#my sister's just started started uni and i also have my little siblings to consider i cant burden my parents any more than i have

[chiisana-lion]

[hozierandco]

Sam Fender x Reader / call me lover

Friends to lovers. Lots of fluff.

Plot: Y/N and Sam have been friends for as long as they can remember but growing up has led them to grow apart. There are many things they have to tell one another.

The thing with kids is that they grow up. Too quickly, with too much silence surrounding them.

Sam was a boy, Y/N was a girl but to one another, they were just friends. They had known each other for as long as they could recall and had not doubted one second that they were just friends. Of course, there were the subtle questions from their parents, the hesitation when Sam would spend the night at Y/N's but their parents too knew it was just friendship.

Although they agreed that with all the secrets and trust they shared, they would be the best of couples, they thought it to be too pure to be broken.

Their friends too believed that it would inevitably happen, that they would end up together. Of all people, Dru was the most persistent on the matter. He had known Y/N for a longer time than Sam since Y/N's mother was the doula and a close friend to Drew's. Therefore, the two of them considered each other as siblings.

He  liked to tease Sam to make him confess a crush he would have on Y/N. To no avail.

And then, there had been Y/N's first boyfriend when she was 15. At a time in his life when he was still playing Fifa in his room when he was not toying with his piano, he had to endure his best friend clung to her boyfriend's arm.

For the first time, he felt repulsed by the sight of Y/N but mostly by that of the Alex Turner wannabe her heart had fallen for. He began writing about love and deception though he had no reason to have known either.

Of course, the idyll was cut short with Alex Turner #2 coming back from summer camp without his virginity anymore, exploit he felt the need to share with the whole school.

Sam and Drew had come to Y/N's rescue the day at school and together, they had eaten pizza and waited for Y/N's tears to disappear. It was the world against them from now on, and nothing could change that.

Sam had worked his ass off to make Y/N proud and had done all he could for his A-levels. In spite of all the intensity and long hours of going over Horatio Nelson and the Boer War with Y/N, he gave up and started working in a pub. He was to be a musician, no matter what.

His fingers got crooked because of his guitar, his voice sore but at last, he was given a festival to play at. Drew would be there too of course.

As for Y/N, she had started working in an architect's office while studying at the local Uni.

Things got so fast. The kids grew and were soon overwhelmed with new responsibilities. Y/N had a new life for herself and Sam was about to tour before releasing his debut album. When he found out that a label had signed him up, the three friends along with Dean and Joe had screamed their lungs out.

It had come out of the blue that Joe fancied Y/N and it had also come out of the blue that Sam didn't like this turn of event.

The tour meant that they would not see each other for at least half a year as Sam's studio was in London. They had never been away from one another for so long so the day Sam left North Shields, it felt like the soil was crumbling under her feet.

Y/N informed herself of Sam's whereabouts through Dru as Sam didn't reply to her texts. Dru was regularly implying to his friend that he should call her every now and then, but he was always "too busy". Just like that, silent formed around them.

"Sam, call her", Dru begged one more time.

Sam sighed. He did not dare calling her, he felt as though he had let time rule his emotions. The more distance he put between them, the harder it was to think of something to say. Sure, he was busy but he always had been busy.

"You know what day it is today, don't you?"

Sam stared with round eyes at Dru.

"It's her bloody birthday, Sam. Just call her, okay?"

Dru had taken Sam's phone from his coat that was lying on the floor and forced Sam to take it.

Sam went to the room, right next to where he was and dialled Y/N's number, ending up on the voicemail "Hi! I hope that the voicemail just indicates that you're getting hammered somewhere and I also wish you a happy birthday. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier, I wish I could make it up to you. I miss you and I love you"

It was not until the message got sent that he realised what he had just said. Sam knew that opening up always led him to say too much and he couldn't take the risk to lose Y/N.

"What's wrong?" Dru asked when he saw Sam visibly agitated.

"I screwed up"

"You just had one call to make, how can you screw up a call?"

"I said something I shouldn't have. I told her that I loved her"

"As in I love you?"

"Yeah, I mean it's not something we say to each other"

"And do you? Love her?"

"Yes, Dru. I think I do. I think I always loved her"

"Well then, you haven't screwed up. You've just made things easier"

Days went by without a word from Y/N and Sam to pass time was playing with his phone a couple of times a day, not knowing what or if he should write to her. But then it got worrying, he feard that something had happened to her.

"D'you have news of Y/N?", he confronted Dru one night.

"She didn't say that she loves you back, huh?"

"She hasn't said anything at all, in fact. Is she alright?"

"That's odd. Yeah, she's fine, I just got a text from her, not even ten minutes ago. I can ask her to reach out for you if you want"

Dru is a magician as not only five minutes later, Sam's phone buzzed.

Y/N: Dru said you called on my birthday. My phone was off, you should have left a message... Sam: I did! You didn't listen to it? Y/N: I didn't get anything... Sam: Can I call you now? Y/N: No, not tonight. I'll call you tomorrow morning, good? Sam: Yes :)

Sam was not a morning person but he woke up as early as he could. He waited and finally she called. On FaceTime. She looked radiant, unlike him who severely lacked of sleep.

"Hey!"

Bring the tone down, Fender, Sam thought. You're gonna freak her out.

"Hi, sorry I couldn't call you yesterday. It's good to see you"

Just like that, one moving still of Sam was enough to have her mood lit up.

"So, can't make a voicemail work, huh?" Y/N joked around.

"I promise you, it worked. I don't know what happened but it's good I get to tell you like that"

"Tell me what?"

"Well, first that I'm sorry I've been an idiot lately. It's just that I've missed you so much and I wanted to see you and I couldn't stop thinking of you all the time"

An unfamiliar noise of a plate falling.

"Garlic's going on an adventure?" Sam referred to Y/N's cat that was known to be the clumsiest cat on Earth and that Sam had helped naming six years prior.

The distraction was much needed as Sam was blushing and it started showing on camera.

"Let me just go somewhere quieter"

As Y/N left her living room for her bedroom, Sam saw the silhouette of a man trying to assemble the splinters the plate had left behind.

"Sorry for that. What were you saying?"

"Nothing. I'm just sorry I didn't call you earlier and I hoped that you had a great birthday..."

"You sure there was nothing else"

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure"

The two of them chatted for another 5 minutes when the conversatio became awkward.

Y/N was certain when she hung up that Sam was about to reveal his feelings. And she would have let him. In fact, she would have revealed hers as well.

But Dan had to be in the way. Or was it Ian? Stan? Y/N had always done this. When she was thinking of Sam too much, she was collecting men to share the night with.

She never got attached to anybody but liked to wake up by a man's side.

A few weeks later, Dru called Y/N with good news.

"We've got some rest from the tour. We'll be at Shields for a month or so. I cannot wait to see you again, little sister!"

Y/N had set her mind to meet them at the train station from where she would get in the tour bus with them. Since Sam's aborted declaration, Y/N had not gotten any news from him and was not taking any.

When the van arrived and its doors opened, Dru ran to Y/N and hugged her "Ah, come here, you!"

There was a new face amongst the original team.

"Hi, I'm Lisa" the stranger introduced herself. By gazing that her hand was in Sam's, Y/N took a wild guess that the two of them were a thing.

"Nice to finally meet you. You're the 5th Beatle or so it seems. The boys could not shut up about you"

Y/N grinned at Dru and fainted a smile towards Sam. Unfortunately, she couldn't say as much for Lisa and blamed Dru to have kept it a secret.

Lisa was gorgeous, it was undeniable. Her posh accent had made the journey with her and contrasted with hers and the boys'. As long as Sam is happy, I'm happy, Y/N tried to convince herself as she got in the van.

"So, pub?" Dru asked. It was not even 5 pm but the idea seemed to everyone's taste.

"I'll join you later if that's alright. Joe, can you drop me off? I've got a few things to do before I join"

"You alright?" Dru whispered at her as he was seated next to her in the back of the van.

"Yeah, I'm fine" but as she answered, she stared a little too long at Lisa and her brown curls, her tanned skin and her perfect Julia Roberts smile.

"It's Lisa, huh? I don't like her either. Too posh for Sammy"

"I've never said I didn't like her"

"Then what?" Dru hesitated and then exclaimed "Oh!"

As he had nearly shouted, all of the boys and Lisa turned around to laugh at his looks of bewilderment.

Dru shushed himself down as his friends took the piss at him "Finally got the epiphany that you're ugly, Michael?" Dean mocked him.

As Dru brushed the joke and everything went back to normal, he went on with his whispering "You fancy Sam?"

Y/N simply nodded which got Dru leaning back in his seat, stirred by the confession.

"There, you go, princess" Joe stated as he had parked right in front of Y/N's flat.

They all greeted Y/N goodbye and agreed that they would see each other at 7. Sam did not dare looking at her in the eye. He knew he should have said something about Lisa but he had not come around it, why would he since she had her own life now?

As she opened the door, Y/N started tearing up a little, stunned by all the events. She seized her phone and sent a text.

By 6.15, the intercom rang. Y/N had changed into a wrap dress made of sequins and black heels.

"Hey!", she exclaimed to the man who was waiting by the door. This one was Chris, a chap she had seen some days prior. He reminded her of Alfred Enoch somehow with his chiseled jaw and round cheeks. Y/N didn't feel like being alone tonight and Chris was good company.

"Y/N, here!" Joe informed as he was in charge of getting a new round of drinks "By the table over there. Oh hi" he said to the stranger "I'm Joe"

Chris was by far the best-dressed man there as, clearly not familiar to pubs, he was wearing an open white shirt over brown chinos.

Dru and Tom made some space for Y/N and Chris to sit once Y/N had introduced everyone to her date.

The conversation was very much alive by 8 except for the fact that Lisa and Chris felt left out as it was all about childhood memories and family-related topics.

Sam was all eyes for Y/N. It was as though nothing awkward had ever happened between them and as though they were kids all over again.

In an effort to include Chris in the night's ambiance, Y/N asked him to dance with her. She hoped by that that she could get a reaction from Sam as dancing was THEIR thing.

At her birthday parties, they were always the two ones inventing silly dance moves on cheap Eurodance. As teens, they would always wiggle at gigs while the rest of the audience would look at them tenderly.

"I should get going. I've got a meeting in the morning" Chris let Y/N know as a song by Marvin Gaye ended. It was only 10 pm but Y/N didn't hold him back.

"C'mon, Sam. Invite her to dance, you're dreaming of it" Lisa rushed him. "She's your best friend after all"

What if he didn't want to be her best friend anymore?

Sam got up and joined Y/N. Tonight, he would tell her the truth. Not tomorrow, tonight.

"May I accompany you?"

"Yes, you may. Lisa's not into dancing?"

"I don't know but I'm into dancing with you"

"He's in love with her, isn't he?" Lisa asked Dru who had just ordered more drinks.

"Yeah, I think he is.. I'm sorry"

"Don't be, it's no big deal. Sam and I were just fooling around anyway. She's sweet, just what he needs"

"They just have to admit it now"

"So, Chris.. You two are together for long?" Sam asked.

"No, I mean technically we're not together. We've met twice with tonight"

"He seems nice"

"Yeah, I suppose. You and Lisa?"

"About the same: couple of weeks, nothing too serious"

"What did you mean to tell me last time?"

"Last time?"

"Yeah, you were saying that you missed me and all"

"Well, yeah. Touring without you sucked. I've missed you every fucking day. I want to be with you all the time. It's always been like that me and you"

"I missed you too, Sam"

The song had changed.

"What I'm about to say could ruin what we have but I just have to say it: I've always loved you, Y/N. It took me a whole ass tour to realise that. It's what I told you on the voicemail"

"I love you too, you idiot!"

Dru admired Lisa's ability to remain amicable even when she understood that Sam and Y/N had just confessed their feelings. He had judged her badly and saw what Sam had seen in her: a genuine goodness.

Sam was eager to kiss Y/N but had to make sure that Lisa was alright. He wanted more than anything else in the world Y/N and him to be together but he couldn't do it like that.

He turned around to Lisa only to see her kissing Dru. Sam shook his head and turned back on Y/N who was laughing at this sudden act of PDA.

Sam laughed along and then joined his lips to Y/N's.

[sweeetcreatvre]

God-Sent Angel

“I lied to you, Harry.” You looked up at him waiting for an answer and hoping he doesn’t get too upset with you.

a/n: i’ve been in a mood!! these last few days. i haven’t written in forever, but this idea popped into my head and the words just floated onto the page. i hope you guys like it! i am a very small page still, so if you see this if you could like, repost, and consider following i will love you forever. thank you for reading 🤍

pairing: harry x reader

warnings: explicit talk of mental/emotional abuse, please don’t read if you can’t handle it. this was heavily based off of my experience with my parents. this is not meant to try and romanticize abuse in any way, and please don’t take it like that. abuse is not fun, there’s no good side to it. a little angsty? fluff

word count: ~2.6k

•••

You met Harry when Sarah and Mitch introduced the two of you a little over a year ago. Sarah’s your best friend, you’ve known her since uni, and she’d convinced you to meet Harry by telling you that it would just make it easier for the two of you to hang out if they didn’t have to split their time between you and Harry and you all just hung out together.

You immediately took a liking to Harry. Because of your horrid anxiety and how awkward it made you, you usually hold back until you know people a little better, but something about Harry put you at such ease with him.

You hung out a couple times alone as “friends”, but both realized it was more than that when you declined Sarah and Mitch’s offer to go out because you already had a date with chinese take out and a line up of rom-coms you’d planned to watch for the night.

You and Harry bonded over cheesy movies. With his busy schedule and how difficult it is for him to go in public, you would watch movies at one of your homes and then reenact the scenes with him.

Things with Harry were easy, he made you happy, and he put you at ease.

•••

You went home to Manchester with Harry one day and truly had the best time. You loved how much his family cared for each other, and how they interacted.

That night, as you were laying on his chest in Anne’s guest room bed, you spoke the words that had been in your head all night, “I hope our family is like yours one day.” You didn’t really plan on saying it, the words just kind of came out.

You were worried you’d scared Harry by being so open about kids with him. You were serious obviously, having met his family and everything, but you hadn’t really talked about kids yet.

He still hadn’t talked causing you to look up at him and sit up a little. “I mean, not that we’re having kids or anything anytime soon, I just thought maybe one day, or not, That’s fine too.” You let it all back in one breath wishing you would’ve kept your mouth shut.

He pulled you back to his chest and kissed the top of your forehead before whispering, “(y/n), I want nothing more than to have a family with you one day. I love you, and I plan on keeping you around for as long as you’ll let me.”

You smile into his chest and place a soft kiss there. “I love you too,” your voice is muffled by his chest.

•••

After you met Anne and Gemma, Harry kept begging you to introduce him to your family. For a while you were able to put it off, saying they were in America, which is true, but not the reason you won’t let him meet them.

Your parents were... difficult. They never hit you growing up, not enough to leave any marks at least, but they yelled, and got angry, and got drunk, and got manipulative. Because they never hit you, it took you a long time to accept what they were doing was abuse.

When you turned 18 you applied to colleges abroad and got accepted into a university in England, you haven’t looked back since. Your parents were always the thing holding you back in life, so 3 years later, when your little brother turned 18 and moved out of the house, you cut off all communication with them. You still talk to your siblings, them being the only thing that kept you sane. You talked to them almost daily, and sometimes you’d even go visit them. Your oldest sister came to England a few times, her being the only one you fully trusted to not tell your parents where you lived.

But telling all of that to Harry was not something you were interested in. It was too much baggage, and no one ever understood how you could just cut off the people who raised you. It was always “They’re your parents, they love you, give them a second chance.” and you’re tired of hearing how you’re hurting them when they hurt you for 18 years.

So you made up excuses as to why he couldn’t meet them for as long as possible.

You spent your first Christmas together at Anne’s saying you couldn’t afford to go home, and you refused to take the money Harry offered to buy you a ticket.

That summer you compromised with him and your older sister came to stay with you.

Harry loved your sister. He said you act so similar, and he loves seeing you so happy. Your sister brings out a different side of you, and Harry adored it.

That also meant he just wanted to see more of your family.

•••

Harry had never spent a Christmas away from his family, and you didn’t want to spend Christmas away from him, so you were hoping that was enough for him to accept you not going home.

As you walked into Harry’s home after work he calls out to you “I’m in the kitchen, love!”

You walk into the kitchen and immediately your senses get filled with a pleasant smell. As you walk in, he turns from the stove to give you a kiss, but he holds you in his arms as you pull away from each other.

“Hi, baby,” you half-whisper half-laugh out to him.

“I missed you today,” he began pressing more kisses to your jaw then down your neck, but they were slow and sweet.

Your arms around his neck, you play with the hair at the nape of his neck, loving that it’s growing long again, the curls tangling in your fingers.

“What’s for dinner it smells delicious?” you ask him as he’s still kissing at your neck.

“You smell delicious, I’ll have you,” he mumbles in between kisses, but then his kisses picked up a faster pace and got more toothy.

You laugh at him and then gasp as he’s biting at your skin then soothing it with his tongue. However, you push him away because you’re starved, only having a small lunch because you had a busy day. “Baby, I’d love to but I’m starved, feed me first.”

He laughs at you then turns back to the stove. He lifts the lid on the soup pot so you were able to look inside. “I made your favorite, figured it would be nice for the snowy day it is.”

You smile at him, he never fails to make you so happy by doing simple things for you.

Your whole life you struggled with feeling like your presence was too much. Always calming yourself down so you were never too excited or too sad or asking for too much.

Harry never made you feel like that though. He went above and beyond for you time after time and you loved that about him. He’d never take your praises for it either. “‘s no big deal, just wanted to remind you how much I love you,” he would say, but to you that was a huge deal.

After you eat you clean up the dishes together and you’re ready to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie with him, but Harry has other plans for the evening.

“I have an early Christmas present for you,” he says after coming back from his bedroom where he disappeared for a few minutes.

“Harry..” you started, but he silenced you with his finger pressing to your lips.

“It’s for both of us really, and it can’t wait until Christmas, so you have to open it now,” he places a small wrapped box in front of you, “go on.”

You hesitantly untie the bow holding the top to the bow then take the lid off. Inside there’s two pieces of paper, two plane tickets. You read the information on the tickets and see that they’re round trip from the 22nd to the 26th and they’re to Indianapolis airport. AKA Harry has planned a trip for the two of you to go home together for Christmas so he can meet the rest of your family. Shit.

