#nah nah this is straight up illegal

[formulapookie]

ALECEDRO YOURE GONNA KILL ME

GOOD GOD OH MY THAT ARM

BEZ👹

👹👹👹

THE ARM KDJFJEJDJFJWKSKKEWKLWDKFJIEKWQ

I NEED BEZ TO LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK

[multifandomfanatic02]

"Stuck in a Trap."

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 : deer!Alastor x human!Reader

𝙎𝙮𝙣𝙤𝙥𝙨𝙞𝙨 : reader finds herself wandering the woods alone and falls upon a wounded stag stuck in a bear trap.

𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙨 : deer Alastor, human reader, marked, soulmate trope in a way

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 : 1.3k

It was a cool night in spring. Nice enough to take a walk outside. You had decided to chose a descent into the woods behind your house. It wasn't dangerous or anything, had a nice gravel path. A few miles into it became an attraction to some tourists. Those who were into the whole haunting thing.

The most you heard were some silly ghost stories. What nonsense, you thought. Some believed there was a portal straight to Hell sitting in the thicket somewhere. Some believed there have victims from past murders buried in there. You weren't exactly into paranormal shit, you've lived and roamed these woods for years now.

No, the closest you have seen were the crazy amounts of dead deer lying on the floor. Hunters perhaps? Maybe mountain lions? Nah. The state of the deer made you feel bad, queezy more like. The poaching of the animals was upsetting to say the least. Whenever you went on these walks, you made sure to break whatever traps you could find. More often than not, all being bear traps. It was illegal in this area after all. Nobody really enforces the law around here considering how scared everyone was with this place.

You had been walking for what felt like a few hours. Your cue being the red and pink sky to head home. Oh but it just feels so right to be there. It wasn't until you heard a loud animal like cry that you stopped in your tracks. You bet it was a deer caught in a trap. What were you thinking following a scary sound like this. This kinda thing should only happen in scary movies.

After a few minutes of wandering around for the source of the sound, the creature in question comes in to view. It was a stag. What a divine animal this was. It was a lot larger than most deer, the biggest set of antlers you had seen. And it's color was dazzling. It was as if it reflected the crimson sky above it. There was no way that it was it's natural color.

Inching closer to it, the reason of it's cry came to your attention. A hoof was caught in a bear trap like you originally thought. Blood dripped from it's ankle, in attempt to soothe it, he licked it. Blood staining around it's mouth. Looks like he'd been there for quite some time.

Bending down to the ground, you hold up your hands hoping the creature would realize you were going to try and release it. All he did was bellow in hopes to scare you away. But you just stared in amazement. Your hand just inches away from the trap, the stag notices and understands your actions. Staying still for a few seconds.

His hoof finally free, you put the bloodied old bear trap in your bag. The beautiful creature bows his head slightly, one of his front hooves folding beneath him, obviously showing a little gratitude. You bent down to meet his gaze, returning the unusual human-like gesture. You didn't really think about it too hard.

Your hand reached out to him, in hopes he'll accept your advances. The stags ears laid back against his head as he pressed his forehead into yours. He backed away slightly, giving the entirety of your forearm a well deserved lick before bounding back into the thicket of the woods.

What a strange interaction. Something you surely won't ever forget whether you liked it or not. Upon looking down, you notice a green glow surrounding the area the creature marked. Looked like it was making out a subtle A-like symbol. Well time to proceed home and wash off.

A few years had gone by and the mark still remained on your arm. After many specialist appointments and surgeries, the doctors were just as stumped as you were. It wasn't a tattoo of any kind, no ink was found in the skin. It wasn't skin cancer. And crazy as it is, after several biopsies the mark simply grew over the scar tissue. It was a complete mystery as to what that mark was. And if you told everyone where you truly got it, they would all think you were nuts.

If that wasn't enough, you often felt prying eyes around your secluded house. The paranormal stories were beginning to sound sane after all the experiences you had. There have been many nights where the stereo would turn on by itself or static would just be heard. Or nights when a dark yet comforting shadow would loom over you as you slept. You eventually became accustomed to these intrusions. Most would have moved out by now.

Whatever was here was like a dark guardian angel. You weren't thinking about the holy ones whom would just, look after you, wish you the best of luck and bring you to heaven when you died. No. This one was different. The type to personally interfere with human affairs to keep you safe. The idea wasn't too off-putting considering you had done been in two severe car accidents and a tornado; somehow leaving all situations unscathed.

More often than not, you would have dreams about the stag you had found in the woods all those years ago. Talking about how you belonged to him. How you live under his protection. He had a name too but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. His voice was really unique and drew you in like a magnet. The dreams you've received were so surreal. Like you've known him all your life.

If this was paranormal, you were going to do some digging. The term typically refers to the dead, right? The town library should have records of your property and the folks who lived there before you.

It thankfully didn't take much to get the information you were looking for. There were several newspaper articles from the 1930's that included details of a man named Alastor. Alastor.. that was the name you heard in your dream. It explained the mark on your arm.

He was a local serial killer who targeted those who were for the most part ill intentioned. Especially toward women. He was found dead in the woods behind your house, burying one of his victims. Mistakened for an animal. Which is why to this day hunting is illegal in those set of woods.

More newspaper articles opened up about his profession. Despite the mans.. er.. hobbies, he was quite the talent as a radio host back in the 20's. Youtube even had some of the old audio recordings. Your heart soared upon hearing his voice. This was him. The stag you saved, the shadows watching over you, and the voice that whispered to you in your dreams.

What didn't make sense was.. why was he a stag of all things? Why did it feel real? Well, as it turns out, the power of the human soul varies in the afterlife. Some could just interact with inanimate objects while others can only muster a sound whether it be naturally or through something called a spirit box. Then, what was Alastor?

Ultimately, you had fallen in love with Alastor. Over the course of your life, you had gotten to know him from your sweet dreams. He often thanked you for your kindness. Never had he met someone that put his faith back into humanity. Who would show such a lowly animal mercy and generosity? And the day that you arrive in Hell, he'll be there to catch you and say.

"The name is Alastor, the radio demon. A pleasure to be finally meeting you properly. Welcome home, ma chère."

a/n: i would just like to say that none of the pictures are mine, creds to the amazing artists 🎨

[xxchumanixx]

heyy can you do a tim bradford x fem reader where she is like his girlfriend or even fiancé and she gets arrested because she got in a physical fight with some other woman and when tim saw her handcuffed and brought into the station he told the officer who brought her in something like “i will handle it from here” or something like that. hope that makes sense

Double the ring

Tim Bradford x fem!reader

Warnings/Tags: language, fluff, mentions of violence (only if you squint real hard)

Word count: 776

Authors Note: Hey love, thanks for the request! I had a lot of fun writing it and I hope you'll like it!

Enjoy!

"You're fucking kidding me..." Tim mumbled as he saw you - handcuffed, a bruise on your cheek.

An officer brought you in, walking you to the cells. Tim followed, jogging to catch up with you.

You heard him, before you saw him. "Y/N!" he called after you, worry lacing his voice though he tried to hide it, as the officer told you to sit down on a bench.

You did as you were told, looking up at your fiancé, who stopped right in front of you, as the other officer cuffed one hand to the bench.

Shaking his head slightly Tim looked at the other officer. "I'll handle it from here." he told her, to which she nodded, before she left.

When she was out of sight he crouched down, carefully inspecting the bruise on your face. "What the hell happened?" he wanted to know, brows furrowed.

You weren't one to do something criminal or even illegal - hell you apologized when someone knocked you over - so he couldn't place what caused you to end up being arrested.

"When I was at the mall there was a woman who wanted to have the shoes I just bought - high heels. She tried to rip them from my hands, as one of them slipped and hit her straight in the face. She thought I attacked her, so she hit me - thus the bruise. Someone called the cops, she's at the hospital right now - caused a scene that she could have internal bleeding - from a hit in her face!"

Sighing, he tried to stifle a laugh, causing you to roll your eyes, as you slightly pushed him. Trying to keep his balance he narrowed his eyes at you.

"Did you just attack a police officer?" he wanted to know, chin held high. Rolling your eyes again you smiled. "Am I double arrested now?"

He huffed, shaking his head at your antics.

"I need you to take off your shoes, socks and jewelry." he explained. Wiggling your fingers in front of him you grinned. "You mean this one?"

Your engagement ring glittered in the ceiling light, causing him to smile proudly, as his eyes fixed on it.

"Nah, keep it on there." he told you, pointing at your other hand, that was cuffed to the bench. "Look, now you have two rings."

Huffing, you shook your head. "Yeah, double the ring, double the luck."

Chuckling to himself he took your things, before doing the necessary paperwork.

"How long am I going to be in here?" you wanted to know, sighing. Your day couldn't have gotten any worse.

He snorted, cocking a brow at your words.

"My fiancé isn't going into a cell." he declared, shaking his head as he scribbled something down. "They have the report, your statement and evidence. There is nothing that should have even led to you being arrested. You're going home."

You looked at him in utter confusion, hoping he didn't do anything stupid like messing with the papers.

Then he gave you your belongings back, nodding to himself, as you slipped back into your socks and shoes. "I'm going to have a chat with that officer." he told you, biting his cheek. "No one falsely arrests my fiancé and gets away with it."

Eyes widening you looked at him in shock.

"Tim, no!" you stopped him, before he could have get that officer fired. "It's okay - she just did her job."

Staring at you he tilted his head. "Then she did it poorly." he argumented, looking at you like you were out of your mind. "She shouldn't have arrested you, no matter if you're my fiancé or not. I'm gonna talk to her."

Rolling your eyes you tugged at the handcuff still on your wrist. Mumbling something to himself he freed you, helping you stand up.

"Listen, baby, I know that you're angry at her, but please try and be gentle - don't get her fired immediately." you tried to reason, looking up at him, though he didn't meet your eyes.

"Timothy Brad-" He cut you off, eyes widening as he finally looked at you. "Okay, okay!"

Chuckling, you shook your head. He hated it when you called him by his full name.

"I'll try." he assured you, before putting his hand on your lower back, directing you back to the lobby. "And next time someone wants to arrest you, call me."

Cocking a brow you looked up at him, when you halted in the lobby. "There'll be no next time." Huffing he shook his head, a smile on his lips, before he kissed you.

"Never say never, baby."

[captainsophiestark]

Batting Cages

Kol Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for Fictober 2024!

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Day Twenty-Two Prompt: "Why are we doing this again?"

Summary: Kol and his spouse are in Denver, trying to find Jeremy Gilbert to help Klaus with his scheme. Unfortunately for Klaus, the couple are still head over heels for each other, and therefore easily distracted.

Word Count: 1,182

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Why are we doing this again?"

I wiggled the bat over my shoulder as I stared at my husband, Kol Mikaelson, from where he stood over the pitching machine in the batting cage. He tossed the baseball up in his hand, catching it again as he grinned at me.

"Because I need to make friends with Jeremy Gilbert, and he likes coming to the batting cages for fun after school."

I huffed, dropping the bat back to my side, held loosely in one hand. I made a show of looking left and then right at the other batting cages around us, then turned back to Kol.

"I don't see him."

"He'll be here. We just have to wait him out."

"Fine." I brought the bat back up to just over my shoulder. "Pitch it, then."

Kol smirked, then hurled the ball in my direction with a little more speed than I thought necessary. I swung through with the bat, keeping my eye on the ball and using some of my vampire strength, since that's apparently how Kol wanted to play.

The ball went rocketing back towards him in a straight line, so quick that he barely had time to duck out of the way. He popped back up a moment later, an indignant expression on his face.

"Hey!"

I just laughed and shot Kol a grin.

"You know, that's why they have the pitching machines," I said. "So you can avoid exactly what happened."

"Nah, that's not as fun," Kol said, waving me off before grabbing another baseball. "Come on, get the bat ready again."

I did. Kol and I had been together for centuries, so we'd developed a great rythm together. I'd found my soulmate, and even better, I'd been lucky enough to get eternity with him. So, when his brother sent him more than halfway across the country for some ridiculous and overdramatic mission, I'd come with him.

We found little ways to make the best of it. Like getting to the batting cages early to spend some time together.

"You know," I started, wiggling the bat over my shoulder again as Kol wound up another pitch, "if we had some blue tinted glasses, we could pretend we were in Twilight right now. Vampire baseball."

