#nah i understand being traumatized & not wanting to work in order to recover

[orcelito]

Fucking hell, man

[midnight-in-town]

That new Aoex chapter... I was actually hoping we were going back to the present, but I wasn't disappointed by what we got. Quite a bit of lore, a glimpse of the true forms of the demon kings, the birth of the Illuminati, and Shiro becoming a dad. There was a lot going on and I think it really helped to connect the past with the present. What was your favorite part?

MY, ANON, THIS CHAPTER WAS SO FUNNY! Like, the more I look at it, the more I think 50% of it is some sort of joke from Kato-sensei’s part??? And don’t get me wrong, I love it, but just, this was insane. 

First of all, can I just say that I truly enjoy Sensei keeping on destroying the very thought of Satan/Yuri as a healthy & romantic pairing with every chapter lately? 

Because, there is a lot of things I can agree to disagree with when it comes to opinions, but I can’t understand people praising abuse and seeing it as love, which was definitely the case between Satan and Yuri with some fans. 

Supposedly he loved her, but the moment she stops being useful to him?

He destroys her (soul?) as well in Gehenna. 

For real, I feel bad for Yuri: we know that she loved Shiro and that it was bad luck & complicated childhoods that kept them away from each other until the end and now she won’t see her sons growing up, the Order is blaming her for Satan & Lucifer’s chaos and she somehow died twice. 

And the reason she betrayed Shiro and the Order for? Dude’s blowing it in her face that “it’s her fault” and that she’s useless to him, also after he revealed he killed her foster family. So yeah, I truly despise Satan, he’s not made to be a sympathetic villain at all (one can’t relate to his issue of lacking a body powerful enough to withstand his powers) and I hope their sons will somehow avenge their mother (and their actual father, the man who raised them).

Oh but since we’re on the rather gloomy parts of the chapter, I gotta say that… 

I’m glad the events of ch1 are finally being addressed. 

Maybe we’ll find out soon about why Shiro couldn’t withstand Satan’s possession almost a year ago in the story, leading to his death: maybe Rin’s words really did hurt him, especially since we know that Yukio kinda had issues with him back then too, without mentioning Shura’s anger…?

So I don’t know, perhaps he got dispirited thinking his children despised him and then his body had grown too old, or the experiments of Section 13 were too far away in time for him to recover in ch1… I guess we’ll see about that soon. ://

Also also, I kinda got spooked by by the Toudou family:

Looks like Saburouta killed his brothers and his wife during the Blue Night (?) leaving only his daughter alive, which is somehow how she ended up following in his footsteps and working for the Illuminati. 

Pretty scarring for that girl, I wasn’t expecting that at all.

As for the Myo Dha amongst the many victims of the Blue Night…

…rip Takezou, Koneko’s dad and Mamushi’s mom (also wondering where Jin, Renzou’s oldest sister, was the whole time but I think Sensei forgot about her).

Finally, I always wondered about how Shura fared throughout the whole Blue Night incident and…

baby girl did well by hiding. 

The rest of the chapter though? Mostly funny parts, I swear to Assiah and Gehenna, haha! For example:

I gotta say I was really intrigued by whatever this Ark is supposed to be, but then…

…Dude gets out a freaking vacuum to deal with Lucifer’s remains???? Yeah, honestly that’s where I lost it LMAO!

IDK if Sensei meant to imply “that’s because he’s trash” or somehow that vacuum leads to this Ark thing, but I really lost my mind reading that scene. xDD

AND THEN…

Mephisto literally said “looks like it will be tough cleaning all this up… Well, gotta go now, you sure don’t need my help, bye~!”. Is he the laziest demon or what?! 

Finally, guys taking out axes to free Jeremiah from the forest he created to protect himself from Lucifer ended up being the final blow for me:

This whole scene with Shemihaza really struck me more as funny (with demons having their own vibes) than anything else. 

Same style but different time and space, we had Lucifer coming back to Gehenna after being defeated by the combo Shemihaza + Samael and…

Mephy being here like “omg bro, u sure u ok after I exorcised you? yeah? well that’s good news then”, my God, I couldn’t help but think that he really is the lowest of the low. xDD

Best part of the whole chapter has to be the following panel though, obviously:

Congrats Shiro, you got what you always wanted: kids to raise and a lifelong debt that is equal to losing your entire freedom. Well, aren’t you h a p p y? 

Nah, more seriously, as predictable as it was since everyone expected the “favor” Mephy requested when Shiro was a child to come into play, I still feel truly bad for him. In the end, escaping the Order is what he wished for, ever since his traumatizing childhood in Section 13, and it’s the one thing he never managed to bite back.

Unless… well, we don’t know yet what the twins will do, but if they somehow manage to defeat Mephy (who is on Assiah’s side but also possibly one hell of a villain as far as they are concerned) or even just the Order, then maybe we’ll have Shiro’s revenge finally out in the open. 

