#i know its sketchy but i needed to post this before i lost the driving emotions

[space-spaghetti-s-universe]

@via-the-cryptid YOU DONNT GET TO DO THIS TO ME!!!!

I JUST WANT TO GIVE HER A HUG!! and YOU INFLICT ANGST UPON THE CHILD??

jail for Via! jail for Via for one thousand years!

[wiypt-writes]

Guilty As Charged

Guilty As Charged: Bucky Barnes One Shot

Summary: Defence Attorney James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is the absolute bane of your life…

Pairing: Lawyer AU Bucky Barnes x Reader (Frenemies!)

Warnings: Bad language words.

Word Count- Under 2k

A/N:  This was originally posted on my old blog ages ago, but I’ve just given it a little polish and thought, seeing as I’m on the Bucky Train at the moment, I’d bring it back. Also, my knowledge on US Criminal Law is sketchy at best, so humour me…

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this bar reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist // Main Masterlist

*******

In God We Trust, the words set about the Judge’s podium were fixed in your vision, motes of dust moving freely in the rays of sunlight which were streaming through the large, ornate windows of the court room and you took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, concentrating on expelling the nerves you were feeling with the air that left your mouth and lungs.

No matter how many times you were in this position, the reading of the verdict still got to you. Your gaze turned to the jury, as the judge did the same, that all important question ringing across the room, the air stiflingly tense.

“On the charge of murder in the first degree, do you find the defendant or not guilty"

“Not guilty.”

Fuck.

Cheers from the defendants family drowned out your loud groan as you rubbed at your temple. Looking over at your colleague, Sam, you shook your head in utter disbelief.

The judge continued through the remaining charges, second-degree murder and voluntary manslaughter, and your despair grew as the same verdict was returned for each.

You’d lost. And it stung, not merely because of your near perfect conviction rate, but for the family of the victim you were one-hundred percent convinced the accused.

"Y/N this wasn't your fault.” Sam stated in a low voice but you simply sighed again and shrugged.

"I was sure they'd see through his lies,” you glanced over to your right where the defence team, headed up by James Buchanan Barnes of Barnes and Rogers Law firm were shaking hand with each other and their defendant. Barnes' face was arranged in the usual smug look that you always had the urge to slap right off it. His partner, Steve, glanced over at you and gave you a genuine, sympathetic smile.

He’s always the most courteous out of the two, the one you actually didn’t mind dealing with when it came to cases.

"He fucking did it Y/N," Sam's voice was almost a growl, "I know he did."

"Well in the eyes of the law he didn’t." You stated, standing up.

The commotion continued behind you, as the defendant was told he was free to go. Making sure to keep your head down, you hastily shuffled your papers back into their respective files and packed your briefcase up. Picking up your jacket, you shrugged it on, smoothing down pencil skirt before you head to leave the courtroom before Barnes can pipe up with his usual smart ass quips. But you're not quite fast enough. "Commiserations Miss Y/LN, can't win em all." The familiar Brooklyn drawl hit your ears.

"Buck," Steve sighed "c'mon pal..."

You grit your teeth. You know you shouldn't rise to it, but you just can’t help it. The man is an utter jack ass in the courtroom. Spinning to face him, you shot him your best contemptuous glare, the one you always reserve for those people you really cannot stand, and looked at him like he was something you'd just trodden in.

"You know Barnes, there is such a thing as being gracious in victory as well as defeat." "Defeat?” He asked, looking at Steve with a puzzled expression on his face, “no, not sure what that is." "Eat shit.” You mumbled before turning to Sam who was stood behind you, watching the exchange. You nod to him and the two of you continued up the aisle towards the exit. The victim's family were congregated outside and all at once the start barraging you with questions.

"How did that happen?"

"You said it was a cert he would go down!”

"What about a private prosecution?”

You sighed and turn to look at them, you were exhausted. "I'm sorry.” You shook your head. “That new evidence that his attorney submitted, it was just threw too much of a doubt into the juries mind..." you held your hand up to gently silence them. “If you're serious about a private prosecution then I can meet you next week to discuss and put you in touch with a few people but I’m sorry, as far as the State’s involvement goes…I can’t do anymore."

Escaping as quickly as you could, you and Sam headed back to your office. After a short meeting with your boss, the District Attorney, who was as pissed as you were that the prosecution had failed, you emerged feeling twice as tired and battered as you had when you’d left the courtroom.

As Sam stated, there was only one thing left you could do. Drink alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

It was a short walk to your preferred bar, having decided to abandon your car and collect it in the morning. You were going to get drunk. Really drunk. "Hey Y/N, hey Sam." Clint, the bar tender greeted you. “I hear it wasn't a great day.” You looked up and saw he was pointing to the TV behind the bar. It was on a news channel, focussing on a report from earlier that afternoon which wasn’t surprising. The case had thrown up huge public interest ever since the body of the teenage girl has been found in the alleyway in Queens. The defendant confessed but somehow, the new evidence submitted was an alleged recording that the defence had gotten their hands on as proof the confession was taken under duress. If you were being totally honest, you had to admit that it didn't sound great, the officer did seem to be leaning heavily on the defendant, but the other evidence was, no, IS overwhelming.

But all it needed was that little seed of doubt, which the defence sowed expertly, and the jury couldn't convict. And now, thanks to Barnes and Rogers, specifically Barnes, in your mind a dangerous killer was walking free. As you stared at the television, you saw Barnes on the screen with the defendant, all smiles and Steve at his side. Barnes greeted the press with a raised hand. "Clint turn it over man." Sam almost pleaded and Clint shot you both a sympathetic look, before he pointed the remote at and flicked the report over to a mundane, late afternoon game show. You ordered 2 beers, and then settled at the bar on one of the tall chairs, crossing your bare, heeled legs as you and Sam began to dissect the case. You couldn’t help it, you always did this, analyse where you went wrong or right.

The pair of you got that enthralled in your discussions, that before you know it, it was an hour lager and you're now four beers deep... and Sam was fielding an angry phone call from his wife, Natasha. "I gotta go, boss." He sighed, apologetically, “it’s my little girl’s dance recital at six and if I miss this one, Nat’s gonna hang me out to dry!” You waved his explanation off. “Its fine, Sam. Oh, and take the morning tomorrow. That case has had us working all hours and I don’t intend on being there till lunch. Clint, gimme a bourbon please?" "Don't let Barnes get to you.” Sam sighed. “You know what he is like" "Smug, arrogant and annoyingly self-righteous.” You nodded. “Yup, I got it.” Sam smiled and dropped a friendly kiss to your cheek. "See you later." Clint slid the glass of bourbon over to you and you smiled before pulling out your phone to check a few emails and your social media. You were just reading through an article about a Billionaire in Manhattan who had designed some kind of metal suit that allowed him to fly (because that's gonna end well), when a familiar voice broke your concentration. "Can I buy you a drink?" You rolled your eyes and looked up at Bucky Barnes as he leaned on the bar, still in his suit, although he had dispensed of his black and white tie, and opened his top button. This was another thing you hated about him. He is utterly gorgeous. Like GQ cover gorgeous, especially in his sharp suits and silk ties.

And he fucking knows it, too. "Depends." You shrugged, throwing back the remainder of your bourbon. "Does it come with a side helping of irritating smugness?" He chuckled. "I'm off duty, Doll so no."

"In that case I'll have another Monkey Shoulder." You slid the empty glass back to Clint. "Take it you're not driving home?" Barnes asked, his azure eyes running over your bare legs. "Well if I do and I get caught, I'm sure you can get me off any charges.” You replied sharply, shooting him a look that made it clear you caught him eyeing you up. And it isn't the first time either. That's another reason you clash so much in the courtroom. Sexual tension. Fucking jerk. He barked out a laugh "You're really not happy with me are you?" "Not particularly." You shook your head, thanking Clint as he pushed the now full glass back to you, with a small wink. It's a double, you noticed. That should set Barnes back a bit. Bucky reached for his beer and after a pull he looked directly at you. "Come work for me." He said and you groaned.

Not this again. "I'm a prosecutor." You rolled your eyes. "Not a defence attorney. I told you that last time you asked. And the time before, and the time before that." "I'm nothing if not persistent." He winked, turning in his stool so he was facing you. "Besides, I can teach you the ways of the dark side." "You’d love that wouldn't you?" You snort. "Oh, Sweetheart you have no idea." He leaned forward slightly, his elbow on the bar and this time he is blatantly staring at the flash of skin that was showing above the buttons on your blouse. "My face is up here, ass hole." With a smirk he raised his deep, blue eyes and they locked onto yours. Despite yourself, you feel your breath hitch slightly. Dammed him and his sex appeal. "Why are you always this insufferable?" You eventually tore your gaze away from his and picked up your drink, glancing up at the TV as an excuse not to look at him. "Ah come on Y/N, don’t be like that." He reached out to squeeze your hand which was resting on the back of the tall chair you were sat in. "We could make a great team..." You raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Professionally.” He added, his eyes not leaving yours as he took another large drink of his beer, and you pulled your hand away from under his. "I'd kill you within five minutes of us being in the same office." You glared at him as you took another sip from your drink. He chuckled and eyed you again, “to be fair I'm not sure Stevie would be able to function with a beautiful dame such as yourself in close proximity. He still flusters around any woman that isn’t his Peggy.” "That's because Steve is a happily married man." "So am I." He shot back. Ah yes, Mrs Barnes… "Your wife deserves a medal. She must have the patience of a fucking saint to put up with you." You said into your glass. "I have other hidden qualities which mean she's prepared to overlook my slightly less favourable personality traits." He quipped, and you looked back to see that lopsided grin on his face that flips your stomach. Behave Y/N. "They must be very hidden." You mused, and he let out another loud laugh.   "You're killing me, Doll.” "Good." You drained your glass. The liquid burnt your throat and you could feel the effects of the alcohol from the last few hours as your brain started to hum. You looked at Barnes who was watching you, his eyes shining with all the cheekiness of a teenage boy and you know you need to leave before you do something stupid.

Like snogging his dumb, handsome face off. "I think it's time I got going." You said simply, standing up. Barnes gave a nod, draining his bottle. “Yeah I should be making tracks too. Wife to see to, you know how it is.” You stood and he did the same, and you realised he was holding up your jacket, ready for you to slide your arms into. Narrowing your eyes slightly at his sudden chivalry, you couldn’t help the small smile that flickered across your face as you turned and allowed him to help you into it. His hands dropped to your shoulders and he span you round gently and smiled with those perfect teeth, a smile that lit up his beautiful face, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Lead the way Mrs Barnes.” He instructed softly, dropping a tender kiss to your lips. "You know it's a good job I love you,” you smiled, sliding your arms up round his neck. "Yeah, I know." "Although right now I'm struggling to remember why." "Well, when we get home I'll just have to show you some of those hidden qualities I was talking about, see if they help jog your memory.” You bit your lip slightly at the dark flash of desire that flit across his eyes, and you leant up to brush your lips across his stubbled jawline. "Unanimous verdict,” your voice drops slightly as you pull back and he smirked again, “guilty as charged.” You tossed Clint a good bye, linked your hand into your husband’s and he walked you outside into the brisk wind, his arm pulling you close, his lips pressed a soft kiss to your temple. Yeah, James Buchanan Barnes might be an insufferable, arrogant ass hole in the courtroom, but outside it he's simply your Bucky.

[mercurysstars]

All That Glitters Is Not Gold (part 5)

Summary: Y/n gets hired to be the avengers chief physician and also happens to be an ex assassin.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: Avengers doing domestic things.

A/N: A silly chapter before some shiii starts going down. Also I’m posting two chapters because I really hated this one.

𝘚𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳

𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴' 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴

_

"Come on it's not that hard just up and over." Bucky once again demonstrated to Sam how to throw the knife over his arm and catch it. Wanda had her feet kicked up on Y/n's desk painting her nails and Y/n was watering her plants on her office window seal.

Sam took the knife from Bucky and attempted to do what he showed him but failed which caused the knife to fall and slide across the floor. He muttered a few curse words and picked it up. Sam once again flung the knife up, he went to catch it but Y/n was quicker snatching it out of the air.

"No more throwing knives in my office, you're going to cut off your fingers, and IM the one who's going to have to stitch them back on." Y/n hissed.

"Oh come Y/n don't be a buzzkill you should trust me," Sam exclaimed.

"No, I'd trust a sketchy party clown for hire who likes to take 'bathroom brakes' more than you." Wanda scoffed.

"Don't you guys have a job to do? People, to save instead of bothering me?" Y/n put her hands on her hips.

"Don't lie to use doll we know you like having us around." Bucky grinned.

"No, no I don't. You guys are like cockroaches in a shitty Brooklyn apartment that no matter how hard you try you just can't seem to rid of." Y/n waves the knife around in her hand pointing to the three Avengers.

As much as Y/n loved her newfound friends they were distracting and caused her to get little work done, though Tony probably wouldn't care as he was the number one slacker, Y/n still liked to pull her own weight.

Y/n walked back around her desk and plopped down next to Wanda, she took the nail polish and began to do the nails that Wanda couldn't.

Bucky rolled his eye "Anyways, when are you going to move in?"

"Well, Tony said I could hook the SHIELD trailer onto my car and I have everything packed I just need someone to help me move." She shrugged.

Wanda perked up and grinned "I'll help, I've always wanted to see the apartment that you're found enough of to drive an hour and back to every day."

"An hour? I thought you lived in Brooklyn." Sam said.

"Nope." Y/n popped the 'P' "I live in Hell's Kitchen."

Bucky frowned "That neighborhood with all those vigilantes?" Y/n just nodded.

"Well, I and Buck will help." Sam put his arm around Bucky. He tried to shrug it off and Sam pulled tighter.

Y/n thought for a moment, it would definitely help to have more than one other person to do the heavy lifting, and anything she didn't want anyone seeing was packed away so it could work.

She shrugged "Okay we can go we I get off which is in about 30 minutes."

Y/n stood up "But in the meantime, I need to work and I can't do that with dumb and dumber around." She started to push Bucky and Sam out of the room.

"Oh come on Y/n don't be like that." Bucky teased.

She gave the final shove "Wanda and I will meet you by the first-floor elevator in 45 minutes."

Both Sam and Bucky opened their mouth to protest "Bye." Y/n waved and slammed the door.

"Men am I right?"

Y/n scoffed "You're telling me."

_

Wanda and Y/n stepped out of the elevator to see Bucky and Sam leaning against the wall waiting for them. "Boys." She nodded. Y/n and Wanda began to walk over to the front desk while both men trailed along like lost puppies.

Y/n put both arms on the desk and leaned forward. The blonde at the desk looked up with a smile, it dropped for split second, so slight that if you weren't watching you wouldn't have noticed.

"Dr. Y/l/n what can I do for you."

Y/n put on a fake smile and curiously narrowed her eyes "Teresa right? Well, Tony said the trailer was already hooked up to my car I just needed someone to let me into the garage."

"Of course, when you hear buzz head right on."

"Thanks!" She exclaimed.

Y/n turned around and her smile immediately dropped, she walked back over to Wanda and the boys, and they all started to walk to the garage.

"What's her problem?" Y/n nodded over towards the desk.

"Teresa? Well I know she used to be a high-level SHIELD agent but requested to be moved to the front desk, it was a pretty big deal. It happened just right before you started working here actually." Sam told her.

Y/n hummed and opened the door leading to the garage. They walked toward the back and stopped in front of a grey 2010 Honda Civic.

"Here's my baby." She made jazz hands to show off her car.

"This is your car? Being friends Tony Stark I assumed you'd have something newer." Bucky joked.

"I call shotgun," Wanda yelled hopping into the passenger seat.

_

30 minutes into the ride Y/n and Wanda are screaming blank space by Taylor Swift on the top of their lungs while Sam and Bucky are crammed in the back seat trying not to cringe at their 'god awful' singing.

Another 20 minutes and Y/n pulls in front of her apartment. The car was barely at a stop when both men scrambled to get out Wanda chuckled and Y/n just shook her head.

They went inside of the building and once again crammed into the elevator. "You have a really shitty apartment," Sam stated matter of factly.

Y/n rolled her eyes and stepped out of the elevator the three Avengers followed suit and walked behind her while she lead them to her apartment. Y/n pulled out her keys and opened the door.

"Welcome to my humble abode."

Bucky was the first one to step in, he felt something rub against his leg and meowed. He looked down to see a white fluffy cat with emerald green eyes. The cat meowed again and stretched its paws onto his pant leg. Bucky smiled and pick the cat up. The cat immediately began to nudge into him and purr. Bucky turned to Y/n.

"What's his name?"

Y/n arms were crossed and was leaning against the doorway with an amused looked and her face "Her name is Alpine."

"I forgot you said you had a cat." Wanda squealed.

Y/n chuckled at the redhead and started to walk down her hallway "Alright we only need to grab the boxes and the furniture in my room. Matt said he could take the rest of the furniture and use it for his law firm."

Bucky's face slightly fell and his heart skipped a beat "Matt is that your boyfriend?" Bucky tried to sound as though he was genuine even with the sick feeling in his gut.

Y/n felt as she could sense some slight jealousy in his statement. She got a quick sensation of butterfly's and started to feel a little hope at the possibility that he could be interested in her but she quickly shoved that thought down.

"No, no, you could call him a childhood friend." She breathed.

Bucky's heart began to beat normal again and the wide smile was put back on to his face. Wanda walked over and pulled the cat out of Bucky's arms. Alpine snuggled into Wanda falling back asleep in her arms.

"Well, what are you boys standing around here for, get to work," Wanda exclaimed clapping her hands to show she was serious. Y/n chuckled and both men began to pick up boxes.

Y/n and Wanda sat on the couch watching as Sam and Bucky brought boxes to the car. Y/n and Wanda smirked at each other as they watch Bucky and Sam lift her bed. Seeing the way their muscles move definitely a sight for sore eyes. After an hour of talking and moving they were finally done. Y/n stood up off the couch and stretched her arms.

"Guys that was hard work."

Sam scoffed "All you did was hold the cat while watching us doing the heavy lifting."

"Whatever," Y/n murmured.

"Wanda, why didn't you just use your powers?" Bucky asked.

"I was holding the cat." She shrugged.

Both men rolled their eyes in sync "Will you guys stop whining if I buy you food?" Y/n raised an eyebrow.

"I would never say no to free food." Bucky grinned.

_

Bucky woke up to the feeling of vibrations on his chest, he peeked an eye open to see a blob of white fur. Alpine noticed he was awake and nudge her face against his scruff, he chuckled and sat up.

"How did you get in?" He looked over to see his door still closed and locked, he frowned.

Alpine gave him an innocent look, he lightly nudged the cat to push her onto the bed. Bucky stood up and grabbed his pants, he put them on and grabbed Alpine.

"I've got to bring you back to Y/n's room mommy probably misses you." Talking to a cat wow a new low Barnes He scoffed at himself.

Bucky opened his door and walked the far distance of three feet to Y/n's door and knocked. He heard a muffled come in. He walked into her room to see her going through her boxes. She looked up, saw him, and smiled.

"Hey, Bucky what's up."

"I think this belongs to you." He chuckled nodding toward Alpine who was curled up like a baby in his arms.

"Where did you find her?" Her eyes lit up at the sight of her car.

"Actually she found me first I woke up to her laying on me."

"I think someone's got a crush." Y/n teased.

She grabbed Alpine then she noticed what he was wearing, rather the lack of what he was wearing.

Her eyes traveled down his toned chiseled abs landing on the sweatpants laying low in his hips just above his V line.

"Y/n?" That snapped her out of her trance.

"I'm sorry what were you saying?" Her eyes darted back up toward his face.

"I was saying I'm going to make breakfast do you want some." He raised an eyebrow with a smirk. Y/n's face instantly flushed oh my god he totally caught me checking him out.

"Uh yeah, sure."

Part 6

[twilightofthe]

Anakin Skywalker Has ADHD.  Here’s Why:

I’ve noticed during my time as a neurodivergent person in the Star Wars community that Anakin, a favorite character of mine, displays a lot of neurodivergent traits.  Other people have noticed this too; in particular, @bpdanakins has made a really in depth and detailed post explaining how Anakin having BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) makes a whole lotta sense.  I’ve got ADHD, so this post is gonna be about how I as an ADHD individual see Anakin Skywalker as having ADHD too!!!

Note: Symptoms of ADHD include inability to focus and disorganization.  I have ADHD.  This post is gonna be a wee bit disorganized and I probs won’t be the best at citing a million sources cuz I do not have the mental focus to do that right now.  Thank ye.

So, what is ADHD? (Complicated.  The answer is complicated.) (If you don’t want the general ADHD lecture, just scroll down to where I start talking about Anakin particularly).

ADHD, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, is a neurological disorder that impairs the brain’s executive functions.  People with ADHD have trouble with impulse-control, focusing, and organization.  Basically, ADHD is a developmental weakness in how the brain manages itself.  I like to picture it like a filing cabinet.  Everyone else’s brain has a neatly sorted, labeled, and organized cabinet full of drawers that contain typical brain executive function commands.  ADHD people’s brains have a monkey in them that runs around screeching loudly, ripping labels off drawers, rearranging stuff, throwing the files everywhere, eating the papers and generally making a gigantic mess, so whatever you need to go to the drawers to look for something, it takes you ten times longer to find the mental command you need to do if it’s even still there-- and also the monkey is biting your leg the entire time.

