#my perspective on this is just. oh. this is such an idealistic way to gain knowledge i will cherish this privilege

[lilacerull0]

it's fascinating how sometimes while you're studying you feel like you aren't getting anywhere then you wake up the next day and realise you've memorised more than you've given yourself credit for

[swinging-through-the-stars]

*beats down your door like weirdo Big Bird* SPEAK TO ME OF YOUR SITH!LUKE AU, LAY IT ON ME, go Charlie conspiracy from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on me

OH MY GOD you know EXACTLY the image of how I've been feeling for so long about this especially in the past week you are IN FOR IT

Since your question is so broad, I'm just going to dump all the very basics, the core of the AU in my mind if you will, which honestly might be the best starter for anyone who's interested in this concept that's been rattling around my brain.

I started making the AU in 2021 mostly as a joke or fun concept, and the Lego Star Wars Terrifying Tales of that year that had a bit of Luke joining the Empire just added to the flames.

Soon I was thinking about that "what-if" thread -- what IF Luke was a part of the Empire? What if he grew up there? What WOULD his relationship with Vader be like? What about everyone else? What about the Force?

I based a lot of the story on my head on the canon events of the Original Trilogy and Mandalorian (mostly season 1-2). I pull a little bit from Legends (especially since I've been reading through Timothy Zahn's Thrawn trilogy) and from my own Dinluke obsession because -- uh this is MY AU and if I want Dinluke to happen it'll happen. I've even thought about where the AU would go in the Sequel Trilogy timeline because I do like the Sequel characters, and by then the AU has changed so much that I basically do what I want.

A lot of what I think about has less to do with the trajectory of the war in the galaxy and more about who Luke Skywalker would even BE if he were raised to go down the path of the Dark Side -- and how his relationships with his friends, family, etc. would change or stay the same.

The point in time where the AU basically starts is when Luke is taken by the Empire as a baby and raised by Darth Vader to become his apprentice. Luke spends his life idolizing his father, almost to an unhealthy amount. He's a mold of Vader and JUST VADER, and yet, somewhere down the line, Luke begins to carve out his own destiny, his new sense of self creating tensions with his father.

These tensions meet their peak when Luke and Leia cross paths. Their meeting sets them both off on journeys of self-discovery, of questioning what family is, of finding their places in the galaxy's war, and of their relationships with the Force. The Death Star funnily enough is what brings them together and drives a wedge in their relationship from the very beginning. Luke for a while had been growing a disdain for Palpatine and his idea of "might makes right", his interpretation of the Dark Side of the Force that Luke fundamentally disagrees with -- because at the core of him, despite the changes, Luke still is an idealist at heart, he still has HOPE and trust in the Force that no one else has. When he finds his lost sister, sees that Palpatine uses his power to destroy Alderaan, all that Leia had, it's the final nail in the coffin for him. Leia grows up very similarly the way she had in canon, though meeting with Luke leads her to question what family is meant to mean to her. She gains an intense curiosity of the Force, of the powers she has, because she sees how it affects Luke's perspective, a way of seeing the universe at war that she can somehow understand. Because she eventually walks the path of the Jedi, alone, she struggles with the responsibilities of holding the New Republic together, protecting her friends/family like Han and Chewie, and finding herself and her part in the Force in the midst of ALL of that, mirroring the same kind of struggle that Luke goes through as well. It's VADER in particular that keeps the twins at arms length. To Luke, he is the man that is everything Luke looked up to his whole life, the only family he had, and a victim of Palpatine's control, who he knew they both hated. To Leia, Vader is the man that willingly acted as an arm of power for Palpatine's war, the man that held her back on the Death Star as it destroyed the only home and family she knew.

Luke spends a lot of time trying to fix the wrongs of the Empire against Leia, and Leia sees this, and she knows that Luke has a core of GOOD in him somewhere. However, he can't let go of Vader, he can't let go of the Dark Side of the Force, and Leia cannot sit well with that.

After that, a lot of what I'm interested in is post-Palpatine's defeat, when Luke takes over and makes a new empire from the ground up (The Neo Galactic Empire). He's fixated on renewing the Sith religion, in negotiation versus acts of force, in finding more of his family history, in letting the Empire heal as the Force intends. He wants to be a conduit, not a controller, of the Force, even from the Dark Side. He becomes attached to all of it, and slowly, it consumes him. This is basically the part in the story where I make a lot of stuff up as I want to, like with Din and Grogu becoming a part of Luke's life, Leia's journey as a Jedi and Council-Member of the New Republic, and the outlying Imperial Remnant that remains a threat to both the New Republic AND the Neo Empire.

Through all of this I'm also interested in dissecting the Dark Side of the Force itself, how someone as idealistic as Luke Skywalker would interpret or mold its ways, especially when it comes to power and attachments, and how Luke uses this knowledge in his rule, his relationships, and later, his own teachings.

Later in his life Luke really starts to become a whirlwind of questions of who he is. How much of himself is the Force? How much of himself is Vader? How much of himself is that undying light that lays dormant inside of him, the light that Leia continuously reminds him is there somewhere?

I've compared Sith Luke Skywalker multiple times to a red giant star, a star that quickly grows, trying to give off as much light and warmth as possible, but that scorches everything it touches, before its life ends in a destructive supernova and supermassive black hole. I'm tearing Luke Skywalker apart piece by piece, rebuilding him, seeing how much of him changes, what is left, what causes everything else to break down. It's also me having fun with what-ifs, with angst in relationships, with cool ideas with the Dark Side that I don't think normal Star Wars likes to touch.

AND THAT'S THE GIST OF IT.

I'm really slow at writing all of this in fic form proper, but I am glad I got around to putting everything down in an outline. I draw here or there too, anything that's creatively more my jam than writing just to get concepts out and formulate my ideas better.

BUT PLEASE--I always want to just talk more about it if anyone has any other specific questions or curiosities! And if anyone does want to read what I have gotten down so far, that's over HERE.

And again thanks for the ask @kuiilandtorch -- I haven't gotten an ask yet and I've been itching for one all week!! Hope you liked my lengthy overview!

[a-student-out-of-time]

There’s also the fact Kyoji that if you manage to pull this off, we need to be very careful about how this can be spread. Because you should know that there are those out there willing to massacre entire nations to get their hands on immorality or ageless if we are being realistic. Yes it’s being done to undo a bad mistake for now, but this type of technology is heavily sought after.

Oh yeah, of course. This process in general- even if I did somehow find a way to do it- would be a huge undertaking and there's bound to be more potential complications than I can even speculate right now.

What I can do is test the methods I'm aware of to see if they could have a combined cumulative effect on your body. Maybe then, with the right procedures, it could be possible, but I'd need to find a way to reduce your overall body mass in the process.

That sounds painful...

Pain is the least of your concerns in this case. But I'll do my best to make it as bearable as I can, I promise.

To be honest, even if I don't find a way, I'm sure someone will find the secret to immortality eventually.

But people have searching for thousands of years.

Yes, but they were using mercury and medicinal plants. I'm talking about genuine science, ways to affect cell division rates and allow for the perpetual restoration of telomeres.

It's really not that hard, which is also why I'm convinced it would never be kept secret by the elite. There's no magic elixir or fountain of youth behind it, it's just about altering the ways our DNA works. Anyone with enough resources and skill could do it.

Don't you think it could still be a problem?

Of course there'd be problems, but that's true of any new development. To be honest, though...I think I'd personally be okay with becoming immortal.

I think it would help me gain new perspective, not just to learn but to see and know what sort of legacy I'd have. We could travel to the stars in our lifetimes and see what's out there. Boredom really isn't as much of a concern when you have an open mind.

And I think that would be true for a lot of us. Immortality might help us stop being so short-sighted and start looking more toward the future, and especially give us the time we need to improve ourselves.

...

...

What?

Nothing, just...for someone who's had such a rough life, you're pretty idealistic about people.

It's...nice to hear that.

Yeah. I like hearing your thoughts.

Well...thank you both.

[cybernaght]

The Rebel/叛逆者: A Review of Sorts

After being only semi-invested in the Rebel, I ended up getting so into it in the final weeks of its release, I’ve shelled out on IQIYI premium just to get the final couple of episodes a few days earlier.

That’s right kids, it’s a Review of Sorts. Unfortunately, I could not find a translation of the novella the drama is based on, so will be looking at it as a separate entity. 

Most of this post is spoiler-free, however I have dedicated a few paragraphs at the end of it to discussing the final episode, as there are a few specific things about it I wanted to mention. There is a clear spoiler warning before that part.

If you don’t want to risk it, TL;DR version of this review goes something like this: Rebel is very decent, and positively one of the best things that I have seen to come out of China since I’ve jumped into that particular rabbit hole. It’s pretty well written, it’s very beautifully dressed and shot, and the cast is killing it. I thought it dropped the ball a little in post production, and I did not always love the pacing. Other than that, it’s incredibly decent, and well worth watching, unless communist propaganda really irks you, in which case stay very well away. 

I have been having many conversations with @supernovasimplicity​ all the way through watching this drama, so there are likely to be some thoughts here that are influenced by those. 

The story centers around Lin Nansheng, a struggling servicemen in the Guomingdang party. He has a great analytical mind, and absolutely no emotional capacity for his job. He has trouble handling violence, he is impulsive, he cannot speak to his superiors without bursting into tears, and has nothing even remotely resembling a poker face. And that is what makes this drama as enjoyable as it is. 

I don’t think Lin Nansheng’s journey would have been nearly as exciting had he started it from a place of competence. He botches up everything he touches because his big brain switches off the moment his emotions kick in. And so, when you see him grow in confidence, learn to control himself, learn to fake his smiles and compliments, you can’t help but feel a strange sense of pride. It also makes Lin Nansheng very likeable as a character for reasons other than Zhu Yilong’s ability to look like a bush baby.

It did take me a while to feel fully engaged with his performance - not because there is anything lacking in it, but just because it’s hard to be truly surprised by his choices after the exposure I have given myself to his work. That said, at about a half-way point I got charmed by him anyway, and there were quite a few scenes that were truly mesmerising. There were scenes where he broke out of the familiar mould of big unguarded eyes and fluttering wet eyelashes, and tried something that was not pretty: every time to a great success. I am hoping to see more of that in his future work. 

I really wanted to like the female lead, Zhu Yizhen, but unfortunately both the way she was written and the way she was performed by Tong Yao left me somewhat cold. It did not help of course that the screenplay ended up sidelining her at every turn, leaving her with very little personal agency. She was set up so interestingly, but in the end her sole purpose became being someone for Lin Nansheng to pine over. It is particularly curious from a perspective of meta storytelling: seeing how this is all centered around superiority of communism, which as a whole was, arguably, ahead of its time in the matters of binary gender equality.

The ensemble cast of the drama is stunning. Wang Yang came very close to  stealing the show at several points as Chen Moqun, somehow managing to make his rather unlikeable character interesting. I can say the same thing about Zhu Zhu who absolutely shined as Lin Xinjie, showing an incredible range and imagination in her performance.

The overarching story of the show is engaging, with some incredibly suspenseful elements; every narrative arc including a nice progression through it. As spy thrillers go, it was fairly well plotted. You could if you go looking for a few things that did not pay off in a satisfying way (notably, the Chekhov’s cyanide capsule), but you overall the story really was well told for the most of it. 

I did, however, feel like the pacing started to fall apart in the last quarter of the drama. Last episode in particular really did feel rushed, not just due to its pace, but also in a way it failed to pay off the final mission in any visible way. There will be more on that in the spoiler section of this post.

Important to note that The Rebel is a show made in Communist China in the year 2021. It does not ideologically side-step from the path that was laid out for it by that fact. Which is to say, it is, undeniably, filled with propaganda. Communists are the good guys, and if you think a good guy (or gal) is not a communist, they probably secretly are. With one exception of a friendly character who is not a communist, and whose fate we actually never find out. Curious, that. 

The Rebel is not a kind of a show where censorship-appeasing scenes are shoehorned in. It’s a kind of a show in which the main theme is Sacrifice For the Party.

Aside from the being the moral vector of the show, Mao’s gentle teachings explicitly help get Ling Nansheng out of prolonged depression following his injury, and almost annoyingly, this sat incredibly well with the character, as he was written. Lin Nansheng is conceived as this naive idealist who wants to be on the front line, who needs validation and support of others. His - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - his being disillusioned in his beliefs and choosing to join a party which includes people whom he likes and trusts makes sense. Him finding this one thing that gives him hope and letting it propel him into gaining confidence and competence makes sense. 

In many ways, the Rebel is a story of Lin Nansheng’s failure to become an antagonist within the world of the drama.

I have honestly spent this past couple of weeks pondering whether being well written makes political propaganda better or worse, whether the subtlety of it makes it more or less palatable, whether it’s enough, as a viewer, to be aware of it to shrug it off. Ultimately, this is not something I could or should make moral judgements on, but I do believe that it’s possible to acknowledge the fact that propaganda exists in the drama, and still appreciate it for a good piece of television that it is. 

