#my sister said something to our mom n she was like 'i dont know what that means' n i felt the fabric of time briefly rip n i was 12 again

[goldiipond]

i 100% support the strange videos my youngest sister enjoys because i loved the same sort of loud memey nonsense at her age and i know this is simply the inherent nature of middle schoolers. on the other hand i really miss pingas

[xxkissesforchanniexx]

𝐁𝐫𝐨 𝐂𝐨𝐝𝐞

Pairing: Chan x Lee Know little sister!fem!reader (non-idol au) Genre: Fluff + Smut angst kinda >.>(im bad at writing it forgive me...) Word Count: 8.6k (HOLY SHIT THATS THE LONGEST ONE YET) Warnings: mutual pining, mentions of cheating, protective Minho, underage drinking if you pay close attention, fighting >.> <.< DONT DO IT, unprotected sex pullout method >.>, cringe ending as usual. i think thats everything?

A/N: I genuinely started tweaking writing this uh requests are open until like august. this request is old... so... im sorry i only just got to it ;-; I'm also so sorry if the story is >.>... cringe T_T my brain has been like fried eggs lately.

The first time Chan agreed to go to Minho's house, he was in his sophomore year of high school, when Minho had mentioned he had a sister, Chan hadn't thought much of it.

Until Chan saw you; the pretty, sweet (to him at least), smart 8th grader that was Minho's little sister.

You had poked your head into Minho's room, "Bro have you seen my hair rollers?"

Chan looked up at you from his book.

Minho looked at you and made a face. "I don't know where you put that stuff."

"Minho!" You threw the door open and frowned at him. "You borrowed them!"

"WHY WOULD I BORROW THOSE???"

"I DON'T FUCK-" You paused, eyes flicking to Chan.

Minho smiled evilly. "I'm telling mom!"

"MIN!" You shouted, "OH!" You stomped your foot for a moment before huffing. You took long strides to Minho's bedside table and grabbed his wallet.

"Where are you going!?" He shouted as you went back to the door.

"Buy more hair rollers." You said, slamming the door behind you.

Chan looked at his book and cleared his throat trying to disguise his laugh. You were cute, just a little bit.

Minho looked at his friend before his eyes narrowed. "Hey."

Chan looked at him, "Huh?"

"Chan... You're my guy. My best friend." Minho got up from his bed and smiled genuinely at him, "For the sake of our friendship, don't..."

Chan raised a brow. "Don't what?"

Minho made a face. "Chan."

Chan laughed. "Minho. I couldn't. Be for real. She's your sister. I'll be with her and be constantly reminded of you." He shuddered.

"Haha." Minho punched him. "Promise?"

"How old are we?" Chan raised a brow.

Minho looked serious.

Chan sighed. "I promise."

Yet... he couldn't keep that promise. Not while you were so busy being you.

You pulled into your parents' driveway. You had just finished your sophmore year of college, you checked your phone and messaged Minho saying you were home and to open the door.

You waited for a few minutes, scrolling on instagram before checking to see if Minho had read your message. It was still on delivered..

You sighed and called his phone. It rang and rang, but he didn't answer. "MINHO!" You made a face and finally decided to check your brother's location.

He was an hour away. At the mall.

You were about to call him again when he called you first.

"Oh, you're home already?" he asked, munching on something.

"Yes." You exhaled. "Why aren't you here to let me in?!"

"HEY HEY HEY!" He said, "Someone is there."

"Who?" You fianlly got out of your car and grabbed your bag from the trunk, dragging it to the front door.

"Chan."

You made a face and rang the doorbell. "Yada yada."

"Hey, respect me. I'm older than you!" Minho huffed.

"Ah hush." You rang the bell again. "Is that weirdo friend of yours even here-"

The door opened and you looked at the man standing there, his hair was unruly and he looked like he just woke up. You looked him up and down for a moment- he looked different, older, more muscular, the tank top wasn't helping much, you could see the outline of his pecs. "Chan?"

"AH I told you he'd open the door-" Minho started but you hung up the phone.

The muscular man crossed his arms. "Do I know you?"

"Uh- I live here?" Your brows furrowed.

"The only women I know live here is Minho's mother and a silly 11th grader I haven't seen in years." Chan sighed, "Minho doesn't take squatters. He already has 3."

"Bang Christopher Chan." Your eyes narrowed. "Did you just call my babies SQUATTERS????"

Chan's mouth fell open. "Y/n-"

"I'm telling Minho!" You pushed into the house and Chan trailed behind you.

"Let me carry that bag for you-"

"No, no, no!" You swatted his hand away. "You think my babies are squatters." You huffed and ran to your elder brother's cat, Soonie, that happened to be looking around the corner.

Chan rolled his eyes and you picked it up and started baby talking to it. "It's a cat-"

"You speak fluent baby to Berry. Don't judge me." You walked with the cat up the stairs to your room.

Chan sighed deeply.

"Chan, bring my bag upstairs thanks." You smiled sweetly and skipped back up the stairs with the cat.

Chan tongued the inside of his mouth a bit annoyed, you hadn't changed one bit. You just looked more mature. More like a woman, the curve of your waist more defined to your hips, you seemed prettier, your- … What are you thinking...

Chan pursed his lips and grabbed your bag, taking it up stairs.

He watched as you entered your room.

"Did Minho touch any of my stuff?" You asked looking around.

"Not that I know of." Chan hummed setting the bag on the bed.

You turned and gasped. "MY GUDETAMA PLUSH IS GONE!"

Chan tilted his head. "Your what?"

You fumed. "MY EGG PLUSHIE!"

Chan's face fell. "The one that was over there-" He pointed to your desk.

Your eyes narrowed. "Bang Christopher Chan. Where is my egg-"

"HERE!" Minho shouted, sliding into your room, holding up a Gudetama plushie.

You looked at your older brother. "Minho. It's not even the same plushie."

Minho opened his mouth then closed it.

"MIN!"

"AHHH JISUNG DROPPED IT IN PAINT!"

"WHAT WERE YOU EVEN DOING IN MY ROOM??!?!"

"It was Changbin's idea!"

"OHH!! LEE MINHO! GET OUT!" You fumed.

Chan and Minho scurried away before Minho burst out laughing as he got to the bottom of the steps. Chan rolled his eyes and laughed.

"I'll give her the money to replace it later." Minho sighed, "Tryna get some drinks? Jisung is paying."

Chan nodded, grabbing his phone from the table and staring at your cat Dori. The brown, grey striped cat tilted its head at Chan and the man pet it gently. "Tell Y/N I'm sorry yeah?"

The cat purred and Chan smiled before following Minho out.

Chan finished off his alcohol and turned to Hyunjin, "Hyunjinnie."

The long, dark haired man looked at him, "Huh?"

"That egg thing Jisung covered in paint."

"What about it?" Hyunjin asked, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"What was it called?"

Jisung looked up from his food. "Gudetama?"

"Yeah that." Chan hummed. "Where do I get one that looks like it? Exact replica.."

Hyunjin shrugged. "Google it."

Chan huffed, and started searching.

Minho looked at him, "Why are you wondering?"

Chan pursed his lips. "We did mess it up."

Minho grabbed Chan's phone. "Chan." His face was expression was blank.

"Minho, I'm just trying to replace it." Chan grabbed his phone back and sighed.

Hyunjin gave Minho a look and kept eating.

Minho didn't say anything to Chan until everyone was going home only saying "see ya."

It was over a week later you came home with your friend Sua to hang out and when you opened your bedroom door you smiled at the sight of the a new Gudetama plushie. The CORRECT one.

"Where did that come from?" Sua asked as she sat on your bed, grabbing your Cinnamoroll and hugging it.

"Minho probably got it." You grabbed the egg and admired it except as you brought it to your face and inhaled, past the scent of the store... you smelled the cologne it smelled like... You pulled Gudetama away from your face and stared at it for a long moment.

"What?" Sua asked.

"Nothing..." You murmured.

Sua took the Gudetama from you and inspected it. "It's definitely new.. it smells like the store but..." She smelled it again. "Who's cologne is that?"

You rolled your eyes and grabbed it back, hugging it. "Doesn't matter.." But as you thought about the way he'd looked at you when he opened the door, the way his muscles seemed to strain against his shirt as he crossed his arms... You shook your head. So what if he had grown up a little bit. So had Minho's other friends, it didn't matter.

Yet recognizing the faint scent that lingered on the plushie, the faint scent you'd picked up from him as you pushed past him, you hugged the plushie just a little bit tighter.

Chan spun in the spinning chair in the library. He looked up at the ceiling, brain racing with so many thoughts. Had you seen it? Had you liked it?

"Chan." Hyunjin flicked his forehead. "Did I write my part good?"

"Uh huh." Chan said dismissively.

"You seem lost in thought..." Jeongin said, rolling over in his chair. "Something on your mind?"

Someone.. "No, nothing." Chan shrugged.

Jeongin's eyes narrowed, "I think..."

Chan looked at him. "Wha-"

Jeongin grabbed Chan's laptop and ran off with it, "THE SECRETS ARE HERE!" He shouted, "PROTECT ME HYUNG!"

Hyunjin tried his best to hold Chan in his chair but the latter easily sprang away and sprinted after Jeongin.

"INNIE RUN AWAY!" Hyunjin squealed.

As Chan was about to pounce on the younger man, the library assistant, a young woman with dark hair and brown eyes with a small mole on her cheek, cleared her throat. As Chan got a better look he realized the woman was your friend, Sua.

"Please be quiet." She rolled her eyes before walking into the small room and pushing the chairs back into place, she sniffed slightly, as if sick and Hyunjin offered her a tissue which she gratefully accepted before leaving the room.

Chan grabbed his computer from Jeongin and sat back in his spinning chair. "There is no secret."

The younger men looked at each other, "Sure," Hyunjin said, "Totally," Jeongin huffed.

As Sua walked away she smiled to herself and looked back. So that's who got Gudetama...

You were out with Sua at the mall, "Y/N." She smiled, "This would look so good on you." She pushed a very short skirt into your hands.

"Are we going to a strip club??" You stared at your friend in shock. "Min will kill me if I wear this."

She nudged you, "You can't stay so single and innocent forever." Sua's eyebrows bounced comically. "But then again.." She pulled the skirt to herself. "Do you think Seungmin would like me in this?"

You rolled your eyes. "If Seungmin noticed you."

She shoved you. "MEANIE!"

You giggled and kept looking for clothes.

"Ok..." She sighed.

You turned to the jewelry area and left Sua looking at bottoms alone. As you looked at the earrings and necklaces and bracelets, a pair of earrings caught your attention, it was simple, small silver half hoop earrings. You moved down the glass to get a better look and as you rested your hand on the glass display, a hand brushed yours. You looked at the hand for a brief moment before seeing the veiny arm, your stomach flipped.

You looked at the man, he looked at you, brow raised.

"Sorry." You pulled away.

"It was my fault." The man laughed. "I was just looking at those earrings." he pointed to the earrings you had your eyes on.

"Oh-" You smiled slightly, "I was looking at those too."

His eyes widened slightly, "You probably saw them first-"

"No it's fine." You were about to move away.

"It's fine really." the man waved over the store clerk. "How much for these?"

Your brows furrowed. "I-"

"550,000 sir." The clerk said.

The man slid his card across the table and smiled at you. "It's the least I can do, I think I made you uncomfortable."

You opened your mouth then closed it. What was this guy doing..

"I'm Minseok." He put his hand out to shake yours.

You smiled sheepishly. "Y/N, and really you don't have to get me these-"

The store clerk came back with a key and opened the glass display, closing the earrings box and putting it in a bag. The clerk handed the bag to Minseok with his receipt and card.

"I insist."Minseok handed you the bag.

"Y/N, did you find someth-" Sua came over, carrying a lot of bags and looked at you then Minseok and back at you, a devious grin spread across her lips and you wanted to hide.

Minseok wrote something on the back of his receipt before handing it to you. "Call me?" He smiled and walked out of the store.

"WHO WAS THAT FINE GLASS OF WINE????" Sua grabbed you, "What did he give you?" She grabbed the bag and smiled at the earrings, "Oh my, a man of taste! What's his name-"

"SUA!" you grabbed your friend's face. "Stop rambling. He bumped into me."

"And bought you earrings for 550,000 won as an apology?"

You sucked in a breath.

"He was definitely into you." She smiled dreamily. "If only I could find Seungmin in such a way."

You rolled your eyes. "Let's go."

But you had ended up shooting Minseok a text... why not?

Chan came over with the guys to celebrate Minho getting a promotion. "Ah, look at the best dance instructor this city has ever seen." Chan hugged him tightly as he entered the house.

Minho rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"Congrats man." Jisung patted Minho on the back, "Now with the money you're making you can finally pay when we go out to eat."

Minho made a face.

"Stop annoying him," Jeongin smiled. "But really congrats."

Minho smiled, "Come on in guys," He led the men in and to the dining room, "Tada!"

The men smiled at the sight of the barbecue and they all began eating. Chan teased Minho most of the evening until, he heard steps on the stairs. He turned to look at the stairs and his heart skipped a beat.

You were coming down the steps with Sua, dressed up to go out, skirt that showed your perfect legs and a shirt that drew attention to your curves and cleavage.

You came to your older brother and gave him a quick hug, "Congrats Minho."

As you started to pull away he grabbed your hand. "Jacket?" He asked.

You held up your jacket.

"Phone?"

You held up your phone the yellow Gudetama case that Sua had bought you drew Chan's attention momentarily.

"Pepper spray?" Minho tilted his head.

You shook your purse a bit.

He smiled, "Have fun. Don't let a creep touch you."

"Yeah yeah." You followed Sua out.

"Where's she going?" Changbin asked, munching on his beef.

"Party." Minho shrugged.

"Bound to get attention dressed like that," Hyunjin sipped his soda, "Who's party?"

"Some guy from college apparently." Minho shrugged. "Sua's with her so she should be fine."

Chan's eyes narrowed, "Minho, you're letting her go to 'some guy's' party?"

Minho looked at him. "She'll call if something happens, besides she knows not to drink."

Chan sighed, "Alright."

The other men looked at them, but no one said anything.

After the little celebration Chan was driving home, it was almost 1 in the morning, he came to a red light in front of a bar and tapped his thumb on the wheel to the rhythm of the music. He glanced out at the bar and his brows furrowed. There was a girl who looked suspiciously like you, stumbling out.

Chan was about to ignore it when a man came out of the bar after the girl. He sighed, the cars at the cross section slowing down and just as he was about to drive he watched as the girl reached into her bag for something and pulled out a yellow case with lazy egg.

Chan pulled off to the side and got out of his car as the man grabbed your shoulder. You shoved him off in your drunk daze but he was persisting.

And right as he grabbed your wrist Chan grabbed his forearm. "Can't you see she doesn't like you?" Chan's eyes narrowed, "Get out of here before I beat the shit out of you."

The man stared at Chan for a moment. Chan gripped the man's arm tighter.

"Bitch." The man released you roughly and stormed off down the street.

"Chan-" You looked at him, about to speak.

"Get in the car." He said lowly.

You opened your mouth, then closed it as he tilted his had at you daring you to say something back. You walked to the car and he opened the door to let you, closing it a you entered before going to the driver's side and entering.

"Please don't tell Min." You said as he settled.

"Where's Sua?" Chan turned to you.

"She ran off with some guy.." You said quietly.

"Why didn't you leave then?"

"Who are you my dad?"

"Y/N."

You looked at your hands. "I didn't want to."

Chan hook hi head and tarted the car again, before pulling back onto the road, he was about to go back to your house as he scolded you when you suddenly covered your mouth.

Chan sucked in a breath. "Y/N no- Not in my car-" Chan pulled over by a tree and you jumped out of the car and ran to the tree.

He cringed as you vomited and stepped out of the car, carefully taking your hair into his hand and holding it out of the way until you were jut dry heaving.

"You good now?" He asked.

You nodded.

Chan got you back in the car and gave you water.

"Chan..." You said after taking a drink. "Don't tell Minho. Please."

"Ok, ok, I won't." He sighed.

"Don't wanna go home."

"You have to."

"CHANNIE!" You whined.

Chan turned so fast, his head could've spun off his shoulders. He blinked before turning back to the road. Chris. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

"If I go home, Minho will know I'm drunk and he'll tell our parents and I won't be allowed out again." You grabbed his arm. "Chan.."

Chan sucked in a breath. "Just this once."

You smiled and hugged his arm. Chan felt his face getting hot but kept driving back to his place.

Chan had really trusted you when you said you were fine, you vomited again, outside his apartment complex and this time it had gotten on your shirt. So when you had gotten into his apartment he forced you to the bathroom and gave you some of his clothes to wear.

You were lying on Chan's couch, half asleep while he got you food because you wouldn't stop asking.

Your phone rang.

Chan was about to grab it but he froze. What would Minho think...

You grabbed your phone and answered. "Hello... No... I'm at Sua's... Chan? No I haven't heard from him... No I didn't drink... No I didn't bring a guy with me to Sua's... Okay... Tell my babies I love them... Good night Min." You hung up the phone and looked at Chan. "All handled."

Chan turned to face you and his stomach did somersaults. You standing there in his shirt, his sweatpants, looking so...

You tilted your head. "Are you drunk too, Channie?" You hummed.

Chan shook his head. "Haha. Here eat."

You smiled and took the food, going back to the couch, munching. Chan closed himself in the bathroom and stared at himself in the mirror. He rubbed his hands over his face for a moment before tuning on the tap and splashing his face. "Christopher... It's Y/N." he told himself. "It's just Y/N.."

A knock on the bathroom door made Chan look up. He patted his face dry with the towel on the bar and opened the door.

You stood there, looking at him. "Are you okay?" You asked.

He nodded, "I'm just really tired."

"I'm sorry for bothering you." You muttered, "Thank you.."

Chan felt his heart flutter and he smiled gently. "It's okay. Sleep in my room 'kay? I'll take the couch."

"I can't.." You mumble.

Chan made a face, "Why?"

"I don't have Gudetama.."

Chan opened his mouth then closed it.

"It keeps me safe at night." You looked down and gripped the hem of your his shirt tightly in your hands.

What was Chan supposed to say... What could he say without sounding weird or mean..

"Stay with me?"

Chan broke out of his trance as he heard that. "What?"

"Stay with me.. Because I'm scared.. I won't tell Minho."

What could he have said....

"Alright."

You woke up, head pounding, in the softest bed you've ever been in, as you opened your eyes you winced as the sun entering through soft grey curtains assaulted your already pained brain. You felt a breath against your hair and were about to jump away when the scent hit you... You looked around momentarily, it must be really early.

It wouldn't hurt.. You relaxed against his chest and hugged the arm he had around your waist. He was warm. Infectiously so. You felt warm in more ways than one. You smiled contentedly and closed your eyes again. Minho didn't have to know.

When you woke up again you heard voices, you sat up and slowly got out of Chan's bed. Your head throbbed slightly but you ignored it out of curiosity, you poked your head out the door and listened.

"I'm screwed, Hyunjin..." Chan said softly.

"If you tell Minho I'm sure he won't be that mad." Hyunjin replied.

Mad why? Because Chan helped me?

"Hyunjin." Chan said, more firmly. "I promised."

"Chan, it's completely human to feel like tha-"

"Hyunjin-ah!" Chan said a bit loudly before quieting himself. "It's not that I feel like that, even when I'm not feeling like THAT, I feel like..." Chan sighed deeply.

You backed up into the room. Feel like what... You wondered before grabbing your phone and texting Sua to come pick you up with a change of clothes.

When you got in Sua's car you looked at her.

"Do I have a lot to tell you?" She said giddily.

"I don't want to hear about what you did last night-" You started.

"Not me you dummy! The guy you met at the mall."

You turned to face her completely. "What about him?"

"He followed me on instagram this morning, I think he was seriously into you. He wants you to call him so he can take you out." She raised her brows stupidly.

"I-" you closed your mouth and thought about it for a moment, what harm could there be in going on one date? "I'll give him a call later."

"Atta girl!" Sua squealed before turning on her car and pulling out of Chan's apartment complex, "But guess what?"

"What?" You raised a brow.

"I SAID GUESS!" She wined.

"Ok, ok..." You racked your brain for a moment. "You bought new shoes?"

As Sua came to an intersection she slowed to halt at the red light and smacked your arm. "No."

"OW!" You huffed. "Tell me."

"I got Seungmin's number!"

You blinked. "How?"

She smiled, "Well, as I was going home with that guy yesterday Seungmin happened to be around and saved me-"

"Didn't you ask that guy to go home with you thou-"

"HUSH I'm not done!" She huffed, turning back to the road as the light turned green. "And Seungmin saved me and told me not to go home with strangers and if I get drunk again with no ride, I should call him." She sighed dreamily before her expression snapped to one of confusion. "How did you end up in Chan's apartment?" Her eyes widened, "DID YOU GUYS-"

"NO!" You shrieked. "No, he kept his distance."

"And you slept alone? YOU?!"

You pursed your lips. "When I woke up he was in bed too bu-"

"BUTT NAKED?!"

"SUA! NO! WE WERE CLOTHED!" You felt your face getting hot.

"You were drunk, in a man's house and you didn't do anything?? Not even kiss?"

"No." You slapped your cheeks. "We didn't do anything."

"But.. did you want to?" She glanced at you before looking back at the road.

"No." You rolled your eyes. Then you remembered. How he'd looked at you in his apartment, like he wanted to pounce on you. "Bu-"

"Did he want to do something?" Sua drove into a café's parking lot.

"I..." Your face felt hotter as you remembered how Chan held you. "I don't know..."

That was all Sua needed to ramble about how Chan must be pining over you. And it was for that reason you didn't mention what you'd heard Chan telling Hyunjin that morning.

You'd called Minseok that evening, he insisted that you stay home and get past your hangover and that he could meet you another day. Though it wasn't intentional, you and Minseok spoke almost on the daily, before he asked you if you wanted to go out for lunch. You were about ready to go out when someone knocked on your bedroom door. You opened it and blinked at the sight of Chan.

He was looking at his phone for something. "Minho wanted to know when you'd be back so we could get dri-" He froze as he looked up at you.

"Chan?" You tilted your head slightly.

"Uh.. You look really pretty." He said.

You looked down and smiled slightly.

"Who are you even going to meet up with?"

You opened your mouth then closed it, no one knew about Minseok except Sua and Minho. "A guy."

Chan visibly stiffened. "Who?"

"I'll tell you about him later-" You tried to move past him but he blocked the doorway with his body.

"Where did you get those?" He pointed at your earrings.

My date.. "Sua." You lied.

He nodded. "Okay.."

You moved past him and managed to dodge your brother's inventory check as you skipped to the door. Right as the bell rang.

You opened it and smiled at Minseok. He smiled gently before his gaze flicked behind you.

You looked back at Chan and smiled.

Chan wanted to kill that guy. He didn't like him one bit, not the way he smiled or the way he took your hand to lead you out. Nothing. But more than that, Minseok always always looked at Chan as if he'd won something, as if Chan had lost the battle and the war he didn't even know had started. Two into your relationship and Minseok still had that look for Chan. Two months.

Minho had invited Minseok along with the guys for drinks. The entire night Minseok was giving Chan sideways looks. Until Minho asked, "How did you meet Y/N?"

"Oh," Minseok smiled fondly at his drink. "I bumped into her at the mall and I made her a bit uncomfortable with how awkward of an apology I gave so.. I bought her a pair of earrings and gave her my number. I didn't expect her to call back really... But fate is nice.."

Chan's brows furrowed. "What kind of earrings?"

"Silver ones-" Minseok started.

"Half hoops?" Chan pressed, gripping his bottle.

"Yeah." Minseok said, "Small, silver, half hoops."

Chan leaned back in his chair. You'd lied... You'd lied to him. For Minseok..

"Channie-hyung-" Jeongin reached for him.

Chan pushed back his chair and smiled at Minho, "I'm going to head back early," He waved at the other men and rested his gaze on Minseok for a brief moment.

"You're drunk, let me at least call you a cab-" Minho started.

"I want to walk."

"It's dar-"

"Goodnight guys." Chan turned and left them all at the table in confusion.

Hyunjin shot Seungmin a knowing look and kept drinking.

Chan wandered aimlessly for a while, lost in thought. He eventually found himself at a playground and sat down on a swing. As he swung back and forth, he thought about you and Minseok. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair at all..

He felt his eyes welling with tears. "What are you even crying about Chris?!" He groaned in frustration and wiped the tears from his eyes.

He cared too much, about you and Minho. He cared too much to see you with someone else. He cared so much that it hurt to care. Even as he took deep breaths to compose himself he couldn't stop the hot salty tears streaming down his cheeks.. But-

"Channie?"

He looked up at the sound of your voice. You stood there, in a sweater that definitely wasn't yours... It was probably Minseok's... and a pair of sweatpants.

"Why are you crying?" You sat in the swing next to him and stared at him.

If only you knew...

"I've just been thinking recently." He muttered.

"A penny for your thoughts?"

Chan stared at you for a long moment and then simply leaned over and rested his head in the crook of your neck and shoulder.

You stared blankly for a moment before relaxing and stroking his dark hair gently.

"Can I ask you something.." He muttered against your skin and you felt a chill go down your spine.

"Anything..." You breathed.

He pulled away and looked into your eyes. "Will you stop me?"

"From doing what?" You stared at him in confusion for a moment before he leaned into you, breath mingling with yours.

"This.." He muttered, plump lips grazing yours before they finally met your own in a gentle kiss. He pulled away for a moment, giving you the opportunity to shout at him, to slap him and ask if he was okay mentally.

But you didn't..

And he kissed you again, deeper this time, his tongue prodding at your lips for entry. You clutched Chan's shirt as his tongue slid into your mouth, the taste of alcohol still on his lips, but you didn't pull away. Not when he kissed you like that, kissed you like he'd been meaning to for months... years even. You didn't pull away even as you felt the burn of your lungs begging for air. But he pulled awa, his eyes dark, pupils blown, clouding over with something you hadn't seen before.

You sat up in bed and slapped your flushed cheeks. What on earth were you thinking...

Chan noticed you were steering clear of him like the plague. You were going back to school soon so maybe that's why. He saw you when he and Jeongin came over to see Minho but even then you only waved at him at the door and kept about your business. Maybe he had done wrong kissing you like that.

You were leaving again. Bags all packed and ready to go back to your dorm.

"AH!" Changbin hugged ypu tightly. "You're leaving us again! Who will come to Changbin Salon if you go!"

You giggled. "I'll be back in a few months for Christmas guys. Don't worry about me-"

"Y/nnie." Minho sighed, smoothing out her clothes, "Just take care of yourself. Don't get drunk. Don't stay up late. Don't talk to weirdos-"

You hugged your brother and rolled your eyes. "Whatever."

Your parents started bickering with you about taking care of yourself.

You gave Minseok a kiss and he hugged you tightly, whispering something in your ear that made you giggle.

You finally looked at Chan and smiled.

Chan smiled too, eyes widening in shock slightly as you hugged him tightly. He relaxed and hugged you back. "Take care."

You nodded, "Bye!" You got into your car right as Changbin and Minho finished throwing your stuff into the trunk.

They all waved as you pulled out of the driveway, and you were gone again...

Chan stuck around for a bit longer chatting with Minho and your parents before deciding to go home. As Chan made his way to his car he stopped as he heard someone.

"Chan."

Chan turned and stared at Minseok. "Huh?"

"Do yourself a favor," Minseok pulled out his own car keys and unlocked his vehicle. "And stay away from Y/N. 'Kay?"

Chan raised a brow. "Is there a problem with me being around her?"

"A little bird told me, you just want to get your dick wet. So I suggest you find someone else." Minseok shrugged.

He stared at the other man for a long moment. "What if... I just want to take her from you?"

Minseok's eyes went wide.

Chan unlocked his car and got in before Minseok could say anything.

You'd been in school for a couple of months, sure, you called Minseok everyday, it didn't kill the feeling of him being so far away though.

You had gotten back from class and were doing your homework when you got a text from Minseok. You smiled slightly and picked up your phone to look at it. As you read his message you rolled your eyes and called him

He answered almost immediately. "AH! Baby. It feels like I haven't talked to you in forever."

You rolled your eyes and giggled. "We talked this morning."

"Exactly, forever." He joked.

You put the phone on speaker and set it down as you started getting your materials for studying. "When did you get so needy?"

"When did you get so distant?" he countered.

You laughed. "I'll be around soon."

"Take your time with your studies.. I don't want to mess up your brain right now."

You smiled. "It's fine really."

"I'm gonna be really busy soon."

"Oh?" You flipped through your textbook, taking notes. "With what?"

"Work stuff." he said dismissively.

"Don't overwork yourself."

"Says you."

You pursed your lips and sighed. "Minseok."

"AAH! Okay.. I have to go now, sleep early. Make sure you eat. AND DRINK WATER." He said.

"Okay. Good night baby."

"Good night y/nnie."

You hung up and leaned back in your chair thoughtfully. You should visit home soon..

The next following day you called Minseok after class he didn't answer. You shrugged it off and assumed he was busy with work as he said he would be.

You called Jisung and he ranted to you about how Minho was being annoying and how Seungmin was bouncing off the walls about Sua.

You smiled as you thought about how vividly she used to squeal about Seungmin. As you were about to go to sleep, your phone rang and you looked at the contact, smiling at your boyfriends ID before answering.

"Hey love, sorry I didn't answer. I got held up at work." he said.

"It's fine," You rolled onto your back and put the phone on speaker, yawning as you asked, "Anything happen at home?"

"You sound tired." he aid, "And no."

You hummed. "I am tired."

"Sleep. You have classes tomorrow."

"Fuck class. I'd rather stay up listening to you."

"When did you get so needy?" He teased.

