#my secret: i wait 1000 years to post things

[fisherindustries]

ALWAYS draw things in tux paint

[breathlesswordsbloodyknees]

On Maiar forms and "nullification"

Okay, I’m staying home to ease the stress of waiting for the result of Baby’s First HR Report and don’t want to think about it, so have some more meta. Expanding on these posts, part one and part two.

A deeper interpretation on this quote from Ósanwe-kenta, Vinyar Tengwar #39: “they(Maiar) became wedded to the forms of their evil deeds, and if these bodies were taken from them or destroyed, they were nullified until they had rebuilt a semblance of their former habitations.”

“they became wedded to the forms of their evil deeds": This, I kind of struggle with. I don't think it's a simple as they do evil deeds, they get stuck in their forms. But I also don't think it's as easy as they enjoy their form and their deeds so much that they're "wedded".  Some secret third thing. Interesting word choice there though. (sauron’s underlying “give me your troth" vibe every time he talks about the Rings echoes here imo but i have absolute brain rot about these two)

"and if these bodies were taken from them or destroyed" This for me is Jack Lowden Sauron in Forodwaith, the one that gets betrayed by Adar, kitten ears and all (I gotta find that tweet). He's literally at the height of his power (for that age, though Lowden Sauron plays it with a air of uncertainty, the shot of him taking a breath and looking up at the crown after he kneels) and he gets cast down from great heights. 

"they were nullified" I think you could take this a few different ways, but my theory is that Lowden Sauron's prideful evil overlord vibe is broken by his downfall and he slithers into the form of a low man. It's bed-rotting, really, wrapping yourself in a tattered blanket while you try to ignore the world and your mistakes. 

And there’s textual evidence for Sauron having repented after Morgoth’s fall. It’s referenced insubstantially in the Silmarillion, as a “some say�� type story. Sauron “repents in fear” “lingers on Middle-earth” “beginning with fair motives”.

This concept is expanded on and solidified more in Letter 131, where Tolkien is trying to get the SIlmarillion published alongside lotr. He more or less says because of Mairon’s origin, Maia of light and beauty and perfection, Sauron was capable of loving or understanding other individual beings. But this was “correspondingly weaker” than his evil schemes, becoming “the sole object of his will, and an end, the End, itself” (“I see the end, Celebrimbor. So clearly. I have seen it from the moment I awoke. But his end…It was different than mine.” he spits out like he’s willing it to be true)

“until they had rebuilt a semblance of their former habitations.” So in a less-than-forgiving-for-the-nuances view, it’s Tolkien saying they’re evil and they’re gonna keep being evil. Rebuilding his former habitations to me has been Sauron’s steps in S2. What he did to Celebrimor, to Mirdania. Manipulation, cold calculation, violence. All he's ever know under Morgoth, dominance and submission, unrelenting. Old habits die hard.

And what he did to Galadriel. I have a lot of thoughts on how the fight in the finale played out. She’s a formidable warrior, Commander of the Northern Armies, giving it her all, she’s skilled. But he’s an ancient spiritual being, having been awoken since before the breaking of the First Silence. He’s eerily silent, parrying her grunts of effort with ease, doing his sick moves with the crown. He's smooth glass on a lake, but he's having fun. At least until she rebukes him, “The door is shut.” 

Then, his composure slips. She has denied him. His blows are vicious now, personal. He’s exerting as much effort as she is. (he fucking growls I stgggg) He’s attacking now, not just playing around, culminating in a brute yell as he strikes for her neck. His expression when she cuts his cheekbone, rage has taken over. (You cut Mairon? You cut his perfect cheek? Stabbing for Galadriel! Blood bond for 1000 years!!) 

And the stabbing. (i’m still gnawing on every bit of that scene, it’s what finally made me pick up the show) The stalwart defiance bleeds from her face, her eyes flutter, then are drawn to the crown inside her. The moment stretches between them, the music goes quiet. She knows, has known, that he’s evil. She’s seen the bodies, has seen the ruin, has sworn her oath. She's no silly schoolgirl. But in all his overlording terror, she never really thought…never really thought deep down that he would hurt her, at least not like this. 

And from his face, searching her eyes almost frantically, neither did he. 

One more step away from Halbrand, from Mairon. One more step back to Sauron, to Gorthaur. 

But then he twists the crown (that shouldn’t be as hot to me as it is) and at her gasp, his eyes widen, he exhales. There’s a greedy glint of fascination in his eyes, a slight upturn of the lips. Almost like he’s lost himself in playing her pain "like a harp", exquisite beauty for him to revel in. This is it, for me. He’s rebuilding a semblance of his former habitations, he’s back on the path to evil. It's his "fine, make me your villain" moment. I'll be the monster you think I am. (i think we’ll see some straying though. a girl can hope)

[choccy-milky]

1. your fic is absolutely amazing. Have been bingeing it and I’m literally obsessed. The way you write just itches my brain in such a good way, literally cannot contain my love and appreciation for your work👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 cheers to you!!! Can’t wait to keep reading

2. As I was reading I found out you also deadass drawing the art to go w/ the fic?? Literally you’re living my dream 😭 plus your art is so so so well done!!!!! It’s added so much joy to my reading experience

Cannot wait to see what else you have in store!!’ Hope you have an amazing, AMAZING day, week, year, etc.!!!! 💞🙌🏻🫶🏻

OMG IM GONNA CRY 😭😭 BAHAHA U SENT THIS AT SUCH A CRAZY MOMENT cuz i just checked my ao3 comments and was down about a rude comment i got, and then i come to tumblr and like, a few mins later/literally AS i was venting about it, u send this BAHAHA your choccy senses were tingling. IM SO GLAD U LIKE IT THO AND THAT YOURE ENJOYING IT (and my drawings, even if youve defs seen spoilers by now BAHHA) hope u have a good day too, u defs brightened mine!! THANK UUUU💖💖💖

@kaviary-blog this looks so funny bc i censored u just to keep it (mostly) spoiler free BUT AW THANK U DAMN IM HONOURED THAT MY FANFIC WAS THE ONE TO MAKE YOU CRY?? IM SO HAPPY HOW INVESTED YOU ARE 😭😭💖💖 im also super happy with that chap and its so satisfying like you said to finally be able to tie of all those threads so IM GLAD IT WAS WORTH IT💖

@lovesicklovermia ONE DAY???? OMG. FIRST TWO DAYS NOW ONE?? ITS JUST GETTING SHORTER AND SHORTER. next thing i know someones gonna be like yeah so i took some highly experimental drug that lets me read at 1000% the pace of a normal person, and i finished ur fic in 2 hours 😍omg loved it!!!😍😍 BAHAHAHA but omg i totally see what u mean, they do HAHA. AND THANK U💖💖 IM GLAD UR LIKING IT💖

YEAH so in my fic fifth years are 16, and by the time things get....explicit....clora and seb are 17. im not against consuming media with teenagers depicted in sexual situations like euphoria or riverdale or w.e else bc i get that its fiction and these are just real things that happen so its fine to write about them, but their canonical ages of 15 was still too young for me and i wanted them to be 17 before it got the E rating (which is why clora and sebs birthdays end up being so close, bc i was RUSHING for them to turn 17 BAHAHHAA)

BAHAHA clora and seb secretly being together is like the most poorly kept secret in my fic, like im sure her parents technically KNOW, but due to old fashioned traditions and whatnot (and it being 1891) seb wants to be able to propose properly and with a proper ring, bc clive is intimidating and he doesnt wanna just be like "yeah so im dating your daughter and weve already fucked and i plan to marry her" LOOL he wants to do things properly and be with her with her dads permission(even tho its a bit late for that HAHA) BUT WE CAN JUST PRETEND. tldr its basically just out of some sense of chivalry on sebs side, a fear of her dad, and wanting to do things right LOL

ALSO WAIT OMG STOPPPPP I WAS LITERALLY JUST ABOUT TO POST THIS BUTI HAVE TO INCLUDE THIS NOW

YOU SAW MY POST AND IMMEDIATELY DREW THIS AS A RESPONSE WHILE IN CLASS?? BAHAHAHA IM ACTUALLY SO TOUCHED RN IM TEARING UP WTF THATS SO SWEET OF YOU WTFFFFFFFFF THANK YOU SO MUCH😭😭😭💖💖 (NOW PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS!!🤬🤬)

[gyllenhaalstories]

TOMMY CAHILL DRABBLE

trope: childhood friends to lovers

warnings: drinking, smoking, prison. no smut. 18+ NO MINORS.

word count: 1000

photo credit: iheartjake / divider credits: @/firefly-graphics

notes: thank you to @sizzlingcloudmentality for the spin the wheel activity and for encouraging me to post my results as actual little drabbles. 🥰 thank you for reading & REMEMBER TO REBLOG!

I was going to write this prompt whether the wheel wanted me to or not. Any version of friends to lovers screams Tommy to me. Years of secret pining, years of insatiable yearning, years of secret feelings. Years of listening to the same U2 song while thinking of each other!!! The song Tommy introduced you to, the song that might have started it all! You were both waiting to be picked up by your parents after school, Tommy was kicking rocks as far as he could and you were watching him while swaying your lunchbox around. Your respective fathers drove into the parking lot around the same time, windows rolled down, the same radio frequency playing the same song. "My dad likes this song a lot" little Tommy said. "My dad likes it too!" you answered before running to your parent's car as Tommy did the same.

You would start to hang out at recess. Tommy was full of energy, he had the best ideas for games. You liked hanging out with him so much. You liked to invite him for a snack after school when your parents let you. He felt more like home with you than with his own family. He had always lived in the shadows of his brother, Sam, except with you. He always wore a beanie on his head even when it was warm. He liked to eat popsicles all year long. He liked sour candies to the point he burnt his tongue with the citric acide. He brought his small collection of Hot Wheels cars to play with you on rainy days at school. You were the only person he invited for his birthday party year after year.

Year after year, Tommy and you were inseparable. Two peas in a pod that, as time passed, got into trouble all of your parents would disapprove of. Your family blamed Tommy for his bad influence, his family blamed him too. You were teenagers, you found new ways to hang out. You would go to the park in the evenings to share a conversation sitting on the swings. You would stay in the school yard to do homework, copying off each other to make up for your weaknesses. You would listen to him while he talked about his father, about his brother. He would listen to you too. You would share his walkman, alternating between who got the headphones to listen to songs you both enjoyed. It became more and more difficult to find time to hang out, you both tried. You tried so hard but it felt as though everything was pulling you apart.

Until you, inevitably, drifted. You focused on your life while Tommy struggled with his. He was getting into fights at school, he started smoking and drinking, he hung out with the wrong crowd. He was a fun and charming guy, everyone loved him. Everyone but his family apparently. It came to a point where you barely saw him at all, he got suspended from school and your parents disapproved of you talking to him even on the phone to catch up on shows you both watched on television or movies you were excited to see at the theatre. Until one day, Tommy disappeared from your life about as suddenly as he entered it. You continued with your projects and he continued with his bad ideas that eventually led him to jail.

When you found out about it, you visited him. It was only for about half an hour every month, but you visited him and it felt as though things had never changed between the two of you. You brought your new CD player, the security guards allowed you to let Tommy listen to a recent U2 album you knew he would love. You had pictures developed of your small adventures, of your apartment, of the snowmen you built after a storm. You visited him around Valentine's Day, the last Valentine's Day he spent in prison, and he had bribed a guard so they would buy you a rose at the florist in town. He gave you the rose in the visitor's room and it felt like the most romantic gesture in the world. You almost never missed a visit, if you did he would know about it in advance so he would not get sad. You were the highlight of the several months he spent in jail, the years he spent there until his sentence ended.