That said, I am very well aware that me being kind of okay with it stems entirely from my own removal from the culture this is made in, and I am, perhaps, lucky to even have a choice as to whether I want to engage with a product which is, undoubtably, here to dress political ideology in fancy clothes.

I have, on the other hand, also seen many things in Russian media of the “Annexation of Crimea is Good Actually” variety and those make me feel very unwell, so feeling somewhat at ease with blatant political propaganda in Chinese media makes me the biggest hypocrite.

But, I digress.

Before we go into some specific plot-related things, I would like to mention that the Rebel has this weird dichotomy in which the production is sublime, and the post-production… not so much. The show very well shot. Every element of it sits perfectly together, not a single prop out of place, not a single extra underdressed, not a page of script not put to good use. It’s lit to perfection. It’s scored beautifully. So much of this show is just stunning.

And then… there is post-production. 

This is not even about bad CGI (and the CGI is, indeed, bad), it’s just that most of post-production as a whole feels rushed.

Starting with surprisingly imperfect editing, which at times just fails to make the scene flow together. The final line of dialogue would be spoken within a scene, and it would fade to black instantly without a single breath to indicate a full stop. A montage sequence would be created, but every shot within it condensed to a second, making it feel incredibly fast-paced when the effect should be the opposite. There would be a cut away from a speaking character and to the same speaking character from a slightly different angle, making it dynamic without any reason to do so. There are a couple of truly startling jump-cuts.

I did not speed this gif up. This is part of a romantic montage, edited like it’s a goddamn action sequence.

And of course dear old friend slowing down footage shot at 24FPS. Please don’t do this. You think no one notices - but we do.

There are other tell-tale signs of production rushing to the finish line: occasional, but very noticeable ADR glitches, very sloppy job done at sound mixing, which contribute to parts of the show feeling ever so slightly off.

It’s not unforgivable, but it does make me wish the same amount of care and efforts that went into shooting this drama would also go into it after it was all in the can. 

Oh, and just because if you know me you know I have a professional fixation on fights, and I am happy to say most action scenes are toe-curlingly delightful. Hot damn those fights are good. I am absolutely in love with the shot below, for example. Placing an actor behind a piece of set so he can exchange places with the stunt double during a one shot is such an old trick, but the execution, timing and camerawork are just... flawless. This is what perfection looks like.

Now we got all that out of the way...

SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES FINALE BELOW

Here’s the thing. I wanted to love the ending and I found that I could not.

The final mission was presented as important, and honestly the scene in which Zhu Yizhen is sending the vital message out as Lin Nansheng holds his ground in hand to hand fight is incredibly dynamic. Party, this is due to the fight itself being incredibly well choreographed, yes, but it’s also where it sits within the narrative, how high the stakes are for everything surrounding it. 

But then, the tension all but bleeds out. The Important Message is sent, the fight is won, and we are treated to ten minutes of a very slow car chase, problem of which is not even its speed as much as its placing within the story. As in, by this point both of those operatives have lost their cover, and completed their Very Important Mission. It would be very sad if they died, but their survival does not technically contribute to their cause. Moreover, Zhu Yizhen getting mortally injured in order to protect Lin Nansheng as part of her mission read a little empty when the mission is technically over. 

While I personally found Lin Nansheng slow recuperation and his low key ending enjoyable, I think I would have preferred to have seen a more tangible pay-off to all the sacrifices made in the name of “bright communist future”, just a little more justification for every moment of death and despair we witnessed. I would have certainly at the very least preferred to see Wang Shi’an’s death on screen. Considering how many likeable characters martyred themselves on screen, denying us the death of the one antagonist just seemed cruel. 

I really did love the ambiguity of the final few scenes however, if we consider the children choir at the end a fantasy. The idea that Lin Nansheng will live out his life in this hope that Zhu Yizhen is still alive, imagining her just outside of his field of vision, his only joy being in this fantasy of her… now, that is incredibly strong. I equally like the idea of rest being promised to him at the end of his journey, and said rest being painful, and slow and unwelcome.

But it felt like as they chose not to to lean into the “sweet” part of the bitter-sweet tone of the ending and we’re unable not commit to the “bitter” part either, so it lands with a splat which is somewhat lacklustre. 

---

This concludes my thoughts on the Rebel. 

I am more or less out of Zhu Yilong’s filmography to watch, which is probably a good thing at this point. I have just emerged out of several back to back work projects - literally today - and will hopefully once more have time for things I grew to enjoy doing during the lockdown. 

Those things, if you have not guessed, include watching Chinese television and writing things about Chinese television. 

[solomonish]

Hii I saw astrology and divination talk and got curious! If you are into it, do you have any even vague headcanon of what Solomon's relevant(?) placements could be? This topic always makes me go 👀 and its funny that even ancient demons got their lil sun sign listed on their profiles lmao.

Completely disregard this if u dont like astrology though oh 🙈😳 and also !!! hope you're having a nice day~💌

HELLLLLLLOOO my love I hope you meant big three signs because that's what I did lol! And no I did not BUT the moment I got the ask that prompted this I did wonder "hmmm what would Solomon's big three be?" and then this ask came in SO...I looked it up lol

I will warn you though that I don't know a lot about astrology other than my own sun sign (Aries) so this is all from a quick little search!! My descriptions of what they're about come from here so if it's wrong.........I tried <3

Solomon's Big Three

Explaining his Sun Sign - Sagittarius

starslikeyou describes Sagittarius like so:

"Born with the Sun in Sagittarius, you are gifted with an abundance of warmth, energy and positivity. Your sign is noted for a willingness to transcend the everyday by pushing boundaries, demanding freedom and seeking to explore unchartered horizons whenever possible. Your journey involves discovering all that is possible.

At a deeper level, your sign is also concerned with the cultural, philosophical and metaphysical frameworks which make life meaningful. Your life path involves searching for truth and then sharing that with others."

Honestly, I think this works for Solomon!! I think his energy and positivity are more calm, but he's very playful and welcoming just in general. Obviously he's all about exploring the unknown [gestures @ immortality] and I definitely headcanon that Solomon knows a little bit about everything. A true renaissance man...

IDK this was short I just wanted to address it lol. Onto the good stuff!

Guessing Solomon's Moon Sign - Scorpio

According to starslikeyou...

"Born with the Moon in Scorpio, you are likely to be sensitive and loyal, but have intense emotional needs...You are likely to give the impression of being perceptive, powerful, and transformational.

Scorpio is also a Fixed sign, suggesting that when you align your emotions with something you desire – be that a friend/lover or an anticipated outcome – you will be constant, enduring and unwilling to let go."

In terms of the emotional needs, I think this might be the weakest part of my argument - but hear me out. The website describes emotional extremes that may swing back and forth, as well as intense reactions to emotions. I could argue that Solomon does experience this - although I think he's gotten good at hiding it.

I wouldn't describe him as having mood swings, but I can think of a few instances where he has shown them. I think this would mainly take place in his anticipation of rejection. We've seen multiple times how he's willing to indulge in being with MC, only for a moment - happy, satisfied - but then he quickly realizes that they could reject him, that they might not want him, and he backs off and retreats again. This isn't exactly a mood swing, but it fits for my argument. He easily flips from accepting and eager to show affection whenever he has the chance to reserved and pulling away. From confident to almost insecure. Additionally, his emotional reaction to the possibility of rejection - or of returned feelings, like in the Threads of Fate devilgram - could also help my case. The website also argues that people with a moon in scorpio are self-aware, introspective, and private individuals, which definitely sounds like Solomon to me.

In terms of intimacy, the website accents a need for emotional honesty, and finding an inner transformation as you share more parts of yourself and expose your vulnerabilities. I've talked about this for long periods of time, but I really, really think that this is the type of beneficial relationship Solomon needs. He needs someone he can trust completely, someone who can get him to open himself up and be a little more free because they accept his past and the parts of him that are messy.

Also the website says this:

"Finally, the Moon here often also brings highly developed intuitive and psychic gifts. You may find yourself drawn to explore the mysteries of life, wanting to know more about magic, alchemy or anything occult."

And if this isn't Solomon, idk what is.

Honorable mentions i also considered: Moon in Gemini for emphasis on communication / knowledge exchange and intuition, Moon in Sagittarius for passion / creativity and a call to freedom, and a tentative Moon in Cancer for intuition and need for connections.

Guessing Solomon's Rising Sign - Aquarius

As starslikeyou says...

"Born with Aquarius on your Ascendant (or Rising), you will find a clearer sense of individuality is gained by stepping back to look at life from an objective perspective. A detached point of view allows for a logical assessment of the circumstances around you, giving you the ability to find, at times, lightning fast resolution to key issues.

This is the sign of the collective over the individual, the group over the singular. You are likely to have an especially broad view on society that allows you to mix with a great variety of people. Your awareness of group and social dynamics is paramount for your overall self-expression. Putting group endeavours first may override purely personal concerns.

There is likely to be a pronounced tendency to act in ways that will benefit the collective, rather than provide personal gain. This then is the rising sign of the true humanitarian, who gets what they need in ways that are socially responsible and considerate.

...You may also be drawn to arenas such as science, politics, communications or human resources, and have a strong social conscience. Usually open to scientific innovation, you can be an early-adopter or work with advances in technology."

This one really hit me as correct because of the whole collective over the individual part. Solomon acts as a sort of guardian for humanity, and he spares no expense to ensure the continued safety of humans. I understand that Solomon formed pacts beforehand and maybe for selfish reasons, but at least now he's put himself in the affairs of demons to make sure humans have some sort of voice. Now that he's in a position of power, he uses his leverage and makes his loyalties known. Demons probably wouldn't eye him so warily if they weren't suspicious of him turning on them or using them - and if he did so, it'd probably be for humans. Whether or not it's a side effect of his warped view on his own humanity, I definitely think he'd put himself in "harm's way" (though with him, the goalposts for that kind of shift compared to other humans) in order for the greater human good.

The sign also highlights intellect and the ability to make specific and well-thought out decisions with complicated information, as well as an impressive intuition. It describes those with this rising sign as idealistic yet practical, somewhat unorthodox or seen as eccentric (and paying the price for this perception), and a somewhat isolated and aloof front. Honestly, the further I read into the page, the more it reads like just an explanation of Solomon.

Honorable mentions i also considered: Rising Virgo for being humble yet sometimes self-effacing, critical and practical tendencies, and and urge to be useful over recognition. Also Rising Scorpio for transformation, charisma and perception, and insight.

ANWAY...I hope this is what you meant with this ask because if not I will feel SO dumb. But either way I hope you enjoyed, maybe even agreed, and I sure hope this information was correct!! And also....I hope your day was/is great too 😘

[marshmallowprotection]

[Previous Post]

By his calculation, it was no real surprise that she couldn't remember anything that she'd said to him. 

She had been floating on the edge of elixir and the aftershocks it left in her system, most of what left her lips was nonsensical, at worst. She had far more clarity with her ability to speak but she had been easily distracted and confused if he let her talk without some kind of motivation. 

Ray hadn't even had to pry. It was as if she were a Goddess who truly knew everything. She knew things that Ray had to double check for their authenticity but found she was right every step of the way there. There were things that he would have otherwise had no way to know, but she was right enough for him to put every word to thought. 

She had firm thoughts and opinions, and it was precious to see her get upset over nothing. She would get so inflamed over this or that, but she spoke of the stories of himself and those around him like it was her livelihood. As if the world around them was her everything. 

However, some of her tone needed to be corrected. She spoke highly of much of the RFA, even if she was able to easily proclaim what she saw as a perceived fear or hesitance. He didn't care if she pitied the most of them… he just didn't want her to feel anything for the liar and the traitor. It's why he didn't ask about them. 

But, the rest of the members? 

He had enough information to draw out anything he wanted from them. She even had her own suggestions for what could work on them. He noted it in her phone, where she had been trying to figure out what may bring the RFA to Mint Eye. It was amusing to think she had considered it before meeting him. It was just another reminder that she was meant to be a saint to Mint Eye. 

Setting aside his feelings in knowing that her information had been given to her because of a game, he knew it didn’t matter how she got it. She wielded it with grace and luxury in her hands. She built upon the backs of what she had been handed and made it stronger... she found holes in stories and mended them by her hands. 

"Princess, relax for me," he was as gentle as he could be but she simply hadn't had the time to learn how to sit still. She was coming more and more out of her gaze so she was having such a hard time with her tremors. "I know it's hard. But I need you to look your best today." 

Either way, Ray had what he needed and plans could begin. But, right now, he had something even more important to think of. His Savior wanted to meet the person who would save Paradise with ease, his precious one. He tutted when he felt her squirm underneath his hand, smoothing out the brush against her messy curls as he did. 

Kaitlyn blinked a few times and then looked at the reflection in the mirror. She would see Ray fretting over little things as he did but she hadn’t quite realized how much work he was doing. He had taken great care to make her look exactly as radiant as she was. If they didn't see it before, they would see it in front of the Savior.

