#my parents leave the house and take every ounce of my self control with them.

[pilmyeol]

good news everyone! i have used all my spoons for the foreseeable future on dancing. again.

[jeonsjiddies]

Not Afraid | jjk (m)

Summary - Jungkook helps you change your flat tire, and teaches you how to let go.

Word Count -  3816

Pairing - Jungkook x reader

Genre - smut

Warnings -  dom!jungkook, fingering, bondage, breast play, oral (f recieving), dirty talk, rough sex

a/n: another re-write from a previous fandom. :)

Driving home from university on a hot Tuesday afternoon, you sang along to the radio at the top of your lungs.You sped down the highway (still following the speed limit- for the most part. Didn’t most cops give a 5mph grace?) when your car started shaking and swerving. You put your flashers on and pulled over underneath an overpass bridge. You got out and realized you had a flat tire. 

“Crap,” you mumbled, pulling out your spare from the back and staring at it.

You didn’t know how to change a tire. You groaned, kicking the stone wall in frustration. You heard a hissing noise from behind some chipped off stones, and out jumped a snake. You screamed, fumbling away from it. Suddenly, a tall man in a black leather jacket appeared. He fearlessly grabbed the snake by the head so it couldn’t bite him, and walked it over to a grassy area, tossing it free.

“Are you oka-” he began when you threw yourself at him, hugging him. 

Your hands then pressed against his chest. 

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you,” you rushed out.

Being pressed against him felt so good. Your hands slid down his chiseled abdomen slowly, mesmerized. You jumped back to reality, your gaze flickering up to his face, startled. You stood there, frozen, gazes locked together, your hands splayed across the top of his jeans. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry,” you squeaked, cheeks heating up as you stumbled away from him and his amused expression. 

“Oh, don’t mind me. I was enjoying the show,” he smirked. 

You almost died right then and there. From this new angle, you saw his deliciously tanned skin, deep brown eyes and razor sharp jawline, but soft, round features. He was gorgeous, erotic, he was…

“Jungkook?” you gasped, recognizing the boy from school. 

“Hey, Y/N.” he grinned.

“Oh my gosh, hi!” you smiled. “What are you doing here?” 

“I saw you were having car trouble and I stopped to make sure you were okay.”  

You and Jungkook weren’t exactly friends, but you were one of the few people  who didn’t treat him like trash, so you were friendly in classes and the hallways.

“I got a flat tire. I have a spare but I don’t know how to change it.” you sighed.

“I can help you with that. Do you have a jack?”  

“Uh…” you looked in the back and shook your head.

“I do, at my place. Come on,” he motioned to his bike. 

He handed you a helmet and you climbed onto the seat behind him, clutching his torso for dear life. Jungkook’s  body felt so good to touch, it made you hold on a little tighter than necessary. He wasn’t even going that fast. He rode down the highway, turning into his apartment complex. You hopped of the bike, your whole body still vibrating from the purr of the engine. 

“Whoa,” you swayed.

“First time?”  

You nodded.

“I’m honored to have been your first ride,” he smirked, making you blush at the implied meaning.

That bike wasn’t the only thing you wanted to ride…  He grabbed the jack from inside, while you looked around.

“Got it,” he said, suddenly standing behind you, his body head radiating onto your back, breath fanning against your ear. 

You visibly shivered, causing him to chuckle.

“Let’s go, princess.”  

You climbed back on the bike, more aware of his body between your legs than before. He rode back to your car and jacked it up, using the tools he’d brought he took off the old tire and put on the new one. He eased your car back to the ground.

“Good as new,” he beamed, “I’ll follow you home just to be sure that it’s all safe.”

“Thank you, Jungkook. You’re amazing,” you gushed.

He blushed and nodded, crawling back onto his bike and following you to your house. He got off the bike and walked up to you.

“Check your tire pressure in a couple days but other than that it seemed to drive fine.”  

“Okay. Do you want a drink or something?” you gestured to your house. “You really saved me today and I just want to repay you.”

“Sure,“ he smiled.

You led him inside, giving him some iced tea.

“Hungry?” you offered him a plate of cookies your mom had left out when she’d gone to night shift. 

“Thanks,” he smiled, taking one and biting in. 

He closed his eyes and let out a low moan that melted your insides. You pressed your thighs together.

“This cookie is orgasmic.” Jungkook told you, and you just giggled nervously.

“Oh, I forgot to give you the grand tour,” you grabbed his hand, pulling him towards the kitchen. 

You let go as soon as you realized what you’d done and showed him the downstairs before heading up the stairs.

“Last but not least, where I sleep,” you said, sitting on the bed.

“Nice.”  

“You’re the first guy that’s been up here,” you admitted.

“Oh, another honor of being your first,” he winked.

You covered your face, laughing.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” 

“But didn’t you, Y/N?” the corner of his lip tugged upwards as he stalked towards you, almost like a predator closing in on its’ prey.

Your throat went dry as he placed his hand on your knee, leaning closer.

“Y/N?” your mom called up the stairs, “honey whose motorcycle is outside?”

Jungkook froze, your eyes popped open wide.

“She’s supposed to be at work.”  

“I’m not supposed to be here, am I?” 

You shook your head.

“Shit,” he mumbled, glancing at the window.  

“Don’t go. I have a plan. Come on.” 

You led him downstairs and stopped in front of your mom.

“Y/N, what-” she stopped and stared at Jungkook,  “Who are you? Why is he here? What were you doing up there?” she accused.

“Jungkook helped me change my flat tire and I didn’t have any cash on me but I wanted to repay him so he followed me here so I could get into my savings jar.” 

Jungkook nodded, furthering your story by pulling out a stack of one dollar bills from his pocket.

“Oh, well thank you… Jungkook…” your mom smiled wearily.

“It’s really no problem, Mrs. Y/L/N.”  

“Would you like to stay for dinner? As a thank you? I got off work early and I was going to make steak,” she offered.

“I’d like that,” Jungkook smiled. “At home it’d be me and a frozen dinner.”

“A growing boy needs a home cooked meal,” she clapped, “if you go back into your room, leave the door open Y/N.”

Your whole face felt hot  and you just nodded, dragging Jungkook up the stairs.

“I’m so sorry,” you groaned.

“Don’t be, she’s sweet.”  

“If you say so,” you mumbled.

You and Jungkook hung out in your room, talking and laughing and getting to know each other better. He told you how he became interested in tattoos, even learning how to tattoo someone himself, though he hadn’t had time to do it professionally with school. Tou told him that you’d never done anything half as exciting as that. The both of you kept moving closer unconsciously, until you were sitting cross legged on your bed, knees touching. You bit your bottom lip nervously. Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut.

“Y/N, it’s taking every bit of self control I’ve got not to attack you right now, please don’t make this any harder than it already is,” he groaned.

“Attack me?” you asked.

Jungkook lowered his voice, giving you a dangerous look. 

“You don’t even know what you’re doing to me, do you? From the moment you touched me at the bridge, I’ve wanted you. Even before that. You’re so kind to me, so pure and sweet. But I see the way you look at me. The way you want me. Then you bring me to your bed and you tease me, but I can’t have you. Your mom is downstairs. If she weren’t here right now, I’d have you screaming my name, begging me for more, I’d fuck you so good you’d be limping for days,” he growled, voice barely audible.

You sucked in a breath, using every ounce of willpower you possessed not to jump on him.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you babygirl?” he purred. “You want my hands all over you, my tongue-”

“Y/N! Jungkook! Dinner,” your mom called.

Your face was hot from Jungkook’s dirty words, and he had to adjust himself before going downstairs. 

“I’m starved,” he smirked, “but I really just want dessert,” he whispered in your ear, nibbling it before walking away. 

You nearly fainted, but you followed him down to the kitchen.  You sat next to him at the table.

“Wow Mrs. Y/L/N, this looks amazing,” Jungkook smiled innocently. 

You  pressed your legs together desperate for any kind of relief. Jungkook smiled, placing a hand on your bare thigh under the table. Your eyes widened, and you looked at him. He just smiled politely, eyes focused ahead on what your mother was saying. Your dad came in and introduced himself. Your parents made idle conversation, they asked questions, but you could barely pay attention with Jungkook’s fingers dancing on your skin, so close to where you wanted him, but not close enough. As you were explaining the events of the day to your father, Jungkook’s fingers found their way past the hem of your shorts. You choked on your water.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook feigned concern.

“I’m fine. Wrong pipe,” you coughed, gripping his knee as a warning, pushing your legs together. 

He easily spread them apart again, because, did you really want him to stop? His fingers slithered past your underwear, teasing your slit. 

“This steak is so moist,” Jungkook grinned.

“Thank you, Jungkook,” your mom smiled.

You rolled your eyes, until he slipped one finger inside you. You bit down on your lip to avoid moaning. Jungkook didn’t even glance your way as he added another, pumping in and out of your heat seamlessly. His arm was barely moving. His thumb  rubbed circles around your clit, and you jumped a little. You dug your nails into his leg as his skilled fingers started moving faster, curling and hitting all the best places, making the electricity in your core build fast. You whimpered quietly as he shifted the angle, hitting your G-spot again.

“Are you okay, honey?” your dad asked.

“Yea-yeah. I just… ohhh.. My head hurts,” you moaned out.

“Do you need to be excused?” your dad asked.

“No…” you choked out breathlessly, “I’m okay.” 

“Okay,” he gave you a concerned look and started asking your mother about her day.

Jungkook leaned over and whispered hotly in your ear.

“Such a naughty girl, you don’t want to get caught do you? But it feels so good, doesn’t it? My fingers deep in your soaking pussy.  You act so innocent, I knew you’d be a dirty girl for me.” he purred quietly, so only you could hear. 

“Jungkook,” you gasped quietly, warning him that your orgasm was quickly approaching.

“Let it go baby, but be quiet.” 

He smirked, quickening the pace of his fingers. You covered your head with your arms, biting down on one to stifle the loud moan that left your lips as you rode out your high on Jungkook’ fingers, shaking from the explosion deep inside your core.

“Y/N?” your mom questioned.

“I think it’s a stress headache,” you croaked out. “Maybe I should go lay down. I’ll walk Jungkook out.”

“Okay honey, feel better. Nice to meet you, Jungkook.”

“Pleasure was mine.”  

“Come again soon,” she told him and he just smirked at you.

“I will.” 

Once you got outside, you hit his arm. 

“You’re such an asshole!” you hissed.

“You loved it.,” he laughed. 

You tugged on his shirt and he stepped closer to you.

“There’s more where that came from baby girl. I’m gonna show you how good I can make you feel,” he growled  “if your parents weren’t watching us from the window, I’d kiss you.”

“Now you’re scared?” you scoffed.

His eyes darkened and he pulled you against him roughly, kissing you hard and fast, making you dizzy. His tongue battled yours and his hands gripped your sides, grinding you into him. It was like a grenade had exploded in your mind, almost as good as the orgasm. He pulled away and licked his lips suggestively.

“I’m not afraid of anything, baby,” he winked, jumping on his bike and riding away.

Over the course of the next few weeks, all you could think about was Jungkook. Jungkook’s lips on yours, his fingers, daydreaming about other areas of his anatomy… All you wanted to do was to see how he could keep his word but he had other ideas. He loved to rile you up, then leave you wanting more, saying “it will be worth the wait baby.” Jungkook would sneak up behind you in the hallway, covering your eyes, whispering in your ear with that husky voice “guess who?”  and you like to tease him too.

“Tae?” You pretend- guessed.

Jungkook spun you around in a flash, pinning you against your locker, capturing your lips in a hot, jealous kiss.

“Does Tae kiss you like that?” Jungkook growled. 

“Well now that you mention it…” 

“Oh you’re so in for it,” his fingers dug into your side and you let out a shriek as he tickled you. 

“Jungkook! Jungkook!” You screamed, laughing. 

“That’s right baby, scream my name. Just how I like it, ” he joked, pulling you into a seemingly innocent hug, if it weren’t for his hot breath murmuring dirty things in your ear. 

You went weak against him and he pressed his hard on into your hips, to help keep you up and also to tease you. You whimpered like an injured puppy, grinding against him, but he pulled away. 

“Mmm… so hot for me baby,” he cooed, “maybe if you behaved and didn’t tease me, I wouldn’t have to tease you.“

“I’ll stop I swear,” You promised. 

He grabbed your ass, pulling you in for a fast kiss. The warning bell rang and he took your hand innocently, walking you to class. This hot and cold had shivers running down your spine. He kissed your forehead and went to his own class. 

Later, as you cuddled in his bed, you finally broke. 

“Babe, you’ve been teasing me for weeks. I want you,” you whined. 

“Okay.” 

“Really? Okay?” you gasped. 

“Yeah, but I want you to beg for it. Beg for me,” he smirked, “tell me how badly you need my big, thick cock in your little wet pussy. Tell me what you want me to do to you.” 

His eyes were dark and dangerous and you were already dripping as you sat up on your knees, looking up at him. 

“Jungkook, please,” you begged, too desperate to be embarrassed, “Please I need you inside me right now. I need to feel your hands on me. I can’t stop thinking about how good your fingers felt inside me. You’re all I think about, I’m going insane. Fuck, please.”  

“Mmm.. that’s it baby girl. You want me to make you feel good?” he purred. 

“Yes, please. Fuck Jungkook, I’m literally begging you. I’ll do anything,” you whimpered. 

“Anything?” 

“Literally anything. I need you that badly.” 

“Strip,” He instructed, standing up and walking over to his closet and pulling something out. 

You did as told without hesitation. Some might call you whipped, but it was more like sexual desperation. You’d been allowed to have a sample, but you needed the real thing. You’d been teased and provoked for weeks, and you were ready to burst. 

“Lay back, baby,” He said softly, and you did.

He pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his pocket, smirking at you.

“Are you ready?”  

Your eyes went wide and you nodded, moving your hands up to the headboard so he could cuff them. 

“Now, this is going to be different, but I want you to stop thinking so much and just feel what I’m doing to you. Can you do that?”  

“Yes,” you breathed out in excitement . 

He pulled out a large bandana, covering your eyes with it and securing it around your head.  You couldn’t even see any light filtering in through the fabric, it was just darkness. You heard Jungkook’ belt buckle and assumed he was undressing. You felt his body hovering over yours. 

“Mmm… you look so fucking good all tied up and ready for me. I’m going to make you feel so amazing baby girl,” he licked a stripe from the sensitive space below your ear down to your collarbone, nibbling gently. 

You felt something soft tickle your breasts, causing your nipples to perk up. The strange soft object was ghosted across your alert nipples and you bit your lip and shivered. 

“Do you trust me to take care of you?”  

You didn’t skip a beat, “yes.” 

“Good girl.”  

Everywhere the soft tickling sensation went, Jungkook lips followed close behind. He sucked on your breasts, teeth gently tugging on your erect nipples. You groaned quietly. His wet mouth on your sensitive skin was almost too much. He licked a bold line across them, blowing cold air on the wet skin, and you shook in anticipation.  Jungkook treated your body like a temple, worshipping every inch of your skin, telling you how flawless you were, how much he craved you. His mouth slowly, tantalizingly slowly, worked its way down your body, leaving little love bites, kissing and licking and teasing. You felt the soft tickle on your heat, so ready for his mouth to follow, but it didn’t. He teased your slit with the soft touches and kissed your mouth tenderly. 

“I wish you could see how beautiful you look, all open and ready for me. You’re a fucking goddess, y/n. I bet you taste so good, so sweet,” he told you, nibbling on your bottom lip. 

Your mouth fell open in awe at how his words affected you, how even a simple kiss had you writhing, how not being able to see made everything so much more intense, or maybe it was just Jungkook. Jungkook’s mouth left yours, and you missed his body heat pressed against yours until you felt him press soft kisses at your entrance. Finally, he was where you needed him. His tongue darted out unexpectedly, licking and swirling against your sensitive clit. You moaned quietly. His fingers snaked their way into your dripping core, curling just right, just like they had that night at dinner, only better. 

You arched your back off the bed, trying to handle your fingers in his hair, but your movements were halted by the cuffs. Jungkook fingered you quickly, pumping in and out hard and fast, but his tongue danced slowly on your little nub, the different tempos making your head spin. You were already close, his magic fingers working inside you, his delicious tongue bringing you so close to the edge. Your high crashed over you and your breath hitched, you couldn’t even make sound, just sucked in your breath as the most amazing feeling washed over you. 

Jungkook continued working on your pussy until he knew your high had come back down. Your breathing was labored and he grinned, loving what he could do to you. You felt completely spent, and you thought that was the end of it, until you heard a foil wrapper being opened. You weren’t sure if you could handle anything else with how sensitive your clit felt, but you sure as hell weren’t going to pass up this opportunity. Jungkook lined himself up at your sensitive, dripping entrance. He reached up and took off your blindfold, and the first thing you saw was his gorgeous face smiling down at you, meeting your eyes. 

“I wanted to be able to see your eyes for this part.” He told you, leaning down to kiss you gently, slowly sliding inside of you. 

You gasped, feeling over sensitive and wanting more at the same time. Jungkook moved slowly at first, letting you adjust, then he started going faster. The faster Jungkook snapped his hips, the louder you moaned, Jungkook encouraging you obviously. 

“That’s it baby, let it out, I want the neighbors to know who’s making you feel this good.”  

“Fuck, Jungkook, oh…” you nearly screamed “faster please please please.” 

Jungkook pumped in and out of you faster, rougher, causing the headboard to smack against the wall with a loud thud each time. Your whole body rocked along with the force of his thrusts, and you thought you might actually faint. You were flying, soaring, floating, you couldn’t describe it. You were in another world with Jungkook deep inside you, filling an empty space inside you that you didn’t even know existed. It was like you were incomplete until this moment, and Jungkook became a part of you, closing the gap. Your high was coming again, even more intense than the last. You could barely breathe, you couldn’t even get his name out of your mouth to warn him, you couldn’t do anything but feel the ridiculous ecstasy, bliss, delicious feeling that swallowed you whole. 

You screamed out, the most intense orgasm of your life surrounding you in immeasurable pleasure. Jungkook came soon after, and slowed his pace after riding out your highs together. He collapsed next to you, breathing as ragged as your own. You couldn’t move, couldn’t speak for a moment. You glanced over at him, looking like a snack- no, a five course meal- skin shimmering with sweat. He was perfection and you couldn’t believe he was really here, that you’d really just had sex with him. But it had been more than sex, it was hot and sensual and overwhelming and erotic but it was also two souls intertwining, like coming home after being gone for so long. It was like you belonged there with Jungkook, and you were finally where you were meant to be.  

“Jungkook?” You asked breathlessly.

“Hmm?” He looked at you, worn and sleepy. 

“You’re fucking amazing.”  

“Fucked you that good?” he laughed. 

“Gosh yes, but like… all of you. You’re an amazing person. I’m really glad I met you.”  

He gathered you up in his arms, kissing the top of your head and holding you close. 

“I’m glad I met you too, y/n. You’re incredible,” he cooed. 

You didn’t even try to get up for hours, you knew your legs wouldn’t work after the pounding you’d just had, but you didn’t want to move anyway. The only place you wanted to be was wrapped up in Jungkook’ arms, where you were safe and cherished and not afraid of anything. 

[fruitcoops]

Okay I love everything you do with Sirius and Regulus and I was wondering if you could do Regulus having a bad dream and Sirius comforting him? It could be about family or literally anything

No pressure though I love you tons <33

Ugh I love this prompt. These two make my heart ache in the best way, and it was a real treat to write about them a bit! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for nightmares (mentioned) and past child abuse (mentioned, vague)

The first thing Sirius thought of when he awoke to a rustling downstairs was ‘raccoon?’

The second was ‘burglar??’

And the third was Regulus.

Carefully, he moved Remus’ head onto the pillow and slipped out from under his arm, shivering at the chill of their bedroom outside the blankets. He grabbed a hoodie off the dresser and opened the door softly before padding downstairs; it was half past three in the morning on a Saturday, and Regulus never got up before eleven if he could help it, even on weekdays.

The kitchen light was on when Sirius walked down the stairs, still rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Reg?” he whispered.

A mug clattered and he frowned, wincing at the brightness of the small room. Regulus had his back to the door as he fiddled with the stove.

“What’re you doing up?” Sirius asked around a yawn.

“Didn’t mean to wake you up. Sorry.” A fine tremor rippled through Regulus’ arm; his voice was strained.

The latent drowsiness left Sirius’ body in the blink of an eye. “Are you alright?”

“All good.”

“Reg.”

Regulus swallowed as Sirius gently touched his arm. Hot chocolate bubbled in the pan that he stirred with a shaky hand—underneath the warm milk, Sirius smelled cinnamon. “It was just a nightmare. I’ll be alright in a minute.”

“How long have you been awake?”

He shrugged, sniffling once before grabbing his mug off the counter. It was a multicolored monstrosity Katie had painted him for his birthday, but he used on every occasion; once, Sirius saw him drink lemonade from it. “Half an hour? An hour? I’m not sure.”

“Do you want to talk?”

Regulus shook his head and his lower lip quavered slightly. Sirius made a soft sound and opened his arms, letting him rest against his chest like he used to when they were kids. Two hands clutched the back of his hoodie and he pressed a light kiss to Regulus’ dark hair before setting his chin on it. “Sorry,” Regulus hiccupped. “I tried to be quiet.”

“I thought you were a raccoon for a second,” Sirius joked, though he kept a tight hold on his little brother. “You know you can always wake me up if you need something, right?”

“I’m nineteen, not four.” Despite his scoff, Regulus held on tighter. “Thanks. I needed this.”

“Any time.” Sirius reached down and stirred the hot chocolate as it began to froth. “Did you add the nutmeg?”

“I don’t remember.”

Sirius nodded and brought the spoon to his mouth, licking his lips. “Yep, you got it. Oh, that’s good.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” He grabbed another mug out of the cupboard and poured equal measures into each, then a little more into Regulus’.

“Hey! I didn’t say you could have any.”

“Brother tax.” Sirius took a sip and smacked his lips just to rub it in. “Also, payment for the hug.”

“I’m not paying you for hugs.”

“It’s either this or five bucks. I’ll leave it up to you.” He grinned and knocked their hips together as Regulus rolled his eyes. They drank in comfortable silence for a few minutes, hands curled around the warm edges as spiced chocolate steam filled the kitchen.

“So…” Regulus trailed off.

Sirius took another drink. “I’m not going to make you talk if you don’t want to.”

“Okay.” There were a few more heartbeats of quiet. “It was about Mother.”

It took every ounce of self-control, but Sirius didn’t flinch. “Hmm.”

“She was yelling again. She yelled a lot, especially after you were gone.”

He swallowed hard around the shame rising in his throat. Heather always said he shouldn’t be guilty for moving forward, that he hadn’t abandoned Regulus in any sense of the word, but it was still hard to accept. “She always did.”

“I don’t blame you for getting out.” Regulus kept his eyes trained on the red walls as he scooted over so their shoulders touched. “I’m glad you did, actually. I’d rather it be me than you.”

“That’s my line,” Sirius laughed, a little bitterly. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“Neither did you.”

“She can’t touch us here, okay? We’re safe now.” Sirius nudged him until he looked over and nodded. “You’ll always have a place in this house, Reg.”

“Remus must be tired of having me around,” Regulus muttered into the rim of his mug.

“Are you kidding? He thinks you’re the best thing since sliced bread,” Sirius snorted. “You’re both such nerds.”

“Okay, Mr. Come-Watch-This-Underwater-Documentary-For-the-Fifth-Time.”

Sirius made a face at him and put the pan in the sink, running some water around the sides so the milk wouldn’t stick. He could tell Regulus wanted to say more; tension was starting to gather in the air again. “Even if he was tired of you, I wouldn’t kick you out.”

There was a beat of surprised silence. “You wouldn’t?”

“No. I almost lost you once and I won’t do it again.” He drained the last of his hot chocolate and bit his lip. “Please don’t make me choose between you, though.”

“I won’t. I would never make you do that.” A fierce gleam entered Regulus’ silver eyes for a moment, then faded. “Dumo offered me a place to stay when Logan moves in with his boys.”

“Did he?”

“I was—” Regulus paused. “I was thinking about taking him up on the offer.”

A pang hit Sirius’ heart. “I think it’ll be good for you. Independence, and all that.”

“I think so, too. It’ll be…interesting, to have some solid parents for once.” He set his mug down and leaned back on the counter, looking around the kitchen carefully. “I like it here, though. It feels like a home.”

“You can make whatever choice you think is best. I’ll miss you, but I won’t stop you from whatever you decide to do.”

Regulus chewed his lower lip. “I was thinking about quitting hockey.”

“Okay.”

“I love it so much, but I might take a year and do some online classes. Or get a job. I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to know everything right now.” Sirius reached over and ruffled his hair. “You’re nineteen, not ninety-five. Honestly, I’ve been waiting to catch you sneaking out to hang with Knutty one of these nights.”

Regulus laughed quietly, a real smile splitting his face. “That’s a good idea.”

“I could ground you.” Sirius grinned. “I’ve always wanted to ground somebody.”

“That’s so lame,” Regulus snickered, leaning his temple on Sirius’ shoulder for a moment before sighing. “I’m going to try and sleep again.”

“Sweet dreams, freeloader,” Sirius teased, giving him a squeeze. “And put your dishes in the sink.”

[sergeantsporks]

Whatever It Takes

Rating: Teen and Up, Gen

TW: Self-harm, attempted suicide, emotional manipulation

“While I’ve got you here, want to hear the complete history of wild magic? I’m sure you’ll find it very interesting, considering that you’re old enough to have lived through it.”

“I am not, you little brat. Shut your mouth, I don’t want to listen to your voice.” 

“Yeah? What if I don’t want to shut up? What if I feel like singing?"

Hunter is a difficult prisoner to keep, and Lilith and Eda are about to find that out the hard way.

Ao3

Ch 4/4: Set Free (to fly into another cage)

Ch 1, Ch 2, Ch 3

“… Lilith? Do… do you really hate me?”

Lilith jumped at Hunter’s slurred voice, twisting to look at him. His eyes were only half-open—the sleeping potion hadn’t quite worn off yet. Still, she reached for her staff, just in case. He was still white as a sheet, and his hands were shaking uncontrollably. “You’re still in shock—I’m going to go get more—”

“Do you?” he pressed, wincing at every word. His palisman stared at her judgmentally, protectively wiggling down further into Hunter’s hair.

Lilith twisted her hands in her lap. “I… I hate what you represent. Emperor Belos. The coven I served faithfully for thirty years of my life that threw me out like trash. My replacement, my failure, the fact that there’s always someone better than me, someone more favored, someone born better than me in some way that I can never catch up to with hard work.” She sighed. “But… the weight of being coven head will crush you. I hate what you do for the emperor, but at the end of the day… You can be annoying, but I can’t hate you—in another reality where I didn’t have Edalyn, I would be you.”

The barest ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You… wish you could be me…”

Lilith snorted. “Yeah, right, brat.” She took in a deep breath. “Let me ask you something: why does it matter?”

“…huh?”

“Why does it matter if I hate you or not? You’re a loyal coven member, right? And I’m a traitor. By all rights and purposes, we should hate each other. You have Belos—why do you need my love?”

She got up, going back to the kitchen and grabbing another bottle of sleeping potion. “I don’t know why I’m bothering. You probably won’t even remember this,” she murmured, uncorking the bottle, “Alright, sleep for you until your nerves settle. You look awful.”

Hunter’s hand twitched, like he was trying to grab her hand, and his palisman fluttered down to his shoulder, chirping comfortingly. “I didn’t try to kill myself because I failed,” he mumbled. His dazed eyes stared into hers desperately, like he needed her to understand what he was talking about. “It was just that I was more useful to Belos dead.”

A chill ran down her spine, and Lilith’s hands shook as she held the sleeping potion to his mouth, tilting it back. He fell back asleep as his palisman nuzzled his face, and she tossed the empty bottle down onto the table, her hands still shaking. She tucked them into her lap, willing herself to be still.

Still, she couldn’t forget his magenta eyes locked onto hers, and how desperate they looked.

Titan, that had been freaky.

Lilith could imagine being so scared of Belos’ disappointment, so scared of the punishment he would met out that she could despair and take her own life.

But the idea of willingly tying the noose around her neck because she thought it was what Belos would want-!

That was a level of loyalty—really more border-lining on blind adoration and worship—that she couldn’t understand.

Lilith briefly thought about calling Eda and telling her about this disturbing new development, but she shut her mouth before she actually made a sound.

“Hootcifer?” she called faintly.

The house demon was at her side in a moment. “I heard, Lulu.”

Lilith rubbed her temples. “Can you just… keep an eye on him for a bit? I’m going for a walk. I need to clear my head.”

“You can count on me!”

Lilith patted her friend’s face absentmindedly and wandered outside.

She’d always known how Belos was, she told herself, she’d always known how good he was at manipulating people.

She’d just… never quite considered the ramifications of only having Belos as an influence. Coven training, and old self-preservation habits still kicked in on her sometimes. But at least she’d had a different upbringing. She could take a step back and remind herself what was right and wrong.

No, she realized with sudden clarity, she didn’t hate Hunter at all.

She just pitied him.

Xxx

Eda traipsed down the stairs to see Hooty rocking a passed-out Hunter back and forth, singing some demon lullaby about eating bugs to him while Hunter’s palisman flew frantically around him, pecking at her house demon. She had to stop and stare at that for a moment, just trying to figure out what was going on.

“Do I want to know?”

“Lulu asked me to watch him! I think he likes my singing, he hasn’t woken up yet.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s because he’s drugged, Hooty.”

“Oh.” Hooty dumped Hunter back on the couch unceremoniously, and his palisman fluttered down, warbling angrily. “I guess drugging your kids to go to sleep isn’t a parenting choice I’d considered.”

“Drugging my—Hooty, he’s our prisoner, not a new kid! Are you kidding me? He’s the Golden Guard!”

“Tell that to Lulu.”

Eda pinched the bridge of her nose. Oh, no. “Explain that statement right now.”

“She feels bad for him.”

“’Bout time. Of course she feels bad for him, everyone feels bad for him, he’s a tragic-faced little angst-ball, that doesn’t mean we’re going to adopt him! He’s tried to kill us several times, for titan’s sake!”