People tend to say that this monkey infestation is a gift because sometimes, occasionally, the monkey will rearrange the papers in a different, special way that makes a beautiful picture that no one’s seen before and you can share it for the world to enjoy and everything’s great, you’re just quirky!  People tend to forget that it can be like that, but 90% of the time it’s more like the monkey has decided to take a massive shit all over the one specific paper you needed really badly and then put it in front of your foot so you step in it and don’t notice until people point out you’re tracking monkey shit paper everywhere.  Anyway.

ADHD is a complex condition and difficult to diagnose because it has so many different varying symptoms, and one person who has ADHD may experience none of the symptoms than another person who also has ADHD does and vice versa because there is a lot.  ADHD also tends to go unnoticed because it overlaps symptoms with a LOT of other mental illnesses an individual might have, so you might not even know you have ADHD if you’re also, say, autistic or bipolar, or again vice versa, because there’s a lot of “same hat” stuff going on there.  

ADHD also can have its own subcategories of mental illness that can also stand on their own, like ADHD-induced anxiety or ADHD-induced depression.  It can be really confusing to know everything going on in your head and put a label on it; for example for me, my doctors and I think I’ve got a separate anxiety disorder that works on its own that my ADHD makes worse, but that the depressive episodes I can suffer likely stem from my ADHD, and don’t need to be tackled individually or say that I have depression.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) has previously identified three subtypes of ADHD:

Primarily Hyperactive-Impulsive type: Mainly have impulse control problems, tend to be impulsive, impatient, and interrupt others.  They fidget, hate sitting still/need to be in constant movement, tend to blurt out what’s on their mind or do what they feel like without thinking it through.  They’re constantly up with the thoughts in their head and have difficulty focusing on a single task unless they’re in hyperfocus mode (explaining more later)

Primarily Inattentive type:  Are easily distracted and forgetful.  Tend to be daydreamers who lose track of memories and personal items with regularity.

Primarily Combined type: Tend to display a mixture of both symptoms.  I was diagnosed as a child with the combined type but leaning more towards inattentive.

Anakin and Signs of ADHD:

SO.  For starters, I see Anakin as primarily combined type with heavy leanings toward hyperactive-impulsivity.  While this type is used to describe the stereotypical hyper little boy media tends to paint ADHD people as, adults can have it too and I see it a lot in Anakin.  ADHD magazine ADDitude gives examples of adults with h-i ADHD as people who find difficulty in waiting around for anything, interrupt others in conversation, make impulsive decisions, and have reckless driving skills.  Sound at all like someone we know?

Now Anakin absolutely checks all of the above boxes, but it’s way more than that, though.  I looked up Healthline’s basic signs and symptoms of Adult ADHD, and I am going to run down the list to show how basically all of them apply to Anakin Skywalker in one way or another.  Let’s begin!

Anakin and LACK OF FOCUS:  ADDitude suggests that saying ADHD people don’t have attention might be a bit misleading.  More accurately, ADHD people have tons of attention, we just can’t harness it in the right direction at the right time with any consistency.  In canon, it is made very clear to us very early on that Anakin has issues with some of the more spiritual aspects of Jedi training, like meditation, because he does not possess the focus necessary to concentrate.  We get other times when Anakin’s on missions with Obi Wan, where it is made clear Anakin has read the mission brief, but he hasn’t done a good job on it as he’s overlooked something.  He gets distracted while in diplomatic situations and Obi Wan needs to tell him to pay attention.  Palpatine is able to pull sketchy shit because he knows how to slip under Anakin’s radar while he’s not too focused on him.  Anakin isn’t always aware of his surroundings, seeing as how basically everyone who knows him knows about Padmé because he’s not good at being subtle; he’s not good at reading a room.  Canon has established that Anakin, while brilliant, has a very flighty attention span and unless it’s something that is deeply important to him or made glaringly obvious, his brain has a tendency to skip over it, and makes him less aware.

Anakin and HYPERFOCUS:  The flip side of ADHD focus issues.  While our brains don’t always want to pay attention to important rules or other peoples’ emotions or basically anything presented to us that we find boring in any shape or form, if we find something we like, we LATCH.  ON.  And we cannot stop concentrating on it, up until the point that we lose track of time and ignore others around us.  In canon, it is shown very easily what Anakin hyperfocuses on.  He’s described in several SW books and is shown in show and movies to completely go into a zone when in combat mode.  He’s good at it, he enjoys it, and saber skills is easily something that he can concentrate and get lost in.  Another obvious one is mechanics.  We see briefly in TCW and bits in the movies where when Anakin is fixing something or piloting something, he kind of drifts away from reality-- he’s got an ear on the situation if there’s danger of course, but he goes just solidly into Tech Mode where all he concentrates on is whatever he’s fixing/piloting at the moment, and that’s why he’s so skilled at what he does.  It’s also possible to hyperfocus on specific ideas or opinions, which you can see in basically every argument Anakin ever gets into with someone.  He’s like a dog with a bone on a topic he wants to discuss Right Now This Very Second and he will not let it go, nor will he allow you to either, because when we hyperfocus, our fixation can bleed into conversation until it takes control of the conversation, without us even knowing we’re doing it, so it can be surprising/embarrassing when someone points out we’re doing it. 

Anakin and DISORGANIZATION:  ADHD people basically struggle with organizational skills.  While we don’t see much of Anakin’s living spaces, we can see from the brief TCW snippets that his living quarters are a little cluttered.  However, he does run a relatively neat army-- though we don’t know how much of that has Rex, Ahsoka, Obi Wan, or someone else to thank for it.  In Anakin, most of the disorganization we see is in his mind.  Priorities can be an issue for ADHD people, and Anakin tends to prioritize the wrong thing at the wrong time at certain points.  He doesn’t always know what to say or how to say it, making him awkward and not very eloquent when speaking.

Anakin and TIME MANAGEMENT PROBLEMS: An issue that goes hand-in-hand with disorganization.  We have trouble using time effectively.  We procrastinate on things we don’t want to do, show up late, ignore things we consider boring, and the idea of the future or the past is overwhelming and or scary to us and can cause panic-- we need to focus on the now and the now alone because if we try to cross that bridge before we get to it, we might end up burning it.  All throughout TCW, we get Obi Wan in particular, but others as well, harping on Anakin for showing up late.  And, uh, he kinda does.  He makes it, he always does, but it’s always at the last minute just when everyone’s worried he’s not gonna show up.  He sometimes doesn’t go to important meetings.  He puts off paperwork.  Lots of people use all of this to make fun of him, be like “ah, he’s a bad Jedi, he’s lazy”, but like, that’s standard ADHD time management issues.  And fear of the future?  Hoo boy...  Anakin may handle his fears of the future in the literal worst way possible, but that overwhelming anxiety that everything’s rushing at you so fast and holy shit, you don’t have your shit together NOW, what the hell are you gonna do THEN, holy shit holy shit everyone’s gonna DIE PANIC PANIC DANGER PANIC--  Like, I get that.  I really do.  Fear of the future and inability to manage time overlap a lot.

Anakin and FORGETFULNESS:  ADHD have a tendency to forget important stuff, but here is where I remind y’all that not all ADHD people experience all the same symptoms, because Anakin actually has a really damn good memory.  Boy is sharp, he recalls really obscure stuff, and if you piss him off/do him a favor, he’s remembering that to his deathbed. Anakin, however, does display what is common in ADHD people, having a selective memory.  This goes hand in hand with our attention issues.  We remember what we focused on and that sticks in our mind: hopes, fears, interests, stuff like that.  Anything else?  Eh, if we didn’t notice it then, we’re not noticing it five years from then, or even five minutes from then.  That you can see in Anakin, where people like Ahsoka and Obi Wan have to teasingly remind him of important stuff that he tends to just shrug off like “oh yeah that thing that I didn’t care about then and don’t really care about now”, or he feels guilty cuz “oops I didn’t notice it then so now I’m lost”

Anakin and IMPULSIVITY: Aight y’all, this probably requires the least amount of explanation for Anakin Skywalker cuz the Star Wars narrative calls him impulsive like every ten seconds xD  ADHD people with impulsivity can be socially inappropriate (Anakin, always managing to say the wrong thing at the wrong time, king of escalating tense situations because he blurts out whatever he feels like), interrupt others (something Padmé and Ahsoka have both canonically called him on doing, he does it to plenty of others as well, Vader does it all the damn time by just force-choking people silent), rushing through tasks (”Oh Anakin, always on the move”.  He does not wait, he makes up plans as he goes, he’s constantly in motion), ACTING WITHOUT MUCH CONSIDERATION TO THE CONSEQUENCES (Examples: The entirety of Star Wars episodes 1-6, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

Anakin and EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: Alright, maybe THIS is the one that requires the least amount of explanation, haha.  ADHD peoples’ emotions seem constantly in flux.  We get bored easily and need constant entertainment. (Anakin running off doing crazy stuff seemingly for fun)  Small frustrations always feel like the end of the world because it takes over our entire brain. (Anakin being “overdramatic/overreacting”)  The slightest sense of rejection or negativity towards our ideas or anything we do can read as total hatred (this is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it SUCKS) so we’re oversensitive about criticism of basically anything.  RSD also means we’re paranoid that we’re not noticing other people’s emotions, so we always tend to worry everyone else hates us or our friends are going to leave us-- we have serious abandonment issues. (Basically all of Anakin worrying about the Jedi’s image of him, worrying about Padmé and Obi Wan loving him, freaking out over Ahsoka leaving, etc.)  Our mind is focusing on a million things at once so our emotions run super quickly, causing what looks like mood swings because in the time it takes someone to get surprised, we’ve already gone through surprise, confusion, realization, betrayal, fury, and sadness and are now “randomly” crying in front of you (Anakin and his mood swings).  Focus issues make us not realize that something we’re doing is upsetting/bothering someone unless they flat out say it, so we may seem mean/inconsiderate/careless (ok, not excusing that part of Anakin’s personality is that he’s just kind of a dick lol, but other stuff that he does seems accidental; he doesn’t want to hurt anyone he loves).

Anakin and POOR SELF-IMAGE:  HOOOO BOY THIS IS GONNA BE FUN!  So adults with ADHD are often hypercritical of themselves, which can lead to a poor self-image.  I do this a lot, and I can’t really explain why, just that I am frustrated with myself and need validation from outside sources.  Anakin verbally expresses this to Padmé and Palpatine in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith especially with all his “I’m not the Jedi I’m supposed to be” bits, how he constantly puts pressure on himself in the novels to be “the very best, I have to be better than everyone, I SHOULD be”, the conflict with that Chosen One label and whether he believes it or not and the pressure he feels from others to fulfill it, to be the Hero With No Fear when he’s fucking terrified all the time.  He’s relentlessly hard on himself for his failures and is always looking for an insult in others’ words (Like if Obi Wan gives him gentle concrit, Anakin will subconsciously tear it apart to turn it into how Obi Wan has found an error with all of him and hates him and Anakin sucks). For all his pride in his abilities, Anakin really does not like himself, poor dear, and seeks outside validation in Padmé, Palpatine, and Obi Wan.

Anakin and LACK OF MOTIVATION: Also ties back to focus issues again, if we don’t like it, our brain won’t focus on it, and we can’t convince ourselves to do it.  We can see this in times where Anakin has to be gently (or not so gently) prodded by Obi Wan or Ahsoka or someone into doing some Jedi business Anakin considers annoying.

Anakin and RESTLESSNESS AND ANXIETY: It’s described as our “motor won’t shut off”.  We always need to keep moving and doing things, and we get frustrated when we can’t do something immediately.  There are also bodily tics with fidgeting or frequent hand movements.  We see this several times with Anakin during wartime, where he’s practically vibrating over having to play the long waiting game instead of rushing in and getting the job done immediately (See: on Naboo where Anakin is pacing a hole into the floor and Obi Wan is telling him to kindly chill pls).  Part of his issues in ROTS happen when he’s worked himself up into a frenzy over sitting not knowing what to do over what’s scaring him so he jumps the gun and goes with the first available (awful) option.  I don’t remember if this is Hayden or if this is me projecting, sorry, but I always feel that when I watch Hayden in the movies, he always portrays Anakin as vaguely squirmy/fidgety, not really ever sitting PERFECTLY still, like he’s always moving some body part, fiddling with something in his hands or on his clothes.  In TCW and the OT especially, we see how hand-wavey he is when he talks, especially when he’s pissed, then the Finger Wag Of Doom comes out, but his hands are ALWAYS in motion.

Anakin and FATIGUE: It’s as the word describes it, we feel tired.  All the craziness in our head is overwhelming and we just.  Feel.  Tired.  We don’t see this as clearly in Anakin because all the Jedi seem fatigued, they’re fighting a fucking hopeless war, but it’s definitely there.  He has sleeping problems with his dreams and nightmares that spawn from his anxiety that could easily be ADHD-induced; they’re there.

Anakin and HEALTH PROBLEMS: Long story short, it’s basically all your ADHD issues making you neglect to take care of yourself.  We see how Anakin has unhealthy coping mechanisms, neglects sleep, and throws himself into reckless, dangerous situations.  He does not take care of himself very well at all.

Anakin and RELATIONSHIP ISSUES:  Ruh roh...  Aight, so all of the symptoms above can very obviously prove to be hurdles in professional, romantic, or platonic situations.  We can see how all the above examples in Anakin have in one way or another caused an argument between himself and basically everyone he loves (Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka), people he has to work with (the Jedi council, anyone he gets assigned to on a mission), and anyone else.  He’s not called a human disaster for no reason, his actions can make him rub people very much the wrong way, and being kind of lonely and awkward and with not many friends is unfortunately a common occurrence in the lives of ADHD people (It happened to me, and I would consider myself much more of a pleasant individual than Anakin (no offense, hon), other people who met me just thought I was “strange” and that was that).

WHEW.  So yes, all of the above state my reasons why I think Anakin Skywalker has ADHD (as well as anxiety, but that’s another post).  Please remember once more that these are MY EXPERIENCES AS AN INDIVIDUAL WITH ADHD and that once again, NOT ALL ADHD PEOPLE SHARE THE SAME EXPERIENCES/SYMPTOMS

I will give the two articles I bothered fact-checking with below, the one from Healthline and from ADDitude

If y’all wanna talk more about ADHD!Anakin or any other ADHD Star Wars characters or just neurodivergent Star Wars character headcanons with me, my inbox and DM’s are always open, I love talking about this!!!!!!!!!

[solarwriting]

Road Trip {Gina Porter}

summary: the musical was over and spring break has begun; the gang has decided to go on a roadtrip while y/n and gina try and deny their feelings

characters/ships: Gina Porter x fem!Reader; Rickey Bowen x Nini Slazar-Roberts; Ashlyn Caswell x Big Red; Carlos Rodriquez

song insp.: this entire playlist  Teenager In Love - Madison Beer, What I Need - Hayley Kiyoko 

word count: 1.6k

note: Gina is a wlw you can’t tell me otherwise | send requests!

part 1 | part 2

The gang finally had a break from musicals, school, and drama. Spring break was upon them and there were no pressures of an upcoming musical to stress them out. As far as Y/n could tell no one had any plans so she took it upon herself to make plans for them. 

Y/n told Ricky, Nini, Carlos, Big Red, Ashlyn, and Gina to meet her at her house in the garage. When they arrived Y/n told them what she wanted to do, and they all thought she was crazy.

“Um, I just looked it up and it’s an eleven hour drive.” Ricky explained, motioning to his phone.

Ashlyn jumped in, “And it can’t be cheap.”

“You see, I already have that figured out, my uncle has a friend who can give us tickets, so that’s covered. We just need to stop at one hotel on the way there and back, so we don’t have to drive in the dark.

“If we go to cheaper motels and only stop in three cities, one on the way there, one once we get there, and one on the way back. Then we will have spent almost no money. Besides gas but that’s okay.”

“Are we really going to see Beetlejuice: the Musical?” Carlos exclaimed with an excited squeal. 

Everyone looked around at each other before smiling and cheering.

~

The day had come, the gang was going to San Francisco to see Beetlejuice: the Musical - the off-off-Broadway version but a musical nonetheless. Y/n was the first up to drive, it was her van after all. She picked up Gina and Ashlyn first, Gina sat in the passenger seat and Ashlyn sat in the seat directly behind her. Y/n Picked up Big Red and Ricky who was already at Red’s house. Red sat next to Ashlyn and Ricky sat in the far back directly behind him. Y/n picked up Nini next, who sat next to Ricky. Carlos was picked up last who took Big Red’s spot while Red moved to sit next to Nini, right behind Ashlyn. 

Everyone packed as little as possible, trying to fit a lot in the van’s small trunk was one challenge they couldn’t pass by.

“Hey, Carlos, sorry Seb couldn’t come.” Y/n said, glancing at Carlos through the rear view mirror. 

Carlos sighed, “It’s okay, he had to help on the farm.” 

A comfortable quiet fell on the van as music played sofly from the speakers. everyone stuck in their own little conversations. Gina looked over at Y/n who’s eyes were focused on the road. Y/n looked at Gina, catching her stare. The two girls’ faces heated up both of their eyes averting back to the road. 

“You know,’ Y/n started, motioning to her phone resting on the center console, “You can change the music, if you want.”

Gina smiled and grabbed the phone, scrolling through Y/n’s playlist titled ‘Roadtrip!’ before settling on a song. She played the song and turned the music up with a smile, She by Harry Styles began streaming through the speakers, a favorite between the group.

Everyone soon started to sing along, 

      She lives in daydreams with me       She's the first one that I see       And I don't know why       I don't know who she is

~

The first few hours flew by and soon everyone needed to stretch their legs, use the bathroom and get snacks and gas. Y/n put the gas in the van wile the others were in the station most likely getting snacks. Ricky and Nini were the first to walk out of the small building, Y/n tossed Ricky the keys.

“Your turn to drive, I need a break.” Y/n explained as she inserted her gas card into the machine. She hopped into the van, sitting in far back on the same side as the driver. Gina was the next to enter the van, Ricky and Nini already sat up front ready for everyone to load up. 

Gina sat next to Y/n passing her a bag of her favorite snacks and her favorite drink, “Thanks, Gina.”

Gina smiled, slightly embarrassed, “It’s not a big deal, I figured you were busy with gas and stuff.” Her cheeks were warm and she shrugged it off before buckling herself next to Y/n, Carlos on her other side. 

Ashlyn and Big Red sat in the middle row lost in their own conversation. Since Nini was sat upfront everyone was subjected to listening to the soundtracks from her favorite musicals for the next couple of hours. 

“Where did we even end up?” Gina asked Y/n who was taking a sip of her drink.

Y/n looked out the window trying to remember, “Elko, I think.” She looked at Gina with a small smile. 

Y/n wasn’t sure why she felt the way she did around Gina, they had been friends ever since she transferred right before their sophmore year a few moths ago. Y/n would find herself annoyed when ever Gina spent too much time with EJ or Ricky. Y/n got particularly angry with EJ during the dance he took Gina to. Y/n didn’t know why she felt hot while Gina sat so closely to her. Y/n kept her hands in her lap awkwardly, her knee sometimes knocking against Gina’s. 

Y/n was lost in her thoughts and soon her snack and drink were soon forgotten as she drifted off, the three hours she spent driving taking its toll on her. Her head fell to the side, colliding with Gina’s shoulder. 

Gina’s eyes widened at the sudden weight her her shoulder but smiled to herself when she saw Y/n sleeping peacefully against her. Gina blushed and returned to her conversation with Carlos. 

A few hours had passed and the sun had begun to set by the time Y/n had woken up, her head still lying on Gina’s shoulder, who had been careful to not wake her. Y/n’s eyes fluttered open, her brows furrowed as she looked around before she realized she was on someone. Her head shot up, eyes widened as she looked at Gina with a sheepish smile. 

“Sorry.” Y/n mumbled to Gina. 

Gina smiled and leaned close to Y/n and boldly whispered into her ear, “I didn’t mind.” Shivers ran down Y/n’s spine, feeling Gina’s breath on her neck like that. 

Gina sat back, her cheeks rosier than usual. Y/n’s face not so different as she tried to hide behind her hand as she rested her arm on the arm rest and looked out the window. 

Music still played softly, this time it was some sort of soft hip-hop or rap only he and Big Red really knew, but no one complained. Everyone was fairly tired, sitting in a car for about seven hours could do that to a person. 

At some point Nini took over driving and Ricky was in the passenger seat, explaining why his music was playing. Y/n yawned and stretched as best as she could. 

Y/n looked out the window finally noticing the beautiful sunset that graced the horizon. The highway wasn’t so beautiful but the mixture of oranges, pinks, reds, and yellows made up for it. Y/n sighed contentedly and pulled out her phone snapping a few pictures before choosing one to share on her story. 

She flipped her phone’s camera, nudging Gina getting her’s and Carlos’ attention taking a picture while the golden light was still kind to them posting this image with the caption ‘road trip going strong’ adding a small heart next to it.

Y/n and Gina began talking about their future plans how Gina wanted to go to a preforming arts college and how Y/n hoped to get into art school. Y/n was unsure about getting accepted but Gina reassured her, “You’ll definitely get in, they’d be crazy not to have you, plus that’s two years away.” 

