... heads.”

her voice faded out but her thoughts didn’t. 

please please be safe, my sweet students.

  richie had finally stopped looking at the door to turn and look at y/n. minutes had passed and no sign of eleven or ms byers could be seen. y/n suddenly stood up, legs wobbling slightly but nonetheless she bravely stood, walking to the door.

“we have to go find ms. byers.” she mumbled. she soundly drained and tired.

“no way, ms. byers said stay here so—”

“we have to go find ms. byers!” her tone caused richie to flinch, “i just have a bad feeling... we gotta go search for ms. byers.” 

the boy sighed and shook his head.

“fucks sake, fine. but we leave a note for her. do you have pen and paper?” y/n produced a pen but shook her head without any paper. richie messily written a note on the teachers desk and sighed again, “alright lets get the fuck out of here.”

this was so long holy fuck-

anyways i finished writing this at 1am and i’ve scared myself writing so congrats! here’s chapter two! and if you want to be apart of the tag list, i ask or just like the post i made abt it or if i forgot you please tell me oksejhdhdhd

taglist — @dovageidys @the-internet-is-a-scary-place @schwankyblock @musicalsandbooks 

[brazenautomaton]

Now that Silent Partner, Unfinished Business is complete, it’s time for answers and trivia and commentary and other such spoilers under a readmore! Send me an ask if you have any other questions about stuff, or post it as an AO3 comment.

First, the chapter titles. Following the naming convention of 100 Bullets, each of them references or alludes to the chapter number that it is.

One Is The Lowliest Number - references “One Is The Loneliest Number” by Three Dog Night. 

Folie a Deux - “Folie a Deux” or “Madness of Two” is when people transmit psychiatric illness, delusions, or hallucinations through social connection.

Bad Company - references the phrase “Three’s company, four’s a crowd” - and “Bad Company”, by Bad Company, on the album Bad Company.

Forewarned is Foreboding - references the phrase “Forewarned is Forearmed”

Slaughterhouse - references “Slaughterhouse-Five” by Kurt Vonnegut

Six Degrees of Severance - references the concept of “Six Degrees Of Separation”, and the process of severing a connection.

Magnificent - references the classic Western “The Magnificent Seven”.

Termination Procedure - AKA “Termin8ion Procedure”, it’s the process you go through to end someone’s employment.

Never A Cloudy Day - September is the ninth month of the year, "September” by Earth Wind And Fire contains the lyric “Say do you remember / Dancing in September / Never was a cloudy day”.

Epilogue: Decision - Deci-, as in decimal, is the Latin prefix meaning ten or tenth. 

I wrote the first version of this story over 10 years ago. I wrote myself into a corner in Chapter 5, because the Yotsuba Kira was still Higuchi, and it lay untouched for a decade. Naomi could write fluently and at length, her relationship with Misa was way easier, everything else was way easier, and it honestly wasn’t that good. I think like 1/3rd of chapters 1 through 4 are made up of text from the old version?

The idea of this being a fix fic to bring back a character that the narrative shortchanged was not the first idea. The first idea was “100 Bullets and Death Note ask exactly the same question, what would you do if you could kill someone and get away with it. But they answer it in totally different ways. How could those two concepts meet? Well, who in Death Note was betrayed and would seek revenge? Naomi Misora is a good candidate. How do I bring her back to life in a way that doesn’t seem she got off scot free?”

The original version of the story had no hints about the Minutemen (or the Trust, L’s employers) because none of that stuff was in the 100 Bullets comic yet, or at least not the trade paperbacks I had access to. The Minutemen and the Trust are kind of lame, to be honest, and they kinda dilute the elements and stories that made 100 Bullets compelling, but they are a perfect match for all the unanswered questions about L that Ryuzaki vocalizes in chapter 6.

You probably noticed how everyone had to stammer and search for the word “aphasia”. Did you notice that Misa was the only one who ever correctly used the word, had it immediately called to mind, and wasn’t reading it off a piece of paper? She was thinking about that word a lot more than everyone else.

I don’t remember when I first started using the double-slash notation for written text, but I figured that calling out written text was extremely, extremely important in a story where written text is extremely, extremely important for multiple reasons. I don’t know if I’ll use it for anything else I write.

Light’s symbolic fruit is the apple, obviously. Naomi is seen drinking orange juice and eating orange-flavored things, because they are as dissimilar as apples and oranges. Misa -- stuck between them and unsure of whose identity she will adopt -- drinks a lot of spring water.

“Midland Carbide Labs” and “Amalgamated Flourodynamics” are the two opposing player teams in the Half-Life mod “Science and Industry”, where players abduct scientists from each other to research their weapons.

Beta reader @ellieintheskywithroxy is a qt3.14.

Misa did a photoshoot, as a Malkavian vampire schoolgirl, for White Wolf Publishing back in the day. She thinks that White Wolf owns vampires the same way the Tolkien estate owns hobbits, so any changes they make to their setting are Official Vampire Changes, and she was miffed they got rid of Masquerade. Depending on her mood she thinks Naomi is either a Brujah or a Toreador.

Light’s “decoy Kira” plan was going to explode if it ever got to the point where he commanded or tricked Kira-Y into giving up his memories -- Nabiki Egawa would remember everything and they’d figure out Kira’s deception real fast.

The fact that Light’s WoW character is a Holy Paladin who he did not earn but instead purchased illicitly is extremely intentional. He plays WoW instead of a made-up game because A: I can cite details and people will appreciate the deep pulls and B: if I made up my own online game with a character as completely braindead easy to play as a Holy Pally in Burning Crusade, to allow Light to type messages while playing, it would look like I was making up absurd nonsense to make things easy on the character.

Naomi’s reaction to the BB case mirrors my own. I honestly could not finish the light novel because I found the authorial voice so grating, and the combination of smugness with the complete lack of knowledge about how things work in the setting of the story (literally one of the first things in the narration is something along the lines of “Of course her superiors were demeaning her, she was a woman and Japanese and this was America and we don’t need to go into any more detail than that”) was infuriating. And in the story that is supposed to be Naomi’s time to shine, she accomplishes nothing, saves no one, may as well not have gotten out of bed, and the things we’re supposed to see as her being a genius are her ability to follow along the clues that she is being spoon-fed by the actual serial killer. Jesus, dude. I said this whole incident gave her an incredible sense of impostor syndrome and hatred for her job, because the rest of the world -- like the LN itself -- acts like she accomplished something when she clearly did not. 

Similarly, I changed the details of Misa’s confinement to make sense. On someone else’s post, someone asked if Misa was tortured -- the depiction of her treatment is so inconsistent and incoherent that this is impossible to answer in the canon. They say she was denied water for three days, but has none of the symptoms of it. They have her bound a to gurney apparatus that takes twenty minutes to set up, and let her out every single time she asks to pee, and somehow she never tries to escape. And of course she gets out after a month of not moving with no muscle atrophy. This version is supposed to be a coherent model of treatment that sits on the borderline, in a grey area -- it’s torture if it’s done to inflict pain, and not torture if it’s done out of a reasonable concern for safety. The Second Kira was the most dangerous human being on the planet Earth and they had no idea how she worked. Some of her confinement was obviously necessary for the sake of safety. But how much of it was, and for how long was it warranted?

Most of the new Death Note rules are introduced to set up things that happen later, answer niggling questions I had, or just flesh out the concepts introduced. But the rule about “Once your lifespan goes negative, if you try to update it again, it just flips the fuck out” is just so Naomi and Misa can’t know how much lifespan Rem gave them.

There was no good or natural time to show it, but the moment Misa heard about rule 38a, which says that you can only regain your memory of the Death Note six times, she figured out if it was possible to surrender a Death Note that wasn’t being actively haunted (it was), she just reclaimed and gave up an evidence sheet of //ARVC-5// five more times.

Ryuzaki has no idea where the pina coladas are coming from and at this point he is too afraid to ask.

[amsimaria]

Bittersweet

» Part two

She likes the sad eyes, bad guys Mouth full of white lies Kissing in the corridor But quick to tell her goodbye

Author: amsimaria Word count: 7,3K Feature: Jimin x Reader (mentions of other BTS members) Genre: Angst/Slight smut (Rated M) Warnings: Slight violence, Mentions of sexual acts, Punk Jimin, Depression, Swearing, Addiction, Soft drugs use, Smut, (Jimin’s a kind of a Jerk in this part).  

‘’Are you eating well? I will send your uncle to check on you if you keep ignoring my calls (Y/N), I’m serious.

‘’No mom, i’m fine.’’ You whine to your mother who’s on the other end of the phone line, while you’re kicking the refrigerator door shut with the backside of your heel.

‘’Alright, well let me know if you need anything ok? If you don’t feel good you can always call your uncle, he will immediately pick you up if something is wrong.’’

“Yes mom i will, don’t worry.’’ You promise, before saying a quick ‘’love you’’ and hanging up.

It had been 9 days since the night of the party and you couldn’t get yourself to stop thinking about the rush you felt kissing Jimin that night. You were so busy hating yourself these last couple of years, that you had almost forgotten how it felt to be loved, to be under someones touch, even if it was only for a brief moment in time. Deep down you knew Jimin’s interest in you was purely sexual, but even that was enough to make you feel like a proper teenage girl again. Although you felt alive for the first time in forever, you knew you had to stay away from Jimin. He practically had the word ‘’criminal’’ written on his forehead and you didn’t want to be involved with someone like that, or worse, to fall for his charms like one of his slutty booty calls and get thrown away like garbage.  

