#my smart watch is saying that everything is in normal numbers but what of they're inaccurate

[tomyo]

I watched Trap and it was wild.

Spoilers ahead

Its weird because my cohorts said it was bad but also were more quiet during the movie than they were for Beetlejuice 2 (we were at a double feature). I think overall it had a lot of potential but it went in to many directions.

For those who want to know the twist, I guess it is either one of two things; 1. His wife set him up or 2. He just keeps not getting caught. But okay let's explain 2.

Basically it's everything the trailer promises you; he's in the concert, it's ridiculously covered with police, he notices and tries to escape. Now let me explain all the ways he tries to get out JUST at the concert (yes he does get out). First he starts trying to get out normally, drags his daughter around and scopes all exits, pushes over a drunk woman down some stairs to distract the guards and then leave except there are so many officers they are immediately covered by more, so he starts collecting a bunch to figure out how to get out, he befriends the t shirt seller, he goes in back to get more shirts with him, steals his card, learns there's a special password he has to give, uses the card to go into the break room, listens in on a police briefing, pretends to get coffee, somehow knows where the sugar is to give to an officer, steals a radio (mind you there is enough guards to be more than all of Philadelphia's squad and yes I'm aware how large that number is), tries to convince his daughter to dive into the trap door that opened audience side in the stadium (why would they allow that if they're so militant about catching him?), he finds out there's a profiler who is basically L, steals a bracelet from a different attendee to cover his tiny arm tattoo they somehow identified was on him, almost pulls a fire alarm until the profiler mentions that over the radio, sets off an glass oil explosion just to distract guards so he can get an apron, goes on the roof, pretends he's crying over the girl who got mailed, finds out there's a card he also is supposed to have, lucks out the apron had a wallet, asks about the profiler and the fucking swat team tells him despite his sudden coldness despite how scarred he is, at some point he tells his 12 year old daughter to meet him at a distant meeting spot if he doesn't come back, tells m night shamalan's character that his daughter has leukemia that she hates acknowledging so she will get taken back stage, administers first aid to a preteen who fainted back stage (he is a firefighter), notices the pop star needs an inhaler yet never uses that info, and despite somehow them all being extremely aware one of the men in the audience in the killer, convinces the pop star to go into her dressing room alone with him.

Now my friends and I were cracking theories the whole time (this was a drive in so we were able to talk in a more private space) and at some point I assumed that this was the whole trap, the profiler was clearly aware of his likely actions about as soon as he came up with them. I was banking on the idea that the t shirt seller, the guards, and the info back stage were the only people getting out was a very intentional goal to lead him into getting caught. I thought it would be so smart to say "This whole time the way out was actually the trap."

But no, what happens next is he reveals himself as the butcher to the popstar and tells her he will kill the guy via his phone if she doesn't get him out of there. So she does, she actually drives him and his daughter out but then does a smart move in asking to drop them off at their house. And suddenly everything is using pov shots from the popstar's view. And AGAIN it's almost smart, it's like we are parrelelling his attempt to escape with her attempt to catch him. There's all these suggestions of themes; he has some mommy issues and it's suddenly also a plot point he is OCD (they really just drop it in out if no where and it becomes suddenly really relevant) and she doesn't know her father. It's almost like her fatherlessness and him being a father is meant to mean something or his mommy issues that people use against him are meant to mean something. And she theoretically does smart things; she puts him in a situation where his phone is close enough for her to grab, she locks herself with it in the bathroom pretty haphazardly but it's okay cuz she's panicked, and after getting info from the captive, she goes on live and uses her star power to crowd source finding the victims location.

Now here's where another "this is the theme" moment really could have played out. All while this concert is going on there are thousands of phones being used to capture the concert and certainly would catch some of the butcher acting weird. It's easy to say even if he escaped, he still would've been caught by camera right? That is an easy answer to how he could've been foiled but still create a surprise. But I mean okay, instead we have the guy that can do everything against the sheer number of the police force and now the size of a pop star following. Wow! The power of the community he terrorized takes him down I guess.

So finally caught with the police called on him, the killer locks his family upstairs and tries to take the popstar hostage. She tries to play mental games with him by acting like his mother but it doesn't work. I hear this as a critique of her acting but I think it's find that she's a little bad at it because I don't think the average pop star would be good at going up against a serial killer. They open the garage door and GASP the family is blocking the escape, they got out by going down the tree next to the house. Unable to flee, he goes inside and starts doing the chores that needed doing. He's caught? Wait no, there's a secret exit and he somehow quickly dressed up like a police officer and drove off in the popstar's limo with her in it again. He handcuffs her and drives her through downtown to get to his safe house. But again, she manages to get out of the situation because she opens the window and begs for help so her fans surround the car. The police come, surround the car and shoot it except YES, he escaped AGAIN. This is like 5 minutes apart from the garage convo.

So we are back at his house where his wife is waiting and promptly 3 seconds after she is told she is safe here, he appears in the kitchen ranting about how he realizes she ratted him out and that's how they knew he was going to the concert. She begs him to finish their daughter's celebration pie together before he kills the both of them only to GASP realize she doped him with his own arsenal of sedatives. He's out! Sort of. He hears his mother and walk towards her excepts it was the profiler (she's an old lady with roughly similar features) and he gets tazed like, so many times. He's finally handcuffed but dang that OCD, he begs them to let him stand up his daughter's bike which????? They allow??????? Why??????.

And yes, we finally hit the final final end, he's in the heavily armored transport but he stole a spoke and uses it to uncuff himself, supposedly going to get out AGAIN.

Somewhere in this jumble of two puzzles mixed together there was good stories and good elements but I can only describe the plot as that one fanfic author who finishes the original premise of their opus fic only to try and start a new arc and fumble, ending arc 1 in 36 chapters and arc 2 in 4 which is also the end of the whole story. A good narrative that just didn't know how to end or if it should end.

The biggest fault of the movie is mistaking the story climax for does he get caught when it really was does he get out. The moment he made it out of the stadium it should have started to wrap up and instead it just kept going on. Like a half of the movies just kept going on.

And now a toast to all the dropped side plots; the image of his mom the butcher kept hallucinating, the butcher's MO, the popstar's struggles and why they were important to bring up, the daughter who apparently was on bad terms with her sort of friends, the sort of friend's mother aggressively trying to defend her daughter for being a bitch, any presence you were supposed to feel from the profiler, the set up to him using doping powder (how funny it is that he didn't just use it in the coffee scene because that's what I was suspecting), the whole point in learning a bunch about the killer's victims.

Still I think this movie is certainly consumable but idk why it just focused on the wrong things. People think it's the nepotism or something you should be mad at but I'm more upset that it went so beyond the scope of the concert. The constant perspective changes towards the end was hard. Of various guesses we also made, the mom who was the betrayer was made (which was right), the daughter exposing her own father, the mom/family all being killers, and that this was a part of the split universe (because holy shit he should not be escaping as much as he did) were all guessed.

Yeah that's it, it's a movie. It's a watchable movie and maybe even a good movie at points but it becomes frustrating at other ones. Hope this fufills someone's curiosity.

[payidaresque]

Photoshopping/giffing tips and tricks pt. 2

[in addition to this post i previously made]. Before we start, I want to say that i’m no expert in any way, and everyone should work in ways they're most comfortable with, i just want to share some knowledge i collected over the years with everyone who might find it useful and maybe improve their skills in making content. So, let’s get started! WARNING: IMAGE/GIF HEAVY!

Save workspaces.  You can have multiple workspaces for different needs. For example, i’m making gifs more often, but sometimes i make edits as well, so having to switch the timeline panel off when it gets in a way, then go back to the view menu, then bringing it back again... idk, call me lazy, but it seems like a few extra clicks for me 💀 What you can do instead is save your current workspace and easily switch between them any time you want. To do that, align all your tools and menus as you want, then find this icon at the top right corner

Scroll down to New Workspace, and this window will pop up

Name your workspace however you want, and chose what you want to save. You can save keyboard shortcuts, menus and tools. When you click save and change your layout, nothing will happen. That is because you need to reset your Essentials��workspace first (the one that’s usually the default). Now when you switch between your workspaces (if you saved multiple) everything should work as expected

How to change the speed of gif without converting to frame animation (PS 2021 and above). THANK GOD Adobe fixed the glitch where the frame rate gets all messed up when you switch to video timeline, so i would suggest upgrading whatever version of PS you currently have if you can, working with timeline is MUCH easier in my opinion. To change the speed, after you imported the video (photoshop reads only .mp4’s btw, so be sure to check if you have the correct format), click the little play button 

and type in whatever number you want: 25% — the lowest value, but you can also speed the gif up by  entering a number higher than 100%. Remember to do that BEFORE you convert your gif to a smart object (& before resizing it, bc after applying the changes video automatically converts into a smart object), because once you convert it, the speed can’t be changed without going back a few steps). When you slow a gif down, photoshop “eats” some parts of it (usually towards the end), so you need to extend the gif by dragging it to the right until you reach the end of your scene to fix that Normal speed

Slowed down to 60%. Sometimes slowed down gifs may look choppy, i explained the trick on how to fix it in pt. 1 (click the first link in the post).

Use plugins. There are so many great ones! For example, i found this plugin called Better Grids: it creates grids and converts them into shapes or frames AUTOMATICALLY based on the numbers you set within the plugin. It’s a lifesaver for me when it comes to photosets! DL (Google drive. M1 Mac users: for the plugin to work, you need to run Photoshop under Rosetta mode first. To do that, right-click the app, go to get Info and check Open using Rosetta if you have that option available)

If your disk space allows, do not convert media. It’s time consuming, messes up the original quality, and usually extremely hard on processors, especially not very powerful ones. Instead, just change the container to open your file in photoshop, It’s faster & less power consuming. I use Subler (mac) and Avidemux (mac & windows) to change the container to mp4, bc for me it’s the simplest ones to use

Handy thansform tool trick. When you try to fit your image into a certain sized canvas, this is probably what you’ll caught yourself doing

there's actually a much faster and easier way to resize stuff. when you activate transform tool, you'll see these boxes with numbers in the top panel

watch what happens when i change one of the numbers

isn't that neat? (make sure that little chain button is checked to mantain proportions. x and y values are for stretching the image horizontally or vertically)

Save document presets. In new document window, type in your desired dimmensions, then click "Save Preset", choose which options you want to save, name it however you want, click ok and you're done — congrats, now you have a saved canvas preset for further use!

So, i hope these little tips were useful. Have fun creating guys 🌸

[qipsir]

vent rant post bottom text

Short version: humans are absolutely moronic and boring, and as much as I respect the fact that people like it for some reason and that some alterhumans literally feed on it, I wholeheartedly believe that human society would be so much better off without recreational sex. love shouldn't be such a big deal, uncovering things in therapy shouldn't be earthshattering, fear of death is beyond stupid, and there are a lot of scientists and people in fields who just need to Stop because the "good" that comes of what they do is flimsy and frankly could've been solved by a combination of just being nonchalant about everything and also being open to the idea that if people believe it, it probably exists in some capacity.

Also sex jokes are dumb, 69 isn't a "funny number", and a lot of people need to grow up because witty jokes are automatically funnier and land better than haha glory hole or whatever.

Long version: cracks knuckles

I'll probably add to this more later but I'm bored out of my mind and need to get it out because I'm tired of not saying things for worry over hurting people's feelings.

I genuinely don't think I can put into words how beyond bored I am. Not only that, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how arrogant I come across when I'm not crunching myself down to fit on someone's level so they don't feel like I'm mocking them when I'm literally just trying to talk with them or engage in passionate conversation. I get it, I'm smart, I know things, I'm good with problem solving, but why does it seem like I'm the only one so much? If it was a sometimes thing, I'd get it, but genuinely I can't think of anyone I can just go off about things with anymore without having to slow down and break everything into smaller, more understandable pieces because explaining is all I ever do! It's all I ever do and I never get to be passionate about it! I never get to say things because I want to because people don't know what the fuck I'm talking about when to me it seems like it would be common sense!

And it's getting worse in media as time goes on! People praise stories for how well written they are, how good the mysteries and puzzles were but they're one-dimensional! We don't even get a semblance that lives are still happening as people go through things because the world just Has to get put on hold while this one character has a crisis over Ooh Spooky School Mystery - I am fucking LOOKING AT YOU, NETFLIX'S WEDNESDAY I literally solved your ENTIRE PLOT in 5 seconds because OF FACIAL STRUCTURE while knowing NOTHING about the show and that was it there was no other storyline there was no other plot there was no other meat on the bone, do FUCKING BETTER.

And YOU, Markiplier. Mr Horror Game himself, who has openly shared his experience with nightmares and night terrors and the like and how you used to avoid scary games for fear of making them worse and you finally star in a podcast that is all lead-up with no payoff, and when you star in the series it may as well be as sustainable as cotton candy in a sauna because no seriously what the hell. You're "Markiplier, bitch". You couldn't have said anything to the writers? At all? Not only that but you commit one of the cardinal sins of being an author/creator at all and you ADMIT TO YOUR AUDIENCE YOU AREN'T AS SMART AS WE THINK YOU ARE WHEN THE CORE OF WHAT YOU CREATE REVOLVES AROUND PUZZLES AND COMPLICATIONS?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

And on the note of media, I literally cannot watch a show or movie, cannot listen to most damn songs, cannot read a single god-forsaken story without it having SOME sort of romantic or sexual plotline! And even when it's not the main focus, it's still key to the progression of what's actually happening! I get it, not everyone is ace or aro, that's a normal thing for most people, but why does that have to be the case?

Why is it even in the queer community when you see two people hanging out your automatic response is "oh I didn't know you two were dating" WHICH ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO ME AT ONE POINT AND I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW IMMENSELY DISAPPOINTED I WAS THAT SOMEONE LEAPT TO THAT CONCLUSION WHEN WE HAD DONE LITERALLY N O T H I N G TO INDICATE THAT WAS THE SITUATION. Not only that but with my m*ther's new boyfriend, I finally had the experience of a sleepover being mentioned and him laughing and going "So was it a sleepover or a sleepover?" Why does it fucking matter? WHY DOES IT MATTER? I have friends and we stay up late BIG WHOOP oh my lawd so scandalous! They're talking about neuroscience, how lewd!

Also, can we normalize not putting things in a sexual context? At all? Unless it is DIRECTLY A PART OF SEX AND NOTHING ELSE?

Can we normalize not wanting sex?

Can we normalize not making sex jokes and actually being smart with our humour?

Can we normalize being smart about things we do? At all?

Can we normalize stories actually being interesting and writers following the one kernel of advice I got that again seems like common sense that the job of an author/writer is to lie to the audience and then make that lie believable? Can we normalize people understanding that just because the world doesn't revolve around them doesn't mean it revolves around someone else? Can we normalize character development in real life? Can we normalize people not being absolutely terrible?

Can we normalize humans not being a literal plague of parasites because name one good thing a human has done that isn't either basic decency or is undoing some sort of harm that humans already caused? Can we normalize acknowledging that this species is objectively awful and deciding to do something about it to not be objectively awful? Can we normalize parents not being the worst thing to happen to a child?

Can we normalize being okay with death? Can we normalize death not being scary you're scared of it because after generations and generations of training yourself to be scared of change you are now programmed to be scared of change and change is literally the same thing as death and what does it matter oh no you're losing someone or something guess what that's what happens that's life "How can you say that you don't know what it's like to lose someone" my first memory was a funeral, I died before I even gained lucidity, and since then I have a list of around 40+ people and pets who I have lost that have affected me directly or by one degree of separation would you like me to fucking list them for you?

Can we normalize not giving humans stupid special treatments and then stigmatizing things like suicide? We put animals down when we as an outsider decide they have no quality of life but oh no if a human has no quality of life and they want to die they suddenly have So Much To Live For oh my gawd

And speaking of having things to live for, why have we all just collectively agreed it's fine that the things that make life "worth it" are literal torture survival methods. Life shouldn't have to be torture it should be enjoyable so why are we here

Maybe instead of worrying about how to make people live forever, doctors should be investigating WHY THE FUCK WE KEEP MAKING EVERYTHING HELL

So to sum up, humans are an idiotic, moronic, arrogant, self-isolated, ignorant, manipulative, narcissistic, exploitative, immature, unreliable, self-destructive, parasitic species of noisy, messy flesh suits who literally can't pull their act together if they tried and every day that continues without something being done is further proof of this.

When you actually sit down and think about it, psychology is really straightforward.

When you actually sit down and think about it, medicine is really straightforward.

When you actually sit down and think about it, astronomy and space related fields is ACTUALLY REALLY STRAIGHTFORWARD AND IF ANYONE HAD THE WHEREWITHAL TO NOT BE A TIGHTASS ABOUT THE NUMBERS AND METHODS AND FATHOM THAT MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING WE DON'T HAVE RECORDED "PROOF" OF YET THAT WORKS REALLY WELL, THEN IT WOULDN'T BE SO DAMN COMPLICATED, WOULD IT?!

Oh. By the way. Explain the concept of "one".

Numbers are another language humans pretend to speak and understand when all they're doing is reciting words and phrases and concepts they don't understand more than they understand how to be humane.

Oh wait.

That's another one.

Where's the humanity in literally anything that anyone does ever.

Another thing: the things that people get excited over, 9 times out of 10, it's something frankly stupid like a building. Or some mountain. "The world looks like this and people would rather live in cities and work 9 to 5s?" they are equally boring. One is just more detrimental to you and the environment.

Oh my storms there's trees, I've never seen that before.

Wow a really big rock that I wasted 8 hours flying oversees just to walk on! Wow!

Woah, light distortion but only a really specific kind of light distortion reflected by water! That happens literally everywhere else!

I get I'm the asshole here but if you are genuinely so starved for interesting things that you find water vapor on a road interesting and not because you're invested in the science of it because hyperfixation just Happens, then genuinely how boring is your life and do I need to call someone not that it would do anything because they probably wouldn't help.

Besides, if you're really invested in traveling because you want to "see the world", pictures exist. Recreations exist. "But it's not the same" so you're going for the energy, not the sites. "No I'm going to see the-" okay and? You can literally just look up a picture of it and wow congratulations you have now Seen That Thing.

I seriously have absolutely zero hope of things getting better or this species improving as a whole because while we're out here causing problems like the nuclear bombs, we also have a non-zero chance of being invested in something like a leaf collection. Literally what good is that going to do you at making the demon core Not Dangerous

Edit 1: I hate feeling like I have to be secretly smart. I talk about anything, I'm boasting. I try to explain, I'm talking down or talking back. I try to uplift other people, I'm mocking them and rubbing it in. I get it, I'm smart and you don't think you are, I grew up on riddles and mind games you grew up on enjoying whatever distraction you were given. Doesn't change the fact that I was ignored and scolded and that I was genuinely friends with the teachers because they were closer to being on my level and I was the one always sitting alone at lunch because I was the outcast of outcasts. I get it, I'm smart to a fault. Doesn't change the fact that I connect with people intellectually and there's a crushing disappointment when I realize people don't get something.

