#my time with pizza has taught me that i AM capable of spending a couple months at a time on one project/comic

[beatcroc]

reread a bunch of idw for my own nefarious purposes and i only came here to look up one specific thing but ohhhhh baby.

they just hand this shit right to me man. silver platter.

[freecodecamper]

Let’s Talk About Some Really Serious *Bleep*

If you are reading this you can look at the date of when I first started this blog. This is kind of a summary that mixes the past, the present, and stuff that has happened since I last posted. I have a lot to talk about and I really hope this helps someone out there. 

Let me begin.

On Portals of Stability

You can’t function in this industry if you do not figure out a way to create a stable life for yourself. It does not have to be fun. It does not have to be wealthy. It does not have to be full of amazing people. It just has to be stable enough where you can focus on completing a specific goal at a specific time and not have that compete with anything else. 

So I recognize that you could be homeless but totally teach yourself how to code because if you have access to a library’s computer system and a dedicated time every day, all you need to do is show up. Things get a little bit more complicated if you have serious responsibilities to take care of or if you get really really really sick. 

Portals of stability are important because motivation runs out. Let’s say you gain enough skills with programming to enter the workforce and get some damn good job offers. But you don’t have a stable home situation for recovering from the stresses of life. Even though you have finally arrived at your goal of working in tech in a job based on your skills, you don’t have the emotional support you need to survive. 

All the women I know in tech that I would consider to be mentors and beloved friends have burnt the fuck out. I’m looking at them because they kind of represent a future that I can step into and I’m really thinking about... how I can be here without destroying myself. And that’s something that skills like programming don’t address. I don’t know what the answer is but I do know the difference between the women who burnt the hell out and eventually circled back and the women who did not is that the survivors figured out how to create stability by pursuing freelance situations where they did not have to be exposed to a daily violence present in a lot of tech workplaces. But they had to do a LOT to get the point of where they can pull that off. They had to be exposed to a lot of mental fuckery and sometimes physical violence. I don’t know if I have that in me for that specific field and yet I know I have no choice but to stay here. 

On How to Reconfigure an Unstable Life

So my life has been highly unstable almost since I was a kid. I kept running into these patterns where I’m already working under conditions that are set up against me. I last longer than I am expected to, but I still end up failing because I never had the resources I needed to begin with. 

Finally, it clicked one day that instead of doing this cycle that feels like a constant start, stop, start stop, start stop, brakes and pedal at the same time movement... I need to just rearrange my life. 

This meant getting rid of people.

This meant re-evaluating what time is to me.

This meant thinking about what I’d be upset with the most if I knew I was going to die this year without completing something.

This also meant letting emotional weights go - forgiving people, acknowledging trauma, acknowledging things I suck at but have too much pride to publicly admit, forgiving myself, giving myself time to physically heal and emotionally heal and breath - really breath. 

This also meant finding a job that works with me even if its not the job others think I should have. In other words, money is not everything if it constantly gets in the way of completing whatever the hell it is you want to complete. 

This also meant qualifying advice because most advice given (including possibly my own in this post) is fucked up, bad, and doesn’t relate to what you are actually going through. My mentors in tech come from backgrounds so vastly different from me that at a certain point they just could not relate. The economic conditions, the social conditions, etc., its just too wide of a gap sometimes when shit hits the fan. So I found that usually I was better off trusting my own gut instincts then doing the “right” thing and seeking the opinion of someone who supposedly has been there before me. There were exceptions but the exceptions where advice actually fit were so rare that I can count them on three fingers. 

This meant recognizing distractions. I have a digital addiction. I’ve been dealing with for the past couple of months. What I’ve been doing to recover since I definitely don’t have the money to get professional help is deleting apps and leaving my phone behind - sometimes in my car, sometimes at home. I gave up facebook because that was the worst one. I deleted LinkedIn which I hated because of its dark patterns anyway. I reduced my twitter use dramatically. But what actually has worked best is deleting apps during the week and installing them on the weekend plus monitoring when I feel the urge to use an app. Its always to push back something that I don’t want to feel. I also did a serious spring cleaning which was very helpful but also very intense because as soon as I got rid of a crapload of stuff a bunch of memories that had been buried underneath rose to the top and I had to deal with them with no place to run away. So yeah... it has been an intense emotional rollercoaster since the last time I posted. 

