#my social studies teacher is so “???” about why i'm excited

[killtheratwithameatcleaver]

my fucking social studies class watched john green explain slavery and don't know who he is???????? i was like "IS THAT JOHN GREEN??????????" and mutherfuckers realky said "yes. he is Very Polite. i wonder who he is" YES HE IS VERY POLITE BUT YOU DINT UNDERSTAND HES A WRITER THAT MAN IS A WRITER HE IS MY HERO STOP TALKING WHILE HES TALKING

[tranquilpetrichor]

lesson learned

synopsis: in which a tutoring session turns out to be much more in disguise.

cast: tutor!gunwook x fem!reader ft. gyuvin and ricky (briefly)

genre: high school!au, f2l

wc: 2.2k (2225)

warnings: suggestive, making out, yn’s outfit has a skirt, gunwook kisses yn on neck, they call each other "cute" and "hot, they r nerds, please don’t do this in a study room, barely proofread and edited help

a/n: i swear why is finishing stuff so hard, this could be so much better but i'm happy i managed to finish it. also it's kinda hard not writing from y/n's perspective but it shre is interesting. i wanna make longer fics lol but for now enjoy this bc i love writing about nerds and especially ones who are down bad.

be sure to reblog and like to support your creators!

bright sunlight filtered in through the windows of the empty study room as park gunwook typed away on his laptop, trying to get homework done quickly.

outside, some students were walking across campus, birds were flying freely, and there were a distinct lack of clouds in the sky.

he would probably be there too, but he was supposed to be tutoring you soon. as boredom was slowly starting to set in, he double-checked the time. it was one minute after your appointment was set to begin.

odd. you weren’t usually late to anything.

before he could ponder it further, you walked into the room, sighed and put your stuff beside him, apologizing for being late. “i was talking to another professor about something, and i didn’t expect it to take that long. my bad…”

something seemed a bit different about you, but he wasn’t sure why. he shrugged the thought off and chuckled quietly.

“it’s no problem, y/n. one minute is nothing. do you prefer the curtains open or closed?”

you waved a hand at the window. “let’s close them.”

he got up and pressed a button on the light switch panel near the doorway, and the curtains automatically came down. this private school sure spent money on interesting things, but at least they were occasionally useful.

cute outfit, he thought.

was that a new pair of boots? it paired nicely with the skirt you were wearing. you managed to look hot and adorable at the same time.

how unprofessional to be distracted by your appearance—he frowned.

snap out of it. it’s time to do math, not stare like an idiot.

luckily, you didn’t say anything, even though he swore he saw a tiny smirk on your face, which you quickly removed in favor of a more neutral expression.

that was weird, he thought as you got your tablet out—the one you liked to take notes on during the calculus class you two had together.

he wasn’t sure of your exact grade in the class, but he heard it was quite high. you were smart, but didn’t seem to have problems asking for help if you needed it. in his opinion, that was pretty admirable.

gunwook noticed that if you did need help, you’d go to the teacher or try and talk to him. the two of you exchanged numbers eventually, texting each other for study sessions.

he loved being able to talk to you more, slowly learning little things about you—like how you wore a certain necklace on big days for luck, that your go-to snack was nuts (he couldn’t help but think of you as a squirrel after that), and that you had a dog named citrus.

he got the feeling that you weren’t the biggest on socializing with many people, preferring to only keep compaany with a few friends. he’s mutual friends with a few of them, like jungwon.

it was refreshing compared to his large friend group (although he loved them) and the many people who were merely interested in him for his looks.

of course, he wouldn’t mind if you were interested in his looks, but hopefully you also liked something beyond that.

you probably did—who else would end up chatting about precious stones or logical fallacies with him? he loved seeing you excited and passionate.

god, his face was probably going to be red if he kept this up.

“i see you said you wanted to look at stuff from the last lecture when you were booking the session,” he said, trying to banish certain thoughts from his head. “series can be difficult, so i get it.”

you nodded, offering him a sweet smile. “yeah, i just wanna go over a few of the divergence and convergence problems on the first practice problem set. i have the problems listed here.”

you pushed your tablet in his direction, and he picked it up.

he glanced at your solution for the first one, nearly written. “i mean, it looks like you applied the test correctly. just to make sure, how did you know to use that one?”

you didn’t hesitate to answer.

“given series is a p-series where p is equal to three. p is greater than three, so the series will converge.”

as expected, you kept up with his questioning. of course you probably knew what a damn p-series is. he’d just wanted to hear your voice some more.

speaking of voices, maintaining a professional tone with you was a miracle. gunwook’s composure and eloquence were paramount to getting him through student council meetings, debates and tutoring sessions, but those skills seemed to want a temporary vacation.

“do you want to move onto the next one?” he said, defaulting to his standard tutor voice.

“mhm. i remember our teacher said there was more than one way to do it. i never tried to figure out the other ways, but now i’m curious.”

gunwook flipped to a certain page in his notebook. “do you want me to show you how i did it? it’s definitely a different method, but we got the same answer.”

you shrugged. “sure. take your time.”

you were twirling your stylus pen in your hands and swiftly tucked it atop your ear. fuck, did you not know how cute you looked? your hair was neatly parted near the middle right now, but he wondered what it’d be like to see you disheveled. at this point, he might be thinking with something other than his brain.

you spent another few minutes talking with him, bringing his memory back to previous tutoring sessions. he remembered you said once that having to justify your reasoning on a topic was one of the best ways to deepen understanding, and that he was skilled at identifying the holes in your arguments.

“that’s why i would hate to lose a debate against you,” you had admitted. “it’s always more fun when we can work together.”

the offhanded comment could’ve had another meeting. as an friend, gunwook couldn’t quite discern your intentions, though. whether you just wanted him at arms length or in your arms was just another guessing game he played.

he was aware that the balance of power was always shifting between you two, but at the end of the day, you two were pretty much equals intellectually, keeping things in equilibrium. however, his underlying feelings of attraction threatened to ruin the balance.

as the session continued, you had a satisfied smile. you asked him about unrelated math proofs and got him off track. why did you want to discuss all this when your sessions were usually more focused? something was definitely off.

“well, that was actually everything i wanted to ask about,” you said to him suddenly, packing up swiftly. “i was just going to go if you don’t have anything else.”

he frowned.

no, please don’t.

what was wrong with him?

“unless, you wanted me to stay..” you continued, a smirk on your face. your laptop was closed and all of your study materials were neatly filed away.

you were definitely teasing him, and it was working, your behavior making him somewhat flustered. there was no turning back if he let himself escalate things right now. he could just let you leave—that’s what rational gunwook would do.

fuck it. rational gunwook was not in the room right now.

he reached out and grasped your arm. “and if i did?”

you smirked and stepped towards him. “then i’ll make sure you don’t regret your choice.”

with that, you pressed your lips to his, surprising him. gunwook quickly recovered, his arm snaking around your waist, pulling you in more.

no wonder you booked the session for an hour and a half.

if anyone opens this door, i’m definitely getting kicked out as a tutor. at least these walls are pretty soundproof.

he pulled away for a bit to catch his breath. "wow, did you come here just to kiss me?”

you laughed, gazing at his eyes. "it wasn't only for that, although i'd be happy to do it again. let me clarify. i have feelings for you.”

you continued. “i’ve honestly thought about it. you’re hardworking, and not just in the classroom. when i see you practicing or studying, you dedicate yourself fully, and it inspires me to do the same. you're kind, even to people who don't deserve it. on top of that, you’ve always been a good person to talk to about anything and everything. i trust you.”

“oh, and i guess you’re cute. and hot.”

you added the last part with a small smile. after each reason, he found himself surprised by your sincere words.

gunwook groaned. “y/n, you have no idea how down bad i am. i don't even remember exactly when it started, but what i do know is that i met someone interesting, someone who challenges me and jokes with me. someone who's beautiful in every way. i'm so fucking into you."

he paused, before deciding to tease you a little. "i have a question about one thing, though. you ‘guess’ i’m cute?”

“well, did you want me to say for a fact that you’re cute?” you asked.

he pouted slightly. “would have been better.”

“fine,” you said, taking his hand. “it is an undisputed fact that you’re cute.”

“thank you.”

"and hot."

"i guess so..." you rolled your eyes, an amused grin on your face. “now can we get back to kissing?”

“i was acually trying to be professional, even though i had feelings for you too,” he whispered against your ear. “but since you insist, i’ll give you what you want.”

not wanting to rush despite his boyish excitement, he leaned down and slowly began to kiss you again, running one of his hands gently through your hair. you closed your eyes.

“want you to take control, gunwook,” you said, your breath hot against his skin and your arms wrapping around his neck.

how could he say no? he was so screwed whenever it came to you. wasting no time, he brought your hips closer to his, enjoying the proximity.

he’d never seen you like this, so blissful and carefree. all he wanted to do in this moment was to make sure you kept feeling that way.

he got a small idea.

“hold on, i’m going to lift you,” he said, and you tightened your hold on him, lifting your legs so that they wrapped around his waist. you looked like a koala, hanging on so protectively to him like he was a branch.

you let out a tiny laugh of glee—it was the cutest thing he’s ever heard.

he moved over to a chair, and carefully sat down with you in his arms. your skirt was spread across your lap, contributing to the newfound messiness of your appearance, and your legs dangled off both sides of the chair.

“let me know if you don’t like something,” he said in between kisses. “the last thing i want to do is pressure you.”

“of course,” you responded, squeezing his shoulders reassuringly.

as a surge of newfound confidence rushed through him, his kisses became more intense, trailing down to your collarbone. you tilted your neck slightly to allow him more access to the area.

shit, he was probably the luckiest guy alive right now.

“so beautiful,” he murmured, tracing your chin with one of his hands, “and you’re mine.”

damn, calm down now.

“wow, for someone who’s so sweet, you sure do have a possessive side.”

he winced. “is it too much?”

you laughed and smiled playfully. “not at all. i find it hot.”

that sentence alone sent a warmth through his body.

“that’s good to know,” he replied with a smirk. he was definitely going to do that more often.

soon, his lips found yours again, like a moth to a flame. damn, he could spend all day doing this (if they had no risk of getting caught).

in his pocket, his phone buzzed, and he sighed, looking at the notification.

gyuvin: r u coming to get ice cream with me and ricky? u said ur tutoring thing with ur gf ends at 4:00

the time was 3:44 pm. wow, were they really at it for that long?

gunwook smiled. gyuvin had texted “gf” as a joke, but little did the poor guy know.

“is it something important?” you asked, still on his lap.

he shut off the phone, looking back at you. “it’s gyuvin. during lunch, me, him and ricky made last minute plans to get ice cream—they’re asking me if i still want to come. i should get going soon.”

of course, his feet didn’t want to move.

you looked intrigued. “do they mind a plus one?”

yeah, they're going to tease me the entire time.

“i’ll ask,” he responded, face somewhat warm from embarrassment. "but one of these days, i’ll take you out on a proper date, just us two. you deserve it.”

your eyes lit up, and you smiled. “i’ll hold you to it, gunwook.”

his phone buzzed again.

gyuvin: yea sure bring her, we support

gyuvin: besides i have ricky he's gonna be my bf now

"they said yes," gunwook said, laughing silently at gyuvin's last message. "let's go in 5 minutes?"

you reciprocated, resting your head gently on his shoulder. "any longer and i don't think i could leave."

