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lucky-sevens · 4 years

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carmilla basics

recently, there’s been a lot of discussion about mischaracterizations of dr carmilla, which has led to a lot of people asking how to understand her lore! being unsure about how to start with carmilla is a completely valid feeling, given that knowledge on her is far harder to gain than knowledge of the albums or the crew of the aurora. i’ve compiled this meta due to discussion on maki’s discord about this, and it has been betaed by @stolen-stardust! in this post, i’ll outline the basics; who dr carmilla is out-of-universe, a summary of who she is in-universe, and where to find the content centered on her.

more under cut!

out-of-universe, dr carmilla is played by maki yamazaki. maki’s website can be found here and her bandcamp can be found here (it includes the solo carmilla albums, as well as music unrelated to the mechanisms that i’d highly recommend).

all the lore about carmilla’s relationship to the mechanisms has parallels out-of-universe. (from here on, i’ll use ‘the mechanisms’ to refer to the band out of character, ‘the crew of the aurora’ to refer to the band in-character, ‘maki yamazaki’ to refer to her out of character, and ‘dr carmilla’ to refer to her in-character.) the mechanisms were maki yamazaki’s backing band, meaning dr carmilla had the crew of the aurora as her backing band. during this era, the band was technically a separate entity from the mechanisms or from the solo dr carmilla albums, and was known as dr carmilla and the mechanisms. this band began in 2010 and split up in august 2012. (see ‘a brief mechanisms timeline’ by @wickedace, as well as further confirmation by maki on her server and on the mechanisms website.) due to the increase of mechanisms fans happening after dr carmilla and the mechanisms broke up, there are minimal records of this band.

when they broke up out-of-universe, in-universe lore about carmilla leaving was established. the crew of the aurora’s official statement is that she was pushed out an airlock (x), though we know from maki that was untrue; possibly because they lied on purpose, possibly since lore has been retconned and diverged between the groups since.

maki yamazaki then went on to create solo music as dr carmilla, much of which seems to be things that were written and performed in dr carmilla and the mechanisms but recorded as solo versions with changed instrumentals for the studio recordings. she currently has two albums and a single out as dr carmilla (as well as, again, unrelated solo music that i’d highly recommend), and is working on a trilogy of albums with a group of people as dr carmilla and the void quartet (official band name announcement here). due to this, as well as unrelated things like the death of byron von raum, talking about the mechanisms like they are completely over and have static lore isn’t really correct.

in-universe, dr carmilla is a lesbian vampire and the person who mechanized the crew of the aurora.

to understand her lore, analysis and extrapolation is required. i have gone further into this here, where i organize her album exhumed and {un}plugged into chronological order. for now, i’ll write a basic summary.

at some point (when she was younger than 30), carmilla became a vampire. this could have been, but is not explicitly, what her song alive, i cried, is about. she is one of only two vampires. the assumption that many people have made and that all my theories are built on is that the other vampire was her lover, loreli. this is supported by maki saying ‘dead needs further clarification’ when asked whether loreli was alive or not, suggesting that she was undead. however, there are other theories, the main one that i have seen being that the other vampire is rocket girl, the unnamed character carmilla is singing about in her song ‘rocket girl’, who we know has more lore about her that is currently unknown. for simplicity, i’ll write the rest of this meta with the assumption loreli is the other vampire. after she was turned, or potentially before, her relationship with carmilla turned toxic and abusive, which a few of carmilla’s songs are about, most notably pin cushion.

carmilla’s home planet, terra, was already heading towards destruction, but something she did changed it greatly. (i’ve touched on one of my theories about it here). the main source we have on terra is here, which describes it as completely destroyed. this is likely after carmilla has already left. we know there were songs about the destruction of terra (see the tv tropes page) but they were not recorded and may have been retconned. carmilla destroyed one of terra’s moons, which is likely related. we know carmilla adopted aurora as an orphan and aurora was a moon of terra, which likely meant that the moon of terra that was destroyed was aurora’s parent and this was when aurora and carmilla first met. (more on this in my aurora meta.)

from here, her lore gets fuzzy for a while. we don’t know what happened between her and loreli to make her strike out on her own or what initially led her to make the crew of the aurora immortal. we do know she had some kind of involvement in the bifrost incident (see my eldritch mechanisms meta), which some people theorize was before she met the crew of the aurora. we also know there were failed mechanisms before the ones we know. i’ve written about my theory that one was king cole, but the others are unknown.

we get more clarity when she meets the mechanisms. this is the lore most people know about and the lore with the most controversy. we know the mechanisms overall have very negative feelings towards her and that carmilla loved them and considered them her children. i won’t reiterate what has been said before on this subject; my older meta on carmilla’s relationship with the mechanisms is here and i feel that it analyzes canon thoroughly. there are a few discourse posts on tumblr about this; i was looking for one i had a memory of seeing that addressed and analyzed the situation and couldn’t seem to find it, but i’ll use @stolen-stardust’s, here, as an example. to summarize the actual lore for people who are very new and have no basis, she made them all immortal and lived with them on the aurora for a long time.

after leaving the mechanisms, she chased after them for a while- or at least, they believe she chased after them- and watched the events of once upon a time (in space) with the toy soldier (see: the song eleven). my personal theory is after that she went back in time and buried herself alive with loreli, which i’ve talked about in my previously linked timeline meta. however, this is not canon. what is canon is that afterwards, her song exhumed happened, which mentioned her cloning herself; more on that here. she is currently travelling with the void quartet, her new (mortal-but-likely-eldritch) band, on the silvana (a spaceship that’s likely sentient and definitely has some strangeness going on with them), through the weird (an eldritch extradimensional space). more on this will likely come to light on the release of her new albums.

with her out-of-universe and in-universe lore summarized, i’ll link some resources for finding out more!

studio albums

ageha (prototype edition)- bandcamp | youtube

exhumed and {un}plugged- bandcamp | youtube

singles

the city {nex:type mix}- bandcamp | youtube

eleven- bandcamp | youtube

live recordings (dr carmilla and the mechanisms)

lashings- youtube (with subtitles) | transcript

homesick- lyrics video | youtube | transcript

unrelated work

made in a day- bandcamp

wouldn’t it be nice 2b human?- bandcamp

transmissions albums- 01 | 02 | 03

miscellaneous

official in-character twitter

tv tropes page

photos- (x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x)(x) (note that she’s a lot less pale than commonly depicted; please do not whitewash carmilla in your art.)

as said on my about, there is a specific document with a lot of lore compiled that’s exclusive to the mechanisms discord and maki’s discord server; maki has said that she doesn't want it shared outside of the discord, as most of the lore is improvised and subject to retconnings, as well as having that ambiguous status that word of god always has. more on how to join the discord can be found here.

#dr carmilla #the mechanisms #the mechs #meta #my posts

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talysalankil · 2 years

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In Which Talys Rants About His Latest (resurgent) Hyperfixation Instead Of Going To Sleep

;It’s exactly what it says in the title. The past week and a half have been a spiral of anxiety depression and ADHD and that has somehow led me into rediscovering my hyperfixation for mapmaking, using the world of FTEITS as a case study.

Mostly it’s an excuse to show my progress and go

(shout-out to the useless tumblr GIF keyboard that forced me to leave tumblr and google the gif)

Methodology and Tools

I’m using Artifexian’s excellent worldbuilding and atlas mapping series, plus supplemental research whenever he doesn’t provide enough information for my specific case.

As for tools, aside from GPlates from Artifexian, I use Affinity Designer, because it’s a single purchase instead of Adobe’s hell subscription and I find the free vector programs like Inkscape too limiting.

Step One: Get your old shit together

So, I’ve drawn the world of FTEITS (I refer to it as “world of four” internally, a moniker which loses meaning the further I stop treating four as my arc number, but whatever) on paper years ago. Here’s an almost-up-to-date scan (the one I used as reference for all this)

A year ago I already tried doing this exact process I’m doing it now: basically using GPlates to project that on a sphere, then drawing continents to adjust the shape directly on a globe, which got me here

Step Two: Adjust that shit and get some climates

Climate zones are one of the things I wanted to do this whole thing for. Basically I’m fine drawing whatever shape, but I thought it would be easier to flesh out the world with a more systematic approach.

I technically started this last year too, including the tectonic plates (basically I already knew where I wanted mountains, so I added plates to justify their existence). I also adjusted the shape of the continent known as Aarde (name subject to change as 2022 me is a lot keener than 2012 me that maybe using Dutch as the basis for the language of your majority black continent “because Afrikaans” is actually a bad idea) because I realized it was too small and my southern hemisphere too empty.

I also decided to add a couple islands in the southeast, adjusted the shape of that continent since I wanted a monsoon circulation there and it turns out you need an equatorial ocean for that to happen.

Step Three: Fill in more shit like resources, then realize you completely messed up ocean circulation

Basically what that says. Ocean currents dictate a lot (including climates, but also stuff like fishing hotspots). And I completely misunderstood the way ocean currents work.

So I decided to add what is essentially a submerged continent to the south pole to create some fishing hotspots near the (still needs to be renamed) Moeder Eiland, and also made shitty annotations on the map before I went back to the drawing board.

Basically marking ocean ridges and trenches, and a sketch of that continent knowing that I’d go back to GPlates to make it look okay on a sphere.

Step Four: Actually execute concept

The only thing I actually did in gplates was redo my tectonic plates and draw that submerged continent. Oh, and also, I added a mountain range to the southeast of Eogua. Which, ironically, I then found my paper map for an unrelated thing (I forgot what the other mountain range was named) and found that at some point in the past, I independently had already decided to add a mountain range there. So. I did that.

I also started doing an elevation map in more details (this one is incompete; i focused on getting the mountains done first since they also influenced climates which, again, were my primary goal here). With my tablet and pencil, this actually starts to look like, you know, a map? Madness.

Step Five: Work, work, work

So it turns out that an elevation map takes a ton of work. No wonder I never finished the first one. If the brain worms hadn’t dictated it now I don’t know how I would have done it.

Oh, also I adjusted some shit near the poles since distortions and all that. So that was another round in GPlates too.

Oh hey, this is finished, right? Right???

Step Six: Realize you fucked up ocean currents again

In my defense, I’d say the artifexian guide on that is just. not great.

Anyway between that and a first iteration on climate zones I realized it was time to adjust some shapes again. Which. Maybe I should have checked my climates before I finished the elevation map so these changes didn’t have to cascade across a bunch of different layers.

