#my ovaries and hormones said Fuck You

[crowempress]

The most fucked up thing abt pmdd at least for me is you can like. Feel the brain terrors Lift as soon as you start your period. Like I'd be in the trenches thinking I'll never feel happy again and then I start bleeding and it's like the grey clouds dissipate and I was like oh I'm normal now

[reginaofdoctorwho]

coming to the awful conclusion i might have to go to my sister for guy advice :/ gonna try to go to the one least likely to talk to my mom about

[solemntitty]

me when i think I'm cis, like some kind of lunatic: i mean didn't everyone hate puberty to the point of wanting to talk to god a la Karen talking to the manager to be like 'hey motherfucker i didn't ask for this, make it stop'

[catierambles]

Blood Moon Ch.6

Pairing: Syverson x Annalisa Caulfield (OFC)

Note: *hefts the baseball bat*

Sy woke hearing a phone go off and Annalisa groaned, leaning over him to grab it from the nightstand, Sy taking the chance to pull her close and press a kiss to her temple.

“What?” She asked groggily, half laying on his chest. “What the fuh—Eugene it is...six in the goddamn morning. What do you want? Why the hell are you at my house at six in the morning? I spent the night at Sy's, that's why, but even if I hadn't, coming over at six in the fucking morning isn't cool.” She hung up, flopping over onto her back after putting her phone back on the nightstand.

“We should hook him and Tiffany up, let them be stalkers for each other.” Sy said and she gave a soft laugh.

“He's annoying, but he doesn't deserve that.” She said and he snorted. “Can we not be awake now?”

“Amen.” He said and rolled over on top of her, making her squeak in surprise.

“You're heavy!” She exclaimed, pushing at him futilely and he smirked, relaxing more on top of her and pushing her down into the bed further. “Sy!”

“Comfy.” He said, burying his face in her neck. The world spun and he was suddenly on his back, Annalisa sitting up on his hips with her fingers wrapped around his wrists, pressing them to the bed on either side of his head. He looked up at her with wide, surprised eyes and she grinned at him, leaning down to kiss him, her fingers slipping from his wrists as he moved to wrap his hands around her waist, sliding them up her back.

Aside from the amorous morning, they spent most of the day in bed sleeping, Sy holding her against his chest. She never complained about being too warm, and he knew he put out a lot of body heat. Finally dragging themselves out of bed around mid afternoon, she made him a late lunch, telling him she'd get something later for herself as eating right after waking up made her nauseous.

“Question for ya.” He said as he ate.

“Shoot.”

“So, you know I like that you're hairless on your lady bits.”

“Seem to, yeah.” She said with a snort.

“But you don't have hair...anywhere. Aside from your head, that is.”

“I mean, I do, it's just very fine and soft. Peach fuzz, basically.” Annalisa said, “It's a genetic disorder. That hormone just never kicked in for me at puberty, so I don't grow normal adult body hair. Arms, legs, arm pits, lady bits as you called them. I got nothing.”

“And it's genetic?”

“My dad was the same way.” She said with a shrug, “Man was never able to grow a beard. Baby face until the day he died. Probably why I can't have kids, either. Ovaries don't function like they should. I have no idea. But, hey, it also means I don't have a period, so I'll take that win.”

“Didn't keep your dad from havin' you.”

“Functions differently for men and women. Ovulation is a whole hormonal process, guys just have to get off.”

“Good point.” Sy said. “I like not havin' to wrap it, wouldn't have raised a fuss if I had to though, guess it's just...”

“Kids.”

“Yeah. Brothers have a mess of'em. Lottsa nieces and nephews.”

“You were thinking about what it would be like to have a family with me?”

“Bit soon, I know. Kids just popped into my head when you reminded me you couldn't have'em, is all.”

“How did this go from you like that I don't have pubic hair, to you're bummed kids will never be in the future for us?” She asked and he snorted.

“I dunno.” He said and she moved around the small dining room table, Sy pushing out the chair and turning it slightly so she could slide sideways into his lap, her arms resting on his shoulders.

“There's something about you, Sy.” She said, running her fingertips over the stubble covering his scalp, “I don't know what it is.” Her thumb moved over the high of his cheek, “It's only been a few days, but I want...”

“Forever.” He said and she nodded with a small, embarrassed smile. “Me too.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, Annie, I do.” Sy said, “You laid me out, I'm down for the count, and every time I try to get up, I'm flat on my back again.”

