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litcest · 3 months

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The Book of Cold Cases, by Simone St. James

A while back I reblogged a post that said "guy who only thinks about incest seeing anything else: getting a lot of incest vibes from this…". This me. I'm guy.

There was I reading the latest thriller I had bought, The Book of Cold Cases, which follows a true crime blogger (I'm a huge true crime fan) as she tries to solve a two murders that had happened years before in her home town. The novel, written by Simone St. James and published in 2022, turned out not to be what I expected (spoiler: there's a ghost who haunts it's killer), but as I read, I couldn't stop getting those ~incest vibes~ from Beth and her half-sister. So I decided to post about the book!

Like I mentioned, the story centers around Shea, but I'll put her on the backburned for this post. Instead, I'll take you to to November 1960, when the young Beth Greer, deuteragonist of The Book of Cold Cases but protagonist in my post, was only six years old.

Beth came from a rich family, daughter of Mariana and Julian Greer, and, other than familiar love, she had everything she wished for. Lonely in her big house, one day at night she hears a noise outside and when she goes to spy on it, there are footprints in the lawn and, in the frosty windows, carefully written in block letters, there's a message: I WAS HERE. Underneath it, Beth writes her response: COME IN.

A month pass and around Christmas, Beth receives a surprise, her 'cousin', Lilian has come to visit. Just two years older than Beth herself, Lily was beautiful, with pale blond hair like Mariana's, while Beth had inherited Julian's red hair.

"Beth stared in shock. She didn’t have a cousin Lillian; she didn’t have any cousins at all. Her father was an only child—hence the large inheritance —and her mother had a sister who was dead. Lillian was Beth’s middle name."

Despite not buying the 'cousin' story, Beth doesn't questions her mother, especially when Mariana tells her that Lily will be staying during Christmas break and Beth will "have a little playmate. Two sweet, matching girls". Having no friends at school, Beth latches eagerly at the idea of a friend.

"Beth’s heart was pumping hard in her chest. This was wonderful and terrible at the same time. It was going to be a nightmare, and it was also going to be the best thing that ever happened to her. She knew that already. Her life was starting."

The two begin to play and, upon Beth telling Lily how she was bullied in school, Lily decides she'll teach Beth on how to make others afraid of her, something Lily has already learned. In conversation, Beth also learns that Lily was the one who had been in the lawn a month prior:

"Sometimes I imagine things that aren’t real. But you saw me that night, and I saw you. You told me to come in. [...] And here I am. Now we can be sisters."

Julian, angry at Lily's presence, leaves the house. And then, Mariana, who is an alcoholic, also goes to spend time with friends, leaving Lily and Beth alone in the big manor. The girls play together, watch tv and eat cookies for three days, having the best time ever. When Julian returns, he immediately tells Lily to leave, and she returns to her foster family.

It becomes a routine. Every year, on Christmas, Lily comes to the Greer Manor, Julian (and sometimes Mariana) leaves, and Beth and Lily have all the fun they want to. They girls grow older and Beth starts to eagerly wait for the holidays, since Lily was her only friend ever. When Beth's ten, she finally asks Lily is they are sisters, which Lily confirms: they are half-sisters, through Mariana, with Lily the result of a pre-marital sexual encounter that Mariana had. (Although Lily believes that her conception was due to a rape, the book never clarifies whether that's true or not).

"She needed Lily. Just like she needed Julian and Mariana. Beth had to get through another day, and another year, and she needed all three of them to get there. But she needed Lily most of all."

During the girls' teenage years, Lily teaches Beth what sex is, and how to flirt (even with other girls, as the book makes notice). It's just a brief mention, but fact that Lily teaches Beth to identify sapphic girls and how to manipulate them to her favour had my ~incest senses~ flagging up. Later it'll become more explicit, but Lily has a deep-rooted hatred towards men. I believe Lily to be a lesbian. And whether she was attracted to Beth or not, I think she was trying to gauge Beth's reaction to it.

As Lily starts to age in the foster system, her live becomes harder, and in the Christmas of 1968, she arrives in the Greer household with visible bruises. And while Beth doesn't put it past her sister to fake those injuries, she thinks that they are the result of abuse in the foster house. That year also marks the year of the first of the many tragedies that will surround Beth: the disappearance of David, a groundskeeper. Instinctively, Beth knows Lily had something to do with it, but stays quiet.

In December 1969, Lily tells Beth that "bad things" have happened to the family that was fostering her, and Beth wonders if Lily had been the one to cause the bad things. They talk about their future, and Lily warns Beth that if she does nothing, Beth will end up marrying a rich guy and being as unhappy as Mariana. The girls fight as Lily tells Beth that soon she'll marry and forget her. Beth reassures Lily that it isn't true. This fight sounds so much like a lover's quarrel. In this conversation, Lily also mentions wanting to do something bad, and how women should go on clocktowers.

At the time, Beth thinks nothing of this, but later she learns that Lily had been referring to a mass shooter who had gone up a clocktower and took aim there.

Next year, Lily is not invited to Christmas, having turned 18 and no longer being a 'child in need'. Beth is forced to go to a party, where she meets Gray, the man the quickly learns that her parents wants her to marry. Realising Lily had been right about Beth's future being all set up, Beth panics.

"She wondered if she could find Lily. She could tell Lily this was happening to her . . . And then what? What did she think Lily would do? Swoop in and save her?"

After some searching, Beth finds out where Lily is living now and sends a letter to her sister, begging for help. Lily doesn't responds, but does send letters asking for money, which Beth obliges (unbeknown to Beth, Lily was also blackmailing Julian to send her money). Years later, while talking to Shea, Beth theorizes that Lily had left a trail of bodies whenever she went during those years.

Either way, the sisters don't see each other for three years. Then, in 1973, Julian is found dead in the kitchen. Shot in the face by an intruder. Beth has no doubts: it was Lily. She knew what her sister was capable off and had done nothing to stop her.

With Julian dead, the engagement to Gray falls apart, much to Beth's relief. Lily, desperate for money, tries to blackmail the family's lawyer, but he refuses to pay her out. With no other choice, Lily turns to Mariana.

For a while, Mariana, Lily and Beth live in the Greer manor together. But the three woman are all drunks and Lily and Mariana both take pills too. The result is a chaotic home life, full of fights. By 1975, Lily has left permanently, having found out the identity of her birth father and gone to kill him. One night, Mariana, still filled of remorse for abandoning Lily, tries to go find her, but crashes her car and die. Beth blames herself, for having watched Mariana stumbling out of the house with the car keys on hand and done nothing to stop her mother.

In 1977 Lily returns. She announces her arrival not by a phone call, but by killing a man in town and leaving a note which said: "Am I bitter or am I sweet? Ladies can be either", in reference to a story Mariana had told the girls during some Christmas. In an attempt to stop another killing, Beth starts driving around the down at night, looking for Lily. When she finds her sister, it's too late: Lily has killed another man while Beth was trailing her. Very unluckily, Beth is seen on the scene of the crime by a witness.

From there, things go downhill to Beth. She's interviewed by the cops, but denies any involvement in the killings. Still, she didn't have an alibi and is viewed with suspicion. Despite that, Beth refuses to say anything about Lily, and having no evidence against her, the cops let her go.

A while later, in her manor, Beth gets a taunting call from Lily, who tells Beth that the cops got an arrest warrant and are coming to get her.

"She knew what voice would be on the other end, even though she hadn’t heard it in two years. The voice she’d been searching for. The voice she hated. [...] 'I hate you,' Beth said, her throat choking and her eyes burning with unshed tears. 'No, you don’t,' Lily said. 'You really don’t.'"

Just Lily warned, the cops arrest Beth and take her to jail, where she is to wait trial. The whole time, she still refuses to talk, protecting her sister.

"Detective Black wanted to help her, yes. But he also wanted to solve this case. He wanted to be the one to uncover the truth. He wanted justice. He wanted Lily. No. No one got to have Lily. No one except Beth."

No one got to have Lily. No one except Beth. Could it be more homoerotic??? I'm sorry, but Lily literally framed Beth for murder and Beth is still protecting and lusting for her.

Beth receives a jail call from Lily, who asks if the jail is "full of dykes". Why Lily, are you jealous thinking of Beth with another woman? Lily and Beth make a deal that, once Beth is out of jail, she will Lily a good amount of money for her to away forever.

In her cell, alone with her thoughts, Beth eventually realises that there's just one way to stop Lily from killing again, and it was by killing Lily herself.

"Did Beth love Lily? Maybe. But her feelings for Lily were too much like her feelings toward herself. Hate, pity, fear—and anger. So much anger. And Lily . . . She wasn’t sure Lily knew how to love anyone."

The trial comes and Beth is declared not guilty doe to lack of evidence and she returns home. When she arrives in the Greer Manor, Lily is there waiting for her, having seemingly moved in while Beth was in jail. Lily than tells Beth that this is her price: the house. When Beth asks where she would live then, Lily replies that she wants Beth to continue living in the house with her, that it could be just like those Christmas alone.

"'We’re sisters,' Lily said. 'Two halves of the same person.'"

Beth pretend to agree to those terms and Lily goes to take a bath. When Lily is with her back turned to Beth, Beth hits her sister with a heavy ash tray. The blow doesn't kill Lily, so Beth drags her to the bathroom and draws her in the tub that Lily had been preparing.

With Lily now dead, Beth throws her body from the cliff the Manor sits on, letting her sister fall on the lake. Years later, in 2017, the body would finally be found and the identity would stay unknown until Shea brought to light all that she learned about Lily.

However, despite Lily dying in 1978, she remains a constant presence in Beth's life. Lily becomes a vengeful ghost who haunts the Greer Manor at night and prevents Beth for ever leaving.

Since Beth has no friends or ever attempts to date, she spends decades alone in her house with only her sister's ghost as company, until Shea comes in and decides to solve the Lady Killer case. Which I think is kinda romantic is a messed up way.

So that's the story of Beth and Lily. I didn't like that the book had a paranormal element to it, since I had not expected that and I hate when books that are not advertised as being supernatural turn out to be. The investigative part of the book is very weak but I think Beth's and Lily's relationship is wonderfully complex. I just wish Lily hadn't become a ghost, you know? (But, if it wasn't for the ghost, Shea would never have figured out the mystery. Not, literally. Lily's ghost tells Shea all that she needs to know to solve the Lady Killer case).

#the book of cold cases #simone st. james #sisters #sibcest #non canon #book review #beth and lily

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lovelufian · 11 months

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There's a woman in my nightmares chasing me for over a decade now, and as I get older it gets more aggressive.

Late Halloween story? I hope.

When I was in my pre-teen years I get a nightmare of something chasing me from time to time. I would see my body sleeping on the bed, I'll try to go back to it and then there'd be a shadow trying to pull me to the bottom of the bed. I ignored these thinking I might just be stressed in school and stuff, or too much horror movies.

It all began from there. From time to time I'd dream of being chased by something and I never get to wake up until I fully escape it. Sometimes I have to force myself to wake up even when sleep is heavily pulling my eyes close. I already experienced having a nightmare of having sleep paralysis several times. Yes, a nightmare of me having sleep paralysis, when I have never even known that such thing exists yet. I thought it was just because of too much stress too, so I moved on from it when we moved houses.

Eventually I found that the "it" I was pertaining to is a woman, taking different forms. It used to take a form of a man I know in real life, then a male character I made, but eventually it only took a form of a woman. And in each time, it only tries to never let me wake up. Running after me with a knife, haunting me as a ghost in a place I don't even know, trying to charm me to come with it to a very dark place, it all did it, and everytime it happens I have to gather all my strength to wake up, as my whole body will start forcing me to remain heavily asleep in the process.

I stopped regularly watching horror movies and shows thinking it might be causing me stress and nightmares, took all the relaxing exercises I can, drank a lot of water, ate healthy, slept properly. Recently when I watched a movie again once with my cousin (A movie I already watched so I was prepared and calm about it), I saw the woman on my ceiling while my whole family is asleep. No I'm not alone in my room, I was with my dog, mom and aunt. But time seemed to stop as I saw that woman and I was not able to sleep until my dog moved. I avoided looking at the ceiling after that. Note that I went to bed on time at that night too and even had a laugh with my cousin during the movie-watching. And I was doing really healthy.

Then yesterday was my birthday. I forgot about that woman again, I did my best. I enjoyed the celebration then had to stay late because I ate a lot and had to let the food down. I never watched horror or anything of the sort. I cried a bit from a conversation but made sure to light my mood back and up again after that. Stressed was not in my mind. Then when sleepiness took over me I went to bed.

Then I dreamt about that woman again. "Dreamception'", a dream in a dream. When I woke up from a nightmare of the woman I thought I was safe, but I was in a very dark house though there are lights coming from the street where that house is. I immediately ran to my parents and they were outside, then I realized that the woman is still chasing me. However when it was about to reach me, a black boar or dog-seeming creature came out of the dark and attacked it. I escaped the "house" with my "parents" (these people in my nightmare eventually felt like strangers), and we all rode an old wagon together then I forced myself to wake up. I was in a sleepy state until the afternoon because of it. Then I slept again. I knew I had to sleep or else I'd be sleepy enough to injure myself like the last time. Yeah I have already injured myself by sleepily walking back and forth, as I forced myself awake at the time too.

Then I was in the dark place again. Like the mixture of the two places in the first dream. And that woman was there. The she caged me in a dark place, and I can feel her going for my body for some reason. I felt my eyes open slowly, but I closed it again because it feels like it would be her in my body and not me. When I closed my eyes I found myself inside the cage's barrier that she made. I did everything I could to escape the cage, but when I opened my eyes after doing so, my body started going heavy and forcing me back to sleep. I pushed myself to remain awake until I fully woke up and immediately stood up to walk to my phone (I charged it near my pc before going to sleep). The dream felt like half a day. I only slept for an hour.

