#my playlist seemed to play all of the best tunes today

[yoonieper]

For the Birds— Prologue | JJK

I want you to stay even though you don’t want me.

♡ Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (feat. Yuri) 

♡ Genre: angst, smut, future fluff

♡ Rated: D for Disappointment

♡ Series Warnings: Lots of smut (not always healthy), cheating, discussions of depression, this series includes Jk in a pretty toxic environment, degradation (not the sexy kind), manipulation, and overall Jk being in an emotionally abusive situation! This chapter is not too bad, but please read with caution going forward!

♡ Chapter Warnings: Jk sad boy, Yuri being… :/, oral (f. receiving), masturbation (m)

♡ Word Count: 12.6k

♡ Summary: As the son of the CEO at Golden Tech, a marriage was arranged in the name of business. Jungkook really tried to make the most of his situation and be the best husband he could be, but no matter how much he tried, his wife just doesn’t seem to want him. Then you… you came into his life and his eyes couldn’t help but wander.

♡ Now Playing: LOVE. by Kendrick Lamar (feat. Zacari)– see masterlist for full playlist!

♡ Betas: Thank you so much to @illyrian-book-lover and @teawithhoneyandlemon for reading this part for me! If you’re interested in betaing future parts, dm me. If you're interested in becoming a permanent beta for this series please first click here and refer to 'details about the job' section for more details and dm for any questions you might have! 

♡ Author’s Note: I’ve been working on this for a while, but I got sudden inspiration to finish the prologue~ This series should get pretty exciting, so stay tuned! ← Omg y’all the prologue has been in my drafts since 2020 :’) This series has gone through a lot of evolution that I might talk about in the future. This series is very different from where it started, but the prologue has always remained vastly the same, so it has a special place in my heart! Hope you enjoy the series my friends, this one is very emotional, so prepare for the rollercoaster ahead! I’m excited to show you what’s to come <3!

No reposting, modifying. Translating is not allowed unless given explicit permission. Thank you so much : D

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“Secretary Yu, could you remind me of the schedule for the day?”Jungkook let his disgruntled sigh fill the room as he rubbed his temples, doing anything he could for a chance to soothe the subtle pounding in his head. Displeasure was painted all over his features, and his eyes were tightly closed while he listened to his assistant’s clicking heels stop in front of his desk. 

The room was dark, but that hadn’t kept his retinas from burning any less as he looked at the woman in front of him— he didn’t know at this point if it was because of all the crying or the exhaustion from waking up so early. The day had only just begun, and he already wanted it to end; to just climb back in bed, sleep away his troubles, and forget everything that transpired over the last 24 hours. Hell, maybe there was still a chance he was asleep, and that this was all just a bad nightmare his brain had conjured up in nervousness.

“Director Jeon? I didn’t expect you to be in so early.” Secretary Yu Min-ju tried to smile but the furrowing of her eyebrows made it obvious she was a little confused. This hadn’t been part of the plan they discussed. Jungkook didn’t let the moment linger, instead, gave her a firm look of exasperation that made her hastily pull out her tablet to find his schedule. 

Her usual cheerfulness was not what he needed today. 

Min-ju couldn't stop the smile appearing on her face when she saw its rare emptiness. “Your hard work these past few days has paid off. Today is pretty light. A meeting with the financial team at 12, and then another meeting at 1pm with Mr. Cho. You should be able to go home after that.” The secretary warmly smiled.

Jungkook’s eyes drifted down to the picture sitting on his desk as she spoke. It was of him and his wife on their honeymoon last year to The Maldives. They had been walking on the beach and his mother had texted and begged for a picture of the new couple; Jungkook could do nothing but oblige. Yuri had clung onto his shoulders when he held up his phone, and upon counting down to one, gave him a surprise kiss on the cheek leading to Jungkook’s eager, unnaturally wide smile being captured forever and memorialized on his desk. He couldn’t help but frown. 

He wanted to be excited, craved for it, yearned for it, but home was the last place he wanted to be right now. All that hard work for nothing. For once he wished he had more to do, anything to keep his mind busy.

“Didn’t I have deadlines for a few upcoming reports?” He suddenly questioned. 

Min-ju looked farther down her list and she nodded. “There are a few documents that need reviewing and signatures, but a majority of them aren’t due till next week. But you don’t need to—“ 

“I’ll get them done today.” Jungkook’s tone was astoundingly emotionless, completely void of the delightful emotion he had spoken with in the days leading up to today. Min-ju was at a loss for words. She knew how hard he worked to free up his day for the special occasion. What's with the sudden change of plans? What happened? 

It was Jungkook himself who had requested for her to try and free his schedule so he would be in the office for as little time as possible. There was no joy or giddiness behind his eyes like she had expected. Min-ju had pictured her boss walking in with a strange cheerfulness in his mood, rainbows and sparkles practically dancing around him as he skipped through the halls and greeted her good morning. But his tone lacked spirit altogether. Jungkook was like a husk compared to the person she said goodbye to the evening prior. 

“I— uh alright, I’ll make sure to send them to you later sir.” Min-ju bowed, before she scrambled away. 

Jungkook listened intently to the way her heels tentatively clicked while she walked out, it was at a certain speed that told him she was rushing to get out of there. As soon as the door closed behind her, he let out a loud sigh as he leaned back in his chair. 

What a fucking disappointment this whole day turned out to be.

Jungkook had planned today to be one of the most preeminent days for him and his wife as a couple and those plans were all squashed within a second last night. It had been playing over and over in his head since he woke up this morning.

He tangled his hands in his hair, his grip growing tighter and tighter on his short locks as the reality of the situation hit him for the billionth time. It just wouldn’t stop, replaying in a loop hoping something might change. That he’d wake up from this nightmare, or maybe even realize something that in the heat of the moment had gone entirely unnoticed— anything to explain what happened. Last night still didn’t feel real. 

The cancellation had been entirely unexpected.

•────•──────────•────•

Last night Jungkook had been in high spirits all day. A radiance was cast on his features by the pure, exorbitant elation flowing through his body. It was like the most beautiful display of fireworks were going off all at once, tickling his insides, and making the smile on his face grow so wide it hurt his cheeks but he couldn’t find it in him to stop. After all, tomorrow was going to be the turning point for their relationship. Something was about to happen, he was sure of it.

Jungkook was lying on their shared bed, having just recently come out from the shower. His hair was still slightly damp, and a giddy smile was plastered on his face as he scrolled through his phone. He was eagerly reviewing their itinerary for their plans tomorrow. 

D-day. The day that Jungkook and his wife were meant to celebrate their one and a half year anniversary. It might be a weird occasion to commemorate, but after being apart for too many holidays and milestones for various reasons, Jungkook went out of his way and made it a point to plan something to make up for all the lost time. 

He let his attention turn from his phone and settled on his wife who was meticulously going through her nightly routine at her vanity. His smile softened as he silently watched her dab night cream across her cheeks. 

How was this his life?

Sometimes it was a little hard to believe Yuri was actually his wife, it was almost intimidating at how beautiful she was. Her eyes were round yet sharp in their gaze as she focused on the mirror. Her skin was usually so soft but it shined even more so at that moment from all the various oils and moisturizers she made sure to use every night. Her long, dark hair flowed nicely down her back but was pushed out of her face by a cute, fuzzy, gray headband. And even in pajamas, she managed to carry this level of elegance that pulled him in so easily. 

Jungkook bit his lip to contain the smile that was threatening to envelop him entirely. 

The outfit was especially a big deal. It was different from the shorts and tank tops she’d normally wear. It had been his idea to start the celebration with matching pajamas, a slight preview to the day he had planned for the both of them. Jungkook’s heart had hammered in his chest when Yuri relented and agreed to wear the set he had given to her before she went to shower. It matched his own exactly. It was nothing too special, but a nice way to bring them together before the big day. A simple, gray pajama-button-down-classic; the material was so soft and he knew Yuri would look just as amazing as it felt. 

She always did.

His excitement was almost overflowing, Jungkook couldn’t stop himself from getting up so he was right behind her. He wrapped his arms around her small frame, and gently placed a quick peck on her neck. 

“I’m so excited for tomorrow~” He hummed lightly into her skin. 

Yuri didn’t say anything, her attention trained on her reflection. 

“What about you? Are you looking forward to spending the day together and doing all the fun stuff I have planned?” He sang. As soon as the words left his mouth he knew it sounded cringey, but for once he didn’t care. He just wanted to hear it, that she was excited to be with him.

Yuri’s gaze eventually flickered over to him before she turned around to face him. 

“Jungkook, I have to tell you something…“ She sighed. He tried to ignore his uneasy feeling about her tone. 

“Oh, you did?” Jungkook attempted to fight back his disappointment. That wasn’t what he hoped she’d say. 

“Yeah, I did,” she muttered. He hated the look on his face as he peered into the mirror. A slight frown had dimmed down his smile, and he wanted to do anything to wipe it away. There was no time for frowning, he didn’t want to ruin tomorrow before it even started. He shouldn’t overthink it.

“I had something I needed to mention too.” He went back over to the bed. “I wasn’t able to get out of my meetings tomorrow so I’ll have to go in for a few hours, but I promise I’ll come straight back here.” He had really tried, but there was no way to reschedule them any further into the week. At least that was the only thing on his agenda tomorrow, however, he had wanted to take the day off completely and spend it with his wife. 

Jungkook saw Yuri’s face drop. 

“Don't worry, I’ll be here all morning! I worked hard to clear my schedule as much as I could, it’ll just be two meetings and then I’m back.” He tried to smile. Hopefully, she wouldn’t mind the brief interruption too much.

“Actually—“ Yuri dragged it out as she looked back into the mirror to make sure she rubbed in the cream well, “I have plans tomorrow.” She put it frankly. 

Jungkook blinked a couple of times before a look of confusion settled on his features. “Plans?” His voice had grown small. It didn’t have a reason to yet, but maybe all along he knew where this was going the minute she brought it up.

“I have a friend from when I went to school in the US coming to visit.” She mumbled. Jungkook couldn’t hide the disappointment from showing. 

“Oh? Um…”

“We’re planning to spend some time together, so…” 

“When will you guys be done?” He questioned, still a little shocked that she was just telling him about this now, the day before their plans. “Hopefully we can work around it. Maybe you guys could meet up while I’m gone so it doesn’t mess up—“ 

“Jungkook, this is going to be an all-day thing.” He could see the way Yuri watched his expression from the mirror as the gears started turning in his head, now realizing what that meant. The silence that settled in the room was painful. 

“But… but we had plans.” 

“I know we did, but—“ 

“But?! Yuri I told you weeks ago!” Jungkook retorted. He was angry now. He didn’t want to be angry.

“Weeks Yuri, weeks!” He continued, unable to process this was happening. There was no way she could have simply “forgotten” about the day they were supposed to spend together. He’d literally been talking about it since they both agreed to do this a few weeks ago.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He accused, confused how news like this would just go unsaid. 

“She just called me two days ago,” Yuri argued, as if that would make this any better. 

“Two days ago— and you didn’t say anything until now?” He was baffled. There was no excuse why she couldn’t have brought this up sooner. 

“Well— look how you’re reacting.” She scoffed and crossed her arms.

That just set him off even more.

“How I’m reacting, Yuri?! We talked about this for weeks; it’s the only thing I’ve been talking about for the past few days. I’m sorry that I was excited to spend the day with my wife.” Jungkook exploded at her. He was furious, and he didn’t like it. This wasn’t how this day was supposed to go. 

Yuri didn’t say anything but instead rolled her eyes.

“And you can’t just cancel?!” He finally asked, getting up and pacing around their shared room. 

“Jungkook, she's my friend! I haven’t seen her in a while and—“

“But what about me?!” He snapped. The words seemed to hang in the air, a painful silence following it. Jungkook noticed the look on her face, and he sighed as he sat down at the edge of the bed so he was facing her. He ran his hands through his hair and took a couple deep breaths to get himself to calm down.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out like that… it’s just… Yuri, we've been married for a year and a half and I feel like I hardly know you. I know this is technically only meant to be business, but I thought we said we’d try and make this work.” He cried as he grabbed a hold of her hands. He looked her directly in the eyes, wanting her to know that he meant every word. 

Was he really asking for too much?

“We’ve hardly gotten time together since our honeymoon. Our schedules are full, and I know that’s not our fault, but I just wanted some time alone with you even if it was only for a day.” He pleaded; the desperation was so evident in his voice. He felt pathetic. 

“We can do that any day. My friend will only be here for the next two weeks.” Yuri acknowledged before she turned back to her vanity. 

“And why can’t you just hang out another day?” He asked, defeat overtaking him and his efforts to convince her. There was no point really. It seemed she had already made up her mind.

“I said she’s leaving in two weeks. We only have a limited time to hang out before she’s catching a plane back to California. Besides, we can just do something after she leaves. We will have all the time in the world when she’s gone in two weeks.” Her words were punches straight to the heart. She always says that when she needs to cancel plans— that next week never comes. 

Her excuse was ridiculous, but this wasn’t the first time it had happened. He’s used to it now and knows there isn’t really any point in trying to negotiate. 

“Yuri, I have a business trip that week.” 

“Well what about the—“ she was cut off. 

“You have a shoot in Hawaii that week.” Jungkook just sighed and got back up to sit on his side of the bed. “We can just forget about it all together in that case.” He fumed as he flipped over, now too upset to even face her right now. 

Part of him was hoping she’d just say “Never mind, I’ll just reschedule,” jump in the bed and cuddle with him because she realized just how much this meant to him, to herself, and to them both as a couple. Everything would be fine and–

But no… Yuri just sat there, seemingly unaffected by the cancellation of their plans.

He began to think it was a little sad at how upset he was. Yuri didn’t care; maybe he truly had made this a bigger deal than it needed to be. She was right in some sense— they live together and can plan something any day of the year. 

But it still hurt that just for this one day, Yuri didn’t want to spend time with him. 

•────•──────────•────•

It did not get any better the next day. He woke up in a bad mood. She wasn’t even there in the morning. Everything just made him upset: Yuri’s cold, empty side of the bed, he forgot to turn off his alarm so he missed his opportunity to sleep in, and he nearly slipped in the shower as he was ranting to himself about how dumb this was. Their annoying, squeaky bedroom door that Jungkook’s been meaning to call someone about. Even the milk for his cereal pissed him off because he asked Yuri last night to pick up more while she was out but of course, she forgot, and he forgot to tell their cook about it thinking she’d get it, so he only had a little left for his breakfast this morning.

The last place he wanted to be was at their apartment so he left for work as soon as he was ready.

Jungkook took out his phone knowing he had some time to kill and he needed someone to rant to or else he was going to go crazy. A few minutes later, like the trusty friend he was, Jimin was bursting through the door like he was the Kool Aid man, ready to listen to all of Jungkook’s problems. 

“Ok, who’s ass do I need to kick?” Jimin came in, hands up, ready to fight– which might have been Jungkook’s fault with the ambiguous text he sent to his hyung. Saying “the world’s ending, need help now!” might have been a little too drastic, but it felt appropriate at the moment.

“Mine...” Jungkook groaned, his head was on the desk but he could hear Jimin’s footsteps hurrying over, before taking a seat in the chair in front of his desk. This was routine at this point.

The two of them had been friends for a number of years now. Jimin was two years older than Jungkook and had mainly been friends with his brother at first. But when Junghyeon left, apparently he decided he needed to leave his big brother duties to someone, and he thought who else would be a better fit to watch over him than Park Jimin? Those were Junghyeon’s words when Jungkook first mentioned that he was getting close to his old friend. Jimin occasionally checked up on him when he was still in high school, and their bond grew really strong soon after Jungkook had started college. Jimin became his guide as he navigated adult life and a very real friendship was born from his brother’s efforts. 

When Jimin graduated, it only felt natural for Jungkook to extend an invitation to work at his family’s company, knowing how good of an addition he would be to the team. As of about three and a half years ago, they’ve also been work buddies. 

“So,” Jimin stretched it out. “What is it this time?” He asked when Jungkook still hadn’t said anything. 

Silence followed.

“Is this about Yuri?” Jimin finally questioned, that being the most obvious, considering Jungkook shouldn’t even be in right now.

The younger man nodded. 

Jimin hummed as he thought about it for a second. “Ok, is this another rant about your sex life because I have some—“ 

“No, no, no, well… maybe, yes? I don’t know hyung, I'm just…” All Jungkook could do was sigh, his frustration getting to a boiling point again. 

“I’m guessing with the way you’re acting, things didn’t go as planned…?” Jimin asked wearily, knowing precisely what Jungkook had in store for today. He’d helped Jungkook plan it out. The first thing that was supposed to be on the itinerary was waking Yuri up with a good time. Jimin was the one to suggest it, but the fact he was in a bad mood was enough to let him know things hadn’t gone the way that they’d discussed. 

“The whole plan didn’t happen,” Jungkook lamented as he leaned back in his office chair. He could feel Jimin’s confusion without even having to look at him. “She canceled our whole day because of a friend visiting from the US.” He scowled and saying it out loud made it sound even more unreal. 

Jimin blinked a couple of times, obviously just as confused as he was. “A friend?” 

“It’s something she knew about two days ago before even bringing it up last night. It wasn’t even a full day before our plans!” At least he could’ve gotten a heads-up. He wasn’t sure what that would have done, but at least he could have had more time to cope with the disappointment.  

“What?” Jimin questioned in disbelief. 

“And maybe, maybe I’d get it if today was the only day they could hang out, but she said they’re going to be here for the next two weeks.” Jungkook was getting angry all over again. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Jimin repeated, honestly just baffled. 

“And! And when I asked her why they can’t just hang out the next day, she said it’s because they’re only here for a limited time and that we can just hang out whenever!” It didn’t make any sense that she would say that when Jungkook had to spend days working into the early hours of the morning trying to clear his schedule enough so that they could have some time together.  

“What the fuck…” Jimin looked just as confused as he felt. 

“I know, it’s ridiculous…” He trailed off with a laugh, but the pain from the sudden cancellation made it hard to even pretend this was anywhere near comical.

“Jungkook, I think that’s a lot more than ridiculous…” Jimin tried to reassure, his tone quickly turning sympathetic.

“I know we’re arranged, but I just… I thought being married would be more than this, you know?” He leaned back in his chair. Jungkook simply had dreams for his future and this wasn’t anything he pictured it would look like. 

“And there’s nothing wrong with that. You both agreed to try and she has never given you a reason why she’s practically avoiding you.” Jimin said, recounting the fact this wasn’t even the first time something like this has happened.

“I’m wondering if it’s me. Maybe I’m not doing enough or maybe I’m doing it all wrong? Right? It had to be something I did.” Jungkook tried to rack his brain, thinking of anything he did that might have made Yuri so upset at him.

“I don’t think it’s your fault. You’re trying your best. It doesn’t make sense to me why she did this. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone, but I don’t know… maybe she wants her space.” Jimin suggested, it being the only explanation he could come up with to make sense of her behavior. 

The words sat in the air for a second, a painful second, like the wrong note reverberating at the end of a musical piece. Jimin didn’t notice the shift fast enough before Jungkook suddenly sat up to look at him, and his brows were furrowed like what he said was crazy. 

“Space? We have space all the time, this was the one day I wanted us to be a couple— or at least try and be a couple.” Jungkook chided and Jimin immediately knew he didn’t phrase that in the best way.

“I meant it more so for yourself. I’ve seen and been in enough relationships, situationships, you name it, to know when to back away. Things are obviously going to be even more complicated because you’re in an arranged marriage. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but maybe taking a step back so you don’t get hurt is something to think about.” Jimin laid it out plainly, but Jungkook maintained his hard expression. If anything, he seemed even more displeased. 

“I have to make this work. I’m obviously not doing what she wants!” Jungkook seethed.

“We have no idea what’s going on. I’m just trying to stop you from getting hurt.” Jimin's gaze filled with sympathy, but Jungkook just seemed to grow more angered as he rolled his eyes at him. 

“Like you would understand— everyone wants to be around you.” Jungkook scoffed, turning away. 

Jimin sat there for a second, dumbfounded, wondering where that came from. 

“What are you talking about?”

“Everyone likes you! Everyone practically flocks to be around you. You have no trouble in relationships– yet I can’t even make the one woman I’m married to at least be comfortable by my side.” Jungkook cried out, and it was here that any anger that was threatening to boil over cooled the minute Jimin saw the wetness in his eyes.

Jimin had only been a bystander for the last few years in Jungkook’s life, but he could hardly comprehend this was the same man he’d been friends with for years now. 

Jungkook had gone from the guy who shied away from relationships, to suddenly being the only married man in his friend group.  

He could never forget the day that Jungkook came to his apartment late one night, it felt like forever ago now. Those were different times; they weren’t the same people anymore. His eyes had been wide and petrified, like he’d just seen a ghost. It practically took the whole night to get it out of him that apparently his parents had made some kind of deal and were basically forcing him to get married to solidify it. 

Jimin could hardly keep up after he’d finally managed to get him to speak, and a lot of it went over his head. To be honest he didn’t believe it even after Jungkook explained it over and over again. It didn’t sound real. Whose parents would make their twenty-two year old son get married without at least talking to him first? It didn’t make sense.

It also didn’t make any sense considering Jimin had been the listening ear to how well their three dates– yes only three dates– went before the engagement.

“They were ok.” Jungkook would sigh, before showing a picture of her and talking about how much he struggled to say anything because of how nervous she made him.  

In the months leading up to the marriage, Jungkook had eventually heard the details of the deal, and that’s when the mood started to shift. Jungkook’s protests grew quieter to the point the wedding day managed to come and go without any intervention. Jimin still didn’t believe it, even as he saw Jungkook stand at the end of the aisle, even as he watched them get pronounced husband and wife, even as he witnessed the contract getting stamped, and even as he helped Jungkook pack to move to their new shared apartment after they came back from their honeymoon.

It didn’t feel real, but Jimin tried to remain as optimistic as Jungkook appeared when he came back.

“We said we’d try.” Jungkook told him with a toothy grin. The honeymoon had been good apparently. 

But that optimism was short-lived and Jimin was forced to sit back and watch as something in his friend shifted. Things weren’t right in the relationship, that much he was sure of. Jungkook had finally said something towards the beginning of the year. It was small things at first, things Jungkook made sound like the typical lovers’ quarrel. But as time passed, it grew more vague, unusual, and desolate. It was never detailed enough for him to get the full picture, but he could see the way Jungkook was practically deteriorating right in front of him.

He had no idea what was going on, but it was moments like this that made his blood boil. Jungkook was normally a closed-off person. He didn’t share his problems with others easily. For him to come to Jimin to talk about his issues in his marriage made him wonder how bad the situation truly was. The alarm bells wouldn’t stop going off in his head. 

“Jungkook, what’s going on?” Jimin sat up and rubbed his friend’s back. Jungkook’s office was dark but when he lifted his head, Jimin could see that the tears had finally started running down his cheeks. 

“Hyung, it’s me right?! I don’t understand why she… w-why she…” He stammered. The words caused the emotions he’d bottled up to spill over, and the tears became uncontrollable. 

“I must be doing everything wrong, right? Am I really that bad? I just… I just wanted to spend some time together. Am I really that bad of a husband?! I try so fucking hard, I swear I do, I just— Hyung I don’t know what else to do…” Jungkook ranted, sounding so dejected. 

Jimin only felt the fire burn harder ​​while his brain worked to try and understand Yuri. He wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, that there had to be some rational explanation that he just wasn’t seeing that would explain why every chance Jungkook made plans for them to be together, something had to get in the way. The only thing he could see was how much this affected Jungkook, and she was starting to piss him off. 

He got up and went behind Jungkook's desk so he could give him a hug, the younger man only sobbing even harder in his arms. Jimin didn’t say anything, instead ran slow, comforting circles over his back. 

Jimin couldn’t help but think that he needed to talk with Yuri. They weren’t close but hopefully they’ve met on enough occasions that he could have a comfortable conversation with her to at least get her side of the story. It would be the opportunity to try and get the chance to understand what was going on. Maybe then he could actually help Jungkook try and win her over.

The moment was interrupted by the blaring ring of the phone that sat on Jungkook’s desk, letting them know that Secretary Yu was calling. Jungkook quickly tried to wipe his eyes, doing his best to pull himself together, but Jimin stopped him in his tracks, already picking up the phone before he could object. 

“Hi Secretary Yu~” Jimin chirped, putting on that notorious charm that so easily put people at ease. “Yeah it’s Jimin, I’m taking over the phone for this one….. uh huh, right, wait but I thought— ohhhh, really…?… I see….. Yeah, I’ll let him know, he’s right next to me…. Nice talking with you…. bye.” Jimin frowned as soon as he put the phone down. 

“She said we have a meeting we need to go to. Apparently, finance has an emergency that we have to oversee.” His eyes remained trained on Jungkook as he grabbed some tissues, seemingly trying his best to switch back to boss mode. 

“Sorry, I probably look very pathetic right now,” Jungkook sadly chuckled as he wiped his eyes, but Jimin wasn’t having it. 

“Stop calling yourself pathetic. It’s alright. Cry as much as you need to,” Jimin attempted to reassure him when he noticed Jungkook’s lip still quivering. He looked like he was on the verge of another breakdown. “Don’t push yourself, we still have a few minutes before the meeting starts.” He tried to get Jungkook to slow down but he was already up and out of his chair.

“I’m fine… I just really needed that. This will be good, don't worry.” Part of Jungkook wondered if he was trying to convince Jimin or himself. 

He walked over to a mirror. “Are my eyes red?” Jungkook questioned, worried that it looked like he had been crying his eyes out. 

Jimin walked over and shook his head. “Just a little, but no one will notice unless they knew what you were doing.” 

He nodded, affirmed. “Ok, let’s do this.”

With that, Jungkook pushed through the door, passing Secretary Yu’s desk as she got up to join him, along with various higher up employees who had gotten the message about the meeting. 

Secretary Yu pulled out her tablet and moved a little closer. “Director Jeon, I just wanted to quickly give you a better brief of the situation before the meeting starts.”

“Go ahead…” Jungkook’s voice was shaky, but he hoped she didn’t notice.

“Production had encountered an unexpected issue. Good news is that it has been solved already so there’s no need to worry about it. The bad news is that we can’t use any of the inventory they made prior to the fix.” Secretary Yu tried to speak calmly but grimaced when she noticed the change in her boss’s demeanor.  

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and he stopped dead in his tracks. All the executives that were walking behind them came to a sudden halt along with him, making everyone nearly bump into each other. 

“Wait, what?! But production had been running for–” Jungkook didn’t need to finish that, already knowing the answer. It was far too long and their launch date was about a month away. 

This was bad. 

“What was the issue?” 

“I’m not sure yet—“ The ‘what’ didn’t really matter right now, all that meant was this launch was screwed. 

Launches were some of the most important moments of the year. The fact it had been slated for the last quarter of the year, the most important quarter for a company like theirs in turning up profit, they had been counting on it even more than normal. This put everything in jeopardy, particularly anything they had planned for next year. This line had already been delayed to the utmost limit because of numerous other complications so delaying it was almost entirely off the table. 

“Just great huh. Really fucking great. This day can’t get any worse can it—“ And he should have learned that words like that challenge the universe to see what other shit it could throw at you. 

They finally picked up their hurried pace to the meeting room, but right as Jungkook rounded the corner he collided with something hard and suddenly he was cold and soaking wet. Jungkook just stared down, his suit covered in what he could immediately smell was coffee. A sliver of luck for him was that it was iced, but that didn’t stop him from being covered in coffee— he could only imagine the stains on the beige fabric.

Part of him wanted to scream but as his eyes trailed up to see a woman frantically picking up the cup and her scared, apologetic eyes when she realized it was all over him, he found himself unable to speak. Jungkook immediately knew he had never seen you before; he would have remembered you. 

Your red blouse was tucked into your short pencil skirt, which perfectly fitted to your form. Your legs were long as you stood up, accentuated even more by your tall, black stilettos, and Jungkook couldn’t stop the way his eyes ran over the exposed skin. What seemed to hold his attention the most was your vibrant, red lipstick. For a second he was left a little dumbstruck and forgot about the coffee that was everywhere. You were beautiful, ridiculously beautiful, it was almost crazy. For a second he wondered why you were here and not walking down some runway or the face of every brand imaginable. 

He would have noted this a lot more if he didn’t have coffee soaking into his clothes. Right now he just saw you as another problem, making his day that much worse. It was one of his favorite suits too, he wore it to make himself feel a little better about today, but you… 

Things just can’t get any worse.

•────•──────────•────•

This can’t be real. 

It was your first day and all your worst fears seemed to be manifesting. You slept through your alarm, you missed your bus, and your much needed caffeine was all over this handsome stranger— though you really couldn’t say you saw that one coming. The embarrassment you felt creeping onto your cheeks in front of all the people staring at you in the hallway was enough to melt you into a puddle. Worst of all, your supervisor who was walking right next to you saw everything. 

It couldn’t get much worse.

“I’ll clean this up. I’m so sorry! I should have paid more attention to where I was going!” You panicked as you scrambled to find something to help fix this. You looked to your supervisor, but he seemed even more distressed than you for some reason. 

You finally turned back to the stranger and his gaze met your own for a brief moment. His eyes were wide and looked almost like a kicked puppy at how much sadness filled them for a split second. It really was only a second before you noticed the more expected glare of annoyance. 

“Just,” He sighed. “Clean this up, okay? Director Son, please tell the team I’ll be a bit late. Hyung, can you…?” Jimin quickly nodded before speeding away. 

Jungkook just walked past them, not bothering to acknowledge anyone any further. In truth, he was a second away from bursting into tears again, but they didn’t need to know that. Instead, he just hurried off to the bathroom and waited for Jimin to bring the spare suit he kept for emergencies such as these. 

It seemed things could get worse.

Your eyes were wide as you watched him swiftly walk past you, not even bothering to look at you. You knew he had every right to be upset, but he was a bit rude. It was clearly an accident and he didn’t even give you time to apologize properly. 

“Yah, what’s up with that guy?” You mumbled. His annoyance had been a disease and it was quickly spreading.

“That guy?! Y/n do you know what you just did?!” Your new boss was clearly exasperated and that just made you a little confused. It was then you noticed everyone who was still in the hallway had their eyes on you, their hands were over their mouths, and they all had this look of horror on their faces like you had just committed the worst crime imaginable. 

“Who was that…?” You finally questioned, your heart already beating out of your chest.

“I swear you’re going to get us both fired and you only just got here. I swear…” Director Son rubbed his temples and cursed silently to himself, a look of worry speedily etched its way into his features. 

“Director Son, what did I just do?” You asked, growing even more anxious. He finally turned to face you. 

“Y/n, that was Jeon Jungkook.”

You still looked confused and this made him laugh— a worried, nervous laugh that made you know you had royally fucked up.

“You just spilled coffee all over the CEO’s son.” He put it plainly. It was only then that the pieces of the puzzle came together and started to make sense. 

What….have…you……done?

“That’s my boss, your boss, everyone who works on this floor’s boss.” The words only seemed to set the reality into both of you. 

“We’re going to have to pray. Get on our hands and knees, beg for forgiveness, and hope he doesn’t fire us or tell his father.” Suddenly, Director Son sprinted to the office area and returned with a bunch of napkins. 

“We have to see him in the meeting too. What am I going to do?” Director Son said with apprehension, throwing his hands up in the air. He already had so much bad news to deliver and now his newest employee had spilled coffee all over his boss. 

He was fired for sure. 

You hurriedly went to help him start cleaning up the coffee, but you were barely paying attention. You were just dazed because, at this point, you were convinced you were about to get fired on your first day. 

Suddenly, someone else was coming up beside you. “What a great entrance, huh?” A deep voice chuckled as he put more napkins on the ground. 

“It’s only my first day and I’m already ruining everything.” You huffed, getting the feeling you wouldn’t be here much longer. 

“You have to admit it was pretty funny~” 

You stopped. “No, it wasn’t. Do you know how humiliating that was?!” You finally turned to see yet another handsome stranger, but this time this guy had a warm, welcoming, boxy smile on his face. 

“I do, but it made my day better. Nice to meet you, I’m Kim Taehyung!” He stretched out his hand. 

You smiled weakly, feeling better that someone could laugh about this. “I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you Taehyung.” You said as you quickly shook his hand.

•────•──────────•────•

Jimin burst through the doors, emergency suit already in hand.

“You alright?” Jimin questioned as he set the suit on the counter. 

Jungkook turned toward him, clearly teary-eyed. He shook his head. “I just want to go home.” He tried to laugh as he started unbuttoning his shirt. He would have been better off not coming in today.

“Maybe you should. Today just doesn’t seem to be your day, huh?” Jimin tried to joke and smiled when he saw Jungkook chuckle. 

“I have meetings later though. I have to stay till then.” He just sighed. Jungkook had already felt guilty about leaving and hardly being at work today because of his plans with Yuri, but going home right now seemed selfish considering the dire situation. He didn’t want people to think he was running away and leaving them to deal with this mess alone. It’s not like he had anyone waiting for him back home anyway. There was no need to rush anymore.

Jungkook spent most of his time at the office more than at home. He wanted to show that he was working hard, it was something he knew was essential to gaining everyone’s trust. Since he was still pretty young, people often doubted his leadership, but he earned his spot in the company just like everyone else did. Jungkook had been working here since he was nineteen, interned even longer, and started off at the bottom like everyone else. He didn’t want to be the spoiled, rich kid inheriting the company simply because his father is the CEO. He wanted to make sure that by the time he became CEO he would have built up the same respect that the rest of the employees held for his dad. 

As a result, leaving earlier or taking days off was something he tried to steer clear of as much as possible, but today… things just weren’t working out. He feared that being here any longer might make him explode. 

Once they figure out this whole situation, he’ll immediately go home after his last two meetings are over. Right, that was the smart thing to do. He couldn’t risk having a breakdown in front of everyone. 

“Hyung…” Jungkook said suddenly after he managed to get his pants up. Jimin hummed. “Thanks for being here with me.” His voice wavered slightly.

“Of course, I’ll always be here when you need me.” Jimin said softly. Jungkook was extra sensitive today. He usually was able to reserve the waterworks for sad movies or when he was alone in the apartment, but today he couldn’t seem to keep his emotions at bay. 

When they both came out of the bathroom, Jungkook and Jimin hurried to the meeting room ready to assess the current crisis at hand. Everyone was already in their seats when they walked in, and upon seeing Jungkook, they scrambled out their chairs to stand up and bow. 

Jungkook took a seat at the head of the table and Jimin in the seat to his left. Director Son was already standing at the pedestal in the corner of the room with a gloomy expression practically carved into his features. This was probably even worse than what he was told, judging by the solemn tone of the room. 

He was antsy to hear just how bad it was, and was about to tell Director Son to continue, when he spotted you at the end of the table. 

“Director Son,” Jungkook said, curiosity peaking. He knew pretty much everyone who worked on this floor, but you were definitely not familiar. 

“Who’s she?” He pointed directly at you, making your attention turn toward him. 

Director Son scrambled from behind the pedestal, realizing he had forgotten to introduce you because of the incident earlier. 

“My apologies, sir.” Director Son addressed Jungkook before turning towards you and motioning for you to stand. You quickly bounced on your heels, not wanting to piss him off even more. If Jungkook didn’t fire you, surely he would. 

“Everyone, this is L/n Y/n. She’s our newest member of our financial team. It’s her first day here.” Everyone gave you strange looks as most people here at this table had witnessed the incident earlier.

It’s like you made the worst first impression you possibly could have. 

The silence was deafening as everyone stared; you were tempted to run away, fake your death, get a new identity, and attempt to start your life over knowing things couldn’t get much worse than this. It took a moment, but eventually Taehyung, who sat right beside you, started clapping— slowly but surely everyone joined him. You looked down and smiled, mouthing him a thank you before you sat down. 

Your eyes flickered over to Jungkook who was still staring at you. Your skin warmed as his gaze bored into you. 

“Thank you, you may begin.” Jungkook finally said, leaning back in his chair. 

A new line of products was supposed to be released shortly before the holiday season— namely a new line of TVs that had already been delayed multiple times, all for various reasons during development. They had been forced to push the date back as far as possible, right to the point before there would start to be major repercussions. Production had promised that they would be able to meet this new date, and production began a few weeks ago. Jungkook had thought the most troubling stage was over and the only thing that was left was handling this launch with the marketing team now. But a malfunction that was only realized this morning had been noticed, and all of the inventory they had managed to produce before today was completely unusable.  

To make matters worse, the date they needed to have everything shipped out by was too close to have the now scarce inventory hit even the low range of their planned profit margin. It was a disaster and after Director Son explained the issue, Jungkook was ready to pull out his hair. Of course this had to happen today, of all the fucking days everything just had to go wrong. He couldn’t even think straight as everyone around the table started suggesting ideas, too busy trying to pull himself out of the funk that made him practically useless. He was convinced he was cursed, that had to be it because how does this all happen in one day?

This fuck up jeopardized everything— it was their biggest source of profit for the year and they thought they’d be able to make up for all the delays by having it at such an important part of the year. They already decided to invest extra in advertising to help boost sales far beyond what they’d traditionally expect. Now without the numbers they had planned for, the profit they had wanted to reach was virtually impossible. This was detrimental to next quarters budget and especially the following year. Any plans, projects, anything they had planned was now at risk, and— 

The meeting ended up going on for quite a while. Everyone panicked as they tried brainstorming ideas that could be used to rectify the situation: 

Some suggested seeing if they could push the launch back, but at this point that was even more disastrous than just releasing whatever they can manage to get done. Others suggested that this fell on production and that they should use intimidation to try and make the numbers get as close to what was planned. Jungkook normally was against ideas like that, but it was mind boggling how poorly these products had been handled so far. He had already been planning to meet with the executives over at the factories to figure out who he needed to hold liable for this. Others went on about distribution, how their department who handled Seoul, should be prioritized and that they should focus on the bigger stores, such as malls, in order to hopefully increase the chances of selling everything they could to at least get the highest profit they can. It went on and on. Another radical suggestion was increasing the price of the line of TVs to try and force a similar profit margin.  

People just kept going and going and Jungkook was ready to bang his head against the table to hopefully get himself to wake up from this nightmare. Everyone was so loud as they bickered and fought that their way was better, and he tried his best to suppress wanting to just scream for them to just shut up and walk away from the situation all together. He was overwhelmed and it was even worse that he felt unhelpful, all efforts went to keeping himself firmly planted in his chair and not letting the tears spill over again.

What ended up surprising him was that it was you who came up with the best solution. In between all the nonsense, you were also very vocal during the meeting. You were knowledgeable as you spoke, asking questions any time you could and also giving your two-sense on the suggestions the rest of the team kept spewing out. Most of your takes he found himself easily agreeing with as you countered how none of those ideas worked. If Jungkook hadn’t encountered you before, he wouldn’t have guessed you were the same clumsy woman who spilled coffee on him earlier today. It was absolutely shocking considering the fact that today was your first day and you had only been briefly filled in on the situation. 

Eventually though you had given your own opinion and one that stood out from the masses.

“Do nothing.” You had put it so simply. You argued that there was nothing that could be done and instead that they should just send out the inventory they created after today, though less of it, as planned and capitalize on the opportunity to create even more demand for the line. If production could get their shit together and deliver the product as promised, plus with the added reputation of the company, they should certainly sell, and sell quickly. While this would not prove fruitful immediately, during the time they would work on getting the next shipment together, this would create a demand that would hopefully be able to make up for any losses encountered during the launch.  

It wasn’t the best considering what they had thought this new launch would bring, but it was the best idea he heard all afternoon, and the one he ultimately picked they should explore further. The team first had to crunch the numbers to make sure they could afford that type of risk, but at the moment, waiting, letting the scarcity create demand, and gently still pushing the production team to try and get the inventory as high as possible, was what he sent everyone away with in mind.  

Jungkook wanted to hate you, you had basically ruined his favorite suit, but seeing you in this meeting had him momentarily forgetting about the incident in the hallway. He never really considered firing you. Despite being incredibly petty about the suit, he didn’t want to take his anger out on you or Director Son. This meeting just made him realize how great of an addition you would likely be for the team. If this was your first day and you had already managed to help work out a crisis, he could only imagine what you would do for the team’s future. 

But today just wasn’t the day he could forgive you completely. 

Thanks to you he was able to go home around the time he had planned. Since the entire financial team was there, they were quickly able to cover the points of their original meeting that was scheduled, and he ran off directly afterward to meet with Director Cho in his office for a discussion about marketing. It was still in the afternoon by the time he got back to the apartment. Part of him hoped he would find Yuri waiting for him with open arms, and they would leave together to start their day as he had planned. 

It was wishful thinking, but that didn’t stop the disappointment from burning his heart when he came back to find it exactly how he had expected.

Empty.

Jungkook sighed and kicked off his shoes. Today was horrible. 

He was about to head straight for the beer they kept in the fridge, but the various ingredients he found inside gave him an idea. If he didn’t try at all, how would he ever make this work? As much as Yuri hurt his feelings, he would still put on a happy face and be a good husband. 

He got straight to work, tying up his apron and rolling up his sleeves. 

Jungkook first contemplated what should make, and he decided pretty quickly once he double-checked what they had. Then he moved on to pulling out all the ingredients and putting them onto the counter. 

He wasn’t a master chef or anything, Jungkook had hardly cooked for himself his entire life— his parents always had a chef to prepare their meals. It was when he moved out that he realized how much he enjoyed it. It wasn’t too often that he cooked, but when he did, it always brought him so much satisfaction knowing he made it. Not to brag, but despite his lack of experience, Jungkook could easily follow a recipe and turn out with something pretty decent at the end. 

He decided to go with gimbap— it was relatively easy to make and increased his chances of not messing it up. By the time he had the rolls cut and ready on the plate, the sun had gone down.

Jungkook smiled as he looked at his creation. It was a little misshapen and the ingredients were spilling out from the sides, but he had high hopes on how it’d taste; he’d thrown in all of his favorite ingredients. It was cute and showed it was made by his own hands. He hoped this would be enough for them to at least spend a little time together when she got home. 

He sent her a quick text telling her about a ‘little surprise’ waiting for her at the apartment and to hurry home as soon as she could. He even added a heart at the end, a sign of peace, so they could put what the day could have been behind them and move on to shaping what they could make of it now.

Jungkook let out a satisfied sigh before taking off his apron, grabbing one of the nicer containers they owned, placing the food inside, and setting it on the dining table ready to be eaten whenever Yuri came back. 

He hoped this would be enough to get her to come home soon. 

He changed into more relaxing clothes and headed straight to the couch, deciding to continue that show he had started a little while back. He hadn’t planned to be here long; for some reason, he pictured Yuri bursting through the doors at any second, but he should have known he would end up disappointed yet again.

After more time passed, Jungkook eventually pulled out his ice cream and the beer he’d promised himself not to go for. 

He was depressed. It was worse than when he was in his office earlier. He wanted home to be his escape from the day he had, but it only made the problem worse just like he feared. All he could do was drown out his darkening thoughts with comfort cream and beer. 

Even more time passed by and there was still no Yuri. At this point, Jungkook had to call Jimin knowing he couldn’t be alone right now. He was on the verge of another breakdown. 

True to his nature, his hyung was at their apartment in no time. 

Jimin’s face fell the minute Jungkook opened the door. His friend looked even worse than when he left the office, his eyes were lifeless behind the smile he tried to show. It hurt even worse when he noticed the uneaten dinner on the dining table. He could see Jungkook had pulled out all the fancy candles, plates, and silverware, but they remained untouched; clearly, he was waiting. 

“Sorry I called you so late… I just didn't want to be alone right now.” It was more than that, and Jimin knew it. 

In truth, the thoughts that seemed to keep echoing in his head worried him. Not even his favorite movie could take his attention away from the harsh realization of what he was facing right now. He knew not even Yuri coming home at that very moment would solve everything. He just needed someone to talk to, someone to distract him from his thoughts.

Jimin pulled him into a hug before guiding them inside. They both ended up sharing a few beers together, Jungkook venting nearly the entire time. It was good and played as the much needed therapy he wanted. 

It was well into the night that after a few crying sessions and more beers, Jungkook was tipsy and better enough to send Jimin away. 

It was late, really, really late. 

He sent a few more texts to Yuri, now starting to get worried. None of them were answered.

The only thing that kept him sane was the fact that this wasn’t the first time it’s happened. She’d ghosted him before, leading Jungkook to nearly have a panic attack before she came back, claiming her phone had died. He just hoped maybe that’s what happened today. 

More time passed by and his eyes started getting heavy as he continued to stare at his TV. He probably would have fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the sound of beeps from someone putting in the passcode for the door. 

Jungkook sprung off of the couch as the door opened to reveal the girl he’d been wanting to see the entire day. Yuri slowly closed the door behind her, probably thinking he was asleep. All the lights were off except for the TV. 

“Yuri?” He asked hesitantly, a bit scared he was dreaming. 

She quickly turned around as soon as she heard his voice. 

Part of him was tempted to yell, even scream at her for abandoning him the way she did, but he was in no mood to pick a fight. Instead, he steadily waddled over to the front door where she was standing, careful not to bump into any furniture but the room had started to spin.

Jungkook was a bit stunned when he noticed her outfit. It was dark, but he could still see she was wearing this short, little red dress that seemed to sparkle even in the darkness. He had a feeling that she and this mysterious “friend from the US” had probably gone out to a club. He didn’t even feel like interrogating her. Nope, instead he finally made his way over, wrapped his arms around her frame, buried his face into her shoulder, and bathed in her warmth. 

Maybe he was a little more than tipsy…

“Missed you so much…” he whispered quietly into her skin as he placed gentle kisses on her shoulder, the slur in his words even noticeable to his ears. 

Jungkook felt her arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, a wave of excitement that he’d been missing all day washed over him. 

“Did you really?” She lulled like a siren’s song, leading him down a path to forget everything that happened. He wanted to say something, but being drunk left him unable to form any cohesive thoughts to convey his feelings; the hurt he felt being abandoned, how much had he wished he spent this entire day running around Seoul with her by his side, how much had he hoped she would just come home so they could, at the very least, share a meal together. All of these moments, memories, time, and energy wasted.

But he didn’t want to turn this into another fight, instead he just nodded into her skin. “So fucking much.” It was a little more crude than the romantic declaration he was going for, but it didn’t matter. He meant what he said, he really did miss her. 

Yuri hummed lightly into his ear, and he couldn't stop himself from pressing her against the wall, pulling back slightly so they were eye to eye, and resting his forehead against hers. Her presence was intoxicating, in a way that made all the worries so easily wash away. He was supposed to be mad, he had every right to be, but for some reason that didn’t stop his hand from coming up and his thumb gently caressing her cheek; so soft and warm.

He was definitely more than a little drunk at this point. Not to the point he was confused where he was, but he was faded enough to be wobbly on his feet, and the liquid courage was certainly flowing through his system to make him bolder than usual.

A moment passed, one that if he was more sober, he would have thought through more. Did he want this? Should he turn back? But whatever he felt in the past, it didn’t really matter anymore. His wife was here now, he should be happy. 

If he was questioning it anymore, the look in her eyes was enough for that seesaw to finally land. It was sultry, like she wanted him to forget and he wanted to as well. 

Jungkook felt the rush surge faster than any rational thought could stop, his lips were on hers in a haste to finally feel her. It was slow at first, Jungkook wanting her to know just how much he wanted her to be here with him. It made him feel so warm, the affection he’d been craving for all day was finally happening.

