#nadezhda means “hope” right?
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Elemmírion's First Main OC (Original Character)
Nadezhda Boyadzhyeva of the House of Atanasov (b. 23 July 1992)
"—whose waist-length wavy hair was the brown of aged mahogany, rich and deep, and her skin was fair as the alabaster. Her dress was red as rose fair with the hues of gold, and her gazelle-like eyes were dark as the evening skies." —The Elemmírion Chapter 3: Legacy of the Three Jewels
Nadezhda Boyadzhiyeva, known as Nadia, was one of the new wizards who became the next bearer of Carninárë (Red Flame). Paternally, she was descended from the union of a mortal founder Vladimir Atanasov and the unknown figure named Ilwenárë who shaped the legacy of the House of Boyadzhiyev–Atanasov.
As the bearer of the Carninárë, the red flame jewel, Nadezhda embodies the fiery spirit of Gryffindor house, wielding her power with courage, passion, and unwavering determination. The jewel pulses with the essence of her lineage, a beacon of strength and resilience in the face of adversity.
1. Origin: Nadezhda Boyadzhiyeva-Atanasova's journey begins in the bustling streets of Sofia, Bulgaria, where she is born into humble beginnings on July 23, 1992 (either during 90s Yugoslav Wars or Voldemort's rise in power).
2. Journey From Waitress to Courtesan: Though she faced multiple threats from her family's enemies, her path leads her to the glittering world of courtesanship, where she discovers a newfound sense of liberation and autonomy. Embracing her natural allure and charisma, she rises through the ranks to become a celebrated courtesan, captivating clients with her charm, wit, and sophistication. Through her encounters with clients from all walks of life, she gains invaluable insights into the complexities of human desire, forging deep connections and fostering a sense of intimacy that transcends the physical realm.
Note: The entire backstory of Nadezhda Boyadzhiyeva will be revealed later.
Description: in the background of the shades of red, Nadia/Nadezhda was described as the book said—Mahogany-haired, fair-skinned like the alabaster, dark gazelle-eyed one who donned the gown of blood red with a corset which was designed with a flower surrounded by the six pairs of red leaves.
#main oc#wattpad#books#non canon#artwork#tolkien legendarium#wizarding world#balkan#elemmírë#my ocs#she was a gryffindor#nadezhda means “hope” right?#still don't if she was a peredhel or a halfblood witch#half elf#half-blood witch#harry potter non-canon#silmarillion × harry potter = the elemmírion (this non-canonical ig)#the elemmírion#the balkan silm trash#bulgaria#i don't know what i should tag next#gryffindor#half-blooded witch peredhel idk#the story is very balkanized#original character#pardon me because my watercolour art is not good enough but i tried my best#crayon#i use my black pen for my ultimate sketch step#my english is not good enough pardon me#art
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Let's talk about Vivus. Little village in Middle Praenost, right on the way to Sila's castle. It contains a chest with Nadezhda - one of Sila's necklaces - guarded by a bunch of her errant knights. It also contains a number of skeletons sporting said knights' spears.
Upon killing the knights and obtaining the necklace, Cuff remarks on how it might have belonged to Sila, or that perhaps "they" were planning on giving it to her. I assume "they" means the citizens because the knights really don't seem the gift-giving types.
Anyway, this is one of those environmental set-pieces that makes me think, especially when combined with another point of interest close-by.
Middle Praenost Hollow is a cave just a bit northeast of Vivus, and it, too, features a bunch of errant knights. These knights, however, aren't guarding a necklace. Rather, they are guarding the bodies of a number of executed villagers, children included.
Now, there's no clear, canonical confirmation of exactly what happened in these two locations, but I'll tell y'all the story I like to imagine.
I like to imagine that the people of Vivus tried to negotiate with Sila; specifically, they tried to win her over with a gift of a beautiful, power-enhancing necklace. They hoped that said gift would persuade her to let them go free. Some villagers the offering in Vivus. The others took the children and tried to start on the journey north, to Cipal.
Sila - no surprise - refused to negotiate, and those still in the village were killed. The knights then proceeded to stand guard over the necklace.
Those who had tried to make their escape were hunted down, corralled in the cave, and summarily executed. Adults and children both.
Twenty-odd years layer, Frey stumbles upon the aftermath and gets a spiffy necklace out of it while being appropriately disturbed by what was clearly a Tanta-sanctioned execution of innocents.
Two more interesting things to note:
1. The necklace Nadezdha is said to mean "hope." The word is actually similar to various Slavic words for hope - the Polish "nadzieja," for example - just with enough altering in spelling to make it unique.
This adds to the tragedy of the aforementioned imagined story because one can think of the villagers holding onto this necklace as their last hope, thinking that maybe it would save them from Sila. Only for it to not.
2. It's super interesting and very creepy to see the errant knights guarding things that don't need guarding, appearing to follow orders that were probably given decades ago. Unable to deviate from them, perhaps unable to understand their lack of significance at this point. We see that a lot with the Broken and with the Tantas' minions: this mindless adherence to old behaviors with no ability to move forward and out of this undead limbo Athia is in.
It's a haunting thing to see: manufactured soldiers standing guard over the skeletal remains of people they executed twenty years ago. Unable to do anything but follow a senseless, dead routine.
Anyway! I like using Forspoken's environment to piece together and embellish horrible tragedies. Game lends itself so well to that, and I'm making a point of looking for such little stories during this current playthrough.
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Behind the OC Name
So, I was tagged by the wonderful @iamcautiouslyoptimistic so thank you!!
So, as I currently sit at my laptop, staring at this screen, my brain says "do every original character you have ever made" and I have to quietly bat at it to tell it to shush because we'd be here for centuries. But, as a reminder, one day I may showcase other ocs that I have and add their names to this post.
For now *glares at my brain* I think sticking with the three originals people actually know about would be best- so here goes.
Jodie "Bell" Hall, a.k.a Nadezda Pugachev.
So, to avoid confusion, I mostly refer to my Bell oc as either Bell or Jodie, as in the 'canon' narrative (not my Call of Booty fic) she decides to stick with the name she was given by Adler and Park. I decided to go with Bell being in the MI6 as I am from the United Kingdom myself and so I then decided that I wanted to give her a name that sounded British.
As much as I'd like to say that name for her goes much deeper, it doesn't, but I feel like that reflects this whole idea that her identity was rushed to be made in the face of her brainwashing. I am not convinced that Adler and Park (and whoever was involved with that process) sat down around a table, cigarettes in hands, and took the time to find a fitting name. I 100% believe that they would have gone with what sounded enough to convince Bell.
To me, Jodie Hall was that fit.
As for her actual name? Well, I had this feeling that her name would have begun with an 'N' and I went looking at Russian names. I always like to make sure, when it's a language or culture not my own, that I look into it as much as possible - I'm ADHD and it gives me the strength to do this kind of research.
With that in mind, I was looking through them and waiting to see if a particular name resonated with me and eventually Nadežda/Nadezhda stuck out to me. The foremost name's spelling took my fancy, I liked how it looked and I can't explain how I knew that it was perfect for my Bell oc, but there it was, looking at me like 'HEY HELLO HERE PICK ME!'
What I love about that name, though, is that it means hope. I think I have mentioned this before, but I really loved that hope was the meaning of the name because I feel like it was something her family would have always told her to have. It's also something that she loses sight of but regains during the narrative I have for her.
Not only that, but isn't Bell the last hope that Adler and his team had at stopping what Perseus was trying to do at Solovetsky? I just liked the parallel and I only came to this specific realisation about Bell being their hope after I chose the name.
As for her last name, again there isn't a meaning from what I could find, but it was this feeling again of knowing what I wanted her last name to start with and then finding a surname that jumped out at me and seemed to fit with her.
I had originally played with the idea of giving her a surname from one of the previous Russian characters from World At War or Black Ops, but I thought using Reznov or Petrenko might have been a bit too on the nose and I wasn't certain of how to fit the idea of them being related into her backstory.
Anyway, I didn't end up going with that idea and allowed myself the creative freedom to ruin her life by NOT having her be related to any previously known characters.
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Franca "Major" Lorenzetti
Franca was only known as Major for quite some time while I was working on her - she came about after my first play through of MW2's reboot and a lot of the character progression and little stories I thought about didn't really push me to find a name.
When I eventually started working on what I wanted her to be called, Franca was not the first choice. I actually called her Seraphina. But that name didn't sit right with me and for several weeks I remember going back to it and thinking 'that name doesn't fit. it's not her'.
Seraphina most definitely is a name I'm going to use, just it wasn't for her, you know? Cause I ended up going down a rabbit hole of Seraph could be a good callsign, but again... it just wasn't this character.
It was then back to being nameless. Here I was, her entire family being named but her.
I ended up going with Franca because it means 'free one' and her entire backstory is about struggling with the expectations of her family, feeling like she was obliged to go through with what they wanted, but then deciding to do what she wanted and breaking free. So, that was the one. I said it out loud and my brain was like 'yep, itch has been scratched'.
I also thought about having her surname be different to the one she has now, initially having Nota. However, the only reason I went with that is probably because I was lazy - Nota is the surname of my Italian family that moved over in the early 1900s. It was a safe option, but again didn't end up fitting my character. Sorry fam! Lorenzetti was then chosen and seemed like the perfect fit!
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Nanette MacTavish
I'm pretty certain that Nanette means something along the lines of graceful, merciful, or something similar and given that she has such a kind heart it felt right for her to have this name. I didn't really do much research into her name as it was the first one that came to mind for her. Sometimes I'm either right on the money the first time around or I have to do a little bit of figuring out before a character's name ends up being chosen. Like I say, Nanette's came right to me.
