#my whole life i've dreamed of maybe being able to make a living by playing games and being good at them

[benevolentvampire]

i have half a week of having the house to myself and i have received a massive confidence boost tonight i will wake up tomorrow and not need to worry about what my mother will hurl at me first thing in the morning what if i can actually be productive what if the combination of these things ends up curing my fucking depression

[jellicatty]

♯1 ┆ ❝ SUMMER BUMMER ❞ 𝜗𝜚 ᵎᵎ

With your teases and flirty remarks, the two men find themselves guessing the color of your panties— another game they played besides golfing.

╰┈➤ contains : nanami x beverage cart attendant! female reader x higuruma. nana and higu golfing. masturbation. grinding. mutual pinning. innuendos. nana and higu are perverts here. jealous! higuruma. reader is a tease. reader wear skirts.

╰┈➤ note : EEEE FINALLY I POSTED THIS it only took me like a months... anywayy, sex scenes aren't really my forte plus this is like the first time i wrote one sooo don't expect too much (?).

╰┈➤ next : groupie love (coming soon) ...

Defendants would put all the blame on him, the court's verdict is seemingly destined to oppose his favor. Or, that's what Higuruma thought. Another failed case, another living being failed by the country's unjust system, another alleged victim thrown into jail.

Higuruma though, knew that these circumstances would happen. His dream have lasted for centuries, formed by his compassion to deliver the accused to light. But little by little, his principles have formed cracks.

Although his workaholic nature is unfaltering, worsened by the multitude of paperworks, Higuruma does crave for rest. But, his work-life balance contradicts his need for relaxation. Until, the opportunity had arrived and he's now trudging to a bar.

To passerby, it was your typical, vintage bar that old and worn-out folks like him would visit. However, Higuruma saw it as a sanctuary for his deep troubles. From drinking with his colleagues or just simply letting his usually work-occupied mind slip away, his favorite bar had seen it all.

"One— No, three of these, please." His ever polite tone still there even as the hours of long work shouldered him down.

The atmosphere rivaled the comfort of his home, and it's probably why Higuruma had an liking for it.

"You're being carried away by your thoughts, Mr. Higuruma." The bartender was quick to notice his blank expression, placing his ordered drinks in an attempt to distract his mind from work.

But, the bartender knew Higuruma too well. Despite connecting only through brief conversations, and a short time together, the bartender had a sense of what Higuruma's state of mind is at the end of the day.

"If you want to take off your mind away from work, then I suggest doing something else for a change." Well, this hasn't been the first time the advice was given to the attorney. He's had his fair share of therapeutic tips from concerned people. None were able to fully convince him though.

"I don't... I'm too busy."

"You wallow in self-pity, yet do nothing to save yourself from it. I've met other people like you, people who find comfort in what makes them distraught." Instead of his duties, the bartender was now focused on Higuruma. "It doesn't end good for them. I'm sure you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I know. It's not that easy to let go of something that you've dedicated your whole life too."

"I'm sure nothing will be lost if you do let go for a fraction of a second."

"You're not going to give this up, huh?" Higuruma sighed, "Well, I'd like to keep a valuable customer." They both chuckled at the Bartender's wishes. After some thought and a drink or two, Higuruma was set on the decision to make some small changes in his life for once.

The problem is, what would be the change?

Gym was out of the question since he frequently did so. Hiking's too taxing and he can't leave his duties for a long time. Sports were a possibility, as long as it didn't physically exert him that much. Golfing, maybe? He thought.

"One of the gents at the bar earlier has been to the newly opened golfing course here."

Ah, golfing it is.

"I think that young fellow over there needs a getaway from their life, too." His focus turned to the younger, blond man sitting three stools away. A few bottles have been emptied, yet it was evident that he could go for a few more. Nothing outstanding from the man aside from his leopard-pattern tie. Just your typical, fatigue worker.

"Looks like you're also preoccupied with your mind, Sir Nanami. I take it as a bad day?"

"No need to say more."

Although Higuruma knew it was not the best to disturb the tired man, he thought that perhaps talking to him would make their mundane nights better. Maybe, to comfort him with the words he wished to hear.

"Sorry for intruding your conversation, but are you new here?"

"Nope. Been here for some time now. Just been a bit busy with some... grueling reports again." He winced at the mention of his work.

"Reports?"

"I'm a salaryman." Higuruma now turned his full attention on Nanami, filling his curiosity. He hands out a calling card, "Here, just in case." And for a brief second, Higuruma almost laughs at his own 'joke' that he always did with his new acquaintances. Fortunately for him, Nanami's humor was not yet stripped away by his boring profession and softly smiled at his friendly remark.

It's a simple change like this is what Nanami wanted. Nothing extraordinary, nothing too small to notice too. The two men shared their experiences, silently bonding over the heavy troubles they carried from day to night. And if they were being honest, this was one of those moments where they surely won't forget. It's like moments like this was there only escape from the tiring duties they must do.

Alas, the deepest night has caught up to them. The lulling blue tones that played throughout their visit no longer graced their ears. The only noise present was their chatter and the kind bartender's huffing and puffing of cigarette.

"You know, despite your gruff look, you're an approachable guy. A fun one too if you squinted."

"Oh, gruff? You should check a mirror, Higuruma."

The two men chuckled at their jokes, slowly packing up their own belongings before cleaning their surroundings. After they finished, they walked together outside.

The blistering cold of the night quickly breezed past the two men. A shiver and a small breath of fresh air later, they nodded at each other and departed from the bar with heavy steps.

The night was still young, and Higuruma's desperate for a change. Fortunately, Nanami Kento had arrived. Albeit small, Nanami still had made a difference to Higuruma's perpetual enervating days.

He doesn't want their interactions to remain just at the bar, though. Perhaps, he should suggest on golfing together to help the blond too.

The summertime heat was merciless. As one could anticipate for this time of year. In the intense heat, Higuruma and Nanami were helpless. Their experienced selves took turns swinging their golf clubs, finding entertainment in their calculated swings and triumphant shots. Empty cups scattered on their table, their belongings left unattended. 

Golf seemed like a good start—and maybe their greatest choice by far. It was not only a nice diversion, but it also provided them with the ideal reason to spend time with their favorite entertainment—you, the beverage cart girl. 

Weeks have passed, and life has been more tolerable. The first golf meets with Nanami were riddled with a comfortable silence, as if the two men had known each other for a while. The only bond they had was formed on their sleepless nights and persistent work, yet conversations flowed effortlessly. With their unfading politeness and formal talking that stayed even during their golf meets. They both assumed that the other was righteous, and a man of good qualities. Damn were they wrong.

Refined. Upright. Gentlemanly. Those words that used to describe the two men were long discarded. Since your arrival, the two men had been nothing but good, their true colors spilling from the shells of who they used to be. Higuruma could still vividly recall the moment where their true selves slipped. Their gazes were fixed only on you that day, overfilled with joy once you asked for their orders in that sweet voice you had. And right after you left them with their hard rock problems to themselves, they turned to each other as if their eyes alone could communicate. A word did not need to be shared. They knew that you were going to be a problem.

"What do you think's the color of her panties this time, Nanami?" Higuruma positioned his hips in a more appropriate manner, then swung his club. 

"That cheeky woman loves pink," Nanami replied. 

Aside from golf, they engaged in another game — guessing the color of your panties. As suggested by Higuruma when he caught a glimpse of it a few days ago, this was now the two men's favorite pastime. To them, it seemed only fair since you'd purposely bend over to shamelessly give them a view of your lace-trimmed panties that matched your outfits.

"I highly doubt it will be pink again—" 

Out of nowhere, the faint noise of tires screeching slowly approached the two men. Puzzled, they looked at each other first, before turning around. Their eyes confusedly searched for the noise, before their gazes landed on the approaching golf cart— or rather, you. 

It was as if you were the oasis in the Sahara desert, quenching the men's thirst with your exposed skin and alluring smile. With your pastel yellow pleats that went inches above your knee, your tight-fit Lululemon jacket that hugged your delectable figure, and your glamoured face, you joyfully steered the cart towards them. 

Your beautiful smile greeted them, "Sir Kento! Sir Hiromi! I've brought you your drinks again!"  

Higuruma's typically vacant eyes had their spark back to them, the usual boring look it wore instantly disappearing. Meanwhile, the hard lines of Nanami’s face eased, his stoic demeanor softening in your presence.

You hopped off your seat and prepared their ordered drinks, blind to their improper gazes that seek your undergarment. 

Luck was merciful, and the world was on their side today when a breeze had swept your skirt upwards in a cartoonish fashion. 

"Oh!" Your cheeks flushed scarlet at the embarrassing incident, yet your hands take their time to pull down your skirt. 

Their eyes are quicker than your hands, ill-intent gazes finding your undergarment in a flash. Light pink and polka dotted, adorned with a small bow at the front. The kind of panties that he envisioned every night. Nanami snickered, proving himself to be right once again.

"Pay up," Higuruma grumbled, cursing the man under his breath. Their actions no longer define the men they used to be. Their gentlemanliness and polished attitudes dissipate into the air at the sight of you. 

"Thanks, angel. You know how to make our day better, huh?" Nanami returned your smile and took the drinks from your hand. 

Higuruma is not oblivious enough to overlook Nanami's full interest in you. He's sure that a deprived man like him would ogle at your frame. He applauded the blond's self-control because, God, mini skirts were the death of him. 

"That would beeee... 12 dollars!" 

"12 only?" Higuruma pulled out his wallet and handed more than the said amount, "Here, keep the change, sweetie." However, your hands clumsily dropped the money. 

Your breasts from the tight-fit jacket were threatening to spill out as you bent down to grab the fallen change. Although involuntarily, the two men were able to shortly glance at it and oh, my— what a sight. Two mounds pressed tightly together, sweat sensually gliding on your skin, the natural red flush adding more allure. 

Their throats ran dry, needing a refreshment as they were taken aback by the promiscuous view of your tits. There's no way that wasn't intentional, they thought.  

Although you often pulled those stunts, your shyness still lingered— a thing that they grew fondness for. You excused your blunder, timidly covering your face as you walked back to your cart. 

"Aw, you going so soon?" You knew Higuruma would call for you. After all, he enjoyed your presence and often was the one chatting with you. From his smirk though, you should have known he had something in store for today. 

"Come, let Mr. Kento here teach you some golf lessons." Higuruma's true goal of making you break in broad daylight is hidden under his hoax suggestion. Nanami, with his sharp senses, saw Higuruma's real intention, irritated at being his guinea pig for entertainment. 

Despite his annoyance, he gratifies the other man's idea. Now, he has an inexcusable reason to close the proximity between you. 

You asked the man in your honeyed voice "Would it be okay, Sir Kento?", so sweet it's almost sickly. His ears are focused on your saccharine voice, contradicting his jumbled thoughts that insisted he was sick of hearing it, fearing how much power your words have over him. His mind wonders; Would you have that same, sugary and sweet voice? Would your moans echo like candy, alluring and irresistible?

Nanami's attention was quickly drawn to you, looking up at him, his bulging biceps pressed against your tits. Your big, doll-like eyes are desperate to be taught. Nanami wonders again if you'd have the same look when he'll be ruining you.

"Pleaaseee! My shift will be finished soon!" Your pout was his last straw, a victim to your begging once again. Sighing, Nanami agreed to your requests. 

"Yay! Thank you, Sir Kento!" 

"Calm down, sweets. Mr. Kento here is going to malfunction if you keep on clinging to him like that." Higuruma snickered at Nanami's flustered face. "Oh, I apologize, Sir Kento!" You sheepishly backed away and regretted your actions. 

The truth is, it wasn't just the two men that had their perverse fantasies. You too suffered their charm. Whether it be downing the alcohol they ordered, or simply breathing, it always had been a distraction for you. Their Ralph Lauren polos hugged their bodies in a nice fit, outlining their flexed muscles that shone deliciously under their sweat and the sun's rays. Thick, defined thighs, straining their pants. Even when playing normally, their wealth and professionalism exuded, something that you found very appealing. 

"Bend with your hips, Y/n. Not your waist." Would it be wrong to say that you found his strict demeanor attractive? Would it also be wrong to think of the many things Nanami would order you to do in bed? 

"Aaand— Did I do it right?!" Nanami's advice went through and exited your ear. Your swings misaligned and your ball never reached the goal. 

"Gosh, you're a lost cause, angel. This is how it's done." Without warning, Nanami walked to your back. His proximity was sinful as his crotch settled at your ass, the sudden closeness eliciting a small, shocked gasp from you. 

"Like..." He's also affected by the warmth and comfort your ass gave, hot breath fanning over your neck. He extended his arm and put them over yours, guiding your own so you can swing in a correct manner. "This."

But, aiming for the goal was the least of your worries. Not when Nanami's cock is noticeably hardening against your ass. 

"There, you did it!" 

A mix of disbelief and amusement flickered on Higuruma's face. Regret washed over him as Nanami took his suggestion to another level, scolding himself for underestimating the blond's courage and will to tease you right in front of him. With no escape, he's now forced to watch the consequences of his actions unfold. Yet, despite the pure jealousy clouding his mind, he does admit that the scene was enticing. 

His thoughts are improper and vulgar, your flushed expression fueling him more. His train of thought is unavoidable though. Whenever Nanami teased you in broad daylight, publicly, and in front of him, his thoughts will surely be anything but pure.

"S-Sir Hiromi—!" Your voice cried, not for help but for his attention. A whore like you loved the attention. You loved Higuruma's disgusted scowl as he watched the two of you get handsy. You loved Higuruma's body, which reacted opposed to his shown expressions— his bulge visible while his face grimaced. 

But, his thoughts got the best of him, and you only wanted to share your achievement. 

"Did you s-see my shot? It was perfect!" You finally let out a breath when Nanami pulled away, not without a small, teasing comment whispered at you. 

Let him watch. 

Oh, you will. 

Another time, though, because Higuruma's jealousy was painfully cutting through the air. His patience was wearily thin, and it's all because you cannot stop grinding on Nanami's bulge. 

Determined to outdo the blond's ministrations, and also ease his jealousy, Higuruma chimes in., "You mind for a dinner together? Could tell that you need a break just from your eyes alone, sweets." 

The sudden attention left you light-headed, shocked with their unspoken rivalry. You had power and influence over them, and you know just how to use it. But for now, your mind could only focus on the fact that you were going to dinner with your client. You’ve overstepped so many rules and most probably going to be in trouble, but a night with a man like Higuruma Hiromi was something you won’t deny.

Nanami sees your excitement. Feeling the sprouted competition happening between him and his friend, he quickly interjects, "I still don't have your number either. What is it, angel?"

Higuruma's betting on all of his suits (which are all expensive, by the way) that Nanami's going to fuck his fist to your pictures tonight. And he wasn't wrong. Because, as soon as Nanami arrived home, his first thought was to check your socials (surprisingly, not his paperwork). He was initially confused since you had an innocent facade online. Shared religious quotes, pictures with family, not a single photo where your boobs are out for everyone to see. He's even doubting if he followed the correct account. The only confirmation he had that it was yours was the new story you had posted. 