To start with, we know that Shiro didn’t raise no weapon. Yukio may not believe it’s true, Rin can have his doubts, but Shura knows the real deal when it comes to Shiro’s feelings about Yuri and her sons.

So Shiro raising sons and not weapons might eventually be what will stab every manipulator within the Order deep in the back, which would make an awesome revenge for him in that case. 

Finally about this: 

I made a post about this once, but just so it’s clear: as King of Time, clearly Samael knows that Satan will try to invade Assiah once more and him double crossing the Baals & Satan by telling Satan that he will prepare Rin as a vessel is just the best way to get Rin to face his father once he’s ready:

Which he almost is by now, in my opinion.

So yeah, Mephy is the same manipulator as ever, toying with both humans and demons, but we know he’s on Assiah’s side so, from the way I see things, he cannot be in favor of Satan showing up every now and then, raising havoc.

On the other hand, Mephy toying with Shiro and the Okumura twins (amongst others) is precisely why he could make a very fine big bad that the twins have to confront (both for themselves but also for Shiro’s sake), once Satan and Lucifer are out of the way. Ahhh, we shall see.

TL;DR a w e s o m e chapter, as always lately! Some difficult and gloomy parts, some awful moments, some funny ones and Mephy being the same old trickster he’s fated to be: what else could we ask for?

I hope you enjoyed it too, Anon! I don’t think the present time is coming back that quickly (in at least two or three chapters maybe?), but for now I’m still enjoying the flashbacks, so it’s all fine with me. :))

Please have a nice day and thanks for passing by in the first place! ^3^

[codenamesazanka]

What are your feelings on Shigaraki getting a redemption? From your post comparing Gaara and Shiggy, I got the feeling you didn't care for Gaara becoming a good guy. Personally I would love for Shiggy to have a redemption arc!

Nah, I actually absolutely loved Gaara’s redemption arc!

tl;dr: Gaara’s redemption was done super well in my opinion. & I have no opinion on redemption for Shigaraki’s character, I’m waiting to see what happens! I wouldn’t mind it, should a few conditions be fulfilled. But I also don’t mind him not being redeemed. (Does he deserve to be? Sure.)

(Super, super long post because I love Gaara and I wasn’t smart enough to write meta about him when I was in the Naruto fandom so this is my 14-year-old self breaking out to do what was never but should’ve been done.)

I loved him being a homicidal 12-year-old, and I also I loved him having turned into the 15-year-old ninja leader who re-discovered love and bonded with his siblings (the sand sibs!!! I love them).

I love this brat and his post-goth self

What I hated was this guy:

Who the fuck is this. Who the fuck. Who the f—

So here’s the thing about Gaara!

He was literally created to be a monster, manipulated by his father into being one, on top of having a literal demon inside of him that would break his mind and take over. One can see how it led to him being the murderous, unstable 12-year-old he was. Yet.

A lot of the bad guy stuff he did was also by his choice. His father wanted a weapon; Gaara became something worse, one that became too much to handle; gone horribly right. He killed for pleasure, he threatened his siblings, he almost crippled an important side character because he could, he released the demon on purpose, outside of orders.

Gaara was traumatized by his upbringing and influenced by how others judged him; but he also eventually arrived at his philosophy by himself. The influencing words for him were “love only yourself and fight only for yourself [because no one else will, monster]” and he took that to heart. Then he turned it into “I exist to kill all humans other than myself, so for long as there are people for me to kill, I will not cease to exist; I will feel alive.” Damn.

I totally get it. His own father tried to kill him, again and again. Sent assassins after him. There was no one he could trust, and the only comfort came from relying on the demon inside of him, and killing others to feel alive. But—

From the way he interacted with others, he knew what he did was wrong. Not the self defending himself from assassins; but things like killing people who surrendered or treating his siblings like shit. There were a lot of fanfic that blamed all his monstrous acts on the demon inside of him, or like an insanity defense; but I never thought so. He had moments of demon possession, but for the most part, he retained his self, he reasoned, he made choices. If I wrote meta back then, man…

It was why when Gaara turned good, it was solely on questioning himself and reframing his perspective, and not like, extracting the demon from him. He reflected on himself, he reconsidered everything he thought, he listened to another person’s philosophy, and here’s the most important part: he made the choice to change.

Because when faced with that moment, it wasn’t because he was arrested or told a secret that changed everything or it was revealed he was actually loved all along or freed from external manipulations. He could’ve gone back to his old ways. He was still in the same situation as before; the only thing that changed were the choices he could make despite everything. So, quite immediately, he apologized to his siblings.

And so began the long process of atonement. He went back and saved the guy he almost crippled, he opened his heart and reached out to his siblings, he decided to become ninja leader despite the poor, poor relations between him and the village (which yeah, started because they treated him as a monster, but then he started killing for pleasure…). He worked hard.