Y/n smiled, “Yeah,” She chuckled, “Maybe we’ll end going to school near each other.” 

Gina blushed at that comment, “Yeah, maybe.” 

The two continued to talk as the van continued to barrel down the highway, the sun slowly sinking behind the horizon. Soon Nini pulled into a small motel that lay just of the highway. The motel was small and slightly sketchy but they didn’t mind as they all clambered out of the van and pulling their bags out of the cramped trunk.

Ricky went ahead to rent a room for the night, Y/n told him two rooms each with two beds would be the most convenient for everyone. The couples could be in one room and share beds and the three singles could each sleep alone, one of them on the couch.

The six waited outside for Ricky with the keys, the entrances to each room being outside. Ricky walked out with a frown on his face, “They only had one room but it has two beds and a pull-out couch.” 

“Ricky and I get a bed!” Nini called as she followed her boyfriend towards their room. “Big Red and I can share a bed too, if that’s okay with you, Red.” Ashlyn said softly. 

“You and Gina can sleep on the pull-out, the floor would probably be better on ,y back anyways.” Carlos offered as he followed the group up stairs leaving Y/n and Gina in the back both of them sharing embarrassed faces.

What a cliche.

[thewriterfriends]

BALLS, CERTAINLY NOT AT ANY COST

SardarSohan Singh and his family had shifted to Chandigarh. Suddenly, I had lost two close friends. Loss of company of Goga hurt me because suddenly my daredevilry and my pranks had come to a standstill because one needs a partner in such escapades. Anyone who has read the adventure blog will vouch for it. We didn’t need to read the books to plan our adventures but there’s no fun in them unless you have a partner if not many. Since Pali was elder to us and as I have said that he was different, he wasn’t our partner but his resourcefulness was important to our plans. He never questioned us why we needed what we asked him to get because he understood that the children have their needs and intrinsically they don’t like to discuss their projects or divulge the details to others who are not a party to their plans. That is because it entails a risk of a secret becoming an ‘open secret’ and parents have sharp ears and prying eyes. In addition to that, there are spies in the shapes of innocuous-looking young kids who you think have no interest in your games. Maybe, they are not interested in your games but they are the spies- real ears and the eyes of the parents. And if you think that you can buy their silence or their favour by bribing them with marbles, rare empties of cigarette packs, or even priceless pictures of the cricketers, then you are badly mistaken because they are the future voters and they are as shrewd as they come. They will take the bribe and still do what they set their mind upon. Though they also have many uses, like they can be ordered to do your bidding. They can be scolded for being sloppy and they serve as the best assistants when you need extra hands for executing an important task that requires extra hands. But they cannot be sent as emissaries to other peoples’ homes. Parents are as wary of it as they were when we were growing up although the world that we grew up in wasn’t as depraved as it is now. Still, it wasn’t as virtuous either, but then there were demons even the times of Lord Rama and Krishna too. Parents didn’t like their children to go to the homes of the people not know to them and going to the homes of the strangers or talking to them was prohibited.

I wasn’t gifted like Pali in devising methods for acquiring balls nor was I as daring, but after his family left Shimla the tough task of arranging the balls fell upon me because I was the Captain of the Mohalla team and as they say, the show must go on, the game couldn’t be given up. We thought of pooling our pocket money but “Takkas” that we got as daily allowance didn’t add up to much even if the contributions were continued for months. I decided to ask the team members to get donations from their parents like the school authorities would ask us to get from them whenever floods or famine, hit some part of the country.

We knew how they grumbled, winced, and protested but they paid. So, I lectured to my teammates,

“Parents are habituated to throwing tantrums. ”Abusing, cursing, scolding and saying ‘No’ at the outset is essential to good parenting I said, but obstinacy on part of the children, their persistent, steadfastness, whining often pays. I said, “If necessary, you can shed some crocodile tears too. “Try whatever you may have to do, but by next Sunday, if you want to continue to be the part of this team whose popularity is on the rise, you must get a contribution of five rupees each.” “This is the minimum that you should accept from them and because they tend to bargain, start by asking a higher amount, so that it may appear to them that you are grumblingly agreeing for five, but don’t agree for anything less than this.”

“We will start by buying a new ball and then add on other important gear like pads and guard etc.” I said, “The reputation of the team depends on how well it is equipped and the word spreads like wildfire.” “The team that has started getting requests for being played against from as far off places as Lower Kaithu is knocking at the doors of the state-level authorities for recognition and I am sure that some of you budding players will get included in the Ranji Trophy team of Shimla whenever our glorious town gets a chance for having its team and is asked for sending a team for inter-state matches.”

I saw the smiles spreading on all the young faces looking up at me. Their eyes were shining with hope but when my eyes fell on their Hawaichappals and tattered shoes, my own hope fell. However, my confidence in our ability to reach the pinnacle of glory in that quaint Himalayan town soared as if propelled by my own words in our praise. Our team comprised of the boys from the middle class and the poor strata of the society but they were inducted purely on merit. Even Khushal Chand the son of Jiya Lal, who cleaned our toilets was a proud member of our team. I didn’t hear from the teammates about how their struggle for getting five rupees, a formidable sum in those days, was going with their parents as I had my own battle to fight, until Sunil confronted me one day. Sunil was my classmate. He is a member of this group and sometimes reads my posts and may read this too. I don’t know if he remembers it or not. His younger brother, Kapil was one of my teammates. (I heard from him some time ago passed away two years ago.)

“ Haanbhaibahutdehshatfailarakhihai tune.” Yes buddy, you have spread quite a scare, he said. I got his point and smiled. His brother must have been pestering the parents for money as the effect of my speech seemed to have affected him severely. I said, “The contributions are voluntary, not compulsory”, but I realized that making the team a star team of Shimla will be difficult, although it was a “star-studded” team, unfortunately, it was cash-strapped.

I hadn’t got any coaching in the game, but I was good at it or so I thought. Illusion about my own ability has been my driving force. Our neighbour Mr. Raj played for the A.G. office. Their team had a good reputation in the town. They played matches with other local teams on Sundays. I got a chance of playing as one of their team as he used to take me along wherever they played. I played against some teams at Annandale Ground and at BCS when we played against them. I was a young lad of 14-15 years of age and was increasingly becoming aware of the hormonal changes taking place inside me. One Mr. K- of A.G. office team told me that he had some old balls with him at home and he would be happy to give me those. Mr. Raj might have spoken to him about our constant need for the balls. I was delighted at his graciousness and agreed to visit his apartment for collecting those on the following Sunday.

I hard learned about some people being gay but the world still looked pretty safe to the children growing up in the last century. I shouldn’t be saying this with this degree of certitude because a thought of another incident that occurred a few years before this with me has come to mind. I will tell you about that some other time, but being gay is one thing and stalking and trapping the children for realizing one’s perversions is quite another thing. I didn’t know that there were wolves in sheep’s clothing. I reached his apartment at Lower Kaithu in the afternoon.  It was a summer day and he opened the door in response to my knock after getting up from the bed, where perhaps he was taking the afternoon siesta.

The room was small and it was brilliantly warmed up by the sun as the side of the room facing the west had glass panes all over. After opening the door he went and sat on the bed again. As there were no chairs in the room, at least none in my sight, he asked me to sit on the bed. I don’t know if he had any chairs or they had been removed by him. He sat himself in the semi-reclining position with one arm resting on the knee of the leg drawn up while the other leg lay flat on the bed. What struck odd to me was that he was in his undergarments and he hadn’t chosen to put on Pajamas or pants after I entered the room. Though I was a young boy in my early teens, I had learnt enough about human anatomy through analogies drawn with the animals in the General Science books and nature had taught me some through raging testosterones in my testicles. This was fortified with a lot of other data collected in my head through the exchange of information with peers and friends. His sitting in the bed without even a Lungi certainly appeared as indecent behaviour to me.

He asked me if I had a girlfriend and whether I had done anything with her. That was a grey area. My knowledge was limited to hearsays and I could neither brag nor lie. I shook my head. I wasn’t sure about what and how to do, because I knew it wasn’t as simple as was made out to be in the General Science book with a male frog riding on top of the female and pressing her body. The details were sketchy and the scope of enlightenment was lost to us on the day it was being taught in the school by Mr. Hastir, because of the mischief played by Surinder on Upinder at the wrong time. But neither through the book and nor from the peers and friends had I learnt about the male wanting to do it with a male. I had the knowledge of a common cuss word “G&^*u” that we used liberally in the language spoken among the friends, but that was used for someone who was dimwit-stupid. It would be wrong on my part if I say that I was ignorant about it, but truthfully all I knew then was that this if done was more for the purpose of demonstrating brute force or instilling fear and drawing rather sadistic than carnal pleasures.

He put his hand around me and tried to draw me closer in an attempt to kiss me. I pushed him away. I was surprised to notice a stir in his underwear. A tiny drop had wet it too. I was not interested in any of this. Though there had been some attempts on me at some previous occasions, one of which I mentioned in my posts here, but to bargain my “Izzat” for getting some old cricket balls was a bit too much. I got up from the bed and moved towards the door. He realized that he had approached the wrong guy and so for making some amends, he broke into fake laughter and said, “ Bholetu, tebura mana laya” ( Bhole (Bhola Is my pet name)- you got offended). I didn’t answer. He got up and pulled out two old balls from the cupboard and gave them to me. I returned a fake smile, meaning that I will ignore all that happened between us and as a kind of payback for his goodwill gesture minus the largesse he wanted to give along with a set of those old used balls.

An interesting piece of text that I recently read in the book “Hilly Billy Elegy” about a sure test of finding if one was gay or not was told to the writer J.D. Vance by his grandmother when as a child he was overcome by a fear that he was perhaps gay because he had no girlfriend and his best friend was a boy and the..He say:-

I’ll never forget the time I convinced myself that I was gay. I was eight or nine, maybe younger, and I stumbled upon a broadcast by some fire-and-brimstone preacher. The man spoke about the evils of homosexuals, how they had infiltrated our society, and how they were all destined for hell absent some serious repenting. At the time, the only thing I knew about gay men was that they preferred men to women.

This described me perfectly: I disliked girls, and my best friend in the world was my buddy Bill. Oh no, I’m going to hell.   I broached this issue with Mamaw, confessing that I was gay and I was worried that I would burn in hell. She said, “Don’t be a fucking idiot, how would you know that you’re gay?” I explained my thought process. Mamaw chuckled and seemed to consider how she might explain to a boy my age. Finally she asked, “J.D., do you want to suck dicks?” I was flabbergasted. Why would someone want to do that? She repeated herself, and I said, “Of course not!” “Then,” she said, “you’re not gay. And even if you did want to suck dicks, that would be okay. God would still love you.” That settled the matter. Apparently, I didn’t have to worry about being gay anymore. Now that I’m older, I recognize the profundity of her sentiment: Gay people, though unfamiliar, threatened nothing about Mamaw’s being. There were more important things for a Christian to worry about.

In the 1960s the verb sucking could only be understood in the pretext of sucking the nipples as a part of foreplay while indulging in the act with the legally acquired wife and that too with the lights off. I think it was not expected of them and was neither offered as a bonus by the consenting wives in gratitude to the husbands they genuinely loved. I doubt if there were such husbands who fitted the bill and the wives who were willing to please them in bed. At least until I was an active part of the productive society, I never heard of any such things from people I knew, but to think that such camaraderie existed between willing male partners was normal or will become normal somewhere down the line was beyond the imagination of a straight kid who had been brought up in a conservative town tucked in the Himalayan hills.

As an Indian, it is impossible for me to think that such a conversation can take place between any members within the family and I can’t even imagine that any elder can be approached for alleviating such fears and of all the people a grandmother can speak such words to a child of nine years of age.  Maybe it can happen in American homes only. Now when the whole world is becoming sensitive to the needs of LGBTs, perhaps the parents can broach subjects with the children but back in the 1960s, I wonder how such people came to terms with their singularities.

[imaginekpoplikethis]

A charismatic roommate - Roomate Au - Kim Taehyung - Part 1

Henlo I’m back. Hopefully for a while. There’s a lot going on and this is one of the only ways to keep my mind off things.

Hope you enjoy 

Part 1 - Here

——

Today was supposed to be a special day. An anniversary of sorts. This particular day last year you had finally sprouted wings and left your parents’ home to take on a sense of individuality, the idea of having to work for yourself driving you to experience such a stepping stone head on. You had moved into a share house situated near your university. Your new home had all the necessities needed to live comfortably. If anything, you had managed to score a deal with the house. The number of rooms came to a total of seven. A kitchen and living room combined two bathrooms and four bedrooms. The rent was a miracle and you were elated when you had initially found this place.

That was until your roommate suddenly decided to move out. This meant you were the only one living in a house that could have four other people. Your initial reaction was that of shock and then worry hit you like a truck. The owner of the share house had let you know that if no one else moved in within the next few months she was going to turn the house into ‘the cafe of her dreams’. You were sure you were not going to find any other places to live since the academic year has already started. This is precisely the reason you found yourself posting on your universities forum, looking for a potential roommate. You didn’t dare tell your parents of your predicament, fearful that they would drag you back home despite the hefty journey it would take to travel to university from their home.

Surprisingly enough, you received several replies within the first week though after much consideration you chose not to accept any. This was mainly due to the fact that you knew of these people. For example, one happened to be the captain of the swimming club and although many would die over the chance to room with such a handsome man, the rumours and his personality almost had you deleting his reply and acting as if you had never seen it. He was in no way rude but the size of his ego was simply nauseating. He even happened to be in your class and had wasted no time in trying to romance you at the beginning of the year. The memory of your encounter with him almost made you scream out loud.

Your other replies consisted of three third year girls, notorious for their partying habits, a supposedly sketchy boy from the year above and another boy in his final year. All had fallen short of your expectations and so you notified them that you were in contact with a potential roommate and would let them know if the deal fell through. Of course this was a lie but you were not about to let them know you just didn’t think they’d be appropriate roommates. Around two days after your rejections, a new candidate privately messaged you, inquiring about the bills that would need to be paid. Glancing at the name of the user, you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“KT? Ah, as in Katie? That’s got to be it…”

Typing a brief but detailed reply, you hit send and stood from your seat at your desk, preparing yourself for a shower. You weren’t expecting a reply for at least a few hours so you turned off your laptop and went about your evening plans. It seemed the whole exchange had slipped your mind since you found yourself waking up the next morning and jumped out of bed at the thought of a reply. As you had expected, a reply was sitting in your inbox.

‘If its fine with you, I’d like to view the place and move in as soon as possible. Could you let me know which day is good for you?’

Smiling to yourself, you let KT know that if need be, they could visit and potentially move in tomorrow afternoonto which they quickly answered that it would be perfect for them since they didn’t have much. Thus the twenty four hour wait began. You couldn’t help the excitement that had taken shelter within you and pondered over what kind of person this ‘KT’ was. You mentally slapped yourself for not asking what their actual name was but decided you could eventually ask them tomorrow. For now you had a class to get ready for, one which you finally realised you were late for. Cursing under your breath, you decided to skip on breakfast and ran straight to the bathroom, brushing your teeth and rushing back out to gather your belongings. Quickly fixing your appearance at the hallway mirror, you eventually left your apartment and began your rush to your university.

Finally Friday... this was the longest week of my life.

—— You had made it to the gates ten minutes late with a few other students also rushing to their classes. Fortunately for you, your lesson took place in a lecture room at the front of the campus so not much more time would be wasted. A text suddenly came in and you glanced briefly at your phone screen, noting it was from your friend Iris Inquiring about where you were. Deciding against replying back as you were bound to see her in less than a minute, you trudged to the door, ready for the walk of shame to your seat.  As you were going over the different apologies you could make to your lecturer you failed to notice the boy beside you slightly panicking. It was the sudden hand on your wrist that brought you back to your senses and your startled eyes came into contact with the glass door inches from your face.

“Whoa, great timing! I’m truly impressive.” You snapped your eyes to the boy who had saved you from a day of embarrassment, a grin plastered on his face.

“It’s too early in the morning to be walking into doors, haha.” Your face flushed and you let out a huff of amusement whilst quietly taking him in. He was quite handsome, probably the most handsome person you had come face to face with in a while. He also seemed to be fairly charismatic if his overly joyful attitude this early in the morning was anything to go by.

“Thank you… I can’t even begin to explain how embarrassing that would have been.” A small, appreciative smile spread on your lips and his grin only widened.

“Don’t worry about it, it happens to the best looking of us!”

Now you were slightly lost.

“You mean the best of us?” He stopped for a moment and just stared at you in confusion.

“Wait, it’s not what I just said? Is that why the old lady laughed at me the other day?”

As you tilted your head in even more confusion, an alarm startled the both of you and he grabbed his phone out of his pocket, eyes widening drastically at the sight displayed to him.

“No, I’m gonna be super late!” That seemed to snap you back into reality and you prepared to head into the building when he turned around and ran straight into the door. The sound seemed to echo throughout the mostly empty campus and you couldn’t help but feel second hand embarrassment.

The boy didn’t turn around, just exhaled slowly and opened the door, halting only to hold it open for you and then he was off.

He’s got one heck of a personality, I’ll give him that…

——

“He actually smacked into the same door he saved you from? Sounds like a sacrifice to me… but seriously how does that happen? That’s the kind of stuff that only happens in fiction, not real life.”

You were currently eating lunch with Iris, both of you having no more lessons for the day, and you had just finished filling her in on your encounter with the boy from earlier that morning.

“Maybe this is fiction and we’re in a book.”

Iris looked at you as if you had grown two heads.

“Just kidding but trust me, it happened. I had enough second hand embarrassment for both of us.”

Noticing you both had finished your respective lunches, you gathered the rubbish from the tables and stood, Iris following suit.

“I can imagine... Well at least he’s cute. You probably should’ve gotten his number.”

You scoffed at the idea of asking a boy for his number.

“Me? Ask for someone’s number? If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re a stranger or something. You know I don’t have the social skills to do that.”

Iris’ laughter had a small smile spreading on your face.

“I know, I know. I really I wish I was there, I could have gotten it for you.”

“Nah, it doesn’t matter. I’ll probably never see him again. Anyway I need to get home and clean the house before ‘KT’ comes tomorrow.”

You both stopped to bid farewells, stepping in for a quick hug.

“Right! Tell me how it goes. I wanna know who this ‘KT’ person is.”

“Will do.”

——

You couldn’t help the nervous jitters that wracked your body as you waited for your potential new roommate. It was already twenty minutes past the initial time you had decided to set up the room viewing and ‘KT’ had yet to appear. You had in fact messaged them ten minutes prior and the lack of reply had you worried something may have happened. Despite your thought process, you didn’t want to jump to conclusions and actually call them. At least not yet. Speaking to strangers over the phone wasn’t really your strongest social skill so you normally tried to avoid doing just that. However, as the minutes waiting began to increase, you hesitantly reached for your phone, quickly going over the ways you could explain the sudden call if they happened to pick up.

Just as you unlocked your phone, a rhythmic knock on your door made you jump up from your seat and shuffle towards it.

“Finally, I was really starting to freak out.”

Mumbling under your breath, you placed your hand on the doorknob and eagerly

opened the door. A petite girl stood before you, a look of surprise adorning her round face.

“Um...  hi. Are you viewing the room?”

You cursed yourself for letting your anxiousness seep into your voice but she didn’t seem to notice, to your immense relief.

“I’m actually here for a housewarming party but I guess this is the wrong place...”

She pulled out her phone and unlocked it, glancing up at you somewhat apologetically.

“Er... if it’s not too much trouble could you help me find this place?”

Nodding, you took a look at the address she had pulled up on her phone and stepped out to better direct her.

“If you turn this corner, the place you’re looking for is the second building.”

She shot you an appreciative smile.

“Thank you so much! Have a great rest of the day.”

Smiling back at her, you nodded and reciprocated her farewell before turning back into the house. Just as you were about to close the door, a voice called out to you.

“Wait! I’m here and I’m sorry I’m late but I’m here!”

Releasing a sigh of relief, you swung the door back open and stepped back out, only to collide with a body and fall to the ground.

“Ah! I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you would step completely out... Wait, I know you!”

Yeah right, I don’t know anyone this chaotic.

Lifting your head to get a good look at the wrecking ball that was ‘KT’, your eyes widened when they made contact with the same boy from yesterday. The first thing you could think to do in this current situation was blurt out whatever came to mind and apparently he had the same idea.

“You’re the cute girl who almost walked into the door!”

“You’re the pretty boy who ran into the door!”

Both of you slapped your hands over your mouths, a deep red spreading over your faces.

I can’t believe this sh-

——

You found yourself sitting in front of ‘KT’, also known as Kim Taehyung, two cups of coffee set in front of you both as you waited for him to give his final impressions of the share house.

“Woah! So you have this whole house all to yourself? It’s awesome!”

“Not really, I’m actually meant to be rooming with at least two other people hence the term share house. My last roommate bailed on me and the owner of the house can’t really run this place with one person living here.”

He nodded in understanding, his smile gradually growing.

“So in total... five people can stay here?”

“Yeah, as you saw there are three rooms for one person each and one room with two beds.”

“Cool! I haven’t heard of many mixed share houses... are there any rules?”

