#my stupid uterus needs to go away

[mywifeismothman]

I need someone to rip my uterus out of my body right now. Because honestly, anything is better than this, I’ve been hunched over kind of crying for the past hour. I wish I was a witch and had the ability to magic my period cramps to someone I hate because wow this sucks.

I’m somewhere in the middle of ball of rage and pathetic small animal right now and I don’t know how I’m managing that.

[bwabys-scenarios]

Making you a mother

Laois x Fem!Reader

!!REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!

A/N: this is a request from AO3!! Short but sweet ^^

warnings: big breeding kink, reader gets pregnant, Laois is really insistent on filling you up with his cum, biting, overstimulation

Laois held onto your hips, squeezing the soft flesh as he pulled you close to rub his bulge against your needy pussy. “You’re so pretty…”

His eyes were slightly hazy with lust, and you couldn’t help but whine, rubbing against him desperately. “P-please, Laois! I need it!”

The feeling of his calloused fingers tracing over your belly made you shiver in anticipation. Lately, you had noticed how focused on making sure you were well fed he was, along with fascinated with your tummy.

“Gonna…” he murmured, his fingers pressing down on the fatty part of your belly that protected your uterus. “gonna put a baby there, okay? Gonna…”

Your cheeks flushed with heat, the wet spot in your panties growing. Laois had never talked like that before, you didn’t even think he wanted children…

His thumb rubbed against your clothed clit as his lips pressed against your neck. “You want it? Want me to make you a mommy?”

“P-please…” you managed to choke out through your whimpers and panting. “Need it so bad!”

“Anything for you, sunshine…”

He pulled off your underwear, his cock rubbing against your dripping pussy. Usually he was insistent on eating you out, but today he desperately needed to fill you up with his cum. Laois needed to breed you more than he needed to breathe air.

He pushed in, groaning against your neck as your pussy clenched around him, eager to drain him of all his cum from the get go. “That’s my baby, gonna fill you up, promise…”

Laois fucked into you, biting down on your neck hard enough to have you yelp. But the pain ebbed away into pleasure, and his teeth were replaced with his lips, kissing away at the red mark.

“Sorry, love… can’t help it…”

He was hitting that special spot, making you cry out his name. “L-Laois, please don’t stop!”

Your nails dug into the soft flesh of his back, making him let out a sharp hiss. “Won’t, I promise…”

And he was right. Even hours later, when you were beyond exhausted and stuffed full of cum, he was still hitting that special spot, making you cum on his cock over and over.

“T-too much…” you were being fucked stupid, barely able to speak.

“Shh, you can take it. Gotta make sure it takes…”

He lightly pressed down on your belly, making his cum squirt out of you. Laois pouted a little.

“Looks like I’ll have to go again…”

———————

A few months later, you sat with Marcille as she fawned over your baby bump. “Oh, I can’t wait to be an Aunt! Do you think the baby will call me Auntie Marcille?”

You laughed, glancing at Laois as Falin and him watched the two of you through the doorway. “Probably. Marcille might be a mouthful for a baby though.”

“What about Marcy!?”

Laois and Falin cracked up, causing the blonde elf to blush. “W-what are you two laughing at?”

“Nothing… it just seems like you’re more eager for the baby to come than (Name) and I are.” Laois said, taking you into his arms. His hand brushed over your belly, his thumb rubbing against the bump softly.

Falin smiled warmly. “I think we’re all excited. Senshi has already started mapping out a meal plan for (Name)’s pregnancy.”

“Haha, he said he’ll teach the baby everything he knows, and Chilchuck is already giving me advice,” you said, laughing. “It’s sweet, you know they say raising a child takes a village… you guys are our village.”

Marcille started crying, hugging you. “Oh stop it, I’m going to cry!”

“Dear, you’re already crying.” Falin replied, kissing the top of her head.

You and Laois shared a kiss before he led you away by the hand. “Sorry ladies, but my wife needs a nap.”

Laois curled up next to you in bed, his face nuzzled into your neck. “Rest, my love.”

And you did, curled up with your beloved.

[jollyhunter]

Shower Reliever

⋆ ˚｡⋆ COUPLE Dean Winchester x f!Reader

⋆ ˚｡⋆ WARNINGS SMUT 18+ MDNI, established relationship, menstruating (evil cramps!!), tooth-rotting sweet fluff, mention of blood (light), Dean being dorky and cute, guided masturbation in the shower? (idk how to tag this sryyy), Dean’s misuse of a shower head as a magic wand, no use of Y/N, English isn’t my native language

⋆ ˚｡⋆ SUMMARY It’s that time of the month; Cramps are tormenting you, but Dean’s there to cheer you up and look after you by giving you some relief. ♡ ⋆ ˚｡⋆ WORDS 4,2k

It’s afternoon. Or maybe it’s evening.

How are you supposed to know when you’re surrounded by the bunker’s concrete and artificial light all day?

A pathetic, writhing-weeping blood sacrifice wrapped up in bed sheets like a burrito. That’s what you are. Ready to be served. Honestly, though? Big Hellhound pupper toying with your guts suddenly seems much more appealing than a day ago. At least the doggo wouldn’t take three damn days to rip your innards out.

But you won’t complain. Because right now? Things seemed oddly… okay? It’s almost suspicious.

A deep sigh of relief falls of your lips and you dare to sprawl out on the mattress. Star-fish formation. Plain ceiling staring back down at you.

You’re maybe 5 seconds into your newfound content - and then the little bitch ruins it by raking her peeler down your walls. A sharp hiss presses past your clenched teeth.

Nevermind. Here she goes again.

Peeling your uterus out from the inside. Like Lilith herself is down there, having a feast on your unborn – and very non-existent – baby.

Muffled by Dean’s pillow, you scream. Fuck that time of the month.

Why’s it always that time of the month? Again and again and again.

Why can’t you just get the period twice a year like a bitch and get on with it? It’s not like you signed up for this. In fact, you’d very much like to file a complaint.

Not that Chuck would care. “That bastard knows why he doesn’t own an uterus...” you grumble.

A hot flush shoots through your body. Wheezing takes over your breathing. The bedsheets go flying along some of the pillows you’d burrowed yourself in.

Burning up. Hot. Your body feels like your ovaries decided to have a meltdown.

You roll around the bed, aimlessly. A ball of messy hair. Entangled in the sweat-drenched pyjama you couldn’t get yourself to change from. Arms clutched around your stomach, fingers clawing at the hot-water bag which so far hasn’t done much more than give you third-degree burns and only add to the feverish heat steaming beneath your skin.

When the door to your and Dean’s bedroom opens, you can’t even bring yourself to lift your head. Instead you’re curled up like a salted snail, squirming, each and every noise escaping from you thick with pain.

“Hey baby, ‘m back…” Dean greets you from across the room, his voice dying down as he spots you on the bed just where he'd left you this morning.

Your face plants into the sheets when you double over from another stab to your uterus.

“It’s trying to kill me, Dean,” you whimper into the mattress. Dean’s face contorts at your strangled sound.

“That bad?” It’s a stupid question, and he realizes it the moment it leaves his mouth. Of course it’s bad. You look like hell.

And worst is, it’s been going like this the entire day already. First time Dean’s witnessing it from the start, too. You’d been together for a couple of months now, but you being you, you’d so far managed to slip away just in time before your period kicked down the door.

Now that you moved in with the boys in the bunker that didn’t seem an option any longer.

You watch Dean’s face harden, the way it always does when he starts to feel helpless.

Indeed, Dean could feel the frustration claw on the inside of his chest. To the point he secretly wished your state would just be the aftermath of a hunt gone wrong.

At least he would know what to do then, y’know? Clean your wounds, stitch you back together if needed – maybe it wouldn’t look as neat as when you did it, but it’d do the job – because that’s what he’s good at.

But this? He didn’t quite know how to work with this.

There’s no injury he could just patch up. No swig of whiskey to dampen the pain. No way for him to help. And watching you writhe like you were being tortured from the inside, was killing him.

He sighs. The shopping bag in his hand gets dropped to the floor and he rounds the bed to your side. A frustrated hand ruffles back his hair. His eyes taking in the battlefield you’ve caused. And they come to rest on your crumpled form, smack in the middle of it all.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart…” he mutters softly. And he means it. You know he does. The words were simple, yet you know that if he could, he’d take your pain away in a heartbeat. But he can’t. Because for some reason, despite all the supernatural crap you get to deal with on a daily basis, this isn’t an option.

Damn you Chuck.

You make a sound between a whine and a sigh at the grave conclusion, at which Dean’s eyebrows pull together.

The bed dips down beside you and next moment the warmth of his body presses against your side. He slowly runs his hand over your shoulders to rub your back in soothing circles.

“Anything I can do to make you feel better..?” he asks.

“Rip it out. Use it for your next blood sacrifice. Sell it to Crowley. I don’t care- I don’t want it no more,” you wail while crawling into his lap, your face burying into his grey shirt and the blue jacket that’s partially covering it.

“Jesus,”– Dean laughs softly, his deep voice rumbling under your cheeks –“Yeah, not happening.”

His arms wrap around you to pull you closer. The familiar smell of his fills your senses when you nuzzle your nose into the fabric of his clothes. A combination of his musk, fresh lemon and a hint of sweetness of his cologne clouds your mind.

Your muscles relax for a fraction. Melting into his heavy embrace. It’s odd how just a smell can have such a calming effect. As of right now, you wished you could just climb into his shirt, buttoned-up, and pressed flush against his body. All safe, warm and fuzzy.

But Uterus-Lilith had different plans. The sharp wince you try to bite back, doesn’t go unnoticed by Dean.

“My poor baby… C’mere…” He leans down to place a tender kiss onto your crown while he cradles you on his lap like a wounded animal.

His chin comes to rest on top of your head. Lips press against your hair. “It’ll pass… You’ll feel better soon… My brave girl…” he murmurs softly and you sigh.

Another twinge to your abdomen. Your body jolts, then caves in. Dean startles for a moment but then tightens his arms around you, pulling you up against his chest.

While he continues to rub your back, his other hand begins to card through the back of your hair. “Shhh, it’s okay… I got you…”

“It’s like the damn thing is committing sepukku,” you lament with fingers curled into his shirt. Nose buried in his chest. Trying everything to physically ground you until the cramp goes by.

At that comparison, Dean’s eyebrows shoot up and his lips twitch into a pressed smirk. “Damn it, don’t make me laugh.” His stomach contracts and shakes beneath you.

In response, a disgruntled noise gets huffed into his chest. And Dean can’t help a short, surprised snort.

“Sepukku?” He tries so hard to sound serious and to hold in his chuckles, but finally loses his battle. “Seriously?” He shakes his head lightly and his green eyes crinkle slightly when he continues to tease you, “You telling me, you got a wee little Samurai down there?”

A wee little Samurai throwing a tantrum in your uterus? Okay, that image carried a smile to your lips. Sounds a lot cooler than Lilith feeding on your unborn child.

Unfortunately the wee little Samurai was not amused and rammed its katana once more into your uterus.

Another jolt goes through your body. Another strangled sound follows. You burrow your face even further into his arms in hopes that his smell will just work like some narcotics.

Perhaps it’ll just knock me out when I dig my face deep enough into his shirt? A weird thought. But you guess that’s just what menstrual hormones mixed with pain does.

“Yes,” you wince, “And it failed to conceive a child,” then groan in agony, “So now it wants to punish me for it.”

Now Dean actually has to bite back a hearty laughter. “Oh, sweetie,”– he taps your head lightly with his finger –“Look on the bright side. At least we know I didn't knock you up. It's like a free monthly pregnancy test.“

That jab would have earned him a deadpan glare of yours if it wasn’t for the next attack on your inner walls and your body jerked into his arms this time.

Dean’s light-hearted expression contorts into a pained one. Jaws clenched with a twinge of guilt.

“Want me to get you some painkillers? Or – uh – maybe some whisky?” he inquires, his head tilted down in an attempt to meet your gaze. But your eyes are scrunched up, face still hidden in his bunched up shirt.

“Baby, can you look at me for a sec?” he pleads, while his hands slip underneath to cradle your chin now, coaxing you out of your den. You lift your head, just enough to meet his concerned eyes.

“None of that helps…” you mutter. Although you did wonder whether whiskey might even do the trick. Get the wee little samurai bitch a little tipsy down there, hm? Maybe it would pass out?

No – no, now you’re thinking like Dean. That’s a terrible idea.

“Imagine you’re getting stabbed in the stomach and the blade gets twisted. Repeatedly. For hours.”

Dean winces inwardly at your description. A hand instinctively clutches his stomach. He doesn’t have to imagine what that pain feels like. He knows.

He shakes his head like he’s trying to snap out of some memories from downstairs, his eyes back on you just when you writhe again with a stifled groan.