It was you, right after your shift, posing in front of the mirror with a smile. Your caption about thanking the Lord for another day made him laugh. He's confident that you're praising Nanami for his ministrations earlier instead. 

Nanami also wholeheartedly believes you're thanking him too for pressing his hard cock on your ass. He's flattered, and fucking horny, still bothered by the stunt he pulled earlier. 

His erection is painful, and Nanami realizes how he could take care of it. Although feeling a bit perverse at the act he's about to do, he shoves his second thoughts away, eager to cum at a picture of you. 

His lengthy dick is in his hand, gliding against his tip, then sliding up and down. His pre cum coated the top, oozing continuously as he stared at your picture on screen.

"Fuuuck..." He groaned, eyes closed, panting at the pleasure he was feeling. He indulges in his fantasies, letting his imagination run wild. He thinks of you inside his bedroom, wearing nothing but your light pink underwear, with polka dots all over and decorated with laces and ribbons. The same panties that he caught a glimpse of that he's so weak for. He's curious about what you'd be like, but he knew your salacious nature, and figured that you'll be the same slut you are. 

God, if only you were here.

If you were here, it wouldn't be him toying with himself. It would be you, bouncing up and down, drool dripping from your mouth, as his cock fucks your pussy silly. You'd have that dumb look on your face, mind clouded in a lust-frenzy haze as you desperately begged for more. 

"Mhm! Sir Kento!" He knows you'd call out to him, your voice ever-so-sweet, whining and weeping at the fervent feeling of him filling you up. 

"Gonna cum inside you." is what he'd say if you were here. And you being you, you're fain of his request, straddling his hips as if it was made to be there. You wouldn't pull away. Instead, you'd remain on his dick as splurges of cum shoot out of it. 

"T-thank you, Sir" You'd thank him for drowning your sex with his cum. Nanami would only get hard again at your sweetness that managed to stay in the bedroom, and he'd flip you over and pound himself into you. 

His empty promises to himself would be fulfilled one day. But for now, his hand will do. 

"S-shit" His voice is shaky, body trembling at his intense high. His palm is dirtied by his cum that he hoped was inside of you instead.

Tonight, it will be his hand. Next week, it will be your mouth. He's certain of that— No, he swears it will be your small mouth wrapped on his cock. Perhaps, with Higuruma fucking you silly too.

tags : @packsvlog @honeynanamin @rrssrios @misscigarettes @shokosbunny @shamelessdonutkryptonite @i1uvc4ke @dongh9e @freakadelik @tomurafrlover23 @sad-darksoul @glader13 @that-redheadd @beantokki @a-hidden-gem @joonsanswers @erenspersonalsexdoll @s-1-xx @shxniq @ilovetengen @zianaz-slvtz @jwnzlvr @wifenanami @20kglex @oromaangel @jejejjekskwl @s4m4nth4wrld @jaeminsmilk @alpha-mommy69 @lobsteeer @blackphoenix0718 @wrldldo @nappingmoon @cindyneko-strider @yumiecheesecrackers @rattats-world

© jellicatty | no plagiarising please (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)ꕤ*.ﾟ

[shima-draws]

Tell us about the AU! I know you want to!!

WAUGHHH. AGHHH. OKAY. OKAY SO. I've been watching one of my favorite content creators play through the DLC. Early on in the playthrough he was tossing around theories and said "Maybe KIERAN is Ogerpon??" and that gave me a BRILLIANT THOUGHT.

Ogerpon Kieran AU.......

I've already thought of a very long and complex backstory for this LOL but to simplify it. Before the ogre and its human companion came to Kitakami, said companion was actually living a very happy life with his child. However, they were caught up in the midst of a great war that ended up taking the child's life. The man was so overcome with grief that it summoned a great being (I'm thinking Xerneas), who blessed his dead child with new life. And that child was reborn as Ogerpon!! So kinda like how children who get lost in the woods and die are reborn as Phantump.

Fast forward to many many years later. A long chain of events leads to Carmine's grandfather's...father (so, her great-grandpa?) meeting Ogerpon and vowing to make it a new mask, a mystical and powerful mask that could grant wishes. Sadly, Carmine's great-grandpa wasn't able to complete the mask before he died. This project was eventually picked up by Carmine's father (and I have a whole other thing about him but I'm not gonna get into it right now lol). Carmine's father forms a very close bond with Ogerpon as he continues to gather materials to finish the wish mask. He expresses his desire for Ogerpon to finally be able to walk among the villagers with its name cleared, and for Ogerpon to meet his only daughter. He leaves for a journey to find the last material for the mask...and never returns 😔

Carmine's grandfather has a whole complex about the wish mask, but after seeing both his father and his son dedicate so much time and care into completing it, he takes the last material, imbued with the hopes and dreams of his family, and finally finishes the mask. When he presents it to Ogerpon, Ogerpon dons the mask and its wish is granted...it becomes human :") So it becomes Kieran, basically!! Kieran's wish was to be able to say thank you to all of the generations of mask makers that had helped him, and. To be part of their family 🥺 What he doesn't know is that his wish to be human stems from the fact that he already was human, once. But he doesn't remember his life before he was reborn as a Pokemon.

So, Carmine's grandfather happily accepts Kieran and his desire, and takes him home to live with him and Carmine. Note that Kieran is probably around 5-6 at the time, so he's BABY. And Carmine is only about a year or two older. She isn't sure what to think about suddenly getting a new brother, but she's happy to have someone to boss around lmao.

And once a year, during the festival of masks, Kieran lets his facade fall and wanders around as Ogerpon again. Just to keep in touch with his roots haha

So obviously with Kieran being Ogerpon the events of the DLC will play out differently than canon. Kieran slyly compliments the ogre in front of the player and mentions that maybe it's just misunderstood. He's been trying for a while to change the villagers' minds about what happened to him and the Loyal Three all those years ago, but it hasn't been going...too well lol. So when the player shows up, and things start to shift, Kieran gets really excited bc he realizes he finally might be able to clear his name :")

Is this AU silly and dumb as hell? Yes. Does it not really make sense with canon and is full of plot holes? Yes. Am I brainrotting over it anyway? Also yes.

Take a little edit I did of Kieran's official art to fit what I had in mind for the AU ;) I wanted to draw it but I'm at work rn lmao RIP

ALSO LITTLE DOODLE OF THE BOY

ALSO bc of Ogerpon's original gender Kieran probably goes by he/they pronouns in the AU

[kn-1013]

Travis Headcannons

I have a lot of ideas for the SF characters but a lot of these are things you can't really write a story about, so I'll just list my headcannons and see if people like them.

Travis is gay (duh) and has a crush on Sal. His type is "bad boys"; punks, greasers, goths, grunge guys, etc. Tattoos, piercings, dark clothing, ripped jeans, the whole shebang, and that's part of why Sal appeals to him.

He likes this kind of guy because to him, they represent a kind of freedom he can't have; they don't care about what anyone thinks and could confidently whisk him away from all his woes, or something like that. And, if they're known delinquents, he's got plausible deniability if they hit on him. "I'm not gay, this delinquent made me do things I definitely did not want to do and definitely hated!" etc etc

Maybe it's projection but to me, Travis seems like an incredibly specific kind of autistic person I've known throughout my life, where they were raised by a Christian family that refused to properly support them in any meaningful way, so I've claimed him for the autists now.

He has ARFID, mild dyspraxia and often wears a weighted vest underneath loose clothing. He likes the long-sleeved shirt and knee-length shorts combo the best. He has special interests in linguistics and plants/foraging.

The bologna was one of the only foods he could eat that didn't make him violently ill due to ARFID, and since finding out what was in it, he rarely eats meat anymore. Maybe fish, on a good day.

He's lactose intolerant, and makes almond milk at home for himself.

Being a near universally hated person, Travis doesn't have friends to hang out with. He often spends his time reading heavily or being outside by himself, since he doesn't particularly enjoy being at home. This is where his special interests come from.

Travis is a massive bookworm, and frequently speeds through novels with ease. He's also a very good writer himself, but he would never show anything he's written to anyone.

He is a classically trained pianist and has been playing piano for as long as he's been able to process what a piano is. He also plays the organ. He frequently plays both instruments for church services.

I like to think that Travis gets a job as a checker at a grocery store at some point, and saves up money to get himself his own place away from his father, but I can't decide if he should live alone or if he has a roommate.

Despite his father saying that music like this is somehow satanic or immoral, Travis really finds himself enjoying music that utilizes heavy beats and has a strong focus on rhythm and flow, such as rap and hiphop, house, trance, drum and bass, and jungle.

He kind of wishes he could be a DJ because of this, but pushes that dream aside because he knows that he has a responsibility to stop the Devourers first before he can do anything else.

Obviously he never gets that chance.

Hope these are interesting enough. I wanted to make him well-rounded with his own interests and hobbies separate from the SF gang while still remaining as true to his canon personality as I could.

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: georgesoot

today's interviewee is georgesoot/dreamwasfound, who, in his words, "emerged from the senior living center to tell all". under the readmore is a transcript if the questions and answers.

Q: What was, in broad terms, your experience in MCYTblr? Are there any experiences/events that stand out to you?

A: Well it was primarily an outlet to channel all my obnoxious thoughts about Minecraft at the time. I had started watching Minecraft videos during the Pandemic, and came across [they who shall not be mentioned] and noticed there wasn't really a community on Tumblr yet. I just knew that someone had to show up and make it gay. It was easy to slot myself in, start making posts that I will never understand how I thought they would be funny, and slowly built up some sort of a following due to my sense of humor but also due to my ability to soberly ~critique~ the Minecraft Men as content creators, micro-celebrities, and as people. I never really fell into niches or was much aware of what other people were doing, until I was kind of folded into this idea of Dream Lying. I don't mean to sound self obsessed but I didn't really care about anything beyond my immediate sphere of friends?

For instance, you mention with other interviewees the Elections. I did not pay attention to those for a single second. I do remember we were saying "stop the count!" because we thought Georgeeehd should have won. And I dubbed Wormweeb the Prime Minister of Mcytblr, but I don't even remember who was running? Or why this even happened?

But as for other events, if they were funny or I could wring something out of them, I do remember them. For example, the mass migration of Kpoppies to Tumblr after it was suddenly "legal" to ship content creators. That compltely shifted the "culture" if it can be called that. I remember all the fake stan accounts, but I never attempted to interact with them. Obviously I remember the Tapeworm post, all the Discourse, the Controversies, how I was able to get hundreds of notes by summarizing events of the DreamSMP, my great shame in life.

But yes, most of the time, I was not there to take things too seriously.

Q: More specifically, what was your experience being in Dream Lying/early critblr? Do you think your experience differed from “main” MCYTblr?

A: As for my experience in what has been dubbed Critblr, well I've been credited with helping to start that whole movement. I think it's funny, because truly the kind of reaction to [censored]'s warcry scandal just wouldn't play out today the way it did back then. But I think it's a function of being an adult, that I could look at [censored] not as an idol, like at all whatsoever. It's easy to swept up in the emotions of things. But as a veteran of Discourseblr, and multiple fandoms, I could see through [censored]'s lack of media training and awareness of the average center left teenage perspective on these issues like it was wet tissue paper. People were mad at for that, but I didn't care what people thought of me.

Maybe by coincidence the other members of Dream Lying also had similar worldviews to mine. Everyone could look past the stanning of it all and recognize when something "canceallable" occurred and discuss it frankly and succinctly. Well I couldn't discuss it succinctly but others could. So to answer your question, yes it was a different experience from the rest of the "community." And it got to the point that it wasn't just "holding creators to account" it became fun. It was fun being the buzzkill in an ironic sense, and also fun in an unhinged way to just create these ludicrous scenarios of [censored] the Young Republican cornering you in the hallway and asking you so how does gay sex work actually though? And again, shipping was a component of this too.

And we turned out to be right. At the risk of sounding arrogant, this will become a theme.

Q: In previous interviews with DLying members, we’ve discussed that misinformation/in-jokes were a big part of the culture, one of them being that Dream sued you for libel. Do you remember any others? Did you expect so many people to believe you?

A: As I mentioned, I didn't take things too seriously. I enjoyed doing a little light trolling, such as when I infiltrated a [censored] stan tumblr server and showed everyone his dogs, and then reveled in the drama of them acting like I killed their families. People also turned on me because I abandoned The Ship for a ship that comprises of two… perpetrators of sexual misconduct as of March 2024, though that would also be true of the Popular Ship as well.

Anyway my personal computer died sometime in early 2021, so I, as is per the usual for my personality, made it into a joke because it really was quite stressful. I mentioned to Reese Georgeeehd and Ozzie ohge0rge (sp?) that [censored] must've sent a virus to kill my harddrive. This evolved into [censored]'s legal team sending me a cease and desist letter, as I'm sure I was being extra ~critical~ on Tumblr at the time.

They asked if they could make that The Official Narrative. I cautioned against it, it leaked anyway, because their "Private Twitters" had hundreds of followers, and this enabled this joke to become a full fledged rumor. And then my "ops" as the kids call them, got wind of this too. Most didn't believe it, but some had this "If it did happen GOOD!" attitude.

But some other examples… let me think. We did try to heavily imply that Ranboo was a former member of our organization. We rarely outright lied about the creators, but we did usually distort or exaggerate things when it came to us, for comedic effect. Frequently someone will say to me "Oh so and so mentioned you again," and my go-to answer is always "Tell them I got hit by a bus," or "Tell them I'm withering away from my dementia in the nursing home."

I did not expect people to believe me, because I did not spread the rumor because I had completely disappeared from the "public" by that point. I purposefully devised a very unrealistic joke in the first place, so I really don't know who would believe that. Especially since I was known to be friends and enemies with doxxers, who could find that information out if it existed.

Like the thought of [censored] being so hurt by a single anonymous loser calling him a Trump supporter and a bad voice actor and someone who was going to hold his British friend captive in his basement and force him to go on a keto diet to the point that he starves to death, or that he had offshore bank accounts to evade Taxes, or that he paid his brother to be his body double (this turned out to be true), that he was pretending to be bisexual for clout, that he had 100% cheated on his speedrun (also turned out to be true), that he had enslaved his mother as his maid, that he and his other friend from Texas would engage in a little frottage as bros do… well the list is endless. But the thought of him being so offended that he gets his lawyer, whom he pays, to send me a cease and desist letter… well it's one of the few things I came up with that was actually funny.

Uh but no, anyone with a healthy attachment to reality would never believe that.

Q: I understand that you were also in EBblr and its surrounding communities. What was that like? 

A: I was never in ebblr… all I did was watch a few Tubbo streams, realize that he was probably gay, and I was right. Because what do you expect at this point?