Besides the obvious rules such as not entering a room that isn’t yours without permission you could only think of one.

“Not really any special ones except there’s no mixed rooms. So you either have to share with a guy or pick the single room.”

“That’s fine. I think I’ve made my decision.”

He began to drum his hands on the table, imitating a drumroll. You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped you due to his goofy attitude. He enthusiastically pointed his thumb at himself and gave you a close eyed boxy grin.

“Say hello to your new roommate! I mean... if that’s fine with you, haha.”

A grin almost as wide as his own plastered itself on your face.

“That’s absolutely fine with me. So are you bringing stuff over today?”

“Yep! My friend is bringing stuff over in his car later tonight. So I’ll be done moving in by tomorrow afternoon.”

Standing from your seat, you grabbed the empty cups and made your way to the sink.

“Great. You should probably go and talk to the house owner. She has spare keys and a contract you need to sign. Don’t worry she’s sweet.”

“Will do! Thank you Y/N, you’re really kind.”

Your cheeks burned with the compliment.

“Thank you Taehyung, you too.”

——

[wendibird]

SPN 15X15 Observations

The saga of my shitty cable/internet provider continues. This week I was again watching it on my computer through the streaming app since TV still isn’t getting reliable reception, and my internet connection kept dropping! (Luckily, I’ve also set it to record, so I was able to re-watch the episode after it aired.) So, my notes are much less coherent probably, and I’ve had a long day so my after-episode thoughts probably are too. 

Everything else under the cut for those who wish to avoid spoilers and all my rambling:

- Connor isn't going to last long. - wtf? (freaky teddy bear!) - "she and I used to have a thing"? Seriously Dean? - Cas: "Sam?" (aka "Please be the reasonable one.") - soooooo much salt from Cas. - "Agent Swift!" - BABY YODA!!!! - I think the crossroads thing is Cas just making a phone call more or less. - Cas, there are NEVER "too many cats". - LOL I love Cas' literalness - Eeeeee..... love them bonding. - Hrm. So there's definitely a karmic element to these killings. I mean, "Lair" seemed like a bit of a stretch for the other kid, unless the "lie" was in him agreeing with the snobby girls. But I have a feeling this lady here is going to end up with something like "thief" carved into her. (So, thoughts: Avenging Angel? Just Deserts? Probably something new.)

- Also I feel like there was maybe something in that "previously" scene that I don't remember seeing before. (Was talking about Dean going into detail about needing to take Amara out as well as Chuck. I remember part of that conversation, but some parts felt "new" to me? Though I've only seen through this current season once, so I might just not be remembering everything right.) - Sam's worried/concerned about Jack! <3 - "At least this time it's not you and me." Oh man does that feel like foreshadowing. - Not sure I trust the pastor. - I've been watching this show too long. They all feel sketchy. Especially the girl with the headband. *LOL* - Oh man. Are they really going "Torture Porn" on us again? (Apparently) - His (Jack’s) Mom died 3 years ago too. - "I have more dads than most." <3 - "Put your trust in God." Wow. *LOL* Poor Jack. - Cas, you're totally one of his dads. But yes. It is complicated. - Ahhh. Maybe that's what the "Liar" thing was about. (Connor being gay and hiding it?) - Hi Amara! (My cat wants to get into my closet.)

- Amara's still in relatively light colors.

(Stupid internet signal is being a pain)

- I wish I knew what was going on.

(Aaaaand more internet problems)

- I love Cas! (still confused about what's going on.)

- So, what's with the random demon in the squad car? - Dammit.... I had a feeling Jack would end up having to die to kill Chuck and Amara.

(OKAY! Now that the episode is over, I'm going to re-watch parts of it so I can find out what the hell I missed! (still irritated))

- Jack HAS one of those teddy's! I wonder which one got it for him.... (My guess is Sam or Cas) - Maybe it was Zack in the cop car at the end? He DID say he was really bored. - Reason why I was thinking it might be something supernatural was because the one who did it seemed to know in advance who they were going after, but that lady just now stole from the poor box. So, how did the daughter know? Unless she'd done it before? Hrm. - Minor note: "We've been on the road almost two days." WTF? SPN doing somewhat realistic travel times?! *LMAO* - Trying to tell what's in her other hand. Looks like it's duct-taped closed into a fist around something. A transmitter maybe? It's an odd detail that I don't think gets explained. - So, did she call him a "liar" because she saw the two of them as having dated and then he came out as gay at some point? - So, they're just gonna leave the Impala there while it's gassing up? *LOL* - I still love Cas for this part. Sharing his "Journey". - Okay, got to see the guys' talk with Amara. (At least the first half of it.) I still think it's risky for Dean to tell her about Jack even being a player on the board. Though I get that he had to give her SOMETHING so she would get that the threat is credible. That they actually CAN do something against Chuck. - Also, SPN can't settle on its history. *LOL* But that's nothing new. Back in S5 it was God and Death and Death couldn't remember who came first. Then at the end of Season 10 we got an updated version with the Darkness (Who didn't seem to have met Death prior to her imprisonment.) Now, Darkness and God were twins. - Ewwwwww.... dead guy. - Wow.... They actually textualized that. (About Mary.) - He sounded like he meant it when he said "I will never hurt you." - I still love Cas being a subtle badass. - Jack... it's NOT the only way... (And I'm pretty sure Sam HAS forgiven Jack. But I don't think they've really talked.)

SO.

I apologize that my "notes" this time are a train-wreck, but so was my internet connection, so sadly, this is what happens when I watch part of the episode, miss some important bits, and watch most of the rest of it (while still missing more bits) and then when it's finally over I can finally go back and re-watch the bits I'd missed. And I wound up mostly just re-watching the whole thing again anyway. And some things definitely made more sense, and I definitely noticed some things I hadn't caught the first time.

I know a lot of people aren't going to like it because it mostly featured Cas and Jack while being light on the brothers. (But there WAS some good brother content!) I did enjoy it well enough though. (Like, it's not gonna make my top 10 total episodes, but I liked it better than a lot of the ones earlier this season.)

Organizing my thoughts is gonna be a bit hard (I've had a long day) but I'll make an attempt here.

Cas and Jack's arc: It definitely had a more old-school SPN horror vibe to me, though more like some of the newer horror movies (like Saw and the like) and I think both characters were written well. We had two awkward angels who still don't get all things human, but they obviously care. There was also a lot of talk about God in a way that I felt made both of them feel awkward considering their perspective on Chuck. I do still wonder though about some of the details of what Sylvia was doing. Like, I get how she'd probably been stewing about the one boy for a while. But the lady (could never quite tell if it was Valerie or Mallory) had literally JUST stolen from the donation box when she stepped outside into the trap laid for her. So, was this maybe a habit of her's? How would Sylvia have known about it beforehand? And also, what was with the crossroads demon at the very end posing as/possessing a police officer? Is he going rogue because he's bored? Is he acting on some weird kind of orders? I saw some theories about maybe the Dad made a crossroads deal to spring his daughter, but... I dunno. Unless it's supposed be a tease for something to come later, it feels odd and random.

Overall, I did really like Cas in this episode. I thought his blend of salt, cluelessness, and altruism was good, and I loved what he said about his past, and how he found his new purpose. Because he has been drifting quite a bit since he lost his original purpose. But he definitely seems to have found it again with Jack. So naturally he gets to find out that Jack is fated to die taking out God and the Darkness. *sigh* Dude CANNOT catch a break! Also, JACK! I love him so much! (And honestly, I'd had suspicions already that this is what had been troubling him. I'm glad he finally told one of his dads at least.)

Also, just wanna reiterate, I loved that bit at the beginning when Dean suggests Cas and Jack go tackle this case "that probably isn't anything (supernatural)" and he turns to Sam like "Please be the sane one here." (My hope/headcanon is that Sam encouraged him to go because he knows something has been troubling Jack, and if Jack won't open up to Sam about it, maybe he was hoping he'd open up to Cas at least. Then maybe SOMEONE could help him. But I don't know if the writers are thinking that deeply about Sam.)

Speaking of Sam and Dean... Okay, overall I thought their part of the episode was okay for what we saw. Like, the brother talk in the Impala, mild bickering about driving times and regular mundane stuff. Also their talk with Amara had some GOOD emotional beats in it. For Dean and Amara. Sam was mostly just there. And then he wasn't even there for the main part. So... *sigh* It's not that I begrudge Dean having that moment. I mean, he definitely had more of a connection to Amara than Sam did. But it still feels like not much really happened with him besides being a soundingboard and showing some concern for Jack. Hopefully we get more of him actually being important to the plot in upcoming episodes.

But let me reiterate that I DID like the talk Dean and Amara had! I'm glad that she textualized something that I know a lot of fans have theorized about Mary and her purpose narratively. That prior to her resurrection she had been put on this pedestal, but Dean and Sam were actually able to get to know the real woman. That the real woman was better than the memory because she WAS real. Flaws and all. (Not that I blame Dean for being angry.) I'm just glad that it was said outright. Because I got the feeling from some of the things Samantha Smith has said at cons that that was part of the point of Mary's character since S12, to make her real. And I know a lot of people couldn't see past her flaws and still hate her. (I DO think some things could have been handled better with her character, but that's not the point of this long rambly post today.) Also, when Dean said that he could never hurt her? It felt like him telling the truth. Maybe he was able to get that feeling across because technically he WAS telling the truth, since the plan is for Jack to be the one doing the hurting. But I dunno.

Anyway, overall I thought it was a decent episode. It had some good character moments in it, and considering I thiiiiink the next episode is going to be very Sam and Dean heavy, I'm not gonna begrudge Cas and Jack some screentime in this one since things are likely going to be getting dicey here fairly soon.

(And again, I apologize for how scattered this is this time.)

P.S. Oh, and one last thing before I forget. Especially after last episode, I find it odd that Jack still thinks BOTH brothers haven't forgiven him. I get why he would think that about Dean. The dude outright said it was going to take some time. But Sam, as far as we've seen has been shown to be supportive of Jack. So, I wonder if it's because Jack still hasn't forgiven himself? Or if it's because maybe he and Sam haven't really talked about that whole issue, so maybe Jack thinks Sam is just avoiding it? (Or if the writers are just lumping Sam&Dean together again because WHY would anyone see them as two separate entities? *salty*) Because if anyone in this show SHOULD be aware that the brothers don't always think the same it should be Jack. Because from the start Sam has tended to hold a different stance in regards to him than Dean. *sigh* Ah well. We'll see how things fall out. Especially considering what Cas (I’m assuming anyway) told Dean about Jack and Billy’s plan. 

[floosies]

Series: La Munenca del Barrio

Warnings: NSFW, Blood, violence, smut, strong language, and drug use

Rocio Cruz lives in a Brooklyn block best known for its vibrant and ignored community. What she always ignored though was the underground scene in the borough, the evils that lay in it and its people. That all comes to an end when she’s introduced to those things she ignored.

(LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK: Hey guys, just curious. Should I tone it down on the amount of spanish? I don’t mind writing in both languages I just want to make sure you guys are enjoying reading it)

Chapter 7: It’s Okay (You Don’t Love Me Anymore)

Series Masterlist

Rocio noticed how happy her mama had been since the mail came a couple weeks ago. Steve had called her, letting her know the date was set for the hearing, but when she asked him if he had told her mom, he got quiet. Somehow she’d found out before he could tell her. In fact, when he called Maritza, she answered with joy and said she’d meet him at the court when the day came.

Steve was interested in finding who the hell found out something that only he and a couple selected few knew. This was supposed to be a secret project. To Rogers, Rafael was a man who represented lost morals. He was loyal and worked hard taking the long meticulous way instead of risking a fuck up with short cuts. Most of Steve’s men now were arrogant, just because they worked for him. They used violence over brains. This is why he needed Cruz back, he needed a man who knew the work and had the methods to do it right. 

When Steve was still new to all this, it was Rafael who showed a him how to shoot. If it hadn’t been for that man, Steve would never have become into the man he is now. So wasting no time, he planned a meeting with Maritza, making sure that it would be soon enough as the day after the call but with the discretion that neither Rocio or the younger kids were there.

She was kind, which was odd. The only other times he’d talked to her she always acted indifferent or upset. He didn’t understand how she could have birthed someone as kind and forgiving as Rocio. Or how Rafael ever saw her as some sort of angel. Nevertheless, he explained the situation to her.

Maritza felt betrayed somehow, knowing what she knew now, “what do you mean Quintero hasn’t worked for you in years?” She could see the stress on the young man’s face, “he sided with Federico. After Rafa got arrested, he started acting sketchy. After a while, I found out he was making plans to start a new base with the man who ratted us out.” She sat there for a second, trying to understand how her husband’s closest friends, the ones she knew for decades, suddenly could betray him.

With a quick scoff she spoke, “no me sorprende, i’m not surprised at all. You can’t trust anyone in that lifestyle.” Her eyes scanned his face, all he did was shrug. He couldn’t disagree with that statement, “you think I don’t know? Since I was kid people who worked with Blue Eyes wanted me dead. That’s not why i’m here though.” He paused taking a drink from the mug of coffee she’d given him. “I’m here because, we need to talk about what’s going to happen after he’s out.” 

Now she started looking like herself. She was mad, of course she was. Steve figured she probably daydreamed about getting the wealth back. Moving back to the nicer side of New York and having Rafael do something civil like, like working in an office or something. That’s not how any of that worked though, Steve was still in need of guidance whether he liked to admit it or not. With herself now angered at this she rose her voice, “so what exactly is going to happen when he get’s out? You’re going to cage him like some animal? He has children! He has me!” Of course he was expecting this from her, sighing he tried to reason with her. “Calmate, he’s going to be in safe house to protect him. Or did you forget what I just told you about Quintero? Someone wants him dead the minute he is out.” That shut her up. She hated when he had a point, “you know all this would never have happened if he just quit when I begged him too. He would have been here.” 

He couldn’t stop himself from laughing, that just pissed her off more though, “I didn’t hear you complaining when your wedding ended up being half a million. Or when Blue Eyes got you the apartment in Soho. You know he used to talk about how you never complained when he came dripping in blood. No complaints of blood on the carpets ,what did he say instead? Ella solo dice, ‘compramos otra’. So don’t try to act like you weren’t having the time of your life.” She had to rebuttal of course, “do you know what my family went-” he cut her off, “your family came begging me to do something about you when Rafael went in. Your father said he’d even take the money for you and get you out of his home. They had more common sense than you. If you’d been smart and taken the money you wouldn’t have been living like this. You could have given Rocio and the other two a good life.” There was silence after, but it wasn’t that kind of silence after you know you’re wrong. It’s the kind that’s left before a storm brews.

He fucked up, he mentioned her name. There was this unspoken rule, he was allowed to know about the kids but Rafael never mentioned their names. Not to Blue Eyes, not Steve, not even to any of his friends. When Steve called to make the meeting, he steered clear from mentioning Rocio’s name. Now he’d let it slip and Maritza was waiting to see what else he’d say. When he didn’t speak, she did. Fear came over her first, “how do you know her name?” He didn’t speak. Now came anger, “why do you know her name?” He still didn’t answer her. Then came frustration, “me vas a decir como chingados sabes el nombre de mi hija, ingrato!” As she uttered out that last word of that sentence she tried to lunge at him but it didn’t really work. He caught her before she could, “si te calmas Maritza, te voy a explicar.” So she tried to calm down. 

What was she supposed to think, her daughter was dating a narco. Steve never considered himself that kind of man, but everyone else did. They sat there, he’d never seen her this quiet looking, almost as if she was trying to decide something. Instead, she kicked him out. He knew Rocio wasn’t going to be safe after this, Maritza was the kind of women who believed in petty acts when she felt wronged. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.

Rocio waited for her siblings at the front of their school. She was happy, her client was an old friend from high school and she tipped generously. Even though her siblings were brats, she was gonna take them out to eat. It was a pretty chill afternoon, she was surprised her mama hadn’t called her to ask where they were. When she entered the apartment something felt off, then saw bags with her things in them, “mama we’re home.” Out of her room Maritza came with another bag of her daughter’s things. 

Maritza wasn’t looking at Rocio like her daughter at the moment, all she was seeing was anger and pettiness. Somewhere deep down she felt wrong for doing this but her pride always controlled her. “Angel, Marcos. Go to the room, pero ya.” The kids knew better than to argue with their angry mama. They sat in the room, they swear they heard something break and screams of pain coming from their older sister. Marcos looked out of the corner of the door frame to see his sister’s face bloody and covered in tears. His mama went back to hit her again, that’s when he went back inside the room. 

Steve picked up Rocio with no time to waste, he’d waited around with his men. What he didn’t expect to see was how swollen her right eye was. She didn’t talk at all the whole drive through. There wasn’t anything he could tell her, except that she was never going back to that place. He had his personal doctor come that very night to his home in Brooklyn. While his girl got fixed up he made some calls and had things arranged. The kids who didn’t deserve that kind of mother, would be watched over carefully. He personally called her grandparent’s, let them know what their daughter/daughter-in-law had done. Then asked his eyes and ears to let the neighborhood know what Maritza had done, the kind of woman she really was. 

Rocio didn’t really sleep that night, the pain was dull but still there. The doctor had given her the heaviest dose that was available but she still felt the pain of the beating she’d gotten. She never believed her mama was capable of that kind of violence but she just didn’t know her like she thought she did. As the silence continued to spread through the room where she waited for Steve to come to bed, her phone began sound off. Messages of apologies and encouragement, people linking her to social media posts with pictures of her face. She didn’t know how this got out to everyone but she figured he was behind it. 

[jksangelic]

in the dark (m)

☾ Rating: M

☾ Genre: pwp, smut, slight crack, very minimal scary times.

☾ Pairing: jikook x female reader (kinda, read the warnings).

☾ Warnings: explicit sexual content, threesome, light male x male action (kissing, their peepees touch but only because of), double vaginal penetration,  oral (female receiving), casual sex, unprotected sex, they fuck in jungkook’s truck, maybe a slight noona kink? sorry.

☾ Summary: “I can’t get a signal on my phone, the car is dead, and I’m fairly certain we are out of matches.”

Jungkook and Jimin have a very short attention span, and when you three are lost in the middle of nowhere with a truck that won’t drive, they busy themselves with you.

☾ Word Count: 6.1k

☾ Note: Here’s another exciting project done for Halloween Smut Fest, hosted by the wonderful admins of @/btssmutclub! I hope you love this little Halloween treat as much as I loved writing it, and if you want more deliciously spooky smut, please check out the club and all it’s wonderful writers!

Another note: I was supposed to post this on Halloween but ya girl was shleep! Anyway, this story was really fun to write considering it’s my first attempt at writing threesome smut! I really hope you all enjoy, and feel free to send me an ask if you liked it personally! (wink)

Another ‘NOTHER note: the “Read More” function is in here so don’t flame me.

You really felt the part, itching yourself in this god-awful over-sized knit sweater that screamed “cactus that died twice over!”. The faux flora that was hot glued on one boob threatened to fall off and if you knew your costume would be this much of a mess, you would’ve just gone for your signature devil that reappeared in the corner of your closet every Halloween. Fuck originality.

“How the hell do you get lost in the same town you’ve lived in for years, Jungkook?” you simmer, itching your bare legs with vigor. For the love of all things pure, this sweater is shedding.

Jungkook grips his steering wheel hard enough that you see his veins threatening to burst, “Well, shit, man. I’m not the one who wanted to take a pit stop at a boba dive that I’ve never been to before. I live in the boonies; no one around here should even know what ‘boba’ is.”

“You didn’t even like it,” he continues, “I told you that we should’ve just head straight to the store and then to Jin-hyung’s house.” You pout, it wasn’t your fault the tapioca was soggy.

“My phone doesn’t have any service,” Jimin pitches in, leaning atop the center console from the backseat with a voice of annoyance. Groaning, you coax your phone to turn on once more. All you get is a tantalizing depleted battery.

“And you left your phone at home? What kind of millennial are you?” you bag on Jungkook, completely horrified by the fact that he nervously rakes his eyes on every passing sign, turning hesitantly only to pull a U-turn, biting his bottom lip and picking at the fuzz on his cheek with his free hand. There was no sugarcoating it. He was lost beyond all comprehension of the word.

“Y/N, literally shut up. If you weren’t stuck to your phone 24/7, you’d have enough battery right now to get us back into town.”

“You’re such an ass, Kook. You’re lucky we even went with you in the first place to get the snacks you vouched to buy and forgot until thirty minutes into the party.”

“Both of you! Stop eating each other’s asses and shut up! I can’t hear my own farts back here,” Jimin growls, turning to Jungkook, “just keep driving, we’re bound to get back on a main road at some point. If you keep turning randomly, we’ll just keep getting fucked.” He was right. The more Kook authorized a new direction, the more the landscape changed and morphed into nothing recognizable.

“Yeah, no shit,” Jungkook spits with an added eye roll, “but there aren’t even signs anymore. I haven’t seen a house in the last five minutes. This is so weird,” he trails off in thought. Fog eventually clouded around the truck, getting denser until you all eased into soft white. Jungkook drove cautiously slow in fear of hitting deer;  you were deep enough in the woods to do so.

It was beautiful in a creepy, Halloweenish way. It was the perfect night for the cold to bite and the moon to smile down menacingly, if only you were in the right place for it.