You stare at the tickets in disbelief, then at him, then back to the tickets. “H..” you start but you trail off, not even knowing what to do about this. He spent hundreds of dollars on you to meet your family, and gave up Christmas with his own too, and there’s no way you’re going.

He seems to pick up on the fact that you’ve been awfully silent. “Ya gonna say anything?” he asks carefully. You can hear in his voice that he’s afraid he’s messed up, but he’s trying to hide it with a smile and joke. He’s being so hesitant with you, scared to make a move or say anything.

You look up at him with shiny eyes, tears threatening to fall over. You were gonna say something now, but before you could Harry started again.

“Oh, God, I messed up didn’t I? I- I shouldn’t have done all this planning without even asking you. I shouldn’t have just invited myself home with you. You know what, it’s fine I don’t care about my ticket, you can go by yourself, I’ll stay here. You never see your family, I mean I should’ve known you would want to be alone with them. You go, I’ll stay here, I don’t care, just please stop looking at me like that or I swear to God I’ll start crying too. You’re the only thing I’ve ever been this scared to lose, I don’t care what you need. Take it, take it all.” The whole thing is rushed out and you can tell he’s freaking out.

You grab his hand, still in your place on the couch and he’s standing in front of you. You intertwine your fingers, “Can you sit down?” you whisper softy to him. He looks at you for a moment before moving to sit next to you, but you’re both turned sideways so you’re still facing each other.

“You can tell me if you don’t want me to come I won’t be upset.” He sounds so heartbroken by the idea that he’s scaring you off and it’s killing you.

“No, H, no, baby. I don’t want you going, but I’m also not going to go. It’s not the gift I love it, and I love that you always try to buy me the most personalized gift, but I just- I can’t go home.”

“I don’t understand. Your family is there, you- you should go be with them for Christmas.”

Staring at your hands in your lap you think of how you’re going to tell him this. “I lied to you, Harry.” You looked up at him waiting for an answer and hoping he doesn’t get too upset with you.

“What?” He’s not mad, just more confused.

“You haven’t met my family because I don’t talk to them anymore. My parents, I mean. I obviously talk to my siblings, you know i talk to them, but not my parents. I haven’t spoken to them in 4 years, and I intend to keep it that way.” A few tears have slipped down your face and your voice keeps breaking.

“Can I ask why?” His hand comes to rest on your cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

“They were abusive,” you barely whisper the words and Harry has you in his arms immediately his chin rests on the top of your head, and with shaky breath you cry into his chest, holding tightly around his waist feeling so vulnerable and exposed right now. You’re sitting sideways in his lap, one of his hands is on your back, the other on your waist and his thumb is rubbing back and forth on the small bit of exposed skin above your pants where your shirt has ridden up.

When your breathing has gotten a little more normal, you look up at him and he places a kiss on your forehead. “They weren’t physical, but the screamed.. a lot” your voice sounded weak, but it wasn’t as shaky.

“You don’t have to tell me. If you don’t want to, I mean. I believe you.” You shake your head.

“I want to tell you.” You felt so bad for lying to him for so long. “It wasn’t ever bad until I was like 11 or 12. My sister says she believes it’s just because she took a lot of the heat.” You have 2 older sisters, Charlotte and Sarah, they’re 9 and 11 years older than you. Your oldest sister was the target of a lot of their stunts. “She moved out when I was 8, Sarah when I was 9, and we had a couple good years. Then we moved in with my grandma, and shit hit the fan.”

“I struggled with the workload of my classes, and they didn’t like that, said it made them look bad. My dad would get mad and yell, he even told me he hated me once. My mom checked on them obsessively, and I’d get angry messages about how bad I’m doing during the school day.”

“When my grandma got super sick, everything got ten times worse. She was my rock and I saw her declining everyday from January-August. My dad continued to be up my ass about grades, while also drinking ridiculous amounts. My mom fell into what I think was a depressive episode, and would come home late and say things like ‘I didn’t come home because no body values me here anyways’ but not in a way that was sad, she’d be angry about it and yell about it to us.”

“After she died I had to learn to live without her, and I had no clue just how much she was keeping us together. The next 3 years was constant screaming and manipulation. My grades slipped a little, and they hated that I wasn’t their perfect little prodigy who just pranced around knowing everything anymore. They made me feel so worthless, and like my entire existence was a burden. I was too loud, and too talkative, and too lazy, but not smart enough, and I didn’t work hard enough, and I had no pride in the things I did.” You paused for a minute.

“You’re the only person that’s ever made me feel like I’m not too much or too little.” You whisper out the confession to him knowing that it is how you truly feel about him. “I moved here when I was 18, and cut off all ties with them when Carson turned 18. 3 years later. I’m the only one of us to actually do it, but I’m just so much happier without them in my life.”

“I’m convinced you’re an angel,” His voice cracks and you look up to him to notice he’s shed tear or two and more are threatening to slip out, “sent for me, straight from the gods, because I don’t think any human is as amazing as you. I don’t have any idea what I did to deserve and angel like you, but I’m never letting you go. I love you, and I love that you’ll cry in my arms and how open you are with me. You really are a god-sent fucking angel.” He’s cupping your face in his large hand now. “We won’t go to the States for Christmas. We’ll go to Manchester, and we’ll spend it with my mom and sister.”

“I’m sorry we’re not going, I know how bad you wanted to meet them.”

“No, baby, it’s ok. We’ll spend all the Christmases here, and one day we’ll host Christmas. With our family that will be just like mine, like you said you wanted the first time you met Mom and Gem. You’re gonna be so happy, that’s my life mission, to make my heavenly angel happy.”

“I am happy, H. Right here, with you.”

[plagg-supremacy]

Coming in here just to rant because it's the only place I feel comfortable to do it... But anyways, fair warning this rant is about food, eating disorders, restrictive diets, etc

Recently I've been trying to change my eating habits, I'm overweight (just a couple kilos away from obesity) and I don't feel comfortable with my body anymore so I've decided to "diet" but not really I'm just trying to eat healthy and not overeat, as well as walking more and I'm actually losing weight my clothes are already not fitting me anymore and I've had to sew a couple of inches in the waist of my pants just so they can stay on! lmao my right knee doesn't hurt anymore, and my bowel movements are so much better... I'm just feeling healthy and better I guess

But all of that gets a bit shadowed with bad memories I have from my childhood, I've always been fat since I was a child. My family doesn't have healthy habits, I think maybe once they had them because all my siblings were skinny as children and so were my parents however by the time I was born my siblings were teenagers and literally all my family was overweight. At some point during my childhood my mom was diagnosed with diabetes, so she and my oldest sister freaked out about my weight (for good reasons, like I understand ofc) so they took to our family doctor who told them to take me with a nutritionist.

At the time I didn't know any better so I followed everything the nutritionist told me but today I feel a little resentment towards her and my family. At 8 years old I was put in such restrictive diets that NOW i know I shouldn't have been put in. I also resent my family because they never tried to change *their* habits, it was always their lunch/dinner and M's lunch/dinner, I even had a different schedule than them. They should have tried, now I know we all should have been eating the same thing but instead I felt so left out.

And my diets were absurd, I wasn't allowed to eat bread or tortillas (I'm Mexican) I literally spend years eating just boiled chicken for lunch, I couldn't eat not a piece of candy ever. I was told to not eat cake when I was invited to birthday parties. I couldn't even have a whole piece of fruit. I remember I started eating "forbidden" foods around 10yo without my mom knowing, I would go to my auntie's house and beg her for a bag of chips. And yes I actually loss weight, and reached my "goal" considering I was growing it wasn't that hard. However at 12 i decided it was enough and i refused to keep going with the nutritionist, and keep following those stupid diets but now I was a teenager with a bad relationship with food who had had half a childhood with restrictions around everything food related so of course I ended up binge eating.

By the time I was 16 I was almost 90kg (I'm 1.65m so yeah) so I decided going into dieting again, this time it was me who decided it. And once again the freaking restrictive diets, except this time it was even less food considering I was older but my portions were being very similar to those from my childhood. I would be hungry all the time, but I wasn't even allowed to eat snacks (you know like fruit, or yoghurt or smt) I think I loss like 20kg which left me around 70kg, I was good by the time I left for uni.

But then I stared uni, which was stressful and I was away from home and everything was new and I didn't know how to cook, heck I didn't even have where to cook. And I'm also discovering that oh I'm autistic and my complete life is a mess and I couldn't care less about what I'm eating or my weight or if I'm healthy. I just want some pizza or tacos after being awake for 48hrs. I put on a lot of weight in those 5 years, like 40kg.

And now I'm back in my hometown, living with my parents and my sister. And both my parents are having health issues due to not having good eating habits, and I want to change but at the same time I know my whole life my relstionship with food has been fucked up and I've spent days reflecting on all those fucking diets from my childhood and how i don't wanna go back to a nutritionist that will tell me it's my fault being this fat and then will go ahead to basically make me starve myself with some fucking 1200kcal diet.

Except now I understand biology and metabolic pathways, and nutrients groups, and I decide that I'll start eating healthy or something but I WON'T go to a nutritionist.

So I start researching and looking around the internet, and like I understand the only way to lose weight is having a deficit regimen of course but if I was eating like literally 2500Cal I can start with like 2000 or 1900Cal and it will still be a deficit specially if I start being more active. There's not point in going directly to fucking 1200Cal. But at the same time I don't wanna spend my day counting my calories so really just go by eating low calorie foods that have big volume and are filling (I love me some salad lmao). And like I've found a good rythme that works for me but there's still some shit that bothers me.

Like if you go anywhere near dieting, losing weight or getting fit spaces you'll find countless amount of people literally SCARED of the "calories" in seasonings and that always makes get a flashback to that fucking boiled flavorless chicken from my childhood. Or if you try to search how to stop drinking soda, it always say to just stop buying it and to never have it in your house so you're not "tempted" and to just "not drink it". And it's always about having cheat days and if it's not a cheat day you can't eat anything that's even a bit "unhealthy". It's your mom's birthday? Sorry but it's not your cheat day so you can't it a piece of cheesecake 🤷🏻‍♀️ and it's like reliving all of my traumas.

And the most ironic part it's that I tried that, I tried not buying any soda or chips but it just made me anxious, I was sweating all the fucking time thinking "I want some" and I would literally almost have meltdowns over it. But then on my next grocery shopping trip I said fuck it and I got some cans of my favorite beverages, some chips and a couple of candy bars. I put them on my fridge and on my pantry and the feeling was so nice seeing them there, thinking to myself "no one is forbidding me to eat tem, I can eat them in moderation every once in a while" and then I proceeded to go like 6 weeks without eating junk food even if they were right there in my house, in my pantry. Literally just two days ago I realized it, and I decided to drink some soda and I had some chips as a snack and that was it I didn't spend all those weeks getting angsty thinking how I couldn't eat them.

This post is a mess now I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore but I just hate thinking about how right now somewhere there's probably a child getting their relationship with food so fucked up because some people have really no idea about nutrition even if they call themselves nutritionists, and I just hope everyone at some point finds a way to be happy and healthy. Also don't trust in "healthy influencers" they're the worst. Just take your time to learn how your body works and what it needs.

[fairyoftbz]

[12:48]

🎄Day 16 of the Christmas project🎄

Ah, the month of December, what a wonderful time! Everyone was excited and happy to celebrate this wonderful holiday that was Christmas. You were back home with your parents and siblings, taking advantage of the long evenings to make up for the lost time and tell stories in your respective worlds. You had travelled partly with Sunwoo, your boyfriend, who was also returning to his parents. You met at the airport exit to take a taxi to the train station since you were at different universities, getting to spend together the last bit of the journey before arriving in your small hometown.

The boy next to you looked extremely tired, drawn features and dark circles painting his face. Resting his head on your shoulder after settling into a compartment, it took a few minutes for Sunwoo to fall asleep, your hand gently stroking his cheek. You knew it was going to make him unwind and fall asleep, something you had innocently tested when you first started dating. Many of your friends had found him cold and distant when you introduced him to those around you, but it was just an outward appearance. When he was with you, it was like he turned into a baby, wasting a few years to become a child again. He was very cuddly, constantly wanting to have his skin in contact with yours no matter what you were doing. He could be very tactile, just like you, which fulfilled both of your needs.

Sunwoo didn't flinch when the ticket inspector came to check the validity of your tickets, signalling them that you were travelling together. He moved up in his sleep closer to you, placing a soft kiss in the crook of your neck before groaning. You let out a small laugh before kissing the crown of his head, watching the landscape pass by before your eyes. Breathing deeply, you let yourself rock by the regular movements of the train, making joining your boyfriend be in the arms of Morpheus.

The young man sitting next to you slowly emerged when he heard the train driver's voice over the intercom, extending his arms and neck with a groan. His position was good because he could feel you close to him, but how uncomfortable he felt! Rubbing his eyes, he recognised the landscape of the village before yours and decided to wake up from your sleep. He smirked when he saw your head buried in the hood of your sweater, nose hiding in the corner. Sunwoo grabbed a strand of hair that was falling over your face and pushed it to the side before stepping forward to kiss you gently. You sighed in your sleep, and your hand moved, searching for your boyfriend's. He grabbed it and kissed it, stroking your cheek with his other hand.

"Honey, we're arriving home soon," his hoarse voice pulled you out of your sleep with an involuntary start, causing Sunwoo to back off reflexively. He smiled, and you did the same, curling up against him as he circled your waist with his arms. Kissing your head, he rested his cheek against the top of your head and watched the familiar landscape unfold before him. What a joy to be home again.

Once you get off the train at your stop, you stretched at the same time, the gesture making you laugh. Sunwoo grabbed the handle of his suitcase as well as yours, pulling them toward the station car park. A frail voice, as well as laughter reached your ears, a smile decorating your lips as your respective families came to pick you up. Sunwoo's little sister rushed into her older brother's arms, dropping the suitcases that you managed to catch before they drifted on the ice. Your boyfriend gave her a big hug and knelt to her height, kissing her forehead. You smiled as you walked towards your family, your mother wrapping her arms around your figure. You let out a long sigh of relief, feeling the clean air of your country village pleasantly burn your lungs, unlike the polluted air of the city.  Once you got home, you collapsed on the sofa and fell asleep like a stump without further ado.

You woke up a few hours later when the sun was saying goodbye to this part of the globe. Your neck ached, but that didn't prevent you from staying in the same position, scrolling through social media. Your phone made a little noise, telling you that you had a new message.

From Sunwoo: Can I come to your place? I have a little surprise for you.

The message surprised you, expecting nothing special from him other than on Christmas Eve.

To Sunwoo: My parents should be back soon, but you can come, the door is unlocked.

A few minutes elapsed after Sunwoo read the message, a thin smile on his lips as he saw you lying on the couch as he stepped through the door.

"How's my cute marmot doing?" He asked, and you smiled, reaching out to him for a hug. "Did you already miss me when we haven't even been back for a day?" "I will never get tired of you, every minute spent with you is good to take," he retorted, and you chuckled at his cheesiness, holding his cheek to kiss him. "So what are you doing here?" Do you want to squat my house?" "Don't tempt me, because I think my parents and yours would agree," you laughed and nodded, looking him straight in the eye to get him to continue, "no, I came because I have something for you." "But it's not Christmas yet," you retorted, Sunwoo shaking his head.

"It's not a present, it's just something I thought that could make you happy," he walked back to the front door and bent down to the low wall, bringing you a cardboard box, seeing a small tuft of leaf poke out. "What is that?" you asked, straightening up from the couch to get a better look at the surprise, and let out a little cry of surprise, your eyes widening like saucers. "Since you told me that you took your Christmas tree to your studio for uni, I thought that you might want a little symbol for the holiday season," Sunwoo explained, letting you take out his little gift. In front of you was a bonsai tree, planted in a ceramic cup.

Your eyes were twinkling, much to your boyfriend's delight. He knew he did great by giving you that little replacement of your Christmas tree, which you used to put in the corner of your bedroom. He knew it wasn't going to replace the tree that was now abandoned at your studio in town, but he could do the ticks until the holidays were over.

"I love you Sunwoo, thank you very much for this gift," he sat down next to you and handed you a plastic bag, filled with a box of fairy lights and another with different coloured Christmas baubles. "Do you want to decorate it together?" You suggested, but he shook his head, kissing your cheek before getting up. "I have to go home, my mom wants me to help her with the Christmas decorations," he said, and your shoulders slumped, face turning into a pout. Your pleading eyes made him tilt his head, contemplating his choices. "Okay, I'm helping you, but ten minutes, no more," he agreed, and you clapped your hands, pushing back the blanket your mother had placed on your legs while you took your nap. “Deal!" You held out your pinkie to link it with his, your fingers lightly tightening before he sat down next to you again.

Considering the size of the tree, the decoration was done in less time than it takes to tell. Bonsai was a type of tree you cherished, your heart warming when you realise Sunwoo remembered your preference.

"Thanks for staying," you thanked your boyfriend with a hug, and he kissed your forehead, getting up from the couch before heading for the door. "You're welcome, my love," he offered a smile before opening the door. "See you on the 25th then?" You asked with hope filling your voice. "I'll call you in the meantime, don't worry. You won’t get rid of me this easily," he gave you a wink before blowing you a kiss, closing the door behind him.

Your attention returned to your little bonsai, and you smiled, taking this small tree as a symbol of your shared love. Even after the holiday season, it was going to stay in your room, so you could have a presence with you that reminded you of Sunwoo, even when he wasn't around.

[antebunny]

April 27: games

A sequel to archer and bridge, an identity porn extra of a modern cultivators Olympic sports AU.

Note: this is from the perspective of an NB OC named Elaine Chao who uses they/them pronouns. I did this because 1) the number of NB people I know has exponentially increased in the past year, and they all use they/them pronouns so I wanted to make myself familiar with using they/them pronouns to refer to a single person. I chose the name Elaine Chao because that’s the name of Mitch McConnell’s wife and I think I’m funny.

Elaine Chao is taking a class on cultivation, which is a new class offered at their university and also not very popular because cultivation is supposed to be a dead practice now just used as a sport. So it was expected to have like five students, max. The professor is an expert when it comes to the culture and history of xianxia, and now decided to also offer her skills and knowledge on cultivation, which she is also an expert on, despite having previously just taught the history/culture of that era. Then suddenly at the last minute, the class gets six new students. Initially, this isn’t the weird part. With an eleven person class, the students interact somewhat, but for a while all Elaine could tell you was their names.

