#my writing suffers but the personal glee is worth it

[gunkreads]

Phew. Finished The Tyrant Baru Cormorant; now finally caught up on Masquerade. Took me fuckin' long enough.

For a summary of my thoughts, I'd like you to imagine a wee little squeal of sadomasochistic glee sounding from my chair every page or two, slowly building in to a combination of wails and shrieks, no less sadomasochistic or gleeful than the squeals that preceded them.

Seth Dickinson writes the type of story that I want put into the IV bags in the hospital when I finally get hit by a car hard enough to send me into a proper coma. I love being forced to cry. I love having to close the book over my thumb because I can't bear to read another word , then having to open it right back up because what's the point of this character suffering like that if I don't see them through to the end?

Dickinson writes the type of story that makes me not give a dribble of a shit whether it gets finished properly. There's a divide of public opinion that seems to believe a story that may never be finished is worth less than one that is or will be. I do not care if Baru 4 is ever released. I want it very badly, but if this is the last I ever hear of this story, that's fine. It's done enough. I'll admit I feel this way about a lot of stories, but I think it's worth mentioning here because this really is a story that's complete enough within itself to stand on its own at any of its climaxes.

Spoilers below the cut.

Bad out of the way first: there was a very obvious issue with the split between Monster and Tyrant; I later found that they were originally one book and really wish they would've either 1: stayed that way or 2: been split around 100-150 pages into Tyrant, some time during the Kyprananoke climax. So that's one very minor bad thing.

Second bad thing was... not so much "bad" as a slightly off-putting thing I've noticed and theory I've been working on. Depending on your level of cynicism about publishing, you'd describe it as either "authors breaking out of their shell" or "editors/publishers easing up on the reins". Around the second or third books of several series I've read, the author's voice begins to shine through a lot more potently. I don't wanna dive too deep into my background on this theory, but that definitely happens in Tyrant. You start to see Dickinson use slightly more modern twists of language, have characters crack a few more out-of-tone jokes, and other small things like that. It's nothing particularly intrusive, but it did bring me a bit out of the story.

One thing that probably turns some people off the series, especially toward the middle of Monster, is the way it presents economics as a kind of absolute power over the world. I'd agree that it's a somewhat limiting authorial choice in some ways--as much as you can call "falling short of portraying the full spectrum of society" limiting--but I, personally, adored the way Dickinson used Baru's single-minded belief in economics as the sole solution to the world's problems as a foreground for all the other philosophies he presented. What's the difference between economics and trim? Plenty, but less than you think, so he puts Baru--the world's best-ish economist--and Tau-indi--the world's best good person--in a room together a bunch and makes them ask each other every question except "What's the difference between economics and trim?"

This is one of my favorite things in storytelling: to answer a question by painting a silhouette of different answers around it. Answer every question except the one you're asking and the reader will see it clearly enough to answer for themselves. Dickinson does it really, really fucking well.

Also yeah. Tau-indi Bosoka. What a great character. Operates on a truly higher level of insanity than any other character in the series while still keeping their feet so firmly on the ground you're amazed they can pick them up to walk.

Another thing I really adore, and this is a smaller one, is demonstrating conclusions to the reader via the actual physical medium of a book, not just the words. There's one place toward the end of Tyrant where this happens: the reveal that Aminata is Kindalana's daughter, where they jump-cut from "Kindalana has a daughter with Farrier!" to "Hey, where's Aminata?" (or something, can't recall the exact scene) on the very next page. The two scenes take place far out of earshot of each other, but they're juxtaposed like conjoined twins to the reader. This is the type of thing that can either pass straight over your head or hit you like a cement truck, with very little in between. It's my personal stance that this counts as an outright textual statement, not just implication, but that's a whole other haterific can o' worms I'll leave unpoured for now.

There are a couple things to be said about the Cancrioth, but I think the one that's most important to me is that they never lost their mystical properties. They never stopped being properly arcane. I really liked that. It's very easy to write a revealed secret as a thing that becomes mundane; the Cancrioth couldn't have ever been that way because they're an immortal cult. Not everyone there is an onkos, so all the non-onkos aboard need to believe in the magic. For them all to believe, the magic has to be pretty rad!

Sorry, I wrote this whole post just for that joke. Anyway.

In another way, the Cancrioth did start to bore me toward the end. I was kind of sick of their shit, for lack of a more complete thought. I had the same difficulty deciphering the Brain's motives as Barhu did and... honestly, it got a little bit tiring. Changing the trajectory of an immovable object is obviously a very hard thing to do, and it obviously takes a very long time, but man is it kind of exhausting to read it play out in real-time.

Tain Shir is great. She speaks for herself (lol) as an element of the narrative. Good shit, no notes. There's actually nothing to be said here besides saying "Hey, Seth, your character rocks ass." She fills a trope I enjoy a lot: flesh made force-of-nature.

Aminata is an excellently insane character. I like how her perspective gave so much weight to the relative worldliness of other characters. She doesn't know dick about shit the whole time and it makes it much clearer to the reader how much everyone else should know. Also she's just... fantastically nuts.

Kyprananoke as a whole Fucking Thing was a little oddly drawn-out. Chekov's Tsunami was a little too heavy-handed for me. Not the tsunami itself, but its introduction--there's no way to introduce something like that without forcing the reader to lean back and go "Well, this place is fucked. What's next?" It kind of mangled the pacing of that whole sequence for me. I think that's more an issue with my own preferences as a reader, though, because all in all it's just another way to structure a release of tension.

I was pleasantly surprised at Dickinson's handling of gender issues. I'm not going to tell you whether he does a good or bad job; I'm going to tell you he does a thorough job. He paints a very interesting picture of the history of gender relations in various societies, how those have clashed over time, and their impacts on main characters. Aminata has probably the simplest relationship with gender and sex of them all, but she's also the character with the narrowest range of information about the world. I think your mileage will vary greatly here and it'll depend a lot on your existing stances on gender politics.

All in all, this is already one of my favorite series. I think rereading it would kill me and I think I'll eventually do it anyway.

[sadnesslaughs]

Years ago, you had sold your soul to the devil. You received your wish, not asking for much, and were sent down to hell right after you died. You roamed around hell, being tortured and what not. One day, to your surprise, the devil hands you back your soul; “I need a favor, please...”

(A response to a writing prompt)

“So, what did you ask for?” Connor asked, talking to a skull that was dangling off a discarded spear. The handle of the spear firmly lodged into the charred ground, coating the spear shaft in the fine black dust of the soil. When the skull didn’t answer, he continued talking to himself. “See, I wanted my mom to be happy. She looked down after work, so young me thought a deal with the devil was the only way to solve that. She was happy for that day, though, so I guess things worked out. Man, you’re a good listener. None of the demons ever listen. It’s just torture this, hellfire that. But you. You get me. Do you want to be friends?”

A spurt of fire caught Connor’s skin, causing him to jump protectively in front of the skull, shielding it with his body. The torn fabrics he wore as clothing dangled, getting caught on the embers, only to be put out by his frantic pats. Before him stood the culprit of the fire, the devil himself. The hellish form was hard for the mortal mind to comprehend, being seen as a swirl of screaming faces that somehow formed a horned, chiseled red face. It was like a collage of suffering that stung Connor’s eyes if he stared for too long.

“You’re the one I need. Your sanity hasn’t broken, nor has your will been sucked from your flesh.” The devil stepped forward, his movement causing a spark of fire to drift from the ground, as if his body emitted raw heat with each step.

Connor shifted left and right, trying to block the skull from view. “You better not take Skully away, you red bastard. I’ll fight you.” Sanity may have not been the best word to use for Connor’s state. Torture quickly withered away a person’s mind, but in Connor’s case, he hadn’t been subjected to it as long as the others. So, somewhere deep in that haze of confusion and insanity, sat a human still.

The devil groaned, staring down at the human, those deep black pupils meeting Connor’s eyes. “I don’t want the skull. I want you. The angels demand I show them a soul that can be saved, someone who is showing a positive change from my ‘rehabilitation.’ I want you to be that person.”

“Can Skully come?” Connor asked, not understanding what the devil was on about. All of it sounded fascinating though, as if would be something worth doing. It had to be better than torture, anyway.

The devil didn’t answer. Instead, he grasped Connor’s throat, squeezing it until a blue orb was pushed out of Connor’s mouth, being spat onto the ground before the demon. The orb bounced against the floor; the spit dripping from it turning to steam as it rolled along the hot ground. “No, I only need this.” He tossed the now lifeless body of Connor away, collecting the soul in his palm, taking it to the agreed upon destination.

In a small fish and chip shop in England, the devil sat, holding a briefcase. The king of hell disguised in a black trench coat, with red and black sunglasses. As he waited for the angel representative, he stroked his goatee, expecting his meal to be brought out soon. When the box of greasy fish and chips hit the table, he was interrupted. Unable to even get a bite in before the angel sat across from him.

Osira patted down her skirt as she sat across from the devil. The look she gave him was that of disgust, nose wrinkled as if he stank worse than the old oil the shop used. “I hope you have something to show me this time. God seems open to the idea of removing you entirely. Hell is an outdated concept, and you’re irrelevant.” While angels were meant to be perfect, she couldn’t help but smile at the word irrelevant. Osira, getting a lot of glee after seeing how that made the devil tense, digging his powerful hand into the table after she said it.

“I’m needed now more than ever. Hell can work. Some souls can even show remorse after coming here.” He handed the briefcase over. “Look at this soul here. A poor man who gave up his soul for the simple wish of making his mother happy. With my harsh love, he’s developing into a man that can understand the error of his ways. He even still has hit wits about him. I assure you, all the rumors you’re hearing about hell are false. The people who come here are fine.”

She opened the briefcase, staring at the shining blue light that emanated from it. The light sparkling in her eyes, before she shut it, having glimpsed Connor’s life in that moment. “How many wits he has left is debatable. Although, I admit, he appears sane enough to disprove the rumors.” She hated how honest angels had to be, wishing she could lie so they could finally rid the world of the devil.

“Great, so don’t bother me for another thousand years, ok?” The devil went to grab his briefcase, only for Osira to pull it away.

“I’m keeping this one. The terms of his deal weren’t greedy, nor were they sinful. For that reason, I don’t think he needs to be held in your captivity any longer. Consider his sentence served. I would like to ask him personally about hell.”

“You can’t do that. He’s mine to tor-rehabilitate.”

“So, you think he deserves more punishment for such a small misdemeanor? It’s already been two years. Let me remind you that anything you say will be passed onto god.”

“FINE, TAKE HIM.” The devil hissed, waving his hand at her. Knowing how bad it would look if he demanded to keep the soul.

“I will do that, thank you. We will be in touch once we hear what the man has to say.” With that, the angel left, leaving the devil to stew in his frustrations, not even hungry enough to finish the food before him.

In heaven, Osira set the soul down, reforming his body around the soul. The pact between heaven and hell always made it hard for them to find out information about hell. Since angels couldn’t go to hell, the only way to get information was from either the devil or ex humans that left hell. Unfortunately, hell wasn’t a place many left or escaped from and those that did were never the same. Which is why she hoped Connor would be different.

When his eyes opened, Osira smiled. “Glad you’re awake. Now, why don’t you tell me about hell, if you can?” she said, holding his hand, hoping he held the key to shutting down hell.

[snow-in-the-desert]

Dramione Recommendations

Ok so, 2020 has been A LOT but on a personal note one of the most surprising things to happen was me discovering Dramione fanfiction and becoming unashamedly obsessed with it. I really didn’t see that coming but I’m here now and I’m here to stay. 

I think I started reading in the Dramione fandom around mid July last year?? (In all honesty I’ve lost any true sense of time’s progression at this point so I could be well off the mark with that) And I’ve decided to compile a list of all my favourite fics I’ve read so far. Why? I really just want to gush over all the amazing writers I have found through this fandom because y’all deserve it. 

Side note: If any of the authors actually sees this post just dm so I can buy you coffee or post you writing supplies or something idk I feel like that’s the least I can do for all your amazing work x

Remain Nameless by @heyjude19-writing

Ok I have to start with RN because this fic is pretty much the sole reason I decided to create an account with A03 or a tumblr or just decided to get involved with this fandom at all. 

I headcannon this story hard. But I think even if you aren’t a fan of Dramione you should just read this because it is so unbelievably good and well written and poignant and Draco’s sarcastic personality in this is truly a thing of beauty in this - I relate to his inner monologue’s on a deep personal level. 

I could rave about this story any time, any day of the week, just ask me. In fact, maybe I’ll just start a HeyJude19 fan club to fulfill that urge.

There are so many elements that I love but for the sake of brevity, RN is a beautifully told story of Draco and Hermione finding love and healing in a post-war HP setting. Heyjude19 had the very special ability of making me want to simulatenously laugh, cry and swoon with the power of her words. Just stop what you are doing and go read it now if you havent already, ok?  

I also really enjoyed reading Bells on a Hill, Beers, Potions and Unwise Notions and A Shift in Focus, if you are looking for smaller fics, definitely give these a go. They are all funny and heartfelt stoires that will make your tippy toes wriggle with glee. 

The Rights and Wrongs Series by @lovesbitca8

The Right Thing To Do, All The Wrong Things and The Auction are the holy trinity of Dramione writing. I have christened it thus, so mote it be. And frankly I’m not interested in any other opinion than that one, thank you very much!

After reading this series I don’t think I’ll be able to look back on the orginal HP books without thinking of Hermione’s and Draco’s memories of their time at Hogwarts in these fics as anything other than strictly cannon. 

So many things to love about this series but I think one of the major highlights was Hermione and Draco’s use of occlumency. LoveBitca8 created such beautiful visuals with how occlumency works as a magical practice and seeing Draco and Hermione so devoted to eachother to the point of safeguarding their inner most feelings to protect eachother was unbelievably romantic and poetic. 

Also the smut is divine ;)

Manacled by @senlinyu​

My heart will never be the same after reading this story. Like I actually can’t think about this fic without getting a lump at the back of my throat. I have never felt so emotionally ruined after reading anything, compared to the likes of this fic. Just please, please read it. To badly quote HP, reading Manacled will make you suffer but you’re going to be happy about it.

The flashbacks are a rollercoaster in of themselves but the way Hermione inadvertently refers to them when she is still in a state of memory loss was so heartbreaking to read. My heart still aches for them both. Also its a truly satisfying to see Draco and Hermione written in a way were they are both so fiercly protective of one another. They make my insides go soft. 

I also really enjoyed Snow Fall, Now Is A Gift and All You Want by the author but to be honest anything written by Senlinyu is always thoroughly enjoyable and worth a look. 

The Erised Effect by @adaprix​

Ada is QUEEN of dramione smut but ‘The Erised Effect’ is top tier. Its equal parts funny, romantic, sentimental and oh so sexy. Ada really knows how to build and build on sexual tension and doesn’t disappoint on the final delivery. I’m a big admirer of her writing style and just veraciously read whatever she posts but ‘The Erised Effect’ is just golden. A must read. (Also Pansy’s sexual fantasy in this story is a visual I don’t think I’ll ever be able to remove from my brain so thanks for that Ada)

Also quick side note: Adaprix’ stories were the first I read when I was looking into this fandom and it was enough to get me hooked on the pairing from the get go so I have that to thank Ada for too. I remember devouring all the stories she had posted to A03 and when I was done I was like... now what am I supposed to do with my life?? And that’s basically when I began to look deeper into the fandom and thus the course of my life in 2020 changed for the better. 

Some other stories I love by her are Break for Me, All My Sins, The Big 4-0, The Fucklust Series and The Flat in Bath. 

Clean by @olivieblake​

This 6th Year AU where Draco and Hermione work together on a class assignment and end up falling in love had me feeling all kinds of ways when I read it. I almost don’t know where to start but I think one of the stand out things for me was how immersed I felt in reading it. 

Hogwarts is captured really well, you get a good sense of class atmospheres, character nuances and behind the scenes of events that happen in HBP but from a Draco and Hermione’s perspectives. It’s well executed and intricate tapestry of a fic. With an excellent plot twist ending! 

Also Hermione and Draco’s relationship in this is equal parts fluffy and smutty and it just ticks all the right boxes that you want to see for those characters ;)

Breath Mints / Battle Scars by @onyx-and-elm​

The angst in this one is just *chef’s kiss*

God I love this fic. The way Draco is portrayed is very true to his defensive and tetchy character in the original books but he is also given so much more depth. The way his diary entries are written are just so well executed. It’s a true testament to the author’s creative writing skill. And I LOVE how even though Draco is clearly in such a messed up place, he still has a basic level of self respect and dignity that he won’t tolerate being used or undervalued in his relationship with Hermione. 

Yep, I really love Draco’s characterisation in this one if you can’t tell.  But Hermione is also well written too. Her stuggles and trauma of returning to Hogwarts after war is described in a believable and grounded way. And my heart definitely ached for them both. I just wanted to wrap the pair of them in a big fuzzy blanket and tell them that everything will be alright. 

WANDS OUT! by @persephonestone​

This murder mystery / Dramione / Theo x Harry / AU crossover is everything I didn’t know I wanted until I read it. I felt like I was picked up and plonked right into an alternative dimension where all the characters of HP are just living it up in an Agatha Christie novel. 

It’s a funny and clever story that I found refreshing to read amongst all the other fanfics that are usually cemented in the HP timeline or universe. Theodore Nott in this fic is perfection he should be written like this in every fic from now on in my opinion. I couldn’t stop giggling any time he had a scene in the story.

And the ‘only one bed’ trope in this fic is 10/10. I don’t want to give spoilers but ohmygod. It hits all the right notes. 

The One With Technical Difficulties by cassielassie 

Cassielassie has an excellent three part series of Dramone called ‘The One with...” but I have to give special credit to this story in particular for one main reason. ELEVATOR TROPES. I can’t get enough of em. I think I have my early childhood viewings of NCIS to thank for my obsession with elevator tropes they just do something to me that simply cannot be explained with mere words. The palpable sexual tension of being in a broken down elevator with an ‘enemies to lovers’ pairing, a heated arguement breaks out followed by a discovery of mutual feelings and a romantic embrace...

Eugh. It gets me everytime. And this fic is no exception. I loved it for all the reasons I’ve already stated above but also for the attention to detail in Draco and Hermione’s careers makes this one particularly immersive. The dynamics between them established in this one-shot are convincingly portrayed and the chemistry between them is so undeniably hot. 

The Light is No Mystery by @masterofinfinities​

Yooo if you want to read a dramione fic that is a deep dive into Pureblood culture and Post-War recovery but is also a perfect allegory for discrimination and today’s political landscape of moral grandstanding for votes then look no further than this one. 

