#my relationship with my family has always been turbulent and I thought I had basically removed myself from it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blueskittlesart · 2 years ago

Note

omg wait- please give us your thoughts botw women!

im skipping zelda because i talk about her all the time but this is mipha, urbosa (and riju), impa, and purah lol. it's LONG so prepare yourself

mipha. ive said before that i think she was done dirty by the writers in that all of her characterization revolves around men. and i stand by that. i generally dislike the archetype of a physically small, softspoken female supporting character whose only role in the story is as a protector or healer--someone for the male characters to bounce their feelings off of. and i think mipha very often falls into this trope. with that being said, i do still think there is room for a nuanced analysis of her character because there IS nuance there it just gets lost a lot of the time because of how she's written. When thinking about her it's important to remember how zora age in relationship to humans. after a lot of math i place her at around 60ish years old physically, with that being the zora equivalent of a 14-16 year old hylian. she is INCREDIBLY young by zora standards but physically, she has lived longer than almost every non-zora she will ever meet. because of this, there's this dissonance between the way her family and kingdom view her vs the way her friends and colleagues view her. We see it most obviously in the champion's ballad dlc--when zelda speaks to mipha about piloting a divine beast, she speaks as though she's talking to an adult. but mipha's father is convinced she is far too young and inexperienced for this role. Mipha, in turn, is caught between these two differing perceptions of herself, to the point where she doesn't really KNOW what she's supposed to be. she takes on a protective role for those younger than her (sidon and link, specifically) and does her best to support zelda where she can, knowing that zelda likely views her as a senior, but she also often vant disguise the fact that she's still a child herself. she plays with sidon in the waterfall. she has a very childish, innocent schoolgirl crush on link. she's caught in between these two perceptions of herself and because she is, for all intents and purposes, mentally fifteen years old, she doesn't quite know how to handle it. The fact that zora live on a totally different time scale compared to other hyrulian races isn't something that would normally pose much of a struggle for them, because zora's domain is deliberately isolated from those other races. zora could likely go a generation or two without ever needing to interact with non-zora at all, beyond the occasional stray traveler. (remember how when you're working your way towards zora's domain post-calamity, you meet a bunch of zora who are super excited to see a hylian at all? most of those zora look to be in early adulthood, meaning by my math they'd be about a hundred years old. post-calamity, zora's domain clearly returns to that same brand of isolation, so most of these zora have probably never interacted with a hylian at all.) but because mipha happened to be born into such a turbulent era, she finds herself having to interact with these other races more than basically any zora ruler might have had to for the past several thousand years. which is why she has so much trouble with link. from her perspective, he changes SO fast. she meets him one day a wide-eyed child and the next he comes back to her a silent, traumatized soldier. she's hardly aged a day but he has experienced a lifetime of things she can't begin to understand and she has NO IDEA how to talk to him anymore. When they interact, she switches awkwardly between treating him like the child she knew and attempting to fix the trauma he's been through without her, but it's always with the goal of getting things BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE. she is completely incapable of moving on from the past relationship with link that she remembers because as far as she's concerned, it's only been a miniscule amount of time since then. due to the nature of her race, mipha is basically doomed to be stuck in a past that link can never return to. god. i wish they explored her character more in-game im going to lose my mind

urbosa is SUCH a good character. agh. her narrative purpose is essentially to be an actual POSITIVE mentor to zelda, which. let's be honest. without her that poor girl would absolutely not have made it to seventeen. jesus christ. Anyways urbosa is everything zelda wants to be. A strong, independent, powerful ruling force that her people rely on and look to in times of need. she is completely self-assured and confident and she is quite honestly literally the only positive influence on zelda's life. Urbosa is a character well into adulthood, who we can assume has long since grown into herself and found her way. Which is why she is SUCH an important character for zelda, yes, but for ALL the young champions who are just. so desperate for a positive force in their lives. She's so GOOD at what she does, too. urbosa is a woman who was meant to be a mother in one way or another, i think, because the way she handles the kids she's working with is really thoughtful and well-done, ESPECIALLY when compared to the other dogshit adults in their lives. She allows zelda more compassion than anyone else has ever seen fit to give her, and when zelda DOES mess up, urbosa offers gentle but firm redirection. (in aoc specifically, she notices zelda comparing herself to link and immediately shuts it down, WITHOUT making zelda feel stupid or inferior.) she does the exact same thing, albeit less overtly, with link, who she obviously has a lot of compassion for despite being kind of at odds with him over zelda. I think she and link are actually incredibly similar characters--stubborn, a little bit showy, and generally unwilling to admit defeat in any situation. She's uniquely positioned to be able to relate to both him AND zelda, as a ruler AND a soldier. And i think she's completely aware of how similar she is to link, which is why when she pushes him, she does it in a calculated way so that he never takes it as a challenge or an attack. she never outright tells him "this is why zelda dislikes you, you need to work on your communication skills" she talks to him about zelda's childhood in plain terms because she knows that breaking down link's mental wall between himself and zelda by evoking empathy is the way to get the two of them to fucking COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER. i really think every game should have an overwhelmingly positive female mentor figure like urbosa. she is so good

in relation to urbosa, we then have riju, the youngest and only female of the new champions. she is fourteen years old and she has been thrust into a position of leadership and she works so hard to project that same confidence and maturity that was urbosa's staple. and to her credit she ALMOST gets there but she's fourteen and no fourteen year old is capable of performing adulthood perfectly. Riju's projected personality feels very much like she's regurgitating stories she was told about her ancestors. Urbosa was strong, urbosa was fearless, urbosa commanded lightning, urbosa stepped up to serve the knight and princess when asked. but, crucially, urbosa was not fourteen. riju's insecurities about filling urbosa's shoes are incredibly evident, but she seems to do her best work when she drops the pretense and acts as herself. there's a reason she had us fight naboris on sand seals--they're a source of comfort to her. something she KNOWS she can act confident about. there was no acting involved in her pursuit of naboris--she KNEW she was good with that seal. there's also something to be said about the successor to urbosa, the mentor, being an inexperienced little girl. riju clings to the stories of the champion chief who came before her because she desperately needs a mentor. I wish urbosa could meet her for real she deserves a mom

impa. i. well i wish 90% of her characterization didn't come from hyrule warriors bc i honestly dont like how she was written all that much. i think they had a really strong framework to build off of in botw but aoc just kind of. took it in a direction i wasn't a huge fan of. anyway. impa is sheikah, a race descended from the original protectors of the goddess hylia. Interestingly, in botw the sheikah have been almost completely integrated into hylian society, with kakariko village being mostly sheikah who live like regular hylians. it seems like very few of them actually follow the ways of their ancestors, in contrast to other games where sheikah were only ever warrior bodyguards of the goddess hylia's bloodline. Impa is, presumably, one of the few sheikah who continues to follow the teachings of her ancestors and serve the royal family. this... honestly causes a dillemma if you think about it for more than a few seconds, because, since most sheikah live as regular citizens now, in place of sheikah bodyguards the hylian royal family has an extensive royal guard, eliminating the need for sheikah warriors like impa almost entirely. i can only assume this is why she was relegated to basically 'haha funny quirky ninja sidekick' in hyrule warriors. but personally i think it would have been much more interesting to use this as a commentary on the state of hyrule and even to give her some more obvious internal conflict!! hyrule has until now been in a ten thousand year era of peace. it's no wonder most sheikah settled down and gave up on the whole bodyguard thing. they might have even believed there wasn't going to be another demise incarnation for them to take action against, especially after ten thousand years without any whisper of conflict. to most sheikah, pursuing their traditional martial arts and continuing to serve the royal family would likely begin to feel like a waste of time. for some reason, though, impa didn't feel this way. ten thousand years after the last conflict between demise and hylia's descendants, impa still chooses to train as a sheikah warrior and serve the royal family. why?? my personal headcanon is that she was drawn to the myth of ancient hyrule in the same way that purah was drawn to its technology. purah is the more obvious nerd of the sisters, but i think impa's choice to pursue sheikah martial arts HAD to have its basis in an interest in the creation myth. She is also one of the few characters in botw who explicitly KNOWS and can convey to you the myth in its entirety, or at least, as much of the myth as had survived by the time she began studying it. So here we have a young sheikah girl who is incredibly interested in her own culture as it relates to the myth of hyrule and she's basically singlehandedly attempting to revive a part of it that's been nearly completely lost, all amidst this incredibly tense political environment in which her peoples' past inventions are also being dug up and revived by the royal family with like... seemingly very little care to the context in which they were made or why they might have been buried in the first place. like, in this climate which shows a subtle but obvious disregard for her culture, impa is loudly, deliberately returning to her roots. that's SO INTERESTING!! if aoc had leaned into it more, we could have had moments where impa contemplates her place among the royal guardsmen and the champions--she's not quite one of them, but they have a mutual goal and, in the case of the champions, their lives are all deeply intertwined with the myth of hyrule; or even a bit of commentary on the political climate of hyrule pre-calamity and how fucking horrible it was. i REALLY wish they had explored this more it could have been so cool

PURAH. people think im insane when i tell them shes in my top five loz characters of all time but i am literally obsessed with her i dont care that shes a random new addition to botw only. i think she is a really interesting way to introduce and lead into the idea of ancient sheikah technology. considering how important ancient sheikah tech is to the worldbuilding of botw, giving the player a sheikah scientist guide to walk you through it all is a smart way to go about introducing it. beyond that, though, i think as a character she serves as a reminder of hyrule before the calamity--cheerful and carefree despite the obvious dark implications of her actions. when you first go to meet her you find out along the way that the kids in hateno are scared of her; they think she's a ghost or something along those lines. she is eccentric and strange and she just sort of... glosses over the entire series of events that led both her and link to their present situation, because by de-aging herself, accidentally or not, she has become stuck perpetually in the mindset of pre-calamity hyrule. She still views sheikah tech as something interesting to be studied and played with while most sane people in hyrule view it as nothing but an incredible danger. she's super intelligent, but can't quite break out of the scientist mentality enough to acknowledge the harm the tech she so obviously loves is capable of causing. the de-aging and the bubbly personality are likely a coping mechanism, i think, though maybe not a conscious one. she's remaining frozen in time forever, deliberately refusing to think about the damage she might have caused. I don't think she's ENTIRELY in denial though, if only because she helps link when he asks for it. she's been waiting for a hundred years, never quite sure if the shrine of resurrection worked or if she laid link to rest forever in that cave, so she does whatever she can to keep living, preparing for the worst. When link DOES reappear, it's a genuine shock, to the point that she cant quite let go of the denial she's been using to keep herself going for the past 100 years. but just because she expected the worst doesn't mean she can't work with a better outcome, it just means she isn't quite prepared to deal with it perfectly, which is why she seems frozen in time when you interact with her in botw.

#WOMENNNNN. AGH #loz has a bad track record with female characters but the botw girls are so genuinely good. i love it #zelda analysis #asks

193 notes · View notes

tinysushimark · 4 years ago

Text

Best Part (MK)

Fluff, 1.3k words

"You were cute." You giggled as you turned the page to the album.

"What do you mean were?" Mark scoffed at you. "You're hot now."

You giggled, a small blush spread across his face and he looked away. "Don't say that." He said and took out another photo album from the drawer near his bedside.

You looked through his baby pictures and smiled. "Your brother was cute too." You said cooing at the pictures. "I definitely would've played with you if i met you as a baby."

"You're younger than me though." Mark looked at you, eyes wide. "Can you just let me have it?" He nodded his head and stared down at the pictures too.

"This one is my first day at kindergarten, and this is my first time at church." Mark pointed at pictures and smiled.

The first time you had visited Canada two years ago, he didn't let you meet his parents. He was with you the entire time and he took you out to see tourist spots in Vancouver. You thought he wasn't ready to tell his parents about your Relationship, so you didn't push it either, he'd take you to them when he wanted to, willingly.

This time round he was totally different when he got to know that you'll go to Vancouver. He was excited because even he had gotten a break and he really wanted to see his parents.

"My mom makes the best food." His eyes sparkled when he told you about his childhood bedroom, the church he used to visit, the small vegetable garden his mom had behind the kitchen and many more things that you could listen to for hours. He talked about his childhood for the first time in the so many years that you had known him. Of course you knew the basics of his childhood, where he grew up, small anecdotes which he'd tell you time to time, but he had never spoken about how he grew up in such detail before.

He was telling you about the first time he read a verse in church and then stopped in between, "It's boring, isn't it?"

"No baby, it's interesting." He looked into your eyes again for clarification. "All Passengers boarding to Vancouver, Boarding starts." The voice boomed through the speaker and Mark looked at you, "Then i fell from the stairs while walking down after reading it."

You laughed in his face, "You what?"

"Yeah, i fell." He said and laughed with you.

You laid down on his childhood bed, soaking all the wood in, his family was probably obsessed with wood, there was a wooden flooring and even the wall against Mark's bed somehow seemed to be made out of wood.

"What are you looking at?" Mark laid down next to you.

"You have those little glowy things on the roof." You said pointing to the roof, "You can't sleep with pillows, but there's a bunch of pillows." You said pulling the pillow he had under his head to yourself.

"There's a lot of wood in your home." You turned to him and he shrugged.

"Dad likes wood works."

You nodded slowly, letting it all sink in.

"You grew up here?"

"Uh huh."

"What's your mom making?"

"I dont really know, probably all my favourites."

He smiled at you.

"Mark, what if your mom hates me already?"

"You just said hi and i took you upstairs to see my room, what is there to hate?"

A sigh escaped your lips, you knew you were overthinking, Mark's mom was pretty welcoming and she had smiled at you a very warm smile, asking how the flight was and then going on about how much she hates the turbulence before telling Mark to show you around.

"The fact that i stole her son even though he's always with me anyways?"

Mark sighed, "I'm here for another month. Plus i told her a lot about you."

"I think we should help her in the kitchen." You sat up and looked at him, his face scrunched.

"She doesn't like anyone in her kitchen, just like you. Here, look at my baby pictures." Mark handed you the album which was placed on his bedside.

"What did you want to do when you came back to your childhood bedroom?" You asked him, he was still looking down at the album and he smiled ear to ear at a picture before he processed what you asked.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Like, something you wanna show me here or something you wanna do?"

"I wanna make out with you in my childhood bedroom." He said eyes boring into yours and unwilling you slapped him. "You dirty minded boy. Your parents are downstairs and i can see the cross to your childhood church from here." You snickered at him and a smirk broke across his face. "I wasn't joking."

"Yeah, shut up."

"Ok but in all seriousness, i want you to see this." He went inside his closet and got a guitar case and your eyes sparkled, "Is this your first guitar?"

"Yes." He pulled it out of it's cover and placed it own his lap, the strings seemed like they had been changed recently and he smiled, "Mom takes care of my guitar." He played some chords and then played a song you both sung together.

click here💖 💫

You don't know, babe

When you hold me

And kiss me slowly

It's the sweetest thing

And it don't change

If I had it my way

You would know that you are

You sung, your eyes closing, the guitar was definitely old. You could feel it's age through the way its tune came out so raw and clear. It moulded into his arms like the guitar was made just for him to hold and you couldn't help but smile when he sang with you. His eyes were closed too, letting himself get lost in the music.

You're my water when I'm stuck in the desert

You're the Tylenol I take when my head hurts

You're the sunshine on my life

I just wanna see how beautiful you are

You know that I see it

I know you're a star

Where you go I follow

No matter how far

If life is a movie

Then you're the best part, oh oh oh

You're the best part, oh oh oh

Best part

You both were so lost in the tunes that you didn't notice when Mark's mom came and leaned against the door frame watching you two sing. When the song ended Mark's eyes searched for yours. "I love you." He said staring deeply into your eyes.

"I love you too." You smiled at him. He meant it, everytime he said it, he meant it and more so from the last time he uttered those words.

You were reassured that he loves you everytime he said he loves you, a satisfaction spread across your chest, knowing that he'll fight for you and your happiness. His smiles healed you through and through, and you could watch his eyes crinkle and sparkle each day and you'd still be as fond as you were the moment your eyes fell upon him.

His mother coughed to make her presence known. She walked in slowly, hands wiping at her apron, she sat down on Mark's bed and smiled. You could see where he got his infamous smile from.

"I see you've found your guitar." Mark nodded and smiled back at her.

"That was beautiful, i didn't want you two to stop but lunch is ready."

When Mark's mom asked him to go ahead and set the plates, Mark couldnt say no. She sat where Mark first sat and her hands slowly held yours.

"I believe I can trust only you with my boy's heart." She smiled at you and caressed your hand.

"I've never heard him sing in such a beautiful harmony before."

Her smile grew wider and she caressed your cheek. "You've been in this house for one hour and I have already seen my son smile the most he has in the past 5 years."

"Welcome to the family." She smiled and held your hand leading you down to the kitchen.