That was a redemption story I really liked. It’s true that Gaara had a terrible childhood and a good reason for turning out the way he did; but eventually, there came a point where he couldn’t blame his actions on that. He was understandable, but not forgivable - yet. There were choices made on purpose, connections rejected out of hatred, and blood on his hands. I think ‘redemption’ is all about coming to that choice on your own, owning up to that and working to correct those wrongs - even if it’s impossible, even if it’s never ending.

Gaara’s story is really much like Shigaraki’s. I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi was influenced by the character! Prototype Sazanka had his name written out as: 沙惨禍. “Sand Calamity”. Hehe.

But yeah, Gaara started out as a creepy character that showed up antagonistic and began murdering people outside of what was allowed in ninja society. He showed no mercy, he told his siblings he never thought of them as family, he tried to kill an unconscious hospital patient. Pretty unsympathetic except for very, very subtle hints; until bam! Backstory. Yeah, it made you want something better for him!

It was a matter of how.

*

I have no opinion on redemption for Shigaraki’s character. I’m waiting to see what happens. I would like it!

If! Shigaraki reaches that conclusion by himself. Not him realizing he was so manipulated by AFO none of his own actions were actually his actions. Not him being ‘unbrainwashed’, if that even was a thing. Not a secret revealed to him that changes everything, wow, if only I knew this, I would not have become a terrorist… Not him getting captured and All Might begging the courts to be lenient on him and dragging him kicking and screaming to rehabilitation.

I really like Shigaraki! What made him fun was that he’s a willful brat. “Before we leave, let’s kill a kid!”. “This asshole stabbed me so I’m releasing bioweapons onto the city.” “I’m going to hold this boy hostage in broad daylight and discuss morality.” He delighted in destruction, he looked for ways to hurt people most. All his chosen actions.

Does he deserve to be ‘redeemed’/recover/be allowed to atone for his actions/given the chance to change? Sure!

It’s just, Shigaraki’s gotta make that decision on his own.

*

One thing about Gaara’s redemption is that, yeah, he was ‘saved’ by the main character, Naruto. Talk-no-Jutsu, I think that was called, the main character’s habit of changing someone’s life/morality/philosophy/sinful ways simply by telling them his feelings.

But it made sense. Naruto and Gaara were proper foils. Both have demons inside of them, both were shunned by the village, both struggle with feelings of loneliness and hatred and finding a reason to live. Sure, Gaara had it worse since he was targeted for assassination; but Naruto related Gaara’s pain at a basic level. And Gaara recognized it too.

They understood each other, that they were mirror versions of each other, that they very well could’ve ended up like the other, the difference between them that one had someone who cared about him, and one didn’t. Naruto showed Gaara a different way to live - but he didn’t force it. Naruto simply told Gaara he empathizes with him, but if Gaara tries to hurt his friends, he’ll kill him. It’s thanks to Naruto, but Gaara realized his path to redemption on his own.

So excuse my lost of control here, but what the fuck kind of foil is between Deku and Shigaraki??? Deku getting Shigaraki redeemed is, currently, laughable.

One is quirkless and got bullied (I maintain my position that these things are overemphasized and made worse than it was by the fandom), but had a loving home and grew up as a normal kid…

for Shigaraki, being at home made him anxious, then he gets a truly dangerous, frightening quirk, and then he’s raised to be a a weapon by Japan’s Number One Villain.

Why are there so many AU fics of Deku having a deadly quirk? Or made him be so relentlessly bullied? Or kidnapped by Villains and forced to work for them? Overall, fics that make his situation/backstory worse? It’s cuz he’s boring. All these stories is just taking Shigaraki’s past and giving it to Deku to make him more ‘badass’ and then have the audacity to write Shigaraki as a dumb tamper-tantrum-throwing manchild. Don’t get me wrong, I actually love reading these fics cuz I’m a sucker for AUs, but honestly.

Talk-no-jutsu isn’t gonna work here.

Still! Should Horikoshi go for redemption, I wouldn’t mind! I just need to see exactly how he handles it. If he screws it up, I will also never forgive him.

[ticketybooworld-blog]

Barrie’s recovery from paranoid schizophrenia. The journey back to reality !

Some folks call it Schizophrenia some call it a nervous breakdown. I prefer the latter. The stigma associated with the first makes both life and recovery difficult. Back in 2011 i had one of those after a hugely traumatic series of events happened in my life. I became an inpatient for 4 weeks in a psychiatric hospital..

In 2010 i  left hospital with the diagnosis of Paranoid Schizophrenia. I was also having a totally new experience. One i certainly had never had before. Nor would i want to again.  I was hearing ‘ what i thought ‘ was a voice in a foreign language 24 hours a day? A voice which at this time in my life made no sense to me at all. I believed i was possessed i had to be? I was writing and hearing this new language? Of course i was possessed i mean. What else could it be? It was to be some years later before i discovered what this reason was. The mind can play some funny or in this case not so funny tricks. I had to listen to this for about 2 years before it stopped. Before it left me alone at long last I had been pretty ‘ heavily medicated ‘ and unable to tend to myself mentally much at this point in time. I was under the care of a support team 3 days per week and weekly CPN visits.