This story has a bit of everything. Intrigue, mystery, ptsd and recovery, enemies to lovers / secret relationship, government conspiracy and humour, to name a few. I eargerly await every update to this story and am anxious to know how it ends!

The Eagle’s Nest by HeartOfAspen 

Finally! A fic that gives me the Ravenclaw representation I crave. I think I could recommend this fic on the lore depicted of Ravenclaw house alone. ‘The Stacks’ and Rowena Ravenclaw’s own ‘come and go room’ are just such cool details that I could see being real in the HP universe. 

This fic is so cosy and makes me feel like I’m just popping back into Hogwarts for another year. You get to see all the usuals like prof. Mcgongall, Nearly headless Nick, PEEVES, Hagrid, as well as learn more about minor characters from the other school houses. The story follows Hermione going to her day to day classes and there are interesting concepts about magic and alchemy that are explored. 

Draco and Hermione’s relationship in this one is of course very fluffy and heartfelt. But it’s the attention to detail that really makes this fic outstanding and the experience of reading it feels fleshed out and true to HP universe.

A shorter fic by HeartofAspen that I recommend is one called Set in Stone, it has an adventurous, Indianna Jones vibe to it, that I am so down for. 

Teachable Moments by @purplesugarquills

In this fic Hermione is an innocent little virgin determined to learn everything about sex. And Draco Malfoy is her tutor. If that isn’t enough to get you on board then I don’t know what is. Both Heartfelt and Steamy. PurpleSugarQuills writes smut so well but it’s the progression of their growing attachment and the nervous treading of new uncharted waters of romantic relationships for both of them that just adds a whole other level of feels to the story. Also chapter 9 is like reading poetry - its so good. Eugh just give it a read if you haven’t already.

Les Pèlerins by @pacific-rimbaud

This story is high art. It’s transcendent. Reading this story feels like the emotional equivalent of standing around a hundred glowing fairy lights, sipping hot cocoa and being wrapped in the loving embrace of a s/o. I can’t speak my praises highly enough or even become passably coherent in my words when I try to articulate a review. 

From the very first paragraph I felt like I was just whisked away on a Parisian holiday and I’ve never even bloody been to Paris but damn it if this story didn’t make me feel like I was there. The writing style is just so tactile and intense it’s like I could feel the cold winter air brush against me as I read it. Eugh I just completely fell in love with the story and the writer. 

New Year’s resolution. Read everything PacificRimbaud has ever posted online. 

[emmy-trash0924]

The Damned Monster Anorexia

Yet again, another assignment for English that I wish to share. We were given the freedom to create a monster and write a narrative about it, I chose to make mine the embodiment of Anorexia. With that being said...

WARNINGS!!: mentions of eating disorder and mental illness, mean comments (if more, please let me know, those are the only one’s I could think of off the top of my head)

Have you ever felt as if you're being watched from the shadows, as if you 're being preyed on from a distance?

He lurks in the shadows, something that’s not seen to the visible eye. Some can feel his presence while others cannot. He feeds away at your mental state, feeds on your sanity, slowly stopping you from doing an essential need; eating.

It all starts with a simple comment about weight; spiraling into a whirlwind of constant thoughts. He feeds on this. His pitch black claws seep into your skin, never letting go for the entirety of your existence. His black eyes peer into yours, holding your gaze until you’re brainwashed with the thoughts of excessive calories and weight. Obsession over the entity’s skinny body and limbs cloud one’s vision, blinding them with jealousy from everything else. Fear of gaining a measly ounce of weight overtakes the mind

Anorexia is his name. An entity of anguish. A demon of disorder.

 Lengthy limbs enshroud his figure as he observes his next target, watching them spiral down into insanity. It fills him with glee. The target as of this week happened to be exactly like the others; a person who lets even the slightest of an insult get to them way more than they should. A wicked smile plays onto his face and his eyes light up with an evil glint while he watches from a distance, waiting for the perfect time to sink his claws into the flesh, the desire to do so only growing stronger by the second. He was famished and his hunger only grew as he watched his next meal spiral down to perfection. 

He always had to wait for his next meal of sanity, waiting to the point just before it breaks, where all there is left is the strained last drop of pure sanity and the everlasting thoughts about calorie intake.

Anyone could see him if they really tried, if they paid attention to their friend’s attitude about eating or food in general. He didn’t try to hide himself, he didn’t care to hide, although the shadows are preferred. 

He gets his fun by seeing others suffer, his fun only ending when someone forces his target to “get help.” As if that’ll help any. It does work sometimes though, making his meals more scarce as of late. That’s why he’s keeping this week’s meal within reach, constantly whispering the loathsome words to them, “cooking” them to his liking. 

His whispers include:

“You need to lose weight.”

“How many calories is that bag of chips?”

“Is it really worth eating if all you’re gonna do is gain weight?”

“Everyone thinks you look fat.”

“You’re a goddamn pig. All you ever do is just eat, and eat, and eat.”

One thinks that in order to get rid of his consistent whispering, all they have to do is listen. Oh, how much more could they be wrong. It only fills his hunger more, leaving him a constant source of nutrients where he can satiate himself whenever he would like. However this couldn’t be farther from the truth. The only way to free yourself of his monstrous affinity to your hunger is to deny him as he wants you to deny yourself. You must be an absolute parallel to your thoughts to win this struggle. You may be inclined to isolate yourself as to hide yourself from the world, but it's better to surround yourself as his influence is only skin deep and can only suggest. 

Anorexia doesn’t work alone, he can’t work alone. His right hand man is called Depression, who helps him by making your own thoughts seem untrustworthy; manipulating you into thinking you cannot trust yourself.

[bluntfish]

Press-Me-Not, Gilded Anemone (Part I - Reflection of Glass)

Is it hard to ask for a date with an elusive man in the snow fields?

A continuation of "Cabin Fever Lockdown".

Wow, this took me a while. I wanted to get this entire fic done before Abigail's event and I squeezed my brain so hard just to write this. Even encouraged by my friends to keep going (even with the smut parts dfjkadfjakdfja god help me). This would've been shorter if I haven't gotten a chance to read Li Guang's Bounty with Aurelius and Zhong Nan's careers section. Still, I hope this suffices. And you, the person who I assume is reading this because you also like him, I hope you enjoy it as much as I had. Or if you didn't like Aurelius, I hope this was a ride to my mental spiral lmao.

And once again, this is written with a cis female reader in mind but it's gender-neutral. Enjoy! [runs off]

This is also posted on AO3. My links are in the pinned post. 🐟

Snowfall greets the ground. Clouds embrace the sky and then split apart. The sun touches the surfaces of ice, stone, and wood. The winds of the snowfields plateau over its surrounding areas. A typical morning in Raine. You were working, as you always do: overlooking any trees with your father, marking the bark, and dragging your newly fixed cart. With another used four-wheeler from the lumber yard, which you dearly occupy. Albeit you should be focusing more on your wood cutting, you were busy with something else worth your attention. 

The memories of the incident never faded. You vividly remembered that night, trapped in a snowstorm within the house of a stranger. Someone close to your age yet suffered similar woes to your own. The man you became acquainted with, rather quickly. His name was Aurelius, a name dignified from the days of old. Just like a former ruler who seeks knowledge from nature, he sought peace in the snowfields. You recall your last dinner with him at your place. He left you a gift before departing to the wilderness. Since then, your thoughts were occupied by this lone hunter. Only emerging from the cold once so often, yet so far where you are. But that's with physical means. You’re blessed with technology. Living in the digital age closes the distance between you two. Yet, you yearn once more.

Your days have been mundane since then. Punctuated by your routine that you occasionally message this man once or twice a day. Today is no different. As if the drive to see his appearance again translates to the shadows of his former self on your daily outings. Deeper in the forest, you recognize a trail where he once walked. Bent trees disconnected from each other. Your father sighed, struggling with a particular log loaded on the wagon. You snuck away to take a quick photo of one particular tree. Something that reminds you of him and it leads you to continue your conversation. Your last messages were about observing the plants you found in your local flower shop, and his ecstatic responses filled your mind. You hope this will lead to something deeper like your first encounter.

“Hey, is this you?”

You sent a message with an image: a tree bark with particular cuts over its husk. A trail of ice crystals traces over its scars. You got a response back a minute later.

“You got me. Miramon was hiding out there last time. Glad you’re doing okay, (Y/N). :-) ”

Quick as always. Aurelius will leave responses to whatever you sent. He mentions his day-to-day is helping travelers in the mountains, sometimes he’s out hunting and catching. Most are spent however in solitude throughout the perpetual cold. He ends his conversations with slight concern. About your health, your safety. That each day you message back, he expresses his gratitude every time. It’s been a week since you saw him in person, and you miss him dearly. You don't know much about him other than the glimpses you had in the past. You think about his presence, his appearance, his scent. The way he sends a small emoji at the end of his sentences sends you childish glee. It's cute.

But another thing taxing your mind is his will to reach out. Consistently he responds, yet he hasn't initiated anything since your last in-person meeting. It’s not unsettling but makes him appear more distant. Maybe he’s not good at starting a conversation and needs a nudge. Your hands shake a little as you’re coming up with an excuse for the two of you to meet sooner. It has been a week after all. You were a lot more sheepish the day after he left your place, texting him that is. Now you’re comfortable. You’re in constant correspondence, but your patience is running thin. You want to visit him. Aurelius might be feeling the same way, you pondered. How long was he willing to torture himself for not making the first move? Alas, your fingers glide over your phone screen with your inquiry.

“Do you have any plans coming up?”

“Not really. What about you?”

“None. I’m free for the weekend. Do you want to try to see each other? I miss talking to you in person.”

“I know. I promised you I will. Let’s try something.”

“How about the pier? Near Sarona Lake?”

“Tomorrow around five?” he asked.

“That works for me.”

“Sounds good. Let’s hope the weather is clear. I’ll see you soon (Y/N). :-)”

You pumped your fist. You scored a meeting with this elusive man at the frozen lake you sometimes frequent alone. Though you were mentally slapping yourself from your hesitation. You should’ve trusted your gut feeling in the first place. Regardless, you scurried back on your workload before your father catches wind of your slacking. You haven’t felt this energized in a long time, and you want to try your hardest. You hope the same for him too.

The next day during the mid-afternoon, you drove the ATV near the edge of Sarona Lake. Before the Starlight Miracle took control of the climate, you frequented with your family near the shoreline. Now it's a frozen husk of those memories. Your cough expels the warm air out of your mouth. Aurelius should be arriving where you are.

“I hope I wasn’t too early,” you thought to yourself.

You hear snow crunching in the distance. Approaching faster than you expect. Your head turns in the direction of the sound. The man you’ve waited for is rolling himself down a hill with a flip landing on his feet. He quickly stood up and sprinted where you were. Nearly out of breath, he brushes the snow off his shoulder and flashes a smile. And you couldn’t help but leave a small laugh on your lips. He sets down his crossbow with his arms outreached. The two of you proceed to make a quick hug. Though, you wish it lasted a bit longer.

“Right on time, Mr. Marksman,” you beamed, grinning ear to ear.

“It’s good to see you again, (Y/N),” Aurelius murmurs, matching your expression. “How’s your arm?”

“Doing better. My pops got me to the doctor’s and he healed me up. I’m very thankful about it.”

“Your day gone well since we last talked?”

“A little bit and then some. It wasn’t the same after you left.”

“I figured. I… I hope I didn���t keep you waiting long.”

“Not at all. I like your little flip at the end. Ten out of ten on my book.”

“Well,” he stammered, “you’re always…eleven out of ten.”

“Alright, let’s not one-up each other, big guy,” you laughed.

The two of you found yourselves sitting on top of the pier’s edge, watching the glassy reflection of the lake.  Cold air bites your face. The trees sway in stillness. In the distance, an animal scurried off into the bushes. Nature at its finest. Your feet hang over the boards as Aurelius is admiring the view.

“I used to visit this lake when Raine had its summers. Often with my family. Over that side, my pops fished near those frozen cattails,” you mentioned pointing to its location.

“That’s amazing. Reminds me of when I was little,” he says as he reminisces. “There was a marketplace that I frequented often with Alexa, the girl I talked about a few times.”

“Do you go there often?”

“Not anymore. It’s been closed. Sadly.”

“That’s a shame. If it's still open, would you go back?”

Aurelius grew quiet, lost in his thoughts. His hands rest mindlessly on his lap.

“I don’t know if I have the heart to go back. So many things have changed since then.”

You rest your head against the hunter’s shoulder.

“I hope you have better memories here than in your hometown.”

“Again, you know the right things to say.”

You smiled to yourself with your hands meeting by mere touch. Barely keeping you warm but you’re close to yearning for his.

“How’re your plants?” you said distracting yourself.

“They’ve seen better days. I did have a red tulip bloom, but it's pretty small.”

“That’s good. Glad they’re trying to thrive still.”

“Are you thriving (Y/N)?”

“...as much as you are. The weather has been relentless. I’m glad we got some clear skies for today.”

Your eyes draw to the reflection of the frozen water from the sun's rays. It glistens like a polished diamond against a near sunset. You hear a sweet murmur from Aurelius as he’s taking in the beauty of the lake and its surroundings dotting the beachy banks.

“(Y/N), is it alright if I ask you something?”

You nodded off as you cling onto his arm, squeezing his gloved hand.

“Is there anything you want me to do for you?” he inquired.

“What do you mean?”

“I feel the packaged flowers weren’t enough. After I left, I thought I should return the favor a bit more.”

“Such as?” you whistled with your eyebrow raised.

“...a proper date with you.”

“Oh? So this is not a date then?”

He raises his free hand to his forehead, rubbing his temples. Figuring out what to say next. A cacophony of hums develops into speech.

“I feel there’s something else you want to tell me,” Aurelius mumbles.

“Now you mention it…”

Your body turns towards him as you scoot closer with a whisper. He leans in to take in any of the words flowing out of your lips against the breeze passing by the area.

“Ever since I started texting you, you respond rather…fast. But you haven’t initiated anything. Is there a reason for that?”

His face became flushed. He got somewhat lower, crunched in some latent shame. His hand reaches the back of his neck, scratching the scalp meeting his hairline. Only pained eyes beyond the glasses he’s wearing.  The atmosphere became awkward.

“Did I hit a nerve? Sorry.”

He shyly said, “no, it’s an embarrassing story. Promise you won’t laugh.”

“It never crossed my mind. Like I said before back at your place, I like to talk to you regardless of how good or bad it is. Did you get scammed or something?”

“S-Sort of.”

Aurelius recounts one of his vulnerable moments. A month ago, he was contacted by detective Trevor about a scam he was unaware of upon his doorstep. The person he quickly became acquainted with online, Kathy, was a wry old man who had a history of fooling people and swindling off their funds. It took Aurelius by the shock that someone who treated him kindly ended up being a horrible person. He never disclosed his actual feelings to the detective, but it was a similar, sour mood he experienced before finally living in the snowfields.

“…I was a fool thinking I could go on an online forum and meet someone decent,” he groans. “Since then, I haven't made the effort to reach out on my own. It’s pretty stupid to think so when we exchanged numbers in front of each other. So it’s from my shortcomings. I’m sorry about that.”

“...I guess that happens to the best of us,” you lamented. 

“You think the detective was wrong?”

“…I wouldn’t say so. I think he means you should be more aware of your surroundings. Like if someone butters you up too fast without realizing it. Those kinds of signs.”

He sighs again in resignation. 

You continued, “I’m not gonna scold you about what happened in the past. That’s your business. But I don’t think it should be the only reason. You shouldn’t close yourself off. It’s a lonely way of doing things, don’t you think?”

“…then what should I do? Talk to people more? But I-I…”

“You’re talking to me. That’s a first.”

He looks at you with his flushed cheeks. 

“Okay, let me reiterate. I don’t expect you to become a social butterfly or talk up a storm. You can hold a conversation with someone. I think you got that down. ”

“That’s true. I don’t have much trouble talking to one person at a time,” he pondered.

“So I don’t think it's hopeless if you make more friends elsewhere too. You just need to work on approaching people. I’m willing to help you if you want to. No pressure.”

He constantly smiles as you keep chatting up. His hands move to yours as he raises your arm to his chest.

“I’m glad to have you as a friend, (Y/N). You’re pretty special to me.”

“Oh stop it. You’re gonna make me melt in the cold.”

He chuckles hearing your comment. You sit for another few minutes absorbed by your thoughts. A proper date. Not the kind of date you’re doing now, but a planned date. A bunch of ideas flooded your mind and you’re mentally sorting them into a file. Other than today, you haven’t been on a date before. And probably, this might be the first time you’re not dreading getting yourself out there in town. Makes it even more relieving that Aurelius is also inexperienced too. So you’re both feeling out the waters together. 

Speaking of feeling, with the snow underneath his boot falling on the water’s surface, Aurelius bluntly mumbles, “is there a time or place you want to meet? I’m free…tomorrow. If you want to hang out. Or …at my place again.”

“What about Danny's?”

“...you mean the diner at the edge of town? I go there sometimes.”

“Great! We can have lunch there, then we can stay at my house for the rest of the evening. If you want to. Your choice.”

“Doing what?”

To be honest, you haven’t thought more than just making excuses to spend time with him. With nothing to hide behind your empty hand of cards, you got real with yourself.

“...I dunno. We’ll figure it out I guess. Maybe it will lead to something like before,” you mindlessly wondered out loud.

His eyes grew wide, lips somewhat hanging agape. You quickly orient yourself straight.

“U-Unless you have something else in mind?” you babbled under a hushed breath.

“...I don’t. I’m okay with that.”

“Oh. Well, good. Because I don’t think I’ll be content dating someone else after experiencing what you did, Mr. Marksman.”

He sighs with a laugh sneaking out of his breath, along with parts of his face turning rose pink from the sudden change of topic. Dusk is approaching soon. You offered him a ride on your ATV since the distance from his home will take a good hour on foot. And he accepts, setting his crossbow behind the wagon attached to the back. He clings to your side as you start the vehicle and drive off into the darkening landscape.

“Have you ever ridden an ATV before, Aurelius?”

“No, it's my first time. Is it similar to a motorcycle? Like with its parts or something? I don’t think I ever thought about getting one myself.”

“That so?”

“Though, I don’t think it will help me now.” 

“Yeah don’t want to lose your leg muscles. Or your core muscles. Or your everything muscles.”

“Is that what you think about when talking to me?” he chuckles.

“Not always. I also think of your better qualities too.”

“Like?” he curiously said, leaning closer to your face.

“…you’re very thoughtful and brave. Considerate even. I would say you’re also altruistic too. You’re always putting others before yourself. It’s a good quality.”