You sigh, “I wanna be at the party.”

Jimin scoffs, “Don’t we all. What are you even supposed to be?”

Pulling your itchy-ass sweater over your knees, you click your tongue, “I’m obviously a cactus. Can’t you see my thorns?” you pick at the random frayed knots woven into the cloth, pulling them to a point to exaggerate their spikes.

“Why couldn’t you do something sexy? No one wants to get laid with a cactus,” Jimin criticizes. You shrug. Not everyone understands the importance of ingenuity.

“No one wants to get laid by a mummy that only got their neck embalmed,” you retort, eyeing his all-white outfit with, not even joking, three rolls of toilet paper resting atop his shoulders. He didn’t even bother to get the good kind of teepee, 1-ply threatening to be blown away by Jungkook’s measly heater. “Even Kookie’s costume is better, and he painted the bones himself, for heaven’s sake.”

You both study said costume, a plain black long sleeve (way too small but damn it really hugged him in the right spots) messily painted with an anatomically incorrect skeleton on the front and alongside his sleeves. Jungkook snickers, “Look, I even drew a boner,” pointing to where the material is tucked into his skinny jeans and, yes, noticing a random bone sticking out of his pants.

“Penises don’t even—I don’t know. I can’t argue when its an eight out of ten Halloween pun,” you surrender.

The chatter dies down as Jungkook drives around aimlessly, your continuous glances at the clock failing to slow it down so you can get to the store and to Jin’s house before Hoseok drank everything out of the liquor cabinet. You didn’t know how to read a map, not that it mattered since Jungkook would never have one in his glovebox, but damn it all, you really were stuck and were potentially risking crossing the border to another country for all you knew. It would be a lovely, nostalgic feeling to be yelling at each other over a paper map instead, though, aesthetically pleasing and all that good stuff.

Jungkook’s face scrunches, leaning back to peer at his dashboard then leaning back in. He runs his hand through his hair and repeats the set of actions, looking at it closer like he was trying to read another language. It’s on his third round that you stare at him blankly, expecting him to explain why he’s fidgeting like a toddler on two packs of jolly ranchers and a monster.

“Fuck, oh my god. Ohmygodohmygodohmy—,” he panics, laughing as if he’s gone mad.

“Jungkook? What’s wrong with you?” Jimin asks.

The truck sputters and heaves on its wheels, easing itself off the side of the pavement and into the rocky soil. Nearly breaks the gearshift when he shoves it into park and shuts off the engine with an exasperated bleat.

“I—I didn’t think… My dashboard doesn’t calculate how many miles I have left like newer cars and I knew I needed to stop by the gas station but I was going to fill it up when we went to the store so I thought we’d be fine but I forgot when we got lost and—”

“Wait, shut up for a second. Just get to the point,” you rub at your temples, wanting him to strictly verbalize what you already know is happening.

“We’re out of gas. And I just used the rest of what’s in my extra gas can. We’re stuck.”

It takes a few empty stares between you and the boys for your denial to kick in, “That’s funny. You’re funny, Jungkook. It would be so completely idiotic of you to forget to get gas and just now remembering when we’re stuck on some empty country road with no working cellphones and nowhere for us to get help nearby. So tell me you’re joking.”

Jungkook stares straight through the windshield, simultaneously worrying his bottom lip with his teeth. You swear you can hear his heart beating in his ribcage. Turning on the ceiling light, you flash him a bright smile before lunging for his neck. Jimin catches you before you strangle the rest of his IQ out of him and coos you into sedation, “Hey, okay, bringing a dead body into the situation is not optimal!”

“Look, it’s not my fault! I thought we were going straight to the store but you had to change our course,” Jungkook defends.

“Any sane human would just say, ‘Oh, hey, I have to stop by the gas station first because we’re running on empty,’ but no,” you draw out the “o” with squinted eyes and venom in your voice, “you always have to challenge the odds, don’t you? Now we’re stuck out here in the middle of fucking whoknowswhere!”

“You’re being so dramatic, Y/N.”

Your pitch is way above normal, “You’re a dumbass!”

“You’re a bitch!”

“Chill out! The both of you!” Jimin yells, hands still securing your arms to their sides in case you were to claw out anyone’s eyes. “The sooner we find help, the sooner we can get out of this predicament. Let’s try to find a nearby house and see if we can use their phone. There’s bound to be a living soul somewhere around here. I already texted Tae our location, but my phone has yet to deliver it. Sitting here and doing nothing isn’t an option. Let’s go.”

You exhale harshly through your nostrils, nodding your head obediently and signing a truce through eye contact with Kook. “Should one of us stay here just in case a car passes?” you offer.

“I’ll stay here. Sorry, but a single female in an inoperable car is a little sketchy. Can you two function properly or do you need to stay here and think about your actions, Kookie?” Jimin drawls. Jungkook scoffs on cue and is already halfway out the door when the question is asked.

“Why can’t I stay here with you? Jungkook can look by himself,” you whine.

“Someone is more likely to help a couple than some random dude who’s roaming the street by himself. Please, Y/N.”

He was right. Hopping out of the truck, you pull your sweater as far down it can go and bounce on your toes. Damn, it was brisk outside. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Kook says, dripping with sarcasm. The road ahead stretched so far that it disappeared over the horizon uninterrupted. A straight shot. The only source of light is barely graced by a last quarter moon and you decide in your own head that it’s time to forgive and forget, clinging to Jungkook’s arm for warmth and a sense of security.

“Scared?” he asks without a hint of mockery. You shrug. You weren’t sure yet.

Pacing yourselves between a jog and a walk, it seems like way too long of seeing absolutely nothing; the trees and the fog and the road blending together and becoming so unrecognizable that you worry your mind is playing tricks on you. Even worse, you shake vehemently from the cold, goosebumps eating you alive.

“F-F-Fuck, Jungkook. Should we try going the opposite w-way?” your teeth chatter, “We shouldn’t go too—” He covers your mouth with his palm, the rest of your words mumbled into his clammy hand and your body stopped in its tracks.

“What is it?” you try again, licking his skin in attempt to drive his grimy little paw off.

“Shut up!” he whisper-yells, eyes focused on something in the distance off the road. Following his line of sight, it takes a few seconds for your eyes to adjust to what he sees: two warmly glowing orbs far off in the distance. The pace of your heart quickens at the sight, ecstatic to finally see something.

“Lights! It might be the entry to someone’s driveway! Jungkook, c’mon.” He wraps his arms around your body once more to keep it from surging farther down the street, impossibly warm against your back and this time you can feel his heartbeat through the layer of clothes. It beat fast and hard, telltale for the occasional emotion Jungkook hardly ever felt in all his years of living: fear.

“Those aren’t lights,” he breathes into your ear, eyes filled to the brim with dread and voice wavering. “It’s getting closer, what the hell.” Jungkook is right. You stare at them as the mysteriously yellow orbs inch, no, run to the both of you and it’s only then that you realize that they’re eyes.

“Run, fuck, don’t scream, runrunrun,” Kook squeaks as he death-grips your hand and sprints in front of you, your own legs catching up to him before you can fully process what’s going on. Terror suddenly rips through your limbs, propelling you forward like it’s all you knew what to do but even then, Jungkook struggles to keep you alongside him, breathless encouragements like “it’s okay” or “keep running” or “a little faster” keeping you from even thinking of stopping. He could run ahead of you, but here he was, desperately pulling you behind his body that was obviously much more fit for running than yours. Tears prick at your eyes.

You must have walked for miles since it takes another ten-or-so minutes before you see the silhouette of his truck that was, at that moment, the most beautiful hunk of metal you ever laid your eyes on. Porsche’s had nothing on Jungkook’s dinky old pickup.

Opening a rear door, Jungkook all but shoves you atop Jimin before jumping in himself, not bearing the thought of having to sit in the front seat alone. Jimin watches with a bewildered look as you two struggle to catch your breaths, peeking out the front windshield to see if the eyes were anywhere in sight. Thank the heavens, they weren’t.

You curl into Jimin’s chest and bite back sobs of anxiety. “What the hell was that?”

“Was what?” Jimin finally inquires, clutching you close despite lack of an explanation.

“There was something, a bear or a wolf or something. It started chasing us,” Kook informs, a questioning lilt in his answer because he didn’t really know. “God, those eyes. It looked tall, I don’t even know if it was an animal.”

“I’m not going back outside. Neither are you,” you deadpan, “not when that thing is out there.” The boys nod in agreement.

“Hey, it’ll be okay. I’m sure Tae will get our message soon and he’ll come get us. We just need to stay here and be patient,” Jimin says comfortingly.

Jungkook tsks, “What if he doesn’t?” Jimin punches his arm and he yelps in pain.

“If worse comes to worse,” Jimin glares at the younger, “then we stay in the truck until it gets light enough to look for houses without worrying about being mauled by bears or wolves or deer or anything of the like. Each of us will take turns as lookout just in case anyone passes by. We’ll be fine, okay, Y/N?” He must notice your quaking so you shake your head in compliance.  After a few minutes of discussion, you properly seat yourself in the middle and bring your knees to your chin, foreboding residing and the bitter cold seeping back into your list of things that suck tonight.

The first thirty minutes pass as if it’s several hours, games of rock-paper-scissors and skeptical scopes out of the windows unbearably monotonous. Jimin’s sudden force of bladder earns a heated debate of whether or not you would allow him outside or not, eventually approving when Jungkook offers an empty beer can and you’d much rather not. At the time Jimin staggers out of the vehicle, you perceive that the temperature both within the truck and outside have reached equilibrium and try your best not to whimper at the fact.

“Why don’t you try to sleep, Y/N? We can stay up for now,” Jungkook offers after another twenty minutes of the knife game (but with a mechanical pencil), hands now shuffling over his biceps to stimulate heat.

“Can’t. Too cold,” your breath puffs between your lips.

“It’s because you’re not wearing pants, sweets,” Jimin starts, pulling his long sleeve by the collar and over his head before laying it over your thighs politely. When you open your mouth to claim that you don’t need it, you throw all of your manners away because damn his shirt is warm on your prickled legs. Besides, seeing Jimin’s protruding muscles from his immodest tank wasn’t the worst thing.

The younger scoffs, “God, hyung, you’re just trying to show off.” He tilts his head in a demeaning manner, an odd tension ricocheting between the men.

“What? No, you little shit. She said she was cold so I’m trying to keep her warm.” Jimin only receives a belittling tch.

Hubris truly was one of Jungkook’s worst faults, you and Jimin incredulous when his hands lift your waist so you plop down between his lap, one of his legs resorting where you sat before and holding you close to his chest. While you struggle to pry his arms off, he only looks towards his hyung and gives him an award-winning smirk, “I’ll keep her warmer.”

“J-Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, shuddering when he massages the meat of your thigh.

“I’m just trying to make you feel better,” he purrs, looming over your shoulder, “am I warm?” And even though every siren in your head blares, you melt into his heater-like body because, yes, he was warm. Who were you to deny such an offer? So you hum your answer.

Jungkook victoriously peeps at Jimin through his eyelashes, breath fanning against your shoulder, “See?”

Jimin raises an unimpressed brow, rolling his eyes before stretching out as far as he can with limited leg room and rests his arms behind his head with ease. You watch as every muscle beneath his tank moves and extends, pecs scandalously flexing in his newfound position.

You squint, “I don’t know what the hell you two are doing, but you better stop it.”

“What? You were so scared and cold, poor thing, I’m just trying to distract you,” his palms press against your hips, digging his crotch into your tailbone, “You shouldn’t be so irked, it’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

Images flash through your mind like kaleidoscope; a scorching hot kaleidoscope that left you writhing in his sheets in a wet, moaning mess. Suddenly appreciative of how dark it is as so the boys can’t see your flustered features, you sneer, “That was a long time ago, Kook.”

Jimin’s interest must be piqued, watching him slither over and pout in your face, “Ahh, you’ve fucked Jungkook too? You didn’t tell me.” He looks thoroughly disappointed. Jimin was one of your closest friends but it didn’t mean you were obligated to inform him of every sex endeavor you’ve ever experienced. Even more so when he was on that list, several times, it just made things awkward.

If the sirens were blaring earlier, your head was aflame by now, two horny men toying with you like predators to their prey. “What’s it to you mongrels? I can do what I want.”

“Who was better?” For some reason you can’t differentiate either of their voices when they’re both low, husky, full of hunger, but you just guess it’s Jungkook, the competitive bastard.

“I’m not fucking doing this with you two right now, do you know what situation we’re in? Please keep your dicks tucked.”

“I kinda see a great opportunity to rid our boredom and warm up the car a bit,” Jimin soothes, pressing cold, plump lips to your propped knee, fingers weaving in the hem of your sweater, “Don’t you agree, Kookie?”

He foregoes answering his counterpart, keen on squeezing the answer out of you (quite literally, as his hands grip the plush skin of your inner leg), “Answer me,” he growls into the crook of your neck.

“Fuck,” your breath hitches and fails to brave a front, “I don’t know. You were both good in different ways. Kn-knock it off, Jeon.”

“But it’s been so long, noona. Let us take care of you. C’mon, I need a yes.” By this time, Jimin starts suckling on the opposite collarbone, hands flat on your stomach but never daring to touch lower nor higher until you give them your unwavering permission. You purr like a kitten and do what he fails to do, gliding his hands until he reached soft, supple breast and kneading your fingers through his.

Startled by your ministrations, Jimin releases his wet lips from your neck and stares through your eyes with primal want; need, even. It made your bones melt.

“So, do you guys do this often? Share your meals?” you say into his lips, pulling on the bottom between your teeth and eliciting a grunt from the boy.

“We share a lot of things, doll,” he mumbles back, tongue sweet for a reason unknown, a sickeningly sweet poison enwrapping you in sheer desire. Jungkook grows impatient, hooking palms under your knees to spread them up and apart, no shame in getting to the point. Despite the lack of light, the new position steals Jimin’s attention as he stares at what you hide between your legs.

“Thought it’d make it easier for you to get to, hyung,” Kook offers wickedly.

“Are we really doing this right now? Just going to have a threesome in the back of your truck, Kookie?”

“Do you not want to?”

“No I do, it’s just fucking cramped back here.”

You’re not facing him but you practically feel the satirical eye roll, “Sorry, princess, should I lay out a blanket in the middle of the road? Would that accommodate more to your specifications?”

“Better watch your mouth, or you’ll be watching me and Jimin only.”

He humps into your back once, well near whining into your ear, “Okay, ‘m sorry.”

All the while, Jimin prodded at your clothed sex with a thumb, long strokes from above your clit to the edge of your perineum, drawing out patterns that made your stomach flex in anticipation. “Jimin, please.”

Jungkook pipes in, “Are you going to taste her? I can smell her from here. Smells good.” Jimin quite likes the idea, pushing your legs even higher to sniff you himself, nose buried deep in the fabric and breathing you in. Occasional nips send shivers in your loins, audible gasps urging him on for more, please, more. Rather, he takes to the moldable flesh of your inner thigh, mouthing at it so ferociously that the spots ache but it only sends you further. You did love foreplay, after all.

Jungkook’s rutting cock to your tailbone doesn’t go unnoticed, looking back at the devilishly angelic face, eyes sewn shut as his focus tapers in to the movements of his hips, looking for any sort of relief. Feeling a little victorious, your words drip with pride, “Rutting like some sort of dog, huh?” His eyes snap open at your exclamation, warning, but never opposing. At the same time Jungkook shuts you up with his tongue in your mouth, Jimin sticks his own in your eager pussy, both boys lapping into your heats with such vigor that you had no distinct feeling of either—it all blended into euphoric bliss.

Kook swallows your moans without a complaint, teeth and tongue colliding into something so completely unorganized that it was pornographic. The older moans while collecting every drop of arousal he can, pretty nose rubbing against your bud, thumbs spreading your lips beautifully and sinful tongue working wonders in and out of you.

“Feel good, babydoll?” Jungkook mutters in the midst of open-mouthed kisses, “Jimin’s real good with his mouth, ain’t he?” The opposite chuckles at the mention, watching you cry in joy as he sucks your clit between his teeth. “Hyung, what does she taste like? Prep her for me, will you?”

Jimin halts his attention to you, taking a moment to stretch his back in the confined space that seemed to sway with his movements, chin dribbling with so much you that for even the smallest of moments, even you were a little ashamed. He winks at you, “Why don’t you taste her yourself?”

The proposition makes your face scrunch; the thought of having to rearrange so Jungkook could eat you out seems excessive, denoting your trait of lazy loving above all. What you find instead, is Jimin’s handsome face nearing yours, only to avoid you completely and inch closer over the shoulder Jungkook relies on. Watching Jimin slide his overly-moist tongue into Jungkook’s willing lips leveled to living in a wet dream, you can’t help but moan as your two closest friends elicit lewd smacking sounds from one another, drool accumulating so incredibly that it leaks down onto your skin. Fuck.

Your obnoxious whining is what separates Jimin from his other half with a rather reluctant growl, calming your rowdy self with a kiss of your own, strings of their saliva still connected as he transitions from Kook to you.  His mouth sears, leaving you to believe that you’re quite literally melting into those god-gifting lips and you’ve never been more heated from a simple kiss in your entire being. Jungkook takes to his jeans, releasing his member from its restraints and giving himself a few sluggish tugs, knuckles scraping along your spine as he pumps.

“I don’t need to be prepped, just get on with it, Kookie.” Jimin quirks an impressed smirk.

“Oh? I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think that’s how you ask for me, Y/N, you know that.”

“Fuck, Jeon, please fuck me, I’m begging you. Jus’ need to be filled,” you admit, using wobbly arms to try to hoist yourself up. Jimin does the rest, lifting your hips to sit on Jungkook’s lap, and even more importantly, propping you onto his dick all at once, girth stretching you oh so wonderfully that you squirm in his hold. The latter groans at the slick intrusion, hips hastily rolling upwards without prompt, but you don’t complain.

“You really didn’t need to be prepped, huh? You fit so nicely around me. Why’s that, babydoll?” he snarls, hands upon hands gripping your ass and beneath your thighs, keeping you in a hovered position above Kook so he can ceaselessly pound into you from mid-shaft to hilt, over and over and over. You wail in their clutches, hysterical in the feeling and arching beyond your limits so he can hit that aching spot deep inside you.

“Answer him when he asks you a question,” Jimin cautions, leaning back down to suck purples into your hipbones with lazy eyes.

“I,” you heave at a particularly hard thrust but try again, “I just got fucked last night hah—Jungkook, upupup.” He abides with a coo, aiming for your bellybutton and incessantly jabbing the place where you craved him most, fire roaring inside your stomach. You’re so limp, deadweight in their grips that you wonder how they even keep you in place, all the more when Jimin resumes his attack on your clit with that skilled tongue, licking stripes from where Jungkook’s skin slid into yours all the way to where the material of your panties started. “Having so much fun without us, yeah? I’ll make you feel even better,” Jungkook says, snapping you back into the moment.

Your vision starts to blend, inexistent stars appearing into an otherwise blind view as your limbs warn to give out even more than they currently are. “Fuck, please! I’m going to—ugh!” Jimin spits on Jungkook’s dick before pressing the rough flat of his wet muscle to your throbbing bud once more, assisting the younger’s glide and simultaneously working to wring out your orgasm.

And does it come, bones solid and muscles taut as you constrict around Jungkook like a boa, crying out in pained ecstasy as your pussy squeezes to essentially push out its intruder. Kook himself hisses, unable to move in your vice-like grip until you eventually free yourself of your high, Jimin kindly cleaning you with utmost care from below. Wholesomely exhausted, you rest your tired head on Jungkook’s shoulder, kissing his jaw appreciatingly, “Did you cum, Kookie?” Obviously not, you think, his cock still hard as ever and still sheathed inside you.

“No, princess. It’s okay, I don’t need to if you’re too spent.” He gives you a reassuring smile, bunny teeth so endearing, so profound alongside his normally prick-ish personality. Of course, he wouldn’t be your friend if you really thought of him as a nuisance.

“Mm-mm, go ahead boys. I’ll be perfectly fine.”

They look at each other briefly, telepathically debating on their next move. “Can we try something?” Jimin inquires sweetly. You nod willingly, always a little bit of a sucker for Park Jimin. “Good girl, if it’s too much, your safe word’s ‘red’, ‘kay? Use it if you need to, I mean it.” Jimin (and his very un-vanilla like kinks) of all people never pushed your safe word so far, your curiosity really getting the best of you as he sits up with an already warmed-up dick. He must’ve took it out long before, the thought of him jacking off to you igniting what used to be a dull flame in your belly.

It’s when he drags his head at your clit that the puzzle pieces click, his own precum dripping down your abused lips and Kook’s shaft. The other nibbles on your ear, whispering calming affirmations as Jimin desperately looks for an opening.

“Fuck, it’s so dark in here,” he barks, jarring in contrast to the saccharine notes Jungkook practically sing-songs in your neck. “Do you think you can take it, Y/N?”

The question isn’t challenging whatsoever, but it makes you determined to please. Even without his confirmation, there’s nothing more you want at this moment, so you reach  out for him, pressing his soft, velvety head in the space right above Jungkook’s, inching ever so slowly closer and closer to his hilt. By the skin of your teeth is the pain almost unbearable, an embarrassing guttural cry wrenching out of your throat as Jimin’s hips kiss yours. “Fuck, ugh, hell, please just stay for a second,” you dig your canines into your lip, forehead resting on a worried Jimin’s.

