#my struggle of trying every possible thing in the game to get it to trigger was a whole event

[corvarrow]

https://bsky.app/profile/corvarrow.bsky.social

Since everyone is posting Bluesky info (I hear Twitter is doing stupid stuff once again, lol), here's mine!

I've had it for awhile but continually forget to use it since tumblr is my favorite social media >_>a I may start using it a little more for kind of "one off"/random thoughts like "what podcast am I currently listening through" (Derelict).

I should probably attempt to crosspost art there too but. You guys know I like to write novels in the descriptions 😂 Can I stand cutting out text?? Guess we will find out.

[amazinglyashy]

hi! First of all - i love the way u write omg😭 i basically went through all your posts last evening and today hahah (procrastinating at it’s finest😌) Second - i wanna request a prompt, but i dunno if it’s too close to the one where ‘reader tells the lads boys that she’s too heavy for them’? if so, just ignore this!🫡💗

If not - could you write something about the boys finding out that reader/mc used to have bulimia(/or unspecified ed) and that she’s quietly struggling again, but not telling them? Maybe something angsty/comforting?

Trigger warning - This involves talk about eating disorders. Please use discretion when reading! Oh my gosh, thank you so much!! That means so much, because I used to write a lot years ago but stopped for a long time. I only got back into it recently, so the love I've been receiving has really done a positive number to my confidence. Thank you, lovely <3 I don't think it's possible for me to NOT write this request, because I'm a long time ED sufferer, and I am currently experiencing a harsh relapse unfortunately... You read me like a book, because 'Too Heavy' was a direct reference to that. It's hard, because it's such an invisible problem that oftentimes you suffer alone. Thank you for the request, hopefully I did it some justice, and for you or anyone who may relate to this post. (Also wrote this while listening to Lullaby - Jhameel on repeat. Give it a listen!)

Love and Deepspace Li's find out about your ED (and your current struggle)

Zayne -

The moment he finds out you live with an ED, he's down at the library finding any books he can, and researching as much as possible throughout the hospital and his old college's database.

He's also finding patient testimonials that have been released, so he can find the most compassionate approach that would help you without causing you any more harm than you already are experiencing at the hands of your own mind.

"I found a new restaurant I want to try. Apparently, they make a certain dish really well, I think we should try it together while we go over the latest mission you wished to tell me about."

He knows what you like, so it makes it easy for him to order things to share together places and ensure you're eating.

He will go out to eat every single day if he needs to, that's not any issue to him. Neither is sharing foods or cooking meals that he knows you love, even if they're not particularly his favorite.

He tries not to talk to you much about it, but does his best to be encouraging and nothing more whenever the subject of professional help comes up.

When you start opening up even more to him, he's all ears, and he's exceedingly careful about his choices of words, like he always is, but even more so now. The last thing he wants is to speak a trigger, especially when he's so focused on helping you get better.

He knows it never truly goes away, your disorder. But that's not an issue. It's more... a fact of being with you. And just like you take his problems and disabilities, he will take every single one of yours as well.

In stride, and with love.

Xavier -

He caught on, mostly because he found it strange that one moment you had eaten every single snack in the cupboard, and the next he heard, you hadn't eaten anything all day. He was wondering if it was something he was just unaware of, but-

Quickly finds out what exactly is going on after a few times of this happening. He was worried it was some strange habit, and now he's even more worried finding out it's been something you've been dealing with for quite a while.

He's upset, to say the least. But he'll keep that to himself.

He just wants to help you now.

He'll ask if there's anything that you feel like sharing with him on how to best help you, and there's definitely a note somewhere on his phone with a list of things you told him. If he can do any of them daily, he will. Anything else is always on his mind.

He doesn't let it get in the way of your day to day, though. You still play games together like normal, read together, and go the arcade whenever you both have the opportunity to win some more plushies for your hoards. He's always conscious about his own comments and behavior, but he doesn't ever let it seem like he's keeping an eye on you or trying to supervise you.

The tightrope of trusting you and helping you deal with your disorder is a thin one, and Xavier dances along it with grace.

No matter what, being around him is a comfort. Whether you're having a good day, or a bad day.

Sylus -

He's pretty internally frustrated when he first find out about it, but he doesn't let it show.

It has nothing to do with you or anything you did. He's just used to... having everything under control. For every problem to have a solution solved easily with money, force, or some compassion.

This is something he can't control.

And he hates it.

Aside from that, Sylus is like a light in the dark.

He had a list of trusted professionals to help you, should you want, and multiple of them at that- just in case you don't feel comfortable with the first one or three.

Any food you genuinely like to eat is available at all times, it does not matter if it is three in the morning. Are you wanting it? Nice, it's right there on your plate.

The frequency of which you see him increases, including the twins, despite both situations being... vastly different.

Where he takes you out for dinners at new and gorgeous restaurants, including ones feature in your favorite media or having special events for a game you like- the twins are throwing bags of snacks at you and yelling at you to throw pieces into their mouths and so they can do the same to you.

You will learn Sylus did not ask them to do this, in fact he explicitly told them not to do that.

It's pretty obvious though, they were worried about Sylus. And not just him, but you too.

Probably because of how much Sylus has been concerned about you, even if just in secret.

He doesn't want his feelings to make you feel anything but loved, so prepare for a speech the second you feel any kind of guilty. You're not getting out of this one.

Not until you know how much he cares about you, no matter what.

Rafayel -

The way he treats it is extremely encompassing. The way he sees it, is if you're sad or not doing too hot mentally, it's going to affect every part of your brain, including the parts that make you feel the way you do with your ED.

Driving you somewhere? He's playing upbeat music pounding out of the speakers of his sports car, singing along goofily or making up new words. You haven't eaten in a long time? Too bad, suddenly he's hungry and wants a snack. In fact, he wants a snack every couple of hours. If you binged and feel like dying, he'll be offering you water and any distraction he can to get your mind off of your appearance or the guilt of your binge.

He will spend more of his own free time at the gym if he needs to to work off any extra weight he gains just to help you eat, if eating with him is what helps you and he doesn't want you to see him change and feel guilty over it. He doesn't care.

Constant, constant praise with him. It is not about your appearance, unless it's something you can change. Clothing you picked out, the way your makeup looks today, a hairstyle you did to yourself, etc. So many compliments on your achievements or work, all with a sweet smile across his face.

If it's really bad, he'll paint you gorgeous works in different sizes, that are conveniently perfectly sized to display directly over any mirrors in your apartment.

Whatever you need, he's on it.

He'll be there for you no matter your highs or your lows.

[allisluv]

Hii I didn't see it in your guidelines but it might be triggering so I'm so sorry if I did can you Finnick taking care of reader after a suicide attempt?? I'm so so so sorry if I triggered you I really hope I didn't I'm so sorry again.

-🎸

better days are coming.

pairing: finnick odair x fem!victor!reader

summary: after a rough patch, you turn to the unthinkable, but your boyfriend is there to help you through it.

trigger warnings: depression, crying, feelings associated with a failed suicide attempt, mentions of a failed suicide attempt, pre-established relationship, mentions of the hunger games/death, ptsd, nightmares.

authors note: this fic deals with heavy topics and may be triggering to some people so please make sure you are in the right headspace to read this. my inbox is open if you are struggling. there are people that care about you.

word count: 802.

When Finnick asks why you did it, you don't really have an answer for him. Not a solid one, anyway. The truth is, you don't know why you did what you did. Sure, you'd been feeling down since winning The Hunger Games, but according to the other victors in your tiny village on the shore of District Four, it was normal to feel that way. In fact, it was expected.

Mags had once said to you that The Hunger Games changed everyone in some way or another. She had said that nobody came out unscathed. You couldn't have possibly understood what she meant; at the time, you were only fresh out of the arena and the prospect of what was to come was the last thing on your mind.

The first few weeks back home had been easy. You simply woke up, fell back into your usual routine with Finnick, and tried to go back to being normal, blissfully unaware that there would never be a day where you would feel anywhere close to normal again.

Your victory tour was when it began. You had been forced to face the families of the fallen tributes, some of whom had died at your hands. Then the nightmares started, and the insomnia, and the overwhelming fear that you would never feel better again. It started slowly. It crept up on you, like a shadow that grows as the sun comes out from behind the clouds.

So, when Finnick asks why you did it, it's a lie to say you don't know. It would be more fitting to say you just don't know where to start. It's hard to explain how you feel both everything and nothing all at once. It's something that you don't understand yourself, so how on earth is anyone else meant to know what you mean?

You didnt expect to wake up, so when your eyes flutter open and you see Finnick with his head in his hands by your beside, dread floods your veins. You know that Finnick has every right to be angry, but the mere thought makes you want to be sick.

Finnick's sea-green eyes snap up when you toss in the bed. His hand flies out to grip your own, his grasp firm and tight around your fingers, as if he's afraid that you'll slip away if he lets go. "Hi," he whispers, voice hoarse from not speaking for so long.

"Hi," you whisper, rolling onto your side to get a better look at him. There's dark circles under his puffy eyes and his pretty pink lips are tipped down in a frown. A lump starts to form in your throat and it borders on painful as you try to swallow it down. You shift uncomfortably.

Finnick's brows knit together. "Are you in pain? Should I call a doctor?" His voice is soft and gentle, more gentle than you deserve, and that's the final thing to push you over the edge. Tears spill out over your waterline. "Oh, honey," he whispers, climbing onto the double and nestling in beside you. He pulls you into his warm arms and you go willingly, melting into his touch.

"I'm sorry," you murmur, burying your face in his white shirt so you don't have to look at him.

Unfortunately for you, Finnick knows exactly what you're trying to do. He coaxes you to pull away slightly and when you do, he tips your chin up with his pointer finger and thumb, forcing you to look him in the eye. "You don't have to apologise, baby."

"You're not mad?"

Finnick sighs. "I'm not gonna sit here and say that I'm thrilled you tried to kill yourself. I'm mad at the situation but I'm not mad at you, baby. I just-" he blows air out through his lips. " Why didn't you talk to me?"

This time when you try shrink away from his gaze, he lets you. Your response comes muffled into the fabric of his t-shirt. "I don't know. I-- I wasn't thinking. I mean, I was, I knew what I was doing, but it was like I was moving on autopilot. It didn't really sink in until after I'd done it. I know I'm not making much sense. I just-- I wanted it to stop."

Finnick kisses the top of your head. "You wanted what to stop, honey?"

"I just wanted everything to stop. I felt so lonely and I..."

Finnick sucks in a breath and unsteadily blows it back out. "Okay." He kisses the top of your head once more and breathes in the smell of your vanilla shampoo. "Okay," he repeats, smoothing his fingers through your hair. "I just... I wish you'd told me, 'cause you're not alone. No matter how alone you feel, I promise you're not alone."

[yanderes-galore]

Runs over and kicks your door open!! Yanyan!! I heard requests are open , would it be alright if I request yandere romantic Macaque hcs who’s falling for a female seer reader (someone who sees the future), the only thing is reader knows his next move.

This is such a cute nickname... I'll try my best 🥺 I did it general as I struggled with a plot? I mention a female darling twice in this and it can easily be ignored. I just felt the request didn't really need to be gendered...?

Yandere! Macaque with Seer! Darling

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Stalking, Possessive behavior, Violence, Mentions of mates, Dubious relationship.

Let's start with this, "Seer" is defined differently depending on definition and universe.

However, for the most part, seer does indeed mean someone who looks into the future to make predictions.

How accurate such predictions are... vary.

I have a feeling you'd already know about you and Macaque's meeting with one another.

Not only that, but you can no doubt sense the misfortune that will come with it.

He's the shadow of the Monkey King, after all. Mischievous yet ruthless.

If you think about it, seers are probably really useful in this universe.

Based on all of the fate stuff that goes on in it.

You no doubt feel a chill come down your spine when you meet Macaque.

Macaque likes to toy with interesting people.

He originally approached you for one reason or another, no doubt out of concern for his own fate.

Afterwards... He's intrigued.

You manage to catch his interest, being able to read his every move and know the endgame.

He both wants to test it... yet is also irritated.

I like to imagine the way you get visions is like small puzzle pieces.

You have ideas on what the endgame is, but don't entirely know everything.

Although, I can see your visions giving you an idea of what he intends to do, like kidnapping plans or potential targets.

Such predictions annoy Macaque once he realizes what he can't do.

He's aware of you being a seer, yet he hates he can't fool you.

You have him figured out, you read his every move, you see right through him.

Originally he's teasing, seeing this as a game.

He's testing you... just wanting to play around.

Then he finds himself drawn to you... the cute seer woman he met by fate.

This must be destiny.

Destiny would be a big part of your bond.

As a seer, you no doubt know how this will end.

Which is much different from most obsessions.

Your abilities allow you to predict what will happen... not prevent the end goal.

You can prevent the fates of some others... but your own?

You'll eventually belong to Macaque.

So I imagine Macaque gets frustrated and jealous like your typical yandere.

He's clingy and for the most part you let him.

Although, the moment his plans get devious, you step in.

For example, you may learn he's going to harm someone close to you, which allows you to step in.

But how I like to view this is much more... hopeless.

Makes this situation more dreadful.

Like... the future is set in stone. Destiny can't be changed.

It makes the story more bittersweet.

You know, deep down, there's no preventing this.

Macaque views you as his mate, his girl, his Seer.

In the end, he'll get you.

The only change?

You know what's going to happen...

There's nothing you can do to stop what you saw.

It's like a... prophecy, somewhat.

You know your eventual role... and just don't want anyone hurt.

So, by the end, when you feel it's time...

You'll let him win.

You'll let Macaque have his way, claim you as his.

This is destiny.

Who knows... maybe your visions will tell you something better?

Maybe it'll work out...

It's not like you can fight any of it.

Macaque is overjoyed when you give in.

His grip on you is tight, he promises not to hurt anyone else.

However... Only your visions will tell you if he's lying.

Your visions have told you what will happen... changing such a fate will be futile...

The only thing you can hope for is making it bearable.

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - A Little Funky

✄————————————

Jack Hughes x OCD!reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warning(s): possibly triggering content to those who do have OCD. Mentions of blood, angst, resisting compulsions.

This one’s for all my OCD people! Your struggle is just as valid even if it’s not always as visible as others’.

Next thing I’m working on is a Quinn request!

—————————————

“Why do you do that?”

It caught me off guard the first time Jack asked. I looked up from my menu. Fear struck my heart in concern that I’d already ruined our first date.

“Do what?”

“You blink like..” he paused, mimicking the action. The way I blinked hard. The way my head tilted occasionally with the force I needed to get my eyelids to close just right.

I let out a quiet sigh.

“Why do you do that?” He restated his question.

“‘Cause I’m just a little funky, Jack.” He didn’t need to know. Not yet. It would scare him off. So instead, I phrased it as a joke. But Jack was far more observant than I gave him credit for at first.

It wasn’t the first time my mental health interfered on a date. Or even that date with Jack. After dinner, we had gone back to his place and agreed to spend a bit more time together.

The night had simply gone too well to part so soon.

“What do you wanna watch?”

I shrugged at Jack’s question. I quickly sat down next to him on the couch, leaning into his side as Jack scrolled through a streaming service. I counted the seconds it took for the app to flick down from one section to the next. Lost in thought as he tried finding a movie.

“Stop.” My urgency made Jack raise a brow.

“You wanna watch Corey Carson?”

“No- no.. go back up.” I shook my head, and watched as Jack scrolled up to the previous section.

“Wednesday?”

“It’s wrong now.” I reached for the remote. Jack’s confusion only doubled. I was strategic in my continuation of the scrolling. Only when we got to the bottom of the page and restarted at the top, did I allow Jack to have control over the remote again.

“What was that?”

I never knew how to explain it to him. I didn’t know how to make him understand that my brain just worked a little different than his. I hated to keep him in the dark, but I thought it was safer for us both to keep it as such.

Our ‘talking’ stage consisted of a lot of great moments, with those occasional interruptions sneaking in.

Interruptions that would leave Jack questioning my habits all day, and leave me feeling like I was walking on thin ice.

“Jack baby…I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A beat.

“Jack- Jack..” I tried to stop myself. “Jack, listen.” He looked at me, trying to walk out the door to go to a game. “I love you.”

“I know.”

“You have to say it back now.”

“I already did.”

I could sense myself getting frustrated with him and upset with myself.

“I gotta go.. okay?”