Read More: Masterlist

look at this picture of mark when he was a baby ㅠ.ㅠ

250 notes · View notes

sokkagatekeeper · 4 years ago

Note

what do you think sokka and katara would think of bakoda? i haven’t seen much thoughtful analysis of it and it always frustrates me bc they’re clearly somewhat resentful of their father for leaving in their own ways so for him to leave, at least in part or in sokka/katara’s young eyes, because of kya’s murder, and then come back in a relationship with a fellow warrior i feel like would be a lot and i can’t see them accepting that so easily

this is like a month old god bless. anyway!

assuming bato and hakoda enter a relationship somewhat during/recently after the war when the wound is still fresh, i do think katara would be resentful of it, like anon said, not bc bato is a man or anything but bc 1. katara is very attached to the memory of her mother, and often gets defensive when she feels the memory of her is being disrespected or dismissed, like when the gaang had been already acclimating to zuko where katara couldn’t separate the image of him from the man who killed her mother and took it as a personal offence bc to katara everything is personal, or when sokka, who lost the same mother the same way, didn’t want revenge the same desperate way katara thought she did, and 2. katara resents her father for leaving them and tells him so, even though she rationally knows leaving was something hakoda had to do given the circumstances, and that he did not leave them willingly, katara does feel betrayed.

for this, i think katara would indeed feel betrayed and hesitant to welcome bato into the family in that particular way rather than a close friend of her father’s, and i do believe she would feel as if the role of her mother was being dismissed once again. she rationally knows, this is not happening, but katara guides herself through her emotions, as u can see. i think she would try to find a shelter in sokka in that sense (bc sokka is dealing with this in his own way just bear with me) since sokka is keeping pretty quiet about the whole thing, and katara obviously feels more comfortable/at ease/confidant/whatever around sokka than hakoda.

she and bato & hakoda would go through a very turbulent period of adaptation for a few months perhaps? (since the situation with hakoda at the start of book three was more urgent and katara hadn’t seen her father in years, she did miss him and didn’t want to be angry at him for so long, this time around katara would feel more safe in her own anger. in my opinion) until katara is ready to open up about how she feels about the entire situation. after this, things do start to settle down in a sort of peace, although i believe bato would still have to work his way into katara’s trust the way she trusted him before for a couple of years.

and because katara and sokka are different people (which so many of you refuse to understand. for some reason??) i think sokka’s reaction would be somewhat different than katara’s in the sense that sokka would put the focus on bato, rather than kya. sokka looks up to hakoda an enormous deal; in sokka’s eyes, hakoda is the prime example of a man, a warrior and a leader, and everything sokka should aspire to be. while he does unlearn to compare every single thing he does to how hakoda would do them and learns to value his own personal qualities for what they are independant of the idea of his father, the idolization of his person will always sort of be there existing deep down in sokka’s brain.

sokka also deals with a bunch of internalized homophobia throughout the show given his previous belief that women couldn’t be strong and men couldn’t be weak and so anything that broke that norm was fundamentally flawed. the idea of hakoda, sokka’s picture perfect of a man and masculinity, is in love with and dating another man would indeed mess with sokka a little bit. i believe he would need some time to consider the situation and reconcile his idea of hakoda with the man that hakoda actually is, sokka’s own bisexuality with hakoda’s, the entire concept of masculinity itself again, just many dots to connect. he stays quiet about it, maybe cracks a few jokes, represses any conflicting feelings he could have about kya and bato. then again beyond the idolization of hakoda that sokka makes, he also feels more at ease with katara than with hakoda bc they basically raised each other, so he would also put a lot of focus on how katara feels about this entire thing, which hakoda & bato might misunderstand as sokka feeling the exact same way as katara which is. an issue.

sokka comes to his senses eventually, probably after a talk with hakoda about his relationship with bato and how he dealt with the entire thing, and moves on as if nothing had happened. while initially katara would be hurt and angry, sokka would be confused and conflicted. while katara grows more and more accepting and understanding with time, sokka... well!

sokka has a tendency to repress his negative emotions. while he does complain about trivial inconveniences, he never brings up the things that actually affect him. he doesn’t show any resentment towards hakoda for leaving, but he does have reasons to be resentful. sokka’s problem throughout the show is that he doesn’t understand that he’s a child and deserved to have a childhood. he puts all the responsibility he must on his shoulders and deals with it the way he can, he never gets angry about this burden of his like katara does, yknow, like any eldest sibling. it would take a long while before sokka is ready to understand that what he went through was unfair and that he’s allowed to grieve his mother and be angry at hakoda for leaving him in charge of an entire community at the age of 13. while i have my doubts on whether or not sokka would even allow himself to have this (as like, an eldest sibling myself) i do allow myself a little wishful thinking. so when that entire weight of those years of unfairness hit sokka, this might have an effect on his feelings & perspective on hakoda’s relationship w/ bato, but i can’t rlly imagine any specifics of this scenario, merely the reason why this would happen at all. then again this is just speculation, so who’s to say!!

#not proof read <3 if u see a typo its actually bc i invented a new word #asks #anon #anon i am so sorry LMAO i took so long 2 answer this for like no reason #n #katara #sokka #hakoda #bakoda #(??#headcanons #after the war #sokka&katara #swt #long post

92 notes · View notes

kwsuji · 3 years ago

Text

HELLO FRIENDS I AM SUPER HYPE TO BE HERE. let me introduce to you my baby noh suji, also known as hannah noh, also known as hannahyes on youtube and on tiktok! she’s a decently popular youtuber (just short of 1mil subs!) and has a decent following on tiktok as well. her about page is here and i don’t have a plots page but i will Attempt to get one up maybe

i’ll put some info up about her under the cut but PLS LIKE THIS TO PLOT!!! i would Like to keep my plotting through tumblr ims bc i get very mixed up outside of them hahaha

basic/bg info vague alcohol tw

she’s from seongnam, south korea which is just outside of seoul

her family is middle-class, a bit closer to the upper side but not much

she was raised an only child but she had one cousin who was her age that she’s still close to to this day

her parents were happy together and she thought they had the perfect relationship

around middle school, her dad was going through Some Shit and turned to alcohol and she watched her parents’ “Perfect Relationship” go completely down the drain and they struggled for a while through that

it took a few years but her dad eventually made it through that but her image of her Perfect Parents was completely ruined

eventually during high school, they ended up telling her that they were going through an amicable divorce and stuff

this kind of ruins her ideas on romance in general, but she finds that her parents ended up just staying friends and she saw them both quite a lot (not together until around her graduation but having them both in her life was a big thing for her)

she starts at kyungwon as a communications major because her youtube channel (see next part) is slowly starting to gain traction and she decides that if she should probably have a backup career in case her youtube doesn’t take off but it’s good enough for some pocket money/cash to save up with

she does one semester at kyungwon and then does one year abroad in canada at the university of british columbia

which is coincidentally where she meets jinwoo and long story short—they’ve been dating for almost 1.5 years now

she’s been back for about a year now, finishing her 5th semester

she’s also in the dance club and has been since she started at kyungwon

about her!

so she’s really good at being a fake extrovert despite being introverted

like she likes talking to people and making new friends but ultimately she’s happy to just be at home in bed in her pajamas scrolling tiktok tbh

but she’ll talk to anyone! she’s self-proclaimed “good at smalltalk” but mun isn’t so pls don’t make me thread it

generally has good friends????

she’s in the dance club and that’s literally it but she’s been there for a few years now and always enjoys it and is likely friends with everyone there

about her youtube channel/tiktok

she’s basically a mix of rachhloveslife (specifically this) and joanday (with things like this)

aka she tests recipes and different hacks and random things she found on tiktok as well as does random vlogs

she started her channel when she started high school, mostly because she was going through a somewhat turbulent time and wanted to record it for herself

she started with vlogs and she also wanted to practice english since her mom is a gyopo and she had learned it since she was young

she does a lot of vlogs like this where she just spoke english the whole day, usually walking around hongdae or itaewon

she gained a following because she had a video where she went to a kpop group’s fanmeeting go viral and also another video of her speaking english

she also vlogged a lot in english when she was in canada

now that she’s back she’s mostly doing the testing videos, but she still vlogs when she’s 1) bored or 2) going to interesting places

her tiktok account is mostly just her doing dance challenges

and sometimes pranking jinwoo with her friends

but she’s 1) pretty and 2) good at dancing so she has a decent amount of followers on there too

she doesn’t promote either account on the other but if anyone knows her from one or the other she’s happy

idk how this got so long sdkjfgkjdhsf

plot ideas

y’all knew this was coming but anyone who’s watched her youtube videos LOL

exes 👁️ (pre-dec 2020)

honestly she’s not a bad student but she tends to do the “i’m working on my career” and her career is ... the youtube channel so anyone who doesn’t really think that’s a real career is welcome to give her their two cents tbh

dance buddies!! dance is definitely a stress reliever for her so anyone who wants to join her

wow this was supposed to be bare minimum and i didn’t even get there

uhhh probably friends in general

canada friends????

friends she made by walking up to them while they were speaking english and suji going “hi can i practice my english with you” LMAO

tbh i’m better at brainstorming so let’s brainstorm

if u read all this ily

#kw:intro #( wowowow this is long lmao )#( sunflower house — ooc )

13 notes · View notes

xofanfics · 3 years ago

Text

Selfish - Part 16

Genre: angst, fluff

Pairing: Jun x Reader / Chan x Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Summary: You love them both and you’re torn. But…what if you didn’t have to choose?

You felt like Chan was avoiding you and you didn’t know why. He ended up changing his flight and staying in Jeju for an extra day, saying he wanted to spend more time with his family. You understood but it felt a little out of the blue. So you flew back to Seoul with Jun.

It’d been a week since you’d been back and you barely saw Chan. You’d eaten at a restaurant for dinner and he declined your invitation to sleep over at your house. He said that he had work to do but he’d never declined one of your invitations and, in the past, having to do work never stopped him from coming over. If anything, he’d just bring his laptop and books with him, at least wanting to be in your presence. But you didn’t want to complain or come off as petty over this. Chan must’ve just wanted more alone time. Maybe he was stressed about work or school or both. But part of you felt hurt because, normally, he’d always come to you during those times. Something changed but you weren’t sure what.

You weren’t going to lie, you’d been in a weird mood since. You hated feeling like he was mad at you or something. So, Jun suffered a bit too. And you felt bad that you couldn’t give him your all. And he knew that there was something off with you. The trip you thought was supposed to be relaxing ended up not being as relaxing as you would’ve hoped, especially given that Chan had joined unexpectedly. You supposed that it caused a little turbulence in your lives. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything, you wondered. Maybe you should’ve just kept the trip as one with Jun. But, then again, it seemed like everyone had a good time. And you knew that Chan wasn’t there the whole time but you also knew he hadn’t seen his family in a while. It was hard to tell how everyone felt truly. Was this all just a facade?

It was nine o��clock and you knew that Chan was working at the cafe tonight. You figured you’d just show up with chocolate covered strawberries and hope that you could convince him to let you sleep over. You missed him and you missed falling asleep in his arms.

As you walked toward the cafe, you could see him through the window. There weren’t any customers at this point. He was wiping down the tables, from what you could see. And he looked handsome while doing it. He looked concentrated, his eyebrows furrowed the same way they did when he was frustrated or thinking. When you knocked on the glass, you could tell that he wasn’t expecting you. He took out his Airpods, surprised. He opened the door, letting you in before locking it again. “What are you doing here?” he asked, little to no emotion in his tone.

“I miss you,” you said, a little taken aback by his tone, or lack thereof, “and I wanted to see you. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me…”

Chan turned around, heading back toward the table he was cleaning. “You could’ve called me.”

“I wanted to surprise you...but it doesn’t seem like you’re happy to see me so maybe I’ll just go…” You took the box of chocolate covered strawberries out of your bag, placing it on the table. “Enjoy them.” You turned on your heel to leave and, just before you got to the lock, Chan’s hand was wrapped around your arm.

“Don’t go.”

Tears were starting to build up in your eyes. Chan was usually the one that always greeted you warmly, the one that always showered you with love and affection, the one who always seemed to know what you needed no matter the time or place. You bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears.

“Baby,” Chan said, frowning at the sight of you tearing up. “Please, I’m sorry…I’ve just been in this weird space lately. I don’t mean to take it out on you...”

You raised your brows. “What do you mean?”

“There’s just…something that happened to me recently that made me rethink things.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

You shook your head. “You’re the happiest person I know…and I know when you’re not being honest with me.”

Chan looked down. “I know. I just…don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Does what happened have something to do with something I did?”

He shook his head. “No, no, it’s not that…''

To be honest, Chan was tired of keeping this secret. It was hardly his to be carrying on his shoulders like this. This was all Jun’s fault. Why was he the one to be suffering when Jun was the one living stress-free? Why was it that he was still protecting Jun like this? Chan was the one who was done dirty and he was sick of putting everyone else first. Even if you were hurt by this information, you deserved to know the truth and to not sleep next to someone who hadn’t been completely honest with you.

“So what is it, then?”

“I want to close up first. I’ll be done in five. We can talk as soon as I close the cafe.”

And within those few minutes, your mind started racing. You didn’t have the slightest clue what Chan wanted to talk about. It seemed like he was going through something and, on top of that, he’d even distanced himself from you. Did what he was going through have to do with something you did?

Chan closed up the cafe and locked the doors. “Okay, let’s go.” You started walking toward Chan’s building, which was about a ten minute walk from the cafe.

As you started walking around the corner, Chan said, “I haven’t been completely honest with you…” You bit your lip, expecting the worst. “Remember when I said I had family stuff to deal with in Jeju?” You nodded, unsure of where this conversation was heading. “That wasn’t true.”

“So why did you leave? I thought you were having a good time…”

“Well you know we’d all been drinking. Jun had been drinking the most and I saw that when he went over to the bar by himself. I went over to bring him back over to the dance floor with us while you were in the bathroom. He said some things that made me uncomfortable even though I was doing my best to be friendly and include him in everything…” Chan let out a sigh. “He implied that the only reason he agreed to me coming on the trip was to make you happy. He basically didn’t want me there. He got angry and told me that I’m your favorite and that he never gets time alone with you, which is ridiculous. The part that made me upset was the fact that he basically lied and put on this pretend act. If he wasn’t okay with it, he could’ve just been honest and said no. I-I don’t know how to feel. I can see him trying to push me out. I had to leave because I didn’t want to ruin the trip, so I kept my distance and let him have his time with you...which, I guess, was his plan. And it worked.”

Tears had been building up in Chan’s eyes as he told the story. He’d kept a lot of it in up until now and, honestly speaking, it felt nice to be able to be honest with you. He hated the situation that he was in. He felt more secure about being in this polyamorous relation ship with you and Jun but Jun didn’t seem to be okay with it at all. And it hurt him because he felt like Jun had basically pretended to be cordial with him. Chan wondered what you saw in him. What Jun did just seemed so...evil. Was Jun finally showing his true colors? Would you forgive him yet again?

You stopped him to pull him into a hug. “I...I didn’t know…”

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, babe.” Those words were comforting and, with them, came a few tears. You could hear it. “Thank you for telling me...and for trying to protect me. You don’t have to hide things like that from me, I promise. I love you so much, Chan…”

He pulled away from you and you wiped his tears with your thumbs. He smiled and said, “I love you, too, Y/N…”

You left Chan’s house in the morning feeling a little confused and, by the time work was over, you still felt frustrated. You didn’t know what to think of the situation with Jun. It seemed like there was some turbulence in the relationship and you weren’t sure what to do next. Of course, you needed to bring this up with Jun. You couldn’t sit back and let this simmer on the back burner.

You opened the door to the nail salon. Na-Ri was there a little early, waiting for you. “Well, well, well, look who it is...The person I’ve hardly heard from since you got back.”

“Sorry,” you said, chuckling. “Things have been kinda crazy.”

The two of you checked in for your nail appointments and headed to the back of the salon to get your pedicures done. When you got settled and dipped your feet in the warm water, you turned to Na-Ri. “You won’t believe what I just found out...”

Na-Ri looked over, putting her phone down. “What’s up?”

“Remember when I said we went to dinner that first night in Jeju? The three of us? Well, everything was fine up until we went to dinner. That’s when things started getting a little weird. Actually, no, things were a little weird before that but I didn’t put two and two together at the time…I think it started when Jun fell asleep at the hotel. Me and Chan stayed up for a little bit and then we fell asleep, too. When I woke up Jun was gone and I think he might’ve been feeling jealous that me and Chan fell asleep together. Then he just got really...drunk at dinner. If we had ordered another bottle of wine, I don’t think Jun would’ve made it to the bar.”

You continued your story as you flipped through the catalog to decide on what colors you wanted. “I always try to make sure I spend enough time with both of them. Next thing I know, I go to the bathroom and then when I come back, Chan is telling me he has family issues to go and take care of and that I should stay with Jun. At the time I thought it was kind of weird and random but, at the same time, it could’ve been true so I believed it. In the past, his dad collapsed from overworking, so it was believable. Anyway, I went back to the hotel with Jun and he just acted like everything was normal after that.”

Before you could continue, Na-Ri stopped you. “Did Chan invite himself on the trip?”

“Not exactly. I was talking to him and I told him what we were doing. I guess he kind of implied that it sounded like fun and he wanted to go. So I asked Jun about it...and that’s when the lie started...I asked if Chan could come with us because I thought that it would be a good idea for us to bond. And it was supposed to be Chan’s weekend with me so I felt bad. Anyway, Jun said it was fine and that it was okay. If he didn’t want him to come, he could’ve just said no…”

Na-Ri said, “What the hell? Where’s the communication?”

“Exactly…”

“Have you talked to Jun about any of this?”

You shook your head. “I just found out last night.”

“Good luck. I don't know how you do it. One man is enough problems for me.”

You chuckled. “I don’t know how I do it either…”

“Maybe it was too soon to try this kind of relationship...”

You let out a deep sigh. “We’ve been doing this for months...I don’t know how much longer he could possibly need.”

“Well if you think about it, you haven't really done anything together, with just the three of you. So maybe it was a bit much to go on a trip together. I think it’s something you have to ease into. Like going on dates together, to the movies, to the amusement park, and stuff like that. Cause it seemed like everything between them was pretty much fine–well, neutral–before this. I don’t think he gets jealous until Chan is physically there...and, I mean, that’s not good either.”

“Yeah, you’re right. We’ll have to work on that if this is going to work.”

“Yeah, it’s the next step in the relationship. You got past the beginning stages so now the next step is for them to be more comfortable around each other and to do more things together.”

Na-Ri was right. You were still angry with Jun and the fact that he hadn’t been honest with you or with Chan. Jun’s selfish actions had hurt you but, more importantly, his actions hurt Chan. From what you could see, Chan had been trying to be friends with Jun. He’d been putting in effort, only to be rejected by Jun in the end. And Chan knew that feeling all too well.

It had been months since you came up with this arrangement and Jun was acting more like a child than an adult. But you couldn’t help but feel like part of what was happening right now was your fault. Since this was your idea, you should’ve had a better plan. But you weren’t an expert and neither were Jun or Chan. Was it too much to expect this much from them?

You probably should’ve been trying to do more things together rather than keeping things separate. Keeping things separate wasn’t realistic and, obviously, it wasn’t working. The relationship was going to have to undergo some changes if there was going to be any chance of survival. You needed to figure things out but, first, you definitely needed to talk to Jun.

When you asked Jun if you could have dinner later, he thought nothing of it. He answered your message, of course, suggesting that you come over to cook. But, strangely enough, you declined saying that you’d rather go out to eat. It was a little surprising since you usually enjoyed making dinner together but he thought little of it. He told you to meet him at your favorite restaurant to have some Taiwanese noodle soup.

He waited for you inside, browsing the menu. He’d been here once with you but, as far as he knew, it was a place that Chan had introduced you to. Sometimes Jun couldn’t help but feel like you had more in common with Chan than you did with him. Jun pushed the thought out of his head. Those small insecure thoughts were beginning to annoy him a bit. He was starting to feel bad about the things he’d said to Chan. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so harsh. Maybe he should’ve been more mature and accepted things as they were rather than mope about the things he couldn’t change.

Was this kind of relationship for him? Was he too in over his head? Was it even meant for the two of you to be together right now, with or without Chan in the picture? He loved you, without a doubt, but sometimes he wondered if all of this was worth it. He missed when things were simple, when it was just the two of you. Before you’d even met Chan in the first place. Part of him wished he never accepted that job or went to Japan. But maybe everything that was happening to him now were things that needed to happen.

