#my wife's a bitch etc
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brat behavior
#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#my wife is a bitch and i love her so much etc etc#i didnt see this posted by someone who is better at making gifs than me but i need to preserve it#macgifs
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i hate when people try to take away the fact that eddie’s a petty bitch sometimes. yes he IS and i love that about him
#‘eddie’s not gonna be jealous or petty that’s his best friend’ WELL?#al talks#my wife is a bitch and i like her so much etc etc
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the bitch staredown™
leon draisaitl | EDM v. VGK | 01/14/2023
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Valerius focuses himself on her face once more and draws himself up to his full height. “I would apologise for waking you,” he says, carefully keeping his voice as level as possible, “but you are going to need to come with me.”
Camellia raises an eyebrow. “Is this part, Valerius, where you have had a change of heart and decided it would be more productive to chain me up instead?” The deflection catches his tongue and he stands there for a second, searching for a way to respond that does not cross the boundary she had established last night. As he struggles to reply, blinking twice in rapid succession, she lets out a small derisive laugh, “no. I daresay that would be against those notions of chivalric virtue you still hold.”
oh I forgot how I love writing her.
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sooo when are we gonna talk abt the way that fatphobia has srsly fucked up yalls perception of fatness to the point that a lot of yall r calling urselves fat when u really are just not skin and bones bc..... yikes.
#personal#ive seen one too many skinny person calling themselves fat/chunky/overweight/etc#and idk ur weight - i dont want to know ur weight#but also im seeing ppl like smaller than my wife (who is not fat) call themselves fat#and its getting more and more prevalent that im seeing ppl who are objectively thin/average calling themselves fat#and then some of these ppl have the nerve to speak on fatness or say i < 3 fat bitches or whatever but they mean avg size ppl#like idk im not gonna define fatness as One Body Type#and maybe im wrong here and just have a diff definition of fat#but im seeing a lot of ppl with literally flat stomachs or like soft bodies with the smallest amt of body fat calling themselves fat#and then yall will be like oh i love fat bitches and its like someone who has wide ribs and isn't skin and bones#a lot of yall say fat to mean anyone who's bones dont protrude from their skin#and i think I'd be less annoyed abt this if it wasnt for the fact actually fat people get ragged on for existing#and yall wanna pretend u have the same experience bc someone compared you to someone like me once#idk#im just bitchy abt this today esp cause ik so many of yallre gonna ignore this
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6 weeks and I'm out of this bedlam 6 weeks and I'm out of this bedlam 6 weeks and I'm out of this bedlam 6 weeks and I'm out of this bedlam-
#*to herself* it's okay i can do this#to flee a house where parents made all three of their talented kind children feel anxious worthless and not enough and made us all go to#therapy#a house where my dad lives with two women one of whom is a married wife he cannot love and the other is a 'family friend' who doesn't have#ANY CONNECTION WITH MY FAMILY#she's also a bitch to my mom me etc#but hey#they all go to the church so it's okay i suppose#6 weeks. i can do this#of mice and me#might delete later#my abusive father#my abusive mother
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I'm sending hate asks for enrichment purposes. as a treat <3
I might not be any good at it because I couldn't find many articles on how to be mean so I'll try my best!!
I also feel like being mean and I feel that you like to be mean back to people
LMFAOOO YES also the way you phrased this is so funny like you're giving me Matsuda vibes... L's like bro you need to toughen up you're a cop and Matsuda's like "I couldn't find many articles on how to be mean 🥺" <- even as he's saying this in my imagination he is so so so kickable
I love being silly and bitchy hehe it's a hobby of mine <3 I try to be mean only to people that really deserve it though LOL I'm so excited for these 💖
#the last time i was mean on purpose to somebody that didnt totally deserve it was when a new girl started working w my wife and I#several years ago atp but she was telling everybody she had a crush on my wife etc#so i. well i did try to destroy her life and get her fired. KINDA.#and i was downright MEANNN to her like LMFAO i will cut your face bitch.
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"fandom writes this character in an OOC, dehumanizing and fetishizing way bc they make him to he some kind of deranged savage" honey he's a non-human (alien) character who's killed hundreds of people through his lifetime and gets off on violence. Canon already made him a deranged savage. Get over it.
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happy 264th les
Best wishes for your 264th birthday, Monsieur de Lioncourt
#my wife is a bitch and i like her so much etc#interview with the vampire#iwtv#rockstat#monsieur le rockstar#lestat de lioncourt#the vampire lestat#sam reid#loustat#lesmand
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i agree with everything you said about max and rbr under the last ask, i’m a fan of max sometimes, but it makes me roll my eyes when i see posts about how he deserves sm better than his team and that he’s the only one putting in the hard work 🥺🥺🥺. like why are you acting like he hasn’t had the best car on the grid for like 2 years until now, with the same team and strategists that helped produce all his wins.