[kzuhasgf]

in between the lines

pairing — lily morrow x 7th member!reader

you and lily are THE chaotic besties. you can't be seen without each other and are like peas in a pod. what happens when there's a realization?

tags — f!reader (ethnicity friendly), idol!au genre — crack, fluff, ROMANCE (this is sickeningly sweet) word count — 4,840

notes — there's two curse words, reader is ’03 and knows how to cook, I had FUN with this one (I hope you enjoy it too), I WON'T SAY ANY SPOILERS!!

when you became a trainee at jyp, things were fun and exciting, meeting people like you, taking up new experiences, and working hard to fulfill your dream of becoming one of the most talented idols.

of course, that was all enjoyment at first.

trainee life is tiring and excruciating. for one, it takes a lot of time and effort. most of the time, years. it's your top priority to improve, so you must manage training, studying, eating, socializing, sleeping, and taking care of yourself all at once.

sometimes, it was too overwhelming for you.

that is because you had to do all of that, and there was always something to worry about. one second, you would rejoice about passing your monthly evaluation and then hear that your vocals aren't half as good as others who have been here.

when you ace that one challenging choreography your coach assigned to you, yet still compared to one of your seniors.

trainee life was tiring, demeaning, and excruciating.

not until you met lily.

you still remember the first time you saw her, walking into the wrong practice room.

realizing you were in the wrong room, you bowed and apologized profusely, her warmly saying that it was okay and there was nothing to worry about.

the second you made eye contact, something sparked, and that was something you could never describe.

you hadn't interacted with her that much, her being in the more skilled classes of the trainee groups. she was very well known and had been there before you by a long run, so finally seeing her in person made you curious.

"I'm sorry, excuse me,"

"but you're lily, right? I've heard a lot about you."

"oh!" she looked at you wide-eyed, "yes, I am lily. and only good things, I hope." she chuckled nervously, and you gave her a reassuring smile.

"of course. it's all good things,"

you checked your watch and frowned after seeing the minutes that passed. you had practice to get to and didn't want to get scolded by your teacher, so you couldn't stay for so long.

"I'm sorry to cut our conversation short, but I have to go. it's nice to meet you, I hope to see you again!"

"it's okay! see you wherever!" she smiled, and when you left, her eyes stayed on where your figure was far too long than she expected.

and guess what? "see you wherever," you did.

at least the second time you met.

this time, she stumbled upon you alone, in another practice room, at ten pm, on the floor.

you didn't hear her enter, so you lay there, unaware she was in the room. she recognized you by your appearance and by your previous interaction with her. by now, she had forgotten whatever she was planning and instead looked at you in concern.

"are you okay?" you opened your eyes, startled to see her doe ones stare at you from above.

you screamed, "aah!! oh. lily? hey, lily!"

"oh my god! don't scream like that again. it made me scream, too!" she put her hand on her chest.

"I'm sorry!" you said, getting up, your eyes widening as you saw her more clearly now and not be shadowed by herself.

"oh my god, lily."

"why? what's wrong?"

she looked gorgeous.

"wait, why are you even here? it's late, you shouldn't be practicing!" she asked and scolded you, her arms crossed and her eyebrows furrowed.

"oh, don't worry, I wasn't training. I was only lying on the floor, questioning things in my life," you answered her honestly, catching her off guard.

"oh. then, what were you thinking about?"

"hmm... well, I was thinking of important things to ones that weren't. like how my family is doing, if I'm good enough to be an idol, what song I should listen to before I sleep, or what I should eat tomorrow. all random stuff." you shrugged your shoulders, spacing out and looking at a wall.

"hey, what is this that I'm hearing?!"

you looked at her in surprise.

"you're good enough to be an idol. more than enough, actually. I even heard from other trainees that you're our new ace. that's not something you hear every day! I got interested in you."

your eyes lit up visibly.

"oh, wait, really? you got interested in me too?"

"too?" she questioned you.

"I, wait—"

"it's okay, y/n." she laughed, throwing her head back, smiling up to her eyes. your heart raced.

"you're so cute."

you can't stop yourself from staring.

"what you said a while ago about not knowing what song you wanted to listen to at night,"

she added, "I have a few songs in mind. do you want me to play it for you?" after nodding, she quickly walked to where the TV was, searching on youtube and playing an upbeat song.

she walked back to you with her brow raised, and she gave you a small smile, reaching her hand out to you.

you thought, if she looked this good with a messy bun and baggy clothes, how would she look when dressed up flawlessly?

"do you wanna sing for a bit? it's nothing intense, only a couple of songs."

your lips parted, eager to give her an answer—

"and, maybe after, I can show you some of the snacks I eat at the cafeteria."

your whole world stopped.

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you and lily couldn't ever seem to be apart.

after that night, you both became closer. in some way, it was inevitable. you two just seemed to match each other so well.

it was routine for both of you to eat meals together, practice together, hang out and go places, and be at each other's dorms.

you both were best friends.

the best of friends.

chaotic ones, at that.

she brightened up your days the same way you did with hers. when you needed a should to cry on, she was always there, and you did the same for her, too.

lily always managed to bring you up on your worst days.

you often didn't think when she was around. it was as if your mind went blank, and all you could think about was her. you didn't care what other people thought as long as you both had fun.

you both did what your hearts desired, regardless of who or what was there.

that explains why you were so chaotic together.

so when you two were announced to be part of the pre-debut lineup and upcoming group of jyp, you both screamed and jumped in happiness.

hearing the news along with the other girls of jypn, you turned to her and screamed, holding her hands in joy.

"OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD, LILY, WE DID IT. WE MADE IT!!" screaming, you started hugging her, jumping.

still in shock, lily gave you the biggest smile she could muster and started screaming and jumping with you, holding your hands tighter.

"OH MY GOD, Y/N, YES, WE DID IT!"

the announcer looked at you both questioningly while the girls could only look away in embarrassment.

"don't mind them, please." haewon smiled at them apologetically.

"o...kay. alright then. that's all for today, thank you. and congratulations. you may celebrate." they said and quickly left.

you and lily were so occupied that it took you a minute before noticing the announcer was gone. you both started giggling and pointing at each other, leaving the others confused. bae couldn't handle your weirdness and called you two out.

"just to let you guys know, you're both freaks." haewon burst out in laughter, clutching her stomach. you poked your tongue out at her, and lily doubled up in laughter.

"it's okay, lily. they're just jealous of our super glue-bonded relationship."

"super glue-bonded?!" lily exclaimed and looked at you with wide eyes, and you laughed heartily, bringing her closer and patting her back.

"you guys are so entertaining." kyujin stared at you both in astonishment.

"okay now, don't even try looking at them." haewon covered kyujin's eyes, turning her away and making her whine.

"why, unnie?!"

"I'm doing this to protect you!"

you scoffed and crossed your arms as you looked at her, fake disgust. "what an asshole, honestly," you said quietly enough, only for lily to hear. you shook your head as your best friend snorted and covered her mouth, trying to hide her laughter.

you grinned widely, proud.

you loved adored seeing her this happy.

"trying to hide her laughter," but ultimately failing.

but you didn't mind. as long as you got to see your best friend like this.

"she... she called you an asshole!"

your jaw fell in surprise.

"LILY—?!"

okay, maybe you did mind.

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nmixx had been around for more than a year now, and you were all playing a folk tale mafia game, trying to find who the nine-tailed fox was.

the goal of this game was actually the least of your worries. you were trying to distract yourself from what close proximity you had with lily.

and you rather eat high-quality food than focus on what's happening (except for the girl you were beside).

everyone started telling their roles, and you lightly smiled when it was lily's turn.

"I'm... a subject.

"what?" you mumbled to her in surprise, your mouth full of food.

"hey, don't eat with your mouth full," she frowned and when you finished chewing, she took a tissue and wiped your mouth, leaning closer to you.

"I— thank you," you said quietly, looking down.

your heart ached. and you didn't know if it was in a good or bad way.

"yah, you're the only one who hasn't said anything about your role yet," haewon said.

"yeah, and she's being super quiet. that isn't normal!" jiwoo pointed at you in accusation.

"hey, what the fuck? I haven't even checked my bowl yet!" you threw your arms out in exasperation.

"language," haewon said and looked at you pointedly.

"sorry." you apologized quickly.

"oh my god, unnie, are you that hungry? your bowl's almost half finished!" jiwoo laughed, smacking jinni on the back, who groaned, and you huffed, pouting in response.

"or maybe the food's just that good," lily countered, crossing her arms and looking at jiwoo.

"oh, aren't you so cute?" lily cooed and squished your cheeks, your pout instantly fading away.

"thank you, lily," you said with a small smile, chuckling and holding her hand on your cheek.

she did nothing but look at you with wide eyes.

after your leader's nagging, you finally relented, moving the rice left in your bowl aside, eyebrows raising at the role given to you.

"I'm... a doctor."

"what?!" the maknae almost screamed in surprise.

"y/n!! you're not supposed to say that!" lily panickedly waved her arms at you.

"oh, huh?" you said dumbfoundedly, and the girls began laughing. you, scratching the back of your neck, decided to join along.

you lied. you weren't a doctor, just a regular citizen.

but, you thought, if you tricked them into killing you, you could watch the game as an observer (not to tell lily answers) and eat as much food as you wanted. the plan was good in your eyes!

adding to that, you were also... decent in acting.

and so, the plan commenced.

the nine-tailed fox was now going to choose who to kill.

everyone closed their eyes, and after waiting, it was revealed...

that you were chosen to be killed.

"I'M A CITIZEN!! GET TRICKED, IDIOTS," you yelled, clapping and laughing at everyone. the staff began laughing, finding it amusing.

the girls could only stare in disbelief as you grabbed your bowl and showed them you were a citizen.

"boo hoo, you killed an innocent!"

you smiled happily and got a spoon, taking food out of the pan.

"y/n... did you really just," lily looked at you expectantly, already knowing what you did.

"shh, lily, they don't need to know." you whispered and winked at her, putting your finger on her lips, her mouth dropping in shock.

she's blushing.

"you know, unnie, if you're killed, you can't eat the food." bae teased, poking your side.

"okay." you shrugged, continuing to eat.

you blinked.

"WAIT, WHAT?!"

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you and the girls were preparing for your "love me like this" comeback, filming different takes for your stage practice.

everything seemed to be in order. you all were singing perfectly and managed to perform flawlessly. it was the same with your dance moves and stage presence.

it only took three hours because haewon wanted you all to ace it.

when everyone decided to rest, you drank water and lay on the floor, eyes closing.

you were exhausted, but you had fun. you often made faces when you weren't seen on camera, making the girls enjoy, too. you sat up, and from where you were, you could see them talking to each other, off in their own worlds.

except for lily.

she sat alone, hugging herself and resting her chin on her knees. you were concerned as you watched her, wondering what was wrong.

lily has been upset since yesterday morning. when you asked her, she didn't explain why and refused to tell you, not looking you in the eye.

even hugging her or holding her hand didn't work, which shocked you.

after your futile attempts, you decided to leave her be, telling her you were there for her whenever she needed you.

you thought you could both hang out and do things together as usual, but you guess she thought otherwise.

cause every time you approached her, she just walked away.

and that puzzled you to no end.

you didn't mind her not telling you what upset her because you wanted her to share it when she was ready. but her not even looking at you and walking in the opposite direction of where you were?

it made you think something went terribly wrong.

you stood up and went to her, an anxious look on your face. you really hoped she wouldn't walk away this time.

but, unfortunately for you, she noticed you walking toward her, and she quickly excused herself to the bathroom, her head down, shadowing her face.

you didn't even get the chance to get a word out.

haewon, who was nearby, looked at her worriedly, gathering her stuff before running out.

you could only look at her walking away, disheartened.

your members also knew something was up. they noticed lily's behavior and tried investigating it themselves but ended up with nothing. being the closest person to her, they had to ask you what was going on.

"I don't know, jinsol, I really don't know. she isn't telling me anything, and I'm just as left in the dark as you are."

bae looked at you in surprise. "oh? you don't know why?"

she recomposed herself, "all right. it's okay, unnie. thank you for helping. we hope lily unnie feels better soon."

you agreed, and after she walked back to jiwoo and kyujin, you slumped in your seat, frowning and sighing, feeling more lost than ever.

her reaction didn't help either.

the last time you couldn't talk to her for this long was when she had to return to her family for an emergency.

you didn't know what to do. you felt weird, and strangely enough, it felt empty without lily.

you didn't want to assume, but it seemed like she was avoiding you.

you weighed out the possibilities, and she might need some space, but she seemed to get along with everyone else just fine.

she even tried helping with the laundry last night but settled for washing the dishes instead.

she even went to haewon's room last night.

wait, she... went to haewon's room last night?

you couldn't linger in your thoughts any longer since someone sat beside you unexpectedly.