I was given the diagnoses of Adult Adhd/Paranoid Schizophrenia.  Told i may need medications for life that i would never be able to manage alone. That recovery would not be possible. At the time it felt like i had been handed a death sentence !

For a long time i had fallen into this belief of being unable to recover. In doing so i had fallen into a mental trap. My own trap. I became for sometime the psychiatric patient. I lived and felt as though my life was over. I had begun to live as my label.  The stigma and discrimination involved with this diagnosis made it hard if not impossible for me to try to function ‘ normally ‘ back in the world any more. It had felt like their was just no hope. Though in time;

It was this ‘ belief ‘ i  learned that had to change! 

I couldn’t stand being the way i was anymore. I had to change it. I had wanted to change it for so long but i just hadn’t known how to? For a long time I was a ‘ heavily medicated schizophrenic ‘ living in medicated ‘ zombie world.’ I couldn’t take this anymore. So drugged i could hardly walk or talk..This was no life. Why was ‘ i ‘ being medicated this way? The answer to that came to me in time  when i finally  realised that ‘ i ‘ was bringing a lot of it on myself !  

My medications were so powerful all i could see was the world going on around me from inside. If you could name a psychiatric medication. Chances were i had been on it. I can only describe it the way it felt. It felt like I was in a coma but had my eyes open. Numb unable to feel anything. Emotionless.  

It amazes me even to this day that I had been that way for so long. Lost. Simply because no one had ever told me about that one single word.  RECOVERY !

Recovery from Schizophrenia?

Eh?

How can this be possible? 

Well here’ what the experts have to say !

RECOVERY !  

The first time i heard this life changing word it came to me from an amazing woman. A little angel called Shirley Coffey. A woman who was to change my life for the better in so many ways. She had become my support worker in 2011. She came to see me 3 days per week.  She worked for a charitable organisation known as Penumbra and she was to become a close friend for the years to come. Even after my discharge in 2013 we always kept in touch.

(This picture above with Shirley was at a later date. 2 years after my discharge in 2013 and we had not seen each other in all that time. Shirley had come to watch my first ever workshop at an international event in 2015)  Until i met Shirley i had always been told that recovery was not possible and i had believed that. It’s amazing how much Shirley changed this by telling me of The Hearing Voices Movement.  She told me stories about. 

People who had recovered from Schizophrenia ?? Eh? What?   She came into my life at the perfect moment. I was having a really really bad time back then. It’s not all glamour hearing voices you know

Voices can be angry, hostile, frightening and hard to control. My voices had been evil a lot at the time really evil. They can drive you to suicide and for me they did. I attempted to kill myself more than once. One time i even landed myself in intensive care. They were about to switch off my life support machine but i decided to get back up. Thankfully. Shirley taught me that my voices were ‘ not to be feared ‘ She helped talk me back to reality many times. She helped me to find explanations for my experiences. She helped me by taking me back out into the real world gradually. Going for coffees or meetings re mental health. She helped me with bills and paperwork things i just could not manage myself at the time. Though most importantly she became a friend. She was never ever judgemental about my experiences and she never ever treated me like was my label. She made me realise it was not only my ‘ voices ‘ and ‘ labels ‘that were the problem. She helped to make me realise i was infact the problem. The way i was living my life. My attitude towards my labels and life and she told me many times i needed a good shake and a good ‘ kick up the erse ‘ as she always used to say god rest her. It was Shirley who made me see that i was bringing a lot of my problems on myself. Not all of them but a lot. It was then i realised i had to change my entire world. From where i lived to the people i knew. I had to change my entire environment in order to save myself. I had been self-medicating and i had been taking to many problems to my doctors hoping there would be some kind of answers in a tablet. She taught me how to begin retaking control and she did that with the power of friendship. A friendship i will always cherish. Sadly Shirley Coffey has since passed away. She is so sorely missed. I had experienced  lots of nice voices back then but for a good while a demonic voice as I had ‘ thought ’ it was, had come home to roost in my brain and i was stuck with it for months prior to getting medications. It just never ever stopped talking/shouting/cursing/demanding . It was a hard one to shake. At the time pretty darn frightening. It was a voice that was so powerful. So dominating it had me delusional. I fully believed i was the devil himself. I needed help.. 

Hell even my voices were saying

and they were right. ! 

JOINING INTERVOICE  !I

The International Hearing Voices Movement. 

