#my relationship with him is not parasocial it is v much real

[evnne]

[bucknastysbabe]

idk if your taking requests but I’m in desperate need of more modern AU Jace fics. Maybe if he was a cocky hockey player with his giant dick I need smut 🙏

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Hockey player!Jace, Actress!Reader, fake dating trope, my not sly commentary about parasocial fangirl behaviors and pressure on women in high profile industries, she has honkers and he has a horse cawk match made in heaven, Jacey is a little sweet babey always, real kittycat eating hours, teasing, pnv!sex, v!fingering, fast burn, lots of banter :)

Taglist: @arcielee @aemonds-holy-milk @targaryenbarbie @valeskafics @fallingintoyourlilaceyes @fairysluna @sugarpoppss2 @lovelykhaleesiii

The contracts were to be signed today. Jace was to be in a PR ‘relationship’ with this break-out actress. He was a star himself in the NHL, winning the Hart Memorial trophy for being the most valuable player his rookie year. He played centre, covering the ice and passing to his teammates to make a goal. He got a huge deal in the aftermath.

Suddenly his world was much more glamorous.

He wasn’t sure who sucked whose dick but he agreed to dating the starlet. He flew down from Toronto to the upscale management office in New York to meet the chick. He’d heard her name, couldn’t put a face to it, and certainly didn’t look her up. The brunette hoped she was a looker like his manager said.

He was pleasantly surprised, shaking her manicured hand. Jacaerys grinned as he introduced himself, poorly hiding his leering gaze on her tight little body. The actress was smoking hot. He wondered if she would be down to fool around. He had no desire for romance outside of planned sightings. He wasn’t much into that at the moment. Jace dated his high school sweetheart Rhaena until he’d gone big time.

She didn’t acclimate to fame and his constant absence. Jace understood why she broke it off. When they were seen— reporters interrupted. Pictures of fan girls crowding around him surfaced all the time. She deleted her socials due to harassment. He was saddened but figured it was a sign to let loose. So let loose he did.

Jacaerys had fucked plenty of puck bunnies, professional athletes, and the occasional hook-up with famous names by now. His brother called him cocky, and his mother snapped to not let the fame get to his head. He listened, truly, Jace loved his family and wanted to make them proud.

But honestly? When he was accomplishing everything he dreamed of and the money was flowing in, Jace couldn’t help but feel a bit over-confident. He knew he was talented, handsome, and a good fuck. He’d learned from a young age that his…dick…was different. In layman’s terms, he had a horse cock. By God, he was proud of that thing too.

They sat down in adjacent chairs, waiting for the agent to come to debrief them on the terms of the relationship. Jacaerys' brown eyes flicked over to her bored face, down to her busty chest, and back up. She scoffed “You haven’t seen my tits on the silver screen?”

He grinned, asking “I don’t get around to movies much. Care to enlighten me?”

Her lips turned into a frown, posture stiffening up. The actress shook her head, pulling out her phone to text rapidly. She was likely talking shit. Jace prodded, “What? Am I missing something? I’m playing hockey year round babe.”

“I literally am up for a Golden Globe for leading actress in a drama,” she grumbled, “Apparently you don’t read either.” She turned back to type on her phone again, lips settling into a pout. The athlete was a little taken aback by her attitude. He liked it. It appeared she was used to cinephile sycophants and co-stars trying to get a piece.

He hummed a laugh, spreading out in the wide chair. They waited, her nails clicking on the cell phone beginning to irritate Jacaerys. He absently asked "You like hockey? It's pretty fun to watch live."

"I don't really pay attention to sports, I act year round babe."

Jace's eyes widened in surprise. She was a spitfire under the glossy hair and now placid expression. He knew better than to irk her more, his mother taught him to respect women. The athlete was drawn in, he wanted a reaction, the attention whether it was negative or not. He smirked at her, leaning over, "Why did you pick me then? Don't like hockey, don't seem quite fond of me."

Her own lips curled a bit, the woman tucking a loose lock of hair behind a jeweled ear. She stated, "I got a list, you were single and cute. Word on the street was that you were a bit nicer than who I am sitting with now. Don't worry, it won't be too long, you'll be back to railing your way through Toronto soon." Her smile was thin, a blank look to her eyes.

Jace's chest fluttered a bit, guilt seeping into his mind. Before he could apologize the door opened. A man in a suit briskly walked in, setting down some papers. He eyed the pair to ask "Ready for the terms?" They both nodded, and Jace noticed her frown grow deeper. Damn. He felt like an asshole.

"Alright Jacaerys Velaryon, you'll be 'dating' my client for three months minimum. If you two hit it off, good job, enjoy your relationship. You two must be seen in public at least bi-weekly, my client will be at your games, and maintaining PDA is required. I'd recommend going out with your friends and playing the part. We'll sign an NDA and get this show on the road. Sound good?"

"Sure."

"Can't wait," she deadpanned.

They scribbled their names and exited the meeting. The actress ignored Jacaerys as she left, answering a phone call, pointedly looking away. He eventually cornered her up to exchange phone numbers. The pair had to exit the building at separate times so as not to draw attention.

Jace decided to read up on his faux girlfriend for the flight home. The actress was talented, the same age as him, and booked for the year. He decided to shoot her a text, damned lingering guilt eating at him. The hockey player was soft at heart, always had been. He could play the part of a cocky athlete but he truly hated confrontation, upsetting others, and general dickishness. That was for his uncles.

"Sorry about being a dick. Going to watch your movie tonight. Should I start with your small role in that sitcom?"

His dark eyes raptly watched the typing bubble. It disappeared, reappeared-- finally a response showed up. She had replied with an emoji rolling its eyes. "God, please don't, I look like a freak. The movie is much better. Then you can tell me about my tits. Apology accepted. See you next week in Toronto, make sure to clean the thongs outta your place."

