#my two problematic faves right now that really deserves the world

[angstymarshmallow]

part six - “deal.” (cal lowell x mc)

[a little note: back at it again with another part in my series! I have abandoned all hope of naming the series and I will keep writing it in infuriating and vague titles instead. I think the next part is actually going to be my cross-over idea, so I’m placing this on a mini-hiatus while I start phase 2 *wiggles eyebrows*. It’s past 1:00 am and I’m being a little weird, but without further ado If you read it - than you! If you leave a comment, bless you!]

[words counted: 8771]

[summary: in the aftermath of their breakup, Wren (MC) is starting to come to the conclusion that a world without Cal, isn’t much of a world she wants to exist in. Coming to terms with her feelings is a battle in itself and what lies next on the horizon may take everything for her and Cal to survive].

[part one, part two, part three, part four, part five]

Wren stumbles to catch her footing, her hands warding off the dent of the blow once he strikes – his fist sailing and making contact, before she backpedals several steps away. It hurts, but it would’ve hurt helluva a lot more if she hadn’t seen it coming at the last possible second.

“You’re distracted.” His words are terse, eyes drawn back as a smirk toys at the corner of his lips.

The ass. He’s enjoying this.

She shouldn’t expect any differently, and for all that he was – Nik Ryder is still one of the most infuriating people she has ever met. But he’s never given up on her and in the short time they’ve known each other, he’s taught her nearly everything he knew about being a nighthunter.

Although, Wren still doesn’t appreciate him pointing out the obvious, because she’s been more than distracted lately, she’s been moody. Angry. Depressed. All of that and more at just the thought of Cal – at what they meant to each other and what they’ve lost in the aftermath of their fight. Before the thought is able take much root, she puts a stop to it and diverts her attention back to the man in front of her – still gauging her reaction.

“Bite my ass, Nik.” There. That’ll teach him.

Snarling, Wren ducks his jab and feints to the left. She thinks she has the upper hand until his leg cuts her off, sweeping into a wide arc to take out both of her knees.

Wren curses as her feet fumble. There’s no stopping herself from toppling over and falling flat on her ass. Her wrist absorbs most of the impact and she hisses as slight twinges of pain shoot up her arm. Getting to her feet, she rubs tiny circles along the surface of her skin, making them gradually wider to cover the inside of her wrist.

“Sloppy.” Nik says, making a slight noise of what Wren can only describe as disappointment. His dark eyes remain impassive despite her own foul attitude at his remark. He circles her. Raising his hands, he clenches them into tight fists. “Sloppy will get you killed.”

He doesn’t need to tell her twice. A year of training ought to have taught her better.

But her mind is far past that point. She isn’t focused on looking for opportunities, cracks in his defense – she’s still too angry, too out of control of her own emotions to care about the consequences of not thinking things through. She doesn’t care if she’s being sloppy, she just wants to hit something.

Without uttering a remark, Wren sets off on her feet again – ducking when he tries to deliver a hook at the side of her head and she throws her hands up to body-tackle him towards the floor. “Rughh!”

At the last second, Nik manages to pivot his feet with enough of a twist to change the angle of his stance. He uses her own momentum against her, throwing her off balance and slightly chuckling as she lands with a hard thud against the floor of his apartment. He whirls back around to face her. “That sounded like it hurt.” He taunts, eyes brightening as she curses.

Grimacing, Wren hauls herself off the floor. “It did. Not that you care.” She fires back, raising her hands up defensively as she gets on the balls of her feet.

“If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t be here right now – giving you a target to hit.” He counters, ducking at the last second when she throws a quick jab. “I’d be at home with a case of cold beer.”

Wren lets out a cry of triumph as her other hand quickly shoots out, her fist finally connecting to his jaw

He winces, but makes a show of blocking her next attack – preventing any follow-up chance for any kind of onslaught.

“Sloppy,” she mimics, trying her best Nik impression. “Aren’t you the one that said sloppy will get me killed?”

He dodges to the right and grips her briefly by the waist; setting himself up for kneeing her exposed chest.

The impact makes her grunt and fight for her next breath. She staggers back, eyes tearing up as she manages to shoot him a glare.

“And I wasn’t lying when I said it.”  His tone is deadpanned. “You’re angry. Use it but don’t let it control you. Anger is a powerful tool – but letting your emotions get the better of you isn’t only dangerous, it’s stupid.”

Huffing a breath, Wren rushes into him.

Their bodies slam together, but Nik keeps an inch away by using his arms to push against her demanding push and pull. “Control it, Wren.”

She growls low in her throat, increasing the pressure and leaning more of her weight against him. He won’t get the better of her again, she won’t let him.

Nik blinks and adjusts his stance almost instantly to administer more of a defensive posture.

It’s all the opportunity she needs. Loosening her hold, Wren drops her right shoulder a few inches and uses her weight to propel him across her shoulders – heaving his heavier mass over her – despite the racing of her own heart as adrenaline pumps loudly inside her veins.

He lands with an oomph and doesn’t stand right away. Wincing, Nik rubs his left hip then hastily gets to his feet.

“I am controlling it, Nik.” She mutters with a hiss. Trying to anyway – this was the best it’s going to get.

His eyes halt in her direction. His brow creases the moment his hands fly up and suspends in the air – indicating they should place their sparring match on hold. “I thought this was helping, but now I’m not so sure.” He hesitates, frowning. “I’ve never seen you so upset before.”

“Let me stop you right there.” She cracks her knuckles. “If I wanted to talk; I would’ve gone to see Vera.” She should have sparred with Katy; Katy has always been better at reading between the lines – knowing when to push her and when not to. But she’s out of town on nighthunter business and Nik had only returned from another odd job of his own.

Still, Wren hates the idea. She doesn’t want to talk, because talking won’t make anything easier – it’ll make her feel things she’s been staving off since he left. There’s no Cal and her anymore. And the knowledge hurts. It hurts enough for her heart to ache at the thought of another day without him.

She’s afraid that if she starts talking about everything, the tears will start and she’ll never be able to stop.  Taking a step towards him, Wren swallows the lump that’s suddenly formed in her throat and forces her thoughts to the present. Focus. Breathe. Control. “Now are we going to fight or not?”

-

Nearly two hours later Wren is sprawled across Nik’s living room floor, panting and on the brink of exhaustion. In fact, no amount of deep breathing exercises aids her, nor the other nighthuner sprawled several inches beside her – his own breathing embarrassingly loud.

Still, she has to admit it feels good to be exhausted. To be worn-out long enough to enjoy the release of endorphins she’s always had when it comes down to fighting. Slightly opening her eyes, Wren blows a few strands of her hair out the way before Nil makes the decision to stand.

She hears his slight curse before a cool bottle of beer is slipped between her fingers. After a beat of silence, she mutters. “Thanks.”

“I figured you needed one more than I do.”

She sits up, acknowledging his response with a snort as he leans intently closer to crack open her beer. Inclining her head, she waits expectantly for Nik to grab another beer before they clink them together.

She takes the first sip and sighs. It’s blissfully cool. “You’re right, I definitely needed that.” She closes eyes her briefly, “I guess…this is a good time as any to thank you for letting me barge in this morning.”

Suddenly looking a little uncomfortable by her gratitude, Nik shrugs. “It’s no big deal.”

“No really.” Wren insists, “you just got back. You could have turned me away but you didn’t. Instead, you humored me.”

He laughs, eyes flashing in amusement as he raises his beer to his lips. “You gave as good as you got.”

“Still,” she lets out a tired breath. “I don’t say thanks very often, but I appreciate…you being there for me.” She looks away, focusing instead on the redness of her knuckles before rubbing tiny circles across the raw skin.

“What are friends for– if not for beating the shit out of each other when they’re down, right?” A crooked smile flit across his face briefly. “I’m just worried you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.”

Wren shrugs, still avoiding eye contact by hugging her shoulders after getting to her feet. After another hesitant beat, she takes a chug of her beer. “What’s talking about it going to really do for me?” She takes a deep breath, testing his name on her lips for the first time in a week. “Cal is gone. He ended things – we’re…done. He didn’t think we’d work out in the long run and nothing I could say was going to change his mind.”

She can almost feel his glare at the side of her field of vision. “You know it’s never that simple.”

She continues as if he hasn’t spoken, mulling over it. “And maybe he’s right. Maybe I wasn’t really ready to be a part of the pack, to be his mate.” She sighs, stalking across the room. “I mean - who am I even kidding? I’m only twenty-four and I barely know what I want half the time for lunch – so how can I even hope to make a decision like that?” She shakes her head in disbelief.

“Cut the shit, Wren.”

He says the words sharp enough for Wren to pause in mid-pacing, her shoulders stiffening as he shoots her a chilling stare. “What?”

“You heard me, cut the shit.” His tone seems to only emphasize the gravity of his words, as he settles his beer on the coffee table. “You were looking for a way out – so he gave it to you.”

“That’s not –” She frowns and fumbles to find the words she’s looking for.

“You pretty much said it yourself, you don’t think you’re ready for that.” Nik jerks his chin, “and it didn’t matter what he said – you would have taken any out you could.”

Wren bites on her bottom lip, gnawing the soft flesh between her teeth as she mulls over his words. Is that what she did? Had she looked for an out?

“If you wanted to fight for him, it wouldn’t have mattered what he said. You would’ve have let him ended things.” He says the words matter-of-factly, without any antagonism behind it. “You were scared.”  

She turns away, bitter resentment filling the ache in her chest. “I wasn’t –”

“You were scared shitless.” He says harshly, lips pursed.

“You don’t get it!” She glances back and clenches her fists to her sides. “We were never going to work!”

He steps closer, crowding her vision – forcing her not to look away. “And who gets to the decide that?”

“The rest of the world does!” She throws her hands up in frustration, “the pack – ”

“Fuck the pack.” Nik snarls the words, “they aren’t you and Cal!”

“But they’re his responsibility. They’re apart of his world!

“So?”

“So-” she fumbles to respond – finding anything to defend herself from his barrage of questions. “They hate me.”

He jerks his chin, eyes flashing with almost as much rage as Wren feels threatening to boil over. “Since when did you start giving a shit about everyone else’s opinion?”

“Since I couldn’t get away from it,” she retorts, lips quivering. “It’s everywhere, reminders that we don’t belong together, no matter how much –” She sucks a breath, fighting for any shred of calm still remaining. Her eyes are pricking at the sides; “no matter how much I want us to.” There, she’s said it. She’s admitted what she thought she never could. “So yeah, I was scared. I am scared.”

His eyes soften in sympathy. “I get it, I do. Who could blame you for being scared? He’s the alpha, he’s never gonna be able to put you first. Not completely. The pack demands more than that and maybe, maybe it’ll demand his life someday.” His eyes don’t waver, “maybe you couldn’t live with that.” He takes a deep chug of his drink; some of the dark liquid spilling at the side of his mouth as he tips his head back. “But regardless of that – the Wren I know wouldn’t give Cal up without a fight – and even then.” He grabs her shoulders, eyes searching hers.

Wren’s heart races a little faster at the sincerity behind in his words. This isn’t Nik the badass nighthuner taking – this is Nik her friend, her confidant. “Even then I wouldn’t have let go.” She says the word softly, breath catching as something wet touches her cheek.

She’s at war with herself. Like two sides of a coin, there are still parts of her that believe loving someone so completely is impossible – and parts of her that wants to think someone like her could be worthy of a love like Cal. She did give up fighting for him.

“…You’re right.” Wren says the words slowly, blowing out a breath harshly from her lips as she steps back, gathering her willpower to keep talking. “Giving up – that isn’t me.” She blinks past the tears. “That night – when we broke up, Cal said I had one foot in the door and the other trapped in my old world, the world where things always made sense. No matter how dumb and uneventful that life had been – it was safe. It was mine.” She drifts towards Nik’s window, intent on finding space to gather her thoughts. She presses her forehead against the cool glass to help ease some of the tension from her temples. “I was looking for a way out, because everything felt like it was driving us apart.”

Voice shaking, she backs away from the window to resume her restless pacing. “I didn’t know if I could handle it, I pretended I could. I pretended like I understood his responsibilities, that I understood how different our worlds are. I told myself, I could deal with it - Cal cancelling because of pack business – why they always made me feel like an outsider. It all boiled down to that…and I guess, I was upset because he saw right through me. He saw and knew I was like a fish out of water, trying not to die.”

Nik nods in encouragement, remaining silent as Wren feel his gaze on her back.

She clears her throat, hastily wiping the corner of her eyes. “I’ve never had a reason to be scared before – I’ve had friends, they’ve come and gone. I’ve had boyfriends and girlfriends – but it’s never been like this. It’s never felt like – ” she fumbles for the right word, dragging her fingers through her hair in frustration. “It’s never felt like more than just feelings. It’s never felt like love before him.” The words escape before she can take them back, and after she’s said them – she doesn’t want to. It’s as if the burden she’s carried around for months has suddenly been lifted and Wren lets out a strangled gasp of relief, blinking past the sudden urge to cry.

“I’ve never been afraid of losing someone before. But I was afraid of losing him – and what did it matter when I lost him in the end? My own stubborn and stupidity fucked us both over. And shit, it hurts knowing I’ve lost him.” Her eyes are wide and glassy as Nik stands, crossing the room to embrace her. “It just hurts so fucking much.”

The tears aren’t gradual, like they’ve always seemed to be in movies Wren used to make fun of. It’s all at once – like a dam that’s been blocked for so long, only to suddenly burst open. They fall freely across Nik’s bare shoulder as Wren buries her face there, shuddering when he hums nonsensical noises under his breath.

He doesn’t speak and she’s grateful for it. His arms merely keep her cradled against his chest, while her tear soak his shirt. Fuck, why can’t she stop crying?

Several minutes later, Wren is finally able to pull herself together. She steps back, still rubbing the corner of her eyes while Nik offers her an uncharacteristically tender smile.

“Doesn’t it feel better? Letting it all out?”

Her voice is still raw when she speaks, but thankfully there aren’t any more godawful tears to shed. It seems, for the moment she’s all cried out. “Big talk for someone that doesn’t have the full spectrum of human emotions,” she firest back, still not looking at him completely.

“There she is.”

Hiding a smile, Wren takes a deep breath. She feels a little more of herself again and straightens her shoulders to incline her head at him.

“Good thing this isn’t about me lacking the full range of humans emotions, then huh?” He tries and fails to crack a smile when she manages to finally meet his gaze again. “He still loves you Wren.”

“…Does he?” The words slip from her lips before she’s able to rethink it.

“No shit, he does.” Nik rolls his eyes, “you won’t believe how miserable he’s been without you. I’m talking like stay-at-home-ignoring-everyone level of miserable.” He snorts derisively.

Biting her lower lip, she draws another shaky breath. “Is it bad that a small part of me is happy about that?” While the rest of her feels just as miserable at the thought. She doesn’t want Cal to suffer, not really. She spent a lot of time thinking she would have, but truthfully all she wanted to do was run to him, but after that text he sent her last week – she’s been back to avoiding nearly everyone. Without nighthunter duties keeping her tied to NOLA presently, she’d have probably skipped town up until this point.

“Yeah, really.” Nik chuckles, drawing her out of her thoughts. “Rook, believe me when I say this – it doesn’t make sense for two people that are obviously miserable without each other, to take so long to realize it.”

“Give me a break,” Wren rubs her eyes hastily again, laughing with something akin to only relief. Shit, it feels good to laugh again. “I’ve never been in love before…and it’s…weird. But a good weird.” She pauses to think, gnawing at her lower lip. “I should have said something earlier.”

He gives her a droll stare. “Well, what’re you standing around talking to me for? Go tell the wolf yourself.”

A wave of affection fills her throat, momentarily making it difficult for Wren to muster any form of gratitude she can. She hesitates for a split second, and then she closes the distance to quickly hug him. “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.” Nik pats her back for a moment before swiftly letting her go. “Seriously, don’t. I want to sweep this whole letting our feelings get the better of us right under the rug.”

“Yup, already done.” Laughing, she echoes his sentiments entirely. Her eyes skim the room for her shoes. “Breakdown? I don’t know what those are.” As she spots them, she wades over and quickly hauls them to her feet.

Nik grunts in response.

Her hand pauses by the door handle as she glances back to meet his questioning stare. It’s the first sign of a smile she’s seen from him all day.

“I’m happy for you both.”

She returns the smile, as fleeting as it is until she remembers how they’ve left things. She can’t just sit around waiting for him to say anything again. She has to fight for him too. Shooting him a parting wave, Wren opens his front door – only to freeze in place as her heart suddenly spikes several notches at the familiar figure standing in front of her. “Christ, kid!” She winces, fighting the urge to clutch her chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”

“Sorry!” Donny has the good senses to at least look sheepish as he apologizes. He’s standing a few inches away, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt that had too many holes to be some kind of a style.

He stuffs his hands inside his pockets and as she jerks her chin at him, he rocks back on his heels. “What’re you doing here?”

His mouth snaps shut for a moment as they slid behind her. Then his jaw tenses as their eyes connected again. “I didn’t mean to – I just didn’t know where else to look for you and once I picked up your scent, I just followed it here.” He seems on edge; eyes shifting warily from her and a frowning Nik whose presence is still close behind her.

“Why do you need to find me?” Her surprise quickly recedes into apprehension. “What’s going on? Are you hurt?” Without thinking her hands and eyes skim the entire length of his six feet. No obvious wound….maybe it’s internal?

Donny waves off her concern, “I’m fine. It’s not me that needs help.” As she motions him inside, he takes a ragged breath – staring between Nik and Wren uncertainly until she quirks an eyebrow.

“Are you comin’ in or what?” She notes another strange look passing between them before her irritation snaps. “If you even think –”

He holds up his hands. “I don’t wanna know.”

“Well, there isn’t anything to know.” She says curtly, staring indignantly at hi. “I love your brother –” there she goes dropping that word again. Although it almost seems to fall off the tongue effortlessly the more, she says it.

Donny blinks up her as a flurry of emotions swiftly flit across his youthful face.

“Really? You aren’t going to say anything?” She goads, gesturing to herself. “Not even to gloat?” The fact that he hasn’t said anything is already not a good sign. “Okay kid, c’mon you’re scaring me.” Wren swallows. She’s almost too afraid to ask. “Where’s Cal? What’s going on?”

“It’s my brother,” his lower lip quivers and his shoulders suddenly hunch. ��He’s gone Wren.”

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

He’s gone.

His words play on loop as panic engulfs her chest. It’s suddenly hard to breathe and Wren staggers back as if he’d struck her. Without thinking, she grabs him and shake his shoulders hard enough for his teeth to slightly rattle. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Donny doesn’t flinch, despite her fingers digging into his skin. His expression mirrors her own trepidation. His lips quiver and as his chocolate eyes widen in fear, she feels her own resolve crumbling. “I need your help.”

-

“…and that’s the last time you heard from him?”