So I adjusted the landmasses for my main setting, shifting it north…

And then finally I redid the currents to get something that I think is more or less correct, or as close to correct as I’m bothered getting anyway

Oh, and I added more islands. I don’t even know if they’re visible in this file size lmao

Step Seven: Realize If You Want To Export Many Maps You’re Gonna Be In Trouble

Okay so Affinity programs have this “Persona” feature which lets you essentially switch modes. One of them is the Export persona that lets you say “these are the outputs I want from my file”

Problem is (and this is a feature people have asked but hasn’t come yet) all you can do there is slice your file. I would have liked if instead my slices were like “this and that layer for the elevation map, this and that layer for the climate map” but i guess that’s not in the cards right now

So…I cut my file into a bunch of artboards, and used the Symbol feature to ensure that each artboard was synced (a symbol basically flags a layer so that every duplicate of that layer will be edited at the same time, and you can even scale them differently, etc etc). For now I have three artboards, but I can already tell I’ll probably need to split them up further, for instance if I want an export for the tectonic map.

But for now it’s a topograhy map, a climate zone map, and a sociopolitical map. The first two are complete (you know, barring potential changes and iterations, but I consider them done). The third is just a sketch where I plopped down the major cities, I’ll be adding more stuff as I figure out how to do it.

Needless to say, it’s not great to look at but whatever.

Step Eight: Waste Almost An Hour Writing A Tumblr Post About All This

In my defense, the beta post editor did decide to crash on me. It does not handle moving pictures around well. I’m writing this using the old, non-beta editor now.

And so, finally, the higher-quality files (higher because i did have to add an export to JPEG just so tumblr would accept the goddamn files)

And once again:

#talysnovel: fteits #this is probably the most in depth i've gotten about the world on tumblr #talys makes maps

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utau-bowl · 3 years

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So You Want to Design an UTAU

Hello I’ve been meaning to post this for a long time, as someone who puts care into creating my UTAUs. I thought it might be useful to some people.

This is part guide and part inside look at what I do while creating my own UTAUs. I hope it helps someone.

Beginning Phase

First, I made a document using ideas I wanted to include. I design UTAUs based on tropes and qualities I like and want to see more often in characters. Here’s the list from 2019 of some qualities I wanted to give Lycoris. Some are subjective while others are specific.

monster qualities(three eyes/horns)

intimidating looking

bob haircut

modern clothing

Unique but not super dressed up

square jaw

broad shoulders

Thinking of what you want to see in an UTAU can help with the design process. Find different ways to put those elements together or add new ones!

Naming Conventions

It is extremely common for UTAUs to have Japanese names which are filled with meaning. Using the “Ne” kanji (which can also be read as oto) was common from 2008-2012 and is still used sometimes today. Using “-loid” or “-poid” suffixes is common, but may make your UTAU seem more like a software than a character.

I chose to give all my UTAUs non-Japanese names in order to make it easier on myself. Japanese naming conventions can be difficult to learn if you’re a beginner. Lycoris is a Greek name, Omichron is a made up name that’s Greek-ish, and Alta Maha’s name was inspired by the Altamaha-ha, a creature with roots in Indigenous Muscogee tradition. From the start I wanted all my UTAUs to have lore, and for them to be mythical/fictional beings of some kind. Making all your UTAUs in the same art style and theme can be fun, but don’t feel obligated to. Having a single UTAU with many updates and appends is also common.

Speaking of appends, the most straightforward way to name them is by voice type (Solid, Soft, etc) but unique names are fun too! I named all of Lycoris’ vbs after phases of the moon and have stuck with that choice.

A good tip is to not give your UTAU a name that already exists in UTAU land. Looking at Vocadb and UTAU wiki is an easy way to check for that. UTAUs are all part of the same “category” of vocal synths, so having a name similar to another can make it hard for people to find info about your UTAU.

Designs

Choosing to not give your UTAU a design is feasible, but that’s also a conscious choice. UTAUs may get more publicity than your OCs that aren’t tied to some other known property, so many want to give them good and memorable designs. Character design is subjective and a very complex topic, so I’ll just sum up some tips for UTAUs that I kept in mind.

The best advice for designs is to not trace any other art, official or not! If you trace, say, a Kei art, people will notice and their view of your UTAU may sour. Even using a picrew or a free to use base is better than tracing(as long as it’s allowed). In fact, there’s quite a few UTAUs in existnce who started out as picrew OCs. Commissioning another artist may be an option if money is no object.

Many UTAU designs were/are inspired by existing Vocaloids or the Macne series. The best advice I can give for these is to add some defining feature that makes them unique from their inspiration. There isn’t anything wrong with being inspired by an existing vocal synth as long as it’s not a blatant ripoff. My Omichron was loosely inspired by Macne Papa, but you probably wouldn’t guess that immediately!

I went through many, many concepts for Lycoris before settling on my final one. One of these eventually became the basis for Alta’s design! Other times, I find a design I want to settle on quickly.

This is the Lycoris concept that eventually became Alta. I largely was inspired by irl fashion.

I personally start with color palettes before drawing out an actual design, and when I settle on a design I adjust the colors further until they’re exactly how I want them. Colourpod is a good place to find palettes. Sticking to a limited set of colors means I’m not struggling to find some that look good together.

Creating a Pinterest board for your UTAU’s overall aesthetic can help to take inspiration from! It constantly gives new suggestions and ideas base on the images you add to it.

Standing Art

Deciding on a pose for your standing art can be tricky. My general tips here are to plan it in a way that shows off most of the design. Perspective shots are great but not for default standing pictures which may be reused for covers/other material.

You don’t have to make every standing picture perfect...I tend to do that and it makes them take forever, haha. Sketchy/simple official art can be just as pretty. And there’s all the time in the world to re-draw it.

Those are just a few tips for how I handle UTAU character designs! Nothing is a hard and fast rule of course. The best advice to creating UTAUs is to have fun with it.

#art #advice #personal #this is a more personal thing so I wont tag it as tutorial #utau resource #resource #resources #lycoris grey #alta maha #omichron delta-1000 #omichron #i wrote this really late so its a mess

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x0401x · 5 years

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hey did you hear that one of KyoAni's studios got attacked by an arsonist :(

I actually hadn’t. I went to read the article and holy shit, this was super serious. According to the news, here’s what happened:

There was an explosion in the studio and fire took up a big part of it.

The fire took five hours to be extinguished. One of the eyewitnesses said that it looked like she was staring straight into hell.

The police found the culprit nearby. He was being pursued by employees of the studio as he tried to flee to a train station and collapsed onto a woman’s yard. He had injured himself while lighting the fire, and so the police took him to the hospital under custody.

The fire thankfully did not spread to the neighboring houses and buildings.

The facility that got attacked is called “the first studio”. It’s KyoAni’s main studio, built in the 50′s. It’s the very core of the company as a whole.

The arsonist was purposefully targeting the employees. A woman came running out of the studio covered in flames, asking for help and saying that the man had poured gasoline directly on her.

One of the victims had to have both of their legs amputated.

When the guy broke into the studio and set the fire, he yelled at everyone inside to die.

He apparently sent death threats to KyoAni’s website before the attack. The president of the company told the news that, although they don’t get protests on a daily basis, they do deal with it often. This was far from the first time that they had received those kinds of messages. They normally resolve it with lawyers and protocol, so an investigation was underway, but the police hadn’t yet been able to trace the messages until then.

The number of fatalities is 36, which is half of the 74 people who were in the studio at the time of the attack. Other 6 victims are still being treated in hospitals, but as of October, it was announced that none of the remaining victims are in life-threatening conditions anymore.

Several knives and hammers were found at the scene of the crime, but the knives were unused.

The reason for the attack was accused plagiarism. A witness claims to have clearly heard him say “you ripped me off”. The arsonist claimed that KyoAni copied his novel, and that “they’re always stealing, so it’s their own fault”.

The man is from Saitama. He’s 41 and has never had any involvement with KyoAni prior to this attack. All he did was send a novel manuscript to the studio’s publisher, but the manuscript was forgotten due to not passing the first selection stages.

He's confirmed to have severe mental issues. The police was called to his house several times earlier this year due to loud music and banging on walls. He reportedly also grabbed a neighbor by the hair once and threatened to kill him for his complaints.

This was not his first crime. He’s served 3.5 years in prison for robbing a convenience store in 2012.

The police is waiting for him to recover from the serious burns so that they can interrogate him. For now, he can only nod and shake his head.

The studio was mostly made of wood and had no fire hydrants or sprinkles, so the destruction was extreme. The president of the company reported that all of their computers, documents and equipment were lost in the fire. However, the server survived the fire and everything in it was successfully restored. Anything not saved in it was lost, though.

The names of all victims have already been released by the police, except the latest one, who passed away in the hospital due to septic shock after the list of names had been made public.

According to ANN, this has been the second worst mass murder in Japan’s post-World War II history.

I’m baffled. Honestly never saw that shit coming. I’m just praying that the guy behind this will be punished.

Also, Sentai Films has created a donation page for KyoAni. They’re already way past their goal and I think that’s amazing. But surely they might need even more than that, since the damage was enormous. Let’s keep this going for as long as we can, guys. And aside from this campaign, several other ways to offer assistance to KyoAni can be found here.

Help KyoAni Heal!

#kyoani #kyoto animation

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thetruthaboutbeliza · 4 years

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The Truth

A thread of Beliza’s innocence.

To start out the Pilot for The 100 was filmed in July of 2013 and Season 1 started filming in August of 2013. This would’ve been when Bob and Eliza first became friends. It IS possible they had a brief fling during this time, however there’s nothing to confirm or deny that.

It’s believed that Bob started dating a girl named Jane Gosden sometime in 2014 and they broke up sometime in 2015. I had trouble finding information about Jane originally and the only source I had found online said they dated 2014-2015 however, that is incorrect. They were together for a few years and broke up some time after May 2014. Jane actually still has quite a few photos on her Instagram of her and Bob together and her with his family. She still interacts with Bob’s sister on a frequent basis as well. I’m still not 100% sure when they started dated but, they were at least together from 2012-2014.

Bob and Arryn met in April 2015 at Supanova in Australia. We know this by photos of them at the con together. Below you can see Bob in the green hat in the back next to Arryn. Barbara is also in the center there in light blue. There are a few other photos of Arryn, Barb, and Bob hanging out during Supanova.

Arryn and Miles Luna were dating from 2010 until some time in mid 2015 (either May, June, or July). They wrote blog posts confirming their break up in August 2015 and stated they’d been broken up for a little while but didn’t want to announce it until after RTX. In Arryn’s post detailing their break up it is important to note she cited Australia as a reason for their break up.

Everyone wants to attack Bob and Eliza for “moving on quickly” from their exes, specifically Bob from Arryn but, Arryn literally left Miles for Bob. Did they cheat? I don’t know. No one does. But she clearly fell for Bob during Supanova and decided to leave her family/friends/boyfriend behind and pursue Bob and a life in LA. Now it is important to note that she said she wasn’t moving until the END of September 2015. At that point in time she was ALREADY traveling quite frequently out to Vancouver. Vancouver is where The 100 filmed. Some of the cast had photos with her during this time, she was being tagged in posts with them and Bob, her and Bob were talking often on Twitter, and in some of her photos that were more “cryptic” (ie. photos of her at a coffee shop with her and someone else’s shoes) she mentioned something about “Aussies knowing how to do it right.” Bob is Australian.