Of course, her surname is MacTavish because I kept seeing husband headcanons and what he'd be like as a dad and I needed that. So they're married.
Prior to that, though, her maiden name was Oakley! The only reason I chose this surname was because of how earthy is sounded - Nanette to me is someone very grounded, earthly, and she's also a Virgo. By extension, her father is very green-fingered and her mother loves nature. The family name fits all three of their personalities so it just fit too well not to go with it.
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Thank you so much for reading this far, I hope I didn't rattle your ear off too much!
Overall I love all my ocs' names but I think I like Bell's the most, if only because of how complicated their meanings are for that character in connection with the storyline.
As for tagging other people, I'm not sure who's been tagged and who hasn't. If you've already done this, I'm sorry for the re-tag and I'm heading straight over to read your behind the oc name posts.
@angstkings @walder-138 @adlerboi @adlersoldspice uh uh uh panique- and uh @ anyone else who wanna do it!
Goodness gracious me, who thought tagging people would be stressful-
Anyway, have an absolutely wonderful day as each and every one of you deserves it. Remember to be kind to yourselves <3
with much honk,
Goose
#call of duty#black ops cold war#cod mw2#writing#tag game#iamcautiouslyoptimistic#thank you for the tag love!#cod ocs#cod bell oc#jodie hall#nanette mactavish#franca lorenzetti#mw oc#bocw oc
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I can't believe I got motivation out of nationality-
Good guys
Dream: Soarele dreptăţii which mean The sun of Justice in Romanian. Dream Light/Yume Raito (夢 ライト) is his current name.
Ink: インクコミエット sounded Inku Comyet but I changed it and her name is Iko Comyet. After marrying Dream, her last name is Light/Raito.
Swap/Blue - Edmund Wyatt
Hope- "Fyodorova Nadezhda Mikhailovna" ("Фëдоровна Надежда Михайловна" I got from Google Translate, not sure if it's right) @canon-vi Is this correct? 🤔. Anyway, Hope had to changed their name to fit in the society and the empire. Plus if she use that name, she'll be hunted easier-
Bad guys
Corrupted Nightmare (Alphonse) - Alphonse Elric (Alphonse means noble, ready for battle, this name was from German and French origin.) Elric means wise ruler, this last name was given by Passive Nightmare.
Killer - Siti Nur Amaris binti Mohammad Rusak/سيتي نور امراس بنت محمد روساق (Amaris Rusak for short because she don't like she came from Indonesian and being so fucked up in life) her names mean, Siti= Lady, Nur= Light, Amaris= promised by God, binti= daughter of, Rusak= ruined/broken.
Dust - Пил (Dust) Ukrainian, she doesn't have a real name, Dust is just a name she picked up. After Alphonse recruited her, Dust change her name to Serene while learning English.
Horror - schreckliches Auge (Which is harder to be pronounce but it means Horrific eye,) Alphonse then named him 'Jack Blackwell'.
I'll continue other later because I'm getting headaches out of nowhere 😭
#undertale au#dream sans#ink sans#swap sans#blue sans#corrupted nightmare sans#dust sans#horror sans#yes ink is a female#dust is basically trans in e.l.a#killer is a woman too 💀#don't judge#killer sans#evil lux au#everything was translate from google#I apologized if some of the names are wrong meaning
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I, uh, don't have many people here that I know, and you ask me for nine people that I want to get better? Thanks for the tag, @quotesandmiracles, but this part of the chain dies with me >:3
Three ships
Orpheus and Eurydice in Hades (because of the music, of course it's because of the music, I will always listen to Darren Korb's tracks with reverence), Hound/Sandor Clegane and Lady Brienne from Game of Thrones (they have one scene in which they fight, and one scene in which they talk about why they fought and that's it, I want more of these two idiots trying to kill each other for whatever knightly reasons) and finally Christoph and Darell from Kindret (a relatively obscure russian book from 2006) (this is just the best kind of platonic friendship - two dudes helping each other through all the hardships, they are intimate through shared passion and grief, Chris even going as far as to excorcise a god rather than kill it on an off chance that Darell might survive, just mwah, dudes being bros to the grave and beyond)
First ship
I don't do fandom, but the earliest relationship I can remember that I can reasonably point to and say "I ship it" is Roy Mustang and Liza Hawkeye from Full Metal Alchemist. It's a fun one - romantic relationships didn't make a lot of sense for me, most of them just registering as "a plot device to make two characters care about each other". This justification was so pervasive in media, that whenever two characters of opposing sex have two much tying them together, I awaited a kiss scene like one would await a dentist's appointment - with hope that it comes and passes without much pain. It never happened with those two and it was such a relief that they kept it in character - business only. And yes, I'm calling lieutenant Liza, this is the hill I will die on.
Last song
I almost always have background music, even now as I'm writing this. I can't sleep, which means whatever relaxed epic I liked the most recently, which is Crimson Crown by Swallow the Sun, pulled right out of the depth of Spotify, cursed be its name.
Last movie
Either Nimona or Banshees of Inisherin, and I don't think I can figure out which. Nimona is Nimona, you know it. Banshees is not what I expected of it, but still very enjoyable once you become comfortable answering the questions it poses.
Currently reading
Congregation by Nadezhda Popova, recommended to me by @reflingthefox. The protagonist, a newly appointed inquisitor and investigator on his first case, is such a relatable character to me in the way he thinks and overthinks and spirals into his thoughts, never quite sure if he's doing his best. A nice book to have when you need to kill some time.
Currently watching
Elementary, yet another retelling of Sherlock Holmes, in which he's a recovering addict, and Joan (!) Watson is his sober companion. I'm just a sucker for hyper intelligent detective protagonists, I'll probably watch Mentalist next someday.
Currently consuming
Uhhh, tea shroom, which is just a basic combucha, protein shakes, and whichever soda finds itself in our fridge
Currently craving
More intimate, quiet time with my boyfriend, more opportunities and energy to meet him
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OC Name Meaning Tag
Was tagged for this one by @mariahwritesstuff and @queenslayerbee, so thank you!
Also tagging: @linaket, @k--havok, @alistonjdrake, @magic-is-something-we-create, and @ashen-crest. Have fun!
Rules: Put down an OC or more and tell what their name means.
I'm doing this game for ASMLP, where the names chosen had little to do with their meaning and moreso with the vibes of it all. That said, I did make a couple of intentional choices. The country this is set in also has a lot of French inspo (among others) and so that's the base I chose when going through names to try and fit my cast. I tend to go off of the vibes and "mouth feel" of it all. That said, let's look at all the major players and what their names mean!
Warning, this post is kinda long.
Simone Allard
French feminine form of Simon, which according to BehindtheName, is
From Σίμων (Simon), the New Testament Greek form of the Hebrew name שִׁמְעוֹן (Shim'on) meaning "hearing, listening", derived from שָׁמַע (shama') meaning "to hear, to listen".
Going back to Simone, "A famous bearer was Simone de Beauvoir (1908-1986), a French feminist and philosopher." and I think that's cool.
Their last name, Allard, is derived from the given name Adalhard and is
Derived from the Old German elements adal "noble" and hart "hard, firm, brave, hardy".
The last name was chosen intentionally, as Simone attempts to embody these traits (and ultimately fails).
Nadia Dupont
Nadia is a variant of Nadya, which itself is a Russian/Bulgarian diminutive of Nadezhda, which means "Hope". I didn't know this when I chose her name--I chose it off of Vibes TBH--but now that I do know this, it makes her name all the more ironic, I think.
Her last name, DuPont, means "from the bridge". That wasn't a choice intentionally done, either, I just thought the first and last name sounded nice together.
Etienne LaChance
Etienne, which is sans the little accent on the first E, is the French form of Stephen, which itself is
From the Greek name Στέφανος (Stephanos) meaning "crown, wreath", more precisely "that which surrounds".
Which,,, somewhat fits, given his kinda prissy nature and thinking he's better than everyone (he's right. somewhat).
As for his last name, LaChance, that just means "chance, luck" which was partly chosen off of Vibes and partly chosen off of irony, as he's got the best outcome by the end of all three of the MCs.
Chantal Bellarose
According to BehindtheName, Chantal means
From a French surname that was derived from a place name meaning "stony". It was originally given in honour of Saint Jeanne-Françoise de Chantal, the founder of the Visitation Order in the 17th century. It has become associated with French chant "song".
Which is cool! But I mostly chose it off of Vibes and because I like the name. As for her last name, I know for a fact I saw it on the surname section of BTN but now it's trying to gaslight me. Anyway, I just think it's pretty.
Professor Darzi
Darzi as a surname is a Persian word which means "tailor" (allegedly). I chose it partly because it looks nice and partly because Professor Darzi is such a tailored and well put together man.
Doctor Aiza
Aiza as a last name comes from "Aizt", Basque for "rock or stone" (allegedly). According to BTN, as a first name it's possibly Urdu in origin, but gives me no meaning beyond that. However, when I look it up, I'm told it can mean "replacement or substitute"... Either way, I mostly chose it for Vibes but it,,, oddly fits, in a way.
Professor Favreau
Favreau is a diminutive of Favre, which is itself a variant of Fèvre, which is
Occupational name meaning "blacksmith" in Old French, derived from Latin faber.