I pointed out publicly that Tubbo and Ranboo were engaging in some light queerbait, except that they were obviously both queer. The point was I thought they (or at least Tubbo) were trying to engineer a New [censored], because that gets you attention which gets you money… like Kaceytron was right about everything? In these spaces, being Queer is a commodity. But I'm letting the point get away from me.

In private, I mostly reacted with bemusement, and we did have some genuine enderbabies, as I called them (mostly derisively), in our server, who took it all so literally and that it was so kawaii desu. I thought it was cringe. Like, Tubbo pretending to be coy and saying Ranboo's foot was bigger than his forearm. That took me RIGHT back to my days as a cringy 19yo baby gay trying to flirt. Oh I'm getting embarrassed thinking about it. But there were a few moments that Tubbo and Ranboo manufactured together that I thought were pretty cute and wholesome.

On the whole, I'm still confused as to why I'm included in this sub-community. I approached Enderbees as a marketing thing, or something of the sort. I never read fics, I never looked at art, I never really cared. I especially didn't care about their "characters" on the SMP, which also set me apart from the genuine unironic shippers. Some thought this was worse than shipping because I was committing that dreaded cardinal sin: speculating on CC's sexualities.

And yes, I popularized the word Truthing in this context. I explicitly modeled it after 9/11 Truthers, because the JOKE (hi remember none of this was meant to be too serious) was that we were deranged conspiracists who were probably best kept away from normal society.

Q: Is it odd to be regarded as infamous within the MCYTblr niche? 

A: No it's not odd, I at least partially strove for infamy. Any attention gratifies the ego after all, not just postitive attention. Then there was the absurdity of it all. Here I was, in the Pandemic, having multiple degrees, looking for jobs, getting a job, going to work, paying taxes, and theater kids in high school were probably drawing devil horns on my pfp and throwing knives at it. All because I said everything I said about [censored], or "speculated" that Technoblade was gay because he had drama kid energy, or called Tommy annoying that one time in 2020, or babied [censored] too much. There's really no end to the list of nonsense I was spewing.

And I'd argue that I'm not infamous. Gayminecraftmen had to tell me about your blog and your interviews. I'm doing this because my friends think it would be funny. And the Drama of Georgesoot emerging from the senior living center to tell all is the kind of stupid humor I like. But aside from this, I haven't thought about Minecraft in a while. I have to be spoonfed lore about these annoying content creators who don't even make content anymore. Anything I learn about the "community" now is against my will.

At the time, maybe I was infamous, but now? I don't care. To even dignify my "infamy" would be to admit that Minecraft Youtube is even relevant anymore. How pathetic! I just filed my taxes and got an oil change last week. Me and the homies are having Dune watch parties and writing elaborate screenplays for Timothee Chalamet to star in in our heads (shout out to Ciara). To reminisce on my Tumblr infamy for a community of mostly teenagers about Content Creators who made content for said teenagers and later preyed on those teenagers… is so opposite from the adult problems and adult interest I have. Not to be condescending but that's just how it is!

Q: What are some common creator criticisms that you remember from 2020-2021? Do you still stand by them?

A: The common criticisms have held up in my opinion. [censored] and [censored] were queerbaiting. [censored] was cultivating an audience of loyal vulnerable teenagers and he took advantage. So did [censored]. And [censored] who literally bites people? Oh… okay then.

Dream Lying was right about [censored]'s friend whom he invited into his home and whom he tried to gift a career, only to be outed as an abuser. We were right about [censored] coming from not just a conservative background, but a bigoted one, one that he refused to actually grapple with. We were right about MCC being rigged. We were right about the cheating scandal. We were right about so many things.

The only thing I was definitely wrong about was the [censored] really did hop off the plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan. I thought he for sure would just put off the [censored] team hype house meetup forever. My psychic powers don't always work I guess. That wasn't a criticism though, just my coping. Oh and I was wrong that Ranboo was an industry plant, but I was right that he's annoying and has no talent. And Dream Lying said from day one that Tubbo and Ranboo's little relationship would not last the summer and we were right! In fact during that whole thing I also speculated that Tommy would start queerbaiting and then he did! I felt like Cassandra at times.

Anyway back to the point. I mean the criticisms of [censored] were just all encompassing, and basically stemmed from the fact that he was like all these video game boys- a white man from a republican household who was not properly media trained because Streaming is not a real industry career and none of them were prepared for fame. And that has borne out over and over again. They all have shady pasts, they all abuse their fame and take advantage of fans. So I do stand by these criticisms.

Q: Is there anything else you’d like to speak on or have archived?

A: Not really, I've already said far too much, so apologies to whoever edits these, I hope you enjoy the novel I wrote for you. I don't know, I have dementia, none of this is real. Karlarmy forever. Also who even knows if I'm the real Georgesoot.

[avacoleman]

It's been a minute since I've done one of these, but this nugget of an idea has been kicking around in my head as of late. here's a bit from a second chance, past/present romance. this snippet is from their college days

“Can I ask you something?”

“That sounds terribly ominous, but I suppose so, yes.”

Alex sits up, resting his back against the wall.

“Are you happy?”

Henry does a double take, brought up short completely by the question.

“Pardon me?”

Alex twirls his pencil like a drumstick between his long fingers. Henry’s head feels as if it’s in a tailspin too.

“I have my own thoughts on the whole royal family thing. They aren’t exactly…diplomatic so I’ll break tradition and keep my mouth shut. Though, I can’t help but wonder what it’s really like day to day.”

Henry frowns slightly before schooling his features.

“I don’t have anything else to genuinely compare it to. By default, I’d imagine I should be happy.”

“That’s not at all what I asked. Are you actually happy?”

Henry searches Alex's eyes. No one outside his immediate circle has ever spoken to him so bluntly before. For a moment Henry wonders if he should pull rank, but he sees the out that’s being given to him.

Alex is giving him a chance to speak freely— at least as freely as Henry can allow himself to be.

“There’s an unbelievable amount of pressure that makes it difficult at times to ever feel fully happy or content. Some days I’m not even sure if I can live up to what my life is predetermined to be.”

Alex’s brows furrow.

“How so? I mean, I get it. Life in the public eye feels more like living in a fishbowl or being under a microscope all day every day. You’ve got it even worse than me.”

Henry laughs dryly.

“I have it worse than anyone.”

“Is it really all that bad? There aren’t any parts of the gig that make it worthwhile?”

“Calling it a gig suggests that I have an actual choice or say in the matter,” Henry replies.

Alex winces a little.

“Fuck, you’re right. Sorry. I guess I just mean, is there anything about your role in the royal family that you feel appreciative of? That makes you genuinely happy to be in this position?”

Henry looks away and takes a moment to gather his thoughts, of which there are many. Alex gives him the time to parse through it all, never once becoming impatient or pressing.

“If life in the public eye is a fishbowl, then I’d equate life in the palace to that of a gilded cage. Dress it up however you might like, it’s still— at its core— akin to a prison.”

Henry sighs and shakes his head. 

“I don’t mean to sound melodramatic or ungrateful. I honestly don’t. I know that being born into this family has provided me with luxuries and opportunities most people could never even dream of. All the same, it can come at a great personal cost.”

“And what’s the price you’re paying?”

Henry opens his mouth. The words dance precariously on the tip of his tongue but he swallows them down, not daring to give them room to breathe.

“I can’t say. Not right now at least.”

Alex looks even more intrigued, his head tilting slightly. Henry likes the way the light catches his eyes as they hold each other's gaze. 

“Would the truth really cost you so much that you’d rather keep it as a burden instead?”

There’s no judgment in Alex’s tone, just a genuine curiosity that makes Henry desperately want to be able to confess all he’s been bottling up.

“Yes. I can’t gamble with my future like that. When it’s all said and done, a gilded cage still offers protection. Perhaps I’ve developed an acute case of Stockholm syndrome,” he tries to joke.

Alex stares at him, looking troubled by Henry’s sentiments.

“No one should be trapped in a life they don’t want to live.”

“Ah, but you see, freedom is the ultimate luxury. I’m not so sure if that’s the hand I’ve been dealt.”

“Sounds to me like you need to change the rules or maybe even play a different game altogether.”

Henry smiles wistfully.

“An inspired thought. I admire your rebellious spirit. I dare say I even envy it.”

[just-a-carrot]

Had the chance to sit down and play the new installment (that makes it sound like an appliance... OW: Smart Fridge Edition) and it's so viscerally raw and human. The whole game is, but wow. My favorite genre of fiction is fantasy, for being able to see a creator and their world as 'look at a life these people are living and the world they're living in'. A world surreal, fantastic, and all too easy to think about what it would be like if it was real-- acting like it is real with dreams of dragons and elves. Our Wonderland goes beyond that, in a way few other fantasy stories I've read have. It's not the fantasy of magical beings living in a sprawling, epic world; it's not the fantasy of a gigantic battle of good versus evil-- the fantasy comes in when the cast thinks their lives should be just like the tales of knights and glory. The fantasy is just humans trying their darndest, despite it all. Hoping for a better world. Which wouldn't be so worth commenting on if not for the execution. Every emotion, every action-- beat-by-beat it's gripping and a perfect sell into the world. Playing the finale elicited some feelings and memories I had forgotten about. The sense of turning on the GameCube late at night, going to play Mario Sunshine. Long road trips immersed in the scenery of forest and buffalo, after having spent hours staring at cities. Getting up to dumb hijinks with people I'd only know for a few days. Staring out into the open ocean upon a swing. I'm not sure why it brought those out, but I think it's because of how human the game is, it gets you to think. It got me to think, anyways. Anywho, thank you for an amazing experience Carrot. I hope you have a good rest, and that my thoughts are written here somewhat coherently. If not, I'll summarize: DAMN GOOD GAME. DAMN GOOD STORY. DAMN GOOD ART. DAMN GOOD.

SOB

i don't know how to respond to this... this is incredibly sweet and thoughtful and i'm not sure i have the eloquence currently to type up and actually decent response 🥺💦

but i can definitely feel in my heart what you mean. even if it's not necessarily the exact same emotions or in the exact same way, especially as the creator rather than the experiencer in this case. but like. OW has always filled me with those types of nostalgic feelings as well. maybe it's because at its core, its about these types of fundamental happinesses. and these fundamental relationships we form as kids. and perhaps also simply because so much of the OW cast's pasts and experiences draw so heavily from my own, so it becomes almost as though i'm looking back into my own past through some kind of slightly warped threshold or something

stuff like the final scene in the field for instance was inspired by a scene in majora's mask, which is something i used to play with my sister. we would talk the characters aloud and make up our own stories rather than what they were actually saying (usually really ridiculous and stupid stuff lakdsfjad) or make silly radio plays where we recorded ourselves acting our chars from the game. also a lot of the references both in and outside of the game (like in my non-in-game art and such) was inspired by my own memories. so thinking about the game often makes these additional nostalgic coils drift up through my own memories

at any rate, i can't be sure that's the exact type of same feelings you're talking about, but... i feel like i understand the vibe of what you're saying at least

AND OFC I'M JUST REALLY HAPPY YOU ENJOYED THE ENDING DLKJALDSKJFASD

i still can't believe it's really over. and i mean sure it's not OVER over because i still have plans for other stuff with the chars and even the revamp which would include still working on stuff for the main game. but nothing will ever be the same for me as working on this game itself. and i'm really so grateful for everyone who's joined me in this journey because i'm not sure i would have made it to the end without all of you 💦

but i digress. thank you for this lovely message and for attempting to write up your thoughts lsakjdfasd it really means a lot!! 💕

[majesticwren]

due to high demand - me. I'm high demand. this entire project is being written entirely for my pleasure, be warned I'm being extremely self-indulgent - I've decided to write a little prequel to the events that take place here. this is set in 2018 and is the beginning of Fletch x OFC. billy will have his own little prequel at some point. enjoy. a/n: please don't come for me I am heavily lingering into the angst and the toxicity and the drama only for the pleasure of it and this is my testimony be warned because we'll dive head first in it folks.

Trigger Warning/s: OFC is her own trigger warning she is damaged goods and slightly toxic and emotionally unavailable, kyle is a little baby, mark is being overprotective and extremely toxic sorry not sorry, alcohol consumption, mention of addiction, mention of heroin abuse, mention of sex, mention of trauma, mention of intentional overdose, swearing, smut!, unprotected sex (this is a fic, don't do this at home kids, know your sexed!), loss of virginity (Kyle's a baby, as already said), OFC is slightly dom, angst, mainly friends to lovers/impossible relationship dynamics.

nuclear season: part I -> | part II -> | part III -> prequel: <- part I | part III -> | part IV -> Masterlist

“I tell you,” Kyle chuckled, “you should have been there. I fell off the stool from laughter. I have never seen anything like it before in my life,”

They laid close to each other in a nest of covers and pillows on her bed in her messy hotel room. Music played in the background. Erika looked at his features, getting inebriated by the naïve, sweet look he had on his pretty face. His blushed cheeks and the lack of focus he had due to being tipsy were getting her drunk more than the alcohol.

“Well, then,” Erika raised the half-full bottle of tequila in a cheer, “I suppose that requires a hooray!” giggling to herself, she let her head fall heavy on the nest of pillows. She wasn’t even sure what they were talking about anymore.

She had tried so hard to stay as far away from heavily drinking for so long, that she almost got back to being able to feel tipsy and enjoy it. She hadn’t been completely clean, but she hadn’t gotten drunk in months. Until tonight.

Sobriety would have meant for her to have a clearer mind to take sensed, thought-through decisions, considering a whole lot of consequences and people involved. But that also meant she was supposed to face her emotions, which Erika had no intention of doing. Not after she had to face Mark’s words.

If her brother didn’t believe in her, what chance did she have?

She tried to escape her past, but it was just as her brother had said. A tiger wouldn’t lose her strips. She would have never become anything better than who she was. Forever branded like the unreliable troublemaker unworthy of the benefit of the doubt or any hope.

She had been so stupid for believing anything could change. That she had a chance to become something better.

And then there was Kyle. She didn’t even want to think about how heartbroken she was. It hurt so much to want someone so desperately and knowing so well she’d never have him. It hurt too much for her to bear. If she had been given the chance to be someone different from her past, maybe she would have thought she could make it. Maybe she would treat him well, give him the affection he deserved and trust him to give her the respect she needed. But she wasn’t different. She was the same girl she left in Australia, only lived in the United Kingdom and pretended to be someone else for kicks.

And now, she just knew she was going to break Kyle’s heart. It was a conscious decision she had made.

Instead of considering her options, Erika decided to take the familiar route of drowning herself in a bottle of tequila and making bad decisions. It was easy enough to forget about her dreams and expectations. And the more she fell into her drunkenness mess of incoherent stormy emotions, the more she became erratic and unpredictable, spiralling into a dark void. She was stuck in an ouroboros where she became the thing she feared the most to escape it.

And now, she was ready to stand by the rubble of everything she was going to ruin.