Kol shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"You are way too into that media for an actual vampire."

I just grinned at him, swinging the bat and knocking out another pitch he sent my way. This time, despite the temptation, I didn't send it straight at him.

After another few rotations, Kol and I switched places. I tossed a couple easier pitches his way, and Kol had fun hitting them out of the park, but I was starting to get bored. I tried to put a little spin on my next pitch, and for the first time all day, Kol missed it.

"Damn!"

I grinned. "Come on, babe. You've been playing baseball longer than anyone else alive. You can get that."

Kol narrowed his eyes at me, keeping the bat raised and ready. My grin widened and I wound up another pitch.

Wham! Like the last, it went flying past Kol and into the backstop. He growled in frustration and dropped the bat down to his side.

"Dammit! Alright, give me another one. We're not leaving here until I get this."

"Or... how about we make a bet?"

Kol raised an eyebrow at me, his posture relaxing.

"I'm intrigued, darling. What did you have in mind?"

"We take turns pitching and batting, say, thirty turns at each position. Whoever does the worst across both has to make the winner's favorite dinner tonight."

Kol grinned. "You're on."

"Perfect. Think fast."

Using vampire speed, I whipped the ball in my hand at Kol, ideally before he could react. Unfortunately for me, he also had vampire speed, and he sent the pitch flying right back at me an instant later.

"Nice try, darling. But you're going to have to do better than that."

Kol and I got lost in our competition, devolving quickly from any rules of sportsmanship. We tried to surprise each other with pitches, distract each other by shouting, and finally, distract each other by flirting. By the end of our combined sixty pitches, Kol was trying to speed across the batting cage faster than the ball he'd just thrown to pick me up so I couldn't hit the pitch.

I cackled as Kol literally swept me off my feet. Unfortunately for him, it was a moment after I'd connected with the baseball, sending it into the back fencing for the win. He put me down with a sigh, taking the bat out of my hands and spinning me around to face him.

"So... a tie, then."

"Nope! Nice try, Mikaelson, but I was keeping score, and you agreed with me. Hitting that last pitch gave me the win and we both know it."

Kol hummed, throwing the bat away from us and pulling me flush against his chest. He leaned down and kissed me, and I smiled into it, running my hands up and into his hair.

We were just starting to get carried away when a barely-intelligible voice crackled over the speakers of the batting cages.

"Attention everyone, the cages will be closing in ten minutes. In ten minutes."

Kol and I broke apart, just staring at each other for a moment. Then, we both burst out laughing.

"Damm," Kol said, shaking his head even as his smile stayed put. "We either completely missed Jeremy, or he didn't come today."

I shrugged. "Eh, I still feel good about how we spent the day. The mission can start tomorrow."

"I guess it's going to have to, now. Good thing Nik's not here to find out."

"Pft. Let him try to come at us. We've got a bunch of metal bats, we're untouchable."

Kol laughed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders as we headed out of the batting cages together. A few other people were headed out, too, but none of them were Jeremy Gilbert. Oh well.

"You know, darling... I think I might come by myself tomorrow. I don't think I'll ever be able to focus on Nik's schemes or the Gilbert kid when I can focus on you instead."

I beamed, leaning into Kol a little bit as we walked down the street together.

"That's fine with me. There's plenty of other things I want to check out while we're stuck in Denver. Although, when we meet back up tomorrow night, you should be warned that I'll probably have quite a few stacks of new books with me."

Kol laughed. "I'd be worried if you spent time in a new city and did anything else!"

"Aw, babe. You really get me."

Kol laughed, and after a moment, I joined him. We strolled down the street together, the same way we'd been spending our evenings for hundreds of years, and I couldn't keep a bright smile off my face. We might've been here to help Klaus with some ridiculous scheme or other, but no matter where we went or why, all Kol and I really needed was to be together.

*****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen @misshale21

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals Taglist: @elenavampire21

[gurugirl]

an adorable bad boy | loveable!rogue!harry

This is part 1 of a Patreon series (all 10 parts have been posted on Patreon already). If you'd like more check out my Patreon! xoxo

A loveable rogue is someone who breaks the law for personal profit while being nice and charming, likely with a sad or dark past.

AU Premise: Harry has been in and out of jail for nearly a decade due to a string of bad luck and bad choices. But he's not a bad guy. Not really.

Summary: Harry's trying to keep on the straight and narrow now that he's out of jail but things have never come easy for him. And then he meets the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. Maybe things won't be so bad after all. If only she'd give him her number.

Word Count: 3.8k

Warning: Mentions of drugs and the sale of drugs, mentions of jail time

❊❊❊

Harry’s life sucked. Every time he tried to get on the right track, his past would come back to haunt him. He took responsibility for the things he did and he knew he deserved to have the book thrown at him. But he also knew where he came from didn’t make things easier for him. Starting at a young age he had to act like an adult and do things most people would never imagine needing to do just to get by.

Now, nearing 30, he was determined to get his shit together. If he had to step foot in another jail cell again he was going to just end it. He couldn’t handle another sentence that had him losing a job, his car, the place he was staying… Every time he got into trouble it was like he had to start over again. From scratch.

And he was always well-behaved once behind bars so he usually got out early on good behavior. But keeping out of trouble as a free man was nearly impossible. He’d be tossed out on the street once he was released but with no place to go and not a dime to his name, times were hard. He had to hustle for a dollar. And when he meant hustle, it usually involved something illegal.

Getting a job that paid well was a joke. No one wanted a convicted felon. No one would hire a man who had a criminal record. Why risk it? He sure as hell wouldn’t if he were in their shoes.

There was no program to help him reintegrate. No help for a safe spot to sleep. Shelters wouldn’t even allow him a safe haven due to his past. He had nothing. Incarceration meant drudging through, keeping his head down, and following directions. That was easy. But there was nothing easy about rebuilding his life over and over again once he was out from behind bars.

His sister wouldn’t answer his calls anymore. He’d drained that well dry. His mother had cut him off too. His cousin was a last resort, but that’s sort of how his life was these days. Everything was a last resort.

“Harry! My dude! You get out?”

He was leaning against a tall residential building in an alley with a cigarette in hand. The phone he was using was the one that he had when he got locked up, kept for him upon his release. The officer helping him fill out his release forms allowed him to charge his phone before they pushed him out the doors. How kind.

The wifi signal from the bookstore gave him access to his apps so he could make the phone call he was dreading.

“Yep. Glad to be out of there. How are you doing?” He figured he’d make some small talk before getting to the point. He didn’t want to be rude, after all.

Saul gave him the rundown of what had been going on with everyone. And then Harry learned he was engaged.

“Wow. Congrats, cousin. Proud of you. You guys living together?”

“Nah. Not until after the wedding. She’s a really good girl. Super sweet. Her whole family is. Just like, the nicest people I’ve ever met. But she doesn’t want to move in until we’re married since that looks bad to her parents,” Saul laughed. “They’re super conservative about stuff like that. They think she’s still a virgin.”

Harry humored him with a chortle through the phone and then sighed. The sun was going down. Small talk needed to come to a halt. He had to get this part over with.

“So, uh… hate to ask this but um, could you let me crash at your place for a few nights? I’ve got nowhere to go since I just got out and gonna be cold tonight. Otherwise, I’d just sleep in the park or something.”

Silence for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“Did you ask your sister? I mean I’m sure–“

“She hates me right now. Won’t take my calls. But man, look, it’s okay if you can’t. I get it.”

“You know what? Sure. You can stay here for a bit. I know shit’s hard. How you gettin’ here?”

Harry let out the breath he’d been holding in and leaned his head back into the building in relief, “Gonna walk. Literally have nothing to my name. Just my old cell phone, half charged, and this free wifi I’m using to call you. I can get there in like an hour.”

Saul told him he’d pick him up but Harry didn’t want to trouble him anymore than he had. It was already embarrassing asking for help. Plus a walk through the city would feel good. It’d been a while since he’d seen the hustle and bustle of daily life in the city.

It was late September. He was wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt with boots. At least he had a beanie on his head. His cousin lived in one of those “up-and-coming” neighborhoods. Gritty but recently gentrified. His flat was two floors up. A flimsy plastic call button for the residents hung outside the reinforced glass door that opened up to a small lobby with mailboxes in the wall to the left and just beyond that, old wooden stairs that led up to each apartment.

Saul was on floor three. Harry took the stairs two at a time and the door was already open with his smiling cousin waiting for him and then a warm embrace that made Harry feel like maybe he was going to be okay. Silly as it sounded. He hadn’t been hugged in over a year. Hadn’t felt safe and relaxed in over a year.

“Ordered some pizza from this fire spot. Should be here soon. Beer?”

Harry could cry. He hadn’t had pizza or beer in over a year either. There was a lot he hadn’t had in over a year.

“Uh, yeah. Thank you, man.”

Harry followed Saul into his tiny galley kitchen and leaned against the frame of the door as he watched his cousin pull a beer from the fridge, “And thank you for everything. For this. I really mean it. I’ll pay you back as soon as I get a job.”

Handing Harry his beer Saul laughed, “We’ll see. Alyssa and I might need help for the wedding next summer. Her dad wants to have the wedding at their place. They’ve got this nice house with a massive garden in the back. But they need people to help landscape and do some manual labor to get it ready. Might save us a little money if you could help. But that’s a ways off,” he waved his hand as he walked past Harry into the living room. “Don’t worry about it right now. I’ll figure out a way you can pay me back.”

. . .

A few nights turned into a few weeks. And Harry did find a job, but he’d need to save up for a while longer to be able to afford a place on his own. He figured, at least he could pay Saul for food and help pay some of the bills in the meantime.

Fortunately, the job he found paid pretty well. Unfortunately, it was illegal. It was what had gotten him thrown in jail in the first place.

Selling drugs. Mainly weed. Some shrooms, ecstasy, molly… party drugs.

He applied to 28 places. Twenty. Eight. Dishwasher, food prep, janitor, midnight stocker, busboy, fast food line cook… everything he could find from places that might take a chance on someone with a record. After a week of having Harry sleeping on his couch, Saul appeared to be getting frustrated. So, Harry did what he always did when he needed money (and who doesn’t need money?). He called Memo.

Memo always had a spot for Harry. And because he trusted Harry he gave him an advance.

The first thing Harry did with his money was buy some clothes for himself and groceries for the house. Getting rid of his supply was easy. He still had all his old contacts to sell to and with Harry’s natural charm, he was introduced to even more people who wanted some killer weed and Harry was their man.

Saul seemed to lighten up a bit when Harry began paying him cash for his part of the bills and to help cover some of the rent.

Being a drug dealer bought him time. Eventually, he’d find a better gig. He knew there were places that would hire felons, he just had to be patient. But in the meantime, doing shady shit to get by was necessary.

“So, I’m going out tonight. With Alyssa and a few others. Just going to Ray’s. You can join us if you want.”

Harry was sitting on the couch readying himself for another night in but maybe going out with his cousin for a few beers could be fun, “Anyone I know going?”

Saul shook his head, “Doubt it. It’ll be Alyssa, her little sister, and a few of our mutual friends.”

Harry figured it was better if the people that were going to be there didn’t know him. And besides, what better way to spend a Friday night as a single man? Sitting at Saul’s house was fine, but going out and meeting new people with a few beers in hand sounded a hell of a lot better.

Harry nodded, “Why not?”

. . .

Roy’s might have been an old hole in the wall, but it was a popular old hole in the wall. Harry could hear the music before they walked into the black brick building with the lighted, vintage metal sign that hung above the door.

The smell of stale cigarettes and beer hung in the dark space, a shiny lacquered bar that ran half the length of the room, high-top tables, two pool tables, and a few booths.

Alyssa nearly pummeled Saul, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and kissing him on the cheek as she squealed.

“We’re just over here! Tony got us a big booth 'cause he got here early.” She pulled Saul along with her. Harry followed.

The group that came into view were two young men and two young women. He barely had a chance to take it all in before Alyssa pulled his arm, “Everyone! This is Harry, Saul’s cousin. The one we were telling you about.”

The one we were telling you about. Harry knew what that meant.

Harry smiled and nodded as he slid into the booth. It was long and easily accommodated all seven of them.