He couldn’t stop himself from pushing her further into the door and picking up the pace. It all happened so fast.

Suddenly his tongue was down her throat, he could taste the sweet alcohol she had probably drank, and with the fleeting reminder of the dress she was wearing as his hands ran up her thighs, an odd sense of possessiveness came over him. He had no idea who she was with, if this “friend from the US” even existed, but he had the odd feeling of making her remember exactly who she was to him. She was his wife, everyone, everywhere should know that. 

Jungkook hastily picked her up and put her on the kitchen counter that was closest to him. His hands roamed her sides, tracing every curve with a hunger and need that saw no end. Soft sighs of pleasure fell from her lips as his hips steadily rocked into hers, and he relished in any sound he was able to draw out of her. All he wanted to do was make her feel good, that’s all he ever wanted. Her hands gripped his shirt tightly and he wished for nothing more than for her to rip it off of him. His skin burned and pleaded for more. As much as he enjoyed kissing her like this, this wasn’t enough.

He couldn’t wait anymore. He picked her up again and led them over to their shared bedroom, he didn’t even bother turning on the lights as he gently laid her on their bed. Jungkook quickly slotted himself between her thighs and dived straight back to her lips. 

His mind felt fuzzy, maybe it was just because he was more drunk than what he thought, but as he ground himself into her clothed core, the sudden realization of everything hit him hard. 

They haven’t had sex in months, literal months since the last time he felt the warmth of her walls around him. They’ve done other things, but full-blown sex…

“Yuri… please….” He cried as his hand traveled under her dress to hover over her panties. Yuri quickly nodded and that was all he needed to lose his mind. 

He pulled her dress up and moved down so he was staring at her clothed core. 

He quickly pulled her panties down her legs before his face was buried between her thighs, and he was diving in for his rightful meal. Jungkook was good, using his tongue to work her clit and he had two fingers buried deep inside her, all the while he was practically fucking the mattress in a haste for any kind of friction. 

When he said they hadn’t had sex it was more so that Jungkook hadn’t been touched in months. Jungkook was a good husband, always there to take care of his wife when she wanted him. But she never let him take things further. This was just another running problem in their marriage. His sex life was pretty much nonexistent. He never wanted to be that guy, and especially with the fact that their marriage was relatively new and they were still getting to know each other, he knew sex was going to be a tricky subject. 

There were clear boundaries set, and he was okay with taking things slow right now, but does it leave him frustrated sometimes? Yes, extremely. 

The amount of times Jungkook has done this for her, he knew her patterns and how to get her cumming on his tongue in no time. Her moans and pleas were all music to his ears, knowing he was doing something right for once. 

By the time he pulled away, Jungkook was hardly keeping it together. He practically ripped off his shirt and pants, tossing them off the bed somewhere into the abyss of the darkness. 

When he turned back to her, he was practically drooling at how fucked out she looked; Yuri’s hair cascaded around her, reminding him of the angel she looked like on their wedding day, and her dress was pushed up to her thighs and the straps were brought down revealing her tits. 

Oh fuck. Now, now, now. 

Jungkook hurriedly kissed her, before reaching over to his nightstand, and opening the drawer to grab a condom. The box wasn’t right there so his hand had to search and feel his way around— it didn’t take long, but it was too long in his desperation when he was finally pulling one out.  

“Jungkook, wait… what are you doing?” Yuri asked once he finally managed to pull one out of the box. 

He looked at her hoping this didn’t mean what he thought it did. He kissed her again and buried himself into her shoulder. “Baby please… wanna feel you…” he pleaded, grinding slowly into her heat. A moan fell from his lips, the friction was desperately needed. He would take anything at this point. 

“Been so long… I missed you.” It was bad. His body was crying out for something, and he wanted Yuri to give him just that. It was starting to hurt. 

“But it’s late, Jungkook. I’m tired.” Yuri sighed, making his heart drop. 

“But…but…” he mumbled. He moved so he could see her face and he could immediately tell she wasn’t joking. 

“It’s fine, I promise I’ll be quick. You worked me up so much, just—“ 

“Jungkook, not tonight, okay?” She grumbled, clearly done with the moment they shared. This is what happens all the time. He didn’t know why he thought it was going to be different considering the occasion, but that didn’t stop him from feeling a bit disappointed. 

Jungkook just sighed and rolled off of her. His skin burned with need and he knew he had to do something. It hurt, it had been so fucking long.

He tried not to be mad but he was. He hurriedly got up from the bed. 

“I’m going to take a shower… a very long shower.” He huffed.

“Jungkook you better not do that shit in our—“ was the last thing he heard before he slammed the door. 

He tried to be calm; he didn’t want to get mad over something like this. The marriage was still new, there were going to be hurdles. It happens. 

Today had just been terrible. All the emotions he had tried his best to suppress were coming out; he was angry, he was depressed, he was frustrated. There hadn’t been one moment that he felt like things were okay, today had been just as horrible as he thought it would be and then some since he woke up this morning.

All he wanted was some type of relief. 

He quickly turned on the shower to hopefully stop her from hearing him, and got to work pleasing his body in the only way he could. His hand covered his mouth while the other traveled down his body, finally grabbing a hold of himself. 

He thought about how today would have turned out if it went the way he wanted. Jungkook would have woken his wife up with every affirmation of how much he loved her, how happy she’d made him since they got married, as he showered her with all the praise his mushy heart would come up with in that moment. 

Jungkook wouldn’t have wanted to leave her that morning, but duty calls and with the taste of her still on his tongue he would have gone to work. It was hard to be apart for those few hours. He would have struggled to keep his eyes off his phone as she cutely texted and pleaded for him to be home soon because she missed him so much.

The minute he would have returned Jungkook could hardly get inside before she was tackling him with kisses. She would have been already dressed for their day out, wearing that pretty off-the-shoulder dress with flowers all over it, knowing how much that one drives him crazy. But none of that mattered because the dress was hitting the floor before he could close the door behind him.

Another moment of passion and love as they did it right there on the floor. Jungkook would have been enthralled by her warmth and her love. She would have let her heart’s declarations spill from her mouth continuously as he held her in his arms; that she wanted him here, that she cared for him just as much as he did for her. 

Then they were finally able to pull away from each other. It was just long enough that Jungkook could whisk her around Seoul to all the destinations he’d planned to take her. They’ve both lived in Seoul for most of their lives but Jungkook made sure to pick obscure but momentous places around the city that he was sure she’d enjoy:

 A jazz lounge for a late lunch, he’d seen videos of the band that played there and he knew it would have been perfect to have in the background as they conversed. He also planned to take her to the mall– one of her favorite spots to go with her friends. He hoped to share some of that excitement and treat her to whatever she stumbled across that day, showing his wife just how much she means to him. He had pictured holding the bags while she dragged him along to wherever she wanted to go, sitting down for hours as she tried out dresses and him struggling to convey that he really meant it when he said she looked beautiful in whatever she put on. There was so much more, a day full of wonders, kisses, hugs. But the night would have ended with a nice, romantic walk by Han River, enjoying the sights and scenery in the cool September air. They would have hopefully gotten the chance to stop by this dessert place Secretary Yu told him about that she promised Yuri would love. Maybe they would have kept walking as they ate and talked their hearts out. Jungkook had practiced all these cheesy lines he hoped she would have liked, at least laugh at, anything to see her smile. 

It would have been magical and when they would have made it back to the apartment, they would’ve immediately gone back to the room to end the night with a bang. She would have felt so good, he knew she would. He probably would have lost his mind just having his wife close and by his side. His heart would have melted every time she would look into his eyes. Her hands on him, pleading, pleading for him to make her feel good. 

No, maybe… maybe even in this reality, the one where he had a horrible day, even then it would have been so nice to be with her. That’s all he wanted.

He whined and whimpered as his thumb traced along the tip, precum leaking profusely. His hand made quick work of its strokes, hastily trying to chase the pleasure he’d been denied of the whole day. 

He had to resist the urge to scream when he ended up spilling all over his hand, stomach, and thighs. It had been way too long. 

Jungkook ended up in the shower not too long after, the water cool against his skin to keep the burning desire for more at bay. Instead, he just thought about his day, how shitty it was. 

Like of all days, he got coffee spilled all over him? It sounded like something out of a sitcom.

But you… 

Suddenly he thought back to you, your long legs and red lipstick. You were definitely one of his saving graces. Without you, he would have been stuck worrying about this launch. That wasn’t completely alleviated, but the team had texted throughout the day that your method had looked promising, and especially considering what they already invested into advertising, the wave of demand would hopefully nearly double by the time the next shipment rolled out. Though it wasn’t going to be exactly the profit they had expected to bring in from this quarter, this method should hopefully in the long run make up for the botched launch.

Without you he might have still been at the office, the teams and him trying his best to come up with some sort of solution in dealing with the consequences and ramifications of such an unexpected fuck up. It was still odd that it had been weeks since production started, and they had only noticed this malfunction now…  

He needed to head down to the factories and see for himself what exactly happened, but he already had a few names in mind of people who might not be here for much longer.

But he wouldn’t worry about that now, instead his mind drifted back to you during the meeting today.

He already knew working with you was going to be interesting, and despite the rough start, he was looking forward to seeing where you might go. 

main masterlist ✩ series masterlist » next chapter

[taesanluv3r]

lost in love songs.

han taesan x reader

a short, three part, friends to lovers story.

ੈ✩‧₊ hidden love unfolds when taesan's ipod nano accidentally ends up in the hands of his best-friend, yn. a certain playlist catches her eyes, revealing the true feelings kept within the depths of the boy's heart.

part three: can't help falling in love.

confessions, first kisses, so much cuteness my heart swells. lowercase intended, excuse any spelling mistakes / grammatical errors! enjoy <3

wc: 4,019

masterlist 𖦹 part one 𖦹 part two

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

"i need to talk to you"

taesan couldn't sleep at all, her words just circling around and around in his head all night long. the five letter text message written in big bold letters playing in his mind every single time he so much as even tried to shut his eyes. he lies awake, sighing when his eight o' clock alarm rings through his ears. he was going to confess to her today. he had to. it was the only way he or his friend could get any sort of closure, whether he liked it or not. their meeting time was still in another two hours. the boy grabs his phone, instinctively going to check the messages, her messages.

last active 6.45am

seems she couldn't sleep either, though neither of the friends contacted each other while they were awake. no exchange of words, unlike the way they usually did. taesan's stomach hurts, he's restless and he just can't seem to lie still. he gets off of his bed, walking around his room once, then twice, and then a third time before resorting to sitting on the chair near his desk. with a light tap of his finger, the laptop in front of him turns on, a slight buzzing sound from the gears within the device that began to work. his reflection on the screen disappears when the tabs he had opened the night prior appeared before him. the boy's eyes glimmer slightly at the sight of his music folder, countless of demos and drafts scattered in a somewhat organized manner in the little blue folder. his finger slides against the silver track-pad, the air conditioning right by his desk making the surface cool to touch. taesan bites his lips as he clicks, a collection of his unfinished originals popping up above all the other opened tabs.

the boy sighs again, a hand roughly stroking through his bed-ridden hair as his eyes make contact with two songs in particular. those were the same songs he had downloaded onto his ipod the other day, the one that was now in the hands of his best-friend who he had in his mind throughout the whole writing process. taesan curses at himself, regretting ever even making such stupid songs. but it's all her fault, he thought, if she weren't so...her, maybe he wouldn't keep writing these love songs. he scrolls down in frustration, eyes following his cursor as they go through about a dozen more songs about her. a dozen more songs she didn't need to know about, the songs he once swore she'd never see.

the boy's finger moves up again, back to the very top two tracks in the folder. he let's out a deep breath before pressing down, allowing his own music to flow through the air. an unfinished song,

can't help falling in love.

taesan's eyes shut closed, his back leaning softly against his chair and he immerses himself in the tune. soft piano fills his ears, his eyebrows knitting together when he hears his own voice. just like the other song, this one shared that same honey-like feeling. it was very unlike the usually upbeat and, as his friend would call it, emo sound that he typically produced. for some reason though, it was somewhat more...authentic. like despite his edgy exterior the boy was just born to write these cheesy songs that he swore weren't 'his vibe'. he hums along quietly to the lyrics, not wanting to wake the rest of his family that were very much still asleep at such an hour like this on a saturday morning.

her eyes shine like diamonds, her lips stained pink like rose quartz. she speaks so loud with confidence, yeah i envy her voice like sweets of sorts. and i just can't shake this feeling, and i just don't know what's wrong. when she looks at me i'm melting, elvis was right cause i can't help falling in love.

the sound of the lyrics he wrote himself makes him sick for a second, his eyes opening and his body darting forward to hit pause. the tune abruptly stops, his heavy breathing all too loud when silence engulfs the atmosphere. taesan is tense, the sudden reality of the situation he was in had become too real, too much for his liking. the boy blinks in long intervals, his teeth clawing at his bottom lip and his hands that were pressed atop the table forming fists. the boy loses himself for a moment, his mind overflowing with every possible scenario, every kind of reaction this girl he had been so hung up on could've had to the feelings he poured out into his songs, this girl who was his only friend, this girl he might've of lost forever.

he stops himself from screaming at the top of his lungs, eyes glancing at the number on the top right corner of the screen. only one more hour to go. he decides its finally time to get ready. taesan takes a shower, washing his hair with the olive scented shampoo that his mom had bought for him on a sale the other day. he brushed his teeth, making eye contact with the mirror as he dried his hair. the boy spends the next thirty minutes trying on all of his clothes, almost throwing a tantrum and leaving the room in a mess when nothing seemed to feel right. by 9.35 he had decided on a black band tee, the faded smiley face logo of his favourite band contrasting perfectly with the dark wash of his denim jeans. he stares at himself in his floor-length mirror, his hands fidgeting in the air as he begins to rehearse every way the confession that awaits him with his best-friend could possibly go. the shy boy does this often, he finds it hard to speak with people and it makes him feel better to practice beforehand. however, he's never had to do this with her, she always made it easy for him to talk. so why now? why does he feel so nervous and...scared?

"and i just...i think you're cool and- no, i think you're pretty chill and- pretty chill? ugh! this is so stupid!" he groans, launching himself onto his bed and staring angrily at his ceiling. just then, the familiar notification sound of his phone grabs the boy's attention. taesan stretches an arm out towards it, his eyes lighting up and his body going back into sitting position as he reads the text from the girl who'd been running laps around his mind since last night.

yn meet you at the playground

the boy feels a cluster of butterflies in his lower abdomen, a small smile unconsciously making its way onto his lips at the mere thought of the pretty girl conversing with him.

i'll see you there

he shuts his phone off before she could respond, jumping off of the mattress and stumbling into his black leather shoes, all while simultaneously throwing on his coat and spritzing just enough of his signature perfume. he greets himself one last time in the mirror before he leaves, letting out a breath as he nodded to his reflection, so as to tell himself 'good luck'.

the boy was out the door now, not forgetting to bid his family goodbye leaving them to wonder what he was so jittery about. his feet trots over to the bus stop. the playground was closer to her place, almost an hour away from the boy if he were to get there on foot. his fingers tapped impatiently against the silver railing of the bench, no one else was there because no one else had plans so early on a weekend. five minutes go by and the blue vehicle finally comes to a stop in front of him, the automatic door sliding opened as he stepped into the bus. "where you off to this early on a saturday, kid?" asked the old man who had both hands on the steering wheel. "going to tell her the truth" the man chuckles at the boy's mysterious response, watching from the rear-view mirror as he slumped himself onto one of the seats. taesan watches as the trees go by, his eyes wandering over to the people on walks, the children on their tiny bikes, and the couples sharing a morning cup of coffee. the boy reaches into his pocket in search of his music player, lips pursing into a straight line when he remembers its whereabouts. he didn't even have his earphones with him, he couldn't listen to music on his phone even he wanted to! and no music meant no distractions, nothing to focus on apart from his own thoughts he began to get lost in once again.

at last, the bus arrives at his stop. taesan gets up from his seat, a hand gripping onto the yellow handle near the door as he begins to get off. "hey kid" the old man's voice stops him. "huh?" he asked, an eyebrow cocked up in curiosity. "good luck with that girl, rooting for you" the driver's encouraging words paired with a warm smile gave the otherwise nervous wreck of a boy somewhat of a confidence boost. he shoots the man a smile in return, thanking him before hopping out the door. a new sense of security as he strides towards the gated entrance of the park. he walks with his head down, eyes focusing on the way his thick shoes created indents against the grass. he only looks up when his feet reaches the familiar cobblestone that surrounded the playground.

he holds his breath for a moment and his heart rate went up by tenfold. there she was. in the rather empty area, the only other sound apart from the pumping in his chest was the breeze. a smooth blow of wind that cascaded through her hair, causing the swing in which she sat to sway slowly. his gaze lingered for a moment, staring longingly at his best-friend, myung yn. a harsh gush of wind swept the boy off of his feet, sending his body to move forward all of a sudden. the noise that escaped his mouth causing the girl on the swing to turn around and face him. the two stood like that for a while, not uttering a word and just staring at each other from a distance. yn was the first to look away, her head tilting towards the direction of the other swing beside hers, inviting the boy to come and take a seat. taesan takes painfully slow steps before finally making it to the empty swing, the old steel bar from which it hung on creaking a little at the pressure of his weight. still, neither of them spoke a word. her eyes fixed onto the two little birds a couple feet away from them, and his own ones focused right onto her.

"yn..." he begins, though his voice is a lot deeper than usual. taesan wants to tell her everything, just the way he had planned, he had so much to say and yet for some reason all of those things just wouldn't- no, they just couldn't come out. "here" his eyes widen when she speaks, the boy's gaze falling onto her hand that appeared in front of him. his ipod nano in it, and his worn-out earphones de-tangled and wrapped neatly around the device. "oh" is all he managed to muster out, his own hand reaching over to retrieve it. taesan's touch lingers against her skin, sending a wave of goosebumps to decorate her body. it's silent all over again. minus the chirping of song birds and the rustling of dying leaves as they shed onto the green grass. the boy zones out, trying to find the right sentences to say. he's distracted by the thoughts running through his brain, perplexed when they all began to fade away at the sound of soft humming coming from the girl to his left.

the tune is familiar, though he can't seem to pinpoint where he's heard it before. "that song has been stuck in my head all night, i couldn't sleep" yn began, her voice still raspy from the lack of rest. she still doesn't make eye contact though, continuing to hum as she rocked slightly on the swing. "you write so well"

that's when it all clicked in his head. the song she had been humming, the same song he had made himself. the one about a girl, the one about her. yn's compliment registers in his brain, his head falling down to hide the way a pink shade appeared onto his pale cheeks, silently praying she couldn't hear the way his heart thumped beneath his shirt. "if only i could speak as well as i write" taesan finally talks, his voice making her turn to fully face him now. her eyes are big and a small smile pulled against the corners of her lips. "well, why don't you try? try to tell me about this girl" the way she asked him, like she hadn't a clue about the meaning of his songs, it comforted him a little. how could she be so...normal at a time like this?

he stutters, looking away from her as he opens his mouth to speak again. "well...she's the complete opposite of me and she makes me feel all weird and fuzzy inside and" - "you're always weird, but go on" yn chuckles, interrupting him jokingly. the sound of her laugh making him smile too. "and well, she's my best-friend- my only friend, but sometimes...i guess i just kind of wish we were more than that...i just don't want to ruin our friendship..." he trails off, his eyes getting watery all of a sudden; if you asked him why, he'd blame it on the breeze, but he knows that the real reason was the same one for his smile, the same on for his laugh, and the very same reason for his stupid little love songs.

taesan's body tenses up when he feels a cool touch of a hand tapped against his chin, his head being forced to lift up and to face her. to face yn who seemed to have also begun tearing up. "taesan..." she says, but her voice comes out hushed. her vision begins to blur and the boy panics, unsure of what to do. "yn..." now it was his turn to press his fingers against her jaw, bringing her glossy eyes up to look into his.

"i think i might like you more than a friend"

a gasp escapes her lips. she recognizes the line from his song, she knew since last night how he felt, but for some reason she's still in shock. it was as though the night before had just been some sort of wild dream and it was now coming to life. taesan stares deeply into her eyes, analyzing the way her breathing slowed down and her eyebrows relaxed. "i..." she begins, her warm breath that smelled of coffee blowing against his nose. the boy waits patiently in anticipation, a look of hope and worry washing over his complexion.

"i think i like you too"

a single tear falls out of his eye, a sight she had never seen before. for the boy she had known all of these years never cried. yn blinks, tears of her own threatening to follow suit. his hand moves to caress her cheek, wiping away the wetness that stained it. she giggles softly, finding his touch ticklish. he copies her, breaking into a smile as he sniffles lightly, wiping away his own tear-stained face.

the confession was a lot quicker and a lot more anticlimactic than they had thought or anticipated. the pair simmering down into another moment of silence as they swung softly with the air, the cool breeze blowing against the tiny hairs on their bodies. "so...you listened to the songs, then? i mean...obviously you did" the boy breaks away from the peace, his gaze moving towards the ipod on his lap. she nods, blushing at the memory of his love song. "only the first one" yn says, her voice fading out softly. "good" now she turned to face him, head tilted to the side as she did so. "the other one isn't done yet...and it's way more embarrassing than the first one" his voice is back to normal now, the jittery-ness in his previous tone long gone. "will you show me when it's done then?" she asked, watching as he raided his brain in search for an answer. "or maybe..."

yn gets off of her swing, turning around on her heels to stand right across the boy who remained seated. taesan looks up at her confused, not a clue as to what she was going to tell him next. "maybe you could write me a new one!" she speaks brightly, "one about how the girl of your dreams, me, became the girl of your reality" she's prideful, her head facing the blue sky as she spoke. "how 'bout that?" now she looked right at him, a hopeful look in her eyes contradicting the playful smirk on her lips. the boy can only stare blankly at her, eyebrows furrowing like she was speaking a language he didn't understand. yn rolls her eyes, waving a hand in circles over his face. "hello? earth to taesan?" he shakes out of his short trance, "huh?" the exchange of words gives the pair a feeling of deja vu. she smiles softly, "i just asked you to be my boyfriend and you totally zoned out...loser" taesan tilts his head to the side.

"you...me...boyfriend..huh?!"

she laughs out loud, grabbing onto his hands and lifting him off of the creaky swing. "you, han taesan. me, myung yn. boyfriend and girlfriend" she repeats for the third time, in simpler words for his brain to digest. this time, instead of just staring at her like a confused cat, the boy grins. "wait, wait so we can be like...together now?" she groans at his question, "taesan, if you make me repeat myself again i'll toss that stupid ipod into the fish pond!" he laughs when she compains, his eyes scanning every inch of her features. the way her eyebrows twitched when she spoke, the way her eyelashes fluttered with the wind, the way her nose scrunched up and the way her pretty pink lips sat in a pout towards the bottom of her face. he must've been staring at them for a while, the girl's pout flipping into a little smirk. "what's up?" she asks, his attention returning to her eyes. "nothing...can...can i..." he never finishes the sentence, but the way his lips were parted and the way his breathing got heavier, she knew exactly what was going through his mind.

yn takes a step forward, diminishing any amount of space they had between them before. the familiar feeling of her cold fingers sent a shiver down his spine as both her hands moved up to cup his face. taesan is frozen still, letting the girl make all of the moves for him. she inhales softly before pulling him down towards her, finally coming in contact with one another. the atmosphere is stiff, the strawberry scent of her chapstick melting into his rather dry lips. the kiss lasts no longer than a second, the girl pulling away to stare in his loving eyes. regaining the consciousness that seemed to have left his body a minute ago, the boy's arms moved to wrap around her waist, pulling her into his grasp and their lips caught against each other's once more. this time, the kiss was natural and passionate. yn's arms sat around his neck, her fingers twirling against the ends of his freshly washed hair. their heads tilted in opposite directions, noses bumping as they got lost in each other's faces. slowly becoming messier and desperate as time went by. feeling a little lightheaded, the pair separate, gasping for air. his hands still placed on her hips, hers are now on his shoulders and they stopped to sink into the moment.

the air around them was warm, differing from the cool breeze that had surrounded them earlier. before long, yn's cheeks began to redden, the same shade becoming apparent on the tips of the boy's ears. avoiding eye contact, they looked away in unison, flustered giggles escaping their mouths the same way little children did when they were happy. taesan smiles brightly at her, and the girl reciprocates, the corners of her mouth dipping into little dimples against her skin.

"walk me home?" she asks suddenly, starting up conversation again. he nods, extending a hand out for her to grab before they began walking through the grass and out of the gated park. their walk was unusually quiet, but there was some sort of a comforting feeling that floated over them, hands remained intertwined the whole time, constantly stealing glances and blushing away awkwardly whenever their eyes met.

soon, they arrived at the entrance of her complex. taesan looks down at her for a moment, a hand scratching against the back of his neck that began to feel itchy. yn lets out a sigh, a frown appearing against her face. he looks at her with worried eyes, "what...what's wrong?" he stutters, though she only lets out another breath. "nothing. it's just that if i go home now, jaehyun is gonna bully me relentless about this whole thing!" the boy closes his eyes in relief, "oh, i thought something was seriously wrong-ow!" he exclaims, rubbing his forearm she just hit. "it is something seriously wrong! as my boyfriend you should be just as upset as me!!" taesan freezes at the term, a sense of shyness wrapping around his body the same way his weighted blanket did at night. yn is just as flustered, not expecting herself to say that, her attention moving to stare intently at the asphalt on the ground.

"well, as your boyfriend, what should i do then?"

his hands find home beneath her chin, lifting her pretty face up to look at him again. he looked handsome. i mean, she knew he was good looking this whole time but she swears he had never looked this...lovely before. his soft hair lazily falling against his shining eyes, his tall nose harmoniously balanced with his lips that wore a pretty smirk. "you know if you just keep staring and not giving me an answer i won't know what to do, yn" he rolls his eyes playfully, failing to hold back his laugh as he watched the ever so confident myung yn struggle with her words for what feels like the very first time ever. "i...i mean you...you should- um..." han taesan bends down slightly, pressing a spontaneous kiss against her cheek, their faces far too close and their noses almost touching.

"why don't you come over to mine? i'll show you all the other songs i wrote for you" her eyes widen at his words, "other songs? you mean you wrote MORE songs about me?!" taesan nods, his teeth showing when he smiles this time and the dimples below his eyes forming whisker-like shapes against his cheeks. "who knew emo loser taesan was such a love-sick derp" her sudden insult catches him off guard, a scoff escaping his mouth as he wraps an arm around his girlfriend, pulling her close as they cross the street.

"and who's fault is that?" he asks, the right side of his face pressed against her hair. "whats that supposed to mean? it's not my fault you fell in love with someone as great and amazing as me!" she rolls her eyes, leaning onto the side of his chest as they walked in the opposite direction of her neighbourhood and towards the bus stop. taesan laughs, "well that's just it! when you're so great and amazing like that, i guess i just..." yn looks up at him, interested in what her boyfriend was going to say next.

"i just...can't help falling in love"

the end.

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖

i want an emo love-sick derpy taesan ☹️ this is the end of my short series <3 i hope u guys liked it!!! and liked the lyrics i wrote for this and the last part too hehehehe 🙂‍↕️ reblogs n feedbacks are always appreciated!!!! tysm for reading, lmk what u thought 🧸 love, kona :3

[onboardsorasora]

❄️Enchanted AU: Christmas Part 24❄️

Merry Christmas Eve!!

Thank you to everyone who voted in the poll/reblogged with your preference and commented with your preference! I’ve taken everything into consideration and decided it would be best for me to post today on Christmas Eve because Mr Sora and I are gonna be cooking all day tomorrow before we head to family dinner. And because its Christmas (and we’re deviating a little from the schedule lol) I’ve decided to post two chapters in one. 🥰

Merry Christmas everyone! I’m so grateful you all are here, loving and enjoying this story with me and I hope you all have a restful and happy holiday however you celebrate!💕

Part 1 | Christmas Part 1 | Last Chapter

Part 24/Christmas Part 11

Christmas morning found Max following along behind an uber excited Luka and Lio. They dragged him into the living room where everyone else was waiting around. His gaze honed in on Daniel who sat in the cat nest with a cup of tea in his hands. 

Sassy and Jimmy stayed close as Daniel watched them all with bleary vaguely swollen honey eyes. Max had heard him on the phone last night, heard him sniffling through the door while he spoke to his family in Italian. 

Sassy had sat at attention at the closed door, not asking to be let in but clearly wanting to be inside. Max had gone back to his room to wait, he hadn’t known for what it was, but he had been prepared to do whatever Daniel needed. He knew Daniel missed his family terribly and Max couldn’t imagine not being able to see his own family for the holidays. 

He’d waited, staring at the ceiling in his room for what felt like hours. Before Jimmy came to collect him. He’d gotten up and listened, the room had been silent, so Max opened the door enough to let the cats in. He’d heard Daniel’s soft, stuffy snores and quickly closed the door behind the cats before he did something like walk into the bedroom and collect Daniel into his arms. 

Luka and Lio took control of the morning, picking up each gift that littered the ground around the tree and depositing it in front of the adults. Daniel smiled fondly at Lio when he brought over his gifts. 

The room devolved into chaos shortly after with the boys’ excited screaming about their gifts. Daniel felt a small pang in his chest at the memory of Isaac doing the same earlier that morning. He grinned as Jimmy burrowed into his side, not at all used to the noise and chaotic energy. Daniel whispered to him softly, humming a soothing tune when he seemed to calm down. 

Daniel turned on Max’s Spotify, playing the Christmas playlist he had found when they were decorating. The festive air continued with everyone’s pleasant surprise over their gifts, Daniel watched them all fondly. Max pulled the boys into his lap and attacked them with kisses that had them squealing while Sophie set about cleaning up the mess of wrapping paper and gift bags.

Daniel set his mug to the side as the boys came barrelling over at Max’s instruction. He saw the conspiratorial whispers and identical blue eyed looks, before the boys came running. They slotted themselves easily into Daniel’s space– jostling the cats a bit before they all settled.

“Hello boys! Do you like all your gifts?” Daniel smiled at the both of them.

“Uncle Daniel, are you sad?” Luka asked softly.

“It's Christmas! You can’t be sad!” Lio piped up urgently.

Daniel felt his heart flutter when he looked up to find Max watching them closely.

“I’m not sad, I just miss my family a little. They opened presents this morning and my nephew Issac got a plushie almost like yours!” Daniel didn’t want the boys to be sad because of him.

“He did?” Lio’s eyes widened.

“He did! He got a dino!”

This distracted the boys enough and they started chattering about which of the plushies they thought would eat the others and which ones would be good at hiding. Daniel let their enthusiasm wash over him for a bit, smiling fondly at them.

“Sassy says the kitty would beat the dino.” Daniel interrupted and they both looked at Sassy, scandalized. Sassy licked her paws lazily as if to say ‘I said what I said.’

“Jimmy says the lion is the best one.” 

“Well of course! Everyone knows lions are the best!” Max piped up from the couch. 

“What's your favourite animal uncle Daniel?” Luka asked with wide eyes.

“Well I like kitties and horses. But my mama says I’m a honey badger. They’re not afraid of anything.”

The boys looked like Daniel just blew their mind with new information. It was around that time what Victoria came over to corral them for breakfast. The boys sprinted off to the kitchen to sit in the little nook. Max came over to help Daniel up and out of the cozy nest, he grasped his arm and pulled. Daniel stumbled a little and grabbed onto Max’s bicep for support.

Daniel stilled for a moment, he even felt himself stop breathing and locked eyes with Max. His heart fluttered with new found awareness but it settled soon after, knowing it had nowhere to go. Like a tummy ache after some ginger tea, doused.

“You didn’t open your presents.” Max tore his eyes away from Daniel’s to the small stack of unopened gifts. 

“Oh! I was so caught up in watching the boys.” Daniel blushed. He untangled himself from Max’s hold and scooped up the little pile of gift bags. “Which one should I open first?” Daniel sucked his bottom lip between his teeth.

Max plucked a small bag from the group, “this one,” he said. Daniel eyed it curiously and put the rest of the bags down. The card read that it was from Max and Daniel felt shy to open it all of a sudden, he hadn’t seen when Max had opened his gift and distantly he hoped he liked it. It was something Michelle helped him pick out and she bought it for him online and got it shipped in time. It was a platinum bracelet, to match his collection, with paw prints and cat ears stamped in a pattern.

Daniel opened the sealed bag and Max held it steady while he dipped his hand inside. He bypassed the decorative tissue paper and his eyes widened when his fingers hit something delicate. He looked up at Max as he pulled the item out of the bag, it was a necklace. He recognized it immediately from the shop in the marketplace. It was silver with a glossy blue gemstone pendant. There was a cluster of stars in the pendant that reminded Daniel of the stars at home; bright and sparkling in the dark expanse of the sky. You couldn’t see the stars like that here.

Daniel’s hand shook as he took in the gift, swiping his thumb reverently over the pendant. His heart cracked open a bit, he felt like crying.

“I didn’t know what to get you and you were looking at it at the marketplace–” Max jumped to explain when Daniel had been silent too long.

“Thank you.” Daniel sniffed, he looked up at Max with watery eyes. “I love it.”

“You do?” Max was skeptical, and a little bit worried.

“Promise.” Daniel grinned before holding it out for Max to help him put it on. The metal felt cool on his skin and he lifted his hand to trace the circumference of the pendant. His rose bloomed a little, petals opening delicately.

Max watched Daniel closely, warmed that he seemingly did like the gift, but still a little worried. Sophie called after them again, stopping anything else that Max would have said. 

~*~

Daniel threw his head back in a full body laugh, pointing out into the ocean. 

“Again! Again!” Lio tugged Daniel’s arm, a wide grin on his face.

“No!” Max yelled from below them, he clambered back onto his paddleboard and flashed his wet hair out of his face. He stretched out on his belly, trying his hardest not to slide off the now slippery surface, and reached for his errant paddle. “Daniel!” he cried out when a bottled-nose breached the surface under his arm and toppled him back into the crisp water. When he surfaced again he could see Luka and Lio doubled over in childish glee. 

Daniel shrugged at him with a helpless grin. Sure, he was totally helpless. Sitting safely on the yacht and calling the dolphins from the nearest pod to come harass Max in the water. Max swam to the stern and pulled himself up the stairs. He left his paddle board in the water, it was the dolphins’ now.

Walking onto the deck, Max scooped up Luka and Lio and shook seawater onto them while they squealed. He let them go when he felt like they were reasonably soaked and prowled to Daniel who was trying to scurry away while hiding behind Vic. 

“Save meeeee” Daniel laughed and Vic cackled before slipping away. Max scooped up and threw Daniel over his shoulder before taking the quickest route and propelling them off the side of the yacht. Daniel’s yell was cut off when they splashed down into the water. Max surfaced first, wiping his face with a grin.

“Whoa hey!” He yelled once he found himself airborne and crashing into the water again. He groaned when he surfaced again to see Daniel bobbing along holding on to the fin of one of the dolphins from earlier. “That’s not fair!” Max complained, raising a hand to point out the obvious. 

“I can call some seagulls if you want? There's like a bunch of em over there!” Daniel’s grin was cheeky and the dolphin beneath him clicked his laughter. 

“You’re using your powers for evil, I think.” Max teased, grabbing his previously discarded paddle board and clambering on. Daniel glanced quickly at his thighs before looking away. The dolphin whistled and clicked and Daniel looked back at it scandalized.

“Shush you!” Daniel fought his blush, he couldn't believe he was being called out by a dolphin right now. Max laughed gleefully, he had no clue what was going on but clearly he now had the upper hand. The dolphin brought Daniel to the paddleboard and he gingerly climbed on infront of Max before waving the mammal off.

“Where is it going?”

“There’s some whales passing by so the pod’s gone to play with them.”

Max made a small noise to say he heard and watched Daniel as he gazed out into the open ocean. They’d been in the bay all afternoon, letting Christmas day lazily pass by out on the water. Everyone loved it, it was a nice change of pace from winter and Max couldn’t say he regretted not having Christmas in Belgium this year. 

Daniel stretched in front of him and Max couldn’t help but map all the exposed skin. Couldn't keep himself from categorizing every mole and freckle. Daniel seemed to glow in the sunlight as if he were absorbing the sun’s rays like energy. His ship tattoo hadn’t stopped moving since they touched the water, it was ‘cutting through the waves’ as if it knew Daniel was traveling by sea. The lighthouse flashed lazily.

“Can we stay out here til the sun sets?” Daniel asked quietly and Max looked up from his tattoo watching to see Daniel staring at him, his head tilted curiously. Framed by the endless turquoise of the sea and the warm rays of just before golden hour– Daniel was a vision. His curls were flattened, heavy with sea water. No doubt they’ll be wild and free once dry. Daniel’s eyes sparkled in the sun and Max wanted to cup his cheeks in both hands and kiss the salt from his lips.

“Sure we can.” Max’s voice was raspy from all of the yelling and laughing. He drank in Daniel’s answering smile, it was soft. One Max was getting used to seeing lately. He wondered what it meant.

“Do you want to get dinner later? Maybe after everyone leaves?” Max did the math in his head, his family were leaving after boxing day to spend new years with his aunts and grandmother. They would have time before all the guys came back and would want to meet up, before he would have to start thinking about work again.

Daniel stretched his arms in front of him, his face ducking shyly into his shoulders. He bit his lip. “Yeah.” his answer was followed by a blush, one Max tracked down his neck. A breeze blew and Daniel shivered. “Let's go back to the boat, I think.” Max broke out of his trance and scooped up the paddle, turning it properly into the water. He eased up onto his knees and Daniel clambered up in front of him and wobbled before clutching the paddle on all fours.

Max guided them back to the yacht from where they had floated languidly off. He kept his eyes on the boat, of course, and not on the muscles in Daniel’s tanned back. Not on the arch in said back or the dripping tattoos on the back of his thigh. Thank you very much.

And it was because he wasn’t looking (because he wasn’t!) that he didn’t notice how when they got closer to the boat, and Luka started mimicking Daniel’s dolphin toss, how Daniel’s neck looked from this angle when he threw his head back in a laugh. Because he absolutely didn’t notice any of this. Not the tiny-ness of Daniel’s waist or the flare of his hips. He saw none of this.

They dried down on the boat and Daniel immediately put on his oversized hoodie. He snuggled down into the fleece like Sassy does when he holds her. 

“Look Oma the sun is setting!” Lio pointed out into the horizon. They all sat on the deck of the boat huddled together, watching as the sky turned its pinks and oranges and purples. The sun was almost set, less than half of a circle when

“Look look look!” Daniel pointed and as soon as he did, a dolphin crested the water in front of the sun. A few more alighted after it and then finally a baby dolphin, to the cries of wonder of everyone. 

Sophie clutched Daniel close, thanking and praising him for the wonderful surprise gift. They all chattered excitedly about the little show that was just for them as their captain took them slowly into the harbour.

It was well into the night by the time they got back home. The boys had fallen asleep shortly after the sunset and stayed asleep until Vic and Tom attempted to wipe them down for bed. That turned into fussy toddlers who only agreed to a bath and some dinner if their uncle Max read them a bedtime story. 

That then morphed into a bedtime story and special voices. Which then morphed to a Q&A about whether Jimmy and Sassy could read and what their voices sounded like. Daniel had taken over the failed story time and had the boys cuddled on the patio in the daybed, feeling the cool breeze around them.

Daniel paused to think of his answers, “well Jimmy sounds like a cartoon character sometimes. His voice gets like a little squeaky. Especially when we scare him– hey don’t be mad Jimmy, I like your voice!” Daniel snorted when Jimmy got up and pranced away from the warm cuddle pile. Max walked out onto the patio eyes on the floor, eyeing Jimmy’s miffed storm off.

“What’s wrong with him?” Max got confused when Luka laughed.

“Uncle Daniel says Jimmy’s voice is squeaky like this! And Jimmy didn’t like it.” He reiterated gleefully, altering his voice to ‘mimic’ Jimmy’s. Max huffed a laugh and shook his head.

Max scooped up Luka when the little one couldn’t fight his yawn anymore. Lio was already snuggling into Daniel’s arms. Max helped Daniel stand, bracing him when he stumbled forward a little.

“Uncle Max, when is it gonna snow?” Luka asked sleepily.

“It’s not gonna snow here bub, it's rare.”

“What’s rare mean?”

“It means it won’t get cold enough here to snow and if it does, then of course it's special.”

“Like uncle Daniel.” Lio breathed, adding his two cents to the conversation. Daniel and Max’s eyes widened in surprise. They both looked down at the almost asleep toddler before looking back at each other. Daniel blushed fiercely, and Max’s gaze felt heavy.

“Yes, like uncle Daniel.” Max confirmed. Luka looked up to say something else when he gasped loudly. Max’s gaze snapped to his face but Luka was too busy looking and pointing above them. Above them, the small sprig of mistletoe swayed in the breeze.

Daniel froze like a deer in headlights. Max swallowed thickly, like he just ate a spoonful of honey.

“You’re standing under the mistletoe! You have to kiss each other!” Luka said excitedly, Lio sprang awake at his brother’s tone to join in the cheering.

“Well, we’re standing here with you so we should kiss you!” Daniel reasoned, pulling Lio closer. The toddler fussed out of his hand until Daniel set him on his own feet. He rubbed at his eyes with a fist.

“You have to kiss uncle Max, uncle Daniel. That's what you said!” Lio reminded and Luka agreed, shuffling down until Max let him go as well. 

Daniel twisted his fingers in his hands, oh no. He opened his mouth to say something, to tell Max that he didn’t have to and that it was ok. But then Max shrugged and stepped closer into his space. He cupped Daniel’s cheek in his large hand and Daniel exhaled a breath in the now smaller space between their faces. 

Max watched as Daniel licked his lip and he took in the nervous movement of Daniel’s eyes. 

“Max?” Daniel breathed and Max pressed their lips together, swallowing anything else Daniel might have said. He kept it chaste, mindful that his nephews were present. But that was as far as thoughts went for Max. Daniel’s lips felt better than he thought they would, he wanted to keep kissing him all night. To brush his hand through Daniel’s wild curls. Distantly he heard the boys cheer and pulled back, smirking at Daniel’s dazed expression.

Daniel’s blush was noticeable now, extending down his neck. He felt… indescribable. He had wanted that for so long, Max tasted amazingly. He ignored Sassy’s chirps, trying to get his brain back online. It was amazing. 

But it wasn’t right. 

Max didn’t want to kiss him, it was the stupid mistletoe. He wouldn’t– he wouldn’t have otherwise, he hadn’t before now. He thought about when they were decorating the tree, but that hadn’t counted either. They had been drinking. There could have been other times, but there weren’t. Because Max hadn’t wanted to do this. 

Daniel bit his lip to keep from crying, he glanced up at the twig and leaves again, mocking him from where he put it in the first place. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Daniel didn’t look at Max, didn’t want to see– he didn’t know what he would find. And it was probably for the best that he didn’t attempt to find out. Sassy meowed at him and he ignored that too, she was wrong.  

Bending over, he ushered the boys inside. It was their bedtime.

Max watched him go with a complicated look on his face. Sassy's sounds went unanswered and Max pushed his fingers through his hair with a small sigh. Vic leaned against the door jam and watched him.

“Everything alright?” She asked softly and Max shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck now. 

“I… dunno. He doesn't look too happy that that happened, I think.”

“Maybe he's a little embarrassed.”

“Yeah, no. Maybe he didn't want to kiss me. Maybe he doesn't like me like that.” Max shrugged, trying to go for uncaring but he knew he failed. Vic could see right through him.

“We all can see the heart eyes you make at each other.” Vic deadpanned, her brother wasn't serious.

“It's fine Vic. Maybe we just need to talk about it, I think. I asked him to dinner when you guys leave y’know.”

Vic nodded with a small smile, she would let this go and trust her brother to fix it. Max watched her go back inside, everyone was shuffling around ready for bed– it had been a long day.

He sighed and glanced up at the mistletoe that swayed gently, unknowing the chaos it’s caused. He quietly locked up and went to bed.

Next Chapter

[toongrrl-blog]

More Benvi Playlist

What are you doing just sitting there? Listen to some tunes at least ;)

"Let's Leave the Lights On Tonight" Johnny Rodriguez

We’ll let them old memories die

We’ll be just you and I

Somehow it all feels so right

2. "A Matter of Trust" Billy Joel

Let’s leave the lights on tonight

I'm sure you're aware, love

We've both had our share of

Believing too long

3. "Feels Like the First Time" Foreigner (also a Trenor song)

When the whole situation was wrong

And I know that it must be the woman in you

That brings out the man in me

I know I can't help myself

And it feels like the first time

You're all that my eyes can see

Like it never did before

Feels like the first time

Feels like the first time

Like we've opened up the door

Like it never will again

4. "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood" Nina Simone or The Animals

Never again

Baby, do you understand me now

Sometimes I feel a little mad

Well, don't you know that no-one alive

Can always be an angel

5. "Torn Between Two Lovers" Mary MacGregor

When things go wrong I seem to be bad

Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool

Loving both of you is breaking all the rules

Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool

6. "Never Really Over" Katy Perry (suggested by @fishyyyyy99 )

Loving you both is breaking all the rules

Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?

7. "Hanging on the Telephone" Blondie

Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over

It's good to hear your voice, you know it's been so long

If I don't get your calls, then everything goes wrong

8. "Listen to Her Heart" Tom Petty

I want to tell you something you've known all along

She's my girl

And you just can't creep up behind her

And you can't understand that she's my girl

It's gonna tell her what to do

Yeah, she's gonna listen to her heart

She might need a lot of loving

But she don't need you

9. "Fools Rush In" Ricky Nelson

Just open up your heart and let this fool rush in.

Well, open up your heart and let this fool rush in...

10. "It's Now or Never" Elvis Presley

I spent a lifetime

Waiting for the right time

Now that you're near

The time is here, at last

It's now or never

Come hold me tight

Kiss me my darling

Be mine tonight

Tomorrow will be too late

It's now or never

My love won't wait

11. "Act Naturally" Buck Owens or the Beatles or Buck Owens w/ Ringo Starr

Well, I hope you come to see me in the movie

Then I know that you will plainly see

The biggest fool that's ever hit the big time

And all I gotta do is act naturally

12. "Queen of Hearts" Juice Newton

Playing with the queen of hearts, and knowing it ain't really smart

The joker ain't the only fool who'll do anything for you

I'm laying out another lie, I'm thinking 'bout a life of crime

'Cause that's what I'll have to do to keep me away from you

13. "Send Me No Flowers" Doris Day

Call me up and say that you're on your way

Til you're back how lonely I'll be

Send me no flowers today

Instead of sending flowers come back to me

And love me just as I love you

14. "Time Won't Let Me" The Outsiders

Can't you see I've waited too long to love you

To hold you in my arms

Time won't let me

Time won't let me

Time won't let me aw

Oh

15. "Head Over Heels" Tears for Fears

I wanted to be with you alone

And talk about the weather

But traditions I can trace against the child in your face

Won't escape my attention

You keep your distance with a system of touch

And gentle persuasion

I'm lost in admiration, could I need you this much?

Oh, you're wasting my time

You're just, just, just wasting time

Something happens and I'm head over heels

I never find out till I'm head over heels

Something happens and I'm head over heels

Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart

Don't, don't, don't throw it away

16. "Just What I Needed" The Cars

I guess you're just what I needed

(Just what I needed)

I needed someone to feed

I guess you're just what I needed

(Just what I needed)

I needed someone to bleed

17. "What Is Life?" George Harrison

What is my life without your love?