Thank you for supporting my #team rights agenda! I feel strongly like that about any narratives about drivers carrying the team especially when it's a team that can compete for podiums. It's just not how F1 works. If you have a team where A DRIVER can make that much of a difference, it would simply not be the kind of team that makes it out of Q1. Now if we stuck both Lewis and Max in the Saubers, maybe they'll finally score points there, and it would also be really fucking funny. But that's Sauber
#it is actually good to hear that you're a MV fan and agree lol#he's like my cancelled ex wife (several divorces and reconciliations happened) so I'm always wondering if I'm being too harsh on him#I don't wanna spoil the vibes etc#but I'm simply never gonna clap when a multimillionaire says Oh I could do the strategy myself#it's not cunty it's disrespectful shut up and drive#they're all adults and I'm reasonably sure it was smoothed over behind the scenes but I'm not gonna clap for it#or believe Helmut Marko of all people when he said nobody listened to Max for months :/#bitch if u had that kind of work environment you would not be the team you are now BE SERIOUS#anyway I am an equal opportunity factory stan. this goes for all teams!! I SURVIVED the triple header ferrari discourse and it was a lot#*blows a kiss to the sexy car* for the upper middle class engineers who can only afford two homes and pay taxes and travel economy#elle asks
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sorry i haven’t been online i’ve been hyperfixating on bolstering my dynasty in ck3
#on my fourth high king of ireland!! had a rough start since the vassals were all like you need a regent ☝️🤓 since your family has been rulin#g for so long#and i was like ugh fine for like a year and then i deposed my regent after she made me the scapegoat of making the crown a higher authority#(which she wanted me to do but i did it since i revealed that she was the one who forced 😋 my hand)#and then i had to wrangle the faction that came about after we lifted the crown authority and i tried to murder the earl who started it but#then i tinkered with my perks and did a feast with him as the honorary guest and made me him love me 😁#and then all was right#but now i have to figure out my succession since my wife decided to only birth sons (we have like five)#tried to get my second eldest to take his vows (become apart of the clergy) but he was like lol no i’m too ambitious for that pops#actually my third eldest since my second eldest did take his vows but now he’s my archbishop!!! so i’m like you still have lots of power if#u want dude!!! but now i’m going to have my two youngest take their vows (hopefully) but if not my heir might have to do some fratricide or#the like 😞#i at first wanted to set out on forming the empire of brittania but we’ve gotten super rich and famous just as the kingdom of ireland#also every monarch of england is super vulnerable (i would know considering i’ve killed six of them in murder schemes including one who was#my lover 🙄 sorry sybilla i just thought you were not cool for flipping me off after i won our game of chess just like super uncool you know#but if anything happens i will set my sites on the kingdom of alba since the king i was friends with just died but alba is almost as chaotic#as england like i married off one of my daughters to the king but then he got deposed in a liberation war (which he asked me to join him in#i did but i didn’t do anything to help since i hate raising my military since it takes such a big toll on my economy)#and i bought my daughter and her husband back to my court in ireland and the new king of england started bitching at me because he knew i#had him in my court and i was like well damn that sucks for you but im not letting this dude go if i know i have this boon on you 😁#(boon being his claim to the kingdom of england and all those duchies etc)#anyway i love political intrigue and making money it’s fun#dianna.moon
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dare i say. hildegarde getting jealous easier than emet is a bit of a moe factor
#ffposting#hildemet#someone tries to flirt with emet & hes like (chuckle) i hope nothing horrible befalls them#hes still not so good on the self esteem front but that wont prevent him from going No hes my lover. look away.#like hes not gonna go the auhgh someone else would deserve him more than iii route. that is his man/wife/babygirl/etc...#& well. emet finds it cute. probably intentionally tries to get ppl to look his way bc ofc he loves the ego boost of hilde being possessive#not that he says it so easily. its more like. him looking tense in a situation. emet knowingly going 'what's wrong dear'#& goading him until he bitterly mumbles smth abt not liking it when ppl get too bold with him. arms crossed. back hunched over#i love it when hildes a bit of a bitch Yay!!! the also bpd haver bc i project & im him & hes meeee#for emet its all affirmations that hes loved. & he is probably struggling w the idea of deserving that love from hilde specifically#theyre feedback looping each other really... enabling each other. truly the 'dont get anyone involved in this' post
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my roku is still signed into parents netflix which obviously means im rewatching blue eye
#your 17th century tboy swag has bewitched me#i stay bewitched#the animation hs grown on me sooo much mostly bc of mizus cunty little reaction shots#my wife is a bitch and i love him so much etc
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JJK men waking up horny at night
MDNI : 18+, smut, somnophilia, masturbation, p in v, degradation and much more
Contains : Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Toji Fushigiro, Choso Kamo, Ryomen Sukuna (I was throwing up while writing his bitch ass 😾 I still love you Sukuna 😔)
small note : remember! Consent is everything, so let’s say the reader and character made an agreement on not minding if they would wake up to head etc. Not proof read
Gojo Satoru
He often got wet dreams, either waking up to morning wood or- waking up in the middle of the night.
And that’s what happened this time, it’s 3 am and Satoru let out a groan as his eyes opened, his whole face was red, it was so goddamn hot in here. He looked over at your peaceful face, wrapped his hands around you and pulled you closer.
He breathed in your smell, leaving kisses all around your neck and shoulders, slightly grinding his hard cock against your ass.
“Fuck… not letting me rest in my sleep either.” A quiet whine left his mouth, one hand going under his shirt that you were wearing, while the other one pulled your panties to the side, you usually only slept in his shirt and your panties, so he had easy access to your body.
“Baby… I need you…” two of his fingers entered you, he started moving them slowly and scissoring them, you let out a soft moan and clenched your thighs together- but still asleep.
He sped up his pace, taking his own cock into his hand and started stroking it. You let out a louder moan, feeling something tighten inside your stomach.
Suddenly your eyes shot open as your hand instantly went to grab his wrist. “T-Toru!” You cried as he added a third finger.
“M’sorry baby… I was so horny…” he was also close, groaning as he was stroking his cock faster.
“C-Can I put it in? Please please I need to feel you…” You nodded, not able to say anything, the only sounds leaving your mouth being moans of his name.
His fingers left your hole, you whined at the lost sensation but it was immediately replaced with his cock, you gasped at the feeling of being so full. He had your back against his chest. His arms were wrapped around your thighs, holding them up so it was easier for him to slide in.
His thrusts were slow and deep, hitting your cervix every time.
“Toru!! Ah- c-close!” You moaned, your nails were digging into his shoulder as he fastened his pace.
“S-shit… me too baby, me too.” One of his hands left your thigh, letting it lay on the bed, it instead went to your clit.