This was somewhat intentional, given the Professor's personality and appearance. As Nadia says,
She’s a monochrome woman: grey coat, black scarf, white hair. The brightest things about her are the chunky rings she wears, a rainbow of gems gleaming in the watery sunlight coming through the window behind her.
Alienor
Found this one on a French list somewhere. This is a variant of Aliénor, which is the French form of Eleanor, which gets this entry on BTN:
From the Old French form of the Occitan name Alienòr. Among the name's earliest bearers was the influential Eleanor of Aquitaine (12th century), who was the queen of Louis VII, the king of France, and later Henry II, the king of England. She was named Aenor after her mother, and was called by the Occitan phrase alia Aenor "the other Aenor" in order to distinguish her from her mother. However, there appear to be examples of bearers prior to Eleanor of Aquitaine. It is not clear whether they were in fact Aenors who were retroactively recorded as having the name Eleanor, or whether there is an alternative explanation for the name's origin.
I just chose it cause it sounded cool, to be honest.
#tag games#alex has the floor#long post#writeblr#asmlp#simone allard#nadia dupont#etienne lachance#chantal bellarose
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Wanted to share with y'all- Here are some doodles of my current D&D character, Nadezhda Dawnriver! She's a half-elf, half-orc paladin of the Oath of the Eldritch Hunt!
She's from a Steinhardt's Guide to the Eldritch Hunt campaign I'm in, which if you don't know is based very heavily on Bloodborne!
Nadezhda, or Nadja for short, is a new recruit in the order of the Grey Templars, and as part of her oath she has imbibed the Old Blood to give her the power to fight the beasts that infect the city. She has to grapple with the corruption growing inside of herself alongside the corruption she discovers in the religion that means so much to her. Her faith in the Radiant One is nearly unshakeable, but she's young, idealistic, and naive to the realities of the city outside of the Cathedral where she grew up. Also she's personally visited by angelic and demonic entities that try to influence her but she doesn't think too much about it, right? She's just a soldier and a citizen, who works hard to do the right thing. She isn't anyone special. Right?
Anyway... a recent incident led Nadja to slip, giving in to the hunger of the beast within for a moment, something that could likely get her killed by the church she's dedicated her life to... here's some doodles of what that may have looked like :D
anyway hope you like my little meow meow as much as i do. I love to torture her with crises of faith and prophetic visions
#oddly art#art#pencil drawing#doodles#D&D art#eldritch abomination#cool art#AHHH i love her so much there's so much conflict in this one little paladin#i love working through the complex feelings about the good and bad sides of religion with d&d paladins it's SO FUN
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Pretty Little Thing
CHAPTER THREE - wasting away
warnings: thoughts of not being good enough, steve kinda being an asshole
word count: 1.81k
The Avengers’ compound was much bigger than she expected it to be. With every step she took, she considered turning right back around and returning to her nearly condemned apartment. Nadezhda remembered the original Avengers’ tower, how it had become a beacon of hope for the city of New York. She also remembered how people had nearly despised the team after the 2012 Battle of New York, how the once admired team had been under constant fire at the sight of a nearly destroyed city. Of course, they came back from it gallantly, they always did. No one could turn away from Steve Rogers when he spoke, and Nadezhda despised him for that.
A light pink jacket covered her body, the hood pulled over her dark hair and nearly hid her face. When she finally reached the door, she took a deep breath, muttering fuck it before entering the chilled lobby. The windows that surrounded the ground floor let in the constant stream of sunlight which gave her a slight headache. White sunglasses sat on her face, the only way to block out the bright yellow rays.
Approaching the front desk, a pretty blonde sat behind it, a headpiece reaching her red painted lips. “Hello! How can I help you today?”
Ignoring the fact that she was overly perky for nine in the morning, Nadezhda answered, “I guess I’m here to see the Avengers.”
The blonde raised an eyebrow, typing on the computer, asking, “Do you have an appointment?”
“I didn’t know I needed one, I was told they were expecting me.”
She let out a huff, “You need an appointment to meet with the Avengers, they’re very busy.”
Pulling down her sunglasses, red irises were exposed, “They’re expecting me.”
Fear was easy to smell, Nadezhda had learned early on that it radiated from the pores, giving a very sweet scent. That same aroma was coming from the blonde behind the desk.
“I’ll just call for Mr. Stark.”
A calm voice called out, “No need.”
“Romanoff, good to see the red’s back.”
“Komarova, nice to see your fangs are still sharp,” Natasha said playfully. They gave each other short hugs before Nat was asking her to follow. The elevator ride up to the fifth floor was short, which made Nadezhda partially nervous. Once they stepped out of the cramped space, she got to take in the living area of the compound. Another redhead was sitting on the couch and, even though her head was turned, Nadezhda knew it was Wanda Maximoff.
Her voice rang out, “I suppose Fury told you what I said.”
“You tell me, mind-reader,” she quipped, a smile on her glossed lips.
Wanda’s head finally turned, “I know I’m right. We do have a lot in common.” Nadezhda knew that to be true, the three women had more in common than any of them were willing to admit. They had all been taken advantage of, turned into machines to do the bidding of their controllers. Somehow, the Avengers had managed to take broken and beaten down people and turn them into heroes, seeking the glory that they were sure they didn’t deserve.
“You must be Nadezhda, you know Romanoff?” Tony Stark looked astronomically different than what she had seen on TV, thinner and definitely less egotistical. She knew Thanos broke them apart just as Hydra had done to her. It even made her a little sympathetic.
“Are you assuming I know her because we’re both Russian?” Her eyebrow quirked at him.
After he gave an unassuming shrug, she answered, “I mean, you’re right, we do know each other.” Tony laughed, giving her a firm pat on the back.
“Rogers! New recruit’s here!” He yelled, the mentioned Captain jogging slightly out to the area, the former Winter Soldier trailing much slower behind him.
He did a double take at Nadezhda, “I thought you said the new recruit was here?” She took this opportunity to remove her sunglasses, for no other reason so that he could see her roll her eyes.
Natasha snipped, “She is the new recruit, asshole.”
“She’s so...pink,” he observed, eyeing the white skirt that barely fell to the middle of her thighs.
“She could kick your ass.” Nadezhda smiled passively aggressively at the blond, who she decided was way too big for his own good.
“Name?” He virtually demanded it from her, which annoyed her more.
“Nadezhda, but you can call me Nadiona.”
“Those are nowhere near each other?”
Bucky and Natasha sighed. Bucky placed a hand on his friend’s soldier, “It’s the informal version of her name, it’s just Russian, Steve.”
Nadiona, as she would be more commonly known from this point, giggled at him. In response, he scoffed at her, and she immediately cut herself off, angered by this man. The man the city idolized was a dick, she asserted. Wanda let out a quiet giggle, quickly apologizing.
“Why don’t you take off your jacket and Wanda and I can show you around?” Nat asked, her hand outstretched, waiting for the pink garment.
Instantly regretting waiting to do her laundry until the night before, she sheepishly took off her outerwear, revealing a cropped, low-cut white tank top. It wouldn’t have been as bad if that had been the extent of the shirt but, of course, it wasn’t. In a light pink, cursive font, the word “baby” was sewn into the fabric.
“Aww, ‘baby’ that’s cute, I like that,” Wanda proclaimed, “C’mon Baby, let’s start the tour.”
It wasn’t as bad of a nickname as Nadiona had thought it would be. Ironic, really. Sharp fangs protruded from her gums, poison rampant in her veins, but one of the strongest Avengers was calling her “Baby”.
Natasha and Wanda led her through the maze-like hallways of the compound, and she was trying her best to keep up with her location. They instructed her to use FRIDAY if she ever got lost, seeing the confusion as they turned down another hall. Eventually, they reached another elevator, Nat’s finger pressing the highest number on the board, 7.
“Floor 5 is mainly just the necessities, training rooms, the kitchen, living area, things like that,” Nat explained, “6 is the lab, I doubt you’ll ever really need to be in there. 1 through 4 are the meeting rooms where we’ll be doing debriefings, briefings, and the occasional meetings with the US government whenever they see fit. 7 is where the living quarters are.”
Wanda looked at the other redhead, “Nat, you forgot to mention the best part about 5.” She turned back towards Nadiona, “5 is also where the event room is, Baby!”
They both took each of Nadiona’s hands as they exited into what resembled a lobby area. Looking around, she noticed a large window that overlooked the grounds of the compound, as well as a balcony. There was also a couch in this space, though it looked as if it was definitely used more, especially considering the large TV that sat atop of the mantle in the center of the area. A fireplace was below it, though that really didn’t mean much to someone who couldn’t feel any temperature.
Wanda took her hand once more, leading her down another few sets of hallways, calling out whose rooms they were as they passed. She had managed to sneak a few looks into the ones whose doors had been left open or slightly ajar. Sam Wilson’s room was extremely tidy, bed made, no clothes strewn anywhere, really just a complete opposite of her apartment. Bucky’s room was dark, his sheets a charcoal grey sitting under a black comforter, which was messily thrown from his bed. Peter Parker’s room looked exactly how she expected a teenage boy’s room to look, with the exception of the lego creations he had on some of the shelves.
“He’s a very nice boy, didn’t live with us full time until he started college. Be careful, though, if you listen to him long enough, he’ll start talking about Star Wars, and it’s hard to get him to stop,” Wanda explained about the teenager.
She had definitely noticed that when they passed by Steve’s room, the door was shut, and locked. It made her wonder what secrets he didn’t want the rest of his team finding out. Was he just messy? Did he have a brothel of women in there, serving him? She needed to know, just to sate this overwhelming feeling of annoyance she already felt towards him.
