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icantpostthisshitonmain · 4 years

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evangelical christianity is the pot calling the kettle black

from the first moment that i can remember, my mother took me and my siblings to church. when she decided to homeschool us, the church quickly became one of my only social outlets. i remember the first church we went to- it was a brick building with an organ and a real bell and belltower. looking back, that was the best experience i had with christianity.

my mom did not stay at one church for long, and we eventually left and tried out several others. one church was held in a renovated barn and the services consisted of the pastor reading whatever evangelical articles he found on the internet and subsequently a prayer request session. after the service we would rummage through clear plastic bags of donuts and bagels donated by the local grocery store. i saw nothing wrong with this.

when i was thirteen, approaching highschool, my mom became tired with the churches our small town had to offer. we then started attending a larger, more modern church almost an hour away. she quickly became enthralled and we became regulars every sunday. of course, my older brother and I had to attend youth group.

two things of note: thirteen was the age i started to become depressed, and i distinctly remember an eight month period where i struggled with my sexuality and more importantly, the existence of god. this church was also fiercely evangelical and even my mom would complain about the services occasionally.

because my older brother was fairly extroverted and popular, i almost never missed a youth group throughout all of highschool. i even joined the student leader team in my senior year.

one thing of note: i developed anorexia and bulimia when i was fourteen, two years before i graduated highschool.

i spent a lot of time at that church, but, maybe because i was starving myself, i don’t remember any specific details. instead everything blurs together into general themes/events.

theme 1: i am wyatt’s little sister. there is rarely a situation where I am present and he is not. i cling to him because he is loud and distracting and fills up the silence that i leave. no one hates me, but everyone pities me because poor dags look how quiet and shy she is.

theme 2: i am a christian. i am a christian. i must be a good christian. we must love homosexuals, but not support their lifestyle. i must save as many people as i can from hell. my dad is going to hell and it is my fault. if i died today i will go to hell. i did not actually mean it when i accepted jesus into my heart i should do it again or imgoingtohell.

theme 3: i have an extensive knowledge of every bathroom in that building. the one that i like to use is on the second floor right across from the balcony. if i go there no one will know im there. i can leave once during the service and go to the bathroom. there is going to be food. i am too weak to resist eating, and therefore i will need to go to the bathroom. if i run the tap, no one will hear it. when i go to sit down again, no one will notice i left.

there are really only three major events. the first is during spring of my senior year. i am sixteen. i started taking ballet a few years ago along with irish dance. my mother notices that i am losing weight and tells me that i need to eat more or she is going to take me out of dance. i get angry and we fight. several months later we fight again and i stop going to dance. this means that instead of going to church, dance, and home, i now only go to church and home.

the second event is early summer after i graduate. my mother finds me vomiting into the sink with the tap running. i don’t really care.

the third event is late summer after i graduate. after arguing about it for several weeks, my parents finally decide to allow me to go on the mission trip to guatemala i had planned to attend months before. i spend a week in guatemala, eating one tortilla and spoonful of beans per day. i try to vomit in the bathroom once and feel terrible because i worry i clogged the toilet. i barely drink water. i come home twelve pounds lost from my one hundred and ten pound, five foot six inch self one week earlier. i had never felt better and also never felt worse.

(last thing to note: people with bulimia will often hate themselves because they can’t lose weight. to my sixteen year old self, this was the greated thing i had ever accomplished.)

i was sick. i had spent the last three years of my live getting sicker and sicker. it wasn’t until i was almost dead that anyone noticed.

that is why i hate evangelical christianity. while i might not have been close with any of them, someone should have noticed me, especially the adults. instead these adults hyperfocused on the conversion of vulnerable teenagers, often holding mass events or secret getaway trips to do so.

i am now twenty one, and mostly consider myself agnostic. i have not attended a christian church in 5 years and do not seriously plan to ever again.

religious trauma is one of those phrases that is being thrown around a lot, and i don’t really think i was traumatized. i did eventually get help and am completely recovered. but i was definitely neglected by the people i trusted and who i thought at the time were as close to god as you could get. i was a lonely teenager whose only outlet was the church, and they still failed me.

in this last picture i am sixteen. this is before i went on the mission trip. i had known these people for years.

#ex christian #eating disorder #evangelical christianity #toxic christianity #recovery #atheism #agnostisism

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n1ghtcrwler · 4 years

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In response to this post from last night, @myriamsaviniart commented,

Wow, pretty hardcore! But wait, how many churches did you attend to?

Which I cannot answer off the top of my head without actually listing them because I have trouble with things like that, so what the heck, I’ll list here (with brief commentary) any that I attended with some regularity. I could explain in some more detail if anyone is curious about any of them.

New Life Covenant Church, South Pymatuning, PA: My childhood church, addressed in the linked post, left some time in my teens

First Assembly of God, Hermitage, PA: My family tried this one out briefly after leaving NLCC, but we never became members and stopped going to church entirely when my parents’ divorce process started. I later returned and joined the youth group for a brief stint during my senior year of high school, but still never stayed long enough to become a member

Grace in the Wilderness Church, West Middlesex, PA: Founded by people who had left NLCC and eventually regrouped. My dad started going around the time the divorce was finalized in the summer between my junior and senior years, and I joined when I moved in with him. He ended up leaving over a dispute with the pastor, but I was already gone to Pittsburgh for art school by then so it didn’t really involve me

New Life Baptist Church, New Wilmington, PA: My first Baptist church, I started attending with my dad after dropping out of art school and drifting around the PA/Ohio line for a couple years. I had a series of heated disputes with the pastor that led to me being removed from the tech crew, but ultimately left because I moved to Boston. My dad and brother were insistent that the problems I saw with the pastor weren’t real and I was the actual problem, but a couple years later they left over the same issues

Open Door Baptist Church, Belmont, MA: I moved to Boston to join a church planting team who was attending and hoping to be sent out by Open Door. When that never materialized, we went our separate ways, and I had to move out of the greater Boston area

Mercyhouse, Amherst, MA: When I moved to Amherst and my car died, I looked for a church I could walk to. I ended up pretty heavily involved at Mercyhouse and, even though some aspects of my relationship with the pastor soured near the end, I never left on bad terms. Did my pastoral internship here. This one will come up again.

[Something] in the Valley, Sharon, PA: I’m drawing a blank on this one’s actual name. My dad and brother were going there when I couldn’t afford Massachusetts anymore and moved home, so I (and Carol, when she was visiting PA) went with them. They ended up having some dispute with the pastor and leaving, but I was hesitant to follow without knowing what was going on, so I tried to meet with the pastor to discuss it. After it became clear he was avoiding me, we decided to look elsewhere. We never found another church before deciding I was moving back to Mass, and we went to Mercyhouse on my return.

Vita Nova Greenfield, Greenfield, MA: Mercyhouse had sent out a church plant some years earlier called Vita Nova, and now the planting pastor of Vita Nova was leading a new planting team in Greenfield. We signed on, but in my discussions with the pastor I became concerned there was something deeply wrong with him as a church leader, and when we moved to Springfield we used that move as an excuse to slip away. That pastor announced he was an atheist and began attacking Christianity and fractured both churches about a month later.

City Church, Springfield, MA: Another church plant connected to Mercyhouse, we greatly enjoyed our time there and saw the church grow in big ways before we moved back to Greenfield and decided to return to Mercyhouse, which was much closer.

Faith Baptist Church, Greenfield, MA: We were interested in trying again to plant in Greenfield, and decided to invest in a more local church. However, that church leadership was somewhat put off by the idea of church planting and ultimately we left over a significant disagreement about mission in the city.

Crossroads Baptist Church, Greenfield, MA: I was the planting pastor of this one, which did not last a year. When it was clear God wanted us to move on, we returned to Mercyhouse.

The Haven Church, Fitchburg, MA: The pastor of Mercyhouse invited a church planter to preach a sermon and seek volunteers to help out. After prayer and a long conversation with him later that week, Carol and he and I all agreed that this was the direction we were called to next, and we signed on

Highland Baptist Church, Fitchburg, MA: After a little over a year of operation, Haven merged with Highland and the planting pastor became Highland’s lead pastor. That pastor left after it became clear that the church was not willing to make the changes they had called us in to make, and Carol and I left after they turned down yet another opportunity to refocus their mission some months later.

Bethany Bible Chapel, Winchendon, MA: Our current church. We are slowly working on the membership process.

So I guess the answer is 14.

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danikavisser · 6 years

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( cis-male) haven’t seen PETER SAMUELS around in a while. the CODY FERN lookalike has been known to be (+) SPIRITUAL & (+) YOUTHFUL, but HE can also be (-) DECEPTIVE & (-) RECLUSIVE. The 24 year old is a SENIOR majoring in THEOLOGY. I believe they’re living in FIDELIS FAITHFUL but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

AYO it’s me, madison again. i might bring tate back eventually but for rn i have so much muse for my lil pastor angel! im working on a new screenplay where our boy peter here is the lead. i aged him down and changed him a lot to fit in this group but im hoping it’ll help me get into his head a lil more! rping them always helps. ANYWHOO like this if you’d like to plot and i’ll message you!

Peter Samuels was born a mere three minutes after his twin, Tatiana. After sharing a womb together, it only made sense that these two were destined to be close.

The twins were always a ray of sunshine at their church, their innocence and optimism always contagious. Around town they brought smiles onto everyone’s faces that they encountered.

Was that kind of kid on the playground who would drop whatever he was doing anytime another kid was crying, tending to them and comforting them and giving them his toys so that they’ll smile. It’s something he still does to an extent to this day.

Tatiana was always the more bold of the two, always wild and wanting to try new things while Peter was shy, reclusive, more logical. They were a good balance. Tati forced Peter to take risks and to get out of his comfort zone while Peter made sure she never got into too much trouble.

Knew from a young age that he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps to become a pastor. He felt like God was calling him. Though he didn’t always see eye to eye with his father and his teachings, he respected him and shared his love for their faith.

As the twins got older, Tatiana was better at making friends which Peter was always a little envious of? Everything seemed to come so effortlessly for her while his social anxiety made it a bit harder for him. She always insisted that he tagged along though so they shared a lot of the same friends even though he didn’t feel like he ever fit in with them.

It was during middle school that Peter started to realize his...affections for those of the same sex. And to be quite specific, it was Tatiana’s first boyfriend that he developed his first male crush on. It definitely didn’t help that he had to be the third wheel everywhere they went because their parents wouldn’t allow Tatiana to go anywhere without Peter, knowing how she often times got into trouble.

It was purely innocent, nothing came of it but because his church preached that homosexuality was a sin, Peter’s internalized homophobia and self hatred started to eat him alive. He kept doing everything he could to rid himself of these blasphemous thoughts but as he got older they only got stronger.

Was convinced that it was God telling him that he needed to change his crowd, that Tatiana’s friends were too strayed from the church and God and that it was just sin tempting him, deluding him from his path of being a messenger of Christ.