I nodded, but my mind wouldn’t let it go.

“Jack.” I called his name as he opened the door. He quickly looked back at me.

“I love you.”

“I love you too! Jesus..”

“I’m sorry.”

I didn’t know why it had to be like that. Why my mind had to work the way it did. It scared multiple people off, and I was always afraid of losing Jack because of it.

Eventually, months into our real relationship, I sat Jack down to speak with him on the matter. It was only after I could no longer hide it, that we had the talk.

What I didn’t expect was him to be so relieved and accepting when I told him.

“We should really talk about what’s going on.” I cringed as I looked up at Jack from his bed. He looked exhausted from his game. I was equally exhausted from getting up every ten minutes to check if I turned the stove off.

“What’s going on?” I knew what was coming.

“All of this stuff. It’s different. It’s just- you say you love me a million times, and you have all these.. these off behaviors.” I could tell he didn’t want to offend, but that was really the only way for him to describe it.

I slowly sat up, patting the empty space on the bed beside myself.

“Jack please don’t be mad.”

“God I’m not gonna be mad, just please tell me you’re not a psychopath.” He huffed as he dropped onto the bed, pulling his legs up and shimming until he was next to me.

Some might argue I was a psychopath. Some days that’s how it felt.

“It’s OCD. It’s a disorder- it’s just.. it’s really hard to live with sometimes, and I know projecting it on you doesn’t help. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s what?”

“Obsessive compulsive disorder. It’s when you obsess over certain things, and then you have physical or mental compulsions. Like triggered behaviors or actions that help calm you down.”

“Like saying I love you five thousand times?” Jack eyed me with uncertainty.

“Yeah. I get nervous that you’ll leave and maybe..” I hated talking about it.

“Maybe, what?”

“I don’t know. Like what if you leave and then get hurt? Or die? And I never told you that I loved you. Or maybe telling you that I loved you would save you from that fate.”

We spoke for what felt like hours on the topic. Jack asked as many questions as he could, and tried his best to understand.

We both realized that the best form of understanding came with time.

When we moved in together, Jack had a load of time to form an understanding.

——————

“Hun?” I heard his voice from the bedroom, groggy and confused. I didn’t answer though, staring down at my hands splayed out on the counter top, sobbing quietly as I had convinced myself that my circulation was being cut off.

“Baby?” There was rustling in the bedroom, before the bathroom door opened and in came Jack, in a pair of shorts and no shirt.

“Aw damn..” the disappointment in his tone made my heart break. “Hey, it’s okay.. what’s up?” Jack slipped behind me, carefully wrapping his arms around my torso. He eyed my face, and after a moment he put the pieces together. “Your hands?” We’d been here before.

Jack moved his hands down the expanse of my arms, resting them on top of my own on the cool counter top.

“Don’t look at ‘em. They’re gonna be the same color and feel the exact same way in five or ten minutes.” Jack whispered. He pressed a gentle kiss to my collar. “Gotta relax for me, baby.

I always had issues obsessing over my health. One of said compulsions was the consistent checking of a body part and another was Google searching. In this case, limiting the amount of checking I could actually do, was supposed to help. To show me and my thoughts that I was okay.

At first, I hated giving in to Jack. I hated that his methods never felt like they helped. I hated him because in those moments I felt safer checking myself than not. I couldn’t understand why he wanted me to be hurt.

Over time I began to understand better, that he was helping. I just didn’t like it because it was a good method.

I breathed out a sigh eventually, leaning back into Jack’s chest and nodding to him. “I’m good now.”

There were other days when my OCD got the best of both of us. When Jack struggled between giving in and pushing my limits. When he never quite knew what to do or say.

“I can’t wait to be home.”

“Yeah.. my feet hurt.” I mumbled, eyeing the tile floor of the mall as we neared the door. I had been counting my steps. I made Jack start over with me in three different stores. I think the only reason he agreed was to not ruin my day. But it seemed since it was coming to an end, he was trying to not be as lenient. The second we got to the door, I stopped and turned to go back. Jack gripped my hand tightly.

“We can’t do it again, hun.” I looked back at Jack with wide eyes. His own baby blues responded with a sympathetic look.

“Jack, please.” I squeezed his hand.

“You can do it.” He encouraged, but I wasn’t sure if I could.

“Jack it’s not an even number.” Odd numbers usually meant somebody might die in my head. Jack knew that.

“Who is it?” He spoke softly. He held his free hand out and I slowly stepped into his arms.

“Ellen.” I whispered nervously.

“We can call her when we get home.”

I broke down into tears for the hour long ride. By the time we got into the house, Jack already had Ellen’s number pulled up. When she didn’t answer, he realized his mistake and I was devastated.

Those were learning moments for both Jack and I. He tried to work past his mistake, and I had to wait longer to speak with Ellen. Who had ended up being fine nonetheless.

Jack and I weren’t a perfect couple, and there were nights when I know he got just as frustrated with me as I did with myself. I hated to put that stress on him, but I learned over time that he was not going anywhere.

“Why can’t I just be in here with you? I wanna hang out.” Frustration seeped out of his tone.

“Because I said so, Jack.” I mumbled, barely giving him the time of day with my words, much less my eyes.

One of the things I hated most were the intrusive thoughts I occasionally got about him. The ones that broke my heart, because no matter what they were, I could never live with the thought of myself hurting Jack.

I never wanted to be around him when one came about. Especially because I was always afraid. It was something I never told him, and he never understood.

“Please?”

“No, Jack. Please go call Nico or somebody else. I wanna be alone right now.”

He’d huff and he’d puff, but damn he never went away.

“I’ll be back in a half an hour.”

He was always adamant on checking in on me. He knew when it was my OCD. I had little tells he was good at picking out.

Intrusive thoughts were not the only reason I avoided Jack at times. I also struggled to be around him when he had a cut or broken skin somewhere that was touchable. I was lenient about it being beneath clothing, but on a hand or his face, parts of his arms they weren’t covered by t-shirts, or his legs where they wouldnt be covered by shirts- then I had an issue.

Jack didn’t have diseases by any means. Maybe yaps-a-lot-itus, but other than that, he was fine. That didn’t stop me from getting extra tense when the moment arose where I could have gotten his blood on me. When Jack tried to fight me on that, we usually got into fights.

“Would you at least cuddle with me?”

I hadn’t kissed him for days, not since he busted his lip.

“Jack I can’t. It’s not-“

“There’s nothing wrong with me! I’m fine!”

We could both be emotional in these times. Jack hated to be neglected, and he hated knowing there was nothing he could do to help me. I hated hurting him, and I hated knowing I was helpless against my own mind.

“Please be patient with me?”

“I’m trying!”

If, or when I did get the courage to lay with him, I kept an arguably safe distance. Sometimes Jack would coax me into hand holding, and sometimes he wouldn’t.

There were other nights however, when all I wanted was to be in Jack’s arms. When I’d focus too much on a chest pain or the sound of my own heartbeat. When I’d convince myself I had a heart problem or something major was wrong.

“I really need you to tell me how bad it hurts.” Jack whispered as I sobbed into his chest, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that one might assume I was actually dying. Moments like these always scared the shit out of Jack.

“Baby, I really need to know. If we need to go to the hospital then we need to go now.” Jack tried. I tried to get ahold of my wandering thoughts, trying and failing to communicate with him.

“Come on. You gotta have something for me. One out of ten.. how bad is it?”

He moved one of his hands to trail through my hair.

“Two or three?”

I felt silly for sobbing over a pain that was only two or three on the scale, but that simple confession helped my mind come to its first realization. And it helped Jack relax.

“That’s not bad…” Jack sighed out. “Where’s it hurt? Can you show me?” He slowly pulled away. I looked up at him and swallowed before I reached up to press a hand to the center of my chest, then around my abdomen.

“What’s it feel like?”

I felt myself becoming choked up again. I couldn’t explain it. I let out a strangled sob.

“Hey, hey.. it’s okay.” Jack took my face in his hands, and wiped away the trails of tears. “Is it a sharp pain? Or a dull one, like a soreness? Or does it burn, maybe?”

“It burns..” Jack was always so good at helping me organize what I thought and felt. So good at helping me communicate when I didn’t know how to.

“That’s it?” He asked as if it was nothing. Somehow hearing his nonchalance also relaxed me.

“Baby.. we ate a few hours ago.” Jack whispered, continuing to wipe my tears away. “It’s probably just heartburn.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to my head. “I get it sometimes too. Feels all uncomfortable in your stomach and your chest? Kinda tight or burning?” I nodded to confirm that he was correct. “Yeah. It’s just heartburn. It’ll go away, just give it some time. If it doesn’t, we’ll go to the pharmacy and grab some pills.”

I was slow to nod in agreement of his plan. Jack pulled me back into his arms, whispering soft assurances and conversation starters. Some that I answered and some that I didn’t.

Occasionally that pain would grab my attention again, and a new wave of fear would strike, but Jack was one step ahead of it. Always one step ahead.

I rolled over in his arms, my back pressed firmly to his chest. One of Jack’s hands was hidden beneath my shirt, thumb rubbing gently back and forth across the skin of my stomach. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.

“You’re safe right here.” He whispered. “Safe as you could possibly be. It’ll go away before you even wake up in the morning.” He pressed a kiss to my shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” I mumbled.

“For what?” He shifted, propping himself up on an elbow and looking down at me. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him though.

“For being so hard to handle.” My voice quivered.

“Hey,” he cooed. “Hey, no.” He laid back down and wrapped himself around me, slipping one of his legs stubbornly between my own. Even though I insisted it was a weird position. “You’re just a little funky.. remember?“

I scoffed at his recollection of the first time we ever spoke.

Jack and I may have gone through so much together, but I realized that it was easier to tackle with him, than without him.

“Maybe a lotta funky.. but I still love you.”

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[knoepfl]

Mind Games

Characters:

Edward Nygma (The Riddler): A brilliant, egotistical villain who loves how his girlfriend adores him and sees him as a higher being. He takes delight in giving her a simple riddle and watching her struggle to solve it.

Reader (You): The girlfriend who isn’t very clever, but is completely devoted to the Riddler. She adores him and tries her best to solve the riddle he gave her, eager to impress him.

Trigger Warnings:

Power dynamic in the relationship

Light manipulation

Words: 735

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Edward Nygma leaned back in his chair, eyes twinkling with amusement as he watched you, sitting on the floor in front of him, desperately trying to solve the riddle he had given you. It wasn’t a difficult one—at least, not for him. But for you? He knew it would be quite the challenge.

He loved this. Loved the way you would struggle, the way your brow furrowed in concentration as you tried so hard to impress him. You adored him, worshiped him like the genius he was, and he reveled in that adoration.

“Come on, dear,” he cooed, his voice smooth and patronizing, “It’s not that difficult. Think about it for a moment longer.”

You looked up at him, biting your lip, frustration clear on your face. You hated disappointing him, and right now, you felt like you were failing. He had given you such a simple riddle, yet you couldn’t figure it out, no matter how hard you tried.

“I-I’m trying,” you stammered, glancing back down at the slip of paper he had given you.

What has keys but can’t open locks?

It seemed so simple. You read it again and again, trying to think of what it could possibly mean. “Keys but can’t open locks…” you murmured, wracking your brain.

Edward chuckled softly, enjoying the sight of you struggling. He adored these moments—the moments where you would stare up at him with those wide, pleading eyes, looking for the answer, looking for his approval. He leaned forward slightly, a smirk playing on his lips. “Don’t strain yourself too much, darling,” he teased. “It’s not beyond you… or perhaps it is.”

Your cheeks flushed at his words. He was so smart—so brilliant—and here you were, fumbling with the simplest of puzzles. “I just… I don’t get it,” you mumbled, feeling embarrassed.

“That’s quite obvious,” Edward replied dryly, crossing one leg over the other as he continued to watch you with that smug look on his face. “But I’m sure you’ll get there eventually. Or perhaps I should give you a hint?”

You glanced up at him, hopeful. “A hint would help…”

“Would it now?” He raised an eyebrow, clearly entertained by the whole thing. “Very well. What object do you use every day that has keys?”

You blinked, thinking it over. “Keys… I use my house keys… no, that’s not it…” You wracked your brain, feeling even more confused than before. “Wait… a piano has keys, doesn’t it?”

Edward’s grin widened, and he clapped his hands together. “Bravo, my dear! You’ve done it at last!”

Your face lit up, beaming at him. “Really? Oh! It’s a piano!”

He stood up from his chair, walking over to you with that superior air about him, as if he was bestowing a great honor upon you. “Yes, it’s a piano,” he repeated, his voice laced with mock approval. “Not bad… though it did take you a while.”

You blushed again, but this time there was a sense of pride beneath the embarrassment. You had solved it, even if it took you longer than it should have. “Thanks, Eddie,” you said softly, “I’m glad I got it.”

Edward leaned down, cupping your chin in his hand, lifting your face so you were looking up at him. His smirk was as sharp as ever. “You should be glad, my dear,” he purred. “But don’t mistake this for true brilliance. It was… adequate.”

Your heart fluttered at his touch, at the way he always made you feel like he was so far above you. And you loved it. You loved the way he could make you feel small and insignificant, while at the same time making you feel special for being the one he chose to keep by his side.

“I’ll keep trying,” you promised, your voice soft. “I want to get better, for you.”

Edward chuckled, releasing your chin and straightening up. “Oh, I’m sure you’ll improve, in time. But honestly, my dear, don’t try too hard. I rather like you just the way you are. After all, it’s far more enjoyable to watch you struggle.”

You blushed even deeper at his words, but the embarrassment only made you more determined to please him. You adored him so much, even if you couldn’t match his intelligence. And he adored you in his own way—because he knew you would never leave him. You needed him, and he thrived on that.

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Author’s Note: Thanks for reading! I wanted to capture Edward Nygma’s condescending but affectionate side in this fanfiction, showing how he enjoys watching his girlfriend struggle with something simple and how he thrives on being seen as superior. Let me know what you think!

[soaplickerrr]

Have another xx

Felix x Reader (Gn or Mn)

Video games, Felix gets frustrated because he keeps dying on a level of his game and asks Yn for help, The latter having been laying on Lix’s bed scrolling on his phone and laughing as Felix's struggles. Ofc Yn manages to defeat the level after their second try, and Felix is in awe but also playfully gets jealous. Possibly ends in a cute kiss as thanks.

Here you go!

(Gender of the reader isn’t really mentioned here lol)

Felix was focused intently on his video game, his brow furrowed in concentration. He had been struggling to clear a level for what seemed like hours. Every time he died, he groaned in frustration and reset the level.

You were lying on his bed, scrolling through your phone and occasionally looking up to watch him play. You couldn’t help but giggle at his struggles, finding his frustration adorable.

Felix eventually looked up at you, his eyes pleading.

"Hey Y/N, can you give it a try? I've been at this for hours and I just can't seem to beat it."

You chuckled and sat up, grabbing the controller from him.

"Sure, I'll give it a shot."

Felix watched as you played, his eyes wide as you smoothly navigated through the level and finally reached the end. You defeated the enemy with ease, and the “Victory” screen flashed across the screen.

Felix was speechless, his jaw dropped in shock.

"How did you do that? I've been trying for hours and you just waltz in and clear it like it's nothing."

You laughed, feeling a sense of pride at your accomplishment.

"I guess I'm just a natural."

Felix playfully rolled his eyes and pretended to pout.

"Not fair. I’m supposed to be the expert gamer here."

Felix continued pouting, his arms crossed in a mock gesture of annoyance.

"Seriously though, how did you do that? I've been playing this game for weeks and I still can't beat that level."

You chuckled, enjoying his playful jealousy.

"I don’t know, I guess I just pick up on things quickly. Maybe I should be the one giving gaming tips, not you."

Felix playfully bumped your shoulder with his own, pretending to be offended.

"Oh, you think you're so smart huh? Beating that level in two tries. I guess you're just the better gamer now, huh?"

You laughed and nudged him back, enjoying the playful banter.

"Don't be mad just because I'm better than you."

Felix dramatically threw himself on the bed, making an exaggerated sulking expression.

"I think I'll never recover from this," he said dramatically. "My ego is shattered. I can't believe I got beaten by an amateur."

You couldn't help but laugh at his antics.

"Oh, shut up. You're not that upset, you're just being dramatic."

Felix rolled onto his side, facing you with a mock pout.