Soon enough, their professor goes on a tirade about the international cultivation competition. She hates it because 1) it makes a mockery of the original purpose of cultivating, i.e. night hunts and defeating monsters oh and also war, and yet it still 2) puts the lives of the competitors in danger. Not in the way that sports usually do, in that there’s a risk for injury which can sometimes be permanent, but the competitors are all world-class athletes and generally don’t come to harm. But in an active, monsters-are-trying-to-kill-you sort of risk that has led to severe/permanent injuries recently, but no (recent) deaths. And the professor hates that the lives of these teenagers and young adults are so blatantly being put in danger for entertainment. She also hates how gamemasters pass their roles to their kids, who are usually competitors themselves, and so on. So the professor rants about the international tournament and these competitive cultivators and how much she dislikes it.

Then she mentions the last international competition, which everyone has heard of just because of how wrong it went.

The recent competitions have been rife with controversy anyway; there was that whole thing with gamemaster Wen Ruohan where he was favoring his sons and almost got the other competitors killed, and usually the other gamemasters would vote him out but Jiang Fengmian (and his wife) passed away from disease recently, and Jiang Cheng was his nominal replacement since it was assumed that Jiang Cheng would be too old for competition by the time Jiang Fengmian retired, and Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian were skipping that year’s competition anyway because of jfm and yzy’s deaths, but then Jiang Cheng was dragged back to vote Wen Ruohan out. That all worked out in the end, because the Wens were just removed from the competition.

But last year’s competition was the final nail in the coffin. Basically, one of the gamemasters (Jin Guangshan) rigged the game for his own purposes. Since Jiang Cheng was still competing, Jin Guangyao was chosen as the new gamemaster. When only five contestants were left–the same five as the previous years–the monsters suddenly stopped dying and their time-out flares suddenly stopped working. This maybe would’ve worked except that Jin Zixuan was surreptitiously warned at the last moment that the game was rigged in his favor, and immediately told the others once he found them. Then they realized that they were stuck in the arena with monsters that wouldn’t die and no way to get out. They had a collective come-to-grace moment in which they realized “hey maybe putting our lives on the line like this isn’t healthy or normal just because it was what our parents did”. (Meanwhile, the other two grandmasters are panicking because their little brothers are out there jgs I’m going to wring your neck–) Then Wei Wuxian goes “actually I think I can control the monsters using ~demonic cultivation~” and the others go “it may be against the rules but we’ll back you up”. So that was last year’s competition. It was even more controversial because Wen Ning died as a consequence. His sister, Wen Qing, the best cultivating doctor in the world, who has treated all of the competitors in the past, literally hit the ceiling. She treated the five returning contestants and then promptly quit. That would be a problem because there’s no other doctors willing to treat all the cultivating contestants after a competition. But the bigger problem comes when Wei Wuxian, who should have gotten first place, gets banned from competitive cultivation for breaking the rules. They try to award first place to Lan Zhan, who promptly refuses and also vows to stop competitive cultivation because they banned Wei Wuxian. Then they try to award it to Jin Zixuan who refuses because he doesn’t ~deserve~ it and he’s wrecked with guilt that all the others went through this just because his dad wanted to make him win (and also wanted to kill the others). They go to Jiang Cheng who takes one look and goes “you’re kidding, right” and everyone knows that Jiang Cheng is suffering from an inferiority complex due to Wei Wuxian constantly upstaging him but Jiang Cheng is like “if you think I’m going to take a first place prize when I should’ve been fourth and you’re robbing not only the first three but also my brother by banning him from the game that almost killed all of us just because you think I have some stupid complex then you have another thing coming and also fuck you.”

So next year’s competition is canceled. Suddenly, these professional athletes have nothing to do. The five of them sit down and say “maybe we should learn more about our supposed profession” since the only reason they survived was because of Wei Wuxian’s demonic cultivation. Jiang Yanli brings up the university class, and the next thing they know, all six are enrolled in the class.

When Elaine overhears Wei Wuxian needle Jin Zixuan about something to which he responds “that was years ago!”, they can’t help but ask, “do you know each other?” And Wei Wuxian glances nervously at the professor and says “we’re…uh…family friends!” (That brick wall Lan Wangji is glaring at Wei Wuxian because he doesn’t like lying, but Elaine can’t tell because Lan Wangji is a brick wall. In more ways than one). Basically, while they didn’t have any intention of hiding, Wei Wuxian panics when he remembers how much the professor hates competitive cultivators, and everyone else gets sucked into his lies because of him.

And then it all comes spilling out: Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli are siblings, Nie Huaisang is high school friends with Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Wangji (and that much was already obvious from the very public pda), and Jin Zixuan is Jiang Yanli’s fiancé, and his family is friends with Jiang Yanli’s family, which is how he knows the siblings from earlier. It also comes out that all six of them aren’t regular students at the university, they’re just taking this class in particular. Their answers aren’t particularly enlightening, and Elaine doesn’t understand why they’re being so dodgy on the question. Well, if “dodgy” means Jiang Cheng snapping “none of your business” and Lan Wangji staring at you until you walk away nervously.

This is how Elaine gains perspective on their classmates. Jin Zixuan is an arrogant rich prick who can’t last a conversation without mentioning how much better he is than you. Jiang Cheng would be cool (and maybe even cute, Elaine notes) if he wasn’t perpetually angry, even with the people he supposedly got along with. He’s polite enough with strangers but any personal comments and he acts personally offended. Wei Wuxian is nice enough, but he’s also an annoying troublemaker who’s always late for class, and has the social skills of an agoraphobic lobster. He constantly inserts himself in conversations and gets on the professor’s nerves. Well, the professor appreciates the questions and knows that Wei Wuxian is actually interested and also really really smart, but. Nerves. Lan Zhan is handsome, and a model student, but that’s about all Elaine can say about him. He has the emotional capacity of an old shoe, and rarely offers more than one word answers, as if talking is beneath him. The only exception is Wei Wuxian, and that’s a whole other can of worms, because Elaine cannot for the life of them figure out how those two are dating each other. It’s clear they’re the most in-love couple to ever being in love, but that doesn’t answer the question why. And how. And what. Nie Huaisang is nice enough. He actually has some social tact and can hold a conversation, but he also has zero spine and isn’t interested in anything but art and procrastination. Elaine doesn’t understand why he’s even taking this class. He’s not in uni anyway, why is he here.

The only acceptable person is Jiang Yanli, and that’s because she’s a human person with actual feelings. She’s always nice, but knows that her siblings are not, and she has interests besides ??? and none. She actually goes to university and is majoring in political science, which is how Elaine learns that she is a debate champion, and already managing a business left to her by her recently deceased parents. Elaine brings up their parents once and then Jiang Cheng the aggressive angry grape starts yelling and Wei Wuxian turns downright vicious all cold and dark and Elaine never brings it up again. So Jiang Yanli is the only one that Elaine actually likes/considers a friend. The only thing is that Elaine cannot understand why she associates with the people that she does. Siblings are understandable, but why is she engaged to that rich brat Jin Zixuan? The terrifying thing is that Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian agree with Elaine and think Jiang Yanli could do better, and Elaine knows this because they’re so vocal about it. Like are they trying to ruin their sister’s engagement? Actually maybe they are.

So that’s Elaine’s university class experience.

[orangerosebush]

What’s in a name?

[ao3 link]

Juliet Butler was used to sharing. The weight of her last name. Her brother. Her space within the manor. It seemed that just by being born at this time, within this family, she was expected to follow a certain path in life that was so far tangled up in the Fowls as to not really be hers at all.

It didn’t surprise her brother when she sat him down at age 18 and told him she was going to try a crack at something new in America with the wrestling circuit, but it did surprise him when she came back a mere three years later. It was shortly after when Artemis checked into the psychiatrist in Haven — she had come to the clinic with Butler and Artemis, and she took the shuttle back to the manor with Butler.

Butler didn’t want to say anything too pointed. They’d have to talk about if she was here to stay for good eventually, but she had just gotten back; he knew that she was proud enough that she’d pack her bags again if she felt he was suggesting her experiment in the U.S. with carving her own path had failed.

So they didn’t talk about it. They both went on, carefully watching each other as they circled around the elephant in the room.

It had been a week since she arrived at the manor, and it looked like they could avoid the subject altogether if they tried hard enough. Their patterns during the day were certainly different enough that they could rely on their interactions being brief enough to make having a conversation about what Juliet was going to do easy to sidestep.

He was far busy enough trying to explain to Mrs. Fowl why her son was staying with a psychologist a few thousand kilometers under the earth’s surface. Neither the mental health conversation nor the magic conversation was going particularly well, he winced. Of course, Mr. Fowl was significantly out of the loop, but he’d never really been in any loop regarding his son. At least with Myles and Beckett, he could trust that Juliet was enough of a distraction from Artemis’ second leave of the family. Both the boys had noticed, of course, that their brother was gone again, but they were too dazzled by the newness of Juliet to ask either their mother or him about where Artemis was.

Butler leaned back in his chair, looking out of his room’s window at the sunlight. The clouds had cleared for the first time in a while, and the Fowl estate sprawled out across the surrounding acres of land. The wing that his room was in faced the old forest on the grounds, and he could just about make out the distant scene of Juliet and the boys by the pond at the edge of the trees. Juliet appeared to be allowing Becket to sit on her shoulders while Myles sat on the grass and looked at the water.

He smiled to himself, feeling the lines under his eyes crease upwards. From a distance, she could have been their older sister. Pulling his eyes away from the glass, he glanced back at the inside of the room. He sighed. Rolling his shoulders, he reached for the book he’d set down on his coffee table last night.

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢ The manor was quiet. Juliet paused at the bottom of the staircase, hand ghosting over the handrail. If she looked close enough, she could make out the scuffs that Artemis and her brother weren’t quite able to get out of the wall after the troll wrecked the hallway during the hostage situation. She exhaled slightly, a grin quirking the sides of her mouth upwards as she imagined Artemis getting snippy over her usage of ‘hostage situation’. “Please, Juliet,” she remembered him sighing a while back. “It’s rude to leave out the nuance of it all like that”.

She tightened her grip on the banister. Slowly, Juliet made her way up towards her room.

⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢⌢

There was a knock on the door. Butler set his book on his lap.

“Come in,” he called out, fully prepared to see Angeline.

The door opened cautiously, and there was Juliet, her hand lingering on the doorknob.

“Hey,” she scuffed her feet against the carpet. Butler blinked.

“Er, hi.”

They both stood there, self-consciously waiting for the other to say something.

“I took the twins outside.”

“I saw. They seemed to have a good time.”

Juliet shrugged, finally walking all the way in to the room. Letting the door close slowly behind her, she sat down gently on the edge of his bed. “Yeah, I guess. They like the pond. I remember liking getting into whatever was muddiest on the property when I was their age.”

He grinned. Butler remembered taking Juliet outside to run before dark when she was young — she’d always had a wild child energy to her.

“Beckett reminds me of you,” he smiled. “He’s very determined to find trouble somewhere on the grounds I’ve worked so hard at child-proofing.”

Juliet rolled her eyes. “They’re both troublemakers.”

“True,” Butler laughed, leaning back in his chair. Juliet grinned. She stretched slightly, flopping back onto the bed.

“It’s weird being back,” she sighed. “Like, I’m back in my old room, and what’s still up on the wall? The Spice Girls poster I had when I was, what, eight? It’s like a time capsule I don’t even want.”

“I’m sure most twenty-somethings coming back from university feel the same way about seeing the stuff they plastered up all over their room when they were younger,” he chuckled softly.

At that, she sat back up to look at him, putting her weight on her right arm. “I’m not most twenty-somethings, though. I didn’t even go to uni—“

Butler scrunched his face up in confusion. “Do you even want to go to uni?”

Juliet groaned, gripping the duvet in annoyance. “I don’t know if I want to go to uni, that’s the thing! I thought I wanted to go to America, be a wrestler, but then something happened with Artemis. And, a-and I was sitting in the hospital cafeteria with Mulch, and you know what I realized? I’d tried professional wrestling, and now I was bored! I love wrestling! I love my teammates! I love traveling and seeing new people, and getting to be Juliet instead of Juliet Butler. But I still woke up each day loving the gig a little less than I did the night before, and I can’t live like that. You know that, Dom.”

Juliet’s eyes were shining, and she loosened her grip on the bed sheets. Butler set his book down gently on the floor. Standing slowly, his knees cursing him, he moved to sit next to her.

“I missed you,” he said simply. “I’m sorry about America.”

She reached over, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I missed you, too.”

“I want you to know that you can stay as long as you need. I can also help you find an apartment nearby if what you need to is to be here without being here, if that makes sense.”

Juliet let out a small grin, retracting her hand from his shoulder to rub the wetness from her eyes. “I like my old room, but thanks.”

She grabbed a pillow, holding it on her lap and looking up at the ceiling pensively. “I don’t want to just be a Butler for Myles and Beckett, though. That’s never going to be me, I know that.”

“I know. I think the Fowls know that, too.”

Juliet nodded earnestly. “Cool. That’s good.”

“Thank you for talking to me about this, by the way,” Butler sighed, looking at her.

“I don’t care what happens — at the end of the day, I’m still your older brother. I want you to let me in when you’re hurting—“ Juliet scoffed, but he continued. “I know you’re not a child anymore, I know that! But I hate the idea of you feeling as though you have to go it alone because you need to prove something to the world,” he finished, eyes pleading.

The two of them sat in silence, the sound of birds outside filtering into the room the only noise in the room. Finally, Juliet sighed, leveling her gaze on him.

“Okay.”

He started. “O-okay?”

She snorted, throwing her pillow at him. “Yeah, okay, nerd. I’ll keep you in the loop.”

Butler caught the pillow, laughing incredulously. “Okay!”

Suddenly, Juliet’s eyes widened. “I still have to tell my manager that I’m dropping out, shit”

Butler stared at her. “You didn’t tell him?”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I think he knows, considering it’s been, what, a couple of weeks by now? But after you showed up,” she jabbed him with a finger pointedly. “I was so caught up in whatever end-of-the-world business Artemis had gotten us caught up in that I never gave my ‘official’ two-weeks notice, or whatever.”

Butler sat there in silence for a moment, thinking. “I… don’t think you should call him, actually.”

“Me neither.”

“I think he’s going to be pissed.”

“Wow, really? Because I think he’ll be psyched one of the best acts in the group just dropped out without letting him know. Dom, obviously I’m gonna get yelled at by him if I so much as look at my phone.”

A side of Butler’s mouth quirked upwards. “One of the best acts?”

Juliet sniffed. “I was being humble. I’m a Butler, it’s clear I’m the best.”

At that, he laughed, and she shoved him. “Shut up! I am going to let him know eventually. I’m telling Sam that I’m not rejoining the troupe tonight—”

“Sam?” Butler frowned, and Juliet stuck her tongue out at him.

“Don’t be annoying. She’s my teammate. You saw her and I sparring before you dragged me off to Haven. We’re scheduled for matches together, so she, out of everybody, deserves to know first about my decision,” she chided.

“I wasn’t prying!” Butler said defensively.

“Fiiiine, you weren’t prying,” Juliet teased. Butler rolled his eyes.

“So, she’s your teammate. That’s nice! I’m glad you have friends in the troupe.” Butler tossed the pillow back to its original place on his bed.

“Yeah, it is nice. She’s cool, you’d like her. It’s… stupid, but I already kind of miss her,” Juliet’s tone softened. Butler’s eyes widened slightly. Oh.

“You could ask her to visit sometime, if you’d like,” he offered, trying to be nonchalant.

Juliet hummed. “Maybe. I’ll see how things go tonight with her.”

With that, she stood up from the bed. “I’m going to get ready for dinner. I think we’ve had enough awkward sibling heart-to-heart conversations for today,” she grinned, and Butler knew that eventually, things would be okay. Maybe they wouldn’t go back to normal, but that was okay. He had his sister back.

Pausing at the door, Juliet turned to face him. “It’s nice to be back home with you, Dom.”

He smiled. “Love you, too, Jules”

Juliet grinned, closing the door after her, and Butler was left alone. The sun was starting to get low in the sky, and the light cast shadows across his room.

He picked up his book again, running his fingers down the spine to stop at the name of the author. Violet Tsirblou. The book was, in all honesty, quite bad. The dialogue was awkward, the plot stilted, and the characters alien-feeling. Butler felt the smile lines on his face deepen. Artemis must have written it when he was about ten.

Butler put his hand on the window sill, his gaze falling on the pond. Myles and Beckett. Artemis and Juliet.

It would all be okay, in the end. It had to be. Butler let his hand fall from the sill. Sitting back down tiredly, he opened the book to where he had left it.

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 28

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: At Waystation, pt 1/?

A/N: Alright, an update and this time /almost/ on time! So, here's the thing: we are starting the so called 'Waystation arc', which will be many, many chapters because I have way too many ideas despite the fact that Leo and Cal won't even be there that long. So, please bear with me, I know this chapter is kind of a fillery one but I can't really skip the introductions 😅 More interesting stuff will definitely happen soon enough!

I hope that you guys enjoy (seriously it really always warms my heart to see your wonderful comments ♥) and maybe leave some nice words if you feel like it!!

Words: 2700+

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

...

”So, here we are…” Leo told Calypso when he stopped his car, the faithful Argo II, in the yard of Waystation. Both of their exams were finished and Calypso had taken a few days off work so she could join Leo at his family home for the holidays. “What do you think?” he asked, possibly a bit nervous about his flatmate’s opinion. Calypso could understand that; she knew that it was a very important place to him.

She took in her surroundings: a big, old house where the family lived and several other buildings such as a garage and a shelter for the animals next to it. Even though she and Leo were still in the car, she could already hear the sharp barking of Festus the German shepherd somewhere further in the yard. The place wasn’t all that showy especially compared to what she had seen in her childhood, but there were a lot of mysterious corners and fascinating looking objects around that screamed to be observed more closely. Unlike the place where she had been living several years of her life, to her this place… seemed home-y.

“It… looks cozy,” she finally answered Leo's question when she realized he kept looking at her expectantly. “I think I can see why you like it here.”

“Yeah!” Leo seemed happy to hear Calypso liked it. “I like to call it a well organized chaos - just the way it should be in Leo’s world. But c’mon, my fam must be waiting already.”

“Let’s go, then.”

Leo barely had time to open the door of the car and stand up when Festus ran and jumped at him, trying to drown him in wet dog kisses.