Jace grinned, excitement coursing through his veins. He ended up making a big show picking her up from the airport. He grabbed the luggage and put it in his new sleek car. A couple of people had stopped her, even Jace for some autographs. The brunette made sure to hug the actress-- pulling her in for a searing kiss. His hand possessively splayed across her lower back, fingers grazing her pert ass.

He opened the door to let her in the car, cameras flashing now. Jace leaned in to whisper, "I have to admit, you have a beautiful body." She flushed and pecked his lips again, shooting him a smile. The hockey player climbed into the driver's side and off they went. He snuck a look and added, "I didn't really find any thongs but everything is pristine, Miss Golden Globe Nominee."

"Good, Mister Hart Trophy Winner."

Jace couldn't help but smile. He enjoyed her banter while they headed to his place. The woman was witty and playful, her icy facade melting as he listened to her. Jace carried her bags into the luxury apartment complex, while she had a roller bag. He teased, "You got boulders in here?"

"I'm staying for a bit, need to be prepared. You can run around in a tracksuit and no one bats an eye. If I look like a slob the tabloids are going to wonder if I'm a drunk or something. You won't believe the 'inside sources' I apparently have."

Jace frowned, scoffing, "That's bullshit. They put so much pressure on women in the industry."

She gazed at him, eyes softened as she thanked him in a reverent tone. Jace felt his cheeks heat up. He was beginning to wonder if he was having a moment of weakness or simply struck dumb by her looks and powerful presence. "At the least, I'm not a model."

Jacaerys snorted. He's had his fair share of models. He assumed they were all a bit nutty from the coke, not the horrid pressure from their nigh-impossible standards of beauty to uphold. "Good point," he conceded.

She stared around his loft, lips quirking up. The woman placed her bag down and strolled to the huge windows overlooking the city. Casting a glance back at Jacaerys she marveled, "It's gorgeous Jacaerys. Much prettier than LA." He smiled and replied, "Wait until you see it at night, I never get tired of the view."

Jace liked the way she said his full name. Maybe too much. He felt his cheeks begin to burn again. His animal hindbrain tittered "How would she sound moaning that?"

Awkwardness settled over the pair, her turning back to look out the window. Jace stated, "I'll put your things in the guest room, it's got a big bathroom and all."

"Thanks hun," she hummed. She followed along to place the luggage down, flopping onto the bed. Her big eyes followed Jace's form as she commented, "I highly doubt you decorated the place but it's nice. Very...Feng shui."

"Mom did all of that, I do try to keep it clean. I fear she'll appear and scold me. You could lick off the floor at my place growing up."

"Ha! I wish! I'm cluttered as all get out."

Jace gave her a faux glare, "Better keep it tidy, babe."

"Uh-huh, sure, what's on the docket for today? I want a tour and a cocktail to cap it off at dinner."

"You mean the club?"

Jace couldn't stop his cock from twitching when she smiled at him coquettishly, sparkling teeth gleaming as she purred "Of course stud, let's see what the rake of the Maple Leafs is putting down. I wanna see you dance!"

Oh. He was in quite deep. Jacaerys Velaryon might have developed an infatuation faster than he could pass a puck.

They held hands walking around Toronto, catching lunch as he showed her the sights. They rested on a bench in a park, Jace's arm slung around her shoulders, their heads close together as they spoke. The pair of them stared at her phone, giggling. The actress read off the Instagram post, "Starlet dating hockey star Jace Velaryon?"

"They're quick with it, for the love of god don't look at the comments."

Her pretty eyes rolled, "They call me an industry whore, nothing new, let me see this." Her red lacquered nail clicked on the comments. She guffawed, lips spreading into a smile. Jace raised a brow and looked over. He shook his head in annoyance-- how could 'fans' of his be so angry? Wouldn't they want him to be happy?

'Please, this won't last a second.'

'Pr relationship so obvious.'

'Jaceeeee whyyyyy she's such a bad actress.'

"A Golden Globe nominee is a bad actress? God, don't listen to that nonsense," he grumbled, tightening his arm around her shoulders. She shrugged and clicked on a fan page of her own. Jace seemed to settle at the more uplifting comments. He laughed out loud at one, 'Loveeee get it mother!' Jace outright guffawed at the second one, 'Be careful babes, don't get split by his infamous horse dick!!!'

"I like my fans better. I'll have to check out your fan cams at some point."

Jace rolled his eyes, helplessly grinning. His eyes flicked to a camera shuttering. Ah great, paparazzi, he thought. The brunette was planning on intentionally kissing her. He glared at the person and sniffed, "Come on, let's head back to my place for a bit." She cooed "What? Don't want your pic taken Jacey?"

"Nope, we need nap time before hitting the nightlife."

"I hope we see Drake. That would be cool."

Jace laughed his ass off. When they got into the elevator he crowded her up, hands on her waist. She inhaled, eyes widening, full lips quirking up. He murmured softly, "You're so...I can't find the words." Her arms loosely linked around his shoulders, soft lips so close. She whispered, "Actions speak louder than words pretty boy."

Next thing Jace knew her legs were locked around his hips, the pair making out as he blindly keyed open the door to his loft. Kicking the door open, the brunette pressed her against the wall, mouthing his way down her neck. The actress' nails dug into his shoulders as she moaned, breasts heaving in excitement. He nipped at her collarbone, mumbling, "Lemme eat you out, fuck, please."

"Bed now," she demanded in return.

He deposited the beauty on his bed, wildly jerking at his clothes. She was shimmying off her leggings, the sweatshirt she borrowed hitting the wall. Jace climbed atop her in his underwear, grinding against her pussy, mouth latching back onto plush lips. She whined under her breath when he lapped into her mouth, calloused hands playing with peaked nipples.

They grew sloppy, Jace finally kissing and sucking his way down her tight body. He grabbed one of her legs as he sucked on the thin skin of the hip, dark eyes blown black with arousal. She gripped at his hair, breathless, "Fu-uck Jacaerys, please, please." Jace grinned, rumbling, "I gotcha baby, screw the club, I'll show you a good time tonight yeah?" He was hopelessly earnest, swollen lips hovering above her mound.