This meant also recognizing there is a spiritual element to this for me, that I won;t get into online because its really personal but if anyone reading wants to know I will gladly share. I do believe that sometimes stagnation and resistance is psychic in nature. The relationships we have with people impact us in ways we can’t always imagine....the things our parents and friends say....what they do and do not think we are capable of....the lies we tell ourselves both to make us feel better as well as to tear us down - all of that has a spiritual impact. 

So to summarize how to restructure your life to pursue what you want:

Get a job that gives you the time you need to make shit above the money you desire. If you can’t sacrifice your job you are going to have to come up with a hell of a plan. Maybe save money for a year or two and take a break from the world. It worked for one woman. She saved for three years, then taught herself how to code in one year. She made it but damn she gave up a LOT to pull that off. You have to recognize your sacrifices but a job that is on the schedule YOU NEED is the best thing you could ever give yourself. 

Remove people who don’t support you. Find people who are like you or who are where you want to be in the future.  You literally become who you hang out with. So if you currently are trying to learn how to code and you do not know any programmers, you are in danger. Find people online, offline, doesn’t matter, just find a person who also is doing what you are doing, and get to know them well enough where if you had a question you could hit them up for help. 

Don’t learn to code for money unless you like learning ( I do). This is a life long learning career where you will never stop updating and upgrading your skills. It's not like how some college degrees USED to be where once you get it, you are set, and you are just running a business that has already been established and going through the motions. It doesn’t work that way. There’s always a new protocol, a new best practice, a new language, etc. Just get started and once you start don’t stop if you can avoid it. 

Give yourself time to heal. Sometimes we don’t know we are sick, even physically sick. Stress can mask a fucked up situation. Figure out the best way for you to chill out and then examine what the heck is really going on with you. 

If you think you are battling some serious demons, deal with those demons before they grow and decide to force you to deal with them. A lot of my friends had breakdowns after graduating from college because there was nothing to distract them from dealing with the shit that was always calling for their attention. 

Read the War of Art by Steven Pressfield. He talks about resistance a lot. He also helps make you feel better when you learn that it takes some people years to overcome it. Where Pressfield is helpful is putting you in the mindset of a pro - like ok you know this bullshit is going to head your way and its going to get between you and what you want to do. Here is how to hold on tight and not completely give up. Here is how to figure out a path to finishing. My only complaint with the book is that sometimes finishing is not the best use of your time which leads me to the last thing I’ll mention.

Develop a way to know whether or not something is worth your time or you are cutting yourself short. Sometimes people stop working on projects because they get too hard. But sometimes people stop working on projects because life is too short and there are other things they value more. I’m of the belief that as long as whatever you are pursuing is something you wouldn’t mind dying while in the pursuit of, you should be ok. Yes I do mean dying in the pursuit of. If you know you would be upset at someone finding you slouched over a keyboard, dead, learning how to code instead of... spending time with your kid, writing the book you really want to write, living abroad, etc., don’t do it. But if you know you'd’ be ok with someone finding you dead over a keyboard busting your ass to learn how to code because this is something that actually means a LOT to you and is part of your life... that’s beautiful. I truly do mean that. 

Another way to think of number 7 is in terms of flow. You want to set up your life in such a way where you do more of the things you want to do then don’t want to do. I’m not talking about eating chocolate cake and pizza all day. I’m talking more along the lines of... if you are a people person and you enjoy talking to people, your everyday work should involve that. If you like solving puzzles your everyday work should involve that. If your everyday job does not, this means you aren’t in flow with your life. And who wants to be out of flow with their fucking life?

Anway as for me and what I have been up to... 

Working on stuff, using the skills I got from freecodecamp based on how far I got at the time. I’ve restarted it three times now. And each time I say it will be the last but nope. Haven’t pull that off. But if I took a gaming perspective to it, I will say that each time I dive back into freecodecamp I take away a little bit more. So maybe for some learners, the process of restarting is much more similar to starting from a game. You take in as much as you can stand for the moment, then go off into the world, use the skills you do have, and when you are finally ready to take on more - because your life is finally stable or you just feel its time - you do. 

I hope this is  helpful for someone out there. I’m kind of writing this to myself wishing I could send this to my past. I’m really grateful for the job I currently have. While its not glamorous it allows me time and time is the most precious thing in the entire world. 