Your eyes rolled back and your back arched as you came, he wasn’t far behind, a few more strokes and he buried himself deep inside and shot his loads of cum.
As he pulled out you both were a panting mess. He moved your panties back, his hands wrapping around your waist and head hid in your shoulder.
“I’ll clean you up in the morning…”
Nanami Kento
It was rare for him to get wet dreams, it basically never happened, until this night.
He was rock hard and itching to touch you but he didn’t want to wake you up. You came back from work really late and exhausted, it was a hard day for you.
He could just jerk off, but he wanted you so bad. He got onto his knees, making you lay on your back as he pushed your legs apart, slowly pulling your panties off, making sure you won’t wake up.
He grabbed his cock in his hand and started stroking it, imagining it was your hand right now. You were so cute asleep, his beautiful wife.
You probably would tease him for days if you found out what he was doing, he just wanted to quickly get off to your body and go back to sleep.
He leaned down, kissing all over your exposed cleavage and neck, leaving small marks with every kiss, you’ll probably wake up and wonder where’d they come from.
He’ll explain himself tomorrow, right now it wasn’t important. What was is that he’s closer and closer, he started moving his hand faster, shooting out ropes all over your stomach that was exposed due to your shirt being ridden up, following with a muffled moan.
When he calmed down, he grabbed a tissue from the shelf and cleaned the cum off you. Putting your panties back down and laying down next to you, cuddling you.
Toji Fushigiro
He dreamt of you pregnant all over again, your round belly, filled with his child. He knows he has a breeding kink, so it’s obvious that he has gotten hard just from thinking about it.
Megumi wouldn’t mind a little brother, or maybe sister. Fuck, he wanted to get you pregnant again. He knows you’re on that shitty pill- he needs to flush them down the fucking toilet.
But right now all he needed was you. He grabbed your sleeping face and slammed his lips on yours, making you gasp, which allowed his tongue to enter.
“Mhmm- too-ji?” You muffled out barely awake, confused why in the middle of the night your man started furiously attacking your mouth.
“Fuck- feel what you did to me doll, got me all hard even in my sleep, yeah?” You let out another gasp, feeling his hard erection press against your clothed pussy.
Not letting you say anything he ripped your panties and immediately positioned his cock against your entrance.
“T-Toji! What if we wake up Megumi-”
“Then you have to quiet down all these pretty sounds, hm?” And just like that he slammed his dick inside of you. You quickly bit down on your hand, muffling your loud cry.
Not letting you adjust, he continued slamming in and out of you at a quick pace. Tears filled your eyes from the pleasure, trying the best to muffle your loud moans. Your other hand scratched at his back.
He grabbed the hand that was covering your mouth and replaced it with his lips, you could’ve sworn you felt his tongue in your throat, it was a messy kiss- tongues and teeth clashing together. Then he moved down to your neck, leaving marks all over it.
“A-Ah! S-Slo’down- T’muchhh!” Instead of actually slowing down, he only went faster if that was even possible at this point.
“I know you can take it, doll. You always do.” With every thrust you were closer, it was also hard to be quiet with this beast of a man slamming into you at an inhuman pace.
“Toji- close so close!”
“Come on, cum f’me” Your head threw back, not able to contain the loud cry that left your mouth, his pussy clamped down so hard on his cock that he came short after you, letting out a load groan as he filled you up.
“One more round?”
“Toji- wait, AH-”
Choso Kamo
You’re his first ever partner, he’s still not used to all those relationships things. So just imagine his confusion when he woke up at 2 am, his dick rock hard and his body hot.
He looked over to you, sleeping so beautifully, you were asleep and didn’t even do anything- what happened??
He couldn’t go back to sleep, he was too horny. You won’t be mad if he wakes you up, right?
He carefully shook you, calling out your name. After a minute you opened your eyes, mumbling out some incorrect words. When you saw it was Choso who was sitting up, looking all worried you immediately raised yourself up on your hands.
“Love…? What’s wrong?” You asked, his face got red immediately, embarrassed to say what happened.
“I- woke up and my dick was hard, I didn’t know what happened so I woke you up.” You stared at him and let out a soft laugh, sitting up next to him.
“Oh baby, you probably just had a wet dream.” He looked at you confused, still not understanding what that meant.
“A wet dream is when you dream about something sexual.” He let out a quiet ohh, you shook your head smiling.
“Want me to help?” He didn’t move for a while before slowly shaking his head, still embarrassed that he had to wake you up for that. You took his dick in your hands, slowly moving them up and down before lowering your head and leaving kisses all over his cock.
His hand buried itself in your hair as he let out a quiet moan, begging you to not tease him. You complied to his request, taking as much of him as you can in your mouth.
He slightly thrust his hips forward, making the head of his cock hit the back of your throat. “M-m’sorry… had too-“ he whined as your plump lips dragged on his dick, your mouth so warm. The rest that you couldn’t fit in was wrapped around your hand, not being forgotten.
The way you looked up at him, the way that your mouth moved- he was getting closer and you knew it, your movement got faster and he gripped your hair tightly, letting out a moan as he came inside your mouth.
You swallowed it all, giving his head a last kiss before raising yourself up and wiping the corners of your lips with your hand. “You did so good love” he blushed at the praise,
“I’ll repay you tomorrow, okay?”
“Choso, you know you don’t have to-”
“But I want to.”
Ryomen Sukuna
He will not wake you up and admit that he got hard because of a stupid dream, there’s absolutely no way. He won’t ‘jerk off’ either, that would be just low of him.
So he will indeed wake you up but by his cock inside of you. He immediately got to work, ripping your panties off and throwing them somewhere in the room, getting in between your legs as he picked them up and held them against your chest.