I'm writing this kinda scared for my life. I don't know who that woman is. It's been over a decade and I might not be able to fight back eventually. I already tried prayers when I saw her in my ceiling and when I dreamt of her this afternoon. Both didn't work. I can feel she's getting more and more aggressive the more I get older and gets to wake up again everytime. But I'm doing my best. I'll fight her off as long as I can and wake up as many times as I could.

#nightmares #tw nightmares #truestory

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thebandcampdiaries · 1 year

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An interview with Nic Nassuet

We had the opportunity to ask singer-songwriter Nic Nassuet a few question. Keep reading, as he explores his unique way to combine punk with folk and dark aesthetics!

“Your music has been described as a unique blend of dark and haunting aesthetics combined with folk roots. How did you come up with this distinctive style, and what inspires you to create such genreblending music?” Great question. The short answer is that I didn’t come up with anything. I didn’t even know that I could write music, but sometimes things show up in my head and emit this almost inaudible neonatal cry to come into being. I hear songs in my dreams, mostly, but I also hear them throughout the day at random. I have to stop and hum them into my phone then figure out what instruments they are and how to play them later.

“She Rides Moonlight” is a good example. I had never even touched a mandolin before but ordered one because that’s what the voice said to do. When it arrived it was in tune and “She Rides Moonlight” immediately came out of my hands as I unboxed it. That’s what the music wanted. It needed a mandolin to make that song come through me even though I don’t know the first thing about the instrument. I don’t know where it comes from. Sometimes it can remain silent for years. Those can be dark years… “Could you tell us about the creative process behind your track 'Pact'? What motivated you to explore its particular theme?” Pact just fell out of the guitar one afternoon, and the lyrics flowed from there. During that period lots of things were coming to me. I don’t believe in ghosts, and I don’t disbelieve in them either, but I was sitting on the bed one day doing something on my laptop and a presence, as clear as sunlight, showed up and started singing her story in my head. I wrote down what she sang about being entombed in a stone wall on her wedding day as her mother leapt into the sea out of grief, then I went to the guitar and immediately found the chords. I’ve never played those chords before. I wouldn’t know how to find them if you paid me to. I don’t know notes and chords. That song was “Immured” and it did really well. I hope to re-record and re-release it pretty soon. I have some great Grammy nominated string musicians on board. Pact wasn’t as clear a presence, it was sort of like catching scents in the air. You sit there, and the sounds appear in your mind, and if you relax your critical ear and just accept that it is happening, and listen in a relaxed state, those sounds form words and then you realize the theme of the piece. Sometimes it is a real surprise to me. I can’t sit down and say “I’m going to write a song about this topic,” and have it work. Every single time I have done that it has been just awful. I wish I could do that, like composers do. “Your covers of Misfits classics, like 'Die Die My Darling,' showcase a fusion of punk and folk influences. How did you discover your interest for both genres?-

I’ve always loved the sound of acoustic guitar. My mother used to play and sing for me as a child, and I wanted to be able to do that, too. I’ve never been into folk music, to be honest. I love some of what I hear in that genre, it just isn’t what I put on my playlists. I found my love for punk as a pre-teen. I hated school, and teachers, and the entire concept of being “moulded” by this hallucination called “society” into what someone else thought it was best for me to be. Punk was irreverent back then. The Misfits were especially irreverent. These were themes that I would have been grounded or suspended for discussing at home or in school, yet they were singing them loudly and it sounded like damn good rock and roll! I was hooked. I guess that when you have an angry anti-conformist heart, and an acoustic guitar, this is sort of the end result, LOL. “Your vocals in 'Pact' carry a strong storytelling quality, akin to folk and blues traditions. When writing songs like this, do you come up with the music first or do the lyrics come first?- Thank you. The music almost always arrives first. I hear that, then sometimes I get other parts or pieces of the song later, sometimes months later. Often some vowel sounds, or a phrase of a chorus will come through on the music and then the lyrics kind of build themselves around that. “The connection between 'Pact' and the old House of Blues on Sunset Strip, along with Robert Johnson's legend, is intriguing. Could you delve deeper into the significance of this connection and how it influenced the creation of the song?"- If it had influence over the creation of the song, I don’t know that I should really be talking about it. I didn’t know that the house of blues was made from steel taken from the intersection where Robert Johnson sold his soul. I didn’t even know who Robert Johnson was.. Pact had come to me a few days before that first show at the House of Blues and I was hoping to premiere it to its first audience somewhere cool. We were invited to play in the foundation room at the House of Blues, which was a private club that cost thousands a year to be a member of. I had been there once before on invitation of the owner back when I was an 18 year old private investigator and it was wall to wall celebrities back then. I was excited to return as a musician. It felt really meaningful. I didn’t know that it was the opening night of the Sunset Strip Music Festival, or that the House of Blues was the opening venue for the Festival, so we were surrounded by big names doing professional things and it all came as a total surprise.

Out in front there was a sign that said “This House of Blues is made from steel taken from the intersection where Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil,” or something like that. I took a picture of it that I’ll send to you. The sign, and building are gone now. I had come prepared with a song about soul selling at the crossroads, and that song carries instructions in the Hoodoo tradition if you listen closely to the lyrics. The instructions in the song “Pact” are to take a song with you to the crossroads as an offering to make the deal, and unbeknownst to me I had arrived at the most infamous crossroads in music history on the most devil beloved street in rock music history along with my song-gift. I guess it was prophetic in a way. After that show we ended up taking our first red carpet pictures right where all the big names had been. Over the next few months my dear friend, who was a guitar tech to the biggest names in the industry, said “I’ve never seen any indie artist blow up as big as you did after your first release.” Do you have any plan to tour in support of this release?

I didn’t have any plans for it, but it looks like something is brewing. I’ve got a release party for “Pact” at this awesome spot in Topeka, Kansas called “Two Wolves”. It’s a really groovy art collective that attracts some ridiculously talented musicians. We’re going to throw a fun early Halloween party and bring in some special guests. I was invited to perform at a benefit on October 27th, the Friday before Halloween, and I’m completely blown away by the fact that I just found out that I’m playing a gig with the former singer of the Misfits next month. I haven’t played a show since the Pig and Whistle on Hollywood Boulevard the night before the pandemic shut down all of the venues for a couple of years, so it’s a bit overwhelming. I guess that the music wants a tour and wherever the music leads I have no choice but to follow. Everything collapses and degrades when I ignore the voice, and it seems as though every impossible wish is granted when I listen to it.

Thanks so much for your time and for listening. You do great work.

https://www.instagram.com/nicnassuet/?hl=en

#Spotify

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tlozypaka-tina · 5 years

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#accepted #I'm in the bus on the way to college buuut since I insisted on being mysterious during that last ask i may as well come clean #while hidding in my tags #haha. I'm a genius!#Well. I'll stop beating around the horse. I didn't realize until the end of last year that during my pre-teen period he had became my first #but because puberty sucks- I became a total tsundere about it #and i hate looking back at it because- wow those are some strong reactions for a 12/13 year old #I have it now- but my tsun years still haunt me #it's silly- but now that I'm older I gotta learn to laugh about my younger years instead of dreading them #it's a constant work in progress #but I'll get there #aaaand confesion time is over #if any of y'all tease me I'll do an exagerated gasp

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tealenko · 2 years

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Didn't Have the Heart (Chapter 5)

Chapter 5: Echoes from the Past

Don't let the title fool you, this chapter is 30% fun and 70% angst (sorry guys... but it's ME3, there's no realism if Shepard doesn't go a bit crazy little by little).

By the way, I went a bit mad myself and there's like A TON of references to my previous fics of this saga, especially to Listen Before I Go (Shepard's pre-ME1 story in the Alliance) and Never Have I Ever (Where Shep, Garrus, Vega and Kaidan get mega drunk and say way too many things they shouldn't have).

I'm at that point where all my fics are connected and that's okay, because I'm 100% writing them for myself (well... 90%, if it was 100% they would be in Spanish lol)

Anyways...

Sorry this took me so long. Life happens (You can always check my tumblr to see what I'm writing and if I'm close to post a new chapter)

Summary: Shepard wakes up and has to deal with the consequences of what she did when she got drunk.

Words: 4717 Rating: Teens and up Warnings: language and drinking

Read in AO3 -> [link] Previous Chapter -> [Link] Next Chapter -> [Link]

Through Hell and Back series -> [link]

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“Shepard.”

She hears her name like an echo. A whisper that retumbs through every shadow and fades on the horizon along with the rest of the scenery.

“Live… Be someone…”

Dark trees grow in thousands from her surroundings to infinity, planted through a limbo of trembling shadows and thick fog that makes it impossible to discern if there’s truly an end to the whole scenery.

“...be more.”

The air is so dense that she finds it almost impossible to breathe and think at the same time, feeling like an unknown gravity, way stronger and harsher than the one she’s used to, keeps trying to bring her down to the ground.

“Maybe in another life…”

After a few seconds of disorientation, she starts walking, moment in which the voice becomes louder, clearer and is promptly joined by many more.

“Kalahira…”��

“...”

“Go back and get Alenko.”

“...”

“Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

“...”

She crouches under the overwhelming noise, hugging her legs as she fixes her eyes on the ground in a futile attempt of concentrating on something else than the many voices that haunt her past.

“First time, eh?”

“…”

She freezes in place.

All the other voices are banished away by the appearance of the last one, which sounds so sharp and real that she is almost expecting to find its owner in front of her if her eyes ever dare to leave the ground.

Nevertheless, she keeps her sight still, along with the rest of her body, too afraid of both hearing and not hearing that specific voice ever again if she decides to move in the slightest.

“I trust your gut Dee, choose and I’ll follow.”

She shakes her head a couple of times, too tortured by the memories that are now gathering in her mind but, against her efforts, her attempt to make it all dissapear only makes things worse and, in a matter of seconds, echoes from all the past conversations with her long lost friend, start to fill the air that surrounds her.

“I’m just here because of you.” A tear starts falling slowly, way too unhurried to follow the laws of physics, somehow unaffected by the strange force that’s keeping her down to the ground.

“You already have a plan, don’t you?” She remains still, avoiding any kind of movement to see if that makes it fade away.

It doesn’t.

“Oh, come on Dee! You don’t fool anyone... You love me and you know it!” She can hear the laugh that came along with that sentence almost a decade ago floating around her, and also feel the warm embrace that came right after.

“Wait… That’s why? No… That’s the true meaning of that ring?” Her hand closes instinctively, trying to hold on onto the piece of jewelry that is no longer there. Hasn’t been for years now.

A second tear falls now.

And a third.

And a fourth.

“How about a song?”

Shepard covers her ears with her hands while the tears keep traveling steadily across her face, in a desperate attempt of silencing the voice, with every sentence hurting her more than the one before.

Nevertheless, and despite all her efforts, one last memory makes it all the way through her pain in order to give her the final strike.

“Dee, listen… Please… Do not let me become an anchor.”

Her crying stops dead the moment she hears that, feeling her heart falling apart along with whatever was left of tears and, before she has time to think about it, her body decides to move on its own, quickly redirecting her eyes against her will to search for the source of all those words.

Unfortunately, all she finds after raising her head is the familiar wall of her room, that seems now narrower than ever after her haunting visit to the vast neverending forest.

“What…?”

It takes her a few seconds to be fully awake and come to terms with where she is.

“A dream.” She says after a big sigh, observing all the details of her cabin as her mind returns to the real world. “Another dream…”

She frets about it for a second before all her other worries distract her from this one and, in no time, her head is filled once again with the burden of all of the tasks attached to the title that, for years now, has replaced her true name.

Shepard’s usual routine starts once again but, as she finishes checking her messages on her omni-tool, one remnant teardrop falls onto it, carried along from her dreams into reality.

She looks at it for a second before getting out of bed and, as she clears her face and what’s left of her sorrow on it, she heads to the elevator, trying her best to leave behind in her room, not only the tears, but the forest and the echoes that caused them in the first place.

"EDI, are Garrus or Vega alive right now?"

"If by alive you mean awake, yes. Garrus is in port observation, in his own words: taking a rest from ‘keeping the Normandy afloat’. Which I find to be a deeply inaccurate affirmation, but he insists that: ‘nothing could be more true’."

Shepard laughs a little.

"Thanks EDI."

After taking a deep breath, she presses the elevator panel and heads to the crew deck.

She's resolved to go directly to talk with her friend, before she has time to overthink or question what she wants to tell him.

Nevertheless, a familiar laugher coming from the kitchen area suddenly calls her attention, and she is unable to resist her curiosity, which leads her to lean against the hallway walls as she focuses all her senses in dropping ears in the distant conversation.

"You have to be kidding me…" Kaidan says, way too pleased by the new information he just received. "So… I'm crazy enough to forgive her, eh?"

"That's what she said."

Liara’s voice sounds very happy too, amused, she figures, by his reaction to her news.

"Nah, you just made that up to cheer me up."

"I didn't, I swear."

"Are you sure those were her words?" Kaidan asks again. "That doesn't sound like Shepard."

"I was there, Kaidan… Why are you finding it so hard to believe?"

"I don't know…" There’s a moment of silence, but Shepard doesn't need to see Liara's reaction to understand the look she’s giving him once she hears him laughing as consequence. "Okay, okay. It's just… That I see nothing to forgive.“ He clarifies. ”She did what she had to."

That last statement hits Shepard right in her heart, who suddenly starts to understand how deep the root of her guilt of having to work for Cerberus extends into her being.

"So… You'd choose differently, if given the chance again?"

"No… No, at least I don't think so. Would you?" Kaidan sighs and giggles a little. "She is right. I'm not able to go against my morals and judgment, not even for her."

Liara doesn't add anything to his reply. Shepard can imagine her staring at Kaidan, processing all he said to her with care before she actually forms a new opinion.

"Lucky for me, she says she likes that about me." Kaidan chuckles a little. "Which is ironic if you think about it…"

"What is?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't easy for her… To go against her own wishes in the name of a greater good, and…" Kaidan takes a second to clear his throat. "I guess, that's one of the things that made me fall in love with her in the first place. The fact that she always puts everything and everyone before herself… I mean, to a point.” He laughs again and, this time around, she knows perfectly the reason why. “I can’t count how many times I’ve wished she would take better care of herself…"

Kaidan stops mid sentence and sighs.