He caught her hand before it could touch her hand, and he lowered it back down onto her lap with a tight smile. He spent an awfully long time making her messy curls tighter and consistent. He didn’t want her to mess any of it up because she wasn’t in the state of mind to look at herself just yet. 

She was easily placated, though.

All it’d taken to make her listen to him in the first place was to wrap his coat around her shoulders. She stopped shivering and shaking when he did. It was almost adorable. Compared to the acidic mint and undertones of alcohol within the potion, he imagined the floral scent calmed her down. Aromatherapy was a good idea! If he could’ve taken her back to the garden... 

As the clarity was slowly returning, she seemed like in a daze and more of a frenzy. Her eyes darted all over the place as she strained to figure out where she was and why she was there. He knew that feeling, it happened often as he came out of the buzz that elixir warranted to those that survived the first trial. 

"Why…?" 

"You're meeting with my Savior, remember?" 

He frowned. What did she have to be afraid of? Did she misunderstand how lucky she was? Or, was the elixir still making her fearful to be alone with other people except for him? She would cry out with names that he couldn’t recall or know, after all. She might’ve been scared to make a fool of herself in front of his Savior. 

Something akin to fear flashed in her eyes, “I thought... I thought you said she was okay with us being together, Ray.” 

“Of course! My Savior promised that we’ll be together, but she wants to meet you so our mission can begin. After all, she wants to formally greet you as a true member of paradise! You took the elixir so well, too. It’s amazing. So, she wants you to see our paradise now that you’re able to function properly.” 

She’d seen worse. 

—

“I’m...” 

“A member of paradise,” Rika spoke with resolution. Her emerald eyes flickered over the newcomer, as if sizing her up and trying to figure out the best way to be able to pick her mind apart. “It’s a pleasure to welcome you to Magenta, for the first time, officially. While you must be surprised to be here with you, I must thank you for offering your wisdom and insight to ensure our success.” 

To put it plainly, Rika was searching for something in between the lines. Ray had said over and over that her information knew no bounds but there were parts of it that he couldn’t gain access to quite yet. She knew everything about them and yet, she was devoted to the cause. She had no doubt in her mind after what he’d shown her on that phone. 

She always imagined that she would have to tether Ray with a string to keep him to obey but now she had two tools to use at her disposal. She not only had Ray who worked himself like a dog for the smallest grain of affection, and now, this girl who would do anything for Ray and the paradise that he wanted to hold so badly. 

Photos that couldn’t exist in this world as they existed in quality unlike their own. Information about everything and everyone that nobody was ever meant to get into their hands. Reports and essays that could rival anyone in their terms of control and clarity. Her devotion to Ray was something else, and it could readily be used and manipulated. 

An idealistic young woman who believed in empathy and shining love. She was a realist but her romantic heart could sway her to be bent easily. It reminded her much of herself before she realized her true potential. A shining light was easy to capture as long as you had the right tools. 

Then, she would finally feel the light of salvation. 

This could be a useful love. 

Love built upon obsession that came from sincere bonds. Unlike the way that her former flame had done. His love had burned and devoured every part of her heart and now... she could take back her precious family from his clutches and wave this love in his face. She could use it, she could use them, and she was going to do so.

Though, Ray seemed to have dosed her with more than she expected. Her eyes still looked glossy even though she had enough clarity to realize the situation at hand. Her hand nervously fiddled with the fabric of the borrowed coat she wore, as her eyes darted left to right, not wanting to meet Rika’s gaze. 

No matter, it was a delight either way to see things working. 

Though this girl was taller than she was, she paid no mind, resting her hand against her shoulder to catch her attention. “You don’t need to worry about a thing. You’ve proven your capability already with your charming perspective, I must say, you’re a delightful read when you tear people down. You’ve seen the things I’ve always overlooked.” 

“Ah, I...” Kaitlyn murmured. It was a small nod to indicate that she’d heard what Rika said. “I... I like to study people, it’s a hobby... I’m not that great for what it's worth.” 

Oh. 

An insecurity. 

“Ray has shown me otherwise. Your words will be the very thing that save my precious mistreated family. I’m interested to hear more about what you think we should do. After all, someone as devoted as you can only know talent. Trust me, I know skill when I see it. I welcome it to our paradise because we need people like you.”

“...Thank you, Savior,” the words seemed foreign against her lips but she had managed to catch herself in time. She seemed to be good in print but in need with her actual words. “I... I’m thankful you see it that way. I’m...  I’m happy you have welcomed me.”

Rika’s attention shifted back to Ray. He seemed to be eyeing his plaything with a serious fever in his eyes. It could’ve been a problem, but... as long as she knew that this infatuation was going to secure paradise, she would allow it. It wasn’t as if they would be able to turn away from their promised future. It was a given, and Ray would never let go of it, now. 

She smiled. 

What a frightened little rabbit. 

“Ray, be a dear and see to it that she’s comfortable. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us if we want to achieve our goals within the next few months... aren’t you pleased it won’t take years to succeed now? All you’ve ever wanted, you’ve got it in your grasps. Don’t lose sight of that,” her voice was clear. “To get what you want, you must never look away from what’s ahead. No matter how ugly it seems. After all, I have a strong feeling that our dear Kaitlyn will have them on their knees soon enough.” 

His expression changed with that. His lips curled upward and he nodded, his way of saying he understood. The bloodlust in his eyes... now, that was what she wanted to hold onto. As long as he behaved, as long as he kept his dream ahead, paradise would thrive, and she would have what she wanted. Jihyun on his hands and knees, begging for mercy. 

And she’d snap him like a twig for thinking she’d given him a chance after what he did. 

Rika stepped back and Ray stepped forward. He took her by the hand and let her gaze into his eyes, that cloudy look leaving him as he played the role that he wanted. Pity, he wanted to be a prince when he was better suited for something else. Well, in due time, she thought. 

“I’ll begin preparations, my Savior. For eternal paradise.” 

“For eternal paradise, my children.”

[mc-critical]

Hello, I just found your blog and I like it very much, it’s very interesting to read!!!. My question is : what is your opinion on Ahmed and Kosem’s relationship? Do you think he truly loves her? What do you think about him seeing other women? And what do you think about his relationship with these women (Mahfiruz, Katerina, Gulbahar and Yasemin).

Thank you for liking my stuff!

I think that, just like Süleiman, Ahmet loves Kösem in his own way. It's not as toxic or problematic or often questionable writing-wise as Süleiman's love for Hürrem, but it still has both its ups and downs that make it interesting to explore.

Ahmet and Kösem is perhaps the love story where the writers made the most effort to mask the possible worse aspects of. It could even be considered actually romantic at points, with their amazing first scenes in the gardens and the amazing chemistry of Ekin Koç and Anastasia Tsilimpou, the beginning sense of wonder and "mystery" it started out with.... when she first met him, Anastasia didn't know he was the sultan and put all her trust in him - a certainly good first impression. Ahmet himself is also very far from Süleiman's direct endeavors and tests of loyalty, he tries his best to be respectful in his own way, despite that he fails to do that a bunch of times. That's why it's easy to miss the darker aspects of the relationship at first and it could be perceived as probably the only thing in the franchise that is remotely close to a "fairytale" of sorts.

However, when the curtains start to fall slowly, but surely, we come to realize that while, say, Hürrem learns to want what Süleiman wants, to be fully loyal to him and to cave to his demands just like he often caves to her own, Ahmet and Kösem as characters have entirely different values and needs throughout their whole relationship. The fact that Ahmet wanted Anastasia because of a picture, without him having ever met her, is incredibly telling: he has created an ideal of her in his own head from the start and he wants to consistently maintain it. When he's with her, it's as if he's living his own dream, his own perfect world that has place only for him and that young girl. (that's why the garden is so symbolic: Ahmet calls it a place of solitude, only for himself almost immediately after the audience is introduced to it; also that line from him: "The world is on one side, Kösem - on the other." - quoting by memory again, but the meaning is the same) Their world views gained from their past and present environments begin to clash from the moment she finds out he's a Sultan - she wants to desperately go back to her family, both because all of them are still alive and her free spirit that cannot bear to live in this golden cage. Ahmet doesn't let her go also because he lacks the understanding of this desire: he has grown in the strict Ottoman system and having people like Anastasia stay in the harem forever is something he finds perfectly natural; for him it's unthinkable to stand against it. But despite of that "minor offense", Ahmet's idea of Anastasia's "purity" and "perfection" was working for awhile, with her seeming to meet his expectations and slowly warm up to him. But the real truth is way stronger than your own made-up lies. Anastasia's pleas to let her go only get stronger until they reach their climax with her attempt to escape. And you know what? If it weren't for her contrived, yet convenient excuse to come back to him, he would've lost her. Helplessly, in a blink of an eye, he would've lost her, due to what she sees as sheer ignorance from his part. And when she gains her own bit of agency later in the season and becomes Kösem, when she develops and realizes the actual stakes of the game, beginning to play it herself due to survival by default and the will for revenge, Ahmet's "perfect picture" breaks apart and that apparently hurt him so much, he stayed mad at her for quite some time. This wasn't the person he knew and loved anymore, this was an entirely new, reborn woman. He didn't seem to love and respect her for the virtues she actually possessed, but for those that he had imagined her to always have in his head. That is another, more "subtle" level of toxicity than with Hürrem and Süleiman, but it's still toxicity, that's why this relationship is far from healthy and the "beautiful, but quirky" dynamic it sets the impression of.

Kösem's view of Ahmet is very interesting and complex, writing-wise. I actually don't think she grew to love him as much. The place she forcibly got in made her feel very limited by him mostly, since he was the reason she was here in the first place and he was calling the shots in terms of her future (whether she would visit her family or not?). What made her become a bit affectionate wasn't fully him himself, but rather the oh-so-prominent theme of adaption in the harem. She wanted to escape so desperately, but there were so many happenings and situations during the time she was in the harem that just demanded for her to get used to everything. So when Iskender gave her the chance to escape, she as become used to the harem's environment so much, she felt unsure of herself outside of it. Her return was out of necessity rather than love and even her standing up to the people when Ahmet was sick was done out of necessity, too (like I elaborated in another ask about Kösem). I'm not saying that she didn't feel any affection whatsoever, but the affection she felt for him was easy to let go of (E25: "Today I didn't marry only Sultan Ahmet, I married the country!"), because I don't think Ahmet did his best efforts to understand her and I don't think Kösem felt completely comfortable around him, all that contrasted with Kemankeş in S02, who according to her, understands her better than anyone ever could.

Ahmet loves Kösem, because even after his perfect picture with her was broken and his anger and denial and refusal to accept it passed, he did try to make things better. What I loved most about his dynamic with Kösem, is his open honesty with her that continued till the end. There have been scenes where they seemed like true companions, especially their beginning one in E21 with all the kids gathered around them. I loved that despite of his mistakes, he did try to set things right. There was this sudden protectiveness that activated in him when Kösem told him the truth about the death of his father and why she acted the way she did and that could mean she now became something of a "cinnamon roll he just protect" and that is certainly a flawed mindset to have in many aspects, but that showed he could actually care for her beyond his idealistic perspective of her.

Am I okay with Ahmet having other women? Honestly, I'm glad that MCK lowered the concubine arcs to a minimum and with the way they did it, it doesn't offend me as much. I would even love some of them to be more developed for a change, because they did turn out to be solely drama tools, thanks to their lesser episodes and MCK's different themes as a whole, that basically did their purpose and left, instead of stretch out and outstay their welcome and that is just the other extreme in a bad disguise.

I won't talk about the relationship he had with his other women as much, because they just aren't fleshed out. I would've liked to see more of Ahmet and Mahfiruze: I believe he was way more decent with her than say, Süleiman was with Mahidevran, and their scenes weren't half bad. Too bad that would've demanded Mahfiruze herself to be fleshed out more as a character and the writers to give her more of a place in the narrative. Katerina was present only for an episode (or was it two episodes?) and we don't have as much conclusions to drive here. We only have his mild infatuation with her and... that's it? We have no idea what Katerina actually felt or how their dynamic would play out in the long run. We can only speculate. Gülbahar, by contrast, also had the least screentime of all his women who have comparatively minimal screentime, but her exploration in S02 helps us gain a better idea of how it went between them. I have the impression that she was the least favourite concubine of Ahmet's, ever. She did succeed to get pregnant and have a child, but it probably was a one and done thing and she didn't seem to get any other grasp of manly affection since then. Which is why, along with them taking away Bayezid from her by exiling her, she was so focused on scheming for one particular goal and this became what defined her. But then again, that is still a speculation in my part. Now, with Yasemin we have much more on-screen chemistry and interaction: that relationship felt very similar with what Süleiman thought of Firuze - infatuation, massive infatuation, but still not love, because just like Firuze, Yasemin also gave him poison and we don't know how much the poison affected his psyche, along with the sickness it brought upon him. These relationships have the opposite problem MC's concubine arcs had: these women were all unfavored or favored very temporarily in the span of an episode or two, which made them very stale and lacking in material.