You came into the restaurant looking a little stressed, bringing Jun into a state of distress. Were you here to break up with him? Had you finally had enough of his shit? You sat down across from him and said, “Hey.”

Normally, you’d embrace him. You’d reach across the table and brush your fingers against his hands. You’d lean over for a kiss, something. But you weren’t doing that. Jun’s heart dropped. Something was definitely wrong but he wasn’t sure what.

Jun tried to lighten up the mood. “Are you okay? How was your day?”

“I’m okay. My day was decent.”

Jun nodded. “Your nails look nice,” he said, glancing at your hands. “This color looks good on you.”

“Thanks,” you said, taking a sip of water. “Look, can we talk about something serious?”

“What’s going on?”

“Chan told me everything…”

Jun looked down. Of course, he knew that he was in the wrong. Deep down, he’d known that this day was coming. How could he think a secret this big would stay a secret? He’d wanted to come clean and apologize about it, mostly to Chan because he’d done nothing wrong in the situation. In any case, Chan was merely a victim of Jun’s insecurities.

Jun didn’t say anything so you did. “If you wanted it to just be us, why lie to me? I would’ve understood.”

Jun let out a deep sigh. “I don’t have an excuse for why I did it…” He looked up at you, finally. There was so much hurt and disappointment in your eyes, he could barely stand to see it. “I just couldn't bring myself to see you disappointed so I lied and I tried to convince myself that I could do it but I couldn’t...Then it got too late to say anything, so I just tried to swallow it. And I became a person I couldn’t recognize by the end of it all…”

“You hurt me, Jun, and you hurt Chan, too…”

Jun nodded. “I know…”

You reached for his hand, taking it in yours. “It’s okay to feel these kinds of things but it’s not okay to act like that. We agreed to this relationship and for it to work, the three of us have to have some type of communication.”

Jun said, “I’m sorry…I’ll also apologize to Chan. I’ll talk to him tonight. I really am sorry, Y/N...”

You looked him in his eyes, almost as if you were staring into the deepest, most vulnerable parts of him. “I need to know if you’re all in.”

Jun squeezed your hand in his. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t afraid of losing you. But he nodded, continuing on through these unknown waters.

After dinner, you went home despite Jun’s suggestion of coming over. He understood and he wanted to give you your space but he couldn’t help but feel like there was suddenly this giant rift in your relationship. It was his fault, he knew. But he missed you. He missed the way things were, just before the trip. So much had changed and it’d only been about a week. One of the ways he usually made himself feel better was to find comfort in your arms. When he had a hard day, he’d go over to your place or you’d come to his. And you’d hold him in your arms, running your fingers through his hair. But again, that wasn’t an option for him right now.

He knew he needed to apologize to Chan soon. If he didn’t apologize soon, he’d lose the nerve to do it and you’d be more disappointed in him than you already were. He took out his phone and called Chan, anxiety filling his chest. It rang five times and, just when he thought that maybe he should just hang up and forget it all, Chan answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I was wondering if you had time to talk.”

Though Jun couldn’t see him physically, Chan was rolling his eyes on the other end. “Sure. Do you mean over the phone or in person?”

“We should talk in person, no?”

“Okay. Where do you want to meet?”

“I can meet you near your place.”

“Okay. There’s a bar a few blocks away. I’ll send the address.”

The call was over and anxiety washed over Jun. He had no idea how to start or what to say. There was nothing he could say to take back those shitty things he said to Chan and there was nothing he could say to justify them. He was immature, insecure, all of those things. He hated that he put himself in this position and that he had to even apologize in the first place, but he knew that he couldn’t just sit quietly.

As Chan got ready, he felt very irritated. Of course, you’d already told him how the conversation with Jun went. He even felt annoyed at that. How many ways did that man have to show you that he wasn’t ready for this kind of relationship? It was so frustrating to sit back and watch Jun hurt you both. These feelings were no longer coming from a place of insecurity or jealousy; it was a place of genuine concern. It seemed like a good idea at first, but maybe this kind of relationship was beyond the three of you. Chan had done online searches trying to figure out how he should go about things but he always ended up in a loop where his question was too specific or there were too few answers for him to make an educated guess.

With the current state of things, he at least knew that he’d at least attempted some research. Had Jun even bothered to do research on what it meant to be in this kind of relationship? Chan knew that there were different types of people but he could see that Jun wasn’t the kind of person that could handle this. Once upon a time, Chan wasn’t either but he’d like to think that he’d grown since then. If being in a relationship with you and Jun had taught him anything at all, it was patience and he’d even gained a bit of maturity. At the end of the day, you needed a man who was mature, a man who made you feel secure and who felt secure in himself. Of course, Chan wasn’t perfect and he had moments where he felt insecure but, overall, Chan liked himself and the person he was becoming. He was becoming a better man, not only for you, but for himself as well.

When Jun entered the bar, Chan was already there. He was sitting by himself, having a cocktail. From the looks of it, it was dark liquor. It was one of those nights and Jun understood. Hell, he figured he’d order one for himself. He greeted Chan with a nod and sat down in the seat next to him.

“Hey,” Chan said, taking a swig from his glass.

“Hey,” Jun replied. He turned to the bartender. “Can I have the same thing?” he asked, referencing Chan’s nearly finished glass.

Chan downed the rest of his drink, sliding the glass toward the bartender. “And can I have another?”

A moment of silence passed before the bartender returned with both drinks. Jun let out a deep sigh before he turned to Chan. Chan didn’t look up, though, and understandably so, Jun supposed.

“I’m sorry for those things I said back in Jeju. I was completely out of line,” he started. “I know I can’t take any of it back but all of this happened because I wasn’t being honest. I wasn’t being honest with myself and I took it out on you instead, thinking you were the problem when I was the problem. I drank too much and I felt frustrated. I should’ve been honest with Y/N and told her I wasn’t comfortable.”

Chan nodded. His feelings about everything began to rise to the surface. “I’m not going to forgive you right away but I’ll accept your apology for now…” Jun didn’t say anything but nodded instead. He didn’t know what to say next. Was there anything left to say? Was the conversation over? Was this one of those instances where the conversation could’ve just been a phone call? Just when Jun thought that the conversation was over, Chan spoke again. “You know what was most upsetting about all of this? I thought we were finally at a point where we could be friends…I thought wow, we’re actually getting along.”

Hearing that made Jun feel even worse than he already did. He wanted to be able to be friends with Chan too but his insecurities were holding him back. In the ideal situation, the three of them would get along. In the ideal situation, he and Chan would be sitting at this bar having a drink together, laughing and sharing stories, while you were at home with no worries about whether or not your boyfriends would get into a fight. There wouldn’t be all this drama and conflict surrounding the relationship, for God’s sake!

Jun wanted to say something comforting. He wanted to tell him that he did want to be friends, believe it or not. But he couldn’t find the right words. The words, for some reason, wouldn’t leave his mouth. “I’m sorry…again.”

Chan was frustrated because it seemed like he didn’t even care. Was Jun here because you made him or was he here apologizing on his own accord? It was hard to think of him as a decent person after all the drama and lies about Malai and more recently, their Jeju trip. This was his second strike, in Chan’s eyes. If he did something else, Chan wouldn’t be able to forgive him. He couldn’t read Jun’s mind but it would be nice to know what he was thinking.

He said, “I don’t think you’re serious about this relationship. Have you considered it at all? If you’re serious about being with Y/N, you’re going to have to work harder. and I’m more than willing to support her to make this work. But if you’re having doubts or don’t think you can work with us, then you should leave us alone. Y/N is my priority. Why isn’t she yours?”

***

PLS COMMENT OR PM ME TO BE ADDED TO THE TAGLIST!

***

General Tag List (for all my updates): @to-all-the-stories-i-love @sweetnspicy-noona

Tag List (for Selfish): @coolpopcelebritiesvoid @hxnsoliee @daisyhwa

#a.c.e jun #a.c.e chan #a.c.e fluff #a.c.e smut #a.c.e angst #kpop angst #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop imagine #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #a.c.e imagines #a.c.e reactions #a.c.e fanfic #a.c.e fanfiction #kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #xofanfics

32 notes · View notes

zillennial97 · 4 years ago

Text

Enemies to Lovers | Larry Fanfic Recs

Walk That Mile by purpledaisy | 149k | Explicit

Harry stares at him, the line of his jaw standing out scarily. “I wanted to get the most out of this trip so I planned it carefully.” His voice is low and steady and somehow that’s worse than when he was yelling. “So far, you’ve put your sticky fingers on everything I’ve tried to do.”

“Sticky fingers?” Louis repeats, offended. “Are you saying it’s my fault you got stung by a bee? Had you been alone you would have gotten halfway to the Dotty Diner and ran the car off the road because of an allergic reaction, so don’t go blaming me.”

“Polk-A-Dot Drive In,” Harry spits before getting out of the car. He slams the door shut with a deafening reverb and Louis rolls his eyes.- A Route 66 AU where falling in love was never part of the plan.

Unbelievers by isthatyoularry | 136k | Explicit

It’s Louis’ senior year, and he’s dead set on doing it right. However, along with his pair of cleats, a healthy dose of sarcasm and his ridiculous best friend, he’s also got a complicated family, a terrifyingly uncertain future, and a mortal enemy making his life just that much worse. Mortal enemies “with benefits” was not exactly the plan.

Or: The one where Louis and Harry definitely aren’t friends, and football is everything.

we're not friends, we could be anything by nooelgallagher, yoursongonmyheart | 115k | Explicit

Louis narrows his eyes at Harry. “What that supposed to be a fucking joke?”

Harry narrows his eyes right back. “It was a good joke.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Jokes require laughter, Curls.” Louis glances down at Harry’s thighs again, Christ. “Your pants must be so tight they’re restricting airflow to your brain.”

Harry wipes a bead of sweat off his forehead. “Pretty sure yoga is supposed to increase airflow, blood flow, and all that,” he responds dryly, finally jumpstarting himself and walking away from Louis towards his own bedroom.

Louis can’t help but stare at his broad back, still sheen with drying sweat, and his perky bum in the tight yoga pants.

Louis swallows. Christ.

...Or, the one where Harry and Louis are unlikely uni flatmates who definitely don't like each other and definitely won't fall in love (even if Liam and Niall think otherwise).

Our Lives, Non-Fiction by indiaalphawhiskey | 113k | Explicit

Heralded as the next Neil Gaiman, Louis Tomlinson does not appreciate being told that his very serious novel is in dire need of a PR boost. Even worse, that it comes in the form of a joint book tour with the UK’s #1 online romance-writing sensation Marcel Styles. Already turbulent at best, their partnership takes a drastic turn when, overly stressed about his looming deadline, Marcel accidentally blurts out a secret: though he’s famed for his scorching hot literary love scenes, he is, actually, a virgin.

Convinced that the only way to rid himself of writer’s block is to gain some experience, Marcel asks Louis, author-to-author, to sleep with him – for Science. And of course Louis agrees because, well, what on Earth could possibly go wrong?

Or, a lesson in romance that proves that sometimes the best love stories aren’t always by the book.

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can't Lose by dolce_piccante | 112k | Mature

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Dance to the Distortion by Lis (domesticharry) | 96k | Explicit

Louis accidentally breaks Harry's camera lens and in order to get it fixed, they decide to participate in a romantic couples study. The only issue is that they are not actually couple. Well that and the fact they cannot stand each other.

You’ve Got My Devotion (Hate You Sometimes) by lucythegoosey | 95k | Explicit

Harry was in the biggest boy band in the world. He was also one half of the best (or worst, depends on who you ask) kept secret relationship in the music industry.

Now, almost five years on, after One Direction has broken up, and Harry and Louis' relationship has as well, a video threatens to put everything at risk.

One determined Irishman, a massive publicity stunt and two begrudging exes are all it takes to bring One Direction back to life and maybe, just maybe, Harry and Louis' mangled love life too.

Or: Harry and Louis are forced to fake-date after an old video from when they were dating emerges.

The Sidelines by RedRidingStiles | 47k | Explicit

"Alright, I know you guys are the best of friends but I'd like you to do this for the rest of the team,” Cowell says, making the rest of the team snicker. "So I want both of you to compliment each other." "I hate your trainers. I mean that in the nicest way possible. They're very...yellow," Louis says, arms crossed as he offers a fake close-lipped grin. "It's really nice of you to blow anyone you find slightly attractive," Harry replies, a sickening sweet smile on his lips. "Thank you, children, let me remind you this is a college hockey team. Try again," Coach says, completely unamused.

Or Harry and Louis play hockey for Penn state and can't stand one another, since they can't keep their hatred off the ice their coach and team do what they can to keep their hard earned spot in the playoffs and their two star players from killing each other

Wonderwall by AFangirlFantasy | 43k | General Audiences

Taking the sheet cluttered with times available for the next few weeks, Louis notices a pattern in the list. The name of the person Perrie had just mentioned: Harry Styles. It’s written at least seven times, and three of which are during timeframes Louis wants.

“Who the fuck is Harry Styles?”

“You’re about to find out,” she answers, pointing over Louis’ shoulder.

Or a Love/Hate College AU where Louis Tomlinson is the lead singer of The Rogue - the most popular band on campus - and Harry Styles is the talented Freshman unknowingly challenging all that.

All the Right Moves by cherrystreet | 32k | Explicit

This is the third game in a row that Harry has been distracted by the noisy boy in the stands, five rows back.

There’s really no reason that he should feel compelled to stare into the audience as frequently as he is, but he can’t help it. This boy is a nuisance. And he’s loud. Even from basketball court with nine other players running by him, shoes squeaking on the shiny hardwood floor, and thousands of cheering college students, Harry can hear this boy nearly shrieking, his laugh more like a cackle than anything.

It’s seriously obnoxious.

Nicotine by KrisStylinson | 32k | Explicit

"We're two different types of people, Liam. He likes sex and drugs, I like theater and tea. Trust me, we'd never date." Except they would, they do, and neither of them plans on letting go anytime soon.

"Just because you can get me hard doesn't mean I like you," Louis whispered. The fact was, he didn't like Harry right now, not at all. Not even a bit.

"Yeah, yeah," Harry murmured, his breath fanning over Louis' cock as he spoke. "You done telling me how much you hate me so I can suck you off?"

Like Candy In My Veins by littlelouishiccups | 31k | Explicit

“Um…” Harry said slowly after a moment. “Okay. That’s… this is… Let me get this straight.” He lifted up a hand and swallowed. “You told your family that you have a boyfriend… and my name was the first one you thought of?” “Harry Potter was on TV, alright? It wasn’t that much of a stretch.” Louis pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he was explaining himself to Harry fucking Styles. He couldn’t believe he was stooping this low. “Forget it. I’m sorry I even thought about bringing you into this.”

Harry snorted. “What? Did you want me to pretend to be your boyfriend or something?”

(Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.)

We're Like Bumper Cars by sincehewaseighteen | 31k | Explicit

“I have won, I won the final cross country. I win, Harry--”

“Whoever gets to fucking nationals wins it, pretty boy,” Harry teases. “You haven’t won. Interhouse is nothing compared to nationals, or interstate. You haven’t even won interschool. You can dream all you fucking want that you’ve won.”

Louis becomes so ignorant he decides to no longer eye the boy taunting him. “Trophies prove it all, Styles.”

“Where’s your trophy for biggest asshole?”

“Where’s yours for winning cross country?”

Harry growls before hooking his fingers in Louis’ belt loops and bringing them together for a flat kiss.

Or the AU where Louis and Harry are rivals of the century and Cross Country competitors before things get complicated and they play pretend.

After Hours by Velvetoscar for shipsdrifting | 26k | Not Rated

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are the bane of each other's existences. Unfortunately, they're already in love--even if they aren't completely aware of this minor detail.

[A "You've Got Mail" AU]

When It's Late At Night by Rearviewdreamer | 25k | Mature

Louis has zero interest in an ex-boybander turned solo artist when his appearance on the show gets announced, but that's exactly who he gets stuck with when Harry Styles shows up at the Late Late show to promote the release of his debut album. For an entire fucking week.

The Late Late prompt that we all need to get through this excruciatingly hard time.

Love Me Please by angelichl | 23k | Explicit

Louis hates Harry, which is fine because he would really rather prefer to avoid him at all costs.

The only problem?

They're soulmates.

runnin' like you did by orphan_account | 20k | Explicit

“Should we tell him?”

When Lauren is met with everyone either nodding their heads or shrugging, she takes a deep breath. “I mean, I think it’s pretty obvious by now.” She stalls, sounding ominous and Louis doesn’t like it one bit.

“What is obvious by now?” Louis asks. He’s starting getting anxious. “I swear to God, spit it out. Stop being so damn cryptic.”

“I—We think it’s pretty obvious that you’re in love with Harry,” she states simply and shrugs as if she isn’t telling him he’s in love with the second—Nick being the first—most annoying person on the planet.

or, a college au where Louis knows how to hold a grudge and is definitely not in love with Harry Styles

Three French Hems by 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews | 20k | Mature

In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

once bitten and twice shy by pinkcords | 19k | Mature

This time as his stomach rolls, there’s no doubt about it. He’s going to vomit. And if he does, it’ll be on Louis’ shoes, a nice little parting gift to go with the embarrassment he’s caused the both of them. “I’m gonna throw up,” he says just as Louis turns to look at him, blue eyes swimming with shock and confusion, and asks, “Is that true?”

Or, in a rush of bravery only senior year can bring, Harry confesses his feelings in a letter to his neighbor and best friend, Louis, only for the entire school to hear it and laugh him out of their small town in Wisconsin. Ten years later, Harry's a successful lawyer at Columbia Records, coming home for Christmas for the first time since he departed for college. He plans to work his way through the trip, eat his mom's cooking, and avoid everyone from his past for as long as possible. The only problem is best laid plans hardly ever go as intended.

That's How I Know by allwaswell16 | 19k | Explicit

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

Get Off of My Cloud by Marora_Daris | 9k | Explicit

Harry is the most annoying neighbour that sexually frustrated Louis could have. Niall decides it's a good idea to handcuff them together.

Featuring guinea pigs, animal print leggings and inappropriate boners.

Erase My History, (Expo)se Me by BayouSexual, pacificrimjob for Edandcurly | 6k | Teen And Up Audiences

“My hair does not smell like strawberries.”