[nicolemcaruso-blog]

Super Mama Series: Kristy Malik

Welcome to the Super Mama Series! I created this as a way to showcase actual messy-but-beautiful lives of women who are mothers and live creatively. By no means are any of us perfect, but we are striving to do our very best. Super Mamas are women who mother sacrificially, love deeply, and acknowledge their weaknesses gracefully.

Meet Super Mama Kristy Malik. Kristy has been happily married for 11 years to her college sweetheart and doing her best to raise (4, soon to be 5) little humans to love others and live the life they were created for. She is a wanna-be photographer, coffee and dark chocolate lover. She is also the Regional Area Coordinator for Walking with Purpose women's ministry. 

ON MOTHERHOOD

"I find myself thinking how everyone is someone's son or daughter in this world. It helps me to empathize and be more compassionate towards others when I find myself feeling not so inclined. Being a mother has taught me that I am capable of more than I thought I could ever be. It has also taught me that the more I think I know, the less I actually know.

Seeing things "click" in my children's hearts and minds [is so rewarding]. I love when their world opens a little more and you see their horizons widen in front of you. Whether it's a new song my preschooler has learned, my Kindergartener learning to tie his shoes, my 5th grader finally grasping decimal division, or my 2nd grader finding her love for books and wanting to read nightly to her little brothers.

[Before becoming pregnant, know that] you don't have to let strangers touch your belly. Have no shame about asking for help. If you need it, ask. And, yes, you will need it. My best advice-- when in doubt, go with your gut. Worst advice usually begins with "back in my day..."

Best baby item purchase I made: a baby wrap! I only discovered them with my 4th and wish I had one for my previous babies. It was so much more comfortable and natural to wear than our other baby carriers and my son loved it. When I couldn't nurse for as long as I wanted with him, it really helped us to bond, especially while I was chasing after his 3 older siblings. I had the Moby wrap with him which was perfect since he was born in late fall. For this baby, I got the lighter Sollybaby wrap. Sure there are common items that lots of moms love and swear by (Baby wraps! Portable swing! Tommie Tippee bottles! Mamaroo (so I've heard)!) and I always love hearing what other moms love. But at the end of the day, every mom has different needs, and different babies. And really, babies don't need that much "stuff." If it looks like something that will help you and your baby, then go for it. If not, don't sweat it!"

ON THE WORK LIFE JUGGLE

"We got pregnant with our oldest within our first month of marriage. We were the first couple in our group of (mostly unmarried) friends to get married, let alone have a child. I always felt like it was right for us though, and my husband and I were always supportive of each other when we each felt we needed a coffee break with friends or a night out. I also continued to work part time from home after our first child so always felt connected to "the outside world" those first few years. I've been able to work part time from home since then, most recently with a women's ministry that is amazing. I love everything they are about and find the work very fulfilling. It's only a few hours a week but helps me feel connected to other women, and with a cause that I'm passionate about.

My husband and I have been through various seasons of managing responsibilities. Depending on his job situation (long hours/traveling) or my situation (whether pregnant/sick, working part time etc.) we communicate where we need help. Our responsibilities are primarily stereotypical, it just works for us. He enjoys helping the kids with their homework at night which I love, and does some of the after school activity driving, which I also love! Oh and he always does the bills. Always. We learned that the hard way very early on in our marriage. (Not my gift!) 

"Communicate communicate communicate."

During this season of pregnancy #5 I've been particularly sick and tired. I've found that going over my calendar with him for the week and identifying potential times when I know I'll be tired and may need help is great. As a Type-A worrier, I need to talk through everything and he likes knowing how he can help specifically. He's also a wonderful problem solver. It's a win-win.

I currently love the BabyBump app, but also my Instagram, Facebook, The Target Cartwheel app, and the Waze app. Twenty20 is also a fun photography app I love.

A current challenge would be making time for myself amid our busy schedule and working part time from home. I got a new planner for Christmas and I've found that sitting down to carve out down time has been instrumental. I'm a much happier and a better mom when I leave myself some margin!"

ON SELF CARE

"Nowadays, [I spend alone time] sleeping! But usually reading up on news with a cup of coffee or tea, or calling a friend to catch up. 

[Amidst chaos I stick to] daily prayer for sure. My day doesn't go as well if I don't! After that exercise for 20 min if possible (lately that happens only 2-3x/week). 