Several minutes after Donny’s ambiguous explanation, both Wren and Nik pace the living room, while he stretches and sits with his arms folded cross the couch. “He said he’d be back on Monday.” He buries his face into his hands, muffling his next words. “I know Cal, he wouldn’t break his promise like that. Not for anything.”

Wren runs her fingers through her hair, mind racing with worry at the thought of something happening to him. It would be her luck that the only person she’s ever fallen completely for is in mortal peril. Just her damn rotten luck.

Nik breaks the silence first; his lower octave filling the sudden gap left behind from silence, as Wren feels Donny’s questioning stare from the corner of her eyes shift towards him. “And he didn’t mention where he went – at all?”

Donny shakes his head. “He didn’t know where he was meeting Mr. Kavinsky, he changed it like at the last second. Cal was texting me it wouldn’t take long, but I knew from his message that he was weirded out by the whole thing. Mr. Kavinsky whole vibe didn’t exactly scream ‘trust me.’”

“Changing the meeting place last second is definitely strange.” Nik agrees, scratching his chin. “But, unfortunately that still doesn’t prove anything.”

“What about the pack?” Wren interrupts. Her voice is still a little hoarse from crying earlier and she clears her throat in an attempt to smoothen it out. It’s the first thing she can think of, shouldn’t the pack care that their alpha has been MIA for the past couple days? “Isn’t this pack business?”

Donny flinches slightly from the flatness of her tone.

She’s thrown more accusation than she meant, but the idea of them not doing anything about Cal being across country lines is damn right infuriating. “Shouldn’t they be sending someone to New York to help figure out where he is?”

His expression falters until his stare drops to the floor. “That’s the thing, Cal doesn’t want anyone to go after him. It was his orders.”

That self-sacrificing idiot. She’s furious at the idea of him going alone, even worse that he’s ordered no one else to come after him. But that’s the type of person he is, he wants to fix everything himself – regardless of people wanting to help him or not. If he only told me. I could have been there. I could have done something.

“The pack’s been in total chaos since he left. Without our alpha, we’re all on edge.” Donny stands, his eyes glimmering faint amber as if he’s growing angrier by the minute at the thought. “Half of them want to throw those kids back on the street for Shaw.”

Wren’s entire body goes stiff. “That can’t happen.”

“And the other half wants to go after him.”

“No good either, Shaw would have the advantage. New York’s apart of his territory.” Nik frowns, and curses under his breath. “This is a mess.”

“This isn’t just a mess Nik, it’s a whole shitshow.” Wren blows out an irritated breath.

“Jayde’s keeping everyone on a tight leash for now, but there’s no telling how long that’ll last. The longer Cal is gone, the worse this’ll get Wren.” Donny returns his gaze back to her, his eyes almost pleading – his tone insistent. “We have to find him.”

“I’m right with you kid.” She pats his arm in reassurance. “There’s no way I’m going to sit around and do nothing while Cal is out there.” She promises him with a determined smile. Although, that’s easier said than done. If they’ve got no leads as to where he went –

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news,” Nik interrupts, glaring at the two of them disdainfully. “I think we’re missing the obvious here. Neither of you know where he is. New York is a big enough city and unless he appears out of thin air – there’s no way you’re getting into their territory to poke your head without Shaw’s pack or one of Kavinsky’s men spotting you.”

“But –” They both yell at the same time.

“Remember what we talked about earlier, Wren?” He frowns, eyebrows narrowing in obvious disapproval. “Dangerous and stupid? This is definitely the definition of dangerous and stupid.”

“What else are we supposed to do?” Wren throws her hands up in the air, frustrated. “I’m all for ideas, but if you think I’ll sit around and just wait for one to fall in our laps –” she snorts, “then I guess I’ll just have to settle for being stupid.” Driving her point home, she splays her hands across her sternum, “it’s served me a lot of times when I’ve needed it to.”

“Unbelievable.” Nik mutters.

“We should start by talking with the pack.” As much as she hates to say it, they’re still their best bet in finding Cal. “Maybe Jayde knows something, she is his Beta after all. I’m sure he shared something with her.” She waits expectantly for Donny to echo her sentiment.

He shrugs, “I tried talking to her about it, but I didn’t get anywhere.”

“Then, I’ll talk to her.”

He seems to hesitate and at the quirk of her eyebrows, he quickly fumbles to continue. “She’s at Wolf’s Den with most of the pack.”

“Well, shit.” Of course, this wasn’t going to be easy. Why should it be? The idea of walking in there with every pair of wolf eyes on her is terrifying but Wren swallows back her fear and ruffles the top of Donny’s head. She can’t think of just herself anymore – there’s Donny to worry about and Cal. “Then that’s where we’ll go.” She turns to Nik, who’s been lost in thought until she clears her throat and gestures to him. “Is there anyone in New York that could help narrow down the search?”

Nik hesitates, brow furrowing at the request.

“Anyone?” She presses on, narrowing her eyes a little at his silence.

“Yeah.” He sighs, “someone owes me a favor. I could talk to him, see what he knows.”

“Someone?” When Nik doesn’t respond right away, Wren folds her arms. “Okay, spill. Which big, bad and all powerful supernatural do you know?” With Nik, Wren’s come to the realization that nothing is out of his realm of possibility. The man knows pretty much everyone.

“Adrian Raines.” He stuffs his hands into his pockets.

Wren’s jaw nearly hits the floor. “Multibillionaire and philanthropist Adrian Raines?” She prompts him. “The same man that spent more than a decade of his life funding cancer research and space travel? That Adrian Raines?”

“The one and the same.”

How the hell did Nik manage to meet him? “Wait, don’t tell me –”

“He’s a vampire.” His tone is deadpanned. “He sits at the head of the vampire council–” before she’s able to ask for more information, he quickly holds up a finger. “- but I can’t tell you about that, we don’t have the time. I can tell you that I could probably reach his assistant, she usually helps in handling his…..other business.”

When she tries to peek at his phone, Nik shoots her a scowl and hides the object into the crook of his shoulder.

But she does manage to catch a name; Harlow Daniels from underneath the long list of his contacts. “So, you’ll think they’ll be able to help?”

“I’m not sure. But like I said Adrian owes me a favor.” He pockets his phone.

“Is there anyone that doesn’t owe you a favor?”

“Nope,” he responds without missing a beat, grinning down at her. “You meet all sorts of people in this line of work and Adrian’s no exception to the rule.”

“Right.” Rolling her eyes, Wren mumbles. “Maybe I should get out of NOLA more.” She’s barely been out of the city since the fated day they met a year ago. Sometimes, she wonders if Kristin still misses her. “Well then, we have a plan.”

“Not really,” Nik’s face twists into a humorless smile. “But it’s better than no plan.”

Wren turns to Donny whose attention has been fixated his phone during their entire exchange. “You ready kid?”

“Yeah,” he frowns.

That doesn’t look good. “You frown long enough; you’ll end up with permanent wrinkles. What’s up?”

Donny glances up at her, his eyes clouded with worry. “It’s Jayde. Apparently, a fight broke out at Wolf’s Den.”

Wren curses. “Is it Derek –” the last thing they need is another all-out brawl.

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s just the pack.”

-

Half an hour later after exchanging goodbyes with Nik, Wren and Donny arrive at the porch of Wolf’s Den. The sun is at its lowest point and makes their shadows appear oversized as they board the steps of the giant, and looming house.

Before they head inside, Donny’s hand shoots out to grip Wren’s forearm. “Wait.”

She stops inside her tracks and turns to quirk an eyebrow questioningly at him.

His stance has changed. It’s no longer lax as their gazes return to the house. He seems to adjusts his height and his nostrils flare. When she sneaks a glance at him, his eyes have that familiar and faint amber-glow to them. It makes something in her gut twist with the unwavering certainty that she won’t like whatever it is, he has to say. “What?”

“Nothing it’s just…” His eyes skim the entire length of the house, tilting his chin to the side as he frowns. “Something’s not right.” He sniffs the air, his shoulders tensing. “Just be on your guard.”

“Right.” Under any other circumstances, she can think of – she wouldn’t have allowed a chance at poking fun of him to pass, but now isn’t the time. Checking the harness of her weapon, Wren takes a protective step in front of him. “Let me go in first. You follow after I give the okay.”

He rolls his eyes. “You sound just like Cal.” He doesn’t say the words with any malice, it feels more genuine than that as he glances away with a spot of color across his cheeks. “I can take care of myself.”

“Uh-huh.” Brandishing her weapon, Wren checks the parameter of the house. When nothing in particular jumps out at her, she heads inside with Donny ignoring her request to stay put by sticking close to her side.

From the moment she’s steps foot inside the Wolf’s Den, Wren is almost nauseated by the smell. It reeks of beer, blood and other substances she isn’t quite ready to think about in her half-anxious state. She maneuvers tentatively between two unconscious men fashioning the pack’s familiar insignia.

Everything is askew, pieces of furniture have been flipped and destroyed, while the rest of the house seem to echo the same pattern – broken glasses, upturned tables and blood. Small litters of people are everywhere Wren looks, but thankfully - they seem to be blissfully knocked out, despite how beaten-up and well bloodied they appear.

The hand on her arm tightens and Wren glances back just as Donny begins to make a gesture pointing upwards to further investigate the house upstairs. She nods in agreement, shifting ever so slightly to switch directions of their inspection.

They take to the stairs, only pausing once they’ve heard the sound of movement in the hall. They both seem to freeze at the same time, before Wren recovers first – reaching for her gun and aiming it at the figure down the hall. “Alright, whoever’s still awake – is about to get the beat down of their life.”

Donny snarls behind her, changing his stance until he takes a good whiff of the air. He relaxes almost immediately, holding up a hand to caution Wren to drop her gun.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Jayde calls, emerging from out of the dimly lit hall. Hair dishelmed, her clothes are also torn and her spots along her sides and legs are exposed. From one good look, Wren is able to discern that she’s bruised from head to toe; the stain of dried blood across her temple and the slight limp to her walk are definitely all the indications that Wren needs to displace her earlier worry.

“You look like shit.” Wren hooks her weapon back into her harness.

Jayde barks out a laugh, and then winces. “I feel like shit.” Leaning heavily against the wall, she slides to the floor.

Donny scrambles to her side in nearly an instant, squatting down to check her pulse.

“I’m alright Donny, I just need a minute.”

“What the hell happened?” Wren cautiously checks the worst of Jayde’s injuries on approach. There’s still blood dripping onto the floor from the side of her ribs marks the worst of her wounds, but she’s somehow still conscious. At least, there’s that to be thankful for. Although for how long, Wren can’t be sure.

“What’re you doing here?” Jayde counters, wincing again when Wren tears off a piece of her shirt to press against her bare skin.

The cloth is soaked with her blood within seconds. Shit.

“This pack business.” She turns to Donny, even manages a solid glare. “You shouldn’t have brought her.”

“I didn’t have a choice – no one was that at least listening to me!” Donny’s brows knit in obvious concern, “and I was scared something was going to happen.”

“And obviously something did,” Wren interjects thinly, loosening her hold to drop the measly piece of cloth to the floor. “Besides, now I’m here and I can help.”

”I’ll be fine,” Jayde says brusquely. “I’ll…heal in no time.” She tries to bat Wren’s hand away feebly, but her strength is so depleted that a fly would have done a better job at moving it.

“Not unless you don’t bleed to death first.” She counters. Ignoring her comment, Wren tears another piece of her tank top to press into the woman’s side. Then she takes one of Jayde’s hands to rest where her hand had been moments ago. “Can you stand?”

“I think so.”

“Good.” Turning to Donny, Wren gestures for him to grab Jayde’s arm. “I’ll need help moving her in the other room.”

“You got it.”

Together they manage to rise, the taller woman unsteadily getting her feet. Jayde titters forward for a moment, her balance painstakingly unstable before her eyes seem to snap at attention. Together, all three of them make their way past the long hallway until they’re able to find the study.

Wren shoulders the door open and within seconds they’ve gently laid Jayde across the sofa, who pants and glances down at the slight discoloration of her skin.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything? There’s gotta be a medkit around here somewhere.” When Wren turns to leave and venture down the hall, Jayde stops her by calling out her name.

“I’ll be fine, Wren.” Jayde mutters through bared teeth. Donny whines from behind her, his shoulders hunched over and his expression sullen until she reaches up to pat him. Mid-way, she drops her hand and winces.

“Nope. That’s it. I’ll be right back.” Ignoring her protests, Wren searches the cabinets of their bathroom and lets out a triumphant cry when she finds it – an entire box, seemingly untouched and tucked away in the corner of their medicine cabinet. She wipes the dust that’s on top before washing away the dirt off her hands.

By the time she heads back, Jayde looks marginally better – some of the colour returning back to her cheeks but the wound by her side keeps Wren’s attention. Slightly frowning, Wren fishes through the box until she’s able to find what she’s looking for. “So, are you going to continue being a pain in the ass – or are you gonna tell me what happened?”

“Like I said, it’s pack business.”

“So, a pain in the ass then?” Wren takes a cotton and drenches it in rubbing alcohol before administering it across her skin.

Jayde hisses then snarls in frustration. Her snarl turns into a sharp yelp after Wren increases the pressure.

“Sorry.”

“Pff.” Jaydge manages some semblance of a laugh, until the effort makes her groan in pain. “You’re enjoying this.”

“I’m not gonna lie, I kinda am.” She removes the cotton, relieved to see the worst part of her bruise have stopped bleeding. “No offense.”

“None taken.” When Jayde tries to touch the spot she’s cleaned, Wren slaps her hand away.

“Don’t touch it.”

“Yes doctor.” She smirks. Her smile falters as another surge of pain has her jolting up; the distinct sound of cracking as her bone began remaking themselves increases Wren’s worry. “Where did you learn to do this anyway? Med school?”

Wren pulls back to give her a droll stare. “You think if I went to med school I’d end up here – as a nighthunter?”

“It’s just a question.” Jayde grunts, her tone defensive.

“A dumb one.” She snorts. Placing a gauze on top – she jerks her chin towards Donny, whose been struck staring this entire time. “Can you help me wrap this up?”

Nodding, he takes one end of the long piece of cloth and helps to gingerly wrap it around her until Jayde’s entire stomach is covered.

“And to answer your question, you kinda have to pick up a few things when you’ve got no one else to looking out for you –except yourself.” Wren takes a step back to admire her handiwork. It’s not the best, but it’ll do. “I’ve had my fair share of injuries – nothing too serious, but I had to learn to patch myself up when I couldn’t pay any hospital bills.”

Jayde mutters a soft thank you, her forest green eyes staring up at her as if seeing her for the first time. “This’ll help.”

“You’re welcome.” Standing upright again, Wren folds her arms. “Now I told you a secret, you owe me an explanation in return. A favor for a favor, right?”

She seems to hesitate. “I –”

“I know you’re Cal’s beta and all, but I’m his mate.” Wren says the words sharper than she intended, but the message is clear all the same. She won’t abandon him – or her. “And whatever affects him – or the pack, is my business too.”

From across the room, Donny whistles and seems to be fighting a smile. Even Jayde, albeit taken aback seems pleased with Wren’s disposition.

“Alright then, Cal’s mate.” She sits a little straighter, and braces one arm across her stomach. “Tensions have been high here – really high since Cal’s been gone. Some of Shaw’s wolves have been stirring up trouble and blaming it on us.” Her nose flared and her jaw clenches before she adds. “I’ve tried to do what I can, but I don’t have the same pull an alpha does. I can’t exert my will over them like Cal can.” She rubs her eyes, “I’m only trying my damndest to keep the peace – the last thing this town needs is a bunch of pissed off and over masculine wolves ripping into each other.”

“Tonight, didn’t seem very peaceful.”

Jayde gives her a sharp stare and even Donny appears a little annoyed and taken aback by her jab; from the appearance of a slight frown.

Wren tries to apologize, “sorry, you were saying?”

“Almost half of the pack was threatening to leave if Nick, Theo and Saline weren’t gone by tomorrow.” Her lips form a small sneer.  “I told them I would toss their asses out myself if they thought I was gonna leave a bunch of kids defenseless. Whether they like it or not – they’re pack too.”

“Smart woman.”

“Not smart enough. My threat fell on deaf ears. Instead of being scared, one of them demanded to challenge my rank.”

“I can’t imagine you taking that well.”

Jayde throws her a droll stare. “Yeah no shit. I tore that pup into shreds before he could touch me. Too bad it didn’t end there, the place erupted into chaos as soon as it was over. One of our own stabbed me right in the fucking stomach with a fork.” Jayde hisses, “too much fucking testosterone will apparently do that to you.”

“I…really missed a lot huh.” Donny blinks, his eyes widening in surprise.

“It sure sounds like it.” Wren adds shortly, a little stunned by the lengths the pack is willing to go. “But where are the kids now? I didn’t see them on my way up here.”

“Gone. As soon as they fight broke out, I knew it was dangerous to have them here, so I had Pete take them home. I should actually go check on them,” Jayde winces again as she tries to stand. “There’s no telling what will happen if anyone else realizes they’re alone.”

“Especially Shaw’s pack.” Wren mumbles in agreement. If anything, this shows they’ve been underestimating him this entire time. “But you shouldn’t go. You can barely stand as it is.”

As if driving her point home, Jayde tries to sit up but almost yelps before seemingly abandoning the idea to foul curses and squeezing a sofa pillow with enough pressure for it to pop open.

“You need to stay here and rest. We can check on them.”

Her entire body seems to go ramrod stiff. She clenches her jaw as she meets Wren’s stare. “But as Beta –”

“You can’t very well protect anybody when you look like this, can you?” Wren gestures at her. “You’ll get yourself hurt even worse. So, let us do the heavy lifting - we can take it from here, right Donny?”

Donny nods eagerly. His eyes suddenly shine a lot brighter with something akin to determination. “We won’t let anything happen to them.”

Seconds pass until Jayde nods. “Alright. I know you’re right. I’m no good to anyone like this.” She closes her eyes briefly, allowing her head to loll to one side.

“But before we go – there’s something we need to ask you.” Wren begins, placing more emphasis on her words as she continues talking, “I need to know find Cal.”

“I’ve already told Donny all I know.” Jayde replies; her eyes flickering back to her. “He was going to New York to meet with Kavinsky. It’s pointless sharing where they were supposed to meet – because it changed as soon as he got there.”

“I’d like to know just the same, maybe it’ll help in figuring something out.” Wren exchanges a glance with Donny, “at least until Nik’s lead pans out.”

“Grab me a pen and paper will you?”

“No need,” Wren withdraws her phone and hands the smart device to the woman. “Wherever they went couldn’t have been too far from their original meeting place.” She gnaws on her lower lip, apprehension filling her chest at the thought of Cal being ambushed. “If worse comes to worse, we could try checking a couple places around the surrounding area.”

“That’s a stretch and you know it.” Jayde hands her back the phone, her expression softening a little. “But if anyone can find him – it’s you. You two…have a bond,” she says the words slowly, as though realizing it suddenly herself. “It’s going to lead you back to each other.”