So High School was when the twins started to drift apart and do their own things. Peter lost himself in youth group, volunteering, ministry and worship team while Tatiana lost herself in sex, drugs and partying. Without Peter to be around as her anchor, she started to free fall. But his feelings for Tatiana’s boyfriend had manifested into something not so innocent anymore so he knew he had to keep his distance.

The two of them were still close but things felt a bit more forced between their relationship as the secrets between the two started to fester and push them onto separate islands. It remained like this for 4 years.

Senior year of High School was when the two of them had their big reconciliation. Tatiana called Peter to pick her up and save her from a sketchy situation (I don’t have this...figured out yet so ima keep it vague). The two of them ended up going to their favorite spot to have a heart to heart, staying up until the sun rise as Peter told her about his continuous homosexual thoughts and how they were getting out of control. Even told her about his crush. She said she wasn’t always the best Christian, but from her experience, God always answered prayers as long as they didn’t contradict his creation. And that maybe God made Peter exactly the way he's meant to be. With a big ol’ heart which just so happened to be geared toward boys. And that there was nothing wrong with it.

So the two went to Lockwood, attached at the hip for the most part while respectively doing their own things. Peter was now a small group leader at their church to middle school boys and also dedicated his time officially to studying the bible.

The death of his sister...God. His twin, his best friend. He’s honestly still in denial and is a mess but hasn’t...had a break down yet. His father took it the worst so Peter has been filling in for his sermons on Sunday. It honestly just doesn’t feel real =/

Struggling with his faith, his sexuality and his relations with the church

CONNECTIONS: Best friends, Bad Influence friends, A BIG OL SECRET CRUSH, maybe an ex of Tatiana’s where...something happened between them like something almost happened but didn’t, someone be his first GAY encounter it’ll be a fucking spiritual awakening for him i fucking swear, childhood friends, roommates, IDK everything...

#water:intro #religion tw

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automatismoateo · 3 years

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How to stop a female youth leader sexualizing everything I do towards my bf? via /r/atheism

How to stop a female youth leader sexualizing everything I do towards my bf?

A bit of background: Basically I’ve been an atheist for a long time. I’m a senior in high school now and my bf and some of our good friends go to youth group every week.

The only reason I go is to hang out with them cause they are forced to go and all and all it’s a good time. We eat food and play ping pong and do dumb shit. Then there’s the lesson that I just tune out and you go home. In true Christian church fashion the boys and girls are separated to talk about god. The boys have a fun lesson with one of the actual engaging pastors while me and the girls have a lady read directly word for word off a pamphlet, spelling errors and all.

Now onto the shitshow:

I’m respectful of the religion cause they are letting us hang out and it’s my friends’ religion, but there is this woman who makes me want to lose my god damn mind. Now keep in mind the “worse” we have done in church is hold hands for like five seconds. I could understand this woman if we were acting like horned up teens.

Church Karen found out me and my bf were dating and hasn’t left me alone. All sorts of snide comments and constantly trying to get me away from the dudes I hang out with. (None of my friends who are girls go here or are religious.) I took a long break from going to youth group due to school and I just came back to the most disrespectful shit I’ve ever had happen to me.

I saved a seat for my bf while there were discussing church stuff and she came and sat in his spot. When all the other church leaders stand around the room so I’m already seeing red flags. My boyfriend sat behind me on chairs that were just extras and pushed up directly against the back of my chairs so he had to be sideways the whole time. Once the meeting is over he pokes my arm and I turn around and poke his forehead. This isn’t anything weird we all do dumb shit there. Hell, there were boys wrestling two rows ahead of us.

She gets all pissy and says to me, “Why are you doing that you’re GROSS!”

Not like, “Hey stop” or “don’t poke each other.” Nah. Immediately yelling I’m my ear “YOU’RE GROSS!” I just play it off as oh yeah that was a funny joke, but I was fucking fuming.

Then maybe five minutes later the meeting was over and we were playing a game. Everyone broke off into smaller circles and my bf was right across the circle from me.

Meanwhile there were about six seniors already playing the game and falling over and wrestling and damn near ripping each others arms off like 6 feet away from us. Like it’s not like this is a serious church they are relaxed and chill about people horsing around. Also during this whole time I’ve been pestering my other male friends just as much as my bf.

I stuck my tongue out at him and Church Karen walks over and announces to the whole group of my friends, “Why are you sticking your tongue out! UGH it’s even worse you’re sticking it out at him! I’m gonna have to stay over here and referee you!”

The dudes were like, “Okay??” So she hovers for a few minutes and then leaves cause I’m not doing anything to trigger her into action.

This has happened a few times where I do something not even mildly romantic or can be put through the Christian mental gymnastics to even make it romantic like put a hand on his shoulder and she walks over and is like “WHOA give him some personal space woman!”

I bet you if I fucking breathed in his direction she’d be like “get away from him you harpy!”

I’m obviously still going to church cause I’m not letting someone make me quit about shit like that, but if she says anything else I’m gonna pull her aside and tell her that she’s making me uncomfortable by sexualizing everything I do towards my boyfriend.

(Also my boyfriend dislikes church a lot but he has to go due to parents. So he’s not part of the issue or anything just to stop those comments from rolling in.)

Submitted February 11, 2022 at 08:52PM by Throwaway18288828 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/CZRlUGV)

#reddit

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theintrovertedpoetspodcast · 4 years

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Summer of 1997

Tuesday

June 10th, 6:00AM.

The alarm clock went off again. Only this time instead of the hustle and bustle of Casey's house, Lizzy quietly awoke in her bedroom, this time it was her father’s turn to drop the girls off. It was his day to go into the bank; what he did, Lizzy didn’t know, all she knew was he needed to make all of his clients happy and above all else, richer. Lizzy stepped out of her bed and ran into her bathroom. Lizzy had no siblings. It was just her and her two parents. She ran the shower and thought about her last failed crush.

Julio was his name and he was the star quarterback of the New Caney High football team. She did everything she could to get him to notice her, but he was too busy chasing Mary Elizabeth’s daughter, Mary Ann. Rumor had it she was fast and that’s what quarterbacks like Julio wanted. Everyone in school knew Lizzy to be shy, quiet, timid, and a stickler for rules. Though she was a star track runner, she never broke the rules like other jocks in her school. She stepped out of the shower and quickly ran to get dressed into her Templo Nuestro polo and jeans. Once dressed, she ran downstairs to the smell of the coffee.

“Hey kiddo,” greeted Hector Castro.

“Hey daddy,”

“Do you think Casey is ready so we can get some McDonalds for breakfast, my treat?”

“I don’t know daddy, let’s find out.”

Lizzy picked up the cordless phone and dialed Casey’s house number.

“Buneos dias Maria, do you think Casey is ready, my papi wants to take us to McDonalds, okay, okay, we will be waiting.”

Casey was brushing her teeth thinking about ways to approach Edward without making it too obvious that she was crushing on him. There was a knock on the door.

“Mija,”

“Mande, mami,”

“Are you ready, Mr. Castro is going to take you girls to McDonald’s for breakfast, I made you breakfast and packed it up still in case you girls need a snack,” Maria stated.

“Gracias mami, and mmm hashbrowns,”

“Orale mamita, get a move on.”

Casey grabbed her backpack by door and the lunch bag her mom had left.

“Bye mami, la miro al rato” she shouted! She quickly made her way across the street towards the Castro's driveway. Lizzy and Hector were waiting in his Acura Integra.

“Buenos días Mr. Castro,” Casey greeted.

“Buenos dias Casey, buckle up and let’s get some Mickey D’s,” he cheerfully stated.

Mr. Castro pulled out of the driveway and made his way towards the McDonald’s near highway 59 before heading towards the long forty-five minute commute. It was 6:55am.

“We are making good time,” Mr. Castro said.

“Only because Casey was miraculously ready today,” teased Lizzy. Both girls giggled as Mr. Castro began ordering the egg McMuffins and drinks.

Once arriving at Templo Nuestro, the girls had finished eating their breakfast and joyfully made their way towards the lounge. They got there an hour earlier than usual, 8:25am to be exact.

“Good thing we have time to kill,” said Casey.

“Do you think your boyfriend is here yet,” wondered Lizzy?

“He’s not my boyfriend yet,” hoped Casey.

The door opened and in walked Mary Elizabeth and her daughter Mary Ann.

“Good morning girls,” loudly stated Mary Elizabeth.

“Good Morning Mary Elizabeth,” they both greeted.

“You all know my precious daughter, Mary Ann, you all go to school together in New Caney,”

“Yes Mary Elizabeth," both girls responded.

“Well, today she will be joining you all in helping with our guest speakers, in a while with other peers your age will be joining. Mary Ann and I will meet back with you all in a few.” They both walked out. Once the door closed both Lizzy and Casey looked at each other.

“Ughh, she better not try talking to Edward,” Casey angrily whispered.

“Wow, isn't that a bit much Case,”

“YOU KNOW how she is, she took Julio from you,” Lizzy winced at hearing Casey say that out loud.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to offend you, but you know she is loose.”

“You think she got in trouble and that's why she’s here, ”Lizzy asked?

“Why else would she be here, she makes us church girls look bad,” commented Casey.

“Okay, you need to chill out, we all know if Mary Ann is here then Julio and his friends will be here, because where every Mary goes the lamb is sure to follow,” sang Lizzy to the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb.

Both girls began bursting out into laughter when Isaiah and the rest of his troop walked in.

“Good morning Lizzy and Casey, the superstar liaisons!”

“Good morning Isaiah!” the girls greeted.

“I’m hoping the good Lord woke you all up blessed,” inquired Hannah?

“Every day awake above ground is a blessed day,” responded Lizzy.

“Amen to that,” added Edward who was walking in giggling next to Sara and Joanna. Josh slowly came in behind the trio. Both Casey and Lizzy stood next to each other passing quick glances at one another.

“So I hear today we will be having more teen youth leaders helping us out today,” Isaiah stated.

“Oh, yes,” answered Casey.

“Will they also be our liaisons,” asked Joshua?

“We don’t know, maybe Mary Elizabeth or Marcela know,” suggested Lizzy.

“Who is Mary Elizabeth,” asked Sara?

“Oh, Pastor Glen’s wife,” answered Casey.

“Oh, right, right, right, silly me forgetting that,” she mentioned with a smile on her face.

Once more Mary Elizabeth walked in this time with more than just Mary Ann, she brought in her two sons Evan and Henry, along with Mary Ann’s friends who also happened to be in the cheer squad; Katheryn Wheeler 5’5, skinny with pink braces, Lynne Marie Marquart also 5’5 but with no braces, with a curvy build, Lesly Windsor 5’0 the shortest of the group of girls and Peggy Lace, the tallest a 5’10 with long wavy hair. Mary Ann and her friends all looked alike, light blonde hair, always wore lip-gloss and other makeup, and the innest clothing. Being cheerleaders, they had to be the trendsetters of New Caney High. However, being the leader of the group, Mary Ann stood out by adding pink highlights to her hair.

