#my parents' friends are LOUD
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#Byler#Stranger Things#Mike Wheeler#Will Byers#Fanart#Byler Fanart#My brain is MUSH#it's 0:18 AM rn and since there's still a birthday party downstairs I won't be able to sleep for at least another hour#my parents' friends are LOUD#anyways#byler ftw#soso stop drawing will with sunflowers challenge failed again#FluffyFangirlArt#literal no thoughts head empty only byler
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it’s about old friends. all of it.
#talking to my friend for hours and just catching up and having a laugh like that’s what life is all about!!!!#actually talking about serious things out loud to another human being whom you love and trust and whom loves and supports you and offers gen#genuine advice is so freeing. like am I still scared to tell my parents about these thoughts? yes but everything seems that much easier now
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things get better. my best friend in the world got top surgery after us talking about it for years. i'm getting mine next year. i have genuine friends now who teach me everyday what love looks like. love looks like going to an arcade and talking for hours at the bar instead. love looks like planning road trips to our hometowns. love looks like choosing our regalia colors together. love looks like learning our language. love looks like compression binders. love looks like top surgery scars. love looks like sweet grass tattoos.
things get better.
#i just remember being a kid and trying to picture my future and coming up blank#never thought I'd have friends who invitr me to shows and genuinely excited to introduce me#I've got this great friend i met at work and she's so fucking awesome!#the exact girl I'd see as a kid and was like god i wanna know her i wanna be her friend#and everytime we talk it's like light casting both ways#im so thankful for my family#im so thankful for my uncle who tells me so many funny stories#for all the endless conversations. for teaching me about our people. telling me about where we come from. feeding me spaghetti after sweat#holding my earrings at the powwow. im thankful for my cousins and their loud beautiful laughter#and for finally fucking accepting that my parents not wanting to be apart of my life doesn't mean I can't live it#wado to friends and family#and actually looking forward to the future now ❤️#vent
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#mlp#spacie spoinks#bruisecrew parent is me btw skjfskjdfsdf#the mwahster is dool my good friend dool#anyways this was really funny 2 me okay bye school and this epic fucking bunger awaitss#im so hunfry#I LUAGHED OUT LOUD#AJKFSHJFHKSJDF
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Xenoblade 3 artbook is crazy because on the one hand you've got really cool lore drops or info that makes the vision clearer.
And on the other I've got the mental image of Vandam Xenoblade 2 teaching Mythra the secret to getting a trans girl pregnant.
#Xenoblade#Xenoblade 3#Xenoblade Spoilers#Nia#Mio#Mythra#seriously funny to me that there was a debate in my friend group when i brought up Sena's parents likely being Mòrag and Brighid#if i said my thoughts about the situationship between Rex Pyra Mythra and Nia out loud my bi guy friend would explode#like how else are you meant to take Mio pneuma core crystal concept art#your honour Nia and Mythra fucked nasty and i can prove it
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Overstimulated and depressive at the Easily-Palatable Pride™️ event, how is everyone else doing??
#why is everything so loud and also I embarrassed myself#so therefor the brain worms are telling me I should die :D (/dramatic)#we’re at the event because my brothers friend is a lesbian and her parents are homophobic#so we lied and said we were going to the arcade but we’re actually here for her to experience it#sitting on a curb outside of the event boundaries so that the music isn’t horribly loud#also the police are here to pretend they’re supportive so that’s a whole other thing#> hey cecil says a thing! <
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I want a church community 😭
#robin processes emotions on main#I've stumbled and fallen and been lying limp in the mud 😭#I don't have a church community. I have my parents' church but I'm not really part of that. I have a church for the college year#but I'm not really part of that either#it's just so big and loud and I'm overwhelmed and don't know anyone and can't hardly speak when it's so LOUD#and all churches are like that!!! what am I to do!!! how do you turn Ordeal Every Week (Alone With Strangers) into Faith Family!!!#I CAN'T I don't have TIME to build new significant relationships I don't know how to MAKE time#but I feel like I have to but AAAAAAAAAAAAAA 😭#I haven't even gone to church for the past two weeks#I have no stable faith community other than my friends and that's IMPORTANT and GOOD but it's not enough#I want stability in physical community#and I don't know if I can DO that this year#hhhhhhg#pray for me please and if you have words of advice or encouragement I would love to hear them
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Luzu: Quackity m’hijo
During Thursday’s event, Luzu accidentally called his son Ollie “Quackity” and got teased by Lana (his wife), but afterwards he said “Quackity is my son” while smiling 🥺
#Karmaland#Luzu#Quackity#This was genuinely SO cute I gasped so loud when I saw this 🥺#Lana saying ''Too much Quackity on your mind!'' made me crack up#It's so sweet that Quackity and Luzu have become such good friends#but also it's frickin adorable that Quackity's being his chaotic self and Luzu's like [harassed parent voice] QUACKITY PLEASE#very interesting contrast to the characters they play considering. Well. Y'know#oh my gosh though I can't believe he called Ollie Quackity#AND HE SAID QUACKITY'S HIS SON....WAH....#congrats on the new father Quackity#also my condolences Luzu you''re so lucky he didn't hear you say this#Quackity would either A) be a complete menace about this and tease him#or B) he'd be really flattered and touched (and then still tease him)#Also:#I think this goes without saying but don't be weird about this in the comments or tags#Ollie
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@via-the-cryptid YOU DONNT GET TO DO THIS TO ME!!!!