“Okay, that‘s enough. I‘m getting you off the rack,” he declares and you don’t even get the chance to react when he’s already scooping your curled up form up into his arms.

“W-what? What are you going to do, Dean?” you ask confused while he pulls you to your feet and starts leading you out the bedroom and down the bunker's hallway.

"I'm going to distract you," he replies, glancing back over his shoulder at you while he leads you to the main bathroom, "I did some digging this morning... to see what I could do to help with your period cramps, and it looks like an orgasm might do the trick."

You stop in your tracks. Quick enough for Dean to almost stumble into the bathrooms doorframe.

"N-no," you squeak, eyes wide.

"No, what? No it won't work or no you don't-"

"No, I'm fine."

"So it does work?"

"Well- uh-" you trip over your words when the heat rushes to your cheeks, "It's - it's different when I... uh..."

"Hey, it's okay. Nothing to be ashamed of," he chuckles softly and brings up his hand to cup your cheek, "Is it 'cuz of the blood? You do know I don't care about it, right? You really think I won't touch you just 'cause you're on your period?"

"No, but... it's awkward... and gross..." you mumble, eyes averted as you can feel the heat going both ways now.

Because, even if you wouldn't admit it, you did feel a bit horny. It's just one of those many fluctuating emotions a period entails. In those blessed days, it feels like your mood is being regulated by a pinball machine. And as of right now, it hit the tingling nub at the very bottom.

"Gross? Honey, I've been covered in guts, sludge, crap and all sorts of other nasty stuff. Do you honestly think a little blood's gonna phase me?" He tilts your head up to make you look at him, his lips twitch in amusement but his words are genuine, "You're not gross, sweetheart. Not to me..."

"But-" the next argument forms on your lips when he dives down to muffle them with a kiss. Your cheeks cradled by his large hands. Tender, soft, but enough to shut you up and make you melt into him.

When he finally pulls back, his plump lips still hovering inches from yours, he speaks softly.

“Why don’t you just let me take care of you?”

His green eyes flick back and forth between yours, intense and yet calming. And really, how could you ever say no to him when he looks at you like you'll break his heart if you don't let him help you.

A sudden twinge in your stomach has you hunch over, and it's enough to finally convince you to let go of your tribulations with a weak nod of yours.

“Okay," you wince under your sharp exhale. The pain in your voice has Dean's hands dart down, one to your contracted stomach and one to the small of your back.

"Alright then, c'mon, sweetheart..." he mutters. Then gently guides you towards the shower after he closed and locked the door behind you.

When he notices how your teeth pull at your lower lip the way they always do when you're overthinking things, he grabs both of your hands. He squeezes them to get you to look at him, just to bestow you with one of his trademark grins. Confident, cheeky and oh so lovable.

“You trust me, right? It won't be awkward, promise. Nothing wrong with giving my girl some relief. Besides... This is purely therapeutic,” he quips and winks at you.

Once both of your clothes are piled up in a corner, you pad over the cold tiles and into the shower. Dean slides in after you, his naked body flush against your skin, his body heat a warm welcome in the cold air of the large bathroom. His arms envelop you from behind, one hand splayed out on your stomach to try and sooth your cramps, the other reaching for the shower head to pull it from its holder.

“Lean back, I got you baby,” he assures you while tugging you gently further back into his chest.

He turns on the shower, tests the temperature until it's the perfect heat and then slowly brings it down to the level of your stomach with the spray of water still pointed to the floor.

“Spread your legs a bit for me, sweetie,” he gently nudges his knee between your thighs, coaxing you into a wider stance while he continues to hum above you, “Mhm, that's it. Now just relax and lemme take care of you...”

Dean rests his chin on top of your head, the stubbles tingling your scalp as he does so. The air around you slowly begins to mix with steam while his body holds you close. Save and protected. The world reduced to just the two of you and the warmth hugging you from head to toe. Your thoughts and worries are drowned out by the rhythmic pattering of the droplets hitting the smooth shower floor as the sound echoes off of the tiled bunker walls all around you.

You feel yourself relax against him, despite the occasional, small jolts of pain which keep reminding you of that fact.

At last, a heavy sigh drops off your lips. The signal Dean has been waiting for.

He tugs at the hose, just enough to guide the water up your legs, then your thighs...

When the first jet of water hits right on your bundle of nerves, you almost buckle over with a gasped, “Oh shit-”

Your fingernails bite into the skin of his forearms, drawing a hiss from him. He moves his free hand to your hip, his grip on your squishy flesh gentle but strong. Steadying and grounding you.

“Feels good?” he asks while playing with the angle of the shower head.

You nod. Jolting whenever one of the water jets grazes your sensitive spot.

“Want me to keep goin‘?”

“Mhm,” you hum.

The hand on your hips slides over the bump on your bones and dips down between your legs. Next moment, calloused fingers slip along your folds to spread them open.

You shiver under the touch of his rough fingertips and at the feeling of him coating them in some of your arousal.

He angles the shower head slightly lower now, until a row of water jets skim your entrance. Your breath hitches. Then comes out in a shaky whimper.

Your legs start to go weak, feeling like jello.

Dean gently tugs you up again and pulls your back flush into his chest to keep you upright, making sure he's your anchor in this tidal wave of pleasure he's drowning you in.

“Just let go... that’s it…” he coos, now his head angled to nuzzle his nose against your temple.

Another shockwave travels through your body and tightens your coil even more, to the point it feels like it’s going to explode soon.

Your head drops back onto Dean‘s shoulder. Neck draped over his collarbone, just where his anti-possession tat lays. Shaky and ragged breaths mingle in the damp air of the shower.

“Just relax,” he places a kiss to your temple, his stubbles tingling the wet skin as he murmurs, “I got you.”

His fingers spread you further while he brings the shower head closer, allowing some of the water to push past your entrance.

“Oh fuck- Dean-” you gasp and whine at the same time.

„Language, young lady,“ he chides playfully, „This is purely therapeutical, remember?“

You choke on a giggle when he moves the shower head a fraction lower and the water jet grazes your sensitive nub just the right way, enough to send an intense jolt of pleasure through your body.

“Ah, so that's the magic angle, huh?” Dean laughs softly, his chest rumbling against your back.

“Uh-huh,” you manage to get out in a weak whimper as Dean's making sure to keep the right angle.

The intensity has your nerves on fire, like your core's being hooked up to electricity with hundreds of little needles tingling your most sensitive spot.

“M-move - p-please,” you beg in a shaky voice that has Dean's smile next to your cheek widen.

“Guide me,” he prompts softly, the hand on the shower head waiting for your instructions. You slip your hand along his strong arm, over the bump of his wrist, until you cover his hand with your tender fingers.

Slowly you begin to guide his hand into small, circular motions. The water jets brush your nub now from all sides, the overwhelming sensation enough to make you whimper weakly and your head loll to the side to bury your nose under his jaw.

“Too much?” he asks, his head tips to the side to look down into your eyes. You shake your head, lips parted, eyes half-lidded as they meet his. Hair’s stuck to your damp, flushed, skin, pupils blown wide, gaze intoxicated from pleasure.

The corner of his lips tugs into a smirk at your blissful expression. It's such a stark contrast to what you'd looked like moments ago when you were doubling over from pain. And if it wasn’t for the special circumstances, he’d make sure to keep you in this state all day and night. The growing pressure of his own arousal heavy against your back is evidence of his thoughts.

But this is about you now. His needs will just have to wait for – for… how long did a period even last? A day? Two? Hm, maybe if you’d feel comfortable enough, he wouldn’t need to wait this long. But one step at a time.

When your legs begin to shake, Dean presses his lips to your ear, murmuring into it, deep and hoarse from his own arousal.

“You’re doing so well for me… Now close your eyes, sweetheart. I want you to just relax and feel…”

You don't have to be told twice. The intensity is enough to make your eyes flutter close, squinting them even as your face contorts from the jolts of pleasure coursing through your body like a firework.

“Now I want you to imagine it's my mouth down there...”

While he keeps you distracted with the images he's painting in his husky voice, the hand on your folds leaves you and he reaches for the tap, increasing the water pressure.

“Y'know... the way I like to wrap my lips around you… and suck on that cute little bean 'til you're sobbing.”

“O-oh my God-” you mewl after the hard jet of water swallows your pulsing nub, causing your legs to buckle. The feeling's like a lightning bolt has just hit you. And it just keeps striking. Your other hand darts to his thigh behind you, fingernails biting into his skin in an attempt to ground you. But the jolts of pleasure set the nerves down your legs on hot white fire now, with everything from your stomach downwards tingling.

“That’s the reaction I was hoping for…” he chuckles and keeps going with his sweet words of praise somewhere outside of your clouded mind.

Images of Dean kneeling between your legs pulse under your eyelids. How his broad shoulders shove your knees apart, keeping your legs spread as they begin to fight him from the intensity of his mouth on your core. How the soft flesh of your thighs is squished under the force of his fingers, how you witness the veins on his arms pop as his muscles work relentlessly to prevent you from squirming away. How he holds your gaze the entire time, pupils blown up wide from hunger and lust as they eat away the deep emerald pools circling them.

Ragged breaths leave your lips. Another row of jolts has your body shaking in his arms. Each one driving you closer to your climax until you’re teetering on the edge. When your body begins to fight him and thrash around, Dean quickly tightens his grip around your hips to hold you in place.

He moves his lips to your temple, planting a tender kiss there, prickling stubbles brush the side of your face while he continues to talk you through it.

“You're doing so well... Let go for me, sweetheart... I've got you, I'll catch you, promise.”

Just when you feel yourself tip over, his free hand leaves your core to the constant onslaught of the circling water jets and moves it to your hand. His fingers slide between yours, intertwining them.

Then the tidal wave crashes down on you.

Dean's hand squeezes yours. The corner of his lips still pressed to your temple.

A guttural sound leaves the back of your throat when waves after waves of ecstasy course through you, enough for your knees to give in as your body goes limp.

“Oh- we goin' down?” he jokes softly as he follows your movement.

As promised, Dean catches you right after you've dropped some inches. Chuckling lightly above you as he pulls you back to your feet. Legs still shaky like a newborn foal’s.

“C'mon, bambi...” - he teases and slides the shower head back into place before he wraps both of his arms around your waist and turns you to face you with a soft smile - “…there you go.” You smile back at him, your hands finding purchase on his hips, gaze still a bit woozy.

He brushes a damp strand of hair out of your face, head tilted down to your eye-level, “Hey there, sweetie. You feeling better?”

“Yes,” you sigh, one of relief at the missing pain. At least for the moment. You melt into his embrace, feeling how your wet and naked bodies lock together like a perfect puzzle piece. “So much better.”

“Good, that’s good…” he murmurs into your hair after your forehead had dropped to his chest.

After a moment of peaceful silence, a mischievous grin creeps onto his face.

He clears his throat.

“You want me to battle that wee little samurai with my sword now?”

It takes your dazed mind a moment to catch up with his rather creative innuendo.

Once it hits you, you sputter an amused chuckle, “Please don’t.”

Dean huffs through his nose, feigning disappointment.

“Aw c’mon… Y'know, I’ve always wanted to fight a samurai… I’d make a pretty good Nathan Algren, don’t ya think?” he quips, then his lips quirk into a boyish, innocent grin as he adds, “...and my sword wouldn't mind getting bloody either.”

Now this has you raise your head to meet his cheeky expression and burst out in laughter.

“You do us both a favour and keep your mighty sword in your pants for now, you hear me? Idiot-” you playfully slap his chest, the wet sound echoing off the bathroom tiles. Dean’s grin doesn’t waver, instead his hands on your back slide down your spine until they reach your ass cheeks.

He clicks his tongue.

“Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it, s’all I’m sayin’,” he jabs softly as he pats both your ass cheeks. His eyes crinkle at the corner, and he's got a secret smile on his face, proud of how he made you not only smile, but laugh, despite the hell trip you’re on. Maybe he’s not as helpless as he thought.

His features suddenly harden, eyes narrowed as they dart down to your stomach, a pointed finger now prodding the spot below your bellybutton.

“Now back to you,” he growls, you giggle, and he has to fight to keep a straight face and his voice especially low and warning as he continues, “You leave my girl alone now. Or else I’ll personally come down there and take care of you, Tom Cruise style. You hear me you evil little bitch?”

⋆ ˚｡⋆ J/NOTES May Dean bring some relief to all of you poor, fellow victims of Uterus Lilith. <3

And thank you, @ambiguous-avery for your help with the correct name for the shower head lol 😌

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[chrystal-ink]

Shadow x GN reader

All cramped up

Shadow finds the one thing he can’t fix for you

Warnings: reader is on period, severe menstrual cramps, mentions of nausea, hurt/comfort

Note: so a fun (not really) fact about me is I suffer from debilitating menstrual cramps to the point where I can (very rarely) lose my ability to stand so this is based off of that

“I’m sorry honey I can’t go out tonight I’m not feeling well”

As you sent the text you felt a wave of guilt and frustration wash over you. Once again your body had decided to ruin plans and upend your life and for what?