Before Kyle could grab the bottle from her grasp, Erika retrieved it to her chest, sending him a teasing look, challenging him to come and get it as she drank more of the bitter liquor herself. She hid her grin behind the bottle, chugging down a big gulp. No salt. No lime. No shame.

The liquid felt hot as it slid down her throat and into her stomach. Its warmth spread quickly through her and into her mind, making it difficult to focus on much more but Kyle’s lips.

“You are so pretty,” she whispered, deciding to push herself to break the distance between them and tracing his jawline with her fingertips. “Beautiful, actually.”

Kyle’s face became red all over. “Not like you,” he dared and then stole the bottle off her grasp and hid his timidity behind it.

She felt every inch of her skin itch to be touched. The small distance dividing them was so painful to endure. She felt the need to feel him. To have him. Hanging between their words and in their crossed gazes there was everything she tried to deny herself from feeling and all the space he allowed her to have, respecting her wishes. The difference was she was done being mature. She had taken her decision. Trying and act like the bigger person, getting away from everything toxic in her behaviour, didn’t bring her anywhere. So why keep fighting?

That was her last chance to make a sensible decision before ruining everything.

Fuck Mark.

She thought impulsively, getting distracted from Kyle.

Fuck him and all his empty promises and his pretended love. He didn’t deserve her to try. He didn’t believe she could, anyway. So, he wasn’t going to have the best version of her. He ripped her hope away and threw her in the dark. So, she was going to hurt the only person he cared about. And she had every intention of liking it. Kyle would have been delicious; she just knew it.

“I am so glad you are here,” she didn’t need to lie about that. She was aware of what she was walking into and what she would have done. But she truly liked him.

This time, she traced her fingers to his chin, close to his lips.

Kyle popped a timid smile, as he looked at her face. Words didn’t come out of his mouth. He was fiddling with his hands. So nervous and pretty, made her smile widen. Delicious.

Erika was naturally prompted to move to him, placing a hand on his chest. “What is it, baby?” She wondered in a low purr, pushing herself closer to him. “You are so nervous.”

“I didn’t think you’d call; you know?”

“No?” Erika decided it was time to get rid of the bottle of tequila, which she leaned over to leave on the bedside cabinet, before quickly going back to snuggling by Kyle’s side. “You haven’t noticed how I look at you?”

“I have. I do. I hope that you’ll notice me all the time,” he admitted, “but you made it clear you need distance, and that’s what I gave you.”

“And I appreciate that,” Erika wasn’t lying. Nothing of what she felt for him was constructed. She was truly enjoying spending time with him and wanted so much more from him that it felt difficult to breathe; even though she did ask him to join her only because of her quarrel with Mark, to prove a point, and was determined to break both their hearts.

If she was supposed to end up suffering, she was gonna do it in the sweetest and most prohibited way possible.

“I don’t want to have distance anymore,” Erika suggested, her eyes crossed Kyle’s face, soaking up his sweetness. She decided to encourage him to follow her queue by grabbing his hand and gently guiding him to place it on her stomach. He watched her do it holding his breath in his chest.

His touch was extremely attentive. Kyle laid his large hand flat on her abdomen, not daring to move. His skinny fingers were spread across her, feeling the soft material of the extra-large t-shirt she was wearing above a simple pair of booty shorts. Then, his hand moved ever so slightly, feeling her body underneath his touch.

A shiver crossed her. They were barely touching and she was already on fire. A soft sigh left her as the pleasure of his touch, even just so small, was already enough to make her stretch under him. She desperately wanted him to touch her all over and to feel him everywhere. She was ready to beg and had to bite her tongue not to. Not yet. That simple caress wasn’t enough – not even remotely.

Erika kept her hand on his, pushing him down into her belly, making him feel her. She needed him to explore her. She wanted him to desire to feel her just as badly as she did. Her other hand was still on his face as she was carried away by his timid look as he followed everything she did. There was uncertainty behind his eyes, but it was the edge of expectations he hung on that attracted her the most.

“Tell me what you are thinking,” she pulled his chin, making him look back at her. “I need to know what’s going on behind those beautiful eyes.”

Kyle tried to hide behind a chuckle, but his blushed cheeks gave him away. “What do you think I am thinking?” He wondered, trying to outsmart her.

Except Erika wasn’t playing. “I hope you are wondering what I look like when I am naked.” She dared, not stopping at how he choked on his breath. “And I am hoping you are going to put those pretty hands and lips into use soon.”

“God, Erika,” he whispered, trying to escape her gaze.

He hissed when she didn’t let him get away. “Tell me. Please, baby, I need to know. I need you.”

The way he shivered made her body react. Warmth flooded right through her, charging up her nerves and making her belly ache and her abdomen feel heavy. God, nothing about her desire needed to be forced in any way, Erika truly liked him and had been wanting him for a long time now. Only she had stopped hiding it away. Now it was her time to be selfish.

“Me too,” he admitted, leaning closer to her, enough to press his forehead on hers. “I want you so bad it hurts.”

She smiled victoriously and decided she was done waiting around. She pushed herself closer to him, brushing her lips on his.

Kyle took another few moments to warm up. He was awkward and uncertain, but surely ready to follow her queues, because, as soon as he battled with his shyness, he dived into her lips, kissing her with a hunger and desperation Erika was more than ready to match.

It had been so long since they kissed and she had missed his lips ever since.

There was a force pulling her towards him. How did she believe it possible to fight against her deepest desires?

She was such a fool.

Erika’s hand cruised across his neck and around his shoulders, pulling him down on her. She avidly studied the slim edges of his body, admiring the feeling of every muscle and bone she found, desiring to feel more. She needed his naked skin. His warmth. His everything.

Kyle weighing on her as they made out was so sweet and ravaging. She was already pretty unhinged and self-destructive, but now, nothing was stopping her.

Erika bent her leg and slid it around his thin waist, branching around him like ivy. She then guided his hand from her belly to her thigh, needing to feel his fingers on her naked skin. This time, Kyle was more courageous and took the initiative, squeezing her soft flesh into his hold. The soft moan he released, pushing himself against her, further into her arms, sent her ballistic.

Erika pushed him down on the mattress and hopped over his hips, straddling him. This time, lowering herself back down, she pushed her face into the crook of his neck, avidly kissing his skin and adoring feeling him tensing up underneath her, his choked breath was music to her ears.

Kyle took a few long seconds before feeling confident enough to wrap his hands around her hips. But then, he rewarded her by letting his hands explore her body, feeling dauntless enough to cruise up her spine and down one leg.

Erika pulled herself up sitting back into his hips and enjoying every inch of his body she felt underneath her. He was aroused. She felt his trapped erection poke her through their clothes. And, God, that was enough to make her head spin. Not thinking too clearly, she pushed her hands in between them, reaching for his belt, feeling the need to touch him.

However, before she could even realise her desires, Kyle froze and was quick to stop her. His hold on her was gentle but firm as he grabbed her hands and pushed them off him.

Erika sat back up on him, frowning. “What is it, baby?”

“Nothing,” he huffed, avoiding eye contact, “I just- would like to take it easy, for a moment.”

Looking down at him, she suddenly felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea that he may have not wanted the same thing she did, despite his clear arousal and desire for her. Though there was something in him, in his quickened breath and pink cheeks, and in the way his eyes were drawn away from her, that intrigued her even more.

She slipped a hand of his grasp only to grab his chin and pull him to look at her. “What is it, Fletch?”

“Nothing-” he choked. His entire face was becoming red.

Erika leapt into his eyes. “No. That’s not nothing.” She leaned in, brushing her lips over his softly, “Tell me.”

Kyle hesitated, looking at her for a long moment and then, with a defeated sigh, he shook his head. “I think I need a minute before we start doing stuff.”

“Ok,” she nodded, understanding and encouraging, not forcing herself on him. “Why? Are you ok?”

“More than ok,” he nodded, “please, don’t think I don’t want this. You.” He released her hand only to place his around her hips, giving her an encouraging squeeze. “Because I do. More than the world.”

“Then what is it?” She wondered softly, kissing gently his forehead and then cheeks, loving the way he moulded into her like a cat bumping his little face into her.

“I-” he choked on a secret.

“You can tell me,” She encouraged him softly, sliding her hand across the back of his neck and up his shaved hair, gently cradling him. “You can tell me anything.”

“I may not have as much experience as you think I do,” he revealed speaking quickly.

“That’s ok,” Erika pulled a gentle smile, willing to make him feel at ease. She had suspected it by the way he was attentive and soft and, if anything, it only made her more feral.

Though Kyle still shook his head. “No, you don’t understand.” He took a deep breath like he was trying to gather all his courage. “I’ve never done this before.”

Erika was stricken.

She froze on the spot, looking down at him.

However, her shock was soon gone. She was quick to cup his face into her hands, holding him ever so gently. “Are you a virgin?”

Kyle quietly nodded, face still red all over and puppy eyes so sweet her heart couldn’t take it.

Her chest was quick to warm back up and fill with a feeling so strong it made it hard to breathe. It was respect. It was affection. It was straight-up devotion, the second she realised the meaning of his words. And then it ripped her apart, as she realised he wasn’t only a sweet-looking boy she fancied. He wasn’t only a prohibited fruit she wanted to defile to prove a point. He was so much more than that. He was everything she wanted. What she felt rolling out of her chest, made her have to bite her tongue not to tell him how deep she was falling for him.

She attentively caressed his cheeks.

That wasn’t going the way she had planned. She had planned to do what she was used to, which was charming a boy into bed with her and watching her world burn. But now all of that was gone in the back of her mind. Now there was only their moment.

“Would you give it to me?” She wondered pulling his chin up, brushing her lips against his.

Kyle nodded without a second of hesitation. “Yes. Yes, please. I have thought about this so much. I just need you to go slow on me.”

“Oh? You thought about this?” Kyle whined and nodded in her hold, only attracting her attention more. Erika kissed the sides of his mouth, “When?” she wondered in a whisper, “touching yourself?” He whimpered, and then nodded again, only prompting her to pull his chin softly. “Use your words, pretty boy.”

“Yes. I did.”

Erika rewarded him with a soft kiss. “Thinking about me?”

“Mh- yes, it’s always you.”

“Fuck, Kyle,” she hissed as a shiver crossed her back, making her skin ripple in goosebumps.

There, right at that moment, as they both stood over an edge there was no coming back, Erika decided there was no past or future. They were only a boy and a girl who liked each other. There were no consequences, no regrets. Only what they felt and what they wanted.

And she desperately wanted him to be hers. Only hers.

Erika pulled him up in a kiss, starting with her plan by taking his lips. He melted underneath her, now wrapping his arms fully around her, caging in a hug and holding onto her like she was a lifeline.

This time, he was the one taking the initiative. He traced her chin with his lips and down her neck, pushing her to bend in between his arms, assaulting one of her most sensitive spots, tasting her skin.

“Yes,” she cooed with a proud smile on her lips, enjoying feeling his mouth on her. “I like that. Keep going.”

Kyle followed her words gladly, taking a liking to nibble on the sensitive skin under her ear only to feel her shiver and sigh in his arms. She whimpered when his hot tongue passed over the spots his teeth marked.

“Did you ever have a girlfriend, before?” she wondered breathlessly, sliding a hand through the longer hair on top of his head, feeling the need to grab on something.

“I am not that naïve,” he pointed out, looking up at her with a small grin, “I did stuff before, only not everything.”

God, he was breathtaking with his puffed-up lips, blushed cheeks and glimmery eyes.

“Oh, yeah?” Erika brushed her lips on his forehead, “what stuff?” She found it so arousing for no reason in particular, if not that he just became a thousand times more delicious to her. She wanted to eat him up.

Kyle went red again. “Everything else but sex.”

“Everything?” She kept wondering, tracing circles with her fingers across the back of his neck. “Like what? You had a little girlie who showed you how she liked to be touched? Or more than one girl, maybe?”

“Are you taking the piss out of me?”

“No.” She simply said looking down at him. “It turns me on. Tell me, I want to know.”

“Just one girl,” he sighed, giving her exactly what she wanted, “We were high school sweethearts, we were together for a little over one year, though it didn’t work out as soon as I started travelling with wrestling. It’s been some time now.”

“Was she pretty?” Erika causally played with his hair.

She wasn’t jealous. She had never been jealous once in her life, her ego was big enough to give her the confidence to know there was no competition with her. When she wanted something, she simply would have it. There was no other way about it. But she was proud, arrogant even, and she needed to know; she needed to hear it from his lips.

“Yes,” he nodded, “she was a pretty girl. Too pretty for me. But nothing compared to you,” Kyle didn’t disappoint her. “But you know that, don’t you?”

She pushed her index under his chin, making him lift his face. “I like to hear how pretty you think I am.”

“Breathtaking,” he revealed. The way his honest eyes glimmered, as he traced the soft lines of her features, gave her a shiver. “You look like you came out of a dream. But it isn’t only your smoky hot body or the way I’d fall on my knees every time you smile. It’s your eyes. When you look at me, I feel seen. I feel important.”

“You are seen,” Erika slid her hands around his face, making sure to be as close to him as possible, “You are important to me, Kyle.”

She shouldn’t have said it. She was well aware. But there were worse things she wanted to say just as badly. She wasn’t only falling for him; she was already there and had those three words on the tip of her tongue. She couldn’t keep it in anymore, her heart was leaping out of her chest and pouring straight into his. Erika had no control over the emotion that just overwhelmed her. But she forced herself to silence.

He may never know it. She had never been no one’s before, but she was his now. No matter about tomorrow or the consequences of all those damned choices they were making in that bed. A piece of her just left her and he had it to keep forever.

“I want to take off your clothes,” she instructed softly, her hands sliding down on his chest, hinting at her words. “Would that be ok?”

Kyle nodded quickly, only prompting her to reach for the helm of his t-shirt and pull it up and over his head. She then gave him a gentle push, hinting for him to lay back down under her. Kyle followed her queue obediently and let her feast on the view.

She saw him shirtless all the time while they worked. Sometimes around the house too. It wasn’t news. But it was entirely different now when she had his consent to study, tease and taste every centimetre of his exposed skin.

Her fingers followed attentively her gaze across his torso. His skin was soft and warm under her touch, feeling thinly stretched over his slim body. She followed the edges of his thin pecs and down the sternum to his abdomen. As she teased him, tracing her fingers lower to his belly button, Erika enjoyed seeing how his breath trembled in his belly. It gave her a hot shiver that crossed her spine and nested right into her abdomen, giving her the primal need to lower herself and leave a deep bite mark on his belly. Before she could get distracted over, her fingers cruised back up across his sides and ribs, feeling every bone under her fingertips, counting them.

Erika leaned down on him and, before he could move his arms to reach for her, she gently interceded him and made him bend them over his head. A confident smirk on her lips as she looked at him as she crossed his wrists and pinned him down, looking at him like he was his most precious possession.

“Do not move. Can you do that for me, Kyle?”

