#nanku

[chyaptagolap]

if you listen to old bollywood, bangla oldies, urdu ghazals, hindi and bangla coke studio, desi hiphop, bangla rock and folk fusion we should be married rn

[18shadesofmay]

MY MOODBOARD

for my desi hip hop wali playlist😭

it's my first ok guys i tried

@definitelynotnia thanks for tutoring

[wojosubahjaldinahiuthti]

in my karun, nanku, chaar diwaari era and it isn't ending anytime soon

[ik-kudi-da-khwab]

bas Tera intezar karu

Mangal se ravivar karu

in love letters ki kasam

me to bas tumse pyar Karu

[disdadandon]

bhai sahab eye contact bhi kya cheeze hai

-Kamikaze

[souvlakigasstation]

"Saare Milkyway keh taare baatein karte teere bare" (translates to all the stars of the milky way talk about you)

It's just a silly line but really short circuits my brain, oh Nanku my baby girl

[pahaadonkidhoop]

toh baat zara kuchh aisi si hai, wo mere bagal mein baithi hai

when when when god when T_T

[preetrambles]

when will it be my turn to be his mrignaini?

[varun-ka-tumbllr]

Still not over Teesri Duniya breaking up. It has been bothering me ever since.

Need more bangers like Jeenedo, and the art that is YATI.

[lyricsssdotin]

Zubaida Lyrics

Singer:Nanku, NatiqAlbum:Nanku, Natiq Bechara dil becharaTujhse kar cope ni paaraKoi chance, na scope, na chaaraMujhse tere liye khat likhwaa ra Bechara dil becharaKuch dino se mere haath ni aa rhaaKoi chance, na scope, na chaaraAinvein apna ghamand ghiswaa ra Aisa bhi hota haiCupid bhi rota haiSochun tere baare mein toSeene mein kuch hota hai Na koi samjhauta haiNa mera dil iklauta haiUtaar…

[chyaptagolap]

this playlist should have a fanbase of it's own

[18shadesofmay]

Yahan hafton se lambi ek raat hai, bas paanch minute ki baat hai Mera dil abhi bhi tere paas hai, bas paanch minute ki baat hai

[jalebikichashni]

One of the best song I've heard in a while!

[ilyricshub]

Jaam Lyrics - Yo Yo Honey Singh

Jaam Lyrics – Yo Yo Honey Singh

[lina-delgado]

The cat (or baby?) is out of the bag as Neshdan ( @neshionals ) overhears Emre ( @akbartheolder ) and Lina discussing the wellbeing of their “baby”. Suffice to say this unexpected discovery does not go over well for the doctor, and the patient doesn’t make it any easier.

"Lina - Lina!  How've you not been to see Tomas yet, man?"  Emre put down the basket of food before coming over to her.   All the best produce and items, because Emre was 2IC on the farm.  Of course he'd handpick what Lina requested, to make sure it was all perfect and prime for her and the baby.

"Sit down, bloody hell.  You look exhausted and the sun'll catch you,"  Emre tried ootching Lina towards one of the little deck chairs perched outside LinaLex manor.  "Have a seat and I'll get you some juice, alright?  Or milk?  I nicked some of the milk from the goats, its nutritious innit.  Or...is it dangerous to mum and baby because it's fresh...?  Bloody hell.  See, luv - this is why you need to do see a doctor!"

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

"I'm working on it, okay? It's just...a lot of pressure." Lina declared, even though her real reason for not going to talk to anyone was because there was nothing to talk about. She had agreed to let Emre be part of this even though that just made things harder for her. Who didn't enjoy a challenge every now and again, right?

And maybe the attention and the coddling was nice. Being taken care of while she barely had to lift a finger was something she could get used to, even though she had to remind herself that at some point it would all end. "Please, relax, I'm fine." she tried to humbly assure him as she sat down like he asked. "It's--I don't think milk is dangerous...I think you're just worrying a little too much. And if you worry, I'll worry. And I think stress is gonna be worse for the baby than a bit of milk would be."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

And I think stress is gonna be worse for the baby than a bit of milk would be, was what Lina said when Nesh approached. With his hands buried in the pockets of his shorts, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It was only then that he registered who Lina was talking to, and within the matter of seconds, every stage of anger was be visible on his face.