The scraping in your lower abdomen continued as you waited for the ibuprofen to kick in you waited a half an hour, then an hour still nothing.

You clutched the heating pad close hoping it could soothe the cramp that you so desperately needed relief from. not caring weather or not it was starting to burn, so far it was the only kind of relief you could feel.

Just then you heard a knock at the door. You were too tired to move so you figured you could ignore it. let whoever was on the other side think you weren’t home , but then they knocked again.

Your phone chimed a text from Shadow appearing on the screen.

“Let me in I’m here to take care of you”

You heaved a sigh you should have known that he would be coming, he wasn’t going to let you suffer alone, even if he didn’t quite know that you weren’t suffering from any illness rather a particularly cruel joke from Mother Nature.

steeling yourself you got up from your couch making your way over to the door each step more taxing than the last. eventually you made it to your door.

❤️

Shadow stood patiently at your door anxiety flooding through his system, he hated when you got sick. he always made sure to do everything in his power in order to get you healthy again and today was no different, or so he thought.

You opened the door greeting him with a soft "Hey".

much to his surprise you looked just fine, no apparent signs of any fever, no runny nose or sore throat. aside from looking a bit tired you seemed just fine.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Yah, I just don't feel like I can go out tonight."

"Are you sick? when was the last time you took any medicine?"

"Well I took some ibuprofen about an hour ago, but I'm not exactly sick."

"what do you mean?"

"Well I- it's sorta like." you seemed hesitant to answer like you were embarrassed or ashamed of what the problem was. he waited for you to continue.

but before you could give any proper answer you collapsed to the ground.

❤️

the sharp pain took your breath away like you had just been impaled the pain from your uterus now radiating through your spine forcing you to double over in pain. a bout of nausea twisted your stomach as you began to shake.

Gentle hands caught you as he called out your name panic laced throughout his voice. "Are you alright? what's going on? Do you need me to take you to the hospital?"

"No, it's alright." you stated trying to clam his nerves. "trust me the hospital won't do anything."

"Why not? You're clearly suffering with something."

"Yes and that thing is having a uterus. I'm on my period." You explained through groans. "and I just so happen to suffer with really bad cramps. the most a doctor will do is send me home with some pain killers, which I already have, and tell me to do the same things I've been doing since this whole stupid thing started."

Shadow stared at you not really sure on how to proceed.

You sighed "Can we please move over to the couch I really don't want to have this conversation on the floor."

"Of course, can you stand?"

you began to rise carefully halfway up you felt a twinge of pain letting out a cry as you retreated to your previous position.

"Here let me help you." He scooped you up in his arms carrying you over to the couch.

as he carried you over you couldn't help but feel guilty. not only did you ruin his night but you caused him serious worry over you and now you were making him take care of you.

as Shadow gingerly placed you on the sofa all the frustration and guilt bubbled to the surface, tears began streaming down your face soft sobs escaping your mouth.

"I hate this" you started. "people have been doing this every day for thousands of years. going to work, living their lives, and I can't even stand up. I’m so sorry I really didn’t want to ruin your night, you already do so much for me and now this. I feel so pathetic.” Another wave of pain shot through you making you wince “I just want it to stop”

Shadow just stared at you for a moment unsure of what to do. He’s never seen you like this and it scared him. He’s seen you fight off plenty of foes, seen you sustain many injuries that you simply walked off. He never expected to see you brought down, and by your own body nonetheless.

Questions formed in his head unsure of how to ask them. Did this happen every time? How come he hasn’t seen this yet? How could he fix this?

The last question rang in his head the loudest. Memories of his past flashed through his mind, his purpose what he was created for. Was this another failure for him? Was there truly nothing he could do for you? The only thing he could do right now was watch you while you succumbed to your pain.

He had to do something but what?

Taking a breath he helped you lay down on the couch. He rested his hand on your shoulder in a gentle voice he said “it’s alright my love, just give me a minute.” He turned on your favorite show hoping it could distract you in his absence.

Exiting your apartment he called the only person he could think of.

“Hey handsome, what’s going on?”

“Rouge, it’s Y/N. I need your help” Shadow explained the situation he confessed he was in over his head and didn’t know how to proceed.

“Oh, the poor thing” Rouge commented “Alright big guy here’s what you do.”

❤️

Shadow had been gone for thirty minutes now. You felt horrible thinking you must have scared him off.

You should have explained your situation earlier before all of this happened. You thought you were getting better, your past few cycles had been manageable. You should have known better than to think the problem would go away on its own.

The next time you saw Shadow what was that going to be like. Did he think you were weak now? Did he pity you? You couldn’t stand the thought of shadow looking down on you.

Before you could spiral Shadow came through the door shopping bags in one hand and take out in the other.

He unloaded the contents of the bags onto the coffee table. Pulling out your favorite snacks and candies one by one. He brought a tub of ice cream to the freezer presumably for later. Coming back with some silverware he handed you the takeout.

“Here, I don’t know if you’ve eaten today so I got your favorite. If you don’t want it I also got some ingredients to make your favorite comfort food as well.” He pulled out a plushie in your favorite color and placed it in your arms.

“What’s this?” You asked the question being more rhetorical than anything.

“I don’t particularly enjoy them but I know you like your plush toys, you don’t already have that one do you?”

“No” you gave him a weak smile as you hugged your new squishy friend “thank you”

Shadow kissed you on the forehead climbing behind you on the couch wrapping you in his arms and pulling you close to him.

“Where does it hurt?”

You guided his hand to your lower abdomen resting on the source “Right there”

Shadow delicately worked his hands on the area giving it a gentle massage, untying some of the knots left behind by your uncaring reproductive system.

“Does this help at all?”

“Actually yes, it does, a little”

“Good” he continued his gentle movements. “ I want you to know that I take care of you because I want to, you’re not a burden to me and I never want you to feel like you are. If you’re in pain let me know I won’t think any less of you for it. You are such a strong and amazing person you don’t have to hide your struggles from me.”

“Okay, I promise I’ll tell you next time”

You felt some of the tension in his body melt as you snuggled further into his arms.

“I heard that new movie you wanted to see is streaming now do you want to watch it?”

You nodded

As the movie began to play you began to feel more at ease some of the pain finally slipping away disappearing into nothingness.

“Shadow”

“Yes?”

“Thank you”

“Of course my love, anytime.”

[xoxochb]

period has been kicking my ass all day :((

——— ౨ৎ ⊹ ࣪ ˖

“percy…” you half whine-half whisper.

“I know, sweet girl.”

percy sighs and switches your position. he sits up against the headboard of his bed (adorned with tiny fish blue lights you had bought him. they were stupid, admittedly, but he put them up anyways), and pulls you to sit on his lap, laying your head against the warmth of his bare chest.

you drape your arms lazily around his shoulders, taking the invitation to rest against him. his hand rubs your back soothingly, lips placed against the top of your head.

“I’m going to rip out my uterus with my bare hands.” you nuzzle your face against his skin, hot tears falling from your eyes.

“I’ll help you through it then, how about that, sweet girl?”

you nod. “yes. I want you to hold my hand.”

“I can do that.” his hand moves from your back to tangle in your, running through it, his other hand rubbing your tummy to diminish your cramps.

“thank you. I love you.”

“I love you too, sweet girl.”

your bottom lip perks out and the tears fall more prominently. your emotions become unbearably difficult to handle at once. percy is aware he can’t do much to help— though to the best of his abilities, and with everything he possibly can do, he does it.

he allows you to let your emotions out. you had woken up around six in the morning with an aching tummy and blood— tons of it. you hadn’t left the bed since your period had began and you didn’t plan to leave for as long as you felt like this. but percy was content to sit here as much as you wanted if that’s what would make you happy.

“tell me what you need, sweet girl. I’ll get you anything.”

“just—” you inhale shakily and try to calm yourself. “I want you to stay with me.”

“I can do that.”

you dig your face farther into his skin if even possibly, taking in his scent to help refrain from letting any further tears fall from your eyes. you close them and imagine happier scenarios.

the beach, the soft waves flowing over the damp sand, sandcastles that percy happened to specialize in creating, and the tiny fish by the shore swimming around your ankles, tickling you and eliciting giggles.

it makes you laugh out loud in the midsts of slowed tears. you lift your head from percy’s chest. he uses his thumb to wipe away your tears before kissing your reddened nose.

“how’re you feeling, sweet girl?”

“I’m okay.”

he cracks a smile. “that’s good.”

you nod, agreeing, and return to your previous position. you place your ear over his heart and listen to the steadiness of it’s beats. it’s soothes you soon to sleep. and you woke to find percy had not once moved an inch.

[ncis-nerd]

Desperate Bunny

Note- Did not proofread. I think I called Nat daddy once but Wanda is daddy, Nat is mommy and Carol is captain.

Ship: Carol Danvers x Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanov x GN!Reader

Warnings: Smut, Degradation, small use of feminine pet names, aftercare, fluff. Reader has a uterus.

About: What happens when y/n is needy and tries to be slick about it? Wanda teaches them a lesson. Fluff and aftercare after!!

Wanda smiled as her fingers brushed along y/n's face. "Awe, is our dumb little puppy needy?" The redhead cooed. Y/n whimpered in response. Carol and Nat huffed. "Of course they are, look how they're just rutting themself on my boot. So pathetic" Carol growled. Y/n desperately rode Carol's once shiny boots, now covered in her sticky wetness. "They're definitely cleaning this later" Carol mumbled to Nat. Carol lifted her boot, causing it to hit y/n's clit. They gasp softly and plead. "Please Carol, please. I need it, please captain-" they spew out. Carol smirks "Captain?" Y/n began to blush in embarrassment, their face turnt tomato red. "Awe our dumb little slut gets flustered so easily" Wanda murmured. "Stupid mutt doesn't even know what they're begging for." Nat hissed.

Y/n continued chasing their high, attempting to get off before anyone could notice. Unfortunately, their act was not subtle and was put to a stop immediately "The dumb whore thinks they can do whatever they please, get off whenever they want. They don't know their body belongs to us and we're the only ones that can bring it pleasure." Nat growled.

Wanda snaked her arms around y/n, lifting up, to her level. "Ladies I think we need to teach our puppy a lesson." Wanda purred, caressing y/n's body. Her arms light as a feather, enough to leave y/n squirming in their place. "Oh yeah? What did you have in mind, baby?" Carol inquired. Pressing a soft kiss against Wanda's lips. Wanda pulled away, and glanced towards Nat, motioning for her to get closer. "I think..." Wanda whispered, dragging the two closer, all y/n could hear were a bunch of hushed voices, they whined, not liking being excluded. "it's okay detka" one of the woman's voices said in a comforting tone. Nat left the room, y/n looked at Wanda confused, scrambling their brain to figure out what the three were planning.

Nat returned with rope and a vibrator in her hands, Carol began to move y/n to the bed. Nat started to tie up y/n and moved closer to their eye. Whispering "if you need to stop at anytime, you can call your safewords. Remind me what they are, my love?" Nat asked, her words tickling against y/n's ear. Y/n, stuck in their thoughts, neglects to hear Nat. "Honey?" Nat pulled away, looked at y/n concerned. This caught y/n's attention, "yes mommy?" Y/n squeaked. "Angel, I asked to hear your safewords." Nat said. "Red if I want to stop completely, Yellow to slow down and green means I'm okay." Y/n spoke. "You're doing great baby, if you need to stop then call red, detka." Nat praised.

Once Nat finished tying up y/n, Wanda turned on the vibrator that was between their legs all the way up. Y/n jerked immediately, squirming and moving all over the bed. "So responsive, so sensitive" Carol noticed. "What's the matter baby, thought you wanted more? Didn't you wanna cum, puppy?" Wanda pouted with fake sympathy and teasing y/n. They nodded in response, "p-please daddy, please- can i cum- gonna cum.." they exclaimed. "Oh..don't worry little one, your daddy decided that since you want to get off so badly, you can cum as much as you want baby." Nat smirked.

A few orgasms later, y/n was realizing what Wanda's true plan was. To make them cum as until they're begging her to stop. Until it's too much. "Have you had enough yet, puppy?" Wanda cooed, going over to y/n and admiring the tears dripping down their face. "So wet, is that for us detka?" Carol mumbled, her hands running all around y/n's soft body. "Of course it is, the whore loves this." Nat purred, latching onto y/n's nipple. Biting it softly and tugging on it. Her tongue circled their breast, coating it in saliva. Nat moved away and flicked the bud with her finger. Y/n groaned softly, arching they back and moving towards their daddy's touch. Nat smirked in response, noticing y/n's little show.