I JUST WANT TO GIVE HER A HUG!! and YOU INFLICT ANGST UPON THE CHILD??
jail for Via! jail for Via for one thousand years!
#under another sun fanart#my art#rottmnt#i know its sketchy but i needed to post this before i lost the driving emotions#Leo was given the energy of being at a friends house when your friends parents start arguing really loud#just- Leo must be experianceing the weirdest emotions right now.
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i promised not to have more long WIPs but oh my god i'm surrounded by ENABLERS. i'm outlining </3 i'm making a playlist </3 i'm fucked </3 chaptered fic in september maybe
#lou is loud#came up with the idea of a phanfic based off a traumatic experience in my best friend's childhood and half expected them to be like omg no#that would be so fucked up#unfortunately i have never met anyone who matched my freak so well. they said nooooo it would be so good though#and they're RIGHT. i just gave dan a fuckton of my childhood trauma and it feels sooooo good#writing updates#not sure how many details i want to share rn because still very early stages#but if you hate your parents and love projecting onto dan: this is the fic for you <3#phan#childhood trauma au
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It's 2am why are you coming into my house to pee you live next door
#*p#Can my sister and her friends stoppp#Why did one of them join them at midnight and then they left and then came back at 1 and woke me up and now they're back again#They're out doing stupid shit (stealing their parents cars) (i have already hidden our cars keys bc im smarter than that)#They must think I'm asleep. So why are they talking out loud. Im abt to yell at them#Living that hag life yk
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i wonder, if i ever met a dropout watcher irl and somehow managed to not drop a reference anywhere in my time around them and so they wouldn't know i watched anything from it, how fast they would catch onto me from my speech patterns, or how fast they would realize in retrospect where all these things come from upon finding out. or like, alternatively, someone getting to know me irl and then being introduced to dropout, and suddenly having a frame of reference for like. what a lot of my speaking habits are probably modeled after. does it show that i watch dropout? do i talk like a good percentage of the audible conversation i am exposed to in my daily life comes from one streaming platform? would love to know. would truly love to know
#aspen tag#it really is like. like.#there is only so much of sentence delivery you can convey online and i STILL think i'm noticable out here#but like. in my head? just fucking thinking my thoughts?#i will look back in on myself like a hall of mirrors and go “oh i am putting emphasis on this sentence exactly like brennan does”#or “oh i am doing this thing to make people laugh that i picked up from aabria”#i straight up like do not see ppl irl often or rlly even like talk to people out loud with my mouth all that much#bc not all the friends i have online rlly vc and i'm also not always awake when they do#or i'll be like bouncing around between discord and watching something and i don't catch that they're on until they're not doing it anymore#and . ..... this is a rheka voice. is what i'm doing as i'm thinking this#sorry. anyways. back on track#i don't have a job i'm not in school i have like ... just started a hobby but i haven't really connected with anyone there yet etc#the people i have conversations out loud with regularly can be sorted into two categories and they are my parents and doctors#so like i have so little frame of reference for what i am like in actual conversation with ppl just out of scarcity of data to work with#and like ..... idk. it'd be interesting#obviously i know i'm mirroring it because i'm in my own head#but i don't know to what degree it'd be noticable to other people (if at all)#it'd just be cool to dig into if i ever got the chance#and like. y'know. obviously there's like the “in-credible” level tells and shit. but like. inflection? wording habits?#the stuff that's like. influences. as opposed to direct draws. i SAID smth about this in the tags and somewhere in the edits it got lost#so. yeah. that stuff. that stuff
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TWELVE................