“Wow, I –” Wren swallows back an abrupt lump in her throat. Jayde has never said anything with such sincerity to her before. “Thanks Jayde.”

The wolf inclines her head. “Just bring him home, won’t you?”

“I will.”

A look passes between them and Wren thinks for the first time since the start of their rocky relationship – Jayde and her could become friends. Well, almost. There’s still a lot of things they don’t agree on but one thing they certainly had in common was Cal. And for her, that’s more than enough.

With a parting nod, Wren motions Donny for follow her as she crosses the room.

Donny rushes to embrace Jayde before dutifully taking to the halls and maintaining a few inches behind her. “So, what’s the plan?”

“We check on the kids first. With everyone else being here – it’s vulnerable for them to be alone. Then we check in with Nik –” But it appears Nik beats her to it. He’s sent her a series of messages detailing where he thinks Cal’s location is.

According to Harlow and Adrian at least; they’ve scheduled a meeting with Kavinsky that isn’t too far from Cal’s original meeting place. It has to be it. There’s no other explanation for the size and distance. “This has got to be it,” Wren hasn’t realized she’s even spoke aloud until she feels Donny’s chin resting across her shoulder to peek at her phone.

“That’s where he is?” He grumbles, “Then what are we waiting for?! We need to go!”

“Woah, slow down.”

The fresh air is a welcoming smell as Donny closes the entrance doors behind them. She inhales deeply, letting it almost engulf her lungs before she returns her attention to him. God, she’ll never taken fresh air for granted ever again. “We still have to check on Nick and the others.”

“But Pete’s there.”

“Something might have happened; we have to at least make sure.” One of them has to be adult in this scenario – it might as well be her. As eager as she is to get on the first place to New York, she made a promise to Jayde and she intends on keeping it. Although, she hands her phone off to Donny as soon as they’re inside her truck; ordering him to find her one before they left.

“Just one ticket?”

From the corner of her eyes, he’s staring at her in disbelief. “Yup.” She answers without missing a beat. The truck revs to life before she backpedals out of the parking lot.

“You’re joking right?” He bares teeth at her. “After everything that’s happened today, you can’t just leave me behind! That’s total bull!”

“It’s precisely because of what’s happened today why I’m leaving you behind kid.” She glances at him for a moment, she hopes the look in her eyes is enough to implore him to understand. “Cal would never forgive me if something happened to you – and I’m a little too fond of you myself.”

“Bullshit. There’s no way I’m staying here when my gut’s telling me Cal needs my help.”

Her hands around the wheel tighten. Her gut is telling her that too.“I know you’re angry Donny,” she uses his first name and his eyes widen in surprise. That’s how serious she is about this. “But you’re not thinking straight and I can’t make sure you’re safe – and fight the asshole that’s taken Cal at the same time.”

“I can take care of myself.” He says defensively.

“Have you ever killed someone before?” Her voice is flat and cool, but she has to drive her point home for him to realize the extent of how far she’s willing to go. As much of him as a wolf – there’s just as much that’s still a kid. “A ghoul? A vampire? Another wolf – anyone?”

He hesitates. “No.”

“Have you fought anything with that intent? It’s either you or them – there’s no middle ground and I’m not just talking about a bunch of wolves sparring – no kid, I’m talking about the real deal. I’m talking about blood and entrails, and skin tearing -”

“Oh god, gross! No way.”

“That’s exactly why I can’t bring you with me. Who knows what’ll happen once I get there? I need to be prepared. I need to be focused, and having you with me is too much of liability.” She glances at him then, her eyes unblinking as she waits for his response.

“I thought you said we’re in this together.” His shoulders sag and his eyes flit to the floor.

Without thinking, she reaches over with her free hand to find his and gives it a comforting squeeze. “We are, but right now – I need you to be a team player, to help hold down the fort until we get back.” She manages a timid smile. “Nick, Theo and Saline – they all need you to help keep them safe.”

“You said something earlier that I didn’t really…” He trails off for a moment, brows creasing together when she glances at him. “You love my brother?”

Yes.

Every fiber of her being resonates with that one simple fact. It’s not just an idea now, it’s something she believes with every part of her body. It’s still exhilarating but she doesn’t feel as scared as she had been before – admitting it was the first step. And now all she wants to do is tell him herself, to hold him in her arms and say the words that he’s waited forever to hear.

“Yes, apparently those strong feelings I have for him does actually have a word.” She tries to make a joke that ends up falling flat at the thought of losing him. She can’t lose him when she’s only just found him. “I love Cal.” Her throat goes a little hoarse, “he means the world to me and I won’t let you down. I’ll bring him back Donny, I promise.”

When she spares another glimpse at him - his eyes bore into hers with such sincerity that Wren thinks he isn’t just some kid anymore. He’s more than that – he’s finally coming into his own and his dark yet solemn eyes are almost glassy as he nods and lets out a strangled breath. “Thank god. Then I’ll keep them safe, and you bring back Cal.”

They shake on it. “It’s a deal.”

-

[kanerallels]

Okay, I want the runthrough of your WIP please! Tell me EVERYTHING

Friend I'm so sorry it took me a while to answer this, I wanted to give it the attention it deserved! And THANK YOU for asking this question!!

Okay-- picture this

There's this fairy tale world that lives parallel to our own, and my main character is biologically/originally from there. But she ended up on Earth, and never knew where she was from or who her parents were

Enter book one of my WIP (yeah there are multiple books lol), where she's going to my fairy tale world with this precious cinnamon roll who would never hurt anyone and deserves much better than what I've been doing to him so far guy who showed up and offered to help her find her family. No spoilers, but shenanigans go down, near death is experiencing, etc.

My favorite part about the fairy tale world to share with people is probably the fact that they have this evil dictatorial Empress, Goldilocks. She also has a number of assassins-- like Snow White and Cinderella-- and dethroned the Evil Queen to get where she is now

Other fun details include Jack the giant slayer/pirate (who is literally such a problematic fave I wonder about him sometimes), the wolf from Little Red Riding Hood (who is chaos incarnate and only soft for his best friend), and the witch from Rapunzel who curses people just to make trouble cause she thinks it's fun

As you can see, I'm using a HECK TON of fairy tales, and I plan on using more. I'm in the process of editing the first book right now, and searching for people to beta read (which has been a pain so far. Literally two of the people I've sent it to have gotten back to me), so I have ZERO idea when it'll be published. But I'd really really like to publish it someday!

[fantastic-rambles]

Ahhh yaknow what you’re right. I just went back and looked over some of the rod, and I didn’t see Langa explicitly agree to not to skate with Adam. He promised that he wouldn’t quit skating with Reki, but he only acknowledged Reki’s warning to not be reckless. It actually makes a bunch of sense why Langa would be confused by the distancing and argument. I see now why you were upset with Reki’s behavior. It feels kind of like a ‘secret contract’ sorta thing where Reki got upset over a broken rule Langa never realized he was supposed to abide by. And not only is that unfair like you said, but it flipped the situation as if Langa was being untrustworthy to his word when really Reki didn’t trust Langa not to quit skating with him just because of danger/injury. And especially since I’ve seen people make solid arguments for Langa being neurodivergent or neurodivergent-coded, it’s really not a stretch at all for him to see the situation like you did. Langa most likely saw the issue as solely reckless behavior leading to quitting. But clearly Reki’s own jealousy/insecurities added Langa preferring better skaters as potentially leading to them not skating together without ever discussing it until Langa was blindsided during the argument. I would’ve looked a better apology from Reki where he fully explained why he was upset when they were making up. It’s human for his feelings on the issue to change, but that should’ve been better expressed to Langa. Although Langa did a great job of accurately smoothing over what was bothering Reki without that. Maybe that’ll be rectified if he apologizes to Miya. I think Miya deserves one especially since Reki physically shoved him after he opened up about why his actions were such a sore spot for him. I actually thought Miya’s words would help Reki see the other side of things so seeing Miya get pushed was like a “Bro wtf??” moment for me. Again it’s understandable that people act out when they’re angry and Reki was obviously already struggling with his emotions, but it should be acknowledged again how wrong that was. Boy are you opening my eyes to a lot of problematic stuff lol.

Also, I’m very curious as to why you hate Shadow. For me, it’s because I can’t move past that comment in ep 1. I know ppl brush it off as just an (unnecessarily misogynistic) act for his persona, but that woman literally didn’t say anything to him and he insulted her for no reason by using her body as trophy to be defaced if he won. Ew. And just because he’s super nice to the flower shop lady, he does not get a pass. If he’s only respectful to women he’s attracted to and jumps at any other the opportunity to degrade women, he’s still a misogynist. And I’m pretty sure that he already new flower shop lady when the series started, so I don’t think you can argue that his character developed to be better towards women as a whole because of her or that he wouldn’t do something like that again at this point in the story. Especially since the goal of proving yourself as a “strong man” has not historically worked out to men being compassionate with women. (Tho within a vacuum devoid of his other actions, I can appreciate his commitment to a makeup routine)

Oh! And I would totally wanna read that fanfic if you write it!! I’m not even as gung-ho about Adam going to jail as most fans and Adam-haters tbh. Mainly because it’d probably be for political corruption via money bribes which is already kinda common and I don’t think the show has stated him to be doing anything particularly bad with it I don’t think so?? Like it seems to be mainly for the purpose of keeping S secret which is indeed a waste of money and effort when he could just buy it, but on the other hand, there doesn’t seem to be any ill consequences on the citizens the politician represents. So yea, it’s illegal so the jail time is technically deserved. But also like... no harm no foul🤷‍♀️ If he would be getting charged for assaulting other skaters than I definitely think that’s fair, but I doubt that’ll happen in the show just because I feel like no one will actually say anything when the time comes partially due to the shock of his arrest if they’re even involved. And I mean, Cherry was pissed at Adam for getting skaters hurt but still rolled out the hospital and joked like he was fine, so I just don’t particularly see anyone calling him out on it to the point of it being apart of his sentencing. The end of ep 11 with Cherry and Joe arguing about one of them going against Adam just doesn’t sound like condemning him to battery charges to me XD

But yaknow I’ve been loving hurt/comfort type fics lately, so I’d be really interested in seeing Adam truly work and change himself for some type of redemption in that setting. I can see hitting rock bottom as being really good for him given it may provide a reprieve from having to manage his image. Adam is underrated in complexity so it’s always cool when people try to flesh him out more and dive into his inner world. And of course Tadashi is kind of my fave (if you couldn’t tell) so I love anything healing for him as well :)

Yep, I was majorly pissed at Reki for how he treated Langa and Miya. His behavior is absolutely problematic. Not as bad as Adam, obviously, but with everything I’ve said and you’ve realized... yeah. I’m glad he made up with Langa and will probably make up with Miya, but it doesn’t invalidate everything he’s done before. Yes, he’s still an immature teenager, but I don’t think he realizes how messed up his behavior was, even after making up with Langa (the resolution seems to be based on him accepting that he’s not an ace skater, rather than recognizing how toxic his behavior was), so I’m still not satisfied. But hey, it’s probably just me being hyperfixated on trivial details that nobody else even cares about. /shrug

(I’m glad to know that I wasn’t misinterpreting the “promise,” or lack thereof, though!)

And I have two major problems with Shadow. My first--and biggest--problem is, as you’ve pointed out, that he’s an enormous misogynist. At “S,” people have the freedom to be exactly who they are beneath the facades that they show to the world. For example, Adam is someone desperately searching for someone who can understand him, not the perfectly put-together politician Shindo Ainosuke. Cherry and Joe are more true to their “real life” selves, but there are differences in their behavior on the track and off. And then there’s Shadow, the overcompensating “strong man” who threatens to make a guy tattoo “Dumpster Slut” over his girl’s name. So I 100% agree with everything you said about Shadow. He’s a chauvinistic pig.

The second problem is that I honestly think his actions when he’s racing are worse than Adam’s, and the only reason it’s not made out as such is because he’s the buttmonkey rather than the villain. I believe that, as problematic as Adam’s antics are, he does not intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents. I’ve discussed this idea in more detail in other posts, but in short, even in the most extreme case--Cherry’s--his injuries were far lighter than they would have been if Adam had seriously wanted to hurt him. Death, coma, etc. were all highly probable outcomes of that situation, so the only reason they didn’t happen was because Adam was holding back. Or anime logic. But even anime logic can only stretch so far. And against lesser opponents like Reki, he generally holds onto them to ensure that they don’t accidentally hurt themselves when they’re panicking.

Of course, Shadow doesn’t intend to cause severe physical harm to his opponents either, but he does not exert any control over the situation after he throws fireworks at his opponent or shines a laser in their eyes. We’ve twice seen his opponents fall off the course as a direct result of his actions: Reki in the first race, Harry in the quarterfinals. They could have just as easily fallen off the cliff or slammed into a wall (at full speed) and been badly injured. If Shadow were an actual villain, I fully believe that he would have an actual body count of people who died racing against him (as opposed to Adam’s trail of injured opponents). So it bothers me that people shrug off what Shadow does while screaming for Adam’s death.

As for the scandal subplot... I’m *pretty* sure it’s a lot more serious than Adam bribing the police to leave “S” alone. I think he’s actually involved in some majorly shady/illegal activities politically. Like, in Episode 7, when the other Diet member gets pulled over, arrested, and has his house searched... there’s no way that has anything to do with “S.” At the very least, the two of them were collaborating on something really bad, something serious that Adam lied about under oath, and that’s enough for Adam’s staff to worry about what’s going to happen, especially Tadashi. We don’t know what it is specifically, but it’s definitely a lot more than just passing out bribes to hide “S.”

Lol, I’ll have to see how it goes. Probably won’t start it until after the anime finishes at the very least so I can see how it turns out for Adam and Tadashi, plus I have another half dozen WIPs at the moment and nowhere near enough time to work on them all. xD

[vaguely-gestures-to-the-void]

Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back folks. Read the innocence dying inside me as I accept that this show eats my expectations for lunch and leaves me like it's going to buy milk.

As a side note from what I said in my first review, here’s an interesting article. Apparently I was clowning because the Gobi desert scene was filmed (probably? idk) with the tech from the Mandalorian. I think the studios were the same. Oh well. https://www.atlasofwonders.com/2021/06/loki-filming-locations.html

Episode 4: THE NEXUS EVENT

Pre-title scene

The new perspective of Asgard is incredible.

Oh baby Sylvie, what did they do to you. Also, RAVONNA??

The TVA through a child’s eyes is heartbreaking. The mixed use of shots that were familiar (the feet walking into the TVA) and new (the TVA logo on the floor) convey how though routine, this is an alien experience for Sylvie.

She too wants to help the man being dragged in. Maybe Sylvie was a better person than Loki, the TVA taking her away was what changed it.

We don’t see Casey, but iIt’s the same ‘sign here’ guy. The changing perspective and music really alters the mood created, contrasting the whimsical procedure we followed in episode one.

She hadn’t even said much in her life. They knew how to influence the audience’s emotions, that's for sure. Props to the actress, I felt genuine concern for her before I remembered that she’s acting.

TVA

Ravonna probably underestimated Sylvie as a Loki, a mistake that cost her greatly.

The golden doors.

Ravonna looks tense and a bit fearful.

Scattered throughout the episode are eyes watching. George Orwell’s 1984, anyone?

Big Brother is watching.

Mobius! He’s a good friend to Ravonna, but there’s a power imbalance.

Ravonna is shaken. Her past failure is haunting her.

Someone edit the “What? How?” into “Wow.” It’ll be a service.

Lamentis - 1

Loki’s apology and Sylvie reflecting on her childhood are the conclusion to the previous episode. Faced with death, Loki realises that her goals were hindered by his actions. His apology is the first time he acknowledges he had something to do with it. Sylvie’s offering her emotional vulnerability in the form of memories. Her mind and experiences are her most prized possession because they’re all she has of the person who she was as Loki, her childhood and what she was supposed to be. Her glorious purpose, what really makes a Loki a ‘Loki’ was her life.

THEY TRUST EACH OTHER. THIS WAS WHAT CAUSED THE NEXUS EVENT.

C H A R A C T E R D E V E L O P M E N T.

Ravonna pointed out that Loki will always be a “lying scourge” but they went against this. In any timeline, this could cause a nexus event. They found a middle ground.

“That should be setting off alarms if someone steps on the wrong leaf.” I had a whole idea about entropy and the timeline being an isolated system but I struggled to define an isolated system, and thus I couldn’t use the whole irreversible process causing entropy to grow causing a br- if you have a clue of what I’m going on about, or want to know more, I’ll explain my thoughts. I can understand why this isn’t scientifically accurate and I’m no physicist.

The unbranched timeline means all the things that were speculated - Wanda’s kids, what happened on Saakar, all of it - is gone.

“Any news on C - 20?”I called it! B-15 is having doubts! Her subtle unease building up throughout the ep is perfect!

Most settlements have a street design that can be from space. Sharru doesn’t.

“No. We may lose... ...you’re amazing!” Damn it literally took the end of a world for Loki to change as a person.

“Their smiles. If that isn’t people accepting their deaths I don’t know what is. Man, I just want both of them to be happy.

Please don’t let that be the love theme, it’s so pretty.

The music fading into the TVA theme as they get separated is so sad.

Time Theater 25

Back to square one in terms of trust with these two, but now they have history and hurt feelings too!

Oh Mobius.

Cycles are a part of who Loki is within Norse mythology (from what I know, correct me if I’m wrong). This scene is conflict.

Loki needs both Mobius and Sylvie to incite change. One can empathise whilst the other believes in him.

Mobius believes in Loki like no one else in the TVA. He treats him like an individual, they developed a bond in episode 2, so his disappointment and anger were genuine. This is reflected in their dialogue.

Even when Loki was going through all the Feels in ep 1, he didn’t shout at Mobius. It makes it more heartbreaking when Mobius laughs and dismisses him after the “TVA is lying to you” thing. His laugh was so bitter, it’s like his belief that Loki would be the variant to prove that variants were individuals had been shattered. What Mobius doesn’t realise is that Loki was genuinely trying to warn him. The trust between them was fragile but Mobius needed to come to his own conclusions before he could see that Loki had broken out of the mold the Time Keepers set for him.

“Just kind of an asshole and a bad friend.” Y’all, Mobius doesn’t rise to Loki’s baits. He’s so hurt.

I can’t be the only one that thought Loki was going to be brainwashed when they saw the red door. Turns out it’s just a time cell.

I love Mobius but he makes me feel so conflicted. Oh shit, he’s my problematic fave.

Watching Loki get his ass handed to him by Lady Sif shouldn’t be this funny.

This particular memory reflects what Mobius will talk about later, Loki being abandon by the people around him.

Putting Loki through a memory that was physically and emotionally painful was nasty. If you hear something horrible, over and over especially from a friend it would take a toll on your self-perception. Mobius was hurt by Loki leaving him, he’s getting revenge whilst doing his job and getting into Loki’s head.

Ravonna’s office

Ravonna has hang ups from failing with Sylvie. Who she is and what she knows is going to be interesting.