"Sorry… I was just thinking out loud." He tells her. "It's just that I… I…”

“Yes?” Liara asks him, giving him all the time he requires to reply.

“I just wish I would’ve seen everything so clearly a year ago."

It’s difficult to pinpoint which one of them is more affected by Kaidan’s last sentence, the two members of the actual conversation, or the one this one is about, who keep listening to them from afar.

"Better late than never…"

"True."

Both of them laugh again and fall silent and, before she has time to process everything they just said, she notices a set of footsteps coming closer to her by the second.

“Hey Lola.” James greets her, appearing out of nowhere and making her jump a little. “Uff, sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Shepard laughs and shakes her head a couple of times.

“No, no… It’s okay. In fact, I wanted to talk to you and your bestie, have a second?”

“My bes… Ah, Scars.” James laughs at her comment. “Yeah, of course, order and I’ll follow.”

“Great then.”

They walk together into the room and find Garrus there, sitting on one of the sofas, telling battle stories to one of the youngest soldiers of the crew.

The turian looks briefly at them before continuing talking, dedicating them a subtle nod as a greeting.

Shepard and Vega don’t even need to talk to know what to do. They just share an amused look and sit on the bar right after, pulling out a couple of beers to drink as they become silent members of the audience and let Garrus continue his stories.

They stay like that for a while. With the Turian sharing his experiences and cracking a joke here and there while everyone else listens and pays attention to everything he has to say.

After almost an hour like this, the young man excuses himself and goes away to resume his duty, leaving the three friends alone in the room.

“So…” Garrus says after a few seconds of awkward silence. “How’s it going, Shepard?”

“Great, surviving.” All of them laugh and relax a little. “How about you?”

“Well, surviving as well.” He replies. “Remind me to never accept anything that comes from Vega.”

“Hey, you asked for it, Scars.”

“And this is your second time falling for it, Garrus…” Shepard ads, joining forces with the leftenant. “I thought by now you would’ve learned your lesson. No wonder you’ve never managed to finish the whole ship’s calibrations… I think we’re asking too much of you.”

Shepard and Vega break into laughter right away, cheering in honor of her teasing by toasting their bottles mid air as they laugh.

“Ahh… I should’ve known better than getting aboard an all human ship.” He says under his breath, or in its turian counterpart, which makes his two friends laugh even more. “This is why you’re here? To make fun of me?”

“No, that’s not it…”

“Lola wants to speak with us, Scars.” James interrupts her, giving a lot of emphasis to the word ‘speak’. “I guess this is when she begs us to keep the whole ‘Alenko deal’ down to ourselves.”

The two of them smile and, to their surprise, so does Shepard, who can’t avoid finding the whole situation somewhat funny.

“No, no… I mean, I’d appreciate it if I could exercise some range of discretion, I’m not gonna lie, but this kind of thing always finds its way out. Would be nice if you tried to avoid discussing it in the open, though.”

“Yeah, you got it Shep.” Garrus says, and James nods right away, both of them reassuring his friend. “We might be a pain in the ass sometime but you can trust us, right Jimmy?”

James starts laughing and nods one more time agreeing with the turian.

“Yep, and we promise to behave a little better too…” He adds, feeling a bit guilty for everything that happened in that room not so long ago. “Or at least we’ll try our best to not corner Alenko and get him drunk.”

The three of them laugh again.

“At least it was an interesting experience…” She adds when she thinks about it. “I have to say I had a great deal of fun.”

A strange silence fills the room before any of them finds the courage to ask what they really want to know but, after a few seconds of hesitation, James finally finds a way to inquire what they’re fearing.

“I really thought you were gonna scold us…” He says with a soft tone of voice. “Isn’t that why you wanted to talk with us?”

“What? No…” She replies right away, feeling now even worse about the whole situation. “No. In fact… I wanted to apologize.”

“A… Apologize?”

Despite all the remorse, Shepard can’t avoid laughing at her friends’ expressions, which have changed from remorse to disbelief in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah. Apologize.” She confirms, after seeing the confusion in their faces. “I could blame the alcohol, which I’m sure was a deciding factor in the whole thing, but, I’m your commanding officer, and I should've known better than to guilt trip the both of you into leaving us alone in the room, no matter the fact that there was more gin than blood running through my veins when that happened.”

James’ jaw falls gradually to the ground as Shepard says all this, laughing with his eyes wild open, completely in awe of her statement.

Garrus, on the other hand, stays with a confused look for almost a minute, before everything finally clicks in his mind, starting to understand a great deal more of what Shepard said on said evening, or better said, of what he can remember, which isn’t a lot.

“Wait… Are you saying…?”

“Yes.” She confirms right away.

“That’s why you tried to make him leave…”

“Yup.” She nods again.

“And the whole ‘I’ve never had a home…’”

“Yes.” She cuts him again, this time with less enthusiasm. “And I’m really sorry about that last one. I have no excuse, no matter how much… How much…”

She struggles to find the appropriate words, so she just leaves her sentence unfinished and decides to keep drinking her beer, hoping his friends are able to understand what she wants to say.

Unfortunately for her, they are.

“... how much you wanted to bang Alenko like a door on a hurricane?”

Shepard almost chokes with her drink when she hears those words coming out of Vega’s mouth, moment in which her two friends break into laughter all at once, and, after a few seconds of general shock, she surrenders herself to the whole situation and joins in too.

“Sorry, Lola… I couldn’t help it.” James says, clearing a tear and trying to compose himself.

“Nah… That’s fine, I kinda deserve it.” She considers a sentence in her mind for a couple of seconds before she says it out loud. “And let’s be honest, you’re completely right.”

James smiles and claps a couple of times.

“Well, it’s good to know we didn’t say anything inappropriate…” He says as he stands up, getting ready to go back to his schedule.

“Oh! I mean, you totally did…” Shepard replies right away, in between chuckles. “But it takes more than the two of you, completely smashed and all, to offend me… ”

“Cool.”

“I mean… I used to deal with Udina’s shit on a regular basis, and,” she stops for a second of reflection, before adding in a lower tone of voice, “just between us, I’m kinda glad that he went mad and gave Alenko a reason to shoot at him.”

The three friends break into laughter all in unison this time around, creating a loud noise that, even if they aren’t aware of it, scares the life out of Tali, who was coincidentally near the elevator when the whole laughter started.

They stay like that for a while, to the point that, when Vega is finally able to collect himself and bid them farewell to carry on with his agenda, Shepard and Garrus are still struggling to go back to their normal selves.

After a few minutes like that, the turian regains a little of his composure and moves to sit next to her at the bar, needing a couple more seconds before he is finally able to say something.

“Ayy, Shepard…” He says as he pats her a couple of times on her back. “I’ve truly missed you.”

“You see me all the time, Garrus.” She says with a big smile on her face. “I mean, no one has spent more time with me in the last ten years…” She takes a moment there. “You were even crazy enough to follow me to Cerberus, being a turian and all that.”

“Not all of us are as strong as Kaidan, Shep.” She laughs a little before hitting him gently on his arm.

“Very funny.”

“I mean it…” He clarifies.

“Sure”

“I promise.”

Shepard directs her eyes to the ceiling for a moment and sighs.

“So… You aren’t gonna give me the ‘are you sure about Kaidan’ talk?” She asks as she redirects her sight to look at her friend.

“Maybe a few months ago I would’ve…” He admits in a repentant tone. “Not anymore.” He states, no hint of hesitation in his voice. “It takes a strong will to do something that goes against all of your own wishes and… Well.” He stops mid sentence and points at her with his open talons. “Look who I’m talking to.”

Shepard smiles one more time because of his comment, but he can see how her expression differs quite a lot from all her previous ones, finding a well of sadness the moment he meets her eyes.

“Yeah…” It’s the only thing she adds, in a calm tone of voice, lost in her own thoughts.

“You okay?”

It takes her a couple of seconds to process his words, but his question is able to bring her back to reality.

“Yeah.” She replies again, more sure and cheerful this time around. “Just a bit tired…”

“Of course.”

Garrus is aware that she isn’t telling the whole truth, but he knows his friend way too well to understand that delving deeper into the whole affair would only make things worse.

“So…” Shepard starts saying, trying to change the focus of their conversation. “Tali, eh?” Garrus smiles at her comment. “You moved fast Vakarian, she’s only been on the ship for a couple days.”

“We kept in touch…” He clarifies in a softer, almost shy, tone of voice. “When you went back to Earth. And well…”

Shepard touches his arm and smiles at him, letting him know she’s also able to understand what he means with only that much of a sentence.

“I’m glad for you two.”

“Yes… As I am for you.” He replies. “As I said before, I missed you.”

Shepard sighs, knowing there’s a hidden meaning in his last words, but unable to picture what he is truly saying.

Despite her better judgment, her curiosity ends up winning and, after a few seconds of processing everything, she finally decides to reply instead of using her standard strategy of avoiding this kind of conversation.

“You’ve said that already.”

“It is true.”

“So… You missed me since you saw me yesterday?” She asks with skepticism.

“No… No. I’ve missed you since I saw you fall along with the Normandy.”

For a second there Shepard feels completely defenseless against his comment.

A strange force appears out of nowhere and tries to rip her soul apart from within, both too similar and nothing alike what she remembers the feeling of drifting away into the vast space was like, with the gravity of Alchera sucking her into its atmosphere at complete mercy of the forces of the universe.

Despite everything going inside of her, she maintains a straight face. She even laughs a little at Garrus’ comment once the initial shock is gone, trying her best to hide or, better said, avoid all of her memories as long as she’s able.

Unfortunately for her, her friend doesn’t seem to be willing to let the whole thing go away so easily.

“I missed you for years now… The real you, that is.” He insists, trying his best, and failing miserably, to get a better understanding of what she’s really going through right now. Nevertheless, he keeps going with his speech. “And, for the first time in years, I'm starting to see glimmer of you, the real you.”

Shepard gives him a dry smile before gulping what was left of her beer with a somewhat annoyed look on her face, but that doesn’t stop him either.

“I mean, you even seem happy. Who would've thought that to be possible a few months ago?”

“You're exaggerating…” She tries to deflect again.

“Well, I guess that's another thing we have Alenko to thank for…” He turns a little to look better at her, knowing the effect the mention of Kaidan’s name is going to have on his friend.

For the first time in their whole conversation, he gives her enough time to process all of his words, instead of expecting an instant answer, and decides to continue with what he’s been meaning to tell her.

“That’s also the main reason I’m not gonna give you… What did you call it? The ‘Kaidan talk’?”

She laughs at his comment, this time for real, shaking away some of her previous feelings and memories for the moment.

“Yeah, something like that…”

Garrus smiles with her, thinking about the implications of her original sentence.

“Are people giving you shit about him already?”

“Already…” Shepard laughs again. “I’d say ‘still’ fits the whole situation.” She rests her arms on top of the bar, leaning backwards on her bar stool. “Not that I care, though…” She smiles. ”I’ve wanted this for so long that I really don’t give a…”

Shepard lets her words disappear into thin air, suddenly aware that she’s giving him more information than she wanted to say.

She waits patiently for his comeback, completely sure he is going to ask her to finish her sentence, but instead, he just looks at her for a few seconds and nods, not needing to hear this either to know what she meant.

“I understand.” Garrus finally tells her, moving to sit closer to her as he starts to smile, already amused by what he’s going to say. “And, next time someone tries to give you ‘the Kaidan talk’... Call me up.” He tells her, giving her a soft nudge on her arm. “I still owe you for the last two times you prevented me from killing someone.”

Making use of all of her strength, Shepard manages to control her grin long enough to give a comeback.

“Three…” She corrects him right away.. “But who's counting.”

The two of them start laughing at both of their comments, finding each one of them, and what they imply, as funny as the other.

They calm down quicker this time around, giving Garrus a new opportunity to strike one more time.

“Sooo…” He starts again once he has the chance. “Everything okay, then? With the whole ‘Kaidan thing’, I mean. Are you okay?”

As always, there’s only preoccupation in the tone of his voice, no judgment or will to pry on her personal life. Just overall worry about someone he cares about.

Her whole body asks her to reply right away and say ‘yes’, a self defense mechanism she’s been implementing since she can remember. Nevertheless, she manages to fight against it and attempts to slow down her thoughts, searching for a true answer to his question.

“I don’t know…” Shepard finally states, taking a small pause to think about her feelings. “I…”

“You feel guilty.” Garrus adds without any kind of doubt.

“Yes.”

“For being happy.”

“Yes.” She admits again, finding some sort of peace after saying it out loud. “Am I that easy to read?”

He smiles a little at her comment.

“Of course not, Shepard. It’s taken me a lot of years, alcohol and effort to refine the noble art of knowing what’s really going on inside of your head…” He says in between laughs. “I guess I deserve it, for deciding to have a human as my best friend.”

His last words crash against her harder than she could’ve ever imagined, bringing back echoes of her past that instantly begin to haunt her, no nightmare nor forest needed this time around.

I prefer to see you like this.

The voice of her long lost friend retumbs on her mind, replaying memories so accurately that she can almost see them.

Talking and laughing.

Shepard quickly stands up and takes a few steps. Summoning all her strength to hide from Garrus what’s really going on inside her head.

Please, stop. She says to herself, clenching her fist. Don’t start again…

Her own memories answer her begs, using the same reply that was used against her so many years ago.

I know, I know. You don't talk about that. You don’t talk about your name. Or about your family. You don’t talk about your past. Or your feelings. Or what you’ve been through…

“You okay?” Garrus asks, as careful as he’s able, knowing something is happening to her right now, but well aware that if he pushes this too far she’ll run away as fast as she’s able.

And he isn’t wrong.

“Eh? Ah, yes. Sure”

I get it. You never talk about yourself…

Shepard ignores the voice and keeps looking away from Garrus.

“I just remembered I… I…”

But you cannot deny that you're way happier now than when we met for the first time.

“I needed to talk with someone…”

“Someone?”

