#my problem isn’t with the fact that ants exist
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Beat. Flutter. Pulse. Drip. Repeat.
Afib, wristwatches, and the slow, steady torture of knowing what you’d rather not
When I was a kid, back on Parsells Avenue, we used to swap stories about the worst tortures imaginable. The enemy, some faceless, catch-all bogeyman, would catch us — and then what? Somebody would suggest thumbscrews. Somebody else would up the ante with bamboo slivers under fingernails. But inevitably, someone would solemnly declare: "I'd rather have that than the Chinese Water Torture." And we’d all nod, pretending we knew the full horror of it, though mostly we just liked how strange it sounded.
The Chinese Water Torture, as we understood it, wasn’t bloody or loud. It was a man strapped down, unable to move, while single drops of water fell on his forehead at maddening intervals. The cruelty wasn’t in the water itself, but in the waiting. Drip after drip, until the mind, in all its restless glory, betrayed itself. Until the victim confessed — not to a crime, but to the sheer unbearable weight of time.
Turns out, we weren’t too far off. The practice existed, or at least a version of it did, thanks to a 16th-century Italian named Hippolytus de Marsiliis. The “Chinese” part was pure branding nonsense. But facts didn’t matter on Parsells Avenue. The point was the image: slow, methodical torture that didn’t break your bones but unraveled your sanity, one drop at a time.
I didn’t know it then, but that childhood bogeyman had circled my name on his dance card.
Now it’s not water. Not ropes. Not sinister instruments. This time, it’s my Apple Watch.
A few weeks ago, during the soft fog of a colonoscopy recovery room, a nurse casually mentioned I’d had an atrial fibrillation. Afib. A flutter in the heart. I thought it sounded rather poetic. Romantic, even. I filed it away as an odd little footnote.
About a week later, during a routine visit to my regular doctor, that footnote surfaced. The appointment was nearly over. We were already in wrap-up mode. And then, almost as an afterthought, I said, “Oh, by the way, during my colonoscopy recovery, they said something about afib.”
That stopped the show. My doctor’s demeanor shifted immediately. Whatever comes after “routine” vanished. He motioned to his assistant, who began taping wires to my chest and pressing buttons like we were prepping for launch. No small talk. No let’s-keep-an-eye-on-it. Full engagement.
A few minutes later, the doctor returned, studied the readouts, and gave me the verdict. “Yup. You have afib.”
Then he laid it out, plain and simple. Afib increases the odds of a blood clot forming in the heart, breaking free, and drifting up the carotid artery straight to the brain. That’s how you get what we call a stroke. No drama. Just plumbing. A clot going where it shouldn’t. A small thing causing big problems.
That was the record scratch moment. The shift from curiosity to consequence.
But like all moments of reckoning, it didn’t hit all at once. I left the office, went about my business, pretending I hadn’t heard what I’d heard. Gave it a good 24 hours to marinate — plenty of time for my brain to start stacking up its own little fortresses of denial. And then, quietly, efficiently, Lynn intervened.
Lynn, calm and capable purveyor of cause and consequence, configured my watch to detect fibrillations, the same way she might recalibrate a misbehaving appliance. Not dramatic. Not emotional. Just business. An hour after she finished, the watch tapped me: You’ve just had another afib. A few hours after that, it tapped again. I held it up to Lynn with a wry little smile, a gesture that said, “See? It’s real. Isn’t this something?”
That was a week ago. Feels longer.
In that same stretch of days, her brother — my brother-in-law and my friend — Mark, came home from the hospital. Not for recovery. For hospice. The battle was over. His days of standing, walking, rallying had ended. Now, like Jim Bowie in his sickbed at the Alamo, Mark had taken his position: flat on his back, surrounded by family, facing what was coming with the quiet courage of a man who knows the score. No theatrics. No speeches. Just presence.
We shared our last words. Good ones. The kind you fold up and carry with you, long after.
And while still in Mark’s house, in the soft hum of hospice care, my wrist tapped again.
The timing was, as usual, oblivious. My watch doesn’t care about human moments. Algorithms don’t bow their heads. It tapped me gently, a digital monk ringing its little bell: Remember, you are mortal too.
Since then, the taps have kept coming. Four, five times a day. Like a leaky faucet you can’t quite fix. What started as a novelty has become my own personal water torture. Each pulse is a drip. Each alert a whisper. Mortality, mortality, mortality.
But we’re not just sitting here letting it happen. We’ve been busy. Lynn and I dove into research. Pharmaceutical solutions, of course, came first — but every pill seemed to come with a suitcase full of side effects, some worse than the thing we were trying to fix. Then we learned about ablation — a more direct, surgical approach that seemed, at least conceptually, like it might solve the problem at its source.
We reached out to two separate cardiologists. One to give us a deeper diagnostic look, the other for potential remedial action. Appointments are set. The first is still two weeks away. The second? More than a month.
That’s a lot of drips between now and then.
And yet, there’s that old, childish urge: Just turn the damn thing off. Out of sight, out of mind. What you don’t know can’t hurt you, right?
Othello tried that trick. He wanted to know, but only if the truth could stay polite. “Give thy worst of thoughts the worst of words.” But knowing isn’t polite. It kicks the furniture over. Disabling the watch wouldn’t change my heart’s rhythm. It would only silence the messenger. The water would still fall. I just wouldn’t see the drops.
I can hear the Parsells Avenue crew now, weighing in with their particular brand of wisdom. One of us would suggest: “Turn the thing off. Problem solved.” Another would snort, “Yeah, genius, until your heart actually quits. Then what? You’ll wish you had that little tap back then.” There’d be a pause, a smirk, then someone would drop the old reliable: “I’d still rather have that than Chinese Water Torture.” And we’d all laugh. Because back then, even as kids, we understood that the real enemy wasn’t the drip. It was the waiting. The knowing.
So here I am. My watch taps. My heart flutters. My mind ticks.
And so I wait.
Drip.
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TW: Internalized ableism, metions of SH and passive suicidal ideation
Is it bad that i immediately felt just bad about my only real option being CBT therapy. I know it has like studies or whatever but it just cements the fact that my problems aren’t real and i need to suffer more yo be deserving of help. I hate this limbo, I feel like nobody believes me I just need to know it’s real, please, what did i do to deserve this? To forever be a burden on my family and friends, I might not be able to drive, will I be able to work? To go to college? I can’t imagine my life without the ants, but i feel like im expected to just get over it in a few years, watching my dads plans for the future shift from thinking I’ll be fine by graduation to getting ready to have to support me financially and psychically for the rest of his life kills something in me. I never wanted this it feels pointless, I just wish something would happen that would prove im disabled it should hurt more, my body deserves to hurt more because of what it’s done to me. I want to hurt MORE just to know that it’s real, that im not faking it, that i actually deserve help. I feel like im too disabled to be able to function without aid but not disabled enough to deserve accommodation. Im tired, I never wanted this, my only option is CBT therapy. I dont know why that fact makes me feel disgusting but it does im so tired I just need to prove that im actually like this and im not just asking for attention. If i could rot in a cave every time the ants bite and the rapid involuntary movements start I WOULD I don’t want anyone to see me. I wish the ants would just kill me already, but they won’t, because for some fucked up reason this can just happen and i’ll be forced to live with it. I’ve been in a perpetual state of nausea for at least 2 weeks and it’s getting harder to be able to eat, I keep getting random stabbing pains in my arms and legs and it sometimes takes 10 fucking minutes to be able to take a piss. The pain they give me can be so bad but it’s been months so was it even real? Am i just dramatic? I don’t have a firm grasp on the world moving around me anymore, I want them out. I need them out. I can’t live like this i swear even if i have to gut myself to find their nest I will. But I don’t, so isn’t that proof that I deserve it.
Im failing my classes im going to get my dad fired and the ants are mad at me for remembering they exist. I WANT A BREAK
isnt my blog so fun guys :3
#i have ants in my brain#disability#disabled#im so tired#vent#disabled struggles#not a metaphor#vent blog#tw internalized ableism#invisible disability#tw passive suicidality#i think i need a hug#am i dying or do i need sleep
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Blog 6: Finding My Voice as a Nature Interpreter- The Wrap Up
There’s something magical about the bond we share with the natural world. Just today, I brought home a puppy, and within hours, it felt as though he had always been part of my life. My mom, initially hesitant about the idea, looked at him and said, “It feels like he’s known us forever.” This immediate connection reminded me of how deeply intertwined humans are with nature and its inhabitants. As environmental interpreters, we have the responsibility to awaken this sense of connection in others, nurturing a lifelong appreciation for the world we live in.

This connection aligns with Richard Louv’s reflections in Last Child in the Woods. Louv describes how his childhood adventures in nature calmed him, focused him, and excited his senses. He calls the woods his “Ritalin,” illustrating how nature has the power to heal and center us. Today, as interpreters, we face the challenge of reconnecting people with these experiences, especially in a world increasingly dominated by technology. From my puppy’s instant bond with my family to the awe of discovering wildlife in a forest, these experiences remind us that nature is not separate from us, it is a part of us.
The textbook Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage for a Better World emphasizes storytelling as the cornerstone of effective interpretation. Facts alone rarely inspire action, but stories connect people emotionally to nature. For example, when teaching about the migration of monarch butterflies, it’s not enough to list facts about their journey. Instead, framing it as a heroic tale of perseverance and interdependence brings the story to life, sparking curiosity and compassion. Similarly, interpreters can share stories of their own experiences in nature to build a sense of shared wonder and connection with their audiences.
One example from the textbook that stood out to me was the story of a community revitalizing a polluted river. Instead of focusing solely on the science of cleanup, the interpretation centered on how people’s actions restored life to the ecosystem, from fish to plants to birds. These stories show that even small, localized efforts can create ripples of change, inspiring others to act.
This brings us to the responsibility of interpreters. Jacob Rodenburg likens the role of environmental educators to trying to stop a rushing river with a teaspoon. The challenges of climate change, habitat destruction, and biodiversity loss can feel overwhelming. However, as interpreters, our role isn’t to solve these problems single handedly but to empower others to take action. Rodenburg’s analogy reminds us that even small actions, like encouraging families to plant pollinator gardens or helping children identify birds, can create meaningful change.
One powerful idea from the textbook is the concept of “creating aha moments.” These are the moments when people feel a personal connection to nature, when facts transform into feelings, and curiosity blossoms into care. During a recent nature walk, I witnessed this firsthand. A group of children became captivated by an anthill, asking endless questions about how ants work together. Instead of lecturing, I encouraged their curiosity, letting their observations lead the conversation. Moments like these illustrate how interpreters can plant seeds of wonder that grow into lifelong stewardship.
To create these moments, interpreters must adapt their approaches to meet the diverse needs of their audiences. The textbook stresses the importance of tailoring interpretation to different cultural, social, and geographic contexts. For instance, in urban areas, where access to wild spaces may be limited, interpreters might focus on city wildlife like pigeons or street trees, showing how nature exists all around us. In contrast, rural audiences might connect more deeply with stories about local forests, farms, or waterways.
Hope is another essential element of interpretation. Richard Louv and David Suzuki emphasize the need to balance the urgency of environmental challenges with a sense of optimism. It’s easy to feel paralyzed by issues like melting glaciers, oceans of plastic, and endangered species. However, interpreters have the power to frame these challenges in ways that inspire action rather than despair. For instance, instead of focusing on the decline of pollinators, an interpreter might highlight success stories of communities planting pollinator gardens and witnessing the return of bees and butterflies. These hopeful narratives motivate people to believe that their efforts can make a difference.
Children, in particular, are central to the future of environmental stewardship. Louv points out that early experiences with nature shape a child’s relationship with the environment for life. Whether it’s introducing them to the song of a pileated woodpecker or teaching them to identify edible plants on a hike, these moments create a foundation of care and curiosity. As interpreters, we have a unique opportunity to spark this connection and foster the next generation of environmental advocates.
As this course wraps up, I find myself reflecting on the “so what” of environmental interpretation. What does it mean to be an interpreter in a world facing so many environmental crises? The textbook provides a compelling answer: interpretation is not just about conveying information; it’s about inspiring action. It’s about helping people see their place in the natural world and empowering them to protect it.
For me, this role is deeply personal. I’m motivated by a belief in the power of stories to connect people to nature. I’m inspired by the resilience of communities that come together to restore their environments, and I’m hopeful about the potential of children to become the stewards our planet so desperately needs. As interpreters, our job is to plant seeds of curiosity, wonder, and hope, trusting that they will grow into a more sustainable future.
The responsibility of an interpreter goes beyond simply teaching; it’s about fostering relationships between people and the environment. It’s about showing others that they are not separate from nature but deeply connected to it. Whether through a walk in the woods, a story about monarch butterflies, or a playful moment with a puppy, these connections remind us of the beauty and importance of the natural world. And in doing so, they inspire us to protect it, not just for ourselves, but for future generations!