The facebook group.  The movement that was to change my life ! It was on joining Intervoice that i began to learn that we can overcome these voices. We can reclaim our power over them. We can learn to identify the traumas/triggers that are causing them. We can learn to live with them or even get rid of em altogether. I had never heard of all this before. Suddenly it was like WHEY HEY ! Lightbulb moment ‘ i like this ! This is making sense to me. My newest and most effective tool was to become the HVM. The Hearing Voices Movement. It was here that for the first time i learned to take control. It was here i learned to understand my voice hearing experience.

I learned that voices were not to be feared..I learned i was not alone.. I came to learn millions of folks hear voices. Diagnosed and undiagnosed. I began reading successful recovery stories.

My support network began to grow. I began to make friends with others who had had similar experiences. I had online support 24/7 where before i had only ever been medicated and alone. The power of social media was both powerful and instrumental in my recovery. Friends disappear when your labelled schizophrenic as people don’t understand psychosis and what it really means. People tend to be afraid of it when there is just no need. Intervoice was to be a much needed lifeline for me many times. I was meeting the people who helped guide me onto the road to my recovery.  Here i had come to realise ‘ hearin voices ‘ is well pretty damn normal.

SCHIZOPHRENIC - Nah !I didn’t want to be that anymore. I had wanted away from that life for so long. From the label. The diagnosis. The stigma. But mostly at that time the voices. Thanks to Shirley i had gotten to the stage where i had realised that i did infact need support. The medical model alone was not entirely working for me. The medications were helping to keep me calm and ensured i was sleeping etc but they were doing nothing to change my life. That part i was learning to take control of and i was realising ‘ i ‘ had to do it. Even if it meant finding my own way. I was learning to reclaim my life bit by bit.It was hard really hard but i had begun to make the change. A huge part of that  came when seeking support from the HVM  they then came to play a massive part in helping me to facilitate that much needed change. I didn’t even know how to work a laptop at that time. Though i had bought one purely to join Intervoice. I was clueless it took me weeks to finally get a facebook account made and several attempts at tying to post before i finally managed to share in the Intervoice group.

The first time i had  ever commented in Intervoice . Still being relatively psychotic at the time. I had asked the question.

Does anyone else hear voices in a foreign language?

I had been in a lot of distress.

Egan Bidois

Egan was the very first man to answer me as i was calling out for help. He commented straight away when i asked for advice about my foreign speaking voice which plagued me day and night. Egan once a service user himself  is now a world renowned figure in the world of mental health recovery It amazes me to this very day that i was answered by a Shamanic Healer such as he. The universe provides at the right times for sure. Would i be mad to say i think he heard my call? I,ll leave that up to you? I’m honoured to say we are still great friends to this day. He’s my bro ! We speak & keep in contact most days.  Sometimes we even use laptops. I learned a lot from listening to Egan. I still do. He writes with words that make you heal as you read. 

You can read more about Egan and his inspirational journey here. As he is featured in this brilliant book below. I have read and own a copy & highly recommend it to all.

TO READ MORE ABOUT EGAN - PLEASE CLICK  HERE

By joining the Intervoice support group on facebook i was gaining the knowledge which was necessary for me to begin to move forwards with my life. It was here that my recovery journey began in a way i could never have dreamt was possible.

One minute i had been completely alone with my experiences though in joining this group in no time at all i was chatting with and also becoming friends with Psychologists, Psychiatrists, C.p.n’s , Social workers, Support Workers , Professors, Authors, Activists, journalist film makers and more..  What was most important for me i feel was i suddenly was speaking to lots of people and all of whom had lived experience. That helped me most in my learning process. Learning from those who have been there and that’s where Intervoice came into a world of it’s own, as most people had. I have remained friends with many of these amazing people to this day. Even many of the psychologist and doctors i spoke with had had the experience of not only hearing voices but of having had been through psychosis themselves. I can’t begin to describe how empowering all of this was and still is for me. I was experiencing something new ‘ acceptance ‘ as both a human being and a voice hearer. People were making me feel included in the world once more. Like i mattered. They were supportive beyond belief and many still are to this day. I was supported instantly from that very first comment & thread i had created back then in the  Intervoice group where i had met Egan and Peter in 2012. I am still supported and have the honour of speaking with most days with this crazy genius and brother from another mother Peter Hawes. Peter is a legend and you can read more about him here.. Click here for  VOICES INC. He has been a solid friend to me over the years and like Egan he gives amazing advice and support. He ROCKS!

Hearing voices and being the way I was was something I had always done alone.

I felt included and accepted. I was then part of something new. Something wonderful.  Something life changing and something that was helping to change the lives of voice hearers and also their families all around the world for the better.

I remember clearly how empowering that that was. I felt for the first time in my life that i had found my clan, my tribe. It was almost like I had found a home. I no longer felt so lost. I was no longer alone.  I became a member of the International Hearing Voices Movement & i became a part of something.. I felt like i had been drowning for years. Suddenly i had been thrown a rope. I remember feeling that i was being saved and well i guess, I was ! 