They stopped at another closed door, which Nat announced was her room. As the three women stepped in, Nadiona noticed it was very Natasha, in a good way. Her bed was right next to the door, and she knew Nat slept right next to the door in the event of a blitz attack. The room decor was similar to Bucky’s in its dark nature, but it was contrasted by the smiling photos she had placed around the room. A bookshelf sat in the corner, next to a desk, containing a multitude of books in varying languages, particularly Russian. A bathroom was connected to the room, and Nat explained that all of them were like that.
Wanda’s room was similar, in that it very much reflected her. Orange and yellow was the common theme of her living area, brightening up the room. Nadiona also noticed a lot of plants were placed around the room, breathing life into the air, refreshing it. Even her bathroom was decorated with the same scheme, a few plants in floating holders in there as well.
Finally, they led her to what would be her room. It was bare, save for a single lamp in the corner of the room. It smelled stale and was dreadfully boring. The beige walls would have to be changed immediately.
“Yeah, no one’s used this room in...well, ever,” Nat laughed.
Wanda inquired, “So when do you think you’ll move in?”
The thought, as well as the many others she was having, drew her head back in confusion. Nervously, she answered, “I haven’t decided on anything yet. I’m not sure I want to do this.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not an Avenger, I-I’m the thing from peoples’ nightmares! I’ve never saved the world, just destroyed the good people in it. I don’t think I have what it takes to be like you guys, and I don’t think I ever will. You’re the good, I’m the bad. You shouldn’t even be entertaining the thought of me being here, with you,” Nadiona was on the floor now, absolutely defeated. Those kinds of thoughts had crept into her mind before, but saying them out loud made them real, made them true. She wasn’t fit to be here, and she knew she should have never come.
Wanda kneeled on the ground next to her, a smile on her face, “You came here, didn’t you?”
#Steve Rogers#Steven Grant Rogers#steve rogers x oc#steve rogers smut#steve rogers imagine#Bucky Barnes#natasha romanoff#Natasha Romonova#wanda maximoff#peter parker#tony stark#sam wilson#captain america#ca:tfa#CA:TWS#ca:cw#Non Canon#infinity war#clint barton#Thor Odinson#loki laufeyson#Avengers#The Avengers#endgame
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Name Meanings
I was tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton Thank you so much!! ^_^
Not sure who to tag so anyone join in who wants to!
I’ll pick a small group, I have waaaaay too many OCs that I still care about.
Captain Alysia “Aly” Hawthorne - The Outer Worlds
“Alysia” is a variant for Alyssa which means “Rational”. And in many ways Alysia’s main struggle is her rational sense of right and wrong butting up against the uncaring force of capitalism in Halcyon.
I never came up with a last name and I literally forgot my reasoning for it until filling this out. She takes on the name Alex Hawthorne which is an in-game option very early on. Then I developed the nickname “Aly” which could be used for “Alex” or “Alysia”.
And I just never worked past that. Her surname is just “Hawthorne” now which is from the Old English haegborn or hagethorn and meant “thorn used for making hedges and enclosures.”
Calder Jacobson - Fallout 4
“Calder” means “From The Wild Water”. Calder was actually from an original story I was writing where Zavidah, the Goddess of Animals and Shapeshifting, turns Calder into the first werewolf. I didn’t have a good feeling for his personality so I decided to throw him into Fallout 4 and see what happened. I can’t remember how I chose his name but it seems fitting.
“Jacobson” mean “son of Jacob”. I don’t remember choosing it and I low-key hate it now. But here we are.
Erimenthan “Erim” Lavellan - Dragon Age Inquisition
“Erimenthan” is a made-up male variant of “Erimentha” which was part of my original Tumblr handle and it means “ Collector Of Thoughts, Determined Protector”. In trying to come up with an elven name for my first DA:I playthrough this seemed very fitting. And then I created “Erim” as a nickname for him.
“Lavellan” is of course not chosen by me but is the elf background surname given by the game. And it’s not even a surname but a clan name. But it’s origins are in Scottish folklore as a mythical creature Wikipedia describes as a very large noxious rat like creature that lives in deep pools of rivers. So big side-eye to Bioware for that one.
Nadezhda “Nadi” Trevelyan - Dragon Age Inquisition
“Nadezhda” means “Hope” and “Nadi” is just nickname from that which she prefers to go by.
Once again a Bioware provided surname, “Trevelyan” is a Welsh and Cornish name derived from a place-name which originally meant "farmstead 'trev' or Tref (town in Welsh) of Elyan" which reading through a few sites is pretty common for Medieval surname development. “Elyan” is of unknown meaning in it’s English origins. But in Arabic the name means roughly “One Who Climbs Upwards” or “Exalted” among other similar meanings. So arguably a much nicer surname than “poisonous river rat cryptid”. Looking at you Bioware!
Osyen Trevelyan - Dragon Age Inquisition
“Osyen” is a made-up variant of the Welsh name “Osian” which is a variant of the Celtic name “Oisin” meaning “Little Deer”. Oisin is also a the famous warrior poet in Irish mythology. I actually spent some time on Osyen’s backstory giving him seven siblings also with Welsh names. Can’t entirely remember why I chose Welsh, but it was related to some deep digging I did into the Trevelyan surname and in-game origins of Ostwick and the Free Marches. I honestly need to do better about taking notes for my OCs.
Liam Harper - Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
“Liam” means “With Gilded Helmet” and funnily enough he does have blond hair. But I honestly didn’t realize the connection until now. I just liked the name.
“Harper” is an occupational surname for someone who plays the harp. Again not intentional. I just like it. Liam isn’t musically inclined but I’m sure he could make an excellent analogy of how writing is very much like plucking the strings of a harp.
Anlanihal “Anla” - Skyrim
“Anlanihal” is a made-up name I initially created as one of Erim’s exes in my very long WIP for him. I actually liked the name so much I used it in a D&D campaign for an Elf Barbarian who was a lot of fun. And then when I wanted to try and actually finish Skyrim for once I made a Bosmer Elf and named her “Anlanihal”.
I would have sworn dollars to donuts that “Anla” was a popular name. It does not seem to be. I cannot find it’s meaning anywhere. However, there are a handful people around the world with that name that popped up on Google....and it is a popular acronym.
She also doesn’t have a surname. One could argue it would be Lavellan since she is part of Erim’s clan in my initial rendition of her. But now knowing it means “toxic nutria of lore” I might consider something else.
#this is more than i planned to do#but i love them all!#it was so hard to decide!#my ocs#not all but most of them#oc calder jacobson#oc captain alysia#oc liam harper#oc erimenthan lavellan#oc osyen trevelyan#oc anlanihal#oc nadezhda trevelyan#name meanings#tag game
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Overview of My OCs [Part I]
So... this story in my head is way too big to fit into one post (not only cause I think my computer’s gonna die before I finish this up), so I’m just gonna post the overview of my characters in parts. I do plan on doing individual posts when I can but like... who know if that’ll actually happen lmao whoops.
Anyways I’m not sure about all the names because I spend a lot of time thinking about names and I’ve never been comfortable naming characters, especially names coming from a language I don’t speak and a culture I’m not completely familiar with. Still, all of the names I chose basically are thought out.
Also I will be giving extra information in brackets because I am... like that!
If the name meanings are off I’m sorry the internet is a pain for research sometimes.
Land of Nadezhda [Meaning Hope in Russian, no guesses as to where I got the idea for this from]
Irina [Peace] – Second daughter of the emperor of Nadezhda, one of six sisters [reference to Luxembourg sisters]. Whole family was massacred by the Aurum faction of Nadezhda, which quickly rose to power after the wipeout of the emperor’s family. Managed to survive by running into the snow and hiding. Almost died except for the fire spirit which dwelled inside of her – all members of the imperial family were said to have one. Then was eventually picked up by the royalist faction, aptly named Argentum.
Wishes to regain the throne at all costs, does not truly understand why her family was hated, but slowly grows to learn why. Then, the moral and existential crisis hits and I haven’t really planned the story beyond that tbh. She does lead an army into battle multiple times though which is very sexy of her.
[Yes this very much began as a what if about the Russian Revolution but with magic and I can’t decide if I want these people to wear sarafans or ‘modern’ court dresses. Either way I cannot escape the Romanovs even if I tried.]
Pozhar [Fire] – Spirit that dwells within Irina, symbolizes will to survive. Is definitely some kind of animal, but tbh not really sure which animal yet. We’ll figure it out. Has no discernable personality because it’s a metaphor, not really a character but, y’know, woot.
Ekaterina [Pure] – A spirit of fate, based off of the Dola [which I could find next to no information about], or the Rozhanitsy [A group of three women spirits involved in fate which I could find a Czech Wikipedia page for so… progress? Wow I wish I spoke a Slavic language right about now.] Contacts Irina because Irina is destined to have a great hand in deciding the fate of Nadezhda. While Ekaterina [Whose name is an illusion to Catherine the Great] is invested in keeping Irina alive, she does not see the world in terms of empathy or sympathy. To her the only right thing is to walk the path that fate gives one, that she must see completed [Ekaterina as a name meaning pure also references this, her one track goal which while ‘pure’ also disconnects her from the complexity of human emotions, which can lead to her looking down on humanity and unable to empathize with them. She’s not a textbook ‘good’ character by any means, she is a force of nature/destiny]. Often comes off as cold. Is an advisor to Irina.
