#my sister watched me make this and went 'kobe!'

[wintergrofyuri]

where she belongs

[sorryiapologized]

"Son, are you a danger to yourself?"

*TW - Suicide.

I used to think adults were crazy, emotional, borderline psychotic for the ways they could destroy themselves for the people they love. Many of my parents own horrible life decisions -- ones that put me and my little sister in danger and through countless years of neglect and abuse -- stemmed from a desire to be loved by someone who couldn't care less.

Now, as an adult, when I hear this song I don't see my father disassociating with alcohol to forget his divorce or my mother ignoring the red flags in her pedophile boyfriends. Instead I see the time love knocked me off my feet and left me chasing after someone so hard I didn't even realize I was running away from myself.

I was 20 and in love with my best friend who at the time I thought was a girl. Everything I had been taught growing up told me this was wrong. I tried to push the feelings down, I tried to forget them. I drowned out the love I felt just as my father had done years before. But I found in the same painful way he did that there isn't enough booze in the world that can make you stop loving someone.

Eventually I gave in to the feelings. Not all the way. Not enough to physically kiss them, but enough to crave their presence, to smile at my phone whenever they remembered to text me. It was a wild rollercoaster of emotion. The high I felt when we would hang out couldn't even compare to the low I'd fall into when they'd start talking to some new guy on tinder.

I couldn't really blame them, though. I didn't come forward and tell them how I felt. Doing so would make it too real. If I confirmed my queerness with words I worried I would never be able to take it back. And if they didn't love me it would be all for nothing.

They started getting more serious with this one guy. Messaging every day. They would giggle at their phone. They thought he was so funny and so hot. They made plans to meet up with him in person. I begged them not to go. I couldn't say why. I made up some dumb reason like how meeting a guy from tinder was unsafe or something.

They left to get coffee and shared their location with me so I'd know they were safe. I watched them arrive at Starbucks, then eventually their location shifted to the guy's house. I knew what was going to happen. I became sick.

My love for them had consumed me to the point where I was very much a danger to myself, and I couldn't so much as even explain why. I hated myself for loving them, but more than that I hated myself for being a coward who couldn't tell them I did.

I drove to my dad's house. He was passed out hungover on the couch from the night before, watching the news coverage of Kobe Bryant's death. I tried to sooth myself with a bath, but ended up only crying naked on the bathroom floor. Every few minutes I would check their location. Still at the guy's house. They stayed there for hours.

It wasn't just the lovesickness that deteriorated my brain. I had been struggling for years with depression and anxiety. I had become an emotional punching bag for my other closest friend at the time. Mostly, though, I had no idea who I was. I worried whoever it was the hid inside of me was someone I never wanted to meet.

I went out to my car and sat with the exhaust running. It could have been minutes or hours. My dad never came out to check on me. I figured it might be kind of nice to die on the same day as Kobe. I took a handful of Zoloft pills and swallowed them. I waited in the car long enough for the pills to enter my system. Long enough that doctors couldn't purge me. I'd been through this before, I knew how to finish the job this time.

I didn't want my dad to find my body in the car so I drove to the hospital, where I could get attached to some good drugs and die in peace. I wasn't totally thinking clearly at the time I got there. They hooked me up to machines and I kept processing how it felt to die. Except I didn't die.

They sent me to a facility. Nobody contacted my family. I was gone for three days. If my friends and roommates noticed my absence they didn't care. Only my little sister started to worry on day three. She figured out where I was and my mom came to spring me out. They took me back to my grandmother's house to watch me and make sure I was no longer a danger to myself. It was a question I heard time and time again. From my mom, from my therapist, my psychiatrist, the police who escorted me to and from the clinic. I would never admit that I was. I think they only asked to legally clear themselves from responsibility when I did ultimately kill myself.

I remained dangerous. My best friend told me about how they hooked up with the guy. We got in a fight about it. I still couldn't admit why it bothered me. Instead I returned to my grandmother's house, waited until midnight, then walked down to the icy river the flowed just beyond her yard. I flung my body off the dock hoping the cold water would submerge and drown me, and wash my remains away from this world. Instead my adrenaline kicked in and I pulled myself out of the chilly water.

I understand, now, how love can make us dangerous. I understand the all consuming nature that comes with infatuation. Everyday I fear heartbreak will come back into my life like a dangerous wave until I no longer know who I am again.

A lot has changed since I tried to drown myself in the river. I found my courage and told my friend how I felt. They learned to love me, too. Maybe if I had grown up in a world where I wasn't led to believe loving someone else would make me a monster I wouldn't have turned into one.

[bubblyhoney]

can i request a fic where sapnap takes the reader to his hometown? like the classic going to places he went to when he was younger. maybe playgrounds and ice cream shops idk

places i used to go

warnings: language of course, an allusion to virginap, my uneducated guess of what sapnap was like in highschool, tiny detail of long haired!sapnap, singular canon detail of underage drinking, jokish about marriage

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

words: 2191

A/N: you are a god, anon. i love comfy and nostalgic fics like these and it was so fun to write. if you hate it dont tell me but if you like it lemme know akskdjd

inbox/requests: open

-

The wind whips fast on your bare fingers, cool and quick and raising goosebumps in its wake. You blink in the haze of the early sunset, head lolled to the side of the headrest. It feels good.

���That’s where I went to high school.” Sapnap interrupts your thoughts and points a finger at a collection of tall brick buildings down a side street. The silver of the lettering is dull, but you can still feel the nostalgia.

“And you’re about to see the park that me and my friends used to hang out at after work and—actually, nevermind.” His arm drops to the middle console and he looks straight ahead with slightly pinker cheeks.

“Do what?” You ask, voice all sweet, and a grin grows on your face. You turn towards him and wiggle your eyebrows.

“Nothing. Homework.” He avoids your eye contact and hikes his hand up higher on the steering wheel. “Anyways— Do you want to get some food before we head out? I know a great place.”

You two were just coming to a close on your little trip to visit his family; it was his step-mom’s birthday and you decided to make a week of it. It was your first long-term trip with Sapnap, and also your first time meeting his dad’s side of the family. You were proud to say she loved you. His little sister took a little more effort to talk to you of her own volition, but soon enough she was on your side.

You have a couple hours to kill before making your flight back home, so Sapnap has taken it upon himself to give you a quick tour of his hometown.

“Yeah,” you decide, bottom lip popped out. “Can we get ice cream after?”

“Uh, duh.” The Neighbourhood’s Stargazing starts through the speakers and he reaches to turn it down. “I’m so ready to get home and sleep.” He stretches his neck in his seat, letting out an uncharacteristically inappropriate grunt when his bones pop. You make a disgusted face, nose wrinkling, but stretch your own back, slumping down in the seat. The day had been full of packing up and this horrible hike his dad liked to do early in the mornings, so you two were pretty beat.

“Okay, we’re here,” he announces three sleepy minutes later in his best attempt at a whisper. Lifting your head off of the corner of your seat, you blink in the setting sunlight as a yawn splits your face. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, and struggle to get your seatbelt off in that post-nap haze. You’d barely been asleep for thirty seconds, damn it. The air is a swampy heat when you step out of the car onto rocky gravel and nearly twist your ankle climbing over the curb. Sapnap catches you by the lower back, trying to hide his laugh but failing miserably. You slide him a dirty look, smacking his shoulder as hard as you can manage while limping towards the front entrance.

The door jingles when you two breach the doorway, alerting a bored-looking hostess that the circus has arrived. She looks at Sapnap a second longer than she should, eyebrows screwed together in silent confusion. But she leads the two of you to a booth near a large window, handing you sticky menus and promptly fucking right off to the host station. She nearly runs.

“Do you know her?” You ask, inconspicuously hiding your face in the search for their 24/7 breakfast menu. You feel his eyes on you.

“Don’t think so.” He leans on one elbow and slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. In the 25 seconds it takes for you to find their french toast and sides menu, he has browsed and closed his phone with an animatedly shocked look on his face.

“What?” You give him a weird look and put down the menu.

“I totally went to homecoming with that girl.” He eyes the hostess. You glance over at her again, meeting her gaze, and offer a polite smile. She turns away quickly, eyes wide.

“She’s cute,” you say, voice high and fake, and he drums his fingers on the tabletop as an amused look makes its way onto his face.

“Are you—?”

“What?” You reply right back.

“Nothing.”

Thank God the server comes up to your table then and starts asking for drink orders, or else you’d have to admit (sheepishly) you were a tiny eensy-weensy bit annoyed. Only a tad. But after requesting a Dr. Pepper and a water the conversation surrounding the nervous-looking hostess dies.

“I’m so hungry I think I feel my stomach shrinking.” You flop your head onto your arm on the table top and make a whiny noise into the stack of napkins your server left at the table. Sapnap rubs his thumb into the side of your forearm, touch warm and nearly dissolving the pangs of hunger and jealousy.

“You weren’t hungry an hour ago.” He lifts your hand to his face and plants a kiss on the back of it. Oh, pulling out the big guns, huh? “I would have made you something.”

You tilt onto your chin, pouting, and stare up at his cute face. His cute, scruffy, perfectly-kissable face.

“I think I got hungry staring at you for half an hour.” A mischievous grin grows on your previously-petulant face and he just shakes his head.

“I do have that effect,” he admits with cockiness in his tone, lifting his eyebrows and leaning back into the booth with his lips pursed.

The server returns with two glasses and takes your food orders onto their little yellow notepad. You chug the water down when they leave for the kitchen, getting your lap and chin thoroughly wet in the process. Sapnap just snorts at you and shoves the napkins your way.

“So,” you start, patting dry your jeans. “tell me what you were like in high school.” You cross your arms and settle into the booth, smirk on your lips.

“What I was like?” He parrots, sipping at his soda, looking thoughtful. “Firstly, a virgin.” You make a noise. Duh. Dude had a buzz cut his junior year. (You’ve seen the pictures. His step-mom particularly likes them.) “Secondly, I was actually— well, I wasn’t popular, but I had a lot of friends. We were all semi-athletic lonely band kids but we had fun. Had one girlfriend senior year but she went to Cal Tech in the fall and I didn’t. I, um, worked at a Dairy Queen in the summers and gained so much weight I had to lose all over again for Unified Track.”

“Relatable,” you comment, drinking noisily at your water. He fiddles with the paper straw wrapper and crunches it up into a ball. It goes soaring into your drink with a quiet “Kobe” and you just give him a look. He smiles toothily right back at you. “Stop being cute, I’m trying to listen to your story.”

“Oh, my bad,” he mocks. “Anyways. That’s what I was like in highschool.” You fish the paper ball out of your water and flick it wetly at his arm. It sticks and you choke on a laugh, cheeks puffed.

Two plates of warm food are set down loudly onto the table and you thank the server with a surprised smile, Sapnap mirroring you.

Two minutes of wordless chewing passes, minds occupied just by “food, me eat” instead of anything related to your previous conversation. You realize that Sapnap is one of the loudest chewers ever, and he realizes that you fail to notice the streak of maple syrup in your hair.

“C’mere,” he mumbles through a mouthful of omelet and hash browns and beckons you with his hand. You lean closer, chewing slowly, as he pats a napkin at the strands of hair trapped in syrup.

“Thanks, baby.” You take the napkin from him and pause your assault of the warm french toast before you to clean the sticky sugar out of your hair. He just watches you, half of a smile on his lips.

You two finish your food in record time. It’s borderline vacuum-like. There’s a short grace period where you just sit like two lazy cats, slumped down in the booth and holding your full stomachs. But the check comes soon after, and you both pay your way and are out of the restaurant without any mad dashes for the bathroom. A miracle, really, because of the American-like amount of butter you both consume.

“I’m a much more functional person now,” you mutter into the cotton of his shoulder, swinging your hand in his. He just hums in agreement.

“I guess we’re not getting ice cream, then,” he teases, and you just groan in response.

“I don’t feel like having diarrhea on a plane, unfortunately.” You sigh heavily when you have to split and get into your respective sides of the rental car.

The entire trip (somewhat roundabout because of the amount of side quests to show you things from his childhood) to the airport Sapnap is a chatterbox. He’s like this when he has sugar: either bouncing off the walls with energy or talking your ear off.

“That’s where my dad proposed to my step-mom. I was kinda young but I remember being surprised at how big the ring was— dude broke the bank for her.” It’s a little gazebo you catch a glimpse of through the trees in a park. It probably was an incredibly picturesque moment, and you can sense how much she must have loved it. With just meeting them this weekend, you can already see how much love those two have for each other.

You hope people can see how much you love Sapnap.

“Oh my God, it’s still there.” He points out the side of your window to what looks like a Dairy Queen that has been through World War 3. “My buddy Eric and I once spilled a gallon of that liquid ice-cream-shit all over the men’s bathroom.”

You shoot him a horrified look. “Why was it in the bathroom?”

He just smirks.

“—And that’s my Uncle Ron’s house. Had my first beer there.”

“And last, hopefully,” you add, pulling a disgusted face. The two story bungalow is cute, and one of your favorite colors: olive green. “That shit is nasty.”

He just shrugs and continues down the side street.

“Is this the park you were talking about?”

He pulls into the gravelly parking lot of a small clearing of tall trees, a picnic table and campfire sat squat in the middle. But he doesn’t respond, just turning the car off and climbing out. He reaches the passenger door without speaking, and opens it for you. You climb carefully out, confused.

“Come on.” He takes your hand and starts for a small path to the left of the picnic table. The mid-sunset shade envelopes the both of you.

“I hope this isn’t where you kill me.”

“No,” he snorts. “I just wanted to show you something.”

It’s just a few moments of stumbling through the damp underbrush before you’re coming face to face with a small, mossy pond that sits right underneath an incredibly old willow tree. He stops right on the edge of the rocky path and turns toward you.

“This your make out spot?” You ask between a grin as he snakes an arm around your waist and tugs you flush to him. Your innocent smile fades when you feel the press of his lips to the side of your neck, light and ticklish. Oh.

“No,” he murmurs, and just breathes you in. “I came here once—the night before I graduated highschool. And I told myself when I really really loved someone I’d take them here with me.” He sways with you in his grasp, a gentle and song-less dance.

You grip his shoulder tighter in your hand and lean into him.

“That’s— awfully romantic, huh?” Your voice is quiet. Almost nervous. He just makes a noise of agreement.

“So here we are.” His voice is the opposite of yours, all strong and confident.

You two just move together for a moment. The sun breaks through the tree canopy, shining bright orange down onto the glassy surface of the pond. Crickets and frogs chirp back and forth as the willow vines swing in a cool evening breeze. You watch nature come alive around you, suddenly grateful for the man in your arms.

“Don’t propose,” you whisper, breaking the gentle tension. A laugh breaks the silence and he’s pulling away to look at you. Maybe in disbelief. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and you brush it away, fingers stilling on his temple and sliding down onto his cheek. Stubble scrapes against the skin of your palm and he stares at you through those meadow eyes.

You realize in that moment that he is exactly himself. Of course he is. He’s Sapnap, and everything that encompasses that. Dark and light and fiery and cool. He always has been, and always will be.

You realize you wouldn’t mind if he proposed.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. let me know what you think

[alicemitch09writes]

(un)loving miya atsumu

fourteen.

loving miya atsumu

Dear Atsumu,

I hate how much your face is the first thing that comes to mind when I think about the word - ‘happiness’ and ‘love’. Happiness, because it radiates off your bones, no matter the situation, in court when up against strong opponents, thwarting plays with a setter dump or when you’re up serving, or when pulling off nasty quicks with your brother or any other player, off court when you fight with Osamu over the last ice cream at the convenience store, when you share a stupid joke with your dad, or even when you’re with the people you care about. Love, because you do everything with just the right to too much amount of love, pouring your everything in it, pouring your heart in the things that make you happy may it be volleyball, Osamu, your family, Mika- not a single wasted opportunity to convey your love and happiness. Nobody compares the way you do.

You’ve set a standard for almost everything, which is why you expect nothing for the best to be at the receiving end of both happiness and love.

I hope you know that to me; you are the embodiment of both happiness and love. Because I really hate how you remain the embodiment of these two words I have difficulty expressing.

Your name literally translates to 'to devour' and in a sense, you are someone who happily, readily accepts love and happiness on a daily basis, allowing it to fill you up to the core and share it with everyone.

You are everything that is everything – the sun after a stormy day, the sunshine in my veins, the kiss of the wind against my skin, the light to my darkness, my sunflower. You are everything to me, and to you, I offer, my whole heart, which you don’t have to worry returning, because it’s yours. Always has been.

     - (Y/N)’s letter, 1 out of 13

"MIKA!" launching yourself at your big sister, engulfing in a hug, the two of you laughed. Breaking away, you held your older sister an arm's length, taking her in. "You're home! You're here!" The excitement was evident in your tone, a bit of confusion as well, at the joyful arrival of your big sister.

"Just thought I'd surprise you!"

Frowning slightly, you ask again. "But how about school?"

"I'm on break!"

"Alexander and Pien?"

"The family's currently on vacation in Spain," sensing another question coming, she furthers. "the parents were the ones who arranged this trip, because they know it would mean the world to me and I would never want to miss my little sister's big day."

The grin on your face softened, engulfing your sister into a hug again. "I'm just so happy you're here,"

"Me, too."

Despite everything that went down, before anything else in the world, this was your sister – your best friend by design. After months apart, talking to her virtually for a year, having her in person was such a delight. Seeing her home was probably the best graduation gift you could ask more.

Swaying into your hug, relishing in the feeling of her touch, Mika slowly opens her eyes, seeing the twins, finally remembering that they weren't alone.

"Oh, no! I'm so sorry!" dropping the hug, she turns to the twins. "Atsumu, Osamu, hello!"

"Welcome back, Mika-nee," says Osamu.

"H-Hey Mika-nee," Atsumu stutters.

Something unsettled in your belly, coming at a screeching halt at the reunion. You could feel Osamu's eyes on you. Balling your hands into fists, you swallowed that ugly feeling, wearing a smile on.

"Shall we head inside?" Nobody seemed to notice the slight crack in your voice, which you were thankful for. Lowering your head, your eyes easily found your graduation pin, a reminder. 

Atsumu, however, seemed out of it. Even in the presence of his first love, he didn't seem the least happy to see her. In fact, he almost looked, dare you say, troubled.

While the three of you were taking off your shoes, the house filled with joyous noises from both families, you turned to the blond-dyed teen worriedly.

"Atsumu, are you alright?"

Is he alright? How was he supposed to feel? Mika was right there! Mika, the person he's been in love with since he was 9. Love, right? She's always been his standard, the perfect girl for some just as perfect as him. Boyfriend be damned. Mika was there. Mika was here. Shouldn't he be happy?

"Atsumu?" At the sound of your voice, he worked on a feeble smile, worrying you even more.

Snapping out of it, he quirks his lips up. Before you can say another word, his grandparents come barrelling down the hall to greet you three.

Atsumu's smile was worrying.

"How I've missed Japanese food!" Mika gushes at the table, eyes bright at the food on display – especially at the seafood, care of your uncle (of course).

Laughing, the twins' father turns to her. "What's wrong with Dutch food, Mika-chan?"

Aside from sushi, there was an assortment of dishes like tempura, sauteed vegetables, salad, grilled meat, roast beef and chicken, and two cakes. With a feast like this, calling for the occasion, it was enough to water anyone’s mouth.                                          

"It's alright, but kinda bland." they laugh at that.

You sat next to your sister, Kaoru on your other side. Across you sat the twins, Atsumu directly in front of you. Catching his eye, he quirked his lips up – smile seeming forced.

Your mom was all smiles, lifting her glass up. “Well now, let’s make a toast to our graduates!”

"To our bright and wonderful children!” your uncle seconds, joyfully, loudly. “To Atsumu, Osamu, and (Y/N)! Cheers!"

"Cheers!" Everyone was clinking their glasses against each other before digging in.

The adults were usually doing the talking, exchanging pleasantries about this and that, while the youngins were on a world of their own. It only made sense why the (extended) table was divided into two – young and old.

Lifting his gaze, Atsumu could see you chatting up with his grandparents, a pleasing and polite smile on your face. As his grandma was sharing about her newest hobby, you were wiping Kaoru’s face clean, much to the younger boy’s displeasure.

“Atsumu, I hear you’ve been scouted by a pro-league?”

Suddenly called by Mika, he was suddenly on the spot. Normally, he would preen, just to keep those bright (e/c) eyes on him. When in truth, he wants another pair of eyes on him.

“Oh, uh…yeah, that’s right.”

“Pfft, what kinda energy is that?” booms his dad’s voice, ringing throughout the room. “Give it more life, Atsumu!” Beside him, his mom pats her husband’s arm, smiling per usual, but had a loving look in her eyes.

“What team are you joining?”

“MSBY Black Jackals,” he replies, staring at his plate. “they’re based in Osaka.”

Atsumu still remembers the day you approached him, shared with him how a scout agent had approached you first, then asked for Atsumu’s contact information. He was so over the moon after you told him that.

“Oh! So it’s close by!”

“Yeah.”

“That’s nice, you don’t have to worry about university and just continue doing what you do best. I’m jealous.”

Atsumu works on a faint smile, happy to hear it.

You watched the whole exchange from the corner of your eye, taking a bite of sushi before washing it down with soda, swallowing down the lump in your throat as well.

“Nee-san,” something pat at the corners of your mouth, Kaoru grinning. “your mouth was messy!”

Smiling, you could only pat his head in gratitude. “Thank you, Kaoru.”

“And how about (Y/N)-chan?” the Miya’s grandmother asked you suddenly, bringing the attention to you.

Now at the center of attention, you set down your plate. “Um…I’ll be studying at Hiroshima University.”

“Hiroshima! That’s four hours away from here?” whines the twins’ mom, to which your uncle and mom shrugs easily.

“Well, it was her decision.”

“Waseda was also in her list, but she opted for Hiroshima University.”

Nearly choking on his drink, the twins’ father turns to you. “Wa-Waseda!?”

“Dad, calm down!” Atsumu berates, embarrassed. Beside him, Osamu just helps himself to another serving, handing his grandfather another, too.

“Don’t underestimate Waseda, Atsumu! That’s one of the most prestigious schools in Japan!”

Atsumu knows that very well, because you told them about it. Just that…

“Well, she didn’t pass.” Huffs your uncle, but goes on to explain rather excitedly. “So she went for the next big thing – Hiroshima University!”