Tell me who am I without you by my side

Oh, tell me what is my life without your love

Tell me who am I

18. "Hello It's Me" Todd Rundgren

Think of me

You know that I'd be with you if I could

I'll come around to see you once in a while

Or if I ever need a reason to smile

And spend the night if you think I should

19. "All This Time It Was You" Ginger Foutley

You were right there from the start

And what might be the strangest part

Is while I sure enjoyed the view

Of seeing everything brand new

It's still you

20. "Words" F.R. David

Words don't come easy to me

How can I find a way to make you see I love you

Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me

This is the only way for me to say I love you

Words don't come easy

21. "Sway" The Kooks

Still I need your sway, because you always pay for it

And I, and I need your soul

Because your always soulful

And I and I need your heart,

Because your always in the right places

22. "Stay Awhile" Dusty Springfield or She & Him

Oh, I hate to see you go

Tell you what I'll do

I'll be good to you

I'll make you glad that you are mine

So come on baby

23. "Hysteria" Def Leppard

I gotta know tonight

If you're alone tonight

Can't stop this feelin'

Can't stop this fire

24. "Slowly" Ann-Margret

Come on and kiss me again but this time slowly

Not so fast, make it last, you're talking too fast

Honey make it last, oh, not so fast, yeah

25. "I Beg Your Pardon, I Never Promised You A Rose Garden" Lynn Anderson

I beg your pardon

I never promised you a rose garden

Along with the sunshine

There's gotta be a little rain sometime

When you take you gotta give so live and let live or let go

26. "Baby I Need Your Loving" The Four Tops

Empty nights echo your name

Whoa, sometimes I wonder

Will I ever be the same?

27. "The More I See You" Chris Montez

The more I see you, the more I want you

Somehow this feeling just grows and grows

With every sigh, I become more mad about you

More lost without you and so it goes

28. "Expressway to Your Heart" Soul Survivors

I was wrong, baby, I took too long

I got caught in the rush hour

A fellow started to shower

You with love and affection

Come on, look in my direction

29. "Here It Comes Again" The Fortunes

Then there's nothing left for me to say

You no, you no, you no you broke my heart

Here it comes again, that feeling

Here it comes again

30. "Rhaspody in the Rain" Lou Christie

And in this car our love went much too far

It was exciting as thunder

Tonight I wonder where you are

The windshield wipers seemed to say

"Together - together - together - together"

And now they are saying

"Oh, ne... ver, ne... ver"

Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, baby

31. "I Saw the Light" Todd Rundgren

Though we had our fling (we had our fling)

I just never would suspect a thing (suspect a thing)

'Til that little bell began to ring (began to ring)

In my head, in my head

But I tried to run (I tried to run)

Though I knew it wouldn't help me none (not help me none)

'Cause I couldn't ever love no one

Or so I said

But my feelings for you

Were just something I never knew

'Til I saw the light

In your eyes (in your eyes)

32. "Party Lights" Claudine Clark

Too late and mama dear, oh tell me, do you hear?

We're partying tonight

I tell you, I can't sleep, because across the street

Oh-oh, oh-oh, I see the party lights

33. "She's Got the Devil in Her Heart" The Beatles (Susan J. Douglas thoughts on this song's meaning was "just how long were we going to behave ourselves, anyway, especially when behaving yourself as a girl meant not having any fun?")

I'll take my chances

For romance is

So important to me

She'll never hurt me

She won't desert me

She's an angel sent to me

She's got the devil in her heart

No, no, this I can't believe

She's gonna tear your heart apart

No, no, nay, will she deceive

34. "The Hard Way" Mary Chapin Carpenter

Show a little inspiration, show a little spark

And show that things that drew me to you and stole my heart

And tell me something I don't know instead of everything I do

And look at me as if I mean something to you

Our hearts are beating while we sleep, but while we're wide awake

You know the world won't stop, and actions speak louder

Listen to your heart, and what your heart might say

Everything we got, we got the hard way

35. "Big Shot" Billy Joel

Because you had to be a big shot, didn't you

You had to open up your mouth

You had to be a big shot, didn't you

All your friends were so knocked out

You had to have the last word, last night

You know what everything's about

You had to have a white hot spotlight

You had to be a big shot last night

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/14/23

oops! all friend recs edition. this post brought to you by viewers like you. thank you!

listening

green day's last ride in, courtesy of @dying-suffering-french-stalkers. this DOES belong on a daisuke jigen lupinthethird playlist ur correct. not quote four minutes of a laid back, surf rock instrumental. above all this is the american genre of music that Wants you to think it sounds effortlessly cool, and jigen is one of very few fictional characters who puts that much work into looking effortlessly cool.

ran across some apocryphal reddit posts that are like "yeah they came up with this riff during a sound check and liked it so much they decided it didn't need lyrics". sure i'll buy that!

-

reading

The Skylark of Space by E.E. "Doc" Smith, courtesy of @believerindaydreams. restarting this audiobook available through my library, which is apparently the 1946 hardcover edition that differs wildly from editions before and after. what are those differences? who can say! i cannot easily find a breakdown!

critical reception of this book was mixed. i think the criticisms about scientific plausibility (even by 1919 standards) and dialogue are warranted. doc smith was a chemical engineer, who are certainly. types of guys. most of the fun of this book (for me) comes in recognizing the building blocks of the space opera. i like peeling up the seams and following this novel's construction decisions. i don't fully agree that this is where space operas started, but arguments about how it's the most imitated space opera are convincing.

it's quite rare i listen to an audiobook bc my ears are not friends with my brain, and it's easier to listen to chattier podcasts where if i tune out for a moment i don't miss much. the reader? performer? reed mccolm has a voice i do better with (neutral american accent in the baritenor range). i don't really know if i'd find the paper version easier or harder to follow, bc mr mccolm is doing his absolute fucking best with the voicework but doc smith does not seem overly fond of dialogue tags. it is occasionally difficult to figure out who's speaking.

a line that made me stop folding laundry and yell HELLO??? out loud: "Each girl looked at the other, and liked what she saw." unfortunately no gay shit seems to be going on, but we spend a fuck of a lot of time in this chapter going over how the spaceship works, so it's very possible they're engaging in quiet bisexualism in the background and doc smith has simply not noticed. gay shit going on in the background is not critical to our understanding of how the spaceship works.

-

watching

What's Up Doc? (1972, dir. Bogdanovich) courtesy of @nikkifromtabs. i had a fucking marvelous time with this screwball comedy. i could not give you any of the finer details of the plot or who has what bag when but i enjoyed every goddamn minute. as i write this on monday night it is singlehandedly responsible for improving a miserable day. MANY short sharp barks of laughter

i love screwballs but they tend to stress me the fuck out-- bringing up baby is verging on a horror movie for me. even though streisand's character would be the very best of friends with hepburn's character in bringing up baby, this movies stresses me the fuck out WAY less. perhaps its bc it feels more like a stage play, or more deliberately humorous, or just that the stakes feel way lower. the mile a minute dialogue is best appreciated with subtitles

can we go back to the halycon days when dudes were not waxed bare and dangerously dehydrated in order to have a shirtless scene? ryan o'neal is a handsome if slightly bland man and he looks like Just Some Guy with his shirt off. great! love it! give me more!

i was going to write a whole little thing about "everyone is beautiful and no one is horny" but we can boil it down to "seventies beauty standards are wildly different from today's" and "everyone in this movie is almost always too busy sliding in and out of various scrapes to be horny"

kung fu hustle, arsenic & old lace, and this movie are now in a three-way tie for my favorite comedy.

-

playing

Dead Man's Rest courtesy of @jaimehwatson who recced this nearly three years ago and @pasta-pardner who gifted it to me last week. i have played it for three hours got three different routes and none of them are "happy". are any of them happy? is this a commentary on the inherent tragedy of revenge and the inherent tragedy of the american western, never able to escape stolen dreams on stolen land? the tyranny of the small business/farm owner only able to exist on a mountain of skeletons and heavy subsidies from the government? i am rotating this game in my mind at helicopter speeds.

also chase i agree with you this sheriff is definitely supposed to be lee van cleef

storytelling: it is uneven at best. the native american love interest's route is a particular weakness. as a review on steam said, it reads very much like the only media the devs consumed researching this was disney's pocahontas. there are some very moralistic and defensive statements throughout other routes as well that read like the devs trying to get ahead of any accusations, which makes this game much weaker as now it is neither a product of its time or ours. the mystery does unfold in a way that surprised me, and you have to go through multiple different routes with multiple people in order to get more of the solution. this is very hard to pull off and i liked this murder mystery/tragedy aspect of the game very much. i am not a mlm so i can't really comment on whether or not these romances are fulfilling, although they are straight up gay and there isn't a bisexual reading that can be applied. i, noted bisexual cowboy enjoyer, was a little disappointed that the MC cannot have a bisexual reading applied to him, he does seem very firmly at one end of the kinsey scale.

construction: there are four different ways of presenting dialogue. there are SO many routes in this thing and i feel like standardizing the text boxes would have made their lives easier? i do appreciate the vibes-based subtitles for the music and sfx. this is startlingly good caption work for a tiny idie studio.

is it "good"? did i have a "good time" playing it? fuck if i know. compels me tho.

-

making

this one is For a friend but it fits the theme. baby blanket progress, about a repeat and a half in. the tentative baby date is march 5th and the tentative blanket date is uhhh probably end of may? at this pace?

[magicboobiess]

Shuffle

Shuffle, it's probably the best way to listen to music. I love going from a really deep techno house song to a poppy french song. There's no right way to listen to music, there's also no wrong way to listen to music. I'll say this much though, there is a preferred way to enjoy music however and that's by hitting the shuffle button. Also safety reasons! When driving I find it less distracting to just let the music play out instead of trying to change tunes while doing 70mph+.

I love buying second hand items, it's sort of my pass time. I love knowing that not only am I saving money but I'm also giving an item a second, third, fourth etc. lease on life. If something is still usable and one can benefit from using it, then why not ya know. Today I had gone to a thrift store and I was just walking around aimlessly with no real goal in mind or really any expectation to find anything. So imagine my amazement to see a brand new sealed Ipod Shuffle on the shelf!

I immediately found the nearest store associate and politely asked them to show me the Ipod. As soon as she handed it to me and I was able to hold it in all it's aluminum glory I just knew I had to have. It came with the original accessories too! The old school in ear apple buds that honestly sound way better than the earpod things. The original paper booklet with instructions and what's more the original iconic plastic box! I will say however there was also a microphone next to the Ipod, specifically a snowball mic the nice black one with a stand and cable for only $15. However at the time I told myself nah I want the ipod (which I would soon regret).

In my mind I was already imagining what songs I was going to upload into it. I had a whole playlist ready! It was going to be the best thing, so as soon as I got home I unboxed it got it out the packaging and started charging it. I put it to the side and started watching my show. After about 30 minutes I go to check on the Ipod shuffle and wow wow wow was I so sad at what I saw. It had SWOLLEN! The once slime aluminum pod was now a bloated Aluminum bean. I was sad, hurt, betrayed, disappointed, any synonym of the previous words *insert it here.

It was supposed to be a cute mp3 player, I wanted to be a retro girly so baddd. But alas that was not in the cards for me today. I am now left $32 dollars poorer, spiritually broken (for the moment) and with no place to drop my playlist into. Thinking back on it I honestly should have gone with the microphone instead. It was only $15 and I could've started my podcast once and for all ahhhhhh!!!! They say hindsight is 20/20 to which I say. Yes, yes it is.

This is but another lesson to me, the past should stay in the past it served it's purpose then and now it's time to let it out to pasture. This seems to be a reoccurring theme for me, when I gravitate towards things/people from the past it seemingly tends to just blow up in my face. I feel that I am destined to just constantly experience new things once and move on from them. To that I say c'est la vie

Much love MagicB00biess xoxo

Will I ever find a usable ipod though? I really did want an mp3

[thoughts-onmars]

december gurl

Hello mars,

I had my computer on a pillow for better stability for my eyes but it was kind of uncomfortable. I have been listening to Doja all morning today and even yesterday lol i LOVE Planet Her it is a catchy and boppy album. I hope that my gurl Ari releases some music soon. I have been listening to my MJ playlists again and some of my older 90s early 2000s music bc I like the sound of the instruments in the songs in them. I really like New Jeans too though for current kpop music. I am ready for 2024 to have some new tunes.

Today has been pretty productive in my eyes. I was pretty productive yesterday too. As soon as I got up I got the beans boiled and the chicken was also set. My food yesterday was so good. I love that I am getting better and faster at cooking lol. It really helps grow my confidence. I made red enchiladas with chicken and cheese and the beans and I even made some rice which tasted better than the first batch I made. Just a cooking mama lmao. I also went on a run and went to king soopers for some mailing bags to send beanies for my fam and whatever else i could fit with two hands lol. I got that done today and also returned the pants that were way too long and too small tbh lol. I am glad it was hassle free and plus I had to go mail the other ish so it worked out.

I was able to return the hair dye also hassle free and I got a blue and purple one to dye today. OP I just remembered that today I have to give JP his massage/cupping sesh bc I did not have energy to do it yesterday. I wrote it out so now I really have to do it jeje. Anyway today for food I am thinking of making some stir fried udon noodles with broccoli and carrots and cabbage. Maybe even make it spicy but not everything has to be spicy mars. I still have leftover chicken from yesterday so I was thinking of adding it to the noodles or frying it with some breading but now that I am writing my idea, I do not have any breading....wack. So anyway it will just be chicken pieces in the noodles and then the sushi that I bought yesterday at the king soopers.

December has been pretty good to be honest. I haven't been feeling as home sick and I think it is because I am messaging and talking to my mom more and it helps me feel like they are still just right here close by. We are 12 days in but for some reason I just feel like I have been doing more mentally and physically. We are getting closer to the end of the year and I am still also thinking about the internship in Washington. Should I wait it out?? I really want to travel and go to Asia for my dirty 30. I am turning 30 sheesh that is so crazy and people out here saying I am 23 lmao I lub it.

The prices are pretty average and we have our play money fund so we would only have to worry about flights and airbnb. JP did say the airbnbs were pretty cheap so that makes me excited that we can explore more and maybe even hit two countries. I will start looking at flights more seriously probably after I get home in Feb after going home. I think imma go to IN in Feb/March. I am not sure. My fam seems to always be busy bodies so it can be kind of hard to figure out when to go but I am sure if I just communicate instead of free balling it, it would work out lol.

Okay mars have a great day even though it already it. Do your best in all you do this week and just show up. Stay consistent and what is yours is already yours, it cannot be taken.

deuces ~~~~~

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Staying positive is exhausting. It's so much easier to sink back into the familiar depression and discontent. But I gotta fight that. And remember things like lemonade and rocks and green apple chapstick and my girlfriend and dogs and Sour Patch Kids and blue hair dye. I gotta crank some happy music and make myself dance around until I'm smiling and laughing at myself. I gotta remind myself that one bad thing doesn't negate all of the good things, and it's not an excuse to sink again. I have to constantly fight to stay afloat, and it ain't much, but it's honest work.

[sundaysundaes]

My Words, Your Thoughts

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut | Soulmate AU, Friends-to-Lovers AU | 36k

Synopsis: As an introvert, you are familiar with the silence. Drowning yourself deep in your thoughts has been a habit you’ve become addicted to. Your life begins to change, however, ever since the day you turned twenty. Suddenly, there’s this song that’s stuck in your head, and no matter how much you yearn to hear your thoughts or be comforted by the silence, it keeps on playing. You only get to find the answer to your problem when a young, cute barista hands you a cup of coffee one day, with that song’s lyrics written on the side. And you realize that you’re not the only one who’s been hearing voices in your head.

Warnings: explicit sex, expletives, mentions of physical abuse and astraphobia (not for the main characters)

It’s weird. It’s so weird.

It’s weird that you’ve been hearing this song replaying over and over again in your head when you’re sure you’ve never listened to it before. It’s also weird because sometimes the song sounds like the ones you often hear about on the radio—complete with instrumental accompaniment and everything—but most of the time, it just sounds like someone is humming to it. Sometimes quietly, but more often than not, vehemently like they’re having a concert in the shower, not caring if the neighbors might hear.

As someone who rarely listens to mainstream music, you don’t keep up with the trend these days but the tunes are catchy enough that you think, maybe, it’s one of those Justin Bieber’s songs people always talk about. You’re not fond of it, though, so even if you’ve heard it somewhere in a cafe or a mall, there’s very little chance you’ll be humming it in your head.

And yet, it keeps on playing.

It gets worse when it goes on for a whole day—a whole fucking day—that your brain feels like it’s seconds away from bursting into pieces. It doesn’t even sound like your voice. It seems like it belongs to a male, a bit light and a pitch higher than most. Though it sounds pleasant, the voice is unfamiliar to your ears and that’s what bothers you the most.

Trying your best to escape, you plug in your AirPods to your earholes, choosing one of the most beloved tracks from your playlist—today, it’s Bloom by The Paper Kites—to help you relax as you lie down on your bed. But no matter how many times you turn up the volume—it’s practically turning you deaf, ironically—you can still hear that one goddamn song playing.

“Oh my God,” you groan, projecting a murderous glare at the ceiling of your room before you shriek all of your heart’s content to your pillow. “Make it stop!”

This has been going on ever since your twentieth birthday and it’s been three months since then—three months of suffering, to be exact. Fortunately for you, you haven’t been listening to the same song for those amount of time—God, you would’ve killed yourself if that was the case. The song changes without warning. It can change ten times within a day, or stay the same for ten days. You have never heard of these songs except for the popular ones, and even then, you only ever listened to snippets as they don’t suit your taste.

So… It doesn’t make sense that you could recite the whole lyrics, does it?

And yet, you can.

Somehow, you already know every word, every tune, even every ad-lib in these songs and it both amazes and creeps you out. It’s as if somebody else is singing about it in their mind, and you, somehow, are mentally connected to them.

But that’s surely not the case, right?

With more days passing by, as your brain deteriorates little by little, you start to think that maybe that is the case.

Or maybe you’re just going crazy.

It’s nine in the morning and your eyes are bleary from how you involuntarily skipped sleep last night. With the loudest sigh and your half-charged MacBook sitting still in your backpack, you let your wobbly legs carry you to the nearest coffee shop. There’s a new Starbucks store opening just a couple of blocks away from your apartment and it’s perfect since you’re going to pass it every day on your way to college.

You’re not excited though, not when you have Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror playing in your head for the, approximately, thirty-fifth time that day. And it’s only nine in the fucking morning.

When you enter the coffee shop, greeted by a cute Christmas tree and festive decorations spreading all over the place even when it’s still three weeks away from the holiday, you almost weep in joy when the song stops playing in your head. It does happen from time-to-time, sometimes it stops for a few hours before it starts again with the same song or an entirely different one. But in most cases, it only pauses for a few minutes which just doubles the torture whenever you’re trying to concentrate on your paperwork.

“Hi.” You display a timid smile at a female barista, slightly wincing when the song in your head starts blaring again, as expected. It’s still the same song this time—so that thirty-sixth by now, Jesus Christ—but instead of someone humming it, it’s the original version that plays. You’re having trouble focusing on her greeting when the sound of a synthesizer echoes through your ear, stridently so. “I would like a tall skinny latte with a double shot, please.”

“Would you like anything else to accompany your drink?”

Perhaps a gun to blow my head off? “No, thanks. That’d be all for me.”

“Is that for here or to go?”

You take a quick scan of your surroundings. You still have an hour before your first class starts and since the place isn’t that crowded, you figure you might as well just spend some time here. “For here.”

You tell her your name and slide down your card to complete the payment. “All right. We will call your name once your order is ready.”

“Fantastic. Thanks.” As the female barista takes an order from another customer, you drag yourself to an empty seat in the corner of the room, next to the glassy window where you can glance at passersby. You lay your head down on the table, cheek pressed against the wooden surface, lower lip jutting out in weariness. You’re drowsy and you want to think about the snow that’s probably gonna fall sometimes near Christmas’ Day and maybe the sight of a warm fireplace where you can cozy up with your imaginary boyfriend (also known as Jung Jaehyun—that one perfect boy who lives just across of your hallway), but no, unfortunately for you, you no longer have any space left in your brain since Michael Jackson is performing a damn concert and it doesn’t seem like he’s gonna stop anytime soon.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…” Great, now you’re singing it. “I’m asking him to change his ways…”

The music in your head abruptly stops again but before you can close your eyes to finally enjoy your silence, a familiar voice chimes in.

“It’s a great song, isn’t it?”

Shocked, you quickly lift your head to identify a male barista placing down a cup of your ordered latte on your table. You swear you recognize his voice but his face doesn’t ring a bell.

“Hi,” he greets, smiling a bit sheepishly. “I don’t usually bring orders directly to the table but I think I misheard your name so I couldn’t call you out from there.”

“That’s, umm, that’s okay…” You hide the bottom half of your face behind your scarf as you’re not used to talking to a stranger, especially one that looks overwhelmingly pretty. “What did you think my name was?”

“Umm…” He rubs the back of his nape awkwardly. “I don’t think you want to know. It was a bit… inappropriate.”

“R-right…” You glance at the cup. “It says ‘Michael.’”

He chuckles but with only a slight hint of amusement in it. “Yeah, sorry about that. I had to come up with something and it was the first thing that came to mind.”

“And it has…” Your eyes widen when you notice the words he’s written on the side of your cup. It’s not a greeting, it’s not a motivational sentence, it’s the fucking lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror.

“Yeah, okay, so—” Noticing the appalled look on your face, he hurriedly tries to reason out. “I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day long—I just listened to it a minute ago while making your order—and the lyrics are just so inspirational so I decided to write that down. I hope that’s not too weird.” Then he laughs a little, a tad more genuinely this time. “But I heard you singing that song just now. What are the chances, right?”

You swallow hard. He’s been thinking about that song too? Listened to it a minute ago? What are the chances of this is happening? Is he the one whose voices I’ve been hearing in my head—

The male barista abruptly takes a step back, his tray nearly slipping out of his hold. He has a hand pressed against his ear, eyes blinking several times in disbelief. “Holy shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You—” He splutters, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I can’t believe it’s real.”

“What?” The way he seems like he’s looking at a ghost sends goosebumps all over your skin. “What is it?”

“Think about something.”

“Umm—” What is he talking about?

This time he gapes, his jaw dropping low. “Holy shit, I can really hear you. Think about something else—think about me.”

“Look, I don’t know you and you’re being weird.” The sudden change of conversation baffles you but when his words sink in, you can’t stop yourself from thinking about him as he orders. He’s cute, his entire features are cute—you’ve noticed that from the first second you laid your eyes on him, but what catches your eyes the most is his lips—the way they’re shaped so beautifully, like a cupid’s bow—

“You’re thinking about my lips? Seriously?” He asks, but might as well splash cold water to your face. “If you said something about my eyes, sure, I mean, they are attractive. One might even say that God Himself took the stars from the sky and put them in my eyes—but my lips? Huh, that’s new.”

You loudly gasp when you’re finally aware of the situation, hands flying to your face to cover your gaping mouth. “You can hear my thoughts!”

“And you can hear mine too!” He points out, and as startled as you are from the previous realization, you instantly frown upon his words.

“I don’t think so,” you reply. “I can only hear—”

“Donghyuck-ah!” Another barista comes to interrupt from the other side of the room. “We didn’t pay you to flirt, come back here!”

“I wasn’t flirting!” He shouts back, tips of his ears reddening. When he turns to you again, he has a prominent scowl on his face which makes you squirm on your feet. “We need to talk about this. My break is in an hour, do you think you can wait?”

It sounds more like an order than a request. “B-but I have a class in an hour.”

“Skip it.”

It takes all the strength in your body to be brave enough to retort back with, “Why don’t you skip your work?”

“I’m already half-done with my work, I can’t bail out now.” He rolls his eyes. Suddenly, his courteousness just vanishes without a trace. “Look, I’ve been hearing your thoughts for months now and I have a lot to complain to you about.”

You grimace. “It’s not like I can control my thoughts—”

“I know, I’m not blaming you.” He picks up the tray, his gaze softening but only slightly. “I just want to complain. You’ve been driving me crazy these past few months.”

You glance away, pouting. Wow, he surely knows how to befriend a stranger.

“I can hear you, you know.” He sighs as if talking to you is exhausting, when it should be the other way around. “Look, I’m sure you’ve been going through the same thing. Don’t you want this to stop?”

You’re not wasting any second. “Yes, please.”

“Then wait for me. We’ll talk this through.” He pivots on his heels, his tray glued to his side. When you can finally breathe properly, exhausted from the social interaction as you sink back to your seat, the barista—Donghyuck—adds, “Oh, as you wait. Can you please stop thinking about my lips? Or just how cute I am in general? It’s sweet but I gotta concentrate so I won’t write another Michael on my next order.”

You slam your forehead down the table, face aflame. “I-I’ll try.”

“Thanks.”

***

“You just can’t stop thinking about my lips, can you?” Is the first thing Donghyuck states out as soon as he’s approached your table. He runs a hand through his brown hair, which looks out-worldly fluffy that you begin to wonder what kind of hair product he’s been using. “Or my hair.”

Mortified, you mumble out, “I’m sorry,” with half of your face covered by your hands. The more I try not to think about his lips, the more I do—shit, is he hearing this too—

“Yes,” Donghyuck says, but this time with an amused smile. “Man, I didn’t know my lips were that appealing to ladies. You’re gonna make me blush.”

Well, he’s making you blush for sure. “Would it be too much to ask for you to stop listening to my thoughts?”

“Believe me, woman, I’ve tried.” He groans, taking his apron off before he sits in front of you. He loosens up his collar, unbuttoning two buttons of his white shirt—which is two more than necessary to your liking—and you have to gaze away before another thought forms inside your head about a certain part of his body.

“Sorry if I came on too strong before. I’m Lee Donghyuck,” he introduces formally, offering you his hand. You reply with your name but you’re reluctant to shake his hand since you’re sure you’re breaking into a cold sweat, and an overly sweaty palm doesn’t really scream attractive—

“It’s literally just a handshake,” he says, stifling down a laugh. “I’m not gonna start judging you about it. You’re cute, sweaty palms or not.”

You nearly choke. “If I can’t ask you to stop listening to my thoughts, can you please be quiet about them?”

“That’s also impossible since talking is an integral part of my charm.” He leans back to his chair. “I’m pretty good with my mouth.”

That was… a poor choice of words, you think, as you stare at his lips and can’t help but wonder what can that mouth do other than talking. You take a bite of the bagel you just ordered, desperately trying to avert your attention.

“It wasn’t a poor choice of words.” He winks. “I did mean that in every way possible.”

This time, you really are choking.

“Okay, so what’s happening to us?” Donghyuck questions, after you manage to shed a tear or two during your attempt in relieving your throat. “Why have I been hearing your thoughts? I don’t even know you.”

“Same here.” You’re still going through a hard time keeping eye contact with him, but with more seconds passing by—and him pronouncing every bit of your thoughts out in the open—the knots inside your chest begin to loosen. “Ever since I turned twenty, I’ve been hearing these songs playing in my head that I’d never even heard of.”

“Never heard of?” Donghyuck snorts. “What, you never listen to Billboard’s top forty?”

You weakly shrug. “I prefer indie music better. Or instrumentals.”

“I would say that you have a soul of an old lady but the way you’ve been thinking about my lips reminds me of my sister who’s going through puberty.”

“Okay, this isn’t fair.” You shake your head, ashamed and tired of being humiliated over something you can’t fix. “Why can you hear my thoughts but I can’t hear yours?”

“Believe me, you’re much better off this way.” His face contorts in pain which makes you feel somewhat sorry if he’s not constantly being an ass about it. Hearing your insult, he notes, “Also, I’d prefer to be called with terms of endearment in the future, if that’s okay with you. Something like Babe or Darling.” The way he raises his eyebrow is just strictly illegal. “And in return, I’ll call you Sweetheart.” But before you can say anything—or run toward a running bus to put an end to this endless humiliation—he questions, “Wait, when you hear the songs I’ve been thinking in my head, does it sound like the original version of the song, or like me singing it?”

Finally, a proper conversation. “If you’re listening to the actual music, I can hear the original song as if I’m hearing it through my headphones. But when you’re just thinking about it, well, I‘ve never heard you sing, but,” you decide to tease him back—which startles you from how blatant you’re being. “From how amateur and pitchy this voice sounded in my head, I think I’ve been hearing yours.”

“Cute.” He scrunches up his nose. “Okay, let’s try again. Can you hear what song running through my head now?”

You stiffen, sitting in silence. After a few seconds pass by with only you exchanging stern stares at each other, your eyes gleam with a spark of hope. “Wait, I can’t hear you. Does this mean it stops? Because we’ve met in person?”

“Sadly no, because I was just thinking about how silly you looked when you choked over your food earlier.” He chuckles to himself and sends you another wink when you degrade him in your head. “Okay, let’s try again.”

“For real this time?”

“For real this time, Sweetheart.” He closes his eyes, holding back a smile when he catches how you flinch a little at his pet name for you. This time, you really do hear him humming inside your mind. “Don’t tell me by words,” he immediately adds, “Just think about them.”

Heaving a sigh, you close your eyes too. I’ve heard this song somewhere.

“If you’ve never heard about this song, I will literally cry and apologize to the world on your behalf.”

Be quiet, please, I’m trying to concentrate.

“Worried that you’d be thinking about my lips again?”

You almost fall from your seat. Almost. Okay, you’re singing to… You knit your eyebrows together as you provide your best effort to remember the tunes. You’re singing to Super Mario Bros theme song?

“Correct.” He taps his fingers to the table, simpering. “This is actually pretty cool. We can be, like, partners in crime or something.”

You shudder. “Please don’t tell me you’re an actual criminal.”

“If looking this handsome is a crime then I am, yes. Guilty as charged.” He makes a kissy face when you think about throwing the rest of your bagel to his head. “You look like someone who writes fan-fiction about their idols having sappy first kisses in your spare time but you’re actually pretty wild in your head, aren’t you?” He loves seeing your reactions, you know that, so you give your all in trying to act nonchalant. “Now, let’s try again. Did you bring your headphones with you?”

You check your coat’s pocket. “I got my AirPods.”

“Perfect. Put them on and play something from your phone.” As someone who’s pretty carefree, he can get serious at times. “Play as loud as you can until you feel like you’re going deaf.”

“I’ve tried that many times.” You nearly wail at the memory. “But it’s hard to drown your voice since it comes from inside my head.”

“Yeah, I know that. I’ve been hearing your thoughts too, remember? Don’t you think I would at least try something like that?” You narrow your eyes menacingly at him but he simply waves you off. “Anyway, that’s not what I’m trying to do. Put them on and you’ll see.”

He’s ordering you around. He just met you and he’s ordering you around. Socializing with people in general already zaps your energy pretty quickly, so socializing with a brat—

“I’ll grow on you, don’t worry.” He smirks and you take a mental note to really learn how to control your thoughts this time.

You follow his lead, as requested, connecting your AirPods to your phone and play something relaxing—because God knows how desperately you need it—as loudly as you can bear. Okay, go try… whatever it is that you want to try.

He smiles and shifts slightly on his seat, facing the window. His eyes glimmer under the light when he parts his lips, mouthing some words—no, singing something that you can’t hear.

Wait. I can’t hear?

Donghyuck glances at you, a grin breaking further on his lips upon hearing your thought. He gestures to you to take your AirPods away and you nod. Vacation Manor’s You promptly fades as his voice enters, and it’s weird because you’ve heard him sing in your head so many times yet it doesn’t do justice to how beautiful he sounds in real life.

It’s almost angelic, the sound he makes, which is kind of ironic for a little devil that he is. His honeyed voice is soothing, almost like the patter of rain on your window at dawn, lulling you back to sleep. You’re no expert in music but to you, he sounds impeccable that you run out of words to describe how pleasant his voice is to your ears. It’s so distinct, soulful—

Donghyuck giggles. “Thanks.”

—and annoying. “Okay, so what happened?” You try to divert the topic. “I can’t hear you when you’re singing out loud, but I can hear it when you’re thinking about a song?”

“I guess so.” He furrows his eyebrows, deep within his thoughts. “I figured it out when I couldn’t hear your thoughts whenever you spoke out loud. I think we can work from this?”

“So instead of thinking about what I have to say, I should focus more on saying what I want to say?” You shake in horror. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“What, you don’t like talking?”

“I’m…” You swallow your breath. “I’m not really good at that.”

“You’re talking to me just fine now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, because you make it so easy.”

“Aaw,” he purrs, a lopsided smile painting his face. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

“No.” You hold up a hand. “I mean, since you can hear my thoughts, I have no other choice but to speak. Also, you seem like you’re the type who just says whatever that comes to mind without worrying too much about my feelings—”

“Hey, now you’re just making me sound rude—”

“You are rude,” You emphasize. “But it works well with me because then I don’t have to hold myself back and pretend to be somebody else.”

“Why do you have to pretend?” He frowns. “Because you’re afraid people are gonna hate you? Judge you on your words?”

“It’s…” You look away, nibbling on your bottom lip. “I just… I’m trying to be a good person so people will like me—”

“I like you,” he says casually as if he was talking about having a cute Pomeranian as a pet, and there you are, almost fainting in your seat. “I mean, in the last forty minutes I’ve known you, I think you’re great the way you are. You don’t have to be good, you just have to be you.” He shifts closer, crossing his arms on the table, and lays his chin on them, gazing up at you with a soft smile that doesn’t match well with his previous attitude. “Don’t you think it’s great if people accept you the way you are?”

You hurriedly take a sip of your coffee, pretending to swallow even if it’s already empty. “You’re… not so bad yourself.”

“What was that?”

“Okay, well I think I should go.” There’s no way you’re gonna repeat that. Donghyuck titters, taking a hold of your wrist when you’re about to stand up from your seat.

“We still have loads to talk about.” You observe the way his fingers linger around your arm, his sun-kissed skin feels silky smooth against your own. “Why don’t we have lunch together? My treat?”

“D-don’t you have work to do?”

“I’ll make an excuse.”

A barista with the word Jeno written on his name tag walks by and slaps Donghyuck on the back of his head as if it’s something he’s done on a daily basis—probably is. “You’re not going anywhere, asswipe, get back to work.”

When the brunette boy turns to you, he winces. “Or maybe you can give me your number so we can meet up later?”

***

That night as you settle down on your bed, warm and fresh after your shower, you check on your phone and realize that you’ve been doing that for at least fifteen times in the last twenty minutes, waiting for Donghyuck’s text to arrive. The second that thought enters your mind, your phone beeps.

Stop thinking about me. You’re making me blush. - Sexy Lips

Your phone nearly leaps out of your hand. Reading his text three times more, you respond with: Are you seriously naming yourself Sexy Lips on my phone?

It doesn't take long before he answers: You just realized it now? I was conflicted between choosing that or “the cute barista you couldn’t stop thinking about” though it’s clever because of the pun, I decided the last one was too long and it isn’t as catchy as Sexy Lips. Might use that as my stage name if I ever debut as a stripper.

When you’re hesitating with your answer—because how the fuck should you respond to that?—he adds: But they ARE sexy, aren’t they?

Now, you’re even more confused. Are you usually this irritating?

He replies with: Depends. Are you going to think about me as much as you’ve been doing today?

Your cheeks begin to heat, your thumbs shaking slightly as they tap out the words. Can I have some privacy, please?

But before you can send it, your phone begins to ring. This time, it really does jump out of your hand and smacks you right on the face. Rubbing your bruised nose while cursing under your breath, you pick up the call. “H-hello?”

“Hey, Sweetheart. It’s Sexy Lips. How’s your nose?”

Your heart beats faster and you muster as much brain energy as you can to focus on not thinking about it. “Why are you calling?”

“Because waiting for you to finish typing up your text when I could read your thoughts is just dumb. Also, my nana types faster than you.”

“I—I was about to go to sleep, though.”

“Liar. I’ve memorized your daily schedule by now. This is the time where you’ll be thinking about your stupid crush.”

All the blood rushing to your head makes you feel dizzy. “You heard that?!”

“Obviously. But I always tried to shut you up with my music.”

The realization hits you like a wave. “So that’s why your song always sounds louder at night!”

“Yeah, thanks to you.” 

“Hey, I’ve been having trouble sleeping because of that too, asshole.”

“Asshole?” He scoffs. “You're calling me an asshole after we just met? Is this how you usually talk with boys on the phone?”

“Only with the ugly ones.”

He gasps dramatically. “Well, you surely have been thinking about this ugly boy a lot tonight.”

“Of course, isn’t it normal? I just met someone who could hear my thoughts.” You pinch your cheek to stop your blush from appearing. “I bet I’d hear my name being thrown a lot in your head too if I could hear yours.”

“You don’t have to hear my thoughts, you could just ask.” The way he chuckles is so light, almost indistinct but equally heartwarming. “Unlike you, I’m pretty straightforward with my answers.”

You curl your fingers around the hemline of your oversized sweater. “So… It’s true, then..?”

“What is?”

“That you…” You realize it could get embarrassing to ask, you just didn’t think it could be this embarrassing. “You know what, forget it. It’s dumb.”

“I’ll let you off the hook this time.” He sounds so amused, it makes you feel uneasy. “I have been thinking about you—a lot today, actually. But whether or not it has something to do with you being mentally connected to me is the question that I, myself, am not sure to answer.”

You bring your phone to your chest, closing your eyes. Be still, heart.

His voice, as you stray away from your phone, is nearly inaudible when he coos, “Aaw, look how cute you are—”

“Anyway,” you briskly say, bringing your phone back to your ear. “I haven’t heard you sing in my head in the last few hours.”

“Yeah, I’m trying to give you a break. I haven’t listened to any songs and tried my best not to think about them.”

“Oh…” You unconsciously play with some loose strands of your hair. “Thank you… You don't need to do that, though.”

“You’re welcome.” The way his voice suddenly softens only makes your heart palpitate even more. “You deserve it. It's the least I can do. Sorry for bothering you all this time.”

“N-no, it’s fine.” You clear your throat, wishing that you could stop sounding like a thirteen-year-old girl facing her first crush. “I wish I could do the same for you but controlling my thoughts is nearly impossible.”

“Yeah, about that,” he professes, “I’m already used to listening to your thoughts and it never really bothers me when you think about your college assignment or that TV show you like so much, but can you stop thinking about Jung fucking Jaehyun for one second?”

You freeze, mouth parted in shock. Shit, that’s right. “Umm—h-how much have you heard about him exactly?”

“As much as you thought about him, duh.”

You smack your head with your phone. “Oh God, this is so embarrassing.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re a virgin. You have no experience in romance, whatsoever. So imagining having a baby with his dimples must be—”

“What—wait—”

“You’re curious, I get it. You romanticize about the day where he will sweep you off your feet, carry you bridal style, and run off toward the sunset—”

“Please stop talking—”

“And hey, I won’t judge. They’re your thoughts, you’re free to have them. But if I hear one more thing about you rubbing your noses together—”

“OKAY, OKAY, I GOT IT, PLEASE STOP!” This guy is going to be the death of you, you're sure of it. “I’ll try to control my mind from now on.”

“Thanks. You can always try to think about something else, you know? Alternatively, you can just think about me. I won’t mind if you do.”

The way he sounds as if he’s actually giving you proper advice makes you roll your eyes. “Thanks, but no thanks. I have more important things to think about.”

“Yeah? Like what? Do enlighten me.”

“I don’t know, like…” You try so hard not to think about him and you’re confident enough to say you’re getting better at it this time. “Like what happened during World War II or something.”

“That’s…” He sounds like he’s holding back a laugh. “Not the answer I expected to hear, but go on. What is so interesting about World War II?”

And it’s so bizarre that the rest of your conversation actually ends with you talking about the holocaust and the effect it has on the younger generations. It’s even weirder that Donghyuck listens through everything fervidly. 

You’re comforted by the silence and you’ve always been retreating into your mind to rest, but now that he lives inside your head, you have to adapt and accept the fact that your soul is now laid bare in front of his eyes. You thought it would be dreadful, to have someone—a stranger, even—to break into your facade, and although it still doesn’t sit well with you, Donghyuck manages to destroy the wall you built within hours. 

And it turns out, you’re somewhat okay with it. At least, for now, anyway.

One conversation leads to another and normal arguments give birth to nonsensical ones. They devolve continuously until finally, he starts discussing why are both of SpongeBob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square? Which turns into a pretty heated debate. 

When you finally take a glance at the clock on your bedside table, you realize that a couple of hours have passed by and it’s now two in the morning. “It’s late,” you mention, “We should get some sleep.”

“You’re right. I got an early shift tomorrow. Wait, I mean today.”

“How early?”

“Like, five AM?”

“Wait, what?” You sit up on your bed, feeling contrite. “Why are you wasting your time on me? You should be resting!”

“Who said I was wasting my time? I think we had a pretty smart discussion just now. Worth every second, if you ask me.”

You bury your flustered face in your pillow, murmuring the words, “You should’ve been sleeping though.”

“Nah. It’s fine. Talking to you feels better than just hearing your thoughts but couldn’t respond to any of them. You don’t even know how much I wanted to counter your words whenever you thought about something dumb. Do you realize how much you’re not making any sense most of the time?”

“N-now, I do. I’ll work on it.”

“Don’t. I think it’s cute.” There’s a pause with you holding your breath the entire time. “Are you… okay with this? I mean, you’ve mentioned how you don’t like talking to people.”

You bashfully smile. “My throat hurts, actually. I’ve never talked this much before. But it’s been, umm… fun.”

The sound of his laughter grows on you. “Good, ‘cause I intend to continue this. Like it or not, we’re in this together now. We’re partners.”

“Partners?”

“In a platonic way.” But then he hums, as a thought enters his mind. “Possibly sexually too in the future, who knows—”

Your phone slips, smacks you on the face again, and you’re pretty much dying both from the pain and the embarrassment. Fortunately for you, he doesn’t notice—or maybe he does but he’s too sleepy to jeer at you.

“I’m just saying that we’ve only known each other for one day, but it feels like I’ve known you more than anyone I’ve ever met.” He yawns, probably stretching his arms above his head too. “You’re right, I gotta hit the bed. Good night—or good morning, I guess?”

Your cheeks feel warm at his soft chuckle. “Good morning, Hyuck.”

“Good morning, Sweetheart.”

***

 Your next meeting with Donghyuck ended with no solution to your problems and more stupid discussions to argue later on but there was some progress.

“Not sure if you knew about this,” he said, as he stole a French fry from your plate. “But your thoughts get louder in my head when you’re feeling emotional.” He was having a day off work and invited you to have some brunch before you had to go to class. You didn’t realize having brunch with him would end with Donghyuck munching more food off your plate than you were. You didn’t complain out loud since he paid for both of your meals, but you made sure to mention it several times in your head. When you raise an eyebrow, he continues. “Like whenever you’re on your period and you get upset about literally anything in the world—”

Flushed, you retort, “I don’t do that—”

“Yes, you do. Every month. You make me feel like I’m the one who’s menstruating whenever that happens.”

You buried your hands in your palms, deeply ashamed. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, it’s hormonal so…” He waves his hand nonchalantly. “Anyway, when your emotions get intense, like when you’re angry, sad, pained, nervous—or overjoyed, even—your thoughts get so loud that you’re practically hammering your fist against my head. There was this one time, I recall, when I had to stay home for the entire day since I could barely walk down from the bed.”

“Because of the headaches?”

“No, because I suddenly turned into a woman.” He rolls his eyes. “And as much fun as it was to have your own massive boobs to ogle at, I couldn’t walk without having something big hanging between my legs.”

You gotta give him some props for paying so many details in delivering his sarcasm. “Sometimes a simple yes is enough.”

“Then stop asking the obvious.”

You sigh, this problem—and his whole being—give you headaches. “But then, what should I do? How can I mute my thoughts in your head?”

“Try to keep yourself composed,” he suggests, taking the last French fry from your plate, has the courtesy to ask whether you want to eat it or not, but plops it into his mouth without wasting a second after he sees you shaking your head. “Or talk to me. Call me whenever you need me. It’s better for me to hear you talk directly compared to have you shouting in my head.”

“You’re…” You’re in awe, honestly. “You’re actually quite nice, aren’t you?”

“Of course I’m nice.” He takes a bite of your muffin this time. “Besides, I can just use earplugs when you’re speaking so I don’t have to listen to you.”

“You’re my guardian angel,” you mutter flatly. “Don’t ever leave me.”

Puckering his lips, he coos, “Of course, baby.”

Somehow, meeting Donghyuck between your schedules, talking to him at night, and exchanging lame banters over the phone, become a habit that you grow to love and it’s weird that it doesn’t feel weird. You have never enjoyed conversing with someone this much. Talking to Donghyuck is easy—natural, even—and it’s different than the conversations you have with your only friend/crush, Jaehyun. With Donghyuck, you can really, truly be yourself, not afraid of making stupid sentences, not too worried about hurting his feelings with your jokes because you know he’s going to throw one back at you without having any hard feelings. With your crush, you’re always too busy trying to keep your craziness intact, in fear of having him distance himself from you—which is bizarre, because you’ve been friends with him for three years, and you’ve only met Donghyuck for three weeks.

But those interactions you had during those three weeks were much more intense and intimate than any kind of bond you’d shared with anyone else, in the sense of you baring your soul in front of him. You didn’t have a choice. Him knowing every bit of your mind—literally—still makes you feel weird, sometimes nervous, and often ashamed. But as insolent as he can be sometimes, Donghyuck is always considerate of your feelings. He only jokes about the things that don’t matter and keeps silent about things that make you uncomfortable. For example, he will constantly make fun of the sappy love stories you imagine in your head about a certain man who lives next door. But he will never make fun of the way you always feel insecure about yourself, how you compare your imperfections to people’s perfections, or the disappointment you feel toward your parents for choosing to focus on their profession over their daughter’s well-being. Whenever you’re drowning too deep in those thoughts, he would call you to talk about Jeno and his stupid, beefy biceps that he’s secretly jealous of, or ruffle your hair until you complain about it. Funnily enough with him, even those little things he does always succeeds to distract you in a good way.

Hyuck, you form the words in your head as you snuggle close to your beloved teddy bear, body warm and cozy under the comfort of your duvet. If you hear this, I just want to say thank you for keeping up with my thoughts all this time. And just… You awkwardly shift your weight from side to side. Thank you for being my friend.

When your phone stays mute—no text, no phone calls—you wonder whether he’s already asleep. But when your eyelids grow heavy, you hear a song playing in your head. It takes a while for you to notice what song it is—even when the original version is playing, but then you remember. It’s the stupid song that SpongeBob sang to Plankton when they became best friends.

You’re so dumb. You giggle. This time, a text comes up: Well, you’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met so we complete each other, don’t we?

You shake your head, tapping your thumbs against the screen. “I gotta go to sleep. Good morning, Hyuck.”

Good morning, Sweetheart.

***

“Hey, how have you been?” 

Your heart skips a beat at the sound of your neighbor’s voice as he meets your eyes on your way out of your apartment. You’ve been living by yourself for the past year, since your family had moved to a different town for business purposes, leaving you here to take care of their place while pursuing your education. Jaehyun, the boy who managed to steal your heart from the first day you laid your eyes on him, stares at you with concern, analyzing your profile. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

Jaehyun is dressed handsomely in a black winter coat that elongates his height. Kissed by the cold, his cheeks turn a bit scarlet but his smile is as warm as the hand warmer sitting in your pocket. Being three years older than you, Jaehyun feels responsible for your safety, especially when your parents brazenly ask him to look after you on their behalf. You know he only sees you as the little sister he never has but you can’t help but wish for more.

