#my reply on discord got too long but i was gonna include this lol

[eraseur-a]

//he washes his face with bar soap.

[heavybreathingcatt]

anon -- IM SO EXCITED !! im not active on tumblr at all anymore (i actually only logged in to send you these anons), but if you want a beta reader/personal hypeman on discord or so? lmk <33 im not a fanfic writer but im active on the roleplaying side of things writing-wise.

This snippet is SO interesting so far -- first off, Walter! Can't wait to see what circumstances lead him back into our group, him meeting Angel, and maybe having him can help heal some of the hurt in my heart from losing Nyx and Crake

And Rhys !! I can't wait to see how their relationship will unfold -- Will Rhys ever learn of Timothy telling Vaughn to not promote him? Will Timothy? There's so much conflict to be established. Of course there is the basis provided by Borderlands canon -- but what really spiked my interest is what WAW included. That shift from the starry-eyed young man we see in the Becoming Jack chapters into the CEO of Atlas who survived Jack -- oh, I have absolute faith in your handling of it, I can't wait to see who Rhys is in the world of WAW.

I’m at work so I’m speed replying. I’m painting koalas atm. Yep. 👍

Man thanks for logging back in to say hi! I’ve also not been active on tumblr but making an effort to return :3

lol anon you’re amazing you know my fic better than me. I really should read the whole thing. I hadn’t considered yet the implications of Lawrence ruining Rhys career ahaha for Timothy that would have been an average Tuesday night (and I think he got high as well). There is no way he would remember a once off fan boy encounter amongst the thousands of encounters he would have had. But Rhys on the other hand. He sure would remember.

It’s not a huge spoiler as it will be established very quickly in the fic but Rhys will be the antagonist to Lawrence. But not a villain. Rhys choices (which are… questionable at best) are not gonna let Lawrence have a good time.

I’m really enjoying writing Walter back into the fic. He makes for a great bridge to reintroduce some old themes and explain some missing parts of the story back to the reader. And if it wasn’t mentioned when I first introduce him in the author notes he’s based of Michael Fassbenders character from Alien Convent. Looks the same too.

Thanks for the comment about helping out with ideas and just chatting in general. As long as you ain’t a minor you can add me on discord (same goes for anyone else) at heavybreathingcat I’m too fucking old to be talking to the kids these days. My zoomer coworks already call me an old mellinial 🥹🥲

🫡

[misquigleya]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.

name: char 'cause i never considered lottie being a viable nickname of charlotte like a dumbass lmfao

pronouns: she/her but really i do not care <3

preference of communication: discord only 'cause i'm never logged into mobile tumblr longer than enough to check for replies, draft them, and give the dash a quick scroll before fuckin' off to tiktok or whatever app. but i'm always logged in via discord mobile, plus it's just easier and we can pin important shit or not important shit. too long of an answer for this rip sorry.

most active muse: currently hyperfixated on all of my yj muse's, but i'd have to say it's a toss up between misty and van ( found over on the multi @ darkconsumed ) but literally could shift with the wind at any given moment. let me yell about them all.

experience/how many years: eleven years ( i've seen some shit on this site okay... ) as of feb. of this year. i'm old as hell, even more tired, and i just wanna vibe and write with y'all. all spent on this site mind you; started off in various RPG's before switching to indie in late 2012, early 2013.

best experience: honestly this fandom has been a great way to get me out of a writing funk/block that i had been experiencing for like...months before i finally watched yj. you all have been great and welcoming and put up with listening to me ramble and defend this cute lil blonde nerd. i've had the most fun in this fandom than i have in a long while and that's saying something as i've been in many fandoms over the years. but yea...this fandom has felt like coming home after a long trip <3

rp pet peeves: i'm old RP wise so i got me a good...500 mile long report of pet peeves lol but the biggest are no rules page, no information when it's a oc(s), flat out not reading my own rules 'cause i can tell when they have not been read ( folks with -0 information on their blogs and or no links leading to said information like...tell me you followed without reading rules without telling me ), i don't know why it's still such a thing in the year of our toad 2023, but vague posting. it just makes all the vibes go to shit real quick and no thank. there are many more but i will keep from sounding like an old person on their porch yellin' at the wind.

plots or memes: both? both is good. i don't know what it is with memes, but i tend to have a habit of basing a plot off a meme and wind up with a bitchin' plot that makes sense. memes are also, in my opinion, a great way to break the ice and get everyone involved relaxed enough to reach out. also i hoard memes for the days drafts are a big no and my brain is mush, but not mush enough to do memes. if that makes sense lol

long or short replies: i am go with the motion of the ocean kinda gal. if you give me semi-para, i'm gonna give it right back. sometimes i can word vomit ( sorry not sorry joey ) 'cause the muse be takin' over. but i also don't mind doing shorter replies / one para replies. so long as it's more than like two complete sentences, i'm chill.

are you like your muse: i could lie and say no, but i am. not completely, but there are bits and pieces of misty that are also very much char. it's part of the reason why i picked her up as a muse because i was able to relate to her ( struggling to make friends, not knowing how to go about it, feeling like an outsider even though technically apart of a team, etc. ) it's also why i try to give her a loud enough voice to be heard and listened to over the others. because i can acknowledge her faults and in some instances, so can misty herself, but there's also well, what would you have done? in there as well. like...she's fucked up and flawed but so are the others who tend to think they're above her and the things she's done when in reality they're not. and i don't know but there's just something about that that is so relatable that i can connect to at some degree. but also including the multi, i'm very much like van like...i will yell about movies and pop culture bullshit if ever given the chance.

tagged by: @enr4ged tagging: @dogtccth / @fullrigor / @wildernesslost / @antlermotifs / @crosseddestiny & anyone else <3

[monsterenergysimp]

Permanence

corpse husband x fem!reader 

summary: you meet corpse on a stream and you’re surprised when he reaches out to you 

warnings: cursing, mentions of tattooing

word count: 1.9k

notes: This is proof read but could have missed some stuff. This is my first corpse fic and my first time writing fanfic since I posted that super cringey book on wattpad when I was like 12 or something. I’d appreciate feed back so please reach out to me :)

main blog @itsmysleepover

read part 2 here!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were cleaning up your station so you can get home and stream. You loved your day job as a tattoo artist but you also really enjoyed streaming. It started as a way to promote yourself as an artist and the shop you worked at but it eventually became a really fun way to destress at the end of the week (or day if you were really itching to stream). “Hey Y/N was that your last client?” your boss, KC, asked as she walked to the front of the shop and put new flash drawings on the walls.