[the-firebird69]

LOL yeah he looks dumb he was in a normal format the other day and is not really upset about it and he's not smart enough to know he shouldn't be. People caught him and they know that he's dumb now. This father's stupid too and they're moved around. Sometimes like Ducks and he had to get hit a lot. But the inhaler might wear off in three months and that's not that bad the problem is all of us gonna wear off at the same time and he was saying it too but he does remember stopping that in Hillsboro he said he couldn't afford it and it was a lot of money but he wants to know the delivery because he stopped it opened the windows and started to heal drastically and actually true the body stores it in only a little comes out at a time it stores it in everything but the soft tissue probably doesn't have any and those lipoma probably have some in the bones have some and we did studies and we found out that the bones hold most of it but it does not preserve it and yes radiation affects it but not as much as it affects prilosec and risperdal as a little effect in Zyprexa it has more of an effect but radiation affects them strongly. And Hera is riding our wings that's weird. Other things are happening and they are that a grandson is feeling a little better and he is I just gotta take charge attitude I don't know about that but it's happening and he feels a little bit better but this stuff the inhaler. That might last a bit longer unfortunately it's the lungs that it affects and we saw him cough up some sputum which is good he says and it really is and he's been trying to get more iron and Redmond B complex it's working does say but that might be three months from now which would be mid October for him to show any significant growth then he's asking with the radiation do anything to it if it got that .01 rad or .02 rad and at those numbers it might not do anything add one tenth of one rad it might but mostly to the Prilosec Risperdal and Zyprexa but it would continue working for several months and even though you're a mega mutant so we're saying David's statistics were like in probably a few days he'd feel a lot better in a few weeks it would be out and you're saying it's probably 25 to 30% more so in a couple weeks it would be out which is fast and they're saying it might be 35 to 40% and I know how much bigger you are and what you say is that's felt right'cause he knows what was going on. Ohh my god and yeah his and he says that slang but really his nickname is Nanook and we've seen the nook and that is a big polar bear and he was not in Kingston that thing was hollow and he checked but he had people look because it might not be touching and we we checked it and solo but boy what's that it's hollow it's a statue like the big cow in Westboro which is really babe and that's actually Thor's he says he keeps saying it's mine and it's not and then it's Freya and that's what it really is because it was a cow. So it's kinda harsh and he knows about it women's stuff so it is. We have a lot to say about this but the radiation will not affect the inhaler as much as the other medicines but it seems like the inhaler stuff has had a little content and some people do check and we try to get the data and we have to watch out for it no everybody is gonna try and get bigger and that's another thing that's coming the max will try and get bigger in size and number of people. When that starts happening It's still on

[hms-no-fun]

if you don't mind me asking, how did you know you were polyamorous? how did you talk to your partner about being poly?

honestly it just sorta happened?

thing is, i've never been very good in monogamous relationships for a number of reasons. i'm extremely grey-asexual, and was even more so before i started HRT. and i found the idea that i had to be everything my partner needed very, uh. stressful. i swore off relationships for a number of years in my late 20s because i convinced myself i had to be aromantic and just couldn't really be with other people healthily.

my first post-transition gf was already dating someone else when we met, and she was openly poly. when things first started to seem like they might get, idk, "serious" between us, we did a group chat with her partner and just kinda talked it through. for whatever reason i never had a problem with it. frankly it felt natural. i'm not a jealous person, and i was uncomfortable with the presumption that i was supposed to be jealous. like if i found another person attractive that was shameful, or if someone showed attraction towards my partner that was an insult???? i mean it depends on the situation of course but like, god cishets really do seem to think that a human person is always in total control of their thoughts and the movement of their eyes, neither of which is basically ever true but they're ESPECIALLY not true when you're under pressure to never commit thought crime against [checks notes] a person you presumably want to spend a significant amount of time with?? christ, imagine having a relationship that fragile, that tense. exhausting!

obviously, this is a conversation. every relationship is different. my gf and i discussed our boundaries and felt like, casual sex is fine, but if we start feeling like someone might be a new Big Relationship Person we should talk it out first. not in a judgy "i'm telling you what to do" way, but just. idk, a new partner tends to eat time, and that's great! but it's also easy to get carried away and grow neglectful. it's a negotiation more about time and commitment and etc etc that changes shape every time. there's nothing threatening to it imo

i'm a reclusive person. i need my own time and my own space. being poly comes naturally to me because i always found monogamous relationships tiresome. i'd literally dream of being in a relationship where i didn't have to be everything, where i could watch my partner and someone else be cute together and be both extremely happy that she's happy, AND extremely relieved that i don't have to make myself be affectionate all the time when i'm just not feeling up for it.

and like. i met my second gf because she was dating a girl i had a crush on who had a crush on me. after getting to know that girl better i felt like, idk, i don't know if i want to DATE her, but i still want to be good friends. i think our current setup, as i guess "metamours", is the ideal relationship. i've got my two gfs, i've got my gf's gf, i'm surrounded by smart and sexy women who care about me and it rules!

i always struggled to understand why romantic feelings were so contentious for other people. i remember expressing to a friend that i had a crush on him when we were in high school and he FLIPPED SHIT, and i had to run it back super hard and play it off as a joke. but it didn't make sense to me that he'd be offended because, idk, doesn't everyone fall a little bit in love with the people they spend all their time with? isn't it normal for good friends to want to platonically kiss a little after a good game of halo 3? took me a VERY long time to learn that no, actually, apparently they don't. it was always so torturous to feel like, man, i have this crush and i know it's not gonna go anywhere, but if i don't say it out loud and just find out for sure how they feel, i'll never be able to let it go... then again IF i say it then there's a better than zero chance that they'll hate me forever, suddenly, for some reason. to me they were just feelings, weird little chemical jolts that give you funny thoughts, and yet to other people they seemed as real as a knife to the throat. so i got into the habit of never expressing those feelings. very good and healthy behavior our society encourages

i never understood why no one believed me when i said that if you don't feel the same way about me as i feel about you, that's fine. not long after i came out as trans, i told a girl i spent a lot of time with that i had a crush on her, and she was like... well, she expressed disappointment because she'd told me not a week before that she wasn't a lesbian and really disliked how often she got pegged as a lesbian. which was surreal because i was still like, baby baby baby trans and i hadn't put those twos together. she took my gender more seriously than i did! and we pretty much stopped being friends after that, which was such a bummer.

so polyamory comes naturally to me. it feels like the way i always wanted relationships to work but dared never dream they realistically could. it helps that i'm almost 33 and just generally fucking Over It vis-a-vis traditional romantic bullshit. i always hated small talk and dating, performing the ritual of Getting To Know Each Other. the person you put on when you want someone to like you isn't really you and i always knew that. i've never been capable of being anyone other than myself and it's just, it's SO nice to be with people who are just as easygoing about relationships as i am.

love isn't a commodity, it isn't scarce, and it isn't a zero sum game.

polyamory isn't easy, of course. it requires a level of vulnerability and honesty that, i mean, is just as necessary in monogamous relationships too? but monogamous relationships tend to come with the assumption of pretending to love each other for the sake of their financial-biological business arrangement ("marriage"), at least in my experience. so they're "easy" in the sense that we have a common cultural understanding of what a marriage is supposed to look like (blissfully happy or bitterly resentful, nothing in between). we don't have centuries of polyam stories to tell us how we're supposed to hate each other- ugh sorry i'm being really salty here lmao. we don't have centuries of polyam stories to tell us what a polycule is "supposed" to look like, so you kinda have to invent it yourself. that requires honest conversation and a LOT of patience, which i say again is sort of a prerequisite for any healthy relationship but we live in a fucking insane society that thinks love is a glory hole that cooks dinner for you, so i guess polyamory has a reputation as being "harder." i don't think it is.

it's just like anything in life, really. you work at it and sometimes the work pays off and sometimes it doesn't. you fuck it up over and over until you don't. there are shitty people who will use any system or dynamic to get what they want out of others, but that's not a result of being with multiple people, that's a result of being raised by aforementioned fucking insane society and, generally, a shitty person being true to their nature.

[chatonne-rousse]

Turtle-y Awesome

@sketchy-panda sent me the following ask last week:

...and this is the story that sprang from that ask. You never know what you're going to get when you share a headcanon with me! 😉

Read it on Ao3 here.

"...et puit, quand il fut bien certain que personne ne pouvait le voir, Benjamin alluma sa veilleuse."

Adrien turns the last worn page and sets the book beside his knee on Hugo's bed.

"What do you think, kitten? Benjamin was turtle-y being a scaredy-cat, wasn't he?"

Hugo giggles, eyes bright. "He's not a cat, Papa, he's a turtle!"

Adrien nods sagely at his son. "Right you are," he says, patting the book's cover. "If this book tortoise anything, it's that Benjamin is definitely a turtle."

The number of turtle puns in the world is finite, and Hugo has heard his dad tell them all repeatedly, but he still laughs every time. The sound is music to Adrien's ears. He grins as he leans down to tuck the duvet around Hugo's shoulders and lifts his son's dark fringe to place a kiss on his forehead.

"Can we read another story, Papa? I'm not even tired."

Hugo's big green eyes scrunch shut as he yawns widely.

"Mmhmm. I can tell. You know what?" Adrien grabs another stuffed turtle from the bookcase and tucks it in beside the Carapace plushie already cradled in Hugo's arms. "Monsieur Vert looks very tired. He was almost sleeping over there! Maybe if you hold him really, really gently, that will help him fall asleep. I'm sure Carapace is tuckered out after a long day of superheroing, too."

"He is," Hugo says, nodding. He strokes his little hand up and over Monsieur Vert's soft shell. "I'll help them, Papa."

Adrien smiles even as his chest squeezes with emotion. "I know you will, my kind-hearted kitten." He can't resist pressing another kiss to Hugo's forehead and delights in receiving a loud, smacking kiss to his own cheek in return.

The turtle lamp on the nightstand is switched off and the Carapace nightlight beside the bookshelf activates, dim light glowing green through the plastic.

"Bonne nuit, ma petite tortue."

He watches his son cuddle his turtle and Carapace close as the closing door slowly eclipses the bed in shadow from the hallway light. Leaving the door open a crack, Adrien listens for a moment as Hugo gets comfortable in his bed.

He smiles as he pads down the hall toward Emma's room to join his wife for another round of goodnight kisses for their precious kittens.

*****

"Kitty, this is getting ridiculous. How is that the only thing he wants for his birthday?" Marinette shakes her head, but her grin betrays her lack of any real annoyance.

Adrien rubs his face and groans. "I know. Believe me, I know. Can you imagine if Nino knew?"

That surprises her. "You haven't told him? I told Alya ages ago when he said Carapace was his favorite." She thinks for a moment. "I don't think I've shared the, um...depth of the obsession, though."

He stares at her, deadpan, before they both laugh.

"Turtles I could handle, Mari. They're cute. They're green." He bats his eyes at her and she swats his arm playfully. "But Carapace? Carapace? When Chat Noir is right there? I don't get it."

"Awww, Chaton. Is my kitty jealous?"

"Of course not," he says, pouting, though he can't keep up the ruse and his smile breaks through. "Okay, maybe a little."

"Nino made a wonderful hero, and is the perfect holder for Wayzz, and you know it."

She scooches closer to him on the sofa and rubs his back gently. His eyes close for just a moment before opening them to find his wife gazing at him with what might just be his favorite look in her eyes - a teasing glint, a touch of heat, and an endless well of love. Everything goes fuzzy momentarily, but he catches her next words clearly.

"Besides, my favorite hero will always be Chat Noir. Always."

"Yeah?" he breathes.

She nods.

Her eyes go wide when he hauls her petite frame from the sofa beside him and settles her across his lap. She laughs as she wraps her arms around his neck and presses a kiss to his lips.

"What a coincidence, My Lady," he murmurs into the whisper of space between them, "because my favorite hero--" He pauses, kissing her again, "is also Chat Noir."

There's a beat of silence and then she's laughing, pressing her face into the crook of his neck to muffle her giggles. His arms tighten around her shaking shoulders as he laughs along with her, swept away by the sweet sound he will always love. There's no joy in the world quite like making his wife laugh.

"You know I'm kidding, Bug," he finally whispers into her hair when their laughter subsides. "Emma and I share a favorite hero. The greatest of all. Prettiest, too. Oh, wow, is she ever beautiful. And strong. And smart."

"Rena Rouge?" Marinette asks cheekily, her nose still pressed to his neck.

"Nooooo," he croons, tickling her sides until she laughs again. "It's Ladybug, jumping above, Lady magique et lady chance!"

"Kitty, no!" she begs through her giggles, "Don't get that in my head!"

"Too late!"

He silences the last of her laughter when he captures her lips with his, twin sighs mingling in the late-night quiet of the living room.

With forever in his arms and their shared future asleep down the hall, Adrien simply loses himself in this blissful moment, forgetting that their baby will turn five next weekend, that the passage of time is as inevitable as the dichotomy of creation and destruction. Wrapped up in his wife, time seems to stop altogether. Marinette - her love, her care, their unshakeable bond - is eternal.

But of course, the clock still ticks. And when they part a few minutes later, after one last kiss and a nuzzle of her nose against his, he still has to ask.

"So we're really throwing Hugo a Carapace-themed birthday party?"

She nods. "Yep."

"And we're buying him the new Shell-ter Secret Hideout Super Bunker, complete with Carapace action figure, power-ups, costume changes, a Turtle-mobile sports car that Nino never had, and four different colored shields that he also never had?"

"There's a jet, too, for some reason. But...yep."

Adrien nods slowly, a smile spreading across his face. "He's going to love it."

"Oh, he is," she affirms, her grin matching her husband's. "And so is Uncle Nino."

He snorts a laugh and pulls her close once more, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo.

"This'll be hilarious."

Marinette smiles against his shoulder.

"Yep."

*****

Everything is green.

Their normally colorful apartment seems to have transformed into an emerald dreamscape that doubles as a turtle sanctuary.

Everything is green, and there are turtles everywhere.

Sea turtles, tortoises, turtles of all kinds - including a certain turtle-themed superhero - adorn every surface. Adrien had been surprised by the amount of Carapace party merchandise he was able to find online. He's used to the numerous Carapace items in Hugo's bedroom, pieces he's added to his collection one by one over the past year or so. But this, his best friend's face dangling from streamers, emblazoned on little party hats, is just a little weird.

He's proud, though. A little jealous, a lot amused, and very, very proud. No desperately sad, pitifully lonely teenage boy has ever found a better friend than Nino Lahiffe. He's the brother of his heart, the mellow to his anxious, the staunch protector of their little group of best friends and hero teammates. Adrien has to admit that Hugo has great taste in favorite superheroes.

Someday he'll discover that his idol is also his Uncle Nino, but today is not that day. Today, the magic and wonder still shines in his son's eyes, and it's a beautiful thing.

Adrien putters around the kitchen making last-minute preparations to the food and drink selection, making sure there are plenty of cups and plates (all printed with a Carapace action scene, of course) stacked on the island. Oddly, he couldn't find Carapace napkins to go along with the other paper goods, but Marinette had saved the day by snagging a pack of sea turtle patterned napkins that coordinated perfectly in a pinch.

He smiles at the thought of his resourceful bug, his grin widening as he hears her welcome guests at the door. This is followed by a squeal of glee when Hugo and two of his classmates run off to his bedroom to play. Adrien shakes his head, still smiling. He'll have to lure them out in a bit with snacks and the promise of gifts and cake.

It's not like he doesn't already know from several years of experience that children's birthday parties are mostly adults mingling and intermittently making sure the kids don't get into too much mischief as they play together.

He takes the spinach quiche from the oven where it was warming up and sets it on the table with the other food, rebelliously placing a black potholder with a neon green pawprint pattern under the hot ceramic dish.

A towering, tiered tray of green macarons has pride of place on the dining room table, the top half of each cookie painted to look like a turtle's shell in edible glittering gold. They look almost too pretty to eat, and the same goes for the expertly-decorated turtle cake nearby, made by Hugo's grandparents and brought straight from the bakery for his big day.

The vegetable plate is an array of green, from broccoli to peppers to celery. The party has barely begun, but the celery is already running low, thanks to Emma's clandestine snacking in the hours beforehand.

Everything is green, and Hugo loves it. And that's what it's all about, really.

*****

Adrien is on his way back from checking in on the now half dozen kids playing in Hugo's room when he hears Alya's laughter from the entryway. Clearly she's spotted the party decor. He rounds the corner to find Marinette hugging her best friend, Alya's pregnant belly only getting in the way a bit and not stopping her from throwing her arms around Marinette's shoulders.

"Sorry we're late, Mari," she says, then pitches her voice to a stage whisper. "I had to pee. Twice." She leans back from the hug and cradles her bump. "Actually, I'm just going to..." She points down the hall, and Marinette laughs.

"Go for it, Als. We've all been there."

Nino is still crouched by the door, helping his daughter out of her jacket and shoes. He just shakes his head and laughs. She races off to find her "cousins" and Nino stands, kissing Marinette on each cheek and wrapping Adrien in a hug.

Surveying the apartment over Adrien's shoulder, he claps him on the back and says, "I love what you've done with the place. Very inspired design choice."

Adrien rolls his eyes and all three of them laugh.

"Hugo is obsessed with turtles. You have no idea."

"Oh, I think he has some idea, Minou." Marinette smiles at her husband over her shoulder, linking arms with Alya when she joins them again and ushering her into the green-bedecked living room.

He glances sidelong at Nino with a sheepish grin. "This isn't too weird for you, is it? It was all Hugo's idea. He hasn't stopped talking about his 'Carapace Turtle Party' for weeks," Adrien says, air quotes included.

"Nah, mec, it's cool. Kind of flattering." Nino raises an eyebrow and laughs. "What do you think he'll say when you tell him someday?"

Adrien just shakes his head. "Probably ask if you can adopt him and be his dad instead." His smile is teasing but just a touch rueful.

Nino laughs again. "No way, man. Number one, I've already got enough kids. Number two, you're the best dad. They love you like crazy, bro. Seriously."

His chest fills with warmth. Nino is such an incredible friend. And he's right (about the last bit, at least).

"They're incredible, Nino. Being a dad is..." He trails off, unable to find the words.

"I know, dude." He claps Adrien on the shoulder. "They're a pain in the ass, but they make up for it by being totally awesome."

Nino glances around, finally spotting the table full of green food and turtle-themed treats.

"Wait. Bro. Is that a turtle cake?"

*****

"You know," Nino says a few minutes later, washing down a matcha macaron with a swig of turtle punch, "I could get used to this. It would mess with my head, but after a while--" he looks at the cup with his face on it and shrugs, "it's not so strange. Better than having my face plastered on a billboard outside the Galeries Lafayette."

Adrien groans. "Et tu, Brute? Why would you remind me of that?"

"Because I can." Nino takes another bite of macaron and nudges his best friend's shoulder, laughing.

*****

As the kids snack and carry on, Adrien finally decides it's time to let his best friend see the Carapace shrine that is his son's bedroom.

Nino takes in Hugo's completely green, turtle-filled bedroom as Adrien waits with bated breath beside him for his reaction.

It is, as usual, relatively chill.

"Little dude has good taste!"

"Indeed." Wayzz peeks from Nino's collar with a pleased smile on his face. "The turtle has always symbolized wisdom, strength, and longevity." His tiny smile widens. "I'm also partial to the color green."

Nino steps farther into Hugo's room to examine the bookcase. "I...did not know they made this much Carapace merch."

"Believe me, there's more. We have to draw the line somewhere." Adrien closes his eyes and sighs. "Although he does brush his teeth with a Carapace toothbrush."

Nino's laugh starts as a snort and builds when he spots the Carapace wastebasket beside Hugo's bed and the Carapace plushie propped against his pillow. It turns positively raucous when he sees his best friend's face.

"Holy crap, dude," he wheezes. "This is hilarious. You must be so jealous."

"I am not!"

"You totally are."

"Well--" Adrien sputters, "Marinette is, too!"

"Not as much as you are, Kitty!" she calls from the living room.

Adrien throws his hands in the air. Nino doubles over.

"Chat Noir is cool, too," he mutters, petulant.

A still-laughing Nino pats his arm consolingly. "If it makes you feel any better, Chat Noir is my favorite hero...after Rena Rouge."

That actually does make him feel better, but he's not telling Nino that. Instead, he just grins a sly half-smile at his best friend. "Good save, man."

"Hey, I know which side my bread is buttered on, mec. Don't act like you don't."

Adrien is helpless to the smile that spreads across his face.

Nino groans. "You've been married for seven years, dude. Are you ever not going to go all gooey just thinking about Marinette?"

Adrien quirks an eyebrow and glances sidelong at him. Nino nods once and pats Adrien's shoulder.

"That was a dumb question, wasn't it?"

"Yep," Marinette says from the hallway behind them.

Adrien's heart beats faster at the twinkle in her eye. He wonders how much she heard. Probably all of it - she always did have sonic hearing, but motherhood seemed to ramp it up to eleven. Not much escapes his wife.

"Time for cake and presents," she announces. "Nino, you can revel in Hugo's Carapace shrine later."

"And I will, don't you worry," Nino says with a laugh as he turns to head back to the party.

Adrien throws an arm over his best friend's shoulder and smiles brightly at Marinette.

Hugo has merch, but Adrien has a real, live Ladybug who promised eternity to her Chat Noir. He holds his own favorite superhero in his arms every night, and nothing, nothing compares to that.

*****

Surrounded by wrapping paper and bows, the birthday boy sits on the floor with one last gift in front of him. The box is taller than he is when seated, and he has to stand up on his knees to tear the paper off the top. As soon as he can see what's inside, he shouts with glee and jumps to his feet. Overjoyed, he scampers around the coffee table to his parents, first thanking Marinette with a hug and kiss, then getting swept up in Adrien's arms for a bear hug.

The fact that Hugo doesn't push away from him to return to his barely-unwrapped gift is not lost on him, nor is the fact that he abandoned it and thought to thank them first in his excitement.

Sometimes Adrien feels like he's been given so much more than he deserves. Marinette alone is a blessing beyond his imagination, but Emma and Hugo, too? It's too much and he knows it, so he holds them close and relishes every single moment like this one with his little boy hugging him tight and murmuring thanks into his neck.

A few minutes later finds Hugo examining every detail of his new treasure (after Adrien wrangled all the parts out of their plastic-encased prison).

He claps his hands when he sees that this set comes with a bonus Chat Noir action figure in addition to Carapace and his shields of many colors.

"Maman!" he cries, jubilant, holding Chat Noir above his head so she can see. "Look! It has Chat Noir! You love Chat Noir!"

Blushing, Marinette pointedly avoids looking in the direction of the two moms of Hugo's school friends who've stayed for the party but smiles widely at her son. "I do. He's my favorite superhero of all time."