Hooty flopped down over Hunter, earning more angry tweets and pecks from his palisman. “I think he’s fun. He reminds me of Lulu. You keep him prisoner, I’m going to be his friend!”

“Hooty, that’s very nice of you to offer, but we already established that we’re not going to torture him. Get off of him before his bird has an aneurism.”

Eda heard a knock on the door, and she gestured frantically to Hooty. “Hide the kid!” she hissed.

Hooty swallowed Hunter whole.

“Oh—okay, that happened. You are going to spit him back up, Hooty.”

He nodded unconvincingly while Hunter’s palisman went ballistic, flying up and down the length of Hooty’s neck, chirping anxiously. Eda ignored them, opening the door to see Darius standing outside. “Coven head. How nice.” She stepped outside, closing the door behind her, hiding the Hooty situation. “Get off of my lawn.”

“Oh, I’m not here to pick a fight!” Darius said, his voice oozing with fake sincerity, “I came to inform you that I’m relatively certain I saw the owl beast! And it attacked me!”

“Aw, really? Shame. Well, you know how it is! That thing’s a wild animal, can’t control it!”

Darius sniffed. “Disgusting creature. Yes. But I believe that someone else may have been controlling it.”

It took every ounce of Eda’s very limited self-control not to haul off and punch him in the face. The owl beast inside her snapped angrily at the insult. “Ohhhhh is that so?”

“Yes. One question for you. Where. Is. Your. Sister?”

Xxx

Lilith turned on the path back towards the Owl House. She shouldn’t leave Hunter alone with Hooty for too long—she adored her friend, but he could be a little much to some people.

She froze in her tracks as she saw Darius, talking to Eda. Eda gave her a go away look.

“NO, Darius, my sister has NOT been controlling my owl beast form,” she said loudly, “I don’t know WHY you’d think that, and I CERTAINLY don’t know where she is!”

Lilith ducked around the back of the house, coming in the kitchen door. If Darius found Hunter—it was all over. She ran into the living room, but Hunter wasn’t there anymore.

Then she spotted Hunter’s palisman fluttering around Hooty’s face, tweeting angrily. She pointed one finger at the ground. “Spit him up, Hootcifer.”

“Eda told me to hide him.”

“I’ll take care of that now. Spit him up.”

Hooty retched, and coughed up a roughly Hunter-sized owl pellet. Lilith tore it apart while Hunter’s palisman perched on her shoulder, watching anxiously.

“There, see, he’s fine,” she told the bird, lifting Hunter up, “He didn’t even wake up.”

The cardinal settled down on its witch, warbling softly.

There was a loud bang from outside, and a lot of yelling. “GET OFF OF MY PROPERTY!” Eda yelled, her voice rising to the shriek of her harpy form.

Hunter’s eyes fluttered open, and he stared up at Lilith. She promptly dropped him.

“Ack! Sorry.”

Hunter blinked, disoriented. “Wha—what’s going o—”

Lilith drew a plant glyph, vines tangling up Hunter’s hands before he could grab his palisman. “Darius is here,” she whispered, “He’s looking for me—and by extension, probably you.”

Hunter’s face, surprisingly, paled at that. “Eda won’t beat him—you only beat us last time through the element of surprise. This time, he’s made the first move.”

“Yes, and I’m sure you’re quite pleased with that.”

He shook his head, white as a sheet. “Don’t let him find me,” he begged.

Lilith’s heart thudded in her chest, barely daring to hope… “What? Why not? This is what you wanted, isn’t it? To go back?”

“No! Not like this! If Darius finds me, then Belos will know I was captured, and—I have to get out of here!”

“And go where? I’d love some suggestions as to where I can stash you.”

Hunter bit his lip. “We can help each other,” he said suddenly, “I’ll make a deal with you—let me go. Emperor Belos won’t be as angry if I’m just late.”

“Yeah, I see how that helps you. But I’m still dead meat.”

Hunter shook his head. “If Darius doesn’t find me here, he won’t know what you did. If you let me go, Lilith, I promise that I won’t tell the emperor what happened. I don’t want him knowing that you captured me any more than you do, trust me.”

“Ugh—yes, yes, I know how it is. I trust you on that, at least.”

“Okay. It’s settled, then. You let me go, and I pretend like this whole thing never happened. Eda might get in a little bit of hot water for fighting a coven head out there, but everyone gets off scot-free, more or less.”

“It is not settled! You’re really going to go back?! You’re so scared of him finding out you got captured that you’re going to lie for the rest of your life about what happened, but you’re still going to go back to him?”

“Of course I am—Belos sent Darius to rescue me. He wants me back, Lilith, he didn’t give up on me!”

Lilith thought her heart might just snap in two. Just when maybe she’d gotten close—this really was the worst time for Darius to show up looking for him. “Ah—titan, Hunter, he doesn’t actually care about you! He doesn’t care about any of us! He’s just using you!”

“Well—maybe that’s enough. To be needed, useful. Please, Lilith.”

Lilith looked down at his pleading eyes. What would happen if she said no? He’d keep trying to escape, only for her to drag him back? What if she wasn’t watching as closely one day, and he succeeded at killing himself? Could she live with herself if that happened? And that was assuming they even got out of this situation. She sighed, untying his hands and grabbing his coven staff from Eda’s weapon room. “Let’s go.”

They snuck around the fighting Darius and Eda, soaring up into the sky on their staffs. Lilith touched down with him outside the keep, holding out his staff. “How are you going to explain what took you so long? And why you look like…” she gestured to his blood-stained clothes. “…that.”

Hunter dropped his palisman staff, and his bird transformed back into its live form, perching on his shoulder. “…You’re right, I need something believable.” He looked at her, then down at his feet. “Lilith… you know how it works… Eda could never…”

Nausea swirled in Lilith’s stomach. “Oh, no. Hunter—”

“The healers will take care of it, I’ll be fine, I just need an excuse.”

“I—I don’t want to… Titan, Hunter, Belos is not worth this.”

“Do it quick. Before I change my mind. He squeezed his eyes shut, putting his hand in his mouth.

“Are you—”

“Just do it!” he growled around his glove.

Lilith sucked in a deep breath, and brought her staff whirling around into the side of his knee with a crack. He bit down on his hand with a strangled scream, and she caught him by the arms, lowering him gently to the ground while his palisman warbled comfortingly to him. “It’s not too late to come back. We can figure out something for Darius—you don’t have to go back.” Please don’t go back.

His eyes shined with that same weird, uncomfortable light that they had when he’d told her that killing himself was what Belos would want. “He—needs—me. I want to go back.”

Lilith sighed, and gently scooped Hunter’s palisman up in her hands, straightening up. “Hey,” she said softly to it, “Take care of him, okay? Make sure he has a voice other than Belos’. I’m sorry that I can’t get through to him. Maybe you can.”

The cardinal nodded and gave her wrist an affectionate peck before turning into solid wood. Lilith tucked the palisman into Hunter’s cloak and mussed up his hair, tucking a twig into it. “There. So you look the part.”

He smiled weakly. “Thank you, Lilith.”

Lilith squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then sat back on her staff. “Don’t thank me, Hunter. Not for this. Never for this. If I really cared, I’d take you far, far away from here.”

“This is where I belong.”

Lilith shook her head, flying back towards the owl house and trying in vain to forget about the injured boy she’d just left behind.

No one belongs here. Certainly not you.

Xxx

 Eda growled, twisting and straining against the abomination goop pinning her to her own wall. Darius tore through the house, holding Hooty at bay by sticking his mouth shut with more goo. Eventually, the abomination-man slimed his way back. “She’s really not here.”

“Of course not,” Eda snapped, “Get out of my house.”

He snarled at her. “You seem to have an awful lot of control for just a dumb beast. You’d better hope that I forget about this, Edalyn.”

And then he was gone, his slime following him. Eda let out a sigh of relief, switching back to her regular body. “Alright, Hooty, cough up the kid—hey, where’d his palisman go?”

“Lilith already took the golden guard!”

As if he’d summoned her, Lilith touched down from the sky.

Notably without Hunter.

“Liiiiliiii,” Eda singsonged in a you’re-in-trouble voice, “What did you do with my prisoner?”

Lilith clutched her staff tightly, looking down to the side. “I let him go,” she said softly.

“You did WHAT?!”

“He won’t rat us out, don’t worry.” To Eda’s surprise, her sister’s shoulders started to shake. “I forgot how alone you feel in the coven,” she murmured, “Like no one can help you, and it’s all you can do to survive.”

Almost all of Eda’s anger immediately dissipated, and she wrapped an arm around her sister’s shoulders. “Ohhh, okay. Okay. He’ll be alright, Lilith.”

“I wanted to protect you, and I was worried he’d keep trying to kill himself if we kept him, so I left him, but he won’t be okay, Eda, no one there is okay, and I just left him there to protect my own stupid skin!”

Eda rubbed her sister’s arm. “Hey, you did what you thought was the best of a lot of bad options. There wasn’t a scenario where everyone got out okay. He can hold out for a while, Lilith. He has his palisman. And if you want, we can kidnap him again some other time, okay? Better yet, we can send Luz, she’s very good at making people like her and rebel for her.”

Lilith snorted a little bit at that. “Thank you, Edalyn.”

“Send me where?”

Eda whirled around to see her apprentice standing on the path, King behind her. “Oh! Hey, you’re back! Uh, on some errands, of course! Lilith ran out of elixir!”

Luz nodded to Lilith. “Oh, hey! What have you two been up to?”

Eda and Lilith glanced at each other. “Nothing,” they said in unison.

Xxx

“Ah, Hunter. You’ve returned.”

Belos watched his nephew struggle to kneel, biting his lip so hard it bled. “Emperor Belos—I apologize for the delay in my return.”

“Darius said he left you behind fighting the assassins.”

Hunter nodded.

“And?”

“A couple of low-life thugs—no one important.” Hunter made a vague gesture at his bloody clothes. “I took care of them.”

A lie. Belos knew that the owl lady and her sister had been behind this, and he also knew that they were still alive. Which meant it wasn’t their blood staining his guard’s clothes. Interesting. He’d let the boy get away with it for now, but if Hunter started to make a habit of lying to him, he’d have to find a way to quash it. “And your injury?”

“Sustained in the fight. Again, I apologize for the delay it caused. It won’t happen again.”

“No. It won’t. See yourself to the healers. I need you healthy.” Belos watched him haul himself up, leaning on his staff for support. “I’m glad you’ve returned, Hunter.”

Xxx

Hunter limped to his bed with a sigh, collapsing on it and rubbing his knee. The healers had mended most of the damage, but it was still sore. His palisman fluttered out of his pocket, chiding him.

“It doesn’t hurt that bad. I’m okay, I promise.”

A disgusted chirp.

“Don’t talk about him like that! He’s the emperor, there’s appearances to keep up—even if you get hurt.” Hunter held out a hand for the bird to perch on. “Hey—he was happy to see me. Lilith doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

His palisman gave his hand a disdainful look, and fluttered up to his shelf, fluffing up its feathers.

“Well, fine! Be that way.” Hunter flopped backwards on his bed. Somehow, the room seemed emptier than it had when he’d left.

Why do I need Lilith to like me?

He shook himself.

Forget her. You’re home. Belos needs you. And that’s all that matters.

[sinkix]

Haikyuu!!│Obsessive/Yandere HC’s │

Warning - Contains dark themes, mentions of emotional and physical abuse & sexually suggestive/explicit (18+) content, reader’s discretion is advised.

Characters - Hinata, Kuroo, Daichi, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Oikawa, Bokuto, Tendou & Kageyama.

Important Note: This is in no way romanticising or normalising toxic/abusive behaviour, you should not do as such as this is incredibly dangerous and unhealthy. If you identify any of these in your own relationships please seek help from a member of authority, counsellor or someone who can remove you from and aid in your recovery from the situation. This is a great contrast from all my other work on here so please read with caution. Stay safe <3

Hinata - The Hell-bent Visionary

Danger level: 6.5/10

So you’ve caught the eye of Karasuno’s ray of sunshine?

Bask in it’s warmth while you can, for the sun sets and leaves a chilling dark in it’s wake.

When he becomes focused on something, it’s hard to break the dedication he has. It’s unyielding, firm and persistent. Once you light a fire in him, it’s near impossible to put out.

And you didn’t just spark a flame, you formed a whole inferno.

Blowing up your phone with texts, calls and the tapping of rocks against your bedroom’s glass from late night visits to your doorstep. Greeted with the sickening scent of blood-red roses filling your nose at a reminder of how firmly he has you in his hold that will never falter. The lingering scratch marks adorning the window panes that you could have sworn were not there the night before.

 He can’t get enough of you, and the more time he spends with you, the more addictive your presence becomes.

He’s hooked, reaching the point of rivalling his sporting passion.

He learns to balance the two equally, and any second that isn’t spent practising, he is by your side or doing everything in his power to be.

It’s tunnel vision. All he sees is you, and the ball, nothing else matters. Relentlessly chasing for both long after his lungs tire and legs give out.

 He is a dark, unwavering force of nature, itching to monopolise you and eradicate any threat on what belongs to him. Yet around everyone else, he's a bundle of lovable sunshine who wouldn't dare hurt a fly, and while he doesn't show an outright aggressive nature, you know there's something sinister lurking underneath that might one day snap. 

It’s his stare that haunts you the most.

That ominous, chilling stare which pierces through your heart and impales it on a stick, out on display for him to marvel at in all it’s vulnerable beauty. The level of intensity and sheer devotion glinting in his eyes is nothing short of haunting.

Luckily for you, Hinata will not cause physical harm, but it’s his presence and ‘Jekyll & Hyde’ nature which will slowly but surely chip away at you until your sanity is reduced to dust. The worst part? Since he is loved by everyone, no one sees the twisted side you do, and as a result left permanently in a state of self-doubt and second guessing. Your mind will eventually spiral into a descent to madness until your right where he wants you.

Be careful, for even the sun’s light burns out eventually. And when it does, you’ll be swallowed by the darkness.

Kuroo - The Devil’s Reciprocal

Danger level: 9/10

Ahhh, the bad boy who smells of cigarettes and sex, the one who lurks in bars long after midnight eyeing up his prey. This man gives Satan a run for his money. I hope you’re prepared. What did you do to catch his eye, anyway? 

Whatever it was, it’s doomed you to an eternity in hell on earth.

Or heaven, if you’re a glass half full kind of person.

Kuroo drew you in like a moth to a flame, you knew he had no glinting halo, but that was his appeal.

 He was the incarnation of everything your parents warned you about, and you couldn’t get enough of it. 

Hell, you still can’t. But that doesn’t minimise the damage done to you every second he turns the light on, reeling you in once again, further and further until there’s no escape, utterly blinded by his deceiving tactics.

He has many admirers, you know. So in his eyes he feels you should be privileged to be given so much of his attention, that once received would leave any sane person running.

Unfortunately, you don’t seem to be sane enough, and he recognises this. He knows he’s got you hooked on his every word, dragging out the syllables like a lullaby that leave you entranced and begging for more.

 What can I say? The man has a way with words, and you’re totally enthralled by every sentence. 

Kuroo recklessly waves his charm like a gun, never a moment of hesitation to utilise it in order to get what he wants. 

And he always gets what he wants. 

It’s so dangerous it will leave you down on your knees in an act of submission and prepared to do anything to please him. The tip of the pistol aimed at your temple as if daring your defiance.

He revels in seeing that doe-eyed expression, fully aware of how much control he holds over every cell in your body. All of them scream out for him, for Kuroo. To kiss you, touch you and whisper sweet-nothings into your ear that linger with his hot breath scathing your neck, burning his scent into your memory until it’s one you’ll never forget. 

With all that temptation comes  consequence though, because once you give in, you’ll face the sadists horns that lurk underneath. 

Intertwining your bodies and tracing a switchblade across your jugular, he’ll stretch his lips into a wide, cunning grin, slamming into you and rutting his hips until they connect with yours. Throwing your head back in ecstasy, your whine will be stifled and cut short by the piercing slit of a blade shallowly opening the skin of your throat, the sharp sting lingering as his tongue deepens the incision with delight.

He is incredibly possessive, so anyone he deems a threat will be mercilessly eradicated, soon to be forgotten though. He will never allow your thoughts to be consumed by anything but him. 

Grinding his body against yours, the husky murmuring of pillow talk he is all too skilled at will leaves your knees trembling and buckling before him, with the one question he will only ever accept one answer to.

“Tell me sweetheart, who do you belong to...?”

Shuffling the cards and dragging cigar smoke across his lips, he’ll sip that glass of gin snidely and lock you in place with his smouldering gaze. Forever a reminder there’s no escape from his enslaving curse.

Daichi - The Despotic Protector

Danger level: 6/10

Karasuno’s father figure and reliable captain rolled into one. I hope you’re prepared for a lifetime of suffocation, because he’s never letting you go.

He takes on an almost a parental role in the relationship, and a toxic one.

Controlling, overbearing and monitoring your every move. He will never allow you to do anything without his permission out of fear for your safety.

I mean, what if something happens to you while you’re not within his peripherals? 

That’s a thought he simply couldn’t bear.

He’ll lock you in the confines of his home if he has to. But don’t get mad sweetheart, it’s because he cares for you.

Soon enough Daichi will have isolated you from the world, never seeing the shining of sunlight unless your arm is looped around his in a crushing hold. 

Friends? You can forget them, he made sure to steer you far, far away from those. He just can’t risk them laying a finger on you or putting you in harms way, he would never forgive them.

Daichi desperately tries to convince you he has your best interests at heart, and unluckily for you, you fall right into his trap.

Your whole life is consumed by him, and only him. Watching the clock tick by aimlessly until you hear his footsteps up the driveway, scurrying to the door to greet him like an obedient dog upon his arrival.

Pulling you into a loving hug that threatens to squeeze the life out of you, you can’t help but let your mind roam and ponder the question lurking at the back of your thoughts.

Has he ever killed with these hands?

They seem too crushing. Like a brute, inhuman force. You can picture his fingers wrapped around someone’s throat and draining them of oxygen almost too easily.

Little did you know, your hypothesis was painfully accurate. 

An old childhood friend of yours, currently 6 feet under in the yard. Your bare feet trampling over his grave and none the wiser every time he allows you to set foot in the garden.

You’ll never know, though. It’s not like you can check your phone without his permission anyway, he’s already blocked their contact.

Days, weeks, months pass by of his constant monitoring and controlling behaviour. The CCTV’s scattered in every corner of the house, the social deprivation and loneliness that creeps in every time he’s not there as you roam the barren household, the purple finger marks roping your wrists from when he kept you in a paralysing grip,daring your disobedience.

and you can’t help but wonder,

Maybe the person you needed protecting from was him.

Tsukishima - The Mendacious Manipulator

Danger level: 8.5/10

How unlucky you are to be paired with this mentally destroying sadist. 

At first Tsukishima’s wit, sarcasm and clever quips were what allured you, never did you think they would be used against you. Wielded like a weapon with a blade sharp enough to slice you in two.

And I’m warning you, every cut hurts.

There’s no escaping from it, a string of degrading remarks whispered cruelly in your ear while holding hands in public, appearing to be a cute and affectionate couple, but a sinister secret lurks underneath that only you know of.

He’ll treat you like a dog, expecting you to be at his every beck and call, serving on your knees with a painted smile that’s woefully forced on with every ounce of strength you have left.

You are his puppet, his useless little play thing that he makes painfully aware of how disposable they truly are.

And don’t take him for a fool, he will discard you if he sees fit.

Unmerciful, cruel, snide, are the some of many words that can describe Tsukishima, and as you’ll soon find out none of them are pleasant.

He will craftily make you open up to him. Revealing your deepest insecurities,traumas and troubles then sheath it like a sword to your neck, holding you hostage to your own weaknesses in order to gain that empowering sense of control he oh-so revels in. Endlessly striving to achieve his selfish, favourable outcome. 

This Yandere is one of most intelligent of the bunch, and unfortunately for you, does not use his intelligence for charitable or good-natured purposes.

He knows exactly what to say to leave you curled up in a ball, tears streaming and wracked in emotional agony as you plead for forgiveness on something that isn’t even your fault. He knows this, but finds it comical and all too amusing to see you so broken over something when you weren’t the one to blame. He gets off to your mental anguish.

You’ll be left stumbling the streets at 2 in the morning, contemplating your life and everything as you know it, he will warp your perception of the world until he is the only one you can crawl to. After all, it’s your fault, right? He’s the only one who could tolerate you, everyone else abandoned you because you were so insufferable.

...is what he’ll have you believe. In reality, Tsukishima was pulling strings behind the scenes to ensure you would distance yourself from friends and family, resulting in them doing the same. Wrapping you around his finger and twisting your behaviour into one that’s volatile and unapproachable, until you’re left totally alone.

You’ll never know though.

That mental fortitude will soon shatter, and when it does, he’ll cackle at it’s pathetic remains.

Yamaguchi  - The Diffident Vampire

Danger level: 5/10

I’m sad to say, but your tween Twilight fantasies will be crushed when you stumble upon this mess of a monster.

I don’t mean to say he’s a literal vampire, but you’ll understand the use of this metaphor once we delve into some of his tendencies.

He is incredibly insecure, the walking embodiment of the very word.

Now that isn’t the reason you should be warded off, everyone has self-esteem issues. However, this trait of his plays a huge part in siphoning the life out of you.

He captured your heart with his soft and sympathetic nature, easily startled and somewhat skittish.

You didn’t see what was below the iceberg however, and once you did, he sank his teeth in and began to suck before you could escape, draining you dry until you have no more left to give. Nothing to spare until he is licking his lips in satisfaction, swelled with the abundance at the emotional dependency he has built up on you.

He needs reassurance like a life line, and while some might find this endearing at first, it undoubtedly becomes highly toxic and emotionally exhausting.  

Yamaguchi is incredibly volatile with his sensitivity, you have to watch your words and be sure he doesn’t misinterpret them and become dejected. He will read into everything you say and question every little detail. 

This is one of those Yandere’s that wouldn't do it intentionally I don’t think, but by the time he catches himself it’s too late, he’s in far too deep to stop and I don’t think he ever will once he realises how addicted he is to you, your words boosting his sense of worth and being the only form of confidence he’s ever felt in his life.

It’s quite sad, really. 

Don’t pity him too much, though. That’s the trap. That’s how reels you in until the teeth marks adorning your neck are a harsh reminder that you are nothing more than food for his ego.

If you ever think about leaving, he will have no qualms grovelling at your knees, razor to his wrists and begging you to stay. A cruel memoire at what keeps you tied here in the first place.

Pity.

Care.

The mutual empathy you saw in him that drew you in was now broken and one-sided, his selfishness far outweighing this trait of his and becoming your death-sentence. 

The marks will never fade. One day you’ll collapse to your knees and cave, but he won’t stop until he has bled you bare.

Oikawa - The Venusian’s Nightmare.

Danger level: 8/10

Oh charming Oikawa. The pretty boy with enough carnal seduction to rival his greek goddess counterpart. Hair smooth as silk, eyes glinting with mischief and a smirk that could bow you down on all fours. He has everything, or so it seems.

Sanity isn’t one of them.

He is VERY demanding when he craves your attention, which let’s face it is pretty often. If he doesn’t get it? Definition of a nightmarish brat.

He will whine, complain, blow up your phone. Still not available?

He’ll simply disappear.

For how long? Who really knows. He likes the thought of you on edge and anticipating his return, thoughts of him plaguing your mind to the point you question if you’re the one who’s obsessed.

Don’t worry though, when he returns he has enough sensual suave to make you forgive him ten times over.

You may think his bratty and sulking nature is the worst of it.

Oh how wrong you are.

Push him to his limits or the closest thing to it and you’ll face a cut-throat, teasing sadist who will tie you to the bed with a sickening sparkle in his eyes, marvelling at your skin jaggedly sliced open like a sheet of paper, tracing the wounds with his tongue and lapping up the blood before pulling you into a heated kiss which seems almost loving, if it weren’t for the metallic taste intertwining your tongues as a harsh reminder that you’re not here by choice.

He is definitely the type to mock you and howl with laughter as your body spams and writhes in pain, degrading you with the most vile remarks till tears spill from your eyes.

“Awh poor (Y/N)-chan, crying like a baby. Can’t handle the pain? What a pathetic little whore. Maybe if you beg enough, I’ll ease up the pressure~”

Sometimes he’ll leave you there wrist-bound to the bed post for hours, coming back in occasionally until your level of pleading satisfies him. 

His change in treatment is paradoxical in the aftermath, he will release you from your restrains and rub your skin with such tender care, it’s agonisingly deceiving.

One of the most dangerous things about him is his intuition, it’s damn near supernatural and makes for a natural born lie detector. Oikawa will sense the slightest shift in your mood, tone and body language. He knows you like the back of his hand, making it all the more unnerving to be in his presence.

This can be a positive if he is looking to fill you with ecstasy, since he knows every sweet spot, curl of his fingers and words to whisper that leave you trembling in mind-numbing pleasure.

Though you know once coming down from your high, your moments of heaven will slip through your fingers before crashing back down to reality.

He can read you like a book that he wrote with his own hands and it’s horrifying, he can predict what you’re going to say or do before you’ve even made up your mind. Which as you can guess, makes escape or wheedling out of a threatening scenario a null alternative.

If you decide to make the suicidal mistake of lying, your body will never quite function the same once he’s through. not to mention the plethora of emotional scarring that comes along with it.

After catching you in your mendacity and deeming your punishment enough, he’ll decorate your body in cuts, bruises and hickeys that throb from the abuse of his teeth. Laying you down in bed and tucking you in gently, wrapping an arm around in an act of ‘protection’ that was formerly wrapped around your throat in an act of threatening asphyxiation.

Eyes fluttering closed hours after he drifted off beside you, your heart rate quells and the tears staining your cheeks dry, preparing for the repeated cycle when the sun rises. 

How foolish to be lured in by such a facade, even the most beautiful of creatures can be hideous. 

Bokuto -  The Volcanoes Slaughter

Danger level: 9.5/10

The ticking of a time bomb, the cracking of the ground beneath your feet.

Once you are swept up in this man’s wrath you know there will never be an escape.

and he’s fucking terrifying.

His energy and vigour were what charmed you, his upbeat enthusiasm that while volatile, was very contagious and encouraging. 

If only you had known what kind of disaster was laying low under the surface.

Akaashi had tried to warn you, but you simply never listened.

He pities you now, for you’re in the same boat as him.

Eternally putting up with his violent tempers and erratic nature, which you often get the brunt of behind closed doors, left to cover the scars with a scarf and cheap pot of concealer.

His moods switch as quick as the direction of the wind, a gust too strong that leaves you flying back like a ragdoll against the wall.

Or that may just be because he actually threw you in a fit of rage, itching to see your limp body crack against the drywall to soothe his rage. Drowning the voices in his head with the sound of your soothing whimpers filled with agony.

While he may beat you black and blue whenever the overflow of emotions take over, he still does ‘care’ for you in his own sickening way, and would never have any qualms snapping a neck or two if it prevented anyone else laying a finger on you.

Though to be honest it’s the furthest thing from care, it’s downright monopolisation of something he deems his object.

How dare they hurt his personal punching bag, don’t they know you’re his and his alone to mark up in any way he pleases?

To everyone else, he seems like a very loving and protective boyfriend who has the occasional mood swing. If only they could pick up on the flinching of your body when his voice raises even a decibel, or the way you retract in fear at the swatting of a hand too close to your face. 

The anxiety felt when in his presence is indescribable, your whole body will soon become accustomed to trembling in fear, your fight or flight kicking in at the mere mention of his name. His voice sends every hair standing on end, bracing for the impact that may or may never come from his grazed fists.

Treading on eggshells and analysing every word before you speak will become second nature, even the tone of your voice or the way you arrange a question will be heavily thought over before even daring to let it escape your mouth.

You just can’t risk it, even hearing a word he doesn’t like will result in the tectonic plates shifting, getting closer to his impending eruption.

Once you hear the rumbling, you’ll know it’s far too late to run. Burned by the raging lava and consumed whole in a flood of pain and misery, it will destroy everything in it’s wake, even you.

Tendou - The Jesters Despair

Danger level: 10/10

You really opened pandora’s box with this one.

And once you so much as cracked it for a peak, just that little inkling of curiosity, the lanky arm of a redhead yanked your wrist and dragged you in with him.

Tendou’s eccentric and offbeat disposition was something you had always admired, it was what made your heart flutter.

Now? That eccentricity is put to the most horrifying of uses.

Mind games, manipulation, and unpredictability beyond your worst nightmare.

Tendou is the type to sink a blade into your skin and cackle maniacally while you cry and plead for him to stop. Edging himself and eyeing you up greedily at the painful fear in your eyes, blood trickling down your skin with each incision.

He’ll pull your hair back and slide his tongue along the cuts, his lustful gaze boring into your own as the pooling saliva leaves a chilling feeling on your skin, nose wrinkled in disgust at the thought of his DNA entering your bloodstream.

He thrives on trickery and deception. He’s the type to say something incredibly warm and soft-centred, one that makes your pupils expand in newfound hope with the question of “...really?” rolling off your tongue. That inkling of hope sparking the thought that maybe, just maybe he’s changed. 

Only to burst into a fit of laughter at your naivety, teasing you relentlessly for how gullible and moronic he thinks you are. 

This yandere is incredibly incalculable. Here one minute, gone the next. Don’t even bother trying to figure out what he’s doing or where he is, you’ll never know. It keeps you on your toes in the most negative and unnerving sense of the expression, he gets a buzz off leaving you wondering, and takes great satisfaction in knowing you’re probably thinking about him.

 However, he expects you to be there whenever he needs you, regardless of circumstance. And if you’re not? You’ll have consequences to face.

I’m sorry to say, but there is no chance in hell you’re surviving this experience, there’s no doubt you’ll be murdered eventually. 

After all, he does get bored easily. Not so much as giving it a second thought on disposing of you once you are no longer a source of fresh entertainment for his sadistic desires.

With each passing day his treatment becomes increasingly brutal, searching for new ways to fulfil that empty feeling in his heart and cold, hollow look in his eyes. Don’t even bother trying to save him, not even he would know where to start.