"Did you learn your lesson puppy?" Wanda spoke, moving the vibrator and putting it directly on their clit. Y/n squealed "Daddy, too much!!" They exhaled in a shakily breathe. Wanda continued, for one final orgasm. They felt that rush come over them and whined they still felt the vibrator on them. Wanda let them ride out their high, then turned off the vibrator.

Y/n laid spaced out, sprawled all over the bed. "God look at our little slut." Carol admired. "So pretty, only we can make you this way. Isn't that right baby?" Wanda cooed, not expecting a response as you were entering subspace. Nat began to loosen y/n and left little kisses on her wrists and legs that were previously tied up. Carol went to get water and lotion for their wrists, Wanda put the toys away, to be cleaned up at a later time.

A cold washcloth touched y/n's skin, they whimpered and tried to move away from the cold piece of cloth. "Shh.. it's okay detka. You did so good my love. Let mommy clean you up, hm? No more playing, all done." Wanda whispered, looking at y/n. Admiring the mess they made out of their angel, before cleaning them up. The cloth dragged through y/n's folds, they continued to whine but no longer protested and allowed Wanda to clean them up.

Carol walked in with the water and lotion. She joined y/n on the bed, pulling them into her lap after putting the lotion on them. She held the opened bottle to their mouth "Drink, baby." She murmured. Y/n took large sips. "'M so proud of you my love, ya know that?" Carol praised.

The three woman cuddled y/n. Y/n was in the middle of Wanda and Nat, their head pressed against Wanda's chest, legs intertwined with the redheads' legs. Hands drawing shapes on Wanda's unclothed stomach. Wanda smirked. Carol held Nat, and the four fell asleep.

"Still feeling floaty babes?" Carol spoke in nothing louder than a whisper. Y/n hummed in response, looking around. The bed felt lighter, Wanda and Nat were nowhere to be found. "They went to food babes." Carol spoke, noticing the way y/n was searching the room, scanning their eyes for the pair that were gone. "Wanna watch a movie in the living room, baby?" Y/n nodded against Carol's chest. As Carol stood up, she nodded y/n still laying in the bed. "Cmon babes, get up." Carol spoke. Y/n whined and did grabby hands, reaching for Carol. "Oh? Want me to carry you, bunny?" Carol questioned. Y/n nodded. Carol bent down and lifted y/n, they wrapped their legs around Carol, laying their head on Carol's head. They signed in contempt. "Oh is this more comfortable, bunny?" Carol smirked, carrying them to the living room. Carol put them down on the couch, they whined in response, from the loss of touch. "I'll be right there detka, let me just grab the remote" Carol promised, seeing y/n's distress.

"Want popcorn babes?" Carol spoke, turning on the television. Y/n shook their head and whined, they just wanted Carol. The captain laughed in response and joined them on the cough. "My clingy baby, so cuddly. Like a koala." Carol teased. Y/n hid their face in embarrassment. "Hey, hey. No need to be shy, bunny. Let me see your pretty face. Hm?" Carol cooed, removing y/n's hands from their face. "Ah! There you are, my gorgeous little bunny. What to you wanna watch baby?" Carol asked, scrolling though the list of movies. When scrolling, y/n's favorite movie comes up. Immediately, they point at the screen "Tangled!!" They exclaimed. Carol laughed at this "Oh, so you can speak now? Hmm.. are you pointing at Tom and Jerry? I can't quite tell what you're pointing at. Can you repeat that, bunny? Carol teased, wanting to hear more of their voice. "I said-" They were cut off, being attacked with tickles by Carol. They squealed. "Carol!!", squirming, breathlessly.

Wanda and Nat walked into the house with a brown baggie filled with Chinese takeout. The redhead met the eyes of the green eyed spy and smiled when they heard the voice of y/n laughing. Wanda dropped the baggie on the counter and they went to investigate. They were greeted with the sight of Carol on top of y/n, trapping them beneath her and tickling them. "So this is what you did while we were gone?" Nat teased Carol. "Hey, what could I say? They are just so tickleable!" Carol exclaimed. Wanda sat next to them on the couch "Tickleable? Huh.. Don't think that's a word detka." Wanda spoke, leaving a kiss on the captain's forehead and latching onto y/n's hand. "Hm, how is our bunny doing? You still light or out for subspace, honey?" Nat asked, sitting next to the others. Carol got off of y/n. Giving them some space to answer. "I'm here, I'm back. Still feel a little light though, more cuddly though." Y/n spoke, as their tummy growled. Suddenly, they noticed the smell of low mein and shrimp wontons. "Mm that smells so good.. you got my favorite!" Y/n spoke, happily. "Mhm, only the best for our bunny." Wanda hummed, leading them to the kitchen. The movie long forgotten about.

A/N: If you liked the fic then heart, reblog and comment!! This is not apart of my series inspired by song titles au.

[seikeout]

!SELLER SHOT!

Alhaitham × Fem!Reader

synopsis: He couldn't let someone like you, such an insignificant being like you, challenge him. There was no other way to make you understand his place.

Notes: This is my first post, I thought it was a waste to leave this draft to myself. It's early morning here, so would you say this review was sloppy? English is not my native language, so I apologize for any grammatical errors. This man's return to the banner drove me crazy.

TW: Alhaitham with a big d!ck, female body reader, crying reader? angry sex, cream all over d!ck. Maybe a breedingkink, humiliation kink? I think so.

You took him seriously.

His falling gray hair could be counted every time he spoke to you. With that mischievous and sarcastic smile that made fun of him.

An exchange has never been smooth and easy between you. Obviously, it was a pleasure to have the scribe in your store, wanting your help with something or looking for an object, and you, of course, took advantage of the situation.

Sometimes he said that such an item did not exist, sometimes he put the value at a horrendous high level and the biggest excuse of all:

"I think you are not worthy of my wares, Scribe." His arms crossed below his chest, giving that smile.

Alhaitham hated you. How could someone of his size and position disturb his peace so easily and quickly, get into his mind.

Alhaitham swore he could feel his blood boil and his veins pulse with anger, but like a man of his rank, he took a deep breath and set off to go somewhere else, behind his objective.

You already loved seeing how the Scribe was almost on his knees just for your things, how Alhaitham would go so far as to beg. He loved it even more when he saw the vein next to his head throbbing with anger.

But you never imagined yourself as you would be now.

His pelvis slammed brutally against your ass, leaving loud noises from your sweat-soaked skin. His hands gripped the corner of the table tightly to try to take out all the frustration of pleasure. The same table moved brutally due to the force that the man behind you used. The floor was already dirty from the mess of the two of you, from your past orgasms, your feet on your toes, trying to get away from him.

Her moans of hatred were replaced by moans of pleasure and contextless murmurs. Eyes rolling into the back of his head every time he pushed all the way in, bringing the pleasure of having his G-spot hit and pressed.

His dick spread you so wide that it was impossible for you not to have every part of your pussy molded by him. It was so big that it took a while for everything to enter, it took many minutes of pushing slowly, filling you completely, his body trembled, sensitive every time his tip touched the entrance to your uterus.

"Who knew you only wanted a good fuck with me, hun?" One of the scribe's hands grabbed his hair, pinning his back to his abdomen. The thump of wet skin made you let out a more needy moan. “You look so much prettier with that stupid bitch face.” He laughed arrogantly, cupping your cheeks and sealing your lips with his. His tongue was brutal in invading, smearing all of your drool all over your faces.

His body hurt from how long they had been at it, how many orgasms had he given you so far and he didn't even have one? His resistance was so much that you envied, it only took two fingers and cumming on his fingers that you already felt exhausted. But he wasn't satisfied, he wanted more from you, he wanted to make you pay for all the times you humiliated him. He would destroy you and then make you his.

"Haitham, archons! P-please!" You didn't even know why you were begging so much, you just felt like you had to ask, that you needed to beg for him. His pussy clenched again, sucking his cock hungrily, spilling more of her juices down his thighs.

Alhaitham knew you were reaching your limit again, your body was shaking even more, legs restless and hands gripped your biceps tightly, your pussy suffocated his dick even more making your movements difficult.

"Are you going to cum again? Is this greedy pussy going to make me wet?" His tone was sweet and low, making you even more desperate for your orgasm. His head shook countless times, his vision became so blurred and dark.

That's when he stopped. His body gave one last spasm as he stopped his movements. His eyes met theirs, trying to understand the reason, widened by the repeated pause.

"W-why w-..."

"Lay down on the table and hold your legs like this." He guided you, always holding your waist so you wouldn't fall to the ground, especially because you couldn't keep your balance alone. "Put your leg here, I want to see you cum looking into my eyes." His tone was serious, giving you more anxiety.

Alhaitham held one leg on his shoulder while wrapping the other around his waist. He had the great vision of having his body covered with a thin layer of sweat, red cheeks and lips, eyes with tears in their corners and labored breathing. His skin was all bitten and marked by hickeys, he would say he did a lot of damage.

With just one push he was inside again, the sensation returning to his body made him throw his head back and arch his body. The moans of pleasure gained tone and spread throughout the store. The creaking of the table returned along with Alhaitham's short, low moans.

"This way go deeper, I feel like I could tear you in half if I push harder." His fingers played with your clit smugly. Alhaitham couldn't be human, the way heand it made you have spikes, it was inhumane.

The feeling of euphoria in his stomach came back with a vengeance, his vision became blurred and his body tingled with excitement. He understood of course, even because he let go of your leg with force, holding your wet cheeks and forcing you to look him in the eyes. Anger and lust dominated him so much, leaving him a wild man.

"You're going to cum looking a me, you hear? I want to see you humiliate yourself for this just like I did. And when it's over, I'm going to make sure you're not the uneducated bitch you are." He said through gritted teeth, his tone was hard and dry.

You agreed, even though your brain was already melting from so much overstimulation and unable to process anything. His mind only focused on how good Alhaitham's dick felt.

His hips increase the rhythm quickly, seeking his orgasm and yours, his hands didn't stop in one place, every time squeezing a part of him and leaving his marks on your body. The Scribe moaned loudly with you now, ignoring the people passing by the store front, following you in harmony.

"I'm going to cum! N-ngh! Haitham! Alhaitham!" His hands gripped your biceps tightly, digging his nails into the exposed skin, drawing blood.

Alhaitham growled low, closing his eyes for a thousandths and opening them again, his hands rested on his waist, pressing her pussy against his pelvis even more. The bulge of his penis in his belly appeared and disappeared due to the speed.

"I'm going to cum inside you and you're going to take every drop without complaining." He moaned against his lips. Just the mention of him filling you with his cum made you reach your peak.

And you came, giving a choked and cut moan, squeezing Alhaitham's shoulders tightly and legs tied to his hips. His pussy milked him hard, forcing him to fill you with his thick, hot cum. His toes twitched feeling the hot liquid dominate his insides.

The scribe's hands kneaded the skin of his waist, taking out the excitement of his orgasm. Breathing heavily and letting out choked growls.

You moaned as you felt even fuller, you could feel him pulsing inside you more and more. With a tidy body. Alhaitham pulled his penis out of you, seeing the white liquid mark your belly. His eyes seemed lost analyzing you.

The man's hands went behind your thighs, lifting you onto his lap. Pressing your tired, limp body against the wall. His face got closer still breathing against your lips.

"I want more" his voice came out gentle, so out of touch with how his tone was "I want you for myself"

His eyes rolled back as he was invaded smugly by him. Praying to the archons for mercy.

Because he had just started with you and didn't intend to stop anytime soon.

*

!translation or posting on other websites is prohibited!

Thanks! Bye!

[bayntons]

As someone in your 30s what have you learned and would you tell someone who is in their early 20s like me

bold of you to assume i've ever learned anything

jk uhm okay

holding grudges is exhausting. being upset is fine, being angry is too. but not indefinitely, you can't live like that forever.

a lot of things don't get wrapped up with a neat little bow, sometimes you don't get the answers you want or need and there simply isn't any closure.