When you look at your phone after hanging up on your mom, you notice you’d received two messages from your friend.

[Naomi 20:11] Hey boo, Taehyung texted me, asking if i wanted to come to some fight match as his ‘’date’’ lol. I kinda want to go but not alone, you wanna come with?]

[Naomi 20:15] U there?]

[You 20:18] Hey, yeah. Uhh.. I don’t know that sounds kinda weird naom]

[You 20:18] Was on the phone with my mom]

[You 20:20] What kind of fight match? Like an illegal one or something?]

[Naomi 20:22] Dunno, he didn’t really get into detail, just something about a fight match]

[You 20:22] hmm.. I don’t know man, It all sounds a little underground-ish to me]

[Naomi 20:23] Don’t you want to see that guy again.. The one you told me about you’d kissed?]

Your breath hitches in the back of your throat when the image of Jimin’s face comes ghosting from your memory. Blinking a few times to lose the image and clear your head, you try to not let the memory distract you from your intuition and common sense.

[Naomi 20:25] Just come with me, it’ll be fun i promise :)))]

[Naomi 20:25] Fucking Josh posted a picture with some skank sitting in the passenger seat of his car on Facebook :s]

[Naomi 20:25] I’m so done with that asshole]

[20:28] You have 1 missed call from Naomi]

[You 20:31] Alright, when?]

[Naomi 20:32] Yayyy you won’t regret it :)))))]

[Naomi 20:32] Saturday 11 pm. We’ll pick you up from your home k?]

[You 20:33] K xx]

You didn’t feel good about this at all, and you knew it was a bad idea, but for some reason you really wanted to see Jimin again.

Two days later.

‘’Hurry up (Y/N), I told Taehyung we’d be down in 5 minutes.’’ Naomi huffs impatiently

‘’Yeah yeah, I’m coming Jesus’’ You reply, annoyed. ‘’Can’t I be the one that’s late for once?’’

After sliding on your grey coat, you flick the light switch and start locking your apartment door behind you. Once down, your eyes widen at the sight of the shiny and expensive looking big black Mercedes Benz in front of you.

‘’Get in!’’ Naomi yells, motioning her head to the backseat.

You hesitate for a second before sliding into backside.

‘’Nice.. Car..’’ You say while darting your eyes around.

‘’Thanks’’ Taehyung said, his voice deep and even.

‘’I didn’t expect.. a car like this from someone living in the same apartment building as Naomi’’

‘’(Y/N)!’’ Naomi shouts angrily, frowning at you from over her shoulder.

Taehyung chuckled. ’’Gotta keep a low profile, right?’’ He turns his head over his shoulder, and winks at you, curling one corner of his mouth into a devious smile before turning the steering wheel with one swift motion. Returning him with a sheepish smile, you nervously play with you fingers.

Silence fills the car for a few moments before Taehyung starts speaking again. ‘’So eh, you’re (Y/N) right?’’ He remarks, looking at you through his rear-view mirror. You nod. ‘’ One of my friends talked about you the other night’’

‘’Oh really, who?’’ You gulped, pretending like you had no clue who it could’ve been.

He stayed silent for a full 3 seconds before continuing.

‘’Yeah.. he uh, he said you two got pretty close at the party and that he wanted to get to know you a little better,’’

Being your skeptical self, you always found yourself filling things in for people before you even knew what they actually meant by what they said. You knew what he meant by ‘’He wants to get to know you a little better’’, Jimin wanted to fuck you, and you hated how boys like them always acted like they were genuinely interested when all they wanted was a quick fuck.

Your thoughts are then interrupted by Taehyung’s deep voice ‘’His name is Jungkook, but you probably don’t remember that.’’ He continued.

‘’But, you’ll see him at the match anyway.’’  

The name Jungkook made you instantly winch. Why wasn’t it Jimin who asked for you? You didn’t want Jungkook’s attention, he was a douche and he almost took advantage of you while you were in your drunken state. The last tiny bit of motivation you actually had for going to that match, had all suddenly vanished and you sunk into your seat feeling disappointed.

‘’I gotta swing by a friend to pick him up before we go to the match, k?’’ Taehyung announces absently.  

‘’Sure’’ Naomi nodded, her eyes sparkling with adoration.

Taehyung was intimidating, you felt like he could scare off a bear if he intended to. You didn’t like him. The last time you’d seen him, you were drunk, and you liked everyone while being in your drunk-state. You were fully aware that these guys were bad news, and you felt stupid for thinking someone like Jimin would be genuinely interested in you, and you mentally cursed yourself for letting your heartbroken friend talk you into something like this. Of course she didn’t notice his shady side, the guy was smooth and looked like a freaking model, it would only be a matter of time before he dumped her like a piece of shit like the last girl.

Pulling over, Taehyung commands you two to wait for him while he goes out to get his friend. Your eyes follow his steps while he walks over to the house on the opposite side of the street you were parked on.

‘’I really like him (Y/N).’’ Naomi said, her voice sounding buttery.

Not wanting to be the usual party pooper, you simply just smile at her in response.

A few minutes later you hear a noise, almost high pitched like that of a woman, coming from the house. And when you dart your eyes towards the front door of the house you see Taehyung making his way out, doing a lazy sprint back to the car.

‘’He’ll be out in a sec’’ Taehyung said, sounding a little out of breath and when you follow his movement with your eyes, you notice him sneaking his hands towards Naomi’s thigh.

Rolling your eyes at the sight, you turn your gaze back to the house. Almost 15 seconds later you notice the front door flying open and see a boy wearing a snapback getting out of the house followed by an older woman. You roll your window open in the hope that you would hear some off what they were saying.

‘’Hoseok-ssi, where are you going!??’’ The woman desperately yelled after him.

“Out’’ He calmly replied, putting his jacket on while holding a cigaret in between his lips.

“You will regret ruining your life when you’re the same age as me, Jung Hoseok!’’ The woman, who seemed to be his mother yelled out of breath. ‘’I refuse to wait in fear every night! Seeing my son come home with a beat up face every night, praying my son would come home alive and not end up dead like his father!,  Do you hear me!? I refuse to, Jung Hoseok!!’’ The woman yelled after him, her hands resting on her thighs from exhaustion.  

Poor woman, you thought. How bad could these boys live their lives? Yeah, you saw Jimin holding a gun in his hand the other night, but a lot of people owned a gun in the big city, you didn’t think much of it as he used it just as a threat. Was it perhaps the lack of knowledge about the ‘’underworld’’ that made you too naive to see you were with bad people? What if Jimin was some kind of mercenary.. You almost wanted to punch yourself in the face for getting into the car without thinking twice about this.

‘’aye, how u doing bro?’’ The boy said, opening the back door of the car and greeting Taehyung by slapping him on his shoulder like nothing happened.

You felt his eyes linger on you but you didn’t return his gaze and kept staring at the back of Naomi’s chair.

‘’Ahh V, you brought me a gift, how nice of you’’ Hoseok grins, his eyes lingering on you.

You still didn’t look at him, instead you turn your head towards the window.

And as Taehyung takes off, you feel your stomach turn at the thought of being surrounded by guys like these for a full night.

‘’Don’t get too excited now, the fight hasn’t even started.’’ Taehyung says, making Hoseok laugh in response.

‘’I don’t bite you know, you can talk’’ Hoseok continued, his voice playful.

You turn your face towards him disgust, ‘’I’m not a thing, you know’’ You snort, while narrowing your eyes at him.

‘’I’m was only kidding babe’’ Hoseok winks, returning your hostility with a warm smile.

You awkwardly smile back and continue looking out of the window. Watching the sight of the urban neighborhood passing, you wonder how many more broken homes you passed as Taehyung drove through the abandoned streets. You came from a perfect family, at least that’s what everyone around you thought. When the blinds came down, your father often had his hand raised at you over something as small as coming home 5 minutes late, or having a stain at your brand new white skirt. Your mother always told you it was because they loved you, and to a child those words meant truth, but growing up you came to know your upbringing was everything but healthy, you needed to make your own mistakes and you needed to get away from your parents.

Arriving at a massive parking lot with dim street lighting, Taehyung slows down and finds a spot near a big building that looked like some kind of indoor basketball arena.

Getting out, Taehyung motions you and Naomi to follow him and Hoseok towards the entrance.

When you enter the giant building, you instantly hear loud howling by what seemed to be a lot of people.

‘’Come on kiddo, u gotta keep up with the big boys now,’’ Hoseok smiles, leading you towards the entrance of a big room. Entering, you see what could be a few hundred people, screaming and cheering towards a big ring in the middle surrounded by a cage. Following a pad between benches and tables, you see Taehyung stopping a few feet further at a table that had at least twelve people sitting at it, and those were the guys that actually sat in a chair, the rest were girls in skimpy outfits standing and giggling around them.

‘’Aye V, good to see you man!’’ a guy wearing a suit stands up and hugs Taehyung, then turns towards Hoseok, ‘’You ready, J?’’

‘’I was born ready, fam’’ Hoseok grins while side-hugging the guy.