Thank you for following along this journey with me :)
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┬─┬ ︵ /(.□. \)
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
I’m in one of those obnoxious af moods where I am annoying the literal bejeesus out of myself
I’m pretty sure it’s a fun combo of overstimulation from yesterday and a migraine today
I cannot get my brain to focus on literally anything and it is making want to climb up the fucking walls
I want to peel all of my skin off and then everything else until I am just existing and not existing at the same time
All I’ve been able to do is sleep today and I’m so fucking antsy because of it
Like I am tired of sleeping, sleeping is making me mad
Which is unfortunate because sleeping is exactly the kind of exist/don’t exist I could really go for right now
I practiced piano for like an hour, but the migraine brain fog was real and I couldn’t just lose myself in it
I am desperate for a flow state or a hyperfixation of some kind and nothing is working
And I want to start chewing on the furniture
I just want to not be so hyperaware of the fact my attention won’t just settle on something
I tried true crime, I tried reading, I tried napping, I tried piano, I tried Stardew Valley, I tried writing, I tried watching the last of Gravity Falls, I tried chitchatting, I tried scrolling
Fucking none of it is working
I want to crawl out of my own skin and leave it behind like a fucking exoskeleton or some shit (I am not a scientist)
Like it just about has me in the verge of fucking tears because it’s so goddamn frustrating
Lol yesterday I was on the verge of tears from overstimulation and now today I am having the opposite problem
Uuuuuuuugh
It feels like there’s fucking ants under my skin
I can feel my fucking teeth
why can I feel my fucking teeth
I can’t settle down
I’m too wiped out from the migraine to do anything physical like clean or something
I still need to eat dinner but literally nothing sounds good right now
Tbh my blood sugar is probably a little low which is just adding to the overall cranky
I want to pull all of my hair out
I want to scream at the top of my lungs until I can’t anymore
I want to walk into the woods and become one with the fucking dirt
I want to walk into the sea and let it carry me away
I want to float up into the sky and just cease to be sentient among the stars
NOT in a self harm or anything way, for the record
Just in a “can I please leave my body behind for a couple of hours until I actually want to be in it” kind of way
Instead I feel like a fucking tiger pacing back and forth along the walls of my stupid flesh and blood prison
Like if I could physically distance myself from myself, I would feel SO MUCH BETTER
Because I am the problem
And unfortunately I can’t just hide out in another room until being by myself doesn’t feel like being with other people anymore
I am so fucking cranky and I’m annoyed that I’m cranky because why can’t I just stop being cranky
My therapist would say something at this point like I have to feel my feelings and getting mad/frustrated about them isn’t helping and it’s okay to feel unmoored and shit like this
But then I would want to bite her lol
I feel fucking feral
Just focus on something
justfocusonsomething
just focus on something
just
focus
on
something
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
I am ready to download my brain into the fucking meta verse if it means I can just be “no thoughts, head empty” for a little bit
just a little bit
but ~noooooooooo~
So instead I’m just going to fucking sit here and wait until all these fucking bullshit feelings I don’t want to feel pass
And I’m going to keep trying to distract myself, at least until I can go to bed (*hisses at bed*) and hopefully wake up not wanting to fucking cry and scream and spider climb up and down the fucking walls and chew on the furniture and and and
uuuuUUUUUUuuuuuuGgggGggghhhhhh
but yeah, I should probably try eating something first
maybe it will magically fix me
#hismercy’s musings#just a personal rant#because being with myself right now#is like being with other people#and I am going fucking feral
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Hi! So, ever since I was really young I've always been fascinated by Egyptian Mythology, and really want to write a horror/drama adaptation of the first part of the "Death of Osiris" where it shows the circumstances leading up to Set killing his brother.
A central theme of the story is to show how human the gods are, despite the fact that the vast majority of them act completely indifferent and "superior" to humanity, seeing them as mere ants (the exception of course being Osiris).
I'm particularly worried about my depiction of Isis, as she's normally seen as a pillar of good but in this interpretation she is fairly morally grey, but that concern pales in comparison to my biggest problem.
I'm a half white, half SEA sheltered teen living in Canada who has never been to Egypt.
Do I scrap the story? I don't want to appropriate anything, and the last thing I want to do is take away opportunities for people who are actually connected to Egyptian Mythology to tell their stories! The story means a lot to me, but I don't want to continue something if there's a possibility that I might end up doing harm.
What do I do???
Death of Osiris adaption, Egyptian Mythology
You’re asking whether it’s okay for you to write a story based on Egyptian mythology when you are not yourself Egyptian. This is a rubber stamp question, which as stated in the WWC FAQ, we no longer accept. However, I want to take this opportunity to make a few points regarding ancient Egypt and Egyptian mythology in western media. This topic has also been covered on the blog before (check out the ancient Egypt tag).
Ancient Egypt is among the ancient civilizations that have inspired Western media the most, and there are countless stories and retellings based on ancient Egypt and Egyptian myth out there. The vast majority of those have been written by people with little to no connection to Egypt or even Africa as a whole, and they often represent ancient Egypt inaccurately. One prevalent issue is the whitewashing of ancient Egyptians, who tend to be portrayed as light-skinned, brown or even white, when in reality, all evidence points to the fact that the people indigenous to Egypt were Black (like everyone else in Africa).
There was certainly a great deal of mixing and cultural exchange going on with other civilizations around the Mediterranean, and some scholars believe it’s anachronistic to even describe ancient Egyptians according to modern racial categories, because there is no evidence that such categories existed or that skin color mattered that much in ancient Egyptian society. But the fact stands that if we were to try and fit ancient Egyptians into our definitions of race as we understand it in North America, they would undoubtedly be Black.
This isn’t only a matter of factual accuracy. The question of the race of ancient Egyptians featured prominently in white supremacist pseudo-scientific arguments that were used to justify slavery, colonialism and genocide. It would be irresponsible to write about ancient Egypt, even if it’s “only” fiction, without taking this history into account.
Here are a few things that writers who want to include ancient Egypt (or ancient Egyptian-coded fantasy cultures) in their stories can think about:
When you think of ancient Egypt, what do you picture? What are the base assumptions, imagery, general knowledge you’ve absorbed about ancient Egypt through your exposure to the ways this civilization is represented in media?
Now, question all of these. Where do they come from? Who came up with them? What actual historical facts are they based on? Chances are, a lot of it is inaccurate.
Start over. Read the work of Black academics on ancient Egypt. Educate yourself on the most recent research on this topic. Read fiction by authors who represent ancient Egypt and ancient Egyptian-coded societies without white-washing them. N. K. Jemisin’s The Killing Moon is a favorite of mine.
If you skip these steps, you are likely to reproduce the dominant media portrayals of ancient Egypt that already exist, and feed into the inaccuracies and erasure they perpetuate.
More reading:
Arab woman with Ancient Egyptian culture cursed to lose skin pigmentation
- Niki
Ask published Nov 2021
#Egypt#Ancient Egypt#Erasure#Africa#Antiblack erasure#Mythology#Egyptian mythology#book recommendations#asks
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ok i just watched ant-man and the wasp: quantumania and i have… thoughts. this is very long. it’s also an unnecessarily deep critique of a movie about people with superpowers but i love marvel so here i go. SPOILERS BELOW
jonathan majors is an ACTOR! okay?! please don’t forget it. like that’s a black kang right there (pun intended lmao). i always love him in everything i see him in, and this is no exception. he is by far the best thing about this movie. the problem is that, for me at least, his performance is like the only thing that saves this movie.
i honestly liked the movie all the way until the end. the ending really just made no sense to me.
one, M.O.D.O.K. aka darren cross. he has literally ALWAYS been a villain. even before he got to the quantum realm, he was yellowjacket. he literally tried to kill cassie in her bedroom. then he gets sent to the quantum realm and kang gives him new life as a killing machine. a killing machine who works FOR KANG. so, let’s go over what we know: darren was “evil” before he got to the quantum realm, and with kang’s help, he essentially became even more “evil”. so please tell me why the hell cassie saying the simple words “stop being a dick” would make him evolve into a nice person? that did not make sense AT ALL. this is literally his second time trying to kill cassie, and a cute lil pep talk made him change his ways? like that was so stupid imo.
two, i feel like they nerfed kang. real bad. i haven’t read the comics (yet! i’m getting to it) but just based off of the little i know from the comics and what the movie itself told me, i know he is too powerful to be beaten by ant-man and the wasp. like i’m sorry but… that didn’t really make sense to me. when he first came down from the tower, he immediately started wiping people from existence with the blue energy coming from his hands. so we know that he is capable of killing lots of people at the same time. why would that not also apply to the ants? instead of doing what he did before, which is killing people with his energy, all he did was create a force field? and then M.O.D.O.K. comes and delivers the final dagger that blew it up. which again, does not make sense.
that brings me to the rebellion. i touched on it already, but the fact that the rebels won didn’t make sense to me. kang himself said, and i’m paraphrasing, “do you know many rebellions i have put down?” he easily put down the quantum people rebelling. but the ants is what did him in. you telling me he put down probably hundreds of rebellions, and the ants is what gets him? now i understand that the ants were able to prosper because of the damage the quantum people did to the citadel before they got there. but still. i just don’t believe that kang the conqueror gets taken down by ants.
and the ant-man and wasp vs kang fight at the end. i know that his powers were no longer working bc his suit got busted by the ants and M.O.D.O.K. but, and maybe i just don’t have the correct interpretation of kang’s power, it seemed like he should’ve been able to take hope. even with her having the guns and him being defenseless. but my critique isn’t even that hope beat and killed him during that fight, my critique is that it should’ve never gotten to that point bc realistically kang would’ve been put the rebellion down and never had his suit and powers broken.
we know what kang is capable of. we see it when janet touched his mind/ship, we saw it with the way he fought throughout the movie (kinda), we know bc of the countless worlds he’s destroyed. we even know bc how severely he thwarted the plans of his variants. “they’re afraid of me,” is what kang said. now ofc he could just be saying that in unfounded confidence, but they literally exiled him, and were happy when they found out he was dead. janet even said the quantum realm is the only place that can hold him. that to me let’s me know there is truth in what kang said.
all in all, i understand why kang was killed. its to set the scene for the other kang variants in the mcu’s future. i’m excited to see what they have planned for all of the kangs. and i just really like jonathan majors so im happy to see he’s the next big villain in the mcu. but idk, i just wish they handled the kang variant in this movie differently.
i would rate this movie a 6.5/10. i liked the quantum people, especially jentorra and quaz. i thought the baskin n robbins probability was funny. and i’ll always love seeing scott get big. i liked seeing cassie get big too. and i really liked seeing loki and mobius!! honestly i’m always gonna be bias to marvel, even when they put out objectively mediocre movies lmao. but yeah. those are my thoughts. if you made it to the end you a real one. and if you feel like it tell me your thoughts too!! alright bye
#ant man and the wasp quantumania#ant man and the wasp quantumania spoilers#ant man#the wasp#marvel#mcu#scott lang#hope van dyne#janet van dyne#hank pym#cassie lang#kang the conqueror
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A Sea of Fragments V
Word Count: 2,635
Warnings: Swearing
Author’s Note: I don’t know how I went so long without updating! Honestly I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Things are starting to get dramatic, and I’m upping the ante a little bit. As a treat.
Scaramouche exited the dining tent as quickly as possible, storming off towards his tent with urgency. He hated eating around other people; the noise, the insipid conversation, the amount of imbeciles trying desperately to get in his good graces. It was agony, and the sooner he got away from it the better. Besides, he had something vastly more important to do this evening.
Entering his tent Scaramouche took some odd sense of pride from the fact he had beaten you to it. Sitting down in his chair he sighed, propping his head up with his hand and allowing his thoughts to drift for a moment. He had to admit that he was incredibly curious as to what he was going to witness today. He had already gotten a glimpse of your ability during your first meeting, but between the tense atmosphere and the barbed conversation he hadn’t been able to really focus on what exactly you were doing. Your terrible physical state at the time certainly hadn’t helped, as you had looked as if you were going to faint any moment. Scaramouche was glad there would be no fear of that this time.
What must it be like to look into the future? Scaramouche had to admit that he envied your ability slightly. Though you had seemed less than enthusiastic about it, Scaramouche couldn’t believe that you truly begrudged the ability to see into the future. If you did then you were surely a greater fool than he was already aware of. Even with your revelation that it was hardly an exact science as to which future would happen, even the slight ability to see what might come to pass would be an incredible asset to the Tsaritsa and her goal.
Besides, Scaramouche couldn’t truly bring himself to believe that your bedraggled state had been solely due to seeing into the future. How much energy could be expended by sitting into a chair and closing one’s eyes? In a world of war and battle and death the idea that something so still could be so taxing was absolutely ridiculous. No, there was no reason for him to worry, or for him not to begrudge you something that was so obvious a blessing from the Seven.
“Scaramouche?”
Your voiced pierced through the air, pulling the Harbinger slowly out of his thoughts. He hadn’t realized how engrossed he had been in his own musings, and the sudden pull back to reality cause irritation to once more surface within him. He quickly managed to push it down however, the reflexive annoyance replaced with an anticipation that couldn’t be completely hidden. Gesturing for you to sit in the chair across from him Scaramouche sat up straighter.
“Is there anything that must be done before we begin?” The Harbinger wasn’t used to such pleasantries, but this time he figured it was probably worth asking. Seeing you shake your head he nodded curtly. “Good. Then shall we begin?”
“If you insist,” you mumbled, voice lacking it usual sharpness. The nervous feeling that you emitted the first time he saw you in the forest appeared to have returned from out of thin air, and you shifted in your seat awkwardly.
“Is something wrong?”
“No! No, just, I just need to relax.”
“Take all the time you need.”
You shot him a look with very little behind it. Breathing in deeply you closed your eyes, letting your head tilt backwards slightly. Sitting back in his chair, just realizing that he’d been leaning forward this whole time, Scaramouche watched as your breath began to slow and you appeared to drift into some sort of trance.
Closing your eyes you willed your mind to emptiness. From the moment you had entered the Harbinger’s tent once more you’d been seized with anxiety. You never wanted to be in this position again, divining for others, taxing yourself over and over for goals and wishes not your own. Not to mention the identity of your current employer; Scaramouche’s Harbinger status aside relaxing in front of this man seemed nigh on impossible. Letting your eyes flit this way and that you didn’t even bother to try and look him in the face. Not when what you were about to do loomed over you.
Looking into the future was bad enough, doing it in front of Scaramouche was even worse. You tended to lose control of yourself while looking into the future. Falling out of furniture, mumbling things randomly, all those things were possible. And though the people in your village had gotten used to your half-trances you were sure that Scaramouche wouldn’t quite appreciate you accidentally faceplanting into the table or sliding onto the ground the way the people you had grown up in proximity to would.
Letting yourself sigh once more you allowed your conscious to fade, shoving aside all those problems to deal with it later. The present would always exist, but for now you had to cast your eyes upon the possible futures. The world darkened around you, turning into a sea of stars which fell down, down, down. Letting yourself tumble around you finally saw fragments begin to form in front of your eyes. Stretching out your hands you reached for the one that seemed to shine the clearest, reached for the best outcome that you could find. Always start with the clearest ones first, for the muddier the fragment, the worse the suffering, the more energy must be expended. It was information that had been extracted after years of trial and error, and now you let it guide you as you sought out what you needed to know.
You were standing in a deadly quiet room. Paper doors surrounded you, the moonlight filtering through them casting long shadows, making it look like you were trapped in an odd sort of prison. If so, it was a very cozy prison. All the hallmarks of domesticity were there; pillows thrown this way and that, books shoved into various nooks and crannies on a small shelf, a table which housed various small clay figures. There was a hallway to the right of you, and from it you could hear the faint sound of snoring. Taking a few steps forward you studied the small shelves hammered into the wall, trying to look for something that seemed to house a great deal of elemental energy. Letting your elemental sight guide you, you slowly turned around.