“Yes ma’am!” You said back excitedly. You finished cleaning your station and tossed your black gloves in the trash. “And you can’t trick me into staying and taking walk-ins,” you joked with her. She rolled her eyes and walked back into her office “It was one time,” she said as you slid on your jacket. As you walked out your phone buzzed in your pocket and you checked to see who had texted you. It was a message from Sean asking if you were free to play Among Us with him and some other streamers. You replied that you were on your way home right now and totally down. You were excited to see who was playing this time around since their Among Us streams are super entertaining and have gotten really popular.

On your way back you tweeted and posted to your Instagram story that you’d be streaming soon and set up all your stuff once you made it home. After a few minutes, you had a couple of thousand people watching. You entered the discord chat and Sean spoke up. “Everyone this is Y/N she’s sensitive so be gentle.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you guys and I’m not gentle, I'm ruthless,” You say into your mic and notice the chat calling you a liar. Everyone was in the lobby waiting for the game to start. “You sound way too sweet to be ruthless,” Corpse said. The countdown started and you were imposter with Charlie.

“This should be fun,” you told the stream. Yout tried playing strategically but after such a long shift your brain was mush. You saw Poki in nav and killed her then vented into shields. Not long after the body was reported and you were sure you were going to get voted out or at least sussed.

“Where was the body?” Felix asked. “Nav and I didn’t see anyone near there so whoever is imposter must have vented,” Corpse responded. Felix spoke up again. “I think I saw Y/N walk that way and I haven’t seen her since.”

Shit, shit, shit shit. “I’m in shield right now so-” you said trying to defend yourself but Charlie spoke up. “I was doing tasks with her earlier and I saw her walk into shields so she’s safe but I’m still not sure about Rae.” Everyone discussed a bit more and some people, including Corpse, voted for you but Rae got the majority vote and was ejected. You released your breath and kept playing being extra careful.  

“Okay, guys that was super close. Corpse knows and is out to get me,” you said to the chat. You were eventually voted off but one round later victory was written across your screen with your ghost and Charlie’s avatar. “Good game guys,” Corpse said.

“I told you guys I was ruthless!”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat at your station doing nothing because a client had canceled a four-hour session. You were listening to music and sketching some stuff but you were bored out of your mind and you didn’t want to leave in case you got a walk-in. The music got quiet as you received a twitter notification saying someone had messaged you. You reached for your phone and saw you had gotten a dm from Corpse.

C: hey :)

You didn’t know what to respond. You were mostly confused as to why he decided to message you out of the blue. Did he want something? But what would he want?

Y: Hii! This is sudden

C: was i bothering you?

    shit sorry!

Y: Youre fine I wasn’t doing anything rn

C: how has your day been

    i dont usually do stuff like this

Y: Im glad you did im doing better now I was so bored

C: what were you doing that was so terrible

Y: NOTHING! thats the problem :(

C: im sure youll find something to do

You stared at his message. Unsure what to respond.

Y: Im gonna give myself a tattoo

C: what?

    NO!

You tossed the needles you used for your tattoo into the sharps box. “Oh my god you didn’t,” KC said. She noticed the wrap on your calve from the tattoo you just gave yourself out of boredom. “It’s not my fault I didn’t have anything else to do!” You said trying to defend yourself. She sighed and just shook her head. “Just go home business is slow today.” It was raining so the shop probably wasn’t going to get a walk-in anyway and you didn’t have any more clients for the day. It was only 2 pm but you drove home and after making lunch for yourself decided to stream. You weren’t expecting too many people so it was bound to be super chill. Your leg felt sore reminding you of the tattoo. You snapped a quick pic of the fresh jack-o-lantern on the side of your calve and messaged it to Corpse.

Y: [image] it came out nice!

C: thats  super cool actually

    i was concerned why you would just give yourself a tattoo but i found your instagram and       youre super talented

Y: Thank you!

For some reason, it felt strange to just have that be the end of your response.

Y: Im about to start streaming if you wanted to watch

    [link]

C: ill be watching ;)

What’s that supposed to mean?

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You sat in your apartment watching tv, hand lost in a bag of Doritos, and scrolling through twitter. You had stopped paying attention to the anime playing on the screen since you’ve watched it a hundred times and knew you wouldn’t miss anything. It was Saturday and you usually take those days off. Take the time to do chores or meet up with some friends but today you felt like not doing any of those things. As you continue your endless scroll (not helping the twitter addiction you told yourself you’d try to get a handle on) you got a message from Corpse.

C: wanna talk?

You looked down at the message unsure of how to answer. It was a simple yes or no and the obvious answer was yes. You and Corpse had started talking more regularly. You still didn’t have each other’s phone numbers but it was fine. Your conversations weren’t too big-- just you sending him memes, tiktoks, and telling him how much you liked the songs he would drop. Or him complimenting a tattoo you did. Sometimes he’d message you during streams telling you funny stuff his fans would say in the chat and you’d do the same. You learned a bit about each other but nothing too deep or serious. Like how you two lived a few cities away and you both really liked Donnie Darko. When Sean first invited you to that game out of everyone else there you were most excited to meet Corpse. He’s just so sweet and funny. Of course, you’d love to talk to him but you were also itching to talk to him and the last thing you’d ever want to do was make him uncomfortable.

Y: Yeah id love to talk

Here goes nothing.

Y: Wanna facetime or something?

     No pressure or anything it could even be a regular call

     I think facetime is just my default lol

You sent those last two messages quickly after you had sent the first. You wished you could know what he was thinking. It was killing you to think you had turned him off from talking to you completely. You put your phone down on the couch and went to wash your hand of Dorito dust. When you got back from the kitchen you turned off the tv and tossed yourself onto the couch.

Still no message.

Why am I so fucking stupid?  

Just as you were standing up to stretch from sitting on the couch all day your phone buzzed. You reached for it fast and looked to see that it was him. You became super excited still not even knowing what the message said. It could have told you to never talk to him again for all you knew.

C: sure lets facetime

    xxx-xxx-xxxx

You had his phone number. You added him to your small but growing contact list and called. You sat on your couch waiting for a response when he finally picked up the screen was black. It didn’t upset you; you kind of expected it and didn’t care what he had to do to make himself more comfortable during this call.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was raspier than usual.