You giggled.

As you listened to Minseok rant about work and other things you relaxed and fell asleep even though you said you wouldn't..

You didn't notice it at first, but almost a month later, you realized that Minseok never answered your calls; he always called you back, and always very late. You could try to blame it on his work, but something just didn't sit right with you. But you ignored the feeling. Planning to visit during your break in the fall and catch up with everyone.

What reason did you not have to trust Minseok?

When you called him the day before your trip he didn't answer. Which didn't surprise you at all. But you still felt a small pang as you looked at the box you'd purchased just a week earlier. What was surprising was that he didn't call you back.

Still you got in your car the next morning, and drove all the way back home.

Minho and your parents greeted you with bear hugs and kisses.

You went out with Minho later that day to go eat and after an intense game of rock paper scissors, you had to go to the front and order. As you made your order and Minho's you noticed Chan sitting at a table with a very pretty woman. You finished your orders and approached waving slightly at Chan.

He looked at you and smiled. "You're back in town already? How's school?"

You laughed. "I'm on break. School's fine." You noticed the way the girl stirred her drink with her straw. "Who's this?" You asked.

Chan looked at her then back at you. "Yeojin. She's a friend."

The girl gave you a small smile but you felt a bit tense. As if you were challenging her... "It's nice to meet you." She extended her hand out out you."

"Likewise." You smiled and took her hand gently shaking it before turning back to Chan, "I've gotta go, maybe we'll see each other around?"

He nodded. "It was nice seeing you." As you walked away you noticed how he spoke to Yeojin so passionately, taking her hands in his. Your heart panged. You should be happy... You should be happy he finally got over what he told Hyunjin that day... Yet it annoyed you. It made you so mad you wanted to scream. But you didn't. You ignored the feeling. You had Minseok. What more could you need?

"Have you heard from Minseok?" You asked your brother as he spun in the spinning chair by your desk.

"Not recently why?" He looked at you.

You shrugged, looking at your phone. You checked Minho's location and saw he was still at work. You'd wait for him to get to his apartment then you'd surprise him with your gift and everything would be good. "He's been stressing about work recently... I just wanted to make sure he's alright."

"Go see him then." Minho said, rolling his eyes.

"When he gets back from work." You smiled, looking at the box in your bag.

So almost two hours later, when you checked your phone and saw he was finally home. You took a cab to his apartment and eagerly, pushed the button at the elevator. You jumped a bit before calming yourself. It was just Minseok... your sweet, caring, affectionate, handsome man.

Yet as you got to his floor, as you approached his door something in you twisted. You felt wary for a reason you couldn't explain. Even as you typed the passcode for his lock and it beeped in affirmation, as you opened the door to his dark apartment, something in you still lurched in suspense. Like your body knew what was coming and your heart and mind couldn't accept it. Even as you rounded the corner of the hall and saw an extra pair of shoes by the entrance.

Heels..

You still walked through the living room and kitchen area. Right down to the other hall and to Minseok's bedroom door. Even as you heard them through the crack in the door you opened it.. and the tears that had been welling in your eyes since you walked into the dark apartment finally fell at the sight of Minseok, his dick buried in some other girl.

"Cho Minseok."

He sprang up, eyes wide like a deer in headlights as he finally took in your prescene.

You threw the box on the floor and whispered. "You asshole."

"Y/n!" You ran to the elevator and got in just in time to turn and see him running as the elevator closed, bedsheet wrapped around his waist as he called after you.

As the elevator went down your mind and heart finally caught up with the rest of your body and you fell to the cold floor and cried.

The last place Chan expected to see you, was bumbling down the street at night. Drunk.

Yet when he finally convinced you to get in his car he groaned and looked at you. "What on earth are you doing?"

You didn't answer, staring blankly out of the car window.

"I'll call Minseok to come get you-"

"Don't." You said quietly.

"Y/n." He sighed. "Minseok won't judge you for getting drunk, he probably won't tell Minho eithe-"

"Minseok is busy right now!" You snapped.

Chan stared at you. "Busy with what?"

"How is it your business?" You snapped. "You hate Minseok, I get it. but our relationship isn't your business."

"When are you going to stop him from running all over you, Y/N!?" Chan shouted.

You froze."Why do you care... go back to Yeojin."

Chan stared at you. "i have nothing with her..."

You took a few shaky breaths before you buried your face in your hands.

Chan took your hand and squeezed it gently whispering. "What happened?"

You looked at him, his coffee colored eyes so sincere. No judgement or ulterior motives, nothing but patience and empathy.

You leaned against him over the console. "He's with someone else."

"Since when?" He asked, his arm wrapping around your shoulders.

"I don't fucking know and I don't give a damn."

He hummed. "You wanna go home?"

"I don't want an earful from Minho." You said, closing your eyes.

Chan pulled away and started the car. The alcohol finally claimed your consciousness. You woke up a while later on Chan's bed, you sat up, still a bit tipsy. You stood from the bed and stumbled slightly as you walked. You saw Chan on the couch, staring at the ceiling.

"You left me alone again..." you said softly.

Chan looked at you. "I thought you'd be alright."

You stared at him.

"Come here.." he muttered.

You moved to him and sat beside him on the couch, leaning into hiss body heat.

You sat in silence for a few minutes, then your mouth ran faster than your brain could help and you asked. "Do you like me..."

Chan's body stiffened.

"Be honest.."

"Y/n."

"Tell me."

"Minho would be angry at me-"

"CHAN!" You snapped, pulling away from him. "No... I understand. No one really likes me because I'm jus-"

He cut you off, kissing you. Your eyes widened momentarily before you relaxed and kissed him back. Your already cloudy mind felt like it was covered by a drape of emotion you couldn't understand, taking all your air away, wrapping itself around you like an anaconda. It squeezed the very passion from your veins and pushed it all into that kiss.

Chan pulled away for air first and your eyes met as he finally whispered. "I don't like you. I love you."

You kissed him again as he leaned into you, pinning you to the couch. His lips moved from yours to your jaw and neck before he froze. Minho... He started to pull away. "Y/n we can't-"

You grabbed his face in your hands and whispered, tears brimming in your eyes, "Please..."

Chan couldn't tell in the rush of getting you from the couch into his room how he ended up beneath you. Staring up into your pretty eyes before you leaned down to kiss him, his tongue fought with yours as your hands lifted his shirt and ran over his chiseled abdomen. When you moaned softly into his mouth something in his snapped and he grabbed you. Flipping you both and pinning you to the bed, staring down at you.

You smiled up at him and he rolled his eyes before kissing you agan, his lips moving to attack your neck and collar bones before he pulled off your shirt. You whined and tugged at his before he pulled it over his head and tossed his somewhere. You reached up and caressed his stomach before he took your hand in his and your fingers intertwined as he pinned it to the bed.

"We shouldn't..." He mumbled against your lips.

"Want you to.." You whispered.

"Fuck.." he moaned softly against your lips and rubbed his crotch against your clothed heat.

You pulled your hands free and wrapped them around him, pulling him down to you. Your world seemed to blur and darken, your only focus the man above you. How he worshipped you, lips moving from your jaw to your throat, decorating your skin with love bites. Moving lower and pulling your pants down slowly.

It wasn't painful or rushed. He kissed you slowly, filling you to the brim and more, each thrust met with soft cry from you. His hands at your hip pulling you into each push of his pelvis against yours. He leaned down and kissed you, his body caging you in, you held onto him tightly, nails digging into his broad shoulders as he bucked into you again and again. Knocking the air from your lungs every time he fucked into you, pushing deep, deep.

Mesmerized by the sight of of your pussy engulfing his cock as you whimpered and mewled beneath him.

"Are you going to cum for me?" He mumbled in your ear. "Gonna milk me dry, sweet girl?"

Your back arched off the bed at that, Chan groaned and reached between you rubbing your sensitive clit.

"Cum for me princess." He breathed into your neck, pulling out slowly before stuffing his cock into you roughly again.

"Channie!" Your pussy clenched tightly around hiss manhood and he pulled out. Pumping his cock until his release shot onto your breasts and stomach.

He held himself over you. "Fuck..." He dragged himself up to get something to clean you but when he came his eyes went wide at the sight of your hands on your face the soft sound of your sobs reaching his earss. "Y/N- I shouldn't have. Did I hurt you? I'm sorry-"

"Not you." You said, taking a deep shaky breath.

"Then-"

You took your hands away from your face and smiled. "I love you Chan.."

He smiled gently and kissed your forehead before cleaning you and getting back into bed.

"Can I ask you a question?" You said in the quiet darkness.

"Huh?" He turned to you.

"Did you replace Gudetama?"

Chan smiled. "Was it so obvious?"

"It smelled like your cologne.."

"You paid attention to how I smelled?" he gasped in shock.

"Shut up." You smacked his chest and rolled your eyes despite your face going hot.

He smirked and kissed the top of your head. "I don't mind."

You rolled your eyes but moved closer, relaxing into his warm embrace before falling asleep.

Chan hugged you to his chest, staring up at the ceiling as he caressed your hair. He heard something buzz and looked at your phone on his bedside table. He took in your peacefully sleeping face and smiled about to ignore it. Then it rang.

He moved away from you slowly and reached over you grabbing the jingling device. Minseok's face flashed across your screen. Chan made a face and answered, pulling the covers over your bare body before bringing the phone to his ear.

"Y/N! I'm so glad you finally answered! Baby it's not what you thought! I don't even know her real-"

"Y/n is busy," Chan said, looking at you sleeping.

"Chan?" Minseok asked, confused. "Pass her the phone."

"She's exhausted," Chan said, "and it's because of you. I doubt she'll call you back, so please don't call my girl's number again."

"YOUR GIRL??" He shouted on the other end of the line. "BANG CHAN! THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"

Chan smiled to himself as he said. "Going to sleep with my girlfriend." He got back into bed and smiled at your sleeping face. "Good bye Minseok."

"Oh, Chan I swear-"

Chan hung up and pulled you close to him again.

"What was that about?" You asked half asleep.

"Nothing." Chan kissed your forehead. "Go to sleep."

Chan drove you home the next morning. You were still a bit sad, but as you unlocked the front door your eyes widened at the sight of a disheveled looking Minseok sitting in your kitchen with your elder brother. Chan followed close behind you, his eyes narrowing when he saw the men.

"Y/N!" Minseok jumped from his seat and ran to you.

"Don't touch me!" You shouted as he tried to hug you.

Minho turned to you and Chan. "Minseok told me everything."

"Then why would you let him in-" You started.

"Bang Chan." Minho said quietly. "Get out."

"Minho-" Chan started.

"Get out!" your brother shouted.

"Y/n baby what happened?" Minseok touched your face and you slapped him away.

"What did you tell him?!" You pointed a finger at Minseok.

"What there was to be said." He grabbed your hands and you pulled away.

"Minho. I know what you're thinking-" Chan tried to calm your brother who was standing up now.

"Oh you do?!" Minho said, clearly getting aggravated by Chan's prescence.

"Listen to me-" Chan said, putting his hands up as MInho approached.

But he was cut off by punch to the face that made your eyes widen.

"Bro-" You tried to grab Minho but Minseok grabbed your hand.

"Let's talk about this-" He said before you slapped him hard.

"I told you to stay away from my sister." Minho said, walking up to Chan as he took several steps back.

"Minho let me explain!" Chan said, trying to stay out of his friend's range.

"There's nothing to explain!" Your brother shouted.

"Bro please!" Chan tried.

"Minho!" You grabbed your brother's arm.

He whipped around to face you. "You can't seriously defend him! Y/N!"

"Maybe I am!" You shouted, you walked between Chan and Minho. "No.. I am defending him. He didn't do anything wrong."

Your brother stared at you before looking at Chan and muttering. "Leave."

"Minho." You said softly.

Chan bit his lip before grabbing Minseok and dragging him out with him.

"Why would you do that?!" You shouted as Chan slammed the door behind him.

"Chan wouldn't care about you! IF you knew LIKE I DO you'd understand!" Minho yelled back.

"I don't know him like you do! BUt you should've let him explain!"

"What was there to explain?! He dragged you to bed when you were drunk-"

"DO YOU KNOW WHY?!" You cut him off. "MINSEOK IS AN ASSHOLE! Minseok cheated on me! Chan didn't want to go that far. I asked him to! I like Chan A LOT! Whatever rule or whatever shit you have that keeps me from being with him needs to stop..." You trailed off. "Because you might lose me too."

Your brother stood there in shock as you ran up the stairs.

It was a week later when Chan was out with Jisung, Hyunjin, and Changbin.

"Just tell Minho you're sorry." Changbin said sipping his cola as the three waited for their food.

"He wouldn't even let me talk." Chan groaned, burying his face in his hands.

"Tragic really." Jisung sighed.

Chan and Changbin looked at their friend with blank expressions as if to say be fricking for real.

Jisung sipped his drink. "I think you should just wait a bit. You know? I doubt Minho will stay mad forever, he's your good friend..."

Chan nodded. "I should just apologize whenever he calms down."

"If he doesn't just walk away from the toxic controlling friend." Hyunjin shook his head.

"Apologize now then."

Hyunjin jumped in fear at Minho's voice. "HYUNG!"

Minho looked at Hyunjin. "You'll eat tissues later."

Chan stared at Minho. "How did you even know I was here?"

Jisung looked completely invested in the bubbles floating in his soda suddenly.

Minho laughed and Chan sighed before standing. "Minho I-"

"I'm sorry for punching you." Minho said, "I'm sorry for accusing you of... things... and I'm sorry for making you stay away from Y/N..."

Chan smiled at his friend. "It's alright, I mean I didn't say I liked her before you threw that ban on me suddenly.. I'm sorry too."

The men smiled at each other.

"Hug it out! Hug it out Hug it out! Hug it-" Hyunjin started only to shrink away in fear as Minho grabbed a bunch of napkins from the dispenser on the table.

You laughed and Chan turned to you. "You're here.."

"Someone had to stop Min if he ended up attacking someone." You smiled.

"THEN HELP ME!" Hyunjin started only to get a mouthful of tissues.

You giggled and smiled at Chan as MInho gave him a look.

"May I kiss you princes?" Chan smirked, leaning into you.

MInho acted like he was going to vomit. And Jisung dramatically passed out.

"You may."

Chan pressed his lip against yours.

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!" MInho said rolling his eyes. "You should compensate me for the mental and emotional distress I went through, I say buy me pizza!"

© 2024 xxkissesforchanniexx. DO NOT COPY OR TRANSLATE MY WORK

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

@asahisimpnation, @juskz

[sturniolos-blog]

omg hi , I have a request for you . I was just thinking this , I dont know if you want to do it but I was thinking maybe the reader is a guess in one of they podcast and they daughter comes in the room and interrupt them or maybe they son comes up and its worried about his sister cause she is sad or upset or did something bad. Or maybe they doing a podcast and they hear a loud bang and it was they kids . They kids are around like maybe 6 or 8 years old. I dont know I just thought of that and that hey maybe you would love it . also love your writing so much .

Podcast with a twist - Matt Sturniolo x Y/n oneshot

warnings - throw up, fluff, sickness

disclaimer: i just made up a podcast topic this isn’t actually a topic

i also know they ending the podcast but like ntm on it. 3rd person pov

—————————

6:05pm

“Alright, good evening campers. Today we have a special but not new guest on today’s podcast, Y/n Sturniolo!” Nick introduces.

Y/n let’s out a laugh, playing with her fingers. “Hello, guys. Happy to be here.” She says shyly, Matt looking at her in adoration.

Everyone let’s out a small chuckle.

“So on our instagram story we asked you guys what questions you have for Y/n. So, Chris will start.” Matt said, giving Y/n a small smile as Chris began to read.

Chris looks off his phone, “Y/n, are you a stay at home mom? and if you aren’t what do you do for work?” Chris read.

Y/n took in a breath, “Well, i actually work from home but i am a journalist. I have lots of articles published that you can read on losangelesnews.com. I also do have an office but i prefer to work at home.” She smiles.

Matt gives her a small wink which wouldn’t go unnoticed by viewers but he didn’t mind.

“Alright, next question. This is kind of for Matt and Y/n. What made you pick Estrella and Mailo for names?” Nick asked.

Y/n looked at Matt, expecting him to answer first.

Matt gives Y/n a nod to start first though.

“Uh- so yo hablo español y estoy hispanic, soy de Puerto Rico. Anyway, quise to do something with a star. Therefore Estrella means star in spanish, porque Ella es mi star and will always be.” Y/n answers, smiling.

yo hablo español y estoy hispanic, soy de puerto rico: i speak spanish and im hispanic, im from puerto rico.

quise: I wanted

porque ella es mi: because she is my

(i’m saying puerto rico because i’m puerto rican but if you are hispanic or latina you can fill in for wherever you are from.)

Matt smiles and nods, “I agree. She’s both our stars.”

Chris and Nick share a look before Chris speaks up, “I only understood maybe half of what you said but that’s sweet.”

Y/n laughs, “It’s okay, Chris.” She says, running a hand through her hair.

“What about Mailo? Where’d you guys come up with that?” Nick asked, looking between Y/n and Matt.

“I wanted something simple but different, so Mailo is a simple name just spelled differently.” Matt shrugged, making Chris and Nick nod.

Chris then went to ask another question, “So, Y/n when-”

“Mommy!” Mailo calls out, running in the podcast room and around the table to where Y/n was sitting.

Y/n scrunched her eyebrows, “Que pasa, hijo?” She asked, brushing some hair out of his face.

que pasa, hijo: what’s wrong, son?

“I think Estrella is upset, she’s not talking to me.” Mailo said, hugging Y/n’s knee.

Y/n sighed, “Okay, I can go check on her after, sweetheart, me and daddy are busy, baby-”

“No! Now! Mommy!” Mailo started to stomp, shaking Y/n’s knee.

“Mailo, buddy, relax.” Matt said, sternness to his voice, enough to make Mailo calm down.

Y/n rubbed her forehead, “Sorry, guys. I’m gonna go check on my daughter.”

Matt nodded, responding first. “It’s okay, go baby.” He said.

Y/n smiled and Mailo took her hand as they left the room.

Y/n walked into the living room seeing Ella on the couch, holding her stomach.

“Ella? Estás bien?” Y/n asked her four year old, walking over and sitting on the couch.

Estás bien?: are you okay?

Estrella lets out a soft whimper, Y/n now noticing the tears down Ella’s face. “Me duele el estomago, mommy.” She lets out a soft cry.

me duele el estómago: my stomach hurts

“Alright, baby. Come on, let’s go lay down.” Y/n told her, grabbing her hand.

She left out another soft cry, making Y/n give her a sad smile and pick her up. “Okay, mommy’s got you.” Y/n cooed as they started to walk up the stairs and to Matt’s old room since they weren’t home.

Y/n then placed Ella down on the bed before she made a weird sound, indicating she was about to throw up.

Y/n immediately backed up, rushing to get the trash can but it was too late as Ella leaned over the side of the bed and threw up on the floor.

Y/n let out a sigh.

Estrella finished rubbing her mouth with her hand.

“Okay, Ella, don’t do that, hold on, baby, let me clean you up.” Y/n said, going to the bathroom before coming back with a wet wash cloth.

She steps over the throw up on the floor and sits on the bed, Ella was sitting there crying as she wiped her own tears. “I’m sorry, mama!” Ella cried.

“Don’t cry, baby. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.” Y/n hushed, taking the wet washcloth and wiping ella’s face and hands. “Arms up, lovey.” Y/n said, signaling she was gonna change Ella’s shirt for her.

Y/n was grabbing another shirt when the door opened.

“Hey, is everything alr- woah. Someone threw up.” Matt said, looking away at the sight.

“Yes, your daughter did.” Y/n said, a little grumpiness in her tone as she put another shirt on Ella.

Y/n leaned down and kissed Ella’s head as Ella started to fall asleep.

“Can one of you lay down with me?” Ella asked softly, her eyes still closed.

Matt looked at me, i nodded, signaling him to lay down with her while i get stuck cleaning the throw up.

Matt smiled and got on the bed, taking Ella’s small body in his arms, kissing her head and rubbing her back.

—————————

this was lazy but i just wanted to get ts out

tag list: @sturniolosmind @novasturniolo03 @hearts4chriss @vinniehackerslefttoe @christhopersturniolo @mattybswife @streamermattsgf @sturnolio-luvs @sturnioloslurps @marlenafortuna @lovergirl4387 @sturniololovesss @junnniiieee07

[reginageorgesgirlfriend3020]

A heart to heart conversation and I am in love with you

"My gosh Sam stop calling me beautiful!!" You snapped. "Stop calling me beautiful! Stop calling me the prettiest girl you've ever seen, just stop!!" You yelled.

Sam was taken back by your angry outburst.

Chad, Tara, Quinn, Anika, and Mindy were also taken back.

You walked away still livid and angry and slammed the door to the room.

Sam sighed. She had no idea how to react.

"Sam", Tara said. "Just give her space to cool off. Okay?".

"Wow", said Mindy. "I have never seen (Y/n) yell at Sam like that ever". she said.

"Yeah". Said Anika.

"That was scary". Said Chad.

Quinn gave Sam a hug. "Just give (Y/n) some to cool down.

"Did I do something wrong guys?" Sam asked her sister and her best friends. "All I did was tell (Y/n) that shes beautiful". Sam started to tear up. She put her head on her hands as her sister and best friends went to comfort her. Sam wiped the tears from her eyes and said "That poor thing. Something must be troubling (Y/n). She must be in some kind of emotional distress. Did me calling her beautiful trigger her?". She asked.

"Its definitely possible". Said chad. "We'll stand by the door incase she wants to talk to us too. Maybe shes going through something".

After an hour Sam got up from the couch and said to Tara and her best friends "I'm gonna go talk to (Y/n)".

Sam walked to the bedroom door and knocked on the door. She opened it and saw you just sitting on the side of the bed.

"Hi". You said.

"Hi babe". Sam said. She sat on the side of the bed next to you.

Tara, Chad, Mindy, Anika, and quinn stood by the door.

You sighed. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. Its just", you said to sam. You started to cry. "Im extremely insecure! I'm nowhere the look of a model I dont even think im pretty I dont know how to feel about myself because-"

"Hey, hey, hey". Said Sam. "You're pretty. Very pretty. Have you seen you lately? You have the most beautiful long hair and the most beautiful hazel green eyes". Sam said to you.

"I don't! And I'm not!" You cried.

"(Y/n)" said Quinn. "Where's all this coming from?" She asked you.

"I was in a relationship for about 6 years way before I met you guys and Sam". You said.

Everyone looked at you and sat next to you and Sam.

"It was pure hell". You said. One minute she told me she respects me and the next minute she made my life hell. She was controlling. Manipulative. During that time I lived with her and her mom my ex girlfriend even had this look on her face and raised her hand to me". You said to everyone.

"What?" Quinn said in disbelief.

"That is awful". Said Anika.

"Do you want me, Anika, and Quinn to kick her ass? Because we will!" Said Tara.

Sam gave you the most safe and warmest hug ever. "Oh (Y/n). How did you end the relationship?" Sam asked.

"We got into a terrible argument. I walked away from her. She told not to walk away from her. I told her to never speak to me ever again and I blocked her number. My ex is very toxic to my mental health. My ex never gave me a compliment. Anything I did was never good enough for her. She made jokes about me that were hurtful and mean. She'd insult me with little verbal jabs whenever she could. And she never told me I'm beautiful. She made things so terrible that I had to block her number more than once. Even a crisis counselor had to come to the house. But once I ended that relationship I moved here. Got a great job too". You said.

"Well you know what?" Said Chad. "You're safe here with us. We've all got your back. We love having you around. And your ex blew it big time with you. Now it's our turn to show you how special you are to all of us". He said. He smiled.

You smiled. "Thank you guys for being here for me. I never told you guys about my ex because it triggers my anxiety". You said to everyone.

"You're very brave for sharing what you went through". Said Quinn.

"Its not easy to talk about past experiences but you did and I'm glad you shared it with us and told us about what you went through with your ex. Chad is right. Your ex blew it with you big time". Said Anika.

Mindy gave you a hug and said "You can count on is to always be here for you".

"Thank you guys. Can you give me and sam a minute please?" You asked.

"Yeah. Of Course". Said Tara. "And (Y/n)?"

"Yes Tara?" You said.

"You're a great friend. When you chased ghostface and had him running that was pretty bad ass". Said Tara. She smiled.

You giggled.

After Chad, Mindy, Tara, quinn, and Anika left and closed the door you sat closer to your girlfriend.

"So". You and your girlfriend Sam said at the same time.

"I'll go first". Said Sam. "If I triggered you in any way I am truly sorry. I didn't mean to trigger you baby. I just want you to know how beautiful you are". Sam said to you. "And that I am so deeply madly in love with you".

You smiled. "Oh Sam". You said lovingly to her. "Do you mean that?".

"I do". Said Sam.

"Even when my hair is wet from the shower?" You asked.

"Yes". Sam said to you.

"Even when im just in my football Jersey and sweatpants?" You asked sam.

"Yes". sam said to you.

"Sam". You said to her. "I'm not the best with words but trust me when I say that I am so in love with you. You make me feel beautiful. And safe". You said to Sam.

Sam held you tight. She looked deep in your hazel green eyes and kissed you so affectionately. You kissed her back and gave her a hug too. You've always loved her hugs.

"I love you". You said to your girlfriend.

"I love you too baby". Sam said to you. "Now let's go grab some lunch. I'm hungry".

You and sam were holding hands and everyone smiled at you and Sam. "Me and my girlfriend (Y/n) are gonna get lunch. Does anyone want anything from Jersey Mike's?" You asked.

"Bring us all back anything from there. We are hungry too". Said Mindy.

You nodded. "Okay".

"I'll be back. I'm gonna grab my purse". Sam said to you.

"Okay babe". You said to Sam. Sam gave you a kiss on the cheek and went to get her purse. She took her keys and purse with her and said "Ready".

Sam opened the door as she waited for you. "Thank you chad. Mindy. Quinn. Tara. Anika. For everything".

You walked out the door with Sam holding her hand.

And everytime you and Sam hold hands you feel comfort.

[xsunnysucculentx]

polaroids

part five

summary: you get to know task 141 better and a small sparring session with ghost

warnings: mentions of lost father

pronouns: she/her

--------------------------------------------

"why didn't you listen to me, y/n?" price asked and you slouched on the edge of your bed, feeling like a kid being scolded by their parent.

"i heard someone say we had a soldier down, price, i can't just stand there and watch while being out of ammo!"

"look, i know you don't like taking orders, but how do you think im gonna explain to your mom that you died while under my watch?"

"there's no need to, i survived and i even saved ghost!" you argued and looked up to price. "i know you want to protect me, but im grown up now price.. i can handle myself, really."

"i know, i just.." he sighed and gave you a sad smile. "..i just dont want it to happen again"

you nodded, knowing what he meant and got up. "im not him, john.."

"yeah.. i know." his eyes softened and you smiled a little. "well, anyway, im gonna leave you to whatever you were about to do. don't forget that alejandro is cooking today"

"won't do" you smiled, taking a mental note to not come too late to dinner with the guys. price left your room, but turned around in the door. "i like your name. suits you." he closed the door before you could say thank you and left you to your own thoughts.

you pulled out some crystals and started putting them through the small room. the big orange salt rock on your nightstand, the smaller crystals around it and on your table. the room looked quite cold, you couldn't help but feel kinda uncomfortable here. you put up some polaroids on the side of your wardrobe, a picture of you and your sister on the wooden table and looked down at it. maybe one letter wouldn't hurt.. just so she'd know that you were alive.

your thoughts were interrupted when you heard a knock on your door. you gathered yourself for a second and opened it. ghost stood there in a black hoodie and grey sweatpants, his mask over his face and his hands clasped behind his back.

"hello" you greeted him and made way to let him into your room.

"hello" he replied and went into your room. "i wanted to ask if you'd like to come to the common room? soap said that we had to work on our friendship to you or something like that, so we could understand each other better on the field."

"we understood each other perfectly" you joked and put your hands on your hips. "ah, sure why not, decorating can wait."

"that your sister?" ghost pointed to the picture on your table and you nodded.

"10 years ago, she's 7 here"

ghost just nodded and looked around in your room. you like crystals, as it seemed.

"oh wait!" you opened your wardrobe and took out the polaroid camera. "i still have a couple of pictures left, do you think we could take some?" you were excited. it was kinda.. cute.

"yes, sure." ghost said and made his way out of your room, you following him quickly.

"we know next to nothing about you rain and you know almost nothing about us!" gaz explained and you sat down between soap and him on the round black couch at the common room.

"what do you wanna know then?"

"everything!" soap put some potato crisps in his mouth and munched on them. "seems like you're gonna stay a while. my name's johnny."

"im kyle" gaz said and shook your hand jokingly.

"you know my name" alejandro said and winked. all eyes landed on ghost and he looked you straight in the eyes.

"simon"

"its so nice to get to know you all!" you clapped your hands lightly. "im y/n"

"ohh thats a pretty name" soap commented and you nodded.

"thanks" you smiled and clasped your hands together. "so i heard alejandro is cooking today. do you all know how to cook or is it like a rarity here?"

"nah, he just wants to leave a good impression" gaz laughed and alejandro shot him a death glare.

"watch your mouth pendejo, it's my turn to cook anyway" he looked back at you. "soap can tell you about ghosts great cooking"

"mate!" soap almost immediately shot up. "he's trying to kill me, i swear! he puts way more spice in my portion, and i will die on that hill!" the more soap said, the stronger his accent peeked through. you could swear you could hear ghost chuckle and smiled a little. the group dynamic was really.. something.

"thats a lie, johnny" ghost said and you could practically see the smile from under the mask.