You hear his raspy hum over your ear. He sounds somewhat confused but pleased with the compliment.

“You’re not so innocent either,” you added.

Suddenly you hear him chuckling again.

“I am a man after all,” he laughs.

“Don’t be a perv now,” you continued.

You haven’t been this relaxed driving over the tundra in a long while. The drive to his house is smooth. Aurelius gives his thanks with a lingering hug. He doesn’t want to shake the feeling off, the urge to keep you to himself. But he would rather keep that a secret for now.

“Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“I can walk,” Aurelius affirms himself.

“2 PM sounds good to you?”

“Sure.”

“Okay,” you smiled, “have a good night!”

You pat his back one last time before embarking on your vehicle once more. His crossbow is picked off from the back and lugged with his arms. Resting on the snowy ground. And you return to the plains. You weren’t aware of it, but he watched you go on. Lingering outside his home. A longing look he gave, watching you getting farther and farther. His hand clenched a ghost of what was once there. The warmth of once there. He misses it.

[silkling]

Hi Silkling, could you please write a TFP story where Sierra discovers the Autobot's secret and joins up with Team Prime? TFP never really did much with her, and I think that a shame. I think Smokescreen would make a good partner for her.

Absolutely! Great to see you again in my ask box! :D your last prompt was super fun to write to, so I’m looking forward to this one! Now, I admit, I never paid much attention to Sierra, and the show didn’t give us a lot to work with, so I’m going to have to come up with some of her characterization. And I agree. So I’m mashing her with Smokescreen. It’s gonna a be great. I love Smokescreen very much! I even have a whole AU of my own for him. He’s a tiny happy dumbass and since Sierra has basically no canon personality, I can make her be his long-suffering but still very fond best friend.

———————————————————————————————————

Sierra had been having a good day. Emphasis on the word had. It was the weekend. She had packed a small picnic, grabbed her favorite book, and hopped on her bike. She’d ridden out to the popular hiking trails, intending to take a short hike and finding a nice place to spend the afternoon with a her novel and her snacks. The sun was out, the weather was great, and she had nothing to do today. It was perfect. So, of course, the laws of the universe demanded that something go wrong.

‘Murphy is a cruel bastard and and I’m going to punch him in the face when I see him in the afterlife.’ She thought viciously, staring up at the hulking titan that had just crushed her lunch and bike under a single massive metal foot with a sense of numb disbelief. ‘At least I still have the book.’ She ignored how the thought echoed with a note of hysteria as she shoved said book into the messenger bag over her shoulder.

“Are you Sierra O’Niell?”

She was only slightly surprised when the massive robot spoke. Because why wouldn’t the giant robot that had just moments ago been a jet be able to speak? Honestly, what even was her life at this point. She was more concerned with the fact that the thing knew her name. Her initial instinct was the demand how it knew her name. But she’d seen the movies. She knew that would only confirm it’s suspicions.

“Who?” she forced herself to ask instead, surprising herself with how steady her voice was. It was the shock, she told herself. It had to be. It was making her emotionally numb. “What are you?”

The robot seemed startled, before it snarled something that was most definitely a curse. It started speaking, though not to her, and it took Sierra a moment to realize it must have been talking over some sort of built in communication system. “-wrong human, Soundwave! This pathetic fleshling you pointed out to me doesn’t even know who I am talking about.” It paused. “What do you mean it’s not the wrong human? I just told you-“ it cut itself off. “Ah. I see.” A sinister grin twisted at metallic features. “Thank you, Soundwave. I will return with my prize shortly.”

Oh, Sierra did not like the sound of that.

Sure enough, the robot turned to face her when it was done. “It seems you lied to me, little fleshling.” it sneered. “My associate tracked the signal of your personal communications device. You humans never go without it, I’ve been told.”

She blinked. “You hacked my phone?” she sputtered, and oops, she’d just confirmed her identity. ‘Stupid, Sierra.’

It’s face twisted into a cruel expression of glee. She did not like it. “Indeed.” It began bending down, and then a large hand was reaching towards her. “You shall be coming with me, human. Soundwave has seen how Jackson Darby is fond of you.” it purred. “You will make a lovely bargaining chip against that pathetic human runt and his Autobot protectors.”

And wait, this was because of Jack? How did he come into all this? If this thing was after her because of him, that had to mean he knew about it and it’s…friends. Did robots have friends? She didn’t know. And wait, Autobot?

She stiffened, scrabbling away from the large metallic hand, shunting those questions to the back of her mind to be answered later. Escape the terrifying metal monster now, murder Jack for pulling her into this later. Clearly though, the robot disliked her attempt to flee because it only growled and stepped towards her again.

That’s when she heard the roaring of a powerful engine. It made the robot pause too, and they both looked to where the sound came from. Then, over the crest of a hill, a white and blue sports car came flying in. It had red accents and bold 38s painted onto its doors. Sierra was impressed. She was no car person, but even she liked this one. Only, the car started breaking apart once it hit the ground, unfolding and growing into the form of, you guessed it, another robot.

Sierra despaired for her luck. ‘Murphy is going to die a second time for this. He’d better be prepared.’ She thought with vicious hysteria.

Except, to her great surprise, the new robot didn’t try to help capture her. No, instead it rammed full force into the tall jet robot that had tried to snatch her up. Said jet yelped before quickly getting back to its feet. Sierra heard the should of metal and gears shifting, and saw the newcomer’s large hand change to some sort of weapon, though not one she could recognize.

“Terrorizing humans now, Starscream?” it taunted. “Can’t say I’m surprised, you always were one to sink so low.”

The first robot, Starscream, apparently, snarled in outrage. “Pathetic Autobot!” it roared, and oh, so this newcomer was Autobot?

Except, from the two names she’d heard already, that didn’t sound like the type of name these robots seemed to have. She did notice the little face badges they wore, the white bot bearing a red one proudly on its shoulders while the jet robot wore a smaller, pointier face on its chest. So maybe those had something to do with the whole ‘Autobot’ thing? Hell if she knew. Sierra was clever, and she’d always been good at puzzles and mystery solving, but she didn’t have enough information for this whole…thing.

“I’m not the one who’s picking on defenseless humans, ‘Con!” the car robot barked, smirking at the skinnier jet.

The jet only snarled, lifting an arm that she was just noticing had a freaking missile attached to it, and the white robot stilled briefly, before shooting her a frantic look and oh, would you look at that, she seemed to be right in the blast radius of the missile, and oh god she was going to die-

Except, there was that shifting sound again, but much larger, and then car robot was leaping towards her. It hit the ground in car form, it’s driver door open as it slid sideways in her direction, and then she was swept up into it and the door slammed shut. Tires squealed, and then they were peeling away to the sound of a missile screaming and impacting where they had been a half second before. The jet roared in outrage, but the car robot was speeding straight towards civilization, and it seemed to want to avoid that because when she glanced at the rear view mirror she saw it leap into the sky and transform before flying away.

Sierra slowly sat up from her ungainly sprawl, pulling the seatbelt across her chest on reflex before sitting back against the driver’s seat and wheezing. Her heartbeat, which she only just noticed had been thundering wildly in her chest, started to slowly calm, and she had to force herself to take deep, even breaths to keep herself from hyperventilating.

Now, Sierra wasn’t an irrational girl. She was among the top students of all her classes, she was smart, she knew a lot about various topics, and she had a good understanding of how people worked. She was clever, she knew she had a good head on her shoulders. She kept some of her interests closer to her chest, and she played the good, polite, quiet girl for the adults, because she wasn’t without manners, thank you very much. All that meant, though, was that she wasn’t prone to screaming in terror and running like a madman when she was freaked out by something. She would prefer to understand something rather than be irrationally terrified of it.

This, though? This was a bit much, even for her. As her heartbeat calmed, a sense of nausea built in her throat. “Excuse me, robot?” she squeaked. She wasn’t even sure if she could communicate with it while it was in car mode, but it was worth a shot.

“It’s Smokescreen.”

What?

“What?”

“My name is Smokescreen. Not “robot”.”

It sounded miffed. Which, okay. That was fair. If someone called her just “human” she’d probably be upset too. Hell, she had been upset when that other one, Starscream, had called her a “fleshling”. Smokescreen’s voice also sounded very male, and she paused before asking.

“And you’re not an “it” either, then?”

“No, I’m a mech.” A pause. “Uh, a male, by your definitions.”

“Okay. Smokescreen. Well, I’m Sierra, and as grateful as I am for your rescue you should really, really stop and let me out. Humans don’t handle extreme stress very well and I’m about to be sick.”

“Sick?”

Oh god, did robots even get sick?

“I’m about to vomit. Which means I am very close to expelling internal body waste, and it will be right in your seats if you don’t let me out so I can barf behind some rocks.” she informed him tightly, fighting down a gag.

There was a brief moment if silence as Smokescreen seemed to process her words, before he turned off the side of the road, drove behind some rocks, and popped open the door. “Please don’t be sick in me.” Oh, now he sounded sick. Sierra felt a little bad.

She didn’t say anything to that, instead stumbling out of the car and out of sight, before promptly bending over and tossing her breakfast. She gagged on bile, and after a moment of pause to make sure there was nothing left in her stomach, she stood and made her way back to where Smokescreen was waiting. She pulled her water bottle from her bag, taking a sip and washing out her mouth with it before spitting it to the side, and then she proceeded to drink everything left in the bottle. She tucked it away, turning to her impromptu ride, and opened her mouth to speak, when-.

“Oh slag.” He beat her to the punch.

She was confused, recognizing that as a curse of some sort, and then she heard the beeping from his radio.

“Um, hold on for a minute, alright? I gotta take this.” He sounded anxious, and didn’t give her a chance to answer before there was a click as he did just that.

She heard muffled noises over the radio, though she couldn’t make out the words being said.

“Um, yeah. There was a ‘Con signal. I was close so I checked it out.”

More radio noises, angry sounding ones.

“I know, I know! But I was closest and no one would pick up their comm. so I thought I should st least check it out! It was a good thing too, Starscream was there and he was about to snatch up a human!”

A pause, and then an explosion of garbled noise from the radio. Sierra got the feeling that Smokescreen was wincing.

“Well what was I supposed to do? Let her be taken? Plus she’d already seen him so it wasn’t like seeing me was going to do much damage!”

A growling noise, followed by a hiss of static.

“Yes, Ratchet. I know. And I am sorry, alright! I know I went against code again but if I had waited a human would’ve been in Deception hands and as new as I am to this planet, even I know that’s bad!”

Wait, planet? Was this giant ass robot an actual alien? That…honestly made sense. With that day she’d had, she wasn’t even surprised. Smokescreen was still having his discussion with…whoever was on the other end.

“Yes, I’ll bring her back to base. I’m not going to apologize for saving her, though.”

More angry static.

“Yeah yeah. I get it.”

He sounded tired, defeated. Sierra felt bad, and wondered what was being said to make him sound like that when he’d been so bright before.

“No, you don’t need to send a ground bridge. I’m close to the base anyway. I’ll be there soon.”

There was a click as Smokescreen disconnected from whoever called him, and then she could tell he was talking to her when he spoke next. “Mind hopping in? I gotta bring you back to base. The boss can explain everything. I promise you won’t be hurt or anything.”

Sierra hesitated for a moment, then sighed. She knew she probably shouldn’t, but at this point what was the harm? Besides, her gut instinct was telling her that, based on what that Starscream character had said about Jack, she wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt. Not if Darby spent all his free time around these weird alien robots and came back fine. Mind decided, she slipped into the car’s open door. It shut on its own, and she buckled herself in once more.

“Thanks.” He sounded grateful. And then he was driving off.

He wasn’t saying anything, and neither was Sierra, and she let herself be alone with her thoughts. They drove for a while, and Sierra let herself enjoy the landscape that passed by Smokescreen’s window. He really was a nice ride, she mused. Sleek and fast, and his engine purred quietly as he drove along the highway. She didn’t know much about cars, but she knew his car mode was a good one.

Soon enough, they were coming towards a large mesa. Smokescreen drove right toward its side, not even slowing as he approached, Sierra tensed, about to protest, when a previously invisible door opened in the rock face. She shut her mouth, her eyes blowing wide. Oh. That explained that. Their base was hidden in plain sight. Which…she supposed was fitting, for alien robots who disguised themselves as cars and jets. Smokescreen took them through a tunnel, and then they were coming into a large central chamber. Sierra peeked out if the window to see two other robots there. One, stocky and painted in red and white. The other…was absolutely massive. He towered above the red and white bot, and she had a feeling he’d tower over Smokescreen too. He was broad as he was tall, with wide shoulders and a heavy looking chest, his metal armor painted in red and blue. Sierra didn’t know how she knew, but she just knew that this large one was a he, a mech, as Smokescreen had said.

The door at her side popped open, and after brief hesitation she unbuckled herself and stood up. There was that sound of transformation behind her, and she glanced back to see Smokescreen rising to his feet in his robot mode. Then a voice spoke and she snapped her head around to see the large bot speaking.

“Greetings, young one. My name is Optimus Prime. My companion is Ratchet, and you have already met Smokescreen.”

Ratchet. That’s who Smokescreen had been talking to earlier. “I’m Sierra.” she said after a moment. “Sierra O’Niell.”

Optimus tilted his head downwards in her direction. “May I inquire why Starscream was attempting to abduct you, if you know?”

“You’re very polite.” she remarked dryly. “He said something about wanting to use me to get to Jack Darby, so that he could in turn use Jack to get to the “Autobots”. I’m guessing that’s you guys?”

Optimus shared a look with Ratchet, then looked back at her. “Indeed. Myself and my team are Autobots. Starscream is a Decepticon. Our factions are enemies, I am afraid.” he explained. “We are not from your world, Sierra O’Niell. We hail from a planet called Cybertron. Our two factions were at War on our home, and that War destroyed our world. The Deceptions came here, searching for energon, and we have followed them to keep them from destroying your planet and it’s people in their quest for it.”

Sierra turned that over. She’d guessed they weren’t from Earth, so that wasn’t a surprise. The rest of the information was new, though. And appreciated. “What’s energon? And how does Jack fit into all this?”

Optimus sighed. “Energon is an energy source, and the very lifeblood of every Cybertronian.” he explained. “It is a natural resource that was once common on our home, and somehow Earth too produces it in great abundance.” he explained. “Jackson, Miko, and Raphael became involved with us by accident. They were seen with my Autobots when they mistakenly were pulled into a battle with the Decepticons, and the Decepticons assumed they were our allies. In order to protect them, we took them under our watch and guard to ensure they could not be harmed.”

So, Esquivel and Nakadai were part of this too. She shouldn’t be surprised. She’d seen the cars that picked those two up, now that she thought of it. Speaking of which….

“Jack’s motorcycle is an Autobot, isn’t it? And Miko and Raphael’s cars?”

Optimus hummed. “Indeed. Arcee, Bumblee, and Bulkhead were the ones to initially partner with and save the children in that first encounter. After they were brought into the fold, it made only sense to assign them as their Autobot guardians.”

Sierra nodded as she took that all in. Then she frowned. “I’m involved now too, aren’t I? I would have been involved regardless, if the Decepticons were really after me, but Smokescreen saving me just means my involvement is going to be more pleasant than it otherwise would have been.”

Optimus and Ratchet shared yet another look, before casting their gazes to Smokescreen. The white bot fidgeted under their combined stares, head ducking and looking uncomfortable. “While we are not pleased that the youngling acted on impulse and charged into battle against protocol, we are pleased that he saved your life, young Sierra.” Optimus said after a moment.

Sierra blinked. “Youngling.” she repeated in confusion. Then she narrowed her eyes. “You’re not getting him into trouble for saving me, are you?” she asked heatedly. The very idea insulted her.

Optimus twitched as if startled, then rumbled a soft chuckle. “Youngling, yes. It is a term used by Cybertronians to refer to those of us who are not yet fully grown. Smokescreen is the equivalent of a human teenager.” he explained. “And worry not. In this instance, we can overlook the breach in regulations. It would send a poor message to punish a bot for upholding the Autobot creed.”

Sierra relaxed at that, nodding. Then she narrowed her eyes. “I’m going to want to have a discussion with you later about why you’re letting teenagers fight in a war, but I know now isn’t the time.” she said threateningly.

Both older bots startled back and her tone and words, and Smokescreen squeaked from behind her. She turned and drew a harsh line across her mouth before he could say anything, and she watched as he stared, slack-jawed, before closing his mouth with an audible clack. That done, she returned her attention to the apparent leader. There was one more thing she wanted settled.

“You said the others got guardians, right?”

A nod.

“Well, if I’m going to need one, and something tells me I will, then I want this one.” she jerked her thumb over her shoulder at Smokescreen.

Optimus’s eyes narrowed in what she realized was a faint smile. “If Smokescreen agrees, then I have no issues with that.” he hummed. “All I ask is that you remain here until our liaison with the human government arrives. Agent Fowler will want to discuss some matters with you before you return home.”

Sierra blinked. So the government knew about all this. That was good to know. It meant she wouldn’t get in trouble for conspiring with aliens if it ever came to light. She could also understand why they kept this whole thing a secret, even if governments hiding things from the public wasn’t always a good thing. In this case, it was a good thing.

“As long as I’m home before my curfew.” she agreed.

Another bow of that great head, and then Optimus was turning to stride away. Presumably to make contact with this Fowler. That left her and Smokescreen with Ratchet.

The stocky bot glanced at them, then turned to that odd console she’d noticed earlier. “Smokescreen will show you around.” Was all he said, waving them away with a dismissive flip of his hand.

Sierra, taking that as her cue, turned to the youngest bot. She thrust out her hand. “What do you say? Partners?”

He seemed confused, before slowly crouching and extending his hand to tap a finger to her palm. “Yeah, sure.” he seemed a little awed that she’d want to partner with him.

She smiled. “Good. In that case, why don’t you give me a ride and show me around your base?”

Smokescreen seemed confused. “Ride?”

“On your shoulder. I’d like to see it from your perspective.”

He blinked, then shrugged and put his hand, palm up, on the floor. Sierra took that as her que to climb up, and he carefully transferred her to his shoulder. Cool. Very cool. She just wanted to ride on the giant alien robot, and now she got to. That was cool.

She saw him look at her out of the corner of his bright, shining blue eyes, and she smiled warmly. “Well? Show me around your home, big guy. I’d like to get to know you.”

Smokescreen perked up, the little protrusions on his back wiggling with his apparent joy, and Sierra grinned a little wider. Oh, he was cute. How a giant robot could be endearing, she didn’t know, but he did it. He was sort of like a puppy. A giant, metal, alien puppy. She held on as he started walking, and she listened with half an ear, processing and noting what he told her as the rest of her mind turned over the events of her day.