“Hi…” Your throat suddenly feels dry, heartbeat blasting through your ears. It’s always like that when it comes to him. You have so many things you want to confess, yet the second his eyes meet yours, you have to glance away, loss for words. “I’m great. Y-you?”

“Why are we so formal?” Unlike Donghyuck’s high-pitched ones, his small laughter sounds deep when it reverberates to your ears. “I’m okay. Kinda miss you, though. We haven’t been hanging out lately.”

You bite the corner of your lip. Me too. I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. “Sorry, I was, umm, busy with college.”

“Aren’t you on a winter break?”

Fuck, yes, that’s right. Great job, idiot. “I’m just busy reading materials for the next semester.” 

Jaehyun is entertained with your excuse, you know he is from the way he holds back his grin, his dimples catching your attention. “Well, I’ve missed you a lot. You used to come and hang out with me every weekend.” His eyes are tender. They always are whenever they peer into yours which often makes you think that he might regard you as something more than a sister. But then again, Jaehyun is always nice to anyone. You shouldn’t consider yourself special. “You look a bit pale.”

“Oh, umm—” You fix your bangs, suddenly feel way too conscious about your appearance. “Just a little bit under the weather, that’s all.”

“You’re sick?” The way he immediately presses his palm against your forehead, checking on your body temperature makes you panic, hastily pulling away from his touch.

“I-I’m fine, don’t mind me.” You bring your gaze down to your feet, making sure that your eyes are hidden behind your fringe. “Just didn’t get much sleep last night so I spent the whole day making up for it.”

“Okay.” On contrary, he only seems more concerned and that’s the reason why you adore him. He’s so attentive and thoughtful, always worrying over your well-being even more than you do. “Are you heading somewhere?”

“I…” You’re actually on your way out to Donghyuck’s workplace to have a chat, but since you didn’t make an appointment with him or anything—just did it on a whim—you decided to re-evaluate your plan. “Just wanted to grab some coffee.” 

“Then, come over to my place,” he invites, sliding down his card to unlock his door. “I’ll make you some dinner too. I want to catch up with you if that’s all right.” When he sees you taking a few seconds to consider his offer, he pleads. “Please?”

With him flashing that dashing smile of his, how could you ever decline?

“I’m pretty sure that I heard you thinking about wanting to meet me a few hours ago.” Donghyuck starts the conversation later that night. “But then your head suddenly went blank and just like that, my name turned into another man’s name. I trusted you, baby, how could you do this to me? Cheating behind my back? After those nights we spent passionately talking about those poor children being tortured to death by the Nazis? I am devastated. I thought what we had was special!”

His words may sound playful, but somehow, there’s an underlying tone that makes you feel perturbed. “You’ve, umm… You’ve been listening to my thoughts again?”

“You’ve been feeding me your thoughts. Whenever Jaehyun appeared, they literally screamed at me.”

“Literally?”

“Literally.”

“Look, I’m sorry.” You rub your temple. “I wish I could keep my mind to myself, I really do, but—”

“It’s fine, it’s not your fault. We just gotta come up with a solution before I jump off a cliff or something.”

“You’re…” The tone he’s using makes your stomach feel queasy. “You sound quite upset today.”

You hear him exhale heavily. “I’m just in a bad mood.”

“Because of me…?”

There’s one second of silence and that’s a second too long. “No, of course not. Just had some trouble at work, that’s all. Do you have some time this weekend? I think we should talk—I mean, directly, this time.”

“I’m…” You play with the bottom of your shirt. “I’ve promised I’d spend time with Jaehyun.”

Another pause and the tension prickles your skin. “Is that so?” He conveys coldly. “Great that you’re making progress.”

“Hyuck—”

“Well, you already know my working schedule. Just swing by to the coffee shop whenever you have time.”

He hangs up without waiting for your reply and there’s a twinge inside your chest. Your thoughts begin to swirl, worried and anxious as you try to find your mistakes. Before long, a text message appears.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be cold. It’s not your fault so don’t worry too much. By the way, is my name still written as Sexy Lips on your phone?

You gradually begin to relax. I don’t have the heart to change it yet.

Another text comes shortly: Perfect. I’m smiling already.

And just picturing him that way, makes you mirror his action. 

***

“Hyuck, are you okay?” You ask when he finally answers your FaceTime call after missing it twice. After spending most of your free time with Jaehyun, you feel like you owe him an apology, especially when that last smile Jaehyun displayed on his face before he parted ways with you successfully made you weak on the knees. You tried your best to suppress your thoughts, you really did, but it was impossible to do when your feelings for the pale man only grew more intense. 

Your heart throbs as you wait for Donghyuck’s reply, knowing that your thoughts must have been torturing him last night. “You kept your music on till morning. D-did I bother you?”

“No, I was just really tired from work so I needed some time for myself,” Donghyuck says, sinking into the comfort of his pillow. “Sorry. That was selfish of me.”

“It’s okay.” He’s holding back for my sake. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes. Did you?” 

From the screen of your phone, you can only see the top half of his face, his hair is still damp after his late-night shower. Another two months have passed, and the two of you have stopped seeing each other so often. Donghyuck always made a bunch of excuses whenever you asked to meet him in person, usually about him going on a date, which was weird because he always played music so loudly during those times. You had a hunch he was lying but you weren’t sure why he was avoiding you. You noticed that he had been distancing himself from you when you started seeing Jaehyun more frequently. Maybe your thoughts were being too loud for him to bear?

The first two weeks were awful, but he gradually began to warm up to you again. He even insisted for you to FaceTime him nowadays, and it felt too intimate at first, but after he showed you the huge hole he had on one of his socks, you realized that no, it just felt like two friends goofing around.

“Yes, slept like a baby. I was dead tired too.” That was a lie, and if he had taken a closer look at his screen, he would’ve seen the dark circles under your eyes. But it’s fine, you’re happy as long as he gets to rest. That’s the least you can do after pestering him constantly with your thoughts. “How was your day?”

“The usual,” he murmurs, voice a bit muffled by the pillow. He still hasn’t spared you a glance and you can feel you’re a second away from begging to see his face. It doesn’t feel like him. Donghyuck without his blinding smiles is just— 

“Hyuck?”

“What?”

“A penny for your thoughts?” You shyly peek at him from behind your bangs. “It’s not fair that I’m the only one who’s transparent around here.”

“I fucking hate that idiom.”

A small pause where you can only hear his soft breathing while you, on the other hand, are holding yours. “I’m…” When you’re finally able to, your breathing stutters. “I’m sorry…”

He notices he went too far. Of course, he does. Even without being able to hear your thoughts, he's always perceptive that way. Straying himself away from his pillow, you can finally see his face. For someone who said he slept well last night, he sure looks like he's been missing it for days. “No, I’m sorry.” He rubs his nape, eyes going anywhere but yours. “I don’t know why I said that. Can you ask that again?” When you stay mute, he finally gazes at you, a thin smile blossoming on his face. “Please? I’ll answer it better this time.”

Something is wrong—definitely wrong and you want to fix it, but you’re not sure he wants you to. But when you repeat your words, he forces his smile to break wider. “A penny? My thoughts are worth more than that, Sweetheart.”

It sounds more like him but the gestures he’s making still don’t sit well with you. “Then don’t share your thoughts. Tell me something—like a memory. Tell me something about your past—” You realize you’re being too demanding. “If t-that’s okay…”

The mischievous look he’s forced himself to make vanishes instantly. He shifts away from the screen again, only showing you a little part of his cheek and the fluffy strands of his brown hair. “What do you want to know?”

“There’s this one song that you often sing. I’ve never heard you listen to the original, just you thinking about it. You had it playing in your head non-stop last week too.”

“Ah…” He scratches his cheek awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry about that. I tried not to, but…”

“No, don’t be. That’s not why I brought it up. I just wonder who sings it. It sounds nice.”

He goes still. “Nice, huh? Isn’t this the first time you complimented me on my music taste?”

“Yeah well, this one seems more heartfelt, unlike the pretentious ones you like to hear.” You try to joke around to ease the tension, but it bounces right off the wall he’s built around him, only making you grimace in return. “I—I tried to look it up online but couldn’t find anything that matched the lyrics.”

“Of course, you couldn’t.” Donghyuck smiles but his eyes don’t follow, which leaves you in confusion because he usually does it with his eyes first. “It’s something I personally wrote back in high school.”

“You wrote a song?”

“Several songs, actually. Well, co-wrote it. Mark was the one who did most of the work.”

“But that’s amazing! Who’s Mark?”

“Just…” He turns to his back, draping an arm over his eyes. “A friend of mine.”

You raise an eyebrow in question. “Sounds more like a friend.”

“We didn’t date if that’s what your dirty mind is thinking.”

“Wouldn’t judge even if you did.” You shrug. “Are you two still close? How come I’ve never seen you hanging around with him?”

Donghyuck lets the silence answers you instead and during times like this, you truly wish you could hear his thoughts as clear as he could hear yours. The atmosphere feels heavy, almost suffocating. “Hyuck?”

“Oh, sorry, I fell asleep.” He rubs a hand over his face, his fingers hiding his eyes. “Can I call you tomorrow? I have an early shift too so…”

“R-right, okay…” He stirs away until his face can no longer be seen, only showing the strands of his hair and his shoulder sagging in exhaustion. “Hyuck, I don’t know if you’ve heard this from reading my thoughts, but…” A warm smile breaks upon your face, hoping that he would exchange stares with you again. “Thank you for befriending me. I’m so glad I met you. You’re the best friend I could ever ask for.” 

You expect him to snort or mock you about it, but instead, the only sound you can hear is his delicate breathing. Has he fallen asleep again? Not sure how to act, you mumble quietly. “Good ni—Good morning, Hyuck.”

Unbeknown to you, there is not a hint of drowsiness on his face, and he knows he would stay awake for hours after hearing your words. But instead of replying to your farewell, Donghyuck stays in reticence, straying his head away from the camera. When you finally end the call with a heavy heart, Donghyuck sinks his face deeper into his pillow, mumbling, “Best friend, huh…?”

There’s a pang of guilt growing larger and larger inside his chest whenever he remembers your smile, the way you furrow your eyebrows in concern whenever you think that you're going too far with your jokes, or just simply the way you call his name. You’ve been painting nothing but pleasant memories in his head, and yet, just because he can’t control his emotions, he keeps hurting your feelings.

I’m sorry.

Still staring at your phone screen, unconsciously waiting for another response from him because that last farewell doesn’t feel right, you freeze when a song enters your mind. It’s Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens, the one that often flits through your head due to its vulnerable lyrics and melancholic melody. It's one of your most beloved songs but you‘ve never told him how much it meant to you before. He must have taken notes. A shy smile, filled with joy and adoration for him, decorates your lips.

Thank you, Hyuck.

***

“Why are you so pissed off these days?” Jeno has his spine pressed against the wall, crossing his arms on his chest. His apron is still intact, unlike Donghyuck who’s just ready to run home even when he still has ten more minutes before his shift is over.

“I’m not.” Donghyuck sighs, groaning into the air. His fingers are lathered with soap as he rubs the coffee stains off his porcelain mugs. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“Because you are.” The taller man yawns, eyes drowsy as he peeps back. “Things haven’t been going well with the mistress?”

“Well, aren’t you nosy.”

“I’m just pretending to care.”

“Thanks.” Finished, Donghyuck washes his hands and turns the tap off. His shoulders sag, his head dangling forward with his bangs falling over his eyes. He turns around to face the other man, reclining against the counter. “This is a dumb question but—”

“Coming from you, I’m not surprised.” But Jeno is startled with the way Donghyuck doesn’t glare menacingly at his retort. Instead, the shorter man brings his eyes down to his feet.

“Have you ever heard about soulmates?” Donghyuck quietly, hesitantly asks. “Like two people having a mental bond.”

“What mental bond?”

“Like,” Donghyuck recoils, tense fingers jumping straight up to massage the side of his head at the sound of your thought blaring through his ears. “Hearing their thoughts and stuff.”

Jeno doesn’t cringe or scoff at his words, unlike what Donghyuck has expected. It sends a shiver down his spine when the man simply hums and responds, “Well, I’ve heard something similar. It happened at this restaurant I used to work—I don’t know these people directly so don’t ask me that. I just heard some staff talking about it during a break.”

Gulping, Donghyuck presses, “Talking about what?”

“There was this guy named Taeil,” Jeno informs. “He used to be a waiter but got fired only after a month of working. I came in to fill in his shoes and when I asked why he was dismissed, a staff told me that something weird happened or rather, he was weird. Whenever it rained, he’d get so nervous that he could barely concentrate. And when it got heavier, he’d lock himself up in the bathroom for hours until it stopped. If it was raining before the restaurant was opened, he would skip work entirely for the whole day. He said that he had a severe case of astraphobia and people would make fun of him behind his back, making him feel isolated.”

“Poor dude,” Donghyuck comments, immersed in the story. “Then, what happened?”

“One day, he had to take orders from a female customer. When their eyes met, he was so surprised, he yelled something like 'I see you every night in my dreams!’”

The hairs on Donghyuck’s nape stand up but he acts unconcerned. “That’s a terrible pick-up line.”

“I know, right?” Jeno scoffed. “But the thing is, he wasn’t flirting. He looked like he was seeing a ghost, they said. So they hauled him away, asked him what the hell was going on, and Taeil said that he saw her memories in his dreams. He said she was abused by her father during her childhood days. They told him he was going insane but for him it was real. Taeil even challenged them to take a look at her arm. He said she would have a scar, inflicted by a knife from when her father tried to hurt her. Curious, a staff secretly checked on her as he apologized on Taeil’s behalf. It was true, she had the scar. And Taeil wouldn’t have been able to see it at first, since she hadn’t taken her coat off when she made her orders earlier.”

Donghyuck’s lips are pressed tightly shut, heart racing a tad faster. “Did she recognize him?”

“At that time? No. But she became a regular soon after, and one day, she was stuck at the restaurant, couldn’t leave since it was pouring so heavily outside. Taeil, like usual, was hiding somewhere and when thunder flashed through the sky, she screamed. They said she looked like she was in pain, falling from her chair, hands going to her head. When a waiter asked what happened, she said her head was about to burst, and she said this: stop screaming in my head.”

As if he was telling a horror story, Jeno leers at Donghyuck to see his reaction and he smirks when the male looks terrified. “Creepy, right?”

It’s not as creepy as it is startling. There are really some people out there who are experiencing the same thing, though the case is slightly different. “Did they get to talk to each other?”

“I don’t know.” Jeno shrugs. “I didn’t hear the rest of the story. Wasn’t interested enough to dig around.”

“Can you get me his contact?”

“Dude, it’s just a story. I don’t think it’s really—” But Jeno stops arguing when he witnesses the desperation in Donghyuck’s voice, matched by the determination that gleams in his eyes. It’s as if he’s dying and he’s in desperate need to find the cure to survive. “I… can ask around for you, I guess…”

Donghyuck releases the breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. “Thanks.” 

Jeno narrows his eyes. "Dude, you okay?" 

With the feeling of hope surging inside his chest, he answers, "I will be."

***

When he gets Taeil’s contact later that day, he doesn’t waste a second waiting. It’s weird for strangers to talk about supernatural things during their first call but Donghyuck doesn’t beat around the bush. He tells Taeil his situation without hiding anything in the shadows, and luckily for him, after a few frenzied attempts in convincing, the older man believes him enough to meet him in person. 

They meet at a cafe near Taeil’s apartment and Donghyuck buys him a cup of coffee out of courtesy, though it’s left out cold as they dive further into their conversation. Taeil, a skinny man with choppy bangs and awkward smiles, is more friendly than Donghyuck has expected, and that’s probably because no one ever gives him the chance to speak his mind before. 

Taeil’s astraphobia started when he was eleven years old after he witnessed a man being struck by lightning directly in front of his eyes. The memory stayed with him for years, becoming a recurring nightmare for countless nights until it suddenly stopped. Because on the night he turned twenty, his dreams began to morph into something else. A nightmare but one that didn’t belong to him. He saw a young girl, both physically and mentally abused by her biological father and she couldn't escape, no matter how hard she tried. When years had passed by and she was old enough to live and make money on her own, she left her home to live in the city. But the trauma, just like the knife scars on her arms and legs, stayed and it was the only thing she could think about until she heard a man’s voice screaming for help whenever thunder broke through the sky.

“So this whole soulmate thing is real?” Donghyuck asks, tapping his fingers anxiously on the table. “I’m destined to be with her?”

Taeil almost laughs. “You have someone screaming inside your head and you’re more worried about whether she’s your soulmate?”

“I—” The way the blush creeps up Donghyuck’s cheeks is so apparent, it even makes Taeil feel a bit bashful. “It’s just another thing I’ve been wondering about.”

“Why, because she’s not pretty enough for you?”

“It’s not that,” he quickly corrects him, flushed. “She’s cute—she’s too cute, that’s the problem—but she likes someone else and I—" The boy shakes his head, trying to keep his thoughts in check. "You know what? You’re right. We have more important things to talk about.”

Taeil doesn’t hold back his chuckles this time. “Well, I’m not sure if soulmates do exist—I don’t think I’m her soulmate, even when we’ve been together for a year by now—but I guess, we’re bound to fall in love with them when we have this sort of connection.” But when Donghyuck sighs exasperatedly, Taeil solemnly adds, “You gotta be careful, though. There’s a difference between loving someone for who they are, and loving them because you’re driven by the word Soulmate. You just have to make sure that your feelings for her are real, coming from your heart, not from your mind.”

“I—” Donghyuck shrinks a little in his seat. He never looked through that perspective before. 

Noticing how the younger man has grown quiet, Taeil adds, “Don’t sweat it. You’ll know when you know. Or maybe you can work on cutting the bond first. When you’re no longer connected, you’ll know how you really feel toward her.”

Breaking into a cold sweat, Donghyuck loosens his collar. “There’s really a way?”

“Yes.” Taeil nods. “It wasn’t easy at first for me, but this mental bond can be broken. There’s a reason why you two are connected. Somewhere deep down, you’re asking for help and so is she for yours, and you’re matched because you can become each other’s strength to overcome it. First, you have to find the root of your problems then you work it out from there. Your bond will disappear when you manage to accept your fear and overcome your trauma.” Taeil rubs the tip of his nose, a bit twitchy after hearing his own advice. “T-that’s what happened to me anyway.”

It doesn’t make sense at first to Donghyuck but as soon as realization falls upon him, everything comes into place. He remembers how you’ve mentioned several times how much you wish to be like him, to be more open, both to other people and yourself and to be honest without worrying too much. You have a problem in conveying your feelings—your thoughts—and that’s the reason why he can hear yours, so he can represent you and maybe, one day, guide you until you can finally state out your mind, loud and clear, for the whole world to hear. 

As for the matter where you can hear the song that’s playing inside his mind…

Donghyuck curls his fingers into tiny balls of fists. I need to talk to her.

***

You haven’t heard a song playing in your head for the last two days and it’s concerning because this has never happened before. Ever since you met him, you’ve grown to love the way he sounds in your head—even liking his music taste by now, just like how he’s beginning to like yours. As long as he doesn’t play his music too loudly, the humming he does in your mind comforts you, keeping you company in your secluded silence.

Hyuck, are you okay? Talk to me.

But no matter how much you call, you couldn’t get connected, both telepathically or through the phone. His number was out of reach. Losing every contact you have with him in these last two days, as if he never existed in your life when he has certainly become—quite literally—a part of your mind, makes you feel restless.

Hyuck, Where are you? I need to see you.

It’s weird how you’ve harbored such intense feelings toward Jaehyun for years, and yet, you decide to cancel your ‘casual date’ with him just so you can check on Donghyuck, the friend who you met several months ago. It’s even weirder that it feels right to do it.

After swinging by to the coffee shop to ask about him, you received the address to his apartment from Jeno—who, unbeknown to you, kept displaying a knowing smirk whenever Donghyuck’s name escaped your mouth. Decide to think about that later on, you let your legs carry you to his place.

You weren’t nervous on the way there—you were too worried about him to mind your own feelings—but the second you’re standing in front of his door, with a paper bag—full of healthy snacks and several canned coffees that he likes—gathered to your chest, you can hear your heartbeat thrumming loudly in your ears.

Stop being so jumpy. It’s just Donghyuck.  

You repeat that several times in your head and three times more until you can hear someone groaning from the other side of the door. Before you can raise your hand to press his bell, the door swings open, revealing the man you’ve been longing to see with a prominent scowl on his face.

“H-hi…” You gulp, twitching nervously. “I was just in the neighborhood—”

“Ugh, your thoughts are so loud,” he whines, one eye closing in agony as he rubs the side of his head. “I was sleeping before but then you screamed at me.”

You take a step back. Must be because I’m nervous—

“Exactly. Too nervous.” He exhales heavily through his nose as he turns on his heels, walking deeper to his apartment. “Come in. And start talking before I put Nirvana back on and bust both of our eardrums.”

“Umm, I—okay...” You splutter, taking off your shoes. His place smells exactly like him, and it’s so overwhelming—pleasantly so—that you immediately distract yourself by talking out loud. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, just tired.” Donghyuck throws himself back on his bed, wearing only a thin layer of white shirt that’s glued to his skin, and black woven boxer shorts that only covered the upper part of his thighs. You try to focus more on his face—you just have to. So you notice the way he has his bangs sticking to his forehead, damp with sweat. His cheeks are a bit scarlet, his lips chapped. His golden sun-kissed skin doesn’t really showcase his paleness but it’s noticeable enough for you that he’s ill.

“You don’t look fine.” You immediately kneel on the carpeted floor, your hands settled on the edge of his bed. When he solely responds with a weak wave of his hand, you lean closer to press your palm against the sweaty skin of his temple. “Hyuck, you’re hot!”

“Thanks.”

“I meant, you’re burning up.” Restraining yourself from flicking him between his eyebrows, you let your hand trails down to his cheek, trying to check his body temperature on a different spot.

“Don’t touch me,” Donghyuck flinches, shifting away from your touch. “Your hand’s freezing.”

“Oh…” And it finally sinks in that you are touching him. You were so worried over his well-being that you suddenly had the bravery to invade his personal space, which you usually wouldn’t do under any circumstances. “R-right, I’ll just, umm—have you had something to eat?”

“Just coffee.”

“Since this morning?”

A weak nod and your jaw grows slack on your face. “But it’s five PM—I’ll go and make you something!” All the anxiousness you had before from entering a boy’s apartment for the first time—aside from Jaehyun’s but you’ve grown so accustomed to it since you have been visiting it so many times—just goes straight out of the window. You make yourself comfortable in his kitchen, rummaging through his fridge, shouting, “You literally only have cheese in here!”

“I like cheese.”

Sighing loudly, you slam the door close. “I’m going shopping.”

***

“Does it taste good?” You have your bottom lip tucked between your teeth, nibbling at it skittishly as you wait for his response. You’ve never cooked for anyone else for as long as you can remember so you can't help but be anxious about it.

Like a child, Donghyuck is slurping down the rest of the chicken porridge you made him to every last drop, wincing a little when it burns his tongue. “If you’d added some cheese in it, I’d give it a ten.”

“Judging by the amount of cheese you have in your fridge, I think you’ve consumed a lifetime's worth of it.”

“Still need more cheese.”

You exhale in defeat. “I’ll make some for your breakfast tomorrow.”

Donghyuck blinks twice. “You’re staying over tonight?”

“Wha—no!” You nearly leap out of your chair. “I mean, like, I’ll wrap it up and store it in the fridge for you to eat tomorrow.”

Donghyuck’s small laughter is always pleasant to your ears but the way his eyes twinkle impishly forces your heart to speed up instead of feeling fuzzy. “You could’ve just spent the night, though. My bed is big enough for the two of us.”

You avert your gaze, both from his face and his bed. “N-no, it’s not.”

“Oh?” Being handsome isn’t his crime, being dangerously seductive with that eyebrow raise of his is. “So if it is big enough, you’ll stay?”

“I’m not having this conversation.”

“Sure, no problem. I’ll hear your thoughts anyway.” You smack his head with your spatula, gentle enough that he wouldn’t whine too much about it but hard enough to make a point. When you walk away, he adds, “Thanks for the meal, Sweetheart. I’m glad I’ve been married to you for twenty years. It makes up for the nonexistent sex we have.”

“Ugh, shut up.” It’s stupid that you’re blushing over his lousy joke, even at times like this. Not wanting to stay like that for long, you busy yourself with the dishes, arranging his plates, even organizing the comic books he has on his shelf. It’s not like he’s messy with his place—you would’ve expected a boy’s room to be way messier than this—but you just have to find a way to keep your mind occupied so you don’t think too much about a certain boy whose moles on his neck is getting more and more distracting.

“I thought you were supposed to meet the prick,” Donghyuck says, sitting down on the couch and leaning his head back, his fingers massaging the bridge of his nose. 

“You mean Jaehyun?”

“Isn’t that what I said?”

Rolling your eyes, you retort, “I told him I’d have dinner with him tomorrow.”

“Does he know you’re spending the night in another man’s house?”

“I’m spending the night with a friend.” Then you catch yourself. “Wait, I’m not spending the night!”

“Aah, you’re so cute,” he dreamily says, with a matching dreamy gaze. “I want to have a mini size of you and keep you in my pocket.”

After always being on the receiving side of his snarky remarks, his little praise baffles you. Randomly picking up a book, you flip through the pages so you can hide your eyes behind your bangs. “I haven’t heard you in my head these last two days so I got worried. I thought you were like, dead or something.”

“Yeah, I lost track of time thinking about something so I slept a lot to make up for it. Then I got sick, so I pretty much just passed out for hours.” He yawns, nearly splitting his face in half as he does until tears form in his eyes. “I’ll tell you about it when my head doesn’t feel like it’s seconds away from exploding.”

“You should’ve called me. I could—” You stop yourself, the words are on the tip of your tongue but you’re too embarrassed to say it.

“Take care of me?” Donghyuck helps with a grin. “Like how a girlfriend would? Like what you’re doing now?”

“Like how a friend would.”

Donghyuck hums, finally giving you a break just because he probably notices how you’re about to faint from his lines.

But what kind of thoughts have been bothering him? Is it something so private that he can’t share with you? “I wish I could hear your thoughts,” you confess, placing the book down on your lap. “I want to be able to help you.” 

His eyes soften at your words and he allows a few seconds to pass by in silence just so he can let the words sink deeper in his mind. Donghyuck soon gestures you to sit next to him on the couch and reluctantly, you follow. Lying a palm on top of your head, fingertips dipping into the strands of your hair, he weakly grins at you. “Thank you.”

“F-for what?”

“For saying that sincerely.” He taps the side of his head, gesturing that he read your thoughts. “And for today too. I’m glad you’re here with me." Leaning closer, he asks in a whisper, "Can I hug you?”

As you remain speechless, still taking the time to process what the fuck is he saying, he tugs you closer to his chest, gently circling one arm around your waist and another one cradling your head. The way he lets out a sigh of relief stirs the tiny hairs on your neck, his hot breath fanning your ear.

“Umm, I—” It feels like you’re having a heart attack. “Hyuck—”

“Just for a few seconds more,” he whispers, embracing you tighter, face sinking into the crook of your neck. “Please.”

Your hands are freezing mid-air, not sure where to place them. But when you finally dare to indulge yourself in the comfort of his arms, it feels perfect. “I, uhh…” You laugh a little from being too nervous. “There’s something I want to thank you too. Jaehyun mentioned the other night that I’m more open with my thoughts these days, more straightforward. I think it’s because of you. Spending time with you makes it easier for me to convey my feelings in actual words since you always force me to say more instead of thinking too much. I don’t know if you’ve heard about this in my head but I admire you, Hyuck. Your confidence, your bravery, your lively charm—you’re endearing.” Your fingers are splayed on his back, your sheepish smile brushing against his clothed shoulder. “Honestly, I’m your biggest fan.”

Donghyuck only responds with a quiet hum, the tip of his nose grazing the side of your neck. When you call out his name, he adds, “Next time when you want to compliment me, don’t start with another man’s name.” But he only says that so you won’t be able to notice how heat is rushing to his face.

“I also like the fact that you’re so attentive to other people’s needs,” you giggle when a flashback hits you. “I’ve noticed that whenever I feel so stressed out with my assignments, you always listen to my playlist so I can hear it in my head.”

He snorts. “Your playlist? Bold of you to assume that. I was just listening to mine.”

“So your playlist has a bunch of Emily Coulston’s songs but nothing from Justin Bieber? A truly devoted Belieber like you? Really?”

Donghyuck retaliates by tickling you until you’re out of breath but even then, he still doesn’t let you go, now idly propping his chin on your shoulder, sighing in content when the scent of your shampoo lingers in the air. 

“I made progress the other day,” you say when he finally ends the embrace but his hands are still resting on yours. “There was this girl who sat next to me on the bus, and she read Norwegian Wood—the best book of all time, hands down—and I reached out to her. Told her it was a great book.”

Donghyuck scrunches his nose cutely at you, combining it with a boyish grin. “And what did she say?”

“She said yes, she loved it too." You beam at him. "Aren’t you proud of me?”

Donghyuck won’t admit it out loud but the smile that blooms on your face, both shy and proud, sends butterflies flying in his stomach. His heart flutters at the sound of your bashful giggles, and when he settles his palm on your head, fingers sliding down to tuck a few loose strands of your hair behind your ear, his eyes emit so much adoration for you. “I am,” he answers, “I’ve always been.”

There’s no word in your vocabulary that’s jubilant enough to describe the feeling that erupts in your chest when he regards you with those eyes, and you know that neither of you wants to end the moment and lose each other’s touch. It’s until you feel him shivering that you decide to yank yourself away from his embrace, asking, “Hey, are you okay? You’re trembling.”

He forces himself to smile with the little strength he can muster. “I think I need to lay down.”

You nod several times in instant agreement, helping him to stand up on his feet and carry him back to his bed. “Careful,” you warn as he lies down, exhaling heavily when his head sinks into his pillow. “I’ll go buy you some ibuprofen, okay? I’ll be back.”

“No.” He takes a hold of your wrist before you can even take a step away. “I’ve taken some earlier today, so just—” He slides his hand down, fingers slipping between yours. “Stay with me.”

His words. His touch. The expression he has on his face. Everything seems surreal that you find yourself holding your breath. “Hyuck—“

“Just until I fall asleep,” he pleads. “It won’t take long, I promise… Please?”

His eyes are steady as they hold your gaze while yours are shaking, conflicted, flustered. “Okay…”

His smile is delicate, making him look a few years younger especially with his eyes turning into a beautiful pair of crescents. “Thanks…” Donghyuck scoots over to the side, making some space that makes you frown. “What?” he asks. “You’re not going to stand there and wait for me, are you? I know you’re obsessing over me on a daily basis but you don’t have to blatantly act like a stalker that you are.”

You sigh, sitting on the edge of his bed. “I see your mouth still running fine.”

He giggles, pulling you down until you lay by his side, involuntarily basking on his intoxicating scent when your head is pressed against his pillow. Shouting his name in sheer embarrassment, you nearly jump out of the bed when he suddenly pins both of your hands down to the sheets, his body hovering above you.

“Now that I get you alone in my bed,” he starts, a naughty smirk breaking on his lips but it gets wiped out instantly when he flinches in pain, falling back to his pillow, eyes tightly shut. “H-headaches,” he says and you roll your eyes, punching him on his shoulder.

“Just sleep, will you?” You’re tired just by seeing his antics. “You can tease me another day so just go to sleep for now.”

He nods. “That’s probably a good idea.” But his hold around your wrist is even firmer. “Stay like this. It’s comforting.”

It’s bad for your heart and you’re also worried that he’ll read your thoughts and know that you—

“Think about whatever you want, I’m too weak to complain,” he says, keeping his eyes closed. “I’ll secretly judge but I won’t complain.”

“Well, I have been complaining about how you’re clingier when you’re sick.” Though it’s somewhat… cute.

Donghyuck smiles, turning his body to his side so he can face you properly. “Ask me that stupid idiom you always said.”

“What? Oh… A penny for your thoughts?”

“This…” His eyes trail down to the part where his fingers nearly brush against yours. He has released his hold from your wrist but none of you has the will to add more space between your hands. “This moment right here is the happiest I’ve ever been in the last few years.” He snuggles close, just enough that you can hear his breathing but with enough distance that you can’t feel his breath grazing your cheek. “Good morning, Sweetheart.”

“It’s still nighttime but—” You chuckle. “Good morning, Hyuck.”

***

On the following day, it surprises you when your legs decide to pivot and drag you toward the opposite direction even when you’re already a ten-minute walk away from your campus. You find yourself standing in front of Donghyuck’s apartment again, and the handsome boy with a mop of unruly brown hair greets you with a smile bright enough to rival the sun.

“I’m feeling better today. Way better,” he crows with a cheeky grin. “But I still need you to take care of me. Will you do me the honor?”

His charm is contagious and you don’t mind being infected by it. “What can you do without me?”

Yesterday, you were a bundle of nerves. Today, it feels like you’re coming home to your family. Donghyuck is so spoiled, adorably so which is weird because for a twenty-one-year-old man acting like a child, whining, teasing, complaining every ten minutes doesn’t really scream attractive, and yet, there you are, fulfilling his ridiculous wishes and smiling earnestly through everything.

“Can I ask you something?” You question, frowning at the sight of him gulping down the rest of his chicken cream soup in one try.

“After all these things you’ve done for me?” He moans at the taste. “I’d even let you marry me.”

By this point, you’ve become unfazed with his constant flirting which makes him pout about it sometimes, grousing how your reaction has become less cute. “How come I hear you singing a lot in my head but not in real life?” You query. “I only heard you sing that one time when we first met.”

You notice how he clenches his jaw at the question, though only for a split second. “Because I hate singing.” He jumps back to his feet and flings himself on the bed. “Now, I’m sleepy. Can you sing for me, please?”

“I think you’re avoiding my question.”

“I’m reaaaallly sleepy,” he exaggerates his whine. “Please? I’ll answer after I got my beauty sleep. I desperately need one. Don’t want to look like you on your best day.” With a bratty grin, he adds. “Cause on your worst day, you’re just ghastly.”

“Thanks.” But like a puppeteer, he always manages to tug on your heartstrings and forces you to comply. Sighing, you sit on the carpeted floor, pressing your spine against the edge of his bed with a book on your lap. 

Donghyuck turns to his side, giggling as he runs his fingers through your strands. “Your hair is so soft.”

“Just go to sleep, Hyuck.”

“I know you’re happy, though. Shall I praise you more?”

“Go to sleep!”

He huffs but settles down on the bed, his fingers no longer caressing your hair. Urging you to sing once more, you warn him that you’re no professional singer and you might sound awful to his ears but Donghyuck simply responds with a yawn. “I’ll be easy on the mockery,” he promises, which doesn’t offer any reassurance at all.

Suddenly being placed under the spotlight, you’re unsure of what song to sing but a song does come into your mind. Letting out a nervous breath, you begin to sing.

At the sound of your voice, Donghyuck freezes at once, his eyes widening in disbelief. Out of all the songs in the world, you have to choose that song—that one song that he never dares to vocalize out loud, too afraid of the memories that will surely resurface inside his head and plunge a javelin into his heart.

Not noticing his expression as you’re still facing away and too busy fiddling with your fingers out of nervousness, you continue singing with a shaky voice. Since you’ve memorized the lyrics by heart from how often the song was performed in your head, you gradually begin to gain confidence with more melody falling from your lips. Donghyuck has become unusually quiet, and it’s weird because you’ve expected him to, at least, make a lousy comment on your awkward performance. Out of curiosity, you turn around to sneak a peek at him.

Donghyuck has turned to his other side, facing the wall and only giving you the sight of the wrinkled shirt that sticks to his back. “Hyuck?”

His answer doesn’t come straight away and when he takes a deep breath, you notice how his shoulders tremble slightly. His voice is wavering, almost like a combination of a quiet sob and a small whimper. You reach out a hand by reflex, trying to make sure what is happening to him but he forces himself to laugh. “That was so awful,” he comments, voice so frail and thin as if it’s seconds away from breaking. “I didn’t sing it that badly in your head, did I?” 

You nearly wince from how terrible his act is. You know he’s hurting somehow, but you understand that ignoring his privacy and forcing him to speak when he’s not ready isn’t the right way to do it. He’ll tell you when he’s ready, you’re sure of it.

“Sing it to me again,” he says, voice cracking slightly at the end. “Please.”

After taking a few seconds to brace yourself, you take a seat on the edge of his bed this time, your fingers caressing his locks soothingly as a mother would do to her child. And as you begin to sing once again, the wall that Donghyuck built around him slowly crumbles to dust.

Then he cries.

***

Donghyuck’s eyelids are closed peacefully as he drifts into his dream, but his eyelashes are still wet and warm from the tears that he could no longer contain. 

Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream, and Donghyuck curled himself into a ball, his nails sinking into the fabric of his shirt as he hugged himself tight. He cried like a child begging for comfort from his mother, sobbing, shuddering, and breathless from the beginning to the end. You whispered his name, over and over again, as you laid next to him, shifting closer until you could comfort him with his warmth. You wanted him to notice that he wasn’t alone and you held him until his fervent sobs morphed into soft, restrained whimpers. Once the effect of the medicines he took finally kicked in, Donghyuck fell asleep, drowning in the comfort of your arms.

When he wakes up, eyes puffy and cheeks reddening from the memory of how he broke apart in front of you, he can’t meet your eyes. It’s funny that the way you’re behaving at the moment stands in stark contrast to how you usually are—with Donghyuck losing his confidence, twitching under your gaze, while you, on the other hand, manage to maintain your hold on his hand without a quiver running through your fingertips.

“I’ve cooked something for you when you were asleep,” you say when you’re sure he’s composed enough for you to leave him alone. You collect your belongings as you prepare for your leave. “You can re-heat the food later on for dinner.” 

“You’re—“ He clears his throat, scratching the back of his head. “You’re not going to ask about what happened?”

“I’m just gonna wait until you’re ready to say it.” You gently smile. “I’m not going anywhere, Hyuck. You have all the time you need to open yourself to me. And when you’re ready, I’ll be more than glad to listen.”

Donghyuck’s eyes finally attain the courage to peer into yours, but they don’t stay for long. And when he doesn’t utter anything else, you cast one last look over your shoulder before you disappear behind his door. “I’ll wait for you to start singing again.”

He bitterly smiles to himself. “Loudly or in your head?”

“Both.” Unlike his, yours are the warmest he has ever seen displayed on your face. “Goodbye, Hyuck.”

***

A little over a month after that, Donghyuck mentions that he’s heading back to his hometown in Jeju for the weekend and that’s fine, normal. What’s not is the part where he asks you to come with him.

“What—why—” You stammer, taking a step back as blood rushes to your face. “I mean—“

“Stop blushing like that, you’re gonna make this weird!” He complains, but the way he looks just as flushed makes you blush even harder. “Look, there’s a reason why I want you to come—as friends, mind you—so could you not overthink about it and just play along?”

“But—” You’re feeling dizzy at this point. “How are you going to introduce me to your family?”

“My family isn’t going to be there. They’ll be spending a night at my aunt’s place.”

We're going to be ALONE?!

"Ouch, hey!" Donghyuck flinches in pain, slamming both hands on each side of his head. "Can you stop screaming in my head?"

"S-sorry." You fix your collar, feeling like you're stepping inside a sauna when it's literally snowing outside your building. “And why aren’t you coming with them?”

“‘Cause I hate family gatherings,” he spits out bitterly. “And by this point, my parents know better not to force me to come so they just asked me to look after the house.”

No, but spending the whole weekend in an empty house? That smells just like him? Only the two of us?!

“Yah!” He flicks your forehead without warning. “I said, don’t make this weird!”

“But this is weird!” It burns, actually, the spot he just hit so you rub your temple vigorously. “I’m not even your girlfriend—”

“Nobody is saying that you’re my—ugh, God! Just take this!” He not-so-gently slams an airplane ticket to your face. “I already bought that so you can’t say no. I know you don’t have anything planned this weekend anyway.”

“Actually, I’m—”

“How many times do I have to remind you that I can read your thoughts?” He pinches both of your cheeks at the same time, pulling on the skin until you whine. But when he notices how truly uncomfortable you are with the whole thing, his eyes begin to droop, gaze softening. “Look,” he starts, gentler this time as he moves his hand to your head. “I know this makes you feel uneasy, but it has something to do with our mental bond. I’ve found a way to work it out but to do that, I need you to trust me.” He bends down to match your height, leaning closer until your forehead is only a few inches away from pressing against his. “Can you do this for me?”

His face is so close, too close, that you can count his eyelashes if you want to. “O-okay…”

You have a hard time holding eye contact with him but did his eyes just shift down to your lips right before you break it? 

“Good then,” he says, returning the comfortable space that you need. “I’ll see you this weekend. Pack up some warm clothes.” And he walks away without looking back, rubbing the back of his nape that slightly turns scarlet. 

But maybe it’s just because of the cold. 

***

“Thank you for inviting me to dinner,” you say, not sure where to stare at when Jaehyun leans against his doorframe, arms crossed in front of his chest, looking so damn handsome without trying. “You really don’t have to cook for me every night. I could do it myself.”

“I don’t mind.” He smiles, amused to see you twitching around on your feet. “It’s always better to have dinner with someone rather than eating alone.”

“That’s great…” Once you bore your eyes in his, it’s hard to break away and suddenly, everything fades into a blur. You shake your head to snatch yourself back from your reverie. “Anyway, I’m going on a trip this weekend so, umm, I won’t be able to hang out with you.” A realization dawns on you, making you blurt out in a hurry. “I—I don’t know why I'm telling you this, it’s not like we’ve made a promise to see each other every weekend—”

“With who?” Your ears perk up more at the tone he’s using than his words.

“Umm… Donghyuck.”

“The same Donghyuck you��ve been seeing a lot these days?”

“I—I won’t say a lot. We just meet each other over coffee from time to time,” you ramble, playing with the hem of your knitted sweater this time from not being able to handle his sudden intense gaze. He sounds unusually protective, like a father asking his daughter when she came home hours after curfew. “But yes…”

“I see," he solemnly replies. “How long?”

“I’ll be back by Sunday night. W-why?”

“No reason.”

“Okay…” The tension is so thick, it’s almost suffocating you. Can’t find the courage to ask why he was asking you such questions, you decide to turn around and head back to your place. “Thanks again, for, uhh, dinner. Good ni—”

“Must you go?” He suddenly asks, grabbing your wrist to stop you in your tracks. “Can’t you just stay here with me?”

“I…” You can’t decipher his expression. It’s the first time he’s ever looked that way. It reminds you of the way Donghyuck always looked whenever you mentioned Jaehyun’s name out of the blue. “I can’t… I’ve promised him I’d go.”

Jaehyun sees something in your eyes that brings him back to reality, quickly gathers himself together, and smiles the way he always smiles—warm and beautiful. Only this time, it seems lonely. “You’re right, sorry." He retracts his hand, his warmth still somehow lingers on your skin. "That was out of line. I hope you have a nice trip.”

You can only nod. “Well, uhh… Good night.”

“Good night.”

***

Donghyuck hates it. He hates how easily Jaehyun can morph every picture of him in your head to his dimpled smile just by speaking a few sentences. He hates how Jaehyun has so many effects on you without trying when Donghyuck has to give his all for you to notice him. And he fucking hates the way your thoughts are now filled with joy knowing that Jaehyun wanted you to stay with him when you were supposed to be thinking about spending your nights alone with the boy who could read your thoughts.

“Stupid cheesy bastard with his stupid cheesy lines,” Donghyuck grumbled at the ceiling of his room. Exhaling loudly, he grabs his phone, tapping a message, “Pick your choice: Slipknot’s Solway Firth or Metallica’s Cyanide.”

Oh shit, he must have heard me. Donghyuck rolls his eyes at your thoughts. Hey, Hyuck. For what?

“For your final song. Im’ma wreck both of our eardrums.”

I’m sorry. I was being loud, huh? I’ll try to keep my thoughts in check. Spare me tonight, please? I feel like my heart is gonna give up on me, honestly.

Donghyuck doesn’t text back. Instead, he tosses his phone on the bed and drowns himself in his pillow. “Idiot.”

***

“Stop looking so tense, you’re making me feel tense,” Donghyuck complains as he bumps his shoulder against yours. The plane took off smoothly but the little turbulence that occurs almost every ten minutes makes you fidget on your seat, your fingers clawing against your jean-clad thighs. You’ve never flown in the snow before and even when the stewardess regularly assures the passengers that it’s largely safe to fly in, you can’t help but be anxious about it.

“Yes, thinking about falling from the plane, thirty thousand feet without a parachute does help with your anxiety.” Donghyuck rolls his eyes when you’re busy thinking about the worst that could happen. “If you don’t stop shouting in my head in the next ten seconds, I’m gonna have to hold your hand until we land.”

“What?!” You shriek, flustered by the thought but Donghyuck only shrugs, puts on his headphones, and plugs the jack into his phone. 

Has he switched his phone to airplane mode? What if he forgot? Should I—

“Oh my dear God,” he loudly groans, “Yes, I’ve switched it to airplane mode. Even if I haven’t, one phone isn’t going to suddenly make this plane combust into flames!” He reaches out a hand, slipping his fingers between yours in the way that feels so natural, it’s weird. Holding them mid-air, he grumbles. “There. Your consequence. Now you’re just gonna have to think about me until we’re back on the ground.”

Mouth agape with incredulity, you can only lay still on your seat and, as he’s expected, begin to think about how in the world are you going to survive this whole trip with him being like this? You can feel his warmth seeping into your skin, the texture of his palm, his lean fingers...

Donghyuck secretly smiles, pleased with the sight of you panicking over your intertwined fingers but not as much as he is with the fact that he gets to be this close to you for the next half an hour. Running his thumb along the screen of his iPhone, he shuffles through his playlist and just realizes that half of the songs he has in his phone suits your taste more than his own. The fact that he just realizes it now startles him even more.

“Since when do you listen to The Smiths?” You ask as the song that goes through his ears rings inside your head too. 

“Since birth,” Donghyuck mutters. There’s no way in hell he’d say that he’s been adding slow songs from your favorite indie rock bands to his playlist for your sake.

You scrunch up your nose at his response but soon begin to relax as you focus on the song more than his breathing. The lyrics of a man secretly admiring a woman he’s in love with makes you wonder about Jaehyun but it gradually changes when you taste a spark of Donghyuck’s perfume and suddenly, you’re conscious of how his hand is holding yours again. How, without his gloves, his palm feels a bit calloused. His fingers are warm and longer than yours but slightly thinner. And when you secretly glance to the side, noticing that he has his eyes closed, his breathing steady with his lips slightly parted as he drifts into his dreamland, you allow yourself to stop and stare for a little longer. The shape of his nose is adorable. His lips are naturally pouty and he looks so young, almost angelic, a stark contrast to how demonic he can be when he’s awake. You know you’re being too close when you can faintly smell his shampoo at this point but he’s so intriguing that it’s almost impossible to stop.

Until he shifts in his sleep and you nearly die from a heart attack.