He spit down on your pussy, the cold sensation making you shiver in your sleep. He grabbed one of his cocks and positioned it against your entrance, he would use both but getting you prepared for the other one would take too long.
And with a quick thrust he was deep inside of you, filling you up. The sudden intruder immediately woke you up, letting out pleasurable but also painful scream.
“Ngh—! wha-?!” Your eyes darted around the room before laying on the huge frame of Sukuna, who was glaring at you.
“Quiet, brat. This is your fault so now take it.” Your back arched off the mattress as he suddenly started moving, still half asleep not knowing what’s happening.
“Ryo-! Wait! Let me-” before you could finish your sentence a loud moan left your mouth, he did not plan on giving you any mercy with how fast he was ramming inside you.
You yelped as he slapped your ass harshly, “That’s for waking me up, brat.” You wanted to reply to him but you couldn’t form the words, even if you did you knew that would just result in another slap.
He didn’t even bother at pulling out as he picked you up and flipped you onto your stomach like a ragdoll. Continuing with his harsh slams, you felt every vein, with how big he was he was hitting every spot inside your pussy.
His hand grabbed your head and pushed you further into the pillow, making you arch more. He was slamming into you so hard it felt like he was rearranging your guts. The knot in your stomach tightened as you clenched around him.
“Cum, slut.” With his words your hands gripped onto the pillows and with almost a scream-like moan you came so hard you saw stars, but even with your tight pussy clamping around him so hard his thrusts didn’t slow down.
He once again grabbed your body, now picking it up and making you sit on his lap, your back against his chest as he bounced you up and down. You were so fucked out, tears streaming down your cheeks, your tongue out as spit leaked from the corners of your mouth.
“Look at you, so greedy for my cock.” He smirked, pinching your nipple.
“Ryooo— I can’t-” he slapped your ass once again, making you let out a cry, feeling another orgasm coming soon.
“Close already?” He scoffed “Pathetic” you squirmed as his hand went to your clit. One hand on your throat, second on your boobs, third wrapped around your waist making you bounce and fourth on your clit.
“Haa- n-nono-“ you cried as the next orgasm hit you, squirting all around his cock and hand. Leaving you a panting and overstimulated mess.
“What a messy pussy…” he groaned as he slammed you down, cock buried so deep there was a bulge on your stomach as he filled you with his load.
You were sure you would fall down on the bed if he wasn’t holding you up. He pulled his cock out just to fill you again with his second one.
“Did you think we were done, brat?”
#gojo satoru#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojou satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk gojo#jjk smut#sukuna x reader#choso kamo#choso x reader#choso smut#gojo smut#sukuna x you#sukuna smut#choso x you#nanami x you#nanami kento#nanami x reader#nanami smut#ryomen sukuna x reader#toji fushiguro#toji x reader#toji smut#jjk x you
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Beyond Probability JJK (m.)
summary: Matching with an idol? Unlikely. But with a 99% compatibility? Beyond probability. pairing: idol!Jungkook x f!reader genre: idolvers, S2L, fluff, smut rating: 18+, MDNI! warnings: fluff, fluff, a bit of self doubt, fluff, fluff, explicit sexual content, shower sex, unprotected sex, pls lmk if I forgot smth word count: ~ 4k
a/n: It’s a rly cute and short oneshot, light and mainly fluff, nothing too deep, no big words etc this time. Just had to get it out of my system since the idea’s been on my mind for months now (unedited bc I fell ill halfway through writing it 🤒)
a/n 2: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕
Your biological clock’s ticking—has been for some years now—and even though you’re only now nearing 30, you’re painfully aware that the life you pictured as a kid might never come true.
It’s not like you’re unstable in who you are or what you’re doing. You’re fairly successful at your job, you’ve got your own place, and you’re more social than most people these days. Still, you’re only what most would call average-looking, and even though you’ve got a good career, you’re too soft to keep it up forever. You picture yourself more as a loving wife and mother than a corporate boss bitch climbing the ladder of success.
That’s also why your dating life has been rocky all along. Men see what you put out there, but they don’t like who you really are or what you want from life, which has left you single for most of it.
So, when a new project starts—after the K-pop industry finally acknowledges that idols need partnerships and a life of their own, and fans finally understand that these people are human too, that they deserve to experience love and happiness like everyone else—you decide to take your chances too.
Funnily enough, all the labels have teamed up, hiring not only the best scientists and psychologists from Korea but from around the world to create a program that can find ideal matches for their idols. Sure, science shouldn’t determine who you fall in love with, but… what if it could?
After being pre-selected—just to confirm you’re not some crazed fan—you’ve spent over two weeks going through tests. Recorded interviews, personality assessments, even physical evaluations… now you’re staring at your company’s computer screen, listening to Dr. Song explain the results through the phone.
“Ninety-nine percent?”
“Yes. The chances of such a high compatibility score are next to impossible. We see it as a perfect match and would like to introduce you to your match.”
“Sure, of course.” Even though your voice is steady, you can feel your nerves flaring up like never before.
“Is tomorrow at 8 p.m. alright for you?”
“Yes, that works for me.”
“Perfect, we’ll see you then.”
Well, joke’s on you, you didn’t expect this outcome.
Meeting an idol feels surreal, and the closer you get to 8 p.m. the next day, the more you can feel the anxiety and doubts inside you rising. Every last detail in Dr. Song’s calm, clinical rundown replays in your mind, the ninety-nine percent match, the endless rounds of testing, the surreal realisation that, somehow, all those numbers and algorithms miraculously spat out a name next to yours.
You want to trust that there’s a reason for this, that somehow science isn’t just working with chance, but the tension of actually meeting someone this special is so overwhelming you barely notice yourself entering the lab building until you’re standing outside Dr. Song’s office.