Every night as you shut your eyes on the hardwood floor beside his bed, you can’t help but wonder if this is the last time you’ll ever close them.

And for your sake? You’d better hope it is.

Charming you with the humour of a Jester and putting on a show, he’ll make it certain every time you laugh, will be paid back with tears twofold. 

Kageyama - The Majesties Tyrant

Danger level: 7/10

Kneel before your highness or face his wrath. Kageyama Tobio is the most commanding of them all. Permanently trapped in his dictatorship with no hope of revolt. 

He doesn’t become set on things very often, but once he does it’s something he’ll never give up until he’s conquered it wholly.

Stubborn, moody, domineering and demanding. With just enough of a soft side he uses to persuade you back again. 

Fuelled by ego, pride, and a sense of superiority, he will never stop until he has your total obedience.

Being the dense man he is, this is usually achieved through simplistic means of intimidation and threats of aggression.

Kageyama will not hesitate to raise his fist and back you into a corner, cowering in recoil at his menacing aura that itches to do damage

You will do what he says, whenever he needs it, no if’s but’s or objections.

For such a hard headed ruler, he’s surprisingly childish and unsure about how to express anything other than abuse.

I think a part of him genuinely does like you, but it’s far too clouded by his toxic nature that it could never be seen as even slightly redeemable.

The most you’ll ever get out of Kageyama is the occasional hug, in which he squeezes you far to tight and resurfaces the pain of last nights bruises.

He doesn’t resort to physical violence often, as he is always reprimanded by the team to control his anger. If only they knew what he was like behind closed doors. I suppose you could credit it to Karasuno that he hasn’t accidentally killed you yet.

Yet.

When it comes to matters in the bedroom, he is focused solely on his own gratification, yours being a second thought he never so much as acknowledges.

Collared and threaded by  chain, you will crawl beside him and take it all until you’re gasping for air. The only thing he cares about is climaxing and leaving you with the cleanup.

He’s quite self conscious, so don’t expect much physical affection unless he’s chasing a particularly intense release.

Kageyama is highly jealous and frequently painted green with envy, so expect your social life to dwindle significantly once he has his hands on you, literally and metaphorically.

Thankfully, he won’t isolate you entirely, but it’s enough to leave you feeling segregated from the rest of the world. A lone member of his regime that you are forever trapped in with no chance of escape.

Bow down with a meek mutter of “Yes...master.” His crown will twinkle in the moonlight as a symbol of your everlasting enslavement.

The king of the court, and the ruler of your heart.

[djemsostylist]

Of Queens and Trash

Here’s the thing. SCK has been on a downward trend since 13. The breakup was long, getting together again was tiring, the amnesia plot was poorly handled and the mess that came following his recovery was, well, a mess. The necessary break for covid gave us a chance for a fresh start for Edser. All the bad stuff in the past, and a focus in the last episodes of them being able to finally fulfill all the promises they had not been able to. After all, this was a story that, at its core, was about two people who met and fell in love and who, no matter what, chose to be together. Invisible handcuffs. And with the return of the OG writer, it seemed we might finally get that. After 39 episodes of angst and only 7(?) of real togetherness, surely it was time? Forget the pain of the past, and start with Edser navigating their world together.

And then the trailer dropped. And all of a sudden, all the people who had spent months eviscerating Serkan for behaving badly in the 30s were celebrating this new plot, the “great angst” and Eda “being a Queen.”

For me, I can’t get over the hiding of the child. It's a hardline deal breaker. I don’t think it matters who writes it, I think it's an awful plotline. No matter how "good" the trailer looks or moments seem, I will remember that I was watching a show about two people who loved each other and never wanted to be apart, about a man who learned how to open his heart, and this ruined it all.

Now, I think it's worth noting that my hard line, in this particular case, is in response to Edser, if that makes sense. I’m not hardline, “if this is in a story I’m not watching”. If it works for the characters and story because that is the type of story being told, then fine.

I don't subscribe to the woke feminism brand of "all women are Queens and all men are Trash" which seems to be a trend of late (and not just in fandom). I think people are people and people are generally imperfect but also trying. I don’t think women, simply by virtue of carrying a child, get full say in what happens to the child, regardless of the father’s wishes. I'm not fond of a “hiding a kid storyline”, and while I get the whole "my body my choice" style of arguing, it took two people to make the baby. Two people get a say in what happens. I get you are growing the kid, but you didn't spontaneously conceive.

For me, Edser being apart and/or hiding a kid is a hardline. It doesn't fit with the characters as I know them and it doesn't fit with the storyline. And look--I hated the amnesia plot. I thought there were a literal million ways this could have been done better, but it's what we got. So for everyone suddenly defending this new plot, despite it making about as much sense as Eda getting married to make Serkan remember her, then that means everything goes. No blaming writers or ignoring canon...everything has context and meaning now. And since “it's realistic” is also a common refrain, then fine. Let’s go realistic.

Imagine being in a plane crash. You wake up, you have clear physical/mental blocks. For someone who likes to be in control, that's terrifying. You have a ring on your finger with a woman's name you don't know, and an entire year missing. You call the one person you know will come (since your parents and friends are useless) and she comes and tells you a story that jives. You can't remember shit and you keep getting flashes and your hands won't work, so you take what she tells you, because why would you have any reason to doubt? It’s not like you can remember anyway, and trying to remember hurts.

You finally go back home, and you recognize nothing about your own life. Friends, family...everything is different. Your mom is out, your dad is gone, your best friends are married. You don't even live in the same house, you have people working in your company you don’t know--even your dog is gone. And then you have a hysterical woman throwing pictures in your face of a man you don't recognize and your brain is still foggy and all your friends and family seem to be shrugging their shoulders at you.

You're terrified and alone and all you get is some vagueness about an epic love story and too much emotion and all you want to do is hide. From everything. Plus your heart is doing this thing every time the girl is near and you think you might be dying maybe and remember how your brother died?

So, the girl kisses you, you literally feel like you might be dying, and it's like naw. Fuck this. I'm getting back an ounce of control. So you propose to Selin. I mean you don’t love her and you barely want her but at least she is the same. At least she hasn’t changed, and at least she doesn’t stare at you with the weight of a million expectations that everyone else does. At least she doesn’t look at you and hope to see a man you can’t ever remember being.

But then the girl everyone claims is your soulmate is suddenly engaged to another man, and spends every moment after that claiming she hates you, she is over you, she is better off/happier without you, doesn't need you.

So it's like, okay, what is the truth. Your brain isn't helping, your friends aren't helping, she isn't helping. So you lash out, you close off, because really, what else is left. Your life isn’t your life, your mind isn’t your mind, you can’t even figure out what’s real and what isn’t. And she’s getting married and you want to die but she’s getting married and surely if she loved you she wouldn’t be doing this?

And then you get your memories back. Finally. Everything comes flooding back ,and it's a lot. You cope in shitty ways, you don't respond well, etc. You’ve returned from the dead twice, and everything feels just slightly off, but maybe you can make this work. At least you have her. After a few days, you’re feeling like your old self. You've got your memories, your girl, the possibility of the future you had snatched twice, and then BOOM. She rejects you, out of nowhere.

Won't talk, won't communicate, you have no idea what the fuck is happening. She’s crying and sad but also not leaving but also not staying and your brain can’t quite work things out but all you can do is promise that you love her, only her, always her, forever. Surely she must know that by now, right?

And then she tells you about the baby. You can't remember the sex of course, but then you find out it probably happened while your brain was fucked, and you barely have time to process this before oh yeah the love of your life is leaving you bc she would rather you raise a baby with your rapist. And suddenly you might be dying, again.

But you stop her. You stop her and even though she says she didn’t come back for you, why else would she have stayed? So, you finally get her back, she tattoos you on her finger and maybe just maybe everything will be fine when BOOM. Cancer. You aren't even over the other shit, and you have a fucking tumor. You are 30 years old, you've survived a plane crash, amnesia, and now you have a tumor. How many times can a person die?

And so you don’t cope well. You withdraw, you back away. Your brother died when he was young, you know what that does to a person. You know what it did to your family. You have this fear that curls around your heart that says “but what if she becomes my mother.” And she goes. She leaves and she takes your heart and your child (that you don’t even know about) and it’s like...fuck. Again. Because everyone leaves you, eventually. And somehow, it’s always your fault.

So, what I'm saying is, Eda endured a lot, sure. She was hurt. Their breakup in 14 was hard and I’m not denying that (although there is another post I could write about how since Eda never actually uses her words to tell him how she feels he can, perhaps, be understood in assuming that breaking up after barely being together would hurt but also that she would move on and live her life happily without him. Which I guess season 2 proves…) Losing Serkan to an accident/amnesia was hard, looking at the body of the man she loves but not seeing the man she loves must have been agony. But Serkan was fucking wrecked. So instead of choosing to write a plot where they both get to heal, where they both get to explore their pain and work through it together, we get Serkan who reverted to being a robot to cope with massive trauma and PTSD, and essentially is abandoned by everyone, again.

I guess what I'm saying is, if staying with him and supporting him when he was dealing with trauma was too much for her, then fine.That is very true for some people, and it’s certainly realistic. But I don't really think that jives with Eda and her character, and while it isn't a trauma competition, I'd still think Serkan comes out a winner here. Eda lost her parents, which was awful. She lost him, but she got him back. Twice. His trauma is losing his brother, being abandoned by his parents, a plane crash, amnesia, emotional manipulation/abuse and cancer. And then he gets punished by having his daughter taken away from him because he was having a hard time coping. Keeping a kid a secret isn't "protecting the child" it's punishing the father.

Tl;dr The direction they have taken the characters is gross for both mains, but if people are trying to justify Eda keeping his child from him because “he deserves it” or “she did what was best for her” then I think we maybe haven’t been watching the same show. Even if he said “I don’t want kids,” saying that to a hypothetical child is very different then being told “a baby is very much our reality.” Because that's the crux right? It's not that he decided he just didn't want to be a father ever, he's scared of having a family and losing them or of them losing him. And then she made that very fear be realized. Which is tragic and quite the opposite of what his life partner needed to do in that situation.

Bitte.

Thanks to @lolo-deli for the proofread and the final lines, you are the best. And for putting up with my uncontrollable ranting about this for days.

[kickingitwithkirk]

Greetings From Austin

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.

Word Count: 2616

Warnings: a/b/o, homophobia, bisexuality, biphobia, angst, cursing, self doubt, depression/anxiety, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility

*additional warnings to be added in future parts.

A/N: Here we go again with one my weird as hell dreams, series Inspired by this art.

A/N II: There is no intentional hate or malevolence intended towards any of the Ackles or Padalecki families. This is a purely fictional piece containing real and created persons/names/events set in the fictional A/B/O verse. Some dates/events altered to fit story.

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

*divider by @writeyourmindaway​​​​​​​

*images found online

Prologue

Austin, TX

Mid July

“Babe,” Jensen softly says in a low voice to the person seated next to him in the waiting room, “Babe,” he says a bit louder, still getting no response. Leaning close, he blows into their ear.

Jared starts, his “what” muffled by the finger he’s been chewing on.

“You know you can’t do that, don’t want you getting sick.” Taking his hand Jensen pulls it away from his pretty pink lips, gently caressing the finger. Jared had finally stopped chewing on his hands when Covid-19 became widespread.

“Where’s your gum?” Jared bite his lip not answering.

Sighing, Jensen shifts retrieving his pack and hands a piece to him. “What’s got you masticating again?” He inquires as Jared pops the stick in his mouth.

Jared chews the gum nervously weighing how to answer the question knowing Jensen won’t accept anything less than the whole truth. “What if something goes wrong again because of me.”

Jensen’s brow furrowed. He learned years ago that while their relationship is one of equals, he had to be lead Alpha when Jared’s mental state overwhelmed him as it had the last few weeks.

***

After the public announcement in March 2019 that season fifteen would be Supernaturals last, they had agreed when finished with the pickups they would take an extended break, return to Austin and concentrate on their marriage.

Jared intended to stop acting indefinitely, pursuing other interests and Jensen wanted to concentrate on his music.

Of course, things didn’t quite end up how they planned.

Jared entered negotiations to star in the Walker, Texas Ranger reboot, along with being an executive producer. Jensen got a call from Kripke wanting him for the role of Soldier Boy in The Boys third season.

But by March of 2020, everything came to a halt thanks to the Corona-virus.

The shutdowns left Supernaturals final two episodes with no definitive filming date and their seemingly never ending last season put their other projects on hold.

For the first time in years they had the luxury of a leisurely schedule, not having to be somewhere on a timetable, they could communicate with friends and family uninterrupted, deal with their other businesses, charities, etc, leaving most days free to enjoy being together without constraint.

But even amazing, awesome, vigorous sex on every horizontal/vertical surface that could support the two big Alphas only filled so many hours and like many couples, they started getting each others nerves and looked for other ways to stay occupied.

By late May, Jared was unable to sleep or eat, even going out of the house became a chore. When he hit a consecutive fourth day in bed, Jensen bodily dragged him into the bath for a desperately needed shower and loaded him in his truck driving to his doctor's.

Upon checking in they were told patients only allowed in the facility. Jared started panicking, saying he was having chest pains and couldn’t breath. He was rushed in with Jensen hot on their heels after morphing into an overprotective Alpha mate no one was stopping.

Jared’s doctor deduced with the lock-downs prohibiting him from his routine checkups and periodic adjustments needed to his medications triggered this episode.

The first step was to wean him off his current prescriptions and change to a newly approved, alternative regime. He was checked in a facility for ten days under observation while detoxing off his meds.

His therapist switched his twice weekly tele-counseling sessions to daily for the foreseeable future and Kodas certification as an emotional support animal was approved. His progress was slow but he was returning back to his sweet natured, big hearted, exceptionally tactical, overgrown puppy self.

When the surprise call from the clinic came a few days ago about an appointment opening, Jensen initially didn’t want it, still in his overly excessive protective Alpha mode. Jared’s outburst made him relent, fearing they were on a collision course for a major setback if he didn’t.

And Jensen, being Jensen, went overboard to ensure the appointment was absolutely private.

Part I

Jared was about to speak when a woman in scrubs called out, “Mr. Bonham and Mr. Page.” they got up crossing over to her, “Hello, I’m Sissy, Dr. Rodgers nurse, please follow me.”

They pass through the doorway leading through a maze of halls like that of any other medical clinic except this one specialized in a very specific service.

The nurse opens a door near the back of the clinic gesturing for them to enter the spacious office, “Please have a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly.” She closed the door and they sat down in the pair of chairs directly in front of the large, dark mahogany desk.

Jensen, scenting Jared’s nervousness, lifts his right hand kissing his palm, making him chuckle at the tickle of Jen’s soft beard before twining their fingers together and setting them on his left thigh, smiling reassuringly.

There was a brief knock before the door opened and an older, silver haired Beta entered. “Hello, I’m Dr. Rodgers, how are we doing today?” He asks, moving to his chair behind the desk.

Jared gave him a tight smile and Jensen remained placid.

The doctor raises an eyebrow, “Relax Mr. Page, this is just a visit to go over the paperwork before deciding about how we proceed, not the Spanish Inquisition.” Jared releases his held breath but couldn’t completely calm himself.

“I know the process can be overwhelming but I must ask, is there something we’ve done to make you uncomfortable?” Dr. Rodgers inquires.

“No, everyone’s been really nice, very professional. It’s just we..we had issues the first time we attempted to do this.” Jared finished his sentence quietly, in the recess of his mind; something bad is gonna happen and it’ll be my fault.

Jensen squeezes his hand tighter, instinctively sensing Jared’s mind was trying to spiral again, “When tried this before someone leaked our plans to the media. It wasn't ever proven the clinic was involved but...”

“We do everything possible to keep our clients anonymity protected here. All of our staff have been thoroughly vetted and sign NDA, given your professions, you're familiar with how they work. Your real identities will remain completely confidential, even if you choose to not proceed. It is why you chose this particular clinic, yes?”

“Yes, it is.” Jensen replied.

“How about we get this bit of paperwork out of the way, then we can have a more relaxed visit. I’ve gone over the applications you both submitted and have noted a few discrepancies in the medical section that need clarification before we proceed,” He opens the top file, “Mr. Bonham, why did you omit Genu Varum from your medical history?”

Jensen kept his expression neutral as he felt his stomach automatically clench. He had been mercilessly teased throughout his childhood about his bowed legs by his older brother Josh and later his buddies from school when they’d come over to hang out. By the time he was in high school Jensen’s extraordinary looks and personality were what got people’s attention first. Nowadays, many a fanfic waxed poetic about those bowed legs.

“The questionnaire inquired about inherited genetic medical conditions and since mine isn’t, I didn’t think it was necessarily applicable.” Jared hears an edge creeping into Jensen’s voice and gives their tangled fingers a quick squeeze.

“Did you see an orthopedist and were they able to determine what caused the condition? Did they suggest any surgical procedures or therapies to straighten your legs?”

“I was born a preemie, the orthopedists my parents consulted decided my condition was attributable to that.” Jensen replies tersely, dropping his vocal range. Jared gripped his hand harder, telling him to cool the attitude. “The doctor didn’t recommend surgery but sent me to physical therapy, thought it would help them straighten as I grew.”

“So no others in your immediate family have this issue?”

“Everyone my family has straight legs, including my three children.”

Jared piped in, “He hates it but he does have an exercise regimen; stretching, strength training. Oh, he also takes several different vitamins, omega oils, turmeric and extra vitamin D to support his joints.” They watched the doctor scribble a few more notes in the file before closing it.

“Mr. Page,” Jared sits up straighter in his chair, “I appreciate that you went into detail about your mental health status. I see you’ve recently been hospitalized, your medications have been changed to an alternative regiment and you’ve also increased your therapy sessions?”

Jared’s interview continued for another twenty minutes as Dr. Rodgers questioned him in depth about his depression and anxiety, feeling said anxiety ratcheting up so he focused on Jensen’s thumb rhythmically moving over his hand and used every ounce of his acting skills to appear confident and in control.

Dr. Rodgers closed his file, “I only have a few general questions left then we can discuss how you wish to proceed.”

After a more relaxed, genial conversation with the doctor, Sissy took them to a couple private rooms with paraphernalia to help stimulate them into producing a couple semen samples.