“Woah, buddy! I’m glad to see you too!” Leo exclaimed and attempted to pet him even though it was hard because Festus was all over the place. “It’s my holiday break so I’ll be here with you for a long while! Isn’t that great?”

Festus gave him a small bark and wagged his tail even faster as a response. Calypso followed the exchange between the boy and his dog with amusement.

“Not sure if I should be jealous of your… you call it bromance, right?” she teased, while smiling widely. Already she had noticed that Leo seemed more relaxed in this place, and for some reason that made her feel warm and fuzzy even though she tried to battle such feelings.

“Aww, why would you be jealous? I have space in my heart for both of you,” he winked and Calypso had to look away so that he wouldn’t see her blush - again.

“No reason,” she mumbled and got out of the car as well, causing Festus to leave Leo alone and come to greet her instead. “Hi, you!” she managed to say while getting showered with love by the dog. “I guess this means you still remember me!”

“Of course he does,” Leo grinned at her. “I think you made quite an impression on him earlier. Hey, boy!” he whistled at the dog who returned to him. “I’m still your number one man, right?”

“Now who’s jealous?” Calypso chuckled at him. “He was just getting started with me.”

“That’s what you think,” Leo claimed. He had already taken his luggage from the car and now he was waiting for Calypso to do the same so he could lock the doors. She just stuck her tongue out at him instead of replying to his comment.

“Wait, are you planning to move here?” He asked with amusement when Calypso dragged her suitcase out of the car. Even though she would be staying at Waystation for less than a week, she had taken quite a lot of things with her just to be sure she wasn’t missing anything. “Not that I have anything against you living with my family… It’s just that that…” he pointed at the suitcase, “… looks a bit excessive considering we’re not staying that long and we can just drive or even walk back to our flat any time we want to if we need something.”

“You can never be too well prepared in situations like this!” Calypso stated, pulling her suitcase behind her while Festus followed her happily.

“Okay, okay,” Leo put his hand up in defeat and started following Calypso towards the house. “I believe you.”

…

“Calie, Calie!” a young brown haired girl exclaimed happily when the flatmates made it inside the house. “You came!”

“Hi, Georgina!” Calypso greeted the girl. “I did promise you, and both you and I know that promises should be kept, right?” Even at the risk of the trip being very awkward because of everything that was currently going on between her and Leo, she wasn’t planning to disappoint this little girl. She knew too well how that felt.

“Right!” Georgina agreed with her. “So, how has my brother been lately? Super annoying, as usual?”

Calypso was unsure what she should answer to that question, especially since Leo was listening right next to her. “Umm… he hasn’t been that bad, in my opinion… Sure, he has his annoying moments but I think the exams have kept him so busy that he has mostly been behaving himself.” She smiled at the girl, one part of her hoping Leo knew better than to take her too seriously. But then again, they had been bickering since day one, and apparently, he still liked her.

“Yeah, and Calypso has been somewhat behaving herself too, thanks for asking,” Leo intervened, looking slightly annoyed. “Well, what about you, sis? Did you pass all your tests?”

“I did but the math one was super difficult! Maybe you can help me with it when the school starts again?” Georgina gave Leo the kind of puppy eyes that would have been hard to resist for anyone. And sure enough, Leo’s frown melted quickly when she kept looking at him pleadingly.

“Of course I can help! That’s what I’m here for, right?” he answered without hesitation. Then he frowned again. “But where are our mothers? I thought they’d catch us like hawks the moment we arrived.”

“They’re probably busy making a big dinner,” Georgina noted. “I don’t think they’ve talked about anything else except you two the whole day…”

“Really?” Leo asked. “That’s… weird? I do visit here often enough…”

“Yeah, but how often do you visit with a girl?” Georgina pointed out sneakily. The girl was really observant for her age, Calypso thought. She and Leo exchanged quick looks before Leo answered.

“Listen, Georgie. Cal and I are friends. And flatmates obviously. But we are not dating, I hope you know that,” he said firmly, even though Calypso could sense that he wished he could have told her something else.

“Then how come she’s spending the holidays with us? Doesn’t she have her own family to spend it with?”

It was an innocent question, as Georgina had no idea about Calypso’s home circumstances, but it had still hit a bit too close to home to Calypso and Leo knew that. That’s why he rushed to answer for her: “Hey, now, miss Nosy! Cal has her own reasons why she prefers spending the holidays with us, and she doesn’t have to explain them all to you. The main thing is that she’s here and I hope you won’t bother her by asking more of your annoying questions.”

“Now you’re just being rude,” Georgina grimaced at him. “But fiiine, I won’t ask more questions. I’ll go tell moms that you guys arrived.”

“Go do that,” Leo sighed, and rolled his eyes when she was already out of sight. “Sorry ‘bout that,” he told Calypso as he showed her where she could put her outerwear. “For the first 15 years of my life I didn’t have a sibling and somehow I thought it would be great to have one… She /is/ pretty great most of the time but no one told me beforehand that sometimes siblings can be quite nuisances too.”

Calypso’s face fell a bit as she thought about her own sister and how much she sometimes wished she could see her again. Luckily Leo seemed to realize pretty fast that he had said something wrong.

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t remember… I mean, I know I’m lucky to have a sister like her, I just… Um, I’m just gonna shut up now.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Calypso tried to calm him down. “It’s an easy mistake to make. I haven’t talked about her a lot to you…”

“As someone who has also lost a family member, I understand why you don't wanna do that, Sunshine. But hey,” he stepped closer to her, sticking his index finger close enough to her chin that she had to lift it, but not close enough that it would have touched her. “You’re visiting casa de Valdez & co and we have a rule here that we should put the nasty stuff behind us, at least during the visit.”

“You mean like, ‘Hakuna matata’?” Calypso asked, having heard the story of Leo loving Lion King as a child. As their eyes met, she could feel the butterflies flying in her stomach again.

“Yep, now you’re speaking my language, babe.”

“Babe?” Calypso raised her eyebrow but was interrupted before she could say more because Leo’s adoptive mothers finally entered the room. Calypso had already met Jo earlier, but Emmie hadn’t been with her and Georgina that time. She had a long, grey braid, and something about her posture told her that the woman had done a lot of sports back in the day. She was wearing an apron over her work clothes and she was smiling at her in a friendly manner when their eyes met.

Jo greeted Calypso first.

“Hello, it’s nice to see you again.” Then she pointed at the woman next to her. “This is my wife, Emmie. You haven’t met her yet, right?"

“Correct.”

“Well, hello dear,” Emmie spoke, shaking Calypso’s hand. “You must be the Calypso I keep hearing so much about. I’m not sure which of these kids has been more excited about your visit; Georgina has been asking Leo every time he visits when he’ll bring you with her. I guess that day is finally here!”

“Oh, that’s sweet,” Calypso mumbled, a bit overwhelmed by the excitement with which Leo’s Waystation family welcomed her. The more she heard, the more it felt like they really thought that Leo was bringing home someone who was /not/ just a flatmate. Despite that, she knew these people were just trying to be polite, so she couldn’t get angry at them. Especially since in different circumstances they may not have been wrong. “Thank you for having me. I’ve been looking forward to seeing this place! And of course I haven’t forgotten that I promised to teach Georgina some baking so I had to come.”

“I hope it’s not too much trouble,” Emmie said, a lot like Jo during the visit to Leo and Calypso’s flat. “Leo has of course told us that you’re a rather busy person these days so we wish you get some resting time too.”

“No, it’s not a problem at all,” Calypso shook her head, smiling at Georgina who was looking at her expectantly. “I like having something to do with my hands; I’m not used to just sitting around.”

“That’s great,” Emmie said approvingly. “I don’t think you will have a boring moment in this household. Now, let us show you to our guest room upstairs and then we can all go dine together.”

“Sounds good,” Calypso agreed and started following the women further into the house.

…

After setting her things into a guest room with a big bed, an old mahogany desk, some flowers by the window and a fascinating looking bookshelf, Calypso was led into the dining room where the dinner was waiting.

“Smells so good,” she told the others before she knew what kind of meal Leo’s mothers had prepared. “Reminds me of something I’ve tasted at home…”

“A little bird told us that you like Greek food,” Emmie said mysteriously.

When Leo had told his mothers Calypso and he would be visiting Waystation, they had asked him what kind of food she liked. Calypso had once mentioned that she missed eating some of the traditional Greek foods she had gotten as a child, so that’s what Leo had suggested. The women of Waystation had ended up making moussaka and along with it (much to Leo’s dismay) some salad with lots of olives in it.

“You didn’t...!” Calypso exclaimed when she saw what was inside the frying pan, clapping her hands together. “I loved it when mum made this when I was a kid! I probably last ate it when I was 10…” Something warm rose to her chest when it sunk into her that someone had seen that much effort to make her feel welcomed. “Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome, dear,” Jo said. “We know you’re a very important person to Leo – even though he may be a bit bad at expressing his real thoughts sometimes – so we wanted to make sure that you know that you’re always welcome to visit us.”

“I’m sure I would have been convinced about that even with less effort,” Calypso reassured Leo’s mothers, pretending to ignore the hidden meaning behind the older woman’s words. “But I appreciate it a lot.”

“Guys, I don’t know about you but I’m starving, so can we please skip the pleasantries and just start eating?” Leo asked impatiently, drumming a glass on the dining table with a spoon.

“Some things never change,” Georgina joined the conversation, elbowing her adoptive brother. “Leo’s always so impatient when it comes to food.”

“But Leonidas,” Calypso started when she took a closer look at the salad that was being served, giving him a lopsided grin. Clearly Georgina’s mischievousness was already getting to her. “Are you really that excited about olives? The last time I checked, you weren’t particularly enthusiastic about them.”

Leo seemed a bit less excited about the food when he realized that she was right, but before he had time to comment, Emmie spoke first.

“What? You made Leo eat olives? That’s a story I’d like to hear,” she urged Calypso, and the latter mentioned did not have to be convinced twice to tell the story.

“Alright. One Saturday evening we decided to cook some Greek and Mexican style food just for fun. I of course had some olives in the salad I made and asked Leo to taste it, but he didn’t like it so somehow we ended up making a deal that if I eat one of his chilis, he eats his olives.”

“Yep, and you lost,” Leo pointed out immediately.

“I’ve said this before and I will say it again that it was an unfair bet! Those chilis were /hot/. Olives can actually be consumed without burning your mouth.” Calypso retorted.

“Wait, are you talking about the chilis that Leo has gotten from here?” Emmie asked. “Ouch, Leo, those things really are spicy. I am on Calypso’s side here; it /was/ an unfair bet.”

“Not you too!” Leo protested, crossing his arms. “Nothing happened; she only ate a little and I gave her some bread and milk afterwards. And eventually we both laughed at the whole thing.”

“Wow, brother, that was almost gentlemanly of you,” Georgina stated, clearly proud of the fancy word she had just used. “Calie, he would probably have just let me suffer if I had eaten that chili pepper.”

“Yep, because you’re just a little twerpette,” Leo replied while ruffling Georgina’s hair affectionately.

“Ahem,” Jo finally interrupted the banter. “I love hearing these stories but we don’t want Calypso’s welcome dinner to get cold, do we? So let’s dig in.”

The others didn’t have to be told twice. As everyone was eating the moussaka (Calypso noticed Leo had even taken an olive on his plate to show the others he could) and chatting about various things, Calypso really did start feeling welcomed and she even caught herself thinking that Jo was probably right; she wouldn’t be having a boring moment here.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

kiss me in the d-a-r-k .1.

saturday

Warnings: non/dub con sex 

This is dark!(dad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only.

Summary: The reader's vacation doesn’t go as planned.

Note:  Okay, so my dad!Steve fic turned into a gd series, but it’s gonna be short (six/seven parts) and it’s gonna be posted all this week (exception for wednesday for obvious reasons). The fic takes places over a week and so each chapter is a day.

We get a sexy dad!Steve who’s a bit more devious than dark and well...I’ll let you guys figure it out for yourselves! I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think!

...

One week. That was your summer, truly. The rest you would spend working at the banquet hall, serving drunken guests at birthdays, weddings, and anniversaries. At the end, you would return to the sleepy lectures and all-nighters which defined university living.

Six hours in the car and a pit stop or two and you were on official vacation. Kylie was waiting. A pool, too. That was the real attraction. The moment she mentioned that, you were sold. It was surely preferable to spending your only week off alone in the town you grew up in. 

Google led you to a long driveway. At the end stood a house three times as big as yours. By the look of it, the pool must have been massive. You couldn’t wait.

There were two other cars in the driveway. The cherry red Mercedes Kylie had bragged about but her dad hadn’t let he take with her to uni, and a Range Rover in pristine white. Both sat outside the double-door garage just off the side of the cobbled walkway.

You pulled up behind the Mercedes and climbed out with a groan. Your legs were cramped and you were sorely in need of relief. Your bladder was full from the ginger ale you gulped after the last rest stop. You grabbed your purse from the passenger’s seat and the compact luggage from the trunk. 

The small suitcase rolled over the bumpy cobbles and you lifted it up the steps. The wooden door was wide enough for two to go through at once and the wrought iron hinges gave it a vintage feel. You raised a fist to knock but paused. You supposed the doorbell in the middle of the ornamental sun was a more effective route.

You rang and waited. You gripped the handle of your suitcase and pulled out your phone. A whole two minutes and you pushed it again. Still, nothing. You swiped up and began to type out a message to Kylie. She was probably already floating in the pool, sunglasses on, the world blotted out from her mind.

You jumped before you hit send. The garage door jerked and the electric motor slowly lifted the folding door. The sound of a radio came faint from within. A man peeked around and you were ready to kick yourself. Google had taken you to the wrong house. Fuck.

“I thought I heard something,” He said above the radio hosts as they announced the weekend top ten throwbacks. “You must be Kylie’s friend. I told her to wait, but…”

“Stubborn,” You finished awkwardly. You gave him your name and looked around. “Um, so she told you about me?”

“A little. Mentioned a friend.” He shrugged. “I’m Steve...her father.”

His greying blonde hair caught the sun as he smiled. The corners of his eyes crinkled and he reached to his belt to loose the rag there, wiping the grime from his hand. Kylie’s dad was suppose to be out of town, or so she said. It seemed, however, he was very much in town. So much for a vacation.

“Door’s unlocked,” He shaded his eyes, his bicep bulged. He was in good shape for his age. Good shape for any. “Pool’s right through. Past the foyer and into the kitchen. Sliding doors are right there.” He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes glued to the unseen interior of the garage. “Drag her out and get her to give you the tour.”

You nodded and he disappeared back into the garage. He left the door open. You pushed down the lever and stepped inside. You slipped off your sneakers, afraid to mess the sparkling floors, and left your bags beside the mat. Just past the large curved staircase was the door to the kitchen.

This wasn’t just a house, it was a mansion. Kylie seemed the well-to-do type but you hadn’t expected this. The kitchen was just as grand. Pale checkered floors, marble counters, glass cabinets and fridge. Sleek but classic.

Kylie didn’t notice the door as it slid open. Didn’t notice as you approached the pool, the mosaic of dark blues, teals, and white formed swirled waves around the edge. Beach loungers lined the side and a round table with tanning lotion and an empty glass stood between two cushioned lawn chairs.

“Hey,” You neared the edge. She lazed by in a floatie, pointed sunglasses over her eyes, a skinny red bikini betrayed her confidence. “Thought you’re dad was gone for the week.”

“He got cancelled on,” She didn’t move, didn’t even open her eyes beneath the shades. “He’s cool with it though. Says he’ll give us our space.”

“Great, I’m sure he won’t mind the sixer in my bag if he’s at a distance,” You said dryly.

“Pfft, he’d rather I drink here than somewhere else.” She replied, “He’s always offering his beer but you know me, I don’t do beer.”

“Oh,” You wouldn’t guess a man like him with a house like this would be anything but strict. “It does preclude us from our little midnight trip to the beach. Mercedes has to be parked and polished by ten.”

“I told you, I’m not skinny dipping,” You grumbled, “I don’t care how dark it is.”

“Well, now it’s not an argument because we can’t go,” She stopped herself with a hand on the edge as she floated close to the ladder. “Tell me he wasn’t an ass.” She climbed out with a splash. “He didn’t tell one of his jokes, did he?”

“He was...nice,” You answered vaguely, “Why didn’t you tell me you lived in a palace?”

“Whatever, dunno why dad kept the house,” She grabbed the towel from over the closest chair, “Him and my mom built it but I don’t think it’s so much sentiment as spite now.”

“Your mom?” You wondered.

“She lives a state over now. Bigger house actually.” She wrapped the towel around her as she led you back to the sliding doors. “Richer man.”

“Sounds like the life,” You kidded. She laughed.

“Trust me, I know,” She guided you through the kitchen and to the base of the staircase. “Once I’m out of school, I’m gonna find me a good daddy. Maybe in L.A.” You giggled and she climbed the stairs lazily. “As you can see, this place is massive. “Not to hard to guess that upstairs are the bedrooms and downstairs the rest. Living room, dining room, kitchen, office, gym.” She listed, “My dad’s room is just down there,” She pointed to the end of the east hall. “Mine’s complete opposite. Thank god.”

“You can stay in the nice guest room.” She led you to the door two from her own. “The rest look like my grandma decorated them and this one has a full bath.”

“I’d sleep on your porch and be comfortable,” You scoffed and she rolled her eyes. “Better grab your stuff and get changed. Vacation starts now.”

“Sure,” You turned back down the hall. It wouldn’t be very relaxing with the unexpected third wheel. Or were you the third wheel?

-

You floated around the edge of the pool. Kylie had found a second floatie but it took ages to blow it up. She didn’t help. She went back to her own and swiped through instagram. Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers.

In your flowered one-piece you even looked like you didn’t belong. Of course Kylie was tall, blond, and perfect and made anyone seem the opposite. You read the novel your sister had lent you but found yourself closing your eyes beneath your round shades. She hadn’t warned you it was a romance.

It was getting late. The air cooled and the sun was on its decline. You dipped your fingers in the water. Even with the heater on, it made you shiver. Of course, you'd been baking for hours now.

You paddled yourself to the side of the pool. You tossed your book up and carefully pulled yourself close. You hooked a leg over and were halfway onto solid ground when the floatie began to stray. In your struggle to keep aground, your lost the floatie and found yourself plunging into the pool.

You came up for air with a gasp. You were surprised by the two sets of laughter that greeted you. Kylie was at the ladder, holding her own floatie steady as she giggled. You turned as her dad stood just outside the open sliding doors. He had seen everything.