Heck I just realised are Mobius’ lapels not real? They look fake.

I wonder whether the “mastermind” thing was foreshadowing the next ep.

Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t the first Loki Mobius has dealt with? Could that mean there’s a reunion next ep?!

“Variant pet.” There’s a culture of dehumanising variants within the TVA.

The cuts showing both B-15 and Mobius’ faces reminds me of ep 1, but now there’s a new angle to things. B-15 certainly sees things differently.

Time Theatre 25

Lady Sif would kill with short hair. Or long hair. It’s Lady Sif, she’s a badass.

Loki’s exhale reminds me of how he tenses before a fight.

Notable things about this scene:

Heavy use of metaphors to trade jabs.

The lights are shifting in a consistent pattern, scanning the room almost.

Shots are constantly moving and cutting.

Loki’s speech pattern changes when he’s lying. Nice touch there.

When they start arguing in earnest, the shots are close ups of their faces, not circling around each other.

Loki was at first willing to talk to Mobius if he was treated with respect, the way they engaged in episode 2. He also wants to trust that Mobius won’t kill him. Mobius dismisses him (rightly so, his trust is gone) and Loki’s pride about ‘not working for anyone’ gets in the way rather than listening to each other. Loki’s behaviour is cyclic and his lying about Sylvie affirms Mobius’s understanding that Loki won’t (or maybe can’t) change. I wouldn’t be too surprised if Mobius is a Loki, the man’s uncannily good at reading him. He deduces that Loki and Sylvie have a bond and unsettles Loki to get answers out of him, because he knows that’s the only way he can force Loki to reveal his cards. He definitely wasn’t expecting Loki’s earlier admission to be the truth. What Mobius did was not right, but it sure was effective.

“No. Not partners.” I believe this. They had an understanding, but their goals differ. Maybe just give Sylvie her own show.

“Guess you don’t do partners.” MOBIUS WHY ARE YOU SO BUTT-HURT? Probably to make Loki feel bad ik, but it’s still funny to think Lightning McQueen is salty.

That memory really hurt Loki. He stuttered.

Loki fixates on Sylvie rather than his own freedom. This was the cue to Mobius to start interrogating.

Bruh, the feeling they were experiencing better be friendship.

This made me uncomfortable because I was so sure we weren’t gonna get a romantic subplot that I related the characters to my actual family relationships. Marvel. Why?

The music combined with Mobius’ subtle shift in demeanor from irritated to mockery was very unsettling to me. I never realised how good an actor Owen Wilson was.

“Our interests are aligned.” Once Mobius tells him the truth, Loki does the same. I really hope this is the extent of their relationship. Just let them recognise one another as equals. Please Marvel.

Mobius’ hands twitching, the slight swallow. Yeesh, he certainly doesn’t think Loki’s lying, but he’s not about to accept it.

Loki’s head shake is sad. He knows he can’t convince Mobius.

“That I can respect. I mean the lies you tell yourself.” This was the best writing imo. Loki doesn’t make any final attempts to connive his way out of the situation because telling the truth to someone he’d trusted had failed. He willingly walks into the Time Cell.

Time Theater 47

B-15 being unable to support herself, having to rely on the structures around her to stay upright. This woman deserves so much y’all.

WE NEED HER NAME MARVEL.

You better appreciate her beyond shipping her with Sylvie or istg.

The music is so mournful. It just emphasises how much everything changing is going to hurt not only the main characters. Lives change because of the TVA and the events of this episode, it’s not overlooked by the writing or music.

The poster and the 1984 parallels. Exquisite!

Sylvie not sitting straight made me snort.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

More Theremin music! This time I’m pretty sure it’s Carnival of the Animals, XIII. Le Cygne (the Swan) : Le carnaval des animaux: No. 12, Le cygne (arr. For theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore.

Fun fact! Clara Rockmore influenced theremin music and the instrument and was a virtuoso of the instrument. Give her a google, it’s worth it. Also look up Leon Theremin, he was (among other things) a Soviet spy. There’s a great Wiki spiral for anyone there.

Mobius was probably being lined up for a high position in the TVA. Damn.

TemPads are personal, or have different levels of clearance.

Mobius didn’t stop interrogating Ravonna throughout that scene. He knew that she wasn’t telling him the whole truth.

Sleight of hand wasn’t shown how Loki and Sylvie do it, they didn’t use misdirection.

Ravonna knows something is up with Mobius. Maybe he hasn’t been around for long if this is his ‘career case’.

The pacing becomes really fast like in the end of episode 2 as conflicts get resolved. Buckle up comrades.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I don’t have much to add, it’s a powerful scene.

They use close ups whenever a truth bombshell is dropped.

The music varies considerably between these scenes, each one has a different tone.

“We’re the same.” With what she knows of B-15, Sylvie knew not to be smug when delivering the news about B-15’s life.

B-15 crying in the rain hurts.

��I looked happy.”

TVA archives, Time Cell, Time Theater 25

The floor opposite Mobius is FE3, above it is 3FG.

Oh Mobius.

C-20 deserved better, I'd love to see her later in the series.

The music goes from mournful to harsh and we’re left in silence when it cuts to the Time Cell.

“You told me to shut up.” Loki can be salty sometimes.

“Do you really think you deserve to be alone?” Mobius is rattled, he wants to unsettle Loki.

The music starts to build somewhere between “...your connection... “ and Loki saying “‘WE?’”

The faint tinkling reminds me of the Avatar (blue people) score.

“How about the word of a friend?” This is Loki’s olive branch. When he admits Loki was right, their trust is tentatively reinstated.

The music is finally back to that chaotic theme we know. I think it’s the TVA’s theme.

“You can be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean just in case anyone ever told you different.” Mobius corrects what he says in the first ep.

They are friends y’all I’m so sad.

Mobius can lie through his teeth like it’s nobody’s business.

Pruning hurts, Mobius’ face is in agony.

Loki’s tears. GIVE THEM ALL JETSKIS.

Ravonna takes a moment to compose herself.

Time Keepers (the final smackdown)

Why are the last 10 minutes always so insane?

Loki’s eyes only show hurt. I’ll leave.

Ravonna’s so sharp, she instantly catches Sylvie’s wet hair.

All of our expectations from the trailers always get yeeted out of a window because the scenes are never really what we think they are. I get that that should be expected but it’s refreshing that the writing is never what we think it is.

Did anyone else notice the egg timer/infinity sign murals on one of the hallways to the left of Sylvie?

Ravonna is so cold (and yet I’d simp for her).

The M.C. Escher staircases I see you set designers/CGI folks.

B-15 just gets knocked out. They better not kill her for no reason or I riot.

I’m pretty sure that Sylvie ripped off one of Ravonna’s TVA badges (or buttons) when she fought her.

Sylvie’s the better fighter, she’s had to use it more often though.

The elevator doors stay open.

It would be so funny if we get an elevator scene where Sylvie is just dragging Ravonna somewhere.

They really led us on with the Time Keepers, particularly the middle one. I was somewhat convinced there’d be something more to it. I’m interested to see where it goes.

Ep 4 review

I really don’t have much to add with these last two episodes. I’ve definitely come to appreciate that no matter whether you liked the writing of the show or not, it’s never what you expect. Is that a good thing? I guess that that remains to be seen. Nonetheless, I appreciate how much effort went into this series. It’s been a fun romp, I’ll be back with my reviews of the final episodes. I’ll also stop posting Loki content to my blog because the Gods know that my followers don’t read this lol.

I’m just going to survive until the season is over and then hopefully keep my sanity together until the next Marvel content or at least Dr. Strange.

Here's the link to my episode 3 review.

Thank you all for being here, you're wonderful my loves.

[zukunftsvision]

of course the raven cycle

SEND ME A FANDOM AND I’LL TELL YOU: 

the first character i ever fell in love with: adam look i know he deserves no rights for like all of tdt and bllb, but just the stupider and angrier and messier he got the more i was just like stop but yes <3 

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: i don’t think there are any ???

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: i thought blue/adam was kinda cute but … no... and the way everything ends up is nice

my ultimate favorite character™: adam tbh 

prettiest character: justin malory ( by @mystizismus ) u don’t get prettier than that, also orla???? blue w nici’s fc holy shit… but also adam he’s babey 

my most hated character: the gr*y man sorry i just can’t ????? deal w the fact that there was a non-ironic redemption/happy ending for a hitman?? and the one who killed ronan’s father no less??? this is an elaborate practical joke it must be 

my OTP: all of them bro …. prokovinsky pynch pynchvinsky sarchengsey just.. yes <3 everything growing and shrinking to three + pynchvinsky is truly the most galaxy brained idea just yes two hands two boyfriends ,,, they all need that much love ,,, and pynch rly makes me heart happy too oof i love them a lot… but also ,,, i was Sold on reading this series after 2 years of procrastinating bc of luna’s descriptions of the dead boy dreamed back to life by deeply troubled best friend concept ( and of k ) even though i knew it wasn’t gonna be a major part of the narrative… even if they are messy and confusing and have so much shit to work through to actually be good for each other ... my heart OP i love them

my NOTP: maura/the gr*y man… like why ugh maura wouldn’t put sb that dangerous near her daughter … basically everyone following me here has witnessed me rant abt why this is Bad but like … margaret WHY 

favorite episode/scene: the substance party ( ronan simps hard in this ch but also get out of the car bitch he said amiably … perplexing and i love it ) … ronan leaving k’s texts on read… ouch… “your hands are very cold” / “i’ve been dead for seven years”... but for wholesome things any interaction between ronan and noah with special mentions for noah being thrown out a window and “i have a bad feeling about this” / “it’s called being dead” / “that’s the sort of joke that’s only funny if you’re alive” / “good thing i am then” … RENT FREE OPS 80% of my internal monologue is me remembering that and giggling

saddest death: no spoilers allowed ,, but i think abt noah and proko dying all the time it’s so cursed jffjkdjbg 

favorite season/book: the dream thieves !!! i think that’s when the story starts to really become compelling and the characters start taking over ur mind, although bllb is also very spicy also, i feel like that’s where adam has a lot of development 

least favorite season/book: the raven boys i guess?? it took until noah’s reveal for me to be rly invested in reading the whole series, up until that point i was just pushing through to get to book 2

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: ronan and adam and also gansey and kavinsky just… all are trash but also?? gwen???? what a chaotic piece of trash omg

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: okay noah OF COURSE, all of k’s trash boys even though cinnamon roll def doesn’t describe any of them, but especially swan as written by @treppenwitzz​ ... we stan a himbo with a dorky car and nothing but love for his friends… also matthew deserves the entire world nothing bad would even have to happen to him and he’d still deserve better

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:  i had to think abt this one bc i only ship things that are slightly problematic not soul cleansing wrong, but …. kavinsky/gansey…. it would be ??? probably a huge mess of rampant jealousy from every imaginable direction but i’d love to see it 👀  

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: bluesey… calla/persephone, other combinations of the eurotrash boys all of them have the potential to be very very Cute and all it will take is Permission to be invested, i rly love adam/gansey and ronan/gansey as unrequited and/or mutual simping but im not super invested in them as actual Things,,, i’m sure there are many i haven’t thought of 

[therockerfromspace]

What the hell is going on with the Grammys - a massive master post.

 Buckle up; this is a mess.

So as we all know, Grammy nominations came out on Tuesday. And... whew there’s a lot to unpack. So this master post is (hopefully) going to explain all the different strands of this. 

A disclaimer before we start: this is in no way bashing the artists who have been nominated. I am sure they all work immensely hard and although they submit themselves, most of them have 0 say in the nominations process. For the love of God - we’re not going after any individual artist. 

(also, just for clarity and conciseness: this post is going to focus on the “Big 4″ in terms of nominations - Best New Artist, Record of the Year, Song of The Year and Album of the Year). 

So - Best New Artist. As a category I’m happy with all the nominees - the criteria is weird as hell though (basically you can just keep submitting yourself up to 3 times? and it doesn’t matter how far into your career you are? ok I guess). I’d love for Phoebe Bridgers or Megan Thee Stallion to take it personally, but I’m happy with all the nominees. It’d be nice to see Blackpink get an acknowledgement but they could end up getting nominated next year because of eligibility dates. So yeah, no major issues with Best New Artist. 

Just to clarify before we move on - Wikipedia has better definition of the difference between SOTY and ROTY so I’m just going to paste it here:

Record of the Year is awarded for a single or for one track from an album. This award goes to the performing artist, the producer, recording engineer and/or mixer for that song. In this sense, "record" means a particular recorded song, not its composition or an album of songs.

Song of the Year is also awarded for a single or individual track, but the recipient of this award is the songwriter who actually wrote the lyrics and/or melodies to the song. "Song" in this context means the song as composed, not its recording

ROTY: Record of the year ... it’s very safe. Rockstar, Say So, Everything I Wanted, Don’t Start Now, Circles and Savage were all expected. The Black Pumas song is an outlier but normally there’s a couple of smaller songs on the nominees list so not a complete surprise. Black Parade is also a bit of a turnup - it’s a great song and obviously had some momentum this summer but wasn’t huge . I was surprised not to see The Weeknd in this category (more on that later); would have nice to see BTS on the list but again, not shocking. 

SOTY: A mix? I guess? Most of it is overlap from ROTY - but there’s a few different songs in the way of Cardigan, I Can’t Breathe and If The World Was Ending. Personally, I’m really happy that Cardigan and I Can’t Breathe are in there - my personal favorite would be I Can’t Breathe Winning. “If The World Was Ending” ... was there I guess? So congratulations. 

AOTY: Oh boy. AOTY is a mix. So the less surprising inclusions: Folklore and Future Nostalgia. I do genuinely believe it’s a tossup between those two now as to who wins AOTY - I’m going to give the edge to Taylor right now because she’s won it before for Fearless and 1989 but I’m not sure the Recording Academy would give it to her 1 in 4 years ish consistently. Then again, Taylor is a Grammys darling and 2nd highest Metacritic score of the nominations, so it wouldn’t shock me. I’m shocked HAIM are nominated in the best possible way (it’s my personal AOTY), but the rest ... I’m stunned by. Djesse Vol 3 is also great but I don’t think it has a shot; Chilombo was good but not brilliant, Black Pumas got in with a deluxe version (yes it’s a good album, but it’s going to be close to 2 years old by the time the Grammys roll round), I’m not a massive fan of Hollywood’s Bleeding but Post Malone’s commercial impact can’t be denied. Coldplay is the one I find most bizarre - it wasn’t a particularly good album nor did it stick around commercially. So yeah - it would nice for HAIM to take it (I think they have a shot of pulling a “Golden Hour” and taking it home) but I’d be shocked if it didn’t go to Taylor.

So. Yes, there were some snubs - I thought Harry Styles would get a SOTY nomination, I was also expecting BTS to sneak into a couple of categories; Phoebe deserved an AOTY nomination and Rina Sawayama deserved some recognition. However. 

WHERE THE FUCK IS THE WEEKND?

The Weeknd not getting a single nomination. How? No matter which way you look at it, Blinding Lights, should be up for ROTY or at least in the Pop categories. OK, so After Hours isn’t going to be one of the all time great albums, but you can’t look at that list and think “hmm, yes; they’re all objectively better than After Hours.” Because they’re not. That’s a fact. The Weeknd has spoken out against the Grammys in the past (which I’ll come to in a minute), but the truth of the matter is is that the Grammys are institutionally biased. Let’s roll back to 2015. In 2016, the nominees for AOTY were 1989, Beauty Behind The Madness, Sound & Color, To Pimp a Butterfly and Traveler. Thinking about this in terms of critical success, the Grammy should have gone to Kendrick for “To Pimp A Butterfly”. It went to 1989. Ok, so 1989 is a great album! and commercially, was the biggest selling album that year. So from, that (and the following year, where 25 won over Lemonade) we could deduce that the Grammy focuses on the album that’s made the most commercial impact. HOWEVER: if we carry this logic into 2021, none of the nominees make any sense. Surely if they did, then only Folklore and Future Nostalgia would be on their. No matter how you look at it, After Hours straddled the line of being inescapable for a year and of getting great reviews. It should have been nominated for AOTY and that’s the bottom line of it. 

So why wasn’t it?

Probably The Weeknd criticizing the Grammys previously didn’t help. But according to that bastion of news, TMZ, he was given the choice between performing at the Grammys or at Superbowl. The Weeknd negotiated, and agreed to do both. He was announced to be performing at the Superbowl on 12th November (link: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-54921206) . Grammy noms come out on the 24th, TMZ reports he was given the choice between Superbowl and Grammys about 8 hours after the nominations (https://www.tmz.com/2020/11/24/the-weeknd-ultimatum-grammys-super-bowl-performance-snub/) . Then, The Weeknd tweets this maybe an hour later (https://twitter.com/theweeknd/status/1331394452447870977). To add insult to injury, he went from being in “negotiations to perform” to no nominations. Now that’s a kick in the teeth.

A day later, the president of the Grammys, Harvey Mason Jr. does an interview with Variety (https://variety.com/2020/music/news/grammy-harvey-mason-weeknd-snub-show-1234839208/). Gives a load of non-answers as expected. But he does talk about the Grammy committee. 

We don’t know much about how the Grammy voting process works. If you’re a member, you listen to the songs in the categories and then vote. BUT THEN. The top 20 songs/albums go to the committee. There’s 20 people on the committee - some with direct links to labels and artists. So they could hypothetically pick songs ranked 15-20 and nominate then. Which is why I think The Weeknd was majorly snubbed. I think The Weeknd got into the top 20 in all the categories he was nominated in and the committee overruled. That’s my theory anyway. The Grammys have been problematic for years - but since I’ve been following then from 2015ish - they’ve been accused racism (lack of BAME winners), sexism (remember the “well women should make better music” comments in 2018 https://variety.com/2018/music/news/grammys-so-male-women-recording-academy-president-neil-portnow-1202679902/) and then the mysterious ousting of Deborah Dugan at the start of last year (https://www.vox.com/2020/1/26/21082057/2020-grammys-sexual-harassment-corruption-recording-academy-deborah-dugan-rigged-nominations). 

When Deborah Dugan was fired, she alleged sexual misconduct and voter corruption in the academy. (If I can find a copy of the original PDF I will, https://www.theguardian.com/music/2020/jan/22/suspended-grammys-chief-deborah-dugan-alleges-sexual-misconduct-in-recording-academy). But honestly the article speaks for itself. The grammys are corrupt, and not a true measure of artistic integrity. 

So, as much as I find them fascinating - let’s not give them any more weight then they deserve. If your fave has a nomination, great! If not, it doesn’t make them any less of an artist. 2020 has been a fabulous year for music, so let’s concentrate on that. 

It’s impossible to cover every aspect of the Grammys in one tumblr post, and well done if you’ve made it to the end. If anyone has any questions, I’ll try and answer them to the best I can. 

Thank you so much for reading! And Happy Thanksgiving, remember to donate to Native people today if you can - here’s a link to some places to donate https://twitter.com/MsKellyMHayes/status/1332000439378784261 !