“I’m Kelin,” the man he sat next to held his hand out to Harry to shake. The one next to Kelin greeted Harry, “I’m Tony,” he turned and looked at the girl next to him, “And this is my girlfriend, Dasha.” Dasha smiled and waved at Harry.

Then as Alyssa moved into the opposite side of the booth with Saul at the end she hugged the girl next to Dasha, “And this is my little sister, Y/n.”

Some moments in time are unexplainable. Like moments when things feel like fate but you don’t believe in that sort of thing. Or like when someone is speaking a language you don’t know but you swear you understood everything they just said. Sometimes it was more like a riddle you couldn’t figure out all day only to wake up in the middle of the night from a dream with the answer.

The moment Y/n set her pretty gaze upon Harry was like that for him. Something inexplicable. Something enchanting. Almost mythical.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” Harry spoke as he tried to tear his eyes from the angel called Y/n. He forced his pupils away to look at everyone else but his heart was already beginning to thump violently in his chest.

Drinks were ordered and conversation resumed to wherever it was left off before Saul and Harry’s arrival.

“So, we were discussing anything but the wedding!” Dasha laughed as Alyssa moaned exaggeratedly.

“I was only letting you guys know the theme!” Alyssa laughed.

“Girl, tonight is a night off. And the wedding isn’t for like another 8 months!”

Harry tried to focus on the conversation as he sipped his beer but he couldn’t help allowing his eyes the indulgence of Y/n’s pretty face. She had some kind of clear drink. A vodka soda maybe. And when Kelin started talking about the Halloween party he was throwing Y/n’s eyes met Harry’s again and he thought he was going to fall limp to the floor in a puddle at her feet.

He didn’t even know what her voice sounded like and he was already imagining waking up next to her in the morning and getting to see her disheveled hair and warm pajamas and soft, tired eyes. He had never had such a visceral reaction to anyone before. Ever.

Another round of drinks made its way to the table and Harry hardly spoke a word. Y/n only laughed a few times at what was being said but otherwise, she remained quiet as she sipped her drink.

He needed to talk to her. He needed to learn all about her. He wasn’t sure why it felt so important, so vital to him. But every time she looked at him his throat went dry and he searched her face for any sign that she might be feeling the same odd connection that he was feeling.

“I need a cigarette,” Y/n spoke as she looked at Alyssa, making Saul and Alyssa scoot out of the booth to let her out.

Harry tapped his fingers on the table as he watched her walk past before speaking up, “Yeah, me too.” He hopped up from the booth and jogged to catch up with his dream girl before she could push the door open.

“Allow me,” he grabbed the handle and opened the door for her.

“What a gentleman. Thank you,” she grinned teasingly at him and Harry felt his head swirl and his knees go weak. She smiled at him and he was sure he was in love at that moment.

“I try,” he chuckled as he followed her to the edge of the building before she pulled out her pack of cigarettes. Harry liked the same brand.

He pulled out his lighter and held it out as she put the filter between her lips. The flame lit the tip and then Harry put his own cigarette into his mouth and lit it.

“You have good taste,” Y/n gestured with her cigarette toward his and watched his mouth as he inhaled the smoke into his lungs.

“Guess we both do,” he blew the smoke out and it mixed with the smoke she blew out at the same time.

“Heard you recently got out of jail. Alyssa told me to keep my distance,” she laughed as she took another puff, her eyes on his.

“Yeah. Trying to keep on the straight and narrow now. Jail sucks,” he let his gaze wander over her lips and jawline and down to her neck, “I’m not that bad, though. You gonna get in trouble with your big sister for having a smoke with me?”

She snorted (which Harry found adorable and irresistible) and shook her head, “I’m an adult. She tries to act protective and tough but she knows better than to tell me what I can and can’t do. In fact,” she took a drag and lowered her gaze to Harry’s outfit and then back up to his eyes before exhaling, “When she tells me not to do something it just makes me want to do it more.”

Harry felt his face grow warm as he listened to her speak and couldn’t help the smile that took over his face, dimples winking awake in his cheeks.

“Oh shit,” she leaned into the brick and crossed an arm over her middle, one arm angled out with the cigarette propped between her two fingers, “You’ve got dimples.”

Harry ashed his stick, keeping the smile on his face, “I guess I do. Is it okay?”

Y/n laughed softly, the prettiest sound Harry had ever heard, and nodded, “Of course it’s okay. It’s adorable.”

“Adorable…” Harry repeated as he leaned his shoulder into the brick and faced Y/n, “Think I’m adorable?” He pulled his lips into his mouth, tamping his wide smile as he blushed. Yeah, he was blushing.

She reached her hand up to his shoulder-length hair to tug at a curl, “You are. Pretty curls, green eyes, dimples. I get why Alyssa didn’t want me to get mixed up with you. An adorable bad boy. Dangerous combo.”

Harry shook his head and looked down at her feet before winding his pupils up her frame to her face, “Bad boy? Nah, not really. Just made some stupid decisions.”

Y/n shrugged and pulled at her cigarette before blowing out the hot smoke, “Mmm….” She pursed her lips and squinted at him, “You’re definitely a bad boy. You kind of emanate that persona. And I bet you use those dimples to charm all the ladies.”

Harry chuckled and looked down again to give his retinas a break from her breathtaking beauty. When he looked back at her he shook his head slowly, “If anything you’re the charmer. Making me blush over here.”

She giggled and leaned her head back as she looked up into the sky. Harry was not going to be getting over her laugh. He knew he’d be dreaming about it too.

“I’m just honest is all. Not particularly charming I don’t think.”

Harry shook his head and pointed at her, “No. You are definitely charming. Sweeping me right off my feet.”

“Oh, I am? Falling for me already, Harry?” She smirked at him and turned her body to face his, mimicking his stance.

Was it too soon for him to fall for her? Yes. But Harry was never one to play by usual timelines. He grinned and licked his lips, “Be bad if I said I was?”

She puffed out a laugh, “Probably would be bad. You don’t even know me. I’m really not all that great. Lots of issues. Very unstable,” she laughed as she gestured at her head and then wrapped her lips around the filter to inhale.

“If that’s the case, then you’re just that much cuter,” Harry parted his lips to place the cigarette between them as he kept his eyes on hers.

She bit her lip and turned to look out into the street, “You gonna go to the Halloween party next week?”

Harry shook his head, “Probably not. Wasn’t invited. Don’t like to dress up for shit like that anyway.”

“Hmm… If you go I’ll go,” she turned to look at him and raised her brows.

Harry stitched his brows together and tilted his head, “Are you serious?”

She nodded, “Sure. Why not. Wasn’t planning on going either but I will if you do.”

Harry narrowed his eyes at her and grinned, “Still wasn’t invited, though. We’ll see.”

Y/n tossed her butt down to the ground and stepped over the tip to crunch out the burning end, “Probably should get back in there. Alyssa’s gonna think we’ve run off together. That’d really get her going.”

Harry chuckled and followed suit with his own cigarette and nodded before following her back to the booth in the bar.

This time, as luck would have it, Harry scooted into his original spot and Y/n sat down next to him at the end.

“I wish you wouldn’t smoke,” Alyssa frowned at Y/n and Harry leaned forward to put his elbows on the table as he turned to look at Y/n’s profile. She was certainly stunning.

Y/n shook her head and looked at Dasha, “Will you pass my drink down?”

Harry looked down at his lukewarm beer and pushed himself into the seat, his back hitting the vinyl cushion behind him before turning his head to watch as Y/n drank from her glass.

Everyone at the table resumed their conversation but both Harry and Y/n were thinking about the way their thighs were pressed together and how warm it felt. How nice it was.

“You’re staring,” she whispered with a grin as she set her glass down on the table and turned slightly to see the limn of his outline in her peripheral.

He grinned as he leaned his shoulder into hers as he spoke quietly, “Can’t help it.”

Harry tried to be as subtle as possible with everyone around but his skin was tingling in delight any time she shifted to pick up her glass her thigh ran against the stretch of his jeans. He regretted that he couldn’t stare into her beautiful eyes but he loved her nearness. The smell of her perfume and her shampoo.

“So, Harry,” Tony spoke up, “What do you do for fun?”

Harry was caught off guard. He’d been far too focused on the girl next to him that he nearly forgot he might need to participate in a conversation.

He laughed and looked at Saul and then to Tony, “I like music a lot. Um… reading. I don’t know,” he shrugged.

“He used to be in a band. Plays guitar and sings. He can play almost any instrument actually,“ Saul chimed in.

Harry rolled his eyes when everyone began to ask questions. He didn’t enjoy talking about himself because then that wound up leading to discussing his time in jail. Thankfully no one brought it up, though he was sure everyone already knew anyway. Saul wasn’t exactly discreet.

When the bill was paid after everyone threw down some cash, Y/n slid out of the booth with Harry right behind her, “Can I have your number?” He spoke so only she could hear as he brushed his fingers against hers.

She stopped and turned toward him, a mischievous grin on her face, “I’ll give you my number if you come to the party next weekend.”

Everyone began to walk to the door and Y/n turned to leave but Harry wasn’t done. He felt his heart walloping in his chest as he hastened his steps after her, pulling at her hand as stealthily as possible, “I can’t just crash a party I wasn’t invited to.”

When they stepped outside Y/n moved to the side to let everyone walk past and she looked up at Harry, “If you don’t come then you don’t get my number. It’s up to you.”

Harry swallowed as he looked down at the pretty girl in amazement, “Fine. I’ll be there.”

She smiled sweetly and raised her hand to poke at his dimple, “I know you will.”

NEXT PART (link goes to Patreon)

I hope you enjoyed part 1! This is the only part I'll be posting on Tumblr. If you want more check out my Patreon 💕

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[sooniebby]

Whats ur oc’s opinion on public/semi public s3x?

Oh—I’m surprised no one had asked this before lol

Yuta — he’s a sex worked in a gym… so he does it, multiple times. But he’s not really into it, honestly. He prefers privacy

Yubin — no way! Your body is only for his to see. Though he enjoys teasing you in public places secretly he’d never outright have sex

Riki — same as Yubin, but no teasing. He’s just a very private person when it comes to sex. The only way he’d end up having sex is if he’s in rut, then he’ll be too horny to think straight

Levi — no. He gets shy

Xavier — it’s a crime, is what he’d say if you asked.

Nalin — he has a modesty to keep

Soojin — that’s a scandal waiting to happen. He’d rather just roleplay it lol

Vincent — nah, he ain’t into it.

Keita — he’s too old for jail

Jun Jie — don’t ask him that he’d straight up fuck you in front of your classmates if he could. Fucking perverted, it’s crazy

Kimura — he does many illegal things. But somehow that feels too illegal to him. Maybe if it was a club/place designed for public sex… he’d have to think on it

Mikey — he had you sucking his dick on the field behind the belchers while your teammates were practicing

Eun Jae — he’s not even outside enough to be able to do it

Yichen — he’d kill himself before willingly doing that

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Do they keep a diary/a journal?

Mal - yes, actually. But no gross feelings stuff, ew. Just drawings. ...Of various levels of "disturbing". (Peak being begining of D2, of course)

Jay - nah. Better stuff to do. Also lowkey paranoid it'll be stolen.

Evie - yes, technically, multiple. She keeps one journal to jot down what was when done to any potions she's brewing (the correct scientific procedure), her fashion one, of course, for whatever designs she dreams of, and lastly, one to note down orders and payments for her shop.

Carlos - nah. He's got a collection of loose papers with important and "important" info on them. His cousins still keep finding them in Hell Hall. Jay has to move them from his parts of the room regularly. Mal found papers stuck in between her journal.

Uma - no. WAY more important shit to do, and she finds it way too sentimental. She keeps records of stuff important for the running of her crew, but doesn't consider it a journal, rather a public record.

Harry - yes. To the surprise if absolutely no one, the thing he writes most about is Uma. There are several original songs and poems for her as well. He wouldn't mind if she found it.

Gil - I wanna say yes, he tries. He's not very consistent though. The only thing he writes about is his friends and crewmates – he accidentally puts it down in the common space of the ship often, and most of the crewmates picked it up once. Cos, y'know. You see, you take. If they read it, they began blushing furiously under the excited "My friends are SO cool" Gil wrote and gave it back to him without a word.