Hugo nods, turning to his dad where he sits beside him on the floor, struggling to snip the tiny plastic anchors holding each piece to the cardboard backing.

"See, Papa? He's Carapace's sidekick."

"Hey!" Adrien says indignantly. He looks up from the mess of cardboard and plastic in his lap as Marinette, Alya, and Nino laugh.

Nino, best bro that he is, chimes in. "Nah, little man, Chat Noir is no one's sidekick. He's way too brave and cool for that." He grins at Hugo and points first to the Carapace action figure on the coffee table and then to Chat Noir in his hand. "They're a team. Best friends and superheroes at the same time. That's why they're so awesome."

Hugo looks at the Chat Noir figure for a long moment. "Wow," he breathes. "Chat Noir is as cool as Carapace." He says it like a revelation that's rocked his entire worldview.

Alya sniffles and Marinette hands her a tissue.

"Okay, but Ladybug is still the coolest," Emma pipes up from Hugo's other side.

All the adults besides Marinette nod. Adrien reaches around Hugo to pat Emma's back.

"You're absolutely correct, kitten."

Marinette blushes again and Alya blows her nose.

Hugo tucks Carapace into the driver's seat of the Turtle-mobile with Chat Noir beside him as his passenger, racing the sports car across the rug toward his friends so they can play with his new toys, too.

Adrien looks from his son to his own best friend, and Nino gives him a thumbs up and a grin.

*****

Later, when the dishes are washed and their living room looks slightly less like a turtle habitat, Adrien sits on the sofa with a cup of tea and watches Hugo play with his new, treasured birthday gifts. The Shell-ter Secret Hideout Super Bunker is open, its many accessories strewn around Hugo where he sits cross-legged, Carapace in his left hand and Chat Noir in his right.

"I'll protect you!" "Carapace" cries, Hugo's voice pitched to sound brave and true but still carrying his sweet child's tone.

"Thank you for keeping My Lady safe, Carapace!"

Adrien snorts a surprised laugh into his tea. "Chat Noir" speaks in a husky growl, though Hugo gives him a note of cheery confidence, as though he truly appreciates Carapace's brave deeds, as though Chat Noir can take the decisive cataclysmic swing knowing his beloved partner is safe from harm.

And honestly, Hugo has the right of it. Adrien wonders how his son could possibly know that this exact scene - with slightly different dialogue, of course - played out many times over, years before he was born.

Hugo mimics the sound of an explosion, then an "oof!" as Chat Noir falls to his back but springs up again quickly. Just as Carapace returns to Chat's side with a confident, "What can I do to help save the day, Chat Noir?", Marinette's hands snake around Adrien's shoulders from behind, surprising him.

He sets his mug on a coaster on the end table and wraps his hands around her forearms, pulling her in closer. Leaned over the back of the sofa, she nuzzles his cheek with hers before pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I think we pulled off the dream turtle party pretty well, don't you, Chaton?"

"Oh, we turtle-y did."

Adrien delights in the huff of laughter she exhales against his cheek. That might be the most overused pun in the house, but sometimes it still lands just right. They watch Hugo play, matching grins making their cheeks press closer together.

"Looks like that was one shell of a gift, eh?"

He swoons dramatically, his head falling to the back cushion of the sofa so he looks at Marinette upside-down. "My Lady, you know what it does to me when you pun."

"Oh, I do," she says, completely unapologetic, and boops his nose.

He just has to lean up to kiss her because, well, she's so beautiful and he loves her so much and she's right there.

They break apart a moment later when they hear Emma call for Marinette from her bedroom. She plants one last upside-down kiss on his forehead and lets her hands drift slowly across his chest and shoulders as she stands.

She gives him a wry smile. "Duty calls."

"Hmmm," he hums thoughtfully, picking up his tea and taking another sip. "And here I thought her name was Emma."

Marinette groans at him as she walks away, and the sound catches Hugo's attention.

"Papa? Will you play superheroes with me?"

Of course. Always. I will never, ever be too busy for my kittens, he thinks.

"Sure, buddy," he says instead.

Finishing his tea in one big gulp, he slides from the sofa and scampers on hands and knees like a giant cat to where his son is playing. Hugo giggles at his dad's ridiculousness.

Adrien takes stock of the many accessories scattered around the play set and asks, "What are Chat Noir and Carapace up to today?"

Hugo explains the situation, the bad guy's motives, and what the heroes need to do to save Paris from disaster. Adrien listens carefully. Looking up at him with green eyes that match his own, big and wide and crinkled at the corners with his happy smile, Hugo offers the Chat Noir action figure to his dad.

"Will you be Chat Noir, Papa? He's Carapace's best friend in the world and they need to work together to save the day."

Adrien cradles the action figure in one hand and gently pats the pocket where Plagg hides with the other. His kwami presses a paw against his chest in return. Overwhelmed, all he can do is grin at Hugo and try not to cry.

"It would be my greatest honor," he vows grandly, holding up a hand in oath. "I purr-omise to be the best hero I can be. Cat's honor."

Hugo laughs. "You said honor twice."

"So I did. That's because it's very important."

His son nods solemnly, then reaches for Carapace's super jet. He places the hero in the cockpit and flies the jet around his head, making zooming noises.

"Are you ready, Chat Noir? I'm coming to pick you up!"

The jet has only one seat, but that doesn't seem to bother Hugo. Adrien readies the tiny plastic baton in Chat Noir's hand and uses it to vault from his own knee into the imaginary sky over Paris.

"Meow-velous!" he crows, delighted. "This cat is ready to be whiskered away in your very realistic jet! Allons-y, my turtle friend!"

Hugo giggles, Adrien's heart melts, and they set off on a grand adventure together.

[gureishi]

Wow...the prompts? They're all good. Can you write something angst for Jumin and a female MC, with number 11? I don't mind NSFW. Congrats on 100. You deserve them all and more! 💜😌

TruUUEE. You are too good to me as always. Thank you for saying so ♡

And thank you for this wonderful prompt, and giving me an excuse to write about vulnerable Jumin—my favorite Jumin!

This “ficlet” sprawled into an absolute monstrosity because I got carried away with tearful Jumin and then it got sexy and...oh dear.

eleven: i could only be myself with you around

JuminXReader, E (oral sex, fingering), words: 3887

Warning: NSFW (eventually, I swear)~ Don’t proceed if you don’t wanna read smut <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・

When he comes home, his eyes are dark.

You look up from your book; you’re incredibly comfortable on the couch, a blanket tucked around your legs, a cup of tea beside you. There’s a fire in the fireplace and the room is finally just the temperature you like it. You were feeling sleepy.

You’re not feeling so sleepy anymore.

He shuts the door, too hard, and his posture is stiff as crosses the living room with a few purposeful strides. 

“Hi, honey,” you say, and your voice comes out reedy and thin, because you know something is wrong.

He looms over you, and you don’t feel scared—never scared, not of him—but you can’t help but look down, fidgeting with the fringe on the blanket. He kisses your forehead and it feels cursory; you feel a little pang of annoyance. He still hasn’t said anything to you.

Briefly, his hand lingers on the top of your head, and momentarily, you’re comforted—this is a habit. But then he moves away, walking with that same fast, stilted pace. He’s still wearing his shoes.

“Jumin,” you say to his back. He hesitates, and you suppose you’ve taken him by surprise—he’s honey or darling more than he’s Jumin, and you know your voice sounds strange. But he is strange tonight; you’ve waited up for him, and on an ordinary day his eyes would light up, his face splitting into the warm, soft smile he reserves just for you. You feel its absence like a tug behind your ribcage.

“I need a moment,” he says at last, and his voice is oddly high-pitched, like he hasn’t caught his breath.

You kick the blanket off your knees, upsetting your book as you stand.

“What’s…”

He disappears into the bedroom, shuts the door.

“…wrong,” you finish, lamely.

What?

Suddenly, the room doesn’t feel so cozy; the off-white (“winter wood,” Jumin says it’s called) walls feel bare and too far apart and the ceiling feels too high and the perfectly-arranged furniture seems cold and uninviting. You trace his footsteps, silent in your stockinged feet.

You’ve only lived in this new house together a few months, and the excitement hasn’t quite worn off. Most days when you’re home before he is, he arrives in a hurry and sweeps you into his arms, dipping you low and kissing you earnestly. There have been days he’s come home tired, of course, or worried—and on those days, you’ve put on a record and shared a bottle of wine, hands intertwined under one of your many soft white throw blankets.

Today, he looks like he’s seen a ghost.

���Honey…?” You linger at the door, press your ear against it. Nothing. “You’re worrying me,” you say. You hear shuffling, the familiar sound of him removing his jacket, laying it on the pile for the dry cleaner. “I’m coming in,” you tell him, louder—because it is your bedroom, too, and your heart is in your throat. 

Silence. You push open the door.

He hasn’t turned on any lights, and it takes a moment for your eyes to adjust. Your husband is sitting on the edge of the bed, his jacket off, his head bent, his face in his hands. He’s still wearing his stupid shoes.

You want to bend over him and kiss the very top of his head, tickle his sensitive sides till he smiles. But everything about him says stay away: the angle of his head and the rigidness of his shoulders. The way his sleeves are still buttoned as if he isn’t in his own home.

You take a hesitant step toward him and at least he doesn’t stop you.

“Darling, will you please talk to me?” you say. He looks so small to you then: vulnerable and afraid.

For a moment, he’s quiet, and you think that he may continue to ignore you. Then you notice that his broad, muscular shoulders are shaking. It’s barely perceptible, but you see it.

“I cannot be with you right now,” he says at last, his voice muffled by his hands. “If I am with you I will cry.”

That does it. Throwing caution to the wind, you leap onto the bed, jarring him a little. He peers up at you out of the corner of his eye and you’re shocked to see that it is, in fact, slightly red-rimmed.

“Then you should cry,” you say. “It’s what I’m here for.”

He hesitates, and you watch him do battle with himself for a moment, torn between instinct and impulse, old habits and new routines. You wait, letting him decide.

At last, the side of him that has been gradually unfurling since the day you met him wins. He raises his head from his hands and reaches for you, holding his arms out like the lonely child you know he once was.

And you are relived, because this is the man you married.

With perhaps slightly too much enthusiasm, you crawl into his lap, draping your legs to one side and wrapping your arms around his neck. It’s taken time for him to adjust to this kind of full-body contact—it’s as alien to him as it natural to you. Still, he rests his head against the crook of your neck.

“I’m sorry,” he says, and his lips brush your skin, making you squirm. “I would never want to make you worry.”

You play with the back of his collar with your fingertips. “Sometimes I will worry, because I love you,” you say. “Just please don’t hide from me.”

He tilts his head so he can—finally—look at you properly. His steely gray eyes are glazed over and you know this look, though you haven’t seen it in a long time.

“Tell me what you’ve been holding back all day,” you say, as he reaches up with a long finger to brush the hair off your forehead—another familiar gesture, which soothes you.

He adjusts a little so he’s cradling you, one arm over your shoulders, the other under your legs. He leans his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. He’s stalling for time, but you don’t mind—his chest is warm and solid through his perfectly-pressed shirt and you take the opportunity to bathe yourself in his warm woody scent. He’s working so much lately, more than usual, and sometimes when you’re home alone in the evening you spritz his cologne in the air so you feel less lonely. You don’t tell him this.

“May I ask you a question, my love?” he says. He still has that closed-off look in his eyes but he sounds more like himself, deep and warm and wonderful.

“Of course.”

“When you met me, was I…” He clears his throat, awkwardly fiddles with his cufflinks. You gently separate his hands, remove the cufflinks. Unbutton the sleeves. “Was I…not a good person?”

You drop the cufflink. It falls to the floor with a jarring clink. You’re not sure what you were expecting, but that wasn’t it. You bend over, reaching for the little piece of metal; he stops you with a firm hand on your shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it,” he says. “Please tell me what you think.”

No, you almost respond automatically. No, I thought you were wonderful. But the look in his eyes begs a more thoughtful answer than that. With practiced fingers, you roll up one of his shirt sleeves. You run one finger up his forearm, from his wrist to his elbow, tracing the tense muscles there.

“When I met you, I thought you were frighteningly smart and stunningly beautiful,” you say. You roll up his other sleeve, carefully folding the silky smooth fabric. “I’d never met anyone like you before. I was impressed by you, and I also thought you looked like you needed a gentle slap on the face and then a really good, tight hug. Does that…make sense?”

You tug his perfectly-tucked shirt out of his pants. You can’t stand him looking too put-together at home. He can do that everywhere else; home is for comfort.

“It…does,” he says slowly. “But I think perhaps you were the only one with that opinion of me.”

You look into his face and are startled to see tears at the corners of his eyes. You’re not sure you’ve seen him cry since your wedding day.

“Will you tell me what happened today?” you ask, wiping away the tears with your fingertips. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath—he is breathing in your scent just as you did his, you think.

“In truth, it was nothing of note.” He goes for his sleeves again, realizes you’ve rolled them up. Instead, he settles his hands at your waist, threading his fingers through your belt loops. “I had lunch with a…former colleague. He is the president of a Chinese company, and I haven’t spoken to him in several years.”

Ah. “And you felt like the version of you he was expecting to see and the person you are now aren’t the same?”

Jumin actually laughs at that, his eyes growing wide. There’s a little of his usual ardor behind them now.

“You, my dear, know me far better than I know myself.”

“I know I do.”

You kiss his eyebrow and he covers both your hips with his big hands. You trail kisses down the side of his face, kiss away the last of the tears that have formed at the inner corners of his eyes.

“I felt as though he was speaking to a man who no longer exists,” Jumin says, closing his eyes; you kiss his eyelashes. “I felt the urge to tell him so. I felt angry. And then I felt…” He trails off.

“Grief?” you offer. You continue your trajectory, feathering kisses down the bridge of his nose. You kiss his cupid’s bow and he groans, low in his throat, barely audible.

“How strange,” he says. “Why should I feel grief for myself?”

“It’s normal to grieve the ways in which parts of you disappear over time,” you say. You lift a hand to his neck, undo his tie. It slips easily through your fingers; you’ve done this so many times before.

He exhales heavily, and it’s sad and relieved and needy all at once.

“And then I felt afraid,” he says. “Because I knew I would come home to you and feel the things I had been trying not to feel all day. Because that, my darling, is what you do to me.”

“Sounds like your feelings scared us both a little bit today,” you say. His tie is off; you toss it aside. It joins the stray cufflink on the floor.

“Feelings can be very frightening,” he says. He’s been still this whole time; suddenly, he springs to action as if he’s been waiting for his moment to pounce. His hands skim over your sides, grasp your shoulders, turning you firmly so you’re twisted in his lap—nose-to-nose with him.

“I would like to take a warm shower,” he says. His gaze is unwavering and you melt a little. “I would like you to join me,” he adds.

He doesn’t phrase it like a question, but you know it is. It always is, with him—his eyes ask for your acquiesce and his hands on your shoulders are tentative, waiting for your answer.

“Take me there,” you say. He lifts you easily, carries you in his arms as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. His knitted eyebrows say otherwise—he’s holding himself back, his hand clenching at your shirt as if it’s taking all his patience not to tear it off.

He sets you down gently on your feet on the cool, clear tiles of the master bathroom. He’s gone in an instant: dimming the light, turning on the shower. It’s such a huge shower—you were shocked the first time you saw the designs. It has three faucets and a marble bench for sitting, or shaving your legs, or…other activities.

“Do you want to undress me or do you want to watch?” you ask him, playfully striking a pose—knowing he loves the choice, loves to feel he has you in the palm of his hand.

He looks you up and down, pupils huge, hair delightfully disheveled—for Jumin, anyway—one stray lock hanging over his eyes.

“I want to watch,” he says, and there’s none of the coldness in his voice now, only chocolatey depth and unbidden desire.

So you undress for him, to the rainforest rushing sound of the shower’s many faucets, turning as you lift your shirt over your head, wriggling out of your pants slowly, revealing just a strip of skin at a time. You give him a cheeky glance of the lacy strap of your underwear, of your hips, of your ass, which (you know because you check in the massive mirror hanging over the door) is framed adorably by your gauzy thong.

“I am running out of patience,” he says—growls—and you feel a hot, wonderful flush creeping up the back of your neck.

“Then come get me,” you say.

So he does, crossing the large bathroom and unhooking your bra in one smooth motion. He tears it from you and throws it to the ground. He spins you to face him and his dark eyes are simmering, his grip on your shoulders tight—but still restrained, not painful. Never painful.

“Do you want to know what image I couldn’t get out of my mind on the drive to work this morning?” he whispers, and you shiver.

“I do.”

He slides your thong down your legs, planting searing kisses over your hips, your thighs, your calves, your ankles. He’s kneeling at your feet now and the sight of him there, his beautiful head bent, almost drives you mad.

“I’ll show you,” he says. Then he’s on his feet again and he’s unbuttoning his shirt—with much more patience than he claims to have—slowly, scrupulously, as if to torture you both.

“Now I’m impatient,” you say, and you go for his belt. He laughs as you struggle to unhook it and the laugh turns to a low moan as your hands graze his erection, straining against his fitted vicuña pants. You deal with the buckle and make quick work of the pants, draping them over the sink—you don’t care what Jumin says, these pants are much too expensive to throw in a heap on the bathroom floor.

Now you’re the one kneeling before him, and he does a double-take as he sees the position you’re in. Even now, after all this time, after getting married, after moving into your custom-built home, he blushes. It’s this—his unexpected innocence, his charming traditionalism—that never fails to bewitch you.

“I will if you want me to,” you say, slipping his Swiss cotton underwear over his hipbones with adoring hands. He stands absolutely still, but you feel his hips trembling.

“I want you to,” he whispers. So you take him in your mouth—just the tip at first, moving your tongue in a circle, running a hand down his length. He moans again, low, breathy. You feel his muscles stretch as he reaches up, grabs onto the top of the glass shower door.

You slide his cock further into your mouth, one hand still at the base, and he mutters something you don’t understand. You breathe in and out slowly, creating suction as you pull away and then take him deeper. It stirs something in you—the cold tiles on your bare knees, the power you feel in having him at your mercy. He exhales, low and slow, and you feel stimulated and little and somehow totally in control.

With one hand, you cup his balls, gently massaging. Your eyelids flutter shut and you feel your hips and pelvis moving along with your lips as you slide him in and out—your own body already feeling hot and tingly, craving friction.

He mutters again and you can’t quite hear him. You run your tongue along his length, and his body shudders. He tries again. “I-if you continue like this, I won’t be able to…”

You let him slip from your lips.

“Do you want to come right now?” you ask and he groans.

“Yes, but I—” You slide your tongue all the way around his tip and he stumbles over his words. “Of course, but you…I want—”

You take him all the way into your mouth again and he stops speaking, letting out a low growl, tensing as he grips the door. He’s close, and you want to make him come, want to do it like this, him a twitching, shaking mess looming above you—you at his feet with the power to break him.

You round your lips, suction harder, pull him deeper, and his hips give a telltale jerk. Ah-ha. Your own body feels floaty and loose—you can barely feel the floor under your knees now. He tries to warn you in a throaty voice and you ignore him, raking your fingernails over his ass. He comes, rocking into your mouth, and you open your eyes to take him in—he looks ravished, all restraint dissolved, all presence of patience demolished as he shuts his eyes and unabashedly shakes against you. You swallow everything, so hopelessly turned on by his unbridled pleasure.

He pulls himself out of your mouth with a groan and reaches for you, tousling your hair with a shaky hand.

“You look so beautiful right now,” you tell him, and he does—perfect hair unkempt, muscular shoulders glimmering with sweat.

“I still haven’t shown you my fantasy,” he pants, and then his arm is around your waist and he’s scooped you up again. You squeal as he slings you over his shoulder, and you feel warm water hit your back as he lifts you into the shower. He sets you down tenderly on the marble bench, and it’s slick and just the perfect temperature, already warmed by the water and steam.

“Open your legs,” he murmurs, and you do, feeling a clenching inside, your swollen clit demanding attention.

Jumin turns away from you and you whine in dissatisfaction. He laughs, low and wonderful; the water runs in rivulets over his toned back. He’s back in an instant, the detachable shower head in his hand, and you cannot help the little whimper that tears from your throat.

“I wonder what will happen if I use this to stimulate you…” he says, his deep voice trailing off seductively. Your thighs twitch in anticipation.

“I–I would also—” He runs a finger over your already-sensitive clit and you hiss. “—l-like to know that,” you manage to choke out.

He twists the knob on the shower head so the water flows gently, tapering toward the middle. He runs it over you from a distance and it’s warm and lovely; he moves it closer and closer until you yelp, feeling the water pressure at your core. It shakes you.

“Good?” he murmurs and you nod, shutting your eyes against the glaze of heat you feel building from within. “More?” You nod again and the water changes; it’s more tapered, stronger. You squirm, your hands scrabbling for purchase on the smooth bench beneath you. He sees what you need and suddenly his warm, slick fingers meet yours, entwining with them. He moves the faucet in a dainty circle and you feel like your eyes are going to roll back in your head. “More?”