‘’Alright, get changed. You’re up soon and I got a lot of money betting on you son.’’ The guy says, slapping Hoseok’s arm.

‘’Do all these guys have one syllable nicknames?’’ You joke to Naomi who’s staring at Taehyung with mass adoration.

‘’What?’’ She answers seconds later

‘’Never mind’’ You mutter annoyed

‘’And who are these two beautiful ladies?’’ the guy asks Taehyung with a smirk, his eyes on you and Naomi.

‘’I’m Naomi, and this is my friend (Y/N)’’ Naomi greets him excitedly, wearing a big smile on her face.

‘’You seem like good company’’ The guy winks ‘’My name is Namjoon, but the boys call me Monie Jones.’’ He chuckled, while taking Naomi’s hand in his.

When your eyes wander towards the faces of the guys sitting at the table, you notice Jungkook staring you down with his big brown eyes. You awkwardly smile at him, and he gets up and starts walking towards you.

‘’Come and sit in my chair’’ He says, while taking your hand and leading you towards his empty chair.

‘’But.. Where do you sit?’’ You stutter, looking around at the full table.

‘’They are getting some extra chairs right now, don’t worry’’ He reassures while holding his chair out for you.

Sitting down, you look around to see if Jimin was anywhere near you. You wondered if he’d already forgotten you after that night at the party. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you weren’t thinking about him almost everyday since the party. It was all too clear - the way his fingers felt like cotton against the soft skin of your neck. The feeling of the thick metal from his silver thumb ring gripping around your tender flesh. His full pink lips skillfully sucking on yours. The way he held all the power, even though you were the one kissing him first. Something about his rawness had you immensely drawn to him. You couldn’t figure out if you felt happy having these feelings or sad about the fact that it would never work, and these feelings would eventually turn into sadness.

‘’Are you from here?’’ Jungkook asks, waking you up from your daydream.

‘’No, uh.. I moved here 2 years ago’’ You reply, giving him a sheepish smile before turning your head back to crowd, and continue scanning faces.

‘’You want a hit?’’ Jungkook asks while holding something in front of you. Blinking a few times in confusion, your gaze lowers towards his hand and find a joint placed in between his thumb and index finger.

‘’W-what is that?’’ You almost stutter. Your question was obviously rhetorical, but you needed some time to come up with the right answer, as he offered it so casually.

‘’It’s a blunt, silly’’ Jungkook chuckles. The sound of his boyish honey laugh makes your stomach tighten, and your intimate moment with him suddenly makes it’s way back into your head.

‘’Oh, no thank you. I’ve never done it’’ You shake your head nervously

‘’First time for everything right?’’ Jungkook grins, still looking in your eyes as he lights the joint in his hand with a lighter.

‘’Yeah I know.. Maybe another time’’ You reply, forcing a kind smile

When the overpowering low sound of the referee’s voice shouting names and rules catches your attention, you turn your head back towards the ring.

Moving around in your seat to get a better view of what was going on in the cage, you see Hoseok, bouncing around bare chested in red shorts in front of his opponent. You’re a bit shocked by his hands, which were only covered in a thing white material, only covering some of his wrist and knuckles.  Swallowing hard, you mentally prepared yourself for the bloodbath that was coming.

As his opponent threw the first punch, you couldn’t believe how fast Hoseok dodged his swing. He immediately jumped up on his opponent by punching him one after another. He was on fire, and for some reason you felt excitement for the first time watching something so brutal. A few minutes of dodges and punches passed, and Hoseok had his bloodied opponent flat out on the floor, making him tap out to stop the suffering. You felt your body flood with adrenaline and you hoped he would have another match after this one, as his state was pretty close to being absolutely fine. Not so long after the referee announced the next fight, and Hoseok seemed more ready than ever.

Looking around instinctively, your eyes stop at a familiar face sitting a few tables further. Your whole body heats up seeing Jimin sit so close to you. You could recognize that face from a million miles away, as your memory never lost the image of his unique features. His blonde hair was parted in the middle, which was probably created by the endless finger stroking you saw him do all the other times you’d seen him, and you wondered how he always managed to look so effortlessly good with the edgy lifestyle he had. He was sitting at a chair close to the cage, legs spread with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands together in a fist, resting his mouth against them. His face looked dangerously focused, and it seemed like no one would even dare to draw his attention away from the fight, as he would probably shoot them right there on the spot. You figured Hoseok must’ve been a good friend of him.

‘’Are you coming with us after the fight?’’ Jungkook suddenly asks, making you turn around in surprise.

‘’Uhh.. To where?’’ You ask, turning your head in a 45 degree angle, but still keeping your eyes and thoughts on Jimin.

‘’Were going to Namjoon’s house, he’s the guy that greeted you first when you came here.’’ He explains.

You didn’t really feel like going, but for some reason you really wanted to get close to Jimin again, and if going to some stranger’s house was the sacrifice you had to make, you were ready to do it.

Turning your attention back to Jungkook, you fully turn around to see if he had any wrong intentions lacing his words, ’’Uhm.. Who’s coming?’’ You ask, trying to make it sound as casually as you could.

‘’Just some guys you probably don’t know. Oh, and Taehyung, and probably your friend.’’

‘’I don’t know if I should come. I’m a little tired to be honest’’ You modestly smile.

‘’Oh come on It’ll be fun. I want to get to know you.’’ Jungkook smiles. Looking in his eyes, he seemed oddly sincere, and that after he’d almost taken advantage of you in your drunken state. But even if Jungkook came over as the most sincere person in the world, you still wouldn’t trust him one bit. You knew you were playing a dangerous game, but you just wanted Jimin’s attention. And a little flirting in front of Jimin wouldn’t hurt right?

‘’mm, maybe. I’ll think about it ok?’’ You answer playfully.

Looking to your right at the spot Jimin was sitting, a lump appears in the back of your throat when you see a girl sitting down Jimin’s lap. You heard Jungkook say something, but you couldn’t think clear, as your attention was fully on Jimin and the skank pawing at his shirt.

As you suddenly hear the whole crowd yell in victory, you see Jimin take one of her legs over his lap, straddling her against him and lifting her up while holding her with one hand against him as he proudly howled Hoseok’s name in his other. You swallowed arduously as you watched him bounce her up and down his crotch joyfully. You felt sick. How could you let yourself have these feelings for a guy like him? You wanted to be angry at him, but you knew you were the only one to blame, as you should’ve known he would fool around with girls without caring if he’d hurt them. Why did you let yourself get feelings for someone like him? Why couldn’t it be your nice neighbour, who always brought you your mail because it seemed like he wanted a reason to talk to you.

‘’Are you alright?’’ You hear Jungkook’s voice breaking you from your thoughts and you turn back nervously.

‘’Yeah.. Yes, why would you ask that?’’ You reply defensively, your words rushed.

‘’Because you’ve been staring in silence for the past 2 minutes’’

‘’Oh, well I’m fine and I would love to come’’ You smile, forcefully happy.

‘’Alright, cool’’ Jungkook smiles while holding his hand out for you. ‘’Fights over. Let’s go’’

‘’Ww-wha? Now?’’ You stutter, looking around to see if Jimin was still in your sight. He was gone, and so was Naomi. You suddenly start feeling nervous and uncomfortable. Taking your phone out of your pocket, you notice a new message from your friend.

[Naomi:] Tae and I went to the parking lot early, call me when the fight’s over and I’ll come and get you. Stay with Jungkook xx ]

Would Jimin be there as well? That question ghosted your mind and you couldn’t stop thinking about him fooling around with that girl somewhere.

‘’Let’s go before everyone storms out at the same time’’ Jungkook commands, pulling you behind him.

So many thoughts rushed through your head and you just felt like going home and popping 2 sleeping pills down your throat, before withdrawing to your bed. You hated not having control over the situations you were in. And especially not having control over the feelings you had. Taking anti depressants or sleeping pills, made you feel numb and even lifeless sometimes, but feeling emotionless was like going to your happy place. It made you feel safe.

As you follow Jungkook outside, you feel your heart rate speeding up. And in your case that mostly meant that an anxiety attack was coming up. You desperately try to calm your breathing by counting the seconds the air filled your lungs through your nose, but your vision was already becoming blurry from the nausea. Heat stroke after heat stroke came over you and you felt your fingers lightly tremble.

You wanted your sleeping pills. No, you needed your sleeping pills. Looking around anxiously, you see a guy a bit further, holding a joint in his hand and brining it up to his mouth.

Maybe weed could help prevent your attack. You start to frantically tuck on Jungkook’s sleeve and ask him if you could have that hit now, sounding rushed and nervous. Looking back at you with one eyebrow raised, he pauses a few moments before putting his hands in his pockets in attempt to get out his joint for you.

‘’It’s strong so don’t suck too hard’’ Jungkook says grinning, while holding his joint out for you. He obviously had a double meaning by what he said, but you didn’t feel like digging into what he was implying, as your real enemy was the upcoming anxiety attack.

Tasting the overpowering acidity of the marijuana, the smoke shoots it’s way out of your throat almost as fast as it made it’s way in. Coughing heavily, Jungkook starts chuckling at the sight of you struggling. ‘’’ You look like stoned little puppy’’ He laughs, looking at your teary eyes. ‘’Let’s go to Namjoon. I’ll keep you cozy and warm once we’re inside’’ He smiles. Taking the joint and taking your hand, he starts walking towards the parking lot. Feeling woozy, you start following him without questioning if you really wanted to go.