So sometime in July 2015 she started traveling often to Vancouver. August 2015 she officially announces her split from Miles but stated they’d been broken up for a bit but didn’t want to tell anyone until after RTX and that she’d be moving to LA to “pursue her dreams” by the end of September 2015. This pretty much confirms that the Anon Twitter account TruevFalse was correct in stating that Arryn still lived with her ex Miles for a brief time when her and Bob started dating. We don’t have the EXACT date/time of them officially starting to date but they were clearly talking seriously July-Aug 2015 if she was flying out that often to Vancouver where he was filming. At some other point she later specifically stated that she moved to LA for Bob. I’m not sure if this was in stream or where she stated this but, I’ve seen multiple people cite that she said that. Confirming she broke up with Miles for Bob. That alone should stop people from automatically attacking Bob and Eliza for getting together quickly. Was it quick? Yes. Even IF that had been cheating like Arryn claims - they wouldn’t have been in a relationship. Having an affair isn’t a real relationship and getting married a few months after officially dating is still fairly fast - cheating or not - but, that’s not for anyone else to comment on. Plenty of people have done something similar - hell some people get married weeks after meeting someone. When you know, you know. But if you’re going to attack them automatically for moving quickly, “Eliza stealing Bob”, or Bob leaving Arryn for Eliza - then you should be equally upset with Arryn for doing the same thing previously to be with Bob.

On to the abuse allegations. She states that Bob was controlling and isolated her from her family and friends and that she had no friends in LA. But that’s 100% HER doing. As I stated, she literally LEFT her boyfriend/friends/family/job to move out to LA where she knew no one to be with Bob. If you’re telling me he forced her to do all of that before they were even dating - you’re crazy. I do believe she left to pursue a better future in LA but, her main motive for moving was Bob. From there he then invited her into his group of friends (The 100 cast) and quite often she was out with certain members of the cast WITHOUT Bob present. Now I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a controlling/abusive relationship but, I have. Also doing any sort of research on the topic will come to a very similar conclusion: abusers/controlling partners do not want you to have ANY friends, they especially don’t want you hanging out with THEIR friends outside of them being with you, and if they don’t like someone they tell you not to be friends with them, associate with them, or hang around them. Arryn was with The 100 cast a ton, like I said, a lot of times she was with them without Bob around. She quite often did photoshoots when she was home in LA with a friend, and she was still constantly hanging out with Barbara. My reason for bringing Barbara up is a few. 1) Arryn claimed Bob specifically didn’t like Barbara and thought she was a bad friend. This *could* be true, who knows. But if we’re going by Arryn claiming Bob was controlling, then he would’ve told her not to be friends with Barbara. Period. Now yes, Arryn would’ve had to see Barbara on occasion for cons or while they were doing promotion work for RWBY but, he probably would’ve told her to limit her interaction with Barbara during those times and outside of that - not communicate with her. That is what an abuser/controller does. 2) My other reason for bringing Barbara into this is because of Barbara’s boyfriend Trevor Collins and his ex Emily. Emily has talked about the abuse she suffered from Trevor for years during their relationship. She was much younger than he was and when they started dating he was controlling/abusive. She specifically stated she was NOT allowed to be friends with his friends or talk to them unless he was around and that he cheated on her with a co-worker (Barbara) and that they manipulated her by calling her crazy while she had suspicions but they denied it. Now that sounds awfully familiar to Arryn’s story and it’s quite hypocritical for Arryn to know her best friend did this and then to hate Eliza for “doing the same thing”. Here are pieces of Emily’s statement/story. Did Arryn steal part of her story for her own? I can’t say for sure. It’s also important to note Trevor is part of RTX which Miles, Barbara, and Arryn were/are a part of and that the “friend group” Emily was referring to probably included Arryn but, I’m not 100% sure on that.

Another part of Arryn’s story was that Bob FORCED her to be friends with Eliza. So he can FORCE her to be friends with someone but can’t FORCE her to not be friends with Barbara even though she specifically mentions he didn’t like her? She said he forced her to be friends with Eliza even though he had told her he “hated” Eliza but, I’m not sure when he would’ve possibly hated her as Eliza and Bob have been friends since filming began. There’s never not been interaction/photos/hanging out of those two. They’ve always been adamant about being best friends/super close. And Arryn was often seen with Eliza, again, without Bob around. I could imagine Bob trying to force her to be friends/friendly with Eliza while he brought Eliza around but, it’s incredibly odd he’d somehow force Arryn to hang out with Eliza on her own.

On to the accusation of Bob being a biphobe and that he was not happy with her being bisexual. This one is just incredibly wrong for multiple reasons. Firstly, a few people defending Arryn have stated Bob has never shown any sort of support for Bisexuals or LGBTQ and that’s false. He’s actually been fairly vocal (to Bob’s standards anyways as he’s not very vocal on Social Media in general) about LGBTQ rights/support and has commented quite a few times about how proud he was to be a part of a show where they had a leading lady being Bisexual. Bob was also part of one of Australia’s first gay kiss scenes on tv. He went to Pride with Richard well before Arryn ever did and according to her statement she says “when he found out I was bisexual he was furious” but Arryn has always been openly Bisexual. She was constantly talking about it during on twitter during the time they were constantly tweeting each other back and forth before she officially broke up with Miles. There’s no possible way Bob didn’t know Arryn was bisexual before dating her. If he was biphobic, he simply wouldn’t have dated her, nor would he constantly be showing support for LGBTQ over the years. Arryn also frequently talked about being Bisexual still while they were dating. She was never not open about that.

Those above are some of the times he’s been vocal about Bisexual/LGBTQ rights/support. He’s also a fan of Tegan and Sara and has liked a few posts of theirs. Then we have the post from yesterday of Eliza talking about being proud to represent Bisexuals by playing Clarke and Bob taking the photo/liking the post.

With Arryn deactivating her Twitter I can’t go through and find all the times she was open about being Bisexual while with Bob but, here are two instances I could find. So she never stopped talking about her sexuality while with Bob.

One of the biggest holes in Arryn’s story is when she talks about how she got a rental property for her and Bob in Australia and after doing the paperwork and moving everything in, shortly after he dumped her to be with Eliza and that they stole the place from her and that he never intended for that to be their place. The first thing about that is there was never a place in Australia - the place in Australia that Bob and Eliza have was BOUGHT by them and is NOT the place Arryn is referring to. I was incorrect about this statement - I got confused and thought Arryn had said in her statement that the house was in Australia but, she said “The Hills” and I remembered seeing some fans attacking Bob for posting photos of their house in Australia on his cover on Facebook as “rubbing it in her face” and combined those in my head. So I apologize.

The place Arryn is referring to is the rental place in LA. I’m not sure how she made that error or why she didn’t correct it but, there’s that. So Eliza and Bob “stole” the rental home from her but, later on in her statement she confirms that she actually DID live in the rental house and that she left because she got spooked when fans found out she was looking for roommates since she couldn’t afford to live there by herself. She states that herself and plenty of fans have confirmed remembering seeing her looking for roommates during that time. Bob gave her the place originally, she couldn’t afford it and got scared, so she gave it back to him. That is the house where Bob and Eliza are currently staying at during quarantine in LA. Now according to Eliza’s story of when her and Bob got together she states that she had signed a one year lease with her friend Nina in Vancouver sometime in Feb. 2019 and in March 2019 when they were unpacking Bob came over and asked her on a date. Going back to Arryn’s story, this couldn’t be true since according to her they were having an affair for at least 6 months that she knew of and that her getting their rental house in LA in December 2018 was essentially for Bob and Eliza she just didn’t know that at the time. These photos from Nina’s Instagram/Stories confirm Eliza’s side of the story.

So Eliza was still with Nina until at least May 2019. It wasn’t until June 2019 that Eliza was officially living with Bob and they had gotten Panda.

If they stole this place from her, why did they not move in together until June?

Another part of Arryn’s story is about how she “caught” them together on camera while she was in New Zealand. That trip by the way, she was with her mother while Bob was home in LA recovering from knee surgery. She went on a trip with her mother (aka family that Bob isolated her from) while he was recovering from surgery. You’d think someone controlling would force her to stay and take care of them. Shortly after she “caught” them cheating, she publicly announced how much she missed Eliza and wished her a happy birthday via Instagram. So this was the “6 months” she was referring to, she “caught” them together, and then 6 months later in Feb 2019 he dumped her for Eliza. However, up until Jun 2019 (when they officially married/moved in together), Arryn was STILL friendly with them both on social media. Now I understand people want to say “well she was brainwashed by them, it makes sense”. Again, if you’ve been in a situation like this the moment you’re free from your abuser/s you cut the chord. It makes no sense she’d continue to be friendly with them both AFTER catching them cheating, AFTER he dumped her for Eliza and “stole” the house she got for them, and AFTER escaping her abuser. Giving her the benefit of the doubt and she did still feel the need to be attached to her abuser/s for a while after the break up, why was it that when she caught them cheating 6 months prior did she only claim she felt betrayed by one of her close friends and cut them off completely in June 2019 after Beliza announced their marriage? She had no problem cutting off the “betrayer” then.

The youtube video below is an interview featuring Barbara and Arryn May 14th 2019 where at she talks about the betrayal. She says she had a friend betray a huge amount of trust even though they thought they were close and the best way to deal with it was to cut them completely off. (This was clearly about Eliza and is around the 53:00 mark). Mind you, going back to her statement she claims Bob “forced” them to be friends. In this same interview she also talks about getting a therapist (around 10:49 mark) “for no reason in particular” and “doesn’t know what she even needs help with” other than her anxiety and feeling like she didn’t want to dump all her problems on friends and wanted someone to talk to. She talks very light hearted about it and in no way indicates that she’s seeking therapy for an abusive relationship or anything similar. While watching this interview, at (29:40) is where she actually confirms moving to LA with a significant other. Confirming earlier that she left Miles for Bob. She also says that she found most of her friends were through said significant other (Bob) and although she’s friends with them even though they aren’t together anymore, she doesn’t have too many friends outside of that relationship but, (again she’s very light-hearted talking about this) that it’s because she spent so much time around them that your friends become theirs and vise versa and that she “really doesn’t want to make friends because she’s comfortable being alone”. She later (around 42:00) talks about how pretty much ALL of her friends have been because of boyfriends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvBtaCp_5Ro&ab_channel=RoosterTeeth

Now then, in her other statement she mentions her relationship with Miles briefly because people brought up that she cheated on him. She states “they were consenting adults in their relationship and he was okay with me being with a woman”. This is only true to a degree - he was technically okay with it, however she cheated FIRST, she started making out with a girl while drunk and he saw it and him and his friends thought it was “hot”. Afterwards she asked him if it was fine and he said “yes because I’m right here and it’s hot”. He also basically implies that he’d be “okay” with his girlfriend cheating with another girl but not a man. This is all from HIS mouth. Not only is all of that completely derogatory to bisexuals (I’m bi just FYI), it cancels out her statement of them talking about her being with another girl beforehand and him being okay with it because they did NOT talk about it before. He simply said he was okay with her being bi.