"I am upset," he said, although his eyes were sparkling with amusement. "I'm deeply wounded, emotionally scarred. I'll never be able to pick up a controller again."

You chuckled and poked him in the side.

"Oh, come on. You're being ridiculous."

He flinched and let out a dramatic gasp.

"Ridiculous? You dare to call my pain ridiculous?"

He grabbed a pillow from beside him and playfully smacked you with it.

Felix grabbed a nearby pillow and swung it playfully in your direction. You laughed and grabbed another pillow, retaliating with a smack of your own. This triggered a friendly pillow fight between the two of you.

The room filled with laughter and playful banter as you both swung pillows at each other. But eventually, Felix found an opening and lunged at you, pinning you to the bed.

"Got you," he said, a mischievous smirk on his face.

You were pinned beneath him, both of you panting from the exertion of the pillow fight. Your chests rose and fell in sync, and you could feel the heat radiating from his body.

Felix looked down at you, his expression growing more serious. He pushed a strand of hair away from your face, his fingers lingering on your cheek for a moment.

"You know, you really did impress me back there," he admitted, his voice softer now.

You smiled up at him, enjoying the feel of his touch on your skin.

"Yeah? I guess I just have a natural talent for gaming."

Felix chuckled and leaned down closer, his face mere inches from yours.

"I guess you do."

He paused for a moment, studying your face with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat.

Then, without warning, he leaned in and kissed you. It was a passionate kiss that sent sparks flying through your body. His lips moved against yours with a mixture of sweetness and desperation, and you found yourself responding with equal fervor.

You reached up and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer. Your fingers tangled in his hair, your bodies pressed tightly together.

After a few more moments of intense kissing, Felix finally pulled back, breaking the kiss and leaving you slightly breathless. You looked up at him, your heart still racing and your mind still spinning from the passion of the moment.

Felix smirked at your stunned expression, a look of playful satisfaction on his face. “You’re not bragging now, huh?” he teased.

He then grabbed the controller and resumed playing his game, acting as if the passionate kiss had never happened. You lay there on the bed, still trying to catch your breath and process what had just happened.

RAHHH THIS FEELS RUSHED 😡😡

THANKS FOR THE REQUEST ❤️❤️

[dazed--xx]

Breathless 2 (Alt. Ending)

Member: Hyunjin x reader  

Word count: 14.1K

IDOL CAMEOS: Karina-Aespa, Yeji-Itzy, Lia-Itzy, Jinhwan-Monsta X.

Trigger warnings: toxic relationships, ANGST, happy ending, mentions of smut no smut actually featured, fake texts, mentions of drinking/getting black out drunk, mentions of cheating, mentions of marijuana use, crying, arguments, mentions of anxiety. anything else i could have forgotten.

A/N: So this the alternative ending. So many people asked for a happy ending and my original plan was not to have one but i did make this alt ending for all my fluffy happy ending lovers most of the two stories are the same until the final confrontation. Im still willing to write drabbles for these characters and everything so thank you for enjoying.

Part 1    Original Ending

You were grateful for Felix having come into your life. Ever since your break up with Hyunjin, two months ago, He’s been your rock through it. From taking you out anytime you felt you needed to get away, to cuddling with you and watching a movie, and some days like, today, when Hyunjin does reach out to try to talk Felix is the one to usually urge you to at least get closure. You immediately found yourself wandering aimlessly until Felix picked you up and brought you to the beach. But you being sad didn’t mean you didn’t get out of the ‘closure’ lecture.

“You know....”  

Felix trails “You’re going to have to talk to him eventually you deserve an explanation......and closure” you sigh in response, adjusting yourself against the uncomfortable pebbles beneath you. Your eyes trail over the setting sun dancing across the water, waves crashing against the rocks on the shoreline. “I can get an explanation from Ye-na before I get the slightest truth from Hyunjin” Felix flinches at the way you say Hyunjin’s name. He stands in his place almost dumbfounded. “Listen helmet, like honestly, I would 100% agree that what he did was wrong but he looked genuinely heartbroken when you ended things. You should at least hear him out if not for him then for yourself. Wouldn’t you want to know why he cheated?” you shake your head in response. “Why would I ever want to know why?” You growl. “So, you don’t feel like it's your fault, which is what I know you feel.” you force your eyes away from the water “and how could you possibly know that?” you counter. He shrugs in response running his hand through his hair before placing extending out to you “the face you made just told me, but let's get out of here please you know what kind of people hang out around these parts at night” you chuckle in response as you grab his hand “I literally met you right over there” you pointed toward the pier “So they're your kind of people Yongbokie~” you tease.  

His face is flat “Dude they're STILL looking for me”  

It was your turn to shrug “And? Why'd you piss them off” his mouth hangs open “I didn’t purposely piss them off I just.......slept with the leader's sister......” “And?” you urge him to continue “And he walked in okay!” he responds. You couldn’t contain your laughter, “Wait! He saw little yongbokie!” you struggled to regain composure as you approach Felix’s bike. “1! How was I supposed to know he would walk in she said she was going to be home alone for hours she miscalculated. And 2! Don’t name my dick especially a title that implies its little. When it very much isn’t” you roll your eyes at him. “Suuuuurrrrrreeeee” his face forms a scowl. “What? You want to see? Don’t think you’d be able to handle it” he urges, his hand wrapping around your hair forcing your head back pressing your back against his chest. You squeak in responds your face turning toward him “Don't threaten me with a good time” you tease facing him brushing your noses together before running your hand down his torso making your way toward his waistline before his hand grips at your wrist “FINE! Fine! You won this time okay” he jumps. You chuckle in response “Lixie, you act like I don’t win every time you try to play this game with me”  

“You only win because I let you. I have no problems with being a rebound honestly and if I wanted to win, Helmet, you’d have been in my bed the night after you broke up with Hyunjin” He states. “Hmm I'll keep that in mind then” you shrug as he starts his motorcycle. “You know you're quite annoying, even Karina gets somewhat flustered when I talk to her” he snaps. You giggle “Lix, you’re really attractive and honestly at first you definitely made me really blushy but I was with Hyunjin so it was really easy to kind of shrug it off you know?” you state softly. The wind kissing your cheeks. “But, if I ever felt like you know, ready to move on, you’d probably be the first person I'd sleep with” you finish matter of factly. He nods in response “Shit just let me know, I can definitely make you forget all about Hyunjin” He winks biting his bottom lip before hopping onto his bike.  

“But it's cold so you coming or not?”  

______________________________________________________________

You sighed as you walked toward your dorm’s entrance, you weren't excited for Lia’s questioning on why you had randomly left the dorm, completely disappearing while she showered. You dragged your feet as if they were imbedded in cinderblocks, formulating a plan to make a beeline for your bedroom and locking the door. You regret taking the stairs as you enter the door to your floor, your legs aching. Your eyes not leaving the ground as you continue your path to your bed. Your hands fidgeting with your keys, you let out a loud sigh. Finally lifting your eyes as you come close to your door, your heart sinking as you see your ex sitting in front of it. You consider running back toward the stairs before he could notice you, yet luck was not on your side as his eyes find you and he jumps to his feet.  

You freeze in shock, it’s the first time you’ve seen him since you broke up and he didn’t look too good---well he still looked absolutely gorgeous, but you could see the lack of sleep in his eyes. Ghost trails of tears stained on his face, his hair was disheveled and he was still wearing the same clothes from the night you had broken up. Your throat tightens, you felt your fingers tingling; you’re face heated up rapidly. You hated that, even with the pain he’s caused you, he could still make your heart race. You felt your heart ache at the sight of him in pain. Still, there’s a light in his eyes when he looks at you.  

“Bab--Y/N....” his voice is coarse “C-can we talk.... please?”  

His eyes are pleading as he slowly makes his way toward you. You release a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, looking toward the ground once again shaking your head. “Y-you need to go...” you mumble. Your eyes notice his shoes now in view, you can feel the heat radiating off him due to his closeness. “Please....I-I just want to talk--I don’t know what else to do. You don’t answer my calls or-or texts. I don’t understand what happened--I feel like I can't breathe” he begs, you feel his hands on your arms igniting a fire in your stomach. You jump at the contact your head whipping to look at him as you force his hands off you. “No.” you state coldly. “You need to leave now, Hyunjin” you shove your way past him to your door. Forcing your key in the lock and turning before you turn back to your ex. “You lost your chance to talk to me the moment you fucked anyone else while we were together. Leave before I call security” “I didn’t--I sw-” his pleads are cut off by you slamming the door behind you.  

Hyunjin stood in shock, tears welling in his eyes. He knew it was going to be hard to get you to forgive him but how could he even begin to try to fix things if you wouldn’t even look at him. His heart clenched in his chest. This isn’t happening...... he thinks to himself. The same words that’s been playing in his head since that fateful night. He didn’t know what else to do, he was so lost. He’s never felt pain like this before and he still couldn’t understand why. He knows what you believe but he still doesn’t even understand what Ye-na told you. And when he confronted Ye-na she just laughed at the ‘irony’ as she had stated boldly. He’d spent countless hours these past two months staring at nothing but his phone screen waiting for something---anything in return from you. Losing you was the last thing he could have ever wanted. He knew he should leave; he knew you wanted him to go, but he couldn’t he needed to try. He needed you to talk to him. With a shaky breath he lifted his phone and immediately pressed the call button of your contact. Pressing his back against your door and sliding down.  

“Fuck......” he cried as he ran his hand through his hair. Of course, you’d reject his call. He wanted to scream, to beg for you to talk to him; his mind flashed to the way you flinched at his touch. He wanted to go back, back to when he first got his chance with you. He'd change everything, he’d appreciate everything he had. He needed to hold you again, if he could go back, he would have stayed every time you’d ask. He’d show you he loves you, because he did—he does. He wishes he’d realized it sooner, anything to just have you back. He hates that he confessed his love when he did. He knows what you probably think, but he needed you to know. He thought it would reassure you that he didn’t want anyone else. His phone buzzed in his hand. His heart lit up at your contact.  

He knew it wasn’t much, but it was something. You responded; he didn’t care it was to tell him to leave. He immediately went to respond, only for his message to be interrupted by a call from Jisung. He sighed to himself as he pressed the answer button. “Hell---Dude, you gotta go home” Jisung interrupted. “What are you talking about?” Hyunjin questioned with faux confusion “I am---no! You're not! you wanna know how I know you’re not?! Because I’m at your place! Dude! Come home, okay? If she wants to talk to then she will but you can't camp out in front of her dorm its honestly fucking creepy!” Jisung exclaims. Hyunjin rolls his eyes, biting his lip. “Fine, just-just stay their asshole”  

“Dope, when you get back, you’re taking a fucking shower and cleaning your room bro this is gross and honestly no girl would even look at you let alone talk to you judging by your place.” Jisung whines.  

“So fucking leave then!” He snaps.  

“See I would, but I’m the hot one now and I just need a second to soak it in so get home while you still look like shit” Jisung exclaims excitedly. And for just a moment, Hyunjin considers murdering his best friend. Scoffing, he quickly ends the call before lifting himself off the ground. He gives one last look at your door before he makes his way back to his dorm, leaving his heart in his place.

______________________________________________________________

Your dance class has been.... awkward to say the least. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, you can feel Ye-na's glare and Hyunjin’s love sick longing stare on you. Jisung still follows Karina around like a lost puppy so you have to sometimes deal with the occasional run in with him. Jisung, as Hyunjin’s best friend, is one of the few that truly knew what was going on in your past relationship. Sometimes you thought he knew even more than you about your own relationship with Hyunjin. He remained polite sometimes looking at you with sad eyes when he notices Hyunjin’s pleading gaze. You questioned as to why he sat here with you when his own best friend sat across the room, not paying attention to his dance partner and focusing on you and only you.  

You honestly felt exceptionally confused. Why was Hyunjin acting like this? A question that’s lingered in your mind for days. He had ignored you for the majority of your relationship, only showing interest a select number of times that didn’t involve sex. You were together for a little over a year and if you were to say you didn’t love him it would be a lie. You loved him, you still love him but he obviously didn’t feel the same if he had seeked out another woman. You hated yourself for not hating Ye-na, you don’t know if she knows you overheard her conversation with her friend but honestly, you owed her a huge thank you. For months you couldn’t figure out how Hyunjin had felt about you, and in a few words, you learned that he did not feel the same way. You didn’t blame her; she wasn’t the one that promised you exclusivity so how could you hold a grudge against someone that got played by the same person. He probably made false promises to her as well, so, why the heartbroken pouty expression that wouldn’t leave his features. You feel like you should at least talk to him, but every time you went to respond to him; Ye-na's words rang through your head. Why would he say you guys were nothing serious and then declare his love for you?  

You had practically the exact same conversation with everyone beside Karina, who had suggested you talk to him, after a certain violent act pertaining to a very vital reproductive organ was performed; which you had considered but immediately shot down. You didn’t want to talk to Jisung about it so you had gone to Changbin, who also told you to talk to Hyunjin and nothing more or less. You felt like pulling your hair out and you knew you’d regret it but you decided to talk to Jisung, he’d have the most knowledge about everything and you were honestly still to hurt to face Hyunjin so this was your best bet. You let out a shaky breath before you stood up and looked at Jisung. “Hey can you come with me to something from the vending machine in the music department?” It was no secret that the vending machine in the music department contained the best snacks and drinks, the foreign stuff. But you hoped that he would understand that there was more to you asking other than you craving things.

The confused look on your face told you he didn’t catch it, “Why?” He asked, Karina slapped the back of his head “Ouch! Why’d you do that?” He whined rubbing his injury “Because you’re stupid. Bring her genius! she can't get into the department without a music major” She snapped as she rolled her eyes. His cheeks heat up in embarrassment “Sorry” he apologized as he stood from his place. You felt eyes burning on you and Jisung as you made your way out of the studio. You look at Jisung quizzically as you notice him looking across the room before almost crashing into the door if you didn’t pull him out the door behind you. “Jesus, Han I think you’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached” you tease, raising your eyebrow to him. He chuckles in embarrassment as he fixes his shirt “Sorry, I was—Hyu--I got distracted” He looks away as he stammers.  

“That’s actually why I wanted to go to the music department. You’re Hyunjin’s best friend you probably know way more than me about---Y/N I told you I don’t know if what Ye-na said is true” He cuts you off. You shake your head rapidly “No that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about”  

“Oh” He states in confusion “well then.... what about Hyunjin did you want to talk to me about?”

“Well, as you probably know I still haven’t talked to him about things, BUT the night we broke up. He said something that has me really confused” You explain. “Well....what did he say? I can’t really help you unless I know, you know?” He states softly, you pause for a moment “He told me he loves me.” Jisung’s eyes widen “He finally confessed?! And He didn’t even tell me?! I’m supposed to be his best friend, his ride or die, and he doesn’t even tell me that” he exclaims in betrayal. You snap in his face while he continues his rant “Hanji, Focus. So, you do at least know how he feels then” Jisung shakes his head at you “Oh no no no little lady, Karina warned me this talk was coming. It's not my place to tell you how Hyunjin feels about you. You need to talk to him if you want answers” You scoff “Karina told you to say that?”  

“No! I’m saying it!” Jisung exclaims “Honestly Y/N, I’m his best friend he’s not doing okay in all of this and He wants to tell you how he feels and what you mean to him. And as his best friend and knowing how he feels I know he needs to be the one to tell you. You think you’re the only one hurt right now but you’re not. My best friend is going through his first ever break up, and he’s heartbroken. And I’m not making excuses for him, you had a good reason to break up with him he promised you loyalty and he didn’t keep that promise I guess but let’s be real here you know the kind of guys we are. Were you really surprised? You probably thought this would have happened anyway because let's be honest here me and Hyunjin aren’t built for relationships. I don’t know if he’s ever cheated on you like for real but I do know that I wouldn’t be surprised or disappointed if it turns out he did if I were you.”  He states honestly, as his hand grasps your shoulder stopping you. “So, what? I should forgive him if he did?” You question. Jisung shakes his head “No, you shouldn’t honestly just cause I’m that kind of guy doesn’t mean I'd say you should forgive him. If he cheated dump his ass and move on you want loyalty, you’re that kind of girl.”  

“So, I should......?” you prod.  