Looking around, you notice Jimin standing a few feet further, laughing and joking around with some guys - including Hoseok, and some giggly girls hanging around them. The girl he was with inside was also there. She sat on the hood of a car with her bare legs spread and a standing Jimin leaning with his back in between them, while holding a can of beer in his right hand. As she needly paws at his shirt, Jimin turns around, and starts smirking to her. You see him moving his lips, but you couldn’t make out what he was saying, as the noise made it impossible. Next, he throws his empty beer can on the ground, and steps his doc martens on the bumper of the car and climbs in-between her legs. He then looks back at the guys, who are laughing and cheering him on, and says something to them you couldn’t hear. As he looks back to her with a mischievous grin on his face, he starts grinding his hips in between her legs. His crotch grinding hers so smoothly, it genuinely looked like he was fucking her on the hood of the car. Feeling ten things at once, your knees loose their strength, and before they hit could the ground, Jungkook catches you and pulls you up.

‘’Wow, are you ok?’’ Jungkook asks surprised.

‘’I want to go home. I don’t feel well’’ You mutter, your voice low in volume, as you were mostly talking to yourself.

‘’Really? You don’t want to come with me?’’ Jungkook asks confused.

‘’Take me to Naomi, please’’ You plead, while ignoring his question.

Nodding, Jungkook lifts you up and carries you towards Taehyung’s car.

When you look back to see if Jimin was still grinding that girl, you see him standing next to Hoseok. And as you watch him a little too long, his eyes eventually lock with yours and you see the confusion and surprise wash over his face. Looking away instantly, you cursed yourself for still wanting to look at him after seeing that disgusting dry-hump scene.

Approaching Taehyung’s car, you see Naomi’s Facial expression change into fear and she immediately starts running towards you.

‘’What the fuck? What happened?’’ She asks concerned. Her voice laced with slight anger. Her gaze darting from yours to Jungkook’s frantically. ‘’What the fuck did you do to her!?’’ She starts shouting, and shoving Jungkook’s arm. Putting you down slowly, Jungkook’s expression changes into anger and you feel a storm coming up. ‘’I didn’t do anything? Why the fuck are you assuming I did something?’’ Jungkook starts shouting back, his eyebrows scrunched together.

‘’I’mm..  fff-fine I just nn.. to go hom-’ You try to calm Naomi, and tell her Jungkook didn’t do anything, but you couldn’t even talk clearly, as your vision faded and your head started spinning.

‘’What did you do to her? Did you drug her?!!’’ Naomi’s face is beat red.

Looking at the car through hooded lids, you see Taehyung jumping out of the driver’s seat with a cigarette hanging from the side of his mouth. He swiftly pulls Naomi up and carries her away from a heavy breathing Jungkook without saying a word. ‘’She’s on medication you asshole!’’ She shouts, while struggling to get out of Taehyung’s grip. But Taehyung didn’t let go and nodded to someone behind you.

When you clumsily try to keep yourself steady to the side of the car, you suddenly feel two warm hands grabbing your armpits and keeping you steady on your feet. The scent of the oh-so familiar musky cologne could only mean one thing. And as you’re being swung around by the two strong arms, you see the face that came with the memory of the scent of that strong cologne. Jimin.

Every time his face appeared in front of your eyes, your feeling instantly told you would be safe. But what became all too clear after all those times seeing him, was that there was a price that came with feeling safe around something other than medication. The feelings that originated from it and the dependency you had developed by thinking about him day and night. The ecstatic feeling you got from thinking about him filled the emptiness and loneliness you struggled with day and night, of never having received actual physical love from someone. But it wouldn’t matter how many times Jimin saved you from the scary outside world, he could never safe you from you. Or from him. Jimin brought the danger. Jimin was the danger. The second Jimin stepped into your life, your problems had also made their way back into your life. Jimin wasn’t any different from your addiction to medication, he was a whole new addiction. An even more addictive and dangerous one.

‘’Are you alright? ’’ He asks, sounding concerned. The fuck did you do to her, Jungkook?’’ He shouts angrily. ‘’And why the fuck are you even here? huh?’’ He then turns towards you, eyebrows scrunched together furiously.

‘’Nothing, I gave a her hit and she collapsed man’’ Jungkook replies, holding his hands next to his head to display his innocence.

‘’Who’s driving you home?’’ Jimin asks serious.

Jungkook motions to Taehyung and Naomi, and Jimin turns his gaze back to yours.

‘’We were going to Namjoon, bro’’ Jungkook adds

‘’No way, you ain’t taking her there.’’ Jimin shoots towards Jungkook.

Breathing heavily, you try to push him away from you, but he doesn’t move. Jimin wasn’t very tall, but boy was he strong.

‘’Let go of me!!!’’ You scream looking him into his eyes, your eyelids hanging from dizziness. ‘’I am going there! who the hell are you to tell me where to go?!’’ You shout to Jimin.

‘’Why?’’ He chuckled, catching you every time you almost sink to your feet.

‘’Because I want to! and don’t touch me!’’ You scoff, pushing him. This time, your push is a lot harder and he does a step back in surprise. His face dropping at your seriousness.. ‘’Besides, don’t you have some whore to fuck?’’ You sneer, the words escaped your mouth before you could stop them and you quickly turn your face away from embarrassment.

Jimin starts laughing and narrows his eyes at you, ’’You think my boy Jungkook wasn’t planning on doing that to you?’’ Jimin smirks presumptuous.

As he takes a step towards you, you instantly winch at his intimidating presence. ‘’Do you think you could handle that hm? He asks, while cocking his head to the end of his question. As you try to back up a step, you bump your back into the side of Taehyung’s car. ‘’Huh? Tell me, can you handle being fucked by the big boys?’’  Jimin asks, taking another step closer to you, and resting his hand beside your head on the roof of the car. You freeze. Looking at him with teary eyes you stay silent. And after a few seconds of silence, Jimin takes his hand off the car and takes a step back. ‘’You don’t belong here.’’ Jimin then concludes. ‘’You’re an asshole’’ Your voice cracked.

‘’Yeah, yeah I know. come on I’ll drive you home’’ Jimin says, taking your hand and leading you behind him after he says something to Taehyung through Naomi’s open window. Making Taehyung calmly nod in response and drive off.

Arriving at his car he opens the door for you and you carefully slip in the passenger seat. Avoiding his gaze, you keep your eyes down and away from his.

‘’Jimin!?’’ A girl’s yell makes you abruptly turn year head and search for a face. ’’Jimin, where are you going? Aren’t you celebrating with Hobi and the boys tonight?’’ You hear the same voice ask, this time you see a girl approaching Jimin, who was standing beside your closed door. It was the same girl Jimin dry humped against the hood of a car when you were walking out with Jungkook.

With shoulder length, grey-ish colored hair and big brown playful eyes, she practically bounced towards Jimin in her 6 inch platforms.

Jimin turns around, and lowers his head to your window. ‘’Be right back, k?’’ He smiles warmly. Even though you were practically boiling inside, you shrug in response. Trying to make it come over like you didn’t care. ‘’Sure’’

As Jimin walks over to the girl, she immediately lifts her bare leg against his hip, and starts whining for him to come with her and the others, while tucking onto his hoody.

‘’I can’t I gotta take someone home first. I’ll call you, k?’’ Jimin, replies sounding uninterested. You wondered why girls kept chasing him even after he treated them like trash.

‘’Jimin, I’m horny please come with me.’’ You hear the girl pant.

Looking at them in total disgust, you see Jimin pulling her closer onto his crotch, and whisper something into her ear, making her start giggling. Letting go of her, he starts walking towards the driver’s side of the car and get in.

‘’Where do you live?’’ He asks, looking at you.

‘’Central’’ You answer emotionless, not meeting his gaze.

After telling him your full address, a few minutes of silence fills the space between you two, as your head is turned towards your window.

‘’Do you uh.. Do you have some kind of eating disorder or something?’’ He then asks.

You don’t answer. You didn’t feel like talking to him anymore. You hated yourself for falling for someone like Jimin. You’d always thought that even though your whole personality was based on trauma’s and problematic experiences, your lack of thrust for people would somehow protect you from people like Jimin.

‘’With you fainting and all that’’ He adds, still trying to get you to talk to him.

‘’No.’’ You simply answer, still keeping your head turned towards the window.

After another 10 minutes of bleak silence Jimin starts speaking again. ‘’I’m sorry about what I said to you back there. I shouldn’t have said that to you.’’ His husky voice sounded sincere, but you didn’t want to offer him any kind of kindness whatsoever, so you you kept quiet.

“I just didn’t want you to go with them, they will take advantage of you.’’ He explains, vulnerability lacing his voice.

‘’Oh, like you just did back there?’’ You shoot back, looking at him repulsively.

He stays quiet for a full 30 seconds while keeping his eyes on the road. ‘’I wouldn’t do that to you’’ He finally replies

‘’Well I must be pretty special then’’ You laugh sarcastically

Sighing in response Jimin keeps quiet again.

As you look to your front, you notice drops of rain landing on the windshield of the car and it doesn’t take long for it to start pouring down like a waterfall.