“Yes,” his voice was bent in a whimper that made her thoughts fog up.

“Good boy,” Erika rewarded him with a kiss on the lips and then moved on his neck. Her hand clawed around his jaw, pushing his head up, making him expose as much of his throat as possible just so she’d have free access to it.

She kissed and nibbled over his soft skin, having to assert the utmost control over herself so as not to leave visible marks. Even though marking him was the only thing she could think about. It was possessive, maybe wrong even, and yet, she wanted his skin to present the traces of her nails, teeth and hickeys.

Kyle moaned and stretched underneath her, bucking his hips up at her, trying to find some kind of release, as she sucked his soft skin into her mouth. It was enough to send them both insane. Erika passed her tongue from the base of his neck up to his chin. Feeling his Adam’s apple move under her muscle made her growl like a feral animal.

She then moved down across his body. Her lips moved to his shoulders as she nibbled on his collarbones and down his chest, where she enjoyed toying with his nipples, licking and sucking, only bringing him to arch underneath her and huff, blinded by pleasure.

“You need to stay still for me, baby,” she hinted as she moved down on him, crossing his abdomen with the tip of her nose.

Kyle still arched underneath her, extremely reactive to her touch.

God. And she hadn’t even got to his cock yet. She wondered what kind of little whimpers he would have offered as soon as she did.

Her hands moved across his hips and followed the edge of his jeans, moving slowly to the buckle of his belt. She looked up at him, making sure to study his reaction so she could stop if he froze again.

He didn’t. He hissed instead, arching and throwing his head backwards, letting her have a perfect view of his stretched-up body caged by the invisible chains of her will.

“Give me permission to take your pants off, baby,” she begged.

Kyle looked down at her, looking pretty and desperate, lust glimmering through his beautiful light eyes. “Yes,”

Erika started to undo his belt; her savvy fingers had no trouble with the buckle. “And then,” she started, looking back up at him, “I want to take you into my mouth. Would you like that, baby?”

Kyle let his head fall back, his chest trembled in a small whimper.

“Use your words, pretty boy,”

“Please, Erika,” he whispered, still keeping his hands above his head like he was tied down. “Yes. Do whatever you like to me.”

Erika acted frantically like her life depended on that moment. She opened his jeans and pulled them down on his hips, not letting herself look at him. Not just yet. She wanted to savour it. She pulled them down his legs, helped by him lifting his waist. They giggled innocently to each other.

Finally, once he was naked under her, Erika slid her hands across his thighs, feasting on his body.

A proud grin crossed her plump lips as she shamelessly looked at his erection. “What a nice surprise,” she teased, biting down on her lip, “such a big pretty boy with a big pretty cock,” she spaced her words willingly, adoring seeing him hang from her lips.  

Kyle was flustered, red all over his face and neck, and breathless, but didn’t hide from her. There was a certain level of expectation and ego hiding behind his curiosity. He wished to be praised. “All yours.”

His words crossed her like a spike, hitting her straight into her lower abdomen, and making her tremble. She felt her inside squeeze under the desperate pressure of feeling him inside of her. She had never experienced desire quite like that before.

“Mine.” She agreed.

His virgin skin was milky pale, making her feel the savage need to bite down on him, nibbling along his leg and up to his hipbone. A desire she gave into and responded to Kyle’s little whimpers with moans of her own.

She looked up at him, making sure he was just as lost in the moment as she was, as her lips traced across his lower abdomen. Erika was attentive as she rolled her hand around his cock, allowing Kyle to settle down into her touch. He flinched, but almost immediately relaxed under her, releasing a pleasureful sigh. Erika gently squeezed him in her palm, rolling her hand across his length.

A sharp smile crossed her lips. “Did I get your dick wet?” It was a rhetorical question. He was, in fact, wet, so to speak. But she still wanted to see him nod for her. “You are so fucking desperate; I haven’t even done anything yet.” Her hand followed her words across his cock as she dared to kiss its base, feeling the need to have a little taste of him.

Kyle moaned shamelessly. “I-” he tried to formulate words that only escaped him, mixing with whimpers.

She had never heard a prettier sound.

“What, baby?”

“Please, Erika, I can’t take it anymore,”

She was the one who whimpered now. Having him begging under her made her go feral.

Erika looked up at him, nodding. “I want you to do something for me,”

“Anything,”

“You are free to move your hands now. I want you to grab my hair as I suck on you. And I want you to pull it. And I want you to push me down on you anytime you want to go deeper into my throat.”

“Fuck-” he choked.

“Can you do this for me, baby?”

“What if I choke you?”

“God, baby,” she flicked her tongue along his length, stealing another moan and all of his focus out of him. “That’s the entire point. I want to choke on your cock.”

Kyle sounded like he could cry and she was done wasting time.

She knew well he wouldn’t have lasted long. And she was intentioned to milk every drop of the pleasure of his first time out of him. But she also wished to take it as slow as possible, just like he asked.

Erika traced his length, base to tip, with her tongue and then, she gently took him into her mouth, again allowing him to get used to the feeling of her hot mouth around him. Kyle moaned loudly, not losing a second to slip both his hands into her hair, grabbing on it more to brace himself than to control her movement. As he looked down at her, his mouth was open, pretty lips puffed and wet, his face bent in pleasure.

When she started sucking on him, Kyle was completely gone. He let his head fall backwards on the pillows and arched underneath her, whimpering and softly moaning to her every movement. Erika slid her hands up his chest, digging her nails into his skin, as she took him a little deeper into her mouth with every thrust.

Kyle followed his instinct, Erika’s lips closed around the base of his dick and he, holding her head firmly in between his hands, pushed himself as deep as possible into her throat. A shiver crossed as she felt him so deep inside of her. She released a suffocated moan that slipped right through him, shaking Kyle too.

“Fuck, baby I’m-” he gasped for air, “so close.”

Erika pulled back, releasing him and catching her breath. Looking up at him, she whipped out another sharp grin. “Do you want me to stop?” she wondered only pretending to be innocent. She had no intention of stopping.

“Not a chance,” Kyle then surprised her. He grinned too and, pulling on her hair, he hinted to her to climb back over him. “You are still wearing clothes,” he whispered as soon as she was close enough for him to kiss her.

Kyle took over. He moved her hair out of the way and kept a hand dug deep into it. She started to suspect he liked it to hold her like that. And Erika had no complaints about it. Erika threw her arms around his shoulders, enjoying his initiative. With his free hand, Kyle guided her to go back straddling him and then wrapped his arm around her hips, pushing her to sit as close to him as humanly possible.

His erection pressed on her hot core, making her head spin. It was the first moment she realised what kind of mess she was already. Her pleasure had been forgotten for a second, but now, she realised she had soaked her pants. Erika released a soft moan into his mouth as she rubbed herself against him, only giving him a hint of what to expect. She wanted to drive them both insane.

Kyle’s fingers squeezed the material of her large t-shirt, he then tugged at it and pulled it up on her figure. Erika helped him remove it and then welcomed how he moved on her with a giggle. Her body moulded on him as Kyle kissed her neck, down to her collarbones and shoulders, and lower again. His warm hands were quicker to cup her breasts, squeezing them; he followed quickly, not losing a second to suckle on her tits.

Erika’s head fell heavy as his tongue played with her hard nipples. Her stomach was invaded by a heavy wave of pleasure that slipped through her, making her skin feel tight as she stretched against him, looking to find release. A louder moan escaped her lips, only prompting him to grunt on her.

“Look at you,” she whispered brushing her smile on his forehead. “Little virgin pretty boy knows what he’s doing, uh?”

Kyle shamelessly bit her nipple, in return to her words, and then offered a cocky smirk. “I know some stuff.”

“Clearly,” she smiled, pushing a finger under his chin making him lift his face. “Can I fuck you, now?”

He trembled under her touch; his fingers squeezed her hips as he softly nodded. “Yes. I’d like that.”

“Yes, you would, baby.”

Erika downed on his lips, trapping them into a kiss. She caged his head between her arms and squeezed him against her as if she could push him into her chest and never let him go.

Kyle’s fingers hooked on the band of her booty shorts and pulled on them, teasing her. To which Erika reacted moving her hips, rubbing herself on him.

She broke their kiss, trying to catch her breath and think clearly, even though common sense still escaped her. It was too hot, he was too sweet and inebriating, and the tequila didn’t help.

“Ok,” she huffed, “do you know how it’s going to work?”

“I have access to the internet, babe. I’ve seen porn before.”

Erika smirked, shaking her head as they both blushed. “Ok, little smartass, don’t get an attitude with me,” she poked his chest, “or I’ll make you regret it and beg until you apologise to me.”

Kyle smiled, so smitten as he looked at her. “You like having control, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do.” That being said, she pulled his hair, making him bend his head for her. “I’ll give you a pass because I am about to take your virginity,” only thinking about that made her stomach tremble, “but remember it next time. A brat gets punished.”

Kyle still smiled, testing her. “Careful, I might decide to punish you, one day.”

A shiver crossed her. They had no future, she was aware, and yet she hoped for it. She wished that one day, he’d make her whine and moan desperately under his control. “Let’s see if you can take it from me, pretty boy.” She decided she rather keep pretending that was only the beginning for them.

Erika pushed him down on the mattress and then got rid of her shorts, throwing them somewhere in the room. She was quick climbing back on him and, as soon as she did, she grabbed Kyle’s cock, massaging it into her palm and silencing whatever he was going to say. “You are so hard for me, baby.”

Kyle hissed, nodding as his hands cruised on her thighs. He bit hard on his lower lip, looking so pretty underneath her, it was insane. Erika pushed him against her bare core, rubbing herself against him and immediately was shaken by a wave of pleasure, feeling how hot and heavy his flesh was. “Do you feel how wet you got me?”

He whimpered softly, looking down at their bodies meeting. “Fuck, Erika,”

Every time he called for her name, she felt transported to another dimension.

“Feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Yes. God, yes.”

“Come here, baby. Sit up for me,” she suggested and was ready to catch him as soon as he did as she asked. She rolled an arm around his shoulders, keeping him as close as possible. She needed it. She had no intention of having an inch of space in between them as she took him deep inside of her. “I want you so bad.” Erika brushed her lips on his chin, accompanying her words rubbing herself against him once more.

Kyle trembled under her and then hissed, nodding. “Me too. Please, just fuck me.”

She didn’t let him ask her again. She was done waiting and teasing. It was time and there was no going back. She was already his. And he was hers. Only for that night.

Erika lifted her hips and positioned herself on him. She looked straight into his eyes, getting lost in them as she slowly lowered herself on his erection, taking him inch by inch as slowly as she could. Pleasure shot through her immediately, connecting her to him on a deeper level. She mirrored his expression as Kyle opened his mouth, welcoming feeling her squeezing on him and taking his virginity with a silent moan. She wasn’t quiet. He was shaken by a shiver as pain and pleasure mixed through him.

Erika sat still on him, giving him the time to process how it felt. He stretched her nicely, making her feel breathless. A proud smile quickly followed as she nodded, encouraging him. “Good boy,” she whispered, kissing the sides of his mouth, hugging him. “Pretty, sweet boy. All mine.” Erika kept lulling, getting lost in their moment.

When she moved on him, she watched him take a deep breath and hold it in his chest. Pleasure was slipping through her, making it so difficult for her not to get selfish and just take what she wanted.

“Tell me how it feels, Kyle.” Her words were accompanied by another slow thrust.

He rolled his eyes in the back of his skull as a small whimper shook his chest. “You feel-” his words were choked, “Hot. And wet. And so damn tight I can’t breathe.”

“Good?” She wondered brushing her lips across his forehead and down his nose, enjoying how he moved under her, responding to her naturally.

“So, so, good, baby.”

Erika hid her proud smile into his lips, kissing him deeply.

“I will go faster now, is that ok?”

“Please,”

Erika proceeded to ride him, bucking her hips up and down his cock with increasing speed, following the pleasure quickly mounting into her lower abdomen and spreading through her as he stroked her most sensitive spot inside of her. She didn’t care about being quiet anymore. On the contrary, she was as vocal as possible. She wanted him to hear exactly what he was doing to her.

She held onto his shoulders as her pleasure only grew, making her fingers claw. She dug her nails into his flesh, willingly leaving marks across his back.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” she cooed to his ear, enjoying the little noises he made in response.

“I am so close,” he whispered sounding so desperate it sent her feral.

“Do you want to come, pretty boy?” She wandered making him look at her.

Kyle nodded, letting her see how the pleasure of being lost inside of her shaped his face.

Erika pulled his hair, making him bend his head backwards and riding him mercilessly, determined to take what she wanted. Every drop of it. “Then let it go,”

He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing his fingers on every inch of skin he could grab. He pulled down on her hips, burying himself as deep inside of her as humanly possible.

“Kyle,” she welcomed him with a moan, letting her head fall backwards. She felt him in her stomach. He choked the breath out of her chest and she loved every second of it. To the point, she started wondering how she could have got back to normality.

Kyle quivered underneath her. His breath was shaken and broken, as he erratically mumbled her name, chanting it like a prayer. And then she felt him get stiffer as pleasure shook him. He found his release quickly and violently, suffocating a loud moan into the crook of her neck and letting himself go in between her arms.

Erika felt him unload inside of her; she felt every inch of him shake in waves of pleasure, that crossed straight into her flesh, pushing her over the same edge. Her pleasure caught both by surprise. She didn’t count on coming. Not the first time anyway. Instead, her orgasm mounted violently inside of her just a moment after him. Erika came calling his name in a soft whimper, praising him and cradling him into her arms. Her quivering body squeezed him into overstimulation, making him extremely reactive to her spasms, as he gifted her with small, pretty whines, not daring to push her away but letting her ride her high.

“Fuck,” she whispered, trying to catch her breath, “you are pretty good for a good, little, virgin boy.” Erika pressed grateful kisses on his forehead and cheeks, not hiding her proud, lovestruck smile.

“I can be even better,” Kyle looked up at her, so devoted she felt his gaze into her heart. His hands cupped her face as he pulled her into a soft kiss. “You know,” he began, stroking her softly, “what I feel for you, don’t you?”

Erika had to fight against the need to hear him say it. She knew. She knew so well. Her heart sang for him. She didn’t need his words to know that if she was ready to fall he’d be there to catch her. But she couldn’t afford to hear it. Erika pressed her fingers on his lips, gently shutting him up. “Whatever, you know? Don’t say it, Kyle.”

“Why?”

“Because if you say it, I’ll have to say that I do too. And that won’t be fair.”

“We just had sex. You were my first. And somehow this is worse?”

“No. Not worse,” Erika kissed his lips softly, “I can deal with sex. I know sex. I don’t know feelings. Don’t say it, Kyle, please.” She sounded so desperate.

“Ok,” the look he sent her was just as intense, “Whatever.”