“Dad, didn’t we already tell you this?” Osamu frowns, rice sticking to his cheek. “We also told you she passed the exams.”

Their dad deflated at that, scratching at his cheek. “A-Ah, eh…you know your old man, he’s getting old and his memory’s failing him.” Everyone in the table laughs, even young Kaoru!

“Still, Hiroshima’s a long way from here, (Y/N)-chan,” their grandfather turns to you. “Why not join Osamu at Kobe University? Or Atsumu in Osaka at Kansai University?”

Shrugging, you reached over to refill his glass. “I wanted a change of pace, I guess. Also,” sitting back, you brushed strands of hair behind your ear, exposing your conch piercing. “I had a bit of epiphany when we had our class excursion there.”

The adults smile at your words, Mika, most especially.

“Well, I know you’ll do well there which is why we want you to have this,” from his pocket, the twins’ grandfather produced three envelopes – for you, Osamu, and Atsumu. To say that the three of you were shocked would be an understatement. “Here,”

Ever so carefully, the three of you took the envelope with both hands.

“Go on, open it!” says their mom excitedly, recording with their phone.

“OH MY GOD MOM, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING US!”

“Open, open!” their grandmother clapped her hands excitedly, sharing the same sweet smile as her husband.

Glancing at each other, the three of you seemed to share the same idea.

“On three?”

Nod.

“One,”

“Two,”

“Three!”

Outside the window, the wind blew, sending a draft it in (L/N) household. One glance and you were greeted by a world painted in pink hues, blushes of nature come in falling petals – spring has come alright.

In your subdivision, there was only one cherry blossom tree that was planted in the playground just behind your house. At the epicentre of your neighbourhood, like a heartbeat that connected each household to its beating. When spring comes, it blooms, shedding off its petals, scattering against the wind everywhere – for everyone to see.

A chance to bring spring into their homes, to enjoy moments like these without having to worry about leaving. Like a hanami at home.

“Ohhh.”

“…we got money.”

“Granny, Gramps, thank you so much!”

“Use the money wisely now!”

“I’m jealous,” Mika tells you, watching the twins. “you three got to share moments like these, have been for years. But now,” her smile falters a bit. “you’re off on your separate ways. Will you be okay?”

Your big sister will always be your best friend, one deigned to you since you were born and because of blood. But having friends of your own was another story, especially worth noting just how quiet you can be, which is why when they moved to Hyogo and were introduced to the twins, it made her feel settled. The three of you were inseparable, always together, a bond she envied.

At this point in your life, there was no denying the consequences of growing up.

“We all have our own different dreams and ambitions, so it’s only normal that we chase after it.” Taking a sip of your drink, your eyes catch on Osamu. “Osamu’s not as ambitious as his brother, but he’s just as competitive – especially when it comes to his future and happiness.”

“True, but a shame that he’s not going pro like his brother, they would be such a team!”

It would, years of watching them grow together was enough of a testament. The most powerful twins in volleyball.

“They’ll always have volleyball and each other. But when it comes to happiness, that’s another story.” Recalling Osamu’s soft gaze on the finished onigiri he made, the tale he shared afterwards. “Osamu’s happiness in with cooking and food.”

Humming, Mika takes her own drink, sipping in.

“And the thing with Atsumu is that’s he’s always looking forward, never once settling on the past knowing that it will hold him back. In fact, he’s always looking ahead that he tends to forget what he’s doing in present time.”

“It sounds like he’s taken to heart your club motto, huh? ‘We don’t need memories’.”

It was such a powerful motto – moving and inspiring all at once. From the moment your eyes saw Inarizaki’s banner when you were young to the moment you became manager, that motto has stuck with you the most. You love that motto, love its implication and even took it by heart.

“We can’t always be ruled by our past after all.” You set your drink down. “How else are we going to move forward?”

Atsumu stared at the ceiling before him, having given up tossing and turning for the past few hours. After the third hour, he threw in the towel – he was restless, unable to fall asleep from everything that’s happened today. It’s as though he found himself at an impasse – unsure of what he’s been holding on to, unable to comprehend how he should feel with everything going on.

Mika was home. Feelings he’s had for her…surfaced. He thinks. Atsumu broke into a sigh, sitting up, he was a mess.

Suddenly, he heard rummaging from below him, muted light glowing from below.

“’Samu?” he called out.

“Ah, shit.” Osamu craned his head, meeting his eyes. “Sorry, ‘Tsumu. Did I wake you?”

Shaking his head, Atsumu noted that Osamu was dressed up. “Where’re you headed?”

“Out.” He pockets his phone and wallet away.

“By yourself?” When his brother shakes his head, Atsumu shifts from his spot, asking again. “With whom?”

“…with (Y/N).”

Atsumu was silent for a while, coming to realization how Osamu sneaks out a lot in the past. It shouldn’t be a question and should be easy to tell who he usually hung out with late at night.

“Can I come?”

Osamu’s blinked at that. Atsumu waits, hopes. He watches as his brother looks at his phone, then back to his brother. Eventually, he exhales through his nose, wearing a half-smile as he nods slowly.

“Yeah, come on.”

Smiling, Atsumu feels excited as he gets down from his bunk and quickly changes. Following his brother's lead, ever so quietly the twins trudge out of the house, careful not to make any loud noises (which honestly, they shouldn't even bother for everyone in their family were heavy sleepers), door closing shut behind him. It amazed Atsumu how his brother does it all with practiced eased.

Spring evening was chilly, biting at his skin, nipping his nose. Good thing he thought of putting on his hoodie.

Together, the twins head out their house, bypassing their gate and turn, towards the (L/N) house next door where a figure waited.

Dressed in an oversized hoodie that stopped by your mid thighs, gazing up at the night sky in thought, in waiting.

"Yo, (Y/N)."

Lowering your head, (e/c) eyes widened slightly once realizing your best friend didn't come alone. At this, Atsumu raised a hand in greeting.

"Hey, (Y/N). Mind if I tag along?"

You shrug easily, standing to your full height. "Sure, why not."

Spring night was cool and crisp, biting almost – remnants from winter’s past.

Three teens walk along their quiet neighbourhood, cruising along houses for some few blocks until reaching a brightly lit establishment just next to the main road.

Upon entering the store, the cashier – a smiling, tired-looking woman, nods at Osamu and you, eyes shining in familiarity. A recurrence, it seems. Despite the wee hours of the night, the stillness of the silence, bright lights flooded the establishment with a multitude of goods lined up, budget meals prepped and ready, everything seemed liked a sight for any customer.

Following after Osamu, the two cruised through the aisles, his brother grabbing some chips and a seasonal onigiri, the twins nearly towering over. Reaching the end, he felt a chill, realizing he was by the frozen section, with you eyeing the selection with pursed lips.

"Aren't you full from all the food we ate earlier?" Atsumu laughs, standing next to you.

"Lest you forget, Osamu has a black hole for a stomach. I'm on my period, so I have cravings." Saying this, you stare at the selection of ice cream.

"How about curfew?" You were such a stickler for rules, this was so new to him.

Shrugging, you picked up strawberry and chocolate brownie. "Osamu and I sometimes pass off as adults. Plus, this neighborhood tends to be complacent when it comes to curfew."

He smirks. "So you're using that to your advantage, huh? Smart girl."

Your only reply was bumping your shoulder against his, putting the strawberry ice cream in his hands. Which he decidedly takes.

Over your meals, the three of you share laugh, meals, and talks. Unable to help himself, and taking a page from his mother, Atsumu takes a selfie to commemorate the moment, uploading instantly to his social media.

To any other bystander – or whoever sees Atsumu’s selfie, it was nothing more than a teenage hang out with your childhood friend and brother. Rather picturesque of perfect innocence, measured smiles, occasional banter highlighted only by the lights of the sleepy convenience store, saturated by the spring evening.

A moment that sent a lurch down each of your hearts at the knowledge that moments like these were numbered. Caught up in the moment, Atsumu desperately wished for time to freeze, wishing his life was always like this.

Nostalgia filled the night, between childhood friends – like that year of silence meant nothing. It was enough to choke Atsumu, bring him to tears with how much he's missed this. Memories from his past painted into his present with bright hues and ink, he wanted them to stay, etched on his skin - unready to have them washed away when the morning comings.

Late-night snacks ended up with the twins sneaking their game console to the (L/N)'s household, talks continue even as you three were playing video games until the wee hours of the morrow, filled with more talks that piled conversation over conversation, talking as though they had a clue – leaving you all breaking into fits of silly laughter.

Just as you landed second in Mario Kart, Osamu conked out first.

"I swear, he sleeps like a fucking log," Atsumu says, watching you carefully set Osamu's head on your lap, patting his head gently.

Smiling softly, you carefully take the blanket you snuck and tucked him in, and yourself, too. Atsumu stood to turn off the console and the TV, filling the room in darkness. However, the glow from the moon outside was enough to illuminate the living room.

"You'll be heading off to Hiroshima, right?" he whispers, reaffirming the question thrown to you earlier that day, you nod. "Wow,” sitting next to you, on the edge of the sofa, he settles in. “big step."

"I figured that I'd like to open my horizon, have a new pace."

Atsumu remembered the peaceful look on your face when they had their class excursion there, smiling at the memory and a bit on the history of the city.

"Like a fresh new beginning, huh?"

Nodding, eyes beginning to droop, Atsumu carefully brings your head to his chest, falling back. "Like you...you'll be off to Osaka...for MSBY Black Jack'ls" you slur. "Osamu's staying here..."

Humming, he brushes away hair from your face, listening to your voice against Osamu's snores.

"You seem t'be doin' fine," he almost laughs at how thick your Kansai was when you were on the brink of sleep. "'ve always been." Taking an inhale, through your exhale you say, "you don't need me, Atsumu, you never have." and then you slipped off to sleep.

How he envied the friendship you had with Osamu, the one thing that connected you both in the first place. Taking your left hand in his, fingers slotting together, scarred fingers touching against each other, he noses at your forehead, lips a hairsbreadth away from your skin.

“Oh, you have no idea just how wrong you are, (Y/N).” lips pressed the lightest kiss, the moon and the stars as his witness. “I’ll always need you.”

You must've heard him in your sleep, because you were smiling, adorably. It was the last sight he saw before Atsumu slipped off, as well. 

Dawn broke out slowly, as it always did in Hyogo, light streaming, searching almost for signs of life in the living room. With the sun slowly making its way up, light follows upwards, eventually finding three bodies knocked out in the living room - sleeping rather awkwardly with two boys sandwiching a girl, peaceful, lost in silence. Somewhat, it was a familiar sight.

Waking up to the smell of breakfast, Atsumu woke with a start, blinking wearily as he took in his surroundings. Right, he snuck out with Osamu and stayed over at the (L/N)’s.

Lifting his head, a ghost of a smile found its way on his face when a mop of (h/c) came to view, your hand still in his. Strands of hair littered your face, which he quickly swept away, causing you to stir.

"Good morning, sleepyheads!" a cheery voice greeted from the kitchen. "Hope you like pancakes!"

Fresh out of bed, with her hair in a messy bun with an apron on was Mika, she looked pretty, adorable even. Atsumu should've been happy by the sight of this, captivated even. But he felt nothing.

At the mention of pancakes, Osamu sleepily lifts his head, in alert, eyes still pinched close. Slowly, you rose from Atsumu’s chest, having used it as a pillow last night, rubbing at your eyes.

“Mornin’ (Y/N),” he laughs.

Blinking your eyes open, with the sight of Atsumu in front of you, between his legs, realizing your sleeping position from last night, instantly your face heated, darkened. “A-Atsumu! A-Ah…Um…G-Good morning…” folding his legs back, he did a stretch, Osamu slowly coming to beside you. “Did you sleep well? Does your neck hurt? Your back?”

Your concern was honestly adorable – like your morning self, it made his heart warm.

“No worries, I slept great!”

True to his word, the rest of the morning went swimmingly over heaps of pancake and another selfie.

“I fear you’ll be taking after your mother in that aspect.”

“Wow, selfie whore.”

“SHUT IT, ‘SAMU!”

After breakfast, the twins had to head back home, to greet their grandparents while you started packing. When lunch came, the twins were back – freshly changed and all. At the sight of them, your mom couldn’t help gushing that ‘it takes me back!’ to which your uncle laughed at heartily, welcoming the boys in before they both left for work.

“Oi, Kaoru what’re you doing?” Osamu asked, watching how as your brother stood on a dining chair he grabbed, pushed it against the wall as he reached up, tying something by the window.

Squinting, you asked. “Is…that a teru teru bozu?”

“Yep!” he smiled, letting the doll face outside, getting another balled-up doll from his pocket. “Nee-san’s birthday’s in a few days, don’t want it to rain then!”

“Kaoru, aren’t you a little too old for superstitions?”

“I’m only 13!”

“Yes, but there’s no scientific proof that they prevent rain from coming. Plus, it’s spring, it’s not so hot of a season for rain to fall.”

Miffed by your explanation, he turned, nearly toppling over had he not righted himself quickly. “You don’t know that, nee-san!” Kaoru hopped off the chair, pouting at you.

“Yeah, what the brother boy said!” Atsumu seconded.

“Better safe than sorry!”

You could only sip on your drink in reply, hiding the smile. Osamu gave you a funny look, amused.

“Plus, it has to be sunny on nee-san’s birthday! We’re going to-“ before Kaoru could finish, Mika appeared, slapping a hand on his mouth.

“Hey, how about I make us pasta for lunch?”

Instantly, Kaoru’s face brightened. “Yay, pasta!”

“By the way, (Y/N),” she calls to you. “Reiki’s coming over with the pizza you like that his friend makes, the spinach one and garlic shrimp?”

At the mention of the aforementioned pizzas, your lips quickly quirk up. It was so hard to find those specific flavors around Kobe, the last time you had them was probably before Mika left. Thankfully, Reiki, being the social butterfly that he was, knew a lot of people.

“Your boyfriend has my many thanks,”

Mika laughs, making you realize a little too late on the words that left your mouth. Sliding your eyes to Atsumu, you were surprised to find that he seemed relatively fine, cordial even.

When Reiki came with the pizzas later, pasta ready and waiting, you all feasted, but not before Atsumu insisted on a selfie with everyone.

“I swear, you’re turning to Ma and it’s scaring me,” Osamu tells his brother with a disgusted frown.

“Watch your mouth, ‘Samu that’s still our Ma!” Atsumu angrily bites off his pizza. “Is it so wrong to capture moments frozen in time!?”

“Wow, that was a rather poetic way of saying it,” you noted, nodding your thanks at Reiki would gave you two slices each of the pizzas.

“Come on now, let’s not fight!” Reiki says calmly, undeterred by the twins. “Let’s just eat, yeah?”

A long-distance relationship seemed to work fine for your sister and Reiki. Clearly, distance makes the heart fonder with how lovey-dovey they seemed. A peek over at Atsumu, and you’d half-expect him to go batshit crazy. But no. If anything, he seemed perfectly fine.

“Atsumu, do you have a minute?”

As Atsumu walked off with your sister, you could only watch, lips quirking into a smile. For some reason, you felt fine with that, too.

It was probably when they first moved to Hyogo that Atsumu’s eyes fell to Mika, the ever-smiling, ever-kind oldest daughter. There were plenty of reasons to like her: she was pleasant, polite, pretty, smart, athletic, and kind. For years, Atsumu has always set her as his standard for his ideal woman, even assured himself that he was at her level (which shouldn’t be so hard, thanks to his genetics).

For the first time in the forever, he thought of finally confessing to her his feelings, that chance that he’s waiting for so long.

And yet, as the two enter the backyard, the door sliding shut behind him, Atsumu turns to Mika, with a question that’s been burning on to the back of his head for a while now.

"Why did you do it?"

"Huh?" Mika looks up in surprise, letting go of the door handle.

"Why'd you to talk to him?" Atsumu felt his patience running thin, anger building.

Mika's perfect face falls into confusion, exposing the cracks underneath. This was clearly not what she intended to talk about, but Atsumu didn’t care, he was leading this conversation now. Honestly, it feels like he’s finally seeing her for who she really is – for the first time, the rosy lenses he had of her were torn away.

Him, being their dad.

Pressing her lips together, a fist to her mouth, contemplating on her response. "...I just...I wanted..."

"A connection?" he finishes for her, an educated guess.

Mika nodded. "He's still my dad, you know? I just thought...I could get to know him..."

"And that hurt (Y/N) in the process," Atsumu threw out, rather impatiently, almost accusingly. "did you know that?"

Pain crosses over her face, bleeding through from her eyes down to the upturn of her lips, hands fisting on her chest.

"Maybe you wanted a relationship with him,” shaking his head, he thinks of you “but not (Y/N)." Of all his memories with you, one where he's caught your eyes on their dad, feeling his stomach twist at the longing in your eyes, hurt him the most. You may have had your uncle, but having your own father was a different thing. You told him that Mika was studying psychology, he couldn’t help but think how ironic that was.

"I'm not perfect, Atsumu."

Atsumu scoffed. "Don't I know that?"

He was an older sibling himself. Older by five minutes, he was still regarded as the oldest, has as much responsibility despite that minute difference.

"Older siblings aren't perfect," Mika says. "We make mistakes, we hurt people, even our siblings." She very clearly wanted to discuss something else, something that clearly wasn’t this. But now that Atsumu’s taken control, she felt herself lose rights.

"Did you tell him about our graduation?"

Mika fell silent, mouth pulled into a line.

That was enough of an answer.

Atsumu tried to imagine how the young you must have felt, the horrors you had to face, to witness, how your young, impressionable mind just paused and came to a screeching halt, to a horrible realization of how fucked up everything was now - he could only feel immeasurable pain, choking him. When that happened, did it also take away the life and spark in your eyes? The joy of life?

He loved his dad very much, his dad was one of the best men in his life who always encouraged him and Osamu to pursue their dreams, always at the frontline for them, and loved his whole family. Had he done what your dad did, he would also feel just as crushed. What he did was inexcusable – to you, to Mika, to your brother, to your mom. Scums like him didn't deserve a second chance.

"I can't believe you did that."

Without waiting for her to reply, Atsumu walked back inside the house, back to where his brother and you were.

Late at night, you stare up at the ceiling, hugging ‘Inari’ – the fox plushie given to you by the trouble children – close to your chest. Mind filled with thoughts, just swimming over you.

Earlier, Atsumu had walked back in the house, the same worrying smile from a few days ago, eyes losing its usual luster. Yet, he assured you that it was nothing, ruffling your hair affectionately.

Mika then walked back in the house, all smiles – but even she had a weary looking smile. Before you could approach her, Reiki rushed to her side and the two scurried to the kitchen. Thankfully, Kaoru, hadn’t picked up on this, busy trying to beat his two nii-sans in Smash.

Shifting your head to the side, to where Mika’s bed was, your sister was dead to the world, deep in her slumber – peaceful and calm. Lifting yourself from your bed, covers dropping, ever so carefully you dropped your feet to the cold floor. Still hugging Inari, you walked away from your bed and to one of the boxes, staring at the contents – some books, stationary.

Bending down, you dig through, careful not to make a sound. From the box, you pulled out a wooden picture frame, hand painted blue, with sunflowers sticking on the top left, a few petals on the upper and lower. And in frame was the photo of the Inarizaki Volleyball Club. It was taken the moment everyone returned from Tokyo. Smiling fondly, fingers smoothed over the sunflowers, taking in everyone’s smiles.

At the center of the photo was you, sandwiched between Atsumu and Osamu, wearing wide grins. When your juniors handed you the frame, you were so sure you’d break out then and there. But it didn’t end there, because Coach Kurosu – tears spilling down his face, gave you his gift, too. Gently setting Inari down, frame sitting next to him, you plucked a small, thick, black cloth.

Sitting crossed legged, you opened it up, smiling at the familiar kanji of the club’s motto.

‘We Don’t Need Memories’

“Such a powerful statement,” you whisper into the silence.

Kita once shared that he wasn’t a fan of the motto – being a man brought by the small things, on how doing the minimum on a daily basis is already enough of an assurance for any needless worries. Yet, it fires him up when he’s up with his team mates.

Coach Kurosu also mentioned, overly fond of the motto, that nothing should ever hold you back from the challenges that life will hurl at you.

Smoothing over the smooth kanji characters, a wave of memories rushed over you – first stepping into the gym, applying as manager the same time the twins had their try-outs, introducing yourself as manager before the twins engulfed you into a hug, seeing Aran again, meeting Kita and the rest of your seniors, meeting Suna, Ginjima, and the rest of the team, being there when the twins got their jerseys, their first official match, making your way to nationals, the twins debuting their dyed hairs, the incident, Kita’s captaincy, him berating you for resigning and convincing you to stay, the painful and cold second year, walking out during preliminaries, breaking down in the club room, having to tell Atsumu he was chosen for the Youth Camp, meeting Sho-chan at nationals, resigning only to be brought back, arcades with the trouble children, sunflowers given by the juniors on your birthday, training in Asano and Yoshimichi, training the new recruits, warmer days in the club, nationals with with Sho-chan, smacking Atsumu in the face, the retirement and turning over, graduation – so many great memories, good and bad. They were definitely the time of your life, if not, the greatest. A chapter that’s come to a close, but filled with so many turning points.

Patting the banner affectionately, a single tear slips down your face, landing on the banner, what a deep tangent you’ve found yourself in.

March 23, your birthday.

It fell on a Sunday, on a perfect sun shiny day, just as your family had expected.

On your birthday, it was decided that it would be spent at Sunflower Hill Park at Ono. Seeing as it was a special day, everyone had to dress their best – you included, being the birthday girl. Mika immediately busied herself prettying you up, even getting you to finally wear the dress that Kita had gifted you sometime back. It’s been gathering dust in the closet since he gave it, unsure on when to wear it.

“It’s just my birthday,” you grumbled, Mika immediately shushing you busily brushing your hair aside to work on your eyes, her face pinched into concentration.

“It’s not ‘just your birthday’, (Y/N).” she says, lighting brushing over your eyes. Setting down her eyeshadow palette, she picks up a blush set, instructing you to smile, exposing your dimples.

“19,” you say aloud, announcing to the world freely. “I’m at the peak of my adulthood.”

“You know, you’ve always been an adult all your life.” Mika teases, brush circling your dimples. “But that doesn’t mean you should be down on your birthday.”