Arriving at your place, you take your stuff and open the door without looking back at him. But when you want to get out, you feel Jimin’s hand grabbing you by your wrist and making you turn your head back to him.

‘’(Y/N), I am trying to stay away from you, because I’m no good for you’’ He confesses, looking at your dainty wrist while stroking it with his thumb. ‘’I rather have you hate me now, than after I’ve done something bad to you.’’

‘’Mission accomplished’’ You faintly smile before yanking your arm loose, and quickly looking away to hide your upcoming tears.

Walking away a tear makes it’s way down your cheek. You didn’t just cry because you liked Jimin, and knew you could never be with him. You cried because for the first time in your life, something could make you feel alive.

You were somewhat happy walking through the pouring rain, as your tears wouldn’t be as visible. Reaching your wet hand in your pocket to get your keys, you suddenly feel a hand grabbing your arm and pulling you into a warm body. And in a matter of seconds, two warm soft lips were pressed onto yours. You knew you couldn’t resist moving along as the soft puffiness of his lips made you forget everyone and everything. When you eventually give into him, he place his arm around your back and pulls your closer to him. One hand caressing your wet cheek and the cold metal of his thumb stinging your skin. As you are being showered by rain, Jimin’s moves into you, making you step back until your back reaches the main door of your apartment building. Clumsily fumbling for your keys, you finally reach them and hand them to Jimin, who then opens the door while you keep kissing him eagerly. Inside, Jimin’s walks you against the concrete wall next to the elevator and starts kissing and biting your neck hungrily. The sound of gripping clothes, soft moans and breathy pants fill the hollow space around you, and Jimin Lifts you up against the wall in one swift motion. Gripping your thighs and squeezing your butt, he starts grinding his crotch into yours. “You have no idea how much I thought about fucking you’’ He breaths, while grazing your neck with his teeth. As you’re moaning at his words, he slowly places you on your feet and slides his hand down your pastel-blue cigarette trousers, opening the button with one snap.

Sliding down your panties, his fingers reach your wet folds and slips them between your soaking slit. Moaning at the sensation, your breath hitches in your throat when he eases one finger inside you, looking into your eyes with his dark feline ones. ‘’Fuck, I want to fill you up so bad, baby’’ He groans, curling his finger inside you so perfectly, you winch at the sensation of the tip of his finger reaching your sweet spot. Grabbing your neck with his other hand, he places his lips onto yours, and you clutch at his sweater while you moan into his mouth.

‘’Ahhh, Jimin..’’

‘’You like that? You want more, hm?’’ He breaths, while easing another finger into you and quickening his pace.

Nodding at him in response you start steadying yourself by holding onto the fabric of his hoody, and you throw your head back at the sensation of his fingers filling you up and the sound of his husky voice making your head spin.

Letting your hand wander down his stomach, you stop at the rough bulge of his jeans covering his crotch. Cupping it in your hand, you were eager, almost desperate to feel him fill you up completely.

Your first and only sexual experience was close to a complete disaster. You were nineteen back then and as rebellious as a teenager could be at that age. Not to the faces of your parents, but you would always find ways to indirectly punish them for ruining your childhood. Making your first sexual experience not as much pleasure as it was revenge on your parents. Though, it didn’t take long for your mother to find the red-purple hickey spots on the side of your neck. You would never forget the night your father’s face was so beat red, you were convinced his beatings would be fatal that time.

As you feel your orgasm approaching, your breaths are becoming short and rapid and you feel your legs tremble under his touch.

‘’I-i think I’m clo- ahh.. ’’ You desperately moan, while desperately trying to unbutton his levi’s.

Grabbing your wrist, he looks at you through hooded lids. ‘’No, you don’t want that’’ He simply states. His voice deep and serious.

‘’Jimin, please I do want it’’ You desperately moan.

‘’Fuckkk. don’t talk like that, I won’t be able to hold back’’ He groans

‘’Please Jimin, even if it’s just for one time’’ You almost beg through moans.

Sinking to his feet, Jimin pulls your trousers and panties down, and pulls one of your legs carefully out of them. Looking you into your eyes, he slowly lifts one leg over his shoulder, and then crashes his lips on to your lower ones, making you squeal at the sensation. As he starts frenching your nub, and you feel the suction of his lips through your whole body.

‘’Ah, Jiminnn-‘’

‘’You taste so sweet mami, I could eat you out all day, Fuckk. Why do you have to be such a good girl huh?’’ He says, before stroking his flat tongue against your exposed nub, looking at you while doing it.

As he continues sucking your sensitive nub, you feel his fingers speeding up pace, and continuously hitting your sweet spot. Waves of pleasure shooting straight through you, as you feel his slick tongue on your bundle of nerves. And as he starts finger fucking you rapidly, the heat from the centre of your core spreads through your entire body. The ecstasy from your orgasm washes over you, and you feel your core tightening around Jimin’s thick fingers, making you let out a loud high pitched moan.

‘’Shh baby, people are going to think I’m hurting you’’ Jimin softly whispers in his husky voice, before he starts placing kitten-licks on your sensitive nub and then continues sucking on it.

As he drives you over your edge, you close your eyes and throw your head back at the ecstatic sensation of waves of intense pleasure washing over your body. Making your knees weak and your legs tremble under his touch. Slowing the pace of his fingers, Jimin’s let’s you ride out your orgasm and then slowly moves his head away from your lower lips and starts smirking at you, cockily. pushing himself up, he lifts your panties and trousers up your legs. When he starts looking at you, you feel yourself blushing under his gaze.  

After a few minutes of silence, Jimin lets out a deep sigh and looks down before looking back into your eyes. ‘’I don’t want to fuck you, because you deserve better than a hood rat like me’’

When you’re just about to give him your response, he cuts you off, ‘’I’m not happy with what I am, or with what I do, it’s just the way it is. I don’t want to hurt you (Y/N), or drag you down with me. Please don’t show up at those places again, I won’t be able to hold myself back when i’m drunk and I know those hyena’s won’t either. Please just.. don’t look me up again.’’

The glistening tears start drowning your eyes, as you listen to his pathetic attempt to ditch you. ‘’You’re an asshole Jimin!’’ You shout with a cracked voice, before taking your jacket from the ground with one angry swoop. You push him away from you and stumble your way towards the stairs. You start running upstairs and wailing and whimpering in your hands.

When you enter your apartment, you begin screaming and crying all at once. You were fool, and he shoved it in your face.

Running to your medicine cabinet, you take your bottle of Oxazepam and try opening it frantically. Without thinking, you take in 5 pills at once, in the hope that you could sleep for 2 days straight, or at least numb your emotions for a few days. After swallowing them one by one, you let yourself sink down your bathroom wall, and rest your spinning head on your knees.

Soon you would be in your happy place again.

a/n : In the next one i will start with a Jimin pov 

♡

[alexanderwrites]

Thoughts Roundup - Twin Peaks: The Return, Part 7

                               “There’s a body, alright”

A note: From here on out, i’m going to be rounding up my thoughts on new episodes of Twin Peaks: The Return week by week. I wrote a review of the first two episodes, but given my love for the show and the complexity of the episodes, typical reviews might be tricky, and it’d be a lot more fun to write in a looser format. So, i’m going to bullet-point my thoughts, which I promise will get boring and erratic.

. I’m really glad to see Jerry Horne again. He’s always been a favourite of mine, and even if this is pretty much all he does this season (which I imagine it will be), that’s good enough for me. Interesting that he mentions his car being stolen - there seems to be a lot about stolen cars this season. Whether they’re linked or just a common theme is open for debate. Maybe Frost or Lynch got their car nicked around the time of writing the series. 

. I absolutely adore Hawk having such a big part this series. It makes such logical sense that he’d have larger responsibilities within the department, and seeing him with the pages from Laura’s diary was immensely satisfying. The reference that Laura makes in the diary to the ‘dream’ she had of Annie is further reference to Fire: Walk With Me, which, if you haven’t seen it yet, is pretty much essential to this season so far. 

. I found it really interesting that Truman wasn’t surprised or confused at the mention of Cooper being trapped in the Black Lodge. He didn’t even ask what it was, so i’m guessing this was a chat the folks in the department had with him when he took the job. “Oh, b-t-dubs, there’s a gateway to what might be hell in the woods. Ask your brother about it And always make another pot of coffee if you finish it off”. I also found Truman, who until now hadn’t done much for me, pretty moving in his scenes tonight. His expression during his call to his terminally ill brother (we miss you, Harry! Kind of!) was rendered painfully on Robert Forster’s face - and I was really moved to see Doc Hayward, even briefly. He’s so visibly frail and old, and seeing all these old (and I mean OLD) faces really hits home the passing of time. There’s an everyday tragedy and pain in seeing it, made particularly poignant that Warren Frost (and several other cast members) passed away not so long ago. I keep wanting the Log Lady to come in with words of beauty and comfort about time passing and the world changing, but i’m not sure we’ll see her again (the actress, Catherine Coulson, passed away in 2015). It’s both saying hello, and goodbye, and the acknowledgement this show has always had that everything must pass is deeply affecting. I wasn’t expecting this series to make me ruminate on the nature of life and death so much. Thanks, assholes. 