Behind them was Julio the tall, tan, Latino star quarterback and his fellow friends. Jason Von Holtz, 6’3 with long dirty blond hair, the linebacker, Marcus DeWare the safety, 6’3, dark, and with a buzzcut, Mario Benavidez the kicker, 5’6, tan with a gel to spike his hair, and Michael Smith, 5’10, blond and fair skinned the center, he wasn’t as blonde as Jason but blonde nonetheless. A jock for every cheerleader it seemed, much to Casey’s relief, this meant Edward was all hers for the taking.

“Good morning Isaiah and troupe,” Mary Elizabeth greeted.

“Good morning Mrs. Glen,”

“Ho, ho, please call me Mary Elizabeth like everyone else darling,” she commanded.

“What’s on the itinerary today,” he asked?

“Well, today you are going to have these eight lovely assistants along with Casey and Lizzy to help you all with morning prayers, bible trivia, lunch, your skits, and all the other activities for the week,” she cheerfully instructed.

“Oh, wow, you know about our skits,” Isaiah asked?

“Why, yes Edward told us all about it last night when we had him over for dinner.”

The air left Casey when she heard Mary Elizabeth say that. She quickly shot a quick glance at Lizzy and Lizzy in return raised her eyebrows to confirm she indeed heard!

“Anyway, I’ll be needing four of you to find Pastor Glen to assist with the breakfast line, two to help me unload the stuff, and the other two can stay here with Lizzy and Casey,” Mary Elizabeth added, while looking at the group of eight. “Alright, Mary Ann and Katheryn you stay with Lizzy and Casey, you four,” she pointed to Julio and his friends “go help Pastor Glen.” “And the rest of you follow me.”

She turned and walked out with the remaining. Katheryn and Mary Ann stayed staring at Casey and Lizzy scanning them up and down.

“Good morning girls,” greeted Lizzy.

“Hey nerds,” accosted Mary Ann while Katheryn was snickering behind her.

“Nerds,” repeated Lizzy?

“What are you all doing or what?” demanded Mary Ann.

“WE are helping PRAY with whatever they need,” replied Casey.

“Oh, so like their slaves?” asked Katheryn

“No, not like that, we are liaiso…”

“More like leeaaaammeeoooos,” Mary Ann teased causing Katheryn to giggle once more.

“Well, at least some of us are here because we genuinely care about getting right with the Lord instead of boys,” added Lizzy sternly.

To which wiped the smirk off of both Mary Ann’s and Katheryn’s faces. Mary Ann took a step closer towards Lizzy.

“Look, nerd, don’t think I don’t know that you have a thing for my boyfriend Julio, the way you get all gaga eyed for him when he would walk into 5th period gym last year,” she menacingly whispered.

“Yeah,” sneered Katheryn.

“And remember ‘Lizzy’ or whatever the hell your name is, I am the queen of this church and cheer squad, and I can make your life a living Hell this senior year,” threatened Mary Ann.

“You don’t scare us floozy,” added Casey, quickly interfering and creating space between Lizzy and Mary Ann.

Just then, Edward and Joshua approached the four girls.

“Hey girls what’s all the fuss about,” Edward nervously asked?

“Oh, nothing Eddie, just talking about how fun and scrumptious dinner was last night,” cheerfully responded Mary Ann.

“Oh, yeah it was, you and your mom make the best pies ever,” he exclaimed!

“Anytime Eddie, what do you need our help with,” she asked while making her way towards him?

“Oh, well Joanna, Hannah, and Sara are gonna need you to help them make the cue cards for bible trivia,” he recommended.

He then walked Mary Ann towards the back table where the three PRAY girls were at quietly writing.

“Can, I help,” shouted Katheryn as she ran behind Edward and Mary Ann.

“Well, you girls can help make the prize bags for the winners of trivia,” instructed Josh.

“Okay,” agreed Casey.

The three walked to the opposite side of the lounge and began making prize bags with movie passes to Blockbuster and popcorn. Josh stood up and walked out leaving Casey and Lizzy alone, while the other members were across the lounge quietly working.

“Ugh, that bitch,” whispered Casey.

“Language,” reminded Lizzy.

“I can’t help it, she is making it seem like her and Edward are a thing while rubbing Julio in your face, ughh,” declared Casey!

“Calm down, one if Julio liked me back he would’ve asked me out instead of the answers for the algebra quizzes, and Edward is too old for us,” explained Lizzy.

“You don’t know that. For all we know she is a witch and is doing brujeria on them,” theorized Casey.

“Mary Ann, as in the pastor's daughter, head of the cheerleading squad? No way! She’s a lot of things but not a bruja” Lizzy stated.

“More like head of giving head,” jested Casey.

“CASEY,” Lizzy unknowingly shouted!

The PRAY members and two bullies all turned around and looked at Lizzy and Casey’s direction.

“Uh-huh, sorry,” blurted Lizzy.

Everyone turned around and quietly went back to working on the things they were instructed to do before morning prayer and bible trivia. The girls took fifteen minutes max to make the three prize bags. Once they were done, Isaiah approached them once more.

“Hey, what are my two liaisons doing,” he inquired?

“Just finished the prize bags for bible trivia,” answered Lizzy.

“Okay, now if you don’t mind, can one of you get me some markers, these expos have dried up,’ he politely asked?

“Of course, I’ll get them,” volunteered Casey.

Casey stood up and walked out of the lounge and into Marcela’s office. She always had the office supplies locked up in her office closet. You couldn't get any new supplies without Marcela knowing about it. While Casey was gone, Lizzy sat at the table observing the room. At the far end of the room , Mary Ann and Katheryn were chatting away while organizing the index cards with the women from PRAY. Josh had still not returned and Isaiah was erasing the dry erase board from the day before. She was quietly thinking about what the rest of the summer was going to hold for her, she was startled by the movement of the chair next to her. She let out a gasp.

“Oh, goodness me, I didn’t mean to scare you Lizzy,” apologized Edward.

“Mercy, me, no, don’t worry about it,” she assured him.

“What are you thinking about, I hope it’s the psalms we are gonna sing once it’s 10AM,” he teased.

“Oh, no, no,” she responded.

“Then about what?”

“About summer,”

“I take it you and the other youth leaders are all seniors in high school?”

“Yeah, that’s the only we can be youth leaders,”

“Oh, wow,”

“That and good grades and being good,” added Lizzy.

“Right, right. I remember when I was a senior a very long time ago,”Edward joked.

“How long ago was that,” pried Lizzy?

“Three years ago,” he replied.

“How old are you?”.

“I’m super old, I’m 21”

“21 is not old, that’s the dream age,” replied Lizzy.

“Dream? How come,” he wondered?

“Well you can buy alcohol and go out dancing.” explained Lizzy.

“True, but, you don’t have to be any age to pray to the Lord,” he reminded

“Fair point,” she agreed.

The door to the lounge flung open and in came Casey with the expo markers for Isaiah. She quickly spotted Edward sitting next to Lizzy and immediately smiled.

“Why do they call you Lizzy,” he asked?

“To avoid confusion between her and Mary Elizabeth,” interjected Casey.

“Oh,” answered Edward.

“Yeah,” confirmed Lizzy.

“So, have you girls attended this church all your lives?”

“Yes, since we can remember,” responded Casey.

“We moved into the same neighborhood as Casey’s back when we were in diapers,” added Lizzy.

“Oh, oh, okay,” he remarked.

“Yeah, and my parents befriended Lizzy’s parents, and the rest is history,” detailed Casey.

“I see, so you both are in the same grade, I imagine,”

“Yes, both of us seniors and both of us track runners.”

“That’s amazing! I did track back in my day,” he boasted.

“Really,” Casey cheerfully asked?

“Yes, if you girls need any pointers on nutrition and increasing miles let me know,” he offered.

“Oh, yes, we most definitely will ask,” coyly responded Casey.

“I’ll be glad to help,” he exclaimed!

In walked Mary Elizabeth with Pastor Glen and Joshua.

“Okay, ladies and gents, it’s time to go in and begin Morning Prayer,” instructed Pastor Glen.

“That’s right y’all’ let’s all line up and get ready to be filled with The Spirit,” chimed Mary Elizabeth with a big white smile.

“Are we ready,” asked Joshua to the troupe?

“Just about, I still need to finish with this white board,” explained Isaiah.

“Oh, well have someone stay behind and do it,” mentioned Joshua.

“That’s a terrific idea” chimed Mary Elizabeth, “I know how about Mary Ann, Kat, and Eddie stay and finish the categories and the rest of you line up and follow us.”

Once more Casey felt her blood boil hearing how Mary Elizabeth was desperate to throw Mary Ann at HER Edward.

“Keep a lid on it. Case, we need her to sign our community service hours, that’s 300 hours and another cord for our graduation,” reminded Lizzy.

“Ugh, but they’re both so awful,” complained Casey.

“I doubt they even know a thing, I doubt your husband even knows,” giggled Lizzy.

Both girls giggled as they walked behind the troupe and church elders.

Morning prayers went off without a hitch. Isaiah, Joanna, Sara, Hannah, and Joshua assisted the pastors in getting the kids to pray and sing the psalms and hymns with them. They even played a Jeopardy style game but with prayer. The children had to answer “What is the Book of John” as opposed to “What is Mt, Rushmore?” Rather than having a real buzzer, the members of the troupe took turns on being the winning bell and losing buzzer. These activities are 45 minutes long. By the time it was 11:15 in the morning, the pastors and troupe made the children exercise. They let out basketballs, volleyball nets, and rackets. The children had 45 minutes to play before lunch time. While the children were playing, Casey and Lizzy were sitting besides the stage talking.

“So, you found out how old he is,” Casey excitedly asked?

“Yeah,” confirmed Lizzy.

“How,” begged Casey.

“Don’t you wanna know how old he is,” argued Lizzy.

“Yeah, but youre a wallflower, how did you begin talking to him,” wondered Casey.

“I didn’t, he just sat down next to me and began talking,” explained Lizzy.

“Okay, and more details please…,” Casey pleaded.

“Well, that he was also a track runner in high school and he is 21,”

“Twenty-one and a track runner. This is too perfect,” Casey beamed.

“Calm down, he is still too old for us,” insisted Lizzy.

“No, the age of consent is 17,” informed Casey.

“Which we’re not, yet!” reminded Lizzy.

“But we will be,” refuted Casey.

“And how are you gonna go about keeping in contact with him after Friday? Remember, they are just visiting for the camp,” asked Lizzy.

“I don’t know, I'll think of something,” plotted Casey.

“Well you got three more days unless you wanna befriend Mary Ann,” implied Lizzy.

“Hell no!” bellowed Casey.

“Casey! But, she and Mary Elizabeth are providing room and board for him,” reminded Lizzy.

“Don’ they live close by the house,” questioned Casey?