Here’s the video: https://twitter.com/klarkbell/status/1294995706906849281?s=20 In her statement she also claims that Bob cheated on his previous ex (Jane) with Eliza. How would she know this first of all? And secondly, Jane is actually still close with his family. I can’t imagine she would be if he cheated on her. Especially because they dated for a little over a year where him and Arryn dated for over 3 years. Bob’s family cut off Arryn but, not Jane. It’s also a bit odd to me that Arryn’s mother is still friends with Bob’s mother. Terry is Bob’s mother, Bev is Arryn’s.

Next we have the video that stirred Arryn’s statement to begin with where she was on stream saying “the last two women I dated were batshit, actually most women are batshit” and then proceeded to say that she has a history of dating “psychopaths and narcissists”. These are all incredibly gross statements and if you find yourself claiming that ALL of your relationships are either psychos, narcissists, and/or batshit - you should probably check yourself.

https://twitter.com/klarkbell/status/1302700329138565122?s=20

She says she’s terrified of Bob, always has been and still is. However, she never once claimed he was physically abusive. I don’t know a single person who’s been emotionally/mentally abusive who has ever used the term “afraid” when talking about the abuser. The ex I had that was controlling and the ex I had that was mentally abusive both had a lot of issues, they were assholes, toxic, and terrible partners but, I was never once afraid of them. I’ve dealt with a narcissist (actually the ex of my partner who has bullied/harassed me, not an ex of my own) and while being a pathological liar is a trait of a narcissist - it doesn’t make you automatically a narcissist to be a pathological liar and/or toxic. Nothing she describes = narcissist. So it’s not okay that she uses that term to describe Bob or any of her exes. Talk to anyone who’s been physically abused and you’ll get the statement of them being scared and/or terrified. However, you’ll also get a vastly different reaction from them compared to Arryn’s on how they speak about the abuse they endured and their abuser. If you’re scared of someone after being abused, you don’t call them names, you don’t laugh about name calling, or about the abuse you endured (no, not even to “break tension”), you’re terrified - you’re scared of speaking out extremely vocally because of “what they might do to you”. I’d also like to mention it’s extremely rare for the abuser to dump the victim. They’re controlling/abusive to KEEP you around, they SCARE you to KEEP you around. Not dump you to be with someone else.

Abusive people also don’t just magically change/get better. They have a history of being this way and more often than not continue to be that way to future partners. Arryn claims Bob wasn’t supportive of anything she did, didn’t let her sing/do music, isolated her from family and friends, refused therapy. Yet, with Eliza it’s incredibly different. She’s always with friends/family and he’s often with them as well. She sings/does music as well and he’s supportive of it and everything she does including her foundation. And, he’s in therapy. They both are so she can figure out how to be a better partner for him due to his extreme depression/suicidal thoughts. I’d also like to remind you that Bob bought Arryn a new keyboard for her birthday one year and was supportive of her being in a friend’s music video in 2018.

Arryn was told at some point in a stream I guess about Bob going to therapy and she said something along the lines of “good for him although I doubt he’s changed”. If she didn’t think it was possible he could change, why did she say she tried to get him into therapy and he refused for years? Why would he refuse therapy but, go into therapy within months of being with Eliza? Since breaking up with Arryn, Bob has been incredibly vocal on social media about his mental health struggles where when he was with her he was fairly silent. He occasionally posted support for mental health awareness but, nothing compared to what he does now. Almost like his mental health got incredibly bad while dating Arryn and he was hiding it from the public/not allowed to talk about it.

I want to say that the abuse and harassment Arryn apparently endured from The 100 fans while dating Bob and even after is completely uncalled for and I do feel bad that she had to go through that. No one deserves that. However, it’s important to also remember that there is absolutely NOTHING Bob could’ve done to stop that. Nothing he could say that would force people to stop saying shit. People are going to do what they are going to do regardless. True fans, should’ve been happy for him and supported his relationship. No celebrity can control their fans and the few times some of them have spoken out about their fans doing shit like this - nothing happened or it made the fans worse. Bottom line is fans have a problem of feeling entitled and that celebrities/their fav should listen to them. People didn’t like Arryn and nothing Bob said was going to change that. It’s incredibly naive to hold anyone accountable for someone else’s behavior. Much the same as Arryn isn’t able to control her fans doing the SAME thing to Beliza now. Bob and Eliza have both always been very open about how they don’t approve of bullying, harassment, and that you should “be kind”. That alone should be enough for fans to know not to harass/bully someone. They’ve both received hate mail, death threats, been told it’s good Eliza had a miscarriage and they hope she’s sterile, had mail sent to their house, etc. and they haven’t openly talked about that. They haven’t “told fans to knock it off”. Hell their marriage was literally found out by fans before they wanted to announce it because they found Eliza’s number and called her. That’s crossing a line too and harassing them but, they STILL didn’t say anything publicly. They instead announced their marriage and just said “we ask for privacy during this time”. So it makes no sense that you’d expect them or ANY celebrity for that matter - to have control over their fans, “force” their fans to stop doing shit, and blame them for what their fans do/have done.

I do not believe that Bob is completely innocent. I believe their relationship was incredibly toxic and bad for them both and they probably brought out the worst in each other. I don’t doubt they had yelling matches and probably said mean things to one another. However, I 100% believe it was a MUTUAL thing. Arryn is NOT innocent or the victim/survivor and Bob is NOT the animal she’s making him out to be. It sounds more like she, not only felt betrayed by Bob and Eliza getting together, but that she was tired of their fans harassing her for years and continuing even after they broke up/got together that the only thing she could think to do was release a statement and throw Bob completely under the bus to save herself. If she’s painted as the victim and Bob the villain then surely the harassment will stop. Especially with how people blindly believe any statement released in regards to abuse or rape. After experiencing years of harassment she only decides to deactivate her twitter after people poked holes in her story and she realized not everyone believed her and she was STILL getting harassment. Again, she doesn’t deserve the constant harassment. I believe that is what pushed her to this point. No, it’s not okay that she’s lied and done this by any means but, I think she felt backed into a corner and lashed out. I can understand where she’s coming from, even though it doesn’t excuse it or make it right.

One last note, something I remembered: she specifically stated Bob was the reason she deactivated Youtube and stopped posting/being on social media as much. However, she slowly stopped doing that while with Miles and in her statement about breaking up with him said she’d be taking a hiatus from Youtube but, would be back. However, I think she just decided against that because she wanted to unplug and live life.

Now one of the major things everyone says is proof of her statement is that Bob has been silent. I’d like to remind you that usually guilty parties deny deny and are vocal. Bob’s silence is more proof to me that he’s innocent. He knows no matter what he says - won’t matter. If he denies it, people will say he’s lying. The victim/survivor wants to move on, they want to forget the abuser, don’t acknowledge them and just want to be happy. All of the things BOB is doing, not Arryn. I’ve seen people say “if he’s innocent he’d sue her for slander” however, how is that any different than the countless rape/physical abuse victims that don’t come forward or call the cops/take them to court? They don’t want to relive all that. They want to move on. The damage has already been done with her statement, same way as even though Amber Heard was proven a liar in court - the damage was/is done. Johnny still isn’t going to be able to work with Disney again, certain people STILL defend Amber despite the court findings/evidence. What would be the purpose of him denying it? The man is in therapy because he incredibly depressed/suicidal and looks so much happier/healthier in his marriage with Eliza. He just wants to leave it all behind. Denying it/suing her will just continue the lengthy process of moving on from everything and re-stir the pot. I’d also like to throw in there the fact that proving emotional/mental abuse is incredibly hard so it’s not like taking her to court over slander would really do anything. Johnny was able to fight his case because it was physical abuse and there was countless amounts of evidence/witnesses/documents/photos etc. Most people don’t have any solid evidence against mental/emotional abuse because it happens in person/in the moment. Unless you’re recording everything, you won’t have proof. It’s just he said/she said. That’s why the majority of Arryn’s statement was about cheating and not the abuse.

#tw abuse #trigger warning #beliza #arryn zech #bob morley #eliza taylor

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dreaminginthedeepsouth · 3 years

Link

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

July 25, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

Both Democratic Senator Mark Warner of Virginia and Republican Senator Rob Portman of Ohio told television hosts today that they expect an infrastructure deal on the $579 billion bill this week. Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) has said that he will delay the Senate’s upcoming recess until this bipartisan bill and another, larger bill that focuses on human infrastructure are passed. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) says she will not hold a vote on the smaller infrastructure bill until the larger bill, which is a priority for Democrats, passes the Senate.

There are a lot of moving pieces in this infrastructure bill that have more to do with politics than with infrastructure.

First, what is holding up the bill in the Senate is a disagreement about the proper ratio of funding for roads and public transportation. When Congress passed the Federal-Aid Highway Act in 1956, starting the creation of 41,000 miles of interstate highways, lawmakers thought that gasoline taxes would pay for the construction and upkeep of the highways. Congress raised the gas tax four times, in 1959, 1983, 1990, and 1993. But, beginning in 2008, as fuel efficiency went up, the gas tax no longer covered expenses. Congress made up shortfalls with money from general funds.

In 1983, in order to gain support for an increase of $.05 in the gas tax from lawmakers from the Northeast who wanted money for mass transit, Congress agreed to establish a separate fund for public transportation that would get one out of every five cents collected from the gas tax. This 80% to 20% ratio has lasted ever since.

Now, Republican negotiators are demanding less money for public transportation and more for roads, sparking outrage from Democrats who note that a bipartisan agreement has stood for almost 40 years and that changing the ratio between public transportation and roads will move us backward. According to the Environmental Protection Agency, in 2019, fossil fuels used in transportation produced 29% of U.S. greenhouse gases.

Portman, the lead Republican negotiator, says that Republicans have made a “generous offer” and that it will provide a “significant increase” in transit money. "Democrats, frankly, are not being reasonable in their requests right now,” he said.

Republicans want to deliver money to rural areas where people depend on driving, even though there are far more people who live in areas that benefit from public transportation. Rural areas, of course, are far more likely than urban areas to be full of Republican voters.