Stop it. What are you even doing, smelling a boy’s hair like that? You sigh, rubbing a hand over your face. The sound of an acoustic guitar slowly puts your mind at ease and it’s so convenient to be able to hear the songs you love without needing to put your AirPods on. But the thing you love the most is the fact that he knows your favorite songs by heart and often sings them unconsciously in his mind. You adore these songs for many kinds of reasons but having him sing the songs you love in your head is something you never want to be traded with anything in the world.

With a smile on your face, you thank him by squeezing his hand, but Donghyuck doesn’t budge, only snoring slightly.

Not long after, just like him, you’re lulled to sleep. 

Except, Donghyuck has been awake the entire time, only pretending to be asleep because he knows you’ve been stealing glances at him. The way his stomach somersaulted when you took a sniff of his hair is something he will only confess to you over his dead body. His heart jolts a little when your head falls on his shoulder, murmuring something inaudible under your breath as you lose track of the world. 

“Ah, fuck, I think I’m going insane,” he curses in a whisper. “How can you be this cute, honestly—”

“A blanket, Sir?” A flight attendant chimes in, and this time he curses rather loudly.

“Oh—” He quickly gathers himself. “No, I’m fine, thanks.”

“For your girlfriend, perhaps?”

Donghyuck’s cheeks are reddening in an instant. “She’s—” But when he looks at the way you’re leaning toward him, your hand in his, he thinks, we do look like a couple, don’t we? And even just the thought of it warms his chest. “Yes, one for—” He gulps. “M-my girlfriend.”

“You guys are so cute.” The way the stewardess hands him the blanket with a knowing smile strapped on her lips makes him blush even harder. “Enjoy your flight.”

“You are seriously driving me insane,” Donghyuck says, covering half of your body with the blanket. His eyes are filled with nothing but admiration when he adds, “Idiot.”

As he rests his head on top of yours, with the song resonating through your ears and his, Donghyuck has the biggest smile plastered on his face, blooming with joy that he will keep as a secret until you’re brave enough to confess yours out loud. 

*** 

Donghyuck is more nervous having you step inside his childhood home more than you are, which is supposed to be hilarious considering how aggressively he’d invited you before, but in reality, it only makes you feel seconds away from vomiting your heart out of your mouth. The house smells pleasantly like a mix of sandalwood and jasmine which should effectively calm your nerves but it only makes you feel lightheaded. The steps you take echo through the entire house, making it impossible to think about anything else other than the fact that there are only the two of you here for the whole weekend. 

“My room is, umm, upstairs.” Donghyuck untangles his scarf from his neck, his teeth slightly chattering from the cold. But if you were a tad more perceptive, you'd know that his cheeks are reddening for an entirely different reason. “You can take my sister’s room if you like. It’s next to mine.” 

You nod and Donghyuck, who has been looking anywhere but your eyes for almost the whole trip there, finally gains the courage to take a glimpse at you. His shoulders sag a little, eyebrows adjoining in the middle in concern at the sight of you. “Look at you,” he comments, closing the space between you with every stride of his long legs until his fingers are chasing snow off your strands. “Your hair is a mess. Didn’t you wear a beanie before?”

“Yeah, but I lost it when—” You hold your breath when his touch slowly becomes tender with each movement. His fingers slip between your locks before they go down to remove the wooly scarf that has been keeping your neck warm. The way his eyes are perceiving yours so intensely makes you feel like he’s undressing your entire clothing when he has barely taken off your coat yet. You can only stand still as your thoughts begin to run without control. The word why and what are the ones that appear the most.

Even if he can read your mind, he doesn’t indulge himself with your thoughts. His hand goes back to cup your cheek, his thumb tracing your cheekbone while the other one is sneaking around your waist. “H-Hyuck?”

Donghyuck’s eyes are half-lidded, unfocused and everything seems to vanish into a blur when he suddenly leans in, his lips ghosting against your cheek as he pulls you into an embrace. He murmurs your name, slowly, alluringly, and you can feel his breath on your jawline before—

A yelp escapes your lips when Donghyuck sinks his teeth in your clothed shoulder, hard enough to inflict pain but gentle enough to not leave any bruises. He grins from ear-to-ear when you push him away, mocking you with, “What, did you think I was going to kiss you?”

Face aflame, you curl your fingers into tiny balls of fists. “You’re so dead!” 

But that stupid antic of his manages to break the tension and you can finally breathe in ease. The old Donghyuck is back and he makes fun of you whenever he has the chance and it’s okay. It’s better for your heart this way. 

Before you two head upstairs, Donghyuck insists to have something to eat even when he has practically inhaled a whole sandwich just an hour ago. He tells you to wait as he takes care of the cooking and honestly? By the smell of it, you can’t find anything to complain about.

“What are we having for dinner?” You ask as you take a seat on the dining table, your chin lying idly on your palm with your elbow propped on the surface.

“If we were dating, I would say you,” he says, which you respond with a kick to his shin. Donghyuck is sitting right next to you, an apron wrapped around his waist, a phone in his hands as he waits for the pasta to boil. “But since we’re enemies, I’d say Chicken Scampi Pasta for me, and a gallon of tears for you since you’re salty all the time, you must be dehydrated.”

“Thanks.”

But when he’s finished, Donghyuck lays down a plate of your most favorite dish in the world, along with a cup of silky smooth caramel pudding that he stole from the fridge. He doesn’t reflect your smile when you practically thank him with teary eyes, only harshly muttering, “I know you order this every time we eat outside so I’m trying to make you eat this as much as I can until you vomit to death.”

He’s an excellent cook, and the more you spend your time with him, surrounded by his childhood memories, the more you notice that he’s more than you thought he could ever be. From the pictures you’ve seen hanging on the walls, you could tell how much his family is proud of him—how much he’s surrounded by love growing up. He’s popular, and in every photo, his presence is blinding, always standing as the center of attention. 

“Stop staring at them, I used to have a lousy haircut,” he comments, tugging you away from the wall by the back of your collar. “Let’s go to my room, I have something to show you.”

“I think you looked great with a bowl cut. Would it ever make a comeback?”

“Maybe, when Jaehyun finally kisses you. Which would be never.”

A smack to the head is necessary at times like this, and Donghyuck deserves it, at least, twice.

The scent of sandalwood instantly vanishes without a trace the second you enter his room. It smells exactly like him, like his apartment, like his clothes, like his hair—

“You smelled my hair?” Donghyuck frowns at you, though he secretly knew all along. “When? When I was asleep on the plane? Eew, gross.”

You wince in pain when his words made you stumble and inadvertently hit the back of your head against the door. “Please don’t do that.”

“That’s my line, idiot.” Huffing, he casts his bag to the bed without care, before plopping down to join and snuggle with his pillow. “Aaah, my love, I’ve missed you!”

You ignore him and take a little tour, scanning your eyes from one corner of the room to another. Unlike his apartment that’s designed like a typical gamer room, this one looks more like a mini music studio. There’s an upright piano with a collection of Michael Jackson’s vinyl records strapped against the wall above it. Pictures of him winning various kinds of music competitions are displayed in frames, with a poster of Queen glued above his headboard.

His knowledge and love for music are riveting, and you feel even more confused because if he loves music this much why does he never talk about it? Why have you never seen him play? Or sing something out loud?

“That’s what I wanted to tell you,” Donghyuck confesses and you draw your eyes back to him. His smile is weary, shoulders hunching from exhaustion but you doubt it’s because of the trip. He takes a seat at the piano and asks for you to follow with a nod of his head. When you sit next to him, Donghyuck lifts the fallboard but his fingers freeze when he lays them on the keyboards.

You wait, somehow a bit nauseous from seeing how nervous he is, and you keep yourself mute until you see shivers running through his fingertips. “Hyuck? You okay?”

“Sorry,” he laughs so awkwardly it almost makes you flinch from how desperate he’s trying to act casual about it. “It’s just been a while since I played, so—” He takes a deep breath. “Let me try again.”

Somehow, the situation—the tension, the suspense—feels like you’re watching him trying to diffuse a bomb instead of pressing a key on a piano that he’s owned for years. Donghyuck’s bottom lip is turning white from how deep he’s sinking his teeth into the supple skin—an attempt to stop his fingers from shaking.

Aiming to reduce the tension, you place your hands on the keyboards, imitating his position. “I’ve never played piano in my life, can you teach me?”

Donghyuck blinks, finally manages to swallow down the breath that’s been hitching on his throat. “Oh, umm—“ He clears his throat. “Yeah, sure… Anything you want to learn in particular?”

“I don’t know. Just pick a random chord for me.”

“Okay, well…” He’s so hesitant with his words like a student having a stage fright before his first presentation. His action speaks that he’s in a dire need of consolation but you’re not sure what to give. “First, you gotta—c-can I touch your hand? It’s easier that way.”

Your heart aches a little bit because in normal circumstances—from how much he has been constantly flirting with you—Donghyuck would never even think about asking that kind of question. “Sure.”

Donghyuck’s hand is icy cold and damp from nervous sweat when he presses his palm against the back of your hand, his fingers guiding yours to hit the right keys. “So this is a G.” He places your thumb on a white key, “this is a B,” he guides your middle finger this time, “and this is a D,” he lifts your pinky finger. “By pressing all three at the same time, you’ll get a G Major. But it can be played in different inversions.”

You notice how the tremble in his voice has begun to recede albeit only slightly. “Okay, what else?”

“Then, C Major would be…”

The way his shoulders start to loosen up little by little with more seconds he spends teaching you the basic notes, makes your own body relax a little. He was so tense before that it felt like the air was suffocating you as well. “You’re good at this,” you praise as he teaches you the next chord.

“At playing the piano?” He chuckles lightly. “Or teaching you?”

“Both, I guess.”

“You haven’t even seen me played yet.”

“I'd love to.” Stunned at your words, you repeat, "I would love to hear you play, Hyuck."

His fingers stop, slowly detaching themselves from yours. “I just…” He brings his eyes down to the keyboards but his hands are nowhere near them. “I’m too scared.”

His voice is quiet, so quiet, that you have to shift closer to hear him better. “Hyuck,” you whisper, your hand finding its way back to his, squeezing him tightly with your warmth. “A penny for your thoughts?”

Donghyuck looks startled before he melts into a benign smile. “Fine, but only this time.” 

His story starts with the name Mark Lee rolling off his tongue and somehow, you’re not surprised. What surprises you, and worries you, is the way Donghyuck talked about him as if he was only a memory and nothing more.

“In a way, yes,” he says, reading your thoughts. “Since he died two years ago.”

“I’m—” Your body jolts as a pang begins to form inside your chest. “I’m sorry…”

Donghyuck smiles wearily, placing his palm above your head, slightly patting your hair. “Thanks.” When he drags it away, he lets his fingers card through your strands a bit longer than he’s supposed to. “Mark... wasn’t just a friend—I lied before when you asked me about him. He was my cousin but he’d lived with my family since we were kids. His parents had to work overseas and he didn’t want to go with them, saying that all of his friends were here, as if he couldn’t make any friends over there.” Donghyuck scoffed but there was nothing but a longing sadness behind his tone. “He was so stupid.”

“He seemed endearing to me.” 

“Literally everybody thought so too,” he continued, “Which used to piss me off so much especially when Mom always took his side whenever we fought—over her own son, can you believe that?”

The way Donghyuck described Mark was filled with adoration, though his choice of words could be better. And their friendship was even more adorable, which almost made you jealous of how lucky he is to be able to experience such kind of bond. Donghyuck tells you how much he spent his childhood days with Mark, even when the latter was a year older than him. They bickered more often than not—they liked different TV shows, fought over who won and who cheated every time they played games, but if there was one thing they had in common, it was their taste in music. And that was enough. That became their everything.

Mark’s only dream was to become a professional songwriter and he wanted Donghyuck to sing all of his songs. The younger boy was more than eager to fulfill his wishes as that was everything for Mark, and Mark was everything for him.

“There was this dumb thing he said to me,” Donghyuck says, chuckling but his eyes speak loneliness. “I’ve played this song over and over in my head before I wrote it down on papers, and yet it didn’t sound near as beautiful when I heard you sing it. I wrote the song but you make it yours.”

You warmly smile. “That sounds nice.”

“That sounds sappy and cliché.” Donghyuck scoffs, but you know how much he misses the boy who praised him with such gentle words. “But the thing with Mark is that he always spoke what came to his mind. His words were always sincere and I can’t remember when was the last time he lied to me. He probably never did.”

Mark once mentioned that Donghyuck was born to perform, and young Donghyuck at that time, who was more into soccer than anything else, only snorted at the thought but Mark never gave up in convincing him to sing. Not long after that, Mark’s dream of performing the songs he wrote to a crowd filled with faceless strangers became his own dream too. Mark was the reason why he stood on the stage, and Donghyuck was the reason why Mark spent endless nights scribbling down chords and lyrics that he created in his head.

Donghyuck was in a school band and he did a lot of cover songs during festivals and homecoming parties but as they went to different high schools, Mark could never accompany him on stage. He would always ask to see the video afterward though—or see him in person if possible—and complain every time Donghyuck flirted with the crowd, saying, “Was the wink really necessary?” Which Donghyuck simply responded by throwing yet another exaggerated wink at the man.

By the time Mark entered college, he moved out of Donghyuck’s house to stay at the dorm and although the younger man felt abandoned, he forced himself to smile because, in the end, they knew how they both had their separate lives to live for. 

Donghyuck’s band was invited to perform at the graduation party and that would be his last one performing in front of his colleagues. Wanted to make it memorable, Donghyuck asked to perform one of Mark’s handwritten songs and the rest of his members agreed in a heartbeat after they listened to it. Donghyuck was proud of Mark, he had always been, and he wanted to show just how talented and wonderful he was to the rest of the world.

He kept it a secret from the older boy, though. He wanted Mark to be surprised, gaping at him with his jaw dropping to the floor when people cheered for the song he wrote. Donghyuck was pestering him non-stop about it, and with a laugh, Mark promised he would come to his graduation party. Donghyuck practiced harder than he ever did in his life. He wanted everything to be perfect since it would be the first time for Mark’s song to be released in public.

But Mark arrived two hours after Donghyuck’s band had left the stage. And to make it even worse, he was drunk to his core. Donghyuck was so furious, he spent the entire night avoiding him. With so much rage running through his veins, he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold back his temper if he saw Mark grinning at him like the drunk man that he was.

Donghyuck twists his wrist so he can lace your fingers with his lean ones, and although you stiffen at the sight of how your hand fits his perfectly, your mind focuses more on his story as he continues. “I remember him saying, “What are you so upset about? I promise I’d come to your graduation party and here I am!” And I know how it was unfair for me to be mad about it but I was just so, so angry at that time. Not seeing me perform on stage was one thing, but showing up late at one of the most important nights in my life, drunk?” His grip around you tightens. “And when I asked him the reason why he was late, he had this stupid fucking grin on his face and answered ‘this really cute girl I’ve been crushing on asked me to meet her at a bar, so I did, and guess what? She kissed me.’”

But when Donghyuck’s voice breaks, it’s not because of the anger that bubbles up in his chest. It’s because of the guilt and agony, of how much he hates himself for the things he said to the other male that night. 

Donghyuck hangs his head low, his bangs covering his eyes. His hand is no longer tangled to yours. “I punched him in the face when we reached the parking lot. I remember how shocked he looked when blood trickled down from his nose. I was too, I didn’t know what had gotten into me. But when I was about to take off, he tackled me and—” Donghyuck slips his fingers between his strands, tugging hard at his locks. “I said things I didn’t mean to say. I just really, really wanted to hurt him that time. God, I—”

You reach out a hand toward him, desperate to give him the solace he needs. “Hyuck—”

“I told him I hated him,” Donghyuck confesses, his hands intertwined in front of his face as if he’s praying. “I told him how he always took the spotlight from me, always thinking about himself first, and how he was never there when I needed him. But it’s not true—I didn’t mean any of that—but I remember how I said those words to him. I remember the pain in his eyes when he heard them. And I remember how he just didn’t say anything—just going back to his car, driving away without glancing back at me. And I remember how his car smashed right into a van, right in front of my eyes.”

Your breath is stuck in your throat. “What?”

“I should’ve taken him home—” Donghyuck is breathing fast, half of his face is covered by his hands. “I shouldn’t have let him drive on his own when he was that intoxicated. I did that to him. I let him die—”

His hands are on his lap, trembling as he stares at them as if they were the ones who caused Mark’s death. You hold them tightly with your own but no matter how many times you call out his name, Donghyuck is lost in his thoughts.

“I remember how I froze, couldn’t believe my eyes, couldn’t believe that it was real. The sound of the accident was so loud and then it was nothing. Nothing at all. I ran and ran, and didn’t stop even when it felt like my lungs were catching on fire. A patrolling police car came just a few seconds before I managed to get there and by the time I was close enough to see, Mark was—”

Donghyuck abruptly covers his mouth, coughing fervently and the memory must have been so painful for him that only by retaining a speck of it made him nearly vomit his insides. You lean in to pry his hands away from his face and bring him closer until you’re chest-to-chest, murmuring soothing words in his ears until his frantic breathing gradually becomes slower. He holds you tighter around the waist, face sinking into the crook of your neck like when he held you the first time, only now, you can feel that his cheeks are wet, aligned with the tears he’s been trying to fight back. He’s sobbing so quietly as if it was a sin to scream the pain that’s been filling his chest out loud. His whole body trembles and as if he thought you were slipping away, he embraces you tighter, and tighter, until it becomes a hurdle to breathe properly.

But you won’t let him go, not until he can smile as brightly as the sun once again.

“I’m sorry…” Is the first thing Donghyuck says after he has enough power to break away from you. The way he immediately turns around, hiding his face as he rubs his nape awkwardly lets you know just how embarrassed he is from letting his emotions take control. 

“It’s okay.” You’re smiling to yourself as you ruffle his hair. Donghyuck stiffens at the touch and he slowly reaches up to take hold of your hand, bringing it down to his lap as he turns to face you once more. 

“I always feel like I’m not being fair to him,” Donghyuck whispers, closing his eyes, eyebrows furrowing in pain. “Whenever I try to sing out loud, I feel like I shouldn’t. Because music brings me joy, even after all this time—even after all that happened, it still does. And I shouldn’t be happy, not after what I’ve done to him.”

“It was an accident, Hyuck—”

“An accident that wouldn’t have happened if I had enough sense to act as the better man that night. I shouldn’t have let him go, yet I did.”

You are both in the same age, yet, as he gazes at you with his nose going red at the tip, his eyes still red and a bit watery, he appears like a small, fragile boy. Now that he’s stripped naked from his charisma and confidence, he’s nothing more but a vulnerable, lost young man, helplessly searching for a way to glue the shattered pieces of his heart back into one. 

You feel so honored to be the one he tells these things to. And you adore him—adore the way he accepts his mistakes, adore the way he sacrifices so much of his happiness for someone who’s no longer able to appreciate it. Adore the way he can love someone this intensely, even when the memories of them choke the air out of his lungs. Adore the way that even when time has passed, he’s still looking for someone to forgive him and give back his purpose to live.

That’s right. A purpose.

“I’m in no position to say this,” you say and try your best to focus even when Donghyuck’s thumb is caressing the back of your hand. “But if I were him, I would tell you to stop blaming yourself and move on. I would want you to be happy, to play more music until it’s enough to cover for us both. And I wouldn’t want you to stop especially when it was so important for us.”

Donghyuck shakes his head. “He was the reason why I enjoyed music so much and I took everything from him.”

“Then find another reason,” you insist, leaning closer so he has no other choice but to lock his eyes with yours. “If you can’t sing for yourself, then sing for me. Whenever it feels too much, you can stop anytime you want but know that I’ll be waiting for you.” Donghyuck’s lips are slightly parted, but no words come out so you continue with yours. “I’ll wait for you, Lee Donghyuck, no matter how long it takes for you to be brave enough to hear your voice. I’ll be waiting to hear you sing.” You cup his cheek, rubbing comforting circles on his cheekbone with your thumb, smiling tenderly at him. “And seeing you smile that stupid, annoying grin of yours as you do it.”

Donghyuck doesn’t utter a word but his delicate, sheepish smile speaks more than enough. There’s a few seconds of silence where both of you just sink in each other’s comfort and small touches but the tension gets heavier when you’ve become conscious of how close his face is being and how his eyes drift down to your lips—

“A-anyway—” You jump back to your feet, breaking away to catch a breath you desperately need. “I need to go take a shower.”

Aware of the intimate moment you just shared with him before, Donghyuck awkwardly clears his throat. “Sure, uhh—yeah. Me too. I’ll see you downstairs in an hour? We can, umm—“ He scratches the back of his head, gulping hard. “We can watch a movie or something.”

“S-sounds nice.”

***

“Well, don’t you look comfy,” Donghyuck coos with his signature grin when he sees you walking down the stairs about an hour later. Like you, his hair is still damp from the shower, slightly slicked back after he runs a hand through his locks. He’s dressed cozily in a grey sweater and a pair of black sweatpants, sniffling from the cold as he wanders to your spot. You catch a scent of aftershave hanging in the air between you, and a bit of his minty toothpaste when he calls your name. He leans closer and you shut your eyes in reflex, even when you’re not sure what to anticipate. Lips nearly grazing your earlobe, he whispers, “Stop looking at me like you have a crush on me or I’ll attack you for real.”

“I don’t—” But Donghyuck easily dodges your poor attempt at punching his stomach. As you’re busy trying to recollect the little pride you have left, he ruffles your hair, breezily saying, “Cute pajamas, by the way,” before he tugs you by the wrist and leads you to his living room.

It’s funny that when he acts flirty, it’s easier for you to wave him off and treat his words as another joke you can dismiss. But when he's touching you so naturally like this, your heart palpitates. Donghyuck seems more relaxed now that you’re munching on a bowl of popcorn—that you successfully stole from his lap—and mocking him over his taste in movies. “The Kissing Booth? Really?”

“Then, be my guest.” He throws the remote to your lap, pouting. “Please.”

You sneer. “You really like that movie, don’t you?”

“Shut up.”

In the end, after switching from one channel to another, you both decide to watch re-runs of the fifth season of Vikings—which isn’t a bad thing at all, but somehow, Donghyuck is sitting way too close to you—even when the couch still has room for two people more—and you’re more aware of how many breaths he takes in a minute compared to the actual plot of the show.

“What about you?” Donghyuck suddenly asks as he takes a few popcorns into his hand. “What’s your story? Something must have happened since you’re connected to me.”

“Nothing happened to me,” you say and when Donghyuck gives you a look, you add, “I’m being honest. But that’s the problem, I guess. Nothing ever happened to me. I have no friends, have no family that cares enough to make a phone call once a week to check on my condition, no hobby, probably no purpose in life too. I’m just kinda living through each day, doing nothing memorable, just normal, boring stuff.”

“Except thinking about your stupid neighbor.”

“The reason why he even came into my life was because my parents forced him to look after me from time to time. I doubt he’d pay any attention to me otherwise.”

Donghyuck hums. “But deep down you want to change?”

You pause, musing on his words that echoed through your mind. You deliberately nod, nibbling at the corner of your lip. “Yes. I don’t want to live like this forever. I want to share my moments with someone—the things I like, the things I hate, and I want them to share theirs too. Being alone is fine but…” Your hold around the bowl tightens. “I can’t stand being lonely.”

It strikes Donghyuck too close to home. Like you, he’s fine on his own, but every time he remembers that Mark is no longer here to reciprocate his nonsensical words, he can barely function—drowning too deep in loneliness, snatched away from his light. You, on the other hand, are waiting for someone to shine their lights on you and steal you away from the shadows you’ve been burying yourself in.

“I just want my presence to mean something,” you quietly vocalize, “I want to be remembered by someone—in a good way.”

“You mean something to me,” he says, with all the seriousness he can muster, so much that it doesn’t fit his personality. “I... That time when I was sick and you came by to visit me, I thought I was lucky to have someone by my side. To have you."

You swallow thickly, slightly abashed. "Thanks. You don't need to cheer me up like that though."

"I mean it," he affirms, "Stop thinking so lowly of yourself. You're amazing the way you are. And if you think the same about me, if you're satisfied with me, I want to be able to remember you—remember us—this thing we have, this connection between us—” He finally looks to the side, catching your eyes. “I don’t know if I’ve said this before, but I’m glad that you’re the person I’m bonded with. I wouldn’t have traded you with anyone else.”

You’re going insane. You know you shouldn’t feel like this, especially when he can hear every bit of your thoughts, but you can’t control the way your heart rate soars whenever he steals glances at you with that look on his face. 

When you avert your gaze, cheeks burning, Donghyuck chuckles, “So cute.” Which you respond by throwing popcorn to his face. But maybe it’s just because of the situation—two friends spending a night alone watching TV on one of the coziest couches you’ve ever been on, after spending intimate moments of sharing painful, traumatic memories—yes, obviously, it’s just because of that and nothing more. Don’t you already have Jaehyun to think about?

When your phone rings, clattering on the table, you nearly faint from the shock. Exhaling heavily, you check your phone, blinking twice when the name Jaehyun pops up on your screen.

“Speak of the Devil, huh?” Donghyuck comments, somewhat coldly but you shot him a glare, telling him to stop reading my mind, asshole. 

Usually, you’d pick up without hesitation so it surprises you when you keep your phone pressed against your lap. 

“You really should answer it. Your ringtone is damn annoying.”

“But I’m watching a show,” you reply as if that makes sense. “And eating popcorns. I can’t talk with popcorns in my mouth.”

“You’re literally talking now.” Donghyuck sighs but the icy tone in his voice has morphed back into his cheery, teasing one. “He hasn’t seen you for a day and he already calls you twice? Dude’s pretty possessive.”

“He’s just worried since he knew I was going out of town. I’ll text him later. Just one more episode.”

Donghyuck is reclining on his seat, his shoulder brushing against yours. “Seems like you two are inseparable these days.”

“He’s just trying to be nice.” You try to act nonchalant, even when the topic makes you feel queasy. “He introduced me to his friends last month too, I don’t know if you—”

“Of course I knew that. You kept yapping inside my head about it.”

“Okay, sorry.” But his attitude doesn’t make you feel too sincere with your apology. “It still feels weird to be talking to a whole new group of people but they’re so nice. I like hanging out with them.”

“And now you’re avoiding his call because…?”

“Because he can wait,” you firmly state, peering into his eyes. “I’ve promised to spend the weekend with you and I intend to keep that promise.”

There’s a trace of blush on his cheeks but maybe it’s just because of the lighting. Smirking, he purrs, “My prince. The love of my life. The butter to my bread—”

“Shut up.”

“Wait, but that can also be a pick-up line! As in, I’ll let you butter my bread—”

You stuff a handful of popcorns into his mouth until he chokes and has no other options but to spit them out entirely. But what follows after that is silence, hanging around like an old friend until the credits roll. Noticing that Donghyuck practically has his head on your shoulder, you decide to bail before your thoughts begin to scream nonsense at you again. “I really should go back to my room—I mean, your sister’s room—” You mentally slap yourself from being so skittish over nothing. “We should get some sleep.”

“You’re right,” he agrees, yet neither of you leaves the room. You don’t even have the will to lift your leg. The remote is in Donghyuck’s hands and instead of turning it off, he shyly smiles at you, “Or maybe just one more? I don’t know about you, but I gotta know who gets to have sex with who on the next episode.” 

"We're watching about men fighting for their lives and that's what you want to know?"

"I gotta know whose boobs I'm going to see next."

Despite his horrible attempt in convincing you, you can’t find the strength to decline his offer. Donghyuck gives you enough space for you to sit on, but you’re still conscious of the way your hand is almost touching his. Just when the thought enters your mind, Donghyuck reaches out to close the gap, his palm covering the back of your hand, his fingers sliding against yours. 

You gulp but don’t pull away. “I-I thought I’ve asked you not to read my thoughts.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbles, eyes locked to the screen. “I’m just doing what I’ve been wanting to do.” 

And it doesn’t matter that friends don’t hold hands at 2 AM watching TV shows that none of you cares about. It doesn’t matter that friends don’t think about each other’s scent or the color of your lipstick this much. Status does not matter as much as the comfort and the connection you two feel for each other. No one can share this, no one can have this. This moment only belongs to you and him.

With more seconds go by, the more his hand on yours feels natural and as you bask in his warmth, your eyes begin to droop, heavy with sleep. Donghyuck notices you’re drifting away when your head falls on his shoulder. He gently shakes you awake but you don’t budge, mouth slightly parting. Donghyuck smiles to himself, his eyes softening at the sight of you. “Idiot.”

Donghyuck carries you in his arms, taking one step at a time carefully so he won’t wake you up. He hesitates when he stands in the hallway, contemplating whether it’d be okay to have you sleep on his bed instead of his sister’s, but not wanting to face your wrath in the morning, he decides to give up for now. Laying you down on his sister’s bed, Donghyuck pulls the blanket over your body. Though he knows he should be leaving, he takes a seat on the edge, his fingers brushing against your bangs.

“The reason why I brought you here was to tell you about our mental bond and how we can put an end to it by helping each other,” he speaks so quietly, but each word is heavy with thoughts and unspoken feelings. “By me helping you be more open to the world, and you helping me overcome my fear. But even without knowing that it could be the solution to break our bond, you already tried your best to support me. Why is that? Why would you do that for someone like me?”

You shift in your sleep, unaware of his presence. Donghyuck stiffens but smiles adoringly when he hears your peaceful snore. “You look so stupid when you sleep.” The bed sinks under his weight when he brushes the bangs away from covering your eyes. He hasn’t told you this but Donghyuck is terrified. The wish he made on the day he turned twenty is about to come true, he can feel it and now he wishes he could take it back.

Because your voice in his head is fading away, little-by-little, until all he can hear is whispers of your thoughts when you’re far away from each other. He knows you’re getting better, and the twenty-year-old Donghyuck would’ve been ecstatic knowing the bond is getting thinner, but not him. Not when he’s getting attached to you this much.

“I don’t want us to lose our bond,” he expresses. “If that’s what keeps you connected to me, I don’t ever want to lose it. I want you—I want to be with you longer… I’m selfish, aren’t I?”

When he caresses your cheek, you lean away, shivering from the cold of his hand. “I was so happy today, knowing that I was the only one in your mind. But I know once we head back home, you’ll start thinking about Jaehyun again and I—” He exhales heavily, fingers twisting against the sheet. “I hate it. I hate that he met you first. I hate that he lives right next to you. I hate that he’s able to see your face the first thing in the morning.” Donghyuck releases a shaky breath as he presses his temple against yours, murmuring, “And I hate that you’re attached to him—that you love him—even without sharing the bond like the one that we have.”

He tries to reason within himself, to stop him from doing what he’s been wanting to do for months ever since he met you but his body betrays him. He leans closer, his face only an inch away from yours as he hovers above you, his thumb sliding along your lower lip, stained with your lip balm. He closes his eyes, the tip of his nose now grazing against yours, and soon his lips will—

Donghyuck sighs. I can’t do this. It’s not right. Not when you’re like this. “Wake up so I can kiss you properly, dumb face.” He presses his lips to your forehead instead, a timid smile brushing against your skin. “Good morning, Sweetheart.”

***

“Before the trip, you mentioned that you found a way to cut off our bond,” you say as you take a bite of your French toast, sitting at his opposite side on the dining table. “Isn’t it about time you let me know?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer right away, idly playing with the raspberry covered with honey on his plate. “You didn’t hear any word I said last night, did you?”

“What? Oh, umm, no.” You blush knowing that he carried you to your bed last night. Physically exhausted, you were out cold until the sound of Donghyuck making breakfast downstairs woke you up. “Did you say something when I was asleep?”

“Wasn’t important.” The tone he’s using doesn’t sit well with you but you know you shouldn’t push him any further. 

Donghyuck glances at you as he hears your thoughts, the way you’re worried about him, whether you’ve hurt his feelings without realizing, whether he hates how insensitive you’re being and it makes his heart ache knowing how much you care about him. Yet, he’s selfish enough to keep the one thing you desperate to know a secret because he just doesn’t want to lose you.

Get a fucking grip, Lee Donghyuck. If it’s really meant to be, she’ll come back to you. With or without the bond, she’ll find her way back to you.

“Fuck it.” Donghyuck’s fork clatters against his plate when he finally confesses every bit of information he has squeezed out of Taeil, and you listen with eyes growing wide. “So, by the time you can lay your feelings out in the open without fear, and I can play music like the way I used to, the bond will break—supposedly.”

“But—” You’re still in awe. “W-will it work?”

“It does work,” Donghyuck claims. “I haven’t told you this, but your thoughts aren’t actually as loud as they used to in my head ever since you’ve become more open with people. When your feelings get intense, I can hear them clearly—or when you’re sitting next to me like this. But when we’re apart from each other, they’re so faint, almost like whispers in my head. I have to focus to hear them better.”

“Holy shit, why didn’t you tell me this?!” But there’s a way. There really is a way to stop this. He can stop hearing my thoughts. He doesn’t have to suffer because of me anymore.

“Stop it,” Donghyuck spits out, jaw clenching. “Stop thinking about me. Think about what you want, what you really feel.”

“I—” You straighten up in your seat, shocked. “I don’t know what—”

“Will you be happier without this? Without being connected to me?”

“I-isn’t that what we both want?” Your eyes are shaking. “I mean, you’ve gone through a hard time trying to fend off my thoughts—”

“I said, stop thinking about me!” The way he roars almost makes you take a step back. Luckily, you’re strapped to your chair. “I’m—” Donghyuck catches himself, rubbing his temple. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice. It’s just—I want to know if—” you ever feel like being attached to me is a burden “You know what, forget it.” The boy rashly gets up from his seat, carrying his plate to the sink even when his breakfast is only half-eaten.

You’re frozen on your seat, your thoughts jumbled from thinking so many things at the same time, and Donghyuck sighs, rubbing his temple from the headache that you caused him. As he walks past you, he lays a hand on your head, patting your hair gently. “I’m sorry, I’m cranky because I don’t get much sleep,” he says, bending down so you’re face-to-face. His smile is gentle but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re too kind for your own good, you know that? Don’t worry about what I said."

"Okay..."

He replies with a grin that seems more like him this time. "We still have a few hours before our flight. Do you think you can go somewhere with me?”

You lean away from his touch before your heart starts acting out again. “Where?”

“To meet an old friend.”

***

“Can you wait here? It won’t take long.” 

You nod your head, gloved hands gripping at the side of your coat as you see Donghyuck lays a bouquet of lilies on the snow-covered grass. In front of him, stands a tombstone with a familiar name written on it.

“Hey, Mark,” Donghyuck says, airy and light as if he’s exchanging daily greetings with his neighbor. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

You watch with your heart beating nervously inside your chest. Somehow, no matter how apathetic and strong he tries to be, Donghyuck still appears like a child facing his first fear, and you want to hold his hand to provide comfort but you know it’s an intimate moment where you shouldn’t involve yourself with.

“I’m sorry that I never visited you after your burial. I was…” His shoulders hunch forward, his eyes are fixated on his boots. “I was scared. You remind me of the guilt I’ve been trying to run away from. I was afraid to take the blame for your death, even when no one ever condemned me. I couldn’t face your parents, couldn’t pretend that I was fine whenever they tried to console me. They lost you—their only son—and yet, they still came to my aid.”

So that’s why he never wanted to go on a trip with his family, a thought runs through your head and Donghyuck smiles faintly at that. 

“I’m still afraid, Mark,” he continues, “But I’m working on it every day. I’m trying to accept the fact that you’re gone, and know that even if half of the reason why you’re not here anymore is because of me, you’ll forgive me for it.”

When Donghyuck suddenly looks to the side to send you a heartwarming smile, you almost take a step back in surprise. “So, I met this girl. Super annoying. Doesn’t know shit about Justin Bieber which, you and I both could agree that it’s outrageous. And, somehow, by an unknown force of the universe, she’s mentally connected to me which is really weird at first, but... I’m growing to like it. I feel like I'm not alone anymore.” You look away, suddenly feeling hot even when your teeth are almost chattering from the cold. “But I don’t want to bother her anymore so I have to get through this. I have to be better, Mark. And I’m bracing myself to take another step without you.” You witness the way Donghyuck’s fingers are curling into tiny balls of fists, nails sinking deep into his palm so his voice can sound as steady as he visions in his head. “I’ve decided to sing again, no matter how hard it will take. I’d sing for her sake, just like I once sang for yours. I hope—and I know this is a selfish request—but I hope you’ll forgive me and let me be happy.” When he adds the next words, it’s almost in a hushed murmur. “And I hope when you hear me sing again, you'll be proud of me.”

You delicately smile, unconsciously thinking, he will. Mark is going to be so proud of you.

Donghyuck chuckles a little. “The cute girl beside me just agreed to every word I said, just so you know.” He leans closer to the tombstone, cupping his mouth with one hand as if telling a secret to someone’s ear. “And here’s a little secret, just between us, okay, Mark?” He keeps his teasing eyes on yours the whole time he whispers the words to the cold stone but he never lets you know no matter how many times you beg him to tell.

“It’s a secret,” he says, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he drags you away from the cemetery ground. “Too bad you can’t hear my thoughts, huh?”

I’m so hopelessly, foolishly, in love with her and it’s weird that I do because she has this dumb look on her face when she’s sleeping, yet it only makes me love her even more.

***

“You really didn’t have to walk me home,” you say, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, feeling a bit jittery as you slide your card and unlock your front door. Donghyuck has half of his face buried behind his wooly scarf, hands tucked neatly inside his pockets to keep them warm. “Do you—do you want to come inside?”

“That’s what she said,” Donghyuck snickers, and just like that, the moment—if there was one anyway—is gone. At the sight of you glowering at him, Donghyuck faintly chuckles. “I mean, thanks, but maybe next time. I gotta go meet someone.”

“A girl?” Donghyuck looks surprised and you’re dying from shame. “I—I mean, it’s not my business so just ignore that—”

“Would it make you jealous if it was?” You expect him to hear a teasing tone but Donghyuck is asking that with all the seriousness his carefree self can gather.

Which leaves you gaping and speechless. “I—“

“Oh, you’re back.”

The world stops all at once when Jaehyun’s eyes meet yours as he is on his way out of his apartment. With a hand still lingering around his doorknob, Jaehyun’s eyes swiftly move to the boy who turns around to meet his with a startled look that turns almost instantly into a cold scowl. 

You’re holding your breath as they exchange stares as if a fight was about to break but Jaehyun notices the thick tension that surrounds you, and with a warm smile, he offers his hand. “Ah, you must be Lee Donghyuck. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. She has told me a lot about you.”

The way Donghyuck stiffly drags his eyes from Jaehyun’s face to his hand before taking it is rude enough to make someone feel offended, but your neighbor decides to be a bigger man. “Well, I haven’t heard anything about you,” Donghyuck says, smiling although his glare isn’t faltering away. “Not directly, anyway.”

“Well then, I should introduce myself. I’m Jung Jaehyun,” he warmly says, “I hope I’m not interrupting?”

Before Donghyuck can open his mouth to retort, you quickly shout, “No,” earning astonished looks from both men. You’re not sure why but watching them conversing with each other makes you feel like you’re about to jump out of your skin. Donghyuck notices the way you’re twitching restlessly, and with one last look, staring at you almost lifelessly, he focuses back to Jaehyun and says, “No. I was about to leave. You guys have fun.”

And there’s guilt crawling out from your chest as if you just hurt him that makes you call out his name but Donghyuck waves you off, throwing that particular smile that says it’s fine, I’m okay, I just don’t want to talk about this before he walks away.

We’ll talk later tonight, Hyuck, I promise.

You’re sure he hears your thought, but whether or not he wants to hear it is a different matter.

“I’m sorry,” Jaehyun’s deep, gentle voice forces you to gather your attention back to him. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, I was just on my way to get coffee downstairs.”

“It’s…” You’re finally able to breathe normally. “It’s fine.”

“Now that you're here, would you, uhh… join me?”

Though physically exhausted from the trip, you find yourself agreeing to him as a way to apologize. "Sure."

***

Your late-night talk with Jaehyun is nothing out of ordinary and it’s fascinating the way he talks about his favorite book but you have the hardest time concentrating when Donghyuck’s face—the way he coldly stared at you before he walked away—keeps showing up on your face. It gets so terrible that you can only keep up with the conversation by smiling and saying yes whenever he waits for a response.

By the time you’re pushing against the door to your apartment, Jaehyun stops you before you can bid him good night. “Have I done something wrong?” He asks, unsure and concerned. “I feel like you’ve been distancing yourself from me these days.”

“What—no, of course not.” Your head swirls. “A-are you talking about how I didn’t answer your call yesterday? I’m sorry, I was—”

“No, it’s not that.” Jaehyun takes a step closer, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek. You stand frozen on your feet, eyes unblinking. “Since when did you stop looking at me that way?”

You swallow hard. “W-what way?”

“Like the way you used to.” His hand is feverish, a stark contrast to your cheek that’s been kissed by the cold and you nearly flinch when he traces his thumb along your cheekbone. “Is it because of him?”

It only dawns on you that Jaehyun has detected your feelings for quite some time and it’s frightening to have to admit them under his overwhelming gaze but he has left you with no choice. “So you’ve noticed how I feel towards you.”

He pulls away, giving you the space you need. “Just a hunch.” His eyes are always warm when they observe you, but not tonight. Tonight he seems dismal, almost heartbroken even. “I didn’t want to act on it because I was worried that we’d ruin our friendship. But now that you’re more honest with your feelings, more open with your thoughts, I get to see the real you and you’re…” He sighs, somewhat out of breath from speaking too fast. “You’re captivating. I realized how often I thought about you whenever you’re not around and when I saw you just now—with him—” Jaehyun takes a step closer and you stumble back in reflex, spine pressing against the door. Knowing the effect he has on you, he stops, maintaining the distance. “It’s weird for me to get so riled up and jealous when I’m this old but I am. It’s hard seeing you with someone else. I only want you to have your eyes on me.” He rubs a hand over his face, slightly hiding behind his palm. “I’m such a terrible person, aren’t I?”

“N-no…” You’re about to faint from how much your heart is flailing inside your chest but your mind is blank. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for your entire life, to have him confess to you in such a passionate way and you’ve daydreamed about this more than you can count, and yet, when it happens, you’re as blank as a clean slate. You can only focus more on the way his eyes are intensely perceiving yours, repeating the words he said inside your head.

Even without the bond, Jaehyun can detect how appalled you are from his sudden confession so instead of forcing you to squeeze out an answer, he pats you gently on the head, and says, “I’m sorry for blurting out like this but I meant every word I said. Just take your time to think about it. I’ll be waiting when you’re ready.” He leans closer to whisper his goodbye, his breath is as hot as the kiss he lays on your cheek.

When he’s left, you close the door and slide down to the floor, your wobbly legs finally giving out under your weight. Your cheeks feel fiery, your heart pummeling thunderously until you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes.

Hyuck? Are you hearing this? I’m sorry, was I being loud?

But your phone stays silent. After waiting for a few minutes more, you conclude that he’s fallen asleep and you finally have privacy in your thoughts. So you throw yourself in the bed, sinking most of your face in the comfort of your pillow.

It’s weird that you’re conflicted. Isn’t Jaehyun the only man you love in your life? So why do you have this feeling like you have to make a choice? Isn’t it supposed to be clear?

“Stop looking at me like you have a crush on me.”

Your stomach flips when the memory of Donghyuck’s teasing grin resurfaces. You don’t want to admit but after spending so many days together, it’s ridiculous to not develop a certain feeling toward the boy who shines as brilliantly as the sun. Aside from his striking, affable personalities, it’s easy to fall in love with Donghyuck because he understands you more than anyone else—more than yourself, dare to say, since you could barely remember what you had for breakfast while he remembered that you needed to re-fill your shampoo bottle just because he understood a fleeting thought crossed your mind during your morning shower. And despite his constant whining and childish complaints, you can see him smiling whenever he reads your mind, enjoying your nonsense more than you do. 

But the more you wonder about it, the more you feel like something is holding you back. Just like the other side of a coin, Donghyuck represents everything you wish to be—confident, lovable, a charming extrovert—and it’s easy to be blinded by his light, but would you dare to take a step closer? What if you get burned instead? He’s so much better off without you.

And unlike Jaehyun who approaches you because of who you are, Donghyuck is only there in your life because of the bond. A guy like him—someone who easily gathers attention from anyone in the room, someone who can make girls blush and giggle over a small talk—he would never notice a bystander like you. Besides, you can’t help but think, he’s probably staying with me because he has no other choice—trapped in this ridiculous supernatural situation with no way out.

The second we manage to solve this, he’ll walk away from my life.

***

Donghyuck missed his sleep even when he was dead tired from his trip.

“That table isn’t going to clean itself, you know,” Jeno chimes in, forcing Donghyuck to blink himself out of his trance, a folded napkin rests idly underneath his palm when he’s supposed to sweep unwanted crumbs. He just can’t help rewinding the words you confessed in your mind last night. He tries to shake the thought away and proceed to focus back on his work, even when a storm is raging on his heart.

He’s still not sure whether he’s just driven by the concept of Soulmate or if it’s simply because he’s grown comfortable with your presence, closer than he has ever been with anyone, but he knows he’s falling for you. It’s ridiculous that he feels this way toward you. It’s even more ridiculous that he still falls for you, even when he knows you’ve decided to not give him the chance. Even when he knows that another man is tugging on your heartstrings like a master puppeteer while Donghyuck is just an audience, sitting at the edge of his seat, wishing for their roles to be reversed. 

During your first meeting with him, Donghyuck was both glad and indignant to meet the person who’d been yapping non-stop inside his head. He’d thought he was going insane at first, afraid that he might be diagnosed with schizophrenia or something. But he realized that he hadn’t been hearing voices, he was hearing a voice—a female voice, talking about things that wouldn’t have crossed his mind even if he tried. 

You tend to sleep late while he had to wake up early for work and whenever he tried to rest, you would be drowning in your thoughts, recharging your energy as you took solace in your mind. For him, it was torture. Blasting his favorite music through his earphones, he made a promise to himself that he would take his sweet revenge the second he met the person who owned these thoughts.

But when he met you—your hair disheveled, the color of your scarf didn’t match your coat, your lips parted in shock, your eyes shaking—you weren’t like how he had imagined you to be. It was endearing, the way you fumbled with your words and the way you got flustered rather easily. You were young and naive, and it turned out that you had been hearing him too. Donghyuck began to gradually change his perception, no longer seeing your mental bond as a curse, but some string of fate that connected you to him for some reason—something bigger than his poor little mind could imagine.

The second he went back to his flat after your first encounter with him, Donghyuck rapidly switched on his PC, didn’t even spend the time to take off his shoes properly. Heading straight to his browser, he started to look for clues. There were several articles he found, talking about people having mental bonds. One article, in particular, caught his attention. It was a story about a man, a decade older than him, dreaming about the same woman every night ever since his twentieth birthday. And it plucked on Donghyuck’s heartstrings because he had been hearing your voice in his head right after he turned twenty.

In the man’s dream, he saw her memories, each and every one of them and it didn’t feel like a dream because when he woke up, every memory was crystal clear, like a scene from a movie he had been watching over and over again. One day, as he traveled to the other side of the world, he met this woman who looked exactly like the one in his dream, even wearing the same necklace around her neck. And the first thing she said to him was, “I’ve been seeing you in my dreams.”

The article had the word Soulmate written on the title.

And Donghyuck would’ve snorted if it didn’t strike too close to home. Instead, he swallowed, his heart stuck in his throat. I’m her Soulmate?

As he took a seat at the edge of his bed, his heartbeat was resonating in his ears. Okay, calm down. Think this through.