Hayward talks about Cooper the morning he comes back from the Lodge - It’s so strange to hear the events of the morning that Cooper rammed his damn head into the mirror get discussed. It really drives home that the moment you’ve been thinking about for the past 2,000 years is getting some context and elucidation. It’s very, very cool. 

. Sheriff Truman pulls a small log-shaped handle and a computer monitor emerges from his desk. If you have a better example of old Twin Peaks merging with the modern world, i’d like to see it. Then i’d like to install it in my house.

. Harold Smith, that sad flower dweeb from season 2, got a mention! Again, it’s odd hearing references to smaller plot points in the series, but then again Doug and Duane Milford got a lot of attention in The Secret History of Twin Peaks. Turns out Doug was a flying saucer chaser, and with the amount of words he gets in the book, i’d be surprised if he’s not even passingly mentioned this season. 

. As well as not crying anymore, Andy has a new Rolex to go along with his new Michael Cera. I’m not sure where the story will go with the no-show guy who said he couldn’t talk to Andy, but I feel like its probably related to the drug story that seems to be running in the background. 

. Laura Dern, we love you. All of us. Every last one. Even with the most difficult to please of viewers, I doubt there’ll be a single complaint about her because she is the fucking best. It’s interesting that Diane’s so seemingly broken, leading us to wonder why - there were never really any clues about her personality, but you get the feeling that she was friendly, from the mere fact that Cooper talked to her via tapes so kindly and openly. So what happened? Bad Coop happened, is what. 

. I was pleasantly surprised at how swiftly the plot developed in this episode -  right after agreeing to meet Doppelcoop, they’re jetting off to see him. If this had been a few episodes earlier, it might’ve taken a while for them to get to it, but this episode knocked it out pretty efficiently. I didn’t think the show was too slow before, but it is a nice change of pace to get an episode with so much development.

. The windows on the jet disappear and reappear, right? I mean, I rewound that several times and they surely do. It’s not the light hitting them funny - they flash. I’m sure of it.

. Tammy hasn’t been given too much screentime yet, despite doing fairly important work - even though it seems Gordon has already sussed out the tasks she undertakes. He seems to be testing her abilities, which is why he assigns her to take over the research of the dossier, which makes up The Secret History of Twin Peaks. The scene where Gordon touches her fingers and says “I’m very, very happy to see you again, old friend” is funny, weird and ingenious. Gordon feels a lot like Cooper, but then, he always has. With his love of food, nature and coffee, and being filled with an affinity for everything, Gordon is an older Cooper and I hope he gets to see his old friend again. 

. Dern’s performance when she meets Doppelcooper is phenomenal and all registered in her fearful expression. It’s a gorgeously framed scene, with her head floating in the darkness of the room, looking at the man who is Not Her Friend. Her reference to that night is certainly ominous, but it did cross my mind that she was feeding him false information to see if he’d take it. Her reaction in the car park afterwards seems to suggest that it was true, though. Everyone seems to be in pain both from the absence of Cooper and from the presence of Doppelcooper. And it leads you to wonder again: what the fuck has Doppelcooper been up to these 25 years? And once again - both kudos and screw you to Kyle MacLachlan for being so utterly brilliant and frightening as Doppelcooper, especially in this prison scenes, where his voice seems to be slowed to a possessed and deep slur. This new season keeps offering up the chance to use such weird sentences: Kyle MacLachlan is terrifying and Matthew Lillard is scene stealing. 

. Of course the body was Garland Briggs. It had to be. Or did it? Who knows! It’s decades younger than it should be, and Briggs supposedly died in a fire a long time ago. We know he was taken by one of the lodges back in season 2, and has experienced the white lodge. We might wonder that if, after that, he gained some sort of...power? How else was his head floating in space those episodes back? And again with the bodiless heads! The nightmare bastard roaming the halls in this episode is the same ghoul whose head floated away in the first episode, and Josie Packard’s headless (or faceless, at least) body was, in an original script, supposed to be seen in a black lodge scene. People losing their heads seems to be a common theme again. Would it have been too on the nose, and i might add, awful, if Where’s Your Head At? had played in the morgue scene? It’s hard to be on the nose when you haven’t got a head! Wahey!

. This episode is very light on Cooper (i’m not going to call him DougieCooper because he’s not Dougie! He just wears his bad clothes sometimes!), but he came along almost as soon as I thought “Hey, where’s Coop?”. Naomi Watts kills it again with her impatient anger, and I love that she’s written as someone at her wit’s end (or should that be Watt’s end? Nope, it shouldn’t) but that still cares for her dumbass husband. And then we get maybe our clearest answer that Coop is still Coop: he kicks a bit of ass. It’s a very satisfying and well choreographed fight, and the Arm popping up to give fight advice was kinda cool and kinda funny. It seems that the lodge dwellers, or at least some of them, are helping Coop. Mike, The giant, and the Arm have all advised him, and seemingly given him some special insights. I think they want Cooper alive so he can, to paraphrase GOB Bluth, return Doppelcoop from whence he came. He was due back in, as that call in episode 1 told him, so maybe the lodge spirits are getting utterly fed up on waiting on his ass. They’re letting Coop live so he can go and sort it out. It has been 25 years after all. Stop hogging Bob, bro. 

. Some interesting stylistic choices in the news coverage scenes after the fight which felt like they were from another show, but I kinda dug it anyway. Will someone in Twin Peaks see Cooper in the news footage and put two and two together? I’m not in a massive rush for Cooper to wake up - but it will be spectacularly rewarding once he does.

. Is Josie haunting the hotel? Last we saw her, she was trapped in a doorknob, and Pete (we miss you Pete! Really!) was seeing her face above the fireplace (the nonchalance of that moment always really freaked me out), and now there is a sourceless humming sound throughout the hotel, which kind of sounds like the mystical ringing sound that we hear whenever The Giant rocks up. It really is happening again, isn’t it? Great to see more Ben, though his P sounds are less Plosive than they used to be, and he hasn’t eaten ANYTHING yet. But he’s still a lot of fun to watch, and i’m hoping - because i’m a softie who likes goodies - that his humanitarianism lasted. And i’m also beginning to think - with all the references to Audrey’s condition after the bank blast (bank blast sounds like shitty video game) - that Audrey will have been physically effected long term by what happened. I’m beginning to really look forward to seeing her, though I dread the idea that Doppelcoop is the father of her awful bastard son.

. It’s so uncannily Lynchian to drop in on someone like Beverly’s life, someone who we know next to nothing about, and give her a fairly substantial scene. It even feels like it might not go much further than that, and that dropping into her soap opera life (Twin Peaks’ soapiness is still there!) for this scene is just Lynch giving us a little look at domestic turmoil in Twin Peaks. But who knows. Who knows which characters are a one-scene deal, and which will fit into the larger narrative. Where is goddamn MATTHEW LILLARD???

. Jacques Renault’s identical brother(?) got some lines! And surprise surprise: he’s a scumbag! The sweeping scene was weirdly engrossing, especially with Green Onions playing in the background. And my god, how warm and cosy did the Double R look tonight?? With Sleepwalk by Santo & Johnny playing, and the lighting as warm and oak-tinted as ever, it’s maybe the one place in Twin Peaks you’d want to hang out. Especially with lovely, lovely Shelly and Norma working there. They’re such likeable and instantly welcoming people to see, and it’s hard not to wish they were your friends. And, I don’t like to focus too much on how the actors look - but Madchen Amick literally has not aged a day and it’s very confusing how she’s managed that. I guess there is something special in Norma’s family pie recipe. Also, i’ve heard people say the guy who pops his head in asks if anyone has seen “Bing”, but on re-listening, it’s 100% Billy and not Bing. There is someone named Bing in the credits - whether he’s any relative of Chandler’s is present is yet to be seen. It could be something, or it could be another version of that “It’s a boy? It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” bank security guy from Season 2. Just someone yelling some dumb shit.

. Some great music in this episode too, both new score and old. With the ominous shots of the foggy woods set to the opening notes of Laura Palmer’s theme playing (the scary bit, not the sad bit) I genuinely got chills. 

. Doppelcoop is on the loose and you can feel the story pushing forward now he’s out. I get the feeling we won’t see the Prison Warden again, and that everything they talked about has a backstory but one that is not necessarily important for us to learn about. Just know that Doppelcoop is loose, and where he goes now is an open question. To kill Cooper? How could you kill a man your exact double? It’d be so surreal. And would make for a weird, bad-wig-wearing stunt double fight scene. And the idea of unawake Cooper being hurt makes me even sadder than the idea of Lucid Cooper being hurt, somehow. He’s a sympathetic thing really, and he needs someone outside the black lodge to help him. He’s called for help though, and either Gordon or Hawk are on his trail, thankfully. 

SUMMARY

This episode, more than any other yet, felt like Twin Peaks of old. We spent more time in the town, and the atmospherics of the town felt more prevalent too. It does feel like we’re being eased back into the town which is great fun, though I love everything set outside too. A narrative cohesion is coming about as the story’s 2nd act clicks into place, and there’s some real momentum going in this hour. Whether or not that keeps going next week (I think it will), i’m happy to let the show do its thing because this episode has shown that patience does pay off. We will get there, and we should probably learn to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Remember, Lynch and Frost have pretty big hard-ons for Mysteries, and that always has been, and always will be the core of the series. But goddamn it if it isn’t fun seeing that mystery chipped away at in tonight’s episode. 