“Studies show that it’s only natural to have birthday disappointments the older you get.” You rebuke, watching her frown cutely, setting her blush down, brandishing a mascara in her hand.

“And studies also show that you don’t always have to have that kind of mindset,” she rebukes back, twirling her mascara madly before taking out the wand. “Open your eyes and look up.”

Gulping, you do as she says, feeling the wand passing down your lashes.

“Birthday disappointments can also be stemmed from high expectations – either from childhood or from adolescence. And here’s the hard truth: you actually want to celebrate your birthday, but you just don’t know how to tell people.”

Capping her mascara, she instructs you to close your eyes, which you do, before you’re assaulted with a mist-like spray all over your face. When she tells you to open, you find yourself staring at yourself in the mirror – struck at the person staring back at you. Mika did a great job, highlighting your features, brightening your whole face, it was easy to see now the resemblance between you two.

“We’re not mind readers, (Y/N), we’re your family. And because we love you, we want to celebrate the day you came to bless our lives,” Mika smiles, smoothing your hair.

Helping you put on your dress, even lending you her sandals, she added some finishing touches like earrings and a sun brim hat.

“I look like those stereotypical animes shown in the summer.” You comment about your reflection in the mirror, to which Mika rolls her eyes at.

“Would you stop, you look beautiful!”

Taking her words with a grain of salt – seeing how pretty she was in her own dress, you smiled and the two of you walk out the room.

“Are you two done, now- Ah, how pretty!” coos your mother, pressing her hands to her mouth, eyes watering.

“Mom, you’re being dramatic-“

“My girls are so pretty! Especially the birthday girl!”

Beside you, Mika looks pleased with herself, especially at her work.

“Happy birthday, sweetie,” says your mom, taking your face in her hands, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

Swallowing down hard, fighting off tears that have strangely formed, you smile at her. “Thanks mom.”

“Alright, let’s go down now! Everyone’s waiting for us!”

Anxiety rose up, heart in your chest as you three descended the stairs, where you could hear people chatting about in the living room. Everyone was there – your uncle, Kaoru, Reiki, the Miyas, even the twins. It was Atsumu who saw you first, doing a double take, taking you in.

And then his mom squealed at the sight of you. “Ah!!!!! (Y/N)-chan, you look so pretty!” everyone turns to you, much to your horror. “Happy birthday, sweet girl!” she says.

“…thank you, Auntie.” Your voice was quiet, raspy.

Being the center of attention, everyone’s smiles on you was unnerving.

Self-consciously, you duck under their gazes, face burning.

To your surprise, your family had long planned this together with the Miyas. What made it extra special was the fact that it was just days after the three of you graduated and of Mika’s return. An outing of two families, in a field of little suns spread across the field.

At the sight of tall, bright yellow and brown flowers, your eyes sparkled in child-like wonder. Sensing your excitement, Mika, with her uncle’s camera slung around her neck, hooked her arm around yours, giggling and pulling you further in the park, leaving Atsumu and the rest to follow after.

The adults were discussing amongst themselves, discussing where they should set up, Reiki happily stuck around them, ever ready to help around, while Kaoru was running off to join his sisters. Alone with his brother, Osamu elbows him.

"Is something wrong with you and Mika-nee?" Osamu asks him, feeling the breeze against his skin.

On the way to Ono, with the twins, you, Mika, and Reiki, in Reiki’s car, there was a noticeable avoidance between Atsumu and Mika. However, the two easily played it off. Mika was busy chatting up with her boyfriend, Atsumu looked over your shoulder, as you answered birthday greetings.

Even way before that, the two of them were masterful in their way of seeming fine, but when they interacted, it felt rather stiff.

Sighing, Atsumu’s eyes found Kaoru, who was giggling as Mika was getting you to pose in front of flowers, you, clearly embarrassed, tried to talk your way out of it.

"I confronted her about their dad," Atsumu grumbles, hands in his pocket. Eventually, you caved in your sister’s whims, posing demurely, before Kaoru cheered you to try other poses.

Osamu's eyes widened. "Are you an idiot!? Why would you-"

"Did you know that she also told him about our graduation?"

Osamu stopped at that, at its implication, their eyes going to the older (L/N) sister, showing the photos to you.

"Damn."

"I know. Pretty shitty of her."

"Wow, 'Tsumu badmouthing Mika-nee, that's new."

Scoffing, he lifted his head to meet his brother’s. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Shrugging easily, Osamu explains, as their parents walk southward into the park, where an open area for picnic was. "Almost a year ago, you were nothing but praises for her, wouldn’t shut up about her on and on and on.” Breathing out a laugh, he shakes his head when he adds. “Heck, even if she farted you'd think it was cute."

Atsumu's face wrinkles, cringes. "That was before."

“Still,” walking ahead, he stares his brother down, feeling a chill run down his spine. “you never let us forget. Never let (Y/N) forget that.”

Up ahead, the (L/N) siblings were soon joined by Reiki, who took the camera from Mika, opting to take photos of the siblings. (Y/N), who was sandwiched between her older and younger sibling, all smiles for the camera.

“A year ago, it was as though your mission was to make (Y/N) feel so shitty about yourself, all because of your stupid little crush. It took her finally deciding to leave for you to snap out of it.”

Swallowing thickly, Atsumu vaguely remembered that moment of panic, like something had clawed into his chest. Immediately, he feels a sense of shame – for everything he had done to you.

"'Tsumu, you realize that you never said you're sorry to (Y/N), right?"

The hardest pill to swallow was realizing that despite the year he’s had, devoted to making up to you, it just wasn’t enough. Actions may speak louder than words, but just saying those words were just as important. Especially because it was worth noting that, sometimes, Atsumu’s actions can be contradicting to his words and may confuse you. You, who’s suffered quietly all this time, who forced themselves to power through, who unselfishly put others before yourself.

“I’m way past that now,” determination was thick in his tone, strong in his words.

Osamu felt proud to see it, loved to see it. They were nearing their parents – who finally found a nice picnic spot, just right next to the playground hustle.

"Didn't you say that Mika-nee was your one true love?" he couldn’t help but say, egging on his brother, never letting him down on his fuck up.

Osamu nearly fell back as Atsumu tackled him, slapping a hand to his mouth, lest anyone heard it. "KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, SHITTY 'SAMU!"

"Wasn't she though!?"

"I was a kid!" he reasoned out. "I didn't know shit!"

"Clearly still don't now!" Osamu yelled slapping his brother's hand away from his face.

"FUCK YOU!"

"Now, now, Atsumu, Osamu, no fighting on (Y/N)'s special day!" calls their dad, hands on his hips. Beside him was their mom, smiling as she took photos of the sunflowers all around them.

"Oh, oh, oh, sweetie, let's take a photo with the birthday girl!" hooking her arm around her husband's she didn't give him time to back out before dragging him with her, smiling sweetly at her sons. "And no fighting, Atsumu, Osamu, it's a special day!"

Speaking of special day, Atsumu’s eyes turned to the fields, where you were – feeling his heart settle at your familiar frame, your gentle expression as you gazed at the vibrant yellow sunflowers. He remembered that field trip when they were younger, remembered where your eyes were staring, dug through the display when no one was looking and snuck it in his bag, feeling giddy all over, remembered the smile that came to your face.

It was brighter than any of the sunflowers.

Under the clear blue skies, the sun was shining bright, smiling down on everyone – especially a particular group down at Ono Sunflower Hill Park, circling a girl dressed in white, balloons in hands, all wearing smiles as they sang to greet her.

Their singing echoed out in the field, the wind carrying on their love for the girl in the middle, the girl whose heart was just filled with love with everyone around her.

A simple white cake, decorated in the same flowers that surrounded them was presented to her, and a single candle stood alit, waiting.

When the singing dwindled down, the girl stared at her cake, closed her eyes, and then blew.

She was now 19.

What a lovely day to be loved, feel loved, and be celebrated by love.

Emboldened by his talk with Osamu, brought also by epiphany, Atsumu finds himself carefully approaching Mika.

“Mika-nee, can we talk?”

Reiki, having sensed the mood, excused himself, but not before kissing his girlfriend on the forehead and taking Kaoru with him away from the playground.

Squirming under his gaze, remembering his blow-up on her days before, she fixes him a pleading look. "Atsumu, look, I don't want to fight with you-"

"I'm not sorry for blowing up on you like that, Mika-nee.” He starts, meaning every word. “But I am sorry for intruding into your family business. I just care for (Y/N), she's..." he swallows thickly. "she's been through so much."

Mika’s expression softens, eyes shining. "You really care a great deal about (Y/N), huh?"

“Always have, always will.”

“I’m glad.”

Mika smiles sweetly at him, fiddling with her hands. “It’s just…he’s still my dad, what he did was unforgivable, but the idea of reconnecting with him,” she sniffles, wiping a tear. “how could I not? And then I thought, that maybe (Y/N) would be on board with the idea…” she shakes her head, laughing incredulously. “Clearly, I forgot that I can’t force it on her, can’t fix the trauma he did.” Her face pinches, pained and regret.

The old Atsumu would have rushed and comforted her, assured her that she did great. Emphasis on the old, the Atsumu now just stared, letting her wallow on her mistake.

Covering her face, she groaned into it, before fixing herself up, slapping her cheeks together. “Wooh! How embarrassing of me! Looks like I’ve got a long way to go!” she laughs. Atsumu can’t help but laugh with her.

Even now, her ability to smile through the pain, shoulder her burdens, amazes him. There was a reason he admired this young woman before him, but seeing her open up to her flaws made him admire her even more.

And then he felt it, the urge, something clawing at his chest, words that needed to be said.

“Mika-nee, actually,” the older girl looks up at him, waits patiently. “I…I like you.” Back when he was younger, he had envisioned the perfect confession – something almost like this, with the sun setting behind them, painting them in the afterglow. That was one of his two options for confessing, the other being in the letter he poured his heart in, with your help. “I liked you, Mika-nee.”

It feels freeing to finally say that, to let the person know how much they meant to them. Even if it were no longer the case.

She smiles, sweetly again. “I know.”

Atsumu looks up at her, surprised. Mika’s smile remains.

“E-Eh?”

“I received your letter,” his eyes widen, confusion crawling over. “(Y/N) snuck it into my things before I left for the Netherlands.”

You did that for him? You.

Looking back, his eyes could only widen, realizing that it had been during the incident. Atsumu is assaulted with guilt all over again, brought by your unselfishness, just unsure with what he could say.

“I always thought that it would be the two of you, you know? You three were thick as thieves, enough to rival the three musketeers. But you and (Y/N)? I always felt like there was a great bond between you two.”

“N-Nee-san…actually…I-“ Everything he did to you in the year following the incident came to mind, his self-hate rising, Mika deserved to know.

Instead, she gently shakes her head. “It’s not me you should be telling that to, Atsumu. It’s (Y/N).” taking his arm in her hand, she cups his chin, (e/c) eyes meeting his honey browns, smiling and squeezing on to him arm encouragingly. “Go.”

Coming to, he nods and quickly starts running. Before fully leaving the playground, Mika calls him. “Oh, and Atsumu? Thank you so much for your feelings!”

“Osamu,”

“Hm?”

“Remember when you told me about your first love?”

“…yeah.” He sighs, heavily. “The umeboshi to my onigiri.”

“That’s a funny analogy,” with your arm over his, you leaned against his shoulder as the two of you walked along the pat. “but very fitting for someone you love.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it off. What’s yours?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” you look to the field.

“Ah, yes.” Osamu nods, following your gaze. “Sunflowers.”

Leaning against his arm, you murmur. “…he’s my sunflower, Osamu.”

Osamu doesn’t say anything for a while, watching how Kaoru and Reiki raced beside them. Two people missing from their group. “I know he is.”

“And you’re my chicken noodle soup.”

He snorts, looking down at you. “Why?”

“It’s my comfort food, remember? Also, you’re my best friend. You should feel honored.”

“Strange analogy you got there.” He waves at his grandparents, enjoying themselves watch the children play in the fountains.

“Not as strange as your umeboshi and onigiri,” you remind him, teasingly.

Rolling his eyes at that, he can’t deny the gentleness of your voice, its weight and wistfulness.

“Thanks for being my best friend, Osamu.”

Patting his hand over yours, he replies. “Always.”

Breaking away, you smile gratefully at him. He lets you walk off from him, taking a new path.

“Stop sounding like you’re about to die, (Y/N). S’not funny.”

Laughing, you could only tuck your hands behind you. “I’m just feeling nostalgic!”

“Where’re you going?”

“For a walk!”

“Geez, aren’t you tired of walking?”

“Nope,” and you walk further in the new path, Osamu watches you go, but doesn’t follow.

With all his heart, he wishes, for your birthday, all the best for you. Keeping his eyes on white, it slowly shrinks as you walk further and further, away and away, until you were out of sight.

Huffing and puffing, he looked around wildly, searching for (h/c) in a white dress. Atsumu almost cursed at how big of an area the park was, felt pathetic that he was winded out after some runs – he was a fucking athlete, god damn it! About to join a pro-fucking-league-

"Are you looking for someone?" a voice asked him, turning, Atsumu nearly sagged in relief when he found who he was looking for.

You.

"You," he says breathlessly, lips stretched into a wide smile.

Your face scrunched into a light frown, wondering, before producing a handkerchief in your hands, patting his sweaty face. “Have you been running around the park?”

“Nah, just now.” Your frown softens a bit. “Like I said, I was looking for you.”

Tilting your head to the side, confused, you asked. “Why?”

Atsumu opened his mouth, only to stop, realization getting the best of him. Shiiiiiiit.

Suddenly shy, he laughed it off, nervously, uncaring that people were looking at him funny. Concerned washed over your features, which warmed him from the inside, especially with you looking at him all pretty like that. But heck, even without the makeup, you were something else.

“Come on,” you opened a hand to him, an invitation.

Atsumu stared at it, at the scar on your middle finger. Placing his in yours, his larger hand over yours, the two of you began to walk hand-in-hand. You took him by the fields, deep in, as though to hide you amongst the flowers, to be one with them, to a secret place for you both.

For all his life, he couldn’t imagine having to miss out on the feeling, like everything he’s known his whole life is nothing compared to the bright, vibrant yellows and browns around him, in the girl dressed in white, leading him through. And he let you.

How is it that he’s never noticed? Why had he never thought of seeing you? It feels as though he’s led a life blind.

With a tug, the two of you exit the field and into a clearing, all Atsumu can focus on was your smile.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” you laugh, walking a few steps to the path. “walking across a sunflower field, I mean.”

Atsumu can’t keep his eyes off your smile, even as the both of you sit on the grass, facing the famed 'Sunflower Tower' made of Mikage granite.

The two of you found yourselves in your little hideaway, with nothing but the sky, the sun, the flowers, and the tower, and of course, each other.

“Sounds like something fresh outta a fairy tale,”

Nodding, you fold your legs, drawing your knees near. “Sunflowers are quite tall, after all. Tall and tough flowers.”

“Like me?”

Laughing, your turn to him, staring at him for a while. “Maybe. Especially with your blond dye.”

At the mention of his hair, he runs a hand through it. “…I’m, uh, thinking of keeping it.”

“You should,” your eyes follow his hands carding through his hair, dark roots slowly showing through. “it’ll be your signature look.”

Running a hand through the back of his hair, he fists them there, unable to look away from you.

You.

Amazing, smart, patient, kind, selfless, beautiful you.

“(Y/N)…” your name came easy through his mouth.

Tilting your head, letting strands of hair slip off your shoulders, you parrot back, “Atsumu…”

Just when did everything seem to feel different between you two? And just how long had he missed the way you look bathed in the sunlight?

Fidgeting a little, Atsumu could feel his strength leave him, being at the receiving end of your gaze. However, looking up, he also draws strength from them.

“I, uh, I kept them,” at your frowned confusion, he shyly – oh so quietly, adds, “your letters.”

Immediately, your face burns, feeling goosebumps run all over your spine. “Ugh,” slapping your hands over your eyes, you wish you could also slap the cringe away. “why.”

Atsumu smiles, despite your apparent horror, shrugging easily.

“It’s a reminder, I guess. A reminder that someone actually liked me. Genuinely and truly. Thought of me. Appreciated me. Written and practically poured her heart out in paper, when it’s the fucking twenty first century. Living proof that someone did that for me, but I was the asshole who humiliated her for something so genuine and heartfelt.”

You would’ve argued then and there, having seen the many love letters he and his brother received from his fan club over the years. And yet, the only one he recognizes are yours.

“Atsumu,” words were failing you, so you just sighed. “that’s behind us now.”

But the look on his face wouldn’t go away, eyes darkening – a dangerous storm brewing, festering.

"You can't return my feelings,” you say kindly. “that's not your fault neither is it your problem."

"Y-Yeah, but I could at least try to-"

"Atsumu, stop. Just, stop.” Turning to him, you take his hand in yours – the one with a scar, fingers rubbing comfortingly. “Please.” You’ve thought about it for a while, a long while, it needed to be said. “I'm not going to force you to like me back, it's not right and it's just wrong. Just because I liked you doesn't mean you're obligated to return my feelings when you clearly don't like me like that. That's that."

"B-But-"

"Besides, I've already accepted it – that my feelings can't reach you." swallowing down it all - the heartache and pain, you lifted your gaze and offered a smile. "If all you're worried about is me forgiving you, rest assured that I have."

"But I don't deserve your forgiveness!" he all but screams, shocking you, his eyes were wet and filled with so much remorse, pain, helplessness, and regret. "I've been an ass to you, (Y/N)! I hurt you while you were already hurting," he remembered having to listen to your cries, muffled behind your hands, the forced smiles, the pained look in your eyes, your back turned to him, his panic of not being able to find you during practice. The realization of the distance between both of you because of him. "I walked around you even though you were breaking from the inside. I might as well be worse than your deadbeat, asshole of a father because I wasn't there for you. I hurt you just as he did! I failed you! I-I-"

A gentle hand touched his elbow, shaking him, he looks up, meeting your kind (e/c) gaze. And that smile, that same kind smile that stretched to your eyes, reflecting an oh so loving gaze he knew he didn't deserve. Even without saying a word, you understood everything he wanted to say, all the sorries that's been resting on his tongue, heavy with the weight of his sins, of the burdens of hurting you, of the love he's had and continue to have for you.

He didn't deserve you.

You didn't deserve him.

But you both loved each other just as much.

"(Y-Y/N)," his voice was barely a whisper, wet and croaking. "I'm so sorry...!"

Enveloping you into a hug, he cries into your shoulder, repeatedly saying “I’m sorry” over and over again.

And you just hold him, caressing his head with your other hand.

“I’ll always love you, Atsumu,” your confession just tore at him, tears leaking more. “you will always be my first love, and that will never change.”

Atsumu hugs you tighter, cries harder. “I love you, too.”

When you let go, there was a smile on your face – a radiant, bright, reflected in your eyes that it brightened up your whole face. Like a sunflower greeting the sun, Atsumu found himself smiling, too. Released from the embrace, in his eyes, he feels his heart fill with a bittersweet sense of warmth and twinge.

Despite it all, it still felt good. It felt really good. Talking to you, settling things with you, loving you – it felt right.

Certain people come into our lives whether we like it or not, and you were no exception.

Sadly, just because you came into their life doesn’t automatically guarantee that they’ll stay with you forever. You can only have them for a time.

One of them may end up as your first love, but it's not guaranteed that they will be your last. They'll be just that - your first love, the first person you offered your heart to, but not the person who gets to keep it.

You were his forever person, the first love he realized too late.

end.

[stxrrywildflower]

positive

pairing - spencer reid x reader

summary - you tell spencer some exciting news

warnings - none, just fluff

word count - ?

spencer stepped into your shared apartment one afternoon after a long case. the team had traveled to arizona to track a series of murders, as per usual. the case had gone a lot longer than expected, close to two weeks. he was exhausted and wanted to see you.

once unlocking and opening the door, spencer noticed you sitting in the coach, obviously waiting for him to come home.

“spencer!” you greeted, a wide smile on your face as you stood up to greet the genius.

a look of relief flooded his face as you approached him. “hi,” he responded, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “how was the case?” you asked. “long, we managed to save the last girl but the unsub was suprisingly good at covering his tracks. that’s why it took so long,” spencer explained.

you nodded to his words, “well go unpack your bag, i have something to tell you.”

spencer raised his eyebrow slightly before grabbing his bag and moving to unpack. only five minutes later, he returned to the living room where you were leaning against the couch, biting your lip to hide a smile.

“so what’s going on?” spencer asked, standing across from you.

“well,” you started, “i found something out a couple days ago.” you noticed him look up slightly as if he was contemplating all the scenarios that would occur. you left out an airy laugh at that.

“i’m pregnant spencer,” you finally said.

spencer’s jaw dropped. “wait really?” he asked, voice full of desperation. you nodded, “i went to the doctors and they confirmed it.” spencer rushed forward, pulling you into a hug. you laughed as he spun you around slightly.

“you’re going to be a dad,” you whispered.

the genius grinned, “i’m going to be a dad.” tears began forming in both of your eyes at the thought of you both being parents. spencer leaned down in front of you, kissing your stomach softly, making you giggle.

spencer stood up once again, leaning forward and kissing you. “i love you so much,” he mumbled against your lips. “i love you,” you responded.

the two of you then made your way over to the couch, sitting down on it together. you sat against the arm of the chair and rested your legs on spencer’s lap. he rubbed circles on your shin as you both took in the moment.

“am i the first one you told?” spencer asked.

you shook your head, “sorry but nope. i told penelope after i found out when i brought her dinner one night. she was working on your case late and i decided to surprise her and tell her,” you explained.

“i’m guessing she was excited?”

“penelope? excited over someone having a baby? of course. she was so suprised and then hugged me and i think she may have started crying,” you laughed as you remembered the memory, “but she promised to keep it a secret until we told the rest of your team.”

“which brings me to my next point. savannah invited us over for dinner on saturday with her and derek. i figured we could tell them then and invite will and j.j. on friday to surprise them,” you offered.

spencer nodded, pulling you closer to him. “sounds perfect,” he spoke before kissing your temple.

____

that friday, j.j. and will were scheduled to arrive for dinner around 8, allowing for both of them, as well as you and spencer, to relax after work and give you time to cook.

the doorbell rang just on them. “i got it,” spencer called from the other room before he jumped up to answer the door. you placed a lid on the pot as you too went to greet will and j.j.