(i guess what these two things basically amount to is that you need to learn to let things go)

being petty usually isn't the way to go. if something makes you unhappy or if someone hurts you, say it, tell them. try to figure it out. or don't and move on. you don't have to let people walk all over you, but don't play stupid ass games.

tell people that you love them. tell them they're important to you and that they make your life better. ik it sounds cliche, but it's true. life's too short not to. more importantly tho, show them. make an effort, show up for them.

you don't owe people anything just because they're family. it's okay to have boundaries or even walk away entirely when all they do is make your life worse. go and make your own family, the one you get to choose yourself.

same goes for anyone actually. cut out people who make you miserable, no one is entitled to being in your life.

being a person in this world can be hard, life is hard, so try to give others and yourself some grace.

related: being kind to others makes it a whole lot easier to be kind to yourself as well.

but also some people are just assholes. there might be a reason for that and you can try to understand, but don't let them turn you into one and stay away from them.

exercising unfortunately does make you feel better, both physically and mentally. as does going outside.

vegetables are the best thing in the world once you figure out how to properly prepare them and which meals to put them in.

turns out drinking enough water is important.

sunscreen + moisturizer. use them.

if you wear bras, make sure they actually fit and are supportive without hurting your back, shoulders or skin.

if you have a uterus, your tummy is never gonna be entirely flat. that's okay. if you don't have a uterus and your tummy isn't entirely flat, that's also okay. having any kind of tummy is okay. actually, as long as you're happy and healthy, your body is fine as it is. you don't exist to fit into some kind of ideal society forces on people.

if you're one of the very few chosen ones, you do look better with bangs than without them because you have the kind of forehead the world simply isn't meant to see and you have to accept that. (this one's actually just for me personally)

but also who cares. you can do whatever you want with your own body. like i said, the only opinion that matters irt your looks is your own.

you don't have to figure out who you are and who you're gonna be for the rest of your life in your 20s. the person you were then most likely won't be the person you are in your 30s. we keep on changing, sometimes in small ways, sometimes a whole lot, and it's so so fun.

same thing goes for sexuality and identity. speaking as someone who thought they were one thing for almost their entire life, only to realize that's actually not the case, like, last year: it's fine to put a label on yourself because it currently fits and to then find an entirely different one later down the line. you're allowed to do that. you're gonna be so much happier once you give yourself that freedom. there's also nothing wrong with not wanting to label yourself at all.

there's no such thing as too old. you're not too old to start a new hobby, learn something new, do that thing you've always wanted to do, start over, be someone else. you're also not too old to still enjoy and love the things you did when you were younger. certainly not in your 20s, but also not at any point after that.

that all i've got for now because thinking and typing is exhausting and my brain is over 30 years old!!! might come back to this once i realize i forgot some really important wisdom, like, 'killing people is bad' or something.

[lokisprettygirl]

Utopia (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x female reader) (Non Canon AU) (18+)

Series Masterlist

Summary: Appointed as a sous chef for the ship Queen Utopia you befriend the charming Daemon Targaryen and quickly develop an unrequited crush on him, not really knowing that your lives are about to get tangled in more ways than one.

Warning: 18+, smut, sex, menstrual sex, unprotected sex.

Note : I'll try to keep this fic short as there's no sub plot but expect 4-5 chapters at least. This fic may not be what you think it is 👀

Deadly locks is not finished but I had to get this chapter out of my head

“Y/n.. Chef Dalton wants to see you..like right now” You let out a sigh of resignation as Emma chased after you, so eager to bring you to Chef Dalton. You were really hoping to find a moment of solitude in your room to rest.

“My shift is over Emma, I'll see him tomorrow” you said to her so she crossed ahead in front of you to glare at you.

“Are you trying to get fired?” Emma asked you so you crossed your arms in frustration.

“Yeah? And they'll find the new sous chef in the middle of the sea?” You asked her so she sighed and glared at you in disapproval “Look i really need to go to my room, and take a painkiller or my insides are going to churn out of my uterus because of this cramp” You yelled in frustration, as you were at the end of your rope. Your stomach was swirling in pain, and you felt like you were about to vomit.

As the door to room no. 143 opened up, you saw him. Him. Daemon Targaryen. The Bane of your existence, well not really, you had an unrequited crush on him but that wasn't really his fault.

“What's going on ladies?” his husky voice made you feel flushed so you looked away.

“Hey Daemon” Emma giggled at him and he winked at her.

“Darling, you heard her she's in pain..she looks awful –” your eyebrows scrunched as he said that.

“Thank you” you murmured so he chuckled in response.

“Tell Dalton she's not feeling well ..he will understand” Emma nodded and sighed before she walked away to speak with Dalton.

“Come here–” Daemon grabbed your arm and took you to his room so you groaned internally but obliged“Take this” he offered you a pill so you glared at him

“I'm not going to take some pill from a guy i have known for a month” you said to him so he chuckled.

“Ouchh love ..i thought we were becoming best of friends” he faked an offense so you took the pill and swallowed it “It's for my migraine attacks..very potent..you'll feel better soon”

“Thank you Daemon..I'll go lie down in my room” he nodded as you said that. You didn't want to be around him in such close proximity, especially in his room because you were afraid of doing something really stupid. As soon as you got into your room, you couldn't help but sigh in relief. You laid down, kicking your shoes off to the side in favor of pure bliss and comfort.

You had officially met Daemon, the lead singer and guitarist of his band The Dragonriders, on your first trip from London to NYC aboard the Queen Utopia ship .You had watched them perform before in the club you used to visit frequently with Emma, she was your old friend and she was also the one managing the band. She had insisted you apply for the job at Queen Utopia, the cruise ship was launched just a month prior and had taken only four trips from NYC to London until now.

You had no intention of crushing on the lead singer guitarist of the band but it happened.

His blonde hair and mischievous smirk was enough apparently. But he didn't feel the same way, you could tell, he was in love already with the lead singer of the band. They were together for years but as they embarked on this journey she broke up with him , however he was still hung up on her.

Every night after your shift ended, you made it a nightly ritual to watch them play at the entertainment center. You observed as Daemon, sang his heart out for her, with his eyes fixed only on her as he belted out every song.

Initially you didn't really notice him, sure he was strikingly good looking but in an unconventional way, he was the type of guy you'd have to have a conversation with in order to truly see his beauty.

“Beauty? A guy's beauty? Really y/n?”

As the pain medication kicked in, your cramp gradually subsided, which allowed you to finally relax. As you were finally drifting off to sleep, you heard a knock on your door and groaned again because you had to get up.

There was no one on the other side of the door. Instead, you found a gift basket outside your door containing a get-well soon card, chocolates, and other comforting snacks.

“Feel better soon. Daemon”

Why the fuck he had to be so nice?

Now that the cramp was gone you really wanted to go see his band play at the entertainment center. You took your time to shower and change into a comfortable outfit of jeans and a shirt. Besides, there wasn't much else to do on this ship anyways.

As you made your way to the venue, you spotted Criston and Aemond tweaking their equipments.

Criston Cole was the drummer in the band and Aemond was their bassist, Aemond was also Daemon's cousin.

Cole had been trying to hit on you since you all got here but of course your eyes were on somebody else, someone who wasn't really available.

As you made yourself comfortable at the bar, you observed Daemon and Lily engaged in a conversation, with her giggling at everything he was saying and he seemed so proud of himself for making her feel that way. It didn't take a genius to see why he was so in love with her, she was beautiful like an angel and she was exceptionally talented as well.

“You know you should just tell him that you want to bone him” Emma sat next to you so you glared at her.

“I don't want to bone him okay?”

“Then stop giving him the bedroom eyes”

You rolled your eyes as she said that.

“So what's their deal, like why did they break up?” You asked her sheepishly and she chuckled in response.

“I don't know..they had been together for years since they were kids..I guess she wanted to explore what else is out there ..she's a dreamer”

“Huhh?”

You leaned back in your bar stool as the sound of his guitar riff blasted in the air. It was the opening to I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic monkeys.

They occasionally played their original music but there weren't many of that so the band mostly opted to play cover songs

Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought

Maybe I just wanna be yours

I wanna be yours, I wanna be yours

“I'd cream my panties if someone looked at me like that while singing” Emma said as she sipped on her drink, you groaned internally as you watched Daemon and Lily eye fucking each other on the stage.

You had been groaning a lot these days and most of the time Daemon was the reason.

Once the show was over Lily and others ran up to you both.

“Great show guys” Emma immediately hopped off the stool to go hug them one by one,

“Thanks darling..I'm gonna go get a drink” Lily said as she excused herself from you two so you gave her a smile.

“Hey grumpy..i thought I wouldn't see you tonight” Daemon mumbled as he hugged you.

“Well I'm not here ..I'm just a ghost” you said to him and his eyes widened playfully.

“You know what helps with cramps?” He asked you so you looked at him curiously and waited for an answer..

“Sex”

“You're disgusting Targaryen”

“Just being honest..tried and tested”

“Ewww” he smiled but as he watched Lily having a conversation with a new hot passenger his smile faded. He was fuming with jealousy you could tell so you ordered a strong whisky and offered it to him.

“You know…this helps with that” you mumbled under your breath so he rolled his eyes but accepted the drink.

After several rounds of drinks, Emma suggested that you and everyone else should head to the club in order to celebrate the night. Emma's proposal was met with a general agreement from all the band members except you, “You guys should go ..I don't want to impose” you mumbled politely

“Ohh bollocks you're a part of the group now baby” Cole winked at you and it made you want to smack him for some reason.

“Grumpy” Daemon said under his breath so you sighed and eventually agreed, it was actually really nice to have people on the ship you could hangout with, otherwise it would have gotten really lonely really fast.

As you all reached the club Daemon asked you to dance with him.

“Look i know you want to make your girlfriend jealous n all but I'm not going to be that chick for you” you said to him while you were already hand in hand making your way to the floor.

“I just wished to dance”

“Sure you did”

As you both became more and more inebriated, your minds drifted into an altered state, allowing you to let loose and revel in the moment. You felt like you were on top of the world, filled with the type of carefree joy you haven't experienced in a long time. However every time his eyes lingered away from you and got stuck on Lily you noticed it and it hurt..

Later that night, as he walked you to the room he was quiet and he seemed upset as well because he had clearly seen Lily walking out of the club with that hot guy she had met before.

“It doesn't suit you” you said to him as you entered your room so he grabbed your arm and pulled you into his chest which immediately made your breath hitch in your chest.

“What doesn't suit me?” the smirk on his face was apparent as he questioned you.

“This whole heartbroken hung up guy look..you're a handsome man..hot ..sexy even..like extremely sexy and you can have anyone you want -”

He smiled as he looked at you, your entire being cringed at the cliche phrases you had used just now but as his fingers curled around your scalp you suddenly felt so shy and taken aback..this was going to be a mistake you knew that.

“You think I'm sexy?” He asked you so you nodded.

“Show me”

“What?”

“Show me how sexy do you think I am”

“Daemon you're drunk-”

“So are you”

“I know”

Without wasting a second further he leaned into you and kissed you and you wanted to stop him and push him away, not because you didn't want to do it but because you didn't want to be rebound fling. Despite your better judgment, you felt yourself succumb to his kiss and leaned into him to kiss him back feverishly..

“I'm on my periods “ you mumbled between the kiss so he chuckled.

“I don't care..I'll be gentle i promise..i know you want this darling..i see the way you look at me” His voice lowered to a seductive whisper as he laid you down on the bed and you propped yourself on the elbow to see him undress. Eyes blew out of the sockets as he took off his shirt, you knew he was muscular but you didn't expect him to be chiseled so perfectly.

Your mouth gaped as he lowered down his pants and he hurriedly unbuttoned your jeans to pull it off you ..

“Fuck I don't have the condom” he groaned as he looked down at you but the frown on his face disappeared as he leaned down to kiss you again.

“Are you on pills honey?” He asked you so you nodded like the desperate whore you were.

“Oh good girl ..you're a good girl” he whispered in your ear and your fingers clutched onto his biceps as he suddenly pushed his cock inside you, the wetness from your arousal as well as the unfortunate bleeding made it so slick and easier for him to thrust in and out of you

“Daemon–”

“Shhhh baby quiet..don't talk..”

The sound of his cock slipping in and out of you made your head spin even more and more, this was a mistake you knew that but you felt helpless, you had been lusting after him for a month so you took your chances in your inebriated state.

“Oh yeah..fuck..” he grunted and moaned and every little noise he made only somehow increased your arousal for him “Such a tight cunt ..oh precious lily I love you”

And there it was, the mumbling of her name that somehow made you feel sober for a moment ..

“It's y/n” you mumbled softly, almost on the verge of breaking into tears so he leaned down and kissed you again.

“I know? What's wrong?” He asked you so you looked at him for a moment but then you didn't say anything, you didn't want to ruin the moment. Instead of pushing him away like you should have done in the first place you kissed him instead.

“Keep going..fuck me please”

The rest of the night was a bit of a blur, you remembered him stumbling his way into the bathroom to clean up and then he helped you do the same and then he puked his guts out in the sink which you had to clean up.

The next morning when you woke up he was not there in the room but you didn't have the time to worry about that or nurse the pounding headache you had because you really had to be in the kitchen. Your shift was going to start in five minutes. However as the hours passed you began to feel nervous about last night, you had a crush on him and he was in love with someone else, you really wanted to turn back the time and stop yourself somehow from fucking up this badly.

As soon as you had a moment of free time after your shift, you located Emma and inquired about the band's current whereabouts. Upon learning that they were rehearsing, you felt an immediate compulsion to make your way to the rehearsal room to speak with Daemon. You wanted to tell him that you weren't expecting anything from him, even though the truth couldn't have been farther from it.