I had began to read and read about taking ‘ownership of voices ‘ I read ‘The Maastricht Approach ‘ I began to ask questions. Not only to health professionals but most importantly to those with lived experience. It was in doing this i learned most.  I began building a bigger toolbox. All the coping mechanisms i learned from members and new friends became more tools for my ever growing recovery toolbox. If i was to compare myself to the state of a derelict building at the time. I too needed a lot of fixing. Therefore i needed all the tools i could get.. 

From peoples comments and experiences i took all the things that i knew made sense to me. Strategies that I knew would actually help ‘ me ‘  to take ownership of ‘ my life ‘. Things that i knew would help ‘ me ‘ to recover in ‘my own way as an individual.  With that i began to learn to ‘accept my voices.’  I accepted they couldn’t harm me or anyone else unless i gave them that power.  Not long after joining Intervoice i had suddenly found myself taking a massive step and for a guy who could hardly leave the house it was a huge step and that was when i took the leap and when i booked a place at the 

Worldwide Voice Hearing Congress in Cardiff 2012 !

You can view the congress here 

The congress was to be life changing for me. It was here i became completely inspired not only to recover but more importantly i became inspired massively to want to help others learn to recover. 

At the congress i had been fortunate enough to meet and speak personally with the founder of Intervoice. Professor Marius Romme . He was even kind enough to sign one of his books for me. I also got to see both he and Sandra Escher speak. It was just excellent

Reflections on Marius Romme and Sandra Escher – Accepting and Making Sense of Hearing Voices . I got to speak with and attend a workshop with Hywell Davies. 

(Hywel Davies of Hearing Voices Cymru (Wales) I got to speak with & watch Sir Robin Murray . You can read more about Sir Robin Murray here @ Researcher Acknowledges His Mistakes in Understanding Schizophrenia As well as all these i got to watch a workshop by  Dr Rufus May. The doctor who hear voices. I also attended Will Hall’s &  Amanda Faith Wageli workshop on coming off of psychiatric medications. It was amazing. Inspiring.

I have also been friends with Rachel Waddingham over the last few years. I was lucky enough to see her workshop whilst there also. She has been a great support to me through some really difficult times lately. You can read more about Rachel Waddingham here @ BEHIND THE LABEL  I met with Dr Eleanor Longden as it was she who signed me into the congress. She and some others laughed that I didn’t actually look like Ozzy Osbourne. He had been my profile picture for the whole time I was on facebook prior to the congress. 

I had little to no confidence in myself back then. I had found it difficult to show myself on the internet as a‘ voice hearer .’ I hadn’t wanted friends or family to see me at this stage.  As i say i was not confident enough to. So I had hidden behind that profile picture until my confidence had grown.Thanks to the help i received from others my confidence was growing faster and faster everyday.

Eleanor Longden below also became one of my many inspirations. See her TED Talk here.

THE VOICES IN MY HEAD - DR ELEANOR LONGDEN

Eleanor was a great support to me her messages of encouragement along the way were and are extremely empowering for me. I met with so many other amazing people that it would take several blogs for me to write about. People just came from everywhere at the congress to show their support. It was overwhelming.  Again those feelings of acceptance support & kindness were inspiring. Uplifting.. I took home with me a huge desire to change. Not only my life but the lives of others. Also importantly the minds of my psychiatrists.I wanted to show them i could recover.

Eleanor Longden was a diagnosed schizophrenic and heard menacing voices in her head for 10 years. Now, she has fought back and has graduated with a brilliant honours degree in psychology. To read more click here @ A first-class recovery: From hopeless case to graduate    I came home after telling Ivan Barry at the congress that I needed to turn my life more to the positive. In a strange twist of fate I did just that. I met Ivan who is from Coventry while down in Wales. It turned out he lived 5 minutes away from me. So we met up for coffees and chats.

Ivan Barry - Visions & Voices  All of these people had become my friends. They were not only supporting me via Intervoice they all also came to join ‘ my group ‘ a group i was creating. That group being;

POSITIVE MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT GROUP

Within about two months of my being home from the congress i became an admin at Positive Mental Health Support Group. It was a group that wasn’t being used it had just 20 members. It had been given to me to see well what  could do with it. Well with a little bit of work (well actually lots of it lol )  it then grew to over 6500 members and mental health organisation worldwide.. I also then at the same time became admin of many more international groups. Together consisting in excess of 20.000 members. I did all of this voluntarily and well  i just loved it. It was exciting !

I learned more and more about using laptops. I was self taught it served a s great distraction and focus for me. Learning to use a laptop from scratch for me was a challenge in itself. I was both running a support group though at the same time i was learning how to work and to create on my laptop. As i learned i  then created websites. You Tube Channels. Facebook groups and Pages. I created countless blogs. Attended meetings,and more.I also got to do a radio interview for KCRW of America which was listed as their favourite episode. 