You gasp a “yes” and the pressure ramps up again and you writhe, feeling like you will explode. You feel another, new sensation and your eyes shoot open—it’s his finger, slipping over your clit and then inside you. You cry out.

“Too much?”

“N-no, I…no…please…” You’re babbling, but he knows what to do. He moves the faucet closer, the pressure on your clit intensifying and the heat you feel nearly blinding you. Then his finger moves inside you and your back arches and you’re slipping, slipping, and you feel him move closer and you throw out your other arm and brace yourself on his chest.

“How does that feel?” he whispers, and you know he’s doing this on purpose, know he’s trying to make you talk to hear the sweet sounds you’ll make, know he’s aware how the multitasking makes your head spin.

“I—I…it…ummm…Jumin!” you manage, gasping as he curls his finger inside of you, flicking the thin, hard stream from the faucet over you again and again and…

“Tell me how it makes you feel,” he commands, and you stammer, gasping for air, and he curls his finger again, hitting your g-spot as the stream of water stills, focused directly on your tender, throbbing clit.

“Ah—!” is all you manage before you fall apart, your back hitting the shower wall as you come hard and fast, the ice cold heat at your core tearing you to pieces. Through the haze, you think you cry out again, and his finger moves incessantly within you and the water makes you see bright shards of white through your closed eyelids.

You gasp, coming down slowly, trembling all over. You squint your eyes open and his face is so close to yours, his eyes full of awe and lust and adoration. He slips his finger out and diverts the faucet away from you. You catch your breath, head swimming.

“So,” you say finally, when you have enough breath to speak. “You fantasied about making me come with the shower faucet?”

“Yes, of course,” he responds, tilting his head quizzically, the water from the main faucet cascading over his shoulders as he stands up straight. “Is that so strange?”

You laugh. “It’s not,” you say. He offers you a hand and you stand too, slipping and sliding until you find purchase on the grippy strips lining the bottom of the tub.

“Now,” he says in a businesslike tone. “Would you like to wash off, get dry, and then have sex in the bed?”

Your face breaks into a grin because that’s so very Jumin and god, you love him for it.

“Yes,” you say, and you reach for the soap, pouring a fragrant stream of it onto your hand. “But can I ask you a question first?”

“Anything, my love.” He adjusts the second faucet so it’s more accessible for you.

“Earlier, when you said you couldn’t be around me…”

“Ah,” he says—and his serious expression is somewhat offset by the way the water glues his hair to the sides of his head, somehow silly and sexy at the same time. “I meant that I’m able to keep up a façade as long as I’m not around you. As soon as you’re by my side, I feel.” 

You press up against his back, letting the soap spill through your fingers. You kiss the smooth, warm skin there and he sighs contentedly.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, and you almost can’t hear him over the rushing water. “Thank you for allowing me to feel.”

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Tiny baby first attempt at a taglist~ Please let me know if you’d like to be added! DM me and I’ll add you so you’ll be tagged in any mysme writings. ♡

@currentlyprocrastinating @thesirenwashere  @ultrasupernini @cro0kedme @otomefoxystar @dawn-skies06

[kezibun]

A storm of a hunt part 3

Part 1

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You hesitantly tell him your name, maybe he was actually just being nice?

"Huh… cool name..." He mumbles.

A waft of coldness crawls over your skin, making goose bumps rise. You can't stop the shiver that follows it.

 "Oh shoot." Papyrus sighs. "That damn heater." 

He stands up, then kicks the little heater a few times and presses the button, but nothing happens. He seems to give up on the heater and you watch him as he walks over to the box labelled torture. Your whole body is tense but you keep you're eye on him as he rummages through the box. He's looking for something that you can be sure of.

 After all this was he really going to hurt you? After what's been said? What will he find in there? What does he want? Maybe he's looking for something to tie you up with. 

 He's just playing some kind of sick game again, like everyone else in this hell hole. You shouldn't trust anyone, not even down here. You just can't especially since all you've been met with is manipulation, lies and treachery. 

Maybe now you could try to escape, slip away while his back is turned. But as you try and sit up, a sharp pain burns in your side, there is no way you're going anywhere while you're in this agony. You sit back down and instinctively hold your injuries, not that it helps. Why does everything hurt worse once you've had a minute to rest?

 Papyrus comes over with something. It looks like a big metal tin. How Is he going to hurt you with this?

He kneels on the floor, setting the tin down, he's filled it with wood and sticks. Then he snaps his fingers over it, an orange spark floats down settling on a twig, it fizzles briefly as it sets alight. The fire is slow to grow but it already feels warmer than the small space heater. The flames grow and dance as they cast an amber glow. You're mesmerised for a moment.

"Do your injuries still hurt?" His question snaps you out of it.

"Yeah, those traps did quite the number on me." You say with a nervous laugh. 

"Let me check your HP."

"Wa-"

In that second the world around goes dark, an encounter? You feel fear creep over you, this wasn't good. 

"-It…."

Damn is he going to fight you? Or just check you like he said? If this was going to be like any of the other monsters you'd encountered before? you're sure it won't be fun.

You look over to your HP. There's something weird about it, it doesn't seem right, and that makes your stomach churn with even more nerves. You don't know what's wrong but It can't be good.

 He stares at you intently for a second.

'Papyrus cheeked your stats he doesn't seem happy with what he sees.' 

It's your turn now. His name is yellow, you know what that means. You're tempted to take a peek at his stats but you really don't have the energy right now and you're pretty sure he won't appreciate it. You are definitely not up for a fight, so you choose mercy. Everything fades back to normal. That wasn't so bad.

He then just walks out, leaving you behind and alone. The only sounds that keep you company are the crackling fire in front of you and the howling wind outside. 

You sigh and huddle up by said fire, pulling the jacket around you again as you wonder what on earth he saw that he didn't like. You hope whatever it was won't get you hurt. How did you ever end up in this situation? If only you could remember.

 You feel the warmth of the fire almost wrap around you as it seeps in and you finally start to thaw. Your toes almost sting like pins and needles as the feeling starts coming back to them. 

It wasn't long though until Papyrus was back, he entered silently like he'd just appeared in the room.

He holds a brown paper bag out to you, "Eat this." 

You take the bag, inside is a donut with black icing and a purple cobweb design on top. You usually would have been suspicious of such a gift, just in case it was poisoned. But at this point you don't really care, you're just happy to get some food. All you can do now is sort of trust him right? as much as you might dislike it. What other choice do you have?

"Thanks." 

You take a bite of the donut, the first flavour you get is sugar, it's very sweet, there also seems to be a bit of a spiced flavour then you taste the weirdest thing, you're hit with a faintly meaty flavour like chicken, mixed with a slightly fishy taste? and there's a dubious crunch to it. Then following it is a sandy texture that tastes smokey, but it's all then taken over by the alcoholic aftertaste that hits next. Despite the weirdness it's actually pretty good, better than snail pie to say the least, possibly the second best thing you've eaten since falling down here, the first being that candy that kept you alive through the ruins. You finish off the whole donut.

Wait. A sudden strange feeling washes over you, you feel the urge to check your stats. Did you just level up? That's kinda mysterious but cool, why would that have happened?

He then sits in front of you.

"What are you doing?" You ask.

"Your wound…How's it?"

"It um... feels a little better."

"Let me check it?" He asks.

You pause and take a moment to think. "I… don't know…" Is the only reply you could conjure up.

"It's ok."

He pulls the jacket off your shoulder.

"Hey don't." You grab his wrist.

He takes your hand and moves it off his wrist with a scowl. Then he pushes your ripped top up enough to see your wound. 

You flinch as his cold phalanges brush against your skin. 

"Sorry." He mutters, but he doesn't stop what he's doing, he looks over your badly wrapped wounds.

Now that he's so close you notice how his cheekbones seem to have a faint rusty glow to them, and he's actually pretty cute. No you can't be thinking like that. He's a skeleton monster that just hunted you down in a snowstorm, and scared you half to death. Not to mention you're now in his torture shed.

"The trap had some magic that stops it healing. I'm gonna to treat it. Can I… um...?" He gestures to your injuries and you fill in the gap.

You think for a minute… Is it smart to let him treat you? Probably not. But it might be your only chance, if anything he's saying is true.

"I did a pretty shoddy job with wrapping it up didn't I? Just be careful... I'd rather not die today you know…" You mumbled. Maybe that hint was a little too obvious, you feel like you basically just yelled please don't kill me. Would it be better to just beg for your life? Would that get you anywhere? Could you let go of what little pride you have left?

"You're lucky. I... can't have you dying yet." He takes his phone out and gets a first aid kit from his inventory. "Could ya hold your shirt up?" 

You do as he asks and hold up your top, the cool air is sharp to your newly exposed skin, you can't help but shiver some more.

"You humans sure feel the cold don't ya?"

Is he trying to strike up a conversation? Or just making an oddball comment?

Either way you don't really answer him… 

And with that he quickly warms his hands over the fire before he ever so carefully unwraps your bloody makeshift bandage. You watch his every move carefully, making sure there's no foul play. He then gets out a small round pot from the first aid kit, it's white with a green symbol on the lid.

"This'll sting but it'll help."

He applies the light green cream, it has a peculiar scent that can only be described as warm and kind, but it feels like he's just rubbed nettles over your flesh, that means it's working right? For you're benefit you hope. He then wraps your wound up, it's not too tight but definitely tighter then whatever you'd managed before. He pulls his jacket back around you. 

"You should try and get some sleep." He pats your head before he sits down next to you. 

"Are you staying?" 

"Yeah. Rest. I'll stay guard."

"Why are you helping me?" You query.

"It's complicated." He huffs. "No more chit chat. Just sleep already." He pulls the hood over your face roughly.

"Ok." You yawn as you lean into the corner of the shed, the wooden wall is cold and hardly an ideal pillow but you are so tired it barely bothers you, you close your eyes and soon enough you're asleep. 

. . .

"MUTT! have you lost your mind?" 

"Hush M'lord, They're sleepin'."

"YES SLEEPING AND NOT DEAD." 

"I can't kill em." 

You open your eyes slightly, stirring awake from the commotion and loud voices. 

You see Papyrus and the other skeleton, his brother?

"Then let me at the darn human." He snaps.

"M'lord you can't." Papyrus stops his brother from getting closer.

"AND WHY NOT!?"

"I told you. I need to figure it out. Trust me."

"You're going soft, don't forget your duty Papyrus! You have a week! NO THREE DAYS! Figure out whatever the heck you need to then get rid of that pest, that rodent." He starts walking off. "If Alphys finds out, I'm dead, this will be the end of my malevolent career. The Queen will have our heads for this! YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?" He huffs as he storms out. 

You're still so tired… your eyelids are too heavy to keep open… With this new silence you can't stay awake for even a second more.

[uncloseted]

This might sound stupid. I feel insecure about my intelligence or how smart I am or if I am clever (I don't really know the difference). I find myself comparing myself with others that are in better classes than me get higher grades, participate more in class. Or just know an answer that I don't know. It is a vicious cycle: and i am aware I should focus on my own path rather than others. But it is difficult and I end up mimicking their personalities in the hopes that some of their intelligence will rub onto me. Like there was someone who was reading dystopian books so I started to and there was also someone who watched marvel movies so I did. I enjoyed it but my reasons for engaging in those activities didn't feel authentic. I also copy their mannerisms, like usually they are quite social and always talking about crazy concepts or they're telling funny jokes. Naturally I would say I am reserved but when around people like that I feel pressured to be the same so I bridge onto their thoughts and act loud and crazy but it feels forced. Something else that stems from it is just my experience with intelligence. I find it difficult to follow instructions sometimes and I end up making stupid, dumb mistakes that frustrates me when I realise I make them. I feel like people always know so much about a topic and I know nothing. I'll admit in my spare time I don't research things I just watch shows/movies and draw. But it doesn't feel nice being out of the loop. My memory sucks too. I just feel like my brain is not normal

Mainly I feel like what I want is tips on how to develop my intelligence.

But also what I should do to maintain a healthy personality because I feel like I don't have one.

I'm just asking because I try not to do these things I mentioned but I don't know what to do

I don't think this sounds stupid at all! I think this is something a lot of people struggle with, especially when it comes to comparing themselves with others.

I actually want to start by talking about something you said in the middle of this ask. You mentioned that you find it difficult to follow instructions, that you make "dumb" mistakes, and that your memory is bad. You also mentioned that you copy people's mannerisms and interests, and that overall, you feel like your brain is "not normal". This might be jumping the gun (and it's important to remember that I'm not a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor), but have you ever been evaluated for a neurodevelopmental disorder? Conditions like ADHD and Autism can present with symptoms that remind me of the experience you're describing, and so it may be worth speaking to a doctor to see if that's what's causing your difficulties. A lot of the time, people with neurodevelopmental disorders or learning disorders grow up thinking that they're unintelligent, when really their brains just work differently than other people's.

That kind of brings me to the next thing I want to talk about. How important is it to be smart or clever really? Having esoteric knowledge is rarely useful in any practical situation, and it's not inherently any more valuable than anything else. And on the flip side, I'm sure there are things that you're better at than your friends- maybe you're a better artist, or you're more creative, or you're kinder, or you're braver, or any other number of things. You don't have to be any particular kind of way just because other people are. In fact, that diversity in personality traits and strengths is what makes people so unique and interesting. I know it can feel like your grades in school are the most important thing, but in the real world there are so many other characteristics that matter. The most successful people in life aren't the ones who are the smartest; traits like grit and conscientiousness are much better predictors of future success than IQ is. It's important to me that know that you're good just as you are. You're enough by being yourself.

Okay, so getting to your actual questions now, because I know how frustrating it can be when you just want a list of actions to take and instead you get a lecture on changing your mindset. "Intelligence" is kind of a squishy concept that incorporates a lot of different elements, but I would focus on trying to develop intellectual curiosity. A simple exercise you can try is just Googling the answer any time you have a question about how the world works. Because it's a question you had, you're more likely to be interested in the answer and to remember the answer.

I would also try to find a form of learning that you enjoy. Maybe reading books is difficult for you, but listening to a podcast (I recommend Stuff You Should Know, Radiolab, and Freakonomics, and if you like Queer Eye, Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness is also good), watching a YouTube video or TikTok (Contrapoints, VSauce, AsapSCIENCE, It’s Okay To Be Smart, TED-Ed, VOX), watching a docuseries (such as Explained or Connected: The Hidden Science of Everything) or documentary, or listening to an audiobook will be more engaging for you. The more information you interact with, the more you'll know, and the more you'll become interested in other things. You can also try to learn something new, like a new language (try Duolingo, Memrise, or busuu) or learning a new skill (Coursera is good for that kind of thing).

As for maintaining a healthy personality, I think it's really normal to feel like you're still figuring it out. Discovering and developing who we are takes time and exploration and trying things on to see if they fit. I think a really important part of that process is trying out the things your friends like and seeing if you like them, too. So I don't think you're doing anything wrong by reading dystopian books or watching Marvel movies because your friends do. I don't think there's anything inauthentic about liking things that other people introduced you to, but there's also nothing wrong in deciding that those things aren't for you. Try a bunch of different things (activities, genres of media, foods, whatever you can think of) and see what you enjoy, regardless of who introduced you to them.

In terms of more concrete personality traits, this might sound like strange advice, but I would try taking a bunch of personality tests (for example MBTI, Enneagram, VIA Character Strengths, Strengthsfinder, your zodiac sign, your Hogwarts house, whatever you can think of).  Not because they have any real validity in terms of telling you who you are, but because I think being able to look through the different traits and compare them against how you view yourself can be helpful in figuring out what’s true about you and what you like about yourself. In turn, that can give you a more concrete idea of "who you are". And from there, I think maintaining a healthy personality is about reminding yourself who you are in situations where you're pressured to be someone else and focusing on playing to your strengths instead of focusing on the ways you don't match up to others.

[obscureoperations]

So uh, i just completely failed a final that i studied super hard for, and i feel like shit, :,) could i get some soft gn!readerxMartin where martin comforts an s/o in a similar situation? Like, they come home sobbing bc they're usually super smart and a hard worker but they still struggled in the class? if not then just anything soft martin will be good, ty! <3

I'm really sorry anon! Oh my god.. I'll try my best. I'm sorry that this is super short :(

 At this point, Martin didn’t know what to say or think, he only knew that you were crying. Your normal sunny disposition stripped away, he had ho ides how to deal with the sudden strong surge of emotion. All of his thoughts and questions began to dissipate the second he wrapped you into his arms. Loud, almost animalistic sobs began to quake through your only slightly smaller frame. Just what was wrong. Who hurt you. The second he found out, he had no idea what he might do. 

 He continued to hold you, hands soothingly roaming over your back. Every now and then, he would press his lips to the top of your head. It hurt, he felt so incredibly heavy, the sound of your near tortured sobs left him wanting to crawl away and die. Hurt. Who had hurt you?He absolutely had to know. 

 “Stupid… “ he heard you whisper, you lift your head wiping your nose at the corner of your shirt.

 He was about to ask you to repeat yourself when another bout of sobs began to overtake you. He allows his hand to rest on top of your head while his mind continues to race. Everything was going so well, you left for class with a wide smile on your face.” Martin, just go ahead and leave me now… Im such an idiot. “ At this point, he was truly at a loss.What on earth were you talking about. 

He makes it a point to gently grasp your wrists, moving your hands from in front of your face. You tried to look away but he was having none of it. He began to gently wipe away at your tear stained cheeks. His lips brush across your forehead, the tip of your nose even as you try to pull away. “What is it y/n? Please tell me? You finally mumbled something about “the tests” . That you were an idiot who didn't deserve him. He heard enough.

 For months he watched you work yourself to the bone, nose buried inside those silly books. None of it mattered to him, but it was clear that it was important to you, He tried his best to give you your space. You would have the timer set for five am, like clockwork you were already at your desk. Nose buried in your notebook, reciting numbers out loud. Often times he wanted to just reach out and hold you. It was winter yet you would sit at your desk by the window, no slippers in a nearly trans like state. Scribbling away in your notebook, checking the test. He would often get out of bed just to wrap you in his blanket. 

 He began to rock the two of you back and forth as he tried his best to whisper words of encouragement. “It’s alright… y/n” “No..”You mumble. “You’ll be alright… I swear!” he presses his lips to the top of your forehead, right before instructing you to hop onto the bed. He began to rummage through the closet for a certain blanket. It was actually your favorite, he had just thrown it into the wash. Thick black cotton with a down interior. It always left you feeling ten times better just having it on the bed, no matter the weather. 

When he tried his best to wrap it around you, you looked a bit like a sullen child. You didn't want him to leave, but he would only be away for a minute, just long enough for him to bring you some tea. By the time that he returned you had seemed to calm down, but he didn't want to take any chances. He places the mug lightly down on the dresser, but not before instructing you to “drink” It wasn’t long before he crawls back into bed, your head soon resumes its normal position. Resting against his chest as his right hand moves to gently rest at the back of your neck . “All night… I'm here with you all night for whenever you want to actually tell me.”

[otomelavenderhaze]

Hii Fa! If I could I would pay for the boosts too haha things would be less difficult. What you did there was some nice thinking! And it's even better if you don't regret it.

I'm sure there are going to be so many great four-stars, at least one of them is going to suit me better. Yeah, I'm gonna save for a little while, maybe two weeks more? But, I'm gonna try for sure in this banner, just gotta wait a bit more!

Was Diona good for your team dynamic? If you really liked her, she'll come back... In a year or so....

Oh, so there's this too, this 47-50... The things they don't tell you in the official statements. Wow your sister, it's like getting the perfect grade without studying, admittedly she tries hard, so she has my respect too.

Tho I don't think there's anything wrong in just having fun without doing everything, it's a game and that's what it's for! - I say, while being lazy and not wanting to walk miles in game to find chests. I really mean it, pushing yourself too hard is just not worth it. I only finished one game 100%, and after I hardly worked for months for it, I was leisurely driving my flower car, when the game crashed and never worked again haha

I wonder what these things even are... I see people talking about potions and special foods and I am just ignoring it for now, a die hard gamer routine is something I'll never achieve

So pulling on different banners has a difference in the character's skills? Did I misunderstand it? So the 4 stars are better than the 5 stars that have no proper buildings... hm hm lol this game has a way to make me confused, but it's fine

I'm almost there, I'm in Lvl 15. But 60 primogems after every course, I'll speed up! Funny story, I decided that i wanted to unlock the Liyue area, but I wasn't aware it was Liyue, so I walked up to the statue of the geo archon and resonated with it and unlocked the map! After that I pretended nothing happened, and ignored its existence to avoid spoiling the main plot.

I don't remember well, but yes he was really good, while he was alive I had a lot of fun!

Is your Keqing building going well? She must be really fast if she's quicker than the traveler, since to me they're really swift!