At the other end of the room was a small table. Upon it was a small red cushion, and upon the cushion was a mirror. The circular glass was surrounded by an emerald frame, dotted with small gems and cracked in certain spots. Though it might have appeared like an ordinary enough family heirloom you could tell that it was infused with power, a power so great it seemed to be leeching the rest of the energy around it, a black hole, warping the fragment around it. Taking a step back, afraid of it even in this imagined future, you felt the energy become even stronger, even more corrosive. Blinking slowly your eyes finally removed themselves from the scene.
Looking around at the other fragments around you, you tried for the next clear fragment. In it you found yourself wandering the streets of the village, right near the inn where you had been hiding out until recently. Although nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary initially you were soon pulled towards the rooftops. You could see a Fatui recruit, though which one you were hardly sure. Clad in black their face was a sharp contrast to the night around them, pale and twisted into a frown.
“Shit, shit, shit, shit. What am I going to tell Lord Scaramouche? Where is it? Where is the damn thing?!” Sighing the Fatui member climbed back down from the roof, something not very difficult as the building was a rather squat one. Running into the night you saw him look back once. The village was as silent as ever.
You pulled yourself back into the liminal space around you. Looking around at the various fragments scattered about you felt yourself frowning. How many there were! It would take ages to find such specific information as where the mirror was located. Letting yourself drift you closed your eyes. You would just have to pick one at random. Reaching out your hand you felt the cool shard of a fragment against your fingertips. Opening your eyes you let out a strangled sort of noise, faced with one of the darkest shards floating around you.
What you were transported too was absolute chaos, chaos and a crushing weight pressing upon you. You weren’t supposed to be seeing this, you really were supposed to be seeing this. Stumbling around you tried to focus on one thing. The noise, that was the best thing at the moment. Ignoring the flames that licked at the houses and ground around you, the fleeing people and the choking smoke, you tried to pick up on any piece of information.
“Did you manage to get it before it went up into flames?”
“Fuck, no I didn’t! Did you see that house? No one would fucking survive something like that!”
“I’m not sure if we’re going to even survive.”
“Fuck, no this isn’t how I wanted it to end. I didn’t even get a promotion.”
“You three! Stop dawdling and get out of here! We’ve already caused enough trouble.”
“The village is a goner anyways.”
“Glad it’s not, fuck, glad it’s not mine.”
The voices faded into the cacophony, quickly replaced with more unpleasant sounds.
“Mama!”
“Did you see my husband?”
“No, I have to get back in there!”
“Your books are a fucking goner.”
“Come on sweetie, you have to move. I know, it really hurts, doesn’t it? Come on sweetie, we’ll get something to make it better, but you have to move.”
Voices piled on top of one another, roaring and mixing together. Opening your eyes you stared as people rushed all around you, some covered in soot, others nursing horrific burns. The noise was louder still, the weight crushing the air out of your lungs. Clapping your hands over your ears you felt your mind start to go blank with panic. You needed to get out of here. You needed to remember how to get out of here.
A muffled sound seemed to reach above you. Looking up into the burning sky you reached towards it, almost as if you might tear through the papery-thin night back to safety. Taking a deep breath you tried to open your eyes, to go back into the space that you usually occupied. But the weight was so large, the distortion so strong, you found yourself trapped, as if in a nightmare. The sound called out again and you continued to reach towards it.
Please. Please.
“…”
Scaramouche watched as you seemed to collapse in on yourself, tumbling out of your chair and onto the floor, barely missing the table in front of you. Your breathing was ragged, irregular, and you seemed to be trying to say something. Panic gripped the Harbinger, blood rushing to his ears. Pushing himself out of him own chair he knelt down next to you.
“Hey, hey!”
Shaking your shoulders he went to pinch your arm. You skin seemed to be cold to the point of heat, and you made no move of recognition as his nails dug into your arm. Shaking his head Scaramouche tried calling out one more time.
“Wake up. Can you hear me? Wake up!” Shaking your shoulders once more he tried to suppress the panic that seemed to be driving him, though his thoughts were in such disarray he couldn’t be entirely sure whether or not it was working. A myriad of things leapt through his mind; his plan was going to fail, the effort took in tracking you down appeared to be worthless, were you really going to die? Surely you wouldn’t. He needed you for his plans. Besides, the idea of you dying seemed somewhat terrifying, lying in stark contrast to all the other people that Scaramouche had used and thrown away. The idea of your death seemed much more visceral, much more real.
“Hey. Look at me. I told you that you never even look at me. Open your eyes and look at me. Weren’t you supposed to be blessed by the gods? You can’t even look at me.”
Scoffing Scaramouche glanced towards the tent. He was going to have to call a healer at this rate.
The sudden feeling of someone grabbing his wrist caused the Harbinger to hiss. Looking back towards you he found his eyes met with yours. You seemed to be half wild with, something. Scaramouche couldn’t tell what lay behind the look in your eyes, but it surely seemed something close to panic. Breathing heavily you let out a whisper.
“It’s going to tear you apart.”
“What are you talking about?” Scaramouche felt anger rush through him as the situation seemed to crash into him. “Is that normal? What in Teyvat happened.”
“The mirror, the thing, it’s not normal. It… it warps everything around it. I, I can’t go back again. I can’t look again, I can’t find it again. It’s too heavy; it’ll tear everything apart.”
“You’re not making any sense! Tell me, is this mirror what we’re looking for? Where is it?”
But you said nothing, instead letting your grip tighten on Scaramouche’s wrist as you stared at him. The intensity of your gaze seemed to throw cold water on the Harbinger for a moment, and he quieted down. Everything had gone unexpectedly, what was he supposed to do now? A part of him simply wanted to haul you up and push you out of his tent, towards the healers or towards your own tent he didn’t care. Another part of him however wanted to ask you if you were alright, wanted to know what had frightened you so much, wanted to know why now suddenly you were staring into his eyes, almost as if you were trying to divine his thoughts. The more you looked into the future the odder you became, and the more Scaramouche found himself unable to understand you.
“Do, do you need a healer.”
“No. Just, let me breathe, just let me breathe for a moment.”
You closed your eyes, placing one of your arms on top of your forehead. The grip on Scaramouche’s wrist lessened and you let your arm slump to the group, fingers curled slightly against your palm.
Scaramouche wasn’t sure what caused him to do such a thing, whether it was fear of you having another episode or something else. Yet before he was entirely aware of what he was doing he placed palm on top of yours, allowing it to rest there for a moment. Your hand felt warm against his, still slightly clammy from what had just passed. He couldn’t necessarily call it comfortable, but he nevertheless didn’t draw away.
Staring down at you the Harbinger wondered once more what you had seen. More than that he thought about your expression when you woke up. Expression panicked, eyes wide, gaze full of fear and urgency and something else. It seemed to be the first time you had stared him right in the face without hesitancy. Were your expressions always so intense when you looked someone directly into their eyes? It was uncomfortable, but it always also something else, intriguing, or something like that.
He wondered if you would look at him directly again. He wondered if your words were truly worth heeding. And once more he once more wondered why he, a Harbinger, would kneel in the dirt and trampled grass to make sure you woke up.
#genshin impact fanfiction#scaramouche x reader#Scaramouche#genshin Scaramouche#genshin impact#series#my writing
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[7:05pm] jisung’s never really been in love with anybody before. he’s never really thought about love and relationships the same way his friends, family, classmates, and even pets do. he’s more of the fuck-them-and-leave type; there were no strings attached, only first meetings and many unspoken words after that. you can say that he isn’t a relationship type of guy, and he intends to leave it that.
only one small problem: you exist.
see, jisung’s known you from quite some time--no, scratch that. he’s known you all his life. you could say that you’ve known each other since the birth of dawn, but even a fool knows that things like that would be impossible. let’s say jisung’s known you since elementary school, where he vaguely remembers being picked on by some bullies for being too outgoing and “weird”, and you stepped in for him with your bandaged kneecaps and humungous pastel ribbons. you could say that you were jisung’s savior, his hero. after that, the two of you were like batman and robin, only you were his batman.
dating forward to third year at uni, jisung’s feelings for you started to waver a bit, and for the most unappealing reason. you were caught in between a dilemma over which reigned supreme best: vinegar or milk. any man or woman would roll their eyes or leave the room if they sought you doing that, but jisung didn’t roll his eyes, and neither did he leave the room. it was only when you were evaluating your preferred liquids when his heart went “ba-dum” and his mouth whispered, “fuck. i think i’m in love with you.”
so, it’s perfectly reasonable for robin to put himself in a state of panic when batman pops the question of, “hey, do you know how to masturbate?”
excuse me? what kind of question is that?!
the long hand ticks at five past seven in the evening when you ask that, curled into the couch, phone in hand. it’s just so out of the blue, and though jisung should be used to that already, the context was more than just weird. it was absurd. “what now?” is all that jisung says, voice cracking midway.
“i said,” you reply, propping your knees down to the ground and sitting up to meet his wide eyes, “do you know how to masturbate?”
“uh,” jisung says poorly, “i guess? i’ve jerked off a couple of times before. why?”
ah, sex talk. jisung’s all about that sex talk. whether it’d be about toying with girl’s clits or blowing men’s dicks, he digs the sex talk. only, if he talks about it with his crush of a bajillion years, he doesn’t think that he’ll even muster up the courage to say “boobs”. sadly enough, you hum thoughtfully to yourself before deciding, “teach me!”
i knew this was coming. “what, how stroke a penis or how to touch yourself?” coming in nice and smooth, sungie. you’re doing great!
“how to touch myself, of course! did you not hear what i asked earlier?” you snort, rising up from your couch and approaching your best friend. “you said you were a sex god. surely, you must know how to make someone cum in thirty seconds!”
“yeah, okay, why are you asking me this?” jisung feels hopeless. he’s instantly regretting the days where he bragged about being everyone’s first timer. you falter for that one second, thinking of the best way to make this situation less awkward than it already is. “i just wanted to know how it feels like. what’s wrong with a little spice in my single sex life, you know? come on, jisung! just this once!”
say no. say no! “alright, fine. let’s give it a shot.” WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! “BUT!” jisung raises his finger up at you, pausing your momentary victory dance. “this is going to remain strictly platonic. i don’t want any fucking around after this whole thing, and i want to keep your mouth shut about this when we talk to our friends. got it?”
you nod your head eagerly, eyes shimmering with curiosity and excitement that it makes jisung want to coo and kiss you all over. however, he composes himself instead and makes sure that the door’s locked before leading you toward his bed, laying out a towel just right in the middle. “it’s so that you don’t get jizz all over my bedsheets.” jisung says, suddenly shy. “they’re new.”
by the time you’ve laid yourself down, you look at jisung expectantly, as if waiting for his next step. he scoffs at this, finding your anticipation adorable. “you’re so cute,” he comments before nudging his head at your closed legs. “spread your legs.”
“yes sir.” you purr jokingly before stifling a few giggles and spreading your legs open. yeah, that didn’t make me hard--snap out of it, jisung! he takes a deep breath at your exposed view, and gods be damned that you look heavenly all splayed out like that. he actually doesn’t believe that he’s doing this, but he isn’t denying the fact that he’s kind of enjoying it.
placing his hands on your thighs, he spreads your legs a little wider so that he can make his way on top of you. your breath shudders in awe at his thumbs on your inner thighs, and your eyes find your best friend when he finally looks down at you. you couldn’t help but wonder to yourself: since when did jisung look absolutely hot on top of me?
your breath suddenly hitches when you feel jisung’s hands slide up to the waistband of your shorts, hooking his fingers on the garter of your underwear and smoothing it down slowly, letting your hips move a bit to the sound of the garter slipping down with a gentle tug. “are you sure you want to do this?” jisung asks softly, his eyes never leaving you. “i don’t want to be the reason why you’re uncomfortable.”
you nod your head once more whilst looking down at your undergarments being pulled away in one swift, leaving your bottom half exposed to you and your best friend. you can feel the cool air slap your folds lightly, and you gasp a bit, instinctively pulling your legs together block the air from coming in. however, jisung catches your knees before it closes, and slowly spreads them wide again. “hey, it’s okay. just keep your legs open for me, baby.”
your eyes widen at that moment jisung uttered out that pet name, and you let out a breathy chuckle at his words. “baby?”
fuck! jisung inwardly curses, maybe even face-palming while he’s at it. damn your sexual experiences. “ah, sorry.” your best friend laughs nervously. “force of habit. just ignore that.” he didn’t even note the slightly disappointed look on your face, and proceeded to take your hand, folding your forefinger and pinky down. “now, people normally use these two fingers to touch themselves, but since you’re a beginner, you can start with one.” then, he folds your ring finger, and guides your hand down south, right just above your entrance. your breaths get shallower by the second he guides your finger to your clit, and with a gentle push, he pulls pressure on your finger, letting it hit the spot, just where you like it.
you emit a gasp at the direct hit, taken aback by how you were able to locate your pleasure spot with the help of your best friend. you don’t realize how jisung’s gotten closer to you, your faces inches apart, yet you feel your head throw back when jisung holds the back of your palm and moves it around, giving your clit more friction from your finger. he thinks you look beautiful like that; chest heaving, eyes getting foggy, lips parted and whimpers sounding across the room. it drives jisung crazy, how he can still be in love with you despite teaching you how to finger yourself? then again, when hasn’t he fallen in love with any random scenario that you cause?
“i love you.” jisung says suddenly, throwing you off guard. your finger stops moving, and you can feel your building arousal coming into a halt. for what seems to be a good ten seconds, you and jisung stare at each other in that exact same position. if an ant crawled by and saw that, even it will question the situation. that wasn’t the case for the both of you. “what?” you breathe out.
“i love you.” and this time, jisung doesn’t stop. “i’m in love with you, [first name]. you don’t even know. i’ve been in love with you ever since the day you saved me from those bullies, and it only grew stronger among the years. i’m sorry i confessed at the wrong and weirdest time, but i do love you, [first name]. you’re like the robin to my batman.”
“but batman doesn’t teach robin how to masturbate.” you cock up a small smirk at jisung teasingly, though you seem giddier now. “i mean, they could.” jisung retorts back, shrugging his shoulders. the two of you burst into giggles at that very instant, and when jisung recovers from his own fit of giggles, he smiles down at you, fond as ever. “so, what do you say, partner?”
he doesn’t need to ask twice when you pull him in for a kiss, one that’s firm and passionate. you even didn’t need to continue your own exploration down south, for when things got heated enough between you two, it was jisung who finished it for you.