“y/n!” j.j. exclaimed, moving forward to give you a hug. you smiled and kissed her cheek affectionately. “hey, hands off my wife,” will called jokingly. you laughed and hugged him also as j.j. went over to spencer.

“dinner is almost ready, i just have to transfer it to a serving dish and then bring it out. in the meantime, i’m sure spencer would kobe to get you drinks,” you informed the couple. spencer followed you back into the kitchen, grabbing glasses. “you ready for this?” he asked you quietly. you nodded, “of course.”

just as you made your way back into the dining room, j.j. spoke up. “damn y/n, that’s a lot of food.” you turned to spencer who winked slightly. after placing the plate on the table, you stepped back.

“well i am eating for two now,” you revealed.

j.j.’s eyes went wide. “no way,” she started. you nodded, now standing next to spencer, each with wide smiles on your faces. “oh my god!” j.j. then exclaimed, rushing over to pull you into a hug. will chucked and went to spencer.

“you two are going to be amazing parents,” will stated.

you grinned at his words and looked towards spencer who j.j. was currently hugging. he shot you a warm smile, further proving will’s words.

the rest of the night was filled with many congratulations, talks about you and spencer moving into a real house, and nursery plans. it was a bit overwhelming but you knew j.j. and will had your best intentions in mind.

after they had left, spencer turned to you. “so that house?” he asked with a slight smirk.

____

on saturday night, you and spencer has driven over to the derek and savannah’s house. you both didn’t have any sort of a plan on how you were going to tell the two of them. after some thinking, you and spencer decided to just wing it.

that still didn’t calm your nerves though. sure you were close with derek and savannah but spencer was on a whole different level. hell, morgan little refered to spencer as his little brother. and that automatically made you his little sister-in-law.

“hello you two!” savannah greeted as she opened the door.

you smiled as she ushered you in, spencer right behind you. derek emerged from the kitchen, a towel over his shoulder. “oh no derek’s cooking, i think we might have to go,” you joked to spencer who laughed. derek mocked an offended expression before hugging you both.

“feel like i haven’t seen you in forever y/n,” derek spoke. “yeah we haven’t had a dinner part in awhile,” you replied.

as the four of you moved through the house and towards the dining room, savannah spoke up, “would you like a glass of wine?” you turned towards spencer with slightly wide eyes. he pressed his lips together before speaking up.

“you’re a doctor savannah, you of all people should know a pregnant woman shouldn’t drink.”

derek and savannah stopped in their tracks, freezing slightly before turning around towards you. “you’re pregnant?” derek asked, a grin already forming on his face. you nodded as a response.

just like with will and j.j., the couple immediately rushed over to hug you both. derek was already going on and on about how good of a dad spencer would be while savannah kept an arm around you as you watched the two in front of you.

“how excited are you?” she asked. you pondered for a slight moment, “it hasn’t fully set in yet but i mean i’m obviously ecstatic. incredibly nervous, though,” you answered. “that’s understandable, but if you want, i can contact the maternity ward at my hospital and once it’s time, you will be with the best doctors possible,” savannah offered. “that would be perfect,” you responded with a smile.

spencer soon moved so he was next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist. “see, told you this wouldn’t be bad,” he whispered in your ear. you grinned and leaned up to kiss his cheek. “yeah it wasn’t,” you replied firmly.

[tabloidtoc]

Us, February 1

You can now buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Brad Pitt’s Baby Drama -- is ex Nicole Poturalski pregnant? 

Page 2: Red Carpet -- Kaitlyn Dever 

Page 4: Who Wore It Best? Lili Reinhart vs. Lily Collins

Page 6: Loose Talk -- Stephen Colletti on his viral reunion with ex-girlfriend and former Laguna Beach costar Kristin Cavallari last year, Kyra Sedgwick on husband Kevin Bacon giving her a bikini wax, Priyanka Chopra Jonas’ response when asked how many children she wants with husband Nick Jonas, Jessica Simpson on kids Maxwell and Ace and Birdie whom she shares with Eric Johnson, Rob Lowe on finally spotting his very reclusive new neighbor Prince Harry 

Page 8: Contents 

Page 10: Hot Pics -- Michael B. Jordan and Lori Harvey enjoyed a romantic getaway together in St. Barts 

Page 11: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splashed around the ocean with their son Gunner in Carpinteria in California, Miley Cyrus and stylist pal Bradley Kenneth McPeek spent their evening at the beach watching the sunset in Malibu, Selma Blair went on a coffee run in L.A. 

Page 12: Josephine Skriver shot a commercial for Maybelline with a pretty bouquet in NYC, Vanessa Lachey wrapped up a Hot Tools Volumizer before gifting to a pal 

Page 13: Katie Holmes wore an all-denim ensemble while out and about with beau Emilio Vitolo Jr. in NYC 

Page 16: Padma Lakshmi stunned in a white dress at the Gotham Awards in NYC, G-Eazy shared a laugh with a female costar while filming a music video in Pasadena, Brian Austin Green and Sharma Burgess kiss in Hawaii 

Page 18: New Year, New Hair -- celebs are already changing up their ‘dos in 2021 -- Demi Lovato ditched her signature dark hair for a pink pixie cut, Tom Hanks called his bald look for the upcoming Elvis Presley biopic horrible, Kate Hudson with rose gold tresses, Taraji P. Henson with short magenta locks, Bella Hadid’s new dyed front strands give off Ginger Spice vibes, Keke Palmer rocking a mullet 

Page 20: It’s all relative -- good genes run in these stars’ families -- Gwyneth Paltrow and her mom Blythe Danner and her daughter Apple, Heidi Klum and Erna and daughter Leni, Jada Pinkett Smith and daughter Willow and mom Adrienne Banfield-Norris

Page 21: Chrissy Teigen and mom Vilailuck and daughter Luna, Jessica Alba and Cathy and daughter Honor, Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian West and her kids Saint and Chicago and Psalm and Mary Jo Houghton 

Page 22: Stars They’re Just Like Us -- Kelly Bensimon got where she needed to go via Citi Bike in NYC, Helena Christensen stepped out with her beloved dog Kuma in NYC, Meg Ryan filled her gas tank in L.A. 

Page 23: During a commercial break Good Morning America coanchor Robin Roberts sipped in a cool beverage in NYC, Rachel Brosnahan partnered with Amazon to support one of her favorite charities Covenant House in NYC

Page 24: Love Lives -- Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez are feeling refreshed after a recent trip to Turks and Caicos 

Page 25: Jessie James Decker and husband Eric Decker are enjoying a lot more alone time now that they’ve finally put a lock on their bedroom door, Jackson Guthy is Olivia Jade Giannulli’s No. 1 fan 

Page 26: Hot Hollywood -- After 10 years of marriage Elizabeth Chambers thought she knew the real Armie Hammer but when graphic messages surfaced of his alleged disturbing sexual fetishes of rape and cannibalism she was horrified and it’s like she’s living in a nightmare and she’s focused on protecting their kids Harper and Ford and she wants to shield them from seeing their dad so unhinged

Page 27: Kim Kardashian West is set to finally file for divorce from husband Kanye West by February 14  -- Kim wanted to hold the marriage together for the sake of their four kids she’s now ready to turn the chapter and move on with her life

* Meghan Markle’s half-sister Samantha Markle isn’t the only one telling all -- her estranged dad Thomas Markle now has a documentary in the works about his life and raising his famous daughter -- Meghan is absolutely repulsed by her father and she was praying that he’d stay out of her business and move on with his life but he won’t leave her alone and as a result Meghan will never let him meet her son Archie 

* Keeping Up With Us -- Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas have called it quits, Vanessa Bryant opened up about coping with loss just days before the one year anniversary of husband Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna’s tragic deaths, Jason Sudeikis has returned to work on season 2 of Ted Lasso amid his ex Olivia Wilde’s new romance with Harry Styles, Tom Cruise has splurged on robots to enforce Covid-19 safety protocols on the set of Mission: Impossible 7, Chrishell Stause and Justin Hartley have finalized their divorce, Dustin Diamond has been diagnosed with cancer 

Page 28: A Day in My Life -- Hunter Hayes 

Page 29: Chandler Powell and Bindi Irwin are counting down the days until they meet their baby girl -- Bindi who is in her third trimester cannot wait to be a mother and she’ll be wonderful at it 

Page 30: Cover Story -- What Does Brad Pitt Know? Questions arise after Brad’s ex Nicole Poturalski is spotted with what could be a baby bump 

Page 33: Inside Angelina Jolie’s new life 

Page 34: Erin and Ben Napier -- doing things our way -- the breakout HGTV stars sit down to talk about making it big and putting family first 

Page 36: Justin Timberlake turns 40 -- Justin’s highs and lows ahead of his milestone January 31 birthday 

Page 40: Beauty -- surprisingly sexy scents -- Ariana Grande’s latest R.E.M. 

Page 42: Entertainment -- Genevieve Padalecki on starring in Walker with real-life husband Jared Padalecki 

Page 43: James Lafferty and Alexandra Park on Everyone Is Doing Great

Page 46: Fashion Police -- when bad clothes happen to good people -- Cardi B edition 

Page 48: 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me -- President Joe Biden 

[stressed-depressed-emo-mess]

You’d make a pretty good killjoy

neutrals | gangs (It’s kinda both) for @killjoynest and the zone 5 fair.

Fun Ghoul always enjoyed speeding through the populated areas of Zone 2. He liked to watch the little children press their faces into a window to stare at the trans-am as it flew by. Usually on a run to meet up with a Juvvie at the picket fence of Zone one, Ghoul made sure to put on a show for the kiddos. The older kids, however, we’re definitely more friendly towards him. One time, there was a flock of teenagers on their bikes and as he slowed down, they started to peddle beside the car. As it turns out, there was a four-drac patrol just down the line, and the kids had stopped the dracs from doing anything. Once they were safe, Ghoul thanked the six of them individually, giving the leader of their mock gang one of his bracelets. The look on that kid’s face… Ghoul knew he had changed their life. Today was a perfect day for one of those drives, he was bored, Party and Kobes were cleaning up the orphanage after spilling glitter in it yesterday, and Jet and the Girl were off with Show Pony passing out fliers for the next Mad Gear and the Missle Kid concert. He decided to go on a drive. 

He was close enough to his favorite cluster of houses, ‘I should go visit them, I haven’t passed through there in a while,’ he thinks and goes to tell Party where he’s going before jumping into the car and speeding off towards Zone 2. He gets there in almost record time, but when he does it’s like a ghost town. No one’s outside, no one’s in the windows- hell the windows were blacked out. He shuts off the engine, and it’s completely silent, save for the occasional pop from under the hood of the trans-am and the howling desert wind. He goes to kick the engine back into gear and get out of there when he sees someone running towards him, waving their arms- it was the kid who had saved him from the dracs. He opens the door and gets out to greet the kid, but then he sees the terrified look on their face. Ghoul reaches back in the car to grab his gun before closing the door and running up to meet the kid. 

“Mr. Ghoul, you gotta help me- two- two dracs got my twin sib- sibling- we were playing- and- and I went to go get a glass of water and then when I got back I saw two dracs coming towards her- then I ran out here for help an- and I saw you- please- please help,” they pleaded, pulling Ghoul down the road.

“Where were you?” Ghoul asks, running to keep up with them.

“Just around this corner up here,” they say, falling quiet as they approached the gap in the buildings. Ghoul set his gun to kill, not wanting to scar the poor kids with a maim shot, and gave them a nod before leaping out around the corner and seeing two dracs manhandling another kid- a spitting image of the first. He shoots the first one square in the chest before the pigs can even see him, and he hits the second one on the arm, just above the kid’s head. The second drac, still standing pulls out his gun and fires at Ghoul, how dives out of the way, rolling to the other side. He noticed that he’d dropped his gun while dodging, so he runs forward to tackle the drac away from the kid. He saw a flash in his peripheral, the older kid had grabbed his sibling, and he lands flat of his back. He scrambles to get up, but a leather boot had pinned him back to the desert floor. When he looks up, he was face to face with the barrel of a white ray gun. He screwed his eyes shut, and said a quick prayer to the Witch that the kids got away safely. He hears the unmistakable sound of a lazar beam. The weight gets lifted off of his chest, and he hears the sound of a body hitting the ground. He opens one eye, squinting against the desert sun, and turns his head towards the sound of the fallen body. He gets greeted by a face-full of drac, and he jumps away and clambers off the ground, hand instinctively landing on his empty holster. He spins around when someone calls his name,

“Mr. Ghoul, are you ok?” the kid asks, gripping his gun like it was their lifeline and a wild expression on their face, and it clicks. The kid had picked up his gun and shot the drac before it could hurt him. 

“Thanks to you, kid,” he says, a proud grin spreading on his face, mirrored by them. They walk forward to return the gun, but Ghoul holds his hand up, “Nope. You save my life, and probably yours and your sister’s, with that gun. You deserve to have it. But make sure you switch it to stun before you go waving it around. You know, youngster, you’d make a pretty good killjoy.”

Their eyes lit up and their smile grew bigger, “Really? You mean it??” 

“I do. Now get. We don’t want another cloud coming through and seeing you with me, now do we?”

“No sir, we don’t”

“Dude, just call me Ghoul, you just saved my ass.” They looked like they were about to explode they were so happy. 

“Vaya!! Come on, we should get inside. Thank you, for saving me, I mean.” the twin said, walking up behind Vaya; was that their name?

“All in a day’s work. Stay safe, you here?” I tell the pair

Vaya turned to their sibling before back to me, nodding silently and following their twin into the house. Ghoul sighs and shakes his head, and turns away from the house back to the drac’s bodies and removing the masks from their heads and saying a quick prayer. Once in the trans-am again, he waves back at the twins who have their faces pressed into the window. He winks at them before doing a doughnut in the street and then speeding off to meet up with the rest of his gang. 

He chuckles and reached for the small radio in the car, turning it to Party’s frequency and saying, “Heya Party? I’m gonna need another gun.”

‘What did you do this time?’ Party asks with an exasperated tone.

“I shot some dracs, saved a kid, almost died, and then gave the gun to the other kid who saved me,” he said, grinning like an idiot.

‘All I heard was ‘Almost died’ so I’m just going to assume that it was a normal day.’ Party quips

“Hey now, I almost die only on special occasions. Like Jet’s birthday, you remember that?”

‘Just get your ass back here and help us clean up. If the dracs don’t kill you before you get here, Kobra’ll do it himself.’ 

Party hangs up with a click, and Ghoul laughs to himself. He loved his crew, and he really hoped that those kids would find on that was as good as his was. They might have been neutrals, but Ghoul could tell that there was a little something extra about those two.

‘Oh well,’ he thinks, ‘I’m sure I’ll see them once more before the end.’ 

Little did he know, that he would never see them again before his death eight years later.

[surveysonfleek]

1572.

Does it annoy you when people make their default of them kissing someone? haha i honestly don’t see anything like this ever anymore.

Are there any names you can think of that just go well together? probably, none are coming to me rn though.

Do you enjoy museums? yes, i love them!

Have you ever met anyone famous? not including concerts, i’ve caught a ‘glimpse’ of many celebrities such as kobe, brad garett, vanessa hudgens, hailey baldwin etc. and i’ve properly met mel gibson and niall horan because of my old job.

Describe the scariest dream you can remember? just dreaming that i’m having sleep paralysis even though i’m not.

Have you ever been to a mint where they make money? nope. would be cool i guess.

Do you ever get really, really hyper? no.

Are you left or right handed, or ambidextrous? right.

If ambidextrous, do you prefer writing with your right or left hand? -

What is your favourite subject at school? visual arts.

Do you ever use Yahoo! Answers? For seriousness or for trolling? nope.

Have you ever stepped on a thumb tack? no, i’d definitely remember if i did!

Do you have a username you use for everything? Or does it change each site? i basically have the same for all.

Are you in Miami bitch? :D no.

How did you break the last bone you broke? never broken one *touchwood*

Have you ever used Nexopia? no.

What has been the best year of school for you so far? school was literally a decade ago lol.

Do you have any disorders or disabilities? no.

Do you ever watch How To videos? yes.

Do you enjoy trolling? no.

Have you ever been to an emergency room? If so, what for? not often but i did once because my sister broke her arm.

Which emoticon face do you use most often? Things like: :) :( :D :P :L D: i don’t really use them anymore. it’s all about emojis now haha.

Are you a musical sort of person? I mean, are you musically talented? nope. i was interested as a kid and learned piano and guitar but i got over it.

How did you break the first phone you broke? just wear and tear.

Did you have a tree house when you were a kid? If so, did you ever fall from it? no.

Have you ever been on vacation to a snow field? nope.

When you go on vacation, what mode of transport do you usually use? if money wasn’t an issue, i’d fly everywhere then travel everywhere within the city/destination via a private driver.

What is the worst show, in your opinion on MTV? The best? i don’t watch mtv.

Do you like Jason Derϋlo? not really. he strikes me as suuuper cheesy.

Are there any movies that just creep you out so much? nah.

Have you ever had a close encounter with a shark? only at the aquarium.

Do you have any hotties on your walls? no.

Do you ever wish dinosaurs came back to life and there were cute and snuggly? no.

How many countries have you been to? quite a few. maybe 20?

How many states have you been to? In all the countries you’ve been to? haha i would not have the patience to list it.

What is a song you heard long before it became popular and everyone liked it? idk.

Do you enjoy designing things? Anything? nah.

Do you know anyone who has gotten themselves into a serious accident? no.

Can you play anything on the violin? nope.

Do you know what a raincheck at stores is? yes.

Whose funeral was the last you went to? my bf’s grandmother.

Who got married at the last funeral you went to? no one.

What do you think of excessively long names? What about their shortenings? i think... nothing.

Do you ever get hay fever? yes. not all the time but i swear there’s a particular flower/pollen that sets me off.

Do you know anyone with the last name Pilbeam? no.

When you were little, did you have those magnet letters on your fridge? yes hahaha, it came free with a kids magazine.

Have you seen the Techno Jeep video on YouTube? no.

Does your house have a wood fire? no.

Do you know what a Pibgorn is? no.

Can you learn the lyrics of a song by ear, or do you have to search them up? mostly by ear assuming that the lyrics are being enunciated properly. 

Do you like the name Amy? i’m indifferent. i work with an amy.

Have you ever got an x-ray? How about a brain scan? xray, yes.

[basiccortez]

Defenseless Ch. 2

synopsis: CJ Jackson, looks like she has it all. Fancy car, fancy house, name  brand clothing. Her parents, top boosters to Beverly, with money to make all sorts of situations go away. As well as the Jackson family looks put together, past secrets haunt them. With the new transfer student catching the eye of CJ Jackson, can old friendships be fixed. Or are somethings just meant to stay broken. "I told you, as long as I live, no one would know."

word count: 5.2k 

pairing: Jordan Baker x OC (CJ Jackson) 

warnings: talk of drugs, talk of addiction, talk of a juvenile being in trouble, teen drinking, language, high school boys being high school boys. 

"Maybe, we shouldn't have kept her in that school."

"Chris, we talked about this. The best way for her to contain a normal life is by staying there."

"You didn't hear her cry today, Pauline." She could hear his heavy sigh, "That baby has lost everything, and you know how teenagers can be. I don't want to lose her anymore than we already have."

"I can email Mrs. Riley, and tell the boys to be on the lookout for her. You know Colton won't let anything slip."

CJ heard her dad's loud laughter from the spot she sat. She sat on the dark staircase behind the kitchen wall listening to her parents talk. After she had come home from her terrible dance rehearsal, she had hid in her room all night doing homework and listening to music.

"Oh I know," Her dad said, "Cobe won't let anything slip either. Carver has some pull with the football boys. Roman will help too."

"What more of an Army does one girl need." Her mother said.

CJ smiled weakly, thinking of all the boys in her life. Cobe, the eldest Jackson boy, was a senior, and a soccer star. He ruled the field much like he ruled the school being the student body preside. And, holds the title like if he were the king. Every booster presentation, he wore his best suit and tie, cleaned his shoes, and had his waves done perfectly. The whole Jackson family thought he would go to Stanford or Yale, his dream colleges, but he caught them all off guard by joining the Army when he turned 18. Their mother was pissed, and didn't talk to him for 2 days. Pauline sat down with her oldest, scolded him for not telling her, but listened to his side, and supported him.

Colton and CJ were twins. Colton being the older one, and not letting CJ live that down, at all. They both had the biggest brown eyes, ones that looked like pools of honey when the sunlight caught them. Colton's main focus was basketball, and everything basketball. There were times that he wished he was named after the great Kobe Bryant. But Cobe always reminded that he should've been born first. Colton was yet to commit anywhere, wanting to wait until after his junior year. He was praying for UCLA or LSU.

Carver was the youngest Jackson sibling, being a sophomore, and an amazing tight-end, getting his dad's football talent. Even as a sophomore, he had offers already, but much like Colton, he was waiting until senior year. Carver, even though as athletic as the other brothers, was also involved in other things. Music was his passion, growing up with old "cook-out" music- as their father would say- lead him to wanting to be a music major. Carver's room was littered with vinyl records, concert posters, and 8-tracks. CJ and Carver could spend hours arguing about the main message behind Tupac's Dear Mama.

Roman was the last boy in CJ's life. He, unlike the other boys, was not related to CJ. Roman was also on the football team, and played defensive end. He was a junior like CJ and Colton. Roman had basically lived in the Jackson house, being best friends with Colton, and dating Carver. Roman and Carver had been dating for almost 2 years now, and no one knew besides the Jackson family.

Carver was out to the school, and everyone couldn't be prouder of him. Carver wasn't afraid to be who he was. The boys on the football team accepted him. But Roman, was fearful of what his parents would do. He grew up in church, and hearing his mother curse about the pride parade every year in Beverly Hills. He was terrified about what his football friends would say. Yeah, they accepted Carver, but that didn't stop the whispers in the locker room when Carver would leave.

"He was totally starring at your junk," "If he tackles you, he might get hard" "Don't catch the ball like a fairy" "I don't wanna be the only one in the showers with him," "We should get rainbow uniforms" "Maybe he would do better on the cheer team"

All the siblings had heard the whispers and rallied around Carver. CJ was Carver's biggest fan, and biggest fighter. She had taken Carver to his first pride parade when he was in 8th grade. It broke Carver when CJ was sent away. He would visit her every weekend, and send letters nonstop. He was thrilled when she came home early. But like everyone else, he had a reputation to uphold. So even he turned his back on her at school today.