Kira [Leader, Ruler, Of the People] – Youngest leader of the Aurum Army. Is fiercely anti-monarchist, not for personal reasons, her family was very much pro-monarchy and was never persecuted under the imperial reign, but for moral and philosophical reasons. As such is often very cold and calculating in how she works, something that endears her to the Army, since she is seen as reliable. Still her hatred runs very deep, and she is often very mercenary in the ways she deal with people. Has a reputation for being very bloodthirsty, but is not an inherently violent person, only a very idealistic person. She does not let the world around her change her goals, she changes the world instead.
An aspect of her idealism that other people don’t really get to see is the nature of who she was. She believes that her parents named her Kira for a reason, that it is her destiny to be here, and it is her destiny to be victorious. She must not allow herself to step down from her destiny, or to shy away form it, for that would be the greatest of failure. Thus she blinds herself to the sufferings of others to realize her goals.
Fyodor [Gift, Divine Gift] – Kira’s brother [They’re prolly twins because of course they are]. A gentle soul, Fyodor only joined the army so he could stay with his sister. Though he does not like the monarchy, he is not virulent the way Kira is, being more of a pacifist, an idealist in a more positive and dream-like way. He is also often ill, something that troubles Kira, yet attempts to hide his illness. He is often seen as a burden by other high-ranking members of the army, but in reality he is intensely intelligent. Kira’s actions have great ramifications on Fyodor.
[He’s named and based off of one of my favorite Romanov tsars, Feodor III, who ruled before Ivan V and Peter I – later to be Peter the Great. Despite being physically disabled, being partially paralyzed, he took the first steps towards the westernized Russia that his brother Peter would become so famous for. He was the purveyor of many liberal reforms of the court, and very intelligent. He also was deeply in love with his first wife, which is not relevant to the character I just have a lot of emotions.]
Yakov [Supplanter] – The other big name in the Aurum Army. Has a very personal hatred for the imperial system, as his brother was part of riots against the Imperial family – something which he was executed for after the revolutionaries began assassination attempts on high ranking politicians and members of the extended imperial family [Yes this is a reference to Vladimir Lenin’s brother I have no shame]. Deeply angered by the survival of Irina and other members of the imperial family, Yakov wishes to destroy them all, personally if he can help it. Often butts heads with Kira for that reason, as he has no interests in politically planning and cunning.
A violent person, Yakov causes a lot of discord within the army, being very popular with a large part of the soldiers, but not the higher ups. His only principle is that a dead member of the imperial family is the only good member of the imperial family.
[Took Yakov’s name from Yakov Yurovsky, who played a key part in the execution of the Romanov family. Though tbh I don’t actually have a lot of antipathy towards Yurovsky, seeing him mostly as a historical figure following orders and whose actions from the perspective of a historian must be detached from personal feeling, especially considering how complicated my feelings towards the Romanovs are. In my opinion however, the worst executioner of the Romanov dynasty was a man named Peter Ermakov who was just… the worst. Don’t look up the details of the death of the Romanov family if you don’t have a strong stomach is all I’m saying.]
Anyways that’s the end of the first part. Second part coming... sometime. Hope y’all enjoy.
#bern's original characters#bern speaks#bern writes#ocs#original characters#too many bern tags on this one boys
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YouTube Rewind 2028: Back From The Brink | #YouTubeRewind
unpossiblr 4 years ago
Is anyone else still out there? I figure I should post this here because, well, youtube’s still running, isn’t it? There’s got to be someone out there, the engineers or technicians or whatever, whoever you are who’s seeing this. This is crazy, all the lights on, all the videos still playing, and yet it’s so quiet. The trending bar’s on the fritz, I think. Videos with zero views surfacing over and over again, the last ones uploaded before the end. I haven’t watched any of them. I don’t want to. But I’m alive. I don’t know why I’m still alive but I am. And you’re alive too. Whoever’s reading this. Where are you? Please, just contact me somehow. I’ll be refreshing the comments on this video. If you’re out there just say something. I’m all alone. I’m scared.
unpossiblr 4 years ago
hello? Is anyone else out there? Is anyone else seeing this? The servers have to be up, which means that there’s got to be someone maintaining them. I don’t know if you can see the screen, or if my comments here are just a blip of energy or a light going off or whatever, but you’ve got to see this. Anyone. Just a sign, anything. I’ve been exploring, and there’s no one, no one. I think we may be the only ones left.
unpossiblr 4 years ago
I’m still here.
unpossiblr 4 years ago
I’m still here, and you are too. Say something. Comment. Give me a goddamn like. Or dislike! Make the numbers change. Increment a counter somewhere. I’ve scavenged food. I have shelter. if we can meet up I can help you. Or if we can’t meet up, we can trade info, we can help each other.
We can not be so alone.
unpossiblr 3 years ago
I’m still here. I am leaving a mark. if anyone sees this in the future, contact me. I’m still listening.
unpossiblr 3 years ago
please
DOOMSDAY PREPPERS: 10 Urban Survival Hacks
unpossiblr 3 years ago
bookmarking for future use
A World Without People | Ahrman Dijkgraaf | TEDxKlagenfurt
unpossiblr 3 years ago
bookmark
POST-APOCALYPSE COOKING CHALLENGE | Can we make something edible with canned CHEESE??
unpossiblr 3 years ago
bookmark
unpossiblr 3 years ago
fucking bullshit
ASMR MUKBANG with LEXIE | Spicy Noodle & Grilled Squid
unpossiblr 3 years ago
I guess I should be leaving comments on these videos, just in case someone else stumbles onto them? Leave a mark. This is a fucking terrible one to start on, but whatever. I haven’t seen anyone else in months, so what if I want to watch someone enjoying a goddamn meal? We eat together, me out of my cans and her in that nicely lit room with all the plates of food laid out so that i can almost smell them and her cute little chopsticks. What, you’re going to fucking judge me for that? Hell, bring it on. Judge me for it all you like, sure. It’ll be an icebreaker, at least.
North Tacoma County Instructional Video on Working with Energized Power Lines
unpossiblr 3 years ago
I was here.
PTSD and Holistic Qi Gong Meditation Rituals for Recovery and Stress Reduction
unpossiblr 3 years ago
I was here.
The 10 Most Breathtaking Places In The World
unpossiblr 3 years ago
It’s here. It’s just all here. All the videos ever uploaded to youtube. Millions of them. Billions. Every place, every country in the world. All the people. No new videos, no new views but mine, and yet it’s all here, pristine, preserved, while everything else rots away. And as long as I can siphon enough gasoline to keep my generator running, it’s mine, all of it. Everything else has gone to shit. But not this. Not this.
Anti-War Hysteria EXPOSES Liberals’ Scorn For Human Resilience, They Don’t Think We Can Win
unpossiblr 3 years ago
you fucking piece of shit. How’d that chest-thumping go for you, huh? How’d you die? I hope you died scared shitless. I hope you watched all your family die before you, i hope you watched their skin melt away and while they were dying they knew it was your fault and that you couldn’t save them. Fuck you and every sub-literate hooting troglodyte fan of yours who took us right up to the brink and pushed us over
unpossiblr 3 years ago
@catullus-rex fuck you
unpossiblr 3 years ago
@HorganWoosley how’d you die, huh? I hope it was painful. big guy, big tough guy. you weren’t immune to radiation, were you?
unpossiblr 3 years ago
@ThatGuyWithTheTopHat did you remember making this comment when you died? Did it flash before your eyes? I hope it was the last thing you remembered, i hope it was all you could think about, what a miserable wrong idiot failure you were, how your entire life was a miserable example of humanity marching off a cliff
unpossiblr 3 years ago
@QD99419 go to hell
unpossiblr 3 years ago
@TheSkepticalGamer who’s alive now, huh? and you’re rotting. you’re dead. you’re meat. I hope you’re one of the bodies I had to drag out of the corridors with your eyeballs burned out like that. you’re stinking rotting meat
fuck you
fuck you all
Ruin Of The Stars - Part 127 | We Meet Our Maker (END)
unpossiblr 2 years ago
I’ve got to tell you man, I’ve watched maybe twenty different let’s plays of this by now, and you’re the only person I’ve ever seen to get the ‘apotheosis’ ending with Nadezhda. I didn’t even know it was possible. That’s the depth of this game, it’s such an underappreciated classic, that even in disintegrating systems of entropy it’s still possible to ‘save’ everyone, if only for a moment, if only in that split-second before you have to cut the tether and let go. That was some real emotion, man, and I’m glad I got to experience this with you. You should really check out wobbletuffet’s let’s play of this, it really diverges from yours, how she deals with the bush crawlers may surprise you!
PRO vs GRANDMA: Chicken Noodle Soup | The Yum Chums
unpossiblr 2 years ago
@jenny-garland lmao you’re right how’s anyone supposed to beat granny’s recipe!
unpossiblr 2 years ago
@fobby-bray just like my nana used to make :)
Cozy Dinner for Two at an Italian Restaurant [ASMR]
unpossiblr 2 years ago
My day was actually pretty good, thanks for asking. I found a new cache of canned goods, altho I had to fight off like a feral dog or something to get it. I don’t know what it was for sure, it’s hard to tell when their skin is sloughing off like that. Don’t know how they’re still alive, or how they survived when no one else did - Or maybe they’re not dogs at all, just something else ...
But sorry, yeah, I don’t want to get into work here. This place is lovely. The music, the atmosphere, the ... everything. I love it here. I love our date nights together. Mm. The food’s great. I love it here, just being with you.
unpossiblr 2 years ago
This is so stupid. I just keep coming back to this one video, to our date at Il Fresco, because I can see what’s happening. We’re running out of videos. There’s three more, and that’s it. That’s all you made. That’s all you ever uploaded when you were alive.