"Yes yes baby, want it all, please, you're killing me." Jace could lose his mind at the way her voice cracked into a whimper, brows pinching in agony. She even thrust fruitlessly upwards-- Jace's other hand keeping her hip pinned. He grunted, "Spread em' sweetheart."

He tongued at her engorged clit off the rip, hands digging into the soft meat of the thighs. The actress cried out, back arching all gorgeous, tits bouncing with the movement. Her hand tightened in his curls as Jace suckled, eyes watching every little move. He snuck his fore and middle fingers up and across her sopping slit, smirking.

He delved them into her cunt as his tongue joined, playfully lapping as the excess slick, moaning at her natural taste. She whimpered again, thighs tightening as Jacaerys crooked his fingers up into her g-spot, flicking his tongue upwards and back to her clitoris. He paused to groan, "You feel good pretty girl?"

She moaned his name and babbled nonsense, pussy throbbing and drenching his fingers. Jacaerys' smiled-- she moaned his name just as he imagined. He had a rhythm alternating between teasing jabs of his tongue and suckling on the bundle of nerves. She was growing frantic, tossing her hair around and practically howling in pleasure.

He sped up the pace, relentlessly working her pretty pussy until the darling shrieked his name, clenching his hair. Her thighs twitched and clamped around his head, body arched as she heaved and cried. Jace groaned at her gushing around his fingers, long lashes fluttering in pure want. He needed to fuck her, now.

He pulled down his briefs as she laid back, panting, pretty face dazed and flushed-- a light sheen of sweat had covered her naked body. He climbed atop her, pleading, "C'mon sweets, think you can take it? Take me? I'll give you another orgasm, too goddamn perfect not too, god."

Her lidded eyes widened at his cock. It was flushed and heavy, too heavy to do anything but hang between his impossibly toned thighs. The actress rasped, "Give it to me, I can take it, ease it in." She kissed the brunette open-mouthed and wet, shaky legs pulling up to cage his hips in.

Jace's breath stuttered as he guided the fat tip of his cock into her soaked pussy, feeling the stretch immediately. She clung to him, pouring herself into his lips, nails digging into his shoulder blades. He slid in another agonizing two inches, gasping, "Fuck you're tight."

She responded by sucking blooming marks into his tensed neck, eyes rolling up when the thick middle of his cock spread her wide open. "Jacaerys, Jacaerys, you feel so good- so damn big baby!" He kept pushing against the slight resistance, settling as deep as he could.

His brown eyes clenched tight, she was like a silky glove around his cock. Hazily he felt her stomach, eyes lolling around at the bump from his cock. She was mewling wetly at the junction of neck and shoulder, non-stop babbling about being so full. Jace panted, "Mm, yeah, lookit' you, stretched your pretty pussy out."

He began to fuck in earnest, chasing a high. Her cunt dragged and clung to his fat cock, ridged insides sending sharp arousal up his spine. Jace lost himself in the moment, mouthing at a pert nipple, heavy balls slapping against her ass. She cried and yelled, worthy of a fucking porno. He knew he wasn't going to last long. But the way she was practically shivering and fuck-dumb, slurring her words of nonsense, she was right with Jace.

"M'gonna cum baby, you on birth control?"

"Fuck me, jus' keep fuckin' me," she rasped. Plan B was always an option when her mind returned to non-mush. Jace kept fucking her as instructed, groans growing desperate and guttural. His balls were drawing up, aching from how needy he was to cum.

He kissed her one more time, swallowing her noises before pulling back to pant against her cheek, hips beginning to stutter. He snuck a hand down to her cunt, thumbing her clit. Just when he thought it couldn't get any better-- she shrieked again. A gush of her slick engulfed his cock, wet noises filling the bedroom. Jace cried her name, shoving himself deep and filling her up.

He might've sent her into another orgasm but Jacaerys was whited out from pleasure. All the athlete could do was pathetically groan as his cock twitched and pumped his heavy load into her cock, thickening the slick coating on his prick, collecting around where they joined. It was delightfully filthy. He came too with a deep inhale, sliding out with a mewl and flopping away.

Overstimulation was a common theme with the girls he fucked-- Jace knew to give some space in the immediate aftermath. It wasn't too long before she complained, "Why are you flopped over there? Get over here, you just fucked my brains out."

He grinned like a sap. How did she have yet another moment where he found himself deeper in desire for the woman. Jace murmured, "My bad, my bad, didn't want to overheat you or anything." She retorted, "I'm a cuddler Jacaerys Velaryon, you should remember that about your girlfriend." He chuckled, jerking her into his embrace, tucking a chin on her shoulder.

"They didn't lie about your horse dick. Hate to tell your fan girlies that cock belongs to me now."

Jace smirked, pressing a gentle peck to her skin, "It's all yours, believe me. They can find the next rookie of the year to be their online boyfriend."

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

[spencersagnew]

omg heyyyy bestie. top five smosh members?? - katie @jovenshires <3

ok. so im assuming this is cast not crew + i know they are technically not cast but they are to ME so spencer and tommy will be on here:

spencer - it's the titular role. like cmon! i love Some Guys and he is thee Some Guy of all Some Guys. i think out of everyone @ smosh, his personality (at least from what we've seen) seems the most similar to mine so there's also that sweet sweet parasocial projection. in comedy there's the Straight Man (no pun intended) and while he doesn't serve exactly that role in the cast, his more laidback energy is a good contrast to the rest of em. he IS my number 1 boy but everyone else i'm listing won't be ranked bc i acc haven't thought it through woops

angela - she's everything to me ! not the girlfailure representation that we need, but the girlfailure representation that we DESERVE. i love how much energy she brings and the fact that she lit rally has chemistry with every other cast member also means that no matter the vid she's in, the dynamics are always 🤌 like the fact that she's that naturally charismatic but in addition is also super talented (halftime show, the time when she called the restaurant etc) is kind of fucked up tbh /j