“Talk to Hyunjin Y/N” Jisung scoffs

______________________________________________________________

Hyunjin didn’t know why he had done it, honestly, he knew why he’d done it but he doesn’t know exactly what could come of him messaging Felix; But he knew one thing for sure, he was running out of options. He was losing his mind thinking of ways to get you to talk to him, He knew Felix would at least have some insight into how you were feeling, judging by your social media, you’ve been with Felix every day since the breakup. Your friendship with Felix had always brought an uncomfortable ache in Hyunjin’s chest. He’d realized you deserved better than himself long before you had met Felix, but it wasn’t until after that Hyunjin realized you deserved someone like Felix. He could see that glint in your eye every time you talked to him and it always made Hyunjin feel like throwing up. That is until you had broken up with him and Felix had messaged him almost immediately that he had brought you home, that you were safe and needed time. Hyunjin had realized, in the short time he’s spent talking to him, that Felix truly cared for you so much so that he’d continuously update Hyunjin on your condition. Hyunjin hated himself for ruining things so much that he couldn’t be with you anymore, but at least he had a way to make sure you were okay, at least he had Felix.  

So, Hyunjin used his last hail Mary and messaged him to see if he would want to get something to eat and talk, only to be eagerly surprised when Felix had agreed. So here Hyunjin sat, in a pizza restaurant that Felix had picked out, his eyes focused on the cream-colored table. His hands holding onto each other while his arms rested on his shaky legs. What would Felix say? Hyunjin wondered. He wanted to ask your dance partner how you were, if you were doing okay, what you were thinking about when it came to your relationship, did you feel like a part of you was missing too. He couldn’t even touch the pizza he had ordered. He felt nauseous waiting for Felix. His breath was shaky when he heard the chair in front of him scoot out. His eyes slowly lift to be greeted by the warmest smile. Hyunjin could see why you went to Felix every day for comfort, from just his friendly smile alone Hyunjin felt himself calming down. “S-so, uh, y-you're probably wondering why I asked you to come here” Hyunjin stammered. “Well, technically I picked this place but sure I guess, I figured you probably wanted to talk about Y/N you know?” Felix chuckled as he reached for Hyunjin’s soda, “You don’t mind, do you?” Felix questioned, Hyunjin stared at him in shock and shook his head no.  

“No-well—yes, I want to talk about her but it's not just for that reason!” Hyunjin explained nervously “Look, I know how she feels right now and I know I’m the reason for that, but I just want---no I need to explain. I don’t know if she’d forgive me, but I fucking hate that I hurt her and I just-I need her back. She was the best thing that’s happened to me and I fucked it all up and I don’t know how to fix it and I hate myself for not knowing what to do right now. In the past I would have just said fuck it and moved on and just forgot about her. ----sigh----but I can’t. I can’t just move on; I can’t just act like she never existed. I love her and I need her to know that. I won't fuck this up again if she gave me a chance but she won't talk to me and I feel so fucking lost without her” Hyunjin felt tears well up in his eyes the longer he continued, soon his eyes never left Felix’s face “and you’ve been so nice to me, you don’t know me and you know how badly I've hurt her, and she’s your friend so you should hate me but you came here and-and you let me know that she’s safe. And I know she’s safe when she’s with you. You didn’t have to do any of this but you did and I owe you a lot honestly and I don’t know how to repay you” Felix’s features twist into a cognitive look.  

“Well, the only thing I want, and I think Y/N wants, is the truth of if you did cheat on her with Ye-na” Felix responds stoically

“she’s the only person I'll answer that question to” Hyunjin groans rubbing his temples “If she’d ever talk to me”  

“You ever try just explaining”  

“What do you mean?”  

“I mean, genius, you ever try just texting her your explanation and just hope she reads it?” Felix suggests. Hyunjin sat there with a dumbfounded look on his face “You’re a fucking idiot” Felix groans as Hyunjin shakes his head. Why had he never thought of that? “Instead of wasting your time begging her to talk to you and let you explain. You should just explain. If she responds, she responds, if she doesn’t then, well, at least you explained yourself.”  

______________________________________________________________

You don’t know what you were thinking when you decided clubbing with Karina, especially for the first time, was a terrible idea. The dress Karina put you in was WAY too form fitting and very short. The music was exceptionally loud, vibrating the room with its pulsing beat and the guys were......eh, from trashy pick-up lines, to just grinding against you while you danced. At this moment, you longed for the days where Jisung would flirt with you, at least there was.... well, finesse, if you had to choose a word for it. If you had to give anything to your ex and his friends they definitely knew how to flirt and get a girl to go home with them, and not due to just their devilishly handsome faces, they had an aura around them that spewed confidence and experience. But instead, here you stood, with a handsome guy yet you felt bored. You find yourself comparing him to Hyunjin a lot. He talks about himself a lot, Hyunjin didn’t do that at least he’d seem interested in you when you guys were together; this guy didn’t. You think his name was Ji-Han or Jin-Hwan or something. When he brushes a stray hair out of your face you notice the couple ring on his finger, you pull your head away from his touch when you feel an arm snake around your waist pulling you back toward their figure. “I’d appreciate it if you didn’t touch my girlfriend” a familiar deep voice stated from behind you. The guy stood in shock, before Felix pulled you farther down the bar.  You stare at him eyes widen; you bite your lip in embarrassment when you see the scowl on his face.  

You think Felix, may be your guardian angel, you immediately wrap your arms around his neck; thanking him profusely. You felt him shake his head before wrapping his arms around your waist lifting you slightly. “You’re lucky you’re cute” He groans before he lets you go and ruffles your hair. “Why you so mad? Wait! Why are you here? Not that I don’t completely adore you but weren’t you with someone?” you question, his cheeks heat up with a pinkish glow before he shrugs. You gasp “Did you get rejected?”  

“No!” He snaps, his scowl returning.  

“Yongbokie~ say it isn’t so... you got rejected?” You tease.  

His arms quickly wrap around your waist and presses your back against the bar. He brushes his lips against your cheek, you feel your face heat up when he places a soft peck on your cheek. “Do you think I’m the type to get rejected?” He nudges. His face makes its way toward your neck, his lips brushing over it gently. You feel yourself growing wetter by the minute. “Uh-I-I-Aww, Helmet cat got your tongue?” Felix cuts you off as he pulls back. Your eyes form a glare before you shove him back “You’re annoying” you groan. He smiles widely, his eyes forming crescents as he scrunches his nose. “You finally reacted though” He states proudly. Rolling your eyes “Yeah sure” you argue. “You did though...” He whines.  

“Sure, Lix whatever you say” You deny behind red flushed cheeks.  

“Deny it all you want but you want me, Helmet. I know I’m probably your ideal type but you have to control yourself Y/Nie. I’m supposed to be your best friend” He teases. You shake your head at his antics. “You can't kiss me, okay?” he continues. You fake a gag, before shoving him back, and allow your eyes to drift around the room. Though it was just more of Felix’s harmless playful flirting, it still felt wrong to have him so close to you. You knew it was stupid but your heart still longed for Hyunjin. It’s not that you didn’t enjoy Felix touching you, you just wished it was someone else. You hate that you longed for his touch, his lips, his everything. You knew what you had heard from Ye-na but you didn’t know if it was even true. The night you had broken up he said it wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t lie to try to get you to stay. You wish you weren’t so.... fragile. The Ye-na situation had derailed you off track and you’re having a damn hard time getting back on it again. Felix was a great guy, he seemed like the type to be loyal if he was to be in a relationship. Sure, he was flirty while single but you also know that before returning to Seoul; he was in a long-term relationship that didn’t end well. So, who could blame him for enjoying the single life. “Can we find Karina?” You plead.  

He nods taking a hold of your hand before leading you through the crowd. “I saw her by the booths before I got you” Felix states. You grasp his hand tightly as you make your way through the horde of sweaty bodies, making sure to avoid any spilling drinks. You couldn’t understand how this could be fun to anyone. You could barely hear anything, there was a cluster fuck of people, and the guys are creeps. You would appreciate the experience but this will not be repeated. You’re pulled out of your thoughts as you collide with Felix’s back. You notice him bent over, laughter spilling from his mouth as he slaps his knee. “Oh, this is too funny!” He cackles as he pulls out his phone and takes repeated pictures. Your eyes follow his line of vision only to be met with Karina placed on someone’s lap, their lips interlocked, her hand pulling his hair. You gasp in shock as they pull away. Your hand smacks over your mouth, “Jisung!” you exclaim as you dash toward the pair “Oh my god! Felix is going to have so much fun with this I’m telling you”  

“Fun!? Dude, its already in the group chat. Yeji and Lia are dying” Felix exclaims between fits of laughter. Karina rolls her eyes “What? The guys are absolutely lame here and at least with Captain Thinks with his dick over here the corny flirting comes with a good reputation in bed.” She shrugs as she lifts herself off Jisung’s lap before leaning over and pressing her lips against Jisung’s once more “I’m going to the bathroom” she waves as she makes her way through the crowd. You take a seat next to Jisung. “So... when did, uh, this happen?” you question. “Honestly, I think like 15 minutes ago. She texted me said she was bored. I asked where she was. She told me. I came and uh next thing you know—Ehm- yeah" Jisung stammered behind blushed cheeks. “Oh, so you came.... alone?” Jisung nods. “that’s brave of you, it's pretty boring now I don’t know how you’d have a good time here” you whine. Jisung chuckles “Cause you’re supposed to be buzzed, doll”  

“I’ve had like 2 drinks” you argue.  

“What? Some fruity mixed drink that’s probably watered down?”  

“So, then what should I drink?”  

A mischievous smile forms on Jisung’s lips “Shots!”

______________________________________________________________

Note to self: Never go clubbing with Jisung again.  

You were drunk.

So, fucking drunk.  

He was right though; you were definitely having fun in the beginning. He lived up to his party reputation and you had the most fun you’ve had in a while. After the first shot, you felt warm as the liquid burned your throat. The second you took in quick succession as per Jisung’s advice. Your fingers felt tingly and the burning sensation wasn’t so bad. The third shot came after about 10 minutes, when the room stopped rocking. You had to give it up to Jisung, he definitely tried to make you pace yourself. But shots four, five, and six came and went while Karina decided she wanted to continue more of what they had started previously and Felix had found a friend for the night.  

You regret not taking his advice as the room began spinning. You stagger your way out the door after sending a quick text to Karina and Felix explaining you were going home and getting an uber. If was cold outside you didn’t know, your body felt so hot. Your hair was way too long as it tickled your lower back. But in your drunken state of mind, you stare at your home screen you have yet to change and you find yourself dialing Hyunjin’s number. “Hell---Hello?!” His voice answers timidly. “Hyunnie~” you slur. “Babe, are you okay?” He inquires. You shake your head “No...Jisung helped me get drunk”  

“He fucking what?!” Hyunjin growls. “Well, he told me to-to go slow but I didn’t it was so much fun Hyunnie. But I miss you so it wasn’t fun” You whine. “I miss you too baby” he confesses “So fucking much” his voice cracks. “I have to go home” you slur, pressing your back against the wall. “Where are you? How are you getting home?” There was concerned laced in his tone. “I don’t know” you shrug to yourself. “You don’t know where you are? Or you don’t know how you’re getting home?” He questions worriedly. “No, I’m at octagon club. I told Karina and Felix I'd get an uber but—sigh--I want to walk but the world is spinning.”  

“You’re not walking home” He declares. “I’ll be there in 5”  

______________________________________________________________

Hyunjin was going to kill Han Jisung. He was as good as dead, not only had you gotten completely fucking blasted by what Hyunjin could tell. But his dear best friend has yet to be heard from. Hyunjin raged the whole way to the club, running almost every stop sign he came across. Hyunjin wanted to strangle Jisung a fuck ton more when he saw you sat on the ground, your head in your hands as you continued to struggle remain upright. Hyunjin barely came to a stop before he was putting the car in park and rushing toward you with a call of your name. His heart stopped in his chest as your head whipped up and you greeted him with the most beautiful smile.  

“Hyunnie~!” you called as you reached out to him struggling to lift yourself off the ground. He quickly rushed to your side; taking a hold of your hand before wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you into his frame. He was taken aback when he felt your arms snake around his neck, you press your chest against his. He can’t help himself but to tighten his grip on you. He felt everything stop. Fuck everything about you was absolutely perfect. He buries his face in your neck, he sighs. “Wow! Your hairs black!” you exclaim surprise in your tone.He can only nod in response. He knows it's wrong, you were drunk and you 100% did not want to see him let alone have him touch you but, you were so fucking adorable and he missed this so fucking much that he needed to hold onto it for as long as he could. Fuck Jisung, fuck this club, and Hyunjin won't begin to think about all the guys that probably thought they had a chance with you in this dress cause holy fuck! For this moment, things were back to the way they were before. He hated that he had to end it, but you needed to get home and out of the cold. You were probably so drunk you didn’t notice how freezing it was.  

His fingers brushed your hair away from your face, placing his hands over your cheeks. “It's so cold out baby let me take you home, hmm?” He urged. You nod in response. Your fingers played with his as he walked you to his car. You whined as he removed his hand from yours “I have to open the door, princess” he whispers as he softly strokes your cheek before helping you into the passenger seat and buckling you up; while turning to close the door, he feels your hand wrap around his forearm. “Where are you going?” you query, worry filling your eyes. A sad smile forms on his lips, he caresses your cheek eyes finding yours. “I have to drive, silly girl” he explains softly. Your eyes stay connected for what feels like forever. He wants to remember your face right now forever. Your eyes telling of your love for him, the light pink blush gracing your cheeks. You were absolutely beautiful.

Hyunjin contemplates just closing the door and just going into the driver's seat as he feels the familiar feeling of your soft, velvet lips. He holds back a moan at the unexpected kiss, but responds almost instantly. Hyunjin missed this too, the feeling of your lips on his. Your mouths move in sync. Your tongue pokes out from your lips making its way into Hyunjin’s mouth and moan as your tongues connect. A sound that sends a shock straight down and suddenly his pants felt exceptionally tight. He was lost in the feeling, so much so that he almost forgot, you wouldn’t want this if you were sober; but as your fingers gripped his hair and he heard the familiar whines he knew this is where the line needed to be drawn. The last thing Hyunjin wanted to do was take advantage of your drunken state. And as much as he truly did miss how amazing the sex was, he knew that you’d never talk to him again if he continued; so, reluctantly, He pulls away and makes his way over to drivers' side and gets in.

The ride to your dorm was awkward to say the least. He had so much he wanted to say, apologies sit on the tip of his tongue. At this moment, Felix’s words rang through his head. Hyunjin felt as if he should just explain. You were sitting right there; sure, you were drunk and your reaction probably wouldn’t be the best right now but at least he’d get the chance to explain. He could feel your eyes burning into him and he wasn’t sure if you could tell but Hyunjin’s heart was racing. He practically jumped when he felt your hand snake onto his thigh making its way toward his member. Reacting quickly his hand wraps around your wrist “Whoa! What are you doing?” He exclaims. Did Hyunjin want you to practically beg for him again? Of course. But you were drunk and he was probably the last person you’d want to sleep with when sober. He loved you too much to let you do something you’d probably regret. “I miss you...” You pout. His resolve almost melts when he sees the puppy dog look in your eyes.  

“I miss you too baby but you don’t want to do this right now....” He whispers. He thanks God as he pulls into your dorm parking lot. “You’re home” he states softly as he takes your hand into his. You stare at your dorm before your eyes drift back to him. He notices the tears in your eyes, your hands are shaky. “What’s wrong?” He inquires. “I don’t want to go...I’m so fucking hurt-you hurt me so bad.” You cried “But I don’t want to go” Your eyes connected; He felt his heart break all over again “You don’t understand how fucking sorry I am. I love you I swear I love you so fucking much, I never meant to hurt you baby. I’m so fucking sorry” His voice cracks as he holds your hand tightly against his chest. His eyes never leave yours. “But we can’t have this conversation right now, you’re drunk you need sleep. I promise tomorrow, I’ll tell you everything.” He promises. Your eyes flash back to your dorm, before you nod.  

“Tomorrow...”  

______________________________________________________________

You regret getting so drunk last night.

You had a massive migraine and you felt so fucking nauseous. But at least you could still remember most of your night, besides the walk to your dorm. Were you embarrassed? No not really.  