Louis blinks up at Mr. Styles. “I never said your hair smells like strawberries. How would I even know that?” Harry’s hair does smell like strawberries, Harry himself smells like strawberries, everyone who’s been within three feet of him knows this. ~~~~~~~~ Or the one where Harry and Louis both teacher history, their students think they should date, and one pink dry-erase marker is trying to ruin their lives (with a little help of course).

#larry fanfiction recommendations #larry fanfic rec #larry fic #larry fanfiction #larry stylinson #louis tomlinson #harry styles #one direction fanfiction #one direction fanfic recs #larry fanfiction masterpost #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends to lovers #hate to love #enemies with benefits

156 notes · View notes

thesembers · 3 years ago

Text

lyric analysis that nobody asked for

last words of a shooting star by mitski

(my personal interpretation) !!

“last words of a shooting star” is a song that describes the point of view of herslef on a plane that is unexpectly crashing; the pilot explains that they are all going to die due to the unexpected turbulence. the lyrics go in depth of how she is feeling and her last thoughts while awaiting her certain death.

there are many ways that thing song can be interpreted, firstly being the literal meaning of the plane going down. she states that she is glad that she had left her room clean so that when her family cleans out her room, they think only of her neat and ordered self. she left a good last impression on people. thats as far as that meaning goes in my opinion.

my personal belief is that this song is actually about suicide. apologies from the intercom represents the people trying to help her from her suicidal thoughts, but it had already been too late because the plane is already crashing. i am relieved that I had left my room tidy could either mean that she is content with the fact that people will think of her kindly due to her always leaving good impressions or that it is a teenage suicide because teenegers often worry about the small things like their parents having to tidy their room once they are gone.

mitski also goes on to talk about how the room that she had left clean was actually a place that she had had terrible thoughts that nobody would know about because of the way she had left it; almost like a mask that people wear to be perceived a certain way by people. in this same stanza she says that her dreams made music in the night which in my opinion, means that her only escape from the “blood sniffing sharks” in her room was sleep. i also think that those dreams made her believe that the reality of life wasn’t all that bad and that maybe she would live. this also could mean that she had very big dreams and wanted to live to achieve them.

in the third stanza she describes the connection between her and someone she loves. i believe in these lyrics, she explains how lonely it actually was to be loved. that some people don’t care much for the love for the other person but rather the idea of loving another person, hence the line “and youd say you love me and look in my eyes but i know through mine you were looking in yours.” she says that this person wasn’t looking at her, but at themselves to see if they were mirroring a good relationship partner, like in the movies.

mitski makes a note to the liberty bell being a replica because it represents a person. the idea of the fake liberty bell replicated a person who shows a completely different person on the outside rather than showing whats within. they have to be a fake person and show a bright expression for the sake of others and not ruining the fun, much like the liberty bell.

thee last stanza goes on to explain how she had wanted to die clean and pretty but was never actually able to because she is too busy, therefore being thankful that the plane is crashing unexpectedly so she didn’t have to worry about it anymore. i think this means that her thoughts were unexpected and she didn’t think she would actually do it. i think she had some regret because she said it was unexpected and she still had some work to do for herself before dying, but then realized that the work that she had wanted to do was now meaningless to her because she was going to die anyways hence the line “i couldn’t have changed anyways”

this song as a whole has a lot to do with faking perception and being perceived a certain way to hide what youre thinking within whilst also dealing with the thoughts on your own and how in this case she had dealt with them by killing herself.

it shows mental illness and i really enjoyed the way she showcased it in the scene of a plane crash. the plane crash itself can also be interpreted as she was so close to the destination also known as the “dreams that made music in the night” but before she could get there, the plane had crashed. she also said that those dreams were the only thing keeping her alive so it could also mean that her not making it to her destination (dream) would mean she had nothing else to live for hence her dying at the end.

okay this may seem a little insane but I also think that the placement of the stanzas have a lot to do with the song itself. at first she talks about the plane being announced to crash, then in the second third and fourth stanza she talked about her life story staring with her basic room where she had grown up, first relationship, how she had forced herself to be someone she isn’t throughout her life, and finally her life being filled with busywork and no time for herself. it all goes in order to explain how her life went, which this is super clever because it is assumed that your life flashes before your eyes when you know you are going to die.

#mitski #last words of a shooting star #lyrics

36 notes · View notes

firstfullmoon · 5 years ago

Note

Do you have favorite quotes related about the importance of small details?

“The precious intimacy of little things.”

— Daphné du Maurier, I Will Never Be Young Again

“On my windowsill when I got home, there was a tumbler with pink jelly in it, and embedded in the jelly, sliced strawberries and bananas… [my neighbour] cooks at odd hours. She must have made the strawberry jelly this morning. When I buy baklava, which is not often because I eat too many, I leave a few for her on her windowsill, with a headscarf over them so the wasps don’t come. For these little gifts we don’t thank each other with words. They are commas of care.”

— John Berger, From A to X: A Story in Letters

“I suppose I could spend time theorizing how it is that people are not bad to each other, but that’s really not the point. The point is that in almost every instance of our lives, our social lives, we are, if we pay attention, in the midst of an almost constant, if subtle, caretaking. Holding open doors. Offering elbows at crosswalks. Letting someone else go first. Helping with the heavy bags. Reaching what’s too high, or what’s been dropped. Pulling someone back to their feet. Stopping at the car wreck, at the struck dog. The alternating merge, also known as the zipper. This caretaking is our default mode and it’s always a lie that convinces us to act or believe otherwise. Always.”

“One of the woman was gently arranging an older woman’s collar beneath her sweater, freeing it from the cardigan’s neck, using both of her hands to jostle it free but also seeming to spend a little more time than necessary, creasing the fold of the collar, the other hand kind of resting on her shoulder, the two of them chatting the whole time, sitting there holding each other, nodding, my head twisting toward them like a sunflower as I finished the stairs and walked by, so in love was I with this common flourish of love, this everyday human light.”

“but her need to share the photo with me [...] smiling and looking at it, smiling and looking at me looking at it, me smiling and looking at her looking at it, which is simply called sharing what we love, what we find beautiful, which is an ethics.”

— Ross Gay, The Book of Delights

“He’s got a fever. He’s all alone. So I’m gonna buy him something to eat.” “The congee downstairs is quite good.” “He doesn’t want congee.” “What does he want?” “Can’t taste anything so he wants sesame syrup.” [...] “What are you cooking?” “I had a sudden craving for sesame syrup.”

“Why did you call me at the office today?” “I had nothing to do. I wanted to hear your voice.”

— In the Mood for Love, dir. Wong Kar-Wai

— Danusha Laméris, “Small Kindnesses”

“It all matters. That someone turns out the lamp, picks up the windblown wrapper, says hello to the invalid, pays at the unattended lot, listens to the repeated tale, folds the abandoned laundry, plays the game fairly, tells the story honestly, acknowledges help, gives credit, says good night, resists temptation, wipes the counter, waits at the yellow, makes the bed, tips the maid, remembers the illness, congratulates the victor, accepts the consequences, takes a stand, steps up, offers a hand, goes first, goes last, chooses the small portion, teaches the child, tends to the dying, comforts the grieving, removes the splinter, wipes the tear, directs the lost, touches the lonely, is the whole thing. What is most beautiful is least acknowledged. What is worth dying for is barely noticed.”

— Laura McBride, We Are Called to Rise

“I’ve never told you this,” she said. “But there’s something about taking the cart back instead of leaving it in the parking lot. I don’t know when this came to me; it was a few years ago. There’s a difference between leaving it where you empty it and taking it back to the front of the store. It’s significant.” “Because somebody has to take them in.” “Yes. And if you know that, and you do it for that one guy, you do something else. You join the world…You move out of your isolation and become universal.”

— Andre Dubus, “Out of the Snow”

“It’s true that, in Vietnamese, we rarely say I love you, and when we do, it is almost always in English. Care and love, for us, are pronounced clearest through service: plucking white hairs, pressing yourself on your son to absorb a plane’s turbulence and, therefore, his fear. Or now—as Lan called to me, “Little Dog, get over here and help me help your mother.” And we knelt on each side of you, rolling out the hardened cords in your upper arms, then down to your wrists, your fingers. For a moment almost too brief to matter, this made sense—that three people on the floor, connected to each other by touch, made something like the word family.”

— Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous: A Novel

— Ada Limón, from “The Great Blue Heron of Dunbar Road”

“I’m doing a balancing act with a stack of fresh fruit in my basket. I love you. I want us both to eat well.”

— Christopher Citro, from “Our Beautiful Life When It’s Filled WIth Shrieks”

“One of the primary ways we connect with each other is by eating together. Some of the connection happens simply by being in the same place at the same time and sharing the same food, but we also connect through specific actions, such as serving food to one another or making toasts: ‘May I offer you some potatoes?’ ‘Here’s to your health and happiness.’ Much of our fundamental well-being comes from the basic reassurance that there is a place for us at the table. We belong here. Here we are served and we serve others. Here we give and receive sustenance.”

— Edward Espe Brown, Tomato Blessings and Radish Teaching

“Attention is the beginning of devotion.”

“Now in the spring I kneel, I put my face into the packets of violets, the dampness, the freshness, the sense of ever-ness. Something is wrong, I know it, if I don’t keep my attention on eternity. May I be the tiniest nail in the house of the universe, tiny but useful. May I stay forever in the stream. May I look down upon the windflower and the bull thistle and the coreopsis with the greatest respect.”

“it is a serious thing

just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.”

— Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays / from “Invitation”

— Wendy Cope, “The Orange”

“After learning my flight was detained 4 hours, I heard the announcement: if anyone in the vicinity of gate 4-A understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately. Well—one pauses these days. Gate 4-A was my own gate. I went there. An older woman in full traditional Palestinian dress, just like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing loudly. Help, said the flight service person. Talk to her. What is her problem? We told her the flight was going to be four hours late and she did this. I put my arm around her and spoke to her haltingly. Shu dow-a, shu-biduck habibti, stani stani schway, min fadlick, sho bit se-wee? The minute she heard any words she knew—however poorly used—she stopped crying. She thought our flight had been canceled entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for some major medical treatment the following day. I said no, no, we’re fine, you’ll get there, just late. Who is picking you up? Let’s call him and tell him. We called her son and I spoke with him in English. I told him I would stay with his mother until we got on the plane and would ride next to her—Southwest. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while in Arabic and found out, of course, they had ten shared friends. Then I thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know and let them chat with her. This all took up about 2 hours. She was laughing a lot by then. Telling about her life. Answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and nuts—out of her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate. To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the traveler from California, the lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered sugar. And smiling. There are no better cookies. And then the airline broke out the free beverages from huge coolers—non-alcoholic—and the two little girls from our flight, one African American, one Mexican American—ran around serving us all apple juice and lemonade, and they were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag, some medicinal thing with green furry leaves. Such an old country traveling tradition. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere. And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and thought, this is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in this gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—has seemed apprehensive about any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too. This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.”

— Naomi Shihab Nye, “Gate A4″

“Then there are the things, if you are particularly lucky, that this person has done for you while you’re away: how in the pantry, in the freezer, in the refrigerator will be all the food you like to eat, the scotch you like to drink. There will be the sweater you thought you lost the previous year at the theater, clean and folded and back on its shelf. There will be the shirt with its dangling buttons, but the buttons will be sewn back in place. There will be your mail stacked on one side of his desk; there will be a contract for an advertising campaign you’re going to do in Germany for an Austrian beer, with his notes in the margin to discuss with your lawyer. And there will be no mention of it, and you will know that it was done with genuine pleasure, and you will know that part of the reason—a small part, but a part—you love being in this apartment and in this relationship is because this other person is always making a home for you, and that when you tell him this, he won’t be offended but pleased, and you’ll be glad, because you meant it with gratitude.”

— Hanya Yanagihara, A Little Life

#this is a mim supremacy account #w #compilation #the precious intimacy of little things #john berger #hanya yanagihara #naomi shihab nye #wendy cope #mary oliver #ada limón #ocean vuong #danusha laméris #ross gay

1K notes · View notes

bigskydreaming · 4 years ago

Text

If Dick and Bruce are always both at fault for their conflicts then why does it always go “Dick does something/wants to do something and Bruce doesn’t like it or tells him he’s wrong.” With the other times being “Bruce does something that affects Dick’s life without considering it’s effect on Dick and Dick’s not really upset at what Bruce did he’s literally just upset about the lack of consideration for how Dick would be affected.”

Like how does that work. Dick’s stubbornness is so often cited as being what causes conflicts between them but like....he’s only stubborn when it comes to Bruce attempting to make choices for him or suddenly changing his mind about not being okay with stuff he’s previously enabled Dick in and expecting Dick to just be fine with that. With his temper cited as being what puts him equally at fault with Bruce the other times but again when he’s literally just upset at Bruce’s lack of visible consideration for how Dick is affected by various Big Decisions that Bruce makes....how does that track?

The frustration I and many others have about the vaguely referenced but rarely delved into implications or outright statements that Dick and Bruce fight so often because they’re both equally stubborn and hot headed and refusing to apologize....is that Bruce is the catalyst for almost all these conflicts. It’s his choices that prompt them. He decides things and Dick is affected in various ways by those decisions and Dick is almost always just saying hey I’m here, I matter, but it doesn’t feel that way when you keep acting like it’s hard to remember I exist and my feelings are any kind of priority to you.

That’s not equal. That’s not an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. That’s a big fish making big moves and the smaller fish he took in and who is emotionally attached to him for life frantically trying to remind him he’s along for the ride and getting dragged around by the slipstream the bigger one makes without any seeming awareness of his greater ability to affect the smaller one’s life, the very course and direction of it.

And that’s not because Dick’s lesser than Bruce but it is because what gets obscured by the sometimes vague ways their dynamic is hand waved as being something other than father and son but not actually defined....no matter how you slice it, Dick was his dependent. Literally. Bruce took responsibility for Dick as a child and Dick was dependent on him until he was old enough to be independent.

And that matters, even into Dick’s adulthood because their dynamic, no matter what it grew into, began from these roots and you can’t just uproot who they are twenty years later from the ground it was planted in and act like that has no bearing anymore. It doesn’t work that way.

Like, the thing about Bruce forgetting to prioritize Dick and how he’ll be affected by things I think has a lot to do with Bruce second guessing himself and wondering if he’s had a net positive effect on Dick’s life. And he can think back to when he made that choice to take Dick in and kinda picture or wonder might have happened if he hadn’t made that choice.

And by extension, he can see a life without Dick in it, even if he’s justifying it to himself as being better for Dick that way...but the point is he can see it because he did live it, even if briefly. He might have been young when he took in Dick but he was still an adult, still grown, still established in who he was and what he intended to do with his life.

But the problem lies in the fact that while Bruce might try to convince himself that Dick would have been better off without him, and by extension he thinks about a life without him....he’s picturing himself before taking him in. Still adult, still Brucie, still Batman. Still similar ENOUGH that he can put himself in this train of thought that like....if he’d just made a different choice then, Dick would be better off, and then from there he can kinda...make decisions from the POV of the self he was when Dick wasn’t in his life, he can see what that looks like, what he looks like, and he makes decisions that focus just on him and his own actions and he’s still thinking how Dick is better off that way. When he makes decisions without acknowledging how they’ll affect Dick, he’s not doing it to be thoughtless, he’s convinced himself to separate himself from Dick in his mind....and defaulting to the template of himself he has from when Dick really WASNT in his life yet.

And the thing is....Dick can’t do that. So when Bruce makes choices and actions that look and seem like he’s not acknowledging that Dick’s life is intrinsically connected to Bruce’s and everything Bruce does has SOME impact on him because he’s been the guiding force in Dick’s life since he was eight....when Bruce acts like he’s making choices as if in a world where he never took Dick in even if he thinks he’s better off that way....

There’s nothing for Dick to picture, to imagine that world in the way Bruce is. To imagine himself. Because take away Bruce’s impact on Dick’s life, and from Bruce’s POV you just see the infinite potential of what Dick could have been, but that’s because like....that’s Dick at age eight. He’s barely started becoming who he’ll be as an adult. Eight year olds by their very natures are more varied and full of potential than adults because there’s so much less set in stone by then, they have yet to establish themselves as THEM.

But take away Bruce’s impact on Dick’s life for whatever reason, and from Dick’s POV it looks vastly different. Because the only thing he can picture concretely then...is himself at age eight. When he was at his most lost and confused. When he WASNT able to be by himself yet because who he was just wasn’t even all there yet. It was still actively in formation. In a state of new growth, early stages of creation. When he still very much needed an adult presence with more experience, confidence and knowledge to help shape and guide him through the turbulent process of growing to adulthood and finding himself along the way.

Bruce imagines removing himself from the equation of Dick’s life and seeing the still unrealized potential of that eight year old and everything he might be. Dick is forced to imagine himself after Bruce’s removal from the equation of his life, simply because Bruce so often ACTS like he’s doing just that....and Dick suddenly has NO IDEA what he looks like.

Because he’s not fixated on the before image of himself that Bruce has when he thinks of Dick before Bruce took him in. He’s fixated on his life in the here and now...and when he’s catapulted into imaginings of life without Bruce because Bruce is acting like he exists entirely separate from Bruce and his decisions....he’s back to who he was before Bruce, that scared and confused little kid....and with no way to even begin to picture who he would have grown up to be in a life without Bruce.

Same imagined scenario. But two entirely different perspectives with wildly different appeal. As in one holds no appeal at all...because Dick has never really actually expressed that he wishes Bruce hadn’t taken him in. That HE thinks he would have been better off that way. It’s like asking him to picture himself as a total stranger with no way to begin imagining what he became instead of who he is now....and Dick LIKES who he is now. He has his issues but he LIKES being Nightwing, helping people, all the family and friends he would never have met in a world without Bruce.

It’s just....for all that Bruce says that Dick as an adult has become his equal, this is still a father and son and you can’t keep coming up in both canon and fanfics with events and stories where it’s like the father is operating from a place of ‘my son would be better off without me’ and act like the conflict that ensues is one of equal dynamic....because the conflict, the at odds perspectives, are directly born from the father and son dynamic.

It’s the father questioning his place in his son’s life, after being the one who volunteered for that position and thus earned the eternal gratitude of the son who had desperately needed that adult to depend on at the time he’d stepped into fill it...and the son now wondering well who the fuck even am I without that then, where does that leave me?