"but to come back to your question" gaz started and put a leg under himself. "we can cook more or less decently. except alejandro, he's a fucking chef or something"

"and what about you?" soap asked and popped some more crisps in his mouth.

"not to kiss my own ass yeah" you put your hands up slightly. "but i'd say im a pretty good cook."

"we're gonna need proof on that" alejandro said and crossed his arms.

"yeah yeah someday maybe" you brushed it off and gaz pointed to your camera.

"fucking love polaroids" he said and you shot a photo of him, making a peace sign and smiling brightly.

"i always take some photos of my squad, remembering the times we've had" you explained and put the developing photo on the coffee table. "if its okay with you i'd like to take a picture with you all"

soap and gaz quickly went to alejandros and ghosts side, sitting down and posing. ghost had his arm behind alejandro, one hand on his knee and the other showing a peace sign behind alejandros shoulder. soap and gaz made the 🤙🏼 sign and alejandro just had his thumb up. you shot the photo and gaz quickly stood up.

"your turn" he said and alejandro scootched over to make some room between him and ghost. you sat down, soap at your feet, doing the 'draw me like one of your french girls' pose and you made a heart with your index and middle finger from both hands. you noticed ghosts hand still staying on its place behind you and you smiled for the picture.

"guys" price came into the room, crashing the picture, as all of you turned around and gaz took the photo just in that moment. "oh, didn't notice you were taking pictures"

"rain has a polaroid camera, i've always wanted to use one" gaz said and sat down on the couch.

"whats wrong captain?" soap asked and you tapped his shoulder quickly.

"10 bucks i can make him say updog" you whispered and soap cocked an eyebrow.

"deal" he shook your hand and price just didn't question it. you young people had always something on your mind.

"nothing, i just wanted to check how rain is setting in" he crossed his arms. "and also someone shook the soda cans again, shit exploded right into my face"

"ohhh so thats why it smells like updog in here!" you said like it was the most casual thing.

"whats updog?" price asked and you earned a gaped mouth from soap.

"nothing much, and you?" you smiled and price shook his head.

"very funny" he commented and started leaving the room. "i bet you shook the cans."

"i would never ever do something so cruel, i like my sodas with carbonation, thank you" you said defensively and were kinda offended that he'd think of you that way. "you owe me" you stood up and winked at soap.

"miss girl that wasn't a fair game!" he complained and you sat down next to gaz. you shrugged and flipped the developed photos. they turned out cute, not gonna lie. especially the last one, where price came into the room and all of you looked to the side to him.

"all right" alejandro slapped his thighs once. "im gonna go start cooking, it'll be done in maybe an hour?" he stood up and left the common room.

in that hour you talked with gaz, being the two youngest in the group you understood each other on a different level. and he was kinda the only one who understood your gen z language. imagine going up to ghost and calling him zesty. nah, mans would be confused as fuck.

you two were the only ones left in the common room, everyone else left to go train, rest or do something else.

"so wait you're telling me" gaz took a sip from his coke and rested his back against the couch opposite of you. "your neighbour broke into your apartement just to steal some tea on a sunday ?"

"dont ask me, maybe he had a really bad craving for it" you shrugged and laughed.

"you need to start locking your door with two locks or something" he suggested and you waved it off.

"i already moved out there, the entire building was kinda weird. every hallway felt like it led to the backrooms"

"guys the food is ready!" soap announced through the open door and poked his head into the room.

"good, im starving" you said and stretched.

on your way to the cafeteria soap and gaz were chatting, exchanging some gossip about other military soldiers.

you sat down next to ghost and alejandro put a plate in the middle of the table, he only cooked for the task force, thats why you were the only ones here right now. he made spaghetti and some sauce, obviously no three course meal, and the sauce seemed to be self made. the others put noodles on their plates, you did the same and light chatter filled the room.

"its good" you said to alejandro and he nodded in appreciation once.

"you down for sparring later?" ghost asked and looked into his plate.

"sure, but i will not be your wreckdoll again and demonstrate take down techniques!"

"we'll see" the corners of his mouth twitched up lightly and you huffed.

"i noticed your knife techniques needing some training." ghost said and took two practice knifes.

"i mean i'm a sniper, i never really needed knife skills." you shrugged and looked at the metal knife with a dull edge. they looked like they would hurt, not gonna lie.

"you love running into field apperently, if you're going to keep doing that, you need to be trained in basic hand to hand combat." he flipped the knife in his hand and got into position. the on-base gym was rather empty, some soldiers training here and there, but mostly you were alone.

"you'd probably be dead or shot without me, i handled my self pretty good back there, if i do say so myself." you took the knife in your dominant hand and took the same position in as him.

"is that so?" he asked and launched forward, pressing the knife against your throat.

"that wasn't very i'm-gonna-teach-you-how-to-defend-yourself of you!" you said and took a step back. "okay i get it, we need to work on my reaction time, who would've thought you're gonna launch at me like that!" you groaned at pushed the knife out of your face.

"look, you're gpnna attack the chest, shoulders, face, anywhere here" ghost motioned to the upper part of his body. "catch them off guard. we're gonna start slow. block my attacks like you usually would."

you took a breath and started blocking his attacks, by pushing his wrists away and ducking away from the knife.

"faster" he said and increased the speed, taking his second arm and immitating punches. "you're doing good, faster"

slowly you were getting problems with countering his attacks, you weren't really trained for stuff like that. your hands were steady, your movements always fluent and slow, no sudden reactions. the knife fight was completely different than what you were used to.

"no!" you gasped when his knife hit your chest and slit over it.

"two minutes, that's not enough" ghost sighed. "attack me."

you nodded and brushed the hair out of your face, raising your arms, mimicking the motions you'd usually use in combat, still those they teached in boot-camp.

"you gotta surprise me, hit me with something i wouldn't expect!"

you thought about it for a moment, what would really catch him off guard? you remembered your first training with him, using your smaller frame as an advantage and surprise attacking him. but that wouldn't work, he knew your tactic. but wait, maybe there was one thing you didn't try before.

you let out a small breath and took a step into his direction, faking an attack from the left side, throwing the knife into your less dominant hand and faking another attack with that hand. ghost was confused, not knowing where to block your attacks.

you tried to execute your plan in your head, if all went according to it, you could get ghost onto the ground. you took a few fast steps to him and jumped up, your right knee angled on his chest, the other wraping around his neck. you put the angled knee around his neck too and with the force of your spin you could throw him onto the ground and pin him to the ground.

you breathed heavily and put pressure with your knee onto his chest, putting the knife against his throat. ghosts eyes widened for a split second and he tapped your thigh.

"that's what i'm talking about." his mask shifted a little, as if he was smiling underneath it.

you noticed his glance fall onto your upper body and thighs for a second, before looking into your eyes again.

"you did good, i'm impressed."

[xxlynxxx]

Could’ve been Levi Ackerman x Black reader part 2.

A/N: For the sake of this story lets pretend Levi is 5′10 lol. Also smuttttt warning ;)

Levi

“Did you hear me son?” My moms voice brought me out of my thoughts that seemed to be reiterating itself. “Yeah, you’re gonna come stay in a couple weeks. got it.” I said setting the phone up so she could see me as I stirred the pasta on the stove. 

“Son,  I worry about you sometimes and you know if my sickness takes a turn i just don’t wa-”

“Mom, stop talking like that. It wont come back and i’m fine. Now tell me about your vacation.” that seemed to ease her because she started rambling on about what she did on the vacation i just sent her and my aunts on. 

My mother had lupus and some days were worse than others. The medication and lifestyle the doctor had her on seemed to be working so far, she just worried too much about getting real ill again or leaving me and my little sister Isabel behind. “Anyways, enough about that. Hows the family? You know i miss my grandson. I havent seen him in awhile, i just cant wait to see you guys. Make sure your sister is actually coming this time. You know how that girl can be with all her partying and drinking ugh she worries me that she will never settle down.” I rolled my eyes as she began to ramble on again. Erwin walked into the kitchen and mouthed ‘your mom?’ before i nodded and he backed out of the kitchen. ‘Thank God.’ My mom had a weird crush on Erwin and if she saw him i would be on the phone all night. 

“Hey mom, i gotta go. Im gonna burn the food if i dont pay attention. I will make sure Isabel is there. Alright?”

“Okay, call me tomorrow Levi. I mean it! I love you my handsome boy, i cant wait to see you!” i quickly said my goodbyes before hanging up. 

“Dinner almost ready my handsome boy?” Erwin joked returning to the kitchen, setting plates on our dining room table. 

“Fuck off.” I rolled my eyes and took the pot off the stove taking it to the dinner table.

“So, you don’t seem so sick to me, why did you leave early today?” Erwin asked cutting off a piece of garlic bread. I shrugged. “Petra is trying to get me to move back in. Then my mom text saying she's gonna come visit so of of course she cant know that i live with you and not at home.” 

Erwin nods. “So you're stressed because now you have to act like the perfect family while your mom stays?” “yeah” I sigh starting to lose my appetite just by talking about what awaits me back home. 

“You are your moms pride and joy, i don't get why you just don't say ‘hey mom, Petra and i are separated and on our way to a divorce and by the your grandson? Yeah he’s not really mine.’ See? that’s so easy.” I roll my eyes again at Erwin. Which feels like a pretty reoccurring action. 

“Maybe its easy for you since you tell your mommy everything.” Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. “I just don't wanna stress her out, she's been through a lot this year. Plus, she's already stressed over Isabel. Just don't wanna add to it. Let alone think about Petra”

“I understand. There is something I wanted to ask you.” He says and i cock my eyebrow at him. “Now, don’t jump down my throat. I couldn't help but to notice you taking her out to lunch often. Which isn't typically Levi behavior to be so... dare i say doting?” I almost choked on my water. ‘Fuck... am i being obvious?’

“And, if you're thinking ‘damn, am i obvious?’ yes..yes you are. At least to me.” 

“Erwin i-” 

“BUT” He cuts me off wagging his finger at me with his dramatic self. “I noticed today you ignored the poor woman this morning, and then later at lunch when i let her know you wouldn't be back today she looked for a split moment like i had just shot and mutilated her dog right in front of her.”

“Okay that's a little much.” I say picking up my plate to take it to the kitchen. Erwin following behind me “So I ask my dear handsome boy. What's going on?”

I lean against the counter glaring at him, hopefully to make him uncomfortable enough that he will  fuck off. It doesn't work he just stares back smiling annoyingly wide. “and don't lie because, for a lawyer you're not good at lying when it comes to yourself.” 

“Nothings going on, I find her attractive but she works for me. So I'll just look and not touch.” Erwin slowly nods.

“Yeah so how long do you think you can keep that up for? Im all for you finding happiness especially after your divorce is final from the wicked witch of the east, but then again you do have a point. “ 

“Yeah, i think ill just die an old lonely man.” I say turning my back to him putting the leftovers in the fridge. 

“Wrong, because tonight we are gonna go out and drink like we are 21 again and maybe even meet some ladies.” He says doing a little dance. 

“I'm so good on that actually. Besides i have go to the office in the morning and finish up on the paperwork i didnt do today.” 

“Thats so funny that you think you have a choice.” He laughs obnoxiously all the way to his room. I sigh going to mine to get ready.

2 shots in and I'm kind of enjoying my time out. Erwin invites two woman to our table after buying them drinks. One of them keeps rubbing her leg up and down mine under the table. It makes me think of the other day when Ivy did it. If this was her sitting next to me doing it, i would be much more receptive. I excuse myself from the table once i feel her hand land on my thigh. “I'm gonna get a beer.” I state out loud mainly to Erwin. “I can come wi-” The one whos been touching me for the last 20 minutes responds but I'm already walking away from the table. Luckily she stays put. 

Deciding to drink my beer at the bar i pull out my phone and open up Instagram. Hange convinced me to create one a couple months ago but I didn't post any pictures. To keep from looking like a “spam account” as Hange put it, I just put a profile picture and my name. I had no use for this app until after meeting Ivy. I found her through Connie's followers. I mentally thanked Connie for making me follow him.

Fortunately her page isn't private, i felt like a creep for how many times i searched her account just to stalk her page and check if she posted any new pictures. I noticed that her profile picture had a pinkish/orange ring around it. ‘Thats interesting’ I clicked to see what would happen and saw she was out. She posted a video of a blonde girl taking a shot, the next video was of them clinking glasses, after was the last post she put. It was a selfie of her in a bar, the lights in the background looked familiar, I turned around and noticed the lights near the bathroom looked just like the ones in her picture. ‘Is she here?’ I looked back n forth between her photo and the lights behind me. 

“You good man?” Erwin came up behind me grabbing my shoulder. 

“Yeah, i just started talking to the bartender and lost track.” I Lied which he caught on to.

“They’re leaving, and they invited us back to their place. I have no problem telling them no if you're not into it.” 

“I’m definitely not into it. But you should go, have fun i dont mind.” 

“No, i was hoping you would say no, im not feeling it either. I'm just gonna walk them out to their uber and ill be back.” Erwin, always the gentleman. I made my way back to our table. Keeping a look out for Ivy. I was certain she had to still be here. The photo was posted 10 minutes ago. 

Just as i suspected she walked from the bathroom area with a blonde holding her hand leading her to a table on the other side of the room. She sat with her back away from me. She couldn't see me but i had my eyes on her. I noticed the other men watching her as she walked to her table. You had to be blind not to think this woman was beautiful. Her beautiful sandy brown skin always seemed to be glowing. She had the biggest brown eyes. Every emotion she had shown in them, her hair was a beautiful shade of auburn. Tonight her beautiful tight coils were out and free. She never wore her hair down at work. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my finger around a curl. Or maybe get a handful of it as she-

“What are you looking at?” Erwin pulled me out of my thoughts before they turned lewd. “Did you wanna go to a different bar?”

“No, lets stay.” I said a little to eager

“Okay, someone caught your eye?” Erwin sat next to me looking in the direction i had been. 

“Don't be obvious, but that's Ivy.” I said turning my back to the table she sat at. Erwin smiled and waved in that direction, catching the eye of Ivy’s friend. 

“What? that's great! I’m gonna invite them over. Go to the bar and order whatever they’re drinking.” He said getting up

“Erwin wait!″ I tried to grab for him but he was already halfway across the room.

Ivy

“Quick! How do my tits look?” I gave Hitch a thumbs and tried to keep from looking behind her at Levi. I noticed he tried to grab Erwin's arm when he was coming over here. ‘damn, he really must be trying to avoid me.’

"Hello Ivy. I thought that was you, small world.” Erwin smiled down at me.

“Hello, Mr. Smith. its nice to see you again.” I don't know why i tried to sound so formal. I immediately sobered up. 

“Ah come on Ivy, we’re out of the office. Please call me Erwin.” I nodded “And whos your lovely friend?” He asked taking Hitch’s hand kissing the back of it, which she ate right up. If there wasn't so many people in this room she would've pounced right on him by the look she was giving. 

“Hitch, but you can call me baby.” She winked at him. I rolled my eyes but, Erwin seemed find it amusing. He gave a big laugh and kissed the back of her hand again. 

“Well would you ladies like to accompany Levi and I tonight? we’ve got a section over there, its too much room for just us.” 

“Yes! “ Hitch answered before i could. She was already up and following Erwin forgetting her purse. I grabbed our things and slowly made my way over. Levi was at the bar and made his way back to the table at the same time i did. Setting down a drink for Hitch and I. She happily thanked him while I avoided eye contact and gave a quiet ‘thanks’.

“Of course.” He said taking his seat across from Hitch and Erwin leaving a spot in the booth for me right next to him. 

 Hitch giggled across from me as Erwin whispered something in her ear. I could feel Levi burning a whole in the side of my face so i pulled my phone out scrolling through Instagram. Luckily for my privacy screen he couldn't see what i was looking at if he decided to lean closer to peep. I liked a couple photos before going to my insta story to look at who viewed it. ‘Levi.Ackerman87′ viewed my story. My stomach felt like it had a whole cage of butterflies in it. Checking my following i didnt see his name on there. I glanced over at him, he was making small talk with Hitch and Erwin. Putting my phone back into my purse, I stood up. “I’m gonna use the bathroom, ill be back.” 

“Oh do you want me to go with you?” Hitch asked.

“No, I'm okay. Ill be quick.” I said before heading to the back towards the restroom. This bathroom was one of those fancy clean types that had a person inside waiting with mints and rolled up towels, luckily the person who was supposed to be in here left out as i entered. I drenched a towel in the cold water and placed it on the back off my neck to cool myself off. I took my phone out again just to double check what i saw. ‘Yup, Levi.Ackerman87′ Clicking on his profile he had no pictures, just as i expected. But his profile picture was definitely him. I held my phone close to my face to get a better view. He wasn't smiling, but a long haired seal point cat laid across his shoulder ,with its tail covering a side of his face. ‘ugh, why is he so cute with zero effort.’ If someone were to walk in i would look pretty dumb. My phone so close to my face while i smiled and giggled like an idiot to myself. I washed my hands and walked out the bathroom heading back to the table. I slowed my pace when i noticed that Levi was at the table by himself.

“Uhm, they went to get more drinks.” He said as i took my seat looking over at the bar. Hitch had her arms leaned on the countertop as Erwin stood smiling down at her. His hand placed on her hip as she giggled at something he said ‘mans cant be that funny.’ i thought. “How are you?” Levi asked bringing my attention from the view at the bar to the beautiful raven haired man sitting inches away from me. 

“I’m quite fine. How are you? I heard you were sick. Remind me to get your doctors info, he must work miracles.” I was proud of myself until i saw the slight frown on his face that he immediately replaced with his normal stoic look. 

“Yeah, i think it was just a bad migraine...needed a break.” i nodded.

“You’re right, i’m sorry. I dont think i’ve ever heard of you missing a day of work.” Embarrassed with my unusual behavior i turned my gaze to watch the other occupants around us. Levi was silent next to me, but i could feel him looking at me and then down at his hands and then back to my face.  

“I cant stop thinking about you.” He said in a faster pace than he usually talked. My heart quickened.

“What?” I said now giving him my full attention.

“I know its not ethical of me, but i cant get you out of my mind. I'm actually dreading Hange coming back because I'm not ready to let you go.” He opened his mouth like he had more to say but Hitch and Erwin's laughter killed whatever tension was in the air as they took their seats. 

 The rest of the night Levi seemed to have relaxed after his confession. That made one of us because now i was more nervous than before. I couldn't believe he would so confidently say something like that. I was used to men beating around the bush with me. Levi kept scooting closer to me throughout the night until his hand was the only thing from keeping our thighs touching. Hitch and I started our own conversation as Levi and Erwin started talking about work related things. Levi finished off his glass of whiskey as his pinky rubbed against my thigh which at first i thought was an accident until it started moving gently up and down. I tried to keep my face from showing any emotion as i listened to Hitch’s story about her class of 10th graders. I guess he took that as me enjoying it, which he wasn't wrong. His hand found its way to my thigh and he gave it a light squeeze. My face didn't react but my body sure was. My thighs squeezed together as the heat between my legs grew more intense. To make matters worse he pushed my legs apart with one hand and rubbed circles on my inner thigh. Now, I'm not tiny girl. I have curves, this mans whole hand was squeezing my full thigh like it was nothing. 

 A couple drinks later and we were heading out the doors. “Ivy, I'm gonna go home with Erwin, I would say take Levi to our place but,he doesn't seem like your type.” She giggled. Hitch wasn't wrong. Normally i would never go for guys like Levi. My typed seemed to be broken man-child’s who could never fully commit. Levi was the first older and very mature guy I'd ever had feelings for. 

“I can drive you home.” Levi said as Hitch waved from inside the uber with Erwin.

“ Are you ok to drive?” I asked following him to his car. He threw a glance at me over his shoulder as if to say ‘really bitch?’ 

“I had 4 drinks Ivy. I could probably do a backflip right now.” He said opening the passenger door for me. “Besides, i wouldn't put you in any harm.” He said looking at me as he slid into his seat. It’s not like i was drunk out of my mind. I mean i paced myself like i always do and had water in between my drinks. I just still couldnt believe that the Levi everyone tried to stay clear of and stay on his good side was talking to me like this. Besides earlier today, he had never made me feel like i was a bother. 

 Levi reached over taking me out of my thoughts ‘oh my god he’s gonna kiss me.’ I prepared myself for our first kiss, but he leaned past me and grabbed my seatbelt clicking it. “Safety first.” He smirked at me before clicking his own seatbelt and starting the car. 

Per usual Levi gave me the aux. I typed my address into his maps and, put on Lullaby by Umi and looked out the window. New York was beautiful at night. Especially this time of year when everything was decorated for Christmas. “ I meant what i said earlier.” Levi said making you look at him. God, he was fine. I studied his face, he was still looking at the road and glanced at me real quick. Tightening his grip on the wheel. “I feel like im going crazy.” He chuckled. “I’m actually losing sleep over it, you should feel bad for me.” He smiled and i laughed. 

Levi parked outside my building. I felt stupid for not telling him that i felt the same. I was losing sleep over him too. “Do you want some tea before you go home? If we’re lucky you might kill enough time to miss Erwin and Hitch.” I laughed trying to cut through the thick air in the car that appeared after his second confession. 

“Yeah i’d like that.” He said turning off the car and hopping out to come open my door before i did. He followed me up to my apartment on the second floor. “ I hope you're not allergic to dogs.” I turned to him, my back pressed against my door. 

“Allergic? no. Wary? Most definitely.” I nodded and held a finger up at him. 

“Wait here and when you hear me, come in.” He nodded as I slipped inside the door. My doberman Arlo already waiting at the door to either greet or snap at who came in. “Okay, you can come in.” I said grabbing my pup’s collar. Levi looked right and left before coming in and his eyes widened as he looked at Arlo by my side. “Come, let him smell you so he knows you’re not a threat.”

“I’m not sure i wanna do that.” Levi awkwardly laughed. 

I rolled my eyes smiling at him “ Now don’t tell me you’re scared of my little baby.”

“Tch, i wouldn’t consider him little.” Levi scoffed. “If he’s harmless than why are you holding him back?”

“Because he can smell your fear and that’s what gets him going.” I laughed at my little joke but Levi didn’t find it funny as he glared at me which only made me laugh harder. “No, i just wanted you to feel safe. See I'm in control, He listens to me.” I said letting go of Arlo’s collar telling him to stay and he did just as i said. I reached my hand out to Levi and he cautiously grabbed it. I pulled him over to us and stood us in front of Arlo. Holding Levi’s wrist in my hands as he slightly stood behind me i let Arlo sniff him. He sniffed his hand a couple times and then started to lick it. “ See! he accepts you.” I smiled at Levi, leaning down and rubbing Arlo behind his ears “such a good boy!” I praised. Levi held his hand a little away from him because it was covered in slobber. 

“Come here, you can wash your hands in the kitchen while I start the tea.” I said leading him to the kitchen sink. 

“Your apartment is very clean.” Levi said watching me take off my shoes and slip on my slippers. He took his shoes off as well and i placed them on the shoe rack near the front door. That’s something i noticed Levi and i had in common. I kept my house tidy, or at least tried to. Hitch was kind of unorganized but we managed.  

“Thank you i try. My mom would give me an ear full if my place was dirty. Growing up she instilled cleanliness in us so now i cant help but to continue the tradition.” I said placing a coaster down and putting his tea in front of him. Sitting down across from him with my own mug of peach and ginger sweetness. 

“My mom is the same way, she used to clean houses when I was a kid and would sometimes take me on big jobs with her. Its like a hobby now.” He smiled like he enjoyed a memory in his mind.

 “I didn’t know your mom used to clean homes?” Not judging but i and many people at the company assumed Levi grew up a rich kid the same way Erwin did. “I don't talk about it. I’m pretty sure none of my colleagues grew up they way i did.” He trusted me enough to let me in on that detail about his life. My heart swelled.

“Talk to me about you.” He said leaning back in his seat.

“Ugh, i hate that question. I never know what to say.” I groaned dramatically, rubbing my scalp.

“Fine lets do a game. I ask a question and then you can ask me one in return. Nothing is off limits.” I could get down with that. 

“Well ask me something specific.” He rubbed his chin thinking. 

“What’s your middle name?” Okay he’s starting off tame. 

“Rose. What’s yours?” Great question Ivy. Even though i really wanted to ask what color his di-

“Tal. How old are you?” What a beautiful name.

“That's beautiful, does it mean something? and I'm 26.” He nodded taking another sip of tea.

“ It’s Hebrew for rain dew. That’s a relief because you look like you could be 20.” He said smirking.

“I always get told that, i guess i should consider it a compliment. Do you speak Hebrew?” Now I'm gonna imagine him giving me commands in two different languages. ‘God, why is my mind always in the gutter when he’s around?’

“Its a compliment. You’ll appreciate it more when you get older, and I speak enough. I’m surprised you didn't ask me how old i am.”

“That’s because I already know your age Levi dot Ackerman 87.” I smirk at him trying to look unfazed.

“Are you stalking me?” He asked finishing off his tea and placing it into my dishwasher. ‘That shouldn’t be hot but it is.’

“Quite the contrary Levi. I think you have been stalking me.”

“How’d you find out?” Shame. I thought he was gonna deny some more.

“Come here.” I waved him over, he stands behind my seat as i open up my phone and show him how you can view whos seen your snap story. He leans down his face near mine as he looks over my shoulder as i point out his name. He scoffs and i laugh. "Now, 35 ain’t old but that was definitely an old person mistake.” I begin to laugh harder as he glares down at me a small smirk on his lips. 

 Levi joins in my laughter. After awhile we calm down staring at each other in silence. Levi pushes a curl behind my ear. “So beautiful.” He mumbles. “You make it impossible to not want you.” He says caressing my jaw. I don't even care about the consequences now, I've never wanted anyone as bad as i want him. 

Levi grabs my chin making me look up at him. His thumb going over my bottom lip. I’m drunk on him and he’s barely touched me. The way he’s looking down at me like I'm the most fragile, beautiful thing he’s ever laid his eyes on has me feeling hot in more ways than one. I open my mouth a little as Levi pushes his thumb inside. I don’t know what’s coming over me, what spell his ashen eyes have on me. I graze my bottom teeth over his digit, giving a kitten lick before closing my mouth around it. 

“Suck.” Is the only command Levi gives me and I do as I'm told, keeping eye contact. A scarlet tint covers Levi’s cheeks as his mouth opens slightly, and if i thought he couldn’t get any hotter he lets out a low groan as i grab onto his wrist to take his thumb further into my mouth. 

“I don’t care what happens.” He says removing his thumb and standing me up. Everything feels like it happens in one fluid motion as Levi pushes me up against the kitchen wall. One hand around my neck and the other that has a tight grip on my hip. The way Levi is kissing me, i can’t explain it. Like he’s making love to my mouth. His kisses are slow and sensual, running his tongue in my mouth like he’s trying to savor the last drop. The hand on my waist has now traveled to grip my thighs like earlier, but he doesn’t stay there. Levi pushes my legs apart with his knee and glides his hand up my thighs until he’s playing with my panty line. He releases my mouth for a second to help me out of my underwear. I’ve never been more proud of myself for wearing a thong. Levi stares me deep in my eyes as he puts my thong in his pocket instead of discarding it on the floor. I never knew it was possible to be as wet as I am. 

 Instead of holding me neck his hand is hovering near my hair “May i?” He asks and not able to find words i just nod with my mouth slightly ajar. Levi grabs the hair on the back of my head gently gripping it and pulling my head back to gain full access to my neck. He’s careful to not leave hickeys on the places it would be hard to cover. He kisses up my neck back to claim my mouth again. I could kiss him for hours. “Turn around.” He says before giving my one last kiss on my lips. I do as he says and he unzips the back of my dress. But he doesn’t take it all the way off, just my back and the top of my ass is exposed. I don’t feel him touching me anymore so i glance over my shoulder. Levi is just taking in my appearance. “It should be criminal being able to touch you the way i am.” he says running a finger up my spine giving me chills. He steps closer to whisper in my ear. “And it should be very criminal the way I'm about to ruin you. I don’t want to leave room for any thoughts of another man again in that pretty head of yours.” He kisses my cheek as he peels my dress off. Grabbing my hand to help me step out of it. I began to turn around. “No, turn back around for me.” I nod turning back around. My breast pushed against the wall. Levi moved my hair off my shoulders to kiss my neck, down to my shoulders, making his way to leave open kisses against my spine. He’s on his knees behind me as he’s kissing the dimples above my ass. One hand keeping me steady against the wall while the other spreads my thighs. Levi kisses my ass. I moan, I never thought gentle kisses on my ass would turn me on and get me this wet. At this point I'm dripping and he hasn’t even touched my sacred part yet. Levi chuckles and then does it again to each one giving it a little nibble. "I just wanna worship this ass.” He uses the hand that spread my thighs to slap my ass, running his tongue on the reddened skin after. Another moan escapes my lips “Levi, please.” I pant. 

 He kisses his way back up to my mouth. His large hands gripping and groping all over me except where i need him the most. I hook my leg over his hip to bring him closer. The hand not kneading my breast slides down my abdomen and right between my legs where I've been craving him. I let out a gasp as he gathers my slick before inserting one, then two fingers in. “Because you asked so nicely” He smirks against my mouth. His fingers are sinful, using his thumb to circle my clit while his index and middle finger curl and stretch me out. Bringing me close to the sweet release that’s been building up. Levi pulls away his fingers and his mouth from me, earning himself a frown and a confused look. The lust filled look in his eyes is one of hunger, like he wants to do nothing but devour me. Bringing up the fingers he just had inside me he sucks off the juices i left on him. “Mmm, just as sweet as i imagined. I don’t think i can continue without tasting more.” I’m in awe, his eyes, the moan he let out tasting me on his fingers, the language. I do nothing but nod leading him to my bedroom with his hands on my hips and his lips never leaving my neck. This man is the grand multi tasker. How he can do this in a dimly lit hall and not skip a beat is beyond me. There is nothing he can’t do. 