“What fucking baby.”, he blurted out, eyes mostly focused on Emre, as piercing as they had been when he had looked down at Emre just mere days ago. “Lina,” he then started, still looking into Emre’s direction, “What fucking baby“ As threatening as he might have looked like at the beach, he looked twice as threatening now. “Have you gone fucking mad?”, he then almost yelled into Emre’s direction, “Can’t keep your dick out of one single person on this island, no?”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

"Right.  Right, good point.  I found a book in the library about babies, actually,"  Emre said cheerfully, but his cheer quickly faded when he admitted,  "Not like much of it really applies here.  None of them OGB...them baby-doctors here, or ultra-sounds or vitamin pills..."

But as he handed Lina the cup of juice, he turned just in time to see Neshdan, to his surprise.  A pleasant surprise at first because!  Doctor!  This was perfect, they wouldn't even have to talk to Tomas.  Emre knew Nesh had no fondness for him, but was prepared to step back and let doctor do his work.  But a different surprise sprung up instead, when Nesh ranted and roared like a woken dragon and Emre looked from Lina to Nesh and back to...ah.

People who Nesh loved, apparently.

Emre glanced at Lina with a sour look that said 'really?' before he turned back to Nesh.  "Lina weren't exactly asleep every time we shagged, mate.  Thing is - she's pregnant, you're a doctor. How about you put your dick away right now, and give her a check-up first.  Then you can try and come at me." 

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Lina had been focused on Emre and his attempts to care for her, she had heard the footsteps in the sand but noticed a bit too late that it was Nesh walking by. She really hoped that he hadn't heard her but his sudden outburst about what fucking baby made it a little clear that he picked up on it. Great. The one person she didn't want hearing about this had to be the one walking by.

Emre gave her a look and Lina just looked confused. What, like she anticipated this kind of reaction from Nesh? Most definitely not. As the two of them got into each others faces, Lina lifted her hands up, using the air to push them back from each other, even if it was only slightly. "How about nobody comes at anyone and everyone calm down. I don't know what problem you have with each other but I'm really not in the mood."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“What problem we have with each other?” Nesh scoffed out a laugh, but to be fair, he did take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Since Emre had tried to drown him, he’d gotten to know that some of the doppelgängers had issues with intrusive thoughts - though that didn’t raise any more sympathy for Emre. Pointing his hand at the other man, he started shaking his head. “The fuck I’m going to do. He tried to kill me. Me.”

Totally aghast, he took a step back again, still looking at Emre. “What if you go looking for Iyaz so he can do your little checkup? I wasn’t the one to get her pregnant on an island with no gynecologist, no hospital and no proper healthcare.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

It was technically true, Emre had tried to drown Nesh. So Emre didn't argue.  No excuses.  He was a monster, he always lived with the consequences before, embraced them even.  It was all justified, all of Emre's terrible actions had a purpose.  This is for Iyaz.  Keep Iyaz safe.  Keep Iyaz happy. Give him the good life. Now that purpose was gone, run after his fiancé in a magical tree, and left Emre with nothing but all the horror he'd wrought.

Instead he looked indignant for Iyaz's sake, and for Lina's. "Is you mental?  Iyaz would try his best to help, that's the kind of doctor he is.  Hippo-oath and that.  You what.  You're not a gyno so you wash your hands of our Lina, is that it?  What about baby, bruv?"

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

"I'm sorry, what?!" Lina looked between both of them, now it was her turn to give Emre a look of 'what the fuck?' after hearing this. "What are you doing trying to kill a doctor for? Like there aren't enough problems on this island already." Honestly, considering how nobody was actually dead and this just caused emotions to all flare up, she didn't mind that for now the attention wasn't really on her. Nesh seemed to be more focused on the fact that he was pissed off at Emre than he was focused on her.

"Look, if he doesn't want to help, he doesn't have to help. I don't need him to give me a check up I feel fine." She tried to argue,  hoping it would get Nesh out of the picture sooner rather than later. "So Nesh, go back to whatever you were doing. Like you said, you're not the one who got me pregnant, so this is none of your business. I've got Emre here so that's good enough." She gestured towards Emre before crossing her arms over her chest and turning her head to avoid eye contact.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

As Lina was speaking, his eyebrows travelled further up his face. “Excuse me?”, he then started, “Do you just see me as the doctor on this island? Is that everything I’m good for or what?“ With his lips pressed together, he started pushing his wet curls out of his face - he’d just went for a swim in the beach, and had wanted to check on Lina, given they hadn’t seen each other since their last meeting - and this was taking turns he definitely didn’t like. 

