#my paranoia is still pretty bsd though

[zooblesbutchpuppygirl]

I have calmed down significantly I think. I'm a little bit nervous to post about Zooble but they're my partner and I don't want tk just Not post about them so I'm going to try and go back to my usual posting

[gurokichi]

Yapping about myself under read more ↓

KEEP IN MIND:

When I say relationships, I'm referring to any sort of relationship and not just romantically!

This post discusses my identity and my interests in depth, so it is very long!

Anything with an underline has a link attached to it!

Last updated March 8th, 2025

IN-DEPTH ABOUT ME

I go by Bon on this blog, but I usually use the name Emil! I'm sixteen, turning seventeen in August My neopronouns and xenogenders can be found here More things that I am: major sadomasochist, otherkin, age/pet regressor (my regression blog can be found here) This isn't my main blog! The one I follow from is @dollkichi

I am VERY mentally unstable. Not diagnosed with anything, so I can't really go into specifics, but I struggle with obsessive/possessive behavior, disordered eating, suicidal ideation, maladaptive daydreaming, frequent lack of energy/motivation, forming attachments to others, understanding others feelings, paranoia, delusions, and probably more things that I can't think of right now. And I am getting treatment for absolutely none of this due to being unable to at this moment... and if you think that you can "fix" me, no, you cannot!

THINGS I ENJOY

I like! — Space, nature (especially gardening), legos, gore, music, writing, drawing, candles (I am a candle fiend. I have so many), anything relating to radiation (LOVEEE uranium glass), tea, psychological horror, rpgs, and baking My current main interests! — Danganronpa, IDV, Minecraft, MHA, Persona, Osu, BTD, TPOF, Infinity Nikki Other interests of mine! — Undertale, Omori, FNAF, Stardew Valley, NSO, Roblox, Owari no Seraph, Demon Slayer, Squid Games, Stranger Things, psychology, TBHK, DDLC, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, DoL, Genshin Impact, BSD, TWD, creepypasta, and lots more that I am FORGETTING </3 My favorite... Colors! — Purple and blue Animals! — Sloths, otters, and bunnies Songs! — Hidden in the Sand by Tally Hall, Sarah by Alex G, Science Vs. Romance by Rilo Kiley Music artists! — RILO KILEY!!!, MSI, Cavetown, Alex G, TV Girl, The Crane Wives, Will Wood, Mitski, Mother Mother Flowers! — Bleeding heart and lily of the valley Food! — Rice... and also anything involving noodles. Yakisoba 🤤 Character! — AFO from MHA... my fav character ever

GENDER AND SEXUALITY

Like I said in my intro post, I find labels stifling. They will never truly describe me or my experiences. If I had to use labels to describe myself, though, the closest ones I'd say are probably transmasc, aroacespec, and ambiamorous. Physically I present femininely, but I prefer to use masculine terms and pronouns for myself. I like just about anyone... but I do have a preference for anyone who isn't a cis man.

OTHERKIN TYPES

Faekin, dollkin, conceptkin Fictionkin: Bonkichi/Kokichi Oma, Freminet, Ren Hana, Epel Felmier, Futaba Sakura, and Emily Otherhearted: Foxes & Bunnies ∩^ω^∩

SADOMASOCHISM STUFF

I usually lean towards masochistic behavior over sadistic. I have a hard time bringing myself to hurt anyone even if they want me to! I enjoy being physically and mentally abused and do desire conabuse in relationships. I'm pretty extreme in what I enjoy, and a lot of my fantasies couldn't be enacted without myself or the other person probably dying, but I do still like more tame stuff that can realistically be enacted in real life too! I don't really have anything that puts me off when it comes to this stuff. Specific things I like are: cutting, beating, bruises, blood, manipulation, isolation, scarification, murder, being sick or making someone sick, filming/photos, starvation, cages, restraints, being told to harm myself for someone (bonus points if they want to watch), lobotomies, waterboarding, threats/blackmail, amputation, guns, and being belittled (especially in a patronizing way)

REGARDING RELATIONSHIPS

I don't mind attempts to have a relationship with me, but I have a hard time with people in general. I rarely stay attached to someone unless I am completely obsessed with them, and I don't understand others feelings that well

Very platonically devoted to a close friend of mine, Eris! If you have a problem with that or any problem with Eris in general, then fuck off. You don't like Eris? I don't like you and never will. If you want to pursue me in any way, then you have to accept that Eris is not going anywhere ^o^

Currently single, but I much prefer platonic and queerplatonic relationships over romantic ones. I have the hardest time with romantic love and cannot see myself in a relationship with someone romantically any time soon. I believe that I need to work on myself before I get into one. Of course, people are free to pursue and try to change my mind on that, but don't expect anything to come of it. My type is sadistic/sadomasochistic pretty losers. Freaks. Creeps. I love them when they're strange... drools. And anyone who will play Minecraft with me. Or just if you're nice to me... that works too!! I fear that I'm easy /silly