“Girls,” He cleared his throat, “I was just coming out to ask what you wanted on your pizza?”

“Pizza,” Kylie repeated. “I’d prefer sushi.”

“You’d prefer the world,” He returned. Kylie climbed up the ladder without a splash and you waded over to it. “Or you guys can fend for yourselves. I was just trying to set a good impression for your friend, but--”

“You know what I like, dad,” Kylie whined.

“Ah, only children,” Steve sighed and looked to you as you climbed out of the pool. 

The water dripped from your suit as it clung to your figure. You quickly crossed to the beach chair and pulled a towel around you. You nearly slipped as you came to a stop. 

“Careful,” He warned. You could feel him watching; was it concern? Amusement? “So, any preferences?”

“Um, not really. Don’t really like meat on my pizza but I’m not picky,” You tried to smile as you wiped your face dry. “Always considered myself lucky to get a slice with my siblings.”

“Alright,” He said, “I’ll go order. Kylie, close the pool up before you come in.”

“Yes, Dad,” She huffed and he pulled shut the door behind him. “You know he was supposed to go see some friend in the city but he’s out here making my life miserable.”

“Oh?” You didn’t wanna be ungracious to the man who had so far been rather nice. You also didn’t want to feed her only child syndrome. “He’s all paranoid because I had Taylor over without telling him and he walked in on us making out.”

“I’m sure it could’ve been worse,” You mused.

“Yeah, he could’ve walked in a few minutes later,” She shrugged and took the key from the glass table. She crossed to the end of the pool and knelt to open the lid of a box set into the stone. She shoved the key in and turned. The pool cover slowly whirred and unfolded across the pool. “I don’t think he believed you were real, to be honest.”

The pool cover finished its journey to the other end and she snapped the lid shut. She strode around the pool and slipped on her sandals as she grabbed her phone from the table. You hugged your own towel to you as she carelessly rubbed dry her body with one hand. She led you inside and barely acknowledged her dad as she walked through the kitchen.

You glanced over at Steve and he smiled. Caught, you tried to smile back and carried on. He didn’t seem the type to put up with Kylie’s attitude but he also seemed to have a way with her. She was snarky but she did as he said.

“Pizza’s due in twenty minutes,” He called after Kylie. “I’m not gonna wait for you.”

“Sure, Dad,” She shrugged and started up the staircase. You followed and resisted the urge to look over to the kitchen door. You swore a shadow filled it as you began your ascent.

-

You changed and followed Kylie down to the dining room. The table was more appropriate for a dozen than the meagre three who sat along it. The pizza had already shown up and Steve had stacked plates beside the boxes. He had taken two slices for himself. You sat beside Kylie and she took a single slice. You did the same and her dad chuckled.

“Come on, it’s a vacation, help yourself,” He caught the lid before it could close. “Take a second. Hell, a third.”

“Dad,” Kylie scowled, “We’re adults. We can feed ourselves.”

“I know, I know, but you should enjoy yourself,” He countered, “You’re not on another cleanse are you?”

“No, I learned my lesson,” She nibbled at her slice.

“An unpleasant one,” He laughed and took a bite. He swallowed as his blue eyes wandered over to you hiding behind your slice. “So, Kylie said you two are in the same program.”

“Yeah, uh,” You took a napkin from the pile and wiped your mouth. “For now, at least.”

“For now?” He asked.

“I’m trying to transfer. I don’t think Lit is for me,” You explained and watched the drops of grease trickle along the cheese. “I’m waiting for an answer from the head of the journalism program but...well, deadline’s well and passed and I thought I’d know by now.”

“I’m sure you’ll get it. If it’s what you really want, I can’t see why they’d turn a smart girl like you away.” He took another bite.

“Smart? How do you know that?” You raised a brow.

“Kylie mentioned something about honours. Also a little study session that saved her from a summer semester.” He chided and Kylie rolled her eyes.

“To be fair, that was a hard course. I barely eked out a low A and the drop rate was almost sixty percent,” You tried to help as best you could. You wouldn’t mention that Kylie had been hungover during the exam or that you hadn’t even been in that course. “And, well, I’ll at least know before we return to campus...I guess.”

“Looking forward to it?” He asked. “I know Kylie is. What’s not to miss in the city? All those boys.”

“Dad,” You chewed your pizza as Kylie cringed. “Don’t start on that.”

You hid your discomfort and focused on swallowing. Unlike Kylie, boys had not been the best part of your undergrad experience. In fact, they had been more stressful than classes. University had turned out little better than high school on that front.

“You’re young. This is the time to get your kicks in,” Steve laughed.

“Stop it, Dad!” Kylie griped.

“Don’t act like you’re not with that Taylor boy,” He jabbed. “No judgment, just be safe.”

“Please stop before I lose my appetite,” Kylie stared at her pizza in disgust.

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to tell me about all your illicit lovers,” Steve turned back to you, “Just one.”

“Dad!” Kylie dropped her crust. “Keep it up and she’s going to leave.”

You giggled nervously. You didn’t know what to say. You didn’t want to admit that you weren’t very experienced, though Kylie already knew. It was almost flattering that he would think you were more than a clueless girl.

“Only if you tell me yours,” You kidded and finished your crust. You reached for another and Steve opened the box for you.

“Don’t encourage him,” Kylie grumbled, “He will, you know? He’s not subtle.”

Steve chuckled at his daughter and met your eyes. He lifted his brows before he looked away. He lifted his second piece of pizza and chewed. You did the same. You always over-thought these things. 

Surely he had only been joking. Had to be. Afterall, you were entirely ignorant of the other sex. You were quick to read into every word and gesture. This was English Lit. There was no symbolism here.

-

tags to be added in reblog

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

O’ Captain, My Captain

Thanks to the Old Me music video, I unearthed this old fic. Here is Football!Calum. With a hint of Artist!Calum. 

Calum took his chance. To be selfish. To have both things. Football and Art. 

if you like what I write and post, consider supporting me on ko-fi. It helps me save up for graduate fees! 

_________________________________________

The grass feels different beneath his sneakers. He’s already walked with the team to put the equipment up. The coaches have already clapped him on the back, smiled at him, told him that he made his team proud. Though most importantly, they had hoped he had done himself proud. His mom and dad have already wrapped him in hugs, grins plastered to their faces. They’ve already taken him out to dinner, stuffed him with the fanciest thing on the menu. He’s already cheered in the locker room. His voice is still a little hoarse.  Three championship games in a row under his belt. This game, that took place less than three hours ago, was his last hurrah. His freshman and sophomore year weren’t total defeats. They made it to the finals, but didn’t quite make it all the way. And now with junior, senior, and this first year as a postdoc have felt like fever dreams. 

 It’s amazing to go out on such a high note. He can’t help but smile at the thought, the adrenaline that fueled him as he drove the ball downfield with just seconds left. They were up by one goal. It’s not like they needed another one. Calum was greedy for it. No, he was starving for it. It was the fire in his bones that kept him running down that field. The goalie, normally pretty good at reading fakes, took the bait as Calum juked left a little. He dove a second too early, clearing the right side of the goal and Calum watched the ball sail before hitting the back of the net. Time did not exist. He wasn’t breathing. Just watching the ball, praying it didn’t hit the beam. 

Folding his arms behind his head, he stretches out onto the grass. It’s cool even beneath the hoodie. He’s had some good memories on this field. The summer before he started his undergraduate career, he conditioned with them. He was picked up by his team at his secondary school. He could’ve gone pro. School was never supposed to be his thing. It never was his thing if he was honest. He was bored one day in school and decided to crash one of the art classes, skipping the ever so important free block built into his schedule so he could study and work on homework that was coming up or forgotten until the last minute. The teacher knew him fairly well and he wouldn’t rat him out. They broke out another sketchbook and some pencils. “If you’re going to avoid the other schoolwork, just doodle. I’ll give ya extra credit.”

So Calum figured what the harm, besides a potentially insurmountable stack of after school detentions. He could skip class, fuck about in a sketchbook and get some extra credit. He was all for it. But he found himself skipping his other classes more often. He wasn’t terrible at drawing. He definitely wasn’t great. It was just something he wanted to get better at. He came by the art hall after class and sat, sketching the lockers lining the walls. He sketched classrooms. He was getting good and he was enjoying it. The next year he made sure he was taking art classes. Calum never thought he’d give a shit about school, but he gave a shit about art. While he cared for art, he never saw it as viable. Football was his only option. 

“You thought about uni?” His teacher asked right at the end of Year 11. 

“Not much. School’s not my thing.”

“But art is.”

“So is football,” Calum countered. 

“Aren’t some schools looking to give you a scholarship?”

Calum looked up from the sketchbook, back out the window to the benches for lunch when the weather permitted. “Yeah, some in the States. A couple in the UK, a few local schools. But I can’t. You know, football’s my thing.”

His teacher sat down next to him, gently sliding the book out from Calum’s hand. He already knows what’s on the inside but flips through the pages gingerly. The football field, his friends, his parents and sister, scenes of everyday life. The way Calum captured light was amazing, and normally took years to get just right. It was so easy to see the sort of knack Calum had for it. “What if both could be your thing?”

It wasn’t as easy as just having both things. He needed to keep his grades up in order to play at a university. He had to give a shit and it was quickly showing in his first years that he wasn’t. He was nearly dropped from the team for his grades. The general education requirements were ridiculous and all he wanted to do was run on the field and draw not the other bullshit between. But a chat with his mother changed all that. She was never unfair but always firm. He went to the tutoring center. He got off academic probation. He kept his head above water and pushed through the general education stuff. 

Now here he is, going into his second year of graduate studies for studio art. Here he is, at the end of his football eligibility. Here he is laying in the middle of the field. 

He can still hear the roar of the crowd. The sidelines are still packed with people. His body is sore no doubt. Even the cool down stretch can’t take all the pain away. When he goes to sit up, he’s definitely going to feel it in his quads. Right now in his memory, he is still dribbling downfield. He is still sweating, panting, praying he can get that final goal. Right now he is the little boy in his parent’s backyard, grinning ear to ear as his mother takes a picture before his first game. He is twelve again, running drills after practice until his legs felt like they would collapse beneath him. The only thing that matters right now is the echo of his heart thundering in his chest. He will always miss this feeling, everything on the line. Blood, sweat, and pain all pushing him to keep his eyes open, pushing him to be two steps ahead. 

“Hey!” Calum hears the shouting but thinks nothing of it. “Hey!” the voice calls again. It’s closer to him now. The sounds of running over grass hitting his ears. He’s all too familiar with the sound. “You’re Calum, right? Calum Hood?”

He opens his eyes, squinting up to the voice. He sits up with a nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.” The girl’s dressed in a leotard and leggings, duffle bag hiked up onto her shoulder. 

“Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to say congrats on the win. My brother’s on the team.” Now as the sun clears and he can see her face a bit more properly, she does resemble Hawkins. Sophomore. Good guy, pretty kick-ass center fullback. 

“He never mentioned having a sister.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not exactly cool to go to the same uni as your sibling. But I got picked for academics and he got in on football.”

“Looks like you play something? Maybe the dance team?” he questions, gesturing to the bag. 

She nods. “Yeah, sort of.”

“Sort of? Either you dance or you don’t,” he laughs. 

“I do, dance I mean. I also do baton twirling. But didn’t mean to interrupt your moment too much. Just wanted to say congrats. I’ll miss you on the field.”

Calum nods, hugging his knees to his chest. He glances over the opened field. “I’m going to miss it too.”

“It’ll always be here though. In a way, you know?” He hums in agreement with her statement. It will be. Just won’t be quite the same. “We’ll be practicing at the other end of the field. But if it’s too loud or anything, don’t be afraid to shout at us or anything.”

He smiles. “We are outdoors. Only so much I can really complain about it.”

She grins, a small tuft of laughter escaping her. “Touche.” She takes another step. “Well, congrats again, if I don’t see you at the party later.”

“Thank you. It means a lot.”

Calum watches her cross the field for a few seconds longer and continues to sit, knees to his chest. His legs are still sore. They will be for a couple more days. He’s alright with that. Calum reaches into his bag, pulling out his sketchbook and pencils. He tries to capture the scene from memory, the packed crowd, the anticipation, the desire. His chest squeezes and his grip on his pencil slacks. 

The sting behind his eyes confirms the tightness of his chest. He brings his gaze back up to the slightly clouded sky, blurry due to the tears. He’s won. He actually won and he’s leaving. The end is sweeter than he imagined. It’s bitter too, to know that he won’t ever step back into his jersey. But it’s somehow sweeter. To know that his legacy will leave on, for at least one more year as he finishes out his degree in studio art. It’s sweeter to end like this. To end on top, to end knowing that he followed a path that allowed him to chase both loves. 

_________________________________

The house is loud, even from the end of the block. It’s a good thing that the football house is situated pretty close to the rest of the frat houses, or else issues would ensue. Calum’s sure something is up as he closes in on the house.  The ruckus isn’t from the football house, it’s from the house next to it. He’s unsure if he should try the door. The lights are on, maybe he’s early. The text he got told him nine. He’s only a few minutes late. Public transit was a little late getting him from the stop near his apartment, which isn’t terrible. 

The door’s locked. So he knocks, stuffing his hands back into the pocket of his jacket. When it opens, he’s greeted with cheers, slaps to the shoulder. “The man of the hour!” 

“Nah, nah,” Calum smiles, slipping out of his coat. He drapes it over the pile forming in the corner, over the back of one of the chairs. He turns to the kitchen. There’s a fixing for just a beer hitting him. He freezes though, staring at his coaches. “Coach Ball, Coach Hobbs, what’re--what’s happening here?”

They grin at him. Coach Hobbs steps forward. “We know. It’s not cool of us to crash a party like this. But, we figured you might want to know this before ya get sloshed.”

Coach Ball steps in. “We can’t extend your contract. Shite we know. But what we can do, is make sure you always keep a part of us with ya.” He extends a white box with a red bow wrapped around it. 

The air’s not even pressing itself into his lungs it feels. Calum’s hands shake a little as he takes the box, pulling on the mesh bow. Pulling the top off, there sits a white jersey, decorated in his number, 11, staring back at him in green. The school’s name and logo also printed onto it. He pulls it out of the box, tears still slightly blurring his vision.  As he turns it over, he notices his name also written across the back. He’s normally got a crier. Not that he’s crying right now, it’s just a few tears. It’s not like they can retire his number. But the ability to still hold onto it, the memories make him happy. The fact that he can still hold onto this. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, putting the jersey back. He pulls both of them into hugs. His lungs can now fully expand as his coaches pat him on the shoulder, whispered praises falling gently between the three of them. Both coaches leave after that, but not before taking a beer each with them. The room chants for Calum to don the new jersey. He sheds the black tee, draping the white material over his body. A can is passed to each of them. 

“This round’s for Captain Hood,” Trundle shouts. He’s taking over as captain now. “He always sailed this ship to success.”

The words catch in his throat. “It-it wasn’t me. It was the team. You guys sailed yourselves.” There are another round of cheers, cans clinking together and the first seem is bitter as always but Calum gets choked as his throat seizes attempting to not let any more tears fall down his cheeks. 

The party continues, the music thumping throughout the house. Less dancing but more mingling is the call for socialization. The same girl from early comes up to him, leggings traded in for distressed jeans and a lacey cropped top. “Drink looks a little low,” she grins at him, before holding out another can. 

He has no clue if she’s younger than Hawkins or not, so he politely declines the drink. “Thanks though. Gonna drink up on some water right now.” She nods and then shimmies through the crowd. 

When the party dies down, around one in the morning, Calum lingers around to help clean up some before his ride pulls up. The driver is nice, keeps conversation pretty short during the five-minute drive.  As he walks back into his apartment, the first of his roommates to arrive from their nights of mischief, he settles onto the couch. He unzips himself out of his boots, pulling the jacket off his shoulders. He inspects the jersey, thankfully no spills, no stains. He pulls it off, walks to his room and drapes it over the back of his chair at his desk. He’s unsure of whether or not to frame it. Though, his brain is completely sober right now to even consider that. He shimmies out of the jeans and lies across his bed, sleep finding him fast.

 His alarm blares, the next morning. He groans, partially cursing himself for leaving it set. But he knows he needs it. Even though his shift is later in the evening, he’s still got a paper to finish up and his portfolio to clean up. It sucks to have to worry now about tuition, his scholarship covered him for all his years as a player, but now, with one last year and no more sports eligibility, him and his parents are figuring out the best way to cover the costs. 

Calum sits up, the jersey staring back at him. It’s real. He didn’t really dream up the coaches handing him that jersey. He didn’t conjure it up in his subconscious as his own selfish desire to never part from it. That jersey is real and his, his number with him forever. It continues to hit him that his time is up during the week. More and more people stop him in the hallways, on the paths that lead to buildings, in the library, in the cafeteria to congratulate him. The older ladies serving him, heap his plates with extras, smile at him in the way that only older ladies can that make you feel fuzzy on the inside. 

He settles down at the benches in front of the library and works on sketching the fountain. He’s been working on it for his final portfolio for a long time. He watches some kids, kicking a football around. His chest warms as they laugh amongst themselves. He decides to put them into the drawing too. He wishes he could capture their laughter, the way they grin at each other and shout at what should be a foul. He wishes he could capture the smiles on their parents' faces as they watch their children. Glancing down to his watch, he notes that his whole break is just about up, so he packs up his things and starts towards the art building. 

In his brief walk, he realizes he could’ve chosen pro. That would’ve worked out for him. But he wouldn’t have these opportunities to still feel human, to chase for that rush of getting the lighting just right in a drawing, in the huge release when his brush hits that canvas. Art is the same need to emote like on the field. It’s just on canvas this time. He could have both things and he’s glad he got them. 

[writeraquamarinara]

Hello my fellow Greek myth slut! Aegis, Satyr, Apollo, Sun Chariot, Trident, Hippolytus!! (These seemed like the most fun but you don’t have to do them all:))

hello hello!! let’s getintoit.

Aegis: What is your favorite book or series?

that’s such a tough question. for book series it’s either pjo (and heroes of olympus, etc.), because of what those books meant to me as a kid, or thg. i’ve never read Elena Ferrante’s ‘L’amica geniale’ (The Neapolitan Quartet) series but from what i’ve heard i’ll probably love it as well.

for single books, maybe either The Glass Castle or Pride and Prejudice. I’ve read so many other brilliant books but there’s something about the books that you connected to as a middle/high school teen that sticks with you.