#stray kids imagines#stray kids scenarios#stray kids smut#han jisung#han jisung smut#pav.writes#THIS WAS LONG#but its ok jisungs hot anyway
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Okay since I’m not satisfied reblogging the recap as is since the older ones weren’t as good, I’ll just paste it here but with some edits to include more direct quotes and stuff
This is one of my favorite days for Quackity’s character
---
RECAP: December 6, 2020
- HBomb hosts Niki and Wilbur’s L’Cast
- Fundy continues work on the chess board
- Ranboo is leaving a book with messages to communicate with Tommy
- Fundy and Ranboo visit Tommy and help him through the Nether to find blaze rods. Fundy fills Tommy in on the fact that Dream is officially recognizing L’manburg as a country.
- Tommy falls in lava and loses all his stuff
- Then he burns to death
- Then he falls in lava and loses all his stuff again
- He FINALLY gets an ender chest
- Lazar asks him for help since he’d fallen in lava and needed help getting out. As Tommy does so, Lazar questions why Tommy hasn’t turned against L’manburg. Tommy says it’s because Tubbo is there, but Lazar points out that Tubbo was the one who exiled him.
- Ghostbur comes on and says he has a gift.
- Tommy attempts to rescue Lazar from the depths of the lava pit. Techno starts arguing with him.
- Tommy falls in lava and loses all his stuff again. He gives up on helping Lazar, who is understandably annoyed at him.
- Philza joins the call wondering wtf is happening and why Tommy keeps dying, but Tommy just ends stream
- Psyche! Ghostbur asks Tommy to return to Logstedshire so he dies in lava to fast-travel back. Ghostbur gives Tommy a lodestone compass named “Your Tubbo” that points back to L’manburg at all times. Tommy puts the compass in his ender chest right next to the discs, saying he’ll keep it close to his heart.
- Thunder’s frustrated that Tommy got exiled exiled because the Prank War he was setting up between Dream and Tommy can no longer happen and Thunder’s great villain arc has been cancelled - he is no longer a villain now.
- Now, he wants to do the clay prank to George instead to try and get Dream and George to turn on each other as revenge for Dream burning his house.
- Puffy builds Tommy a second Christmas Tree.
- Quackity declares war on the Dream SMP from Mexican L’manburg. He gets George, Sapnap and Karl on to help. He’s rigged TNT under Eret’s castle bridge and wants to invoke the same ideas as the Mexican Revolution. He wants to put M.L. on the map by staging an assassination and using George’s dethronement as an excuse to start a political movement.
- Sapnap wants to take on Technoblade but Quackity tells him that they have to take things step by step and that it’s an extremely bad idea to do it now.
- Eret asks Hbomb to be one of his knights. HBomb agrees.
- George wants his kingship back
The explosion goes to plan with H and Puffy as witnesses.
— —
CANON DEATH: KARL
Cause: Death by explosion and falling
— —
- George distracts Eret while Quackity, Sapnap and Karl steal his throne. Punz joins Eret’s side as one of his other knights.
- The M.L. side reconvenes in L’manburg and drink invisibility potions. Dream is in Mexican L’manburg. He is tearing the dirt to shreds. Meanwhile, Eret gives a speech to his Knights as they head to Party Island. Dream, alone, is invisible in Boomerville.
- Sapnap gets Dream to log (he says it’s lag). The Dream SMP faction blows up M.L. with TNT. The Mexican L’manburgians kill Puffy.
- They want to head to the Holy Land. Dream says he wants to talk. They collect at the Church.
- They argue. Dream threatens to kill Quackity permanently and make sure Mexican L’manburg can never rise again.
- Sapnap tells George that he thinks Dream has completely turned against them, and that they’re better off disowning him.
— [Including some more direct quotes here] ---
Quackity: “Listen...this should be between Eret and me, I don’t know why you are getting involved...we will give back the throne, but what we want-”
Dream: “- Mexican L’manburg is not...existing. Ever again...if you wanna destroy and grief the kingdom, then that is called being a terrorist! Listen, Karl, I don’t give a crap if you died, that’s your fault. You died griefing and being a terrorist...”
...
Quackity: “Is that what we’re going off of now? That the entire server can be run by one goddamn person? We’re not even allowed to voice our opinions now? What’s going on? As far as I remember, you’ve been taking all the shots, and anything, nobody has free speech anymore!”
...
Dream: “I think you forget that I designated this as the holy land.”
...
Dream: “I have no problem with Tubbo, who’s leading his country gracefully. You are a terrorist.”
...
Quackity: “What is it that you want from us? We were doing peaceful protest, that’s all we were doing.”
Dream: “Quackity...you’re not doing ‘peaceful protest’ when all I hear is ‘hey, the Dream SMP castle has been sieged.’ ...Look, I...You’re trying to paint me as this tyrant when I’m just trying to maintain peace...if you think Eret’s being too political, come and talk to me! Don’t go and raid my castle and my throne.”
Karl: “YOUR castle? YOUR throne?”
Dream: “Yes!”
Karl: “Dream’s an absolute TYRANT!”
...
Dream: “The only reason it’s a no-kill policy in the first place is because I wanted it to be that way, and it’s enforced by me.”
Karl: “That sounds like a tyrant!”
Dream: “It’s not a tyrant! I’m a humanitarian if anything! It’s not for my agenda...listen, my agenda always, since the beginning, has always been for the SMP to thrive. That has been my agenda, so if you’re saying for my agenda, it makes me a tyrant - no, it doesn’t, it makes me wanting the server to thrive and everyone to be peaceful.”
...
Dream: “In my mind, Mexican L’manburg does not exist as anything whatsoever and you know what? I’ll talk to Tubbo about it and make sure he sees it doesn’t either.”
Karl: “Dream said the same thing about L’manburg back in the day--”
Dream: “No I didn’t!”
...
Dream: “You don’t get a country recognized by being a terrorist, Quackity.”
...
Dream: “I did NOTHING! At all! Until you decided to attack my nation...you know what someone has to do to be recognized? A country that is established has to have a fair, and just, and logical ruler, and you are NONE of those things. Tubbo is all of those things, and that’s why L’manburg is recognized.
When Tommy was head of state, and Tommy was vice president, you’re right, L’manburg had no right to be recognized...it was the fact that Tommy, a dumbass, was exiled and is no longer in charge of their land anymore...Tubbo would never...never in a million years do what you just did.”
“You know who would? Jschlatt. You know who would? Wilbur. You know who would? Tommy.”
...
Dream: “The king is a figurehead! He knows that!”
Quackity: “So that’s what you are? That’s what you are, Eret? A puppet?”
Dream: “YES!” -- No he’s not a puppet --”
---
M.L. argues that putting a human life above a few blocks of gold is more important.
He says that Quackity is causing the most problems, the number one “enemy” of the SMP right now.
—
- Quackity decides to dissolve Mexican L’manburg for a clean slate and call it something else. He wants the server to have a precedent of establishing new countries without having to go to Dream for recognition every time.
- Eret agrees to recognize Quackity’s new country if they apologize and return the throne.
- Sapnap declares that he no longer wants to fight Techno but Dream instead. He says he wants to slay Dream in front of everyone.
- Overall, Dream and Eret declare it a “failed coup” and say that the destruction is just a consequence of “what happens when you don’t plan anything” but Quackity is satisfied that his new country has been “put on the map.”
- Quackity declares the country to be named “El Rapids” in honor of Cedar Rapids.
- Punz no longer wants to be an official Knight.
- Quackity misses Ghostbur and wants to speak with him. He tells Ghostbur about the war. Ghostbur asks if it was a revolution - Quackity says yes! Ghostbur also informs Quackity that he burnt the sacred texts - How to Sex 2 - in lava.
- Karl streams with the intention of rebuilding and preparing for Pokimane’s visit
- Karl steals Eret’s Museum Llamas and gets caught in the act. Fortunately this doesn’t spark up the war again. They take a llama to Party Island.
- They get into trouble at Boomerville and Lazar joins.
- Dream comes online and asks Sam about the prison’s progress. Bad gets annoyed at Sam for destroying the beachfront property value, and he didn’t authorize the seizure of the land. Dream is there helping to shovel but Bad wants him to stop. Bad is angry about the prison being built and starts shouting at Sam.
- Bad tries to negotiate with Dream. Dream refers to the prison as containing a “prisoner.” Singular. And that the prisoner would have nothing, and Bad would be in charge of helping to guard it. There are going to be multiple “layers.”
- The prison will be in the middle of the ocean bit, and Bad would have a terraformed beachfront property. All of the land would be considered property of the Badlands - including the prison.
- People are going to have to go through portals to escape the prison.
- Bad starts to come around to the prison idea. Dream tells Sam he thinks they need more hands to help, potentially Ant and Eret.
- A strange, giant red “egg” has appeared in the corner of Bad’s statue room. He feels a strange aura coming from it, and he’s unable to bring himself to break it.
- Dream says Eret can’t help with the prison but he can help make the beach nicer. Bad says he might want to put Tommy in the prison but Dream says no, Tommy’s already exiled. So the prison isn’t for Tommy.
- Once the prisoner is in there, Dream says they would only be able to be let out “by the server.” It’s got certain secrets that only Dream and Sam know about. Sam says that he could potentially escape from it, but it will be so impenetrable that even if you know the secrets it would still be difficult to escape from.
- Bad shows Dream the Egg. Dream gets creeped out by it.
- Another Red Corruption has appeared near Hutt’s Pizza, and another at the Mansion. Everyone swears that it wasn’t there before, and there wasn’t enough time for someone to place all of it manually in the time that they were down there.
- Bad stabs Dream for trying to “hurt it.” He likes it for some reason.
- Bad asks Dream about who the prison’s for. Dream says “if you can’t kill somebody, you need to lock them up.” He mentions that it’s one of the more powerful people on the server, someone who either provides a threat now or in the future. He has someone in mind.
— —
Dream explains to Bad and Sam that the reason he switched sides in the Manberg-Pogtopia War was because Schlatt gave him something.
And that thing is “a card up his sleeve” until he needs it.
A book of great value.
It puts Dream in danger if people know of it, but also gives Dream power.
The “most valuable thing on the server.”
Something pertaining to the prison.
Something where they wouldn’t believe Dream if he told them what he was given.
— —
- The corruption grows AGAIN despite Dream, Sam and Bad all being in the middle of the ocean
- Another corruption appears on Tommy’s Power Tower
- The water level in New L’manburg has risen again, covering George and Quackity’s mushroom house
- The prison is going to be as tall as a MOUNTAIN
- Dream proposes the idea of Bad giving him the disc to piss off Tommy. Bad says that Skeppy has it so he’ll have to ask some other time. He might trade some information about Schlatt’s book in return for the disc.
- Bad says he likes the name a dono came up with for the corruption – “Blood Vines”
- Dream and Sam removed the Blood Vines on the Mansion to Bad’s dismay. Sam burns the Vines and Bad goes on a murderous rampage against him.
- Technoblade got a “Bee our guest” achievement
- Dream burns down the Eiffel Tower again.
- The prison will be reinforced with 15 layers of obsidian, and the guards will have Ender Pearl Stasis Chambers that are alarm-activated.
- The Blood Vines have sprouted up from Schlatt’s Grave.
The prison’s unofficial name as of right now is “Pandora’s Vault,” but it is subject to change.
---
(You can tell this was written a while ago lmao)
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Me watching my original rant spark a huge conversation amongst everyone: 👁👄👁
I just wanna say, because i did see some people saying stuff about the wlm, and here’s how I personally see it
1. “Lorelei got shitted on” yes yes, I agree 100%. I will never laugh or make fun of Lorelei fans for that, she deserved better. I’m not a fan of her route, so I haven’t read almost any of it, but she did deserved better from what i heard happened in her route. But I feel like the fact that it happened to Lorelei, the wlm would understand how it feels when it happens to the newer guy LIs time and time again. When I complained about Sascha, I wasn’t trying to make it seem like this never happened to the female LIs, and if the anon who talked about Lorelei thought that, i’m sorry.
2. “The wlm can be toxic at times and hate on the female LIs and attack others for their opinions”. I apologize for those people’s behavior. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with those fans. I know a lot of wlm readers who are so nice, and it hurts to know that some of y’all don’t meet some of the nicer side. I promise not all wlm readers are like that. And for that anon who said they deleted lovestruck because of how toxic some of the wlm can be, i am truly sorry. I personally don’t like Runa’s route because of her attitude (i don’t like Chance either actually, so i’m not a hypocrite, promise lol), but I will never attack anyone for liking her.
3. “the wlm attack female and nonbinary LIs because they’re not male” It truly isn’t all of us. i promise. I, personally, may be bratty or do attack female Lis at times when i don’t like them, but it’s truly because i just don’t like the Li. I do the same so some males (in fact, I hate more men LIs, than i do female). No LI or their fans deserves to be attacked for being themselves, and if you’ve gotten attacked for it i’m sorry.
4. “some wlm go on and be homophobic about double wlw or wlnb LIs” We, the fans with a brain, don’t claim them. I don’t. I don’t care if lovestruck releases a women and enby at the same time. For RP, I just don’t read RP so i don’t care, and for EAA, i love everything from EAA, so I don’t care. I would’ve preferred Omar over Lavinia a little cause I just LOVE his character, but I still love Lavinia. And I’m sorry some of yall have to see it.
I hate how the wlm can be toxic, but it’s not just the one side, both sides are toxic, and here’s how my friend said it
“they don’t see what’s going on with the LIs they don’t read because it doesn’t affect them or their LIs”
So I think that’s one reason the fandom is so toxic, no one really tries to see how the other side is taking things. And it really isn’t one side, it’s both who do it.
In conclusion, that’s how I, personally, see and view y’all’s arguments. They’re valid, 100%. I just w anted to say something back. I’m not trying to start an argument, But yea.
This wasn’t asked for but yall got this huge response anyways lol. Baii.