I try my best to look out for those I love, be with them, and make them happy! I'm a big gift giver... but I don't really like receiving gifts that much unless they're made by that person. I feel bad having people spend money on me, hahah. I love being praised and told nice things, though. Admittedly, I am not the best with words myself ^^;

[animeyanderelover]

Hello! I’m not sure if this is supposed to be where I request cause this is my first time requesting if not if it’s allowed you cam make this a request if you can’t or dont want to please ignore (sebestian,alois,claude,keneki) with a s/o like gin in bsd she in my most idiotic of summarizing since I’m making a connection wears a mask and is usually very quiet and cold she can fight looks like a male when wearing the mask but when taking it of(the mask)she is very gorgeous and timid and basically lost everything she knew on fighting because she feels more confident in the mask(which is just a covid mask😅) and safe in the mask cause her dead s/o wore acted and used to fight in the mask I’m sorry if this is long or to complicated please ignore if you don’t wish to thank you for wasting your time in this ask which probably isn’t even a request but thanks and sorry for grammar and rest~❤️(this isn’t in request is it😂😅)

She’s hot🥵. Glad Bsd is on my watchlist.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, teasing, stalking, kidnapping, threatening, blackmailing

Behind the mask

Sebastian Michaelis

🐈‍⬛He’s quite amused and fascinated with a darling who has such an interesting switch in personality whenever she doesn’t wear her mask. It’s intriguing for him to witness and the first time he met you, he was instantly drawn to your scent, a delicious soul and the potential scent of a mate. Most likely knew very quickly that you were a woman from your more female way of moving though you definitely were good at hiding it.

🐈‍⬛Your cold and quiet personality was most likely the reason why he kidnapped you after some time. Because whilst he likes a challenge at first, he found himself on a surprisingly tough patience test whenever his darling distanced herself from him and just showed him the cold shoulder. It became a problem since normally he’s used to all women fawning over him. You also never seemed to want to take that mask off in public and he longed to see your face. When he saw you for the first time he thought you had germaphobia or something like this, but after a little observation he decided that this couldn’t be the truth. Most likely surprised when witnessing you for the first time fighting, whilst he could tell from your body movements that you were fit, he didn’t expect too directly that you were this good. It just fascinates him more.

🐈‍⬛He stalks you so he is bound to find out at one point, an early one. And this would be a bit shocking after everything he just saw, though it makes him smirk a bit as well. It’s really amusing, that without your mask you’re a dainty and gorgeous little girl who gets easily flustered. It’s really just very endearing for Sebastian to know and he definitely plans to have a lot of fun with this timid side of yours.

🐈‍⬛He lets you keep the mask after finding out what it means to you, though he also expects you to keep the mask off when he’s with you and if you should end up acting up, he will take it away and in the worst case scenario he will get rid of it completely. Sebastian is all about teasing and for that really just loves when you in one moment act all though and cold and the next he is towering over you, mask in his hands and you acting suddenly all shy. He wants to see that pretty face of yours and also wants to help you to start feeling safe and secure without the mask. You have him after all now and he should be from now on enough. But he isn’t that insensitive, most likely because the person you used to love and who wore the mask before is already dead and he also believes that at one point you’ll see him as the person you need and won’t need the mask anymore. Whilst he knows you can fight for yourself, there are also troubles the moment you lose your mask and he still sees himself as the dominant part which he will prove to you all too often, with or without your mask.

Alois Trancy

👅He wouldn’t fall for someone who is quiet and cold so you would have either saved him somehow or he caught you without your mask. In either case, once he has his obsession with you he brushes the cold behavior of yours off as something else since he’s a delusional Yandere to have. He is clingy in either way and it truly doesn’t matter to him if you reluctantly accept it because you have no choice or become more bashful because currently you are without your mask. If he only saw you with your mask, he wouldn’t realize that you’re a woman until Hannah pointed it out to him.

👅He is the type to get attached after the first time seeing you, either because you saved him or because he loved how kind and somewhat nervous and shy you were. By either of these two scenarios you made him believe that you must like him in a way. He kind of gets intimidated by your cold acting, especially when he saw you the first time without. He just followed you anywhere you went and no matter how fast you tried to run away, he always ended up finding out where you were due to his demon servants. So you were one or another way forced to spend time with him and he constantly asked you to take the mask off. Either because he wants to see your gorgeous face again or because he’s curious to how you look like. Refusing to do so might lead him to believing that you’re insecure about your looks which makes him angry with people and especially if he saw you before, he wouldn’t get why you walk around like this.