[My beauty routine] consists of doTERRA's Verage skincare line, Bareminerals foundation serum, Honest Company Eyeliner and mascara, and Burts Bees tinted lip balm. Usually [wearing] leggings and a tunic dress, sometimes with a long vest or sweater, suede booties."

ON FAMILY TIME

"[We loved] travelling to Southern California. We've been there to visit our family a few times and each time flying with kids gets easier. The jet lag is always a challenge but we've learned to let the kids stay up as late as they want that first night so we aren't all up at 4 am the next day. (Even late night ice cream trips to keep them awake!) We love exploring different neighborhoods and areas. The kids love the beach. Having family there lets us feel like locals while still getting to play tourists.

On a perfect Saturday, we all sleep in until 8 or 9. My husband makes pancakes while we stay in pajamas for the morning. Then we either go out for lunch, to a park, or a movie as a family, or visit a winery or brewery with friends or neighbors. In the summer, having friends/family/neighbors over a for a nighttime fire pit with s'mores and good food!

Every night at dinner we go around the table and share "High/Low" where everyone shares the best part and worst part of their day. It almost always starts off great conversations with our kids about things we otherwise wouldn't know.

[Kids books we're loving]: Secret Pizza Party (only recently- my preschooler laughs hysterically every time), One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and White Rabbit's Color Book.

[This week] we FaceTimed my husband during dinner so he could participate in "High/Low" while he was traveling for work."

[corneliussteinbeck]

GGS Spotlight: Chrissy King

Name:   Chrissy King Age: 31 Location: Waukesha, WI

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? To me, being a Girl Gone Strong means being unapologetically authentic and choosing to live life on my own terms. It means embracing my body, realizing my strength and badass-ness, and refusing to allow others to make me feel like I’m not enough — because I am enough. It’s about realizing my strength in the gym and in all areas of my life. It’s about realizing that I’m in control of my destiny.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I have been strength training for roughly five years. I got started when I joined a gym because I wanted to lose weight. I legit just wanted to be “skinny.” However, I hired a personal trainer who introduced me to strength training and through a series of events, I was introduced to powerlifting. It was love at first lift! This also paved the way for me to stop focusing on being a smaller version of myself and instead focus on gaining and developing strength and appreciating all that my body is capable of.

What does your typical workout look like? A typical workout is usually focused around one of the big three: bench, squat, and deadlift. I add in some accessory work around that. I also throw in a couple of metabolic conditioning workouts each week as well. I have a sick obsession with training glutes, so there’s usually some of that thrown in on most of my training days.

Favorite Lift: Deadlifts. I’m also very partial to squats.

Most memorable PR: My most memorable PR was at a USAPL meet I did a couple of years ago. It had been my goal to pull 405 pounds for a while. I had never attempted it before, but I knew that I was so close, and I knew I could do it. I was feeling so strong and empowered and went for 407 for my final attempt.

I approached the bar with confidence and it came up with more ease than I expected. It was amazing! I literally jump into my coach’s arms. It was a magical moment.

Top 5 songs on your training playlist: I don’t have five particular songs but here are my favorite artists to jam out to when I’m training:

Anything Drake

Beyonce

Bruno Mars

Chance the Rapper

Rhianna

Top 3 things you must have with you at the gym or in your gym bag: Belt, Olympic lifting shoes, and headphones.

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? I generally train alone, but the gym where I train is a small strength and conditioning gym so when I show up at 5 am to train, there are usually only like five or six of us there. I’m doing my own thing and working with my coach, but we are all interacting with each other. It’s like a little family, and I like it that way.

Every once in a while, I really enjoy going to the gym when it’s closed and training 100 percent by myself. The silence and serenity mixed with lifting weights makes me feel super at peace. It’s a time for me to train, reflect, and enjoy the quiet.

Most embarrassing gym moment: My most embarrassing gym moment is when I was going for a PR on my deadlift, and I peed all over the floor in front of everyone. That had legit never happened to me before, and I was super embarrassed. Ironically, I didn’t stop pulling, and I got the lift.

Best or most memorable compliment you’ve received lately: Someone recently told me that my twist out was bomb (in relation to my hair). My hair and I have an interesting relationship, and we are finally learning to get along, so that was a super dope compliment to receive.