But he couldn’t, not when your thoughts began to enter his mind, filling the spaces in his head. What was once a faceless figure morphed into your face and it made the heat in his chest rose to his cheeks when the first word he heard from your mind was his name.

Soon he decided to not only put his faith in the concept of Soulmate but be infatuated with it. Especially when he noticed how easy it was talking to you. No, not easy, natural. As if you had known him for years, as if you were two souls split into two bodies. 

Donghyuck told a lie. It wasn’t destructive, so he kept it going. When he mentioned that he’d stopped listening to music to give your mind a rest, he was actually doing it so he could focus on hearing your thoughts—which was ironic, after spending months trying to get your voice out of his head. And he did that so often, that he had to remind himself to think about a song in his head, to make it less obvious to you. 

It made him feel elated when your thoughts began to drift more towards him compared to anything else, but not today. 

The second we manage to solve this, he’ll walk away from my life.

“Is that how you think of me?” The words that tumble off his lips don’t surprise him as much as the agonizing tone in his voice. It hurts. Of course, it hurts. It feels like a rejection, even before he makes his confession.

So when he lays down on his bed, his jeans hanging low on his hips, his chest bare and his hair damp from the hot shower that nearly scalded his skin, Donghyuck plugs his earphones back to mute your thoughts. He would’ve laughed if he wasn’t too upset because, for the last few months, he has regarded your thoughts as his lullaby. But tonight, he wants his mind to himself, and he doesn’t care if the booming sound of his death metal tracks hammers your head.

Tomorrow, he will be fine. But tonight, he just wants to sleep with every part of you fading into a blur.

***

When you show up at the coffee shop the next morning, eyes bloody red from only having an hour of sleep, Donghyuck only spares you a glance and a half-hearted apology.

He expects you to snap at him, or at least throw ice daggers with your eyes, so it startles him when you take his wrist, gently squeezing him. “You kept your music on all night. Did I bother you too much with my thoughts?”

Donghyuck looks away, sliding the coffee you ordered to the table. “No, it’s just…” He sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sorry, that was inconsiderate of me. You couldn’t control your thoughts. I shouldn’t have tortured you like that.”

“No, it’s fine.” You shake your head, smiling tenderly. “I’m sorry too. I swear I tried to not think about him but Jaehyun asked me to go out with him this weekend. It’s not a date—of course, it’s not—“ You start to play with your hands, trying to keep yourself collected. “We’re just going to see a movie—”

“Yeah, I got that.”

The tone he uses is icy cold and you can practically feel it prickling against your skin. “Oh…” You unconsciously take a step back. “You’re right. You must have heard me. I’m—I’m sorry.”

You take the cup in your hands, shaky fingers tapping anxiously against its side. You don’t notice the way Donghyuck is gazing at you with pain fleeting in his eyes but you can somehow tell from his voice that he’s upset. Because of what, you’re not sure.

“He—J-Jaehyun also, umm…” You pick at the skin of your arm, letting out a breath to collect yourself. “He kinda confessed to me too, which still feels unreal to me.”

Donghyuck only hums, pouring more coffee beans into the grinder. His jaw clenches when he turns around and leans his back against the counter, facing away from you. 

“What… do you think I should do?”

The way he’s gripping the edge of his counter, hidden from your vision, is enough to break his nails. “Why are you asking me? It’s not my business.”

Your heart drops to your stomach. “Y-you’re right, I don’t know why I—” Your legs are begging for you to leave, to escape the whole situation, but a curious part in your mind wants you to stay, to see more of his reaction, to know if he feels something—

Donghyuck knows, of course, he does. He knows how your feelings for Jaehyun clash with what you feel for him and he knows that if he, at least, tries to convince you that he feels the same way, you’re probably going to lean more toward him.

But that line you said in your head. The second we manage to solve this, he’ll walk away from my life. Donghyuck doesn’t have the strength to just walk away, pretending like he didn’t hear the sound of his heart breaking to pieces. He hates you for it. He hates how you doubt him, and he loathes the fact that he’s doubting himself too.

There’s a difference between loving someone for who they are, and loving them because you’re driven by the word Soulmate. You just have to make sure that your feelings for her are real, coming from your heart, not from your mind.

“Look, I gotta go back to work,” he says and you have no choice but to nod, hoping to see him smile but he doesn’t. So when he walks away, you circle your fingers around his wrist. He throws you a bitter look over his shoulder. “What?”

“A…” You swallow your breath. “A penny for your thoughts? Please?”

His eyes soften at your plead, but the smile that paints his face is weak, growing fainter within seconds. “As I said, my thoughts are expensive. But I’ll let you guess for free.”

“Umm… You’re upset because my thoughts are too loud that you’ve been having a hard time concentrating on anything else?”

“Correct.” But the way his smile turns sinister lets you know that it’s the opposite.

***

It’s not a date, you convince yourself for the possibly seventieth time that day, it’s just two friends hanging out.

But whenever Jaehyun smiles with his dimples appearing on his cheeks, you feel like you’re lying to yourself. When he clasps his hand with yours as a romantic movie plays in front of your shaking eyes, you feel like you’re crossing the line. And whenever Donghyuck’s face appears out of nowhere when something reminds you of him—a cup of coffee, a kid playing an online game on his phone, the scent of bergamot—you know that things are not supposed to be like this.

You’re not supposed to feel like this.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Jaehyun says as he hands you a cup of hot latte before he takes a seat next to you on a bench. “I know strolling at a park after watching a movie is the most typical date you—”

You spit out your coffee. “I-I thought you said this wasn’t a date!”

“Just so you’d agree to it.” Jaehyun grins, catching you off guard. “Did you feel tricked?”

Looking away to cover your blush, you pout. “I hate you.”

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun’s chuckles rumble deep in his chest, a bright contrast to Donghyuck's airy laughter. “Can you look at me please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

Upset, you turn around. “Look, I don’t—” 

Jaehyun takes the rest of your sentence away with his lips, pressing against yours so softly, almost shyly, and yet it feels like the time suddenly stops. When he pulls away but only slightly, you’re as still as a statue. “I hope that’s okay?” he whispers before leaning in once more, causing you to panic.

Then suddenly, a song is blasting inside your mind. Your hands jump straight up to your head, pressing your palms against your ears in an attempt to mute the sound even when you know it won’t work. Somewhere out there, Donghyuck is listening to heavy metal, the sounds of beating drums and angry thrums of electric guitars stinging your ear.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jaehyun questions, urgently coming to your aid. Kneeling in front of you, he tries to lift your face, observing your expression. “What is it? Are you hurt somewhere?”

“N-no, just—” Grimacing from the pain, you try to shout in your head.

Hyuck! Stop it! You're splitting my head open—

And when you thought he couldn’t play the song heavier than that, it got louder.

HYUCK!

“I’m—I’m sorry, I gotta go. I have—” You gather your things in a hurry, desperately wanting to cover your ears again though you know it won’t do you any good. “I’ll see you back home, okay? Thanks for today.”

Not even looking back to Jaehyun who’s still calling your name, eyebrows adjoined in concern, you run as fast as you can. You’ve memorized the route to his apartment at this point and it doesn’t take long before you find yourself knocking frantically at his door, shouting his name. The music is still blasting in your ears, giving you as much pain as the one that you feel forming along your knuckles from knocking too hard.

Donghyuck opens the door with headphones strapped to his ears, flatly staring at you without taking them off. “What?”

“We need to talk," you mutter through gritted teeth. "Take those off.”

"I'm busy."

"Take. Those. Off."

Without dragging his eyes away from yours, he pulls out his iPod from the pocket of his jeans and raises the volume even more.

Your head is seconds away from exploding at this point. “Stop it!” Your eyes almost begin to water. Can’t handle the torture, you leap forward and yank the device out of his hand, unplugging the jack until the music comes to an abrupt stop in your head. “Jesus Christ,” you exhale in relief, forcing yourself to stand by placing a hand on the nearest wall. “Are you insane?! How the hell are you not deaf already?!”

“What do you want?” He stiffly asks instead, crossing his arms. “Hurry up. I’m busy.”

You scowl at his gesture. “You do realize I was talking to Jaehyun, right?”

“Talking?” He scoffs. “Is that what people call it these days? I’m more used with the term ‘sticking-my-tongue-far-down-my-boyfriend’s-throat’ but hey, whatever gets you to sleep at night, Sweetheart.”

You’re flustered but your anger is too intense to react to it. “It’s not your business—”

“Of course, darling, but with you screaming about how fucking soft his lips were over and over again in my head kinda makes it my business, just a little bit.”

He's most likely bluffing but it doesn't make you feel any less flushed. “How many times should I tell you?! I can’t control my thoughts!”

“Then don’t see him.”

You gape. “What?”

“Don’t see him,” he repeats casually as if he was asking for the simplest thing in life. “I can handle your thoughts but not when they’re about him.”

You clench your jaw. “Do you realize how fucking selfish you just sounded?”

“Do you realize how fucking selfish you are?”

You hold yourself back at that, biting your lip but Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, challenging you. “Go on," he snorts, "Say what’s on your mind. It’s not like I can hear you.”

“Sometimes I wish you never exist,” you say, your voice shaking but from anger or the pain your own words caused you, you’re not sure. “I didn’t ask for this. I never wanted to have this stupid connection with you.” You bring your head down when your vision starts to blur, emitting all energy you can have to contain your tears from shedding. “I hate it, I hate that you can hear my thoughts, I hate—”

I hate that you make me feel this way. I hate that every time I think about Jaehyun, your face shows up too. I hate that when he kissed me, I remembered the time when you almost did before you joked about it, not caring about how that made me feel. And I hate that I have these feelings for you when all you’ve been doing is just flirting to see my reactions—

You don’t notice the part where Donghyuck hastily walks to minimize the space between you so when he holds your face, lift it until his face is all you can see, he takes the breath away from your lungs. He’s so close, his forehead is touching yours and when he leans in closer, you keep your eyes tightly shut, trembling under his touch.

Donghyuck notices that you’re scared of him, scared of not knowing what he’s thinking or how he feels for you, and kissing you now might only add more doubts instead of confirmation. It’s hurting him to know that you feel the same way, but you’re hesitating in taking a further step because you question his feelings. And it’s frightening for Donghyuck because he’s been questioning the same thing: what if his feelings aren’t real? What if he’s just so used to thinking about you as his soulmate because of the bond? What will happen when the bond gets broken? Will his feelings change? Will yours?

There’s only one way to find out.

With a pang in his chest, Donghyuck leans in only to whisper, “I think you should leave,” to your ear and the words strike you harder than they should. He sneaks his hand down to fetch his iPod back from your grip, avoiding your gaze no matter how much you try to catch his. “Hyuck—”

“I’m trying to work something out,” he says, moving his headphones from dangling around his neck to cover his ears again, plugging the jack back into his iPod. “If it manages to go as planned, you won’t have to hear me in your head ever again.”

“Wait—Aren’t we—”

“You should work on your personality too. Be more honest. That’s the only way you can stop me from hearing your thoughts.” Donghyuck doesn’t wait until you leave on your accord. His fingers are already curling around his doorknob. “And until we can stop hearing each other in our head, I think it’s best if we don’t meet. I don’t think Jaehyun will like it if you keep hanging out with me anyway.”

“Hyuck—wait—”

The sound of his door being slammed shut isn’t nearly as loud as the music that burst into your ears, yet it hurts you just the same. A closed door can be opened, but you don’t know the way to break into a closed heart because that one last smile you saw on his face before he vanished entirely from your sight meant goodbye. An empty, painful, and forceful goodbye.

The music is the only one that stands vividly and this time you listen, as it’s the only thing that keeps you connected to him.

***

Donghyuck didn’t witness the kiss you shared with Jaehyun but he knew more than just seeing it with his own eyes. Your thoughts were resonating in his head, and even when he tried his best to stop them from coming, Donghyuck couldn’t help but know every bit of feeling you experienced during the kiss. He knew how you were so shocked, you could barely move your lips. He knew how terrified you were to have your first kiss in such a public place, even when no one was close enough to notice. He knew how happy you were to have your first kiss shared with your first love, and the thought was so sickening, he nearly punched the nearest wall with his fist.

But he stopped when he heard his name being called. Somewhere in the labyrinth of your mind, there was a part of you that shouted how the kiss, even though it was perfect, it didn’t feel right. As if it was simply a love scene in a middle of a movie, that’d stand pale in comparison to the final kiss they’d share at the ending. You’d thought about a pair of a puffy, cupid’s bow lips, replacing Jaehyun’s thin lips, for only a moment but enough for Donghyuck to hear.

So he still has hopes. He just has to convince you that what he’s been feeling for you is real. With or without a bond, soulmates or not, he loves you, and you love him. It’s as simple as that. Once the bond breaks apart, there will be no reason for you to doubt him. No reason for him to doubt himself.

I just have to get better.

But getting better isn’t as easy as showing up at work on time after you slept so late. Succeeding in saving up most of his salary in the last three months, he manages to get himself an electronic keyboard which he usually would hate after spending so much time on his upright piano, but beggars can’t be choosers. The instrument doesn’t matter. He just needs to keep his fingers steady on the keys.

But even only placing his fingertips on the keyboards already makes him feel nauseous. When his thumb presses the first note, he’s reminded of Mark and Mark no longer serves as a happy memory or his safe haven like the time when he had his first stage fright. Mark only reminds him of the sins he committed, of the hateful words he enunciated during their fight, and how the accident took his life and robbed a huge piece of Donghyuck’s soul at the same time.

“Just do it, you idiot,” Donghyuck hisses under his breath, shaky fingers tugging furiously at his locks. “Stop thinking about him, he’s no longer here.”

Because of me. He's dead because of me.

I killed him.

"Don't cry," he whispers to himself between choked sobs. "Don't cry." But no matter how much he chants the words like a prayer, the second he closes his eyes, tears slip down his cheeks.

Think about her.

Focus on her.

I have to get better for her.

It takes days for him to gather enough courage just to be able to sit back behind the keyboard. And it will probably take longer days, weeks, months for him to be able to play and sing like he used to but it doesn’t matter, as long as he tries. He doesn’t give up even when his memories are suffocating him. He doesn’t give up even when his nightmares continue when he’s awake. 

"I’ll wait for you, Lee Donghyuck, no matter how long it takes for you to be brave enough to hear your voice. I’ll be waiting to hear you sing."

Donghyuck takes a deep breath, his fingers are now steady on the keyboards.

I won’t give up.

***

You haven’t seen Donghyuck for a month. 

And it’s not simply because he’s been avoiding you. He’s decided to cut his ties and regardless of how hopelessly you try to knit them back, you can’t. He’s changed his phone number without warning, and no matter how many times you’ve knocked on his door, nobody came to answer. He even resigned from the coffee shop he’s been working for the last two years, without telling anyone why but from the way Jeno looked at you when you tried to gather some info, you’re sure it has something to do with you.

What feels dreadful to you is the fact that you don’t hear him much these days. Donghyuck can go on without listening to a single song for an entire week, and whenever he sings—that occurs only two or three times a day—it’s so faint that you can barely hear the lyrics.

Am I losing the bond? You often find yourself asking the question, but it only shocks you when the next thought that forms in your head is: How can I stop that from happening?

Maybe you’ve grown accustomed to having him sing random tunes in your head that you feel lost when he disappears. Or maybe you just miss him like a child missing her best friend over a school holiday. But that doesn’t explain the longing, the yearning you have for him. For his laugh, for his mischievous grin, for his stupid antics, for his snarky remarks—

For Donghyuck, entirely.

It doesn't explain why you feel so incomplete.

It’s only now that he’s apart, both body and mind, that you start to notice just how eerie silence can become. How it can consume all of your hopes like a black hole, leaving you empty and lost.

“Hey,” Jaehyun says, snapping you out of your reverie. Your dinner is long forgotten, your fork still dangling between your fingers. “Is it that boring talking about my childhood days?”

You blush, shaking your head. “I’m sorry. No, of course not. I love hearing you talk about your childhood. It’s nice to know more about you.”

“Yet you seem curious about something else.” Jaehyun slides his empty plate to the side, hand reaching out to hold yours as it lays still on the table. “I know you haven’t really said anything back after you heard my confession that night, and I won’t ask about it ‘cause I know how much it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

You fidget, holding your spoon a little tighter. You’re being unfair to him, you know that. But you honestly don’t know what to say, you don’t even understand your feelings yet. The best option would be with Jaehyun, there’s no doubt about it. He’s sweet and understanding, he’s smart, he even has a steady job that he loves, and the fact that he’s older than you gives you the chance to complain about your day and he will cradle you in his arms, soothingly patting your head until your anger seeps out of your skin.

“I feel like you’ve been distancing yourself from me ever since that kiss happened too.” Jaehyun’s thumb rubs soothingly along the back of your palm. “Is it hard being with me?”

It’s not hard, it’s just… It doesn’t feel right. “Of course not.” 

“Then why do I feel like we’re missing something?”

You bite your lip, wanting to say so much but don’t dare to do it. Because even when Donghyuck has disappeared from your life, you still can't stop thinking about him. Jaehyun is perfect but he’s not Donghyuck. He’s not mischievous like he is, he doesn’t know that you prefer more pepper than salt in your food, he doesn’t talk about World War II for fun. Jaehyun doesn’t have his blinding smile, doesn’t have his honeyed voice, doesn’t have everything that you want. And it won't be fair to accept Jaehyun's feelings when you're in love with someone else.

You blink, eyes widening.

In love...?

I'm in love with Hyuck?

“I’m more like a brotherly figure to you, aren’t I?” 

Jaehyun's voice leads you back to reality and when he smiles, you feel a part of your heart breaking just by witnessing it. Yet, you don’t deny. 

You nod your head. “I’m sorry…” It comes as a whisper, yet, you know it breaks him just as much.

"No, don't be." His smile acts as a smokescreen to hide the jab that strikes his chest, and when he retracts his hand, you know that it will be the last time he’ll ever touch you like that. “I'm the one who should be apologizing. I'm sorry, this must have been weird. I shouldn’t have kissed you—I don’t know what I was thinking—“

“No, it’s okay.” You ignore the heat that blossoms on your cheek. “I’m… I’m glad that my first kiss was with you. You were—” Say it. You owe him at least that much. “You were my first love.”

Jaehyun’s lips parted in surprise before they’re pressed into another smile, more genuinely this time. “Glad to know. I was tired of being hung-up this long.”

“I’m—I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m happy with it. At least I get a taste of what it’s like dating you.” He winks, completely catching you off guard.

“H-have you always been this playful before?”

“I have. You’re just too busy obsessing over Donghyuck to notice.” 

You gasp, ashamed. “I never—”

Jaehyun stands up from his seat, carrying his plate in one hand and ruffling your hair as he walks past you. “Donghyuck is a very lucky man. Tell him that I won’t spare his life if he ever breaks your heart. Got it?”

You weakly smile. 

It feels like he’s broken mine already.

***

It’s faint, your voice in his mind, just like how it has sounded in his head in the last five months since he last saw you, but he heard it. He can still hear you, somehow, when your feelings grow too intense, but only if he focuses his mind on it. And even then it’s not as clear as they used to be. He can tell that you’re aching to see him, just like how he feels towards you, if not more. But it won’t work until the bond is broken, and Donghyuck keeps convincing himself that every second, every minute, and every hour of his life. He should not—will not run to you until the bond is separated. 

But when he sees you waiting in front of his apartment’s door at one in the morning, cold and shivering as you hug your knees to your chest, face half-buried behind your knitted scarf, Donghyuck loses all resolution.

“What—” The boy nearly trips over his feet as he rushes to your spot, eyes wide, one hand gripping tightly along the sling of his bag. “Why—how—why are you here?!”

Half-asleep after waiting for what felt like years, you can barely distinguish between your dream and reality. But when he kneels in front of you, hands going straight to your cheeks to measure your body temperature, he knows that it’s him. It’s really him. After not seeing his face for nearly half a year, you should have forgotten the way he furrows his eyebrows, or the scent of bergamot perfume that lingers around his neck, or the shape of his lips…

“Jesus Christ, not my lips again.”

Or the way he complains about that. It’s really him. “Hyuck—”

“Let’s get you inside first,” he cuts you off, abruptly lift you on your feet that you struggle to maintain your balance, landing on his chest with a small huff. “God, you’re freezing.” It’s as if you haven’t been separated for even a day, the way he speaks, the way he holds you close with his hands rubbing up and down your arms to emit heat. “You’re such an idiot. Why are you here?”

You’ve had all planned out—the way you’d greet him, the things you wanted to say—yet when his warmth seeps into your clothes, you fall apart. Torrent of your tears are soaking through the formal attire he wears for his late-night shift, and your throat hurts, even when all you’re doing is silently screaming at his chest, fingers fisting the back of his shirt, desperate to keep him to stay.

Because these five months without him have been nothing but torture. You didn’t realize that having your mind to yourself would feel so lonely, so empty. Silence used to be your comfort, your solace, and now, it’s your enemy. Donghyuck has changed so many aspects of your life that you can barely live without him responding to your thoughts, no matter how ridiculous or unimportant they are. Every night you spent in the last five months, you’d been calling out to him, begging him to respond, to sing something in your head, to send a stupid text or two to spread a grin on your face. But when only silence answered, it was frightening.

So now, having him hold you like this, listening to your thoughts, it almost feels like your world is painted with a spectrum of colors once again.

Donghyuck doesn’t say a word, too busy drowning himself with the voices in his head as your thoughts begin to enter his mind like a stream of waterfall. After only being able to hear them as hushed whispers at the back of his mind, he’s overwhelmed by the intensity of the feelings you have for him. Astonished, he can only stay quiet, wanting to immerse himself further in your thoughts, to know you, to understand every bit of you, to savor every feeling you have for him.

Donghyuck is so still that you have to convince yourself once more that you’re not dreaming. But he never lets you go, suppressing every quiver from your body with his arms circled protectively around your waist and shoulder. And he waits until you’re no longer choked by your tears, his lips grazing against your hairline to calm you down.

It takes a few minutes until your fervent sobs vanish away, your body only shakes a little when you take a deep breath. Donghyuck cards his fingers through your hair, cradling your head with one arm until your lips are nearly grazing his collar bone and you embrace him tighter, and tighter until you squeeze out all the air in your lungs and even then, it’ll still feel like he's not close enough. “I won’t go anywhere,” Donghyuck says, chuckling softly beside your ear as he hears your frantic thoughts. “I promise you this time.”

“Your promise doesn’t mean shit, Lee Donghyuck,” you sniffle, weakly bumping your fist to his chest. “Aren’t we supposed to work this out together? Isn’t that the sole purpose of our stupid mental bond?”

Donghyuck sighs, still worried more about how your teeth are chattering behind your lips over anything. “You're freezing. We should get inside first—”

“Why have you been avoiding me?”

“It’s cold out here—”

“I have been looking for you everywhere. Do you know how often I visited your place in the last month only to find that you weren’t here?!”

“Actually, I was home, but I pretend—“

“You—WHAT?!” Gasping loudly, you shriek, not caring that it’s one in the morning and he has neighbors who are definitely going to complain tomorrow. Panicking, Donghyuck hauls you up by the waist so he can drag you into his apartment but when you struggle, arms and legs flailing all over the place, he lifts you off your feet and carries you in his arms. Flushed, you nearly punch him on his jaw but Donghyuck manages to shut his front door with a kick and carry you deep inside his apartment.

He finally lets you go when he reaches the couch, settling both of your bodies down with a groan, frantically trying to catch his breath. Hurt from being abandoned and thrown in the dark with no proper explanations, you throw a cushion to his face before he can form a word, earning a loud whine from the man. “Talk to me! You keep telling me to be honest with myself, to be more open with my thoughts, yet you keep yours a secret—how do you think that makes me feel?!”

It takes every amount of strength in his heart for him not to embrace you and recite every loving word he has associated with your name. He has missed you, missed you so much that it physically hurt him. He’s missed your kindness, missed your laugh, the way you twitched and rambled when your anxiety became too much to bear; missed your banter and how you’d grin when managed to win an argument, missed your pout when you didn’t, missed hearing you think about him even when you were supposed to be in love with someone else. 

So when he speaks again, his voice is the softest you’ve ever heard from him. “Do you still hear me in your head?”

You bite your lower lip, tears welling in your eyes once more. “No,” you whimper. “That’s the problem. I can’t hear you… I haven’t been able to hear you for months, Hyuck, and I hate it. I hate having my mind to myself. I hate how lonely it feels.” 

Donghyuck looks like he’s both smiling in relief and getting his heart broken at the same time. “Then it works,” he says. “It still feels surreal to me but it really works.”

“W-what is?” You ask, chest heavy with dread but before you can say anything, Donghyuck gently pats your head and whispers, “Wait here and listen.”

He walks to the keyboard that you haven’t even noticed until now, as you’re too distracted with your emotions to focus on your surrounding. As he takes a seat, you see him gulping hard but his nervousness doesn’t stay on for long. Taking a deep breath, he places his fingers on the keyboards, and he begins to play.

It’s the song that he used to sing thousands of times in your head—the one that he wrote together with Mark, only slower, softer, almost like one of those ballads that your parents used to slow dance to. Your hands lay rigid on your lap, nervous because you know how much that song broke him apart the first time you sang it to him. But today, Donghyuck wears a new persona. He’s stronger than he’s ever been and there is only a slight quiver running on his fingertips.

Even by hearing the first few notes, it immediately sinks on you why Mark once told him he was born as a performer. He plays perfectly, coaxing impossibly soothing and amazing melodies from it. But it’s more about his presence that makes the performance worth the wait, the way he seems lost as his fingers flew over the keys like a puppeteer tugging on the strings. It’s like everything fades into a blur where it’s just him, pouring his heart out into a song and nothing else matters.

And then he starts to sing.

You’ve heard him sing once, but it doesn’t even serve as a snippet to what he sounds like when he gives his entire mind into it. It reminds you of the trickle of raindrops on your window after a long day of being surrounded by boisterous conversations, or the small waves hitting your feet as you bask in the glow of the sunset. When he sings, it creates a memory and reminding you of one at the same time—a memory that is so sweet, so soothing, one that you will replay over and over again behind closed eyelids before your exhaustion takes you away to another state.

And it’s endearing the way his voice shakes a little when he starts the song, embarrassed of performing in front of an audience instead of the silence of his room. You love the way he sneaks a glance at you to see your reaction, and when he looks up and smiles, your heart nearly leaps out of your chest. Not wanting any distraction, you close your eyes.

It keeps ringing in my heart

The sound echoed towards you

I want to hold you in my arms

My deep sigh is slowly becoming a ringing towards you

I want you to love me now

I hope someday my heart reaches you so you can hear it.

The song ends faster than how you would’ve liked but before you can utter a word, Donghyuck turns around on his seat to face you with scarlet cheeks, letting out a shaky breath. “It’s—I’ve only managed to practice this far,” he says, rubbing his nape awkwardly. “This is the reason why I’ve been keeping my distance from you. I wanted to focus—to heal myself first. I was going to make a surprise for you on your birthday, like performing in public and everything. There’s this piano in the restaurant I’m working at that our pianist uses to perform every Friday night, and it sounds so beautiful. I wanted to use it to perform publicly, f-for you.” He suddenly buries his face in his hands. “Fuck, it’s embarrassing when I say it out loud, but anyway—” You haven’t even said anything and he’s already panicking. “That was the whole plan.”

You can’t find the strength to argue even when you have several points to make, not when his lyrics are still buzzing in your ear. “Did you mean them?”

“Mean what?”

“The words you sang to me earlier.”

Donghyuck stiffens. Looking away and hiding half of his face behind his hand, he says, “Yes.”

And you’re not sure what he sees in your eyes, what kind of expression you make but Donghyuck turns pensive. He closes the space between you until he stands on his knees, his hand taking one of yours, fingers curling naturally around your softer ones, and presses his temple against yours.

“You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting to see you,” he sighs, “To have you close to me like this.” He plants a delicate kiss on your closed eyelid, rubbing the rest of your tears away with his thumb. “Why are you still crying?”

“It's just—” Your breathing is as shaky as your voice. “I wanted to be there for you, to help you overcome your fear but you’re doing this alone and I—” The more you try to suppress your tears, the more they break harder and you’re silently screaming into your palms, gasping for air. “I can’t help but imagine how hard it was for you to go through all this alone. I wish I could become your strength—”

“But you are,” he quickly says, cupping both of your cheeks so you can no longer avert your gaze from his. “You’ve always been. You’re the reason why I’m able to sing again. There were so many times that I wanted to give up because I kept seeing Mark’s face in my head but you kept me going. I just had to remember you, remember the words you said to me—about how you’d wait for me, no matter how long it’d take for me to find my voice again. You gave me purpose. I wouldn’t have the power to face my fear if it wasn’t for you.” 

There are so many things you want to say to him, yet there you are, squeezing your eyes shut just so you wouldn’t break apart again. 

Am I even allowed to be this happy?

Donghyuck smiles but you feel it on your skin instead of seeing it with your eyes. “Idiot,” he mumbles out. “Of course, you can. You deserve only happiness.” There’s a pause where you can only hear your muffled sobs, before he adds, “And I wish, this time, I could become that for you.”

You blink. “Huh?”

Donghyuck frames your face with one hand, his thumb drawing comforting circles along your cheekbone. “Our bond is broken. I’m no longer connected to you the way I used to but I’m still here and I’ll stay here, as long as you’d let me.” His smile is beautiful, angelic as always, but his eyes are desperate for confirmation. “Do you… still doubt my feelings?”

"Back then..." A choked sob escapes your lips. “Y-you heard my thoughts?”

“Yes, but I don’t blame you. It’s natural for you to think that way since it was something that brought us—and forced us—to be together. To be honest, I was doubting my feelings too.” When you look up to meet his gaze, it’s so easy for him to be lost in your eyes. “But now it’s clear for me—it’s always been that way. What I feel for you is real. With or without the bond, I want to be with you. No doubts,” he leans closer, “No second thoughts, no lies.”

With another embrace, you let yourself be indulged with joy because Donghyuck is here and he’s perfect. He’s perfect in your arms, he sounds perfect in your ears, he knows you perfectly even at the parts where you’re not sure about yourself. And it’s perfect when he asks, “Can I kiss you?” softly, in a whisper as if he wasn’t sure you wanted it even when he’s most likely read the wish you’ve been repeating in your heart. 

And it feels perfect when Donghyuck leans in to consume the last few inches of air between your lips and his.

It seems more like a first kiss when it’s your second one and it’s probably because this time, it’s real. You’re conscious of it, you’re wishing for it, you’re drowning in it, and only now that you understand why your favorite poet could write a whole page of poem trying to describe the beauty of a first kiss. Now that you’re relishing the taste of his lips on yours, a page isn’t nearly enough. You could write millions of words to describe how surprisingly smooth his lips are, how they feel feverish as they mesh with your chapped ones, how every movement that he makes feels both new and familiar, exciting and shy.

When he breaks apart, he’s regretting that decision as much as you are so it doesn’t take another second for him to ask again. “Can I do it again? Longer this time.”

Your eyes are locked on his mouth but focuses more on the way his lips move not on his words. Desperate, you breathe out, “Please stop asking—” But Donghyuck’s impatience matches yours and he kisses you with all the feelings he has bottled up ever since he laid his eyes on you. 

He tells you with his hand framing your face, fingers slipping between your strands, and another one encircling your waist. He tugs you closer to his chest until you lose your balance, tumbling down from the couch right to his lap.

He tells you with his tongue but not by forming loving words, but by savoring every taste of your mouth and whimpering when you feel better—much, much better than everything he’s ever dreamed of.

He tells you with his teeth, nibbling at the supple skin, letting you know just how much he’s been wanting to make you his and his only. He wants to erase every touch that Jaehyun painted on your skin, and redraw everything with his colors—red that will turn purplish by the morning.

And he tells you with his silvery voice, as he chants your name over and over again until it sounds like your name is invented for the sole purpose of being called by him. Until your name turns into another form that describes the way he loves you, the way he yearns for you—your soul, your heart, your mind, and now, your body.

“Tell me if you want to stop,” Donghyuck says as he maps his way down to the delicate skin that lays below the silver pendant of your necklace. Your coat has long been abandoned, your blouse is slipping off your shoulders, exposing sensitive skin that no one has ever had the pleasure to rake their eyes on. 

You’re feeling so many things but they’re all jumbled as one that you can’t even think properly. All you know is that it feels good—no, it feels amazing to have him touch you like this. It’s like riding a roller coaster, the kind that makes you feel exhilarated, excited, and frightened at the same time.

“I—” You flinch, hands gripping his shoulders tightly when he sucks on the skin below your ear. Oh, God...

Donghyuck chuckles, amazed by the train of thought that runs in your head. “Can I take it as a good sign?”

“Please be cheeky another day,” you mutter between short gasps. The way his wet tongue is pressed against the column of your throat sends blood pumping faster through your veins. “I’m both embarrassed and—”

“Turned-on?” Donghyuck suggests but he catches your hand when you try to shove him away by the chest and lets his lips graze against your palm as he grins that stupid grin of his you always love. “I’m sorry, that was inappropriate. I can’t help it. You’re praising me so much in your head, do you know that?”

At this point, is there really a point trying to tell him to stop reading your mind?

“I guess not,” he answers for you. “But if you allow me, I promise to listen and do everything you want. I’m yours for the night.”

You nearly faint. “H-how can you say it so shamelessly like that?”

“Huh?” Donghyuck blinks until his last words find their way back into his mind. Then, he blushes. “I-I mean, not sexually—I—” Losing his mind, he groans and hastily picks you up in his arms, lifting your entire weight off the floor before he carries you to the bed.

When you’re half-sinking into his pillow, he hovers above you, arms on each side of your head, trapping you with no escape. “But since you thought about it that way,” he says, face still aflame but deadly serious, “I guess we could do that too.”

Ah, he’s beautiful, you sigh in your head, he’s beautiful like this. He’s beautiful with his eyes going half-lidded. He’s beautiful with his bangs falling over them. He’s beautiful with his skin slightly glistening with sweat.

“No, don’t—” He cowers, hiding his face on the dip of your neck. His blush blooms from his cheeks down to his throat, ears sizzling hot from hearing your thoughts. “Stop thinking about me like that. I’m not a girl. I’m not beautiful.”

But you are. You’re the most beautiful boy I’ve ever met. Beautiful smile, beautiful voice, beautiful soul—

“You did not just say that.” The adorable, bashful expression he displays on his face when he finally gains the bravery to peer into your eyes is something you will carve forever in your mind.

“I didn’t say anything,” you mumble out, reaching out to touch his cheek and swallow hard when he leans into your touch like how a kitten would.

“Your thoughts are embarrassing,” he murmurs, playfully biting your index finger. “You know that I’m nothing compared to you, right? No, I’m nothing without you.”

“I’m…” Your breathing rags a little. I’m nothing without you too.

“Good,” he chuckles, slowly trailing his fingers from the column of your neck to the spot between your collarbones. You suck in a sharp intake of breath, knowing how dangerously low his fingers are. “Can I… touch you?” He asks, noticing how jittery you are, not just from your thoughts but your body language. “It’s okay if you want to stop.”

I don’t. I don’t ever want you to stop.

“But isn’t this your first time?” He’s trapped between wanting to make this as memorable for you as possible and wanting to lose control, signing every inch of your skin with his lips. “Wouldn’t you want this to be special?”

And you frown because isn’t this already as special as it can be? Him winning the battle against his own demons for your sake, him devoting himself entirely to you, him looking this ethereal with his lips bruised by your own?

He smiles so tenderly, it surprises you. “Then… I’ll take this off first.” He takes his time toying with the buttons of your dress, popping them open one by one until you’re left in your lingerie and black stockings. When his fingers start to trace the seam of your bra, your hands stop him by reflex.

“I, umm—” You can’t meet his eyes. “I’m—”

What if he doesn’t like what he sees? What if I’m too small? What if I look weird?

“What are you talking about?” He airily laughs. “You’re perfect.”

The way he’s so casual about it, not even sounding like he’s praising you to get what he wants—just simply stating out the obvious, calms your heart a little bit. He’s not making a big deal out of this, so why should you?

“No, don’t get me wrong,” he corrects you, leaning back to sit on his heels. His fingers reaching to the top buttons of his shirt. “It is a big deal for me. You don’t know how much I’ve been wanting to have you here in my bed, looking like this.” His voice sounds muffled to your ear as you’re too distracted by seeing him undress, his fingers moving until every button is unknotted and he slides the fabric off his shoulders.

You’ve never seen a man stripping out of his clothes in real life, so the sight of his thin muscles contracting in his lean stomach, the way his jeans are hanging low on his hips, the happy trail that disappears behind—

“Whoa, whoa, stop!” Donghyuck hastily slams a hand over your eyes, leaving you blind from your surrounding, and you whine because that was quite a view. “Okay, now I know how you feel. Please shut up before I die from shame.” 

It’s your turn to laugh this time. “Again, I’m not saying anything.”

“Ugh, you’re so—” With his fingers still covering your eyes, Donghyuck kisses you on the mouth and this time it’s more teeth than anything else. His fingers are slipping through your strands, taking a handful of your hair, and guides you toward him. His teeth are grinding against your lower lip, and once you mewl at the sensation, parting your lips wider in response, he sneaks his tongue inside, gliding it against yours.

When he takes his hand away, it moves straight to your spine, unfastening your bra with no hassle and you whimper against his mouth when the cold air hits your bare chest. “You’re perfect,” he moans when his palm finds its way to your breast, cupping it entirely, “You fit right in my hand,” and you feel every syllable directly on your tongue. You’re lightheaded from all the blood that rushes to your face but his kisses are more than enough to serve as a distraction. “How the fuck do boobs feel this amazing when they’re just two lumps of fat?”

The commentary is so Donghyuck that you accidentally bite his lip from laughing at his words. Donghyuck joins in, the chuckles he makes reverberates straight from his chest to yours. It’s funny how it’s your first time doing this yet you don’t feel any fear, not even the slightest. It’s just so easy being with him, so natural, so fun. Passionate kisses turn into playful bites on the skin but they don’t stay innocent for long. Once his thumb rubs over your nipple and his hips pressing down on yours, you notice that things are getting serious.

“It is serious,” he agrees, slightly smirking after he runs his tongue over his bottom lip, eyes never leaving yours. “I’ve never been more serious about anything more in my entire life.” But when you gulp nervously, his seductive smirk turns friendly once again. “I’m just kidding, Sweetheart. Well, not really, no—but—” he quickly adds to avoid you glaring at him to death. “I’ll stop anytime you want. You know that, right? If you feel like it’s too much, just give me a sign and I’ll stop right away.” Then he recalculates about it a little. “Well, maybe not right away when I’m inside but you can just slap me on the head or something. I won’t get mad, I promise.”

You flatly stare back at him, though your heart still palpitates painfully. “Is sex supposed to be like this?”

“Consensual sex is supposed to be like this. I just love you too much to hurt you.”

And then you both stop talking, blinking, breathing, everything.

“What?” You ask, eyes widening.

“What?” Donghyuck panics, looking away. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You love me?”

“I—”

“You just said you loved me.” I know he said he liked me, but… he loves me?

“Well, I—” There’s no escape, he knows it, so with steams practically coming out of his ears, he admits, “Yes! Yes, I love you, you idiot! Do you think I spent months facing my trauma on my own just to sleep with you?”

“But… Isn’t that what we’re going to do?”

“GAH!” He screams into his hands. “You haven’t really said anything with your mouth since we started but once you do, you’re being a smartass. Yes, hopefully, we are going to sleep together. But the main reason I did all of this is because I love you! You’re seriously going to force me to spit my feelings out like this? With your boobs distracting me?”

You’ve never laughed so hard in your life. “I’m sorry, come here.” 

Donghyuck’s pouts don’t instantly falter away when you pepper soft kisses on his face but he eventually gives in when open-mouthed kisses are shared with tongues tasting each other’s breath. And after that, words are no longer needed. Your mind is clouded entirely with him, as he's with you. And only short gasps and softs moans resonate in the air when Donghyuck lets his mouth lingers at your navel, fingers hooking at the edge of your lingerie. He glances at you from behind his fringe, his eyes are hooded and desirous.

“Umm, you—you can—” Your tongue lays heavy on your mouth, your thoughts swirling without control. What do I do? Is he going to be disgusted with how I look? Do I look better—worse than the other girls he’s been with? How do I smell like? Oh, God, I can’t relax—the more I think about the girls he’s been with, the more agitated I am too—

Donghyuck kisses your knuckles, one by one, momentarily stopping your train of thoughts. “There’s only you now,” he whispers, eyes deeper than the sea, “Don’t compare yourself to them, because I certainly won’t. They don’t matter anymore. I only see you now.”

Releasing a heavy breath, you shakily nod. “Okay…”

“Good.” His lips curve upwards, showcasing his teeth in a playful grin. “And as long as you don’t have a dick hanging between your legs, you’re perfect for me. So, may I?”

You're not laughing at his joke but it does make you feel less tense. After seeing your confirmation, Donghyuck doesn’t waste a second. It almost drives you insane to lay still on the bed when he settles himself between your legs, parting your thighs as wide as you’ll allow him to by planting his lips on the inner parts, licking all his way up until he’s pressing against your core.

“As I thought,” he says, tongue darting out sinfully, “You’re perfect.”

Your hand immediately jolt up to cover your mouth, eyes shutting as you thrash against his pillow.

Donghyuck sneaks a glance every once in a while, focusing on both pleasuring you and listening to your thoughts, but when you can barely think of anything but his tongue inside your heat, he relies on deciphering the way your body moves.

It’s not his first time, but it is his first time with you and Donghyuck is more than eager to learn what satisfies you the most. He changes from soft kisses to obscene licks but what makes you tremble to your toes is when he sucks on a particular spot.

W-what was that? That felt so good.

Donghyuck raises an eyebrow, both curious and teasing. “Here?” He teases, kissing your clit to make you shiver but you mewl because that wasn’t how he did it before. “Okay, okay,” he chuckles, “Like this?” This time, he does it exactly like before, gently sucking at the sensitive bud. The sheets are all crumpled from how desperate you latch your fingers onto them. 

Oh my God, that feels insane.

Loving your reaction, Donghyuck sucks harder. You’re biting hard on your knuckles until he stops his ministrations, just to pry your hand away. “It’s such a waste,” he says, every mischievous look he usually displays has disappeared without a trace. “I want to hear your voice.”

It’s cruel, he’s so cruel like this but he drags your hand to his hair and moans when you tug at his roots a little harder than you're supposed to. Just for once, you don’t care if you’re being loud. You don’t care if you’re being embarrassing. You just want to focus on him, to feel him, to—

“Come, Sweetheart.”

It’s such an unfamiliar sensation and it scares you how intense it feels. It hits you like a powerful rush that slowly subsides in seconds but you’re left dazed and hazy way longer. Donghyuck kneels on the bed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes clouded with lust. 

“Hyuck…”

“I’m sorry,” he says, hovering above you once more, one hand going to his jeans to let himself out of his confinement. “I want to give you some time to relax after that, but I’m—” He hisses when he curls his fingers around himself. “I’m at my limit.”

You shakily nod, cowering a little under his hungry gaze. “O-okay…”

“Thanks,” he exhales in relief, reaching out to the drawer on his nightstand to grab a packet of a condom before he tears it open shortly with his teeth.

Why does he have it? Does he do this a lot? How often does he bring girls to his bed?

“No," he says, and if he wasn't too distracted with how hard he was, he would’ve probably rolled his eyes. “Jeno gave me this as a birthday gift, saying that men should always be prepared. I kept this because it’s stupid and I'm gonna give it back for his birthday gift.” But when he rolls the rubber down his length, he adds, "Thank God he gave me this though. Running down to the store downstairs just to get a condom at times like this would just kill me.”

You frown. But isn’t it possible for couples to have sex without condoms? Like, can’t he just come on my stomach or something?

“Jesus Fucking Christ,” Donghyuck swears, gradually losing his sanity. “Yes. Yes, we can do that. I’d love to come on your face—stomach, but let’s just take one step at a time, okay, Sweetheart?”

You squint your eyes. “Did you just say ‘face’?”

“I—” He sighs, resting his weight on his elbows that are placed on the sides of your head. “Can I be inside you now? Please?”

It’s stupid that he’s using his puppy eyes at a lewd situation like this and it’s stupider that you fall for them. “Yes.”

You expect his kisses to be consuming, forceful enough to rob your entire breath from your lungs but he’s unusually gentle—gentler than even the first kiss you shared with him. His touch is paper-thin, making every kiss feels sacred like the one that’s pure enough to be shared on your wedding day. You begin to relax, exhaling softly into his mouth.

Donghyuck slides in slowly—so agonizingly so for him—yet for you, the world still spins too fast. Your breath hitched up in your throat, nails sinking into his bare shoulders. “Wait—Hyuck—It hurts! It hurts, so— ”

“I know—” His eyebrows are furrowed, slightly gritting his teeth as he pushes again. “I know it hurts, but—”

You’re clutching onto his neck as if you’re holding on for dear life. He’s tearing you apart inch-by-inch and it’s so painful, tears start to well in your eyes. Noticing that, Donghyuck stops, checking your profile. “Shit, you’re crying—” He panics, wiping the tear away before it slides down your cheek. “Are you okay?”

You let him kiss your lips before you reply, “Is it—are you—” You’re lost for words but thankfully Donghyuck is not.

“I’m not even halfway in, honestly.” He grins but it looks more like a wince. “Think you can handle a bit more?”

“Jesus Christ, how big are you?”

“A normal size, Sweetheart, but I’m glad you’re thinking that way.” The wink is unnecessary but it still brings a smile to your face. After a few more seconds of waiting for you to catch your breath, he tries again. This time, you’re more prepared for the pain so when he finally lets out a drawn-out moan, his temple lying still on your chest, saying, “Okay, that’s all of me now,” you can help but to think wait, that’s it?

“Yah!” He pinches your cheek, pouting. “What’s with that tone?”

You grin in return. “Maybe you’re not as big as I thought.”

“You little—” But when your hips move to dodge his attempt at pinching your cheek, Donghyuck flinches, and you can feel him twitching inside you. “Fuck, okay,” he hisses impatiently, “There’s no time for this. I’m so turned on, it’s physically painful.”

You caress his cheek, beaming at him with adoration in your eyes because that’s the only way he should be perceived. “Then make me yours.”

“Fucking hell.” Donghyuck kisses you with the desperation of a drowning man searching for air, and when his hips move, it still hurts but the pain gradually lessens when he adds pleasure to other parts of your body using his hands and lips. You close your eyes, noticing how he quickly picks up the pace, his thrusts going out of rhythm as his nails sink into the skin of your hips. But when you’re about to let yourself drown in the passion of it all, the words “I love you” escape your lips, and Donghyuck moans loud and long against your ear at the sound.

Then he stops.

He’s hiding his face in the crook of your neck, breathing hard so you can’t tell his expression. “Are you…” You wet your lip. “Are you done?”

It takes a few seconds before he stutters out, “Y-yes.”

“Is it… usually this fast?”

“No!” He wheezes, pulling away with his face practically catching on fire. “I swear I usually don’t come this fast—you’re just—ugh—” He gnaws at the skin of your neck, too embarrassed to meet your eyes. “You’re just so warm and tight inside, it’s too much. It felt too good for me.” He’s almost inaudible when he confesses, “And when you said you loved me, I just… I couldn’t handle it.”