👅He lets one of his demons spy on you anyways and in the end he would end up kidnapping you because he sees you as too precious for this world. Alois feels like you’re hiding your true nature behind this world and despite knowing that you can fight, it doesn’t mean he isn’t less paranoid. Quite the opposite. Due to his servants he knows that as soon as you’re without your mask, you’re as good as lost and it makes him fear someone will use this to their advantage.

👅Luckily your s/o is already dead or else this might have ended much more bloody for you. But knowing that your darling is already dead makes Alois actually feel incredibly sorry for you which is why he decides to let you keep the mask. The mask is important to you and whilst he definitely also feels jealous that you cling onto something from your deceased love like this since he sees you as soulmates, he’s also easier to manipulate emotionally since this mask is important to you. He might also allow you to wear the mask very often since he believes in either case that you love him and for that will be smothering either way. But he also just really wants to see you without your mask, this more innocent personality of yours with which he is madly in love. Nothing against your cold side, he thinks of you as pretty cool when you’re like this as well. But there is just something too appealing on you being so flustered which he absolutely loves.

Claude Faustus

🕷Claude is a bit more stiff than Sebastian is and whilst he later on will definitively find his fun in teasing and making his darling feel embarrassed and shy as well, his first reaction would be more of an irritation about this all. But just like the crow demon and the very least he had discovered your real gender quickly and I feel like different from Sebastian he would at first just be mainly attracted to your soul before starting an actual obsession with you.

🕷He loses patience more quickly with a darling who ignores him and doesn’t seem to be really interested at all. Whilst he might also like a small challenge, he tends to get annoyed more quickly since he has never really been met with a woman before who didn’t feel attracted to him because of his handsome face and his charms. He doesn’t have this love for playing, at least not to the extent Sebastian has. He just starts stalking you at one point, suspecting that there is more to you and because he wants to see your real face. Whilst he acknowledges your skills in fighting when he sees them for the first time, he as a demon still has to see himself as the more dominant part and power wise he is stronger than you and for that can protect you better.

🕷He is kind of on bad terms with your cold personality and he definitely planned on changing that since he wanted you more dependent on him. So witnessing and seeing for himself that you were a completely different person without the mask made him feel more relieved and also amazed. You’re a interesting human, aren’t you? It’s a good discovery for him and he can now change plans a bit, though the end scenario will still be kidnapping you and you can put up a fight all you want, it’ll be no use against him.

🕷In regards of the mask he is more insensitive than Sebastian is and wants to get rid of the mask from a very early stage on because he wants to install you seeing him as the only person you need to feel safe from a very early age on. He might decide against it if his darling begs him enough although he will still use it as a very effective method to put you back in your place. He doesn’t really understand why you hang on this mask so much despite knowing the story behind it. He doesn’t let you wear the mask too often in the first place since he wants to have this bashful side all to himself and he is quite the tease as well. Because different from Sebastian he wouldn’t go with the method where he makes you fall via sly manipulation fall in love with him, at least not to the same extent Sebastian does by letting you keep the mask and gain a bit of your gratitude like this. He’s more forceful and as long as he reaches his goal, he doesn’t mind it too much. You need to grow comfortable without wearing the mask around him.

Ken Kaneki

🔲Kaneki is affectionate and love starved and for that has a bit of troubles dealing with a darling who is just more cold and quiet. It just makes him more desperate and whilst he won’t blame you for being the way you are, he also can’t help, but crave for more. But it is this completely flustered and shy side of yours that has him falling hard and all of a sudden he realizes that you are somewhat defenseless without your mask. And it makes him go paranoid.

🔲He just stalks his darling at first and she might not even know that he is watching for the longest time. He just chooses to be the silent guardian for now. Personally feel like he would either have to know his darling before, an old friend of his, or witness her without her mask and how incredibly embarrassed and insecure she is without it. It is just really stunning for him, knowing how greatly your whole personality differs with and without the mask. He never pointed the mask really out to you at first despite noticing how you always wear it because he used to be scared of you before seeing the other side of you.

🔲It is exactly why he kidnapped you. At first he thought you would be able to take care of yourself to a limited extent with your fighting abilities and the cool head you always keep in difficult situations, though against a ghoul you still wouldn’t last long. But after realizing just how innocent and helpless you are without the mask, you throw him into an anxiety attack. This kind and shy part of you has him in the end obsessing badly and all he wants to do is keeping you safe from the world.

🔲From everyone here, he would have the most understanding to why you want to keep the mask which he will allow you. He feels the most genuinely sorry for your loss, especially knowing how much confidence you always have in it and feel so much more jumpy without it. It just tells him how much you loved your darling. Won’t really forbid you to wear the mask due to feeling bad for kidnapping you and also because he wants to make you more comfortable with him. But it always ends up with him begging for more affection since you’re always so cold when wearing it. He still can’t bring himself to take it away from you, not when you always start pleading and giving him such a heartbroken look. But if you decide to be without the mask, exposing your more kind side, he’s always directly by your side and using the chance whilst he has it to hopefully get some affection out of you. And he kind of just stares at you during such moments with a lovesick look in his eyes because you’re just too pretty to be true. In the end he might be the one who would manage to get his darling to be affectionate and friendly with him in a way where he won’t threaten and manipulate her like all the others because he just wants to be accepted and loved for what and who he is.