Bruce is picturing ANYONE being better for Dick at the times when he second guesses his impact on Dick’s life. But Dick is just picturing an empty cut out with no one to imagine in that place, just an awareness that the kid he’d been back then had really truly needed someone there and there’s no one to put in that place instead. (And it really doesn’t come up enough in examinations of Dick’s character, esp in stories using the juvie origin specifically that like....Dick was painfully aware that no one other than Bruce was exactly lining up to do right by him or give him one of those better lives Bruce is optimistically picturing for him when he’s second guessing his own suitability as Dick’s parent. Dick would be like did you forget where you found me??! Who the fuck do you think was going to give me a better life when nobody but you was even seeing a problem with me being in kiddie jail for the crime of Orphaned While Looked Down On By Society?)

But it’s just like....Bruce and Dick’s arguments, especially ones geared around ambiguity as to the status and nature of their relationship....are not conflicts between equals. They’re a son saying he feels like he doesn’t trust the dynamic between them is solid and the father being like well I’d like to reassure you it’s just I’m spiraling because I don’t think I even should be your father.

And that’s just. SO not something Dick can, let alone SHOULD have to address. HE’S the one who’s lost and adrift and basically a homeless orphan the second you take Bruce’s stability out of his life. It isn’t on that guy to reassure the one who volunteered to BE the source of stability in the life of the kid desperately in need of that.

Bruce is of course more than allowed and understandable in having doubts as a parent. But like. You go to Alfred for that. Clark. Selina. Literally any other adult. But not the kid who you force to wonder how to trust in the strength of the bond you’re actively questioning should even exist....when YOU’RE the source of that bond and what he relies on to see himself as even HAVING a parent at all.

Like. It just isn’t the “both equally at fault” thing people keep calling it. It’s a son flailing because he doubts his place in his father’s life at multiple points because his father basically at multiple points flat out says hey you should probably have doubts about that because LOL guess what I’m having right now!

Y’know?

Oh and also, PS - its reeeeeeally not great IMO, how many fics resolve these conflicts by HAVING Dick reassure Bruce that he loves him and is grateful to him for taking him in and he doesn’t know who he’d be without him, because uh....

You basically just ended whatever fight they were having by deciding that Dick couldn’t afford to even BE mad at Bruce any longer for whatever he did or said, because he has to prioritize making Bruce feel better about his own decisions instead of Bruce having to prioritize making him feel better about his place in the Batfam and ensuring Dick knows that he deserves better than just the bare minimum, parenting wise. That if Bruce legitimately fucked up, its okay to call him on it and hold him accountable for recognizing what he’d done and growing to see how he can do better.

Like....that’s not a resolution to their conflict! That’s just Dick being forced to pat his dad on the back for what a good job he did because Bruce’s insecurities are more important to address than whatever it was that Bruce did to upset Dick in the first place, even if it was literally something he’d fucked up as a parent, and that needed addressing or it’d happen again. (Like....it usually ends up happening again).

You literally make it impossible for Bruce to ever TRULY be held accountable for things he does to ANY of his kids....when you continually treat the ultimate resolution to these conflicts being the KIDS reassuring BRUCE.

My eternal mantra, repeated ad nauseam, in all caps for hyperbolic emphasis not because I’m actually yelling at anyone, I’m actually sitting down at my desk, quite calm at the moment just FYI, just saying:

BRUCE IS THE FATHER. BRUCE VOLUNTEERED TO BE THE FATHER. MAKE BRUCE ACT LIKE THE FATHER AND DO THE THINGS THE FATHER IS SUPPOSED TO DO. NOT HIS KIDS.

30 notes · View notes

malfoys-demigod · 4 years ago

Text

Turbulence - Draco Malfoy x Reader

requests: Hi i don't know if you take confession, but Hufflepuff! and muggle!Draco has been flooding my mind in recently. Love your writings by the way, keep it up! 😳👌💕💖 // Hi if you're open for requests, can I request a post-war draco x reader in which they are going for their honeymoon or sumth and its her first time by plane. So when a turbulence strikes she gets really scared and thinks they're going to die so she just keeps hugging him till it ends? Sorry if it's too much :[]You didn't ask, but lemme share something i thought bout with you

A/N: I decided to combine these two requests since one wasn’t as specific. I hope you enjoy!

requested by: @sycathorn-slush @amiiretto

@the--queen-of-hell

Draco had always fancied you. It was really astonishing to believe honestly. You were two things he tried either despising or avoiding, which were being a Hufflepuff muggle. So it was astonishing for the entire school to believe. You fancied him as well of course but you structured your mindset to think differently.

Knowing that you were things that Draco did not like, you told yourself that you and him would never happen in a million years. But it did not stop you from constantly watching him from afar or watching his every Quidditch game he had. You just never knew that the idea of him actually liking you would be possible.

The first actual interaction with him was when it was during your third year. You were spending your free period in the hospital wing being taught the basics of healing by Madam Pomfrey when all of a sudden, Hagrid bursted into the door, holding Draco Malfoy who seemed to be in some sort of pain as he was yelling at Hagrid things that were hard to decipher since he kept rambling.

All lessons about healing fractures and bones were at a pause as you and Madam Pomfrey rushed straight away as Hagrid placed Draco onto the nearest hospital bed. You couldn’t believe it. You were about to help heal Draco Malfoy. It was insane to believe that you were actually going to talk to him instead of avoiding him in order to not be called a ‘Mudblood’ in front of people. Besides, there was no way he was going to call you that in front of two respected authorities of the school.

“What happened, Mr. Malfoy?,” Madam Pomfrey asked as she examined the arm.

“Hagrid’s bloody chicken is what happened!”

“Buckbeak is a kind and loving creature!” Hagrid protested in a pleading voice.

“Looks like a minor injury that Ms. Y/L/N can perform,” Madam Pomfrey said after analyzing Draco’s state, “Have a go with Episkey while I look for an arm sling, dear.” she said, looking at you with a motivating look.

Draco looked at you with disgust as he watched you pull out your wand. You were already expecting an insulting comment from the pureblood but he surprisingly said something different.

“You think you can pull this off, Y/L/N? I think we can all agree that I’d need my arm back in the game for my next Quidditch match.” he asked calmly.

You gave him a small nod since you were a little unsure if you could actually pull it off. “Episkey!” you said, fixing Draco’s small injury. You wanted to jump for joy because this was the first time you assisted someone and it was Draco Malfoy!

He looked at you with a stunned expression as he started moving the joints of his arm slowly, feeling that there was no pain.

“Why are you here, Y/N? Shouldn’t you be off with your muggle friends doing muggle things?” he asked, trying to avoid showing thanks and gratitudes to you.

“I really value hard work and helping others in need and what better way to take interest in being a healer?”

“Huh, such a Hufflepuff I see.,” was all he said since Madam Pomfrey came back to assist him in wearing a sling.

When everything was all finished, Draco simply turned around and started making his way out of the Hospital wing.

Even if Madam Pomfrey gave you the thanks and acknowledgement for being an excellent healer, which was something you were praying for, it all suddenly did not matter. You were now craving for the thanks and acknowledgement of Draco’s as you were surprised he did not say anything bad about your blood status.

Nevertheless, you had to be grateful that he did not trash talk you about anything. You had to thank Helga Hufflepuff for giving you a decent small talk with Draco Malfoy.

Later on during the afternoon, you were entering the Great Hall as you were on your way to meet up with your friends by the Hufflepuff table until suddenly, your tracks had stopped.

“It comes and goes,” said a familiar voice.

You turned to see Draco Malfoy from the Slytherin table talking to his group about his injury.

Pansy was sitting so close to him, examining the injury as Draco continued the conversation.

“Still, I consider myself lucky. If it wasn’t for Madam Pomfrey and her apprentice Y/L/N, another minute or two, I could have lost my arm. Couldn’t possibly do homeworks for weeks.”

Your knees started to weaken as you heard Draco acknowledging you. This was impossible to process as this was probably the first time he’s ever talked good about you. This was put to the test when Pansy looked at him with a bad look.

“Y/N Y/L/N? The muggle? I thought she was useless!”

Draco removed her hand from his arm as he leaned away from Pansy in an instant. “I’ll have you know,” he said, “her dedication and loyalty to being a healer saved me. Like I said, if it wasn’t for her, I could have lost my arm. What part of that don’t you get, honestly?” he snapped.

As he was looking away from an irritated yet ashamed Pansy, his eyes met yours, as you were still standing in the middle of the Great Hall like a lost puppy. You wanted to run away from the situation you were in or at least walked away and pretended you did NOT lock eyes with the person you should have been avoiding your entire life.

But no, taken by surprise yet again, Draco Malfoy gave you a small smile, nodding at you then turned back to his friends. You wanted to look behind you and assume that it was for someone else but you had to be serious, there was no possible way it was for someone else. The table behind you was Gryffindor’s and it would be highly unlikely that he just smiled at the golden trio who were also listening to Draco’s conversation.

From there on, a friendship with Draco started to grow. It took time for you and him to actually be friends. It started out with small talks initiated by Draco, which confused most of the students witnessing something they never thought of happening. Then it moved on to being seatmates and partners in every experiment or academic sorts. And finally taking the role of star-crossed lovers.

Nobody knew that this would ever happen but it did and some people were for it while some weren’t. You and Draco proved to society that your relationship did nothing but become stronger over the years.

Despite being a part of Dumbledore’s Army while he was a Death Eater, your relationship was complicated yet still strong. You knew in your heart that he was someone born without a choice concerning the situation. If he fought back or left the Death Eater’s there would be serious consequences including him, his family, and possibly you. That was why you brought your relationship to the “under the radar” stage in your life. Some people thought you finally broke up while some might have suspected that you were keeping things low.

It was true. Once the whole war ended, you brought your relationship back to life, back to the public’s eyes. Draco remained the same: he was madly in love with you while his parents changed their outlook on you.

At first Draco kept your relationship a secret from his parents. He only revealed to his parents that he was seeing you when things started mellowing after the war. He brought you to his home to meet the changed Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy who were actually pleased to meet you. The remarked you for being the “loyal Hufflepuff” by their son’s side and welcomed you into the family.

It only became official when Draco popped the question a year later. When things started getting better after the war, Draco was finally ready to take the relationship to different heights.

When he asked Lucius if he could receive the blessings of asking for your hand in marriage, Lucius was more than happy to finally hear that Draco wanted to marry you. As he agreed to bestow his blessings, he also wanted to show Draco his deep gratification of having someone like you in his son’s life by taking care of the expenses of the wedding and honeymoon.

After finally tying the knot, there came the honeymoon. The Malfoy’s wanted to openly open their arms of Muggle customs by paying for travel expenses for the honeymoon.

You were really excited to hear that Draco was open to the idea of traveling through an airplane.

“First class?,” you asked, “Really?,”

“Of course, love. I only want to give you the best.,” he said, kissing your forehead as you finally took your seats.

There was something you’ve been meaning to tell him. Surely it wasn’t something serious to anyone else if they have heard, but to you, it was a little serious since it was personal.

As you fasten your seatbelt, you looked down at your shoes with hesitation as you were bottling up the thoughts you had to let out.

Draco took notice of this immediately and placed an arm on your shoulder, tilting his head to look at you.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Did you forget something?”

“I have a confession, Draco.”

He looked at you with an eyebrow raised. “What is it, Y/N?”

“You’re not the only one whose never rode an airplane before.”

Draco exhaled in relief as he was thinking of many worse ideas in mind. He let out a small laugh as ruffled your hair, “My dear, you scared the bloody hell out of me. I thought of so many scary ideas in my mind.,” he replied, “Well, may this first experience we have together be the first of many airplane rides.,” he cheered you up.

You happily nodded in response as your head leaned on his shoulder, holding his hand with high hopes, only for these high hopes to turn upside down an hour later.

When the pilot asked for everyone to fasten their seatbelts to prepare for incoming turbulence, you were slightly concerned since you were unfamiliar with the experience of turbulence.

When the plane had its first shake, you felt as if your soul was about to leave your body as you held a tight grip on your arm rests.

“Huh,” Draco let out a small laugh, “Never knew airplanes could do that.” as he started looking around to see if there were any panicked riders. So far you were the only one spooked.

It only got worse when turbulence started striking again and again. You felt like you lost count of the number of shakes that the plane had encountered as you were focused on trying to release your fear by venting off the weirdest things you could think of to Draco.

“I swear,” you yelled, “WE ARE GOING TO DIE!”

“Dear-“

“Bloody hell, what if we don’t ever make it to our honeymoon?!” “Did you ever hear of what happened to Amelia Earhart?!? She was lost at sea after a bloody plane crash!! That could happen to us RIGHT NOW!”

Draco places his arms on your shoulders as he was sitting in an uncomfortable position since his seatbelt was tightly fastened. “Dear, I do not know who this Amelia woman is but I assure you, we are not going to die. If you were listening to the few stewardesses who came by, they assured us that turbulence occurs in almost every plane ride and it is not the cause of plane accidents.”

“What in Merlin’s beard do I do then?!”

Draco opened his arms, showing invitation to a hug, “Let me comfort you. Come and hug me and I promise I won’t let go of you until we reach our destination.”

You looked at him with fear but with his heart warming smile, the tension in your shoulders started relaxing as you finally inhaled and exhaled deeply. “Promise?” you asked.

“Honey, we just made vows recently. And aside from that, have I ever let you down?”

“I suppose not.” you said with a small smile.

“Now come and lean on my shoulder. Let me prove to you that I am a man of my words.” he softly said as you started placing your head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm on your waist.

Feeling his warm body made you feel extremely comfortable as you started resting your eyes, which eventually led you to falling asleep and forgetting everything about the turbulence.

He was definitely a man of his words.

191 notes · View notes

danasmonster · 4 years ago

Text

Comparing the SKAM Remakes: ISAK (Part V)

Robbe (wtFOCK/SKAM Belgium)

The Differences:

OK let me start off by saying this is the most turbulent Isak/Even relationship yet. They lie to each other (Sander & Robbe), they yell at each other (Robbe), and they call each other homophobic slurs (Robbe). They also say “I love you” a lot more . . .

Instead of pawning the weed off on someone else, Robbe had the weed pawned off on him

Unlike Isak, Robbe is still going through the process of finding a place to live. His mom has just been hospitalized and his dad lives really far away from his school, plus they don’t get along.

Also, instead of Zoe (the Noora character) being in London, it’s Lisa (Linn) who is studying abroad, thus making the room available. It was a bit like the writers thought “meh, this character is just window dressing” and replaced her with Zoe, and it was nice to see more of Zoe's interactions with all the characters since she is more central to the series. Honestly both Zoe and Milan seem to really look after and take care of Robbe, more so than the other incarnations of Eskild and Noora.

Milan is way more in your face about making out with men in front of Robbe than Eskild was.

Both Robbe and Sander are in relationships with girls when they meet, however neither has been long term. Sander’s relationship with Britt has only been going on for six months, as opposed to four years with Even and Sonja. I think this is pretty significant because you could feel a lot of history between Even and Sonja and that is missing here with Sander and Britt.

Robbe never lied to his friends in order to spend time with Sander, which was nice

But then he also totally freaked the fuck out after they kissed in the pool and went on the offensive with Sander, calling him a faggot and pushing him away . . . yeeek. I liked that Isak never took the hate for himself out on Even, never pushed him away. That Robbe did it here was understandable yes but I think I still prefer the orig. I mean Sanders face goddamn

Robbe broke up with Noor in person instead of just avoiding her/generally treating her like shit until they just fell apart

I also liked that while yes the boys were creeping on the dancing girls like in the orig, in wtFOCK they were actually invited to be there as part of an actual audience. It didn’t feel as gross here.

Robbe and Sander didn’t just ditch the girls before the bike/pool scene - the girls went off on their own earlier and requested to be alone. It felt a little less dickish this way.

And OH MY GOD THE VIOLENCE! There is very explicit homophobia in the form of slurs and an actual physical attack on Robbe and Sander. No other incarnation has experienced such blatant hatred from other people.

And what the fuck, Sander??? Sander flat out lied to Robbe when he told him he had broken up with Britt.

There is also definitely some homophobia on the part of Moyo/Madhi and Aaron/Magnus. I mean, they actually call being bisexual gross and say they would be creeped out to be around a gay guy because he “might be into them.” That’s more than just ignorance, it’s intolerance, something that wasn’t present in Madhi and Magnus. Moyo in particular is way more of a dick.

The scene where Sander has a bipolar episode is a little different because Robbe never tries to contact Britt, but somehow she is still there? Also her opinions on whether or not Sander’s feeling for Robbe are real hold a lot less weight considering they were only together six months as opposed to four years. Then instead of Sander’s friends and family taking care of him, he admits himself to a mental health facility. Then Jana/Eva encourages Robbe to just give up on Sander. Eeesh.

Instead of Aaron/Magnus having a bipolar mother helping Sander understand it better, it’s Moyo/Madhi. Moyo also gives the minute by minute advice to him instead of Britt/Sonja.

My Favorite Parts:

I love the street art/graffiti subplot. I’ve always loved this type of art (when it is art). That first scene where Noor took Robbe to spray paint was so atmospheric, another song added to my playlist (

Fall

by The Bugg & Ina Copeland)Honestly any scene with Zoe and Milan was fantastic I liked when Milan readily admitted to going through everyone’s stuff when they weren’t home. I love the way Zoe is taking care of Robbe by making him food and just generally making him feel welcome when he moves in to the apartment with her and Milan. She was also really sweet when she made sure his wounds were disinfected after he was beaten up and making sure they were bandaged. Milan snuggling up to a sleeping Senna was great. I also really enjoyed the little taste of couple life from Zoe when she complained about Senna’s snoring. Zoe’s line was definitely on point. I don’t know how her relationship will end for her but this ideology is paramount to having a healthy relationship, period.

“We’re a couple now but we also have our own lives”

It was really great and amusing foreshadowing when Noor replied to the boy’s saying all the chicks that go to the art school are hot with “

You haven’t seen the boys yet.

” Enter Sander.

When Robbe meets Sander and they go around the store riding the grocery cart. It’s so carefree and happy and while I miss the pure absurdity of watching Even take all of the paper towels this scene was absolutely wonderful

The Halloween party was fucking epic.

Trick R Treat

by Josh A and Iamjakehill, added to playlistThe conversation between Milan and Robbe about Milan’s gaydar was really good, with the beginning of his response definitely tailored toward Robbe, and the look he gives him is so telling it’s uncomfortable. He was basically like, “I know you’re gay, bro.” Milan describes his gaydar as picking up on subtle signals,

A certain look in their eyes. Or . . . It’s a bit like there is something in them that is desperately trying to get out.

The conversation between Jens and Robbe about how sex isn’t everything was a prime example of how to be a good bro and healthy masculinity and I fucking loved it

The conversation between Milan and Robbe where Robbe admits to having feelings for another boy was super sweet. I feel like Milan was kind of taking on an Eskild/school nurse hybrid role here because he was mostly just encouraging Robbe not to keep everything inside and to be himself. His relationship with Robbe seems a bit more paternal and I love it for this version.