“No, no, no, no, no” Lizzy stammered!

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes” refuted Casey.

“What now Casey,” asked Lizzy?

“Look, just hear me out, we go jogging by their house on our run, and they will see us and...”

“Edward will run out and propose to you like those books your mom reads?” sarcastically interrupted Lizzy.

“Well, hopefully,” raved Casey.

“Casey estas pero bien loca,”noted Lizzy.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yeah, only because I’m getting bored running in the same place.” agreed Lizzy.

“Deal!”

Later that Day

3:00 pm came and the buses that took the children to Houston and its surrounding cities were back. Casey, Lizzy, Mary Ann, Katheryn, Lynne, Lesly, Peggy, Julio, Jason, Mario, Marcus, Evan, Henry and Michael all helped the pastors load the children onto their buses. With more youth leaders to help and with Pastor Glenn’s two sons, made the process faster. The children remembered their buddies and bus numbers. By 3:55pm the last bus had left.

“Phew,” sighed Casey.

“Let’s go inside, it’s so humid,” commanded Lizzy.

“Houston for you,”blurted Casey.

“No kidding,” added Lizzy.

Both girls walked into the administration building and sat in the lobby waiting for Casey’s dad once again. Even though both fathers alternated as to who dropped the girls off in the morning for camp or school, when it came time for pick up, Casey’s dad was usually the one to do the chauffeuring. Casey’s dad LeSaber pulled up. Again, Casey informed Marcela that she was to be leaving along with Lizzy as per usual. Both girls made their way towards the car until they heard giggling. They turned to their right as they were about to open the car doors. It was Mary Ann and Katheryn giggling while talking to Edward.

“Remember the plan,” mentioned Casey as she got into the front passenger seat.

‘Hola girls, como les fue hoy,” inquired Juan

“Bien papi,”

“Fine Mr. Fuentes.”

“Lizzy, you are part of my family, you can call me Juan,”

“Oh no, my mother and father wouldn't allow me to be disrespectful,” reasoned Lizzy.

“It’s not disrespectful, you all are family,” reiterated Juan.

Once home, the girls again changed into their tracksuits with a little more vigor, this time they had a mission to accomplish. They needed to get Edward to notice Casey more than Mary Ann. Both girls began jogging out of their cul de sac, and past Autumn Lane, this time instead of making a right onto Autumn Oak Lane, they made a left onto Winter Lane.

“Do you know where this little whatever rhymes with witch lives,” inquired Casey?

“Yeah,” blurted Lizzy.

“How,” questioned Casey?

“When I came cruising with my dad once,” answered Lizzy.

“Cool,” exclaimed Casey.

Truth is Lizzy had been there because unbeknownst to Casey, she and Evan had a secret fling going on. No one knew of course. Lizzy had been quietly sneaking out and meeting Evan at the end of Winter Lane. He would park his car and wait for Lizzy to arrive. Once Lizzy arrived she’d strap herself and he’d drive to his house and sneak her into the outhouse. The outhouse had a pool table, bar, a big screen TV for the men to watch the Texans play. However, past 12:00pm when everyone was asleep during the school year, it was Evan and Lizzy’s lovenest.

“Now up this corner,” instructed Lizzy.

The girls made another left onto Fall Avenue. The houses were all gated with the latest luxury car 1997 could have. Both girls felt outranked the closer they got to Pastor Glenn’s house. Of course being head of the church his house wasn't a house but an estate. It took up an entire block and of course was gated with the tallest fences.

“Not very Christian like ey” jested Casey.

“Don’t start Casey,” barked Lizzy.

“Now, where do you think they’d be,” pondered Casey aloud.

“I don’t know but keep up pace or else we will look suspicious, we have to act as if we are just prepping for track,” commanded Lizzy.

“Wow, Lizzy, for the quiet one you seem to be pretty in your element here,” noted Casey.

“Shush,” hissed Lizzy.

The girls continued jogging, they went past the estate and onto a neighboring street, Spring Time Lane. Not only did it increase their miles, it killed time since it appeared no one was home at the estate. They passed another two streets before they decided to run back towards the estate and head home.

“Okay,” huffed Casey, “let’s slowly make our way back so I don’t look too bad when we see Edward.”

“Alrighty,” responded Lizzy.

As they were turning around making their way back towards the second street they passed, they heard a rustling in the bushes. Both girls turned and saw Edward sprinting towards them.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” panicked Casey.

“Language,” hissed Lizzy.

Edward finally caught up to the girls and stopped. Covered in sweat, running shorts, and no shirt.

“Liaison,” he breathed.

“Hi Eddie,” greeted Casey.

“Hi Edward,” peeped Lizzy.

“What are you girls doing here,” he inquired?

“We are upping our mileage for track,” Casey confidentiality answered.

“Oh, okay,” he breathily answered.

“I also live close by here, well we live close by,” answered Casey emphatically.

“Ohh okay, neighbors right,” he asked? “I remember you all telling me.”

“Yes,” Lizzy sheepily stated.

“You girls heading back home?”

“Yes, we are,” answered Lizzy.

“Would you like to join us on our run back, it's not too far from here,” suggested Casey.

“Naahh, maybe some other time, it’s almost supper time at Pastor Glenn's. I don’t want to be rude, I gotta go wash up,” he informed.

“Oh, okay,” Casey disappointedly answered.

“Well, I gotta go, bye girls,” Edward sprinted off to the direction of the estate.

“Not exactly as you planned it, ey,” Lizzy asked?

“Oh, shut up, he didn’t say no, just maybe,”

“Maybe, it's as good as a no,” cautioned Lizzy.

“Stop it, let's get back home,” ordered Casey.

“Race you there,” asked Lizzy?

“Alright, but don’t be upset when I win,” mentioned Casey.

“One of these days you won’t always win,” warned Lizzy.

“Well, until then,” commented Casey.

“Ready, set, go,” shouted Lizzy!

And both girls took off sprinting back towards their homes on Autumn Lane. This time Casey only beat Lizzy by five seconds.

“Nice try Lizzy,” Casey breathed.

“I’m telling you, I’ll be getting there soon,” threatened Lizzy.

“No, kidding, well see you tomorrow in the morning for camp,” departed Casey.

Both girls parted ways. Lizzy crossed the street and Casey went indoors. It was dusk and time for the girls to wash up for bed and prep for their third day of camp.

#crime fiction #crimefic #storytelling #fiction #fictional narrative #fictional writing #podcasti #podcast writing #podcast story #podcastersofinstagram #creative writers #creative writing #narrative #crime #thriller #chapter two

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coreyevanleak · 7 years

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A Problem to Solve | Part 4 | (Not Just a Black and White Issue)

After writing Part One of this series, I got to hear the stories of women and people of color trying to find a fit in a church environment that they felt marginalized in. I thought it would be important to share a couple of their stories to allow us to see the scope of the problem we can solve together. The first story was Part 3 of this series, written by Stephanie Zibell, about what it has been like for her as a woman in ministry. This week, I share a conversation I had with my friend Jensen Abraham. He is a first generation Indian American who served as a full time leader and mentor at at faith-based leadership school in Atlanta. He has also helped manage a non-profit organization that mentors thousands of youth and young adult pastors from across the Nation. He has recently married and spends his time developing an entrepreneurship school for middle and high school students in Dunwoody, GA.

Me: When did you begin to feel like you were limited in your potential to lead within the American Church?

Jensen: A few years ago, while I was a part of ministry school.. striving to be a youth pastor.. I had a class where the instructor was talking about how to reconcile cultures in the church. As an Indian in the church striving to be a part of church leadership one day, I was thrilled to hear this lesson. As the instructor continued talking about how white people lean towards white churches and black people lean towards black churches, they started talking about how difficult it is to have a multicultural staff in the American church and how churches needed to be intentional about having a staff with a mix of white people and black people. When this was said, a thought dawned on me that changed the course of my “journey to ministry”. If we, as the church, are just starting to integrate staffing to white and black people, what happens if you are an Indian? This thought then led to, “Even if an Indian winds up on staff to have more races represented, would it even be possible for an Indian to have an actual pastoral or teaching role? Would an Indian always just be a part of general staffing just to meet "multi cultural staff” quota? Do I even want to be a part of a place hiring me just because I am different? How often would a church be comfortable having an Indian representing them on stage? Would we ever be able to do more than give announcements from time to time? Even if I get a youth pastor position somewhere, would the pastor ever feel comfortable handing the church off to me one day if I had aspirations to be a senior pastor?“

Me: How common of an experience is this among Indians in ministry?

Jensen: I’ve had discussions with other Indians that had desires to be a part of church leadership. The ones that had any kind of success seemed to only be the ones that went to an all or majority Indian church. The ones that didn’t have success were the ones that tried to venture out and start multicultural churches and ended up becoming majority Indian before slowly dwindling away. There were a few that did manage to rise to real leadership, and I can count that number on one hand.

Me: What do you believe contributes to the low number of Indians serving in significant roles in ministry today?

Jensen: The percentage of Asian-Americans is slim in the church world. Many young Asian-Americans today are 1st or 2nd generation Americans in their families. They are taught early on that education and financial success are vital to their future. Without realizing it, often times the message of real faith and trust comes after education and financial success. This is not because Asian parents are money hungry. It is because either they or their parents came here from their home countries, had a HARD journey to get to America (coming with almost nothing) , and came here for better opportunities for the generations that follow them. Asian-American Christians make up a slim percentage of Christians in the U.S. So a slim percentage of this slim percentage have a dream or aspiration to be a part of church leadership.. of course it’s going to be tougher for them to find a real spot in church leadership… not impossible, just tough. And if you are an Indian, unfortunately, the way we look can prevent the types of roles that are offered to us in the church world.

Me: Why are we talking about "Asians” now?

Jensen: Because India is in Asia. 👀

Me: duh… I knew that. 😳

Me: Do you still feel called to church leadership?

Jensen: Yes… but not exactly what I once thought it would be. My wife and I are a part of a house church network that is doing a great job at raising disciples of all sorts of cultures.. not to meet a quota.. it actually just happened pretty naturally because the people in the group naturally live a life that create friendships with all sorts of cultures. However I am less than a year married, and my wife and I want to do whatever it takes to ensure a marriage for the long run. So we’ve taken a step back to focus on that. So for now, we love where we are at.