What is this resing system? The blue moons used to collect the prizes? Must suck to play through a lot of things that require them at once, if that's what you mean.

I always do maths for games that I care for and I try to make the smart move about money - besides I never mind waiting in Genshin, I’m cool with collecting it every day and doing my tasks. 

It’s more like... Diona is a cat little baby and I love cats xD besides my only healer is Barbara and Bennett xD which don’t leave me much space to try different things. However, Diona is added to the banner, like I said, all 4 stars in banners will be added to the standard banner, so she’s not lost for me!! 

Besides support ice characters does great combos reactions, some element reactions cause more damage and normally it has to do with fire and ice. 

My sister told me actually that she got it reaching 70 pulls actually D: but yeah, actually the rarest is 45-50 pulls. But yeah, those of 70 and that less one are for single pulls made strategically and you could end up getting one 5 stars or not!! There’s tons of videos about rating and they can explain it better to you than me xD

Yeah, I know right? My sister loves grinding, when she downloaded the game she got so addicted and she wanted to clean everything fast, because this is just how she likes playing games. I’m hella more laid down even if I do grind too. 

ALSO, besides what you said and that I totally agree on, Genshin is the type of game that you should take your time really, precisely because it is not finished yet. 

Don’t worry about potions and food in the start, the game will teach you everything about it and you will get used to it too eventually. 

No, you understood wrong. Or I probably explained it wrong... lemme see... hm... Mihojo is getting better and better at creating 5 stars, they’re learning with the community what kind of characters can balance out the game and which wouldn’t, so there are no characters in the standard banner that can change battle styles in the middle of combat like Childe can OR there’s no character that can strike a meteor with their ult and stop enemies like Zhongli does, those characters got created after that feedback and they’re more “dynamic” than the ones created at first for the game. 

Don’t get me wrong, Diluc is an amazing dps, Qiqi is an amazing healer and Keqing is good at being a dps as well, the 5-star from the standard banners are good ones, but none of them can be as good as the new ones because the new ones are evolving with the game’s mechanics, so there’s a possibility of those characters become outdated in front such better ones. That’s what I meant. 

BUT in long term is easier getting 4 stars, so let’s say that while Diluc is great and all, if you have a Xinyan with 6 constellations, she will be better than a dry (with no constellations) Diluc in theory. Because she will be having a boost from those that will make her stronger. The thing is, the number of 4 stars will increase and it’s going to be harder getting duplicates of them xD 

Ah, I’m pretty sure I did the same with Liyue LOL and you’re indeed almost there!! It worthed, it’s going to be a lot more than 400 primals in that event and you can do the courses any day, they just unlock one everyday, if you play through them all you can get them all in the same day... you just have to not miss the last day or leave it all for one day....... 

I was farming for Keqing and her sword today, I had to stop exactly because of the resin system xD because I ran out of chances to keep collecting things, so I will have to wait and wait and wait kkkkkkkk I can’t really explain everything about the resin’s issues... because I just understand that it takes way too long to accumulate and stops the player from farming enough. 

I recommend you watch a video about it tho, I really don’t think I know how to explain that one to it’s fullest, the issue is better explained from the players that have a real routine in the game and are focused on farming - I’m that type that goofy around xD

AHH, I will keep your ask about Horizon in my inbox for future reference. Yeah, I figured that I shouldn’t fall in love with any side character and not romanticize them, I got that feeling from the beginning. Thank you for the tips, pay pal!! 

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: I miss you Rio: Guarantee I miss you more Buster: State your case then Rio: 😍😍 Buster: That's a strong introduction, how are you gonna follow it through? Rio: 🤤🤤 Buster: I like the thread of your argument, I can't lie, but I still miss you more Buster: 'Cause a girl was flirting with me in the gym and after telling her all the ways she doesn't compare to you, how incomparable you are was, and is, all I could think about Rio: As much as I probably shouldn't encourage you to be rude to random girls Rio: I love that you do so Buster: She embarrassed herself long before I embarrassed her, reckoning she had a chance Rio: I know what you mean Rio: the stalker has been getting inventive today Buster: Tell me Rio: We're doing this whole project in comp sci about viruses and shit Rio: and they've sent a meant-to-be-creepy spam type email Rio: it's got attachments but Rio: I've not looked yet Buster: Send it to me, I'll open it for you Rio: I know it's unlikely they're that smart Rio: but what if it does have some computer-killing 👾 attached? Buster: Smart enough that we haven't worked out who they are yet Buster: but if it's a virus, I'll buy another laptop Rio: it seems ridiculous Rio: this proves it has to be someone at school now, at least Rio: it's not like I've posted about my fucking homework anywhere Buster: How big's that class? Buster: Can discount my sister and your brother already, like Rio: Don't Rio: you're about the only person I've not thought it could be at my craziest Rio: probably about 30 odd though, standard Buster: Baby, they're the crazy one and I'm not letting them drive you even slightly close to the edge Buster: Who do you know and who don't you, percentage wise? Rio: I thought I knew everyone in this school, this town Rio: you'd think if someone was as creepy as this, anyway, that you'd know, they'd fucking stick out a bit but no Buster: It ain't a film, there's no creepy music playing to give it away Rio: if it was, it'd be dragging Rio: time for the resolve and happy ending Buster: Yeah, I know Buster: You wanna try calling that helpline again? Rio: Maybe Rio: I just wanna talk to you Rio: that's more helpful Buster: It's the least bullshit lead we've had for ages, I'll find a way to narrow it down more somehow Buster: We've got an obsession with you in common, it'll be me who figures it out if any cunt can Rio: Yours is the only one I need Buster: If you need to stay here for a while I'll sort it with my parents, yours, school, whoever Buster: You know that Rio: I know Rio: it's more and more tempting to not leave every time I go Buster: I just want you to be able to take an actual deep fucking breath Buster: Like you said, the amount of time this has been going on is ridiculous Rio: I can forget about it, most of the time Rio: but it's when something new happens, unexpected Buster: I'll kill him when we work out who it is Buster: 'Til then, stay with me Buster: He never does fuck all when you're here Rio: At least that's quick Rio: too nice if anything, babe Rio: always say that about you Buster: It don't have to be quick or nice Buster: Don't underestimate me, babe Rio: 🤤🤤 I rest my case Buster: I love you, that rests mine Buster: I'd do anything for you Rio: I love you so much Rio: I'd definitely be crazy without you, stalker or otherwise Buster: There's a fair chance I'd be stalking you too if things were any different between us Buster: I'd leave better presents though Rio: and I'd know it was you always Buster: 'Course Buster: I'd want you to know Rio: hence there's no world in which we ain't a thing Buster: [has bought her the most expensive and best ever anti virus software and all that jazz so sends her the deets like there you go] Rio: this really has everything Rio: thank you Buster: He ain't gonna be smart enough to get through that, I've been reading reviews since you told me Buster: And I have it too now so you don't have to worry about sending me whatever bullshit he does to you Rio: We can open it together then? Rio: [I think it shouldn't be camgirl moments but something @school to drive that home] Buster: Yeah, on the count of three Rio: [just some creeper shots all throughout the day up until that lesson] Rio: these are today, I'm 99% sure Rio: I swapped my bag Buster: Forget going there tomorrow, I'm booking you a flight here instead Buster: I'll think of a lie to tell my parents if you still don't want anyone else to know the truth Rio: there was always the possibility Rio: but now I know it's someone I really see in person Rio: every day Rio: jesus Buster: I meant what I said, I'm gonna find out who, whatever it takes Buster: I know it feels fucked, but it's good, that it's one of 30 classmates rather than the numbers of lads who watch your streams Rio: it's true Rio: but those lads could be anywhere in the world, not in the same room as me Buster: Which is why you shouldn't be in that room until we know which sick cunt it is Buster: Just give me some time, it's not like I don't have the money to throw at it Rio: I couldn't be there if I had to Rio: I don't even want to be here at home now Buster: How soon can you be at the airport? Rio: not for a while Rio: I mean, tonight, maybe Rio: what should I tell my mam? Buster: Tell her I'm having a breakdown, it wouldn't be the first time Buster: I'll trash the house for realism if it comes to it, like Rio: it'll keep her from being worried Rio: pissed off is fine, I'll deal with that when I can Buster: Exactly Buster: And Ava's at a friend's so I don't have to worry about scaring the shit out of her with my acting Buster: 'Cause it'd be stupid not to feed my parents the same lie Rio: You don't have to go that method Rio: but I wouldn't blame you Rio: I'm trying to keep my freak out internal because I'm looking after the twins and your sister is on her way Buster: I'm glad you're not on your own, even if the company is Nance Rio: I was kinda hoping someone took the homework too seriously and was pranking the whole class Rio: but nah, the email was more specific than I let on to her, of course Rio: even before the pictures Buster: 'Course you were Buster: He'd been quiet for a while Rio: really think he'd get bored at some point Rio: I never react, respond, everything they tell you Buster: Now isn't really the time for me to reiterate how stalkable you are again when I can do better with compliments Rio: the fact you can make me smile even at this time Buster: I can do better than that too, I'll make you forget about it Rio: yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: I need that Rio: my head is all over the place Buster: You've got it, and whatever else you need Rio: I only feel really safe when I'm with you Buster: You are safe with me, but you won't have to leave until you're also safe everywhere else Buster: I'm gonna fix it Rio: yeah Buster: I know I've said it before but this time I swear Buster: He fucked up by giving us a decent clue Rio: it does narrow it down Rio: even if it isn't the class, and it's just the school in general Rio: that's the most we've ever had to go on Buster: Exactly Rio: but what do we do Rio: if we work it out Buster: I told you, I'll kill him Rio: so you're the only one that ends up in prison Buster: I'm not a fucking amateur, babe Rio: mm Rio: 🙄😏 Buster: Hilarious Buster: Nance will be a way more receptive audience though Rio: yeah, really in the mood for this study sesh now Buster: I can easily change hers if you wanna get out of it Rio: nah Rio: I need to keep things normal Rio: only just invited her over, it'd be weird to change my mind Buster: You can blame me for that as well, I don't give a shit Rio: I can't leave yet, like you said, distraction is probably a good thing Buster: Alright, what can I do to make it a more bearable one? Buster: [loads of her fave things getting delivered to this gaff like don't be scared to answer your door, look they are all from me, here's the order confirmations] Rio: I don't deserve you Buster: You don't deserve the bullshit he's putting you through, you've always deserved me Rio: I feel like I should just Rio: stop the streams Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Buster: Fuck that, we know he's from school Buster: Being able to see you every day pre-dates anything you've done online Buster: He could've known you since primary Rio: I guess Rio: but would he be bothered if there was less out there to stalk Buster: It's not your fault, Rio Buster: It can happen to anyone, you know that Rio: it's happening to me though Buster: Not 'cause of anything you've done Buster: Come on Rio: anyway Rio: I'm gonna enjoy all these treats Buster: Good Rio: how much should I bring? Rio: when I pack Buster: As much as you want, I'll send you money for if your cases are over the weight limit Rio: don't want it to look like I'm running away too hard but Buster: You're overthinking it, you never travel light anywhere, nobody'll notice Rio: I need options Buster: I'm not mad about it and I don't care if my parents are Rio: they're going to be Rio: you'll have to go to school, be 😇 to show I'm totally not a distraction Buster: You are, but I'll still go Buster: All that matters to me is that you feel safe Rio: I will do Rio: and I'll find ways to be useful to them as well as distracting to you Buster: Winning over Ava is basically the same thing as winning them over Buster: You've had loads of practice at that Rio: kids are easy Buster: She's easier than Grace, obviously Rio: wouldn't take much on Ava's part Rio: bless Buster: She'll be distracting at any rate Rio: I can take her to school and shit, free up some time for them Buster: Yeah, and once you've had some time, we can sort out getting your assignments and shit sent over Rio: I won't miss anything important Buster: It'll be fine Buster: I'll make sure it's fine, like Rio: I know you will Buster: You gonna facetime me into this study session or what then? Rio: depends Rio: are you going to be nice? Buster: To you Rio: well you're always nice to me Buster: Are you asking me to help Nance with her homework? Rio: how much do you think she'd appreciate that? Buster: She wouldn't, so of course I'll do it Rio: I can't with you two, honestly Buster: You love me, you don't even want her to come over Rio: I'm not getting in the middle of it Buster: You already are Rio: No I'm not, shh Buster: It's okay, I know you're on my side Rio: I love you more than anyone else in the world Rio: goes without saying Buster: I still really like hearing it Rio: You know you can hear it any time you want Buster: Is she there yet? Rio: nope, you remember how long that drive takes, even in an uber Buster: I'll call you then Rio: 🥰 Buster: [does obvs] Rio: I'll just be here counting down the minutes 'til you can hold me Buster: However long it feels, you'll be staying longer Rio: promise? Buster: I swear Rio: then I'm happy Buster: If you are, I am too Rio: I haven't even asked you how your days been Rio: I'm so rude Buster: Before and after I shot down gym girl there ain't much to report Rio: what did she look like? Buster: Every other girl in this postcode Rio: Blonde and skinny Buster: Yeah Rio: vaguely equine, dresses more like a nan than nan ever would Buster: I'll have to remember all that for the next one Rio: I can tell her myself if you like Buster: If you like Rio: Me? The jealous type? Buster: The jealous type and my type Rio: I better be Rio: only type Buster: You're the only one I've ever wanted or will ever want, you definitely don't need to add that to the list of shit that's worrying you right now Rio: I just like to hear it Buster: I'll tell you again then, I want you so much Rio: even without all this bullshit Rio: it's been too long Rio: I hate every second I'm not with you Buster: I know, me too Buster: I'm not gonna say he's done me a favour, but I am glad you're coming to stay Rio: I'll say it Rio: may as well get something good from it Buster: I'd rather you didn't have to deal with any of this bullshit, obviously Rio: of course Rio: I told you, I've never thought it was you, it's okay Buster: It's not okay that I haven't been able to do fuck all about this though Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Don't Buster: It's not good enough, I know that Buster: I'm gonna do better Rio: Stop it Buster: I mean it, Rio Rio: we've done everything we can Rio: it's not fair on me or you to act like we haven't Buster: I just hate this Rio: I know, baby Buster: You're the best thing that's happened to me, this shouldn't be happening to you Rio: It really could happen to anyone Rio: it's shit Rio: but you make me feel safe, that isn't nothing Buster: I'll calm down before you get here Buster: I swear Rio: you don't have to Rio: you can be mad, I am Rio: but you don't need to blame yourself, even if it's second to him, it's all on him Buster: I am angry but you've got the wrong twin if you reckon I'm willing to make any of this about me Buster: I'm here for you Rio: Trust me, I know Rio: she seems distracted herself recently Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'll try to work it out, not had time yet Rio: she won't say anything if you're on the phone though Buster: I don't have to be, if you wanna do some investigating Rio: I know you wanna know too Buster: I know if you get her started she'll talk about herself until you've gotten all of your own bullshit exists Rio: and you're a little nosy too, you can admit it Rio: I'll get the gossip Buster: She's still my sister Buster: 'Course I wanna know if she's being stalked as well or whatever Rio: You're cute Rio: and I do not think it's that Rio: obviously Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I do Rio: that's why I wanna know too Buster: Okay, tell me when you do Rio: 🧐 Rio: wouldn't suit the hat Buster: You'd suit anything, don't lie Rio: 😊 Rio: I mean if that's your thing I'll do my best Buster: If it was that wouldn't be the first you've heard of it Rio: be mad if it was Rio: you have to tell me exactly what you like so I can be it Buster: You are Buster: And I don't have, or want to have, any secrets from you Rio: secrets are boring Rio: and hard to keep Buster: Neither of us could ever be boring Buster: And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you forever Rio: You've got me Rio: not going anywhere Buster: Only closer to where I am, not further away Buster: Soon as your mum is back and your study session is over Rio: not that I need to do this homework now Rio: just be throwing subtle hints at Nance instead Buster: Be fucking typical her if she's getting bullied there as well Rio: I'd know if she was Rio: only have the two lessons with her but contrary to what the stalker suggests, I know most people well enough that they wouldn't Buster: Well Ava'll probably get a love life before she does, Christ knows what else it could be then Rio: ugh don't Rio: it's coming up with Edie for sure Rio: Jun is like Nancy and Billie isn't bothered thank god Rio: hate it Buster: Who's bothered about Edie then? Buster: Tell me your gossip Rio: It's just like the boys she hangs with are less useless stoner and more keep your eye on them types than Billie's friends Rio: and they aren't just friends types, I don't trust 'em Buster: Maybe I should be getting on a plane instead of you Rio: at least none of them are stupid Rio: especially not Eds Rio: have to hope anyway Buster: I've taught her how to protect herself physically, I reckon she can handle lads trying to get in her head Buster: Like you said Buster: She's no stupid kid Rio: Yeah, she has all the tools and advantages she can be given Rio: 💘 and hormones still make people stupid though Buster: I remember Rio: well yeah, ignoring the fact we'd be used as prime examples in that lecture Buster: Sure we have been, never too early for mum and dad to tell Ava what not to do Rio: As if we'll have started a trend Rio: if it wasn't you it'd be a really bad idea Buster: They should want her to have this, how I feel about you, how happy I am Buster: It's not as if they can actually judge us for who it's with Buster: This family are way past that Rio: You'd think Rio: I'm way past caring Rio: it was so Rio: I wasn't me without you Buster: I feel exactly the same, you know I do Buster: The only thing I've ever done wrong was not be with you, every bad thing I did or that was done to me can be traced back to that Buster: We're free now and this stalker isn't gonna make you feel otherwise any more, I'm not letting it happen for another fucking day Rio: we can get through anything, we've got the rest stacked against us and we're still strong Rio: as long as you love me, then there's nothing anyone can say or do Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I love you Rio: endlessly Buster: [a flight he's booked her like this is happening no matter what excuse us fam] Rio: 🙏 Rio: I cannot wait Buster: Me either Rio: you can pick me up from the airport, right? Buster: Nothing could stop me Rio: Yay 🥰🥰🥰 Buster: You need me to help you with all that luggage Rio: it will be one suitcase Rio: and a sizeable handbag, thank you 😂 Rio: but I still need you Buster: I'll be early regardless Rio: you're the best Buster: No, I do my best, you don't even have to try Rio: You don't either Rio: but I will for you and I appreciate that you do Buster: I appreciate everything that you do Rio: you will Rio: that's the plan Buster: I do, whether or not shit goes to plan Buster: You're one of the strongest people I know, the least I can do is give you the reminder Rio: Buster Rio: it won't always be this dramatic, you know Rio: being together Buster: I don't care if it is, you're worth it Buster: And I'd endure the worst suffering I can possibly imagine to be with you if any alternative meant not being Rio: now you're just being hot about it on purpose Buster: I told you I miss you, nothing's changed Rio: I miss you all the time Rio: but I'm down for all the ways you make it worse Buster: [sends her a pic from when he was at the gym earlier like okay we're testing the waters but not very much yet lol] Rio: oh Rio: yeah, I would've flirted with you too Buster: What would you have said? Rio: Hmm Rio: ask you to check my form Buster: As long as you'd have time for how thorough I'd be, I don't have any problem with that Rio: Of course Rio: I'd ask you because you're clearly an expert Buster: And there's no need for me to hold back on my expertise as you're clearly so receptive to it, not to mention deserving Rio: Don't, I want you to show me exactly how you do it Buster: Never, I wouldn't wanna leave you with more questions than answers Rio: of course, but there are some things I could show you in return for all you're going to teach me Buster: Yeah? Buster: You've got yourself a deal, babe Rio: are you going to let me come to the gym with you really Buster: If you want to Buster: I'll try not to get too distracted at the prospect Rio: you look like that, obviously I want to Buster: [a pic of how he looks now like we can also stay in this bed where I currently am chilling] Rio: 🥺🥺 GIMME Buster: You're not meant to change your behaviour or habits for that cunt, remember Buster: Say please Rio: please Rio: please let me be in that bed right now Buster: [treat that gal to some more pics boy she's had a shit day] Rio: please be with me right now Rio: in me Buster: You know that's all I want Rio: you're perfect, Buster, you know that Buster: We're perfect for each other Rio: marry me Buster: As soon as we can, I will Rio: seriously Buster: I am being serious Rio: oh Buster: Once we're both 18 nobody can stop us Rio: yeah but Rio: nobody would come Buster: I only need you to turn up Rio: technically Buster: And actually, 'cause the rest of my family won't and like you said, I'm past caring Rio: if you were going to do it Rio: you'd want the big day, the venue, the clothes, the car Rio: everything proper Buster: If you were going to do it, you'd want your family there, you can say what you really mean Rio: we can't just do all that for two people Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: I just wish people would be happy for us Buster: I know, I haven't properly asked you yet 'cause I want everything to be perfect for you and there's fuck all I can do to give you that Rio: it'll never happen, I know that Rio: I've accepted it, it's just hard to make total peace with Buster: There was a time when I reckoned we'd never happen Rio: yeah Buster: I don't care who or how many people I have to turn my back on for you, it'll never matter as much as us being together Rio: it shouldn't have to be like this Rio: it's bullshit Buster: Yeah, but it is, and I've made my choice Buster: You know the things I'd do differently and none of 'em are about not ending up here Rio: Me too Buster: Changing their minds is as likely as us changing ours, it's an old fashioned stand off, like Rio: True Rio: it's like, they forget they're meant to be anti-us sometimes though Rio: and it's just normal, like we're any other couple Buster: Maybe when we've has as many years as my parents, it will actually be considered normal Rio: you reckon? Buster: Worked for them Rio: I guess nan and granddad are sufficiently over it Rio: had competition though, didn't they Rio: don't think that's likely to repeat itself Buster: Fingers crossed Nance is hiding a dark enough secret to take at least some of my parents' attention nevertheless Rio: in your dreams, babe Buster: Why would I dream about her downfall when I could dream about your happiness? Rio: alright 😇 Buster: We're not married yet but in regards to that, what's mine is yours, babe Buster: And vice versa Rio: you know I want it too Rio: to be married to you, and have everything we want Buster: Then I'll make it happen, exactly how you want Buster: Where there's a will there's a way, yeah? Especially when it's my will getting involved Rio: I trust that Rio: you Buster: Good 'cause you can Buster: About this and everything else Rio: then that's settled Rio: and Nance is finally here Buster: I'll still be here if you need me Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: you focus on doing everything you possibly can before I get there so you can spend as much time with me as we've got Buster: Consider it done

[softmintmochi]

Word Count: 8,982

Genre: Angst, Smut, Floof

Warnings: Love making, pretty vanilla (not my kinkiest work but I decided with the theme it should be kept kinda soft)

Summary: Being a single mother had gone smoothly for the most part so far. Ten years living in bliss with your beautiful daughter. However, when you run into her father and his family, your world is shaken up, and it seems you two have a lot of catching up to do.