chanse - talented. showstopping. never been done before etc etc. chanse just has this confidence that i don't see in other cast members? like yea everyone is p confident and out there bc they're all actors / internet personalities, but there's something about him that just hits different ya know? him and angela need to do more musical content this year fr ! also, out of all the quotes / jokes / vocal stims the cast do, the only one i've acc picked up on irl is "that's good" which i realized the other day lmao

damien - caveating this with obvi we don't acc know these people + you shouldn't be looking to celebs / internet celebs as models for political opinions, but from what i've seen he seems to be a v empathetic / caring person in his interpersonal relationships which also seems to translate to his morals / ethics ! like he's not mother theresa and it's the bare minimum, but he's been the most vocal about palestine, covid etc. and is also pretty open about his mental health. ofc he's talented, funny, charismatic etc like the other cast i'm listing here but wanted to shout out him for other reasons otherwise this list gets boring bc as you can see i can YAP

tommy - it's wild bc i don't think there's a specific reason i can say why he's one of my favs, but anytime we get him in a vid it's a treat ! imo part of the reasons the funerals became successful was def cause of the will reader character + his humor / personality i resonate with a lot - can't remember what specific vid it was but someone referred to ian as the straight tommy - the vibes of being tired / depressed but just living through it are incredibly Real of him. so happy he decided to create / star in / produce serving cunt so we can see him shine. multi-hyphenate king 👑

honorable mention to MARI - can't believe she invented smosh feminism ! but no fr back in the day when i was in my second smosh era it was cause of her / OGSoG + also i was lowkey a marhinki 🙊

send me top 5 anything

[cheriefairy]

₊˚⊹ᡣ𐭩Streaming Obsession

˖ ࣪⊹Summary: When your favorite male streamer, Helios , makes his devotion know to you, you find yourself in a twisted game of love.

˖ ࣪⊹Character included: Helios

˖ ࣪⊹Cw/tags: willing reader, slight pet play, parasocial relationship turned "real" relationship, stalker darling

˖ ࣪⊹A/N: this is my first oc yandere post so I most definitely would like feedback and lmk ur thoughts ps. Also kinda inspired by @heartfullofleeches oc: V, love their yan ocs

The bright glow of your computer screen filled your room as you tuned into livestream. He was a perfect personification of his name, bright, charismatic, charming, always seemed to know how to make you laugh, and without knowing made your gloomiest of days feel like the sun was shining on them. You’d been a dedicated fan of Helios since the start of his career, reveling in his entertaining antics and infectious personality. But tonight’s stream promised something different, something bound to excite YOU.

“Hey, everyone! Tonight, we’re doing something really special and something you've all been waiting for!” Helios announced, his voice full of excitement.The stream started with him not in his usual room with the bookcase full of random trinkets and a lamp shining an assortment of colors across the ceiling. The chat erupted with cheers and emojis. Little did you know, the surprise was far more personal than you could imagine.

You watched intently as Helios teased a new addition, a puppy cam. He had often talked about wanting to adopt a shy, skittish, chubby dog, he often saw when he ran in his local park,(the same park you would watch him and take pictures of him running around) and the cameras goal was to share it's cuteness with chat and captured its playful antics. As the chat overflowed with excitement to see the puppy, your heart raced not just for the new photos that will grace your album, but also for the man on the screen.

As the stream continued in this strange room like basement, something shifted. Helios's playful demeanor began to fade, replaced by an intensity that sent a familiar thrill through you. There was an edge to his voice that hinted at something darker and lustful lurking beneath the surface.

Suddenly, the screen of your monitor flickered and as you stood up slightly the plush of you stomach pushing onto the table to see the issue. You felt a sharp pain in your neck then arm wrapped around your waist and another under your knees.

When you woke up, you found yourself in a cozy, dimly lit room that mimicked your aesthetic of your room but with more, more colorful lights and the softest blankets, more plushies and knickknacks then you remember owning. The faint sounds of Helios’s voiced echoed through the walls. Confusion washed over you as you took in your surroundings.

Pictures of you taking photos of Helios, pictures of every meet and greet you've been to, snapshots of your online interactions with him, every depraved comment and the more romantic ones too, even photos of you watching his stream, you in your actual room looking at your monitor.

Before you could fully process what was happening, Helios entered the room, his expression a mixture of glee and nervousness. “You’re awake! I’m so glad you’re here!” His eyes sparkled with an intensity that made your heart begin an familiar race.“That nasty drug didn't do any harm your sweet body, right?.”

“What… what’s going on?” you asked, still trying to piece together the reality of your situation. The reality that he's in front of you and you don't have your camera to capture his prettiness.

He grinned, stepping closer. “I couldn’t let you go on just being a fan, my love. You deserve so much more! We’re going to have our own very special streams together, just you and me.”

A shiver ran down your spine, but instead of fear, a thrill pulsed through you. Deep down, you realized that your dreams were becoming true, he noticed you. Excitement plused through your veins, excitement to be with him, excitement to be more than just a viewer in his life.

“Don’t worry! I’ve already set up the puppy cam for you. The chat now can worship you like you deserve to be. They were really eager to see how cute you are and the sounds you make.” he said, beaming a seductive tone taking over in his voice. “I want everyone to see how much fun I'm going to have with you!”

You couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm and the slightly suggestive words leaving his mouth. The thought of being apart of his world, of being adored so completely by him, sent a rush of warmth through you. “I....I-uh wouldn't mind,” you admitted, surprising even yourself.

His eyes widened in delight. “Really? You mean it? This is going to be amazing!” He pulled you into a tight embrace squeezing your softness, and for a moment, you felt safe, cherished and wanted.

As the streams continued with the new addition of you being introduced, you soon embraced your new reality with open arms. The puppy cam captured everything your laughter, your playful banter, how Helios would fuck you till you broke, and the way he would treat you like you were the only person in the world after, carefully putting you back together.