Did you regret it?......you weren’t sure. You had definitely appreciated Hyunjin not accepting your advances. BUT were you feeling up to talking to him today? No, and not cause you were still angry at this point you were more confused; but because you were 100% hungover. So, you instead of immediately texting Hyunjin to set up a time to talk, you took some Tylenol and rushed to the campus café. You quickly regretted running as you collide with the petite figure of someone coming out of the door. “I’m so sorry I should have been paying attention” You apologize reaching toward the girl, freezing in shock as you come face to face with Ye-na She went to snap a response before she mouths an ‘oh’ and taking your hand. With a shaky breath your grasp on her tightens “C-can we talk?” you ask shyly. She nods with a hesitance following you back into the café.  

The vibe was awkward and off as you both sipped your coffee silently, eyes looking everywhere around the room but at each other. “So, what’d you want to talk about?” “So did you know I was in the room that night?” You both question at the same time. You giggle at the timing. “That was impeccable timing” Ye-na chuckles before taking a sip of her coffee before continuing “But to answer your question, honestly, no. I didn’t.” she sighs. You nod in response before taking another sip of your coffee “Woul-would you have still said what you said if you did?”  

She ponders on your question for a moment before she lets out a heavy sigh “If you want the truth?” you nod in response “well then, no I wouldn’t have.” She answers matter of factly. You look at her confused “Why not?”  

“Well, the night you over heard me a few minutes before Hyunjin had kinda lost his shit on me. Again. Told me to leave him alone and to stop calling and texting him because what happened was a mistake and he loved you so he needed me to stop” She confesses. “But you said---oh I know what you heard, but he told me that months ago. Like right around the summer, I’m not gonna lie and say what I did was right too Y/N. And even though, me and Hyunjin had what we had. I never wanted to be the one to tell you that. I’m pretty surprised you haven’t lost your shit on me yet honestly”

You shrug. “You weren’t my boyfriend.”  

“So?” She counters before crossing her arms over her chest “Not to be a bitch or anything but I 100% knew about you; and just didn’t care honestly. See, here’s your problem Y/N cause obviously no one will give it to you straight. I’m not the only girl Hyunjin’s been with while he was with you. His reputation follows him and every single one of us knew what it was. Just like you probably did before you two made things official. I didn’t care he had a girlfriend, I didn’t care about your feelings, and I didn’t care if you gave a shit or not. I wanted a good time and he gave that to me for a bit and eventually I started caring. I hate myself for what I did but still I never wanted you to find out, especially when we were put in the same class. Like let's be real here no one would ever want to admit to the girlfriend of the guy you're hanging out with that you got rejected.”  

Your mouth hangs open at her honesty. You weren’t sure what to say, and while you appreciated her brazenness, you felt your blood boiling. “So is side chick your full-time gig or are you just on call?” you snap. She chuckles, almost to herself before her face falls flat. She crosses her right leg over her left before letting her arm fall into her lap holding up her chin “See, I knew you had some fire in you. Look, you asked I answered what you do with that is beyond me.” Your hangover long forgotten, and a fire in your eyes. “So what? You wanted to just be on the side until you got bored?” she shakes her head “Oh no, I’ll be real here, I saw the way Hyunjin looked at you. I knew at some point he’d realize what a dumbass he was being and it’d eventually stop; but, I was enjoying it while it lasted. He called things off months ago” To say you were now beyond confused would be an understatement, and while her reputation is definitely accurate about her bitchiness, she seemed honest. You heard something you weren’t supposed to, something that set the spark that ignited the flame behind your rage that night.  

“So, is that all?...or can I go?”

______________________________________________________________

Yeji and Lia were quite the pair.  

Apart from you and Karina, they were absolutely hilarious when they got together, they always seemed to make you laugh; and with Karina completely in the wind and flaking on your group's traditional hangover chill day-the first one in your honor by the way-you were left partner less until Yeji came over with Felix in tow. You and Lia couldn’t contain your laughter as Yeji dragged Felix into your living room with Karina’s matching bright lilac hairband across his head. “Oh, no fair why am I purple? Lia’s green?” Felix whines as he stomps his foot in place. “What’s wrong with purple?” Lia questions “and this is aquamarine” she declares with a point to her headband. “Purples for girls switch with me” He cries. “No!” Lia proclaims.

“Pleeeeeeaaaaaaassssssseeeee”

“Hmmmmmm......No”

“Pwease”

“How bout no”  

“Pl--Holy Fuck! Felix if you say please again my head will explode. Switch with me” You growl, pulling your headband off and holding it out toward him. “Ooo Pink!” He exclaims excitedly. Yeji giggles as she finishes setting up her portable projector. “Felix?” she calls. His eyes are bright as he smiles in her direction “Yeah?” “You’re adorable” She smiles as she makes her way over to your couch ruffling his hair as she takes a seat next to him. He forms his hands in the shape of a heart before separating them and placing each half of the heart on his cheeks.  “Ahhh! Felix-oppa! I love you!  you’re the best idol in the world” You tease. Lia grips your hands as she joins in on your teasing. “Felix-oppa! Give us a song oppa!” you laugh as you and Lia jump in circles. “Ha.Ha.Ha. You’re both top tier comedians” Felix groans. “Lix, what do you mean? You literally rejected that scout from JYP” You ask whispering the JYP as you release yourself from Lia and make your way over to the couch. “I mean I don’t think being an idol would be for me”  

“Oh, come on Lix it was a joke” Lia whines “Yeah besides you could definitely be an idol. You’re an amazing dancer, you got the image for it” You mention. “And personality” Yeji adds. “Yeah! You have an awesome personality for an idol too, your fans would probably call you something adorable like sunshine or something cause of your personality” Felix blushes, bringing his hands to his face hiding. “Stop~!” He whines in embarrassment. You roll your eyes “Fine....so what are we doing first Yeji.” a mischievous smile forms on her lips “Well......” she giggles before she pulls out 4 mics from her bag.  

“OH, COME ON!” Felix shouts

______________________________________________________________

“Baby, Nal teojil geotcheoreom anajwo, Geuman saenggakae mwoga geuri eoryeowo Geojinmalcheoreom kiss-haejwo naega neoege, Majimak sarangin geotcheoreom Majimakcheoreom (Yeah) ma-ma-majimakcheoreom (Yeah) Majimak bamin geotcheoreom love Majimakcheoreom (Yeah) ma-ma-majimakcheoreom (Yeah) Naeil ttawin eomneun geotcheoreom love” You guys sang. You laughed internally as you and Felix also did the choreography and ended up facing each other in Lisa’s part of the choreography. You smile in victory as the words WINNER flash across yours and Felix’s screen.  

“What’s the next song?” Felix giggles to Yeji. She shrugs “I don’t know it's your turn to choose Lixie” she states as she hands him her phone so he can go through the catalog. You take a seat on the couch with a heavy breath as Lia takes a seat next to you. “I don’t know how that boy has so much energy after last night” you groan. Lia gives a small giggle “He’s not human that’s why” she suggests. You ponder her statement for a moment “True” you both chuckle to yourselves. “But I actually just wanted to see how you were doing you know? You still haven’t really told me how your talk with Ye-na went. Or if you are actually going to meet with Hyunjin later”  

You sigh at her words “Well, I’m okay honestly. And my talk with Ye-na went.......fine.”  

“What do you mean?”  

“I mean she lives up to her reputation of being a grade A bitch.” You explain “But at least I got what I think is the truth from her” Lia stares at you dumbfounded. “And what about Hyunjin?” You shrug “What about him? Honestly, I was going to talk to him tonight which honestly, I’m not particularly ready to see him, especially after what I did last night....”  

“Girl what did you do last night?!”  

“Nothing crazy, just tried to get Hyunjin to sleep with me” You groan in embarrassment. “YOU SLEPT WITH HIM?” Lia exclaims. Yeji’s and Felix’s eyes flash to you “Slept with who?” Yeji questions. You shake your head rapidly “No one. Nothing” you give Lia a glare, she sinks in her seat with her hand placed over her mouth. “Y/N who’d you sleep with?” Yeji urged. “No one honestly I just TRIED to sleep with someone and thank god they weren’t an asshole and knew I was drunk” You explain your glare not leaving Lia’s face. She mouthed a sorry before Twice’s Dance the Night Away played through your speakers. Felix jumped as he quickly paused the song “Sorry.” You, Lia, and Yeji laughed at the sudden interruption.  

“Felix you’re so cute”  

______________________________________________________________

Hyunjin couldn’t help but be on edge all day.  

You hadn’t texted or called and its almost 5, he felt himself slowly falling into insanity. His leg shaking rapidly as he checked his phone for what felt like the hundredth time today. Why hadn’t you texted? Hyunjin felt his heart racing as Changbin and Seungmin, Hyunjin’s dorm mate, shouted as they played their game. Hyunjin was nervous at how things would go, and while he knew the chances of you forgiving him were slim, he hoped you would give him another chance. He knew how badly he continuously fucked up before but he’d be different. He hopes you can remember how things had changed before you had left him, that you can see he does love you and he’d never do anything else to ruin it.  

He watched as the clock went up a minute. Then another, then another before his screen timed out. “Why don’t you just call her?” Changbin suggested pulling Hyunjin out of his thoughts. “Huh?” He called in confusion. Changbin and Seungmin look at each other before laughing. “Call her” The older male suggests. “I have remember? She doesn’t answer” He responds sarcasm dripping off his words. “Wasn’t that before she agreed to talk to you today though?” Seungmin asks. Hyunjin nods slowly “I don’t want to harass her though, what if she changed her mind?”  

“Then she’s a bitch for not letting you know” Seungmin snaps.

“Hey! Don’t talk about her like you know her” He warns.  

Seungmin rolls his eyes, before focusing back on the game. “I’m just saying she got your hopes up for nothing if she changed her mind, the least she could do is at least let you know that you two won't be talking today and she needs more time”  

“You act like she owes him anything honestly” Changbin mumbles, but Hyunjin heard it. He knew his friend was mad at how things played out, Changbin was big on loyalty and honesty. Even though, Hyunjin was one of his best friends it didn’t mean Changbin would hide his anger at Hyunjin’s treatment of you during the beginning of your relationship. The night you ended things whilst Jisung comforted him, Changbin tried to contain his laughter. His ‘I told you so’s’ became a daily routine for Hyunjin. Hyunjin couldn’t blame him though, Changbin had warned him to stop messing with you and take things seriously. Hyunjin could only wish he could go back and listen to him. If he did, he wouldn’t be in the situation he’s in now. You’d still be his. He’d still be able to call you if he just wanted to hear your voice. He wishes he could go back and kick his past self’s ass. Scream at him how fucking terrible it is without you. Changbin was right, you didn’t owe him anything, so Hyunjin sat quiet staring at your contact hoping something---anything would come through from it.  

Hyunjin’s gaze was pulled away by Changbin snatching his phone. Panic filled his chest “Wait! What are you doing?” he called as he went to grab his phone back. Seungmin jumps from his place on the couch standing between him and Changbin. “I’m calling Y/N” Changbin confesses as he presses the phone to his ear. “NO! No” He cries “Please dude I’m not kidding----Hello? Y/N? Yeah, its Changbin” Hyunjin’s eyes widen as he can hear your voice through the phone “Hang up! I’m not kidding Hang up” He pleaded tears practically blinding him as he struggled against Seungmin hold. “Oh yeah Hyunjin is right here, yeah I mean it’s a little weird I guess but I don’t have your number so...” Changbin winked at him, Hyunjin felt as if he would combust. “Oh, I mean he’s kinda tied up right now but I could definitely get him to meet you there.” Hyunjin froze in his place as Changbin continued “Yeah I think he’ll be there before that but yeah that works” “What’s she saying?” He whispers, Changbin holds his finger up. “Okay, but you should definitely text me Y/Nie~ who else is going to help me with.......you know what” The male whined.  

“Help you with what?” Hyunjin whispered.

Changbin shushed him “Well it was nice talking to you I’ll see you later bye Y/Nie~” Hyunjin stared at Changbin dumbfounded as he hung up the phone and handed it to him. “You guys got chips?” Changbin questioned casually. Hyunjin’s lips parted as he stood there with his phone in his hand, staring at Changbin. “Well....” He urged. Changbin looked at him confused.  

“Well, what?”  

“What did she say?”  

“She wants to talk to you” Changbin shrugged.  

Hyunjin’s eyes widen “And you were going to what? Just not tell me?!” He quickly started looking for his keys and wallet. Grabbing a bucket hat and hoodie in the process. The muscular male chuckled to himself as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I was, when it was a few minutes before she said cause, I knew If I said anything you’d race out the door like you’re trying to do now besides you don’t even know where she wants you to meet her” Hyunjin stops in his tracks, “Where?” Changbin shrugs, Hyunjin pouts and stomps his foot “Tell meeeeee” he whines. And while Hyunjin knows he sounds pathetic; he’s not going to waste any more time. If there was a way to fix things then he was going to do it. But with his friend knowing him way too well and you saying a specific time Hyunjin knew he would have to wait. With that in mind, he stomped his way over to the couch. A pout on his lips, he crossed his arms over his chest and stared daggers at Changbin. Hyunjin wasn’t sure how much time went by as Changbin played on his phone ignoring Hyunjin’s death glare.  

“Her apartment, 5 minutes” He states with a smug smirk on his lips and a wink.  

“5 MINUTES!?” Hyunjin cries as he jumps from the couch and rushes toward the door.

“YOU ACT LIKE YOU WONT BE THERE IN TWO!!” He hears Changbin call as he sprints out the door.

______________________________________________________________

You paced back and forth as the clock got closer and closer to 6.  

Your heart was performing a full drum solo in your chest, your palms were sweaty and you felt like you were underwater. While you found it odd that Changbin had called you from Hyunjin’s phone you were grateful for him being the one to actually let Hyunjin know when to come talk. You had put it off for most of the day and after your conversation with Ye-na you were still utterly confused on what the entire truth was. You were happy Lia was willing to hang out at Yeji’s place while you and Hyunjin talked. You were also exceptionally grateful for Karina for having dropped off a bottle of vodka and encouraged you to do a shot; cause while you did feel anxious, at least you still felt brave enough to have this conversation. You weren’t sure what Hyunjin would say and you didn’t know what your relationship would be after tonight. There were two things you were sure about 1. Your relationship with Hyunjin was toxic and things would have to change drastically if you were to take him back. And 2. you still loved him despite the way he had treated you; you still loved him. You poured another shot, along with drinking you’ve picked up another bad habit since your break up with Hyunjin, smoking. And no, not something disgusting like cigarettes but you do find yourself lighting up a blunt and taking a couple of drags here and there.  

You enjoyed the calming feeling that came from marijuana. With your anxiety through the roof and having had a panic attack in front of him, Yeonjun from your dance class hooked you up with his guy. For the first day or two, you only smoked with Yeonjun in his dorm. But when Felix began questioning the nature of your friendship with Choi Yeonjun, knowing his bad boy reputation, you began to slowly distance yourself from Yeonjun. Felix found out shortly after about your little habit but promised not to say anything to anyone else. You found yourself surprised when your new smoking buddy became Felix. Only smoking when you felt huge bouts of anxiety coming on and you needed to calm down. Your pulled away from your thoughts as a series of rapid knocks came to your door. You jumped in a panic quickly putting the blunt out on your tongue before stashing it away under a magazine on the coffee table. “Shit” You groaned as you tried to fan the smoke away. You rush to the door almost tripping over your shoes before you pull the door open with a sigh. You stare down your ex as your chest heaves, you notice him leaning against the door frame struggling to catch his breath “You, okay? You look like you ran a marathon” Hyunjin struggled to get out in-between gasps.  

“You’re one to talk” You counter gesturing to him. You notice suspicion in his eyes “What’s that smell?” your heart sinks in your chest. “What? Oh, yeah Felix got me into those incense things recently” you lie “trust me babe I’ve been to plenty of parties to know what weed smells like so try that again” Hyunjin calls your bluff. You swallow nothing, you find yourself growing irritated at the smug smirk on his lips. When you were together you would have immediately cracked and probably told him everything, but now, oh now you wanted to whip that smirk off his face “Are you going to keep interrogating me? Or are we going to talk about what we actually need to talk about?” You snap. “And don’t act like you have a right to ask me anything personal right now” His whole confident demeanor is washed away by your words; you notice the panic in his eyes as he stands straight; the smirk no longer on his lips instead there sat a small pout. “Fine...can I come in or is that question too personal too?”  You roll your eyes before stepping to the side and allowing him entry.  