“Did you just wake up?” You asked and looked at the time. It was about a little past noon and you had only eaten Doritos all day. Shit, you should probably make a decent meal.

“Not that long ago but yeah,” he responded and giggled. That giggle.

“Well, I’ve eaten nothing but Doritos all day while rewatching Ouran High School Host Club, so you’re welcome to join me as I make myself something to eat.”

“Sounds like fun; what are we eating?”

“I don’t know yet,” You said as you stood up and made your way to the kitchen. You opened the pantry and looked. You noticed a can of diced tomatoes and reached for it then checked the expiration date. It was still good. On your counter were some onions and garlic. “How about some tomato soup?”

“Sounds delicious.” you smiled at Corpse and your phone screen not knowing if he was also looking at his screen or not. “You’re really pretty-- you know that?”

“Thanks, but you don’t have to--”

“I’ve already told you what an incredible artist you are so many times I bet you’re tired of hearing it, but you already know what a talented artist you are.”

“That is very kind of you Corpse,” you said to him bashfully as you chopped the onion and opened the can of tomatoes. “But once again you don’t have to reach so far to compliment me.”

“I’m not reaching you are talented and beautiful and--”

“I thought I was pretty.” You could hear him chuckle with a smile on his face. “You’re both,” he said. You could feel your face getting warm from blushing.

“Fuck you you’re making me blush. My face is all hot and stuff.”

He laughed at how flustered you got. “That’s the cutest thing ever.”

You didn’t know how to respond so you just put some olive oil in a pot and tossed in your onions. It became silent but it was a comfortable silence. You turned the stove on and watched the flame for a few seconds. “If it was dark we could pretend we were together and having a bonfire or something,” you said to the phone as you turned the camera to show him the flame (still not 100 percent sure if he was looking at you or not).

“I’ll put it on the list of things to do when you visit me someday.”

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: April 13th, 2021

And we’re back again with more replies so soon, haha. Thank you for the asks!

Your game literally saved me this hell ass year. Thank you so much for the most perfect piece of art I've ever laid eyes on 😫 ... Do you guys have a rough idea when step 3 DLC will be released? I hope I'm not coming off as rude. I just really really love your game.

I’m sorry for the late reply on this! You might’ve already seen the answer by now, but the Step 3 DLC is coming out on the 16th. We’re almost there :D

This may be a silly question but did Jeremy's parents ever find out that Pran had lied about his age and if so, when/how? :3

Pran came clean to them after a couple of years, when he felt secure enough that it wouldn’t ruin the relationship. The Kings were a little embarrassed, the dad more than the mom, but they’re quite good at brushing past those kind of mistakes so it was all water under the bridge pretty fast.

hi! i know you’ve answered a question about alterations in the our life moments by playing them in different orders, but i was wondering if there was a canon order that the moments for each step happen in? i figure with such a customizable game the “canon” timeline for the moments is whatever order the player completes them in, for example in step 1, i like playing the runaway moment pretty early, since cove trying to run away early in summer makes more sense to me personally. thanks!

Yeah, there’s no canon order we’d insist on. Whatever you like can be the official route for you! And that’s a neat way to look at that event.

What if your character isn’t that into physical contact but still wants to be in a relationship with Cove? Would he be offended if you shy away or something along those lines?

He wouldn’t be. Cove knows how hard that can be and is very understanding. If you set his initiative to low, the game always checks to make sure if you want to be touched or not rather than assuming that you do. And if you do choose that you don’t want to, there’s no stress or drama about it. Cove will just say that’s okay!

Hellu! First off, I want to thank you all for such a wonderful game, it's been the best feel-good game I've ever stumbled upon and I can't express enough how much it has meant to me. Second, I've seen lots of people having trouble with making Cove confess before MC which makes me wonder if people will have the same problem in the dlc when you can propose to him. Is it possible to post a guide for that as well when it no longer could count as a spoiler? Again, thanks for such a beautiful game <3

I’m really happy you had such a nice time with it c:. We’ll answer questions about it on tumblr/in the discord if they come up and, if need be, we’ll find somewhere to upload a guide.

Do we get steam key from buying dlc on itch io?

I’m afraid not. That’d be unfair to those who get it on Steam. Plus, Steam isn’t super cool with giving out thousands of keys to be handed out for free on other sites anymore. They can refuse to give us the keys if they feel we’re trying to take advantage of their system.

hi! so if we reject cove's confession in step 3, can we still have MC and cove get together in step 4?

You can confess to him, yeah. But Cove won’t ever try confessing again if the MC turns him down in Step 3.

What if MC acts like someone Cove doesn't like, like Lizzie or Baxter lol

You can’t do what Lizzie or Baxter does to make Cove dislike them. You can play the game and try, but it doesn’t work out. The MC is just too compatible with Cove if you’re fond/crush/love, haha.

Hi! I absolutely love your game, I love the characters they’re all so amazing, thank you for the game haha

I was wondering if you would get the NSFW DLC no matter what Patreon level you were at, or if you would could get it at any level? :)

&

What pateron tier do we need to get the 18+ content for Our Life? It's my new favourite game, keep up the good work!

It will eventually be available at the $5 tier and anything above that! Glad you both like OL ^^

On a scale from 1 (being the worst) to 10, how well do the XOXO jerk squad including JB handle horror?

JB: 8

Everett: 5

Nate: 4

Shiloh: 10

Bae: 10

Jeremy: 8 for non-gore horror, 2 for gory horror

Pran: 9

hello!! i was wondering if any of the boys from the Jerksquad would ever wear a skirt/dress?

None of them wear skirts/dresses out of personal preference. But if there was some kind of reason where they had to do it, none would be that bothered.

How does the jerk squad feel about Christmas? 

Everett: He fucking loves it. That’s the best time of year.

Nate: Commercialized nonsense.

Shiloh: It’s wonderful! So he claims.

Bae: He likes it quite a bit, but only for the joy it brings children/family. He thinks that’s sweet but is too mature to be whipped up into a festive fervor himself.

Jeremy: It’s awful.

Pran: He hates it.

does cove have any pet allergies? yes I know this is a little weirdly specific

He doesn’t! The lucky boy isn’t allergic to any animal.

Very important question: Would Lee and a musical-theatre loving MC run around belting Into The Unknown from Frozen 2? Because I feel that they would 

Probably, haha.