"…yoona?"

"y/n, I need to ask you something."

you and yoona were particularly close, so you didn't mind when she didn't use formalities. but because you were always with Lily, you never got to be as close to her as you had hoped.

"sure, yoona, what is it?"

"are you sure that lily unnie hasn't told you anything? like seriously, anything?"

you looked at her curiously. "well, from what I can recall, no. but I told her I would be there for her no matter what."

"hmm, okay. did you know that haewon unnie knows why lily unnie's acting this way?"

"wait, what?"

"mhm. I asked her, but she said it wasn't her place to say. I just wanted to let you know."

your stomach dropped.

"oh… okay. that's alright. thanks, yoona."

she nodded and hugged you, before walking away.

you sat there for god knows how long.

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"unnie!"

when you noticed the youngest leaning over to you, interested in what you were boiling, you turned like a deer caught in headlights. you sighed in relief when you realized the knife wasn't close to your fingers.

"kyu, you almost made me cut my finger."

her smile faded, and she quickly apologized. she started pouting, feeling bad.

"it's okay, baby. nothing happened, see?"

"still, I'm sorry!"

the urge to baby her was powerful. she'd probably whine over it, though.

even if you wanted to, you couldn't. you were chopping vegetables because it was your turn to cook dinner tonight.

whenever you did, kyujin had a habit of watching you because you were the only one in the group who knew how to cook meals, unlike the others who only knew how to cook ramen and eggs.

"what are you making, unnie?" she tilted her head, looking up at you.

you chuckled, "ah, well, I'm making sundubu-jjigae."

"ooh, don't make it too spicy, please!"

"of course! how cute our maknae is~"

you ended up babying her, anyways.

since kyujin didn't know how to cook, like the rest of nmixx, she ended up sitting on the couch and playing games on her phone. you wiped your hands and leaned against the counter, checking the time on your watch. it was past seven pm.

dinner would take about an hour to be ready, so all you had to do was wait. you and the girls wanted to sleep before nine o'clock because you had a performance at music bank the next day.

you looked up when you heard someone clear their throat near you. you felt a pang of fear when you saw that it was lily.

"lily."

you tried to hide your nervousness by leaning even more against the counter. lily appeared to feel the same way as she averted her gaze and fidgeted with her fingers.

kyujin, seeing the situation firsthand, had her jaw dropped as she walked away from the couch, making sure you noticed before hiding in the hallway to listen in on your conversation.

the awkward silence was deafening. you eventually relaxed and stared directly at lily. her eyes were filled with conflict. it's not unusual to see her acting this way cause it's something you've seen a million times.

you were just nervous and scared because you believed she was acting this way because of something you did.

"lily... how are you doing? are you okay?"

you said softly, giving her a welcoming smile. you glanced down and noticed her palms were sweaty from how she was repeatedly wiping her hands on her pajamas.

you raised your brow and looked at her, seeing her biting her bottom lip.

"I— y/n. can I talk to you?"

"we're talking, aren't we?"

"please."

she closed her eyes and took deep breaths in and out, putting her hand on her chest. you showed visible concern. lily was rarely ever this serious. you approached her and gently took her hand in yours.

"lily, what's wrong? I'm here to listen, please."

she stared into your eyes, and you could feel her trembling. she turned her head and covered her face, her other hand still holding yours.

"lily..."

"y/n, you know you're my best friend, right?" you hummed in response. She slowly turned back to you with pink cheeks.

"I tell you almost everything. anything and everything,"

she broke eye contact again, preferring to stare at the fridge rather than look into your eyes, swirling with emotion.

"but that's exactly why I couldn't tell you this."

"I'm sorry for not hanging out or talking to you like we always do. I just needed time to... process how I was feeling."

you nodded, listening to her intently.

"go ahead, lily."

she breathed in once more before letting the truth come out.

"look, y/n, I always thought of you as a best friend and best friend only.

"that is until I rambled to haewon about you, and she thought I had a big big crush on you."

"and that made me feel weird for days."

so that's why she wasn't talking to me?

"...I only started showing it when I saw you hanging out with yoona."

oh.

"wait, what?" 

"let me explain!"

she stepped closer, awkwardly holding your arms in an attempt to be firm.

"you always stayed by my side, and me only. it's weird, y/n. no, not that! I mean, um, how I feel about it." she said and whispered, "and how I feel with the things you do."

you cocked your head like a confused puppy.

"awe shit, I didn't hear that."

"what are you doing?" haewon walked over to kyujin with her eyebrows furrowed, hands on her hips after hearing the maknae curse.

"has y/n really been teaching you how to curse? I'm so! going to scold her—" she said almost too loudly, making kyujin panic.

"quiet, unnie! look."

she peeked her head out of the doorway, eyes widening when she saw you and lily close together.

"okay, y/n, I know this is already a mess, but please hear me out."

"when you hold or hug me, I feel so— I don't know. like my whole body goes warm. I can never stop it."

"when you grab my hand or do that little thing where you caress it when I'm nervous, I—I feel like I'm gonna explode!"

"when I feel insecure, and you compliment me to make me feel better, I feel like the only girl you see in this world."

"and that terrifies me, y/n. because you're... my best friend. I shouldn't be feeling this way for you."

"but I can't help it. I really can't help it."

"especially when I saw you and yoona being so close together."

"I didn't take lily unnie to be the jealous type," bae said.

"when did you get here?!" haewon exclaimed, startled.

"it made my entire being feel like I was being soaked underwater, and I couldn't breathe. if, if that even makes sense..."

"it does, don't worry." you reassured her.

"but it also felt like it was... burning? Like I was burning."

"when I talked to haewon about you, I felt so conflicted. I thought, why would I ever have a crush on you? you're y/n."

ouch.

"but then, I realized you're also the y/n who's been there for me through thick and thin. the y/n who makes me smile effortlessly and wipes my tears away whenever I'm being extra emotional on a difficult day."

"the one who never judges me and has stuck by my side even though I'm probably annoying to you."

"you're the y/n who fits me perfectly, and no matter what happens, every memory I have with you has been sweet, heartwarming, and happy."

"looking back at the past and what we've been through together over the years has changed the way I look at you, and it makes me feel... I'm not sure how to describe it."

she pondered in thought, and her expression lit up.

"hey, remember when the netizens bashed me for being too honest on a live and how I should just keep my mouth shut?"

"you were so angry when the management team couldn't do anything about it that you wanted to personally go to the jyp building and confront them there."

"ugh, yes, I remember that," you groaned and covered your face with your hands in embarrassment while she chuckled and grabbed them away.

"I don't think anyone would have stopped you if haewon didn't drag you to your room." she whispered and teased, staring at you in amusement as you nodded her off, grumbling about the incident.

"I was even willing to riot online... bastards." you mumbled.

"what was that?"

"it's nothing!"

she giggled at your words, "oh, you're so silly."

"y/n, you made me realize you're not just my best friend. you're something else to me, something so much more, and something friends shouldn't ever feel for each other."

"and I resented myself for quite a while. until I realized it wasn't wrong, I was only scared of ruining our friendship."

"so, that's why I'm here to declare it. I'm going to say it, y/n. are you ready? tell me you're ready." her voice echoed throughout the kitchen and living room, and you laughed at her antics.

"lily..." you shook your head, heart beating faster. you gestured to her in encouragement. "I'm ready."

she held your hands and smiled at you wholeheartedly.

"I like you, y/n. I like you so much."

"oh my god!! she did it!"

"she actually said it?!"

"lily... I."

she leaned forward, eyes sparkling with hope.

"you...?"

"I—..."

"I..."

"..."

"...?"

"hey, wait, you're doing this on purpose!!"

when she saw you laughing again, her expression fell, making her pout and whine, looking at you disgruntled.

"I'm being serious here! do you like me, or do you not—"

you cut her off, "god, you're so cute,"

she blushed, her eyes widening, and her face fired up to different shades of red, quite flustered.

you moved closer, your gaze locked on hers. you placed your hands on lily's waist, causing her to freeze, unsure of what to do.

you smiled and grabbed her hands, putting them on your shoulders.

"there we go."

she stared up at you, looking at you with trustful eyes.

"lily, may I kiss you?"

"I—..." she stared at you in surprise. "yes. you may kiss me, y/n."

you tilted your head, glancing at her lips to her eyes. she tried shying away, but you laughed and stopped teasing, softly kissing her lips.

it was innocent and sweet. you could sense lily's nerves as she stood stiffly. you eased her by moving your mouth against hers.

she melted into the kiss, her hands clasped around your neck. you pulled her closer than before, your hands now grasping her lower back, and you completely surrendered yourself to her, the woman who had you from the start, lily.

you caressed her sides, making her squirm and squeal. you chuckled as you broke away from the kiss, seeing her amazed and stunned, standing there dumbfounded.

"oh, my god."

you both took deep breaths, your foreheads touching. lily took your breath away in many ways. she was so hypnotizing. everything about her managed to lure you in.

"y/n... that was... so... wow."

"wow. wow, indeed."

every. single. time.

whether it was this kiss, a sleepover in her room, or another run to the convenience store in the middle of the night,

she always drew you in. always.

she giggled, staring at you adoringly.

"y/n... does that mean we're dating now? am I your girlfriend?"

you blinked and stared at her dumbly.

"lily... yes, you are my girlfriend."

if you could do a replay in real-time, you'd want it to replay this moment over and over.

the way she crashed into your body, hugging you tightly and squeezing you with all her might.

"thank you, y/n." she whispered into your neck.

the way your members cheered and ran out of the hallway, not caring to hide anymore.

the way you felt when you held her.

"of course, lily." I might even love you.

the way you felt, at that moment, when your long-time best friend and the love of your life loved you the same.

your heart ached.

and, in between the lines, you knew it was in a good way.

"...y/n, am I a good kisser?"

"oh, come on, lily."

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

bonus!

"Hey, so you and Lily unnie, huh?"

you stared at your phone in shock, not expecting a notification from jinni late at night.

"yunjin? how are you? how did you know,"

she typed her message, and when she sent it, you scoffed in disbelief. but not so much in surprise.

"Yoona." "I expected it, honestly. I could see you two get together from a mile away!"

"she's still updating you a lot, I see?"

"Who else would be doing it? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

you chuckled, typing a response back.

"i hope you two last long."

"You too, unnie."

"I miss you. tell her I miss her, too."

she added, "I guess Lily unnie as well..."

"don't let her see that." you laughed, already missing your former member.

"ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"

"See you whenever I see you, unnie. I love you."

"i love you too."

see you, jinni.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

ending notes — I have roller coaster on repeat (also idk if that bashing thing actually happened I just made it up) I lowkey feel like I trashed this, PLS tell me what you think

[inkabelledesigns]

This trend of drawing Hatsune Miku from a variety of cultures has me thinking about many things. Like old doll collabs where people rendered her different outfits in doll custom form. But it also has me wondering how I can participate. Like, I've never drawn Miku before, but I'd like to try to. But I'm very insistent on staying anonymous, so I can't really draw her where I'm from if I want to post it. But I almost wonder if maybe, my way of doing this could be pulling from a time instead of a place.

What did fashion look like back when I was at the height of my Vocaloid phase? Gosh, when was that? I was a middle schooler back then. My own fashion was not great, but I had fun. XD I had an extensive phase of wearing colorful bandannas in my hair then (the pink cupcake one got so much use). I remember going to my very first convention with a Miku shirt on. One of my best friends introduced me to a form of larping, there was dancing to anime music, very sweet vendors, it was an interesting day. I wonder if that might be fun, drawing Miku tied to memories I have of where I was when I was into her and all her friends. This same friend and I look nothing alike, but for school spirit week, we dressed up for twin day together, like twice. One year I made us custom Vocaloid shirts with my newly acquired Photoshop and iron on transfer skills. X'''D They were so cheesy, but I remember being so excited. They were Rin and Len Kagamine themed, because they're twins and Len was my favorite. And I put the 02 from their arms onto the sleeves of each shirt. Theirs was positioned the same as Rin's, and mine was on the same side as Len's. It meant a lot at the time. It's just the sort of fun, slightly cringy thing you expect a middle schooler to do after learning you can customize stuff like that. XD I miss when I made my own shirts like that a little bit.