    “Keep working the sunny side of the river, doc”

[askthenewhopespeak]

Naomi: Shikbane-san, may I speak to you?

Kuzo: No.

Kuzo: Not unless it involves food.

Naomi: Oh, you appear to think I was asking. *She grabs Kuzo’s hand* If you’ll behave I’ll buy you dinner.

Kuzo: Pretty sure that phrases that start with “May I” are questions, but I’m up for free food.

Naomi: Just politeness. You see… You appear to be spending time with my younger daughter.

Kuzo: And I assume that saying ,“Glad to see your eyes work,” counts as misbehavior, so I’ll just nod and wait for you to go on.

Naomi: So I have two questions for you. One… What do you want from her?

Kuzo: Food’s not an acceptable answer, is it?

Naomi: I don’t think it’s the truth, so I’ll go with no.

Kuzo: Absolutely nothing, ma'am.

Kuzo: If anything, she’s the one who wants something from me.

Naomi: What does she want from you?

Kuzo: Ask her, why dontcha? I can’t read minds.

Kuzo: Better yet, be her fucking mom.

Naomi: *She pulls her shoulders.* I’m too scared.

Naomi: I don’t know this kid. I didn’t raise her like her mother did.

Kuzo: You think I’ll be around to take your place forever?

Kuzo: She’s clinging to me because you’re not there.

Kuzo: If you don’t know, then fucking ask. That’s all there is to it.

Naomi: I am terrified! *She is not yelling, but her voice definitely raises.* I am frickin’ terrified that I’m going to do something wrong.

Kuzo: Just by doing nothing, you’re screwing up.

Kuzo: The only way you could be even worse is if you don’t even try.

Naomi: I don’t know how, Shikabane-san. I am not a mother! I am a new adult who can’t handle her own shit!

Kuzo: You think that stops anyone?! No one knows what they’re fucking doing! The world is full of idiots and morons with their heads stuck up their asses!

Kuzo: If you’re not fucking ready, why the hell are you even getting married?! What the fuck are you even doing?!

Naomi: Don’t you think that if I had a clue, we won’t be having this talk?

Kuzo: Figure it out. Talk to your goddamn fiancé, talk to your future kid, just try!

Kuzo: The only way you can fuck it up even more is if you don’t do anything!

Naomi: What are you even saying? ‘Hi, kid that I don’t know, I am your mother now?’

Naomi: She has her mother. And one day, I will be this woman… But I am not.

Kuzo: You think this will magically go away once she’s born?

Kuzo: You’ll remember this.

Naomi: Good, and then I’ll be able to spend twenty years thinking on how I screwed up this version of my kid.

Naomi: I don’t even know if she likes her mother.

*Shibakuzo groans to herself*.

Kuzo: I’m going to regret this…

*She lifts up Naomi.*

Naomi: What are you doing?

Kuzo: Apparently you’re so stupid that you need lessons how to not fuck up your relationship with your future daughter.

Naomi: Sadly, they don’t give these at any school I ever was in.

Kuzo: So, to avoid headaches, since I’m the one she goes to when there are problems, I’m teaching you how to not fuck up.

Naomi: Should I be worried? *She totally would have raised an eyebrow if she actually could*

Kuzo: Only if you keep being stupid.

*She blinks to an empty classroom.*

*Naomi looks sick from the sudden blinking.*

 Naomi: let’s not ever do this again.

Kuzo: You get used to it.

*She drops Naomi on a chair roughly. And walks up to the chalkboard.*

Naomi: Hi, watch it.

Naomi: So what are we doing here?

Kuzo: Shut up and pay attention.

Kuzo: Class is starting, dipshit.

Naomi: Would you prefer me calling you sensei?

Kuzo: Only if you actually use this fucking lesson.

Naomi: So start, maybe?

Kuzo: You give a shit about this kid, right?

Naomi: I do, yes. I think.

Kuzo: You think?

Kuzo: So you confront the girl who shot someone for someone you think you care about.

Naomi: I don’t know this kid. I have no idea who she is or what she likes. I just… I know I should care. And I do. It’s just… wired.

Kuzo: Time travel does that to you, bitch. So try actually telling her that.

Kuzo: Who knows, maybe she’ll like it! A “it’s weird because of time travel but nice to meet you,” would be nice!

Naomi: Y-you really think so?

Kuzo: Pretty sure she thinks you hate her or something, so anything would be appreciated.

Naomi: Maybe it’s still better for her to think that. Maybe it’s better if she hates me, so it won’t be sad to either of us when she has to go.

Kuzo: Oh god fucking DAMMIT!

Kuzo: You know what.

Kuzo: Fuck this.

*Shibakuzo blinks away.*

*And then she comes right back, holding Sora in her arms.*

Sora: B-big sis, what…? *she notices Naomi and buries her face in Kuzo.*

 Naomi: You brought her here. For some reason.

Kuzo: Stop being idiots and talk to each other before I tear out my hair.

*Shibakuzo gently sets Sora down near Naomi.*

Sora: Hi… mom.

*Naomi sighs, clearly not certain in her next words.*

 Naomi: I am sorry I have been ignoring you. I shouldn’t have done it.

*Shibakuzo rolls her hands in a 'go on’ gesture.*

Naomi: And… I guess I don’t have a full grasp on my emotions right now? I care for you, but I know nothing about you and it’s all really wired. Does it make sense?

*Shibakuzo smiles. It seems… oddly proud?*

*Sora nods her head.*

 Sora: I can- I can tell you about myself, I guess. Just a bit. You’d have your own Sora to figure out soon enough.

Naomi: I’d… I’d love to hear that.

*Shibakuzo nods in approval, before leaving the room.*

 //This is set pre-couple’s game, btw. And is the reason Naomi and Sora are much better with eachother in the infermarey.

[thepeakmoment]

More Returns

Here's a superb podcast on Peaks. May 30 is the most recent episode. A great listen. Counter Esperanto Podcast: Tangents About Twin Peaks: 10th Secret: The Return

On Tue, Jun 13, 2017 at 1:53 PM, Dom wrote: I'll check it out tonight.

So my Diane prediction was on the fucking money.

I got another theory I'm working on.

Who's the mysterious billionaire? I heard some people say it may be Audrey Horne. I heard some people say it is Jack (John Justice Wheeler). I heard some people say it is Phillip Jeffries or Evil Cooper.

Put on your tinfoil hat for this one. The Billionaire is Leo Johnson. He lived through his spider ordeal. Then he took everything that Windom left behind (notes, computer files, other assorted Windom things) and built a criminal empire. I find it very hard to believe that the fucking casting director's son who was in the 1st two seasons and the fucking movie is NOT in this one.

The secret history of twin peaks tells us what happens to a bunch of characters like Leo. For instance Hank dies in prison. But not one word in the book about Leo? I got to believe that he lives and he’s not just a slobbering fool any more. I know this is probably not going to happen. But that's my theory.

I cannot imagine Leo is a rich billionaire — how did he make his money? A theory that makes sense I’ve heard on EW TP podcast that it could be BOB-Cooper attempting to catch Good Cooper if he ever left the Lodge. But really, I have no idea… not as of end of P7.

I like how Lynch-Frost are using all official Twin Peaks releases as canon to draw the narrative from — Laura’s Diary, FWWM, Missing Pieces of blu-ray edition, as well as many classic episode threads.

And like Erik, I KNOW, that Sheriff Harry S. Truman will make an appearance in this season. I feel it in my bones.

It’s looking grim for Harry — or rather, it sounds grim from Frank saying to Harry, “beat this thing.” But actually I can see Ontkean coming out of retirement to have a role toward the end of the series. I also (want to) believe Josie returning … maybe she’s the billionaire, but why would she make such a contraption mounted to the side of building?

On Sun, Jun 25, 2017 at 2:26 AM, Erik wrote: Good Morning Gents. Grab a cup a joe and settle down a minute. I got some backed up information for yous … << Starts Tape Recorder…. >>

Spot on is right Mr Domi. You got that Diane was Laura Dern AND that she drinks at the Pub we went to. I even want to say she is seated in the area of the bar that we were sitting at that night.  Glad it wasn't raining when we went, "FUCK Gene Kelly, You mother fucker!!" LOL I love Albert, he is my favorite this season. (Location: Max Von's Bar = Casey's Irish Pub, 619 South Grand, LA)

So Episode 7 should have shut up all those whiner's and complainer's of Ep 6. There was a lot of hate on the internet, and even in our FB Group, about that episode. I was ok with it. I did not like the scene with the kid getting hit by the truck, but the scene ended with the Fat Trout Telephone pole, so I'm ok with it.

"Lynch has gotten flak for the male gaze in his work, but the problems go a lot deeper than lingering shots on female anatomy.…” Laura Hudson in Vulture.

Also in EP 6 we finally got two major new pieces of music from Angelo, not his best work, but still great to hear.  The overall lack of his music is my biggest complaint this season in case I didn't make that clear.

When Johnny Jewel's Windswept first appeared, I thought that was Badalamenti  finally debuting new music. I was definitely disappointed it was not Angelo, no disrespect to Johnny. But I agree with you Erik about no AB original score. That music is what made classic Peaks so memorable. I don’t get why Lynch is using such popular music. There really wan’t any such tracks in FWWM, it was Angelo’s music and further cemented Peaks as evergreen. Lynch is acting like Scorcese in the epic cinematic story… and he doesn’t need to. Marty did not have a Badalamenti in his arsenal. Lynch does. Please use him.