Lastly, while MCK in its entirety, isn't very big on love stories, Kösem and Ahmet's relationship still had an evolution throughout S01, even if that evolution was more "condensed" than the others similar to it. It still remains the most fleshed out love story in the show, along with Kösem and Kemankeş's, and it was a very important part of the story that helped shape much of the narrative that succeeds it.

[ginmo]

How do you think the Bran and Jaime’s meeting will go in the books? I’ve read theories guessing he might end up as King Bran’s Hand, meta where the writers want him to become a mentor or father figure to the Starks in a full circle of his redemption arc, while others don’t want or think he should be involved with the Starks long-term either because of his and his family’s sins against the Starks or because they view his arc as reclamation rather than redemption or atonement. 1/2

This is what GRRM said about Bran and exploring time. 

“It's an obscenity to go into somebody's mind. So Bran may be responsible for Hodor's simplicity, due to going into his mind so powerfully that it rippled back through time. The explanation of Bran's powers, the whole questions of time and causality - can we affect the past? Is time a river you can only sail one way or an ocean that can be affected wherever you drop into it? These are issues I want to explore in the book, but it's harder to explain in a show.” - Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon

Hodor’s name reveal is neat and all, but Bran’s power to manipulate the past doesn't exist just so we can randomly learn Hodor’s pointless name origin. That would be ridiculous unless the scene was used to introduce that ability. Hodor’s name reveal is important to the narrative, and I believe its purpose is to set up a much bigger event/reveal involved around Bran interfering with the past, not just observing it. I’m pretty sure GRRM was hint-hinting to D&D about this, which is why he told them about the random ass Hodor scene that was already written, thinking it would be obvious what that means for the overall plot and letting them run with it but………………..

Because of this, I think it’s possible Bran brought himself to where he is. 

IF Bran isn’t involved in The Push, then he could have been involved with Jaime killing the Mad King. I kinda like the idea of Bran playing into Aerys’ madness, causing him to stock up on wildfire around the city, because then the wildfire would be an essential future plot element for a bigger purpose towards the end of the series and it would be a question of time, “a river you can only sail one way, or an ocean that can be affected wherever you drop it,” but for the entire series. (And, as someone with a passion in astrophysics, I’m a sucker for discussions around time. BUTTHAT’SJUSTME) 

Do I totally subscribe to this theory? Eh. I’m still not convinced Bran is King of All of Westeros for reasons, but I’m open-minded. I DO think Jaime is surviving the series, for reasonsssss, so I’m putting that disclaimer out there right now. I will never claim with absolute confidence that he is surviving though because, I mean, nobody fucking knows, and there’s an argument for death. I’m just going off of narrative clues that I perceive to be clues, and taking other character arcs into consideration. After literally drawing up a table because I’m weird, the column for Survive has more evidence and justification than the column for Dies, so that’s why I lean the way I lean. SO with that being said, I think it’s possible he has more of a political future.

IF this is what GRRM is writing, Jaime would still be responsible for pushing him, of course, but future Bran would want to be pushed. He'd be setting everything in motion to create the butterfly effect that makes it happen. 

Even if that isn’t what GRRM had intended with exploring time, it’s highly likely Bran’s character development is taking him down a path of apathy over it, meaning he wouldn’t be needing Jaime to do something for the purpose of redemption for him. 

Speaking of Redemption…

-deep breath-

I’m going to go off on this a bit because it IS relevant, I swear. 

“Limits of redemption” is probably the biggest wtf interpretation fandom has when it comes to what GRRM actually said. I’ll try not to go off on it too much here but -

Interviewer: Both Jaime and Cersei are clearly despicable in those moments. Later, though, we see a more humane side of Jaime when he rescues a woman, who had been an enemy, from rape. All of a sudden we don’t know what to feel about Jaime.

GRRM: One of the things I wanted to explore with Jaime, and with so many of the characters, is the whole issue of redemption. When can we be redeemed? Is redemption even possible? I don’t have an answer. But when do we forgive people? [...]  I want there to be a possibility of redemption for us, because we all do terrible things. We should be able to be forgiven. Because if there is no possibility of redemption, what’s the answer then?  [x]

I bolded “we” from the interviewer, because it gives context to GRRM’s answer with “we” being the readers, not the characters or Jaime himself. (I think there’s another interview where he says “limits of redemption” but it’s in the same context. I could be wrong but I SWEAR I heard it. Anyway…) 

“I kind of tried to ask, ‘do you think he’s changed?’ to get him to talk about Jaime’s redemption arc, so he said something like he wanted to explore the concept of forgiveness and whether it’s possible to be forgiven for doing such horrible things, and that his goal was to ask the question, not give an answer.” [x]

Fandom thinks this is the characters giving Jaime forgiveness, and maybe there will be a small element of that in the books, but the question is for the readers. No, Jaime is not actively seeking redemption from people. His redemption is for himself, through living his best life, by rediscovering the person he used to be. Yes He Will Be Redeemed and No He Will Fail assume redemption is some arbitrary checklist determined by One Big Act, and they’re answers to a question GRRM doesn’t want to give an answer to. 

The purpose of Jaime’s POVs is to ask the readers, and the most obvious moment of this was the bath scene. GRRM smacks us over the head with the Aerys confession, and then as we’re introduced to more and more of his POV chapters, he slowly chips away at the Jaime illusion that was intentionally established the moment he pushed one of the perceived child protagonists out of a window. It’s brilliant, and I’m sorry GRRM that a large chunk of your fandom is too dense to get it. How frustrating lol. I’ll be insulted for him. (I’m legit wondering if his recent angsty tweets about grey and redemption about real life stem from a concern that his fandom won’t understand the point of the series.) 

To give you an idea of where these people are coming from, at least one BNF idiot on Twitter believes redemption hasn’t been explored with Jaime yet. 

But uh… 

GRRM mentioned his intent is to “explore redemption” after delivering Jaime POVs, because... it’s... not a spoiler… he’s already exploring redemption, because the question is being asked TO US. We were supposed to have an “oh shit” moment, realizing this is more complex than the surface level, biased perspective we were delivered at the beginning of the story. “Maybe Westeros and my protagonist have it wrong.” -cough- the people in the village in BatB -cough- 

No matter how much fandom likes to pretend they love GRRM for pushing the boundaries of fantasy, they secretly fucking hate it. They love to be comfortable, dude. That’s why they read this series as if it’s a clear cut Good vs. Evil, because a) ego and b) that’s easy. If GRRM was writing Jaime as doing everything with ill intent then…. his… question isn’t being asked. They think everything he does right now is selfish and Bad, so they’re waiting. They want it spoon fed to them. They want classic fantasy. They want Starks = Good, Lannisters = Bad. 

But… if the author sees Jaime’s actions as grey and complex, enough to ask the question to the readers if he’s redeemed in their eyes or not, then he’s not going to write an endgame that punishes the character for narrative payoff, because he doesn’t see his actions as “sins” or “crimes” in the same way that these people are. Once upon a time, a person on tumblr reblogged one of my posts and said that Jaime will rape Cersei before he kills himself and that will be his endgame. But GRRM doesn’t view Jaime as a rapist, so he’s not going to write Jaime as a rapist. I’m bringing that up, because it’s the same phenomenon. People can ignore authorial intent all they want, but NOT when it comes to predicting narrative trajectory. The general fandom is terrible at that lol. 

The exploration of redemption for Jaime comes in the form of confronting his disillusioned self and everything attached to it. Before someone thinks, “lolllll he isn’t disillusioned” 

 “he actually was a very idealistic young man who was disillusioned by life” [x]

Jaime’s redemption is the path of returning to that idealistic man for himself. It’s by feeling ashamed of the things he’s done to hide his love for Cersei. It’s by gaining independence and detaching from the toxic relationship that caused a mess outside of them. It’s by wanting to be like the knights he admired in his youth, and like the woman warrior that inspired him. 

So when I think about narrative payoff for Jaime, I don’t see it framed as him being “punished” for actions viewed as “crimes,” when GRRM clearly established those “crimes” as complicated and grey with a character already going through some positive development, and especially when the characters judging are written to be flawed as well.

On the other side, having him be “punished” by succumbing to hatred and anger is for sure giving an answer (this just… -sits on hands- don’t even get me started on THIS fucking hot take). That answer would be a clear, solid, “No, no matter how hard he tries to turn his life around, he can’t be redeemed, because he’s a hateful, angry, fucked up person.” I’ve legit seen people think “limits of redemption” is a boundary of redemption drawn in the sand that Jaime is walking towards but he won’t be able to cross it. I-......................... 

And what’s even the point of his handchop if scenario number 2 happens?  

“And Jaime, losing a hand, losing the very thing he defined himself on is crucial to where I think I want to go with the character. And he questions what do you make of yourself if you’ve lost that.” - GRRM [x]

(I’m going to put this quote in every post sorry not sorry) 

So he’s going to take Jaime on this big identity journey just for him to be like “lol nah he isn’t that” …?? That makes the loss of his hand meaningless, not “crucial.” Is it really crucial for him to lose his hand if he’s bringing him back to the beginning? Is it really crucial for him to lose his hand to make himself realize he’s hateful and a failure and murder Cersei and then himself? No. He could have still met Brienne and been inspired by her knightly ways, attempted to live a better life, found out about Cersei’s affairs, etc. He doesn’t need to lose his hand to reach a point of fucking murder/suicide lmao fuck (not saying he’ll do that but I KNOW people are thinking it). 

The loss of his hand is “crucial,” because GRRM has bigger endgame plans for him in the form of politics, and the journey to believably get there requires the forced loss of his warrior identity and everything that the hand symbolized. 

AS FOR THE ACTUAL HAND THEORY...

Even though I’m undecided on it, I CAN see it IF Bran is King. I get it. Jaime’s missing his right Hand, he becomes the Hand to the kid he pushed out the window. Hardy har har. I understand how that would be pleasing.

And we all know GRRM said something about how the best ones for power are the ones who don’t want it…  

And… this suspicious scene at the very beginning of the series… 

“You should be the Hand.” 

“Gods forbid,” a man’s voice replied lazily. “It’s not an honor I’d want. There’s far too much work involved.” 

Bran hung, listening, suddenly afraid to go on. -AGOT

BUT IF that happens, it wouldn’t be there as some sort of #atonement #forredemption. It would be there because of Jaime’s growth as a character after developing into a political player, after asking himself, “what do you make of yourself if you’ve lost [the swordhand]?” He’s no longer the warrior he once was. He dislikes any sort of political position, because he feels most alive with a sword in his hand. But that was Warrior Jaime, and the point of “what do you make of yourself after you’ve lost that” is Jaime going down a different path after discovering that Warrior Jaime has died. I mean, he’d never be actively seeking power and thinking it’s the best career ever, like he’d probably be all -sighhhhhhh- about it, but he’d be doing the responsible thing and what’s necessary. He’d make himself useful in a new way. 

“The Warrior had been Jaime’s god since he was old enough to hold a sword. Other men might be fathers, sons, husbands, but never Jaime Lannister, whose sword was as golden as his hair. He was a warrior, and that was all he would ever be.” - AFFC (Do I really need to make a post about how GRRM foreshadows? Mr. Bran: “I never fall”...?)

Jaime losing his hand was the narrative consequence for The Push, making all of his development post handchop -ALL OF HIS POVS- the redemption theme. It was the hand that pushed Bran, fucked his twin, killed his king, swung the sword against fandom’s Precious Protagonists… 

“You ought to be pleased. I’ve lost the hand I killed the king with. The hand that flung the Stark boy from that tower. The hand I’d slide between my sister’s thighs to make her wet.” - AFFC

So if Jaime becomes his Hand, it would be the two characters meeting in the middle, not Jaime groveling at his feet, begging for forgiveness, framed as a punishment for sins - “sins” that fandom views as “sins” that need narrative payoff, because they don’t understand intent. 

[liechotomy]

Ouma x Komaeda

Not in canon: They don’t even know each other dfgsdfhgfd.

I’m picky about it or meh: I’m just having a hard time picturing it working? Maybe that’s because I RP both of them and tend not to read others’ portrayals, and I don’t generally ship between my own muses very well for some reason, LOL. As much as they’re both troublemakers and game changers in their respective games, they’re actually very different in important ways. Komaeda is extremely idealistic (though just not in conventional forms), and Ouma, on most topics, is very much not. Ouma likes to push moral/ethical boundaries and question worldviews, but (despite nobody seeing or understanding his perspective) Komaeda has built his own and devotedly remains within them. If they ever tried to connect in any deep, meaningful way, I think they would face a lot of obstacles in each other.