Democrats in the House are eager to address climate change. On July 21, Chair of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure Peter DeFazio (D-OR) and 30 Democratic members of the committee wrote to Pelosi and Schumer to urge them to include instead the terms of the INVEST in America Act the House passed on a bipartisan basis earlier this month. That bill offered a forward-looking transportation package that expanded public transportation even as it called for road and bridge repair. “We can’t afford to lock in failed highway-centric policies for another five years,” they wrote.

But there is a larger story behind this transportation bill than the attempt of Republicans to change a longstanding formula to keep themselves in power. Republicans who are not openly tying themselves to the former president want to pass this measure because they know it is popular and they do not want Democrats to pass another popular law alone, as they did with the American Rescue Plan when Republicans refused to participate.

Democratic leadership wants to work with those Republicans to pass a bipartisan bill because it will help to drive a wedge though the Republican Party, offering an exit ramp for those who would like to leave behind the increasing extremism of the Trump Republicans.

Trump Republicans are, indeed, becoming more extreme as the House’s select committee on January 6 takes shape. After the Senate rejected a bipartisan commission to investigate the insurrection, House Speaker Pelosi and the House voted to establish a select committee. Its structure was based on one of the many committees established by the Republican-controlled House to investigate the attack on U.S. government facilities in Benghazi, Libya, in 2012. It permitted the minority to name 5 members, to be approved by the Speaker.

Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) tried to undercut the committee by appointing three members who had challenged the counting of the certified votes on January 6, including Jim Jordan (R-OH), who was at a December meeting with Trump and other lawmakers when they discussed protesting the vote count on January 6, and Jim Banks (R-IN), who attacked the committee, saying: “Make no mistake, Nancy Pelosi created this committee solely to malign conservatives and to justify the Left’s authoritarian agenda.” When Pelosi rejected Jordan and Banks, McCarthy pulled all five of his appointees.

But Pelosi had already established the committee’s bipartisanship when she appointed Representative Liz Cheney (R-WY), a staunch Republican who voted with Trump more than 90% of the time but who openly blamed him for the January 6 insurrection. Today, Pelosi added Adam Kinzinger (R-IL) to the committee as well.

Kinzinger is an Iraq War veteran who was one of the 10 House Republicans who voted to impeach Trump in January. "Let me be clear, I'm a Republican dedicated to conservative values, but I swore an oath to uphold and defend the Constitution—and while this is not the position I expected to be in or sought out, when duty calls, I will always answer," Kinzinger said in a statement.

McCarthy promptly tweeted that the committee had no credibility because Pelosi had “structured the select committee to satisfy her political objectives.”

McCarthy is scrambling, not least because he will almost certainly become a witness for the committee.

But there is more. With Trump out of office, pressure is ramping up on those who advanced his agenda. News broke on Thursday that the FBI had received more than 4500 tips about Brett Kavanaugh during his nomination proceeding for confirmation to the Supreme Court, and had forwarded the most “relevant” of those to the White House lawyers, who buried them, enabling the extremist Kavanaugh to squeak into a lifetime appointment to the court.

In Georgia, law enforcement officers indicted 87 people in what they are calling the largest gang bust ever in the state. Seventy-seven are part of the “Ghostface Gangsters” gang of white supremacists whose network stretched from Georgia to South Carolina to Tennessee. “The gang’s culture, structure, leadership, chain of command, and all involved in the furtherance of this ongoing criminal enterprise have been charged,” law enforcement officers said.

Meanwhile, vaccinated Americans are becoming increasingly angry at the unvaccinated Trump supporters who are keeping the nation from achieving herd immunity from the coronavirus. Some Republicans are starting to call for their supporters to get vaccinated.

As pressure mounts, McCarthy is not the only one who has signed onto the post–January 6 Trump party who is ramping up his rhetoric. This weekend, when presented with a gun, Trump’s disgraced former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn told the crowd, “Maybe I’ll find somebody in Washington, D.C.”

Representative Paul Gosar (R-AZ), who has been linked to the planning for the January 6 insurrection, suggested at an Arizona rally for the former president last night that the rioters were peaceful and that the real criminals were “insiders from the FBI and DOJ.” It seems likely he is hoping to discredit those organizations before more information comes out.

At the same rally, the former president spoke for almost two hours, reiterating his lie that he won the 2020 election and suggesting he would be reinstated into the White House before the next election. (He was weirdly fixated on routers.) He blamed Arizona Governor Doug Ducey, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, former Vice President Mike Pence, and Kavanaugh for his loss of the White House, and praised his former lawyer Rudy Giuliani.

“The radical left Democrat communist party rigged and stole the election,” he said.

A final note tonight: We lost a great American, Bob Moses, today. I don’t want to tack him on to tonight’s letter; he deserves his own. So hold this space. Until then, Rest in Power, Dr. Moses.

—-

Notes:

https://fas.org/sgp/crs/misc/R45350.pdf

https://www.epa.gov/ghgemissions/sources-greenhouse-gas-emissions

https://transportation.house.gov/news/press-releases/chair-defazio-leads-30-transportation-and-infrastructure-committee-members-in-urging-congressional-leadership-to-include-transformational-policies-from-the-invest-in-america-act-in-infrastructure-legislation

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/transit-money-emerges-last-major-obstacle-bipartisan-senate-infrastructure-deal-n1274788

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/congress/senators-hopeful-bipartisan-infrastructure-spending-bill-could-land-monday-n1274960

https://www.npr.org/2021/07/25/1020464213/nancy-pelosi-adam-kinzinger-january-6-committee

Ron Filipkowski @RonFilipkowskiMichael Flynn is presented with a rifle as a gift in Yuba, CA, and says that now “maybe I’ll find somebody in Washington, DC.” 609 Retweets1,212 Likes

July 25th 2021

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2021/01/13/ali-alexander-capitol-biggs-gosar/

Aaron Rupar @atruparRep. Paul Gosar turns reality on its head by portraying January 6 as a mostly peaceful affair, then pushes an absurd conspiracy theory that the real criminals on that day were "insiders from the FBI and DOJ" 1,182 Retweets4,650 Likes

July 24th 2021

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/22/us/politics/kavanaugh-fbi-investigation.html

https://www.wrdw.com/2021/07/22/georgia-gov-kemp-will-visit-augusta-discuss-large-scale-gang-bust/

https://www.politico.com/news/2021/07/24/trump-election-claims-rally-500719

https://www.wrdw.com/2021/07/23/87-locals-charged-biggest-gang-bust-state-history/

Aaron Rupar @atruparTrump has been speaking for more than 90 minutes now. He's currently goading his audience into booing the US women's soccer team. 735 Retweets3,061 Likes

July 25th 2021

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

#political #Heather Cox Richardson #Letters From An American #history #infrastructure #corrupt Gop #criminal GOP #January 6 2021 #capital insurrection

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mearihellalicious · 3 years

Text

It’s 4 o’ clock in the morning in the most humid city I have ever lived in. I was suddenly awakened by a random noise outside my apartment. As a light sleeper, dozing off again is a hard thing to do. So,what would a solitary woman do at this time of the day? Reminisce. Think of the good old days.

Out of the blue, I stumbled upon my chat box. Heaps of ‘ancient’ talks strolled me down through memory lane. One particular conversation with a guy urged me to write this expressive piece.Perhaps this confession is no longer valuable now since it has been several ages ago, but the thought of penning down a revelation thrills me at this exact moment.

They say the best memories in a person’s life happen in high school — when we are too old for playgrounds but too young for night clubs. I can’t say it’s true for me, but I do have happy high school thoughts. We've been classmates for four straight years in high school. Back then, we were paired up through the matchmaking prowess of our classmates. They assumed we looked good together, that we had ‘physical chemistry’, if that’s even a valid phrase to describe it.

True enough, you were quite a good-looking guy but I was not attracted to you in the slightest bit. Nevertheless, you were the kind of guy who knew how to carry yourself in the most desirable way possible. You were always neat and sweet-scented. You could pull off a white shirt and jeans outfit and would simply look gorgeous.

All throughout my mundane high school life, you consistently made me feel ‘special’ but I hardly cared at some point. The way I treated you was on a mood to mood basis. At times, I rode along with your trips, no matter how strange; other times, I felt irritated with your insistent presence. Sometimes, we seemed to be getting along pretty well; most times, I argued with you and ignored you for no acceptable reason at all.

During summertime, we communicated through text messages or landline calls. I could recall how bipolar I was by asking you to move on from me and promised to remain friends once classes start in June. But the next day, we would cry over the phone, asking each other to hold on to whatever we have — although I didn’t know what was the most appropriate term to label that kind of relationship. We seemed to be more than friends but less than lovers.

As each year passed, we became closer to each other. I was aware of how you felt about me. Everyone else in the class knew it too since you were vocal about it. Yet I didn’t take your emotional state seriously. I would talk to you only when I felt chatty or when I needed something. Every time it rained, you would take your polo shirt off to cover me so I didn’t get wet. Whenever I was hungry, you fed me. Goodness, you were a selfless man!

But then again, I took you for granted because I was eyeing on someone else. I had a lot of silly crushes, not to mention, I went crazy over them. You made me know how jealous you were of the guys I fancied but it was no big deal for me. You quickly became just an option. Despite myself, you stayed still.

Then one day, I was walking alone around the campus, a group of freshmen were calling my name. One of them introduced herself to me. She told me she was your sister. I didn’t realize until then that she was attending the same school.“You’re Ellen, right? My brother really likes you and even keeps your photo under his pillow,” she exposed. From that day on, we somehow became friends. She teased me an awful lot as she revealed all the weird things you did and just how much you adored me.

Every Valentine’s Day, you never ran out of romantic ideas. Although I was single, I never felt out of place. When I arrived in school, a small bouquet of flowers was already waiting for me onmy desk with a note or chocolates with it. You even baked cake for me when I requested it from you. However, on our last ‘Hearts Day’ in high school, things were different. Something happened two days before V-Day.

As an active girl scout, I normally spent my vacant time in that room exclusive for us. When we entered the room, my friend saw an envelope on the floor addressed to me and was signed as ‘secret admirer’. I didn’t believe it until I saw the letter and read it. It was about the sender’s love for me and the hope that I felt the same way. I was clueless who it was from but our classmates pointed their fingers at you. You stubbornly denied the claim saying, “It’s not me. Don’t flatter yourself!”

The next day, I found another letter from ‘secret admirer’. It was an acrostic poem of my name. The words were so deep and heartwarming that I could feel myself melt. Finally, on the 14th of February, another letter came. It was very simple — a whole sheet of bond paper filled with ‘I love you’. I thought there was nothing to it until I noticed there were some capital letters in them, which my best friend and I figured the message, “Please meet me today at the YES-O (Office) at 6 PM. I will be waiting for you. Please don't bring anyone. I want you to be solo. Don’t worry, I only want to introduce myself.”