His obsession became a twisted but intoxicating fantasy. The chat continued to cheer for “the cutest couple on Divine,” completely aware to the true nature of your relationship. Happy to have you, see you, and here you, even in it's small percentage to how Helios does. You enjoyed the thrill of being his captive while relishing the affection that came with it.

[lxinesux]

aaaaa ily 2!!! btw ive been lurking thru ur blog and jus sayin:

there is a non zero chance that florence and andrew ARENT fuckin. youve convinced me NAVFNSBRKSBDKB

(also you may appreciate this article lol: https://www.cnn.com/2024/10/06/entertainment/andrew-garfield-florence-pugh-love-scene/index.html)

- starry

YOURE TELLING ME THAT WAS A REAL THING THT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IM GONNA GO STICK MY HEAD IN AN OVEN GOD I HATE THEM SM /j

IM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE SEES THE VISION!!! ik andrew be lookin at everyone with heart eyes but there are sm moments tht feel like early TASM interviews with em and andrew where hes very obviously /FLIRTING/ flirting!!! and theyre SOOO touchy feely with each other!!! more so than with any of their previous interviews/cast mates. and flo just keeps looking at him like…just with so much intention like she wants to REALLY listen.

GOD THEYRE DESTROYING MY LIFE

im gonna be parasocial for a min-but andrew has never really been single?? like yeah theres times where hes not /reportedly/ with anyone but hes kind of a hoe lets be real. hes always has a girl or is looking for a girl. i think he loves love and i think he REALLY hates being alone. his most recent relationship (which has allegedly ended after only 8 months what is close to when he last saw flo up to now) was one of his filler ones and now hes like ‘oh i get to be with my /real/ wife now :)’ and wanted the freedom to pursue flo w/o guilt. he was pretty shaken in his utboh interviews after his breakup with alyssa (and was obviously HIGH AF on the carpet) and i think its bc he didn’t have a back up plan. he (seemingly) got over tht tho bc he smashed tht girl from bridgerton (allegedly.)

i think she fancies him but doesn’t want to commit to a relationship (yet) bc of his lovesickness. but hes hot and hes smart and hes deep and he clearly respects her. shes gonna flirt back and toy with the idea. she just thinks with her brain (capricorn) whereas he thinks with his heart (leo). i think andrew needs someone like that who can keep him grounded while i think flo needs someone who she can be her true self around and have fun with!? the babys and babes are killing me!! im fully aware thts a british thing but good theyre so GOOD together and seem SO COMFORTABLE TOGETHER!! if their friendship is 100% PR and they dont ever hang out again publicly ill be surprised (and slightly devastated lol)

florence is allegedly in a relationship at the moment but tht has never stopped mr garfield from tryna slide in and an age gap has never stopped ms pugh from getting slid into /if u know what im sayin *wink wonk*

i also dont think we’d ever really have confirmation if this relationship happened either unless she popped out with a ring or maybe even a baby. /a baby, not a bump. im convinced they would never announce a pregnancy let alone let the general public see their kid’s face if they were ever to have one. but damn. can u imagine??

im v selfishly hoping for them lol.

im aware that these are the ramblings of a maladaptive freak whose shipping irl ppl but like

//lol watch them both wind up with different ppl by the end of the year and im over here looking stupid like a gaylor truther

[en-hale-archives]

I have a very unhealthy obsession with heeseung he’s literally on my mind 24/7 I have hard thoughts about him all the time I even get distracted at work I have no idea how to stop feeling this way about him even when I try to stop I just can’t 😓 any suggestions on how to fix this?

Oh wow, you've got it bad.

Don't worry though, cause this was my EXACT same problem a little less than a year ago after I wrote my fanfic for Jake. I spent so much time researching who he was, watching videos to be able to visualize his off-screen personality, including his relationships with the members, his staff, and engenes. I imagined how close he was to his family and his dog, even though we no little to nothing about them.

And I realized I was literally falling for Jake, which scared the fuck out of me because it felt wrong to develop feelings for someone you don't know, but I had spent so much time writing about him that I was constantly enraptured with the thoughts and image of him.

I knew that wasn't a healthy feeling at all, so I spent a few weeks away from Tumblr and Enhypen, more specifically Jake, and after a few weeks, I was able to come to my senses.

What helped me to get over him pretty quick was just the realization that Jake has no idea that I exist, nor would he ever unless some movie moment somewhat happens which is very much so like a 0.000001% seeing as he; one, lives in Korea and I don't, two, is an idol, three, is an idol who can't even date due to his company's rules, four, we live two completely different lives, and the inevitable five, again, he has no idea I exist. And these are only the broader factors, there are also a hundred more that play a role in why it just would never happen. So once I was able to wrap my head around the fact that Jake was to just be a part of my imagination and someone that I could idolize/fantasize about but never pass that boundary, I was about to enter into a healthy state of mind.

I did research on this phenomenon and it's known as a parasocial relationship/interaction. It's when you form a one-sided relationship with a person on screen or on television to the point that you feel like you know them like they are your best friend (or significant other). It's different when talking about characters in a movie, but in terms of celebrities -- k-pop in general -- it's a lot different. We get to see the lives of these idols. They do v-lives where they sit and talk to us and we feel like we're there with them. They have content coming out of their asses at least twice a week, if not more, so in terms of k-pop outside of western celebrities, our parasocial relationship with them feels 10 times stronger cause we see them on a day-to-day basis in which we don't see with -- say, Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendez, or Harry Styles. We only see them when it's necessary, and maybe some social media shit, but that's it.

It's not necessarily considered "unhealthy" to have a parasocial relationship, especially if it brings you joy, relaxation, takes away that stress, burden, depression, whatever else you're feeling, and gives you something you're missing in real life, but for me, the thought of it made me cringe (lol) and I wasn't feeling relaxed, I was stress that I had taken the liking to a real person, and started considering that enjoying k-pop was becoming too much if this was the outcome.