Positive mental health support group really took off after Kevin Healey of the Recovery Network in Toronto had noticed a statement i had made while i had been speaking with Egan Bidois over in the Intervoice group.  Kevin had noticed our conversation and had then put my statement on an image (below) he put it in a blog with our group link. He then helped massively to launch it as he immediately promoted it in over 100 countries. In doing this Kevin not only promoted the group but he promoted something long lost to me. A sense of purpose. I didn’t have time to be unwell anymore haha i had thousands of members to meet with chat to and mail. 

I had been so used to spending time on my own after my breakdown. So this was perfect and at the time just what i had needed.  It helped me to grow & to recover. It was all helping me come back into reality. I was busy 24/7 i had a huge distraction from my voices and troubles instantly. I was online emailing and messaging day and night trying to keep up with people from all different time zones. For a few months getting the group going was really intense. It was exciting and it was fun and i was meeting more amazing people everyday.

As time went by I met more and more people, other admins and organisations. I had been given other groups to admin such as Mad Pride International. This was a group created in honour of yet another great inspiration of mine. John McCarthy of Mad Pride Ireland.

Here you can view A conversation with John McCarthy  ! R.I.P !

This man here is the genius Kevin Healey. Kevin runs the Recovery Network Toronto and facilitates many hearing voices groups/cafes and more. Kevin is also one of my main inspirations. He is a great friend who has given me un-dedicated support unto this day.  I cherish his friendship. We chat share even admin groups together. He was also one of the first to speak with me when i first posted seeking help in Intervoice along with Egan and Peter. He is a legend. He is featured below in this fantastic film about ‘Hearing Voices’

KEVIN HEALEY . Click here to view  Recovery Network Toronto !

Kevin also as an article here below featured in by The Star newspaper. Toronto Hearing Voices Need Not Mean You’re crazy says activist I had met someone else amazing at this time on my journey who was also from from Toronto. An amazing lady called Earla Dunbar. I have adopted Earla. She is now my sons Aunty Earla. She often send gifts over from Toronto. I love Earla to bits SHE’S GREAT  ! She has also supported me through some really difficult times over the last 6 years.  In 2001 Earla founded a Social Phobia Support Group in Toronto and met with three members for a while. Today she meets at CAMH and has one of he largest social phobic support groups in North America.

To read more about Earla Dunbar and her amazing journey click here @ Earla Dunbar – I Have My Life Back

You can also see Earla here by clicking  - In the Spotlight

That day when i had first ever commented in Intervoice. Something special happened.  It was at that exact same moment in time we all met. We were all united in that one second. Peter Hawes. Egan Bidois . Kevin Healey . Mike llm Kruger, myself  & others. Strange really in that we were/are all voice hearers.

We all met in that brief moment in time & since the second we met we have all remained great friends. I am writing this 6 years almost 7 later & still i am blessed to have all these amazing people in my life. As both friends and as guides and advisers on my journey.

Also while i mention Mike llm Kruger above . Mike is a man who has been there for me since the start. He had joined my positive mental health support group. He was a shy timid fellow to begin with.Though as his confidence grew he spoke out more about his experiences. He has an amazing sense of humour always up for having fun. Cut a long story short Mike grew and he recovered very well. He has moved on from his labels he has met his new partner Mia and he now teaches others about recovery..Mike even does talks with psychiatry relating to hearing voices/psychosis. He had in 2013 flown over from Denmark to stay with me for a week in Scotland. He purchased this kilt which you can see him in below. He now works for psychiatry and i couldn’t be happier for him.  I had made him an admin of the Mad Pride International group which i was admin of at the time.. He is a great friend and another brother from another mother..We worked closely with one another and have remained strong friends since.

I’m so proud of him and of who he is today.

Shame about the legs !

Later on my crazy journey in 2015 i was then asked to do a workshop at an international event about my recovery. My recovery journey had been witnessed worldwide via the groups in which i had been administrator of. Also via other forums such as Intervoice. It was a huge huge honour when i was suddenly asked to do workshops alongside. Professor Marius Romme & Sandra Escher.(founders of the HVM) Psychologist Dr Rufus May.( The doctor who hears voices )  Matt Ball.( Voted Australias best mental health nurse) Ivan Barry.( Visions and Voices ) Psychiatrist and shamanic healer Lewis Mehl-Madrona Barbara Mainguy & so many more  So myself and my partner at the time came over to Scotland from Northern Ireland. While there we had been honoured enough to have had a surprise spiritual blessing together. We were blessed by psychiatrist/cherokee shamanic healer  Lewis Mehl-Madrona along with Barbara Mainguy. Lewis & Barbara had flown over to Scotland from America for the camp and blessing and we spent a few days with them during their stay. Ivan Barry had also done a blessing for us while we were there. . 

It had been beautiful. 