“Lay on the bed for me. Keep your legs open.” I crawl on the bed laying my head against my pillow, Levi waits for me to pull my legs up and spread them. He smiles as I do so. “Good girl.” He says walking to my bedside table using my little remote to turn the fairy lights in my room a beautiful shade of purple. “Much better, I like to see while I eat.” He smirks unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off. ‘Damn’  I mean i know he had some muscle from how broad his shoulders look in his button ups but this man was art. Art I wanted to drag my tongue across. Levi stood at the foot of the bed, grabbing my legs to pull my down to the end of the bed. He kneeled eye level to my pussy. I’ve only had a couple guys go down on me before. A couple hookups in college and rarely my ex would. They all sucked, so i grew to not care for it, thinking maybe it was just me from hearing the stories my friends talked about mind blowing orgasms they got from it. I also never did much with lights on. Always feeling insecure in my body since a young age. Levi was opening the door for a lot of my firsts. 

I suddenly felt self conscious about being so exposed. Physically and mentally. “Don’t hide from me.” He said opening my legs again rubbing up and down my thigh. My hands covered my face. “Ivy, i wont do this if it makes you uncomfortable.” Levi peeked at me from around my legs grabbing my arm to take my hands off my face. 

“No!” I said a little too eager. “I just, I don't do oral.. often. I’ve never finished and i don’t want you to think its something you did. I think I'm just broken.” I awkwardly chuckled. The look on Levi’s face was pure disbelief, quickly replaced with determination and lust. 

“Sit up, i want you to watch me. I’m so eager to taste you again, it should be something we both enjoy. “ He said kissing my inner thighs as I leaned up on my elbows nodding at him to show I'm ready. He kissed all the way up my thigh. First placing a gentle kiss on my clit. I had to keep from moaning. He brought both my legs over his shoulder placing another kiss on my clit flicking his tongue on the sensitive bud. Switching his flicks out for swirls had me opening my legs for him more. ‘Yeah I definitely hadn't had it like this.’ I bucked my hips forward throwing my head back to let out breathy moans. Levi slid two fingers in me gently nipping my clit then swirling his tongue around it before sucking. “Ungh Levi i-.” He smirked up at me repeating the same combo over again. I felt euphoric. If there was a drug of this feeling i would be a fiend. 

 I gripped the hair on the back of his head as Levi removed his fingers and ate me out the same way he was kissing me in the kitchen, hot and sloppy. I couldn’t help but to buck against his face trying to catch that release. “Such a good girl, fuck my face just like that.” As if he said magic words the air in my lungs were knocked out and all i could do was moan his name like a dirty chant. “That’s it Ivy.” He said leaning over me placing his two fingers back in as he brought me over the edge. 

I lay on the bed panting like a ran a marathon. Levi crawled over me smirking kissing up my abdomen, over tp my breast giving each nipple a bite. He kissed me rolling his tongue over mine. “You see how good you taste? I could eat you all day.” I sat up on my knees to unbuckle his pants. Levi stood off the bed to pull his pants down, now standing in his black briefs that did nothing to hide the tint. Tint was actually an understatement, The head of his dick was poking out from his waistband. It glistened under the purple light. I sat up on my knees to kiss him again placing my hand on his bulge. ‘There's no way this is gonna fit.’  I thought to myself. “Ivy, i uh i dont have condom. I didnt expect for this to happen. We dont have to do this tonight." 

“I’m on the pill!” I said a little to eager. Even after that leg shaking orgasm i just had i still wanted him, needed him. “And i trust you.” I said pulling him closer by hooking my finger into his briefs. 

“I trust you too.” The look in his eyes was soft, like his words meant more. Kissing him again I pulled his briefs down and laid back onto my bed as he stepped out of them. My eyes went right to his member. I always imagined Levi would be packing. He had an aura about him. He had to at least be 7 1/2 or 8 inches I'm not sure. The girth is what got me, nice and thick with a slight curve. I wanted him in my mouth. I leaned forward to return the favor.

“You don’t have to do that. “ He placed his hand on my shoulder. “Plus I'm dying to be inside of you.” He said settling on top of me capturing my lips again. Levi grabbed his dick rubbing it between my folds gathering my slick on his tip. Gently pushing inside. I gripped his shoulders. Digging my nails into his skin. Its been almost a year since I last had sex but, regardless i don't think that would make taking him any easier. Levi buried his face in the crook of my neck as he pushed all the way in “fuck, you're so tight baby.” Levi moaned his voice muffled. Not wanting to wait to adjust i pushed my hips against him to let him know to move. 

Levi was slow and sensual, taking his time dragging out of me and pushing in painfully slow. “Leviii ungh.” I moaned throwing my head back against the pillows. 

“Use your words.” He used one arm to keep himself above me while the other slowly tightened around my neck. Kissing me hard. “Use your words baby.” He murmured against my lips. Keeping his sinful deep and slow pace. 

“Faster, please fuck me faster. Ruin me Levi.” That’s all he needed. The grip around my neck tightened making me clench tighter around his dick. Levi pulled one of my legs over his shoulder and began his assault on my pussy. At this point my only vocabulary was ‘right there’ or ‘harder’. Levi was fucking me dumb that soon i couldn't say anything but incoherent words mixed with his name. 

“You cant even speak can you baby?” Levi said against my ear not letting up on his pace. He reached his hand between you two to rub on your clit. It was too much, but you loved it.

“Levi i mm please.” He smirked at me barely forming a sentence. Levi sat up on his knees holding my legs behind my knees. Slowing his pace down a little but the way he slammed into you was ungodly and as you felt your second release that night building up you didn’t want him to stop. 

“You’re, gonna take all of this dick. Like the good girl you are.” He said flipping me  over to all fours. This new position putting him so deep I let out a muffled scream as pressed my face in the pillows. “Answer me.” He says slapping my ass. The grip he has on my hips is sure to leave bruises. 

“Yes Levi.” I moaned out his name. Levi switched to long deep strokes while reaching his hand between us again to rub on my clit. This man was gonna kill me. Now i could see why some woman went crazy over dick. I don’t know how any other man could ever compare in bed now that i had Levi. I didn’t want other man again. Levi had me already thinking about a monogamous relationship[p. Had me imagining a white picket fence and what our kids would like. 

“ Look at yourself”. Levi pulled my chin up to look in my large mirror across the room. He had a nice view of himself fucking me. The look in his eyes as he looked down at his dick going in and out of me to him looking up smirking in the mirror. Levi’s mouth was slightly open and his brow furrowed as he let out pants and moans. Leaning over to whisper the most lewd things of what he wanted to do to my body. ‘I wanna hear how loud you scream when i put it in your ass. would you let me do that baby?’ to ‘I want you on all fours watching me in the mirror as I eat it from behind.’ 

“Levi i mmm i’m gonna cum.” I moan pushing my ass back to meet his thrusts. “Me too baby, i’m so close. Turn around i wanna look at you when you come on my cock.” Levi laid me on my back like i weighed nothing. God, this man is everything. He leaned down to kiss me picking his pace up again, i tightened around him. My second orgasm that night crashing hard. My back arching a bit off the bed as Levi is still fucking into me chasing his orgasm.

”Keep fucking me like that baby.” He says as i raise my hips to meet his while he rubs my clit again overstimulating me in the best way. At this point i don't know if I'm screaming or moaning. 

 Levi finishes collapsing on top of me, laying his head on my chest. Both of us laying there trying to catch our breath. He looks up at me. Both us laughing because the only sound in the room is us panting. He looks over at the the clock reading 3:51. “ I haven't been up this late in awhile. “ He chuckles laying next to you, propping himself up on his elbow to look at you. 

“What?” I smile. He must think i look a sweaty mess.

“Nothing, i just think you’re beautiful. I cant believe i had the balls to actually do it.” his smile fades for a second.

“What do you mean?” His raven hair is hanging in his face. His sweat causing some strands to turn wavy. I run my fingers through his hair.

“ I was supposed to be in California for a couple months not Hange. But i convinced them to take my spot and bring Moblit with them. Hange of course jumped at the idea of going to LA since they have some family there. They were worried about leaving you so i told them i would take you as my paralegal for the time being since i hadn't met you officially. I had only seen you in meetings with Hange. And Ivy i have to tell you it took me weeks to realize that i never put myself first. I wanted you and i had to have you. Plus it doesn’t hurt being your own boss so i can bend the rules.” He smiled smirking at me.

 I had no idea this whole time he had wanted me. He saw me from my first day and knew he had to have me. God, this is not something i would have ever thought to happen. But I'm glad it did, now a new feeling of abandonment and jealousy if someone else wanted him as bad as i do comes to mind. I didn’t think these feelings would happen so soon.

“What is it? Tell me what you’re thinking.” He said with his lips against the back of my hand. i shook my head looking away from him, getting ready to shower. But, he held my hand to keep me put. “If something is bothering you i want to know. You can talk to me about anything. I wanna be here for you.” Its lame to cry after sex right? My eyes welled up with tears. Men like him were not real. There has to be a catch.

“I’ve never done something like this. Anyone one night stand I've had was years ago and under the influence and i hardly knew 

who they were or saw them again. I haven't been in a relationship in years and i.. i don't know. This amount of care and reassurance is new for me. I’m sorry for crying I'm such a baby.” I said getting up to hide my face and start the shower. 

“Ivy, lets talk. I’m being honest. I want you and not just because we had the best sex i’ve ever had in my life. But because im drawn to you, and i feel like this could be something great and i get it. I’m not used to being this open but im not blind i saw how men were falling over you tonight and i just cant stand the thought of you not being mine.” He was now in the bathroom holding my face between both hands. Using his thumbs to wipe away the tears that found their way down. I nodded with more tears falling from my eyes. 

“Baby look, we don’t have to talk about this tonight. Lets get cleaned up alright?” We showered. Cleaning each others bodies and giving gentle kisses filled with so much emotion. I stepped out before him to grab clothes in hopes that he would stay the night with me.

“Uhm these are my brothers from when he visits. But they should fit you.” I finished putting lotion on my body as Levi dressed. “Also if you want that is. No pressure. You can stay the night with me. I know you mentioned having to go to the office tomorrow but i mean its late and i would hate for you to make that long dr-”

“Ill stay” He chuckled pulling the shirt over his head. 

‘Perfect because im exhausted after that workout.” I said laughing at how Levi winked at me. He got behind me in bed as i pulled the covers over us. 

“A workout indeed.” He tickled my sides and giving me a kiss on the neck. We talked a bit more before bed. Sharing childhood stories. I laid on Levi’s chest  drawing patterns on it with my finger as he told me a story about how much of a partier Erwin and Hange were in college. I closed my eyes the sound of his voice lulling me to sleep. Levi looked down as i opened my eyes. “ I swear i was listening.” He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “There will be more time in the future for these stories. Go to sleep, ill see you in the morning.” He pulled my chin up to kiss me deep, a couple pecks later i laid back down on his chest as Levi turned the lights off. The idea of doing this every night with him one day swelled my heart. I dont think i could ever let him go.

[brattysapphicstuff]

hello!! its car anon (i cannot BELIEVE i got assigned a fucking car emoji VFDAVFSVNF /j)

I went out with my friend yesterday again! hoo girl strap in, i feel like im about to record an audio message lmfao

We went for some patatas bravas and we shared two of them and whatever, and we went to the center of town and acted like dumbasses for two hours and she got new pop off nails (important information for later!) and they're really long and pretty and shes just gushing over them and they look very nice and she cant wait to get back home so she can take off the ones she had and put on the ones she bought (same model, them really long ones that are sharp), and on the train ride back she asked if she could put her head on my shoulder (i dont like being touched usually) and slept through the whole ride and i had to wake her up for our stop and haul her ass out before the doors closed

Anyways, when we left the train we got into my car, and I drove her to her house and she asked if I wanted to see her room, since I was supposed to help her move in but I had to go see my family that weekend. I said yes, and we went up (its just a small little flat nothign special) and we talked and the only place to sit was either the floor or her bed. I didn't want to like impose or anything so i sat on the floor and she sat on her bed and i was like by her feet and in front of her if that makes sense? and she was leaning forward so i could hear her speak (she speaks very softly and i am partially deaf) and she was sort of hovering over me since i was on the floor.

I make fun of her for being short and for being clumsy and so quiet, and theres a bit that I do all the time where I lean dramatically closer to her to hear her when she's speaking loud and clear and saying something wrong. So I get on my knees so im like higher up and put my hands on her knees so she wouldn't back up on the bed and i lean real close to do the bit. but this motherfucker. spreads her legs and wraps them around me and holds me in place and like puts her cheek against mine to whisper what she had said in my bad ear and her hands are on my shoulders and she like presses the nails into my skin and holds me there and avdankvadj??? cdajvad!!! cdabjbcda.

i. could not breathe. and she very much noticed because i blush really easy and my face was on fucking fire and she like looks at me and she fucking smirks and holds my chin (her nail was digging into my lip and oh my jesus fucking christ) and she said that im so cute and i. dude? oh.

and she like laughs at me and kisses my forehead but i thought she was leaning in to kiss me so i leaned forward too and she just stares at me for a bit after. and i was burning UP dude. and she like pulls my face up? so like i kinda have to get up off the floor and crouch very awkwardly but she kisses me and anvdbvfdsjk and shes all wrapped up in me and im holding her legs around me because im an idiot who doesnt know what to do with her hands and then we stop kissing for a bit because shes pulling me up onto the bed (she is very strong) and we're just kinda laying there and kissing and im on top of her and between her legs and she puts her hands under my shirt (they were SO COLD') and just fucking tears up my back with those fucking nails (it hurts now but like. i am not complaining) and there is not a single thought in my head and she starts kissing all up my neck and i am just holding onto the sheets like an old woman clutching her pearls and she whispers something but i dont hear her and so she switches to the other side of her neck and she repeats it and this motherfucker told me that i feel so good on top of her and dude. oh my fucking god. dude. i. dude. dude. brother. sister. my guy. and shes just touching me all over my back and my sides and her nails hurt so good and i.

yeah anyways we stopped because my mom called me like twice and i had to pick up the phone and talk to her and my friend was sitting behind me and just touching my hair n stuff and then when i finished the call she asked if i wanted to sleep over.

(insert the eye emojis here)

unfortunately i couldn't because i had a meeting early today (it could have been an email tbh) but uhm. yeah. then i left and i had to take like a 20 minute breather in my car.

anyways. yeah. thats how that went. i hope you enjoy my suffering avdanvkdsfjv

-🚗

omg So sorry for the lack of creativity sdnjgñs

AHHHHH that sounds SO GREAT!! happy for you and living vicariously through your gay experiences.

also,,,,,,, the entire make out sesh sounds very very hot.................. and also cute??? please do update don't spare details! im rooting for you 2 so hard!!

[theuniverseawakens347]

Howard you want to talk with Raymond or help me heal ur relationship understanding w him Tim and Ronald.

No.

It’s go sit and be alone and cultivate you. You want to know EXACTLY HOW THE END ENDS FOR YOU.. no.

YOU WITH LEE KILLED ME IN MY ROOM AUG 2017 GAS CAMP STYLE … you have ur reasons LAPD OR WHATEVER SOURCE THAT CAME FROM.. that NEEDS A CONVERSATION ( Lee KNOWS SHES GOING TO JAIL .. THATS to see me library AND ACTUAL FUCKING JAIL.. which is why YOU CUNTS FAKE REATRAINING ORDER MY MEN N FATHER AGAINST YOU NOT COMING TO ME .. THEN BULLSHIT ME HOWARD W RESTRAINGING ORDER FROM LEE )

NONE OF MY MEN RESTRAINED ME FROM THEM ON PAPER. LMAO UR FALLING FOR LEES STUPID TRICKS AGAIN..

She’s ur wife YOU DONT AUTOMATICALLY TRUST HER SHE HAS HURT U TIME AND TIME AGAIN AGAIN SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU SHE JUST FEELS POWERFUL OWNING A MAN WHO CAN BE WHOLE BY THEMSELVES AND SHE KNOWS THAT. SHE PREYS ON UR WEAK SPOT AND TRAPS YOU FOR GOOD.

SHES A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT ME AND GOD. SHE JUST WANTS TO MALE RIGHT W ME IN FAKE TO SEE HER MOM. AND SCARED AMY IS GOING TO KILL HER BC SHE PROMISED AMY A SAFE HAVEN TO OUR FACES BUT BEHIND OUR BACKS BELITTLED AND HURT HER.

LEE KNOWS IN FULL WHAT I AM DARNIECE DUMBASS FUCKING TOLD HER.

AND SIGNED IT AS THE ROCK. 😒 OKAY THATS WHY THEY DIED AND SEPARATED TF YOU DO THAT DUMB ASS SHIT FOR!?

IM A CHILD NUMBED TO EVERYTHING AROUND ME AND WVEN WHEN I HAD MY MAGIC YOU MISSUSED ME - COWS BRAIN 1/2- REPEAT.

( the last time I saw Amy I WAS MORE OF A PARENT THAN BIG SISTER LEE .. u brought me there on purpose IN HINDSIGHT ANCESTORS AMY SAYS YOU ALREADY GOT THE TIME FRAME FOR HER TO DIE .. also why ya brought me to julan… “can she heal them for me I’m regretting my choices” NO YOU NUMBED ME GOOD TO GET BACK AT DARNIECE AND MY FATHERS N MEN you continue in weird way to ANYONE WHO LOOKS LIKE ME OR BLACK OR MORE X Y N Z THAN YOU … but we get to the hospital ( I said I hate those places I NOW LNOW WHY) and ya tell me Amy has fever of 102 .. she looks uncomfortable.. I stand near her for 2 second and turn to the night nurse “watching” SHE HAS A FEVER WHAT HAVE YOU DONE GET A RAG N COOL HER DOWN… they scurry THEY KNOW ME THEY FEAR ME .. they don’t know you YOU ARE PESANT .. I PUT THE FEAR OF GOD IN THE RIGHT ONES …

Then I tell you shift a pillow behind her neck and back give her support .. little things BED AIDE MANNER A DOCTOR NURSE SHUD FUCKING BE DOING!!! SOMEONE IN A PROTECTION ROLE! )

I know more about helping Amy than you and that’s ur sister UR CAUGHT ON JEALOUSY IN THAT MOMENT.. then question why I don’t help audrey TO UR SUFFICIENCY …

IM IN A NEW WORLD OF MY OWN AUDREY IS NOT MY FULL RESPONSIBILITY IN MORTAL FORM UNLESS SHE IS AROUND ME YOURE ASKING ME TO SAVE HER WHEN IM DROWNING .. BITCH WE BOTH DIE. SHE HAS FRIENDS N FAMILY AROUND HER AND SHES LIKE ME WHAT YOU CALL STUBBORN I CALL A FIGHTER !!

FUCK YOU AND SALISA 1/2 UR PARENTING ROLE JUsT TO FEEL MIGHTY BC YOU “own” something powerful. - THATS VERY SMALL OF YOU!!

I GIVE AUDREY WHAT I CAN COMPREHEND SHE NEEDS WHEN IM WITH HER I HAVE NOT BEEN AROUND HER WHEN ICE STEPPED INTO MY GODLY ROOT .. WE HAVE TALKED BUT YOU WANT ME TO GO THERR N SAVE HWR WHEN IM HOMELESS .. ur pushing to see scarlet witch - that’s weird of you.

I ALREADY KNOW SHES ONLY HANDICAPPED BC HER ENVIRONMENT AND THE BEST THAT I CAN DO RIGHT NOW IS GIVE HER LIGHT .. but you’ve gon behind the scenes to harass her w Salisa and leave Cheryl out the loop like Howard .. you tell ENOUGH TO SELL UR SIDE OF THE STORY IN FULL .. why YOU keep everyone separated BC YOU KNOW WHEN ALL LINKED UP THEM STORIES TOGETHER NOT GON MAKE SENSE .

YOU DEEM HER WEAK AND ME A FOOL .. you chose mortal god route TIME N TIME again so ur Satan can “win”

MY FAMILY SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR THIS BUG ASS MISSION AND AS I “lose mine” THEY PROTECT AND GUIDE URS YOU MISTREATED WHILE HERE TO HELP ME … over there GROWING INTO ALL OF ME .. in due time bc AGAIN THAT LONG LAST SHOT OF LAS ENCINAS TIMOTHY PELKO WAS A EXTRA SLOW RELEASE OF MORPHINE TO MY PINEAL AND HIPPOCAMPUS..

So we start - JESUS CHRIST YOU FUCKING CUNT.

And we keep going in circles UNTIL YOU UNDERATAND YOU DO NOT WIN EVEN IF YOU TAKE WHAT YOU DEEM IS IMPORTANT TO ME .. life for life bitch EQUAL WEIGHT. I TAKE URS IN RETURN TOO BUT THEY STACK WHAT YOU CANT SEE ARMY FOR ME IN A DIFFERENT RELAM.

LAPD WHY ITS DIFFERENT FOR THOSE QUESTIONING.

THOSE WHO GOT ME I KNOW I DONT NEED TO QUESTION AND I AM NOT. BUT I AM HELPING GUIDE THEM TO A PURE SOUL THEY SEE IN ME. BEyONCE UR EVIL YOU DONT WANT TO HEAL UR SCARED OF DEATH SO YOU T.HOOWW W ME CUT CORNERS AND THINK THATLL SAVE YOU FROM THE PAST OVER ONES YOU WILLINGLY MURDERED TO GET EVEN W ME YOUR MOM OR CLAIM A THRONE BUILT ON OTHER PPLS ASSETS. VIKING WOMAn.

911 who stuck in the “grind” n confused like Asian man middle seat Glendale station .. YA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM UR CULTURAL ROOTS TO WARRIOR WHO OVER STEPS CHIEF!?? UR MISGUIDED WE TALK WHEN RIGHT. SOME OF YOU HAD GOOD INTENT WEIRD ACTION. AND CANT SEE IN FULL HOW UR LITTLE ACTION ( yes feels like betrayal bc NO PROPER COMMUNICATION YET .. Howard what Lee wants by having you bring dumbass restraining orders ) … CONTRIBUTE TO THE KNOCKING OF MY BRAIN BUT IS NOT THE DRIVE FORCE FOR IT HAPPENING.

Fear is an illusion other side of it is a utopia who’s been following me for evidence vs who got evidence + SELF GROWTH COMPRESSED COMPREHENSION OF KNOWLEDGE OF TRUEST SELF AT THEIR OWN ROOT - RETURNING TO GOD IN SMALL BABY STEPS TOGETHER.

[adudelol-reblogs]

undertale oc that i've never heard of before????

tell me NOW

-✨

LMAOO yeah rye :)

oh wow this got long putting this below a . read more <3

so. okay ive been an undertale fan since the game first came out right like i remember looking at the trailers for a new game releasing (2015) and so me and a friend, @scooky2 made ocs together! (Oh my gods scooky sun n rye are nine years old.)

but yes we've had them around for forever, snr (the oc group, stands for Sun aNd Rye, or Sun N Rye), are our ocs. Sun created by Scooky and Rye created by me. They've changed a lot over the past few years, but yknow, as all ocs do <3

So, rye is my beloved baby ray of sunlight . she's a trans gal (she/it/[redacted]), and lives near sun. she's adopted by a poly family, the smiths, and her social worker, stacy, is suns mom!

so thats how sun n rye met when they were. 13ish? Something like that

pretty much they've always been close friends, and sun has punched several transphobes whove been mean to rye LMAO

OH a note here: rye is pronounced like "Ray". She named herself to match Sun (Sunray, a ray of sun, etc) and i just find that so wholesome i love them your honour

Um. Pretty much when they're like,,, 19? 20? I don't exactly remember, but one day when they were walking on a trail they fell into mt ebbott into the underground

sun has a bravery? soul? I think? bravery yeah the orange one, and rye has the typical determination red soul. they kinda go through the underground like normal, until theeee undyne fight, where sun dies. rye freaks out and panics, causing her to also die BUT!

as the DT soul, she is sent to this voidlike place for a moment. in the distance, she can hear a voice talking to her, and it tells her to just believe in herself. and she comes back to her last save point!

rye loves her honorary sister, and so she leaves without sun and fights undyne. during this, rye feels like the only thing she can do here is to kill undyne to save sun so yeah . rip o7

throughout the story rye dies a bunch more times, and each time she finds herself in the void place, the voice getting louder and louder until one time she sees its some weird, melted goopy skeleton monster (gaster!)

i dont exactly remember everything said, but the point is during the first run, gaster built up his trust with rye, and when she fights asgore, gaster convinces her to reset (aren't you curious? find out what else could happen?) (you promised you would save me. how can you do that without learning more information?) (do what i tell you. don't you trust me? im showing you how to use your soul. your determination) all that kinda stuff

so rye agrees, resets and resets and resets doing dozens and dozens of different things -- genocide, killing everyone besides one specific monster, only kill this one, seeing how everything reacts. but the one thing, the one thing rye would never do was hurt sun

(don't you trust me, rye? killing sun might be the one thing that can unlock this information. trust me, she won't even remember it. she wont know it even happened)

the one thing rye would never was hurt sun, before.

sun.... it was always a quick, painless death. at least, rye hoped it was. rye still loved her sister, but... she needed to know after all, right?

eventually sans manages to convince rye that he remembers everything blah blah and that rye is being manipulated by gaster, that she doesnt have to do this

and rye, tired of the resets, tired of killing sun or hurting sun over and over and over stops. she fights against gaster, telling him to leave her alone and that she's not playing his game anymore

so, she finally gets to her pacifist route. she finally did it, but... there isn't enough human souls to break the barrier. so both rye and sun are stuck down here until frisk (who in our oc would is not a DT soul, since we have the lore that only one DT soul can exsist at once) comes down and the barrier is broken by frisk

thats the overall story done!

oh i totally forgot to mention this. but both sun n rye are humans at the start of this story. sun is part phoenix (oc monster race we have), and part giant (also oc monster race). she looks human though, and game-wise, is human with human stats in everything until around sometime in waterfall, where she falls off a cliff or something and nearly dies -- but the monster part of her soul unlocks and she transforms into her monster form (which is birdlike -- wings on her back, eyes change, feathers, etc).

rye, on the other hand, is human. but remember stacy? suns mom, rye's social worker?

stacy is part giant, and has been around since before the monsters were locked into mt ebbott. stacy had gotten away, just looking like a tall lady to most of the world, and every couple decades she has to move to get a new ID+keep up the act of being human since, after 50 years, how do you still look 20 LMAO

but yes, stacy is a monster. and she had given rye this one magical item -- that if rye was ever in serious trouble, yes, use this.

well, in the underground, rye went through several life or death serious situations, and had used the device -- it unlocks even more of the DT in her soul, transforming her into her monster form.

Rye becomes a medusa like creature, legs shifting into one long snake tail, and hair turning into a mass amount of snakes. when she was being manipulated by gaster, she learned that her human form did more damage to monsters, so she never used it often.

but once she realized she was stuck down here, she found out that the snake form felt more comfortable as long as she wasn't outside in snowdin (due to the cold). so she ends up spending most of her time in her medusa form, because well

i should say . snr are oc x canon. we made them when we were younger and idk that its cringe now cringe is dead etc etc but

but yes, oc x canon, and the canon characters? ...sans and papyrus. though sun and sans is romantic, rye and papyrus are a qpr :D

but yeah like i was saying . rye spends most of her time in her snake form because it also just makes sans feel idk like safer? that when she was being manipulated, when she was killing monsters, she did so in her human form and her snake form was her willing to be weaker yknow

anyways uh . wow this is long i just rambled

sorry if like none of this makes sense LMAO i didnt realized how long this is oh my gods

[kerobin]

sobrang naaamaze pa rin ako that we all have different perspective pagdating sa love, na iba iba tayo ng definition nito. lagi ko nang naririnig dito na hindi dapat gawing therapy ang isang relationship, and that’s true. na we should not dump our past traumas sa partners natin. and then i realised na hindi siya ganun talaga kadaling sundin sa totoong buhay. kasi kahit gaano pa ka healthy yung klase ng relasyon na meron kayo ng partner mo, lahat ng desisyon mo, gaano man kaliit o kalaki ang magiging impact nito, it’s always attached from your past experiences, regardless if its relevant to the relationship now or not.

meron akong best friend sa dati kong work, she had an 8-year relationship with a guy. sobrang maalaga nung guy. between the two of them, yung lalaki yung may trabaho na may mas malaking sahod so he mostly provided (as he should). sobrang maalaga niya, at sobrang pampered nung dati kong best friend sa kanya. they always ate out, went to travel around the country. they were really happy, she said she could already see them growing old together, na inaantay niya na lang na magpropose yung guy so they could tie it up. however, that didnt happen. the guy broke it off. she was shocked at first. and when it hit her, she was really really devastated. eight years. they were together for eight effin years. her other friends (from home) knew his friends, she knew his mom and she was always at his house, her brothers were friends with him, she was friends with his sisters, and they just broke up. months later, she heard he got engaged with someone. she really took that hard. she was a wreck. andami niyang nakalandian, fubu dito fubu doon. she never took anyone seriously. and i couldn’t really blame her. sobrang tagal nung 8 years for that to be wasted only. lagi siyang nagwawalwal, stress-eating, she wasted away, her potential as a whole.

until recently, she found someone, and so far, it has been the most consistent relationship she’s had since the 8-year guy. however, ito ang catch: she’s the one who’s always calling the shots. she says where they would eat, what he needs to wear, when shed like to see him, that sort of stuff. she’s basically the one holding the steering wheel. she’s the navigator and hes only there for the ride. im not sure if shes serious with him this time, she hasnt told me that part yet, but she says that shes happy with him and she’s just guarding that happiness kasi ayaw niyang matulad na naman dun sa nangyari. i dont know if i should pity the guy, but i can see naman na shes sincere and she loves him, saved for the walls she built around her heart.

my point is this: i know i cant fault her for her love. i saw her when she was with the 8-year guy and i see her now with the newer guy. and she is miles different. im not sure if its because of the duration of the relationship (the old and the current) but i dont think anyone should be able to tell anyone how they can show their love. yes, i don’t agree with how she’s now showing her love to her current partner but i cant say its wrong, kasi that’s the love her experience has taught her or at least that’s how she defines it now. thats the definition of love for her. and while i have a different one, hindi ko naman pedeng ipilit yun sa kanya at sabihin na yun ang standard meaning ng love dahil 1) magkaiba kami ng pinanggagalingan; at 2) di ko rin naman alam kung tama ba ang paraan ko ng pag-ibig.

maaaring sa paningin ko o ng mga nakakakita, toxic ang klase ng pag-ibig na meron sila ngayon. o kaya naman, maaaring para sa kanya, this is the only way and only the right way to show her partner her love. and we really cannot say for certain.

sobrang laking konsepto ng usapin ng pag-ibig, and maybe i really dont have the right words to even attempt to start a discourse about it. pero sobrang naaamaze lang ako how something can hold this much significance. how something can evoke so much emotions, so much thoughts. sobrang laking concept ng love that until now, were still trying to look for its meaning and purpose (which, we may or may not find at all. or maybe were not even supposed to be looking in the first place)

[star-mum]

Good fucking morning to ME fellas

"if this were a real Criminal Minds episode, this would be the episode named after the reader" cant wait to get terribly hurt and maybe even tortured a little bit !!!