“Joker, I need to talk with Joker. Yes… To apologize and all that, for the whole drunken call.” She turns for just one second and forces a smile to say goodbye. “See you around, kay?”

And just like that she vanishes before Garrus is even able to comprehend what just happened, running from the whole situation in the blink of an eye.

“Okay…” He replies to the empty space she’s left behind, his mind still trying to find some kind of sense in the whole situation. “What…?”

After a few seconds of general confusion he shakes his head a couple of times, inspects the room and decides to clean a little, needing something else to focus on for a moment.

Garrus drags the stools closer to the bar and throws the two empty bottles of beer in the trash and, while he’s on it, his head keeps replaying the last few minutes of his conversation with Shepard, trying to find the moment where he crossed a line he shouldn’t have.

He’s been out of the loop with Shepard before, but this is new to him. This time around, he wasn’t expecting it and, worse of all, he has no idea of either the root of the problem nor its solution.

“...”

He quickly runs out of distractions and, the moment there’s nothing else to do, he goes back to his frozen pose and is instantly swallowed by the dilemma once again.

The fact that she reacted better than he thought she would to everything he was afraid to ask up to that point isn’t helping either, making the whole problem even harder to pinpoint.

“Maybe it's nothing and I’m obsessing over it…” He says, almost surrendering to the whole idea that if he isn’t able to find the problem, there must be none. “Yeah, that has to be it.”

He starts walking towards the door and, for a few seconds, he almost succeeds in fooling himself.

“You worry too much about nonsense, Garrus.”

His own lie works flawlessly against him for a moment there, for who could know more about Shepard than him, right? He says in his mind. If I don’t see anything…

Nevertheless, something makes him stop at the threshold, right when he’s in the middle of his inner speech, no longer able to deny what’s the real thing he needs to do in order to get some clarity.

“Ah…” He sighs at last, finally choosing to do what’s best for his friend, and not what’s easier for him to accept. “I need to talk to Kaidan.”

-------------------------------

*hums melody before starting to sing* loooook I made you some conteeeeeeeeeent XDDDDDDDDDD Sorry, I had to.

Errrmm... I'm going to address it in the future but, for those who didn't understand what's going on with Shep, the main character in her dreams, that she also hears at the end, is the main character in LBIG. Her best friend from training days and... Well, my Shep has the survivor background so... you can imagine the rest (and if you don't it's okay, I'm going to write it... aaaaand that fic will end in Akuze T-T) Anyway... You may now be able understand why Garrus calling her his "best friend" is so triggering for her.

Btw, don't worry, next 2 chapters are going to be more fun than angsty (I promise XD)

#mass effect #commander shepard #kaidan alenko #shenko #shepard x kaidan #fshenko #mass effect 3 #femshep x kaidan #fanfic

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greyeyedmonster-18 · 3 years

Text

Fault Lines pt. 5

Read Fault Lines parts 1-4 here (links to part 4 but everything else is there)

In which Remus and Sirius are divorced and raising harry and doing their very best.

(this one is about 5k and pretty mild.)

(one more installment to go after this.)

September 1st, 1991

The scarlet steam engine slowly disappeared from Sirius’ view as the tightness in his chest grew. He knew this day was coming, and it was so much worse than he imagined it. He had driven to the platform with Harry, his newly eleven-year-old reminding him so much of James as his mouth ran a mile a minute with questions, excitement in every word. Remus was beside Sirius in the passenger seat, and Sirius watched as the other man reached behind to put his hand on Harry’s leg to keep him from bouncing too much. Not that the movement bothered either of them, but because it was far more likely Harry would hit his head on the roof of the car and that would delay the trip to Hogwarts. Something about Remus’ touch could tether both of them so easily.

I’m so proud of you whispered into messy black hair.

I’ll send a lot of letters, I promise, can I go now said back, even though pre-teen arms were still wrapped around Sirius’ waist.

We love you

And then Harry was gone with the train and Sirius was fighting back tears he hadn’t expected, locked like a statue on the platform for several dozen minutes.

“This…is the worst day of my life, I think.” Sirius finally spoke, turning his head towards Remus who was standing next to him, lightweight cardigan thrown over a t-shirt, and worn loafers.

Remus’ eyes met his own somberly. Maybe it was the worst day of his life too. But then the corners of his mouth turned up in a wry half-smile, “James and Lily dying.”

“I think this is slightly worse.”

“Remember when we got divorced?”

“Oh, this is definitely worse than that.”

“We…also got married,” Remus said lightly and Sirius finally managed a tiny laugh, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Most of the other parents had already left the platform, Remus and Sirius standing there feeling like the only two people left on earth. The last time Sirius had felt that way had been November 1st, 1981 when everything went from bad to worse and he held onto Remus even as he was being taken away to Azkaban, fingertips touching until they couldn’t anymore. The tension between them had leveled out. Broken glass on the floor of their relationship--what they were calling co-parenting-- cleared away and they both remembered to put on shoes now before walking to avoid getting cut.

Conversations drifted back into being pleasant.

They both dropped their wands.

They had lived through one war by the skin of their teeth, they didn’t cause another with no one else to blame but themselves. A truce that felt similar to forgiveness.

“Harry leaving is still worse but…that may get precedent over James and Lily,” Sirius said lightly.

“I was thinking the same thing. It was so fucking hot that day. I was actually sweating the entire time. Really that should’ve been the sign.”

“The pianist rushed too. I swear you were running down the aisle towards me.”

“Quick and painless. Like pulling off a bandage.”

Sirius laughed again, looking down at his feet to scuff the toe of his black boots on the ground. “Thanks.”

Dark humor to brighten a dark situation and to keep Sirius from slipping away into the darkness as well.

“I just didn’t want you crying in public, that’d be embarrassing.”

“I know.”

“You want to go?”

“Not really,” Sirius shrugged thinking of his haunted house in London. Harry was gone and the ghosts would surely come back. “…you wouldn’t want to go get absolutely plastered, would you? Black out and forget this day ever happened?”

He waited for Remus to tell him he had work tomorrow. Hell, Sirius had work tomorrow and an entire day of taking notes on the wizarding world's legal system. But managing a hangover and focusing all of his energy on staying awake tomorrow seemed better than going home to emptiness.

“Two conditions.”

“Hm?

“You’re buying and we leave the pub by 4.”

Sirius grinned slowly, “Easy enough, Moons.”

November 1992

It had been ages since Remus had truly seen Sirius lose every ounce of composure and unleash every swear word under the sun at someone else. Parenthood and time had made Sirius think before rushing into situations and opening his mouth when there needn't be a response. It had been even longer since he had heard Sirius use his last name as influence and pressure to get something done, thinking back to Sirius arguing with the ministry on his behalf to amend a custody agreement.

My fucking vault funds half this place. You’ll do what I’m asking, Fudge.

Remus often wondered if roles were reversed if he would have it in him to move as strong and sure as Sirius did in the world, or if Remus would still pause and hesitate.

Remus stood in the hospital wing, wincing slightly as he listened to the conversation Sirius was having with Dumbledore and McGonagall in the hallway, barely behind a closed door while keeping an eye on Harry in the hospital bed. Their pre-teen looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there with his good hand over his face, the other arm wrapped and in a sling.

“His best intentions? Bullocks! My godson’s arm was turned into jelly and you call that the best of intentions? This man is responsible for teaching children? I want him fired. Immediately.” Sirius shouted from the hallway.

“Mr. Black, I understand you’re upset with the result but we simply cannot suspend a--” Professor McGonagall started, their former Head of House trying to reign in the thunderstorm that was Sirius Black. She had once been an expert at it, the only professor in all of Hogwarts able to get Sirius to stop talking with a single look; the only one who had perhaps taken the time to see the wounded insides of the eldest Black boy. Remus distinctly remembered Sirius giving her a hug at graduation and McGonagall wiping away a tear at something he had said to her.

“Like hell, you can’t,” Sirius said, “I will call a Board meeting right now and he will be voted out so quickly you won’t even be able to say “lemon drop”! I don’t want to have to go over your head and do that. I’d rather we come to an understanding right now.”

“Make. Him. Stop.” Harry muttered, looking wide-eyed at Remus, “He never does this.”

“Oh, you’re mad if you think I’m getting involved,” Remus told Harry, “You want me to go into the fire?”

“At this rate, he’s going to get Dumbledore sacked too for hiring Lockhart in the first place!” Harry pleaded, “It’s just a…broken arm.”

“He did vanish your bones, Harry.”

“It’s fine. If Lockhart's fired, Snape or something is going to cover the class and then I’ll have two periods of that greasy-git--”

“Hey, he is a professor.”

“Yeah, and a greasy-git. Two things can be true.”

Remus bit back a snort and raised an eyebrow, “You’ve been talking with your godfather too much.”

“So you call him Severus?”

“Let’s not go that far, love…” Remus paused to listen again, as Harry's grimace returned at the unmistakable sound of Sirius slipping into French every other word. “They don’t know French, Remus! Please, go do something before everyone's sacked!”

“Okay, okay, you’re right.” Remus held up his hands in defeat before walking out of the hospital wing towards the direction of the argument. Sirius was in the hallway, clad in a burgundy sweatshirt, his hair pulled back with a glittering gold scrunchy and Remus couldn’t help but find it impressive that Sirius was scolding two very well-respected educators within an inch of their life in such ridiculous attire.

“I assure you, Sirius, we are not taking this incident lightly,” Dumbledore spoke in his calm voice that Remus knew drove Sirius up a wall.

“So you have a three-strike system? Fucking idiot gets to--”

“He is a teacher, Mr. Black,” Professor McGonagall interrupted.

“Yeah, and a fucking idiot too. Two things can be true at once,” Sirius told her and Remus pinched the bridge of his nose at the familiarity of the dialogue. Too much time around his godfather had been right. “Is your plan just to hope that he doesn’t do something like this again? Or wait to see if he does something worse? I’m sorry, Albus, but that’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard and if you honestly believe that’s the best solution then you’re a fucking idiot--”

“Sirius,” Remus finally said, putting his hand on his ex-husband's shoulder, “You have made your point, very loud and clear. We get it.”

“So tell me why Lockhart isn’t packing his trunk?” Sirius folded his arms and looked at Remus, his jaw clenching in a way that was very seventeen and not thirty-two.

“Finding a replacement teacher in the middle of a school year is challenging, Mr. Black,” explained McGonnagal, her face looking relieved at the intervention.

“Remus can do it,” Sirius said immediately.

“I--what? Sirius, come on, be reasonable.”

“I am. You’ve been teaching for years now, he’s a private tutor, you know what you’re doing, you got a NEWT in Defense…Remus can do it.”

“I promise you, that isn’t necessary, he’s being belligerent,” Remus kept his hand on Sirius’ shoulder, as he looked at the faces of his former Headmaster and Head of House. It was just supposed to be an innocent game of Quidditch; there were plans to take Harry out to dinner for celebrating and even more plans that involved a joint and a bottle of wine at Grimmauld Place after. It had become their own tradition since Harry had been on the team. They hadn’t missed a game and they hadn’t missed an opportunity to rejoice in a victory or wallow in a loss with expensive alcohol. There had even been an occasion where Remus baked edibles, and he woke up the next morning in his pants sprawled out in Sirius’ sitting room couch. Of course, Sirius had made it to his bed that evening but had also decided to garden in the dead of night, his ex-husband absolutely horrified at the fig tree in the middle of the kitchen the next morning. Remus was still hopeful it would end that way, assuming Sirius could get control of his temper and also assuming Dumbledore and McGonnagal caved to his request of having Lockhart sacked.

Otherwise, there would be a Board meeting. Remus had no doubts about that.

“May we have until the end of term, Sirius?” asked Dumbledore.

“No, but I’ll give you two weeks.”

“I would take that, it’s only going to get worse,” Remus offered, “I’m not…going to accept the position but if you do need assistance with proctoring exams, I am more than happy to help, sir.” Sirius made a small noise in the back of his throat at the title. There was once a time all of them had thought Dumbledore to be the most powerful wizard they had met; the person who had all the answers. Remus wasn’t so sure anymore, holding onto the last kernel of faith, but Sirius had abandoned all of that somewhere in the middle of the war. Somewhere between getting refused a trial and thrown into prison at the hands of the other man even if it was just twenty-four hours. When Harry had been delivered to the doorstep of Lily’s sister without taking Remus into consideration.

“Thank you, Mr. Lupin.”

“I’ll be in touch in two weeks,” Sirius’ tone was brisk, and without an ounce of respect, grey eyes focused on the retreating backs of Dumbledore and McGonagall, robes trailing on the ground.

“Feel better?” Remus asked, catching Sirius’ gaze in his own, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “No, no, please tell me. Did that make you feel good?"

“Okay, I…might have lost my cool.”

“Might have?” laughed Remus, and Sirius cracked a smile running his hand over his hair and taking out the gold scrunchy, putting it on his wrist, “I think you just taught Harry at least three new swear-words.”

“Did…did I not put a silencing charm up?”

“No.”

“Fuck.”

“Sirius.”

Sirius’ smiled grew, after taking a moment to look mildly ashamed as he reflected on all the words he had spoken, “On the positive, I think I also got you a job?”

“Impulse control is at a zero sometimes, I swear, Sirius..."

“His arm had no bones, Remus! None! Nothing I said was untrue and I stand by that.” Sirius said pointedly, “Now do I…wish…I had been able to calmly state my dissatisfaction? Sure. But…I think I was effective.”

Remus shook his head, “Some things don’t change, hm?”

“So you disagree with what I said?” Sirius asked, “You think he’s a perfectly competent man and I was being too harsh?”

“Oh, no, I think he is also a…what did you say, oh, yeah, fucking idiot, but that doesn’t mean I’d advertise it.”

“I did it for both of us. I believe that is what one calls, taking one for the team.”

Remus laughed again, finally moving his hand from Sirius’ shoulder to pat the side of his face, “Hothead.”

“Yeah. I know. Take it up with my mother.”