Vocaloid music fueled a lot of my love for art at the same time I drew Sonic fan art. I listened to it a lot as I drew. Okay, so like, I was supposed to meet with the school social worker once a week as part of my 504 plan, but she often ditched me, so most weeks I just had a private study hall in that office. Well, my global history teacher popped in at some point, and I was just sitting there doodling after having finished my homework. And I don't know why he said this, maybe I had pigtails in that day, or maybe I was smiling a lot, but he seemed very content as he said I looked like the girl on my shirt, which was that same Miku shirt. And I smiled and thanked him, but I never really got what he saw. I'm the furthest thing from a svelte hologram idol with teal eyes and long hair (hell, I had a really short bob for most of that time, it was my goal to look like Xion from Kingdom Hearts). But I guess, looking back on it, maybe I looked happy like Miku does. And what a nice compliment to get, for someone to think you look happy while creating. I was very happy. I think I was drawing my DJ character at the time, Drizzle Drop. I don't think I've ever posted her online. Maybe I ought to. XD She had a lot of blue in her palette, kinda like Miku, but not the same shade.

I dunno what I'll do with any of this, if I even have the energy to draw Miku, but it sure does make me smile to think about the time I enjoyed a lot of Vocaloid. Maybe I ought to turn the old playlist back on today.

[engie-ivy]

(This fic was inspired by @wolfstarmicrofic's Once Upon a Fairytale-theme, but at 5240 words it became far from a microfic😅 (so no need to reblog it!)

I'm actually really happy with how this fic turned out! It contains all those things that I love; Hurt Sirius and Protective and Worried James and Remus, plus a happy (fairytale) ending.

There's implied child abuse and an almost character death, but I promise, happy ending!)

When he was just a child, Prince Sirius was made to vow that he would never fall in love with someone of impure blood. Little did he know at that age that love isn't always a choice, that love is something that can just happen to you.

And when it does happen to Sirius, the consequences of breaking that vow are grave.

A Prince's Promise

(A Wolfstar fairytale)

Once upon a time, there was a young prince.

Now, this young prince didn’t fancy being a prince very much. His days were filled with stuffy parties, strict protocols, and tedious teachers lecturing him about boring matters.

Most lectures were about the prestige of his family, and why it were they that were meant to rule.

“You see, Sirius, our family has always done the most to keep our bloodline pure, and this has given us a very direct line to the Ancient Ones, our ancestors who were able to utilize magical powers. Therefore, we are one of the few families who still have traces of that old magic flowing through their veins. Our family still possesses ancient artefacts forged by the Ancient Ones that can still access and make use of this inherent magic, so that only one of the purest Black Blood can use them.”

Six-year-old Prince Sirius nods obediently, even though he does not quite understand everything his father is saying. Usually, when King Orion summons him to his study, it is to scold and punish him, so merely receiving another lecture on blood purity is a relief.

“So, you see, my son,” King Orion continues. “It is of the utmost importance we keep our bloodline pure.”

Sirius nods again, though his mind has already drifted off to dinner, and whether there will be rice pudding pie as dessert.

“And do you know how to do that, Sirius?”

Sirius gives a start at being asked a direct question. Usually, he can get away with just looking solemn and nodding at the right moment during these lectures. “I… No, father. I do not.”

Sirius, assuming this will lead to the feared punishment after all, and flinches when his father leans forward, but King Orion just smiles, a very rare sight.

“It is alright, my son. You are very young, so it is only natural you do not know of these things, but therefore, you must pay close attention now. You see, what you must do, is make a vow that you will never fall in love with someone of impure blood.” King Orion looks at Sirius intently. “Can you do that, son?”

Now, at only six years old, Sirius doesn’t understand the difference between those with pure blood and those with impure blood, not really. He knows that ‘pureblood’ is used to refer to the ones wearing stuffy clothes at stuffy formal gatherings, who must wear a bored, haughty expression whenever they are in public, and look down their noses at everyone. The ones like himself, his little brother and their cousins. He knows that ‘impure’ is used to refer to the children in the kitchens and in the stables, who run around, laugh and cause mischief.

For that matter, Sirius also does not understand what falling in love means. Only having the king and queen as example, all he knows is that it means you move into a castle with someone and attend draining social events together while barely sparing each other a glance. The children of impure blood are so lucky and have such exciting lives! Chasing each other, playing with the animals on the farms, climbing trees in the forest. Why on earth would Sirius ever force them into the same controlled, suffocating live as he is living by being so cruel as to fall in love with them?

At only six years old, Sirius has no idea that love isn’t always a choice you make, but something that can happen to you whether you want it or not.

“Yes, father,” Sirius says. “I vow that I won’t.”

“Good.” There is something sinister in King Orion’s voice that makes Sirius involuntarily shiver. King Orion takes off one of his velvet gloves and wraps his hand around some sort of rod. Sirius would swear that for a second, he sees a strange sort of glow around the rod the moment his father’s skin touches the strange material. King Orion holds the rod out to Sirius. “This is an Oath Rod,” he says. “Any vow spoken by one who has the magic of the Ancient Ones coursing through their veins while holding the Oath Rod, will be an Unbreakable Vow. I need you to make your vow on the Oath Rod.”

Sirius hesitates, an undefinable feeling of wrongness coming over him. “I… I don’t know…”

King Orion tilts his head and there’s a hint of something dangerous in his voice as he speaks. “My boy. You were not planning on breaking your vow, the vow of a prince, now were you?”

Sirius quickly shakes his head, and his father smiles.

“Well then, no need to worry about making it an Unbreakable Vow then, is there?”

Sirius bites his lip, and then slowly shakes his head again.

“Go on then.”

Sirius knows it feels wrong, but he doesn’t know why. He doesn’t know what consequences placing such a weighty oath on the shoulders of someone so young can have, but he does know that he’s hungry, and he doesn’t want to be send to his chambers on an empty stomach, and he does know how inexorable his father’s fists can be.

Hesitantly, Sirius reaches out and places his hand on the rod. The strange glow appears and immediately disappears again, and this time, it is paired with a strange warmth connecting Sirius’ hand to the rod, and somehow to his father’s hand.

King Orion looks at him patiently, but Sirius has known his father long enough to see that that patience is a veil wearing very thin.

“I vow that I will never fall in love with someone of impure blood.” Sirius’ voice is shaky and unsure, but the effect is immediate. A tingling feeling creeps into the hand holding the rod, seeps into his veins, courses through his blood, ones, twice, three times, encompassing him, taking over every part of his being, leaving him breathless, and then… it’s gone.

Sirius is gasping for air, trying to catch his breath, as King Orion puts his glove back on and places the now so plain seeming rod back into his drawer.

“Very well. Now, let us go to the dining room.” He speaks as if nothing happened.

As if Prince Sirius did not just seal his own fate.

As Prince Sirius grows older, the memory of his vow grows more and more distant. The whole kingdom agrees that the young prince gets more handsome every day, and has turned into a clever and brave young man. King Orion and Queen Walburga, however, mostly see that he gets more stubborn every day, and more inclined to question their rule.

And it is true.

The better Sirius’ understanding of the world becomes, the clearer he can see the injustice in the way his parents treat their people. How all opportunities are given to the high society, the pureblood class, how the lower classes do not have access to proper education or qualify for high-ranking jobs, and how the poor stay poor while the rich get richer.

He clashes with King Orion more and more often, and instead of fear, his father’s violence and threats only install a sort of fierce determination in him.

The situation between Sirius and his family is quickly becoming unmaintainable.

That is the only reason why Queen Walburga takes Lady Euphemia’s offer into any real consideration.

In het letter to the royal family, Lady Euphemia offers for Prince Sirius comes to stay at the Potter estate for a while. According to her, based on their few brief meetings at social functions, the young prince and Lord Fleamont and Lady Euphemia’s only son and heir James Potter seemed to get along well, and it might be beneficial to both boys’ development to spend time with a peer.

Now, Queen Walburga isn’t fond of the Potter family. They have acquired most of their fortune through trade, instead of it being passed from generation to generation, and they are a type of new money who do not always adhere to the traditions the Blacks value so much.

But the Potters do have a talent for making themselves renown and influential. They gather the best intellectuals, philosophers, artists, writers and swordsmen around them, and noble families from all over the realm are keen to send their sons to the Potter estate for some period of time, so that they can receive lessons in politics, strategic warfare, literature, poetry, ballet, archery, swordsmanship, and what else a boy must learn to become a proper young nobleman.

It would not seem suspicious for King Orion and Queen Walburga to send their son away from court to spend some time furthering his education at the Potter estate, and the fact that no one would question it, is perhaps the most important factor weighing on favour of the idea. If talk starts to spread around court, talk that there is a rift between Prince Sirius and King Orion, overly ambitious lords awaiting their chance could see the defiant young prince as the perfect opportunity. A handsome, charismatic, young prince with a direct and strong claim to the throne, whom they can convince people to rally behind and, not knowing how strong-willed their prince is, whom they think they can use as their pawn to overthrow the king.

No, it is much better if the tensions between Prince Sirius and King Orion are kept quiet, and sending Sirius to a far-away estate seems like the best option, especially when a young man going to the Potter estate for educational purpose will not raise any suspicions.

That’s how, at sixteen years old, Prince Sirius goes to live at the Potter estate.

He’s nervous, because yes, during the brief conversations he has had with James Potter, they seemed to connect, but briefly running into each other at one of the events they were forced to attend is quite different than actually living together.

As Sirius steps out of his carriage, though, James walks up to him with a huge grin on his face and wraps Sirius in a firm hug, and somehow, despite being so unfamiliar with the feeling of being hugged, Sirius’ nerves dissipate. From that moment on, it’s like James and he have known each other their whole lives, and they instantly become brothers.

That day is also the day Sirius meets Remus Lupin.

Sirius had not, could never have, expected Remus Lupin. He did not know someone like Remus Lupin could even exist. Remus Lupin’s mother is the head of the household for Lady Euphemia, and his father works in the Potters’ stables, so Remus grew up in and around the Potter estate. He has known James his whole life, and they also share a brotherly bond, something that would’ve been impossible at the castle Sirius grew up in, due to their difference in class and status. Since James sees them as his two brothers, perhaps it would’ve made sense for Sirius and Remus to see each other as brothers as well, but as their eyes meet for the first time, right from the very start, for some reason, it never feels like that.

Not that Sirius doesn’t like Remus. On the contrary, he thinks Remus is incredible.

Remus is kind and clever, and he has this calming presence that makes everyone feel at ease around him. Remus knows everything about everyone, and he can get anything done. A feat he and James have often used for mischief making. Because you might not suspect it when you first see him, but Remus has a mischievous, adventurous side to him, and a wicked sense of humour.

Sirius is mesmerized by this unlikely combination. Especially with the way Remus approaches him, an open curiosity and an inquiring gaze, so different from the people living in and around King Orion’s castle, who lower their eyes and duck their heads as soon as Sirius approaches. Especially considering the circles Sirius usually moves in, Remus is so unlike anyone he has ever met.

They hang out with the three of them together a lot, they pull pranks and get up to some mischief. When they get caught once for having switched all spices in the kitchen, so that the pie tastes salty, the potatoes taste sweet, the soup tastes like cinnamon and the puff pastry rolls taste like pepper, Sirius braces himself for shouting, a switching and a day locked in his chamber without food, but Lady Euphemia just ruffles their hair as she smiles indulgently.

“My bunch of marauders. Always up to no good, aren’t you?” She says fondly, before continuing on her way to the gardens.

James laughs, which turns to surprise seeing how tense Sirius has gotten. That’s when Sirius fully realises that he’s safe here, he only has to be himself here, and the tension slides off of him. He’s home here.