Satyr: Last time you couldn’t stop laughing?

probably scrolling through a few of my sister’s favourite tiktoks. other than that when my little brother cut his own bangs without alerting anyone and then asked me to adjust his haircut, which i did while my little sister played the “not the bay-angs” audio in the background.

Apollo: What kind of music are you into?

answered here!

Sun Chariot: What is your favorite mythological creature?

maybe Cerberus? he’s just a big puppy after all. also Circe (can i consider her a creature?) because Madeleine Miller’s novel made me love her even more than I already did.

Trident: Who are your favorite people?

you! and the all the MMs! and all the book club peeps! and my siblings, and my best friends from home and uni, sometimes my parents (u know how it is), the teachers who looked out for me in high school and who basically became my friends. idk i’m probably forgetting more people.

Hippolytus: Tell an experience you will never forget.

i was going to try and be a good person and put some good vibes out into the world by telling y’all a positive experience but my brain immediately went No I Will Not Cooperate and Remember a Nice Thing so instead I’ve got:

the time I was accompanying my sister at Carnegie Hall, so I hadn’t bothered to purposely memorize the piece, and then sat down on the piano bench to find that my sheet music was upside down. my sister was already starting so i didn’t have time to fix it and had to rely on muscle memory instead. luckily it actually went fine, but i don’t think i’ve ever been so anxious/had so much adrenaline coursing through me before.

thanks for the asks, darling!

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (ᵔᴥᵔ)

Hi hi! May I please have a matchup for IkeSen? I’ve been reading through all the ones you’ve posted and I love how much thought and consideration you put into them! ☺️

A little about me; I’m just about to turn 23, 5’4”, a Leo, and my MBTI is ENFJ. Blue eyes, blonde hair, but ya girl is about to become a redhead and I can’t remember the last time I was so excited for a change like that lol 🤩 I’m pretty confident in myself, and sometimes that pride gets in the way of asking for help, but I can understand when it’s needed and put it to the side (temporarily).

I love love looove to read 😍 Lately I’ve been really into contemporary romance but I’m also a big fan of YA and adult fantasy! Oh, and academic texts, the reasoning for which I touch on below.

Learning is honestly one of passions, but it has to be on my schedule and the subjects I’m actually interested in. I just finished my BaH in History, and it’s cool because I can go off about fertility treatments in 17th century England or notable female figures in the Philippine Revolution of 1896, but I don’t know shit about much of WW1 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’m also super social, so I love going to parties and events (or better yet hosting parties and events). Social interaction is what keeps me going, and the side of me that loves quiet reading time comes out when i need to recharge. I also need something to do to keep busy, so I tend to alternative creative hobbies pretty frequently. And I’m always trying new recipes! Mainly baking different things, but really I’m willing to try cooking anything that piques my interest at least once.

I love to travel too! I’m a broke uni graduate so I can’t exactly afford to go anywhere rn, but I’d love to be able to travel the world and visit historical sites. They would have to be long trips though, because I have a habit of sleeping in and staying up late into the night, so I end up limiting how many daylight hours I have to get things done 😅

I think that’s about it? Me in a bubble lol. I’m so looking forward to seeing who you’d think I’d mesh with, thank you so much! 🥰

Hi hi, love! 🔥Thank you so much for the request! Awww I’m so happy you have been enjoying my matchups! ❤😆Sorry for taking sooo long!  I hope you enjoy and I hope you have the best day!❤🌻 @ohno-0tome​

So I match you with……….Shingen 

It had been a few weeks since you arrived in Azuchi and you were starting to fit in pretty nicely. I’ll admit when you first arrived the warlords were extremely cold and suspicious towards you, but soon they got to know you and had adopted you as their dearest little sister. 

You work incredibly hard for the castle and its people and all the warlords absolutely adored your bubbly personality. One of your closest friends was Mitsunari, as he like you was a fellow bookworm and scholar. You had also come to become quick friends with Masamune as the two of you would often swap out recipes and spend the day cooking delicious food for the Mitsus

Mitisunari had introduced you to the town library, where he too spent most of his time absorbing the knowledge from any and every book he could get his hands on. In just 2 weeks of being in Azuchi you had managed to read almost every book in the castle archives. So you would often accompany Mitsunari on his trips to the library to quench your own thirst for knowledge.

You loved going into town and just spending the day in the library, it was every book lovers ideal setting. Quiet, comfy chairs and a small teahouse in the furthest corner of the library, that sold the most amazing pastries and tea you have ever tasted. It had become somewhat a tradition for you to quickly finish all your chores and then make your way to the library, to sit in your usual sunny spot by the window. You had gone to the place so often that everyone knew you there, even the teahouse owner would keep your teacup full as you spent the day reading in the sun.

One day as you sat in your usual spot, a man walked past the library window and saw the most enchanting person he had ever seen. The way you red hair shimmered in the sunlight absolutely enchanted Shingen. Boy oh, boy did Shingen lose his heart to you the second your beautiful blue eyes met his. You gave him a small smile and went back to the young adult romance book you were reading. As you carried on reading your mind couldn’t help but drift to the mysterious man that you had seen through the window. You wondered if you would ever get a chance to see him again, and if hearing your thoughts, fate intervened

The next day you went to the library after work as per usual, the owner had told you that they had just gotten in a new shipment of YA books, and gestured to the top shelf. Honestly, you weren’t the tallest of people so you opted to climb a few of the shelves, so you could reach the books. You had no intention of asking anyone for help, as you were a strong independent woman. You carefully made your way to the top, gripping the small groves between the shelves for support. Just as you reached out to grab a book, your footing slipped, and you went tumbling down. You braced yourself for impact, yet it never came. When you cracked open your eyes, you saw two deep brown eyes and a gorgeous smile staring back at you, “Careful my angel, can’t have you falling down and injuring yourself, now can we.” 

He gently set you down on the ground, and the two of you got to chatting. You were incredibly social, and you loved meeting and chatting to new people. You couldn’t help but laugh and Shingen’s cheesy pick-up lines and his flirtatious way of talking. He definitely caught your interest, especially when you spotted him holding a book about history, and not just any history, English history. That afternoon was spent with the two of you excitingly talking about the historical events and figure of all the different places the two of you had read about. 

The next day you took up residence in your usual spot, when Shinegn walked into the library and took a seat next to you, to read a book of his own. This had become somewhat of a daily occurrence. You and Shingen would sit in your usual spot in the library near each other and just read. 

Some days the two of you would just sit and read without saying a single word, yet other days the two of you would sit for hours and hours in the tea-house discussing everything and anything, from new books read, to the most random of topics.

Shingen wasn't the only friend you had managed to make when leaving the castle to spend the day in the markets. You had soon after your arrival also met Yukimura and Sasuke, and the three of you became quick friends. You absolutely loved to banter and bicker with Yuki and completely geek out with Sasuke over history. Honestly, the three of you acted like a siblings. 

One day while you stopped by at Yuki’s stall for your daily bickering match, he let it slip that Sasuke’s birthday was coming up. Your eyes gleamed in delight at the mention of your friend’s birthday, “Yuki, I know just how we can celebrate his birthday!” You and Yuki spent many afternoons together planning a birthday surprise for Sasuke. You absolutely loved parties and hosting events, so you were absolutely in your element, planning out every detail. You, of course, left the guest list up to Yukimura cause he had told you that Sasuke had many friends that didn’t exactly live in Azuchi.

The night of the party, you were having the best time, Sasuke was so surprised that you and Yuki had managed to pull off such a big bash right under his nose. You were walking around mingling with all his friends when a familiar man caught your attention, was that…. Shingen? You walked up to the gorgeous man, “well well well fancy meeting you here.” You smiled at the sight of Shingen being caught off guard, “I was wondering what kind of celestial being would be able to pull off such a big bash right under our enemies noses, and I must say to find out that it was all your doing doesn’t surprise me.” Before you could answer Yuki and Sasuke came up to the two of you. Sasuke and Yuki were busy introducing Shingen to you when you, shocked them both with the revelation that the two of you had actually been spending the past few months together, reading and chatting in the library. You and Shingen spent the whole party together just chatting and joking away

Shingen realized that night that he had long ago fallen in love with you. He loved your bubbly social personality, he loved the way the two of you could just sit in comfortable silence for hours and hours not talking but just simply enjoying the presence of each other. He loved how confident and intelligent you were and how you hated asking for assistance/help of any kind. He just simply loved you. He was determined after that night to tell you exactly how he felt.

He knew from the many conversations the two of you had shared that you loved to travel and explore historical sites. So a few weeks after Sasuke’s party, he met you at your usual spot in the book shop. He gently took your hand in his, and lead you outside to a waiting horse. The two of you rode for what felt like hours, when you finally arrived at Kasugayama Castle. Sasuke had suggested to Shingen that he show you his home, as Sasuke knew you would absolutely love to see the home of another warlord, as it is low key considered a historical site in the future. The last stop of your sightseeing visit was Shingen’s room, which was full of the coolest historical artefacts. 

He made the two of you some tea, and you sat down across from him slightly exhausted from a full day of fun adventures. After tea, Shingen walked you to your room, as it was already too late to take you back home. The two of you stopped in front of the door, neither one wanting to part from the other just yet. That’s when Shingen took your hands in his and leaned in close and confessed his feeling for you. He couldn’t even finish his cheesy flirty confession, as before he knew it your arms were wrapped around his neck and you had captured his lips in a sweet kiss.

You decided to stay in Kasugayama Castle for a little while longer, sending word to Nobunaga and the other to let them know you were safe. Shingen loved finding our new thing about you every day. Like your love for baking, he had quite the sweet tooth and to find out that his goddess could satisfy that sweet tooth with delicious pastries, made his heart soar. He loved it when you would surprise him with your latest creation, after being inspired to try out a cool new recipe that piqued your interest. He loved how you could never sit still and always had something to keep you busy.

The two of you continued your tradition of reading together, expect the only difference was, now that you were together Shingen would insist you sit in his lap and read so that he could hold his goddess in his arms. 

This man will shower you in endless amounts of affection and attention. THB you loved it at Kasugayama Castle, as there was a social gathering almost every night. Whenever you would need to recharge your social battery, Shingen would be by your side in an instant, silently leading you away from the banquet so that the two of you could spent the rest of the evening in peace.

What did Shingen love the most about you? Well that easy, he loved that you would sleep in late into the mornings, especially if the two of you had had a late night staying up together. He loved to just lay there and watch that beautiful sleeping face of yours, while he gently rubs small circles on your back. 

He loved how you would wake up slowly and turn around in his arms while nuzzling into his chest to shield your eyes from the sun streaming into the room, to give your self 5 more minutes of sleep. He would tighten his embrace and trail small kisses from the top of your head, making his way down to your forehead, each of your eyelids, nose and finally lips, while whispering a sweet good morning. These quiet, warm moments with you every morning were beyond compare his favourite.

Other potential matches……………. Nobunaga 

I hope you enjoyed this dear❤🌻!

[devil-in-those-eyes]

Sweetheart Part4-Ben Hardy

Hi guys! I’m back from vacation, which means next part! I hope you guys have been enjoying this, because I have! Keep the thoughts coming, please reblog, toss a like my way or message me! I love hearing your opinions! 

Here are the links for Part 1 Part 2 and Part 3

** also considering doing a final two parts of Return the Favor, give me your thoughts on that!

Warnings: slight smut. Female receiving oral.

           ~~

You couldn’t stop thinking about his question as you retreated back to your room, trying to disappear and not dig a hole, only for you to climb into it and not come out for the next century. Had you moaned out loud? Did you really moan out his name, only for him to hear? It was his fault. You blamed him for unfolding all of the memories with his little pet name for you, for sending touches your way during the football game between you and Chris. You were doing fine until you came home. You didn’t have all of this pent up emotion until you saw him again.

           “Morning, love.” Your dad answered as you walked up the stairs, heading to your room.

           “Hey, dad,” you said, your voice gravelly from sleep. Your knees and legs ached, along with your ass, from playing a sport you hadn’t actually played in a long time, but you found yourself loving the rough stretch of muscles instead of hating it.

           He stood at the top of the steps and you stood a couple steps below him, he crossed his arms over his chest, “Sleep alright on the couch?”

           “Football must have worn me out more than I thought,” you answered. “Headed back to bed.”

           Your dad smiled down at you, “Been a long time since I watched you play.”

           “Morning, Mr. Y/L/N,” Ben’s low voice traveled up the stairs behind you and you gripped the railing tightly as he came to stand behind you.

           “Ben,” your dad answered and stepped to the side, letting you both walk up and onto the second floor before he slipped past both of you and headed down the stairs.

           You glanced towards your sister’s bedroom door and saw it was still shut, along with your brother’s, knowing full and well that your siblings wouldn’t be up until at least ten in the morning, so you still had a chance to catch more sleep before your sister demanded on going shopping for a new outfit, along with your mum’s birthday present.

           Just as you reached your door, your stomach swirling with butterflies, Ben slid up behind you and whispered in your ear, “So, how often do you have dreams like that?”

           Sirens began going off inside your head so you twisted the doorknob and kept your eyes ahead, “Go back to bed, Ben.”

           He hummed, “Don’t really think I can do that, sweetheart.”

           You almost gasped at that fucking pet name. You pushed your door open and turned around while standing in the doorway, “Stop calling me that.”

           He smirked down at you, “I’m going to keep calling you that, so I suggest you find a way to deal with it.”

           Your lips parted, anger and annoyance filling your head, but you never got the chance to tell him how much of a condescending dickwad he was being because he pushed his way into your room. Moving towards you until he had enough room to shut your room and lock it, while keeping his eyes on you. “What’re you doing?” You hissed.

           “What were you dreaming about?” He asked, ignoring your question. He backed you up slowly as your heart quickened inside your chest, “Was it the time we had the house to ourselves? Or… the time you begged me to fuck you in the back seat of my car?”

           “Ben,” you murmured. You weren’t supposed to sound so pathetic, so winded, but he just had that affect over you and you were still trying to figure out why nothing had changed since you left for the states.

           “I think about it all the time,” he smirked, his eyes raking up your body while he brushed the back of his hand down your neck, slowly brushing his fingertips over your collarbone. “Years later and I still think about you.”

           His words sounded just as pathetic as your own, sounded winded and almost in wonder. Like he couldn’t understand the type of hold you had over him, like he couldn’t understand why he spent the last couple years missing you, wondering about you.

           At this point the bottoms of your thighs brushed against the edge of your bed. The emotions in your body took over any rational thought of pushing Ben out of your bedroom when his nose nudged yours. Yours eyes slid shut and you leaned into the hand that was now cupping the back of your head. You were standing so close together that your chests brushed together as you both struggled to breathe.

           It felt like absolutely forever before his lips pressed to yours, both of you savoring in the moment. Him savoring in the moment of you giving in to him and you savoring in the moment of how he still made you feel. What made Ben finally kiss you was your hand that reached between your bodies and fisted his shirt, a silent beg of Please, and he did. A gasp filled the quiet air of your room as his lips closed over yours. You felt the upwards tilt of his mouth as he smiled against your lips, one that slowly broke apart when your fist tugged at his shirt. His hand that cradled your head tangled in your hair and held you tight against him, his tongue sweeping over your lips before diving in and brushing against your tongue, tasting you in every way.

           It was surreal being back in your room with Ben, kissing him and sighing into each others mouths. You felt like you were seventeen again, right before he left for UNI. Back when it all seemed simple between the two of you. You had only slept with him twice, but it was the moments in between that built it up, the small knowing looks, little touches when no one else was looking. The small words he’d whisper into your ear when you two were alone. It all led up to the big moments like this and it felt like Déjà vu.

           His hands lifted the t-shirt you were wearing and he pulled away when you took it off, his lips going straight for your neck while his fingers worked quickly on unsnapping your bra. He sighed into your collarbone as his hands rested on your ribs, waiting for you to pull off your bra and when you did it was like the best moment of his life. He groaned lowly and bent his neck so he could wrap his lips around your nipple, going straight for a swipe of the tongue and nibble of his teeth, his other hand pinching your other nipple.

           Waves of pleasure rippled through you as you touched the back of his head, wanting to keep his attention on your chest. You knew you had to keep quiet, especially if you wanted too keep going further, but it was so hard with his warm mouth doing delicious things to your chest. You whined and pressed your hips into his as his mouth grazed over the middle of your chest towards your other nipple. Ben gave it the same attention before letting your nipple go with a pop.

           “Get on the bed,” he demanded. His words were hushed and quiet, but you could hear the tone and it made your thighs clench.

           Ben watched you get on the bed, topless and ready for him to cover you with his body but he had other plans for you. He took your ankles and tugged harshly until your ass nearly hung off the side of the bed, shushing you with a grin as he squealed quietly. As he pressed his hands into the bed, on either side of your hips, and kissed your stomach you realized where this was going. You touched his cheeks, “Ben.”

           His fingers curled in the waistband of your leggings, tugging them down with your underwear while keeping his eyes on you. The look in his eyes knocked the air from your lungs, his pupils were blown wide and his lips were pink from your lips. He stepped back and pulled your clothes off of your legs, tossing them onto the floor before getting on his knees and taking in the sight before him.

           He ran his hands over your thighs, pushing them wide open before setting his sights on your bare center, glistening with your arousal. Your head dropped back onto your bed as he kissed the skin of your thigh, sucking in a deep breath. His tongue reached out for a kitten lick at your folds. He closed his eyes and groaned, “Nothing compares to this, no one compares to the taste of you, sweetheart.”

           Your bed arched at the low grumbled of the pet name. Hearing him call you that brought back another wave of emotions, but all of that faded away as his warm breath fanned over your clit as he spread you open for him so he could take a long swipe of your clit. Your mouth hung open, fingers in his hair, as he groaned lowly. You watched as his lips rolled into the back of his head, a look of utter pleasure on his face as his lips closed around your clit and sucked. Pleasure rocked through your body in soft waves, the need and desire to let go was a slow build despite doing it in a house full of family members, he seemed content with just taking his time with you. His eyes burning holes into you as he watched your chest rise and fall rapidly, biting your lip and screwing your eyes shut in attempt to keep quiet.

           Ben’s mouth left your center and you opened your eyes, shocked at the loss of his tongue flicking against your clit, just in time to see Ben getting up from his spot on your floor. His hard cock straining against the waistband of his pants, cheeks flushed and eyes blown out as if giving you pleasure was pleasuring him just as much. He leaned over your body and stared down at you, a hand beside your head and another dancing across your naked lower half.