“Should’ve let him prep you, princess,” Jungkook husks, not so skilled at hiding his own displeasure. If the discomfort didn’t freeze you in place, you would’ve dug an elbow into his ribs for revenge.

“Shut it,” your voice cracks, “No offense, Jimin, baby, but your fingers wouldn’t have done anything to help this situation.” Park scowls but takes it otherwise lightly. His fingers were, also, not a true indicator to his size; although smaller than Jungkook, Jimin sported a curve that resembled the best dildo money can buy. Even now as it settles into your most delicate nook, he essentially eases the pain, replacing the feeling with steady eagerness for someone to move.

“Please,” is all you muster, taking Jimin’s thick bottom lip between your teeth playfully and releasing it with a high-pitched moan as he tests a thrust, Jungkook biting into your shoulder with the increasing speed.

To describe it to the best of your ability, it was simply the pure definition of being full. It was the thought of two deliciously large cocks moving in tandem, scraping your insides as the boys chased their highs like wild dogs that got you off more than anything. It was the filthy squelches, the grunts and groans, the hands roaming over your body and the growing sways of Jungkook’s truck as Jimin rolls into you that makes you cry in unadulterated rapture.

“Ha-aah, hyung, my legs are falling asleep. Let me do it,” Jungkook pants, hand already reaching out to push Jimin’s abs, clearly not asking for permission.

Park carefully readjusts, his back laying on the seat, your head against his shoulder and Jungkook kneeling behind, cunt still stuffed with them both. “Please, please move, ugh—” you beg.

“Gonna finish this off, okay? Use the word if it gets to be too much,” he warns warmly, polar opposite of his future actions, but you nod in agreement.

He slides out almost all the way, wiggling his hips a bit before plunging back inside with all the force he can gather. You wail and subconsciously straighten your arms beside Jimin, unable to quietly lay down as Jungkook fucks you into oblivion. The position is worth it, seeing Jimin’s lidded eyes and mouth forming a pretty “o” and you can’t help but wonder what it feels for him, frenulum’s catching each other with each aching shove and shafts fighting for space within.

“D-Don’t look at me like that, Y/N,” he grumbles, rutting ever so slightly.

“Like what, baby?” you drawl, “Hey, how does it feel? Fucking one of your best friends with another one of your best friends? Don’t tell me you’re going to cum from something like that…”

He knew exactly what you were doing, taking no bullshit as he lifts a hand to your hair and yanks on it, “Watch it, babydoll. You’re not one to talk when you’ve already cum once. Not too long before you do again, right?” He laughs in your face, entirely dehumanizing.

You have no choice but to nod (a little stiffly, as his hand still tugs on your strands), “Y-Yes, Jimin.” He clicks his tongue.

“Won’t call me ‘daddy’ in front of Jungkook, huh? Shame.”

“I’d get confused of who she’s referring to,” Kook chimes in, revealing a shit-eating grin with a particularly hard thrust that makes you shed tears. You hang your head, unable to contain your moans as a familiar burn churns.

“Good girl, such a good girl,” Jungkook murmurs, palming the flesh of your ass and gaining even more momentum, “Noona takes our dicks so well, just made for us, aren’t you?” You sigh your validation.

Jimin picks up his own pace, out when Jungkook’s in, in when Jungkook’s out, pants turning into continuous groans, “Babe, I gotta cum. Where?” Your lips latch onto his in a crazed manner.

“Inside,” you speak in kisses, “inside, please, both of you.”

Jimin is the first to cum, seed only making Jungkook’s thrusts easier. Kook presses his chest to your back, unreservedly ramming into you with all he is that you collapse into Jimin’s shoulder once more. He follows shortly after, his own mix of white intermingling with his hyung’s, remaining there until he’s sure everyone’s breathing has calmed.

“Careful,” you wince, grabbing Jungkook’s arm warningly as he pulls himself out of your abused cunt. Jimin’s soft member remains with your request, already discontent with the emptiness after Kook’s depart.

“Ew, you’re drooling on me,” Jimin complains, and he’s right, your face sticky and wet when you lift your cheek.

“Shit, the cum’s leaking all over my seats, literally get up,” Jeon whines.

“Ugh I fucking hate you both.”

You’re the only one to get up, maneuvering around and arguing with the younger boy as he desperately tries to clean his seats, which were beyond repair in the first place. The windows are fogged up to the point of condensation, droplets threatening to grow too big and fall.

You brows cinch together in utter confusion, staring at the groups of water that start to tint an odd, orange hue. It disappears as quick as you realize it, though, and you figure the after-effects of the threesome was starting to make you hallucinate.

“Do you guys really think my fingers are that short? I think they’re fine,” Jimin pouts.

Jungkook snickers, “Yeah, those fingers don’t reach sh—"

BAM!

The three of you flinch and fly to Jimin’s side, watching with horror as, what looked like, a giant paw disappearing from the window’s view. Your mind sputters to the image of the thing in the woods and your sweat seems to freeze over, hair standing on end and fear coursing through your veins.

“Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck,” the boys ramble over themselves, clutching you close to their bodies.

In the reflection of the fogged glass, you see the orange tint you saw seconds ago, hesitantly turning your head behind you and making eye contact with the glowing orbs mere inches away. You shriek at the top of your lungs, the other two yelling because you are, then full-fledge screech when they see them too.

“Oh my fucking god, shut up! You’re no fun to scare. Unlock the door,” a muffled voice growls from outside.

“Taehyung?” you all accuse.

Jungkook all but shoves the door open, revealing a Taehyung with werewolf mask now propped atop his skull, smiling from ear-to-ear that he got you three so good.

“Hey y’all, sorry it took me so long to get here. I got Jimin’s message and—what the hell, Jimin, put your dick away—oh sweet mother of pearl it smells fucking carnal in there. Please don’t tell me you had a threesome when you’re stranded in the middle of nowhere.”

You don’t even attempt to shuffle your clothes fully back on like the other two, who were, blushing like elementary schoolgirls. “We got bored, and it was cold,” is all you say.

“Well, don’t you move on fast, Y/N. Was I not enough to satisfy last night, pretty thing?” he juts out his bottom lip, feigning hurt. On the contrary, you think.

Park and Jeon stare at you in disbelief, piecing together what Taehyung is saying. “What?” you snarl, “I told you guys.”

Taehyung paces a bit, palming himself through his jeans before shoving Jimin’s shoulder and crowding himself into Jungkook’s already-cramped backseat, “Fuck, I got a hard-on now. Can you guys handle one more round?”

omg I hope you guys liked, my BUSSY hurt writing it (~:

[sunshinexlollipops]

Have you given up on ACW?

Hey anon, to answer your question: no.

I meant to make a more detailed post explaining what has gone on BUT I have just had shit keep happening to me time after time.

To put it simply: I have not had the time or ability to write ACW this month.

Have I given up on it? Forgotten it? Been pushing it off? Ignoring it?

No. I’ve been terribly busy and stressed in the process of trying to replace my car. Which has single-handedly been one of the worst experiences I’ve ever gone through.

Sounds dramatic right? No.

I have been:

Treated horribly bc I’m trying to buy a lower-priced used car outright instead of financing on any and I’ve had dealers tell me “I don’t care about those” and hang up on me

I had to pull money out of my college fund to even get a majority of my car budget and that was like pulling teeth

I was trying to save every penny I could of money I earned afterward so I was trying to spend NOTHING while literally picking pennies off the ground

I spent an entire day just rolling my own change to help my budget

I have gone to car lots trying to find a car I discovered online that is listed to be there only to find out it’s sold or even in another state

^ that happened to me 3 times

Some lots left listings on hella good car deals to lure people in

I found out I couldn’t finance a car bc I have no credit history but lord did they try for me to do so

And the biggest issue is that since I am a woman, I faced SO MUCH SHIT from dealers thinking I was an idiot or waisting their time.

One dealer literally lost his shit after I declined a sale because:

He was trying to finance me on a car worth 10k. From taxes and other fees and interest, and extra 6k was added to the car’s price. My car payment was gonna be almost $400/month and with having to get the insurance required for a car on lean I wouldn’t be able to spend any of my money on anything but the car for a year and he thought this was okay.

He was so sneaky he tried to get me to “drive the car home” to show my mom once she got off work. “All you gotta do is buy insurance and she can see it! And I’ll get you dealer tags!” THAT IS SELLING ME THE CAR. NO.

Once the deal fell through bc I refused to do anything but tell him we were done, he immediately changed with how he was acting and says “this is bullshit,” and proceeded to go fucking nuclear.

Said my parents didn’t love me bc they were going to buy a used car for me with no warranty and high mileage and I was gonna get screwed over even more than I already was without having a car.

He called my parents idiots for not co-signing and “I prayed to god for this deal and they won’t let you have it” — and overall he mostly zeroed in my mom, who bought two cars from them, saying she was a “fool” and “I couldn’t even talk to her for doing this to you.”

Said my parents didn’t love me and “you can’t do this to your daughters. Sons you can put in shitty used cars with high mileage, but your daughter? To have it break down on the side of the road? Haven’t they read the news? Don’t they know what happens to women?”

Complained that we were going to make him look like an idiot bc he reworked this car deal for me 4-5 times and now he’s gonna have to explain to his boss I said no and get him “in trouble” and that he might lose his job bc I’m not buying this car.

Needless to say I’ve been stressed as fuck this month.

And, a few days ago, I bought a car.

But it isn’t working out.

There was a crack in the windshield the dealer said they would replace. And this isn’t a sketchy side-of-the-road dealer, this is a franchised Ford dealership.

Well, the day after I bought my car (a green 2000 Honda CRV that needs some cosmetic love), I was told it would be fixed and they would call me to pick it up.

They didn’t do so. Either with calling me or fixing the windshield.

I called them 3 times, right after I got off from work at about 4, and then, about an hour before they were set to close.

I got a call back after leaving messages asking how my car was and if it was ready for pick up to come 10min before the dealer shut its doors for the night to get it.

So I show up and it’s raining and at night, so I don’t immediately see the crack is still there until I get home.

Thankfully I live right down the road, so I still had enough time to call them back and say: “wtf? This was supposed to be fixed? Y’all said it would be?”

The gentleman on the phone tells me: “Bring the car in tomorrow morning. We will get you a loan vehicle while we fix it and you should get it back same day. What time would you be coming in?”

I tell him about 9am or a little past, and he says he will make a note of it.

Come morning, I make sure to take pics of the windshield.

I take it, find out the guy to fix it isn’t even in till Monday, and since it’s a 7-8in crack it’s not safe to drive around with (the salesman even told me for it to be on the lot it had to be fixed).

So now o have a loaner car after getting to complain to the sales manager and I broke down crying bc I havent had my car for even 48hrs and they’re already having to take it back and keep it for several days longer.

The lady who does car loaning for people like me felt so bad she prayed for me before I left and texted me personally about my car bc i discovered they cleaned the brake pedal and it was worn down to expose metal— not a common thing you see on a car with only 97k miles.

Both she and I did research on the vehicle to make sure the odometer wasn’t rolled back (something highly illegal and fraudulent).

So I’m out of a car at least until Monday, but it just depends on how this all goes down.

Until then I have a 2019 Ford Edge and it’s nicer than anything I’ve ever been in but still.

So yeah. I haven’t brushed off ACW.

I literally have just been having the worst luck and time and this has taken priority over writing.

Not that I’m shitting on you anon, but this is what’s happening and this is why there won’t be an update this month.

I’m sorry, but it’s just how this has played out for me and everything else.

All i can say is that I hope this works out soon and for the better. 🤷‍♀️

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Heya Steph! You have any good whump!John fics? Or just any fics where Sherlock's the one caring for/worrying about John?

FUCK YES I DO NONNY XD It’s on my Sick Fics offline list, so it makes me happy when someone wants fics I’ve already got sorted, LOL.

Check it out:

SHERLOCK TAKES CARE OF JOHN

You Lead, I Lead, You Follow, I Follow by BrighteyedJill (M, 862 w. || Fever, H/C, John Whump) – John wakes up after a chase gone wrong to find Sherlock watching over him, but he’s a little hazy on the details.

Home and Dry by BeautifulFiction (G, 1,052 w. || Fluff, Friendship, Pre-Slash) – Sometimes actions speak louder than words, and comfort can come from the most unlikely source. John and Sherlock pre-slash blanket-fic fluff.

What to do with an Ailing Flatmate by LyricalSinger (K, 1,076 w. || Friendship / Fluff) – John is ill, and Sherlock is trying!

Internal by OldBesinaStuff (T, 1,131 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump) – Just a one-shot wherein John is injured and Sherlock deals with it - in multiple ways.

Overtime by glow_in_the_dark (G, 1,149w. || Fluff, Tea, Caring Sherlock) – John has worked over 80 hours this week, and will no doubt have to go into work tomorrow too. Arriving home beyond dead tired, his flatmate seems to take make it his personal mission to make John comfortable. Part 2 of Little Fluffy Oneshots

I’m Sorry by bewdifuldragon (K, 1,172 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Sick John) – During a case - that just for the record, he never wanted to take on anyway - John falls ill; and a guilt-ridden Sherlock does everything he can to make amends.

Two To Tango (The Cold Hands, Warm Heart Remix) by igrockspock (T, 1,207 w. || Domestic) – When John is wounded while pursuing a suspect, Sherlock refuses to leave his side. {{FAVE!}}

Fractured by Starlight05 (K+, 1,865 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Unconscious Violence, Nightmares) - John has a nightmare, and Sherlock, worried, goes to help him, with consequences.

Listening By Ear by StillWaters1 (T, 3,384 w. || Lestrade POV, Friendship, H/C, John Whump) –  Lestrade figured that anyone who thought John Watson wasn’t important, and that Sherlock hadn’t changed since meeting him, had to be completely, bloody deaf. Because it was all right there, in every sound Sherlock made. For anyone attentive enough to listen.

Worth It by JezebelGoldstone (G, 3,467 w. || Fluff, Humour, Injury, H/C, Cuddling) – John receives a minor injury during a case, and Sherlock’s reaction makes John wonder if Sherlock is the best friend he’s ever had, or the worst.

All That I Have by the_arc5 (M, 3,721 w. || Post-TGG Canon Divergence, Pining Sherlock, John Whump, Anxious / Worried Sherlock, Light Angst) – In the aftermath of the Great Game, Sherlock finds himself with a new weakness. John is both the cause and the cure.

Every Step of the Way by Shi-Toyu (T, 3,858 w. || Romance, Hurt/Comfort, John Whump) – When John is injured on a case, Sherlock can’t forgive himself. Everyone expects him to give up on his flatmate and get bored, but he’ll prove them all wrong by sticking with him…every step of the way. Eventual Johnlock.

Water Is Another Matter by cathedral_carver (T, 3,903 w. || Pining, First Kiss) – He thinks it’s in trouble, his poor heart.

I’ll Take Care of You by Lastew (T, 4,123 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Sick John) – Sherlock doesn’t always communicate well and sometimes that leads to problems. What happens if John suffers because of it?

A Moment Changes Everything by CymraegCariad (K+, 4,294 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, John Whump, Friendship) – John gets hurt and Sherlock tries to help.

Between Asleep and Awake by katydidit (K, 4,309 w. || Friendship, Sick Fic, Post-TRF / Reunion) – John is sick. Incredibly, extremely, dangerously sick. Plagued by a high fever, he begins to hallucinate, start seeing things that aren’t really there. Because they can’t be there. Can they?

Memories Lost on Christmas Day by agnesanutter, PlainJane (G, 4,479 w. || Fluff, Hospitals, Worried Sherlock, Post-TRF, Christmas) – It’s the day before Christmas and Sherlock and John are exactly where they need to be….

Cephalalgia by the_beekeeper_of_sussex (E, 4,979 w. || First Kiss, Frottage, Friends to Lovers) – John is in pain and it’s up to Sherlock to set him to rights by any means possible.

Drive by lifeonmars (M, 9,537 w. || Virginity, Awkward First Times, Minor Injuries) – John and Sherlock are stranded by the roadside, and John is injured. They need to spend the night in the back of a humvee. Sherlock is confused. John is understanding.

Where the Sun Never Shines by teahigh (T, 11,634 w. || PTSD, Nightmares, H/C, Post-TRF, Implied Sex) – John is a mess. Sherlock can’t fix him, but he tries. That’s good enough, John thinks.

Understanding by rizandace (T, 13,268 w. || Friendship, Hurt/Comfort) – Sherlock’s hiding something about his newest case, and John wants answers. Set post-TGG. Friendship fic, mostly, with brief entrances from Harry and Lestrade just for fun.

The Consequences of Caring by Richefic (K+, 16,156 w. || Friendship & Angst, Domestics, Platonics) – Sherlock might scoff at this ‘caring’ lark. But John Watson’s situation cries out to be 'solved’ and there is nothing that Holmes likes more than solving things. A series in four parts.

Partners in Crime by Richefic (T, 16,560 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sick John, Meddling Mycroft, Caring Sherlock, Domestics) – John Watson receives some devastating news which puts a spanner in his medical ambitions. Will Sherlock prove capable of the kind of comfort and reassurance he needs or will their partnership be ended before its even begun? Set between 1.1 and 1.2.

John Watson doesn’t have a Boyfriend by naughtyspirit (E, 18,932 w. || UST / URT, Fluff & Smut, Voyeurism, Masturbation) – John’s date has gone very well. Sherlock requires tea. John wishes he hadn’t resolved that their relationship was strictly hands off and isn’t about to address it. Unless he has to. Smut, fluff and shower time for a naked John Watson.

The Midas Touch by flawedamythyst (E, 32,231 w. || Magical Realism, John has a Magical Cock, Dub Con, Healer John) – John Watson has a medical condition that means everyone he sleeps with is instantly healed of all illness and injury. This causes complications when Sherlock breaks his arm, and even more complications when Sherlock falls in love with him. Yes, this is a story where John has a literal magic healing cock. It’s a lot less cracky than you’re probably imagining. Warning: Contains complex issues of sexual consent, although not between Sherlock and John.

Right Hand Man by SilentAuror (E, 42,031 w. ||  H/C, Injury, Slow Burn) – When John’s left arm becomes paralysed after a car accident, Mary asks Sherlock to take him back to Baker Street to recuperate, as she’s about to give birth. Despite the fact that the search for Moriarty is ongoing, Sherlock takes John in and takes responsibility for overseeing his rehabilitation as he adjusts to the loss of his arm.

Scars by SilentAuror (E, 60,493 w. || Rape / Non-Con / Abuse, Gaslighting, Manipulation, Dub Con Elements, Homophobia, Angst With Happy Ending, Mary is Not Nice) – S3 rewrite, showing Mary’s manipulation of John as he realizes his love for Sherlock. Mary is not having it.

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w. || FutureAU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say:Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl – but cannot be ignored. Oh, and…porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

JOHN IS SICK / HURT (WHUMP FICS)

Prayers by Jberry (M, 665 w. || H/C, Injury, John Whump, Fear of Death, First Person Sherlock) – Sherlock has never been a man who prayed.

Words Were Never Useful by Jenn1984 (K+, 819 w. || Hurt Comfort, John Whump, Friendship, Ambiguous Ending) - ALLEY BEHIND THE BOOKSTORE, JOHN STABBED. HELP NOW. SH

I Never Told You by MrsNoggin (T, 1,650 w. || Fluff & Angst) – Who looks after John when Sherlock is gone? Just a bit of angsty fluff, maybe with a bit of a happy ending. A little wishful one-shot, rated for John’s good old British pottymouth.

206 Reasons by whitchry9 (K+, 1,693 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Pre-Slash, Light Angst, Worried Sherlock) – John won’t wake up, so Sherlock lists all the reasons why he should. Because he appears to be a bit besotted. How inconvenient.

Take My Hand, Knot Your Fingers Through Mine by patster223 (K+, 2,003 w. || H/C & Friendship) - “I know this is an inconvenience for you, but I would really rather you were awake right now, John.” John is unconscious, and Sherlock decides to talk to him anyway. Sherlock/John pre-slash.

Water Is Another Matter by cathedral_carver (T, 3,903 w. || Sick Fic, Pining, First Kiss, Heat Wave) – He thinks it’s in trouble, his poor heart.

Between Asleep and Awake by katydidit (K, 4,309 w. || Friendship, Sick Fic, Post-TRF / Reunion) – John is sick. Incredibly, extremely, dangerously sick. Plagued by a high fever, he begins to hallucinate, start seeing things that aren’t really there. Because they can’t be there. Can they?

Bound Into the Fire by Tara Laurel (T, 6,672 w. || TEH, Suspense, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Bonfire Scene, John Whump, Mary is Nice) – “John sometimes compared Sherlock Holmes to the flaming beast in his mind…Not such a bad way to go, John mused. Being consumed by Sherlock. Dying in his fire. No. This was different. He was burning alive. Not figuratively. Not some flowery metaphor. Burning.” There was no two minute stay of execution. “Amazing how fire exposes our priorities.”