Claudine - once she stops living with her father, yes, though it took some convincing. She doesn't write regularly, though, because she just doesn't know what to write, and is afraid of putting her thoughts on the paper. Later, she writes poems in letters so small it's illegible, since poetry masks the true self a bit.

Harriet - yes. She writes regularly, though not a lot of feelings stuff. She writes poems and vague stories draws whatever comes to her mind (mostly abstract stuff) and keeps it tightly locked up in her cabin, since that shit is DARK. Smee twins accidentally found it once and Sammy kept complaining they were afraid of her drawings for two weeks straight.

CJ - ...she tries to. It never lasts more than two days in row. But she adds new disjointed entry every time she's reminded that her older siblings do so. It's actually extremely disturbing in different way than Harriet's since she has ZERO ability to self-censor.

Freddie - two. One for music and one for dreams and card readings.

Celia - one. Dreams and Cards and Friends on the other side. Though, technically, both sisters share another one, written in cryptic code and abbreviations and moved from place to place with regularity but without a set schedule. This one is about secrets of the Isle residents, the ones they bother or dare to write down.

Dizzy - I wanna say yes, actual diary, feelings and all. To utter exasperation of all her older relatives.

Anthony - no, keeping tabs on the salon is enough, thank you.

Dulcia - look, my girl deserves a Burn Book.

Ginny - not really. If she absolutely NEEDS something noted down, she tells Anthony. Exception being medical notes at the Escape but she delegates paperwork away any time she can. Also, I feel like her handwriting is borderline illegible to anyone but her and the three people she shares mental disturbances with (Maddy, Anthony, Harriet)

Maddy - she keeps tabs on the Apothecary and like Evie, writes down the shit she's synthetising. It's only correct to do.

Ivy - Yeah she gets a burn book too. She deserves it <3. It's in one notebook with scraps from fashion magasines and and some kaligrams. (Again, that's a form of self-censure. Can't read it, so it isn't there.)

I think I ran out of Isle kids, so AKs (all regarding a diary):

Audrey - canonically she does, I have nothing else to add.

Ben - he tries to, but he doesn't manage to write regularly, what with being a CHILD KING and all. It's healthy for him tho. Took the habit from his mother.

Chad - I refuse to believe this boy has a diary. He views it as "useless" and "too feminine".

Jane - yes, actual diary full of feelings. Starting each entry with "dear diary". She locks it religiously though, since her mother can and will read it if give an oppurtunity to.

Ally - yes and frankly it should be studied and/or published (with different names for the sake of privacy, but i'd pay a lot to read a diary of Ally Liddel of Wonderland)

Lonnie - ...no. she tried to, few times, but never quite managed more than few entries in a row. She doesn't particularly like sitting still, and fancies the thought of someone actually reading what she thinks about certain stuff even less.

Jordan - ...she uses her blogs and vlogs as a diary. The more private ones. Not her Drama Channel.

[pekoehoneyncream]

Sergeant Kyle Gaz Garrick Headcanons

Part One

Words: 600~

TW: None (sfw)

Part Two

Y'all are powered by spite alone, istg. Gaz won the poll by one vote, ONE! I had soap's shit lined up and ready to go and y'all really said 'nah, no thank you'

Here's your prize,

Hope You Enjoy!

Gaz is slow to trust. He does not like strangers, and often feels on edge around new people. He isn't outright rude, in fact he's often downright friendly. He knows better than to alienate unknowns and make unneeded enemies for his team by acting hostile.

Ghost often validates Gaz's suspicious nature by asking him for breakdowns of potential weaknesses and if someone's likely to become a problem or a liability. 

Gaz shows a lot of love through acts of service, if there's anything that the 141 needs or needs done he'll make sure it happens, often before they even realise it's going to become a problem.

Gaz has a habit of referring to other people as NPCs. Particularly groups of people that ostensibly have a use, but only ostensibly.

Gaz cusses A Lot. He uses swearing, snark, and sarcasm as coping mechanisms, particularly in stressful situations. He doesn’t like directing his vitriol at his teammates, but situations, enemies, unknowns, strangers, acquaintances, and friends are all free game.

Cannot stand ticking or tapping noises, especially when he can't find where the sound is coming from. Rattling vents and unbalanced ticking ceiling fans are the banes of his existence. | At first he tried to be casual when he brought stuff up to Price, “So, have you noticed that the third light in the breakroom buzzes and flickers a bit when it's on?”, but now he just straight up tells Price what bothers him. (Price tells maintenance, but if they're being too slow Price has been known to just fix it himself.) | Soap, with his pathological need to bounce his legs, is on thin fucking ice. Gaz can usually ignore it if Soap keeps a consistent rhythm, but when Soap's fidgety he starts to drive Gaz up the wall.

Not great at sharing. Leaving the last piece of something, in case someone else might want it, is not something that would ever cross his mind. If someone doesn't directly ask for something, he's assuming they're not interested.

He's cannot do constructive criticism. He's got the criticism part down pat, but rarely cares enough to struggle with making it constructive. He embodies that video: Be Nice. ‘I'm finding it.’ It takes you that long? ‘It does, It does.’

He's an only child. His mom, Gemma, is a Biomedical Equipment Technician, and his dad, Arthur, is a Semi-Retired English Professor. He was mostly raised by his dad, as his mom's job kept her out of the house most days. His dad actually became Semi-Retired to be a Stay-At-Home-Dad and raise Gaz. Arthur Garrick has published a few textbooks and still goes in for the occasional guest lecture.

Gaz's bedtime stories were books like Le Morte de Artur, the Iliad, Lord of the Rings, the Robert Frost Compendium, and Narnia.  

When Gaz was learning to write his dad taught him cursive, leaning towards calligraphy. To this day Gaz's printing looks like a ten year-old's. Meanwhile, his writing is very pretty to look at, but nearly illegible. His signature is completely unreadable, it's just a very elaborate pile of loops and slashes.

Occasionally forgets the words for things. His brain does this thing that he likes to call Playing Wheel of Fortune, where it will let him remember the meaning of the word, and sometimes what the word rhymes with, or its first letter. | These moments all go something like this: “You can’t pin that on me! You've only got… fuck what’s the word, where its a person in a place and they're getting blamed for something. It’s like a lawyery thing.” A court? “No no, it's like they got caught, but they were in the wrong place and it’s only if you put it together a certain way it looks bad. Like a bad impression, but serious. It’s a long word. I think it starts with S… Circumference? No. Situation? Something like that.” Circumstantial? “Yes! Circumstantial! Circumstantial Evidence!” I saw you eating my crisps, that's not circumstantial evidence.

Thank You for Reading!

PekoeHoneynCream's Headcanons

[marimayscarlett]

After going through their answers in this questionnaire and a few others - I don't know why everyone thinks Richard is the one when Paul is the absolute edge lord!

Hi 👋

(Older ask regarding this interview.)

While I would not call Paul an 'edge lord', I do get what you mean. Paul can be, just like Richard, very honest and open in interviews, but his approach is sometimes less diplomatic - really quite direct, casual, and straight from the heart. Very much "Berliner Schnauze", you could say 😄

Some examples I found of Paul being...well, Paul:

Some quotes from this fan-interview:

Question: Do you think you'll be on stage again when you'll be 60? (like rolling stones for example...) Paul: Hopefully somebody will die first. Then we won't have to worry about that.

Question: I really liked Keine Lust video, whose was the idea that you were fat? Paul: It was Schneider's idea. Inside the suits it was really hot. Thankfully, the warehouse was really cold. The whole crew had to freeze but we sweated like pigs. The fat make-up took around 4 hours. But it was still a lot of fun. Most of all, when we had to piss. But I won't tell any more details on that.

Question: Should you ever consider to bring another musicians on stage during concerts like a trumpet player or so? Paul: Six is more than enough. If you ever see us with backing singers, bongo players and horn section, please shoot me!

Question: Aren't you afraid of falling into a deep black hole after the band's intensive life together at the end of the tour? Paul: Wipe your ass and change your diaper, then you'll feel at home again. On tour you have a kind of royal life, it spoils the character. We're fighting to keep from going insane. But sometimes I enjoy not having to do the dishes or take out the garbage. The food is introduced to me orally, I hardly need to chew anymore...(Metal Hammer)

On the topic of 'explosives': Paul: Our downfall, essentially, was that we knew a guy who could get his hands on explosives illegally. He would always supply us with explosives, and so we started blowing things up. It began with a fish we bought from a store, just to see how it would blow up. We’d wrap the explosives in a film canister and then blow up everything we could find. That was really our downfall—once you start blowing things up, you just have to keep going. (Radio Fritz)

Just this one here (from this post by lovely @tinnike):

At the MTV European Music Awards 2007: Markus Kavka: You’re having a completely relaxed evening tonight, which doesn’t happen often for this band—neither nominated nor performing. A whole new situation for you. How will you handle it?Paul: We’re going to get drunk! Markus: Oh, so you haven’t done that before? Paul: Oh, we have.

On finding new topics for lyrics (ZDF documentary): Paul: People always think we sit there like: Hmm, we’ve done incest already, hmm… sex between siblings, yeah, we’ve had that too, hmm… with dogs? Nah, Die Ärzte already did that. Alright, we don’t need it…

But I guess every band needs a very outspoken and open person, and I think Paul is fulfilling this role perfectly 😅

[miraluking-respectfully]

How Tall are the SWTOR Boyfriends?

This was written some months ago, but the Theron Height Poll has inspired me to actually post it.

Basing my metrics around 1) the average male height in the USA where I live (5'9" or 1.75m, according to google) 2) what would be funniest or cutest when matched to their personalities and dynamics with the player character. Bear in mind: I am not operating under the assumption that being a short man is something to be ashamed of (it isn't in the real world and it isn't in Star Wars), but some of the husbands in this video game have personalities that are...enhanced by engaging in a little playful stereotyping. You'll see what I mean.

Jorgan: 5'11-6'/~1.8m, hovering somewhere in the above average range. It makes him more intimidating to the average private who makes the mistake of getting his attention, but by the same token, more charming when he warms up to the Trooper and proves himself just a big fuzzy kitty. With a big fuzzy sniper rifle

Andronikos: 5'6ish, 5'7ish (~1.7m), hard to tell because he slouches. He only really stands up straight when he's trying to be a big tough guy

Quinn: 5'7"/1.7018m. No ambiguity because his posture is perfect. Alternate Interpretation: However tall your SW is, he is exactly 6 centimeters shorter. Come Here Elbow Rest

Doc: 5'4"/1.6m. No, not because I think his womanizing personality is him "overcompensating"; in fact Doc's height is only ever an advantage in his romantic conquests. He comes on so strong that him being particularly tall might be intimidating. But nah, he's just a little birthday boy, so the hot people in his orbit let their guard down, allowing him to get in close and hit 'em with a pickup line related to his medical expertise. Being small also means he's harder to hit when helping retrieve wounded resistance fighters from the battlefield #BalmorraForever

Felix: 5'11"/~1.8m, he gets an ABOVE AVERAGE height bc he is an ABOVE AVERAGE husband can I get an AMEN

Torian: You ever met a high school freshman and been fucking shocked that children are allowed to be so enormous? The kid's like, 14 years old and shot up like two feet over the summer, and it feels illegal? That's Torian. He's 19 and he's been 6'2"/~1.87m for the past five and a half years, but he's still a little gangly and the only reason he knows how to control his extremely long limbs is he's literally a trained fighter. Alternate Interpretation: If your BH is taller than 5'10, he's 5'10 exactly

Corso: 6'/1.82m. I know I just said negative associations around short men don't exist in The Galaxy Far Far Away, but Corso seems like the kind of guy who would somehow independently develop a complex about his height, if he was short. The fact he doesn't means he must be tall

Vector: God, I really wanted to make him on the shorter side of average to pair with his mild-mannered personality and contrast the more unusual elements of his speech and his eyes, but his sleek character design makes him feel tall when I'm looking at him. He's also the only LI I've drawn beside one of my characters, and I just sort of unconsciously made him tall because my agent is kind of short, and it looked appealing. Results inconclusive; some boyfriends can grow as tall as starships while others can be as small as mites

Arcann: 5'8"/1.72m. (Thexan was 5'9")

Theron: No taller than 5'9"/1.75m. Theron seems like a pretty normal guy when you meet him, until he reveals himself to be an insane little freak (affectionate), so giving him the most Average Height Possible feels correct.