Everything happens for a reason. That's what you've always told yourself. Something good will come your way. You'll find love. All the little lies you've told yourself every day for the last ten years echo through your mind, keeping you composed when you feel like breaking. The only things that keep you sane these days are those thoughts and your little girl, Sooyeon. She is the best thing in your life. She is your whole world. She is your love right now.

"Mommy?" You hear her soft voice call out from behind you. "Yes, Sweetheart?" You ask, setting down your wine glass as you sit up on the couch. "Can you help me with this? I don't understand what they're asking me to do." She pouts, holding her papers out towards you. You smile warmly, patting the edge of the couch. "Of course. Come sit." You beckon, her small form bouncing as she takes her seat on the ground next to you. This is your night, almost every night. She was smart, but she knew when to ask for help, and you gladly accepted, helping her with her homework.

Over the years you've watch her grow into a beautiful, smart, sweet young lady. These past ten years since you had her had gone by way too fast for your liking, and you wish you could slow time so she won't grow up and leave the next time you blink. She's very kind hearted, offering to help the old woman down the hall with her groceries. She's absolutely adorable, and you know she'll grow up to be stunning. Just like her father.

After she finishes her homework she gets ready for bed herself, you tucking her in and kissing her goodnight before relaxing back into your usual spot on the couch, sipping your wine. It's nights like this, after Sooyeon goes to sleep, that you wish you had someone, a companion, to keep you company. It's sad to admit, but you hadn't been with anyone since him. Maybe it's because you're very picky about who you bring around Sooyeon, or maybe it's because you've never moved on. Either way, all you knew was that the best thing you can do is drown yourself in wine and try to forget.

It's Friday after school, and as your weekly tradition stands, you let Sooyeon pick something fun to do together. "Mommy, can we get ice cream?" She asks, holding your hand as you walk through the crowd. "You know what? I think that's a great idea." You pull her closer to the side. She smiles so brightly it puts the sun to shame, a bounce in her step as you make your way to the small ice cream shop you've been going to since you were a child.

The bell rings as you push the door open, the welcoming atmosphere sending a wave of nostalgia through you. "Alright sweetie, what are you g-" You stop in your tracks as a familiar, normally soft voice floods your ears. You look up, gasping softly as you look up to counter, a family, parents and two kids, stand there, the man on the phone. Your daughter runs, looking at the ice cream through the glass as the employee greets her by name. "No, I don't care how much they want! We can't lose this deal!" The man shouts into his phone, your daughter jumping at his stern voice. The fear on her face pushes you into mom mode, running over and placing your hands on her shoulders soothingly. You barely trust your voice at this point, but to calm your daughter, you speak.

"Hey! Can you not yell please? You're scaring my daughter." You say sternly, grabbing his attention. As his eyes meet yours, his entire face softens, his plush lips parted as he stares at you. His eyes never leave yours, the soft brown eyes you've missed for years, longing for them to fall on you again, were finally trained on you, and you had no idea what to do. You hear a faint voice on the other end of the phone, the man's lips quivering slightly. "Honey, come on, we need to hurry, you know I have a nail appointment in less than an hour and we have to be done soon so the nanny can pick up the kids. Let's go." The wife urges, sighing when her husband doesn't respond. "I swear you're such a spaz. I can't believe I agreed to a marriage with you." She spits, digging into his pocket and grabbing his wallet herself.

You glare at him, uncomfortable under his stare. "Sweetie, go ahead and order. It's alright." You coo to your daughter, patting on the back while turning away from him. "Uh, yeah, I need to go. Just do whatever you need to do." He clears his throat, as if you breaking eye contact has broken him from his trance. "Uh, actually, I wanna pay for them too, is that alright?" He asks the cashier, his wife grimacing. "No, please. I have quite enough money thank you very much." You stutter, but he shakes his head. "I never said you didn't." He bends down, getting level with your daughter. "I'm sorry I yelled. Please, pick whatever you want. It's on me." He smiles brightly, sending a wave of ache through your chest. Sooyeon doesn't think into it, quickly ordering the most expensive sundae on the menu. "Sweetie, I think that's a little much, don't you?" You stutter, irritated by his offer. "Please, it's no trouble. I really want to do this." He insists, already running his card.

You roll your eyes, allowing it to happen, no longer fighting it. Your daughter beams as she gets her sundae, carrying it with two hands to a table. The entire time you sit with her, you feel uncomfortable as you notice his eyes trained on you. Is this really happening? Never in a million years did you think you'd be in a situation like this. You thought about it, even feared it, but you never thought it'd actually happen. Living through it, this is the second worse experience of your life. You bounce your leg nervously under the table, waiting anxiously for Sooyeon to finish so you can leave. As soon as she's finished you pull her out of there quickly. For some reason, you wish he'd call out to you, begging you to stay, but he doesn't. It hurts, but you're not surprised.

Once you're safe in the confines of your home you sigh in relief. "Mommy?" Sooyeon asks while hanging her backpack up on the hook. You kneel down, smiling at her. "Yes baby?" You ask, rubbing her arm. "Who was that guy at the ice cream shop? He kept looking at you like he knew you." She says, and your heart skips a beat. "I don't know who he is, sweetie. Why don't you go play in your room for a bit before you get ready for bed, yeah?" You suggest, and she nods, obviously not satisfied with your answer but understanding.

As the night passes you feel on edge, the sight of him rattling you to the bone. Him and his family. His wife, and he even had children. How could you be so stupid all of these years? All this time holding out, keeping to yourself, your feelings for him still lingering, yet he seems to have completely moved on. He has more kids. Whether it be his father's wishes or his own decision, he still has kids. You can't help but think of what happened ten years ago.

"It's okay, baby. You'll do great. I'll be right there with you." He assured you as the nurses wheeled you to the delivery room. At 17, this was the absolute scariest moment of your life. Sure your mom and boyfriend were here, but fear hung in the air. Would it be okay? Did you do something wrong? Even through all of this, you knew that he would never leave your side. Even when the doctors decided you were going to have a C-section, he still stayed by you the entire time. After a while it was finally over, the cries of your baby somehow calming you. You lay there on the hospital bed, him placing soft kisses on your temple as your mother whispered praises. Before you could even hold your baby girl, the door bursts open, a very angry man practically steaming. "Kim Seokjin, what the hell is going on here?" He booms, glaring at his son. "Dad, I'm not leaving. You can't make me! I'm a father now and I'm going to stay here with Y/N and take care of my child!" Your boyfriend shouts, his grip on your hand growing tighter. "Like hell you are. Do you realize what a scandal like this could do to my company? You're coming with me whether you like it or not. You're going to marry who I chose and there is no way in hell you're staying with this tramp." His father spits, making you gasp. Before you know it, Mr. Kim has Seokjin in a hold so tight that no matter how hard he tries, he can't break free, struggling and shouting as he's pulled out of the room, your baby crying nearby. You sob as Seokjin calls out to you, fighting to stay, but rendered useless. That's the last time you saw him.

Sooyeon is in bed, fast asleep when your phone rings. You read the caller ID, and you can't believe it. After all these years, he still has the same number. Tears threaten to escape as you ignore the call. Sighing as it's over, your lip quivers as it starts up again. Seven times. He calls seven times in a row before you can't take it anymore. On the eighth ring, you reluctantly pick up the phone, clearing your throat before answering. You say nothing, not trusting your voice just yet, waiting for him to speak. "It's been a while, hasn't it, Y/N?" His voice sends chills down your spine, a pang of ache through your chest. "It has." You agree, your voice shaky. "You look great." He says, and you hum in response. "And, was that-" He cuts off, seemingly unable to finish his sentence. "Yeah. It was. Is." You nod, a soft whimper ringing through the phone. "Oh my God." He whispers, his voice cracking a bit. "She's beautiful. Just like her mother." He sighs, and you bite your lip, trying to hold back your tears. "What do you want, Seokjin?" You cut to the chase, hoping to end this conversation soon. "I wanted to catch up. Seeing you today, I just couldn't help but think about that day. I'm so sorry, Y/N. I didn't want to leave. After my dad pulled me out of there I-"

"No." You stop him, not being able to handle an explanation. "I don't want to hear it. Just tell me why you're calling right now." He sighs, and you hear rustling in the background. "I also wanted to know why you haven't cashed in any of the checks we've sent you." He admits. You nod, even though he can't see it. "I don't need your money. I get on just fine without your money." You huff. "Y/N, please. I want to do whatever I can for our daughter." He begs. "Yeah, well, you gave up that opportunity when you left me in the hospital." You spit. There's a moment of silence, before a shaky breath from his end has you almost breaking down. "What's her name? Please, at least give me that." He begs.

You mull it over for a few moments, sighing as you give in. "It's Sooyeon. Her name is Sooyeon." You tell him. "Sooyeon. You- You named her after my- why?" He stutters. "Because, your sister was an amazing girl and one of my best friends. I wanted to carry on her memory." You admit sadly. Kim Sooyeon had been your best friend for years, until she got in a car crash with some of her friends when you were 16. She didn't make it, and you were there every step of the way to comfort her brother, your boyfriend, Kim Seokjin. Even though you always hoped he'd come back after your daughter was born, you never thought you'd actually be telling him this. There are no words, only silence from your end and soft sobbing from his. "Y/N, you're just as amazing as you were back then." He sniffles, breaking your heart. "Yeah, well, I didn't do it for you. I did it for Sooyeon. Now, don't you have to get back to your family or something?" You huff. "Oh, uh, not really. Jungmeyon is out with God knows who and the kids are staying with the nanny tonight since I have an early meeting." He explains, and nods.

No matter how much you want to continue talking to him, your heart can't take much more. You don't want to know about how he doing or what his family life is like or any of that. If you can't be with him, you don't want to know. "Alright, Seokjin, is that all? I'd like to get to sleep." You sigh. "Oh, of course. Thank you for finally talking to me, Y/N." He says softly, you taking a deep breath. "Goodbye, Seokjin." You whisper before hanging up. You tilt your head back against the couch, trying not to break, but once the first tear escapes, you know it's all over. You break down, sobbing into your knees on the couch. You're glad that Sooyeon is asleep. She's never seen you cry before, and you don't plan on letting her see it until her wedding day.

After your cry, you pull yourself together, making your way to your way to your bed, needing as much rest as possible before you go to work.

It's been a week and a half since that day, and you easily fell back into your daily system. You hadn't heard from Seokjin again, and you can't tell if you're happy or sad about that. However, you do feel that in that phone call, you found closure. You feel at ease now, knowing that the day you always feared had finally blown over, and nothing bad actually happened. Now you can live your life happily. That's what you believe, anyway. It's when a certain couple walks into your boutique that you feel your world shattering once more.

"How the hell could you take me to this shabby little place? I deserve way better than this." The woman scoffs, looking around in disgust. The voice sounds familiar to you, and as you look over the racks of clothes, you see the woman that was with Seokjin at the ice cream shop the other week, with a man who is definitely not Seokjin. "I know, of course you do, but we're here to get clothes you wouldn't normally wear so we can actually go out to places together." The man whispers loudly, making her roll her eyes. "Still, don't you think even in disguise we should at least look good? Look at this shit. Polyester? Disgusting." She spits, causing you to shake your head.

They walk around for a while, and you just stay behind the counter, hoping they don't actually buy anything. There's only one other person working with you today and it was a newbie who you'd been training, so you busy yourself with showing her how to do stuff behind the counter. You let her ring up a few customers, showing her how to work the register, when the "lovely couple" comes up, a pile of clothes in his arms. "Hello." Your trainee greets them warmly. The man nods and the woman rolls her eyes, until they fall on you. "Hey, you're that girl with the whiny brat at the ice cream place the other day. You cost my husband ten bucks." She smirks, noticing your jaw tightening.

"Yeah, well, he was kind enough to offer, with at least one decently mannered parent your children should hopefully turn out okay." You smile, causing everyone to look at you in shock. "Excuse me, my husband is not a 'decently mannered' person. I'm way nicer than him. He's a cold hearted, selfish asshole that only cares about his job." She huffs, her lips in a tight line. 'That's bullshit. He's the kindest, most loving man I've ever met.' You think to yourself, surprised at how angry her words have made you. "Is that why you're here with someone else buying clothes to wear so no one recognizes you with another man?" She gasps at your words, placing a hand on her chest. "How dare you accuse me of infidelity! I want to speak to your manager right now! I'll get you fired and you and that stupid kid of yours will be living on the streets within a week." She cries, practically jumping over the counter. You smile politely, taking all of the clothes they picked out and putting the on the back counter.

"Ma'am, I am the manager, and I must say we don't serve snobby bitches like you, so I suggest you get the fuck out of my store, because I refuse to sell you anything." You smile, folding your hands in front of you. Her face is almost red, you're expecting steam to spill out of her ears. "Come on, darling, let's just go. We can't cause a scene, we can't have anyone noticing who you are." Her gentleman partner begs, holding onto her. You know she wants to do more, your sly smile only pressing her even further, but she spins on her heel, strutting out of the store. As soon as she leaves you sigh, rubbing your temples. "Uh, M-Miss Y/N?" Your trainee stutters. "Are we actually allowed to kick her out?" You nod, smiling. "If any customer ever gives you a hard time, like if they're super rude to you or threaten you or something like that, you are allowed to refuse service to them." You explain, and she nods in understanding.

The rest of the day goes fairly smoothly, you pick up Sooyeon from school, make dinner and help her with her homework. Once she goes to sleep, however, you groan loudly as your phone rings. "What?" You huff after reluctantly answering. "Do you mind telling me exactly what happened between between you and Jungmeyon today?" Seokjin sounded a bit irritated, setting you off. "Your wife came into my shop today and had the nerve to call my daughter a whiny brat!" You shout quietly, overwhelmed by rage but still attentive enough to not wake up Sooyeon. "Hey, she's my daughter too. Why did she say that?" He asks. "Because Sooyeon got scared and you bought her the sundae. Said we cost you ten bucks." You huff. "Oh my God. Y/N, I'm so sorry. I lost track of her a long time ago and she does this kind of stuff all the time." He sighs. "Well maybe if you paid more attention your wife wouldn't be out with other guys making trouble."

There's some silence, and you wonder if you've said too much. "What did he look like?" He asks. "Um, well, younger, but tall. Fit, but kind of baby faced. Dark hair and earrings." You explain softly. There's a hum in response yet, and you don't know why, but it makes you nervous. "So she was with Jungkook today." His voice seems darker, deeper than before. "Nowadays I can't keep up with how many guys she has. I think he's the newest one, a new employee of mine." He says calmly. Your mouth hangs open, completely in shock. "You know she cheats on you and you let her?" You ask. "Yeah. I mean, it's not like we love each other. Arranged marriages are weird, typically made to benefit the parents and further their business ventures." He explains, and you nod. "That's a sad marriage if you don't love each other." You pout. "Well, there's only one woman I've ever loved." You can practically hear the smile in his words as your heart catches in your throat.

"You don't, uh, you don't cheat, do you?" You ask. "Y/N, I'm offended." He gasps playfully, and you giggle softly. "No, I don't cheat. I've never found anyone that was really worth it, even though it wouldn't matter if I did." The trace of hurt in his voice breaks your heart, but it's at this point that you guys are just talking pretty casually, like two old friends just catching up. Then you remember what it actually is. Old lovers talking only because his wife must've complained about you.

"Seokjin..." You start, but trail off. "I miss that." He says, catching you off guard. "Miss what?" You ask. "You saying my name. Your voice, it's not much different from when we were younger. Maybe a little lower now, but it still sounds so sweet." He says, making your heart race. "Seokjin I-" "Y/N, say it, please? My nickname. Please say it." He begs, and you can feel tears stinging your eyes. "Jinnie..." You say, a small sob escaping your lips. "Ah, Y/N. I miss you." He sighs. You openly sob at this point, not caring it he hears. "Baby please, don't cry." He cooes over the phone, but you wish he was there holding you. "You can't say those things." You choke out. "You're a married man." "I may be married, but that doesn't mean I love her. I told you that. Y/N, I still love you. I've never stopped loving you." He says softly. "Someone's gonna hear you if you keep saying stuff like that." You whimper, wiping away your tears. "No one's here, darling. Please, stop crying." He begs. Try as you might, you can't stop the river of tears from flowing.

"Y/N, please, let's meet somewhere so we can talk about things. I want to see you." He says, and you shake your head. "No, Seokjin. You can't be caught with another woman. I don't care how much you miss me, being seen with me will ruin your image." You insist, much to his disapproval. "I don't care what people think of me. I want to do things that make me happy, and seeing you would make me happy. Please, darling. One date." He says. "No. We can't. I have to go. Goodbye." You say, pulling the phone away from your ear. You hear shouting from the other end, but you hang up without another word, no longer wanting to hurt yourself anymore.

"I just, I don't know what to do." You sigh, leaning back in your chair. Sooyeon plays outside as you sit in your mom's house, visiting for Sunday dinner. "I still can't believe that actually happened. I mean what's the chance of just running into each other at an ice cream shop? Sounds like some kind of fairy tale or something." Your mom chuckles, and you glare at her. "You're right, my bad. What did he actually say to you the other night?" She asks. "He said that she cheats on him all the time and he misses me and he never stopped loving me and all that kind of stuff." You click your tongue. "Did he sound sincere?" She asks.

His words ring through your head, and you nod. "Well, how do you feel about him? Have you still not seen anyone?" She asks, taking your glance at the floor as confirmation. "Y/N, he was a sweet kid. You need to take the chance, see how things go." She suggests. "Yeah but he's married! I can't see a married man!" You cry. "Sweetheart, your father was married when I met him." She sighs.

You look at her with wide eyes. You never heard anything about your father, and you turned out just fine, which is why you weren't worried about raising Sooyeon the same way. "What?" You ask, almost breathless. "Technically, your father is still married. I was young, very young, and he was older and charming. I fell for him and became his mistress, until I had you. After I became pregnant he wanted nothing to do with me. All of his words and promised were lies, but I was young and stupid and even though I shouldn't have believed them I did. You, however, you know Seokjin, and he's so sweet, I don't think he'd ever be able to lie to you. Besides, you already have a child together, it's not like he's going to toss you to the side if you get pregnant. I think it'd be a good idea to meet with him, even if it's only once. You need closure, Y/N. Going out with him should give you that."

Her words bounce around in your head, shaking up your whole world. Your father was an adulterer, and you never knew. You still don't know who your father is, but it hurts that once you came around he completely abandoned your mother. She is right though. She trusted lies, yet you know Seokjin, and you can tell he's sincere. There's no harm in at least trying, right? You nod, showing her your agreement. You both look out the window, seeing Sooyeon play with her toys. "Does she know about any of it?" Your mother asks, and you shake your head. "I don't want to tell her anything and give her hopes up. Maybe one day I will, when she's older." You reply. "I guess I'll give him a call later." You sigh. "Well hold on now. Why don't you go upstairs and talk to him now, and try to do something tonight, and Sooyeon can stay here with me for the night." Your mom suggests, and you lean over to kiss her on the cheek. "Thanks, Mom." You smile before rushing upstairs.