“You need help getting back up?”

“I'm good where I am.” He said and she gave a soft laugh. “So, yeah. I want forever with you too.” Leaning into him, she kissed him, holding the side of his neck. His eyes closed as he sank into her kiss but when he pulled away, her eyes were sad. “What, baby?”

“Nothing.” She said, giving him a reassuring smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. She went to slide off his lap, but he pulled her back, holding her in his arms against his chest.

Annalisa watched him sleep, his face relaxed. A terrible decision rampaged through her brain, keeping her awake. She wished she had someone to talk to about it, but she had no one. Eugene would lose his mind if he knew what she was debating, and the others wouldn't understand. They'd tell her it was too soon, she hadn't known him that long, they hadn't been together that long. All very good points, but “forever” felt like the bladed pendulum from the clubs namesake, swinging back and forth above her, slowly getting closer. Forever was an eternity, but over in the blink of an eye.

Moonlight came in through the window behind him, gradually getting brighter as the clouds passed by and an odd growl bubbled up his throat. It was an inhuman sound and it made her pause. A furrow creased his brow, his top lip starting to curl somewhat as the growling grew more intense.

“Sy?” She asked gently, but he stayed asleep. His lips curled away from his teeth and she watched as they lengthened, becoming razor sharp fangs that filled his mouth. The moonlight dimmed again and his teeth blunted, his ragged breathing evening out and his face relaxing once again. It had been over and done in a matter of a few moments and he was none the wiser, having never woken up. “Fuck.”

[astramachina]

update on health because i griped and doomed all the way up to surgery: i am still boggled by the fact that i've had 0 pain up until today, where i'm dealing with a hint of discomfort in the spot multiple docs told me had the most damage. they did warn that while my pain levels would decrease considerably, pain from scarred tissue will simply continue to exist. so if this is the extent of it, dude, i am thrilled.

so far the worst has been removing the steri-strips. take them off a week after surgery, they said. well i tried, and i almost passed out twice. it's been a week and a half and i can only remove one a day. 😂 also the bruising???? i haven't had bruises this bad since i had to get cut out of a car after an accident when i was 20.

some other observations under the cut that are TMI but i feel needs to be talked about when it comes to people on HRT, so beware:

one of the things i was told to brace for was my body going into menopause because absolutely everything was removed, but my body sort of reacted in the opposite direction? rather than hot flashes, i was freaking cold all the time. and i'm someone who is always fucking melting from the heat. the temperature disregulation gets a bit annoying because my face/head will get hot to the point where i feel miserable while my hands feel like they're going to freeze and break off.

i'm sure this is a consequence of having been on T for almost three years, and doctors hardly know how to deal with cis women undergoing radical hysterectomies, so i shouldn't be surprised they know even less about trans bodies.

that said, what my body is actually doing, is reliving the glory days of when i started HRT. my skin? EXTRA oily, heralding the return of acne after i finally evened out and my face had cleared. :/ my libido? un-fucking-bearable. doctors be saying this shit will decrease sex drives and while that might hold true for cis women dropkicked into menopause (and/or other people not on HRT who've undergone the procedure), i think my body getting flushed with testosterone that is no longer met with the hormones produced by ovaries has had the opposite effect.

the oily skin i can somewhat curb because i never stopped doing my daily facial cleanse, but the libido is annoying as fuck. like, listen here bruv, ain't nothing we can do about that for however many months, so you better chill the fuck out. can't even threaten to fistfight it because it's already injured.

basically it feels like my body is going through puberty 3: the reckoning, which is absolutely not what i was expecting. i know this is just my body slipping and sliding all over the place as it tries to regulate its hormones AGAIN but goddamn.

[stunt-lads]

Tmi but do you have any tips to help with periods?

I've had a period for a good, uhh, 15ish years now (and will actually be starting my own next week)

In my experience I do have some tips!

Heat helps a lot. A heating pad or hot water bottle or even a hot shower can help ease the aches and pains in your joints and muscles.

Try to avoid red meat. I tend to be anemic on my period, so I crave red meat, but it can honestly worsen your cramps. (Red meat is things from a cow; steak, hamburger, etc)

Chocolate really does help. It helps in a way I genuinely cannot explain, but if you crave it, indulge in it. (My personal go-to is Hersheys dark chocolate.)