Things were not always easy. Tommy had a temper, he had a past with actions you did not always approve of. You had to fight with your family, with the Cahills too so they gave him time to start over. You faced every obstacle life threw his way. When the news broke that his brother was dead, Tommy and you went back to your elementary school. To hang out, to try and remember what it was like to be a kid when your biggest worry was to get as many candies as possible while trick or treating. You watched him as he kicked a rock across the parking lot. You handed him the other earbud connected to your MP3, it played this same song you both loved. Through the years, you guys had held hands and kissed. Silly hand holding all sticky and grimy from a crafts projects at school, silly pecks on the lips after eating cupcakes with too much frosting. Holding hands in high school when you needed support after receiving a disappointing grade. Kissing and laughing about how it was gross to do it with a friend after going for a swing at the park.

You had done all of that. But when he held your hand and when he kissed you that night, things changed for the better. It felt as though this kiss spoke for all of the years spent with or without each other, when you were so painfully in love that everyone around the two of you knew it except you.

[citrus-cactus]

Citrus' Art Summary 2024!

I made my own template this year, based on filling in all the squares of a 5x7 grid. Not sure I recommend this method; it was difficult to both place pieces in roughly chronological order and make the layout varied & interesting, and I feel like the final result is too easily divisible into (uneven) quadrants, which I wanted to avoid. Ah well, maybe I'll think up a better system next year! :)

This is a bit of an odd year for an art summary, because while I created something every month and I'm legitimately proud of SO MANY of these, I kind of... stopped publishing my art to the Internet in the latter part of the year. There are various reasons for this. I'm not sure all of them are good, especially given the above statement about being proud of everything I made on the whole. But I'll talk about that beneath the cut, since that's where I usually ruminate about the year. There are also links to full pieces (where they exist) at the very end.

***

First, the positive! I branched out a lot this year (or at least... continued the trends that were starting to form in 2023). I did a lot of uh... darker/more serious art? Which I have enjoyed immensely, though I know it can be a bit of a tone whiplash compared to most of my finished art from past years. I love cute, happy things!! But I have these other dimensions that have long been in need of exercising. My favorite thing that I did is probably the first Bad End Takuma piece from January, which was for Survive Week. I just... really love how it came together. It surprised me every step of the way, and it was full of happy accidents (despite the subject matter! Lol). I still look at it and am like "wow! I made that!!" But I really like October's piece too. It's an illustration for a fanfic I'm (still) working on, and it gives me emotions. Justice for minor characters. Justice for minor characters for 1000 years!!! XD

Besides fanart, I made some other things! I published a secret fanfic (it's absolutely not hard to find if you're willing to do a little searching, but there's no way I'm going to link to it ever! Sorryyyyy! :3). I spent two weeks in Iceland, and somehow that inspired a fair bit of artistic endeavors XD September shows a small sample of a digital collage that includes several photos my spouse and I took (as well as some other stuff. The full piece partially communicates my somewhat-cynical thoughts about being a tourist in Iceland). November shows a drawing from an 8-page zine about hiking the Laugavegur Trail, which was an amazing experience! I also cross-stitched a Christmas ornament for a family member this month! None of these were intended for an Internet audience, but they were all fun and somewhat different to do!

So... yeah, the whole "not sharing art" thing. It started because I was... kind of frustrated with how few notes I felt I was getting compared to how hard I felt I had worked on some of these pieces? Which is... I mean, I know it's silly. More effort =/= more notes, especially since I'm focusing my creative efforts on such tiny little niches of the Digimon fandom (sadly, Appmon and Digimon Survive are just not that popular, especially compared to Adventure!), so any "engagement" on that art is going to be low, because the audience is just not that large to begin with. Plus, activity on Tumblr just seems to be tailing off in general. And I GET that numbers on posts shouldn't matter. I really, super-duper get that! But when something you worked really hard on and are excited to see people respond to only gets a handful of notes... well, it does kind of sting a bit, or makes me feel like I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up about it being received well. And then I end up waiting with baited breath for the usernames associate I with the fandom to react to it. If I don't see them in my notes, does it mean they hate it? Or did they just miss it? It's not something I have any control over, so why does it matter to me?

And it's NOT to say I don't appreciate the notes and comments I DO get. I appreciate them so much!! I just hate knowing that my worth as an artist has become tangled up in this notice-me-senpai attitude I seem to have created for myself. I hate caring about numbers (I know I should not care about them!), and I hate how much I seem to care about numbers. Posting used to bring joy, but now it brings... I don't know, anxiety and entitlement mixed with disappointment, I guess? So I decided to remove it from of my art process. I took a purposeful hiatus from The Numbers and caring about who sees my art to really just create for myself, for the first time in many years... and overall, I think it was a healthy way to hit "reset" on myself and my ego's ravenous desires.

But now... well, I don't exactly know to proceed.

There are things I do want to post, that I want other people to see! But the situation on Tumblr and on the Internet at large really isn't any different, and I'm not sure it's different in my brain, either. Can I continue to not care about The Numbers if I put them back in my life? I hope so, but I'm not certain. On top of that, I'm doing a lot of of art for a different fandom, and I'm still unpacking... well, let's call it what it is: a seemingly unending supply of middle school shame that I feel about Liking This Thing Too Much, which (apparently) never really went away. Yikes! This is a "me" problem, it has ALWAYS been a "me" problem. So that's a fun feeling to have (...not :/). Plus it's just... idk, different fandom, different people, different opinions flying around, I've been away from it for so long, do I really belong here?? But of course I do (even when I feel like I'm being so incredibly cringe... looking at you, August). I bring my own unique viewpoints to all the fandoms that I'm a part of (as does everyone!), and by sharing our ideas and stories and passions, we create our own community and extend the lives of the things we love. I do want to continue to be a part of that, but getting back on that horse is hard for me right now! I took a posting hiatus for health, but it also made me that much more shy. I have been thinking about my Return to Posting Art for months at this point, which again feels silly, because it's so easy to hit "post" on one of the many things I have saved up. I probably will go back to it... I'm just not exactly sure when. Maybe when I have something Digimon-related to share. Digimon is comfortable and safe. It's the only fandom I've felt like I really belong in. Sharing anything else feels... too personal somehow, and also too unknown. All of these have been thorny problems to grapple with, and I'm still working my way through them, carefully and slowly.

So yeah. Phew! If you made it through all that existential angst, you deserve a medal! But I can't give you one, so here are those links to the full pieces that I promised:

JANUARY: Bad End Takuma #1 ("Cooperation")

FEBRUARY: Survive Week Day 5 ("Villains")

MARCH: Dark Ages Gargirls

APRIL: HaruShinkai-Daily 4th Anniversary/100 Follower omake

MAY: Bad End Takuma #2 ("Darkness & Loss")

JUNE: Happy Birthday, Haru! (2024)

JULY: OC drawn on iPad

OCTOBER: “True” fanfic illustration

[andrealambertfritz]

The State of my Unions

I rediscovered Tumblr. Switched over to Bluesky. I feel like a social media refugee. I feel bad for the real refugees in Los Angeles. It seems like the city is burning to the ground. I’m really worried about my bestie. She sounded panicked when we talked last night.

As far as things go, I’m fine. Missing my new husband terribly. I can’t wait for him to move in here, Only three more weeks. This bed and end tables gets switched out for his larger set, which I am all for. My previous domestic partner died on this bed. It’s just too sad. A fresh start is a good thing.

My father wrote us up a dream lease, at least I say this without having seen it yet. Casey, bless him, will be paying 90% of the house expenses with his larger income and I will be taking care of food and tradwife stuff. That sounds quite agreeable. I don’t mind being a housewife at all. I do that anyway, because I like living in a clean house. Eating decent food

The words are coming easier now. She was right, Jami Attenberg's 1000 Words of Summer. This is a good exercise. 200 words without really thinking about it. Of course I am all hopped up of Cold Brew from Casey’s forgotten appliance. That is may secret summer survival tool. I forgot how caffeinated this stuff was, also. Two pint glasses and I’m ready to write the great American novel spew. It feels good.

Now I’m a forth of the way through. A good feeling. There is a lot of history I have with Tumblr. I am happy to see familiar faces there, as well as on Bluesky as people flee Threads. Some are staying, like I thought I’d stay at Twitter/X. I haven’t posted anything but cross promotion there is what feels like years. At least a year. 

Time moves differently now. Faster. It’s 2025 and I’m throwing away cans of food in my pantry that expired in 2019. Trying to get the place cleaned out for Casey. I love him. I love him so much. We want to get old and grey together and I am all about it. I pamper him because he is such a jewel. I made him an apple pie the other day. It’s still siting in the fridge, looking lovely. Should be delicious. He loves my cooking. He’s so nonjudgemental and loving. He’s the one.

415 words. Anything else? It’s two am. Suddenly there are so many more interesting things to do then play video games. It feels like coming alive. I could really use a bath, a nice morning soak. But I’m flying on caffeine and don’t really want to sit still for that long. At lest my hair is okay. Doesn’t need to be washed. I cut my bangs a lot shorter. They look a lot better.

I cut my own hair, I’ve been doing it that way for years. Since I moved to Reno and stopped spending a fortune on my hair and nails. The right thing to do.

Sure, the high life with Larry was nice, but I love Casey so much more. He is so much better in so many ways that I feel like we can really be happy together into old age. I am actually excited about spending the rest of my life with him.

I’ve had many lovers, paramours, wives, booty calls, but Casey is my special loving husband with the same value structure I have. That means the world. I am so happy about him moving in at the end of the month.

Today the cleaners comes and do a deep cleaning on the place. I am so glad. I am so very thankful to my parents for paying for this. I should be awake. I have to be awake, actually. I will have to find various strategies for rooms to hide out in. As the weather is chilly. Near freezing, lately.

I take out my meta glasses. Ask them the forecast. It’s 29 degrees right now. Below freezing. I wonder if it snowed tonight. I got a warning on my phone that it might. 

For some reason my glasses will only play podcasts. I fiddle with them until my Spotify Upbeat Mix comes on. Lady Gaga, Born this Way. The morning seems even more sparkling now. Music is everything.

The changes in Meta’s policies as they try to appeal to the upcoming Trump regime are disturbing. I have no stomach for bullying. As they are explicitly targeting LGBTQIA and mentally ill people, I am going elsewhere digitally for a while.

I can’t afford to leave Reno, Nevada. My psychiatric medication, my wonderful house, my five cats. My new husband. Everything is wonderful except Los Angeles is on fire and the incoming. regime I strongly disagree with. 

Hopefully I can fly under the radar. Keep my head down. Survive.

Yes, I am a bisexual woman who chose to marry a man after two wives did not work out. He’s not my beard, although he has a nice dark beard. We met on OK Cupid. It was all over once I’d read his profile and we started talking. I cleared my schedule till our first date and put on my Bettie Page heels.

I’m listening to Todrick Hall, a regular on Ru aul’s Drag Race. He makes amazing dance music. Casey said I listed to gay club music and he was not wrong. Broadway musicals, Lana Del Rey and remixes they might put on at the Abbey on underwear night. 

Discovering Violet Chachki’s musical output was a revelation. Dominatrix disco.

Since The Vivienne passed, I’ve been watching that All Stars All legends Season. Drag perfection. The Viv turns amazing looks. She looks so radiant and animated on television, it’s hard to accept that she’s gone.

Death, aging, time, change. I have no solution for my fleeting middle age, except don’t stop. Don’t stop writing. Creating. I need it more than ever now.

[yuukei-yikes]

You make me want to rewatch the anime...wonder if i can force my husband to watch it with me(he showed me it but it was like...highschool its been sooo long)

Since everyone has autism/hj? Do u have any headcanons for special interests?