Koth: However tall Lana is, Koth is exactly 2 cm shorter.

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk. I encourage spirited debate in the replies. Girl LI Height Opinions still percolating

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for reporting my neighbours for running a hack shop mechanic operation? [Long post, sorry!]

I live in a somewhat "bad" area. I really don't mean to judge people for who they are or what they do with their lives, but living here isn't pleasant. Unfortunately, the price divide between the "two sides" of my area is steep. You go from $60,000 houses to $400,000 houses with no middle ground, so moving isn't really an option unless I want to just change where I am in the "bad" side.

I live on a straight stretch of road, houses on one side of it, a wall on the other. This is relevant to the story. Its not a very long straight, but its straight, with two blind corners on either end.

Now, onto my neighbours. They're not good people. They deal and use drugs, there seems to be an endless supply of people moving in and out with them, they have uncontrolled and aggressive dogs that have caused issues in the area, they're known for fighting at maximum volume on the streets at 4am, they ride loud illegal (and stolen) bikes up and down the street at dangerous speeds and other things.

(With the latter, they've already caused two accidents, almost caused a lot more, and have already killed two animals by hitting them as they race up and down the street.)

Their latest thing, for the last year or so, seems to be running some kind of illegal workshop on bikes and vans right outside their house. At all hours. I've been woken up at 11pm and 4am before by insanely loud engine revving, and when I've looked out of the window they're on the street with torches, elbow-deep in engines.

This is a daily thing. And the engine revving seems to be a constant part of it. Even with my windows closed, I had to call off a work meeting once because it was so loud my team couldn't even hear me talking properly.

At least twice a day they have a van or motorcycle, sometimes more than one, that they're working on. They'll rev it a ton, rummage around, speed it up and down the street, then the cycle begins again the next day. Multiple people in my area have complained to them, but all they do is tell you to fuck off or threaten to beat you up.

Now the noise and the dangerous driving is one thing, but I'm also extremely dubious about the quality and safety of their so-called repairs. None of them seem to have any actual training in mechanics or how to properly fix what could be a legitimately dangerous issue in a vehicle.

If you know anything about vehicles you know that something "fixed" improperly can be deadly. If something fails in a vehicle when you're doing high speeds on the freeway, you can not only take your own life but possibly those of others, too.

And my neighbours do not seem like the kind of people who care about that.

I've seen them using duct-tape to fix up a motorcycle once.

Now normally, I've just turned a blind eye to anything happening in my area. The people who have been relocated due to their behavior have just been replaced by people equally as bad, if not worse, so I've learned to just stay in my lane, save my money and hope I can leave one day.

However this... Seems like something I should speak up about. I can respect a hustle and a little under the table income, but I cannot respect risking people's lives for some quick cash. Nor can I respect the fact that it triples the dangerous driving and dangerous people in the area.

So... My question is would I be an asshole if I at least tried to get the police to do something about this? Or, is it even worth it? Can anything be done about an unlicensed mechanics operation?

What are these acronyms?

[fritzmonorail]

For context, this is Logan in Peter Parker’s body.

Look at that devious fucking smile. Yet another absolute menace from the ultimate marvel universe.

What did you try to do, Logan?! WHAT “THING”DID YOU TRY TO DO?!!?

And the fact that he tried whatever it was he tried while inhabiting the body of another teenager. There’s nonconsent and then there’s whatever the hell this is. Double nonconsent?? WITH STATUTORY??!

And then there’s this

Which isn’t illegal, but it is something a total dick would do. But again it isn’t illegal until-

The man straight up, let Scott fall to his death, just so he could hook up with his widow. There are no depths to which he wont sink.

Scott was so ready to reach a new understanding and move forward and Logan was just like

“Nah”

[toomuchracket]

bday girl (birthday partyverse!matty)

day 2 of The Birthday Party Project, first birthday as a couple - yours! this is my og friends-to-lovers couple, who've already had a very successful time of it at a birthday party, trying to manage your big day a mere few months after getting together. very fluffy, and very suggestive (because this pair especially cannot keep their hands off each other). enjoy! p.s. the pic of matty isn't thematic to the story, other than being an indicator of the era it's set in, i just think it's very pretty lol <3

you're abruptly awoken by the tinny synthesised beeps emanating from your phone, informing you that someone wants to facetime you - something that should be illegal at this time in the morning (7am), you think. after flicking on the bedside lamp, you fumble to put your glasses on and pick up your phone, your irritation lessening rapidly when you see it's matty calling you. you tap the screen, and your boyfriend's handsome face fills it. he beams when he sees you, although you're sure you look ridiculous, all sleep-addled and askew. "happy birthday, darlin'! how'd you sleep?"

"terribly. s'not the same when you're not next to me. i miss you," you pout. "that, and i forgot how uncomfy this bed was. no wonder my back's fucked after sleeping on this for the entirety of my teenage years."

matty laughs as he wanders through what you recognise as his kitchen. "maybe you're just getting old. nah, i'm joking, babe, it's probably the bed."

"being mean to me on my birthday? you're evil, sweetheart," you say, rolling onto your front. "especially considering you couldn't make it up here with me today. but it's your loss, considering you didn't get to wake up to this, in a single bed."

at that, you balance the phone against the pillows and sit back on your knees, allowing your boyfriend an excellent view of your outfit - his mazzy star t-shirt, tight across your tits, and a pair of dark red panties. matty laughs then groans lightly, raking a hand through his curls. "fuck me, you're gorgeous. my fomo about not being with you just got a whole lot worse," he grins cheekily. "can i request you put on that exact outfit for me as soon as you get home?"

"yeah. but what about the eroticism of being pressed up against me wearing it in a single bed?"

"hmm, i suppose the couch will have to do. although i can't really spread you out there as i intend to, can i?"

"matthew."

your boyfriend giggles, although you both know he's being serious. his face softens, a wistfulness setting into those beautiful big brown eyes of his. "i really am sorry i couldn't come up to see your family with you, darlin'. s'shite that we're swamped with album promo right now. hate not being with my girl."

matty's words warm your aching heart (and "my girl" sends a burst of heat straight between your legs. muscle memory, you think - your boyfriend likes to say it when he's between them). "s'alright. what time d'you think you'll be done with work tonight? we could do phone sex!"

"i dunno, darlin', but i like the sound of that a lot. i'll text you," matty smiles. "and i expect texts from you today as well - wanna hear what you're up to celebrating, and you better send me outfit pics too. fuck knows i'll need to look at you being beautiful to get me through today."

you've known the man for the better part of a decade and been in a committed relationship with him for two full months; and yet, the constant casual compliments matty loves to shower you with never fail to both astound and arouse you. moving forward to lean on your stomach, you kick your legs back and forth behind you, giddy. "i can do that, yeah."

"god, you're so cute," matty sighs. his eyes flick upwards slightly, presumably to check the time on his screen, and fill with slight... dread, you'd describe it. "fuck. i'm so sorry, sweetheart, but i need to head to work now."

your turn to sigh. "don't worry, baby, we'll talk later. have a good day, yeah? i love you."

"love you too, angel. i'll speak to you soon. bye!"

you say a goodbye in response, and the call ends. for a few minutes, you do nothing but stare at the ceiling of your teenage bedroom and think about how much you wish matty was with you, then you roll yourself out of bed and get ready to spend a "nice day with your family", as your mum put it.

and it is a nice day, despite the longing for your boyfriend veiling it all. you open your presents over a fry up breakfast, dancing around the kitchen in excitement at the vintage barbie t-shirt your brother bought you. when you and your mum go into town, you spend ages in the bookshop you practically lived in as a uni student, glowing with pride when the staff ask you to sign a few copies of your books, and spend even longer in the shopping centre that opened after you left for london, trying and buying shoes and dresses and makeup products you probably don't even have room for in your flat. you head to meet the rest of your family for dinner in your favourite restaurant, your mum ordering a bottle of red wine for she and you to get stuck into while you wait for the others to show up. it makes you think of matty, and the longing for him worsens. you excuse yourself from the table after greeting your just-arrived cousin, sneaking out the front door of the restaurant.

when you're outside in the still-warm early evening air, you pull your phone from your handbag and check your texts. nothing from matty since four hours ago, when he responded to your summer-dress shopping mirror selfie with a compliment so risqué that it made your cheeks go intensely crimson and had your mum asking if you were ill. lovesick, maybe, unable to cope without seeing your boyfriend for two days maximum. you're briefly reminded of those couples at school who used to make out in the corridors before having one single class apart; the thought you might be anything like them makes you shudder, and swap your phone for the pack of cigarettes and lighter also in your handbag.

you've no sooner placed the unlit cig in your mouth when you hear a familiar voice from further down the street. "don't you fucking dare light that, sweetheart."

your heart skips, and your legs go to copy them when you turn to see matty, looking tired but heartbreakingly handsome as ever, walking towards you with your brother in tow. cig in one hand and lighter in the other, you run to your boyfriend, throwing your arms around his neck and legs around his waist as he picks you up in a tight embrace and spins you round. "what the fuck?! i thought you were at work," you say, hugging matty tightly as he puts you gently on the ground. you lean over his shoulder, pulling one arm free to point accusingly at your brother. "and you! did you know this was happening? you might've told me, you little shit."

the two of them laugh at you, matty kissing your forehead before he answers. "i was meant to be working, yeah, but we wrapped promo yesterday morning. texted your bro here to organise coming up to surprise you, and drove up today - as soon as we hung up this morning, i was in the car."

"you drove?! babe, that's like a seven-hour journey!" you gasp, pulling matty into you again. "you must be exhausted. christ."

"worth it," comes the reply, muffled by your hair. "there was no way i was missing your first birthday as my girlfriend, not a chance."

you place a delicate, chaste kiss to the underside of matty's jaw. "you're so fucking cute."

your brother makes a retching sound. "i'm gonna go inside before you pair traumatise me. don't spend too long kissing out here, please, you'll hold the food up."

you roll your eyes, but matty chuckles and extends a hand to your brother. "thanks for all your help, mate."

"no problem," your brother replies, as they fist bump. "it's for my own benefit, really - the last thing i want to hear is this one whining about you all day."

he smiles as matty laughs, and then leaves the two of you alone. matty waits until the front door of the restaurant closes before he turns to you. "i, on the other hand, definitely want to hear you whining about me all day. well, more 'whining because of me', but you get the gist."

"oh my god, stop it."

"sorry, baby," matty grins, kissing you languidly. "can you blame me, though, after that outfit from this morning and the dress you tried on? it's taking everything in me not to drag you into that single bed right now."

you twirl your fingers into the curls at the nape of his neck just the way you know matty likes it, looking at him up through your eyelashes. "i think you should do that."

matty's breath hitches, before he takes a deep one and composes himself. "can't - there's a whole family of yours in there that i need to play 'wholesome, charming boyfriend' to, first. but after that, darlin', i'll take you home and be as dirty as you want me to be, alright?"

"i... i love you."

"i love you too, sweetheart. happy birthday."

[storiesofsvu]

A Dangerous Game Ch 18

Emily Prentiss x reader Warnings: language, major alcohol consumption, more terrible coping skills, toxic exes, usual case work.

The next morning in DC was a bit of a whirlwind and Emily was kicking herself for sending the majority of her team off in the field, although the Dewald case was more of a need to know situation at this point. Her and Rossi, along with Will’s team and a SWAT team burst into both the warehouse and apartment Garcia had tracked down promptly at nine am. They found someone in the apartment, but it wasn’t Dewald, a potential new accomplice that they promptly brought in for questioning. They searched through the entire space, bagging up a couple of tablets, a laptop and a burner phone for Garcia to crack through. Over at the warehouse they found most of the more illegal stuff, a second laptop, surveillance equipment, souvenirs from previous killings, a fishing knife kit and a crate with two (thankfully alive) cats.

While it wasn’t as successful as Emily had been hoping, she knew that Garcia would be able to work her magic and find something that would lead them straight to him on the electronics. She gave the order to get everything over to the BAU asap so they could start searching.