Galapogos by anchors (E, 8,460 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Angst, 5 and 1, John Whump) – Somewhere in the depths of the universe, and somewhere in the middle of Sherlock’s chest, a star goes into supernova.

We Might Not Make It Home by Ballykissangel (K+, 10,702 || Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Slash) – A few months later they are on a case that has gone horribly wrong They find themselves gravely wounded and locked in a cellar Holding onto to each other and trying their best to stay alive Sherlock can’t bring himself to say another goodbye to his dying friend and John can’t find the will to live anymore and just wants to stop hurting. Sequel to When Evening Falls So Hard.

Equilibrium by augustbird (M, 12,351 w. || Jealous then Worried Sherlock, Sick John) – At Baskerville, John is infected by a virus that turns him into a genius. But when the infection progresses into neurodegeneration, it’s a race against time to save himself. Flowers for Algernon fusion.

Obsession by storylover18 (K+, 15,213 w. || HC, Case Fic, Friendship) - Dr. John Watson wakes up ill one morning but it is not the 24 hour flu he thinks it was. Soon he lands in hospital, quickly deteriorating and Sherlock must work to find out what has happened to his blogger before it is too late. Case!fic mixed with sick!fic / No slash.

Vessel by Rhuia (E, 15,695 w. || Cancer, Medfic) – That was the surprising bit – the way his doctor said it, eyes shining with sympathy but breathing it out, shifting it off her shoulders and thrusting it onto his, making him take it like an unwanted gift.

Partners in Crime by Richefic (T, 16,560 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Sick John, Meddling Mycroft, Caring Sherlock, Domestics) – John Watson receives some devastating news which puts a spanner in his medical ambitions. Will Sherlock prove capable of the kind of comfort and reassurance he needs or will their partnership be ended before its even begun? Set between 1.1 and 1.2.

The dying Doctor by marylouleach (T, 21,168 w. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, John Whump) – Doctor Watson is gunned down in a dark alley after work, Sherlock wont rest until he finds the man responsible. Guilt riddles him when he realizes he could have prevented this.

M Is For Moriarty by ElvendorkInfinity (T, 29,882 w. || Suspense, Mystery, Case Fic, Worried Sherlock, No Slash, Whump) – A figure at the end of the hospital bed; a needle in the dark…Moriarty has John, and Sherlock must follow the paper trail through London to find him before time runs out. Sequel to BANG.

You Have Drawn Red From My Hands by J_Baillier (T, 67,085 w. || Heavy John Whump, Hurt / Comfort, Pining, Heavy Angst, Case Fic/Adventure, Slow Burn, Sick Fic, Injury, Guilt & Depression, Just Talk Already Please, Medical Realism, PTSD) –  John getting injured leads Sherlock on a path of guilt and revelations.

The Vapor Variant by 88thParallel (CanadaHolm) (M, 72,684 w. || Post-THoB, John Whump, Protective Sherlock, Guilty Sherlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, PTSD John, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Suspense, Virus, Sickfic, Big Brother Mycroft) – They stood face to face in the middle of a clearing. The dim light of the moon barely allowed Sherlock to see the glassy terror in John’s eyes and the sweat that glistened off his forehead. His nose was bleeding again, blood dripping in a slow stream from his right nostril. They were both gasping for air, John’s eyes locked on Sherlock’s. There was no recognition there, just wild animal fear. Time stood still for an eternal few seconds, and Sherlock took a shaky breath. “John—”Spell broken, John spun and bolted back into the woods. Still heaving for air, Sherlock took off after him.  {{HAVEN’T READ THIS FIC YET, READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION}}

[serenityssobrietyus-blog]

The beginning of my story, definitely not the ending.

In advance, let me apologize for the length of this post. For those who read all the way through, thank you. I hope you follow along with the rest of my journey, share experiences, thoughts and more. I greatly appreciate and love all of you. Here we go!

My substance abuse didn’t start at an early age as a lot of people, it crept up in my twenties like the silent disease it is. I would say the progression really started when I was twenty two-twenty three. A lot of it is a huge blur, I remember a lot of good times, but also a lot of bad times, mentally and emotionally. I remember trying to always do as much as possible to catch up on the times I missed out bring pregnant at eighteen through nineteen, then having a newborn and baby through 20. I’ll say the emotional trauma began when I was eighteen, my first relationship ended and instead of processing it in a healthy way, I gave my virginity away a week later out of spite and this really killed me. I realize now it was because I really didn’t love myself back then.

Shortly after this time period, I met the father of my daughter. There was a lot of drama that followed after, from exes, negative opinions, rumors and allegations of cheating, and an unexpected pregnancy very early in the relationship. During my pregnancy, one of my best friends passed away and this hit very hard. I got to go to the funeral luckily, but I had to miss out on the vigil because I knew it would be too hard on me and my unborn baby. I was already under overwhelming stress and emotional baggage. Not shortly after there was the allegation of cheating and proof, I was a pregnant torn up mess. I have this burning memory of crying outside of Forever Twenty-One when I worked there, sitting in my car holding on to my belly just pouring out my emotions, apologizing over and over and saying no matter what I would do my best to be a great mother for her. We worked through that, then on August 16th, 2011 our beautiful girl was born. Things were great for a little while, she was beautiful and healthy and we were happy. Then my biggest fear happened; another allegation this time with overwhelming proof and a confession.

My whole world crashed around me, because of how and why. All I can say is that it really just made me feel completely unimportant and this was when really everything came crashing down. I self-medicated in the worst ways and unfortunately got myself into a terrible situation, one night there was a boy who just wouldn’t accept no as an answer. Of course, we were all drinking and that, in turn, was the reason that no one took my rape seriously. He pushed and pushed until I caved. I cried after and it still apparently was okay, and the assumption was that I was just drunk. To those who didn’t believe me, I don’t blame you and I’ve moved on. To the boy who raped me, I’ve left you behind with the old me, I’m sure karma will work its way with you and I’ll still be living free.

Unfortunately, after that time period, I’ve spent a lot of nights in extremely sketchy situations and have slept with people while under the influence and have completely regretted it. Waking up in beds that weren’t mine, sometimes hotel rooms and not remembering how I got there or who was there. I’m honestly so lucky to be safe (physically) and alive today. Then comes the biggest relationship to impact my life, negatively and positively. I’ve learned the most from this relationship especially now more so than when it was happening. My alcohol abuse impacted this relationship heavily, my girlfriend tried to help, she really did, but the truth was that I was just not ready to change and face my emotional turmoil. I was heavily self-medicating and denying it completely. This eventually ended our relationship and again, instead of me processing it in a healthy way I resorted to a night of heavy drinking my feeling away and went home with a guy friend. Next thing I know I’m pregnant, depressed, confused, lost and feeling totally alone. He wasn’t anywhere ready to be a father and I wasn’t in any position to have another child.

I ended up getting an abortion, even though that was also the last thing I wanted. My ex-girlfriend and I were trying to work on things and she wasn’t ready for a child either. At this point in my life, I was pro-life and she knew how much this meant to me. I’ll get into this story a little later in my blog, but the end results were very devastating. I attempted suicide and luckily survived, in hindsight, I’m glad everything happened the way it did and I’m here today to share my stories and hopefully will help those still suffering who can relate in any way. Unfortunately after my attempt though, my abuse of alcohol didn’t slow down one bit, it actually got worse, a lot worse.

I knew this would eventually happen that my drinking would get me into legal trouble. My drinking was getting so bad to the point of constant blackouts and emotional explosions. Getting so completely drunk that even the smallest thing would send me off the edge and completely lashing out. One night out, something so trivial as someone wanting someone else to drive made me snap for no good reason, get completely over-emotional and running away from my friends with no words and getting into my car. Boom, DUI. At that time I didn’t consider my tolerance and had no idea just how high it was, my BAC was .26 which is twice the legal limit. Which is also pretty high for a girl of my stature, especially to be as coherent as I was. This whole experience was very traumatic I did stop drinking for about a month and started feeling better; I thought I was fine. I was not fine.

I got complacent and comfortable, I thought I would be fine this time. I had just started dating this girl; this relationship I can’t say I regret, because I definitely see it as a lesson learned. At the beginning of our relationship, I wasn’t drinking, but she was, also cocaine was involved. Eventually, the temptation took over. First I started with just a drink a night, maybe just a glass of wine. Then the next thing I knew I was drinking just as much as before and now drugs were involved. Eventually, the relationship ended, but my drinking was at an all-time high. The drugs went with her too, with is a great blessing to me, because I couldn’t imagine fighting any other addiction like alcoholism with something else on top of it. I wish the drinking could have gone with her too, but life just didn’t work out that way.

Life has a funny way of working, and I really do believe everything happens for a reason. I believe all the things that have happened before have led to this very moment I’m about to share with you. All these things are what make me the person I am today, and give me the strength to continue on today. Like I stated earlier, I really hope someone, anyone, can take away from my story something to help them or even just encourage them.

Here we are, 2019, my drinking at the highest it’s ever been, I couldn’t even comprehend just how high my tolerance had gotten or just how close I was to killing myself through just drinking alone. It finally all caught up to me, all my emotional trauma I was holding onto, all the negative self-medicating through drinking. I was honestly at a point where I stopped caring. So many days day drinking, leading into the night, waking up every day hungover, drinking before work to fight off the hangover. Going into work violently sick, or intoxicated fighting through every shift just thinking of that drink I’ll have after to feel better. Spending days on a friend’s couch not getting anything done, that needed to be done. Ignoring my family and my wellbeing completely, malnourished and a complete and total mess. It finally all caught up to the day that would completely save my life.

This day, such a blessing in disguise, but extremely terrifying that I got myself here. After a night of drinking and staying out with friends, we’re onto day two of this binge; we started off with breakfast which came with mimosas of course, then turned into one bar, two bars, three bars. Completely drunk, completely just not caring. Never showed up for work, with no word at all. Drinking myself into oblivion knowing that I become suicidal and a complete mess every time. For some reason (there’s a lot of reasons, trust me, that I know now) the universe wasn’t ready for me to leave this world this lifetime. The whole night was a blur, but I remember speaking to a young black officer; the one I claim as responsible for saving my life. The ambulance lights. The white walls of the hospital room. The constant flow of tears down my face. I was in the hospital with a BAC of .49. I’m beyond lucky to be alive or not in a coma. This all accrued between September 15–17.

I luckily got sent to a detox center called Pathways, which I’m so extremely thankful for today. It really was a great experience and was a great way to kick start my sobriety journey. I did a lot of soulsearching in that building and decided I was ready to leave that toxic lifestyle behind and start dealing with my issues head-on. On September 18th I saw my BAC at .00 and decided it would stay that way. Now here I am today November 27, 2019, and I’m seventy days sober. I’ve completed and 30 day Day Treatment that helped me a lot just like Pathways did. I’m making tremendous strides to bettering my mental, emotional and physical health. Really working on my relationships that better my life and processing all of my emotions in a healthy way.

I really wanted to start this blog to help keep me driven through my sobriety and give me something to be productive with. I hope to look back on this whenever I feel weak and know that I’m extremely strong and blessed to be alive. A special thank you to those who have been following my journey thus far, some of you have been here from the very beginning and I know you’re just as stoked for me to be here too, Ashley; part of my safety net, Lauren, Alicia, Lani, and Samantha, even though some of us don’t talk daily, I feel your love and support, I love you. And to those who have been a huge impact on me today and keep me strong, you’re my best friends and I couldn’t do this without you, Cody; part of my safety net, Sara, Burl and Simon, I’m so extremely thankful for all your love and support.

I really thank all of you for reading this too and those silent followers. If you take anything from this and would like to share, I’d love to hear from you. Well, I finally got this blog started, let’s see how this goes! Love you guys!

[ragingsquishy]

A Bridge to You (pt. 1)

Pairing: Reader x Changkyun (Monsta X)

Word Count: 3.7k 

Genre/Warnings: angst, future smut (I’ve already planned it to be in pt. 3), some fluff maybe??

Description: You, a resident of East Park, never ventured into your town’s sketchy counterpart, Maple Lake. But one day you meet a handsome, helpful yet sharp-mouthed man from Maple Lake and are drawn to him. Can you ever connect with him and get through his rough layers? 

The lounge-bar must not have been a very popular place; there were hardly any people here at 1am on a Saturday night. You sat there alone at the bar as you lazily twirled your vodka-cranberry drink around, a sigh escaping your nose quietly. Doing nothing at a dank, swanky bar with an alcoholic drink as your companion on a Saturday night. This wasn’t really how you wanted to spend your weekend.

“(Y/N)!” You turned yourself around in the wooden stool to see your two friends in a booth behind you, their drunk boyfriends clinging on to them. “Come take some shots with us! Why are you sitting over there?”

You shook your head with an amused smile at her words starting to slur. Judging by the amount of empty shots on the table, they were probably on their fourth or fifth rounds of shots. While you appreciated them taking you out as a post-breakup outing to help cheer you up, it was doing the opposite of helping. You just felt more lonely seeing them in their happy relationships while the heaviness of your recent breakup weighed down on you heavily.

“Thanks you guys but I think I’m all set.” You grabbed your glass and tipped your head back, downing the last of your drink before standing up and straightening out your black dress. “I’m going to go out for some fresh air.”

“Okay, but be careful, (Y/N),” your other friend said worriedly, her smile quickly being wiped from her drunken face. She was justified in feeling worried for you. The lounge-bar the group chose was on the other side of town – Maple Lake: an area that was well-known for being a sketchy and dangerous area. But it was also known for being the place to be on weekends with “bumping clubs and bars.” Obviously you had yet to see this side of town live up to its infamy though. As you had just started working at a new job in East Park, you didn’t have the time to go on adventures exploring notorious places. 

“I promise I’ll be okay. I’ll just be right outside the door!” You chirped with a bright smile, trying to ease your friend’s worry. Without waiting for a response, you walked toward the entrance quickly and slipped out the door.

It was brisk outside for a fall night and the chill felt nice in contrast to the warm drink that was settled in your stomach. Letting out a huff, you felt the tension ease from your shoulders and you looked up at the sky. It was a beautiful navy hue and littered with stars, the moon nowhere to be seen.

The last time you star-gazed was with your ex, Minhyuk. On your birthday last year, you spent the summer night with him at a park. He had prepared a picnic dinner for you and wrapped up the beautiful late evening by cuddling together in a shawl. Clinking glasses of wine together, you guys shared laughs and had a memorable time as you both had watched the stars and moon. Your eyes got teary as you remembered that time, feeling heartbroken and angry all over again from reliving the memories. Stupid idiot had to cheat on me.

Blinking twice, you looked around. Where were you? Without realizing it, you had absentmindedly strayed away from your friends while reminiscing. Oh, shit. Panic slowly started to build up in you. The middle of a Saturday night on this side of the town was the last place you wanted to be. Forcing yourself to take a few deep breaths, you talked to yourself to calm down.

“It’s okay, (Y/N). There’s no need to panic. You shouldn’t be that far away from the bar. You can easily find your way back. And even so, this area probably isn’t as bad as everyone says.” You whispered to yourself for encouragement as you wildly looked around, utterly lost.

Cursing to yourself, you just decided to call your friends. It’s worth getting a scolding from them rather than making the situation worse for myself. You were about to hit the call button, but a voice interrupted you.

“Hey there, sugar. Lost?” You snapped your head up to see a tall man walking over to you in long strides. The streetlight above you was flickering and you couldn’t see him that well in the dark, causing the ominous setting to freak you out even more heart started to race.

“Um,” You weren’t sure how to respond. Feign assurance? Admit you were lost? Before you could respond or make a decision, the man grabbed your waist and pulled you in right up against his body.

“Hey!” You shouted in shock, the sudden jerk causing you to drop your phone. The man had a firm grip on your back and held you tight against him, the stench of cigarettes and alcohol emanating from his body. “Let me go!” You beat on his chest in an attempt to free yourself but he only chuckled in response, his foul breath washing over you and making you gag.

“Why? Where you gotta go, sweetheart? Let’s have some fun,” the man said in a gruff voice as he felt you up and grabbed the shoulder straps of your dress. You felt tears well up from fear and your blood drained at the realization of what was happening. Your actions were useless, but panic made you writhe and struggle more. In a last desperate attempt, you raised your foot and slammed your high-heel down blindly.

X marks the spot. The man yelped from pain and surprise and his grip on you loosened. Not wasting any time, you pushed back against the man as hard as you can and ran away, but your dress tore at the shoulder in the heat of the moment from the man still holding onto it.

“Fucking hell!” the man cursed as he stumbled backward into the building wall. You didn’t look back as you sprinted down the street, tears flowing down your face and fear still driving you to run without stopping. How much time passed with you running wasn’t clear to your muddled mind, but you suddenly came to a halt when you crashed into someone and fell back on your ass.

“Watch where you’re going,” a voice said sternly. Terrified of who was standing in front of you this time, you slowly peeked upward to see another man standing there. Under the lights of the store next to you, you could see him clearly. He had on a black hoodie with a black snapback underneath the hood which pushed his dark bangs down to cover his eyebrows. But even with his eyebrows covered, you could see his brows were furrowed together in annoyance, but they soon relaxed with realization when he saw your messy self: torn dress, makeup smudged and tears streaming down your face uncontrollably.

“I-I’m sorry,” you managed to stutter as you brought up a hand instinctively to your torn strap. Is he also going to attack me? What’s going to happen?

“Wonder where that stupid bitch went.” Your ears picked up the sinister voice from earlier and you thought your heart stopped. The man in front of you, seeing you freeze suddenly, glanced up toward where the voice was coming from and then swiftly bent down and grabbed your arm, picking you up harshly from the sidewalk.

You couldn’t let out a sound as you followed the man’s actions like a robot. He pulled you by the arm roughly into the store next to you and gently pushed you in with him following you. Looking around, you noticed it was a convenience store and all the way to your right was a clerk behind the counter who was staring at you with wide eyes. You could only imagine how you looked right now.

“May I help you?” the older clerk said hesitatingly, glancing between me and the stranger. The man behind you nudged you toward the clerk and you obliged, stumbling in your high heels as you approached the counter.

“I just bumped into her outside right now. Looks like some guy was harassing her,” the man you were with spoke up, leaning against the counter next to you while twisting his head around to look out the window.

“Seems more than harassment to me, Changkyun,” the older man said seriously, giving you a once over before speaking to you in a gentler voice. “Would you like some tea?”

Still shaken, you shook your head, breathing hard from the adrenaline rush. The man, supposedly Changkyun, noticed you trembling still and he took off his black hoodie and offered it to you.

“Can you put this on?” he asked, his caring gesture not matching his cold voice and deadpan face. You nodded and reached out with a shaky hand. Instead of handing the sweater over, Changkyun asked you to stick out both of your arms, which you did without question. Slipping the sleeves onto your arms, Changkyun put the hoodie on for you as his large hands delicately pulled the hoodie over your head and tugged it all the way down past your waists. Feeling awkward suddenly at the handsome figure before you, you immediately felt better with the hoodie on.

The large hoodie was warm and had a comforting scent of faint cologne. Letting the long sleeves cover your hands freely, you wrapped your arms around you and managed to croak a thanks.

“My name is Hodong. What happened? Where do you live? Is there anyone we can reach out to?” Hodong asked, leaning on the counter with concern.

“I’m (Y/N), and I’m from East Park. I came here with my friends, and a man attacked me when I stepped away from them. Then I just ran and bumped into you.” You looked over and pointed at Changkyun. He was studying you intensely and it made you shy away from his gaze as you swallowed nervously. He just saved you but he made your heart flutter a bit too.

“Ah, East Park? That’s a long walk from here,” Hodong commented, scrunching his face as he thought about what to do. “Do you have your phone?” You shook your head, just remembering now that you dropped it earlier.

“Here,” Changkyun dug into his pocket and gave you his phone. “If you know your friend’s number, call them and let them know what happened.” You nodded as you gently took his phone from his warm hand and dialed your friend’s number, touched that this man was so gracious and kind toward you.

“They’re not picking up,” you stated as it went to voicemail after a few rings.

“Some friends,” Changkyun scoffed as he leaned against the counter and looked around. “Not surprised though since you all are from East Park.” You looked up at him and gave him a hard look.

“It’s Saturday night and they’re out drinking. I think they’re just too wasted.” Changkyun merely looked at you and shrugged carelessly before looking away. You had quickly changed your mind about him. He was kind of judgmental ass. Just a judgmental ass with some manners.

“Changkyun, you live right upstairs. Let her stay at your place for tonight. It’s way too late for her to go back all the way to East Park. By the way, his name is Changkyun.” Hodong tapped Changkyun’s shoulder a few times as he said it, causing the expressionless man to look over at Hodong painfully. He looked like he was about to protest, but glanced over at your poor state again and thought better than to say no.

“Alright,” Changkyun cleared his throat and stood up straight. “You better use my phone to text your friends about where you’re staying. I don’t want cops to suddenly show up tomorrow and cause unnecessary trouble.” You ignored his curt statement and was just relieved that you had a place to stay for the night.

“Hey, it’s (Y/N). I lost my phone, but I’m okay. I’m spending the night at someone’s place so you guys go home, I’ll see you all tomorrow.”

“Okay, it’s late now. You guys go and get some sleep, I’m going to close up soon too anyway,” Hodong shooed us both out toward the door and Changkyun led the way without looking back, hands in his pockets.