“Hey” you said to Daemon as you knocked on the door of the rehearsal hall and they all passed a look at each other before Daemon excused himself and walked towards you, he grabbed your arm harshly and pulled you outside.

“What are you doing?” he let go of your arm as he spoke, he seemed upset.

“Calm down..I just wanted to talk” you chuckled to lighten up the moment but it didn't really work.

“About what?”

“Daemon”

“It was just sex..we are adults ..we were both drunk and we had sex..that's it..” he was talking to you as if you were five and didn't really understand the situation.

“I know I just–”

“Are you going to be a clinger now? Really? I like you y/n i do ..but only as a friend” his tone was offensive and that only infuriated you further.

“You're being a jerk, you know that?” he chuckled as you said that but then his jaw clenched.

“Really? Didn't seem to think so when you were moaning my name in bed like a whore?”

You slapped him on the cheek, his words were really hurtful not only because he was being mean but also because you actually liked him and you had never been spoken to this way before so it really bothered you.

“I thought we were friends -”

“We are and that's why I was hoping you won't create a scene”

“I just wanted to talk” you raised your voice so he glared at you.

“About what? We slept together..big deal”

“Okay now i know that..forget that i said anything” you turned around to leave and he didn't stop you or anything.

He didn't care at all.

Daemon huffed as he went back to the rehearsal room. What was he thinking last night? Well that was the problem he wasn't really thinking, Lily was talking on the phone while Cole came to him and looked at him suspiciously.

“What was that about?” He asked Daemon to which he responded with a sigh,

“I messed up..we fucked last night..I fucked y/n..don't tell Lily” Daemon said hurriedly

“Why not? She's not your girlfriend anymore” Cole asked, there was a look of amusement on his face.

"I can't afford for her to think I'm messing around. She'll realize what she's missing out on and come crawling back.”

“What about y/n?”

“What about her?” Cole looked at him so Daemon rolled his eyes “We are adults, we were drunk and had sex..big deal” he repeated the same words he had said to you even though the guilt had started to creep in already.

He wasn't a mean bloke, especially not with girls like you but he had been the biggest arse of the century just now.

“Does she feel the same way? she doesn't seem the type to sleep around either” Cole asked him curiously.

“I don't care”

“Cool..so I have my shot open here huh ?” Cole winked at him and Daemon's smile faded, now sure he didn't want to date you or even sleep with you again but then why did the thought of Cole having sex with you made him feel uneasy?

Memories of your body underneath him last night flashed through his mind throughout the day, the way you looked so beautiful and how you responded to his touch and – no he had to stop thinking. He was just feeling guilty for hurting your feelings or whatever, he had a sweet friend in you and he had ruined that now with his big mouth.

At night as they played again at the entertainment center, his eyes looked around for you but you weren't there and he felt even more horrible so once their set was finished he took the lift to the lower deck and made his way to the employee's quarters to go see you. With bated breaths he knocked on your door.

“What do you want?” You asked him as you glared at him.

“I'm sorry about this morning” his voice no longer held the hint of insulting arrogance as before but that doesn't mean you were ready to forgive him.

“Fine..you can go now”

“Y/n..can we just talk?”

“No i hate that..I hate talking and i definitely don't need a speech ..it was my fault too..i knew you were hung up on someone so I should have been more careful” your eyes teared up as you spoke, making your voice quiver and you despised the way your body has betrayed you just now by being so fucking weak.

“I like you y/n..as my friend and as my neighbor here”

“I just told you I hate the talk”

"I know, I know, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not just some total wanker who did this just to hurt you, yeah?” you crossed your arms as he said that.

“Okay I get that”

He nodded but he didn't know what else to say to you so he wished you a good night and decided to go to sleep himself as for some reason this thing between you two had really bothered him.

For several days, you successfully dodged any potential encounters with Daemon. Though you noticed him watching you from a distance whenever you guys bumped into each other in the mess hall or the entertainment center but you understood that it was nothing more than guilt and embarrassment on his part. You did your best to keep your distance but one night when you noticed that he wasn't performing with the band, your concerns grew.

“Hey lily..where's Daemon tonight?” You asked her as you met up with her at the bar so she gave you a smile as she turned away from the gentleman she was speaking with

“Ohh he had a headache so he's in his room”

“You mean the migraine?” you asked her so she chuckled.

“Yeah same difference”

You excused yourself as you wanted to check up on him now as any other neighbor would. He brought you a gift basket when you had cramps.

You were just being a good neighbour.

You made your way to his quarter and knocked incessantly but when he didn't open after a few knocks you decided to twist the knob and see it for yourself.

“Lily is that you?” You rolled your eyes as you heard his low and gravelly voice.

“No it's someone you don't want to see”

You neared the switch board to turn on the lights as you spoke.

“Don't turn on the lights please.. it hurts”

You sat down on the bed as he said that and then you huffed as you laid down next to him, albeit maintaining a proper distance from him..you didn't want to come across as a clinger.

You turned your head to look at him as your eyes have now adjusted to the dark, he was shirtless and had placed a cold towel on his face, that probably helped with the symptoms.

“Does my perfume bother you? I'll go if it's intense” you said to him so he reached for your arm, you were thankful for the darkness because you didn't want him to see how much he was affecting you.

“No stay…distract me”

“How?”

“Sing”

“I'm awful at singing”

“Try”

You sighed as he said that.

“No.. I'm not going to sing. You know sometimes I get this smell of wet wood around me even though it's not there and then I have this intense headache..is that a migraine?” You asked him so he pulled the towel away from his face to look at you.

“Could be”

You didn't say anything after that so he cleared his throat before he spoke again.

“Y/n”

‘mmm”

“I'm sorry”

“It's okay..it wasn't just you..i should have been careful and i should have known better” he chuckled as you said that

“Well I'm not sorry about the night ..I'm sorry about how i treated you the next morning”

You couldn't help but smile as he said that. Well at least he was feeling something.

“Well perhaps you're not a jerk after all”

“Thank you..that means alot to me”

“Why?”

“Because you're my friend and I have grown to really care about you y/n”

You went to sleep that night worrying about your blooming feelings for the man that you knew would never feel the same way about you.

You fell into a deep slumber that was only disrupted by the sudden chaos that erupted around you in the form of screams and the wailing of sirens. As you woke up the warning red light in the room was flashing continuously,

“Attention, this is the Captain speaking. Our ship is taking on water, and we need to abandon ship immediately. I repeat this is an emergency. We are experiencing a major breach in the hull, and our lifeboats and life preservers are ready to be deployed. Do not try to save your belongings. Your safety is your first priority. We repeat, this is an emergency”

A sense of excruciating fear washed over you as you heard the message on the speaker, your life was about to change forever.

"Abandon ship immediately”

👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Note : Let me know if you want to be tagged

[judasgot-it]

I JUST WATCHED A TIKTOK AND OMGJSBELSNEN I need my favorite writer write something with it😭

It was about a wife having period cramps and using her husband’s hand as a heating pad and I instantly thought that that would be definitely a tecchou thing, I mean, It would be his idea fr

You're not only right about this - Tecchou is the kind of guy to go to the store and buy pads and say "It's uterUS babe. This might not be a battle I can fight, but I'll be there to support you." or some stupid shit. Probably made a whole speech about how men should support women and all that (he's a feminist goddammit)

Also omg I'm your fav writer ?? I'm screaming rn like rolling around on the floor. ILY anon <3

Scenario: Tecchou helps you relax on your period

"...that fart on my face saved my life."

Tecchou watched as on the TV screen, a group of scantily clad women poorly acted out being electrocuted. His face cringed as they bounced around, the screen flashing with the poor effects - how they shrilled in fake horror.

You were next to him, your head laying on his lap as you somehow found joy in the piss-poor acting of a film. The room was filled with over-the-top, unrealistic gore, and your overly entertained laughter.

He closed his eyes, relaxing deeper into the sofa as he tried to tune out the movie. He tried to distract himself by playing with your hair, feeling the strands slowly sift through his calloused fingers while you relaxed deeper onto his thigh.

A laugh escaped him when he finally heard the main character die, his hand hovering right above your shoulder as he let himself have a moment of joy.

"Are you enjoying the movie, babe?"

Opening his eyes, he watched as you twisted your body to look up at him, smiling a wide toothy grin. It was cute - like a cuddly cat, ready to dig her paws into his shirt. Without warning, he lightly squished your cheeks together with his fingers, watching the fat on your face squeeze and pill around, stretching and shrinking your lips.

A small smile pulled on his face as he watched your brows pinch together, your body further adjusting to accommodate his gentle teasing. Your nails dug into his hips, like a cat he thought, as you found a comfortable position laying across his thighs.

"Tecchou."

You stretched out his name, groaning as he moved his hand to start rubbing up and down your back. The soft pressure gave a gentle relief to the aching pain in your lower back, the small contractions causing you cramps that no man could survive.

"Do you need something?"

Tecchou tried to say this as gently as he could, his voice carrying over the film. You hummed, your jaw knocking back against his thigh.

"Can you get me a heating pad? My crampings are killing me."

You groaned as you said this, using Tecchou's obnoxious amount of body heat as an escape from the aggressive pain your body was putting you through. Maybe it was all of the working out because he always seemed to be warm enough to cause a housefire.

"Here. I have a better idea."

Without warning, Tecchou moved your aching body as if you were an ailing cat - with ease, although he was more than gentle. Carefully, he shimmied himself to lay underneath you, with your head lying on top of his chest and his arms resting against your stomach.

His body was warm, permeating through your skin as his calloused fingers traced your exposed navel, leaving invisible patterns in the skin. The pain that had started to lessen instead replaced with an overwhelming feeling, Tecchou.

The movie had faded away into the background - bad horror acting and awful sound effects, soon replaced with thinking about the feeling of the man lying underneath you.

"You know, this movie kind of sucks. No offense."

His voice was deep, reverberating through his chest like a cello while you pressed your ear simply just to listen. Simply humming, you felt his fingers tap mindless tunes along your skin, his palm being a light weight against your stomach.

"You look like a sleepy cat, it's cute."

"Don't move. I think I wanna fall asleep this way, you're just really comfortable."

Tecchou let out a huffed laugh, his leg pulling up to press you closer to him. You went back to watching the film, drowsily and numbingly listening as Tecchou complained about some inaccuracy in the film involving law enforcement. It was easy to drown out, with his soft T-shirt brushing against your ear each time he spoke, his arm readjusting you carefully as if you barely weighed anything.

He felt safe.

This movie is real btw and it was kinda ass but also kinda ok?? IDK

[amberlin1]

Including PCOS having people is a dividing issue for the intersex community apparently

I am AFAB. I quite like having tits and a vagina. I have hirsutism and zero periods without a bcp, and a body that felt like it betrayed me for a longass time. In my teens and 20s i had a lot of gender dysphoria, which felt really strange and uncomfortable to me, to be feeling the same thing mtf trans people were feeling (they were the only type of trans people in the media that i was exposed to)

I realised, when i realised i was bi, a lot of my identity issues went away almost immediately. It became a who-cares deal for me 20 min after me realising im queer. It's strange to say that it was freeing for me, after being raised new testament pentecostal, where i didnt actively feel like i was hiding. Religiously i didnt feel it, but it did overlap into the social aspect, where i felt it through sex, gender identity ,and gender expression.

PCOS made it so i never had a period for long stretches of time, until eventually without a bcp, i'd never have one. At one point, i'd go for 9 months without a period. I went for an x-ray and had to tell the tech when my last period was. 9 months. And i'm wearing the uniform for a prestigious secondary school. (I wasn't pregnant, i just have a shit body)

I largely kept to myself and never made additional connections with people, and romance was out of my head (for a lot of reasons, but this was one). i hated to show my face anywhere (difficult). I tried so hard to be feminine like i was as a child, and when i saw i couldnt i went the other direction. It was exhausting. I stopped. But i still kept largely to myself. But i kept trying to overcorrect this mistake. Im not a trans woman, i'm cis, so why do i feel like this? Why is this the way i feel? Why do i look like this?

I remember my mother asking me why i need to have birth control if im not having sex, and i'm not going to, cuz i don't have a bf. I told i feel like i need to to feel like a woman. She laughed at me. That was a stupid reason and it's a waste of time. I left it alone after that. For the rest of my 20s the same questions kept coming up, along with my (weak) rebuttal. I'm not trans, i'm cis. I just have a shit uterus.

In 2020 during lockdown, with no customer service work, and a lot of time on queer tiktok, i finally brought back up the question of my sex and gender identity and expression.

I remember a tiktok user saying they see themselves as intersex because of their pcos diagnosis. Its been like 4 years so details are lost, but from what i remember, because hormonally their body doesn't do what afab bodies are expected to do, they consider themself intersex. I played around with the idea but intersex as a label isn't mine.