This might seem like a dumb question, so I’m sorry, but with the Derek DLC are we gonna get to hang out with him in person instead of just calling him in step 3? 

The Derek DLC adds events in Step 2 and Step 4. It’s part of his story that you don’t really get to be around him in Step 3. But you don’t need to apologize for wondering!

hello! i'd like to ask if it's possible to play the android version of the game with the dlcs after buying the dlcs from steam. i wasn't expecting my android version to have my dlcs since i bought them from steam, but it had my step 2 dlc for some reason. is this a glitch or does the apk actually detect what dlcs you already have on your pc? if so, how come i don't have the step 1 dlc appearing on android? thanks!

That is some kind of glitch. It isn’t possible for the Android DLCs to be unlocked by having them on PC. Maybe in one of the old builds we accidentally didn’t lock the Step 2 DLC properly. Sorry for the confusion!

Does Derek and Baxter have canon sexualities? Will Derek still flirts with the MC regardless of their gender?

They’re both pansexual and can like the MC regardless of what gender they have.

I was wondering if Miranda had a crush on Cove in Step 3? I'm not sure why, but I got those vibes from her?

She thinks of him only as a friend. Cove isn’t her type, haha.

This is probably a dumb hope, but I hope Cliff find someone he loves after Cove is grown up and everything. Or at the very least he has someone he's very close with after Cove leaves. 

That’s a really sweet thought to have. Cliff stays single, but he’s graysexual and not-particularly romantically inclined. He only dated when he was really young ‘cause that’s what everyone did. Family and friend relationships are more important to him, and he has plenty of that in his life ^^.

Heya! I was curious if there might be a nickname system in N&F? I kind of pull an Elizabeth when I play and choose a different variation of a name like having Rosie in step one and changing it to Rose in step two, then maybe Rosetta in step three for example, but it also feels a little bit odd being scolded using my nickname hehe. That's all I was wondering about, thank you for your time and the wonderful games!

We are hoping to include the option to go by a nickname in Our Life: Now & Forever. But nothing has been programmed yet, so we can’t 100% guarantee it, haha.

Just curious, what would Liz's and Cove's relationship be if MC wasn't around? I feel like they wouldn't get along as well as they do now, especially during the first and second step 

They’d definitely have a lot of friction growing up and they’d likely avoid each other as much as possible. Once they were both older, I imagine they’d be decent neighbor acquaintances. But they still wouldn’t be nearly as close as they are with the MC bringing Cove into things.

What do the customizable eyes look like in the game? Do they look as they are in the creating avatar section? Or do they look different when actually playing the game?

That’s up to you! The doll is just meant to be a general idea. You can apply it to your imagined MC as much or as little as you prefer.

Did Cove go through a "phase" during his adolescence? I don't really wanna headcanon it so I wonder if there's anything (cringy) canon since we missed out on the ages of 14-17 hahaha

Not really, aha. 14-17 Cove is pretty recognizable to his 13 and 18 year old self.

Hello! I'm sorry to bother you, especially with all the messages you get. I was just wondering if the religious wedding venue was exclusive to a church or if there will be different religions of weddings? Also, I love this VN so much, it's so well written and every character is so amazing, thank you for making such a beautiful game.

The church is treated as a historic building rather than anything actively religious, but it’s not the only option like that. There’s a historic synagogue and stuff too! And that’s really nice of you to say <3.

How differently would it play out If MC told their moms about the 20$ deal back when it happened? 

They wouldn’t have been happy and would’ve been far more skeptical of Cliff, aha. But they wouldn’t want to keep Cove away from the MC, so it wouldn’t have been too different in the long run.  

Hello may I ask what Cove's favorite fudge/ice cream flavor would be? Its alright if its not answered 

He appreciates them all, but his top favorites would be the fruit flavored ones and the ones with nuts.

Hi! I really wanted to make mc's house in a game and tried really hard to figure out the floor plan, but I wondered if you have the floor plan of the mc's house so that i can try again with more accuracy?

Thank you a lot for this game, i loved it a lot! (my first play took me 8 hours lol)

I’m really sorry, we don’t have anything like that. But at least you can headcanon that what you did is correct and nothing can prove it wrong, haha.

Hello,I recently started playing lake of voices (I put it off for a long while since I’m usually not very good with horror) and I’m really happy I did!I’m a big fan of your games in general and lake of voices was absolutely great as well.I loved the characters and the dark setting of it,I adored the beautiful art and music and the story was great too,sometimes unsettling and sometimes very sweet.My favorite Route in the game was definitely Lu,I liked his character and was really shocked and distraught by his Route at least two times.I didn’t see the plot twist(s) coming at all!

Besides these ramblings I’ve also wanted to ask if you still remember how to get the lower two CGs on page 5?I seem to always miss them and would appreciate any help.Anyways I hope I wasn’t too much of a bother and I wish the devs a great day!:)

Thank you for all the kind words <3. You get those DLCs by going through the end of the Guide’s character path. You can use the guides on Steam to help you find it/reach the end!

—– —– —– —–

Thank you again for all of these questions :D

We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[lavaridgexflannery]

//tw: suicide mention

Minor explanation as to why I haven't replied to much

As most of you know, I went on vacation/a con about a week ago or so. And yeah,I had loads of fun. Especially since it was just my twin and I. we both..so needed it.

But when I got back home, I found out that a LOT of things were moved around. Including my antidepressant bottles. I take like two different kinds.

Now, I did look and moved things around,even asked where they were placed but of course, no one knows anything. So, I end up having to call up the doctor's office and ask them for a refill for them..and long story short..I was told to to the pharmacy and ask them about it.

I would've done it sooner but, I needed to rest like..so badly. Having the chronic condition of Fibromyalgia,sucks. And I did loads of walking at the con. My broken ass isn't used to walking so much. Lol

Then..towards this past weekend, half of the house,myself included, got food poisoning. So, I didn't even take my pills most of those days..which fucked me up.

Fast forward to the 7th of June...and it had been literally a week since I had taken said pills I had been missing. I was getting pissed off at the dumbest shit. I tried to calm down..but stupid side comments just made me lose it. And...I happen to unintentionally piss off so many people at home, I ended up storming outside just to break down crying.

Right then... the weight of not taking them hit me pretty hard. I wanted to die in hole and apologize for even living and causing strife to my family. Even was seriously considering in ending my life..like..no joke. There are so many dangerous places where I live..it would be so fucking easy to do.