Jensen was getting close to finishing with his favorite spank-bank fantasy when he felt Jared’s frustration across their bond.

~~~

Jared couldn’t get aroused.

He felt as useless as his flaccid cock.

His doctor warned him that loss of sex drive could be a possible side effect of his new regiment until his body adjusted to it. He had struggled with temporary impotence a few times on his old meds, always fearful Jensen would finally see him as undesirable, no longer a satisfactory mate.

Rationally, he knew it was his illness causing these exceptionally hard to deal thoughts recently and the nagging idea this wasn’t the right thing for them to attempt again continually kept creeping in.

Jensen’s unspoken reluctance about having more children at his age was also weighing on his conscience, warring against his own biological longings.

They had a humongous argument when he told Jensen about taking the appointment. Jen thought this was the wrong time to attempt it again, pointing out he was just getting his equilibrium back setting Jared went off on a rant about how he no longer wanted him and would leave him like Genevieve had because he was too broken to deal with anymore.

Unmitigated anguish was written across Jensen’s beautiful features, the very notion that Jared could conceivably believe that he’d ever abandon him made his soul hurt in such a way no verbal language on earth could ever express his devastated feelings traveling across their bond.

***

Everything they’d been through; from that bar fight solidifying their friendship, Jared’s first breakdown, the years of living as roommates while secretly a couple to finding wives who understood their unique relationship and still married them both in 2010.

The joyous arrival of JJ three years later that unfortunately exacerbated Genevieve's frustration of not being able to conceive coming out with a vengeance at Jared. His unexpected breakdown in Switzerland was the final nail in their marriage. Gen was there for him but in the end it was all too much and she filed for divorce.

Shortly after, Jared’s iCloud account was hacked. It was believed, but never conclusively proven, that Gen was behind it since her lawyer was trying to break their prenuptial agreement, the videos documenting his private and explicit sexual relationship with Jensen were legally considered adulterous. In the end, the court upheld the legal document but the ramifications...

They were summoned to L.A. for the meeting from hell with WB executives, both convinced it was the end of Supernatural and their careers.

After the reaming out, they each received a weeks pay suspension to cover some of what it was gonna cost PR in time and money to deal with the inevitable repercussions and placate the show's sponsors.

How would the show’s fans react? Would they still be able to accept them as brothers only on TV while in real life they were involved in a highly stigmatized relationship?

When they returned to work there was an atmosphere of tension that hadn’t existed before. It was an open secret that all shows had their share of bitchiness and backstabbing behind the scenes. Jensen may have the thicker skin, keeping tighter control on his emotions, but Jared knew it hurt him just as deeply the loss of some of their friends because of prejudicial, social beliefs that two Alpha males shouldn’t be involved.

Jensen’s parents showed up unexpectedly in Vancouver a few weeks later. What started out as a not quite comfortable visit quickly deteriorated with his religiously conservative parents. They had not raised him like this and blamed Jared, saying he had corrupted him, leading him into a sinful lifestyle. He needed to repent and return to his wife to whom he had made a commitment before god.

Jensen blew up, replying it was none of their business, it was between them and oh, yeah, Danneel knew about them before marrying him and they better not say anything to her. Without another word his parents left. When he later called them to make amends, his mother coolly stated that he was no longer part of their family and to never contact them again.

Three months after the twins were born in 2016 came the finalization of Jensen’s divorce from Danneel, painful but congenial. They easily agreed on joint custody and still spent most holidays together. Jensen gave Dani financial security in their settlement, he wanted to make sure she didn’t have to worry about working again unless she wanted to.

All these years later, Jared continually has nagging thoughts that they had let everybody down. They received support when they publicly came out as bisexual then lost some of it when they married, being mocked for not coming out as gay.

***

There was another knock at the door and Jared ignored it, it was that nurse checking on his lack of progress again. The knock turned into pounding, “Jared, open this door now dammit!” He flinched realizing Jensen knew what was going on with him. Releasing the privacy latch and opening the door a crack he saw concerned green eyes only.

“Sorry, I thought you were that nurse,” he stepped away and sat back down as Jensen came in and re-latching it behind him. “She came to get me when you stopped answering,” Jensen said, walking over to him and started running his thick fingers through his husband’s long hair, “what’s going on babe?”

He glances up knowing that Jensen already knew, “It’s okay Jay, take as long as you need.” He paused at the unpleasant scent wafting around him. “If you’d be more comfortable we could do this at home…” Jared shakes his head, “There’s the risk of damage, contamination and or not able to get it back in time that could make the semen unusable.” Jared quotes from a website.

Jensen softly chuckled, “Nerd.”

Jared notices the bulge in his jeans, “You didn’t...”

“Drain the snake..choke the chicken..spank the monkey.”

“Fuck, okay, you didn’t! Stop using old man slang.” He shook his head smiling  at Jensen intentionally goading him.

Jared reached up for the hand playing in his hair, grasping it to draw Jensen down next to him.

“Jack, I don’t want to wait any longer on doing this. I love JJ and the twins, you know I do, but they'll always be yours and Danneels. I know the timing could be better... but I'm almost thirty-eight and I want my..our own pups running around the house driving us crazy.”

“For the next eighteen years?”

“Minimum.”

tbc

Part II

SPN: @donnaintx​​​​​​​​​​​​ @lyarr24

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest

Sam/Jared @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

[charlie-boio]

The Only One For Me Part One

Summary: Everyone gets assigned a magical allegiance once they turn 16: Healers, Electrics, Shifters, and Darks, who were more often referred to as Voids. Once you reach 25, you no longer age until you meet soulmate.

After being outcasted by the world so long ago, Stiles Stilinski gave up on ever subjecting his soulmate to being with a Dark and decided that if the world would only ever treat him like it, he’ll be exactly what they wanted him to be: Void.

Word Count: 6,312

A/N: So, I really like this idea. Also I meant for this to be like a 5,000 word fic but it’s gonna be longer and this is now a two part fic because I procrastinated too hard and now my family is yelling at me to spend time with them. I’m sorry it took me awhile to write again lol I just needed to sit down and write. Anyways this is for @writingsbychlo Void Month, even though it’s the last day for it. This was a little bit inspired by her Stone Walls story because I love magic and the Billie Eilish song COPYCAT. I’ll try tagging those but I’m super new to posting new content so I have no idea how to do it lmao but I’ll give it a shot because y’all should check it out 😊 anyways I hope you enjoy this!!

Warnings: angst, smut but nothing too outrageous but it probably qualifies as rough smut, violence, blood, attempts at self-harm, mentions of suicide, I feel like I’m missing stuff so if I miss something and it triggers you I am so so sorry

I would also classify this as NSFW so read at your discretion.

  If you had known him back then, you wouldn’t believe that this dark, twisted, and fucked up man was that same bright and smiling boy before.

Stiles Stilinski was always a happy kid, and despite his awkwardness, people were naturally drawn to him. Sure, he had a biting, sarcastic sense of humor, but he was kind, sweet, and he cared for other people more than he cared for himself. He had loving parents, dozens of friends, and a welcoming home. His future, safe to say, was bright.

He was so excited to find out was his magical allegiance was; several friends had gotten it already and were unabashed in flaunting their powers about. He hoped he would be an Electric, wielding electricity through his fingers like the superheroes he always grew up idolizing was a dream come true. Of course, he’d be happy with being a Healer or a Shifter too.

Stiles couldn’t wait to meet his soulmate either. He already had gift ideas, dates planned, and he couldn’t wait to introduce them to all his friends, his family, and especially his mom. He wanted to travel the world with them, and he promised his unknown soulmate that he would protect them from anything that could ever harm them. He also didn’t see why he couldn’t get a head-start on gift making and love letters. After all, if they were his soulmate, they would be just as eager about all this soulmate stuff as he was.

Stiles didn’t know much about Darks, more commonly known as Voids. He just knew that they were extremely rare, and pretty much pure evil. There was only one thing anyone ever told him: stay far away from Voids.

Of course, you could imagine the absolute dread he felt when he found out what his magical allegiance was.

His parents, albeit afraid, still loved him and tried their best to reassure him, but they couldn’t stop his tears as he fled to his room, sobbing uncontrollably. He hoped with all his might that he would be different, that his friends would still love him, that he would still be able to do all the things he so desperately had wanted to do with his life.

You couldn’t imagine his grief on how wrong he had been.

It wasn’t subtle, it was instantaneous the change. Everyone turned against him: friends, teachers, even strangers he used to smile at from the sidewalk. He racked up two weeks’ worth of detention for things no one got detention for, and he had sat alone at the lunch table. The weeks flew by of him begging for people to understand he wasn’t any different! He hadn’t changed! He even pledged to never learn or master his powers, whatever they were, but it never made a difference. They all abandoned him, simply for something he had no control over, and that he would take back if he could.

It continued like this for two years, and slowly the outside world began to drain away the once happy boy. Day by day the light in his eyes dulled, he walked slower, and he grew quiet. He became a shell, empty of everything he once was. One day he looked through his drawer, seeing all his plans that he had made with his soulmate. How could he even have one? With the way the world was, even if he did have one, why would he ever subject them to a life with a Void? What kind of monster would do that?

He couldn’t bring himself to throw away those plans though. Despite his resolve to never meet his soulmate, somewhere deep down, he still wanted them to love him as much as he loved them already.

His parents will still supportive, seeing how it was the outside world changing him, not his supposed evil and vicious powers. They consoled him when it was a particular hard day and showed him every ounce of love and affection that they could. Stiles was forever grateful.

Which is why it only hurt even more when he had walked home from school and saw his house engulfed in flames.

He didn’t think much of the threats, they happened all the time since he was 16…he never thought anyone would act on it…h

The tears came fast before he could stop them. A sharp pain shot through his heart and flowed through his body as he fell to his knees. Even if they were alive, there’s no way in hell that anyone would come help him, a Dark…a Void…even though his parents were both Healers. They hadn’t done anything wrong…they had only loved him despite everything.

He stood shakily and ran. Ran away from everything. From his childhood home, from the town he grew up in, and from the house that was completely engulfed in flames. Stiles ran into the woods, limbs shaking while he collapsed again, resting against a tree, his head in the palms of his hands.

For the first time he no longer felt empty, he felt angry. How dare they? How they accuse him of being evil when he had nothing wrong all his life? Why kill his parents, the only people who ever truly loved him and were his one chance of being happy? The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. He snapped.

Fine, he thought. You all win, if you want me to be Void…I’ll be Void…

He stood up while rolling his neck, feeling the bones crack. He flexed his shoulders and raise up his palm, about to do something that he had never attempted. Stiles panicked for a second, then a burst of energy blasted him back, throwing him against a tree a hundred feet away. He groaned in pain and frantically looked around, wondering what had caused that. Then he realized…it was him!

Stiles realized everyone wasn’t afraid of him because he was evil, it was because everyone knew that he would be powerful.

He stood up and tried again, and dark spiraling lines flew from his hands and up into the sky. He still stumbled but held his footing. He laughed, enjoying the power flowing through his veins. He smirked, closing his fist.

Stiles turned back to the town, feeling something for the first time in a few years. He knew exactly what he had to do

*

*

  You were nervous, to say the least. She took deep breaths while walking up to the gated community of the Voids.

Everyone knew the story from 20 years ago, how Stiles Stilinski took up the name Void for himself and single-handedly drove everyone out of his hometown. Miraclously, nobody died, but plenty were maimed. He threatened anyone who would come to try to take back his town, and nobody needed to be told twice. From the around the world, Darks had come to this place seeking refuge from the outside world. Since this incident, Stiles Stilinski was known to the rest of the world and the true Void, and they all referred to him as such. The world hated him; he was everything parents warned their children about at night. He was the boogeyman, made of pure evil.

Except to the Darks. They worshipped him as their savoir, someone who saved them and gave them a place to live out in the open instead of casted out into the deepest darkest corners of the world. Many had even found their soulmates, after centuries of being alone.

Some people had also taken refuge here, even though they weren’t a Dark. Well there had been some tension, people in this town had learned that they all really weren’t any different from each other, and they all live in peace together, even if the rest of the world is divided.

Although, there have been new safe havens that have formed in these past 20 years, Stiles was the first to revolt back.

Which is why you were nervous because when you had decided to leave your parents who thought cruelly of Darks, you hadn’t expected to come across the original safe haven. Even though they had accepted others, you still felt a pool of dread hitting your stomach. Darks were weary of others for a reason…

As you approached the large gate, it opened partly, allowing someone from the community to walk out. You could make out his tanned skin and crooked jaw; reading his energy, you knew instantly he was a Void, which only made you more nervous. What if they don’t accept me?

He stopped in front of you but kept a good distance. He cocked his head to the side. “What are you doing here?” he asked cautiously.

“I-I need a place to stay”

“What? As a vacation?” You flinched automatically, feeling worse with every passing minute. If you couldn’t come here, where the fuck would you go?

“No…to live. I ran from home because they had driven out all the other Voids, and I didn’t agree with how the felt. A lot of my friends were Voids…they were good people,” You tried your best to seem confident, but your voice wavered. The boy stared coolly at you, not buying your story.

“How come you’re so damn nervous then?” he asked, malice dripping from his voice.

“Because…if you guys don’t want me here, which I understand, then no one will,” his eyes instantly softened at your words, nodding in the direction of the gate.

“Follow me,”

Relief instantly flooded your chest, a small smile creeping on your lips as you followed the boy. Together, you walked through the gates as they shut behind you, signaling the end of that chapter of your life. You could scream from the joy, but kept quiet, choosing to instead go up to the boy leading you around.

“Um…what’s your name?” you asked tentatively.

He turned to you, smiling slightly. “You don’t have to be nervous anymore, we won’t randomly throw you out. Promise,” he held out his hand to you, “and my name is Scott. Scott McCall. My mom and I moved here after my dad found out I was a Dark.”

“Oh…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve learned through the years that the ones that truly care about you don’t care what your magical allegiance is. They just care about who you are…” he trails off, smiling to himself. He’s probably thinking of his soulmate, you thought to yourself. You wished more than anything to meet your soulmate.

“I’m y/n y/l/n,” you stated, snapping Scott out of his thoughts for a brief moment. He nodded to her, acknowledging the name. They walked in silence for a brief moment before he was giving her a tour of the town, telling her which houses were available and who lived where. You were amazed on how well people have acclimated here. You were hopeful for your future. After walking around town for a little while longer, you two settled into silence as you moved into another part of town. “So, who are they?”

Scott crooked an eyebrow. “Who?”

You smiled knowingly. “Your soulmate. You were thinking of them after talking about your dad.”

He smiled brighter at you; a light dusting of pink covered his cheeks. “Allison. Her situation was similar to yours, her parents didn’t approve of Voids,” his jaw ticked slightly. “But she didn’t feel the same way. We met here, and as soon as we made eye contact, we knew. Unfortunately, we were in town meeting that still had at least another hour…”

You laughed loudly at that. Of course you knew about how once you and your soulmate discovered each other, the sexual attraction between you two is remarkably high, to the point that you guys pretty much spend the day trying to satisfy your sexual needs. The longer you put it off, the stronger it gets. The thought of even surviving an hour seemed impossible to you.

He grinned sheepishly at you, the tension from earlier long gone. “Her dad eventually came around, and they reconciled. They live down that way now,” he nodded his head toward a winding road. “And I live a few blocks from them. We’ve decided to take things a little slow, considering we were 18 when we met, so we figured we had all the time in the world to settle down.” You nodded at his words, genuinely happy for you. “Have you met yours yet?”

Your shoulders slumped. “No, not yet. Hopefully soon though. Maybe I’ll met them here,” You wanted more than anything to meet your soulmate. It was something you’ve dreamed about ever since you’ve heard of having one. You only hoped that they would be just as excited to meet you. “I had a boyfriend back home, but looking back now, I’ve realized he was rather abusive. He also hated Darks with a passion, and tried to forbid me from fraternizing with them”

“What was he, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“A shifter, I’m-“

“A healer. I know,” He smiled at you. “Do you give health or take away?”

You paused before answering, “…take away. Another reason for leaving…” Scott merely nodded, not pressing the subject further.

The two of you turned a corner to see a lone house on top of a hill. It was smaller than the other houses in this town, and looked to be uninvited to the rest of the community. You turned to Scott. “Who lives up there?”

Scott looked up toward the house, and for a second you thought you saw a flicker of sadness in his eyes, but it was gone as fast as it came. “That’s…Stiles…Stiles Stilinski.”

Your eyes widened. “He’s still here? He’s not dead? No one’s seen him…”

Scott laughed humorlessly at that. “Well, he’s had it pretty rough, even for a Void. He doesn’t come into town often, and when he does, he usually keeps to himself. Even though it’s a safe haven, he’s still distrusts everyone. Of course, he sure as hell doesn’t step foot outside those gates,” You looked up at the house, feeling such sorrow for this Stiles, despite having never met him before.

Scott cleared his throat. “You’ll definitely see him around, but don’t expect him to say hi or anything,” You nodded, walking back up the path toward some of the open houses.

*

*

  Stiles held out his hand to the baby doe, some bread being offered to the nervous creature. It took a tentative step forward, sniffing the air. He crouched down even lower, and extended his arm a little further for them. Slowly, the doe started to walk toward him.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, holding out his hand even further. Eventually, it reached his hand and ate the bread from his palm. He tipped his head and smiled slightly at the baby.

Suddenly, the doe’s eyes widened, and it sprinted away from him. Stiles knelt there still, his face falling, before he heard the sound of footsteps behind him and he grew annoyed.

“What do you want, Scott?”

Scott rolled his eyes. “I know you like me, Stiles, you wouldn’t have let me come up this far otherwise.”

“What do you want?”

“Relax, it’s not another attempt to drag you downtown,” Scott sighed, bringing a hand up to rub at his jaw. “I’m just here to tell you there’s a new member in our community.”

Stiles turned to him scowling. “I’m not the mayor, I don’t need to know that shit.”

“Well, the mayor thinks you do; he considers you at least the owner of this town.”

“I don’t collect rent.”

“You know what I mean,” Scott said. Stiles stood up and brushed past him, walking into the house. To his dismay, Scott followed him. “Her name’s y/n y/l/n. She’s not a Dark, but she believes they deserve equal treatment like the others here so she left her town and family. She’s a Healer, but she takes away health instead of giving it.” Scott paused, waiting for his reaction. When Stiles didn’t give one, Scott moved toward the door.

He don’t what came over him, but suddenly his mouth was moving without him telling it to, “Where does she live?”

Scott stopped, turning abruptly toward him. Stiles tried to maintain his composure; he knew this was something he never asked. Scott gave him an odd look before answering, “She lives on Milton Road, not far from Allison and I.” Stiles nodded. When he didn’t say anything else, Scott left him to be on his own. Despite the cool interaction, Scott smiled to himself. He had a feeling, but he wouldn’t say anything. He knew how badly Stiles had been burned, and he wouldn’t want to get his hopes up for nothing. Scott realized he wasn’t even sure if Stiles wanted his soulmate around. Scott shook his head and started the route back to his home.

Meanwhile, Stiles frantically walked through his house up to the single guest bedroom, not that he had any guests. The room was void of everything, except from a bed and a desk with a single drawer. He walked shakily up to the desk and opened the drawer. Inside were the plans, ideas, and letters he had written to his soulmate years ago. He wasn’t sure why he’d kept them; he wasn’t ever gonna find his soulmate if they weren’t dead already. But he couldn’t will himself to throw them out. It was the only thing keeping him from losing himself completely to his new persona of Void. He wanted to spite the world for as long as he could, and for some reason these letters helped.

Stiles slammed the drawer shut and stormed away.

*

*

  You had acclimated well with everyone here. You quickly became friends with Allison, which in turn had you become friends with Scott as well. They ended up introducing you Lydia, Malia, and Derek as well. You made some of your own friends as well, feeling the happiest you had since before finding out your magical allegiance at 16.

Slowly, you had began to gain more confidence in yourself too, figuring out what you want versus what you didn’t want. You weren’t sure what you wanted out of your life yet, but the happier you became here with your friends, the more you longed for someone to share your life with. You hoped with every new person you met that they would be the one, but every time you were deeply disappointed.

You remember clearly the first day you saw Stiles himself. You had decided to get some ice cream with Scott, Allison, and Lydia, who were all laughing loudly at the fact that you were a virgin after each of them had talked about who was their first.

“Seriously? Not once? Not even drunk?” Lydia asked through her giggles. Scott and Allison were still laughing furiously.

Your blush grew even deeper. “No,” you said firmly.

“I thought you said you had a boyfriend?” Scott asked after finally calming down.

“I did…Adam wanted to as well. ‘For practice’ as he would say, and I know people have that mindset to be good in bed for their soulmate, but I always thought that I was betraying them if I did that. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, even drunk” you finished, more embarrassed than ever. Everyone at home thought that your mindset was stupid, and told you so, but when you looked at your friends, they were smiling, saying how they understood your mindset. You smiled to yourself, wondering how you could ever doubt their intentions.

When you looked up, that’s when you saw him.

He was walking by himself, moving slowly across the street. While his stride and shoulders gave the illusion of confidence to anyone who was merely glancing by, the way his head dipped low and forlorn face gave away his insecurity in himself. Many people waved brightly at him, happy to see him about for the first time. Being polite, he would nod and give a small smile, but nothing more.

You couldn’t help but stare. The way his jeans fit his legs, or his black leather jacket with a black shirt clung to him in all the right ways. You were expecting someone with gusto, someone like Adam who bullied their way around with their strength and loud voice. You weren’t expecting him to be the skinny kid who could barely say hello.

“Who’s that…?” you whispered.

Scott turned his head, his smile instantly fading. “That’s Stiles,” He gave you a knowing look.

“Is he always alone?”

“Sometimes he joins Scott for a walk, or will have dinner with us. He won’t say much though, and Derek will forever boost on how he got him to crack a smile at one of his jokes,” Lydia said, flicking her long hair back and taking a sip of her milkshake. “Scott makes it a point to visit him though and tell him what we’re up to, at least once a week.”

You looked down at your ice cream, feeling your heart break at the fact that he was so scarred from the world that he felt like he had to be alone.

By the time you looked up again, Stiles was gone.

 Stiles had seen you too. Scott had mentioned to him that he was getting ice cream with Allison today and he was feeling up for sitting with his friends, even if they never considered him to be one. However, he wasn’t expected you to be there either. You and Lydia must’ve been invited sometime after Scott’s visit. He stopped in his tracks and stared at you, enthralled in your beauty. All the confidence he had earlier in seeing his friends completely vanished, and he quickly turned his heel and bolted back up to his home. Once there, he slammed the door shut and leaned against it, taking quick breaths to calm his racing heart.

*

*

  Scott had told him plenty about you, and the more Scott talked, the more Stiles wanted to see you for yourself. You had seemed too good to be true. You were smart, funny, kindhearted, not to mention beautiful, and you seemed to get along well with all of his other friends. You had a troubled past like him, but you had seemed to grow from it instead of drowning in it like Stiles had

Scott had also told you about Stiles, with what little he knew. You knew nothing of his past, but you knew he wasn’t the cold-blooded creature that you had learned about in school. He was extremely polite, however little things could set him off sometimes, and he didn’t really speak. You figured he had crawled instead his shell after whatever had happened to him, and you were determined to find the real Stiles, wherever he was.

However, you two seemed to always miss each other.

You would find out that the one time you’d missed dinner with Scott, Allison, Derek, and Lydia, Stiles had shown up. Or you would see him out on the street, but never with enough courage to talk to him. You two haven’t even made eye contact.

He’d done his best to try to meet you, and the other residents in town had started to notice that instead of venturing out of his home a few times a year after Scott’s relentless begging to now going out nearly every single day. He’d even gone as far as holding a small conversation with some of the people who stopped to thank him on the street. Despite his anxiety screaming at him to run and hide away until everyone forgot he was there, he wanted to meet you.

But he couldn’t stop his racing heart every time he saw you, and just as you turned to look in his direction he’d turn away, cursing himself for still being so distrustful of everyone.

He’d made progress, but not enough. The dark thoughts were still there, tormenting his mind that you would turn against him, judge for being a Void, for being the true Void. He also couldn’t help but wonder if he was the one person you would dislike.

Stiles laid awake at night, wondering if he’d ever muster up the courage to talk to you.

*

*

  Adam was disgusted. His parents had just finished telling him about how there were now over 100 safe havens across the globe. Disgusting. How dare they? How dare they even exist? They knew they’re place 20 years ago, until that motherfucker Void drove out his town. He was lucky no one died, else he’d be rotting in jail where he fucking belongs.

The more Adam thought about it, the more he thought somebody should do something about these little “safe havens”. Why hasn’t anybody even fucking tried? More importantly…why hadn’t he tried.

He had followed y/n when she left, followed her straight into the original safe haven. Void’s safe haven, and he watched her get in. He could shape shift easily into someone…no, he could kill one of the guards, take their form, and get in with absolute ease. If was able to kill him, their supposedly savoir, then these little safe havens would disappear. Y/n would come flying back into his arms once he becomes the person that saved the goddamn world from these monsters.

He disguised himself as a little girl, knowing that his magical allegiance would quickly be disguised as she was too little to even have one, and limped up to the gate. Of course, the guard that night took complete pity, which he took advantage of.

He was easily to kill, just a quick snap of his neck and he was on the ground. A painless death for someone who didn’t deserve it.

Quickly taking his form, he slipped through the gates, making up some random excuse as to why he didn’t let her in.

*

*

  Stiles paced around his living room, anxiously biting at his nails. He hadn’t been this fucking nervous in years. He kept glancing at the clock, watching the seconds tick by when the knock came tentatively at the door. Stiles rushed and flew it open in seconds, ushering a very confused Scott into the room.

“Hey, hey dude take it easy!” Scott said, laughing nervously. “What’s the big emergency?”

“How do you know there is one?”

“Well…you’ve never invited me here before,” Scott shifted on his feet and glanced down at the floor.

Shame immediately flooded through Stiles. “Oh…I’m sorry. Really. I guess I haven’t really been a good friend…”

Scott’s eyebrows raised. He hadn’t known that Stiles considered him a friend, and he broke into a huge grin at the thought, relieved that his pestering to go into town wasn’t a total waste. “You haven’t been, you’ve just taken your time getting used to having friends again. I understand.”

A silence fell over them, before Stiles remembered why he had called him in the first place. “Oh um, if you don’t mind, I kind of need a favor…”

“Anything,”

“Well,” Stiles shuffled nervously. He walked over to the counter and picked up the enveloped. Taking a deep breath, he held out to Scott. “I need you to give this to y/n for me. I…don’t know where she lives exactly and every time I go out I seem to miss her…or I psych myself out. I’m hoping this’ll help us get to know each other,” He smiled nervously at Scott, who’s face had spilt into a huge grin.

“Of course, man, I’m happy to do it. I’ll deliver it on my way home. Promise,” Scott said. He turned and made his way to the door before stopping and turning back to Stiles. “Hey man, I’m proud of you for this. This’ll be the first friend you make without me having to introduce you,”

With that, he left Stiles alone. Stiles smiled to himself, feeling something for the first time since he was 16, happiness.

*

*

 You had been at home, enjoying a small glass of wine when Scott came knocking at your door. You had barely even cracked open the door before he came bursting through, exclaiming wildly about the encounter he had just had with Stiles. It took you awhile to calm him down in order for you to understand exactly what he was saying. Scott excitedly handed you the letter Stiles had written for you before running out the door to tell Allison about Stiles’ progress.

With shaky hands, you opened the letter from him. Surprisingly, he had such beautiful handwriting and wrote very eloquently. He apologized dearly for somewhat avoiding you, saying how he wasn’t the confident, charismatic person everyone here saw him as (you already knew that), and that he would love to have you over for dinner tonight so he could get to know you better. Of course, you welcomed to decline for whatever reason.

Tears pricked at your eyes. You were completely honored that Stiles wanted to get to know you. You knew exactly how cautious he was with letting people into life. Of course, you happily accepted his invitation, and began to get ready. You weren’t sure how formal this was supposed to be but decided that a pink skirt that swished down to your knees and a white blouse with matching vans would be good. Stiles would probably be nervous to see you and you didn’t want him to feel overwhelmed if you wore something too nice. It would be a lovely friend date for the two of you.

Feeling as though you were a giddy ten-year-old on the way to a birthday party, you left your home and made the walk up to the Stilinski home.

*

*

 Stiles was once again nervous. He wanted to make sure everything was perfect for dinner tonight. He wasn’t the best cook, and after burning a chicken in the oven, he decided that take out would be a suitable option instead. Well, if you were coming.

He hoped you were, else he’d probably regress back a few steps. He didn’t want to, especially because of how happy Scott seemed when he told him about this. He wanted to do better, to be better.

A rapid knock came at the door. Stiles heart instantly fluttered as he took once last look at the mirror, making sure he looked alright. Taking quick steps, he opened the door-

BAM! The door flew open, knocking Stiles back to the floor, hitting his head hard. Before he could figure out what the fuck was going on, something grabbed his throat, lifted him up, and shoved him against the wall.

“Open your eyes, Void,” a deep voice sneered.

Fuck.

Slowly, he pried his eyes open, seeing an unfamiliar face. Thankfully, since he’d been spending much more time in town, he knows roughly who lives here. This man definitely does not live here.

“Who the fuck are you?” Stiles wheezed, grabbing at the hand around his throat, trying to summon his magic.

“Adam Tameson, and don’t you dare use your power unless you want me to kill people in this town. Do you really want that?” Your face flashed through Stiles’ head, and he stopped any attempt at magic. “Good, and since I’m a good person, I’ll keep my word, even after I kill you. Because I’m good, unlike all you monsters. You Voids.” He spat. “I’ll be hero, killing the famous Stiles Stilinski. I hope you’ve had a good enough life, oh wait, I know you haven’t,” Adam laughed coolly. He grew out his nails until they became sharp claws that dug into his flesh. One of them pierce his skin just barely.

Suddenly, Adam’s smirk disappeared and his skin paled. He began coughing rapidly, blooding pooling into his mouth. Letting go of Stiles’ neck, he sunk to the floor, coughing and wheezing as he gasped for air but nothing came through until eventually the light died in his eyes and his body froze. It took Stiles a couple seconds to realize that he was dead.

Stiles leaned back against the wall, taking deep breaths to recover when he finally looked up to see his savoir. His eyes locked on your form, you stood over his body, panting. You were shaking slightly, him realizing that this was probably the first time you’d killed someone. Stiles knew the feeling, only having killed in self-defense himself. He reached out and grazed his fingers over your arm reassuringly. You eyes snapped up to look into his.

Suddenly, he knew why he had been so attracted to you, and why it was impossible for him to even approach you at first. You both knew. You two were soulmates.

People had told them about the sexual desire you felt when you discovered your soulmate, but he still wasn’t prepared for it. He tried his best to hold back, not wanting to fuck up with you.

That lasted an agonizing 10 seconds.

In an instant, you flew into his arms, kissing him passionately. Your arms wrapped around his neck while he picked you up, legs wrapping around his torso. He turned and pressed your back against the wall. The kiss was rough, teeth and tongues clashing messily together. Your legs were so tightly wrapped around his waist that he was able let one of his hands roam around your body. Grabbing at the top of your shirt, he pulled down harshly, exposing your breasts to him. He grabbed at them roughly, moving his lips down to your neck so he could bite at the sensitive skin, loving the moans that were coming out of you.

He suddenly dropped you, making you stumble slightly on shaky legs. He reached under your skirt and ripped apart your panties, throwing them across the room. You made quick work of the belt on his jeans, unbuckling them and tearing them off. Stiles undid the button on his jeans and pulled them down along with his boxer briefs. His hardened cock bounced up, precum leaking through the slit.

Stiles’ hand sneaked around and grabbed roughly at your ass before wrapping your legs around himself again. He lined himself at your soaked entrance and slammed into you.

“Oh fuck Stiles!” You moaned loudly. He growled at you, sliding out almost completely before slamming back into you. He set a punishing pace, thrusting into you again and again. You leaned your head back into the wall, being thrown into a world of absolute pleasure, you’re eyes rolled back into your head.

“God you’re so fucking tight,” Stiles mumbled into your ear, along with various other obscenities, spurring you on with his filthy words.

The adrenaline from killing Adam, finding your soulmate, and with the way Stiles thrusted up into you hard and fast, the pleasure was building so quickly in your stomach you couldn’t keep up.

“I’m-I’m close” you whimpered.

“Open your eyes,” he commanded, tipping your head forward. You complied, staring into his darkened, lust blown eyes. He lifted his hand, licking the pads of two of his fingers. He slipped his hand under, pressing harshly on your throbbing clit, and you cried out, fire spreading through your veins.

“Cum for me,” he growled in your ear, biting down on your lobe.

Just from his tone, the fire in your stomach broke loose as you came harshly, your core clenching on cock. A few deep thrusts later and he was following suit, his cum shooting up into you, filling you to the brim.

You two stayed like that, your legs wrapped around him, his cock still buried deep within you. Your heartbeats were in sync together, you two enjoying the feeling of being with one another.

Unfortunately, reality came crashing back down. Stiles realized exactly what he’d done: ruined any chance of being able to be your friend. His anxiety took over again, screaming at him for being a fuck-up. He couldn’t have a soulmate; he was a Dark. Void. What kind of life is that for a soulmate?

He dropped you suddenly, and you collapsed on the floor, utterly exhausted. However, you looked at him with worry in your eyes. He ran around, grabbing his belt and re-doing his jeans. He looked at your eyes, and guilt and lust churned in his chest. What the fuck is he supposed to do?

“Stiles…” you whispered.

Then he did the worst possible thing he could’ve done.

He ran.

[rhyolight]

Liu

      This story isn't easy to tell. It has many parts, and the path twists and turns. That may be something Liu would say, if you asked him about that night, but the truth was that he didn't remember. 

      To get the full story, you’d have to talk to Sully. He knew everything. Everyone would tell you that he was bitter and cruel, a tragic side effect of the accident, but in truth, he was the reason that Liu even still loved Jeff at all. 

      In fact, Sully had seen this day coming for a long time.

      “But wait!” 

      You might argue, 

      “Sully was caused by Jeff’s attempt to murder Liu, how could he have known?” 

      And to that I shake my head, though Liu himself held this belief for a long time. 

      As Sully had listened to the mad rush of footsteps on that fateful night, he knew what had happened. Jeff had finally snapped. 

      Of course, he had always been a little mad, torturing small animals in the yard, or going after Liu with the kitchen knives. The latter Liu would never be able to confirm, Sully had made sure of it. 

      So when the bloodbath had begun, Sully pushed Liu away, blanketing his senses, ensuring that if they made it out he wouldn't remember a thing. 

      Sully was, had always been, a fighter, it was his job after all, but it was pointless. He realized that the body was losing too much blood to keep fighting, leaving him with no choice but to play dead and hope for the best. 

      Excruciating pain shot then his face as Jeff carved it open, and he struggled not to grimace. He wanted him to stop, or at least for it to be over, but of course Jeff wouldn’t let him die easily. He hacked at the body, reopening old scars, tearing apart the abdomen, exposing pink organs to the cold, stinging air before butchering their insides. It took every ounce of self control that he possessed to lay still, fighting against the urge to scream, to beg, to writhe in agony, do anything to make the pain stop. But he knew Jeff. if he thought that Liu was dead, he would eventually leave. 

      And this became true. After several tortuous minutes, Jeff left, off to go cause more pain, Sully supposed. 

      Suddenly, a thought struck Sully, leaving him gasping for the air he already lacked. They were dying. Dying, and there was nothing that he could do. 

      He had failed, he had had one job, one simple, easy job, something that he had been doing for years, and he had failed. Their body was going to die, taking Liu and Sully along with it. 

      Resentfully, he thought about pushing Liu to the front. He could hide, but he had failed, the least he could do was take the pain. 

      It wasn't easy. Jeff had carved open their stomach, their face, their arms, neck, and legs,  and it hurt like hell. Each breath grew more and more painful, and tears rolled down his cheeks, mixing with the blood pooling on Liu’s bedroom floor. 

      He fought against the pain, against the urge to black out and let death do the rest. Of course, if he did so, the body would most likely fall into a deep sleep from which it wouldn't wake up, but there was a chance that Liu would surface. Granted, it was a small chance, but Sully wasn't taking it. 

      Maybe he should have kept fighting, maybe then Jeff would have just killed them. But no, he thought ruefully, I thought we could make it, but there's no way. This body is so broken. There’s no way we’ll survive this. 

      So at first, when the sirens appeared in the distance, blaring through the night, he didn't notice. But they had reached the house, and hadn't rushed past, and he could no longer ignore them. 

      He felt a flicker of hope, but he pushed it down. No use being disappointed. Then, suddenly, the world was moving, and everything spun as their mangled body was brought to the ambulance. It wasn't over, he realized, not yet. 

      The paramedics seemed shocked that he was still awake, but Sully didn't want to explain. So he lied, he said his name was Liu. And while that was, on some level, correct, it was still a lie.  

      Eventually, they gave him something that made the world slip away, and this time Sully didn't resist. He was tired, and as long as Liu remained ignorant, he could allow himself to sleep. 

      Liu woke up confused. He didn’t know where he was, and he didn’t know why everything hurt. Mostly he just felt numb, but there was still pain everywhere. 

      People kept coming in to check on him, and finally, Liu realized that he was in a hospital. Everybody kept looking at him nervously, as if there was something wrong. They murmured quietly. No one told him anything. 

      He kept asking to see his parents, but they’d just frown and hurry out of the room. Had something happened? 

      As he became more aware of his surroundings, he noticed with alarm that his body was covered in stitches. What had happened to him? Had he been attacked? By who, who had a grudge against him? It would make sense if it were Jeff who had been injured, Jeff was always picking fights, even ones he couldn’t win. But Liu was polite, he smiled, said please and thank you, he got along with everybody. So what had happened? 

      Finally, one day he got an answer, or at least, part of one. He had asked for Jeff, but the nurse frowned, and then, to his horror, called his brother a monster. A monster. 

      Liu was quivering with rage. 

      “My brother is not a monster.”

      He hissed, but she just shook her head sadly.

      What had Jeff done to deserve such a title? Sure, maybe he wasn’t the nicest person in the world, but he was his brother. He would never hurt him. 

      Liu was sure that Jeff must be hurt just as badly, if not worse. Obviously that was why he hadn’t come to see him, he reasoned, he must have been seriously injured by whatever had attacked them. 

      But she wouldn’t listen. She just shook her head, again and again, frowning as if Liu was some poor orphan who needed her pity. 

      It made him angry, why wouldn’t anyone tell him anything? He had done so much for Jeff, the least everyone else could do was tell him where his brother was. But they wouldn’t tell him a single detail. No one had, except for this lady, with her pitiful stares, her kindness patronizing.

      Liu felt his temper growing shorter and shorter. He was usually so patient, but he had had enough. He was sick of being lied to. He knew that they were keeping something from him. 

      Seeing what was happening, Sully reached out. He had always stayed hidden, Liu never needed to know about him, he had figured, but he could see where this was going. 

      Liu was getting out of control, and while Sully didn’t mind a little chaos every now and then, he knew that if Liu snapped now, there would be no going back. 

      But nothing went as planned. Liu began to scream. Sully was used to Liu, but Liu had no idea who he was, and he panicked. 

      Sully tried to quiet him, tried to take over, but Liu pushed him back. And so he watched, helpless, as Liu wrenched himself from his bed, lunging for a pair of scissors. 

      There was a shrill scream as blade met flesh, and suddenly blood was everywhere, staining crisp white clothing, spraying as Liu continued to stab with increasing madness. He fought viciously, both in his head and in the real world as he fled the hospital. He would find Jeff, he thought frantically, he knew he would. He didn’t need anyone, not doctors, not nurses, and most certainly not stupid voices that popped up in your head. As he ran, his life seemed to slip away. 

      Liu was gone. The sweet boy who adults adored was no more, and in his place, a deranged, delusional husk was left, a shell of his former life. 

      Eventually, he and Sully would come to exist in a way that was almost peaceful, but almost isn’t quite success. 

      It was no secret that Liu resented him. And while Sully tried to be understanding, he couldn’t help but see Liu as ungrateful. Liu had no idea what he had gone through to protect him, the least he deserved was a little gratitude, but it was too late now. 

      And yet even if it would get him the respect he deserved, Sully would continue to keep secrets. Liu was too fragile, and if he knew what Sully knew, the last few pieces that remained of him would be lost forever. 

[umihoshi-art]

Urges (Fugo x Narancia)