“Yeah, okay, fine, Lina. Do you know how dangerous giving birth on this island will be? Do you know how many…this could go so horribly wrong.” Nesh had calmed down a little now, and a new tone had entered his voice - worry. “I don’t know if this is some sick kind of joke or prank you both are trying to pull, but if it’s not, this is literally fucking bad news.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Is that everything I'm good for? the doctor asked, of all things.  Bloody hell.  Emre felt a blip of sympathy for the poor bastard.  He looked at Lina again, wondering how she'd gotten herself into this situation.  To Emre, it now dawned completely: Neshdan Nanku had feelings, or a crush, or lust, or responsibility, or some soft spot for Lina.  Did that mean little Lina...had the doctor wrapped around her pretty little pinky finger?  Even after the mess with Madi, Emre thought he understood Lina, could banter mind games with her.  She was a familiar sort of serpent, similar to him.

But the doctor?  Bloody hell.

Of course, as much as Emre thought he understood Lina, still didn't mean he was immune to her tricks.  Hence him standing here, preparing for fatherhood.  The worry in Nesh's voice made Emre shake his head, a matching worry in his own voice.  "No prank.  It's been two months - one of which was in them bloody trees.  Just...don't call it bad man, that's nazar. Goal now is to keep everyone safe and alive, innit."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Lina let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose at Nesh's accusation. "God, you know that's not what I meant." Not that she had any intention of trying to explain herself. Because what was the point of getting into semantics about how she saw Nesh and what he was to her. And she definitely wasn't going to get into this conversation with Emre standing right there, thinking of himself as the father of her unborn child.

"I've already had the 'it's dangerous' lecture, okay? If you can find me a less dangerous alternative I'll take it." Now she was just feeling tense, she really wished that this could have been more seamless but now having to involve Nesh was added work and that put her on edge. "I don't know why your first assumption is to think it's a prank, like we've been sitting up all night thinking how to mess with you. Less negativity around here would be nice, you know."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

“Yeah, sure. Next time you, my friend,” Nesh weirdly underlined the word 'friend’ through the way he pronounced it, “decide to have a baby with my almost murderer, I’ll make sure to jump in circles out of excitement. Perhaps I’ll bake a cake, or I will help you prepare a gender reveal, which- Oh, right, no way to find out the gender in this place, given there’s no resources at all. What, do you want me to give you some coke instead of an epidural when I have to perform a C-section because there’s something wrong?” 

Nesh’s voice might have been calm and controlled, but his words were not. It wasn’t really anger speaking, but rather worry about Lina, and the actual dangers this pregnancy was making room for, then, because he just couldn’t help himself, he turned to Lina, eyebrows still furrowed, and asked: “What are your symptoms?”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

The sarcasm was strong, but familiar enough. So very British, really, so it rolled off Emre as mostly just Neshdan being exasperated, but not entirely angry.  Let the little teapot get all his steam out. 

Besides, this rant wasn't really directed towards Emre, was it?  Nesh's vitriol was all worry in the end - it had to be.   And Nesh had no concern about his almost murderer, other than his potential to hurt people.  People who Neshdan loved on this island.

Emre settled next to Lina, so Nesh was the only one standing.  "It's going to be alright, Linz.  Go on, let Nesh help you, yeah.   You're gonna be fine."  She seemed scared silly but trying to keep herself calm, in Emre's eyes.  Her petulance like a defense mechanism.  "Tell him how tired you get in the sun and that."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

While Emre might have picked up on Nesh's sarcasm and the worry that it stemmed from, all Lina saw was anger, maybe some kind of jealousy? Because she claimed she didn't want commitment and now here she was not too long after that talking about having a baby with another man who apparently tried to murder him. Emre seemed to stay quiet on that topic, rather not address it and stick with the baby matter instead.

"Right, well next time I accidentally get knocked up I'll ask the guy fucking me if he tried to kill you lately." she retorted back, a bit less calm and controlled than his own remarks. She let out a huff when he still decided to try and be helpful in some way by asking about her symptoms. Maybe she was annoyed or maybe she was just tired from getting worked up about this.

Emre sat down next to her and kindly reassured her that things would be fine, doing well at being calm and supportive. Lina reached over to gently caress his cheek like her way of saying thanks, partly in the hopes that it might annoy Nesh because he was annoying her right now. "Yeah, fine I get tired when I'm out in the sun too long, nausea and morning sickness, obviously." she gave her answers slowly, hoping it sounded like she was just uncomfortable talking about it when really she just needed an excuse to remember more symptoms that pregnant women got. "Uh, my boobs are really sore too, and, you know, I'm also very irritable." 

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

This was new, and Nesh totally hated it. Out of all the guys Lina could have chosen to sleep with in this damn place, she had chosen the guy he hated the most. He knew one thing for sure: His fear of changing his relationship with Lina through random hookups had been totally unnecessary, given she did the exact same thing through a random pregnancy (even if it hadn’t been on purpose), and if he saw them building their family like this in the next following months, he would go fucking mental. Nesh’s demeanor changed - from furiously mad to dangerously calm, and whatever worry he had felt about this whole situation banished from his face and his heart the moment Lina placed her hand on Emre’s cheek.

“All out of sudden. Like, one day to the other.” When he’d talked to Lina days ago, she had been totally fine. Though he had been the one in need of healthcare. And still, even now she didn’t seem happy that he knew - great.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Emre would say the pair of them bickered like a married couple, except the situation was a little too perverse, considering Emre was neck-deep in the mess as well.  He'd played sideman for many girlfriends and wives - Emre preferred it really.  In and out.  Let husband-and-wife deal with all the drama - but in this case it was different.  Of course it was different.  It was bloody Meridium.  It was his baby and Emre was terrified that he'd handed poor Lina a guaranteed death, if Tomas's horror birth stories and Iyaz's fear mongering were to be believed. (They absolutely were).

Now, being shouted at by another doctor, not just for baby-mummy-dangers, but for...something else Emre really didn't want to be involved in.  He focused on Lina, and her tits.  Well, she mentioned them, what else was he bloody supposed to look at.

"It weren't me,"  Emre said, about the whole 'Nesh's Almost-Murderer' title.  A cloudy glance at Nesh, who had put himself into automated-mode.  Good for him.  "Not that I couldn't murder the bloke; but why would I?  It were night, and you know how them whispers get at night, Linz.  Whisper these...terrible goads.  I acted without thinking, this poor bastard took the brunt of it.  Apologized and all too, but haters gotta hate innit." 

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Lina took a deep breath, trying to keep herself leveled during all of this. Make herself look like the bigger person. Just a frustrated pregnant woman who couldn't keep her emotions in check right now. But she had to figure out what to do about this, Nesh was moody, she was moody, Emre seemed kind of oblivious to the whole thing, or at least was more concerned about what this would all mean for the baby. 

She watched Nesh as he seemed to shift into his calm doctor mode, wondering what he was thinking right now, wondering if he might tell her if she got him alone. Only turning her attention over to Emre when he finally explained what this almost murder was about. "Well, see that makes sense. He didn't want to kill you, the voices in his head told him to. You can't completely hold that against him, especially if he said sorry." Maybe taking Emre's side on this wouldn't win her back any points with Nesh but Lina could understand the control of the voice from the trees. Making Madi cry wasn't as bad as nearly killing someone but she still knew from experience the kind of things these voices wanted them to do.

"And I guess you," she started, turning to Emre, lifting his head so his gaze wasn't glued to her chest. "Maybe don't go out with people in the middle of the night anymore? So you don't get any murderous urges? Is that enough to keep everyone civil at this impromptu check up?" She asked, looking between the both of them. "Or if you want to leave Nesh, that's fine too. I understand if helping is gonna be too weird for you."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Nesh turned to look at Lina as she spoke, and while his expression stayed empty, his eyes spoke a thousand words. It wasn’t exactly hatred, but rather a mixture of distaste and being stunned by this side of her, this part he had never gotten to see before. Lina’s words weren’t calming at all, but they confirmed what he had suspected: Emre was having the same intrusive thoughts other victim’s of the doppelgängers were having.

“I swore an oath.” he almost spit into Emre’s direction when he caught him immediately staring at Lina’s tits as soon as they were mentioned, “To help everyone, no matter their sexuality, age, appearance, or behavior. No matter my personal relationship to them. So yes, I will help as soon as help is needed.. Until then,” and with those words he turned to Lina, “you both better leave me the fuck alone.”

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

I understand if helping is gonna be too weird for you, Lina said.  And then Doctor Nanku gave that 'hippo-oath' speech (one Emre had heard many times from Iyaz.  Sometimes Emre would roll his eyes at the bombast, other times he'd kiss his brother in pride) before adding,  No matter my personal relationship with them.

That certainly wasn't about Emre.  He and Nesh had zero relationship, thanks to that stupid, fateful night.  But the point was, Lina and Nesh kept implying there was something more here than just a pissed-off doctor, disappointed at a woman who signed her death warrant for a careless fling with a fuckboy.

"Oi, don't talk to her like that,"  Emre said, knowing better but not caring.  "Lina deserves a bit of respect from someone who claims they got a 'personal relationship' with her, whatever that means." He looked at Lina.  "Right luv?"

Plaintively, Emre then asked Nesh,  "Don't you got them special pregnant vitamins or anything?  From the drought-stockpile, maybe?  Don't you want to...dunno...check her tummy and make sure it...feels right?"  Like in the shows, caring doctors pressing a woman's belly and saying 'it's fine, you're going to be fine'.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Lina would have happily slipped over the remark about personal relationships and tried to imply that it could have just meant this weird relationship between Nesh and Emre. The hostility Nesh seemed to have felt very personal for sure. But Emre decided that this phrasing was in reference to Lina, which, sure. They had their own personal stuff going on that would have been much easier to handle if he didn't have the worst timing imaginable.

"Well clearly whatever personal relationship we have doesn't deserve respect. Only means he feels obligated to help if he has to." Lina didn't even want his help, there was nothing to help. And surely at some point he would realize that if he managed to stick around. His reaction was probably the reaction she wanted Emre to have when she first made the lie. Pained and upset and uninterested in dealing with this so she could easily neg him on until he left.

"Emre! If he doesn't want to be here, he can go! I'm not gonna sit here and be felt up by a doctor who has no desire to see this go well! If he wants to be left the fuck alone, then lets just leave him the fuck alone."

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

"That’s right." Lina‘s and his relationship seemed to be all fucked up now, anyway, so he has nothing to loose, there were no wrong words to say. Normally, he didn’t get like this. Back in London he'd be so passive about everything - and now, after all these years, he was starting to be jealous. Not the best way to continue the day. Definitely not. 

…no desire to see this go well, Lina said, and he wanted to shake his head at that, but he just couldn’t. He just looked at them both, sitting there like that, ready to be parents. Nesh took a deep breath, nodded then. 

"You know where to find me.", was all he added, just to turn around to walk back to the doctor's hut. Hopefully, there would be a distraction.

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

And just like that, the doctor turned on his heel and stalked away, taking with him whatever pride and integrity he'd kept preserved, after all...this.  Emre waited for Nesh to leave completely, before he turned to Lina and gave her his wryest look.

"Him, really?  Playing your little mind games on that one?   Darling, he's...not like us.  I know what you're really about."  Said with a smugness that Emre didn't deserve, considering Lina was playing him this very minute.  He lifted Lina's hand, kissed her fingers. "Be careful who you wrap around these pretty little fingers.  I'll just break them if you cross me; but upstanding blokes like that can do far more damage innit." 

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

Lina knew that she had to take advantage of this bad mood Nesh had found himself in. It wasn't like she could just explain the situation to him whether Emre was there or not. How the hell do you tell someone you lied about being pregnant as a way to get back at someone else for laughing in your face and calling you desperate? Obviously he wouldn't understand and couldn't know. Even if all of this felt wrong.

She stared out watching Nesh leave, keeping her gaze focused on the same direction he walked off in up until he was gone from sight and Emre addressed...whatever all that was. "I'm not playing anything with him." She stated as he kissed her fingers, feeling so sure of himself that he was onto her. "You know I would never cross you, Papi." she cooed innocently, patting his cheek with her free hand. "And trust me, upstanding blokes have never been my type." Pulling her hand from his grasp, she stood up from her seat out in front of her home, taking with her the treats Emre had brought before telling him, "I'm going to take a nap." and leaving Emre outside as she stormed inside and shut the door behind her.

END.

[neshionals]

STRANDED TASK THREE (3).

TW: death.

Mentioned: @akbartheolder​

Note: THIS indicates spoken Gujarati.

When Aabha gets the call, she’s sitting in her regular nail salon. 

She’s not getting the same dark red she usually gets, and she later blames this change in habit for what happens next - her phone starts vibrating in her pocket and she apologizes when she tries to get it out without ruining the glorious, shiny lavender nail polish. Chandni, it says on the display, and the screen offers her one green and one red button. Aabha taps green, and lifts the phone to her ear. Her older sister is speaking Gujarati, and she’s violently sobbing, so violently, that Aabha cannot understand a word she says. “Calm.”, she says, and then waits for Chandni to calm down. This is bad. It really is. She isn’t sure if she’s heard the oldest Nanku sister cry before. “Is something with the girls, luv?”, she asks then, and glares at her nail lady, who keeps tugging on her hand. “Aabha.”, Chandni gasps out, and she can hear her two nieces yelling in the background. Her chest tightens. “Your husband?” She hands the lady double the money and leaves the salon with unfinished and messy nails. (Even years later, the color lavender will still make her feel sick and trapped.)

“No.” Chandni switches to English, and Aabha can hear her leaving the living room, or whatever room her nieces were playing in. “It’s Neshdan. There was a car crash.” Aabha pauses in the middle of the sidewalk. A grumpy old man runs into her and complains, but she completely disregards him. Suddenly, all she hears is white noise. It’s not that they are were best friends. It’s not that they willingly hang hung out with each other all the time. But Neshdan is was still her brother. “Okay.”, she says, in an attempt to calm herself down. “Okay.” It takes her ten minutes to get to her car, and when she’s finally sitting inside, she grips the steering wheel so hard that it makes little cracking noises. “And mum?” Aabha asks, “Has anyone told mum? Shya? Rahi? Naani? When will he get out of the hospital? How bad is it?” Chandni chokes on a cry. “Aabha, he was out near Thames, with that one doctor friend he has. He drowned, Aabha. They were’t even able to find his corpse.”

Aabha blacks out.

Four days later, she’s sitting on a couch, trapped between Rahi and Shya, and she’s being stared at by Nesh. He looks ugly in the picture her mother chose to display. Shya is crying. Her mother looks empty, and she has never seen her like this before. She’s lost her favorite child, of course, the golden boy. Rahi starts crying, too, and Aabha escapes, heels hitting the ground as she makes her way into the room she and Chandni used to share - it’s packed with childhood memories. 

Aabha uses one of her heeled feet to kick some of the boxes. Then she kicks the doorframe, and the bed, and the wall, and when her foot hurts so much that she can’t even move her toes anymore she stops and breaks down. She cries for five minutes, and then she promises herself to never cry ever again, not about Nesh, not about his death. 

The woman opens her eyes, and something catches her attention. It’s a picture that’s fallen onto the ground. It’s from one of the boxes she left in this room when she had moved apartments a while ago. She uses her arm to wipe tears and snot and messy makeup away, and looks at the picture. She’s surprised to see his face, she really is. She hasn’t thought of him in ages (A lie. She thinks of him every time she sits in her car and has to drive for longer than an hour, and she remembers his hands on the steering wheel, remembers his slang and his words and his eyes and his lips. Sometimes she thinks of him at night, when she’s alone in her bed and her apartment is so quiet and sickeningly empty.) “My getaway car.”, she croaks out and rushed to pull her phone out of her bag, but when she dials his number and calls him up;

“The number you have dialed is not in service.”

She waits a moment, then she throws the picture away, angry, mad, fuming, and dials Nesh’s number. She hasn’t called him in months. Hasn’t spoken to him in ages, not since last year’s Diwali.

“You have reached the mailbox of: Neshdan Nanku! Currently not available, leave a message after the tone.”

The beep is deafening in Aabha’s ears, and she throws the phone across the room. Then, after five minutes she raises from where she was sitting, and she picks up the phone to dial a third number.

Lila picks up immediately.

“Hello? Who is this?”, she asks, and Aabha immediately regrets calling. “Of course you have already deleted my number, you snake.”, she spits into the phone, “You’re a fucking bitch. I hate you with my whole heart. I will destroy you and your life as soon as you get the chance.” She’s yelling now, completely furious, “Neshdan is dead! Nesh is dead and it’s all your fault” She hangs up and doesn’t hear the gasp Lila lets out, and now she’s crying bitter tears. Chandni enters the room, but she doesn’t even hear, doesn’t even notice. Her heart aches so badly that it almost falls out her chest, and now that she’s said the words out loud, it finally feels realer than it did before. She’s crying in her sisters arms, bitter tears and violent sobs, and she’s repeating the words over and over again: He’s dead. We’re all alone now.

She sits through the ceremony that they have to do without a body, and through tears and hugs and words from family members and strangers.

Their life is not the same ever again, but after some time, they are all doing okay - just not on holidays. Holidays, those are the worst.