“Right on time,” she chirps, giving you an approving nod. She seems to sense your nerves, and as she leads you down a hallway you’ve never been before, she gives you a reassuring smile. “I know this is all a lot. But he’s likely feeling the same way. The tests told us that he’s, well, quite like you.”
Her words would make you laugh in any other situation, though disbelief and a strange kind of comfort floods through you still. Like you. An idol, standing here in a lab somewhere to meet some random stranger, feeling just as out of place as you. You’re not sure of that but still like to think it must be true.
You don’t have time to process it fully before you’re led into a quiet room with yellowish walls so plain they almost blur in the corners of your vision, a low, comfortable couch and a couple of chairs standing there and none of the lab equipment that surrounded you in the testing rooms all those weeks ago.
And then you spot him, sitting on the couch, alone. He stands the second you walk in, hands half in his pockets, a slight, almost unsure smile grazing his lips as he glances down at you. He’s got that casual look about him, the same dark eyes you’ve seen a hundred times on a screen that somehow feel warmer and more human here.
He looks not quite better than he does on screen, but not worse either. Somehow, he’s realer, if that’s a word—close enough that you can see the little flecks of colour in his irises, the slight tension in his posture, the faintest trace of nerves hiding under his composure.
“Hi.” Jungkook’s voice is lower, softer than you expect from an idol. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jungkook.”
“Nice to meet you too. I’m ___.” There’s a pause, and you can tell he’s just as unsure what to do with the space between you two as you are. The click of the door makes you turn around briefly, only to realise Dr. Song has left you both alone. “This is, um, weird, right?”
He nods, a quick, breathy laugh breaking through. “Very. I mean, this isn’t exactly a ‘normal’ kind of meeting, right?”
His words are awkward but disarming, and suddenly, you’re aware of all the tiny, meticulous details of him that somehow make him feel more relatable than his polished, on-screen persona. The way his hand keeps moving to rub against his thigh or abs, his tongue playing with his lips and piercing ever so slightly—everything about him is familiar but also somehow close enough to feel completely new.
“I don’t think I was ready for this,” you admit. You aren’t really talking to him but more like letting your own thoughts slip out in the safest way possible, like saying it makes it feel less absurd.
“Honestly, same.” He laughs, and you think there’s a light flutter in your chest now. “I kept thinking about this whole ninety-nine percent thing. Like… how does that even work? Isn’t it supposed to feel, I don’t know, obvious? Like you know the moment you see someone?”
You nod, understanding exactly what he means, and somehow you move on autopilot, walking towards him and sitting down on that couch with him beside you. It feels like you should both somehow know, like there’s a sign or an instant connection, something that would make all of this feel simple, easy. But it’s just the two of you in a quiet room, barely knowing each other, held together by nothing but a number on a report.
“Yeah, that’s so wild. I didn’t think I’d have a match, this close to a hundred even less. Might be a glitch if our score is this high.”
Jungkook nods with sparkling eyes, seemingly relieved by your honesty and humour. “Yeah, I get that. I kept thinking about it too. Wondering if maybe the tests were wrong, or maybe I was just…thinking too much.” He lets out a sigh, his gaze meeting yours for a long, meaningful second. “But I think maybe this is about finding out, right? Not having it all make sense right away.”
“Hm, makes sense.” You giggle, because what else can you do in the presence of him.
The two of you sit there in a momentary silence, as if testing each other, feeling out the small boundaries that keep you both distant.
“So, what did the report tell you about me?” You ask the question half-jokingly, trying to break the quiet, but also curious. You want to know what he knows, how much of this supposed ninety-nine percent compatibility is actually something that either of you feel.
He lets out a silent breath, looking down as if slightly embarrassed. “Honestly, not as much as you’d think. They told me you were kind of… soft-spoken but resilient? And that you have a job that’s, uh, stable and…” He trails off, the tips of his ears slightly pink, like he’s embarrassed to keep going.
“And?” You can’t help but push further—not maliciously, just way too curious and playful for your own good. Jungkook’s expression shifts from embarrassed to surprised, and then to a look that’s just as playful.
“And that we’re, apparently, very much sexually compatible.”
Really, you should be the one feeling embarrassed or shy now, but you can’t help the laugh that slips out. You know exactly what he’s hinting at—your report clearly showed the same.
“Well, it might be not wrong. And they told me…” You pause, realising that you barely remember the details in the face of the reality in front of you but alas. “They said you’d be a good match because, I think, there was something about humour?”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “Humour? Never heard of it.” And it makes you laugh all over again. “I feel like they just told us things we’d want to hear, to make it seem easier and normal.”
His words hit close to home, but they’re strangely comforting in the way he says them. You reckon, he’s just as bewildered by this as you are, maybe even more so. And somehow, in the middle of all the awkwardness, you find yourself genuinely smiling at him, naturally gravitating towards him, finding that there’s a softness and reassurance in his gaze, a gentleness that cuts through your nerves like a knife through melted butter in the sun.
You start talking more freely after that, exchanging stories that are too mundane to make sense in any real context but feel right here. You tell him about your last trip to the beach, how you got sunburned and spent the whole evening sitting on your balcony, nursing it with iced water and aloe, wishing for a helping hand that you didn’t have. He laughs, nodding along as if he can picture it exactly and tells you about how he tried to make pasta he ate in Italy for the first time a few months back and ended up burning the whole batch, because no one was by his side, so badly his kitchen smelled like smoke for days.
The more you talk, the more you notice the little things about him that aren’t so polished, aren’t so perfect, and make him feel more human and real than anyone you ever met. He has a way of listening, eyes intent on yours, like he’s trying to pick apart every word to understand it better. When he laughs, it’s with his whole face, even body, not the careful, composed look of an idol but a natural, carefree laugh that makes you feel like maybe he’s as relieved as you are to be here, to have someone he doesn’t have to impress.