“Soo, where is it then huh?” He asks casually.  

“Where’s what?”  

He chuckles at your question “Nothing” his eyes drift around the room. You and Lia hadn’t changed much in the time since he’s last been here, beside the smell of marijuana, it was pretty much the same. He notices the one magazine out of place and glances in your direction. “What? What are you looking for?” You question, irritation leaks into your tone. “Your weed” He shrugs. You two stand across the room for what felt like hours, just staring at each other. Your eyes in a battle with one another, eventually you realize he’s not going to let this go and you wanted answers so with a heavy heart you roll your eyes before making your way over to the coffee table and toss the magazine to the side. “There. Happy?” You groan frustrated before falling back onto your couch. “Ecstatic” He replies sarcastically. “Like come on Y/N you really thought I'd be okay with you doing that?”  

“You don’t do weed, Hyunjin”  

“That’s not my fucking point Y/N and you know it! Why are you smoking in the first place?”  

You couldn’t help but laugh “If you gave any of a shit during our relationship, you’d know I have an anxiety disorder.” You lean forward grabbing the vodka bottle and pour yourself a shot. “I did give a shit.” “What? When I broke up with you? I mean come on” You toss the shot back swallowing it whole “You didn’t give a shit not for a long time” Hyunjin stood in place dumbfounded. This is not how this conversation was supposed to go, but right now at least it was something, and even though he was raging at the idea of you being high right now he had to give it you; you were right, he didn’t know you had an anxiety disorder. Why didn’t he know that? “Look I know I fucked up, but I care about you and I know what can happen if you’re high and just not paying attention”  

“I smoke when I’m home or with.... someone I’m not stupid.”  

“Someone? Who Felix?”  

“No....just...someone”  

“Well, someone is going to get their ass kicked so Y/N needs to let me know who”  

“Why?”  

Hyunjin’s jaw was clenched, you’ve never been this difficult and it was hard for him not to let his jealousy show. He needed to know who the fuck got you to smoke and he needed to teach them to stay in their place. “Fuck Y/N! Just tell me!” He growls, his fists clenched. “No! I don’t have to tell you shit! You're going to ruin my connect. Why don’t you go question Ye-na or any of the other sluts you cheated on me with?” Hyunjin had nothing to say to that. He stared at you with hurt in his eyes “It wasn’t like that” he mumbled “So what was it like then?” He wasn’t sure how to answer that question. While he was willing to answer any questions you had he himself wasn’t sure what it was like honestly. “I don’t know.... just not this fucking picture you have in your mind about things” He grumbled. “You don’t know what I'm thinking right now” You retort. “You’re right. I don’t know what the fuck you’re thinking right now! You've been naïve but you’ve never been fucking stupid” He argued. “So, I’m stupid now?!” You cross your arms over your chest “When you’re smoking weed and getting black out drunk? yes!”  

“I wasn’t black out dr----You called me! Just fucking stop Y/N. You’re doing stupid shit and you’re going to get yourself hurt. Bad.” He cut you off. He didn’t understand why you were being this way and whilst he was supposed to be explaining the Ye-na situation, he couldn’t help but be angry at your recklessness. “You’d know all about that right?” you snap. “YOU ACT LIKE I MEANT TO HURT YOU” He shouted. You reach for the bottle again but Hyunjin’s quicker and snatches it from your grasp. “You’ve drank enough for the past two days don’t you think?” He growls as he places the bottle down on your shelf.  You stare daggers at him in response. A smirk on your face as you reach for your blunt and put it to your lips “Fucking stop! Y/N”  

“Oh please! Look at you, you’re acting all high and mighty. Your hypocrisy is showing Hyunjin” you challenge as you light the blunt. Your eyes not leaving his. “I haven’t smoked for a while Y/N. I haven’t done anything I used to do for a while” he confesses, realizing there were more important things to talk about. He hopes you catch the double meaning behind his words. You sat quietly taking in a long drag before releasing the smoke. “Is that supposed to impress me or something? I don’t think you realize how much this whole thing fucked me up---How you fucked me up, Hyunjin!” you exclaim, quickly getting to your feet. “Fuck please just-just tell me what to do then?! I don’t know what you fucking want! I’m trying and the more I try the more you pull away! You think this shit is easy for me? It’s not! You ripped my fucking heart out too you know? Instead of just talking to me or even letting me say fucking anything you ended things and that’s only because I found you that night!” He growls crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes are filled with fire. “Oh boo-fucking-Hoo your girlfriend found out you cheated and dumped you how fucking sad” you retort “Do you need a hug?” you couldn’t contain your sarcasm. You were beyond livid. How dare he sit there and act like he was an innocent bystander.  

“Can you be fucking serious for one minute? fucking Christ.”  

“Can you be honest for one minute?”  

“What?! You wanna know if I cheated on you?!” He argues, you stare at him with fury behind your eyes “no I kno---Yeah! I fucked Ye-na…..months ago! When I didn’t give a fuck about you or this relationship!” He cuts you off, you notice the anger dissipating from him being replaced with guilt and regret. You’re frozen in place and Hyunjin makes his way around the coffee table and places himself in front of you, his hands firmly wrapped around your arms.  “But I haven’t cheated on you in months, I’ve been with no one else in almost a year! I know its fucked up, I know I’m wrong for what I did but I changed.” His voice cracks as your eyes drift around the room, you could feel your anger leaving you as well, whilst he confesses. “What changed then?” you question, your voice is almost inaudible. “You. Well, I wanted to change for you. I’ll tell you everything you want to know but please just at least don’t drink anymore today, okay? I’m not kidding it was really scary to find you like that last night. I know what I did ruined my right to care but I do, I care so fucking much. And I need you to be okay, not amazing, not happy even, but at least okay” His hands find themselves holding your face to make you look at him. Your fingers wrap around his wrist.  

“Hyun, I’m fine....”  

He shakes his head in response “Now who’s the one that won't be honest? You’re not fine and I know I’m part of the reason for that. I should have been better to you, I was confused about how I felt and I-I---sigh----I fucked up, so fucking bad. But once I realized how I felt I tried so hard to fix things and change and just leave that shit behind.” you stare at him in shock. You find your legs growing wobbly and your chest is tightening. You can feel your breathing getting heavier and heavier the more Hyunjin talks. You remove Hyunjin’s grasp on you and take a seat on the couch, you knew your anxiety would be off the charts. “Ca-can I ask you something then?” You ask, your voice is small. “Anything” Hyunjin sits on the table, you give him a small glare “Is me answering question more important than your stupid rule?” he argues before you can scold him for sitting on your table. “Did I mean anything to you? Like at all? I’m not going to lie I was so fucking confused for such a long time and I’m really tired of it.” Hyunjin’s hand ran over his face before finding its way to the back of his neck. “You mean everything to me....” His words are practically whispers. “So why---I can’t answer that. I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to you so I won't answer that question” He cut you off.  

“You said you’d answer everything”  

“I said you could ask me anything, please, just know things are different now than they were, okay?”  

“Hyunjin I need to know....”  

“I can tell you how I feel now, I don’t feel the same way anymore so why does it matter?”

There they were again. The same question he always asked; does it matter? And for once you have a genuine answer “Yes it matters.” He sighs in response, grabbing the blunt that went out long ago from your hand and the lighter. You stare at him as he lights it and takes a long hit off it. You notice the way his hands are shaky and tears well up in his eyes. “Fine, honestly, when this all started, I didn’t really care. ---obviously---just listen. Y/N. I didn’t care and not because of you but because you know how I felt about relationships.” He confesses. “So, why’d even ask me out in the first place? In case you forgot Hyunjin, the whole reason we were even in a relationship was because you initiated it.” You question, puzzled. “I-I know I did, I got jealous honestly...---of who? I was only hooking up with you at the time” You cut him off “Minho and a little Han but mostly Minho” He states honestly. “Huh?” now you were really confused, why Minho? He was your dance partner last year and was the best dancer of 3rd year. But you two were no more than acquaintances at most and while you did spend a lot of time with him last year it was always about dance.  

“There was a rumor going around that Minho was going to confess and ask you out....”  

“And so, you asked first? So, he couldn’t?”  

Hyunjin nods in response, “I know it's stupid, and we were hooking up so I should’ve trusted that you liked me but I was insanely fucking jealous and it just happened. But I don’t regret it, I fell in love with you and I want to show you things would be different. I ended things with Ye-na almost as soon as they happened and—fuck—I know how badly I fucked up. I just want to fix things, I want to be with you, I feel so lost without you. I love you and I’ll make you trust me again.” You felt your heart clench at the softness in his tone. He seemed scared, he kept fidgeting as he allowed the blunt to go out and placed it on your table beside him. His breathe was shaky as he explained. “Would you have ever told me?” You ask “a-about anything?” he shakes his head “If I knew for a fact that you wouldn’t have broken up with me then yes but otherwise, I never wanted you to find out.”  

“Why?”

“Huh?”  

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?”  

“Because look what happened when you found out! Fuck I lost you and that was the whole reason I stopped everything with everyone but you because I didn’t want to lose you but Ye-na told you whatever she told you that night and I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t answering my messages and I was fucking panicking because I just wanted to get you out of there because she was fucking pissed. But she saw you first---I still don’t understand how everything happened---all I know is that losing you has been the worst thing that’s ever happened to me right now and I just-I want to be with you. I can be better; I’ll do whatever you want. I can make you happy.” He cried, he held onto your hands. Tears stream down his face, you stare at him sadly “It wasn’t just the cheating, Hyunjin. You can’t say you didn’t act like I wasn’t a burden. I know you said things would change but how can I be sure of that? For a long time, things were…. bad and I don’t want to be hurt again” you state hesitantly. “I won’t—I’ll be better I can help you trust me. I can love you the right way. I’ve never done this before but I’ll figure it out for you. Anything. Please just-just take me back, you don’t have to completely forgive me but please tell me I didn’t ruin things forever. Fuck I need to know you still love me, please tell me you still love me” He pleaded, he was on his knees his eyes never leaving yours. Rivers of tears flow down his angelic face.  

Your heart racing, you remove your hand from his, caressing his cheek wiping tears from their descent. “of course, I still love you. But I’m so fucking hurt and I don’t know if I could trust you.” He shakes his head “N-no do-don’t say that please. You can trust me. I’ll prove to you that you can please just give me a chance. I won’t hurt you again” he begs reaching into his pocket and unlocking his phone before shoving it in your hands. “You can go through it. Everything. And you can do that until you trust me again. I will do everything I can to be with you again.” You stare at the device in your hands, you notice his wallpaper. A selfie you had sent him a few months ago from your dance practice with Felix for the showcase. You felt butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you locked the device and handed it back to him “I-I don’t want to do that. I’m not that kind of person, Hyun and as much as I want to try things again, I can’t do that until I can trust you again.” Hyunjin buried his face in your neck, his arms wrapping around your waist. You felt his tears on your shoulder as he held you. “I can’t-I can’t lose you give me a chance just one chance please” He begged.

“Hyun...”  

He pulls back slightly, your eyes connect. Your faces centimeters apart. “You’re everything to me....” He whispers pressing his forehead against yours. “I won’t fuck this up again. I need you” Your bottom lip finds its way between your teeth. You hate how just him being close could affect you so badly. “I-I-I do-don’t know.... Hyun, I love you b-but I’m scared honestly. How can you know that yo-you won’t cheat on me again or something? I can’t deal with being hurt like that again” You profess. “I’ll give you my passwords, you can have the code to my phone, anything---everything I don’t care give me a chance please, you saw that I was changing babe you know I can make you happy. I did once, I can do it again. Better. I love you I want to give you all of me please” He begged. You weren’t sure what to say. You wanted to be with him, fuck you only wanted to be with him. Your heart ached for him every day since you had broken up, but you felt like it could also be a big mistake. You stared at him for a moment, everything about him was objectively the same. He still had the same flawless skin, the same seductive look in his eye; even when he wasn’t trying to have it, the same plush kissable pouty lips, but something was different and you weren’t entirely sure what, and whilst his new black hair had been quite the surprise last night. You knew that was definitely not what was different. But you definitely wanted to find out.  

You felt your heart race as you tilt your chin up connecting your lips. You felt butterflies fluttering in your gut as you feel that familiar spark. Hyunjin sat in shock for a second before he responded quickly. His heart soared as he felt your lips mold into his, his hand finding its way to your waist as he deepened the kiss parting your lips with his tongue. You open your mouth accepting his tongues exploration. He loved that you always allowed him dominance in your relationship, never once battling to be in charge. He missed your taste so much his mouth practically watered as your tongues dance around in your mouth. Your fingers find their way into his midnight locks.  

You both find yourselves sprawled across the couch, your back pressed against the cushions as Hyunjin straddled you; your legs wrapped around his waist as you devoured each other's mouths. A small moan escapes from your throat as Hyunjin grinds his hips into yours. His lips make their way to your throat. “H-Hyun...” You moan. “Tell me you’re mine” He begs “Please, baby?” You feel your panties growing wet “A-all yours, Hyunnie” Hyunjin could practically cry at your words; He presses his lips against yours roughly, putting every ounce of emotion he could into the kiss. “I love you” He confesses as he pulls away stroking your hair behind your ear. “Fuck... you’re so fucking beautiful baby” you feel your cheeks heat up, you bury your face in his neck. “Stoooopppp” you whine. “No, I’m so fucking happy right now baby” He smiles adjusting you both so you were straddling his lap. His hands find their way to your thighs, stroking them up and down, lovingly. You giggle at his actions, “You’re something else”  

“Tell me you love me” He pouts.  

“Hyun...”

“Tell me!”  

“Hyunnie...”  

“Baby~ Tell me you love mee”  

You roll your eyes at his whining. A smile placed firmly on your lips as he stared at you with a pout. “Fuck you’re so cute I love you too” you break. A wide smile forms on his lips his arms wrap around your torso pulling you into his chest. “I won’t fuck up this time. I promise baby” “I hope not, I’m really scared still, Hyun” You confess. “I know baby, but I know what it's like to be without you now. I’m not doing it again; you’re stuck with me. All I see is you now baby” He admits shyly. you kiss him in response, grinding your hips into his. You almost jump as you feel his hard member against your clothed core. His hands find their way to your hips holding you in place “Fuck, you can’t do that” He warns. You look at him with a pout. “Why not?”  

“Because, baby, you just can’t right now” He states.  

“But...” you kiss his neck seductively, nibbling and sucking on his sweet spot; you felt his grip on you grow tighter. “It’s been so long, and I want you so bad right now” You hear him sigh “Fuck...” He whispers under his breath. “Baby, stop, please I want to do things the right way” He can feel his resolve breaking the more you continue. If there was one thing Hyunjin knew for sure, it was that the last thing he truly wanted in this world right now was for you to stop. “Don’t you want me?” you question. “More than anything else in the world right now” He missed you, in every way. Not only has it been a really fucking long time since he last was even able to think about sex with anyone but his hand, but in that time, he found himself always feeling exceptionally heartbroken every time he thought about sex with anyone but you. If anyone wanted it right now, Hyunjin definitely did, but he wanted to do things right this time. His past self would hate him for what he was trying to do without question.  

“Please....daddy, I can be so good for you.” you pleaded. “F-fuck...I-I know you can baby, you always are.” He soothes, rubbing your thigh with his thumb “I need to do things the right way with you, this time” His voice is almost inaudible. You grind yourself against him once more, “whyyyyy~” you whine. You guide his hand up your thigh to your hips and under your shirt placing them on your rubs just under your breasts. Hyunjin’s eyes are stuck on your now partially exposed torso, his mouth waters at the feeling the pressure from your hips are causing on his fully hard member. You find yourself growing more and more aroused as time went on. His bottom lip finds its way between his teeth as you continue grinding against him. “babyyyy stop~” he coos, his cheeks heat up and while he’s used to you being submissive and always eager for sex, he’s never had you literally begging for it before. You just took him back and he wasn’t going to immediately just jump back into things like before. But God did he want to fuck you right now.  