Ashamed by his words but feel loved, you cradle his head with your arms. “God, I’m so in love with you, it’s insane.” You don’t know what’s gotten into you. Maybe you’re being carried away by the moment, maybe you’re still basking in the afterglow, but you can no longer suppress your thoughts. “I’ve never felt like this, didn’t even know I could feel something so intensely like this for someone. And it scares me. It scares me that I’m so attached to you. You don’t know how much it tore me apart when I stopped hearing your voice completely in my head. It was the only thing that kept you connected to me and now that I lost it, I was so afraid that you’d disappear from my life entirely.”

I don’t want us to lose our bond. If that’s what keeps you connected to me, I don’t ever want to lose it.

Those were the feelings he’d confessed, and now you’re saying them back to him even when those words never reached your ears. Donghyuck’s entire world stops revolving. 

Your words flow down without filter, letting him know every bit of him that you love, every single feeling he’s made you felt from the second you met him, and Donghyuck responded to each loving word with a smile, or a shy giggle or a kiss when he can’t hold it back any longer. 

“And I hate that I can’t even listen to the songs I used to love.” You can hear your voice breaking again and you’ll probably cry if you keep pouring your heart out, but you can’t stop. “Those songs—they don’t have your voice. I’m so used to have you singing in my head that I couldn’t stay calm when I couldn’t hear it.”

“Then I’ll sing for you,” he says, between soft chuckles and softer kisses. “As much as you want, until—”

You circle your arms around his neck, bringing him down to consume his lips with enough passion to last for a lifetime. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Lee Donghyuck,” you breathe out, caressing his cheek when he’s dazed with no ability to find the words. “I just wish the sex was longer.”

“Aaaand it’s over,” he sighs, glaring at the ceiling. “The magic is gone. You just had to ruin it, didn’t you?”

You giggle. “You would’ve known from hearing my thoughts anyway.”

“I—” Then he blinks, eyes growing wide, his hand going to his head. “Wait.” He knits his eyebrows together as he focuses every thought on you, trying to read you but nothing can be heard. His hands begin to move frantically. “Think about something—think about me, quick!”

“But I have been—” You lean up on your elbows. “Is it broken? Our connection?”

“I don’t know.” Donghyuck’s shoulders sag in dismay. “But I can no longer hear you.” 

You try to say something in your mind but Donghyuck doesn’t pick up the trace. It’s gone. It’s really over. It’s funny that it was something you both dreaded at first, something that you have tried your best trying to put an end to it, and the second it’s over, it feels like a part of you is missing. As if you’re torn apart, with nothing but memories of it to hold.

You both exchange stares in silence, unsure of what to say. Donghyuck is the first one to break the ice, lacing his fingers with yours as he carries you to his lap, face facing each other.

“Are you okay?” He asks, swatting the bangs out of your eyes. “Do you feel any pain?”

You shake your head. “I didn’t even realize it was gone.”

“Why do you look so sad?” He chuckles, even when he’s heartbroken just as much as you, if not more. “Aren’t you glad that you finally have some privacy for yourself?”

At the sight of your eyes drooping in sadness, Donghyuck leans in to land a kiss between your eyebrows. "Hey," he says, "We don’t have to have that bond to be connected. I’m already yours."

You smile a little at his words. “It’s just…” You embrace him, and he settles his chin on top of your head. “That was, like… our thing.” 

He titters. "Then let’s just make another one. How about…” He pushes you back to the bed, lying on your side but keep your fingers intertwined with his. The way he’s beaming at you reminds you of a child. “A penny for your thoughts?”

It’s the sweetest sound, the way your small laughter is mixed with his. Leaning in to whisper in his ear, you say, “I hate that idiom.”

***

A/N: 

Thank you for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed this story. I’m sorry that it’s 36k, I hope you didn’t get bored. Special thanks to @flopim @alexwhatiam​ and @rosiewool for being my first readers and giving me such kind reviews. I wouldn’t have found the bravery to post this if it wasn’t for you guys. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️

[mashep23]

Traffic Jam Session

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader

Word Count: +1.5K

Warnings: Nat being ridiculously confident and flirtatious? I think that deserves a warning. This is just pure self-indulgent fluff.

Summary: Stuck in a traffic jam, another commuter requests that you turn your music up

Inspired by this meet-cute prompt:

We are caught in an extreme traffic jam and have been sitting next to each other, parked, for the last five minutes. Your radio is playing my absolute favorite song so I ask you to turn it up. We spend the rest of the slow traffic aggressively singing along to the music at each other.

Prompt list found here

A/N: I tweaked the prompt just a little, hope it's still enjoyable. This was so much fun to write!

Thank you to @river-soul for her incredible beta skills and endless patience 😭❤️ and @whisperlullaby for workshopping with me 💗

Disclaimer: gif not mine

It's a decently warm day, sunny and clear, and the azure blue sky is dotted sparsely with clouds. A breeze blows through the car windows, playing with the feathers on your dreamcatcher hanging from the rearview mirror while you're stuck in traffic. You had been creeping along for the better part of 20 minutes, but you've been at a standstill now for almost five.

Typically one to drive home in silence to decompress, today the stillness and lack of road noise makes you want to turn on some music instead. Since nothing playing on the local stations feels right, you sync your car Bluetooth with your phone and scroll through your music streaming apps. A playlist you made simply entitled "Happy" seems to fit your mood and the gorgeous weather so you press Shuffle All and settle back in your seat.

The soothing, light-hearted Put Your Records On filters through the speakers and you can't help the smile that curves your lips as you close your eyes. Propping your arm on the window, head on your hand, you bask in the sun's warmth. You periodically crack open an eye to check on the car in front of you but there's no change. Everyone on the road has parked and resigned themselves to the long wait.

Your playlist contains a wide variety of genres, cherry-picked songs that unfailingly lift your mood. They're radio hits, usually well-known songs, and easy to sing along with. You happily bop your way through your playlist, getting a little more energetic, singing along to each song.

Walking on Sunshine just finishes and the next song is cueing when you hear a sweet voice ask lowly, "Do you mind turning it up a little?" You grin and twist the volume knob so I'm Gonna Be (500 miles) plays louder before looking to the eavesdropper that's enjoying your tunes.

Holy shit. How did you not notice the car next to you? There is no way they were there the whole time. They're all beautiful. Two men, two women - blondie is driving, two brunettes are in the back seat, and a redhead is in the passenger seat. She was the one that spoke and she grins gratefully, leaning closer, head tilted out the window. You turn it up a little more as she starts singing along.

You grin widely and start singing with her. Her companions in the car laugh and join in good naturedly, cheering as the two of you belt the call-and-answer part of the song.

When the song ends, you're both breathlessly laughing, smiles wide. You turn your stereo volume down even as the next song starts to play and stretch out for a high five. She gives your hand a satisfying slap as she laughs joyfully.

"That was so fun! Thank you so much, I love that song."

"I do too! You're a great partner! And the back-ups were awesome!" You playfully finger-gun point at the driver and backseat passengers. They cheerfully laugh and thank you. You don't remember the last time you smiled this hard.

"I'm glad you didn't mind - I could barely hear it. I had Steve try to get closer but that didn't really help much, so I just decided to ask you." She gives you a sheepish but pleased smile and you return it.

"Oh no I don't mind! I haven't had this much fun in ages!" You can't seem to stop smiling but maybe it's okay because she's smiling at you, too.

"I'm Nat," she says suddenly, and you don't hesitate to tell her your name. She repeats it quietly, still smiling softly at you.

There's a stretch of silence, you're both just looking at each other and one of her friends clear their throat, causing you both to blink. You think maybe you should be embarrassed but she doesn't appear fazed in the slightest.

"In the spirit of introductions, hello beautiful. I'm Sam." The male brunette sitting behind Nat says smoothly after his light cough. "This is Wanda, up there is Steve." He gestures to the woman beside him and to the driver, respectively.

Your gaze never leaves Nat. You can't tear your eyes from her even as Sam speaks, catching the quick tightness around the edges of her mouth before it relaxes again as you smile and respond to her rather than Sam.

"It's nice to meet you," you say sincerely to Nat. Her answering pleased expression as she returns the sentiment warms you. A pleasant tightness fills your chest as her lips quirk at something Sam mutters under his breath. The woman next to him, Wanda, laughs quietly.

"So, you know, we're gonna be here for a while. Let's see what else you got to listen to." Nat grins expectantly at you with a raised brow and you mirror her expression as you turn the knob.

You're pretty sure you've found your soulmate when her eyes spark in delight and she belts along effortlessly to Sweet Caroline, arms spreading dramatically as she almost nails the driver, Steve, in his face with the back of her hand. Sam and Wanda cackle as he shoves her arm away in mock affront and she sticks her tongue out at him.

You can't help but laugh at their antics, watching her perform, directing her friends' involvement ("bah, bah, bahh") before she turns to you ("so good, so good, so good!"). This is quickly becoming one of the best times you've ever had.

The song continues, both of you sharing the lead, absolutely ridiculous and uncaring of the scene you're making. If anyone in the surrounding cars felt disgruntled at the impromptu concert, you'd never know it. The girl in the car next to you has your undivided attention.

You're not sure how long it's been, how many songs you've played and sang along to, but after a while, traffic slowly creeps to life. Steve taps Nat on the arm during a lull between songs and you lower the volume as she turns to him. He gestures at the line of cars ahead, the ones directly in front still unmoving but in the distance you see brake lights releasing, vehicles rolling forward.

She turns back to you, chewing the inside of her lip as she looks at you thoughtfully. She seems to make a decision and reaches her hand out to you.

"Here, let me see your phone real quick." She makes a single gimme motion, fingers flicking closed then open as you hand the device over. Your lips spread into a wide smile at the triumphant look that crosses her face.

She beams at you before dropping her gaze to the phone, fingers moving quickly across the screen. You hear an unfamiliar notification tone and she pulls a phone from her lap, holding it up to show you.

"I text myself from your phone. Now we have each other's numbers. I wanna be able to call you later." She's unabashedly smug as she hands your phone back and you wonder if your face shows just how pleased you are.

You look down at the message thread she left open for you, the unsaved number displayed at the top.

"Traffic Jam Hottie 😍"

The single line of text and emoji sent from your phone to the number makes you bite your lip and shyly cover your smile with your fingertips. You look at her with raised eyebrows and she correctly interprets your unasked question and shrugs.

"That's your contact name. I'll probably never change it, not even after we get married."

It's sly and nonchalant, how she slips that in there, smooth as you please. Your jaw drops and her friends all seem to choke on air but her gaze, locked on you, is unwavering. The flirtatious expression on her face is simultaneously sincere and mischievous as she watches for your reaction.

Butterflies erupt in your stomach, your chest feels tight and pleasantly warm. Your smile stretches so wide your cheeks hurt as she winks and you're so giddy, you don't care how eager you look in this moment.

You quickly save her contact information and smirk, wiggling your phone at her.

"I'd hope not. I think having matching contact info is pretty cute and kinda romantic. A fun story for the wedding toasts." You grin cheekily.

Her expression shifts, full of mischief, a quirk of her eyebrow that makes your breath hitch and sets your heart racing as her friends whoop with glee at your banter. Her lips spread in a sly smile and you can't help but return it. You're positive you've never smiled this much in your life.

Too soon, the gridlock lets up and you both start moving with traffic. The cars in front of you begin to roll, the lane speeds varying enough to cause you to separate. She's still grinning at you as they get further ahead. You can faintly hear their teasing and you catch a glimpse of her profile, smiling and laughing, before she's no longer visible.

They take an exit as you continue on and you barely have a moment to mourn that they're out of view before your phone vibrates in your lap. Picking it up, you grin madly at the screen, the contact "Traffic Jam Hottie 😍" scrolling across the top.

Accepting the call, you hear it connect through you car speakers, her friends still audible in the background. Your heart stutters when she purrs her greeting.

"Hey hottie."

-----------------------

Tagging some of my amazing discord family: @buckyownsmylife @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog

[malfoysstilinski]

girl in the mirror | DRACO MALFOY

MASTERLIST

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Muggle!Reader

WORD COUNT: 2.1k 

SUMMARY: in which draco and y/n are soulmates and can hear each others’ music, and you’ve been blasting sad songs all week, worrying draco. 

WARNINGS: one mean joke about americans sozzles 

A/N: based on the tiktoks where soulmates can hear each others’ music. i dont think ive seen an imagine like that on here so i thought i’d write one :)) also set in 2010s 

In the Wizarding world, on your thirteenth birthday, you are officially bound to your soulmate. This means different things for different wizards and witches, depending on what they valued. For example, when Blaise Zabini turned thirteen, he was able to see his soulmate in mirrors-- fitting considering how self-obsessed he was. 

Draco, however, heard music. You must be obsessed with it, he realised. He found out he was right pretty quickly, waking up to the sound of your playlists muffled in his ears and falling asleep to them too. 

It was always Muggle music too. You must be a half-blood, or even… Merlin forbid, a Muggle-born. Realising that his soulmate wasn’t going to be a pure-blood like his parents had planned, Draco kept the news to himself and worked on his vocabulary. He tried his best to bite his tongue around Granger, ignoring his friends when they made fun of their ‘dirty’ blood.

He didn’t want to hurt you when he got to meet you. 

It took Draco longer than it should have to realise you definitely didn’t go to Hogwarts. How could you when he’d be sat in assemblies, the room so silent you could hear a pin drop, and all he’d hear is the thumping of your music in his ears as if he was underwater?

“She’s probably an American,” Pansy pretends to gag, the others laughing with her. 

“Could be a Beauxbaton,” Blaise suggests. 

Draco doesn’t like to make assumptions, but he thinks you are definitely a Muggle. It’s rare, but not unheard of in the Wizarding world, especially nowadays. For the Malfoys, though, it would be an outrage. 

You play your music the most when he’s eating dinner in the Great Hall or when he’s getting ready for bed. 

At first, he hated it. He hated your music, he hated how his head was rarely ever quiet, and he hated that he didn’t know who you were in order to beg you to take your headphones out for once. 

However, Draco learnt to love your music. Songs and bands he’d never heard of before quickly became his favourites and eventually, he found himself humming your Muggle tunes in the common room or quietly singing along in his dorm when the other boys were out doing whatever. 

He learned to love having your music in his head, especially as the years rolled on and his life became harder and harder. It made him feel like he was never alone, your muffled melodies making a home in his head and pushing out all of his anxiety and depression. 

Draco wanted to dance with you to them. He liked to lay in bed at night and listen to your songs and imagine that you’re lying next to him. He bets you have a nice singing voice. Maybe you can even play an instrument or two. Maybe you could teach him how to play the guitar, and maybe he could show you how to play his favourite pieces on the piano. 

Your music is never too upbeat, but today Draco feels like he hasn’t heard a single song that wasn’t about being sad. As he trudged from class to class, Draco couldn’t help but feel like something was wrong with you. It had been going on for the past few days, and the music stopped altogether on one of the days. 

He went to bed with an empty head for the first time in a few years, staring at his ceiling. He plugged his iPod in and went to the Muggle section, playing a few of your favourite songs. It wasn’t the same. 

“What’s up with you?” Blaise demands as Draco doesn’t touch his meal for the second time that day. 

Draco glances to his friend and looks away, shaking his head. “Mind your own business, Zabini,” he mutters weakly. 

Blaise’s soulmate, a Slytherin in the year below, joins them at sitting on the table and Blaise immediately forgets all about Draco, the two of them giggling as they hug each other. Draco thought he could throw up right there and then, shaking his head in disgust. 

Green was Draco’s colour and Merlin was he jealous. 

Why did you have to be a stupid Muggle?

Draco immediately feels bad for even thinking it. He wants to hug you and kiss the top of your head and mutter apology after apology. The soft feeling makes him feel weak. You did things to him that nobody else did, and he doesn’t even know who you were. The fact that you were most likely going through a rough time right now made it ten times worse. 

“What’s wrong with Draco?” He hears Zabini’s girl whisper. 

“Why don’t you ask me yourself?” Draco snaps, lip curling in disgust. “Instead of talking behind my back like a coward!”

“Draco,” Blaise growls. “I don’t know what’s up with you, mate, but you need to calm down.”

“It’s your soulmate, isn’t it?” Pansy quirks an eyebrow from opposite them. “Are they playing that rubbish song you hate on repeat again?”

“No,” Draco hisses in defence of you. “I like that song, thank you.”

Pansy holds her hands up. “Okay, whatever. Sorry, Malfoy. What has got your knickers in a twist, then?”

He hesitates. He doesn’t like talking about you to anybody else but he’s really worried and he thinks maybe one of them might be able to help. 

“She’s…” Draco’s eyes drift to burn holes in the table in front of him. “She’s been listening to sad songs.”

Goyle snorts, making Draco’s head snap to him in fury. 

“Sorry, Malfoy, sorry… But that does sound ridiculous, mate,” Goyle admits. “She’s probably just into that… genre?”

“No, you don’t understand,” Draco huffs and shakes his head. “You don’t know her like I do. Something’s wrong with her, I can tell.”

“Well, why don’t you visit her?” Blaise asks, grabbing a grape and popping into his mouth. 

“What?” Draco spits. “Is that a joke, Zabini? I don’t find it funny--”

“I’m not joking,” Blaise frowns. “Merlin’s sake, Malfoy. Do you not pay attention in Charms?”

“Of course I do,” Draco hesitates, lying. “But what are you talking about, anyway?”

…

Draco feels ridiculous as he stands in front of the mirror in the bathrooms later that night. It’s silent since it’s the middle of the night, but Draco knows you’re awake because of the glum music playing faintly in his ears. 

He wants to visit you like Blaise told him to do, and as he stands in front of the mirror and casts his incantations, he can’t help but wonder if this is a setup. He doesn’t give his hopes up, doesn’t hold his breath that when he opens his eyes you’ll be on the other side of the mirror. 

But he wants you to be. He wants you to be there so badly. 

Draco does sort of believe it so he put on his black turtleneck and black suit and combed his hair like usual, replacing the uniform and robes he’d been wearing all day. He doesn’t want you to see him and be disappointed. 

He knows he won’t be disappointed no matter what you look like or what you are. 

Draco takes a deep breath as he lowers his wand and closes his eyes. When he counts down and opens his eyes, he’s stunned into silence by the sight in front of him. His heart skips a beat and he nearly chokes on his own spit. 

Staring back at him in the mirror is not his own pale reflection but what looks like a bedroom. The mirror glows orange from the lighting and he can see that it’s decorated with posters and records and other Muggle things. Draco doesn’t even process that you’re a confirmed Muggle at this point, he doesn’t care enough about that. 

On a single bed in the middle of the room, sat up in the very centre with headphones in and a laptop in front of her, is a girl his age. She’s got beautiful y/s/c skin and y/c/h locks that have been thrown up into a messy bun, her y/c/e trained on the screen in front of her as she watches what he assumes is a film or a tv show. 

She’s wearing a school uniform, not quite as posh as Hogwarts’, and it’s slightly crumpled from sitting in her bed with it on. Her polished black shoes are nowhere to be seen, rips in the bottom of her tights no doubt from wearing them thin five days a week. 

Draco can’t believe he’s looking at you right now. He reaches his hand out, eyes widening when his fingers seem to slip past the glass and he’s sucked into another world-- your world. He wasn’t expecting it to happen, a small yelp leaving his lips as he tumbles straight out of the mirror hanging on your wall and onto your carpet. 

You both scream as you make eye contact and you’ve thrown your laptop about in a panic. There’s no music in his ears now that he stands in front of you. Draco breathes heavily, unsure what to say. 

“Um, hello?” He offers. 

“What the hell?” You yell. “What are you doing in my bedroom? Who are you? My laptop!”

You ignore him as you dive off of the bed and pick it up. The screen is smashed making you glare at him harder. 

“I’m sorry!” Draco practically squeaks. “I- I have Galleons--”

“Who are you?” You cut him off roughly. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Draco keeps repeating, hoping you will calm down. “I-I’m Draco Malfoy.”

“Draco Malfoy?” You repeat with a mocking laugh. “Is that a joke?”

“No,” he replies, voice pitched higher than usual with offence. “What’s your name?”

Normally you wouldn’t tell a stranger your name, but this situation is anything but normal. You stare at the boy for a few seconds, wondering why he feels familiar. There’s something about him that has you relaxing under his gaze, which is weird because he literally just appeared out of nowhere. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you reply sceptically. 

Draco smiles, “beautiful name.”

“Are you like a nonce or something?”

“Nonce?” Draco crinkles his nose in confusion. 

You narrow your brows at him. “You’re literally British-- how do you not know what that means?”

“I’m not… I don’t really come from your kind of England,” Draco doesn’t know how to explain there is an entire world she’s been hidden from-- this is the first Muggle he’s ever had a conversation with. 

“Are you Welsh?” 

“Do I sound Welsh to you?” Draco cocks his head to the side, already amused. 

“Sometimes I can’t tell the difference, not gonna lie,” you reply. “But no. I’m sure you’re English. You sound like you’re a private school kid or something.”

“I guess I am,” Draco replies quietly, looking around your bedroom and taking in all of the colours that it has. 

You seem to snap out of whatever daze you were in. “Hey! You distracted me. Now tell me what the hell you’re doing in my bedroom before I call the police.”

Draco’s tongue darts out to wet his lips as he contemplates his next words. He hesitates and sits down on your bed next to you. You can smell his cologne-- it smells much more expensive than the Lynx sprays the boys at college seem to be obsessed with. 

“Do you ever hear music in your ears?” He asks, watching your eyes widen in conformation. “You do. That’s… that’s me. My music. I hear your music too. You listen to it all the time. Um… normally a lot of bands and stuff.”

There’s a long silence. “Do you have me on Spotify?”

“What’s Spotify?” Draco’s nose crinkles. 

“You probably just see what I listen to on Spotify!” You claim, standing up as you become weary of the boy on your bed. 

Draco still doesn’t quite understand your Muggle terminology, but he gets the gist of what you’re trying to imply. 

“That doesn’t explain the music you hear in your head from me,” Draco tries. “Or how I just came out of your mirror.”

You look overwhelmed. “What are you?” You whisper. 

“We, Y/N, are soulmates.”

...

yuh

PART TWO HERE

[bookishofalder]

Joke of a Batman

Spencer Reid x Male!Reader

Request: @meowiemari Okie dokie!!! So Spencer x male reader where the reader is the driver for the robbers. They arrested him after finding him in a gas station getting snacks. While driving in his car with Morgan, Reid, and Hotch, the reader is in the passenger seat telling them the location because he was just there for the money. Hotch and Morgan went while Spencer stays to keep an eye on him. Reader’s playlist in his car plays old Justin Bieber songs and it’s gonna be me by NSYNC. Spencer sees his embarrassment and  awkwardly sings a bit so he doesn’t feel shame. Later in absolute a few minuets the two started singing and as soon as Morgan comes back with Hotch, they both quickly turn off the playlist and exchange numbers. :)

Warnings: Swearing, implied SMUT (super brief)

A/N: Thank you so much for the request! I loved writing this, and hope I you enjoy. This was my first time writing the reader as male-so please tell me if I can improve! Tried to keep reader description as vague as possible. Thank you to @mermaidxatxheart​ for encouraging me to get writing :) 

“That’ll be $11.75, please.” The bored gas station attendant droned, staring at you expectantly. You began to pull out a few bills from your wallet, ready to get home and eat your pint of ice cream in peace, but before you could count out what you needed, a voice behind you cut in.

“He’s no longer going to be making a purchase today, actually,” Spinning around in alarm, you find yourself face to face with two imposing men, one with a deep frown and overall authoritative air with his crisp suit, the other a handsome but tall and physically intimidating specimen.

With a gulp, you stuff the cash in your wallet. Who were these guys?

“Y/F/N?”

You nod as heat creeps up your neck, burning your face. Fucking Peter Robbins, you always knew, was going to be the death of you. And now it looked like your latest foray into his questionable life was going to land you in jail. These had to be cops.

You knew you should have ignored his call. You’d been telling yourself for years not to help him, he was just going to get himself in trouble again and call again, and you got nothing out of it. He used you because he knew you liked him. The two of you had been friends for years, and it didn’t take him long to realize the ways he could manipulate you because of how you felt.

It took you a lot longer to catch on to what he was doing.

But fuck, you still came running when he called, didn’t you? Like you were some joke of a Batman and he was shining his light into the sky calling for you. If only.

“That’s, yeah, that’s me.” You replied, slowly shoving your wallet into your front pocket before holding your hands in front of you in surrender. Whatever happened, you decide at this moment that you never want to see Peter again. Because giving that man a ride in hopes he’d one day say he was interested was not worth this.

“Mr. (Y/L/N), we’re placing you under arrest,” The frowning man held out his badge, showing you he was one Agent Hotchner from the fucking FBI. You tuned him out, your ears suddenly ringing, alarm shooting through you. Getting arrested was one thing, but the FBI? What in the living hell had Peter gotten into? Got you into?

He called you for a ride. It was just supposed to be a ride.

You were surprised when they didn’t cuff you, but you weren’t stupid enough to question them. They led you outside, where the gas station was quiet, only their large black SUV and your Honda Civic parked out front. You kept your eyes down, a sting threatening the corners but you were not going to cry. You needed to take this one step at a time, and not overreact. You surely didn’t fuck up that badly, did you? They’d said ‘suspicion of aiding a crime’, only suspicion.

“Listen, kid,” The bald Agent whose name you learned was Morgan turned and faced you, his expression serious. You bristled slightly at him calling you ‘kid’, but based on the crows' feet around his eyes, maybe he was older than he let on. “We know that you were just the driver today, and that you’d probably have no clue what’s going on right now.”

You raised your eyes to meet his, “Peter Robbins has ensured I fuck up my life at least once a year for nearly a decade. This is just...a new level for me.” You shrug, trying not to think of what your family was going to say when they found out. Would you lose your job?

“We’ve been watching Peter and his associates for a while now,” Agent Hotchner replied, and your brows raised in surprise. “Yes, he’s escalated from petty crimes that upset the local sheriff to armed robbery. Unfortunately, one of his partners happens to enjoy killing. Which is why we were called in.” He stops speaking abruptly when another Agent, you assume from the gun on his belt, steps around the SUV and up to your group.

For a moment, you’re caught off guard. This Agent is stunningly handsome, much younger than the other two. His eyes, which met yours for only a moment before flitting away, were a soft honey brown that sucked you right in. He had a bit of a shadow along his jaw, his wavy brown hair unkempt in the best kind of way, as though he’d just rolled out of bed looking that perfect. And you could tell he didn’t even realize the power he had. Standing next to two burly, thick muscled Agents, you could understand why. But in your brief assessment of this new man, you could see the lean strength of him, the muscles of his lower arms, veins in his hands. He was tall, too, taller than either of the other men, which was saying something.

“What’s up, Reid?” Morgan asked, and the new arrival-Reid-held up his phone.

“Garcia can’t pull anything from the Honda, it’s, her words, an ancient species.” He spoke quickly, almost as though the words couldn’t find their way off of his tongue quickly enough. You tried not to fixate on his mouth, because damn it, his lips were perfect.

Absentmindedly, you crossed your arms across your chest, feeling tense and tired. When Reid’s eyes followed the movement, you felt frozen under his gaze, watching with your breath held as it dragged slowly up to your face. His expression was unreadable, yet you still felt your cheeks grow warmer.

“Listen, (Y/N), we know you don’t have any real part in Peter’s crimes. We intercepted his calls and texts, we know he asked you to pick him up today, last minute.” Agent Hotchner said, his eyes burning into yours.

You looked away from the other men, shame flooding through you. “Peter always calls, and I always answer. But I really don’t know anything about what he does, I didn't know he was even with anyone else today. He asked me to pick him up right out front of the pharmacy, that’s all.” You couldn’t help the edge to your voice, the wordless plea that they understand you had no clue what was going on. And if innocent people were dying, you would do anything you could to help them put a stop to it.

Reid tilted his head slightly as he watched you, “We’ve seen the messages, (Y/N), we know how he treats you, giving you a little, yet taking a lot,” The tears almost threaten now, so you glance away, looking at the ground as you nod, “And he doesn’t even tell you what he’s taking, the danger he’s putting you in. He’s going to go away for a long time, but you don’t have to.”

At this, your head snaps up and you look between the three men, expecting them to laugh and finally cuff you. But they all wear the same neutral expression, all watching you.

“Like I said, I don’t know much abou-“

Reid shook his head, politely interjecting, “We understand. But you know where you took him today, right?” At your nod, Reid stepped a little closer, peering down at you, “We need you to take us to him. And tell us any other addresses you can remember picking him up from or taking him to in the last year. Can you help us? You won’t be under arrest if you can give us what we need to stop Peter and the men he’s working with.”

You almost wanted to laugh. Of course, you would help, regardless of whether you were still under arrest; you had no loyalty whatsoever to Peter. You only ever showed up for him because you hoped, each time, that it would be the time he would go beyond flirting. That the feelings were mutual. But if he was committing crimes-fuck, robbing people, working with a murderer, then you were done with him.

“I can tell you addresses, and I can show where he is now, I just,” You paused, closing your eyes briefly to pull in a breath, steadying yourself, “Please, don’t hurt him, if you don’t need to, I mean.”

Reid’s eyes, which you found the moment you opened yours, visibly softened at your words. He seemed a little surprised, you thought, though it was hard to tell. He was difficult to read, and you’d only just met him. He nodded reassuringly before looking to Agent Hotchner expectantly while you waited, your insides in knots.

“(Y/N), Spencer is going to go with you in your vehicle, and we’ll be following behind. Take us as close as you can without being obvious. Reid,” He turned to the handsome agent, “We’re going to check the car first, can you-“ He gestured wordlessly in your direction, which made you frown in confusion.

Reid nodded, and you watched as the two other agents moved to search your car, while he moved toward you. “I’m going to search you for weapons, okay?” He explained, holding his hands out as if waiting for your permission.

You stared, perhaps a beat too long, at his long-fingered hands. With a shy bob of your head, you looked to Reid, “Of course, I understand.” And the agent began to pat you down as you stood awkwardly.

It wasn’t as though the action was intimate or affectionate, but for whatever reason, you did feel his touch was hesitant. He was gentle, considerate...it surprised you. And then his hands slid up your back as he stood in front of you, and you became acutely aware of the thin cotton t-shirt your wore, instantly becoming self-conscious. You wondered what he thought of you, of your body.

Mind out of the gutter, you told yourself.

It was then, when Reid leaned back, his hands sliding from your back to your chest, that time seemed to stand still, just for a moment. They moved across your stomach briefly, and as they began to pull away, the search complete, you looked up. Reid was staring at you, his cheeks flushed, eyes heavy. You caught your breath, his gaze was so intense, but before you could even try to think of what to say, he was swiftly stepping back, breaking eye contact with a heavy swallow.

You were kind of relieved. That had been almost too intense, whatever that was. The relief lasted only moments until Agent Hotchner called out that your car was good to go, and you remembered you had a twenty-minute car ride alone with the Reid.

Fuck.

+

The first few minutes of the drive are bearable enough, Spencer takes the wheel as you give him directions to the subdivision where you had dropped Peter off. It’s when the silence starts to press in, and you don’t know what to say to fill it, that things swiftly change.

Sensing the tension, no doubt, Reid reaches out to the audio power button and hits your stereo on. With an internal groan, you suddenly wish you could just jump out of the moving vehicle when the song you’d been listening to picks back up.

'Cause I've had everything But no one's listening And that's just fucking lonely I'm so lonely Lonely

You had put on a playlist you considered your ‘sad songs’ compilation for whenever you were let down by Peter or any other man. You enjoyed wallowing in self-pity for just a little while after each encounter. But now, as Justin Bieber crooned sadly, you didn't feel sad, just humiliated. You were in your car with a fiercely hot FBI agent who had given you some kind of fucking bedroom eyes just minutes ago as he pats you down, and this song plays.

Your expression must have been obvious, as you saw Reid look at you a few times out of the corner of your eye, frowning somewhat. When the song ended, you didn’t get a chance to be relieved before ‘Somebody to Love” began playing. This time, you sighed aloud, sinking somewhat into your seat and wishing you could dissolve into a pile of goo like the Wicked Witch.

Until that is, you glanced up and saw Reid’s fingers tapping gently on the steering wheel to the beat. Surprised, you looked around to the agent and he was mouthing the words, singing along with the chorus. Stunned, you just watched him for a moment, quickly finding yourself enraptured by the way his plump lips moved around the words, how his tongue would wet them between lines, how his eyes-

Fuck, he was looking right at you. You smiled quickly but looked away, your hands fidgeting in your lap. You really had much bigger, more important shit to be concerned with right now, yet here you were wondering what the hell this perfect man, this FBI agent that was far too handsome for his own good, was doing singing along with the silly song, and why the look he gave you had butterflies erupting in your stomach.

Not to mention, the guilt that accompanied those thoughts, brief as they were, of what the lips would feel like on yours. What they would feel like on your body. Wrapped around your cock. Fuck.

He hadn’t said anything, but his fingers continued to tap along with the beat with ease. Eventually, when you directed him to the final turn, you chanced another glance at him. As if expecting your gaze, he turned his head and smiled at you, “I’m Spencer, by the way, Dr. Spencer Reid.” You blinked. Doctor?

“Oh, uh. Wow. Nice to meet you, Dr-“

“You can call me Spencer,” He cut in, his expression somewhat amused.

You nodded, “Nice to meet you, Spencer. Though I wish it were under different circumstances, perhaps where I wasn’t a criminal piece of shit.”

He pulled the car over, stopped at the community mailbox you had described as the perfect place to park. Once he’d turned the engine off, he turned to face you, those warm eyes giving you a gentle look. “You aren’t a criminal piece of shit, (Y/N),” Oh, you loved the way your name sounded coming from him. “I’d go as far as to say you’re a victim in all of this.”

You scoffed, waving a hand in protest, “No, I really should have known better than to help Peter.”

But Spencer shook his head, “As I said earlier, we saw the messages. He manipulates you, and he doesn’t ever tell you what he’s actually doing. He just gets you to give him rides, acts like it’s a way to hang out when really he’s using you as a cover because, in reality, you’re a law-abiding, hardworking, kind man. Men like him don’t deserve to breathe the same air as you, (Y/N).”

Letting out a breath, your mind went blank at Spencer’s words, failing you entirely. You believed every word he’d said, and you felt warm all over at the intense way he watched you, it was almost...protective.

Before your mind could reboot and you could trust yourself to open your mouth and not simply drool, a tap on the window drew your eyes beyond Spencer. Agent Hotchner stood there, waiting patiently with his arms crossed.

Spencer climbed out of your car, but you stayed put, glad for a moment to close your eyes and try to steady your beating heart. After this was over, you were climbing into your bathtub and staying there for the rest of the week. Maybe the rest of the month.

“Prentiss and JJ are parked at the North end, they’re going to come with us. Can you wait here, with (Y/N), and call Garcia and have him give her the other locations?”

You heard Spencer agree and bid his fellow agents goodbye before climbing back into your car. He smiled warmly at you, and you couldn’t help but return it, your own shy and uncertain. “You heard what our task is?” He asked you, his head tilted again, watching you curiously.

“Yes.”

“Okay, good. But first, can you give me your phone, please?” He held his hand out expectantly. You handed it over, first pointing it towards your face to unlock it. His fingers brushed yours when he took the phone from you, and if you hadn’t been looking at him already, you wouldn’t have believed it was intentional. But it was because at the slight contact, your eyes had widened and Spencer...Spencer had smirked.

He clicked around on your phone for a moment, hit one final button and then passed it back to you, looking satisfied. When you took it back, his phone chimed in his pocket. Confused, you peered down at your screen to see he’d added his name to your contacts and sent himself a text from your phone. Well fuck.

He was watching you with an amused expression, “Once this case is over, (Y/N), I’d love it if you would allow me to take you to dinner.”

“I, wow,” You stammered, nervously running your hair through your hair. His eyes followed your movement, and you saw a glint behind the warmth, of desire. Hunger. You didn’t think twice. “I’d love to, Spencer.” He grinned at you.

And surprising even yourself, you reached out and squeezed his hand. And when he returned the pressure and ran his thumb softly across the back of your hand, all thoughts of Peter left your mind as *NSYNC played in the background and you didn’t feel lonely anymore.

Did you enjoy this story? Please consider reblogging or commenting to ease my inner turmoil as a writer. Likes are basically just a bookmark!

✨Taglist: @mermaidxatxheart @paintballkid711 @snitchthewitch

[cosmiclatte28]

Neo Got My Back (Jaehyun x reader)

a/n : a domestic Jaehyun fluff scenario! 

enjoy! you all deserve a ( good bed time) story.. though I hope this is good enough.. 

warning : mentions of past incident of almost dying but nah you lived :D, some slight cursing

tagging @yutahoes who might like this domestic jaehyun and ofc @neopalette

--- here goes nothing ----

It’s starting to get dark outside and your house still feels empty. You walk around the small room holding your phone while checking if there is any new message or a call. It’s been a long day for you to finish your works and take care of your dog that’s feeling a bit under the weather. You give up waiting for a reply and choose to just leave your phone and take care of your sick dog.

“Neo, come here.” You make yourself comfortable on the floor and pat your lap as the small Labrador walks slowly to you.

“Aw look at you, you’re still sick but feeling better?” you ask when the good boy wags its tail

“Are you excited to meet daddy?” you coo at your pal and he licks your cheek. You giggle and kiss him back “I also miss Jaehyun, don’t worry he is coming home tonight.”

Your dog seems to understand what you said, maybe its because he heard Jaehyun and home in one sentence and your tone sounds happy. If you are happy, then Neo is happy.

“Let’s try to eat some more, you’re not eating as much as usual and I don’t find that settling.” You reach on the dog food you’ve prepared before hand and try to feed Neo.

He eats, but without much energy. You’re sad actually to see him acting like this, at night he also whimpers some soft painful growl. You’re planning to take him to the vet if he’s whimpering again tonight.

“Are you sick or are you just acting up to see Jaehyun?” you tease your Labrador, who once were caught acting sick just to bring Jaehyun home. Jaehyun loves Neo to the point where he is willing to drop his business to come and hug this good boy. Maybe it’s because Neo once saved your life.

You told Jaehyun about the story where Neo saved you from almost drowning in the beach when you were a teenager. Since then, Jaehyun’s love to Neo sort of jumps over the moon. He said he ought Neo everything because thanks to Neo he got to meet you.

Your dog finishes his dinner and proceed to lay on his bed to sleep, maybe he is not feeling well. You put your worry aside and grab your phone again, checking if Jaehyun actually replied your message or called you.

Nothing. No messages, no calls. He must be busy in the office, you thought to yourself. Trying your best to stay calm and think of positive things. You trust Jaehyun, he won’t be home late for any other reasons other than caught up with work or stuck in the road.

Jaehyun sighs and glances on his watch again. It’s already one hour past his regular go home time and his phone battery died the moment he was about to tell you he will be home late.

Well the project he is working on this month has a change on the product launching date, so the team has to rush things up and make sure they’re ready for the launching next week.

His attempt to stay calm with tuning into his favorite radio channel fails. Not even his music playlist can calm him down. He knows you’re probably worried something bad happens to him without news or update from him to you and that is not settling in his heart.

“I am so sorrryyyy..” he mutters to himself when he sees the red lights and rows of cars all crawling in the night street. Why must the road be congested today?

He made it into your neighborhood and at that moment he realized something.

“Shit, I forgot to download the Netflix movie she wanted to watch.” Jaehyun internally curses himself. Works really preoccupied his mind to the point where he forgot. Well he hopes you won’t be mad and just let him download it for awhile to avoid pauses.

The lift ride to your room is not helping. With the lift keeps on stopping on different floor, he has to hold his patience and not cry in there when the door once again opens and he’s still halfway to your floor.

The man with a nice fitted suit finally steps out of the crowded lift. His face shows how tired he is, but the smile he has in his face upon imagining the face of his lover and faithful pal is bright enough.

Jaehyun takes a deep breath when he presses the six-digit combination lock to your home and once he presses the handle down, all of his exhaustion seems to leave his shoulder.

The familiar scent of your favorite aroma therapy candle greets him. Slowly Jaehyun takes off his shoes and when he did not see you or get a surprising jump from you, he knows you’re probably in your room doing works or maybe playing with Neo.

His steps resonate through the room, first the kitchen looks bright with a nice simple dinner nicely arranged on the table. Though it’s no longer steaming, Jaehyun can feel his stomach rumbles.

“(Y/n)?” he calls your name slowly after putting his working bag and suit aside. His hand unties his tie as he uncuffs his buttons and walk to look for you.

“Oh you’re asleep?” he talks to himself in whispers when he finds you laying down sleeping on the sofa with Neo cuddled next to you, despite the lack of space!

Gently he tucks your hair aside from your face and leans in to kiss your forehead. “Sorry for being home late.”

You twist in your sleep and slowly open your eyes. Blinking your sleep away and gathering your energy to process what is this. Is this a dream or is this Jaehyun?

Your hand reach out to touch his cheeks and when you feel it you smile. “Hello love,” you yawn and hug his torso.

“I haven’t showered or changed.” he runs a hand on your hair and the other free hand is already rubbing Neo’s chin.

“It’s okay, you can shower later.” You mumble as you bury your face into his torso.

“Have you eaten?” you ask, definitely knowing he hasn’t eaten yet.

He nods “I am hungry.”

“I can heat the food for you. Take a bath quick.” You push him to the toilet. He laughs and ruffles your hair before leaving to take his towel and clothes.

You bring Neo with you to the kitchen, and start to heat the food again.

Seeing Jaehyun still try his best to smile in front of you despite his stress and tiring job, makes you feel grateful and that the only way you can pay him back is by giving him the attention and cares he deserves.

He returns with a brighter face and a comfortable tee shirt and sweats. You’re done with heating the foods and so you join him sitting on the other end of the table as you scoop him some foods into his plate.

“Thank you, you cooked this?” he asks while taking small bites on the foods. Knowing his best to not expect too much when you are a terrible cook.

You bite your lips “I tried a receipt from Taeyong’s website.” You look up at him with expectations, couldn’t be that bad right? You’ve been practicing for a while. Jaehyun nods and eats more “I guess you improved?” he chuckles when you let out a delightful clap

“I am glad!” you grin. “I am ready to be your housewife.” You tease him.

He giggles and reaches out for more kimchi “Who made this kimchi? So good.”

You roll your eyes “Mom.”

“Ah, learn from her first to make this good kimchi, then you can marry me.” He playfully pokes your cheek and you pout at him “You hold your words. If I succeed making that kimchi, you’re marrying me.”

He flashes his ring finger to you, the one with a couple promise ring he has with you and winks “I am more than ready to change this ring into a diamond one.”

You blush “Keep your words okay. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He nods “I am. I am going to keep my words. Right Neo? You are our witness.”

The dog barks and stays under the table accompanying the warm night both of you spend together.

“About not replying to your text, I am sorry my phone died, and I don’t bring my charger with me today.” He brushes his hair away from his eyes.

You nod “I knew it, you and your hobby of running out of batteries. I’m just afraid something bad happens.”

“No, don’t worry. It’s just we had to take over time to finish a project for next week. Sorry to keep you waiting.” He raises from the chair and brings his plates to the dish.

You quickly keep the remaining foods into the refrigerator while Jaehyun takes the gloves and starts to wash the sink.

“Ow poor you, did you finish it? Things are okay?” you lean on the counter next to him.

“Yes, I can go home because I finished my parts.”

“Good then,” you pat his shoulder “You must be tired, let’s-“

He cuts you in “About Netflix-“ he takes a sharp pause “I am so sorry we have to postpone watching A Whisker Away, I haven’t downloaded it yet.”

You smile and rubs his shoulder “Don’t worry, the film is not going to disappear! Let’s rest instead. You had a long day and I want to cuddle with you.”

Jaehyun smiles and jumps into your side, he hugs you and pulls the cover over you both “Okay, cuddle it is then! Come here, let me hug you until you beg me to stop.” He peppers you with raspberry kisses on your neck and arm and you giggle loudly.

“love you Jae!” you kiss him quick to which the other man smiles and kisses you back “And I love you most.”

end

[undyingskies]

Beach Daze

request: no

a/n: So again I self indulged and created this piece of writing! Honestly I really like this one and hope you guys enjoy!

warnings: none, I think there are a few curse words. this is a long piece and I honestly don't remember 

___________________________________________

Finally, you had a day off. You were juggling picking up extra shifts at the coffee shop you were working at and nannying for the family you were working for.

It had been a nonstop 2 weeks of going from watching Josie then immediately going to a shift at the coffee shop.

But finally, today was the day. You had the time to relax and breath. You had the next two days off at the coffee shop and Josie and her family were out of town for the next week.

The weather in LA was warm and sunny, the heat beckoning you to go out and enjoy it.

The day prior your best friend invited you, well more told you, that the two of you were going to have a girls day at the beach. Which didn’t sound bad then and now with this weather it really didn’t sound bad at all.

You had your beach bag packed up, with sunscreen, tanning oil, a speaker and a towel. You also had a cooler full of snacks and drinks for the two of you.

You were excited to finally get some sun, your skin could use a sun kissed glow. It was going to be a good day.

Your phone ding goes off letting you know that you got a text. It was from your best friend letting you know that she was there to pick you up.

You throw your t-shirt over your bikini top and slip your sandals on before you make your way out to her car.

You throw your bag and cooler in her backseat before you hop in the front.

“Ready to go? I figured we could go to Malibu?” Morgan asked as you buckled yourself in.

“Yes and yes!” You tell her. “You got music for the way there and I got music for the beach?”

She nods in agreement. While both your music tastes were similar the two of you always seemed to argue over whose playlist you would play. This way the both of you got to play music.

The two of you jam out all the way to the beach, already feeling the relaxation of your day off.

Little did you know that a simple beach trip could potentially change your life.

Similar to your day off, Charlie finally had a free day. His days were full of interviews and promo for Julie and The Phantoms but today he was finally free for the whole day.

His friend Hannah invited him to the beach with her and her boyfriend. He thought why not, a day at the beach, enjoying the water and friends would not hurt him.

Hannah had told him to meet them at Malibu beach, he quickly packed his own bag to take to the beach with him before he left for the day.

You were there before him and just a few feet away from where him and his friends would reside on the same beach.

When  you and Morgan get to the beach; you quickly make your way down the sand to find the perfect spot.

Once you were convinced you had found the perfect spot, you and Morgan laid out your towels. You brought extra as you like to create a big space to be able to lay out on.

You pulled out a few drinks, handing one to Morgan and taking one for yourself. The two of you strip down to your bathing suits, and take turns helping each other spray sunscreen on your backs.

The sun on your skin already feels like heaven. You have your phone plugged into the speaker, enjoying your newest playlist. Morgan and you joke around for a little bit before she decides to take a nap and you decide to read your book.

What you didn’t know was that Charlie and his friends were just a few feet away from the two of you.

Your presence was unknown to them for a while until they caught wind of some of the jokes and conversation you were having with Morgan. Charlie laughed along with a few of your jokes.

“You should take a picture it’ll last longer.” Hannah pokes fun at Charlie.

The minute Charlie caught sight of you it seemed that you got all of his attention. Your humor caught him and your laugh made him stay. The beauty you held didn’t hurt either.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Charlie says blushing, embarrassed that she had caught him.

“Dude!” Hannah says laughing, “You haven’t taken your eyes or attention away from that girl since you noticed her.”