I'm still consider myself pretty femme. In tastes and expression. But. There is a BUT.

As i say, I don't consider myself intersex. For physical or hormonal traits that i have. I don't think the label fits for me at all. It may for some people. That's okay, and i'm happy there are people in the intersex community accepting and welcoming PCOS havers with them.

I mentioned a BUT.

I can't see myself as intersex or trans.

I do like my default body.

I sometimes feel like i can have more. Not different parts, additional parts. But not all the time. Just sometimes.

I'm girl, I'm more than girl, i'm less than girl. I am nowhere boy. I can't fully take the trans label. Like, i can, conceivably, it's alright. But no. Not mine.

By definition, genderflux. It's a dimmer switch and for the most part i'm happy in the middle with a circumstantial need in either direction.

By the way it feels in my mouth, Genderfluid sounds better.

By vibes though, i'm sticking with genderqueer. I know what i am, i just can't describe it to myself, leastways to the world.

You don't have to think of yourself as intersex just because you have PCOS. But if you do, i'm grateful to the community that accepts you. At the end of the day, the human body is a strange thing. You may share situations or symptoms with somebody. Remember nothing is a unique experience, no matter how it feels. It's nice to have a community for support.

Just. Be kind.

We're all kinds of fucked up. That's why we're together.

[angstigone]

alrightie, period is coming so time to talk about the selfships kiddos.

(I use ocs for my selfships, but pls know it's me with different wigs).

murasaki + sukuna -> they have all boy triplettes + 1 girl.

tw: discussion of infertility, mention of traumatic childbirth.

in modern au, murasaki has to go through fertility cures because of having a endometriosis and general issues on her uterus and ovaries and boom triplettes.

they are all boys and mommy boys at that that takes after her, especially the firstborn is her copy except they all get sukuna coloring; the second and third are more the runts of the triplets although I do think that (1) look from murasaki and they are back in line.

they are very much controlled chaos because, again, they take after their mothers and that's a whole shit; on top of this, I don't think that it goes into... dark themes, but sukuna can be quite discipline-oriented with his upbringing so they do misbehave but when their father is not watching or when he's encouraging them, much to murasaki's annoyance.

then the girl wasn't expected, literally got them all worried because murasaki's prior birth was... gruesome and she's technically very limited in her fertility (especially as there's a ten years age difference between the triplets and her).

sukuna was very much like '... is this safe? should we consider other options' and murasaki was like 'we ain't'.

the girl is the princess of the house, quite clearly; she has murasaki's traits while sukuna's personality although smoothed again by her mother's own cunningness although it's oftentimes quelled by her own special trait of brattiness because nobody can tell her no.

naoko + aki -> (1) child (named after taiyo).

tw: mention of abortion (considering it), mention of miscarriage (not truly happening), generational trauma and parental anxiety.

it was an accident; they are both in their 30s (this is a modern au/not following canon) when it happens and while aki is like 'happy panicking' and organizing himself, naoko is fucking halfway through a mental breakdown.

she has always been convinced it's ... it's in her genes to fuck up a child; she had made it clear with aki that she didn't want any, although treating denji and power as her own, at traits (they have nowadays a more brotherly relationships). she's definitely in doubt about whether to keep it or not, till she risks of losing the child and blames herself because 'she made them go away because of her stupid doubts and no she wants them so much and...'.

taiyo is a good mix of her and aki: dark hair they both share and her dark honey eyes; he has naoko's smart and aki's sarcastic quips. strangely enough it's naoko who has to play the bad cop, because aki is too soft, always worried of upsetting their child while naoko was raised by kishibe. she's the one telling aki to ignore their child because they aren't crying otu of need but it's a tantrum.

(she comes back later when the child is calmed and they can have a conversation and makes sure to hug him tightly and tell him she loves him very much and she'll always be his mother).

katya + nagumo -> three boys.

tw: mention of traumatic past

it's much to nagumo's horror and katya's delight; he always wanted a small daughter, like hana, but in all truth, he never cared as long as the child was healthy and theirs.

much to his horror (x2) they are all mommy's boys (not the creepy type) but they definitly tell him not to 'bother ma' when he pesters katya or chase after him whenever he does it too much with his pranks.

the eldest looks like him but with katya's lighter eyes while the second and third came out with katya's hair and his smirk, which has their mother coo softly because they are all so perfect. all three of them are going to be cherished so much and never be met with the harshness their parents had to overcome.

they are all strangely well-behaved and oustanding member of society for being nagumo's children.

once they grow up, they bond more with nagumo and although they won't ever directly admit (unlike sukuna's children) they think their old man is pretty cool.

(still too annoying for their poor ma).

ardua + gris -> none.

ngl, they adopt rudo (and enjin).

but aside the jokes I genuinely think that they adopt/foster whatever child might come their way; this is mostly because they had to (1) wait till they retired, (2) I genuinely think that they are both two people thoroughly moved by helping others and making themselves useful.

children seem scary till you are feeding sweets to somebody who never tasted them and passing a brush through matted hair, while softly listening to their recount of their days and suddenly it feels like family.

[straypurrgatory]

It's getting weird for to be around the others nowadays, I feel very weird-

My friend will joke about things to do with periods and tampons, which would be fine with me since it's a natural part of a person's life (for those who have a uterus), BUT THEY'RE WAY YOUNGER THAN ME.

It's weird to be talking bout that with a guy that isn't your partner about that- maybe that's my opinion- but that's not something I'd usually would bring upto a guy who is 5 years older than you, even if they are funny tiktoks

it just looks wrong

It feels like things onl progressed since I turned 18, but the only reasonn why I haven't stopped it yet is simply cause I don't trust myself

what if I'm overreacting?? It's a normal human function-- maybe I'm overthinking

I'm not sure

They've been consistently trying to get me to be on call with them, which I am not comfortable doing for a few reasons.

I'm 18 now

The whole period joke situation

I can't stand the silence in those calls we have (It'll be dead silent the entire call)

I'm usually not sure how my mental is when they ask and I don't want to test it with them

I JUST DON'T WANT TO

The only time I feel comfortable is public VC calls when everyone is there- They even asked to do a sleepover call before, and I had to go around it byy inviting everyone in the server if that situation ever occurs

"But Hyster, why don't you talk to them about it? You're an adult it's your job to be responsible?"

I DID, A FEW MONTHS BACK BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY I WARNED THEM AND EXPLAINED IT ALL

We had this talk already, I shouldn't have to repeat myself, it's a pretty simple thing to remember since my birthday was legit a few days ago??

Not to mention it's getting really hard to trust them nowadays

I feel a little held hostage cause of my emotional attachment to this person, but also I'm way too important in their lie to just simply- go away?

The cruel reality of being an idol to someone

He's nice to be around with- whenever I start to distance, something happens where I feel that I must be there for them at all cost

Rather it's the constant gifts, or something bad is happpening

I love the guy but I'm also just- not mentally well enough to constantly be around or handle any situation that arises, and I'm worried he might take it to heart, or try to pry on what's been going on- which is the last thing I need

Speaking of which, I don't know why but I also feel like that with my other friend, we'll call him B to distinguish the two

Legit nothing against him, but I think something got frried in my brain and now everytime I talk, I suddenly don't trust him

I feel like something has changed and I don't like it. I could be just paranoid again but it's getting to a point I'm just being indifferent to him, or straight up just being aggressive behind the scenes

I know he cares and everything- but- I don't want him to pry in my life any longer either- after what happened last time I talked about it, I kind of just decided it was for the best-- I know he knows something is going on but I don't even know myself anymore

I just want to keep my mouth shut and build up my walls again with them all I don't even want to be here anymore. I feel like they're all plotting something against me or talking shut

I don't know if I can trust anyone in that family server anymore-

maybe I've just been tweaking for th past few weeks but it hasn't felt the same anymore

I don't feel right I don't meean to be distant and cold, I just salso don't want them to know why or what is happening eitherr

Maybe I'm just being stupid

[nightmarist]

feel free to answer public or private, im wondering what kind of hysterectomy youre getting? the main blessing of T is that is stopped periods for me which were stupid heavy, caused severe pain as i got older. lately its been on my mind to consider lowering my dosage to where its still high enough to keep the bleeding away. its in my mind lately again.i absolutely do not want a uterus if i decide to stop T completely. i dont know if it affects hormone production and i only found half answers. :/

A regular Hysterectomy is technically the removal of the Uterus only. I am getting what is called a "Total" Hysterectomy, which includes the removal of the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, and for me I am also getting my cervix removed.

If the Ovaries stay intact you still have hormone production, but don't have periods nor pregnancy.

Because I'm removing them, I pretty much have to keep taking testosterone for the rest of my life bc I will otherwise not produce the amount of hormones I need as a human person. In addition to other medical concerns for me personally, such as iron deficiency, anemia, depression, bone health, and other things. I already plan on taking T all my life anyway, so it's not a big deal for me.

If you stopped taking T without ovaries, you wouldn't, like. Drop Dead or anything, but you do risk some health concerns such as low energy, mood swings, bone density loss, and other things. If you do not have ovaries, you should have a regimen of at least Some kind of hormone. Cis women sometimes have to take estrogen if they have had total hysterectomies / ovary removal.

I used to have very heavy and painful periods and they thankfully stopped. They were heavy and painful mostly due to anemia. I didn't know until I got my first pre-t blood test done. Testosterone fixed it for me. You could look into if you might also have anemia, iron deficiency, or something else that causes heavy periods, but it could also just not matter if you end up getting a hysterectomy.

You could still risk mood swings if you go on or off any hormone, usually between 2-4 months when changes occur and eventually settle.

TLDR

A regular Hysterectomy is just the removal of the uterus, you should be fine on low or no T and not get periods.

Total hysterectomy, what I'm getting, removes ovaries (and cervix) so its safer for me to stay on T for various reasons.

Obligatory "Talk to your doctor if [medical thing] is right for you"

[brainyxbat]

(Venus’ supposed labor is a dud, and they return home)

Venus: Do you really need to record this?

Sanji: You’ll be happy I did. *talking to the camera* Okay, little one, here we are, back at home, because you weren’t quite ready to come out yet. You wanted to make an entrance; I get it. *turns the camera to Usopp* A-a-a-and he-e-e-ere’s your daddy. When he tries to tell you he used to be cool, you can see he wasn’t.

Usopp: 😑 

Usopp: All right, enough with the camera.

Sanji: Well, this isn’t for me, this is for the baby. Someday, she’s gonna want to see this.

Venus:

Usopp: I’m sorry, who’s gonna want to see this???

Sanji: 

Sanji: I, I said she, but lots of things are she; boats, cars, planes... thar she blows!

(beat of silence)

Zoro: You’re doing great.

Venus: Sanji!

Sanji: (to the camera) Uh, okay, I’m gonna sign off now. This next part may contain some adult language.

Venus: How could you?

Usopp: We made it this far without knowing, and you’ve ruined it.

Sanji: Well, you guys have no idea how hard it is to know something like this, and not say it.

Zoro: You told me it was a girl, and I didn’t say it.

Venus: Sanji!

Sanji: You were supposed to keep that to yourself!

Zoro: Oh, yeah. I guess it is hard.

Sanji: 😑

-

Usopp: Deep breaths, slow breaths.

Venus: I’m so thirsty. Give me some more ice chips?

Luffy: *crunching on the ice chips* Mmm, watery! *Usopp glares at him* 😐 Sorry, I’ll go get some more. *heads out of the room*

Usopp: Uh, Luffy, while you’re out there, don’t come back.

Luffy: Okay! *shuts the door*

Usopp: So, what are we gonna name this kid?

Venus: We could name her after your mom.

Usopp: You think?

Venus: Yeah.

Usopp: I bet we could.

Venus: Mm.

Usopp: Ah. It sucks that she’s not here.

Venus: *rubs his shoulder through her panting* I know.

Usopp: Hm. She would’ve been the best grandma.

Venus: Yep.

-

*Venus is walking around the delivery room with Usopp supporting her*

Usopp: Come on, V, breathe. Remember what you learned in birthing class.

Venus: I remember thinking this is stupid, and I was right!

Usopp: Do you want me to get the nurse?

(Sanji is about to enter)

Venus: No! If one more person puts their fingers near my uterus, I’m gonna cross my legs, and snap ’em off!

(Sanji quickly retreats)

-

Usopp: *rushes into the waiting room* She’s here! The baby’s here!

Nami: Oh!

Sanji: Congratulations!

*they all share hugs with the new father*

Perona: How’s Venus?

Usopp: Tired, but great. They’re both great.

Robin: Does the baby have a name yet?

Usopp: *feels choked up* We have named her... B-Banchina.

Nami: Awww!

Zoro: Oh, like your mother!