James has to spend more and more time with his father, learning all the tasks that come with being Lord Potter and running the Potter estate. Plus, he’s getting more and more preoccupied with the youngest daughter of a respected pharmacist in town, a beautiful red-headed girl, much to the delight of his parents, who call the girl a fine young lady and an excellent match, which is much to Sirius’ shock, as the girl isn’t even upper class. Growing up, Sirius could never understand why someone’s descant matters so much, and now he knows why he couldn’t: because it doesn’t. And why should it? The girl, who simply goes by Lily, has a sharp mind and a fierce character, and Sirius likes her.

With James being increasingly busy, Sirius and Remus end up spending a lot of time together.

Remus shows Sirius around in the stables, where Sirius, without anyone sneering at him to stay away from those filthy animals, finally gets to drop down on his knees and give ear scratches, pets and hugs to the happy, tail-wagging dogs running up to him and jumping up against him.

It is quite possibly the best moment of his life.

When he looks up and sees Remus looking at him with a strange look on his face that Sirius can’t quite decipher, their eyes meet, and Remus gives him a small smile that Sirius returns, the moment only gets better.

Remus takes him out riding to show him the surroundings. Not like Sirius is used to: ‘and this is the estate of Lord So-And-So, who married Lady This-And-That, the widow of That Other Lord, who left her this amount of money after his passing, and now with Lord So-And-So, her estimated fortune is this much’. No, Remus takes him over well hidden trials through the woods, and shows him the trees he used to climb as a kid, the creek his father takes him fishing, the clearing where, early in the morning, you might see a group of wild hogs, and the hilltop from where you have the best view of the sunset. Sirius enjoys every minute of it.

During that first, blissful time of living with at the Potter Estate, everything is perfect.

Until Sirius starts getting ill.

The first time it happens is actually after a day of riding with Remus. They had made their horses gallop over the hilltops, stopped at a meadow full of flowers for a picnic, and had returned to the estate, tired, but content.

Sirius is trying to unsaddle his horse and remove his bridle, but he’s not making much progress, as the horse keeps pushing his nose against Sirius’ face, and Remus comes to help him.

Sirius chuckles as the hoarse nuzzles his cheek. “He has taken quite a liking to me.”

He reaches for the strap of the bridle, but as the horse is blocking his view, he accidentally places his hand on top of Remus’. As their hands touch, they look up, and their eyes meet. The air around them feels charged for a reason Sirius cannot define, and he feels his breath catch.

After a moment, Remus smiles. “He’s not the only one,” he says softly.

Sirius feels a tug at his heart, and something shift inside him, before slotting into place.

As he opens his mouth to speak, however, a wave of nausea rushes over him and he doubles over in pain, pressing his hands to his stomach.

“Sirius?” Remus asks worriedly as he rushes over to him. “Are you okay?”

Sirius stands up and gives him a weak smile. “I’m okay. Just... feeling a bit off. I should return to my chambers and retire early tonight.”

“Go ahead then,” Remus says. “I will finish taking care of the horse.”

Sirius gives him a grateful smile and turns to walk away.

“Sirius?”

He stops and looks back at Remus.

“I had a really good time today,” Remus says, sounding a bit uncertain for the first time since Sirius has known him.

Sirius smiles. “Yeah, me too.”

He has to quickly turn around and walk away before he gets sick in front of Remus, as another wave of nausea hits him.

The next morning, Sirius walks into the dining hall for breakfast, trying to go about his day, even though he’s still not feeling great.

However, Lady Euphemia takes one look at him, pale damp skin, but with glowing cheeks, and sends him back to his chambers. “Rest, darling. If you sleep it off now, you’ll be fit as a fiddle again tomorrow!”

He isn’t.

The next morning, Sirius only feels worse. His skin is damp and sweaty, his muscle ache, and he’s taking heavy breaths. The Potters’ personal physician checks up on him, and concludes it’s a serious fever, possibly the flu, but that a young and strong man such as the prince will sweat it out and sleep it off, and he will already feel much better in just a matter of days.

He doesn’t.

His condition only deteriorates. Often, he’s in a feverish, barely lucid state, he can hardly hold food down, his whole body hurts, and he just lies in bed taking raspy breaths until he falls asleep from exhaustion.

The Potters send for doctors, healers, nurses, medicine women and men, anyone who might be able to help. They try different herbs and powders, unfamiliar foods, ice baths, steam baths, but nothing works and no one can figure out why.

The Potters have no choice but to send a courier to carry a letter with great urgency to King Orion and Queen Walburga, informing them of their son’s worrisome condition. They respond with the heartfelt reply that since Prince Sirius has fallen ill while being in their care, they’ll have to cover the medical costs.

Meanwhile, James and Remus hardly leave Sirius’ side. James will pace the room and tell Sirius a million stories to distract him from the pain and discomfort. Remus will just sit by his bed and hold his hand, or read to him from his favourite books.

It’s a nurse from a local school, Poppy Pomfrey, called upon by the Potters in another desperate attempt, who is the first who finally dares to say it out loud: “That boy is dying.”

While the distraught Lord Fleamont and Lady Euphemia start to realize there’s nothing they can do for the boy but wait for the end, James and Remus simply refuse to accept it. “The dogs are really missing you, we should take them for a long walk once you’re better!” “There’s this great bookstore in town, I’ll take you there once you’re feeling well again.” “The cook baked this amazing cake, as soon as you’re recovered, you should ask her to make it again.” “I’ve got some amazing ideas for pranks for once you’re all better again.”

When Sirius is having a more lucid moment, he looks over at Remus sitting by his bedside, listens to the soothing sound of his voice as he reads to him, and takes in the soft golden of his eyes illuminated by the sunlight streaming through the window. ‘At least I got to have this,’ he thinks to himself. ‘If this is going to be the end, at least I got to have this. At least, in James, I found family. At least, in Remus, I found…’

It suddenly hits him. A realisation that makes all puzzle pieces fall into place, and it all comes rushing back to him. His father’s study, a young, scared boy who had no idea what was being asked of him, a strange rod and a magic settling into his veins.

James comes in a moment later, and to give him some time with Sirius, Remus goes to help his mum in the kitchens.

“James,” Sirius says, forcing put the words as soon as Remus is gone. “I have fallen in love with Remus.”

James just gives him a sad smile. “To be honest, Siri, I figured as much. But we’ll deal with that later, yeah? Right now, you need to just focus on getting better.”

“No, Jamie, you don’t understand…”

And so Sirius tells James the whole story.

By the end of it, James is pinching the bridge of his nose. “That has got to be the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

“I was six years old!” Sirius defends himself. “I had no idea what I was even doing. I didn’t know that love isn’t necessarily a choice,” Sirius needs to pause for a moment to take a breath. “I didn’t know that love is something that can suddenly wash over you when you look into someone’s eyes…”

“Well, now we know the reason for your illness,” James says. “You broke an Unbreakable Vow.”

“Doesn’t make sense,” Sirius replies. “Unbreakable, but I’ve clearly broken it! Sure, I’ll die for it, but if it was truly Unbreakable, you’d think it would have been actually physically impossible for me to fall in love with Remus in the first place. It’s called an Unbreakable Vow, not a Break-And-Die Vow, innit?”

“Really?” James asks, placing his hands on his hips. “That’s what you’re worried about right now? The semantics of the term?”

Sirius shakes his head, as he feels a new wave of exhaustion wash over him. “It also means there is no cure, doesn’t it?” He closes his eyes as he speaks. “You break an Unbreakable Vow, and then that’s it.”

He doesn’t hear James’ reply, as he has already drifted off to sleep.

“Okay,” Remus says, pacing James’ room. “Okay. So we have a cause, now we can find a solution. We must ask King Orion to release him from his vow! Surely, he just wanted to scare his son, not actually let him die. I’m sure that if we ask him-”

“That won’t work,” James interrupts. “You can’t be released from an Unbreakable Vow. It’s impossible.”

“Well, that doesn’t make sense,” Remus says. “Unbreakable, sure, but if someone releases you from a vow, you haven’t broken it, have you? It’s called an Unbreakable Vow, not an Unreleasable Vow, innit?”

“Well, I didn’t come up with the term!” James exclaims, before muttering under his breath “Again with the semantics.” He shakes his head. “Remus,” he continues. “To be honest, I don’t think it would’ve mattered even if King Orion could release Sirius from the vow.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that King Orion must’ve known he couldn’t be certain a six-year-old boy could keep an oath like that for the rest of his life, and he must’ve known what he was doing.” A dark look passes over James’ face. “He made a conscious consideration and decided that he rather sees his son dead than see him ‘defile’ the blood line.”

“Okay, well, then that’s not an option. But… But we can still…” Still pacing the room, Remus frantically tries to think of something, anything, else. “We can still try to get our hands on that Oath Rod! We can steal it. Maybe we can make it work, despite not having the proper bloodline. We can let Sirius swear a different oath, to overwrite the first one. Maybe an oath that goes directly against the first one! Or maybe we can figure out how to reverse the magic of the first oath, and undo it. Or what if-”

“Remus!”

Remus finally stops his pacing and turns to look at James.

James runs a hand through his hair. “I just told you he’s in love with you! Don’t you… don’t you feel anything about that?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, James.” Remus gives James a tortured look. “That I’m happy about it? Happy to have been given something like that, only to have it immediately ripped away? Or do you want me to admit that I’ve so selfishly been wishing for it, that it was my heart’s greatest desire, and now it is going to cost him his life?” Remus shakes his head. “I don’t care how he feels about me, James. I don’t care if he loves me or hates me, or feels nothing towards me at all,I just need him to be okay.”

“I understand,” James says softly. “And we won’t give up on him, Remus. We won’t.”

“I’m a coward,” Remus says. “I like to pretend it’s all so unfair, how people like you and James get opportunities that I will never get, how hard my life is just because I was born lower class, but the truth is, I wouldn’t trade if I could. I’m simply too much of a coward to take on the responsibilities that you have to take on. I like sticking to my simple chores, I like avoiding ever having to take any responsibility, and I like feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in self-pity. I always choose the easy way out, and then I pretend it’s all so unjust that I don’t get further in life. I hide behind my background and my insecurities, and I don’t owe up to that fact that I’m simply too scared to take a risk. Taking a risk means you can fail, and I don’t want to fail others. Not because I care so much about others, but because I’m self-centred and care so much about what others think of me. I once stole a honey cake from the kitchens, and the cook blamed the new kitchen boy. I didn’t want her to be disappointed in me, so I didn’t confess and let him get punished for what I did.” Remus bites his lip as he remembers that moment. “I put my own need for validation first, regardless of the consequences for anyone else. And the worst is, if I could do it again, I don’t think I would do anything differently.”

“You look so cute when you bite your lip like that,” Sirius responds.

Remys drops his head on Sirius’ matrass and groans loudly. “Sirius! Focus! We’re trying to make you fall out of love with me! Really, it shouldn’t be so hard.”

“It’s not hard,” Sirius says. “It’s impossible. Remus, my heart is set on you, and nothing can deviate it from its course.”

Remus lifts his head, and feels tears well up in his eyes. “What do you expect me to do then? Just sit here and watch you die? I’m not worth all of that, Sirius. I’m not.”

“Listing all your flaws won’t help,” Sirius replies. “I’m not in love with you despite all of that, I’m in love with you with all of that. I’m in love with you for your strengths and I’m in love with you for your weaknesses.”

Remus shakes his head and hides his face in his hands. “There must be something I can do!”

Sirius reaches out, pulls one of Remus’ hands away from his face and takes it in his.

As Remus looks at him, he sees there are tears in Sirius’ eyes as well.

“Don’t leave me alone.” Sirius’ voice sounds small and scared as he squeezes Remus’ hand. “Be by my side? If I have to die for this love, then please, let me revel in it for just these final moments.”

Remus squeezes his hand back. “I’ll be here. I promise. I’ll be here.”

“I love you,” Sirius says hoarsely, having to gather his strength to form the words.