*

Across the country you and Derek buckled up for another day of hell, him insisting that you at least get half a bagel into your stomach. You only agreed because he was withholding caffeine until you did so, grumbling as you finally got into the car. Shortly after lunch you were sent a blessing and Skylar was called away to an arraignment and you were finally able to slip from under her thumb and actually get some time out in the field following a couple of leads that had popped up that morning.

The next five days went on just like that while you continued to work the case. Derek watched as you struggled to continue treading water, barely managing to keep yourself above the surface. Skylar just got more and more under your skin with each moment you were forced to spend around her. Your resolve had started to crumble, where you once would get fiery, fight back, you started to just submit, agree that she was right, apologize and move onto something else. She somehow managed to corner you at least once a day if not more, catching you alone in an attempt to persuade you into dinner or drinks.

You knew the only reason you could still breathe was because Derek was being your life preserver, managing to slip into conversation, shutting down Skylar’s moves. Managing to track you down, saying your phone was ringing, or that he’d found something, or even that it was just time to go for the day. He let you have your space, alternating his running times from yours so you’d have some time in the hotel room to yourself, knowing each time he returned by the redness in your eyes you’d been crying. He never once scolded you or shamed you, never tried to wrestle a cigarette from your fingers or force you to leave the hotel bar. He was simply just there, making sure you were still afloat.

The two of you had managed to escape the precinct for lunch on Friday, Derek trusting your choice of a local diner that had been one of your favourite spots when you lived there. He was relieved when you were actually eating the burger you’d ordered, rather than just picking at the fries. Conversation was limited, mainly shooting ideas back and forth about the unsub, but you were finally perking up being away from Skylar and knowing you were close to closing your case. An alert in his phone went off, he glanced toward it and smiled before swiping it away.

“Savannah?” You asked over a bite of food.

“Nah, well, kinda. I have flowers delivered to her apartment every Friday, just the delivery notification.”

“Gross.” You groaned, rolling your eyes and he laughed.

“Hey, I never asked about the date with Maya, that was what? Two weeks ago? How’d it go?”

“Ugh…” you dropped your head into your hands, running them over your face.

“That bad?”

“No.” You huffed. It wasn’t Maya, and honestly the rest of that Friday had been wonderful. It was the aftermath in the following couple of days that seemed to all start that night. The last Friday you’d spent with Emily, the following one she’d sent you across the country. Thanks to your lack of sleep and focussing on the case, you hadn’t even realized it was Friday until Derek brought it up, “she was fine, cute, nice, we just didn’t mesh. And the restaurant? Geeze! Way too fancy.” Derek chuckled.

“I always tell her she goes too big on the first date.”

“Yeah? You should tell her to let her dates order for themselves.”

“Oh god.” He winced, “I thought she’d stopped doing that. She just likes to try and impress.”

“Not my style.”

“Noted.” He grinned at you and you rolled your eyes.

“If you’re about to say something about next time, I will shoot you right here in this booth.”

“Okay, okay.” He surrendered.

Your phone started buzzing on the table top and both your eyes glanced toward it as you reached for it, the conversation was brief and Derek watched your body tense while your free hand dug out your wallet before hanging up and turning to him.

“They spotted our guy, we’ve gotta go.”

*

That evening a very tired Derek returned to the hotel room, taking advantage of the alone time to soak in the shower and relish in the fact that you’d caught the unsub. It was only a matter of last minute paperwork in the morning before you could head back home. He tossed on some pyjamas, flicking on the tv as he cracked one of the beers he’d picked up on his way back. Settling against the headboard he got comfortable, picking up his phone and scrolling mindlessly for a bit, chatting with Savannah and the promise of weekend plans once he was home. End credits of the movie that had been playing began to roll across the screen and he shook out of his trance, picking up his phone again to dial Emily’s number.

“Prentiss.”

“Hey, sorry it’s late.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m still at the office.”

“You get your guy?”

“Unfortunately no.” She sighed, “Will’s got guys monitoring traffic cams, Garcia and I are going through mountains of tech we found during the raid. Wouldn’t be surprised if we’re here all night. You get your guy?”

“Yeah. Wilson did one hell of a job talking him down, I was impressed.”

“Can I talk to her for a sec?”

“She’s not here.” He replied and Emily sighed into the phone.

“You know, for an FBI agent she sure runs a lot at night.”

“Easier to clear your head before bed.” Derek offered with a chuckle, “but she’s uh… she’s out with Carver.”

“What?! Morgan! I told you to”—

“I know, I know. Carver’s been pestering her all fucking week about it, coffee, drinks, dinner, lunch, letting her drive her back to the hotel. It’s been a lot of pressure. Wilson said something to me about trying to distract herself cause it was Friday and then said to her, and I quote ‘if I say yes to one fucking drink will you leave me the fuck alone?’ She’s probably already back downstairs at the hotel bar.”

“Okay.” She let out a weary breath, “tell her I said good job when you see her? She hasn’t picked up her phone all week.”

“Yeah she thinks you’re still pissed about her little field trip.”

“I figured. Thanks for keeping an eye on her, I’ll see you guys Monday.”

“Yeah. Night.”

“Night.”

Emily hung up the phone with a groan, pocketing it and picking up the two mugs on the counter in front of her before winding her way through the halls of the BAU until she was entering Penelope’s bat cave.

“What can I help with?”

“You’re still here?” The blonde turned in her chair, a surprised expression on her face as she accepted the coffee.

“May as well distract myself with work.”

“Hey… just cause we didn’t catch him today doesn’t mean he got away. He’s still in the city, we’ve just gotta figure out where.”

“It’s not that.”

“What’s up buttercup? Derek said their case was an easy close.” Her head tilted in Emily’s direction who let out a sigh over the rim of her cup, choosing to ignore the blonde as she picked up a case file. Penelope let the silence take over, returning to the deep dive she was doing through Dewald’s phones. Three minutes later Emily finally spoke.

“Wilson’s out with her ex….”

“Okay, so?” Garcia raised a brow, “they’re out for a drink. Carver’s a toxic pos who hurt her like hell, who lives all the way across the country, and you my fine furry friend, live right here in DC. There’s a pretty big bonus in your column and some very large cons in hers. It’s one night, if they sleep together, they sleep together.”

“I don’t want them sleeping together!” Emily absolutely was jealous, she knew she was jealous, she could feel the burning in her gut, the similar burning that had been there all week, causing her one hell of an acid reflux flare up. And by the look on Penelope’s face, she knew it too.

“Hmm… looks like you’re finally admitting it to yourself. You know denial’s not a good colour on you.”

“I hate you sometimes, you know that?”

“You love me.” She grinned, leaning in to kiss the other woman’s forehead.

“Get back to work.” Emily scolded, pushing Penelope’s chair so she rolled back to her workspace with a small giggle.

“Alright boss.”

*

It was nearly one thirty when Derek heard something thump against the hotel room door, a slight fumbling of the door knob before the lock finally beeped and you tumbled into the room. You teetered a bit as you shoved off your shoes, dropping your coat and bag down onto a chair with a hiccup as you struggled to get your phone out of your purse.

“Must’ve been one strong drink.” He teased from his spot on the bed and in your attempt to spin around and scowl at him you toppled to the side, tripping over one of your shoes and landing with a ‘humph’ half on his bed half on the floor. “Okay baby girl, let’s get you sorted.”

He slipped off the bed with no worry, wrapping a secure arm around you and guiding you to the edge of your bed. He grabbed a make up wipe from the basin and you grumbled, tossing it to the ground with a pout and he huffed, shaking his head.

“Alright, leave it on. You wanna change or no?”

“Jus lemme sleep…” you slurred, avoiding his gaze as you looked to the floor and he could see your shoulders slumping already and was pretty sure it wasn’t from the alcohol.

“Well you’re gonna be uncomfortable enough in the morning, can we at least get you out of your jeans?” He asked and when you looked up you stuck your tongue out at him,

“Pfffffffttt.”

“Fine, you leave ‘em on.”

“No.” You whined, fingers fumbling with your belt before you huffed loudly looking back up at him, “help?”

He couldn’t ignore the misting of tears in your eyes, pausing a moment before talking you through what he was going to do, not wanting you to freak out any further. The moment the denim was kicked off your legs you crawled your way up the bed and shoved yourself under the blankets. He turned to the mini fridge,

“Hey,” he nudged at your shoulder, “drink some water for me, please?”

You grumbled at him in response, only taking the bottle after he’d raised a brow in your direction to take a couple of smaller sips before tossing it to the nightstand and flicking off that light. You shifted under the covers, pulling them up to your chin and rolling onto your side like every other night, your back to Derek. The tv was still on, but he turned the volume down, his eyes drifting between it and you.

It started out as small sniffles, shaky breaths as you tried to hide it from him, if you hadn’t been so drunk you would’ve been incredibly embarrassed and likely tried to go hide in the washroom. But your sorrow had you paralyzed to the spot, unable to feel anything but the tears running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold it in, a wavering gasp forcing its way through your lips and that was the breaking of any resolve you had. A moment later and you felt the bed shift with Derek’s weight, cold air on your back as he shifted the covers, sinking in behind you and wrapping his body around yours, tucking you under his chin.

“Roll over.” He urged gently, nudging at your shoulder until you did, knowing he wasn’t going to move until you did. He tucked you into the crook of his neck as you cried, kissing the top of your head.

“You…” you hiccupped “yo have a girlfrien.”

“And you don’t like dick. She won’t care.” He murmured, one of his hands reassuringly rubbing at your back, feeling you nestle closer to him, “you need to let it out. It’ll be okay, I promise princess.” He was surprised when his reassuring resulted in a louder cry from you, your body shaking in his arms.

“Don call me that… please.”

“Okay, okay, sorry sweetheart.” He squeezed at you softly.

“She… she usta call me that.” You cried, struggling over your slurred words, “an’ now she hates me! She hates me… and I.. I... can’t stop loving her.”

“Skylar?”

“No!” You half coughed half hiccupped and he pulled back a bit, worried that you might be about to throw up. You glanced up at him, tears pooling in your reddened eyes, mascara streaked down your cheeks, “Emily…” you sobbed again, burying yourself into his chest, “thought… she cared.” You shook against him, “an’ she broke me. But.. but I still love her. M’so stupid.”

You collapsed against him and the bed, cries muffled by the pillows as your body continued to tremble and Derek let out a sigh, holding your tighter to him. A sense of realization washed over him, he’d been right about it not just being work, but there being some kind of crossover between the two issues. He pressed another kiss to the top of your head, rubbing at your back as your cries started to get quieter until you’d finally sobbed yourself to sleep.

*

Emily had fallen asleep, her head in her arms on Penelope’s desk when her phone buzzed once, then twice, then a third time and she finally roused from her slumber. She picked up the device, squinting at it while she blinked to be able to read the screen.

“They find something?”

“No. It’s my doorbell cam.”

“You live in an apartment.” The blonde replied with a chuckle.

“Yeah, the super let it slide considering I’m FBI. I installed one over the buzzer.” Suddenly her phone began ringing and she nearly jumped, fully waking up, “Oh my god! Its him!”

“What?!” Penelope jumped into action, her fingers dialing DC local pd’s number.

“It makes sense, he’s been outside my place every Friday for months.”

“So go!” The blonde urged her, it was far too early to really be able to function, especially considering they’d been at it all night but someone at DC metro would be ready to go, and this was their prime time.

*

Derek woke up to a cold bed, which at first made sense so he just rolled over. Then he heard the sound of you gagging, followed by a cry before the very clear sound of you puking. When it didn’t stop he slipped from under the covers to go check on you.

You were hunched over the toilet bowl, feeling like absolute garbage, physically and emotionally. The guilt and embarrassment from last night was strong enough on its own without the pounding headache, churning stomach and overall shakiness. You felt something cold rub against your shoulder before a bottle of Gatorade came into your peripheral vision and you realized you hadn’t closed the door.

“So much for one drink.” Derek’s teased, “cause I know you’re not pregnant.”

“Ha-ha.” You replied dryly, barely able to glance up at him before you vomited again. Coughing a bit, you spat into the toilet, your stomach seemed to slowly be calming down, that, and you didn’t have much left to throw up.

“What happened?” Derek asked, settling on the side of the bath tub.