But...I was lucky enough to have my twin sister come outside, give me a hug and help calm me down a little. She walked with me to get my meds, and was a super sweetheart to get us some chocolate milkshakes. Which was nice.

Sadly,while we were enjoying our moms, my mom was basically..making me feel bad for wanting to die and that 'oh I live that nightmare every day. Deal with it'. Like.. really? I'm sorry your life sucks too..but um not helping.

So, I just turned my phone off and spent some more time with my twin. We picked up some games to distract ourselves later. And I eventually took my meds.

Right now? I feel a little better. But..I'm still pretty down. Not at the stage of 'fucking kill me now!' but more like..'yall got any spare hugs..?'

It's gonna take me a few days to get back to myself again. So just hang tight,yeah? I really apologize if I triggered anyone but...it's better for me to be up front with this shit then not saying anything.

I posted my discord for anyone who wants to add me. And I don't mind answering messages. I just hope I feel better before the 17th. That's gonna be my 30th birthday. Makes my ass feel old as fuck.

[kinessie]

Newer player here (tarted last year). What's your opinion on the current state of the game's lore?

i’ve always had mixed feelings about how they handle the lore, but i assume most of that is nostalgia from the time where there wasnt any lore at all and the community made their own connections, those were the good days!

this is gonna get very long so i’ll put it under a readmore

the game has been notorious for ignoring the lore of older champions and instead focusing on the stories which fuel the main story going forward, which is both a good and a bad thing.

its a bad thing because me and many other players have favourite characters who were added to the game during its beta and alpha stages really havent gotten much spotlight or exploration of their part of the story, and personally it leaves me pretty indifferent towards the new champions. if i had it my way there would be events about certain past events, or comics, or short videos, literally anything to give background to the world and characters theyve already created. i feel that the lack of this has made the worldbuilding in paladins quite poor? the best thing that happened in regards to the lore was the ‘a realm divided’ video which gave us that background, but it kinda ended there.

theres a lot of questions to be answered that i think would benefit the worldbuilding, such as more info on a lot of the nonhuman characters, the stallaga, the vulpin, the summer court. to be honest a good handful of champions mention nature as a big source of power but that just hasnt been touched on yet?

a problem that i’ve talked about for years is the way they haphazardly throw random, and sometimes quite important pieces of lore, at us on places like twitter or discord. only a few weeks ago was mal’damba revealled to be a ska’drin in a reply to a tweet by the community manager, which now that we know that, is a major piece of his character. other examples include buck being confirmed a past member of the thousand hand guild in a lore question on twitter. as someone whos been following paladins for years, the only place i trust to get all the paladins lore knowledge i need is myself, because i’ve kept up to date with everything from everywhere, and there isnt really a place where its all accurately recorded. and thats a major problem.

in regards to the current continuing story, it feels to me that conflicts and storylines are never really resolved? we jump to one threat to another without any real conclusion. gods and incredibly powerful keep coming to the mortal realm and you’d think that would be a major thing but it seems to happen so fucking often that nobody bats an eyelid. hell, corvus summoned raum who is a literal destructive demon from hell and...... then what? we just jumped to story about the darkness. from a marketing standpoint, this continuting story and constant conflict is good for the game because it gets new players interested in the next big action packed event, but honestly its really overwhelming.

octavia’s addition has been a momentary breath of relief because shes the first champion in a year who hasnt been associated with a god or a higher power, shes just a woman with a gun, and i missed that so much. i think if the game’s story continued with the conflict brought on by the crystal war then it would have been beneficial to the worldbuilding, older characters, and story as a whole. presenting the resistance and magistrate as both morally grey sides in the debate would make for a very interesting point of exploration (if you want a story that handles grey morality of opposing factions fantastically, i recommend picking up arknights).

overall, i understand why the lore is like this. they need to release these big, powerful, crazy looking characters because at the end of the day paladins is a free-to-play game that needs engagement and characters like the huge abyss worm yagorath bring that engagement. i get it. but viewing the lore as it is, it is messy, poorly handled, and the only reason i’m still indulging in it is because i’ve been here too long and i want to see how it ends.

sorry this got so long! i didnt know how many problems i had with the lore until i started writing lol. tumblr user kinessie is not dead she is here and will always be here even if i dont post as much as i used to.

[thisisthehardestthing]

wait r u fr? tumblr ate the ask? pls i’m so fuckin mad i literally typed paragraphs about how much i loved it so here we go i’m gonna try to be more coherent this time:

this mafia fic is my favorite haikyuu fic i’ve ever read and one of my fave fics in general. like the amount of hard work and research u put into it is so clear and it shows in the amazing quality of the fic. ur pacing, the flow of ur words, ur characterizations of tanaka and val, the way u pull off that last scene. everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those. like wow i really am in awe of ur talent and i’m so thankful for ur hard work and the fact that u posted this like u rlly took me thru an emotional ride and gave me such a good piece of writing to enjoy and i love that.

okay so: details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic. stuff like the name of the designers and the names of organizations and stuff in the fic helps me picture the scenes so much and it just really adds to the extravagant feel of the fic.

with symbolism, i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic. like i deadass gasped when the viper necklace was crushed in the final scene at the end right before tanaka did it. the parallels!!!! god ur so good at writing and obviously ur brain is huge to have thought of that and seamlessly included it into the fic.

okay so idk what the proper term for this is but like, the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters. like ofc tanaka would pull the necklace out of his pocket at just that moment as a way to reveal to daichi what he felt. it’s just so perfect and so true to the person he is in the fic. about his characterization, god i love it so much. all of the pain and yearning and sheer want in his person were clearly conveyed thru his perspectives and his actions. like that boy just wants to be loved and that’s why it made such good narrative sense to have daichi ask him who he loves more in the scene right before the ending. like i saw the tag for death and expected a million things but u somehow managed to surprise me and yet still stay true to the world and characters u created and ugh, it’s all so perfect.

speaking of, the pacing of this fic is so good. like u manage to take us thru a whirlwind time period that doesn’t feel fast or drawn out or anything other than perfect. u have such a good awareness of pacing that it makes me so jealous and yet so pleased as a reader. like nothing about their love confessions or trysts felt rushed or forced. it felt so natural and true to the people they were and the world that they live in.