Lewis’s book here below

Paul Baker Director of Intervoice had even come along to watch my workshop. A huge moment for me and of course both an honour and a privilege.  ‘Paul Baker’ is a founding member of the Hearing Voices Network and INTERVOICE. He has developed community mental health projects, self-advocacy services, supported housing, social firms, enterprises in which people have direct input into the planning, development and running of their services. He had came to watch a workshop of mine. It was unbelievable and i was as nervous as hell lol. I had met Paul initially online in 2012 when i joined Intervoice in deep distress with voices. He had watched my work and recovery over 3 years online and well it couldn’t have been to bad as he came all the way to Scotland to watch me talk. Paul is a man who never stops travelling the world going to huge events conferences and more and here he was taking the time to come and watch me.. I’ll never forget how powerful that felt. I had went from being a service user to being stood 2 years after last being in services. Now no longer hearing voices and beginning to give workshops beside some of the greatest and most powerful leading members of the hearing voices network.  Not bad for a nutter lol  ;) 

After my workshop Paul had offered me to go and do a workshop with him over in Madrid. I was so honoured. Unfortunately due to circumstances i could not go..  But it was great to meet and speak with him all the same. He’s a top bloke and does amazing work. I only wish i had went but that’s another story. Myself and Paul have had countless online chats and messages. Shared work and so much more. I have been extremely fortunate to have had both his time and friendship. He is a man who’s work i admire greatly.  ‘ Click here for A Practical Guide to Coping With Hearing Voices by Paul Baker At this same event I was honoured enough to meet and spend some time with Matt Ball. Such a GREAT GUY ! Matt has another amazing famous recovery story .. Click below to see how he went from being diagnosed as Schizophrenic to becoming;

Mental health patient becomes Australia's best mental health nurse

ABC Radio Adelaide Nice one Matt love you man ! 

He was kind enough to give our little boy two beautiful little teddy bears before he flew back to Australia and he loves them dearly to this day.

PRIOR TO MY DISCHARGE. I had taken information about the Maastricht Approach along with idea of recovery to my psychiatrists. Cpn’s etc..Basically i took what i had been learing at the Hearing Voices Movement to them. I couldn’t believe the response. It wasn’t what i expected.  Student psychiatrists, psychologists, consultants, support workers, managers etc would even come to my home. All interested in both my recovery and of the HVM. We would watch videos together and we’d chat about hearing voices and recovery. MY RECOVERY ! It was so empowering for me to see how interested they all actually were. I could see they were welcoming not only this information but they were really pleased to see the effect it was having on my recovery and the effort i was putting into making that recovery happen. They were also watching my support groups grow as more and more recovery networks and members joined. I was finally  beginning to feel more like me and not my label.. The MHT i had  believed entirely that people can hear voices and live fulfilling independent lives. This changed everything. We learned from one another. I took great satisfaction on proving to them I would beat this ‘illness’ to the degree I could manage on my own. I took pride in the fact they were understanding & working with me. As opposed to making me feel they were the enemy. Which is how I had been made to feel in the past & in truth.  How I had seen them. I had started to see that they were not an enemy. I just feel a lot more has to be done for psychiatry and voice hearers to work together. That is in itself the key if you ask me, cos it makes a whole world of difference when it comes to trying to recover successfully.   @ ‘  The System was Shit but i,m thankful for that ‘ I was fully discharged from psychiatric services in 2013. Last psychosis 2011 and NO longer hearing voices. On leaving psychiatry the last day i gave to them the gift of a hearing voices resource pack .The pack was full of book and dvd’s sent to me by Paul Baker of Intervoice .I shook hands with my CPN.  I was given thanks congratulations and best wishes from my team for the future. That to me was a huge moment. It gave me a massive sense of pride & achievement. It was like i had won a lottery..

I was freeeee ! I was free to be ‘ ME ‘ and i left the label right there behind me. Cos ach well who needs it. I didn’t want it anymore I moved on and i chose to give up being just a schizophrenic for good. 

 ‘My saying I have ‘ Schizophrenia’ doesn’t really tell you a whole heck of a lot about me ! It can actually result in you making a whole lot of assumptions about me that most probably are not accurate.’

I believe in order for a successful recovery to happen it takes a whole combination of things. It takes medication. It takes a good mental health team.It takes great support workers,. It takes understanding family & friends. It takes time..... Most importantly i believe there has to be HOPE ! & that LOVE CONQUERS ALL !

Today i have a doctors letter in my hand that states. ‘ Barrie has no active schizophrenia and is currently not suffering from a psychiatric illness ‘ It doesn’t have to be forever  I believe we were born to live and not to be labelled ‘ and i made this little poster below to say just that. 

Since all of this began i have been through many huge trauma’s. I still remain voices free. I still live independently though now i am left with serious physical disabilities. Though have i given up, Nah ! Cos i believe

I’m just on a different recovery journey now that’s all cos as i always say we should always always  

Thank you for reading  Best wishes Barrie x POSITIVE ABOUT PAIN AND MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT GROUP