Sirius and Remus are alone, with Remus sitting by Sirius’ bedside, a place he now hardly ever leaves, while James is in the Potters’ library, frantically searching for a way, any way, to get out of an Unbreakable Vow.

They all know time is quickly running out, though.

Remus closes his eyes. He feels conflicted. On the one hand, he feels like he could live his whole life on just the memory of Sirius saying those words to him. On the other hand, it already hurts so much to lose Sirius as his dear friend and companion, he doesn’t want the reminder that it could’ve been so much more.

“It’s not fair,” Remus says as he opens his eyes again. “How can our story end before it has even begun? It wasn’t supposed to be like this! I wasn’t supposed to lose you, I can’t lose you. You were supposed to have been my happy ending.”

“Kiss me,” Sirius whispers. “Please… I don’t want to die without knowing… Without knowing what it’s like.”

It’ll destroy him, but how can Remus refuse?

So he reaches out and carefully brushes a strand of hair away from Sirius’ eyes, before gently cupping his face in his hands and softly pressing their lips together.

“I should’ve known.” James pinches the bridge of his nose. “I should have bloody known.”

Sirius grins at him. “In hindsight, it’s kind of obvious, isn’t it?” He’s sitting upright in bed, popped up against a pillow, eating a bowl of soup. Remus is sitting next to him on the edge of the bed, one arm wrapped protectively around Sirius’ waist for support. Sirius is still weak and tires quickly after being on the verge of death, but he’s gaining a little strength every day.

James rubs his eyes, still not quite sharp after all those sleepless nights spent frantically searching for a way out of the Unbreakable Vow. “Of course it was True Love’s First Kiss,” he mutters. “It’s always bloody True Love’s First Kiss!”

“So I’m not going to die, and Remus is my confirmed true love!” Sirius beams. “Couldn’t have gone better, don’t you think?”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Well, personally, I could’ve done without the whole sitting-by-your-death-bed situation.” Then he gazes at Sirius fondly. “But I guess I can’t complain about the end result.” He presses a brief kiss against Sirius’ lips.

As Sirius immediately leans in for another kiss, Remus smiles against his lips. “Sirius, you need to eat.”

Sirius hums. “I might still be feeling a bit nauseated. Better give me True Love’s Twelfth Kiss, just to be sure.”

James snorts. “More like True Love’s One Hundred and Fifth Kiss at this point.”

Sirius chuckles. “Well, Jamie, better safe than sorry!”

That’s how Prince Sirius learned something that the Ancient Ones had known, but his family had failed to pass on from generation to generation:

No matter how binding or dark the curse, no magic is more powerful than that of love.

And while they still have many challenges to face, with that power on their side, Sirius and Remus know they are going to live happily ever after.

The End.

(For Remus, it was the moment when he saw Sirius play with the dogs. For Sirius, it was the moment when their hands touched and eyes met while unsaddling the horse)

[187days]

Day Five

It's the first day of school!!!!!

It was a really good one, too.

I had a feeling it would be because I was excited last night- like, can't sleep because Santa is coming excited- and I hadn't felt that way since before Covid. I never stopped loving teaching, but it's been really hard these past couple years. It still is, in some ways (like the teacher shortage), but a lot of the pandemic trauma has faded. And I know I'm not the only one who feels that way. A lot of my colleagues said it, too, and so did The Principal. There's a real upbeat vibe.

This is what my schedule looks like:

Prep, 80 minutes

Advisory/Flex, 10 students, 45 minutes

Global Studies, 19 students, 54 minutes

Global Studies, 17 students, 54 minutes

Global Studies, 16 students, 54 minutes

Lunch, 25 minutes

APGOV, 18 students, 80 minutes

Because it was the first day, we swapped Advisory and Block One so it functioned as a homeroom. My advisees are sophomores now- it's the same students I had last year, plus one who moved here from out of state- so we didn't have a ton of stuff to go over. I gave them the basic back-to-school paperwork, their schedules, and their chromebooks. Then we played a little trivia game (questions about the school) for the remainder of the time. The teams ended up tying, so everyone got a little prize, which was fun.

After that, I had time to do seating charts for my Global Studies sections, make photocopies for the students who were added to my APGOV roster, chat with The Principal, exchange "good luck" emails with Mrs. T, and take a walk through the halls.

Then it was rapid-fire Global Studies time! I always start by asking my students to introduce themselves and tell me something they're interested in so that I can have a quick conversation. Like, if they say they like music, I'll ask who their favorite band or singer is, or if they mention playing a sport I'll ask what position they play. Then I say "nice to meet you," and sometimes they say it back. It's a positive way to begin.

After introductions, I had them look around the room and find the useful stuff- trash can, spare pencils, art supplies- and went over the course guide. Once I outlined my expectations for them, I had them write me a note or an email (that I responded to after classes ended this afternoon) to tell me about their expectations for me as their teacher. And we wrapped up class with a little brainstorm about aspects of culture to get them ready for the first unit.

In APGOV, we chatted about why they chose to take the course, the benefits and challenges of an AP course, what my goals in teaching this specific course are, and so on. Then I had them take Pew's Political Typology Quiz and email me their results- tells me what my class looks like, ideologically- and I shared mine, as well. We discussed the various things that shaped our views (for them: the pandemic, inflation, social media, parents and peers, NHPR, rapid changes in this part of the state, the 2016 and 2020 elections...). It's a good way to start, and longtime readers will know it's one I use year after year.

We had enough time afterwards to start talking about history, and about the things that shaped our founders' views. They did a great job recalling what they learned in APUSH and American Studies, so that was cool. That's good prep for next class when we'll dive into the Declaration of Independence.

After the bell, I got a bunch of stuff set for tomorrow, answered emails, and went down to see how Ms. B's first day had gone (I saw Mr. X throughout the day since he's right across the hall). We chatted for a bit, I gave her some advice on a lesson she's planning in the future, and then I headed home. Actually, I headed to the grocery store because teaching is hungry work, but you get the idea.

That's my twentieth first day with students, all done!

[fff777]

just a reaction post on jaemin being a PE teacher

jaemin: lmao i am not qualified for this

i did hear that jaemin's mom was a teacher

contrary to what he said, i feel like haechan could be a good teacher because he would keep the students engaged, but that would depend on whether he was serious about staying on topic lol. if he was intent on goofing off then ah, maybe not ^^;;

jeno a math nerd eh

lmao mark arguing with the teacher about english

he's so amused

i've never seen a chalkboard eraser cleaning machine. i think we just washed them manually lol. definitely did in elementary school.

principal getting nervous on camera ^^;;

jaemin asking the important questions about a PE teacher's uniform

the other teacher working at his desk who's also listening in on the convo lol

teacher: please study these textbooks intensively jaemin: ...yes...of course...

teacher wonpyo wrapped the badminton grip :P

lol teachers wearing their whistles in their pockets because it's cool. definitely saw my fair share of folks in university having the lanyards of their keys sticking out of their pockets.

teacher teaching jaemin how to turn a mistake into an opportunity XD i remember i had a substitute teacher who told us how whenever they got a question they didn't know the answer to, they'd flip it back to the students as a discussion question lol. teacher tricks.

also always finish a little early because you'll be popular with the students

...is jaemin referring to all the students with -ie at the end? am i missing a korean grammar thing or is he cute-ifying all of their names lmao.

ok i see what the program means. their idea was that students would focus more if their favourite celebrities were their teachers. i was skeptical because i think i would just be kind of dazed seeing my favourite celeb up close. but i think the idea is that they try harder when they like their teacher XD like i would definitely want to impress my teacher if i liked them lol.

he thinks the kids are cute XD

explanation of badminton and its history. i actually didn't know it came from india. despite having played badminton throughout middle school and high school.

i do remember hearing somewhere that jaemin did play badminton so i think he does have the above average knowledge on badminton to teach it a bit

jaemin missing the basket after two students got it on first try ^^;;

that girl who's really good has probably trained in badminton before hehe

i feel like lunch with teachers could be really juicy for gossip lol

excellent for gas emission

i can see why kids don't have name tags now, especially with social media. you could film a video with students and now everyone knows those students' names. some of the students in the class were wearing face masks too. i don't know if it's because they knew they were going to be on TV.

PE teacher just doesn't remember the kids' name ToT

LOL relatable

lol this PE teacher is fun

now one-on-one counselling time with students

so fucking excited to hear the tea on high school romance

now i'm wondering if this situation is real or if they just made it up for the show ^^;;

yeah he does seem that way, he seems like the guy to turn everything into an opportunity

mister romantic

oh this was filmed on white day, a few weeks ago then

he is sooooo into this XD

aw, i feel for the second student, the vp of the student council...i had a bad relationship with my older brother too for a very long time.

the plot twists with this student just keep coming

meirl after making a phone call

third student wants to ask about career concerns

jaemin creating a scenario for the student to act in lmao

jaemin: we are best friends now

[soleadita]

Re your tags about the school major.... literally one of the biggest turnoffs for me about majoring in psych was being preached to by a bunch of middle aged white men about white men theories and they all thought they were the absolute shit and I was SOooooo just. Oh I was so fed up by graduation lol

LITERALLY. literally. oh my GOD. (ok so i tried really hard to answer this normally but it ended up being a rant of epic proportions and in hindsight i fear it's only tangentially related to your actual ask but i spent too long writing it so it's gonna stay.)

most of my professors were, thank god, not quite Like That (mostly older white women, which could be frustrating in other ways, but i cannot imagine having to take a bunch of white man psych dudes seriously for that long, holy shit) but boy oh BOY do i have one specific grievance to air.

so my major was specifically focused on child development (which officially spans ages 0-18 yrs), and basically we went through three years of like The Stages of Development (piaget, erikson, freud, vygotsky, etc) and Theories and The Major Studies and developmental milestones and preschool lab, and then in our fourth year, there was one (1!!!!!!) required class that was essentially like "cultural perspectives on xyz." (the titling of the class was absolute bullshit btw. cultural perspectives? as if we weren't already being taught from a cultural perspective. like, ok.)

the specifics of the class as a whole have mostly been lost to me at this point, but the gist was essentially "by the way, all the super old linear theories of development we've been drilling into your head aren't as widely applicable as everyone acts like they are and may, in fact, lead to detrimental assessments of people whose culture and backgrounds and experiences differ from the white upper-middle class cishet able-bodied male norm." (i did, for funsies, dig through my google docs this evening and skim some of my old notes. SHIT WAS WILD. god.) and i just remember feeling simultaneously super underwhelmed (like, yes, i figured this out two years ago and it would've been nice to get more than 10 weeks worth of a class on it?) and incensed (WHY ISN'T THIS MORE CENTRAL TO THE CURRICULUM FOR THE ENTIRE DEGREE?).

it's like. idk. when i wanted a tamale recipe that would taste close to my grandma's, i googled it in spanish, bc when i google it in english i get assaulted by white lady food blogs. but googling in spanish gives vastly different (and much more helpful) results. and that's kinda how i felt by the end of my degree. like, what would this have looked like if i studied it in other countries and in other languages? what's in their textbooks? who are the other scholars? and that's also tricky, i guess, because i get the sense that academia is pretty gatekept across the board, and it's not like going to other places is gonna change that necessarily? but still. other non-us-centric perspectives at the fucking least.

and the thing that kills me is like...wouldn't this be so much more exciting if we could pick this apart and examine it from multiple angles? and wouldn't you be equipping these future teachers or occupational therapists or social workers etc etc so much better? and wouldn't your research be stronger? and wouldn't you be able to better understand and serve and care for the children and families you're trying to work with? and how are you content to sit in your tenured position and teach the same shit quarter after quarter when you know there's SO MUCH MORE TO THE PUZZLE that you're NOT LOOKING AT?

ANYWAY. this is so far removed from the original point. i'm so sorry. i just love bitching and commiserating about shit like this. <3

[luckyshotwrites]

same anon as the fav character description anon

if each one of the main-cast characters of WIDFALI had to teach a class what would it be and what kind of teacher would they be?

