#my religious trauma is so funny sometimes

[fallenandproud]

fun fact, the breaking point that led me to finally cave and make this sideblog was watching youtube shorts and the algorithm decied to throw a TON of hazbin hotel / helluva boss stuff at me and one came up with Lucifer Charlie's dad just as like. one of those edits and THEN i scroll and THE NEXT ONE IS SOMEONE DRAWING THE FALL FROM HEAVEN and i decided right then and there that on top of my demon fixation coping mechanism i now am going to project heavily onto LUCIFER HIMSELF.

[alllgator-blood]

'FOGGY STREETS AND CHRISTMAS LIGHTS'

(part 3/3)

I'm gonna infodump about the backstory of this comic, don't feel obligated to read it because it's not cotl related it's just personal stuff, I just want to be able to write about it somewhere cause I can't really talk to anyone about it.

As always, thanks for reading this far, sorry my stuff has been such a bummer so consistently. This comic goes out to all my "christmas induced depression" homies, I left my house maybe like ~5 times all month and it was NOT pleasant hearing "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR!!" on the radio when I'm so ready for it to be over. Gonna take it reaaaaal easy til the year ends, you guys take it easy too!! Got some asks I have to respond to when I'm more stable but probably no new comic pages til january

Alright uhhh so this part of the comic is pretty much taken directly from the last time I saw my great-grandma alive, a few days before christmas. She didn't remember me, but at the nursing home there was a piano, and I sat down and played some stuff because I didn't know what to say. I was really into lisa the painful rpg at the time, and I played that "I've got the joy" song that the villain sings without realizing it was an old christian campfire song. She didn't really say much or move that whole night, just kind of gave me a polite blank smile, but started singing the words when I played the notes to that song.

I kinda stopped in shock, my dad frantically asked me to keep playing, so I did. While the comic I made is way more sappy than the actual moment was, I wish I'd cherished the moment longer. I didn't know it was the last time I'd see her alive. Every family christmas was held at her house when she was around, so it's been weird the past few years. I actually lost another dementia-addled grandma to cancer on christmas eve in 2009, so the holiday was already kind of weird for me on top of everything else that makes me sad this time of year. That's what part 2 was about, I'll spare the details but I wrote leshy to act out how I felt back then. Why are we all sad? This is supposed to be a happy time, all the decorations are up and we're almost all here, so why is everyone smiling yet everything feels so wrong? I feel like since leshy's canonically the most ignorant one to things lurking below the surface, he'd be the one to try and make everyone feel better but not quite understand why everyone is so miserable. My first memory of having self injurious behavior came from then, hence why I had leshy pull his leaves off in the last comic. It was confusing and frustrating and I was just old enough to comprehend something was wrong, but not old enough to understand the depth of it, it DEFINITELY didn't help that nobody helped me back then so I made leshy's siblings actually come in clutch instead of grabbing him/yelling at him.

That night with the piano was something that's stuck with me the few years she's been gone, but I felt kind of strange when I asked my dad and my sister about it and neither of them remembered it. The room we were in was completely empty so nobody else witnessed it but us three. I myself have a history of head trauma and memory loss (plus, native americans are disproportionately more likely to develop dementia... lucky us) so if I ever forgot about that moment, there'd be nobody left to remember it. Sometimes when I do comics, it's my way of going "this happened at some point, and the only evidence it ever happened was me witnessing it, so if something happens to me I want the memory to stay alive in some form."

Anyway. The autistic urge to overshare, am I right? Idk what my religious ass great-grandma would think of me drawing demonic comics about my last memory of her, she'd probably think it's funny though cause she raised my dad whose interests have always been "death metal and devil worship". I'm not sure if anyone read this far, I just hope my dumb comics can convey the things I can't say with my voice and struggle to say through text. None of this was supposed to be "feel bad for me!! Woe is me!!", it was supposed to me more like...cathartic? Healing? I almost didn't post this comic because it felt kinda weird, but seeing people connect with it made it worth it imo. Thank you

[dameronology]

hii, It's not reallyyy a request, it's just something that's been on my mind for a while after rewatching the second season of Daredevil and I think you would write something incredibly sad and good. what would it be like for reader to have some kind of accident, may be in a life or death situation and having Matt to pray for her (like he did with Elektra)?

first of all - thank you so much!! sad and good is EXACTLY the genre i want my writing to be in. angst is forever my favourite genre >:)

this is in headcanon form but BOY, it's long. also, pls be aware that although my family is catholic (ITALIAN catholics no less), my knowledge of the religion is absolute whack. hopefully i did okay??

matt has several worst fears. some of them stem from his religious beliefs, some from his childhood, some from his night job but ALL of them stem from the things he holds closest to his heart.

matt has an incredibly complicated relationship w his catholocism and after years and years of trauma, like the pain that came from losing his sight, and then his dad, and then watching his home turns to shit?? sometimes he wants to look up at the sky and scream IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE

still, i feel like matt finds comfort in the belief that god makes everything happen for a reason. however, the one thing he will not accept in that belief is losing you.

if you died, that might be enough to lead him to apostasy. like, he might actually turn into the most sacrilegious son of a bitch you've ever met.

because matt could believe he lost his sight for a reason -- his heightened senses led him to becoming daredevil, which he fears might be his purpose, and losing his dad ultimately lead him to the orphanage where he found peace in religion itself.