I FUCKING LOVE THIS ASK also husband?? HUH?? KAGEFANS ARE MARRIED ALREADY??? huh...well...kagepro IS 12 years old HUH...HAHAHA *holds head* (happy late kageversary, btw)

everyone is autistic. yeah.

ayano's is 1000% all the superhero shit. comicbooks. i like to think of her as a huge spiderman fan. i think she'd love the guy. BUT YEAH comicbooks, superhero franchises in general lol

kido's is music! i imagine them as the kind of person who basically studies a whole album when it comes out LMAO i also think theyre the kind to be embarrassed abt talking a lot so theyre probably online a lot and is instead active in there. they rotate hyperfixating on different bands but music in general <3 also i think they hyperfixate on cooking sometimes and they will just cook and cook and cook one thing after another. it used to be a problem when they only lived with 3 other ppl but now there's like 10 more and also haruka so <3 no more wasted food!!!!

fuckgn. seto. animals. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. ANIMALS. i love ppl with animal special interests bc its literally the fucking BEST thing to talk about ever. and mary is plants. theyre both into each other's things too so their talks are so awesomely autistic i think seto and mary just talk for hours and hours and are always asking each other questions and if seto had a long day marys just like tell me abt why birds are fun colors like blue but not other animals :) and seto's like :DDDDD

momo and kano..... hmmm.. everyone else's seems so obvious. but them... like i see momo getting hyperfixated with a ton of different shit always rotating from lets players to toy collecting to makeup to lost media and etc etc but i cant think of like the One thing. kinda same with kano i feel like his thing is that he doesnt know who he is or what he wants so he wouldnt even Have his one thing. i think he'd be super into makeup tho. bc thats awesome but not only cutesy makeup but like special effects insane kinda thing. hes like whoa ppl change so much without any powers......... lol special effects makeup artist kano real

takane. lol. god theyre all so fucking obvious. coding. and i love takane but programmer ppl are SOOOOOO ANNOYING god this bitch would be insufferable. but the autism makes it awesome so its ok theyre not annoying <3 obviously videogames too. UGH harutaka indie game developers is so real to me. also this one is more my hc but erm technician takane is real he is real to me <3 the dan out of wifi bc this bitch took apart the router AGAIN just bc they like looking at the insides. the dan is complaining until the wifi is back AND its faster bc takanes improving and hacking shit. she helps shintaro build his epic pc

shintaro ohhh mygod have u ever met a more autistic bitch than this. he is everything. music!!!! like kido!!!!!!!!! i think kido and shintaro are an underrated duo. in the novels they hang out so much. wait im getting off topic ERM pianist shintaro is real to me idc. also super into collectibles of anime figures lol. also videogames!!! and lost media. i think he'd be one of those people super excited that a secret burgerking commercial never translated from english was found (momo too, they bond over it)

hibiya with the doll making shit. doll costumizing. also psychology post-shitshow bc hes 12 and hes like whoa. this wasnt normal *studies abt how this will affect him and his friends* i talked abt this in a hibiya ask i got lol but yeah also his whole thing abt making dolls. ofc it comes from something creepy but i still think its a cute thing he knows how to do i think he'd love using his new smartphone to find out abt doll costumizing communities and he sews mini mekakushi dan for everyone <3

i bestow to haruka the autistic honor of dinosaurs. FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHHHH also art/drawing ofc. and cartoons/animation. ppl who like to draw like cartoons okay. he'd be into that. idk if into animating himself i rather see haruka as a painting kinda girl. AND OFC VIDEOGAMES. srry to harutaka again but harutakas autism coexists so harmoniously ...domestic harutaka... these bitches have NO real schedules and are staring at their computers drawing/coding for days. it stinks in there. they make an autistic game together born from their autistic and disabled love. heart<3

i cant think anything for hiyori so hiyori experts feel free to add. maybe idols n stuff!! back to music heh

[gallavich-headcanon]

His pet giant, his human soundbox (and radiator) his favorite pillow. This is what Mickey's little raccoon heart needs.™️

I kinda want Mickey to tell Ian (under the blanket, in their no secret secret hideout) that he used to have a no kissing rule with guys when he was younger. That he's not so used to PDA in general. I'm not sure if he tells him that when they're pretending, kind of telling Ian to take the lead, or after they're done pretending as a confession. Or maybe after they start kissing again (post pretending) as a romantic confession of sorts, telling Ian that Ian got him to enjoy PDA.

how dad!mickey always stole/finished Ian's lukewarm coffee or complained about the fresh coffee being too hot -> yep yep! For a sec I thought you meant dad as in father and got confused. But this is kind of headcanons that I think I had before I read the fic, but the fic is so strongly imprinted in my head that it's like the chicken and the egg.

Ian being half-way annoyed, half-way grateful = Ian's constant state with Mickey around tbh. But he really does appreciate Mickey trying to make sure he's doing well. And Mickey backs off when Ian tells him he can handle something.

Ian being allergic to shirts -> HAHAHAHAH oh my god I need Mickey to say it out loud. Especially during the 'post faking - not yet a real couple' stage.

The Monica tattoo- I think Mickey would probably bring it up and Ian would tell 'I'll explain later', while Mickey thinks it's gonna be a funny story, Ian tells him the story under the blanket convo in the first days because it's kinda weird if your boyfriend doesn't know your mom is dead, or the reason you have giant boobs on your back... especially when your a tattoo artist yourself. Also I think they forget about the cameras really fast and don't think anyone else would hear it.

Family friendly walking talking jungle gym ->I need this on t-shirt, mugs, blankets, notebooks, hats. Yeah, 1000 of each, thanks.

A whole YEAR? The one I watched was like 4 months in total I think, because I remember them celebrating the 100th day. No books besides a religious book per person as far as I know, because they want people to have to interact with each other. But maybe in our AU each person can have one book? Or maybe Ian just goes to sit by the pool, you know, at their spot?

not like he. could just disappear over night -> Funny story this was a secret mission one time, pretending one of the house mates decided to quit in the middle of the night, packed their things and left the show. So when everyone woke up she was just gone with no explanation. She was just in a secret room and came back the next day.

Ian can't take the sincerity in those blue eyes anymore, aaand kiss. -> @#$%R$&#@#

Okay, I took a deep breath. I am so giddy about this!!! Yes okay I need this to be in their spot of grass by the pool, so every time Mickey sits there again it reminds him of that first kiss! Maybe there are some rocks next to it and Ian and Mickey both take one tiny rock when they leave the house? Okay but wait I can't handle it it's so sweet! Ian craving physical touch, Mickey feeling his absence in his sleep, them having a sweet convo about their loved ones. Maybe Ian feels guilty about leaving Fiona and Lip with the kids? (who aren't so young anymore) and the anxiety of not knowing what's going on with them. Mickey is sleepy but attentive and listens to him, assures Ian that they must be proud of him. Does Ian lean in all the way to kiss Mickey? Does he stop for a millisecond, to leave Mickey a tiny bit of space before the kiss? I can imagine Mickey pushing Ian on his back, making out for a while. Forgetting about the cameras, laying under the stars, talking some more.

I don't know, i just like them being tender and then just turning it into a feral make-out session -> I love EVERTHING ABOUT THIS.

i promise i'll answer to everything else asap, but-

-> Nosho don't get me started with a Big Brother reality show type of AU.

you can't just drop this and not expect me to ask you to elaborate!

HAHAHAHAHA nosho I am sitting alone laughing like a maniac

I told you not to indulge me on this one! I still have reblogs to reply to and now I'm gonna have to add another one to our ever growing list of AUs. This is one is on you, my friend. When we, inevitably, lose our minds, I want you to go back to this moment.

Okay, so my knowledge about Big Brother is very limited because I've only watched one season like 8 years ago (don't judge me, I was after surgery and couldn't walk for a while. It's insanely addictive though, with the whole 24/7 live stream)

But in the season I watched they had 2 random tenants (the first two that entered the house) pretend they are exes. Like the secret mission was to successfully make the other 20 people believe they are exes even though they've never met. They had 10 minutes, until the next person joins them, to come up with a story. In this they only had to keep it up for 2 days but-

In my AU - Ian and Mickey have to pretend to be together. They enter the house last, together. They get 10 minutes to come up with a convincing back story. They are told they have to keep everyone convinced for a week. Even if one person goes to the big brother and tells them that they think I&M are lying about it, they whole house loses. (the whole house participates in an activity that they believe to be the real weekly mission).

So when they both realize they are from the south side of Chicago, and are gay, they know they can pull it off. They keep the rest as close to reality as possible- Ian (25) is an EMT, Mickey (27) is a tattoo artist.

In the house they are the only ones to get a double bed and obviously they are expected to sleep together.

Will they convince everyone? will they fail the secret mission? Will they actually fall in love?

[dr0wning-in-hell]

Sacrifice - Hope Mikaelson

Summary : Hope is always sacrificing herself for others, everyone knows that including her girlfriend, Y/N. When fighting against another unknown monster from Malivoire, Y/N jumps in front of Hope to try and protect her, but ends up with major consequences. 

Word Count : 1000

Warnings : angst, near death, crying, angry!reader, angry!hope, fluff

Prompt : “ hi!! i was wondering if you could do something angsty with hope from legacies but with a happy ending ?🥺🥺🥺 only if you can!! “ - anon

Pairing / characters : Hope Mikaelson x witch!reader, Landon, Lizzie, Josie,

A/N : This is very short with very shitty writing, I am truly sorry. I’m also sorry I haven’t posted in so long, a lot of horrible things have happened to me lately and it’s hard trying to find the motivation to write. I will be trying to post more since school is coming to an end! Hope you enjoy this small piece.

new masterlist | prompt list | color prompt list

It was an endless nightmare at the Salvatore Boarding School. Monsters were coming out of that gooey pit in Kansas left and right, leaving some of the elder students and some staff to protect the younger students. 

One student who took thins a bit too far when trying to protect the younger students was Hope Mikaelson. Everyone was aware of how protective she was over everyone, despite being so cold and hard to get to. The one who knew this best was Y/N, Hope’s best friend and girlfriend. Y/N knew that protecting the students from the never ending sea of monsters was a big deal, especially since they were so close to getting rid of everything once and for all.

The newest monster however, was a lot harder to beat than the others. Never in a million years did the students of the boarding school think they’d have to encounter a basilisk. When they first saw the creature everyone immediately thought of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Thankfully this was real and some of the concepts from the movie were false.

Lizzie, Landon, Josie, Hope, Alaric, and Y/N were in the sewers trying to find the beast when one of the twins felt something wrap around their leg and start dragging them to God knows where. The group followed the beast, throwing rocks and casting spells in some attempt to get it stop. When it finally did they got to see how big it truly was. 

“I fucking hate snakes,” Y/N grumbled glancing at her girlfriend, who was already pulling out a vile of some potion that was supposed to kill the monster. While everyone was doing their parts to distract the snake and free one of the twins, Y/N and Hope were finishing the potion. While distracted with finishing the concoction, the snake gravitated towards Hope. 

Y/N was the closest one to her, and not wanting anything to happen to her she jumped in front of Hope. Only seconds later was Y/N trying to protect herself with any spell possible but was too late when the snake wrapped its’ tail around her legs and threw her across the sewers. Y/N’s body hit the wall with a hard thud, cracking the wall slightly. When Hope looked over she saw her girlfriend laying on the ground, a small pool of blood seeping from the crack in her head.

Hope threw the potion as Alaric and the twins finished off the Basilisk. She rushed over to Y/N who was laying motionless on the ground. Her skin was paling and the amount of blood leaving her body grew. The group made their way out of the sewers trying to keep their friend alive for as long as they could.

It had felt like forever until they reached the school, but when they finally arrived they rushed Y/N to the nurses office where Kaleb fed her his blood in order to close the wound. Alaric stitched up what was left of the wound on her head, and cleaned off the blood as they all waited to see what was going to happen. Hope was pacing back and forth next the bed Y/N was laying on, while the others went to go clean themselves up. 

Hope had tears forming in her eyes, even though no one ever saw her cry or express her emotions, they all knew how much it would break her if Y/N died. She kept mumbling things to herself, blaming Y/N’s current state on herself and not protecting her girlfriend. Little did she know that Y/N put herself in between Hope and the giant snake to protect her, just liked how she was always protecting everyone else.

It took another two hours for Y/N to finally wake up, and when she did she was tackled into a bear hug by her girlfriend.

“Why’d you do that? You could’ve gotten yourself killed!” Hope said slightly angry as she pulled away from Y/N, tears threatening to spill from her eyes as she sniffled.