[lovingatsushi]

Oh, Lane, Lane, Lane… What a beautiful person, both in and out.

I still remember the first time we met; although I believe we did have some brief interactions in a big BSD server at one time previously, it was through a mutual friend or two that we were actually introduced, and from the very beginning, my impression of you was completely spectacular and I liked you a whole lot, though I likely never said it enough due to the fact that I was admittedly quite shy around you at that time, along with the fact that there was a small difference of opinion that we had that made me feel…that perhaps you didn’t like me so much — though that quickly turned out to be nothing more than my own paranoia, looking back at it now. lol

I think that is one of the things that I really like and admire about you; as someone who is very used to having the very uncomfortable and unpleasant interactions that all of us pro-shippers and pro-stanners face in a world filled to the brim with closed-minded antis and cruel people with hardened hearts, talking with you has always been, by contrast, very refreshing and soul-healing given your capacity to accept and love even the people who sometimes have a different viewpoint than you on things.

To me, your presence has always been and always be very comforting; I am a very insecure person, and many times I second-guess myself and beat myself up over things I really shouldn’t, and that has often led to me feeling awkward and even doubting my own welcome in the Fic Support Server we’re in together…but every time I have started feeling that way lately, you have been there to reassure me otherwise and make me feel wanted. You really have no idea how much you’ve helped me in the time we’ve been there, and how much you’ve saved me and made me cry happy tears every time you’ve showed interest in my words and even said you valued my thoughts and opinions and hope to hear me talk…

Out of everyone in the server, though I love you all each very much, you really are one of the people I feel bonded to the most and though I know you are insecure about speaking at times, you are also one of the people I love engaging with the most and also hope to hear from in turn. I really wish that I could properly express how much I adore you as my friend and how much I enjoy hearing all of your takes, but I think that even if I went on for another few thousand words, it still wouldn’t be enough and I would still be dissatisfied with what I’ve put down here and just keep droning on and on until you were bored to death with all I’ve given you to read. That’s a problem I always seem to have when it comes to things like this; that I don’t know how to communicate all of what’s in my heart without just going on forever, because try as I might, no matter how much I say or how I say it, I can’t help feeling that there aren’t enough words in any language anywhere to truly bring my feelings to life in front of you and make the people I love feel all of the love they deserve to feel.

Be that as it may, I’m certainly going to try and to hope and pray that somehow, someway, you’ll hear the sound of my heart pouring out all of my respect and admiration through the things I have to say. When you’re out there facing the hardships you face in fandom and in life, please just know that I am always here and supporting you to the best of my ability, my dear friend, for you mean the world to me, and every time someone says something hurtful to you or your tastes, I just want to erase it all and make it all right for you again, because you are amazing and all of your likes, your faves and your ships are, too.

Bless, my good sir, and may you always feel safe, secure, and happy in spite of whatever the world throws at you.

💌💌💌

“ It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light it scattered the night and made the day worth living. ” - Tender Is The Night

Such a pretty quote, right? Well, that’s what I believe about Valentine’s Day, and the simple act of a smile can go a long way! With all this rhyming out of the way..

Happy Valentine’s Day, Lane!

It’s been an absolute blast getting to know you, and here’s to a long friendship, right? You’re one of the kindest and most enthusiastic people I know and (this is 100% giving away who i am ;0;) I’m really so glad you enjoy original characters as much as I do! It’s always a little inspiration boost whenever I talk to you, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

You’ve got such a wonderful heart and it really shines in everything you do. You’re a beautiful person, in your soul and wherever else beauty counts, and I truly wish you happiness wherever life may take you. You deserve all the joys in the world, from the small to the big, and you have my word that you’re never alone <3

All the best chocolates,

- Your Secretest Pal

💌💌💌

What do I say about Lane except that you’re awesome and a really swell dude 10/10 would befriend again. But seriously man I love having you around and I’m so glad always to meet another person who’s willing to ship even the strangest of rarepairs, and also like… fyokarma rights. I haven’t read much of your writing because we don’t often share ships, but of what I have read, I super love it and I think you’re really skilled and talented, and you have such a good grasp over your characters! I can’t wait to see what all you end up putting out, and I hope I’ll be able to read lots of it!

💌💌💌

What a lovely, lovely person you are! We don’t talk much, but whenever we do I can tell how kind and genuine you are and it’s always so nice to chat with you! We don’t share many ships but your writing is inspirational and you are such a dedicated hard-working person! Have a wonderful day!