It had been stressful, and scary, but now that it was all done and she was fine…

‘Yeah.’ she thought, watching her new partner eagerly show her around the small, hidden base he called home. ‘I think I’m gonna like it here.’

———————————————————————————————————

And that was that! I hoped you like it! It was fun to write. The show didn’t give Sierra a last name or a real personality, so I had to kind of do that bit myself. And I was right! I did enjoy writing this. The prompt inspired me to write this faster than I thought I’d be able to. I do not expect to be able to fill a prompt this quickly again. Unfortunately. Also, Sierra is definitely going to be the straight man to Smokescreen. He’s going to need it. Badly.

Until next time, friends!

[dreamcatcherjiah]

PART 11

💞Tight Hearts (Idol!Hoseok x Reader)

Plot: The red string of fate was visible when our grandparents were children. They would play around, following the strings from one person to their soulmate and laugh happily when these two people inevitably found each other. It was a reason for happiness. But little by little, people stopped seeing the threads. In bad times, it was dangerous, it was a liability, so people stopped seeing them to protect each other from harm. When I was born, nobody saw them anymore, they just felt their soulmate. Anxiety, happiness, sorrow, love, the hearts of the soulmates are one, feel the same things, but it is almost impossible to find your soulmate, now that the threads cannot be seen.

Tight Hearts Masterlist

Part 11

A/N: I may have gone a bit overboard with this one, but I literally couldn't stop writing! I hope you guys like it! Tell me what you thought? ILY🥺♥️

The boys were practising for their next comeback and they could see how you, from the other side of the room, were desperately trying not to freak out at being allowed in the room while they did. The song was powerful, dark and all-around a fantastic feast for the eyes, or so had you blurted out to Jhope when he asked about your opinion. You had instantly turned absolutely red and went to hide in the furthest corner of the practice room, as far as you could go without feeling discomfort. He thought that was cute.

He went back to his dance, losing himself in the movements, letting go of his thoughts and only moving with the music. The choreography was still in the early stages, the changes in position weren’t as seamless as he would have liked, Tae nearly kicked him while trying to do the one-handed turn, but it was okay since they had time to polish every single thing before January. They moved into the title song, which still was missing some of his rap. He hadn’t been precisely in the right frame of mind to finish his bars but now, nothing was stopping him from taking you into his studio and getting to work. The choreography needed it anyway, there was no link between the first chorus and Yoongi hyung’s part, which made it incredibly difficult to choreograph anything. What they could do, however, was perfect the dance-break, Jin hyung had opted out when given the option and that left them in two groups of three. During his part, Hoseok’s eyes moved on their own accord and focused on your reflection in the mirror. Your embarrassment had completely disappeared from your face, now filled with awe. You followed every move with rap attention, your head bopping with the low base as his body moved and hit every beat. His heart swelled when he felt how pride radiated out of your every pore, reaching him through the bond, energising his soul, endowing his last steps with strength and precision. Now was Jungkookie, Yoongi and Namjoonie’s turn, their turns already flawless; Joonie’s face alight with glee when he managed the turn made you laugh. Yes, he was happy. You made him happy with only your presence but, the appreciation and the support you were giving them, not only because of your being an Army, touched something inside his chest.

When the music stopped, some of them dropped to the floor, almost all of them, save for Namjoon. He skipped his way over to you, screaming euphoric after nailing the choreography for the first time, zero mistakes! He grasped your hands and pull you upright, dancing around the room, jumping and turning, making you laugh in glee. The sound of you laughing made them all stop, no longer catching their breaths, but looking at the tender picture of you and Namjoon. His eyes glancing around at his brothers, Hoseok caught glimpses of Jiminie’s eyes hiding behind crescents when he smiled, Tae and JK laughing in disbelief, how Jin hyung took out his phone to record and winked at him, as if telling him I will send this to you later, don’t worry. Yoongi hyung was simply just looking at him, a deep glint of pride in his eyes and a satisfied smirk breaking through his impassive façade.

Hoseok’s feet took him, without even realising, to where you were standing now, your hip resting against the refreshments table with a huge grin splitting your face. Head devoid of thought he just got closer and closer to you, wrapped his arms around your waist and rested his head on your shoulder. He sensed the second when you registered what he was doing, your body tensing, to relax instantly. Your hand flew to his head, resting there and caressing the short, damp strands of his hair behind his ears.

A chorus of teasing voices surrounded the two of you, Hoseok not paying any attention to the jabs, only focusing on how his muscles had untangled and his agitated breathing had instantly calmed the second he touched you. His rapid heartbeat, he knew, was not due to the straining dance moves he just did. It was you, it was all you, surrounding him. Your scent inadvertently invading his senses, your hand moving from his head to the nape of his neck to finally rest around his shoulders in an all-encompassing hug. His breath now caught in his throat when his traitorous brain told him how the depth of his feelings, so fresh and novel, was reaching a point of no return. He didn’t care. As long as you were this bright presence by his side, he would never regret his feelings for you.

After joining Hoseok and Namjoon in the latter’s studio while they worked on some verses for the title song, you met the rest of the boys and all of you were led in the same cars you arrived at a restaurant to have dinner. The place was deserted as Hoseok led you by the hand to a private dining room where a huge round table was set for eight. The managers just led you in, told some things to Namjoon and Jin and left you to your own devices.

The room was nosy, with a happy Hoseok to your left and Seokjin to your right, your eardrums bursting, but still, you were happy.

“Taehyungie hyung almost ended up hanging up his wet shoes in the company’s bathroom!” Shouted Jungkook, his belly laugh so contagious that even Tae ended up laughing while trying to explain.

“You just hate your shoes Taehyung! Everyone knows it!” You told him, eating some bulgogi from Hoseok’s plate while he was distracted laughing.

“Now, that’s not fair, you have an unfair advantage,” Tae answered, setting his elbows on the table and supporting his weight on them, “you know an awful lot about us and we know practically nothing about you, miss Army,” his teasing remark made you instantly shut up, a blush reaching your ears. Hoseok instantly projected his care toward you, wanting to let you know that Tae didn’t mean it with malice.

Taking a deep breath, you braced yourself, searched for Hoseok’s hand and looked Taehyung straight in the eyes. “What do you guys want to know?”

Mischievous looks transformed the boys’ faces until Jin reined them in and calmed them by saying: “She may know about us, but she doesn’t really know us.”

While the staff came in and set the rest of the plates on the table, silence covered all of you. Seokjin was right. All of you knew it. You being a fan allowed you to know a certain amount of information about them, only the little bits that they chose to display, the little bits they shared. But there were many more sides to their personalities that they had kept close to their hearts. Namjoon wasn’t always the confident leader, his clumsiness too much for him sometimes. Yoongi, the quietest one, had been loud and supportive during rehearsals, running after the maknae line in a sort of catch-me-if-you-can game. They cared for each other in different ways, giving Hoseok a bottle of water as soon as he looked more winded than usual, hugging him from behind when a routine didn’t match his expectations… If anything, getting to know them from this close only made you love them more.

“You can ask me anything you want, it’s only fair. I’ll do my best to answer sincerely,” you smiled up at these men, so different between each other and yet they all had the same surprised look plastered on each of their faces. Hoseok recovered quicker than his brothers and reached you to kiss your cheek. Far from shying away from his show of affection, you smiled up at him, tightened your hold on his hand, and faced the table.

Namjoon was the first one to speak, brows furrowed as he played around with the food on his plate. “Let’s make this fair as you say,” he told you, “for each question from us you answer, we tell you something about us. I’ll start.” He looked around and after seeing six nods, took a deep breath and looked at you in the eye.

“I hate when we get asked questions about our personal lives during interviews about our music. They don’t care about it, they just want what Army can do. And I despise that.” His eyes were alight with sincerity as he opened up about himself, not about RM, but Namjoon. Smiling at him and nodding, you wordlessly thank him and give him the cue to ask you a question. “When did you start feeling pain because of the bond?”

Seeing his question had taken you by surprise, he looked sheepishly at you, waiting for your answer. He had dived right in.

“I was seventeen, maybe around 2011, it was something weird, like a pull behind the ribs. It wasn’t too much of a bother at the beginning, that changed over the years.”

Contemplating your words, the boys kept eating in silence while they mulled over who was going to ask you next.

“I… hate when people get close to us for our fame and use it against us,” said Jin next to you. His face was calm, his words steady. “Did you ever think it wasn’t worth it? Having a soulmate?”

Instinctively, your right hand flies towards his left, squeezing and looking at him. You didn’t have the strength to answer that question looking at Hoseok.

“A few months ago… I took a few days off work. The pain was so bad back then that I couldn’t even get up from the bed. I didn’t know who they were, but I just knew they were suffering the same pain I was. Hurting them that way didn’t make it worth it, I wanted to end it that day. I am not proud of it, but I don’t regret thinking it either.”

Suddenly, a wave of sadness hits you like a ton of bricks, just as Hoseok’s head rests on your shoulder. Jin looks at your wide eyes and smiles at you calmly. His presence is something you could never repay him for, you valued what a gift he was to the people around him. Without saying a word, you turn back to Hoseok, hugging him around the neck, only wanting to get rid of those negative feelings inside him. After a while, still agitated and without looking at you, he spoke.

“My biggest fear was being the reason my soulmate could potentially die,” he whispered, so low that you were sure nobody else had heard him. He shook himself out of his feelings and with a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes, spoke his question. “What do you value the most in life?”

Giving him back the biggest smile you could muster, you didn’t even need to think what to answer. It already was second nature, to tell the truth to this wonderful man, no questions asked.

“My independence, my parents always taught me how to be independent and I love the feeling of being able to provide for myself, give myself little prices when I feel like I’ve done something right and I am satisfied how it turned out.” Hoseok hadn’t taken his eyes away from yours as you answered, pride sweeping out of him as he kissed your forehead and settled you against his side for the time being. How fast had he caught on to know that you needed his comfort only from looking at your eyes?

The faces around the table were solemn and you got the feeling that the relaxed atmosphere they had intended for dinner had gone out the door the second Tae unknowingly started the interrogation. You wanted to stop, but you didn’t have the heart when they were also confessing to you, showing you parts of themselves. It was then when you realised that they also needed to tell you, not because they wanted to pay you somehow for the information you were giving up; they wanted you to get to know them as they were getting to know you. Jungkook was getting fidgety by the second and he was boring a hole in his plate with his stare until he raised his eyes and blurted out his confession.

“I grew up in the spotlight and I am used to the lack of privacy it brings, but when my life is aired out when scandals come out, I just want to be a 23 year old whose biggest concern is handing in essays on time and looking for a job,” he didn’t stop to breath while leaving it all out in the open and, giving the lack of reaction of his older brothers, this wasn’t the first time he lamented his lost childhood. “What is your happiest memory?”

You did have to think about that question; despite the pain, your college years had been some of the happiest of your life, when you picked up dancing and some of your best friends to the date you met then. Thinking clearly, there was a clear image in your head when you thought about the happiest moment of your life.

“It may have been my last year of college, some of my friends had been abroad the year before and we hadn’t seen each other in months. We met for Halloween, bought a ton of food and a lot of alcohol,” you chuckled, already happy only at remembering those couple of days, “we went to one of my friend’s house, we had pizza for dinner, listened to music and got drunk! I still remember clearly how my friend started dancing to Chungha and even dropped to the floor in the chorus of Gotta Go! We started speaking in English and we couldn’t switch back to Korean! We even started hugging each other every time we refilled our drinks…” you hadn’t noticed how you had raised your voice as you excitedly remembered that day, gesticulating with your hands, and now everyone in the room was happily looking at you, sweet smiles in their faces. You blushed a little bit and turned towards your soulmate, his head only a tad bit taller than you when he hugged you like this. His eyes were reflecting the happiness you were feeling and showing you just how much he cared for you.

Yoongi coughed a little, breaking the little bubble inside which you found yourself with Hoseok, making you focus on him.

“I know that, no matter what, music will always be a part of my life, but I am scared that people might misinterpret my message, dub me something I am not. Someone I am not,” he said, with such a conviction that the room descended into silence again. Even if his statement was frightening, how much of him depended on being understood, his gummy smile instantly made an appearance and, deviating his eyes to Hoseok for a millisecond, he asked: “Are you happy?”

“Immensely,” you responded, not needing to think and not needing to hide. After such a sincere question, that didn’t need further explanation, you looked at the two remaining men, while your soulmate’s arms tightened around you.

Taehyung and Jimin glanced at each other, debating who would go next and seemed to reach an agreement between them when Taehyung spoke first.

“I miss my grandmother a lot these days, I am always wondering what she would have said if she saw how far we’ve all come,” he told you, eye to eye, with a nostalgic smile that made his face solemn and distantly happy at the same time. “What are you most grateful for?”

The answer came instantly to your lips, but you had the good sense to clasp them closed before you blurted it out. You contemplated modifying your answer until something caught your attention; Namjoon was focusing all his attention on you, jaw locked and raised eyebrow, daring you to lie, to half-ass your way out of the question. That alone gave you the courage to say it, but it didn’t mean you couldn’t hide while saying it. Burying your face in your soulmate’s chest, you spoke up, loud enough so everyone in the room could hear.

“Hoseok.”

Loud whoops and peals of laughter could be heard even at the entrance of the restaurant, Hoseok’s chest vibrated with his sweet laughter, not restraining himself, he kissed the crown of your head several times and tightened, if it was even possible at this point, his hold on you until your ribs hurt.

Coming around the table with a face-splitting grin on his face, Jimin took your hand in his and extracted you from a not-so-happy Hoseok, who pretended to sulk while Jimin directed you to a part of the room that didn’t have furniture in it.

“I hated you at the beginning because you were hurting Hoseokie hyung, but now I don’t ever want you to ever leave,” he said all this with his sweet smile and didn’t even give you time to ponder on what he had said when he was asking, “Truth or dare?”

With a confused face, you hesitantly answered dare and began regretting it almost instantly, as he pulled out his phone, and gave it to Taehyung.

“I dare you to keep up with me dancing to Fake Love, if you manage, I’ll give you whatever you want,” Jimin told you, eyes filled with mischief and feet already moving of their own accord. Your jaw could have practically touched the floor.

“Are you… I haven’t danced in years, HOW DO YOU EVEN THINK I COULD KEEP UP WITH YOU?!” You accused, hearing disbelieving laughs behind you, “You just want me to make a fool of myself,” crossing your arms over your chest and stomping your foot, you were the picture-perfect image of a petulant child.

“You don’t fool me, I have been watching you while we practised, you know our choreos, you couldn’t keep yourself still and the movements that got away from you were precise and on the beat. You can do this, I just want to see if you have the courage,” he mocked you, arms cross in imitation of your silly pose and haughtiness rolling off of him in waves. Hoseok was looking between the both of you, looking oddly offended and pensive.

Now, pride wounded, you weren’t thinking in how seven professional idols were looking at you and analysing your every move, you just wanted to wipe the silly smile off his face. Signalling for Taehyung to start the song, Jimin asked whose part you wanted to dance. With a hoarse Hobi’s you tried to warm up your muscles at record speed, with your luck, the best end of the night would be you breaking a leg.

Before the music started playing, Taehyung telling you he’d give you a cue so you weren’t caught off guard with the sudden start, you closed your eyes. Among your anxiousness, you felt, strong and latent, how pride was slowly filling you, from the tip of your toes reaching up until there wasn’t a single part of your body that didn’t feel the emotion. Reassured and certain that Hoseok was still there, Taehyung gave you the cue and the music started.

In the beginning, your muscles screamed at you in outrage after so many months of disuse, outrightly refusing to cooperate. Still, you managed to keep in time with Jimin, his steps so fluent it didn’t even seem difficult for him. The chorus was tricky, you needed to put the energy you didn’t have behind your movements, needed to make it look flawless, one foot in the wrong place and you’d trip. Your breathing became laboured and you focused harder, that special calm that used to envelop you when you danced washing around you and blocking out everything but the music and the constant presence of Hoseok next to your heart.

Your back hurt when you had to crouch down and it still protested a little bit when you were supposed to be fighting with Taehyung and Namjoon while Yoongi rapped, but you pushed through. Now more than halfway through the song, you were aware that your eyes were open but unseeing, you were aware of Jimin waltzing laps around you but you didn’t care. After having to quit dancing because of the pain, you were feeling it again, the rush, the adrenaline. You were feeling the euphoria of it all.

You kneeled on the ground, while Jimin stood behind you, pretending that Taehyung was there, holding him. Then you got up and turned your back to the room, catching your breath, coming down from the high dancing had given you. The last chords of the outro came out of the speakers and you rolled your torso backwards to end up enveloping Jimin in an awkward hug. The song was over.

Breathing hard, and not hearing a single noise in the room, you dared a look around and found six pairs of wide-open eyes focused solely on you. Turning your head a bit to the right gave you a glimpse of a proudly smiling Jimin nodding at you.

“Was I that bad?” You asked, and six sets of jaws dropped to the tablecloth.

Tag list: @obsessoverthesmallthings247 @threedecadesofawkward@mabel-k3 @tremendousminyoongi @justignoremepleaz @demonic-meatball @hadaises @littlestsweetpea28 @rjsmochii @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @gali-005 @salty-for-suga @indicisive-af @nomimits7@lysjeon @raisatarannum1234 @purplelady85@threedecadesofawkward @valentynxmgc @acopenhagenarmy@ephyra1230 @minluvly @trashandshook @brinascorpio@trixiethebear @hobi-love @geekgirl41402​ @annywaa​ @mirajanefairytailmage​

[12tardis]

Love Language.  (Newt Scamander x Reader)

Warnings: brief mentions of bullying Pairing: Newt Scamander x Reader 

Summary: Newt notices your love for sunflowers during your early years at Hogwarts and he’ll do anything to see you smile. Tooth-rotting fluff and some jealous, pining and protective Newt. 

Authors note: This random idea popped into my head when I should have been doing my uni readings. I hope you like it! Please send me any ideas/requests that you have. I NEED inspo. 

Words: 5,272

 Newt had been hopelessly in love with you since second year and one of his favourite things that never failed to set his heart aflutter was watching you in Herbology lessons. You were always so excited and happy when you would listen to Professor Robson talk about all the different magical plants. This lesson was no different in that respect, you were still eagerly hanging off the Professors words, but Newt kept catching you glancing at the sunflowers that had recently been planted by the Greenhouse.