[greatfay]

Sabrina

Ohhhhh boy.

my all-time ultimate fave character:

Ambrose Spellman. First of all who are his parents? How is he Sabrina’s cousin? Whatever. This man is so beautiful right like all the time, or 90% of the time, idk why the other characters don’t just record his voice and play it back whenever they have a dumbass moment, a sort of audio “What Would Ambrose Do” recorder because every single time, Ambrose ends up being riiiiight. And there’s still so much about him that’s gone unexplored imo. The Vatican plot, the group he was a part of, him grieving his boyfriend from season 2?? Just saying, considering the character of Salem was split into the not-talking Cat and Ambrose, he really should be more intertwined into the plot.

a character I didn’t used to like but now do:

Prudence. She also grew on me, though there’s some issues with this show’s writing and I think it comes from Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa trying to be Ryan Murphy in the worst way possible. Yes you can quote me on this, don’t @ me, argue with your mama. Prudence and her Weird Sisters are basically the Unholy Trinity of CAOS, except that unlike Brittany and Santana, Agatha and Dorcas never get real character development, and Prudence’s cold outer shell slowly melts only to pop back up unexpectedly and cruelly, so it’s like I like her! But then she’ll say/do things in random moments that makes it hard to like her because The Writing. Liiiike her blaming Ambrose at the end of Part 3 for that thing that happened. Also casting a person of color to play a fictitious fantasy race that calls other races “half-breeds” is never cool lmao, I’ve noticed this is a trend in fantasy, basically take your character who’s supposed to be a race supremacist and cast a black person to be them and suddenly it’s not as bad—it’s worse. And anyway I’d take a whole spin-off miniseries of Ambrose and Prudence with her TWO FUCKING SWORDS prancing across the Scottish countryside and down New Orleans streets on a quest. Geralt is shaking.

a character I used to like but now don’t:

Nick. I love a bad boy. I love a bad boy with layers. Everything about his character was supposed to be a tempting fruit to convince Sabrina to sign her name in the book, and for the most part it works!!! So the Dark Lord might ask you to sacrifice a baby here and there, you get to have magic! And do sex magic with Gavin Leatherwood. And I had very different expectations for where his arc would go in Part 3. Sulking was not a good look for him. Jealousy was also not a good look for him. And the foot thing was gross af. I don’t see how his character can remain relevant moving forward if he’s not even Sabrina’s friend, let alone her boyfriend.

a character I’m indifferent about:

Sabrina. At first, I liked her characterization because as much as I’m a sucker for magic, it would be hard to just ghost all your friends. Especially if you have real friends, people who would be there for you, people you know are vulnerable and want to protect. I liked Sabrina as this half-in/half-out girl who wants both worlds and does the right thing. I also don’t mind a hero who does shady shit to save the day because I’m all about that moral complexity. But now she’s a bit annoying, like pull out your moral compass and pick a point! So I feel nothing toward her. My positive and negative feelings cancel out.

a character who deserved better:

Lilith. She should’ve been Queen of Hell. That whole plot point should’ve been stretched out WAY longer, especially the “they’re praying to ME” scene. BUT. I’ll say this. As much as I would’ve liked a whole Queen Lilith/Church of Lilith thing, miss thang didn’t really market herself at all. Lucifer knew exactly how to get these people eating out of his hands, and Lilith does… nothing! When they prayed to her for the first time, she should’ve made all the statues cry milk, butterflies sing with the voices of the dead, and a rainbow appear in the sky. It’s about the Drama, she could’ve a whole following but spent the whole season being Sabrina’s Unholy Godmother. Which of course, is due to the Writing. I’m just surprised she never betrayed Sabrina, and also her getting stuck with her abuser again is disgusting.

a ship I’ve never been able to get into:

Sabrina/Harvey. They’re portrayed as endgame in the beginning but I knew he’d always be the thing holding her back from Plot Stuff, so he had to go; plus he never had a positive experience with magic and was never going to be onboard. Next is, surprisingly, Ambrose/Prudence. I really like the Sherlock/Watson thing they have going on, but Ambrose is just so nice and Prudence so blunt that they only have chemistry when they’re fucking, and tbh my “ships” are actual relationships, not fuckingships, there has to be shared emotional baggage and communication, which they didn’t have. Ya know what… Sabrina x Prudence. Now there’s a couple I would root for.

a ship I’ve never been able to get over:

Sabrina/Nick because it was the sneeze that never happened. Feels like I didn’t even see it onscreen. Next is Tommy/Life because he shouldn’t have died, and my OTP is Faustus/Jail because he’s a fucking creep.

a cute, low-key ship:

Theo/Robin. Listen… not only are they cute as heck individually, but together it’s too powerful. And it’s such a big deal that a trans masculine main character can be the object of someone’s affections that were so strong that the character in question betrays their own family, a group of mythical creatures and gods, to do the right thing and protect him. Runner-up is Zelda/

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it:

I don’t think I have one  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened:

Zelda/Faustus. Literally I vomit, I euuuughhh, euuuuughhh 🤢 listen I am not a woman, I don’t think I believe in incarnations? But watching their interactions triggered like… flashbacks in me as if I was a suburban housewife in the year 1958 and my husband will be home in 5 minutes and the “shrimp jello salad” I was supposed to have ready for him is a complete disaster and he’s going to beat me. I got Game of Thrones flashbacks watching their interactions.

my favourite storyline/moment:

When I actually thought Sabrina killed one of the Weird Sisters was a great moment for me personally, also liked the flashbacks of Lilith in the dawn of Earth, also loved Ambrose and Prudence’s adventures across the world.

a storyline that never should have been written:

That whole nightmare hallucination where Theo (before he changed his pronouns and name) woke up in a “boy’s body” was so intimately disgusting and terrible and problematic, it almost completely undoes every good thing about Theo’s storylines and the representation.

Harvey getting accepted to some artsy private school only to be haunted by nightmares of the Dark Lord??? Where did that go again? I forgot.

my first thoughts on the show:

Dark, creepy, stylish. I like it.

my thoughts now:

Messier, sometimes frustrating, still dark, still stylish. I like it? 

Ask me about a tv show/movie series/book series!

[lacependragon]

Let's hear some Qrow headcanons. Or James. Either or is fine. :D

Why not both?

Qrow

1: sexuality headcanon

He’s gay. I know this isn’t a super popular opinion among Qrow fans, but I consider his very strange attraction to women that hasn’t been relevant in three years a product of his old VA. Plus, sexualities can evolve, and people can hide the truth about themselves, even in a world without bigotry. I imagine it’s still easier to pretend to be straight in Remnant. Qrow being gay is something I’ve held for a few years, and it’s become genuinely important to me? And I can’t place why. But I think it has a lot to do with how I interpret his gender expression.

Also it’s a great way to shut down two NOTPs.

2: otp

James/Qrow. The be-all end-all of OTPs. The thing I have based my writing on for the last four god damn years. I will never, ever be over this ship. It is all I ever wanted. All I ever needed. And I got new content this volume.

(Now give me some more, CRWBY. Please. They get to interact once more, right??? RIGHT???)

3: brotp

Qrow and Tai. The concept of these two is just so fantastic. They raised those girls together. No one can stop me. They have been bros since they were in Beacon.

4: notp

It starts with and F and ends with Game. Second fastest I’ve ever gotten a notp at that.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Uh... Qrow didn’t start out with his sword. He built his sword for Beacon. He started out on a bo staff, much like Sun, bar all the extras. And he can still fight with it, if need be.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Qrow’s broken and sad and so much of the bad around him is directly his fault, and while he tried to give up, he survived, and now he’s trying to get better.

Take that how you will.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Nothing, really.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

He deserves to be a cinnamon roll.

James

1: sexuality headcanon

Gay. James is one of the few characters I never waver on with this. He has tried the straight thing but it didn’t work out. He’s pretty fine with the gay thing, and is open about it, too.

2: otp

Again, James/Qrow. Best OTP.

3: brotp

The concept of James and Winter’s friendship fascinates me. And James and Glynda’s history.

4: notp

James and Glynda. Just not into it.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

He has absolutely banged Ghira Belladonna. And no one can stop me.

6: one way in which I relate to this character

Sad tired leader figure who is constantly misinterpreted and thought to be malicious despite having the best intentions.

...Yeah that’s relatable.

7: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

James you are so bad at public speaking it’s genuinely painful.8: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

I say cinnamon roll. FNDM as a whole says problematic fave.

[beautifulpaxielreads]

End of the Decade Favourite Book Tag

Thank you to @storytime-reviews for tagging me in this.

1. High fantasy books that are obsession-worthy.

The Daevabad Trilogy by S A Chakraborty. The level of detail in the worldbuilding in this Muslim-inspired fantasy is just extraordinary. Bring on book 3!

2. Urban fantasy books filled with people you want as friends.

I loved Ace of Shades by Amanda Foody. Great characters and great plotting. Like Six of Crows but not. I need to reread this one!

Also the Six of Crows duology because how can I not mention it. Also I was kind of obsessed with Nina and Matthias for a while.

3. Portal fantasy you fall in love with multiple times.

I mention Harry Potter later on, but it still deserves a spot here. Every time I pick up one of these books they surprise me with how good they are.

4. Novella that just makes you sigh cause it’s so lovely.

The Gentleman's Guide to Getting Lucky by Mackenzi Lee. Short but very sweet and funny.

5. Historically inaccurate but laugh out loud.

I think it's actually pretty historically accurate, but I'm gonna have to go with The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee. It was my favourite read of 2018.

Also special mention to A Brief History of Montmaray by Michelle Cooper. The island this book was set on may have been fictional, but this book was wholly entertaining and I always like rereading the funnier bits.

6. Satire that makes you reconsider your whole world view.

I don't know if it counts as satire, but reading Scythe by Neal Shusterman really made me think about our world in a really profound way. I kind of want to reread it.

Also not a satire but Room by Emma Donoghue. It's told in such an original way.

Oh, and if you really want satire, how about The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde? I probably would have enjoyed it more if I had understood all the references to classical literature but I still found it interesting.

7. Happy, happy, happy, and sad, sad, sad.

Lovely War by Julie Berry. So thought-provoking and beautifully written.

Also I'm going to be unoriginal and say The Book Thief by Markus Zusak. Who hasn't been devastated by that ending?

8. No, I’m not too old for kids’ books, what are you talking about???

My two faves in this area are written for middle grade to teens, but I can't go past Sally Gardner's The Red Necklace and Eva Ibbotson's Journey to the River Sea.

Also The Magic Faraway Tree by Enid Blyton. Can't not include that one.

9. I’m also not too old for picture books either and never will be.

Angelina Ballerina by Katherine Holabird is a childhood favourite. Also anything illustrated by Juan Wijngaard and Kinuko Y. Craft, their work is just gorgeous.

10. Whoah, never expected that ending and to have that much fun!!!

I'd have to go for the Shadowfell trilogy by Juliet Marillier. The final book in the series, The Caller, was truly perfect and I was not expecting that at all.

Also The Twin's Daughter by Lauren Baratz-Logsted. That ending really threw me.

And how about the ending of The Seven Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton? I was confused about so many things in this book, but that ending was wasn't one of them. Such a fabulous twist - and one that actually made sense!

11. Like I’m scared, but I’m happy about it.

The Lie Tree by Frances Hardinge was wonderfully written, but incredibly unnerving. I had to swear off reading other books by her for a while because they were quite disturbing and dark. Even now I can't quite bring myself to pick up one of her books.

12. Classically favourite.

I remember really enjoying Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë. And I read it in the 2000s so it isn't really eligible for this list, but Mary Shelley's Frankenstein made quite an impression on me - it wasn't what I was expecting at all.

Honorable mention to Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen which I started reading but never finished for some reason. 2020 will be the year I do this because what I did read was delightful.

13. Party in your ears.

William Shakespeare's Much Ado About Mean Girls by Ian Doescher. Mean Girls (duh) as Shakespeare might have written it. I originally bought this as a paperback but then I realised I would probably get more enjoyment out of it as an audiobooks, given it was written in script format. Boy, was I right!

Also I've referred to this series in the next question already, but I can't not mention the latter two books in The Illuminae Files, Gemina and Obsidio, done in audiobook format. The full cast and sound effects combined to create true awesomeness. I still have to listen to the first book, Illuminae.

14. Boom!!! Pow!!! Wham!!!

The Illuminae Files trilogy by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff. So innovative and cleverly designed - and very, very well written.

15. Oh wow, this is me!!

It's got to be Harry Potter, doesn't it?! It's been such an integral part of my life - I was in the fandom for a good ten years. I queued up outside the bookshop on release days to get the last three books. I saw all the movies. It gave me my original OTP, Ron and Hermione. I would not be who I am today without those books and I still can't quite let go of this fandom in spite of its problematic aspects. These books made me.

16. I can’t stop thinking about this book.

A Sky Painted Gold by Laura Wood was absolutely the definition of magical. As soon as I finished it I wanted to go back to the beginning and read it again.

17. A book you got from Tumblr that made it to your fave.

I wouldn't say I got this from Tumblr directly, but it's Tumblr that enhanced my appreciation and love for it - and introduced me to an incredible fandom. It's The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins, of course. Can't wait for the prequel coming out in May!

18. A book you had high expectations for and then the author OVER delivered.

Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor. Like I really enjoyed Strange the Dreamer but the second book was on another level. All the plot threads were wrapped up in a really satisfying way and Laini Taylor is an insanely beautiful writer.

I had such fun making this list, it brought back so many memories of all the books I've read over the years.

Unfortunately I also wrote it in Tumblr mobile, so it took FOREVER to do, so I really can't be bothered to tag people. If you see this post on your dash and haven't done this challenge yet (and want to), consider yourself tagged.

Hope you have a great day, and if you've made it all the way to the end of this post, congratulations on your achievement! 🤣😁

[vecna]

Oohh for the fandom meme! Dragon Age?

Send me a fandom!

Oh boy, this is going to be spicy.

It’s also very Anders-negative, so apologies up front.

The character(s) I first fell in love with:

I’m actually not sure which was the FIRST, but it’s a tie between Morrigan and Alistair. I saw fanart of them going around at the time Origins first released, and that’s what got me to try the game! 

Alistair was a breath of fresh air, because at the time, I was used to warrior men in games being all Edgy and Rough, and he was the total opposite and a sweetheart.

And Morrigan was just instantly my goth wife, and had Claudia Black as a VA, so I was sold immediately.

Both still hold a special place for me!

The character(s) I never expected to love as much as I do now:

Loghain is the main one. He does a lot of truly reprehensible shit in the first game. But once I sat down and read the prequel novels about young Loghain, plus saw what he’s like if you recruit him, he grew on me A LOT and now he’s a top fave.

Nathaniel I expected to hate as soon as I saw his name + who his father was, but then the expansion came out and I ended up loving that dude almost immediately. I really wish he was around more after Awakening, and also really wish he’d been a romance option, especially for a Cousland haha.

Merrill is a weird one because she was totally uninteresting to me in DA:O, so when they announced her as a companion in DA2 I was like, “Ehhhh.” Then they punked me by making her adorable and sweet and now I love her.

Plus a bunch of side-characters like The Architect? I liked him a bunch in the novel + Awakening – although I found his Plan in the novel much more appealing. But as the years have gone by, I keep surprising myself at just HOW disappointed I am he’s never appeared again haha.

The character(s) everyone else loves that I don’t:

There’s a few, and all of them will get me yelled at, but here we go.

First: Isabela. This one’s a bit complicated, but it really just boils down to her attitude towards how you play your character. I actively dislike characters who are super sexual – regardless of gender. But Isabela in particular bothers me because she’s constantly pushing her lewdness and sexual humor on you, and when you try to discourage it, she admonishes you with, “Well, you’re no fun.” Her whole character is just… like that for me. Super pushy, overly lewd, gets uppity when you don’t have the same ~liberated~ opinions she does, and this is all played up in the writing like she’s this Empowered Woman the player absolutely must love, especially if they’re playing a male character lol. I hate her for the same reasons a lot of people hate Liara in Mass Effect, but with the addition of pushy lewd jokey characters always rubbing me the wrong way.

Second: Iron Bull. I’ve written a lot about why he makes me more uncomfortable than any fictional character I’ve ever encountered, and I just outright hate him, he makes my skin crawl. If you want details, feel free to DM me, I don’t really want to rant about it again publicly.

Third: Anders. Again, I’ve written a lot about him before, but. I hated him in Awakening, for a lot of the same reasons I hate Isabela in DA2. But the changes they made to him in DA2 are just kinda :/. While I absolutely agree with him about Mage Rights, the level of preachiness they added to him drove me nuts, and the fact that you’re painted as a Bad Guy if you don’t like him blowing up the chantry. And from a purely OOC standpoint: He’s become a figurehead for all the aggressive Discourse people in the fandom, and if I see someone list Anders in their sidebar bio, I know pre-emptively that their blog is going to be full of 6 page long essays of meta about how everything is Problematic, and no thanks.

To a lesser extent, I’m also not fond of Zevran. But in his case, it’s not anything major like the others, I’m just tired of Bioware’s habit of making the bisexual characters overly lewd sex-focused rogues/deviants.

The character(s) I love that everyone else hates:

Loghain, lol.

But also Sebastian Vael? There’s so much about him that I find genuinely fascinating, especially regarding his backstory, and his struggles between his feelings of responsibility to his family vs his dedication to the Chantry and bettering himself. He’s such a dear character to me, and such a pivotal part of any playthrough, I’m always blown away when I remember he’s a DLC character and many people don’t have him.

HOWEVER Anders being the fandom darling means that people tend to unfairly shit on Sebastian for reacting poorly to the Chantry explosion. People also like to label him as a poster child of a White Straight Church Boy, while refusing to acknowledge he’s… not straight, and not exactly a church boy either lol.

Also Vivienne, but I think that one’s really self-explanatory. I love her, and she gives a really needed perspective on the Circle, since most of the mage companions previously were apostates. But of course, she gets written off as a Chantry apologist, and an uppity bitch, when people would def love her for the same traits if she was not black lol.

The character(s) I used to love but don’t any longer:

Justice. And by extension, Anders. A lot of people like to rant about how Justice ruined Anders, but I always saw it the other way around.Justice was my favorite character in Awakening. The whole concept around him, that he was a Fade spirit who took human form and was experiencing life for the first time was SO fascinating. I felt like there was so much to explore there with his character.

Buuuut then they had him merge with Anders. With the narrative being that he WAS a spirit of Justice, but the moment he connected with Anders, it corrupted his entire spirit into something he wasn’t anymore. So essentially, the character I used to love no longer exists, thanks to Anders. And it reminds me of that phrase recently, about how the destination is so terrible you can no longer enjoy the journey? I can’t even appreciate Justice in Awakening anymore, knowing what happens to him.

To a lesser extent, Corypheus. He was SO COOL and the premise of him was AMAZING when he first appeared in the DA2 DLC, but then Inquisition had to go and turn him into a weird shallow mustache twirl villain.