“And you’ll have a word with your godson about being respectful and--”

“YOU HAVE TO GIVE A WRITTEN APOLOGY, SIRIUS. AN APOLOGY TO ME FOR BEING EMBARASSING!” shouted Harry from his hospital bed and Sirius laughed even louder, the anger that was once there evaporating into thin air.

“Kid is so lucky. One of us is going to teach at Hogwarts, and the other one is on The Board of Governors and causes scenes in hallways…” Sirius mused, “Of the things we’ve done, James and Lily would be most proud of this moment.”

“You definitely gave Lily a run for her money with that dressing down…”

March 1993

“Cheers to the youngest seeker of the century and a winning game!” Sirius raised his glass of whiskey up to Remus’ butterbeer, the two of them sat at the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade after another Gryffindor victory. Remus had been mortified when Sirius had imposed the idea of him teaching at Hogwarts upon Dumbledore and McGonagall, but when a letter came two weeks later asking if he would be interested in the position, Remus was surprised at how inspired he felt.

Teaching at Hogwarts had always been the dream. It had been Remus’ favorite place as a kid. It had been where Remus had fallen in love with magic and the idea of teaching in the first place. And even if the position had been offered to him the pressure of a persistent and furious Sirius Black who had more money and influence than he knew what to do with, Remus was nevertheless willing to take the meeting.

This was the shake he had been waiting for. The wake-up call.

The change that he needed to get him out of the routines that he had set up, and the rut he had unconsciously gotten himself in despite trying to put himself out there. Accepting the position had forced him to move; had forced him out of his carefully curated comfort zone; had made space for him to grow and it only took a week of teaching for him to floo to Grimmauld Place and say thank you with his arms around Sirius.

Remus was grateful more often now. Making up for the years he hadn't said it at all.

“Cheers,” Remus responded, taking a sip out of the bottle, taking in his surroundings. A few of the other professors not on duty were trickling in as well, Remus giving them nods in greeting as they walked in.

“So now that you’re on the other side of the equation, is Snape still as big of an asshole? Do you put spiders in his porridge in the morning?”

“That’s childish, Sirius.” Remus told him, “But there was one day I kept charming a pebble to lodge itself in his shoes because he kept interrupting my lesson with un-urgent matters.”

Sirius laughed, a few of the professors looking in Remus’ direction at the sound of joyful thunder, “You always had the best ideas.”

“The best part was he couldn’t point fingers at me without sounding insane.” Remus grinned, taking another sip, “It’s…nice having…colleagues though.”

“Is that what you’re calling them?”

“What?”

“Who’s the one you keep making eyes at?”

Remus choked, a little, and Sirius grinned mischievously, “I don’t…I am not making eyes,” Remus told him, though as he was speaking his eyes were very much trailing over to the other staff table. Professor Andre Babbling had been appointed the new Professor for Ancient Runes at the start of this year, joining the rounds of younger faculty at Hogwarts. A few years ahead of Remus in school, in Ravenclaw, Professor Andre Babbling was definitely easy on the eyes with his dark skin and brown eyes that caught morning sunlight just right at the staff table. Remus had stuck with pleasantries initially when he sat at the staff table his first month of teaching and tried not to escort himself to the hospital wing for heart failure when Babbling smiled at him and a flush blossomed over his entire body.

He had always been a fucking fool for a smile and Babbling happened to have a dimple which made matters much worse.

But Babbling turned out to be talkative and passionate about a subject Remus had found dry while taking it, though he was incredibly thankful for the NEWT he deemed useless because it gave him a leg to stand on. Remus could pretend to be interested in something if it meant he could be in close proximity of a smile and a dimple and brown eyes and long, lean forearm muscles that poked out from under his robes. In fact, Remus could pretend to do a lot of things if it meant that someone was looking at him again the way Babbling did.

No one had looked at Remus like he was made of something special since Sirius. He had tried--random dates and meetings at coffee shops ending in calling cabs and making up excuses to leave early and wishing them away to the opposite end of the world so Remus could avoid them entirely--but none of them burned Remus alive with desire or possibility. Babbling looked at Remus like he was a divine entity, and Remus didn’t want him to stop. He missed what it felt like to be the center of someone else's world, and he missed what it felt like to look across a room and know someone else would be looking back.

“I mean, I can always make a show and turned around and look and guess myself, if--”

“No, please don’t do that,” Remus said, his hand shooting out to keep Sirius from turning obviously over his shoulder, “It’s…the Runes professor. The one next to Sinastra?”

Sirius hummed, “You always had good taste.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

“I wasn’t, I was referring to that bloke before me, what was his name…Cresswell? He was handsome too, in an odd sort of way. With the blonde hair and all.” Sirius shrugged, “So what's your plan?”

“Plan?”

“He’s making eyes back. The chemistry is palpable.”

“I cannot believe you’re instigating this.”

“It’s one of my better qualities.” Sirius took a sip of his whiskey, “You should go sit over there.”

“W-what? No, I…I can’t.”

“Why not? You work here. You can join their lunch table or whatever, you’re cool enough.”

“I…what…about you?”

“I’ll finish my drink and be on my way. Don’t worry about me.”

“Sirius, really, it’s okay, I don’t--” but Sirius rolled his eyes, tossing back the rest of his whiskey, and stood up from the bar, putting several galleons on the counter for their check. There was no bitterness in grey eyes; not a drop of resentment or fear that Remus was moving on after years of holding on to a golden safety net of consistency. For better and for worse, Sirius was his last connection to familiarity. One more step and all that was gone.

It was terrifying. And exhilarating.

Is this how Sirius lived his life? On the edge of becoming all the time?

“I’ll see you next time, Remus. Let me know how it goes, yeah?”

“I…just…what do I say?”

“Maybe start with Hi? And then…end with I am very well hung.” Sirius teased giving Remus a wink and a cheeky grin.

“You’re…impossible,” Remus muttered but Sirius just gave him a wave and walked out of the Three Broomsticks, going to find his motorcycle that was parked in the village. Remus took another sip from his butterbeer and a deeper breath to steel his nerves.

He took the final step, the solid ground falling out from underneath his feet and he grabbed a helmet, ready for a crash landing as his eyes connected with deep brown ones from across the room once more.

June 1993

“Did you know Remus has a boyfriend?” asked Harry almost as soon as he got in the car, no longer on the platform and in a safe place. Remus had would be at Hogwarts for a little longer, finishing up grading and end-of-term exams.

“I…heard rumors.”

“What does that mean?” Harry asked, a scowl on his face as he buckled his seatbelt and Sirius raised his eyebrows at the gruffness of the response.

“It means of the things that is better for us not to talk about in extensive detail, dating is one of them and I have only heard whispers in passing of this boyfriend,” Sirius explained putting the key into the ignition.

“Yeah, well, it’s another teacher. At Hogwarts.”

“I know.”

“It’s weird.”

“Him dating or the teacher part?”

“The teacher part…” Harry shifted in his seat, slouching down further and Sirius smiled a little as he backed out of the car park. Thirteen was around the corner and was apparent in every inch of Harry’s demeanor. “I dunno. It’s different.”

“Have you talked with him about it?”

“He talked with me about it…so, I guess.”

But there was a reason Harry had chosen him for this conversation.

“I’m listening, kid.”

“Not a kid…”

“You’re my kid and I love you.”

Harry softened, at the phrase, apparently never too old and mature to hear those three words. “It’s…is he all of a sudden going to start coming to Christmas? Or when I turn thirteen is…he going to be there? Or if we all go to a Quidditch match, will you get another ticket for him?” he asked in rapid succession, “I know you see people but they don’t exactly stick around and you’ve never had me meet them. And…Remus did? Sort of? Or I already kind of knew Professor Babbling from around school. I’m just not sure what to make of it.”

“Love, I think these are questions you can ask Remus.”

“I’m asking you.”

“If…I buy tickets to a match, I’ll ask you who you want there. You don’t even have to bring me if you don’t want. I’ll buy the tickets and let you go with Bill Weasley as your responsible guardian.”

“The twins? They’re older.”

“Not a chance,” Sirius grinned, “And…it’s your birthday party, you get to decide who is there. And as for Christmas dinner at The Weasleys…that might be up to Remus, or… whoever extends the invitations, but…our holiday can still be just for us if that's what you want.”

“I don’t want to make Remus sad if…I dunno.”

“I promise, we can take it, Harry.”

December 1993

“Is…he always like that?” asked Andre, walking with Remus outside into the winter snow, just outside Grimmauld Place. His dark eyelashes had snowflakes clinging to them, the magical drive disappearing as they got closer to the street where there was a portkey he could take back to his flat. Remus had wanted him to meet Harry outside of school. Remus wanted him to meet Sirius at all, the two of them only saying hello in passing prior to dinner that evening when Sirius would call on the mirror or be in Remus' office at Hogwarts for tea on the weekends.

“Who Harry? He’s thirteen. I think he’ll be like that until he’s eighteen or so say the adolescent development books. Teenagers shouldn’t be a surprise to you.”

“Not Harry. He was…how I expected him to be.”

“...Sirius?”

“Your ex.” Andre confirmed, “Is he always like that?”

“I…think you have to be more specific,” Remus said, brows furrowing as he tried to think of infractions or tears Sirius might have caused throughout the evening. He had set the table for Remus; he made polite conversation and told appropriate stories to Andre about them back in Hogwarts; he had kept Harry in check, intervening with a light touch on Harry’s shoulder or asking their teenager for help with someone minor just so Harry could have a break from meeting my parent’s new boyfriend when his ex-husband was in the room. Remus actually had every intention of rushing back inside and expressing endless gratitude for Sirius, unable to comprehend that the evening had gone so well when he had been tossing and turning about it for days. It seemed so silly to have lost sleep over it now.

“I don’t know. He’s just…kind of a lot? Does he always offer to take your plate? Or…did he offer to make dessert for this evening or did you ask him to? Playing music you liked? All the stories and asking me questions--the eye contact was…was that an intimidation thing or is he just like that?”

Remus stared for a moment before laughing at the absurdity of Sirius’ eye contact ever being intimidating. Thinking that if Sirius had wanted to ruin the evening, he very well could have and it wouldn’t have been with eye contact. Laughter was apparently the wrong response, Andre’s hand pulling from Remus’s instantly.

“You’re..you’re serious?”

“I don’t like you laughing at me. I just had dinner with your ex-husband and you’re laughing?”

“It’s just Sirius,” Remus explained, “That’s just…the allure of Sirius Black. I promise it wears off.”

“It seems to me like he’s still into you.”

Remus had to clear his throat violently to keep from laughing again, “Andre…I know how Sirius looks on the outside. But…that’s just what he does.”

“Takes care of you?”

“You have to understand we have a lot of history and we have a kid together. Of course, he’s going to take care of me but it’s not like we’re super crazy close and have a bunch of inside jokes and…”

“But you do.”

They did.

“Okay…so we do. That doesn’t mean--”

“Remus, I fancy you quite a lot. I’d like to spend more time getting to know Harry and spending time with you. I just can’t see where I fit into this if he’s in the picture.”

“We’re co-parents Andre. He has to have a place in my life.”

“You’re not just co-parents. You’re best friends. And…I don’t know if I can stick around if your best friend is him.”

“It’s not a competition. It’s not…I have love to give to both of you. It’s not either-or.”

“I guess I don’t see it that way.”

What they don’t tell you when you stand at an altar with someone, holding onto their hands and watching eyes mist up with emotion is that when it all ends, you’ll spend the rest of your life comparing people to them. Unintentionally, but it happens. Remus did it with Andre, making lists of qualities that mimicked Sirius’ thinking Merlin, I have a type; making a contrasting list of qualities that couldn’t be more different and seeing which one he preferred. He stared back at Andre and the hands that were now hidden away in coat pockets.

Funny how history could repeat itself.

I don’t know how to make it fit anymore. I don’t know if we fit anymore.

Harry was in his bedroom, running upstairs as soon as Remus and his guest had walked out the front door, leaving Sirius to clean up the kitchen on his own. He left the pie and bottle of wine out, pouring a glass for Remus whenever he walked back in while he got his own glass of whiskey.

Remus had his arm around someone new, and Remus was happy for it. The golden hour light that Remus had radiated in their teenage years-- the light that Sirius had fallen for in the first place-- had returned with a vengeance, with the arrival of a man who was well-read and just as dry. Professor Babbling was growing flowers in the places Sirius had just made holes. Remus’s garden had flourished after all the years spent watering it with heartache and nurturing it with his own delicate hands, and Sirius was glad for it.

Sirius jumped up onto the counter, piece of pie in hand and he heard the front door open and close, followed by footsteps. Remus walked in looking crestfallen, his arms wrapped around his body. Coat still on, hands slightly blue.

Sirius put his fork down and tilted his head, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Remus said simply looking up to meet Sirius’ eyes.

“Alright?”

“I just broke up with my boyfriend after…I thought tonight went surprisingly well.”

Sirius made to get off the counter but Remus held his hands out. A nonverbal signal not to come any closer. He stayed where he was.

“I…thought it went well too.”

“You’re too much,” Remus told him.

“What?”

“That’s what he said. That you were too much. You…did too much for me. You...made dessert? And…” Remus looked down at his feet, mismatched socks on the tile floor, “You don’t even know you’re doing it, but you do it, and…I forget how brightly you can burn sometimes because I’ve gotten used to it. And I think about how lucky I am to be in a position where I’m just used to reaping the benefits of all the shit you do, all the time, but you’re too much, Sirius.”

Voices from his past crept into his memory; ones that sounded more like his mother and father than he cared to admit.

You take up too much space.

You’re too loud. Be quiet, Sirius.

Don’t ask so many questions. Speak when you’re spoken to.

You’re a headache, Sirius.

Get out my sight, Sirius.

One that sounded like the shell of Remus when their marriage had gone on way too long and neither of them could see a way out. Before the counseling. Before admitting defeat.

Just stop, Sirius. I don’t need you to do things for me anymore.

You can’t fix everything.