He’d seen you admiring the flowers from afar for the last couple of weeks actually, since the very day they’d bloomed and he savoured the look of awe on your face and the small imperceptible smile you would wear every time you saw them. You were walking across the grounds together, headed for Potions class and Newt saw the way your eyes drifted back to the flowers as he told you about the most recent shenanigans in the Scamander household.

Of course, you would be most enthralled by a simple muggle flower instead of all the stunning magical flowers the castle had to offer. He was pretty certain they had only planted said flowers for the nurses to use in the medical ward.

The flowers didn’t cross his mind again until he walked into the Hufflepuff common room several weeks later. He smiled when he saw you sat in your favourite spot, curled up underneath a canopy of hanging plants. “Hey! I didn’t see you at lunch. Have you been hiding?”, he grinned at you, flopping down beside you and nudging you. Newt knew something was bothering you immediately when he noticed the way you flinched slightly at his presence and glanced at him, barely meeting his eye before you quickly looked back at your book. “Oh hey, Newt. How was your day?” you murmured quietly, and Newt then noticed the dark circles under your eyes.

The way you had shied away from him must have been what he looked like to everyone else, including you when you had first met. He had initially been skittish around you but you had quickly broken down his barriers and were now the only person, other than his family that he could maintain eye contact with without becoming a nervous wreck. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”, Newt asked as he gently touched your arm, looking at you in concern. You tensed in response and considered lying to him briefly, but Newt knew you too well and there was no real reason for you to lie to your best friend.

Newt saw you hesitating, so he sunk down in the chair beside you a bit awkwardly, in an attempt to get you to meet his eye. “It’s...it’s nothing. It’s stupid,” you muttered, looking back at him and letting out a sigh when you saw he was looking at you with nothing but patience and concern in his eyes. Newt was the kindest person you’d ever met and you knew he would never judge you or ridicule you for your feelings. “I just couldn’t sleep last night because...because-I-kept-having-nightmares-about-the-night-my-mother-died”, you said in a rush but you knew Newt had heard you clear as day judging from the breath he let out in response.

You stared down at your lap blankly and let out noise of surprise when Newt suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into him after a minute or two. And if he noticed a few tears spill from your eyes he didn’t say a thing. “Anything that upsets you isn’t stupid, Y/N. Your feelings matter. You taught me that. You don’t ever have to suffer alone because you have me and I’m always here for you.” Newt said firmly as he focused all his energy on making you feel safe and cared for.

He stayed by your side all evening, only leaving momentarily to fetch you both some dinner before he returned to your side, keeping you company. His side was pressed against yours when you were both curled up by the fire and he would be lying if he said he didn’t cherish the contact. You perked up a little as the hours wore on, but he could see you were still a little crestfallen and scared to sleep when you headed off to bed that evening.

Newt watched on with a small smile of pride the next day when he saw the way your eyes lit up at the sight of the single sunflower that was sat against the tree where the two of you had decided to sit and study. You clutched the flower in your hands and smiled back at Newt and he merely raised his eyebrows with a hum. “What an odd thing to leave behind,” he murmured as he sat down, leaning against the tree and thinking the scolding he’d received from Professor Robson that morning when she’d caught him cutting the flower was well worth it just to see you smile again.

 -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     -     

 Almost exactly three years later when you were both sixth years Newt was feeling rather bitter and sorry for himself as he watched the one and only Gryffindor seeker Zachary Lindensbaum bragging to his friends about the hot date he had upcoming that weekend with none other than you, the love of his life.

Newt had been sat right beside you the day before at breakfast as you opened the letter from Zachary of his hideous hasty scrawl asking you if you would accompany him on a date to Hogsmead. Newt had nearly scoffed when he saw the handwriting, rolling his eyes because he would never write you something so careless but his thoughts were interrupted when he saw the deep blush that suddenly covered your cheeks and Newt could have sworn he felt his heart give out.

He watched you as you flipped your hair over your shoulder and glanced back at the Gryffindor boy in question, smiling bashfully at him with a small wave and he honestly thought he was going to throw up his half-eaten breakfast.

She can’t possibly like a guy like that

She is so far out of his league it’s ridiculous

Newt balled his hands into fists and all he could hear was his heart pounding in his ears when Zachary was suddenly at your side, shoving himself between yourself and Newt, already trying to charm your pants off. Newt excused himself from the hall quickly, not looking back at you as he fled the room, knowing he needed to remove himself from the situation before he did something to upset you.

Is this what heart break feels like?

He avoided you the next few days because it made his chest physically hurt to see you. Avoiding you was easy enough since Zachary seemed to be plastered at your side now, even at break times which had always traditionally been your time together.

Newt had never considered himself a jealous person before. Protective yes, he’d learnt about that particular characteristic the first time he’d seen you cry but the hot coil of jealousy that grew in the pit of his stomach at seeing Zachary push a strand of your hair back from your face was a foreign feeling to him. He suddenly found himself thinking violent thoughts for the first time in his life and oh what he would give to punch Zachary in the mouth right now.

His jaw was hurting from how hard he’d been grinding his teeth in the great hall that morning when he saw Zachary gift you with a single red rose. Newt couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the cocky smirk the boy wore as he presented you the flower and he felt the briefest sense of glee when he saw your fake smile in response. What an idiot. You hated roses. They didn’t suit your vibrant and warm personality at all. Newt turned away and got to his feet after he saw a more genuine smile pass over your face and he suddenly felt that sickening ugly sensation return to his stomach.

And if Newt hadn’t been so focused on fleeing from you like a shy first year all over again he would have noticed the uncomfortable expression you wore each time Zachary cornered you or the way your eyes immediately flew to him when he came into the room. He would have seen the hurt expression you wore every time Newt turned away from you. You didn’t like Zachary’s touch. It felt wrong and it felt invasive and not at all like Newt’s comforting touch.

It was the day you were due to go on the dreaded date and Newt was sulking in the library, hissing back at Pickett who was lecturing him for not being honest with you about his feelings. He hadn’t spoken to you in 5 days now and it was making him truly miserable. He knew he was being melodramatic, but he swore he would never be warm again if he didn’t hear your laughter again soon.

You were so beautiful and carefree when you were laughing at one of his terrible jokes. He could hardly breathe when you would look at him with that twinkle in your eyes and you would grip him close like he was the only person in the world that mattered. What he would give to go back in time and tell you just ho-

Newt was broken out of his daydreaming with a yelp when Pickett scratched him lightly behind his ear to grab his attention and it only took him a few seconds to pick up on the whispered conversation occurring between some girls from your Potions class.

“Did you hear about Zachary and Lindsay getting back together?”

“But I thought he was going out with Y/N today? He hasn’t shut up about it all week”

“No, he went right up to Y/N this morning and told her it was all a prank. In front of EVERYONE. Apparently, his friends set him up to it.”

Newt had heard enough and quickly slammed his text book shut, practically sprinting from the library as he headed towards the one place he knew you would be at this time of day but he was momentarily distracted when the sunflowers by the greenhouses caught his eye and he saw Professor Robson crouched down , re-potting a bunch of her plants.

“Professor Robson!”, he half shouted, cringing in apology when the teacher dropped one of the plants in response and turned around to glare at Newt accusingly. “Sorry I...Can I trouble you for one of the sunflowers? In a pot maybe? You see my friend is having a bad day and I would really like to cheer her up”.

The Professor stood up as she looked at Newt curiously and dusted her hands off on her apron, grabbing one of the terracotta pots. “This friend doesn’t happen to be Miss Y/N does it?”, she hummed, grabbing a small shovel and passing it to Newt who gaped are her in response to which she only laughed.

“You think I haven’t noticed her fondness for my sunflowers or your fondness for her?”, she teased. Newt blushed darkly in response and Professor Robson only laughed again before she set to work, instructing Newt on how to dig up the flower and the root ball, helping him quickly pot it up but having him do most of the work. “Very well then. You best hurry, Mr Scamander. I don’t want my best student being miserable before her exam.”

Newt quickly thanked her before he ran off in the direction of where he knew you were, leaping up the steps to your hiding place and carefully setting the potted flower down behind you when he saw you hugging your knees to your chest and sniffling quietly as you rocked back and forth slightly. He thought to himself for a moment before he settled down behind you.

“Y/N,” he called out quietly so as not to startle you as he gently wrapped his arms around you from behind. He let out a breath of relief when you relaxed back against him, a fresh flood of tears coming on as you sniffled loudly “N-Newt!”

Newt hummed as he slipped his arms around your middle, hugging you close and gradually adjusting to the feel of you against him, having not held you in his arms like this since 4th year when some girls had been bullying you (read here). “Shhh shhh, I’ve got you. He’s an absolute idiot for ruining his chances with someone as incredible as you”, he murmured as he hooked his chin over your shoulder.

You sniffled as you shook your head in response, wiping your eyes “I don’t give a rats about him, I’ve just never been so humiliated before!” you said only crying more at the memory, closing your eyes tightly. “Everyone was watching and so many people were laughing at me. I wasn’t even going to go out with the idiot, but he wouldn’t let me get a word in all week and now he has the audacity to humiliate me in front of the entire school! I can never show my face again! Everyone thinks I’m a joke. Just the weirdo girl that nobody wants to date.”

Newt listened to you carefully, his mouth dropping open when you said you didn’t want to date Zachary after all, but you were still rambling on before he could respond. “And you keep avoiding me I was scared you didn’t want to be my friend anymore! What did I do, Newt? You’re my best friend I can’t bear you hating me. I’m s-sorry for whatever I did”.

Newt noticed you were starting to tremble a bit against him as you were growing hysterical. “Y/N, Y/N,” he murmured quickly, gently stroking your hair back in an attempt to get you to look at him and grimacing when you only seemed to be escalating “Y/N stop! You did nothing wrong. I was being selfish. I was upset that you might want to date someone as awful as Zachary and I was selfish and I’m sorry. I could never ever hate you” he said, brushing your tears away softly and then taking your hands from where you had them bunched up in your robes. “And while you may have felt embarrassed I’m certain everyone else must have been sitting there thinking about what an ass Zachary made of himself and anyone who did laugh is not worth your time anyway.” He said slowly and clearly, making sure you were listening to him properly.

“He is an absolutely vile numbskull”, he continued “and you are incredible and stunning, and any guy will be lucky to date you. More than lucky to date you because no one will be truly worthy of someone as clever, kind-hearted, loyal and... beautiful as you.” Newt trailed off, setting his own nerves aside in favour of calming you down.

He hummed and squeezed your hands when you had settled down a while later, gently uncurling one of his arms from around you and then awkwardly reaching back behind himself until he could grab the sunflower, carefully reaching around you again and setting it in front of you “I dug this up for you to cheer you up.”

You gasped in response and let go of Newt’s hands, quickly snatching the pot plant up and holding it to your chest with a wide smile. Newt immediately missed your warmth against him, but he could only smile when he saw your reaction and watched the way you stared at the flower with pure unbridled happiness, your hurt seemingly washed away as simply as that.

“Newt this is my favourite flower how did you know? How did you get this?”, you asked, turning around to face him still clutching the flowerpot tightly against yourself. Good god you were adorable.

Newt smiled and scratched the back of his neck, willing himself not to blush and give away his feelings “I-well I noticed you always stare at them in Herbology classes and Professor Robson helped me. Well I did the work, but she told me how to dig it up.” He murmured and you then spotted the soil that covered his hands.

You set the pot down again beside you before you quickly flung your arms around Newt’s neck, settling in his lap without a thought and pressing a firm kiss to his cheek “thank you so much!” You breathed, oblivious to the deep blush that filled his cheeks at the kiss and the way you had settled in his lap. “Newton Scamander you are too good for this world,” you murmured into his shoulder.

Newt smiled as he slowly wrapped his arms around you in response, carefully settling back against the wall as he held you close not quite believing that you were really there sitting in his lap, snuggled with your face pressed into his shoulder. He was too shy to respond and tell you that you were his world.

Newt watched on with a smug smile a week later when Zachary Lindensbaum walked into the great hall sporting a bright purple head of hair, staring down at his feet in humiliation as the students started to laugh at him. You looked over at Zachary with your jaw agape and then stared at Newt in shock when you noticed his shoulders shaking with laughter. “Did you do that?”, you whispered leaning into him as you watched Zachary grab some food before storming out of the hall.

Newt shrugged and smiled innocently at you before he reached over and squeezed your hand “no one upsets you and gets away with it...plus I quite like the purple don’t you?”, he smiled, pulling his hand back when you only continued to stare at him. “Oh come on it will only last a week. Maybe two at most” he murmured, pouting at you.

A couple more moments passed before you let out a sudden loud peel of laughter, leaning into Newts shoulder as you snorted, slapping your hand against his knee and he could have sworn he’d fallen for you all over again.

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 Several years later you and Newt had only been dating for a few months when he found you a little downhearted in your apartment one evening because of a failed job interview. Newt smiled when he spotted you curled up on the couch, hugging one of the cushions to your chest with a slight pout on your lips.

“Oh love, you don’t even know how it went yet, don’t look so down.” Newt said softly as he walked over to you and crouched down beside the couch, stroking your hair back. You sighed, closing your eyes as you leant into his touch slightly still not tired of his loving touches. “It went terribly though. I couldn’t remember a single useful point. He thinks I’m a fool.” you muttered, still not opening your eyes.

You sat up quickly a second later, feeling guilty for moping around when you had both agreed to put work matters aside for the evening and just enjoy each other’s company. You pressed a gentle kiss to Newt’s temple when he too got to his feet, smiling apologetically up at him. “Let me just go and shower and freshen up and then I’ll get started on dinner”, you said, squeezing his arm before you disappeared into the bathroom in your shared apartment.

Newt smiled after you and shook his head as he suddenly realised how to cheer you up. He grabbed his coat and slipped it on before he walked out of the apartment and apparated to the nearby markets where he quickly grabbed some supplies to make your favourite meal, stopping in at your favourite florist before he apparated back to the apartment all before you finished in the shower.

He set to work preparing dinner after he had carefully set the dozen sunflowers into the finest vase he had and set it in the middle of the dining table in the other room. You frowned at him when you entered the kitchen a short while later “Oh Newt you shouldn’t have. I promised I’d cook tonight”, you murmured though you were incredibly touched when you recognised him plating up all your favourite foods.

You went to go and set the table, already feeling much better from Newts thoughtfulness and you paused when you saw the sunflowers adorning the table. Your face instantly broke out into wide smile as you walked over to the flowers, lightly touching them as you admired them. Reminiscing over all the other times Newt had surprised you with the same flowers.

You startled slightly when you felt Newt’s arms wrapping around you from behind, his hands settling over your waist as he pressed a series of feather light kisses to your jaw. “You always know how to make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world”, you breathed, tipping your head back against his shoulder and sucking in a breath when he began pressing kisses to the sensitive skin of your neck instead.

“I will always do everything in my power to make you smile,” Newt whispered into your ear, kissing down from your ear and stopping at your collar bone “because you are my everything and seeing you smile does things to my heart.”

You twirled around in his arms, wrapping your arms around his neck lazily and gazing into his eyes with a soft smile before you leant up on your toes and kissed him deeply. You slowly pulled back from the kiss as you gently toyed with his hair at the base of his neck, smiling teasingly as you pressed your body flush against his “dinner can wait don’t you think?”

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 About a year after your wedding you were waddling through the apartment heavily pregnant with your first child, searching for your husband which lead you towards his case.

You were surprised when you were actually able to open the case since Newt had put a locking charm on it months ago when you first began showing. You had had many arguments since then over the fact that Newt would no longer let you into his case to see your creatures but he just never seemed to budge. This was very out of character for him since Newt had always previously crumbled at your pleading. Usually all it would take was one look and a carefully timed bat of your eyelashes and Newt would cave like putty in your hands.

“Newt, I’m pregnant I’m NOT fatally wounded!”

“Y/N, I know that and that is precisely why I can’t let you back into the case until after the little one is born!”

“The creatures would never hurt me or the baby! They never have before. You’re being ridiculous! I just want to see my babies.”

“Y/N,I am not discussing this further, it’s a no and that’s final. No! Don’t you dare make the puppy dog eyes at me they won’t work this time!” He said firmly, crossing his arms as he squared his shoulders and stared back at you with an expression you’d never seen directed at you before.

You huffed and stormed away from Newt, sitting down on your bed and sighing loudly. Your love and adoration for your husband had never wavered, even after years of being with him but his stubbornness was doing your head in right now! You understood he was protective of you and the baby, but you weren’t used to seeing him so firm with you and in your very hormonal state it was all the more frustrating.

Now months later he still hadn’t shown any inkling of relenting in his over-protective ways, in fact he seemed to be hovering around you even more lately like you were going to break any given moment. He’d been basically following you around like a lost dog all morning, stepping in to do things for you that he decided were too taxing on your body and as much as you liked to pretend that it irritated you, you secretly found it rather adorable.

So now when you were able to open the case you couldn’t help but do a little victory dance before you went to step inside the case. You rolled your eyes in annoyance when Newt suddenly appeared from inside the case. “Uh uh uh”, he reprimanded as he waggled his finger at you and you frowned at him ready to put up a fight, raising your eyebrows when he held his hand out to you.

“I’m not just going to let my very pregnant wife try to navigate the staircase she has slipped on more times than I can remember on her own now am I?” he said before he smiled lovingly at you and lead you down into the case, taking the utmost care while you just stared at him like he had grown two heads.

“The creatures aren’t really the reason why I wouldn’t let you come down here. They love you far too much and they’ve always been exceptionally careful with you because they know there’d be hell to pay if they ever did harm you”, he explained, squeezing your hand as the creatures all rushed over to greet you.

The Niffler climbed up onto you and nuzzled at you happily while the rest of the creatures followed suit, nuzzling into you too. You blinked back tears as you pet all the creatures happily, having not realised just how much you had missed them all. You looked back at Newt with a frown “then why?”

Newt took a moment to admire you, standing there with one hand cradling your stomach and the other petting the creatures who were loving on you. It was a vision he never wanted to forget as he was reminded of all the years he’d spent pining over you and now here you were, your stomach round with his baby as you embraced his creatures.

Newt was shaken out of his musings when you repeated your question and he smiled again, making his way through the crowd of creatures and taking your hand “patience my love, I’m getting to it.” He teased, looping his arm with your own and guiding you through the case at a leisurely pace, taking his time because it amused him to see the mixture of impatience and confusion on your face.

You tipped your head aside curiously when you recognised that he was leading you towards the greenhouse and field he’d made for you the previous year, choking oh your own breath when you saw the new field he’d obviously planted, filled with rows upon rows of flourishing sunflowers “Newt”, you gasped, lifting your hand to your mouth.