also i said before in the other ask how i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment and they manage to be hot but they also reveal so much about the characters involved. like i’m specifically thinking of the scene in tanaka’s home where she asks why he won’t touch her and he says that she didn’t give him permission. like the love and devotion in that way of thinking felt so true and yet in the end he still did it and ugh that breaks my heart in the best way bc i know my pain as a reader is nothing next to his pain as a character. i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly bc u created a world and a cast of characters that are so interesting like i would literally read books about them. (esp val. i loved how headstrong and proud she was but also how weak and emotional she could be. her ending made me sad but u kno, it made sense) and i’m especially curious to find out how tanaka copes after. like i can’t imagine that daichi would just accept his loyalty again but u do manage to surprise me in the best way so who knows. but i also mourn for him which is a little odd for me bc after finding out that he knew about daichi’s affair i felt betrayed and it hurt for some reason which is so interesting bc i trusted him and felt like i knew him, but u still managed to keep parts of him hidden, which is so cool.

oh and despite the tragic ending, u fed us so good with scenes of the two everywhere. like i love how we got to see tanaka and val in their own homes and at parties and we truly got to see how they act when they’re alone and when they’re comfortable and when they’re playing the part of loyal bodyguard or loyal wife. ugh it’s all so good and tbh i only finished it like maybe half an hour again but i already want to read it again bc it was so fucking good and the way u write emotions like yearning and heartbreak is so good like ugh. everything about the way u wrote this fic was so amazing and fuck tumblr for eating my ask but i hope i at least manage to repeat the majority of what was in the og ask lol.

hello anon <3

It is the weekend so I finally have enough brain power to reply.

I wanted to be selfish and keep this in my inbox forever, because this might be the kindest, most appreciative thing everyone has ever said to me about my writing. Toska is a piece of my heart and my soul in written word, and to have received something like this? It’s... indescribable. You have picked up on so many of the small details, symbols, and more that I littered throughout the fic, and you’ve called out the things that I was excited about people reading and reacting to.

Fic Spoilers below the cut.

everything is so well done and all of those things are super hard to pull off on their own so props to u for being able to do all of those.

Thank you so much. I constantly worried that it was too long, too boring, that there wasn’t enough smut in there to be sexy, or that the plot ultimately didn’t make sense. This means everything to me. Pacing is one of the most important things in a fic to me, because I am the kind of person that easily loses interest when I read. 

details. i love the way u include the little things in the fic.

ahhhhhhhhh!!!! I’m glad this helped you to picture everything! I actually used real life dresses, shoes, locations (google Villa La Vigie, it is STUNNING). I was a fashion student, and I now work in the fashion industry so small details to convery luxury is extremely important to me. I love that it made all the difference to you.

i could literally write paragraphs about how well u included symbols in this fic.

fuck, wow. this. This is what I was truly hoping for. I love figuring out foreshadowing in movies, in books, in tv series. I try to write things that foreshadowing what going to happen in the end throughout of every one of my fics, but this is the first time someone called it out, and I am truly grateful for it. The viper necklace thing is a moment I was very proud of. and when Tanaka tells Val to stop talking about Daichi when they’re alone on the bed together: that’s the first instance where we see his guilt that he knows. Also, when Tanaka says “why dont i finish what I started,” is another thing I linked to the ending.

the way that action happens in the fic is so well done and not predictable but still in line with what you’ve revealed to us about the characters.

kasjsdfhksjdfsd I always thought people could see right through me and how I was going to end it!!!!!!! This means so much thank you! I kept thinking, “fuck people know he’s going to kill her, this is so predictable, all these extra scenes are so boring, is it even worth it?” so AH thank you!

thank you again for the pacing comment <3

i love the way u utilize sex scenes in the fic. u sprinkle them in at just the right moment 

hehehehehehe this makes me very happy. tbh, I wasn’t expecting there to be SO MUCH PLOT when I wrote this fic. I had mapped everything out and planned for it to be about... 5k? words? It ended up being 21k all together lmao. I actually thought there wasn’t enough smuttiness in the entire thing, so thanks for letting me now that it was just the right amount. I was worried because the only time I actually describe them fucking with Tanaka’s dick inside her, is that measley one paragraph at the Monte Carlo Casino. When I realised that, I was in utter shock. I was texting @mindninjax in the discord server like “FUCK. I can’t believe I haven’t actually written sex sex.” Then I went into thinking how disappointed people were going to be and phew, it was a whirlwind of a night.

i would actually love to pick ur brain about how u decided on the ending. did it come to u in the moment or did u set out writing the fic knowing it would end up like that? so many questions rlly

ask away, send in questions. I built this world beyond what I’ve written. I have character layouts and plans for every person I introduced, and have ideas for fics on all of them.

To answer your question, I knew exactly how I wanted it to end before I began writing. That end scene is what I thought of first. Exactly like that, with it being cut off mid-sentence to represent her being shot. That sort of “boom” or feeling of shock where you just stare at the screen is the exact reaction I wanted to get when I finished writing, so I hope that is what happened.

So just, thank you so much anon. For everything, for taking the time to write out this ask a second time after Tumblr ate the first one. It has kept me going since the day you sent it. I really appreciate you, and please, chat to me anytime x

Thank you.

Spasiba x

[peacharchivedtm]

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise? / @diiehrd

so as im not Fully Comfortable talking about the Worst Worst thing online yet , we’ll talk about the Second Worst thing and @ignite-passer was there ! So me and a couple of friends including sierra had a groupchat on discord for rp purposes. Well one of the girls in there, we’ll call her ............ T, basically came unglued. This happened back in like Feb of 2017/2018. I can’t for sure remember because i’m HORRIBLE with time lengths.  Anyways I had gotten REALLY sick AND on top of it my laptop had broken so i was confined to my phone. I don’t get super sick that often , so i was out cold. I’m talking it was snowing and (that’s rare for Mobile Alabama [cuz that’s where i was living at during this time]) i would literally go outside onto my balcony and lay in the snow because i was so hot. ( i had No I.D. at this time so I wouldn’t have been able to go to the doctor because : ))) ) well so anyways,  i would let my partners know ,, keep them updated. so T right ? me and her had a ship and she’s also an artist and she was at a con where she was selling said art. well , i would log in and give updates like ‘just bought a laptop so expect me on soonish’ or ‘im still sick rip’ and then pass right back out well T got pissed off at me for numerous reasons like “ignoring” her, or not “replying to her fast enough”. T basically wanted me and the other two girls to reply to them first before anyone else.  Well, i found out T was talkin’ shit about me , and me, the loveable dumbass i am , confronted her about it because i was the oldest out of the group and since it was focused on me , not we’re not fuckin’ havin it. well she said some bullshit and i thought it was over and we all had admin rights to our server.  Except , she got so bad we really feared that she was gonna delete the server for a while there so when she left ( of her OWN FREE WILL BTW ) we made sure she couldn’t be an admin if she came back and she did eventually come back like ‘lol im sorry : (((” well so ANYWAYS , she threw a fit bc i refused to give her admin rights back and i was like look, you’ve already left , and i can barely trust you right now to NOT delete the server and there’s a lot of information here between our muses ( big surprise i was writing niji.) i just want to make sure that you’re not gonna like delete the server or anything so give me like a week , maybe two , to truly feel like you won’t do that ???  Bitch left. blocked me. proceeded to talk shit about me to sierra and kyun so i was like well fuck u too. anyways i thought of this one bc she’s recently blocked my other friends and i was like ‘can’t relate. i was blocked first <3 lol.’  I’m missing a LOT of drama but really this is already long so , it sucked bc we were friends, good friends at that , but she had to turn out to be : // not good for my mental health lmao. snip snip ! 