you, however?? matt has racked his brain for days on end and he still refuses to believe that god, or the universe, or whatever deity may exist whether his own or not, is good enough to give him you.

you are his anchor when the sea is stormy, his sunshine on a bad day, you're the warmth on his face after years in the cold and above all, you are the person that calls him out on his bullshit.

you are literally the best thing in the world to him. everything about you is perfect and he knows lust and pride are some of the deadly sins but so are virtue and kindness and humility and you're all of those things.

so yeah, if anything happened to you, that one bad day away that matt is from becoming frank will quickly pass.

he loses his fucking MIND. you're alive, and that's the most important thing, but you're lucky to be so. a few seconds difference could have seen you in the ground.

he's angry. matt's vision is limited to some light perception and maybe some shadows but right now, it's all red. it's bright and scarlet and it's dripping and no matter how many times he opens the windows and listens to your fluttering heart, he can't get the smell of your blood out of his nose or your screams out his ears.

it's not unusual for you to consume all his senses. now, he wishes that you didn't.

being angry comes easily. he punches guys a little harder at night. grinds his teeth a little more. comes home with fists more bruised that normal and lacerations that have reopened scars that healed years ago.

he nearly lost you. he didn't, but he nearly did, and matt suddenly becomes scared of the fact that life is so. fucking. precious.

that's when he settles a little. why is he wasting time being angry when he could spend it with you? why dwell on what the what if of you dying if you're literally right there beside him?

bruised, of course, and you'll need time to heal both mentally and physically, but you'll get there.

that's when matt once again finds himself seeking comfort in religion. it's familiar to him; the thing at the core of his principles.

the church was his home once, and he carries that with him.

father lantom puts it nicely: lessons aren't always what they seem - sometimes they remind you not to take things for granted.

maybe matt hadn't taken you for granted, but he had just assumed you were so perfect and so close to him that you couldn't possibly be taken away. maybe he had assumed that god just wouldn't dare.

it's a sobering reality for matt. nobody is immortal. not you, not him, not a single person on this planet.

there's a level of acceptance after that.

matt does everything in his physical power to help you heal. he makes you sure you take your medicine, he cleans your wounds, he reminds you to go to check ups and to take it easy.

most of all, he holds you closer at night now. tangles your hands a little more when you're walking beside him. kisses on the forehead become more frequent, as do random texts and calls during the day.

the incident is a reminder of matt's ability to seek comfort in what he knows, but most of all it's a reminder to just be grateful for what he has and to stop worrying about it being taken away.

it's also a SOBERING reminder of how not so different he is from his close, personal friend frank castle. not saying it makes him okay with what frank does but it certainly helps him to understand him a little more.

[thebibliosphere]

Sometimes, talking about religious trauma with other people is really funny for me (not funny, haha, more funny 'I should probably talk about that more in therapy) because it feels like I'm playing with a stacked deck.

Like, Mothman will talk about growing up with Catholic Guilt™, and another friend will talk about the shit they encountered in a Baptist church, all awful, truly horrific, damaging stuff.

Then they'll ask, "What about you?" and I hesitate because it's like, well, my dad was raised by his strict patriarchal Irish Catholic grandfather and Austrian Jewish grandmother* because his Jehova Witness mother was deemed unfit, so like, he'll argue with God, but feel really bad about it while also feeling the need to tell everyone about it.

And then there's my mother, who was raised Calvinist but fell into Christian Science for a while before falling fully into New Age Occultism tinged with insane family lore** while still holding onto the purity of Calvinism and the faith healing of Christian Science, which led to my parents raising me as an indigo starseed child sent to earth by angels to absorb the pain of others as God intended and that's why I never got taken to the doctor because it wasn't my body that was in pain, it was my soul.

And it's like, I swear I'm not trying to one-up you, I SWEAR. My family tree is just a smorgasbord of poor life choices and questionable reasoning ability.

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*Arguably, the only normal one in the entire family who did her best to keep a lid on everything. ** Apparently, there was some family curse on my mother's mother's side from pissing off a fairy that caused all kinds of health problems that no one looked into because it was "the curse." They're still somewhat mad at me for going to a doctor and getting diagnosed with a genetic connective tissue disorder. Though, arguably, what is a genetic disorder if not a familial curse?

[thedeaddiscodame]

Growing up Mormon is so weird because like I am a full grown adult, haven't attended church in years, got my name stricken from the records, don't believe in any of it, the whole shtick- AND YET STILL, the idea that coffee is somehow this illicit sinners drink is still unconsciously lodged in my silly little brain. Like, I love coffee! It is very tasty! But genuinely Everytime I drink it you would think I was a 15 year old trying to sneak alcohol past her parents. Religious trauma can be funny sometimes!

[i-am-grell]

*slaps poll function* This baby can fit so much anime in it

Hey remember that time I took 4 weeks to watch Banana Fish then marathoned 38 episodes of Sailor Moon in 3 days? Anyway, poll.

If you're new here, we poll anime so I don't have to choose what to watch. Doesn't matter if you're friend or stranger; you have the power to force a person to watch anime. And that's a very great power.

Propaganda* (*yapping) below the poll. You are allowed to reblog for whatever reasons you see fit, in fact I encourage it. You don't have to know me, follow me, like me, or have watched/enjoyed/heard of any of these shows to vote for one - frankly, it's funnier if we're all just winging it, right?