Not me replying to the other post because I didn't see this one at first 🤣🤣
Man I'm dumb lol
“they don’t see what’s going on with the LIs they don’t read because it doesn’t affect them or their LIs” YES! That's the main problem. I agree 100% with that. Lack of empathy will always end up in toxic behaviour :/
Thank you for stating your opinions, anon. I do agree not all wlm fans are toxic, as well as not all wlw are toxic. I've truly found some wonderful people from both sides. Seriously, thank you for existing everyone. It sometimes feels like us bisexuals are caught in the crossfire so it's always nice to find non-toxic people lol
Everyone deserves to rant, and everyone is allowed to have their opinions. That will always be top rule here. - Mod Jessa
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MCU Loki: Why so far it had been disappointing how the series has dealt with what the TVA had been doing
Right from when the series started I carried on the belief that what the TVA was doing was horrible, a mix between a Nazi regime and a fanatical cult down to the elements of police brutality, to the extermination and persecution of people they felt different and lesser, detrimental for their own self being all out of blind faith to something they were indoctrinated into.
I was expecting a serious analysis of this from the show since Waldron seemed to be so enthusiast of the TVA as it was his creature
“The TVA is just an entirely new world [with] a new cast of characters, and that’s what felt most exciting about the show: building a new corner of the MCU.’ What if this was the best show ever?’ I think that was literally my pitch. My pitch for the show was kind of a big, crazy, fun-time adventure.”
[‘Loki’ Writer Michael Waldron On Building ‘A New Corner Of The MCU’]
References to the TVA being bad needed to wait till Ep. 3 “Lamentis 1” and where just two lines:
Sylvie: So, naturally you went to work for the boring, oppressive time police. [Ep 3]
Sylvie: It must have started when I spent my entire life running from the omniscient fascists you work for. [Ep 3]
More than focusing on how horrid the TVA is, both sentences criticize Loki for cooperating with the TVA even if he was forced into it as he couldn’t escape, cooperating with them was his only way to survive, the implication being he should have taken the hero route and die instead than accept to join forces with the TVA.
Mind you, it could have been an interesting angle to look at. How people can embrace terrible things in order to survive. After all we saw Loki cooperating with Thanos under the promise if he were to fail recovering the Tesseract death would be a preferable option than failure.
THE OTHER: You will have your war, Asgardian. If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he can't find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.
The series could have drawn parallels from both situations, either making a point one should never bent or that sometimes you can’t do anything else but bent because not everyone is born as a hero, or because you’re just waiting for a time in which you can oppose as sometimes getting heroically killed for your ideals can be also very unproductive.
But no, it’s not this series.
Loki will maintain he accepted to work with the TVA not because his other option was being killed (something that’s remarked more than once), but because he wanted to get to the Time-Keepers to steal their powers or something like that. If he’s lying to himself to cope with the situation that’s not a problem the series pose to itself as the series seem to embrace this explanation even if it made clear Loki would be reset if he didn’t cooperate.
Episode 3 also introduces the idea that people at the TVA works under a false belief. They think they were created by the Time-Keepers but in truth they are brainwashed Variants they kidnapped from their timelines.
Okay, it was another possible interesting route. Loki was a Frost Giant raised on the idea he was an Asgardian, there could be a parallel here… though one that, for the TVA, was less interesting.
The TVA members are enthusiastic believers. Most of them show no empathy toward the Variants, no pity. They belittle and humiliate them, handle them as beings with no rights, punish them for not obeying rules they didn’t know existed in the first place. Feelings rage from enjoying doing it to just doing it the way a boot steps over a ant to use a familiar metaphor.
The fact that in episode 4 B-15, after discovering the truth, will go: ‘I looked happy (in my previous life)!’ doesn’t really make me feel very sorry for her on an intellectual plan.
Yes, what the TVA did to B-15 was wrong, but what about what she did to others without a single remorse? Enjoying her work?
But, whatever, not everyone on the TVA seemed to belittle Variants, in ep 1 & 2 Mobius showed some form of pity for them, not enough it’ll stop him but enough we can think he didn’t enjoy what was being done to the Variants so knowing how he’ll react could be interesting, couldn’t it?
We reach Ep. 4 “Nexus Event”.
While we see the TVA did to a child version of Sylvie what they did to Loki and this time there isn’t any ounce of doubt that it wasn’t fun, this isn’t really used to throw shades at the TVA but to underline how Sylvie’s life was miserable.
Sylvie: I remember Asgard. Not much, but I remember. My home, my people, my life. The universe wants to break free, so it manifests chaos. Like me being born the Goddess of Mischief. And as soon as that created a big enough detour from the Sacred Timeline, the TVA showed up, erased my reality, and took me prisoner. I was just a child. I escaped. Stole a TemPad and I ran for a long, long time, which really sucked. Everywhere and every-when I went, it caused a nexus event. Sent up a smoke flare. Because I'm not supposed to exist. Until, eventually, I figured out where to hide. And so that's where I grew up, the ends of a thousand worlds. ( /Scoffs/ ) Now... that's where I'll die.
Thanks to the TVA, so it’s possible to make the connection that if Sylvie was in pain due to the TVA the TVA is a bad guy, but it’s again left vague.
In an episode that feel the need to have Loki define himself as a ‘horrible person’ and a ‘narcissist’, that calls him ‘an asshole and a bad friend’ using ‘a cockroach's survival mechanism’ when he actually says the truth and how he is a ‘conniving, craven, pathetic worm’ who should know he ‘deserve to be alone and always will be’ let’s not talk about how terrible the TVA is.
After all, according to the previous episode they’re just ‘boring, oppressive, omniscient fascists’. Nothing big.
And it’s nothing big, really.
C-20, B-15 and even Mobius, once discovering the truth are solely concerned about how the TVA lied to them, not of how they had been the TVA accomplices into wiping countless lives from existence.
Hunter B-15: I looked happy. What now?
Hunter C-20: "Calm down"? I'm a Variant. So are you. So is every single person in this place. I'm ending this.
Mobius: You know where I'd go if I could go anywhere? Wherever it is I'm really from. Yeah, wherever I had a life before the TVA came along. Maybe I had a jet ski. That's what I'd like to do. Just riding around on my jet ski.
They don’t care about what they had done with the TVA, they are okay with burning the place merely because the TVA has wronged them. But okay, maybe they need time to elaborate, to realize the implication of what they’ve done.
For C-20, who was reset, there’s no more time but…
Hunter B-15: Why am I locked in here?
Renslayer: You freed the Variant. You were disloyal to the TVA.
Hunter B-15: Disloyal?
Renslayer: Did you think you'd escape punishment for that?
Hunter B-15: Disloyal to who? You were in the Time-Keepers' chambers. They weren't real.
Renslayer: And why does that change anything?
Hunter B-15: That changes everything! The people need to know the truth.
Actually what the people need prior to that is to stop. Stop pruning other existences who’re exactly the same as their own. The biggest problem, the biggest CRIME isn’t that the TVA has done TO THEM, as, in doing so, it has at least spared their lives, it’s that they had killed countless galaxies and continue doing so.
So we move to Mobius.
I… I really don’t get what the series wants to do with Mobius. Although he wasn’t perfect, he seemed a decent guy in episode 1 & 2, one that wouldn’t enjoy hurting or scaring Variants without a reason. Yes he believed they needed to be eliminated… but didn’t enjoy doing it.
Yes, the way he ‘interrogated’ Loki in episode 1 was bad… but he believed he was doing only his work, that interrogation might have a point, some of the things he said weren’t meant to be just verbally abusive for the sake of it but were part of his ‘credo’ in which people had to follow the path of the sacred timeline and a side of him might have felt sympathy or pity for him. Although he knew it was risky he wanted to have faith in Loki.
Episode 4 tossed all that away with the worst interrogation scene possible. It contained gratuitous beating, psychological abuse/manipulation, derogatory comments, pointless questions while Mobius defined himself as Loki’s friend in the same episode. That scene has no purpose if not to beat and belittle Loki. What’s worse, when Mobius discovers the truth and goes to Loki, instead than asking him how he feels after such a beating he asks him what he’s doing… and I won’t dig into the rest of the conversation because it’s horrid.
Mobius’ ideas of apology for what he has done to his supposed friend is:
Mobius: You were right, about the TVA. You were right from the beginning. And if you wanna save her, you need to trust me. Can we do that?
Loki: Yes.
Mobius: Okay. You could be whoever, whatever you wanna be, even someone good. I mean, just in case anyone ever told you different.
It was Mobius who told him differently. Okay, he has acknowledged Loki was right and he was wrong but not that he had unfairly had him beaten for God knows how long for no reason. But okay, maybe Mobius too needed time to internalize all that, so let’s look at episode 5.
Let’s face it, no, what Mobius did to Loki won’t come up again with Loki, Sylvie will merely tell Loki (and to us) Mobius ‘isn't so bad’ and that he cares about Loki. Loki will counter Mobius isn’t so good either but that’s why he gets along with him.
I… I’m not sure what the series is trying to do at this point with Mobius, all we get about what he did with the Variants in Episode 5 is this.
Mobius: All that time, I really believed we were the good guys.
Sylvie: Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls, classic hero stuff.
Mobius: Well, I guess when you think the ends justify the means, there's not much you won't do. By the way, you did some annihilating too.
Sylvie: I did what I had to do.
Mobius: Yeah, so did I.
Sylvie: You hunted me like a dog.
Mobius: I'm sorry about that.
Mobius admits they weren’t the good guys, which would be great if it wasn’t for the fact the moment Sylvie points out how he was dumb at not realizing it sooner because we finally are told that the TVA is responsible for ‘Annihilating entire realities, orphaning little girls’, Mobius defends his actions!
The ends justify the means, you did some annihilating too, I did what I had to do.
Hey, news flash, no, those aren’t excuses. This is not a game about who annihilated more make penitence and anyway, if this was the case, the TVA wins. You killed countless people and now you’re complaining you aren’t a hero? That others are bad too? That you were forced to do it when you were a willing believer that refused to question things even though Loki immediately pointed out how it all was dumb?
Mobius: Odin, God of the Heavens. Asgard, mystical realm, beyond the stars. Frost Giants. Listen to yourself...
Loki: It's not the same. It's completely different. No. It's not the same.
Mobius: It's exactly the same thing. Because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kinda ridiculous. Existence is chaos. Nothing makes any sense, so we try to make some sense of it. And I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me all this... My own glorious purpose. Cause the TVA is my life. And it's real because I believe it's real.
It took Sylvie remarking he hunted her like a animal to finally get him to apologize on something… and she’s the only one he apologizes to.
We don’t hear him apologizing to the other Loki Variants and this is his new glorious purpose:
Kid Loki: Mobius, assuming you do get back to the TVA, what exactly are you getting yourself into?
Mobius: I don't know. I'd like to let people know the truth.
Again it seems the biggest deal is the TVA lied to them and took them away from their lives, not that they pruned countless others without a care.
There’s no self reflection, there’s no horror for what they had done to the other Variants who were just like them.
When Kid Loki and Classic Loki say they’ll remain there because that’s their home he doesn’t counter ‘no, this isn’t and I’m sorry we let you believe this.’ It’s Loki who worries for them, pointing out the dangers of the place. Mobius, who’s either directly responsible or connected to the one responsible for them ending there and losing their whole world, says nothing.
So his sympathy toward the Variants, his pity… was it all fake?
Doesn’t he care anymore? This is the road the story decided to go with him?
Since Mobius has gained popularity into the fandom thanks to the first 2 episodes, to Owen Wilson and to those who shipped him with Loki, let’s strip him of what really made him great, the fact he didn’t enjoy mistreating the Variants and turns him into someone who doesn’t care?
What next, is he going to become the new villain?
Damn it, this series started with a full episode questioning what Loki did in New York, pointing out how Loki’s belief ‘he would make it easy for humans’ because ‘freedom is a lie’ is an idiocy, how he was just a murderer and asking him if he enjoyed hurting people and making him say that no, he didn’t that he was bad, that he was a narcissist and yadda, yadda, yadda, then it turns out Mobius annihilated entire realities, orphaning little girls, all because freedom is a lie and we’ve all to do what the Time-Keepers decided and let’s have the guy you call friend beaten up at random for no good reason and… and that’s what we get?
That he rebels to the Time-Keepers because they had dared to lie TO HIM about not having created him?
Is the series trying to make a point about how people at the TVA can accuse Loki of not being good but they’re actually worse because they did much worse and didn’t care at all about their victims?
Is it a critic to society, that find easy to criticize someone but can’t admit they do worse? Won’t even see they’re doing worse and would resent instead for any little slight done to them?
It would be an interesting theme… the problem is it doesn’t seem to be the goal of the series as it tends to overlook the TVA, its fascist behaviour and the annihilation of civilizations at the hands of willing, albeit indoctrinated members, to focus more on how the TVA wronged solely Sylvie (her complain about her being orphaned is more about HER being orphaned than about HER PARENTS having been killed) and the TVA members.
It’s fair to see the TVA members as victims… they are… but what about the other Variants who got erased? What about how the TVA members had been complicit in said elimination, enjoying it, gratuitously mistreating and belittling Variants before eliminating them?
Is it just up to us viewers realize it because the story isn’t going to do the work for us?
I don’t know. I hope the last episode will do something to fix this.
There’s still an episode after all and maybe I’m worrying over nothing, maybe someone, Mobius preferably because I want to go back considering him a decent guy, not perfect because nobody is perfect but decent, and I don’t like what episode 4 has done with him, will regret what was done to way too many people by the ones who were working at the TVA.
I’ll be fine if they still need to internalize what they had done... but I’d like for them to be done internalizing before the series ends because otherwise it’s just skipping over the whole topic.
So... I’ll try to keep hopeful. Maybe they won’t disappoint me.
#mcu loki#mobius m mobius#hunter b 15#hunter c 20#loki#loki laufeyson#sylvie#time variance authority#9 worlds study
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Wandavision Ep 6 Spoilers
No really, spoilers.
Previously on Wandavision — Wanda told SWORD to shove their drones right straight up their asses, Vision woke up to the reality that his utopian sitcom life was in fact a dystopian hellscape, their children were extremely creepy, and Agnes was being bizarre as hell and super sus. In the real world, Acting Director Dick was a dick, and Darcy and Jimmy welcomed Monica into their sciencey weird-crime-fighting team. Monica also mentioned an aerospace engineer she knows, which some suggest may be the first mention of Reed Richards in the MCU. I have conflicted feelings about the Fantastic Four. Mostly I never liked them. But, I'm open to revising my opinion.
Oh, and also X-Men 'Verse Pietro showed up suddenly and that was fun.