And - that’s it. I know you’re dead, I know everyone’s dead. And I could just start again, if I wanted, rewind to the beginning or pick and choose, relive those moments that have faded in my mind, because really they’re preserved forever now. They’re immortal. And I thought - there are millions of videos on youtube. Billions. More than I could ever watch in a lifetime. It’s a world, of which I could only ever experience the smallest part of it. And if I run out of someone’s uploads, well - people die. People die in real life. They are dead in real life. And all I can do is know them, the smallest part of them, for a little while. While they’re here. While it lasts. And I thought - it’s all the videos on youtube. More than I could ever watch. And I really thought I’d be all right.
But there are three videos left, Lexie. And I keep looking at them, the last three, the last three there’ll ever be. And I’m terrified you’re going to die, Lexie. And i don’t know what to do.
Spa Date! [ASMR]
unpossiblr 2 years ago
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I did this. Lexie, you’re dead. And you could have lived forever, all of you, preserved together somehow in this beautiful hall of mirrors that never dies or fades, but I kept watching. It’s the last video you ever made. Will ever make. And you’re dead for real now. Dead for good. Never coming back. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sorry Lexie. RIP. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. Rest in peace.
this is the END OF THE WORLD as in Revelations pray for us pray for all humanity
unpossiblr 1 year ago
god why did i watch this. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.
Are We In Hell? // Ask a Satanist
unpossiblr 11 months ago
bookmark
Awww - So Adorable! ♡ Fun and Happy Cutest Baby Animal Compilations of 2028 ♡ | Cute Baby Animals #3
unpossiblr 8 months ago
bookmark
Radiation Poisoning: Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment
unpossiblr 5 months ago
oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckohfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuck me
fuck
Parents and Children React(TM) to Make-A-Wish (Kids with life-threatening illnesses)
unpossiblr 5 months ago
it’ll be okay
it’s just one moment of carelessness, all these fucking years alone and I fuck up once, but it’ll be okay
look how stupid this is and ludicrous and beautiful. it’s a miracle. that everything else died and Youtube, Youtube of all things survived. inexplicably. for no reason. just like me.
and now I’m dying and this is humanity, you know? Youtube. All of it. all that’s left. millions, billions of videos, maybe longer than the lifetime of human civilization, all stacked end to end. more than I could see. more than I could have ever seen. and now I’m throwing up on myself constantly and i can’t eat and my teeth are falling out and i’m going to die and be the worms in the earth, and there’ll just be all these stupid beautiful ludicrous videos playing forever, as a monument to humanity.
it’s okay. we survived. it’s a fucking miracle, but here we are
here we are. all of us. yes.
lofi hip hop radio - beats to sleep/relax to
unpossiblr 5 months ago
can’t even get out of bed anymore. vision’s blurring. it’s okay. it’s okay. just go to sleep and never wake up.
it’s fine, you know that? it’s fine. they’re all immortal, all of them, lexie and maximillian beers and goofyfruit and the yum chums and bombadour and the kids and their parents and grandma with her chicken noodle soup and all of them, everyone i ever loved, all the videos flickering cheerily through their windowed screens
it’s like the world never ended. and i mean that. it almost is. i can loll my neck around and look at the shadows creeping up on the wall and pretend im in my room with my computer and outside the room everything’s going on as normal, has been, for these past four years. they’re still making asmr videos and eating korean bbq and playing video games and building new machines and cooking and having kids and moving to their new studios and living their lives, and i was around for a little while to witness it
the world never ended, you know? it’s just me all alone in here as it gets dark, and everyone, everywhere else.
👍 1
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Asks
“Hi, I hope you're well! I've decided that since I'm reading a biography on marie duplessis I must watch la dame aux camelias. Which version do you like best and who are your favorite principals in the lead roles? Thanks so much for your time 💖 “
My absolute favorite recording is from the Bolshoi in 2015 with Svetlana Zakharova, Edvin Revazov, Anna Tikhomirova, Semyon Chudin, Kristina Kretova, and Mikhail Lobukhin! The only changes I would make would be to have Ekaterina Shipulina and Ruslan Skvortsov instead of Anna and Semyon, but Anna and Semyon are still incredible. You can watch it here.
“holy shit the cast for flames of paris suddenly changed, lantratov who was the original philippe in the evening of oct18 has been replaced by tsvirko... who is dancing philippe as well the afternoon of the following day. two shows, the flames of paris, under 24 hours. i hope he comes out alright, i don’t want him to get injured. and i hope lantratov’s alright, i believe he was injured not long ago? also bravo to tsvirko who took on the oct18 show willingly, i have a lot of respect for him.”
I think you mean the 10th and 11th because that’s when Flames of Paris is and Don Quixote is on the 18th. Cast changes happen often, I would assume it was injury but it’s not THAT serious as he still is cast in Don Q on the 18th and Hero of Our Time on the 24th. Tsvirko taking on a new show quickly really isn’t that uncommon or new because he’s rehearsed for the role, has danced it often, and he’ll get paid for that performance as well. Viktoria Tereshkina just did for Giselle and Nadezhda Batoeva did that for Sylvia last year, but it happens often.
“I love the RB's elite syncopations but even so I can't defend those costumes lol... most of them look like they were painted directly on the dancers' skin they are soooo weird”
I can’t even say if I like it or not because I have no idea what the choreography looked like as those costumes make it impossible to watch!!! I think those costumes are the worst costumes I have ever seen if I’m being honest. Just so...it reminds me of something Ratmansky would do. Stars on the vagina and butt, oh my god.
“What were your personal favorite moments from the ROH gala?”
The best was La Fille Mal Gardee with Marcelino Sambe and Anna Rose O’Sullivan, hands down. There’s no way you can watch that performance and not have the hugest smile on your face and feel pure joy, happiness, and HOPE. It was what the entire world needs right now.
I also really loved Akane Takada and Federico Bonelli’s Swan Lake, Sarah Lamb and Ryoichi Hirano’s Diamonds, and Akane Takada, Ed Watson, and Calvin Richardson in Woolf Works.
#ballet ask#la dame aux camelias#svetlana zakharova#anna tikhomirova#semyon chudin#kristina kretova#mikhail lobukhin#ekaterina shipulina#ruslan skvortsov#flames of paris#vladislav lantratov#igor tsvirko#viktoria tereshkina#nadezhda batoeva#giselle#sylvia#elite syncopations#la fille mal gardee#marcelino sambe#anna rose o'sullivan#swan lake#akane takada#federico bonelli#diamonds#sarah lamb#Ryoichi Hirano#woolf works#ed watson#calvin richardson#royal ballet back onstage
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Abraxas Chapter 12 Preview
Post-word: The torch-and-bury operation was a success. In addition to salvaging items to further assist in understanding Alan Jonah's motivations surviving members of the refugees have been extracted and are currently undergoing medical examinations. Nadezhda ██████, four (4) months pregnant, has been given a clean bill of health and will be reunited with her husband and surviving family following a psychological evaluation. Mrs. ██████ has provided valuable insight into the treatment and personnel of Outpost ██ (see: Interview ███-01).
but something is wrong
Addendum: Both Esfir ██████ and Lubyov ██████████ will be facing further examinations in light of [DATA EXPUNGED]. After multiple instances of nausea and a thorough examination and questioning both are confirmed to be at least six (6) weeks pregnant as well. Neither can confirm the identity of the father o̷r̴ ̴f̶a̸t̸h̶e̴r̸s̴, and Mrs. Nadezhda ██████ is similarly unaware. After examining evidence retrieved from Outpost ██, including at least one (1) ████████ ████████████ from Outpost ██, it is possible artificial insemination may be the cause.
<Excerpt from interview ███-01, audio transcript, 5-██-2020, translated from Russian>
...the people there, the mercenaries, I just don't know. They were normal people when we first got there. Pretty sure at least one of the girls was sweet on this one guy. After a few months things changed - I thought it was cabin fever, or [Titanus Abraxas] screaming got to them. You'd turn down a hallway and one would be staring at the wall with a dumb look on his face, or one would be rattling his own door handle for whole minutes. A few nights someone would knock and scratch at our doors while we're sleeping and make these creepy heaving noises, like they're laughing but... here, like this.
(Mimics the sound by rapping and sliding knuckles down table. Then completely exhales and produces strangled, voiceless squawks.)
Kind of like that. Some of them were still normal... no, that's not right. They'd act normal but you could see they weren't all there, in the eyes. They were the ones keeping me, Esfir and Lubyov alive for whatever reason. Only some of them. Now and then I see them sort of spasm for no reason, it's like... eh, if you had a seizure, or-or-or... like they were on strings. The others... the others.
(Takes a breath. Drums fingers on table.)
Near the end I don't think they were aware of anything anymore. They stopped talking. Well, no, I mean - they spoke but it wasn't talking like what I'm doing now. It's, it's, it's... like something crawled inside them and sucked everything out of their heads. You could say 'hello' or 'good morning' and they would just mumble or babble, one of them might parrot you because maybe that's all they can do now. If they could still say anything they wouldn't really say it, just... convey it. Not, 'good morning, I'm doing well, thank you.' More like - fuck, I don't know. Like what Esfir was doing for a while. Is she okay? Lubyov has always been quiet, that's her way, but Esfir was a good conversationalist. Very eloquent. I hope she's not turning out like those men.