A compliment you gave someone else: I recently told one my clients that her dedication and tenacity inspires me and helps me appreciate what I do even more.

Favorite meal: Pizza

Favorite way to treat yourself: My favorite way to treat myself is to read a good book or take a nap. I have a busy schedule and naps give me life. Also, I rarely watch TV, so everyone once in a blue moon, I’ll spend two or three hours binge watching something that I’m about 12 seasons behind!

Favorite quote: “There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky. And you ask “What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, what if you fly?” -Erin Hanson

Favorite book: Too many to choose an absolute favorite, but recent favs are The Compound Effect, You Are A BadAss, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and I’m Judging You.

What inspires and motivates you? So many things inspire and motivate me. I love to see people overcoming obstacles, owning their power, deciding to live their best lives, and talking about sh*t that matters.

What do you do? During the day, I work for the federal government in a management role. Basically, I spend way too much time in front of the computer. At nights and on the weekends, I’m an online health and fitness coach helping women develop strength and confidence and create stress-free and sustainable lifestyles.

What else do you do? When I’m not working, I really enjoy reading a good book, writing, and hanging out with my family and friends.  Traveling is my absolute favorite, and I look forward to doing more of that over the next year.

Describe a typical day in your life: I wake up at 4:15 each day and hit the gym by 5 a.m. I usually train until 6:30 and get to work by 8. I’m usually leaving work by 5 p.m., and then I’m back to the gym to train a few clients, work with my online clients and my monthly coaching group, create new content, and respond to emails and social media.

I usually try wrap up and settle for the night by 10 p.m. Oh yeah, somewhere in there I eat some dinner and talk to my hubby, too.

Your next training goal: I’ve got my eye on a 500-pound deadlift.

What are you most grateful for? I’m most grateful for the opportunity to spend my time doing the things I love and to have the support of those around me. I’m grateful that I have the opportunity to create the life I want; the kind I never need to get away from.

What life accomplishment are you most proud of? The life accomplishments I’m most proud of are graduating from college and my professional career development. Neither of my parents (nor my grandparents) attended college, so it was very important for my parents that their kids pursue a higher education. This may seem insignificant to some people, but for our family it was major.

Which three words that best describe you? Driven, Optimistic, and AlphaAF

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, and how did it turn out? A risk I’ve taken over the last year is starting an online fitness business and writing more. It was super uncomfortable for me to put myself out there and put my art in the world, but I knew that in order to grow I had to be okay being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is part of the process.

The best cure to fear is to just take action, and I still remind myself of that every day. It’s pretty much the coolest thing I’ve ever done.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve noticed from strength training? Well, before I started strength training it was the running joke in my family that I was the weakest person they had ever met. I literally couldn’t carry a case of water. Now, it’s super cool to never even have to wonder if something is too heavy.

Secondly, when I was on vacation in the Dominican Republic last year, two separate people asked me if played tennis like Serena Williams. I take this to mean that they thought I was very muscular and athletic looking, and took it as a huge compliment. Me? An athlete? Why, thank you very much!

How has lifting weights changed your life? Strength training changed my life because it allowed me to be comfortable in my own skin. I finally stopped caring about being smaller and focused on how cool it was to see myself getting stronger. Lifting gave me a new appreciation for my body and all that it’s capable of. I my changed my focus to being strong and fit for life.

It also helped me realize that I’m stronger than I thought and more capable than I thought. This transferred over into every area of my life and gave me confidence to do new things and stop doubting myself.

Most importantly, it taught me to stop attaching my self-worth to my body fat percentage or the number on the scale. I developed the ability to love my body through every part of the journey instead of just relegating to love my body when I was finally “skinny.”

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? I want to encourage women to just start. That was the hardest part for me. I think it can be intimidating if you are new to strength training — especially if you are watching other women who you view as incredibly strong. I encourage women to find their tribe; a group of women who support and encourage each other.

It’s important to remember that everyone starts as a beginner. I distinctly remember my first personal training session. I couldn’t do a single push up. I never thought I could be strong. But years later, here I am. I’m stronger physically, mentally, and emotionally, and it all started with strength training.

Feeling inspired?

If you’re inspired by Chrissy, read on to learn more about — and join! — our community of strong, supportive women…

The post GGS Spotlight: Chrissy King appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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