“I’m…sorry.” Sirius told him, “I…I can take a step back, Remus. I won’t be here, next time? Make myself scarce. You didn’t need to…you should be with him. It’s my fault."

Sirius always admitted fault first. Willing to take the fall for someone else's sins after an easy life of never having to be accountable for his own. Privileged, arrogant, Sirius Black. He could take it.

It could be his fault. Even if it wasn’t.

He could dig the grave. Even if he knew there was only space for him in there.

Ice the bruises to make the swelling go down faster.

Bandage Remus’s fist and even his boyfriends. Heal the scrapes and the cuts and let them take another swing. Remus had always been worth the hurt.

It could be his fault. Sirius was too much, after all. He had been told that before. It wasn’t anything new.

Remus shook his head, picking at his nails. Sirius wanted to stand up and put his hands over Remus's to stop the movement. But he stayed. “We’re…not in love anymore, you and I. We’re not, and I don’t want to be either. But…I don’t think I can go on in this life without you. The bloke who I can sit with at a table and say what I’m thinking. I’ll take that over another brush with love.”

Sirius would too.

Every time.

#fault lines #sirius black #remus lupin #divorced wolfstar dads

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bireggiemantle · 2 years

Note

i think you could write a great jabitha fic in which they go to the fair together (or a theme park your choice :))

thank you :) I hope this is what you had in mind

The last time a carnival had come to Riverdale, Betty's dad was chaperoning the pre-teen trio of Betty, Archie, and Jughead as they raced into the lines of rides they were finally tall enough for. Ever since Jason's death, and the subsequent events that followed, the grounds behind the local mall remained empty, a haunted husk of ferris wheels and funnel cakes. Jughead remembers going there with Archie at the very end of senior year, sitting together where the caricature booth used to be, neither of them acknowledging the upcoming burden of graduation (or the lack there of).

But things have changed in Riverdale again, this time for the better, and every street corner is covered with signs advertising the carnival's return.

Pop's has been offered a small plot to celebrate the fair's arrival, and the truck is parked opposite the caricature stand.

Business is slower than Tabitha had originally anticipated, due in part to the dark clouds looking overhead. The rain hasn't started yet, but every news station says that it should be soon, so most of the town has preemptively taken refuge.

There's still a few people taking their chance with the weather though. Betty and Veronica already stopped by for a black coffee and a vanilla latte respectively, their arms linked together as they took their drinks. In the distance Jughead can also see the vague shape of Reggie, who's spent most of his afternoon trying to beat a ring toss game.

"You know, I've never actually been to a carnival." Tabitha says from where she's sitting on the counter beside the sink.

"Really?"

"There weren't any in the part of Chicago I'm from, and my dad wouldn't have wanted to travel far enough to find one." she slides off the counter and onto her feet. "But I thought now would be as good a time as ever to check one out."

She offers her hand out to Jughead. "You coming?"

Jughead laces his fingers together with hers and it's only a matter of seconds before he's being pulled out of the door.

There's a gentle breeze slicing through the thick summer humidity, granting them some much needed relief from weeks of thunderstorms and heatwaves. And the overcast sky means it's just dark enough for the carnival's lights to flicker to life, illuminating the space around them with bright pinks and blues.

Tabitha gives Jughead's hand a small squeeze.

"C'mon, I wanna kick Reggie's ass at that game he won't stop playing."

Jughead laughs. "Are you gonna win me a stuffed animal?"

"In your dreams. If it's my good aim that's winning, then it's my prize to keep."

She doesn't end up winning until her third try (and Reggie finally wins mere seconds after Tabitha does, but whether it's because the employee pitied him or not is up for debate), and she picks a large stuffed bear dressed in suspenders and a bowtie from the prize counter before handing it off to Jughead.

"I thought you wanted to keep the bear for yourself?"

"Changed my mind. You looked like you needed a friend." She kisses his cheek as she steps in front of him, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the ferris wheel.

The rain begins just as they're reaching the top of the ride. It's a nice break from the muggy heat of the summer, and it's light enough that neither of them have to change when they make their way back to the food truck.

Tabitha collapses into the closest chair as soon as she shuts the door behind her, closing her eyes and undoing her ponytail.

"Tired?" Jughead asks, a teasing tone in his voice as he takes a seat beside her.

She slowly reopens her eyes and takes the bear from him, pressing it against her chest as she sinks deeper into the cushions.

"A little. If the rain clears up, I still think we should get funnel cake, though. I know I'm not too tired for that."

#i wasnt sure where to end this but i didnt wanna make it too long bc its an ask fic n not a fic fic #if u like if tho maybe ill expans it n post it to ao3 :)#its been a while since ive done fluff tho so i hope its what u wanted #jabitha #mine #asks

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maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

The Hybrid (I)

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: The Pogues rekindle their friendship with their old childhood best friend and JJ’s first crush, Y/N. Old feelings resurface for JJ and Y/N, possibly leading to a summer neither one of them could ever forget. Due to past trauma, Y/N is reluctant to let anyone into her heart, but JJ never backs down from a challenge, even if he knows it will come back to haunt him in the end.

Note: Thank you for being patient with me as I slowly write this series. I had this idea a long time ago and I’m not finding motivation to write it but the inspiration comes and go. I smile with every comment that is left on my fics and I’m so grateful for this community. Thank you for letting me pursue my creative writing without judgement. Love you guys! (Also, yes. If you didn’t see my last note, I based YN’s family off of the Gilmore Girls characters. That’s who I picture as them.)

Word Count: 8k

Masterlist Prologue

You wake up to someone falling on your bed next to you with a dramatic sigh. Knowing exactly who it is, you choose to ignore her and try getting back to the dreamless sleep you were peacefully having before you woke up.

That is, until she sighs again.

You flip onto your back and stare up at your ceiling fan that’s quickly spinning above you. “What, Rory?”

“How did it go with Andre and that boy?”

You look at her with one brow raised. “You woke me up to hear about Andre’s love life? That hardly sounds like you. You don’t care about high school drama or hookups.”

“You’re right,” Rory says. “But I thought I would ease you into what I actually need to tell you.”

You turn on right side and look at your sister confused. “What?”

She sighs. “The cafe’s basement flooded last night. Mom needs us there to help her clean up and take inventory on what’s salvageable.”

You turn back on you backside and close your eyes, exhaling a deep sigh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not,” Rory says and pats you twice on your covered thigh as she sits up. “Come on. I made you pre-cafe coffee. It’s sitting in the kitchen.”

You throw your sheets off of you and trudge to the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face. It’s about 8 a.m. At least you were able to get about six hours of sleep.

Last night, it was hard to let your brain rest to fall asleep. You kept tossing and turning, thinking about the blonde Pogue who walked you home. You missed how easy it was to talk to someone who you felt truly knew you. Your banter rolled off your tongue easily and you never had to worry about offending him because you knew him like the back of your hand. You knew what he could take and what he couldn't.

Talking to him brought back childhood memories you had hidden deep in your mind. How JJ would constantly poke you until you ripped into a smile on days that were grey. How you used to steal John B’s bandanas until he was chasing you around his house to get them back. How you would draw a mustache and a unibrow on Pope’s face when he fell asleep by the water.

Those days felt like they were decades ago. So far away, you didn’t know if you’d be able to reach for them again. If it was even possible to get back.

You thought about texting him. Thanks for walking me back. We should all get together soon! You had written out. But then you deleted the whole message, telling yourself it was because you didn’t know if he even had the same number. But deep down, you were just afraid of the rejection.

Its been about three years since the four of you had been together in one place. You don’t know what they’ve been through or if they’ve changed. They for sure as hell don’t know what you’ve been through. You don’t know if they're dynamic has changed. Clearly you and JJ can still joke with each other but what about John B and Pope? You heard about John B’s father disappearing at sea, most people believing he’s dead, but John B holding onto hope that’s he’s alive. You always thought about calling him to reach out and offer your condolences. But for the same reason you didn’t text JJ, you never called. It didn’t feel like your place. They had Kie for that now. A little part of you felt jealous of her, like she had replaced you and any memory of you. She seemed nice, but she wasn’t you.

“Ready?” Rory pops her head in to your room as you slip on a cropped plain white zip up jacket over your cropped black tank.

“As I’ll ever be,” You say and snag the car keys out of her hands. “Don’t even think about it. I’m driving.”

Rory rolls her eyes. “I want to get there safely.”

“And I want to get there quickly.”

“Fine. But we’re taking my car. It actually has doors.”

For your sixteenth birthday, your grandparents gifted both you and Rory your own individual cars and even let you pick them out. Rory chose a black 2020 Honda Civic for it’s safety features and reputation for longevity as if she was planning on handing it down to her future kids. And you picked out a white 2020 Jeep Wrangler with a hard top that pops off along with the doors for a very open and thrilling ride. Everyone but you called it a death trap, but you found it to be the perfect summer car.

You park Rory’s boring Honda Civic in the back of the cafe in a lot used specifically for employees. The cafe is already booming with teens and families, waiting for their morning coffees and fresh pastries. Kids your age are running around behind the counter with sweat dripping down their brow bone to get everyone’s orders out in a timely manner.

In the back of the store, your mom walks up the steps from the basement with two large trash bags and immediately notices the two of you. “Oh good. You’re here. Rory, help the girls behind the counter. The dishwasher’s broken and poor Hailey is hand washing everything. Y/N, come with me downstairs.”

“Why does Rory get the fun job?” You grumble and follow your mom back downstairs after she tosses the two trash bags.

“Because she’s actually nice to the customers.”

“Treat others how you would like to be treated. Isn’t that what everyone always says?” You smirk. You never agreed with the phrase ‘the customer is always right.’ It’s complete bullshit and being the employee shouldn’t mean letting yourself getting verbally abused by a ‘Karen’ on the other side of the counter.

The basement is used for the cafe’s storage, lined with wooden shelves Steve put together that hold to go cups, back up espresso machines, boxes of coffee and food and ingredients, etc. Now all the boxes are dark and sopping, creating puddles on the concrete floor.

“Oh my god. Mom. How did this happen?”

“Jenky water pipe busted in the middle of the night,” Steve walks down the stairs and passes your mom a knowing look. It didn’t surprise you that he was here. He’s the jack of all trades. Owns his own automotive shop, builds a lot of his own furniture, actually cooks a decent meal, and has the same outlook on customer service as you do. He was probably your mom’s first call. “Talked to the plumber. They can’t get here until at least noon.”

“Noon? We’ll be underwater by noon. I might as well turn all my employees into a swim team,” Your mom says.

Steve shakes his head. “I was able to hold the leak until he gets here. You should be fine.”

Steve was the first person that actually helped your mother out when's she moved to the Cut. Six months pregnant, she pushed her car into his automotive shop after it broke down on the side of the road. Their banter was similar to the one you and JJ have. He helped save your mom money by building yours and Rory’s cribs, changing table, and dressers. And ever since, the two of them had been connected by the hip, although they both refuse to admit it. You think the pair are just trying to deny the love they clearly share for each other. And you think the main reason for that is because of the incident four years ago with your mom’s ex boyfriend. No thanks to you.

“Look at you constantly building your resume,” You smirk at him.

Steve scoffs. “It’s more than what you’re doing.”

You roll your eyes. Steve is the closest thing you have to a father. He practically helped raise you with your mom. He’s the one you turn to whenever a fight with your mom goes too far, which isn't too often but it happens. He usually lets you stay at his house for the night to let you cool off. But he’ll never sugar coat his advice when it comes time for him to give it. Even if you don’t ask for it. He knows growing up with Rory has been challenging. She was clearly your mom’s favorite, or at least that’s what you thought. She has a 4.0 GPA with a realistic dream to get into Brown University and study journalism. She played by every rule, never got into trouble, and spent most of her free nights getting ahead of her school work or staying late at the cafe with an open book from the library across the street. She was an absolute angel to everyone else, making you look like her evil twin.

You glare at him before turning to your mom with crossed arms. “What do you want me to do, Mom?”

“Actually honey. Can you go to Heywards and grab more coffee filters and napkins. The water soaked right through the plastic wrapping on our last box.”

You nod, leaving your mom and Steve to clean up the basement themselves. Before heading out, you sneak behind the counter and make yourself a quick coffee to go.

“Where you going?” Rory asks as she reaches behind you to grab a banana for her customer at the register.

“Heywards to grab a couple things for Mom.”

“Oh. Make sure to grab toilet paper while you’re out. I think we’re almost out of it.”

“Got it.”

Heywards is only a short drive from your mom’s cafe. It’s the closest convenient store that isn’t crazy pricey. It’s where your mom gets all her supplies whenever she runs out of things before shipment gets there.

You use to always come here when you were younger with the boys, each of you, even Pope, stealing a small bag of chips or a candy bar here and there. Little did any of you know, Mr. Heyward caught your thieving hands every time but never said anything.

The bell above the door chimes when you walk into the store. You know this place as well as you know the cafe, finding the toilet paper and coffee filter immediately.

When Mr. Heyward looks up from the counter, his smile grows. He can pick you out of a crowd anywhere, but he hasn’t seen you in a long time. Last time he saw you, you had braces and overgrown bushy brows. Now you had bushed hair and shaved legs.

“Hi. Mr. Heyward,” You grin shyly at him. You don’t know how he’s going to react to see you, unsure of what Pope might have told him about you.

“Little Miss Y/L/N? Is that you?” Heyward smiles widely, pulling your own lips into a wider smile. “I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with school and my mom’s cafe...” Both of those things were a lie. You just avoid the Cut to avoid the Pogues.

“How’s the fam?”

“They’re good,” You say as Heyward hands you your bags. “Mom says hello by the way. I’m actually taking these to her store now.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger. We miss your smiling face around her. Anette, too.” Heyward says, mentioning his wife.

“Tell her I said hi.”

“Of course, darling.”

Heyward and Anette always had a special place in their heart for you and Rory. They’re not one for gossip, but they knew a little bit about what your mom’s been through and have heard plenty of stories about your grandparents. They always thought, despite your mom’s background, that you and your sister were raised impressively. Anette always hoped that one day Pope and Rory would get together. Everyone always wanted their child to be with Rory.