The character(s) I would totally smooch:

None? Idk I don’t really have the Smooch Fictional Character gene.

The character(s) I’d want to be like:

MAEVARIS TILANI. May I one day finally have the confidence in my identity that she does, and also marry a sweet bear man who adores me.

The character(s) I’d slap:

Too many to list, really. Probably Anders.

The pairing(s) that I love:

THERE’S SO MANY. And most of them are with the PC, because I generally don’t ship NPCs together. But my top 3 are:

M!Hawke / Fenris is my ultimate OTP in the Dragon Age series, by a long-shot. Not even sure where to start on how much I love it, but two damaged guys leaning on each other to work through their respective loneliness and trauma is MY JAM. And lmao I love silver-sideburned Hawke chillin in retirement somewhere but being a supportive husband while Fenris goes off hunting the Bad Guys, it’s great.

Solas / Lavellan is a close second, with the caveat that I increasingly prefer it with a male Lavellan. Having the Inquisitor in love with Solas just changes the entire tone of the game for me, for the better, and him actually being the villain trying to end the world while in love with this normie elf is just (chef kiss). Too bad I’m burned out by how overly spammed it is.

Dorian / Inquisitor is in third, I will just always be fond of how it’s a story of the Inquisitor helping Dorian be happy with who he is, escape an abusive family, and realize that he’s allowed to be loved. Good shit good shit.

Some others:

Warden / Morrigan is probably my favorite Origins ship, and that only intensified with the way she talks about the Warden in Inquisition, esp if they’re Kieran’s other parent. What a cute goth family, regardless of the Warden’s gender, cause you can pry Bi Morrigan from my cold dead fingers.

Cassandra / Inquisitor might have a lot of Romance Cliches, but I adore it – although, similar others, I increasingly prefer it with a female Inquisitor. I actively dislike the weird no-homo rejection with her, and come on, a lady Inquisitor being her Knight In Shining Armor is just good storytelling.

Cullen / Inquisitor, for a lot of the same reasons as Cassandra. I love me a cliche romance, but I’m also fond of the narrative w/ him of someone he loves helping him heal through the lyrium withdrawals and take time to rest.

Josephine / F!Inquisitor is just adorable all around, and wholesome, and great.

Varric / Hawke COME ON HOW WAS THIS NOT AN OPTION.

On the rarepair end:

Sebastian / Hawke doesn’t seem like it would be a rarepair – you’d think everyone who loves Cullen/Inquisitor would love this one too. I do! But alas. That said, I’m also pretty aggro about this one with a male Hawke because SEBASTIAN IS CANON BI. WHY WAS HIS ROMANCE STRAIGHT.

Maric / Loghain is a rarepair I will take with me to my grave LOL. Never forget the scene where Maric thought Loghain was leaving, and bolted across the camp with almost no clothes on to beg Loghain to stay. Come on.

Nathaniel / Cousland is dear to me, and I love it so much more than Alistair / Cousland haha.

Greagoir / Wynne, I can’t believe this got validated in canon ahhhh.

The pairing(s) that I despise:

Again: THERE’S SO MANY.

Iron Bull / Dorian is my least fave by a longshot. Again, I have written about why I hate this pairing a great many times, but it’s awful and toxic and makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I could happily go the rest of my life without seeing anything about it ever again. Please keep poor Dorian away from that man. He deserves someone that doesn’t sexually harass him until he’s finally worn down into dubious consent (while drunk) and then outted to everyone about it.

Isabela / Fenris. Sorry, but it’s just bad writing that Fenris bails on Hawke because the physical intimacy triggered his PTSD and he needs space to process, but then will turn around and have a casual sex relationship with Isabela instead. Yikes.

Anders / Fenris. Aveline / Isabela. Alistair / Morrigan. All of the DA2 Hawke/companion rivalmances. I don’t enjoy “these two people hate and antagonize and want to kill each other… but they fuck” in any form.

Cullen / Amell. Yikes.

And basically ALL of the canon wlw pairings in this series suffer from the fact they have men writing them, and as a result they’re almost always some kind of abusive or racist, and skeeve me out. See: Celene / Briala, Leliana / Marjolaine, Branka / Hespith, etc. Please Bioware, I’m begging you to consult some actual queer women. It’s insane how badly they’re treated compared to how the canon mlm couples are written.

FINALLY, I recognize this will be the most unpopular of all, but. As much as I love M!Hawke/Fenris, I just honestly cannot stand seeing F!Hawke/Fenris. There are some pairings where I’m so attached to the m/m or f/f version, I cannot deal with the m/f version anymore, and that’s one of them. (The others are mainly non-Bioware.)

[nidhoggssoultrap]

My "Headcanon" (Nidhogg, Louie, and Yvette. Mostly Nidhogg) Part 1

This one is a long one, so I'll be splitting it into parts. I don't think I have ever had a headcanon list this long. Jesus...anyway,

I ship him with Louie shamelessly and without apology. I know that they are adopted brothers, but well, it doesn't stop me, and I hope you don't read Game of Thrones or Angel Sanctuary because BLOOD incest is CANON in both. Anyway, I started out shipping them in a "bitter ex" sense, but it quickly became a situation where Nidhogg wanted more than being a "brother and a friend" and Louie did not and it's unlikely that he ever would. This leads to a lot of heartache for Nidhogg, but he loves Louie very much and while he has attempted erotic things with him, he backs off when Louie refuses. The fact that Nidhogg is unwilling to set aside his feelings for Louie has actually saved him.

The outcome? While they do eventually reconcile, Nidhogg accepts the fact that they will never be anything more than brothers/friends. Louie ends up with Yvette. Nidhogg? Well, I dunno. Shade, for some reason, is creeping up.

Plotbunny: Louie visits Nidhogg at a base and tricks him into thinking that he has finally "seen the light" and it willing to not only side with the Dark, but to become lovers like Nidhogg wanted. They do what is known as a "grudgefuck" with Louie in control (alternate: Nidhogg tries to kiss him but Louie rebuffs him). Either way, Louie grabs Nidhogg by the chin and says, "There'll be a chance for 'us' when you bring Lunar back to me." (Alternate: After they kiss/grudgesex, Louie stabs Nidhogg in the heart and gets shot in the heart by Nidhogg. They die in each others's arms. "As it should be..." (well, according to Nidhogg).

2. I DO NOT ship Nidhogg/Yvette. She deserves better. That being said, she was never interested in him in THAT way. She only liked "the idea of him." In reality, while she did admire him and legit like him, she had no romantic/erotic interest in him at all. Nidhogg also was not interested in her in that way as well, in my headcanon, "he prefers the company of men." He viewed her as someone who was not only an image, but someone to "vent his spleen on". He did, however, come to view her as a friend, sister and maybe even a daughter. It's why he ended up getting "cold feet" and chose not to keep her and send her home. She was supposed to be sent elsewhere as part of a "quest" in order for Nidhogg to gain even more power. If he fails, then he will be "doubly cursed" with both the Blood Curse and a "Fail Curse."

He figured that there is still time and when he is on the losing end of the war, he kidnaps her again which leads to a very long and intense car chase between him and Nikki's group(Louie driving). This is basically a Louie vs Nidhogg and due to Yvette's actions at the end(she bites Nidhogg and tries to fight him, not caring about the blood curse or dying as she DID not want to end up "in a box" for the rest of her life), the car chase ends and a knock down drag out fight between Louie and Nidhogg begins. It ends in the latter's defeat, and he ends up "doubly cursed", humiliated by Louie(needlessly), and banished out of Miraland through a "transport tree". At least for awhile.

3. Speaking of kidnapping, I honestly believed that he actually drove out of Lilith with her. I thought that he "kidnapped" her because someone was after them and he took her to protect her. Hehe...yea, right. Still, I kept the idea that he drove her out of Lilith to the North Kingdom. As for kidnapping, I cringed how it was handled in canon, so I decided that he would be the one to knock her out with a sleeper hold and that kidnapping was 100% his own choice. She "knew too much" and well, see above.

4. Interesting to see Yvette as a "White Knight" because before I saw that, I did decide that she would become something like that. Like Louie. Nice coincidence. :)

5. Nidhogg speaks in a tenor with a soft-spoken tone. He has a tendency to whisper the final parts of his statements and is capable of sounding very sharp. Some say that he does that as a form of control. Louie says that he has always done that and admits that it sounds good. Nidhogg was a wonderful voice. When he actually sings(and in my headcanon, he does lolol), it's a high tenor range. Louie also sings, but it's lower.

6. Nidhogg drinks vodka/vodka drinks and Jaegermeister. It's one of his few "poisons/weaknesses". He does not, however, smoke or do any other kinds of drugs, except caffeine and vaped nicotine/cbd. He vapes though, but not heavily and it's not common to see him with any kind of mod/e-cig.

7. He has a tarot deck which people think odd considering his attitude about destiny(that, ftr, I generally agree with), but he does not view the tarot as destiny, but only guidelines/advice/warnings. The forecast is like the weather to him. Either way, it's not etched in stone. He likes the art anyway. His tarot deck is military themed. He does NOT overindulge in them as to him, such a thing is weakness that needs to be fixed. He is like that with a lot of things.

8. Like Louie, he can drive/fly anything. Louie is a better pilot/biker, Nidhogg is a better driver. Nidhogg drives a sleek, black, powerful, manual shift sportscar. I want to say BMW, but it could just as easily be a Jaguar. It's the car he was driving when he kidnapped Yvette both times. FTR, Louie was chasing him in a white Porsche. Okay, my biases/kinks are showing, but whatever. :p

9. I hope that Nidhogg ends up like Shield Anvil Itkovian (I highly recommend Memories of Ice and the Malazan series entirely):

"We are all pushed into a world of madness, yet it must now fall to each of us to pull back from this Abyss, to drag ourselves free of the descending spiral. From horror, grief must be fashioned, and from grief, compassion." - Itkovian

Itkovian was a warrior who served a war god. He was a mercenary and he was also the Shield Anvil. He fought in war as one of the leaders, but he also took the pain and suffering from others, took it upon himself and gave it to his God. When his god disappeared, he chose to take the pain of thousands of souls into himself. Because he is THE SHIELD ANVIL. I'd get more in detail, but I don't want to spoil too much. Itkovian is a cinnamon roll. Nidhogg is more of a "problematic fave", but still...

Anyway, I say this because I am aware that Nidhogg willingly took on the Blood Curse and refused to dull it. He, like Itkovian, knew that war causes suffering. The Shield Anvil alleviates that suffering and I suspect that Nidhogg would not mind doing the same thing:

"I did it. I should be the one to undo it." In my headcanon, Nidhogg wants to try to bring Lunar back. Yes, he has ulterior motives(See: Louie and he readily admits this), but he wants to do it anyway as it is still the right thing to do.

10. Nidhogg loves the moon and prefers silver over gold. He LOVES Onyx. He had his ears pierced since he was a teenager and got it done at a tattoo parlor. He tends to wear boot jewelry too.

11. His "animal totem" is the wolf. His temperament is similar to Griffith's of Berserk. However, there might be disagreements about dreams, depending on what one means by dreams. In Nidhogg's mind, ambition and dreams are two different things. You want to compare bad deeds? If you've read both Berserk and Love Nikki, then I think you can take a few guesses. To put it simply, externally, both are cool, calm and collected. Internally, there is a great deal of intensity that only shows in certain circumstances. Otherwise, they are both very laser guided and "tight-vested" with their hearts.

12. He has issues with Locco due to her well basically saying "If I must choose between being weak and being dead, I'd rather be weak for the dead have no dreams." She has her own "Fountain Scene" with Yvette. Nidhogg did not like this but he chose to leave it alone. He found it amusing when he found out that she suggested that Yvette make a "March Hare" design. He found it even more amusing when Yvette won an award for it.

13. After Yvette returned home from her first kidnapping, she developed a Jesse Pinkman attitude towards Nidhogg. What I mean is "HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS!" Breaking Bad fans will know what I'm talking about. So, I wasn't surprised when I later found out that Yvette did want him brought to justice for pretty much ALL of his actions, but especially against Lilith Kingdom.

14. Nidhogg has a foul mouth, especially when stressed. He is, however, no match for a sailor, but he can try. Heh. Obviously, as Prime Minister he is a lot more "clean."

15. His interests are actually similar to Yvette's but they have different tastes. Example: when it comes to say, the fantasy genre, Yvette prefers the more light-hearted fantasy in general. Nidhogg, otoh, prefers "darker fantasy" that is more rooted in reality.

16. He does not hate the clothing he designed for Lilith, he just does not generally wear them himself unless it's modified to his actual preferences.

17. I call his real name Heinrich, which is the Germanic version of Henry. FTR, I cannot stand the name Henry and prefer the NON-English version of the name. And really, I think Henrik is more suitable anyway. FTR, the name means "Ruler of the home." Nidhogg means "Curse-Striker." The name definitions are rather fitting for him.

18. He has a "Victory not Vengeance" philosophy(check out vnvnation.com) mentality. This means : "One should strive to achieve, not sit in bitter regret." He has lived by this all of life. One of the reasons why Louie is not dead.

19. Nidhogg is his "second name" that his parents had given him because he would suck on "Ygdrassil" licorice when he was a baby. He loves licorice and most often eats that brand. He also loves butterscotch, coffee(of all kinds), and peanut butter. He does not, however, have much of a sweet tooth beyond that.

20. Nidhogg was blamed for the death of his adoptive father. Not by Louie, but by other rumor mongering sorts. Reality: He had nothing to do with his adoptive father's death.

And yikes...I think that'll do. I do have more, but I can just make another post.

[trender-sollux]

anti anti discourse megapost

I’m probably not the Best Most Informed person to ask about this stuff but!! here’s the disc horse as I understand it. this is pretty much a tumblr formatted argumentative essay, so buckle up or scroll to the tl;dr as fast as you can.

(I’ll put it under a cut bc 1.) things are gonna get pretty controversial, and 2.) things got Very long Very fast.)

the bg (the intro paragraph)

in fandom, as most people know, people tend to ship characters together. it’s fun to think about what two characters may act like in a relationship, and this gives way for loads of innovative and unique content to be made around ships! communities can be built, friends can be made, and lots of original fan content can be made centered around shipping characters together!

now, everyone has different tastes in ships, whether it be gay straight or somewhere in between, as well as different tastes in dynamics! (take the fave ship dynamics art meme that’s been going around for reference on what that means lmao)

some people may not even like to ship anyone with anyone, choosing instead to focus on lore or more platonic but no less important relationships, which is also just fine!

la problema

there however is copious amounts of people who deem other people’s ships “problematic”.

this in and of itself is not the problem: whether the ship makes them uncomfortable because of:

a large age gap (typically of 10+ years)

one person being a minor and the other an adult

it being an incestuous relationship of any sort (whether by blood or not)

they don’t enjoy the dynamic of the characters (perhaps it’s an unhealthy or simply turbulent relationship)

that is not the problem.

people are allowed to be uncomfortable with pairings! it’s not something they can help! content reminding people of real world issues or trauma are especially touchy, and that’s understandable and completely okay.

people may even be uncomfortable with those that consume that content, whether they have a sound reason or just simply because they don’t like it (they don’t really owe an explanation), and if they should want that content tagged so that they can avoid it, or ask simply that people who like it and post about it not interact with them so that they can further avoid it, that is perfectly okay.

ships can squick people out or even badly trigger them (in the serious mental terminology way not the internet watered down ‘this makes me mad’ way)!

the real problem comes when you have people harassing others for ships they don’t like.

you have loads and loads of call out culture where hundreds of people ridicule targeted shippers for their problematic pairings, calling them pedophiles or incest supporters or whatever buzz word of the day is to make them out to be awful scummy people.

they make call out posts to “expose them”, get people on their side, tell them they shouldn’t enjoy this thing that makes them happy, and in a rather awful amount of cases, send death threats and attempts to dox them/leak their information, things that can ruin actual lives.

all over the enjoyment of fictional pairings.

you can replace “ships” with just “fictional characters” or “stories” and you have anti-fiction discourse, where people harass the fans (or authors/creators!) of specific “problematic” characters or stories the same way they do shippers.

(also, about to get real controversial here, but you could also replace shippers w/ fujoshi/fudanshi and get the same effect. I know that saying fujoshi are gross is the hot new trend, but anti-fujoshi are just as bad as anti-shippers. I’m significantly less qualified to talk on that and I can link some really great posts if you want more info on that mess, but for now I’ll just say I’m pro-fujoshi and go.)

(if you go through the vld ship tags, I guarantee you will run into a lot of this for reference, though tw for death threats and A Lot of them. kl@nce has an infamous anti following, and anti-sh@l@din has a very fervent following as well.)

these people commonly refer to themselves as the broad and catch-all term “anti”. anti-insert ship here, anti-insert character here, anti-insert story here. they are against them, those who create content for them, and those who just sit back and enjoy them.

why that’s bad

at first glance, this seems like a good thing.

after all, people who consume that content must condone it, right? why else would they enjoy it? and if they condone such awful things, they’re awful people and they must deserve whatever happens to them! they’re dangerous! they deserve threats and misery and the loss of their jobs! they don’t deserve to be happy! they don’t deserve to be alive!

this mentality is really why a lot of antis end up being young people with an interest in activism. social activism is a good thing, after all. raising awareness about real problems through a social platform is a good thing.

it also tends to attract young trauma survivors who went through similar experiences as those portrayed in fiction.

not all antis are young/naive. that’s too much of a scapegoat (that they already use themselves too much). there are a lot of adult antis.

however, a lot of anti rhetoric is specifically targeted at minors. some antis will go out of their way to harass adults that make explicit content for other adults, saying that they are predatory for making it because it makes the anti uncomfortable.

I’m not saying I was immune either; for a while I thought that was just.

antis have a tricky way of worming themselves out of responsibility like that, after all. they make the victim out to be deserving of punishment, whatever it may be, whether it be some public humiliation or threats or leasing information that could put them in real actual danger (which is illegal, by the way.)

I never participated in death threats or anything (they made me,, really uncomfortable), but for a while, at very least, the public shaming made sense.

however, this doesn’t actually help trauma survivors. it doesn’t help people that actually go through horrible situations like the ones depicted in fiction. it doesn’t help those who are groomed by pedophiles, or abused by family members, or in abusive relationships.

what it does do is bully and ridicule people for something that inspires them and brings them happiness. people who did nothing wrong.

this is commonly referred to as performative activism.

you take the name of something vile and awful, and use it to say you are doing something for the greater good, a righteous and necessary evil, but really you are doing nothing at all. nothing progressive to help those in need, nothing daring or brave, nothing to make the world a better, kinder place. nothing.

it can be done out of the desire to help, or the desire to make a difference as someone who isn’t sure how, but your intent isn’t the issue on the table. the fact is that anti rhetoric hurts innocent people.

walking through common anti talk points (q&a)

now, I know that there are people who interact w/ my tiny blog who are antis, and actually one of my super tiny follower count is an anti (which I’m a lil sad about bc they have super cool art and a generally positive blog; not to be indirect but I also don’t wanna be like Hey I Don’t Agree With You In Particular. like nah they’re really cool actually and I hope they’re having a chill day), and for you antis reading this, you may be thinking, “sol, I see what you’re saying, but I’m not convinced antis are all that bad!”

well, it’s time for a lil bit of q&a!!