The scene where Robbe is actually open and honest with Sander about his conflicting emotions about his sexuality was much appreciated

The scene when Milan was describing a very butch guy on the bus becoming all soft like when he looked at him was great. Everyone melts for you, Milan 💋

Have I said how much I love Zoe and Milan??? Also I can’t wait to see Zoe and Senna’s story when I go through all the Nooras, Senna definitely seems like the best William so far. I know they break up in the last episode of Robbe’s season but I have hopes they will get back together.

It was absolutely amazing to watch Milan put Mojo in his place

The scene where Zoe and Robbe go Christmas shopping is terrific. I just love watching their friendship

The scene of everyone opening their Christmas presents together was also adorable

Things I Missed:

The funny, quirky little moments like the metal leg conversation between Even and Isak right before their almost first kiss or the absurdity of the paper towel scene when they first meet

The scene where the whole boy squad is together and giving Isak relationship advice. In this one is was just Jens and I felt let down that Aaron and Moyo couldn’t be there as well.

And a shout out for Noor, who gets my vote for best Emma

Noor (Emma) kissed Robbe after he complimented her, not after he insulted her.

Robbe also seems to have more of an actual relationship with Noor than Isak had with Emma.

Noor is definitely the coolest version of Emma so far, both in personality and appearance. I mean not only does she look fucking great but she was so sweet about how Robbe couldn’t get it up when they tried to have sex.

I really love the development of their relationship in this and how much more complex it is than in the original.

I also love that she and Robbe seem to have repaired their relationship and can be friends by the end of Robbe’s story

GO NOOR!!

#wtfock #skam belgium #skam #robbexsander #isakxeven #gay #lgbt #homophobia #hate crimes #internalized homophobia #violence #bipolar #mental health

75 notes · View notes

fromthecouch · 4 years ago

Text

I have always watched too much tv - an introduction.

A personal history of my relationship with the small screen.

My grandparents, who were my main parental figures growing up, didn’t work 9 to 5s. My grandfather worked as a bus driver for the Chicago Transit Authority, for over 20 years. His schedule often fluctuated. My grandmother worked as an expeditor for architectural firms. She made her hours and often came home later in the evening. For a significant part of childhood and all of my adolescence, I spent a lot of time alone. Sometimes I would go to my friends’ homes after school or my younger cousin would stay for the evening; however, from 3:00 PM-8:00 PM on weeknights, my main source of connection to other humans was through our living room television, the screen of my family’s desktop, and the pages of fiction.

It was not until recently that I learned of the term ‘latchkey kid.’ I had been watching the A&E Freaks and Geeks documentary on Amazon Prime when I noted the phrase. It had been used during an interview portion of the documentary when one of the production team members used it to describe Bill Haverchuck. The documentary cut to a scene of Bill, one of the show’s “geeks”, sitting in front of a television, laughing hysterically, with grilled cheese and Entenmann’s chocolate cake on a TV tray. The interviewee recalled their childhood similarities to Bill —the experience of a latchkey life. I was immediately intrigued and paused the documentary to turn to Google.

youtube

Freaks and Geeks, Episode 14: Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers

The search brought me to the Wikipedia definition, listed as “a child who returns to an empty home after school or a child who is often left at home with no supervision because their parents are away at work.” I reflected more in-depth on this and found myself assessing my relationship to fiction and how it raised me.

I have always watched too much tv. I used to read voraciously. I would buy random ‘pre-viewed’ DVDs from Blockbuster and played them in rotation until I got my hands on a new batch and a new rotation started. My grandparents often enabled my habit as a reader, yet I would go through books too quickly for my family trips to the library or Borders to keep up. Most of my planned reading for the week would be completely consumed by the end of the night on Tuesday or Wednesday, so the rest of my weekly time alone, I would turn to watch things.

At a young age, I viewed watching television as infinite. Since it was before the era of eBooks, there was a limited number of hours that my books could sustain me for each week, but television would always be there for me. I watched everything — movies, children’s shows, reality television, teen dramas, daytime television, sitcoms, documentaries, sometimes even infomercial channels. Fifth grade is when I truly became in awe of all that the small screen had to offer. My grandparents had upgraded to the premium package on Comcast. We went from a few dozen channels to having HBO, The N, Discovery Kids, multiple channels of MTV, channels that played history docuseries around the clock, the Filipino variety show channel, and so much more.

As a kid, film, literature and television was how I got to know the world. When I was a teenager, I more actively started to engage with what I was watching and reading. Fiction helped me dream of what I wanted for my life. How I consumed television and film during those years laid the groundwork for who I am as a person now. That was also when I had begun to use fiction to feel less lonely, to escape from the pressures of turbulent home life, to relate to my peers. I had curated a group of friends that also had independence thrust upon them at a young age. Watching tv with each other over the phone and renting films to watch together on the weekends was a big part of how we related to one another — the common interests that bound our friendships, as mutual indoor kids. My high school years also coincided with Netflix’s shift from delivery rentals to mainly streaming, which allowed us to consume a new set of content, in an entirely new way. With adulthood approaching, we segued into the era of series binge-watching.

I was diagnosed with panic disorder and major depression when I was in my sophomore year of university. It was around that time that I became more cognizant of the way that I used television and film as coping mechanisms. Sometimes they served healthy coping mechanisms, sometimes they became more like distractions, and numbing agents. Whatever the case, I sometimes doubt that I would’ve gotten through some of my lowest times without the fictional characters, places and storylines of my favorite shows.

In 2017, I struggled with some chronic health issues, nothing serious, but very debilitating. It took me a year to stabilize. At that time, I hardly saw my friends. I had to quit my job and was unemployed for a full year, living with my boyfriend’s family in an unfamiliar suburb. I was too ill to hold down a full-time position. I was always in pain. I entered the longest depressive episode of my life, which made reading, my first love, feel daunting. I also struggled with a lot of vestibular migraines. The aftermath of those lingered for days and sometimes left me in a fog that made the words on a page feel painful.

I still had television though. On my worst days, I often only had the bandwidth to make doctors’ appointments, eat oatmeal, and rewatch television series I had already seen. The Chinese Restaurant episode of Seinfeld made me smile when I otherwise felt numb. Buffy the Vampire Slayer made me feel resilient when I felt incapable of basic human functions. Daria made me feel understood when I felt completely isolated from my peers.

Seinfeld, Season 2 Episode 11 The Chinese Restaurant

On my better days, I could venture into a new series, which involved more attention. I mainly consumed television rather than movies for the most part, as I didn’t like having my time spent with characters and plots to feel limited. (The major exception to this was the MCU, due to the span of central, interconnected plots.) With access to Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and HBO plus, I found television to again feel like my main connection to other people. When I felt like I didn’t have anyone else, I had Mr Robot, Atlanta, Glow, Mozart in the Jungle, Westworld, Stranger Things, Game of Thrones, Black Mirror, Big Little Lies, Insecure. When the pain from my migraines, GI issues, ovarian cysts, and mundanity of my newly “sick” life made me feel terrible, watching the fictional lives of others helped me escape. Watching these fictional lives, helped me feel like I was surrounded by others and living their lives with them when my own life felt on pause and isolated.

In 2018, I was fortunate enough to get on a successful diet and medication combination that allowed me to stabilize my health, move back to the city, reestablish my friendships, and resume my career. Even so, I still have more mild depressive episodes. I still get medical flareups. I am still a normal person who occasionally faces conflict, as that is just life. When I’m in those darker places, television is often both a distraction and connection that helps me recalibrate. Now here I am, at my current age of 27, and I still depend on fiction to be there for me.

Once the COVID-19 lockdowns and restrictions started in March of 2020, I, like everyone else around the country, found myself limited in social interaction. I maintained some level of relatedness to others through my cat, my boyfriend, group texts with friends, and my Zoom work meetings. Yet, television was again a big part of how I related to the human experience. Television persisted in reminding me of what life was like pre-pandemic and what it could be in the future. It has helped me keep boredom and restlessness at bay. Through this time, I’ve found myself watching many series that I would have never watched otherwise. I have also found myself analyzing the series that I watch more thoroughly and with more curiosity than I had the capacity to in my youth and during my time of medical distress.

This year was also the first year that I have started writing for leisure, since high school. Being so online over the past year, I’ve often found myself with many thoughts to collect, package cohesively, and express, yet I’ve felt very limited by the current platforms I often interact with. I often feel like I cannot articulate meaningful thought on platforms like Instagram and Twitter, which are limiting by word limit and social media norms. My newfound revived interest in writing has often collided with my enthusiasm for television, film, and pop culture, more broadly.

It may be true that I watch too much television. It may also be true that television was one of my first true friends and in many ways an extra parental figure. I want to move beyond watching too much television. I want to openly explore television, what it means to me, what it means to the collective, and examine the things that we love to watch or have loved to watch with a critical lens. That is what I hope to express on here.

#television #film #mental health #chronic illness #personal narrative #self

9 notes · View notes

leafs-lover · 4 years ago

Text

Because Two People Got Drunk: 21

Series Masterlist

Chapter 21

A/N: Italics are your thoughts

Summary: You and Fred begin your trip in Denmark by spending time with both of your families. You are nervous to see his dad and your grandparents, given that last time you didn’t have good conversations with either.

Warnings: Drinking, swearing, smut, Freddie being a dad

Word Count: 7600

July 7, 2023

“I remember our last flight to Denmark being much more fun” Fred whispers in your ear as you lie in bed. You arrived a few hours ago for a visit and are staying in a hotel. You kept your first day pretty relaxed as you all tried to adjust to the jetlag.

“Well I don’t think our in-flight entertainment from 2 years ago would be suitable with him around” you say looking to Oliver who is sleeping.

“That’s fair” Fred laughs. “He wasn’t that difficult to fly with last year”

“Well babies typically fly better because you can feed them and they fall asleep and don’t notice the pressure changes. Unfortunately he is old enough to feel it, making our flight very interesting.”

“And you didn’t want to fly private” Fred jokes kissing your head.

“I didn’t think it was necessary…” you trail off. Oliver spent most of the flight crying, you tried soothing him and playing movies, trying to get him to nap but nothing would help. You had almost gotten him to sleep when the plane hit some turbulence waking him up. “But flying commercial would have been brutal; I would have felt so bad for everyone onboard. You were right.”

“What was that?” he asks grinning at you. You know he heard you perfectly.

You smile and turn your head to him “I said you were right.”

Fred pumps his hand in the air “yes” he exclaims quietly to not wake Oliver. You laugh lightly when Fred rolls on top of you and kisses your forehead.

“I like being right” he says smiling at you.

You cup his cheeks and kiss him lightly “keep it up and it won’t happen again.”

Fred laughs and kisses you again. He drops down and places his head on your chest, his hand slides under your shirt, lightly rubbing circles on your skin. Your hand slides up to his hair and you gently begin running your hand through his red hair.

“Ready for our families?” he asks lightly.

You groan in response “I don’t know if I will ever be ready.”

It’s the first time you will be spending with Fred’s family in almost two years. You have talked with his mom a bit, but most of your conversations have been about Oliver. The only time you have talked to Ernst is when Fred is on the phone and you would tell him to say hi for you.

If you weren’t nervous enough for seeing his family, your grandparents are also coming to town. They were going to be in London for part of July and Fred suggested (and coordinated) for them to visit a few days. But they aren’t just spending time with the three of you; they are also meeting Fred’s family and siblings.

“It’s not going to be that bad skat” he says stroking up your side.

“Last time I saw your dad he called me a gold digger” you whisper.

Fred stills on top of you before pushing himself onto his elbows. “My dad wanted to talk to you last year at his birthday, I asked him not too. I didn’t want it to take away from his first birthday for you.”

“Well I’m not overly worried about your family” you explain. “Your mom messaged me on Instagram saying she was excited to see me, something about a girl’s day with your sister” Fred smiles at that before you continue. “Last time I saw my grandparents they basically told me they didn’t approve of how I’m living my life or raising my son.”

“Okay, but that was a year ago. Things have changed since then.”

“But they shouldn’t have to; I shouldn’t have to be with my father’s son to get their approval. Like obviously I am very happy we’re together, but that shouldn’t impact their opinion of me. And they won’t approve of us not being married but living together” you exclaim.

“They should have supported you from the beginning. I’m not going to argue that, and I’m sorry that this has been happening. But maybe they have realized they’re wrong and want to try and repair the relationship. Why else would they agree to see you?”

He moves to lie on his side, and pulls you in tight to his chest. “Because they haven’t had the opportunity to meet him” you say looking to Oliver.

“Or it’s because they love you and miss you” he says kissing your temple. “Try to sleep, everything will be fine. And if it’s not well it’s only a couple days, and I’ll be by your side the entire time.” Fred lightly draws circles on your waist as his breathing slows. You feel him drift to sleep beside you; you lay there staring at the ceiling.

A million thoughts run in your head as your heart races. You focus on Fred’s breathing trying to match his in attempt to calm your heart. You shouldn’t be this worried, you know Fred’s family is happy to see you, and his mom has given you subtle hints that Ernst is excited as well. And you have dealt with your grandparents your entire life; it’s not new to you. Eventually you shut your mind off and drift off.

“Momma” you hear as you feel a little body crawling on the bed. Your eyes flutter open to see your son smiling as he crawls up the bed.

“Up momma” he says jumping on your stomach.

“Umph” you say as air leaves your chest. A wide smile spreads across your face as you pull Oliver in to tickle him. Fred sits in the bed and sets a coffee on the table. “Little man said it’s almost lunchtime so you had to get up.

Your eyes go wide, “lunchtime?” you question. You turn and look at the clock and realize it’s after 11 “wow, I didn’t get a good sleep last night.”

“I know, you woke me up with all your tossing and turning” he says, you look up at him and see the bags under his eyes. Guilt washes over you as you realize he has been up for the past few hours with your son, playing with him and keeping him quiet so you could sleep when he himself didn’t sleep that well.

“I’m sorry babe” you say looking up at him.

“Its fine” he says sighing “but I told you that you don’t need to be stressed. Everything is going to go well, and we will have a few days to relax once this is all over.” Fred kisses your forehead and takes Oliver out of the room so you can get ready.

An hour later you are ready for the day and walk to the living room. You can hear Oliver starting to fuss a little “Ollie bud you ready for lunch?” you ask as you adjust the clasp on your watch. He runs over to you “yeah” he yells.

“Okay, let’s get your shoes on then we can go.” You all head to the door and put your shoes on “let me just grab my hat” Fred says wandering to the bedroom. You hear a knock on the door, and without even looking through the peephole you open it.

“Grandma, Grandpa!” you exclaim staring at the people in front of you. “What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow.”

“Your grandfather told the movers to come on the 10th not the 12th by mistake and we weren’t able to reschedule. Instead of having one day with you, we decided to come a day early and get two days with our great-grandson.” Your grandma bends down to Oliver’s eye level and him being the social butterfly he is immediately says hi to her with a smile.

“You’re moving?” you question.

Your grandma has a conversation with Oliver about the ninja turtle shirt he is wearing while your grandpa answers “yeah, we’ve been finding it hard to do the back and forth between Toronto and England multiple times throughout the year.” “So you’re moving back to Toronto?”

“For now, that house is too big too and we can’t do the grass cutting and snow shovelling. We don’t need the space so we are going to move somewhere smaller with no maintenance” he responds.

A ping of guilt washes over you because they are right. They are around 80 and you can see the frailness in their eyes. The past few years you haven’t had much of relationship with them, but that was your choice. The last time you saw them was last summer, and your visit was cut very short. They had reached out and you had been too bitter to respond, and now almost 2 ½ years had gone by since you had any real contact with them.

You want them in your life; they are the only family you have left and you love them. But you don’t know if you can handle the judgment and ridicule. You feel a lump in your throat but before you can respond Fred rubs up beside you.

You didn’t even hear him walk down the hall and are only snapped from your thoughts when you hear your grandpa speak.

“You must be Frederik” he says. “I’m John and this is Debbie, we’re (Y/N)’s grandparents.” Fred gives you a sideways glance before sticking his hand out to shake his hand. He turns to your grandma who immediately hugs him.

“(Y/N) told me you were a hockey player, but she never said you were this handsome” she says pulling back.

“Grandma!” you exclaim. A blush spreads across both your and Fred’s face.

“There was mix-up with the movers so they decided to come down early to get more than a day with us” you explain.

“Great” Fred says. “We were going to grab lunch and then take this guy to the park; we’d love for you to join us.”

“They just got in Fred, they probably want to unpack and relax -” you start to say.

“Oh nonsense” your Grandma cuts you off “we’d love to come, just don’t want to impose we know its very last minute.”

“It wouldn’t be an imposition, I insist” Fred says to them. With that the 5 of you leave the hotel and walk to a small café and grab lunch.

“He reminds me of you as a baby” your grandma says partway through lunch looking to Oliver who is peacefully sitting in his highchair eating.

“You were always a well behaved baby. When we would take you out to restaurants, neighbouring tables would always give us concerned look, since some babies don’t do well in restaurants. But you would just sit there and colour while waiting, and would eat quietly. Half the time you wouldn’t even know there was a baby with us.”

You smile lightly “I never knew that.”

“I see a lot of you in him. Not in his physical appearance, he is a spitting image of his father, but in other ways” your grandpa says.

“What was she like as a baby?” Fred asks. “Or even as a kid? I don’t know much about it. She showed me one photo album and told me a few stories but that’s it.”

“Trouble” your grandpa says laughing. “She was an angel in public, but at home she went a mile a minute. Basically ran before she walked, and nothing could stop her.”

“She always wanted to be outside, getting messy. Jumping in mud puddles” you grandma adds.

Fred laughs at that, giving your thigh a light squeeze “sounds like a toddler I know” he smiles.

“Well we have cases of photo albums and home movies that are being shipped back to Canada. Next time you’re in Toronto stop by and we will show you them” your grandma says. “We have a lot of stuff, some blankets, bibs, stuff that was your dads, which you used as a kid too. Your first pair of hockey skates was his first pair.” A smile spreads across your face, you didn’t even know they had this stuff, let alone kept it.

“I will definitely come over to look at all these things, but you have to promise me embarrassing stories too” Fred says half joking.

“Why wait until you come to Toronto, we can tell you some now” your grandma responds.

You groan loudly in displeasure. “I think it’s time to go to the park now” you say trying to change the conversation.

While at the park Fred, John and Oliver play together while you and your grandma sit on a bench watching. “I’m sorry about what I said last time I saw you” she says lightly.