As your about to leave the store, the bell chimes again with another customer. Only it’s not another customer. It’s Pope and John B. They don’t see you at first, and you wonder if maybe you can sneak out without them seeing you. But something about that felt wrong. Especially because Heyward would more than likely mention to them that you were here.

Pope sees you first and stops in his tracks. “Y/N?”

“Hey, guys. Long time no see,” You smile at both of them. You bite down on your lip awkwardly when you meet John B’s stare. You don’t know if you should mention anything about his dad’s disappearance. But what would you say? Sorry? What good would that do?

“How’ve you been?” Pope gives you a small side hug, then John B.

You shrug. “You know, living the dream.”

“How’s life as a Hybrid?” John B smirks.

You roll your eyes playfully and groan. “Oh god. Never call me that again.”

You may be considered a Hybrid by everyone else, but you would never put yourself into that category. You grew up a Pogue, the same way everyone else did around you. The only thing tying you to the Kooks are your grandparents.

“Why?” John B smirks. “I wish I was a Hybrid.”

You smirk back. “Maybe you will be one day. I hear you have a Kook of your own for arm candy.”

You saw a faint hint of blush on John B’s cheek at the mention of his girlfriend but you don’t mention it. “Sarah, yeah. She’s not like the other Kooks.”

“I would hope not. Her brother’s a dick.”

“Yeah,” They laugh.

“We miss you, you know.” John B says. Pope looks at you, trying to read your expression. John B’s not wrong. They do all miss you, especially Pope. He felt like you were the only one who really understood him. Of course his other friends are great, but you actually took the time to try and understand his passions. Like forensic science.

“I miss you guys too. It’s been a while.”

“Well, hey. We’re actually all getting together tonight at my place. Nothing big. Just a bonfire and a couple beers. You should stop by,” John B says.

“Yeah,” Pope says, immediately getting hopeful that you’ll show up.

Your smile falters. The invite makes your heart swell and your lungs contract. It’s an invite you’ve been wanting for three years. And now that you have it, you don’t know what to say. It’d be different if it was just the four of you like old times. But now there’s Kie and Sarah and although you have nothing against them, you’re afraid they won’t accept you. The thought of your boys picking them over you terrifies you.

“Okay. Yeah, sure. I’ll try to swing by later.”

Pope smiles wide and looks at his friend to see his reaction. John B grins and nods, almost impressed that you had agreed. But he saw the twitch in your lips when the question was asked.

“Great. I guess we’ll see you later then.”

You nod. “Okay. Bye guys.”

You suck in a deep breath when the fresh air outside of Heyward’s store brushes over you. Your heart thumps wildly with both excitement and nerves when you’re finally able to collect your thoughts. You don’t know what you’ll do tonight, but the possibilities can change your entire summer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You spent the rest of the day mopping up the cafe’s basement and rearranging the shelves. You smelled of sweat and coffee grounds by the time you were done and dreamt of the shower you would be taking when you got home.

Rory drove you home after the two of you closed up the cafe for the day. Neither of you said much. Rory was exhausted from running around behind the counter and you were too busy thinking about whether you’d go back to the place you used to call your second home.

You took a longer shower than usual, still pondering what your night would be like. Your head was telling you to stay home but your heart pulled you in the direction of the Cut. You yearned to hear about what the future held for Pope, and listen to John B retell stories of when you were kids, and be able to stare into JJ’s bright blue eyes without him noticing.

You changed into a pair of jean shorts and a plain red cropped tank. Rory walks into your room as your brushing out your hair and looks at you as if you lost your mind.

“Are you out of your mind? You can’t wear that,” She says.

You brows scrunch together in confusion. “What are you talking about? I wear shit like this all the time.”

“Not to the Country Club, you don’t.” That’s when it hits you. Today’s been so hectic, you forgot what day it was. “It’s Sunday.”

Sunday dinner at the Country Club is now a weekly commitment forced upon you by your grandparents. Each week, your mom, sister, and you are forced to spend one dinner with your grandma and grandpa. This is basically your mom’s payment back for sending you and Rory to Kook Academy. Only they actually pay for the dinner. It’s usually the longest two hours of your entire week. It’s hard to listen to your grandfather rant about Real Estate and your grandma slyly critique your mother in almost every aspect of her life.

“Shit. I completely forgot,” You say.

“Well, you better change. We’re leaving in about five minutes,” Rory says then plucks a gold necklace from your dresser. “Oh and can I wear this tonight?”

You sigh. “Sure.”

You change into a baby blue wrap around dress and pin your wet hair into a half up half down due. It’s gonna have to work for the limited time you have to get ready. After applying a thin layer of makeup to look the least bit presentable, you meet your mom and sister by the front door.

“Finally,” Your mom says when she sees you.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize it was Sunday.”

“It’s okay, honey. I just don’t think I can handle another late remark from Mom today.” She looks you up and down and grins. “You look great.”

Despite the many fiery fights you and your mom can have, she is also your best friend. It’s kind of like a love hate relationship. Steve says it’s because you’re exactly like your mom - almost like a sixteen year old version of her.

You really hope that isn’t true. You’re not ready to have a kid in two years.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Your grandparents are already sitting at a round table in the corner of the country club by the two tall windows that reach up to the ceiling with a view looking out into the golf course. The best seat in the house for the richest a holes on the island.

“Lorelai,” Your grandmother grins, but you can instantly tell it’s sarcastic. “Did you have to walk here?”

You speak up before your mom could. “Sorry Grandma. It’s my fault we’re late.”

Your grandparents are hard on your mom but easier on you and Rory, especially Rory.

“Well, you’re here now,” Your grandpa says. He’s usually the mediator between your mom and grandma. Although he’s usually sucks at it. “Sit. Sit.”

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, JJ shuffles through his many coworkers with his apron in one hand and a piece of fried calamari from Miss Carol’s appetizer in the other.

“JJ -” She scolds and slaps his hand away from going in for a second piece.

“Good evening Miss Carol,” JJ smirks and makes his way to the area between the kitchen and dining room where most of the servers and bust boys hang out. Some of the boys slap him on the back or shove him by the shoulder, chuckling to themselves. “What’s going on boys? Busy crowd?”

“What are you doing here? You never work Sundays,” His friend, Mitch, says.

Luke Maybank was behind on several bills - worse than it’s ever been. They already shut off their electricity and JJ wanted to make sure the water wouldn’t be next.

But JJ shrugs nonchalantly. “Little extra dough can't hurt.”

“Well, you picked a good day,” Raymond walks up to the blonde, rolling his sleeves. “You got Kook Royalty and their Hybrid offsprings in your section.”

“What?” JJ looks through the small square Plexiglas on the swinging door. He knows exactly where to look and immediately sees you sitting with King and Queen Kook, looking absolutely miserable, pushing around your food with your fork.

“Damn, Maybank. Almost broke your neck - you turned so fast.”

“Shut up, Easterling. I was just seeing how crowded we were,” JJ lied. He really just wanted to see if you were here. And now that he sees you are, he’s a little nervous to do his own damn job.

Raymond Easterling chuckles. “Yeah, I know what you were looking at. But don’t get your hopes up. There’s a reason Kooks call that girl the Heart Sucker. Not even the high and powerful JJ Maybank could get a piece of that.”

The guys around JJ and Raymond chuckle and nod in agreement, hearing the stories of how you’d reject every single guy that’s ever asked you out. Sometimes you’d go on a few dates, trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but then things would quickly become too much, and you’d get overwhelmed.

JJ didn’t like the way Raymond talked about you or how the others laughed at your expense. His hands clenched into fists, tempted to throw a punch in Ray’s cocky face. The guy’s just being a jerk because he’s one of the guys that got rejected by you, he thought.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” JJ shakes his head and ties his apron around his waist to distract his hands.

“No?” Raymond challenges him. “You think I’m wrong? You think you could pull the infamous Hybrid over there?”

JJ glances back through the window. You’re looking at your grandma with a clearly forced grin. You’re twirling your hair between your fingers, a habit you picked up when you were little to do when you’re bored. JJ would find you doing that in school all the time.

You’re gorgeous, he thought. It’s no wonder that almost every guy on this island has tried to make a pass on you, including JJ himself, but his remarks always come off as playful, afraid of actually telling you how he feels about you. His fantasies about you went further than just getting you between the sheets. He could picture getting married, having children, and growing old together. Years ago, the two of you would talk about your future. Neither one of you cared about money or fancy jobs. All you wanted was to be free - of this island, of each other’s families, of responsibilities placed on you from birth. You hold the same values as JJ, and he’s never met another person like you.

But JJ has a hard exterior. No one other than his best friends know his true heart, and he wasn’t going to let someone like Raymond Easterling find out about his soft spot for you. He would never hear the end of it.

JJ looks at you one last time. You’re talking to Rory, your face in his direction. This time you’re smiling, probably discussing something other than your grandparent’s expectations of you. He’d kill to see that smile every single day.

What’s the worst that could happen? You reject him? Yeah, that might kill JJ inside, but maybe you’d still be his friend, or continue to be acquaintances like you are now. As long as he gets to see you, he’d be okay. There was always the future. But who knows? Maybe you’d say yes? He’ll never know unless he tries. Right?

JJ fakes the same cocky grin that Raymond wears. “I haven’t failed yet.”

The guys around him whistle and shake their heads with smiles.

“All right, Maybank. Let’s make a bet. I’ll give you one hundred dollars to get Y/N Y/L/N in the sack by the fourth of July.”

JJ scoffs. “You like giving away free money?” He ignored his racing heart at the thought of being that intimate with you.

Raymond nods. “Okay. Let’s put your money where your mouth is. Get her to say ‘I love you’ by the end of the season and I’ll raise you an extra hundred and cover all your dishwasher shifts in September.”

JJ raises his brows with surprise. No one offers to take the dishwashing shift. Sometimes the boys are pulled back there when the kitchen is short staffed and it’s easily one of the worst jobs at the Club.

This bet was almost too good of an opportunity to pass up. “Deal.” JJ says.

The boys shake hands on it and the other guys whisper to each other about how intrigued they are to see this play out.

JJ wipes his sweaty palms against his apron and pushes the door open to approach your table, hoping he can hear you over his thudding heart.

“Good evening folks. May I take those empty plates out of your way?”

You look up at the voice you know so well and a smile raises on your lips. JJ meets your eyes and he winks at you, splattering your heart in flutters.

“Please.” Your grandmother pushes her plate away from her, stuffed with filet and red wine.

“JJ,” Your mom grins up at him. Growing up, your mom always had a soft spot for the blonde Pogue. She’s heard the stories about his father, mostly from Steve, who actually grew up with Luke Maybank, his cousin. As a child, he was sent to live with Luke Maybank and his single father. Lets just say, he’s not surprised by the way Luke turned out. “Look at you. You’re all grown up now. Last time I saw you, Y/N was still pushing your head in the sand for stealing her popsicle.”

“Yeah. I quickly learned no one should mess with Y/N and her food,” JJ says.

“Never stopped you though,” You smirk at him.

“Lorelai. Who is this?” Your grandma asks, disregarding the boy himself.

“Mom,” Lorelai gives her mom a warning look. “This is JJ Maybank. He went to school with Y/N and Rory.” Lorelai knew to play it safe with her wording. She didn’t know where you and JJ stood. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him and she knew better than to ask.

“Nice to meet you,” JJ says politely. “I’d shake your hand but mine are kinda full.” He motions to the plates in his hand.

“That’s quite all right.” Your grandma’s smile is so forced, it makes you uncomfortable.

“I won’t hold you up. Has your server been around with the dessert menu?” JJ looks at you. “We have chocolate cake tonight.”

Heat rushes up your neck. Not because of the cake itself but because JJ remembered your favorite dessert. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles. It was safe to save you were a choco-holic. The boys use to make it for you every year for your birthday. It usually came out burnt, none of them ever remembering how to properly make it. But it was all you needed to feel like a very special girl.

“Your favorite,” Rory elbows you.

Your grandma cringes. “Sounds like diabetes on a plate.”

“Mom,” Lorelai scolds.

“What?” She asks, not understanding the concept of a filter.

Now heat rushes to your cheeks for an entire different reason. “He did. We’re not doing dessert tonight. Thank you, though.”

JJ nods but feels disappointed by the way your face flinched at your grandmother’s comment.

“My pleasure,” He says like he was taught to do and excuses himself to drop the plates off in the back before he can say anything else that would probably get him fired.

Your mom looks at your with raised brows. “He’s cute, honey.”

“Lorelai, please. He’s the busboy,” Your grandma says.

“He’s a good kid, Mom.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” You stand up. “I have to use the restroom.”

Rory gives you a knowing grin as you walk away from the table. When you walk into the hallway between the dining area and the front lobby, you immediately feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Sometimes just the presence of your grandparents and their pompous judgements can be suffocating. You do your best to bite your tongue around them, excusing yourself when you feel yourself getting heated.

JJ catches a glimpse of your light blue dress out of the corner of his eye when he rounds the corner to collect the plates off a different table. He looks over his shoulder at Raymond, who’s staring at the blonde watching you, and winks.

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ says, walking up to you.

You look up from your phone and immediately smile. “Hey. I was actually hoping I’d catch you out here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nervously tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry about my grandmother. She can be...”

JJ shakes his head. “Hey. It’s okay. I work for Kooks almost every single day. I’m use to it.”

You sigh. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Don’t apologize for something you can’t control,” JJ says. “Besides, that’s probably the nicest she’s ever been to me.”

You hide your face in your hands. “Stop. You’re making it worse.”

JJ laughs and takes your wrists in his hands, slowly pulling them away from your face. Your eyes shoot up to his, immediately feeling a tingling feeling run through your skin, straight to your heart.

“It’s okay. I promise,” He says softly. His voice is so sincere that you have no other option but to believe him. It almost makes your feel guiltier, wondering how much bullshit he’s been through with ungrateful Kooks that it’s so easy for him to forgive and forget.