What makes problematic content innocent?

the content itself isn’t hurting anyone.

content, online especially in this day and age , is oftentimes tagged to make sure no one is triggered by the content they want to enjoy. if not tagged, usually descriptions or summaries include warnings. if not in the summary, ratings (like in movies) are also a good indicator of what you should look out for.

let’s say, for example’s sake, someone ends up ignoring the warning and consuming the content anyway, and ends up hurt because of it.

the content is not at fault, the willful ignorance of the person is.

What if they didn’t know to read the warning?

they were still warned. this should be taken as a learning experience, and they should be more careful in the future. it may sound harsh, but not knowing how something works isn’t exactly any excuse. people aren’t exempt from consequences because they didn’t know how something works.

What makes the creators of problematic content innocent?

a lot of people have the misconception that if someone makes content for something, they think it’s okay or would do something like it in real life.

this is not inherently true.

I’m not saying there may be predatory content creators out there, but that definitely does not mean that all content creators that produce things with dark themes always always think that it’s okay in real life.

there is such a thing as exploratory fiction. this is where although you know something is bad and dangerous, you’d like to know more about it and envision scenarios around it from a safe environment. writing or making art won’t leave you with permanent life ruining trauma, but you still get to explore that concept and sate that curiosity.

exploratory fiction can even be used as a coping mechanism for trauma survivors! that’s right!! some of the exact same trauma survivors that antis claim to want to protect and give voices to are some of the people hurt by their rhetoric.

my own traumas and potential anecdotes aside, I don’t really know much about this topic and as such I’ll let other survivors get more in depth/talk more personally if they’d like (as no survivors deals with their trauma the same way), but I know for a fact that exploring something that hurt you badly in the past can be an excellent way for someone to better understand themselves, what they went through, and better cope with what happened.

it may seem like making light of a bad situation, but it’s their trauma to deal with, not anyone else’s. no one can tell them that they’re reacting wrong. if it makes them happy and isn’t inherently hurting anyone, it shouldn’t be taken away from them.

(I’ve seen anti rhetoric directly harm trauma/abuse survivors and for their privacy I won’t name them but don’t come @ me w/ your “But I’m A Trauma Survivor And I’m An Anti” junk. I’m not saying you can’t be a trauma survivor and an anti. I’m simply saying that antis can’t exactly be counted as completely innocent and uwu-unproblematic either.)

What makes the fans/consumers of problematic content innocent?

by reading something or looking at something, did you just hurt somebody?

did you read this book or look at this art and in doing so just ruin someone’s entire life by violating them or some other heinous act?

no. that’s not how anything works ever.

by writing about murder, did someone just take a knife and kill someone? did someone die because they wrote a book? is every murder mystery author actually a murderer?

no. (but that would make an excellent murder mystery novel. an unreliable narrator who is revealed to be the murderer all along lol writing prompt)

by that same token, reading about someone dying doesn’t make you a murderer or as good as one.

people may come to realize things about themselves through fiction, as access to terminology and information may help them develop, but someone can enjoy fiction simply because it makes them happy and they enjoy it.

But consuming problematic content can inspire someone to do something problematic! Fiction affects reality!

taking inspiration from something and putting something into action are two entirely different things.

assuming a person has the presence of mind not to be so susceptible to suggestion that they do everything they see on tv, fictional content on the damn internet shouldn’t be any different.

But what about Jaws? Shark hunting saw a huge spike after its release because people were all afraid of sharks because of it!*

people were already afraid of sharks. people probably already wanted to hunt sharks, dude. what do you think inspired the original movie?

I mean, a huge carnivorous fish with rows and rows of teeth? and it occasionally came up and just took chunks out of people?? it was horror/thriller material just begging to be used.

shark attacks definitely got more publicity because of the success of the movie, but if you think there wasn’t a fear of sharks before Jaws, you’re either super dense or super short sighted.

also, if you think hunters won’t hunt something just because it’s super big and scary, you have never met a hunter. Jaws’ story is not exactly the perfect comparison to the average person minding their business who would never ever consider doing something heinous.

if someone already wants to do something, they will do it whether or not they have fiction to blame for it. they may never consume that fiction and still do it.

they are the screwed up ones, and it is not because they consume screwed up fiction. that is correlation, not causation.

fiction in and of itself does not affect reality. it is the people who use fiction as a scapegoat to weasel themselves out of the consequences for their actions who say it do.

Does that mean that all fiction is exempt from criticism?

hell no. in fact, fuck no.

fiction can still be bad. fiction can be piss poorly written. the characters can be well presented but executed poorly. the designs might be good but they might not make sense. the anatomy might be fuckin wack and the story might not go anywhere. it might just be pure self indulgent nonsense that no one on earth but the creator enjoys.

this does not mean anyone gets the right to completely forget all sense of human decency and make people feel like shit for the things they created.

as a creator, creating stuff is hard. it takes time energy and practice.

some professional artists’ work aren’t really my thing and their work may make me a little uncomfortable to look at, but I’m not all in their comment sections making their days worse. I recognize that they put time and effort into it, and they may not even be too confident about it!!

sometimes the nicest things you can say is absolutely fucking nothing. however, if you have to say something mean, if you have to give those damn two cents, at least recognize that there is a real human being with thoughts and feelings on the other side of your screen, and they’d probably appreciate some manners and maybe some well wishes for the trouble. no sense belittling people when you can uplift them and inspire them to do better instead.

Does this mean you hate antis?

in any other post I would just say yes. I hate their rhetoric and the awful shit they put creators and fans alike through. however, because this post is informative, my precise answer is not technically.

I do not wish harm on antis. I don’t wish death on them. they deserve their privacy as much as anyone, and I won’t harass them though they may harass others.

I think the things that they do is often times abhorrent and I think that their toxicity is largely a contributing factor in how draining fandom culture has become and I hate that. I hate feeling unsafe in spaces meant to be fun and community driven. I hate looking through blogs to make sure I don’t accidentally come into contact with someone who may potentially try to dox me because I read a comic they think is garbage.

however, I don’t think all antis deserve real hatred. some are simply misguided and don’t do this super invasive awful shit. even if they do this awful shit, I still hope they can change for the better and address their issues, apologize even if they can’t/won’t be forgiven, and become happier chiller people who can focus their energy towards better things.

like... I don’t think I hate them as much as I hate who they are right now. despite what another bit of anti rhetoric says, people aren’t static. even if it doesn’t excuse what they’re doing and consequences will find them accordingly, they deserve room to grow. all people deserve room to grow. they aren’t entitled to my forgiveness, nor my time, nor company, but I wish the best for them at the end of the day. I hope this passes for them and they learn better.

and w/ that I think we’re done!

I think that about explains everything I know, and while at the time I’m writing this it is very late and I’ve been staring at this for a few hours now, I don’t think I’ve missed much of anything!

if I’ve missed a talking point you’d like to see explained, have any questions this post doesn’t answer, or have a post that disproves anything I said, my ask box is always open!!

I humbly request that any debate that may happen on this post if any stay polite and sexy. negativity earns yourself a hearty block from me bc it’s my blog and I do what I want. take it to dms if you must but please don’t be all up and rude. this may not be the most polite and neutral post around but I don’t think any argumentative piece is. I am in fact opinionated and I won’t present both sides of the argument as equal when they quite clearly are not, thank you.

tl;dr

antis are harmful to the very people they claim to protect and stand for and can do better things w/ their time like ride a bike or roll in some grass. they can go step on an entire bucket of legos. just plunge their feet in the sharpest of lego bricks. I hope all their library books are dog-eared to death and their internet is slow. I wrote an entire essay on this practically for over 2 hours no breaks. I’m tired. I’m more tired of their shit but I’m tired.

* this was a real and original argument I saw to justify fiction affects reality that I saw while I was scrolling someone’s blog. it sucked bc the rest of their blog was pretty positive and cool and I even wanted to follow them but like,, ya know, yikes. they seemed condescending and close minded and I was outta there.

edit: this is actually being posted bc it’s been brought to my attention that the antis have already taken to “calling me out” (lmao okay jan) so like. this is wildin - I’m by no means an influencer (I have?? 8 followers. I’m not actually famous.) nor have I been super vocal about it thus far but like,, my dudes I am laughing this is exactly what I knew would happen and I still manage to be surprised.

[hamliet]

(1) Wow, I didn’t expect you to reply so quickly. Thanks!

(2) Hmmm…I see your points. Still, I’m flashbacking to Daenerys’ first meeting with Jon, during which she basically said she deserves the throne because she’s suffered. If she had said that in the context of her not wanting anyone else to be oppressed like she had been, hence her campaign to end slavery, then it would have been touching and inspiring.

(3) Instead, at that moment at least, she acted as if people like Sansa and Cersei didn’t suffer something similar to get where they are now. Or that Missandei and Grey Worm also suffered before she arrived (though the “white savior” undertones are problematic). Or that countless other nameless people suffered without ever getting the chance to seize power for themselves.

(4) I hope I don’t sound as if I’m demeaning what any of these characters have gone through, because no one should go through that.

(5) I also blame the writers for losing touch with Daenerys’ character. Somehow, Daenerys no longer feels like the same woman who let liberated Unsullied soldiers elect their new captain, expressed concern over the demeaning nature of their vermin-themed names, and respected Grey Worm’s decision to reclaim what was initially supposed to be a debasing name into one he took pride in.

You’re welcome! Thanks for being polite, and for sending asks! These are fun. 

So, I think that conversation you reference--the “faith in myself” speech--does seem awkward, but my interpretation (yours may differ), it isn’t really if you look at what she’s saying in its context within the story, instead of our context as an audience where we’re privy to the character of Jon Snow. (I do think the show could have, idk, emphasized this more.) She, however, does not know Jon at all. She has been, as she said, sold, raped, defiled. She has had all kinds of men demean her and her worth, but she refused to let them define her. She believed in something better for herself, which to me is inspirational. When Jon arrives, she is not given a reason to think he would be different. I mean, men in power, to her, have seldom been anything by condescending and dangerous to her, so when he refuses to bend the knee despite arriving under that (reasonable) impression (and I don’t think Jon should’ve bent the knee at all lol so I am not blaming Jon, merely explaining different perspectives), she is pissed. Yeah, she does have a temper that she needs to, well, temper (heh). She had no reason to see Jon as someone different, until he demonstrates he is--and she demonstrates she is, by risking everything to save him because she trusts him. 

I’m not sure what you mean by “that moment,” sorry! I’m going to guess it’s the speech? I’d say then she didn’t know Sansa then or Cersei; only that Cersei had just murdered a bunch of innocents in a sept in King’s Landing, and Missandei and Grey Worm--I’d actually have disliked if she described herself liberating them from their suffering because she’d be using them as props to make herself seem good, and respect that she didn’t invoke them and Davos and Jon asked Missandei for her story herself. The point when Dany freed them, which Missandei emphasized as well, is that people can choose their destiny. Dany’s worked for hers. 

I disagree that she doesn’t seem like the same character--she does to me--well mostly. There are those laughably bad out of character stupid moments like forgetting the Iron Fleet (D&D: really?). I think empathy, conviction, and a fiery personality are all parts of Dany, huge parts. It can be argued that she knows what it’s like to be sold (though importantly not with the racial elements) so her freeing people is born from empathy. I def agree with you, however, that the white savior stuff is a massive problem and I get why that would turn people off to the character though. 

Ambition, however, isn’t a bad thing. Sansa’s ambitious and honestly good for her; I do think she should insist on Northern Independence because she promised her people that. Men who believe they can save the world usually do in fiction; for women it’s usually a cautionary tale. If Dany’s turns out to be the latter I’ll be really disappointed. 

Jon and Dany are marked opposites in certain ways; it’s a common Jungian trope in fiction to have love interests be anima (traditionally feminine qualities) and animus (traditionally masculine). That doesn’t mean scientifically or even sociologically what we think of when it comes to gender/masculine/feminine, but rather that it identifies patterns in literary love stories in terms of the characters used. Jon’s passivity is a telltale feminine trait (using that def of feminine!) and Dany’s ambition and temper are telltale masculine ones. I for one find it really refreshing--I love it when these roles are reversed. I think @argentvive has spoken about this as well in terms of how Jungian principles tie in with alchemy in literature as well, wherein Dany is more aligned with a role usually given to male characters, and Jon to female, but I could be wrong. 

Again, this is all just my opinion, and I’m fine with people disagreeing! No one needs a reason to like or dislike a character, or favor one or another. I personally prefer Sansa as a character (I’m so sad people put them against each other, and the writers too! AUs till I die). But I love Dany too. I will also add that I am very sensitive to Daenerys negativity right now--not that this is negative (you’ve been great! it’s a fun discussion), but to other asks I’ve been getting. The facts are that the show might be completely ruining her character, and if they do that it’ll be a very painful blow, because it’ll effectively ruin all three of my favorites: Dany, Jon, and Sansa (my very fave), the latter two for their roles in her demise, and I’d be devastated. I’ll be in a better place to discuss this after Sunday if it turns out well as I am still tentatively optimistic it will, fingers crossed! 

[spacematriarchy]

crowleygal replied to your post “super late SPN thoughts post First off, it was AWESOME watching this...”

So Cas gets space to grieve and he can be angry and upset. Why is Dean never given the same courtesy. Cas lied and went behind their backs and it lead to Mary's death but Dean was immediately expected to suck it up and accept Jack back. So maybe Cas either needs to understand why Dean is angry or suck it up, otherwise it makes Cas a hypocrite.

literally can’t believe i abandoned having serious Disc Horse on tumblr like two years ago and this is happening but ok. Let’s do this.

First off: “The Winchesters don’t deserve Cas” is something I say A LOT because I think it’s “sad, but true” funny on a macro level, over the course of the series.

Sam and Dean both agreed it wasn’t Cas’ fault. Dean doesn’t have to accept Jack back, that’s literally not the issue right now, the issue is that he’s holding Cas to standards he doesn’t hold himself or (usually) Sam to, and that they supposedly resolved it already but he’s holding a grudge. Dean’s allowed to be, like, in his feelings or whatever, but he’s creating the same problem by not giving Cas a chance to bring up his concerns about Sam’s wound. Plus, going out of your way to make sure your supposed best friend KNOWS you know he’s hurting over the literal end of the world and don’t care is just kind of a dick move.

Also: Jack thinking mercy killing is a good idea isn’t what led to Mary’s death. He killed her by accident. So unless knowing about Felix would have led the Winchesters to kill Jack earlier, which would be I N S A N E, Cas had nothing to do with it.

Finally, let’s talk about the fact that they’re fictional characters, and you really don’t have to make an ethical defense to justify them being good characters or justify liking them. Good characters are wrong sometimes. Good characters are dicks sometimes. If I’m mad at Dean, it means I care about him enough to be disappointed when he acts shitty.

You’re not following me, so I won’t say “if you don’t want even mild criticism of your problematic fave, kindly find the unfollow button” but, like, if you don’t like my content, don’t interact with it. You live in a free world with infinite possibilities, and just blocking my blog and scrolling on is one of them.

[fineillsignup]

Clouds and Rain: a (snarky) Character Index

I lured @math-is-magic​ into trying to read Clouds and Rain despite no prior knowledge of the Three Kingdoms era generally and she professed being impressed at how, long long ago when I read Romance of the Three Kingdoms for the first time, I made my own character glossary to keep track of who is who.

CAVEAT LECTOR: Historically accurate only to the degree that it pleases my pedantry. Departs from Dynasty Warriors in some key areas. Limited to characters that have (so far) appeared in the story directly.

Wu aka Sun Wu - Jiangdong - The Southlands

Colour Scheme? Red Animal Motif? Tiger Part of China? Southeast third, from the Yangtze (more or less) down, west about halfway. Heat, rivers, pirates, rice, fish. Motivation? Bonds Hearts? ON FIRE Enemy Camps? ALSO ON FIRE

Sun Quan, ruler of Wu, style name Zhongmou: Wow, who died and left this loser to rule? Well, that’s the problem, everybody died and left this loser to rule. Ever so slightly neurotic. *coughs* Kind of my problematic fave. Thinks everybody in Shu is out to get him. (Everybody in Shu IS out to get him.) Lianshi: Technically she ought to be Lady Bu but since Dynasty Warriors didn’t bother neither did I. Former lady-in-waiting to Sun Quan’s sister, nicest woman you’ll ever meet, Sun Quan is her problematic fave. Big ol’ tiddies. Lu Xun, Wu chancellor, style name Boyan: OUR HERO. 92.3% perfect gentleman and Confucian af. Gan Ning, Wu officer: Adorable kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Former pirate, semi-reformed psychopath. WEARS BELLS, it’s his thing. Used to be in the employ of another army, during which time he kinda sorta killed the father of... Ling Tong, Wu officer: Rich kid who made good in his own right. Wanted to kill Gan Ning for a long time (in revenge for his father’s death) but has mostly gotten over it and now they are best frenemies. (Note to history buffs: just GET OUT of here with your FACTS.) Shield of laziness and apathy. “I don’t care,” says Ling Tong, caringly, as he cares deeply. Zhou Tai, Wu officer: Sun Quan’s personal bodyguard. Former pirate. Tall, dark, and... scarred. Well, two out of three isn’t bad. The strong silent type. Zhu Ran, Wu officer: Lu Xun used to be Wu’s pyromaniac character. Then they introduced Zhu Ran to be the pyromaniac and actually made Lu Xun well-rounded, and Zhu Ran is slightly bitter about it. Also a Rich Kid. (Is Wu’s army all rich kids and pirates???? MAYBE.) Ding Feng, Wu officer: One-note character who looks like Frankenstein’s monster and writes poetry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Han Dang, Wu officer: One-note character who doesn’t want to be forgotten. Forget about him. Sun Shangxiang: Sun Quan’s younger sister, famous/infamous for being wild about martial arts and just generally wild. Arranged married to... (hold this thought...)

Shu aka Shu Han

Colour scheme? Green Animal motif? Dragon Part of China? At this point, the west-southwest. Smallest/least prosperous. Motivation? BENEVOLENCE Really? YES OF COURSE, BENEVOLENCE AND ONLY BENEVOLENCE. Pay no attention to the man behind the crane fan. What’s benevolence? 仁 Ren. Confucius says... no, come back, this isn’t a joke! Confucius really does say! Confucius says: Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others. What’s that guy doing over there behind the crane fan? NOTHING!!