The phone rings a few times before he picks up. "Well, this is a surprise." He says, you hearing the smile on his lips. "I accept." You say. "Uh, what?" He asks, and you chuckle. "What you asked the other night. I accept your offer. Let's meet up." You smile. "Are you serious? That's great! Uh, when do you want to do it?" He asks excitedly. "Are you busy now?" You ask nervously. "No, no I'm not. I was just doing some paperwork but that can wait. Where are you? I'll come pick you up and we can go somewhere, wherever you want." He says, and it warms your heart how happy he sounds. "I'm at my mom's house right now. Same place. And please, text me when you get here. I have Sooyeon here and I don't want her to know right now." You sigh, and he hums. "I get it. Alright. I'll be over there soon. Thank you, Y/N. See you in a bit." He says, making you smile. "See you soon." You smile before hanging up.

You go back downstairs, nodding to your smiling mother, and she cheers. "So tonight?" She asks with the biggest smile you've seen on her in years. "Tonight." You smile and nod. "Where are you going? What are the plans?" She asks excitedly. "He said he'll pick me up and we can go wherever I want, but I think I just wanna go home. You know I'm not a very high end woman, I like simple things. We can just go home and if he hasn't eaten yet I'll cook and we can just catch up. It's not a date date, it's just, you know, catching up." You shrug, sipping your glass of water.

It's a nerve wracking wait, but eventually your phone beeps, the text saying that he's here popping up. "Okay, please, take Sooyeon upstairs and keep her distracted until I'm gone. I don't want her knowing about this." You say, standing up. Your mom nods, and as she grabs Sooyeon, bringing her upstairs after you give your daughter a kiss goodbye, you finally notice what you're wearing. You're only wearing jeans and a sweater, and you feel very underdressed, but then you remember you're only going home.

You take a deep breath, whispering words of encouragement to yourself before opening the door. Your heart practically skips a beat when you see him, dressed in a suit, leaning up against an expensive black car with the sweetest smile on his face. You smile back, hurrying to meet up with him. As you stand in front of him, looking at the face you've missed so much, you realize how much he's grown. He's gotten taller, he's matured, his cheeks no longer as puffy, his facial features finally filling out. By the way his eyes roam over you, you can tell he's thinking the same thing.

His arms reach out to you, but you only pat them, giving him a small smile. "Not here. When we get there." You say quietly, and he nods. He opens the passenger door for you, letting you climb in before closing the door and rounding over to the driver's side. As he gets in and the door is finally closed he looks over to you, smiling sweetly at you. You look so mature, even more beautiful than you were when you were younger, and he's almost speechless. "So, darling, where did you want to go?" He asks, and your breath hitches at the nickname. He said it over the phone, but now here, in person, only about a foot away from each other, it feels different. It feels completely real.

"Um, well, I'm not exactly dressed very well, so I was thinking maybe we just go back to mine? Have you eaten yet?" You ask. "Oh, uh, no, I guess not. I get so caught up in paperwork that most of the time I forget to eat." He chuckles anxiously. "Well then, we can go back to mine and I'll whip something up." You nod and he smiles, nodding back. The only words between you after that are just you telling him how to get to your house, which isn't too far away.

He follows silently as you lead him upstairs, unlocking your door and stepping in, his hand reaching past your head to hold the door open for you. You put your stuff down and look back expectantly as he looks around. "It's nice. Not too bad. You were right, you do do well on your own." He smiles, recalling your words from your first conversation. Now that you two are alone, standing in your apartment, you start to feel butterflies in your stomach as you stare at each other longingly. Your breath quickens, and everything from your past together starts rushing to you, but you bite back all of the tears and smile. This is a time to be happy, catch up, be together. "You hungry?" You smile at him.

You lead him to the kitchen, opening your cupboards to see what you have. You click your tongue while you look, and Seokjin steps behind you, his broad shoulders blocking your light. "Do you have chicken?" He asks, and you shudder. "Uh, yeah, in the uh, the fridge." You stutter. "And iceberg lettuce?" He asks, and you nod. "Well then, looks like I can make chicken katsu." He says, catching you off guard. "You make i-" You start and turn around, but stop once you realize how close he is, looming over you, practically trapping you against the counter. "Yeah, go ahead. Sit down. You seem a bit flustered, so I'm fine with cooking." He smiles warmly, and you look away as your face heats up. You nod, slipping past him quickly to sit down at the dining table to keep an eye on him, just to make sure he doesn't burn your house down.

He takes his suit jacket off, draping it over a chair before loosening his tie, taking it off as well and putting it over the jacket. You watch attentively as he unbuttons the top buttons of his shirt and rolls up his sleeves, bitting your lip as you take in the view. You hear a deep chuckle, causing you to look him in the eyes and realize, you've been caught. "You know, darling, you're not too bad yourself. Time has done wonders to you." He smiles. "Please, I don't look half as good as you." You giggle, and he laughs. "I think you look way better." You blush at his words.

Its pretty quiet after that, him concentrated on making food and you concentrated on watching him cook. "All done! Where's the plates?" He asks. You hop up, going to the cupboard and grabbing two plates. He puts the food on them and you grab the chopsticks and you both set the table together. "It smells so good." You smile, suddenly hungry again. "It tastes even better, try it." He smiles, grabbing a piece and holding it out to you. You look at him, not sure whether you should or not. It seems too flirty and he's still married. "Oh come on, Y/N, just take the bite." He sighs exasperatedly. You smile before leaning forward taking the bite as he smiles.

"Oh my God, it is good!" You gasp. "I told you! I'm not that hopeless, I know how to cook." He insists, sounding slightly offended. "Well you used to be terrible at it. You remember when you came over for my birthday and I was craving an omelet and you almost burned my mom's kitchen down?" You smile and he laughs. "That wasn't my fault!" He cried, making you laugh even harder. "You spilled the egg right on the burner and put way too much salt!" You shout, almost choking in your food.

Once you finish your food you put the dishes in the sink and grab a wine bottle and glasses before leading him to the living room. You drink wine and catch up, talking about family stuff and things like that. You tell him about Sooyeon and he tells you about his family life, how his wife has cheated on him since the beginning and how only one of the children, who you found out are twins, is his. Apparently she had sex with a guy and was afraid she was going to get pregnant, so she went home the same day and begged Seokjin for a child, to which he agreed only because of his agreement with his father that he must have one child of his own to take over the company eventually, and she ended up having twins with two different fathers. His life sounded awful and exhausting, but yours wasn't exactly much better.

"What is she like? Like what kind of things is she into?" He asks, referring to Sooyeon. You get up, motioning for him to follow you. You lead him to Sooyeon's room and flick on the light, a small gasp escaping his lips as he looks around. The walls are pink, there's a lot of stuffed animals, and luckily due to you asking her to clean her room earlier, it's all nice and neat, all her books and clothes put away. "It's adorable." He smiles. "She really likes pink? And stuffed animals?" You nod, and he seems so happy. "I can't believe this. I've always wanted a little girl." Your heart warms at his giddiness. "Well, you've had a little girl for ten years, Seokjin." You point out, and you can hear him gulp.

"Y/N," He says, grabbing you gently and turning you to face him. "I'm so sorry that I left. Please believe me when I say that I tried everything to come back to you, but my father locked me in the house until he found a girl for me to marry. I wanted to be there so bad but I was basically married immediately and of course, once I was married I took over the company and I couldn't come back. The most I could do was send those checks every month." He explains. You look away, not wanting to look at him in fear that you'd cry. "You could've done more. You could've tried to find me or call me or something and not miss the first ten years of our daughter's life." You whisper. "I know. Y/N, I know I messed up, but I'm here now so please, let me do what I can." He begs.

His hands cup your cheeks, making you look up at him, his eyes full of promise and hope. He starts to lean into you slowly, but before he can kiss you, you turn away, his lips connecting with your cheek. "We can't. You're still married." You remind him. "Can you stop saying that? Yes, legally I'm married, but it's not a love marriage. It's an arranged marriage. I don't love her." He says, but you just shake your head. "Y/N, I love you. I don't love her. You're the only woman I ever have loved and ever will love. I loved you before and it's only grown with time. Now we're here, together, and I still love you more than anything in the world." His words stir something inside of you, and before you know it, tears are falling down your cheeks.

"No, please, darling, don't cry." He cooes, wiping your tears with his thumbs. "I still love you too." You whimper, looking up at him. His mouth is hung open, reminding you of when he first saw you at the ice cream shop, but this time his eyes look watery. This time when he leans in, you let him, and it feels as if electricity runs through you as your lips touch. You sigh into the kiss, giving in as his lips move against yours. His thumbs caress your cheeks as he steps forward, slowly backing you into the wall. His body pressed against yours, your arms wrapping around his neck to pull him closer. Feeling him so close to you again, the same lips that you've been longing for against yours, your fingers tangle in his soft hair, gently tugging to make sure this is all real, and as a soft moan comes from him, you can feel yourself get lost in it all.

You squeal as his leg slides in between yours, his thigh brushing up against your clothed center. Your noise startles him, making him pull back. "Are you okay?" He asks, and you nod. "S-Sorry, just, kinda, uh, sensitive?" You stutter, making him smile. "Why's that, darling?" He whispers, brushing your hair out of your face. "Well, to be honest, I uh, haven't actually, been with anyone since, you." You admit, turning your head in embarrassment. "Really? Oh, Y/N." He sighs, pulling you back into a kiss. It's more passionate this time, his tongue flicking against your bottom lip to ask for entrance. You gladly accept, moaning into his mouth as his hands leave your face, trailing down your body to wrap around your waist.

His kisses trail down to your neck and he pulls you closer to him, your chest flushed against his. You gasp as he gently pulls your hips closer, gliding against his thigh. You moan softly, holding onto him as your hips start to move on their own, chasing any friction they can find. He grunts, apparently impatient and needy as he grips the back of your thighs. You hop up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You start to place soft kisses on his neck as he seeks out your room. He finally does, carrying you to the bed and laying you down. His body presses down against yours, pushing you into the mattress.

In a fury of hot kisses and clothes flying around, you both were quickly undressed, forgetting about everything else in the world and focusing only on each other. Seokjin sits back, taking in the sight of you laying beneath him, completely bare, and you admire his broad shoulders and toned torso, especially his stiffening cock. "Oh my God, Y/N, you're more beautiful than I remembered. Time really has been good to you." He says, licking his lips. "I can say the same about you." You smile, biting your bottom lip. He grips under your knees, bring them to rest by his hips as he leans forward, peppering your collarbone with soft kisses, tracing down to your breasts. You whimper as he takes one of your pert nipples into his mouth, his soft fingers tweaking the other. He sucks and flicks his tongue against it before switching to the other one, giving it the same treatment.

He falls next to you, leaning on his elbow as he catches your lips with his once more, his other hand trailing down your body to your lower abdomen, sending goosebumps over your body. "Darling, you said you haven't been with anyone since me, so tell me, what have you done to get release until now?" He asks softly, his hand lowering and cupping your heat. "I-I uh, I just have um, a little uh, quiet vibrator." You stutter. "Really now? So you haven't actually had anything in you for a while, is that right, Princess?" He asks. The nickname catches you off guard. He's never ever called you that, and it turns you on to no end, and by your squirming, he can tell. "You like the sound of that, Y/N? You like it when I call you Princess?" He cooes, and you nod.

"Well then, my Princess, seeing as you haven't had anything in you in ten years, I think it's time you get some relief, don't you think?" He asks. Before you can even answer his finger glides across your slit, burying in you as you gasp. "You're so wet for me, Princess. So sensitive. I've been waiting so long to feel you again." He says while placing kisses all over your face and neck. He adds a second finger, making you moan from the stretch. It felt so foreign to you, being something you haven't felt in a long time, but it was good. "J-Jinnie please." You whimper, your hips shifting on their own, trying to chase his fingers whenever they pull out of you. "What is it, Princess? What do you want?" He asks, his tongue licking up from your collarbone up to the back of your ear. "I want you. Please." You beg.

"I want you too, darling. So bad. You know, I'd really love to take my time and feel you, stretch you out with my fingers, taste you, make you cum over and over again, but I don't think I can hold back any longer. I have to have you now, Princess. You don't have any uh, protection, do you?" He asks. You haven't even thought about that. "No, I don't." You pout. After a moment of thinking he takes his fingers out of you, popping them into his mouth and savoring the taste before climbing on top of you. "Oh well, we already have one kid together, why not another?" He smiles. You playfully slap his chest with a gasp. "Ok, ok, if you want I can buy you some plan b or something in the morning if you really don't want to have my baby again, but I don't think it's such a bad idea." He smirks. "We'll talk about it later just please," you whimper, running your hands along his sides, causing him to shiver "make love to me now. Please Jinnie I need you." He sighs longingly at your words, cupping your cheek as he kisses you softly. "I will never, ever, say no to that." He smiles before gripping his member, guiding it to your entrance.

You let out a simultaneous moan as he pushes into you, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as his head falls into the crook of your neck. "Oh my God." He exhales, his warm breath fanning over you. It's a stretch, a lot different from when you were stupid kids messing around. This seems more real to you. It's not just kids sneaking around young, dumb, and in love. You're both adults now, matured and grown, and it feels so much different, but it's incredible. You lay there, still, soaking in the feeling of him in you, the love you feel, and the warmth his body is radiating.

"Hey." He whispers, cupping your cheek and looking you in the eye. "You okay? Do you hurt or anything?" He asks, and you shake your head. "Good. You're just, so, fucking tight that I was worried it was hurting you. Damn, it feels like the first time." He smiles, his hand stroking along the side of your thigh. "I-I think it's good. Move. Please move." You beg, moving your hips against him. He groans, biting his lip. "Whatever you want, Princess. I promise, you can always have whatever you want with me." He smiles, kissing you as he pulls out, just to grind back in. He gives you slow, deep thrusts, grinding sensually against you as you hold him tight, his hands caressing over your entire body as his lips swallow your moans, as if he's trying to memorize every inch of your body. His cock stretches your walls deliciously, just the right amount so it doesn't hurt.

"You feel so good, Princess. God, I've missed you so much." He sighs, his own soft, needy moans tumbling from his lips. "I've missed you too, Jinnie. I love you so much." You whimper, a tear escaping and rolling down the side of your face. He stops moving, wiping your tear and kissing your cheeks. "Hey hey hey, sh, it's okay, darling. I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna leave my girls again." He cooes. "But, after this, you'll have to go back to her." Your bottom lip quivers, and he smiles sadly. "Only for a little bit. Y/N, I never wanted to be with her. I've only ever wanted to be with you. I'll go back, but only to hand her divorce papers once I get them from my lawyer." He says, and you gasp. "S-Seokjin are you-" "I'm serious, darling. I love you. I want to be with you." He nods, and you smile, hugging him tightly.

"Does this mean I can move now? I was kinda close before talking and now I really wanna finish and make you mine again." He chuckles and you laugh. "Yes, please. Please move. I'd like to finish and go take a shower, you're sweating all over me." You giggle. "Your wish is my command, darling." He smiles. He shifts, angling your hips up towards him as you laugh. "What are you, a geni-OH!" You cry out as he slams into you, surprising you as his tip brushes your g-spot. "Right there?" He asks with a smirk. You whine, nodding frantically as you grip onto his biceps. "Perfect." He smiles before thrusting again.

It's not as slow and loving as before, but his deep, calculated thrusts have him hitting you in the right places each time, driving you crazy. Your nails dig small crescents into his bicep as his fingers grip the sheets by your head. Moans, grunts, and whines all bounce off your walls, both of you completely lost in the pleasure his thrusts are providing. "Mm, Seok-jin, I'm g-getting-" "I know, Princess. Me too." He groans. He brings his hand lower, his thumb tracing circles into your neglected bud. Your legs tremble around his waist as you come undone, your walls squeezing around him. "Ooh fffffuuuu-" He groans, his arms shaking as he releases into you, his body falling on top of you as he finishes.

You catch your breath as his hand soothingly caresses your side, his plump lips presses small kisses into your neck and shoulder. "Are you okay?" He whispers, and you nod. "Good. That was so good, baby. So good. You're so good for me. I can't wait to really take my time with you." He hums, making you smile. He finally pulls out of you, making you whimper from the loss of warmth and the sensation of cum trickling out of your hole. He lays down next to you, you turning to rest your head on his shoulder his arm slides under you, your leg resting atop of his. "So, you uh, you weren't just saying that you'd divorce her so I'd go through with this, right?" You ask nervously. A playful gasp escapes his lips, slightly scaring you. "Now Y/N, do you really think I'm the type of man to lie to get a girl to sleep with me? I haven't had sex in six years because I don't do that."

"So, you mean it? You're really gonna divorce her?" You ask. He nods, smiling as you hug him tightly out of excitement. "I meant it when I said I'm not leaving my girls again. I want to be here for you and Sooyeon and make up for lost time. I know I've been a terrible father and I want to make it up to her and give her everything her little heart wants while making sure that she and her mommy are loved very much." He says, placing a kiss on you forehead. "Thank you, Seokjin. I just hope it's not too difficult to get done." You sigh. "What, the divorce or loving my girls?" He asks. "Both. I don't know how divorces work and it's an arranged marriage so I really have no clue and Sooyeon, I don't know how she'll handle it." You reply. "Well, we'll figure it out. I promise, everything is going to work out just fine.

~2 Years Later~

Seokjin was right. Everything did work out. The divorce was longer than you expected, but it ended up with his father being pissed, which made you happy. Even though one of the kids was his, since they were still twins they didn't want to be separated, so they went with their mom, Seokjin's child coming to stay with him every other weekend.

As for you, you were happily living with Seokjin in a large penthouse with your daughter. You were relieved at how easily she caught on to things, being much more mature for her age than you thought. Seokjin had easily won her over, giving her a huge room to herself decorated however she wanted with everything she could dream of, exactly as he promised. You and Seokjin were doing very well too, still seemingly in the honeymoon phase even two years into your more mature relationship. Additionally, you were expecting a new bundle of joy in just a few months, a nursery already set up and decorated, ready for baby number two.

Even with all the changes, you still kept your tradition with Sooyeon, and today was Friday, which meant she got to pick something fun for your little family to do. Luckily, even though she was in her preteen phase, she wasn't moody and against family time, so she picked to go to the carnival that was in town. It had been an amazing night, even though you couldn't ride any of the rides. You walk hand in hand with Seokjin while Sooyeon happily lead you around the fairgrounds. She stopped in front of the ferris wheel, an excited smile spreading on her face as she looks up. "Dad! Dad!" She cries, turning to smile at him. "You wanna go on there, sweetheart?" He asks her, but she shakes her head. She runs over to him, making him lean down so she can whisper in his ear.

"Ah. That's perfect. Good eye, kiddo." He smiles, patting her shoulder. You cock an eyebrow at them when Seokjin lets go of your hand, turning to face you. "You know, the perfect place to do this would be at the top of there," he says, pointing to the top of the ferris wheel, "but, in your condition we can't take that chance, and I can't wait any longer, so down here will have to do." He smiles, and you tilt your head in confusion. "Y/N, you are the only woman that I have ever truly loved, well, except for this beautiful girl here. I love her too." He smiles, pulling Sooyeon to his side as she hugs him. "Anyways, I knew from the moment that I saw you in that hallway in school so many years ago that you were the one for me. I've always wanted to make you mine truly, and I really hope that you want to be mine."

He grabs your hands, giving them a squeeze and smiling as he looks down at you. "I want to make you happy for the rest of our lives, and take care of our family and be the best father, and husband, that I can be." You gasp as he drops down on his knee, pulling a small box out of his pocket, opening it and smiling up at you. "Y/N, please, will you marry me?" He asks. You sob, completely shocked. You look between him and Sooyeon, whose standing behind him and smiling expectantly. "Y-Yes! Oh my God yes!" You cry, tears rolling down your cheeks. "Yes? Yes!" He shouts, jumping up to hug you tightly. Sooyeon joins in on the hug, you and Seokjin parting enough for her to slip in.

You pull away, wiping your tears with one hand as Seokjin takes the other, sliding the ring onto your finger. It's absolutely beautiful, and you honestly couldn't be happier. This felt like the actual start of your life together, being together as one, which is everything you've ever dreamed of.

[migleefulmoments]

I don't think anything of what the cc fandom posts anymore is "continued optimism". It looks like sheer terror that they're losing their game. Abby is in pure desperation mode, trying to rally the troops because she can see Darren's life is turning out to be nothing like she predicted. She can no longer validate that Darren NEEDS her, he keeps going against her. They're losing their grip. This isn't optimism, it's because everything Darren is doing equals Abby losing control of the narrative.

I agree with that they were in panic mode since the wedding but the 72 hours or so after Hollywood was announced they were euphoric that this was proof that Darren would be coming out soon.  That has worn off already and they are back to their normal crap but for a few days, they were giddy. They were even speaking about a divorce in very near future.