Y/N groaned slightly as she sat up, an arm going to wrap around her waist. “You protect everyone all the time, Hope. I love you and I wasn’t going to lose my girlfriend so I did what I had to.” Y/N said simply. Hope shook her head as she held Y/N’s hand.

“I sacrifice myself to make sure that everyone’s lives can go on. I can heal, I can-” Hope was cut off by Y/N pressing her lips against Hope’s. 

When she pulled away she was face to face with a shocked and blushing tribrid. “And this time it was my turn to sacrifice myself to make sure you survive. I can’t live without, you know that.” Y/N said softly as she held Hope’s hand in her own, the pad of her thumb running over her hand.

Hope nodded, “I guess it was an equal trade,” she smiled softly at her girlfriend. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” Y/N nodded in response, pulling Hope into her side as the two held each other in silence until they both fell asleep in each other’s arms.

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Seducing Mr Bridgerton Author rambles: 04.08.2022

Hi guys 👋

So I'm sick and I have to take a few days off from work. But I feel soooo guilty about taking sick leave I've been typing away at my laptop as if to play pretend like I'm still working 😂😅

What does this mean? Well it means I've been doing aloooooot of thinking for SMB and it's future plot events.

And y'all don't even get how much more is left to be written!!

I think all that's left from book Canon is the Cressida lie, Church scene, carriage ride, engagement party, then Daphne's party (I think).

Chp 9-10 of SMB is defs the kiss and the aftermath that follows.

But I've decided to ignore the 'Colin insecure bout his writing' thing. I think the whole Sir Lee thing is a bigger aspect to my Colin. And a whole lot more interesting to write and explore. I mean he still writes.... He's just not insecure about it. (I have plans. I will explain it eventually 😂)

I very much feel like we are entering the second half of SMB once Chapters 9 & 10 are posted.

And I intend for chapters 11 onwards to focus more on Lady Whistledowns persona, My version of the Featheringtons, and Colin and Penelope fully embracing their true selves without care for the opinion of others.... It's gonna be glorious 🤩 Like take all the tension between Colin and Penelope now, then make it LW & Sir Lee. 💥🤯💥

Secrets will be revealed, confessions will be made and dares will be issued. I can't wait to share it all!!!

In saying that... I am confirming the next fic for this series will be 'To Sir Phillip with Pleasure'. Once SMB is finished I want to leave my Polin characters to marinate in their ending for a bit.

Also, with how many Eloise scenes I've been cutting out of SMB I think she's due some major attention.

My Eloise is nowhere similar to Canon Eloise. And in her prologue you're gonna really get to know how she became so different from canon and really get to see SMB Colin's influence on her growing up.

I will say that I'm using Marina from the show' characteristics. I think I already mentioned it in SMB. But Marina is Penelope's cousin, and Eloise and Phillip met a little differently than canon.

First half of Eloise's book will mostly be letters between her and Phillip and her POV on SMB Polin events. Second Half is her running away and how she and Phillip get on.

Only once Eloise's book is finished will i return to writing SMB's direct sequel "Loving Mrs Bridgerton".

LMB will follow my version of Polin after Eloise's wedding. As I won't be using any canon sources as references this entire plot is going to be completely original. Despite the title, the story is gonna be more adventure, thriller and action then it will be romance. Let's just say....

Colin has some unfinished business to properly wrap up before he can officially retire his alter Sir Lee. With his beloved wife along for the journey, Colin is determined to see it done swiftly & properly. Having successfully retired Lady Whistledown and no longer being a spinster , Penelope is all for the new adventure. But only time will tell if she'll be able to handle the danger Colin has been risking as Sir Lee while traveling all these years. He's terrified the truth of his travels will cause him to lose her. She's not sure what to expect... But from the way her silly husband is acting, Penelope's determined to overcome it all...so long as she gets to keep him.

.... So yeah.... I'm suuuuuuuuuuper excited!!!!

I've got 1000 something words done for Chapter 9 and estimate a final word count of 5-7000. I will be leaving you readers on a cliffhanger BUT I fully intend on posting chapter 10 a week or so after. Chapter 10 is estimated to be about 7-9000 words long because there are lot of things to happen.

But Chapters 11 is currently planned to focus on the Featheringtons.

Honestly!!! I'm super excited so for all of this to get done 😆😆🤩🤩

It's exhausting but I love it!!

Anyway, hope everyone stays healthy,safe and strong ✨💪😘

[americxn]

Can I request Smut headcanons where reader is a detective and tries to seduce JPM to get information, but she el punished for being nosy.

Marked (JPM x GN!Reader)

alternative (more exciting) fic:

these aren’t really headcanons but we move

also, @undeadcortez very recently posted a fic titled deadly consequences that I would 1000% recommend reading as a general fic rec, but I also just wanted to mention it because I feel like I kinda followed a smiliar mood so please go read it!

warnings: hickeys, spanking, not full smut but still NSFW  wordcount: 2.4k

James knew your game from the moment you first set foot in his hotel, your feigned innocence providing him with endless amusement. Under the guise of a temporarily homeless student needing a place to stay whilst your downtown apartment underwent lengthy renovations, you had booked a room on the fifth floor of the Cortez for seven weeks; of course this was all fabricated: you were an established detective, having graduated from college five years earlier and having been assigned a job looking into the recent disappearances at the Hotel Cortez. The disappearances were perplexing, even to you; five people had gone missing over the span of a month, their bodies undetectable. And hotel owner, James Patrick March, was at the top of your list of suspicions. 

However, one month into your secret investigation had gotten you pretty much nowhere; James, a very private man, had only granted you with two meetings in the hotel’s bar, appearing for no more than ten minutes before excusing himself, leaving you with the barmaid, Liz. This, although incredibly disheartening, was perhaps the only thing that got you to the point that you were currently at now: working up the courage to knock on the door to James’ room for the date that Liz had set you and James up on.

Your nerves were overwhelming, the mounting anxiety that you would fuck this up and lose James’ recently ignited interest in you plaguing your mind as you rapped your knuckles on the hard wood of the door, your breath catching as it swung open almost immediately. You pushed down the flutters of pleasant delight that joined the nervous butterflies filling your stomach at the sight of him, glorious in his usual finery, a smile of genuine pleasure at your appearance growing on his pale face. Leading you inside with a warm greeting, he directed you to your seat at the long dining table in the centre of the room, his personal maid, Hazel Evers, nowhere to be seen. You keep your grimace hidden as you beheld the plate of steaming food already placed before your seat, your nerves reluctant to allow you to eat.

The dim light of the candles cast soft shadows across James’ face, the pale planes of his defined facial structure falling into shadow as you dined together, your glass of wine never empty as he took it upon himself to refill it for you, again and again. He provided pleasant company, and beneath your mask of growing romantic attraction with the man, you were secretly tucking every piece of personal information he offered you, which was limited, into a back pocket of your mind. 

Hours passed, your eyes growing heavy from the copious amounts of wine you had consumed; you silently cursed yourself as a light film of alcohol induced bliss settled over, fogging your mind and softening the usually blunt edges of your conscious. 

You weren’t sure how it happened, but when James offered you a cigarette, you stood from your seat, seizing the opportunity and slinking over to him, plucking the one he was smoking from between his lips, pushing away his empty plate and perching on the edge of the table in front of him. His eyes glowed with a newfound hunger as you gazed down at him, taking a deep drag of his cigarette before passing it back to him. Lifting your legs up, you rested your feet on the edge of his chair at either side of his thighs, your breath hitching when his cool fingers settled around your ankles, encircling them in a light hold. 

Your feigned confidence manifested in a small smirk curving your lips in response to the eager glint in his dark eyes as you leant in slightly, cocking your head before asking a potentially dangerous question: “How do you feel about all those recent disappearances in the news? Has it affected business at all?”

James surveyed you carefully, the room falling silent as you waited for his answer, heart thundering. “I was wondering when you’d ask.” Was all he said, his lithe fingers tightening their grip on your ankles, pulling you off the edge of the table with a strong tug. You fell onto his lap with a gasp, James’ hands moving from your ankles to your lower back, holding you to him. You mulled over his words, trying to sort through all the possible hidden meanings that his tone, thoughtful and dark, presented. His body heat leeched into you with your close proximity, his eyes gleaming with something you couldn’t place as he brought his face closer to yours. “That’s what you’re here for, isn’t it?” 

His lowly spoken words drew your heart to a sudden halt, the muscles in your thighs braced on either side of James’ legs tensing up. He seemed to track the small changes in your body, his breath soaked with the smell of cigarette smoke and whiskey as his smile turned positively predatory. 

“You can report me as being the culprit, but I can promise that it’ll do no good.” You drew away from him, your back arching as you tried to pull away, his hold on your back unwavering, not allowing you to move so much as an inch. “You knew?” You ventured reluctantly, a sense of dread settling over you as his tone fell utterly calm, his eyes never leaving yours as he reached up, running the knuckle of a cold finger down the side of your warm face. He offered a hum of confirmation, his finger trailing along your jaw and to your chin, forcing your head to lift slightly. “You were playing with me.” You concluded aloud, your voice unsteady as the fearful realisation settled over you. “Of course I was. I was made aware of your prying intentions from the moment that you stepped foot into my hotel.”

“I’m sorry.” You breathed in an immediate response, still trying in vain to break away from his close hold. “I’ll leave and just say that I didn’t find anything, I’m not -” you were silenced when James moved his hands to your upper thighs, pulling you roughly to him and bringing his face uncomfortably close to yours. “Are you really so bad of a detective that you resorted to attempting to seduce me for information?” His voice was close to a sneered growl, his hot breath fanning over your face as he spoke. At your injured silence, his words highlighting some unrecognised truth within you, he tutted, pushing you off his lap and abruptly standing, taking ahold of your wrists and forcing you across the room and through the open doorway into his bedroom. 

James was meticulous in extracting his punishment, ripping the clothes off your body whilst you merely stood there, staring at him, transfixed and not at all reluctant to do as he ordered as he pushed your newly naked body on his bed. The smell of him clinging to the deep scarlet sheets was intoxicating and you lie there, gazing up at him. He scolded you when you tried to cover your modesty, reaching down to pry your hands away from your body, positioning them over your head and ordering you to keep them there.

“You’re sinful.” He whispered roughly and you nodded, agreeing with his comment with renewed desperation. “Keep your arms above your head.” You blinked at him, but did as he asked. Satisfied with your obedience, James took ahold of your legs, pulling you roughly to the edge of the bed, positioning your feet against the floor on either side of his body as he lowered his head to the base of your throat, his hair brushing pleasantly against your collarbones. His lips were soft and warm as he pressed several kisses to your skin, drawing a trail up the column of your throat to your chin. You followed his movements by tipping your head back slightly further with each kiss as he progressed up your neck, allowing him better access and silently inviting him to use his teeth to mark you.

As soon as his lips had completed their journey to your jaw, skimming against the bottom of your chin, he pulled away, denying you the full kiss to your lips that you craved. He kept eye contact with you as he moved down your body slightly, his lips latching onto your ribs and proceeding to give them the same treatment that he had just forced your neck to endure. This time, he allowed his teeth to graze against your skin as he travelled from one side of your torso to the other, goosebumps forming in his wake, chasing after his touch.

You couldn’t help but groan when he pressed his nose to the space just beneath your breasts, his hot tongue finally coming into contact with your skin as he kitten licked his way up to chest. From above him, your own eyes were clenched shut, your mouth slightly parted as you forced yourself to keep your hands above your head. All you wanted to do was weave your fingertips into the dark strands of his hair but you knew that in doing so, you risked upsetting James and cutting this intimate exchange short. Using his tongue, he softly traced the area of skin where your ribs sloped down to meet your torso, tracing and licking back and forth.

James continued his thorough exploration of your body, skimming his warm lips along your abdomen, past your bellybutton and to one of your hips. You hissed softly when he bit down on your skin, simultaneously latching his lips onto you and sucking harshly. He moved back and forth between your hips, painting them in turn with blotchy, deep red marks, the sensation becoming slightly more painful as his brutal onslaught on your skin continued. His bites and kisses become increasingly more intense, his teeth closing tighter around your skin with each nip, eventually becoming hard enough to draw blood, leaving you squirming and whimpering beneath him. 