So once I realized I didn't want to become a crazy person, a few weeks later, I was "over" him lol. and now my bias is Jay, so in the end, what was the fucking point..?

Having bias and whatnot isn't bad, nor is my decision to continue to write stories for these people that I have a liking to (a healthy liking). Realizing this puts me in a comfortable position where I'm not stressing over them. I love their music, I love their personalities, and I love being an engene. That's it. And while -- yes -- I do write smut where I'm constantly thinking of the hyungs in a sexual way, I've adapted to only considering that part of them as fantasy and nothing more.

lol, I just wrote a whole ass book but in conclusion, the best way to get "over" an idol is to just spend some time away from anything associated with them (or at least, that's what worked for me). If it gets to the point in which you think nothing can help, I'm not in the position to tell you to get some help, but probably get some help.

[hella1975]

me asking for relationship advice:

hella ! good day , how do u break up with someone ( they're a good friend and I'm p sure they won't like ??? start hating me n shit and the reason is just that I feel we work better as friends) HOWEEVR THIS IS MY FIRST RELATIONSHIP AND IT LASTED REALLY LONG (10 MONTHS) AND IDK HOW TO BREAK UP.

also !!! you do not have to answer this, I just kinda see u as a big sister figure ( yes yes parasocial relationship etc etc whatever) and I don't really have a big sister figure irl so here I am,, at 2 am wrktkng into ur little ask box <3 anyways!!! i will figure this out for real and I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable or was too much!!!!! have a good day <33 meow

omg hi! i absolutely don't mind this at all and i actually find it really sweet. im v good at setting my own boundaries but thank you for being careful anyway <3

oof i was actually in this exact same situation a couple years ago. i was really good friends with this one boy, and then when he asked me out i kind of was like 'yeah why not' and it wound up being an 8 month relationship where i knew from DAY ONE that actually i didn't like him like that. i wasn't leading him on per say because that's a shit thing to do, i was just young and hadn't quite figured out the difference between platonic and romantic feelings until i was already dating the guy lmfaoooo. we were incredibly close friends though and i was so scared of losing that that i just didn't say anything, and that's how it wound up going on so long.

so from personal experience, i think dragging it on when you know you want to break up with them doesn't actually benefit either of you. it's scary thinking you might lose them completely, and change isn't very appealing after so long knowing one thing, but at the end of the day, if you truly care about each other in any capacity, then you'll overcome it, and if they genuinely hate you for it, then maybe they weren't someone you want in your life after all. i know for me, when i broke up with that guy, he didn't speak to me for a while and he was very upset, but then we became friends again, and we were closer for it. it was also a VERY funny joke from then on because we were best mates and also exes and the comedic potential of that is god tier.

just don't do anything inadvertently mean for the sake of ease, like breaking up over text! i know a face-to-face conversation like this is hard and UNBELIEVABLY awkward, and there really is nothing you can do to avoid that, but you want to try and leave as little bad blood as possible if you want to stay friends after :)

[jageunyeoujari]

‘idea’ & self-knowledge as love as freedom

w thanks to @radiatingdyke​​ & henrik !!

so in a previous post, i talked abt spectacle & respect in criminal for context. now starting off w henrik’s thoughts re: plato:

"It’s honestly pretty ambiguous what Plato means by it- at least in the republic- The core theory is that ideal forms are a truer kind of reality than the shadows. The philosopher escapes a cave of shadows projected on the wall by a ruling class, the only “reality” they ever knew and were literally bound to. They crawl through a treacherous passage to find themselves face to face with the dazzling light of the sun which blinds them temporarily, and as their eyes adjust they find themselves in a forest and realize the shadow puppet of “tree” was not the real tree all along! For what the shadows are: Idk how developed popular media/conventional politics were at the time but we (America) based a lot of our shit on it so I think one strong possibility is we find ourselves in a modern allegory of the cave where the shadows dancing on the wall are the world as it’s told to us- through news education and policy and the “real” is personal experience and genuine community. Then shadows would then be actual reality as we know it, including the real trees and personal experience, a veil placed over us by metaphysical forces which can be lifted through Godwork to reveal the true nature of the inner workings of the universe. The last part of the allegory is that the philosopher returns to the cave to free the other prisoners and spread the light”

so while criminal is the revelation in the toxic cycle of the idol culture & mutual destruction & obsession are confused for love, idea is making the decision to learn what true love & connection is, leaving behind the suffocating expectations demanded by the industry, & in the process, become complete in his humanity.

so we first see taemin in jail, condemning himself for his role in the toxic parasocial relations of idol culture, and literally... calling himself out.... altho i would say that this:

in criminal is purgatory proper, the jail may be the end point of his journey there. he confesses his sins, his soul gets purified, & then next we see him in the bar which is confirmed to be heaven (which happens to look much like lee soo man's office) while the flashy models stare at taemin, the walking dead, the posh people in suits (likely executives) ignore him. 

so here we have taemin trying to fit in seemlessly in this world of the elites who have the highest level of control in the idol industry. here, he is assured his status as the best & now guaranteed to be free of pain... but on their terms. there is shallow comfort but nothing else. the others content w playing games & eating delicacies, surrounded by alcohol, but are contained to sitting, indulging in frivolities, & passively looking on but no chance of connection. the bar is just another form of intoxication, but unlike criminal where there is at least an illusion of attaining love, heaven is merely stagnant. this idealized heaven of the elites cannot give true freedom as it is based on sterility & exclusivity, just another form of social control. "the dangerous dream that swallowed me is proven by you." staying here would be another form of self-betrayal & denial of the love he seeks so he rebels against heaven through his dancing, an affirmation of his life.

taemin then being shocked that all these shadow versions of himself are not the truth... silvery dissolving forms... his identity fragmenting............ but still taemin still can't break away from the illusion that the adoration & fame he receives as an idol could be actually hurting him.