You had tried several times to grow your own flowers over the years but none of your attempts had ever taken much to your dismay because magic simply wouldn’t work. So the first time Newt had seen you cry because of your pregnancy hormones he had made up his mind that he would grow you a whole field of them himself.

He’d had to read up on many muggle gardening books in preparation and had spent the last several months toiling away at the soil, checking on the seedlings every day between tending to your greenhouse of plants as well since he hadn’t allowed you into the case to care for them yourself. There had been many times he’d nearly given up in frustration but he persevered imagining how happy you would be when the flowers finally did grow.

Of course, the surprise was a big factor in keeping you away from his case but he also just wanted to keep you from over exerting yourself which he knew you would, wanting to help him out as much you could. Now you were so far along into the pregnancy and allowing yourself plenty of rest Newt figured he could let you back into the case and you would take it easy.

“This must have taken you months, Newt”, you breathed out, leaning into him as you looked around you in awe. “Well, I know you’ve been feeling a little emotional with all the changes happening to your body and I knew this would make you happy.” Newt murmured, smiling down at you “I’m quite proud of myself really. This is all by hand.” he said before he lead you over to the small stone bench he’d build, sat under a Rowan tree that was almost identical to Pickett’s home tree that you both used to sit under back at Hogwarts.

“And I thought this would be the perfect spot for you to sit and relax with the little one when he or she finally comes,” Newt explained, pulling you to sit down next to him. “Oh, Sweetheart”, he murmured, wrapping his arms around you when he noticed you had begun to cry, gently brushing your tears away and chuckling lightly. “And to think you were about ready to slap me just a few minutes ago,” he teased, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You sniffled and lay your head on his shoulder, holding his hands tightly in your own. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you. This is...I can’t believe you’ve done all of this. It’s perfect Newt, I couldn’t have even dreamt this in my wildest imaginations,” you murmured, your emotions eventually settling down again, allowing you to enjoy the moment properly.

“I can’t believe you’ve put up with all of my tantrums these past few weeks just to keep this a surprise”, you murmured, shaking your head at him and Newt chuckled again, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand. “Oh they’re hardly tantrums. Plus, I find you especially adorable when you’re mad”, he said, grinning widely when you frowned in response.

“See! You get this cute little pout and you think you’re so tough. It’s quite entertaining really.” Newt teased you more, his fingers lightly tickling your sides and you grabbed his hands, the retort dying on your lips when you felt a sudden kick in your stomach. Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled Newt’s hands to rest over your stomach “do you feel that?”

Newt’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open into a little ‘o’ when you both felt the baby kicking again and he smiled widely, lowering his face to your stomach and pressing a kiss there. “Oh, hello little one, are you feeling a little restless in there?”, he murmured, keeping his hands on your stomach as he lay his ear against you and listened intently, unshed tears shining in his own eyes.

You smiled down at your husband and reached down to gently card your fingers through his curls, shifting a bit when the baby kicked again but keeping your eyes trained on Newt. “I can’t wait to meet you. I bet you’re going to be just as beautiful as your mother,” Newt murmured lowly, looking up at you through his lashes and smiling lovingly at you.

You smiled and sat like that with Newt sat at your feet, leaning against your thighs with his head propped carefully against your stomach and your hands thread together. You both watched the sunset in the new garden sanctuary Newt had built for you and you knew you would always be happy and loved so long as Newt was beside you.

PLEASE SEND ME PROMPTS!  -MASTERLIST HERE-

[mirageofthecrystal]

FFxiv 30 Day Writing Challenge - Day 4: Baleful

baleful (adjective)

deadly or pernicious in influence

foreboding or threatening evil

“These tracks are fresh. Spread out and find him! The wretched heretic could not have made it far!” The Inquisitor barked his orders with a hungry, mayhap even baleful malice, each moment that passed another embarrassment to his name. The suspected heretic known as Faiolan Penderghast had somehow slipped from his cell, and not just that, but had enough time to arm and armor himself before somehow fleeing the city. How not a single guard, Temple Knight, or simple-minded peasant had set their gaze upon him he could not fathom, though he did have half a mind to drag the lot of those that were ‘questioned’ into a cell and question them further to root out any sympathizers and traitors that may have aided and abetted the attempt.  And then they could all hang alongside the damned heretic, for fleeing from imprisonment and his impending sentence were surely evidence that he had cavorted with dragons and dragon-lovers. There would be no mercy for Faiolan now, no placating the Archbishop with his deeds and his heroism in the battles he allegedly fought in. Every piece of his life, every moment of his history, it was all suspect. The Inquisitor’s mouth twisted into a facsimile of glee at the mere thought of the ways he could and would inflict suffering upon the heretic once they found whatever hole he had hidden himself away in. 

While Temple Knights and Inquisitors stomped through the snows of Coerthas, Faiolan kept to the shadows, out of sight of any who might deign to return him to his cozy little cell back in the city. He still had no inkling of who had opened his cell, nor who had incapacitated the guards and left for him his armor and weapons. Someone had allowed his escape from the city with ease, leaving him a simple path to follow with all possible obstacle removed. They did not, however, leave him any indication of what to do next. The only thing he could think of was to flee as far and wide as he could, as far from the halls of the Holy See as he dared. Gridania lay just beyond the border, but such was even still too close to home. To further lands he would need to flee, under the guise of one seeking refuge and asylum from the many terrors and misfortunes of the world. To Ul’dah, perhaps, a land brimming with such folk who had nowhere else to go. A place such as that, he could find a way to disappear. And yet Faiolan knew very little of the outside world, much less how he would manage to traverse the whole of Eorzea to reach his far flung destination. Especially with such a vile Inquisitor as Mariuseaux dogging his every step. His men constantly grew one step closer to discovering Faiolan the longer he lingered in any one place, and so he needed to keep moving, keep running.

Inquisitor Mariuseaux welcomed himself into the small fort, where knights were huddled around the fire, clinging to any vestige of warmth they could. Stew was boiling upon a pot, fresh meat of karakul ushering in a hearty aroma. The knight stood and stiffened at the sight of the Inquisitor and his men, who began to search the building with no hesitation. “Is there aught we can aid you with, Lord Inquisitor?” One of the knights stammered out, quite aware of the rampant reports of heresy even in those who seemed most faithful. The Inquisitor was short on patience, turning on the man with fierce hunger in his eyes. "We seek a heretic, escaped from his cell and our custody. He was a knight of Durendaire by the name of Faoilan Penderghast. Perhaps you have heard of that family’s recent treacheries?” The words were like sweet wine in his mouth, so voraciously did he enjoy the hunting of heretics. A man was nothing if he had not passion for his own doings. "N-no m’lord, no such person has been seen by my men. Not to my knowledge.” “And which is it?” “M’lord?” The Inquisitor began to strip away one of his gloves, then the other, all while keeping eye contact with the confused knight. "Is is either that your men have not seen him, or, that you have no knowledge whether they have or not. Those are two... very... different... things.” His voice grew more venomous with each enunciation. "I apologize, m’lord, but I can’t say I understand your meaning. We have not seen him.” “I thought you just claimed that he had not been seen, to your knowledge. Which means, perhaps, there is someone who has such knowledge that they have not shared with you.” 

Without so much as a word of instruction, the Inquisitor’s men moved to detain and disarm the knights. When Mariuseaux was like this, there would either be answers, blood, or both. The Inquisitor withdrew a small book of prayers from his robes, and thus invoked the Fury to bless his endeavors with success so that the might root out all evils that seek to subvert his watchful eyes. "I suppose you shall be the first then, since you apparently have no knowledge worth our time. That should make this very short work indeed before moving on to more... plentiful fonts of information. Escort him to the cellar, and prepare him for questioning. Pray not too make your tongue too loose, ser knight, lest you make me believe that you would so easily betray Ishgard’s secrets as you betray the answers to that which I ask...” The man dragged the knight away, leaving Inquisitor Mariuseaux alone for a moment, where he let out a deep breath of anticipation. "Wherever you flee, I shall find you. You, Faiolan Penderghast, that traitorous dragoon whom you call uncle... every heretic that bespoils your line and the blood of House Durendaire, all of Ishgard, until we lay bare of the vile corruption of the Dravanians. This I swear in the name of the Fury, in the name of King Thordan, and in the name of the Archbishop, whom I serve in the utmost. Alas... duty calls,” As he strode towards the door to the cellar, he uncoiled a vicious looking implement, like a whip but with pointed metal pieces at the end of several splitting tails. He would get answers from these knights... whether or not they were useful remained to be seen.

[springbudeyes]

That which you ridicule, you shall become.

A while back I wrote and deleted a post claiming, “That which you ridicule, you shall become,” and a smart individual asked me if they could become a billionaire by that logic.

Fair play, but no, that’s not what I was trying to say.

What kind of billionaire do we hate? A greedy one. That would seem to describe quite a few of them. But some of us become so consumed by hate, with rhetoric like “eat the rich,” that it spurs the question: why hate so bitterly? Are we oppressed? Certainly. Disenfranchised? Of course. And maybe - just maybe - a little envious? That’s worth considering. And the tragic outcome of envy is this: when we’re given the chance to dethrone the thing we hate, usurp it, and become it, we do so with self-righteous glee.

We hate the billionaire, but we should hate the greed. When we hate the player rather than the game (the game being greed), greed is the thing we begin to embody. Or if not greed, something just as foul. A false frugality imposed on everyone. Envy taken to a different but equally disastrous end: the elimination of outliers, the shattering of all precious gems.

But I wasn’t thinking of billionaires when I wrote that.

I was thinking of illness and misfortune. I’ve found that when I put myself above a person in bad circumstances and think to myself, “That could never happen to me—I’m too careful and wise,” before too long it takes me by surprise.

A recent bout of migraines and neck pain spurred me to write this. I once thought that my good hydration habits and impeccable posture made me immune. I chided friends and family for neglecting their bodies. And all the way to thirty-one, I rarely had a headache. But when chronic pain hit at twenty-nine, I couldn’t live the same. I sat differently. My focus suffered. Then came covid. As depression got the better of me, I slouched longer and longer at the computer. Slowly but surely, the vertebrae in my neck and back began to slip. And here I am.

I told myself that my art, my joy, and my listening ear would keep my friends around. Even if I took flight like the wind, they’d wait for me. They were my roots, my launch pad, and my landing. “Begging for affection?” I thought - “That could never be me” - as they begged for mine.

Most of them are gone now. If not in presence, in spirit.

I thought jealousy was below me. When push came to shove, I couldn’t handle the idea of sharing and I had no idea why. I took so much pride in using Apple products. They lasted. They endured just like I did. In the past month I’ve had two costly malfunctions.

My prediction is that if I can’t curb my hubris, something will happen to my legs. They might be my finest assets. I can leap like a gazelle. I have strong hobbit feet which can traverse all manner of texture and temperature. I’ve looked down my nose at people with bad joint health and told them to exercise more. Well, guess what. My right knee is going.

And I thought I could be productive as long as I put my mind to it. My identity was “creator.” The ones who did nothing but laze about, game, and complain “just weren’t trying hard enough.” Well, shit happened. Life got overwhelming and bleak and wracked with pain and my body and mind became a prison, and now I’m hanging on to what I have, praying it’s enough. Oh, and I thought that I, a functioning adult who had overcome his pathetic teenage gaming addiction, would never backslide. Wrong.

I thought I would always know what I wanted and what I was was capable of. I pitied the wanderers, the dabblers, the doubters, and those who gave up on their dreams. And now... Well, let’s see where I am after a few more failures.

In ridiculing Christians, I became like the Christians I ridiculed.

That which you ridicule, you shall become. Not a hard and fast rule – hell, maybe it’s just my own karma – but certainly worth some reflection.

[punkrockprofessor]

in every kind of way

life had taught remus a lot about love. from a young age, he understood that love wasn’t the all-encompassing, galactic force of happiness and joy that movies made it seem like. he understood that love was work, sacrifice and, despite whatever idealistic nonsense the poets had come up with, love was conditional.

love wasn’t the happy conclusion to your life, the ending that made every suffering worthwhile. love was just an emotion that bound you to people until eventually, inevitably, it ran out.

so here he was, dressed to the nines and waiting for his love for sirius to simply fade away.

remus had loved sirius for more than a decade and he had loved sirius in different capacities - as a classmate, as a brother, as a friend, a fellow troublemaker and as a soulmate. with each year that passed by, remus waited for the roaring romantic songs playing in his ears to quieten down, and instead found himself falling deeper and deeper for every new side to sirius that he discovered.

the boy was a phenomenon, a force of nature with so many layers to understand, to care for, to love. and remus, an absolute buffoon, was helpless to his magnetic pull.

“remus, my boy,” sirius said with a clap of his hand on remus’ shoulder. “why the long face? you look like you’re preparing to meet the reaper.”

silver eyes and black hair. it shouldn’t be attractive. not after so many goddamn years.

“well, I’m dressed to go for a blind date that you have set up for me and you threatened to disembowel prongs and wormtail if they told me who it was with,” remus stated with a wry smile. “excuse me for preparing for the worst.”

“moony, are you kidding me?” sirius said, taking another step into remus’ space and inserting all ten of his fingers into remus’ carefully coiffed hair. “if i knew how to summon the grim reaper, i would be the one getting ready to go on a hot date and getting my booty eaten.”

remus laughed, his heart calming down just a tad. it was ironic how sirius was the cause of his trampled over heart and the only person who could soothe him.

sirius grinned softly, running his fingers gently through remus’ hair until they fell apart into his natural curls. “mm, much better,” he said, fixing his favourite curl to fall perfectly in its place on remus’ forehead. he cupped remus’ cheeks and ran his thumbs across his brows and then his cheekbones. “my beautiful boy.”

remus knew that he should be working on letting his feelings for sirius fade, he knew how dangerous his unrequited love was, but just for a second - just a moment - he allowed himself to be sirius’ beautiful boy. he let himself belong.

“moony,” sirius said softly, “you know you don’t have to hide things from me, right? you can tell me why you looked so glum before.”

all sense of warmth quickly left remus, leaving just a sense of dread simmering at the bottom of his stomach. “of course,” he said quickly, trying not to show how terrified he felt at where this conversation could be going.

“then why won’t you admit it?” sirius asked, tilting his head just so. “just admit that you were monologuing in your head, like the dramatic little gay boy that you are.”

remus laughed boisterously and suddenly, a combination of relief that his secret was safe and the knowledge that sirius would always know everything about him, apart from the one think remus needed him to know the most.

remus grinned, turning to the mirror again to make sure it looked real and not practiced. “of course i was. can’t go to dates without monologuing. has glee taught you nothing?”

you can do this, remus, he thought to himself, hands clenched into fists on top of his thighs. just have to get through this one date and prove to yourself that you don’t need sirius. you can date and love others.

remus had arrived right at the designated time for his date with the mystery boy at the fancy restaurant sirius had sent him the address for. their little booth was in the very back corner of the restaurant, cozy and away from prying eyes. however, it was fifteen minutes past the Date Time and there was no mystery boy to be seen.

just as remus was making up his mind to leave, a body slipped into the seat opposite him. a body he was, unfortunately, very familiar with, both clothed and naked, thanks to james and sirius’ “nature wanted us naked” phase in grade 7.

sirius looked flushed, face red like he was nervous and also like he had had at least five shots of tequila before his appearance.

remus groaned, hiding his face in his hands. “oh my god, did he bail on me?”

sirius’ grin remained frozen on his lips but he made a questioning sound. “who?”

“the guy you set me up with!” remus said, flinging his arms around and sitting back dejectedly. “god, this is another level of pathetic. dude doesn’t even know me and already wants nothing to do with me.”

“um, there seems to have been some confusion,” sirius said.

remus grunted. “what.”

“um. you remember how i set you up with the perfect man for you? someone that i guaranteed would love and cherish you forever?” sirius said. his grin was still unmoving, nervous and a little psychotic.

remus nodded.

sirius breathed deeply through his nose and tossed remus a peace sign. “well. surprise! its me. i’m the date.”

there was a lag then, inside remus’ brain. it probably lasted only a few seconds, but it felt like it took him years and years to take in sirius’ words and his twitching facial muscles and make a connection between them all. it took him a few seconds, but once he finally processed what was happening, remus quickly picked up his glass of water and emptied it on top of sirius’ head.

“remus! what the fuck!” sirius shrieked, cubes of ice slipping down his shirt.

“fuck!” remus said, instantly picking up one corner of the table cloth to dry his best friend/soulmate/partner in crime off. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry! my brain stopped working for a minute there.”

“uhhhh,” said another voice and remus looked up from drying up sirius’ pecs to see a confused waiter standing next to them. “is now a bad time?” he asked, a giant dish of something already in his hands.

“no, sorry, there was just some...spillage,” sirius reassured and remus walked back to his side of the booth, shamefaced. “we’ll clean it up.”

the waiter raised a cynical eyebrow and placed the dish between them. a giant plate of spaghetti and meatballs. ���can i get you both anything to drink? or perhaps, you have had enough?”

remus burrowed himself deeper into his seat and said, “i’m so sorry.”

“no,” sirius said firmly, the amused glint back in his eyes. “nothing to drink.”

the waiter nodded graciously and walked away, leaving behind an awkward remus and a grinning, wet sirius.

“so. would you care to explain that reaction?” sirius asked with a giggle.

remus groaned, digging his face into his hands and deciding that he could live his entire life like that. “only if you explain why you’re my date first.”

“well, that part is simple,” sirius said and his eyes quickly turned serious, but still fond. “i love you.”

slack jawed, remus’ hands dropped back into his lap. he felt lifeless, out of his body, out of the universe. no way was this happening to him. nothing good ever happened to him.

“i’ve loved you since we were, let’s see...hmm, eleven?” sirius said and remus hiccuped. sirius laughed, light and breezy, like he wasn’t changing remus’ entire world. “i’ve loved you for so long and i finally decided that i can be brave enough to say it to you. finally grew confident enough in our friendship to know that even if you rejected me right now, i know i wouldn’t lose you as my...my person.”

“your person?” remus questioned blankly.

“my person,” sirius agreed solemnly. “my everything.”

remus hiccuped again and grabbed for sirius’ glass of water. he gulped it down greedily, feeling a little crazed. he pointed at the spaghetti. “what’s with this?”

sirius blushed harder, nervously scratching at his neck and averting his gaze. “well, if you don’t reject me today, i thought i..um, might as well fulfil my biggest dream in life, huh?”

remus looked at him in confusion until it clicked. he giggled, suddenly feeling floaty and giddy. “you wanted us to lady and tramp it if i agreed to date you?” he asked, grinning.

sirius cheesed just as wide and shrugged, shameless. “nothing wrong with trying.”

remus stared at sirius for a second and committed the sight to his memory - the wet strands of hair sticking to his face and his neck, the blush on his cheeks and the nervous grin on his lips. he decided that maybe love was work, sacrifices and compromises, but seeing a giddy, flushed sirius was worth every second of suffering and sacrifices.