[goldtips]

okay so ya girl is back at it again. this was originally going to be a reply to someone but well. it got out of hand. i shat all over babylon the anime a while ago and honestly kind of feel bad. there are definitely things that the show does that makes it stand out, esp as a seasonal anime bc you dont expect dir. to spend much time on them!!!! like if we’re comparing this to shows like fanservice anime or any .. mediocre seasonal isekai then ofc this show is better lmfao. the only reason i shit on it is because i expected this anime to be Better ;;;;;;;

mind, i’m not rescinding my statement - as far as i’m concerned, babylon is still a hella frustrating anime because it tries to showcase humans as nihilistic, utilitarian robots that don’t seem to consider the topic of suicide emotionally even though thats supposedly humanity’s defining trait ??? and it deals with the topic of suicide with the care of elephants gallivanting in the fucking savanna :))) the whole show has also been pretty lacklustre in terms of characterization, trying way too hard to be intellectual and feed edgy plot points instead of giving any development - the plot feels reactionary overall and placid rather than exciting. also, the fact that the anime started as a mystery / politico-legal sort of show just makes the transition from that to abstract theory even more forced...........

HOWEVER im promised im going to stop shitting on babylon so lets talk about what the anime does right shall we. more specifically,,, the biblical imagery!!! is great !!!! : D

the show is called babylon. in the old testament (ot), babylon is humanized as a “brutal, callous and proud” woman who “believed that she would reign over the earth forever.” in the new testatment the phrase “she who is at babylon” refers to the new world culture currently at war with the covenant community. in such that rome, as a mistress or whore of the new world, is seeking to seduce and subvert people of god, enticing men to fall “drunk with the wine of her fornication.”

yes,,,, a whore who uses sex to entice innocent men into complying with new culture? who believes herself to be akin to god and also in this context, above the law and morality - im gonna say its not too far a stretch to say that magase was intended to symbolise the whore of babylon.

however, that’s not all - links can be made between the enactment of the suicide laws and the seduction of new culture. who exactly is leading the front? kaika itsuki ( 齋 開化 ), who’s name literally means culture. that aint a coincidence. also, that weirdly-placed reference to roman law / norms during the suicide debate as a way to convince the masses to revert / adopt roman ideology??? also not a coincidence. :))))

in addition, there are two other major biblical events related to babylon:

the book of revelations; and

the tower of babel.

its safe to say that both narratives are being pushed atm.

revelations:

in revelation 17, the spirit of babylon decends upon earth through the whore. she arrives on the back of a beast with 7 heads, “arrayed in purple and scarlet”, “drunk with the blood of the saints, the blood of the martyrs of Jesus.” “seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.” the revelations also prophesizes that she will be defeated by a beast, but it is unclear as to which. there are two beasts in book of revelations. the first beast comes "out of the sea" given authority and power by the dragon/serpent. the second beast comes "out of the earth" directing people to worship the first beast, a "false prophet".

in a similar vein, nomaru had secretly vouched for itsuki’s, providing itsuki with the necessary resources for him to rise up in ranks and become the new mayor. the kanji for ryuichiro nomaru ( 野丸 龍一郎 ) contains both the kanji 野 and 龙 which respectively mean field (i.e. earth) and dragon. they are key references to the beasts of revelation

plus according to nomaru, it was also purely because of magase that the political struggle turned out the way that it did, meaning that she is ultimately the one controlling the entire operation. this mirrors the way she is sitting on the heads of the beast (i.e. the proverbial brains of the campaign that itsuki is heading) 

we also see that when magase uses her powers her eyes and hair glow in a sort of purple/burgundy color to support the imagery as well! 

the book of revelations is the final chapter of nt. it is merely an allegory of struggle between good and evil and doesnt refer to actual people or events. kinda like the show huh. nyyy way, we see that the protag john the apostle writes down what is revealed to him through visions to send it to the 7 churches :))

kinda like how zen keeps on seeing magase through visions and has to document !! his findings and report back to admin? ik this isnt exact but there’s a bit where he has to write down her confession and it really struck me as weird until this bit popped up, maybe that was included to as a way of tying in :))

tower:

according to the myth, there were plans to build a city and tower high enough to reach heaven - god who observes this confounds their speech so that they can no longer understand each other. why? because “now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do.”

while not entirely similar, we see recurring themes in babylon that deal with miscommunication and new ideology. the conflict mirrors the myth in that unity of language (or ideology in this case) and its subsequent discordance once differentiated. 

the interrogation scene in ep 4 deals with reconciling differences. magase asks whether those with different values should be accepted, despite them being contrary to norm. all this time, society has been developing an ideal set of norms - the entire country shares the same values and priorities with no deviation. growth has stagnated. in similar fashion to how god commands for many languages to be created, magase sows the seeds of doubt towards long-standing assumptions and moral values in order to create discordance and push japan into a state of new development

in the new campaign, itsuki proposes to apportion shiniki city from japan and instill new values. this confounds the population and sends them into disarray - the tower that they have created is crumbling, in similar likeness to the parable of babel.