You were temporarily relieved when James pulled away, straightening and gazing across the marked planes of your trembling body with cruel excitement. That relief was short lived, however, when he took ahold of your torso, his strength unfathomable as he flipped you over with ease, placing his hands on your hips and pulling your ass up into the air, your knees scrambling to gain purchase on the edge of the bed, your back beginning to ache immediately with the strain of maintaining the compromising form he roughly positioned you into. The sheets were warmed by your own body heat against your cheek as you turned your head to the side, glancing behind you to see James taking in the view you presented him with, his dark eyes ravenous. 

“What are you doing?” You squeaked, your trepidation growing when James rubbed a warm palm across the curve of your bare ass fully displayed to him. “What? Did you think that this would be fun for you?” He crooned, allowing his nails to drag painfully across your sensitive skin. You winced, turning your head and burying it into the sheets as you braced yourself for what was sure to come next. “You look so much prettier with my marks all over his skin.” He mused quietly, the words causing you to shiver in anticipation as you awaited the harsh impact of his palm that he was sure to land on your feverish skin. When it came, you still shrieked, the force that he used unexpectedly brutal, the crack of his hand against your skin echoing around the large room.

He gave you no time to recover, instead landing another, equally hard slap to the other side of your ass, establishing a cruel routine of alternating between cheeks, each hit more jarring as he worked to increase the sensitivity of your skin, causing a light burn to spread across the entirety of your ass, tears pricking at your clenched shut eyes, squeezing out from behind your lids and soaking into James’ sheets beneath you; he had one hand hooked under you, placed flat against your abdomen to prevent your ass from shying away from the palm of his hand, his rings a cold impact against your soft skin, only emphasising the pain and leaving you a trembling, sobbing mess before him, waves of nausea rolling through you as James inflicted his punishment on you, any arousal that his lips had built dissipating more and more with each collision of his palm on your smouldering skin, the noises he drew from you utterly satisfying to you ears. 

With his brutal onslaught of your ass completed, James leant in licking a wet stripe from the top of your thigh, up your scorching skin to the plateau of your lower back, landing one final hit on one cheek whilst attaching his teeth to the other, sucking a deep purple mark onto your already brutalised skin. 

You collapsed onto your side as he pulled away, admiring his handiwork, your ass glowing with welts from where his rings had hit, pulling small raised marks up onto your burning skin. You watched as he stooped, gathering up all your clothes and bundling them under one arm, making a show of tucking your underwear into his breast pocket with a flourish before stepping away from you. He reached into the pocket of your jeans, locating your key card for your room on the fifth floor and chucking it onto the bed beside you.

“You can find your own back to your room. I’ll be expecting your next visitations to collect these.” He explained wickedly, gesturing to your clothes in his hold, throwing a self-satisfied smirk your way before turning on his heel and exiting the room. You stared after him in disbelief before shooting up, calling his name as he disappeared into the other room.

By the time you had stumbled after him, every inch of your body aching following his rough assault on your body, he was gone. It took you at least twenty minutes to work up the courage to leave the room, racing through the halls to get to your floor, the cool air of the hotel soothing your minor injuries as you barrelled barefoot down hallway after hallway, deciding to take the stairs. Thankfully, the late hour meant that the corridors were blessedly empty and no one was around to worsen your humiliation, much to James’ disappointment, who silently trailed you back to your room, the echo of your hotel door slamming and the following click of the lock making him chuckle. 

Taglist: @kitwalker02 @three-eyed-snail @forevercountess @kitwalkerangel @milly-louise @thecountessesglove @undeadcortez @kitwalker64 @samsassinparvismagna @xmaximoffic @divineruler @liandav @tatesweaterweather @evanmybeloved @tatelangdonsupremacist @ikkleroniekins

[the-queen-of-hell-666]

Steve’s Little Sister Is Off-Limits

Pairing: Post-Winter Soldier!Bucky Barnes x Rogers!Reader

Words: 1000+

Summary: The Reader is in a secret relationship with Bucky, but one day Steve walks in on them.

Warnings: explicit sexual content (vaginal sex, unprotected sex) That’s really about it. But it’s still smut. SMUT!!!! 18+

A/N: I enjoyed writing this a lot, because I thought it was an interesting concept. There is fluff scattered throughout the whole fic. Like a lot of fluff. Tooth-rotting fluff, well because it’s Bucky. I hope you enjoy this fic. 

Y/n Rogers is Steve Rogers younger sister. She is only two years younger than him, but still he is very protective over her. So when the two go into the ice, then wake up 70 years later. He is more protective than ever. Sometimes it’s nice, but when she has a secret relationship with his best friend it gets annoying.

Now Y/n is in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for the team. When she feels two arms wrap around her waist, then she feels a pair of lips on her neck. She leans into her boyfriend’s touch. “Buck, not right now. Steve could walk in any minute.” Y/n whines, and turns around in Bucky’s arms. He quickly steals a kiss then sits on one of the bar stools. 

“I just can’t help it, doll. You look so hot in those silk shorts.” Bucky says, and she turns around and he practically drools at the sight of her ass. She lightly chuckles as she feels his gaze on her. She continues to cook Breakfast, as the team files into the kitchen. She knows that this makes Bucky nervous being around other people, because he feels guilty. When he was the winter soldier he tried to kill almost all of them. Except everyone forgave him, but he hasn’t forgiven himself yet. So Y/n helps him ground himself by either letting him braid her hair or having him touch her in some way. The team sits at the large table in the dining room.

Sam, Steve, Natasha, Wanda, and Vision sit on the right side of the table. Clint, Pepper, Morgan, Bucky, and Y/n sit on the left side of the table. Tony and Rhodes sit at each end of the table. Y/n sets the food on the table for people to take as they please. She sits next to Bucky, and she can see in his face that he’s trying not to bolt out of the room. She subtly links her pinky with his. She gently rubs the back of his hand with her thumb. He looks over at her and slightly smiles at her. When Breakfast is over it’s Steve’s turn to wash the dishes. So Bucky and Y/n sneak off to her room. They only do dirty stuff together when Steve is on a mission or caught up in stuff, so that he won’t notice they’re gone.

As soon as the lift doors close, Bucky has her pinned against the metal wall of the small lift room. He kisses her and she kisses back. He kisses down her neck, leaving little red marks, nothing that will leave hickeys. The doors open and she pulls him to her room down the hall. Y/n quickly opens the door and pulls Bucky in. He kicks the door shut, as she pulls him to the bed. He falls back onto the bed, and she climbs on top of him. She grinds on his already hard member, while he kisses her passionately. She leans up and pulls off her Y/f/c hoodie, leaving her nude from the waist up because she didn’t put a bra on. Bucky looks up and groans at the sight of her bare breasts. He scooted up to the head of the bed, with her still on his lap. He sits up and takes both of her breasts in each hand, and he rubs and pinches her nipples. He watches her face shift into a look of pleasure. She moans and grinds on his lap, without knowing it. He lets go of her nipples, and Y/n rips his shirt over his head. She throws it over her shoulder, before smashing her lips to his. They pull away and he looks into her eyes.

“It’s been so long, doll. Since we’ve done anything like this.” Bucky says, rubbing his hands up and down her hips.

“I know, Buck. Now it’s just me and you.” Y/n whispers, and kisses down his jaw to his neck. She sucks and nips at his neck, definitely leaving hickeys.

“No, visible hickeys, babygirl.” He says, and she smirks against his skin.

“That rule applies to you, not me. Steve doesn’t care if you get a hickey. He only cares if I have one.” She states, and he lightly chuckles.

“You remember back in the 30’s, I accidentally left a dark purple hickey under your jaw?” Bucky asks, as she leaves a hickey on his pulse point.

“Yeah. I remember. Steve wanted to rip the guy who did that to me to shreds.” Y/n says, then he rips off her shorts.

“Enough talk about your brother. Let me show you how much I missed you.” He whispers seductively, she smirks and helps him take off his sweatpants and boxers. He rips off her panties with his metal hand, he runs a metal finger up and down her wet folds. She gasps at the cool sensation. She reaches down and lined him up with her entrance, then starts sinking down on his cock. They both moans at the sensation of being connected. “Oh… doll. You’re so tight.” He groans, and thrusts up into her. Her mouth hangs open and her eyes closed in pleasure. Y/n composes herself then starts moving her hips up and down. Bucky’s hands clamp down on her hip as she rides him slow and hard. They are so lost in each other, that they don’t hear the door open until a voice makes them freeze.

“Hey, Y/n/n. I was wondering-” Steve starts to say, as he walks through Y/n’s door. The scene in front of him makes him freeze in place. His little sister on top of a man, he couldn’t see who it is but he knows they’re having sex. He quickly runs out and closes the door behind him.

As the door closes, Y/n and Bucky sit there for a minute with his cock still in her. She quickly comes back to reality, and she jumps off of him. She grabs her panties and slips them on then her shorts, as Bucky pulls on his boxers and shirt. She puts her hoodie back on and he puts on his sweatpants. Y/n paces the room as Bucky sits on the edge of the bed.

“Did Steve just walk in on us…” Y/n trails off, as she runs a hand through her Y/h/c hair.

“Yeah…” Bucky trails off, and slowly nods.

“Oh my god. He’s gonna kill you, then lock me away forever.” She groans, and covers her face with her hands. Bucky stands up and takes her hands into his.

“It’ll be fine. He’s a reasonable guy.” Bucky states, looking into her eyes.

“He punched that one guy who smacked my ass.” Y/n says.

“That guy was an ass.”

“He was my boyfriend.” She scoffs, and Bucky chuckles and kisses her on the forehead. “I’ll go up there first. He won’t touch me. You on the other hand, if he sees you, you’ll be dead before you hit the ground.” She states, and he nods.

“Alright. Just tell FRIDAY to send me up there. When you’re ready.” He explains.

“Okay.” She smiles, and he kisses her, before she leaves out the room.

Y/n takes the lift down to the main floor. She quietly steps out of the lift. She tiptoes down the hall on bare feet. She walks around the corner and sees Steve leaning on the counter with a beer in hand. She walks closer but stays a few feet away.

“Hey, Stevie.” Y/n says, and Steve looks up and spots her.

“Y/n.” He nods, and takes a sip of his beer.

“Can we talk?” She questions, and takes a seat on the barstool in front of the counter.

“About what?” He asks, still not meeting her eyes.

“You know what.”

“Who is he?” Steve questions, and Y/n’s eyes widen when she realizes he didn’t know.

“You didn’t see his face?”

“No. Why?” He asks, and finally looks at her. “Who is it, Y/n?”

“Before I tell you. You have to promise not to go after him.” Y/n says calmly.

“Okay. I promise.” Steve nods, and she takes a deep breath.

“It’s Bucky.” She says, and she watches Steve’s face waiting for something.

“I’m gonna kill him!” He exclaims, and runs towards the lift. She runs after him, and grabs him by the back of his shirt and drags him back to the lounge. She throws him on the couch.

“Steven Grant Rogers! You need to calm down right now! I am an adult! I’m not some little kid who needs to be protected from boys!” She exclaims, and he looks a bit taken back by her outburst.

“Y/n-” He starts to say, but she cuts him off.

“I am not done! Bucky is the best thing that has happened to me! You may think that our relationship is just sex! But it’s not! It’s so much more than that! I love him! I have been in love with him since the minute my eyes landed on him!” She exclaims, and then a voice behind her makes her freeze.

“You love me?” Bucky asks from behind her, and she freezes.

“You heard that?” Y/n questions, turning around slowly. Bucky stands a few feet away.

“Yeah. And just so you know I love you too.” He says, and a smile creeps across her face. She runs and hugs him. Steve stands up and clears his throat. The couple pulls away and faces Steve.