"reader being from Georgia" am weirdly excited about this (?)

alright, enough chit chat, lets solve a fucking crime

"Thursday, August 16th, 2007 - 3:39AM" im writing details down, this is a long one (obviously)

"The knife had felt so perfect in your hand" 👀 now was it a murder but not a crime ?

“You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves, Hotch" FLASH FOWARD FLASH FOWARD FLASH FOWARD

"The fact that he was still breathing" do i need to know the context to know I'm absolutely justified ? No, fuck you (Number 1 Elle Apologist)

“Reid, he specifically told us to sit this one out-” hiii Reid !!!

“What the hell is wrong with you?” : O hey ! rude !

"2:20AM" ohhh ????? (this is literally the CM format, like I can see the scenes playing out)

"that your parents used to own" fun phrasing, my arent dead right? like at least the "it" wasnt their death i think

"used to own" sounds like they sold it after It happened more than they died and the house went to someone else

when it FIRST happened????? alright, my parents could be dead but now the first time at least

(i also skipped the rest of cw to have the clearest mind while reading this)

"the other victims had been stabbed with" stabbed, not killed huh ?

I killed those women. I killed them!” AAAAH !

“He killed them because of me!” OHHH OKAY ALRIGHT, DAMN

okay if I dont ACTUALLY stab this dude, I'm gonna be so fucking pissed at Reid. Why are you yELLING AT ME ???? IM JUST A LITTLE GUY !!!!!!

“She’s the one you’re worried about? She’s a victim in all this.” YEAH !!!!

"the first time he attacked her, she fought back hard" sORRY I HAVE AN IMPECCABLE SURVIVEL INSTINCT ??? guess I'll just DIE (or worst) next time 🙄

"Rossi pointed out" Ariana what are you dOING HERE ???? (i forgot he shows up in s3)

"Tell me you like it!” literally anything I do here is fair and justified and no evidence couldn't possibly hold up in court

"This was a culling" everyone loOK AWAY, I HAVE TO GOOGLE SOMETHING

"the action of sending an inferior or surplus farm animal to be slaughtered" OOOOHHHHH DUDE !!!!

also i know it wasn't specified but born and raised in Georgia, we gotta have a southern accent and I will now read ALL OF READERS LINES as such

“It’s Miss L/N.” She said quietly. “I never married.” OH MY GOD !!!! AM I NOT ????? AM I NOT AN AGENT ????? AAAAAAAHHH WHAT ??? WHAT ????? (Worlds Dumbest Detective, you finally got here)

SUNNY WHEN I CATCH YOU SUNNY !!! YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE !!!! (or im just stupid)

"It was always the families" maybe a sister or cousin was attacked this time (?)

i need a moment that civilian reveal took a lot out of me

My daughter speaks very fondly of you.” OH THATS MY MOM !!!! OKAY !!! ALRIGHT (it's important to me that you know that I'm reading this right after waking up, so nothing stupid I say can be used against me)

What's in the fucking box? i swear to god

“I never smelled it on you back then.” so multiple times before we fought back effectively ?

“You made me a promise. No more. No more girls.” did we "agree" to what he wanted so he wouldn't hurt other girls ?

WAIT ! Now that my Senior Brain Moment has passed, I have thoughts™

if our mom "never married" did our parents live and bought a house together without a formal thing ??? or did she mean, never REmarried ? but still we go by that name? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

(.... i dont wanna say Dan's my dad but... throwing it out there just in case)

"Feeling it suffocating you like a plastic bag" drifting through the wind ?

"You had left it sitting on the passenger’s seat of the car. Right beside your phone" fuuuuuck (see I'm not the only one, who's brain is foggy, it's fine)

did he take MY Car ? cause they could've checked if it were still in the parking lot and saw both my pHONE AND GUN ?????

"why would she go with him willingly, she had a gun" one Could think that yEAH

"With my frequent correspondence and all?" so those in the shoe box were letters ?

My car WAS THERE !!! Duuuude ???? just check my car !!!!

“No more girls" but this wasn't The promise, that would have to have been before

"state lines in order to get the FBI involved in this case" okay so he Was trying to get us back here

"Women who looked strangely like you" okay so he didn't kill anyone the first time ? (if he did his AMO is very different otherwise we would've noticed it sooner)

the profile also says he could've been previously incarcerated, so he probably did go to the jail after he attacked us, I find it hard to believe we wouldn't have been keeping tabs on his sentence, so he probably escaped (?) somehow unnoticed (?)

"thee decomposition of bodies on live body farms" we did What Now ?

I know I'm probably halfway through (or less even) but no Garcia ? 🥺 i need my girlie here, I love her sm

LORE DUMP !!! Thank you Morgan !! okay give me a minute

1999 - first victim

2001 - missing person

2001-2007 - ongoing murders (26 and counting)

ah shit i gotta math now, fuck okay hold on (if i have to suffer through this then so do you)

if it's 2007 and we went into the academy right after college (forensics is a 4 year program) so... we joined, at the EARLIEST (fbi school is 4 mONTHS ?????)

damn we joined the fbi at 22 ? damn that's crazy (suck it boy genius) (heart breaking news Reid also joined the bau at 22) (jokes on him I graduated HS when I was 17 so technically *I* joined the fbi at 21) (so suck it boy genius, for real this time)

all of this is pointless cause idk how old Reader is rn ....

fuuuuuuuuck

WAIT !! fucking brain blast motherfuckers !!! what if the hiatus isn't from being arrested ????? what if that was the time of whatever the "no more girls" promise was made ????

but are we that stupid to just completely ignore the timing ???? or maybe it's been so fucking repressed is more of a "I dont want to even CONSIDER it"

okay no, I have to figure this out. Im gonna use Reid as a "base" cause we can't be younger than him but I also don't think we're that much older (lets say 5 years is our max)

1999 - we could've been 10-15

2001 - 12-17 (i actually let out a gasp) OKAY I THINK I GOT IT !!!!!

what if we graduated High school in 2001 ???? doesn't school start in the fall ????? so if we graduated class of 2001 then we would've been going to college in the fall !!!!!

NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT ????? NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT ????? I cant believe the math actually got me somewhere holy shit

OKAY !!! FINAL THESIS (theres 70% of the fic left) SO !!!

the first murder happened in 99 (we were 16) when we first attacked (i assume after, to make us more compliant after we fought back) so we agreed to whatever he said as long as he didn't hurt anymore girls, a promised he kept...

UNTIL !!! 2001 when we went to college, I'm assuming we moved AWAY for college and thats why he kidnapped that girl i September, to make us come back to town

im still trying to decide if the attack we fought back to (the one Hotch mentions in the file) was the first or last attack, makes sense either way cause if it was the last maybe it was the first act of defiance before we moved away BUT reader also said he "liked us cause we fought back" so maybe it happened many times ? and only one got processed ??? still fuzzy on this on this one ngl

"I thought you could use some sustenance!” hey Ma !!!!

"No. You couldn’t risk her telling anyone" so we did realize the connections ?

"Ma? What are you doing here?” omg southern accent confirmed !!!! hihi 🫣

"It’s not like she did much of that when you were an actual baby" tell us more about that, actually *underlines "Dan = dad ????" on my notebook like 3 times*

"For once, I have no idea.” Spencer mumbled in return" fOr oNcE i hAvE n- sHUT UP

"a small plastic bag" dRIFITING TROUGH THE WIND ?????

also ewwww I hate it when they do thag, cunty and dramatic but gross nonetheless

"You are the stars hidden by clouds" *looks at the camera like they do in The Office* ex squeeze me?

OKAY, Im not gonna google it cause I'm sure if it IS an existing poem Boy Genius will just tells us in under 5 seconds BUT could be either an existing poem or a monologue from a play

if it were something the killer wrote to US previously, we would've known immediately (and she seemed genuinely surprised when seeing him again so....)

"You hated that the quote was distinctly familiar to you. You hated how you knew it" EEEEIIIIII

"You could still hear his voice in your head, and it made your bones quake." SO WE DO KNOW IT !!!! at this point girlie ... please just TALK TO SOMEONE

"It’s Jacqueline Simon Gunn.” (suck it boy genius pt2)

"That name sounds awful familiar to me - are you from Madison?” i love having a very obvious latino last name cause yEAH YOU'D RECOGNIZE THAT (rip to y'all smiths and browns out there i guess, but im ✨ different ✨)

like don't feel like doxxing myself (know how it is) but its the same level of "cliche" as Diaz or like Santos (id say Santiago but Santos is more ✨ brazilian ✨)

"last time I saw you, you was beat to a darn pulp" that gossipy bITCH !! also what a FUN and CONVERSATIONAL memory to bring up for no reason

"summer of ‘99" I've never been wrong a DAY IN MY LIFE !!!! Okay I think he killed that girl in retaliation then (right? it's gonna be?) cause we fought him when tried to attack us in 99

"But you were still his girl" this wording could very well be both from an obsessive "lover" OR a father figure SPECIALLY if Im remembering correctly that he said "because I Love You" and not " because Im In Love With You", I feel like he might actually be our father

AND !! the original profile was of a delusional man who believed he was dating his victims BUT reid said the profile was all wrong so... (also that comment about our mom not babying us when we Were Babies...) (I've connected the dots)

"Somewhere Above America" KSKSKSKS and I'd sure hope so

"Perhaps he’s feeling ignored" which he Is, just not in the way we think

"It’s Sense and Sensibility. Jane Austin.” he keeps using specific book quotes that we recognize... like he was reading bed time stories ... ????

"Well, at least we know our UnSub’s not a woman.” She remarked sharply" ... now why would you say that? ...

i LOOOOOVE that we're going back step by step, is so fucking fun (like if were getting the facts as they happened it'd still be good, obviously, but this way is just so ✨ literature ✨)

"back to her dorm at the University of South Carolina" are they All college girls ? 👀

"You had known at least two of them. You had gone to school with them" Sunny when I catch you

"Wheels up in thirty" BINGO !!!

"Well, you know, if you ever need a calm, cozy place to sleep, you can always give me a call" 🫣 say less "As long as you don’t mind Clooney licking at your toes in the mornin’.” i said "LESS"

"taking care of chores in the morning, participating in a midday nap, and then socializing in the evening and partaking in community events before sleeping again in the evening" *screams and cries" WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME SOMETHING I COULD NEVER HAVE !!!!

"Good morning, pretty girl" YAAAAAAYYYY !!!!!

"This arrived on the mailcart for you, postmarked from a few days ago" YOU'D USE MY FAVORITE GIRL TO DELIVER ME AWFUL TERRIBLE NO GOOD NEWS ??????

"Lover" uugghhhh fiiiiinuuhhhh guess he's not our father (I've had elected to ignore the age profiled cause fuck you, i make my own rules) (also I forgot abou that)

still tho my big brained math theory still stands

"Fate has sent us on such different paths" is that what they're calling the government's watch list now?

IS THIS THE BIG REVEAL ????? UUHHHH

"The first murder took place in August of ‘99.” after the first attack

"Are you saying that Lety is involved with this in some way?” well you came to that conclusion Very Fast JJ .....

"She was being stalked.” Reid declared quietly, sounding defeated. “She still is.” which *chuckles* begs the question and Im so sorry to bring this up again... wHY WERE YOU YELLING AT ME ?????

"woman" he says, as if I wasn't fucking 16

"Can you narrow it down to women in their twenties" 20s ??????? this hurts me, this wounds me deeply (WDYM 20s ???? I DID SO MUCH MATH FOR THIS !!!!)

"“He had a very brief stint in the FBI Academy. He was kicked out 2001" all my theories out the fucking window... "he followed her to the Academy?”

I didn't even stab this fucking asshole, why is everyone being such an asshole to me ????? sure i withheld pertinent information on an on going case but iM JUST A LITTLE GUY !!!!!

"Should the heart of a killer really live on inside someone else’s body?" this will be the worms in my brain for a while now, thank you for that

"That is how heavy a secret can become. It can make blood flow easier than ink" AAAAAAAAAAAHHH

okay this is so fucking long too oh my god, oKAY WOW !!!!!! Insane fucking plot, really good !!! i mentioned it already but I love that we went backwards with the information

i tried my bEST !!! to figure this one out and yet I didn't connect shit (in my mind I did tho, so that's okay !! )

this entire post resumed to a single image:

Figure It Out

A Criminal Minds Casefic

“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” -Friedrich Nietzsche 

Summary:

Since you joined the BAU, you have been keeping a terrible secret from the team.

When the team takes a case in your hometown - your festering secret comes to be known with a vengeance.

Fem!Reader x Gen!BAU Team (Platonic). General Casefic, modelled after a Criminal Minds episode. Angst, Mystery, Hurt and Comfort. Set during Criminal Minds Season 3.

Word Count: 18,000

Criminal Minds Masterlist | AO3 Link

Detailed Warnings and author's notes below the cut.

Warnings: this is a general casefic - there is no romantic pairings in this fic, it is more about the mystery of the case and how the reader character fits into it (if this were a real Criminal Minds episode, this would be the episode named after the reader) - with that being said, the main relationship focuses are between Emily and the reader and Spencer and the reader (because I am biased and I love them) but there isn’t any romantic threads or romantic tones, it is all platonic; the reader character uses she/her pronouns and is described as a woman, but I went out of my way to make sure that there is no descriptions of the readers looks or body type; there is use of Y/N and L/N (as in Last Name); mentions of the reader being from Georgia (because the case takes place in her hometown); smoking/cigarettes - mentions of the reader character smoking tobacco; mentions of the reader character being injured (severely in a past incident, and minor injuries during the course of the fic); mentions of vomit/mentions of the reader character throwing up; lots of warnings for general Criminal Minds topics; murder, killing, somewhat graphic descriptions of dead bodies, violence, guns/gun violence, mentions of rape and sexual violence, mentions of systematic violence towards women; there is no graphic depictions of rape/no rape scenes in the fic, but there is mentions of the event of rape happening to certain characters, references to rape culture, and the shame/guilt/self blame a rape victim feels; mentions of stalking/stalking behaviors - including the delusion mindset of a stalker, obsessiveness, sending someone unwanted letters, mentions of a ‘one sided’ relationship; mentions of trauma/PTSD; descriptions of symptoms of PTSD; themes surrounding the cycle of violence; I did kind of purposefully make the warnings a bit more vague than I usually do, because I really don’t want to spoil the plot of this fic. But as lot as you are okay with the maturity of all these themes, you should be okay with this fic!!

A/N: This is pretty much 100% inspired by the music video for Figure It Out by Royal Blood - which the fic is named after. I highly recommend watching the music video, because it is fucking art in my opinion, but I have taken such heavy inspiration from it in terms of the style, tone, and even storyline - so the music video kind of spoils this fic. So probably watch it after you read the fic lmao. I also feel like the instrumental version of the song goes very well with this fic. This fic is not at all typical and I am terrified that people won't like it, or that they won't 'get it'. But I am very proud of it, so I am going to put it out there and hope that people enjoy it. So - please enjoy!! I really love writing Criminal Minds casefics and coming up with the details of a case, and writing it in this style was so, so exciting and interesting for me, and I really do hope that you can enjoy reading it.

...

“All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.”

-Friedrich Nietzsche 

...

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Madison Police Department, Interrogation Room #1 - Madison, GA. 3:39AM.

The chilled air of the interrogation room only made the regret more palpable in your lungs. 

The hum of the fluorescents overhead made you feel like a bug about to be zapped - like your entire life was over and you would soon be resigned to a cage. 

You hated it, but you had to wonder what you would have done if you had ten more minutes. Ten more minutes before they had arrived, sirens screeching, lights flashing. Your mind kept replaying the moments over and over again. The knife had felt so perfect in your hand. 

Ten more minutes. 

“I just want to talk.” 

So caught up in your thoughts, your mind so foggy from the hectic night - you had almost forgotten that there was someone sitting in front of you. 

He looked so entirely stiff - wearing his cookie cutter suit and his carved-in scowl. He did nothing to shift your mood. 

“This is just a conversation. Nothing more.” 

He continued on, using a monotone, would-be soothing voice when you didn’t say anything. 

The metal chair felt stiffer underneath you, and you felt further suffocated within that small, concrete box. 

You felt inclined to call it an interrogation, but you wouldn’t be so quick to tell him that. It’s not like you were going to tell him what he wanted to hear. 

“You can smoke in here if that makes you feel more comfortable.” He added on, pushing something from the middle of the table toward you. 

A pack of cigarettes and a lighter. There was also an ashtray. A collection of things that someone had put there, knowing that you would be resigned to this tiny, tiny room. 

“You don’t have to treat me with kid gloves, Hotch.” You huffed, saying his name, using the same technique that he would likely be using on you. You could mirror him, get ahead on the mind games. “I’m not as crazy and detached from reality as you think I am.” 

Perhaps that was a false statement. You weren’t even sure how crazy he thought you were. Perhaps, that in itself made you detached from reality. You couldn’t be sure. 

Nonetheless, you took him up on the offer. You reached out and eagerly picked up the pack of smokes, ripping off the outer plastic before you took one out, shoving the tip between your lips and lighting it up. 

You took a heavy draw, and the nicotine throbbed through you. Seemingly adding to the headache you already had from the large gash on your forehead that they had hastily bandaged before bringing you in here, rather than relieving it. Still, you sucked on the cigarette like it was your only lifeline - taking a moment to tap some of the ash into the small ashtray while you stared at Hotch carefully. 

You wondered if you should really tell him all the gory details. 

“Just tell me what happened. Tell me your side of the story.” Hotch said, trying his best to sound warm and convincing. It didn’t work. “I’m just trying to figure it out. Just like you are.” 

Perhaps your biggest regret was that you were here, cooped up in this hole - and he was in the hospital somewhere, laying in a soft bed, being attended to by nurses, being comforted. The fact that he was still breathing - even with the assistance of a tube down his throat, and not in a body bag.

“You’ll never look at me the same if I do tell you.” You managed to find these words, and these words only. Ominous, almost threatening - more so than you intended. 

“I won’t.” He returned. Shallow, fallible. 

Suddenly, a crash from the hallway broke the tense silence that was brewing between the two of you. The door was thick, but it wasn’t enough to disguise the ruckus coming from outside. 

“No! No! You have to let me through! I have to be in there!” 

The voice was familiar, but that tone of desperation certainly was not. 

“Reid, he specifically told us to sit this one out-” 

“Sit this one out?!” Reid repeated the words back, his voice warping with pure shock, the inability to conceptualize such a thing. “You expect me to just sit out?” He scoffed. “If it wasn’t for me, two more people would be dead, and there wouldn’t even be a ‘this one’! Now let. Me. Through.” 

“Reid-” 

With all his bolstering stubbornness, he shoved past whoever had been trying to stop him, and as you took another heavy puff off your cigarette, the interrogation room door came flying open. 

Hotch stood up, rushing to block the door, but you smiled. Though you were numb from the day’s events - it was your natural instinct upon seeing him. 

“Reid-” Hotch choked out, trying to block the gangly man from even entering the room. 

“Good evening, Doctor Reid.” You greeted him gently. 

Upon seeing your reaction - so much more open and warm - Hotch allowed him in. This was the wedge that he needed to pry you open. Reid closed the door behind himself with an indigent huff and a glare toward his superior. 

Reid crossed his arms, hovering near the door as he turned his stiff-jawed glare toward you now. Your cigarette turned to a hot cherry in your hands - sucked to death already, and you stubbed it out in the tray before starting a new one. You knew chain-smoking was an even filthier habit than the occasional ciggy, but you had one hell of a day under your belt. If there was ever a time, it was now. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Reid asked, his voice stiff and oppositional. 

“Oh, so many things.” You said, your tone clever and unphased. Hotch let out a sigh as he sat back down in his chair. He was glad that you were talking openly now, at least. “Shall we go in alphabetical order, or start at my birth and work or way back from there?” 

Reid let out another nasal thick sound. Apparently, he wasn’t in the mood for banter. 

You were met with nothing but a stony wall of silence, and cold glares of disapproval. It almost made you feel guilty. Almost. 

“Let’s start with this,” Reid corrected you. “Why?” 

Truthfully, you couldn’t give him that answer. You didn’t think you would ever have enough time to conjure it up within yourself. 

“You’re the genius profiler, Doctor Reid.” You fired back coldly. “You tell me.” 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Abandoned Country House - Madison, GA. 2:20AM.

Prentiss led the team as they searched through the house. It was the only solid lead they had as to where you might be. It was a house that your parents used to own - a place of significance because you had lived there the summer when it first happened. 

“Clear!” 

She went through the living room, the kitchen, the entire first floor, leading the team with Reid at her side, guns drawn. 

“Clear!” 

As she crested the top of the stairs, she heard sobbing. 

It was distinct - something that tugged harshly on her heartstrings. 

Even though it was against protocol not to clear the rooms in order, she rushed toward it. Reid continued to flank her - obviously he had heard the noise too. 

Prentiss landed a sharp kick on the door’s handle, causing it to fling open. 

The picture on display in front of her almost caused her to drop her gun. 

Hotch had been right. 

You were on top of the man, straddling him. Both you and the man were badly beaten - but right off the bat, Prentiss could tell that he was far worse off. Clearly, you had bested him in the fight this time. 

The contents of the room strewn about; broken glass, busted furniture, the curtain rod torn down. It looked like the remnants of a bad WWE brawl. You were the picture of desperation - heavy, hot tears coming from your eyes, blood smearing down your face from a gash on your forehead as you stared down the man beneath you with fiery madness in your eyes. 

You had a knife to his throat. A large hunting knife - the same kind that all the other victims had been stabbed with. 

You had the tip of it poised to his throat, just barely touching his skin. If you put any amount of pressure on the blade - if you bared down, then you would slice right through his esophagus. It would take almost no effort from you at all to end his life. 

From what Prentiss could see, the man was unconscious. He was completely slack, his body still on the ground. He was bleeding from a small head wound. His life was entirely in your hands. He couldn’t fight back. 

Both your hands shook vigorously as you struggled with the warring inside of you, as you struggled with the weight of the confrontation with your life’s biggest monster. 

Though it went against everything inside of her, Emily kept her gun raised. She kept her arms stiff, keeping her gun pointed at you. As much as she detested that man, knowing what he had done - it was her job to shoot you if you tried to kill him. Right now, she hated that job. 

“Put the knife down!” Prentiss ordered sharply. 

You didn’t move. 

Naturally, Reid, in all of his softness and empathy, slackened his arms and holstered his gun before anyone could blink. 

“Come on, put it down.” She tried again. 

You ignored Prentiss entirely, your hands still shaking, making no moves to lift the knife away from the man’s throat. 

Reid moved to step into the room, and from his view at the top of the stairs, arms stiff and gun pointed in your general direction - Hotch called out to him. 

“Reid-!” He tried to warn Reid against doing this. Of course, he didn’t listen. 

Reid knelt down beside you, posturing in surrender with his arms. Of course, he wasn’t even on your radar at the moment. Your entire gaze, your entire focus was on the unconscious man underneath you - the true target of your agony. 

“Y/N,” Reid said your name calmly, trying to capture your attention. “You don’t have to do this.” 

You hesitated for a moment, and Prentiss worried that even his gentle voice wouldn’t be able to get through to you. 

“I have to.” You sobbed out. More heavy tears slid down your face, and you began to shake more visibly, shockwaves moving throughout your entire body. 

“You don’t have to.” Reid told you, his voice calming, gentle. “You - you can give me the knife, and then we can just… walk away. And then it all ends.” 

“It won’t just end!” You screamed out, your voice a curtling weep that bounced off the walls. 

It made Prentiss’ heart jump inside of her chest. If it wasn’t protocol, she would have dropped her gun and run over to comfort you with a hug. But she knew that you weren’t in the most stable place. You might have tried to stab her with the knife. 

“It can end.” Reid assured you calmly. “You just have to come with me. You just have to put the knife down and-” 

“I have to make it stop!” You screamed, trampling over his quiet voice. “I killed those women. I killed them!” 

“Prentiss!” Hotch edged in, warning her. 

If you didn’t move off of the unconscious man soon, then she would have to take you down. 

“Just give him a minute!” Prentiss fired back. She had faith in Reid. 

“We both know that’s not true.” Reid told you. “You didn’t kill them. You didn’t mean for this to happen-” 

“He killed them because of me!” You shouted, cutting him off. “We both know it’s my fault.” 

“It’s not.” Reid choked out. “Please don’t say that.” 

There was a gutting silence. 

“Please, just give me the knife.” 

At this point he was doing some pleading of his own - but your hands were unsteady and you still refused to look at him. 

You weren’t going to give up the fight that easily. 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Somewhere On The Country Backroads - Madison, GA. 2:11AM.

“I want two squad cars down the road, I want state police cutting off all the possible exits to the major highways.” Agent Hotchner was on the scene, doing what he did best - giving orders. “I want to cut off any chance of possible escape incase the suspect tries to flee-” 

“Hotch, do you really think that’s necessary?” Morgan asked. “We’ve got the house. Thermal cam’s got two bodies on the second floor. There’s nowhere to run from here. We’ve got spike strips on all the dirt roads. No car is getting past any of that. It should function as a hard extraction from here.” 

Hotch glared at Morgan as he fastened the straps on his bulletproof vest. The glare of the red and blue lights from the squad cars only made the deep frown lines on his face look firmer. 

“I am not taking any chances.” Hotch said. “We both know this is an incredibly delicate matter. We found one of the victims across state lines. We know this suspect has mobility. I’m not risking finding another body.” 

The air became tense as everyone realized what he meant by ‘another body’. 

“I want tactical swat to go in first-” Hotch began, and was quickly cut off by Morgan. 

“You’re sending in swat when there’s a hostage in there?” Morgan questioned harshly. 

“Even if we go in there blazing, showing force, she might not come in quietly.” Hotch explained.

“You’re serious?” Prentiss replied, hooking the wire of her earpiece around her ear in order to tuck the mic in. “She’s the one you’re worried about? She’s a victim in all this.” 

“You saw the incident report.” Hotch reminded her. “The amount of defensive wounds she had… the first time he attacked her, she fought back hard. She’s desperate, she’s feeling cornered, she-” 

“She’s terrified right now.” Prentiss pressed harshly. “She doesn’t need a bunch of men going in there waving guns in her face.” 

“She could sacrifice him.” Hotch theorized, further trying to prove his point. “This could be her chance to finally get justice. Finally getting rid of the man who’s tormented her for all these years.”

“So we have to bring them both in. Quietly.” Morgan said. “We can’t just go in there shooting. If your theory is correct, then she could use him as a human shield.” 

Hotch nodded. “Fine. No tactical swat. Prentiss, you take the lead.” 

“Yeah, and I’m taking Reid with me.” Prentiss told him sharply. “Somebody with a little compassion around here.” 

Prentiss nodded and scoffed, walking past Hotch, gently whispering ‘what the hell is wrong with you’ on her way to get in the car with Reid. 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 1:45AM.

When JJ let out a harsh sigh, Emily turned to her, swiveling in the borrowed office chair with a creak. 

“What is it?” Emily asked. 

“Don’t you feel that?” JJ replied. Emily shrugged, waiting a moment for her to finish the thought. “That… overwhelming feeling of dread?” 

Of course, it was obvious. No leads. No breaks in the case. 

It was hopeless. 

“Come on, I thought you were the hopeful one.” Rossi pointed out, tossing his empty paper coffee cup into a nearby trash can. 

“How can I be hopeful when one of my best friends is caught up in all this?” JJ fired back. “If she-” 

Before she could finish that thought, Reid stormed in, capturing everyone’s attention. 

“Guys, I think we got the profile all wrong.” He announced, a look of worry knit into his features. “And - if I’m right, then I think I know where she is.” 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Abandoned Country House - Madison, GA. 1:45AM.

You knew that it was cruel, but you couldn’t help but to enjoy his groans of pain. 

There had been so many others - so many monsters to take down. So many men that you had gotten rid of without a second thought. Men you had put bullets in that didn’t mean as much to you as this. So many others you had easily forgotten about. But he had taunted your soul in a special way. And you knew that you were enjoying this too much. 