           “Fuck, I think about you so much, Y/N,” he groaned lowly, his words dancing across your face as his finger brushed against your clit, your legs starting to shake as he pushed a finger inside, filling you up with his thick digits.

           “Ben, please,” your hands fisted his shirt, shaking your head while his finger slowly started to thrust inside of you. “I can’t hold it in…”

           “Yes,” he added another finger, “you can.” He pressed his lips to yours to smother another sigh of pleasure. Your hips started meeting the thrusts of his fingers, the pleasure building higher and higher. His tongue swept inside your mouth and took another taste of you, tingles shot through your body and your twisted his shirt harder. “You’re so wet.” He groaned against your mouth, “Fuck, I’ve missed this.”

           “Y/N!” your mum called out from behind your door and you felt your whole body tense up, but then Ben flicked his thumb against your clit while his fingers took a harder and faster pace and your legs continued to shake around Ben’s waist. “Your dad wants to know what you want for breakfast.”

           You stared into Ben’s eyes as he smirked down at you. Your lips were parted, taking in quick breaths and you shook your head, both hands going between your legs to grip onto his arm in attempt to stop him but it didn’t work, nor did he care. He leaned down, “Answer her.” He gruffly demanded.

           He slowed down his pace to lazy thrusts, but didn’t stop his thumb from brushing against your clit. Your orgasm was close, so close, and you were worried that if you spoke, it would be in that moment that your orgasm broke apart. “I’m not hungry, mum!” you rushed out, craning your head up to smother yourself in Ben’s warmth. You felt a rush of air on your neck as Ben chuckled into your skin.

           “You sure?” your mum pressed just as Ben wrapped his lips around a harden nipple, sucking and flicking his tongue and making it hard for you to form words.

           Ben flicked his thumb harder against your clit, causing  rush of wetness and a quiet whimper to slip past your lips as he continued his assault on your body, with your mum right outside your door. “Yes, I’m sure!” you called out, willing her to leave. Your whole body was on fire at this point and all you wanted to do was teeter over that edge and fall into bliss.

           “Okay, love.” Your mum answered as she walked away.

           Ben released your nipple with a dirty pop and stared up at you as his lips ghosted over the skin of your chest. He smirked and slid up until his mouth as at your ear, his fingers slowly moving back to their unforgiving pace. “You naughty girl,” he groaned, “you like the idea of almost being caught, don’t you?”

           You dug your nails into his arm in response. Yes, fuck me, I liked it you wanted to scream but you held in your moans. The sheets twisted beside your head as Ben’s grip on them became harsher. “You got so much wetter when I forced you to answer her.”

           “Ben, please,” you whined into his ear, needing the release.

           He groaned. The sound hitting your ear and making you screw your eyes shut while it caused a wave of pleasure to rush over you. He pulled back just far enough to stare down at you and breath you in. Your eyes were squeezed shut, lips pressed together while your teeth latched onto your bottom lip, trying to contain it all.

           Fuck, I’ve missed her. He thought to himself and felt his chest swell as your eyelids lifted and you locked eyes with him, ready to beg for it. Normally, he’d love to hear you beg, but your brother would be getting up soon and he would get suspicious. He’d make you beg another time. As Ben flicked harder at your clit, his pace unfaltering, he pushed his other hand until it was covering your mouth, ready to muffle any sounds. He lowered his head and started giving your hardened nipples the attention they craved.

           The coil of your orgasm snapped and he fucked you through your orgasm, his fingers curling just slightly and hitting that one spot that made everything brighter, hotter, and just all around more. Your whimpers smothered by his heavy hand, he stared and watched you unravel beneath him, the heat of his gaze prolonging your orgasm. As you slowly came down from your high, his mouth became gentler and moved to soft licks and kisses. His fingers slowing down to a slower and softer pace.

           Your shaking legs lowered to the bed and you let go of his forearm, your whole body melting into the bed. Shivers mixed with flames rushed up your body as Ben kissed up your chest, over the edge of your jaw and to your lips. You sighed into his mouth as he withdrew his fingers, settling his grip on your hip while his mouth kissed yours lazily. The kisses were sweet, and without tongue and it made you wonder what was supposed to happen next. As he lowered his chest to yours, moaning softly as your fingers pressed into his scalp, you felt his warmth wrap around you. Along with his hard cock straining between your hips. You smirked against his mouth and traveled your hands lower, ready to offer him the same pleasure.

           “Not right now, sweetheart.” He whispered, his hips drawing back and his hand leaving your hip to stop your wrists.

           “Why not?” you squirmed beneath him, wanting to feel him in your hands, or inside your mouth, which ever happened first.

           He stared into your eyes and smiled softly, “We don’t have enough time.”

           Ben pulled off of you, standing tall above you and leaving you to feel cold. You heard your sister’s bedroom door open just next to your room and you glanced to the wall, the one you shared with her. Embarrassment flooded you, what if she heard you? Had you been loud? God, you hoped not. As you sat up on your bed, still staring at the wall, Ben made his way back towards you. He wrapped his fingers in your hair and tilted your head to look up at him. He smiled and promised, “We’re nowhere near done, sweetheart.”

           He pressed one last kiss to your lips before leaving your room and leaving you in there to wonder what the fuck was going on and why did you just let it happen?

TAGLIST: @luvborhap @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @quirkydeaky @rogerrhqpsody @jazzman-19 @manuosorioh @bellamy1998 @bubblypenguin123 @groovyhoundbanditduck @ixchel-9275 @radiob-l-a-hblah @orchideax @mrsmazzello @theyrealllegends @killah-queeeen

[alarriefantasy]

Hey! Was wondering if you could do a rev specifically for “my brother’s best friend” or “my best friend’s brother” ? Would really appreciate it! Thanks a lot! ❤️

I love this concept a whole bunch!!!!! Yes, I do have recs! :) :) :)

    Sibling’s Best Friend / Best Friend’s Sibling Fic Rec 

I Still Believe It's You and Me by Stylinsonvodka

Words: 1k

The one where Louis is fifteen and pretty as hell and takes it upon himself to seduce his best friends older brother.

Best friends brother💙 by heyidkyay

Words: 2k

Harry and Lottie had been best friends since they were little, they told eachother everything, even the embarrassing stuff like liking your best friends older brother! When Lottie’s older brother, Louis, returns from uni will he look at Harry any differently or will he still see the same boy he left behind?

Turn The Lights Out by 1DirectionGaySmut

Words: 3k

Or the one where Louis gets fucked by his best friend’s older brother.

Girl Crush by writingstylinson

Words: 3k

Marcela is nothing more than Gemma's little nerdy sister. Louise is one of Gemma's best friend.

Marcela and Louise are in totally opposite worlds until they aren't. Thank you, Tumblr.

We'll be late again by Niall_Princess_Horan

Words: 3k

PROMPT -omega (or normal au) louis aka bottom louis is a cutie and adorable, and harry styles (alpha aka top) his older brother's best friend start noticing him and whatever and is a over protective, jealous and lovable cuteass boyfriend ho worships louis and louis is has low self esteem and he helps him idk louis is smol and adorable HEIGHT DIFFERENCE bye

harder to hide than i thought by dangerbears

Words: 6k

ridiculous self-indulgent high school au. louis's best friend's little brother suddenly got very attractive.

All Hearts Come Home For Christmas by itsprobablylarry

Words: 8k

Basically: Gemma brings ‘her boyfriend’, Louis, home for Christmas and her brother is really hot.

Be a Good Girl For Me by wannabebestseller

Words: 9k

Based on this prompt: “AU where Harry is Louis’ older brother’s best friend. He catches Louis dancing around his room in panties and blackmails him, saying that louis has to do anything he says or else he’ll tell Louis’ family that he wears girly underwear. Secretly soft for him, Harry gives him easy tasks and uses the whole thing to spend more time with Louis. Eventually, the orders begin to escalate and Harry teases Lou about his secret, making Louis shy and embarrassed. Louis loves the attention though, and forms a crush on his brother’s best friend. Lots of feminization, secret relationship, and enemies to lovers. Thank you!”

Dirty Little Secret by therogueskimo

Words: 10k

Or the one where Harry and Louis fall in love, but can’t figure out how to tell Gemma. That is, until Harry gets pregnant, and they don’t have much of a choice.

Promise To Treasure Me. by SS98

Words: 13k

“Leave me the Hell alone, Harry.” Louis grumbled; nobody needed a seer to sense his irritation. The boy had just gotten home from a poorly scheduled lecture on campus, to find his best friend’s brother also in the elevator.

Unfortunately for him, Harry is miles of persistence stuffed into a six foot three tattooed body that was the face of their university’s rugby team. Everyone loved him for his ability to dominate a game as the captain, and the dean thought Harry’s four year degree would not be enough. Harry is also the older brother to the only friend Louis had through high school, Gemma, which meant his shared apartment had to be opened up to this ghastly character as well.

“You do not get to insult me publicly and walk off.” Harry all but growled when he tried cornering Louis against the refrigerator.

Let Me Give You My Life by midnightskies 

Words: 14k

Gemma has one rule for Louis while he stays with her family at Christmas; not to hook up with her little brother, so of course that's the one thing Louis does.

i don't wanna be your friend, i wanna kiss your neck by crybaby

Words: 19k

Harry is a hopelessly romantic omega and Louis is his sister's best friend)

My Best Friend's Brother by RuinedBy5Guys

Words: 24k

This whole situation really started back around seventh grade when Gemma and Harry found it hilarious to sit me down and watch scary movies together. It always started off fine, but as soon as someone was whacked into pieces or running from some creepy guy, I would lose my shit. At first I didn’t think anything of it, considering boys never really seemed to pay much attention to me. But in my moment of fear, Harry always was right beside me. At first it was just casually sitting next to me, his leg pressed closed to mine, and his laughter addicting as soon as I would start to freak out. But then it turned into blanket sharing and our whole sides pressed together, while I strained my neck looking as far away from the TV as I could. Harry would play it off so casually, slipping his hand down onto mine and wrapping our fingers together, as if his sister wasn’t sitting right across from us on the other couch. I guess I should have realized then that I was getting myself into a pretty stupid situation. Because although I never admitted it until eight years later, I was falling hard for my best friends brother.

Pillow Talk by FallingLikeThis

Words: 25k

Or When Harry starts having confusing feelings for a male classmate, his sister's best friend, Louis, helps him figure himself out. Cue lots of kissing, sex, and falling in love.

darling, you give love a bad name by snowcaplou

Words: 28k

Louis' has been best friends with Gemma all his life in this stupid little town he's grown to hate. What happens when, after one night together with his best friend's brother, he falls pregnant? Surrounded by small minds and conservative cultures, Louis has to deal with parents that demand they do the "right" thing. Get married before anybody finds out.

Baby, What a Big Surprise by kiwikero

Words: 33k

Or, the one where shy, quiet Harry has no idea he's a carrier, and a one night stand with the most popular boy in school shows him just how wrong he was.

Featuring Lottie as Harry's best friend, Niall as her boyfriend, and, of course, Louis as the popular boy with a soft spot for his little sister's quirky friend.

With the Rising Sun by Tomlinsontoes

Words: 33k

Louis had been living in NYC for two years now while studying at NYU, and was probably the least social 21-year-old ever. Somehow he got roped into his sister's brilliant idea of getting her college best friend to help him branch out and meet people. Only there was one problem — Harry Styles is like the hottest thing on two legs and Louis' not ready to see a much older version of the boy who filled his fantasies as a teenager.

We Got The World Shaking by FutureMrsHaroldStyles

Words: 39k

Or the one where Harry goes into heat at his best friend Lottie's birthday party and her big brother helps him out.

Reeling Through The Fall by zarah5 

Words: 40k

AU. They hate each other. Except for when they don’t.

Lottie’s Brother by teenagedirtbag28

Words: 51k

The one where Harry Styles falls for his best friends older brother: Louis Tomlinson. When his best friend; Lottie finds out about his crush, she’s surprisingly not mad but wants to help Harry get closer to Louis, and make them fall in love.

Want You More Than A by TheCellarDoor

Words: 77k

Falling in love with your step-brother’s best friend is a disaster enough. When he happens to be the boy everyone loves and you’re a nerd who wears sweater vests and cries during rom-coms, it takes it to a whole new level.

It's Safer In The Dark by aace1234

Words: 79k

Louis Tomlinson is a 17 year old High School student who is constantly bullied. He is raised by his four older brothers and keeps them in the dark about his school life.

Harry Styles is a 20 year old who is repeating his Senior year of High school. He is extremely popular and is best friends with Louis older brother Niall.

Louis has a major crush on Harry. Does Harry feel the same way? Will Harry find out about what Louis is going through at school?

Best Friend's Brother by DirtyLarryStylinson

Words: 85k

When Harry Styles realises that his best friend, Liam, has an older brother hotter than the sun itself, how will he cope with the tension?

Bloodline by banana_louis

Words: 177k

Louis doesn't know how to feel when his best friend, Liam, finds out about a brother that he never knew, who was placed for adoption before he was born and is bursting into his life at twenty-four years old.

Louis is very wary of the man who might replace him. He has always thought of Liam as his own brother.

What if Liam doesn't need him anymore? What if there's no room for Louis? After all, blood runs thicker than water.

Louis doesn't like Liam's new brother and he doesn't even know him. That's irrelevant, though.

He doesn't like him. He doesn't trust him. He doesn't want him hanging around. He doesn't want anything to do with him.

That is, until he meets him.

♡ updated: 04.21.21

♡ credit to the owner of the manip

♡ past themed recs here

[bucky-iss-bae]

Numbing the Pain - Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

A/N: Sooo this was just me having some fun and trying to write something while once again procrastinating from Uni work (Deadlines are killing me xoxo) I’m also aware how dire this account has been lately, like I’ve got so much I want to post, and some requests to catch up with so I’m so sorry. This is just some bs to help my writing. 

But enjoyyyy xoxo 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader 

Fandom: MCU/Marvel

Prompts: Bucky x Fem!Reader Fluff/Angst Prompts: ‘You did what you had to do’ – ‘Why didn’t you just call me’ – ‘Stay here tonight’ 

Warnings: Drunkness - Some Angst 

Word count: 1700ish 

I want to hopefully write more shit like this to just gain confidence and get better so hope you all enjoy xoxo 

Masterlist Fandom list

Living in New York City wasn’t exactly the safest city, but Y/N knew her way around how to defend herself. Working with, and being friends with the Avengers made this a whole lot easier. Especially if they’re the ones who taught her how to fight.

It still didn’t stop her from getting scared at 3am when there was a loud banging on the door. She had her fair share of break-ins in the past, but now she was in a safer neighbourhood, heck she was even invited to live at the compound but chose against it. It also shook her up because this is New York City. There’s danger lurking everywhere, but when she wrapped her robe around herself and looked through the peephole, it was shocking to her seeing Bucky Barnes n the other side. His head hung, as he rested against the wall across from her apartment,

She sighed smiling to herself and shook her head but unlocked the door as he did Bucky looked up, a dopey smile on his face,

“Bucky” She sighed a small smile playing on her lips while leaning against her door frame, “What’re you doing here?”

“I...” He started, “I was in the neighbourhood. Thought I would come and say hi. You not happy to see me doll?”

Bucky and Y/Ns relationship was a tricky one at best. Neither had admitted their feelings for the other, but their interaction had always been something that showed they liked one another more than friends. Bucky treated her different, he was free with her, he laughed and joked with her without feeling like he was faking himself. She wasn’t afraid of him, she scolded him when needed when Bucky and Sam were acting like teenagers rather than grown men. She kept him on track and he the same to her. Calmed her down when she was frustrated or angry at a situation in her family, or when something happens to someone or something she cares a lot about. She had a bit of fire in her. Something that stood out compared to her usual composer. But bucky loved it, he loves how she stuck true to her word and her feelings, and nothing would compromise this.  

She snorted at his response, “Uh huh, I’m always happy to see you Barnes. Just not at 3am, when I think I’m getting burgled. And let's not forget your drunken state”

Bucky snorted, “You know, Thor would make a lot of money selling his stuff. But that’s illegal so I made the most of what I could, and then I went to a bar, and the stuff there Y/N, it tastes like water. And then the bartender said I couldn’t drink anymore, but I just wanted something a bit strong, and then, he called me a taxi. I didn’t want to go to the compound. You know Steves disappointing face. The frown and when he crosses his arms in that way. Reminds me of my mom whenever I done something wrong. Or when one of my sisters did. I tried to do it, but I always laughed. Steve, he could do it though. Whenever they done something stupid, he gave them that disappointing look, and they would apologise, and grovel for forgiveness, and do I look like I’ll be grovelling for forgiveness from Rogers anytime soon? Pftshh, Sam will use it against me for the rest of my life. You know how those smartphones work and he’ll whack one out, and start filming and I won’t know anything on how to stop him and...”

“Bucky” Y/N stopped him in his tracks, “Shh, you’ll wake up my neighbours. I don’t need Ms JoJo knocking on my door at 8am about how I’ve got these fells comin’ round at stupid o’clock, then she’ll give me that look you're on about alright. Now come inside” She nodded her head towards where her couch was waiting, most likely to soon be occupied by the very man stood in front of her.

He pushed himself off the wall only to stumble into Y/N and then her door, “Oops” He grumbled while trying to stand straight while holding onto Y/Ns arm.

Se looked down at his gloved metal hand and then his eyes, she bit her lip trying to stop a grin forming on her face, his face was only inches away from hers but she could see how drunk he really was,

“Bucky” She whispered putting her hand on top of the one holding onto her arm, “You’re very, very drunk right now. And never did I think I would see a drunk Bucky Barnes in my life. So, let's get you inside, let me get you some tea, and then get you to sleep”

He nodded at her not saying a word, instead staring into her eyes as if he were looking into her soul, “Your eyes are beautiful Y/N. Has anyone ever told you that?” He slurred out,

“Just you Bucky, just you”

Y/N had a soft smile on her face not feeling frustrated with Bucky at all, knowing he trusted her enough to look after him in his drunken state was something she was surprised at. She had seen him at both his best and worse. And now this weird place in between.

She managed to get Bucky inside he just decided to stumble into Y/N completely and put his arm around her so she could support his body.  

“God, what do they feed you” She grumbled while throwing him on the couch, he automatically just relaxed into it, taking off his glove and throwing it anywhere. He then toed off his boots and made himself comfortable while Y/N went to get that mug of tea. She boiled the green tea on the stove with some green tea, tea bags knowing this often helped him sleep at night before she went to sit with him and handed him a glass of water.