No: My default headcanon is that of my post-sim verse, in which the events of DRv3 occur about ten years after the Tragedy. In that situation, Komaeda would be in his late 20s, by my estimation. And though I headcanon Ouma as being 18 years old (for reasons I see as logical and possible in canon), that is just too much of an age and power difference for me. ...Not to mention, in that verse, my own Komaeda has been a bit of a jerk to the v3 cast, so Ouma kind of hates him in that particular iteration dsgdfghgf. So assuming a ship, it would not be in this verse in which Komaeda is this much older and in this position. Something like the Talent Development verse, in which they’re all around the same age going to Hope’s Peak, is perfectly alright, of course!

I don’t read fic for it or would read fic for it: I just don’t think I’ve ever read a fic containing that ship. I am extremely picky with Komaeda characterizations in particular, and I’d be even pickier reading this ship. I’m not sure anybody could satisfy me, but I might try to read if a fic summary catches my interest.

I could/want to be convinced: This is probably a challenge, but I’m always open to my mind being changed! Chemistry is the most important.

Note that not all of the “how I ship it” boxes necessarily have to go into the ship at once or at all; they can all be kind of separate potentials (or put together if desired).

More interested in the consequences than the ship itself: Like. What if Ouma saw harnessing Komaeda’s talent for beneficial gains to be a desirable challenge? What if he wanted to experiment with it to figure out the ‘rules’ and tricks, like a game? That is playing with fire. I think Komaeda, seeing Ouma as an ultimate, would allow him to try, despite losing most people he’s ever possibly cared about to the downside of his luck spells. If he’s been friends with Ouma beforehand, he might be more nervous or ambivalent about losing him, but either way, if an ultimate has the hope to use him, he generally won’t deny them, despite being quite aware of the uncontrollable nature of his luck. If Ouma hasn’t even been his friend to that point, Komaeda would simply think if his luck did the ultimate in, he surely just didn’t have strong enough hope to survive. The event would be full of despair, but an even stronger hope must eventually come along. Oh dear, now I’m writing for Komaeda, LOL.

Platonic: The only interaction I’ve seen of them in the Talent Development Plan involves Komaeda being curious about Ouma’s talent (WHAT A SURPRISE), trying to verify whether or not his organization is real and understand how said talent works. Komaeda’s curiosity and love for talent might mix interestingly with Ouma’s playfulness and desire to be pursued. I thought it was interesting that Komaeda was able to realize seemingly effortlessly that Ouma’s games messing around with setting a high, unattainable price to give him personal information meant he didn’t want to talk about himself. Ouma seems to respond favorably to those who try to get to know him-- definitely not by interrogating him but by experiencing him organically and learning. (He was pleased that Komaeda correctly guessed what he was going to do but not particularly that Komaeda was asking questions about him.) On the other hand, if Ouma suspects Komaeda’s just interested in his talent and not him as a person, he might close off? The potential is unpredictable.

Sexual: I don’t really have any sexual-relationship headcanons for them at the moment, but. If they’ve already developed a rapport...why not?

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

This has nothing to do with the Dornish, but I really don’t understand the appeal of making Renly Brienne’s best friend in so many fics. Like...from my perspective, the whole point of Renly is that, for all his charm, he’s got very little that’s actually likable. Underneath it all, he’s this highly arrogant, deeply unpleasant person that has literally never done anything useful in his life. He wants to send assassins after a pregnant teenager, he can’t resist the urge to be cruel about his own niece, and, oh, yeah - he declares war on his brother for the sake of getting the throne he would have eventually gotten anyway.

It was pretty clear that Stannis and Selyse were never going to have a son. And Stannis very explicitly referred to Rhaenyra as committing treason for fighting for the throne. Since she was the elder and her father had named her his heir...the only reason Stannis has to believe her a traitor is that he believed that the prioritization of the male line over the female meant that no woman should sit the Iron Throne. Since Stannis is a principles zealot, that means Renly was it. Even though Stannis later tells his bannermen that Shireen is his heir and that they should fight to seat her on the throne...that seems to have only been the case because there was no one left to be his heir. So Renly would have been next in line! He contributed to ripping the realm apart for no reason!

Even if you set all that aside because Stannis isn’t the world’s best dude either - though that’s a whole rant in and of itself - and most fic writers seem to ignore Shireen and whatever and just look at the way Renly treats Brienne...he doesn’t actually care about her. He looks at her as someone that’s useful to him. Not a friend, not someone whose feelings matter, just someone whose loyalty he can gain through no effort - just a smile and a dance when charm has always been easy for him. He knows she’s in love with him. He knows both that all she wants is to die for him and exactly why that is.  Renly insisted upon calling his own niece, a little girl that had done nothing at all to him or anyone, ugly for no reason. There’s no way in hell what Loras relayed to Jaime was inaccurate. So that means even though he mocks her in private and calls her ridiculous, he’s willing to use her as a human shield because he feels so entitled to her devotion. He would never be willing to put himself in harm’s way for her. But he feels her doing it for him is his due, and not just because he’s her liege lord, but because she cares about him as a person.

It’s especially ironic, because as terrible as Robert is, I think his charm has more depth to it. Robert didn’t charm people because he wanted something from them, he did it because he couldn’t stand the idea of not being liked. It borders on pathological, and it’s one of those traits that we see far more of the negative side of in Robert than the positive, but it’s genuine. Renly, though - Renly is a nice veneer with very little that’s likeable below it. His charm is a strategy, rather than an intrinsic quality.

And then you have Brienne: a wide eyed idealist, so used to cruelty that someone extending basic manners won him her loyalty for life. She wants so desperately to believe in chivalry and true knights that she can’t see Renly for the selfish person he is. Not because she’s stupid, but because she has to believe in something, someone, and Renly, in theory, has the traits of a good king. Brienne is loyal to people and a set of principles, not causes, and she’s deeply, fervently. loyal. Sansa has come to believe no one will ever love her for her, just what she can get them. Brienne has come to believe that even the island she’s the heir to isn’t enough for someone to love her. She’s, what, eighteen? Ish? And she’s been battered down by cruelty. When she cares about someone, it’s completely. So she deserves friends that actually care about her. And throughout the story, the only thing close to a friend we see her with is Jaime! Which is really, really depressing because for most of the time while they’re wandering around the countryside together, he’s trying to crush her dreams, make her stop believing in what matters to her. It’s painful and it’s him trying to help in the worst way possible and it slowly evolves into an actual friendship. It makes all those fics about Brienne and Renly’s friendship even worse for me by demonstrating just how little Renly ever cared about her.

Is this a show thing? Because Renly got so much adaptational heroism? Because I genuinely don’t understand what about him makes people view him as a good dude.

[shadowsong26x]

Lavinia for the character meme thing!

All righty then! Putting this behind a cut because somewhat spoilery (though, probably her Major Plot Points aren’t super hard to guess, between various other commentaries I’ve made/tropes I’ve mentioned liking/I think I’ve hinted at it/foreshadowed okay at least in bonus content?) and also Long.

favorite thing about them

Not necessarily my absolute favorite thing, but it has a nice Flipside so…

She thinks things through. She does her absolute best to gather appropriate information and make sure she’s prepared for the situations she’ll find herself in, including researching from as broad a collection of sources as she can. She considers all the consequences of her actions, and she never forgets that, because she is who she is and she has the abilities and position she does, her actions can have Consequences. And she learned how to do most of this processing fast. She is fast and she is well-informed, and at the end of the day she will do what is necessary, in service of the galaxy and her larger goals, but she will be sure it is necessary, and that the consequences are acceptable, given what she stands to gain.

least favorite thing about them

Of course, the flipside of this is that she overthinks everything. And I mean, e v e r y t h i n g. Like I said, she learned how to overthink very quickly, because her father wouldn’t tolerate her being paralyzed by those doubts, but that also means that she never really learned how to trust herself and her judgment and be confident in her decisions. This leads to some pretty epic screwups in her personal life, and also her shying away from certain things, particularly her own abilities with the Force beyond passive observation and occasionally assisting her more mundane manipulation with a Mind Trick or two (unless she’s desperate enough to completely unleash, which leads to her pulling off things like battle meditation; which might save her and her allies once or twice, but that kind of all-or-nothing/rigid but brittle control is Not Good in the long run.)

(Again, this is not necessarily my absolute least favorite/what I would consider her most negative trait, because a lot of that is situational, but, well, it’s situational. Her ability/habit of thinking things through and putting a lot of effort into her choices is both a good thing and a bad thing, and it’s the trait I could write up most clearly from both sides.)

favorite line

The problem with answering this question is most of the ones I can think of are somewhat spoilery Wham lines, and also require a fair amount of context to explain why they’re my favorites. And/or come from miscellaneous AUs that also require a fair amount of setup…

So, I’m going to go with one that’s from an AU of Masks!verse, in reference to Luke:

“Oh, you poor boy. Try not to let your excess of compassion get you killed. The universe needs more men like you.”

brOTP

Depending on the AU/context/point in time (and I am excluding non-fusion crossovers here), Luke, Kallus, Thrawn, Pellaeon (…who maybe shouldn’t count, because he’s more Dad, but he’s one of the most important people in her life and their relationship is 9000% platonic so), Mara, Leia, Ventress (…also kind of a weird example, because the main way it applies is Ventress as her mentor/teacher/etc. which may not be the best application of brOTP? But, again, v. important relationship and entirely platonic when it comes up).

OTP

Lando and/or Sabine.

Lando because they complement each other in some interesting ways–they’re both talented administrators and good at reading/managing people, though Lando’s a lot better at one-on-one People slash dealing with people when it’s not Work, so to speak. But he tends to be a master of Xanatos Speed Chess/a case study in “Well That Escalated Quickly,” and she is Hyperprepared/very rarely makes a move unless it’s certain. I.e., see my first two answers, lol. So they balance each other out in that way.

Sabine because they started kind of flirting in the Handler AU and then it got super cute. Might also be a thing in the Pellaeon AU? Or another Masks!Verse AU that has a similar breakpoint to the Handler AU…anyway, the two of them getting together depends on some specific changes and timeline things, so it only works in certain AUs. That being said, they’re pretty cute/sweet together. Because we have Useless Lesbian Sabine and Only Flirts In Professional Lavinia and yeah.

nOTP

Luke. Like. There is no incarnation whatsoever, even if I’m not reading Luke as aro (he’s definitely ace, but aro–I go back and forth on whether he’s aromantic or panromantic but that’s another conversation), where that works. Even in at least one AU where he’s the biological father of her child (in an IVF/sperm donor situation, she asked him because he’s someone she trusts completely and also someone who would be completely okay with not being the kid’s dad and things/their relationship wouldn’t get Weird).

random headcanon

Lavinia’s favorite color is blue. Specifically in the aqua/teal/slightly-green-tinged family. She’s always considered herself more Coruscanti than Naboo, but maybe something deep inside her feels a connection to that peaceful, watery, living color or something.

…or possibly she just likes it and there’s no Deeper Meaning behind it, heh.

unpopular opinion

…lord. Uh. This one’s hard, since she is my OC and I haven’t published/posted a whole heck of a lot about her? So it’s hard to know what the popular opinions are, let alone what the unpopular ones are…

I guess in the spirit of this, there’s the fact that, deep at her core, she’s kind of an idealist? She believes in things, and in certain people. And she believes that, not only should the galaxy be a better place, but that it can be.

(possibly in the spirit of this because she’s also, like, a spy and a professional politician so there’s a lot of cynicism on the surface/covering up that idealism…)

song i associate with them

Quite a few actually. Hm, what’s one I haven’t necessarily shared with you yet…

…ehh, I’ll go with these two:

I may have actually shared this one with you before, but it’s still one of my favorites for her. At the end of her life, looking back on her life/taking stock.

And this one I’m pretty sure I haven’t shared. From a somewhat younger perspective, and also kind of a nostalgia bomb for me.

favorite picture of them

Let’s see…::digs through #lavinia tag:: …and most of these are just fashion photosets that fit her aesthetic, but here’s a couple pictures of her:

This is probably something along the lines of what she looks like in her early/mid-teens. I believe this is the actress who plays Lucrezia in the not-Jeremy Irons Borgias show that came out around the same time. Which is particularly entertaining to me because…

Grown-up Lani is Lotte Verbeek, particularly as Giulia Farnese in the other Borgias series XD

Anyway, most of the other ones I have saved are gifs, so these two it is.

Also, I would be remiss if I didn’t link the commission I got of her a couple years ago!

[askanonbinary]

I have a very specific question. Hopefully I can be clear. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, which has a symptom of multiple personalities. I have eight personalities in total. They have a separate inner voice, emotions, perception of our physical state, memories, opinions, hobbies, and names. But there’s a sense that they are all me, just subconsciously. For example, I can’t remember a lot about high school, and when I do remember it I remember it from a third person perspective (weird right? I see myself doing things!). Those memories are held by another personality, and working with her can help me remember the facts. Becoming her would help me feel that ‘I’ experienced it.  

See, that’s the thing. I have depression as well, and to beat depression I am encouraged to deny abusive inner voices. My therapist tells me, “Depression lies.” And it’s true. Curing my depression meant separating myself from those inner feelings, recognizing that my depression is not me. 