Loose-fitting clothes are your best friends. Skinny jeans and leggings are sick as hell, and I love wearing them, but when you're bloated and uncomfortable, the looser the clothes, the more comfortable you'll be. (I prefer sweatpants in the winter months and basketball shorts in the summer. Elastic waistbands are the best for this)

Those are all the tips I have, but I do have more to add!

Aches and pains in your breasts are super common.

Clots can vary in darkness, thickness, and consistency.

It's normal for there to be a smell, I promise it's okay. (That said, if the smell persists after your period, I do recommend seeing an OBGYN as it could potentially be something else.)

It's all about making yourself comfortable because your hormones are going fucking buck nutty. And as much as people like to shove it under the rug and make it a taboo topic, periods are typically normal for folks like us with uteruses and ovaries. It's severely under talked about, but it's normal. It should be talked about more if anything.

Anyway, this is all I have! If anyone else has things to add, please feel free!

[blubushie]

good morning, this is someone from the discord but i won't say who because i don't wanna get yelled at (sorry!) you said you're intersex, how's that work? if you don't mind talking about it? i'm sorry if this is rude!

I wouldn't have yelled at you even if you'd asked there!

Doctors "determined" that I'm 46,XY-DSD, but there's a fair chance that I've got some other stuff going on because if I am that, I'm atypical. I also have PAIS, partial androgen insensitivity syndrome.

I'm atypical in two regards: one, most blokes with PAIS 46,XY have micropenises. Mine is normal. Two, gonads (or, at least, ovaries) aren't present with 46,XY. When I was born I looked completely normal externally and no one knew that I was intersex. We knew I had some issues because my hormones weren't working properly, I wasn't growing properly, and I was at risk of osteoporosis, but we didn't exactly know what that was about. My actual problems didn't start until puberty, when I was about twelve or thirteen and started getting these bad stomach cramps once a month. Doctors couldn't figure out what the fuck it was and after five months of that I was sent in to test my androgen levels, which is how they found out about my fucked up oestrogen/testosterone issue. And at this point my parents started noticing that I was getting a more feminine silhouette, so something was defo up. I was put on testosterone supplements but that... didn't really help much, because my oestrogen levels were still too high.

Also I couldn't get erections at this point, for some reason. Doctors think it might've been because of how my penis itself is structured. Either way, it doesn't get enough of a blood rush to actually get erect. Most I can manage is just a half-there erection. Sensitive but not noticeable as an erection to anyone but me.

So after three years of this shit (and being put on T) I ended up with a masculine silhouette, but I still grew breasts. Very large breasts. Not fun, and everyone hung shit on me for it.

And doctors still didn't know why the hell my oestrogen levels were so bloody high, so they gave me an ultrasound and it turns out the reason why I was having those cramps is because my abdominal muscles were clenching as a result of me having a hormonal period, and that was caused by the fact I had a very undersized ovary on my left side. We'd always thought I was just born without a left testicle but nah, it was an ovary. I can't recall if it was just ovarian tissue or an actual ovary. Either way, I got a laparoscopy but instead of going directly through my stomach they entered at the base of my penis (there's reason for this, I'll get to that in a tic). So they removed my one single ovary that'd been causing so much trouble, and at the same time they were doing that they also put in an implant so I can get erections, which works out just fine. There's a little button I press that fills two rods in my penis with fluid whenever I want an erection, and the erection does not go away. It lasts until I crack my dick in half like a glowstick, which then releases the fluid back into the reservoir. All in all it works great, I love it, and everyone else either thinks it's weird or adores it since I can keep my erection indefinitely no matter how many times I orgasm.

Also on that note, I don't produce much semen. My prostate doesn't work properly and produces very little and my seminal vesicles are undersized so I can only make enough semen for maybe two rounds and then I'm dry, and it takes me about a week (or sometimes two) to refill my seminal vesicles. On the plus side, this has helped train me to orgasm dry, so there's that. Also my knacker is fucked so I don't produce viable sperm (though luckily I do produced testosterone, just... not much). I'm completely sterile (though I reckon I would probably be sterile anyway because of whatever's going on with my chromosomes).

Anyway, a few months after I went through all of that, I finally got top surgery (and some reconstructive surgery on my penis because there was some shit there that was a little fucked. Mostly tight skin, I'm fine now).