You leaned forward once more kissing his neck, you heard the groans under his breath. You thrived in knowing how badly you were affecting him. “Fuck….” He growled as he wraps his arms around your waist tightly holding you still. He flips the two of you over, pressing his lips to yours before pulling himself off of you. You pout at his actions “what are you doing?” you question, puzzled. “Taking you somewhere to get food, because someone can’t control herself” He teases with a wink. You roll your eyes at him “watch how fast I reject you next time” you mumble as you lift yourself from your couch and make your way toward your room. “I heard that. Don’t play that game with me cause I will definitely win baby. But where are you going?” He states with a raised eyebrow. “To change I can’t go out in this” you gesture to your clothes. You rush into your room closing the door behind you. You make your way into your closet and grab a tight long sleeve and jeans. You notice Hyunjin laying across your bed, his arm placed behind his head a comfortable smile placed on his lips. You toss your clothes at him “you know I closed the door for a reason, right?” you muse. He nods “you know I don’t give a fuck right, I missed you.” He pouts “I had to go two months without even seeing you, you’re not leaving my side for a while.” He declares.  

“I have to sleep and stuff Hyun”  

he shrugs “so? You act like I won’t just not leave.” He tosses your clothes at you before crossing his arms over his chest. You chuckle in response, changing into your clothes. “You act like I’d have a problem with that baby” Hyunjin’s cheeks grow red at your words. “O-okay” he stammers shyly. You’ve always called him Hyun, or Hyunnie or on the rare occasion Jinnie but hearing you call him baby made Hyunjin’s heart race. He was absolutely nervous as you stood there, running the brush through your hair. “Y-you ready?” he questions, his eyes roaming over your figure. He groans internally why did he want to do things the right way? Fuck you always looked so good; he felt his heart flutter at your smile as you nod. He lifts himself from your bed as you make your way to the door. Hyunjin wraps his arms around your waist from behind pulling you into him. You squeak as he kisses your cheek. “I love you, baby” he smiles as he grabs hold of your hand spinning you to face him before re-placing his hand on your waist pulling you into him tightly, his free hand caresses your cheek. “I love you too” you press your lips against his. Your heart flutters, your fingers feel tingly.  

The love you had for him always seemed to leave you…. breathless.

__________________________________________________________

Taglist: @xxoverthinkerxx​ @elmi-chan​ @midsoulz​ @hyunjintoon​ 

[a-linearis]

to my fellow humans struggling with bfrbs (body focused repetitive behaviours):

you are not a monster, you are not disgusting or shameful, you are a person worthy of love and care and respect :)

About a week ago, I had one of the worst episodes of skin biting in months, I'm doing better now but I wanted to put some tips and reminders here!

I didn't know that there was terms for my behaviours until like a few months ago (even though this has been a thing since I was really young), since shame and stigma got in the way of anyone in my family actually doing any research/getting me help (i.e. i had to deal with it on my own :<)

[note: a lot of these are for dermatophagia/onychophagia since I can talk from personal experience, feel free to add your own advice!]

Water is a big thing that can be triggering, since it can reveal flaps of skin (when your skin absorbs the water and your skin goes wrinkly), so a lot of these revolve around water.

If the skin around your fingers is affected, go wash your hands immediately after an episode of the repetitive behaviour! Rinsing my mouth also helps sometimes.

go get yourself some (cheap) hand cream from your local drugstore. I always keep moisturiser on me to use after I was my hands/do the dishes/have a shower/anytime my hands feel dry

Wash the dishes with gloves/use a dishmatic/if you have a dishwasher and it doesn't cost too much to use you can use that

Try turning off the water in your shower whilst applying soap to your body. If showers are completely too triggering, flannels and deodorant (but at least try to shower if you've exercised/once every few days). Equally, washing your hands should be fine, but if not, then hand sanitiser (be careful of cuts though!)

I exfoliate around my fingers with brown sugar like once every two days if my fingers don't hurt, I'm not sure of the proven efficacy of it removing dead skin from the surface but it makes me feel good (it's a good replacement activity)

nail oils! jojoba oil is known to be good, but i used to use virgin olive oil because it's also good (and it was something I had at home). Right now I just use shea butter! just moisturise in any way possible!

There are some things that people say such as bitter nail solutions and gum, but I used to just chew right through those, so remember that there is no one solution that works for everyone (some of these won't help you, and that's fine)

Plasters tend to stop air from getting to small cuts on your fingers so try not to use those (they weren't very helpful for me, at least)

When your hands start healing, gloves can help, but the fabric tends to catch onto skin/nails so be careful with that (and when you're putting on clothes in general)

Nail polish/rings if you like them! You shouldn't feel like you have to wait until your fingers are better before you can look nice :)

Knitting/fiddling with rings/making sure your doing something with your hands can be useful sometimes, but it's totally understandable if you just start with one little piece of skin and you end up like completely wrecking your fingers (when you start, you often can't stop)

Be aware of possible triggers. it's very hard to do this since sometimes episodes come out of nowhere, but I know i'm more likely to start biting my skin after stressful events or during task paralysis/when my brain is "stuck" (the logic is that my brain can be "stuck" on something else instead of all these impending things i have to do but can't get myself to start doing)

Remind yourself how much your hands help you to experience the world around you - You write, read, use technology, make and eat food, play your favourite games, hug your friends and create with your hands! You owe it to yourself to keep them safe and healthy where possible. Be compassionate with yourself (it will often be in spite of the way others treat you - but we are all here for you!)

talking about it can always help too with removing guilt/shame (I am always down to talk) and reading other posts on the tags here can feel v validating (@bfrb-culture-is has been so so helpful in making me feel less alone!)

I do hope this is helpful, this post is as much for me as it is for anyone else that comes across it <3

Have a good day~

[maxwell-mtv]

Sleepless Nights with Morris and Pierre (Stardew Valley)

Heyo! Do you have ✨insomnia?✨ Do you frequently find yourself up at all odd hours of the night, no matter how little sleep you get the night before?! Well boy, are you not alone because I wrote some handy-dandy headcanons of how those sleepless nights might go with the businessmen of Pelican Town! I included both perspectives of whether it is they who are having troubles sleeping, or if it's you who may be struggling. Here's a little disclaimer (as is usual from me):

[Disclaimer: As with all my headcanons, they're all based off my game play which involves the Stardew Expanded Mod and Marry Morris Mod (and possibly more I don’t remember downloading). In this scenario, Joja is still in business but Pierre and Caroline are now divorced. Trigger warning for alcohol, smoking, and hinted marijuana use. Please enjoy and let me know of any headcanons you'd like to see from me!]

🌆 Morris:

It’s sad to say there’s more nights than not where you can find Morris up at all odd hours of the night

Sometimes he’ll simply be pacing while other times you’ll find him slumped on the couch with a book he only can reread a single page on

Whenever you find him it’s one of two things: general anxiety or stress from his job

“What are you doing up this late?” He’ll ask you with a concerned scowl

“I could ask you the same.” You’ll retort.

“Fair point.” He never likes talking about his problems outside of surface level, everyday stuff. But when you can manage to catch him in his most vulnerable state, which happens to be on those nights where he’s especially distressed, he’ll confess what’s on his mind

With worried eyes, he’ll list off all that ails him and more, eventually divulging into a rant about how “kids these days never want to work! Back in my day…”

And so on and so on, until one of you stops him mid sentence to take a few deep breaths and calm down

“I have to do inventory with half the staff because Claire has some odd appointment to attend to and Shane is out on medical leave! How do they expect a staff of three to inventory an entire store and submit the numbers by tomorrow?” He’ll ask you in an exasperated tone, putting his head in his hands

It’s never easy to repeat the same routine nearly every week, but it’s what needs to be done. On the bright side, you now know how to decipher between whether it’s a non-caffeinated-tea or a classic warm-glass-of-milk night.

Although you may sometimes find him with a glass of scotch or whiskey in his hands when he goes through these spells, you try hard to shuffle him away from the potential alcohol dependency (thus the tea or milk being a frequent solution you provide)

On that note, if Morris is the one to find you awake with insomnia, he’ll quickly rush to the first solution he’s always known to work

Coming to your side, he’ll hand you a glass of something potent and tell you it’ll do the trick

After a sniff and sip, you’ll quickly realize what it is and you’ll scold him for trying to give you a stiff drink as a solution

“My father used to give that to me growing up and it always did the trick for me!” He’ll defend himself with that mischievous smirk of his

After his rejected solution of drinking till you’re too dizzy to stay upright, he’ll finally ask you what he can do to help, which usually leads to him simply sitting with you.

Sometimes he’ll take you on a walk around your farm and other times he’ll just do as you do with him so often and make you some tea to calm your nerves

Either way, he’s encouraging you to talk to him, if there’s anything in particular keeping you up

He will not push you to go back to bed but rather stay up with you, no matter how tired he is, until you’re ready to go to bed yourself

When and if you manage to feel ready to try and sleep again, he’ll walk with you back upstairs and make sure you’re comfortable and don’t need anything before he climbs back into bed with you

He’ll persist through his own exhaustion to make sure you fall asleep before he does

On the rare occasion, he’ll even gently trace the shape of your face with his finger while telling you stories from his work

If you ask him why he does this, he’ll try to avoid the topic, making it seem more ominous and creepy than it is

Eventually, he will tell you it’s simply something his mother used to do for him when he was a little boy to help him fall asleep

As soon as he knows for a fact that you’re out for the night, he’ll often say something more tender and sweet to you than he typically does. Some form of an “I love you” but with some extra vulnerability

🌇 Pierre:

It’s not often Pierre has a night where he feels completely incapable of sleeping at any point

He’ll often stay up later, yes, but he’s typically passed out by 2 in the morning

But on those rare, rare occasions, you can find him on the balcony, smoking a cigarette you didn’t know he had. Is that skunk you smell?

Getting up to see what was on the man’s mind, you’ll have to approach him gently, Yoba forbid you sneak up on the poor man and make him drop his smoke in surprise

“Oh hey,” he’ll glance down at you with a soft smile, “sorry, I’ll be back to bed in a minute. I just… need a moment.” He’ll turn his attention to the town square below

It’s almost a guarantee that the reason he’s up is something related to his sinking ship of a shop and Joja Mart’s hand in its downfall

Some nights he’ll just go off on a tangent about how big corporations shouldn't be allowed to exist and basically how it's not fair to more sustainable businesses like his

But most nights you two will just take in the night air of the town, taking in the serenity

After Pierre finishes his smoke he’ll come back to bed with you, holding you close as some form of comfort in an otherwise harsh reality

Sadly, if you’re the one up with insomnia, Pierre will hardly ever notice as he’s (for the most part) a heavy sleeper

But if he notices your absence from the bed, he’ll wait a few minutes before looking for you

He’ll first look in the bathroom, then the kitchen, and finally outside

The moment he finds you, he’ll put a hand on your shoulder and ask you why you’re not in bed

If it’s from anxiety? Buckle up because he’s going to sit you down (if you aren’t already sitting) to talk it out until he is sure you are okay

Believe it or not, he was the parent to stay up with Abigail when she couldn’t sleep at night

His dad-ishness sort of shines through in these moments

But he’ll talk you through things and calmly assure you everything will be fine

Once he manages to get you back to bed, he’ll hold you close if you let him

Despairingly, unlike Morris, he won’t be able to stay awake, let alone have the idea to stay up, until he knows you’re asleep. That man will be out like a light the moment his cheek hits his pillow and he pulls you into his arms

Rest assured, in the morning, if he even knew you had a sleepless night, he’ll be up early with breakfast and coffee ready-to-go!

[beepsparks]

Clock Tower headcanons because yes (feel free to use these for your own hcs for him I don’t mind)

This is gonna be long. Brace yourselves (also a lot of these are gonna involve the dolls in the attraction and theres gonna be MAD angst so uh beware. TW for mentions of (doll) child death I guess?) oh and im prob gonna be calling him Clockenspiel throughout this post as my design of him uses that name.

• He behaves like a father to the dolls in the ride. The animals in the ride are considered pets, too. (And last time I checked there’s approximately 240 doll children and 60 animals on the actual its a small world so idk?? Could be wrong)

• Clockenspiel’s mental state affects those of the dolls. If he’s normal, the dolls will be, too. However, when he’s gone insane, the dolls will act more strangely too.

• This also makes me imagine when Clockenspiel has COMPLETELY gone mad and the bossfight happens, (if there was singing in the game), the dolls would gather around atop parts of the arena like alley cats stalking a mouse (ha.) and sing.

• Clockenspiel has control over the attraction. Sure, gremlins and people can mess with parts of it, but the overall functions and mechanics are under his control. (So yes, he can suddenly turn off every light except one to bring a spotlight on you.)

• “Can a clock tower need therapy?” YES. The thinner disaster and being abandoned for presumably decades (plus the song getting stuck at a point an playing nonstop according to the junior novel for Epic Mickey) degraded Clockenspiel’s mental health BIG TIME. More on this later.

• Theres plenty of reasons why Clockenspiel completely lost his mind once Mickey entered the area for his bossfight, but a possible reason in my headcanons is a mix of several things; If Mickey destroyed any dolls (aka his technical CHILDREN) on his way to reaching him (making him reasonably PISSED), perhaps he knew Mickey was just gonna leave through the projector screen once he reached Clockenspiel (which would probably cause a reaction like “you people left me abandoned for SO, SO LONG. And finally, when I see another toon again, all you want to do is LEAVE? Just like that? AGAIN?!”), maybe his security protocols triggered, maybe he just snapped at the moment Mickey walked in, etc…

• In the paint route, Clockenspiel is alive, and back to his usual, friendly, gentle-giant self, but he’s still struggling with the trauma and mental issues he got. Bottles of thinner stress him out, he cannot be left alone at night during closing time or else he’ll get REALLY, REALLY anxious and stressed (so someone has to stay with him for the night so he can actually “sleep” or just generally relax and not lose his mind all paranoid about being abandoned again), he’s trying to recover though, be nice to him.

• In the thinner route, Clockenspiel eventually shuts down, and at a point, dissolves enough with the thinner and sinks to the bottom of the river. Oh, and I haven’t decided on what to choose yet, but either the dolls will scurry off away from the area where Mickey kills him (if the dolls were watching), or the dolls will simultaneously shut down with Clockenspiel.

• The rules of the attraction are his “house rules”, break any of these rules (or just generally be disrespectful and/or rude), and he will NOT be pleased. At all. Seriously, you don’t want a giant clock tower to be mad at you. Just be nice and behave lmao

• I haven’t seen much on Epic Mickey 2 so take this headcanon with a grain of salt, Small World (and Ostown I suppose) is the only area in Wasteland perfectly safe for children, so many who live on Mean Street bring their kids there, making Clockenspiel pretty much a children’s icon for the kids in Wasteland.

• Clockenspiel cares about children, and is actually pretty capable of babysitting (although he WILL judge someone if they’re being a bad parent.), he can even entertain people on his own, playing music (since he could possibly be a giant instrument), playing little games, storytimes… he’ll also teach kids how to sing its a small world, so uh. Sorry if suddenly a toon kid just starts singing it over and over.

• Some people are slightly hesitant to trust him at first, since he’s a huge animatronic with enormous fists that could be considered dangerous, but he’s harmless when theres no danger around or he isn’t crazy.

• He can hold his friends using his hands! He’s very gentle, there’s nothing to be worried about regarding that.

• When being built, once people realized he was sentient, they quickly gave him arms (because it’s only fair to let him have SOME movement besides his head tilting if he’s gonna be alive)

• Clockenspiel used to be far more energetic when he was first built, but had to be taught to be more gentle and careful so he’d stop accidentally scaring people with his more high energy (because y’know, he’s HUGE). Now, hes more soft-spoken, and more careful and precise with every single one of his movements.

• The toon “armor” on his arms can be taken off. But he has to be very careful when doing anything without those parts so he doesn’t damage himself. (Plus he generally prefers to have them on more because they add to his more colorful color palette)

• As implied by the Clocktower Cleaners comic, he is allergic to his own dust.

• You’re lucky he’s so friendly and gentle! In game, theres 3 ceiling props of a sun, and 2 clouds, and whenever the Clock Tower attacks, the props violently bounce. Meaning this man can cause SHOCKWAVES just by hitting his fists on the ground. Good lord.

• He’s good friends with the gremlins. His very tall walls forming the facade help protect Gremlin Village, and the Gremlins help repair Clockenspiel whenever he needs it. And in general they seem to be close. (Which. Hurts a lot now considering in the junior novel, when Mickey destroys the clock tower, the Gremlins simply cheer on Mickey for stopping him from destroying everything with his fists. And the fact they abandoned him for decades but hey. Everyone was kinda fending for themselves.)