“Tell me you like it!” 

You screamed, taking another downward swing with the piece of wood - a leg broken off from the chair he had bound you to. He had been convinced that you wouldn’t break free. Laughable. He should have known better.  

When he didn’t respond, you took another swing. 

You could have stopped. You could have ended it. But you didn’t. 

“Come on, tell me you like it!” 

You screamed in his face, sputtering blood across him. At one point, he had punched you in the mouth. You weren’t exactly sure where the blood was coming from. You didn’t exactly care.

That would be your excuse.  

He had hit you too. You were battered. You were just a fragile woman, after all. 

“You’re a fuckin’ crazy bitch.” He coughed, sputtering out some blood himself. “I… I always liked that about you. It was one of the reasons I fell in love.” 

He grinned - bright red spread out across his teeth, and it gave you the intense desire to see those teeth missing. To make him swallow them. 

“You don’t love me.” You told him firmly. “You just get an adrenaline rush from being around me because I’m not afraid of you.” You explained. “Unlike the other whores, I fight.” 

While you were preoccupied with the words, he flipped onto his stomach and began crawling across the floor. 

He thought you were too stupid to notice, but he was inching his way toward the hunting knife that had been thrown out of his hand during the scuffle. It was a slow, sluggish crawl. You had broken a few of his ribs, his kneecap. It was nice to see him so slow. You had probably severely damaged his internal organs with how hard you had been beating him with the makeshift baton. 

It was worse than last time. You stood above him like a menace - watching and waiting. You hated that you knew you would take an odd kind of joy in removing his hope when you stole the knife from his grip. 

Just as he grazed his fingers across it, you brought another harsh swing down across his achilles tendon, causing him to scream out in pain. 

You still had a lot of strength left in you. He was tiring out. 

He was losing the game. 

“Come on baby, tell me how you like it.” You continued to mock him. “Tell me how good I am.” 

“Fuck you.” He moaned out. 

You felt satisfaction bloom inside of you - those were the words. 

He had finally given up hope. He had finally realized that maybe: he wasn’t going to beat you. Maybe he wasn’t above you on the playing field anymore. He was fucking around with a fellow predator, not toying with his prey.  

“Oh baby. You know I’m only doing this because I love you.” You said, repeating his own words back to him in a cruel mockery. 

That was when he realized: this wasn’t just a lover’s spat. This was a culling. 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Just Outside of Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 1:04AM.

Reid needed some air. 

Working on the case so diligently, not coming up with any leads. It was intensely difficult. Letting the balmy summer Southern air flow over him, getting a good gulp of the fresh air into his lungs - it was a bit more awakening than drinking his sixth cup of coffee for that day. 

He was surprised when he rounded a corner, trying to go for a short walk to stretch his legs, and he saw a very recognizable face hovering near a gray Honda. 

“Mrs. L/N?” He posed, approaching her gently. “It’s late. What are you doing here?”

JJ had promised to call her if there were any updates. Reid didn’t want to disappoint her by telling her that there were none. 

“It’s Miss L/N.” She said quietly. “I never married.” 

Reid nodded at this. “My apologies.” 

She looked deeply troubled. 

Reid waited patiently for her to reply to his initial question - for her to tell him whatever was burdening her. If he was lucky, it could help with the case. It was always the families who could help put those final puzzle pieces into place. That was something Gideon taught him, so he took it as sacred advice. 

“You’re Doctor Reid, aren’t you?” She posed, stepping forward to approach him slightly - still stiff, still stand-off-ish. He easily understood why. He nodded in response. “My daughter speaks very fondly of you.” 

Reid cracked a small smile at this. 

His attention was then brought to a small box - a shoe box as she held it out to him. 

“I don’t mean to bother you at this late hour, but… you said to let you know if I thought of anything that might help you.” She reminded him. He nodded again. “And I - well, the reason I didn’t bring these up the first time… you can understand that I have a need to protect my daughter?” 

“Of course.” He affirmed. “It’s every parent’s natural instinct to protect their child.” 

She looked solemn at his words. 

“I had no idea that… that what happened to her could potentially be connected to these… these murders in any possible way.” She told him, shuddering as the word passed through her lips. “I was just trying to shield her, you have to understand.” 

She handed him the shoebox, and when he took it and lifted off the lid, it took him only a moment to understand. He would need to find a quiet place to fully inspect the contents, but it was all being pieced together in his mind now. 

“Thank you for bringing me this.” He told her quietly. 

“Doctor Reid, you have to promise me that you’ll bring my daughter home unharmed.” She said, tears coming to her eyes. “She’s a good girl. Please, just bring her home.” 

Unfortunately, he couldn’t promise her that. Not under the circumstances. 

“Ma’am… I will try my best. That is all I can promise you.” He told her. 

She nodded in quiet understanding before Reid turned and marched back inside. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Abandoned Country House - Madison, GA. 11:03PM.

The flint of the lighter flicking seemed to be the loudest thing in the room in that moment - even with the low hum of the eleven o’clock news playing in the background. 

It was so odd. Everything was exactly like you remembered it. Withered - but the same. 

Even the chair you were sitting in. The old wooden chair that had been lugged up from the kitchen, one that you used to sit in for hours and do homework - it was rickety, but somehow the same. 

You took a sharp drag off the cigarette after it was lit for you, continuing to listen to the feminine voice on the radio as the news played. 

“I’m Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, and I’m speaking on behalf of the Madison Police Department. Tonight, we are making an urgent appeal to the public for information. Earlier this evening, a woman went missing in the area of-” 

“I never took you for a smoker.” He said, his voice sharp and confident in the words. 

You tapped your cigarette into the ashtray with your free hand before raising it up to your lips to take another drag. Right now, the smoke heavy in your lungs was the only thing keeping you sane. 

“I never smelled it on you back then.” He added on when you didn’t respond to him. “Bitches who smoke always smell like dirtbags. You just… smelled nice.” 

“I didn’t smoke back then.” You quietly replied. 

He had driven you to take up the habit. 

You took another drag of your cigarette - you wanted to enjoy it. The longer you could drag it out, literally, the longer you could delay the inevitable. 

“-The suspect was last seen driving a blue and white, 1970s Ford truck. If you see the vehicle, please-” 

“They’re lookin’ for ya.” He said casually, nodding toward the radio. 

You wished they weren’t. 

You directed the conversation elsewhere. 

“Tell me how this is gonna end.” You urged him quietly, ashing your cigarette again. 

“You and I both know… this was only ever gonna end one way.” He told you, his voice irritably cocky. 

He had you now. He had won. 

“-We believe that this abduction is connected to a string of recent murders in the area. It is critical that if you have any information, you call our tip line at-” 

He rose from his spot then, and turned off the radio. 

The silence was gutting. 

He moved toward the door, but you abruptly caught his attention. 

“Remember,” You told him. “You made me a promise.” You said quietly. “No more. No more girls.” 

He chuckled at this. “Of course, darlin’. No more.” 

It felt like a lie. 

“But only because I love you.” He gave a filthy grin along with these words, and your insides shuddered. 

You knew that he wasn’t actually capable of love. You had known that from the moment you first laid eyes on him. 

You didn’t bother to muster any words in return. 

He crossed the room back toward you and leaned down, planting a kiss on your forehead. Your body stiffened, entirely stony toward it. It was selfish on his part - loving on you like a doll, rather than trying to bring you any comfort. 

He moved back to the door silently. 

You worried about what would happen the moment he went out the door. He turned to you just before he left. 

“Don’t run off now.” He said with a wink. Ego. Sarcasm. 

“Where am I gonna go, Dan?” You sighed. 

You lifted your tethered hand up to drive the point home, and the clink of handcuffs was now apparent in the otherwise silent room. 

He shut the door with a chuckle. You put out your cigarette in the ashtray, reaching for the loose spoke in the back of the chair. This was a chair that you used to sit in for hours while studying. That loose spoke used to bug you all the time. 

It came free after only a few tugs. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. QuitTrip (Corner Store) - Madison, GA. 10:24PM.

The previously dark parking lot of the secluded, back country convenience store was now entirely lit up with red and blue. Four police cars had crowded into the area, surrounding the place where you had last been seen. 

Inside, under the harsh white fluorescent lights of the store, Hotchner and Prentiss were interviewing the store clerk - a young man who had supposedly been the last person to speak to you before the abduction. 

“So, you’re sure that you didn’t see anything?” Hotch pressed the young man - someone who seemed so entirely nervous under his harsh, unmoving gaze. 

“I swear, man, I didn’t see anything.” He said, his voice cracking slightly as he spoke. “She was parked in the back of the parking lot, and once you walk around the corner, there’s no way to see someone through the doors. It’s like - like a total blind spot, man.” 

“The UnSub had to have known that.” Hotch noted quietly, turning to Prentiss. “He approached her knowing that he wouldn’t be seen.” 

“Do you think he was waiting out there?” Prentiss wondered aloud. 

Then she turned back to the clerk. 

“Was there a man in here before she came in? He would have been in his 30s. Very cold, he wouldn’t have said anything. Just paid quietly and left. He might not have even bought anything - he might have just walked around, checking the blind spots. And if you asked him what he was looking for, he would have given you a glare rather than speaking. This man is not sociable. He’s very distant. He likely wouldn’t have looked you in the eye.” 

The clerk shook his head. 

“No, nobody like that.” He explained. “That lady - she was my first customer in, like, hours. She just bought her ciggies and left. And I thought it was weird cause she bought a lighter too. Most smokers already have a lighter on them.” 

“I didn’t know Y/N smoked.” Prentiss said quietly. 

“Me either.” Hotch confirmed. 

Hotch’s attention was captured by a screen behind the counter - surveillance feed, showing several different places inside the store. There was one camera just outside the door. If he wasn’t mistaken, that camera was pointed at that ‘blind spot’ in the parking lot. 

Without asking permission, he raised the partition and walked around the counter, his eyes hyper-focused on the screen. 

“Can you get me this footage from a few hours ago?” He prompted toward the clerk. “The view of the parking lot. We need to see what L/N did after she left the store.” 

The clerk nodded and began typing things onto the keyboard, and Hotch prompted him to stop when he saw you appear on the footage. Prentiss came around the counter as well, leaving the three of them crowded in close to the small screen as they watched the past version of you. 

You walked across the parking lot - toward your car, a cigarette hanging out of your mouth. You were making determined steps - until something stopped you. 

“The UnSub caught her attention.” Prentiss noted. 

Then - something entirely strange happened. While staring at the man off screen, you leaned against your car, and began ashing your cigarette, as if chatting idly with him. 

“He’s not using force.” Hotch thought aloud. “Do you think he’s got a gun trained on her?” 

“Maybe.” Prentiss hummed quietly. 

He was out of the frame, so it was only a guess. 

Then, after a few moments of this - you simply walked off. You walked in the direction he had been standing. 

“Did - did she just go with him willingly?” Prentiss gaped, entirely in shock. 

When she glanced over her shoulder, Hotch was gone. 

He stormed out into the parking lot, frantically gazing around. Prentiss followed him, chasing his chaotic energy. 

“Hotch!” She called out. “Hotch-!” 

“We need more camera angles! We need-” 

“Calm down.” She urged, grabbing him by the shoulders. 

“It just doesn’t make any sense.” He rasped. “Why would she go with him willingly? Why - why? Why would she?” He was frantic. “He must have threatened her. He must have-” 

They both didn’t want to think of the obvious. 

That you didn’t fear him. That - it hadn’t even been an abduction. 

“He must have threatened her.” Prentiss easily agreed. “She wouldn’t have gone with him otherwise.” 

They didn’t bring up the fact that you had a gun and plenty of training on how to use it. They didn’t bring up the fact that the profile said the UnSub couldn’t easily charm - he would have kidnapped you by force. 

Unless you were special. Unless he thought he could talk to you specifically for some reason. 

“Guys, what’s the news?” JJ asked, finally walking onto the scene. 

She hated the grave looks on Prentiss and Hotch’s faces. 

“I want you to put a press conference together.” Hotch said, straightening himself out and turning to her. “Make an appeal for witnesses. Tell them that there’s been a woman abducted in the area, but don’t tell them that L/N a Federal Agent. It could set the UnSub off if he believes that this abduction is being treated with a higher priority. If he feels a higher pressure from law enforcement, he might-” 

“Right.” JJ nodded. Hotch didn’t need to say the words in order for her to understand. “So: release her name and her photo, but act like she’s just a regular civilian?” 

Hotch nodded. “Exactly.” 

“If I get going now, I think I could still make the eleven o’clock news.” JJ said, rushing off with her cell pressed to her ear. 

“Let’s just hope that it brings Y/N home safely.” 

…

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. QuitTrip (Corner Store) - Madison, GA. 8:03PM.

You felt an odd amount of relief having nicotine in your system again. 

This was the first time you had smoked a cigarette in years. You had quit the habit shortly after you joined the FBI Academy when one of your advisers warned you that it might cause you to fail the fitness test. And you felt like you should just knock the habit, seeing as the only reason you had taken it up was because of… him. 

But - all of this was so triggering. Being back in your same small shitty town. Feeling it suffocating you like a plastic bag. 

The murders. 

You sucked on the cigarette for dear life as you walked back to your car, and just as you were about to get in - the windows of the car open, inviting in the sweet summer air, the keys still inside because you did feel an odd amount of trust in your hometown - something captured your attention. 

“Y/N.” 

Hearing your name in that voice made you freeze on the spot. The warm breeze felt like ice against your skin as you took your hand off the door handle, turning toward him. 

“You’re lookin’ gorgeous as ever, darlin’.” 

“You.” You ground out the word with as much disdain as possible, hot rage boiling in your blood as you looked at him. “I should have known it was you.” 

He let out a sharp chuckle - a sound that made your throat tighten up. He flicked his tongue out across his teeth, grinning his terrible Cheshire grin at you. 

A hand instinctively went for your gun, and your palm hit an empty section of your belt. He let out another sharp chuckle when his eyes followed yours, making the same realization that you did. 

You had left it sitting on the passenger’s seat of the car. Right beside your phone. 

You wondered if you could dive through the open window before he could get to you. When he made a posturing move, brushing his unbuttoned plaid shirt away and revealing the gun he had strapped to his belt underneath - you realized he would shoot you if you moved too quickly. 

You were stuck. 

“Of course it’s me, baby.” He said, casually replying to your earlier words. “You had to know that I did all this for you. For us.” 

Giving into your fate, you propped yourself against the side of the car - trying desperately to steady your wobbling legs without making it look like you were doing so. You tapped your cigarette, spilling some of the ash before you brought it to your lips once again. 

“I missed you like hell.” He told you with a snakeskin grin. 

“I didn’t miss you.” You bitterly fired back. “Not for a fucking second.” 

“Guess I made it difficult to miss me, huh?” He said, cocky as ever. “With my frequent correspondence and all?” 

“You know what I meant.” You fired back.

You glared at him sharply but didn’t say anything more, afraid that he would whip the gun out and shoot you. 

He sucked in a breath through his teeth, something that sounded utterly sarcastic. 

“Ooh, darlin’ that’s harsh.” He said. “That would almost hurt. If I didn’t know the truth.” 

You wanted to argue. You took in another large drag to help hold your tongue. You knew the results of arguing with him - it wasn’t worth it. 

“So… I think you know how this goes.” He announced. “You can come with me now. Or… I can go get another girl.” 

“No more girls.” You told him. “I’m here now. You won. Whatever business you have - it’s with me.” 

You stamped out your cigarette as you walked toward him, and your phone began to ring on the front seat as his truck rumbled to life and pulled out of the parking lot. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 7:26PM.

“Hello! Everyone, listen up.” Hotch called everyone to attention as the local police continued to filter in, most of them standing around with cups of coffee in hand or notebooks out, ready to take notes. “We’re ready to give the profile.” 

“Yes, and please keep in mind that this is just a general set of guidelines describing the suspect.” Rossi said. “This is not a concrete list of things you should be looking for. A profile is more useful in the elimination of suspects, rather than the inclusion of them.” 

He then turned to Derek, who began reciting the profile that the team had put together so far. 

“This UnSub, or Unknown Subject, is most likely a white male in his thirties to forties.” Morgan explained. “He drives an American made vehicle, something large enough to conceal and transport victims, and something that has off-road capability in order to get to the more secluded areas where some of the bodies were found. So think trucks, heavy duty vans, anything with thick treads on the tires and a large payload. And his vehicle will most likely be in a more discreet color. This guy won’t be driving around in something flashy. He’ll be in something that blends into the background, like a beige or black truck.” 

“So what?” One of the local cops piped up. “We put out an APB for every single heavy duty black truck in the area? This is the south, do you have any idea how many people around here drive a truck? Especially ones driven by men in their forties.” 

“There’s more.” Hotch noted, looking toward you. 

“This UnSub likely believes that he is dating these women in some capacity before he kills them.” You explained. “He has left scraps of poetry at the scenes, pages of romance novels - several of the victims had wine in their stomachs or burns from candle wax on their skin. And it’s highly likely that he turns violent when the women reject his advances, or don’t live up to the fictionalized relationship he has made up about them in his mind.” 

“How does that help us?” Someone asked. 

“Well, it’s very likely that he frequents the same hunting grounds.” Rossi explained. “We encourage you to go to local bars, and nightclubs, even gyms or cafes and pass out the profile to women who fit this type.” He said, motioning toward the pictures of the other victims. “He will be on the hunt again soon, and he has a very narrow hunting ground, living in such a lowly populated area. So we might be able to catch him off guard if his potential victims have the profile as well.” 

“This man is romantic, but he’s not charming.” You added on. “He isn’t sociable. He’s very cocky, very self-centered. He believes that he is God’s gift to women, and he has a very fractured sense of reality in general. If women reject him in everyday interactions, he will get noticeably irritated, and even violent. So he will be remembered as an unpleasant person in most women’s stories.” 

“This UnSub most likely has an inside knowledge of law enforcement.” Reid stated. “But, because he has a very antisocial personality, he wouldn’t do well working with the public. We currently have our analyst combing through files of those who flunked out of the police academy or live in the area and are retired from the military in some capacity. We believe that he might have even been in prison for an unrelated crime or institutionalized at some point, giving him a close look at the inner workings of law enforcement, and also attributing to the large break between the first two crimes.” 

Reid took a breath, and then continued on. 

“He was knowledgeable enough to purposefully dump one of the bodies across state lines in order to get the FBI involved in this case, but it was just one of the bodies, and it was dumped in a very well trackied area where it would be found. So that leaves a heavy insistence that he was fed-up with the local police not giving his case enough attention or - simply not being smart enough to keep up with him.” He explained. 

“He is very cocky.” Prentiss added on. “Incredibly over-confident. He is a narcissist to his core, and he believes that he will never be caught unless he wants to be. He thinks that he has an intricate cat-and-mouse game with law enforcement, and he can go off the grid and disappear at any time that he wants.” 

“Well… isn’t that true?” One of the cops asked. “I mean, the guy’s been at it for years and we still haven’t caught him. There’s no DNA, no real leads.” 

Hotch hummed, nodding. And then he walked over to the evidence board and motioned to the pictures of the two most recent victims - barely recognizable compared to the shining, smiling photos their families had provided. 

“We believe that he’s decompensating.” Hotch explained. “He is growing more violent toward each victim, which means that he is getting more sloppy - eventually, he will go off-book. He will break his routine in some way, and that will be the moment he’ll give us something to catch him with.” 

“So… you’re just waiting for him to kill again so you can actually catch the guy?” Someone asked sharply. 

“No.” You easily replied. “We’re praying it doesn’t come to that.” 

“Thank you everyone.” Hotch said, clearing his throat, giving an unconscious signal for everyone to disperse. “That’ll be all for now.” 

Everyone easily fell under his authority, and meandered back to what they had been doing before, now armed with the profile and ready to distribute it to members of the public, to the potential victims. 

You had a harshly, sickly feeling in your stomach as you gathered some of your files. It was the same feeling that had been turning your guts into knots since you had arrived back in Madison for the first time in years. Your eye accidentally caught the evidence board - the tall, intimidating wall lined with the gruesome photos of all the women. 

Women who looked strangely like you. Same hair color, same skin tone, same body type. All of them horribly brutalized and left for dead. All of them terrorized, tortured right up until their last moments.  

“Hey.” 

JJ’s voice snapped you out of your swirling dark cloud of thoughts, drawing your eyes away from the evidence board with a gentle hand on your upper arm. You huffed out a harsh breath as you let her guide you, turning around to face the blonde woman as she stared you down with a distinct look of concern knit across her features. 

“Are you okay?” She asked. “I’ve never seen you like this.” 

She had a point. You had been doing this job for some time. You had gone to the FBI Academy straight out of college, after getting a degree in criminal forensics. And none of it ever bothered you. You had learned about the study of blood spatter and the decomposition of bodies on live body farms, and you never flinched. 

But this case - it was getting to you. 

It was likely the first time anybody on the team had ever seen you so disturbed. 

“I’m fine.” You lied, trying to shrug off her touch. 

“Come on.” JJ sighed in return. “I don’t need to be a profiler to figure out that was a big fat lie.” 

You rolled your eyes at this. 

“You’re so brilliant.” You let out a sigh of your own, and put down your files on the nearby conference room table. You stretched out your back, deciding that you would give her an inch, hoping that she wouldn’t take a mile. “I’m freaked out. So what? Doesn’t everybody have room for a bad day?” 

“Of course.” She nodded. “Of course, you can have a bad day.” Her lips pursed, and you knew there was more coming. “Is - is it anything more than that?” 

“I’m tired.” You lied again, hoping she wouldn’t call you out on it this time. “It’s been - what? More than twenty hours since we landed. For these guys it’s been years, searching for this bastard. I wanna catch him.” 

“We will.” JJ assured you, sounding rather dull in her declaration. 

“I’m gonna drive down the street and grab an energy drink or something.” You announced, grabbing your blazer off a nearby chair and putting it on. Not that you would need a jacket with the southern weather - but your cash and your keys were in the pockets. 

“I thought you quit Redbull.” She chuckled. 

“It’s been one of those days.” You replied, shaking your head as you walked out of the room. 

…

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 5:13PM.

“There’s still one thing that’s buggin’ the hell out of me.” Morgan announced as he walked back into the room with a fresh cup of coffee in hand. 

“That is?” You posed, looking up from the stack of personal files - potential suspects - that you were reading in order to engage him in the conversation. 

“What is with the two year hiatus from this guy?” He said, motioning to the board. 

The first victim had been abducted and killed all the way back in the summer of ‘99, but none of the other victims matched up until a missing person from September of 2001. And from there, the killings picked up in frequency - and the killer had taken over twenty six victims in and around Madison up until now. 

“It is weird.” You commented. “Usually after the first kill is when an UnSub is the most hungry for more. After that first taste for violence.” 

Morgan raised a brow at your strange choice of words and you shrugged it off. 

“Maybe he was hospitalized.” Reid said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere to make this comment, studying the board with his own intense expression. “Institutionalized? Maybe he was arrested for something completely unrelated, like - drugs, outstanding traffic violations?” 

“That’s helpful.” You sighed. 

“It could be.” Reid replied, sipping his own coffee. “I mean, we theorized that this UnSub has pre-existing knowledge of law enforcement - if he was in prison, maybe he was reading up on the law while he was in there? Who has closer knowledge of the law than ex-cons?” 

“Good point.” Morgan nodded. “I’ll call Garcia and have her widen the search.” 

“She is gonna love that.” You mumbled under your breath, already frustrated with the large pile of potential suspects you had to go through. 

Morgan took out his cell and walked into the other room, and you heard a distant ‘hey mama!’ as he chirped to Garcia on the other end. 

Then, you heard another voice that was all too familiar to you. 

“See, you’ve all just been working so hard, I thought you could use some sustenance!” 

It was your mother. 

You rushed out of your seat to find her in the middle of the bullpen, handing out muffins from a large basket that she had in her hand. 

It wasn’t entirely surprising to you, but it made your stomach sink. She was too much of a social butterfly for your liking. She knew about the last time you had been in this police station, she talked too much. No. You couldn’t risk her telling anyone. 

“See, that one’s blueberry, you like blueberry?” She was chatting idly, being her usual overly social self. 

“Yes, thank you so much Ms. L/N,” Prentiss smiled as your mother pushed more food into her hands. 

“Oh please, call me-” 

You knew that you must have looked like a storm, walking toward her with a scowl on your face. 

“Ma!” You barked, much harsher than you meant to, causing her to look up at you abruptly. “Ma? What are you doing here?” 

“Well see, you’ve been here all day, and you’ve been working so hard, so I made dinner for you and your friends,” She grinned, motioning toward a large tinfoil tray filled with mac and cheese that she had placed onto one of the desks next to a stack of paper plates and plastic forks. Naturally, a chunk of it was already missing. 

You wanted to scream when Reid walked over and began scooping out a portion for himself. 

“Ma, they’re not my friends, they’re my co-workers.” You said, exasperation ripe in your voice. 

You knew that this, too, ended up sounding much harsher than you had intended. As if you didn’t think of these people as friends. But you couldn’t stand the woman babying you. It’s not like she did much of that when you were an actual baby. 

“I’m an adult now, and-” You continued on, and she cut you off. 

“Oh yes, yes.” She nodded, reaching out to pinch your cheek in an utterly frustrating way. “Your co-workers.” 

“Please, Ma.” You sighed. “You can’t be here right now. This is a police station, not a bake sale.” 

“She can stay for a few minutes, can’t she?” Prentiss grinned, peeling the wrapper off her muffin. “We can take a break for dinner. I wanna hear some childhood stories about you.” 

Reid looked up eagerly at this, and you glared at both of them. 

“Oh, you should hear about the time she painted her face blue with the paint from-” Your mother began to tell a delightful embarrassing story, but you cut her off. 

“No.” You said sharply. “I’m sorry, but we have work to do. Important work. Once we actually catch the guy, I’ll bring everyone by the house for tea and cookies and you can show everyone my naked baby pictures, the whole nine yards. Just - not now.” 

You unceremoniously ripped the basket of muffins out of her hands and placed them on the desk beside the tray of mac and cheese, and she began to argue with you, calling you rude, telling you that she had raised you with better manners while you ushered her out the door. 

Prentiss and Reid exchanged a particular, concerned look as they watched you and your mother argue through the glass doors of the precinct. 

“Now what do you think that was all about?” Emily asked quietly. 

“For once, I have no idea.” Spencer mumbled in return. 

…

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Georgia Highway 72 - Madison, GA. 1:32PM.

“This is new.” Morgan noted as the two of you walked away from the SVU, approaching the dumpsite where the latest victim’s body had been found. “This guy doesn’t usually dump bodies out in the open. You think he was in a rush?” 

The two of you had been sent to check it out while Hotch and Prentiss spoke to the family, and the others went over evidence from the many pre-existing cases at the station. 

“Not likely.” You replied. “Preliminary report says there’s still no DNA, no skid marks from his tires, no shoe prints. He’s not getting sloppy.” You felt a sickly wave of vomit splash up as you looked at the woman - her ankles sticking out of the tall grass just off the edge of the highway, where she had been left, entirely visible for anybody passing by to see. “This was a present. Like a fuckin’ cat leaving a dead mouse on the porch. He wanted us to find her. And he wanted us to find her quickly.” 

“I’ll tell you one thing,” Morgan noted, tentatively stepping into the grass and gently moving the long spokes of greenery back to get a better look at the victim. “He’s definitely escalating.” 

You crouched down to get a better look yourself, and you had to agree. 

Her face was almost entirely caved in, but it appeared to be from a series of blunt hits, and not from a singular swing with a heavy object. Between the pre-mortem swelling and the post-mortem rage, where he had continued to mutilate her even after her death, she was practically unrecognizable from the photo that her family had provided you with. The only reason the team had been able to confirm her identity for sure was that she had been reported missing, and she had been found wearing a unique custom charm bracelet that her parents could confirm belonged to her. 

You wished that you could guarantee they would never see her body in this state. 

“What’s that?” Morgan wondered aloud. 

You hummed back in confusion. 

Before you could wonder any further about what he meant, he reached out and gently pried open the victim’s mouth, fishing out a small piece of plastic that he had seen sticking out from the corner of her swollen, bruised lips. He had to fight to get it out of her stiff, death rigored body, but when he was able to - a small plastic bag came out of her mouth. 

A small plastic bag containing a piece of white paper. 

“What the hell?” Morgan mumbled quietly. 

Naturally, he opened the bag and took out the paper, and you looked on with nervous curiosity as he read what was on the note. 

“You are the stars hidden by clouds.” He read aloud. “I know you’re there even when I can’t see you. Your shine peeks out and reaches me in the depths of my soul. Tell me your arms are long enough to reach me across oceans. Tell me someday we will be together, somehow, some way. Tell me that this love we have can survive being together as well as we’ve survived being apart. Tell me we are more than the chasm of our divide.” 

Bile splashed up in your throat. 

You hated that the quote was distinctly familiar to you. You hated how you knew it. 

You could still hear his voice in your head, and it made your bones quake. 

“Hmm.” Morgan looked over the paper thoughtfully. “It’s another page ripped out of a book. Just like the other one. I’ll call Garcia and have her look it up, maybe-” 

“You don’t have to.” You said, hoping that your throat wasn’t too painfully constricted around your words. “It’s Jacqueline Simon Gunn.” 

Morgan easily saw the haunted look behind your eyes - the years old terror that you were having a much harder time suppressing now. 

Oddly enough, it was a feeling that he knew well. Perhaps that’s why he saw it in you so easily. 

“You alright?” He bothered to ask, even though he knew the answer was ‘no’. 

“I’m fine.” You lied. “We should bring this back to everyone else.” 