Perhaps Fugo had known it all along. The moment he had seen this boy rummage around in a garbage can, it had pulled all his heart-strings. And it only went down hill after. In the way how the boy exceptionally loved pizza and orange juice. How he couldn't sit still when hearing music. How he couldn't sit still to start with. His complete incapability to solve simple math problems. His wide grin and boisterous laughter. Narancia was the biggest dumbass he had ever met. He wanted to punch him so bad. Every fiber in Fugo's body was practically screaming when Narancia so much as moved.

He couldn't keep his eyes off of him.

And that was what absolutely terrified Fugo. He knew himself, he knew that with one wrong comment, he'd absolutely butcher the other teen. He had kept this feeling with him for months now, just like how he had wanted to take the urge of stabbing his parents to his grave. But this was different from the feeling he had at that time. He couldn't place it. But it felt.... Good. Trusted. Comfortable. And oh so alarming. And because he hadn't told anyone about these feelings, not even Buccarati, he now found himself alone with said alarming person.

“boooooored...” Narancia moaned loud and obnoxious. It was raining outside and they were sitting house while Bucciarati, Abbachio and Mista were out on mafia business. In all honesty, the rain wouldn't have stopped Fugo from leaving post-haste, but Buccarati had asked him to keep an eye on Narancia, who was shot in the leg before. By the sound of it, the other boy was doing just fine, though. Fugo had retreated on the couch with a book. He lay slummed against the armrest, his long legs sprawled over the seat, giving off a big 'don't talk to me' aura that he had recently learned from Abbachio. But Narancia, being an absolute star in reading the mood, hated being ignored more then anything. “Fugo, I'm bored! Let's play a game or something?” he hung over the back of the couch, close to Fugo's face. Fugo clicked his tongue and moved his head aside to stay clear of staring at Narancia's disarming face. He pointed. “There's cards, go play Sollitaire. It'll teach you independence.” Narancia grunted annoyed. “you're in a bad mood, no fun.” And it looked like that was the end of the discussion, as Narancia backed away. “c'mon, I'm sick of sitting around all day. Let's go get pizza? It's just some rain and my leg's fine.” the boy moved around the couch and did something that made Fugo freeze over completely: Narancia sat on top of Fugo's hips, leaning over, trying to get his attention. “what.....are you doing?” Fugo heard himself say without breath. The letters in the book were dancing in front of his eyes. His knuckles turned white. This was bad.... “Own fault for hogging the couch~ I'll only make myself heavier if you're gonna be a wet sock.” Fugo didn't reply right away. He barely moved. All he could think about was.... the time this had happened before. “Get off...” he spoke darkly. But Narancia didn't get the message. “Feeling like doing something yet?” in the spirit of 'making himself heavy', he hopped his hips up and crashed them down on Fugo's. It took every ounce of self-control for Fugo to keep his retort at only grabbing Narancia by the throat and giving a good squeeze. “Get. Off. Now!” he was panting heavy. Gritting his teeth, his eyes unfocused, his hand was sweaty and shaking. Even Narancia noticed this was worse then Fugo's usual fits of rage. He replied more docile: “o-okay, okay... geez...” and got off him slowly, to not make any sudden movements. Both were silent for a good few minutes. “Sorry....” Narancia muttered in the end. Fugo swallowed, not looking at him. Still shaken, he got up. “Gotta shower...” “huh? You showered this morning..” Fugo ignored the other and paced over to the bathroom.

This was exactly the problem. If it had been anyone but Narancia, Fugo was sure it wouldn't have triggered anything.... probably... Then again, in their small company only Narancia would be enough of a clueless dumbass to sit on top of another guy. Taking a shower, he made sure to clean himself vigorously, until he finally managed to stop panting. In the process, the mirror received a good 3 punches and was broken beyond use. Fugo looked down at his hands. 'Disgusting....' he thought to himself. His mind was in turmoil. Because even if he tried to push it away with all his rage: it had felt good. He had wanted Narancia to stay. No... even, get closer. And a most disturbing thought haunted Fugo: It's happening again.

Fugo had never talked about what had happened in school to anyone, except for Bucciarati. He doubted if any of them would really understand it. It had never been about him beating up the teacher. It was more complicated then that. 'Justified self-defense' is what his parents had bribed the court into concluding. And so there never really was any examination of the case. Fugo hadn't been able to find closure of his feelings. And so he made a conclusion many abused youths would pull: 'It was my own fault...'

He finished up in the bathroom after just a little under 2 hours. But when he returned, Narancia still had visible marks on his throat. He was sitting on the ground, against the couch and was hugging his knees. His eyes looked rather misty. Fugo felt a flush of guilt and gulped. “I.....sorry, Narancia. I went too far.” Narancia looked up with a jolt. Fugo would have preferred him to look angry, or even scared. But the look on Narancia's face was filled with worry. He got up. “What are you apologizing for?? I'm the one who's sorry! What the hell happened? Did I do something bad?? Did I mess up?” Fugo felt his chest tighten and looked off. “it's... nothing, never mind it. Just don't do it again.” “Don't be like that! I won't understand if you won't tell me!” Narancia paced over, that worried look didn't leave his face. It really troubled Fugo to see that face from up closer, only increasing his violent urges again. He turned away. “Forget about it! I'm not mad at you, so don't bother.” “FUGO!!” Narancia clung his hands in the back of Fugo's jacket. He sounded beyond worry: he was desperate. His voice was pitched and shallow. “Please.... don't shut me out? Not you..... Slap me or punch me or choke me, that's all fine. Just, don't brush me off? Please? You always confront me, you look straight at me and you face me head on... that means a lot to me. I like that about you. A lot. So don't-.... don't act like I didn't hurt you when I did! I'd rather have you tell me to my face and give me a good punch to get it over with, then to hide it!”

It was happening. It was too late. Fugo's mind would go pitch black. If he'd come to, would he find Narancia's bloody corpse beneath him? But he felt strangely light. As if a weight had been lifted. As if he had crossed a line he had been so afraid of crossing. But now that it was crossed, there's no more point in fearing it. Fugo's mind was clear. And he knew exactly what he was doing. He stretched his hand out to Narancia, holding his face. And what he had been sure would have resulted in him beating the boy's lights out was anything but that: Fugo crushed his lips against Narancia's. It felt like the most natural thing he had ever done. It was vivid and mindblowing. The boy's lips were slightly rough and dry. There was a faint taste of the strawberry he had nicked from Mista some time ago. And it felt like they could bruise from the sudden impact. It were the longest 2 seconds in Fugo's life before his mind caught up with his body and he backed away, realizing what he had done. Both stared at each other, perplexed. Fugo covered his mouth with the back of his hand in disbelieve. And the most disturbing thought crept on him: 'Oh god. I forced myself on him.'

Fugo looked absolutely mortified. Narancia felt another large pang of worry, but... processing what had happened and how it had led to this, his face flushed and he laughed a bit. “oh-... was that.. why you were uncomfortable, huh? Pft.. Okay, that makes sense~” “I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to--” “wow, wow! What are you apologizing about now? I'm not mad!” But Fugo stepped back, lost in his own mind. Thinking fast, Narancia grabbed hold of his arms and kissed him back. Faster and more clumsy, but sincere. “There! Now we're even, right?” It calmed Fugo down slightly and he looked back at the other, remorsefully and unsure of himself. “It's okay. Don't worry.” Narancia tried to reassure him, but he had completely lost what could possible be going through Fugo's head. Narancia took a deep breath. He wasn't exactly used to being the responsible one with the braincell. “Let's sit down? Okay?” he took Fugo's hand and took him along to the couch. Fugo followed reluctant, absentmindedly staring at their linked hands. As they sat, Fugo hesitated: “I.... I don't want to shut you out...just, I.... don't know where to start. It's embarrassing and pathetic.” Brushing off the immediate link of kissing him equals embarrassing and pathetic, Narancia shrugged. “Let's face it. You and I both know I'm not the smartest. You've gotta help me out here.” Fugo showed a rare slight smile. Then took a deep breath. “There..... used to be a person I looked up to.” he spoke, but his voice sounded uncomfortable. “He... well... did something similar...” Narancia blinked a few times, trying to figure what the other meant. “What happened to him?” “I killed him.” Fugo stated, surprisingly matter-of-factly. “Okay, rewind that for a bit. How? Why?” “You know how I get violent, right?” “Yeah, but never without a reason!” Fugo frowned for a moment. He wasn't quite sure if he was worth of that trust. Narancia hadn't worded it as being a 'good' reason. That would have just sounded fake. But...... Fugo refused to believe it. He knew himself. He knew what he did. And he knew what he's capable of... He sighed, trying to brush off how heavy the topic actually was to him. “He came on to me.” He didn't look Narancia in the eyes. “So, considering I just came on to you, I felt bad and apologized. The end.” Against popular believe, Narancia wasn't entirely stupid, though: “But you were already acting off before you did that.” Fugo took a deep breath and closed his eyes. There was no way out of it now, huh? Perhaps..... he should put Narancia to the test. Despite himself, he felt a slight shimmer of fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, someone would understand. But he also braced himself for that hope to be disappointed. That was alright. Nothing would change. “a teacher at my school... he invited me over and-” his words stocked, trying to find the right way to describe it enough to make Narancia understand, but not to make it more dramatic and have Narancia throw pity at him. “-and approached me.” Narancia's face told him that wasn't going to cut it. “....sexually.” the other boy frowned, only producing a soft. “Oh....” Fugo quickly continued. “After that, he came to me again, suggesting we'd do the same thing. And then I beat him to death.” Fugo had rehearsed the reply people would give him in his mind over and over. 'it's not your fault, it was self-defense, you're the victim'. And maybe there had been a slight chance he would have believed that, if it hadn't been the exact arguments the court had been bribed in.... and.... “But..then why-...” Narancia's mind was racing, like there was something he couldn't quite lay his finger on. Fugo waited, patiently. But Narancia's conclusion startled him: “Holding yourself back...” it dawned on Narancia. “You were holding yourself back from killing him for all that time.” Fugo's shoulders sank. Yes.... that's what was eating away at him. If it really was something he didn't want, why did he let it happen? If he was going to kill him, why didn't he do so right away? He remembered the malicious whispers of his peers, saying he had been the one who was close to the teacher, he had been the one to seduce him, he had used the teacher to get good grades. And he believed them.... “That's right. I let it happen. I allowed him to do it, even though I could have stopped him.” Narancia stared intensely at Fugo. There was no judgment on his face. No pity. No disbelieve. Fugo had trouble reading that expression and so he continued: “And yet I mindlessly killed him. Just like I planned to mindlessly kill my parents, many times. You see? I don't actually need a reason. It might actually be that the people I care about have the highest risk.” Narancia grabbed a hold of Fugo's both cheeks, moving his own head back for momentum and headbutted the other as hard as he could. “YOU ABSOLUTE BRAIN FART! Isn't it obvious???” Narancia raged, trying his hardest not to wince at his own dumb action. “Auw, what was that about, you brat?!” Fugo took a hold of the back of Narancia's hair, just about ready to repeat the same dumb action. But Narancia yelled in his face before he could. “It's because you're A NICE PERSON!! no one in their right mind can just kill another person so easily! You held yourself back, cuz you're gentle! You're a better person than that piece of shit deserved you to be! What's wrong with that?!! You didn't want to hurt anyone and he used that against you!!” Tears started streaming down Narancia's face. Angry. Frustrated. But also a sense of adoration for the other. “Don't be a dickhead, saying you don't need a reason! You had it pent up more and more, over and over, until you couldn't take it anymore! Even when they took a running leap across the line. Damnit all, if that guy wouldn't be dead, I'd go out there and hunt him right now!” Fugo stared at him for a while, losing the girp on the other's hair. He sighed in slight defeat. Narancia's thinking was so simpleminded. But... he did feel better. It might still take some time for himself to believe it... but it was comforting to know that someone else believed in him.

“But! But that was that and this is this!” Narancia continued. “hm?” Fugo blinked, not quite following. “You said you were coming on to me. And I made it even.” Fugo looked off and nodded a bit. “You also said you were sorry about it. You dun want to?” “That's not it! I just-” Narancia grinned. “...so you want to~?” “.....” Fugo's stomach stirred from the coy look Narancia gave him. He was slowly starting to differentiate the urge of punching someone from this urge of kissing the other. “Yeah...” he admitted and leaned in slowly. “If you're still bored, I know something.”

[artificialqueens]

I Wish You Were Sober (Crygi) - Mumu

A/N: Had to write something for my favorite quarantine bop! It’s also on AO3.

Summary: Gigi just wishes Crystal would kiss her- even when she’s sober.

Gigi clenches her jaw, tightening her grip on the red solo cup in her left hand. The red plastic crushes in on itself with a loud crunch, a split opening and leaking beer all over her.

“Shit!” Gigi drops the cup as fast as she can. The liquid splatters onto the carpet, pooling around her feet.

Gigi takes a few steps to the left, trying to act as inconspicuous as possible. Nicky, the hostess of this particular bash, isn’t even paying attention, and Gigi sends up a silent prayer for that small mercy.

Thank god everybody’s too occupied with grinding on each other as a sad excuse for dancing, or playing beer pong, or smoking joints in the kitchen to have noticed her spill.

Speaking of smoking joints, Crystal’s currently doing just that, blowing smoke out of her cherry red lips and flirting blatantly with the quarterback.

Crystal tilts her head back and laughs throatily, batting her lashes at the football player. She tosses a handful of crimped hair over her shoulder, tugging at the neckline of her dress to show more skin. The sight makes Gigi bite down on her tongue, another flash of anger shooting through her.

The cycle is always the same.

Gigi shows up to a party she doesn’t want to be at, Crystal in tow. Crystal makes a beeline for the drinks and the weed, hanging around the football team for the entire night. She usually ends up dancing on the quarterback, an obnoxious dick that’ll peak in high school.

Gigi always watches her flirt from the corner of the room. She’s left alone to glare at the back of Crystal’s platinum blonde head, watching while the other girl gets progressively more and more clingy with people that aren’t her.

Afterwards, when Crystal is ready to leave, Gigi will drive her home, and Crystal will kiss her in the car, pressed uncomfortably against the window, or wedged between the door and the driver’s seat. She’ll climb into Gigi’s lap, fingers tangled in her hair, and tell her she’s pretty.

And Gigi will go along with it, letting Crystal make her little drunken declarations of love, because what else can she do?

She likes Crystal, so, so much. Hearing Crystal say it back just for a moment gives her a rush of joy so intense it almost makes the next few days worth it. Crystal never admits it in daylight, when she’s sober. But Gigi will take anything she can get.

And so, Gigi keeps torturing herself by watching Crystal throw herself at unknown boys throughout the night, because the promise of those lips on her own is too addictive to quit. Even if they taste like tobacco and cheap alcohol every time.

Crystal trades a drink with a boy Gigi recognizes from her Chemistry class. Crystal probably doesn’t even know the guy, but that doesn’t stop her from thanking him with a sloppy kiss.

Gigi gnaws at her lip, aware that she should probably look away, but not being able to. Her hands tug at the flaps of her leather jacket, twisting the material up. Crystal leans in, draping her hands over the boy’s neck. Gigi swallows thickly.

She suddenly regrets spilling her drink on the ground, because knocking back lukewarm beer sounds like a perfect coping mechanism right now. Crystal turns, pressing her back into his chest, and suddenly the music is too loud. The party is swimming in her vision in all its sweaty, grimy glory. She needs air. Now.

It takes every ounce of strength and self-control that Gigi has to walk to Nicky’s bathroom at a reasonable pace when every fibre of her being is screaming at her to sprint there.

She slumps against the door as soon as it shuts, sliding down towards the floor. Something bitter and mean swells in her throat.

Gigi squeezes her eyes closed, counts to ten over and over until she’s sure her emotions aren’t bubbling right under boiling. It’s the last party of the school year, and Gigi’s alone in the bathroom having a meltdown.

If Nicky saw her like this she’d probably call Gigi a loser: and she’d be right. Gigi’s fucked.

Her eyes drift towards the window, a furrow in her brow. She almost laughs at the absurdity of the idea that pops into her brain. Can she crawl out of it?

The last time she tried was when she was twelve, back when Nicky would sneak her in every Friday for the sleepovers the girl used to host. Gigi’s mom never liked the idea of her going to a sleepover so they’d used the bathroom window to get Gigi in without waking up Nicky’s parents. When Jackie moved to the neighborhood in seventh grade, they’d done the same for her. The girls had fit through the small space easily back then.

The idea seems more and more appealing the longer she stays alone in this bathroom. She considers, running her tongue over her teeth. It might be a tight squeeze, but Gigi can probably do it.

She tiptoes over, cranking it open experimentally. It gets stuck at around three inches, so Gigi pushes even harder, straining until it finally opens fully. There’s a fine layer of dust settled around the windowsill, and Gigi wipes it off with a square of toilet paper. Other than that, it’s the same as she remembers.

She’s going to do this. Gigi hoists herself up, trying to shimmy her shoulders through the small square. Her jacket restricts her movements, though, and she can’t quite wedge her arms through properly. She lands back onto the bathroom floor with a thump, knocking her elbow against the wall in the fall.

“Fuck,” Gigi groans, rubbing the sore spot. A bruise will probably show up tomorrow morning, judging from how hard she banged it.

Okay. New approach.

This time she throws her jacket out the window first, before trying to fit her body sideways through the window.

It works, sort of, and Gigi’s left with her head out the window and her left arm pressed to the outside wall. Her hips get lodged, and Gigi tries to twist her body so that she can wiggle loose. It’s painful, the wall digging into her thighs, but she eventually manages to topple into Nicky’s front lawn, right on top of her jacket.

Gigi flops onto her back, breathing hard. The night air is sharp. She gulps it in, trying to recover from what just happened.

The bass is still pounding through the neighborhood, leaking through the walls of Nicky’s house, but it’s quieter out here at least, and Gigi can finally hear herself think. It’s so peaceful compared to inside the party that Gigi feels herself getting a tad bit sleepy.

Her text tone brings her out of the daze. Gigi fishes her phone out of her jacket pocket, the screen lighting up to show two unread messages.

Methhead:

geeg where r u.

do u wanna leave now?

A groan passes Gigi’s lips. Great. Just when she’s beginning to think clearly, Crystal has to come and muddle it up again. She pinches her phone lazily between her thumb and index finger, letting it dangle upside down, above her chest, with the screen right in front of her face.

She could just not respond. But Gigi can’t do that to Crystal. How would she even get home without Gigi giving her a ride? So she picks her phone right-side-up again, preparing to text back.

“Gigi?” Crystal’s voice rings out.

Gigi scrambles to her feet in the general direction of the voice, brushing dirt off of her jeans. Her phone slips out of her hand in her haste, hitting the ground.

“Hey, uh, over here!” Gigi calls, grabbing her phone off the ground.

Crystal turns, trying to locate where Gigi is. She brightens when she spots the redhead, rushing over.

“Hi baby,” Crystal laughs. “You look so pretty.”

Gigi feels a thrill up her spine at the pet name. Crystal links their hands and raises them over her head, motioning like she wants Gigi to give a spin for her.

Gigi turns obediently, an awkward smile on her face, trying to swallow her heartbeat as it climbs into her throat. Crystal smells like pine trees and cheap alcohol. Gigi wants to kiss her.

“Why’d you run off on me?” Crystal practically falls into Gigi’s arms as she comes to a stop, looping her hands around Gigi’s waist.

The action draws Crystal in close, their noses practically brushing. The white around Crystal’s blue eyes has gone red from the weed, and when she huffs a breath out Gigi can smell the earthy scent of it on her tongue. Gigi can hardly breathe, her head buzzing at Crystal’s closeness.

“Uh-”

“I had fun! Did you have fun?” Crystal asks, all cheerful. Gigi bites at her bottom lip, avoiding eye contact. It seems too invasive. She scuffs the bottom of her heels into the dirt instead, relishing in the sound of the mud as it splatters onto the straps of her high heels. “Nicky’s parties are the best.”

“Yeah.” Gigi grits her teeth, forcing a smile. Her voice quavers a bit, and she winces, praying Crystal doesn’t notice.

Lucky for her, Crystal’s oblivious to her feelings, per usual. “It was great, right? Did you see me kissing Damien? He tasted, like, gross. I wanna kiss you instead.”

Gigi stares, spluttering out an incredulous laugh. Crystal has to be kidding. “That usually work for you?”

“Uh, yes?” Crystal tilts her head, doing an impression of a confused puppy.

Gigi would find it cute, if not for the fact that she’s increasingly feeling like throwing herself off of a cliff, or maybe punching Crystal in the face. Crystal can’t possibly think that everything’s peachy.

The highlighter that Crystal applied to her collarbones earlier in the night glistens under the moonlight, and Gigi has to close her eyes to avoid tracing the metallic glow with a finger.

“Hello?” Crystal prompts, untangling herself from the other girl. “I asked for a kiss.”

“Right,” Gigi mutters. She runs her tongue along her teeth, trying to find some way to explain why that isn’t a good idea.

But Crystal is leaning closer, and the pull between them is intoxicating. Her fingertips slide up Gigi’s neck and tangle in Gigi’s glossy auburn curls, and before Gigi can come up with an excuse Crystal’s lips are on hers.

Gigi would be lying if she said it wasn’t thrilling. They fit together perfectly, with practiced ease. Crystal knows how to tug on Gigi’s hair just right so that Gigi clutches at her, and knows that when she bites down on Gigi’s bottom lip it’ll make her chest heave and her breaths come heavier.

It’s cruel how good Crystal can play her. Crystal tastes… like Crystal, woodsy and peppery and warm. It’s pathetic how used to it Gigi is by now, how she could pick out Crystal from a crowd of people if she had to, just by the taste of her and the feeling of her and how she’s buried herself deep into Gigi’s bones.

When Crystal pulls away it leaves emptier than she’d like to admit, and there’s anxiety spiking in her gut at the feeling. Gigi’s going to cry tonight, can feel it in her bones the same way she knows a fake Birkin from a real one with one glance.

Gigi’s eyes stray to the girl’s face. Crystal’s lip gloss has been smeared onto her chin and her bangs are wild. Her appearance makes Gigi’s blood throb with something hot and filthy, and Gigi feels the breath get knocked out of her at the feeling.

“Let’s go.” Gigi snaps, and whirls on her heel. She doesn’t bother checking to see if Crystal’s following her.

The ride is awkward, to say the least.

Gigi has to dig her acrylics into the steering wheel to focus. Crystal’s smacking her gum in the passenger seat, trying to get rid of the smell on her breath so that her mom doesn’t notice when she gets home. Gigi tries to tune it out, but the sound is grating and she can still hear it with the volume of the radio turned up to an 18.

When Crystal blows a pink bubble with her gum and pops it loudly for the third time, Gigi pulls over, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Can you not?” She doesn’t mean to sound so bitchy, but Crystal’s been getting on her nerves all night and Gigi’s never been a patient person.

“Sorry.” Crystal flushes, fiddling with her hands. She sounds genuinely apologetic, even with the high lacing her voice.

Gigi sneaks a glance at the other girl’s face and immediately wishes she didn’t. Crystal has made herself small, curling her knees up to her chest. She looks childish, face illuminated by the glow of a streetlight shining through the window, and Gigi feels a wave of guilt.

“Fuck, no, sorry.” She eyes Crystal’s folded up form, and sighs. “Here.”

Gigi shoves a hand in front of Crystal’s face. Crystal just blinks at it, confused. “Huh?”

“Spit,” Gigi says shortly.

“Oh.” Crystal hesitates.

“C’mon, I don’t have all night. And I don’t want to listen to you chewing the whole ride.” Gigi glares until Crystal follows the instructions. She flings the chewed-up blob out the open window with more force than necessary. It lodges into a crack in the sidewalk next to a bottle cap.

“Litterbug,” Crystal says under her breath. Gigi ignores it.

Gigi flexes her fingers against the rubber cover on her steering wheel, the bright yellow staring back at her mockingly.

It doesn’t seem right to start driving again, when the air between her and Crystal has stretched so thin and yet still manages to hang so heavy. She bites her tongue to prevent herself from blurting out an apology in an attempt to dispel the awkwardness. She has nothing to apologize for.

“Um,” Crystal says. “Are we just going to sit here, or are you gonna to drive me home?”

Gigi takes a sharp breath in, like she’s going to say something. The words get lodged in her throat, right under her soft palate. She cranks the car window up again to seal the night air out. The car engine is still humming softly, the only sound breaking up the tension in the air.

“Right, yeah.” She manages finally. Crystal quirks a brow, but Gigi doesn’t bother explaining herself.

Instead, she hovers a heel over the gas pedal, biting at her lip. The unsaid words clump under her tongue, bouncing around in her head.

“Are you mad at me?”

Gigi jerks her head towards the passenger seat where Crystal is sitting, bumping her head on the headrest in the process.

“Ow. Fuck.”

“Are you?” Crystal asks again. She looks nervous, pouting slightly. Crystal reaches a hand out like she wants to touch Gigi, but pulls it back before she can close the gap. Gigi’s heart skips a beat at the action.

“No,” Gigi lies, turning back to face the front.

“O-kay.” Crystal says, pulling the word into two syllables. A beat. “Are you sure?”

“No,” Gigi says.

“Okay,” Crystal repeats.

Outside, somebody’s car alarm goes off and she jumps, startled. Gigi shifts, fiddling with the zipper on her jacket. Neither one of the girls speaks, the blaring siren filling the silence.

“Do you-” Crystal starts. Gigi winces at the sound of Crystal’s voice cutting through her head. “What did I do?”

Gigi makes a sound low in her throat, strangled. It kind of sounds like a laugh, warped up and bitter. “Have you seen yourself?”

“What?” Crystal says. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Gigi just shakes her head, not answering. She turns the radio up, shifting the gear out of park. The car starts onto the road home again.

The drive is smooth, but she still feels like throwing up. Crystal is sneaking glances at her when she thinks Gigi isn’t looking. Gigi tries not to look.

She parks the car outside of Crystal’s house and turns the keys to turn the engine off.

“Geeg, don’t,” Crystal heaves a shaky sigh in and out. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Please stop.” Gigi’s tone is clipped, her sentence punctuated by the slam of her closing the car door.

“Gigi, I can’t read your mind! I don’t know what’s wrong,” Crystal’s voice gets louder, and she moves to block Gigi’s way when Gigi tries to sidestep around her to get to her porch.

“That’s exactly the fucking point,” Gigi huffs.

“You’re being unreasonable.”

Gigi’s already resigned herself to giving Crystal vague answers until she gets bored and leaves her alone. But when Crystal spits the statement, her pride boils over, because how dare Crystal say that?

How dare she act naive and unaware when she practically throws herself at Gigi every time alcohol enters her system? What’s Gigi supposed to do, not catch feelings? Especially when Crystal looks like that, all olive skin and red lips and gorgeous bone structure.

And Crystal just acts like everything’s perfectly fine the next day, every time. She always leaves Gigi thinking of the feeling of Crystal’s lips pressed against Gigi’s, or her weight on Gigi’s lap, or her hands knotted into Gigi’s hair.

It’s not fair. It’s never fair with them two, and that’s the problem. Gigi’s in love with her. Crystal couldn’t care less.

Gigi doesn’t realize she’s talking out loud until she stops to take a breath. She freezes, panic swirling up from her bones.

Her head gets dizzier and dizzier the longer Crystal stays silent.

“Crys-” She starts. Crystal cuts her off.

“How long?” Crystal whispers. It’s still too loud in the silence that blankets them.

When Gigi doesn’t respond, Crystal repeats herself, voice a little more frantic this time.

“Gigi, I need to know.” Crystal takes a sharp breath in. “How long have you liked me?”

Gigi swallows. Prays for the ground to swallow her up. But Crystal’s gaze is unwavering, and she has nowhere to run.

“Since the eighth grade,” Gigi admits. Crystal makes some kind of shocked noise, but Gigi plows on anyway. If she stops, she might never get the courage to say this again.

“You- you gave yourself a mullet in the school bathroom during Biology, remember? That was the first time I’d ever skipped a class. You were so confident about it. And I was-” Gigi interrupts herself with a bitter laugh. “-I knew that was it. I was so fucking gone.”

“Oh,” Crystal says. She blinks. “Oh.”

This is… Not how Gigi dreamed this would go, to say the least.

On the rare nights she stayed up at 2am listening to love songs and allowed herself to dream of maybe someday telling Crystal she liked her, “oh” was not what she imagined Crystal saying back. And Gigi isn’t a dreamer. She prides herself on thinking logically through her problems. She trusts her head more than her heart, and it’s no wonder, given the shit her heart has put her through.

So she isn’t expecting an elaborate profession of love, or a monologue out of Romeo and Juliet. Just something with a little more substance. Fuck, even Crystal freaking out and not wanting to ever talk to Gigi again would be better than “oh.” She just needs something.

“Crystal, I’m sorry, I-” Gigi says. She trails off when Crystal shows no sign of hearing her. Gigi pulls her jacket tighter around herself. “You should go in, it’s cold.”

Crystal doesn’t move. Gigi can’t quite make out Crystal’s features in the evening light. Her face has blended into shapes and shadows, blurring at the edges.

“Are you crying?” Crystal asks.

Oh. So that’s why everything’s gone fuzzy.

“No,” Gigi sniffles. She forces a strained smile, just barely managing to lift the corners of her mouth. Her throat feels swollen, and it hurts when she speaks. “I’m fine. Fuck, sorry. I don’t know why I said all that.”

“Gigi,” Crystal says. Her voice is gentle, like she’s talking to a toddler. “Do you regret saying it?”

This is it. Crystal is giving Gigi a chance to take back a shred of dignity, to salvage whatever is left of their friendship.

“I- no, I don’t,” Gigi says, and that chance is gone. She shoves her hands into her jacket pockets to hide the shaking, balling them into fists. The inner lining bunches up under her grip.

“Okay,” Crystal says. She shakes her head lightly, like she’s trying to clear it. “Okay then.”

Gigi kicks the grass underneath her feet. The lawn is wet, dewdrops wetting her ankles. There’s dirt between her toes and clinging to the bottom of her foot.

There’s a ping, and Crystal fishes her phone out of her pocket. The blue light of the screen lights up her face and she squints at it.

“My mom’s asking where I am,” She reports. “I should- uh, I should go in.”

“Right.” Gigi clears her throat to give herself something to do. “Yeah. Okay. Night, Crystal.”

“G’night,” Crystal echoes. She doesn’t move.

Gigi feels a fresh wave of tears burning against her eyelids. She tenses her tongue, pressing it against the roof of her mouth with surprising strength in a bid to keep them back. When that doesn’t work, she takes off.

Gigi turns, walking as fast as she can down the block, away from Crystal, until she’s full on running, fishing her car keys out of her pocket with shaking hands. Her blood is pounding in her ears, and she can’t see straight.

Everything looks like it’s being viewed through a fish-eye lens, all disfigured. She feels for the door handle blindly and wrenches it open, clumsily getting in.

There. Now she’s alone. Crystal can’t see her anymore.

Gigi grinds the heels of her palms into her eyes, struggling to catch her breath. Bile rises in her throat, and she gasps for air, trying to blink clarity into her vision. Gigi coughs, hands flailing randomly around for something to grip onto. Her elbow hits the horn and the sound just makes her head even dizzier, the ringing in her ears chaotic.

Fuck. Why did she have to go and admit her feelings to Crystal? Gigi should have just kept her mouth shut like she always did before. The tears are still coming hot and fast, and the stickiness on her cheeks just makes her even angrier. God, she’s pathetic.

A rapping on the window breaks up her pity party.

Gigi raises bleary eyes to the sound. To her horror, it’s Crystal on the other side of the glass, motioning impatiently for Gigi to roll down the window. Gigi sucks an unsteady breath in. It’s staccato and comes in short bursts, like she’s just run a mile. Panic claws at her insides, and Gigi sputters out a hysteric giggle.

She opens the window, fingers shaking against the button.

Gigi wants to spit out an excuse, explain away why she hasn’t driven away and is instead sitting in her car bawling her eyes out like some kind of loser, but she can barely catch her breath, much less form words in this state.

“Gigi, are you- are you okay?” Crystal asks anxiously. “You uh, you ran off before I could say anything else.”

Gigi makes some kind of miserable noise. Her finger is still on the button to roll down the window, even though it’s already all the way lowered, and her car beeps in protest.

“Look, I-” Crystal starts. She seems to do some kind of calculation, before blurting out the rest of the sentence. “I’m really sorry.”

Gigi’s drowning. There’s ice water in her veins, a chorus of I-told-you-so and you’ve-ruined-everything crashing against her skull. She pushes air out of her nose forcibly, something like a laugh but not quite.

“I was really scared, okay? And I still am. I’m still trying to figure all this out, liking girls and shit.” Crystal clears her throat, shifting nervously on her feet. “I thought you were, I don’t know, just interested in kissing me. Nothing more.”

A mean, petty part of Gigi wants to drive away right now, to not give Crystal the time to explain. But the softer part, the part that’s still stupidly heart-eyed for Crystal wants to stay. It wants to hug Crystal, pull her in and tell her it’s all fine.

Gigi digs her fingernails into her palm and ignores both of those thoughts.

Crystal is a big girl. Gigi’s not going to clean up her messes for her, especially not when they’ll just make the ache in her chest even more painful. She’s done that too much lately.

But Gigi does owe Crystal the chance to talk her feelings out. Especially given how she dumped all hers onto the girl earlier.

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” Crystal says. She gestures vaguely with her hands. “I didn’t mean to.”

Gigi opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Crystal reworks her words, stumbling over them.

“Or- or maybe I meant to, in this, like, fucked up way. I don’t know.”

Gigi blinks.

“Maybe I was trying to hurt you and push you away because I liked you, yeah?”

“Are you asking me if you like me?” Gigi murmurs, eyes trained expectantly on Crystal’s face. Nothing feels real. She taps her fingers against her thigh just to do something with her hands. “I can’t answer that for you, hun.”

Crystal seems to start at that.

She shakes it off with a slightly giddy giggle, more breath than sound. It sits in the distance between them, swirling. Gigi thinks if she raises her hand she might be able to capture it in her fist, unfurl her palm to see the sound glittering against her flesh.

“Right. Sorry, I don’t know how to, uh, do this good.” Crystal amends. She pulls a shaky breath and expels it again. “I- fuck, this looked easier in the movies.”

Gigi’s lips quirk slightly. Crystal doesn’t know if it’s in amusement or something else, but she takes it as a sign to keep going.

“I care about you a lot, Gigi.” Crystal makes like she’s going to grab Gigi’s hand but seems to think better of it, resting her arm on the trim seal instead. “Not- not just as a friend. I really, I don’t want to fuck our friendship up if I do something really stupid. This probably won’t work, you know?”

Gigi stares dumbly, huffing a breath. Crystal avoids her gaze, clicks her tongue once as if making a decision. It feels like an eternity has passed in silence before she fixes her gaze on Gigi’s face again, with so much intensity Gigi shivers.

“I would like to try, though?” Crystal says. Her voice cracks on the last word, and she runs a hand through her hair, twirling the strands between her fingers like she always does when she’s stressed.

“I’d- like that,” Gigi swallows, trying to keep the excited tremor out of her voice when she responds. Her words come out choppy and blunt. “If you’re sure.”

Crystal grabs her instead of answering.

Gigi hits her head on the car frame, and Crystal’s hands tangle into her hair. The kiss is clumsy, their foreheads knocking. She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Gigi is straining to lean out the window, the metal of the car door digging into her ribs. Crystal’s teeth sink into her lip and she hisses, pulls Crystal even closer against the cool steel in retaliation, trying to close the gap.

When they part, it’s only because Gigi needs to breathe. Her entire body is thrumming like it might combust.

“Do you- was that okay? For you?” Crystal asks sheepishly. She wipes the corners of her lips, cleaning up the smudges.

“Okay? Fuck, Crystal, I’ve been dreaming of that since forever,” Gigi admits, breathless. “Are you sure?”

“You keep saying that.” Crystal offers her a lopsided grin. “Don’t ask me again, I might chicken out.”

“Oh my god,” Gigi laughs, relief swimming in her gut. Adrenaline buzzes up her spine, making her dizzy. “Oh my god, you suck. Shut up.”

“Just get out of the car,” Crystal shakes her head, biting back a smile. She slaps the roof of the car. “I wanna kiss you some more.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

Crystal scurries backwards so that Gigi has enough room to open the door, stepping out onto the sidewalk.

Under the artificial lights, Crystal looks messy, skin tinted yellow.

The lighting makes the pinks of her blush clownish and the dips of her contour into unforgiving brown streaks. Her foundation is cakey on her forehead from wearing it all night, mascara muddy around her eyes.

Gigi thinks this is the most beautiful she’s ever looked.

“Stay the night?” Crystal suggests.

“As long as you won’t ignore me in the morning.” Gigi teases, because she doesn’t trust herself not to accept the offer embarrassingly fast otherwise.

Crystal just rolls her eyes. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Nope,” Gigi says proudly. “Can I steal snacks from your pantry? I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, but that’s cause you were too busy glaring at me halfway across the room to eat at the party,” Crystal says.

Gigi just hums. Part of her is relieved at how normal this all is. Part of her knows she shouldn’t even be surprised. They’ve always been Crystal and Gigi, and a few kisses aren’t going to change that.

Her lungs feel like they’re full of glitter, and she taps Crystal’s chin, signaling for another kiss. Crystal’s tongue tastes like stale liquor and Gigi feels drunk off of it, the feeling of Crystal so close to her and knowing that Crystal won’t run this time. Knowing that Crystal is hers.

She’s been waiting five long years for this and regrets nothing.

“What’re you thinking about?” Crystal links her arm with Gigi’s easily, their shoulders bumping.

“Nothing,” Gigi answers simply. “This was a good start to summer.”

“Yeah,” Crystal agrees, in that way of hers where she doesn’t say much but says everything all at once. “It was.”

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [27]

Masterlist

Warning: gore ;)

~^*^~

Stalking down the hallway, Jack was in a fury. Trust Daniel to take advantage of a desperate situation. Turning the corner, Jack almost collided with a very familiar person.

“Hi Jacko!” She beamed.

“Don’t call me that.” Jack grumbled.

“Oh,” her eyes landed on Dracula, “hello again, you.” Immediately, her eyes glossed over. She was clearly trying to flirt.

“Hello again, Chelsea.” Dracula smiled, which faded when Jack glared sharply at him. He didn’t know what had happened but considering how badly Jack’s nostrils were flaring, it wasn’t good.

“I’m surprised to see you here. Considering the situation, I thought you’d broken up with [First].”

“They did.” Jack replied for Dracula, and Chelsea sent him a look as if to say ‘shut it!’

“Shame. Well, should you ever want another young adventure...”

“No thanks,” Dracula began, “I’m afraid I prefer my food a little less... handled.”

Her face immediately reddened and Jack had to admit that pride swelled in his chest. Dracula was slowly becoming a pro at comeback culture. Oh god, he wish he had a camera to take a picture of the shock and offence settling on Chelsea’s face because he knew that you of all people would have loved to see it. Thinking of you, he needed to hurry to the apartment.

Chelsea quickly composed herself to scowl at Dracula.

“You’re too old for me anyway, granddad.” Dracula chuckled at her words.

“Touched a nerve?” He teased with a low and soft voice.

“You wish.”

“You wish.”

“Alright!” Jack interjected nervously, “we need to go pick [First] up.”

As if on cue, the door halfway down the hallway burst open and a bag flew out, smashing against the wall and crashing to the floor. Following it, your voice, screaming all sorts of profanities. Okay, you were upset.

Dracula narrowed his eyes, pushing past the pair and making his way further down the hallway. Your voice was strangled and hoarse. Were you crying...?

A male’s voice came in, cutting off your own in an angry rant. Dracula did not know what had gone on, but nobody - nobody - made you cry. This green fuel coursing his body was unfamiliar. It was strange. He didn’t know why it burnt in the bottom of his chest, or why it was making his steps grow with each passing second. He just knew that he was about to grab this asshole speaking to you like you were nothing and throw him through a wall.

You stepped backwards, out of the door, still looking inside of the apartment. Your face was red with tears streaming down your face.

“Was this your plan all along?” You were trembling, “accept me into your life in my hour of desperation and just use me for a quick shag?!”

“We aren’t even dating! I don’t get why you’re so upset!”

“Because you- because you kept telling me how much you’d missed me! You kept begging me to give myself to you again! And I did and then- then- you bring that filth in! You fucked her like you fucked Lucy!”

So it was Daniel after all. Infamous Daniel who had shattered your heart. Dracula had to thank him in some respects. Had you not needed to flee to Whitby, you may have never met. Right now, Dracula couldn’t imagine waking up in the 21st century and not meeting you. How differently would it have gone? Would he still have had to kill Zoe? Would Jack even be here? Would Lucy have died?

Who knew? The only thing Dracula knew was the green seeping into his mind, and the red beginning to cloud his vision. Not a soul on this fucking planet was allowed to upset you.

“That’s- not fair.” Daniel’s voice softened.

“Is it not?!” You shrieked, “but you bringing that-!” You cut your self off with a noise of anger, running your hands through your scalp and tugging on the roots of your hair. You bit your lip, turning and freezing.

“Don’t let me halt you from finishing your sentence.” Dracula spoke, voice very soft. His eyes had also softened at the sight of you. You were at breaking point.

“Drac...?” your voice was so sweet, so hoarse. Dear god, you oozed sadness in every fibre of your being right now.

“Hello, darling.”

“Why did you bring him?” You were looking past him now, a furious gaze at Jack.

“I thought maybe you’d like to-“ Jack began.

“You thought wrong. You-“ you turned back to the apartment, pointing at the male who was still inside. Dracula had not seen him in person yet, “you can fucking rot in hell. If I ever see you again, I swear to god I will literally tear your voice box out of your throat.”

“[First]-“ Dracula began, but he was the next one to receive your anger.

“Don’t you even start. If you had just controlled yourself for once-! If you had just a tiny,” you motioned with your fingers, “tiny ounce of self control and left Renfield alone, this wouldn’t have happened!” You were in a rage, “I really don’t want to see you right now.”

Ouch.

“You’re being a right bitch, you know that?” Daniel’s voice came from the apartment and you flew into a fury. You turned, the bag that had fallen to the floor was in your hand and you launched it at him.

“Shut the fuck up, manwhore!”

“Um, ow?”

~^*^~

The guest bedroom at your parents’ house felt weird. You refused to sleep in your own bedroom, though.

In all honesty, you didn’t really know why you were angry at Dracula. You were just being... difficult. You were, of course, fully blaming him for turning Renfield, but how was anyone to know that Renfield would suddenly become obsessed with hunting you down? All of you knew that Dracula wouldn’t have turned him if this was the outcome. He probably would have fired him on the spot, had he known.

How had it gotten like this?

You wondered what Dracula was doing right now. After your outburst, he was either on his way to kill you himself in a possessive outburst of his own, or he was going to leave you and let Renfield find you. There was no way that he would possibly stand up for you now.

Oh, how wrong could you possibly have been...

A new box was sitting in the place of the old one - the centre of the room that usually remained locked. It was rocking violently. Dracula tutted. What a shame. He didn’t have any time to waste with his newest addition. Oh, no, he had somewhere very important to be. Anger had been bubbling in his chest all day. He looked quite disheveled, his usually neat white shirt untucked, the first few buttons undone, the sleeves lazily rolled up.

The drive to his destination was slow and bothersome. Rush hour traffic - especially in London - was a force to be reckoned with. Even against a vampire. But Dracula didn’t feel like making a magical entrance. He wanted to make sure he was understood, that his point would come across.

Too long, he had been bothered by this whole ordeal. Too long, the pain had been felt.

He was going to put a stop to it.

He remembered the way easily, slamming his car door and stalking forwards. This was going to be so fun. He smirked.

And then, he was at the door. He knocked.

“Who is it?” The voice called.

“Open the door and find out.” Dracula called back.

He heard a sound. Then silence. Perhaps he was expected to leave if the door didn’t open for him. He rolled his head, readying himself. Limber up. He was technically an OAP, after all. He’d need to ready his body.