“Okay,” Your voice is a whisper, taken off guard by how close he is to you and how he still hasn't let go of your hands.

In that same moment, JJ realizes he’s still holding you and gently removes his hands. He coughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck, where sweat begins to bubble. Why is he so nervous?

“So um...” You say, suddenly feeling nervous too. “You going to John B’s tonight?”

JJ’s eyes shoot up in surprise. How did you know that? “Yeah. I’m heading over there after work.”

“I saw him and Pope at Heywards earlier today and they invited me over. I wasn’t sure if I should come or not.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Because it’s different now, you wanted to say. But you didn’t because you feel like the elephant in the room would only grow. And you didn’t want to admit you were nervous to meet Kie and Sarah outside of school.

You shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You should definitely come. The boys miss you.”

You pretend like a little piece of your heart didn’t just break when JJ didn’t say ‘we.’

“What time do you get off of work?”

“Around 9ish.”

You nod. “I can pick you up if you’d like and we could go together?”

Your heart races after you suggest it. What if he says no? Why were you feeling this way? This is the same kid you use to make fun of for pouring milk into his bowl before his cereal.

“Yeah. That’d be perfect.”

“Great!” Your phone pings with a text from Rory, telling you that your grandparents are wondering where you are. “Shit. I have to get back. I’ll see you at nine?”

“See you then,” JJ nods and turns back to the kitchen. When his eyes meet Raymond’s, he’s reminded of what he agreed to. Almost surprised how quickly he forgot about it. You were able to take his mind off of anything without even trying. He clears his throat to get rid of the giddy grin he was wearing after talking to you, wanting to look tough and casual in front of his coworker. “Easy.” He says to him. But that felt anything but easy. He could vomit with nerves.

“There’s still plenty of time for you to screw up, Maybank.”

JJ huffs. He’s not wrong.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You drive up to the front of the country club and park in front of the main entrance. It’s 8:57. You’re early and will look eager. So you wait until 9:06 to text him that you’re here.

You changed into a pair of dark washed denim shorts, a yellow cropped tube top, a grey flannel, and navy converse. You changed your outfit about four times before deciding on your first one, not wanting to look too casual or too dressed up.

For the last three years, you wondered when the four of you would get back together as a group. You wondered if it would ever happen. And now that two Kooks are involved, you feel more nervous than excited.

You jump when the passenger seat door opens, lost in the depth of your own head. JJ smiles, not seeing your reaction.”Cool ride,” he says and looks around the interior.

“Thanks,” you say, pulling out into the road.

“I got you something,” JJ says.

You glance at him with furrowed brows. What could he have possibly gotten you since you saw him last? A book mark from the Country Club’s gift shop?

JJ reaches into his backpack and pulls out a plate with clear wrap around it. Your mouth drops when you see the chocolate cake on a plate in his hands, the smell immediately hitting your nose with pure delight.

“You saved me a piece?” You jump in your seat excitedly.

“Had to hide it good too or else Miss Carol would have had my ass handed to me,” JJ jokes and even pulls out two forks. He undoes the wrapping and cuts off a piece. He waits until you hit a stop sign and says, “Open up.”

You look at him and immediately open your mouth. He gently places the fork between your lips and you take the piece of cake off with your teeth. Like a baby.

Your eyes close with pure pleasure. “Oh my god. That’s amazing.”

“Miss Carol does know how to bake a mean cake,” JJ says and takes a bite of his own.

“Another one,” You say, glancing at the cake again. Like you said, choco-holic. “Please.” You say when JJ teases you by holding the fork away from you.

JJ laughs. “I like hearing you beg.”

You slap him in the arm with the back of your hand. “In your dreams, Maybank.”

“You got that right, Y/L/N.”

The two of you finish the cake with only a few bites each. Small but rich in chocolate that leaves you craving more. You were gonna have to meet this Miss Carol woman.

After he puts the plate back in his bag, JJ reaches for the aux cord, but you quickly slap his hand away. “Hey. What do you think you’re doing?”

“You’re seriously gonna make me listen to this the entire way to John B’s?”

You scoff. “I’ll have you know Blink-182 is one of my favorite bands.”

“It’s also soccer moms’ favorite band,” JJ laughs at you.

You turn up the volume, blasting ‘All the Small Things’ and point to your ear. “Sorry. Can’t hear you!”

JJ rolls his eyes but laughs along with you, even bopping his head to the beat. You drive with the windows down, dancing and singing along to a bunch of throwback songs with JJ as if the two of you have been doing this forever.

You pull up to John B’s and park behind his dad’s old van, better known as The Twinkie. When you turn down the music, JJ looks at you with a shake in his head. “Next time, I’m driving.”

“What was wrong with my driving?”

“We’re in the Outer Banks, Sparky, not NASCAR.”

You scoff and follow behind JJ who’s leading the way up John B’s driveway. As you get closer, you smell the smoky scent of a bonfire nearby and eventually hear John B’s laugh mixed in with a female’s. Your smile falters as nerves gather in the pit of your stomach.

“What’s wrong?” JJ asks.

“Nothing,” You say, but JJ easily catches your lie and gives you a knowing look. “What if they don’t like me?”

“Who? Pope and John B? I’m pretty sure they like you more than me even after three years -”

“Not them, you idiot,” You shove him playfully by the shoulder as you two let yourselves inside. “Sarah and Kie.”

“Don’t you go to school with them?”

“Yeah, but we don’t talk,” You say quietly, not wanting them to hear you.

“Hm.”

“What?” JJ shrugs. “Nothing. I just didn’t think you cared about what other people thought.”

“I don’t,” You say quickly. “But they're your best friends. It’s different.”

“You don’t need their approval. You technically were here first.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been replaced,” You try to say it as a joke and even throw a smirk in there.

But JJ stops in his track and looks at you seriously. “No one can replace you. Not even if they tried.”

You open your mouth to respond, but you’re at a loss for words. It’s not a common occurrence that JJ gets all serious on you. Warmth covers you like a blanket and the longer he holds your stare, the weaker your knees become.

“JJ! Is that you?” John B calls out from the backyard.

“Yeah,” JJ yells back. He opens the fridge in John B’s kitchen. “Want a beer?” He offers to you.

You shake your head. “No thanks.”

For the first time, you take in John B’s home. It looks the same as it did three years ago, only a lot messier. The pull out couch looks like its been used recently with blankets and sheets tossed about on it. Empty beer cans and cigarette butts are thrown messily on the coffee tables and the air smells faintly of old marijuana.

JJ leads you out to the back where four people are gathered around a fire. Three out of the four immediately smile when the two of you approach them, but Kie’s eyes narrow and her head tilts with confusion.

Shit, you think.

“You came!” Pope laughs and hops up from his beach chair and embraces you in a hug.

You laugh, not expecting the embrace, but welcoming it all the same. John B’s next, giving you a quick hug and shaking his head.

“I gotta say, I didn’t think you were going to come,” John B says.

“You can thank me for that later,” JJ says jokingly.

“Actually when I heard JJ was coming, I almost changed my mind and stayed home,” You joke and smirk JJ’s way.

“Just like old times,” Pope says, looking between you and the blonde. The banter felt like the yall never separated in the first place.

“Hey, you know Sarah and Kie, right?” John B points to the girls. Sarah stands up to say hi, and eventually Kie follows her, not wanting to look rude, but stays off to the side, keeping her distance.

“Yeah,” You wave awkwardly.

“Hey!” Sarah says sweetly. “I didn’t realize you guys use to all hang out.”

“Y/N grew up down the street,” JJ explains and sips at his beer.

“You want a drink or something?” Pope asks you, not knowing JJ already did.

“No thank you,” You say again.

“You don’t drink?” Kie asks. It was the first thing she’s said to you.

“Not usually,” You say and hold her stare. You try to get a read on her, but she’s had to get a tell on. You can’t tell if she just doesn’t like you or just doesn’t know you. Either way, it makes you uneasy.

“Here, I’ll go grab you a chair,” Pope says and walks to the side of the house to grab another beat up beach chair.

As the night goes on, you feel the tension in your shoulders loosen and your body feel lighter. Most of the night was spent retelling childhood stories the four of you shared. Sarah would laugh at most of them, occasionally rolling her eyes at her boyfriend from the stupid shit he would do, although it sounds like he’s no different to you now.

You talked about the time you and JJ stole a golf cart for a joy ride on Figure Eight, or when you and John B pranked Pope by putting a dead fish in his locker, or how you and John B learned how to play guitar from youtube tutorials.

Midnight came around quickly and exhaustion was slowly taking over your body. It’s been a long day between the cafe flooding, dinner with your grandparents, and now this.

JJ was the first to notice you slowly fading.

“You okay?” He asks you quietly as everyone else is caught up in conversation.

“Yeah,” You say, lazily grinning at him.

“We can leave if you want,” He says.

“You’re not staying?” You ask. It sounded like everyone was planning to spend the night here. And as much as you wanted to, you just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet.

JJ shrugs. “My dad’s out of town tonight. It’ll be nice to have the house to myself.” Before you can say anything, he stands and brushes his hands against his pants. “All right, losers. We’re out of here.”

“Aw, you’re leaving?” Sarah pouts.

“Yeah, I’m beat and Y/N’s my ride home,” JJ says.

You were glad he didn’t call you out for being tired. You didn’t want to look lame in front of everybody, especially Kie.

“Thanks for having me,” You say to everyone. It might have been John B’s house, but it was everyone’s night you intruded on.

John B stands up to hug you. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

You nod. “I won’t. I promise.”

Pope hugs you next. “Text me when you get back safe.”

“I will.”

“Bye!” Sarah waves and Kie exhales a ring of smoke from her blunt.

You wave at them before following JJ back to your car.

“Nuh-uh-uh,” JJ says. You didn’t realize you both walked to the driver’s side.

“What? No.”

JJ nods and holds his hands out for your keys. “I’m not dying tonight.”

“You’ve been drinking and smoking all night,” You say. You didn’t think JJ was drunk or even that high, but you were not going to let a teenager with an ounce of alcohol in his system get behind the wheel. “Next time. For now, hold on to the cupholder.”

JJ sighs dramatically and goes to the other side of the car and hops in the passenger seat.

This time you keep the music quiet, listening to the hum of the radio instead of your phone.

“Take a left,” JJ says.

“JJ, I know where you live. And it’s not left.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

You snicker. “Not in the slightest.”

JJ rolls his eyes. “Just take the left.”

You hold your hands up in surrender and take the left turn. He directs you for a couple more miles until he has you park in front of a 24 hour diner.

“What are we doing here?” You ask.

“I’m in the mood for a milkshake.”

“We just had cake!” You say.

“Come on, Sparky. Show me what that mouth can do,” JJ smirks.

You go to hit him again but he takes off running to the front entrance and pulls the door open. You chase after him, almost running into his back at the front host stand where JJ safely smirks at you in triumph.

“Two please,” He says to the hostess.

The old cranky woman leads you to a booth off to the side next to a window without a word.

A couple minutes later, a waitress walks by and asks if you’re ready to order.

“Yes. One chocolate milkshake and one black and white milkshake,” JJ orders for both of you, already knowing what flavor you’d want.

“And fries, please.” You say. The waitress nods, takes your menus, and walks off. JJ raises his brow at the extra order. “What?” You shrug. “Just showing you what my mouth can do.”

JJ scoffs. “What a tease.”

You playfully kick his shin under the table.

“Did you have fun tonight?” JJ asks.

“Yeah,” You answer. “Felt like old times. The girls are nice too.”

You were about to only mention Sarah, but you didn’t want to cause any issues with Kie. Not yet at least. Maybe she just needed time to warm up to you.

“See? I told you they wouldn’t bite.”

A couple minutes later, the waitress comes back with your milkshakes and fries.

“How’s John B doing? You know, with the whole Big John thing?” You ask delicately, unsure of how JJ would react to you pestering about John B’s business. “I didn’t want to ask and bring the mood down,” You explain yourself although you don’t need to.

JJ shrugs. “He’s in denial I think. Won’t sign a death certificate until he sees a body. He could be worse, though.”

“Yeah,” You say softly. You don’t know what you would do if you were in that situation. In a way you felt lucky that you never knew your dad at all. It would be harder to lose him, knowing who he was.

You take a fry and dip it into your milkshake before taking a bite. This makes JJ freeze and look at you like you have two heads.

“What?” You say with your mouth full.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it,” You say and give him a look to do it.

JJ reluctantly picks up the fry and dunks it into his milkshake. He looks at the fry questioningly before popping it into his mouth. Somehow the sweetness of the milkshake and the saltiness of the french fry complement each other beautifully and his widen in pleasant surprise.

“Oh wow,” JJ says.

“Told you,” You smirk.

You spend the next hour catching up, trying to fit the last three years into an hour. JJ does most of the talking because you want to know more about what John B, Pope, and JJ have been up to. Your life was so boring and depressing, you didn’t want to bore JJ with the details.

You drive JJ home and talk for a few minutes more when you park. He seems to be procrastinating getting out of the car, but you don’t mind. You could talk to him all night, suddenly not feeling tired anymore.

“All right. I’ll let you get home before the sun rises,” He says and opens the door. He pauses when his feet hit the ground and he looks back at you. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have to work at the shop, why?”

“Well, there’s a storm coming in. John B and I might go out to surf the surge before it hits. You still surf?”

You scoff. “Do I still surf?”

JJ holds his hands up in surrender. “Just checking. You think you can handle the surge?”

“Let’s not forget who the better surfer is, JJ.”

“I didn’t. It’s still me.”

“You wish.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Now you have a point to prove. You have to show JJ that you’re still the better surfer.

“I'll see you tomorrow,” You agree.

“Great, it’s a date.” He winks and shuts the door before you can tell him otherwise.

You giggle to yourself as JJ walks up the front yard and stay there until he you see he gets in safely.

You pull out of the driveway, wishing he had asked you out on a real date. One that didn’t involve John B.

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#JJ Imagine #jj fic #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj obx #jj fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #outer banks imagine #outer banks imagines #outer banks fic #jj maybank one shot

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