I'm sorry, this is the meme that popped into my head when I read that you were the same anon! xD But Howdy! You're coming back at me again with another sick question!

If each one of the main-cast characters of WIDFALI had to teach a class what would it be and what kind of teacher would they be?

(This post is long so I did a keep reading for you guys)

(First I wanna say, this really makes me want to do a second person AU where they are teachers at a college and hijinks ensue, vore/not vore related. I might have votes for the parts, who knows. It'd be something funny to do and you know me and ridiculous stuff).

Lynette: I either see her doing elementary school math, she'd be a mother hen to them and I can see her really trying to pump these kids up to learn, using treats, funny voices, the likes. Math is her best subject, she's not that great at science, history, or the likes. OR I can see her, not as a teacher per say, but a high school/ maybe college counselor. She'd try to listen and be there for them, and help get them help if its needed. (She might have went into one these careers, if she had more confidence. Fun fact, Lynette didn't pass high school and got her GED rather "late" so she doesn't think she could ever do any of this. Another reason why this is her best option to settle the disappoint, she thinks her family has in her).

Alexander: He's hilarious to think about in this scenario. I don't think he has the patience to teach anything that's not physical. So, a gym coach, most definitely. Not that he's not good at other subjects, but I think he'd get fired real quick. xD I can imagine him either doing this in high school, or college. He might prefer college since they are the most determined for those scholarships, so he could push them to the limit.

Drake: He's a weird one to think about. He's pretty well rounded, but most definitely a language (any) teacher. His classes would probably be calm for the most part, informative, and he'd be the hardest teacher to get a reaction from even if the kids, in high school, wanted to get one from him. He's very studious when learning new languages. It hasn't come up yet, but he knows a lot from Yexodele even though he has never been there, and videogames/movies that he's enjoyed. He has an appreciation and like for the sounds and writing for them.

Lev: This man should not be teaching. xD But, social studies/history. WEIRD right? I know. He actually has a vast knowledge of history, and given his sleep schedule, he has much more time to study it. Though, he likes competition, I can see him wanting to compete heavily with people, SO in college, he'd do business courses or law, he'd love to be able to sway court rooms, or beat someone at their own haggling game. Again, Lev has a plethora of knowledge. He likes to keep himself busy whether it be watching, reading, or DOING something. He'd be wicked at teaching it but it'd be a challenge to pass his class.

Claudia: You guessed it, SCIENCE. The humans magic. Lol. She actually loves it and has been trying to understand it but her Fae brain's like, "we could use magic to do this better though." If she stayed and focused on it, she would definitely be that crazy science teacher. She'd want to come up with some of the most out there but safe experiments for those she teaches. At least to make their class life a little more exciting.

Zilla: Oh boy- I'd say Psychology. I can see her really getting into it to find out what makes others tick, and how she can get them to follow along. (Makes her sound really manipulative, eh?) She'd like using it as a way to understand people better. As a teacher, she'd be strict but very open to debate and discuss topics. I feel like handling or keeping a classroom together wouldn't be a challenge for her, she'd use tactics based on their types to keep them in line.

(I don't think Viola counts as a main cast, as she's...a little different).

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, HOMIE! These are so fun to think about. AND HAVE A NONNEGOTIABLE SWEET DAY!

[penig]

It used to be taken for granted that married couples might have different preferred candidates, and it was used as an excuse to not vote, the concept being that they would "kill each other's vote." That a husband and wife voting for different candidates would cancel each other out, so why bother?

There is a story, I'm pretty sure in a book of connected short stories called The Nine Brides and Granny Hite,* published in 1952, featuring an immigrant, a European refugee excited to vote in her first election, who encounters this argument while going around town infecting blase Americans with her immigrant enthusiasm. She is taken aback at first, because it sounds reasonable enough, but her gut says it's wrong, and after thinking a minute she comes back with: "You and I, we are each on one end of a two-handled saw with a tree in between. If you go back, I go forward, I go forward you go back. We say to each other, We cancel each other out, so we stop. Does this cut the tree down?"

This argument was still common enough in the early 70s that my social studies teachers would feature it as a popular fallacy when talking about elections and democracy. It seems to be as old as female suffrage.

To find the argument that women will necessarily be guided by their husbands when they vote, you have to go all the way back to arguments against granting women suffrage at all. Because what would be the point? They'd just vote like their husbands anyway! Sometimes with " or fathers" thrown in, when someone remembered that unmarried women exist.

This is not a coincidence. The people disgusted by these ads would happily roll us back to before female suffrage. To before "Negro suffrage." And, ultimately, to before suffrage for adult white males who don't own real property. Don't think they won't!

*I found the link but didn't take the time to confirm the story is in there. I remember it as a distinct change of tone from the other stories, which are mostly little romances.

From the October 31, 2024 article:

“In the one place in America where women still have a right to choose, you can vote any way you want. And no one will ever know,” Roberts says in the ad as a woman on screen meets up with her husband after casting her ballot for Harris.

The voter winks at a fellow female voter as her husband asks if she made the “right choice.”

Republicans have responded to the video with outrage, with some claiming that a wife lying about her vote is as bad as an affair.

“If I found out Emma was going to the voting booth and pulling the lever for Harris, that’s the same thing as having an affair,” Fox News host Jesse Watters said on air Wednesday in a clip highlighted by Mediaite.

Other GOP members including Charlie Kirk said the thought was “nauseating.”

[starsincline]

Hello, my friend. I hope this message finds you well. 🙏

I'm Ola, a graduate student from the Faculty of Science at Al-Azhar University . I'm a dedicated and passionate student, striving to become a good researcher and teacher.

Unexpectedly, my life took a drastic turn transforming me from a passionate student into a person struggling for survival. 🥺

My family is in a perilous situation due to the harsh conditions and the famine we have endured for 11 months. We are facing immense challenges, So I have created a campaign to help me and my family rebuild our lives and meet our basic needs for food, drink, and other essentials in these harsh conditions. This will also help me continue my education. At this critical moment, I implore you to share my campaign with your network, both offline and on social media platforms. Your advocacy is vital to our success.

All I am asking for is your support. Every simple thing makes a difference in changing the situation we are in. You can help us either by giving direct support to our campaign or simply by sharing/reblogging the pinned post on my page and/or writing a post about my campaign. This would greatly help us reach more potential donors, and I would be very grateful if you could share the campaign link with your friends and family via email or other social media platforms. ❤️

I sincerely hope you can empathize with our dire situation and consider supporting us. Please be assured that any help brings us closer to our goal, and no matter how small your donation might be, it will make a significant difference in my family's lives.

I would appreciate it if you could follow me to stay updated, as I will always need your help. 💔

This is my GFM link:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/empower-olas-pursuit-of-education-amid-crisis?qid=30ec4c502382b9962b96d698a687d9a8

My campaign has been verified by @/90-ghost, @/northgazaupdates, @/el-shab-Hussien, and @/nabulsi's vetted list (line 205).

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1yYkNp5U3ANwILl2MknJi9G7ArY4uVTEEQ1CVfzR8Ioo/htmlview#gid=0

Thank you in advance for your kindness and support. I am waiting for your response. ❤️

Please donate and/or share with others. 🥺🙏

Sincerely,

Ola

I really hope your circumstances improve soon 🙏💚

vetted: one (line 205) , two

$58,896 USD raised of $85,000 goal

For eight months until now, we have been struggling to get proper food after prices increased by 15 to 20 times, struggling to have clean water for use and drinking. We lacked security and stability as we were forced to evacuate our house and left everything behind. Then we had to move at least three times since every new area we seek refuge to gets bombed. Before October 7th, my days were filled with attending lectures, working, and volunteering. I completed my bachelor's degree in Mathematics with a GPA 96.01% with a grade of distinction with first class honors. Once I completed my graduate studies, I began looking for a job to cover the study expenses. I got my first contract as a mathematics teacher on August 30, 2023, at a school here in Gaza. I was very excited, happy and full of passion for this new chapter in my life as a student and teacher at the same time. It was one month like a beautiful dream in which I began my work as a teacher to my students in the seventh grade. I was explaining mathematics using extracurricular activities. However since October 7th, my life turned upside down, darkness prevailed, all hopes and dreams quickly vanished. Our once peaceful neighborhood has been devastated by relentless bombings, leaving my home, university, and my workplace destroyed. Although, there is nothing here but rubble and ash color and a dark and gloomy future looms ahead, my family and I fight every day holding onto a thin thread of hope that tomorrow might be better. This is why I decided to start this campaign and seek your help and support to create hope for me and my family.

[phanfinger]

I'm in a multiple subject credential program currently.

So I get to student teach. This is not my first rodeo. I've student taught two times before.

First time was 9 years ago. I was a child development major at the community college that I went to. I did the practicum class, for preschool. Oh my god, I had the worst experience ever. The mentor teacher or whatever the fuck she was called was so incredibly bad at giving my constructive criticism. I thought that I was bad because she never had something nice to say me ever. I seriously remember that the only positive thing she ever said to me was that I noticed things in children that she did not notice. I was in the preschool classroom once a week for four hours. I spent the entire time on edge because of her. But I did enjoy being around the children. When I was getting my end of the year review from her from my lecture teacher, I really thought that I was going to fail. My lecture teacher misplaced my review from her so she called her right then to review me. To my disbelief, the mentor teacher gave me a glowing review. I was incredibly shocked. Fuck that bitch honestly. I almost quit the whole major all together.

But I continued on. I got into a California State University. Majored in Early Childhood Studies. I still enjoyed learning about children. I enjoyed my lecture teachers. It had its own student teaching program. But uh oh! Covid happened! So student teaching had to be online. It fucking sucked so bad. Not because the children I had to observe were annoying or anything but mostly because of the state of the world. My teachers assigned us videos to watch and create curriculum that way. It was not ideal for sure. I got my degree in early childhood studies in spring of 2021. I was so done. I was finished. I was burnt out so badly. Got a shitty preschool job. I quit after three days.

But then I got a good preschool job. I stayed there for three years. There was a moment in my first year where my co teacher's husband had open heart surgery and so she was out for 2 weeks. I was able to run that classroom. I was so happy. I felt like that I proved that mentor teacher bitch wrong. I could do this. I can be a teacher. I just finished there about two weeks ago. It feels weird but I needed to move on.

Why? Well, TK (Transitional Kindergarten, which takes kids as early as 4 years old) is taking enrollment away from preschool. Unless I wanted to work with children who were barely 3 years old and not potty trained, I am shit out of luck. Also, preschool doesn't pay shit. I fully believe in preschool though. If you have the means to, send your child to several years of preschool. Your child needs the social skills, believe me. Your child knowing their ABCs and their numbers up to 20 doesn't mean shit if they're hitting their friends, taking things without permission, or being unable to listen to people in general.

Anyway, I've been assigned 3rd grade. Quite different than preschool. I think it's pretty funny because I actually repeated the third grade. My family was moving across the city we lived in and my science skills were not up to my science teacher mom's standards. So moved schools but repeated third grade. I remember my second year of third grade being much easier and reading a lot. My teacher was on the verge of retirement so she didn't care what I did when I finished my work. I am very excited to relearn the material again 21 years later!

I've met up with my cooperating teacher twice now. She seems fine as a person.

However, her entire classroom and the way she has organized her classroom is entirely Harry Potter themed and based. Don't get me wrong, it's pretty impressive but at the same time so incredibly cringe. I mean, she's had years to change it and she hasn't. And she's basically admitted to me that she has spent so much time, effort, and money making her classroom look and operate like this. She asked me if I was a fan. I said that I had read all the books and seen all the movies based on the books. She interrupted me and said that I was way ahead of her previous student teachers. I told her that I was 30 that I grew up with it but I'm not a fan of it anymore.

She's vaguely aware of J.K's assholery but not really. I told her what J.K. just recently did and her response was literally, "Well, that is too bad."