as @radiatingdyke has talked about, BoA's 'killing me' line is reminiscent of korean shamans channeling gods. significant that it is BoA who he channels as they are both similar, debuting at a very young age & have been massive stars ever since then. "you are my messiah" BoA cuts him off, speaking the truth. this isn't who he rly is or what he actually wants. he must face himself & the truth or he will die. 

the mirror steps are i think symbolic of plato's ladder of love. to my understanding, the ladder of love is basically about how the aim of life is the ascension of the soul to heaven. the gods can do this as a god's soul is in perfect balance w all the different aspects of itself which makes them necessarily wise & good. humans' souls are in disarray, however, & it is this conflict between all parts of the soul which makes it difficult for us to follow the gods to heaven. to do this, people have to understand the true Form of beauty, by climbing the ladder of love. the steps start from loving a body which one is attracted to due to physical beauty & by understanding the beauty of this body, one can then consider how the beauty of one body is found in all bodies. the progression goes on from loving more broadly until we come to the last step, love of knowledge & wisdom. now one is able to see the actual form of Beauty, bringing harmony to your soul. so in order to taemin to finally know peace within himself, he has to know how to love.

& the progression of the ladder implies for me that by first learning to care for others but understanding who they are in their completeness & beauty, you eventually are able to learn to care for yourself & see the beauty in your own soul. & on the flip side, the better able you care for yourself, the more you are able to care for others. i'll discuss this more when i go into my thoughts on act 2 as a whole but basically, the rest of act 2 has a truly warm & loving atmosphere when taemin speaks to the other. in comparison, act 1 presents his experience of 'love' as enmeshment, painful, confusing, losing his self of sense to cater to the desires of the other. there are feelings of obligation to stay in this destructive relationship bc that’s his prescribed role & anyway, any attention is better than none at all. 

ppl w a poor sense of self can readily suffer mistreatment for the sake of a semblance of connection, confusing obsession for love when what’s rly happening is actually cathexis, an investment of emotions. while care & affection can exist w cathexis, as does happen in fans’ relations w idols, this is not the same thing as love which liberates & cultivates growth in yourself & the other. fans’ obsession w idols quickly flipping to hate when idols stray from the designated persona of perfection is investment in that image but is not real love. in act 1, he does not understand the other clearly for what it is, destruction that must end, & the fact that he is suffering. without such awareness, he is incapable of truly giving & receiving love. 

& while act 2 does have similar themes of taking on other's pain, it becomes a stark contrast to act 1 bc he does so from a place of utter assurance of his identity & true self-love, not from the fear of being left alone. he loves himself for who he is so he is able to love for ourselves purely as well.

& as @radiatingdyke has said (& in much more detail than i can) the ladder reflecting the sky can also be a reference to indigenous korean beliefs where the sky represents the entire universe. the creator god is Hanulnim, literally sky god.  

 also, even tho NGDA as a whole is replete w western imagery & references & v catholic, the overarching narrative of the 2 albums don't feel western to me in that there never is a fight between good & evil. a typical western narrative would be more like there would the defeat of like 'criminal' taemin by 'good' taemin or an obvious redemption arc. & to me, idea doesn't read so much as he confronts & then accepts both the good & the bad in him but that he leaves behind these limited concepts altogether & instead connects back to the true essence of the universe & becomes free to be utterly himself.

he’s struggled so much over the course of his career w figuring out how to reconcile the duality of himself, what it means to be authentic as an idol, wishing for his true self to be seen & appreciated. it’s always been looking outward for that validation but skirting away from revealing the whole truth of himself... & idea is the final answer to all that. no more denial, repression, burning away of the past, configuration to other ppl’s desires, no more use of mystery as a defense against the fear of being rejected if people see him for who he really is. he accepts himself for who he is & that’s all that matters.

in classic gaytholic taem fashion, he compares himself to jesus + mary + other divinity in NGDA imagery but ultimately, taemin is done w being both a god & the condemned. “i’ve finally opened my eyes.” he’s never been anything but a human being & he’s showing us all the beauty in that.

[kewltie]

Day 3

good morning good afternoon to all anxious americans out there from another anxious american!!

i spent most of my day at work and then the rest of the evening and v v late last night following the election results. my anxiety was through the roof that i barely got enough sleep last me, but im cautiously hopeful and think we can get through this!!

with that being said i tend to get i get v v v emotionally invested in things/people. like whenever i enter a fandom i tend to fall deeply obsessively in love w certain fictional char and sometimes those chars end up doing terrible, horrible things, (*cough* anakin skywalker LOOK I GREW UP ON THE PREQUEL i didnt even know vader was anakin until like ep 2 attack of the clones and by then i was into deep okkkk). i just take a step back and acknowledge their crimes/sins but they’re fictional char in a fictional setting so me continue liking them doesn’t actually have any IRL affect (you can like villainous char w/o having to endorse/justify whatever they did). BUT then when the *char* you like is actually a real life person like a celeb, a content creator, a kpop idol etc whatever do they do or say actually have does have real world implication. you can’t just brush whatever shitty racist or sexist things they say or do bc THEY’RE REAL LIFE PPL. 

i think this is something important to acknowledge when you stan IRL ppl bc the parasocial relationship b/t a celeb/idol/content creator w their fans and their power they wield over the same fans are wildly disproportionate. when i was in kpop fandom i was emotionally wrought when donghae went to the army and i cried at kcon concert when i saw him the last time in person. even the slightest thing he does me make me so happy and he dont even know it!!! the power dynamic is all skewed toward him so if he does something that disappoint me i feel absolutely crushed and hurt as though the personally attacked me bc i cant just brush it off when his actions and words carried weight here in the real world. 

that’s something i consider in social media au bc stanning heroes are like stanning idols/celebs in a way bc they’re real people to these fans so whatever say or do can have such overwhelming affect on the fans and world these people inhabit. that kind of parasocial relationship is something im deeply fascinated and want to portrayed accurately in this fic. so the overdramatic reactions of the fans when bkdk does something the fans dont think it line up w the image of who zero or deku they have in their head (i.e. zero being an ultra straight pinnacle of masculinity and is actually dating another man??? or deku have been hiding a secret relationship all this time ). some fans would feel betrayed, hurt, or try to remain strong in their support even though bkdk dont owe them anything. fans like to think they know the people they stan pretty well reading interviews, combing through their heroes past, watching them on tv, etc but do we really KNOW THEM AT ALL?? how much is just public persona, a pr work vs who the heroes are in private?? it’s something to consider as the days roll out in this ‘verse and bkdk’s silence against all their rumors around them is oppressive and scary but when they finally speak up, everyone will listen. though if their fans will support them through it is another question. 