“moony,” sirius said queitly. “stop monologuing and give me an answer before i piss my pants.”

remus giggled again, helpless and a fool. he leaned forward in his seat and picked up a single noodle with his fingers, putting one end in his mouth.

“let’s see if you can find the other end,” he said around the noodle and sirius’ eyes widened comically.

“fuck that, you know i have no patience,” he said as he leant across the table, grabbing remus’ face in both his hands and kissing him full on the mouth.

remus giggled into the kiss, the single, saucy noodle still stuck between their mouths, and sirius licked the extra sauce from his lips in a decidedly unsexy manner. 

remus pulled back to commit this sirius to memory as well, the one with meatball sauce on the corner of his lips and water dripping down his nose.

“hey,” he said fondly. “i love you too.”

listening to every kind of way by h.e.r. got me inspired to write a drabble. don't forget to like, share and subscribe! press the bell icon to never miss a new video! uwu!

[azrielrose]

overly long Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Pt 1-4 Spoilers below the cut:

Stream of consciousness time.   I liked this show, though it wandered a bit...too many cheerleading/singing scenes, thanks Glee, I guess.  Loved the aesthetic, some of the clothes I’ll remember forever.  Lilith was obviously a fav, freakin Michelle Gomez.  It was hard to watch her character fade a bit in 3 and into 4, so I was savagely glad she got her vengeance, AND all the power.  A lot of people are upset she ate Adam, but I feel it was in character, rather than let Lucifer raise her son the way you know he would’ve.  She’s understandable, she’s not Good.

Nick, I always liked him best for Sabrina, I was obviously excited in the most evil ways when they gave him SPN Sam’s storyline, sacrificing himself and getting stuck with/tortured by the devil...they even also heavily implied that he was raped by lucifer.  After, he suffers PTSD, abusing alcohol and drugs, becoming oversexed, self harming.  Sabrina’s kind of a dick about it, but I thought that was somewhat understandable.  She’s just a teen after all, it’s not weird for kids to wish the person in their lives with mental illness would just (suck it up/act normal) bounce back and not understand when they can’t.  But then the show validates her pov rather than correcting it.  She literally tells him off for making his ‘melodrama’ her problem, or something.  And that’s what seemingly snaps him out of it--we don’t see ptsd from him again.  That’s pretty fucked up.  I mean, if you’re going to write canonical rape/torture trauma for a character, you should have to follow it through at least somewhat responsibly, rather then send a message that a ptsd response is somehow self-indulgent and can be handled with will power or some shit.  (We SPN fans were blessed to have Jarpad, who protected this aspect of Sam’s trauma as best he could, sometimes with no help from the writers.)

As for Sabrina M, I thought it was stupid that she’s blinded to that clay kid’s true intentions.  She knew who and what he was the entire time she competed with him and was as vicious as she had to be to win.  If her Morningstar side was her ambitious, power hungry side who fought so hard to be Queen of Hell, where did it all go?  All the sudden she’s a starry eyed kid who believes in insta romance because he says the right words.  She already knew he’d lie and betray her in a second for the Crown.  That makes no sense.  Why did she need to be with him or anyone, to the point where she gets married at 16?  Where did all the early seasons Girl Power energy go?  

Funny, though, that they just pretended Lucifer wasn’t trying to make her his incest/child bride the season before.  S2 he was like ‘uh call me father but only in private’ and now he’s all ‘my daughter that I care so much for’.  Did they get a lot of shit over that, and decide to just pretend it away?  It’s a shame, because they had that storyline where she was Lucifer’s Sword, and merging witches and humans make more powerful witches and they just..........dropped it.  For this Morningstar Nuclear Family Plus Caliban the Husband shit.  That red wedding dress was killer tho omg.

Ugh.  Anything else that matters?  Zelda and Mambo were robbed for no reason, that was crap.  I love Zelda.  I LOVE Hilda.  I was so happy when they did the au ep with Hilda and Zelda from sitcom StTW, complete with puppet Salem.

Oh, and that ending, w the actual F?  He killed himself to be with her?  People are reacting like, wow, writers legit had a mentally ill teen character kill himself because he thought life wasn’t worth living without his gf, and posed it as a Happy Ending.  But it’s worse, because by then they were pretending he shook his mental illness off, or Love Cured It or some shit.  So, Romantic Love cures mental illness, but only as long as the SO is alive.  Yikes.

Also they stole the Void scene from that time Squidward went too far in the future.  That’s all I could see.  I guess it’s not terrible the show hasn’t been renewed.  Great characters, but the storylines didn’t know where to go anymore.

[nothingbutchilledwriting]

Square Scene

A little taste of what my writing is like and some character interactions. (Still in the draft phase) A very graphic description of a panic attack and self deprecating and self hating, so just be careful

The square was too busy for his tastes: crowds of people bustled about, brushing shoulders as the hollering of vendors echoed over the obnoxious chattering of the latest gossip. Tired grey eyes scanned the sea of heads, brow furrowing in disdain at the hive of activity despite the battering heat of the afternoon sun. He hated crowds, preferring rather die than to deal with the sweaty mass of strangers. But the food stalls were on the other side of the squirming colony of bodies- of course they were -and he debated on whether or not it was worth it. Just as he turned to go back in, resigning to his fate, his stomach growled…. On second thought, he’ll do it. After all, he did promise the others food (Says he as he rolled his eyes with a scoff).

               Glaring at the dense wall of people from the entrance of the inn, Jean considered his options. Try push through and run the risk of someone getting hurt? Or, go back inside and deal with the bombardment of questions that were sure to come? Hmm, decisions, decisions… Yeah, his pride wouldn’t allow for him to back down either, the gnawing hunger becoming more persistent the longer he stood there. With a long-suffering sigh, and a quick mumble of profanity under his breath, he eyed the crowd for a few more moments, nose wrinkled in disgust with what he was about to do. Then, with a swift pull, he tugged his hood down and plunged into the writhing bodies. Instant regret flooded him.

               People bumped into him- Pandora knows where they’ve been -and the sick feeling of dread churned his empty stomach. The last thing he wanted to do was- stop touching me! His skin crawled at the too intimate touch of a foreign arm and resisted the urge to run, squirming uncomfortably. No, he could do this, he was fine, it's fine (can you just shut up!) Heart thudding against his ribcage, Jean pulled his hood further down, tilting his head further to avoid seeing their faces. Just a few more seconds, a few more seconds and he’ll be on the other side- he had severely underestimated how stressful crowds could be (again).

               Arms going cold and numb, his limbs jerked awkwardly, muscles pulled taut as a thin sheen of sweat coated his skin as his body. He must’ve looked drunk to onlookers, hilarious even as he stumbled around like a toddler (pathetic). Everything felt so heavy, like wading through mud chin deep. He didn’t know why it affected him so much, having pondered over it many times before. But having so many people, so many pairs of eyes watching him; unable to judge their thoughts, unable to see what they’re thinking was overwhelming. His throat constricted, nearly painful with how tight it squeezed his windpipe and suffocated him (Jesus Christ).

He felt exposed, like he’d been ripped open and had his guts spilled, unravelled, and strewn about to reveal his deepest secret, leaving him raw and open for everyone to see. Jean despised the feeling of vulnerability, hated feeling helpless to stop his body from reacting like it did. A grimace contorted his face. He shouldn’t act like this, this is what a child does, cower like a weak wrench. No, he was a grown man, not a small child anymore. With that, he reluctantly rose his gaze, trying to look everywhere but the blurred faces in the crowd.

               And Jean tried, he really did, but one glance to the side sent a bolt of cold terror shooting down his spine, icy water crashing over his shoulders and rooting him to the spot. It wasn’t intentional, a mere reflex flick of an eye that had seen something of interest. Between the poles of two stalls, just lurking in the shadows of the tarp, was a face. A face that had been burned into his memory, one that he’d seen over and over again in a masochistic replay of that event, one that he hoped he’d never see again. Like a punch to the gut, everything came rushing back again. He was drowning but there was nobody here to help. Not this time. This time, he was on his own. Helpless to the writhing crowd, he could only stand and stare.

               Then it moved. Slithering towards him, it snaked through the bodies like it was nothing, a cruel grin hooking their lip as it twisted to the side. Every fibre of his being screamed at him to move, but that piercing gaze held him captive, unable to move or shout. Desperation clawed at his insides, tearing at flesh and tissue with serrated claws. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t get his legs to move so he could run. The face drew closer. The stench of decay wafted towards him and the sour taste of bile filled his mouth. So close now, too close. Hysterical panic bubbled in his chest as that horrific scar curled with the delighted, malicious glee scrunching their eyes. No. No, stop, stop it, stop it! - the resonating gong of the afternoon bell split his ear and snapped him back to reality.  The last thing he saw was a rotten arm reaching out for him, blackened flesh dripping off bone before he took off in the opposite direction.

               Relying on his instincts, he sprinted with wild abandon, leather boots pounding into the earth as his body worked to get him as far away from the square as possible. He was no longer conscious of where he was or where he was going, the only thing clear was his primal need to run, to escape. Lungs heaving for air, he gasped, near hyperventilating, as blood rushed to his face, taking all the back roads he knew. A part of him was vaguely aware of the voice shouting his name from behind him but stopping meant danger. Stopping meant he was going to get caught. So, he didn’t. Instead, he continued to pump his legs as adrenaline coursed through his veins, running from the invisible threat nipping at his heels.

               He turned a corner and, before he knew what was going on, crashed into a solid body, nearly taking both of them to the ground. Alarm bells went off in his head; he had to keep moving, had to keep running. He couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop. Hysteria clawed at his mind, talons digging deep until the only thing he knew was pain. Jean struggled against the eerily familiar hold, thrashing violently to get away but their grip wouldn’t let up. He didn’t even realise he was screaming until a large hand cradled the back of his neck, squashing his face into a firm, sturdy chest. His spit soaked the stranger’s clothes, mouth wide open as choked cries tore through his throat.

               Gentle, somewhat gruff, hushed whispers pierced through the cotton fogging his mind, chapped lips brushing against his ear as they tumbled from the stranger- a repeated, gravelly mantra of: “Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s alright.” So soft and quiet that Jean nearly had to strain to pick them up. A pang of, something, made his heartache and he couldn’t figure out why. “Relax, you’re alright, they can’t hurt you anymore, it’s okay. Shh just relax, c’mon, that’s it, yes just relax into me. it’s okay, I’m here, I’m here.”

               Slowly, Jean sagged into their hold, the strangely familiar comfort putting his mind at ease, even if for just a few seconds. Okay- a drawn out, deep sigh- okay, it’s okay. Jean allowed the person to rock him (like a damn baby), some part of him still wanting to fight it but the other part accepting it wholeheartedly. That needy, irritating side of him that irked him to no end. After mustering up the strength, he forced himself to look up, fully prepared to chew the stranger out and swear them to secrecy (politely, of course).

“I don’t usually do this and if you tell anybody about- “Stormy eyes met those nervously warm, golden eyes and all words of protest died on his tongue. Instead, words of a more aggressive and violent nature bubbled up in his chest, an involuntary growl rising in his abused throat.

 “You.”

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) ok so this may sound so dramatic but; let me paint you a picture: i’m responding to your latest message, sitting on the edge of the sofa. i type in “lovely anon” into the search and see this longgg post come up and i’m like uhhh... i scroll down and see the people you tagged and literally. when i saw @ lovely anon. i . cried . like full on tears. my brother goes “what are you doing” “she tagged meeeee” and he continued what he was doing and didn’t care LMAOO but i was so emotional? i love and appreciate you too and aAH IM CRYING!! you’re just really sweet and i didn’t expect it at all and it was really lovely to be a part of something :’)

the kermit pic sent meee but yes yes yes!! when you start uni let me know, lol i’m so excited for you!! let me know how it goes cuz i’m literally hype hahah & yes we will be in our sad corners of the world, missing england but you’re right it’ll be sooooo worth it in the end!!! and oH i’m glad you talk to them lol i truly thought you like haven’t seen them/haven’t spoken to them this whole time😭 that would’ve been awful!

also i totallyyy get what your saying about the english speaking thing. and idk why you’re insecure (well i *knowww* bc it’s not your first language and you’re studying it in college so yuh) but your english is great :)))

lol yeah that makes sense.. my mom took french in college and she remembers NOTHING HDJSHSJ (the fact that you wanna learn MORE languages i- ahh i so admire you.. you literally know so many languages🥺) yea i mean you know a bunch of languages bc you know the base of words lol, but i wonder if because you know latin it’ll be easier for you to learn french? oh- oh wait you said it’ll be easier HAHHAHA

THERES SO MUCH EXCITING STUFF TO TALK ABOUT HDGSJSJSL it’s so wild to me that you can’t watch chaos walking :( i’m a professional hacker tho so i’ll try and find a way for you LMAO (by professional hacker i mean i literally have gotten multiple free trials and i’m pretty sure the hulu police are after me bUT ITS THEIR FAULT BC WHY IS IT SO EXPENSIVE???) i mean the movie was good? and cute? and funny? but yea don’t think it’s gonna be the most fantastic thing haha AND THE DOGGO AWWW (i saw it again today- or my today lol, saturday, aND THESE OLD PEOPLE CAME AND SAT IN FRONT OF ME AND MY FRIEND LIKE ITS A LONG STORY LMK IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT)

SHARK FILMS?!?!! PLEASE READING THIS I HAD NO IDEA YOU WOULD LIKE SHARK MOVIES TOO FHSKSHSHDJDJGAJAYSJS ok so i haven’t seen any of the classics (i’m working on it) but i would probably watch jaws to laugh at it? not like that lmao but like comparing it. OKAY BUT HONESTLY I BARELY KNOW ANYONE WHO LIKES SHARK FILMS AHHH OKAY im adding “the shallows” to my watchlist bc it sounds super good AND SAME AHSJD ANY BODY OF WATER IN A MOVIE I JUST KNOW ITS COMING LMAO watch me not go in the water anymore after seeing that picture HHDJSJ

WHEN I READ THIS I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO MY MOM ABOUT THE MEG AND THAT SCENE WHERE THE SHARKKK JUMPEDDDD AND ATE THE OTHER ONEEEE AND THEN JONAS HAD TO DO- bro i cannot (i think that one is my favorite because i love me a bit of romance and the subtle romance hAD ME) 47 meters down PHEW could you imagine?? i try not to think too hard about it i’m like “don’t be dumb catherine, don’t put yourself in a dumb situation” (not autocorrect having “dumb bitch” ready i am not lying) and i literally understand... there is no other way to explain 47 meters down

i CANNOT watch horror movies, can’t can’t can’t, i literally hate them i cannot do it!!! the thrill is tempting and it’s cool in the moment but i cant lmao. i don’t have nightmares about scary things (for the majority of the time) but going to sleep i’m like oooohhhhhh shit 🥲 literally what you explained

music !!!! music !!!! music !!!! (u ever write a word and now it looks weird lmao) MY BROTHER DOESNT LIKE MUSIC AND ITS SHIT IM LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU- anyway, my music taste is all over the place i mean......... it’s crazy. earlier today i was listening to meghan trainor’s album “title” oUT OF NOWHERE, but just a few minutes ago i was listening to fall in love with me by earth wind and fire soooo lol .. megan is *chefs kiss*, i’m not familiar with stormzy🙈, harry styles.... IM SORRY IM THAT PERSON but i don’t listen to his solo music EEK i only listen to adore you... and not that frequently... the music video freaked me out... i like niall’s solo music a lot more, which i listen to a lot more. now. one direction. favorite. please & thank you. i have a playlist called “boy bands” and it consists of one direction and the vamps (obsessed with cherry blossom btw) but as you can see my taste is all over the place!! fr fr if i sent you what apple music has as my “favorites” it went from ariana grande to carrie underwood to glee (OBSESSED DONT LET ME TALK ABOUT IT) i mean please if you let me i will nonstop (hamilton HDJSH) talk about music all day😩 & NOOO UR MUSIC IS GREAT HAHSK IM NOT A BIG RAP PERSON BUT DOJA CAT IS MY FAVORITE!!

okay good, i’m glad :) i was just nervous that you did feel that way <3 and GOT IT HAHAJ healthy pressure is always good :’) my friend got me these pens cuz i love stationary and school supplies lol and was like “now you have to write something” soooo yea i feel that! and i saw you posted the ficcccccc literally so proud of you 🥺🥺 i’m trying to decide if i read it tomorrow or tonight..... sleep or a literal beautiful creation made by the sweetest person and is v v nice smut and college!peter and 4.7k...... sleep aint really calling no more.