“So am I grandma” you agree.

“No, you reacted how you should have. We shouldn’t have said those things to you. It’s taken us a bit to realize that times have changed, and that not everyone has conventional families. You have done a great job raising that boy; he is happy, well-behaved and loved. That’s all that should matter.”

Tears have begun to well in your eyes; you grab her cool hand and hold it in yours. “I am happy that you and Fred are together and you are all a family now. But if that changes, you will always have my support. I just wish I could have shown you that before.”

You kiss her cheek and rest your head on her shoulder “Thank you, but I hope that never happens” you say.

“Your grandpa and I have talked about moving to Pittsburgh so we can be near you and spend some time with Oliver. We understand that you are staying there with Fred, and we would like make up for lost time and –.” Before she can continue you wrap your arms around her.

The tears have now started to spill down your cheeks. Your grandma looks at you “oh dear, I didn’t mean to make you cry” she says wiping them.

“No no Grandma, these are happy tears. I would love it if you came, and so would Fred and Oliver. I think it would be awesome. Be good for Oliver to have family so close since Fred’s family is in Denmark.”

Your grandma smiles and pulls you in tight for a hug. You eventually wander back to the hotel. As you are in the elevator your grandpa says “maybe we can all grab breakfast tomorrow.” “No” Fred says. “We’re not done seeing you today. Join us with my family tonight.” “Oh Frederik we wouldn’t want to impose” she says.

“You wouldn’t be, they are excited to meet you. I’m sure it would be fine” Fred responds.

“That’s okay dear, we are kind of tired from the flight and chasing this guy around the park” your grandma says looking to Oliver. “We will meet them tomorrow as planned though.”

“Okay grandma, love you” you say walking over and hugging and kissing them both on the cheek before they open the door to their hotel room.

You walk into the room and set Oliver down for a nap. Fred’s large arms immediately wrap around you, pulling you in close “you okay? I saw you crying at the park.”

“Yeah that was just from regret I think. All the things I missed, they missed and Oliver missed because I was stubborn. I just…I’m happy I have the time to repair my relationship and Oliver can get to know them.” You feel Fred’s lift graze your head as his arms stoke up and down your arms.

“They mentioned they might move to Pittsburgh” you say looking up at him.

“Yeah John mentioned that to me at the park, I think it would be great” he responds kissing you lightly.

“Me too” you say with a smile.

That night you head to Fred’s parents’ house. As soon as you open the door you hear laughter and music being played and loud conversations. Fred’s parents invited some of his aunts, uncles and cousins down to see you guys.

“Down mommy” Oliver squeals wanting to get inside and see everyone. You set him down and he immediately takes off running into the party. You and Fred laugh as you make your way into the house.

“Frederik” Charlotte exclaims wrapping him in a big hug.

“Hey mom” he says kissing her cheek. She lets go and wraps her arms around you “where is my grandson?” she asks.

“He took off as soon as we opened the door, was too excited to see everyone” you say smiling.

She immediately hands you each a glass of wine and chats with you as she gets some of the food ready. A few minutes later Oliver comes running into the kitchen “daddy I have a drink?” he asks tugging on Fred’s hand.

Before he has the chance to respond Charlotte scoops his up in a large hug “of course you can” she says walking to the fridge “what do you want?” she asks listing off the choices.

“Can I have juice?” he asks.

“Of course you can. I also made some chocolate chip cookies, you want one?“ she asks and Oliver nods with a big smile on his face.

“Mom” Fred groans.

“Oh hush he can have one before dinner” she says opening the container and handing one to him before he runs off.

“Every time she sees him she spoils him” Fred groans causing you to laugh.

“That’s what grandma’s do” you laugh. “If my mom was here, she would be the worst for it.”

After dinner Fred is pulled into conversations with some of his dad and uncles, as you are in the kitchen with Charlotte, Amalie and a couple of his aunts. You are looking out the window as Oliver plays with Fred’s brothers, it is way past his bedtime but you know he is too excited to sleep right now.

“If you aren’t careful your glass will never empty” Amalie says drawing your attention back to the room. You look at your glass which is now full, Amalie nods towards her mother “she has a reputation for bottomless wine.”

“Not a bad problem to have” you say laughing and taking a sip.

“That is until Oliver wakes up at 7am” Amalie smiles.

“Yeah and Fred has had more than me, one of us should be responsible tonight so we can feed him in the morning.”

“I’m really glad you are with him” Amalie says moving closer to you. “I know we don’t know each other all that well but Fred was unbearable last summer when he came to visit” she says to you.

“Yeah, that was my fault. Wish I could have figured this out sooner” you say lightly.

“Would have been good, but you’re here now. That’s what important” she starts taking a sip of wine. “Two years ago when you were pregnant and visited I knew you would end up together. We both did” she says nodding to her mother. “Fred didn’t see it, or maybe he didn’t want to see it but we could tell. When I watched you two experience his first kick, I knew then. I’m so happy you’re with him and now I have a sister.”

You wrap your arms around her “I’m so happy to have a sister, I was an only child growing up.”

You turn your head and see Fred staring at you smiling as he watches you. Soon you hear Oliver crying which draws both of your attention. Fred walks over to him and picks him up and carries him to the kitchen.

“Somebody thinks they are a big boy and can stay up late. And then he falls and normally would get up and keep running, but because it’s almost an hour and a half past his bedtime it’s the worst thing ever” Fred says of the screaming toddler in his arms. You laugh and kiss your sons cheek which doesn’t help his tantrum “let’s get him home and to bed” Fred says.

Oliver fuses while you say goodbye to everyone, and screams when you attempt to buckle him into the car seat. Before you had even made it down the street Oliver had fallen asleep in his car seat.

“All that fussing and he is asleep in under a minute” Fred laughs.

When you arrive at the hotel you carefully remove Oliver and make your way to your room. You put Oliver to bed and see Fred lying fully clothed in bed. You walk over and pull his shirt over his head when Fred wraps his arms around you pulling you into the bed with him.

You are a tangled mess of limbs when he starts kissing your neck. “Babe” you groan “you’re drunk.”

“So? Hasn’t stopped you before” he jokes. He tries to shuffle his weight to be over you, but instead he trips and falls onto the bed. “You haven’t been this drunk before Freddie. I’m not going to take advantage of you.”

You try to move away when Fred places a sloppy kiss on your cheek “take all the advantages you want babe” he growls.

His arms wrap around you and he nips at your ear. You through your head back and laugh as he slides a hand up your shirt.

“Not gonna give up are you?” you joke to him.

“Nope” he says nipping your neck “might as well give in babe.”

You roll to straddle him and place a soft kiss on his lips. “Make you a deal” you whisper against his lips. “I’m going to the bathroom to get ready for bed. If you are still awake and have your pants off when I get back, we can do whatever you want.” You kiss him and he moans into the kiss, you pull away and smirk at him before walking into the bathroom.

When you walk back into the room Fred is asleep his legs hanging off the side of the bed; he has unbuttoned his jeans but never managed to pull them his legs. You laugh at the sight and swing his legs back onto the bed, you attempt to pull his jeans down but Fred mumbles and rolls over.

You give up and crawl into bed beside him pulling the duvet over the both of you. You kiss Fred on the cheek before turning the light off. The next morning, because Oliver stayed up almost 2 hours past his bedtime he slept in until 9. You however had woken up at 8:15, alarmed to see Fred beside you as you assumed Oliver would have woken up by then.

Fred is sprawled out on his stomach, you see a half drank bottle of water on the table beside him. His hair has fallen in front of his eyes, the duvet is hung low on his hips. You see his jeans in a pile on the floor, indicating he woke up at some point in the night. You hear his soft snores, you lean over and place a soft kiss on his temple before crawling out of bed.

You have a shower and order breakfast to the suite when Oliver finally stirs. You quickly walk over and pick him up “hey bud” you whisper “gotta be quiet daddy is sleeping.” You place a kiss on his forehead and get him changed for the day when the food arrives.

You set the food up and put a plate in front of Oliver. You stand up to grab a coffee cup when Fred wraps his arms around you. You can smell the whiskey and wine on him, and feel his warmth from his shirtless body pressed against you “morning” he groans kissing your cheek before sitting down.

You pour him some water and hand him a coffee and breakfast. When you sit beside him you see bags under his eyes, his face is flushed and he is eating slowly indicating his stomach isn’t feeling the best. He pushes his eggs around on his plate, picking at his breakfast.

“Daddy uncle ‘Bastian is so funny” Oliver says. Fred looks up at him and smiles lightly while Oliver rambles on about some of last night’s activities. Oliver finishes his breakfast and Fred helps him down before leaning back in his chair taking a large sip of water.

“I feel fucking terrible” Fred says quietly. You stand up and kiss his cheek before handing him some Tylenol.

“Thanks babe” he replies taking the Tylenol. “How are you doing?” he asks.

You smile and take a sip of coffee “much better than you” you joke and he chuckles.

“No I’m actually doing okay. I stopped before you, and drank a lot less than you. I also had water before bed. Tried to get you to drink some but you passed out with your jeans still on.”

“Yeah I woke up around 4 and drank some but it was too late then” he explains.

“Go have a nap babe, it’ll help you feel better.” Fred stands up and kisses your check before walking to the bedroom and closes the door. You and Oliver play in the living room for a few hours when you hear the shower turn on.

A half hour later Fred walks out and you see some colour has returned to his cheeks. He has on a pair or cargo shorts and a white tee with a black Nike hat “daddy” Oliver squeals running to him.

“Hey big guy” he says throwing Oliver up in the air and tickling him.

“Feeling better?” you ask Fred. He kisses your cheek “yes, the nap helped.” He places a soft kiss on your lips before turning his attention back to Oliver.

“Told my grandparents we’d be leaving in an hour” you say to Fred who is play wrestling with Oliver. You can tell he didn’t really hear you as he pretends to body slam Oliver into the couch “again daddy again!” he squeals. Fred looks up to you and you point to the bedroom, indicating you are going to get ready. He nods before turning his attention back to Oliver.

That afternoon you all arrive at his parents’ house, and are greeted with large hugs. You are so nervous you could almost puke. Fred said not to worry, but you have been so anxious about being around his dad. With everyone over the night before you didn’t have a chance to talk with Ernst much, but tonight it is a much smaller crowd.

Tonight it’s just his parents and your grandparents. His siblings aren’t even home so you know you will likely talk with Ernst at some point. Oliver wanders off to play with some toys Charlotte has set out for him. You are immediately given a glass of wine although you doubt Fred will drink much; your families introduce themselves to each other.

“So you live in England?” Ernst asks to your grandparents.

“We split our time between England and Toronto” your grandpa explains. “I was born in England and have some family here, so we have a flat that we stay in throughout the year. But we recently decided it was too hard splitting our time.”

“So you’re moving back to Toronto?” Charlotte questions.

“For now yes. We are considering moving to Pittsburgh to be closer to (Y/N). Maybe babysit Oliver…” your grandma says.

“Oliver would love that” Fred says.

“I know, spending time with him is the best. We are spending 4 nights with Oliver after you return to England and I am so excited for all that time with him.” Charlotte says.

You shoot Fred a questioning glance “4 nights? Interesting, I didn’t know we were going anywhere without him.”

“I have something planned” he explains shrugging walking over to Oliver to play with him.

“Do I get to know these plans?” you ask.

“Nope” he responds, popping the “p” while grinning before he turns his attention to Oliver.

“A surprise vacation” your grandma says “that will be exciting!”

“Yeah, he has a tendency to plan surprise trips and not tell me” you explain shooting a sideways glance to Fred who is sitting on the floor smiling while pretending not to hear you.

“You’re father used to plan surprise trips for your mother. Sometimes they would be day trips, but he did plan their 10 year anniversary trip without her knowing, even booked time off with her work and everything” your grandpa tells you.

“She loved them, would come back smiling and couldn’t stop talking about them for weeks” your grandma explains. Fred has picked Oliver up and is walking over to you.

“Hopefully this one goes better than the last one” Fred jokes. Everyone sends confused glances towards you both.

“Last one started really well, it was the last couple hours that went horribly” you laugh lightly. “But that won’t happen this time, guaranteed.”

You look at Fred who is now standing beside you; he kisses your forehead “good” he says lightly.

“Dinners ready” Charlotte says. You all sit around the table eating and drinking, your grandparents sharing many embarrassing stories from your childhood. You can tell Fred loves hearing all this content as a smile hasn’t left his face the entire time. You look over to Oliver and notice him beginning to doze off, so you scoop him up and change him into pyjamas before taking him to a room to sleep. When you make your way back to the living room you see people are making their way to the living room.

Ernst walks up to you “(Y/N) can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah of course” you reply as you follow him outside to the patio, butterflies filling your stomach. You sit on one of the patio chairs while Ernst leans against the railing.

“I wanted to apologize to you for what I said when you visited last time”

“You don’t have to apologize you were protecting your son. It’s something I understand now more than ever.”

“Still I shouldn’t have said that to you. I genuinely am sorry. I also wish this apology came much sooner. You have been good for Frederik, I haven’t seen him this happy before.”

“Thank you for the apology. But I understand. It wasn’t an ideal situation how all this transpired. But everything worked out and I wouldn’t change it.” You pause for a second before laughing “Actually I would have met and been in a relationship with him before I got pregnant to make things a million times easier. But everything worked out.”

Ernst laughs a little at your comment. “Yeah it sure did. You and Oliver have changed Fred. I see it. I’m happy you’re in Fred’s life and a part of this family.”

You stand up and walk over to him and give him a hug. You look inside and see Fred staring out at you, watching the exchange.

“I’m also sorry for my comment about your parents. That was completely out of line.”

“Ernst I forgive you, I did a while ago.”

“Still I needed to acknowledge it” he says pulling you in tighter. “I like you (Y/N). You make my son very happy, I wish I could have seen it sooner.”

“It wasn’t an easy path Ernst, all that matters is where we are now” you say smiling at him as you separate.

“Well I’m glad you’re here. And thank you for sending Charlotte the abundance of baby content. Even though we didn’t have the best relationship, you managed to put family first. It really shows the type of person you are and how you were raised” he says.

You can feel a ball forming in your throat, before Ernst continues. “Hopefully Fred locks you down before you wise up and realize you’re too good for him.” This causes you to laugh “I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“Good, I can’t wait to call you my daughter-in-law. Maybe that’s what he has planned on your trip” he says winking and walking back inside.

You stand outside dumbfounded for a few minutes. Is Fred going to propose? I only recently moved back in and we haven’t had conversations about this. A proposal is normally a surprise, but I should have some inclination that it’s coming at some point. We haven’t even said I love you yet, not that I don’t love him. I do love him, and I think he loves me. But shouldn’t we say it to one another before an engagement? After a few minutes and many deep breaths you finally join everyone else inside. You sit on the couch beside Fred who gives you a concerned glance; he watched the entire exchange with his father and can tell your demeanor has shifted. You shoot him a soft smile, trying to reassure him you are okay but you honestly don’t know if you are.

“Are you okay” your grandma asks. “You are awfully quiet.”

“Yeah I’m just getting kind of tired” you lie, but it is somewhat believable since it’s almost 11:30. Everything since your conversation with Ernst has been a blur; you have barely been engaged in the conversation. You can tell Fred is worried about you, you have felt him constantly staring at you all night.

“Yeah” your grandpa blindly agrees. “If we stay we will open another bottle, and we will hate ourselves on our flight tomorrow for it.”

“We should probably be getting back” Fred says squeezing your thigh as he stands up.

You make your way to the door while Fred carefully collects Oliver without waking him. You hug his parent’s goodbye before heading out the car for the drive home. Fred carries a causal conversation with your grandparents as you stare out the window.

A half an hour later you have returned to your hotel, and Oliver is fast asleep in the other room. Fred has changed and is in bed, his back pressed against the headboard. You move to the bathroom to start your night routine, taking your time. You know Fred is going to want to talk about what happened that night, your conversation with his father.

You however are so anxious you could almost vomit. Things are going good between you, and if you’re being honest with yourself you do see yourself marrying him in the future, you just aren’t ready yet. You take extra-long in the bathroom, hoping Fred has fallen asleep and you can avoid this conversation for now, but when you open the door you see him still awake and the lights on.

You crawl into bed, laying a foot away from him looking at the ceiling. You sit in silence for what feels like an hour but was likely only minute before you head Fred take a deep breath.

“What’s going on (Y/N)?” he quietly asks.

“Nothing” you whisper.

He turns his head to you, but you can’t make eye contact still staring at the light fixture on the ceiling.

“Please don’t lie. I saw you outside with my dad for a bit, and he left you out there. You stayed outside a bit after he came in, did he say something? If he did, please tell me so I can talk to him. It’s not okay…” You can feel your heart rate pick up. You can’t focus on what Fred is saying as he keeps rambling.

“Are you going to propose?” you whisper, unable to speak louder.

“What?” he asks.

“Are you going to propose?” you repeat much louder this time. You turn to look at him. He stares at you for a minute before bursting out laughing.

“Is that why you were acting so weird? What gave you that idea?”

“Your dad” you mumble.

“My dad?” he asks.

“He said how he can’t wait until I’m his daughter-in-law. Then he said maybe you had planned on doing it on the trip in a few days.”

Fred shifts in the bed to lay beside you “Elskede I’m not planning on proposing to you on this trip, I don’t have a ring. I’m glad you and my dad are getting along though, I was really worried about what happened.” You roll to your side to look at him, he pushes your hair behind your ear and kisses you lightly. “It’s good to know where you are on that though, would marrying me be that terrible?”

“No babe. I can see that, the white dress, you and Oliver in matching tuxedos; I’m just not there yet. Like I know it’s been two and a half years since we met, but we weren’t together for that whole time. We just moved in together, and I love living with you, and being a family. I’m just…”

Before you can finish Fred presses his lips to yours briefly before pulling back “I know” he whispers, pulling you in tight to his chest causing a light sigh to leave your lips. He tilts your chin up and looks down at you.

“Don’t worry skat, this trip is just about you and me spending some time together. Thought it would be nice to have a few days together, just you and me before the season starts.” He kisses your forehead before continuing “I just wanted to show you how much you mean to me. How much I appreciate you and everything you do. You deserve a couple days off of mom duty, and my mom is super excited to have a few days with him.” You laugh lightly at that comment before Fred closes the gap, gently pressing his lips to yours. You bring your hand up to his chest as you sink into the kiss.

“You deserve to relax” he mumbles against your lips. “Let me help you relax” he says pushing you onto your back.

You slide one hand up to his hair lightly running your hands through it, and your other slides down his stomach toying with the hem of his shirt. His hand slides down to your hips slipping under your shirt. He begins to lightly draw circles on your bare skin, you moan into the kiss.