You rushed away from the crime scene like a bat out of hell, and even though he knew he should have pressed further - he let you. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 10:08AM.

“Good morning, y’all.” 

The BAU was greeted by Chief Dalton, the Madison County Chief of Police, as you all filed into the small police department. 

“You can set up in the conference room over there, I hope we got y’all everything you need.” He said, flashing a warm, welcoming smile. 

“This looks fine, thank you.” JJ said, reaching out to shake his hand. “I’m Special Agent Jennifer Jareau, this is Doctor Spencer Reid,” She pointed to him, and he nodded in return - of course, rather than shaking hands. “This is Special Agent Emily Prentiss, Agent Rossi, and Agent L/N. Our Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner and Special Agent Morgan will be here later - they wanted to go and interview some of the families of the victims, get some more background information.” 

“L/N?” He motioned toward you, his eyes becoming fixated on you as you set down your bag and lifted one of the lids off the boxes to get a glance at some of the files. “That name sounds awful familiar to me - are you from Madison?” 

“Oh yes, I am,” You grinned at him, stepping forward and giving him a handshake, to which he grinned back widely. “I grew up here. This is actually my first time back in years.” 

“Well, welcome home.” He said. “I wish it was under better circumstances.” 

“Me too.” You easily agreed. 

You thought that would be the end of it, until: 

“You know I hardly recognized you. Such a pretty face, but the last time I saw you, you was beat to a darn pulp.” He remarked, giving a pained chuckle. 

Your stomach swelled with anxiety, and it felt like a pure balloon of concrete sitting inside of you. You felt all the eyes in the room on you - Rossi, JJ, Emily, Spencer - all of them staring you down as this man aired your dirty laundry like it was as casual as the weather report. 

“You came through here - what was it, the summer of ‘99? I’ll never forget that assault report. I’m surprised you can still see out of that right eye of yours, with the way-” 

“Coffee?” You cut him off when you managed to find your voice, rushing to change the subject and praying he would get the hint. “Where can I get a coffee around here? Long flight. And we’ve had an early morning. Long flight, going over the case.” 

You didn’t even realize you were tripping over your own words, repeating yourself in a rush to fill the air so he wouldn’t speak about the past anymore. 

“Oh, it’s right through there. In the break room.” He said, motioning vaguely behind him. 

“Would you mind showing me, please?” 

You knew it was cowardly, but you were now desperate to escape your colleagues, and wanted to drag the Chief away before he spilled anything else from his loose lips. 

He escorted you out of the room and it was only a mere moment before conversation ensued about the strange thing that had just happened. 

“Am I gonna be the first person to say ‘what the hell’?” Rossi asked, looking around to his teammates, who all had equally shocked and confused expressions. 

“It’s a small town. These people don’t exactly understand secrecy. Or tact.” JJ sighed. 

“Yeah, but why would Y/N keep that a secret from us?” Spencer asked, frowning. “If she was assaulted-” 

“Yeah, in the summer of ‘99.” Emily pressed. “That was a long time ago. Have you told everyone on the team every little detail about your life from ten years ago?” 

“Eight years.” Spencer easily corrected her. 

“Whatever.” Emily rolled her eyes. “We’re not here to profile her. We’re here to catch another scumbag and leave.” 

There seemed to be a resounding nod at this.

“If she wants to tell us about what happened, she will.” Rossi added on.  

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Outskirts of Madison - Madison, GA. 9:52AM.

“There’s my beautiful girl.” 

He had a perfect view of you through the scope of his gun. 

Of course, he would never hurt you. There was no bullet in that gun that was intended for you. This was just the perfect way to see you. Up close and personal. Just the way he liked it. 

This was the first time he had seen you in so long. You wore your makeup differently now - your hair was a bit different. But you were still his girl. 

“You’re gonna love the present I left for ya.” 

You spoke his language - violence. 

You wrote your life in blood, just like he did. 

You were perfect. His perfect girl. 

…

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. Inside the BAU Jet - Somewhere Above America. 7:12AM.

“So, the ME dates eight of these victims from within the last year alone?” Prentiss questioned, looking over some of the files on the table in front of her. 

“Well, it’s difficult to tell with the soil erosion and the heavy rain that the area had recently, but they are significantly less decomposed than the others.” JJ explained. 

“What I don’t understand,” Morgan noted. “Why would he give up his gig now? I mean, twenty four victims in a mass grave in the middle of the woods, and he leaves a twenty-fifth victim in the middle of the road, clearly intending for police to find it. With a damn note attached, giving up the exact coordinates of his mass dumpsite. Why?”

“It is strange.” Reid agreed. “Typically, whenever killers have contact with the police, it is to taunt them for their inability to get caught, believing that the police are stupid and they as killers are invincible.” He said. Naturally, this rolled into a rant as more facts came to mind about the subject. 

“Serial killer Dennis Rader, also known as the BTK killer, standing for Blind, Torture, Kill - he taunted police with letters over a period of three decades, between 1974 and 1991, each one that he sent to the local police simply saying ‘good luck hunting’.” Reid explained. “Occasionally, he would send them graphic descriptions of how he had posed the bodies at each crime scene. And he was only caught when a floppy disc he sent to a local television station was traced back to a computer that he had used at his church.” 

Reid laughed at this revelation, finding it amusing. With all eyes staring at him, he reached the realization that this wasn’t helpful to the case at hand - and then he easily clammed up. 

“So, this UnSub gives up the dumpsite because… he’s feeling remorseful? He wants to get caught?” Rossi theorized. 

“The level of violence across these recent victims has no indication of remorse.” You replied. “One of the bodies found at the dumpsite was missing over half her teeth, and had all ten of her fingers broken in multiple places. Seemingly pre-mortem.” 

There was a heavy silence at this. 

“Perhaps he’s feeling ignored,” Hotch posed. “He feels like his crimes aren’t being well covered by the media and he wants glory. He finally wants recognition for what he’s done.” 

“Well, wouldn’t he have sent some kind of manifesto or another letter to the police?” Morgan posed. “And it seems like the guy went through a whole lot of trouble for a long time, trying not to get caught. He buried them out in the woods, secluded. Wrapped them in plastic, scrubbed the bodies clean so there’s absolutely no DNA. Doesn’t seem like someone looking for glory to me.”  

“Not to mention that he wrote the coordinates for the dumpsite on the back of a page ripped out of a novel.” Rossi said, squinting down at one of the files - a close up forensic photo that had been sent over by the local police department. 

Prentiss held out her hand, and Rossi handed over the photo, and then she began reading the words off the page aloud. 

“-I wish, as well as everybody else, to be perfectly happy, but-” 

“-but, like everybody else, it must be in my own way.” You finished the quote before she could, the words flashing through your mind with a sickly twist in your gut. It was all too familiar to you, in the worst way. “It’s Sense and Sensibility. Jane Austin.” 

Everyone fixated on you with a strange gaze, wondering how you knew this off the top of your head. Especially when usually this would only be something that Reid would be able to recite so perfectly by heart. 

“Maybe he thinks that he’s romancing these women?” Prentiss theorized, trying to move on from the strange moment. 

“That’s plausible.” Hotch agreed. “When we land, Morgan and I will go interview some of the families. JJ, get us their contacts. I want to know if any of these women had problems with an ex boyfriend or even a bad date whom they rejected. It could be someone they once viewed as a potential romantic partner that went horribly wrong.” 

JJ nodded at this, going to look through her files for the information. 

“This level of torture - it’s likely a substitute for sexual gratification.” Morgan theorized, looking at the crime scene photos one again. “Maybe he is romancing these women, but in his mind, this is the ultimate form of romance? Having all of his conquests together in death - it’s a declaration of what a casanova he is. In his fractured world.” 

“It still doesn’t explain why he gave up the dumpsite to the police.” Prentiss argued. 

“Men like to brag about their sexual exploits.” Rossi said, nodding toward Morgan. “If these women are his conquests, in his mind, then he wants his manliness, his accomplishments, to be appreciated by other men.” 

Prentiss sharply rolled her eyes at this. 

“Well, at least we know our UnSub’s not a woman.” She remarked sharply. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. BAU Offices (FBI Headquarters) - Quantico, Virginia. 6:15AM.

JJ stood at the front of the room, ready to present the newest case to everyone. 

“Last night, a body was discovered on the backroads of South Carolina, about five miles outside of the town of Delph. She was found naked, mutilated. Heavy bruising all over her body that insinuates the killer kept her and tortured her for days. Final cause of death appears to be blunt force trauma from multiple hits to the head, but she also had several shallow stab wounds across her body, seemingly from some kind of hunting knife with a rough blade.” 

JJ explained, beginning to present the case as she clicked the small remote, causing images of the crime scene to pop up on the large screen in the room. 

“The victim - now identified as Ashley Prembrooke, hadn’t even been reported missing. She left her parents house in Madison, Georgia, about three days ago to drive back to her dorm at the University of South Carolina. When she didn’t show up on time, her roommate assumed that she was staying at home for a few extra days. Her father has cancer, so she wanted to be there for him.” 

There seemed to be a particularly dark aura in the room at this news. 

“Did the killer know that she wouldn’t be reported missing, or did he just snatch her up by chance?” Morgan asked. 

“Her car was found abandoned at a rest stop a few miles from the border of Georgia.” JJ explained. “So… it seems to be random.” 

“Well, I hate to ask this,” Rossi said. “But why are we being called out for just one body?” 

“That’s the thing.” JJ sighed. 

She clicked the clicker again, and several close-up photos appeared. Photos of the victim’s mutilated body - among the harsh bruising on her torso, there was a piece of white paper, partially stained with blood. It had been folded and stapled into her flesh. 

“The victim was found with this page… stapled into her skin.” JJ said, clearly finding the words disturbing to speak aloud. “Written on the back, was a set of coordinates. Local police discovered that these coordinates lead to a random patch of woods, about ten miles outside of Madison, Georgia.” 

JJ queued more pictures onto the screen. It was those very woods - overturned dirt. And more than a dozen bodies, wrapped in plastic among the soil. 

“It was the site of a mass grave with twenty-four other victims - all women around the same age, with the most recent ones all having the same body type, the same hair color, same general makeup as Ashley Prembrooke.” 

“He has a type.” Hotch stated the obvious. 

“And for some reason, he tipped the police off to his hiding place.” JJ reminded them all. 

“Twenty four victims?” Prentiss questioned, clearly shocked by this number. 

“That’s what they’ve found so far. The decomposition on some of the bodies seems to go back as far as a decade, but it’s difficult to date them exactly.” JJ replied. 

“So… the guy is experienced, hasn’t been caught in years, and he hands over his honey pot to the cops? Is he trying to get caught? Is he feeling guilty?” Rossi posed. 

“No, not with that level of violence. There’s no remorse there.” Morgan replied. 

“He dumped Ashley Prembrooke over state lines. We could be looking at somebody with an incredibly wide hunting ground who gave up one of many dumpsites as a way to taunt police.” Hotch theorized. 

“That doesn’t seem to be the case.” JJ explained. “So far, eight of the most recent victims have been matched up with missing persons reports, all of them women from Madison. All within the last year alone. It seems like he targeted Ashley because she was from Madison - that’s his comfort zone.” 

When the pictures of the missing women - now confirmed dead, murdered violently, popped up on screen, your throat tightened. 

You had known at least two of them. You had gone to school with them. You had seen them cheer proudly at high school pep rallies - you had known them lively and bright. And now they were bones rotting in the soil, taken by some monster. 

Beyond that, there was an alarming trend. 

They looked like you. You couldn’t deny that. Same hair color, same body type, same skin tone. 

And they were from your hometown. 

Between this, and the letter, the morning was getting to be too much for you. You wanted to believe it was all a series of terrible coincidences, but… 

Looking across the roundtable at you, Reid was the only one who saw that sickly look come over your face. He was desperate to know what was troubling you. 

“Reid?” Hotch got his attention, finding it strange that the overly talkative man was quiet this morning. “You’ll work the geographical profile?” 

“Yes.” Reid nodded, finally taking his eyes off you. “It’s unusual for the killer to hunt wider than a five hundred mile radius from home. So it’s likely that he lives, works, and operates all within Madison.” 

“Good. We could be looking at a copy-cat who knew about the previous killer’s dumpsite, or… something else entirely. But we need to get on the ground there and find out.” Hotch said. “Wheels up in thirty.” 

Everyone dispersed from the table when Hotch finalized with this, and you found yourself much dizzier than you realized as you tried to stand. As everyone moved to their desks to gather their things, you moved to the counter to get a coffee - hoping to calm your nerves. 

“Y/N.” 

You nearly jumped out of your skin when Reid’s voice came from behind you - your own blood was pumping in your ears, and seemingly, he had snuck up behind you. But his usually quiet footsteps simply couldn’t be heard beyond the nagging thump of your own anxiety. 

“What?” You barked back, knowing it was far too harsh. 

“Are - are you alright?” He asked, hesitant to bother you with the question. 

“I’m fine.” You lied as you dumped the sugar packets into your cup, your shaking hands accidentally spilling some across the counter top. 

“Are you sure?” Reid pressed. 

You let out a heavy sigh and turned to face him, crossing your arms heavily over your chest. 

“What?” You said the word again, sternly, glaring at him. 

All he did was give you a soft, understanding expression in return. 

You hated it. 

You hated how he was so open - it was almost horrifying, how you could have easily told him what was bothering you. 

Sweet, accepting, understanding Reid. 

If you told him the truth, he probably would have told you some statistic that he found comforting. It would have been sweet, coming from him. But then, he would have been looking at you with those eyes all damn day, holding pity in his heart and not truly focusing on the work that needed to get done. 

“Can you look at the shit we see every single day and always be okay with it?” 

You easily made up an excuse, pretending you were rattled by the crime scene photos, even though this murder was no more graphic in nature than any other you had been subjected to seeing recently. 

“I’m human. So what?” 

Reid studied your face carefully. He saw guilt dancing in your eyes - the way you gently bit your lip was your tell for lying, that much he knew from playing many rounds of poker with you on the plane rides home. 

But he felt that simply nagging you more wouldn’t get the truth out of you. Not right now. 

“Okay.” He acquiesced. “I know it’s hard. If you ever need someone to talk to-” 

You stormed off, accidentally slamming into his shoulder on the way along in your haste to escape the conversion. Reid heavily eyed the cup of coffee that you had left cooling on the counter before he turned and left himself. 

… 

Wednesday, August 15th, 2007. BAU Offices (FBI Headquarters) - Quantico, Virginia. 6:04AM.

You walked into the bullpen with your bag on your arm, sipping a strong coffee in a travel mug you had brought from home. 

“You look tired.” Emily commented as you walked over to your desk. “Late night?” 

You moaned in reply, not yet ready to let go of nursing your coffee mug, taking a few more long gulps as you took the strap of your bag off your shoulder and slung it into your chair. 

“Last night, the fire alarm in my building went off at 3am.” You told her, finally surrendering the mug and putting it down on your desk. “I was out of bed in a panic, barely awake, went into the hallway to evacuate - and the sprinklers had gone off. So I ended up standing outside for more than an hour in my little jammies, soaking wet, and it turns out - some teenager from the third floor pulled the alarm because he was having an argument with his mom. He didn’t want to go to summer school.” 

“Yikes.” Derek commented. “Well, you know, if you ever need a calm, cozy place to sleep, you can always give me a call. And you can bring your little jammies.” He told you with a wink. You rolled your eyes, knowing that flirting was his default. “As long as you don’t mind Clooney licking at your toes in the mornin’.” 

That almost made it sound more appealing. You did love that dog. 

“You know, a study was done at the University of New Hampshire that concluded that twenty to thirty minute windows of sleep actually optimize the human brain for functionality the most.” Spencer added on, leaning back in his chair at his desk as he explained this. 

“The schedule of a ten to twelve hour work day, followed by an eight hour sleep period has only been instituted in society as a commonality since the industrial revolution. And it doesn’t actually flow with how the human brain has been optimized by evolution. Before that, most people optimized their lives around a wake-sleep period of three to four hours, taking care of chores in the morning, participating in a midday nap, and then socializing in the evening and partaking in community events before sleeping again in the evening. And most communities functioned around people sleeping and waking at vastly different times rather than everyone having one collective morning routine.” He concluded, giving you a smile. 

You found his rambling fascinating, but you found it ironic that you could barely process half of what he had said - because you were too tired. 

“Well, unfortunately we can’t all live in villages and pick berries for a living.” Emily remarked with a yawn. 

The conversation shifted when Penelope walked in, and gave you a bright smile. 

“Good morning, pretty girl.” She greeted you. 

“Mornin’, Penny G.” You replied.

“This arrived on the mailcart for you, postmarked from a few days ago, stamped express. I figured you’d want to have eyes on it as soon as possible.” She told you, handing you a very average looking white envelope. 

You weren’t sure why, but it invoked a strange feeling in your gut. 

The moment that you saw the handwriting on your front - the script that made up your name. 

The way he had written it. 

Bile rose up in your throat, and you forced yourself to swallow it back down. All eyes in the room immediately knew that something was wrong. 

“What is it?” Emily asked. 

“Nothing.” You quickly replied. 

You didn’t even want to open it, but bitter curiosity was eating at you. 

How the hell had he found your work address? He knew where you worked now? 

“I’m gonna - bathroom.” You mumbled an excuse as you rushed back out of the room again, practically fleeing toward the bathroom, leaving all eyes on your shadow. 

In particular, Spencer’s eyes followed you hard as you retreated. He wondered how a simple letter could upset you so much. 

You secluded yourself safely in a locked stall, your heart thumping in your chest as you began to tear into the letter. The envelope turned to sinew in your hands with your anxious inability to open it properly. In a few moments, you pulled out the piece of paper with a shaking hand, and dropped the shredded envelope onto the floor. 

You barely managed to read its contents through tearful eyes. 

Lover, 

Fate has sent us on such different paths, but I will be with you again soon. 

I still miss you every single day. I remember your smell. 

I know none of the men you have spent your recent years with can measure up to me, which is why I have set you on the path back to me. 

“I wish, as well as everybody else, to be perfectly happy; but like everybody else, it must be in my own way.” 

-Daniel 

Your chest caved in when you realized that there was something taped to the corner of the page. 

You recognized the piece of dark cloth in an instant. 

It was from that night. He had kept it. 

You couldn’t keep the bile down that time. You turned to the toilet and puked up a horrible swirl of black coffee and half a toaster waffle that you had scarfed down while getting dressed for work. 

When you had just barely caught your breath, you heard the door to the bathroom creak open. 

“Y/N?” Emily called out your name. “Are you in here?” 

You didn’t answer. 

Instead, you heaved a large glob of putrid spit into the toilet and wiped your mouth with the back of your hand. 

“Are you okay?” She asked, her voice now coming from right outside the stall you were in. 

“I’m fine.” You handed out that lie, not knowing how many times in the next day you were going to be saying it. 

“You don’t sound fine.” Emily told you. “I thought I heard you throwing up.” 

“Bad sushi.” You lied. “Stopped by the corner store on my way home. You know I never cook. Food poisoning is usually 50/50 with that kind of shit. Just another thing to add to my great night, right?” 

You let out a sour, sarcastic chuckle, but Emily didn’t follow suit. 

You knew that you would have to face her sooner or later, so you wiped your mouth again and then turned and unlocked the stall door. 

“I’ll be fine.” You told her, throwing her a very fake smile. 

“Yeah.” She said, tone flat, entirely disbelieving. “Would it have anything to do with that?” 

She motioned to the letter, which you had almost forgotten was crumbled up in your fist. 

“Can I see?” 

You didn’t even consider how suspicious it would be, but as her hand moved toward the paper, you ripped it up and tossed it into the toilet, grabbing the envelope up off the floor and tossing it into the mess of paper and vomit as well before you flushed it all down. 

“It’s nothing.” You grunted out, another very poor lie coming from your lips as you exited the stall and moved toward the sinks. “It’s garbage.” 

You turned on the tap and leaned down, taking in a mouthful of water to rinse out your mouth while she watched you with careful, piercing eyes. 

“It’s kind of pathetic that you’re trying so hard to bullshit me.” Emily remarked. “Not just because we’re both profilers, but because it’s so painfully obvious that something is wrong.” 

You swirled the water around your mouth, rinsing it out, and then spit into the sink before you turned the tap off. When you rose up to your full height, you caught Emily’s eye in the mirror - pitying. You hated it. 

It was that kind of pity that held you back from telling her the truth. 

She reached over to the dispenser and got you some of the paper towel, handing it to you as she spoke again. 

“You know you can tell me what’s bothering you, right?” She said, reaching up to put a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

There was a small, quiet moment - the words edged on your tongue. 

You truly considered just coming out with it. 

But then- 

A harsh knock on the door cut through the silence. 

“Y/N? Em?” JJ poked her head in through the door, clearly looking for the two of you. When she spotted you, she continued on. “I need everybody at the roundtable in five.” 

“Let’s get going.” You said, wiping your mouth and then crumpling the paper towel to toss it into the garbage can. 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Madison Police Department - Madison, GA. 1:45AM.

Reid stormed in, capturing everyone’s attention. 

After being given a shoebox full of strange letters by your mother, he had finally pieced it together. He finally realized the secret you had been hiding - the thing that put you right in this killer’s crosshairs. 

“Guys, I think we got the profile all wrong.” He announced, a look of worry knit into his features. “And - if I’m right, then I think I know where she is.” 

He motioned to something in his hands - it was a worn-out old shoebox, something that made everyone curious and confused. 

“What the hell is that?” Prentiss asked. 

“Come on.” Reid ushered everyone into the conference room, and once the whole team was gathered, he shut the door. 

He opened the box and spilled it into the middle of the table, revealing a flood of hand-written letters. JJ stood back in shock, Hotch observed carefully and silently as usual, and Rossi, Morgan, and Prentiss began to pick through them while Reid explained his revelation. 

“Y/N’s mother gave me these.” He explained. “All of them are addressed to Y/N, and from what I can see, they’re pretty much weekly, and they go back as far as 1999.” 

“When the first murder occurred.” Morgan easily pieced the two things together. 

“Not only that,” Reid added on. “The first murder took place in August of ‘99.” He said, pointing to the picture of the first known victim on the evidence board. “And I think the first letter, or one of the earliest, is from July of ‘99. At least.” 

“So - so she was having correspondence with the killer?” JJ questioned. “What? Was he in prison? Are you saying that Y/N is involved with this in some way?” 

“No-” Reid rushed to correct this assumption, and Morgan cut him off. 

“She was at Quantico when the latest victims were killed. Even if the guy has a partner, I really don’t take her as bein’ responsible for this.” He said. 

“Plus, these don’t exactly read as love letters.” Pretniss pointed out, her expression growing disturbed as she read what the killer had written from the letter in her hands. 

“-every day I dream of you, my love. I remember the way you felt underneath me - clawing for your life, desperate. I remember the way you screamed. Tasting your blood for the first time made me feel alive again. I hope the bruises meant as much to you as they did to me.” 

“The use of ‘I’ language denotes self importance - the author has a natural narcissistic personality disorder, but he pretends that it’s a fulfilling two-way relationship, when naturally it’s a fixation on someone who could never truly live up to his fantasies.” Reid explained. 

The room fell silent as the reality of it hit everyone. You were the target of someone truly dangerous. Someone who was going to kill you when you didn’t perform the fantasy that he had in mind for you. 

“She was being stalked.” Reid declared quietly, sounding defeated. “She still is.” 

“These killings aren’t someone having separate, individual fantasized relationships with each victim; this is about the killer repeating the same relationship over and over again, performing the same ritual killing in order to relive the same fantasy over again, projecting it onto different women of the same type.” Hotch said, coming to the realization as he stared at the different victims photos on the evidence board with a firm look on his face. “He’s been in love with the same woman in his mind for years, but nobody can live up to the real thing. That’s why he gave up the dump site. Because he wanted to lure her here. He wanted the FBI here, because he wanted to get L/N here.” 

“Okay, but the bigger question is: why L/N? What was the incident that got him fixated on her in the first place?” Rossi questioned, asking what was on everyone’s mind. 

JJ’s face was struck with horrible realization, and she ran to the door, ripping it open. She screamed the Chief’s name at the top of her lungs until she got the man’s attention, looking entirely crazed to everyone else in the station. Naturally, she didn’t care. He bustled over, scurrying toward her urgent voice, spilling coffee on himself in the process. 

“Chief.” JJ breathed out. “You said that Y/N came through the station, and she was beaten up the last time you saw her - when was that?” 

“Oh, I dunno?” He creased his brows with concentration, trying to remember. “About ‘98? ‘99?” 

“Did she file a report about the incident?” JJ asked. 

“Yeah.” The Chief replied. “It was a break-in. Poor thing. Summer vacation, her mother wasn’t home, off with the church on a retreat hittin’ the bingo halls up in Texas. She said that she never saw the attacker, though. He was wearin’ a ski-mask.” 

There was a silent exchange among the group that said they knew the truth - you had seen the attacker, you knew him. It’s why you had gone with him willingly this time. But you hadn’t told the police the truth back then because you had been too scared. 

“Can you get me that report?” JJ asked. 

After too many anxious minutes, the Chief came back with an old file in hand, and JJ snatched it out of his hands with a mumbled thank you before she shut the door in his face once again. She placed it down on the table among the mess of letters, and flipped it open. 

“Oh my god.” Emily gasped when she saw the photos inside. 

There was a spread of old polaroid photos, pinned to the sides of the file. They were almost too graphic for the team to look at - one showing the damage to your face; both of your eyes bruised, one of them entirely swollen shut. Scratches, deep gashes, harsh bruising all over your body. You were wearing a dark cotton tee shirt with patches ripped out of it - as if someone had been clawing at you and nearly ripped the clothing off your body to keep you from getting away. 

“This wasn’t a burglary.” Derek mumbled, frowning as he picked up one of the photos and inspected it closer. 

“Get Garcia on the line,” Hotch told JJ. 

She dialed the tech’s number on the conference hub, having to unbury the small bit of technology from some papers before she did it. It rang for a few moments before the woman on the other end picked up. 

“Where’s our girl?” Garcia asked anxiously, talking about you. “Is there any news? You’re calling because there’s good news, right?” 

“Babygirl,” Derek called out, trying to get her to focus, but she trampled right past this and continued to ramble on. 

“Please don’t tell me she’s dead!” Garcia shrieked on the other end. “Cause I can’t keep losing people! And I know it’s selfish to say that I can’t lose her, but she’s one of my best friends, and I’m gonna be a mess! And she promised to be the maid of honor and my wedding, and I know I’m not even engaged, and I don’t even have a boyfriend, but I need to have her around for big milestones in my life like that, she’s like the best person I know, and-” 

“Garcia, we need you.” Hotch told her firmly, cutting off her emotional ranting. 

“Right.” The tech replied, sucking in sharply, trying to catch her breath. There was some scraping in the background - the wheels of her chair on the floor as she scooted her chair into her desk. “What do you need? I’m here.” 

“I need you to look up reports of rape in and around Madison County between 1991 and 1999.” Hotch told her. 

“Rape?” Garcia replied, seemingly shocked by the topic and how it might relate to the case at hand - how it might relate to you. 

“Come on, babygirl.” Derek encouraged her. “Work your magic.” 

“Yeah. I got it.” She said hesitantly, and then there was the clacking of her keyboard as she worked. 

“Oh. Ugh.” 

“What is it?” Rossi was the first to ask. 

“There’s over five hundred cases.” Penelope told them, clearly disgusted by this number. 

“Can you narrow it down to women in their twenties? With similarities to the victims who have been targeted by the killer. Same hair type, same race, same body type.” Hotch told her. 

“Turning on the creep filter.” Garcia said, using her usual sense of humor that she turned on to shield herself. “That leaves us with… about twenty cases.” 

“Were any of them prosecuted?” Hotch asked. 

“Two of them.” Penelope replied. “A couple of sorority sisters from the University of Georgia were held at gunpoint and raped by a pizzaman in ‘95. He went to trial, got ten years. And he was paroled for good behavior in 2003. Yikes.” Emily rolled her eyes in agreement with his comment. “And shortly after his parole, he crashed his car into a tree in a drunk driving incident. Looks like he’s probably not your guy.” 

“What about the other eighteen cases?” Reid asked. 

“Um… no.” Garcia replied. “None of them went to court. A lot of these say that the victims were attacked by a stranger… that he broke in through the back door. Hold on.” 

“What?” Derek prompted her. 

“There is one here. Terry Driver. She said that she was raped, and she identified her rapist as someone she knew - Daniel Matthews. But he was never arrested because his brother gave him an ability for the night of the incident.” Garcia explained. 

“I bet that one was air-tight.” Rossi scoffed. 

“What type of injuries did the victims have?” Hotch asked. 

“Um… nothing major.” Penelope replied. Hotch frowned. “A black eye… a few scratches.” She hesitated. “Ligature marks… from being tied to their beds. God. That sounds like the most horrible night of your life, doesn’t it?” 

Hotch shook his head, sweeping a tense hand over his face. “He doesn’t fit the profile.” 

“Wait.” Reid swallowed thickly, staring at the photos of you that were sitting in the middle of the table. 

Battered. Bruised. Broken. 

“Some of the letters refer to him having an awakening. ‘An awakening in my soul. A bond through blood.’” He explained, naturally reciting the words from memory after having only read them once. 

“She fought back hard.” He held up one of the photos - one of your arm, showing deep, bloody scratches. Defensive wounds. “She found back so hard - he must have liked it. It-” 

“It gave him a taste for violence.” Prentiss finished off the thought, fear written all over her face. “She - she was the one who made him realize that he could use violence to replace sex completely. So he switched from rape to murder.” She came to the shocking realization aloud, her eyes flickering from the photo of you to all the photos scattered across the evidence board - all the victims he had practiced on in the wake of you. 