EP 7...There's a body alright.. is definitely the shit. Now we are cooking. Jerry!!!! Come out of it man... Lets get Ben and Jerry back in action, not disfunction. The diary pages, Annie's message from FWWM, Leland hiding pages, DIANE from hell! ... Bringing it all back home.

There’s a dark undercurrent with Diane and Cooper. All signs are indicating something very bad happened to Diane. I think BOB-Cooper raped her.

I wonder where Frank Truman was at the time of Laura's murder? He says he remembers Leland, her father, did it, but is not really familiar with the case. BUT why the heck is Frank not asking "So what is "the Lodge" you keep talking about?” Hawk?

The way Hawk talks so knowledgable about both Lodges and the way Frank does not question or disbelieve him, then it must be common knowledge among the indigenous culture. Wonder if Frank is a Bookhouse Boy?

Ancient Doc Hayward, kinda sad, but he was still funny. Did you catch his Skype name?  MiddleburyDoc... Warren Frost was actually living in VT right? They probably actually did just Skype him and screen capture it…lol

I caught that right away about Warren Frost’s Skype handle. And no doubt, Frost stayed in Vermont to do his scene. That just recorded the screen.… I do miss Briggs. Yet he died long before Lynch-Frost’s three-year tenure writing the new story, they had plenty of time to work the presence of him into the story.

Briggsy.. Oh Major Briggs. how we miss thee. Should be interesting how this plays out. And When the hell are we going to go back to I bet the road where Andy is waiting to meet the Truck owner is up there at Frankln Canyon Pond.

The Dog Leg.... WTF?  Is Joe McCluskey the guy that rigged the car and Mr C Killed earlier on? I do think the Psycho Little guy with the Ice Pick and Gun is kinda silly. Over the top for no reason.  Oh well.… It's kinda silly also that no one has taken Dougie to the Doctor. Everyone just plays along. we have to suspend disbelief I guess.

OMG enough with the guy sweeping at the Roadhosue. Is this all the extra time he told Shotime he needed more money for to tell the story properly?  lol and more music used in hundreds of shows and commercials. I love Booker T and the MGs don't get me wrong, but ... UGH I miss you Angelo... Also... Kinda weird to see Jean Michel... Did Jacque Renault have a twin brother? lol Mr. C and Ray getting out of Prison.. Bad stuff gonna happen. I think they might have used San Bernadino County Jail for this locaton. The Cell block Cooper is located on looks familar.  I will compare some screen grabs from my Locaton and Publicity Photos we took for Beyond Scared Straight at that jail.

And beause they needed to pad the ending to get to the alloted running time... Back to the RR Diner for the end scene, and yet another over-used stock song they probably had to pay more to use than what they paid Angelo for everything. Plus, I liked that song better when they used it in the X-files episode “Home" but No, I'm not bitter.

General notes: Glad Naomi Watts has such a big part. She really owns her scenes. Wish Jennifer Jason Leigh was more present but Mr C just left Jail for somewhere... It's slightly brilliant how Lynch (but probably Frost came up with it) still has made Harry a character in the show. even if only on the phone and never even heard. I feel like Harry is there kinda. Also brilliant... Robert Forrester.... wow. Wish he was in the original or the movie. Not sure how I feel with Dern as Diane. I'll go with it and see what happens.

Outstanding questions for me....(cause I haven't been reading blogs or listening to podcasts)

What is up with all the Arthurian Legend references? Dougie lives on Lancalot Court, down the street from the Merlin Market. Janey-E meets for the ransom drop on the corner of Gueneivere and Merlin. And of course, Glastonbury Grove... Pete Martel: "King Arthur's burried in England!"

Why is it when Dougie puts his thumb up or his hand out to shake, he turns his body 180 degrees?

What is up with the creepy guy (from Mulholland Diner scene) in the Vegas Office? I can't seem to catch his meaning in the story line.

What is up with Cooper's Room Key from the Great Northern? If has finally made it back to Ben Horne...Soooo?

One last question... Did Lynch quit smoking?  He made two references to people (Gordon Cole even) quitting. Did we ever even see Cole smoke in the series or movie? weird for him to say he quit when the character never smoked on camera. "You think about that Tammy."

On Jun 25, 2017, at 4:29 PM, Dom wrote: I think Frank Truman was a police officer in Seattle during Laura's investigation if I remember the book correctly. But I think that a "Sheriff Truman" has been in power for over 60 consecutive years now between the 2 brothers and their father. It sort of like there must always be a Stark in Winterfell.

To my knowledge that was the first time ever we have heard name Joe McCluskey. I have no clue who that is. But I have a feeling we will learn.

Yea, I don’t recollect Joe McCluskey. Gotta watch again to see if he first appears or is mentioned earlier.

I think Ike the Spike is either from the black lodge or an agent of the black lodge. Remember he smelled "funny" per the little girl.

Spike did look a little monstery, his teeth especially.

I actually loved that scene of the sweeping. I could just imagine everyone watching was freaking out and I enjoyed that. And I thought that Walter did some great acting while on the phone as Jean-Michel. "He owes me for two!"

That ending scene from the RR diner was weird as shit. Its either the worst continuity error of all time or something truly weird happened there. Completely different set of people dining there after David Lynch's son runs in and asks if anyone has seen Billy.

Lynch did not quit smoking. He, like Harry Dean are lifers.

Both Laura Dern and Naomi Watts are killing their roles. Both doing a fantastic job. I just cannot wait to see them come face to face over Dougie.

And MacLachlan! All his Cooper iterations are really well done. I love that BOB-Cooper character. Can’t wait to see what trouble he kicks up now!

My new tin foil theory is that we may be dealing with 2 Twin Peaks. Twins of each other if you will. I'm still working this one out. Different versions of the same town in different universes a part of a greater multiverse?

Did you notice Andy was wearing a rolex? Kind of weird.

…And he was supposed to meet the guy at 4:30. Is that one of the numbers from ????? ?

The guy from the Vegas office is working directly for Phillip Jeffries or whoever is pretending to be him IMO.

Don’t overlook the black soot guy walking in the hallway toward the female FBI agent in the morgue. I think it’s related to the guy next to Bill Hastings cell.…

Lots of Arthurian Legend stuff from way back when. I never got that. But its seems to be very important. I would love to go to Merlin's Market.

During the end credits from the last episode buried in the music is Windham Earle's theme mixed into the background too!!!!!

I might try headphones for tonight’s part to see exactly what sounds I miss. I know there’s a lot of low audible noise and rumbling that I don’t hear when our apartment is 86º and the fan is going.…

On Jun 25, 2017, at 8:10 PM, Dom wrote: Some last minute thoughts...

Yeah I agree about MacLachlan is killing it and should win an Emmy for best actor. Black soot guy is awesome and its the same dude for sure from the jail cell. Some people seem to think we have seen him a third time as a homeless man outside of Vegas at the Rachera Rosa is whatever it is called. I don't think that we did. I will need to re-watch that again. Another tin foil hat theory. On those three pages from Laura's diary she refers to knowing who it is and that its not Bob. At least everyone thinks she is referencing Leland. That is probably most right. However I am thinking that she is referring to an evil more powerful and sadistic than even Bob.Like whatever came out of the glass box and mutilated those younglings.

On Jun 25, 2017, at 8:17 PM, Erik wrote: > "Yea, I don’t recollect Joe McCluskey."

I am thinking if the guy in the diner eating food non-stop the whole scene with Ray and the chick Mr C shot in the head.  Just before he kills her, he tells her "i killed joe, and the she freaks out, knowing the gig is up.   The previous scene the eating guy "joe" does something to a car in storage and then cooper like squeezes his face for a whole minute.   Could be McCluskey?

> "Lynch did not quit smoking."

Well, its mighty fine of him to send a non smoking message to all the youths. Considering Cole does not smoke, it is a conscious message.

> "All his Cooper iterations are really well done."

Yes, Kyle will def get an Emmy nomination. Dern and Watts will also I predict.  

> “RR diner was weird as shit. Its either the worst continuity error of all time or something truly weird happened there.”

There are no accidents on a Lynch set. If an error occurs and he likes it he will use it. So who knows why he did it. On the same level as the windows  flashing code on the FBI jet.  He is throwing out decoys i feel.  

> “then it (the Lodge) must be common knowledge among the indigenous culture.”

Then why the heck is Truman not like "well lets go up there" nor does Hawk tell him he was up in those woods when Log Lady last called.

> “Don’t overlook the black soot guy walking in the hallway”

Nope, I did not mention him cause i consider it another decoy.  Kinda like the shambling being behind the diner in Mulholland Drive...never came up again. i am sure he will play a part at some point.  

But i did forget to mention the playing card Mr. C  showed the girl in the hotel bed before he shoots her.  Aliens? Very well could be.

Have a good viewing. The damn internet saying EP 8 is extra noteworthy. Could it be Phillip Jeffries? Windom Earl?  More Leland and Laura? (I actually doubt we will see either of them again).  Audrey? Big Ed? They got plenty of options.

Cheers! ~G

Sent from the Black Lodge.