Okay I think I’m done. I might edit this whenever though so keep that noted!!

[stardust-in-my-mind-blog]

demand avoidance

I'm finding that my sense of agency is deepening, allowing me to open up and experience novelty again.

For awhile I was only making decisions to avoid conflict. I couldn't figure out the patterns. It can be hard for me when I can't figure out the patterns. Especially when I can't feel what is behind them. My literal thinking will start kicking in and I'll begin believing everything to pick apart later.

I have a habit of over empathizing with other people's perspectives rather than my own. I'm used to being misunderstood and triggering people's projections. It's a thing. Luckily I'm learning it's a common thing with people on the spectrum. I'm learning how to protect my energy when that happens instead of succumbing to self-doubt in my character and my obsession with integrity.

I tell the truth directly, poetically, and I have six different metaphors I can use in any one situation. I'll dance around your feelings for a bit until I lose patience. Then there's lightning that strikes in multiple places and I apologize profusely once I have my temper back in check.

Today when something happened to the plan I was working tirelessly toward, I didn't crumble. I didn't even feel like doing it. I am impatient and confused and don't know how to move forward. I'm walking around in circles in the dark. But I have a deep sense of faith that I'll make it. Whatever is supposed to happen. Uncertainty isn't as scary anymore. I'm still proud I finished it. It was so hard. Today I was talking to my neighbor, whom I love dearly and have for over five years. That's a big connection for me. I usually attract people I end up having to walk away from, or accept when they walk away from me. Mitzi isn't like that. We don't talk every day, and she struggles to ask for help as much as I do. So we learn how to do it with each other. Like today, I was talking to her and my youngest son was on his four wheeler thing just going crazy. My hypervigilance kicked in because I was unconsciously tracking his actions, and trying to listen to her story, and damn it I literally had gone out to walk the dog so that I didn't have to pay attention to anything but walking in silence. I began getting upset and overwhelmed.

When I told Mitzi exactly how I felt, she nodded, and gave me a hug. I knew she saw me getting more and more agitated and she didn't blame me or take it personally. She said, gently, "You're okay. We'll talk soon."

I cut her off for six months one time for triggering me. Didn't talk to her at all after a couple years of friendship. Maybe it felt like a betrayal. When I went to her door after realizing my part in the situation, and the look she gave me was so hurt. So angry. Sometimes my cutoff game is way too strong. I explained to her what had triggered me, why my reaction was a bit too strong, and how I'd learn how to communicate better in the future. It sucked to hurt her, but I also knew that if she'd have come after me I'd have just pushed her away. Why we think emotional wounds are different than physical wounds I'll never know. Energy is energy, but it's all tissue in the fabric of the universe.

When I'm zooming around this place I'll feel how some emotions manifest in my body. There will be a tone of phrase or this feeling I get reading something that feels like, "I know better than you". Fuck you, you can't tell me anything. I'm open to anything until it makes me feel forced. Then spite shows up and there's nothing that sets my mind like spite. I can get anything done if it runs on spite or injustice. My heels dig in and suddenly there's no choice other to burn something. It's a habit I'm trying to soften. These kinds of emotions you have to tame, not control. I like the cover of my book. I like the layout of my book. The hard part is over - collecting and organizing all that linguistic alchemy. I had to fight so many versions of myself despairing over possible failure or meeting expectations help by me and a rare few. Now I feel like I put them to rest in those pages. It's nice. My core feels more solid. My sense of reality is more difficult to shake. I'm still frustrated because the date would have been a nice mirroring, but instead I'll say this was the date I finished it. Rejection is part of the process and I can still be a little sensitive to it. Life is for practicing though, right?

I'm glad my writing voice is coming back. It's kind of odd having a skillset that will abandon me if I abandon myself. Now I'm able to summon enough energy for prose, poetry, and the thoughts I want to remember, especially during this process. This experience is wild and so full of different kinds of emotion. I'm glad in a way I'll never forget it. I'm practicing detachment very well, especially when everything inside me hums with excitement about the future for the first time in a long while. I love every character I get to meet on here. I feel kind of silly for feeling so lost and being so confused, but my intuition will grasp something and I'll see all the threads for a moment. Then I'm confused again. I'm learning how to tread the waves. Ok, now I have to sleep. My oldest son rushed in because he had a nightmare that I was dying. I wasn't and I was able to reassure him. We talked about some things I'm glad I got to clarify for him. He told me he was a man at 11 and I didn't need to worry about his feelings or anything. I told him I was always going to worry a little bit, that was my sacred job, but I also knew he could handle things and figure things out. I thought it was really cool he wanted to protect me, and I also felt like he shouldn't have to worry about how I felt because I was the mom and I was supposed to protect him. So we decided to compromise and believe that our feelings mattered to each other and it was a good thing to share them together once in awhile so we could understand each other better. I think that's balance. Motherhood as a leadership role gets a lot more complicated the older he gets but I'm up to the challenge. He makes everything so easy. His heart is so gentle and maybe a little too self-sacrificing like mine. We'd bleed for anyone but get uncomfortable when someone bleeds for us. He finally fell asleep and I can feel how safe he feels in here. It makes me happy I make him feel safe. I need to remember that. Protecting him is a pleasure, not a burden, and it's a balance because I also have to let him learn how to protect himself too. See? Complicated. But he does make it easy.

Okay. Time for dreams and the people I visit in them.

[dianesnakelake]

How I manage my professional and personal life with my eating disorder and anxiety

Having a routine might seem boring to some, but for me, it’s a vital pillar that helps me manage my anxiety and stay disciplined in both my personal and professional life. Here’s how I organize my days:

My weekly routine:

Every Monday at lunch, I do my grocery shopping for the week. I buy frozen meals with less than 500 calories each, which costs me under 20€ and covers all my lunches at work for the week.

Water is always within reach: I constantly keep a water bottle with me, refilling it as soon as it’s empty. I track every liter I drink using an app to make sure I reach my goal of 3 liters a day.

Heating time = me time: every lunch, while my meal is heating, I take a few minutes to practice breathing exercises and take my supplements.

30 minutes of elliptical after work is a non-negotiable ritual. I adjust the intensity depending on my energy level, but I never skip a session. If I have plans after work, I make sure to get my workout done first. This helps me burn between 400 and 700 calories, depending on the intensity.

After my workout, I stay busy: whether it’s playing video games, hanging out with friends, playing the piano, going for a walk, or watching a movie, my goal is simple: stay away from the kitchen and keep my mind occupied.

If I get too hungry or feel low on energy, I allow myself a sugar-free Coke or an energy drink. I don’t keep any at home, so if I want one, I have to walk 15 minutes to buy it, which helps me limit consumption.

"One snack leads to another": I avoid fast food and sugary treats because they can trigger a binge, and I’d rather not take that risk.

The things I still struggle with:

I’d like to incorporate breathing exercises in the morning when I wake up and at night before bed, but I often forget.

I don’t reach 10,000 steps a day yet. My job helps me reach around 4,500 steps without noticing, but I try to take a walk after my workout when possible.

On weekends, I’m less strict about counting calories. Sometimes, I’ll allow myself two meals in a day, but it’s rare because I’ve noticed binge episodes are more likely when I have a second meal.

Going out with friends often means being exposed to alcohol… and we all know how many calories are in beer! I’d like to stick more to zero-calorie sodas during social events to control my calorie intake better.

This routine helps me maintain a sense of balance, despite the challenges. Each day is a step forward, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. ✨

[eccentric-nucleus]

the game-thing i'm working on is getting to the point where i'm thinking about writing dialog & i am once again thinking about how difficult good game writing is to do. games sometimes have enormous amounts of text but a lot of it is just like, 'seven paragraphs of lore-appropriate justifications for fetching me 10 rat asses' or whatever. this is not text that is really doing anything from a thematic standpoint.

(okay lots of people seem to like the ffxiv writing so maybe i should take a look at that. but i don't know anything about that)

'visions of mana' came out recently & that got me thinking about 'legend of mana', which was for a very long time my favorite game of all time, and now might only not be in top place because it's been like 20 years since i played it and i'm a very different person from who i was then. but legend of mana's writing was like, deeply formative for me? it's just such a weird game. the main character is utterly uninvolved in all of the main quests. there are three separate main quests that are completely unrelated to each other, and you only need to complete one to trigger the end of the game. there are all these sidequests about the interiority of random villagers. more than any other game i've played, legend of mana reminds me of a fairy tale? some of the quests are just weird. there's a multi-part quest about a depressed kid who kills himself and is taken away to the underworld! there's a short, simple quest where a crazed mage is trying to get a world-destroying power that will make the stars fall, and when he gets it it's a fireworks display, and he's like "...oh", and then this never comes up again when you talk to him afterwards. he's a teacher at the magician's academy. there's such a broad spread of what a quest might be like that it's kind of impossible to tell where any one might go.

so, the mana series as a whole kind of has a recurring theme: mana power supports life. every time mana power resurges, in the form of the mana tree growing again, there are huge wars over who gets to control the flow of mana power. horrible death weapons get created to fight in those wars. civilizations are destroyed and the fighting only really stops when the mana tree is inevitably burned down. 'mana power' is kind of a representation of... the totality of existence. everything good and bad that people could possibly want. the final dungeon of legend of mana is the mana tree itself, verdant outside and consumed by luminous rot inside. the final boss is the mana goddess herself.

anyway visions of mana starts with the premise that there are all these little bucolic towns peaceably living together, and every so often they pick a random person in the town to go on a quest that ends with them being sacrificed at the mana tree, which consumes their soul. a little low-stakes compared to the mana tree's usual civilization-destroying power-struggle antics, but sure okay. the mana tree can absolutely be an evil soul-sucking thing. but it's so clearly poised for some mid-game reveal about something, & i'm concerned it's gonna go in a "actually we don't need to do all the sacrifice stuff" direction, & that would be kinda disappointing. "is a peaceful idylic existence worth the sacrifice of an innocent person", etc. something something those who walk away from omelas something something cursed child etc. it's a big swing to take! and i really do not have faith in a videogame to pull off something actually philosophical these days.

all that is to say i was thinking of replaying legend of mana for writing ideas but tbh i have no clue if it'll hold up.

[shinmiyovvi]

can I ask 💛 and 🌙 for your main ocs :33 (the yellow oc ask)

Hello, Janilee! Hope you're doing well 💖 It's been awhile since I receive an asks for the ask game so I'm going to try my best to answer it. Since there are no specifications about which from the main ocs or if it's Primis or Ultimis, I will add both of them instead!

The questions are:

💛 (yellow heart) - What's your character's thoughts about friendship? Do they have a lot of friends? What do they like about their friends?

🌙 (cresent moon) - Does your character have a moral code or a set of rules they have for themselves? If so, what made them adopt these morals or ideals? If not, why?

Valena

💛: Both Ultimis and Primis have friends that they can rely on. They considered friendship as a found family, a family that they feel like they belong there. A family that they can put their trust on and share their feelings and struggles.

🌙: Both also have their own moral codes/set of rules that they always follow. Their top 1 rule is to "Always believe in yourself". Even if they struggled to survive, they still continue to believe in themselves that they can get through any hardships in amidst of chaos.

Ji Eun

💛: Ultimis has some friends with her that she could trust despite being shy around them. Like Valena, she considers friendship as a found family that she is comfortable to share her thoughts, feelings, and many more. Primis, on the other hand, somehow has fewer friends compared to her Ultimis counterpart. She is more cautious about making friends due to her past and the rumor of Ji eun being the daughter of her mother and a different father. Her perspective of friendship is somehow about trust but there are uncertainties of when will that friendship last as she can sense betrayal in those types of things. In Ji eun's case, they must earn her trust first before she could befriend them.

🌙: Both have suffered from their own respective struggles, with Ultimis being harassed and becoming a comfort woman during WW2 and Primis struggling with discrimination against the Japanese and experiencing existential crisis about her life. But, both Ultimis and Primis have their own moral codes and either of them follows the saying "Never give up". With their lives in shambles and on a brink of losing hope, they still have the courage to carry on despite the obstacles they are facing.

Arthur

💛: Both Ultimis and Primis considered their friends as brothers in arms and a family. According to them, friendship is all about the memories that you have with your friends as you can reminisce them together. Primis has doubts about his friendship with his best friends if they will last longer like they have promised him. But Archie (Primis) knows that he cam trust his friends that their friendship will last longer than they would expected to be.

🌙: Both has their respective moral codes that they follow. "Love yourself" is one of their favorite rules that they always have in mind. They may tend to be harsh on themselves, but since this rule is also an advice from their mothers, they kept repeating it until both Ultimis and Primis feels much better from all the self depreciation that the have inflicted on themselves.

Dragomir

💛: Like Arthur and Valena, Miro (Primis) tends to see his friends or simply about friendship, focuses about trust, memories, family, and many more. But with Ultimis, he once have friends before until he lost all of them because of WW2 and his emotions fading. He didn't considered his allies as friends as this would give him the memories of his lost friends. But, Drago (Ultimis) considered friendship as companionship to one another even if he lost them in the past.

🌙: Ultimis' moral code is only to survive. After he lost his loved ones, he lost the feeling of every single emotions that he once have which there's a possibility he is experiencing alexithymia due to his PTSD being triggered. But, Drago wants to feel those emotions again, even if it means having the courage to approach someone who can help him with his problem. Primis on the other hand, also has morals that he follows like everyone else. Being responsible and understanding are one of his main morals that he uses in his life.

[millenari]

2 for wip ask game? Time travel is a crazy concept

Number 2, the timetraveling 7kittens au! This one is inspired by the 'pulled seven kittens out of a hat' line from Misto's song that people often hc to mean that Misto is trans and has given birth to kittens before. This au is an offshoot of Gold Rush, in which only a few elements are changed (most notably that Misto is trans). The story starts when, one night on the junkyard (perhaps only a year or two prior to the events of the show) a group of seven kittens come trotting into the junkyard, claiming to be Tugger and Misto's litter from the future. The kittens have no idea how they got stuck in the past (and had no idea they'd even moved through time at first) so Misto and the others are stuck taking care of the little guys while all the resident magical cats try to put their heads together and figure out how the litter got there, and why. I don't want to call this story 'dark' but it could be severely triggering for some people, because it has a lot to do with Misto struggling with dysphoria due to his heats and the idea of becoming pregnant in the future. The concepts of choice and fate and destiny and such are tossed around a lot, and Misto spends a lot of time struggling with the feeling of having no control of his body. He has to wrestle with these feelings all the while he grows fonder and fonder of the kittens he'd initially resented, and also has to re-evaluate his relationship to Tugger along the way. And if all of that wasn't complicated enough, one kitten of the litter in particular, Victor, is a little too much like Misto for his own good. Or at least, Misto thinks so. Another way too long summary. Anyways, snippet:

Misto waves his paws a little, incredulous. “Don’t you want to know if you actually make your own choices?”

“No. Because I know I do.” Reaching over, Tugger rips a small chunk off of Misto’s fish, and then proceeds to chuck it across the clearing. He’s lucky it’s empty right now, or he would’ve probably hit someone.

“Tugger!” Misto barks, taken aback.

“See? I just chose to do that. I know that for a fact.”

“And if every existing— existing universal iteration of you did that exact same thing at this exact same time? Is it still you choosing?”

“Yes. You know how I know?”

“How?” Misto sighs.

“Because I chose to. Just now.” When Misto groans again and leans back against the crate behind him, Tugger smugly adds, “Put that one in your diary.”

“Do you really not care about any of this?”

“What? Destiny? No. A bunch of shit happens and then we get reborn into a new life. And then a bunch of shit happens again. Repeat for eternity. We’re cats, Misto, how much does any of this matter?”

“Because I want to know where I’m headed!” Misto exclaims up at the stars, gesturing at his chest. “I want to know if there’s any point in fighting against— my destiny, or my future, or whatever.”

“You don’t need to ‘fight’ your destiny at all, Misto.”

“That’s easy for you to say!” Misto exclaims, sitting up to look over at Tugger. “You were born in the right body! All I fucking do is try to work against what the universe hands me, and if there’s a possibility that there’s no point in it and I have no say—”

“Then what?” Tugger asks wryly. “You’ll just stop?”

Misto pauses. He scratches his nose before admitting, “Well. No.”

“There you go. Just do your thing, Misto.” He leans back against the crates, folding his arms behind his head. “Who cares about destiny and shit.”