GIRL ALL OF MY SENTENCES ARE TOO LONG HAHAHAH IN FACT THIS IS TOO LONG SOOO (also why am i 3 days late..😑) anywho it’s 1 in the morning so <33 lovely anon

🥰

oh my god the fact that you cried nearly made me cry too😭😭🥺🥺 (also, your brother LMAO), i wasn‘t even sure if you‘d see it but i immediately thought of you so of COURSE i included you <333

the hulu police lsjsjaiaik, girl i was ready to get a hulu membership when i wanted to watch big time adolescence and i couldn‘t find it anywhereee, and when i got to the payment it said i need a bank account that‘s based in the US or whatever. like bro i was about to pay you!! but i was forced to find it somewhere (and i did, on levidia,— not that i‘ve ever used it because it‘s illegal 😤 i would never!!! i‘d rather support billion dollar companies and spend my money on watching films that i can find for free 🥰🥰🥰 not

i‘ve found chaos walking online so i‘ll watch it som time this week!! also YES TELL ME THE STORY

okay so idk if you watched/are planning on watching falcon and winter soldier but i watched the first episode the other day and they were speaking french (just a few seconds) and I UNDERSTOOD SOME WORDS DLDJDJ and i was so proud of myself. i‘ve only ever learned french with duolingo lol (i only do like 5 mins a day and that‘s why i was so surprised that i understood some of it!!). and yeah apart from latin i feel like italian, german, french and english are all similar in a sense.. i mean obviously they‘re completely different languages but for example there are some grammatical constructions in french that i think i wouldn‘t understand if i only spoke english? so when i translate those things into english you can‘t directly translate them bc you say things differently, but when i translate them into german then it makes more sense to me. idk that‘s something i noticed so i feel like if you already know multiple languages it‘s easier to learn another language compared to if you only know one language and are trying to learn a second one. even if the languages aren‘t similar then i think you get the hang of it easier.

ikd slsjsjs also i don‘t want you to think that i‘m a linguistic genius or anything lmfao, like i‘m only fluent in english and german and i‘m just a wannabe (ew that word) polyglot sksj (yes i had to google polyglot— i do think learning ancient greek would be super cool tho? like imagine studying latin AND ancient greek, whew). and honestly i don‘t think i‘ll ever be fluent in another language bc i don‘t plan on living anywhere other than germany or possibly england and i‘m not dedicated enough to properly learn any other languages esp if i don‘t have anyone to speak the language with. but i still try my best and i just love language/languages as a whole so yeah i‘m happy & just learning as much as i can dkdjh🥰

(I guess language/linguistics are/is my passion (which sounds sooo lame lmaoooo) and the word passion comes from the latin word pati (i think💀) which means to suffer, and in german passion is called Leidenschaft which basically means suffering too, idk why i‘m telling you this maybe you know it already. but ok dumb fun fact, in german you can make compound words with as many words as you like, and the longest official german word is Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsaufgabenübertragungsgesetz which is a law for the monitoring of labels on beef... this is such a dumb fact but i think about that word like once a day idk why dodjsjsj so... 👁👄👁)

but i‘ll stop boring you with my linguistics talk because truly i don‘t know much about languages but i am interested omg i‘m gonna shut up now.

now water + sharks. (so in non-covid times i always go to croatia with my dad during the summer, and even before ever watching a shark film i was always kind of scared in water.. but after watching so many shark films wldjdj HELP Like you know when you go deeper into the ocean and you can‘t see or feel the ground/floor? anymore.. then i just start imagining sharks. like i can‘t help it i just imagine a shark sneaking up on me or feeling something graze my foot ABD I JUST START FREAKING OUT SSKJSHSJ. idk. anyway kdkdh i do love the ocean/swimming though but the older i get the more i realise how fucking scary the ocean is ( even if we’re gonna disregard sharks)

your brother... what‘s wrong with him? HOw CAN YOU NOT LIKE MUSIC LIKE WHAT THE FAWK

OKAY BUT SAME ABOUT THE ADORE YOU MUSIC VIDEO DLDKDJSJSKSLSLKSKSJSHSH and yeah i have to say harry’s style (styles lol) as a solo artist isn‘t reaaally my cup of tea, and i only like the popular songs from his second album and the first album is only good when i‘m in the right mood (haven‘t actually listened to it in a while though, but kiwi is one of my all time favourites along with only angel but i hate the start, like it takes 40 seconds to actually begin properly). i like mgk and because of him i watched the dirt which is a film about motley crue, and now one of my favourite songs ever is same ol situation and i‘m into rock now lol. +++ justin bieber. I had a justin bieber cardboard cutout thingy😭 i was the biggest Belieber on earth when i was 13-16, but i didn‘t like his last album and tbh he‘s become a bit weird lately, BUT OH MY GOD. i Listened to his new album yesterday and i‘m in LOVE with the song hold on

i really like niall‘s music toooo!!!! And doja cat 😌😌😌😌 And THE VAMPS OG MY GOD. i got to see them live bc they were the opening/support act for little mix and ajdsjskslslsjsjsj. (Also i love concerts, some of the best memories of my life are concerts, i‘ve seen nicki minaj live 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and justin twice and my heart fills every time i think about how excited i was, it was my first concert ever (16th of September 2016 😌) and i was the happiest person alive seeing justin drew fucking bieber (even if i‘m not tooo sure about justin nowadays)

i have a confession? Idk what hamilton is. I mean I‘ve heard about it and i keep googling it but i‘ve never watched it (is it even a film???? or like a proper musical? also pls tell me you grew up with high school musical. i have a few friends who didn‘t and it makes me so sad 😭😭😭 hsm is the best thing to happen to my childhood , the sooooongs— i still listen to some of them every week or month lool they make me so happy)

(Okay wait i was about to recommend some stormzy songs but you said you‘re not that into rap so i won‘t dksksjl)

What you said about my fic AHSLSLSJB (i wasn‘t sure if you sent an ask about it earlier? idk that might have been someone else, so if it was (and you‘ve read it already) i hope you liked it sksjsj i was...... unsure about it. and i have this reeaaallly long peter fic that i started writing in december and that‘s the only peter thing i currently want to write but also i can‘t because idk how to continue kddjj.) but I’m definitely getting back into writing i have a few blurbs that i want to write so 🥰🥰🥰

Oh and pls as soon as you read this let me know: violet or yellow? (it‘s just a tiny thing for my new theme slsksj)

[gurenscumrag]

Summary: The backstory of Tomura Shigaraki.

Word count: 1,244. TW// Violence, gore, emotional and child abuse. Abusive language, cursing, death.

The Beauty That Is Tomura Shigaraki.

Chapter 1: Discoloration

The dust was starting to settle, a large, bulky figure standing out amongst the smokescreen. Shigaraki rolled his head slightly to both sides, watching curiously. A permanent grin etched into his dry skin, his fingernails scratching his thigh through the black fabric. Shigaraki couldn’t help the sick need to taunt his enemies. It sent pleasurable shivers up his entire body to see the way they worked themselves up over a stupid smile. Such stupid, simple people they were, taking them down was such an easy task, how could this giant bastard be any different?

Shigaraki’s tone was teasing and lighthearted but his gaze was hardened and serious, “Were you always such a hulk?”

Shigaraki tipped his head forward, eyes narrowing almost into slits and his tone dropping into a murderous one, “Tell me, Detnerat… How’re you feeling right about now? Crappy I bet. Your plan was to let the masses do the fighting while you sat back in your comfy tower,”

Shigaraki’s raspy, medium low voice rang out amongst the stillness on the battlefield, a large hand ruffled through his dirtied white locks. He was angry, but strangely giddy. He hated to be taken as nothing more than a worthless fly. To been seen as weak and unworthy was enough to set the murderous intent off in Shigaraki. But to shove it in the bastard’s face that he was more than Rikiya ever expected was delightful to say the least, “You thought we were beneath you, so you set up this city and sent your mob after us,” Shigaraki darkly chuckled, “Never, ever expecting us to get this far. Noooo.... Not scum like us! But here I am! I’ve knocked you down a peg. So, let me ask ya, how’s that feel?!”

Shigaraki dashed forward as if he was going to strike Rikiya, instead slamming his hand down onto the ground. All five fingers touching the solid concrete. The ground made a low groaning sound, piece by piece did the area around Shigaraki’s hand start to disintegrate. The once solid concrete turning to nothing more than what looked like ripped pieces of paper. Such a sturdy platform reduced to nothing more than dust in the wind.

The crumbling and dissipation of the ground began to spread in a larger circle around Shigaraki, not just stopping at his hands as it had before. The pure childish glee of seeing his destructive powers growing had the man laughing manically. It was everything he ever wanted. He wants more power, enough power to make anyone think twice about crossing him. Enough power to take down the entire world. To destroy the stupid hero world. Enough power to strike fear into everyone who even glanced in his direction.

Off on the sidelines of the battle Twice had been watching everything take place. Twice was holding his ally tightly to his side, but stopped to admire the pure beauty that his boss was bringing to the world. What normally was a war in his head at the simplest of thoughts had formed into one; one of pure awe. Twice’s jaw dropped in shock, the words tumbling out but were full of love and admiration, “Even stuff he didn’t touch is decaying?! Hang on tight, Giran! We’re getting the fuck outta here!”

While Twice and his comrade scurried to safety, the battle between two boss villains raged on. As quick as Shigaraki’s decay had advanced, Rikiya was even faster with his quirk activated. He was already in Shigaraki’s face the moment the blue-white haired man stood up. Their faces so close Shigaraki could feel the heavy breathing of Rikiya’s breath bathing his skin. Rikiya’s voice whimsical as if he already knew the battle was his to win, “I’m the type to let my rage build up. It’s why my forehead looks like this. You killed many of my warriors on your way here, right?!”

Rikiya’s power came crashing down with an unforgiving brute force, the ground around both villains opened up, crackling and crumbling under the sheer power. His power was far louder and flashier than Shigaraki’s, but Shigaraki had more power and violence behind his quirk.

Shigaraki barely dodged in time at the forceful strike. One of his attached hands getting caught in the violent assault along with half of his real hand. Shigaraki hissed at the pain coursing from his bleeding limb up into the deepest part of his brain. He cradled the damaged hand close, but his focus was on the one he had just lost. Barely listening to the words Rikiya was spouting.

“And was it this hand that committed such evil acts?!”

Rikiya grabbed the cradled hand in his massive ones, tugging Shigaraki forward, squeezing the bleeding ligament between two fingers like it was nothing more than a grape he wanted to pop. Fear coursed through Shigaraki’s body, his eyes meeting the gaze of the hulk like being.

Could this really be the end? Could he really die because he was too cocky? Had he gone through all of those experimentations, all of that suffering, all of those stupid missions for his masters for this very moment? To die a fools death? How utterly disappointing of him. His life was worth so much more than to die such a stupid way, wasn’t it?

“Let’s not judge people by their quirks. It’s a good lesson! I was raised that way too! However! There’s a clear link between personality and meta ability. You’re someone who destroys anything he touches with all five fingers. So what do you think?

You missed my earlier questions, Tomura Shigaraki!

What burdens do you bear? What do you seek to build?!

All I see is just a hollow man… You’re just a man who indulges in destruction right?!”

His monologue, his stupid words, they should have meant something. Anything to the younger man who’s very life hung in Rikiya’s grasp, but nothing matter. He didn’t care. He didn’t listen. Nothing fucking mattered. His mind was screaming at him about something more important. More important than his life. Than anyone’s life. Then any motive Shigaraki had at that time.

That was Hana’s hand...

Did he really lose her hand? How could he have been so careless?! How could he have let them take her!? What kind of man was he if he couldn’t protect her?! God! What kind of stupid, stupid, stupid! IDIOT CAN’T PROTECT HANA?!

Adrenaline, fear, and a unmistaken pleasure all passed through Shigaraki’s visage. His pupils blown out, from fear or from sorrow, nobody knew, but the calm and serious villain was no longer present. Something more sinister and pitiful stood before Rikiya. Something he had never seen before. How could one man who seemed to lack sympathy or love for anyone suddenly seem like a kicked puppy?

Inside of Shigaraki there was a war raging. One between the younger, ignorant hero and the older, traumatized villain. The two people that constantly lived inside of Shigaraki who often caused the switch between his childish mannerisms and the serious attitude.

The war between his innocence and his reality.

The buzzing of the battlefield quieted down into nothing more than a simple humming, his vision going a beautiful sparkling white until something slowly came into view. A young boy, with soft blueish locks, scabbed over skin sat quietly on a small chair, and a voice that was familiar yet not, rang out.

“These are your mother’s hands...”

Read Chapter 2 Here

Authors Notes: This is a project I’ve been talking about to my friends for a little awhile now. I’m so immensely excited to keep working on this! You may notice that I have included direct quotes and direct scenes from the manga, and that’s what made this fanfic super special to me! It’s a mixture of the manga and my own writing to deep dive into Shigaraki and his character. I hope you enjoy and come with me on this journey :D All the titles are going to be song names! Today’s title is Discoloration by Dawn Golden

[yanderedanganronpafun]

Can you please do a Yandere Pre Game Shuichi x in game Kaede? Shuichi never got his audition, so Kaede remained the protagonist. He stopped liking DR, but he finds himself more interested in Kaede and only watched it for her. After finding out she and the other survivors escaped. He ran into her by chance as she hides from DR. He nabbed the girl and kept her tied up in his place. He thought if he could get her pregnant she won’t leave him.

Hiya!! Omg so this is like the first ask that I've ever answered on this blog omg. But I really wanna actually start writing something and I loved this prompt, going right into that beautiful dark messed up alley that I love!

But here are a few warnings before you decide to read: Super duper messed up and delusional Shuichi, kidnapping, light sadism, mentions of non-con and also possible forced impregnation.

If you're okay with this then please enjoy but if not then please don't read as I don't want to trigger or hurt anyone with my writings!

Shuichi had always loved Danganronpa. It was his escape from his sad excuse of an existence. His parents were never around in his life, always being too busy with getting drunk as all hell or just getting fucking high. He had to be independent from a very young age.

At school it wasn't exactly easier. He wasn't stupid and got good grades for what it was worth. Really he was one of the smartest students in his entire class.

Wouldn't this have meant that he had a lot of friends if he was such a good student?

Hahaaa, no.

He had absolutely no friends. Everybody were too creeped out by him. Nobody even bullied him because of the sounds of pleasure he made and how his face went red as well, just to add things up.

Plus his utter obsession with Danganronpa probably didn't help either. He basically breathed danganronpa at this point. It meant everything for him but even if anybody else liked danganronpa then they were never willing to talk to him about it because of his complete obsession over it and how his body started to tremble from joy and it almost seemed like he got turned on when he talked about deaths, executions and characters. It was just way too much for anybody to take.

So because of that he had nobody to talk too and he had accepted it. It hurt, yes, but he had accepted it that he was bound to be alone.

When Danganronpa had auditions for the new season then he had excitedly went there in hopes of becoming one of the new characters. God it was his life long dream. There were other people as well. He didn't pay them much attention but his eyes did move towards one girl with long, flowing blonde hair and violet eyes.

But after he saw her it was his turn to go and enter the auditioning room and no matter how hard he tried then eventually he was declined of a spot and was truly left devastated.

Shuichi felt so angry, so fucking angry and just done with everything. He had dedicated his entire life to this game and he didn't even get a spot that would have truly made his entire life? Well fuck that. Just fuck everything!

That was his slow declining of his obsession with danganronpa, nonetheless he still watched the new season and the only true good thing about the entire game was Kaede. Oh she was like a literal angel. Kaede Akamatsu, Ultimate Pianist, was her talent. She was so beautiful, so kind and sweet but yet so headstrong. Such beauty and grace in one person shouldn't be real but it was and he was the one witnessing it.

While his obsession with Danganronpa had disappeared then it was completely replaced with Kaede. He dreamed of Kaede, both during night and daydreamed about her in the day. He was in love with her. She was the perfect girl and she was supposed to be all his. Yes, she didn't know it yet but one day they would be together forever and ever. Nobody could ever tear them apart from one another. Such a beautiful thing to dream about.

However he grew deathly jealous of those who talked to her in game. Who did those fucking assholes think they were touching his angel?! She belonged to him and only him! Nobody else could ever appreciate her the way that he did. Imagining stabbing them to death always brought a smile to his lips. He would kill for her. He would hurt himself for her and truly give his life if that's what she wanted! His life meant nothing without her in it!

He had been thinking for so long how he could obtain that beautiful girl for himself. It felt impossible.

But then...

Fucking finally god decided to give him a break from all of his suffering and give him a present.

The male had already obviously learned of his beloved and other 'survivors' managing to escape from Danganronpa which had never happened before so Team danganronpa was after them. But what he hadn't expected was to be face to face with his beloved.

She had bumped into him and that sent her stumbling onto him as they fell to the ground. So cliche but he had no time think about that when his angel was here. This was a pretty secluded place where he was at and he always went here for walks. His poor darling looked like she really had gone through a lot.

"You're Kaede!" He said and smiled, hiding the true obsession he felt for her behind someone that just happened to know her which at this point everybody did because there was quite the money for anybody who brought at least one of the contestants to team danganronpa. But he didn't need money when he had her.

She had paled and the poor girl had bags under her eyes. "P-Please don't give me up! God please I don't want to go back!" She had begged him and he had to fight absolutely every fiber inside of him to not suffocate her with his hugs and kisses. He had instead smiled at her in a comforting manner and placed his arm on her shoulder.

"Hey it's okay. My name is Shuichi. I'll help you. I have a place where you can hide out." Of course she looked a little suspicious of a boy she had literally just met and who also offered her a place to stay. But she also looked so desperate and it looked like she had truly been on the run forever. So she was sleepless and her mind wasn't probably completely at the right place. "O-Okay. Just please help me."

A bright smile came to his lips when he grabbed her arm and pulled her along quickly with the hidden roads. Of course he was careful and they made it to his home safely. He had let her sit down and brought her a glass of water that had been drugged. His beautiful blonde had so gladly accepted it and drank it all in just two gulps.

In no time at all the drugs kicked in and she fell off the chair and onto the floor. He squealed in utter glee and picked her up in his arms, kissing her forehead. "Baby! We'll finally be together forever and ever! God I'm so happy!" He giggled and brought her to the basement, a soundproof basement.

Shuichi had already prepared everything for her. Even if he was never sure before if he could bring her here then it was always better to be safe then sorry and he had been completely right.

There was a fairly comfy mattress in the corner and also chains. He chained her up from her ankle, deciding to not chain up the rest of her body.

Well at least not yet.

When his beloved had woke up then she had been so happy that she cried and even screamed of joy! Even the few mean words that she had said had made him so happy.

The two of them had become one the same night he brought her to her home, where she belonged. He had waited way too fucking long and now that she was finally here in his arms he wasn't gonna waste any more time.

His beloved continued to cry those tears of joy with every thrust he had made into her. He melted from her warmth and he had left marks all over her body.

"P-Please stop! No! Stop it please!"

She had said those words but his lover was just confused from the pure joy of them finally becoming one. He had cuddled her weeping form close when he had finished and they fell asleep together.

Time passed and she had warmed up to him a lot more by now. Even if she did try to escape and almost managed to when he had removed the chain from her leg after she promised that she wouldn't run away from him. That she loved him. He had happily trusted her but she had broken it and tried to run away.

Well let's just say when he caught her he wasn't happy at all and the girl suffered a lot that night, so many cuts were left on her body and he had mindlessly used her body for his desires with blind rage. She was his and she would never ever leave him.

Shuichi was also doing this because he wanted them to become a family. He wanted her to be pregnant because with a child they would be even more happy together, forever.

It was another time of him having to force her to take a pregnancy test and everytime they had come back negative, leaving him devastated.

But this time...

Oh my god, it had actually happened.

Tears of joy ran down his cheeks as he showed her the positive pregnancy test. He giggled and hugged her close.

"We are gonna be a family baby! I love you so much honey!" His beloved cried from joy in his arms as she trembled heavily.

He was so glad that they were both so overjoyed!

Finally everything was completely perfect in his life and he couldn't be happier. Him and his beloved girlfriend would be together forever and raise a child. His dreams were finally true and Kaede's as well.

Why else would she keep crying so much from joy?

He kissed her forehead and cuddled, continuing to talk of their future.

Everything was finally perfect.