"It'll all work out for her, she's too strong to let anything break her." Pauline said coming up to her husband. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his back, "Where are they anyway? It's too quiet."

"CJ is around the corner." Chris said and CJ froze. "You've been sitting on those stairs since you were a little girl. Can't believe there's no ass print in the wood yet."

"Chris!" Pauline said laughing. CJ let out a laugh and stood up from the stairs. She walked into the kitchen in her baggy basketball shorts and a loose t-shirt, that was probably one of her brothers, "Hey baby girl." Pauline kissed CJ's forehead, as she walked over to the oven to get dinner out, "Cauliflower steaks- request from Cobe, with  asparagus, zucchini, mushroom sauce. Pasta salad and mac n cheese for a side. Apple pie for dessert, request from-"

"Me! Ain't no more goofy ass fake ass-"

"Finish that sentence, Colton, I dare you." Mom said giving Colton her famous glare. Colton shut his mouth real quick and kissed his mom's cheek as he came and grabbed a water out of the fridge, "Boy! Go shower too! You stank!"

"Smell of success, momma!" Colton said lifting his arms up, and showing off the pit stains on his red t-shirt.

"Ugh! Who the hell let the skunk in?" Cobe said coming down the stairs and smelling Colton.

"You think you got jokes, Pres?" Colton said walking over to his older brother.

"At least he don't smell like an onion." Carver said, Roman tagging along behind him, coming into the kitchen.

"Y'all all smell!" CJ said laughing. All the boys looked at each other, before all running over to CJ.

The girl squealed and took off running from her brothers. She ran towards the opening to the living room, but Cobe ran around the other side and blocked her. She quickly turned towards the dinning room, where Carver was waiting for her. Carver ran towards her, and CJ turned around running towards the kitchen again, where her dad was ready to catch her. She dodged past her dad, and was quickly picked up in strong arms. She fought against them until she was thrown into the pool.

"Ah!" She screamed as she hit the cold water. She came up from the water splashing, and laughed as she saw all 4 men, plus Roman laughing on the pool side, "Y'all think y'all funny?"

"Oh we real funny." Colton said.

"You children!" Pauline laughed coming out of the kitchen. She threw her dish towel over her shoulder and crossed her arms. All 5 males turned towards her and froze, "Y'all done with the games?"

"Yes ma'am." They all answered at the same time.

"Good. Cobe, you're gym bag does not live by the front door, pick it up. Colton, I know I didn't raise you to smell like a garbage can, hit the shower. Carver, see that table in there, set it. Roman, you can help him. Mr. Jackson, that  salad ain't gonna make itself." Pauline said, and all the boys went their instructed ways, "And you," She said looking at her daughter who was soaking wet in the pool, "Dry off and get clean."

The next day, The Jackson siblings all arrived together in their shiny white Jeep Wrangler. Colton parked the car next to Roman's black Tahoe. CJ used to joke that Roman looked like security detail for a famous person driving that black SUV around.

"Morning, Jacksons." Roman said to the bunch as they got out of the car. Roman gave a head nod to Carver. Carver rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut.

"You going to Mrs. Riley first?" Colton asked his younger sister.

"Have to every day." CJ answered and Colton sighed, "Go on, I'll be fine."

"Mom said to look-"

"I know what mom said," CJ cut off Cobe, "But I can handle myself."

"You can eat lunch with me and Alana." Cobe offered to his sister, who just scrunched her nose up.

"If there's anyone that I hate more than Emily Pierce, it's Alana Kadee." CJ said and pulled her bag over her loose t-shirt, "I'll be fine. Besides, I have him." CJ smiled seeing Spencer waiting behind her group of brothers, "Bye."

The boys watched as CJ pushed through them and over to Spencer James, who greeted the Jackson girl with a wide smile. The two of them walked into school together, and could fell all eyes on them.

"We trust him?" Colton asked the guys.

"He a good guy, little rough on the team player shit, but he's good." Roman said.

"As long as he don't do pull a Jordan Baker on her, I'm fine with it." Cobe said and the guys agreed. "Ain't no man gonna hurt my sister again."

CJ had battled her way through Anatomy, composition, and physics by the time the lunch bell had rang. Spencer waited outside of the girl's classroom and walked with her to lunch. Spencer talked about practice and a pool party at the Baker household. CJ was quiet and let Spencer vent practice and how it went.

"So how was it hanging out with the steroid set?" CJ asked, as she picked up a piece of her sushi.

"Are you serious?" Spencer asked the girl.

CJ laughed and shook her head, "I'm kidding. I used to mess with them and say that."

Spencer laughed and studied the girl before asking, "What happened between you and them? They know you, but they act like they don't wanna know you."

CJ took a deep breath, she knew this would come up sooner or later, "We used to be close, and then things happened. They became football stars and I became the. . .social pariah of Beverly High school."

"Man, shut up you're cool." Spencer said.

"Okay, yeah, says the new guy." CJ joked, "It's shocking, I know, but no one is eager to hang out with juvie girl, post detention center."

"Juvie? Elaborate."

"I just went down a bad path, things happened out of my control." CJ shrugged, "Parents paid a big time lawyer to help me out, and here I am. 75k and 90 days later. I'm fine now, just 90 days of parole."

"Is it?" Spencer asked, looking into her honey brown eyes.

CJ was about to answer, when a tray was placed loudly down on the table. The Jackson girl looked up and saw Cobe swinging his leg over the lunch table bench. Before CJ could protest him sitting there, Roman pulled up next to her. Carver sat his stuff down on the other side of Spencer, and Colton decided to nestle himself right in between CJ and Spencer. CJ rolled her eyes and leaned forward to still talk to Spencer.

"Spencer, meet the other, uglier versions of me. Cobe, Colton, Carver, and Roman- the adopted brother." CJ said introducing the boys.

"Nice to meet you," Spencer said politely, greeting all of the boys.

"Welcome to Beverly, I'm Colton, older twin, basketball star, black belt."

"He's lying." "I'm not lying." The twins said at the same time. CJ glared at her twin brother, as a familiar female voice started speaking.

"Spencer?" The voice asked, "Oh hey Jackson brothers, and Roman."

"Hey Layla," Carver answered the light-skinned girl.

"I'm throwing a party at my place tonight. It's just a small team thing, to celebrate the start of the season, and I was hoping you could make it." Layla spoke. CJ looked down at her food and picked at it as she was talking. Cobe could feel the tension rolling off of his younger sister's body, and wanted to yell at Layla for even approaching them.

"Yeah, for sure. We'll try to come by for a bit." Roman answered for the boys. Layla smiled at him and looked at CJ.

"Great," Layla said to the table, "Bye CJ." CJ looked up at Layla as she walked away and didn't say anything. The boys all looked at CJ who just rolled her eyes. Colton watched Spencer, as his head followed Layla as she walked away, and gave him a look.

"What?" Spencer asked.

"A, she's taken. That's Asher's girlfriend, okay?" Colton said.

"And B, those parties, I'd stay clear." CJ spoke up.

Spencer agreed, but there was a look in his eye that gave away his true intentions. The lunch bell rang, dismissing the teens back to class. CJ said goodbye to the boys before heading to Mrs. Riley's room for a check in and get her community service project.  Her project was based out of Crenshaw Community Center. She'd be tutoring elementary and middle school children in Science.

When dance practice rolled around, CJ was determined to take her spot back. CJ was the first one dressed and in the gym for practice. It gave her enough time to turn her phone on and go over the Countdown dance, like it was supposed to be done.

Jordan could hear the music from down the hall as he walked Hadley to the locker room, "Are you late?" He asked his girlfriend.

"No. . . it must be Emily practicing. No matter how hard she tries, she will never be CJ good. That girl is amazing, the way she can move. Looks just like her mom when she's dancing." Hadley spoke.

"Yeah. I remember all those dance awards on her walls." Jordan smiled remembering going to her competitions, "I should get going," Jordan kissed Hadley goodbye before walking down the hallway towards the music coming from the gym.

Jordan stood in the doorway in awe, watching the way CJ flawlessly moved around the space. She was completely lost in the tempo of the song playing. Her body was telling a story, and so was the song she chose. Jordan could see the pain that was coming across in her movements. The way it looked like she couldn't catch the beat, but she was perfectly on time.

"Just don't give up, I am working it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down. It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around. Hey, whataya want from me. Whataya want from me?"

Jordan couldn't help but feel guilt listening to the words. The song was picked for a reason, and CJ knew it. He watched as she flawlessly leaped into the air, and land it perfectly. Her turns were executed without any hesitation and with full control. When the music finished, she ended on her knees, her chest moving up and down rapidly as her eyes were closed, trying to slow her heart rate.

Jordan didn't know if he should clap or say something, before he could move he heard clapping from the other side of the gym. CJ opened her eyes and briefly glanced at Jordan before looking to where the sound was coming. Spencer James walked into the gym, a wide smile on his face, and CJ stood up from the ground. Jordan left as Spencer started talking to the girl. He headed down to the football locker room, trying even harder to forget about CJ Jackson.

"That was. . . amazing." Spencer spoke to the light skin girl.

"Thanks. I listened to a lot of music in juvie, and this was one of my favorite songs. It spoke to me." CJ said and her eyes drifted over to where Jordan was standing.

"Well it was amazing." Spencer said.

"It was," The pair was cut off by a familiar annoying voice breaking into the gym, "Excuse me, Spencer is it? You need to leave, closed practice. And CJ, next time you want extra ''practice'' run it by the captain first." Emily said to the two.

"Show more later?" Spencer asked CJ and the girl smiled, watching Spencer walk off.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but you will never hold the captain spot again. You might have been the best dancer in the conference, but not anymore." Emily sneered to CJ. CJ took one step getting in Emily's face, and could feel the girl uncomfortable by the sudden conforntation.

"The only person who won't be holding a captain spot anymore is you. And trust me sis, it's not me who needs the extra practice. The mess you call a dance, is a shit show and you know it. It's a Beyonce song, and you ain't it sweetie.  You are more like. . ." CJ paused looking the ginger girl up and down, "Chanel West Coast, and I'm Nicki Minaj. No competition at all."

CJ pushed past Emily, and grabbed her water bottle as the rest of the dance team started filling in the gym. Emily walked over to a group of girls and yelled at them to start stretching. Mrs. Williams came into the gym and set down her clipboard and called all the girls together.

"We are learning a new dance today, and CJ will be teaching it." Mrs. Williams said. CJ smirked as she felt Emily's glare on her back, "So let's get ready. Spread out."

"Chrisy?" Her mother spoke, knocking on her bedroom door. CJ sat up from the blankets she was buried under and paused the Twilight movie she was watching, "No plans tonight? It's a Friday night."

"These are my plans." CJ said pointing to a half naked Taylor Lautner on her TV screen.

"Half naked werewolf boys aren't a plan." Pauline laughed and walked over to sit on her daughter's bed, "I know that there is a team party at Layla's tonight."

"I know. I knew I probably couldn't go anyway."

"Your curfew is midnight, on the dot, no later. Colton will drive you and Dad will pick you up."

"Mom, are you say. . ."

"You have been through enough. Your Dad, Mrs. Riley, and I talked, we agreed that going to a team party with your brothers was okay. As long as you promise you can pass a drug test tomorrow morning."

CJ jumped up from her bed and hugged her mother tightly. Pauline smiled and hugged her daughter back. It was the first time in months that the two have hugged each other like this, in a happy moment.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" CJ squealed.

"You're welcome. Now get dress, child, you look a mess. And no Jackson child of mine will be looking a mess." Pauline said smiling at her daughter. CJ smiled at her mother and then jumped up towards her closet. CJ invited her mother to stay and help her get ready for the party.

Pauline, her mother, was a retired Dallas Cowgirl dancer, and now an editor for Vogue. Pauline had met Chris Jackson after the Chiefs had played the Cowboys, and it was love at first sight. She had grown up in east Oakland, and had come from nothing. She danced to put herself through college, which she ended up getting her degree in Dance. She worked hard for what she wanted, and wanted people to know that. She expected the best out of her kids, and wanted them to always put their best foot forward.

CJ let her mom fix her box braids, pulling them half up, half down. She wore a baggy black Aliyah t-shirt with a stripped long sleeve underneath it. Her jeans were loose with more hole then there were jean. She pulled on her crisp white air forces and smiled at herself.

"Beautiful." Pauline smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead, "Remember, midnight. Colton's downstairs waiting for you."

CJ nodded and headed downstairs where her twin was waiting. CJ and Colton made their way to the lime green 1972 camaro, which was Colton's baby. He only brought it out for important events such as parties, homecoming, dates, and prom.

"Scratch the paint, and you're dead." He told his twin as she opened the door to the car.

The party was in full swing when they arrived. The door to the Keating household was wide open, and you could hear the music from down the street. Teens were on couches doing bong hits, shots, making out. Red solo cups were in almost every teen hand. Splashes could be seen as the glass doors to the outside were pulled back.

"Hey Colt!" A half naked JJ said as he came up to the twins, "CJ, my girl." JJ tried to hug the twins but they both pushed him back seeing as he was soaking wet.

"Leave it to JJ to make me feel somewhat welcome." CJ said to her brother. He smirked and threw his arm over her shoulder.

"You are welcome, you always have been. If they don't accept you, you don't need them. Now come on, I guarantee there is a Sprite tropic berry with your name on it."

At some point during the party, the siblings had broken away from each other. Colton was probably in some room with one of the many girls at the party. And CJ sat alone, her feet swinging over the side of the deck, as looked at the California hills. It was peaceful for her, she hadn't seen the lights of the city like this in a long time. The view of Layla's house had been one of the many things she liked about it.

"You lost?" Jordan Baker said standing behind her. CJ sighed and didn't say anything, but swing her legs back to the side of the deck, and stand up. She brushed herself off and started walking away from Jordan, "Where are you going?"

"Away. I know when I'm not wanted somewhere." She said to the QB. Jordan sighed and grabbed her arm stopping her in her tracks. CJ tore her arm away from his grasp and looked at him, "You dumb or had one too many concussions?"

"CJ. . ."

"Your parents made it pretty damn clear what they expect from you and Olivia. And that's to stay away from me. So why don't you do that." CJ sneered.

"CJ, Jesus Christ, would you just stop!" Jordan said trying to stop her again, "I wanted to say sorry, and just talk to you."

"Sorry? You wanted to say 'sorry'? Sorry isn't going to suffice. What would've been the epic sorry would've been telling the truth that day, but you couldn't do that."

"CJ I-"

"It's fine, Jordan. Now leave me alone." CJ said and turned on her heel, and trying to get as far away from that party as possible. She knew she shouldn't have been there, but she thought, maybe if they were all drunk they'd forget about the mistakes that were made last year.

CJ woke up with the worst possible headache that she could have. And she hadn't even been drinking. Her parents had woken her up bright in early to go to the scrimmage game. The boosters were invited, meaning her parents. So CJ sat on the cold bleachers with her green cardigan on, shivering in the cool morning. She watched her mother hand Carver and Roman each a water bottle and a snack. Cobe was busy introducing the boosters to the football coaches and showing them the additions to the football stadium.

"Why am I here?" CJ asked her mother.

"Learning how to be a football wife." Pauline joked, causing the young girl to laugh, "I will never understand why women spend so much on botox and fake boobs." Pauline glanced over at JJ's mother, who had just gotten her 2nd boob job done.

"Cause black don't crack, but white sure do." CJ said and Pauline shoved her shoulder laughing, "Let's go Carvy!" CJ cheered watching her younger brother run on to the field.

"That number 11 looks rough." Her dad pointed out, coming to sit by his wife and daughter, "Thought that was supposed to be wonder boy, looks like under boy to me."

CJ looked at Spencer, who was getting the snot beat out of him. He looked awful, and completely out of it. CJ wondered what had happened when she left the party last night. Every play that was made to Spencer, he messed it up in some way. Each time the offense would walk off the field, he looked beat and tired. At the end of the scrimmage, Spencer walked off the field looking defeated. Carver had made his way over to were his parents and sister were standing.

"Nice work, young man." Chris said patting his son on the shoulders, "Almost as good as me."

"I am as good as you."

"What's up with that James kid?" Pauline asked her youngest.

"No clue, but dude reeks like a party bus. Him and JJ must've had a competition last night." Carver said looking over at where Spencer was now talking to Jordan and Asher, "Or those two did something."

The Jackson family turned and watched a heated argument breakout. Spencer threw his helmet down and lunged towards Asher. CJ gasped and took a step forward, but Chris put his arm out in front of her, stopping her movement. The family watched Billy Baker came and controlled Spencer, and the assistant coach take Jordan and Asher away from the spectacle. CJ looked at the rest of the boosters who were also looking at the show in front of them. Cobe was quick to catch CJ's pleading glance to get them out of here, and somewhere else.

"Alright, let's go see where the best team, my team, the soccer team is practicing." Cobe said and the boosters followed him out of the football stadium.

"Billy was pulling for this kid and I have no reason why." Chris said watching Billy talk to his son.

"Maybe the Bakers should worry about they're own kids, seems like they can't control them." Pauline said and Chris nodded in agreement, "Let's go, the boys should be about done."

"I'll meet you guys at the car." CJ said and her parents agreed. CJ waited a moment and then walked over to where Jordan was. He was the only football player left on the field, "You do that to every new player?"

Jordan looked over at the Jackson girl and shrugged, "You don't get it."

"Oh I don't?" CJ questioned and walked over to Jordan, "Cause it looks like. . . you're being a huge dick."

Jordan sighed and set his helmet down on the bench, "You don't see the way he looks at Spencer. Like. . .he's the son he's always wanted."

"J, you know that's not true." CJ said using the nickname she had given him. Jordan couldn't help the butterflies that arose in his stomach when she said that, "Look where you are at, right now. Beverly Hills High School. Where do you live? In the Hills. What car do you drive? A 2019 camaro convertible. What does Spencer have?"

"I know. . ." Jordan says hanging his head in shame, "You're right."

"Your dad is trying to give a kid a chance. Your dad was much like Spencer, growing up in Crenshaw and someone gave him a chance. He is doing that to Spencer. You don't get it, because you have always had that chance."

"When did you get like this?" Jordan said looking at the girl.

"Like what?" CJ asked.

"Reasonable." Jordan simply said.

"I spent 90 days in a detention center. I was lucky, someone gave me a chance. If someone who's dad wasn't a retired football player and who's mother wasn't a editor for vogue who couldn't hire the best attorney in their county did the same thing I did. . . they would've gotten jail time instead of 90 days in juvie." CJ answered.

"Why didn't you take the plea? Why didn't you want a defense?" Jordan asked her but CJ just turned her head, "Why did you even take the blame anyway?"

CJ sighed and looked in Jordan's brown eyes, "You know why."

"But do I really? CJ, you wouldn't have been sent to-"

"Jordan." The two teens looked over to where the call came from. Laura Baker stood off the side, her arms folded in front of her. CJ took a step back from Jordan and looked down at her feet. She could feel the hate radiating off of Laura Baker. If looks could kill, CJ would be dead by now, "Why don't you go hit the showers. Now."

Jordan nodded and grabbed his helmet before walking off the field. CJ watched him leave and turned on her heel to head to her parents' car. Laura stepped in front of CJ, cutting off her path and looked down at the teen.

"What are you doing here? Do you needed reminded about the terms of your parole, Miss Jackson?" Laura asked the teen.

Before CJ spoke her mother spoke for her, "No, she doesn't, Laura. The best thing you can do is stop talking to my daughter before we have another issue on your hands."

Laura looked at the Jacksons before moving out of the way. Pauline led her daughter to the waiting black range rover, and where her husband stood. Chris opened the door for CJ and his wife. CJ looked at Laura one last time before her dad pulled out of the parking lot.

[all-things-skam]

Jens’ season | Chapter four

Saturday, January 25th

Last night’s kiss had messed with Jens’ head - and feelings. Lucas was the first guy Jens had ever kissed, the first guy he’d ever had straddled like this, and he wanted more. So much more.

He hadn’t stopped thinking about the kiss since he left the party, since Lucas’ lips left his. The pressure of Lucas’ lips on his, plush and soft and needy, the taste of weed lingering on his tongue, the small moans. It haunted him.

It also confirmed that, maybe, he wasn’t straight as a stick.

If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the burning touch of Lucas's fingers on the small of his back, grazing his skin underneath his hoodie. Or his lips mouthing against his jaw and neck, fingers lost in each other's hair. Even the faint smell of his cologne was engraved into his head, mixed with an herbal hint from the joint they were smoking.

Jens breathed out, staring at his ceiling.

Someone cleared their throat and Jens glanced down, catching Jana standing in his doorway, wearing a green sweater and a beanie, looking a bit nervous.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Jens sat up, removing his headphones from his head. ‘’Hi?’’

‘’Hi,’’ Jana said, smiling tightly, walking in. ‘’Your sister let me in.’’

Jens nodded. Of course she did.

‘’What’s up?’’

‘’Just listening some music.’’ And thinking about Lucas.

She nodded, taking a seat on the end of Jens’ bed. ‘’Still into that rap stuff?’’

Jens smiled, remembering how much she hated it every time he’d play any rap songs. Sometimes, he would even purposely play those songs to piss her off. She said their music was degrading toward girls and only talked about drugs, money and cars. While she wasn't all wrong, some songs had deeper subjects than naked chicks and smoking weed.

‘’Yep.’’

‘’Where were you last night? Aaron said you were there, but I didn’t see you. You didn’t even sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to Amber with us.’’

Despite the honesty rule between them, Jens didn’t feel like sharing his bathroom makeout session experience with Jana. For starters, it was none of her business. They weren't dating, Jens could kiss whoever he wanted - boys and girls. And, he didn’t know if Lucas was out, if he wanted to be out - hell, he didn’t even know if he was gay. He’d feel bad for accidentally outing someone.

‘’I...I was with Kobe. You remember Kobe from the skatepark?’’

It wasn’t completely a lie. He did see Kobe at the party...to sell him weed.

‘’Vaguely,’’ she responded, frowning a little.

‘’He owed me weed and we went outside to smoke to not stink up Amber’s house.’’

Jana gave him a look, unimpressed. ‘’Weed, again?’’

Jens rolled his eyes. Here we go again…

He didn't get why she was so against weed. She was the same when they were dating, making a whole case every time he’d smoke a joint with Robbe and Moyo. It’s not that big of a deal. Marijuana was even becoming legal in some countries.