#12 year tumblrversary#tumblr milestone#this information confuses and vexes me#I made this blog when I was 14?? that's insane#I remember it pretty well too#I was a freshman in high school but already scheming to drop out and go to college early#(which I did btw. high school sucked & a little less than 1 year was all I could put up with)#I made an account here bc my friends from neopets all had one#and I kept it a secret from my parents bc they didn't want me having any social media#like 2 years in my mom discovered it and had me read my posts out loud to her. deeply embarrassing moment for everyone involved#it's fine tho she let me keep it lol#and I'm still here I suppose
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i’m trying to rmbr when exactly the last concert i went to ended (since i wanna go to another one soon hopefully 🤞) but i genuinely can’t find ANY record of it at ALL. fuck why aren’t i more of a screen-ager i should’ve posted abt it on instagram the moment it ended or smth :(
#the ONLY thing i can possibly think of is phone calls. but apparently to see my further call history i have to check w/ my cell provider#AND WE JUST SWITCHED TO ROGERS LIKE 3 DAYS AGO. GODDAMMIT#.txt#the timing is relevant bc i’m not allowed to go to concerts + i’m only allowed sleepovers in a very limited quantity + my curfew is#slightly l8r than it was last yr so i wanna see if i need to use a sleepover if we end up going to one..#i didn’t text anyone when it ended. i didn’t post abt it anywhere till like the day after. i didn’t dm the friend who’s place i spent that#night at. we walked to a further streetcar stop just for funsies so i can’t even check my presto history. GOD#ik i called my parents right after it ended bc my dad called me during it but it was too loud 4 me to pretend it was just a sleepover so i j#told him i had bad signal lol
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.
#Howwwww is it 5am already I want to go home#I begged my parents and sibling to let me go home to my own bed and they wouldn't let me#I don't want to be the solution to our family problems I want to go be alone and not here#I understand me being around more would make our parents nicer and give my siblings someome sane to talk to#But I want to die and I don't want to be here and I don't care about any of these people#Once again them forcing me to go to their house made me miss an assignment. So that class is genuinely failed now.#It makes me so frustrated I could cry. Every time I say I'm doing school work#Or say I can't drop everything and drive forty minutes to their house. they laugh at me#They genuinely laugh and say I'm such a liar and I'm faking and there's no way I ever do any school work#I'm actually shaking I'm so frustrated they don't understand. That's how long it takes me.#Why can't they just realize I'm a dumbass fucking idiot. I'm so fucking stupid#I'm literally so stupid. Intellectually I'm a fucking idiot and I am so useless and slow.#Stop trying to believe I have potential to fucking waste#The fact is there is no potential but I'm fucking wasting anyway#I'm so. Dumb. When I say I'm doing school work I mean I looked at the tab and got nervous about how overdue#everything is and how I'm failing and everyone wants me to leave my safety for their own inane bullshit#I wouldn't be failing this class at all if I had been able to complete the first week on time#instead of like. sitting outside a convention center alone and in agony for Five (5) hours.#Kudos to the devil for creating the exact perfect circumstances to kill me in particular#I should reach out and go to a friend's house and it would be good for me. But.#There's no way I'm going to see or speak to anyone in this state of everything#Everyone else around me seems to have improved in mental health I'm not going to ruin that by making them let me come over#No one really believes any of the problems I have like even I don't. how are you that stupid. just stop having these problems.#I can't go to a friend's house when I have problems like this. Last time I had a breakdown and scared the fucking host and#their partner had to be the one to comfort me because I was crying too loud for autistic ears :(#I can't do that to anyone again#I'm not kidding when I say I'm a huge burden genuinely I exist to be upsetting and inconvenient and frustrating#I am literally the most selfish person to ever have existed. Just objectively. I don't care about anyone or anything at all.#I don't love my friends or my family and I don't care about what they want or need. truthfully.#I just want to sit in my tiny room where nothing changes and no one expects me to drive anywhere holy fucking shit it's 6am
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who up ignoring the crazy visions of them in la
#chappell roan save me. save meeeeee#i fear i forgot just how badly i wanted to get out of this house a year ago!!#like it's nothing big. it's just ten million little things and i don't fucking fit here. i love it so much but i don't fit#arguably i don't fit at uni either but that's different. i don't fit at uni because i'm socially anxious. i'll fit eventually#not fitting at home feels pervasive and bone deep. but it's fine#alot of it's the lesbianism. at uni i'm just a fail lesbian and it's normal#at home i'm a semi closeted fail lesbian and every time that's Percieved i want to die#like people don't care in the ways that matter. i'm not about to be hatecrimed kicked out etc#but ten million little things!! all the time!! i'm going to scream!!#i shouldn't let it get to me i did this for like four years. this is four months and i've done one already#but fucking christ jesus fuck i hate this!! i have to drive forty minutes to see my friends!! no wonder i never developed social skills!!#i have to hide my phone screen with ninety percent of the stuff i watch bc i can't be arsed having the piss taken out of me!!#whenever someone comes into my room my laptop is on it's homescreen!!#i don't feel comfortable listening to a lot of music out loud because it's embarrassing!!#i'm so scared of being judged all the time and i lived like this since i was eleven really!!#i love my parents but sometimes they say stuff and it's like holy shit!! you kind of suck!! and you're still my friends!!#sorry. normal again. who up feeling the void where their soul should be amirite
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