Later, that same night, Kyle laid heavily on her, fast asleep. He passed out pretty quickly after their third round. Which was another surprise he had in store for her, just like the amount of pleasure he was able to give her. He was a quick, eager learner.

She wouldn’t have forgotten that night easily. Surprisingly, the good sex her little virgin pretty boy gave her wasn’t the only reason.

Erika was lost in the quietness surrounding them. Time had slowed down. She listened to his soft snoring and softly played with his hair with one hand and stroked his back with the other. His head was nested on her chest, arms caging her under him.

It was pretty good, she thought. It was something she so desperately wanted to get used to.

Maybe, she should have revised her entire plan. Maybe, she could have stood up to her brother and faced the consequence of accepting to be in love with that sweet boy. It could have worked. She could, maybe, deserve to be happy. If only-

Erika brushed her lips softly on Kyle’s forehead. “I love you,” she whispered ever so softly. A secret no one else could know.

The bright sun flooded the room. The morning was well started as birds sang outside, traffic flowed on the road by the hotel and people walked up and down the rooms, closing doors and dragging suitcases.

But the same couldn’t be said for the occupants of the bed. Erika was oblivious. Lost in her lazy slumber, drowning in soft pillows and even softer arms. She had woken a couple of times already but had decided to roll over and ignore responsibilities, only finding Kyle’s arms ready to hug her and pull her in a deeper, warmer hug. Why would she ever consider waking up when the alternative was that sweet?

A singing maid pushed her wonky trolley through the corridor. Erika vaguely heard it creak as it moved. But it was when it got slammed carelessly against the wall just outside her door that she was finally startled awake.

As Erika jumped up, Kyle too moved, rolling on his back and taking a deep breath in. Senses came back slowly to her at first; she had a second to recollect her memories, the room looked just as messy as she was used to having it, but she knew she wasn’t home, she was in a hotel somewhere in England. Essex maybe? Or Suffolk, it didn’t matter much. Then Erika was hit by a massive headache that weighed her head down. She felt it in her teeth. Behind her eyes. Under her ears. Into her fingertips and toes. Her stomach twisted.

“Ugh,” she hissed, letting herself fall back on the mattress, covering her eyes with her arm.

“’orning,” Kyle mumbled, stretching on the mattress next to her. “Did you sleep well?”

It took her a second longer to remember everything else. Mark. Kyle. The sex. The feelings. Panic started to set inside of her, making adrenaline fire up in her veins, giving her the familiar fight-or-flight feeling she was so used to dealing with running.

“Shit,” she kicked her sheets off, jumping off the bed looking for something, anything, to wear to cover herself up.

Kyle sat up, frowning, rubbing his hands on his face.

Erika took a moment to look at him, not even realising she had stopped only to think how pretty he was just awake, skin kissed by the sun. Or maybe it was everything they shared that made her want to drop everything else, slip back into bed and let him know how much she had no intention of letting him go, ever.

“What is it?” He wondered, leaning his head to the side, puzzled.

Erika got shaken back into reality and went back to her hasted movements. “You weren’t supposed to sleep here all night,” she warned directly looking at him.

“OK? So?”

“Get up,” Erika threw his t-shirt back at him. “You went M.I.A. all night, you know what that means? Mark has probably lost his mind by now.”

Kyle shook his head. “I don’t care, I am an adult. He’ll be fine.”

“No. He won’t.” Erika shook her head, “Trust me, Kyle. He won’t. Not about this.”

Kyle shook himself awake, trying to connect her words to a deeper meaning, even though his face remained only puzzled. “Slow down,” he hinted, moving to the edge of the bed to grab her by the arm and stop her erratic moving around. Kyle pulled her closer to him, and, against her better judgment, she let him. “Explain what’s going on to me, please?”

“I am kicking you out.” Erika sighed sadly. “And Mark can never know this happened,” she pointed in between them, “He won’t forgive me, ever. He doesn’t want me to be with you. He made it pretty clear last night.”

“Is that what happened at the pub? Why you left?”

“Yeah,”

“Erika,” Kyle tried to catch her gaze, “I don’t care what Mark thinks, I want to be with you.”

“No. You don’t. I have a past. I did terrible things. Mark knows every single one of those things. He knows better what’s good for me. You might be good for me, there’s hardly a person you wouldn’t be good for. But I am not good for you. He’s right on that.”

“Do I get an opinion about this?”

Erika looked up into his eyes, silently begging him to stop. “Please, Kyle, don’t go there.”

“Hey, hey,” Kyle cupped her face, making her look at him, trying to scoop her out of her panic. “I don’t care about all of that. Whatever you were before I met you won’t change the girl I fell for now. You don’t want to tell your brother? Fine by me. Just tell me you are ok.”

“I’m,” Erika was ready to slip off his hold and yet, somehow, there was something in his gaze that hooked her. “I’m ok,” she whispered leaning in to give him a quick kiss, “But you need to go.”

“Ok,” Kyle still pulled a cheeky smile, pulling her into a kiss. Then, he hopped off the bed and back into his clothes. “I’ll see you at breakfast?”

“Food. God, yes. Let’s hope we’ll be on time for it.”

He still hung by the door, looking back at her. His lips were bent in a stupid smile, his gaze, as he looked at her, was completely smitten. “For what is worth, I am glad we did what we did.”

She stood by a forked road; she was looking at her options and felt like both led to ruin. One represented something sweeter, that would have hurt so much more when everything would have gone up in flames. The other was jumping into the void now.

Erika was well aware of what she had been telling herself all night. She knew what she was supposed to do. What she thought was the best course of action. And yet, now, standing there, she was just a lovestruck girl, looking at a boy she liked so much her chest hurt only thinking about it. It was hard to breathe. She told herself she would have been able to shake herself back to normal. She was convinced she could have scratched that itch for him and then go at breaking his heart as if nothing mattered. Except she lied.

Her itch to scratch was only becoming bigger. About a lifetime size, right now. How would one shake that?

“Me too,” she admitted, pulling a soft smile. “Now go, you idiot,” she chuckled, hinting at the door. “I’ll see you later.”

As soon as Kyle left the room and Erika was left alone, her despair and torment took over her, stripping her of every good feeling and intention that was giving her a shred of hope.

She wasn’t going to be able to make him happy. Maybe for a few weeks, it would have worked, but not for long. She wasn’t enough for him. She would have never been enough, and when Kyle realised that too, it would have been the end of her. She was addicted to how he made her feel, now, because he didn’t know who she had been before and made her feel so good about everything she was and did. But what about when he’d look at her with regrets and resentment, realising he had made a mistake trusting someone like her?

Erika forced herself to shove those thoughts to the side and got in the shower, doing her best to delay the panic attack she felt mounting into her chest.

Breathing in the steam and getting lost in the soft smell of her fresh shower gel that always reminded her of a shower took in the evening after a long summer day spent at the beach was reassuring. She let the hot water run across her skin. It was a compromise between the sadness of washing away the traces of the night she spent with Kyle and the relaxation her tensed nerves found.

By the time she was done with the shower and brushed her teeth, it was almost ten o’clock and Erika had barely time to dress up and ran out of her room if she wanted to catch the breakfast. She needed it. She realised that besides a few chips and the tequila she drunk last night, she had been fasting since lunch the day before. She needed to eat some solid food, to drink a coffee and possibly some orange juice. God, she hoped to find some.

Erika entered the restaurant on a trot, welcoming the familiar smell of the breakfast canteen every hotel seemed to have with a soft smile. Most tables were being cleaned up. Most food from the buffet was gone, like the fresh pastries. But she made it. Nothing else mattered. She could see the filter coffee pot on the side and thought “life is good”.

She turned over, looking into the room, finding both Mark and Kyle sat at a table by the window. The table was a mess. Mark sat in front of Kyle, he had several stacked-up plates in front of him, already empty, probably from a while, and was enjoying some coffee, while Kyle was deep into his full breakfast. They were chitchatting joyfully, big smiles on both their faces. And Erika took a moment to just enjoy seeing them like that. She wished she had her camera on her. They were both so beautiful and without a worry in the world.

Her chest ached.

As soon as she moved, Kyle caught a glimpse of her and his eyes didn’t leave her. His cheeks immediately blushed softly as his bright eyes glimmered. There was something, in his gaze, that couldn’t be mistaken. He looked like someone who’d seen her naked. He gifted her a large smile as she approached the table.

“Hey,”

“Good morning,” Erika avoided eye contact, pushing her damp hair behind her ear as if that could mask the guilty look she had on her face. She knew Mark was looking at them, she felt his eyes suspiciously moving on her.

“Saved you the last croissant,” Kyle pushed the little plate with the golden pastry cooked to perfection closer to her.

Erika wanted to smack him, and at the same time, everything she wanted to do was to kiss him and express her utmost devotion to his sweet concern. She had to bite her tongue not to. Not when Mark was there.

They had no chance of trying to hide anything from her brother.

“Thanks,” again, she ignored Kyle as much as she could. Clearing her voice, she finally looked at Mark, finding him waiting. He read right through her. Erika immediately looked away, regretting every decision she took in the last twenty-four hours. “Ok, then, I’ll go grab myself some coffee.”

She turned over, leaving them both and went hiding at the buffet counter, weighing her options.

She could have made a run for it; the door was just to her left. Maybe there was a way to never face the consequences of her actions. Cowardice, for sure. But also, she felt it could have been easy to pack her stuff, drop her job and disappear. After all, how many times did she think about it before?

Erika made herself a glass of orange juice and gulped it down and then made another.

No. That was ridiculous. She could never do that.

Fake even when brought up in front of the crushing evidence that she was, in fact, in love with Kyle and nothing could erase what they did last night? Yes. That was better.

Erika poured herself a cup of black filter coffee, wondering if it would have tasted just as disgusting as any other hotel breakfast buffet filter coffee.

“The fuck is up with you two!?”

Mark’s sudden interruption startled her enough that she almost dropped her cups. “Shit, mate, you scared me.”

He casually poured himself a cup of coffee, even though Erika suspected that was just an excuse to get closer to her. “Don’t deflect, sis. What did you do?”

“Nothing,” she lied, shrugging.

Mark grumbled, shaking his head, so disappointed in her he didn’t even need to say anything to hurt her. “The way he looks at you it’s not nothing. And since when you are fucking shy!? C’mon, cut the crap.”

“What do you want me to say!? If I look at him you come at me because I do. And if I don’t you still-”

“Hey,” Mark pointed a finger in her face, “you think I am an idiot? I know you. What did you do!? Are you trying to stand up to me or something, playing with him in the process?”

Erika put her cups down and decided there and then that she was done. She wasn’t a coward who’d run away so easily or ignored the situation forever. Not anymore.

Anger flooded straight through her, firing up her nervous system, and making her squeeze her fists. “You think so little of me?”

“I think I know you. I think I’ve seen enough of your little whims and games. I think I don’t want to see you play with him and end up ruining him, just like you do with everything.”

“Mark,” Erika gasped, hit deeply by his words, shaking her head. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Can you blame me, sis?”

“You are supposed to be in my corner,” she was the one pointing at him now, openly confronting him. “You are supposed to support me.”

“Not with Kyle, I don’t. We both know you’ll get tired of him so quickly. As soon as you are done getting your ego fed by how differently he treats you, you’ll go back to seeking the thrill like you always do. Just leave him alone.”

“Say it,” she hissed. “Say how you think a good-for-nothing, junky, slut like me will never deserve someone like him. I fucking dare you.”

Mark huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’ll never say that to you.”

“Well, you already did. You are thinking about it. Might as well use the real words you are thinking, uh? Have the guts to go all the way, at least.”

“Fine,”

Erika gasped, feeling the air being taken out of her chest. She hoped until the end he wouldn’t agree with her. She gave him the benefit of the doubt, grasping on her last shred of trust in her brother, that he’d never go so low. And yet, she was wrong.

Of all the people in her life, even Kyle, Mark was the one most capable of destroying her.

And he just did.

“Fuck you,” Erika fought back her tears, not intentioned to give him the satisfaction to see how deeply he just hurt her. “Anything that will happen now it’s your fault. I want you to know. I want you to feel it. And regret it.”

“Erika,”

The second he tried to hold her, she pushed him back, spitting in his face. “No. You fucking bastard. You don’t get to annihilate me and shit all over everything I have done in my life, the good and the bad, in one minute, and then feel better about it.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What are you going to do?”

“Break his fucking heart for one. I could have made him happy. Maybe,” this time she didn’t hide her tears. “But you had to happen to me. I hate you. And then I am going to shoot some heroin,” Erika smiled maniacally, “Hope to die in the process and stay on your fucking conscience forever,”

Pushing Mark off again, Erika stormed out, too shaken to even consider staying, too distraught to remember about her hunger or dehydration. Who cared about those things? They weren’t important anymore.

She needed to think. She needed space. She needed a smoke so bad.

“Erika, wait,”

“Kyle, get fucked,” she hissed, not stopping her march through the lobby.

“Baby, hold on,” he caught up on her easily and tried to grab her, only for Erika to immediately fight him too.

“What!? What do you want from me, Kyle!?”

Her harsh tone clearly hurt him. Part of her wanted to apologise and hold him and let him hold her and give her all the love and support he had in him. But the rest of her didn’t allow it. She wouldn’t have allowed anyone to hurt her like Mark did. She couldn’t trust anyone, ever. It would have made her only vulnerable. Weak.

Hurting Kyle got rid of the problem. He was the only person left who saw something in her. She sure didn’t anymore. And hurting him would have hurt Mark, just like he deserved.

It didn’t matter how much it would have hurt her. She was already in hell by that point, reliving everything she had done, everything she was and wondering why she ever tried to become better when there was no chance for her.

“I need to make sure you are ok.”

“Well, I am not ok. Do you know why? Because of you. Do you want to know what!?” She burst out, “I didn’t want to say anything before because I didn’t want to hurt you, but I want nothing more to do with you. We had sex, it was fun, thanks, I needed it. And now I got what I wanted and you lost your shine to me.”

“You don’t mean that, I know you don’t.”

“Watch me meaning it.” She turned over, walking out of the hotel, only to grumble when she realised Kyle was still there. “Stop following me around like a lost puppy,”

“Erika, stop for a second, will you?”

“Why?” She did stop. And she did face him. Ready to regret everything she was going to do from there to a minute time. “So that I can look you in the eye and tell you I don’t want to see you anymore? I’ve got everything you had to give and I am done now?” Erika’s conviction in the terrible things she was saying was so true all her lies seemed real. Even to her, for a second. Enough for her not to feel her chest being ripped apart by her own hands. The world was going up in flames around her and she was ready to dance in it. “I don’t need a lost little boy who still has to learn everything in my life. I need myself a man.”

“I-” he stumbled in his own words, genuinely hurt now.

“Make everyone a favour and go back to your silly little life, playing pretend on rings in small gyms in forsaken places around the country, and leave me alone,” she dismissed him turning around, digging into her hoody pocket in search of her cigarettes. “Go back to Mark.”