‘’If you’re here to lecture me on weed again-’’

‘’I’m not,’’ she cut. ‘’Did I do something?’’

Jens frowned, surprised. ‘’No. Why are you asking me that?’’

The brunette looked down, about to ask the dreaded question. ‘’You’ve been avoiding me at parties and at school, it’s like you don’t want me anymore. Did I do something wrong?’’

Her constant insecurity and constant need to make sure she was wanted or desired had always ticked Jens off. He liked the people he was with to be confident and sure of themselves, it’s one of the things that drew him to Lucas.

Sighing, Jens tried to keep his cool despite his growing annoyance. ‘’I’m just not in the mood, okay? Is it so impossible to accept that I don't feel like having sex all the time?’’ He didn’t want to come off as angry, trying his best to keep his chill with Jana, but he was just so annoyed by her unannounced presence that his temper was getting the best of him.

‘’We don't have to have sex all the time, it’s just-’’ She sighed, biting her bottom lip nervously. ‘’What are we, Jens?’’

‘’I don’t know, Jana…’’ he responded with honesty.

Where was this sudden desire for clarity coming from? Up until last week, she didn't seem to mind what they were. They made out in his room two weeks and she didn't pester him with questions while he his hand was down her underwear. Why the sudden urge?

She had a perfect timing too. As if Jens didn't have other things to do than think about his relationship status with Jana. Breaking news, he had other problems, more important ones, to take care of and she wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

‘’You don’t know? What do you mean?’’ she repeated, dumbfounded.

Jens sighed. ‘’Jana…’’

‘’What, Jens? It’s a pretty simple question: what are we?

‘’I have a lot on my mind right now, okay? I gave you time and space when you needed it, so please understand that.’’

‘’So what? You want me to leave?’’

‘’Actually, yeah. My parents are coming back soon and I’m not allowed to have guests over this weekend.’’

It was a lie and Jana knew it. Jens’ parents weren’t the kind of parents who had these kind of rules. They weren’t very strict. All the boys could be over and Fenna wouldn’t think twice about it.

Jana’s face hardened, aware that Jens was lying to her. Without saying anything else, she stood and left, stomping down the hall.

.

Sunday, January 26th

Hood covering his head, Jens skated along the sidewalk, on his way to the skatepark. His earbuds were in, rap music playing. He was meeting the boys there, the weather finally warming up enough to skate again.

The graffiti of Robbe’s face came in sight, meaning that he had almost arrived. Jens still couldn't believe his best friend's face was on a fucking brick wall. Sander was one of a kind.

The skatepark was practically empty, being that it was still early in the season. Jens stepped off his skateboard, about to pull out his phone to text the group chat when he spotted Lucas in the distance, at the top of a ramp, waiting to go down. He was talking to some guys, laughing at something one of them said.

Jens stopped in his tracks, stomach knotting.

He didn’t expect to see Lucas there - and wearing that pink sweatshirt. Damn, he looked good.

For a second, Jens thought the distance and his pulled up hood wouldn’t give his presence away, but Lucas must have excellent eyesight because he quickly recognized him. The brunet told something to his friends before making his way over to Jens, skateboard in his left hand.

Fidgeting with the sleeves of his hoodie, Jens watched as Lucas got closer, every step he took causing a nervous feeling in his stomach. Why was he feeling this way? It was just Lucas, the boy he couldn’t stop thinking about.

Jens bit his lip when Lucas stopped and stood in front of him. The wind was blowing, causing his fringe to sweep on the side more than usual.

''Are we ever going to talk about what happened Friday night?'' Lucas asked, breaking the ice.

''Eh, what happened Friday night?''

Lucas pulled his eyebrows, shaking his head. ''You drunkenly kissed me in the bathroom at Amber's birthday party.''

Jens hesitated for a moment. Should he play the dumb card and act like he didn’t remember or face his actions and acknowledge what happened? That he kissed Lucas. While the first option sounded easier, the second was the rightest. Kissing Lucas hadn’t felt wrong, it felt...good. So fucking good.

''I wasn't that drunk,'' Jens admitted, holding his breath, anxiously waiting for Lucas’ reaction. ‘’In fact, I barely drank that night.’’

Even though Lucas had kissed him back on Friday, it didn’t mean that he liked him back, that he had feelings for him. The weed had clouded their mind and they let their teenage pulsions take control.

''So, did you mean to kiss me?''

Jens glanced down for a second. ''Yeah, I did. The alcohol just gave me the courage to do it.’’

Lucas’ lips curled into a grin, blue irises staring right into Jens’, before closing the space between them, capturing Jens’ lips into a kiss. The lump of stress in Jens' stomach dissipated as they kissed, turning into butterflies.

Slipping his tongue past Jens' plump lips, Lucas curled his arm that wasn't busy holding his skateboard behind Jens’ neck, pulling him down and closer and licking into his mouth. It was usually the other way around, but Jens didn't mind being kissed by Lucas - in fact, he liked it a lot. Lucas’ dominant and confident side triggered a new sensation in him.

Jens’ phone started vibrating in his pocket and he tried to ignore it, but it buzzed again and again and it was getting really annoying. Groaning, the dark haired one broke the kiss and fished his phone from his jeans, seeing messages coming from the group chat.

Moyo: Just woke up, oops…

Moyo: Are you all at the skatepark?

Robbe: I’m almost there

Aaron: Me too! I can see Robbe’s big face

Robbe: At least my face is on a building...

Jens sighed, slipping his phone back in his pocket. ‘’My friend are going to be here soon,’’ he informed Lucas, disappointment transpiring through his voice.

Lucas pursed his lips into a pout, not ready to part yet, looking way too cute for his own good and making it difficult for Jens to leave.

Jens sighed, how could he resist that face? He leaned in and kissed that pout off Lucas’ lips.

‘’Wanna skate with us?’’

He hadn’t asked the boys, but surely they wouldn’t mind having a supplementary guest to their first skating session of the season. Plus, Robbe already knew Lucas from that time at the café.

‘’Race you to the ramps!’’ Lucas declared, dropping his skateboard on the ground and rolling away, Jens trailing behind.

.

Monday, January 27th

Jens removed his hoodie, pulling it over his head with Lucas' help, laughing as it got stuck to his head. He threw it on the floor, not caring where it landed, his room already a mess anyway, and Lucas met him in the middle, closing the distance, hungry and eager to taste Jens' lips again.

When Jens had first messaged Lucas to come over, he hadn't planned for things to escalate so fast. Okay, that was a half lie. He had hoped it would lead there, but it wasn't his first intention nor the only reason he had invited Lucas. He genuinely wanted to spend time with him. But, he wasn’t mad about this impromptu make out session. He would have had to be an idiot to not want to kiss someone as fucking hot as Lucas Van Der Heijden.

‘’When does your parents come home?’’ Lucas asked, lips touching Jens’ as he spoke.

‘’Mom’s at work until 10pm and my sister is at a friend’s house doing a school project.’’

‘’And your dad?’’

Jens paused, not knowing what to answer. Where was his dad? Mohamed wasn’t home when he arrived after school and there was no notes.

Sensing his inner struggle, Lucas cupped Jens’ face, guiding him back into a kiss, silently telling him ‘it doesn’t matter’. Lucas’ touch was soft and tender, a perfect distraction from his worries. It could almost make him forget about everything.

A lover's touch is more powerful than you could imagine. Touching someone you have feelings for releases dopamine and serotonin, both of which can boost your mood and curb depression. It reduces anxiety and decreases your worries.

Aka, exactly what Jens needed right now.

Lucas’ slim hands slipped underneath the back of Jens’ shirt, causing the fabric to rid up and expose his warm skin, and dragged his nails down slowly, causing Jens to shudder with pleasure. A smug smile spread on Lucas’ face, content to see the effect he had on the tanned boy, and raised his hips, the growing erection in his jeans brushing Jens' and causing a moan to escape their lips.

They hadn't gotten further than kissing yet, but both bodies were very responsive to the other's touch.

The bed creaked as Lucas moved to straddle him, one leg on each side of Jens' stomach. The air had become hotter in the room, but neither cared, too caught up into their own bubble of lips on lips and hands on skin.

It was a blessing that Lotte had a school project to work on tonight. If she had been home, Lucas wouldn’t have come over. Much like when Jana was here, Jens didn’t want his sister to know too much about his sexual life and relationships. Her pure and innocent mind didn’t need to know about this kind of stuff yet.

Jens' hand grabbed at Lucas' thigh, fingers digging into his pants fabric as their hips brushed together, creating friction in all the right places. Lucas moaned and grinded down.

‘’Do that again,’’ he breathed out, feeling his jeans tighten more and more.

Instead of listening to Lucas’ demand, Jens slowed down, ignoring his teenage hormones, and moved himself away from underneath him. A small whine came from the brunet, letting himself fall flat on the mattress, and Jens had to bite back a smile.

''Why are you so far away? Come here.'' He reached out with his hands in silent demand.

‘’You’re the one that moved away!’’ Lucas reminded, crawling over anyway.

Jens laughed, brushing his nose with Lucas at how close they were. He stole a quick kiss and looked back, taking in the moment. The house was quiet bare from their breathings, now returned to a slow and steady pace.

A small bruise was starting to form on the side of Lucas' neck, the delicate skin having been previously sucked and kissed by Jens. The latter reached out, touching the red-ish skin and Lucas hissed.

Immediately, Jens retracted his hand and felt bad. He hadn't meant to hurt him, just to leave a mark on lucas’ unflawed skin. Maybe he had gotten too carried away with the sucking?

''Does it hurt? Sorry.''

Lucas laughed. ''Got you.''

Jens narrowed his eyes and pinched Lucas’ side where his shirt was hiked up in revenge, causing him to squeal. ‘’Little shit.’’

The brunet giggled and swatting Jens' hand away.

Moments like this were something Jens missed. Just being together, fooling around and doing nothing. With Jana, they couldn't have a real conversation without arguing. She was always on the defensive or reproaching him things - and Jens was always horny.

‘’As much as I want this, I don’t want to rush it.’’

Lucas' hand was tracing shapes on Jens' arm, causing the hairs to raise at his touch.

''What? You want to wait for the 'perfect' moment?'' he said in a mocking tone.

Jens rolled his eyes. ''No.'' He sighed and bit his lip. ''I've never done this before...with a boy, at least.''

''Me neither.'' The brunet paused, playing with the hem of Jens’ sleeve. ‘’I mean. I’ve kissed boys. Just, it never went past kissing.’’ Lucas glanced down, unable to look at the other boy in the eyes. ‘’With girls either,’’ he admitted, his voice lower, sounding ashamed.

It was the first time Lucas had put his guard down since they met - fully down. They had talked before, in Amber’s bathroom, sharing little stories here and there, but Lucas was always shielding himself behind layers of confidence and cockyness, playing it cool. As if he was protecting himself from emotional harm.

This sudden trust warmed Jens’ heart. It was nice to know that Lucas felt comfortable enough to tell him something so vulnerable - especially so early in their relationship - not that they were anything concrete yet. He didn’t have to tell him this, confess something so personal and intimate, but he did.

''Hey.'' Jens' voice was soft and calm. ''It's okay, Luc. I don't- It doesn't matter to me,'' he said, trying to reassure him that he wouldn't use the information to make fun of him.

There was nothing wrong in being a virgin. Jens wasn't, but Lucas wasn't worth any less or less attractive to Jens' eyes because he hadn't done anything sexually with anyone. If anything, it made it more exciting and thrilling.

Getting uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation, Lucas used the tanned boy's distraction to sneak his hand on Jens’ thigh, itching higher and higher until Jens caught him and his intentions.

He took Lucas’ hand in his, stopping him from reaching anywhere near his crotch. ‘’Stop it.’’

Lucas shrugged, smug look on his face contradicting his innocent tone. ‘’I’m not doing anything…’’

.

Wednesday, January 29th

‘’Jens?’’

The teenager hummed, swatting the hand on his arm away.

A couple more minutes.

''Jens,'' someone hissed, a bit louder.

Slowly, the raven haired boy stirred from his sleep, a bit confused. His eyes were half open, blinded by the harsh neon lights of the classroom. ‘’Uh?’’

Robbe glanced at Jens sideways, checking on his best friend. ''You were drooling on your textbook,'' he explained while messily writing notes in his notebook.

''Oh. Was I?'' Jens asked, stretching subtly over his desk.

The past nights have been very short for Jens. The nightly arguing between his parents hadn’t slowed down and things didn’t sound like they were going to be fixed anytime soon. Thankfully, his dad hadn’t come home drunk again. But, their loud, hushed voices still woke Lotte up and she had crawled in Jens’ bed every night this week. Although it flattered him that she felt safe with him, she was an agitated sleeper and the teenager needed his beauty sleep too.

Robbe nodded. ''Yeah. And, if the teacher catches you, she'll give you detention. I saved your ass.''

Jens pushed his head in his hands. ''Thanks, bro.''

''Everything okay?''

“No everything is not ok. My parents are fighting, Lotte is scared so she keeps crawling into my bed, Jana is up my ass about if we are together or not, and I hooked up with Lucas. You know, the new kid? I also started selling weed to help out my parents, want some?”

Jens glanced at Robbe, hesitating. Should he tell him all of this? Robbe was his best friend, he would understand, but Jens didn’t want to bother him with his problems. He had enough on his plate.

Flashing a smile and nodding was easier than explaining everything, so Jens did that. ''Yeah. I was up late studying for the Math test.''

The brunet’s eyes widen, panic spreading on his face. ‘’Shit. We have a Math test?’’

.

Thursday, January 30th

Secluded on an empty flight of stairs, the two teenagers were stealing kisses, making the most of their lunch hour. Lucas’ stomach rumbled, demanding for food, but they ignored it, too busy licking into each other’s mouth to open their lunches and eat.

Lucas bit Jens’ bottom lip, tugging and releasing it with a ‘pop’. ‘’It’s my mom’s weekend,’’ he announced, mood dropping a little. ‘’Which means…’’

Jens sighed. ‘’That you won’t be here this weekend.’’

‘’Yep.’’

Lucas took Jens’ hand in his, lacing their fingers together between them, causing a tingle to spread through Jens’ chest. Jens couldn’t remember the last time a simple touch had made him feel this way - but he hoped the feeling would never fade.

‘’I’m sorry it has to be that way. I wish we could spend the weekend together. I really do, it’s just-’’

‘’Hey, I get it. It’s okay,’’ Jens assured, using his free hand to play with Lucas’ hair, pushing his fringe away from his eyes.

Cert, he wasn’t happy that Lucas was going away for the weekend, but Jens didn’t want him to feel guilty about seeing his mom. It would be ridiculous. Jens didn't want to be the controlling boyfriend who dictated to their partner what they can and cannot do.

‘’Yes, it sucks that you have to go and I’ll most likely miss you, but I’m not going to ask you to stay. She’s your mom, not seeing you every day anymore must be difficult for her.’’

Lucas cocked an eyebrow, looking smug. ‘’You’ll miss me?’’

Jens rolled his eyes. ‘’Yeah…’’ he admitted shyly. ‘’Is that all you picked up from what I said?’’

Lucas hummed and leaned in, about to kiss Jens, but their lips didn’t have time to meet because Aaron appeared up the stairs, loud as always.

“Hey guys, what’s up?’’ He clapped Jens on the shoulder breaking the moment between them. ”Robbe and Moyo are already waiting for us in the cafeteria. Oh man, have I got the best idea for our next video.’’ Aaron glanced at Lucas. ‘’Lucas, do you want to join us for lunch? Maybe you could even help? I was thinking-”

“Bro, slow down with the verbal vomit. How about we wait to discuss your ‘idea’ with the guys?” Jens said, glaring at Aaron for interrupting.

“Thanks for the invite, but I have a history test right after lunch that I need to study for. Maybe another time?”

“Cool man, no problem. See ya around,” Aaron said, oblivious to the physical contact that had just happened between Jens and Lucas.

Lucas grabbed his greige backpack from the floor and walked away, giving Jens a devious wink and all the raven haired boy wanted to do was run after him.

.

Jens had sold the rest of the weed this morning. A guy from Friday’s party had contacted him and took all Jens had left with a demand to contact him when he’ll have more. Bless him.

‘’You did good, Kid,’’ Michiel stated, counting the money Jens had handed him, making sure it was the right amount.

Jens flashed him a small smile but stayed silent, still intimidated by Michiel.

Unlike last Thursday, Michiel had invited in further inside the building. They were in a small room with a couch and a set of table and chairs - probably where Michiel made his deals. Framed posters of Marijuana leaves and cars were on the walls, giving the place a classic movie vibe.

‘’Count is right?’’ Jens asked.

Michiel nodded. ‘’Still interested in a job? I might have something for you.’’

The man stood and went to the backroom behind the thick curtain and returned with a black package. He set it on the table and slid it in Jens’ direction. ‘’One of my guys got caught over the weekend and I need someone covering your school’s ground. I’m sure you won’t have trouble finding buyers. Kids your age are always looking for these ones.’’

Jens opened the top and frowned, seeing Xanax, Fentanyl, Ecstasy and more colorful pills separated into baggies. He shook his head. ‘’I never agreed to this. I said just weed-’’

Michiel scoffed. ‘’You ask for quick money. This is what I have to offer. If you don’t want it-’’

‘’I’ll do it.’’

.

Friday, January 31st

The snow was almost all melted in the neighborhood, which meant that Spring was on its way. Jens couldn’t wait to ditch his jacket in a couple weeks and feel the sun on his skin.

His phone buzzed in his hands, a new message from Moyo appearing on his screen. Jens had missed a part of the conversation when he was in the bus, but apparently, Moyo had found a new girl to obsess over and, to quote him ‘she was hot as fuck’.

Moyo: She’s fucking hot. Did you see her BOOBS?! 😍

Robbe: Wipe your mouth. You’re drooling, man

Moyo: You can’t get it, Robbe…

Jens rolled his eyes at his friends. Moyo was getting just as bad as Aaron. Desperation and gushing about girls’ physique wasn’t going to get him laid though - even if he really needed it.

Aaron: Can you get beers? 🍻

Moyo: I’m already bringing the weed…

Moyo: Jens? Is it your turn? 🍻🍻

Jens: Yeah, yeah. I'm on it

Aaron: Is Sander coming?

Jens pulled out his keys, about to unlock the door when a yellow piece of paper was taped on the front door caught his eye. Furrowing his eyebrows, he removed it and read the notice.

Fuck. This was not good.

.

His eyes glanced at the time on the clock, impatiently waiting for his mom to arrive from work. He could've called her, but Jens prefered to tell her the bad news face to face.

Her shift had ended half an hour ago, but she was picking up Lotte at school. She should be here soon.

Jens would've never thought they would end up here. He had stayed optimistic. He told himself that it was just a rough patch and they would make it through. But, seeing the eviction notice on the door made him realise the gravity of his family’s situation and woke doubts that, maybe, things wouldn't be okay.

The rumble of a car was heard from the driveway and Jens tensed, dreading the conversation to come. He knew it would break his mom's heart and aggravate her stress, but he couldn't just rip the paper and never tell her. The engine was cut outside and followed by the front door opening and Lotte’s voice echoing.

“-and my teacher said I was the best in the class. She was really proud of how hard I’ve been working.”

“That’s amazing sweetheart. I’m so proud of you,” Fenna said from the living room, closing the door behind.

“I’m proud of you too.” Jens said from the doorway of the kitchen.

Lotte giggled, she ran up to him and gave him her biggest hug. “Do you even know what we were talking about?”

“No, but I’m proud of you just the same.” Jens ruffled her hair and she wiggled away from his hold. “Lotte, can you give me a minute with Mom? I need to talk to her alone for a bit.”

‘’Did you get in trouble at school?’’ she asked in a whisper.

Jens gave her a tight lipped smile. ‘’Something like that…’’

He watched as Lotte removed her boots and jacket and went upstairs.

‘’Mom?’’

Fenna glanced at her son, bright smile on her face. Jens could tell she had had a good day, she seemed happier than she had been in weeks. He felt horrible because he knew that the little piece of paper in his hands was about to shatter her good mood.

‘’What is it?’’

‘’Erm, this was on the door when I came home.’’ Jens handed her the yellow paper and watch his mother’s features pull, confusedly taking the document from her son. He watched as she read, her face changing and falling.

Fenna sat down on the couch and clutched the eviction notice in her hand. She sat for what felt like forever before speaking. “I’m sorry you had to see that.’’

‘’What are we going to do, Mom? This is big. We...we could lose the house, we-’’

‘’I’ll take care of it.’’

Jens shook his head and went to sit next to her. “How? You’re already overworking yourself at the hospital. You can’t do more.’’

‘’I’ll go ask for a loan at the bank. I-I’ll figure it out.’’ She forced a smile at her son, trying to reassure him - or herself. ‘’I always do.’’

‘’You need to tell Dad about this.’’ Fenna shook her head, but Jens insisted. ‘’Mom.’’

''Jens,’’ the woman countered on a firmer tone. She sighed, overwhelmed by the direction her life had taken.

One month ago, they were a happy, typical, middle class family living easily. They ate take out every Thursdays, have game nights together and go to the movies every other Sunday with their daughter. And now, Mohamed had lost his job, Fenna was chaining double shifts at the hospital and the bills were piling up.

Sensing his mother’s inner turmoil, Jens pulled her into a hug. It wouldn't solve their problems, but hopefully it would at least show her his love and support. She hugged him back, tightly holding on to her son.

''Please, let me take care of this my way. I'll tell your dad when he's ready to hear it.''

Jens scoffed, shaking his head before heading upstairs. He didn’t agree with his mom’s reasoning, but didn’t feel like arguing with her any more. It would serve nothing.

Once in his room, Jens locked the door and checked the knob to make sure it was locked. He walked over to the drawer where he had stashed the money and the pills, and opened it.

He had no choice now, did he?

[robbyrobinson]

HSL: Rebirth of Sugar (Chapter III)

"Look alive, Asahi!" a voice shouted.

Bags were underneath Asahi's eyes. The young man had gone so long without proper sleep. Asahi closed his eyes momentarily almost not hearing what he was being told. He jolts awake o see a large object ricocheting in his direction. Thinking quickly, Asahi held out both of his hands and raised them in the air. The object immediately came to a halt. Asahi opened his eyes to see that it was a frozen tuna. Asahi sighs, presumably out of disappointment. He then placed it in a crate along with the other frozen tunas.