#christianity #christianblog #diversity

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lifewithjessi101 · 4 years

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My Religious Relationship

Christianity, a religion based on the person and teachings of Jesus of Nazareth, or its beliefs and practices. My faith has had a big impact on who I am today. It was not an easy road getting to where I am today with my faith. In grade school, I started going to Awanas at a local church with a group of friends. I loved memorizing verses, the different workbooks, the games, and of course the people involved. I continued to go through middle school also until I had to stop going because my weekly dance schedule was getting to be too much. At this time a new church was getting established. It was raising quite the buzz around town. My best friend at the time was going and even a big portion of my mom’s side of the family was going. Mom and I decided to try it out one Sunday morning. This was a completely different experience than I started with at Awanas. Since I was still technically in middle school I went with my best friend into the older kid’s room, while mom followed our family into the big auditorium. I remember that first day still today. The youth pastor was Andy. The room had a big projector screen in the front. A mini band up on the small stage. We first sang some songs. I don’t remember which worship songs they were but I do distinctly remember that they had dance moves or hand actions to go with them. I was in my element. After the songs, we dived right into the word of Jesus, prayed, and then were split up into smaller groups to discuss what was taught. We would each go around answering the reflection questions the youth leader had for us. After that, it was free time until our parents came out of the big auditorium. It was safe to say that both mom and I came back the next Sunday and the Sunday after that, and then the Sunday after that. This church had suddenly become our church home. I would eventually graduate out of the big kid’s room and join mom and the rest of my family in the auditorium. I remember the church would host different events as I was growing up. In junior high, I remember a sleepover/lock-in, in high school, they would have a fifth quarter hang out for after the football games on Friday nights, trunk or treats on Halloween, the most beautiful Christmas Eve and Easter services, and I hear the best summer camp but I could never go because of my dance schedule. Sundays were the highlight of the week for Mom and me. My favorite part of church service is worship. The upbeat music played every week lit a fire in my heart. The family atmosphere every Sunday morning was contagious. My family would catch up on what happened throughout the week before and after the service while interchanging greeting to other churchgoers around us. Then life throws you big curve balls that get in your way. In my senior year of high school, the hectic lifestyle hit us hard. I was involved in dance so much to the point I was gone to a competition every weekend. My family that we went to church with was moving across the country. I was starting some college courses to get a head start on my bachelor’s degree. Church had started to take a backseat in our lives. Looking back at it, those are absolutely horrible excuses. It wasn’t till the summer going into my senior year of college I found my way back.

A couple of months ago our church young adult pastor was preaching about his story, the moment where he knew God was 100% in his life telling him to follow him. Mine was July 20th, 2019. I was just getting over the worst possible summer anyone could ever have. I lost my Dad in a span of four weeks to cancer. I remember that night vividly. Mom and I were in the living room just sitting watching TV when I don’t remember why I said it but I looked at her and asked her if she wanted to go to church in the morning. I could tell she was shocked but happily said sure. We went to the 9 a.m. service that morning. We were greeted with open arms into that family atmosphere I remembered growing up but with some new faces, and a new head campus pastor. Also, the new young adult pastor was a kid I went to high school with. That Sunday morning was a light switch for me. I knew I didn’t have to go through this alone. I gave it all up. I wasn’t grieving alone, God was right by my side. I handed it all over to God that morning and every day after that. That night I got a message from the young adult pastor saying he was happy to see me at church and inviting me to the church’s college-age ministry service night. That week I tested it out. I’m so glad I did. I found my faith again. That Tuesday night the group was starting a challenge of reading the bible every day for thirty days. In this challenge, I was introduced to Bible Journaling, which has been an outlet for my faith. It has grown my relationship with God stronger and stronger day by day. Sundays and Tuesdays are the days of the week I know look forward to most of all. Mom and I both read our Bibles every day through a 27-week reading plan our church has started called The Cure. Now I know I’m not perfect and there will be bumps along the way but I know that I have an intimate personal relationship with Jesus Christ and he is right by my side through it all. He is just starting with me.

#lifestyleblog #lifewithjessi101 #blogbabe #religion #relationship #christianity

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fortunatemoose · 4 years

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Most Embarrassing Memory

The earliest memory I have of being embarrassed was when I was I was 7 years old.

I was by all measures a “church kid.” Virtually all of the memories I have before middle school are set in a church or in a Christian school. I went to Sunday School as soon as my parents could leave me by myself and by junior year of high school, I had been managing and facilitating the youth group at a small Lutheran church in Johnston County, NC. My mom’s parents met at a church camp (and he proposed to her on the first date, but that’s a story for another day). My grandfather’s second career was as a Methodist minister. My dad’s mom has sung in church choirs since just after WWII. The pews were my playground, and I knew every nook and cranny in every church I ever attended. Regardless of how I feel about churches now, back then, they were my fortress and refuge. I felt safe, loved, cared for, at home. And, like a good little Sunday School attendee, I wanted everyone to be a part of it. I received love, and I was charged to share it. My relationship with church goes much further and deeper, but for the purposes of sharing this story, my church was my happy childhood home.

I have never been great at dealing with change. Still not. But in my compulsive need to please every authority figure ever, I compartmentalize my negative feelings away and shift my focus to managing the change in the most responsible and enthusiastic way humanly possible.

My first pastor was Pastor Steve (I was too young to understand last names while I knew him, but I’m sure my parents would know if I asked), and he was the church’s only pastor. It wasn’t until I changed churches that I even knew church’s could have a main pastor, a youth pastor, a senior pastor, a vicar, etc all at one church, so for me, Pastor Steve was/had to be everything I needed in a Pastor. When I was that young, he didn’t need to be a lot though. Children’s messages before sermons on Sunday mornings and helping with the Christmas pageant is all I really remember about him anymore. But I was also so young that I hadn’t yet learned that people can leave you forever. I knew that when someone left you, you should feel scared. When I was three, my dad was in a terrible accident (which is also a story for another day), but he eventually came back to me. I hadn’t yet lost anyone else, so I assumed when someone leaves, they eventually come back.

But Pastor Steve left. In many denominations, like in many other professions, clergy can move from job to job, and in some cases they have to. I’m sure that all of the adults understood that this is part of his job, and they probably all had a better grasp on the concept of “moving on” (one I still struggle with). But his departure blindsided me. How could we possibly have church without Pastor Steve? Well, fret not, young Moose. Some faceless authority swoops in and delivers a brand new one as soon as the door closes behind the last one.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that it is a good thing that my church only had a small amount of time without a leader at the helm. I’m sure it kept things orderly. But my feeble mind couldn’t fathom how I was supposed to mourn the loss of a significant figure in my life (I also had a sort of strange childhood crush on him, but that’s part of a much, much larger story about my confusing relationships with spiritual authority figures) and concurrently begin attending to the task of being responsible and enthusiastic about this change. Somewhere along the way, I bargained with myself about my best course of action. If I could simply be capable of anticipating and meeting every single need this new pastor had, maybe I could be so good, then he wouldn’t leave like the last one. Problem solved. If I could prevent anyone from leaving by being the most perfect and helpful person, I wouldn’t have to deal with grief or mourning ever again.

ALL of this to say, I had mad anxiety about meeting this dude for the first time.

The ladies at the church had organized a welcome party for this new pastor in the church’s basement fellowship hall. It must’ve been a Saturday afternoon, because I remember the clear rays of sunshine being dissolved into a hazy mist by the white gauzy, floor-length curtains, and how that light danced on the backs of metal folding chairs and gave an ethereal glow to the popcorn ceiling. He and his family walked through the swing doors into oblong fellowship hall and I don’t remember what else happens until I’m sitting with my parents, the new pastor and his family, including a daughter about a year older than me, and maybe a handful of other people. The conversation must’ve died down a little bit, and my stressed out self decided to break the silence. Now was my chance, I thought, I can make this girl my best friend and then I’ll have a big “in” with her dad. I made direct eye contact, and very matter-of-fact, very I’m-the-one-who-knows-stuff-around-here, very just-loud-enough-to-let-the-adults-know-that-I’m-helpful-AND-confident-about-it, said to his daughter:

“So, here we have this really cool youth room, it has huge couches all over the place. I hang out there all the time. And we have all this Kool-Aid in the kitchen, and I know where they keep it. I can show you sometime if you want.” #humblebrag

The girl snickered (I’m sure it was just a giggle that my sensitive brain coded as a snicker). She replied, “I’ve been here before, I already know about the youth room and the Kool-Aid.”

Instantly I blushed and cowered. Of course! Of course she’s been here before, you idiot. Her dad just talked about how much he enjoyed the tour last week. Oh man, now the adults think you’re not very helpful after all. I don’t remember if anyone else -actually- laughed at me, but I certainly remember feeling like they were at least doing it in their heads. And I remember feeling like I deserved to feel humiliated because I hadn’t known quite as much as I thought I did. Now everyone thinks I’m stupid. And clearly I am. Not smart enough. Not helpful enough.

Later in my childhood, a frequent icebreaker question for truth-or-dare was, “What’s your most embarrassing memory?” and this moment, and the piercing vacuum in my stomach, feeling momentarily unable to breathe, my cheeks hot with blood, is what always came to mind. But the thing is, it’s not really that embarrassing. Like straight up, if that same interaction happened today, I would just laugh back and say “my bad!” I offered something, someone simply said they didn’t need that thing.

So, ok. It’s not embarrassing. But in my memory, this moment is dripping in shame.

Even today, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why this particular moment was such a trigger of shame for me, canonizing itself in my Childhood Memories™--greatest hits edition. But I do recognize that it is an early intersection of self image issues that are scattered in bits and pieces around the rest of my life. My relationships to and with male authority figures. My fear of not knowing everything. My battle with feeling inferior to everyone else. Second guessing my instinct. The question, “am I actually being helpful? Or am I trying to look like I’m helpful?” My perceived inability to form meaningful and long-lasting relationships with anyone. My struggle with the role my faith and spirituality have overall in my life.

Everyone’s faces and names have faded from my memory now, I don’t even remember that first or last name of that new pastor or his daughter. I don’t really have a sense of what else was going on that day, I only remember fleeting images of the afternoon. But I remember that physical feeling of being -mortified- and -humilated- like it was yesterday. The breathlessness, the hot cheeks, that sharp pull in my belly. I can’t parse out why exactly THIS moment is the one that represents “Embarrassment” for me. But I hope this moment is earmarked for my growth, that I might be able to glean some important lesson from such an emotionally charged moment.

It’s either that, or I just have a really shitty “Most Embarrassing Memory.”

If anyone is out there reading this, what’s your most embarrassing memory?

#most embarrassing story #childhood memories #church #shame #moose diary

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smartchurchblog-blog · 4 years

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The 3 Fundamental Aspects Essential For a Church to Grow

There exists within practically all companies, or absolutely those worth their grain of salt, a need to expand. We reside in a world of growth.

Think about on your own today as well as on your own at birth. Each day from the get go there has actually been development. Cells replicate regularly. Your kids ... they grow! Every little thing expands or it dies.

Priests, more than any individual, desire to see the people they lead grow emotionally. Priests recognize that if individuals are expanding mentally and enough of them do so, the church will certainly grow numerically.

There are 3 elements fundamental to any church's development. Please know that having any or all of these components in place does not guarantee development. Nonetheless, not having all 3 in place will guarantee the church will certainly not expand.