Anyway. the roommate and I tried to sort out a timeline — so Monica unBlips and goes back to work at SWORD three weeks later. AD Dick tells us Wanda stole Vision's body nine days previously. That means, just three weeks ago Wanda was in the middle of a battle, lost her boyfriend, was Snapped, was then unsnapped to fall right into the middle of another battle. Lost THREE additional teammates. And then sometime in the following week found out a shady government agency had Vision's body and she probably went "OH HELL NO". Because that's what I would say. So she goes to SWORD, dents a few doors, takes Vision's body and swans off to New Jersey. Look, she's been through a hell of a lot in the last couple weeks, is what I'm saying. I don't blame her a tiny bit. But, also, I don't think she's entirely behind this.
10-year old boy plus video camera = the 90s. Obnoxious opening credits. But, you know, I kind of liked them (as a one off). WAYYY better than last week's.
It's Halloween, and *sigh* Billy is breaking the fourth wall and narrating to the camera. There's childish twin bickering as you expect, Tommy's the wild and crazy twin, and Billy's the buttoned up twin. And Pietro is passed out on the couch at 4 in the afternoon. Living his best life. He teasingly scares the boys, chases them around, and there's awkward child acting.
Wanda comes down the stairs in the classic Scarlet Witch costume, and says she's a Sokovian Fortune Teller. Sokovia was more wild than I realized.
Genuinely funny flashback to Wanda and Pietro trick-or-treating in Sokovia as kids, 'the year we got typhus'. lol. Was it the fish that gave them typhus? Or was that just a special treat? Wanda doubts this version of events, and Pietro suggests she suppressed the memory due to the trauma. This gives Billy the chance to tell the camera that mom's been weird since uncle Pietro turned up to crash on their couch.
Next it's Vision's turn to appear in the classic Vision costume. Yikes. Wanda thanks him for humoring her, and he says there were no other clothes in his closet and they have a very weird second where he's not playing along and she's not sure what to do, and then he breaks into sitcom character says something about "just kidding, i know how much you love mexican wrestling" like it's a luchador costume, and then there's some super weird flirting. TMI you two.
Meanwhile, Pietro is a large child and the kids love him, of course. So there's that.
Back to Wanda and Vision, she's ready to take the kids out trick-or-treating, but Vision says he can't go, he's on the neighborhood watch and must patrol the streets ever-vigilant for wild gangs of child hooligans who might TP trees. He's gone off-script and it takes Wanda a second to figure out how to play this. She says it's the boys' first Halloween so he has to be there. Pietro breaks up the almost argument and says he can be a father figure-type and he'll help with the boys. Vision's still pretty off-script but Wanda doesn't fight it but looks uncertain, and he goes off to protect the night — or early afternoon.
Pietro is a child hooligan and wants to go do hooligany things with the kids. Wanda says he doesn't have a costume and he grabs Billy and they speed off only to return dressed in classic Quicksilver duds. Well, cheap-looking, thrown together Quicksilver duds. I laughed. The hair. lol. Good one.
Outside in the real world. The Hex field is still kind of glowing red and making bad force field noises. It only started doing that when Wanda got pissed in the last ep. Oh, goody, it's Acting Director Dick. I've learned his name is Hayward. I don't care.
Blah blah Stompy Mc-I'm-In-Charge blah. Monica is not pleased about the whole trying to kill Wanda with a missile while she was talking to her plan. AD Dick just says "now we know who we're dealing with". Um … what? You tried to kill her and her response was to tell you to go away. Yeah, boy, she's a monster.
Darcy is there to helpfully remind AD Dick that Wanda made him look like the fool he is. ILU girl. "Hey, there he is; the guy who almost got murdered by his own murder squad." Jimmy just makes a 'i'm so disappointed in you and your choices' face at him in the background.
I despise characters like Hayward. They are so tedious. Narratively they are there to incite conflict, but given the situation conflict naturally exists, surely there are other ways to bring up/drive that tension without the trope of the government heavy ready to solve the problem with the most extreme amount of force available to him. OH no! Our plucky heroes will have to find a way to save the day and fight the Man! Can they do it? Boring. It's too bad General Talbot went insane and then died; he could probably give tips on How Not To Be That Guy.
Anyway
Hayward wants to know if Darcy works for him and she's like "dunno my dude", Monica claims her, AD Dick says "which one of you is the sassy best friend" and Jimmy's like, that is quite enough Acting Director Not Very Nice Man. "There's no time to diminish your colleagues when you're about to start a war you can't win." AD Dick just wants to take out Wanda so the whole nightmare ends. Monica's like um, we literally do not know what's going on. Like, for real we have no clue. So that might not, in fact, end the nightmare, Director Murder Britches.
They argue a lot and Director Dick goes off the rails. Dude's like more unhinged than seems warranted. Unless he's just so embarrassed that he pissed himself when Wanda returned his murder drone to him, he's decided SHE MUST BE DESTROYED FOR THE GOOD OF … NEW JERSEY AND MY SOILED UNDERWEAR OR SOMETHING.
"Captain Rambeau, you are an impediment to this mission!" Oh no! He's gonna tell her all about how hard it was to survive in a post-blip world, all those lucky blipped don't know what it was like! You just can't understand! Monica tells him not to use that as an excuse to be a coward. I'm so bored with this scene. Let me guess, the trio will have to go behind his back to save the day.
"Maybe it's a good thing you weren't here with your mother died. Because, clearly you don't have the stomach for this job." … non-sequitur much? Or is he saying she would have inherited the Director-ship (which should probably not be how that sort of agency works, let's be real). Is this scene five hours long, or does it just feel that way?
The Dick banishes the trio from his base.
"Hayward is way over-stepping his provisional authority". Jimmy Woo, you're so great. Monica says he's up to something. Yeah a tactical nuke and murder. Clearly he doesn't want to actually solve the problem, he just wants the problem to go away with a big show of macho explosions and whatnot. I suspect he might be in over his head, like he was not meant to be Acting Director, let alone Director. Also, he's a boring cliche stereotype and I loathe it.
JIMMY! I legit did not see that coming. He just pure hauls off and clocks one of the soldiers escorting them off the base, to a transport truck or something. Monica seems just as surprised for a second but then she's like "hell yeah!" and jumps in. Darcy sort of stands back and watches. lol. "Why didn't anyone tell me the plan?"
Oh look, it's my shipping container! They put the soldiers in there. Guys, it was for Hayward. Come on.
The trio disguise themselves with ponchos, which is a big step up from the usual MCU disguise of "baseball hat". That was a good bit in Ant-man and the Wasp "it's not a disguise, it just looks like us at a baseball game" (I watched that like last week. I missed Luis). Anyway …
Back in the sitcom world. The kids are ready for their early afternoon trick-or-treating. They're still talking to the camera. It's so awkward. I'm not a fan. I get it's meant to reproduce the very 90s Nick-era sitcoms and so, you know, it's spot on. Still, though.
Pietro is encouraging and supportive. "Unleash hell, demon spawn!"
Dang there are a lot of kids in that neighborhood. Wasn't Vision wondering last episode why there weren't any kids? Is the program correcting itself?
Wanda tries to test Pietro, asking him about some kid at an orphanage when they were kids. Pietro calls her on it, and says he knows he looks different. Wanda wants to know why that is. He says, "You tell me. I mean, if I found shangra-la, I wouldn't want to be reminded of the past, either." Hmm.
The kids speed off with uncle Pietro. Wanda wanders over to talk to neighbor Herb, who has a g-man earbud in and is clearly part of the neighborhood watch. In the background Pietro is stealing all the candy and smashing pumpkins and spraying the place with silly string. The hijinks are so wacky. Wanda tells Herb maybe Vision can help out with the chaos, and Herb says Vision isn't on duty. Oh no, he lied to her!
Herb goes weird "is there something I can do for you, Wanda? Do you want something changed?" Hmmm.
Elsewhere Vision is wandering the wild streets of Westview. He finds people caught in some type of weird decorating loop, the woman seems trapped but aware.
Commercial time! What the fuck was that. "Yo-magic! The snack for survivors." No, really, what the fuck.
Night has fallen, the twins and the twins walk the streets. Wanda's making the boys give back all the candy they stole. She says Pietro is a bad influence. He says "I'm just trying to do my part, kay? Come to town unexpectedly, create tension with the brother-in-law, stir up trouble with the rugrats, and ultimately give you grief. I mean, that's what you wanted, isn't it?"
"What happened to your accent?"
"What happened to yours? Details are fuzzy, man. I got shot like a chump in the street for no reason." AHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHA! no really AHAHAHAHAAH! Thank you, Pietro! Holy shit, perfect. That's some delicious shade. I expect to see this gif'd fifteen different ways when I load tumblr today.
"Next thing I know, I heard you calling me. I knew you needed me."
The kids interrupt. And now all of a sudden Tommy can zoom. Character development!
Everyone is so careful to give Wanda what she wants. Why? She's not cruel. Who wants to keep her pacified? And whoever it is cannot possibly be pleased with AD Dick messing things up. Assuming it's an outside or outside-ish force/entity, of course. I mean, I don't think she's doing this entirely, she might be the battery powering it, but despite her thing last episode to get SWORD to leave her alone, she does seem a little confused about the where, why, and how things are going.
"Don't go past Ellis Avenue." Just a kid thing or a boundary of the sitcom control world?
In the real world, our heroes are sneaking through a tent city and into the server room. The scene with Pietro and Wanda discussing his accent is playing in the background. Darcy seems put-out that Pietro was recast. lol. "He brought the wrong face."
Darcy hacks into Hayward's devices. "Hayward figured out a way to look through the boundary." "And he didn't share it with the group." I don't like Hayward.
Something is blipping on the map on the computer. Jimmy asks if it's Wanda, but Darcy says "it's tracking the decay signature of vibranium". So Vision. Monica wants to know why Hayward is tracking Vision. Well, I'd super like to know what SWORD was doing with Vision in the first place, because they weren't just storing him, they were doing something. So …
Jimmy notices that there are other dots, the ones closest to Vision, who are other residents. Jimmy says the ones near the edge of town are barely moving.
Back to Vision. He's found a cul-de-sac to patrol. Everybody's frozen in place, the street lights flicker. Eerie. They're all dressed for Halloween. Does this mean the field is shrinking, or the effects spreading and so it's closing in, slowing and then freezing people who were earlier moving about just fine? Vision is unaffected by this whatever it is. He turns himself into himself and flies off, up above the town. part of the town is dark, and part alive with voices and laughter.
He spots a car at the edge of town. It's Agnes. She seems frozen-ish, but when he asks what she's doing there, she says "Town Square Scare. Where is it?" all robotic like. Vision helpfully tries to give directions. lol. "Took a wrong turn, got lost" she says.
Vision touches her head and she wakes up. "You! You're one of the Avengers. You're Vision. Are you here to help us?" "I am Vision. I do want to help. But, what's an Avenger?"
Hmm. Well, I guess he did say last week that he couldn't remember anything before Westview.
"Am I dead?" she asks. "No, why would you think that?" "Because you are."
What was news coverage after the Snap like, do you suppose? I mean, ridiculous, of course. But, like, I think they had bigger problems then wondering about snapped/dead Avengers, didn't they? Well, maybe not. "WHERE ARE AVENGERS TO HELP US?" or "HOW DARE THE AVENGERS NOT HELP US!" "TOTALLY THIS IS ON THE AVENGERS!" "WE'D ALL BE DEAD WITHOUT THE AVENGERS!" "NUHUH! BOO AVENGERS!" "EXCEPT VISION WHO DIED HEROICALLY, WE ALL LIKE THAT AVENGER!" "TONY STARK AND PEPPER POTTS SHARE THE DECORATING TIPS THAT TRANSFORMED THEIR RUSTIC RESTORATION PROJECT INTO A CHARMING FAMILY HOME".
Agnes starts screaming "Dead" at Vision. She's not coping well. Vision says he's going to try and reach outside town and try to figure this all out. "How? No one leaves. Wanda won't even let us think about it." I SUSPECT YOU, AGNES! Why would Wanda keep everybody trapped and miserable? I could see if she did it on accident, but this implies she's purposefully hurting people. I don't buy it. Agnes, again, seems to be in the right place at the right time to make Vision doubt Wanda. You're a very suspicious character, Agnes.
She starts to laugh. "All is lost." Vision touches her had and she resets to sitcom Agnes. Somehow she can move again, she turns the car around on Ellis Ave and heads back into town. So, that answers that.
Vision walks across the Eillis Ave to the field beyond.
Meanwhile, Darcy continues to hack. Monica gets a text and says "that's it! My way back into the Hex will be here in an hour." Jimmy's all ready to boost a ride to take her to meet her aerospace buddy. But, Darcy says, nope. Can't do it. Monica's been through the Hex twice, and it's rewritten her cells. "It's changing you." Monica is undaunted. "I know what Wanda's feeling and I won't stop until I help her." Alrighty then.
Jimmy's finally going to get to hotwire a car! But wait, Darcy's not going with them. AD Dick has something hidden behind one last firewall. Darcy thinks it's big and can help them. She's going to find it.
I don't think Jimmy had to hotwire that humvee. It just started right up. Motorpool, pfft - they always leave the keys.
Back in Westview. Halloween continues at Town Square. Pietro asks Wanda where she was hiding all those kids. Whu? Says Wanda. "I assume they were all just sleeping peacefully in their beds. No need to traumatize beyond the occasional holiday cameo, amiright?" What is Pietro. "Hey don't get me wrong, you've handled the ethical considerations of this scenario as best you could. Families and couples stay together. Most personalities aren't far from what's underneath. People got better jobs. Better haircuts for sure."
"You don't think it's wrong?"
"Are you kidding me? I'm impressed. It's a pretty big leap from giving people nightmares and shooting red wigglywoos out your hands." No, really, what is Pietro? "How'd you even do all this?" Hmmm.
"I don't know how I did it. I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. Just endless nothingness." She looks back at Pietro and for a second he's dead Pietro. Poor Wanda.
Darcy continues to hack Hayward's systems. Cataract classified weapons something something. They're still tracking Vision. Who continues his walk across the field and comes to the hex. He tries to push through it. Looks painful. SWORD rolls out to go overreact at him. He makes it through the barrier, kind of. It's a struggle.
Hayward standing there looking like a jackass "he really does want out, doesn't he?" Like he’s just amused by this turn of events, or watching a lab rat try to get out of the lab.
Darcy's standing behind watching all of this. Bits of Vision sort of fly off and back into the Hex. Darcy says "oh no!" and runs towards him, screaming for them to help him. Way to give away your sneaky hiding, girlfriend.