A chubby, burlap man with balding hair and a thick moustache walked up to the young man. "You're falling a bit shorter today, Asahi."

Ever since that incident, Asahi had been working at a fish market. It filled him with dread every day. The fish sometimes easily decayed and had rancid smells to them. Since the market was close to the docks, seagulls were regular "customers" oftentimes eating pieces of the fish and other seafood. It costed a good bit of Asahi's salary, but at the least he was able to make enough to provide for himself and Shio. Through hard work and their extended family chipping in, Asahi was able to acquire a home with his sister with the rent not being too challenging.

"I'm just not really finding enough time to sleep," Asahi lamented.

The fat man rubbed Asahi's shoulder. "I know that it's hard what with your mother being in prison and you being forced to live on your own with your baby sister."

Asahi nodded without saying anything to defend himself. He hated to admit it, but his boss was right: he needs to get his act together. Shio depended on him he thought to himself. He used that as a daily mantra to get him through the day. There was not anything that he would not do for his beloved baby sister, his "moon."

"But I need you to focus," his boss replied, "do you understand where I am implicating?"

"Yes, sir, I understand fully."

Asahi resumed his work and tentatively kept watch when a frozen fish was tossed in his direction. It was a typical 6-hour thankless duty, but Asahi was determined to persevere. After all, he had something special planned once he left the fish market.

Shio placed Mio in her bedroom to keep her occupied while she was orchestrating her scheme. Her room was not much to really write home about. It was a simplistic bed, a tannish one with matching pillowcases. The wallpaper was a dim yellow. Mio looked around the room somewhat desensitized.

"I know it is not the best," Shio admitted, "but with the budget we have, this was the most we could afford."

Mio skimmed the room a few more times. She turned to Shio with a warm smile. "I don't care if it's bad as long as you are there."

Shio's cheeks turned red. Those words. Those were the exact same words that she herself said to Satou all those years ago. It was eerie how much Mio reminded her of herself 7 years ago. Shio pat her head. "You just wait right here, and I will prepare a meal for the two of us."

As Shio was the one who did all the cooking for her and Asahi, she decided that for tonight, she would make curry. She gathered the ingredients for the curry and began to chop the vegetables. Her mind began to wander as she turned on an eye on the stove. Her heart was taking a nosedive. "I wonder if I prepared the curry in a way Satou used to if that would jolt her memories."

The two had so much catching up to do. Shio thought back to when prior to Satou's Aunt instigating the fire that destroyed the upper room of the apartment that they were going to travel the world together. She looked around the kitchen almost as if to sense if anyone was looking. With the coast clear, Shio knelt and pulled open one of the drawers underneath the counter. She sighed in relief: the "wedding" rings were still there. Shio kept hers close to her heart as it represented her "happy sugar life." Along with Satou's ribbon, the ring was the only salvageable part of Satou after she collided with the pavement when she jumped off with Shio. It may not fit Satou anymore now that she was reborn.

With the pot steaming, Shio's eyes darted to the clock. It was just about time for her older brother to return home after riding on the city bus. She had to act quickly. After the curry was made, Shio drew a small pack of tea and placed it into a teapot. Returning to the sink, Shio turned the knob and filled the teapot with cold water. She then placed the teapot on another eye on the stove she activated and waited for it to boil. Whilst waiting, Shio bent on the ground again and opened a cabinet. She wrapped her fingers around a cylinder bottle.

The tea and curry were ready. Shio prepared the table and placed the dishes on the table. She then poured some of the tea into two cups. On the far end of the table was where Asahi typically sat. She took the strange bottle and unscrewed the top. It had a grody smell to it. Tipping the bottle, she cautiously poured it into the cup. With nearly the entire bottle emptied, Shio quickly tossed it in the trash and tied the garbage bag.

"I hate to do this, but at least it should not be too life-threatening" Shio said to herself.

Asahi arrived at the front door smiling slightly. That day he had just received his check. He made more for the week, which was always a delight to hear. He placed the paycheck into his pocket and scrambled to get his keys to the front door. Before he could, the door opened.

"Shio?" Asahi said. "What is going on here?"

"I am just opening the door for my older brother," Shio answered.

"I know, but we hardly ever interact much ever since that whole scene with that pink-haired girl," he pointed out.

Shio's eye twitched slightly. She did understand to an extent that he did not understand her relationship with Satou, but to dismissively demean her as just a "pink-haired girl" enraged her. "Come in, Asahi, you must be exhausted."

Asahi removed his shoes and place them beside the front door. He could not help but notice that Shio was acting stranger than usual, but he could not put his finger on it. He sat down at his side of the table like Shio anticipated. "So, curry tonight?"

Shio smiled. "You are correct. I hope you like it."

Asahi put his hands together. "Thank you for the meal." With that, he started eating. Shio sat down at her end of the table and began eating. As expected, Asahi reached out to grab his cup.

"I spoke with mother today."

Shio raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you have?"

Asahi nodded. "She's saying that the wardens are treating her well. She said that she had no regrets."

Shio tapped her fingers on the table. She did not want to think about her mother any more than she had to. Asahi took the first sip of his tea while he was still conversing. "You know that she loves you, Shio?"

Shio forced a broken smile on her face. "I know, Asahi. I just wish I had fonder memories of her."

Asahi drank some more of the tea. "Strange taste."

Shio was about to say something in response, but Asahi suddenly stood up. "Oh my, Asahi, what is the matter?"

Asahi grabbed his stomach. His cheeks were swelling and turning green. He tried to cover his mouth with his hand, but thick, green vomit erupted from his mouth. He looked at Shio for assistance, only to see that Shio's blue eyes became paler. Asahi collapsed on the ground with more of the thick throw up ejecting from his mouth. His insides were on fire.

"S-Shio…"

Asahi collapsed with a thud. Shio walked over and knelt to him. She lightly tapped his wrist. "Good, that should leave him unconscious for a while."

Shio ran upstairs to the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She ran some water into the sink and rinsed her face off by taking handfuls of the water. Her heart was racing again, this time with some guilt sinking into her decision. She took a deep breath and excelled. "Oh, I am happy that you have come! My brother suddenly got sick and he fell unconscious. Please tell me that he will be okay!" She said this to herself a few more times until she mastered it. After repeating the line four times, she dialed 9-1-1.

The ambulance was called in a few minutes later. Asahi was very much still alive, but whatever he had ingested was making him projectile vomit. One of the medics went to relay what they had learned from the situation.

"Ms. Kobe, I assume?" he said.

"Yes," Shio answered, "please tell me my brother will be okay!"

He slipped out a clipboard. "Says here that he ingested a half glass of Syrup of ipecac."

Shio's eyes widened. "Oh no…that sounds terrible!"

The medic tilted his head. "Do you know how it got into his system? It has been discontinued for a reason."

"No officer, I have no idea how he got a hold of it." She bowed her head. "Forgive me for my incompetence."

He nodded. He explained that Asahi would be staying overnight to get his stomach pumped. Give or take, he would likely be down for a good week or so out of fear of sending him home too quickly.

Tears began to form from her eye ducts. She shielded her face with her hands refusing to look at Asahi being wheeled out. Her breathing got quicker and pained. The medics looked at each other with sympathy. "You can visit him anytime of the week," the first medic said.

The door slammed shut as Asahi was loaded in the back of the ambulance truck. Shio's sobbing quickly ceased. She slid her hands off her face, a Cheshire grin was spread at the tips of her mouth.

[be-dazzled]

#SIYC

Gray Fullbuster, Juvia Lockser FFnet: click here Tumblr: explore here Genre: Multi-Chapter, Romance, Comedy Rating: M for sensitive language and content

Summary: Gray Fullbuster is a player both in love and in life. He plays Professional Basketball and is being groomed to be in line with Basketball Legends Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant and Stephen Curry. There's just one problem, Gray Fullbuster is a play-ah. His life is a giant mess of crazy parties, waking up with random women and waking up in random women's apartments. Just living the life.

The opinion of the public on him is waning. To save the million-dollar endorsements in the verge of disappearing, Gray needs to change his image. Therefore, Gray Fullbuster, Fiore Knight's Team Captain and Most Valuable Player, will be in the next season of "My Star Can Dance".

There's another problem: it seems like his star isn't that bright since his partner, one of Fiore's prominent ballerinas, doesn't know him? His billboard is hanging in front of her dancing school! And it was a good billboard since all he was wearing was his six-pack and an Aztec bandana. How come she didn't notice?

…

Who knows where we're going And who knows what we'll find I want to see the world The way I see a world with you

– A World With You, Jason Mraz

…

The sound of waves crashing against the shore. The smell of fresh, afternoon breeze damping his skin. The feel of sand rushing past his bare feet. Gray took them all in and he couldn't remember a place more calm, peaceful and serene. Despite the crowd scattered around the beach lane, Hoopster felt at peace. But no matter how beautiful the place was, it held no candle to Juvia.

Down the famous beach lane, just a merely ten meters away from the Lockser Mansion, Gray and Juvia walked on foot with him carrying both his shoes and the ballerina's sandals. His free hand held hers, tightly enough to let her know that Gray wasn't letting go anytime soon. Their fingers intertwined, fitting the spaces perfectly like they always meant to be. They walked in bliss as the sun started to descend from its throne. In about a minute or two, the beautiful beachside would be dressed in the golden hour.

Gray looked around. As much as he loved the view in his apartment in the city, the beachside was something else. The boisterous laughters coming from a group of children playing in the water caught his attention. A part of him was screaming he wanted one, maybe two or a dozen, and he'd want them to have the freedom to run around and play at the expanse of that beach.

Not now. Not any time soon. With everything in his plate, that dream was to far for reach.

"It's unfair."

His girlfriend's complaint pulled him out of the thought of chasing little ones around the sand.

"I feel so exposed." Juvia pouted, having spent the day learning about herself and none about Gray.

"Well, I like it." He said, kissing the knuckle of the woman whom Gray had the pleasure of knowing her deeply.

"C'mon." She whined, walking ahead only to turn around and face the man. "Tell me something about you too."

Tit for tat.

Gray stopped in his tracks, pulling a pouting Juvia to a halt. He put two fingers under his chin, pretending to think about what to tell her.

"What do you want to know?"

"I wanna know…" she teased, "if Gray really is this elusive playboy the magazine claims him to be."

"By magazines you mean your collection?" A lone brow quirked up at Juvia's direction.

Blue eyes denied the accusation but there was no more hiding about her secret 'Gray-fanatic' era. Juvia's parents made sure of that. She frowned at him and when Gray pulled her into an apologetic embrace, Juvia couldn't keep the frown up anymore. She broke the hug first and returned to her interrogation as they continued the sandy trail along the beach.

Since her secret was already out in the open, the ballerina indulged her teenage fan-girl self whom she long have forgotten. She seized the opportunity and asked Gray about the scandals imputed to him.

"You fought with a fellow Knight because of a girl."

"False. I would never steal a brother's girl."

Juvia raised a questioning brow at him but Gray maintained his innocence.

"Club 413? End of the 88th NBA Season?" Juvia hinted, hoping it would jog Gray's memory and it did.

"Man, that guy could throw a punch." Gray massaged his left jaw as if receiving the hard knuckle yesterday.

"So?" Juvia tugged at him, asking for further explanation.

"First of all, Jenny gave me those cookies. I only punched him 'cause he ate all of 'em."

"So, you got into a fight with Natsu because of cookies?"

Juvia did a good summary of what went down on that fateful night the Fiore Knight's Team Captain and Vice Captain started a brawl outside the 8-Islands bar. Her judging tone and narrowed eyes made the whole story sound ridiculous.

"Hey! In my defense, her cookies were to die for. And don't give me that look. You haven't had a taste of Jenny's cookies."

Despite his warning, Juvia still rolled her eyes at him with palpable judgment. And here she thought Jenny was one of Gray's great loves.

"Anyways, she actually thought we were fighting over her." Gray kicked a scattered pebble and didn't even look to which direction it went. His boy's laugh mixing with the serine sound of waves crashing with the shore. "Like that would ever happen."

"I can't believe that the only thing that could make Gray Fullbuster abandon the 'Bro Code' is a bunch of cookies."

"Yeah." Gray admitted unabashedly, pausing for a while to do some reminiscing, face twisting in satisfaction. "Next question."

"You'll choose food over me."

"False. I like you more than food."

With Gray, that proclamation carried so much weight, it surprised even him. Unlike with the girls that came before Juvia, however, he didn't feel the sudden need to run away or sabotage whatever it was that was happening between them. He wasn't scared at the realization.

"Mirajane Strauss–"

"False. Never dated her. Although, I admit I did try."

"–I wasn't finished. Mirajane Strauss and her sister Lisanna?"

That was one scandal that got Gray some beating from his own mother.

"False!" He denied with conviction. "You've seen their brother, right? The giant wrestler?"

"But you tried?"

"True." Now he answered with regret. Whilst he tried to score one night at some club where the two supermodels frequented, Gray couldn't get pass through the brother-bouncer. But the twin blondes more than made up for it.

"The Vice President's daughter?"

"False. Although, she did try." The corner of his mouth tipped.

"Then what is real?"

"This," He answered, pulling Juvia against him, "this right here is real."

Gray brushed his lips against Juvia's, tasting salt at contact first before his favorite sweet taste of the ballerina's lips. Then, he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, cradling Juvia's small frame against his own. They got lost in the intimate act that they almost missed the reason why they were at the beach. It was Gray who broke the kiss, albeit repentantly, because he wanted to cherish the moment. He wanted to add that memory in the list of his firsts with Juvia – their first sunset.

He spun her around so that they were both facing the horizon. Gray enveloped Juvia in a gentle embrace, pulling her against his chest. Her back was pressed against him. The two stayed in quiet as the sun slowly disappeared.

"You know," he whispered into her ears, "can't help but notice that your questions were all about the girls I allegedly dated." He continued in a tone that teased the bluenette. "Are you asking for my number?"

Juvia swatted his head in denial without taking her eyes of the sunset.

"Don't ruin the moment." She warned. But if Juvia was being honest, Hoopster was right.

Gray planted a light peck on her cheeks before he rested his chin on her shoulders and basked in the beauty of their first sunset together. He heaved out a long sigh. For the first time in his life he wasn't afraid of how he thought he felt. He didn't think about running away from it. He was at peace.

Could it be the scenery? The beach? The cold breeze? Maybe a combination of everything. Despite the beauty around him, his eyes only recognized the bluenette in his arms, staring at the orange sky. Her hair rivaled the pristine waters. Her mellow smile was warmer than the golden hour. Gray was in awe. There was no other way to describe how he felt – happy. Gray was happy.

...

The night brought more revelations. All still about Juvia. It felt like some detective perusing her past and every single skeleton in the closet was being uncovered. She didn't mind watching Gray seated beside her at the dinner table, laughing and listening to her old man about every little information he let slip out.

After dinner, Julian still insisted she and Gray sleep in separate rooms. Juvia had no qualms about it. She hadn't quite figured out where they both stand in the relationship and it was too soon for that. They needed to have the talk but not any time soon. She was happy with how things were and if she was being a little honest, she was scared to tip the boat.

"Hey, hon."

Olivia suddenly appeared at her door, pulling Juvia's attention back to reality.

"Done unpacking?"

Juvia stood from the bed, heaved out a long sigh and as she abandoned the task at hand.

"Almost."

"Gray settling in alright?" Olivia walked up to her daughter.

"I'll check on him after I'm done here." Juvia informed, maneuvering the space in-between her scattered bags.

The older Lockser sauntered into the room and sat on the mattress, tapping on the space next to her as an invitation to Juvia. She gladly accepted.

"I went down the store yesterday to get these."

Olivia handed the young Lockser a paper bag. Juvia didn't notice it earlier when her mother entered the room.

"What is it?" Juvia almost dropped the bag when she realized what was or what were in it.

"I didn't know they had a lot of sizes and… types."

Juvia didn't hear her mother. She was busy fighting and controlling the wave of shame that suddenly hit her. Juvia didn't need to ask what was in the paper bag. She recognized it easily. And Olivia, apparently being the good mother that she was, got enough to last Juvia and Gray a week.

"Mother!" After Juvia recovered from the initial embarrassment, she picked her jaw from the floor and found her voice again. "I won't need these!" She shoved the paper bag back to the surprised Olivia.

It was too soon for that. They haven't even had the talk yet and Juvia wasn't sure if she was ready for it.

"We're not even there yet, mother." She confessed, to Olivia's surprise.

"Huh." Olivia mused. "That's quite surprising. When your dad and I were dating, we can't keep our hands off each other."

Juvia felt the second wave of embarrassment sweep her off her feet.

"The first night we–"

"–I don't really need to know about your first night, mother." Juvia cut Olivia off before she made a revelation that would haunt Juvia to her grave.

The uncomfortable daughter wasn't even sure why they were talking about it. There was nothing to talk about. Gray and Juvia were just not in that place in the relationship. Well, not yet. Juvia stood from the bed hoping her mother would get the idea and leave her alone. Why they were talking about first nights was beyond her.

"I guess your dad and I should just use them."

Good thing Juvia wasn't holding anything valuable and breakable.

"I didn't really have to hear that."

Olivia was just probably pulling her leg with the way she laughed at her daughter's reaction. Juvia had no plans on finding out if there was truth in it though. There were things better left unsaid.

Juvia returned to her unpacking when she heard the light tapping of heels against her floor. As she turned around, Olivia was at the door with the teasing laugh still on her red lips. She placed the paper bag on the tall lamp table near the door.

"I'll just put them here. In case the need arises."

Juvia cringed.

"Besides, I don't think your dad and I would be needing them."

Did she just hint at…

Juvia almost doubled flipped in embarrassment.

"Nobody needs to know what you do in your bedroom mother. My goodness." She shouted after her.

Whatever plans Juvia had to drop by at the guest room to say good night to Gray, she abandoned. This scene right here was going to haunt her for weeks like the 'dancing is like making love' shenanigans.

...

Writer's Corner: DID I JUST FORGOT TO POST CHAPTER 11 HERE?!?!?!!? Please forgive me. Anyways, Chapter 12 is up! #GruviaForever

[randomliven]

WARNING LONG POST HEAVY SPOILERS

Episode4. Play back rewatch

*Open scene Montrose

*Drinking. Going through the memories of his mind

He drinks and still he remembers it all

*God Smites Eve

*2:12 "Give this to tic protect our family" GEORGE

*The Order of the ancient dawn

*You might be all Tic has left

*"Smells like Tulsa

*Bitcx better have my money

*Christina glides through cars

* Black arrow (nods it off)

*leti was ready

*Bitcx tried to walk in like she own the place

*the protection spell works 'akirum

She seemed impressed and snide

*your money (leti realizes where the money came from

**L: "You want something in this house. Something to. do with Atticus"

**Ct: "Dont let the men fool you into thinking its Always about them. "

**His blood may have power but thats only because itus spelled it that way. Hes Not Special. Not really

Christina is a Snitch

*"If he keeps operating like this hes going to get you killed "Again"

(she looks sincere) (im telling yall xtina did this before)

* "I dont want that. Or this house. I just want the orrery"

(To discover a world of first) (chritina dont lie withold yes)

You can get the Fuck up off my Porch

Call me

*Hippolyta calls her daddy... She has the Orrery

She smart as hell

*The new comic diana drawing..outta this universe

Moves and predicts the relative position of planets

*leti tells tic about tina paying for house

*Tic with holds information from leti

*knows tina used tic to kill father

tic was go kill her then just leave

Lil boy with Coke bottle glasses ( just like tic but not tic

*two sets of pages still exist

*the orrery is the key

(using the orrery to go into another world to find his pages)

Titus kept it hidden

*Casting spells to protect

*ask ya daddy " i dont want yall involved"

(Sound like his daddy when they saved him)

They in the back

Every time i tell you to do something yo do the opposite

*" how you kno its 34 lodges"

*"I cant help you kill yourself. You cant see this game she is setting up for you to play"

(Montrose and Christina have done this before.. I cant wait till the final. I need to kno)

*"Looking for answers you already have"

Boston

*"I know where to find that dame vault"

Christina plays hide and seek for the first time

Christina screaming "Im safe."

The police arrive for her to take her to ...

Lancaster

*She didnt mention leti being in the house specie or tic

Says convince "hyrum"

*she knows there is someone in the closet right away

*xtina says time machine

* " let "negros" move in..(vs niggers) cocky

Take my lodges

*did i miss your initiation into the order..

No cunts allowed

The silent fight

Let go. You told me to let go

Hyp suspicious

It so happens to be at a astrology museum

Tree

Ruby walks into Marshal fields

"Work like kobe just to shine like Russel"

Sees Tamara

"Yes yesterday"

"I applied on a whim"

Boston

Lights of the universe

Leti's face watching rose go with the guard

*"u kno y they call me tree"

"Shouldnt i already kno that since we fuc in highschool simore" rolls eye at that liar

True story: Harriet chariot

*MY MAMA NAMED THAT COMET

*Many artefacts Titus was giving in exchange for striping away everything they knew

(Stolen after killing, probably raping and enslaving the native people)

*tree hints at Montrose being gay to tic

Tic questions how mon knows the guard

The vault

*Christina pulls up goes around the gate

(William comes out 30seconds later, yes we kno the skin change happens in seconds seeing ruby change, BUT HOW IN THE HELL did xtina put on a whole suite down to the tie that quick)

Do they not kno william cuz then lancaster wouldnt have known it wasnt xtina when he dies.

She kick they ass

*William says i have a Date

Find a way to open it

Montrose finds the moonlight

How old is this museum

*"This is some journey to the center of the earth type shit"(name of book coke bottle kid in library was reading)

3tunnels

Ever the tide shall rise

Map of titus voyage's..

No telling Letitia fuc N lewis No

Dont help me

Yellow

*Based on adventure novels the tunnels should be based on the map.

*How you know he raided Diana

"I read a damn book

*1810 it was built

Established the sons of Adam 3yrs later

*Whats down the other tunnel?

The lantern being there

Ruby drowning her blues away to a half empty bar

Is copper considered a yellow

Voluptuousness

*I cant afford another one

Blues eyes got ya tab tonight

*A nod. A gulp

*"May i join you?" They dont sit

Keep my glass full"...