Propaganda:

One Piece - Missing my Straw Hats over here. This poll option will count for Season 7 (196-228 + any movies chronologically in that stretch) of One Piece.

Free! - The deal has always been that the longer Free! stays in the polls, the more 50% Off! quotes I get to use in the buttons. You can vote for it, I encourage it even (democracy, baby!), but just know I am nowhere near out of 50% Off! quotes. I have a notes app note about it, and I haven't even finished a rewatch of the series to collect quotes. Like, I'm not even at the bottle episode, my dudes.

Fruits Basket 2019 - Started watching, got busy doing a Master's, didn't finish. Have been slowly collecting and reading the collector's editions of the manga though.

Food Wars! - Sometimes, I give you the power to do unspeakable damage to my psyche. It's in your hands now.

Kamisama Kiss - I'm never gonna shut up about the fact that I learned that my favourite dub VA is Tomoe from dicking around on Behind the Voice Actors instead of someone kindly informing me.

Welcome to Demon School! Iruma-kun - Looks really cute and funny and honestly? While I haven't heard much about it from many different sources, the ones I have seen talking about this one say it's absolute gold. Very exciting. Give me the paranormal Wattpad fanfic of anime.

[megoomy]

got a request for my vesperia berseria au designs and i do have character sheets for them so: everyone is free to draw these if they want! credit is nice but, well, these all heavily reference official tales designs so i dont want to take too much credit for them lol. you can also write about the au and take any amount of what we've come up with, i really don't care, it's all for fun.

UNDER THE CUT: a vague summary of the concept. warning for Profound Self Indulgence and Somewhat Half-Assed Worldbuilding (world...changing? world editing? whatever)

okay basically flynn and yuri met as kids in a village that basically serves as the lower quarter of the au, but after spending a few years together daemons attack the village and nearly everyone dies. yuri survives, but in the process he’s become a daemon. flynn also survives, but is deeply traumatized and gets picked up by the exorcists (conveniently too late to save anyone in typical form). neither knows the other survived. to make matters worse, flynns trauma causes some memory loss…he still definitely remembers that time in the village but its very fuzzy now and as he gets older that only gets worse. and like he thinks all those people died so hes not really trying to remember them.

flynn becomes an exorcist (some flavor of legate) and is going around eradicating daemons when he runs into yuri. he doesnt recognize yuri but yuri is pretty sure he recognizes flynn. but yuri isnt about to say that when flynn is trying to kill him LOL. the general arc is that yuri keeps slipping away and flynn keeps seeing more about him in his efforts to hunt him down, realizing that this strikingly handsome strangely familiar daemon is actually...very kind? takes care of children? helps people for no gain? and this calls into question everything that he thought he understood about the world which is quite troubling.

you can think of them as similar to velvet and eleanor. but I think when flynn joins yuri it's by choice, not because yuri's forced him to be a vessel or because flynn's a spy or anything like that. or at least, he's been thrown out by the abbey for one reason or another and joins yuri instead. (we've tossed around quite a few versions of this. we love playing in the space.)

we've bounced around ideas about the rest of the cast but i only have a sheet for estelle, who is a malak controlled by the abbey ala phi. assigned to flynn, ends up with yuri one way or another. i think rita sees that malaks are people and while she wants to coordinate with them to use their strength she doesn't like how they're treated as tools (the way she feels about blastia more or less).

if you're curious about why flynn and yuri have different fates, like, in terms of lore compliance. i think yuri seeing the thing he holds most dear, the community that cared for him, destroyed in an instant, would probably fill him with malevolence no matter what, especially depending on the circumstances. (like, if the abbey was manipulating things to create daemons or therions) yuri's like...a deeply conflicted character full of self loathing, so, being a daemon really suits him. i think that malevolence would only grow as he sees the world and the abbey for what it really is. unlike someone like rose, yuri NEVER feels unconflicted about Doing Murders.

flynn in canon is pretty conflicted himself of course but i see him as similar to eleanor who can sometimes produce malevolence but has a certain purity of heart that keeps them as pretty good vessel material. nowhere near someone like sorey or rose, and definitely wouldn't have had enough resonance pre-artorius' plot to see anything. also i think the brain trauma and being picked up by the abbey leads to him having very clear purpose and a black and white view for some time, so that helps. (look, let me be real with you, half of the impetus for this au was "it would be funny if flynn had like, religious trauma")

design notes not on the sheets: - yuri's daemonblighted skin is cooler to the touch than his regular skin. but he's a guy with cold hands regardless - i've got purple highlights in his eyes but i think of them as glinting purple in the light. like an animal i guess? - yuri's outfit is mostly inspired by his spirit gear in rays, aside from his normal game canon outfit. - estelle is pulling from a lot of different abbey associated characters but mostly her own design...i didn't want to give her something weird like A FUCKING COLLAR especially bc she's not given to A WEIRDO EXORCIST but i wanted some kind of symbol of captivity so i went instead for a golden mask. pulling from the common malak's gold mask/helmets and seres' mask. in canon a lot of estelle's arc is about being sheltered so i feel like covering her eyes feels, appropriate? idk. - i think yuri still gives estelle her nickname but she wouldn't start out as estellise so its more like yuri gives her a name - you may notice she has the flame of purification (does that have a different proper name? blanking on it) which kind of implies that she's connected to innominat. please don't ask me to elaborate on that point because i literally don't know yet. i think if i were to make her a normal elementally aligned malak she'd be water like her spirit gear in rays, but it feels like she should be Special just like how she's a child of the full moon in canon. we just, haven't really figured out, does the berseria cast still exist, are we replacing them, what would that look like, etc. sorry that stuff should be more important to the concept but we are simply playing with the dolls. teehee

[levyfiles]

watcher love time: what’s your favourite thing about each of the founders?