I am going on record, I like AW and I like her a lot.  She is team D, I really have no doubt and everything she is showing is that she is on his side and around to protect him often and frequently. 

Yes she is giving us the illusion that she and PBB are besties that love to take intimate photos together but in reality she is showcasing exactly who M is, how much she lacks chemistry with D, some really not so pretty moments behind the scenes btwn D&M (there was some golden footage from European trip number 1 includng that video from the fireworks where E is all snuggled into her man and D&M look like virtual strangers), she flew to that island to babysit, and she announced the business family honeymoon.

Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. 

AW is team d. She is a hard working, extremely successful men’s stylist with a pretty impressive client list at this point.  And while she would absolutely have loyalty toward D, as she built her career styling him, she should not be this involved. A friend just reminded me that her other client, FW is currently promoting the J/udy Ga/rland movie.  That is something AW usually would accompany her clients to, she follows D everywhere.  yet no one questions why instead of being with FW she spent 2 days in a row with PBB.

I think she and d are working together and i believe she provides d with comfort. She babysits M, she works as a buffer, and unlike so many other enablers, she has D’s back.  She is smart, she knows how to play M and her stans.  On the surface she looks like she might almost be in love with M (seriously she has way more chemistry with her than D), but it is all a mirage, done for show. And if you look behind a lot of what she posts, it is harmful to m/iarren.  

I know I have repeated the same think a lot over the past 48 hours, but I am so scared to allow myself to believe that change is ahead. And i got burned with ACS because I BELIEVED with my entire being this was the beginning of change and then everything escalated to full on disaster.  But I still think no one got burned more than D&C because I am fairly certain they thought change was ahead as well.(Again the narcissism just has to rear it’s ugly head). 

But I cannot stop myself from being optimistic and it is not just the RM partnership.  It is the totality of the circumstances. It is watching the past 7 months since the sham mockery.  It is seeing how they past 7 months were designed solely to promote her, not D, and done mainly using people only seen by fandom (her employees/friends, SK, PBB’s team).  She got the massive exposure and the press from the “wedding” and some RCs as the “wife” but not much more and has now been relegated to mainly being promoted by the aforementioned. And that is only seen by fandom. Add, for the past several months, D himself has hardly tried.  A random good pic here and there, but otherwise he orchestrated group honeymoons, barely touched her even when kissing, the jerk, bitch glare, the back turn.  D has gained nothing until now. He certainly did not do this for a show he sold 3 years ago that is being written by, like them or not, Hwood novices.   I hardly think he needed a wife to score the TB commercial. And SA doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who cares who d’s partner is, it was just a great collaboration.

And here we are, September, D is filming R/oyalties and we get the announcement that he is collaborating with RM again, not just as the star, but exec producer of a show that largely involves, based on early press, LGBT+ themes.  And I have to HOPE.

The stage is set.  D “married” her.  He has been set up to take the blame as well as his team, thereby absolving RM.  And it would make a lot of sense for RM to now step in and play the “hero.”  We know the truth. D and C know the truth.  But RM has the power to smooth what is going to be a difficult narrative to navigate. And it is a win for D&C and a win for RM.  The m/iarrens are going to be devastated, as they are so invested in being right and D being straight (No we aren’t)(again the narcissism and her soul-crushing need to be right-is this about Darren or Abby?).  And even if we just get a separation it will all be questioned. Because M is the only thing that makes him straight (not true, Darren identifying as straight is what makes him straight).  Everything else points at the opposite.  Add the press has not helped him at all on his path to come out, so it is going to be difficult to navigate.  Having the “king of television” in his corner speaks volumes.

And then there is his horrific, abusive, incompetent team. And they haven’t just fucked with him, it seems with their no queer article they fucked with RM.(Huh? What?) I really hope they live to regret it.

Karma is a bitch.. May she rear her ugly head and finally give these people what they deserve. If i am sitting here a year from now and nothing has changed, I will be heartbroken for him.  And wonder if maybe he did choose career.  I just can’t believe that is who he is. I think he is a fighter and everything he has ever shown confirms that (DELUSION-ville) thought even if there was some confusion when the fraud in NOLA first occurred.  

Here is hoping nonnie.  Here is hoping.

I think a major decision like this was made together.

Read the book when it comes out in Oct 1. I thought c references RM. now I’m near positive.

And Hwood itself was initially announced in February.  I immediately thought this was the project RM was cooking up (curious if FW and CF join the cast).  But then there was silence for months,

And the first 8 months of 2019 were a complete shitshow that included that absolute fiasco in NOLA, excessive PBB promo, ads, ads, ads, TB, and SK.  Not a single one of which were worthy of D’s time and attention.  And to all onlookers, we were dazed and confused.  utterly and completely and not sure what to think or believe.

But putting the pieces together prior to last nights announcement, logically and rationally looking at everything, it seems to me that finally D was tying up loose ends.  While I do think D himself was dazed and confused in the first few weeks after that fraud occurred, it has been clear to me that starting with the work family group honeymoon (I think of all the arrows to m/iarren that have been shot, this might be my favorite) something shifted.  How anyone can not see that that woman was being way over promoted is beyond me (Because “promotion isn’t a thing, Abby”). But clearly the 1st 8 months of 2019 were devoted to giving her everything and anything she ever wanted.  Add in SK, the biggest enablers, that are being rewarded, first by raising an obnoxious amount of cash, and now with R/oyalties with D’s writers being his partners in the business. All of these things are massive pay out.

And last night we get this announcement from D.

notes-from-nowhere

do you want to know what I find very intriguing in all of this? The fact that all of that has been said in this topic pretty much sums up what we have said in the last 15 months if not more.

The latest news only uncovers the thread that keep all of “out theories” together. Of course something might be wrong, misplaced or misunderstood but the big picture is there for all to see (No, you don’t say?).

I do think it is too soon for me to fully embrace the idea that finally things are on the right path but well, please, excuse me for my optimism after a year and a half of struggle.

I’m going to root for D to have back his life and to finally be free to make his own choices. I hope this career advancement (or for better wording: this career extension) will give him what he wants and the power to just be his fully self and spread his wings.

I will watch what’s unfold in front of my eyes with interest from now on and a reneview wave of hope. 

I do trust D is going to take the best decision ever among those available to him. My only fear is that those options may not be the one I hope for him but all I can do right now is wait and see. Hope for the best and expect the worst. Is the wiser thing I can do

ajw720

@notes-from-nowhere it’s impossible to not be skeptical. I didn’t see that “wedding” a 1000 miles away. (SMH) I care way too much (a me problem). I felt like my heart broke that day and I need to take care of me and be cautious. But I’m leaning this is good and I do think the public evidence to date supports this.

This is what euphoria looks like in cc fandom.  

It’s interesting that she convinced herself this is Darren coming out when she thought he would come out during Hedwig based on this:

He and C were very relaxed, joking at interviews when G/lee was ending, both in France at the same time, the C/ol-Fur joke, the repeated telling of mandate.  Everything seemed to point to a positive resolution.  C even scheduled his book tour to be finished the day prior to d’s last performance. and then D was nominated for an emmy and everything seemed to shift and spun out of control and here we are, 4 years later.

She “rationally analyzes” the data and comes to the conclusion he’s coming out rather than understanding he’s just living his life. 

[sagamemes]

podiots sentence starters, part i.   contains 143 lines of dialogue collected from episodes one through three of the vidiots’ fortnightly podcast podiots. i’ve edited some lines to fit roleplay better, and randomised the order. contains two mentions of violence against nazis---last two sentences on the list, if don’t want to see it---feel free to change those into your muse’s in-universe equivalents, as well as edit anything else needed to fit your muse’s mouth or life better.

❝ after my dad showed me that, i never trusted him again. ❞

❝ that’s actually an explanation for a lot of ghost sightings, carbon monoxide poisoning. there are symptoms that cause like hallucinations and feelings of dread and fear. ❞

❝ i would be called chocolate thunder, and i’d wear a cape. ❞

❝ would you just get over it? i was a kid! ❞

❝ it was just this weird rag doll girl who happened to be in a bikini just falling, forever. ❞

❝ is there ever not a sexual element to it?! ❞

❝ well, you’ve clearly never met a salaried genie who’s on a retainer. ❞

❝ you’ve had your money taken. ❞

❝ i just want people to pay attention, for fuck’s sake. ❞

❝ you guys are really into your obscure shit. ❞

❝ it’s a bit like class tourism, isn’t it? ❞

❝ that’s what i was saying, this is---this is probably not legal. ❞

❝ you asked to bring weird things. ❞

❝ boy, do i hate facebook! ❞

❝ to be fair, her balloon animals are quite impressive. ❞

❝ jesus, why aren’t you on neopets yet? ❞

❝ you can’t always afford the homemade stuff. and typically, there’s less of it. and sometimes it’s not very good. and you’re paying a premium! ❞

❝ i’m so fucking over [thing]. to be fair, i ruined it for myself. ❞

❝ he’s just some time traveller, fucking with them with a fucking mp3 player. ❞

❝ what the fuck is a ‘num noms’? ❞

❝ so it’s a miracle that [name] didn’t asphyxiate himself as a child, and it’s amazing that i didn’t have some kind of cardiac issue almost immediately in my late teens. what do you bring to the table here? ❞

❝ i’m a big fan of weird gameboy stuff. ❞

❝ i’m like that rabbit from alice in wonderland. tiny, and late, and white. ❞

❝ it’ll make you terrified of ever going to a hotel again. ❞

❝ i like watching it but it’s not teaching me anything. ❞

❝ no, i don’t think there was any bubbles in it. ❞

❝ what do your mums think about what you’re doing? ❞

❝ gho-mophobic. that was a really difficult pun. ❞

❝ should we just start it? should we just go without him? ❞

❝ not that i could out-style you in any capacity. ❞

❝ i shouldn’t have asked for a horse. ❞

❝ our problem was nobody would take us seriously. ❞

❝ i’ve spent months trying to explain the job to her. my old job, she kind of got that, but now... ❞

❝ about halfway into the first [food] i went ‘oh... this is a lot of food’.---/i ate it all/, and then i felt sick for the rest of the sunday. ❞

❝ you were skirting around it, but if you ask me, directly, that’s what i’m going to say. ❞

❝ say a ghost laid a ghost poo on the floor, does it just stay there forever? ❞

❝ do you have an answer to this? because i’ve never given /any/ thought... ❞

❝ i’ve heard somewhere you can do that now. ❞

❝ my mum thinks you’re very funny, [name]. ❞

❝ no, that was all you. every penny, all you. ❞

❝ not the reason i was there, but it was a nice benefit. ❞

❝ stop. i mean---don’t stop. but /stop/. ❞

❝ [name] is the kind of man who’s so rich, he thinks a can of beans costs two thousand dollars. ❞

❝ just before going/coming in, my taxi driver said ‘oh, be careful, people get stabbed around here, bye!’ ❞

❝ be aware that this is /not/ a donation to a charitable cause. ❞

❝ i just do shots of olive oil. ❞

❝ no wonder he’s so fucking weird. ❞

❝ get a big old truck, for all that junk inside your trunk. ❞

❝ you’re not supposed to put cotton swabs in there, let alone a lit flame. ❞

❝ fuck you... [name]. i’m gonna... suck. your dick. ❞

❝ i’ve admittedly grown more bold with my culinary disgusts. ❞

❝ my chocolate shotgun, it’s a legally non-threatening weapon. ❞

❝ you did look very smart. very respectable. ❞

❝ everyone’s pulled the legs off a daddy longlegs, but that’s just like level one, that’s where you leave it. ❞

❝ see, that just sounds like batman. ❞

❝ i forgot that was the origin of this. ❞

❝ i feel like there’s something in the air. ❞

❝ there’s cosplaying and dressing up, and then there’s furries. ❞

❝ obviously, he--i mean i say obviously, like it’s /logical/, but... ❞

❝ if they did that, it’d be a lot more convenient for me. sometimes, it’s not the end of the world, is all i’m saying. ❞

❝ i am a freak. i have hands and feet, and if you’d saw me, you’d be petrified. ❞

❝ they have a meal deal which is like [£40/€45/$55]. and you get like a 25" square pizza, like seven garlic breads, and several ice creams. i could never make a dent in that, but the idea of it sounds very sexy. ❞

❝ well, he’ll be back soon! ❞

❝ you know, like a hammer throw---if i tied a string around it, i think i could throw a ps2 pretty far. properly like, swing it around, lean against it, do a spin. ❞

❝ day to day... i don’t eat breakfast. ❞

❝ we’re trying to be on everything, that’s our goal. ❞

❝ my finishing move would be called the ‘fuck you.’ ❞

❝ but i could never do that, i've got stuff to do! ❞

❝ i like dad rock. ❞

❝ if you’re having a party, i’m going to tell you what to do. ❞

❝ she looks far more normal than i expected. ❞

❝ i asked metaphorically, not physically. ❞

❝ i asked for some ___. we got about fifty. we only needed five. ❞

❝ there’s still time to save this american icon. ❞

❝ there were two [job title]s in there, who were like, super young and sexy men with really nice hair. ❞

❝ it’s read like it’s a documentary, not like ‘haha, and then he died!’ ❞

❝ i don’t want my lampshade looking at me! ❞

❝ give him something to do, he’ll be quiet, [name] and i can go to the shops and talk about where our marriage went wrong. ❞

❝ you don’t need to look at the front. usually, you’re behind ____. if he’s got a nice arse, that’s all that matters. ❞

❝ what’s your favourite cereal? ❞

❝ i’m just saying---sometimes local shops are shit. ❞

❝ i don’t think if you know this, [name]---i think you do, because you told me. ❞

❝ you take kids to a mcdonald’s, they’ll play at mcdonald’s. ❞

❝ you exist and then you don’t. ❞

❝ [name] is going through some financial issues, by which i mean, it’s fucked. ❞

❝ that’s a bit morbid. ❞

❝ i was thinking about ____ earlier. yeah, it crosses my mind at least like once an hour. ❞

❝ i had a great day, we went outside for lunch, i got gelato, it was great! ❞

❝ the tabloids loved the story. ❞

❝ you have to be really confused. ❞

❝ i really wanted to include h. h. holmes in this list because he’s my favourite murderer. ❞

❝ we’re not journalists, we’re just idiots on the internet. ❞

❝ it’s not the kind of name you gloss over. ❞

❝ ‘how did it get there?’ this is a /talking mongoose/ and you’re wondering how it got there? ❞

❝ is he a cat?! ❞

❝ i bought a replacement [name]. ❞

❝ i grew up in a village that didn’t even have a supermarket. ❞

❝ he was just---he was borderline abusive in my own house. ❞

❝ that’s gonna take you forever! ❞

❝ okay, well, i’m uncomfortable, what are we doing? ❞

❝ we’re not like... ‘i think i can make a joke about fighting your mother while playing a game’. we don’t know that well. ❞

❝ he’s like a genie, we only get one wish per day. ❞

❝ you take a drink and then you’re like ‘i don’t wanna drink too loud’ so you end up taking a tiny amount but then you don’t want to swallow too loud so you sort of inhale it a little bit and you’re like ‘i can’t cough, i can’t cough’... ❞

❝ now, [name] just heard that i wanted the attention and instantly decided he needed it instead. ❞

❝ we’re in dire need of new shelves. that money is going straight to shelves. ❞

❝ i never played ____. i kinda missed that train. ❞

❝ i could do the face for free. ❞

❝ it’s immediately feeling very warm in here. ❞

❝ presumably, this guy owns a lot of toys, so num noms is a thing. ❞

❝ i think that’s just a [region/state] thing. ❞

❝ let’s play a game called ‘how many people did they murder?’ ❞

❝ who is getting out of this room alive? ❞

❝ it’s like that song about the grandfather clock. ‘and it stopped, short, never to go again, when the ooold maaan died’. ❞

❝ [in the tune of new york] you’ll get punched in yoouur face. ❞

❝ don’t---don’t entertain his odd nonsense! ❞

❝ i don’t like people! i want my own space! ❞

❝ that’s something i always found really fascinating, like just wanting the username ‘batman’. how early would you have to be just to be ‘batman’? ❞

❝ you can’t complain about something disappearing if you’ve not been using it. ❞

❝ oh yeah, i always go to the dentist and get my brows done. ❞

❝ i loved [old place], and [this place] is also very lovely, it’s just a lot more expensive. ❞

❝ it’s a shame. just a couple of months longer and you would’ve had some employee rights. ❞

❝ there is a very good balloon elmo in this picture. ❞

❝ so, with all of this, what do you think the result is of this kind of upbringing and toxic relationship with your mother? ❞

❝ yeah, think about that. maybe we don’t like you. ❞

❝ they're’s so comfortable, i could almost fall asleep. ❞

❝ could you take this bottle of water, pour it in the sink, fill it again, and bring back to me? ❞

❝ it’s a sex number, i like it. ❞

❝ so what did the police do?---return him to [person]. ❞

❝ i wish /my/ mum thought i was funny. ❞

❝ okay, that’s gonna be interesting, having someone with a blade on my throat. ❞

❝ they can fire me if they want! they can fire me! ❞

❝ i don’t know why i said ‘basically’ like i’m about to explain how the internet works. ❞

❝ before, i had---there’s a shame element, isn’t it? you don’t want to do it because you’re afraid of judgement. ❞

❝ at one point, he had me squatting barefoot in my own bath. ❞

❝ eventually, we’re just gonna have to buy a storage locker for all this stuff. ❞

❝ i’ve got quite a sizeable list, i won’t talk about all of them. ❞

❝ how did we become the internet goblins we are today? ❞

❝ are you allergic to a.i.? ❞

❝ at least this is something you’re self-aware. if it was something other people had picked up on... ❞

❝ we have yellow and black, kind of a barry b. benson inspired look. ❞

❝ i was very disappointed at like eight when i found out they weren’t called ‘the food fighters’. ❞

❝ oh yeah, kicking hitler and shooting nazis is a lot of fun. ❞

❝ i’d love to throw a bop it extreme at hitler’s face, is what i’m saying, and i could do it from a long distance away. ❞

[the-firebird69]

Battleship - Official Global Trailer

Rimpac is really fleet week in San Diego it's happening in November they say the 4th but I suspect the date might be earlier and I'm not really sure but really the first is coming up very quickly the 4th would be but that would be Thursday but I do suspect that it is earlier but I can't confirm and Thor it might be.

And I don't know if Adidas earlier or not but they do rehearse at this time they usually do a week or two ahead and all the way up to it and I've told you yes Frank Castle Hardcastle Duke Nukem Blockbuster says yes and just need a thumbs up. I'm going to fire some more effort as soon as these people you probably should . Let's go some military grade ones but the tracks going right over there tanks.

But I do have something to say this is big bro league for a long time fist fight between morelock and regular people it's going on everywhere these retarded people simply will not back down on any stupid conversation argument or point of everything and are the most annoying people I've ever seen in my life their tooling around bothering people all day long you're trying to work I'm trying to play the trying to do things and then sister attention and on bothering them and really they're criminals trying to steal stuff so we're going to answer them and Max of laughter and tons of people going after them is there making it obvious. And now people see that he's got Georgia stuff they're getting hammered I mean they're getting pummeled how old is Ben Platt flat out broke shortly we started cordoning off New Jersey and Delaware and they questioned about it they find out he was flying the black ship someone traced in there I'll send it turned into this huge fight open New York City New Jersey Delaware and it is a giant fight up there now is huge tanks fighting Max is going to town on them and bring them down it is about time these people are so intolerant of anybody that looks somewhat normal they give me to send so much trouble until they get fat instead of leaving it alone and it started again probably strong you're really stupid his very strong is what his stomach muscles from laughing at you idiots could cramp but still

You're very obnoxious just telling me man I can't stand it I can't take what they're saying it they're horrid little creatures massively ignorant in so stupid it hurts say they're going to beat me all the time what's the time I don't care cuz they're sitting there bothering me end it's like this and son says to me if the max have the flagship or whatever where the fuel idiot probably has all of them then they would have the tag but this moron has the ships and doesn't have tech.

Further he sits up all night long harassing our son tell me tomorrow tell him to go screw making like a big huge guy and does nothing now I can't ask access the ship's so what did with his damn problem is and he comes out and says I'm trying to kidnap him if you don't mind so he pulled them over and said we're going to beat you up because you're trying that this is no you aren't we beat them up and he knows I've got your number and I said we know about those shifts because you're sitting here they're up there that's me that you're smart.

We left and he keeps going come back over here I got something for you so you go back over there pretty soon she was talking about and we know it's nothing I'm going to hit him this is stupid enough to come outside it has talking next door we're not the people that sometimes in there we're not supposed to be there so it comes out and says you don't even live here what are you doing here and we say we're having a good time watching you if you think it's really nice is really really awesome I can't thank you at all and this other problems but that is your hand alleles over there too yep amazing night

Duke Nukem Blockbuster