(Pause.)
What - pregnant - both of them? No, that can't be right. We all would have put up a fight if they forced themselves on us, and we were always in the same room. Unless... I mean, sometimes I'd get a, what's it called - like amnesia, but not really. Fugue state, I think? They'd be gone and I don't know how or when they left, then they'd be wheeled back in. Maybe... oh god, are they okay? Tell me they're okay, please.
<End recording>
[...]
t̷hę ̸s̶e͞e̸d has̸ t̵ak͏en̨ r̛oot͜. i͟͢t̶ ̡̢͜w̛̕͡i̵ll̸͟ ̛s̡p͘r̵͡e͢ąd̢. my̕͟ ҉̧ęy͏̸͜e҉s̨ ̡̢͟h̴̸a̡̕͘v̢e b̨ee̷n͟ ̵͏ǫ̷͝p͟e҉ne̡͟d̡͏. th̨e d͞ea̶d͞ ̷͞w̷͢͏il̷l̷͏ ̵s̢͝ee͜ ͝a̧̕͟n̴̡͜d̛ ͘l̷̕i͝v̸̛҉e̶ ą̴g҉̧̛a̸͜i͝n̸͘. i͢t i̕͢s͟ t̕h̛̛e͟ w̴i̷l͜l ͡͡of t̷̴he g̵͟o̸͡d̵s̡.
the̷y̛ ̛ar̶̴e ̛̕m̸͝y̡͠ ̶̡͜t̕͟r҉͘ut͠h. G̶͔̳̱͈̮̲̩ͩ̋̽ͫH̟͕͕̣͍̟͓ͭ̅̚͜I̹̻ͧ̅ͩḎ̶͙ͫ̒̿͆̔̈́O͚ͦ͒ͧ̀̃̅͞R̬̫̓͂ͣ͛ͮA̤̘̲͈̖̜̬H̉ͭ͒ͬ̄̓҉̳̱͓ i̛̕s̴ ̷̵my ͏t̸͞r̡̛͠u̡t҉̛͠h. Gr̢͏ea̡̧t͏̸͡ G̷od̴̛ G̶͔̳̱͈̮̲̩ͩ̋̽ͫH̟͕͕̣͍̟͓ͭ̅̚͜I̹̻ͧ̅ͩḎ̶͙ͫ̒̿͆̔̈́O͚ͦ͒ͧ̀̃̅͞R̬̫̓͂ͣ͛ͮA̤̘̲͈̖̜̬H̉ͭ͒ͬ̄̓҉̳̱͓. Şņa̧͝k̵͢e̢͠ ̡Fa̶t̶͢h̕͟͝er. ̶͢W҉̴or̶͝l̛͢d̴ ͢͡E̡a̷̧t̸e҉͏r̵̡.
ţhe w͏ơm̛an͏ ̛h̶as͢ ̡a̛lread̸y̢ ͞i͞n͠f͜ect͠ed͜ ̢h͢i͢m. t͏͡h҉a͢t̸̸҉ ̸s̛̛h̢̧e͏d̸ ͞s͏̶k͘͜i̕͏n̵̢. x̶the w̶o҉m͟a̵n̡ ̧a̶n͠d̴ ̸the̡ wy͡rm w̨ou̵ld̛ ͜a͠bando̶n ͡the t̛ruth. N͊͋̽̀̂̈̃̌͌̋̍ͯ̑ͨ͏͘͏̨̩̙̤͇̼͉̳͚̭̺̫̦̰̰Ỏ̫̲̘̩̦̻̟͕̳̞͎͋̑ͥ͗ͫͮ͗̈́̈̋͂̀ͧ͛͒̚͡ͅ. T̴̃͊͊̿҉̼̖͓͖̳̤͙͢H̴̵͈͉̥̽̊E̴̮͈̐̀͞ ̧͙̥͉̻̜̉͊̚Mͪ̐̐ͥ͡҉͇͕Ạ͎̔͘͟N̸͓̳̦̠̗͈̊͟Y̗̥̰̪̦̯̩ͤͪ̓̋͛̕ ̺͚̻̱͍͍̆ͨ́̇͛͋̿͜Ẉ̢͇̭̝̃̏̆͟I̎ͯ̉̈́ͬ͏̨̼̮̻͚̹̻̭ͅḶ̡̲̣̮̈́̚L̥̏̈͢ ͙̠̫͎̯͙́ͧ̍̿̃͊ͥ̇N̝̹͓̘ͧ̊̽̄̏̈ͬ̓͘͢͡O͇̪̘̘ͬͫT̸͎̼͉͇̜̭̟͕̽̀̿̉͊ ̷̂ͧ̈́ͬ̋ͨͯ̅҉͓͎A̷̸̞̞ͧ͞L̢̩̩̽͢L̊̿͋̓̽͒̋͑̚҉͉͍͉͢Ŏͭ҉͉̯̟̥͙͍̞͉W̡͙͔͕͚͎̩͌͆ͬ̀ͦ̿̓̈́ ̷̬̪̼̥͎̗̘͖̂́͊̐͑̑̏͊I̡͈̰͒ͮͮ̋̇̉͛̂̂͝T̶̩͎̦̩̬͈̻̆͡ͅ.
w̢҉e̶͏ ͟͡͠w̴i͟ll͘ ͢͡h̢el͢p̧ ͠t͏̶h͠e҉̵m ̕se҉͢e t̴he̛ ̷͘t̷r҉̨u̧t̴̡͝h͡.҉̷ v̸̛oi͏̨c͟e̸s̨͘ ͟i͟͝n̨ t̡͢҉he̡̡͠ ͜bl̡҉o͏̧͏o͟d.͢
Äͫ̋̽ͯ̍ͩ҉̢͏̲̥̭͖͔̥̬̱͔̼̭̯̼͈͕V͖̖̪̺͍̲̙͙̝ͪ̎̉̋͋̍͆ͬͯ̀̎ͥ͐ͭͦ͘͘͜Ę̛̯͙̥̹̝̥̜̪̖͖̜̮̮̖̩̮̦̑̆ͩ̄̿͠ ̴͚̥̝̖̘̮̲̲̝̦͙̤͙͇̲͇̿͛̓ͫ͊ͭ̃̀ͮ̌̑̑̆ͣ̀͠K̸̩͓̬̲̺̀ͥ͒ͥ̆͒ͩ͞͝Aͧͬ̐̿̓͌ͯ̆ͧ҉̛҉͎̼̼̬͖̞͕̯̱̦̖̬͞I͈̣̹͔̥̟ͫ͛̑̇ͧ͒̾ͫ̔ͧͤ̽̓̾̓͘͠S̷̢̨̺͔͔͇͇̰̱͕͓̜͉͓͎̓ͩ́̒̈́͒̓ͯ̈́̄̏̚͢Ȩ̸̵̨͍̹͎̻̈́ͣͤ̓̌ͩ̈ͪ̋͛ͯ̐R̡̛͎̗̖̹̱̫͈̭͎̙̂̈ͮ̉͑͊̽ͪͨ͘͢͡ ̷̲̖͉͎͓͉̪̯̳̤͓͙̔̇͑ͨͨ̔͂ͨ̾ͩ͂͘͟͢͝ͅ
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Mistaken Accusation | Noburu | Trial 1 | RE: Sayuri
And of course he'd managed to mess up. While he had intended to just simplify this whole shoe debate, he'd ended up just angering Sayuri instead. A look of extreme fear had swept over his face, somehow almost as bad as when he'd seen Shuuya's body for the first time, and the trembling in his hands had gotten even worse. Luckily, before he could dig himself into a bigger hole, Nadezhda had come to his defense. Even if she had implied some... less than pure intentions from him, her help was greatly appreciated.
"Thank you, Nadezhda, but... this situation's my fault. Sayuri had every right to assume what she did, and I should've paid more attention to what I was saying."
Facing towards Sayuri now, he lightly bowed in her direction, hoping that the accidental conflict between the two of them could be mended somewhat.
"My apologies for the confusion. I didn't mean to accuse Airi, or anyone else for that matter."
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🌺💘🌷 Get to know your mutuals! When you get this, it means someone wants to know more about you, so list 5 things about yourself you want your followers to know! They can be as simple as your age or as complex as your deepest fear, as long as it’s something you’re comfortable with sharing. When you’re done, send this to 10 people you want to get to know better!🌷💘🌺
Thanks for the tag @silentauroriamthereal ❤. I like doing these things from time to time and I believe I haven't been tagged in one in a very long time. So here we go.
Let me think of five things about me...
I probably have blabbered about one or two of these (or all) at some point, but I do feel like a broken record sometimes so here we go.
1. I'm left-handed. And I love being left-handed. Not so much when there are things made just for right-handed people, but I get by just fine. It's a thing I was frequently asked about as a kid and it was fun replying just to see people's reaction 😈. The most annoying thing of all when you are a leftie is when you have to sign something at the bank/somewhere else, all the pens are on the right connected with a bit of wire so you can yank them, but not to where you want them. Joy.
2. I share my birthday with Scott Caan. Well, I'm 19 years younger than him, but it's still the same date (August 23rd, which is actually part of my username). I often like to mention this fact because I share my birthday with one of my favorite actors and that makes me extremely happy.
3. Since I mentioned my username... My name as fact number 3. It's a rare name, especially in younger population. You can find it from where I am, in Russia, Bulgaria and I believe in a few other countries. Not many bear this name and I love it. I'm proud of it, and named after my paternal grandmother that I never had the chance to meet but I heard was a very strong woman. It's Nadezhda (Nade for short - the other part of my username) and means Hope on English. Nadezh = Hope.