“Fucking Skylar.” You muttered, staying perched over the toilet bowl just in case, “supposed to split a jug of sangria. Bitch did what she always did, nursed her glass and a half while continually topping up mine while I wasn’t looking, add in a couple of tequila shots….”

“You with her all night?” He asked and you finally leant back, shooting him a glare while you snatched the Gatorade.

“No.” Cracking open the bottle you took a couple of sips, “I had enough sense to get out of there but she followed me out when I was waiting for the cab.” You sighed, cautiously drinking some more of the drink as your resolve started to waver, “and then she kissed me. And I fucking let her. Like some idiot who didn’t remember what she did all those years ago. But I was already drunk, and all I could think about was how they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else but that’s basically impossible. Then I felt so fucking guilty about the kiss I was downstairs drinking til they cut me off.”

You stomach flip flopped again and you lurched forward, vomiting again, this time you continued gagging until it was nothing but stomach acid. You felt Derek’s hand coming to rub circles on your back, calming your trembling body, somehow helping the spins slow down.

“You know, this is why Savannah and I do our best not to talk work, once you start mixing church and state things get messy. Just talk to Prentiss, open communication and try not to sulk around the house too much.”

“Who said anything about Prentiss?” You groaned, slowly sitting back, leaning against the wall behind you, side eyeing the Gatorade, wondering if it could be trusted yet.

“You did. Last night.” He replied and you risked a glance up at him, “listen, I’m not one to usually bring up things people say when they’re that drunk, but you need to talk this out with someone. You’re hurting. And I’m worried. Why do you think she hates you so much?”

You let out a sigh, rolling your head so you were looking up at him, surveying him for a moment as if you were wondering if you could trust him. Scooping up the Gatorade you distracted yourself with a tiny sip.

“The night she kicked me off the case, she told me to come over. I thought I was walking into an apology, a conversation about moving forward with our relationship and instead she had a whole lot of yelling to do and dumped me. If you can even call it that, we weren’t even technically together.”

“What’d you mean by that?” He asked and you sighed again.

“I can’t believe I’m telling you this.” You muttered, “and you are sworn to fucking secrecy, you cannot tell anyone.”

“Promise.” He raised a finger, drawing an x over his heart.

“We met at a bar the night before I started at the BAU. No work talk, no last names, just fun. When I woke up in the morning she was already gone.”

“Must’ve been one hell of a surprise when you got to work.” He smirked and you scowled at him.

“We knew we couldn’t do it again so we resolved to just be friends, but that didn’t last long. Trips out of town meant rooming together, one thing lead to another and we created this unspoken rule that if we were out of town it didn’t count.”

“Didn’t you guys disappear from Rossi’s together?”

“Yeah. And there wasn’t a case, obviously. I spent the whole weekend at her place, we figured being friends with benefits wasn’t so bad, it wouldn’t affect work.”

“But you were both lying to yourselves.”

“Obviously.” You groaned, taking a sip of Gatorade. “Then you set me up with Maya and it kinda all clicked. I didn’t enjoy the date because she wasn’t Emily. Who, admitted she was jealous and I thought we were good, but there was something off about her that weekend, she got freaked out, cold feet, and that was two weeks ago.”

Derek paused, letting you have a moment to yourself as a tear escaped the corner of your eye and you swiped it away, sniffling softly.

“Do you really love her?” He asked quietly, and you nodded.

“Yeah… and she doesn’t want me around. Probably waiting for me to hand in transfer papers. Oh god…” you hiccupped again, launching forward as you started to puke once more.

“You need a break, a vacation, away from nasty exes.” He rubbed at your back when his phone pinged, moving around you in a half hug motion, dropping a kiss to the top of your head, “and I know whatever mean things she said to you were in the moment and not true. Try to stop dwelling on them, even though I know they probably hurt like hell. I’ve gotta go into the precinct.”

“Yeah.” You groaned, “just give me five.”

“Oh no baby girl.” He chuckled, “it’s just wrap up paperwork. You stay here, try to get some sleep, I’ll pick you up on the way to the jet.”

“You’re a lifesaver.” You muttered, doing your best not to heave as you smiled in his direction before he disappeared from the bathroom.

*

As he thought, a few extra hours of sleep (even if half of it was on the bathroom floor) helped your physical well being. You were still a little shaky as you got on the jet, but you were at least keeping down the water and saltines. You let out a little humph as you crossed your arms, leaning back in the chair you were in, glaring at Derek as he sprawled out on the couch. He let out a little chuckle, knowing why you were grumpy,

“You can sleep perfectly fine in the chairs too.”

“Couch is comfier.” You countered and he laughed again.

“If you were sick I’d give it up, but this is self inflicted, your loss.”

You huffed, pausing for a moment until a wicked grin took over your lips, “remember when you asked about the mile high club?”

“Yeah?” He raised a curious brow in your direction.

“Emily fucked me right where you’re sitting.”

Derek scrambled up off the couch, throwing a pillow in your direction with a disturbed look on his face.

“We both know they don’t detail the jet that often!” He yelped and you took the opportunity to scurry across the jet to take over the couch.

Derek would have been more offended as he settled into the chair you’d been in, but it was the first time all week he’d seen you genuinely smile. The laugh echoing through the air, your lips in a wide grin as you curled up under a blanket on the couch and he began to laugh too, more than happy to see you smiling again.

____________

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[gloomy0x0phantom]

Straw Hat Pirates ☆ Sexuality, relationship

Hi there! It's my first time posting a headcanon, I'm so nervous! English is not my first language, I use a translator, so don't hesitate to correct me and if you like what I write, I'd love a little comment~ ✧ these headcanons are related to the manga/anime. I have different headcanons for x readers (●'◡'●)

tw : mention of sex, genital, masturbation

Monkey D. Luffy ☆ Demisexual

✧ At first, I wrote that Luffy is an aromatic asexual, but after finishing his part, I realized it didn't work. I was thinking he is clueless all the time, that he had no interest in sex, borderline disgusted by it, but... no? ✧ Luffy loves sex, he just hasn't discovered it yet! ✧ Unsurprisingly, he's never been in a relationship and isn't looking for one. He's married to the adventure and the one piece ✧ Luffy is completely lost when it comes to love, romance, sex, relationships... Don't get me wrong, in friendship he's the best friend you could ever wish to have, but being in love with him is a real pain in the ass. Boa Hancock is the proof, poor thing. At the same time, falling in love with a 17-year-old when she was 29, uh... that's her problem. ✧ Chopper and Robin tried to explain the whole act of lovemaking, how babies are created, why he sometimes wakes up with an erection - in short, the basics of attraction, sex and hormones. It was a failure. Luffy understands the words spoken to him, but is unable to see why it concerns him. My boi feels nothing 99.9% of the time. ✧ Chopper wanted to continue the conversation, but Robin suddenly realised what was going on. "Luffy, when you see breasts or a penis, muscles and butts, does your body get hot? Does it make you feel very happy and excited?" "Nah." ✧ The whole crew "knows" his sexuality, they all think Luffy is asexual, but it's not their fault, even him thinks he's completely asexual. ✧ He doesn't jerk off. He's more excited about the One Piece than naked humans and I totally get it. ✧ When the Straw Hats talk about love and potential future partners, it bores their captain to no end. People have tried to figure out what Luffy is looking for in a partner, but it's all a blur to him. ✧ Luffy is passionate, he always gives his all in everything he does, he's ready to die for his dream and his friends, he prioritizes the One Piece and his crew. He wants a partner who's like him and shares the same values. And who can cook!

Roronoa Zoro ☆ Demisexual, gay

✧ Zoro knows he's gay, but he doesn't know he's demisexual. ✧ To be honest, Zoro doesn't know when he discovered his sexuality. He's always had a thing for strong spirits, bodies shaped by hours of training, solid values and someone who can take care of themselves in a fight. A woman can very well have these traits, but they're not the ones who capture the swordsman's attention. ✧ Zoro is not familiar with the various terms of the LGBTQ+ community, pronouns, gender, it's a very abstract concept to him and above all, useless. He doesn't understand why people try to put a label on their foreheads and put themselves in a box. You're straight? Ok. You're gay? Cool. You were born in a man's body, but you're a woman? All right. He doesn't give a shit what you've got between your legs or what you like (unless it's illegal). ✧ It's no secret that he's gay, but he doesn't talk about it openly. He embraces who he is, but he doesn't want to discuss it. What he likes and what he wants is nobody's business but his own. ✧ He's never expressed his orientation and preferences out loud, but he's sure Nami, Robin, Brook and Franky know. ✧ He's never been in a relationship. ✧ He had two one-night stands, only to discover that it wasn't enjoyable. Yes, the act itself was okay, only because he was emptying his balls into a hole and not into his hand, but the experience was never fun enough to make him want to do it again. ✧ When he fucked strangers, Zoro felt disconnected from the act. His body moved, but his head was empty, as if he were on autopilot. He wanted it to be over as quickly as possible and to leave without ever seeing the man again. After what he considers two failures, Zoro has simply crossed the possibility of sleeping with a stranger off his list. ✧ He knows he'd like a partner who knows him from A to Z. He doesn't want to waste his time with someone who might drop him after a few years. ✧ Zoro doesn't consider himself a romantic, but... ideally... in a perfect world... he'd like to find his soulmate and die by his side.

Nami ☆ Lesbian

✧ I'm sorry, but this girl NEVER liked men. ✧ She was the little girl who didn't want to play with baby dolls and was disgusted by the idea of marrying a boy. "Boy? ew!!!" ✧ When she lost her mother and joined Arlong, her hatred for men increased x1000. From then on, she was surrounded by men 24/7, and subconsciously, the words pirates and men became linked. Luckily, Luffy arrived and helped Nami out of her predicament. But strangely enough, her distaste for men never went away. Her prejudices are still as strong. ✧ It's silly, but Nami is the kind of person who realized her sexuality one night before bed. Like, "Oh. I like chicks. Cool." and fell asleep without ever thinking about it again. ✧ She accepts her love for women, but she does NOT want the world to know. Her friends ok, but their allies, the government and their enemies? Nop nop nop. ✧ Anything to do with her person, she prefers to keep a mystery. Why ? Because she doesn't want this information to be treated as a weakness. ✧ Nami is terrified of love. ✧ One day, she'd like to abandon herself in a woman's arms and experience true love, but she doesn't want to relive what happened with her mother. Losing someone dear to her, Nami doesn't think she could survive this misfortune a second time. ✧ As soon as Nami senses that she's developing a crush, she goes into sabotage mode and ends the relationship, forcing herself to forget her feelings, regardless of whether it hurts or not. It's her way of protecting her heart, but also the other person. ✧ She's the most sensitive of the crew and probably the one who'll suffer the most in terms of love. ✧ Her knees go weak when she meets a warm, maternal, smiling, strong and loyal woman. ✧ Nojiko suspects that her sister is a lesbian, but they've never discussed it. Nami is afraid her sister won't accept her, even though she knows it's totally ridiculous and that Nojiko only wants her happiness. ✧ Gazing at the stars one night, Nami opened up to Vivi and confessed her secret. Vivi reassured her that her confidence would be safe, and not to worry about her secret seeing the light of day. Vivi admits that she has never kissed anyone else. They shared a sweet kiss under the moon, their first, but not their last. ✧ Nami had hoped Vivi would stay with the Straw Hat crew, but... she's a princess and her kingdom needs her. Nami didn't allow herself to deal with the separation properly; she felt stupid for falling for a princess. ✧ While she was secretly crying one evening, Usopp joined her and comforted her, even though he didn't know why she was sad. He suspected it had something to do with Vivi, and he was right. After a long hour of silence and tears, Nami explained the situation to Usopp, who gave her a big hug. He explained that he understood how she felt, that leaving Kaya so suddenly had affected him and that he still missed her every day. Then that he felt foolish for falling for a girl so smart and rich, when he's nothing compared to her... After that moment, Nami and Usopp grew closer and share a unique bond.