But with D.I.D., it’s the opposite. Denying these inner voices, even when they’re being abusive, makes my disorder worse. I am encouraged to understand my other parts, not matter how different they are. To work together. Someday, to realize they do not lie, and that they are me. If, for most disorders, the survival method is to have a strong shield, for me it’s to hold hands with my disorder? Kind of? 

Anyway, I have been accomplishing it with one personality, named Conan (1 of 7, still a long way to go!). We work together. We collaborate, covering each other’s weaknesses with our own strengths. It’s a two-way communication – even though it’s just me! I can tell it’s working, because I’m starting to realize that he feels more like me. Like it’s more seamless. I’m more like him now (hahaha, I swear WAY more now) and he’s more like me (he admits he likes Disney movies). Like more than 90% of patients with D.I.D., he almost never ‘takes control’ of our body. No one does anymore – it’s a big improvement! But…  

Well, I never expected to feel gender dysphoria. But I did, and severely. Two years ago, I finally finished a total gender expression change – clothes, hair, makeup, shaving etc. Because it was unbearable without it. I still only pass about 40% of the time because I have a large chest (mostly from the back). I have trouble with binding, (back problems, weight, panic attacks), but I still did sometimes. I would really like chest surgery. It was great to look in the mirror with a drastically more masculine presentation, but I still feel like I am not myself when I look at my chest – but see, there I go! Talking about seeing ‘myself’, of feeling like I’m finally ‘me’…what does that mean for someone like me?! 

I feel like my experiences can’t belong in the context of trans or non-binary narratives. It’s just…I’m not who those labels are for? And, when people see me and ask, “Oh, you’re trans?”, even positively, it’s just a far more complicated question then they know. 

Maybe I’m not, because Conan isn’t trans; he’s a man. My personalities are young and old, man and woman. One is actually nonbinary? But what am I? I am me, but I know that my perception of me isn’t reality…or is it?

I identified as a cis woman until Conan and I started…blending, for lack of a better word. I was comfortable presenting as feminine. I think? But I also know that I started doing things like binding my chest all the way back in high school, though I’m still not sure why. Sometimes I had different clothes, that were specially for wandering the town. I liked to go where no one knew me; I liked to be someone else. Is that the same as having a fluid identity? Because in the end I realized it was actually a set of identities: 7, like I said. Yet…

There used to be 6. The new personality, emerged recently, is the person I was about three years ago. Before the dysphoria hit. The woman. Not just the woman but the idealist, the artist…her name is Willow now. She makes me think I’m not sure if I’m actually ‘blending’ anymore, or am I just becoming Conan? And does being Conan mean being trans?

I don’t talk about this usually, because so often people dismiss me as crazy. Lol, not that I’m not – I literally technically am! But I’m just not sure…what to call myself. I’m not fluid – that would be offensive, man, because this whole process of curing my disorder treats having fluid identities as the disorder! And it has many other symptoms for me, it’s true. I want to feel like I’m ‘me’. 

Non-binary is an excellent descriptor for me, I am literally more than two lol, but that’s not what that label means.

Many assume I’m trans, and I have a lot in common with the experiences of trans people I think, but being trans assumes one self. I think? Where I’m coming from is totally different. 

And, in the end, my other selves are not really real. But they are really me. It makes for a double experience: I feel like I’m losing myself, and finally gaining it.

In short, if I don’t know who I am, can I be something? 

Thank you for reading, I know it was long, and I would really appreciate some advice about how to identify, to feel secure and supported, but also be respectful of movements and terms that are larger than myself. And I understand if it’s confusing or you don’t know what to say, in the end. It’s okay. I feel the same. I actually think all of psychiatry feels the same, hahaha. Regardless, thanks for listening.

- @quiteamazedandthankyouforasking

Your existence and identity is not harmful to people’s perceptions of being nonbinary. If they’re gonna take problem with you, they’re gonna take problem with me because they hold harmful and ignorant beliefs. You shouldn’t have to hide yourself away in the closet for “the community’s” sake.

Nonbinary isn’t a term just for neurotypical people. I think you’ll find most of us here on this blog are neurodivergent ourselves, and while not all of us may consider our gender wrapped up in our neurodivergency, for many people, it really is. There’s even a whole category of nonbinary identities about this called neurogenders: https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Neurogender & http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Neurogender

Gender can be impacted by any host of ‘outside’ factors: culture, religion, neurodivergency, trauma… I myself have grabbled over my gender identity being tied up to my past trauma. My romantic orientation certainly is, and my gender probably is as well, but working out if that’s how it feels is… difficult to navigate.

To say that being nonbinary can NEVER intersect with these factors is to do ourselves and our community a disservice. It is to gatekeep and police people’s identity, to tell them there is a certain way they must identify. It is to box them into a corner and not allow themselves to express themselves as they are.

The problem is when people think things like “being nonbinary in and of itself is a mental disorder and therefore something to be fixed because you’re wrong and broken”. But you can totally be nonbinary as a result of mental illness or a personality disorder or whatever. That’s 100% valid and anybody who tells you that you’re not welcome is being bigoted themselves. 

It’s also okay if how you feel in regards to your mental health and your gender(s) changes later! It’s okay if your relationship to gender changes as you make progress with your mental health. It’s okay to grow and change as a person. This sometimes means our understanding of ourselves changing, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

You can’t help who you are or if your identity is all wrapped up and confusing. You  just being you isn’t harmful to our community. People who paint us all with one brush are harmful to our community. People who would encourage eugenics or erasure for the “sake” of our community are harmful to our community. People who try to dictate how others experience their own identity are harmful to our community.

So you’re nonbinary and depressed with DID? (Since I’m also ace and these are big ace issues…) There are ace people who’s ace identity is wrapped up in them being autistic, or is wrapped up with medications they take, or is wrapped up as a part of mental illnesses they have, or is wrapped up in past trauma. Exact same thing goes for gender. That doesn’t make them any less valid and this doesn’t make you any less valid. We need to accept that there are many ways to be. Even if you were harming someone, that wouldn’t make your identity invalid - although it would mean you’d be less welcome in safe spaces.

So I say you’re welcome. <3

And more than that, if these different personalities have different genders… well, it certainly sounds like that is something to explore.

But however you identify, whatever label you choose… that alone is your choice and your choice alone. While you may not understand or know yourself that well, you are still the one who best knows how you feel and is best equipped to explore labels and decide what is right for you. If identifying as nonbinary feels right, then identify as nonbinary! Be nonbinary. If you relate to a lot of trans experiences, then that sounds like something to seriously consider! 

You do not have to be totally neurotypical or mentally healthy or physically healthy or completely absolutely understand yourself (honest truth: no one does) to be nonbinary. It’s okay if your identity and relationship to your identity is messy and complicated and confusing and even weird. Honestly? That’s some of what being nonbinary is about, really. The fact that we have messy, confusing, complicated, hard to understand relationships to our gender. No matter our mental status.

~ Mod Sock

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[overthinkingkdrama]

anonymous asked: are you watching Go Back Couple? if so, what are your thoughts? on the male lead, especially?

Oh yes, I'm absolutely watching Go Back Couple. I'm really enjoying this show. Leaps and bounds more than I was expecting to, tbh. But Jang Na Ra is an absolute fave of mine so I should have known she wouldn't let me down with her latest project.

Big Picture Thoughts

First things first, I absolutely adore Jin Joo. She is a treasure. I love how much depth and complexity she has. I love the way the handle her identity as a mother, her nurturing nature, and balance it against the fact that she still has an identity and interests as a woman outside of that role. I love watching her scenes with her mother, they absolutely strike me to the heart. And her look at young self from her adult perspective and realizing how much she has changed and matured since she was 20. It's all so nicely done. And Jang Na Ra is just bringing everything to this role.

I have a lot of wild hopes and dreams for Jin Joo and where her story will go. Not sure if any of them will be fulfilled, but that's kind of the nice thing about this drama. I don't know where all of this is going. Despite a premise that could easily come across as "we've seen this a million times" it's rather unpredictable. I mean, obviously I expect our main time-traveling pair to eventually find love again, but how they are going to do it is something of a mystery to me.

I think the biggest selling point of Go Back Couple is the way it handles our two middle-aged, divorced, parents gaining perspective and growing as people by being suddenly transported back to their 20-year-old bodies. GBC, in some ways, has more in common with a body-swapping drama than a time travel romance. Although, clearly, there are elements of both.

I love the way that this drama emphasizes how Ma Jin Joo and Choi Ban Do are such completely different people at 40 than they were when they met at 20. They've been through trauma's together. They've given up on certain dreams in the service of making ends meet. They've lost loved ones as well as their sense of self. They've forgotten why they fell for each other in the first place, both basically just living for their son, Seo Jin. And that's just not enough to keep a marriage together. So now their 40-year-old selves are looking out at the world through their 20-year-old eyes and they are getting another change to understand and enjoy themselves and rediscover their passions. As well as work through some major relationship baggage that they have never been able to address in their original timeline.

I think that's great. Because even thought he majority of the drama focuses on this college setting and college age characters, the perspective is very much one of middle-age looking back. In some way it's pure wishfulfillment fantasy: Many, I wish I could go back knowing what I know now. It allows the main characters to change, or attempt to change, things they wish they had done differently: "I wish I could go back and see that person one more time. I would have treated them so much better." But maybe in the process discovering that even given the chance to do it over again, there are certain things they would never want to change. (Such as the existence of their son...)

Despite the fact that GBC is genuinely and frequently funny, I think what I like about it is how serious it is, and how adult. Maybe it's because I personally find a lot of the stuff they're talking about relatable. I don't have children, but I do know what it's like to go through a divorce and to lose a loved one you were very close to. I also very often feel much older than my actual age. So chalk another one up for painfully relatable dramas that have made me cry this season (Because It's My First Life being the other one.)

Thoughts on Ban Do Specifically

Ban Do is a complicated character for me, because I don't see him as a very nice person, in many ways a poor partner to Jin Joo and often morally dubious in his actions. And yet I generally like him and find him sympathetic. Maybe it's because the writing in the show is so good, I understand how someone gets so twisted up and defeated like he is at the beginning of the show. I understand his desire to relieve his glory years, his shame at being humiliated and used in his professional life and his sense of isolation. Not that any of that excuses the fact that he is dismissive, neglectful and often willfully hurtful toward his wife.

I am kind of relishing his rediscovery of Jin Joo as an strong, beautiful and fascinating woman outside of her roles as wife, homemaker and mother of his child. Although it's a bit frustration that it takes the interest and acknowledgement of other people for him to come to a realization of her merit. But now that the process has begun I'm a lot happier with the way he's treating and viewing her.

One of my biggest reservations about Ban Do, but also one of the things that makes him interesting to me, is his relationship with Min Seo Young. We seem him mooning over her in some of the flashbacks to their marriage, worrying about her and learning about her career ending injury. We see him boasting to his friends that he would be able to seduce her handily if he could go back in time, knowing what he knows now. And then we see that boast turns out to be entirely true, when he does go back and puts his plan into action. I can't help but feel terribly sorry for Seo Young. Because she is falling more and more under Ban Do's spell, his very strategic moves are working for him flawlessly, but at the same time clearly he isn't in love with her. He isn't entirely indifferent to her, clearly, but he doesn't have feelings for her on the level of what he felt for Jin Joo (in the beginning and even now) so much as he is hung up on this idealistic view of first love, and is getting off on his ability to make her fall for him. But he's not falling in response.

To some degree I think (I hope) that Seo Young is becoming conscious of that. That Ban Do doesn't look at her as one looks at a lover, but as one looks at a child. He feels a fatherly kind of regard and concern for her. His desire to help and protect her isn't based on romantic feelings. But I worry that he is going to hurt her really badly when he realizes that he doesn't want a future with her, but that he wants to try to make things work with his ex-wife instead.

I think the thing that keeps me interested and invested in the main couple getting back together instead of getting with other people who make them happier, is because there are problems on both sides. Ban Do isn't entirely responsible for the failure of their marriage. Jin Joo had her part to play too. They both allowed communication between them to break down to the point that they became strangers to each other. And although Ban Do helped to destroy Jin Joo's self esteem and truly took her for granted, Jin Joo could also cruel and unreasonable.

Obviously, we don't understand all of the circumstances surrounding her mother's death yet, but to place the blame squarely on him for now allowing her to see her mother one more time seems unfair to me, especially since a lot of her anger probably stems from the a sense that she didn't treat her mom as well as she wanted to when she was around. She has reason to feel the way that she does but saying things like "you've never been there when I needed you", "I should have expected anything" can be really damaging as well.

While I definitely understand the SLS people are feeling (for both the male and female second leads, honestly) but I'm not really feeling it myself. Or rather, only in the milder form. I like both Seo Young and Nam Gil and I want them to be happy, but I'm still sincerely rooting for the main couple more.