What a sexually-attractive question, em; thanks for asking

Steven Lim: He's so resilient. His experiences socially have made him so that even his trauma responses to being bullied and pranked as a kid are compassionate and reflective. He is always endeavouring to be better than he was the year before. He is loyal beyond belief and honestly, if I had known more people whose faith guided them into kindness, acceptance and self-sacrifice the way it does for him, I'd have a whole different perspective on religious belief as a whole. He's also funny in a way you can't train into someone and I also like how he navigates social situations in the most relatable way. He makes PodWatcher the most fun for me.

Ryan Bergara: He's forever curious in a way that makes me believe youth in anyone can be preserved in the spirit. I don't know how to make it clear to the world that I might just let this man get away with murder. He probably would have a good reason idk lol but facetiousness aside, he's a damn hard worker. Like I find work ethic in a person to be such an attractive thing. His hyperfixations are unapologetic and it makes me genuinely respect him. He's beautiful both on the inside and out and his form of comedy is so unique that sometimes it's like a car crash I can't look away from. He aspires to do good by others and he has such a strong principled perspective on his relationships with his family, spouse and friends that he has what I truly believe, is a hero's heart. He's brave in a way that defies logic and all his pathological barriers.

Shane Madej: He aspires so much be kind that I can sometimes see how the effort paralyses him to be more proactive socially. His curiosity is only paralleled in Ryan but he has such a very visible love for the world, for humanity, for stories that I can understand why people find him charming and soothing and I can understand that that is the reason he doesn't mind spending a quarter of his career hunting for ghosts because it's more about the experience of traveling and being with friends and doing a job that brings joy to other people than it is about being right. He feels like someone you could trust with a secret whether low stakes or high. I like that he has a unique voice when he sings and he's leaned into it to the point where 30% of his career is now singing.

Thank you again for asking this, Em. It gave me a nice opportunity to detangle myself from my own threads of hurt and upset to remember the reason I'm here and why I have been since 2018.

[ribcagecavityy]

some mostly gruesome facts abt my creepypasta oc alette because shes always on my mind

she is a vegetarian but after slenderman made her a cannibal she can only stomach a bit of non human food before she throws up

think like tokyo ghoul how the dude vomits trying to eat normal food,, its like that but she can eat normal food, just not much

shes rlly skinny bc she tries to avoid eating humans as much as possible and only lives on small portions of vegetarian meals,, but slenderman always forces her to eat someone eventually so she doesnt die

her cannibalism works sorta like vampires, she is always fighting the urge to eat people,, sometimes she loses and goes into a sort of meat frenzy where she sinks her teeth into ANYONE. she is also aware when it happens,, she just loses control of her body and helplessly watches in the backseat of her own head

shes always rlly ashamed after so she carries a muzzle everywhere just in case she snaps around people

her closest friends have at least one scar from her trying to eat them,, she starts crying whenever she sees it bc her brain goes “remember when you tried to eat someone you love”

she ate her parents so she is lwk traumatised. but also… relieved..?

she never hates ppl bc shes too nice, except slenderman bc he made her a monster

she was raised on a farm in a tiny Louisiana village and everyone thought she was rlly creepy since she didnt talk much

her parents were rlly religious and pretty awful people (murderers) but they rlly loved their daughter and were actually good parents!

which is why she is so conflicted abt the fact the ate them,, they protected her and adored her but they killed people

like one of the villagers thought it would be funny to teach her to use a shotgun when she was 7,, she accidentally shot an animal and had a meltdown abt it so her parents chopped him up and fed him to their pigs

and shes pretty sure they then sold the pork from that pig to his family

you can see why shes vegetarian

now for some normal ones hehe

her fave colour is dusty pink and parchment (dusty, yellowish white)

her aesthetic is very southern religious trauma meets gloomy coquette,, think like allison harvard

she has selective/situational mutism teehee

she also has social anxiety which makes her stutter when she does speak,, nd she has pretty severe panic attacks abt everything

and i mean everything like if she accidentally steps on a snail she will have a panic attack

she puts pink ribbons on her shoes and bags,, if she has a friend she will shyly tie a pink ribbon somewhere on their person (wrist, ankle, shoe, clothes etcetera)

she likes a lot of music but she loves lana del ray, crystal castles, bôa, grimes, pastel ghost and cigarettes after sex the most

im gonna write more later but this is the basics :3c

[mrpagesfrontispiece]

there’s something that makes me really quite sad

You see, I am a deeply religious person. My faith is the core of my identity, and without it, I would not be nearly the same person I am today, assuming that I was still alive at all. I love God, I love God’s Church, I’ve memorized the Apostolic and Nicene Creeds, (Yes, I know, not the Athenasian one, how shameful of me) and a perhaps unusual percentage of people I know are employees of one religious organization or another. I am also, as it happens, very queer. I’ve got approximately as many flags as a vessel utilized by the U.S. Navy, pronouns, a deep fear of being myself around close family members, the whole shebang. Those two aspects of myself are rather intertwined. Being an Episcopalian, that’s easier for me than a lot of people, but it isn’t an exaggeration to say that I would probably still believe I was a man if I hadn’t read the Bible. For years, the only place I could live as myself was my church, judged by God alone- and God tends to be gentle in God’s judgements. The first person I came out to was my priest, you see. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Oh, they’re going to talk about how sad it is that the church at large doesn’t accept their kind how tragic how misguided they are” yeah no. Those types are heretics and they will be purged just as soon as I can get the Tenth Crusade launched, but they aren’t the topic today.