Liu Bei, ruler of Shu: He was arranged married to Sun Shangxiang! (I hope you didn’t hurt yourself holding that thought.) Tenuously related to the imperial family but grew up poor af. Charismatic as hell. Wants to tell you the Good News about Benevolence. Liu Shan, crown prince, aka A-Dou: Unspecified, serious intellectual disability. Bears zero resemblance to the Dynasty Warriors version. Affectionate, gentle young man. Gets along really well with Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang. Zhuge Liang, prime minister of Shu, chief strategist, style name Kongming, Taoist name Crouching Dragon: The smuggest of snakes. He has a crane fan and he isn’t afraid to use it. Likes: his wife, his lord, his plans, sex magic, being an asshole. "I meant to do that,” he whispers, calmly, while falling at terminal velocity into a pit of vipers. Yueying aka Lady Huang, inventor: Zhuge Liang’s wife. Unspecified not neurotypical. Likes: machines, her husband. Dislikes: people, distractions, social cues. Very little resemblance to Dynasty Warriors character. Zhang Fei, Shu officer: Liu Bei’s sworn brother dating back to when they all weren’t shit, along with the dead Guan Yu. Designated youngest brothers because in Chinese culture it is Absolutely Vital We Know Who Is Older. Big, burly, loveable drunk. (Again, do NOT confuse me with the facts.) Zhang Bao, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s son. Young and unproven and determined.  Grew up with Guan Yu’s children as pseudo-cousins. Xingcai aka Lady Zhang, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s younger child. Xingcai is not here to make friends or play games. Xingcai is here to win. Unfortunately for Xingcai, her society dictates that ladylike behaviour means making friends and playing (diplomatic) games, not winning (on the battlefield). Guan Xing, Shu officer: The oldest natural child of Guan Yu. Honour, righteousness, honour, honour, rules, benevolence, honour, rules, and honour. Guan Suo, Shu officer: Youngest son of Guan Yu. In the wake of his father’s death, passive and disheartened. Guan Yinping: Youngest child of Guan Yu. Our heroine! Strong, sweet, determined, and genuine. Zhao Yun, Shu officer: One of Liu Bei’s first and best recruits to his cause. Famous for having single-handedly rescued Liu Shan as a baby while they were fleeing Cao Cao, fighting with the infant on his back. Madam Zhao aka Yunlu aka Lulu: Zhao Yun’s much younger wife, the sister of another officer in Shu, for some mysterious reason her identity is a (badly kept) secret, WHO could she POSSIBLY be? (People who know the answer: shhhhh.) Ma Chao, “the Splendid”: A multi-ethnic officer of Shu who joined because of wanting revenge against Cao Cao for the massacre of his clan. Yes, Ma Chao is Shu’s Sasuke. Catchphrase: JUSTICE. Ma Dai, “the guy who hangs out with Ma Chao”: Ma Chao’s cousin, trails along after Ma Chao trying to keep him from getting himself justiced to death. Wears the only non-stupid hat in Dynasty Warriors. An artist and a joker. Wei Yan, Shu officer: Speaks... like... this... why?... Unclear... maybe... head... injury...

Wei aka Cao Wei

Colour scheme? Blue Animal motif? Phoenix Part of China? The entire north, from the coast to the west, including the cities with the strongest claim to be imperial capital in that time. Motivation? Ambition and power Isn’t that slightly evil? I mean, not necessarily, but they’re the antagonists so in fact yes. So they don’t get the same revisionism deal as the other two kingdoms? Nope. Is that fair? Nope! Show me on the map where I store my fucks.

Cao Pi, ruler and self-proclaimed emperor: I genuinely have a grievance against the historical guy but he was no worse than most of the rest of the people here. But in this story, the fictional Cao Pi is a supreme douchebag. Zhenji, empress: Too good for Cao Pi and this world. Don’t mistake my meaning; also kind of a bitch. A perfect bitch whom I would die for. Sima Yi, Wei prime minister: Genius strategist. Did not even originally want to join the Ambition Kingdom, but has caught the spirit in a big way now. Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi’s wife, pulls the strings, literally. Thinks all problems can be solved with enough murders. Don’t think I’m saying she’s a bitch and I don’t like her. She’s a bitch, and I like her so much. Zhang He, Wei officer: Could host Queer Eye for the Third Century Guy. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Came to Wei from the same place as Zhenji and they are besties. Li Dian, Wei officer: Has a gut sense about things which is always right, unfortunately doesn’t stop things from happening, poor babe. A nice guy. Yue Jin, Wei officer: Smol and insecure about it, despite the fact that he could fuck you up. He can fuck anyone up. He can fuck himself up. BFF with Li Dian. Also a nice guy. Wang Yi, Wei officer: Hey remember how Cao Cao killed Ma Chao’s entire clan? Well while Ma Chao was attempting to get his revenge against Cao Cao, he whoopsy-doodle massacred Wang Yi’s entire clan. Now Wang Yi dreams of dancing with Ma Chao’s severed head in the moonlight. Xu Shu, Wei officer: Sad man who got tricked into leaving Shu because he loves his mama. Tries his best and deserved none of this. Jia Xu, Wei strategist: Loyal only to himself and shrewd, was an enemy strategist who came very near to killing Cao Cao at one time, but accepted being hired by him when he was captured. Does believe in doing his best.

And (I think) that’s everybody! Whee! I hope all three of you who read this enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

[simplylove101]

Influential TV Shows

Okay this is kinda random and why I prob won’t tag the shows I list cuz this is more just something I wanted to get out of my head after watching J&J’s latest podcast where they were talking about this topic. They kept it to 7 shows each and while that would certainly be interesting to try, that’s kinda hard. lol I went about grouping some of them - shows that shaped me growing up, shows that impacted me/stuck with me, comfort shows/watch with the family, taught me about fandoms, etc. And saying something about each of them. Anyway, this is stupid but here we go lol:

The Shows Growing Up:

Sailor Moon: Okay, nobody make fun of me. lol This is the first show I remember really watching as a kid that wasn't Barney or whatever, something I decided to watch by myself and it actually had an ongoing story. And ofc it took time for me to realize that this was just an English dubbed version that they would play on Cartoon Network. Looking back on it, it’s a little cringey (the voice readings, Serena being a bit of a crybaby) but seeing girls, even if it was animated, kicking ass over evil as a group made an impression on me so it’s no wonder I would watch it religiously after school and was sad when they stopped airing it. And ofc I watched all the movies too. I was a shameless fan. lmao I also eventually read the manga and appreciated it.

Hey Arnold: As a kid, I would watch Cartoon Network & Nickelodeon (& eventually Disney when I got a little bit older), and I think one of the Nickelodeon shows that really stuck with me as a kid, like Rugrats, was this one. It had a wide range of really distinct characters. It was genuinely funny. And I did love the dynamic between Arnold & Helga (who was interesting & sometimes they would let her be the protagonist of an ep instead of him, like the therapist one which is a def fave) even if her crush was kinda as stalkerish as you can get why maintaining innocence. lol And you know what? I did totally watch the recent movie they did where it tied up loose ends like getting these two together and allowing her to grow as a character. Gotta say it was rewarding after all this time. lol  

All That: I feel like I gotta put this here because I watched this show all the time as a kid. And I think it’s something that really taught me about comedy. I had seen things from Saturday Night Live growing up cuz of my parents but this was my Nickelodeon version with people that weren’t much older than me at the time so I could really get what was going on/enjoy it. It’s also the first place where we saw people like Amanda Bynes & Kenan Thompson & Kel Mitchell (which is partly why I later watched things like The Amanda Show and Kenan & Kel) What can I say? As a young person, it was just really cool seeing kids being funny. Yeah, there was some cheese but I didn’t care. It stayed with me.

Boy Meets World/Sister, Sister/Lizzie McGuire/Even Stevens: I kinda cheated here and bundled these shows because these are four of the shows I watched on Disney growing up (Disney showed reruns of Boy Meets World & Sister, Sister for the record) There were others like That’s So Raven, Suite Life, Wizards of Waverly sort of, Proud Family to name a few but these shows I picked have such iconic episodes that I still remember well and love. Like Even Stevens - musical episode hands down Idc. Boy Meets World - Scream-inspired Halloween ep for sure. Yes, there was cheesiness with all these shows. Sometimes very after-school special, but they shaped me I think. Also gotta mention, I remember thinking of Hilary Duff as my idol. lol

The Ones I Watched With the Fam:

That 70′s Show: Now the thing with my family is that we were one where for a time we would watch tv while eating dinner and my dad would have control of what channel we watched. It was always this way, which meant it would either be Law & Order or Seinfeld (the second one I was cool with and I almost included it on here cuz it’s such a staple comedy but eh,,, I appreciated it more later on. It felt more forced on me at the time) This is probably one of the only shows I can say my whole family truly agreed on watching all together tho, including my sister who generally watches trashy reality shows. This show will always remain one of my faves, because it was hilarious. It got a little weaker towards the end (We do NOT speak about Season 8) but I loved how it was a true ensemble sitcom where everyone brought something to the table and enjoyed the different dynamics between the group. The funny running gags, Jackie & Hyde still remain one of my all-time otps, and Kelso is probably the funniest & lovable dumb character I can think of (If nothing else, Ashton Kutcher was meant to play this part ok) It was nice to have something my whole family could enjoy together. It was a rarity so this show has a special place in my heart for that alone.

Joan of Arcadia: Another show that has a place in my heart, despite it only lasting 2 seasons and it ending on a bad note (major cliffhanger, still never fully making things right w/ Adam after destroying his character, ultimately S2 was problematic but still) because this is a show that I watched religiously (pun not actually intended here lol) with my mom every Friday it was on. What I loved about it was that the concept is centered around Joan talking to God yet it generally wasn’t being preachy. Joan wasn’t always willing to do what God wanted her to do, and things didn’t always turn out how she wanted. It was a kinda perfect blend for me and my mom to watch together. After this we were more willing to watch stuff as a pair cuz we were close but this started all that. I remember always being curious how God would appear to Joan cuz it was always changing, but there were some fave recurring ones like Cute Guy God, Goth God & Old Lady God to name a few. heh Joan was played wonderfully by the awesome Amber Tamblyn who could always make me cry (naturally she played my fave Tibby in the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants movies too lol) and she had awesome friends in Adam & Grace (who were my faves) and family. I rewatched this show and you know, I’d say S1 holds up and even the first half of S2. Heck, the episode where Joan & Adam break up towards the end of it, while totally heartbreaking and PISSES me off cuz bad writing for Adam, was solid simply for the acting so there’s that. lol

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Putting this show under this category because this was a show that I mostly got into because my sister loved it growing up. I was really young when it came out so I mostly remembered bits & pieces when I later watched it when I got a little older. It stuck with me tho cuz ofc the awesome Sarah Michelle Gellar playing badass Buffy (she was my sister’s idol) and it was a genuinely funny and smart show. It also got dark too. It wasn’t always solid towards the end, but I think it mostly nailed the actual ending (why Anya had to die tho... Spike I got but ugh) Anyway, this was kinda a big deal cuz it was the only thing my sister and I really watched together that wasn’t bad reality television or me barely paying attention to Dawson’s Creek at the time lol This showed that my sister could have taste when she wanted to (lmao sorry)

The Carol Burnett Show: I had to mention this show because this is one that got me, really my family, through dealing with my mom’s dementia. We chose to care for her at home instead of putting her in a nursing home. We did this for 2 years until her death. And the one thing we (excluding my sister cuz her & old stuff don’t mix) could always count on cheering us up was this show. My dad told me that my mom loved this show growing up and that’s why we turned on for her. So luckily memory or no memory, she still had a sense of humor and she knew when to laugh. And with good reason. This show is hilarious. So iconic. Carol Burnett was/is rightfully loved dearly for this show. I wish I had more I could say, but this was truly a comfort show when I desperately needed it so I am forever grateful that it existed.

Honorable Mention: Young & Hungry - another show that got us through that dark period, my dad actually really enjoyed this, despite seeming skeptical, and eventually started calling it the “Josh & Gaby Show” lmao Only thing is we never finished it together so oops. Not so much influential maybe but worth mentioning it felt like since it was underrated, got me thru a tough time, was hilarious and I loved that cast a lot. Emily Osment deserved to be the lead of her own show. Comedy queen.

The Ones That Brought Out the Fangirl In Me AKA The Teen Years:

The O.C/One Tree Hill/Gossip Girl/The Vampire Diaries: Another category where I’m just grouping them up together cuz ultimately it wasn’t about high art with these shows. They were the staple teen shows that everyone was watching and well, I was one of those people. lol It all started with The O.C. It was one of those ‘at the right time’ kinda things cuz I just went into the 6th grade when S1 started and it was such a big hit that everyone was always talking about it and there were even shirts involved (I never went that far lol) but this is where my need to explore YouTube came and then I was making fanvids. Gossip Girl is the one where I actually inserted myself into a fandom for the first time. My goodness the cringe that came with it but it gave me two of the longest online friendships I’ve ever had so I don’t regret it. (Shoutout to @backtothestart02 here as one of them) And well, three of these shows taught me the toxicity that can come from fandom. So I’ve been less vocal/more aware with other shows because of it. There’s problematic stuff in all of these but they were entertaining most of the time despite frustration (lol) 

Honorable Mention: Teen Wolf - Had to mention this one cuz this was a show where I had a group of friends who all watched this together and we talked about it til the end (even when we weren’t happy with it lol) I was never really vocal in the fandom cuz by this point I was wary of them (fandoms I mean), but it was nice to share a show with people who felt similarly about it. As a show, I truly loved it up to 3B. Some of my favorite episodes were the ones that almost felt standalone-ish (3x06 AKA Motel California still remains my fave to this day) Lastly, it’s because of this show I was introduced to Dylan O’Brien who I always refer to as my ‘always & forever’ guy so yeah lol

Maybe Superhero Shows Are Worth Watching lol:

The Flash/Daredevil/Cloak & Dagger/Runaways: So I’m someone who growing up, beyond Spider-Man and Batman, never really jumped at superhero movies. I still don’t to an extent but I’m more willing to watch stuff now. I think because when it comes to TV, I’m willing to check out at least an ep. I got into The Flash because my friend Lauren was really into it (and still very much is now) and wanted me to check it out so I did. I sorta watched Arrow before it until a point so I’d seen Barry’s appearances on it and remembered thinking he was precious so I wasn’t surprised that I liked him as a main character. I do think these later seasons have lost some quality but I think the earlier ones were very solid and Grant is perfect in the role. Daredevil... R.I.P. That show was so high quality so the fact that Netflix cancelled it is just rude. Now... Cloak & Dagger has been one of those surprises for me cuz it was such a slow burn that when it really got going it left me wanting more. That S1 finale was so solid. Cannot wait for S2. Love the dynamic between Ty & Tandy. Now Runaways isn’t perfect but it’s my biggest fandom right now and I’m proud of that fact. It’s a show that highlights diversity with 4 PoC leads & 4 kickass ladies (Nico & Gert are my bb girls), healthy ships including an LGBTQ couple currently as the main one (tho it is Gertchase that owns my heart), and overall a pretty great cast that meshes well like the thrown together family they portray. It even got me back into writing fanfic again. A miracle tbh. lol

Overall Just Amazing:

This Is Us: I just think that this show pulled me in the second they revealed that first plot twist in the pilot. It surprised me and then they kept doing that a bit after. Now it’s more about how it has the ability to make me cry every ep and feel things. It doesn’t always touch me the same it did in that first season (it was an emotional year for me tbh) but it does have a class act cast who can always pull at my heart strings.

Boardwalk Empire: This technically could have went under something I sort of watched with my dad, but it is kinda a weird show to share I guess. We didn’t usually watch it together (saved some awkward convos sometimes lol) but always talked about each episode weekly and it was kinda fun cuz it was usually in-depth. My dad still quotes things from it to this day. He also once said that he considers S1 the best TV season he’s ever watched. I agree that it was great. For me, the first 3 seasons are solid while the last 2 felt different but still pretty good. There was such quality to it. Great acting headed by Steve Buscemi. What can I say? I have a thing for gangster stories. I could say more but I’ll stop. lol

Stranger Things: The show that really turned me into a binge-watcher. I had just gotten Netflix and what show did I decide to watch on my birthday? This show. I had seen things in the media about the kids from it and I was like, they’re adorable!! And ofc I got hooked when I actually watched the show. It just has everything in it that I like: mystery, thrills, humor, hint of romance, awesome acting, music moments, nostalgia. This was my obsession for a while until I got into some other things but if you don’t think I’m totally pumped for S3, then you best believe I’m watching it all in a day if I can. lol

Community: This is a show that reminded me how a show can think totally outside of the box and still have a lot of heart with its comedy. I love situations where a group of misfits come together and become a family. I love that this show celebrates being different. Troy Barnes remains one of my favorite TV characters ever (& omg his friendship with Abed is pure goals!!) and Donald Glover played him perfectly. And Alison Brie is just adorable as Annie. Love this group of weirdos. The quality was different after S3 but I still adore it.

Into the Badlands: Have to mention this show because what it has been doing action-wise is just incredible. The fighting sequences are out of this world. I’m always excited to see how they top it. Also, an Asian male lead? Go dude! The whole cast is wonderful and everything is just high quality, ok? Also, that cinematography!! Can’t believe it’s ending when it comes back. Sadness.

One Day at a Time: This is more of a recent discovery for me (had friends who watched it and knew it was good but only decided to check it out not too long ago) but it’s already made its impact on me. This show has so much heart to it. The writers put so much care into their work when they bring up these controversial issues in the episodes. All while being totally hilarious (but also trust me, I manage to cry at least 1 or twice an ep lol) A show centered on a Cuban family, plenty of good rep for LGBTQ/non-binary people while also handling things like depression/anxiety, addiction, immigration, etc. It’s definitely making its mark on TV. Also, Rita Moreno is a living legend who I adore. I love this cast so much.

12 Monkeys: I. loved. this. show! I still think it had the best series finale that I have seen in a while. It wrapped up things so well that I was smiling for a while after watching it. I couldn’t believe that of all shows this one gave me a happy ending. lol Casserole remains one of my all-time ships because they were truly epic and pulled at my heart strings so many times. Jennifer Goines was my queen. But seriously, a show about time travel that managed to make sense? So impressed. And the visuals? gahhh

Friday Night Lights: Last, but most definitely not least, this show is just up there as one of the all-time bests IDC. The fact that at first glance the show seems centered only about football and it got me to keep watching definitely says something. lol This show had so much heart, the cast was excellent, an ending that was pretty much perfect. Coach & Tami Taylor were relationship goals. Honestly one of the best portrayals of a married couple I’ve ever seen because they were very much a team (while yes there was the occasional bickering that you gotta love) and it just felt real, you know? Also, it’s a show that proved that you can come back from a sophomore slump (yeah S2 was the worst season) and continue to be great.I can’t decide if it’s my favorite show of all-time but it’s certainly one of the first ones to come to mind. So glad I decided to give it a chance.

There’s probably a couple other shows I could list here but some I haven’t finished yet and don’t feel ready to put them on here yet. This is just what I could come up with.