Silence.

He stepped back, and then the sound, like an explosion as with all the force he had, he kicked the door in. It flew open, smashing against the wall, the handle lodging itself into the wall. Standing on the other side of the room, almost cowering, the being that made a snarl come from Dracula’s mouth. Undeath wouldn’t do. Utter destruction. That would be the only way.

“Hello, Daniel. We haven’t met. I’m Dracula.” He grinned, a demented kind of grin. The kind you’d associate with a murderer.

“You-...” how could he say anything?

“Cat got your tongue?”

“What are you doing here?”

Dracula took a good look at him. 5’7”, 8” at a push. He wasn’t very muscular, he’d be easy to overpower. He was trying his hardest to look intimidating, but Dracula, who just stood there, doing nothing at all, was clearly the alpha here.

“Well, you see, I just couldn’t stop thinking about the way you treated [First] today,” Dracula began, “or the last time you were with her.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Boy, he couldn’t hide the terror in his voice no matter how hard he tried.

“You treat women like they’re nothing. You treat them like toys to be disposed of once you’ve had enough. [First], Lucy, Chelsea, goodness knows how many more...” Dracula turned, and Daniel watched as he plucked the door from the wall as if it were merely a dart, and shut it softly behind him. He closed in, towering above the younger, “you hurt her. You have no respect for her. I can’t let you get away with that.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Daniel whispered.

“I’m crazy...?” Dracula amused, pulled up an eyebrow, “you dared to hurt the only thing a vampire cares about.”

“...vampire...? Now I know you’re batshit.”

“Actually, just bat.”

His eyes darkened. His lips curled. He was overcome with the anger, the jealousy, the sheer... whatever the fuck it was. It was all in his chest and the urge to just dive into ruining the pathetic man before him swallowed him whole.

The screams that filled the room would never have been able to truly disclose what occurred in that room. Limb from limb, Dracula tore Daniel apart, taking his sweet time. Starting with each of his fingers, moving to his toes. He wanted the pain to last as long as possible. Blood was already soaking the carpet, Daniel’s body shaking violently with the shock. Using his nails, Dracula ripped his skin to ribbons, creating such a mess of his form. The blood... for the first time, Dracula knew that it wasn’t worth tasting. He didn’t need to inherit any part of the filth that he was slowly picking apart. Instead, he let it colour the carpet crimson. Occasionally, ripping off a digit, a jet of red would spurt out, splashing the wall.

The screams that ripped through Daniel’s throat concealed the sound of flesh and skin and bone tearing away from each other as Dracula tore his left arm away.

“Never again will you wrap your arms around my [First].”

Daniel was close to fainting. No longer bearing toes or fingers or an arm. He was bleeding profusely. The pain throbbed through his whole body. It was so intense that every other sense was drowning away.

Next came his other arm, torn off wth just as much vigour and he collapsed to his knees, sobbing.

“I don’t think so.”

Digging his hands into the blond locks, Dracula pulled him back up to his feet. His nails cut into the skin, blood flowing over his fingers. How he was able to withstand the stench of the blood, he didn’t know.

“Stay there.”

Dracula stood back to admire his work. Blood was seeping down Daniel’s face, mixing with his tears, dripping from his chin. Where his arms should have been, blood was pouring, too. The white of the bones where his arms should have connected poked out, flesh rugged and torn. Mangled strands of muscle flailed as the body shook with the terror, the shock, the sobs, the screams of utter agony. He was finding it hard to stand with the lack of his toes, each little space where the toe should be losing blood by the second, the whites of the bones also showing.

Dracula snarled, moving forwards once more. Daniel recoiled, but Dracula reached out to grab his nose. A disgusting crack filled the room, followed by a high-pitched, pain filled scream. Dracula twisted, feeling the cartilage crack and bend to his will. He pulled. A long strand of skin, from the bridge of his nose to the top of his hairline came off with the cartilage. Blood erupted from the gaping hole in his face and his eyes rolled back. He collapsed to the ground.

But, he was still conscious.

Dracula took his time dismembering the rest of his body, and then sat for a while, picking the flesh off of the bone, as if bored. He was slumped against the radiator, which was hot against his back. His raven locks were dripping crimson, specks of the same colour on his face. The white shirt was stained a deep red all over and he knew that the moment he left this room, he’d cause uproar.

The room was beginning to really stink of blood and there were chunks of flesh everywhere, over every piece of furniture, the walls, the ceiling. The only thing still intact was his head, resting on the sofa, nose and ears gone, blood oozing from the bottom. Dracula had really made a mess.

His eyes snapped open.

What had he just done...?

What would you say when you found out?

~^*^~

If the fire in the middle of the room wasn’t a cause for concern, the naked vampire standing next to it definitely was.

“Jesus!” Jack cried out, covering his eyes with his hand, “did you suddenly forget that nudism isn’t exactly accepted in the 21st century?”

“Actually, I just had to do a little airing out with some of my clothes.” Dracula explained.

“Is that why you’re having a bonfire in the middle of the apartment?”

“Something like that.” Dracula turned away from Jack, who refused to uncover his eyes.

It was late, and he had simply come to tell Dracula that you were safely dropped off. He wanted to go home almost straight away, but something about the scene he had just walked into made him have a feeling that something wasn’t right.

“Why...?”

“I just told you-“

“No, why are you burning those clothes...? What did you do to them...?”

“I will tell you, Jack, but, you must promise not to fall out with me.” Dracula turned back to him and Jack uncovered his eyes, but held out his hand to block Dracula’s... well, you know, from his vision. The look of disgust was evident on his face.

“Dracula, what did you do?”

“I killed Daniel.”

Jack froze up in shock. Dracula had gone to Daniel’s apartment? Oh god, what was he going to tell you? Was Dracula out of his mind or was he just driven by stupidity? Of course, you were currently in a place of hating Daniel, but for him to be killed by Dracula...

“Again, why...?” Jack asked warily.

“Because he hurt [First].”

“You’re crazy.” Jack whispered.

“Funny, that was one of Daniel’s last words.”

“She won’t forgive you.” Jack stated, stepping backwards towards the door.

“...I know.”

“I’m gonna-“

“Don’t tell her.”

“I have to, Dracula.”

Before he could make it to the door, Dracula had gotten ahold of him, and pinned him against the wall by his neck. The look in his eyes was deranged.

“Don’t.” Dracula growled.

But it didn’t matter if Jack told you or not, because your mother had just received a phone call, and was rushing up the stairs in tears to break some very bad news to you.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker @cryiner @mitsukatsu @piratewhore @your-pixels-are-showing @tardisnesss @ladydovahkiin180 @catwomom @god-of-dramatic-death-scenes @th3rah @viper-queen @mephdcosplay @greghouse7 @faeprinces @kokoro-no-yami @trishaferdream @therealmoni @crazytxgradstudent @sansthelonelypunster @crowley-needs-a-hug @girlonfireice @wasntpriscilla @ivanna6026 @savebensolo-ordie

[siriusmuch]

Friday I’m In Love | Chapter Five

series masterlist here

word count: about 2.6k

warnings: it gets a bit depressing when the reader’s sister is brought up, but overall, it’s a pretty hurt/comfort chapter :)! and it’s super fluffy ;)

taglist: @interestingthingsthings @siriuslysirius1107@scaredofvscogirls @lizlil @themihala @mainstreambitchlife @phenylethyllamine @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @accio-rogers​ @blackpinkdolan​ @nickangel13​ @witchywrter​ please message me or send an ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist! if you didn’t receive a notification, it’s because i can’t tag you.

a/n: i’m SO excited for this chapter and honestly, i was planning on writing more for this, but hopefully this is good for now !! thank you all for being patient with me :) 

-

“You’ve got the wrong person, Princess.”

Your hair hit your face as you whipped around. Almost immediately, your eyes met with gray ones, and your eyes narrowed. The last person you expected was Sirius, and you scoffed.

“Did I not tell you that I’m done with you, Black?” Your voice was icy, but you couldn’t help the pounding of your heart. The tiniest of urges to thank him was immediately pushed down by your grudge. You watched Sirius carefully, and you could see his eyes widen for a fraction of a second. Did he really expect you to go running back at him with just a prank?

“I seem to have a reputation of not following rules. Did you not expect me to do something?”

Your emotions were bubbling, and it took everything in you to contain them. “Well, you seemed to follow the unspoken rule of Gryffindors hating Slytherins quite well... And you even pulled a stereotypical Gryffindor move and decided that all Slytherins were bad.”

You watched Sirius stiffen up the more you spoke, and part of you felt guilty. Despite being a Slytherin, you weren’t as prideful as some of your other house members, and all you wanted to do was jump into his arms and tell him you forgave him. But you refused to let yourself sink to that level — you were ignored for five years. It wasn’t even that you didn’t try reaching out to him.

“Moony, could you give us a minute? You’re done with detention, right?”

You hadn’t been talking to Remus for the past few minutes, but you wished he would stay. He looked over at you, silently asking whether or not you wanted him to stay. You hesitated, before nodding. This was a conversation for you and Sirius only, and as much as you started to let Remus into your life, you knew this was something you needed.

Right before Remus left, he gave you a quick hug, whispering a quick word of assurance before stepping out the door. You watched him leave, nerves starting to build up. You felt much more confident while Remus was in the room. And although Sirius hadn’t talked to you for years, he always had a knack to be able to read you.

Were you even ready to have this conversation?

This was something you’d hoped to have for years. You couldn’t list the amount of letters that you’ve composed, begging for something, anything, from him that you’d burnt up. Or even the ones that you’ve sent for a few years before you realized he’d never read any of them. Or the gifts you got him, the ones that you had spent hours agonizing over before sending him. Everything you did for the first few years during Hogwarts was for him.

You wanted this so badly, but now that you were face to face with Sirius, all you wanted to do was run. 

“Look, (Y/N)...” Sirius started, breaking the silence between the two of you, “Honestly, I don’t know what to say. I’ve been an asshole for the past five years, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“Damn right,” You muttered under your breath. “I can’t... deny that you haven’t been. I’ve been hurt over and over by you, and I didn’t deserve that. No matter the house I’m in. Hell, we’re starting to talk right now, and I still have no clue what you want from me.”

You looked up at Sirius, trying to figure out what was going on behind his eyes. He opened his mouth a few times to speak, although no words came out.

“Alright. I’m going to assume nothing then, or at least nothing important. I can’t tell if you’re not saying anything because of your pride, or if it’s because this entire thing was on impulse. I’m going to go.” Any anger you had was quickly filled with disappointment. You could hear your father’s voice in your head, telling you how all Gryffindors were the same and how they were making a fool out of you, and in turn, you were making a fool of your bloodline.

“No!” Sirius reached out and took a hold of your hand, and you almost jumped at the sparks. You turned to look at him, and you were surprised at how genuine he seemed. “Please don’t go. Not yet, just. Give me a bit,” Sirius begged.

Your eyes softened as you continued to stare at him, and you knew that Sirius knew. His grip on you loosened, but he never once looked away from your eyes. Neither of you spoke, and you knew a thousand messages were being exchanged between you. Your hand was still in his, and you just waited.

“I can’t expect you to forgive me. At least, not yet. But I’m sorry, (Y/N). I’m truly sorry for ignoring you and making it out to seem like I haven’t given a fuck about you for the past five years. When I first started, it was because I was so angry yet so scared, scared that you wanted to talk just so you could break off this friendship,” Sirius paused, and you nodded at him to continue.

“That’s not an excuse for anything, I know. You don’t have to tell me. But then, as time went on, I was so ashamed of doing it and I didn’t know how to stop doing it. And I guess eventually, before this year, I started believing that you were just like everyone else in my family. I mean, you hung around Snivellus and at any house parties I saw you in, you always seemed like you were being the perfect daughter. And... once, a group of Voldemort supporters were at my house, and your parents and sister were there. So I just assumed. But after I saw that howler you got, I got reminded of just how similar you and I were. You hated my parents more than I did, and I completely forgot that we were in the same boat.”

You frowned at him, but you squeezed his hand gently to reassure him. The two of you stood in silence for a moment as you tried to compose all your thoughts.

“Siri,” You started, before hastily correcting yourself, “Black.”

Before you even had a chance to say anything else, Sirius cut you off. “Sirius is fine, (Y/N). Please don’t call me by my last name. I’ve always been Sirius to you, and I don’t want that to change.”

You smirked a bit at that, but you continued speaking. “Sirius, I don’t know what to say. I can’t forgive you,” you paused when you noticed his frown, “but it doesn’t mean that I won’t in the future. I’m a little scared that this is going to be a one time thing,” you confessed.

“It’s not! I swear to Merlin, it’s not.” Sirius quickly jumped in, and you squeezed his hand again.

“And I can’t tell you that I believe that that’s true right now either. It’s been five years, Sirius. Even though we were close before, it’s going to take a while before I allow myself to fully trust you again. It’s not that I don’t want to, because believe me, every ounce of self-control is thrown out the window when it comes to you. It’s taking me everything to not just forgive you on the spot,” your voice was somber as you continued to speak, “And I don’t think anything is going to be the same as it once was. You might think you miss me, but I’m different now. I’m not the same naive child I once was, nor are you. You might realize that you don’t want to be friends with me anymore.”

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I really am,” Sirius brought his free hand up to your cheek, wiping away the few tears that escaped your eyes. You hadn’t even realized that you started crying at some point. Your eyes flicked down a moment as you tried not to close yourself off, but with one glance up at Sirius, you realized that he was about to cry as well.

“And, about the Voldemort supporter thing? I can’t deny that my parents don’t support him. They do, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Nothing I can do would stop them from doing so.” Your nose crinkled in disgust.

“If you couldn’t tell already, mine do too.” He gave you the slightest of smiles, and suddenly, you burst into laughter, instinctively leaning into Sirius. Seconds later, Sirius did the same, and the two of you just couldn’t stop. There was someone who truly understood what having Death Eater parents was like, and you felt the slightest of weights on your shoulder being lifted. Every time you and Sirius looked at each other, you both couldn’t help laughing even harder.

Within the next few minutes, you were finally able to calm down from laughing, the slightest of chuckles still lingering. The awkward atmosphere in the room had long left, and the two of you were closer than you had been in five years. You welcomed this feeling back with a grin at Sirius.

“I have a question, though,” Sirius started. You lifted an eyebrow, waiting. “That day in the hospital... You mentioned that you wish you were in your sisters place. And during the Hallowe’en Feast, you let it slip that your sister was dead. Are you... Nevermind, that’s a stupid question. Do you want to talk about it?”

You couldn’t stop your shoulders from tensing up. You sighed, looking away from Sirius before he gently nudged you, trying to get you to look back at him. You took a moment to ponder whether or not you really wanted to say anything about what had happened.

“Not... really,” You sighed, “I don’t like thinking about how it happened, or even why it happened. But I was telling you the truth. There’s been plenty of times I wished it were me. And when I said that it was your fault, don’t blame yourself too much. You didn’t know, no one did. Plus, it wasn’t entirely you. There’s been... other things.”

Sirius nodded, and he mindlessly ran his thumb against the back of your hand. It was like he was doing it out of comfort, like how he used to when you were younger, and you appreciated that he still remembered. Or at least, even if he didn’t, that he still knew to do it instinctively. 

“I don’t like thinking about her. I know you used to look up to her when you were younger, but don’t think she was a Voldemort supporter. I know you saw her with my parents, but she didn’t have a choice. She’s like me, a bit. We both don’t have the courage it takes to be like you, Sirius. You stand up against your parents, or, as well as you can, from what Reg tells me. I’ve never been able to do that as well as you have.” You sighed, “But enough about that.”

Sirius’ lips pursed, and you could tell that he wanted to say more. To ask about what happened, to get everything out of you. But you couldn’t — even if you felt more comfortable with Sirius than you had that morning, you still felt just the slightest bit uneasy thinking about telling him what’d really been going on in your life for the past five years.

“That day in the hospital... You also happened to mention something else,” Sirius started, and you tried racking your brain for what it was, “You said that you were trying to get over me... Platonically and romantically.”

Oh.

You blinked owlishly at him as the memory settled in your brain, and you could feel your cheeks start burning red. You tried pulling your hand away from his, but Sirius held on a bit tighter. “I’m not judging, Princess, but...” Sirius raised an eyebrow at you.

You bit your lip, swallowing nervously as you looked anywhere but at Sirius. You knew he was seeing you vulnerable, but your hand was still in his. You didn’t want to pull away from the feeling just yet, but you were so jittery.

“Well...” You started, “Um. I may or may not have been in l-love with you for the past few years. Or maybe my entire life. I can’t remember not being in love with you.” You admitted, your voice growing quiet as you tried your best to control your stammer.

The silence between the two of you was practically destroying you, so you rushed to continue speaking, “I-I mean, I don’t expect you to feel the same for me or anything like that. We haven’t talked in five years, and like, I heard you and Marlene had a thing for a while, so. Plus, I only mentioned it because I thought you hated me and that we’d never speak again after it, and I thought getting it off my chest would help, but...” You laughed nervously, and you hated how it sounded like one of the girls who’d fake giggle around Sirius.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Sirius said, and your heart dropped. You hadn’t even realized that you were holding your breath, or that your hopes had gotten up a bit. You didn’t even realize that Sirius’ grip had loosened, so you pulled your hand away and wiped them on your robes. “I hope you still want to be my friend, or at least, still want me to try and get you to forgive me. But I just don’t feel the same way.”

If you’d been looking at Sirius, you’d notice that he silently had smacked his face. But instead, you were staring across the room, your eyes darting around and at anywhere but at him.

After a moment, you finally looked back up at Sirius. “It’s alright, it’s what I expected. But now that you know, I can finally get over you in peace,” You nudged him, trying to bring back the ease from earlier. But, it seemed to had the opposite effect. Sirius crossed his arms and had an obvious sour expression on his face, and for the life of you, you couldn’t tell where you went wrong. Your brows furrowed, and you wished you were able to read him as well as you used to be able to — it sucked, not knowing what was going on in his head.

“It’s... not because of you or anything. I just don’t think I’d be able to settle down. And from what I can tell, that’s what you want, right?” Sirius lied, not that you would know. You nodded, a sad look on your face, but you didn’t blame him. “You’ve always been important to me, (Y/N), and even though I haven’t been able to show that, you’re not like everyone else. I don’t want to give this a try and disappoint you.”

You nodded again, reaching out to grab onto Sirius’ hand. You hoped that your eyes conveyed just how understanding you were about all of this. Even though he didn’t want to give a try, nor felt any romantic sparks towards you at all, it was just nice to have him back in your life. Nice to have someone who knew you and knew you better than you knew yourself. Nice to have someone who truly cares and understands.

And when Sirius gave a gentle squeeze back, you knew that maybe it was okay for you to hope again.

[vs-redemption]

The Ball (Historical AU)

Teen!Keigo Takami x Teen!Toya Todoroki

Summary: Set in the 18th century, Keigo  goes to his first ball after finally turning sixteen. His family has groomed to be the perfect gentleman, but everything about his upbringing is challenged once he meets an interesting boy named Toya Todoroki.

Word Count: 2,639

Warnings: None

It was the beginning of spring and the cherry trees around the Takami estate were beginning to come back to life after surviving the harsh cold of winter. The tiny buds growing from the formally barren branches would soon bloom into thousands of tiny white blossoms, making the trees look like big fluffy pink clouds. Keigo strolled along the edge of the lake on the property, reminiscing about his childhood when he used to run through the trees and pretend that he was a bird that had taken flight for the first time. Even just imagining that kind of freedom back then had brought joy for the boy who had been cooped up in his family’s manor his entire life.

Keigo’s parents were quite strict and had chosen to keep him close so that they could monitor his education and behavior. They had even hired a private teacher to instruct him in all the necessary subjects as well as proper etiquette for someone of his social standing. The boy had excelled in all his studies, working diligently to prove that he could be trusted if only his parents would relinquish just a bit of their control. Nothing he did ever seemed to be enough however, so he spent his days longing for friendship and adventure.

Things would be a little different this year though. Keigo had celebrated his sixteenth birthday just a few months prior which meant he was now eligible for marriage. His parents had discussed in length over whether or not he was ready to make his debut into high-born society and surmised that even if he wasn’t, continuing to keep him out of the public eye now would just make him look less appealing as a suitor. So, for the first time ever, Keigo had the promise of a chance to finally see the world outside his family’s estate. All he had to do was be on his best behavior and wait patiently for the invitation to the next ball to be delivered. Mercifully, he didn’t need to wait much longer as the unmistakable sound of a horse coming up the road towards the house met his ears.

Two weeks later, Keigo found himself standing in front of a floor length mirror as one of the servants helped dress him in the brand new set of formal clothing his parents had purchased just for the occasion. He couldn’t stop himself from fidgeting with the ends of his jacket and the buttons of his waistcoat as the servant began to tame his wild sandy blonde hair with a comb.

“Are you nervous?” she asks kindly and Keigo shakes his head.

“Excited,” he corrects her. As far as he was concerned, there was nothing to be nervous about. He’d studied the names of all the families attending the ball and had been practicing all the most popular dances since he was old enough to walk. He’d memorized all the proper greetings and knew the appropriate times to stand, sit, speak, or remain quiet. He was ready for this.

“Well you shouldn’t move around so much,” she swats his hands away from his collar so he’d stop messing with it. “Ladies prefer a gentleman that is poised.” Keigo scrunches up his face and earns himself a whap on the head. “Ladies also prefer a gentleman that doesn’t make silly faces.”

Keigo wanted to point out that ladies didn’t sound very fun at all, but knew the comment would not be appreciated. He understood what was expected of him and planned to make a great first impression on all the new people he would meet that day. He didn’t have any particularly strong feelings about marriage, but he knew it was one of the duties he had to uphold for his family. He tried to keep that in mind despite being most excited just to see anything other than the same scenery he’d always been surrounded by.

He drew on every ounce of self-control he possessed to keep composed after he finally climbed into the carriage with his parents. The driver called out to the horses and they lurched forward. Keigo fought the urge to press his face to the window as the dull familiarity of his estate gave way to brand new views of landscapes and buildings he’d never seen before. It was impossible to keep the wonder out of his wide golden eyes as they made it into town where the streets were alive with people meandering from shop to shop. He saw young children skipping around together as their parents stopped to converse with friends and neighbors. Keigo envied the young ones who would never truly understand the feelings of boredom and loneliness. The buildings thinned out and the carriage rolled into a less populated area with large beautiful brick houses surrounded by various styles of gardens. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or disappointed when they finally turned onto a long driveway that would take him to their destination.

As the massive home came into view, it became blaringly obvious that the family hosting the ball was more than a touch richer than the Takami family. Up close, the colossal manor seemed more like a castle to Keigo and he openly marveled at the gorgeous fountain decorating the center of the impressive roundabout driveway. If this was just the outside, he could scarcely imagine what the inside would be like. Once the carriage came to a complete stop, a servant opened the door and greeted them formally.

“I hope you had an easy journey,” he bows and helps each member of the Takami family out of the carriage. “Welcome to the Todoroki estate.” The family is ushered inside so that the next guests could be received. Keigo follows his parents into the building since they seemed to know their way around well enough.

Walking into the ballroom felt like entering into a whole other world. It was larger than any of the rooms in the Takami manor and was filled with more people than Keigo had ever seen. There was so much to look at that it was a bit overwhelming for him. His eyes tried to take it all in as they moved over the multitude of colors and fashions of clothing and jewelry, not to mention the people themselves. The first few minutes were a blur of introductions and Keigo was thankful that most of these people had been described to him beforehand since it would be impossible to remember them all otherwise. Finally, it was time to meet the host himself, Enji Todoroki, along with his wife and four children. It was rather intimidating to meet such a powerful family, but years of meticulous training helped Keigo stay calm and polite. Once the adults were deep in conversation, he found himself the center of attention for the Todoroki siblings.

“It’s so lovely to finally meet you, Keigo. My name is Fuyumi.” The only sister gives a small curtesy and Keigo bows politely back. He didn’t want to startle anyone with his excitement even though he was delighted to meet other people his own age.

“Likewise,” he takes her hand gently for a moment before stepping back. “I like your dress. The color compliments the red in your hair.” Fuyumi flushes a bit but the moment is ruined by a loud scoff from the oldest brother.

“Oh, what a gentleman!” he exclaims sarcastically with a look of bored amusement on his face. He claps his hands together twice before slumping his shoulders and rolling his lazy blue eyes. “Please tell me you’re not planning on using those tiresome lines all evening. If you want to marry my sister, just say it plainly and spare us all.”

“Toya!” Fuyumi looks at her brother in horror. It had been a long time since Keigo had the misfortune of being embarrassed, so the sensation of warmth spreading into his face felt a bit foreign.

“I apologize if my words were misinterpreted,” he tries to recover. “I only meant that…”

“Oh,” Toya interrupts with a frown. “So you don’t think she’s worthy of your affections then?” Keigo tried to keep the stress of the situation off his face but he had no clue just what to do. He had thought he could navigate his way through any situation. Apparently he’d overestimated himself. The second oldest brother lets out a laugh but tries to cover it as a cough causing Toya to smirk. Keigo felt humiliated and wondered if he’d be forced to leave. If that happened, surely his parents would never let him out again.

“Leave him be, both of you!” Fuyumi reprimands her brothers as quietly as possible before looking back at Keigo, her expression softening. “This is your first ball, correct?” He nods once and Fuyumi smiles. “Well rest assured you’re conducting yourself far better than my brothers here. I envy the girl who gets to be your first dance.” Keigo glances nervously over at Toya.

“What are you looking over here for? It’s blatant she wants you to ask her,” He comments flatly before suddenly standing up straight and putting a hand to his chest. There was a strange glint in his eyes as he grinned and leaned forward. “Or were you thinking of dancing with me instead?” The mere suggestion startles Keigo and he falters for a response.

“Toya!” Fuyumi hisses again while glancing nervously at their father who had turned around to check on them. “What will Keigo think of us after a question like that?”

“I hope things are going well over here,” Enji’s fierce blue eyes scanned over each of his children in an almost threatening way. Fuyumi and the two younger brothers corrected their posture under the gaze of their father, but Toya continued to slouch defiantly. It was peculiar that he acted so differently than his family members when he was the one who resembled the father closest with his deep red hair and icy blue stare.

“Things could not be any better, father!” He declares almost obnoxiously, “Keigo here was just about to beg my sister for the first dance.”

“Oh, how lovely!” Keigo’s mother seemed delighted.

“Yes that’s fine, Toya, but you’d do well to mind your theatrics.” The senior Todoroki’s voice comes out low and menacing, and Keigo catches him grab Toya’s wrist quickly and give it a sharp squeeze. Toya winches and pulls his arm away.

“I’d be honored if you allowed me the first dance,” Keigo bows to Fuyumi, hoping to direct the conversation away from Enji’s anger toward Toya. Fuyumi curtsies back and accepts the offer. Enji signals the pianist and an announcement is made for guests to begin partnering up. Keigo walks with Fuyumi to find a place amongst the other couples and soon the song begins. Even with all the hours of practice, he still felt a dash of nerves. Thankfully, Fuyumi was confident in her steps and made it easy for him to lead the dance. Once the first song had ended, she introduces him to one of her friends to share the next dance. Before he knew it, he had danced with nearly every young lady in the room. Before the exhaustion forced him to reject some poor girl, someone else grabbed him by the arm and pulled him from the dance floor and off to the side of the room.

“You know you’re allowed to take a break, right?” Keigo takes a second to get his bearings, then discovers that he’d been dragged away by Toya Todoroki. He glances over at his parents who either hadn’t noticed or didn’t care that he was no longer dancing.

“I didn’t want to offend anyone,” he admits. “There are so many people.”

“Don’t let the attention go to your head,” Toya frowns while leaning casually against the wall with his hands crossed over his chest. “It’s simply because you’re a new face and everyone wants to know why you were kept locked up until now.”

“Oh,” Keigo just wanted to fit in as a normal guest, not double as a sideshow for everyone else’s amusement.

“Hey,” Toya suddenly leans in closer, catching Keigo off guard once again with his piercing blue eyes looking directly into his. “Don’t look so upset. People are attracted to the unknown,” Toya grins while patting Keigo once on the cheek, “and you’re a mystery.” There was no time to understand the boy’s meaning because Toya quickly retreats back to the wall.

“So,” he slides effortlessly into a new conversation while Keigo continued to wrap his head around what had just happened. Toya waves his arm garishly around the room, “which of the girls do you think is the prettiest?”

“I think they’re all pretty,” Keigo replies honestly. Toya rolls his eyes.

“Yes,” he agrees shortly, “they are. They’re all pretty, talented, intelligent, fashionable and every other thing you’d expect them to be. But which of them do you want to marry?” Keigo knew he should probably stop being surprised at Toya asking such questions so abruptly. He didn’t have the faintest idea how to reply, however.

“Do you really expect me to have an answer already?” He ask, “This is the first time I’ve met any of them.” Something akin to victory appears in Toya’s eyes.

“They say dancing is the first step to falling in love,” his voice was teasing now. “You’ve been out on the floor all evening, so it stands to reason you must have felt a certain connection with at least one of them.” Keigo couldn’t help but worry if what Toya was saying had even the tiniest bit of truth to it because not a single one of his dance partners had stood out from the rest. They had all been equally pleasant.

“Is there something wrong with me?” Keigo looks to Toya with uncertainty. Perhaps he shouldn’t have voiced his concerns out loud, but there was something about the eldest Todoroki sibling that consistently made Keigo feel vulnerable anyway. Toya lets out a sarcastic laugh.

“For being unwilling to trade one cage for another?” he asks in amusement. “I dare say the problem is with everyone else, not you.” There was a brief pause, and then Toya moves back into Keigo’s personal space one more time.

“You know my life used to be so dull,” he smirks. “But I don’t think it needs to be anymore. You and I seem to be kindred spirits, so I think that we should be friends.” Keigo agrees right away, though deep down he knew some might frown upon the relationship. Toya challenged everything he’d ever been brought up to believe, but that very fact alone gave him the same sensation of freedom he used to get while running through the cherry trees back home.

The ball slowly began to wind down and Keigo’s parents finally came to find him so that they could begin the journey home. They’d already called for the carriage, but Keigo made sure to find the host and the other Todoroki siblings to thank them for the invitation before departing. On the ride home, he pondered over the discussion he’d had with Toya. Perhaps he wasn’t interested in marrying any of the girls he’d become acquainted with because he already knew exactly what sort of life to expect from them. People were attracted to the unknown, and Toya was definitely a type of person he’d never encountered before. The anticipation of seeing the boy again was almost too much for Keigo and he wondered just how soon they’d be able to meet again. He’d spent sixteen years being locked up in the Takami estate, and now he had found someone that made him feel as if he could grow wings and take flight for the very first time.

[royallyprincesslilly]

Title: Love, Maybe? {32}

Chris Evans X Reader OFC Vixen Giovanni

Warning: Cursing, Plot, Slow, Smoldering, Torturous Burn 😊, 

Word Count: 7.2K

Summary: After a night of drunkenness you wake up next to warm, hot as hell body, a migraine and no memory of the night before. When you come to realize that the hot body belongs to none other than Hollywood’s golden boy Chris Evans you freak out. As events unfold you become even more panicked to find out you got married in your drunken haze. What else is there to do but get it annulled, right? Before walking away, you share one more night of molten kisses and passion. Three years later you are still living with the repercussions of your brash decisions, but the surprises don’t stop there. The past has a way of coming back and have you questioning is this fate that you’ve been running from, hell could it have been love, maybe?

Note: Italic texts is an inner Vixen thought. Bold Italic texts is an inner Chris thought.

**Slightly Edited/Proofread**

***Interactive***

Thank you guys for reading!!!! If you enjoyed this please LIKE, COMMENT, REBLOG. 😊 ❤️  ❤️ ❤️

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 32: The Big Two!!!

-Vixen-

  “Everyone ready?”

  Your parents, Nexus and Chris all nodded. You opened the door, and all of you walked into Ella’s room. She was still fast asleep. As you approached, you all just gawked at her sleeping frame. She was sheer perfection. You had a flash of the last two years and every milestone, every smile, every ounce of joy she’d brought you and you teared up. Nexus nudged you, and you looked around at them as the tears fell.

  “Sorry. Okay, let’s go.”

  Everyone began singing “happy birthday.” By the time you got to the third repetition, Ella stirred and opened her eyes to look at all of you sing. Her smile lite up her face, and she slid to the headboard of the bed to watch all of you. Her big eyes went to each of you. She was only two, but you knew her soul was much older. She saw with more than just her eyes. When the song finished Dodger bounded in leaping onto the bed and licked at her face. She giggled and squirmed around the bed. Chris took hold of Dodger trying to get him under control through his laughs.

  “Happy Birthday Kristella,” you said holding out the extra large cupcake to her that had two lit candles sticking out. She smiled widely.

“Make a wish lucky charm,” your father urged. Ella put a thoughtful look on her face then smiled again.

  “I want a pony.” Everyone laughed and shook their heads.

  “Nice try.” She giggled and blew out the candles. Everyone around her clapped their hands and cheered. Even Dodger got in on the noise and barked to his heart’s content. You handed her the cupcake, and she wasted no time devouring it. Dodger licked at her lap catching every crumb that fell then jumped on her again licking at her mouth, trying to literally take the food out her mouth.

  You stood there watching her and looked around to your family, Chris included. This was his first birthday with her, and despite everything you were happy he was around. His eyes met yours, and he scrunched his nose as if asking if you were okay. Nodding you focused back on Ella and sat beside her.

  “So, birthday girl, what do you want to do?”

  “Poowl.”

  Again, everyone laughed. The next several minutes were spent in her room, chatting and laughing and just enjoying being together. Last year this time it was just your family and a few of your friends. This year things would be a lot different and a lot more crowded.

  Every time your eyes met Chris’,  you could tell he was full of emotion. You worried he was thinking about the fact he’d missed two birthdays before this one. You hoped he wasn’t resenting you for it. When he was the first to look away that worry turned into a deep fear. It had to have been a lot, you thought to yourself. As easy as you wanted the day to go you had a nagging feeling that today would not go as planned.

  After everyone sat in amazement just watching her, breakfast was on the agenda next. You made your father’s famous cornmeal porridge, and everyone enjoyed it even Chris, who admitted it was his first time having the staple dish from your childhood. Everyone joked because he’d never had any black in his life until now, then teased him about that old tired line “Once you go black you never go back.” You rolled your eyes at them when their eyes fell to you and made sure to refrain from looking at Chris. He was gracious about the teasing and even slid in a little joke about “once you go white you just might take a second bite.” You thought back to the same thought you had three years ago when you first saw him in the bed. Everyone loved it and hollered with laughter. That was when you knew your parents and even your sister had fully accepted him into the fold. Yet another chain was secured around you and Ella.  

  After breakfast and a little pool time, you, Nexus, and Chris went to the venue to inspect the grounds leaving Ella behind with your parents. What you saw when you got there blew your mind. It looked like a two-year-old’s dream come to life. Everything she could possibly want was there, balloons galore, bouncy houses of plenty, games, and sweets. That was just the beginning though. When you saw the actual living pony your jaw dropped. You knew just who to look at.

  Chris pinched his lips and tried to give you an innocent look. You weren’t buying it. “A pony, Chris, really?”

  “Look, my daughter said she wanted a pony for her birthday, and I am gonna give her that darn pony.” His tone was assertive but playful all at once. Everyone snickered around you. You simply shook your head.

  “Two and already you’re wrapped around her pinky. It’s sad, Evans.” He smiled wide and fanned you off.

  The inspection continued, and everything you saw was perfect. It was just how you’d imagined, and the venue itself was so beautiful. Nature was Ella’s thing. She loved flowers and being out on the grass and sunshine, so this place was a no brainer. Not to mention it was private and secure. Chris made sure to hire plenty of security for the day and made sure this was kept top secret. You both were on the same page about keeping Ella protected at all costs. Fame was a disease, and it spread quickly if precautions were not taken—Chris’ words.

  You spoke with the catering manager who was setting up and inspected all the dishes. If you weren’t doing the cooking you wanted to remain as hands-on as possible when it came to the food. It was tough for you to just leave it up to someone else; it was an important day. After fifteen minutes of checking and overseeing, you stepped away tried to get away from momzilla mode. You made it to a nearby creek and stared into the water at the Koi fish happily flitting in the water. It was relaxing, so relaxing you didn’t hear Chris approach.

  “So, everything to your liking?” You nodded.

  “Yes, they did incredible. Ella will love it.”

  “Good, I’m glad. I’m really excited for her to see it. I can already imagine her big ol’ eyes,” Chris said while bugging his eyes for emphasis. He looked just like her.

  “It’s insane how much you two look alike. That was all her just now.” He smiled wide again.

  “Was it hard?”

  “Was what hard?” He was staring into the creek; then, he looked to you.

  “Was it hard having her look so much like me?”

  You held his gaze and bit your tongue. What were you going to say?

  “Hell yeah, it was hard. You try looking at your child and seeing her father who shredded my self confidence and trust I had in my ability to read and assess people.”

  You cleared your throat and looked away back to the fish. “I uh—I don’t think I know what you mean.”

  “Yeah, you do.”

  You scoffed, he’d just called you out and seen right through your façade. You didn’t know how you felt about that. Again, you cleared your throat.

  “I mean—it wasn’t easy.” Chris nodded but kept quiet. After almost two minutes, he began again.

  “Vixen, about that night and yesterday--.”

  “Vix!”

  The two of you looked back to see Nexus waving you over. You nodded. “Come on.” You walked off first.

  The five of you finished looking over the venue and signing off on everything then made your way back to the house. On the drive, your mind was a thousand miles away. You wondered what he was going to say before he was interrupted. It could have been anything, and that was what made you think even harder about it. Was he going to apologize for it? Maybe, say he regretted it?

  Before you knew it, the near forty-minute drive was over, and you were again back at the house. Once you climbed out Ella was running toward you completely naked with a massive smile on her face. Your laugh was the loudest it had been in weeks. Back in San Francisco Ella loved to walk around naked. At any given moment she would rip all her clothes off and just chill in the nude. It was hilarious when you were home but not so funny when you were out, and she had the urge for freedom. You lifted her in your arms and tickled her.

  “She literally jumped out of the bath when she heard the car,” your mother informed. Laughing, you kissed her all over her face.

  “Naked again, huh.” Ella smiled wide and nodded.

  “No cwose.”

  “Really? So that means you’re not going to wear the amazing dress I got you for your big day?” Ella looked to you with curiosity shining in her eyes.

  “Yeah, it’s gorgeous. Pink. Poofy. Oh so cute, and did I say unicorns?” Her eyes lit up, and you smiled.

  “But if you don’t want to wear clothes, then we’ll just have to throw it in the garbage.” You put her down and continued to walk. She stood there in the front yard, and you knew the look on her face was a focused defiant one. She was weighing her options. You knew before you got to the door she’d be whistling a different tune.

  Sure enough, once you stepped off the grass, she screamed.

  “Mama, no thow way, mine.” You smiled.

  “You have to catch me to get it.” You ran back onto the grass, and she chased you. Every time she was close you evaded her. The defiant look faded, and she was soon laughing and squealing.

  “Da-da, hewp!” As if on command, Chris chased after you with serious intent in his eyes. You took off and evaded him as well.

  After a minute, the two of them had ganged up on you and were coming from either side of you. Chris ducked down and grasped your legs then threw you over his shoulder, forcing a scream from you.

  “Got her!” Ella squealed and ran to his side. With his other hand, he took her up and threw her over his other shoulder.

  “Gah oo mama, gah oo.”

  Another ten minutes found you and Ella in her bathtub together, just like old times. As you washed, you played and chatted about random things. You loved moments like these with her. Loved when everything slowed down and nothing else mattered but you and her talking, laughing and cuddling. You were so in love with this little girl you doubted you could love another living soul this way.  A little more than halfway through, the bathroom door opened and Chris stood there half dressed. When he realized what he’d walked in on he immediately turned his back.

  “I’m sorry. I thought you were giving her a bath, not taking one.”

  You didn’t feel embarrassed or even shy. You should have, the last time you’d been this naked in front of him was the night at his house. You felt the opposite of shy or embarrassed. “It’s fine. You can turn around. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.”

  “Where the hell did that come from?”

  Chris’ back remained turned. “That was a long time ago. Time changes everything.” You smirked.

  “Are you saying--.” Chris cleared his throat loudly.

  “I don’t know what I’m saying.”

  “You can turn around, Chris.”

  Slowly he turned to face you. You saw his eyes quickly roam lower than your face, but they snapped right back up.

  “I um—I actually came to give Ella a gift.” You nodded, and he proceeded and approached the side of the tub then stooped down.

  “Um—Ella--.” He froze and looked like a deer caught in headlights. You wondered what he was thinking or what was wrong. You couldn’t decipher the look, but you did recognize something that looked like fear.

  “Chris?”

  He shook his head, took a deep breath, and released it. “Later.” He stood and walked out the bathroom leaving you stunned and confused. Ella, on the other hand, went right back to playing with her toys.

  “What the heck was that?”