If you are in an established church, one that has been around 25 years or more, you need to plan on an extensive time period of bringing these components to the center of your foundation. Do not anticipate that you can review this write-up, most likely to the board following week, the personnel the following week, and also have these in place by the very first of the month. This is meticulous job, yet it is the work the senior leader of any kind of excellent church need to do to construct an effective ministry.

Please note that in all these aspects the personnel word is "excellent." All churches have these elements. However, in far too many churches the components are refrained well. That is tough to approve, but you must offer a vital eye to each of these and identify the level of "great" for each.

1. Good preaching. Let's speak initial concerning your very own preaching. This makes a great deal of pastors anxious and also highlights instabilities in others. I am not recommending you need to be Billy Graham. I am stating, nevertheless, that the preaching originating from your pulpit has to be great. You need to be an ongoing student of teaching. Listen to excellent preachers. Discover the art and also craft of teaching. Pray hard, prepare hard, and teach hard. The teaching need to be excellent.

It is clear from basically all the studies I check out that the non-believer these days is wide-open to listening to the truth from God's Word. The exact same visibility that exists for all kind of negative faith as well as spiritual searches is open to good biblical preaching. Do not back down to declarations like, "The preaching actually doesn't matter, it's the other programs of the church." Incorrect! Study and also pray to preach well.

2. Good songs. The music at the church you offer does not have to be Hillsong however it need to be good. It has to be great. It is critical that those that come into your church see that you comprehend the society, and like it or not, good songs is central to our society today. One of the most likely team to think about a change and involve the church is the under 40 group. Their world is full of superior music. It is your work to make the songs at church the most effective it can be.

I comprehend the restrictions of churches in the quality of musicians readily available for Sunday morning solutions. I also observe that in even more situations than not, the elderly pastor hesitates to place assumptions on artists due to the fact that dealing with musicians can occasionally be an obstacle. Nevertheless, when challenging those with gifts in music to be the best they can possibly be, the elderly pastor in fact plays to their wish for quality. Don't work out! Opt for the best in your challenge of them.

3. Good ministry to children. This is where a great deal of us mistake. Understand, no flannelgraphs! There is ministry to youngsters and afterwards there is GOOD ministry to kids. Kids are technology savvy and also you require to be that great as well as much better to capture and hold their focus. Be clever and be excellent in your ministry to kids.

Believe me, when a young family members sees the church, it indicates little that you are Baptist, Methodist, Independent, AG, or Open Holy bible. You and I have heard it from young moms and dads for several years, "What do you have for my kids?" When you have children weeping because their parents have come to choose them up FROM the youngsters's' ministry and not crying to head to the kids's ministry you are well on your way to having in location among the greatest and also most ignored elements of church development, excellent ministry to youngsters.

Church Giving

Noticeably missing from this checklist of three are two things. Let me address them for you.

Initially, ministry to youth is not included. Why is that? The solution is initial points initially. Youngsters come prior to youth. Churches around the nation do it in reverse. When a church begins to grow, the very first team person they typically hire is the young people priest. If they were to truly do it right, it must be the children's pastor.

I am amazed at the number of churches I discover that have good young people ministries yet rotten kids's ministries. It is apparent that gradually the young people ministry is never being feed solid incoming sixth as well as 7th due to the fact that they come from such bad children's ministries. Poor ministry begets poor ministry. Never ever undervalue what God can do in building your church through the hearts of children who then come to be young people.

The other evidently missing out on piece is that of discipleship. I would certainly suggest that, as a matter of fact, discipleship is not missing. Discipleship starts in the pulpit. You ought to do not hesitate to communicate to those that really feel the church does refrain from doing sufficient in disciplining believers that the discipleship begins on Sunday morning in the pulpit and then emanates from there.

Bear in mind, placing these aspects in place will require time. If you remain in a recognized church, it is going to chat a long period of time; certainly months and most likely years. Nevertheless, when you have good preaching, excellent music, as well as good ministry to children in place you will certainly have the structure in position to expand an excellent church. Likewise remember, there will be a lot of job in advance of you when the structure is laid. Without the strong structure, nevertheless, little that is built will certainly stand up to the examination of time.

I expect what God will certainly do in the ministry of the church you lead as these three components are strengthened with time.

Penis Hardy is the Founder and also Head Of State of The Hardy Group, an Exec Consulting firm for senior pastors of churches. Whatever yet preaching is his motif. Handling the stuff that keeps you up in the evening is his focus.

Dick brings a wealth of experience to the table for priests when handling the tough concerns of the church about growth, company, management, administration, and also modification. His solution as Administrative Priest at 2 huge churches and as Vice President at a front runner partisan Bible college makes him a source your church will want to keep. Dick is additionally offered to act as a speaker on this subject and much more.

#Church Giving

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icxcnika · 5 years

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Preface: I was not a part of nor did I know about the Orthodox Church during the experience described below.

I experienced what I’ve come to understand as a powerful conversion to Christianity (aka. I “got saved” or “born again”). At that time, roughly halfway through my sophomore year of high school (16 years old, early 1994), a childhood friend shared with me the Gospel of Jesus Christ over the phone. I had never heard anyone talk about experiencing God like he did. Though raised in the Lutheran church, I didn’t know what I believed and had never thought much about it. I loved my friend and so listened to him, and took to heart what he shared. He instructed me to pray that night and to ask Jesus to come in to heart and save me. As I prayed, God’s presence suddenly became real. I was aware of His love for me and that I was in desperate need of Him and His salvation. My life radically changed that night. Suddenly church sermons and services that used to be drudgery were alive as my soul drank in the spiritual food I desperately craved and needed.

At the end of the summer that year I encountered an older teen preaching and talking about Jesus with zeal and passion in a parking lot after an end-of-summer/back to school event. He convinced me to go to church with him the next day and on the way told me about “charismatic experiences” such as the “baptism in the Holy Spirit.” At the end of the sermon, I sped to the front of the church at the alter call. I felt the spirit of God flood me with a joy and elation like never before. I left the church that night “baptized in the holy spirit” with a sense of aliveness, love and fire for God, and a newfound zeal that I could barely contain.

Roughly 10 months later this joyous, wondrous new life abruptly abated as I, like a climber in crisis, lost his grip while attempting to scale a cliff. I was 17 years old and it was the summer of 1995. The pastor of my church at the time asked me to house-sit while he and his family went out of town. I welcomed the opportunity since I had a crush on his daughter and wanted to make a good impression. I piously thought I was going to spend that week in solitude, in the presence of God for rejuvenation and spiritual growth. My experience turned out to be quite different. I woke up in their house that morning to see them off and to receive final instruction on chores and oversight of the property. After they left I tried to go back to bed and awakened later that morning from broken sleep in agony. I found myself in my pastor’s house with a feeling of tangible despair, even terror. The emotional pain that was suddenly there seemed almost physical. I had a deep sense of hopelessness, of overwhelming doom, guilt and sadness. It was as if suddenly an impenetrable wall separated me from any real enjoyment. I spent that week frantic, begging God to deliver me. All of the confidence in the one thing that was sure, the one thing that provided me a real sense of purpose, hope and meaning seemed suddenly gone. It felt like God had taken his Spirit from me.

I spent the remainder of that summer feeling awful in a kind of desperate state, which I started thinking of as a spiritual desert of sorts; anything to make sense of what was going on and how terrible I felt. I spoke to few about what I was experiencing because I didn’t understand it and I didn’t know what to say or how to describe suddenly feeling so bad. On the outside I seemed fine to most (I’m not one to sulk) and there was nothing going on in my life (ex. death of a loved one, sickness, financial stress, exams etc. etc.) externally to warrant such misery. My mom said something to me after she noticed my new regimen of ibuprofen, which I had started in attempt to treat a dull headache that wouldn’t go away. That headache ended up lasting for years.

My parents eventually took me to a psychiatrist during my senior year of high school but treatment for depression (starting a regimen of antidepressant medication) seemed ineffective (after only a few weeks) and was discontinued. Other psychiatric interventions (resuming psychotropic medication) years later resulted in minimal relief though I wouldn’t say it was completely ineffective. In all I spent the rest of high school, all of college, and the first few years of my post college working life in this crippling depression. In total it lasted over 7 years. I was miserable. Internally, my emotional and social resources were near absent, and I wondered where God was in the middle of all this. Romantic relationships became most difficult and seemed to exacerbate the pain I was already feeling. During college, I would spend hours in a windowless room in the library praying, reading the bible, seeking and even begging for a way out, for deliverance. I was terrified of the overwhelming prospect of the future; how was I going to care for and support myself in the world while existing on the brink of such overwhelming emotional dysfunction? I was barely hanging on and I felt any moment the depression would push me over the brink. One night in the shower I threw every cuss word I could think of at God for not helping me and allowing me to remain in this terrible state. I felt guilty for it but then again I always felt bad, always felt guilty and broken, and always felt trapped within myself.

Toward the end of college, I found a somewhat enjoyable and fulfilling outlet serving in a local church youth group as a volunteer leader where I was able to reach out and befriend some “misfit” high school kids that were unchurched and intrigued with the youth group. Some years later after graduating from college, I remember going on a retreat with them to Panama City Beach. I don’t remember why, but weeks before I had stopped taking my psychiatric medication. I remember riding home with the group in one of a few 12 passenger vans when my depression seemed to tumble to new lows. I remember the whole way home wanting to tare open the van door and throw myself out onto the interstate as it zipped by. It seemed I was trapped in this thought. I was so miserable and I started to believe the only way to alleviate the pain was to die. The next day after returning home I got my loaded revolver and seriously considered shooting myself. Instead, I called my dad who also struggled with depression (I learned), and he took me to the hospital. I wasn’t admitted because I “didn’t feel bad enough” to hurt myself anymore after confiding in my dad.

I think it was at this time that I started a new medication. I had low expectations for its effectiveness after years of unhelpful treatment. I thought for years that this was my new reality but deep down still had a glimmer of hope that things might somehow get better. I remember exactly where I was when things abruptly changed. I was at work (my first job after college, working in a mailroom) completing an in-office mail delivery when suddenly I didn’t feel depressed anymore. The hopelessness, the misery, the overwhelming anxiety, the headache all seemed to lift. Things had finally changed. I finally felt better.

I’m 42 now. Through my experience, I’ve learned and come to realize depression is an illness that doesn’t necessary have anything to do with life circumstances, though life circumstances can certainly exacerbate and induce depression. I think depression is sometimes triggered by things like romantic relationships and religious stress because these things are among the most emotionally loaded experiences we have in life, and depression is an illness that affects the emotions. Gillian Crow says in her biography about Metropolitan Anthony that “he was very, very wary of emotions. In his eyes it was something false, easily manipulated, a dangerous substitute for feeling – that deep movement of the heart that responds to God but is not swayed by externals.” Through all this I hope I have developed a soberer perspective about my emotions. I do still struggle with melancholy and I can tell my depression is still there even though I feel better, and I must respect it and acknowledged it as the illness (MY illness) it is. Moreover, I must prioritize treatment for this illness.