At some point, you both lapse into a comfortable silence, each lost in your own thoughts but somehow still connected. The tension from earlier has faded away, replaced by a soothing aura you know you don’t want to miss for a day in your life.
Eventually, Jungkook glances over at you, his eyes sucking you in without much resistance. “I kept thinking this would feel forced, you know? Like we’d be sitting here, struggling to find anything in common.” He leans back, drapes his arm around the back of where you’re sitting, glancing up at the ceiling as if searching for the right words. “But… it doesn’t feel that way. You feel… I don’t know, right?”
The slight flutter in your chest has now swelled into a full-blown hurricane, and you’re not sure if it’s that ninety-nine percent compatibility causing it. But you don’t let yourself think too much—not when you’ve both been inching closer with each word, not when you take a chance and lean in, resting your head against his side. Especially not when his arm settles directly over your shoulder, pulling you a little closer, his other hand finding yours, fingers intertwining just to see how it feels.
“Yeah, it feels right. I really like this.”
As you absently play with his fingers, breathing in his scent for the first time and deciding it’s like heaven, you let yourself trust science. Because this feels like exactly where you’re meant to be.
While the first meeting with Jungkook went better than you’d ever hoped, you’re painfully aware of your overthinking nature. Overthinking in a way that makes it painfully clear there are countless women out there who, on the surface, would seem a better visual match for him than you.
Overthinking to the point where you wonder why Jungkook would even need matchmaking when he could so easily choose a partner on his own. It’s also why staying focused at work isn’t exactly easy today, knowing that soon his label will be sending a car to pick you up for your next meeting with him.
You understand the precautions they’ve taken and completely agree it’s better to meet in a private, safe space rather than making headlines this early on. That’s why, as the tinted car arrives, you feel a bit more at ease than you have all day.
Soon enough, you’re driving down the path to the label’s underground garage, and while you fix your makeup real quick, the car comes to a stop. The driver nods and guides you towards the lift, where the lights are dim and everything has this quiet, professional atmosphere you’ve only seen on screen.
You try to take it all in, letting your thoughts settle just a bit more as you follow through to the hallways upstairs, past doors labelled with room numbers and studios, and then finally, you’re outside the door to Jungkook’s studio, right where you’re supposed to meet.
Your heart beats a little faster as you hear Jungkook’s familiar voice call out, “Come in,” and when you open the door, you find him leaning casually against the chair before his equipment with an easy smile that somehow manages to be both happy and slightly flirty.
Again, Jungkook’s dressed just like uniquely him, with a few silver rings glinting on his fingers. And while you didn’t think he’d even get up to greet you, he steps forward and embraces you in hug so tight, it leaves you drowning in him.
“Hey,” he greets with that disarming grin, eyes boring into you, taking in your formal work attire, as he gestures to the coffee set up besides his laptop. “Hope you don’t mind the casual vibe.”
You laugh a little, settling onto the free chair beside him, feeling a bit strange but somehow not. “I think it’s perfect. And to be honest, I don’t think I’d cope well with the whole five-star dining treatment and whatnot.”
He laughs, nodding in agreement, taking your purse from your hands and draping it casually over the back of his chair. The fact that he’s still so attentive, even though he’s clearly in his element here but completely relaxed, is rather fascinating and pulls you in even more.
Like the day before, talking with him comes easy, and while there’s nothing groundbreaking in your conversations, every word feels meaningful in the bigger picture.
Eventually, you feel yourself relaxing like you were at home by your own, getting comfortable enough to let out the thoughts that have been swimming in your head since last night. “I’ve thought a lot about how all of this could play out,” you admit, taking a sip of your coffee, trying to find the right words, though knowing there won’t be any wrong words when talking with Jungkook. “And honestly, I’m not really interested in taking things public if they did work out. I know that’s probably strange to say, but I’m not cut out for the spotlight.”
He tilts his head, watching you thoughtfully. “No, it’s not strange at all. I get it.”
A small smile tugs at your lips as you go on, “I just want something real. A partner who’s loyal, someone who’s there because we get each other, not because we’re some public ‘it’ couple, parading around every chance we get. Does that sound crazy?”
He shakes his head, while he swings from one side to the other. “Not at all. That actually sounds perfect to me.” There’s a sincerity in his tone that makes you feel, for the first time, like there’s some truth to your report. “The whole ‘idol’ thing is just a job. It’s not who I am, not at the core. And having someone who sees it that way, is what I want too.”
It elates you to know that you could have something like this, with him, someone you could genuinely share your life with.
Then, in a thoughtful voice, he asks, “What do you want for the future? I mean, outside all of this.”
You take a breath, feeling a little nervous but wanting to be honest. It’s not like it’s news to him, seeing that this information’s written in the report he was handed. “I want something traditional. A home, a family, maybe staying home with kids, having that steady, grounded life. It sounds simple, I know, but it’s what I’ve always pictured.” You look up at him, expecting maybe a hint of judgement, but instead, you find him nodding, his eyes lighting up like a candle in the night.
“I don’t think that sounds simple at all, but meaningful.”
A shy smile forms on your lips as you add, “Sometimes I feel like people don’t see that side of things anymore, you know? Like everyone’s so focused on careers and success and everything else… and I get that, I do, but I’ve always just wanted something steady. Something I can hold on to.”
His hand finds yours, his fingers like second nature intertwine with yours, and the gesture is so simple yet so heartwarming that you feel like squealing out of happiness. “That’s exactly what I want too.” It’s nothing new to you too, but him saying that, seeing the honesty in his eyes, is better than any data shown to you. “I want that sense of home.”