Wow that got really long winded, I'm sorry. Anyway. I hope that answers your questions

Jona

[tslyricx]

2. BLANK SPACE.

(Spoiler Alert: this is going to be a long-ass analysis, so grab your popcorn and join me in this crazy ride)

In an interview with Global News, Swift stated that she wrote this song from the perspective of a character she created based on claims made about her by the media. The character combines the various portrayals of her dating persona – being overly attached, dating just for publicity etc.

In “Blank Space,” this new persona has spotted a bad boy and although she knows he is trouble and that the relationship is doomed, she pursues him. This persona the media created seems to equally enjoy the over-the-top fantasy that comes from the first stages of love and the messy crash when her clingy, jealous, abusive side comes out. The music video for 1989’s second single was released on November 10th, 2014.

Taylor starts with a solid, direct flirt: “Nice to meet you, where you’ve been?” No hesitation here. “Where you been?“ may be her paraphrasing of the classic Prince Charming role-play — "Where have you been all my life?” — but she is not really the type to sit around lofts, or castles, waiting for guys to appear. It may just set up a rhyme with the next line. 

An antithesis is created between the next two lines: “Magic, madness, heaven, sin” Taylor predicts that the relationship is bound to be an exciting one, and due to the chemistry between them the sparks will feel like magic. However, she knows the boy is trouble and as a result it is completely reckless and mad of her to pursue him. But, she will regardless. This boy also seems as though he is a blessing sent from heaven. Coming out of a series of serious, rough and emotionally draining relationships Taylor needs something casual, carefree and fun. This is exactly what a fling with this boy has to offer. The pair of antithesis – “magic” and “madness” along with “heaven” and “sin” – emphasizes the temperamental nature of this character. She is saying a relationship with her promises to be crazy -fluctuating between wonderful and horrible.

Taylor saw how good this guy looked and couldn’t keep her eyes off his face. However, she explains in the next lyric that this little crush may only be temporary: “Saw you there, and thought Oh my God, look at that face” This could also be a reference to how famous some of her boyfriends have been in the past few years. All of them are very attractive with faces that have been publicized around the world.

The next line mocks the public’s perception that Taylor knowingly enters unstable relationships, or ruins a relationship simply to get a song out of it: “You look like my next mistake” 

Then, she decides to compare love to a game: “Love’s a game, wanna play?” There could be cheaters, losers, and winners, but none of it is very serious or important. When she asks him if he “[wants to] play,” she is offering him a chance to be on her long list of ex-lovers.

In the second verse, she focuses on materialistic things in these lines emphasizing how there is nothing true, deep or genuine about the relationship. It is purely for show and based on appearances. The man is clearly dapper, rich and successful. She can tell just by his attire exactly what type of person he is: “New money, suit and tie I can read you like a magazine” The use of the word “magazine” is also deliberate. It seems ridiculous for Swift to judge this individual based on his money and attire – and she is thus calling out the media who judge her when they don’t really know her true substance. Furthermore, Taylor is clearly well-off enough to not need to date a guy for his money. In these lines she ridicules the media that believes she dates guy to gain things from them. She specifically stresses that he is “new money”, meaning he recently came into his fortune (most likely on his own) and therefore does not have all the experience with this lifestyle that someone who is “old money” (wealth going back generations) has. There’s also an undertone that although Taylor can read him “like a magazine,” she isn’t so easy to read at all.

Taylor is one of the most “famous stars” in music, and with this popularity comes press coverage: “Ain’t funny? Rumors fly And I know you heard about me” She is often the face of ridiculous rumors. With this much media attention, there’s a pretty good chance that the boy she’s interested in has heard some rumors.

Taylor’s revealing her main theme here — dating can be great, it can be terrible, it can be anything. Not getting in too deep too quickly may be a good default move: “So hey let’s be friends” Actually, she makes it clear that she doesn’t expect this relationship to go anywhere good, but she’s interested in pursuing it anyway just to find out: “I’m dying how this one ends” In a tongue-in-cheek way, she suggests that she views her own relationships the way other people consume celebrity relationships, hoping each week to read about a terrible breakup or downfall. She isn’t going to be at all surprised when the relationship ends up being a total disaster; she might even be disappointed if it weren’t. Taylor is also playing up the reports that she dates just to break up and write hit songs about it. While mostly satirical, this line does reference a real shift in Taylor’s idea of love in this album. In an interview with Rolling Stone she is quoted to have said: “I think the way I used to approach relationships was very idealistic. I used to go into this thinking, ‘Maybe this is the one—we’ll get married and have a family, this could be forever.’ Whereas now I go in thinking, ‘How long do we have on the clock—before something comes along and puts a wrench in it, or your publicist calls and says this isn’t a good idea?’”

What’s more, Taylor wants to go on an adventure with her boy for the weekend. The fact that they can so quickly be whisked away indicates the whimsical, fast-paced nature of the relationship and also the lack of its solidity: “Grab your passport and my hand I can make the bad guys good for a weekend” This could also allude to the shortness in metaphorical time of her past boyfriends.  She once again, alludes to the idea that she cannot resist bad boys but will make them behave when they’re with her.

Then, Taylor presents only two options: the couple can end up getting married and spend forever together, or, more likely, they can have a heated fling followed by a volatile break-up: “So it’s gonna be forever Or it’s gonna go down in flames” The caricature Taylor uses in this song has no middle ground, and she gets into this relationship with the expectation that it’s destined to be short-lived. It’ll be passionate and heated for a short while, but eventually it’ll combust from its own energy.

It is said that Taylor compares a high from using drugs to the pleasant part of a relationship: it’s nice while it lasts, but it will eventually fade: “You can tell me when it’s over If the high was worth the pain”

MONDEGREEN alert! Many people mishear “list of ex-lovers” as “Starbucks lovers.” Adding to the confusion, Swift said she wrote Blank Space while in a Starbucks: “Got a long list of ex-lovers” In the Blank Space music video, Taylor said that the heartbreak-crazed Taylor is a character she played that was meant to be the media’s portrayal of her. Mentioning her list of exes is something that “character” would do. 

Swift has had a rather extensive list of ex-boyfriends but she has space for one more mistake. This is a brilliantly sarcastic line, mocking the media that constantly reports on Swift’s ex-boyfriends and obsessively investigates who all her songs are written about: “They’ll tell you I’m insane But I’ve got a blank space, baby And I’ll write your name” Obviously, it could also refer to her ex-boyfriends, or times when relationships don’t end amicably. Taylor’s boyfriend would start to comment, misjudge, and make disparaging remarks about her, which could lead to potential lovers avoiding Taylor because of what they’ve heard. This line is also alluding to her media portrayal. She’s a “blank space” because they think she has nothing in her brain. And she’s being sarcastic by saying that she’ll write him into her “blank space”. The blank space may also be on her heart and she’s ready to carve his name on it. Even though she’s had a lot of lovers, she still has room for more. Also, note that in the middle of this line, a clicking noise can be heard. This sound is meant to imitate that of a pen clicking. It gives the listener an image of Taylor actually writing out her new interest’s name.

The third verse highlights the fun, carefree nature of the relationship: “Cherry lips, crystal skies I can show you incredible things Stolen kisses, pretty lies You’re the King, baby I’m your Queen” Taylor in her signature red lips and a beautiful clear sky makes for a perfect day for an adventure. The idea of a King and Queen is brought into play, to indicate the fairytale, storybook nature of the wonderful first stages of the relationship. Underlying message: Taylor mocks the media’s view of her as a silly, vapid girl who is nothing but her pretty face. Words like “cherry lips” and “pretty lies” indicate how she is seen to be a manipulative person who has no substance beyond looks. A “king & queen” ideology is simplistic and childlike, harkening to the media’s portrayal of Taylor as childish.  Also, “pretty lies” might refer to the next line “you’re the king, baby, I’m your queen”. Taylor is obviously the queen. He’s the king…or is that just a pretty lie?

Rumors have gone around that Taylor will change who she is in order to impress a guy. The media essentially says she will do anything for a guy: “Find out what you want Be that girl for a month” This subtle innuendo calls them out while mocking the public’s belief that her relationships are short-lived. This lyric can also be taken feministically. Even though for a period of time, Swift may lead the boy on thinking he is dominant in the relationship, she will come back and claim her place as the queen.

The last line of this verse, and the first lines of the fouth allude to the rumors which claim that Swift is a crazy and psycho girlfriend: “Wait, the worst is yet to come Oh no Screaming, cryibg, perfect storms I can make all the tables turn Rose garden filled with thorns” She states that although she may seem pretty on the outside, like a rose garden, she is actually very dangerous and you will get hurt if you mess with her. She illustrates that the relationship will be a messy one, and her lover should be prepared for that. She may come off as naive, but internally she is a dominant female. Swift very clearly states that she is capable of many things. So, in many cases, this would be the perfect storm of “crying” (rain) and “screaming” (thunder). She illustrates the imagery into your head: she is a psychotic girlfriend.

Taylor Swift is often illustrated by the media as a clingy and jealous person. She is portrayed to be very paranoid about her boyfriends cheating: “Keep you second guessing like “Oh my God, who is she? I get drunk on jealousy” In these lines she’s taking a sly jab at the media and these rumors by deliberately stating that she will do exactly what they’re saying she’ll do. The “Oh my God, who is she” can be read as the guy doubting who Taylor really is in this new stage of the relationship. “But you’ll come back each time that you leave ‘Cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream” As with the rest of the verse, these lines are meant to be viewed ironically. She is illustrating herself in the way the media often does. In this case, she is portrayed to be someone who lures men in with her good looks but once they enter into a relationship with her she becomes crazy and obsessive – and it is like a nightmare rather than what her current significant other might have perceived her to be. Also, of course, nightmare is recurring and terrible whereas a daydream is usually short and pleasant. Their love might seem short and pleasant, but realistically? It’s going to come back and haunt you. 

And, since they’re still young and imperfect, they will take their love to extreme lengths: “’Cause we’re young and reckless We’ll take this way too far It’ll leave you breathless Or with a nasty scar” They are also reckless with love, and often aren’t careful enough in relationships. They will allow themselves to fall for each other, further than what they should knowing the danger. This will potentially will leave them exhausted or scarred during that time. It also can be hinted that when looking back, it was always reckless decisions that lead to break ups.

Finally, the bridge shows that boys are often intrigued by mystery and drama; they don’t want “boring” good girls: “Boys only want love if it’s torture Don’t say I didn’t, say I didn’t warn ya  Boys only want love if it’s torture Don’t say I didnt, say I didn’t warn ya” She is thus warning her potential lover that he mustn’t expect her to be sweet and the relationship to be easy. If he enters into something with her, he must be prepared for a crazy ride. Swift uses the word “boy” purposefully to allude to a lack of maturity by her former partners.

What has Taylor said about the song?

Taylor explained:

“Some of the things I write about on a song like “Blank Space” are satire. You take your creative license and create things that are larger than life. You can write things like I get drunk on jealousy but you’ll come back each time you leave, ‘cause darling I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream. That is not my approach to relationships. But is it cool to write the narrative of a girl who’s crazy but seductive but glamorous but nuts but manipulative? That was the character I felt the media had written for me, and for a long time I felt hurt by it. I took it personally. But as time went by, I realized it was kind of hilarious.”

She went on to explain:

“Every few years the media finds something they unanimously agree is annoying about me. 2012-2013 they thought I was dating too much, because I dated two people in a year and a half: ‘Oh, a serial dater. She only writes songs to get emotional revenge on guys. She’s a man-hater, don’t let her near your boyfriend.’ It was kind of excessive and at first it was hurtful, but then I found a little bit of comedy in it. This character is so interesting though. If you read these gossip sites, they describe how I am so opposite my actual life: I’m clingy and I’m awful and I throw fits and there’s drama. An emotionally fragile, unpredictable mess. I painted a whole picture of this character: she lives in a mansion with marble floors, she wears Dolce & Gabbana around the house, and she wears animal print unironically. So I created this whole character and I had fun doing it. Half the people got the joke, half the people thought I was really owning the fact that I’m a psychopath. Either one’s fine. It was #1 for eight or nine weeks, so I have no complaints.”

She also explained the meaning of the line “boys only want love if it’s torture”:

“I was thinking about this. Boys only want love if it’s torture and a constant chase. Men want love if it’s real, right, healthy and consistent.”

Where did this song chart on the Billboards? “Blank Space” went from #13 to #1 in one week dethroning her own song “Shake It Off” from the #1 spot. This was the first time a female dethroned herself in Billboard Hot 100’s 56 year history. For more information you can read about it here.

Favorite lyrics: The whole song, but especially: “Darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream”

Album: 1989 released on October 27, 2014.

Witten by: Taylor Swift, Shellback & Max Martin.

Picture: Polaroid picture from the Deluxe Edition artwork for Taylor Swift’s 1989 album.