“If you two are happy. Then… I guess that’s fine with me.” Steve says, and Y/n hugs her brother, and pulls back with a bigger smile on her face.

“Thank you, Stevie.” She says, and Steve nods then turns to Bucky.

“You hurt her. I’ll kill you.” Steve threatens Bucky, and the brunette puts his hands up.

“Duly noted.” Bucky nods, and Steve shakes hands with him. Then walks down the hall.

“Next time, lock your door!” Steve yells, from down the hall. The couple hear the lift doors close, then Y/n jumps onto Bucky and kisses him passionately. He catches her by the backs of her thighs. She pulls back and runs her hands through his long locks.

“I love you, James.” Y/n whispers, and he smiles and leans into her touch.

“I love you, Y/n.” Bucky whispers, and leans back up to kiss her. “Should we finish what we started?” He questions, and she nods and he walks towards the lift, with her still on him.

[mellometal]

ATTENTION: This is some recent information about the current events with Chris Chan that I've been able to find, plus additional information that I couldn't find anything on that is now public knowledge.

ALL videos about any updates will be linked so you can watch them for yourself, if you wish.

Again, OBLIGATORY trigger warning: This post will be going into very sensitive subject matter, including r@p3, s3xual assault, elder abuse, and inc3st. I will also be mentioning the site Kîwî F@rm$ and the person who runs it (Null). DON'T go onto Kîwî F@rm$. Just stay away from there. It's like 4chan (another site full of REALLY fucked up shit, depending on which forum you go to), but worse.

If anything I mentioned is triggering for you or makes you otherwise uncomfortable in any way, you don't have to read this post. It's not worth putting yourself in a bad state mentally. Take care of yourself, please. Consume media that sparks joy for you.

ALRIGHTY, LET'S GET TO IT. Because there's quite a lot of bullshit that happened since the first post I made about the current events. And some more information that will most likely be the nail in the coffin for Chris. I'm patiently waiting for more updates as they come and I'll share them here as soon as possible.

The person Chris was in a call with was revealed to be a troll under the name "Bella". The screenshots of messages and the audio from the call have all been confirmed to be real.

It's also been revealed that Chris confided in Null about her having a girlfriend, having s3x with her, all that. Here's a list of things to describe this "girlfriend" below, which I will compare to Barbara in bold:

This woman is "in her over fifties". (Barbara is eighty years old. Most people would assume that someone's in their late fifties when this terminology is used. Eighty is well over fifty.)

Her favorite person was the late Adam West in the 60s, as it was "for her son back then". (I don't know if Chris is referring to her half-brother Cole Smithey [he does movie reviews, and he's most famous for being one of the only people to give Toy Story 3 a negative review] here, or if she's referring to herself before she came out as trans. I'm adding this here anyway.)

Chris has known this woman "for a long time", offline and in-person. (OBVIOUSLY she's known Barbara her whole life, since she's, AGAIN, HER MOTHER! DUH.)

They've been having s3x "every three nights". (Like how Chris admitted to doing to her defenseless mother. PRETTY FUCKING FISHY, IF YOU ASK ME.)

They began having s3x on June 27th. (The same day that Chris admitted to doing to Barbara.)

This woman was an accountant when she was younger. (Barbara's job was EXACTLY this.)

Chris said she feels grateful to "enlighten" her girlfriend with s3x play that she (the woman) "missed from even her exes". (I didn't mention this in my initial post, but if you chose to watch the videos that were linked, Chris mentioned that Barbara's boyfriends and ex-husbands "have never been able to make her 0rg@$m" like Chris did. SHE EVEN MENTIONED HER LATE FATHER. THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING AND DISRESPECTFUL.)

Chris has been "keeping her girlfriend safe" too. (She had been "taking care of Barbara" since Bob, her late father, passed away. This right here is proof alone that she was talking about HER MOM!)

Her girlfriend "didn't want to do it at first", it was "very painful" for Chris's girlfriend in the beginning, and it took a few tries for them "to get going". This included Chris doing it FOR her because she thought her girlfriend would "feel better" due to her lack of mobility and lucidity. (Chris said all of this exact stuff TO "BELLA" during their call.)

Null initially thought that Chris was lying about sleeping with her mother to cover up the fact that she had a girlfriend and having s3x with her. Why? Because apparently people would believe Chris would have s3x with her mother than some other unknown woman. Chris told Null to keep her girlfriend's identity secret because she was afraid her girlfriend would get trolled and she'd end up losing her.

What Null realized was that what Chris told him completely matched the description of Barbara. Note that before he looked into this, he was unaware of the context Chris was giving him about her "girlfriend".

It's extremely possible now that Chris admitted to s3xually assaulting Barbara to Null and "Bella", but she wanted Null to keep it confidential. Chris wanted NULL to keep the fact that she admitted to committing a VERY serious crime A SECRET.

If Chris WAS actually lying, she'd use a lot more CWCisms (her own phrases) or say that she was "using her psychic powers" to have s3x with Barbara's fictional counterpart in another dimension. But no, Chris was VERY straightforward and talked about it casually like if you were to talk about the weather.

Chris, according to Null, slept in a parking lot in her car the other night. At least for a few hours, though I don't remember where the FUCK else she slept (maybe a hotel room eventually), considering she had -$200 in her bank account. I believe some people who are in contact with Chris sent her some money to get food too.

Null revealed that he set up a GoFundMe previously for Chris to attend a Brony convention, which was a test to see how Chris would be able to handle commissions. The GFM was successful, to say the least. Chris fulfilled commissions successfully, DESPITE NOT WORKING ON THE FUCKING COMIC. Y'KNOW, THE THING SHE'S PAID FOR ON PATREON TO DO!

Well, due to recent events, he has since taken down the GFM and is refunding all the money to all the donors. He was debating on sending Chris money (the GFM money, since Chris isn't able to go to the Brony convention), but he decided not to do so. He told Chris to sleep in her car, spend the night under the stars, and reflect on her current situation until the morning, when Null would help her find a temporary roof over her head until August 5th.

Barbara tightly manages Chris's finances. Those are Null's words, not mine. You want to know why Barbara's been having trouble with the house and shit? CHRIS HAS BEEN STEALING MONEY FROM HER FOR YEARS. HER CREDIT IS ALL SORTS OF FUCKED, SHE'S BURIED IN DEBT, AND IT'S CHRIS'S FAULT. THE PERSON WHO'S SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING CARE OF HER.

How did we find out about Chris recently getting more money, specifically $750? Well, Null has had access to Chris's emails for the past few years (Chris knows this), and he found an email that Barbara had sent Chris money.

That's a violation of the EPO (Emergency Protective Order) that was put into affect for Barbara. Chris was NOT supposed to contact Barbara in ANY way, shape or form.

Null asked Chris about this and told her that this was a violation of the EPO. He asked her if her mom sent her money. Chris denied it at first, and then went into the whole goddess bullshit she goes into. She then admitted to accessing Barbara's banking account online and wiring the $750 to HER account. Chris also said that she'd pay her back the $750 after receiving the $1000 that Null was supposed to send to Chris. Null was obviously upset with what Chris had done. Who wouldn't be?

Guess what Null did in reaction to what Chris told him? HE BLOCKED CHRIS AND REPORTED HER TO THE POLICE. I'm honestly surprised he stuck with her this long. He genuinely wanted to see Chris become a better person.

It's only a matter of time for Chris's arrest. With all this information that's out there now, more information probably coming very soon, plus people close to Chris confirming all of this....I feel it's safe for me to say that Chris did s3xually assault her mother.

I don't feel bad for Chris anymore. I have no sympathy for Chris. Any ounce of respect for this person has been long since gone. I don't feel comfortable even referring to Chris as a person. She's a monster.

I talked about Chris a few times a few years ago on Instagram, and I got yelled at for tearing this motherfucker apart. Because apparently I was an "ableist bully" for having my grievances with Chris, despite the fact that I'm autistic too and I've never "bullied" Chris for being autistic. Not even once. My grievances had more to do with Chris using her mother and their animals to exploit them for her own monetary gain INSTEAD OF TRYING TO FIND A JOB. I've even tried to suggest that she go work through a temporary work industry and get paid daily. (At that time, I didn't know that trying to interact with Chris wasn't a very good idea. I've since learned, obviously.)

Here's a link to Gibi's video:

Dillon Thomas's video:

The stream with Null:

Geno Samuel's stream:

Here's Rogue's video and live stream he did about the situation. Rogue is one of my FAVORITE YouTubers, as edgy as his content is.:

Thank you for your time.

[freakygirlie]

I'm new-ish to tumblr so I'm not really sure how this works. But someone sent me a link to an anon post that you made saying that this Prequel situation was deliberate and I just had to stop by and say that it was absolutely NOT a PR type thing. This may come across as an overly vague anon, but Jared had genuinely no idea Jensen was doing this--he knew Jensen had a couple of ideas, but assumed that Jensen would read him in before things really got going if it was anything SPN related. (cont)

+(cont) Several of us noticed that Jensen was acting a little strange during his time in CO, and when we asked what Jared thought about this spinoff idea (because a lot of us thought it was an odd idea) all he would say was that Jared was busy. None of us wanted to get involved, because the two of them can get a little possessive and snappish over too many questions, but anyway--Jared and Jensen aren't liars. They're decent people, trying to make the best of a crazy situation. (cont)

+(cont) Your other anon got that much right at least. But there's nothing good about the PR being generated here, especially outside fandom, and while Jared has forgiven Jensen for what he did, things are a little cool between them still. Jensen doesn't want to apologize, and he's mad that Jared didn't wait until they could talk (Jared did try calling, but Jensen was filming), but Jared's not backing down on this being really fucked up. Hence Jared being in Vegas with his phone turned off. (cont)

+(cont) Sorry this was so long, and I hope it wasn't too overly vague. I'd tell you where and how I got this info, but I don't want to risk my position or my sources. I am completely sure that everything is going to be fine, but tempers flared a little hot over this one, and it's a lot harder to make up from 1000 miles away. But it will happen--these two love each other too stay mad for too long.

-

itk anon so salt as u must !!

hi anon pleased to have u here <3. again my apologies for taking this long.

i didn't believe everyth the other itk anon put out, even if they had some good points. but my main problem was reconciling the whole situation with it being PR. this looks to be more believable, and even if it does pain me to admit it with all the theories and what not that we have seen over the years, it rlly is that jensen kept this a secret from jared, why? no one knows. again, i've said this before, but with everyth that has happened BTS, we can't be sure of all of it, nor can we make a proper conclusion or know exactly WHY what happened did.

''Several of us noticed that Jensen was acting a little strange during his time in CO, and when we asked what Jared thought about this spinoff idea (because a lot of us thought it was an odd idea) all he would say was that Jared was busy.'' huh. that goes along with what jensen's ''apology'' tweet was like, when he tried to make it look like he didn't tell jared about it because he was too busy *glares daggers at Ackles*. WHatever the reason must have been, I can agree w your''it's harder to make up a 1000 miles away, and that Jared has forgiven him and that things are good''. They look to be good <3 I hope they can see each other soon enough, distance can take a huge toll on a relationship. Nevertheless, I'm confident they've resolved it.

''But it will happen--these two love each other too stay mad for too long.'' they really do <3333

[life-rewritten]

ITSAY EP 4- SELF-SABOTAGE, HINDERANCES, AND REVERSE HELPS

Warning a painful post coming. I cried so much while analysing this. A lot happened on episode 4 of ITSAY, and I've spent days trying to process. First of all, with that episode my weary heart grows hopeful for a happy ending, even if it is bittersweet, I can't see what else they could possibly do after breaking my heart into pieces. So yes I don't see deaths coming, I don't even see running away from feelings coming anymore, I feel like episode 4 fulfilled all the foreshadowing clues left, and there's nothing left now except but to wait and see the results of the exams. To fully understand the episode and relieve that whole heartbreak again, let's analyse the theme this time and this time let's look deeply at Tehs: Self-loss, regression and sabotage because of the overwhelming consequences of feelings. 

THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISTRANSLATION OF THE HEART

For me, this episode was like a cut that refused to heal. It's easy to predict most of the events that occur in this episode: Teh freaking out about his sexuality, trying to distance himself from Oh, Oh getting hurt becoming resentful, Oh becoming even more hurt when Teh finally tries to call what they have off, both become lost and confused and defeated, Teh gives up all he has for Oh, Oh rejects it and they return back to their rivalry/ their relationship regresses.

 Remember in my previous post (here) I said that Episode 1 was going to be mirrored in Episode 5, that there were so many full circle moments they could return to. Well, I think Episode 1 started to be reflected in Episode 4 with our characters: Oh and Teh have repeated a cycle again of resentment, rivalry and regression (will discuss this in my next post). They've returned back to their old state as rivals no longer friends, no longer lovers, no longer intimate. 

And it's not like Teh wanted this to happen. Teh is so lost when he's without Oh, remember he's addicted and obsessed with Oh, Oh is like the only thing that keeps him grounded and not restless. The fear of losing Oh is something that Teh can't control, it causes him to act out, to lose his mind and it causes him to try and try and try every single time to ensure it doesn't happen. But Teh forgot who Oh was, and I also did. We all screamed from the top of our lungs that Teh would give up his place for Oh but we just forgot about a specific part of that equation: Oh's reaction. I thought it'd be easy; Oh will realise too late what had occurred and Teh would have left by then and he'd run to the sunset and keep waiting for Teh, but nooo I forgot about how Resentful, Prideful and Angry Oh gets whenever he gets hurt by Teh  (shown in episode 1). But before we go into Ohs state this episode, Let's look more at Teh in detail, try and understand him more in this episode when looking at our theme.

TEH: Reverse-Help and Self-Hindrance

Again our Chinese translation lessons become a tool for foreshadowing in this episode. From the beginning of the episode as we see Teh create the tutorial guide, and try and tutor Oh, we get foreshadowing titles/translations such as the word for Reverse Help and it's further emphasised with another translation the word for being a hindrance because of trying to help. As Teh goes through his devastating, and uncontrollable self regression, he tries to go into overdrive. First, he tries to keep his promise to the two people he's torn about; 

For Tarn, he tries to retain his position as someone who loves her for 3 years, as someone who still wants what they have, as someone who is still the same .

For Oh he tries to keep the promise he made to him in episode 1 that he'd help him fulfil his dreams by tutoring.  

Tutoring Chinese Translations Whilst Mistranslating Feelings

Tutoring Oh has always been his way of trying to make things make sense, for example when Oh told him he couldn't return back to their closeness as best friends in episode 1, Teh decides to show him that he will keep working on their friendship and proceeds to help him pass the exams by tutoring. Tutoring Oh becomes an excuse for Teh with everything, to get closer to him when he doesn't want to think, to avoid underlying issues whenever things seem hectic, and to spend as much time as he can to be near Oh without having to face the implications of it. Tutoring Oh is to make Oh learn how to translate Chinese so he can pass the exam to get to the University. 

However, tutoring Oh being Teh's priority shows what he truly wants as his goals: to always be near Oh no matter what, to grow with Oh (for both of them to go the University together and fulfil their dreams) and to repay Oh for the time he hurt him when they were kids/enemies (insulting his dreams and making him self doubt). Teh puts the tutoring as a priority because he puts Oh as his number one, Ohs dreams are important to him, and that's all that matters even if things feel too much to handle. This is already why you see what happens to Teh during this episode, he starts to hyperfocus on that priority as he tries to avoid and avoid what is truly going and instead of helping all he does is make it worse: 

Here are instances in episode 4 where Teh's over helping does nothing but make things worse for him and for the people he cares about; 

TEHS REVERSE HELP TO OH

As mentioned, we have the tutoring. The whole obsession with Ohs dreams become more of an obstacle to Oh, who feels frustrated at Teh, who isn't understanding how he feels. Teh and Oh crossed the line and become more than friends after episode 3, but Teh tried to run away from Oh and then tried to pretend everything was okay. For Oh, Teh hyperfocused on the tutoring (ironic since again he's focusing only on Oh) but he was breaking and causing him to question everything because of his avoidance of the issue. 

Both Oh and Tarn had no clue where they stood with Teh, and he didn't know how to tell them how he felt, because he himself didn't know. Remember the tutoring is all about translation and as I said before the show is all about the consequences of mistranslating feelings when young. When we are young, we don't understand how strong feelings can be, how painful, how confusing (if its someone you can't be with in your perspective) or how uncontrollable. Like Teh instead of trying to listen to the heart, we revert to logic to try and explain feelings and typically that leaves us with nothing but confusion and exhaustion. The more Teh kept running away and avoiding the subject, the more he was affecting both Oh and Tarn: 

Tarn: Because she needed to study, she made it her priority that her aspirations mattered to her that's why she held of their relationship for 3 years despite liking Teh, her aspirations were more important. But now Teh was making her revert to someone who couldn't stop thinking about their attraction to each other; the more Teh led her on, the more her feelings were becoming a  hindrance to her aspirations( trying to help but being a hindrance). But again Ironic because Teh was trying to help her too, he was trying to 'do right' by her by not changing what they have, he was trying to stay by her side even though he was no longer there in the present for her. 

Oh: Because he was starting to realise that just like Teh everything revolved around him, he was beginning to become hurt, self-hating and resentful towards everyone and Teh. He was beginning to lose the zeal to keep on struggling for his exams (Teh revived his hope thus without Teh everything was beginning to seem useless), and he was starting to feel broken-hearted each time Teh avoided the situation.  Oh was realising his dependency on Teh but it frightened him because it could be gone, it could all go wrong, and Teh still had Tarn.  He was starting to be exhausted with everything because when he tried to keep his promise (to keep them a secret), Teh refused to treat it like that, Teh kept on pulling his hopes up and then destroying them, and he became tired of it. 

: The tutorial guide

This brings us to the tutorial guide. Damn, the way my heart screamed for Teh during this. One because as his mother put it, Teh spent nights, days recreating a tutorial guide with 1000 words for Oh to learn for the exam. By tearing out parts of his own revision guides, he used it to create a version that was understandable/ easy to understand. This is clearly a metaphor for what he was doing again with his over helping by tearing/ giving out parts of himself to create different versions of himself for the people he cared about, so it was easy for them to deal with his change. 

The guide was beautiful; you could see the care, the effort, the time he put into it because Tehs priority as mentioned was Oh, Ohs dream and Oh being near him. The guide represented what Teh was trying to do all episode, to make everything easy, pleasing and understanding for everyone.  Teh went into overdrive with the tutorial guide because it was the only thing he could do to again avoid and run away from what was going on, on the surface. 

Now at first, this tutorial guide seems helpful just like Tehs intentions, and it brings Oh back to him. Oh forgives him and they reunite, even proceeding to continue their relationship like before, talking, returning to their beach and doing what they wanted with each other. Except we see later at the end of the episode, all Tehs hard work was for nothing. Oh was resentful because Teh brought his hopes up once again, but refused to deal with the situation again. The tutorial guide instead of being a helping guide to Oh became a waste, it led to Oh even retreating and avoiding to study for the exam because he was heartbroken. Oh did not use the tutorial guide and did not show up for the exam. 

Meanwhile, Teh realises how much he gave to Oh that was wasted and couldn't be retrieved, for example, he later discovers he has to study for the exam only to see empty tatters of his previous revision guide (himself), he'd given everything to Oh, and it was wasted. 

Tehs acting position

This is why Teh giving up his place for Oh with the application is just so sensitive. It's romantic how much Oh is Teh's priority. From episode 1, we've gotten a repetition that getting past this application was Tehs vision, everything he wanted since he was a child. Again we see the evolution of all this; he spent so many years studying, practising, preparing for his acting dreams. His mum did all she could to show him how proud she was of him, his brother worked hard to save money to provide plane tickets and cash for his university dream. Everyone put effort into helping Teh and pushing Teh to his goal. And it's heartwrenching to see him give it all up. 

Us romanticists squealed and hoped that Oh would understand, that this was the first steps for our two to return back together. There's still the exam, we thought, Teh and Oh will reunite, they'll be together, in University, we'll run to the sunset together and scream after that is done except, instead of Oh to see it as a gift, he calls Teh out, he's insulted, he's annoyed, and he's frustrated. He's not going to accept it, he's going to relinquish it. 

Again all Teh did was a waste. And it's worse because this was the final thing he could give up for Oh to be near him, it was the last thing he could give of himself in an attempt to make things go back to normal, the final thing he could do to have Oh forgive him. And by the end, Teh is truly mentally, psychologically, and physically exhausted and gone. There's no more to give, no more to help, he lost it all, and he still couldn't figure out why. 

In an attempt to help everyone, to revert everything to normal Teh is the person who's the most broken and lost. It's to Oh on the surface with his actions, but  he's also trying to help/ impress everyone else as well:

His family: 

His mum who has made it a thing of how helpful Tehs brother has been in her life. Their father isn't here, and Tehs mum is someone who relies on her sons' dreams and actions to provide a sense of success in her life. For Teh he couldn't live up to his brother, but once he told his mother about his dreams about being an actor she rejoiced and boasted to all her friends about it; she was proud, immensely excited and driven to push him to his dreams. 

So when Teh realises that his mum will also be proud that he had a girlfriend like his brother, another form of success, he regresses back to this thoughts, he still needed Tarn to impress his mother, he was reminded of his previous goals, to impress her and be seen as equal to his brother. So he tries to keep what he and Tarn had as normal to keep making everyone around him 'happy', and 'impressed' except it led to Oh hurt. 

It's like a sad game of choices; if he chooses Oh, everyone else he's trying to impress falls apart; for example, the revelation when he decided to give up on the acting application, it wasn't just him affected, everyone had put their hopes and excitement on it, and he ended up losing their praise and support. 

In fact, he came face to face with the thing he was trying to avoid, his mother proceeds to harshly compare him with his brother (I thought she was so out of line for this) and she finally shows him that all his fears and notions on this were real. His mum had been seeing him as a failure compared to his brother it just sucked. 

If he chose them, he lost Oh again he saw that happen when he tries to revert all he had with Oh back to normal, he broke Ohs self-esteem and made Oh go into self-hate and despair. He, on the other hand, was also just as broken, confused and defeated. 

In the end, the sick game of choices, as he tried to impress everyone Teh became a shell of nothing, no support, no praise, no love (both losing Tarn and Oh) and no aims (losing his path to his dreams and his confidence). 

Self-sabotage, hindrance, and regression

So you see Teh becomes a mess because of his failure to translate his feelings correctly. The obstacles to him being able to do so causes him to try and do so in a logical way; trying to split his self and please everyone. He becomes self-sabotaging, and as Tarn tells him he only ends up hurting himself, losing everything he tried to hold on to, and he also ends up becoming a regressed version of himself with nothing to lean on (in his perspective).

 It hurts because these are the results of Internalised homophobia, the results of a society that has made people like Oh and Teh feel like they have to hide and hate who they are at a young age,  the effects of immaturity and young age; not able to understand or deal with feelings, not being able to know what they mean or able to control how we act when it comes. 

It's all consequences of falling in love so young. And as much as falling in love is worth it when you meet the one, it sucks that some LGBTQ+ have to go through obstacles and hindrances and more pain just to understand or get to the person they are meant to be with. It sucks. Thank you to ITSAY for teaching us all about this, for showing us this, for making us realise all this. 

In a way we all can end up like Teh's cut out revision guide, if we don't have enough self-love, confidence, or trust in our feelings, we can end up tearing parts of our selves, losing our selves, dreams and perceptions because of mistranslating who we are/what we want. Luckily this is all to do with age, it's okay to make mistakes and learn from it, this will now push Teh to understand and accept himself for whatever he is, and what he feels, this will open his eyes to seeing he has people by his side who won't let him fall (Hoon, and hopefully Oh) and this will make him stronger, confident and braver. And finally, hopefully, it will lead him once again to the person he loves, and they'd be able to run to the sunset together and scream that they made it. One can only hope. 