“Bucky” She whispered, cupping his right cheek, “Tell me, what happened tonight”

He just grumbled incoherently enjoying the warmth of her hand on his cold skin,

“Hey” She called again, sitting on both knees in front of him, getting him to look at her, “Are you ok?”

She could tell how his body language had changed, his face had just collapsed almost,

“It would’ve been my mom’s birthday today” He whispered, “And I miss them. All of them. You know I had 3 younger siblings. And it was hard work looking after them to make sure my mom didn’t overdo it yano. I... sometimes dream about them. Well, I think it’s them. I don’t really remember those dreams.” He had managed to get Y/N tucked under his arm, she was cuddled into her side, “Don’t really remember what they look like. I remember the layout of our house, but can’t visualise it. And the way my mom smelt, I’ll never forget that or how my younger sister always wanted me to teach her how to box, I was a champion yano that Y/N, I worked hard at everything I have done to be thrown into the future where none of my family are” His eyes were sad and dark, Y/N just let him talk, she could feel the way his chest was slowly rising and falling,

“I just wanted a way to numb the pain. And when the alcohol couldn’t do it, figured you could”

“You done what you had to do Buck. But why didn’t you just call me?” Y/N asked him,  

“Figured you’d be asleep and I didn’t want ya driving around town at this time of night”

“You woke me up anyway didn’t you?” She grinned while nudging his side, “Now let me go so I can get your tea” She said though in reality, she didn’t want his arms to leave her.

As if he read her mind his arms just tightened around her, “Hmm, I think I like you like this though Y/N”

“I think I do as well Buck. But I also know that the only way I’ll get you to get a little sober is with Tea”

He then reluctantly let her go but only to stand up with her and lean himself against her again to the kitchen,

“Why do you do this for me Y/N?”

“Why not buck?”

“I know but you just... you’re too good to me sometimes” He grumbled into her hair,

She laughed at that statement, “How am I too good to you?”

“You... look after me. You just... had this thing about you and it sounds stupid but you make me feel safe”

She smiled at that, and turned down the boiling water before starting on his tea,

“You wanna hear something stupid?” She asked him before turning to him, “you make me feel safe as well”

A smile broke out on his face and instead of saying anything back he leaned down to kiss the top of her head,

She then wordlessly gave him his mug and took it before he nearly spilt the contents and gave it to him again when he was sat down, both of them closer than before.

“Thank you Y/N. For everything”

“Anytime Bucky. 3am, or 3pm. I’m here for you”

“Don’t worry, I’ll go as soon as I’ve finished this”

She snorted at that statement, “James Buchanan Barnes. If you think, I’m letting you leave here tonight. You can think again” She used her stern playful voice, stern because she used his full name, playful because she had a smile on her lips, one she was hoping he would miss, but nothing would make him miss that smile. One that made him feel infinitely better.

“Calm down doll. If you wanted me to stay the night you should’ve just said”

“Alright, I will. You stay with me tonight, and there’s nothing you can do about it Barnes”

He laughed at that, he knew coming here would be the right decision, especially since he knew she made everything better for him,

“You’re not going to leave me out here alone though are you Y/N” He joked his voice light and flirty,

He felt her head shake, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Barnes. You make me feel safe. So I gotta keep you close. Especially in this city”

He chuckled at that feeling content at her words.

**

A/N: As I said, not my best work, nothing is right now considering I’m just splitting my concentration and decided to post 3 fics in one night because I’m avoiding everything in life rn banter though 30 days left of university forever, also 

If anyone wants to request anything, just send me the request and I'll try my best - you can send your own prompts or grab them from what I’ve already posted. 

[memorylang]

Easter Epilogue in America | #35 | April 2020

Friday, March 6, 2020, I disembarked in North Las Vegas, Nevada, to a home I hadn’t lived in since high school 2015. I’ve been here a couple months now, by time of writing. 

With today’s stories, I bring you from my first days and weeks back in the States through April’s end. I share reverse culture’s shock’s role in my readjustment to Vegas life, as COVID-19 grew across the States. But I’m a hopeful man, so you know my stories end well. 

As a good friend reminded me the night I learned all Peace Corps Volunteers had to go, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in His way" (Psalm 37:23). Consider this the epilogue to my very fruitful, memorable, and—dare I write—life-changing adventures. I've no regrets. 

Overture

Week 1 (March 6-12) was a blessing, having just returned to an America vaguely like the one I knew. Gosh, I love fruit. Thankfully, a few friends saw me. 

Then Week 2 (March 13-19) brought big changes and new deadlines. But, meanwhile, Week 3 (March 20-26) began my home improvement operations. The following weekend saw a drive to Reno to see my 19-year-old sister at uni. 

Weeks 4 and 5 (March 27-April 9) saw my 21-year-old sister visit Vegas from LA, starting with the 24th birthday of my older brother and ending after Easter Sunday. 

Week 6 (April 10-16) began with Holy Week, then driving Sister back to LA, followed by the restart to fitness routines. My routines expanded, Week 7 (April 17-23). Week 8 (April 24-30), Dad visited that weekend, so I braved minor puncture wounds from yard work with him plus an excruciating medical procedure. Fitness routines continued, and I shifted my diet from a fruit obsession to increasing my protein intake. 

Week 9 (May 1-7) began by closing loose ends with my Peace Corps stories. I’ve begun next steps while home, as we lead into Mothers’ Day. 

Landing—Returned to Vegas

From tens of thousands of feet in the air, I felt the end of an era. Nine Mongolian months ended. 

The midday we landed, I wanted to get up and leave elsewhere, not to the house in Vegas. 

I’m an English teacher. It’s a school day. I should be teaching. 

My 18-year-old high school senior brother picked me up from the airport. Haha, he said he skipped English class to get me. Dad seemed upset that my bro missed class, but Bro had stable senioritis, with college plans secured. I loved the irony of skipping class to get a teacher. 

Neighborhood in Reverse Culture Shock

A few hours after we came home, I went forth to community walk around the neighborhood, trying to make sense of things. 

“Hello, how are you?” said someone in passing. “Oh, doing great,” I replied in usual fashion. 

Well, I wasn't [doing great]. 

As I walked I weighed how when I used to live in Vegas, in 2015, I was more concerned with, what's the newest game? What's the latest episode? Yet now I feel more detached, less purposeful. I continued on to the park. 

I love the fragrances and fresh air beneath the trees. I lied in the grass. 

In another way, I felt, I only tolerated Vegas. There's more for me out there. There are so many cities and places with people I'd rather see and be with. 

But God is with me here, too. It's the second Friday of Lent. 

School buses drove by as I walked home a couple hours later. Middle schoolers walked and biked my neighborhood. (Was it my neighborhood? I'd hardly reintegrated...) 

Middle schoolers jeered to each other about whatever. Some kids probably had crushes on each other but felt too shy to speak up, uncomfortable with the status quo. I felt like a watcher no longer a participant. Yet I was them, here, 10 years ago. 

I had some dinner then slept shortly after, from 6:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. in our home’s guest bed. There I realized, I might be sleeping here a while. 

Strange Days Ahead

By Saturday morning, my first one waking at home, I still felt I’d feel lonely without my senior cohort if I came back to Mongolia. Thankfully at least a half dozen said they plan to return. And senior cohort members who continued keeping in touch with me were great comforts. I still felt encouraged to apply to be a Resource Volunteer, sometime after conquering my 16-hour jet lag. 

“Frozen II” tracks from the day before looped in my head most mornings. Film themes of change, grief and controlling the few things we can felt uncommonly personal. From Saturday on, I looped English and Chinese tracks from “Frozen II” while coping with being home. One jetlagged 3 a.m. morning, I even transcribed and translated the tracks between languages. 

Later Saturday morning, I walked back to the park. I spotted a tree. So I climbed it. Surprisingly my park had a sturdy one. Who knew? The tree’s been here all the dozen years my family has... 

Atop its branches, I felt I might wake up from a dream and be back in Mongolia the next day. 

I felt still reeling from my bewildering first Peace Corps Week. From seven days ago, I left my Mongolian city, came among nearly 100 fellow Volunteers, joined half on a journey across Europe, then found myself back in Vegas with my four siblings still in school. So mystic. 

American Culture Redux

I’d jot general musings about culture during these first days back in the States. 

We say, “Pardon me,” as though the mere act of engaging a stranger in conversation might offend against a stranger’s time. 

In the West, we highly value possessions, and we treat time itself as something to possess. 

In the States, we travel separately to functions. We might chit chat some before or after. Then we part ways to do whatever we’ve already scheduled. 

I wondered if I should ask to visit people or accompany them. Would that be weird? I felt my integration habits of Peace Corps lingered. But I considered, I still had plenty I could do by myself, like taking time to process my sudden evacuation.

In the States, we decide against reaching out to people. Perhaps we fear simple greetings to friends, with nothing more, might impose on their time. On the flip side, I receive multiple messages per week from Mongolians simply writing to say good morning or hello—so pleasant. I should cherish others’ care, never reject. 

Resettling In

I cut my hand dropping down the tree, so I applied pressure, elevated the wound and headed home to clean and bandage it. I felt weirdly at ease, remembering Peace Corps health trainings. I recalled “Dear Evan Hansen,” too. 

My family was busy with life, so the house felt rather quiet and still most hours. Already, though, I brainstormed ways to keep busy as a Peace Corps Volunteer on admin hold. 

I began by finishing my Peace Corps blog stories. The day after, I’d already have my newest online, “Trilingual Adventures, My First Mongolian Winter | #22 | January 2020.” Coincidentally, that story was my last from before Coronavirus quarantines in Mongolia began. 

Mongolian friends still messaged me every so often. They're so kind. I hoped they wouldn’t lose hope I'll return. [Nine weeks later, they’re still hopeful.] Meanwhile, I still wanted to search for a Vegas Mongolians Facebook group when my jet lag was up and I felt ready to start speaking Mongolian again.

I considered planning a trip to my alma mater in Reno, Nev. for a week later that month, once I settled more into the States’ routines. On the topic of routines, I decided maybe I'd visit church most weekdays to establish some semblance. I'd help my folks as best I could, so I’d still feel like I'm serving somebody. I even thought of getting my 23-year-old brother's bike repaired, to borrow it every so often! 

To end that reflective weekend, later that Saturday, my little brother drove me to the bank to deposit the funds I withdrew earlier that week in Mongolia. Then he treated me to my first American fast-food in a while. I attended Mass for the first time in weeks that evening. On Sunday, I marveled at seeing free to-go boxes, when Dad’s fiancée’s family invited my brother and I to celebrate the oldest daughter’s birthday. I enjoyed my first Thai tea in a long while. 

That week, I frequented daily morning prayer, rosary and Masses at church. Then walked around the community and continued blog tales either from the public library or from a local Starbucks (coincidentally the same one in which Black Friday 2018 I committed to Peace Corps service). On separate days, a couple friends also reconnected with me. I attended Mass seven of eight days this period, returning to Reconciliation that final Saturday and dreaming dreams most every night two weeks thereafter. 

Peace Corps Global Evacuation

Week 2 (March 13-19), my cohort learned we were being reclassified as being Returned Peace Corps Volunteers—as in, we’d officially completed our service. This followed with sudden paperwork, thankfully not due for a few weeks. This led to global headlines of all Peace Corps Volunteers coming home, too.

Between home projects to tidy the house or weed the yard, I joined up with the National Peace Corps Association group writing to our legislators to support Returned Peace Corps Volunteers worldwide. I spent the days preceding the Holy Triduum completing my final paperwork. 

I felt comforted nonetheless Peace Corps Mongolia insisted we could reinstate, assuming Mongolia’s situation resolves within the next year. I felt willing to take that bet. 

COVID-19 Escalates Across the States

My second week, church closed. I still frequented the park but felt amazed to see more people than usual. A couple more friends reconnected. 

A few weeks later, businesses shut down, schools closed, and I felt more adjusted. America was looking like the rest of the world. I trusted Americans generally had a good sense of sanitation practices, so I felt less concerned about establishments open. Mongolia lacked drive-throughs, so businesses there often closed outright. 

But my weekend between Weeks 3 and 4, March 26-28, felt the first time I heard how rapidly COVID-19 escalated in the States. My little brother played podcasts as we drove to deliver supplies to our uni sister sheltering in Reno. From the news, I heard the U.S. now led the world in Coronavirus cases. That sounded bad. I felt especially baffled hearing that Nevada, with a population slightly less than Mongolia’s, topped over 100 times as many cases. I felt more at risk in the States! 

During the trip, I also encountered American jargon, like, “Out of/due to an abundance of caution…,” “social distancing” and “Flatten the curve.” I felt critical of whether many Nevadans really knew what the jargon meant, considering how many cars remained on the road, how close people gathered in parks and how shoppers hardly kept distance. Though, I also recognized that Mongolian media might have used similar stock phrases that I just didn’t know... Nonetheless, Mongolians officials seemed more willing to pause operations to let health workers build capacity, and citizens tended to comply. 

If any last brave friends wanted to see me, the closest we got to physical touch was to raise our feet toward each other and bump our shoes, as bros might fist bump or clasp hands. I commented touching each other’s feet together in Mongolia would’ve been a serious taboo, hehe. Still, I left those as my last in-person meet-ups to #StayHome and limit concerning others.  

Perks of Being American

At home, my time zone matched most friends’ again, which made phone and video calls so feasible. I chatted with whoever reached out or replied to my outreach, which led to lovely chats with relatives, mentors, past classmates, fellow Peace Corps evacuees and more. 

Introverted friends inspired me much when I checked in with them. They joyously shared how much time they’ve had for uninterrupted time to themselves and work from home. Introverts often touch my soul. 

Being an ambivert feels weird for me sometimes, in how I straddle both sides. Extroverts often seem the ones I want, but introverts seem the ones I need. Nowadays, when being extroverted takes the effort, I find inspiration flowing from introverted bliss. 

Community members I met in Mongolia continued keeping in touch with me, which helped me remember and stay close to my prayerful Lenten commitment to consult God on my projects. 

Easter 2020 #WithMe with Family

My fourth week, my 21-year-old sister, the USC junior, flew in to celebrate our older bro’s 24th birthday. She brought her Nintendo Switch, so I soaked up the fun of “Super Smash Bros. Ultimate,” Nintendo’s “ARMS” demo and Jackbox Games with the family. After unis went online, our older bro transitioned to quarantine with his girlfriend and her sisters, but he still visited to celebrate his birthday with us. 

I also felt joyful during Holy Week when the World Youth Day 2019 Mass soundtrack appeared on Spotify. It was an incredible choral and rhythmic masterpiece I never thought I’d hear again. I recently learned, too, a childhood best friend would receive confirmation this year—magnificent!

As on Sundays, I saw the Lent and Holy Week services on YouTube, between channels like Shalom World with Pope Francis, Ascension Presents with Fr. Mike Schmitz, Word on Fire with Bishop Barron, and Our Lady of Wisdom Newman Center with Fr. Nathan Mamo. A Kansan relative joked how COVID-19’s let us “attend” Mass in our jeans, haha. Dad’s fiancée and I talked about the newfound freedom to just choose any online pastor per week. 

My Easter 2020 apex came Good Friday. I felt moved by the Vatican’s Way of the Cross, which read Italian reflections written by incarcerated and those whose lives they affected or whose lives affect them. They reminded me, for many of us, COVID-19 is nothing compared to the ‘normal’ sufferings of those behind bars, starving for hope. 

Renewed Motivation

After Easter Sunday, my lil’ bro and I returned Sister to L.A., Dad returned to work in northern Nevada, and Older Bro returned to sheltering away. So since the beginning of Easter, April 12, 2020, I’ve spent my days seeking to accelerate into a newer, more stable motivated state. 

I decided first to honor Dad’s suggestion to work-out and, with my lil’ bro’s help, added focused fitness to my days. I borrowed my siblings’ game system and games to finish one I started years ago while on the treadmill. I personally doubled-down on blog stories to get two through a week. And, setting up my new horizon after, I started looking back into language studies. Week 7 (April 17-23) added my return to polyphasic sleep to boost productivity. 

I’m a hopeful man. So some days, especially between 4 and 6 a.m., I draw or write stories about the ideal life I wish I could be living. This helps me delve into where my yearnings really are, mentally. After seeing “The Rise of Skywalker,” I even doodled an Avatar like Rey meditating in the air. Then I try giving my wants back up to God, accepting I can’t have all those things right now. Usually this process illuminates desires I hadn’t acknowledged before. 

I also recognize the steps I can take now to draw me closer to my future desires.

I spend idle thoughts when possible praying for others. I realize with so many people already praying for me, I needn’t worry about myself, since I’m taken care of. Instead, I should think to the ones who do not know the hope I feel. I wish some encounter might intrigue them and offer new peace. Such exercises remind me too of my privileges and help root me in my giving self. 

Ecclesiastical Latin’s been a fun quest toward greater knowledge. It bridges both Mongolian and Spanish grammar, while drawing vocabulary I’ve encountered across English, Spanish, Mandarin Chinese and Mongolian, too. Plus I understand church music better now. It’s a fun journey. I found regarding Church language that Mandarin and Mongolian more frequently transliterated straight from the Latin, where English and Spanish adapted. Fun reading. 

Five Months of Freedom

I read the soonest I might return to Peace Corps service in Mongolia would be October 2020. So, I’ll be here in the Pacific time zone for long, if you want to call someday. I’ve cherished my adventures and look forward to those ahead.

I’m ostensibly home for the summer, so I plan to write at least once monthly a new piece sharing unpublished bits from Mongolia, maybe a few new tales from American life, too. 

Hard to believe after packing my Mongolian apartment, evacuating in our caravan to the capital, saying so-long to many, flying around the world and finally landing in Vegas, I’d finish revising and editing these blog stories #22 through 38. I’d been drafting them for months, weeks and days! At last, we’ve caught up. 

So, as the days come, I’ll rise, read Scriptures, reflect, journal, chat with Asia, take to the treadmill, play some games, see some films or shows, try to eat well, try to work most muscles, try not to strain something, then return to writing, other reading, napping, showering, sorting, teeth-brushing, thinking and marveling. This leaves plenty of time to socialize. And I do miss you, wherever you shelter.

Keep in touch, Friend! 

Up next is a 2020 Mother’s Day reflection. 

You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)