You feel yourself falling a little harder, a little faster, and maybe that scares you a bit. You’ve seen the kind of attention he gets, the kind of girls that throw themselves at him, and it’s hard not to let those doubts creep in. Especially now. “I know this probably sounds insecure,” you start awkwardly, glancing away, “I think, I don’t know, maybe I’m not the kind of person someone like you would go for. I mean, you could have anyone, and not just because you’re an idol.”
He gives your hand a gentle squeeze, his thumb tracing soothing circles against your skin. And while his mouth opens to say something, the pull against your hand surprises you as much as him settling you in his lab. “Hey, don’t think like that. I’m here because I want to be. And trust me, I’m not looking for ‘anyone’. I’m looking for someone who gets me. And that someone is you, no?”
The look in his eyes is so genuine, so unguarded, that it’s hard to keep your heart from doing all sorts of stunts. He’s not the polished idol right now; he’s just Jungkook, being flirty, being compassionate, being so him, sitting in a cosy studio with his tattoos, his piercings, his moles, his beautiful smile, his whole presence more comfortable and inviting than you could have imagined.
And as he sits there, looking at you like you’re the only person in the world, you realise that you definitely don’t have to doubt this. Maybe it’s okay to let yourself believe that he’s here because he wants to be, that he’s falling for you irrevocably just as you’re falling for him.
“Sooo… that means?” You know you need to be brave now, because if this isn’t a dream, you’d never forgive yourself for not taking the leap.
“That means, if you want to, I’d love to have you as my girlfriend.”
“Isn’t it a bit rushed?” You don’t actually think so, but you still need to be sure.
“I’m all in if you are. I don’t want to waste any more time, and even though it’s just a report, I can feel there’s real truth behind it.”
Fast forward seven months, and you find yourself pressed against the shower wall like you do every night. But this time, it’s different—just hours ago, you made your first public appearance on a music show with Jungkook, just because you both felt ready, where he was not only nominated for Best Singer of the Year but won as well.
“Koo, right there, right there.”
It still amazes you how his cock seems to find your g-spot as soon as he enters you, though you wouldn’t want it any other way.
“Yeah? Right there, hm? Or is it…” he trails off, shifting his hips ever so slightly, making you realise he’s actually hit the centre point of your g-spot now, his hard, unrelenting thrusts pushing you over the edge without warning.
“Oh my goooddd,” your eyes roll back, mouth hanging open against the cool shower wall, as your cunt keeps gripping him even though it’s already creaming around his cock.
“Good girl, keep going, love. Show me how many you can take tonight.”
There’s nothing you can do, not that you’d want to do anything other than let him rearrange your insides. Especially not when his tattooed hand finds its way from the back of your hair to your jaw, tilting your head to the side, giving you the perfect view of his upper body—rivulets of water cascading down his chiselled form, lips parted, eyebrows furrowed.
He’s the epitome of perfection. Not just a ninety-nine percent but a hundred.
His eyes, though hooded, bore into your soul as his hips pick up the pace. It’s this connection you share with him make being with him feel so special.
“Koo…”
“I know, love, just a bit more. Can you be a good girl?”
“Yes,” you moan, because hell, you can. “Yes, for you…ah, winning the trophy.”
Even though you shouldn’t feel his cock twitch with the pace he’s set, you do, realising instantly what he needs tonight.
“Best singer, Koo…fuck…best boyfriend, only fucking me when, hmm, the whole world wants a piece of you.”
“Only you. Always you, ___, love.” You think you catch him licking a drop of saliva from his lips as he stares down at where your bodies connect, sending another wave of arousal from your stretched-out hole.
“You’re so big.”
“Just for you, fuck, squeeze a bit more.”
It’s not that you did it on purpose, but when his hand shoots down to your clit, circling it just right, your body responds as though it’s never felt this good, soaking him even more and gripping him tight as a vice.
“Like that, love, like that.” Jungkook grunts and pants, holding you harder, tighter as his cock seems to swell even more, pumping frantically in sync with your impending second orgasm.
When Jungkook can’t hold back any longer, it’s all you need to let go too, the rush flowing through your veins just as fiercely as the love you feel for this man.
After some time, Jungkook pulls out, helping you straighten up and lean against his chest under the stream. His veiny hands trail down your body, washing away his release dripping out of you, as he plants kisses along the side of your face.
When he’s had enough, he, like always, turns you, brushing the wet strands of hair from your face. And as you do the same to him, captivated by how content and in love he looks, you can’t help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world when, for the first time, Jungkook declares his feelings.
“I love you, till the day I die, ___.”
“I love you too, and beyond.”
Because this, because having Jungkook calling you his, is beyond probability.
a/n 3: lmk what you think in any way you like! 👀 If you liked what you read, pls consider buying me a ☕️ Ko-fi.com/runariya 💕
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#fic: beyond probability#bts imagines#bts fanfic#bts army#jungkook x reader#bts jungkook#jeon jungkook#jungkook fanfic#jungkook x you#jungkook imagine#jjk x reader#jungkook#idolverse#Jungkook idolverse#Jungkook smut#bts smut#Jungkook fluff#bts fluff
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"hey bitch, what's for dinner?"
Cassian dares his besties (eris, lucien and tarquin included) to ask their mates “hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
some are short. some medium. one large (for a headcanon type fic). Also this is mostly dialogue because I didn't want to keep repeating body motions (they shrug a lot, they cuddle a lot, etc, etc, etc).
Azriel:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” He really tried not to let his voice crack, but he couldn't help it. The idea of calling you something foul outside the bedroom is painful.
“Based on the way your voice got quieter for that word, I'm going to assume this is a stupid dare from Cassian. And that you aren’t actually that stupid to talk to me like that.” You said as you continued to stir the pot of soup.
“I’m so relieved you know me that well.” He couldn’t help his sigh.
You snorted as he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “If I ever actually talk to you like that, take Truthteller and use it, cause it’s not me.”