Like most queer people, a great deal of my friends are queer. And that’s great! All wonderful people, I love them to death. But, as it happens, many of them have been burned by organized religion, as our type tend to be so unfortunately frequently. (Now, I would joke that this of course makes them ripe for conversion to the true Anglican faith, but you can’t really make those jokes around people who haven’t already taken that step. It’s insensitive, you see.) And those traumas often cause a great antipathy to Christianity, and that’s what causes me this anguish. I gush about my love of the liturgy of the Easter Vigil and the beauty of the Eucharist and they shrink away, quieting like flowers in a cold snap. And I know they mean nothing by it, I’m sure they hardly notice themselves, but at times they’ll drop a remark denigrating the Church, my Church, (in the sense that all Christians are participants in the Universal (not Roman!) Catholic Church) or the practices of religion itself, and it hurts me. It’s as if a pin is plunged into my heart, just a prick of pain but pain nonetheless. I can, of course, take criticism of my religion. We have stood strong for two thousand years and will stand as long as God wills it against every sort of ridicule and critique. But it’s just that it hurts so much more when it’s people close to you saying it.

outside of my various religious organizations, I have precisely one friend who can relate to that dual identity, of a religious person and a queer person, but the funny thing is that he isn’t actually Christian, but then the other Abrahamic faiths are close enough. I consider him one of my closest friends because of that. It’s rare to have someone you can relate to on so many levels, especially when you feel so isolated from other people in those spheres sometimes. You know who you are, you’re excellent.

anyway. I just wish that I could share that aspect of myself with more of my friends. I’m sure that they’ll heal their wounds with time, and grow less hostile to the faith. Perhaps if they’re lucky, they’ll fall into the Religious Trauma-Episcopalian Pipeline! But they haven’t done that yet, and so I can only wait, wait and hide my heart. Ironic.

[evil-alex]

i NEEED to remake this

intro post... im so c ool

some of this is outdated so like. yah

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SO !!!! my names are EVIL or ALEX or C00LKIDD or TWO TIME or SUBSPACE or AEREIS if u knew me when i went by dragoon feel free 2 use that too

prnouns are HE / THEY / IT / XEY / AEREIS / STAR / SPAWN . no she her or i jeff the killer you. ok. trans masc and aerispecic

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kins are C00LKIDD, BLUUDUD, SHEDLETSKY, NOOB, CONTRACTEE, BUILDERMAN (forsaken), MR WPNZ (smg4) SUBSPACE, BROKER (phighting), AIRY (hfjone), WHITEOUT (wof), STAR (tbotv), ARTIFICER (rainworld), V1 (ultrakill), AEREIS (creatures of sonaria), RUST_010 (roblox myths), CYAN (horse racing test), GRIAN (lives series) theres others but idc. big ones, medium kins, light kins, questioning . they fluctuate a Lot .

MINOR!!! grahhh pls no be weird...

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I FORGOT. ART TAG IS #evil alex art UMMM. YEAH.! even muy like. sketches r in it. i mighy make a seperate blog for art sometime

i vent Lightly sometimes (? not sure how 2 word) but most of it is on anothr blog Euuuurrm. older vent posts have the '#vent' though js incase

MY DSICORD IS .evil.alex. uuhjmm i deny random requests so like lmk if u wanna send a req. I love talking to my Frieands:)

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MOOTS. MUTUALS. PEOPLE WHO ARE AWARE OF MY EXISTENCE. ALL OF YOU. I WILL PUT YOU ON THE NICE LIST IF YOU @ ME ON SUBSPACE POSTS. ANY KIND. RAMBLING ABT HIM JUST ART I DONT CARE HE IS AN INFESTATION IN MY BRAIN. IDC IF U TAG ME IN STUFF IVE SEEN ALREADY ILL STILL GO WILD OVER IT. THE SAME GOES FOR TWO TIME IF U @ ME ON TWO TIME ART OR RAMBLES OR ANYTHING RELATED TO THEM ILL GIVES U A BIG HUG

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i. really like THESE things: DIALTOWN, FORSAKEN, PK CIV, TBOTV, IN STARS AND TIME, REGRETEVATOR, PHIGHTING, ULTRAKILL!!!!, PHIGHTING AGAIN, OBJECT SHOWS(hfjone, ii), CLASS OF 09, RAINWORLD, CREATURE SURVIVAL GAMES(audaciga, sonaria, a few wip ones),,, WARRIORS and OMORI KINDA (mostly js the art… ok)

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i like a lotta music artists: alex g, mitski, will wood, stomach book, femtanyl, gezebelle gaburgably, lemon demon, furry loser, the living tombstone, rmilk in the microwave, the crane wives, and tryna get into nin recently

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DNI !! uuh THE USUAL. people who like gettin freaky with MINORS... proshippers/comshippers, antifurries/antitherians, queerphobics, zoos. the usual.. if you do the "two time is borijgn as shit!!" DONT FUCKING TALK TO ME that shit isnt fucking funny

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DO interact iif u like mmy interests because i Like to talk to people abt them

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@evil-toaster-strudel toaster strudel headmate blog. he is Very Small so he gets his own one. its Safe and Sound okay? be nice to him

@evil-c00lkidd coolkidd bloig (forsaken). yah.