SO TL;DR this show has a really cool starting concept i cant lie?????  i for one am not shitting on its supernatural elements (even though the flow was a little inorganic) in hindsight there’s no point in expecting a show called babylon not to delve into supernatural/biblical elements lol :)))

as a right hoe for imagery and philosophy/ethics, this gave me high hopes but the execution of everything else was way below average. why bring in a discussion about suicide that’s poorly researched + try to be edgy abt it and have the citizens to have support it so easily???? ruins the immersion so much

if the anime really wanted to focus on philosophy there should be some mention of ethical theory to justify his point. like, being aimlessly philosophical only ends up being flowery and pseudo-bullshit lmao. one of hte reasons why i was so frustrated with magase and zen’s discussion in the interrogation room. like woman what was your fucking point. its only wasting screentime if you don’t get anything from the conversation. the philosophy was so fucking unnecessary - babylon could have been executed as an in-depth political/psychological anime instead. WITHOUT THE SUICIDE.

this and the lack of good characters really bummed me out. i think that the show was expecting me to connect to some of the characters before they were fucking killed off but i didn’t end up giving a single shit about any of them so. :) the whole show feels more about the shock factor and gore than about interesting plot.

concept 10/10, execution 1/10

[96xie]

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

[amusims3]

Replies & Thanks

this gonna be a long oen i think, been awhile.

firstly to friends who like & put nice comments on my wips and ccs!!! i love you guys~ @simsophoniques, @shaysugar, @trembling-hands, @fyachii, @enchantedunicornhideout, @simnovels, @thesimperiuscurse, @kyimu, @my-simension, @ktarsims, @wannabecatwriter, @itheaxel, @rosiesimming, @nekoi-sims there are probs more but i went back as far as I could! Thank you guys always <33333333333

CC sharing post:

smellslikepixeldolls: unfortunatly ppl stealing from everywhere :(

Ickkk idk why even it is free stuff!!

rosiesimming: I don't think going anywhere else will limit the possibility of people stealing. If they can download it, they'll claim it if they don't care. It's a shame, but it's the internet. :(

I guess I just had too high expections of people to be decent! It really is a shame to me

enchantedunicornhideout: Yeah people will keep stealing, so either you decide to not care about idiots like that, or you stop creating. It's just a shame it has to be like this, but there will always be idiots in the world, so try to not let them get to you.

I don’t think I would stop creating over it, I make my cc for myself mostly lol. I just wish there was easier or smaller way to share and have rude people just stay out of it haha.

ktarsims: I think that's basically a universal experience on the internet. Not just confined to tumblr, or to the sims community. The internet brings us all closer together in a way, because it allows communication that wouldn't be possible otherwise. Unfortunately, there's no way to prevent the idiots from having access. The only way I can really think of would be to have a private forum or discord or something, and only share/show the content there and never display it publicly.

That might be a good idea thank you! I just wouldn’t want to seem like I am inconveniencing the nice people for them to access my cc by having to have different accounts discord/etc. Because most people ARE nice. And turning off anon silenced the rude ones for now anyway! It’s just the people who silently download then monetize my cc with crap ads that get to me most.

nekoi-sims: Gotta agree with Ktarsims here. A private discord or smth would be best?

I will consider it! I have two finished dresses I am using that I wanted to share but now I’m not sure if I even want to bother on tumblr since the thiefs shop here lol

Turning off anon asks post:

simsophoniques: Best decision ever done you won't regret it

When I turned it back on I thought it would be good for shy ppl... Nope just people asking the same question over and over and telling me how I am doing things “wrong” etc. Much happy that I turned it off, you are right!!

Anon ask about dress post:

rosiesimming: She did warn us that it was temporary. She tells us all the time what will only be available for a short time and it's her choice as a creator. Seriously, she doesn't even have to make stuff for us at all. She doesn't have to share, so be grateful for what we do get. CC creators get way too much shit from people that don't even know how to make things themselves. Just...be fucking grateful. >.>

Thank you, I was wondering if my post was just very hard to understand or something since I suck at typing!!

kyimu: There were warnings and even if not, she doesn't have to warn everybody about things she's doing on her blog. She has so many beautiful creations, doesn't use adfly and so on. Just as @rosiesimming​ said - be grateful. If you don't want to miss something again, become one of her followers, she deserves it anyway.

Yes the best way to catch the limited downloads is to follow! All the other cc are free and open at all times. But occasionally I like to do special things for the followers who actually support me! And I have met soo many nice people from that first limited dress I made (like you)!! Also I have said before I don’t mind sending the limited downloads out to friends later on! still they just whine on anon or straight up ask, not even a “hi” sometimes LOL that’s not FRIENDS!

itheaxel: And amu always leaves them on for days before taking it down. ^_^ I think you're being reasonable. <3

I’m happy it works easily for you! That was my intention xoxo

thesimperiuscurse: Oh dear. That sounds a bit entitled, nonny. Amu is kind enough to share her wonderful cc, and that should be more than enough. And in the end, it's only one dress for a computer game! There are many, many other dresses you can download :3

Thank you :) this is my feeling too. That anon also sent 4 more messages explaining what I should do instead in their opinion, but apologizing.. but it was still saying i should change how i release cc. so.... i guess it’s not just one dress to her lol

ktarsims: All I can say, Nonny... is that because you aren't on Tumblr yourself, you seem to be unfamiliar with the way things work here. Lots of simblr's make things. Many, if not most, make at least some things that are time-limited. The rule of thumb here is that if you want something, you should download it immediately. You don't have to install and use it immediately, but download it right away, because later it might be gone. There's also no point to trying to make the cc creators feel bad. It's their own creation, and each of them does as they see fit with their own creations. They share, or do not share, as they're so inclined. Sometimes whole blogs disappear overnight because someone decides they don't want to be here anymore. Be grateful for what you get, and know that if you missed out on something due to delaying to download it, you've only yourself to blame. Go look for something else.

I know about those dispearing blogs... when I first got back into Sims 3 after uninstall....... so much cc was just gone or hard to find. or adfly 1 2 3 just to get to nothing xD I just moved on and found other peoples great cc that was available. I probably wouldn’t do that lol I don’t see the benefit of deleting my open downloads when so many people already have it anyway.

Other thanks

Thank you to those who include me in those memes things tags. I will do them eventally, was jsut away from my desktop and mobile is too hard to make those post for me.

I am also a bit behind on checking out all of your latest posts because tumblr mobile app is torture to me xD

and finally Thank you kyimuuuuu !! I can’t wait to play cats&dogs soon and have my kitties in sims 4 too. My next lace dress cc will be for you ❤ ❤