Fred pulls away and looks down at you, you stare into his brown eyes seeing love look back at you. He stares at you for a moment, staring down at you, but it feels like he is looking into your soul. You want to tell him, you feel it on the tip of your lips but before you can open your mouth Fred kisses you. There is fire and passion behind this kiss.

His hand reaches up your shirt, palming your breast. He is playing with your nipple, before he squeezes it causing you to jump slightly. He chuckles pulling your shirt over your head, his mouth moves to your neck sucking on your sweet spot. Your head leans back into the pillow as you moan, your fingers sliding further down his back.

“Du er så smuk” he whispers in your ear before he pulls your shirt over your head “så smuk.”

His mouth attaches to your nipple, sucking on it. You bend your leg, he brings his hand to stroke up and down the back of your thigh. He slides his hand up into your pyjama shorts gently touching your folds. He slowly slides two fingers in, your hands have now moved down to cup his ass as he moves his fingers in and out slowly.

You moan his name loudly while his fingers continue to slowly thrust in and out of you. He is swirling his tongue around your nipple. You bring your hands up to his elastic band of his shorts and slide them underneath. You try to slide his boxers down his large thighs but are overcome with pleasure as Fred has increased the speed of his fingers; you can’t get your hands to fully work. He pulls his fingers out of you and helps you pull them off, his cock slapping against his chest as it frees from its restraints. He pushes your shorts down your legs, and throws them to the side.

On his way back to you, he places light kisses on the inside of your thigh as he approaches your core. His hands glide over your body, while he plants light feathery kisses on you. You melt into his touch, your moans filling the room. Your arousal is at a peak, you are practically dripping and can’t contain yourself when you feel Fred place light kisses on your wet pussy before finally licking you.

A deep moan leaves your mouth as he looks up smiling, his eyes now dark with lust. He returns his mouth to your core to lick your folds a few more times. There is something different about tonight, it isn’t rushed. Every movement is lined with passion, it’s soft and sensual.

He is gently placing kisses on your folds, while his hand lightly caresses up your thigh. He turns his head to your thigh and places soft kisses on you.

“Babe” you moan softly as he reattaches his mouth to your clit.

He lightly sucks on it before opening you up and sliding his tongue inside you. He gently pushes his tongue in and out of you, your hands slide to his shoulders while his tongue glides over your wetness.

He pulls back to suck on your clit and brings his fingers up grazing over your folds. He slowly slides a finger in, then two, slowly he slowly starts pumping his fingers in and out, curling inside as his mouth sucks on your clit.

You know that this speed won’t have your orgasm crashing over you any time soon. But tonight is about more than that and you both know it. Fred slips his mouth from you, and begins to make his way up to you, leaving a trail of soft kisses on your stomach, chest and neck.

His fingers continue to slowly pump in you, as you moan. Fred brings his head to yours and kisses you, you taste yourself on him when you feel his fingers slip out and it’s replaced by his tip which is pressed against your entrance.

He brings a hand up to your hair and engages you in a deep kiss before he slowly thrusts into you, bottoming out while keeping his lips on yours. You wrap your legs around his waist as you lift your hips and begin rocking with him. He sets a slow and sweet pace as he thrusts into you, one hand placed on the bed beside your head, the other holding your leg around him.

“Fuck you feel so good” he groans. “You’re so tight” he mumbles biting your neck gently; sending shivers through you.

Your hand is wrapped around his neck, your other on his back tightens, nails digging into his muscles. He keeps his pace slow, but every thrust is deep, pressing into your g-spot. You can feel your high slowly approaching as he keeps pushing into you. He peppers your collarbone and neck with soft kisses.

“Freddie” you moan as his cock pushes deep inside you. He almost pulls out completely before pushing back in fully. His head dips down and he starts sucking on your hard pink nipple, swirling his tongue around it. He can feel your high approaching as he keeps his pace “wait for me baby” he whispers rocking into you.

“Always” you reply.

You take your hand from his back and bring it around to your sensitive bud and begin rolling circles onto it.

“You’re something else babe” he says lightly in your ear before gently biting it.

“Fuck” you mutter, arching your back further to increase the angle he is hitting you. You hear Fred begin to mumble curse words above you as he becomes erratic and sloppy. His hand slides up your thigh to your ass lifting your hips higher, he grips your ass tightly as he continues his deep slow thrusts. Sweat is dripping down his chest, his forehead glistens in the light.

“Babe, I’m gonna…” Fred starts to say. You cut him off by kissing him passionately, you feel yourself be filled with his warmth. The feeling of his warm cum inside you has your high comes crashing over you. An intense explosion erupts within you, as you pulsate around his cock.

He collapses onto you, kissing your cheek as he stills inside you. You both take a minute to regain your breath. After a few minutes he lifts himself on his forearms and looks into your eyes, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. He embraces you in his grip, locking you into a fierce kiss. He pulls out, some of his warm cum spills out and down your thigh. He gets up and heads to the bathroom for a few minutes.

He returns a few minutes later with a pair of boxers on and a warm wash cloth. He gently cleans you up before pulling one of his t-shirts over your head. Fred crawls into bed beside you, pulling you into his chest.

Fred lies on his back, you tucked tightly into his arm. You have your hand placed softly on his chest as your hear his heart beat. The beating of his heart is a soothing sound and you begin to doze off when you hear him whisper “jeg elsker dig.”

“What was that babe?” you mumble.

“Mm, oh nothing. Go to sleep babe.”

Next Chapter

#frederik andersen #Freddie Andersen #fred andersen #frederik andersen fic #frederik andersen smut #freddie andersen smut #freddie andersen fic #frederik andersen x reader #freddie andersen x reader #fred andersen smut #Fred Andersen Fic #NHL Smut #NHL Fic #fred andersen x reader #fredzilla #because two people got drunk #my writing

49 notes · View notes

a-libra-writes · 5 years ago

Text

SFW Alphabet - Arthur Shelby

Hey yall! Im gettin into the swing of writing for Peaky Blinders. If you have any requests for preferences, imagines, alphabets, fics - please send them my way!

(Psst Arthur is my fav, best boi no one can convince me otherwise. Ok alfie is a close second but we arthur squad on this blog)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

He's less "affectionate" and more "lovingly clingy". Arthur adores your attention and wants it all the time. He's holding your waist while you cook, having you sit in his lap at the bar or pulling you into his embrace on the couch … and of course kisses are a part of this package. He just feels off when he doesn't get his daily dose of affection from you. While Arthur would understand if you weren't in the mood or busy, he'd (im)patiently wait for you to be available.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As loyal and protective as he is, Arthur isn't always the best influence as a friend. He'll be a bit gentler and try to censor himself with a woman, but once you really get to know him, he's comfortable being himself. While he's initially on guard with strangers, it's easy for him to appreciate someone who is kind and understanding.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

It's pretty obvious that he's the bigger cuddler between the two of you. He can't get enough of the safe and comfortable feeling of your embrace. When he's feeling tired, he'll rest his head in the crook of your neck, and when he's particularly upset he'll want to rest on your chest. The bed is probably the most comfortable place to cuddle, but a settee in front of a warm fire suits you both well, too. His hold is loose unless he's upset - then you might need to ask him to be a little gentler.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He tries not to dwell on it, but Arthur has wanted a family for some time. It's hard to keep those domestic thoughts from knocking when he's spending time with you. As for cooking and cleaning, he's … pretty shit at both. He'll try, but don't expect much. He still likes to hang around the kitchen when you cook to talk with you and hand you things.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d try to be quick and blunt about it, detached - like Tommy always is - but Arthur would struggle to look you in the eye and string the right words together. Afterward he’d have to hit the drink and coke hard to get the awful, swirling emotions out of his gut, and to drown out the way your face fell.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He got attached to you quickly, so it’s not a surprise that he’d start thinking about marrying you just as swiftly - not helped by Tommy and Finn encouraging him to do it already. He knew it was too soon to ask such a thing of you, and the two things urging him toward this decision were complete opposites: On one hand, he loved you already, on the other hand, there was a twisted desire to “keep” you before you could “get away”. The possessive thoughts made him feel guilty, but not enough to try and feel out what you thought of marriage. Of course, he’d always have a voice telling him he didn’t deserve such a thing with you to begin with, but that was often pushed aside by his affection and jealousy.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Arthur tries, he really does. Sometimes he touches you so lightly, it’s like he thinks you’ll break, other times he holds far too tightly and kisses too roughly. There are happy middles, of course, but a lot of it just depends on his state of mind at the time. Sometimes he gets carried away with a positive or negative mood and you have to remind him to not hold so tight.

Emotionally, Arthur tries just as hard to speak to you with nothing but affection, but on days when his head is swarming with awful thoughts, he’ll end up raising his voice or breaking things around the house. You don’t stand for it, of course, and he does eventually come down and apologize. He normally speaks to you like you’re the only, loveliest girl in the world, since that isn’t far from the truth for him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He loves it when you initiate hugs, and not just when he’s spiraling - just whenever you feel like it, because you love him. The unconditional affection just immediately distracts him from whatever he was doing, and he wants to cling to you and keep you there for longer. Getting a hug from behind or the side is fine, but he’s going to turn around and pull you into a proper one.

He likes totally wrapping you up in his wiry arms, keeping you firmly in place by holding your waist or your back. His body will lean into you, and when you’re alone, he’s probably the one who will start the swaying. When his mood is more turbulent, he pulls you roughly to him and squeezes you tightly, like you’ll float away if he doesn’t keep you here.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Arthur tells himself to hold off on saying such a thing even if he feels it early into your relationship. He doesn’t want to scare you off, because let’s be honest, he’s still surprised you want to see him after every day. But being the emotional man he is, he can’t stop it from tumbling out. It’d probably happen when you two were just spending time together, the sun hit your hair just right, you looked up at him with a sweet smile, touched his arm and … said something totally innocuous, only for him to blurt out those three words over you.

A fun fact he doesn’t remember - one time he was nearly black-out drunk, and while you helped him stumble home, he “confessed” to you several times with varying degrees of success. It was almost cute, although you were positive he wouldn’t remember. You had an idea of his feelings, anyway, it’s not like he’s subtle.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Oh boy.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s nothing against you. He’s just a jealous man, and there is zero logic to it. It’s a pure emotional reaction and he feels it hard. More than once you’ve pulled Arthur away for getting aggressive with a man who was simply making smalltalk. It doesn’t matter how many times you scold him (you’re so beyond comforting this insecurity), it’s like a knee-jerk reaction with him. Much of it comes from his fears of losing you, which you understand … But it doesn’t mean you have to tolerate and allow it. If he even tries to scowl while you’re just chatting with a man, you firmly tell him to knock it off.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

His kisses are often quick and messy; he likes giving several at once instead of one, long one. If he does it to your neck, you can get quite breathless, especially when he’s holding you and saying something sweet. Arthur likes your lips a lot, he thinks they’re just so soft and even lovelier with your favorite shade of lipstick. Your neck is a close second, but even if you’re bare before him, he’ll keep getting distracted by that smile.

Any kiss you give is a good one, but for the longest time it was the kisses you’d give to his cheek and jaw that would take him off guard and fluster him the most. It was such a basic gesture, but one he hadn’t experienced in … Well, he can’t recall. You’d be stopping by the shop to say hello, or on your way to leave the house, and you never forgot to kiss him hello and goodbye. The gesture was nothing short of intimate to him.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Arthur is initially awkward with kids, but he does what he can. He’s hopeless if you hand him a baby, even if he likes it when they look at him, and he isn’t always sure how to talk to them. He’ll end up talking like he normally does, just a little more censored. If the kids are older, he falls into a natural older brother and even fatherly roll, teaching them things they prooobably shouldn’t know at their age.

With his own children, he’d be far too indulgent, something you tease him about several times. Lord forbid if he has any girls because they will be both spoiled rotten and absolutely overprotected. He’d want to be a much better father than his own was, and would look forward to teaching his son all sorts of things, … and his daughter, if she asked, because he can’t say no to her. Yes, both he and the kids were in for an earful once you found out he was teaching them how to fight and defend themselves.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He’s not a morning person, period, end of sentence. Good luck getting his ass up anytime before ten, and if he’s been drinking or out doing god knows what, make that before noon. Even when he’s up, he’s grumbling and stumbling here and there as he gets ready. You’ll probably have to make sure his tie is straight and he doesn’t forget anything (his sleepy, appreciative smile is very cute).

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

More often than not, he’s coming home drunk off his ass or reeling from something he had to take care of. He gets home at ridiculous hours, and you aren’t about to stay up all night. You wake up briefly when you feel his arm wrap around your waist and pull you close, mumbling sleepily and smelling of alcohol and streets the whole time. If you’re actually up when he’s back, you make a point to point him to the shower, and then it’s nothing but snuggles and maybe something more. Arthur does prefer to get home early, and he really tries, but … well, business is business. He also prefers being sober when you welcome him back and curl up with him.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Once you have his trust and he feels comfortable speaking with you, there’s really nothing stopping Arthur’s floodgates. When you’re curled up on the couch and he’s resting his head against your warm chest, taking in your scent and your heartbeat while you run your fingers down his back, he’ll literally tell you anything. When his dark moods are taking over and you calmly hold him and talk him through it, it’s easy for him to be more honest with you than anyone else in his life. This is doubly so when he’s drunk; although much of that is rambling and saying how much he loves you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Well, you can probably guess how easy it is to set off his temper - the exception is you can’t say and do far more than anyone else can, because he just can’t imagine being legitimately upset with you. This is why you’re the go-to person when he gets set off, even before you two were a couple. The Shelbys dubbed you as their “Arthur handler” before you knew it. The thing is, you could probably “get away” with a lot when it comes to Arthur; he adores you and thinks the best of your intentions.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Arthur is a bit of a mixed bag on this. He’s not great with specific preferences of your’s, like what you prefer for dinner and your taste in books, but he has good intuition for situations that make you upset or happy. As an example, Arthur would be very aware of any phobias you have or trauma you’ve suffered and would make a point to avoid triggering it. If flowers will put you in a better mood, you’ll sure as hell have them in your house when you come home. If Tommy decides something he knows you won’t like, he’ll try to talk to you first and ease you into the idea.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It’s hard for him to pick just one, but a serious moment to consider was also a turning point in your relationship. You’d known the Shelbys for some time and were on well enough terms with them, but you were still surprised when Tommy called for you to look after Arthur for a few days. He’d had a terrible episode - you weren’t given the details - and you spent hours gently soothing and talking to him. He actually opened up to you far more than he had anyone at that point, and it didn’t hit him until later how unafraid and non-judgmental you were. It was in your living room, you had gotten him some tea and were speaking softly while rubbing his back. You didn’t make him feel weak or blamed him for anything. You just listened, and he couldn’t help but compare you to an angel in that moment. He wanted to see you the next day, even if he still wasn’t in a great headspace, just to talk to you and make sure it really happened. You really did comfort and hold a sorry bastard like him.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He was always protective when you were friends, and once you’re together, it’s even moreso. Arthur wouldn’t bring up you learning to use a gun, but if you expressed even a little interest he’d offer to teach you, at least the basics. He’d feel comforted just with a knife strapped somewhere to your leg, anything worked, even if he kept assuring you that you’d never have to use either weapon. You don’t doubt for a second that he’d throw himself in front of a gun for you, and in uncertain times he’s had men posted outside your home.

Arthur wouldn’t expect the same level of protectiveness at all from you. It’s his job to keep you safe, and truthfully, putting yourself in danger for his sake would only make him feel panic and guilt. But you emotionally protecting him, and sticking up for him around others, that would just get him flustered and grateful. He’ll never get tired of hearing you talk about how much you trust and love him.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Well, honestly, sometimes he forgets things you were supposed to do together because Tommy kept him out all night, or he got too drunk and passed out at the bar … …. And he knows your anger is justified when that happens. When he actually does remember, he tries to plan things out for your birthday, somewhere nice you two can drive to and really enjoy yourselves.

He actually doesn’t need a reason to buy you things. If it’s pretty and shiny, and something about it just reminds him of you, he’ll buy it without thinking. He likes spoiling you, even if you’re the sort of girl who doesn’t really wear jewelry or fancy clothes, he can’t help it. Flowers and sweets will also be given to you in equal measure, just because.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

You both know he has plenty of them, you don’t even need to ask him if something’s gone wrong because the look of guilt on his face tells you enough. Arthur really does try to be better with you, and he’s leagues better than he was - as Tommy will often tell you - but the pain he picked up from war and his upbringing are just etched too deep, at least, he thinks so. He at least tries to keep you from seeing his worst side, but that just makes him all the more grateful when he comes home a complete mess and you’re there to comfort him.

The drinking is a problem, the cocaine - ooh, you’ve have words about that with John and Michael - the slips of control and anger … It’s a lot, and no one blames you for being tired, least of all Arthur. So when his mind is clear, he tries to be his best for you and show you how much he loves and appreciates you.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

There’s always been other things on his mind other than his appearance; he looks after his personal grooming and wears the same nice clothes as his brothers, but he also tends to get absolutely filthy and bloody from his brawls. At least he knows to wash up before beelining to see you. Arthur does like it when you compliment him, though, and he makes a point to buy any ties and coats you’ve bought him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’d absolutely be lost without you, and he knows it. In his darker moods he thinks that the only thing keeping him alive is you. If you left him, or worse - something had happened to you - he’d be in such a dangerous state that Tommy would be seriously worried and would try to intervene. If that means dragging you back and trying to calmly ask you to reconsider being with Arthur, so be it.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

You don’t remember how or when you two picked up this habit, but you began to enjoy mindlessly driving around. You’d chat while meandering around Small Heath, and if you saw something interesting, Arthur would pull over and you both would take a look. You’d end up finding interesting parks or tucked away cafes; one time ended up in a bizarre art gallery that the two of you tried very hard not to laugh at. This became a little tradition whenever you’d visit a new place: Drive around and just see what you stumble upon. A silly side effect of this is anytime Polly and Tommy would bring up a restaurant or store on the other side of town, they’d be dumbfounded as to how the hell Arthur knew about it first.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He sleeps like a total log, especially when he’s drunk. He’ll still be holding onto you, since that’s probably how he fell asleep, but his grip is fairly loose and it’s easy for you to wiggle out of it if you’re cramped or too hot. Without you, he doesn’t sleep nearly as well, often waking up in the night and tossing and turning. He forgets how much he likes your comforting presence until he has to sleep without it.

#arthur shelby #arthur shelby x reader #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #sfw alphabet

183 notes · View notes