I was sold to the belief that someone was playing a prank on me so I didn’t plan on meeting the sender.It was raining hard that day and we were having our daily girl scout formation at the oval field. Suddenly, you arrived and called out my name. I excused myself from the drill to meet you when you said, “Someone’s waiting for you at the office, why didn't you go?” “For real? I don’t care whoever he is,” I replied. Then with downcast eyes, you answered, “Honestly, it was me.” At that point, you handed flowers to me and I teasingly punched you in the arm. It felt so awkward that I rudely sent you home. That was our final romantic encounter.Before we graduated, we made a pact that if wewere both single by year 2019 (I’m not even sure of that anymore), we’d meet each other again at the Taoist Temple and we’d start things right.

Several months later, I got into a relationship. We didn’t see each other for quite some time and the communication spiraled from little to none at all.Surprisingly, on my first birthday after high school (since my birthday falls during summer), I was at home when a kid approached me and handed a letter with a rose and said, “Someone asked me to give it to you.”

As I learned it was from you, I ran hurriedly outside the house, hoping to see you again, but you were already gone. I was so moved knowing you still cared for me even when I was already dating someone. You went through all the trouble just to greet me. A few days later, I argued with you for what you did, for simply disappearing. As an apology, you paid me a visit and we chitchat over the pizza that you brought.

During college, we had separate lives. The last conversation we had in 2012 was about our plan of going abroad together, particularly Germany. You wanted me to meet your grandmother and you even said you would still marry me. Perhaps it was meant to be a joke, but I probably believed it at that time.

All of a sudden, you met your first girlfriend. I came out from two terrible relationships while you were in a blissful state with her. I saw all her posts of your little surprises for her, your sweet gestures. I knew the feeling too well and I understood how lucky she was. I felt nothing but pure happiness — that you finally found someone who could love you the way you were supposed to be loved.

Unexpectedly, I noticed that I could no longer see any of your updates in Facebook. I searched for your name and I realized I was already blocked. You unfollowed me on Instagram and you removed me as your Twitter follower. Complete loss of contact.

The last thing I heard was your relationship with her was going strong and you were intensely in love with each other. I used to envy her but I realized that no, I don’t wish to be her. I don’t deserve a man as great as you are. I might not be able to handle you. I only wish you all the happiness in this world.You may not be my TOTGA but you were my sweetest ‘what if’. I hope when you get married, you would at least invite me so I get the chance to witness the happiest day of your life. Yes, there was never an ‘us’ but there was you — someone who once in my life treated me right — because once upon a time, you were my fairytale.

PS. to whoever know him, please don't mention his name:)

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potatocrab · 4 years

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Writer’s Review

@allisondraste tagged me for this GREAT game. I am tagging @gingerbreton @glowstickia @its-sixxers and @rhetoricalrogue ✨

Rules: Post two snippets of your writing. The first should be one of the oldest examples of your work that you can find (the older the better!), and the other has to be an excerpt from something more recent. Compare the two side by side to see the difference between what your writing looks like now and how it did then.

I’ve been writing forever, but I don’t have access to any of my works pre-Ao3 (ff.net), so I went with my first published work to Ao3, which is a Mass Effect one shot (A Calm Before the Storm) for Joker x EDI that I wrote in 2012! I mean, what? I still like it, despite some overarching formatting (and tense) flaws.

And then switching to something from Noir AU. :)

Under a cut for length:

A Calm Before the Storm:

Joker smiled again; danger and fear of death really did get people’s hormones going. On the old ship, even Mordin assumed the relationship between Joker and EDI was much more than what it was. He laughed at the thought, but then froze, lips tightening as he realized EDI wasn’t the same AI she was the previous year. Now, the rumors might have some basis. He caught himself from daydreaming as the main battery doors slid open, an unusually relaxed Garrus immerging, stripped of his armor.

“Joker,” he sounded only mildly surprised. Seeing him outside of the bridge was like seeing Tali outside of engineering. “Something wrong?” he mused, tilting his head. Joker swallowed a chunk of his small meal before rising one eyebrow.

“Does something need to be wrong for me to be here?” he laughed as Garrus seemingly rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “I was hungry and EDI kinda forced me to take a break,” he explained before eying his civilian clothes. “What are you doing out of the main battery?”

“There’s more to me than calibrating the guns,” he reassured. Joker nodded, eyeing the other end of the floor where the elevator was.

“Yeah, when you aren’t calibrating the weapon’s system you’re calibrating Shepard’s-”

“Keep talking and you’ll end up as ammunition for the Thanix Cannon,” Garrus’s voice rumbled as he spoke, but the small incline of a chuckle at the end of his sentence relieved Joker. He didn’t feel like breaking anything. A small silence came between the two men and Garrus sighed. “Do you think she’ll want some company?” he lowered his voice this time, and Joker refrained from teasing his concern.

“Uh yeah, sure,” he offered a grin, still trying to wrap his head around the commander’s relationship with the turian. Then again, he wasn’t one to judge when he found himself staring at EDI’s body more and more. He was convinced cross-species relationships made more sense than his interest with the ship’s artificial intelligence. “She could use a distraction,”

Garrus’s mandibles twitched, and while Joker was no expert on turian expressions, he wondered if the man just smiled. In return, he nodded, turning towards the elevator. Just like that, he went on his way, and Joker suddenly was met by the awful image of his commanding officer and Garrus doing things no vid could ever describe. A small chill met his spine and he winced, struggling to find his own diversion.

Salvation is a Last Minute Business: Chapter 5: Bad Luck Can Be a Big Break

“Have you had partners before me, Deacon?” she questioned next, resisting the urge to smile. Now she was just being nosy, even if it was a valid question that had run through her mind. “And why use the codename Deacon anyways? Have a fascination with religious symbolism, or something?”

“What is this, twenty questions?” he joked, feigning annoyance. “I feel like I’m being interrogated!”

Madelyn softly snickered at that. “I could cuff you and take you back to the agency, give you the real experience.”

His eyebrows shot up, lips twisted in amusement. “Kinky.”

Halfway through the maintenance tunnel they came upon a locked gate. Again, Deacon patted at his pockets before reaching directly towards her temple. Understandably, she flinched away, blinking at him in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“Have a bobby pin I can borrow?” he explained, gloved fingers still reaching for her hairline and up-do. Madelyn dodged his invasive approach, pressing her body closer to the iron bars. Maybe she deserved that for testing his personal bubble.

“Good lord,” she sighed, exasperated, pulling free a small iron pin from her golden curls herself. “I can pick a lock too, if you’d only ask.”

Deacon was visibly pleased by her declaration, shining the light on the lock so that she might see her work. “And where might a lovely lawyer such as yourself have learned such a reprehensible skill?”

“My um—” she faltered, deciding now was not the time to tell Deacon about her deceased husband, or the little things he had taught her in their life together. She wondered if there ever would be a time—or if he already knew, and she even needed to broach the subject. The pin snagged and she steadied her hand. “Nick taught me.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her as if he could tell she was being dishonest. She knew if she was going to continue working with him, she would need to get better at the art of lying. She didn’t go to law school for years upon years without developing a silver-tongue—now it was time to put it to good use. Deacon drummed his fingers along the torch.

“I’m used to running Railroad ops solo. But being partnered up with you?” Madelyn glanced out of the corner of her eye to catch a glimpse of his smirk—apparently it was the only expression he knew. “Isn’t too bad. Now that we’re a team, we should have a code name. Like Double Indemnity, or White Heat…the Big Sleep?”

She paused to remove her gloves, stuffing them in her coat pocket. Fingers bare, she had an easier time with the metal pin, even with Deacon’s rambling. “I’m partial to Bogart and Bacall—though I wonder if that movie was only half as good because of their off-screen romance.”

“If this plays out anything like a cliché noir film,” Deacon mused. “I can’t promise you won’t fall devastatingly head-over-heels in love with me by the end.”

Madelyn smiled, but she immediately dismissed the words as harmless banter. So he was a flirt—she could manage that. “I can’t guarantee you won’t be the one doing the falling, Mr. Deacon.”

“Oh, Charmer.”

#tagged meme #8 years is a long time ago #proof I once wrote a Mass Effect fic

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sithroyal · 5 years

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MODERN VERSE

VERSE TAG: ;;modern: i look to the stars and it feels like something is missing LOCATION: Varies [thread dependent] AGE: Default is 30 [otherwise, thread dependent]

Basic Information

X. Ben was born to Senator Leia Organa and high profile actor and model Han Solo. Due to their high activity schedules, Ben was left with various babysitters for much of his childhood. X. When he was ten, he was kidnapped by one of those babysitters and held for ransom. Ben has blocked out much of what happened while he was held by Snoke. Shortly after rescue, Ben was sent to live with his Uncle Luke in New York. (Note: While these memories are repressed, they are responsible for a later depersonalization disorder on top of various anger issues and chronic depression.) X. Growing up after Snoke’s kidnapping was difficult for Ben. He often felt different than his classmates and it was hard for him to make friends. His uncle caught on to this and tries enrolling him into various after school programs. He was often asked not to return due to his anger issues. X. As he got older, Ben expressed a deep desire to move out of his uncle’s house despite having nowhere to go. Seeing his father on television and in movies knowing that he wasn’t around was enough to make him irritable the rest of the day. Sharing his name and being stopped on the street by fans looking for photos only made things worse. X. In order to find something to get his attention, Ben took to technology and developed a fascination with graphics and coding. In freshman year, he started taking band classes. He can play trumpet, piano, and guitar. X. He tried getting in contact with his mother for a good part of his senior year of high school. When neither of his parents showed up for his graduation, he enlisted in the marines.

X. He tried getting in contact with his mother for a good part of his senior year of high school. When neither of his parents showed up for his graduation, he enlisted in the marines.

X. The day he left for basic training, Ben and Luke had an argument. Luke blamed him for taking off just as Han did and felt that the military wasn’t where Ben should have been going, that he was running away. Ben did nothing to him but he did become quiet enough to absorb what was said. The argument escalated and Ben threw terrible things at his uncle. It was nothing new. In the process, he shut down and focused on his basic training - started 2008.

X. Thirteen weeks basic training and no contact with his uncle made Ben flourish. He was one of the top recruits at the time, specializing in ballistic weaponry with melee and hand-to-hand combat as close seconds. While the training was exhausting, he began finding his confidence and backbone. At the same time, he was starkly reminded that he had little to no place in the slowly crafted groups of various other marines. This distance was justified for him in the way that distance would make loss easier later on. He started college soon after.

X. 2008, E1. Started college in New York as a reserve - two-day monthly and two weeks of annual training.

X. 2010, E3. During a training exercise, he engaged in unusual tactics to protect him and his men during a mock shoot out where they were pinned on location. First emergence of Kylo Ren in a non combat situation. Due to his quick decisions, Ben was commended by the officers overlooking his training.