@creature-alex aereiskin blogging

@eviltwotime TWO TIME BLOG. LLALAALLAA

@thetrianglesdoyougetit self indulgent ✺ blog. idc.

@v1-ifitwascoolandawesome okauy. V1 blog. Go kill it idk

@greatscientistsubspacetmine also self indulgent subspace blog . i reblog stuff w/ him. im literally him irl

@reblogging-alex reblogging. and stuff.

i am usually open to conversation!!! i may be a tad bit silly though....

art comms OPEN KIND OF its just reqs. Mainly. i dont have a way to pay rn unless u wanna buy roblox warrior cats gamepasses for me

i hav autism n stuff.. heh... you could say im not like other people... also Maybe adhd. Family history n stuff. maybe other stuff (something trauma related. Lolz!) im kinda a fucked up liottle guy

GAY!!! GAY I LIKE BOYS. I LIKE MEN.

IM NOT A SYSTEM!! IM NOOTTTT! the humbel guys in muy head: jack he/it #jack tag two time they/it aerin they/it/xey/star star she/he (hasnt fronted inlike.. a month) guest 193 he/they/it toaster strudel any pronouns (slugpup #toaster tag bluudud he/him

we’re pro endo btw. dont engage in syscourse though PLEAAASE dont try to convince us that other peoples experiences arent valid

most of us Arent religious and stuff but two time is still devout to the spawn. Freaak

sorry if im tmi just lmk if i overshare. its kind hard to tell 4 me. i lioke to talk a lot

also if ur curious abt the characters i like or anything hmu... i WILL talk at you for extended periods of time abt the,,m...

ill make an actual strawpage again maybe. Later

FREE PS!!! 🍉🍉🍉i am unfortunately not able to donate anything but i wish all the best for every person affected 🙏🙏

[snellyfish]

Why is Angie your favourite character?

This is really funny I just got off call with Glownary and was talking about how much I don't miss Danganronpa discourse. Anyway I hope someone finds a way to get mad at me in this post!

((Admittedly I'd probably actually place Korekiyo above her because he ACTUALLY has a relevant and specified canon story,,, but, y'kno))

Plain and simple, she just has a handful of design and character tropes I super adore in characters! As a base, I'm usually not super into,,, well-adjusted, well-liked , reasonable, and rational characters. LMAO. They're fine but I live for exaggeration. I LOVE when they're little freaks and not watered down at all for the viewers sake/comfort, I love when they (both the writers and the written) just keep twisting the knife for no good reason other than the bit despite how unconventional it may be.

One could argue that her not being watered down and being as shitty to the other players as she is is a trauma response, or just a mentally ill person being mentally ill. It can be neat to think of her that way sometimes! It's of my opinion that almost all Danganronpa characters are super open-ended lore/personality-wise and we as fans are just making up canon as we go because it's FUCKING FUN, and, as such, all the ways that Angie can be interpreted is very interesting to me-- EVEN if that's seen as "the irredeemable annoying religion-force-feeding zealot antagonist." Which is, of course, an objectively awful way to view anyone REGARDLESS of media illiteracy, but, you know! I like weird freaks so this "flaw" they see is simply more food for me. Yippee!!

Whether I think she's canonically A) genuinely malicious and sadistic, B) traumatized from an abusive religious sect, C) honestly caring about the other players, and/or D) none/all of the above? I'll never tell! Oops all bangers!

Tropes I enjoy, whether or not I found myself enjoying them BECAUSE of Angie herself;;

Religion, especially if it's horrifying and...bad! (Most of my own characters deal heavily with religion and religious trauma, I think it's cool to play with, whether or not it's a fantasy religion like I think Angie's is)

CULTS! Cult behavior! Let's live in a commune!! (GUYS I LOVE MIDSOMMAR)

Dark skin / light hair contrast color combo goes hard!!!

+ The pansexual flag palette is literally my favorite color combo ever!!!!

Manipulative little shits!!!!!

Small scary women!!!!!!

Islander stuff, it's very nostalgic to me and I just have a deep love and appreciation for the beach and ocean!!!!!!!

Piercings!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cutesy sunshine character who could and would stab you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IDK HOW THIS WASN'T MY FIRST POINT!!!!!!!!!!