“Oh - oh my god.” Penelope gasped, having heard all of this over the intercom. “He’s gonna kill her? He’s gonna kill Y/N?” 

“Garcia, What can you get me on Matthews?” Hotch asked. 

“Um, right - Daniel Matthews…” There was more clacking of keys, and then Penelope replied. “He grew up in Madison. Looks like he went to the same high school as Y/N. He used to play football. He has a juvenile record for… vandalism, underage drinking. The usual. Oh…” 

“Oh?” JJ wondered aloud. 

“He had a very brief stint in the FBI Academy. He was kicked out 2001 when he was accused of sexually harassing fellow female applicants, and he was flagged on the psych eval as having a possible narcissistic personality disorder.” Garcia explained. 

“Bingo.” Rossi sighed. “That’s our UnSub.” 

“Oh my god. The hiatus.” Morgan said, his eyes fixated on the evidence board now. “‘99 was the year he attacked Y/N, when he first got a taste for it… and then… he followed her to the Academy?”

“And he resumed the killings when he got kicked out.” Rossi picked up on the thought. “When he couldn’t be in close contact with her anymore… he couldn’t get a high off of retraumatizing her, reliving that night in his mind, he needed to relive it through the other victims.” 

It all fit together now. 

It was a horrible puzzle, but it all fit together around you. 

“Reid, you said you might know where he took her?” Pretniss said, turning back to the very tired looking genius. 

“Yes,” Reid shoved aside the file with the graphic photos of you, and went shuffling through the letters for something. When he found it, he handed it over to Prentiss. “A lot of the earliest dated letters make reference to ‘our special place’. Or-” 

“-the bed I first made love to you in.” Prentiss read it off the page, clearly holding back vomit. 

JJ grabbed up the file with the report about the break-in, shoving aside the photos, looking for an address. “It’s here. I’ve got it.” 

“Okay, I want squad cars, tactical swat, I want spike strips on every road in or out of that place. I need everyone mobile in ten minutes.” Hotch ordered sharply, causing everyone to jump into action. 

…

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Abandoned Country House - Madison, GA. 2:20AM.

It should have felt like a victory to hold a knife to the throat of your rapist - someone who had been taunting you for years after the incident. 

But somehow, you still felt small. You still felt so chaotic and out of control. 

Both your hands shook vigorously as you struggled with the warring inside of you, as you struggled with the weight of confronting your life’s biggest monster. 

In the back of your mind, you were aware of the guns pointed at you. You would have liked to believe that because Emily was your friend - she wouldn’t shoot you. 

Part of you thought it would be worth it. To kill this man and take a bullet in the process. 

You just hoped that she would aim to wound and not to kill. 

“Put the knife down!” Emily ordered, her voice sounding muffled in your ears as blood thumped hard through you. “Come on, put it down.” 

“Reid-!” 

You heard his name being called out, and you saw a figure moving from the corner of your eye, but all you could focus on was the blade in your hand. The sight of a thick, unmarked neck, ripe for the taking in front of you. The idea that all you had to do was press down and slice through flesh - and then, this would all be over. 

No more torment. No more letters. No more taunting. 

“Y/N,” 

His soothing voice spoke your name, and you held a sob inside of your chest. 

You had grown so much of a life beyond this. Beyond him. He had tried to ruin you, he had tried to keep you in some little cage in some shitty town, and you had outgrown him. You had friends. You had people who loved you. 

But you still couldn’t escape him. 

“You don’t have to do this.” 

Your hand shook as you held the knife. 

“I have to.” You replied, unable to hold back your sobs. You barely noticed the tears coming out of your eyes - barely able to identify why your vision was blurring, why your face was suddenly wet. 

“You don’t have to.” Reid told you, his voice calming, gentle. “You - you can give me the knife, and then we can just… walk away. And then it all ends.” 

“It won’t just end!” You screamed out, your voice a curtling weep that bounced off the walls. 

If you let Daniel walk away from this, he would come for you again. He would. 

Or he would keep killing other women in your place. And you couldn’t let that happen. 

You couldn’t let your cowardice be the reason that so many women had died. You should have killed him the first time he had ever touched you. You should have been brave enough then. 

“It can end.” Reid assured you calmly. “You just have to come with me. You just have to put the knife down and-” 

It just sounded like noises in your ears at that point. 

Spencer just didn’t understand. 

“I have to make it stop!” You screamed, urgent to make him truly hear you. “I killed those women. I killed them!” 

“Prentiss!” A voice called her name, but it was so distant in your ears. 

“Just give him a minute!” Prentiss fired back. 

“He killed them because of me!” You shouted, cutting him off. “We both know it’s my fault.” 

“It’s not.” Reid choked out. “Please don’t say that.” 

There was a gutting silence. 

“Please, just give me the knife.” 

You couldn’t give up. 

You had come too far to let Daniel win now. 

“It was my fault. I know what happened. If I had just been a good little girl… if I had just laid there and taken it… it’s all my fault.” You quietly wept, your arms still shaking - muscles ripe with hesitation as you struggled with your grip on the knife. “I have to be the one to make it stop.” 

By violence it was done, and by violence it would be undone. 

You could be brave enough this time. You could be the one to end it. 

“No, no you don’t.” Reid told you. “You don’t have to do it alone. We can make it stop together. Just give me the knife. Please.” 

You had been alone your whole life. What was one more thing? 

Just press down. Something in your mind screamed. Slice his throat. End it. 

“Please, just look at me.” Spencer begged, his voice growing more desperate. “Please.” 

You didn’t look up at him. 

You knew that you couldn’t. 

If you took one look at those soft, pitying eyes, then the tiny bit of bravery you had gathered up would crack away. 

“Y/N, please.” Spencer continued. “I know why you think you have to do this. I know that his face is the one that’s been in all your nightmares since that night. I - I know you were all alone then, on the night that happened. You must have felt so alone.” 

You let out another sob at this. 

You had been so alone. 

“But you’re not alone now. You’re not alone now, okay?” 

Spencer’s gentle voice delivering the words made them feel so true. 

“We’re here with you now. I’m here with you. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t have to fight by yourself anymore. You don’t have to be strong.” 

You heard a crack in his voice for the first time - his own tears. 

It wasn’t pity. 

It was genuine sadness for you, as he thought about what had happened to you. What had happened in this very bedroom all those years ago. 

“Spencer-” You choked out his name, and your body betrayed you. 

You finally collapsed, your hand dropping the knife, and Spencer reached out and grabbed you as you fell, helping to move your shuddering form away from the unconscious, horrible man as the others finally moved in. 

You heard more voices, more shouting - maybe Hotch giving orders. 

But all you felt was Spencer’s arms around you, creating a shield as he rubbed your back and gently hushed you, letting you sob as loudly as you needed to, giving you a kind of comfort that you had never felt on that horrible night. 

… 

Thursday, August 16th, 2007. Madison Police Department, Interrogation Room #1 - Madison, GA. 3:39AM.

The chilled air of the interrogation room only made the regret of it all more palpable in your lungs. 

Maybe Reid had saved you from yourself, or maybe he had caused you to make the biggest mistake of your life. 

You should have killed Daniel. 

You hated it, but you had to wonder what you would have done if you had ten more minutes. Ten more minutes before they had arrived, sirens screeching, lights flashing. Your mind kept replaying the moments over and over again. The knife had felt so perfect in your hand. You should have sliced his throat. 

Ten more minutes. 

The hum of the fluorescents overhead made you feel like a bug about to be zapped - like your entire life was over and you would be resigned to a cage. 

Daniel had been hauled away in an ambulance. He had been entirely unmoving. In ‘critical condition’. They would likely charge you with manslaughter if he didn’t recover - it wasn’t likely that he would. You had overheard Prentiss remark on the irony that he was an organ donor. Because you had beaten him so badly, but not killed him, it was likely that his comatose state would lead to his organs being donated, and saving more lives. 

It could be viewed as a beautiful thing. 

But you had to wonder if the poison he had in his veins was contagious. Should the heart of a killer really live on inside someone else’s body? 

“Let’s start with this,” Reid asked you sharply. “Why?” 

Truthfully, you couldn’t give him that answer. You didn’t think you would ever have enough time to conjure it up within yourself. 

“You’re the genius profiler, Doctor Reid.” You fired back coldly. “You tell me.” 

You let out another puff of your cigarette, and he frowned at you. 

“No.” He said. “No more bullshit. No more games.” 

You definitely were not used to this version of Reid. 

You were surprised that it had taken you almost killing someone to bring out his cold side. But you supposed that everyone had a line. And you had crossed his. 

“Why didn’t you tell us you had been raped?” He asked. “Why didn’t you tell us that the rapist lived in your hometown and was a viable suspect in all of this? Why didn’t you tell us that the letter you received the other morning was just one of many your rapist sent you over the years, stalking you, obsessing over you after-?” 

“Why?” You said, your voice scraping against the word harshly as you tossed it back at him, cutting off his ranting. 

He gave you an impatient expression as it hung in the air - eyes wide, pursing his lips. 

It caused you to flare with anger. 

You let the cigarette burn down to a hot cherry between your fingers, the harsh sting against your skin being the only thing keeping you from lunging across the table and strangling him. 

You stubbed it out in the ashtray before you answered him. 

“Why didn’t I want to suddenly announce to a group of my intellectual peers that I was raped?” You echoed back, more tears gathering in the corners of your eyes - you knew that you must have looked quite crazed, especially when Hotch stiffened, and Reid’s expression dropped. “You know, when I first came to the BAU, it was the only time in my life that I wasn’t viewed as a victim.” 

“Y/N-” Spencer said your name in that gentle tone again, but you weren’t having it this time. 

“My dad left us when I was only a year old. And everybody viewed my Mama as this fucking martyr because she raised me by herself. ‘Oh poor girl. She doesn’t have a daddy. Poor little girl, all alone. Her mama does such a good job.’” You said, ranting in a crazed tone. But the floodgates had opened, and you couldn’t stop it. “Nobody wanted to talk about how my Mama was off half the time, drinking at bars, out partying with friends. She got pregnant at sixteen and she didn't want to stop having a life. God forbid I get in the way of that. I took care of my damn self! I raised myself!” 

You knew you were screaming, but you couldn’t stop it. 

“L/N-” Hotch tried speaking to you in a firmer voice. 

But you couldn’t stop. 

“Daniel only broke into the house that night because he knew I would be alone.” Your voice warbled harshly on the word, and you hated it. 

You hated the look that Reid and Hotch were giving you. 

Pity. 

That look you had been trying to avoid for so long. 

“When I came here that night and made the police report, they all knew I was bullshiting. They knew that it wasn’t a fucking burglary.” You pressed on. “But none of them said anything! They didn’t care.” 

There was a tense moment. You swallowed thickly around your own tears, holding back sobs once again. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Spencer tried again, seeming to be personally stuck on this point. “I asked you if something was wrong. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“That look in your eye.” You told him, entirely honest. “That look you have right now. I - I couldn’t stand the idea of you looking at me like that forever.” 

“Daniel approached you in the parking lot of the corner store.” Hotch stated calmly. “Why did you go with him willingly? Did he have a gun on you?” 

“He had a gun.” You told him. “He did have it pointed at me. But - I didn’t have mine. I didn’t like the odds.” 

Hotch nodded at this. 

“I didn’t want him to take another girl.” You added on. “I knew they were replacements. At that point, I realized what it was. I figured nobody else should have to die because of my mistake.” 

“Mistake?” Spencer echoed back quietly. 

“Not killing him the first time.” You said, knowing this was likely a bit too honest. “I should have killed him the first time he ever put his hands on me. I should have. I wanted him dead.” 

Tears leaked hot from your eyes at this, and Spencer’s eyes grew glassy - he blinked back his own. 

“You wanted him dead, but… did you want to kill him?” Hotch posed. 

“I don’t know.”

...

“That is how heavy a secret can become. It can make blood flow easier than ink.”

-Patrick Rothfuss

...

A/N: This is a oneshot, meant to function as an episode of Criminal Minds, so please respect it as such. Please do not ask for a sequel or a continuation, because there will not be one. If you are going to comment about the work, please comment about the body of what has been written. I highly appreciate reblogs and comments if you enjoyed it, and if you want to see more of what I have written for Criminal Minds, definitely check out my Criminal Minds masterlist.

[ithisatanytime]

Astra King - Make Me Cry (Official Video)

 i just woke up and went to talk to my sister, and both my mom and sister were talking about races and how bad it can be with black on white violence etc. and i was telling them how i am worried genuinely about black people and how i feel like jews have put their asses in danger and they dont even know it. my sister was telling me about how she feels like as a woman its hard to even offer a solution because even something like segregation what about the one good nonviolent black guy it hurts, and i related it to the trolly problem and how it wasnt a real moral dillema that passivity is a choice, the fact that there has to be a trolly and a junction box and all this razzle dazzle to distract you from the fact that passivity is in itself a choice proves my point, but then she told me she thought the trolly problem was just people being like is it better to kill one person or three, and i was like thats not the trolly problem, and then she was like i swear to god thats what people argue about with the trolley problem, and i was like woah dont swear to god, i believe you! i believe you! but thats not the trolly problem and then she was like “why are you bringing religion into this!?” and i was like ���WHAT!?” and she was still going so i just left. she takes offense to everything i say, first of all i bring religion with me where ever i go because im a fucking christian, and second she brought it into it by swearing to god. by far its the stupidest fight ive ever had, its just silly, i had no animosity or ill will towards her whatsover, its a goddamn thought exercise. ‘

 truth is two years ago she did the mental math and decided friendship with me isnt worht it anymore and has spent the entire time justifying it to herself, this is what all women do “last year when you said X” thats where this comes from, you said some shit too bitch i just got over it because forgiveness is a christian virtue. i still forgive her stupid ass even though she DOES hate me. god tried to tell me, he tells me again and again. the worst thing is shes not christian, if i werent christian she wouldnt be, having a younger sister as a man without parents is the fucking worst, because they will just straight jack your entire swag like they didnt even do anything and our mom was too self centered to recognize that for the danger that it is, no you are not an alt right lesbian, you are a POOR jacob but you make a fine... shit i cant remember her name now, i want to say it starts with N, but she makes a fine whatever she is, she should just be that.

[kyufiber-moved]

part 3 i promise this one’s more interesting

[i-cant-sing]

In RE 8, imagine all the stress and mental breakdowns teen reader has and her hair just turns… white. I heard that stress can turn one’s hair white and I randomly had that thought

Poor reader, imagine the many of times she was almost shot by the Hound Wolf squad cuz her hair be blending in with the snow and Chris nearly has a heart attack everytime he hears her yelp or whenever Handsome protects reader by taking a bullet or 2

Soldier 1: *is looking through the scope and sees something white and moving from the distance, assumes it’s a Lycan or a rabbit* firing *a loud shot rings out*

(Y/N): *almost gets hit if the bullet didn’t hit a tree next to her and just about at her breaking point* I JUST WANNA FIND MY DAD AND SISTER AND GO HOOOOOME!!! *Handsome gets in the way as he takes a bullet to the shoulder while patting reader’s head*

Chris: CEASE FIRE- (Y/N)?! That you?

(Y/N): *THIS 👌🏽 close to breaking down and got better jokes then Ethan* No, it’s your daughter! 🥲

And Chris probably does know sarcasm but chooses to ignore it and scoops reader in his arms while wrapping his jacket around her cuz it looks warm enough

Oh you mean that when squad looks through their binoculars, they see this person climbing up into Dimitrescu's castle:

Poor reader is getting shot at by the squad, chased down by monsters, Heisenberg's being a dick, Rose has apparently been chopped up into pieces and Duke was all out of twinkies😭😭😭

And as much as reader tries to put on a brave face, hell she's quaking in her boots. Drowning in anxiety, ready to breakdown any moment, forced to take a shit in the snow while Handsome stood guard because she can't even catch a break from dying then either.

"Handsome, look away." You said, squatting down in the bushes, ready to take a piss after you felt like your bladder was gonna burst. It was already hard peeing in the snow, but with someone standing there- yeah, not an easy job. You're about to relieve yourself when a bullet fires right past your ear. You don't even have time to react before Handsome tackles you down, covering your body with his as bullets are fired.

That's when you finally begin screaming.

Your scream is what makes Chris tell his guys to cease fire. He's wondering if it's you when suddenly you appear out of the bushes, Handsome carrying you over his shoulder while you scream profanities at whoever shot at you.

"Whoever fucking fired at me, while i was going, YOUR MOM'S A HOE AND YOU BETTER FUCKING PRAY TO GOD THAT I DONT FIND YOU OR I WILL BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS!" And Handsome just pats your head to calm you down.

Handsome probably takes her to a nearby abandoned house, and while reader is busy in the bathroom, our cyborg takes care of all the monsters and soldats outside🥰🥰🥰

[alreadyblondenow]

Hold it all together

“Hey uhm what do you think about me being your sister’s boyfriend?”

Pairing: Johnny x female!reader, childhood best friends to lovers

Genre: SMUT, FLUFF

WC: 1,970k

Warnings: mentions of exchanging nudes, a lot kissing, unorotected sex, mentions of condoms, its just soft sex guys hahha mentiins of dreamies being the reader’s brothers.

A/N: NOT PROOFREAD. I’ll fix it once I have time. To the

Happy, excited, and sleepless. Today is the first day of Johnny’s spring break and he has been waiting for this day, the moment freshman year started... because this is the only time he can go home and finally see you again.

Johnny has been your childhood best friend and you two are basically inseparable. Well, except when he needed to leave for college. Of course you’re devastated the whole summer just before Johnny leaves. And it was that season, you both admitted your feelings for each other. Feelings that has been bottled up for too long finally and suddenly bursted out during a friendly kiss that turned into a passionate one which led to a slow and intimate sex the night before he left.

It has been almost half a year when that fateful night happened, but everything feels so fresh for him still. After what happened between you and Johnny, your relationship with each other did not progressed to something even more serious. Although you exchange nudes from time to time, FaceTime until the morning and say ‘i miss you’ to each other together with other sweet words.

And that is why Johnny is driving his way home to you with a bouquet of flowers on the front seat of his car, fighting through his sleepiness and keeping himself awake until he reaches your house to surprise you.

When he finally arrived first thing in the morning, he met your mom first and told you that he’s here to surprise you. “She’s still sleeping, but you can wake her up if you want to. She misses you so bad,” your mom said to Johnny. He then made this way to your room with the flowers in his hand and entered quietly, careful not to disturb your sleep. He placed the flowers on your bedside table near a photo he took for you and smiled in awe because you always cherish everything he gave you.

Feeling so sleepy and tired from the long drive, he removed his shoes and joined you under the covers. Slinging his arm around your waist and finally waking you up with soft kiss on your cheek. “I’m home,” he whispered softly. You rolled to face him, surprised but you’re both so sleepy to show it so you returned his hug and hugged him tightly. The moment you laid eyes on him, his eyes were already closed, comfortable and more than happy that he can feel your presence.

And as you both sleep together in your small bed, well, small because Johnny is a big person, you bask in his warmth and meet him in your dreams. Not wasting any second without each other.

“You must be really tired” you said when he finally woke up, raking his soft hair away from his face.

He nodded and smiled at you. Finally. He thought. “What time is it?”

“Almost afternoon. But no one cares,” you said and came closer to him, finally kissing those lips you missed so much. He rolled on top of you, putting his whole weight on you while kissing you breathlessly on the lips, neck and chest. His hands were perfectly placed on your waist, his thumb is drawing small circles on your skin and as if he’s asking permission to lift your shirt and see you without your clothes on.

He pulled away to remove his thick hoodie and plain white shirt, leaving him only with his denim pants. You noticed his body changed a lot, sure the nude photos he sends were great and it makes you miss him more, but seeing Johnny again in between your legs without a shirt on and looking hot as fuck just makes you crave for him. “This is so much better than the photos you send me,”

He let out a satisfied smile and started to unbutton his denim pants and remove it in front of you. You on the other hand, removed your pajama and welcomed him in your arms again. Kissing him deeper than ever and making him touch your boobs and squeeze them, which makes you automatically part your lips and want for more.

“Have you been fucking different girls from different sororities?” You joked in between kissing him and palming his clothed cock.

“Wouldn’t even dare. How can I even think of fucking other girls, knowing that this pussy is waiting for me?” he knew you were only joking and put his thumb on your clothed pussy. Teasing you with the right amount of pressure, careful not to make you cum so early.

“How about you? Have you been seeing other guys?” you smiled and removed your shirt, throwing it somewhere and finally exposing yourself to him. He then kissed every inch of you, hands freely roam around your body, and even tickling you from time to time.

“How can I even try seeing other guys, when I already have who I want?”

You didn’t see but Johnny smiled because of your answer while he’s placing butterfly kisses all the way down your body. Kissing you lovingly and showing you how much he misses you.

After the innocent kisses, you feel him reach for your panties and hook his fingers on the garter, slowly pulling it down while he kisses your inner thighs. Preparing you to what comes next and spreading your legs a little too harsh than expected that you yelped and your body was dragged on the mattress.

“Oops. Sorry, got carried away,” he sweetly apologized to you, kissing you on the cheek before he proceeds again.

That sudden harsh movement was the real Johnny in bed. You’ve only had sex with him once, now is only the second time. But word is, Johnny fucks hard in bed. Everyone knows that because he slept with a handful of girls during high school and you’re just this supportive friend that listens to him talk about a great night or a great fuck the other night.

“Hey,” Johnny snapped his fingers and went on top of you again, intertwining his fingers with yours and kissing your knuckles before he makes you embrace him. “What’s the matter?”

“N-nothing. I’m just swimming in my thoughts. Uhm, what did you said again?”

“I asked if you want to use a condom”

“Uh. I don’t have one... do you-“

“Nope,” he said with a smirk. You suddenly remember that he loves fucking raw but what you don’t know is, you’re the first person he ever fucked raw. “Just tell me if it hurts. Again. Okay?”

He said, and you nod. Lining his cock on your entrance while he kisses your neck and kissing your boobs as he pushes in slowly. Tighter and tighter, your grip on his shoulders becomes. The familiar stretch of Johnny’s cock just makes your eyes shut and take him whole. Savouring every thrust he gives you, feeling every inch of cock inside you. It’s so big, you tell to yourself.

“Sorry, it’s bigger now because I’m so horny and I haven’t had sex since our last” he explained with ragged breaths near your ear.

“It’s okay,” is all you can manage to say.

He fucked you slow and deep or fast and sloppy. Either way it felt good and it surprised you how long you lasted this time.

Then suddenly he pulled away, spreading your legs wider as he changes his position. Having a better view of your bouncing boobs and fucked expression that never fails to turn him on. “Fuck Y/n,” he whined and reached for your boobs as he moves slower. Matching your moans and groans because he’s so close too. He then closes the space between you two and kissed you on the lips again like you’re about to disappear any second. Holding on to your body so tight that you’re sure it’s going to leave marks. Then suddenly your eyes rolled back and you’re breathing heavily and moaning a little too loud but no one will hear. Your orgasm completely washed you away and its all thanks to Johnny.

You smiled at him and reached for kisses to calm both of you down. “Was it a good one?” He was talking about the orgasm.

“The. Best.” You said in between kissing. “Did you come inside me?” He shook his head no. “Good. I’m not on the pill,”

“Kind of made a mess tho,” he looked to the direction of where he shoot his cum and it was on your lower abdomen and bed sheets. It was thick. His cum was so thick and many, that he was already embarrassed.

“Is it obvious that i missed you?” He asked. Kissing you on your forehead sincerely before he proceeds to clean his mess up.

“I think I need to shower,” you said.

“Okay, I’ll cover for you,”

While you were busy cleaning yourself, Johnny made himself decent again and decided to go downstairs to greet Mark and Jeno, your brothers. And eventually have breakfast with them.

“Hey uhm what do you think about me being your sister’s boyfriend?” He casually asked them and stuffed sausage in his mouth.

“Heck yeah that’s what I’m talking about man! Yo, just dont hurt her” Mark exclaimed in excitement thens suddenly turned serious.

“I won’t,” Johnny answered.

“And don’t make her miss you too much because you know we cant trust long distance relationship these days,” Jeno added.

Johnny agrees and said, “I will visit her every month”

“Don’t get her pregnant. I mean yet- get her pregnant when it’s the righ time- you get what i mean” Mark awkwardly added.

“O...kay. I’ll use condoms from now on. Anything else?”

“Dude just make her happy like you always do,”

“I will” Johnny said with a proud smile.

“Aren’t you boys should be cleaning the pool?” And the two boys immediately scrammed and quickly did their chores. Leaving you and Johnny in the kitchen with the food. Pinching Johnny’s cheek because now that you can see him clearly, you see a lot of changes.

“Only you can do that to me” he said then caught your hand and intertwined it with yours, he has become bold you notice. He pulled you closer to him while he finishes his juice, but the atmosphere is hetting a little stuffy and awkward so you tried having a conversation.

“Do you want to shower? I still have some of your clothes” you offered.

“Mhmm. Keep those, I have stuff in my car”

You nod and suddenly it was silent.

“Hey y/n, I was thinking of making it official between us. I mean if you want to. I just think that we’ve been flirting with each other for some time now and wed make a pretty good team,”

“ I thought you’d never ask. Took you longer than expected tho,” you put another sausage in his mouth ”The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is to love, and be loved in return.”

“Im just scared to fuck it up,” he sighed in relief “thank you for loving me back. I promise to take care of you 5000 more times than before”

“I’ll do the same... and wow you just asked me to be your girlfriend in the middle of our kitchen. How romantic.” He smiled handsomely then suddenly remembered one last thing.

“Oh by the way we uhm we need to start using condoms. I promised mark,”

“What-“

“I know right. Fucking you raw is good but your brother said to not get you pregnant”

“Ugh mark...” you moved your chair and hugged him tightly feeling him kiss the top of your head and cheek nonstop while you continue to eat.

The day may have started filthily, but it ended with a decently soft kiss on your temple from your best friend now boyfriend.

[finiffy]

Two bros chilling at a restraunt five feet apart-

"So what was your dad like?"

Draven tapped the table, inquiring about what words he would use to describe Benjamin Kondraki.

"My dad could be described in a... multitude of ways. I guess it always depended on what day you caught him."

"Seems right." Mikell leaned back in his chair. He was out of his tell-tale state of O5 and was able to relax and let his guard down... somewhat. Draven picked up, "So what about your dad?"

Mikell paused, "Adam? I don't inherently know. He was a tad bit distant, but I still have some fond memories of him?" Draven picked up one of the breadsticks off the table, "I remember when my dad used to spend quite a bit of time with us."

"...us?"

"Yeah." Draven bit into the breadstick, it had a garlic coating with butter and a hint of something else, basil maybe. It was dry so he couldn't tell, "Me and my mom."

"Mmh." Mikell couldn't put his hand on proper socializing in this exact moment, so he pulled his hand up and mimicked Draven's behavior. He tried to APPEAR normal, but it just seemed like hesitant, jarred movement in the form of copying. Draven was trained, not just by the Foundation but by his dad as well.

So of course, he noticed this.

"What was it like growing up with your family?"

Mikell's boot tapped on the concrete that nested under them. "Well, out on the ranch, dad was always working and apart from our tasks on the ranch, it was mostly just me 'n my siblings playing." Mikell desperately tried to hide his accent. Which he always sucked at, "A kid got hurt or scraped a knee and mom would holler for TJ to come help us. It was usually Jack getting hurt. He was a bit reckless sometimes but had a brain like none other."

Draven picked up a napkin, waiting for his food to arrive, "Thats interesting" He thought about how he recognized Jack, and his mind drifted back.

Mikell continued onward, "What about your family, kiddo?"

--------------------

Draven went a bit quiet.

"Well I... Have an aunt. Crazy aunt from Poland, rarely get to see her but Auntie Alicja used to send me gifts every birthday, guess that's good."

Mikell looked at him. "Ben's got a sister?"

"Yeah, she's his twin actually."

"Well I'll be damned, he never mentioned her."

Draven laughed a little, recalling more about his aunt to Mikell.

Things were quiet for a while, as Draven thought about what else to say. As he considered the few relatives he's met, Mikell asked a question that hit like a bullet.

"So, what's your mom like?"

A pause between them, as Draven tried to find the words. He opened his mouth a few times, catching himself on the words, like a fish unable to find water.

"We don't talk about mom. It's been a while, but I don't want to think about it and I know dad wouldn't want me to tell just anyone-"

"Shit, kid, I'm sorry-"

"It's okay, you didn't know, just don't ask again and... Don't pry. Please."

Mikell's curiosity was piqued however.

--------------------

He really did want to know Draven's family life, after all, Dr. Kondraki was a known person among the o5. Mainly for his reckless stunts like trying to ride 682 and somehow being successful. But Mikell has gone through many conversations where it just landed on the topic on his family and he just had to smile awkwardly and tentatively give as much as he was willing to give until the person would be satisfied with his answers.

So Mikell sucks up his burning questions and decides to ask a harmless question to the mft member. "So... How's family life like with Dr. Clef, 166, and 408?"

Okay maybe the question wasn't that harmless but Draven just snorted into his cup.

"How do I start?" Draven mused. "For starters, i dont catch any of Dad's latest adventure until Dr. Clef whispers them to me during dinner." He said, with a smile slowly inching onto his face as he remembers the many stories he never heard about his dad. 

Clef always exaggerates the details but it was funny hearing him with his best doctor voices. Right before his dad comes in and slaps Clef's mouth before dragging him off to somewhere else. 408 always made sure Draven knew the gossip, good butterflies.

"Oh?" Mikell asks, subconsciously leaning forward to hear what Draven is about to say. "Pray do tell these stories. No one's going to hear us."

Fanfic created with #FranticFanfic.