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS: PROMISES, SUNSETS AND MALE PROTAGONISTS

PREVIOUS ANALYSIS; XIN THE FOCUS OF THE HEART

[jawritter]

Dean Winchester One Shots

Happy Birthday Dean pt. 1

It’s Dean’s birthday, and you realize something about yourself you never knew before… Until now…                                

30 Minutes til Midnight (Happy Birthday Dean pt. 2!)

Sequel ot Happy Birthday Dean, will you finally tell him how you feel?

Middle of the road

Can you keep pretending your just friends, or will it all come out in the middle of the road.

Lonely as the grave

Dean struggles with his reality visiting the graveyard in his hometown of Lawrance, Kansas

The Fool

The reader comfronts Lisa, based on the song The Fool by Leanne Walmack

The Meeting

A secret releationship getts heated during a meet up

Waiting…

Waiting on your hero hunter to come home can be one of the harderst things you ever do.

Finally Yours

Alpha!Dean is in Rut, and only one Omega can help him through it!

Home

Six years ago Christmas Eve Dean made the biggest mistake of his life under influence of the Mark of Cane.

It Was Fifteen Years Ago Today

Haunted by the past tramas even Dean needs a little comfort sometimes.

I Did It Because I Love You

Dean’s been a complete and total asshole, what happenes when the reader finally has all she can take.

Happy Valenties Day Sweetheart

Dean shows the reader a little bit of his softer side….

I Kinda Like The Disease…

Your search for your demon boyfriend takes you to New Orleans during mardi grag…

Challenge Accepted..

Requested: ok so here is a request(idk if you do these)(also it’s smut) so dean talks about how good he is in the bedroom and the reader says something along the lines like “i bet you can’t make me come” Dean challenges this. In the bedroom and you know they doing the dirty or whatever. Dean edges her and edges her and just when the reader had enough of the teasing Dean finally takes her over her edge and the reader is left with the most hot shaking orgasm ever. I hope this makes sense! ❤️ur stories!!

Your Perfect

Request: the reader is always willing to go down on Dean but when Dean goes to return the favor the reader stops him and always finds an excuse. No one has ever offered to go down on her before so she’s insecure about it and doesn’t want to look weird in from of dean. i Hope this makes sense!

Curves

Requested: Can I request a Dean Winchester x plus size reader, where she really shy and dorky but believes that she really bad at sex because she is bigger? And dean shows her that she not 😊💕 I hope this make sense haha! I know this sound awkward turtle 🐢

You Deserve Better Than Me

Requested: Dean winchester x pregnant Reader. Dean feels the reader deserves better than what he can give her in his life, what will he do when he finds out that she’s expecting his baby?

Quarantine

Summery: Everyone is stuck in quarantine right now everywhere, and your stuck alone with Dean, who really needs to blow off steam… Oh what has your big mouth gotten you into now…

My Best Friend

Request: hiii i have dean x reader request! the reader and dean are friends with benefits but recently she’s just been down in the dumps and just wants some platonic affection and not sex. as the writer you can do what u want but could you add Dean playing with the readers hair? i have a weakness for it lol thanks!

Just A Dream…

Part 1

Part 2

Winchesters Fantasies 1000 follower Challenge…

Daddy’s Home

Request: Hey I know this is odd, but I really enjoy your writing and I was wondering if you could possibly do a little smutty Dean thing? Maybe using the name Lyn, and really anything is on the table, I mean, it’s Dean Winchester. (Or if you want, some daddy kink and maybe just rough stuff :o) Thank you dear!! You don’t have to if ya don’t want to, no pressure 💕💕

Like Pulling Teeth

Request: Okay, so I was just watching few recent spn episode and saw Garth episode. Which gave me an curious idea, can you write dentist reader x dean? They’re in a relationship, one day when dean eats something, it pains and reader has to look into it? and then reader says wisdom tooth extraction? Also the fear of dentist which dean already has (shown in the episode, I found it very funny) I know it’s a weird request but I also think it would be very funny🙈

Little Details…

Request: Could I maybe request a Chubby!Reader x Dean story? She’s super sweet and kind of laid back, just going along with the boys as a research partner, but she’s also super artsy and loves to draw Dean while she researches. Maybe some sweet and soft smut, oh! And maybe he plays with her hair? :) Thanks dear!! 🌻💛

Age Is Just A Number…

Request Hello :) How do feel about an age difference, post sex one-shot? Alternate universe (no hunting), consensual, not underage but quite a big age difference (like at least 10years) where Dean is like freaking out because he’s Dean and doesn’t want to destroy the girl’s life?

Mine…

Request: Could you do a one shot where the reader lives with Sam and dean they are best friends. The reader and dean have a secret relationship and dean gets jealous of the reader and Sam hanging out all day. So dean shows the reader who she belongs too in the bedroom.

Right In Front Of You…

Request: Dean x Reader. Reader is hunting with Sam and Dean, and she is constantly getting annoyed at every single thing that Dean does. And she always acts very bad with Dean with this making dean think that she hates him. And that makes mr very sad because he has feelings for her but when Dean save her sacrificing himself from a hunting gone wrong. She stars to develop feelings for him.

Jealous Of My Demons...

Requested: Dean get’s jealous of the reader’s former boyfriend Brady, who is now posses by a demon and working as a stable boy for the horseman pestilence. Who will they work this out?

Princess...

Request: Thank you for answering my question love!💕 can I request a Dean x plus size reader where she is super shy and it drives dean crazy? Fluff, smut? I’m sorry to bother you hahah and that this sounds awkward turtle 🐢 🖤😻

My Girl...

Requested: Hola! request for dean x reader: the readers current boyfriend always puts her down and one day threatens to breakup with her if she doesn’t lose weight, even though she’s not even plus sized or anything. She constantly pushes her body to the limit to lose the weight and dean notices. it ends all fluffy and protective!dean comes out and has a “talk” with the boyfriend. side note for anyone reader this: YOUR BODY IS BEAUTIFUL MAMA 💗🥺

Your Dean...

Request: Heyy! I'm sorry to be a bother. I was wondering if you can do a one shot where the reader is prone to severe panic attacks and her husband Dean is the only one who knows how to calm her down? She gets a really bad attack but Dean for some reason ain't there, and no one is able to help her but eventually he comes back and takes care of her. Sorry if this is a lot haha.

Safe. Warm. His...

Request: Are you taking requests? If so would you possibly write a one shot with Dean where the reader is in little space and just wants to cuddle and nuzzle her head in his neck and give him lots of little kisses and play with his hands? It’s just superrrr fluffy 🥺🥺🖤

One Hell Of A Thank You...

Request: Can I request a Dean Winchester x plus size reader, where the reader is really quirky and dorky and goes on a date but turns out her date is a vampire and kidnapped her and dean saves her and falls in love with her, maybe some angst, fluff and smut 💕

Voices..

Request: Can I request? Dean x reader were she has an Eating Disorder and she’s recovering but today was an off day for her and starts to go back to her old habits and Dean notices and helps her through it.

His Girl...

Request: May I request a Dean Winchester x plus size reader where the reader is very shy and she at a bar and some dirt bags are picking on her about her shortness and weight and dean stands up for her? Some smut and fluff ?? Also want to say you are a bop of a writer my love! ✨💕🥰❤️

Happily Ever After...

Request: Hey beautiful! May I request a Dean Winchester x plus size reader where the reader does all the research for the boys and she is very shy,she a huge Disney fan, one day demons get in the bunker and make fun of her and dean stand up for her and confess his love for her (smut)? And after they cuddle and watch lady and tramp? Fluff and smut you are a gem my dear! 💕

His New Toy...

Request: Hai can I request dean x reader smut with breast bondage and nipple play?? plot (if there is any) is up to you ;)

His Heaven...

Request: Heyy I love your ABO fics and I have a request for you. You can always say no to this if you’re uncomfortable. I’ll completely understand and I’m very sorry. Can you do one with Alpha!Dean x Omega!reader. Where the reader is on a supply run and she gets assaulted and tortured by a monster and when she gets back to the bunker somehow, she only allows her Alpha anywhere near her and refuses help from anyone else. Dean takes care of her and helps her heal.

Something Worth Fighting For

Request: Hi love! Your writing is amazing and I was wondering if you could do a Dean x depressed!reader? Like dean finds the reader about to jump off the roof of the bunker after reading the note she left him and sam saying goodbye. He had never suspected anything cause she hid it so well. Dean saves her and tells her his feelings for her? You can also add any details you want or anything like that! There is no rush! Thank you!

Unlikely Places

Trigger Warning: Non-Con

Request: Hi! I love your work! Can you do a ABO? One where the reader is Beta, and Dean Alpha, and she’s his true mate/soulmate, but they don’t know it, and he gets possessive and goes into almost a feral rut where he tries to claim, and it almost kills her but Sam and Rowena save her and give Dean his Omega back? You come up with the plot because you’re amazing at that!! Please! I’d be forever in your debt!

I Hurt Too

Request: hi there! I have seen loads of fics and one shots where Dean is sleeping around/having a one night stand and the reader gets jealous and upset, but I was wondering if I could request one with the other way around? or maybe one where they sleep around equally? as smutty, fluffy, or angst as you want!!

What’s Left Of Me

Summary: Who know one little woman could have turned his whole world upside down? He had done so good alone for so long. Then here you come along, and ruin everything

Elf

Summary: Maybe being stuck at home alone with Dean for Christmas isn’t so bad after all.

Save Me

Summary: It’s not always easy being the hero, especially when no one is ever there to save you.

Saving Grace

Summary:  Some things are worth fighting for, even when they think they’re not. You can either roll over and die, or you can pick yourself up off the ground and go get what you want. That’s the place Y/N now finds herself in.

Living With Regret

Summary: Death can be hard to deal with in any aspect, but when you’re in the life, it's something you deal with all to often, and carry with you until it's your turn to burn.

Happy Halloween

Summary: It’s Daddy’s favorite holiday. So what’s a good girl gonna do, but let him blow off some steam after a successful hunt?

I’ll Wait For You

Summary:  Sometimes when we’re angry, hurt, or scared we say things wrong. Say things that hurt the ones we love. When Dean takes things a step to far can you find it in your heart to forgive him?

An Alpha And His Omega

Summary:  Sometimes Alpha’s aren’t the assholes, sometimes words Omegas say things that can hurt too. 

No, Screw You Sweetheart

Summary: You HATE Dean Winchester, I mean you really, REALLY hate Dean Winchester.

30 Minutes In Heaven

Summary: Your life, like many hunters before you, was cut short. You had no idea at the time the Fates that were at play in the universe were really those of dick angles and egotistical assholes with massive god complexes. And you also had no idea that they were really the reason you lost your life, and you had no idea why… Until around 30 minutes after you made it to Heaven.

The Devil And I

Pt. 1   Pt. 2   Pt. 3

Summary: What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right? You survived after you thought your mate had died, but how will you survive finding out he's alive, only different.

Don’t Let It Show...

Summary: She’s had enough of him, just like every other woman always seems to, and normally, he doesn’t care, but this time...this time it hurts.

Don’t Fear The Reaper

Summary: They took him from her, her knit, her king, her Dean, “cured” him, and now she’s going to get him back, she’s going to set him free.

Scars And All

Summary:  You and Dean have a strange, mutual relationship, but that’s all it is, physical. Until an almost bar fight brings some things to light that you thought you’d never hear.

I Almost Lost You

Summary:   Sometimes, monsters aren't always monsters...sometimes they're people.

Touch Starved

Summary: Sometimes when the hunt is hard, and his mind is loud, Dean just wants to be close to someone he loves, but is to scared to say it out loud. Thankfully, she knows him better than he knows himself.

I Wanna Be Your Everything

Summary:  After a huge fight, and a week away from Dean, he’s finally decided it was okay to have the ending he’d always wanted.

One More Sunset

Summary: Dean just wants the pain to go away...