She knew it took him some time to decide to retreat back inside and when Kyle finally did leave her alone, Erika felt free to let her pain slash through her. Her shoulders bent under the weight of the rubbles of her crumbling world. Hope was lost. And she found some sort of comfort in her despair. It was something familiar that she welcomed like an old friend.

She cried quietly, hiding behind a corner, finishing her cigarette, hanging desperately on the nicotine fix like it was her only lifeline. When she was done, she immediately lit herself another and waited. She wasn’t enjoying it. She wasn’t taking the moment in and soaking under the morning sun, enjoying the warm air smelling of spring. The only thing she wanted to do was to run. She was only taking a second to gather her nerves up and make a plan.

Maybe it was time to disappear. Maybe it was time to go home. Who did she think to fool? She wasn’t so strong as she thought. She would have never escaped her past. It would have always ended up that way.

[princelegacy]

Gen 1 LALO Mag #1: Whatever!

Travis: I don't even know what I wanna talk about.

Poppy: I know. Who's mom's favorite?

T: [scoffs] Doc.

P: Doc doesn't count, he's still a child.

T: Well, then me, I guess? Sorry.

P: You're dad's favorite, that's not up for debate. But mom, she seems so... unfocused on us [laughs] that sounds so terrible!

T: [laughing] What's your point?

P: Like I feel like she doesn't have a favorite because she's actually focusing on her fifth try at a career.

T: Yeah... also maybe it's good if she doesn't have a favorite.

P: What about you, who's your favorite?

T: What's with these crazy questions?

P: You're right. Imagine if we both said the same parent and then they read this.

T: I know! Love you, mom.

P: [cackles]

T: So I found out about this the other day: our house used to be dad's parents' house. Would you live here with your own family?

P: Uh, yes?

T: Really!?

P: I can't imagine being able to afford any other house, bro. Like, do you think dad wanted to live here, or did he not have a choice?

T: I guess that's fair... but I can't say I'd live here. I'd definitely sell.

P: That's 'cause you're gonna die a virgin. Who needs three bathrooms if you're not even going to shower every day?

T: That's not... you're acting so weird. I'm clean and I've had girlfriends. Plural. I wanna change the subject. Would you rather have your dream job or your dream home?

P: I don't know what my dream job would be... I actually think making teenagers choose a career is so toxic. Let me live my life, I don't even dress the same way I did a week ago, maybe I don't know what I wanna do with the rest of my life.

T: So, it's dream home for you?

P: The whole point is that the question isn't fair!

T: It's not like I'm asking you to promise to follow through, Poppy. It's just a hypothetical question.

P: I guess I'd rather be a famous actress than live in a mansion.

T: Right? I could literally sleep on the floor if it meant playing for the Willow Creek Team at the Simulympics. Plus, most of the stuff that goes into houses is unusable anyway, our house is full of plants you can't water, empty cookie jars and magazines you can't read.

P: I feel like we don't leave the house nearly enough, we've been to the park like... once. Like I learned how to play chess there and I've played it just once.

T: I would actually smoke you at chess.

P: Oh, really? I need to practice, though, I haven't played since I was a child.

T: Loser buys the winner boba?

P: You're on!

EDITORS NOTE: Travis Prince has issued a statement that even though he won, he still paid for the teas.

[bengiyo]

My School President Ep 5 Stray Thoughts

I'm so glad to be back with this show. Thankfully we took a break at what felt like the end of an act. I'm still not over the pinky clasp from the last episode, and am very excited to see where the acknowledged attraction takes these boys next. Also, I really like Sound as a character, and hope he causes more complications.

Ah, a jaded school counselor. Time to think about the future and face the reality that your dream job might not be attainable or give you the life you want.

I like this opening scene. It's very stylish. Placing all of the students in the same framing reinforces the common experience for all of the characters. It's easy to see how a counselor ends up feeling this way, when you watch so many students' lives take a different turn.

Also, Mark Pakin is really good.

Poor Gun. He was having a lot of fun with his friends and staring into the middle distance, but now he has to accept that maybe they're not as committed to music as him.

I'm still floored by the opening song being a torch passed down to this club about how they have each other's backs. It's still affecting me this week.

It's a bit subtle, but I like the way Gemini is playing Tinn as more relaxed about approaching Gun now. Fourth does a good job responding so quickly to it as if it's a matter of fact now. They're a solid pair.

Gun didn't ask, but I want to know what Tinn is interested in as a profession.

Time to revive the #they are literally always flirting tag

The mom's collapsed is executed really well here. The boys are just flirting as they do before the jarring crash behind them. As with all major life events, they happen suddenly and without warning.

She collapses like this all the time? What the hell??

Of course Tinn is going to offer to help his prospective boyfriend and hopefully-future mother-in-law. Gun's little appreciative smile is all the reward our simp needs.

Tinn's characterization is so consistent. He's at his best, bravest, and most endearing when he's helping. Gun is getting a bit nervous, so Tinn suggests a practice dish. Gun gets nervous about how good it is, so Tinn just takes a big bite. Gun is clearly enamored as a result.

Oh ho! Our first signs of mild jealousy and possessiveness from Gun. He was very polite about telling those girls to back off. Kaojao (SCOY) would be proud.

Again, Tinn is finally comfortable enough with Gun that he's only amused when Gun clings to him when the lights went off, and is able to teasingly deflect about how much devotion he's shown.

Ah, the answer to my question: Despite his hardworking nature, Tinn doesn't know what he wants for himself.

Gun loves his mom so much. It's lovely.

Oh no. Looks like the shop isn't doing so well. Gun's whole world is cracking apart.

Hey, Fourth is also pretty good. It felt like that was the first time he's said he'd cut our Hot Wave aloud, and we could see his heart break immediately.

Win's clicks on the controller don't match any gameplay I recognize. (I'm just being silly. I know he's acting.)

Our best boy Tiwson is gonna keep us focused on the prize.

I love Gun's mom. She absolutely knows that Tinn likes Gun, and is only nudging enough to make sure Gun doesn't give up on himself for her. We stan.

I am obsessed with Tinn's jogging outfit. Did they intentionally put him in almost-lesbian-flag colors?

The BL Juice has made its appearance.

Oh it's been a good minute since I've seen a piggyback ride.

Tiwson is going to fix this entire band. Now Por is getting a push.

Yes, boys, let's flirt over a fake interview.

RAP OF WAR CONTEST. Love this energy.

Sometimes you need a rival to make you determined enough to push past your stage fright. Curious where Win and Sound end up.

Is Tinn is a GMM office?? LOL

Oh, Tinn is lying to his mom now. I will remember this seed for later.

This producer looks a little bit like Alanis Morissette. Too bad she has to disappoint our boys.

His name is Winny Da Pooh. I'm going to ascend.

Sound isn't a total ass. Look at him saving Win and giving him a shove.

Oh no the sunshine boy is breaking down. It's always sad, but it really is one of the best parts of any drama.

Business Administration? Baby boy, no.

That's right, Mom. Rebuild your son with the power of music.

It's like Au watched Rainbow Prince and was PISSED that The Philippines beat them to a musical. I'm absolutely here for the whole cast singing. Love that we got the band back together.

But also, I wanted to hear Winny Da Pooh rap.

This show's comedic timing is genuinely funny. "I can put my mind at ease..." Into Gun running screaming into the room. Perfect.

Ah good. Gun now finally understands Tinn's motivations. Not an episode 5 kiss, but close to it on the moving forward phase.

[practically-an-x-man]

4, 8, 9, 11, 14, 18, 23 for Gia and Eris

Thank you!! Dude you're seriously my saving grace on this, I've been waiting all night to get asks for this one :D

OC Ask Game Time

4) What color or colors do you most associate with your OC?

Eris: Gold, ochre, crimson, and cobalt - the sorts of colors you'd see in ancient paints, historical signs of power, and the color of blood

Gia: Clover green, of course, but also a soft tulip pink and perhaps an earthy brown. Life, growth, new beginnings.

8) Greatest strength and greatest flaw about your OC?

Eris: Their greatest strength is their resilience. Above everything else, he will push through the struggles and survive. His greatest flaw is probably their emotional constipation, since it both damages the social bonds she does have and prevents them from making those connections in the first place.

Gia: Her greatest strength is her kindness. She's one of those people who's been through hell and never ever shows it, she's always got a kind word and a couch to crash on for those that need it. Her greatest flaw is her timidity - she's afraid of being crushed by life again, so she doesn't ever take risks, she lives by the same routine day-in and day-out.

9) What is your OC’s greatest wish/dream/goals?

Eris: Doesn't have a lot of long-running dreams or hopes, they really tend to take life as it comes and not worry much about what could be. If he's got one larger goal, it's to eventually abolish all human slavery in the world (through any, and she means any, means necessary). If they've got a smaller goal, it's to make their life with Rick as long and pleasant as they can while he's still around.

Gia: She just wants to live a normal life, and to put all this HYDRA business behind her. Her aspirations are mostly limited to keeping her shop comfortably afloat (perhaps to the point that she can hire someone to keep things running when the clover goes through a rough patch and she gets sick) and having enough left over for coffee and new books and maybe a few Broadway tickets.

11) What actor or voice actor do you see best playing as your OC?

Eris: I'm still torn between May Calamawy and Alia Shawkat, I like May's overall look a little better (and she'd get those fight scenes right for sure) but Alia has the freckles and I really see Eris with freckles like that

Gia: Zyra Gorecki! She's an amputee in real life, and she's got the right look for Gia outside that too

14) What about any siblings, do they have any and is their relationship good?

Eris: Doesn't have any "siblings" per say, but Diana/Wonder Woman is a bit like a cousin. She's always been seen as the golden child, always fighting for the good of humanity and all that, and Eris just tends to avoid her as much as he can. They don't really think about her all that much, but they do get annoyed to be compared to her. It's the one competition he's never been able to get ahead in, Diana will always be the better hero even if Eris ends up making more of a difference in the world as a whole.

Gia: I didn't imagine her with any siblings at first, but this question has got me thinking about it a little more... I could see her with an older sibling, maybe - they were close growing up, and the sibling set off for their big aspirations about the time Gia ended up in HYDRA, sibling thought she died and she was afraid to reconnect because so much had changed... I guess I'm seeing it a bit like your Siv and Esme dynamic. I need to think more on it, work out all the details.

18) What is your OC’s greatest fear?

Eris: I think they are genuinely, irrevocably terrified of time and don't even realize it. I mean, think about it - he leaves one country for another, comes back after what feels like only a few years to find that everyone she knew is dead, the cities don't look the same, the rules are different and they can never go back to what they remember.

So they leave that place... and every other place is like that. All they can do is bounce around in this same dance - so they're drawn to war because bloodshed is always the same, except then it's not, then there are guns and drones and battles fought through computers and the art of war is just another memory.

The only place that could ever be constant is Themyscira, and he doesn't want to go back there. It's both better and worse once he meets Rick: she's perpetually reminded of how fleeting time is, with his human lifespan, yet is encouraged to appreciate each individual day and year more than they did before (which lessens the feeling of time slipping away from them)

Gia: She's terrified of death, plain and simple. She came close to death too many times in HYDRA, and having her life force separated from her feels oddly more vulnerable than having it tied to her body - it's one thing to know that any car accident or stray bullet could end her life, it's another to think that someone could burn down her flower shop when she's not even home, and leave her screaming like she's on fire in the middle of the grocery store. It takes a lot to convince her to leave her shop at all, especially for longer than a few hours, since she's so afraid of something happening to her clover.

23) Is your OC religious and what religion? If it’s a fictional religion for your story please give a summary of the core teachings of their faith?

Eris: Grew up on Themyscira, which I suppose is somewhere between Ancient Greek and Modern Hellenistic, but has a general knowledge of most of the world's religions. She doesn't actively believe in any real higher power herself, but she's got a bit of an academic appreciation for how different parts of the world see religion.

Gia: This is another thing I'm torn about - I see her growing up in a highly academic, scientific family, which is part of how she ends up getting into HYDRA, so I don't feel like she'd grow up around religion. But I also think it could be interesting if she is religious, at least as an adult.... with nothing else to do while stuck in HYDRA, she found herself praying for her life, and surviving where the other test subjects died felt to her like a divine forgiveness. I think she'd have a very complicated grasp on religion, and I think it could be really fun to explore, but since I'm not religious myself I still need to try and work out all the kinks first

[enneamage]

my dream is to become a content creator, could I have the mage analysis/speech you were mentally drafting up for that other anon, pretty please? curious what you think about it

I might have overestimated how long I would need to go on for, but The Urgency was real. 

If this were more one-on-one, my impulse would be to walk people through their motivations for wanting to be a CC and being sure that those wants wouldn't get met easier somewhere else. It's very possible to truly want to Post, and I'm not trying to be the person who scares people off from their dreams, but if the motivation leans into a general "I want to feel like I make a difference in people's lives", that might be better served by another line of work. I'm saying this part in particular because I've heard people who grew up watching or looking up to CCs can have an outstanding sense of the positive impact that CCs can have on people, and can focus on that as a source of connection and meaning-making over other things. Being a CC can be very lonely, unstable and high-risk, so my impulse is to make sure people are sure what they're signing off on beforehand. 

I guess I think it's important to understand early on that being a CC is the gig economy wearing a wig. A lot of what drives people crazy is how conditional it turns out to be, the lack of stability seems to slowly wear on people's minds and ethics. Maybe it's not that much of a secret, but sometimes the survivor bias around the scene makes it look like it's something that people 'outgrow' as they get bigger, but that isn't fully the case. 

I guess this is the same speech I would give to anyone who wanted to go into 'creative performing' on some level, since "I want to be an actor/singer/writer" became "I want to be a CC" in early life stat gathering. It makes sense-- normal life can feel like there's no room to 'play' or be creative as an adult, so sometimes people come to think of doing something creative as a job as a way to preserve that in their lives. It can look like CCs have maximised freedom from the outside, but they're probably most vulnerable to the wants/needs of the market, and the 'doing your own hours' thing can easily become working all the time with no clear borders. It can be easy for your life and crativity to be co-opted by something you don't have as much control over as you would like. This is the point that I would want to make the clearest, since It's a tragic mistake to make a bid for freedom on one hand and then wind up stuck more consumed by the job than an office 9-to-5. It's a big bait and switch that people sign up for before they can see the other shoe drop, most people are stuck chasing results over fully being able to forge their own path.  

Being a CC also puts people in front of the court of public opinion in a way I'm sure you've seen if you're on this part of tumblr. People can be unfair, obscure in their reasoning, and hard to predict. Sometimes you'll even have to worry that your peers will go after you, which is a whole other thing. I wont go into this part as much since you probably already know, but this is also a big factor that I would want to warn people about. 