Usopp ☆ Kayasexual Heterosexual

✧ This man has never questioned his sexuality. He loves women and he knows it, he's never doubted it. ✧ He's so comfortable with his orientation that he's not afraid to kiss and cuddle his best friends. ✧ TIME SPENT WITH THE BOYS IS IMPORTANT AND TREASURED. ✧ You know that person who is always touching his friends ass, and is borderline intimate with them, but 100% straight? Yeah, that's Usopp. ✧ He loves to piss Sanji off by kissing his cheeks and complimenting him in a very unsubtle way. "Oh Sanji, can you open this pickle jar with your so muscular arms?" "Oh you're so strong, so sexy, what would I do to have a brave knight like you?" "Oh no Sanji, I'm stuck, can you help me please? 🥺" Sanji hates him. ✧ He's never been in a relationship, but he's in love with Kaya. ✧ When he left Syrup Village, he thought he only loved her as a friend, but with distance and time... he realized that his feelings were a little stronger than friendship. He doesn't know if she loves him back and he thinks about it at least twice a day. Nami tried to reassure him, even though she's not 100% sure if the girl likes him, but how do you comfort a big scaredy-cat like Usopp? It's an impossible task. ✧ He's a virgin and he's not afraid to say it, he considers it nothing to be ashamed of. On the other hand, he masturbates whenever the opportunity arises, which he's a ashamed. He fantasizes about the day when Kaya and he will be reunited, their wedding, generally cute and intimate scenarios, he feels too guilty to imagine any other woman. ✧ Even if the chance presents itself to sleep with someone, he doesn't want to. He's saving himself for Kaya. ✧ If Kaya meets another man or doesn't share Usopp's feelings, he'll suffer for years. Please, he's pathetic and unable to move on. And rebuild his self-esteem? I swear, he'd rather die than live that reality. ✧ Usopp lies constantly, so when people ask him who Kaya is, oh boy, his description sounds downright like a lie, but it's not. He described her as a beautiful goddess straight from heaven, a delicate blonde with the most beautiful smile, a heart of gold, a perfect body... you and I both know that's no lie.

Sanji ☆ Bisexual (doesn’t accept it yet)

✧ I wrote Sanji last because oh boy, he's a disaster. I must point out that I'm in Dressrosa in the manga. So anything to do with Sanji's childhood, I don't talk about it.  ✧ We all know that Sanji loves women, it's not even a question. ✧ But men, hmm? hmmmmmm ? ✧ Sanji has always been a woman's man, admiring them from near and far, respecting them (while being a huge pervert) and dreaming of being stepped on by them. ✧ He's said to be in love with all the beautiful women in the world, but he's a little unsettled when a woman reciprocates his feelings. When a woman loves him back, he is almost... disappointed. He doesn't know how to react, so he goes with the flow and continues to compliment the woman in question, but deep down he feels awfully empty. This emptiness is made up of doubt, disappointment, fear and incomprehension. ✧ Does she really love me? No, she can't. She doesn't. I don't love her. I can't offer her what she's looking for, she can't satisfy all my needs. She only returns my feelings because I've made her believe I love her, but I don't. She's beautiful, but she hasn't got my heart, she's not for me. We're not compatible, what I feel for her isn't real, it's just a bunch of lies. She'll suffer with me, I might lose her, I'll suffer and she'll lose me. ✧ When he worked at Baratie, Sanji slept with a few women after closing time. All were pleasurable and positive experiences, but purely carnal. ✧ One evening, while he was a waiter, a young lady responded positively to his advances and a few hours later, they ended up kissing in a hallway. After a long make-out session, the woman gently pushed Sanji away. "Before we continue, I must warn you, I..." "Yes, ma douce?" (my sweet) After a moment's hesitation, Sanji noticed that the woman was lost in thought and didn't look well. "We can stop if you-" She took Sanji's hand and placed it on her crotch, where Sanji could clearly feel an erection. Surprise flashed across the blond's eyes and for a moment, his brain shut down. Seeing the cook's lack of response, the woman was hurt and tried to push him away, before he tackled her against a wall and kissed her forcefully, but passionately. His hand continued to caress the erection without thinking too much about the implication. He has a dick too, so... it shouldn't be much different, should it? The evening was perfect and left Sanji with many questions, but also a feeling of satisfaction. ✧ After this one-night stand, Sanji began to question his sexual preferences and became curious. If he enjoyed sleeping with a trans woman, would he enjoy sleeping with a... no. No, no and no. Impossible. Men are disgusting compared to women... but... ✧ To confirm his doubt, he slept with a man and didn't like the experience... Okay that's a lie, he loved it. All the new sensations he felt, he couldn't forget. But he told himself that it was probably an exception, that he'd had too much to drink (he hadn't) and that, in short, he was never going to sleep with a man again. Once again, a lie. ✧ When Sanji joined the Straw Hat Pirates, he didn't have the opportunity to sleep around like at the Baratie, but his existential crisis didn't stop. ✧ He couldn't help noticing Zoro working out. His muscles, his smell, his sweat… Usopp's hair, his long fingers, his back… Franky's speedo, his hairy legs, his abs… ✧ He was able to keep a low profile and not overly observe the other men in the crew, but after the timeskip? Not only had Nami and Robin become even more beautiful, but the men? More muscles, more hormones! ✧ Then his time on Momoiro Island only confused him even more about his sexuality... ✧ Deep down, Sanji loves men as much as women, but he hopes no one knows. ✧ Zoro knows it, Nami, Usopp, Brook, Franky and Robin suspect it.

Tony Tony Chopper ☆ Heterosexual

✧ Chopper loves reindeer women! ✧ Of all the members of the group, Chopper was the only one to forbid himself to think about love. He thought that love wasn't for a monster like him. He accepts his physique and his identity, but being surrounded by humans has led him to believe that he couldn't have a girlfriend, that it was an absurd idea. ✧ As Chopper traveled the oceans with the Straw Hat Pirates, he was relieved to meet people like himself! He didn't believe that hybrids existed outside his case, after all, he'd eaten a devil's fruit and those can't be duplicated. ✧ Zou is his paradise. ✧ Unfortunately I don't have much to say for our favorite doctor, he's a teenager and he likes women. But I can talk about his future! ✧ Have you seen his 40/60 year old design??? GORGEOUS. ✧ When the One Piece will be found and the crew will split up, Chopper will return to Zou and become a guardian. I sincerely believe this is the only place where he will be 100% himself and at peace with his animal side. In Zou, he'll be able to find a girlfriend. ✧ Chopper will have no trouble courting his future partner: he's delicate and takes great care of his loved ones, so it's impossible not to be charmed by him. However, he will have a hard time accepting attention and compliments in return. He will need to work on his lack of confidence. ✧ He is loyal and is looking for a partner who will support his profession, as well as help him manage his time so he doesn't end up like Law (workaholic).

Nico Robin ☆ Fictosexual

✧ ONE OF US, ONE OF US, ONE OF- ✧ Robin's childhood was tragic; the poor girl never had the chance to play with other children, to think like a child... to be a child! All her traumas prevented her from developing healthy relationships, until the arrival of Luffy. In her solitude, books were the only thing that made her feel a little human, a little alive. For a moment, Robin could put herself in the hero's shoes and escape into an imaginary world. By always turning to fantasy, Robin developed an attraction to fictional characters. ✧ Female, male, gender-neutral, cyborg? She has no preference, as long as they don't exist in the real world. ✧ Speaking of cyborgs, Robin has a soft spot for Franky, simply because he looks like something out of a book. His looks, his walk, his creations... how can you not be hooked on this robot? ✧ As shown in the anime, Robin has a great imagination! It wouldn't surprise me if she was also on the maladaptive daydreaming team. Before falling asleep, her mind is filled with romantic scenarios, often linked to the novel she's reading at the time. ✧ As much as she would like to have a partner, she finds it hard to imagine sharing her life with another person in a romantic and sexual way. ✧ On the other hand, she can imagine herself living with a partner in a platonic and friendly way, a bit like with her crew. ✧ After so many years of idealizing fictional characters, Robin has convinced herself that no one is worthy of her love, and vice versa. How can she satisfy a partner's needs if she's so broken inside? She's capable of taking care of her friends, but intimate love is an area that frightens her. ✧ Even if she thinks she's satisfied with her sexuality, deep down Robin would like to find a partner who will make her live a fairy tale... ✧ Her power allows her to masturbate in a unique way; she doesn't feel the need to have an unknown body pressing against hers to be satisfied and fulfilled. ✧ Nami is the only one on the boat who knows about this part of Robin. She was unaware of the existence of this type of sexuality and had a little difficulty assimilating the information, but after a long conversation with her precious friend, she now understands and accepts this orientation!

Franky ☆ Aromantic asexual

✧ Franky isn't interested in romance or sex. ✧ He doesn't want to be in a relationship, and can imagine himself spending the rest of his life alone... with his friends! ✧ In the past, he's tried to have crushes, because everyone has them, because it's normal, because it's the norm... right? ✧ He never felt embarrassed by his lack of interest in sex, until those around him started laughing at him in a friendly way. Little did they know that these jokes were tormenting the teenager. After a few tries with girlfriends, he found out that he was never able to reciprocate his partners' feelings. ✧ When he nearly died and became a cyborg to survive, Franky stopped wondering about his orientation and stopped looking for a girlfriend. It's a waste of time. Why would he waste his time courting people just to fit in? And since when has he tried to be like everyone else? Franky is unique and he knows it. ✧ Since that day, Franky has put an end to his search and decided to embrace the person he really is. ✧ Although his sexuality goes against the majority of the population, Franky is good at helping his friends when they have love problems! He's like the father of the crew; when someone's not feeling well emotionally, they can count on Franky, his dad jokes and his warm energy. ✧ Franky sees his orientation as a strength, because unlike the others, fighting a woman in a bikini or an undressed man does nothing for him. ✧ When Franky started modifying his body in extreme ways, he didn't need to think about what he was going to do with his crotch. His private parts are intact, but nothing is connected, so his body can't react. ✧ … but also I imagine him to be heterosexual, who loves sex (super romantic) and HIMBO.

Brook ☆ Asexual, heterosexual

✧ My boi is dead, he can’t feel shit… most of the time. ✧ During his lifetime, Brook was very active! He was a great charmer and liked to share his nights with different ladies. He slept with a man once and it wasn't his cup of tea. This skeleton is open-minded! ✧ His life as a pirate kept him away from settling down and start a family. He planned to end his days in peace with a beautiful wife, children and Laboon, but as you know, death caught up with him. ✧ After his death, his sexual attraction disappeared. Without organs and blood, it's hard to feel anything in the crotch area. But but but but! His love for women never left him. ✧ During the timeskip, Brook was blessed by the presence of groupies to keep him company. He felt valued and happy to have beautiful ladies by his side. He couldn't please them the way he would have liked, but he discovered that he didn't need his dick to get pleasure. ✧ That's right, Brook has discovered that he LOVES to satisfy his partners with his hands, fingers, femur, objects... if you know what I mean. If you want, I'll elaborate in a nsfw headcanon ~ ✧ Although he can't get a boner, Brook is able to get nosebleeds and feel heat in his bones. It's a strange experience to know that he's mentally aroused by certain things, like panties, but feeling empty. It's like a phantom pain. ✧ For the time being, Brook has no desire to be in a relationship. He'll wait until the end of the adventure, go back on tour and when that day comes, he'll allow himself to think about finding a serious partner. ✧ I imagine him becoming a sort of sugar daddy, showering his sugar baby with money and offering her everything she wants. In exchange for a little love and cuddles, of course!

[gigisafeplace]

Assclass Incorrect Quotes

Gakuhou: What are you drinking?

Gakushuu: Vodka.

Gakuhou: Straight?

Gakushuu: No, gay. Why?

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Gakuhou: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.

Gakushuu: Heck.

Gakuhou: You're on thin fucking ice.

Gakuhou: Oh no-

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Koro-sensei: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*

Koro-sensei: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

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Gakushuu, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

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Gakushuu: Kill me nowwwww.

Isogai: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

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Terasaka: Itona just insisted Hazama and I remember a code word in case we’re ever confronted by their clone or a cyborg doppelgänger and we’re not sure which is the real them and which is the imposter.

Terasaka: Some families have a fire escape plan, but not us.

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Karma, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.

Rio: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.

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Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Kayano: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad…

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*Terasaka falls over*

Hazama: Terasaka! Are you alright?

Terasaka: Is that you, God?

Hazama: What?

Terasaka: It's just, you sound a lot more like Hazama than I expected.

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Gakuhou: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.