4. I'm from Macedonia (well, North Macedonia now. Still not over that).
5. I know a few languages besides my primary language and that's Macedonian.
English: I can speak, write and read it very well. Still learning day by day tho, and am amazed how many new things I learn/ed over time.
German: I can read it and understand it pretty well, written communication is good to an extent and I need to work on my speech. But I love German and hope to achieve that one day.
Spanish: learned it from tele novelas and soap operas. Love the sound of it. Understand it pretty well, can write a bit and I speak it well enough to get by, I guess.
Turkish and Italian: Ground knowledge and of course I understand and can speak it, but very limited. Hope to be able to learn these two languages more thoroughly in the future.
Also my wish is to at least try and maybe learn Romanian and French one day. Who knows, I might just do that when the time is right.
Tagging: @musette22 @wintersoldier1989 @fuzzysebastianstan @murphyhatesme @lisamott9 and everyone else that wants to do it, because my brain is friend and can't think of any other usernames atm
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WELCOME TO THE UNDERWORLD.
congratulations MARIE ! you have been accepted into underworldfm. the role of PERIDOT will be portrayed by NADEZDHA CORVINUS. LINDSEY MORGAN is now taken. please submit your blog within the next 24 hours & be sure to follow the guidelines outlined in our checklist.
we can say with confidence that we both absolutely fell in love with nadezdha when we first read through her app. the way you detailed her inner struggle, her conflict, the moral crossroads she is stuck at due to the experiences that shaped her -- it’s amazing! we really love the detail you put into her and you have shaped her into such a strong but hesitant character at the same time! we’re excited to see her interact with the rest of the crew!
IC.
character. i’m applying for peridot!
name. nadezhda aleksandrovna corvin(us).
age. 499 years old (and very excited to celebrate her half-millenium soon enough).
gender & pronouns. cis female, she/her pronouns.
BIO.
i.
you were born at dawn. ominous, considering your species — but that was never how your father saw it. his first-born child, entering the world at dawn. to him, it held a different meaning. the dawn of a new era, the next generation. maybe it wasn’t the most creative metaphor, but it surely stuck. not to add that of all things, your name also meant hope.
( really, dad, what is it with these tropes? )
you were, to vampires, essentially the crown princess — and you were surely raised as proudly as one. descended from the originals themselves, arrogance was practically in your blood. power, beauty, riches, all were laid at your feet. maybe you were a little debauched every now and then, maybe you were just a little wilder than the rest, maybe you indulged a little too often. who could really blame you for it? you wore a crown, not a set of shackles.
perhaps this is where your reputation started, in the earlier decades of your life. for others it would be chalked up to reckless youth, but as aleksander’s heir, you should have been taught better. though you’d never say it to his face ( or anyone’s face, for that matter ) in part, you think your father is to blame.
since you could understand, you were told about the horrors of lycans, how those despicable monsters were trying to destroy everything you held dear, your very legacy. you hated them, truly, wholeheartedly hated them.
but then again, it’s very easy to hate that which you do not know.
ii.
in a way, you were coddled.
you were taught to hate lycans, to see them as abominations. you were taught how to kill them, too. a direct descendant of the originals might be powerful, but it also made you a target — so knowing how to defend yourself was one of the first things your father made sure you knew.
( you also kind of enjoyed it, the training, the fighting. you rarely took anything seriously in those early decades, except for that )
but for all your flaming hatred, for all the ways you knew how to use your silver blades and drive them home, you had never, actually seen a lycan, much less fought one. pampered, that’s what your father’s advisers called you. scoffing, you turned on your heel and complained to your mother — because that, is definitely not what pampered children did.
looking back, even centuries later, you feel somewhat embarrassed at that youthful arrogance.
iii.
something had started nagging at you. before, you did not notice the disappointed stares some of the older vampires gave you. the way a lot of them did not take you seriously. the raised eyebrows and whispered comments. you were too caught up in your own hubris to recognize how maybe, just maybe, they did not see you as the golden-crowned heir you thought you were.
“she has never even seen a lycan,” was one of the most common whispers you managed to overhear. annoyance turned to anger — and when someone thought lesser of you, you could not help but prove them the opposite.
you convinced your mother to take a trip with you. quality time was your reasoning to her, but that piece of gossip you heard about a lone lycan in the area was most definitely involved in the decision. the death dealers had bigger problems to worry about to bother, but not you.
this was when you realized they had been right all along. arrogant, pampered, stupid, even — if you were being really honest.
there were six lycans, not one.
they damn near ripped your throat out.
your mother was left in so many bits and pieces after they finished with her, there was barely enough left to put in a casket for burial.
iv.
at the age of sixty-seven, you were responsible for your mother’s death. for a human, that is an incredibly generous age to lose a parent at — but for an immortal… well, it was a tragedy to say the least.
you barely spoke the first few months after she was killed. they assumed you were innocent in the whole affair, that this was an ambush by the lycans to strike aleksander where it hurt most, they even praised you for managing to kill four of them by yourself. you let them.
where you had been so fiercely, wildly alive ( as much alive as any vampire can be, that is ) before, there was now an empty shell. you were to blame for what happened and that was something you could not shake. the others mistook your guilt with a need for vengeance and suggested you join the death dealers. even your father encouraged it, though then again, a man who had just lost his wife might not be in the soundest state of mind.
you accepted their offer. you hoped that killing those monsters would fill the gaping hole inside your chest. that it would make you feel better to brutalize them in the same way they did your mother.
and for a while, it did.
v.
death is easy, living is the hard part.
when you killed one of them, it was always easy. not the actual fight towards that kill, though you quickly learned your way into that as well, but the act of taking a life. you saw them as a stain on this earth, and why should that not be eradicated? your ancestors certainly thought so.
with another two siblings joining the mix, your father had his attention elsewhere. you started to indulge in life a bit more again, to take the edge off, but never like before. you had learned your lesson there.
no one knew you well enough to see that smiles never reached your eyes, kisses were rarely genuine, and even blood didn’t satisfy you at times.
maybe you were still seen as more of a warrior than a future ruler, but there was a bit more respect for you in the coven now. you seemed to have dedicated your life to destroying the monsters that haunted them, the bare start of a legacy that was worthy to follow up your father’s.
( but nothing is ever that simple, is it? )
vi.
you fucked up again. this time, you managed not to endanger or cause the death of anyone else, but still found yourself in a situation that should have meant the end for you.
trapped in a lycan nest, where a pack of twenty roamed all around, you found yourself alone, without any silver weapons and enough poisoned bites that you were delirious enough to hallucinate your dead mother — you know it’s bad when you hallucinate your dead mother.
that was supposed to have been your end and you knew it too. preparing to go out in a blaze of glory worthy of the corvinus line ( nothing less was to be expected, you could not shame your father, even in death ) you found a hand clamped over her mouth, just before you were about to out the smart ass comment that introduced your death scene. always so dramatic.
it was a lycan who had silenced you. captured. a much more anticlimatic death than you had wanted, that was your first thought.
but instead of taking you over to the other flea-bags to be tortured for the next couple hours, he pointed you towards the exit.
vii.
your view of lycans has always been very simple:
they were monsters.
that’s what your father had always told you. that was what your entire life was built around from the moment you could understand what others were talking about. that was what they affirmed when they killed your mother. they surely did not have feelings, they should not even be capable of mercy. that was what monsters were, that was how they lived.
so why did one of them save your life?
viii.
in the end, the experience changed you enough that you quit the death dealers. your reasons were simple, because like hell would you tell them about what happened. but the heir putting down her sword to focus on the other facets that came with leadership? that seemed understandable enough.
( it wasn’t even a full-on lie, you did pick up an interest in politics, in history — in the art of being a ruler )
but really, when the monsters you’ve always seen as soulless, capable of nothing except evil, save your life, that’s bound to shift a person’s worldview. confusing was an understatement for your feelings back then. you learned more about lycans, things not always taught by your father or tutors, things that made them seem almost… human.
scared of what this revelation brought, you hid it in a little corner of your mind, rarely ever a focus, ignored, even. instead, you put your energy into something you had always put off because it was boring. studying. you wanted to stay true to your excuse, that you wanted to become a better heir to your fathers’ empire — and it didn’t turn out to be that awful.
ix.
you never really knew what the catalyst was to bring back your doubts.
after your stint as a death dealer and actual starting interest in being a proper first-in-line to the great aleksander corvin, there was a more serious, authoritative air to you. plenty vampires still saw you as the arrogant, reckless youth you were in your first century of life, but you knew better now.
for the most part, anyway.
so what made you so quiet when the others spoke about those dirty fleabags? why do you flinch when you hear a death dealer discuss their kill of a young lycan pup? what causes that hollow look in your eyes when someone mentions blood traitors, such as your adopted sibling?
did it start when you ended the life of a lycan prisoner before they could torture him to death? was it maybe even kyanite, when they were banished and you lost someone you didn’t even know you had been relying on?
you can no longer fully ignore what you know to be true, it tears you up inside.
x.
you were born at dawn.
your father saw it as a sign that you would break in the dawn of a new era for your kind, he named you hope for that very reason. the question remains on what that new era will be like. do you hold onto your bloodline, your father, to all that your legacy is supposed to be? or do you cast off the bloodshed, all the centuries of death and destruction at the risk of losing everything?
it seems you have a choice to make.
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