You nodded a quiet thank you to the kind clerk and rushed after Changkyun, his long legs moving faster than yours.

Changkyun lived on the third floor of the building and, as he unlocked his door and pushed it open, you were surprised to see a neat apartment. Everything was pretty minimal. The door opened to a small area that split off into two. On the right side was the living room with just one couch, a small coffee table, a tv and an unused fan off in the corner. The left side was a dark kitchen area that clearly showed it was hardly ever used.

“Make yourself comfortable on the couch. I’ll be right back.” Changkyun pointed at the dark blue couch as he walked past the living room and into another room. You guessed it was his bedroom. As soon as you sat down on the couch, he reappeared with a stack of clothes.

“You’ll probably be more comfortable in these.” Changkyun held out the folded clothes for you and you took them gratefully.

“Thank y-”

“Bathroom is over there,” Changkyun interrupted you as he pointed over his shoulder at another door. You pursed your lips and nodded this time in acknowledgement. For a handsome and aware guy, he sure stung you somehow.

After changing, you felt even more at ease this time being out of that tight dress and high heels. In contrast to your weekend outfit, Changkyun had given you a black shirt and some sweat pants that you had to roll up because they were so long. You looked homely, but at least these loose clothes let you breathe properly.

“Your friend texted back,” Changkyun said, not looking up at you entering the living room as he flipped through the tv channels lazily. “She said no problem and that she’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Oh, okay, thank you.” Feeling awkward, you sat down next to Changkyun on the couch. He was leaning forward and intensely looking at the tv, seemingly not taking notice that you were sitting next to him.

“Did you just move in or?” you asked after clearing your throat slightly. The silence was a bit too much for you to handle with this guy. 

“No, I just don’t have a lot of stuff. Some of this stuff isn’t even mine either, like this coffee table,” Changkyun responded, knocking his knuckle on the small, black, wooden table in front of him. “Hodong is also the landlord of this apartment, and he offered me some of the stuff when I moved in.”

“Really? Why, were you homeless or something before?” 

“Nothing of the sort,” Changkyun finally smiled a bit at your teasing. 

“Then...?” you prompted, looking at the side of his body with raised eyebrows.

“I had my reasons,” Changkyun said bluntly and you looked down at your hands, knowing better than to probe this clamshell of a person. So much for trying to have a conversation.

“It’s pretty late, you really want to watch something now?” You dared yourself to say after a few moments when you noticed it was nearing 2:30am.

“I usually can’t sleep unless there’s some background noise,” Changkyun said plainly, reaching forward and taking a sip of a coke can he had brought from the fridge.

“Oh, but I’ll be sleeping here?” You replied in slight confusion. Changkyun waved a hand toward you, silencing your to-be protests.

“You’ll sleep in my bed,” Changkyun stated, and something about the way he said it made you shiver. Alone? You mentally shook that thought away. What is wrong with you?

“Okay, if you insist. But I really don’t mind-” Changkyun finally turned his head to look at you and you flinched at how close his face was to yours. His half-closed eyes bore into yours as he stared at you for a few seconds. You felt your heart leap up to your throat from nervousness.

“It’s okay.” Changkyun’s voice was surprisingly soft this time despite his hard face expression. “Just sleep in my bed.” You almost missed it, but Changkyun glanced down at your lips briefly for a fraction of a second before looking back at the tv again. Did I just imagine that? You nodded meekly in response even though he couldn’t see you and then stood up.

“Then, if it’s alright with you I’m going to go sleep now.”

“Sure, let me know if there’s anything you need.”

“I will, goodnight.” Changkyun didn’t respond as he settled on a tv channel and made himself comfortable on the couch as you quietly left the living room.

Changkyun’s room was just as simple as the rest of the apartment. There was a bed in the middle with a drawer across from it and a small armchair by the window. Did he just move in or what? You were unimpressed with the lack of decoration and furniture as you crawled into his bed after turning the lights off, wrapping his gray blanket securely around you.

Waiting for sleep to come was harder than you thought. You had felt at ease before, but now being alone in the dark brought back some of the fear and anxiety from earlier. Unable to stop yourself, you thought about Minhyuk and how comforting and safe it would feel if he were there to hold you and cradle you while you slept.

No, what are you thinking? That cheater? You shook your head slightly and forced your eyes closed as you curled up more in the blankets. Maybe... your mind wandered over to Changkyun instead. The mysterious, handsome stranger who graciously offered you his place for the night. You wondered what it would be like to have his arms around you - protecting you and holding you securely in this big, empty bed. The up-close view of his sleepy eyes from earlier popped up in your mind again, making your heart beat a little harder. Stop it, (Y/N).

Two hours like that went by as you struggled to find ways to fall asleep, but finally you couldn’t take it anymore. Needing some water, you slipped out of Changkyun’s bed and tip-toed your way into his kitchen. It looks like he had turned off the tv at some point because the tv was black and the apartment was dead silent. Where are his cups? Not wanting to disturb Changkyun, you decided to quietly open his pantries and feel around blindly for cups.

“(Y/N)?” a croaky voice called out. You winced and stopped what you were doing.

“Y-yeah?” you whispered in response regretfully.

“What’re you doing?”

“I was just hoping to get some water.”

“I told you to let me know if you needed anything,” Changkyun’s deep voice sounded from the dark and you heard him getting up from the couch with a grunt. You didn’t respond as his light footsteps got closer to you and he turned on the kitchen light.

Blinded by the sudden light, you shut your eyes closed and blinked slowly, trying to get adjusted to it. In front of you was a shirtless Changkyun who was also scrunching his face up and attempting to get used to the bright light. Embarrassed by the sight of his well-toned body, you turned your face away and stared at the floor.

“Yeah, I didn’t know where your cups were but I didn’t want to bother you so I kind of just was feeling around for it,” you started to ramble awkwardly, feeling your neck flush with embarrassment. Thoughts from earlier entered your mind again and you silently cursed at yourself for deciding to get water now. The image of his half-naked body will most certainly be engraved in your mind.

“Don’t worry about it,” Changkyun mumbled, seemingly not noticing your flushed reaction. He stood next to you and reached up in front of him. Too close. You licked your lips subtly at the smell of his cologne wafting toward you. The feeling of wanting to hold someone tonight grew stronger and it took every last fiber in you not to make some lewd offer to this stranger.

“Here you go,” Changkyun filled the cup with water and handed it to you. “Can you sleep?” You drank the water and felt the cold liquid snake its way down your body. After downing it all eagerly, you wiped your mouth and shook your head at his question.

“That’s understandable,” Changkyun muttered, taking the empty cup from you. “Do you want to watch tv with me for a while until you feel sleepy?”

“Yeah, that would be helpful actually,” you replied with a quick nod, surprised that he would offer such a thing to you. Changkyun nodded along with you and beckoned for you to follow him after flipping the kitchen light off.

Plopping down on the couch, Changkyun left some space for you and you sat down next to him, feeling slightly awkward as he turned the tv back on. He was watching some reality tv show and a few minutes of awkward silence went by again. But before you knew it, he had knocked out. Changkyun scared you as his head slid onto your shoulder, making you jolt slightly from surprise. You pressed your lips into a thin line, unsure of how to feel about this.

You peeked over at the guy next to you and couldn’t help but take in the sight of his body. The lights from the tv danced across his subtle muscles and strong-looking arms, making him seem dreamy to you. Until you remembered his sharp mouth and cold attitude. You rolled your eyes at the thoughts you were having and the situation you were in right now. Well, at least it was better than being alone tonight.

Hoping not to wake him up, you carefully leaned your head against Changkyun’s and let out a small sigh of contentment. It wasn’t ideal, but this was comforting in its own way too.

[pessimisticpleasure]

The Walking Dead - A Few Thoughts On Rick Grimes

I’d like to start this opinion piece by stressing the word OPINION, giving you a spoiler warning for episodes up to and including ‘Still Gotta Mean Something’, and asking you to bear in mind that I love the character of Rick and that I’m writing this out of genuine confusion and sadness about the direction of his character recently.

Contrary to most fans, I’ve quite enjoyed the latest season of the Walking Dead, or parts of it at least (I mean, compared to last season we can’t really complain). There’s been some stand-out episodes and action but the one thing that is bothering me at the moment is some of the character choices that the writers are making. This includes the total sidelining and lack of development for Daryl, killing off Carl right when his character was finally flourishing and, the basis for this post, the hugely questionable actions of Rick which are never addressed in the show.

The first time I felt genuinely uncomfortable with the actions of the main group was back in season six when they killed the Saviours while they slept. At the time I questioned the actions of the so called ‘good’ group because that seemed like a very not good thing to do because, well, it isn’t, but I reminded myself that within the confines of the world they live in which is to be fair, ruthless and cutthroat that maybe it could be reasoned away.

And just as I tried to mentally justify that I have tried to condone Rick’s actions because up until recently I adored his character but towards the end of last season and this whole season  I’ve been really uncomfortable with the ‘good guy’ killing people who really don’t need to be killed. As Rick said himself ‘only one person has to die’ (and then, you know, killed like four people in the next scene). I have so little faith in him now that when he found the baby at the saviour base I was honestly surprised that he didn’t kill it. I think the expectation in any media is that the ‘good’ side kills as few people as possible outside of a designated ‘battle scene’, and perhaps if it was more cleverly written I might commend the show for turning that expectation on its head but the issue is that it isn’t and with Rick especially it seemed without much cause that this was his policy one minute and then suddenly, it wasn’t.

When Carl died I really thought that would be Rick’s turning point for him to think ‘yes, I have been a bit trigger happy of late, let’s maybe only kill people if we have to’. Instead they had Rick lie to Carl as he was dying and carry on the way he was and maybe you could argue grief if he hadn’t been doing that way before Carl died. Weirdly, instead of using his death to re-humanise Rick the writers seem to have put Negan on that path and while I’m enjoying seeing his human side (because he was starting to wear really thin on me) it feels so backwards.

Please don’t misunderstand me - I understand that Negan is bad, I am well aware he is extremely flawed. However viewing it objectively, he is actually better than Rick AT THE MOMENT (because Negan has definitely been evil forever whereas Rick’s fundamental character was not always like this).  It really bothers me that I’m meant to root against a character who actively attempts to kill as few people as possible while supporting Rick and his never ending murder spree of anyone who’s ever seen Negan. One key difference I will admit is that Negan seems to enjoy killing people whereas for Rick it is a genuine means to an end but for me that’s not enough of a distinction to condemn one while supporting the other, the intention is irrelevant when the action and the consequence are the same.

The thing is, I’m never sure if we’re supposed to question this sketchy element of Rick’s character because so few fans actually do. To have him allied with Morgan in his actions last night feels significant because Morgan is a character who is going crazy and having a crisis of conscience, so surely having Rick on the same killing spree is meant to force fans to second guess him? The latest episode is also called ‘Still Gotta Mean Something’ which to me implies that morality and honesty still have their place in the world despite Rick’s actions to the contrary. It also seemed significant that Rick’s most questionable action to date occurred in an episode with Negan at his most vulnerable and human. And yet many fans don’t even blink at what Rick does and I think a large part of that is that the writers are scared to call Rick out on committing horrible acts even when we see them play out on screen in case of fan backlash because, while people usually have other favourites, Rick has always been likeable and a good, sturdy protagonist and flipping this is a risk. They don’t even go so far as to have other characters question him on screen, not even Carl while he was there as the moral compass truly did. They’ve also kind of backed themselves into a corner because without a big event having him flip back seems nonsensical, really using Carl's death would have been perfect.

I see all the time arguments between Rick and Negan fans where the Rick fans defend him by saying ‘well, he’s good’. But I can’t buy that for a lot longer, no he’s not as bad as Negan but that doesn’t make him good, and without starting to back up that claim with evidence the writers are going to have an uphill battle because while some diehards will defend any of his actions to the death, I imagine that more people will begin to question where we draw the line between good and bad because it’s becoming more and more like the only difference is we haven’t spent the last 8 years watching the Saviours and we care about the characters we know rather than the good and bad being separated by different actions, goals, and values like they should be.

I understand that for a lot of people the primary draw of The Walking Dead is the action and having a protagonist who fuels this is what drives the show but from early on, this show set itself apart with the fantastic and rich characters who were a part of this action but also principled and well-developed. Rick was always someone who partook only in what violence had to occur, defending the prison, fighting his way out of Terminus, biting a guys neck out to save his son (I still sometimes fondly remember how badass that scene was) while also seeming to have a moral element - he fought Shane in season two when he displayed the same tendencies towards uninhibited violence that Rick has far surpassed now, kicked Carol out when she murdered their people even though she felt she was justified, and importantly believed in people enough to take them into the group even when they might be a danger, distinguishing himself from past villains he was pitted against.

I’m sad to say that the Rick I loved might be gone - either the writers have really lost their way or this long, confusing path is leading somewhere I don’t want to go. A one-eighty turn seems unlikely at this point but I’ve still got my fingers crossed - c’mon Rick, your son begged you on his deathbed to be how you used to! When they say ‘we’re taking the show back to season 4/5′ they better mean that literally, like everything that happened since was a dream and all the characters get a reset because my heart cannot take this any more.

[tournesoldansunjardin]

(C) Clr’18. Inspired by the jazz playing in the cafe

Dear Emma, May 30th Vancouver day trip

I decided to go into Vancouver since it was the only place I could purchased the CBD cream for my knee. Well, what I am saying? If CBD is good for aches and pains, my goodness it should do wonders for all my aches due to Fibromyalgia. I will just get it and slather it all over the sore areas…which are plenty.

My host was kind enough to drive me to the bus stop, which saved me a good 30 minutes. I had loaded extra $ on my Compass card, so was not too worried of transfers and getting to the Waterfront in Vancouver. What I had not anticipated was the bus did NOT drive into the city as a few locals had told me last night. The bus stopped at Bridgeport SkyTrain station and I saw everyone get off. I walked up to the front and asked the driver if this was the end of the line…yuppers!

I remembered Waterfront line since it is close to our Vancouver office and chose that line to get in town.

I had the address of the Cannabis Lounge where I was hoping to get my cream. In BC you don’t need a prescription to get it but in Montreal we do. I have my request put in for that when I get back from vacation but I wanted to try it now since my knees were so painful as well as neck and shoulders, so what had I to lose? My intention was to buy it, try it and then mail it to me in Quebec because there was no way I was flying with that or going through customs with it. There is barely any THC in it and it does not affect the brain/mood but it is supposed to be healing and soothing for inflammation…so they say!

(C)Clr’18 Vancouver, GasTown, Hastings Street

I got in town and started walking in circles…yes, that is me. I look at Google Map on my phone and argue with it thinking I know better well, that means I go in circles and get so fed up, I give in to Google and voilà I found the place

  I was a bit apprehensive since it is on Hastings Street and there is a section that is quite sketchy but this place was not that far East…phew! As I walked in, there were three clerks at the centre of the shop on a raised platform surrounded by a counter. There were so many smoking paraphernalia and most I have never seen…well, maybe in a movie! As I walked in, one clerk was lighting up a joint and then gave it to his colleague and calmly [they sure ARE calm!] asked if he could help me.

I started, “I come from very far…” and explained that I heard the MJ Pain cream was very good for joint pain. One of the clerks said he uses it regularly on his wrist and it works…I doubt it was just the cream…[wink wink]

The small jar was $45 and the larger one $100…so I took the small one. I left and looked around for a comfortable café where I could put the cream on my knees, neck and shoulder and sit and relax with an Americano and wait for the magic. I found a Starbucks on an nice corner with a terrace, so I stood in line for the washroom first. After a good fifteen minutes, I entered and put the cream on, and placed the jar on the toilet paper shelf. As I put it there, I told myself, “I had better not forget it now!.” Why the hell did I not put it in my bag straight away? I wanted to wash my hands first.

I ordered my double shot Americano and sat comfortably in an armchair and relaxed…I felt a tingling in my neck but still pain. My knees had not budged…I mean the pain did not subside even a little. My shoulders were the same but my upper arm seemed painless. Hmmm, well, maybe I need to slather this on a few times before seeing any difference.

After an hour of reading and writing on my iPad, I messaged a colleague who now works in the Vancouver office and asked if I could take her out for dinner on her hour break later. I am so glad I did. She brought me to this funky bar called The Taco Shop actually just across the street from The Cannabis Lounge…another coincidence?  I was thrilled hearing the jazz music as I walked In.   I was so delighted. Of course I ordered seafood burritos with guacamole and chips to start. My friend chose the local beer for me as she had a good idea on what I preferred. It was great!!

We could only eat half so we doggy bagged the rest (which I will be eating as my bedtime snack tonight) and I went to join her at the office. I wanted to show her my jar of magic potion. I looked in every section of my backpack…then she looked for me and then an image flashed before my eyes ‘Brown jar marked MJ Cream’ on the shelf above the toilet paper’. I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand out of sheer frustration! Darn!!! I forgot it there.

Then I remember the woman going into the washroom after me, I warned her that there was no more toilet paper (for which I was pleased I had carried Wet ones in my bag). I saw her later and she looked at me weird…NOW, I know why. She was probably waiting for me to ask the clerk if anyone had found a jar of cream. But I had not realized it at that time. Well, my coffee ended up costing me $55.00 (including Americano and a danish).

I was kicking shelf but then I finally let it go and figured if anyone who more pain and fell upon it, then I’m happy someone can benefit it. I know I will not order it online, having tried it, I need something stronger which I noticed they have another blend for arthritic pain. In any event, I shall discuss it with my rheumatologist before I try that again, since I am sure he has referred many of his patients to alternative pain relievers.

Walking back home away from home slowly and stopping often to take in the v

Getting back home on the sky train was fine (I double checked with a local to make sure I was taking the correct line since it was getting late and late transit is not so great outside of the city). I got at the bus stop at 10:30pm and looked on my app Transit to check the stops to make sure I got the right transfer. When I got at the stop at 11:15pm, there was no one waiting for a bus, so I asked another local and the lady was going to call the transit company not trusting my phone app. Just then the 321 transfer bus arrived, so we checked and the driver said this was the right line. The bus was a fifteen minute ride and the driver told me to just keep walking straight ahead and the road will become the street I needed to get to. WELL HE WAS WRONG!!!!

(c) Clr’18 When I crossed this overpass, I knew I was lost!

I walked onto a highway crossing and realized I could not be going in the right direction. Thank goodness the moon was so full and bright but boy was I getting frustrated, tired and after 30 minutes of turning in circles, I was getting scared. I did not meet ONE person on the streets where I was walking. This is so different than back home. My phone was losing juice quickly at 7% and often it closes down at 5%…I didn’t want to call the host of my AirBnB as I knew she turns in early (compared to me) and I wished for once that Uber existed in B C. If I would call them (like I did once in a similar situation when it got too dark in San Diego to retrace my steps) I called Lyft (similar to Uber) and they catch us on their GPS and pick us up straight away. I have to say we should have that service at least outside of major cities where transit is scarce. I could not have called a taxi, since they don’t have the GPS system Uber has. My last resort if I could no longer find the house was to call the police.

There was 1% left on my phone and it stayed on by pure miracle …yes, I said a few prayers too! And I finally got home at 12:30. I had walked 12km that day but 5km just getting home since it was supposed to be 2km!

Oh well, at least it gave me something to write to you about, Emma. Right? I took a nice hot shower when I got it to soothe every aching muscle and slept like a baby.

May 31st,

Today I woke up at 8 am but my body wouldn’t budge. I picked up my phone and finished reading an e-book, then I snoozed a bit off and on and did not get out of bed until noon. It took me a while to get moving but I took my time. And now here I am at a café

  (c) Clr’18 White Coffee and Ice Cream

  I started with a cappuccino and called my uncle in Ontario to wish him happy 90th birthday and then treated myself to a double scoop (did not realize they were so BIG) of rainbow chocolate…YUM!!

I sat inside to savour the ice cream and the music turned to Jazz which seemed to attract my muse and voilà, I just finished another post!

It is such a treat to by typing my post in front of the ocean…time to leave and sit on the shore now…one last time. Then walk the 4km back.

I picked up s few souvenirs at Whitby’, a place recommended by a grienf who used to live here in White Rock  I wanted so much there but the owner said I could order online too.

I sat on the beach taking in all I could , meditating and trying to be st one with my surroundings.  After half an hour I decided to walk back home slowly hopefully my to find a spot tovrst closer to my lodgings.

Unfortunately, I did not find a restaurant or fish and chip place open after nine. Boy!!! it’s a bit like Toronto was like in the early 1990’s. Ih well I guess ti each its own.

There were some other places further away from my lodgings, so I thought about the half seafood burrito I saved from last night.  Phew!  I also brought some good aged cheddar from Montreal. I am all set for my last night in BC.

Unpredictable Whimsical and enchanting Like Mother Nature

Unpredictable The weather In Canada

Whimsical and enchanting Getting to know A new lover

Like Mother Nature Humans influenced by the moon And the stars

(C)Tournesol’18-05-31

Daily Moments – unpredictability- May 31-18 (troibun)

Dear Emma -III – May 30-31 Vancouver (GasTown) (C) Clr’18. Inspired by the jazz playing in the cafe Dear Emma, May 30th Vancouver day trip…