AND SHE'S JUST FUCKING SILLY!!!!!!!! SHE'S GENUINELY SO FUNNY AND CUTE ESPECIALLY IN HER INTERACTIONS WITH SHUICHI!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was an IMMEDIATE favorite when I played V3 and when I found out that, like, everyone fucking HATED her and she's probably the least liked character in the entire class by the fans, my brain immediately went the contrarian route to find reasons to like her even MORE. I tend to do this a lot, but when it's a character I already enjoy, it's even worse, dude.

ummmmm obligatory Shinnaga mention sorry but I frequently tend to appreciate a character a lot more based on potential dynamics alone. Ships, romantic or not, have legitimately gotten me to enjoy characters I hated before, based on interesting interactions unique to them alone. So while Kiyo and Angie's (they're making out btw) ingame dynamic and dialogues aren't REALLY what my sick and twisted mind views them as, it's worth noting that my honest belief and interpretation of the two of them could even give me a sliver of that dynamic being possible .......... means she's fuckin slay ............ it means love wins..... It means Vote For Yonaga 2024

[mortish-writes]

"ok rude?" was both funny and true! Aw, I love this fandom! Everyone is so chill, nurturing and engaged. I loveeee how raw the heretic’s story is but sometimes I wish I could pick her up and carry her away from the world too. I trust Valdricht and Serax will takeover that part for us though! She’s in good clawed immortal hands.

For other heretic stans like myself and because it was nice to see someone as soft for her as I am, I wanted to slide in and recommend some of Ethel Cain’s songs for any BoS Heretic playlists out there. I love the concept of the Darksinger songs and Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain is what I think Heretic’s first song would sound like! Super eerie and dark song writhe with religious trauma and fear of men wishing to break her -the inquisitors and raiders 👀- but then it turns viscerally raw with cathartic rage and cold somber death breaking through the fear at the end.

Strangers and Sun Bleached Flies are great songs for her too! Strangers fits her remorse and insecurities, and the way she sees herself as a curse or sickness. Sun Bleached Flies fits where she is right now in her second life and how she has no choice but to make peace with her past 100 years later - there’s several lyrics in this song where Ethel looks back at her life and points out the irony of what she was taught vs what she endured. I see many similarities in the heretic and ethel’s stories. Shared religious doubts and wishes to be free, the abuses they’re subjected to due to their pursuits of those wishes, the guilts they carry, and that even after their unjust deaths they both still search for a sliver of good and redemption from the world despite it giving them little reason to.

Anyways sorry I could yap about those songs and heretic forever. I know this is a juicy erotic romance story but I do love that BoS has darker complicated themes surrounding our dear ex-priestess. It’s unfortunately very relatable.

I tell my husband that all the time, I can't believe how awesome the IF community is in general. And yeah there are so many songs that are great for the Heretic. I think someone else has recommended Ethel Cain's songs for the MC, I'll have to dig through my notes. I'll definitely add those to my list of songs, I'm always happy to get new recs!

[jellolegos]

ngl I liked the fact Alicole had sex as well, Alicent took control of her sexuality and finally got to experience an orgasm, what’s not to love lol.

Unpopular opinion because I’ve seen this a lot in Rhaenicent fanfics and I’m not a fan: I don’t like the idea of sexually empowered Rhaenyra vs. virgin Alicent whose only consensual partner is Rhaenyra.

If Rhaenyra can have sex with men (that being said I don’t consider Daemyra consensual because he groomed her) then so can Alicent! It doesn’t change the fact that Rhaenicent’s love story is the heart of the show, it just means Alicent’s taking control of her bodily autonomy rather than standing around waiting for Rhaenyra.

Yea absolutely!

CW for mentions of sex below the cut :)

I think in my never ending attempt to really take my time and start to appreciate tv/movies as art, one of the things I've been thinking about for a while is how sex is shown in s1 vs s2 for Alicent. I haven't seen anyone mention it (although I'm sure they have), but there is really such a difference in how her relationship with Cole is shown, physically, compared to Viserys. Not only is she consensually engaging in sex with Cole, but the sex she is having is very clearly for her benefit (as well as his). She gets eaten out! and is literally on top of him! during their relationship, vs the clearly framed scene of her being crushed by Viserys. I am still a lesbian alicent truther but that relationship is so important (I see it as the closest to a comphet arc we'll ever get). The way it's framed in parallel to Rhaenyra's own liberation arc is really great :)

RE: Fic. I will be totally honest I haven't seen a whole lot of that trope in fic, but honestly I am not omniscient and it definitely could be there. While I can't say I've seen that one, it is a little bit funny the way things shake out in fanon, and also how they've changed post s1 vs. post s2, there are definitely some things that have become fanon that I'm not 100% on board with as well. But that's just what fandom is sometimes... we don't always have to be on the same page with all the minutiae, it's better if we aren't!

I do agree with you, although my idea of a modern Alicent is basically just a fuzzy grey outline, I don't see her as necessarily super sexually repressed. I always see Rhaenyra and Alicent together in the end, but their conflict and long separation is what makes them really compelling, I can absolutely see Alicent with other people in meantime. I think that trope may just come up because we don't really see Alicent with anyone else in canon. For her Rhaenyra will always be the one, partially because Viserys effectively placed her in amber at 14. I think a lot of people may also see her as very religious even in non-canon fic, resulting in her being super repressed and sheltered for that reason. I can definitely see the logic there but I can also see at least some of the way she clings to religion as an artefact of the intense trauma she undergoes with Viserys. She must be righteous, she must be right, or else all of this suffering was for nothing. She's definitely more religious than Otto, and I don't think it entirely impossible that would be part of the reason. Get rid of being a child bride in a modern fic and suddenly you have a very different Alicent with a very different relationship to sex, experimentation, etc.