I don't know anything about your background, but my hobby is worrying about everybody, so don't take my fretting personally. Like being an actor, someone's gotta do it, and it's never impossible. It's probably enjoyable for the people who are deeply passionate and have a will to develop a talent for it. I just want to provide an alternate speech to the 'but what if it doesn't work out' lecture, since there are plenty of drawbacks that come from things working out 'perfectly' for an imperfect job too. 

[asterhaze]

Get to Know My OC

As always, thank you @doublegoblin for the tag.

Honestly, I love this OC and I really need you all to love him too. So here is more stupid sexy vampire (Aka Glen) nonsense from my WIP Masterpiece.

Are you named after anyone?

Well, I'm not sure. I suppose sometimes I am and sometimes I'm not. More often, I think I'm named similarly to someone I made someone think of. So, in a way, I probably am sometimes.

When was the last time you cried?

Being a vampire comes with so many benefits. I have watched nature be slowly chewed into towers of concrete and steel. I have watched as artificial light stole the night sky and swallowed the stars. I am stronger than any living man, yet I am helpless to stop the tarnished hands of humanity from strangling the life out of our planet. I have seen humanity gaze at the stars with every plan to abandon our home for worlds that we may never be able to reach in time. I see all of this with unchanging eyes, an ageless body, and a mind that will never mature beyond 25.

So on my birthday when I glanced at my reflection in still water and saw that I look the same as I did a few centuries ago, with no wrinkles to prove my worries or lines to show my fear, I cried. Because I'm so, so, so damn pretty.

I cried because I'm still pretty.

Do you use sarcasm?

Me? Never.

Do you have kids?

It's a possibility.

What's the first thing you notice about people?

I'm supposed to notice the same thing consistently? Well, that sounds awfully boring. Is there something you notice first about everyone you see? Is it because you're looking for that one thing every time, always first, then deciding the rest later based on that? Are you obsessed with eyeballs or something? Or hair color? Or hands?

What if you always notice eyeballs and then find someone who doesn't have any? Does that throw you off guard? Does that ruin your whole viewing experience? Does--

What's your eye color?

Navy blue.

Scary movies or happy endings?

I don't watch television, so happy endings.

Any special talents?

All talents become professions with practice. I've lived a long time and I've practiced many things. So, no. I wouldn't say I do.

Where were you born?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

What are your hobbies?

I read whenever I can.

Have you any pets?

No.

What sports do you play/have played?

Well, you see, I wait for a while until I think there will be a thunderstorm. Then I go outside with a small team, a few baseball bats, and-- I can't say that? I can't make jokes?

Fine.

No, I don't play sports.

Favorite subject in school?

Oh, sweetheart. I mean...to answer as closely to the question as possible without rambling...I'd say art.

Dream job?

I've never really sat down and thought about it. In my human years I just did what I had to. There was no aimless dreaming for things that I couldn't achieve. I just did and hoped for the best. Now I'm dead and money isn't an issue. But being unemployed with enough money to survive the rest of your life is a dream for a lot of people, so maybe that should be mine too.

[luvrodite]

well, your wish is my command - lets talk Aegon.

I find myself thinking of Aegon often, especially in a modern setting and as an older man. Maybe in his early thirties. Maybe because so much of the Aegon we see in the series is what TGC did with him, but I can't help but think that in a modern setting, if he was given the chance and maybe the right push, he'd be able to sort himself out. I live in London and there's this block of renewed flats ( beautiful really old victorian architecture) in south Kensington that I always imagine Aegon living in with Sunfyre, when I walk past.

I'm not entirely sure he'd be able to have a job, but I do think he'd have a creative streak (he can, he's living off generational wealth anyway ahah). I think he'd be clean and in therapy but still a mess most days. But I think he'd be doing the work, or at least trying.

I think he'd be kind, unless he was in one of his dark moods - if he is, in fact, in one of those moods - he's going to try and hurt the people closest to him.

Surprisingly, he's a good cook when he wants to be, but he is messy as fuck and the cleaner that comes once a week hates him.

The day he falls in love, it's going to be dramatic - he either finds someone really patient and level headed or he's fucked, because he cannot date someone like him (that's just gasoline added to the fire). But I think when he finds that person, he's going to be all in and it's going to be a trip! - beautiful and very difficult at times, but worth it. I'm talking anything between impromptu roadtrips to weekends locked away in the flat without leaving the bedroom. And have i mentioned the sex? It's a known fact that the man has a libido the size of Alaska and knows exactly what he is doing.

Because Aegon does not know anything but extremes (even if he's in therapy), he's going to struggle in any healthy relationship in the beginning - but with time, and care and patience he will understand that people won't always leave him.

I always imagine him and sunfyre in the early morning or early evening light, when it's quiet and not too bright. I think he would be a person of transitional, liminal spaces and times if that make sense (like sunrise and sunset, autumn and spring). Oh and he smokes, because he is an addict and that is a part of his personality that will never go away.

I also think he'd have a cottage somewhere in the highlands by the sea, and he'd spend a long time there, especially in the summer when the sun only sets around 10 or 11pm. He'd bring his partner there and I see an old farm house kitchen with copper pans and a big hearth. that's where he is happiest or at least the calmest, up there with sunfyre, someone he loves and no obligations. The whole premiss of this cabin was for him to write his memoir but needless to say the first three chapters have sat untouched in the study for five years now - maybe one day, who knows?

Annnnd I've just spammed you with the Aegon that lives rent free inside my head for some reason xD. Hope this at least makes you smile. :)

Oh and he roasts his own coffee because he's a nob. ahah

siri play london boy by taylor swift !

u are an angel and this is a work of art!!! your modern aegon is literally just describing my type (red flags and all that) but also i feel so envious of him! the generational wealth and being able to live as he pleases. i took a literature class a few years back about the fin de siècle and i think he would thrive in the age of decadence.

but also! the cottage! the peace and isolation in one!! what a dream!! i can imagine him there before he has a lover, and how it changes so much after he brings them into his life

i love that you imagine him in the quiet spaces of time, i feel like i agree that he would exist in those moments 100%. just. quiet. and him.

[heartmeadows]

I'm itching to play Sims 2 again aggfhhd! Last time I had it installed I had to give it up because of the dreaded pink soup. Idk how to fix it tbh. But once I have time I will try yet again. Here's hoping it goes well.

Anyway, a lil update on my life.

I'm not moving to the countryside with my mum after all. The biggest reasons being that I need to be able to go to therapy every week, and that my mum can't provide me with the support that I need and I also can't truly trust that I would be safe living with her because of her abusive boyfriend. Instead I'm moving back in with my dad and brothers, mostly because this is where I grew up and I feel safe and happy in our home. I get the support I need to be able to go through everything PTSD and the rest of my illnesses cause. Once I'm more stable I'll try to find my own apartment somewhere near or move in with my mum if things get better. We'll see. Right now I'm quite bitter having a mum that is unable to support me and keep me safe. She failed in both areas in a way that would make most people go no contact. Trauma sucks.

This was such a hard decision to make because it is my dream that I gave up on for now. It does hurt that I can't rely on my mum. I'm not victim blaming but her choosing an abuser over and over again is a conscious choice by now. I tried my best in keeping her safe and supporting her while trying to help her leave. She took him back again anyway. Even after he abused me as well. I know how manipulation and abuse of all kinds affects you and how difficult it is leaving. But I think a mother that doesn't protect her daughter when literally witnessing a partner abusing said daughter... Well, a mother like that is kind of fucked up. I honestly don't know how to even process this. I know this is kind of trauma dumping but I really needed to get this off my chest.

I'm focusing on myself now. I can't be my mum's therapist or savior anymore. I'm struggling with enough myself. PTSD certainly doesn't get easier to deal with when the amount of trauma one goes through since childhood is a number high enough I stopped counting a long time ago. It's embarrassing to be someone who's lived with abuse all her life. It's not right. It's terrifying when you really think about it. One traumatic event is already enough to deal with and does so much damage. Me? I feel like there's something wrong with me for experiencing plenty of traumatic events. I've survived but at what cost? If only I'd gotten the help I needed earlier. Ten years ago, or even earlier. Maybe it's stupid to mourn the loss of a whole different life, a different self. What could've been. What could've beens haunt me still. Nevertheless, I will find a way to make the most of this life and cultivate happiness, and keep growing so that I can be the person I need to be. It's silly, anyway, to regret something you had no control over. I need to learn how to live in the present and remember that while this life has been hard a lot of good has happened as well. There's so much beauty and joy still left all around. Hope lives no matter who believes in it.

[uozlulu]

Not super loving my current fic outline. I think I've got to make it even skimpier than I'm making it and then fill it in. So I'm going to put what I've got so far here just in case I want to rehab it later if taking a different approach doesn't work.

movie spoilers

0 Shared consciousness

Logan and Wade 0

The matter and anti-matter rip through Logan and Wade. They’re one mind, one body, one existence. They watch Logan’s life and then Wade’s life flash through their eyes. They can feel their bodies and souls breaking down and reforming. Everything seems to last an eternity and also no time at all. The pain is excruciating but somehow both of them have felt worse. When it’s over, they end up unconscious together in the wreckage still holding hands.

1. Hooks (believe a lie)

Logan 1

Logan can hear the music that plays from no discernable place. Admittedly this only started after the Time Ripper, but this could be normal for this universe for all he knows. Wade seems able to hear it too, so maybe it’s nothing to worry about.

Logan know he’s dying and he knows how much Wade cares for Vanessa because she took up a big chunk of the life flashbacks despite being there for like not even a quarter of Wade’s life. The Honda Odyssey knocked something loose in Logan but he’s keeping it to himself because he owes Wade to not make things messy.

~

Wade 1

Wade can smell things like chimichangas but he can’t find them. They’re definitely not in the apartment. He also can hear every single conversation happening at the party, but at the same time no one seems too loud either. He also could see SO MUCH before the party and the apartment is probably the cleanest it has ever been because of it. All his senses are elevated. He’s almost curious if there’s like a drug in the ventilation system but no one else seems to be having a trip.

Wade meanwhile isn’t really looking to get back together with Vanessa, though he does still love her but in a different way now. He saw himself at the end of Logan’s flashbacks and it’s a bit…disorienting? He’s decided to be flirty about it but he’s not pushing things yet because Logan’s already dealing with the whole new universe thing and Wade’s had enough rejection for the time being.

~

2. Pursue vs. Reject Relationship (call to adventure, lie starts not to work, first encounter with the main conflict)

Logan 2

Logan wakes from a dream where he’s being repeatedly asphyxiated in the dark. He can feel something growing and spreading through out his body. The pain is intense. He’s never felt more ill. Logan opens his eyes and wakes up. It’s still a little difficult to breathe.

Logan is aware of the fourth wall but he thinks it’s state surveillance. It’s worrying that the surveillance seems to be coming from all directions without any sort of electric or mechanical noise to it.

Logan has the most TV sitcom looking breakfast of his life with Wade, Althea, and Dogpool. It’s kind of surreal but welcoming. Wade’s already talking about the mercenary jobs they could do. It feels domestic. Logan likes it.

~

Wade 2

Wade has gained the ability to communicate with animals. It’s not like Doctor Doolittle or anything but he does kind of feel like a Disney princess except one that’s full of cancer. A lot of animals are wary of him and he KNOWS they are now. Except Dogpool who he feels very close to now like he can almost hear her talking though she doesn’t like speak human language.

Wade also feels like he’s gained more insight into Logan but maybe that’s just because they’ve been living together for a while.

Logan’s been trying to tell him something but Wade kind of keeps putting it off, not sure what Logan might say. It could be good but it could also be bad and he doesn’t really want to ruin what they’ve got going. He likes things as they are. He still would like more than they have, but what they have right now is good.

~

3. Characters stuck together, raising the stakes, external goal (point of no return, lie no longer effective, enter the adventure)

Logan 3

Logan and Wade take a mercenary job and end up in the same place at the same time as Cable and X-Force. Cable’s been running X-Force since Wade’s manic spiral and depression bender. This Cable is from another universe and it’s a lot to take in, but luckily they have to kick ass so Logan doesn’t have to think too much about it immediately.

They kick ass and end up at a diner with the X-Force. No matter what he drinks he can’t even get buzzed. He’s too sober to deal with all of this especially since Wade and Cable are flirting. It’s kind of a mindfuck situation.

On the way home, Logan tries to relieve the weirdness of it all by self-harm but the pain is duller than it should be. Actually it’s like his body is more tolerant of pain than it used to be in general. He wonders if this means his nerves are doing something weird in relation to his X-gene slowly deactivating.

Having Wade there and a home to return to is grounding.

~

Wade 3

Wade starts talking about how he had a dream about the Honda Odyssey but it was weird because in it he was Logan. He’s not sure what kind of weird Freudian thing that says about him. Logan points out that Freud’s methods were questionable and you can’t really trust his research.

They’re on a stake out and trying to be quiet.

Wade starts drawing out a potential plan. Logan is keeping watch.

Wade kind of stares at his drawing. It’s weird. It’s weird because it’s the best thing he’s ever drawn. Wade starts doodling other things and they have like perspective and dimension to them.

Logan is annoyed because Wade is clearly NOT paying attention.

Wade doesn’t know how to explain that his hand has been possessed by someone whose true medium is probably pencil.

They take out the bad guys. Wade uses their blood to paint a little with his hands. This is weird. Definitely weird. Logan agrees because who tf paints in blood?

Wade takes the opportunity to flirt shamelessly with Logan as they leave before the cops can arrive.

4. Inner and outer conflict, first intimate moment (can’t get what they want from the lie, figure out a new way)

5. False high/false low, raise stakes again, cause internal reflection (encounters the truth but doesn’t believe in it, doesn’t realize truth and lie can’t coexist)

Wade grows fangs. Logan realizes that the two of them are sharing traits, and a lot of things make more sense to him now. He fixes Wade a ginger tea that he remembers from his youth to help Wade cope with the dental pain since it’s driving Wade crazy since it’s not like his normal chronic pain he can somewhat block out. Wade wants to try his fangs out once they’re in place. This leads to the two of them getting it on, fade to black style.

That night, Wade wakes up with the realization that that Logan might have his cancer. He’s gripped with fear and dread. Logan admits that he’s losing his healing factor. He doesn’t know when he might die since it is still somewhat active for the most part. Wade asks if Logan wants to die. Logan gets very quiet and then admits he no longer does, but he isn’t sure if they can do anything about it. It’s not like Wade asked questions when he kidnapped Logan after all.

6. What characters have to overcome, the opposition (rewarded for using the truth, the more truth the more success)

7. Stakes at their highest point, worst thing happens, someone gives in to fear, what characters have to overcome (false beliefs, etc… (rejects the lie, has a low moment and might lose something if they continue with the lie))

8. Characters realize what they must do, figure out the solution (accept and embrace the truth, the final confrontation)

9. Everyone comes back together, prove love, relates back to the pursue vs. reject section (gain what you need using truth, end conflict with the antagonist)

10. What life is like, happily ever after, etc… (the world now that the characters use the truth instead of the lie)