X. 2011, E3 (Age 20). Grandmother died. Ben attended the funeral but didn’t speak to his family. All of his belongings were moved from the home and straight to a storage facility in Queens. Ben pays monthly for storage.

X. 2012, E-3 to O-1 (Age 22). Graduated fluent in Arabic and Urdu. Attended a ten week officer training class in Quantico, Virginia. Deployed on active duty near December. Ben was involved in protecting and evacuating civilians during a battle in an Iraqi city. Afterward, he was part of a search and rescue team to recover the injured and the dead.

X. 2014, O-1 (Age 24). From 2014 onward, Ben was deployed to Iran for multiple operations. At one point, he started to rethink his goals. Beginning of Kylo Ren starting to emerge, started brutal interrogation tactics of captured prisoners.

X. 2015, O-1 TO O-2 (Age 25). Promoted from rank O-1 to O-2.

X. Bought his own home and vehicle in New York state. Found out through his uncle that his father knew of him and was keeping an eye on him. Ben didn’t tell his mother but she informed him months later that she already knew. Most of the Solo family knows who he is and what he does. While he doesn’t have a target on his back, they do keep tabs on him.

X. 2015. Ben was employed by his mother mainly because he was needed for translation assistance as well as his unique but effective interrogation techniques. He was given full reports and was only allowed to translate small pieces at a time for confidentiality sake, but what information was given to him via questioning was unfiltered.

X. 2015-2017. (Verse dependent)

(Option 1) - multiple failed attempts at dating men and women alike. Very few could handle his constantly shifting lifestyle. Two girlfriends cheated on him, three boyfriends ghosted him.

(Option 2) - multiple PTSD induced nightly issues. Sleeps away from his partner to keep them from having to deal with his inability to sleep at normal hours and/or long periods of time. Snappy, irritable, and quite easy to set off. Would never hit his partner conscious but he does have issues where waking may cause him to choke them. Attempts many different therapists and rarely sticks to a single one until the end of 2016 - failed by mid 2017, Kylo Ren scared the therapist by revealing her address, phone number, and threatened to skin her family alive.

X. 2017 O-2 (Age 28). Early in the year, January through May. Ben began making efforts to finish his education on Spanish and Russian, and finished Spanish. Listed the course completion on his files. He went from performing operations to preventing loss of life on the ground by translating messages sent from opposing forces. Begins to feel he has his issue with Kylo under control (except he doesn’t).

X. 2017 O-2 to O-3 (Age 28). Late in the year, May until early 2018. Promoted to O-3 mid-May. Deployed to Afghanistan again. Captured by enemy forces in early June. Ben remained with them for almost a year before he was freed by a US Air Force pilot (Verse Dependent - Could be any SW Resistance or First Order Pilot.)

X. 2018 (Age 29). Ben spent the majority of the year in recovery. The first few weeks was touch and go but he was allowed out of the hospital within two months time. Because of the various injuries, he not only had to have physical therapy to recover (which he took on easily) but narcotic painkillers to manage his chronic pain. He didn’t allow many people to see him while he was recovering and took to staying at home alone unless friends showed up without mention. Partners were automatically allowed near him but instructed, by him, not to try to coddle him.

X. His injuries include; the long scar down his face, a bullet wound to his left shoulder, and a near fatal wound to his abdomen.

X. Late 2018. Leia has him reassigned to a position in intelligence.

X. 2019 O-3 to O-4 (Age 29-30). Officially diagnosed with PTSD, depression, and general anxiety disorders. He refused additional therapy and any medications prescribed to him. Managed to pay his home and vehicle off, does freelance translations in his spare time. He remains at home for the most part and works on his abilities in the backyard, surrounded by a privacy fence. Chewbacca (gift from vuuelo and service dog in training), his dog, remains with him for the most part along with any romantic partners.

X. As a safety measure, Chewbacca will alert anyone in the home to Ben’s depersonalization disorder acting up. He will bark and growl, then attempt to put himself between the other person and Ben in order to keep Ben from harming them.

X. He has a home in New York City and another in D.C. and frequently travels between the two. Because of his position, he often sees his mother and works with her but rarely speaks to her on a personal level. He hasn’t seen Han much at all since he was young and he actively avoids Luke if he can help it.

Important Note: Due to Ben’s high amount of emotional and mental instability after spending a year as a POW, any romantic relationships may be highly toxic. He does not take medication for his mental conditions and can endanger himself and anyone in his home with him. While Chewbacca will growl at him if ‘Kylo Ren’ is at the forefront, this does not mean that other people in the house will be safe.

Simplified Military Timeline

Joined up in '08, completed training & was actively a RESERVE by mid-'08

O-1 promotion in 2012; Active Duty, commissioned December O-2 promotion in 2015 O-3 promotion in 2017 O-4 promotion in 2019 Currently Reassigned As: O-4 (Major); MOS 0211 CI/HUMINT or Counter Intelligence and Human Intelligence Specialist

Yearly Salary: $89,524 Monthly: (Before Taxes) $7,460; (After Taxes) $5,068 Vehicle: Jeep Wrangler TJ Sport 03

$2100 monthly bills: electric, internet, cable, water, waste management 50 (every three months), car insurance, car payment, house payment (including insurance) $2968 left || $2568 after food ($100 per week)

Option 1: Possibility of meeting him somewhere in town, likely a coffee shop, grocery store, or walking to and from his office in either area. Option 2: Working with him or around him. Ben will visibly flinch if called ‘Kylo Ren’ by anyone other than his old unit mates.

Fandoms/AUs that use this verse as a base:

The Walking Dead: ;;twd: until the light finally dies // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change aside from dates. Given the length of the series itself and the numerous ways Ben could come into the main group, this will require plotting on a person-by-person basis. Resident Evil: ;;RE: this is how you rot // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. After hearing that the Umbrella Corporation is reportedly at the root of all issues, Senator Leia Organa petitions for her son to go undercover for them. Plotting available on a person-by-person basis. Day After Tomorrow: ;;DAT: it ended in ice // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. The Silence: ;;the silence: sometimes silence is the best answer // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. Birdbox: ;;birdbox: seeing shouldn't be believing // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. Jurassic Park/World: ;;jurassic: of teeth and scales // Fully Customizable - above backstory does not change. Movie information only. Ben is hired by the owners of the park to stand in as security detail for the island and the owners themselves.

#;;verses: all #;;modern: i look to the stars and it feels like something is missing #;;twd: until the light finally dies #;;the silence: sometimes silence is the best answer #;;birdbox: seeing shouldn't be believing #;;jurassic: of teeth and scales #;;RE: this is how you rot #;;DAT: it ended in ice

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the-irish-mayhem · 5 years

Text

Happy Fosterson Week Day 2: Outside POV! This fic stemmed from my love of fake academia, but also my absolute desire to never write an academic paper ever again. So I found a bit of a middle ground. Fair warning: Both Jane and Thor have passed away in this. But never fear, their life together was long and happy.

A generation later, a budding social scientist tries to figure out Jane and Thor.

Read on AO3.

Legacy.

Post Thread Created: 1/23/01 Originally Posted: 1/23/01 Post Edited: 10/30/04

Edit 10/30/04: WOW, I did not anticipate that this post series would blow up the way it did! Thank you to all who shared this and supported me in this journey, and if you’re wondering, yes, my book is now out! You can get your copy of The Dynasty That Never Was: A Biography at your local retailer, the Bionic Press cloudstore, or at your local library.

Just a little bit of context: this was very early in my thesis writing process, back when Jane and Thor were only planned to encompass a single chapter of my book (ha!) and I was planning on writing a straight cultural analysis rather than the cultural analysis-slash-biography it became.

Okay, now on with the original post!

Good morning, fellow New Asgard Anthropologists. For any newcomers, my name is (future Dr.) Melanie LaComb, and the purpose of this blog has been to share my research on a little more of a ground level, record my process of writing my thesis, and talk/write through some problems and put them up for community collaboration. It’s also nice to be able to shed the academic discourse for just a few minutes and write informally. So much freedom! So many exclamations and I statements! Anyway, I’m writing this new post to talk my way through a bit of a new thorn in my research. The late Thor Odinson and Jane Foster.

A lot of academics have kind of scoffed at this problem of mine—they were two extremely famous individuals! Integral to so many galactically significant events! Of course there is absolute mega loads of information on them! There must be dozens of biographies and at least two definitive autobiographies for beings of such impressive historical stature!

This may shock you, but NO there actually isn’t. Or, I suppose in some ways there is but not in the ways that would be most useful for me. For Odinson, who grew up on Old Asgard, the destruction of the planet meant the destruction of many records kept from his years before the Greatest War Against Thanos. His years afterwards are better trackable, but hardly centralized and hardly the more personalized records I am (now trying to get at. Foster, known on Midgard as Dr. Jane Foster and colloquially throughout the galaxy as “Jane the Thinker” or “Jane the Brilliant,” is surprisingly easier to get a handle on. Her fame wasn’t contingent upon her marital status, and she was well-known in scientific circles even before the first battle of the War in the year 2012.

So the root of my problem is this: fitting this pair into my New Asgard diaspora research. Because they are….. how do I say this…. not fitting? With my methodology? (I went to the school of redundancy school, but F*ck I’ve been writing and writing and writing for like 8 hours today already and I’m not changing it so THERE.)

So most of my research deals with the formation of a New Asgardian identity, and it relies heavily upon the shared cultural experiences of the Dark Elf Invasion of Old Asgard and the death of Queen Frigga (an aside, but one of my classmates, Korla Majer, wrote a really stellar article on why the Dark Elf invasion should be included as one of the major battles of the Greatest War, and how the dismissal of the event by most historians actively hurts our understanding of galactic politics at the time and I absolutely 10/10 would recommend you go read it after you finish this blog post) as well as the battle for and destruction of New Asgard. For beings so long lived as us, Asgardians have proven that we can make our memories as short as we need to, and those two events seemed to create the largest basis for the new cultural identity forged on Earth. (For some obvious reasons, namely being the events that led to the planet being destroyed and necessitating the move to Midgard, but ANYWAY.)

But I can’t really deny Jane and Thor’s place in the New Asgardian identity because their effect on the masses is well-documented. There are libraries full of memes, old paper magazines with paparazzi photos paired with barely-real stories that say a lot more about the readership than they do the subjects, even some old FanFiction that I was able to dig up that is in some ways more helpful than all the academia from that time period combined XD

In my roundabout way, the problem I’m trying to sort through is this: HOW do I tackle the Jane/Thor chapter?