*Yall white boys dont come to the dark side for modesty (demanding woman

* i can buy my own drinks ( pride)

Take a bit more to impress me White Boy

*Never insult you to make you a kept woman

* promise me the world to lay with me

*a promise i can keep

(All she needs is the orrery & she literally can give Ruby Many worlds)

The way they look at Ruby

*20min of walking

Walking the plank

Tic brave

Tf me 1st

Learned how to lie

*juneteenth

* "FREEMEN WERE NEVER SLAVES"

She out there

Spider senses

Tic has training

Booby trap

Big fucking deal

The bored starts to disappear

Jump pop

Better catch me Boy. (I got ya kid)

Now they can run shuffle

Montrose knows the combination

Jessie owens

*The tide rising.. Less than an hr

Ruby "got there 1st, shoulda been me but i let Leti distract me"

They sat there all night

*"Whoes leti"

(i dont think Christina knew leti Nd Ruby were sisters before that moment based on willtinas expression

*"my half sister" (willtina Gulps (becoming a signature

* if i was in your skin i wouldnt even have to run"

*what to do about it?

William with them eyes.

*"Better stop looking at me like that, It Aint happening

White Boy"

I Put a Spell on You plays

Ruby want it

(Im more than sure this is Willtinas 1st time, also wonder if so as a woman. Possible leti was a virgin)

Willtina looked confused by the blood. Primal reaction

Ruby in control

William excited, whoa lip biting

The mark of Cain. Big Dic Energy

*" How you kno so much about the sons of adam?"

* george gave me the bylaws i burned it

My brother said protect the family. His dying wish

(Was to give Tic the book, but you cant tell Montrose what to do with his son)

Closing Pandoras box once Nd for good

You wont stop

*Leti finds the neighbors body who went missing

*Chicago to Boston 14hr drive

(They walk 20min to the plank maybe another 20 to yahima)

*sees elevator come down, looks familiar

*Epistien was apart of the order prob chasing the pages... He was missing an arm

This might get dangerous

*he was kidnapped. I Died.

*"not the center of the fucking universe"

Leti can swim too

*Fatherly advice

Ya mama was complicated too

*all that fussing is loving

*Epstein day look like he was missing an arm and like a drowned victim

I don't think Christina knew about the tunnels or at least she knew that she couldn't open them

Black folk dont watch bones come alive & just stare

*reaches. (Back the fuc up

* they have the same symbol on their stomach. The Regeneration spell

*yahima Woman man two spirit

*had no reason to distrust him

ALWAYS HUNGRY

*he killed them all (stole they shii) enslaved

Tic look like Will Smith as a fish in shark tail

*she dont know my spirit

Montrose Takes pages anyway (i think knowing booby trap)

. Grabs yama

*montrose drops the pages purposefully

Like damn leti. Grabbing for her

The kiss. The scream. The knockout

*how did they get back without woodie

*is that your dad's atlas

*devon county circled. Ardum reaper. Hyp makes a detour

*siren. Ill figure out how to help her talk

*"You were brave boy. Grew to be a good man spite me"

*he already had the plan

Damn montrose

[thesportssoundoff]

One day, we will all be memories

I feel compelled to write this. It'll probably be messy and sloppy but I felt compelled to put something down that would encapsulate yesterday.

My day began with a family drive to go and get gas; standard garden variety life stuff. As we passed a windy icy road, we came across an overturned SUV with a person inside of it who had been literally on her way to church. After minutes that felt like hours of waiting in January weather for help to arrive, police and medical personnel made their way to the scene. The woman inside the overturned vehicle was fine to my knowledge (or as fine as somebody could be after having their car flip over and wind up on its hood) and thankfully she was cognizant of her sorroundings, coherent about what had had happened and seemed to be okay. What was so awe inspiring was the sort of humanity of others in that moment. My father, a former EMS and just all around "in the heat of the moment do the right thing" guy, got out and went to work helping the person while other onlookers blocked the road, my sister called 911 (as did others), people went to get her family and just put on a tremendous showing of humanity. It was the sort of showing that people may see in a gif or in a sappy youtube video and then move on with their day, perhaps even muttering about how that'll never happen to them or where they live. Sometimes I tend to have that same mentality of not believing but at the end of the day, I truly believe that people in the most dire of times will always show the sort of strength and courageousness that CAN make a difference in our world. Sometimes, painfully enough, it takes the worst in life to bring out the best in us. 

Fast forward a bit later on and the Kobe Bryant news hits social media. At the time I was more just hoping for facts and clarity as rumors spread about who had died, what had gone wrong and god knows whatever awful horrendous things that are often associated with tragedies. Sometimes our desire to be right, to be first or to be informed trumps all and our hearts move faster than our brains. We're so hungry for clarity and information that the synapses in our brains shouting for us to stop, assess the information, take it with a grain of salt and understand that patience will always prevail with something like this are washed out by our hurting hearts that take over. As I saw the news articles coming out and watched social media banter rumor and story at one another (from Rick Fox being on the plane to all of Kobe's daughters being on the plane to the eventual full story we now know), I waited and in hindsight, I almost think I waited because I wanted it to all be a lie and a hoax. Even as more and more legitimate sources came out to either confirm or correct the information, I just kept waiting for something else to be said otherwise. I kept waiting to be lied to and for social media to be wrong about everything.

Unfortunately, it was more right than we all wished to bare.

Speaking purely from an impact standpoint, Kobe Bryant's legacy and inspiration are hard to match in the sports world. I tried to come up with a global comparison with Alex and the best he could come up with would be if such a tragedy struck a major soccer star. The point being that Kobe Bryant is something almost incomparable to anything else I've ever experienced. My mother and I talked about Roberto Clemente and how it rocked the world but the world feels so much bigger and interconnected now than when Clemente passed away. It wasn't until later that night upon reflection and seeing the outpouring of love from his on the court detractors to lifelong supporters that it really clicked for me. It just feels wrong. It just feels unfair. It's hard to come up with a loss so powerful and so....wrong. It just feels wrong. Kobe Bryant wasn't an aging great who passed away quietly in his sleep; he was 41 years old with young children. A group of families were traveling to a basketball game when something very tragic happened and robbed a family of their husband, father, daughter and sister. Kobe Bryant will never get to walk his daughters down the aisle, Vanessa Bryant will never get to see her daughter's first WNBA game or her graduating college or discover the cure for cancer or where the winding road of life planned to take her. The most painful and fucked up part of this is that his younger children who came into this world long after the 81 point game vs the Raptors or the two Olympic gold medals or the handful of rings he wore as an NBA champion will have to hear from other people how amazing their father was as an athlete and as a person.

Wrong.

Unfair.

Fucking wrong and unfair.

I always feel like such an asshole that it takes something tragic to stop, breathe and appreciate how blessed I am to even be alive. Sports is my escape and when your escape gets real, it’s always such a system shock.  In a day and age where it's easy (and perhaps even trendy) to be numb and nihilistic, I think there's something about athletes going through struggles off the field/court/ice/ring/cage that brings out something humbling in all of us. Kevin Love and DeMar Derozan made people take a second to reconsider the pangs of mental health. Andrew Luck and Luke Kuechly forced us to remember the limitations of the human body. We put athletes on such a pedestal that we forget that they're human beings like us and when we see those flickers of mortality, it's almost as if these amazing people become...well people I guess. Kobe Bryant's death and the death of eight other people is another painful reminder that no matter who you are or how special you may be, life is such a fragile thing. It truly is a blessing and one that often gets taken for granted. It forces us to stop fishing for likes, retweets, favorites and all of this immaterial borderline toxic stupidity and take a second to remember that all of us are not guaranteed a tomorrow. Life is so fleeting and can be taken from you/us at any given time. Kobe Bryant at the end of the day was no different than all of us. The people you like, love, admire or even ones you don't like don't have an expiration date tattooed on their foreheads---they can be here in the morning and gone forever by night time. In life, everybody you know will eventually become memories to you and in turn you to others.

And I guess as I lay here in bed trying to find a good way to sum up my emotions, I can only try to follow up on that with honesty; you WILL become somebody else's memory---so why not be a lasting one? Why not aim to be a good one? Kobe Bryant's impact on life wasn't just as an amazing athlete but as a flawed perfectionist who truly tried to better lives in so many different capacities. He was an inspiration, a hero, a loved villain but most of all? He was an example of how we are all never our best days or our worst days but what we do to improve and better ourselves and others. That's more important than anything else. It made me reconsider if, as I've often said on the DojoTalkPodcast, if I truly live my life like every conversation I have with somebody could be the last one we share and if I truly take that to heart. I literally sat here and thought of all the people and all of the things that irritate me and realized that in the grand scheme of things, those are so small compared to the grander picture of life. Think of someone, think of the things they do that irritate you and then just let it go. My brother playing video games all the time? Who cares. Parents nagging? Let it go. The way some of my friends overreact to everything? Whatever. You stop and think of the things the people you love do that irritates you and then consider that right now two families (and countless others who were impacted by them) would give up every car, every dollar and every piece of jewelry in their house for just another day of those bad habits or silly minor things their sister/mother/father/brother would do that would irritate them. I won’t have you forever and you won’t have me forever so why spend it aggregating ourselves over meaningless nothing? Never go to the grave with a beef you didn't squash and never go to the grave with somebody wondering how you felt about them. Life is truly too short and it's unfair and it will never give you a heads up and a set date for you to go around letting everybody know your appreciation level or that you're sorry or that you forgive them. If tomorrow is considered the first day of the rest of your life; then make the rest of your life one where all you wish to be is somebody else's eventual happy memory.

Chances are you already are.

[willreadforbooze]

Hello!

BIG NEWS PEOPLE! Our Will Read For Booze twitter account (formerly Sam’s personal account) is going to be dedicated to the whole blog! So go check us out kthxxxx. While that’s amazing, Sam has to start from scratch on a new account, let’s show her some love huh? Check out her new account TheBooktender_  She’ll love you forever and ever.

Minda’s Updates

Goal for the rest of this year is to only read books I think I would enjoy and continue to be into. Working through something I don’t care for is just exhausting, and pregnancy is enough of that.

What Minda is reading now:

The Power by Naomi Alderman – In this world, teen women have the power to inflict pain—lots of it. I read a description of the book somewhere and picked it up from the library immediately. Looking to finish this then pivot to Tome Topple this weekend.

What Minda DNF’d:

HEIST by Kezzy Sparks – I FINALLY GAVE UP ON THIS THANK GOODNESS. I really tried to read it, but I can’t. It’s just basically one long poorly handled dick joke that isn’t very funny. And used the line, “guys will be guys, you know that.” Um, no.

Ginny’s Updates:

Hey Everyone!

The Nationals won the WORLD SERIES!!!!! I’m still ridiculously excited. Sam and I went to the parade and it was GREAT! Also that’s a lot of exclamation marks and caps, so back to normal. I’m so excited to get my evenings back and get to a normal sleeping schedule. So pumped.

What Ginny’s currently reading:

Lady Cop Makes Trouble by Amy Stewart: I read the first book in this series a forever ago and final decided to pick up the sequel. Constance is yet again dealing with the misogyny of the era, which is not great. But a convict escapes during a blackout and it’s kind of her fault. So she’s off on her own trying to find him. I find myself still really frustrated with her “sisters.” But really enjoy the other characters that appear in this book.

Wicked Fox by Kay Cho: Gonna be honest, I haven’t picked up this book since last week. There’s been so much going on and my evenings haven’t been quite my own.

Scrum by Jeff Sutherland: Same as above. Haven’t even touched this.

What Ginny finished:

Blaze of Memory by Nalini Singh: This if the 7th book in the Psy-Changeling series. And hoo boy was this one not my jam. There was some major abuse vibes coming off of this book mostly in that the main character seemed to be taking advantage of a woman with amnesia. That’s shitty. Also the descriptions that work really well for a Changeling feel very weird when it’s a human expressing them. 1.8/5

Chimes at Midnight by Seanan McGuire: Number 7 in the Toby Daye series. God this series just keeps getting better. Toby may have pissed off the queen of the land she lives in and suddenly has to race against a deadline to try to make sure she doesn’t get exiled. Gonna be a review.

Any Old Diamonds by K.J. Charles: I’ve heard so much about this author from the other authors I follow and boy was it a good recommendation to follow. The story was unique and fun and had a few genuinely unexpected twists. Alec is trying to get revenge on his shitty Dad and uses thief Jerry to get it. They immediately have tension which rackets up nicely. 4/5

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Siilvia Moreno-Garcia: I read this for book club. The book has the feeling of a Hades-Persephone story but surrounded by early 1900’s Mexico. Which is pretty glorious. I felt the book could be a little flat, but as we discussed in book club, that’s kind of how lore just is. 3.5/5

Bonds of Justice by Nalini Singh: This is the 8th book in the Psy-Changeling series and I’m kind of glad I read it immediately after the previous one because this was so much better! This is a true detective story with a relationship that sizzles and doesn’t seem abusive. Max Shannon, a cop, and Sophia Russo, a J-Psy who can copy and share memories, are on the hunt for a killer. This book was just crazy fun with plenty of chemistry. 5/5

Sam’s Updates

THE NATS WON THE WORLD SERIES!!! We watched it all, the ups, the downs, and the mightiest of wins. Ginny and I went to the parade which was amazing (and cold), I also took my first mental health day in 6 months and it was amazing…

What Sam read this week:

Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore: So this is a story of a family that always has 5 girls, 5 cousins. The men that spawn these women disappear, so it’s always the women. 5 ladies, 5 mothers, 5 Grandmas (abuelas), when suddenly a boy appears. He has no memories. The ending of this wasn’t predictable at all, but I really really liked it. It’s a story of love and loss and joy and pain and HISTORY. How the land remembers the horrors that were inflicted on it. I really liked it. 3.5/5

Girls of Storm and Shadow by Natasha Ngan: This is the sequel to Girls of Paper and Fire which i didn’t…. love… but also didn’t hate. Welp, I was right, tons of miscommunication between relationships, which I hated. But there were a couple new characters who I ah-dored. Will be doing a full drunk review of this one.

What Sam DNF’d

Epoca: The Tree of Ecrof by Kobe Bryant (creator) and Ivy Claire (written by): Yeah, you read that right. Kobe Bryant created this story. While at BookCon this year, we came across this small publishing house he created. Apparently, he loves making stories but doesn’t have time to write them out in full, so he builds the world, names the characters, plots it out, and hands it off to his author of choice to finish it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get into this one. BUT DONT FRET! It’s not that it wasn’t good, it just wasnt for me. In this story, the magic is sports magic, which is cool. The characters seem like they’ll be fun, but while I love sports, I don’t love them this much.

What Sam’s currently reading:

The Kingdom of Gods by N.K. Jemisin: This is the final installment to the Inheritance trilogy. Seems to be about Sia. Listening on audio so we’ll see how it goes.

Ashlords by Scott Reitgen: This is Scott’s next series after Nyxia and I am READY for it. I’m really early on, but basically, it’s fire horse racing. FIRE. HORSE. RACING. I cannot fuckin wait.

  Linz’s Updates

What Linz read:

Middlegame by Seanan McGuire: I don’t even know how to describe what I just read but it was real weird and real good and I am very happy I took a break from assigned reading to pick this up

Queen of Ruin by Tracy Banghart: The second half of the Grace and Fury duology. Spoiler alert, THOROUGHLY satisfying.

What Linz is currently reading:

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo: My diligent stalking of the digital library sites have paid off; I recommended it at the right time and was like #2 on the waitlist. Bardugo’s first novel for the grown and sexy is REAL dark, part..ghost story? and part many mysteries? and I am HERE FOR IT.

House of Salt and Sorrow by Erin Craig: The problem with working from home sometimes is that my office is where my books live, and the pretty copy from Owlcrate kept staring at me. This VERY much reimagining of the 12 dancing princesses is kinda weird and also dark and also I am enjoying it. If I didn’t have 15 other things going on, I probably would have tried to finish this over the weekend.

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, Linz, and Minda

Weekly Wrap Up: Oct 28 – Nov 3, 2019 Hello! BIG NEWS PEOPLE! Our Will Read For Booze twitter account (formerly Sam's personal account) is going to be dedicated to the whole blog!

[tabloidtoc]

People, July 20

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Nick Cordero -- a life cut short by COVID-19 

Page 1: Chatter -- Tom Hanks joking about writing and producing and starring in the new film Greyhound, Shawn Johnson on battling an eating disorder after the 2008 Beijing Games, Kevin Hart on how his wife Eniko feels at 6 months pregnant, Kristen Bell on reactions to news that her 5-year-old daughter wears diapers, Gavin Rossdale on his divorce from Gwen Stefani being his most embarrassing moment, Ricky Martin on his quarantine experience 

Page 2: 5 Things We’re Talking About This Week -- Kanye West says he’s running for president, Beavis and Butt-Head make a comeback, Michelle Pfeiffer reveals a relatable makeup mishap, Floor is Lava heats up on Netflix, Baby Yoda takes over breakfast 

Page 5: Contents 

Page 6: StarTracks -- Stars in the Sun -- Brooke Shields rocking a star-spangled bikini during a dip in her pool in the Hamptons 

Page 7: Pregnant Katy Perry and fiance Orlando Bloom took a beach stroll with their dog in Santa Barbara, Luke Evans cooled off during a boat ride in Ibiza, John Legend twinning in matching swimsuits with son Miles, Sailor Brinkley-Cook celebrated her 22nd birthday with mom Christie Brinkley and sister Alexa Ray Joel, Gabrielle Union 

Page 8: Jason Derulo performed without an audience due to the pandemic for the Wawa Welcome America virtual festival, Emily Ratajkowski wore a mask while out for a walk with her beloved dog Colombo, Serena Williams and daughter Olympia hit the tennis court in matching gear, Carson Kressley cohosted the livestreamed celebration of the 50th annual N.Y.C. Pride March

Page 9: Royals Back in Action -- Prince William and Princess Kate Middleton celebrated the 72nd anniversary of the National Health Service, Prince Charles visited Cotswold Farm Park, Camilla Duchess of Cornwall stepped out at the Swindon Fire Station to thank firefighters and hospital staff and paramedics 

Page 10: Five months after losing husband Kobe Bryant and daughter Gianna Vanessa Bryant celebrated Independence Day with her daughters Natalia and Bianka and Capri, Chris Pine flashed a peace sign during a grocery store run, Jessica Simpson celebrated son Ace’s seventh birthday 

Page 11: British racing driver Lewis Hamilton took a knee against racism before the Formula One Grand Prix of Austria, Luke Wilson playing golf in Bel Air, Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas shared a laugh during a morning stroll, Maren Morris and son Hayes went motor-floating 

Page 15: Scoop -- Meghan Markle felt unprotected by the palace 

Page 16: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are free to speak their minds, Jada Pinkett Smith speaks out after affair allegations with August Alsina 

Page 18: Heart Monitor -- Chris Evans and Lily James dating?, Kacey Musgraves and Ruston Kelly separated, Camila Mendes and Grayson Vaughn heating up, Julia Roberts and Danny Moder happy anniversary 

Page 21: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt amicably co-parenting, D.L. Hughley tackles COVID-19 and racism 

Page 23: Sean Astin -- my mother’s Patty Duke’s legacy on mental health 

Page 24: Mandy Moore on family and love and making music 

Page 27: Passages, Ghislaine Maxwell charged 

Page 29: Stories to Make You Smile -- thanks to a colorful custom soundboard a dog speaks and she has a lot to say, this boy wants to help save the Earth one park at a time 

Page 31: People Picks -- Greyhound 

Page 32: The Old Guard, Brett Eldredge -- Sunday Drive 

Page 33: P-Valley, Crikey! It’s the Irwins: Life in Lockdown, One to Watch -- Little Voice’s Brittany O’Grady 

Page 34: Brave New World

Page 35: Palm Springs, Margo Price -- That’s How Rumors Get Started, Q&A -- Leslie Odom Jr. of Hamilton

Page 37: Books, Star Picks: What We’re Reading -- Tracee Ellis Ross is reading Me Talk Pretty One Day, Chris Hemsworth is reading The Boy, the mole, the Fox and the Horse, Elle Fanning is reading The Nightingale 

Page 38: Cover Story -- Broadway Star Nick Cordero 1978-2020 -- a brave battle and a family’s heartbreak -- after three months in the hospital fighting COVID-19 the actor and new dad lost his life to the virus; how his story and his wife’s unending love and devotion inspired people around the world 

Page 45: Raven-Symone: Introducing the Real Me -- after decades in the spotlight the former child star is independent in love and finally in control 

Page 48: A Fort Hood Soldier Murdered -- what happened to Vanessa Guillen? -- months after she mysteriously disappeared the 20-year-old was found dead; inside the shocking case 

Page 50: Carl Reiner 1922-2020 -- Farewell to a Comedy Legend -- creator of The Dick Van Dyke Show, father of Rob Reiner, BFF of Mel Brooks, mentor to Steve Martin, he entered and exited laughing 

Page 52: A Demand for Answers -- a young man’s tragic death -- Elijah McClain died last summer after police tackled and restrained him as he walked home from the store. His family is still asking why 

Page 54: NASCAR’s Bubba Wallace -- Driving for Change -- the sport’s only top-ranked African-American driver takes on the fight for racial equality 

Page 58: Poo-Pourri founder Suzy Batiz -- the sweet smell of success -- the mom of three overcame abuse, bankruptcy and depression then built am empire by taking the P.U. out of poo 

Page 63: Lindsay Ell surviving sexual assault -- after years of hiding her pain the country singer opens up and finds healing by helping fellow survivors 

Page 66: A Friendship Born in the COVID-19 ICU -- her kind words helped save his life -- an unexpected bond between a patient fighting to stay alive and a hospital housekeeper made all the difference just when it mattered the most 

Page 68: Patricia Heaton -- embrace your second act -- the actress shares adventurous stories of transformation including her own in a new book 

Page 69: Mike Monteleone 

Page 71: Liz Smothers, Ta’u Pupu’a 

Page 73: Dani Klein Modisett, Yudi Bennett 

Page 77: COVID-19 Surges Again -- as new infections set records epidemiologist Dr. Michael Osterholm talks about steps we can take to slow the spread 

Page 81: Summer Beauty Issues Solved -- Ciara 

Page 87: Second Look -- Lin-Manuel Miranda and Phillipa Soo in Hamilton 

Page 88: One Last Thing -- Charlize Theron