Source: https://genius.com/Taylor-swift-blank-space-lyrics

[anautisticdragon-blog]

Humanity's Love Affair with the Sociopath

Sigh. This one's been a long time coming, I've been putting it off because it's such a big topic, but I need to talk about it eventually because it's at the core of everything I've ever talked about. It's my problem with the Zeitgeist, and with contemporary society today. It's my beef, it grins my gears, and it's something you've never asked yourself.

Why do you love sociopaths?

The media is partly to blame, it always is. We've seen an evolution of character types across the decades, from the friendly person with the heart of gold from the idealistic '80s doing all it can to avoid the inherent, inborn corruption of humanity, to the more earnest depiction of an abrasive, incredibly cynical person with a heart of gold from the '90s. From Ninja Turtles to John Constantine, they all had something in common.

They had a heart. They all had compassion, empathy, and no matter how cynical some of those '90s characters could get, underneath it all there was still a basic belief in humanity. A compassion that drove them to always do the right thing despite their bitterness at an uncaring world, an untainted moral compass that never swerved away from wanting what was best. For everyone, with no one left out. An end to the suffering people unjustly endured at the hands of those without a soul.

At some point, we started cheering on the villain. The abyssal creature without a soul, the demonic presence that had no heart to speak of, never you mind one of stone. It became so 'kewl' to be the con man, robbing old ladies for all their worth, spitting on the heroic figures who'd heretofore showed children the consequences of such actions.

It all comes down to the rise of extraversion and how it's tainted to its very core. It might sound like a horrible way to think, but there's just too much evidence to support it and there's going to be a lot of that in this post. I've learned that it isn't 'Humanity are Bastards,' as the trope goes, but rather 'Extraverts are Bloody Psychopaths,' just within varying degrees.

Why do you think the Nigerian scam mails worked? Affiliative extraverts thought themselves clever, they'd 'play' the poor prince, get him to open up and trust them so that they could get that big, juicy slice of money. And then? They'd not give it back! 10 per cent! Why have such a meagre pittance when you could take this 'innocent prince' for all he's worth? What a lark, take that silly sod to the cleaners for trusting you!

Didn't work out that way, eh extraverts?

As good as extraverts think they are at 'playing the game,' sociopaths are a billion times better. And affiliative extraverts seem almost wired to fall for it. It might be a survival instinct to obey the strongest, and thus be seeen as such by proxy, so sociopathic behaviour is desirable because it exudes airs of 'strength.' Even when that 'strength' gets your bank account cleaned out because you thought you were being bloody clever.

Instead of falling arse over tit for a stupid, stupid con.

It's why we have cults of personality... right? Just the affiliatives trying to emulate the 'strong,' trying to be 'strong' by proxy. All looking to the 'strong' for guidance, for will, to do what they bloody can't. Trying to behave like them in order to gain favour. Whether it's Steve Jobs, Donald Trump, or any charismatic sack of ichorous waste, whatever the Wastrel of the Day is, if they're manipulative enough, the affiliatives will follow.

It happens on all kinds of scales. All kinds. You'd have to be the world's shiniest example of a Joe bloody Soap to not see it, and people don't. These cults of personality pop up everywhere. And I have to pick out an obscure favourite of mine so that people won't be too invested in it, if you're seeing this from an outside perspective, you might actually catch on. So, what manner of dirtbag is going to serve as my example?

I'm going to use one that was never of criminal intent, though a generally scummy person nonetheless. Chris Avellone. In video game circles you might have heard of him, most do I'd think, and they worship him without even really knowing why. Why? Well, he's a sociopath, isn't he? Anyone with the brass clackers enough to lead a cult of personality always is.

Nature of the beast.

What'd he do? Let's see. He wrote a Fallout Bible and claimed to have absolute creative veto over the IP, for one thing. If a designer or writer had anything contradictory to say on the matter? He'd passive-aggressively mock them in his 'Bible.' That he called it a bible is more than a bit telling, don't you think? That's not indicative of off the charts narcissistic arrogance at all. Oh no, not even a little bit. No, no...

So let's look at the characters he's proud of including in video games, shall we? Kreia, from Knights of the Old Republic: A soapbox for Avellone's seedy, unbalanced views and a sociopath. Ulyssess, from New Vegas: See Kreia. Weeping Mother, from Pillars of Eternity: See Kreia. Sensing a pattern, yet? Ulysses wanted to nuke everyone back into a fresh apocalyptic state, it's what humanity deserved, he just wanted to watch them burn.

Avellone has often said that that's what he'd wish for the Fallout franchise. That's not worrying at all, right? Okay, how about how in a recent interview, with all of the cocksure arrogance of a sociopath, he told an interviewer that he prefers 'smart evil?' He'd prefer to 'talk two people into killing one another' rather than actually save anyone. Or Tyranny, which was Avellone's brainchild? That was a world of villainy and evil, lead by sociopaths... Cor, have to wonder if you're sensing a pattern yet. I am.

Oh, and he took an ending out of a game that allowed a group of sapient creatures a future, and a chance at happiness. Why? They weren't human, he believed that their purpose in the story was to die and suffer. Oh yes, did I mention that Avellone is a bit of a crackpot?

And yet people love him.

So, let's move onto a fictional example. Rocket Raccoon was originally an abrasive character with a heart of gold, much like John Constantine. I adored him. That's when he was written by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning. Did you know that Rocket had a different origin than the dreary rot the films put him through? He was originally a fluffy artificial life form created to help the mentally disabled and disturbed. In DnA's run on Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket was a really nice fellah, reliable, and a genius. Definitely a bit rough around the edges, to be sure, but a stand up bloke nonetheless.

So, Rocket Raccoon is handed over to Bendis. Brian Michael Bendis...

Brian "Misogyny'n snuff porn is my bag, yo!" Bendis. Brian "I think it's super funny when Elektra gets kicked hard in the vagina by a guy, especially when the onomatopoeia is FOOM!" Bendis. Brian "If a woman didn't get shot in the head in this issue, I didn't write it!" Bendis. Brian "I hate Grant Morrison and Alan Moore just because they're British and that scares me!" Bendis. Brian "It's so funny whenever Tigra gets humiliated, stripped down, forced to do naughty things on camera, and then gets brutally raped by white villains. 'Cause I hate her and that makes it funny! Hehe!" Bendis. Brian "When I write Doctor Doom, he gets to call a woman a 'fat cow whore' and it's totally in character!" Michael God Damn Fucking Bendis.

So, yes, Bendis is also a sociopath. We won't talk about that, here, though. I think I've already covered my grievances above well enough. Suffice it to say though that this man has a history of being shitty to women in comics. And you can probably guess what happens to Rocket, right? Rocket is now a misogynistic sociopath. Hooray. He's a massive arsehole. And not the kind that has a heart of gold, of course. Oh no, not even slightly. He's just a humongous pile of shit.

Cheers, Bendis. You desperate, oversexed and sexually frustrated tosspot. I don't want to be around for the next character you drag over hot coals. That, loves, is why I no longer 'Make Mine Marvel.' More like, 'Take Thine Garble... and shove it where the sun don't shine!' I'm sorry, I have to be facetious, I can't make it through this any other way.

The world is just obsessed with sociopathy.

Take a running kick at a cat's skull to post up on Youtube? Haha, it's funny! Grab a dolphin out of its water, toss it around and abuse it on camera for the purpose of selfies? It's fiiine! When did we start excusing this kind of shit? When did we begin to turn a blind eye? When did it become okay for some charismatic, inbred pigfucker to ruin Britain for everyo--Okay, now I'm getting too specific, aren't I?

That's the truth of it, though. All it takes is charisma and a Machiavellian mind and you can get away with anything! You can be the world's biggest dickhole and people will just cheer you on, no matter what you do! It doesn't matter who gets hurt in the process, does it? And that's where this pus-filled bubo on the face of humanity I 'affectionately' call the Alt-Blight rose from. This is the kind of hell we're living in where somone can have people genuinely think they're hot shit and the greatest new thing since sliced bloody bread for driving a car into a crowd of peaceful protestors!

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD???

I come back to Rocket Raccoon in my head. A fluffy critter made to help out the mentally infirm and troubled, reinvented in this cool, hip new age of rabid sociopathy to be a psychopathic, crazy cyborg killer. Why?

Why any of this?

Extraverts.

It's the conclusion I keep coming to and the one I can never get away from. It's what I pointed out when I linked that video from Mike Rowlands just a li'l bit back where he was pointing out how an Alt-Blight arsehat was being a filthy, pathological liar. In one shot, putting on a sob story about how his ilk are just 'peaceful,' not at all violent like the left, and so unfairly 'persecuted for having wrong opinions,' boo-hoo; In another shot, shown counting and bragging about his many, many, many guns.

Extraverts are enablers. They're a hoard, a hive, a buzzing little collective of workers that empower sociopaths by being taken in by them, granting these nutcases power beyond reckoning through their sheer numbers. This is how Trump happened, becasue affiliative extraverts are so easily brainwashed, conditioned, and tricked. All you have to do is convince them they're being clever, that they're in the 'in crowd,' that their chosen social tribe is the most hip, happenin', 'kewl' one out there? And they will, each and every one, collectively swear a holy blood oath to a known murderer.

And thanks to that, we're in a position where it's 'cool' to be a sociopath, psychopath, or other kind of crazy. it's 'seductive,' it's 'hot,' it's 'alluring,' it's 'pull your heads out of your fucking arses.' This isn't Twilight. It's 'strong,' it's 'powerful,' it's 'money,' it's 'stop being so damn deluded while the world dies around you.' With readily denied real issues rotting the world we live on, like global warming and overpopulation, this earth's not going to be around much longer. So why?

Why?

Do you just not care about your children? At all? Or your grand kids?

You bunch of bloody soggy-brained lunatics. That's all I can really say on the matter, isn't it? Singing and dancing while the world burns around you. You bloody lunatics.

I'm just going to talk a liittle about something personal that means a bit to me before I wrap this up. It's even managed to invade the furry community, to worrying degrees. When the Internet was younger, when there were few extraverts (because the Internet was wickedly complicated and they'd not the salted noodles enough to figure it out), the furry fandom was such a genuinely lovely place. It was. You should've seen Furcadia at its height, it was lovely. There were these little communities hosted on servers called MUCKS where fantastically brilliant, singular people got together to dream and imagine things only the brightest furry minds would.

It's why there were a lot of furries involved in video game development in the '90s and early '00s, you know? True story. Look into it. Dr. Cat is but one example. Anyway, it was good. And now? The Alt-Blight have invaded these MUCKs, chased all of the light and wonder away, so these are now tainted, festering hellholes of hatred. It's bizarre to walk through them again and, crestfallen, see how that cancer has made them sick with bile.

Even furries now have to deal with the Alt-Blight. I'm sure a lot of furries might think it's cool. That's the friggernaffin' Zeitgeist, isn't it? Sociopathy is so cool, hot, powerful, and sexy, and a giant taintfest of hatred, let's please never forget that part. It's a very important part, I think.

So it's everywhere. I feel like it's overtaking everything that ever meant something to me. So this is a fight. It has to be. In its own way, this is a war. This is the most abstract war anyone's ever fought. It's a war fought by abstracts against abstracts. It's a war fought against hatred, by compassion; It's a war fought against intolerance, by acceptance; It's a war fought against arrogance, by knowledge; It's a war fought against propaganda, by independent thought; It's a war fought against collectivism, by creativity; It's a war fought against the worst of us, by the best of us.

So, you know. I might be an abrasive buttface, and that's fine, because my heart's always in the right place. I'm not a misogynist, I don't abuse animals, I'm hardly about to run a car into a crowd of people... I think this defines the very opposite of who I am. I've chosen my side. I think that's something we all have to do, now, because it's necessary. Because this is happening and we're not going to be able to hide our heads in the sand any longer.

I get to choose to be 'a poncy, SJW, politically correct sissboy' or... well, a monster. An actual monster. Which is what they are. It might be evangelical, but it's how we have to look at the world, now. So I'm proud to be an SJW, I've said it in the past. I couldn't be more proud, I couldn't be happier! I derive great personal worth from this, because I'm not a monster.

Monsters of yore might have had scales or fur, they might've been fifty stories tall or come in flying saucers. The monster of today has white skin, they're not that tall, either, and they certainly didn't arrive in flying saucers. No, these monsters are home-grown. They're our monsters. And we have to recognise them as such.

If you see a Nazi, say Nazi. That's what every sociopath, psychopath, and associated nutjob out there is going to be. The Alt-Blight, what have you? Nazi. Even ex-neo Nazis will tell you that the Alt-Blight are Nazis.

So can we stop glorifying and empowering monsters now, please?

This is a dark time in history, one of those things where the younger generations will look back and shake their heads in such terrible shame. So let's come out swinging and put this Nazi blight to rest. Once and for all.

Citations

Abused Cat Abused Dolphin Avellone Prefers Sociopathy Example of Bendis's Sociopathy Alt-Blight Furry Troubles Alt-Blight MUCK Taint Alt-Blight Brainwashing