  ~~~~~~~~

  When you all walked downstairs, everyone was waiting for you. “May I present, Kristella Raelle the official birthday girl.”

  She came downstairs decked out in her unicorn birthday tutu outfit with a bright smile. Everyone let out an audible “aw.”

  “It meeee!” She posed with her hands high in the air. Just like that, she stole the show. Chris came forward and dropped to one knee and gently took her hand.

“You’re a beautiful princess.” Ella smiled shyly, then hid her face on his chest and latched her arms around his neck. Chris wrapped his arms around her and hugged her. Your eyes met Nexus’ who smiled and looked near melting. She was supposed to be the strong one.

  When you all walked outside a bus, and another car pulled up. Once they parked, Anthony got out the car and walked toward Nexus, and all the Evans’ poured out the bus that was playing some kidz bop playlist. You looked to Nexus who was hugging onto Anthony before she let him go to shake your father’s hand and kiss your mother’s cheek. When he came up to you he hugged you.

  “What a surprise.”

  “Is it really? Wherever she is, I’ll go,” Anthony responded with a smile and wink to your sister. You smiled.

  “Thank you for coming, man.” Chris greeted him with a brotherly hug.

  “Of course. Am I officially the godfather yet? I’d make an amazing black godfather right.” You laughed and shook your head.

  “Play your cards right, and you might be uncle instead,” you hinted. Anthony gave a wide toothy smile as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Really, the “not the settling down kind” is settling down?”

  “Enough about me--.” He bent down to Ella, took her hand, and shook it. “Hi there birthday girl, I’m Anthony. Happy birthday!” She smiled and nodded.

  “I two.”

  “I see. A great age. Your auntie Nex has your gift for later, okay.” Ella nodded just as Chris’ family came over.

  “What are you guys doing here?

  “We talked with Vixen, she thought it would be nice to have everyone arrive together, that way the kids can all get some time together,” Carly informed. Chris looked at you, and you smiled and nodded.