[theinfinitesilver]

thoughts on the v/inny situation

there’s a lot to unpack in all of this, and i’m probably not qualified to properly unpack it. that said, my two cents. this turned into a complete ramble because i’m exhausted, i have literally lost sleep over this situation. which is stupid, i know, but i’ve lost sleep over much stupider things-- that comes with the whole anxiety disorder thing. the bottom line is that everyone here deserved better. vin deserved better, the victims deserved better. that’s it.

if anything i say in here is offensive or triggering, i apologize. this is a difficult subject and one that i do not have much experience speaking on.

first, some facts.

a person, or group of people, produced a document containing a collection of allegations from several women. the document included “evidence” that has, in places, been apparently doctored or falsified altogether. one person involved has come forward saying that parts of their story were included out of context and without their consent.

the statement that vin just made a short time ago did not outright confirm or deny anything, which i think was probably intentional. he says that he has done nothing wrong, that the document “misrepresents” him, and that he has contacted a lawyer.

he sounds terrible. i’m sure he feels terrible. i feel terrible. as many people have said, there is no way for this to end well - either this man that has brought so much joy to many people has done some shady things, or future REAL allegations against content creators (and anyone really) will be brushed off more easily as false.

unfortunately i feel that the lack of outright denial in his statement means that at least some of the things stated to happen in that document really happened, albeit possibly in a less-exaggerated form.

but people... there was nothing illegal or criminal in the allegations. all parties involved were of legal age and consenting. is it a jerk move to, as the author(s) of this document imply he was doing, sleep with one’s fans and then toss them aside, use them? sure, that’s not very nice. but it’s not illegal. these people could potentially ruin this man’s entire career because, what, they only got to sleep with him once and that was it? 

i’ve been there. i almost fell into the trap of a man who, towards the end of the time i knew him, i began to feel was actually out to do these things--sleeping with a fan, ghosting them afterwards and then speaking poorly of them to the next fan he slept with. i have seen that. i have seen a man put on a mask, and that’s what was behind it. i’m not defending this behavior.

but in the end, there’s not a lot to be done about it. why ruin the career of a man who has brought so much laughter to so many people? why take away that laughter from those people? over the fact that you don’t like something that he did in his private life? 

there’s been a lot of talk in relevant circles about “parasocial relationships” and how fans don’t really know the people they look up to. this is true, i’m not doubting it. again, i’ve seen the mask that people can put on. but if there’s no real crime, maybe private life should just be kept private. it’s not anyone else’s business.

i believe and wholeheartedly support victims of actual sexual assault. that is not what this was. this was a series of mistakes made by all involved parties, that has been used in a malicious defamation campaign. i hope everyone involved can move past this, find resolution, and live out happy lives having learned lessons.

i think that’s all i’ve got. i’m so tired.

[troglobite]

me when someone famous comes out as trans masc: oh awesome i’m v happy for him/them, that’s great. hell yeah, visibility, strength, living for themself/himself, we love it!

me when someone starts coming out as a wlw: LAKJDFLAJSDFL AWGAEGKJASDLGKJHAER;GHUAEKJGH A;KERHG.AKERJHGL IAEWHG;KAEWHGLAJEHG. KJDLKJGH ALKE HALEIUFH AEFH ;kweuh aklejhg.akjgk

anyway in conclusion i think my gender is “would like to be desired by wlw, bc holy shit do i love them”

like i am v much genderqueer, i am not A Wimmen. a Womun. A womenaiba. etc.

not Woman.

but i am also DECIDEDLY NOT TRANS MASC like. //shrug. nope. 

i’m just floating in the ethereal sludge of gender like ‘idfk, man, but do women/wlw of all kinds possibly desire me? yes? then FUCK yeah i’m good’

like for real that’s all i want is a woman of Whatever Flavor to be like ‘yes you’ and me be like [me?.gif]

and then i love and cherish and “worship” them in a healthy way and not in a like, pedestal/unbalanced way

and they see me for who i am without essentializing my gender

like yeah yep please that’s what i want

i want a wife idc

i WILL say this: as such i’m not Super Attracted to masculinity in and of itself

i think there are A LOT of things that are “masculine” that i’m aesthetically attracted to and LOVE, but masculinity itself i’m like :/ nah 

in terms of attraction

so to clarify i’m also not super into EXTREMELY butch or otherwise “masculine” (in quotes for a reason) women, but uh. not as a blanket statement. i think there’s a sliding scale there with more specifics, and i think the specifics are where my tastes/preferences lie

in general though?

//gestures at all women

Yes Please.

//gestures at “feminine” nonbinary people

Yes Please.

like. yeah. yep. 

am i a genderqueer lesbian? i think so? sort of? 

i think only certain people can say/acknowledge that though bc otherwise i’m like ‘ew no see i’m not a woman i just crave the affection of queer women bc i love them so much’

ANYWAY

in other news gabi papadakis was posting on her ig story abt how she’s ALMOST CERTAINLY NOT EVEN REMOTELY STRAIGHT AND I SCREAMED AND CHEERED AND WAS SO THRILLED

and it’s like lol okay let’s cool it a little bit, let’s maybe not get sucked into parasocial “relationships” or whatever and maybe cool it

but also i have a huge fat fucking crush on her and i love her (as i know her as a fan, from this distance lol) to bits and pieces and she’s AMAZING

so i got VERY excited

that is all. lol