In Westview. Billy looks up, he can hear what's going on outside. "I hear daddy in my head. He's in trouble."
Vision calls for help, while SWORD prioritizes arresting Darcy. Phil Coulson would never have behaved like this. Boo to SWORD. Vision is dissolving. It's kind of gross and sad.
Wanda asks where Vision is, and Pietro interrupts "Don't sweat it, sis. It's not like your dead husband can die twice." Wanda wallops him with some red wigglywoos.
Billy sees soldiers and thinks Vision is dying. Wanda stops everything and makes a big red boom. The Hex appears to be expanding. Whoops, now you've done it AD Dick. He runs away like the brave brave guy he is. They leave Darcy handcuffed to a jeep. "Are you serious right now?"
The Hex overtakes Vision and then Darcy. Trapped soldiers become clowns, and we're in the circus. Well, SWORD seems like a circus, so Wanda's not wrong. I'm pretty sure Jimmy and Monica made it, but sadly the bravest Director who ever braved also escaped. He deserved to be a circus clown. Better luck next week, Wanda.
Credits.
Well, I just don't know anymore.
Hayward doesn't care about Wanda, except where I think because of this someone will figure out what he was doing to Vision's body. And Vision is ultimately the thing he cares about in all this. I hope Wanda drops a house on him.
Hmmm.
Quit suggesting I watch Age of Ultron next, Disney. It’s not happening.
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A Little Bit of Your Time
Dealing with anxiety isn’t easy on your own, but when you got a centuries old vampire with pockets filled with wisdom and an addiction to pizza, it becomes a little bit more bearable.
•••
Outside of the world, I wondered what existed. From where I stood, I could see most of the moon – half-lidded, as if on a drunken stupor – but so little of the stars. I was aware they freckled the universe, dusting it in moonshine wonder, similar to the face of a friend I used to have.
And then, the galaxies… the planets, the supernovas, the eternal expansion of atoms that stretch this blank void of darkness we call the universe like a rubber band? It all seemed so ambiguous for something that has existed for millions of eons… and I felt so small, and lost, and confused half of the time. Like an ant who had no sense of direction, who lost its colony.
I suppose that’s what made me human. I guess it was human of me to simultaneously feel timeless and insignificant, and there’s no explanation to that inexplicable sensation anyway. I just felt… like that small speck of dust beside Orion’s Belt. A detail in the grand scheme. Just a person in billions. Just an organism in a little green and blue planet beside this enormous ball of floating, fire-hazardous gasses millions of kilometers away.
“What’s got ya’ burning holes into the wall?”
A familiar, modulated voice breaks the silence and Riven’s face clears into view. I remember it’s not the first time he’s caught me spaced-out in my plant-cramped balcony, and I flush. But his eyes are kind and sort-of filled with mirth; it makes me smile.
“I kind of hate the color,” I say.
“Eh,” he narrows his eye at the shade of shit brown (that I actually do hate), “it matches your hair.”
I snort, flipping him off, but we laugh and settle into comfortable silence. His presence always leaves me speechless. There was something about him, besides his clear other-worldly appearance because of his vampiric nature, that left me at loss. I always had so many questions, so much wonder – I wanted to know more about him, but I just never knew how to ask.
I settled for the nights we would stumble upon each other outside and share a conversation or two about our lives and idle things. As a vampire, he lived a reclusive life inside his home and so did I, except I wasn’t vampire but a sad life-ridden shell of anxiety.
“Well, not to pry, but the night is young and if you want to talk about it, I have a lot of time to spare.” He shrugs, “I have centuries of it, in fact.”
“Oh man,” I blow out air and deflate in my rocking chair. Of course I’d tell him anything if he asked. But I wasn’t sure where to start. “I guess I’m just going through that age-old case of existentialism. I mean, I don’t know… the world scares me, you know? And then there’s this thing called the void that I’m quite literally staring down into and I’m just supposed to act like the tax fraud is on my list of one of the biggest things to worry about. Which it probably isn’t, I worry about a lot of things, but you know, there’s just so much out there and I don’t even know 1% of it.”
When I’m done, Riven is not taken-aback by my sudden ramble. In fact, I’m sure he’s used to it, but I still apologize and rest my forehead on the cool metal of the railing. I hated feeling frustrated but also mystified over something that hardly mattered.
I was venting to a vampire that lived off greasy pizzas, but talked as if he was a member of a high society in the 1800s because he quite literally has lived for an imaginable amount of centuries. I was well aware that the universe and my problems didn’t matter. Everything was insane. Life was insane. Period.
“You know,” Riven started, “there’s no use in thinking too much about it.”
“About what?”
“About the world, the universe. After a few decades, you start to realize how useless it is worrying too much about something that can’t be controlled. Life is here, before your eyes and hands, but that thing,” he points upwards, “that thing is trivial. The city is alive and you’re alive and you’re young. The world is a mystery, yes, and is it it terrifying? Perhaps, if you want it to be.”
I blink at him.
“I cannot phrase what immortality has done to me,” he says, “I cannot articulate the loneliness, the happiness, the devastation and total despair that this condition has caused me – it is unlike anything human and tangible. It is inexplicably painful because I have to carry the burden of memories. Of remembering you after you’re long gone. Of living in worlds that differ much from the one I was born in.” He pauses, as if to think and let me rest on what he just said. Then, “Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is: do not think too much about it. Life moves unexplainably, no one can put a name to it, not even me, not even the oldest Elder of Gods can understand it sometimes. So, you don’t either. You are here. Enjoy the damn breeze, you stupid human, is what I’m saying.”
I have… I wanted to say a lot and nothing at the same time. But mostly, I stared at Riven. His soft eyes had hardened at some point during his heated speech, and when he caught onto my unwavering stare, it was his turn to blush.
“Sorry?”
I smiled, shaking my head. Because, for the first time in years, I felt a little less eaten up by terror. I wanted to reach over and smash myself against his chest, but alas, we were separated by a metal railing and a hefty distance.
“Thank you. I needed that,” I said. I wish I had something as important to say, but I didn’t. Instead, I thought and thought over what he said and I imagined just how much he’s lived through.
It made me all the more curious. And all the less scared, for some weird reason. I mean, I still felt the paranoia, the general anxiety of… life and people, but it was a little less loud when I remembered Riven.
•••
Author’s Note
Ok, hi! It’s less than perfect, FAR FROM GOOD EVEN, because I’m so unused to finishing a chapter let alone fleshing out a half-decent story, but here I am. I tried, and I kind of like it? Although it’s a mess. I’m a whore for comfort/hurt stories and a nice burn of friends to lovers. I’ll see where this takes me for now.
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“China virus” is not a racial slur. Just cause you are anti-trump doesn’t make it one. You are just part of cancel culture and it’s gross that you would 1. Listen to someone who tattles on a member for saying something on their personal blog. And 2. You went on their blog in hunt of other “offensive” things. I know personally that said member is not racist or anything else that is so demeaning for you to say. Just cause your political views are different does not mean hate is required. The “I don’t like it- get rid of it” mentality of today’s society is getting out of hand. Pretty sure we could find offensive garbage on every members blog if we looked hard enough. I know I’m offended by all the nasty porn filled degrading garbage most writers put out, but I am mature enough to just scroll past. I’m sure my opening sentence offended you enough that you won’t read the rest of this... I await your hate filled response.
Sorry for the late reply, Nonnie. We wanted to make sure we were polite and respectful with our response.
1. ““China virus” is not a racial slur.”
Psychology Today and National Geographic disagree.
Reference to Covid19 as China Flu, China Virus or Kung Flu is a blame tactic and promotes a rhetoric that is harmful to Asian communities within the US and throughout the world. Furthermore, Asian communities the world over have expressed how hurtful this name is and how it engenders hate towards them. We don’t get to decide what hurts other people. They do, and they have, and they have told us, and it’s up to us to listen and adjust our behavior accordingly.
The virus has a name that offends no one. Why use the name that hurts people?
2. “Just cause [sic] you are anti-trump [sic] doesn’t make it one.”
Since the member who made the post did not mention who they voted for, it’s hard to argue that this is why we’ve done anything. Furthermore, since none of the admins here have discussed politics on this blog, what evidence do you have of who or what we support politically?
Besides, there’s nothing political about fighting racism, whether that racism is conscious and malicious or not.
3. “You are just part of cancel culture....”
Actually, cancel culture is part of what we’re trying to keep out of the Pond. We are trying to promote positivity, not negativity. Love what you want to love. Shout about that love! Just don’t poop on what someone else loves if you don’t love it, too. That’s all we ask. Be nice to each other.
Cancel culture consists of active campaigns to turn the populace against someone. If you’re going to suggest that we are trying to cancel this person by kicking them out of the Pond, then I have to ask, who told you who it was? We didn’t. If we were on a mission to cancel them, we would have posted the original anon message notifying us of the problem, which included their name. We would have publicly shamed them and incited a riot against them. Instead, we kept their name out of it. There isn’t anything more we could have done to protect them while still addressing the issue.
Everyone has the right to say what they want. Everyone else has the right to not want to listen to it.
4. “[I]t’s gross that you would 1. Listen to someone who tattles on a member for saying something on their personal blog.”
We don’t stalk the blogs of any of our 400+ members. We don’t know what everyone is doing at all times. If someone wants us to address something from another member, they have to tell us it exists. Once we see that it exists, though, we have to act on it, whether we like it or not. It’s not fair to our other members, otherwise.
This was not “tattling”. This was someone coming to us because they didn’t feel comfortable with what they saw, knowing it was against one of our, like, two rules, and letting us know. Listening to them and acting on that concern is our job as admins of the group. Just the appearance of ignoring concerns caused us trouble in the past, because it’s our job to listen and respond.
This is what adults do. It’s why our society has court systems and newspapers. When one person is aggrieved, they tell someone, until something is done to fix it. “Tattling” is a word used by those desperate to stay out of trouble when they know they’ve done something wrong.
5. “ And 2. You went on their blog in hunt of other “offensive” things. “
Actually, we didn’t. The original message we received mentioned the racial slur and insensitive posts supporting anti behavior and either telling people, or using gifs to tell people, “to f**k off”.
We then spent about five minutes scrolling and found exactly what we were told we would find. Definitely not a “hunt”.
6. I know personally that said member is not racist or anything else that is so demeaning for you to say.
We never said they were racist, only that they used a racial slur. Even if the usage is “innocent” --not intended maliciously, but from ignorance-- it still needs to be addressed. We can’t correct our mistakes if we don’t know about them.
7. “Just cause [sic] your political views are different does not mean hate is required. The “I don’t like it- get rid of it” mentality of today’s society is getting out of hand.”
See above re: our political views.
We tried our best not to respond with hate. We tried to calmly inform them, and the rest of the Pond, that using hate speech is not tolerated in the Pond and set forth the consequences. The response we got was disrespectful, at the least, and included cursing.
As for the rest, see above re: cancel culture.
8. “Pretty sure we could find offensive garbage on every members [sic] blog if we looked hard enough.”
And we would hope that, once presented with the fact that they had said something hurtful, they would apologize and promise to be better in the future. Had the person in question done this, we probably would have reconsidered the expulsion.
We don’t want to be the Tumblr police, but we are the Pond police. We ask that our members be nice to everyone, and have, in the past, refused entry to some people who have filled their blogs with ant-whatever rhetoric. Depending on the level of hateful content on their blogs we have gone two ways: Some we have talked to, invited them to take some time to reconsider the content of their reblogs, and to re-apply in a few weeks or months. Some have been allowed entry, but told that we don’t like the hate in their posts, that we would prefer they keep their posts respectful, and to definitely keep it out of the Pond. Basically, they’ve had two choices: stop the hate or don’t be a member. Some have chosen to not be a member. That’s their choice. Those who have chosen to stop posting disrespectful anti-anything posts have joined and complied, to the best of our knowledge.
Our members are an example of who we want the Pond to be. We honestly don’t believe that asking people to respect others on their own blogs is that big of a deal. We’re not asking our members to love what we love or dislike what we dislike. We’re just asking them not to berate or diminish people who love what they dislike. Just don’t be hateful.
9. “I know I’m offended by all the nasty porn filled degrading garbage most writers put out, but I am mature enough to just scroll past.”
GOOD FOR YOU!!! Seriously!! This is exactly how we want our members to act! See something you don’t like? Just keep scrolling! This applies to ships, fics, and respectfully-presented opinions.
This does not apply to racial slurs or hate-filled posts intended to attack, demean, and/or hurt other people.
Using slurs or degrading language to hurt other people is not the same as disliking a ship. It’s a whole different ball of wax, and we will always treat it that way.
We don’t want a member to see something that is posted by another member and be personally HURT by it. We don’t know who sent the original message, but what if they were Chinese? Maybe the reason why they came to us was because one of our members hurt them by using a racial slur against them? We can’t let it stand. We just can’t.
10. “I’m sure my opening sentence offended you enough that you won’t read the rest of this... I await your hate filled response.”
Can’t say we were offended. Convinced that you were wrong, maybe, but not offended. We have tried to keep this as civil and respectful as possible. If anything came across hateful, that was not our intention.
We know you want to defend your friend and their values, which you obviously share. The fact that no one has reported you as having used racial slurs or posted hateful comments on your blog means that you understand where the line is in polite society and have chosen not to cross it. That’s really all we ask.
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Will Wood: the Normal Album Sentence Starters
lines taken from the 2020 album. edit as desired. tw: violence, disordered eating, gender dysphoria, mental illness, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, death
01. Suburbia Overture: Greetings from Mary Bell Township! / (Vampire) Culture / Love Me, Normally
“Trick or treat. Merry Christmas.”
“Howdy neighbor!”
“Thank you Jesus!”
“It don’t look like survival, but buy now or die.”
“You’re not alone.”
“The lights are on, but no one’s home.”
“Takes a village to fake a whole culture.”
“Home is where the heart is- You ain’t homeless, but you’re heartless.”
“It’s the safest on the market.”
“You still gotta watch where you park it.”
“Give me your half-life crisis.”
“I can tell that you know where paradise is.”
“Parasites don’t care what your blood type is.”
“A snowflake only matters in a blizzard.”
“Everyone knows that nobody knows that.”
“Well, word gets around on hit number stations.”
“Smile and wave, boys, kiss the cook, live laugh and love, please pass the pills.”
“It’s only culture. It’s only culture. It’s only culture.”
“Didn’t they want your blood?”