  You watched Chris’ niece and nephews run to Ella and hug her. Surprisingly she accepted the hugs and didn’t cry. When Chris’ niece took her hand and led her toward the bus, Ella walked off with them. After a few steps, she stopped and looked back at you. Giving her a reassuring nod, you fanned her off. She smiled and continued walking. The rest of you followed and climbed onto the bus that was decked out with everything a kid could want. It didn’t take long for the pre-party to start and you were relieved there was no tension in the air.

  ~~~~~~~~

“Oh my god, it’s perfect,” Lisa exclaimed taking in every detail.

  You had to admit it was even more astonishing completed. There were already quite a few people there, and you guessed they were friends of Chris and his family. As you walked around, you were relieved when you saw some of your friends from San Fran. Drea, Jia, Joan, and Angie pulled you into a group hug. It was a hug you didn’t know you needed, a hug you were grateful for. They all spoke at once about different things; Drea talked about the venue, Joan about the other party guest, Angie talked about the cute guys, and Jai about how cute Ella looked.

  All of them played a significant role in making you who you were now. You and Joan went to culinary school together and became thick as thieves. Jai and Drea were your college friends, and they were the ones to credit to your wild party ways back in Vegas. Angie was a mutual friend of yours and Nexus who you’d met her through. All of them knew you before you had what you had now. All of them were there for you when they found out you were pregnant and all of them had remained by your side. You were nervous to have them here to officially meet Chris. When all the revelations began you’d told them over group Facetime and all their jaws hit the floor. None of them spoke badly about you, they joked about how much of a freak you were, but they never degraded you.

  Ella ran to your legs giggling. All your friends dropped down to her and fawned all over her and how cute she looked. Ella ate it up. She loved being the center of attention, loved being complimented. You watched on adoringly and shook your head at her antics. When she’d had enough, she ran away again, finding one of her cousins. From across the grass your eyes met Chris’. He smiled warmly, and it made your heart pound.

  “Let’s hit the bar,” Angie’s voice broke through before you were pulled away, breaking the eye contact.

  You passed several people and welcomingly smiled at each of them. Once you got to the bar and ordered your drinks, the six of you then found some seats away from any groups.

  “Finally. Girl, there are a lot of white guys here.” You laughed loudly and shook your head.

  “You are in Boston.”

  “Speaking of Boston. Vixen! Your baby daddy is Chris fuckin’ Evans!”

  Nexus clasped her hand over Jai’s mouth. You hoped no one heard her.

  “Sorry, but my god. Who knew you had that much fun in Vegas.” Again the six of you cackled.

  “No wonder Ella has blue eyes. Like how we didn’t put two and two together is unfathomable,” Drea added.

  “So, how are things going with you two?”

  “Fine. He’s adjusting. He’s really good with Ella. She told me the other day she likes him. things are—surprisingly great.”

  “And how are things down—there,” Joan signaled to your crotch. You gasped and gaped at her.

  “Oh hell no, that is how we know the situation is dire,” Angie exclaimed. The five of them laughed at you. You weren’t amused. Glaring at Nexus she pinched her lips.

  “Hey, hey, we can’t all gang up on her.”

  “Maybe that’s what she needs to finally, finally, finally get a nut.”

  Your jaw dropped. You could not believe they were ganging up on you about your sex life—or lack thereof.

  “On second thought, I can believe it.”

  You sipped your drink and sat quietly with your nose turned up like some uppity housewife.

  “Okay, Vixen. What is the problem?”

  “There is no problem? We are parents; we share a child. Neither of us want anything beyond that,” you flat out lied through your teeth. You were surprised the good lord didn’t strike you down.

  They all just stared at you, not speaking one word. Each of their expressions equated to one collective thought.

  “You are a damn liar, and we know it,” Jai voiced. They all nodded collectively.

  “Vixen?” Looking back, you saw Chris approaching with his hands up.

  “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.”

  “Oh you are not interrupting at all. Chris let me introduce you to our friends--,” Nexus began as she stood. “This is Drea.” She took his offered hand and curtsied like he was some royal. “Jai.”

  Jai took his hand with the tips of hers and shook it. “Charmed.” You pinched your lips together, trying to hold in the laugh.

  “This is Joan.” Joan was the sensible one who just smiled wide and nodded her head profusely as if she were a bobblehead. “Angie.” Angie was the one to pull him into a tight hug.

  “Oh my god, he’s really that muscular in real life. His shoulders are built for gripping as you--.”

  You cleared your throat loudly, shaking your head at your friends. Chris looked amused. When he looked back at you, you gave a demure smile.

  “It’s very nice to meet you all. Any friend of Nex and Vix is a friend of mine. Thank you all for coming.” Again, your friends nodded as if their mouths didn’t work. On second thought, you were glad they didn’t speak again. You never knew what was going to come out next. Chris turned to you.

  “I came over because I uh—wanted to introduce you around to my people so everyone knows who you are. Hopefully, after today, they’ll no longer just be my people, but ours—yours.” It was a sweet gesture. You smiled and nodded.

  “Yeah. Give me a second. I’ll be there.” Chris nodded, looked back to your friends, and smiled warmly. “It was great meeting you guys again; I hope we have time to talk later.”

  “Bet your ass we will,” Jai responded. Nexus stood there snickering while doing a lousy job trying to hide it. Chris walked away smiling.

  “You heifers are the worst!”

  “And you are a damn liar if I’ve ever seen one! Vixen Star Giovanni, what is the problem?” Angie cornered with her arms crossed. The others looked equally as confrontational.

  “What?”

  “You said neither of you is interested in more. That man is clearly interested in more,” Joan took over.

  “What?”

  “And so are you,” Jai added.

  “Mmm, this tea is delicious,” Nexus remarked as she sipped from her glass.

  “Oh shut up, that is not tea, you not slick. Look I have to go. All of you behave, don’t make the white people uncomfortable. Remember your home training,” you joked before you turned and walked away.

  Chris introduced you to so many people; there was no way you were going to remember them all. There were aunts, uncles, cousins, best friends, distant relatives, old classmates, acquaintances. It seemed everyone who had every brushed past him was at this party. As he spoke with them, they didn’t seem like strangers. They all seemed like family. He spoke warmly to them all, laughed and joked and embraced them all. It was here you saw he was a charming and likable guy. Everybody loved Chris.

  “You never had a chance. It was inevitable.”

  After nearly an hour, you were in the middle of conversation surrounded by quite a few Evans’ and it really did seem like bygones were bygones and you were grateful. When you drifted away on your own, you looked around at everyone and everything, and it felt like such a perfect day. Ella happily played with a group of children including her cousins, your parents were talking to Chris’ mother and a few other grownups, your friends were mingling and even looked to be enjoying themselves, and no one looked angry, or uncomfortable it was like everyone seamlessly fit together despite everything.

  “Penny for your thoughts.” His voice was deep and low ad without turning around you knew it was his. A chill ran up your spine, making you shiver. When you turned around, he had a slight smile on his face.

  “Just a penny? Aren’t you some mega-superstar movie actor? Shouldn’t you be able to afford a lot more than a penny?”

  He smiled wider and held out one of the glasses he held. “I can; I can afford to give you the world if you want it, Vixen. Say the word.”

  “Holy shit.”

  Just like that, your mouth ran dry, and you were sure you were going to pass out from the lack of oxygen flowing through you. They were words, but they packed a hell of a punch. You quickly took the glass and downed its contents in one breath.

  “Woah, slow down, that was Whiskey.”

  Pressing your hand to your abdomen, you tried to slow the butterflies, but they wouldn’t stop.

  “I could use another.”

  “You sure?” You nodded.

  “Okay. I’ll be right back.” He walked off in the direction of the bar, and you turned your back and took a few deep breaths and focused on slowing your heart and stopping the fluttering taking over your being.

  Before you realized it, you were walking into a separate building with glass-domed ceilings and walls. As you walked inside you marveled at the sight of the flowers and fountains. It was unbelievably gorgeous. You got lost taking it all in; you didn’t even realize he’d walked in.

  “There you are.”

   -Chris-

“Holy Christ, she’s gorgeous.”

  The sight of you standing in the middle of all the flora and fauna made his hands shake. You were breathtaking.

  “This is where I should have married her.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t know I’d wandered off until I got here.”

  He looked behind him, making sure you were alone, then he forged ahead.

  “This place is incredible. I love flowers,” you informed.

  “I know, I remember.” He held out the glass filled with double whiskey. You smiled as you took it. Your hand grazed his, and your eyes met again. After a few seconds, you pulled back and walked away further down the cobbled path. He gulped his drink and turned to walk on the other side.

  Neither of you spoke. You gawked at all the flowers and looked to be lost in your own head. He wondered what you were thinking about. He wondered at the possibility that you were thinking about him and everything that had transpired between you. He wanted to ask, but again, the disconcerting emotion of fear gripped him. For some reason, he felt he had a lot to lose if, in fact, he put himself out there, and you shot him down. He looked away from you and ahead of him and got lost in his thoughts.

  “The world, huh.”

  He smiled and nodded.

  “Do you want it?” He chanced a look at you and found your eyes were already on him. You walked staring at each other, and the humidity in the room seemed to rise.

  “She has to feel it too.”

  “I do.” He smiled remembered the last time you’d said those two words to him--once upon a time in a little white chapel. “But I want to take it for myself,” you added. He expected it and smiled. Her independence was one of the sexiest things about her, but it was also the most intimidating thing.

  “Would you let me help?” You smiled, looked away, and sipped your drink as your path converged with his. You came to a stop just as he did in front of you.

  “Why?” He slowly trailed his eyes over every feature of your face then raised his hand to brush your hair back from your jaw. His fingertips crazed your skin, and he took notice of it shaking.

  “You deserve it,” he whispered. You smiled and walked to the stone steps and sat.

  “The day Ella was born was insane. She was a week late, so I thought I could get away with getting some work done and take one of my final assessments. So against everyone’s advice, I snuck off to take one of my assessments. I had to cook a ten-course meal in two hours. So I waddled and grunted my way around that kitchen and handled my business, not accepting any sort of help with reaching things despite my huge belly always getting in the way.

  “I see where Ella gets her stubbornness.” You looked at him with your eyebrow crooked. He smiled and motioned as if he were zipping his lips.

  “Thank you, peanut gallery. Anyway, a little more than an hour into the assessment I started to feel some pain. I wasn’t sure what it was. It felt like heartburn, so I pushed through it. Twenty minutes after they first began I was bending for something in the oven and splash my water breaks right there. Everyone gasps and comes to me asking if I’m okay if I need to go to the hospital. I tell them no, I’m fine. I am going to finish this assessment come hell or--.”

  “Amniotic fluid?” Again, your eyes shot to him like darts, this time they were narrowed. He smiled and raised his hands in surrender.

  “So I continue cooking. Ten minutes after my water breaks, the real pain starts, and I shit you not, it was the worst thing I have ever felt in my entire life. I felt like someone was trying to pull my exoskeleton out of my body through my crotch. It was excruciating, but I refused to fail my assessment. I pushed through it and fought the urge to roll in a ball and cry. By the time I finished my assessment I was ready to pass out, but I’d be damned if my face betrayed that. They judged the food, my techniques, and kitchen management. After they gave me the best scores of the entire class I politely asked for them to call an ambulance. Forty minutes later I was pushing her out and boom, she was out.”

  He smiled as he watched you.

  “She was so beautiful, so small, six pounds but damn were her lungs strong, she cried and cried and cried.” A laugh escaped him.

  “When they put her on my chest and her eyes locked on to mine, she stopped crying and just stared at me. It was like she recognized my soul; she recognized me. When I first looked in her eyes I saw you. I don’t know what emotion ran through me, but it was so strong all I could do was bawl. I felt so many things, but it was a strange mix of joy and sorrow. I wished you were there, looking at her I wished it so damn hard. I wanted you there.”

  He didn’t know what to do with that. A tear streaked down his cheek, and he reached out and took your hand. You looked at him, and he saw the tears in your eyes.

 “I’m so sorry Chris. I really, really am. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I didn’t mean to rob you of that day, the pregnancy, her first year, or this last one. I am so, so sorry.” You were sobbing now; your body shook with the power of your grief.

  “It’s okay.” It was all he could muster.

  “It’s not though. You’ve been so good, so kind, and I don’t deserve it.”

  Your head was down. He cupped your face turning you to him. He used his thumbs to wipe your tears away.

  “Of course, you deserve it. Are you looking at me? You deserve so much. Yeah, I wasn’t there for the pregnancy or her birth, and you had to go through it alone. That sucks, I would have loved to be there for it all, even though I probably would have screwed something or everything up. I’ve told you I understand why you did it. I’ve moved on from it, Vix. You’ve been such an amazing mom to our baby girl. It’s because of you she is such an incredible child, so smart, funny, loving, sweet, carefree, funny, and caring. She learned it all from you; she took your grace, your beauty, your kind heart, and beautiful soul. You deserve more than the world, you always have. You just have to let me give it to you. I want to give it to you.”

  Your chest was heaving, and his heart was racing. He’d really said that. He hoped you didn’t pull away as you’d been doing since reacquainting. He didn’t want to force you into something you didn’t want, but he didn’t know what he’d do if you pulled away.

  “Let me give you the world and so much more.” Slowly your faces moved closer, and the closer they got, the faster his heart pounded. He was sure you could hear it. Just as your lips were about to touch he heard someone loudly clearing their throat. You both turned your head to see his mother and your sister.  After a few seconds you shot to a standing position.

  “Ehm, Nex.” You descended the steps and began walking back down the path to them. He dropped his head and tried to control his emotions. Your father’s words echoed in his head.

  “Rome wasn’t built in a day. It was a long strenuous, complex, infuriating task. It wasn’t for the faint of heart or the weak.”

  He rose and followed you down the path to his mother who had an apologetic look on her face. You were long gone.

  ~~~~~~~~~

She was so happy; he thought as he sat and watched his daughter eat a third slice of her birthday cake, a cake you’d made. You said you could hand over the reins of cooking for the event, but you could not or would not hand over the cake. It was Ella’s favorite, coconut with a mixture of vanilla and pineapple filling. He could tell, her face was covered in icing and filling, and she looked thrilled about it.

  While he was slightly disappointed he hadn’t been there for her the last two years; he was grateful to be there now. This morning watching you sing happy birthday to her he felt the sorrow of missing out, felt the pain of it, but it wasn’t pain that was laced with resentment. It was pain of what could have been. It was longing. He felt it again in the solarium only it was stronger.

  As the day continued and everyone mingled around and enjoyed themselves, he was always wrapped up in his thoughts and feelings. Even seeing your family and friends and his mixing he felt happiness he’d worried that something might have gone wrong, but everything was holding steady, and the day was almost finished. Every time his eyes met yours you were the first to look away. He had to fight every urge to throw you over his shoulder and finish your conversation, but instead he thought about how he could make you stop pulling away.

  By the time everyone said their goodbyes, it was well past ten, and Ella was fast asleep in his arms. When the party bus dropped the seven of you back to the house he was mentally exhausted. He allowed you to tuck Ella in while he got a needed drink. He wandered off to the backyard and to the pool. After rolling up his pants and taking off his shoes and socks he dipped his feet into the cool water. As he drank he stared at the sky. Here the only stars that mattered were always visible, unlike LA. He’d always been such a space and science nerd and spent many nights staring at the sky and all the stars. He loved finding them and studying them, wondering what it would be like to see them up close.

He didn’t realize how long he’d been sitting there staring at the sky until he heard the French doors open. When he looked back, you stood there.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” you began.

  “It’s fine. You’re not. Want a drink to celebrate a successful second birthday and the successful merger of our family and friends?” You smiled and walked to him. When you sat beside him he handed you his glass. You didn’t hesitate to take a sip from it.

  “Oh my god, what a day.”

  “Yeah, this was my first time going to my child’s birthday party, and I have to say I think I loved it as much as she did. that bouncy castle was so fun.”

  You snorted and laughed. When he looked at you, you didn’t stop; you just kept laughing.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You are such a big kid.”

  He smiled and nodded as he took his glass back to take a sip.

  “You’re right, I am. Guess I’ve always been one.”

  “It’s great, so—wholesome.”

  “Was that a compliment?” you rolled your eyes and took the glass back and took a mouthful.

  “I’m shocked. I didn’t think you were capable of giving me compliments.”

  “Shut up. I give you plenty of comments,” you defended.

  “Ha. Give says present, and I can attest that you have never given me a compliment.”

  “Out loud. I give you plenty of compliments in my head.” You took another mouthful.

  “Like what? Tell me one.” You looked as if you were thinking or debating if you should. You took another drink from the glass and scrunched your face.

  “You’re a great father to Ella.” Your eyes met. This was the only compliment he cared about. This meant the most.

  “You’re kind. You’re talented. You’re gentle. You’re patient. You’re—great.” The last was a whisper, and your eyes fell to the pool.

  He slid off the floor and into the water, fully clothed. You sat there with your eyes wide. “Come on; you know you want to.” You shook your head. he motioned again and approached you to wade between your parted legs. He hooked his hands around your waist and lifted you into the water, all the while never breaking eye contact.

  Once you were in the water, neither of you moved away. He drifted closer closing the distance between you. Your back pressed to the wall of the pool, and his hands held onto the edge of the stone floor right beside either side of your head. You were boxed in. Slowly he moved his lips to yours. Still, you didn’t move. When he was centimeters from your mouth he stopped. He needed you to travel the rest. His confidence and heart needed the reassurance. You didn’t move for what felt like eternity, and just when he was about to back off and dwell in disappointment you closed the distance and touched your lips to his and took lead of a slow, timid kiss. He didn’t move and allowed you this time to figure out what you wanted to do—how far you wanted to go.

  Slowly your timid kiss turned teasing. Your tongue flicked against his lips before your teeth nibbled. By that time, he was having a hard time restraining himself. When he felt your tongue tangle with his, that was the end of his control. He dropped his hands not the water, grasped your thighs, and lifted you onto him. You wrapped your legs around him, and he pressed into you. Your moan vibrated on him, and the need for you was unmistakable. He noted it went past physical though. He didn’t just want to get you into his bed. He didn’t actually want that at all. He almost lost his balance when he realized it. This wasn’t about sex.

  He pushed off the wall and took you with him gliding through the water. Your lips danced the passionate tango of desire. Neither of you were fighting the other for control, both of you were just allowing the moment to unfold how it would. Your arms wrapped around his neck to dig your fingers into his hair. Your grip on his hair tightened as you pulled his head back to look into his eyes. The moment was hazy, but you both knew an important decision was being made this very second. You could have blamed the first few kisses on accidents that the both of you got caught up in the moment; this one though, was a conscious decision. This moment was the both of you admitting and accepting that there was something here—something neither of you could ignore any longer. Something that was there three years ago, something that both of you’d thrown away all those years ago.

  You placed a soft kiss on his lips while your eyes remained open. He slowly engaged in the kiss keeping his eyes on you as well. His back collided with one of the walls of the pool, and your legs adjusted to hang at his side. He moved his hands to hold you better against him spreading his palms across your backside. It was then the kiss intensified. Neither of you cared if you were being watched, all that mattered was everything he was feeling in just this simple kiss.

  “It’s always been like this, Vixen. Tell me you realize that.” You searched his eyes and bit your bottom lip.

  “Tell me—please,” he whispered, and all the vulnerability he felt came through in his voice.

  “Always.” He placed a soft kiss on you then pulled back.

  “Do you feel this? Or am I crazy and imagining things?” You kissed his cheek, then his jaw and finally his neck. He closed his eyes to fully enjoy the feel of your lips on his skin. He’d forgotten what if felt like. He’d dreamt of it, but he’d forgotten. His groan betrayed how good it felt. You softly bit him and then his earlobe.

  “You’re not crazy,” you whispered. He moved his hands from your ass to cup your skull and pull your head back so he could see your eyes.

  “I’m not?” you shook your head and crashed your lips to his. This was an urgent kiss, one that said you wanted him. Your moans wafted through the air together, and the water served as the bouncing board. Before he could make a move to lift you out the water to make it inside he heard crying. Your lips pulled from his.

  “Ella.”

  “I’ll go.” You pulled yourself from him as he walked out of the pool and dripped his way to the door.

  He quickly made it inside the house to Ella’s room to find her tossing and turning.

  “Ssshh, it’s okay, princess. I’m here.” He placed his hand on her forehead and gently rubbed. After a few moments, her whining settled, but she still tossed and turned. He began humming what he’d heard you hum more than a few times. Slowly she settled and drifted back to a restful sleep.

  When he reemerged, you were sitting on the stone with your feet in the pool. Somehow he knew things were different now. You turned to him, and the look on your face said it all. His absence gave you time to conceal and pull away—yet again.

  “It’s late; I’m exhausted.” He nodded, unsure what hurt more, the chill of your pull away or the heat of you pulling him closer. Maybe they both hurt the same, he thought. You stood and walked to the door.

  “Tomorrow night, will you have dinner with me?”

  “Dinner?” You looked at him with confusion. “Are you asking me out?”

  “Yes, I am.” You looked shocked and speechless. He liked speechless you.

  “Uh—okay.”

  “Okay.” You nodded, turned, and walked inside only to reemerge a few seconds later.

  “Wait, like a date?” He smiled. It was as if you’d never been asked out before, or you couldn’t believe he was doing it.

  “Yes, like a date, with me tomorrow night.”

  “Okay. Goodnight.” Again, you were gone leaving him standing there.

  It had taken him three years to ask for this date. He’d jumped past everything. He’d done marriage, then baby carriage, then love. This date was three years overdue.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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[nelllraiser]

quiet riot | layla & nell

TIMING: mid july. LOCATION: the mime funhouse at the carnival. PARTIES: @laylacooke and @nelllraiser​. SUMMARY: a trying time in the mime house leads to something even more unexpected. CONTENTS: parental abuse mention.

Nell hadn’t realized it was a Mime Fun House when she handed her tickets to the attraction attendant, having blissfully walked up the ramp to the entrance of it. Immediately, she’d realized her mistake upon entering, and tried to backtrack. Unfortunately, it seemed like that wasn’t an option. Now, she was walking along the black and white and striped hallways of the cursed house, regarding every mime painting on the wall with squinted eyes, as if on high alert should any of them suddenly somehow jump to life. As always, her knives were still in her boots, and it was taking every ounce of her self control not to draw them when she was surrounded by who she thought to be the enemy. Suddenly, movement caught her eye, and she tensed. If there were fucking mime actors in this house she was going to lose her god damned mind. “If you fucking touch me I’ll shank you in places you didn’t even know existed on your body,” she threatened to the shadow, not willing to have any sort of mime fuckery today.

Why Layla had come back to this thing was something she couldn’t explain. She had just been drawn in. Every night, since the carnival had come to town, she could hear the music floating all over White Crest and the excitement it brought out in her was like a kid in a toy shop around Christmas time. But how she had found herself in the Mime Fun House was beyond her. Maybe it had been some innate instinct to want to take the muted monsters out. Or maybe it was the doing of magic. Regardless, she entered through the narrow doorway and now she was stuck. And with each step forward, she could feel her heart racing just a little harder. Her werewolf senses had been on high alert, but luckily her claws hadn’t come out yet. At least not until she noticed she wasn’t alone and heard the creaking of the rickety old floor. A low growl, she inched closer, now feeling claws jutting out of her finger tips, until she heard the voice. Letting out a huff of relief, Layla stepped forward with her hands up, claw tips still protruding, “Whoa! Hold up! It’s me! It’s me, Layla...I’m not gonna hurt you!” She had already been stabbed once, and she prayed it wouldn’t happen again in a damn house full of mime fuckery.

It wasn’t strange for Nell to return to the carnival more than once. After all, she’d done much of the same growing up in White Crest every year, and every summer. Still, The Mime Fun House was decidedly...the very opposite of fun. And after her encounter with the Hall of Mirrors, she wouldn’t put it past this cursed place to make some sort of attempted murder or otherwise. Whether it was intentional or not. Nell herself had drawn a knife in reflex, not looking to get attacked by any sort of mime today...or ever. But as Layla stepped forward into the wan light, her shoulders lost some of their tension. “Oh, it’s you.” She hadn’t seen the wolf since their encounter at the lake, and before that, her attempt on Layla’s life in the forest. “Fuck this fucking house, honestly,” Nell cursed as her knife hand relaxed as well, though she didn’t sheathe the weapon back into its hiding spot. “Mimes are the worst part of White Crest. I’ll never get why the freaks here love them.”

When Layla saw Nell relax, it gave her some relief. She still didn’t trust the woman after their past two meetups. In fact, she would have rather been in the Mime Fun House with anyone, but Nell. Okay, maybe not anyone, but at least someone that didn’t want to kill her, “Well, we’ve got one thing in common I guess. We both fucking hate mimes.” Her claws remained out from fear of anything else that might be lurking just around the corner, but it didn’t stop her from asking Nell to put her knife away, “And hey, little suggestion, but maybe put your knife away or go in front of me, because I don’t trust you. Not after having that thing at my throat and then having you and your little hunter friend threaten to kill me repeatedly if I didn’t save this Godforsaken shithole of a town.” Hearing a noise, she jumped; claws jutting out further, until she realized it was just someone walking around above them on a different floor.

Trust was a two way street, and unfortunately it seemed that neither Layla nor Nell had even begun to pave that road in hopes of traversing it. Of course, with Nic’s word backing Layla, Nell was now less inclined to be suspicious of the wolf. Unfortunately, that still left her with the problem of what to tell Layla’s parents, as well as what to do with the redhead standing in front of her. “That’s because anyone who’s half sane hates mimes.” It was the closest thing to nice that Nell seemed to be able to say for the moment. With a hearty roll of her eyes, and slight flick of her knife, the witch was quick to reply. “First off, I’d never even met anyone there besides you before the ritual at the lake, so no- I barely know Athena. Secondly, we literally never threatened to kill you at the lake. Third of all, you should have wanted to fucking save it in the first place, cause that’s what any decent person would do.” Despite her words, she went in front of Layla to lead the way, shoulders squared against whatever mimes might pop out at them, knife lowered, but still drawn. “And put your claws away if you don’t want someone else seeing you and trying to hunt you.” 

The words cut to the bone, and as Nell moved forward, Layla let the sting of hot, silent tears release. Telling the teenager she wasn’t a decent person sent her mind back to her parents and the harsh words they used to say to her. So much pressure put on a child, and, now, Nell was doing the exact same fucking thing. And unfortunately for Layla, putting her claws back in wasn’t as easy as a non-werewolf assumed. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she shoved her hands in her pockets to hide her fingers and pushed past Nell taking the lead again, “You don’t know a fucking thing about me. And telling me I’m not a decent person, because I didn’t automatically want to play hero and save the fucking world at nineteen years old, doesn’t make you any better than me.” Her voice was low, and instead of waiting for Nell, the teenager moved through the cursed fun house at a quicker pace ignoring anything that managed to pop out as she walked further into the maze of halls and rooms.

Looking over her shoulder, Nell wasn’t sure what to make of Layla crying. Sure, she wasn’t the werewolf’s biggest fan, but she didn’t want her to cry. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, I just meant it’s safer if you hide them.” Did that not show how Nell didn’t want Layla to get hurt? However, she had less sympathy for Layla’s lack of drive to help people in need or the town. It wasn’t something Nell could entirely understand. But the way Layla phrased the words was enough to make Nell think back to her own conversation with Alain, and how she wished he would have responded to her, rather than the way he did. “I know I don’t. And I don’t think I’m better than anyone, so it’d probably be better to not make assumptions about me in return. I know you’re young, but unfortunately the world we live in isn’t a merciful one. And sometimes those choices just need to be made. That’s just the reality of it. And you probably would have gone down along with the town, and Frankie, too. Isn’t that worth saving, at least?” She rolled her eyes where Layla couldn’t see it as the werewolf walked away, trodding after her and glaring at anything that so much as came close to her. The maze was a bit trickier, though. It seemed that...no matter what way they moved, they always came to a dead end, even when Nell was certain they’d tried every direction. It was enough to put a sinking feeling of dread in her gut. What were the mimes planning?

Layla’s astute hearing had picked up on everything Nell had said. Yes, she wanted Frankie to be safe. No, she didn’t want the town to end, or the world, but why was this shit on her shoulders? From the day she was born, Layla’s life had been planned out for her, and when those plans didn’t turn out the way her parents had wanted, it was determined that the teenager had to die. So she ran, but her life still hadn’t been her own. It now belonged to that of the creature that bit her, forcing her into one of its kind and then leaving her for dead. She had just wanted a chance at a normal life. Sure, watching Buffy Summers save the world looked cool, but it was a tv show. Layla Cooke didn’t want to save the world. She wanted to live in it. And thrive. And have a family with the woman she loved. And as she made her way into yet another dead end, she could feel her anger welling up. So much so that she slammed her balled fist into the striped wall leaving a hole in return. A growl came from deep within her chest, before she fell to her knees defeated. Of all the places to be stuck, she had to be stuck in this hell hole with a bounty hunter that was so determined to hate her, that Layla just didn’t have any fight to go on, “Why don’t you stupid fucking mimes just come out and take me already! What do you want from me?!”

As Layla collapsed to the ground, Nell instinctively lurched forwards to try and lift the girl back to her feet. “I wouldn’t do that, I don’t trust these mimes not to do something fucking cursed. And I know a mime that stabbed someone, once.” As soon as she’d said the words, the stillness of the house seemed to break, and mimes began to crawl towards them from all angles, stripes and sharpened grins surrounding them from every side as they advanced quickly, crab-walking all the way. “Back the fuck off!” Nell yelled, magic instinctively pooling in her hands. She was not going to be attacked by mimes. Not today, not ever. The one who got closest to her earned a reflexive punch to the face from Nell’s clenched fist. Promptly, the mime’s face crumpled in on itself, momentarily disfigured before a striped finger was brought to his lips, like a baby sucking their thumb. Instead, his cheeks began to puff out, as if he were trying to re-inflate himself. And it worked. Slowly, the mime’s face pushed back into its original place. That was when Nell decided she’d had enough of the mime house. “Come on!” Nell called out to Layla, reaching to grab the girl’s hand in her to give it a tug so they could run for it. Her hand burst forward, releasing the magic and cracking the wall before them in two.

As soon as Nell spoke, the mimes had made their move. Eyes wide and back on her feet from the woman’s assistance, Layla backed into the wall frantically. It was the grip of a white gloved hand on her shoulder that caused her to scream, and without hesitating, she jerked away from the cursed creature. They were coming from everywhere, and without thinking, the redhead found herself slashing and clawing off mimes. Heightened hearing allowed her to pick up on the walls and just how many of the damned creatures were really lurking. Hearing Nell, she latched onto the spellcaster’s hand and started moving. Not stopping even as the wall in front of them exploded. Layla had just wanted to get out of there. Everything had started to close in on them as more mimes poured from the shadows, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to cause a mime shit-show!” She yelled out to the Vural sister while she swiped, clawed, and dodged her way through a black and white nightmare.

As Nell barreled through the wall, she did her best to pull Layla after her. They stepped into the light of the outside world, and strangely the mimes seemed to go no further than the perimeter of the house they’d been residing in. There they were, simply staring with unblinking eyes at the pair of girls, huddled around the jagged edges of the house. Nell stared back for a long moment before flipping them off, and soon the voice of the attraction operator could be heard, yelling in their direction. “Hey! What the hell?! You just ripped a hole in my mime house! I’m calling the cops!” Her head whipped towards the man that was red in the face, and coming towards them before she said, “Get a less shitty house!” Nell’s heart hadn’t stopped pounding since the mimes had attacked, but the mood was shifting from dire to something lighter as she once again yanked on Layla’s hand. “Run! Keep running!” As her strides carried her away from the mime house, she began to laugh, the utter ridiculousness of the situation getting the better of her. 

Bursting into freedom away from the Little Mime Shop of Horrors, Layla felt instant relief. Already, she could feel her eyes changing back to normal and her fangs and claws retracting. They had found the mimes weakness: the outside world. And as she listened to Nell and the owner exchange words, the teenager couldn’t help but bend over in the hopes of catching her breath. The word ‘cops’ floating through the air didn’t seem to make things better, and when Nell told her to run, she resumed her sprint forward and away from all the chaos of the carnival, “What the fuck was that?!” She heaved as she spoke and finally stopped running when the pair had made it into the woods away from all the insanity. Collapsing to the ground, Layla took in long slow gasps of air, “I can’t get arrested again, Nell!” She wiped the sweat off of her brow listening closely to see if they had been followed, but she couldn’t hear anything.

Once the angry carnival worker had faded into the distance, Nell stopped to catch her breath, her laughs growing stronger as the chaotic nature of the situation set in. “Oh, come on,” she teased in a lighthearted tone, the relief and rush of making a break for it pulling her lips into a grin. “Getting arrested isn’t that bad.” She’d lost count of how many times the cops had brought her in, though she always managed to get out of it— whether it was with the help of her mother’s connections, magic, or sheer, dumb luck. Of course, she supposed it depended what you were being arrested for. Either way, she was just glad to be out of that mime hell hole. “Whatever it was, it’s gone now.” But now that the carnival was far behind them, and her mood had been brightened by a good escape, Nell chewed on her bottom lip, readying herself to do something she hated doing, and something she didn’t do all that often. “Look- I really don’t mean any ill will towards you. And it was shitty of me to try and kill you.” That was the best apology she could manage.

Layla wanted to rip Nell a new one. She wanted to go off of her so badly, but she refrained. Their relationship was like nails on a chalkboard, and she cringed every time she thought of all the ways they would dig at each other. Yet, instead of speaking, she simply rolled her eyes while she strived to breathe in air and find a normal heart rate. It was the words that seemed to come out of Nell’s mouth towards the end that had genuinely surprised her though. Did she just apologize? Taking one final deep breath, the teenager wanted to hear it again, but knew that wouldn’t be an option. However, she did let the words play on repeat for a moment, before she spoke, “Did you just apologize to me? I mean, yeah. It was shitty, considering I didn't do a damn thing to you, but I guess I accept your apology. If that’s what that was.” She glanced around, before looking back to Nell, “I know we’re probably never going to be friends, but I mean, yeah. I appreciate what you just said.” It felt awkward. It was awkward, but she had accepted it, knowing that was probably all she was going to get.

Nell didn’t make eye contact as Layla asked for confirmation, and all the witch could offer her was the subtlest of nods. “At least my version of one.” She wouldn’t apologize for her line of work, but it was obvious that she’d been wrong to try and kill Layla, an innocent werewolf rather than one of the nastier ones out there. “It wasn’t personal, you know that.” Because it hadn’t been. It had been as personal as a barista handing a coffee to someone in their cafe while they waited for the clock to strike four, so they could get off work and go home. As for friends, it was difficult to tell if that was an option. Even aside from the whole attempted murder thing, Nell couldn’t help but feel that there were just some things the pair of them didn’t see eye to eye on. But now, at least they’d be able to ease off each other’s throats. “Great. Now let’s get out of here.”