I'm still embarrassed about the top surgery scars, mostly because people see them and then they assume I'm trans (like gynecomastia isn't a thing) and they wonder what's in my daks, and it's even worse when I take my clothes off because then they see that scar at the base of my penis and wonder about that and assume phalloplasty and it's a whole thing. It sucks all around. I get assumptions from trans people, I get assumptions from cis people, I was at Bondi once with my shirt off and had a trans tourist bloke walk up to me and start discussing it because "I was the only other trans guy on the beach" and it was hell to explain that we aren't brothers in that regard. I'm kinda shunned from both groups. I don't fit in with other cis blokes because I'm very visibly not like them (once my shirt come off, at least) and I don't fit in with trans blokes because I'm also not like them (even though they keep trying to claim me whenever they see my scars). This (and a feeling of being exposed in general) is a big reason why my clothes stay on during roots.

Since you're in the Discord you might've seen that thing yesterday where everyone revealed they thought I was transmasc and Wander said I'm the world's most transgender cis man, which... is amusing, in a way. And not wrong. I've been on T, I've had top surgery, I've gotten a penile implant, I've had an oophorectomy, I chose my own name. So it's not wrong. I've kinda been back and forth between everything, and for a long while I struggled with my gender because of my outwards appearance especially as a teenager when I sounded and looked like a girl before I was put on T. Even when I was actively living as a girl for two years until I was 16, I just did it to fit in. I passed as a girl, people only ever saw a girl, and that... bites. A lot. My therapist was insisting I was a transgender girl, and that things would be less stressful if I transitioned and just embraced my feminine side, so... y'know. Peer pressure. I became a girl.

And that's the origin of the whole "bushgender" thing. My concept of gender is still very much fucked between that and the autism. This is also why I hate wearing skirts. Or any clothing that registers as feminine to me. Or just... being feminine. Femininity is a major sore spot for me. Which is hilarious, because I like it on other people. Really like it on chicks. I just hate it on me.

Anyway, that's about as well as I can explain it. I've got all the male bits (and then some female pieces) but none of them (except my penis now) work all that well. We don't really know what's wrong with me, but to cover my arse the docs say it's very atypical 46,XY-DSD. My chromosomes haven't been examined yet but I reckon that 46,XX is actually the more likely. 46,XY means I'm biologically male on a chromosomal level, and my genitals reflect that, but the presence of ovarian tissue suggests I'm defo not 46,XY since that's never present in that condition. The more likely of the two is that I'm 46,XX, which would make me biologically female from a chromosomal perspective. It would also explain my height and my issues with testosterone production while also explaining my normal-appearing genitals, since 46,XX often results in normal male genitalia but primarily results in hormonal issues (which is what I primarily have).

So yeah, we're going with 46,XX.

[fuck-customers]

There are just some customers you never forget.

I will never forget the guy who said my 'attitude was disgusting and that I should be ashamed of myself' cause I said I couldn't sell him the paper cake box since it had the logo of the company on it (such a stupid policy).

I will never forget the woman who gave me a business card for some sort of makeup technician(?). The reason she did this is because I have HORRIBLE acne. I'm not exaggerating, red irritated bumpy dry+oily skin, blemishes all over my forehead, cheeks, chin and jawbone, sometimes I get cysts along my jawbone or near my nose. I get flare-ups when my period is approaching. It didn't help that the hair net I had to wear would reveal all that. Because you know makeup will totally solve the problem. It might hide the redness but all the bumps, scars and cysts? How is makeup going to hide that?

I will never forget the other woman who said I should blend spinach in a drink to help my acne. She said it helped her so much with all 'this', motioning to her stomach area, and said it would help me too. Maybe she meant ovaries since hormones can also cause acne but idk. She was kinda vague about it and I didn't want to talk about it. Seemed like it was a personal struggle to her.

I will never forget the mid-age Spanish dude who said I should get the large aloe leaf I didn't know the store sold in the produce section and rub that on my face which will help with my acne. He came back a couple days later, another aloe leaf in his cart and asked if I tried his method. No fuck off I don't have a sunburn my skin is irritated with all the hormones, genetics and probably all the stress I get from customers like you. Even if it helped with the redness, it won't help with literally all the other problems.

I will also never forget the guy who said I need to eat more carrots to help with my acne.

Also the woman who gave me an attitude cause she wanted to buy a cake topper, but she wanted it for free cause it comes free with a cake. She was not buying a cake. I told her how much it cost and she started giving me 'tude saying that's a new policy she's never had to pay before blah blah blah. Ma'am. I've never seen your face here before and I've been working here for a year. