#namely that we just don't give a fuck about sex and we'd like to stop having that questioned every time our sexuality is brought up

[calling-the-angels]

It's a narrow-minded view of what "oppression" looks like and turns the conversation into a competition about who is more oppressed or who is "actually" oppressed... with the added disgusting wish for someone to face MORE abuse because of their sexual identity. 🤨😒

It's actually depressing that in this day and age, we still have queers drawing lines in the sand of the LGBTQIA+ community instead of recognizing that we're all standing on fucking SAND and the tides are awfully threatening right now...

“I wish asexuals were as oppressed as they say they are.” = “I refuse to educate myself on how allonormativity negatively affects acespec people and how they are harshly treated (*abused) in an allonormative society.”

[4ngelx-x]

Early Morning Call.

⇾ This chapter mentions sex, drug use, fights and alcohol. If you are sensitive to this type of content, please skip.

Guys, forgive my level of English, it's not my first language.

Late at night.

I don't usually wake up in the middle of the night. I'm always too tired since I broke up with her, I never have time to rest, I try to keep busy all the time.

I spend the day photographing, if not rehearsing, and when I'm not doing any of that, I go traveling. There was no time for thoughts like that. But tonight was different.

Lisa's call💗

I woke up late at night to my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. I checked the name again and saw that it was hers. The same name as when she gave me her number. I don't have the heart to change it.

I scratch my eyes to make sure it was that name, and I'm sure when it shows up as a missed call and the call comes through again.

— Please Y/N — I had just accepted the call and she didn't give me time to answer it, speaking in a tearful voice — Don't hang up.

— I'm not going, is everything all right, Lisa?

— Please Y/N - I hear her agonized voice — I need you so much, I can't do it without you.

— Elisa, are you drunk? — I ask worriedly.

— I miss your hugs, I miss the way you boss me around, I miss the way we used to be together, I miss your kisses, your mouth - she whispers into the phone — I miss you.

Her voice comes out slurred, as if she's speaking without thinking.

I remember what it was like when she drank, she let loose, danced the way she wanted, acted the way she wanted and also said what she wanted. I remember when we'd go out and she'd pull me up to dance in front of everyone, even when there was no one there, when she'd spin me around until we were dizzy.

— I need you, Y/N. I need you as much as I need water to survive — I hear her sigh on the other end of the line — I swear I've tried to move on, I've tried meeting other people, having sex, kissing, but I can't stop thinking about you.

You had sex with other people?

— I did everything you asked me to do, but I failed. I'm sorry, please forgive me — I'm startled when I hear her cry — I need you, Y/N.

I used to love stroking her hair, I remember when we sat on the bed on our day off and did nothing all day, we'd just sit there on our cell phones, watching a movie, chatting away, having sex all the time, drinking wine. But that all went down the drain.

— Remember when you told me you didn't want to see my face anymore? You told me that I should get on with my life, meet other people and forget about you — he says in a slurred voice — I couldn't, the girls tried to cheer me up, Sakina took me to parties, Jean-François introduced me to friends and no one could get you out of my head.

They were all my friends, we went out together, we went out as a couple. They said we were the most beautiful couple of all. It seems that now they no longer have that opinion.

— I miss how you made me feel, when you touched me, how you caressed me, how you sucked me — she whispers the last part.

We'd have sex anywhere, we'd already tried out every room and piece of furniture in her new house. We had sex whenever we could. We had sex all the time.

— I can't bear to be without you, I can't bear to be without your affection, I can't bear to be without your hugs? — She says with a slurred voice - Remember that time I went a few games without winning and I was frustrated and we had sex 10 minutes before I went on the pitch and we won with a goal of my own?

I laugh mentally at the memory.

— We called it the lucky fuck, because the team went the rest of the season without losing — I hear a muffled laugh — That day I dedicated my goal to you, but you don't know that when I scored that goal I was remembering you cumming in my mouth.

I get up from the bed, trying to get rid of the sensation she had made between my legs. She always did that to me, talking dirty to me everywhere, teasing me and making me horny. When that time we were at a super-acclaimed awards ceremony and she was in the middle of the red carpet, in front of all the cameras and photographers, telling me she wanted to suck me off in front of all those people, so everyone could see how beautiful I am moaning, that had finished me off, me always standing cross-legged trying to relieve the tension she was causing me. Just like now, crossing my legs trying to get rid of that feeling.

— I wanted to taste you again, how good you make me feel and how good it is to hear you moaning in my ear, begging me not to stop — I hear a moan from her.

Was she realizing how long she'd been on the phone?

— Tell me you don't miss it too — The voice comes out like a breath — Tell me you don't miss how I made you feel, how I could make you come in two minutes anywhere…

I drink the glass of water on the bedside table, wetting my throat, which has gone dry.

— Talk to me Y/N - That voice again - I need to hear your voice…

— You're just drunk Elisa, go take a cold shower and go to sleep — I mean it.

— I love it when you take care of me, even though I don't deserve it. — She speaks with a tearful voice again.

When you saw Y/N, you saw Elisa. Because where one went somewhere, the other followed. There's no Elisa without Y/N and there's no Y/N without Elisa. Until that day, that damn day.

— Please Elisa, don't call me again, not like that…

— What way - she replies quickly.

— Drunk - I say worried - Why are you drunk? Again. You're out drinking almost every day, this isn't good for you, if you want to destroy your life, do it away from me, take me away from your close friends, I don't want to see you like this.

Drinking, lots of drinking and drugs. Almost every night. I avoided looking, but Instagram always reminded me.

— I want to smell you again, I want to feel you. Please, let's talk properly?

We never talked, it was never just talk, because it always ended in sex, that's how we always got back together. But I promised myself I wouldn't fall for it again.

I hear the sound of a bottle in the background, as if it had fallen from somewhere.

— Did you know that every night I read that verse from that book you gave me two months ago that's next to our photo? The girls hate that photo, but I like it, we'd just woken up after having sex all night, I like it because I like the way your hair looks when you wake up, and how sincere your smile is in the morning.

That night we'd had a fight, but the fight was no longer about hot kisses and silly hands, we had sex everywhere, even I accidentally broke a glass when she threw me over the sink. We were so drunk that we spent more than 10 minutes laughing. It was the night I had the most fun in my entire life

— We're so good together, why do you want to leave? You're the love of my life, I can't let you go like this without fighting for you - I say between sobs.

— I love you, Lisa, but it's best if we stay apart. Until you get better - I said, wanting to cry

I had never stopped loving her. I'd broken up with her for the best, but she seemed to have got worse.

I remember it like it was yesterday, I'd just come back from a work trip, I hadn't told Elisa I'd be home early. When I opened the living room door, I saw her with one of her friends, sniffing powder on the table. That image of her sniffing was stuck in my head. She was doing drugs on the living room table, as if that was a good thing to do.

We fought all night.

Fame had gone to her head after the World Cup, when everyone saw that she was really good. It must have been that night that started it, when all the girls asked her out and I decided to stay in the apartment and let her have fun on her own. When she came back, she came back strange, but I didn't notice, because she fucked me in every way she could. After that day, the fights started to be almost constant, but we always ended the same way, she spent her days apart and it all made sense when I saw her doing it.

— WHAT THE FUCK! - I laugh, denying what I'd just seen.

She gets up startled and her friend gets up too.

— Ma chatter, let me explain - She tries to get close to me.

— Don't touch me, Elisa! - I shout in disgust at what she's just done.

I walk from the living room to the bedroom as quickly as possible, carrying my suitcase so that I could put more clothes in it. I was going to leave this house.

— Please, mon amour, don't do this. I can explain, I swear.” She speaks with a strong accent, due to her nervousness

She tried to stop me putting the clothes in the suitcase, but I intervened.

— I don't want an explanation Elisa, I saw what I saw, it doesn't need an explanation - I say, trying to get her hands off my clothes.

I closed the suitcase with difficulty and pulled it out, as it had become very heavy.

— Please, mon amour, let me show you that I can do better, but don't leave me, please - she tries to stop me.

I slap her with all my strength.

— Don't ever try to do that again, don't touch me and don't try to stop me from leaving — I say, looking her in the face — You're destroying your life and now you've destroyed our relationship… You, more than anyone, know everything that happened to me, and you want this nightmare to come back?

Her eyes fill with tears, but she keeps trying to get in front of me.

— Please don't leave — she tries again to get in front of me.

— It's over Elisa, I don't want to look you in the face anymore — She's startled by the word “over” — Don't call me anymore, don't text me, don't do anything related to me, until you get better and regret it.

— Ma chatter, please don't do this to me — She was red, trying to hold back the tears.

I couldn't look at her like that, but after what I saw, I can't look at her anymore. I wouldn't go through that again. I'd seen my family destroyed by it once and it seems to have destroyed it again.

— Get on with your life Elisa, try to get on with your life, find other people, meet new people and forget about me — I try not to cry in front of her.

I pull my suitcase out of the apartment and don't look back, lest I regret it.

We spent the night arguing over phone calls, her asking me to come back to talk and me wandering aimlessly around the city with a huge suitcase in my hands. She was on drugs, saying nonsensical things…

— Are you still there? — I hear her voice on the other end of the line — I can hear you breathing, is everything all right?

She knew me so well. I feel angry about that.

— Let's talk, please, I've gotten better, I swear to you — She says — Do you know what day it is?

I spend every day very busy, working from Sunday to Sunday, I don't have time to look at the calendar, let alone the clock.

— Today was supposed to be our two-year anniversary — she laughs disappointedly — That's why I couldn't bear it. I can't do without you. You're my life, Y/N, give me a chance to show that I've improved.

I look at the clock on my dressing table. 3am. She's drunk, she has a match tomorrow and she hasn't even rested.

— Elisa, please, go take a shower and go to sleep — I say, trying not to cry — Just do it, please.

— I swear I post that, but I don't do anything. I've gotten better. I don't do any more of that — She sighs and gives up — I love you Y/N, bye. I hope you'll watch the match, I swear I'm fine, I just called to remind you that you're the love of my life.

I love you, Elisa. I love you so much that it hurts and I can't heal it…

[strangersteddierthings]

Untitled Song

An installment in the The Interview universe.

"This is a love song."

"What? No, it's not!" Steve argues, looking back down at the notebook.

"It reads like a love song. The little bit you just sang for me has love song vibes," Robin leans more of her weight onto Steve's back, where she's standing over his shoulder reading the lyrics.

He stares down at the page. "Yeah. Okay. I see it. But, like, I didn't mean it to be all love song vibey."

"I would do it again if I could hold you for a minute," Robin reads in a flat tone, unimpressed.

"Okay! Stop, I don't- I mean- ugh!" Steve slumps forward, resting his forehead on the page of lyrics. "Okay, fine, but like, in context I'm clearly talking about like, reliving my whole life. I would do it all again."

"Did you just say that this is clearly about your whole life because if so, I want to be on the same drugs as you," Robin pushes off of him to move around the table and plop into the chair across from him. She tries her best to level him with a stare, but he doesn't give her the satisfaction by refusing to lift his head. The downside of being soulmates, she decides. He knows what she's going to do and when and can, therefore, avoid it. "Look, I get that he was, like, your first love and high school sweetheart but he couldn't have been that good of a fuck. It was just inexperience that made-"

"Robin!" Steve shouts over her, looking at her now so she can see his scandalized expression. Ha! She takes it back. It's an upside to being soulmates because she knows exactly what to say to rial him up. "It's not about the sex! It's about all of it. Everything. I don't- what Eddie did was shitty and it fucking hurt, but that was ten years ago. This song is about everything."

She doesn't see it that way, but even with how well she's able to read him, Steve's mind has always had its own way of thinking she can't quite nail down. With a sigh, she says, "Alright. Benefit of doubt time. Explain the song to me."

"It's not just about Eddie. It's about my whole life. You know how my parents were, how high their expectations were and how I had to hide almost everything about me while I lived with them. That's the my life was a storm since I was born. How could I fear any hurricane bit. And if I hadn't dated Eddie, like, at all. Well, I was already on the track to being an asshole in elementary school. Can you imagine who I would have been in high school if I was still that kid?

"It's also, like, if Eddie and I had stayed together... If we hadn't- I hadn't broken up with him, would I have met Dustin? Or Lucas and Max? Will or Mike, Nancy, and Jonathan? It's like, the years directly after Hey Steve were absolute dogshit, yeah, but it brought me all the people I love now," Steve looks down to the page again, either avoiding her eye contact or finding it too much. She's not sure which one. "If Eddie and I had stayed together there was only option for my future. Once the car had been fully put in my name, I'd have told Eddie to pick a city and we'd have left, for Eddie to chase his dream while I chased him. I wouldn't have gone to Chicago with you, never had the money to purchase that first place to live with you. Maybe never have discovered I loved interior design and house renovation. So, I would do it all again. It brought me my family."

She understands, now, what the lyrics really mean to him. However, she's also the one person in the whole world close enough to Steve to actually see it. "I get what you are saying. But these lyrics do not tell that story. Knowing your reasoning behind it does make me see them that way. But no one who hears that is going to know your tragic backstory."

"So, should I re-write this?"

"Depends. What is your goal with this... statement. What is the best case scenario."

Steve blinks at her. "Oh. Uh, best case, huh? I guess... I want to talk to Eddie, again. We parted on real bad terms, and I think I want closure from that?"

She narrows her eyes at him, judging. "Are you angry, like, at all?" She is. She's still furious with Eddie. His fucking song had blown Steve's life up virtually overnight. But also, she had thought they were friends, too. She hadn't realized their friendship was conditional, with that condition being he and Steve having to be in a relationship.

And, yeah, logically she knows she was Steve's friend first and it would be easy to default to believing she'd be on Steve's side but she wasn't. Not at first.

When Steve had shown up at her house, having gone straight from Eddie's to hers after he told them they were over, she'd held him through the night as he cried. But in the morning, she'd told him she needed to check on Eddie. He was her best friend, too. But Wayne told her he was gone, left last night to Chicago. Wayne had offered her a ride there with him, after he got Eddie's van running again and went to take it to him.

She said she'd think about it. Tried to reach out over all the socials, but Eddie didn't even check them, and then Hey Steve came out and there wasn't any room left in her to care about Eddie and his emotional state.

Not anymore. Not when he'd left her, too. Not when, even after Robin had made her own way to fame, he declined to meet with her. She'd tried to reach out but who was she, a new comer to the music scene and barely known, to Eddie Fucking Munson, lead guitarist to Corroded Coffin?

"I mean, sure, but like... it's been ten years. I don't- I have better things to think about than how mad I was... am? at Eddie. We were friends, first, y'know. And it's complicated. You know this," Steve says.

"Yeah, yeah," Robin waves off his words, "you're whole Eddie was a part of my life for longer than he's been gone from it thing. I'm not sure that the fifteen years of your childhood should be counted the same as this decade of adulthood."

"I get that you don't want to forgive him, and that's fine. But, forgiveness or not, I want closure."

"Okay. Keep the song as is."

"Really?"

"Yes," Robin says, a Cheshire cat grin spreading across her face. If Steve records and shares what sounds like a love song, there's almost a 100% chance that Gareth will reach out again. She knows they're expecting to see an angry and hurt Steve, but instead they'll get this? Robin's not above playing unfair. She hopes this breaks Eddie, consumes him with a guilt as deep as the original hurt felt. "I think we should let everyone think it's your sad, pathetic, pining for a decades-old-love song. It'll definitely get Gareth reaching out to me and my team again."

"Gareth's reached out?"

"It's his job. He's Corroded Coffin's PR Manager now, apparently. When Lauri told me Gareth had reached out, I asked to be included in the call. Anyway, not the point. The point is, if you want to talk to Eddie, this love song is the trick."

"It's not a love song!"

"Whatever you say, Dingus. Sing it again so I can imagine the music to go with it."

[theworldvsyoshiko]

And for starting off...

The ideoligion for this run is the Dancing Flock.

They've got a lot of precepts. This is just the relatively high impact ones.

To summarize:

Any non-defensive violence is bad, against humans or animals.

Killing too, although if it's done defensively it's not as bad.

No eating meat or wearing leather.

No limits on sex and marriage. No judgment for extramarital sex.

Gotta maintain a hospital, with a size that scales with the colony, but the medical treatments are automatically a higher quality.

Alcohol and social drug use are allowed and encouraged. (More on that later.)

Mostly I just love the names here, but also: Orgy. I had to do a non-negligible amount of testing to reassure myself that the orgies seem pretty good at sticking to people who are 18+ Graphically it just kinda shows everyone dancing near each other, so don't gotta worry about that.

As for how this is going to work, as I mentioned before, the guidelines I'm setting are basically hedonic calculus: maximize the total pleasure. So...

Obviously the hedonism, of course, although short-lived hedonistic pleasures take a back seat to more long-term oriented things like 'having enough food to eat' and 'stopping people from bleeding out.' Despite the hedonism meme, this group is going to spend a lot more time bandaging wounds and building guest rooms than having drug binges, especially for the first year or two.

No killing if at all possible, but doing so in self-defense is allowed if it can't be avoided.

Any hostiles must be taken alive if possible, given quality medical care, and released. This includes animals. If they have scaria, we've gotta try to cure the scaria if possible. If a fucking lion tries to eat one of the group's members and they beat it unconscious to survive, we've gotta heal the lion.

For that matter, anybody who gets incapacitated must be helped, even if it has nothing to do with this group. If a wolf gets beaten unconscious by its intended prey, the group needs to haul that poor wolf in and heal it. Anybody who's injured but still ambulatory is on their own, though, because we can't force them into medical care.

Don't gotta give people quality prosthetics, though, at least not until the group has the resources to do that easily.

Obviously no organ-harvesting or blood extraction from unwilling participants.

Drug use is cool, but harder drugs are still discouraged, since it takes a lot of pleasure to counterbalance permanent liver damage. This group won't demand drugs, but I'd be halfassing it if I didn't make sure that they have an ample amount and variety eventually.

I'm not setting many firm limits on recruitment, but the main one is: anybody who wants to become a full permanent member of the colony must follow the Dancing Flock. Since this group doesn't have the proselytization meme, their ability to convert non-prisoners is... limited. So, most people who show up asking to join are going to get turned away. However, anybody who's injured or in danger needs to be helped first.

Once the group's in position to, anybody who wants to join but isn't eligible to stay must be shipped off to a friendly destination via drop pod. Preferably with some money to help them get back on their feet.

Gotta fulfill all charity requests, except for: 1) beggars who ask for a fuckton of medicine, because medicine is going to be in real short supply, you cannot believe how quickly this setup can go through medicine and 2) people who ask to join and aren't Dancing Flock members.

Thanks to the Hospital mod, there will in fact be an actual fucking hospital. Random people can show up and request medical care, which the group must give them. However, there's a charge for it, because they do have to keep the lights on. If people receive good medical care, it increases their faction's opinion of the group.

And thanks to Hospitality, other people can come by and enjoy the eventually-world-class rec room and other accommodations, and we'd like them to be happy too. Similarly, this can cost money, and anybody who enjoys their stay will put a good word in with their faction.

The goal is simple: to bring world peace by making every single (non-hidden) faction on the planet like us. I'm using Friendly Hostile Factions to make it so everybody is open to diplomacy, but I'm also using a custom scenario that makes every faction start off with an absolutely horrible opinion of this group. It's entirely possible that only one or two factions will be non-hostile at the start. We've got a few ways to raise their opinions:

Capturing, healing, and releasing their members who show up in raids.

Healing their members in the hospital.

Hosting their members in the resort.

The usual trade and stuff.

Obviously hostile people won't show up and ask for medical care, so the 'catch and release' method will be the primary way of buddying up to pirates and bandits. To make this a little easier, I'm also disabling mech and insectoid factions and some associated events. If I can't befriend it, I don't wanna see it.

[royalrudberg]

My thoughts on RWRB, in no particular order because my brain doesn't work like that:

SPOILERS AHEAD

These are my opinions/thoughts after the first watch through (of course I'm gonna re-watch several times) but don't be mad at me please I'm sensitive

Things I loved

I spent the first full hour smiling and laughing. It put the Com in Romcom. And then the lake scene plunged me into a pit of despair, but in a good way.

Alex was Alex and Henry and was Henry. Like Nick and Taylor really got their characters and did them so much justice and the chemistry was chemistry-ing

Miguel! He was fun and flirty. I wasn't expecting him at all but I think his addition really worked for two reasons: it saved Alex time in figuring out his sexuality so we get ahead into him + Henry, and it gave an explanation for the leaking of the emails without being as politically charged as in the book, because some people, especially if they're not American, don't care about that part as much

Amy is so fucking funny

Zahra is even more funny

Casting! Pez was perfect! Philip was amazing! Papa Diaz delivered the dad vibes for sure. I wish Bea had more screen time. Shaan was good (and very handsome) And don't get me started on UMA FUCKING THERMAN!!

I know we'd have preferred to have both June and Nora but I think that for the purpose she served to the plot just Nora was fine. Movie!Nora was a combination of book!Nora and June. It worked.

GET LOW GET LOW GET LOW

Henry pretending to look for a book when Amy comes into the red room absolutely killeddddd me

Ellen talking about getting Alex on Truvada. Real AF.

Henry doing karaoke!

"I thought Alexander Gabriel Claremont-Diaz was a mouthful." "He is."

"Shut up stop talking" and "You're late", followed by him trying to close the door

The texting/messaging and emails. They included enough for you to get the idea and to show the passage of time and they did in a cool way that didn't take too much of the screen time. Also Henry being "in the room" when they're on the phone was so cute!

Alex being nervous and awkward about having sex with Henry was perfect! It felt very real

Criticisms:

Henry going to fidget with his ring,realizing Alex is wearing it, and that little smile at each other. Fucking beautiful

Alex reading OLS

I wanted Henry singing God save the King

We didn't get to see Catherine? But at least she didn't get Juned.

No powerpoint??? Even though Ellen giving him the talk was plenty funny.

Fucking eyelashes! Miguel mentioned them, but I don't think Herny did? Why notttt??

Random but I would have rather had the conversation in the tack room than the whole polo mantage. We get it, he's hot.

Leo?!? I knew June wasn't there but his parents still being together was so random to me? Not necessarily bad just random.

I really wanted to see Alex standing in the rain...also the dialog there kinda threw me off? Like I know it was heartfelt and emotional or whatever but the "and I'll bother you no longer" part didn't feel like that version of Alex. Kinda took me out of the moment.

Maybe I just wanted more Stephen Fry, but that resolution was a little too easy/cheesy

Idk if it was my ADHD or Taylor's pronunciation but I had to turn on the subtitles because I kept not understanding him?

Questions:

Did they have to change Henry's name? Like bc of the actual royal family?

Can the presidents spouse still have a seat in Congress? Is that allowed?

[eriyu]

i beat xvi so here are my reactions from along the way

for posterity (my future self is posterity)

i did not do this in any kind of organized way like i think i skipped writing anything down for big portions of the game;;;

spoilers obviously. and also after this i'm going to start reblogging xvi things including spoilers tagged #ffxvi so. be warned.

i guess i'll link my demo impressions because this is basically a continuation of that.

a mite predictable so far....... though i did think cid was gonna crystallize instead of regular dying.

GODDDDDD i wish there were a chatlog. or at least that dialogue were progressed manually. i don't have the focus for this shit when i can't even rewind it.

i love the combat a lot. which is weird to think seeing as i'm very much a turn-based fan and really. don't play action games ever. but it feels very kingdom hearts to me? there's even shotlock.

THE BIG MOMENTS ARE SO SO GOOD. A+ ON THE MELODRAMA.

clive is prime whump material and i love it.

some of the worldbuilding is a little baffling... mostly ORCS? REALLY? WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY CLASSIC FF OPTIONS TO CHOOSE FROM.

personal preference i guess but i feel like they could chill with the "mature content" a bit....... how many sidequests do we need to drive home how shit Bearers are treated. how many random sex workers does one game need.

i was going to complain about linearity, but things opened up nicely soon after i thought it, so props there LOL

i know it's supposed to be "dark" but like.... i want to fall in love with a game world. i want to wish i lived there. i want unique local flavors and COLOR. most of this so far is just generic medieval squalor. even places like the treno slums had beautiful waterways and plucky npcs and... COLOR...

jill feels like......... an afterthought. sometimes she's there; sometimes she's not, and it doesn't seem to matter either way. she barely talks. we haven't seen shiva in game since we first met back up with her. there's a vague implication that jill's doing important things but that's kind of it???

jill update: okay Things Happening but like. now she's out of commission? i'm getting sacrificed-for-man-pain vibes. i don't know; it's too soon to say that, but it just doesn't feel great.

the state of the realm UI is SOOOOO good. it's a bit of an overload in the way xiii's datalog was, but it's fine if i remind myself i can read things Later.

oh my god i love shotlocking a zillion enemies in a tornado.

i really love mid but "midadol" sounds like a pharmaceutical.

CANON GAYS?????

ultima looks like a tumblr lumpy-faced reptilian oatmeal man.

the voice acting is so good. like clive's screaming and crying reminds me of dub gaara's "MY BLOOOOOOD" which is the highest compliment i can possibly give.

oh my godddddddd the fighting at twinside is giving alexandria. again, in the best possible way.

okay seriously where the fuck is leviathan though. i keep wondering when leviathan is going to show up and i'm starting to think he's... not.

jesus christ i couldn't stop thinking about clive and joshua and dion today. i want to eat them.

look i KNOW clive and josh had a really good reunion moment in twinside but consider this: i want another one. i think they should have had another one at the hideaway. i want more tenderness. i deserve more tenderness.

they pronounce "chocobo" AND "popoto" with a short o in the middle like "chock" and "pot" and i'm so uncomfortable.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME. WE LIKE JUST PROMISED JOTE WE'D KEEP JOSHUA SAFE AND NOW WE'RE SPLITTING UP. i'm so afraid everybody will die.

all the xiv references ;w; for some reason it's the quest names that keep getting me??? "through the maelstrom" this time.

i REALLY really wish jill's character didn't just revolve around clive.............. is my impression but i don't know if that's entirely fair of me. like if i made a list of bullet points i don't know that she's any worse than say, tifa with cloud. but it Feels worse. i WANT to love her, but i'm just not feelin' it.

god i want to be able to switch between two eikon/ability sets. i want a single-target setup and a trash mob setup. not even to switch mid-battle; i know that could be OP, just switchable in the menu.

i legit panic every time joshua leaves the party. like NO we're supposed to be WATCHING HIM??????? EVERYBODY IS GOING TO DIE IF I LET MY GUARD DOWN. also i love him. i can't stop thinking about him. continuing the proud tradition of square enix joshuas (being loved by me).

"EVEN LEVIATHAN THE LOST IS HERE" OH THANK FUCK.

uhhhhhhhhhh active time lore is absolutely giving me spoilers? MAJOR spoilers??? what the hell????????

reverie givin' me legend of dragoon vibes. like wingly stuff. i love it.

daaAAAAAMN zantetsuken OP????? but as it should be tbh. i love it.

hey

hey

HEY

i'm sad.

for real i. i feel like i'm not as upset as i COULD be because i was really emotionally preparing for Everyone to Die through the whole game. but wow. this still hurts.

i actually got maliciously spoiled with "clive dies" before i even got the game in my hands and partly succeeded at not letting that ruin the experience for me, but. damn i had a little bit of hope that it was a fake spoiler until i saw his hand.....

jesus christ though. ow.

i mean it was a largely satisfying ending. the fights were good. the Moral of the Story felt a lil heavyhanded but i do love the Power of Friendship. it could have been a lot sadder. but i'm such a sucker for a real happy ending o|--<

i think trying to brute force myself into liking jill more has made me like her less;;;;;;;;; i will try a different approach. her getting left behind for the end didn't help though. for the record i'm talking about liking her as a character. she's a perfectly lovely person.

holy fuck i'm emotional about joshua though.

oh no the post-credit scene made me sadder. it feels like a character flaw of mine but anything about losing magic, ever, makes me SO SO SAD. even when i KNOW it's supposed to make for a happy ending. like in kiki's delivery service when she can't hear jiji anymore??? fucking destroys me and not in the good way.

and joshua........... o|--<

i've really been looking forward to finishing so i could go look up shippy things but i just feel like. oof. now. i need to marinate for a while first. this isn't the time for shipping.

[casspurrjoybell-22]

Dream Eater - Chapter 1 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

A door slams and I hear footsteps running after me down the sidewalk.

"Alex... Alex, wait. It didn't mean anything, okay? Wait."

Max catches up with me and grabs my arm.

I shake him off and keep going.

Up and down the busy, shop-lined street, people stop and stare, like spectators at the theater, enjoying the free show.

Max begins to lose his patience.

"Alex, seriously. You're being a bitch. It's not like you never slept with anyone else."

My boyfriend... scratch that... my ex-boyfriend is making a scene because I just broke up with him over a dream.

I know that sounds stupid but let me explain.

I'm a dream-eater: a kind of low-level incubus, only instead of sexual energy, I feed off the energy of people's dreams.

We're the poor cousins of the demon world.

I'm doubly cursed.

Not only am I a lowly dream-eater but my affinity is for nightmares.

You see, dream-eaters experience a person's dream as we consume its energy.

Which means I have to live out other people's nightmares just to eat.

Max's most recent nightmare was about me finding out he's been sleeping with some other dude named Carl.

Now, sometimes dreams are just dreams, right?

But when he woke up and I asked him who Carl was, I knew that in this case, it was more.

To make matters worse, he then decided to pull out the whole 'You sleep with other people, too' argument.

And now, when I don't respond to his charming entreaties, he brings it up again as he trails behind me past a crowded café, drawing the interested attention of a group of octogenarians dining on the patio outside.

"You know what? Fine. You can sleep around with other people but I can't. I get it. Because for you it's business, isn't it? Well you know what that makes you, Alex? A whore."

He spreads his arms wide and addresses the impromptu audience of his self-made soap opera.

"You hear that, fuckers?" he yells. "Alex Shade is a fucking whore."

I turn around and punch him in the face.

Then I keep walking.

First of all, it isn't true.

I mean yes... I sleep with people.

And it is for business.

But that business isn't sex.

It's dreams.

More specifically, it's nightmares.

The more powerful, the more unpleasant the dream, the more energy it gives me.

So in that way, it's worthwhile to seek out the worst of the worst... the minds so tortured they'll pay anything to be rid of the nightmares making life unlivable and turning sleep into hell.

The downside is... as I said... I have to live the nightmare to absorb its power.

Which is why I figure it's fair that people pay me to rid them of their awful dreams.

It's a living.

Except for the last few months I'd given that up and been perfectly happy to do so.

I'd met Maxwell Craig at a club and we'd connected instantly.

He told me about his nightmares and I listened with understanding and sympathy.

Later, I ate his dreams and he felt better.

Somewhere along the way, I guess I mistook our mutual co-dependence for something more and when I'd seen that latest dream, it had hurt a lot more than I'd expected.

I don't know why it came as a surprise.

I mean, it's not like he ever said he loved me and he's clearly not the long-term type.

Still, even a low-level demon likes to think he's something special to someone.

So much for that.

I walk a few more blocks before slowing my pace.

My physical form tires easily, especially after I've been upset.

Emotions take a lot of energy, after all.

Belatedly, I realize that walking away from Max means I've also walked away from the one, tiny piece of security I had in this world.

I have no job, no home and very little money... but at least I have a plan.

There's a coffee shop across the street with free Wi-Fi advertised in the window and I make my way over and go in.

I dig in the pockets of my jeans and come up with just enough change to buy a small coffee.

The girl behind the register gives me a look as she takes my crumpled dollar and handful of mixed coins.

Clearly, this is the sort of place that expects customers to actually put something in the tip jar.

I give her a crooked smile instead.

I may not be a super-sexy, high-level incubus but I'm damned cute and I know it.

She smiles back uncertainly and hands me my coffee.

Oh well.

My appeal has always been stronger with male humans anyway.

I take my cup of coffee and find a seat near the windows.

After a frustrating struggle connecting to the Wi-Fi, I log into my old profile on the job app I use and update the status to 'active.'

I bill myself as a 'dream doctor' guaranteed to end your nightly torment.

Not the most elegant advert but it seems to work well enough.

Before I finish my coffee, my cell-phone pings with a notification.

A hit and it's close.

I open it and read the note.

Hello,

I'm interested in meeting and discussing your services. Please reply promptly.

Damien Knight

Interesting.

I touch the reply icon and start to type.

Hi, I'm free this afternoon. Where would you like to meet?

I wait and a few seconds later another message pings.

Can you come to my home? The address is 1665 Greenwood Dr.

Hmm.

Usually, I like to meet in public first.

I mean you never know these days. I might be a demon but my physical form can still get murdered as easily as any mortal.

Only instead of whatever happens to humans, my spirit would have to roam around searching for a new vessel.

Probably for years, if not decades.

Been there, done that.

No thanks.

Still, he had good grammar.

That had to count for something, right?

I hesitate, then tap reply again.

Sure. What time?

The answer comes almost immediately.

As soon as possible. I'll be waiting.

Okay... this guy is desperate... hopefully only to be rid of his nightmares.

I stand and toss my empty coffee cup in the trash.

While I'm still on the café's hard-won Wi-Fi, I pull up a map and type in the address.

Two blocks south and one east.

Easy-peasy.

Pocketing my cell-phone, I head back out onto the street.

As I go, I cast one last hopeful wink at the girl behind the counter.

She rolls her eyes.

Sigh.

It's always the normal-looking ones who have the worst dreams, too.

I set a brisk pace up the street.

1665 Greenwood Drive, turns out to be a luxury apartment complex.

Great.

I don't have a real service plan and my cell-phone is useless without Wi-Fi.

Was this a joke or did 'Damien Knight' expect me to let him know I've arrived?

As I search the nearby shopfronts for the ubiquitous Free Internet lure, the tinted glass doors to my left open and a man steps out.

He's tall and athletic, about thirty-five, with pale skin and dark, stylishly cut hair.

He's handsome in a clean-cut, upper-class kind of way.

Not exactly my type but his eyes are deliciously dark and haunted. Definitely my nightmare guy.

"Are you the dream doctor?" he asks, his voice deep and smooth.

I nod.

"That's me."

He looks me up and down like I've come to Fashion Week in an outfit I found at the Goodwill.

He shrugs but holds out his hand.

"Damien Knight. Pleased to meet you."

"Alex... Alexander Shade," I say.

His eyes narrow slightly and I know he's wondering if the name's real.

It is, by the way.

"Well then, Alex. Pease, come inside."

[arlerts-angel]

kenla 🖤 (draken + mykaela)

the horizon tries but it's just not as kind on the eyes

right person, wrong time. second-chance love. the sun to his moon. kissing his bruised knuckles. tall bf x short gf.

art commissioned by @wiispywitch

playlist

who: ken ryuguji / draken

ship name: kenla

anniversary: january 13th

zodiac: i'm a scorpio, he's a taurus

love languages: mine is physical touch, his is acts of service

notable supportive people: his friends 🤍 we'd probably ever gotten together if it wasn't for them encouraging him to pursue something more with me.

problems in the relationship?: we don't really tend to have reoccurring problems other than past regrets, but i do my best not to dwell on that and i try to help him as well.

how you approach problems: depending on how deep the problem is, generally a dick appointment solves it. if it's deeper-rooted, we'll talk about things.

falling in love: we were friends with benefits at the start of our relationship. ken didn't want to commit to me or anyone, so when i started to develop feelings i made the decision to stop while i was ahead. we ended our FWB relationship and a few months later, i started dating kazutora. we dated for a few months but i wasn't really over ken so we ended things mutually. during our separation, i guess ken realized he was suppressing his feelings for me and eventually we went on a proper date and had a very long and deep discussion about our relationship and what we truly wanted.

first date: our first "date" was hanging out at my place and eating takeout together.

favorite kind of date: going to concerts!!

first kiss: we were at a concert actually and he was going to the bar to get another beer and he gave me a quick kiss before walking away.

confession: i told him i was falling in love with him on a random, regular day. he said he cared about me but wasn't looking to fully commit at the time and that we could continue being FWB or do whatever made me happy.

first time: it was gentle at the beginning but we still fucked nyasty

favorite forms of affection: i like when he teases me about being short or when he grabs my ass. he likes to grab my ass or hug me from behind.

favorite nsfw hc's:

— he likes to be called daddy (we aren't interested in ddlg though). he just likes the title and how it sounds when we fuck

— prefers receiving head over giving, but he still absolutely loves giving. he just likes getting it that much more. aka i'm good at sucking dick

favorite positions: i like doggy and he likes cowgirl/reverse cowgirl. we also enjoy missionary.

favorite kinks: daddy kink, spit kink (love when he opens my mouth and spits in it HNSKGKYJFJ) breeding kink, public sex

who cooks: me

who gets the other to come to bed?: him

ways you comfort your f/o: play with his hair, trace his tattoos with my finger, hum and sing to him, cuddling

ways your f/o comforts you: he hugs me really tight and talks softly to me

who is more jealous/how do you handle jealousy?: honestly we both have our moments, but typically he'll fuck some sense into me.

how you cuddle: i am little spoon 🤍

what you love most about them: he's a gentle giant. he's so handsome and kind and non-judgemental

what they love most about you: "everything. genuinely. you have a nice ass too."

proposal: hasn't happened yet 😅

wedding: tbd!

about pregnancy: when he puts a ring on it i'll give him a baby or two

[devilish-mirage]

Anyone is free to share a thought and write their own version of this story, that's the reason why I put this post up. To let countless of beautiful minds to be creative, to make this AU their own; as long as you give credit of course! I would be delighted to read all of them. So unleash all of your thoughts, love!

I can't write for the life of me but imagine a fantasy world where the moon bois were the cursed!crown prince cause they didn't have the medical knowledge and maybe they're somehow a demon? Idk 😩

It would set in a medieval timeline and we (the reader) is an assassin who disguise ourself as his new maid.

We'd have all the qualities of a killing machine- cold and calculated, knows how to use our sex to advantages, manipulate, gatekeep and girlbossing our way to murder.

My god- just imagine us sneaking inside their bedroom, we'd get on top of him, sitting still on their stomach as we pull a dagger from our thigh strap as we aim for his neck.

Steven was the one who woke up and stare at us, eyes wide with admiration as the moonlight illuminates our face, highlighting our eyes and we'd stare deep into each other's eyes while the dagger touching his adam apple dangerously.

"Beautiful." He says out loud, we roll our eyes in amusement and tries to push the dagger only to be pinned down by Marc as he glare at us, face dangerously close that we can feel his breath on our face.

THE TROUPE WOULD BE SOMETHING LIKE:

Pretend engagement, forbidden love, the guy only kneels for his girl, destined to be together, I hate everyone but you, belated love epiphany.

Magic, magic, magic and more magic because I wanna be a magician/sorcerer. It's cool ok- 🏃🏃🏃

Steven: friends to lovers, he's warm, he's kind and he always tries to see the better in us, always forgiving us and give us many chances to make it up to him.

Marc: enemies to lovers, grumpy x sunshine. Marc being the grumpy, cold and rude to us, literally hate us because we tried to kill him while we're the sunshine and we'd be really flirty with him, always getting on his nerve and annoying him.

Now onto jake, I honestly feel like he's very unhinged and smooth because we've seen how he shamelessly seduced that nurse and dragged Harrow out. So maybe the dynamic that we have would probably be enemies to lovers like Marc but instead Jake being flirty with us and we'd also be like that, we'd amuse and entertain each other in ways that no one can.

But Jake is really dangerous and fucking feral, I want him to be the possessive n UNHINGED lover. The kind that wont hesitate to kill/hurt anyone that touches us. And we knows it so we sometimes be on high guard and switch to our assassin's persona, u know on how we'd be on edge because he makes us uneasy and stuff, unlike Marc and Steven we didn't know what's on Jake's mind and what does he think of us. But oh do we love to see him in all his maniacal glory, got us feelin' some type of way. 😏😏😏

She fell first but he fell harder for both Jake and Marc please bcs >>>>

The words that I would love to squeeze inside the fic:

1. "Kiss me- and this time don't fucking stop."

2. "Where is home?" "With me."

3. "I can't stop-" "Then don't."

4. "Touch them and you die."

5. "Are you mine?" "All yours."

6 "You look so pretty like this." "Only for you."

7. "The problem with me is you."

9. "If I kill them right before your eyes, will you still stay?" "Always, without a doubt."

10. "WHO DID THIS TO YOU?"

11. "I'm not a gentleman." "Lucky for you I'm not into them."

12. "You like what you see, Darlin'?"

13. "I'm supposed to hate you." "And yet- here we are."

14. "Do I make you nervous, Lockley/Spector/Grant?"

15. "You think you can intimidate me?"

16. "I hate myself for loving you, but I loathe the thought of not having you more."

17. "I love the way you make me feel." "Even when I'm trying to kill you?" "Especially that."

18. "I will burn the whole world down- just for you. You only need to say the word."

19. "What have I told you about you and your orders?"

20. "I hate you." "That's not what you said last night, sweetheart."

21. "Say it again, I love the way you say my name."

22. "You really has no fear." "Thanks for the compliment."

23. "I want to hurt you so bad." "I want to see you try."

24. "I like when you get mad."

25. "Don't look at me like that."

26. "The things I would do to you."

SOMEONE OR MAYBE MULTIPLE AUTHORS COULD WRITE THIS SERIES AND MAKE THEIR OWN VERSIONS??? I WOULD LOVE IT SO MUCH IF THAT HAPPENS OMG!!! ANYWAY- PLEASE WRITE OR TAG SOMEONE WHO WOULD BECAUSE I CAN'T WRITE GAAHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭

[bteezxyewriter12]

Love Motel/ 8

Pairing- Changkyun x Named Reader

Word count- 3.1k

Includes- mirror sex, dirty talk, name calling, brief hand job, fingering, reverse cowgirl, squirting, marking, riding, choking, missionary sex, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag list- @90s-belladonna @mingtina

@direitobulando @honey-zip @chansbabydoll @itsshaydeekaydee

@seokwoosmole @rpkth @jaxxmine

@xuxibelle @delightfulmoonbanana @wisejudgedragonhairdo @tannie13

Series Masterlist

J POV

"Hi Kyunnie", I greet as I open his car door and get inside

"Hi jagi", he answers, leaning over, giving me a hello kiss

He always kisses me when he sees me and when he drops me off and it makes me swoon

He acts like a boyfriend towards me by hanging out with me, buying me things and food, the things he says to me

He watched Jurassic Park with me, he liked it and promised to watch all the other ones with me too

He asked me questions about the dinosaurs in the movie, letting me talk and actually listening

He's protective of me and treats me like his girlfriend

But I know we're not together and sometimes I get mixed up, having to remind myself we are not a couple

I don't even know if he's fucking other girls besides me

And I want to know

We never use a condom and I've been so stupid

I could catch something and that would be devastating

I just don't know how to bring it up to him

"You ok jagi? You're kinda quiet"

"Yeah I'm ok", I answer, trying to find the right words

I don't want to piss him off or act like a girlfriend when I'm clearly not

"Jagi just tell me"

"Uh...well....I just wanted to ask uh if you're sleeping with other girls", I say quickly, "It's just because we never use a condom and I don't want to catch anything. Not that I'm saying you have anything, but I wanna be safe and if you are with other girls then we should use condoms-"

"Relax jagi", he chuckles, taking my hand, his thumb rubbing the back of my hand, "So to answer your questions, no jagi, I don't sleep with anyone else but you. Before we started sleeping together, I hadn't slept with anyone in over a month. And I was tested right before I slept with you the first time. I'm clean. But if you want, I can get tested again and show you the results"

I breathe in relief because, first he's not mad and second he's only with me

Not gonna lie that feels good especially since he's so good looking and I know he can get a girl in a nanosecond

"No, it's ok. I believe you", I tell him

He nods, "I guess I should ask if you're sleeping with any other guys besides-"

"Absolutely not", I answer, "I know I slept with you really quickly but honestly I don't sleep around. I'm not a one night stand person. The only guys I fucked were my boyfriends and well, you. My boyfriend broke up with me months before we first slept together and I got tested too. I'm clean"

"I believe you baby", he says, smirking, "So if you don't sleep with just anyone, then does that mean I'm just lucky?"

I snort, "Yeah, super lucky. I was even wondering what the fuck I was doing the first time but I didn't want to stop anything"

"Did you think about it?"

"About stopping?", I ask and he nods, "Yeah, when we got to the motel I thought maybe I should just leave but I really didn't want to"

"Oh", he says, cocking an eyebrow, "Why?"

"Because I wanted you", I answer

"Yeah, I was really lucky", he repeats, smiling wider, lifting our hands and kissing the back of mine

I smile, relieved that everything went smoothly

----------------------------------------------------

We get into the room and I find a floor to ceiling mirror right against the bed

I turn my head to him and he's already smirking

"You had so much fun watching yourself in the mirror, I thought we'd give it another try from a different angle"

I laugh, "Yeah baby, I did have fun. We can definitely do it again"

I walk towards him, sliding my hands under his hoodie, touching his warm soft skin

"This time you can watch too baby", I tell him, pulling his hoodie off him, "Last time you weren't able to see anything"

Next off is his shirt, discarded somewhere on the floor

I can't help but touch his abs, running my fingers along the muscles and leaning forward, pressing a kiss to his muscular chest

"And let me tell you baby, you were so hot", I continue, "Watching you move, watching your tattoos move as you fucked me so hard"

He whimpers, my hands going under his boxers and sweatpants, shoving everything down

After he kicks everything off, I move closer to him again, wrapping my hand around his rock hard cock

Slowly I move my hand along his length, squeezing softly

"You fucked me so hard baby, made me cum so good. And I got to see you cum, watch your sexy body shake against me. Fuck baby, you have to watch yourself cum. You're so beautiful", I tell him

He whimpers, his eyes closing as pleasure comes on his face

And right at that time, I stop

His eyes snap open as I let go of him and move away, pulling my shirt off

"I'm ready to be wrecked by that fucking massive cock"

I get out of my pants and my bra, then pull my panties down

"Are you ready Kyunnie?", I ask, throwing my panties at him

They hit his chest, his hand catching it as it falls

He looks at me, lust and desire in his eyes

He throws my panties to the floor, coming towards me forcefully

His hand moves to the back of my neck, pulling me into a hard kiss that makes my knees weak

As his tongue pushes in my mouth, he lifts me up, my legs wrapping around him

He sits in the bed, facing the mirror as we kiss wildly

I feel his cock under me and I move my hips, rubbing along his shaft

"Fuck jagi, how are you so wet already?", he moans, "God so soaking wet for me"

"Always", I answer between kisses

Pulling away from me, he maneuvers me in his lap, my back to his chest, moving my legs over his

"Look how wet this pussy is", he says, his fingers running up my pussy

I can't tear my eyes away from his tattooed fingers touching me

He rubs my clit, sending pleasure down my spine

"Feels good baby?"

I nod, biting my lip

God I've never done things like this before

Watching myself get fucked, get played with, get choked, scratched

Everything I've done with him, I haven't done before

And I like it

A lot

But I don't think I could ever do anything of these things with anyone else

Just him

His fingers move into me, playing softly and I watch my cunt take them in and out

"My baby is so wet. I think you get turned on seeing me do things to you"

I nod, moaning softly

"My dirty girl", he smirks in the mirror, moving my hair to one side of my neck, his lips pressing kisses on the free side of my neck

"See how well your hole takes my fingers?", he asks, sucking on my skin

"Yes"

God his tattooed fingers look so good fucking into me, wet and glistening with all my juice

So hot

"This slit loves my cock inside too"

He's right

I fucking do

"Want it?"

"Yea Kyun. Fuck give me your cock"

His fingers leave me, making me whine as the pleasure leaves

"So impatient", he chuckles, bringing his fingers to his mouth

He sucks on them, moaning softly in my ear, "My favorite taste"

I clench around nothing and fuck I want to he filled with his cock

"Please", I beg

He smirks, grabbing his cock and holding it to my cunt

He pushes me down on his shaft, making me moan loudly as I feel him stretch and fill me

"Look how your tiny hole opens to take my cock", he whispers in my ear

I move my eyes back to the mirror, watching his length move inside me inch by inch, stretching my slit the more he goes

He finally moves all in and I shiver on him, throbbing on him and feeling his head against my spot

"Now do you see why I tell you your pussy looks so good wrapped around my cock? Why I love watching you take me inside you over and over?"

Yes fuck, I get it

It's so erotic, his cock completely gone

And he has such a huge cock, I don't know where it's all going

"Lean on me jagi, I'm gonna fuck you ok?"

I nod, leaning back

"Eyes on the mirror princess"

I move my eyes just as he fucks up into me

"Oh god", I cry

He moves fast, holding my hips as he pounds into my cunt

I watch my pussy take him, leaking the creamy juice that he always talks about

God I'm so wet and his cock is such a mess with it

"See how wet my cock makes you?", he teases, "I think you like fucking me"

"I love it", I cry, his thick head smashing my spot

His hand moves up my body, groping my boobs as he kisses my neck, sucking and leaving his marks on me

I love when he marks me, I proudly wear them

"You're about to cum. Am I fucking you that good baby?", he growls

"Yes fuck, wanna cum on you"

"Go ahead baby. Cream my cock. Watch yourself"

His head hits my spot hard and I lose it, spasming around him, calling his name as I cum

I watch my body shake against him, my cunt clenching him as my creamy cum covers his cock

He keeps moving, his cock getting coated with my cream again and again

God I didn't know I cum this much

"See the mess you make jagi?"

I nod, "Mmmmm"

"This is every time you cum. You cover me completely and I fucking love it"

"So pretty", I whimper, watching his cock fuck me

His hand slides down my body, his fingers playing with my clit, increasing the pleasure so much

"Changkyun, oh my god"

"Yeah baby. Fuck, soak me jagi. God this tight pussy is the best"

"Your big cock is the best", I whimper

I watch his tattooed fingers move quickly, rolling my clit between his fingers, rubbing quickly

Watch his cock pump into me, bottoming out every stroke

God I'm so fucking turned on

Safe to say I like watching him fuck me

"Fuck look at you. Such a little slut for me", he growls, "Legs spread wide, cunt getting pummeled by a big cock, throbbing clit being played with. Moaning like a whore"

I do look like a whore but I don't care

I'm his whore

He kisses my shoulder, "You're stunning baby"

His fingers increase their speed, hurtling me into another orgasm

"Changkyun. Changkyun!", I yell, pleasure washing over me as I squirt all over his cock

"See how pretty", he says and yeah it is really pretty

I watch my cunt gush so much around his perfect cock, squirt flying everywhere as he keeps moving

"How good does it feel?"

"So good Kyunnie. Fuck baby you're the best"

"Damn right"

When I finish, he pulls me off him and I whine

I want him back right now

He turns around, pulling me back on his lap, then he lays down

"Watch yourself ride my cock", he says

I nod

Yes please

He slaps my thigh, "Get on. Now"

He holds his cock up for me and I slip on him easily

I'm so wet I bottom him out in one move

"Oh fuck", he moans, gripping my thighs hard, "Fuck, I love being in your tight cunt. Ride me hard baby."

I always do

Leaning on his abs, I bounce on his cock, setting a hard and fast pace right off the bat

Clenching on him, I hold him tightly as I move, his moans so loud and fueling me to fuck him faster

I switch between looking at his face in pleasure and at myself in the mirror, riding his cock

I'm in so much pleasure it's insane

"Keep going", he gasps, "Shit fuck, you feel so good"

Sitting up, I lean back on his legs, spreading my legs as wide as I can, fucking him so hard, I'm practically jumping up and down his length

I smash my spot so hard on his head my legs shake, stars blasting in my vision

In the mirror, I see my breasts bouncing hard, his cock appearing and disappearing as I slide up and down, my chest heaving as I breathe hard, sweat all over my body

I can't tear my eyes from watching my pussy take his long thick cock, leaving a huge mess on him

"Yes fuck, impale yourself on my cock. Keep going baby. Fuck your spot"

As I come down, I move my hips, grinding on him before I slip back up and squeezing his head

Almost

I'm almost there

His hands move up, squeezing my boobs, fingers playing with my nipples, "Look at you. So desperately fucking my cock. God you want to orgasm that bad?"

"Yes", I shout, "I wanna cum on your cock. God your cock feels so good Kyun. I can't take it"

"Then how about you cum for me?", he smirks, "Fuck yourself into an orgasm"

"Yes", I moan

The next slam down, I lose it, keeping him inside as I cum all over him, spasming so fast around his hard cock

"Changkyun, baby yes, god, you're cock is perfect", I scream, lost into the pleasure

"Well your pussy is perfect for me jagi", he groans

When I come down from my orgasms, I rock on his cock

"I'm gonna cum", he moans

And with that I get off him, sitting next to him

"What the fuck?", he whines, sitting up, "Get the fuck back on"

I shake my head

"Joanne!"

"No Kyunnie. It's your turn now"

"My turn for what?", he asks

I lean closer, kissing him roughly, biting his bottom lip

Moving my mouth to his ear, I whisper, "Your turn to fuck me and watch yourself in the mirror. Watch yourself cum inside me"

He growls, grabbing me and flipping me on my back, my head hanging off the edge of the bed

I look into the mirror, seeing us upside down, blood rushing to my head

I also want to watch him fuck me

He spreads my legs open, barreling in one stroke, his hand slamming on the bed, fingers gripping the edge

His lips suck my nipple into his mouth, tugging and biting

He starts moving, dragging his cock out and shoving it back in hard

I watch my body arch into his as he fucks me, his other hand pinching my nipple

I watch his eyes move to the mirror, staring at himself sucking on me

I move my hand in his hair, pulling hard, his eyes closing as he moans

"Eyes on the mirror baby", I tell him

He snaps his eyes open, gaze on me

"Not on me baby", I say, pointing to the mirror, "There"

His eyes shift, lust clouding his eyes

He sits up on his knees, gripping my hips hard, snapping his into mine

He buries his cock so fast that I can't completely clench around him before he's pulling out

But he makes sure to hit my spot hard, stars bursting in my vision from the sheer pleasure

His hand slides up my stomach, between my breasts and ends around my neck

Both our eyes are on the mirror watching him fuck me into the bed

He squeezes, my air cut off and every thrust of his cock is heightened

Every time his head rubs my spot, the pleasure running through my body is incredible

His other hand slams on my pussy, thumb rubbing my clit furiously

I'm gonna cum any second

His hand starts loosening and I grab it forcing him to re-close his hand

He understands what I want because he chokes me hard and my body spasms as I fall over the edge, white light blinding me as ecstasy takes over

He fucks me through it and when I finish, he lets go of my throat and I gasp in air, opening my eyes I didn't know I closed

"So fucking beautiful", he's saying

"You're gonna cum", I tell him, feeling his cock throb and twitch inside me

"Yeah baby", he pants

"Mirror", I demand and he lifts his head

We both watch him get closer and closer, yelling loudly

"I'm coming", he shouts, burying his cock all in as he loses it

His beautiful body shakes uncontrollably, his sweaty hair in his eyes, moaning my name as he struggles to keep his eyes open, filling me with his cum

"Fuck Kyunnie, you're beautiful", I tell him, shifting my eyes from the mirror to him

Sometimes I still can't believe some one as hot as him, as gorgeous as him wants to have sex with me

It's almost unexplainable

I know I'm lucky he even glanced my way and I'll take any time with him

Any

When he finishes he pulls out and collapses on top of me, his head on my shoulder

I move my arms around him, lifting my head up and softly run my fingers on his back

His skin shivers under my fingertips, making me smile

His arm moves around me and he pulls us down the bed a little so I can lay my head on it

We stay tangled together, his eyes closed as his breath starts to even out

Guess he's worn out

I keep a hold on him while he sleeps, playing with his hair, rubbing his back, enjoying the feel of him on top of me

The feel of his smooth skin against mine

I know I'm falling for him

I feel it

I want to be around him all the time

I like when we spend time together without having sex

And the times we are together, like tonight, it's amazing and I'm so happy

He makes me happy

And it's the stupidest thing I could ever do

He's a criminal

And clearly this is just sex for him

We might be something like friends, that's all

He would never love me

Like he calls me, I'm his whore, his slut

But I want to be so much more

I know I shouldn't fall in love but unfortunately I can't stop it

[pedropascalunofficial]

Pedro Pascal and Lena Headey

Head to head interview

Hunger Magazine, Issue 6. Released December 28, 2014. Photoshoot October 15, 2013.

Thirteen million. That's the number of people, on average, who tuned into each episode of the third season of Game of Thrones. Among them was Chilean actor Pedro Pascal, who was as enthralled by the sex and slaughter as the rest of us. But little did he know that within a few months he'd be pitching up on the shores of Belfast to join the cast as Oberyn Martell, affectionately known as the Red Viper. Sound ominous? It is. The Red Viper is GoTs newest anti-hero, “sexy and charming but driven by hate”. Sounds like he'll be right at home.

Pedro, on the other hand, though he looks good on paper, wasn't the obvious choice for the role. Expecting a big name to ride into King’s Landing, the show's fans took to forums to express their concerns as soon as the news broke. So is he worried? Like hell he is. “The fans had the part cast in their minds already. They knew who they wanted and it certainly was not me. But I'm not stupid, | presumed that people were going to say ‘who the fuck is this guy’. Since I anticipated the reaction it didn't throw me off.”

“There are so many different ways to go into battle with yourself when you're trying to get a job. I felt a certain amount of pressure because I wanted to make everyone happy. The fan base is so specific and, as a fan myself, I understand the relationship that they have with the show. The Red Viper is the best part I've ever played, and in season four shocks come at the most unexpected times. You might think you know, but you have no idea,” he explains.

Looks like the Red Viper could be in line to fill a Walter-White-sized-hole in television, but to test the theory we pit Pascal against Lena Headey, aka the Queen. Because if you can come away from Cersei unscathed, you can handle anything.

LH: So, Pedro, you come into Game of Thrones in season four, playing a pretty major character. Does that fill you with joy or dread?

PP: I'd say it fills me with joy because it’s a really fucking fun part. He’s a badass. He comes up against a lot of the main characters in the show. I'm very aware of the show. I watch it like a fan.

LH: Were you a fan before you arrived in Belfast?

PP: Yeah, I was a proper fan. I was caught up in the drama of it before I even auditioned for the part. I was already up to speed.

LH: I remember meeting you and thinking, “he fucking loves the show’.

PP: I kissed your ass.

LH: Well, it worked. We're friends now.

PP: I was like a tourist visiting the set, and yet I had to act with you and be in a scene with the characters that I had such a specific association with already.

LH: So you’re saying it’s boring?

PP: No, it wasn’t boring at all. It was extremely, relentlessly surreal.

LH: And who were your favourite characters up until that point?

PP: Not you.

LH: I realise that!

PP: There are too many characters to have a favourite, but I was fascinated by the Lannisters because they're so frightening. They scared me and then you would come in and pull sympathy from your audience somehow, and I found that rather fascinating. The Northerners were so easy to like or get behind, but it was quite something to see people sympathise with a Lannister, after you made people see things from their perspective.

LH: Speaking of being slightly ambiguous as a character, you come in as a major player and a very well-loved character in the eyes of people who read the books, and he’s somewhat of an anti-hero. Did you base him on anyone?

PP: What does an anti-hero mean exactly?

LH: It means he doesn't wear deodorant, doesn't it? [Laughs]. Someone you shouldn't champion, but you do, like Walter White in Breaking Bad.

PP: No, | didn’t really base him on anyone.

LH: Did you take anything from classic movies that you thought you could use and spin to your advantage playing the Red Viper?

PP: God, that’s a good question. I probably did subconsciously. Now I feel under the spotlight because I need to think of somebody, and I have so many in my mind! I think that’s something that is happening a lot in TV today: the anti-heroes are central to these television shows, and people are really getting behind them, even though they're not necessarily the most moral characters. So I'd say that ‘ve become more familiar with the character who's obviously very flawed but gets you on their side — you have complicated feelings about them. But I think I saw the story too much from this character's perspective to perceive any flaws.

LH: He has some.

PP: I know, from the outside. But I don't see any of them. What are his flaws?

LH: His flaws? He's a dirty bastard!

PP: Why is he a dirty bastard? He likes to fucking fight, for sure.

LH: Back to you as an actor. You've done it for a long time and, as we all know, the path is not always golden, and sometimes you think, “fuck it” and you want to leave it and do something else. Have there been moments where you wanted to give up?

PP: Yes, there have been moments where I came very close to giving up. But I never had anything to fall back on. I think you can understand that.

LH: Because were stupid?

PP: We're stupid.

LH: I can't even make pizza!

PP: We don’t have any other skills.

LH: None at all!

PP: And that’s the odd conundrum. You get to a point where you think, “This isn’t going to happen. This isn’t sustainable. I'm too exhausted, and it can't be good for me.” There were moments where I truly did try to formulate an idea of what I'd do. I thought I'd go back to school, start pre-med again and go to medical school or something like that.

LH: But that didn't happen, you just thought about it?

PP: Yes, I'd have thoughts, but it was still fantasy really. But at the time it felt like a practical life plan. Do you know what I mean?

LH: Yeah of course, you need to pay the fucking rent.

PP: Exactly. You just try to escape from the chaos of what you're feeling by trying to create order in your life. Order seems like a solution to save you from the pain of acting!

LH: It's a mental pain. Who was the first person you called when you got the role?

PP: My sister.

LH: Does she watch the show?

PP: Yes, she does.

LH: Pedro Pascal... or Pablo as I called you when I had too much wine, which was deeply insulting.

PP: Even family members have done that to me! Do I look more like a Pablo? Because it happens with about ninety-five percent of the people I meet.

LH: No, I think I’m just an ignorant drunk person.

PP: No, you were an ignorant drunk person that night is what you're saying.

LH: And now I’m educated.

PP: [Whispers] But | want you to call me Pablo.

LH: Ok, Pablo! When you first arrived on set in Northern Ireland, what was your feeling showing up to a bunch of British actors? Did it feel different to doing an American project?

PP: Yes, but I loved it. It wasn’t intimidating. I found it surreal because I’d watched and loved the show. I hadn't had the opportunity to work on something that I was really familiar with before, so it was overwhelming. But it was far more delightful than intimidating. Also you guys were really cool. Everyone was friendly.

LH: Oh, that’s just fake.

PP: Well, you guys were good at it!

LH: We know Game of Thrones is very popular obviously. Do you have any thoughts, or fears, about what this is going to bring you in terms of exposure?

PP: I have hope.

LH: Oh, God. I don’t mean to shatter that, but give it up.

PP: I don’t know really. It’s all been filmed, and now I'm back to my normal routine, so I haven't really thought about it. I remember when we finished filming and we were on our way to the airport, you asked me, “How does it feel you're all done?” and I couldn't really answer.

LH: You were quite emotional that day.

PP: I was very emotional because I’d had such an amazing time doing the part. Also just being there immersed in the experience... You described it to me best. You told me how I'd be feeling.

LH: We don't know your character's backstory when you enter the show, and you have some rather brutal scenes. Anyone who has read the books will know what I’m talking about.

PP: My character comes in, he stirs a bunch of shit up, and then he makes this fucking enormous exit. Now can | ask you a question?

LH: What is it? I’m not going to sleep with you. Give it up.

PP: Oh, come on! This has gone to shit and it’s your fault, so good luck to whoever has to edit it! But anyway, sometimes I'd hang out with the cast members and we'd go to dinner and they would get stopped constantly. There was no denying who they played because they were so recognisable, but you got away with it because you have this beautiful blonde wig on in the show, and in real life you are...

LH: Grey?

PP: {Laughs] No! You have beautiful chestnut hair! Is it liberating to not be recognised the way some of the other cast members are?

LH: Yes, it is liberating.

PP: Liberating being able to walk down an alley in Dubrovnik without being stopped?

LH: Yes, except sometimes | get recognised in the weirdest places. A woman was emptying my bag at Heathrow Airport's security gates and just went, “Are you the Queen?” while rummaging through my underwear. It was so fucking weird.

PP: It seems they're more respectful to you?

LH: Because they're frightened. Wait until they meet the Viper.

PP: Well, that covers it.

LH: I think we're going to get our own show out of this, you know

Interested in learning more about Pedro? Check out Pedro Pascal Unofficial on Pinterest!

[miss-smutty]

The Destructive Secret

Chapter 7

A/N- I'm back! At least I think I am 😂 I wrote this while I was struggling with writer's block so I don't think it's great but the next chapter I'm working on I feel back to the old me 🥳🤞

Summary- Are your lies finally going to catch up to you?

Word count- 2.8K

Pairing- Chris Hems x reader x Liam Hems

Warnings- Mature themes, cheating, swearing, smut

Strictly 18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 2nd Sept 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

The Destructive Secret Masterlist <

The guy turned to leave before looking back over his shoulder at the door, his hand on the door handle.

"If it makes any difference I would choose you over your brother any day." He winked as he left the room.

"What the actual fuck." You shout, storming out of the bathroom in a huff. "There's no way he's gunna stay quiet, it'll be all over the press come tomorrow." You paced the room, your heart beating fast as the adrenaline rushed through you. This was it, this was how it was all going to end. Liam would know as soon as he saw the headlines, all those late night and weekend conferences at the same time as Chris was conveniently away with work.

"To be fair, he does have good taste in men." Chris' usual nonchalance annoyed you, how come he could stay so calm? Why did he make you sound like a crazy person for actually worrying about what might happen.

"It's really not funny Chris, do you want our business known by strangers before we even have chance to speak to Liam and your Mom Chris, she's going to hate me." You feel the warm tears dripping down your cheeks before you even register you're crying. The thought of their mom hating you upsets you more than the thought of Liam hating you. Cathy, their mom was like your own mother, from day one she'd taken you under her wing.

"My Mom would love you no matter what, you know she thinks of you as her own daughter. It's me she's going to blame, Liam's her baby." 

"Yeah you're probably right but still what are we gunna do?" 

"Let's relax babe, you don't know what's going to happen and you can't change it if it does happen so what's the use in worrying about it. Come here."

"You piss me off Chris, you're so laid back. This isn't something you can just sweep under the carpet. It's serious." You needed to take your anger out on him, to let it all out so you could feel better. The four walls of the hotel room were becoming claustrophobic, you wish you could just put your headphones on and just run for a while to clear your head, that's what you usually did.

"I know it is but what can we do? I've done everything we can do, now it's out of our hands. We'll work it out tomorrow, can we enjoy our last night together without all the serious talk?" He raises his eyebrow at you, smiling that sweet, goofy smile of his that has your heart melting.

"You piss me off even more when you look at me like that. I can't stay mad at you and how could I say no to that?" You put your arms around his back, loving the way his height makes you feel so small and safe. He wraps his arms around you, stroking your hair and holding you close.

"That's why I love you yanno." 

"Why?" You ask, looking up at him through your eyelashes, your neck stretching to reach his height.

"Because you never say no." He laughs, a real laugh that you can feel on his toned stomach, shaking against you. It was the best feeling hearing him laugh like that, it'd been so long since you'd heard him laugh. Your life being full of a lot of drama and upset recently that you were appreciative of the little time you had left together.

"Maybe I should start then." You pout pretending to sulk.

"No way, I love how easy you are." He picks you up so you can wrap your legs around him, looking down on him for once. You punch him lightly on his shoulder, still pouting. "Ok, ok I'll stop teasing. You know why I love you though." 

"Tell me." 

He sits down on the end of the bed with you still in his arms, resting on his great big, thick thighs. He moves your hair behind your ears so he can see your face, studying it carefully with a look of adoration in his eyes.

"I love you because you're absolutely drop dead gorgeous, I mean the first time I met you, you literally knocked the air from my lungs. I've been obsessed with you ever since." He shuffles slightly beneath you, getting himself comfy. "This would never have happened with just anyone, I'm not a dick that goes around sleeping with his brothers girls." You give him a questioning look, your eyebrows furrowing. "Seriously, it took fucking everything in me to try and resist you. I'd never felt that before, never been one of them that wants what they can't have. Until I met you. Fuck me you were an absolute bombshell." You frown at him. "Are, still are a bombshell, don't look at me like that." He laughs.

"Tell me more." You whisper, feeling yourself tear up at his revelations as you run your hand through his hair, his eyes closing as you do.

"Am I stroking your ego?" He smiles slyly. "Do you remember the first time you met me?" 

"Of course I do, me and Liam had already been together a year but you'd been in Australia. I was eighteen, young and dumb..."

"And full of..." 

"Do not even finish that sentence, you're ruining the moment." He laughs at you but quickly gets back to being serious.

"You were eighteen and ridiculously mature for your age, I was twenty six and still acted like a teenager. I remember you walking in in that little denim skirt and tank top, smiling at me with that beautiful smile. The first thing I noticed was your eyes, the way they lit up when you smiled. You had me right at that moment, I was smitten. Then you introduced yourself as Liam's girlfriend and my heart sank." 

"I can't believe you remembered what i was wearing, it was twelve years ago." You kiss his forehead, holding his face in your hands. So glad you had the opportunity to talk like this, knowing all this made you know you hadn't made a mistake. "I was so nervous walking up to you, I'd only ever seen you on photos and crushing on you when you were in home and away. Then you're there in front of me looking sexy as hell and I knew I had to make a good impression."

"Little did you know, five years later I'd be bending you over that table and giving you everything you'd been searching for?" He questioned, raising his eyebrow at you with a smirk.

"No, dick! Little did I know you'd sweep me off my feet and make me question everything I ever knew." 

"I am a dick but that's why you love me isn't it?"

"Your ego definitely doesn't need stroking. I fell in love with Liam when I was still a girl and I fell in love with you when I was a woman. People change, needs change and..." 

"And I give you everything you need." His hand travelled to your ass pulling you into him, pressing against his growing erection.

"You do, you need to work on your arrogance though." You laugh. "But seriously I'm done with all this now, we can't go on like this anymore. I want all of you, all of the time."

"So you've made your decision." His lips part, his head resting against your forehead.

"Was there ever any doubt?" You question, running your finger over his lip and grinding against him subtly making him groan.

"Fuck Y/N, I fucking love you so much it's crazy." He says through gritted teeth, holding the small of your back as you raise your hips, your face contorting with need. "What would you do if I asked you to marry me?" His hand travelled down the back of your shorts, cupping your ass in his hands.

"What do you think?" You tease, taking his bottom lip in your teeth and pulling gently.

"I don't know, that's why I'm asking." His face was set seriously, he wasn't joking, he wanted to marry you.

"Of course I'd say yes, once we'd dealt with everything." You smile watching his face light up.

"You're going to be Mrs Hemsworth and mine, not Liam's. I can't fucking wait." He picks you up, gripping your ass making you squeel before planting you back on the bed on your back.

Leaning over you, his palm caressing your stomach, kneeding your breasts with his long fingers. His erection poking into your clothed heat.

"You're so fucking perfect, are you ready to cause destruction?" 

"Like now, in bed or?..." 

"You know what I mean." He laughs, reaching down to attach his lips to your neck, sucking gently.

"If it means I get you then yeah, I'm ready." 

"Right answer. You've made me the happiest fucking man in the world yanno?" His hand moves under your top, pushing it up to your chin as his lips finally meet yours. Kissing you deeply with everything he's got, your body rising from the bed to meet his.

"I think... I can... Make you even happier." You say between kisses, pushing down his boxers, your nails scratching his skin gently as you do. 

He rests on one elbow watching you free his cock from its barrier. You cup his balls in your hand, stroking along the length of his cock with the other. He groans, pushing himself into your hands.

"I'll be happier once I'm buried inside this perfect pussy." He kneels between your legs, pulling your panties off before hovering back over you.

"Go slow baby, I want to feel everything." You whisper.

"Fuck, I can't guarantee how long I'll last." He moans, lining himself up and slipping in making you both moan as his cock stretches your walls perfectly.

He rests on his elbows, holding your face in his hands as he gently thrusts into you, wrapping your legs around him and pushing him in further, deeper. Hitting your spot with the curl of his hips, agonisingly slowly. You look into each others eyes, his forehead resting against yours. Tears in your eyes from the intense intamacy.

"I love you Y/N." He declares gruffly, his voice deep with lust.

"I love you too." You whimper.

Moaning everytime his thighs connected with yours, flesh slapping together, bringing your hips up to meet him. Him grunting with every thrust, your sex noises filling the otherwise silent room. The sound like a symphony to your ears, turning you on even more to hear his exclamations of ecstacy.

"It's always been you Chris." You whisper, making his pace become sloppy, losing his composure and restraint at your words. You can see it on his face as it twists, his cock twitching inside of you.

"Come for me baby." He grits his teeth, the muscles in his jaw tightening as his body goes rigid.

"Ah fuck." He brings you over the edge with the last of his powerful thrusts, your legs shaking around him, the feeling of satisfaction melting through your body simultaneously. A proud look on his face as you both come together and he falls limply onto your sweat laced body.

You stay like that for a while, both enjoying the moment, his cock still twitching inside of you. The heaviness of his body burying you into the mattress but you don't complain.

You don't want him to move, you want to memorise the feel of his heaviness and how his cock feels inside of you. How his rough face feels against your smooth skin, his hair tickling under your chin. You trace the muscles on his back, the defined shoulders and lean waist. Your hands gripping his tight, round ass and you close your eyes, remembering every dip and ripple, dreading the thought of being without him in your arms for at least another couple of weeks.

"I don't know how I'm going to watch you walk away tomorrow." He rolls on to his side, pulling you into him. "I think that's the hardest thing to deal with out of everything."

"I was just thinking the same thing." You looked up at him through your eyelashes, your fingers brushing against his tight pecs. "You know we've been doing this for nearly 6 years now and I don't think I've ever felt as close to you as I do now. It's going to be even harder for me to leave this time." 

"I don't even want to think about it but we only have hours left together, what's our plan?" 

"You mean when and how do we tell Liam?" You ask sitting cross legged in the bed, reality kicking back in. You have to go home to Liam and leave Chris all over again, back to the lies and sneaking about.

"That and when am I going to be able to see you again? I don't want to wait as long as last time, you know how crazy i start getting when I don't see you." 

"We've got your cousin's wedding next week. I'll see you there." You risk a glance at him, pain set on his face.

"You'll see me but you'll be arm in arm with Liam and I'll be alone again." 

"How about once the weddings over and done with, we can tell Liam about us?" You watch his face change, like a little boy.

"A week? I can do that, I think. But I'm not going to the wedding alone." 

"What do you mean? A date? With who?" Panic laced in your voice.

"I don't know but I'm sure I won't be short of options." 

"Are you fucking with me? Liam thinks you're dating a married woman, where you going to find one of those?" 

"I don't know but I'm not turning up to a family party on my own again, my aunties can be fucking brutal." 

"Well don't expect to playing all happy families and me being all nice." You sulk.

"Are you jealous?" 

"Yeah, duhh."

"Come here." He pulls you into arms wrapping his legs around yours. Comfortable silence drifting over you both as he strokes your hair and you fall asleep in his arms.

***********

You wake up in the morning smiling, then remembering what day it is and that you have to leave to go back to boring reality and your smile fades. Chris stirring beside you, his muscly arm resting over your stomach, locking you in place.

"Chris, wake up." You whisper in his ear, admiring his sleepy, perfect face. "It's 9.30 we've gotta check out at 10." He makes an unrecognisable sound of exasperation, his eyes opening, puffy with sleep or lack of in this case.

"Aww man, can't we just stay in bed a little longer, I don't wanna let you go." 

"You need to go check out first so we don't leave the hotel at the same time." 

"Fuck sake. Back to reality it is then." He says all hint of jokiness gone from his tone as he sits up and rubs his eyes. 

"I'm afraid so, I need to go grab my things. Text me when you've left please." 

"Wow! I feel used, do I not even get a kiss before you run out on me?" 

"I was just dealing with the business before I dealt with the pleasure, like I'd just leave without giving you a kiss." You threw yourself on him, wrapping your legs around him as he leant against the headboard. Taking his lips in yours, open mouthed kisses that left you both breathless.

*****

You packed up the couple of things you'd actually taken out of your pull along suitcase, you'd spent most of the weekend naked or slobbing about in Chris' t-shirts so all your clothes were still folded and packed.

You were anxious about going home to Liam and having to pretend again, having to try and not slip up about where you'd actually been. You literally had to go through possible conversations in your mind, conjuring up imagined answers to Liam's possible questions so you didn't get caught out. It was hard work.

Then you got the text from Chris telling you he was out of the hotel and on the road back home, followed by how much of a good weekend he'd had and how much he loves you.

You couldn't help having a spring to your step as you walked through the lobby, a weekend full of love making and reminiscing would have that effect on anyone.

After you'd checked out, the anxiety set in, like stepping out of this hotel would be like stepping in to an alternate universe. A universe that wasn't simple and easy like it had been this weekend but stepping through those revolving doors would mean that will all end. This safe feeling of being alone, away from prying eyes would end as soon as you stepped foot outside and it did, a ominous feeling sweeping over you, goosebumps covering your flesh. Maybe you conjured up the feeling in your own mind, manifesting it into existence but you couldn't shake it.

A feeling of being watched, was it your imagination or not? You didn't know, all you knew was how much you wanted to get out of public and back home. As you stood in front of the hotel, picking up your suitcase to carry it down the stairs, something caught your eye. A flash. And then another flash coming from your peripheral.

[hazydaaze]

An analysis of the Bold Type that I need to get off my chest (it'll be worth it, I promise)

I studied English literature at university, and it has always been instinctive for me to analyse characters, storylines, bigger pictures and under the surface tensions in film & tv. Discussing emotions, motivations and themes with my gf and my pals late at night is one of my favourite pastimes ever and I love everything to do with filmography and art ahhhh. (I wrote my dissertation on David Bowie & The Artistry of Sexuality, ya feel me?)

The Bold Type isn't filmography at all, but I think Jane Sloan and Jacqueline Carlyle hit different for me, being a queer woman in my 20s and a full-time writer. I can't really explain why. I guess there are a lot of queer female characters in film & tv that don't really feel inherently queer, and even as two identifying straight women Jane and Jacqueline felt queer to me. Their connection and understanding of each other was authentic and quite complex. I think they had potential to be something that we'd never seen before in mainstream media, because of their age difference and life experiences. I thought that was so compelling and so important to talk about and to give a recognised space to.

There is one thing that struck me most about them and it's insane to me that I haven't seen a lot of analysis on it, so it's the point of this post.

To my knowledge the show or actors haven't delved too deeply into it either, and given what went down I don't understand why people AREN'T talking about it. I wanted to bring it up. Btw, this post contains spoilers.

***Sexual abuse trigger warning***

In season 1, we learn that Jacqueline is the victim of rape, and the only person she has told about it is her husband, Ian. Given that she mentions that they've been married for around 19 years and the assault happened before they met, we can assume Jacqueline has been carrying the weight of what happened to her for over two decades. During all that time she didn't talk about it with anyone else, not a single other person.

And then Tiny Jane comes along. Jane Sloan, the big swing writer who just wants to write meaningful stories that help other women and girls that need it, like she did growing up. She fucks up a lot on the way and slowly begins discarding her judgemental opinions as she grows. But when she is at her best she has genuine compassion and empathy for people, and despite her reservations, Jacqueline gives her the opportunity to write about the story of a rape survivor and performance artist. She isn't aware, at the time, what that means for her own trauma or her own acceptance of it. But she does it anyway, because she sees something in Jane and she has seen it there from the beginning.

Jane starts to write and, as we know, in the most beautiful and compelling moment at the season 1 finale, Jacqueline is confronted with what happened to her. She stands in Central Park holding these weights, and you can see the crushing pain in her eyes as the realisation descends down on her. She shares a look with Jane, and a moment of understanding passes between them at what this means.

Despite all this, she lets Jane capture her trauma. She lets her publish her untold experience of her rape from two decades gone. She lets millions of people see her story in writing, with Jane Sloan's name printed above it. She re-lives and faces up to the harsh reality of that pain and that truth, through Jane.

Can you even imagine the trust you must have in someone to do that? The sheer love that took, for Jacqueline to give Jane her voice and her truth, with all its painful and hard repercussions?

This storyline is the boldest part of the Bold Type. It's the most honest and the most authentic. It captures the raw emotion of Jacqueline, and of Jane, and the two characters really see each other for who they are. It's one of the reasons why their relationship is so central to the other's storyline.

We don't ever see Jane truly unpick in detail what Jacqueline did for her. It spoke so many volumes and ... well, isn't that what love is?

It's this storyline that sets the tone for their relationship over the course of the show. Jacqueline sacrifices herself for Jane again and again. She publishes the article about the lack of accessible healthcare at Safford and gets fired for doing so, purely so Jane can afford to freeze her eggs. Jacqueline says there were a lot of other things that contributed to it, but Jane knows her article was the final straw, the point of no return.

Over a decade of pouring everything she could give into Scarlet Magazine and it’s readers, only to be gone in a second. All for Jane.

And again, in season 4, in the few real moments we are given between them, one of their final interactions is Jacqueline giving Jane the go-ahead to explore a story of potential abuse at States & Nations, a company Ian is associated with. Ian literally asks Jacqueline to stop pursuing the story, due to the sexual relationship he had with the source when he and Jacqueline were separated. When Jane challenges Jacqueline over her reasoning for pulling the story, she asks her to give the story a chance. Jacqueline lets her, knowing full well that it could prove irreparably damaging to her marriage and her family, and she does it anyway.

Jacqueline chooses the truth, over her career and over her marriage. She chooses Jane. As humans, there isn't much more you can give to someone else. I’m wracking my brains trying to think of a way Jacqueline could portray her love for Jane more, and I’m all out of ideas.

I want to reiterate again how insane it is to me that none of this is really acknowledged, or at least not nearly as much as it should be amongst the show, its creators and its viewers, Jacqueline continually falls on her sword for Jane (weird analogy, but she does) and it is repeatedly glossed over. Their relationship is quickly dismissed as a "mother Jane never had" or a simple "boss/employee" power dynamic, and it seems so hollow, unjust and sorry - so unbelievably boring - in contrast to the experiences they have shared together and the sacrifices they have made.

I understand Jacqueline’s character was based on Cosmopolitan Editor in Chief, Joanna Coles, and therefore it makes sense that this queerness to her relationship with Jane was not intended. However, it’s there. Everything I mentioned in the post happened on the show in canon.

In 2021, the possibility that these two women could have romantic or sexual feelings towards each other shouldn't be a stretch. If either of these women were male characters with this much intertwined investment, high stakes and sacrifice, there would be no doubt they would be endgame. They would run away, have the hottest sex, all the while their reputations would be forever ruined in the name of love. And we, as viewers, would celebrate it without question - we would never dismiss it.

The concept of what they are, and what they can be as two women should be able to live and thrive. It should be given a beating heart. In the very least, the reality of it should be on the table and up for debate. But for many viewers, and the show’s creators, it just isn’t. And here lies the problem.

Jane and Jacqueline have such a beautiful dynamic, it is so deep and soul-wrenching. How can we ever limit what these two women are and what they would do for each other?

I really hope that one day we can see a relationship like theirs given the queer space it deserves. Because it would've been the bold thing (and the right thing) to do.

I'm going to publish a longer and more in-depth article about this on Medium, because as I said, analysing is my favourite pastime and I can't stop doing it. But for now, this is all I can manage.

Edit: Read my published Medium article.

Here's to Jane and Jacqueline and what could've been.

[borathae]

I'm too embarrassed to share this with someone who knows me irl. But it's too much of a burden to keep it in. I need to get it out of my chest. I hope you don't mind me wailing to u.

here I go.

today I had real actual s*x with my supposed friend with just the body deal or what majority people call it benefit (basically the 'friends with benefits' phrase). I don't know why the specific word benefit sounds filthy to me, it boils my blood because there was a time when I used to criticize those who'd engage on such relations looking back I've become someone I'd been once disgusted of.

everything was fine in the beginning we'd sext, we'd make out, and do other stuffs. I was okay untill at times when he'd ghost me for weeks, months even and come to me out of blue I realised what we were doing, what we had was wrong because first we kept doing it on secret and second it sort of irritated me because I can't say no to him when he'd treat me like that and keep coming back whenever he wanted.

I don't know when things started bothering me, I cried because his uncle had been diagnosed with paralysis and he cried to me that day, I haven't even met his uncle don't even know his name. there is more. more of such little things that I've been taking notice of.

he contacted me for the first time in 4 months today after not being in contact at all, not even through insta, snap. and that's how we ended up. I was overwhelmed and the deed happened. I'm so ashamed because it's ramadan month and we're not supposed to be doing this. I feel fucked up. and I realised that I might love him. I've held myself back from self admitting but today I didn't held it back. but what is more fucked up is that our *** didn't mean shit to him. You know the vibe. Yeah everything was normal. We went to a cafe after we had *** We catched up, it was fun and I missed him?

but I have this gut feeling that's why he knocked me for. It's obvious. been 5 hours since he's kept me on read. and these thoughts have been torturing my mind, he's not mine but I feel scared to lose him. my best friends are too busy to hear me out and give advice. He seemed anything but effected. I fucking wanna cry. I'm fucked. I let him have my virginity. I'm feel so guilty. Feels like someone is squeezing my heart.

Okay first of all you are at no fault here, so stop feeling guilty. You did nothing wrong. Most people lose their virginity to fkcing idiots. Virginity is overrated and you are still incredibly valid and precious!

He however seems to be a big fucking asshole. First of all, if he truly cared for you he wouldn't ghost you for literal months only to then come back when he wants to get his dick wet again. Major asshole-y fuckboy vibes right here. Just throw the entire friend out 🤢

Second of all, I know letting go is hard (trust me I've been struggling with having to let a ghost in my life not so long ago too) but the people in your life shouldn't make you want to cry and be in pain constantly. Because if they do, then they are not worthy of being in your life and you are way better off without them.

You said you are scared to lose him? Well ask yourself question if he would be scared as well. Because it sounds to me that he gives a wet shit about you and only wants you for sex. Someone like that you can very much let go of.

Someone who loves you and wants to be with you, should carry you on literal hands, should want to talk to you each day, should smile just when they think about you, SHOULD WANT TO MEET UP FOR OTHER THINGS THAN JUST TO FUCK. And I know I probably sound ice cold right now, but what you described right now does not sound as if he has the same feeling for you than you do for him.

I truly hope you stayed safe and if you didn't make sure to get Plan B ASAP (if you have an uterus and aren't on birth control pills) and make sure to get checked for any kind of STDs or STIs as well. Truly, you don't want to carry even more burdens by this idiot fuckboy with you. So get yourself checked, be safe and then treat yourself to some relaxation.

I love you and you are precious 💜

[jjmaybanksblog]

The Book of You & I- Rafe Cameron

Summary: Based on The Book of You & I by Alec Benjamin

The Book of You & I- Rafe Cameron x fem reader

Summary: Based on

Word count: 2,900

Warnings: Angst, brief nudity mentioned, is kissing a warning?? all together sadness

Disclaimer: The female pronouns have been changed to male since this will be from a girls pov

Flashback in italics

Well, it all began in the back of his car

I was just sixteen, but I fell so hard

You and Rafe Cameron sat in the trunk of his jeep. Rafe had asked you on a date a few days before this, quickly realizing he was falling for you hard and fast. 

He drove you two up to the look-out hill, which gave you a beautiful view of the Outer Banks. He decorated the trunk with pillows and small fairy lights, playing music in the background. You were resting your head on his chest, feeling at peace as you listened to his calm heart beat.

It was when he kissed your forehead did you realize you were falling for him just as hard. Every moment you spent with him then you fell harder and harder. He never failed to make you smile and feel loved when you needed it most which you greatly appreciated.

Well, the years went by and he held my heart, but his love ran dry and we fell apart

You and Rafe had been dating for 3 years now. 3 years of going on dates, surprising each other with gifts, going to parties together, mind blowing sex, spending nights together. You thought everything was going beautifully.

However, as time went by everytime you tried to hang out with your boyfriend, he said he was always busy, coming up with excuses on why he couldn't go out when in reality he was partying with his friends and snorting coke.

I felt him growing distant, I knew his love was shifting

"Why are you constantly up my ass what the fuck is that about lately?!" Rafe screamed in your face. You two were in the middle of an argument after you asked him why he hasn't been around lately. He snapped at you as soon as you asked.

"Why are you yelling at me?" You raised your voice back, genuinely confused as to why he was acting so hostile towards you. "Because I'm not happy in our relationship anymore!" He screamed, red in the face. Your mouth fell open at his confession, a strong tension filling the room. Your eyes stung with tears, furrowing your eyebrows at him.

"What?" Your voice was barely audible as he kept his stare at the floor, rubbing his hands through his hair.

"I'm not happy anymore. I just- I don't know I'm not… in love with you anymore." A sob escaped your lips as you took in his words. You didn't say anything else to him as you walked out of his bedroom, slamming his door shut. You attempted to collect yourself at least until you were back in your car.

Accidentally bumping into Sarah, your head hung low as you apologized. "Y/N, you okay?" Your eyes met Sarah who softly gasped at your red eyes. Quickly shaking your head, you left the Cameron household, and entered your car. Your fingers gripped your steering wheel until your knuckles turned white. 

You inhaled sharply, wiping the tears out of your eyes you sped out of the driveway, your grip never ending up on the wheel.

And all that I could say was, don't tell me that it's over, the book of you and I. Now you've scribbled out my name and you've erased my favorite lines

You cried into your pillows for days on end, avoiding your friends calls and texts, not going to the dinner table to eat with your family, not leaving your bed in general. You sent countless nights, playing back memories in your head of the two of you. You questioned yourself so many times, wondering what you did wrong that made him fall out of love with you.

For the first time in a week you checked your social media. Your thumb hovered over Rafe's instagram account. Before you could stop yourself you scrolled through his posts, your grip tightening on your phone you saw all of his posts with you were deleted. Biting your tongue, you didn't hesitate to archive the pictures of you two on your account. Throwing your phone on the end of the bed, you sniffled before clutching onto your pillow.

There were so many chapters that we never got to write, like cereal for dinner and staying up all night. 

For your 1 year anniversary, Rafe had bought you tickets to see your favorite band, getting you front row seats. You were forever grateful that Rafe had done that for you, even when you told him he didn't have to do anything so big.

You and Rafe stood side by side, his arm around your shoulder, your hand resting on his chest. Chills were sent down your spine as the crowd screamed and cheered as the band appeared on stage. Rafe shifted you so you were in front of him, your back against his chest. 

You shut your eyes in happiness, listening to the crowd sing along to the lyrics. Letting the feeling of euphoria take over your body, you rested your head on his shoulder, holding his hands in place on your waist. 

The concert lasted almost 2 hours, making it 3 a.m. when you two returned back to his house. As soon as the both entered your house, Rafe threw himself on your couch, his body exhausted from all the adrenaline. You giggled at your boyfriend, entering the kitchen to make bowls of cereal. Pouring Fruit loops into two bowls, you added the milk and grabbed two spoons. 

Plopping yourself next to Rafe's head, you shook the cereal box, his head snapping up to look at which one you grabbed. A dorky grin appeared on his face, sitting up and tucking his legs underneath. "You know what to do." You handed him the remote. He shoved a spoonful of cereal into his mouth before turning the TV onto Spongebob.

I remember where we started, I remember how you looked

Before Rafe asked you on your first date, he asked you to senior prom. He knew you were a sucker for surprises so he gathered his friends to help lead you to the outside bus dock. There Rafe stood with a glass jar in his hands. You walked up to him and read the sign, 'be a smartie and take this dum dum to prom!' In the glass vase was the smarties candies on the bottom, and dum dumb lollipops on top.

Not being able to hold back your smile, you happily said yes to him, earning cheers and whoops from everyone around you. 

Once prom actually came around, you never forgot what he looked like. He showed up at your door in a light blue tux, a corsage the color of your dress in his hands. You could easily tell he was nervous, but as soon as he saw you all of his nerves left. "You look… stunning." He exhaled, truly at a loss for words.

"Thank you! You clean up well." You joked, your hand skimming across the hems of his tux. His hand delicately cupped the side of your waist. "You truly do look like a princess."

But now I'm missing bits and pieces from the pages that you took. You didn't give a reason, I'll forever wonder why, we never got to finish the book of you and I.

You snuggled into your blankets, letting out a loud sigh. A soft knock echoed from the outside of your door. "Go away mom." You called out, only to hear another knock and the door opening. You flipped around to see Sarah Cameron standing at the foot of your bed with a box of pizza and plate of cookies. 

After you thought you were out of tears, more tears swelled in your eyes at the sight of her. She joined next to you in your bed, holding you in her arms as you sobbed into her chest. Resting her chin on the top of your head, Sarah held you, her heartbreaking to hear your distressed sobs. "Shhh. It's okay, I got you." She mumbled. 

"He never told me why," you started as you pulled away from her, wiping your tears on your blankets. "I don't know what I did wrong." You mumbled, picking at your fingernails. "Y/N, you did nothing wrong. Rafe is just an asshole, and I am so, so sorry for everything he's put you through recently." 

Sarah slid the box of pizza towards you, a small smile on your face you took a slice and nibbled on the end. "Before I hug you more, I need you to take a shower." Sarah admitted before grabbing a slice for herself. You immediately dropped the pizza, apologizing before running into the bathroom.

 Well, I bought a pen and I turned the page. Then I wrote about how I wish you'd stayed. I said all the things that I never got to say. Maybe when it's done, I will feel okay.

You sat at your desk, you thumb anxiously clicking the top of the pen. Your mom had bought you a journal to write down everything that you had going on in your mind. She said it would help you at least organize some thoughts instead of having them jumbled together in your head.

You sighed loudly before writing a letter that you knew you'd never send.

Dear Rafe,

God, I never thought I'd be writing this letter. I never thought we would break up. I never expected you to fall out of love with me. Everything just feels… out of place. You were my safe zone, out of everything that was changing in my life you constantly stayed by my side through everything and  I loved that about you. I wish you were still with me. I don't know why after everything you've done to me recently, but I miss your touch. I miss the smell of your cologne. I miss your cute nicknames for me. I miss watching Disney movies with you. I miss staying up with you. I miss all of you. I never told you this, but I always pictured us getting married. I pictured you proposing to me after like our 5 year anniversary. We would have two kids, you would get to pick where we'd live. I'd get to change my name to Y/N Cameron. My bed feels empty without you. You were my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first time, my first love, and as much as this hurts now, I am forever grateful you taught me how to love. I love you Rafe Cameron. No matter what.

Love,

Y/N

That he had grown so distant and that his love had shifted. I wish he felt the same.

Sarah finally convinced you to go to the beach with her due to you staying inside for nearly 3 months. You were about to meet Sarah's boyfriend and his friends for the first time. At first Sarah told you that she could cancel on John B, but you refused and insisted on meeting everyone.

You sat next to her on your towel, letting the sun hit your skin. You couldn't help but softly grin at the warm feeling. "Guys! Over here!" Sarah called out. A group of teens walked over to you two, welcoming smiles on everyone's faces. "Guys, this is Y/N. Y/N this is JJ, Kiara, Pope, and my boyfriend John B." 

You stood up from your spot and welcomed Sarah's friends with a smile. Kiara on the other hand pulled you into a tight hug. You let out a surprised laugh, hugging the girl back. Sarah had explained to them that you had just had a rough break up and to stay away from the topic. 

"You give really good hugs." You admitted, releasing the girl.

The day was going beautifully, everyone was swimming or surfing. You finally felt relaxed, like everything is okay. "Hey! Y/N look at this!" John B randomly shouted. Your head snapped towards him, looking at the shell he had in his hands. You observed it before a familiar voice echoed from further down the beach. Your hands dug into the sand, John B looking down at you with pity in his eyes.

"It's him isn't it?" He softly nodded his head. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a deep breath. JJ appeared by your side, "you want me to teach you how to surf?" Your heart felt warm at his offer. Nodding your head, you followed JJ into the ocean, your eyes not daring to look at Rafe.

Don't tell me that it's over, the book of you and I. Now you've scribbled out my name and you've erased my favorite lines.

After a long day of JJ teaching you how to surf, everybody agreed to get dinner at The Wreck. You jumped out of John B's van, holding the front door to the restaurant open for your friends. You stepped foot into the dining room, only to pause in your steps. 

You didn't care that you saw Rafe, you cared that you saw some girl under his arm. Your friends saw the color leave your face, all of them shoving back out the front door. You inhaled and exhaled harshly to prevent yourself from crying. "Hey. hey, come here." Sarah comforted you in her arms, trying your best to maintain your composure. You quickly stepped away from her, "no, no it's okay. I'm okay," you lied, shaking your hands out, "I think I just need to go home." 

Kiara nodded her head, "I'll take you home if you want." You shook your head, "no it's okay. I'm just gonna walk home." Sarah's eyebrows raised up. "Y/N that's like an 8 mile walk." You shrugged your shoulders. "I just want to be alone and walking is good. I'll text you when I get home, okay?" Everyone gave you a hug before watching you walk away from them. 

The moment you had your back turned on them, you broke down. How could he have moved on so quickly? Was she just a fling or a new relationship? So many questions in your mind, you knew could not be answered.

There were so many chapters that we never got to write, like cereal for dinner and staying up all night.

Rafe gently nudged your body, "psst. Baby, are you awake?" He whispered. You flipped around and faced him. "I haven't been able to sleep at all." You said, your hand immediately finding its place on the side of his face. "Wanna go skinny dipping?" He suggested. You jumped out of his bed as soon as he finished his sentence. He knew you had always wanted to try that, and since his parents were renovating a house that was 6 hours away staying a hotel, he knew this was a perfect time to do it.

You raced him down the stairwell and into his backyard. Quickly stripping, you were left in nothing. You jumped into the water, thankful that the pool lights were off. Rafe jumped in, joining you. You leaned your head back, letting the water sweep through your hair. 

Rafe swam up to you, his hands finding your butt as you wrapped your legs around his waist. "I don't know why we didn't do this sooner." You joked, pressing your chest against his. He swiped a stray piece of wet hair away from your eyes, his thumb shifting down to your lips. "Because we both know where this would lead." His thumb skimmed across your bottom lip, allowing you to open your mouth to kiss it. 

I remember where we started, I remember how you looked, but now I'm missing bits and pieces from the pages that you took. You never gave a reason, I'll forever wonder why, we never got to finish the book of you and I. Don't tell me, tell me that you're leaving me. My belly hurts and my heart is hardly beating right, I hate to beg, but I'll try one last time.

Dear Rafe,

It's been exactly one year since we broke up. I became friends with some Pogues. I know you'd flip on me if I told you that and we were still together, but they're treating me better than you have towards the end of our relationship. I'm not gonna lie, I still miss you sometimes, most of the time actually. I'm still confused on why things ended the way they did. You've avoided me the entire time, leaving me without a clue and I hate it. I picked at every flaw about myself, trying to figure out if that's why you left. Do you know how mentally draining that is? God, it fucking sucks. I stopped crying over you though. Yeah it hurts my heart when I see you, but I think I wasted all my tears on you. I really don't know why I'm even writing to you anymore, I feel like I told you everything I needed to. I used to beg every day and pray every single night to get you back, and it hasn't happened. But I get it now. You finished our story before I got the chance to finish it myself, and that's just how love works sometimes. I'll never forget you Rafe Cameron, but I'll also never forgive you.

Sincerely,

Y/N

[ma-gic-gay]

This is bad.

Boss and second best friend is presumed dead and I just had sex with his wife who happens to be my best friend bad. In his bed. In his house. Pretty sure I need to go and repent at a church when I'm not even religious bad.

Oh right, that's what happened. Minus the going to a church and confessing his sins to a priest part. That's probably what he should do, but he doubts he'll actually go through with that. A priest would probably somehow get to Sam or worse, end up knowing where Sonny is and been harboring him all this time. As far as he knows, you can't really have a priest not tell your secrets.

He's fucked. Scratch that, they're fucked.

Wrong choice of expression there. Very wrong. Ironic, but severely wrong expression.

What the hell is he supposed to do from here? What are they supposed to do from here? Go and confess their sins to a pastor? Too long and they'd probably end up in jail if that happened. Pretend it never happened? He knows that's not going to happen. There's going to be a long, drawn out conversation about it. Move to different continents and never speak to each other again? Too extreme, not to mention unlikely. Something would happen and they'd both be pulled back to town or to whatever continent they were on to post bail or something. Besides, they'd been friends forever. They could never not be in each other's lives. It was impossible.

Oh god. They're friends. No benefits. The last time there had been benefits attached, they had hated each other. Not in a typical "I hate you bitch" way, but in a "it doesn't matter if I never see you again. In fact, my life would be better if I didn't" way.

Needless to say they were not going back to those days. It would be impossible now; both had intertwined lives. Their kids were close and both were close to each other's kids. Extra parents, if you will. Not to mention, they both knew way too much about each other.

Irony is a cruel mistress, he thinks, thinking back to when they didn't even know each other's names. Those were the days of Robin and picking up random girls in bars before he learned his lesson about the girls he picked for his hookups carefully because if he didn't, there was a chance he'd end up with his entire life turned into a tornado of blonde hair and getting her out of trouble.

The quiet snoring at his side suddenly came to a stop, a telltale sign she's woken up or close to it.

Suddenly, he's all too aware of what happened last night between the two and what's going on now. They'd had sex (protected, at least they were stable enough to remember that) in the house Sonny bought, in his bed. The kids were at their friends houses, or in the case of Avery at her mother's. So at least the kids hadn't heard them.

Flashforward what he imagines can't be more than twelve hours and now they're in Sonny's bed, naked and both awake or waking up. The kids wouldn't suspect anything, provided none of his clothes besides his jacket were downstairs. He'd spent the night in general plenty of times and that had increased in this year.

Granted, their impulse control last night was to be questioned given that this had happened.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" Carly asks tiredly, still wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "And where the hell is your shirt? Or mine, for that matter- oh god."

She remembers. Dammit. This is both a good and a bad thing.

Good in the thing that he's now confirmed that they were sober, bad that now they've got decisions to make and neither of them make the best decisions when it's early in the morning and they're uncaffeinated.

"We need to talk about this, but first, coffee. Where the hell are our clothes? Please tell me we didn't leave them downstairs," she groans.

They find their clothes quickly enough and get dressed slightly awkwardly before heading downstairs to brew coffee.

The moss bowl that seems to continually grow, to the point that Jason was gifted some moss to go in his apartment as a housewarming gift from Carly, seems extra interesting this morning as he studies it intensely. That is one big moss plant. Over the course of a year, it got much larger than expected.

"Alright, we are not going to stand here in this awkward silence. We are going to discuss what happened last night and then figure out what the hell is means," she decides, handing him a mug of coffee.

"What is there to discuss? We had sex," he answers her simply after taking a sip of coffee.

"That's the exact thing we have to discuss."

"We're both very aware of how that works, Carly. Would you like me to pull up a diagram online and explain it?" Jason teases her.

"No smartass, I want to discuss the sex."

"Oh god," he groans into his coffee. "It's not even ten am and you've already decided that this is the big fight of the day for you. Couldn't this wait until, I don't know, Scout graduates college?"

"Jason," she warns, "humor me and discuss last night. I promise that this conversation will end sooner if you just agree to actually have it sooner."

"It'll end ten minutes before my funeral as opposed to at my funeral, then," he jokes.

"Do you want me to think about your death?"

"Alright fine I give in, we'll talk about it."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" She asks triumphantly.

"You are lucky I don't have anything else to do today besides paperwork I can have someone else do," he answers.

There's not enough coffee in the world to stop the headache he can feel she's going to bring to him today. It's a sixth sense by now, that she'll be giving him a headache that won't be fixed until the problem is solved.

In a weird way, it's a relief know that she does that. It's comforting in the strangest way.

Neither of them claimed to ever understand why it's calming.

"I know," she says, a smirk on her face. "Now, to the discussion about last night. We did it."

"We have already confirmed that information, yes," he agrees.

"It was good."

"Yeah."

"We're friends."

"Correct."

"I need more than one word answers!"

"We're reviewing information we both already agreed on and these aren't questions."

Sighing, Carly dramatically sips her coffee, getting a quiet chuckle out of her friend. "I still would appreciate an answer that wasn't a synonym of yes. Maybe one that's, I don't know, five or more words."

"Then ask me a question."

"Fine. Where do you want to go from here? Do we stay friends or be more or be friends with benefits or something else I haven't thought of yet?" The blonde rambles, caffeine kicking in.

"You're rambling."

"I'm aware."

"Just checking."

"Answer the question!"

"Calm down," he urges. "I don't know where to go from here."

"You're always the one who knows what to do in situations like these, not me!"

"Yes, I always come up with a plan of what to do when you and I hook up a day after Christmas. Because we've been in this situation loads of times before," he chuckle sarcastically.

"I meant when I do something impulsive, or you do something impulsive smartass," Carly glares at him playfully.

"Ah yes, my life's sole purpose: Stopping you from doing stupid things. And when that fails, getting you out of trouble," he jokes again. "I don't know what to do, for once. We may have a major problem on our hands."

"May have? Jason, if you can't figure out what to do from here, I think we're in major trouble! I haven't made a major life decision without a severe amount of your input in a very long time," the blonde exclaims, downing the last of her coffee like it'll help her make a decision of what to do here.

"That probably says something about you being codependent on me."

"You love me running into your apartment with your problems."

"Sometimes. Other times, your problems and plans are so stupid I don't understand them but somehow they hinge on me going along with them."

"Well of course they hinge on you going along with them? You're my best friend, if they didn't I'm convinced that our friendship would simply never recover from it. We'd live our lives without a single hope of ever getting back to this because you didn't go along with my plan," she says dramatically, smiling. "And that would be the worst thing to ever happen to either of us."

"Mhm," he says, rolling his eyes but a small smile pulls at his lips. "I believe you decided that we needed to figure this out."

"Well we do!"

"So far you've only stated the facts of what happened and some of the options of what to do. You're the one who decided we have to figure out exactly what this means before I'm even fully coherent."

"Drink your coffee faster."

"Solid advice coming from a woman who's already formed three plans before her first cup of coffee."

"You're right, there are about seventeen different possibilities in my mind at the moment based off of what decision we come to," she smiles at him. "Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then let's get it over with," he sighs, sipping his coffee in an attempt to not deal with a massive headache.

"First scenario is that we pretend this never happened and stay exactly the same. No awkwardness, last night is essentially wiped from our memories. Solid option, but it's impossible. Second is friends with benefits but we don't catch feelings. Again, solid option with no to minimal awkwardness, but I have a feeling we both know it won't end up happening, especially with me. Third is friends with benefits but we do catch feelings. Could end in repressing feelings or could end with us dating. Either way, ends up being fairly complicated. Fourth is that we begin dating. This one has equal pros and cons, primarily that if that ends up going south we won't have our friendship being the same and that would be the worst but that if it goes well, marriage. No more kids though, I think we've got enough of those.

"Fifth is we both move away and never see each other again. Not happening. We both would end up arrested. Or killed," Carly shudders at the thought, "Sixth option is that you go back to Sam and I begin the rather depressing at this age journey of dating. Seventh is that we acknowledge last night but continue as friends. Can't decide the pros and cons of that one."

"I haven't even finished my coffee yet and you're already planning seven different ideas for your future?" Jason asks, impressed and terrified at the same time. "Good god."

"Well now you have seven options to choose from. No pressure but if you choose five, I will never forgive you."

"Five is automatically out of the story, don't worry about that."

"In that case, you have six options to choose from."

"Why can't you choose?"

"Because I'm incapable of making a decision of this caliber on my own."

"But I'm not?"

"Fine, we'll make this decision together. After all, it affects us both." Carly agrees against her better judgement. "We should make a list."

"A list?" He groans. "This sounds dangerously close to a plan."

"It's not a plan, though. That's the beauty of it, we make a pros and cons list. From there, we make our decision."

"Most people would flip a coin."

"That's a terrible way to make a decision."

"Not really but fine, we'll make a list."

"I knew you'd give in."

To be continued when I'm not half asleep

oh dear-