For the most part I’ve stopped asking “why.” Why did this happen? What did I do to make this happen, to bring this on myself? Did God do this? Why did God allow this? Is this just a chemical imbalance? Is this just an inherited biological disposition? Was this the other side of some hypomanic, emotional religious experience? I rarely wonder these things anymore. I believe God was always there, loving and seeing me through all of this, even if only in retrospect. Abbot Tryphon recently said in one of his Morning Offering podcasts that God is not far removed from us. We only feel He is absent. The awareness of God's presence in our lives comes with struggle. I also believe the so-called silver lining of the thing is vaster than I can see and understand. I once believed I was called to be a pastor, to be someone “great,” and I think after some of my spiritual experiences I started to develop a degree of prelest or spiritual delusion and pride. To whatever extent my battle with depression has and continues to help develop a less judgmental attitude, humility, and a sense of need for God I am grateful. In her book Path to Sanity (which I HIGHLY recommend), Dee Pennock says “With spiritual and psychological problems, we don’t want to allow other people to label things for us saying, ‘this is a good thing,’ or ‘that is a bad thing.’ We want always to check with our physicians of the soul.Depression is commonly seen nowadays as a bad thing. Everybody jumps on that. It’s not always true. Feeling unhappy, even profoundly depressed, has never been considered unnatural or inappropriate by the saints.” She continues, “The first thing, for a person with chronic depression, then, is to pray vigorously: Deliver me from Pride and give me self-knowledge, to climb out of the blindness and confusion of ignorance. And next to pray: Lord Jesus Chris, deliver me from believing and obeying idols. Idols are tyrants, laying false obligations and cruel evaluations on those they control. Idols paralyze their victims with mind crippling stress and hopelessness. It’s essential to pray until we’re rid of all their brain-washing.” I assure you I will be praying these prayers for the rest of my life. I often feel like damaged emotional goods, like I’m incapable in so many ways and emotionally wounded, but I know through the Orthodox Church and Her wonderful theology and perspective on suffering that God loves us and that He is there loving us no matter what happens. We must never give up, never give into despair! There is effective treatment. Please, if you are battling what seems like endless depression and hopelessness get help and don’t give up on treatment. Yes, the process can sometimes be long and arduous but things will get better! Please pray for me, a sinner that bears the cross of depression. Thanks for reading.

Reese Martin

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andrewdburton · 5 years

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How the toss of a coin determined my fate

Hello! I have returned from my final big trip of the year, and I've resumed working behind the scenes here at Get Rich Slowly. Soon, new articles will begin to appear on this site.

Oh, wait. Here's a new article now!

On my most recent trip, I happened to tell the same story twice to two different groups. In doing so, I realized that it's a story I've never told here. That's unfortunate. It's about an event that had a profound impact on the course of my life — and my finances.

To bide the time while I work on longer articles, today I'd like to share how my fate was decided by the literal toss of a coin.

Going to College

My parents never pushed higher education on my brothers and me. Both my father and mother had attended church schools briefly — Goshen College for him, Brigham Young University for her — but neither one graduated. My uncle got a math degree from a local junior college, and my cousin Duane got a business degree from yet another church school.

Growing up, I can't remember that college was ever discussed in depth. It came up in conversation now and then, but there was never any expectation that my brothers and I would go.

But: I was a nerd. I hung out with other nerds. I read and I wrote. I entered math contests for fun. My favorite movies were about college and about college professors. I romanticized college life (and still do today).

Mitch and J.D., nerds in 1984, nerds in 2019

Because my parents were poor, I knew there was no way they'd be able to pay for my college education. It never entered my mind. If I wanted to attend school, I'd have to do it on my own. As a matter of fact, I thought that was how college worked for everyone.

I had no money saved of my own, so I took the only path available: Scholarships. I didn't get great grades in high school — I had a 3.29 GPA — but I got great grades where it counted. I did well in advanced classes; my low grades came from electives and physical education. (And, ironically, from my personal-finance class, in which I earned a D!)

I was also very active in clubs and activities. I was in choir. I was in drama. I was in the Future Business Leaders of America. I wrote for the newspaper. I edited the school literary journal. I was a leader in my church youth group.

Most importantly, I realized that doing well on the PSAT and the SAT were the key to unlocking high-value scholarships. Since I'd always done well on standardized tests, I prepped hard for these entrance exams. I nailed the PSAT. My SAT scores were good enough to back up the first test, so I got a National Merit Scholarship. Bingo! Plus, I applied for a ton of scholarships and won a few.

In the end, I was able to attend Willamette University in Salem for free. (And that's why I cannot write about student loans. I never had them.)

From Religion to Psychology

When I left for college, I was very religious. In fact, I intended to major in religion. My short-term goal — and I'm not joking — was to become a missionary to South America so that I could convert the “heathens”. My long-term goal was to become a youth pastor…and then a pastor.

I took a couple of religion courses during my freshman year. They made me an agnostic. (Something that would have dismayed my professors, if they'd known.) Comparative religion, especially, led me to question the beliefs I'd been so sure of just a year before.

Because I'd always been interested in psychology — and because psychology is somewhat similar to religion — I decided to study that instead. I found it fascinating.

At first, I wanted to focus on child psychology. Or maybe to teach elementary school. (I spent a semester doing an elementary ed “practicum”, meaning I was a teaching assistant in a first-grade classroom.) During my sophomore and junior years, I focused my attention on psychology and teaching. I decided to become a grade-school teacher.

Kris and I had begun dating by this time. She too decided she wanted to teach — but she wanted to teach high-school chemistry. Early in our senior year, we both took the NTE, the National Teacher Exam. I scored higher than she did, which remains one of my proudest achievements. But she followed through with teaching. I didn't.

The Flip of a Coin

In the final semester of my senior year, I took my final psychology course: “Techniques of Counseling”. This class was taught by an actual clinical therapist with a practice in Salem, Oregon. I loved it. This felt like work that I was meant to do.

I loved it so much, in fact, that I did something very, very stupid. Instead of pursuing education, I put that possible career path on hold. While Kris applied to pursue a Master of Arts in teaching, I went “all in” on psychology and counseling. Except that I went “all in” without any idea what I needed to do to pursue the career. And without a backup plan.

I didn't apply to graduate programs. I didn't look for work in Salem. I didn't do anything. Instead, I trusted to the Fates, as I always had. For once, the Fates were not kind.

Toward the end of my counseling course, the professor pulled two of us students aside. “J.D. and Kari”, he said — Kari was an ex-girlfriend who was also taking the class — “you are my two top students. I'd like to offer one of you an internship, but I can't decide which. You would both make excellent counselors, but I only have room for one of you at my practice. What I'd like to do is flip a coin. The winner will get to work with me. Does that sound fair?”

We both said yes. I lost the coin toss. I didn't go into counseling. I didn't go into teaching. I went to work for my father, selling boxes for our family box business.

Chance or Choice?

My destiny was decided by chance. Only it wasn't. Yes, I lost that coin flip, which meant I didn't get the gig as intern for my counseling professor. But what happened after that is wholly on me. I just didn't realize it then…or for another 25 years.

In retrospect — and this is something I've only come to understand in the past five years — that coin toss decided very little. I was the one who decided my fate based on the result of that toss.

Think about it.

I could have asked my professor if he knew of any other practices in Salem that might be interested in an intern. He'd already told me he thought I did quality work. He would have been willing to help.

I could have asked him to write a personal recommendation, then used that recommendation to pursue graduate studies. Or other opportunities in the field.

I could have followed up to see whether or not Kari actually accepted the internship. From my memory, this was the last time I ever saw her. I've checked Facebook over the years, but haven't been able to track her down. Did she do that internship? Is she a counselor today? I have no idea…and I wonder. But there's a chance she didn't take the opportunity, which means it would have been available to me.

Instead of passively accepting my “fate”, I could have taken action and applied (late, yes) to teaching and/or psychology graduate programs.

In 1991, because of my upbringing, I had an external locus of control.

I believed that outside people and events controlled my future. Today, nearly thirty years later, I have very much the opposite view. I believe that I control my future.

What would my life have been like if I'd taken action when I was 22 instead of remaining passive? I don't know. In some ways, it doesn't matter. I like who I am and what I've become. I wouldn't be the person I am today without losing that coin toss, without selling boxes for seventeen years. I can't regret my decision.

All the same…I wonder.

More to the point, part of my mission in life is to encourage young people to actively determine the course of their lives. Don't be passive. Don't let other people and events determine who you are and who you'll become. To the extent that you are able, be the captain of your destiny.

The post How the toss of a coin determined my fate appeared first on Get Rich Slowly.

from Finance https://www.getrichslowly.org/toss-of-a-coin/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

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longislandweekly-blog · 5 years

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Long Islanders travel to children’s village in Africa

The team working with Ghanians to build a new home.

Twenty people from Shelter Rock Church—which has three locations across Nassau County—traveled to Ghana in West Africa this summer. For a week, they spent their mornings helping Ghanaian contractors to build a permanent cinder block home for a woman in the Teacher Mante community whose husband died last year. The widow and her seven children had been sleeping on the dirt floor of their one-room mud and stick house.

During the afternoon, the group led a Vacation Bible School in the nearby Village of Hope, bonding with 44 children through games, crafts and other activities.

“By the end of the week, a lot of the children started to make connections with our team,” said trip-goer Jerry O’Sullivan, lead pastor at Shelter Rock’s Syosset campus. “Some of the children opened up about challenges in their past—of having their parents die and not having people looking out for them.”

Thanks to Project Nyame Nsa (PNN), the village has housed orphaned children since July 2016. The Christian nonprofit organization—whose name means “God’s helping hands” in Twi, a popular dialect in Ghana—was founded by Manhasset native Devon Leondis, 25, almost a decade ago.

“The Village of Hope is not a typical orphanage. I don’t even like using that word,” Leondis said. “It’s really a children’s village…Children belong in families, not in institutions.”

Project Nyame Nsa founder Devon Leondis with children from the village

Each apartment in the village includes one mother and eight or nine foster siblings. Leondis hopes that PNN will enable the children to become future leaders and changemakers.

She first envisioned building homes for African orphans as a little girl.

“It was a dream that God put in my heart,” she said.

Instead of accepting gifts for her 16th birthday, Leondis asked guests for donations. She raised enough money to build three fresh water wells. Six months later, she and her father flew to Ghana to see the people whose lives she’d affected.

Leondis met individuals from rural villages outside Accra, the capital city, and heard stories of daily struggles, of parents dying, of orphaned children not going to school.

“Growing up in Manhasset, I wasn’t always so exposed to what is really going on in the world,” she said. “One of the most beautiful things about stepping out of your comfort zone is…that you’ll be challenged to think about the reality of other people’s everyday lives.”

After returning to the U.S., she filed the paperwork to start PNN and began raising money to build the Village of Hope.

Family in Ghana that received a new home

One of the first children who joined the community had been abandoned at birth. A victim of child labor, he’d never received an education. He was a victim of child labor, Leondis said, who lacked a sense of belonging or that he mattered.

But during a church service months later, she recounted, the boy “accepted Jesus as his savior.”

“From that point on, we saw a radical transformation in his heart,” she said. “He now feels so loved and has dreams for his generation in Ghana. He wants to do exactly what we’re doing at Project Nyame Nsa in his own country and part of breaking the orphan cycle.”

In addition to attending a recently opened Montessori school, the village’s children frequently pray and often participate in other biblical activities. Leondis stressed, however, that PNN is not seeking to proselytize.

“We don’t try to convert any of the kids. They totally have free will to accept it or not, but from what we’ve seen, almost all the children coming in are accepting this in their own time when they feel ready,” she said. “But we’ve had children come in from different faiths, and we wouldn’t exclude anyone.”

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Family in Ghana that received a new home

A completed new home for a family

O’Sullivan, who was Leondis’s youth pastor, highlighted the Christian value of caring for the vulnerable. He believes that the children’s “vibrant” relationship with God has given them optimism and inner strength. (By comparison, behavioral science expert Gleb Tsipursky wrote in Psychology Today that “religion is only one among many ways of developing a personal sense of life meaning and greater sense of personal agency.”)

O’Sullivan noted that the children still retain their language and customs.

“They are thriving because of the Ghanian culture that’s infused in Project Nyame Nsa. For example, the older boys love to play the drums to the point where they lead drums for the church services,” he said. “I don’t want these kids to think, ‘If you live in America, you’re blessed; if you live here, you’re not.’”

Angelle Kwemo, who founded an initiative that seeks to empower young Africans, believes that “foreign assistance has, at times, developed a culture of dependency in Africa,” she wrote in an article for The Brookings Institution.

“You don’t need American volunteers to run this project,” Leondis said. “It’s fully sustainable with all local leadership.”

Pastor Jerry OSullivan and his daughter Lydia, a senior at Northshore High School

But to provide “a little extra love and encouragement,” O’Sullivan said, the 20-person group stayed in the Village of Hope from July 26 to Aug. 3.

Rich Cutler, who owns Mim’s Restaurant in Roslyn Heights, described the trip as “transformational” because of the relationships that he, his wife and their 14-year-old daughter forged. It’d been his daughter’s idea to go.

Cutler recalled an especially meaningful moment.

“The children were individually praying for us, out loud…in their own words. They were praying for the people on our team,” he said. “All of us were crying at the end.”

Next July, PNN plans to open a village in Zambia; Leondis aims to help raise children across the entire African continent, “if not the world,” she added. Building a children’s village in every nation of the world would be impossible, she admitted, but her goal is to encourage others to shift the paradigm of orphan care.

Leondis advised children with aspirations like hers to remember that “big dreams don’t happen overnight.”

Similarly, O’Sullivan called on young people in particular to assist individuals of different backgrounds.

“When we serve each other,” he said, “it helps break down some of the barriers and walls that we tend to erect.”

Twenty Long Islanders recently traveled to a children's village in Ghana founded by Project Nyame Nsa (PNN), an organization that rethinks what orphan care should look like in Africa. Long Island Weekly's Rudy Malcom speaks with the young founder of PNN and the trip-goers who spent their mornings building homes and afternoons leading activities for the children of the Village of Hope. Long Islanders travel to children’s village in Africa Twenty people from Shelter Rock Church—which has three locations across Nassau County—traveled to Ghana in West Africa this summer.

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jess-oh · 5 years

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Reflection 22.4.19

hey journal, ive been starting to think about my life in catalyst and whether or not i would want to stay if that ministry continues in the state it's in. because jason is right. they do expect to be fed and the current leaders seem more bitter than anything else that more people arent willing to step up and just see it as a burden. and im sure it must be hard, bc there's no set pastor for the young adults and it's up to them to figure things out. at least in movement we have pjosh as the main head but they dont really have anyone. sure pjosh and psam are there but they manage their own separate ministries. catalyst is a place where they should be able to relax and just be present and not worry about managing it. and i get that, thats totally fine. i dont think having a pastor come in and take the burden of the whole ministry will solve/fix everything. it really has to come from a place of willingness.i kind of want to start doing some digging and see how Koinonia functions without a "head" pastor for that specific life stage. Or maybe it just falls on Pastor William's plate! And if so, maybe having a head pastor to make the final calls would drastically help Catalyst. I am going home in part to do some research on how Sa-Rang functions as a church like in Holy Wave and seeing what I can see what they do right and wrong and what knowledge I can bring back to Lakeview to help them grow and how to fix them. On the one hand, I don't want to leave because it is safe and comfortable at Lakeview and I know it well. I really enjoy the people in Kidsland and Koinonia and Movement too. And even Catalyst. But I don't know if I want to enter a ministry where I feel like I have to give and give so much and just get so burnt out in the end again. They definitely need a culture shift and a group of individuals that genuinely value loving Christ more than just doing things because it's easy or convenient. Maybe I'll just serve in Kidsland and spend all my time there and with Koinonia instead. I do really enjoy hanging out with the parents and I think they have a lot of wisdom to share. I really enjoy just casually talking with Julie, Ed, PDubs, Jenny, Mike, Sung, even Lois, and the other adults too. And Lois, Jenny, and Julie have been sosososo more than willing to selflessly allow me to stay in their house. And I know they're adults and have a more stable income and there are a lot of other factors at play here. But it's the heart that really counts and matters. I know that my mom is paying for my rent right now. But if any of the Movement people ever needed a place to stay, I would be more than happy to allow them to sleep in my apartment. Really. But I know most of them wouldn't want to travel that far anyway so it doesn't really matter but that heart is there. They can eat my food and enter my home and use my gas and electricity to do whatever. And I also get that I just generally enjoy hosting too so it's different but the heart is there. It doesn't matter that I don't have a stable income or career yet. I genuinely care for my peers and because I do, I'm willing to let them stay in my place. And that heart is lacking in Catalyst. Sometimes I think they'll say, "I would let you do this or do this for you but..." There's always a but. But why? They aren't willing to give. And I know I shouldn't be so quick and harsh to judge but it's true, isn't it? I want to enter a community where I feel like I can rest and don't have to try so hard or worry about anything. And plus, sidenote, it's weird that the life groups leaders arent considered the leaders for Catalyst! They're separate entities! What do the life group leaders handle verses the general leaders then? Is it on Tim, Jeff, and Elsa to think of all the events and organize/plan everything? Why is that not also the responsibility of the life group leaders? Why can't they co-exist? And also, I feel like Elsa is kind of looked down upon and treated like an outsider bc I know Tim and Jeff are close. I'm pretty sure they both went to UChicago, met in Movement, and have been friends for a long while whereas Elsa came as a newcomer as an adult much later. And maybe I'm just being paranoid on behalf of her because shes my friend but at least what I've observed, it does seem like that. I see her as an equal and I think she sees me that way too. And I'm happy to have a friend I can be present and honest with like her. We've talked about some pretty deep things and I'm happy we can. And I think she is intentional and does genuinely care. But, sigh, I don't know. Am I just being selfish in all of this? Because I don't want to serve anymore? Because I don't want to feel the pressure or the need to serve because if I don't, no one else will? I just want to come as a newcomer and take it as it is and not have to worry about making it better and fixing it and I also know I've already been fed myself a lot this past year and I'm currently trying to feed right now. I'm really grateful for the seniors for being willing to feed me but I feel like they've been my friends as well and while I'm sure I havent been nearly as helpless, I think I was able to feed them too. Not as well as I could have but I think I did. We both don't know a lot. There's a lot beyond what our lens can currently expand over. I just. I want to have guidance and be fed again and be given advice and have people to look towards and not like it's all on me to put in all the effort and bring up all of these ideas. And it's honestly just a burden. I want to be willing to put in the effort because I genuinely care for the people in the ministry and honestly, having people that are also grateful for that. And I know that serving is a thankless job and I shouldn't expect any praise or grace in return BUT, it is just my human nature talking i suppose.i just asked David if he's going to leave Lakeview once he graduates and I'm planning on asking Cecilia why she decided to leave Lakeview. And I'm sure other factors would be at play here and I know I still have a whole year to decide and a lot can change within the ministry in the span of a year too. But I am curious. Because I am tired of serving and giving and maybe it's just burnt out me talking but at least with college, I have the opportunity to rest at the end of a school year and restart things at the beginning of the new term. And we no longer have that option in Catalyst. You just have to push through and be intentional yourself and be the one to keep each other accountable. In a way, it's like everyone is serving just to be a Christian. I just, sigh, ahhh, i dont know. I'm just frustrated at the state of the ministry I guess and the prospect of having to start all over again from square one intimidates me and it isn't something I want to do. God, I just honestly really want to ask for guidance from you. I feel so much more at home and comfortable with my InterCP friends and I feel bad because I'm barely even involved in the organization. I just contribute to the discussions every now and then and show up for our check ins on Wednesdays. I'm just really tired I guess and feeling burnt out. And I know that I've allowed Johnathan, Jason, and Amanda to really strongly influence me this past year and I don't want to be so overly dependent on them or anyone else anymore. And I know Amanda and Jason are planning on leaving and checking out other churches in part because of the current state that Catalyst is in. But come on, even PJosh isnt super on board with them! I think theres a lot happening in Movement right now and a lot of change for the better. We're getting to be much more grounded and are unveiling our identity that fits who we are and our culture. And I really like it. But Catalyst is still figuring that out. I was just cleaning the ceramic wheels and while I was, I was thinking more on this topic. I think Catalyst needs to get closer with Koinonia and learn from them and look to them for guidance. Because their identity is still blurry and until they can figure that out, it'll be tough for us to look to them for guidance when they themselves are still trying to figure it out. I think Movement is getting to place where we can be people that Zion looks up to and I think that will bridge the gap between the two ministries and become more encouraging for youth group students to enter Movement once they return home for college instead of just hanging around with the other youth students. Oh also, I've always wanted to ask Cecilia why she decided to leave and just assumed it was in large part because of work and the location of it but she said that it isnt just something she can answer in a couple sentences and is worth meeting in person to discuss. So I guess this was a very long though out decision and I am excited to hear what her response is next week! Also, I asked David too and he said that he would probs stay at Lakeview if he decided to stay in Chicago bc while he would want to go back to his home church where it's familiar bc he feels he can grow more at Lakeview. Which I respect. Good for you, David! I just had a lot of fun chatting with Joyce and David in the senior banquet group chat and I'm glad that I can be more present and intentional with them and just joke around. I definitely want to catch up and hangout with them in a one-on-one setting again. I think we have and we do just by serving together or being driven home or late nights at Norris or whatever. But scheduling the time to hangout is a bit different, I think. Anyway, thank you for listening to my vent and allowing me to word dump, journal. I'll talk to you soon! As always,

Jess

#reflection

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