“Whatever Hannah!” Charlie says, “She’s been telling good jokes and I like her music.”  He says trying to avoid the conversation any longer.

Little did you know that two feet away from you was one of the most good-looking guys you would ever lay your eyes on and you had caught his attention.

You let some time pass as you read your book and let Morgan nap. You slowly felt the boredom start to creep through your thoughts letting it take your attention away from the words on your page.

You move to poke Morgan in the back hoping to wake her up. You poke her about 3 times before she starts to stir in her sleep.

“What do you want Y/N?” She asks sounding slightly annoyed.

“I’m bored, entertain me or let’s do something fun.” You tell her, still poking her.

“Stop!” She says laughing while moving to push your hands away. “We could play volleyball; I brought my ball.”

“Ya that sounds fun.” You tell her, moving to lean on your elbows. You feel the towel stick to your back due to the sweat that had pooled there. “I may go jump in the water before though, I need to cool off.”

She just nods her head at you before rolling onto her back. You loved the water, her not so much.

You stood up, brushing the sand off your thighs before you make your way down to the water.

A shiver rushes through you as the water hits your feet. You don’t let it stop you. Next thing you’re doing is jogging right into the water, diving headfirst into the incoming wave. A big smile across your face as you come up, brushing the hair out of your face.

You spend the next few minutes swimming around in the water, enjoying the waves and coolness of the water.

You were in your own little heaven completely oblivious to the world around you.

Completely oblivious to the brown-haired boy whose eyes were practically out of his head as he watched you swim and laugh around in the water. You looked beautiful, he could see the smile on your face and the sun shining off your body.

He didn’t think you could get any more beautiful, but then you made your way out of the water. It was like one of those scenes from the movie. It was like you were walking in slow motion, as you step back onto the sand, brushing back your hair from your face, the water dripping off you. It was a sight to see and you were absolutely breath taking.

Charlie was in a complete daze.

Hannah laughed again at the sight of her best friend, completely star struck by you.

“You should go talk to her.” She says pulling his gaze from you for the second time today.

“You know I can’t do that.” He says, shaking his head slightly and clearing his throat.

While Hannah tried to hype up her friend. You made your way to Morgan, using an extra towel to dry off slightly. The sun already doing most of the work.

“Hey, will you turn that up?” You ask her as you lean to grab the volleyball. Ready to toss it back and forth.

“Sure!” She says while doing so and then getting up to play with you.

A familiar tune to both you and Charlie starts to make its way throughout the atmosphere.

“Take off, last stop,

Countdown till we blast open the top,

Face first, full charge,

Electric hammer to the heart.”

You dance a little to the song, pulling some interesting moves getting a laugh from your friend.

You start to hit the ball back and forth, having to run around a little due to your lack of skill. You were still having fun though.

“What song is this?” Morgan asks, she knew your playlists pretty well and she never heard this song before.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure!” You tell her laughing, “Josie was playing it the other day on the ride home from school and she added it to my playlist. I liked it though so I kept it!”

She just nods her head and hits the ball back to you. Which you ignore due to the squeal that leaves your mouth.

“Hold on, this is the best part.” You tell her as you run to turn up the music louder, this time the sound can be heard by Charlie and his crew.

“And even if we hit the ground,

We’ll still fly,

Keep dreaming like we’ll live forever,

But live it like it’s now or never.”

You sing along, loudly and not quite on key, and pull some more interesting dance moves. Laughter leaving both you and Morgan.

Charlie and his friends eyes never leave the sight of you once they notice.

“That’s a familiar tune, now isn’t it?” Hannah says, the first one to notice the song that is playing through your speaker.

“Huh?” Charlie grunts out, not paying much attention. He was finally laying down and relaxing in the sun.

“Listennnnn!” Hannah says, a smile on her face.

The faint music of a very familiar song reaches Charlie’s ears. He hears the ever familiar lyrics,   “Those were the best shades of my life, don’t look down.”

Then he hears the music get louder, becoming much clearer. Then along with the familiar lyrics, he hears a voice singing along to it.

That’s when he’s pushing himself to sit up and witness you dancing along to his voice.

A big smile makes its way onto his face.

“I think that’s your sign to go talk to her buddy,” Hannah says giving him a shove.

“I don’t know, is it weird to go up to someone and be like hey you’re listening to my song oh and also you’re really pretty.” Hannah and her boyfriend laugh at his words.

“Come on, I’ll go with you! Maybe we can sneak our way into their volleyball game.” She says, grabbing onto Charlie’s hand and pulling him up.

Charlie stops moving, now nervous to go up to you. Hannah rolls her eyes at him.

“Fine, I’ll go do it myself! You’ll thank me later!” She says as she begins to jog over to you and Morgan.

The two of you are enjoying your game and joking around. Your jokes helping distract you from your terrible volleyball skills.

Your back was to Charlie and his friends so Morgan was the first to notice Hannah making her way up to you guys.

Morgan stops throwing the ball, confusing you.

“What dude? You’re scared of my skills now aren’t you?” You laugh at her, which gets a laugh from her and the person behind you. Which then in turn gets your attention. You quickly turn on your heels to make eye contact with the girl in front of you.

“Hi!” Is all she says.

“Hi back!” You say with a laugh and smile.

“I’m sorry if this is super weird or random but my friends and I saw you guys playing volleyball and we are wondering if we could join you?” She asks.

You look at Morgan both of you shrugging your shoulders, more people to play with couldn’t hurt.

“Sure!” You say.

“Awesome, I’ll go get them!” She says right as she turns on her own heels and makes her way back to the two boys, beckoning them to come over.

“Gillespie, you better get your ass over there or else.” She says with a stern look. She has him by the hand and dragging him over.

He can hear your laughter as he comes closer, it sounds even better close up.

Morgan nods her head at you, letting you know that they were coming back. When you turn you weren’t ready to see the boy standing in front of you.

You feel your breath get caught in your throat at the sight of him, your eyes locking in with his blue ones.

“Hi.” You say almost breathless, a smile displays itself on his face at your voice.

“Hi.” He says back. Both of your friends immediately noticing the connection between the two of you.

“So, I’m Hannah, this is my boyfriend Sam, and that fool is Charlie!” Hannah says breaking the silence and yours and Charlie’s eye contact.

“I’m Y/N, and she is Morgan.” You say pointing to Morgan and then reaching your hand out to shake everyone’s hand.

Once your hand reaches for Charlie’s, sparks fly up through your arms. Which you both try to ignore but can’t.

“So how about that game?” You ask a big smile on your face which takes Charlie’s breath away.

Everyone nods and then the game initiates. All five of you enjoying each other’s company and getting to know each other.

After a few rounds of the game, everyone was feeling a little tired. The beating sun taking a lot of energy from everyone.

That’s why you offer them a snack and some drinks. You didn’t want the hanging out to end, more specifically you didn’t want Charlie to leave.

The energy between the two of you a lot more awkward than the energy between everyone else. But it seemed like neither of you could get enough of each other, constantly stealing glances at one another.

“I have to be honest real quick,” Hannah says, pausing after taking a bite of her sandwich. “That song you were playing, Charlie sings that so I had to come over here.”

You choke on your food. “No shit, really?” You ask, causing everyone to laugh at your face and your struggle to get it out.

“Ya, really.” He says. You move to slightly hit him, loving the feeling of his skin on yours.

“Why didn’t you guys say anything at first? That’s so embarrassing!” You laugh.

“Well Charlie here thought it would be embarrassing to come talk to the pretty girl listening to his song and telling her.” You blush at her words and Charlie sends her a death stare.

“I just thought it would be weird, I don’t know,” Charlie says trying to ignore the heat that makes its way onto his face, “Besides it’s not just my song!”

“Ooo intrigue, tell us more!” Morgan interjects. You nodding your head yes in agreement.

“Ah okay.” Charlie says, “Technically it’s a band that I play in. I got a job on this netflix show called Julie and The Phantoms, in the show I play in a band called Sunset Curve and the song you were listening to is the bands!” He says explaining it all.

“Ohhh, I know that show! Josie talks about it all the time!” You say. “She says her favorite character is I think Reggie?”

“Ya that’s another character in the band!” Charlie says.

“Okay cool! Ya she says and I quote, that while Reggie may only have two functioning brain cells she would let him ruin her life any day!” You say laughing, Charlie laughing along.

The two of your friends watching the two of you engage with one another, they could practically see the sparks flying.

“She would be jealous of me so much right now if she knew that I was with you!”

“Well how about we take a picture and send it to her?” He asks you. You immediately go to search for your phone, finding it under your shirt.

You open up your camera and lift it to get your faces in the frame. The both of you noticing the space in between you, which looked awkward in the photo.

Charlie hesitantly moves closer to you, your thighs touching, and moves his arm to go around your waist. You suck in a breath at the feeling of his hand on your hip.

“This okay?” He asks looking at you. He was so close, your faces practically touching. You could smell the mix of the beach and after shave coming off of him.

You nod your head yes, then move back to face the camera. “Say cheese!” Then click, you’ve got the photo.

You quickly send it to Josie with a message, excited to see her reply. You open up your photos to get a better look at the photo after you sent it.

Both yours and Charlie’s hair wet, sticking to your faces. Charlie is sporting a big smile, his eyes closed. You’re sporting a smile just as big, with your head tilted into his.

“Wow, you look beautiful.” Charlie says breathlessly looking at your phone. You had forgotten he was there. You’re now even more aware of how close the two of you were, neither of you moved from your position after the photo.

“Oh, thanks!” You say looking down and blushing. This was the first time all day that Charlie had heard you talk so quiet and less confident.

A shiver runs down your spine, you hadn’t noticed the temperature change or the sun starting to set. Neither of you seemed to notice that your friends had disappeared, opting to go on a walk for a little to leave you two alone.

Charlie notices you shivering. “Hey you cold?” He asks.

You nod your head, “Ya a little. I should have a jacket in that bag.” You say pointing to the one next to him.

He moves his arm from around your waist, skin brushing against yours again causing another shiver. He opens the bag but doesn’t see a jacket.

“There’s not jacket in there.” He informs you.

“Oh shit.” You say, “I always forget something!” You shrug, this wasn’t the first time it happened and knowing you it won’t be the last.

“Well here!” Charlie says while grabbing his own black jacket to hand to you.

“No Charlie, I couldn’t! What if you get cold?” You say pushing the jacket closer to him.

“I’m fine Y/N, I’m Canadian this California weather has nothing on me!” He says shoving the jacket back to you.

“You sure!” You ask hesitantly grabbing onto the jacket. Once you get a nod of approval, you’re on your feet pulling the hoodie over your head and letting it drape down to your thighs.

Yet again you’ve left Charlie breathless and in a daze.

“You look really cute in my jacket.” Charlie says, this compliment comes out more confident.

A blush makes its way onto your cheeks.

“Thank you!” You say back, opting to sit back down in your spot next to him.

“So why don’t you tell me a little more about you since it looks like our friends won’t be back soon!” You say leaning back to rest on your arms, Charlie following suit.

The next hour or so is spent filled with laughter and conversation. Both you and Charlie enjoying each other’s company. As time passes Charlie gets more confident in his flirting with you, loving to watch the blush creep up on your cheeks.

“Well you’re quite the flirt now aren’t you?” You laugh after Charlie’s last comment.

“Only for a beautiful girl like you.” He fires back just as quick as ever, which causes you to shake your head.

“Hey Y/N! You ready to head home?” You heard Morgan yell to you as she walks back up to your area of towels; pulling your attention away from Charlie and his compliments.

You look down at your watch, it was 7 PM. You didn’t notice the day fly by.

“Oh ya! I didn’t realize how late it was.” You say, getting up.

Charlie, Hannah, and Sam help you and Morgan get your things together. You guys tried to stop them but they refused, wanting to help you guys bring the stuff back to your car.

Charlie did so just for the extra time with you and Hannah knew her best friend and went along with it.

Once you had the car packed up, it was time for the goodbyes. You were a little sad, not wanting the day to end and have to say goodbye to your new friends. More specifically Charlie.

“Well it was nice meeting you guys! Maybe we could do this another time, Morgan you’ve got my number!” Hannah says pulling you into a hug and then Morgan. Sam following her lead.

Then the two of them make their way over to their car which they already have packed with their stuff.

“It was nice meeting you too Charlie!” Morgan says pulling him into a hug and then hopping into the driver’s seat. “I’ll give you two a minute.” She says while doing so and sending you a wink.

The wink causing you to both blush and look down.

You notice that you’re still wearing Charlie’s jacket and go to take it off. Charlie stops your hands as they go down to lift it off your head, “Keep it.” He says with a smile.

“No, I can’t do that! Besides you’ll need it, I’ll be warm in the car.” Again you move to take it off and he stops you.

“It’s fine Y/N, besides it gives me a reason to see you again.” He says stepping closer to you, he still has your hand in his.

“Do you think maybe I could get your number?” He asks you. You nod your head yes, almost too excited while grabbing your phone from your pocket, unlocking it, and handing it to him.

Charlie fumbles around with it for a minute before he locks it and puts it back in your pocket. He reaches to grab your hand again.

“Well it was nice meeting you Y/N.” He says, your chests touching and faces just inches from one another.

“It was nice meeting you too Charlie.” Big smiles are on both of your faces as you both look into each other’s eyes so close to one another.

Charlie breaks your eye contact for a brief second, letting his eyes drop to your lips and then back up to your eyes. You let your eyes do the same.

A breath catches in your throat as you notice Charlie start to lean in closer, you don’t move an inch and you hold your breath.

He stops just centimeters from your lips, “Is it alright if I kiss you?” His lips slightly brush yours with every word. All you can do is nod your head yes.

Then in a split moment his lips are on yours. He has your bottom lip between his two, your lips moving in sync with one another for a sweet kiss.

The moment ends too soon in your opinion, not wanting the feeling of his lips to leave yours.

He steps back to put a small amount of space between the two of you,

“Well it was nice meeting you Y/N, I will be seeing you soon.”

Matching smiles on both your faces.

“Oh really? You sound pretty confident about that Gillespie.” As much as you were excited about his words, you wanted to give him a hard time about it. You liked the look on his face when you teased him.

“Yes really, don’t fight it.” He says while laughing. You laugh along with him.

“Then I will be seeing you soon!” You say with a smile.

“Good.” Charlie says back with a smirk. To which you respond back with a “good” as well.

And with that he leans in and places one more kiss on your lips and pulls you into a hug.

“I’ll see you around.”

Then he’s off and on his way back to his car, leaving you breathless and in a daze. Before he hops in the car, he looks back at you and sends you a wink.

You smile largely and then turn to hop into the passenger seat. Morgan giving you a knowing look.

“Shut upppp.” You tell her laughing and rolling your eyes, all she does is hum back at you with a smile.

Your phone dings after a few minutes of riding in the car in silence. You look down to see the name Charlie with a heart next to it, you smile at the name.

You unlock your phone to see Charlie’s message confused because you saw a message from you to Charlie that you do not recall sending.

It was the photo of the two of you. He had sent it to himself.

You smile at the photo and then smile bigger at his message.

“That’s a pretty good-looking couple if I say so myself. How about a date tomorrow night?”

Who knew a day off at the beach could lead to this.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 6/?

Word Count: 2.6-2.7k idk exact

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your name, A/N - Any name (your best friend’s name)

MUSIC IS INCLUDED THIS TIME! Please enjoy my personal music playlist, or at least a snippet of it.

TO THE PERSON WHO REBLOGGED AND SAID THIS WAS CUTE (at least the first part) you straight up made me cry omfg

Warnings: Swearing, gets really fucking heated at the end (no sex, yet), no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Outfit Context:

Y/N:

Jason:

(Cause I finally found an outfit I liked on the boy, men’s fashion isn’t my strong suit,,, heh :) )

“Sorry, is my mouth hung open?” he asked.

“Yes, sir. Very much so,” she mocked.

Jason closed his mouth and outstretched his hand for Y/N’s, cupping it with both hands and kissing the top of it.

“You just look so lovely, Y/N.”

“And you’re chivalrous, Jay. Now, should we get going?” she asked, putting her free hand on top of his two.

“Yes, let’s go,” he let one of his hands go of hers and lead her to the Porsche he brought with him, not intertwining his fingers with hers.

He opened the passenger’s side door and let Y/N get in, not letting go of her hand til the last moment he could hold it. He got in an turned on the radio,

It felt like a good night, for dancing in the moonlight,

In empty streets, well, everybody's got a reason why,

If we could only just get it right,

Maybe it will all work out like in the movies,

But I know Romeo must die before the ending,

With a final poison kiss delivered gently,

Because you don't get lucky twice, and that's the truth,

“Sing to me sweet just like my memory, 

If New York City Still moves me then I’ve found something real,

I’ll be okay, I could go on for days,

But I just don’t have the courage that it takes to be real,

And even if it’s dark at least we’ll be together,

Slowly sinking in the Earth to lay forever,

You better grab a hold and hold on for your life,

Because you don’t get lucky twice,

No, you don’t get lucky twice,” She sung with the tune.

Without the Bitter the Sweet Isn’t as Sweet - Mayday Parade

“You, you have the voice of an angel,” he said.

“It’s not that hard to mimic works of art with my voice.”

“Did you ever take singing lessons?”

“I did when I was younger, so I could sing French lullabies to my cousins.”

He placed a hand on her thigh as he drove them through the countryside of Gotham to Metropolis, taking the long way on what seemed like purpose. So he could encapsulate the moment in his memory for as long as he knew her and what she was to him. She was an adventure waiting to happen, a love story not yet written to tell for ages, a rock ‘n’ roll song written to please the masses in hidden corners of the world.

And to her, he was a masterwork of intertwining memories of pain, sadness, luck and beauty. A mind of complexity she was just waiting to dive into and see how it functioned. A story behind the white tuff of hair he had, why he was jacked to the masses if he was a book nerd. A story of his favourite book and his favourite sibling, his favourite trope, his love, his pain, him.

The moments where she stuck her hand out the window and traced symbols into the Autumn air swirling past the two as they cruised down the empty back roads. When he laughed as she sang Reste by GIMS and Sting. He didn’t understand the lyrics, but she did, and she called it a love song. Well, he got the parts Sting sung, but French wasn’t a language he knew like she did.

“I guess being Bilingual helped you out massively with that one, huh?”

“It’s a talent I never knew I needed, apparently.”

“Well, you did know you needed.”

“That’s fair,” she laughed, “ I guess I did always need it as a skill.”

“Do your cousins speak English too?” he asked.

“Yeah, a bit? It’s better English than my father.”

“Can he not speak English?”

“Well, he can, just not well. But my mother is also Bilingual in English and French so they never had to worry about my father being bad at English. My twin sister and I grew up knowing both languages,” she rambled, still playing with the wind, “I guess it’s a one-up I have on a lot of people, being able to just talk and talk in another language, travelling advantage,” she kept going, Jason intently listening to her as she went on and on, he liked the silence being filled by her voice, “You know? You might know, I don’t know how you were raised to a T,” she finished.

“Well, I can assure you I only know English so you have that theoretical one-up on me, too. But I choose to see that one-up as something you can teach me as time goes on and we progress,” he paused, “If you’re down to get serious eventually, that is,” he panicked.

“Well, maybe we’re at that point where we can say we’re casually seeing each other and exclusive, but not serious. Hopeful, but not pressuring ourselves into something that’s going to be put under a lot of pressure as we go on,” she said, still playing with the wind.

“We’ll see about that after dinner.”

“Where are we even going?”

“Fancy little restaurant with a balcony facing over the city,” he assured.

“Really out here living for the moments?”

“Well, most girls crack under the pressure of the paparazzi, you, however, flipped them off, and that’s being rewarded for showing that you can’t give a fuck about those dingy ass tabloids and how they treat you, by taking you out to nice places,” he said.

She laughed, “I’m glad I’m never going to live that one down, it was really fun to do.”

“I hope it continues as we go along, I would hate to see that behavior change when it brings a smile to everyone who’s ever been harassed by paparazzi” when they pulled over for a second, Jason quickly loosened his tie a tad, “Honestly, I want to ditch this fucking tie,”

“It’s not you,” she said, “It’s just not.”

“And you know me that well to take that guess?”

“I could see you struggling with it from a mile away, Jason. Maybe the fancy restaurant isn’t us,” she laughs, “But we aren’t going to not take that dinner date.”

“Oh we’re so going to take that date, but I’m thinking from here on out we do whatever the fuck we want, no fancy dates. Thoughts?” he asked.

“Done deal,” she said.

----------------------------

In the restaurant, the two of them were basically the worst people to be there, it was levels of fancy that neither of them actually wanted, they both wanted simplicity, but they both thought the presence of the other person was enough of a takeaway from the completely wrong choice of restaurant. They had Dick to blame for this one, and Jason made that clear to Dick in a joking text while Y/N snuck off to the bathroom to ‘fix her hair, she was actually checking her breath.

Dick, this fucking restaurant is a god damn bust, man. We aren’t you and Barbara, that’s what we’ve discovered today. lol.

Bummer! We really like that place.

I can see why it screams Dick and Barbs.

You kissed her yet though?

No.

Wuss! Cat got your tongue? Just do it, man.

And at the same time, Y/N was texting A/N about Jason and what to do,

Girl! Thank you so much for reminding me to bring mints, my god, food ruins your breath so much.

You really want the pretty boy kiss huh?

No, I’m eating the mints to not kiss him, YES I WANT THE KISS.

Ha! Honesty is key, just go for it.

She laughed as she packed her phone into her dress pockets (Yeah there’s fucking pockets :) ) and went to leave the restroom to meet up with Jason again. To which, Jason had already paid and tipped the waiter.

“I could have at least helped on the tip, Jay.”

“I tipped him 200%, but if you want to drop more cash, go for it.”

“You tipped that much?” she asked while slipping in a 50$ she had on her.

“Of course, food service workers deserve a lot more than what they get, especially when they have to deal with terrible customers,” he said as he went and grabbed her hand again, not intertwining fingers again, “And my best friend, Will, he complains about people who don’t tip and praises people who quote ‘over tip’ but I think that he deserves 200% each bill for the shit he puts up with.”

“Did you tip him when we went there?”

“No, I called in a ‘No questions asked’ favour. And before you say anything, he did the same to make me babysit his daughter-”

“Your best friend has a daughter?”

“Well, he’s older than me, but yeah, he’s a single dad because her mum kind of sucks, lovely little girl, I’m her godfather.”

“Does she call you Uncle Jason?”

“Well, Uncle Jay, it’s like one of the only works she knows how to say properly, and Dada,” he laughed, “Great little girl,” he said, nervously, “This doesn’t change anything, does it? ‘Cause if he, knock on fucking wood, lord forbids, dies that will be my daughter.”

“Well, he’s not dead and you’re not worrying that he’s going to die, so nothing has to change. God kids are god kids, noble that you took on your best friend’s kid if, lord forbid, anything happens to the man, really,” she assured.

He sighed and kissed the back of her hand, “Then that is just a gift on top of what I did,” he smiled and lead her back to the Porsche once again, opening the car door for her and she slightly turned on the radio, he let out a small laugh to himself, he got the pretty girl. He got into the Porsche again and began backing out.

“There’s something about ditching a really expensive dinner date that leaves you wanting more,” she said, absent-mindedly.

“What kind of more?” he asked.

“The kind you see in the movies, fully exposed and adventurous, you know?”

“Well, we could always sneak into the Wayne Manor Gardens and dance the night away under the stars like lovers do,” he half-joked, placing a hand on her thigh again and pretending like he did it subconsciously, but he was hyper-aware, especially when he caught her smile as she laughed.

“Wayne Manor? With your brothers, sisters, dad, and grandfather?” she paused, “If you’re serious, then no, not tonight. If you’re pulling my leg then, hell fucking no,” she joked.

“Maybe one day, then, huh?”

“One day, for sure. When it isn’t scary to accidentally run into your family on their property running around with you,” she said.

“Well, we can always go into the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom and dance the night away, no one should be in the office for a while and even then since there are no classes in the entire school tomorrow you can just hide out in my office if we stay too long,” he paused to make sure she was still listening, “Security can’t question me because I’m Bruce Wayne’s son, and security is tight as fuck so paparazzi can’t get to us,” he paused to put a little bit of pressure on her thigh, “What do you say? Can I have this dance, Milady?” he half-joked.

“You want to know something Jason?

“Always, Y/N.”

“I took dance lessons when I was younger, can you Waltz?” she asked.

“Yes ma’am, I can.”

“Then I’m in, let’s go.”

-------------------------------------

She loved the feeling of being back in her new hometown, Gotham. So when they pulled into the massive black building, she felt even more welcomed, security at the gates did ask ‘Who’s the girl?’ but Jason just explained it very easily,

“You know that date of mine that flipped off the press and you lot loved it?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” the man responded.

“You can call me Jason, you know that. But this is that girl.”

And they were let through the parking gates and into the underground parking system, they had to travel surprisingly far to Jason’s reserved spot in the lot, but the did get there before it hit AM. Once out of the car, Jason grabbed her hand and they ran into the building’s employees doors. It was a tight squeeze, but the feeling of Jason pressed so close to her sent chills down her spine. They went through many halls and reached the Ballroom, and entering it was like a dream for her.

Walls lined with intricate shapes and colours, but the colours never brought away from the stage at the far end from the door, the curtains seemed to redden with each step towards them, the 3, maybe 4 chandeliers hung above her like crystals in the ocean, it was amazing and beautiful. Checkered floorboards to give it a little bit of dimension, but it was the same colour as the main wall so your brain and eyes wouldn’t hurt after looking at it. It was stunningly beautiful and that’s what drew her in.

When he grabbed her hand and put on Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine, pulling her close to his chest and slowly Waltzing her around the room, spinning her when it felt right for him to do. Neither of them worried about the sloppiness or how it looked to the naked eye because it was for them. no one got satisfaction like they did at that moment. And grabbing her for one last dip was Jason’s goal when the ending of the song hit, although out of breath and his face stuffed in her chest as they both panted, he did pull her up so they were face-to-face on the dancefloor that they wiped clean.

“Did I tell you that you look stunning, Y/N?”

“I think you mentioned it a few times, Jay,” she said, staring directly into his eyes.

“Well, I mean it.”

“And I’m going to mean this,” she paused, taking her hand and placing it on his cheek, “ The way your eyes are a green-blue tint makes me lost in them, they’re like a sea of this mind I find myself liking more and more every day,” she paused to put her other hand on his other cheek, “And the way your nose and cheek freckles frame them is amazing.”

And he went for it. Somehow when he pressed his lips into hers, it felt like they were meant to match, and they both opened their mouths to play the coveted game of tongue-war, but they didn’t play by the rules, it was soft and sweet but full of passion and love, not lust. His hands would travel to her waist and lightly grip her, while her hands would travel to his neck and drape around the back of it.

They pulled away at the same moment to take in air, something they had clearly been missing as they were connected, they both let out a small chuckle before she put her hands in his hair and went in for round 2.

This time it was hungrier, and they both played with the shapes of the other so much more as time went on, he would grab her ass and she would pull on his hair slightly before he picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist and moved one of her hands to the nape of his neck, this time, they would break for seconds only to start moving towards his office, which, conveniently, had a couch.

To say he threw her on that couch would be an understatement, he fucking thrust her on that couch and climbed on top of her, it was like 3 days of passion and lust combined themselves in a matter of minutes from their first kiss to them meeting on the couch. They both knew deep down that it couldn’t escalate further than this, especially at 1 in the morning, but time moves fast when you’re connecting in this way.

They finally broke after their passionate exchange and he fell to her side and began to spoon her, “Worth it,” he whispered.

“Worth what?” she asked.

“It was worth it to take a chance and defy my anxieties to ask you on that first date.”

“I don’t like a reality where you didn’t ask me on that date.”

“Neither do I, and I’m positive of that.”

[sundaysundaes]

My Words, Your Thoughts (Teaser)

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut | Soulmate AU, Friends-to-Lovers AU

Part of the beautiful ‘Aubade’ collaboration hosted by @hyucksie​

Synopsis: As an introvert, you are familiar with the silence. Drowning yourself deep in your thoughts has been a habit you’ve become addicted to. Your life begins to change, however, ever since the day you turned twenty. Suddenly, there’s this song that’s stuck in your head, and no matter how much you yearn to hear your thoughts or be comforted by the silence, it keeps on playing. You only get to find the answer to your problem when a young, cute barista hands you a cup of coffee one day, with that song’s lyrics written on the side. And you realize that you’re not the only one who’s been hearing voices in your head.

Warnings: explicit sex, expletives, mentions of physical abuse and astraphobia (not for the main characters)

WC (Teaser): 4k

Release Date: June 27, 2021, 10 AM KST

It’s weird. It’s so weird.

It’s weird that you’ve been hearing this song replaying over and over again in your head when you’re sure you’ve never listened to it before. It’s also weird because sometimes the song sounds like the ones you often hear about on the radio—complete with instrumental accompaniment and everything—but most of the time, it just sounds like someone is humming to it. Sometimes quietly, but more often than not, vehemently like they’re having a concert in the shower, not caring if the neighbors might hear.

As someone who rarely listens to mainstream music, you don’t keep up with the trend these days but the tunes are catchy enough that you think, maybe, it’s one of those Justin Bieber’s songs people always talk about. You’re not fond of it, though, so even if you’ve heard it somewhere in a cafe or a mall, there’s very little chance you’ll be humming it in your head.

And yet, it keeps on playing.

It gets worse when it goes on for a whole day—a whole fucking day—that your brain feels like it’s seconds away from bursting into pieces. It doesn’t even sound like your voice. It seems like it belongs to a male, a bit light and a pitch higher than most. Though it sounds pleasant, the voice is unfamiliar to your ears and that’s what bothers you the most. 

Trying your best to escape, you plug in your AirPods to your earholes, choosing one of the most beloved tracks from your playlist—today, it’s Bloom by The Paper Kites—to help you relax as you lie down on your bed. But no matter how many times you turn up the volume—it’s practically turning you deaf, ironically—you can still hear that one goddamn song playing.

“Oh my God,” you groan, projecting a murderous glare at the ceiling of your room before you shriek all of your heart’s content to your pillow. “Make it stop!”

This has been going on ever since your twentieth birthday and it’s been three months since then—three months of suffering, to be exact. Fortunately for you, you haven’t been listening to the same song for those amount of time—God, you would’ve killed yourself if that was the case. The song changes without warning. It can change ten times within a day, or stay the same for ten days. You have never heard of these songs except for the popular ones, and even then, you only ever listened to snippets as they don’t suit your taste. 

So… It doesn’t make sense that you could recite the whole lyrics, does it? 

And yet, you can. 

Somehow, you already know every word, every tune, even every ad-lib in these songs and it both amazes and creeps you out. It’s as if somebody else is singing about it in their mind, and you, somehow, are mentally connected to them.

But that’s surely not the case, right?

With more days passing by, as your brain deteriorates little by little, you start to think that maybe that is the case.

Or maybe you’re just going crazy.

It’s nine in the morning and your eyes are bleary from how you involuntarily skipped sleep last night. With the loudest sigh and your half-charged MacBook sitting still in your backpack, you let your wobbly legs carry you to the nearest coffee shop. There’s a new Starbucks store opening just a couple of blocks away from your apartment and it’s perfect since you’re going to pass it every day on your way to college. 

You’re not excited though, not when you have Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror playing in your head for the, approximately, thirty-fifth time that day. And it’s only nine in the fucking morning.

When you enter the coffee shop, greeted by a cute Christmas tree and festive decorations spreading all over the place even when it’s still three weeks away from the holiday, you almost weep in joy when the song stops playing in your head. It does happen from time-to-time, sometimes it stops for a few hours before it starts again with the same song or an entirely different one. But in most cases, it only pauses for a few minutes which just doubles the torture whenever you’re trying to concentrate on your paperwork.

“Hi.” You display a timid smile at a female barista, slightly wincing when the song in your head starts blaring again, as expected. It’s still the same song this time—so that thirty-sixth by now, Jesus Christ—but instead of someone humming it, it’s the original version that plays. You’re having trouble focusing on her greeting when the sound of a synthesizer echoes through your ear, stridently so. “I would like a tall skinny latte with a double shot, please.”

“Would you like anything else to accompany your drink?”

Perhaps a gun to blow my head off? “No, thanks. That’d be all for me.”

“Is that for here or to go?”

You take a quick scan of your surroundings. You still have an hour before your first class starts and since the place isn’t that crowded, you figure you might as well just spend some time here. “For here.”

You tell her your name and slide down your card to complete the payment. “All right. We will call your name once your order is ready.”

“Fantastic. Thanks.” As the female barista takes an order from another customer, you drag yourself to an empty seat in the corner of the room, next to the glassy window where you can glance at passersby. You lay your head down on the table, cheek pressed against the wooden surface, lower lip jutting out in weariness. You’re drowsy and you want to think about the snow that’s probably gonna fall sometimes near Christmas’ Day and maybe the sight of a warm fireplace where you can cozy up with your imaginary boyfriend (also known as Jung Jaehyun—that one perfect boy who lives just across of your hallway), but no, unfortunately for you, you no longer have any space left in your brain since Michael Jackson is performing a damn concert and it doesn’t seem like he’s gonna stop anytime soon.

“I’m starting with the man in the mirror…” Great, now you’re singing it. “I’m asking him to change his ways…”

The music in your head abruptly stops again but before you can close your eyes to finally enjoy your silence, a familiar voice chimes in.

“It’s a great song, isn’t it?”

Shocked, you quickly lift your head to identify a male barista placing down a cup of your ordered latte on your table. You swear you recognize his voice but his face doesn’t ring a bell.

“Hi,” he greets, smiling a bit sheepishly. “I don’t usually bring orders directly to the table but I think I misheard your name so I couldn’t call you out from there.”

“That’s, umm, that’s okay…” You hide the bottom half of your face behind your scarf as you’re not used to talking to a stranger, especially one that looks overwhelmingly pretty. “What did you think my name was?”

“Umm…” He rubs the back of his nape awkwardly. “I don’t think you want to know. It was a bit… inappropriate.”

“R-right…” You glance at the cup. “It says ‘Michael.’”

He chuckles but with only a slight hint of amusement in it. “Yeah, sorry about that. I had to come up with something and it was the first thing that came to mind.”

“And it has…” Your eyes widen when you notice the words he’s written on the side of your cup. It’s not a greeting, it’s not a motivational sentence, it’s the fucking lyrics to Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror.

“Yeah, okay, so—” Noticing the appalled look on your face, he hurriedly tries to reason out. “I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day long—I just listened to it a minute ago while making your order—and the lyrics are just so inspirational so I decided to write that down. I hope that’s not too weird.” Then he laughs a little, a tad more genuinely this time. “But I heard you singing that song just now. What are the chances, right?”

You swallow hard. He’s been thinking about that song too? Listened to it a minute ago? What are the chances of this is happening? Is he the one whose voices I’ve been hearing in my head—

The male barista abruptly takes a step back, his tray nearly slipping out of his hold. He has a hand pressed against his ear, eyes blinking several times in disbelief. “Holy shit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You—” He splutters, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “I can’t believe it’s real.”

“What?” The way he seems like he’s looking at a ghost sends goosebumps all over your skin. “What is it?”

“Think about something.” 

“Umm—” What is he talking about?

This time he gapes, his jaw dropping low. “Holy shit, I can really hear you. Think about something else—think about me.”

“Look, I don’t know you and you’re being weird.” The sudden change of conversation baffles you but when his words sink in, you can’t stop yourself from thinking about him as he orders. He’s cute, his entire features are cute—you’ve noticed that from the first second you laid your eyes on him, but what catches your eyes the most is his lips—the way they’re shaped so beautifully, like a cupid’s bow—

“You’re thinking about my lips? Seriously?” He asks, but might as well splash cold water to your face. “If you said something about my eyes, sure, I mean, they are attractive. One might even say that God Himself took the stars from the sky and put them in my eyes—but my lips? Huh, that’s new.”

You loudly gasp when you’re finally aware of the situation, hands flying to your face to cover your gaping mouth. “You can hear my thoughts!”

“And you can hear mine too!” He points out, and as startled as you are from the previous realization, you instantly frown upon his words. 

“I don’t think so,” you reply. “I can only hear—”

“Donghyuck-ah!” Another barista comes to interrupt from the other side of the room. “We didn’t pay you to flirt, come back here!”

“I wasn’t flirting!” He shouts back, tips of his ears reddening. When he turns to you again, he has a prominent scowl on his face which makes you squirm on your feet. “We need to talk about this. My break is in an hour, do you think you can wait?”

It sounds more like an order than a request. “B-but I have a class in an hour.”

“Skip it.”

It takes all the strength in your body to be brave enough to retort back with, “Why don’t you skip your work?”

“I’m already half-done with my work, I can’t bail out now.” He rolls his eyes. Suddenly, his courteousness just vanishes without a trace. “Look, I’ve been hearing your thoughts for months now and I have a lot to complain to you about.”

You grimace. “It’s not like I can control my thoughts—”

“I know, I’m not blaming you.” He picks up the tray, his gaze softening but only slightly. “I just want to complain. You’ve been driving me crazy these past few months.”

You glance away, pouting. Wow, he surely knows how to befriend a stranger.

“I can hear you, you know.” He sighs as if talking to you is exhausting, when it should be the other way around. “Look, I’m sure you’ve been going through the same thing. Don’t you want this to stop?”

You’re not wasting any second. “Yes, please.”

“Then wait for me. We’ll talk this through.” He pivots on his heels, his tray glued to his side. When you can finally breathe properly, exhausted from the social interaction as you sink back to your seat, the barista—Donghyuck—adds, “Oh, as you wait. Can you please stop thinking about my lips? Or just how cute I am in general? It’s sweet but I gotta concentrate so I won’t write another Michael on my next order.”

You slam your forehead down the table, face aflame. “I-I’ll try.”

“Thanks.”

***

“You just can’t stop thinking about my lips, can you?” Is the first thing Donghyuck states out as soon as he’s approached your table. He runs a hand through his brown hair, which looks out-worldly fluffy that you begin to wonder what kind of hair product he’s been using. “Or my hair.”

Mortified, you mumble out, “I’m sorry,” with half of your face covered by your hands. The more I try not to think about his lips, the more I do—shit, is he hearing this too—

“Yes,” Donghyuck says, but this time with an amused smile. “Man, I didn’t know my lips were that appealing to ladies. You’re gonna make me blush.”

Well, he’s making you blush for sure. “Would it be too much to ask for you to stop listening to my thoughts?”

“Believe me, woman, I’ve tried.” He groans, taking his apron off before he sits in front of you. He loosens up his collar, unbuttoning two buttons of his white shirt—which is two more than necessary to your liking—and you have to gaze away before another thought forms inside your head about a certain part of his body. 

“Sorry if I came on too strong before. I’m Lee Donghyuck,” he introduces formally, offering you his hand. You reply with your name but you’re reluctant to shake his hand since you’re sure you’re breaking into a cold sweat, and an overly sweaty palm doesn’t really scream attractive—

“It’s literally just a handshake,” he says, stifling down a laugh. “I’m not gonna start judging you about it. You’re cute, sweaty palms or not.”

You nearly choke. “If I can’t ask you to stop listening to my thoughts, can you please be quiet about them?”

“That’s also impossible since talking is an integral part of my charm.” He leans back to his chair. “I’m pretty good with my mouth.”

That was… a poor choice of words, you think, as you stare at his lips and can’t help but wonder what can that mouth do other than talking. You take a bite of the bagel you just ordered, desperately trying to avert your attention.

“It wasn’t a poor choice of words.” He winks. “I did mean that in every way possible.”

This time, you really are choking.

“Okay, so what’s happening to us?” Donghyuck questions, after you manage to shed a tear or two during your attempt in relieving your throat. “Why have I been hearing your thoughts? I don’t even know you.”

“Same here.” You’re still going through a hard time keeping eye contact with him, but with more seconds passing by—and him pronouncing every bit of your thoughts out in the open—the knots inside your chest begin to loosen. “Ever since I turned twenty, I’ve been hearing these songs playing in my head that I’d never even heard of.”

“Never heard of?” Donghyuck snorts. “What, you never listen to Billboard’s top forty?”

You weakly shrug. “I prefer indie music better. Or instrumentals.”

“I would say that you have a soul of an old lady but the way you’ve been thinking about my lips reminds me of my sister who’s going through puberty.”

“Okay, this isn’t fair.” You shake your head, ashamed and tired of being humiliated over something you can’t fix. “Why can you hear my thoughts but I can’t hear yours?”

“Believe me, you’re much better off this way.” His face contorts in pain which makes you feel somewhat sorry if he’s not constantly being an ass about it. Hearing your insult, he notes, “Also, I’d prefer to be called with terms of endearment in the future, if that’s okay with you. Something like Babe or Darling.” The way he raises his eyebrow is just strictly illegal. “And in return, I’ll call you Sweetheart.” But before you can say anything—or run toward a running bus to put an end to this endless humiliation—he questions, “Wait, when you hear the songs I’ve been thinking in my head, does it sound like the original version of the song, or like me singing it?”

Finally, a proper conversation. “If you’re listening to the actual music, I can hear the original song as if I’m hearing it through my headphones. But when you’re just thinking about it, well, I‘ve never heard you sing, but,” you decide to tease him back—which startles you from how blatant you’re being. “From how amateur and pitchy this voice sounded in my head, I think I’ve been hearing yours.”

“Cute.” He scrunches up his nose. “Okay, let’s try again. Can you hear what song running through my head now?”

You stiffen, sitting in silence. After a few seconds pass by with only you exchanging stern stares at each other, your eyes gleam with a spark of hope. “Wait, I can’t hear you. Does this mean it stops? Because we’ve met in person?”

“Sadly no, because I was just thinking about how silly you looked when you choked over your food earlier.” He chuckles to himself and sends you another wink when you degrade him in your head. “Okay, let’s try again.”

“For real this time?”

“For real this time, Sweetheart.” He closes his eyes, holding back a smile when he catches how you flinch a little at his pet name for you. This time, you really do hear him humming inside your mind. “Don’t tell me by words,” he immediately adds, “Just think about them.”

Heaving a sigh, you close your eyes too. I’ve heard this song somewhere.

“If you’ve never heard about this song, I will literally cry and apologize to the world on your behalf.”

Be quiet, please, I’m trying to concentrate.

“Worried that you’d be thinking about my lips again?”

You almost fall from your seat. Almost. Okay, you’re singing to… You knit your eyebrows together as you provide your best effort to remember the tunes. You’re singing to Super Mario Bros theme song?

“Correct.” He taps his fingers to the table, simpering. “This is actually pretty cool. We can be, like, partners in crime or something.”

You shudder. “Please don’t tell me you’re an actual criminal.”

“If looking this handsome is a crime then I am, yes. Guilty as charged.” He makes a kissy face when you think about throwing the rest of your bagel to his head. “You look like someone who writes fan-fiction about their idols having sappy first kisses in your spare time but you’re actually pretty wild in your head, aren’t you?” He loves seeing your reactions, you know that, so you give your all in trying to act nonchalant. “Now, let’s try again. Did you bring your headphones with you?”

You check your coat’s pocket. “I got my AirPods.”

“Perfect. Put them on and play something from your phone.” As someone who’s pretty carefree, he can get serious at times. “Play as loud as you can until you feel like you’re going deaf.”

“I’ve tried that many times.” You nearly wail at the memory. “But it’s hard to drown your voice since it comes from inside my head.”

“Yeah, I know that. I’ve been hearing your thoughts too, remember? Don’t you think I would at least try something like that?” You narrow your eyes menacingly at him but he simply waves you off. “Anyway, that’s not what I’m trying to do. Put them on and you’ll see.”

He’s ordering you around. He just met you and he’s ordering you around. Socializing with people in general already zaps your energy pretty quickly, so socializing with a brat—

“I’ll grow on you, don’t worry.” He smirks and you take a mental note to really learn how to control your thoughts this time.

You follow his lead, as requested, connecting your AirPods to your phone and play something relaxing—because God knows how desperately you need it—as loudly as you can bear. Okay, go try… whatever it is that you want to try.

He smiles and shifts slightly on his seat, facing the window. His eyes glimmer under the light when he parts his lips, mouthing some words—no, singing something that you can’t hear.

Wait. I can’t hear?

Donghyuck glances at you, a grin breaking further on his lips upon hearing your thought. He gestures to you to take your AirPods away and you nod. Vacation Manor’s You promptly fades as his voice enters, and it’s weird because you’ve heard him sing in your head so many times yet it doesn’t do justice to how beautiful he sounds in real life.

It’s almost angelic, the sound he makes, which is kind of ironic for a little devil that he is. His honeyed voice is soothing, almost like the patter of rain on your window at dawn, lulling you back to sleep. You’re no expert in music but to you, he sounds impeccable that you run out of words to describe how pleasant his voice is to your ears. It’s so distinct, soulful—

Donghyuck giggles. “Thanks.”

—and annoying. “Okay, so what happened?” You try to divert the topic. “I can’t hear you when you’re singing out loud, but I can hear it when you’re thinking about a song?”

“I guess so.” He furrows his eyebrows, deep within his thoughts. “I figured it out when I couldn’t hear your thoughts whenever you spoke out loud. I think we can work from this?”

“So instead of thinking about what I have to say, I should focus more on saying what I want to say?” You shake in horror. “I don’t think I can do that.”

“What, you don’t like talking?”

“I’m…” You swallow your breath. “I’m not really good at that.”

“You’re talking to me just fine now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, because you make it so easy.”

“Aaw,” he purrs, a lopsided smile painting his face. “Thanks, Sweetheart.”

“No.” You hold up a hand. “I mean, since you can hear my thoughts, I have no other choice but to speak. Also, you seem like you’re the type who just says whatever that comes to mind without worrying too much about my feelings—”

“Hey, now you’re just making me sound rude—”

“You are rude,” You emphasize. “But it works well with me because then I don’t have to hold myself back and pretend to be somebody else.”

“Why do you have to pretend?” He frowns. “Because you’re afraid people are gonna hate you? Judge you on your words?”

“It’s…” You look away, nibbling on your bottom lip. “I just… I’m trying to be a good person so people will like me—”

“I like you,” he says casually as if he was talking about having a cute Pomeranian as a pet, and there you are, almost fainting in your seat. “I mean, in the last forty minutes I’ve known you, I think you’re great the way you are. You don’t have to be good, you just have to be you.” He shifts closer, crossing his arms on the table, and lays his chin on them, gazing up at you with a soft smile that doesn’t match well with his previous attitude. “Don’t you think it’s great if people accept you the way you are?”

You hurriedly take a sip of your coffee, pretending to swallow even if it’s already empty. “You’re… not so bad yourself.”

“What was that?”

“Okay, well I think I should go.” There’s no way you’re gonna repeat that. Donghyuck titters, taking a hold of your wrist when you’re about to stand up from your seat.

“We still have loads to talk about.” You observe the way his fingers linger around your arm, his sun-kissed skin feels silky smooth against your own. “Why don’t we have lunch together? My treat?”

“D-don’t you have work to do?”

“I’ll make an excuse.” 

A barista with the word Jeno written on his name tag walks by and slaps Donghyuck on the back of his head as if it’s something he’s done on a daily basis—probably is. “You’re not going anywhere, asswipe, get back to work.”

When the brunette boy turns to you, he winces. “Or maybe you can give me your number so we can meet up later?”

***

A/N: I’m both nervous and excited for this as this is my first collaboration. Thank you so much, Denise, for having me on this wonderful collab!