She's kind of an ally. I guess. A very basic one. I referred to my non binary twin as "they" and she stopped me and told me to say that it again as she wants to get pronouns right. Her 20 year old majoring in art daughter always yells at her about getting pronouns right for her friends. I took the opportunity to tell her that I was agender. She was as supportive as she could muster I guess. But I told her that in the classroom that I was a woman. She said that was best because the elementary school that I've been assigned to hosts military families and they can be a bit conservative. It makes sense because there are two local bases.

Anyway, first day is Wednesday. I'm hoping to muster enough energy to write about my experiences every day but we'll see.

[iceddecafcaramel]

05/15/2024 23:15

I'm sorry I haven't been writing. Well, I guess it's a good thing because I haven't felt distressed enough to need to vent on here.

However, I am scared. And I am going to be honest with myself.

I'm scared of this retirement. I've wanted to retire and be happy for so long, safe in a faraway place from dance. But now that I'm retiring in 2 weeks, I can't imagine how hard this change will emotionally damage me. How fat am I going to get? What if I burn out and realize too late that social work is too hard for me? What if I miss dance? What if I won't be as good of a dance teacher anymore because I can't demonstrate anything? There are so many unhealthy, spiraling questions in my mind.

I'm also stressed because finding a 9-5 that pays well with flexible hours that makes more than 45k a year in the social work field is extremely difficult. I'm just waiting for the universe to show me how this is going to be offered to me by the end of June.

What if I don't get a scholarship? It doesn't matter because my parents are paying for grad school (which is insane because imagine how much money I would've had if they had just given it all to me directly if I could be financially independent) but I hate relying on them because I don't feel completely independent nor successful, and it almost feels like I will never be able to. I feel like a fraud.

My ex is suicidal. I would have never thought I would say or write that sentence down. But he is. He has a plan to drop off Chalk in Houston and to road trip to national parks til he runs out of money, and then the plan is to kill himself. He even wrote goodbye letters to me, his girlfriend, and his parents. I love him so much and it is so painful to be here, not being able to help him at all. I'm only alive and here right now because of him. I don't know what I would ever do if he were to commit suicide and I couldn't stop it. I would never forgive myself for not being able to save him like he saved me.

He is the strongest person I know, and also holds himself to the highest standard. He is never bad at anything because his ego won't let him be mediocre. He's stressed about his attending, his probation, his rent increasing if he isn't able to renew it for a yearly lease because his probation meeting isn't til after the due date, he's nervous about being able to stay next year, because if he doesn't, his degree would be useless, and he'd be in so much debt. Besides, his identity is so tied to this career and he has invested so many years into it. I completely understand why he would feel suicidal because it's so much pressure on one single person. But as selfish as it is for me to say so, I need him alive. I know that if I were God and I could choose between the two of us to stay alive, I would choose him every time. He is smart, wants to help and give back to the community, is so ambitious and has so many dreams. He is inspiring and he is the most hardworking person I know. The world needs him. I need him.

And to top it off, my dating life hasn't been great either. But here are some positives-

I didn't even apply to any other school and got into the MSW program I wanted to be in

I am not a pushover anymore and will cut off any guy that isn't deserving of me

I have self respect and I walk away from situations that drain me or doesn't serve me

My close circle consists of people who reciprocates my efforts

I love teaching at my dance school

I get to be reborn, and finally experience a life without dance

When I posted about my retirement, I got upset because I started to doubt myself if I had made the wrong decision to quit something that I was good at and enjoyed. But I know that I had been unhappy for a while, and I also know that I'm so excited to study about social work because all the courses sound like the materials I read in my free time anyway. Additionally, I saw the numbers 1393 that day. That's my library number from CMIS. It's like the universe was saying that I get to restart and experience what it would have been like if I wasn't forced to live out someone else's dream and dance. I get to pursue the career I want now, and I get to save people from getting to a point of hurting as much as I did.

[thoughts-in-20s]

FIRST WEEK IN THAILAND 🇹🇭

สวัสดีคะ!

Hello how was your week? We have safely arrived here in Thailand last Wednesday night and I've been here in Ayutthaya (my first area) for only 4 days and it's been such a very tough week for me although I already know the first 3 months in the field would be hard I didn't really expect it to be this hard. Guess what we are opening this area haha great my first area is an open and biking area I don't really know what to feel to be honest but I kinda feel like this area would progress because the members here are so so nice and sweet and they have 3 returned missionaries here who also served in thailand which is a good thing because they for sure know about the area but one thing about Ayutthaya they never had their missionaries ever since pandemic so that explains why there are only less than 30 members here but I'm excited to work on this area also we have another set of 2 missionaries who will be serving with us so 1 companionship of Elders (Elder Anderson and Elder Badal) and 1 companionship of senior missionaries (Elder and Sister Cook) they are so sweeettttt they even treat us for dinner last night plus help us get our groceries I love them so much. So last night we have a bunch of meetings and I was just so lost in translations I can't even understand a single word but it's a good thing for me because it motivates me to like strive more in learning thai and I've been doing language study 2 times harder than I was in the MTC. I really testify SYL is so so important trust me it will seriously help you when you'll already out in the field now it's clear to me why our teachers in the mtc are trying their very best for us to do SYL I guarantee it's 100% helpful. Anyways my trainer is (Sister Loranger) she is the best companion you would ever have she is so patientttt and kind to me, and also she is the referral secretary so we'll kinda do a lot of stuffs with social media because most of the people here use it so it's kinda useful to get referrals because they usually chat in our page if they wanna get Book of Mormon or if they wanna learn about the Gospel. President and Sister Burgener are so sweet they welcomed us warmly and the first time we got here the first thing we saw was the Thailand Bangkok Temple it was so prettyyyyy I really felt the assurance and peace that everything will be well. We'll also be having our zone conference next week and we'll be singing with our native language which is a funny thing because this is my first time singing in tagalog and I'm the only Filipino in this area. Things are literally new here for me especially the food because to be honest I never had a food here which is not spicy so Goodluck to me hahaha. But even though it's hard I know He is always there to bear me up and the same goes to you. I like how the Lord will always make it hard for us at first so that we can be more tougher. I miss my ward, my family, my friends and MTC but I know I will eventually love it more here. Thai people are literally the sweetest they are more into their feelings when they talk to you and you can literally feel their sincerity. I am so blessed that the Lord chose Ayutthaya to be my first area couldn't be more grateful. I love the Book of Mormon so much I can't even count how many times it had helped me during my difficult times. I really testify the power of prayer from the very first day we arrived here I really felt the Lord is very mindful to me. Whenever you feel discourage just always remember Mosiah 14: 3-5 He lives and He is there for you even if don't feel it His love is always there. Words can't even describe how grateful I am for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The work is so so hard here but the work Jesus Christ did was a lot harder I love Him with all my heart and I will always do my best to glorify Him and Heavenly Father ! I hope you are doing well, Take care always and I would love to hear from you too!

1. Ayutthaya District

2. My Trainer (Sister Loranger) 💛✊️

3. Nephi district I miss y'all so so much

4. Ayutthaya Branch

5. Elephant sanctuary (I kinda feel bad for the Elephant tbh)

[whisperinthehaze]

MY SENIOR HIGH EXPERIENCE

I used to imagine what my "Senior High Life" would be like when I was in grade 10. If I kept up my active study habits, I wondered if I would succeed academically. At the same time, I find it difficult to decide between HUMSS, STEM, and GAS. At first, I said that I wanted to pursue HUMSS because I want to work as a psychologist, political analyst, and journalist. However, I also said that I wanted to pursue STEM because science is my favorite subject and I'm curious about what I will learn if I pursue STEM. Lastly, I claimed that I wanted to pursue GAS because I'm unsure and confused. I recognized that the Humanities and Social Sciences strand will help me grow as a person and as a student; I see myself excelling in this strand and that the journey with this strand will be successful. Suddenly, though, it dawned on me that "HUMSS is the strand I will take in Senior High." I remember my First Day at Perpetual Help College of Manila. I was excited because it was a new school, new classmates, a new life. HUMSS-G. Silang They became my first family in my Senior High Life. My whole year was happy, I became an active student, I improved my performance in all subjects. I also became involved in extracurricular activities such as Buwan ng Wika, Museo De Filipino, Presidential Week, Sci-Dama, and won second place. I also joined the Broadcasting Committee and wrote news about events that occurred during the Parade of Talent 2022-2023. But, despite being an active student, there are problems associated with it, obstacles that I must overcome, trials that will come in my life I believe that I must succeed because if I fail, all of my efforts will be useless I became an Academic Achiever from Midterm and Final Term because of my family who always supported me and always reminded me that nothing is impossible and that I can do the things I want to achieve.

In my second year, I went to the HUMSS-Sapphire family and I am very happy because we have a great teacher who is ready to guide, teach tirelessly, take care of us and make us happy. I also have classmates who are willing to help and be with me in the joys and sorrows of life In senior high I learned to be a strong person, it taught me to stand on my own feet, it taught me to do what my heart and mind screamed, Senior high taught me that if others can do it, so can I. I am with the strand HUMSS in the challenge of life.

It taught me to be understanding, it taught me different values ​​that I will need in my next journey, and it taught me to be a good person. I had a calm life when I started senior high school, and it inspired me to get a better education so that I could one day support my family, friends, and the community. Since I've learned a lot from my experiences—"It's a long way, but my storytelling has traveled a long way"—why should I quit now? If I can be a better student. I will always treasure this experience and the priceless memories that my senior high school life gave me. I'll keep the memories I've collected with me and use them as motivation and inspiration to succeed in the future. Reminiscences that are incomparable to once-in-a-lifetime events Being a student is a unique opportunity, so we should make the most of it. Based on what I've learnt, I believe it has been worth living.

[apomaro-mellow]

Work rant under the cut cuz im about to mcfreakin lose it

so my official title is paraprofessional. i was originally hired at this school to work as a kindergarten aid. and that 1st year was pretty good. The only time I was called away from kindergarten was to sub for teachers who were out.

The longest stint i ever had was subbing 1st grade the week before winter break (i subbed them the most frequently too).

Here comes my 2nd year, and at first the email me like mid-August asking if I could teach pre-k. I don't have my certification, and they knew this, but I accepted anyway. There's a very confusing back and forth and it's not until I step foot in the school weeks later that I'm told (by the kinder teacher NOT admin) that I'm going to be w/2nd grade.

Not ideal, especially when during that 1st week, I don't know if I'm the homeroom teacher or just an aid, bc there's an ESOL teacher and she seemed to be taking the lead. I literally had to email the principal for clarification. (and also to you know, have it in writing that im teaching and that im a teacher just in case i need it for compensation)

The year goes on, honestly not as bad as it could have been, but ONLY because I had support from other teachers and was able to get some aids myself from time to time.

Now for this year. I was somewhat prepared because I knew SEVERAL teachers had left. Including the other 2nd grade teacher. So in my mind, I would think it made sense that IF i needed to cover a class, it would be 2nd grade. But um, no. For some reason the 3rd grade teacher is taking 2nd.

Yall....I really feel like an employee shouldn't have to ask what their role is. But I come in Monday and I still don't know so I ask "Hey, have yall zeroed in on a role for me yet?" Assisstant principal says "you're aiding 2nd grade.....BUT hold on bc we might need someone for 3rd."

And guess what they called me in the office during my lunch break to tell me? I think you already know.

On the surface, it's not as bad as last year. Instead of covering ELA and Social Studies, I'm just supposed to cover SS. And they're crossing their fingers, the teacher slotted for this position comes back from maternity leave in November. But then they want me to aid her in 3rd grade and to me that is just unacceptable.

So here's were logistics and facts go out the window and im just fully emotional. Because the 2nd graders I thought I was going to be with are the kindergarteners I started with at this school. Yall, I love them so much and was excited to be with them in any capacity, teacher or aid.

But these incoming 3rd graders? I love them too but there are some in that group that need extra love, if you know what I mean. I was able to hold it down and give it to them last year but i was Tapped. Out.

I can't do it again this year, especially when there's so much uncertainty. Not for my mental health or the children's. I already had a hunch about this which is why I literally updated my resume today. Time to send it out.