[blue-thief]

respectfully asking you to drop those trans hcs for the bllk boys!!!

yeah sure ofc i'm so glad you asked!

i'll split them up based on which NEL team they're on for the sake of my own sanity

(i don't actually hc ALL of them to be trans so i'll just mention the ones i actually have a hc for lol)

bastard munchen

kaiser - THE most trans-coded of the bunch imo. like the whole thing with the blue rose tattoo to represent "turning the impossible into reality" and "defying the natural order of things". and his full name is "michael kaiser" which can be interpreted as "god's chosen emperor". there's no way bro was given that name at birth. he's also coded to have religious trauma which would become much more layered if you interpret him as trans. he's also, interestingly enough, the only one to NOT have a metal chain around his neck on his cover. he's the only one with glass. a lot of ppl have interpreted this as him having a fragile ego, but glass can also be taken to symbolize transformation (i just pulled this from a random website talking about the spiritual meaning of glass lmao). ALSO also him being annoyed by his long hair in ness's flashback. trans. plus his insecurity concerning how good he is in comparison to (who he perceives as) cis players just screams insecure trans masc who's relying too much on toxic masculinity to affirm his gender to his peers lmao.

ness - he totally thought he would have to fight his parents on this but they were surprisingly cool with it + even helped him w puberty blockers and stuff. he still hates them for the anti-magic stuff but at least they're not transphobic?

isagi - don't ask me to explain this i just get those vibes

noa - (reporter) "what is your opinion on trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports?" (noa, a trans man who transitioned wayy before he got famous) "i AM trans people with an unfair biological advantage in sports"

pxg

shidou - he just has bigender vibes man. japanese isn't big on third-person pronouns, but once he starts getting better at english, he'd def start collecting pronouns like pokemon cards. he figured out his identity through chainsaw man ("wow denji's just like me fr but so is angel devil but so is asa but so is-")

ubers

(i have nothing for any of the ubers. feel free to prove me wrong)

fc barcha

bachira - non-binary but he doesn't know it yet (any and all pronouns once he does figure it out)

manshine city

chigiri - peak gender, everyone confuses him for a girl. he uses masculine language, and while he sometimes acts annoyed when ppl call him princess, he doesn't bother correcting them. does anyone actually know chigiri's gender? no. does he know what it is? yes. will he tell anyone? no. he thinks it's funny to keep ppl guessing with the constant contradictions

reo - i didn't actually hc him as trans at first but the post i was complaining about earlier was dunking on this hc specifically so uhhh yeah he's trans now sorry i don't make the rules <3. his dad's company also pioneered top surgery that doesn't leave any scars which is why no one in bllk has any. like with ness, his dad is surprisingly not transphobic but he sucks in other ways lmao (but now that you think of it, his whole struggle with wanting to live a life completely different from what his parents had in mind for him IS a very trans-coded backstory)

[capseycartwright]

Excited for this fic of yours? Feel like sharing a snippet with us?

this is the only encouragement i need to share a snippet so here u go

catholic trauma eddie my most beloved

“Did you like it? Being religious.”

No one had ever asked Eddie that before.

“Yeah,” the admission surprised him. “When I was a kid, I loved it. I liked the music, more than anything, I think, but the community too – I never felt lonely. Not until I was a teenager, at least.”

“What made you feel lonely when you were a teenager?”

“I – I grew up in Texas in the early 2000s, Frank,” Eddie gave his therapist a wry smile. “The rest of the world was starting to progress, and it felt like you were seeing gay people on television, and none of that was acceptable to the world I lived in. I remember being fourteen years old, and lying in bed, crying under the covers, and wondering what would happen if I ran away to somewhere like New York – where it felt like you were allowed to be anyone you wanted to be.”

The admission made something constrict in Eddie’s chest. Fourteen. That’s how old Christopher was now, and if Eddie thought his son was lying in bed, alone, crying himself to sleep because he was terrified of feelings he couldn’t explain because no one had ever taught him the right words to understand himself, Eddie would be heartbroken. He was heartbroken – for the kid he had been and the adult he’d grown up to be because of those long nights he’d spent curled under his duvet, crying out to a God who didn’t love him for help.

Frank passed him a tissue.

Oh –

Eddie was crying.

“Who would you have been, if you had run away to New York?”

It was a funny thought, really. Eddie didn’t regret staying in Texas, because he had ended up with Christopher, and nothing in him would ever regret being Christopher’s father, but he sometimes thought about it, who he might have been if he’d been able to run away like he’d dreamed of.

“I’d be freer,” Eddie settled on, thinking of a version of himself uninhibited by the church, the army, all of the things that had kept him from living a life true to the one his fourteen-year-old self was so afraid of living.

“And what do you think is stopping you from being free now?”

“I’m afraid,” Eddie huffed out. “I’m terrified, Frank. I have spent thirty-two years of my life playing pretend, being the kind of man that people expect me to be. If I have to admit to everyone that version of me has been a lie, I’m terrified of what they might think – I’m scared of what my son will think of me. I’m afraid he’ll believe I never loved his mom, and I loved her, I really did. I’m terrified that my parents will think I’m not an acceptable kind of parent to raise my son. I’m scared that my sisters won’t want to know me, and that my abuela won’t call me her favourite anymore, and that the church I grew up in will lock its doors and never let me in again.”