Because in my original outlining of my thesis, I had planned on their chapter being a quick summation of how they met just before the Greatest War’s beginning, courted through the course of it, and married at its conclusion. Then, I’d give some context on their influence on galactic politics (because despite what some people erroneously think, they actually were not the monarchs of New Asgard. They remained advisors only after Thor abdicated the throne and named Brunnhilde [of house Dragonfang, an extremely old and well-respected Old Asgardian family] his successor. There was the five year gap of the Blip where Thor was officially King, but it was hardly a politically significant time as for much of this period Thor was gone from New Asgard), how some political maneuvers affected the general New Asgardian populace, and then move back to the cultural study portion of things. But the more sources I gather about them, the more I think this chapter might need to be extended, or made into some… sub point of my main thesis.

Because while I said earlier that information on them is hard to find (because it is!!! You try making document requests to 17 different universities on 15 different planets!!!! Alfheim literally delivered what I asked for in a light spectrum file format!!!!!!!! Like WHAT!!!!!! AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS????? HOW DO I CONVERT THIS INTO A PDF OR EVEN JUST MAKE IT COMPATIBLE WITH HOLOREADERS) it’s not always the quantity that’s the issue, it’s the content. I found myself longing to know more about who these people were and why they did the things they did. I’ve always found that I've done my best research when I follow my gut feelings, and research things that I’m passionate about. New Asgardian diaspora culture? I’m living it, baby! I’m very interested because my generation is the first generation to have never set foot on Asgard, and that’s something worth exploring!

And now here I am weirdly fascinated by an almost-king whose magical powers are pretty legendary who was banished and fell in love with a woman (who was 100% human at the time, by the way) whose scientific theories were so advanced that her own people thought she was a bit of a kook until all of her theories started getting proven right. From a non-academic perspective, that sounds like a freaking romance novel or epic movie or something. (Which, by the way, it was! There were at least 6 separate pieces of media [film, novel, television show] that were based on their story that I can find on record.) So on a personal level, here I am wondering why two people in the past got married in spite of wildly different life circumstances/why one of them abdicated a throne that was his birthright, and on an academic level A) trying to figure out how to fit this weird fascination into my thesis B) how did these two political and cultural figures shape the cultural landscape C) was their effect on the cultural landscape more or less significant than the two events which have been taking the most of my focus for the last year? D) how productive is it to even ask the question of more or less significance?

*screaming*

A few people have asked me if I should just switch my track to talk about how they affected Brunnhilde’s rule over New Asgard (which, in case you missed previous posts, Brunnhilde is a huge part of my current thesis as she essentially presided over what I’m terming “The New Asgardian Cultural Renaissance” and was absolutely critical to how things were shaped.) I’m hesitant to do this because this has actually already been done. I’ll stick JSTOR links in the endnotes, but Dr. Hamel Radley literally wrote this. “A King For the Ages: Brunnhilde’s First Three Decades.” Also, Dr. Leslie Storn’s “A King’s Court: Brunnhilde’s Advisory Council.” AND Dr. Jorseph Naulty’s “King Brunnhilde’s Surprising Advisory Council: Steady Hands, Scientists, Military Minds, and Galactic Politicking.” Look, there’s a LOT on Brunnhilde’s rule, and a LOT written on her advisory council. She was the ruling monarch, so it’s pretty par for the course.

But for how politically and culturally significant they seemed to be, there’s not really much specifically on Jane and Thor. Their cultural influences are given lip-service, and that’s it. (Again, Jane has been scientifically significant in a way no one has achieved since Albert Einstein, so in that way she’s more famous than her husband, but scientific notoriety isn’t the same as recognizing the fullness of her cultural contributions.)

I brought this stuff up to my advisor, and she said to keep pulling this thread because I’m on to something here, I just need to figure out what.

So my next research goal is to reach out to their descendents. They have a few children and grandchildren living, and hopefully at least one of them is willing to speak to me about them as people so I can get that portion of things nailed down before I go insane.

My almost-insanity probably bled into this post a little bit because it’s redundant as heck and you can bet your bum I am not spell-checking or proofreading. I need a break from that garbage. The life of a doctoral student continues.

Here’s to pulling the thread. Hopefully something useful unravels.

-(Future Dr.) Melanie LaComb

Reply posted by: Winsome34, 1/23/01 08:23

Melanie--this is a super interesting track, and your advisor was absolutely right when they said to follow it. I think it would be really interesting to read a sort of half-biography, half-cultural analysis piece. Would be really unique, and I’m sure any doctoral committee would find it an engaging topic.

Not sure if you’ve tried the Avengers Museum and Historical Library yet, but that might be a good place to go for some more primary sources, since Thor was a founding member and Jane was closely tied to them throughout their life. They have a really solid amazing librarians there who know the stacks backwards and forwards. I relied heavily on them when I was researching my last paper about racism against superheroes of color in the early 21st century.

Reply posted by: KorlaMajer, 1/23/01 10:22

Thanks for the shoutout boo ;) Your thesis is gonna be amazing!

ALSO: I have a light spectrum file converter from my dad. He does a ton of business with Alfheim and they are NOTORIOUS for sending incompatible LSFs.

Reply posted by: Chloe Durbin, 2/2/01 20:40

Hey! My mom is actually really tight with Thor and Jane’s oldest daughter Valkyrie. I think they knew each other from school or something back in the day, but she’s really awesome and basically my aunt, so if you need an intro or a number to call, I’ve got you! Just shoot me an email [email protected]. She’s really approachable if you don’t mind walking up to a lady who is literally 6’8” and looks like she literally HAS killed a man with her bare hands. But super nice though!

Universal Reply posted by: Blogmaster, 5/3/01 06:27

Thank you everyone for the tips! It’s going to help so much! The Avengers Library has actually been majorly helpful (I never even thought to look there, honestly!) and Valkyrie has agreed to sit down to an interview (of sorts) so everything is seriously looking up. And THE LSF CONVERTER WORKED LIKE A CHARM.

#fostersonweek #fostersonweek2019 #fosterson week #2019 day 2 #fic

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literallyeverythingandeverything · 5 years

Text

How Tony Stark saved me

(Warning: mentions of depression and self harm. Nothing graphic, just the terms themselves used. Please don’t ready any further if you may be triggered.)

It’s 2011: at this point my brother (let’s call him brother 1) has been in jail for 3 years. I don’t know why. I was too young to know why when he was first arrested and no one bother to tell me why when I got older either. All I know is that brother 2 is following in his footsteps.

My sister who was my best friend for the first 8 years of my life is in her 3rd year at college. In the three years shes been away, she and I have grown distant. I don’t know what to do without her.

Brother 3 is the only one I can’t talk to in my family but he’s 16 at this point and doesn’t want to hang around with a 10 year old.

My parents are fighting again. Talk of divorce hangs in the air.

We’re bankrupt.

But one day I’m at my Grandpa’s house and he’s watching movie after movie on some channel, I can’t remember which. Then I hear it. AC/DC blares through the five year old tv’s shitty speakers. I look up from the book I was reading and that’s the first time I saw him. I didn’t know his name but he captured my attention. The sunglasses on his face and tumbler he was holding in his hand. He was making me laugh. I was entranced by him for the full 2 hours he was on screen. I went back home that day knowing I couldn’t forget him.

Luckily I didn’t have to. Iron man 2 had already done its run at the theater and so I found it online. I alternate between watching both the first and second Iron Man over and over again. (My first hyperfixation I remember.)

Brother 2 just got sentenced to 2 years in prison.

I’m going to start middle school soon and I have undiagnosed depression and an anxiety disorder. I cry about once a day by this point.

—

Its 2012: I learn about the avengers movie my first year of middle school. At this point I never watched anything besides iron man 1 and 2 but when I hear Tony Stark is going to be in the avengers movie I know I need to get caught up. I watch Thor and Captain America: the first avenger but they don’t resonate with me like the Iron Man films did.

This is it. The avengers. Officially the first film in the MCU I got to see in theaters. My eyes never leave the screen for a second. I couldn’t tear them away if I wanted to. I fall in love with the other avengers but I still have a special connection with Tony.

This is also the year I start self harming. I hid it from my therapist (who I also started seeing that year) for about 6 months before my mom noticed cuts on my stomach. I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and also anxiety.

—

It’s 2013: brother 3 moved out this year. I was alone. I didn’t know how to talk with my parents and I only had 2 close friends at school.

I didn’t bother going to see the dark world in theaters but I saw iron man 3 opening weekend.

It was hard watching the man I looked up to suffering on the big screen. Going through the same symptoms I went through on a daily basis. But it was also therapeutic. Never before had I seen anxiety talked about in the main stream. It made me feel like I didn’t have to be ashamed of my diagnosis.

I knew that if a man as strong as Tony Stark could suffer from these symptoms and still be a hero then so could I.

I wish I could say therapy helped but I continue to self harm for two more years.

During those two years I watched every marvel movie that came out.

—

It’s 2015: i started high school this year. I was in a traditional school for about 2 months before I had to leave. My anxiety disorder was too severe and I was having thoughts of self harm after being 4 months clean so I transferred to a charter school. I had to leave behind my friends when I left. We still kept in contact but it wasn’t the same as seeing them everyday.

For the next four years I once again watched every marvel movie that came out. Despite all the new characters introduced (whom I all love) and all the new storylines I still had my one and only favorite; Tony.

—

It’s 2019: I’m a freshman in college (my charter school allowed my to graduate in three years instead of four.) I’m doing better mentally. I have a better relationship with my family. We’re all doing better financially.

After watching half an empire fall in Infinity war, I was ready to see it rebuilt in Endgame.

Not even a year of reading fan theories could have prepared me for Endgame. Watching Infinity War was like watching an empire fall, but watching Endgame was like watching my own world crash and burn. The man I looked up to for the last 8 years was gone. And there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I left the theater feeling numb. I didn’t let myself break until I got home. I cried on and off for 3 days straight. The pain I felt about losing Tony was akin to the pain of losing a family member. A father figure. This is the man who helped me when no one in my family did. He was there when I had no one else to turn to. If I ever felt overwhelmed or upset I could turn on the first or second Iron Man movie and feel a little better for two hours. Now when I think about him I still get teary eyed and I doubt I’ll ever not do so.

Not everyone i talk to fully understands it. They comfort me by saying Iron Man will be back. But what they mean is that the armor is coming back, not the man who created it. And that’s what the don’t understand. I didn’t fall in love with Iron Man. I fell in love with Tony Stark, and he’s not coming back.

I know it may seem stupid. After all he is just a fictional character and I still have other forms of media where he’s alive and well. But I didn’t fall in love with comic Tony or cartoon Tony. I fell in love with MCU Tony. And now he’s gone.

But I still remember everything he did for me and for that I’m forever grateful.

I love you 3000, Tony Stark. You took care of me for this long. You can rest now.

P.s. I hope you and Natasha are having fun in Valhalla.

—

td;lr: Tony Stark has helped me so much over the past 8 years and I’ll never forget him.

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