“Why apologize when you turn blue and cold?
“Hey, fuck your culture.”
“Do you know the difference between blazing trails and slash-and-burn?”
“Hey, you’re only mortal.”
02. 2econd 2ight 2eer (well, that was fun, goodbye)
“The devil made me do it, but I also kinda wanted to.”
“Forget bored stiff, I got rigor mortis.”
“My third eye’s open and I like what I see.”
“If you knew what I knew, if you saw what I see- ”
“But I got facts and I’m not afraid to use ‘em.”
“I’m getting better one forever at a time.”
“If sick is defined by what’s different, well then pull the plug out and let me die.”
”Who I am, I choose through all the things I do.”
“If it rhymes, it’s true, but I hate poetry.”
“Well that was fun, goodbye.”
03. Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)
“Have you ever died in a nightmare? Woke up surprised you hadn’t earned your fate?”
“Have you ever felt like Atlas, threw your back out on the axis, and collapsed and threw the planet away?”
“Nobody dies agnostic.”
“Nobody dies agnostic, but we still dial 9-1-1.”
“Am I really that bad?”
“Whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, you’d walk the same damn miles I do.”
“With my head up in the clouds, I can see so much ground.”
“From up here, you look like ants in a row.”
“It doesn’t take a killer to murder. It only takes the reason to kill.”
“The difference twixt fate and free will is whether you’re singing.”
“You wash your hands of where you’ve been until you flood the second floor. Neatly fold your skeletons, but still can’t shut the closet door.”
“The only ones in need of love are those who don’t receive enough.”
“You could break an angel’s fall, and ignore the Devil’s call.”
“It’s a small hell after all.”
“Man, no more than animal, is made of moral chemicals.”
“If you were in my shoes, you’d see I wear the same size as you.”
04. I / Me / Myself
“I’ve been feeling lightheaded since I lost enough weight to fit back in my skin.”
“Am I pretty now?”
“For some reason, I find myself lost in what you think of me.”
“I wish I could be a girl, and that way you’d wish I could be your girlfriend, boyfriend.”
“Am I pretty enough to lie to?”
“Just little old me in a big, big world.”
“I’ve been feeling lighthearted since I gained enough weight back to cover my bones.”
“You’ll be walking out early, but the show must go on.”
“No, I know that I’m wrong. But I love how you’re on my side when I cross that line.”
“It’s been a point of contention between myself and this body that they stuck me in.”
“The privilege of being born to be a man.”
”I am quantum physics; my witness brings me into existence.”
”Am I pretty enough to love back?”
“Am I pretty enough to fucking die?”
“I wish-”
“Don’t you think that there’s a chance that you could live without it?”
05. ...well, better than the alternative
“My daughter’s growing up. She’s gonna be a lot like me, but I don’t wanna be at all like me.”
“I don’t wanna be at all like me.”
“You’re telling me I’m holding up eleven fingers.”
“Stranger things than death can happen.”
“Everybody knows that nobody knows that.”
“Everybody’s in on everybody’s business.”
“This isn’t my first Christmas, I know mistletoe when I see it.”
“Baby, could you play along with me?”
“Baby, would that be alright with you?”
“When we find out what’s wrong with me, could you tell me how I’m right for you?”
“Could you tell me how I’m right for you?”
“Could you tell me if I’m still pretty?”
“If they could see the future back when times were simple...”
“If everyone’s sick, well then, nobody can catch it.”
“Everybody’s all up in my god damn business.”
“This isn’t my first kiss.”
“It’s better to be lost than loved, now, isn’t it?”
“Everybody’s all up in my motherfucking business!”
“This isn’t my first anything.”
“After all of that’s been done to me, could you tell me how, could you tell me how, could you tell me—”
“What’s so wrong about what’s wrong with me?”
“I’m just trying to do what’s right by you!”
06. Outliars and Hyppocrates: a fun fact about apples
“Did you know that the hole in the apple didn’t come from the outside in? It was eaten from the core and out to the skin, and that’s why you’ll never find the worm in it.”
“The disease is defined by its treatment.”
“You people make me sick.”
“Who’d want to be human anyway?”
“Why’d you come into this world or come out that way?”
“Isn’t it funny? Well, not "ha-ha" funny, but y’know, funny.”
“I doubt that you would even if you could change.”
“You think it makes you special, but it makes you strange.”
“The things that make you special are the things that make you strange.”
“I am the shadows cast aside by gallows, and you the red-hot sky.”
“And if you’re believers, then why would you grieve for the dead, instead of a devil that you never prayed for?”
“Too weird to love, too scared to die. Too alien to take you home.”
“Who’d want to belong to anyone?”
“I mean, what do people even do?”
“If you love me, let me let you go.”
“Five more minutes, please? You wouldn’t believe the dream I just had.”
07. Black Box Warrior - OKULTRA
“Bless the torpedoes!”
“For what? For what??”
“For what it’s worth, if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now.”
“There’s no more looking back, it’s looking up or looking down.”
“Wonder if Christ-Consciousness would charge a cancellation fee.”
“Auf wiedersehn! Au revoir!”
“Hello, welcome. Why don’t you take a seat? Get comfortable, relax, take a second if you need to.”
“Now, what’s bothering you?”
“Well, why don’t we start at the beginning?”
“Growing up, how was your relationship with the fundamentals of conscious existence?”
“Did you die before your day?”
“You got a better idea? It’s about the best we could come up with.”
“What, you think ideas spread because they’re good? No, they spread because people like them.”
“So here we are once again. Holding, as it were, a mirror up to your mirror.”
“I guess it’s just something people do!”
“You learn to be an animal instead.”
“I never did think you better than this.”
“It’s you who are the problem. Not the things you do, but something sick inside.”
“Boy, you really is defective.”
“Offer up your innocence, please ignore the side effects.”
“You’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine!”
“Why would you want to look back? I mean, it’s no good looking back. So try to look forward now.”
“For what it’s worth, if they were gonna get you boy, they would have by now.”
08. Marsha, Thankk You for the Dialectics, but I Need You to Leave.
“They could prescribe you any illness you’d like if you define the terms of your ailments.”
“A crow don’t know the smell of carbon monoxide.”
“How many years have you been on that couch?”
“Your draw a line in the sand where it ends and you begin, but the tide rolls in, so who knows?”
“A little identity never hurt nobody, but lately you’ve been focusing too much on yourself.”
“How many milligrams of you are still left in there?”
“Back in my day, we didn’t need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists. We just drank ourselves to death. And god damn it, we liked it!”
“What’s a symptom, what’s a flaw, can it be both?”
“Well, I suppose that’s an answer.”
“Would you give up your humanity for just a touch of sanity?”
“They’ve discovered a cure for the symptoms of being alive. It’s a painless procedure with a low rate of failure, but very few patients survive.”
“And a little conformity never hurt nobody, but lately I’ve been worried that you’re losing yourself.”
“What’s my prognosis?”
“Disease is in the eye of the beholder.”
“Tell me ‘so it goes.’”
“Better safe than sorry, and we both know the danger.”
“So doctor, could you run another test?”
“If our harmonies don’t sync, we can change our voices.”
“Don’t heed no evil wills of moral nihilists.”
“Don’t you make me waste my breath.”
“GOD DAMN IT!”
“Does aspirin kill you with the pain?“
“You’re not your thoughts, you’re not your brain, you’re just the character you’ve made.”
“What seem like separate body parts come together to believe they’re you, and not just chemistry.”
“It’s not the way that you were raised, or what the advertisements say.”
“It’s not what you pay for, what you pray for, what you want, or what you say.”
“Something tells me that you need, forgive me now if I misspeak--”
“Something tells me you prefer to be sitting there flipping through those old issues of People.”
“Well, that’s our time. See you next week.”
09. Love, Me Normally
“In lipstick on the mirror are the lyrics to my obituary.”
“Crossing my eyes, dot my T’s.”
“I was delivered holding scissors.”
“I live deliberately, I’m a quitter.”
“I never agreed to participate in this game.”
“Won’t follow my dreams, cause they all got me waking up screaming.”
“I’d rather be normal. Yes, so normal.”
“I suggest that we keep this informal.”
“A normal human being wouldn’t need to pretend to be normal.”
“Well, I guess that’s the least that I owe ya.”
“C’mon, c’mon, and love me normally.”
“If I could live in third person, well, I don’t think life would be much worse than it is.”
“Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious?”
“It may just be a cold. And besides, I don’t wanna get old.”
“I drank myself to death to be the afterlife of the party.”
“When the afterparty came, I was rolling in my grave.”
“Now, this is the part of the song where I talk to my audience.”
“There’s something I want from you hepcats tonight.”
“I want you to look to your left. Look to your right. Your twelve o’clock, three o’clock, six o’clock, nine o’clock, rock around the clock tonight–”
“I want you to find those points of no return, those singularities, those burning rings of fire in the beautiful pupils and the beautiful eyes of the beautiful boy, girl, neither, both, or in-between that you brought with you tonight. And I want you to tell ’em how you really feel!”
“Jam that square peg in the round hole in their hearts!”
“You love them exactly the way that everybody else is.”
“I was nothing before, so I couldn’t have asked to be born. I’ll be nothing again, so what am I between now and then?”
“Is there nothing to fear? Cause shit’s getting weird.”
“So to God who made this man: you better have one hell of a plan.”
10. Memento Mori: the most important thing
“If you’re lucky you’ll be surrounded by the ones that you love, when the lights in your eyes fade and life flashes by.
“One day you’re going to die.”
“Heaven, hell, nirvana, nothing, no one knows how it ends.”
“Rest in peace— or pieces.”
“Read your horoscopes, your palms and tarot cards. But either way your destination ain’t very far.”
“You could drown, or choke, or burn, or be hit by a car.”
“What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, but something will eventually.”
“One day you’ll look back at the life that you lead. No more future left to fear that you’ll have the past to regret.”
“But your worries will be over if you truly realize— one day you’re going to die!”
“Take it away, hands!”
“In the fabric of time and in the vastness of space, a billion amounts to nothing in infinity’s face.”
“Your life never mattered, so who cares if it's a waste?”
“Well, one day you’ll be not even a faint memory.”
“You’ll never know what it all means.”
“Just keep this in mind: that everything and everyone goes with the passage of time.”
“No need to fear, ’cause when it’s here, you won’t be alive.”
“Try not to think about it!”
“So if you only have one chance, you oughta try your best to live as you like.”
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Yknow i shit on fo3 a LOT (rightfully so to be fair is a fucking mess) but its still my favirote fallout game
So a shout out to the thing in the game that I DO like
Lone wanderers dad is a good man i like him a lot
The lone wanderers story is very cool i genuinely like it a lot, its not as intertwined with all of the world like the couriers is but its simple connection tk your dad who was is very neat. This story of legacy and sacrifice
The lyon pride, while I still have complaints about how this group was like executed in the game i think it has a lot of potential! I think something very interesting could have come from it if fo3 didn't feel so half done. AND i think fo4 with is BoS leg humpy behavior they rEALLY could have pulled from fo3 story but they don't and it feels so week I have so much to say in how they could have done the BoS in fo4 but that's a long rant for another day
Elder lyons and Sarah Lyons while still have the same general issues I have this the pride I still like them and think their cool
Star paladin!! My fuckin God mother who none of the fandom even tries to remember exist??? The only time I see people remembering she exist is to fuckin whitewash her and make her young and sexy for mods >:(
Sierra petrovita! What a fucking gem, a crazy queen I love her and her nuka cola aesthetic she knows what she likes!
Buttercup the first bi girl to ever exist i love her
Red from big town also i love her that is my friend
The family, they were dumb and coulsa been way cooler buT the fact there sure were a cult of people who clearly gained health from drinking blood living in the sewers is very very funny. Just some fucking vampires in the sewers
The metro, I know the trains suck to navigate but you KNOW while your down their its just kinda cozy and fun to be down there
Charon, yes another thing of fo3 that feels like it just isn't finished and could be more but I do know we all love Charon
In general all of the underworld was very neat and characters in there like charon, snowflake and gobs moms! Love it
Gob!! Once again its a place in the game that feels like it could flesh out more but :/ guess ill die!
The republic of Dave, fuck Dave im the king of his fyckin funny civilization
That one randomly spawning group of hockey players who basically had diamond city's idea of baseball being a blood sport but for hockey which, very funny orginal kings
Butch deloria, he is very funny and I love him very much. Absolutly all I love, goofy grease who's gang consist of like 2-3 people and their all cowards. Also butch is the only companion in the game it feels like you sorta actually have companion quest with.
Point lookout, I think that dlc is VERY fun. I like the feel of it and it has neat stuff. Plus the cult shit which let's you do stuff in the dlc area AND in the main game area.
Mother ship zeta dlc was boring as shit BUT very specifically the abominations scream pointing at me very funny. Very funny alien abduction. But beside that kinda not a good dlc
The pitts, while again ough problems. Playing as a good person and getting to absolutly kill the shit outta the slavers and take their baby and baby is yours now is very fun. Ans those funny horrible creatures running around while you collect iron
I personally find it funny that the timeline decided that the lone wanderer did all of their shit in a years time. Just seems funny compared to the other main characters who like the sole, spends years looking for their son. And the lone wanderer restore project purity and the distribution of clean water to the wasteland
The antagonist and mechanist started in f3 and are so funny like? Their just?? Fuckin weirdos ruining everyone's day and have?? Super powers (ar least one of them?) Like?? Their just making today bad for local citizens as they fucking best the shit out of each other with robots and ants?
The Harkness quest was so neat and was literally this bridge into the fo4 story yet the institution is literally nothing AND they don't bring up hid nor hair of Harkness??? WhY isn't he mentioned in any way??? Anyways I love harkness thats my friend
All of little lamplight and big town. Little lamplight are my children I care about them their all terrible and have cute names dogs. And big town fuckin makes me so sad those are my friends
Your cute lil house in Megatron that you get to customize (barely and i wish their was better options but still)
Deputy slimm is a friend
MORIA BROWN my friend and crazy aunt moria brown? I love her very much
AHHHA I ALMOST FORGOT THREE DOG. Literally one of the best parts of the games, hes the best radio host! And yall sleep on him! I honestly love him more that mr. New Vegas tbh,,, he's just so good and im always sad thinkin about how his voice actor was wanting to return to the role for fo4 but they diiidnt like cowards
Theres other things im sure but these are like top of my head favirote fo3 shit
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