You let out another snort. “My big baby.” You said, taking your hand up and ruffling Azriel’s hair as he pressed kisses to your neck.
Cassian:
He came in so confident too. But quickly was humbled.
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“Wanna try that again?” He doesn’t get scared of much, but your calm tone in this moment will strike fear into his heart.
“No, ma’am.” He shook his head.
“And what did we learn?”
“Never say that stuff to my spouse and mate who I love very much?” He asked.
“Mhm.” you hummed as he came up to hug you. “Speak to me like that again and I’m cutting your hair off.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
Rhysand:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
He didn’t even get a chance to breathe after that sentence because you turned around with the knife in your hand. Seriously, what an idiot approaching you with that stupid shit while you’re cooking dinner. You’re hungry and holding a knife.
You stabbed it into the countertop, it made a twang sound and shook from the force of you stabbing it.
“The fuck did you just say to me?”
“…”
“Go on say it again since you wanna be all cocky.” You leaned against the counter with your arms crossed.
“I love you.” Not much scared him, but his wife humbled the shit out of him.
Your mouth made a flat line and your brows raised as you said, “Mhm.”
“And I’ll do whatever you want for a month. Hell, the rest of our lives.”
“Mhm.” You ripped the knife out of the counter and then turned around and continued chopping vegetables.
“Honey?”
“You know, I think I’ll invite Feyre and her wife over for dinner. They wouldn’t call me that.” You continued.
“Baby,” he began and wrapped his arms around your waist.
“Maybe I’ll invite Cassian and Azriel’s wives too, they’ll understand what it’s like to be married to the stupidest motherfucker we know.”
He pressed a kiss to your clothes shoulder.
“Are you done?”
“You have no idea the doghouse you’re in right now.”
“Does it help if I told you that Cassian dared me.”
You set the knife down and turned around in his arms. “You’re still an idiot.” You wound your arms around his neck, your fingers playing with baby hairs growing at the nape of his neck.
“I know.”
“Good,” you said and smacked his ass.
He yelped.
Feyre:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“What crawled up your ass and died?” You asked.
She couldn’t help but giggle. “I love that you humble me.”
“Me and Rhys’ wife have a load on our hands considering you fools are best friends. You have got to stop influencing each other.”
She hummed at the thought of her best friend and his wife. She put her arms around your waist and you leaned into her. “One day, we’re gonna snap and kill you.” She kissed the area between your neck and shoulder. “We have the best wives.”
“You got that right.” You reached around and smacked her ass. But you miscalculated and hit her hip.
Morrigan:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“Nothing, slut. Bend over the table and spread your cheeks, if you think you can talk to me like that I’ll show you otherwise.”
You sat up from your spot on the couch looking at her with a “WTF” expression.
The woman was too stunned to speak. “It was a joke but now I’m horny.”
You laughed, “into degradation are we?”
“Didn’t think I was, but hey you learn something new everyday.” She shrugged, actually thankful for Cassian because now she could explore this new thing with her wife.
Amren:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?” She opened the door to your shared home to yell. When she heard nothing but silence she was concerned, she could smell you, you were home.
“Y/N?” She called.
She walked into your living room from the entry hall to find you standing there. Staring at her with sad, wide eyes.
“Love?”
“….what’d i do?” Your voice wavered and she couldn’t take it. She pulled you into her arms and rocked you side to side.
“If I ever speak to you like that, you better smack me across the fucking mouth.” Was all she said. “Why’d you say that?” You sniffed. You two pulled away from each other, only enough to lean your foreheads together. “Cassian got it in his big dumb brain that it was a good idea to say that to our mates.” She whispered and wiped your cheeks with her thumbs.
“He’s an idiot.” You deadpanned.
“I'm aware.” “And you’re an idiot for doing it.”
“I deserve that.” Was all she said before she kissed you.
Nesta:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
You were silent and she looked at you from her spot on the couch. You were staring at her wide eyed, your eyes began watering.
“Y/N?”
“That really hurt my feelings, Nes.” You were about to cry.
She shot off from her spot on the couch and crawled into the chair you were sitting in. She pulled you into her chest.
“Oh baby.” She said, “it was a stupid fucking prank from Cassian.” She whispered at the top of your head, kissing your hair.
“Tell that overgrown bitch of a bat to watch his back.” Your voice was muffled from her tits.
“I will.” She scratched your head lightly.
“Nes?”
“Yes, my love?”
“You ever speak to me like that again, I’ll make you wish you never met me.”
She let out a laugh like breath through her nose. “Okay, baby.”
“Tears and all I’ll pummel you.” You declared and she kissed your head, rocking you back and forth.
“I know.”
Elain:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“I will grill your flowers if you talk to me like that again.”
She cackled like the witch she is.
Lucien:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“Soap.”
“Soap?”
“If you’re going to talk to me like that, you’re getting soap. Bitch.” You threw a jar of soap at him. “Go put that on spaghetti.”
Eris:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
You whipped off your shoe and threw it at him. Feyre taught you that move. He didn’t duck, he just let it hit him because he knew his dumbass deserved it.
Tarquin:
“Hey bitch, what’s for dinner?”
“My ass.”
He loves that you match his freak, “I'm so relieved you didn’t think I was serious.”
“You aren’t that stupid, plus, Azriel’s mate sent a missive because he tried it.”
“Drinking with Cassian is the worst.”
“And yet, your dumbass still did it.”
“The drinking or the dare?” “Both.”
#acotar#acomaf#acowar#acofas#acofs#acotar x reader#acotar fanfic#azriel x reader#cassian x reader#rhysand x reader#feyre x reader#morrigan x reader#amren x reader#nesta x reader#elain x reader#lucien x reader#eris x reader#tarquin x reader#acotar crack#acotar headcannons
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