Usopp: *blinks tears away* E-exactly. *sniffles* 

Zoro: *pats his shoulder *She’s really proud of you, buddy.

Usopp: Th-thanks. *wipes his eyes, and sighs happily* Well uh, I’m gonna get back. Thank you for staying up, I can’t wait for Banchina to meet her new aunts, and uncles, and... (to Sanji) godfather.

Sanji: Really?

Usopp: Of course.

Sanji: Ya hear that, Zoro? I have a girlfriend and a godchild, you have NOTHING!

Nami: 🙄

[namazu-running]

There’s been a lot going on and I think maybe it’d help me to tell someone about it, but I really don’t feel ready to do that, so I’m gonna share it here instead. At least then I can still say I told someone, even if that ‘someone’ ends up being a complete stranger that only read this in theory. I don’t want or expect sympathy or pity in doing this, and I don’t necessarily need anyone to reach out (thank you though <3), I’m just tired of having to hold onto everything by myself. This is going to be a long post.

If anyone does read this, TW for: verbal, emotional, and financial abuse and mentions of violence against drug addicts.

My Missing Aunt

My aunt has been missing for 3 months now. The police have two leads and have had these leads since a few weeks after she was reported missing:

The first lead is that one acquaintance of her sister (I’ll call this acquaintance ‘B’) said that she knows someone who saw my aunt get kidnapped. This person claims to have been looking out a window of their apartment and saw my aunt sitting on the ground outside the church next door sometime in the evening (my aunt is homeless and is not allowed in any of the shelters for drug-related reasons). They saw a van with fully tinted windows pull up next to my aunt, saw a group of men drag her into the van, and watched the van drive away. This person isn’t comfortable speaking to the police themselves, so they spoke to B, who recounted their statement to the police. The police won’t investigate this account at all, and when my mom asked why, they explicitly told her it’s because B has a history of drug use (even though she’s been sober for a few years now) and is therefore an unreliable source.

Related to the above first lead, the police are aware of a trafficking ring operating in the city in which my aunt went missing from. I know the police aren’t stupid, they can connect the dots between a group kidnapping and this ring. They still refuse to investigate.

The second lead is that someone who works at a local thrift store claims my aunt used to sleep in their dumpster often, since it usually had lots of clothes and other soft fabrics in it. This thrift store has a scheduled garbage collection day, and so they allowed her to sleep there as often as she wanted so long as she found somewhere else to stay on garbage collection day and the night before it. The employee says there was an off-schedule garbage pick-up around the time my aunt went missing, but the staff didn’t think much of it until they heard my aunt was missing. The police do believe this lead could be true, but they refuse to investigate because it would have cost too much to stop garbage collection for a few days to search the dump. An acquaintance of my uncle who used to be involved with police affairs has said that alongside the several thousand dollars it would cost to search the dump, he can also guarantee the cops would find at least a few other bodies, and that would mean more work. Because the police won’t investigate, they’ve told us we may as well just accept that she was picked up in that dumpster and that her final resting place is the garbage dump.

My Mom

On top of my mom having to deal with her sister being missing (and the high likelihood that she’ll never be found), her cancer is back. She had surgery to remove the cancer in her thyroid and lymph nodes back in 2018, and now she has cancer in her uterus. It hasn’t grown much yet thankfully, but because it hasn’t grown much yet, the doctor won’t perform a hysterectomy. Instead, they’re just going to heavily scrape the lining of her uterus and hope they remove it all that way. She’s post-menopausal, she doesn’t need her uterus anymore. She would rather they just take it out to be safe. They won’t.

My Parents

To put it bluntly, my dad treats my mom like a live-in maid. This includes:

Never going on dates because he doesn’t feel like it

Spending almost $100 a week on smokes and beer, but getting mad at my mom for buying a $5 houseplant because it’s a waste of money

Criticizing every purchase my mom makes because she ‘spends too much’

Using her inheritance from my great-grandfather to build a garage, which has essentially become his space

The only things he enjoys anymore are playing video games, watching tv (but only the shows he likes, if my mom’s watching a show and he decides to watch tv as well then she has to change what she’s watching to one of his shows), sitting in the garage drinking and high, or sitting up at the neighbour’s house drinking and high. If my mom wants to spend time with him, she has to either watch tv with him or sit around and drink with him. He will not do anything else, and he will not seek to spend time with her doing what she enjoys. Yet, if she chooses to do something she actually wants to do by herself instead, he gets upset that she won’t spend time with him.

He will not help with inside-the-house chores unless he notices my mom is getting angry about it and wants to avoid her confronting him, in which case he’ll empty and refill the dishwasher and maybe put a load of laundry into the wash (but leave it for her to fold). They both work roughly the same amount of hours—when my dad gets home, he immediately either sits down on the couch in front of the tv, grabs a few beer and heads out to the garage, or walks up to the neighbours’. And that’s where he stays either until supper is ready or until he goes to bed. When my mom gets home, she cleans the house, cooks supper, cleans up from making supper, and then gets the luxury of watching an episode or two of a show or playing a game of cards at my neighbours’ before she goes to bed.

When my brother gets into shit or starts an argument, suddenly he’s not ‘their child’ but ‘my mom’s child’, and his behaviour is her fault for not raising him properly. Which is funny, considering my brother’s lack of respect for others and his poor temper are very similar to my dad’s.

If my mom makes a simple mistake, my dad gets upset with her. If she cooks dinner and he doesn’t want it, she should’ve made something else because he’s tired of what we usually eat. If she’s late getting home, she’d better know what she’s making for supper because he hasn’t made anything. If my mom doesn’t want to sit around and drink for one single day, well it’s not like there’s anything else to do so she can either drink with him or spend the day alone. If she’s upset about something (like, y’know, her missing sister or her shitty husband), she can have a few minutes to cry by herself and an awkward one-armed hug from my dad, anything else is an inconvenience and she needs to pull herself together.

Yet despite all this, she loves him and she believes in staying committed to him because he ‘used to be a fantastic husband and father’, so she refuses to even consider leaving him. She’s resigned herself to spend the rest of her life feeling unloved and unappreciated out of a sense of duty to someone who doesn’t exist anymore, and so the only relief she’ll ever get is confiding all of this to me so she doesn’t have to bear it alone.

My Brother

I love my brother like I love anyone else in my family, but he’s a piece of shit, for reasons such as:

Being racist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic, classist, believing that drug addicts are worthless detriments to society who should all just be exterminated, etc. He’ll never say this is public since he cares what people think about him, but as his family that lives with him, I have the displeasure of hearing his opinions on people quite frequently.

He has anger issues that he used to take (verbally only, he’s never been physically aggressive) out on my dad since the two of them fought regularly, but since he’s trying to rebuild his relationship with dad, he takes his anger out on mom instead. He’s just like dad; everything she does is wrong and stupid and there’s something wrong with her. And because she’s always played the role of the mediator in our family, she just takes it and hopes he’ll calm down and leave her alone soon.

Related to the above point, my brother did finally recognize that he has a problem about half a year ago when he found out his coworkers were making fun of him and looking down on him for his angry outbursts, and he did agree to try medication for it, but he stopped taking the meds within a few days because they made him sweat a lot and now he refuses to go back on medication as a whole. He adamantly refuses to try therapy either, so he’s just rawdogging trying to solve his anger issues and the rest of us have to just put on a strong front and deal with it.

He earned himself a DUI last year and, because he had spent his meagre savings on weed and alcohol, my parents had to pay all his legal fees and the impound fees. He’s been put on a weekly payment plan to pay them back and he was doing well, to the point that he actually paid off the legal fees entirely and he now only has to pay them back for the cost of his truck (which they bought for him well before the DUI and that he’d owed them for since they bought it). He’s currently refusing to continue making his weekly payments because, like he does every year, he got laid off from his job in late fall and is now planning to coast through the winter up until April or May on the small amount of EI he’s eligible for. He can’t afford to pay our parents back when he needs that EI money for weed, alcohol, fast food, and driving his leech of a friend all around the city every night so they can get high. I don’t think he knows yet that our parents are starting to struggle financially and are eating into their retirement savings, so they’re going to start charging us $250 in rent each month as well.

He also doesn’t help with chores around the house, but on top of that, he constantly leaves his messes for mom to clean up. Dirty Q-tips and empty tp rolls get thrown on the floor literally right beside the trash can, grease and crumbs from his meals are left in the air fryer to congeal until mom goes to use it days later and finds the mess, dishes and cutlery get left in his bedroom covered in moody food until we literally have nothing left to eat off of, etc. I won’t pretend like I’m a perfect child/housemate, I also don’t help out nearly as much as I should and I know that’s a problem, but I will at least gladly help out when asked to and I’ll do a damn good job of it. He won’t even clean when the Pledge and a rag are left on the kitchen counter beside a note asking him to dust and telling him specifically where to dust. He’s 23.

I strongly dislike having to interact with him and I hate hearing the things he says both about other people and about mom, but we both still live with our parents, so I can’t exactly keep much distance from him.

Housing

I’d like to move out of my parents’ house sometime in the near-ish future both because of my brother and so that I’ll be safe whenever I come out as nb (my parents are both varying levels of trans- and homophobic as well), but I really don’t want to sink my paychecks into rent for the rest of my life, so I’m trying to find somewhere small and affordable to buy. I don’t need anything nice, I’d be content with a 3-room mini home so long as everything’s up to code and it only needs minor DIY renovations at most. But even the shittiest-looking houses in my area of interest are still $350,000+, I’d probably have to offer more than that just to out-buy wealthier out-of-province folks, and I can’t afford a 10% down payment of $35,000+ when I make about $1000 per paycheck and my savings doesn’t seem to ever move above $9,000. My parents would likely help me out a bit, but they definitely can’t afford more than half a down payment and I don’t think I could even accept that much from them when I know their financial situation isn’t a whole lot better than my own.

I could probably see if my boyfriend of 5 years would be interested in getting a place together, but when I posed that idea to my mom, she recommended I get the house in my name alone and then have him pay rent instead, then put his name on the deed as well once the mortgage is fully paid off. I’m okay with this, but I don’t know that my boyfriend would be since it would cause an inequality in our relationship, and I also know he currently doesn’t have the money to afford rent payments anyway.

Right now, the only plan of attack I can come up with for making the money I need to move out is to get a second job, put my education on hold until I no longer need the second job (due to mental illness and ADHD, I can’t work full-time and attend classes often enough/do assignments well enough/have enough assignments passed in on time to get passing grades in school), and severely limit my spending to necessities only (rent, car insurance, health insurance, phone bill, gas, and any unexpected or infrequent costs related to my car or my health) for the foreseeable future. My birthday is coming up at the end of March so I can also just ask my mom to give me whatever money she would have spent on a gift instead of buying anything, but we feel and express appreciation through physical gifts, so neither of us would particularly get any enjoyment from that.

My Health

I’m still fairly healthy, like there’s nothing majorly wrong with me that I know of, but there are some little things that are building up and have become extremely overwhelming:

My memory and attention span have gotten worse over the last few years, to the point where I went from being a B student with a few As in my 2nd year of uni to Cs and almost failing in my 5th year. I remembered to finish maybe half of my assignments before their strict due date, and the majority of what I did hand in was done with an extension. I skipped probably 35%-40% of my lectures because I just didn’t have the energy to go to them or because I needed that time to work on assignments instead, so I constantly had to ask classmates for notes and try to catch up in my free time. Going to school and working part-time simultaneously is becoming increasingly impossible because of my shitass memory and attention span and that means I’ve had to put my education on hold, which I can’t (and don’t want to) do forever, but trying to juggle both work and school made me super depressed and vaguely suicidal, so not much other choice there ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

In the last few years I’ve become increasingly fatigued, to the point where I never have the energy to do anything productive, and I can only keep up enough energy to do my job to a decent standard or play a video game for about 4-5 hours before I have to lay down for a nap. I sleep anywhere from 8-10 hours on work nights up to ~15 hours any other night, but I’m still a zombie on my feet all day and I still don’t remember the last time I woke up feeling even sort of well-rested. I’ve had blood tests done and nothing abnormal showed on them, so aside from a few basics like even just 10 minutes of exercise a day and cutting sugary foods out of my diet, I honestly don’t know what else to do.

My lower back, left hip, and left knee have been hurting for a while and have gradually been getting worse, but I only worked up the courage to talk to my doctor about it back in October because he’s very much a ‘you just need to lose some weight and exercise more’ kind of doctor and so I didn’t see a point in getting his help. He did write me out a prescription for physio at my request, I’m just kinda stuck in decision paralysis trying to figure out who the best physio to go to would be.

If anyone read all this, thank you. You really didn’t have to listen to me vent for a kilometre and a half and I didn’t expect you to, but I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to give to me and I genuinely love you for that. I hope your day goes well and brings you lots of happiness <3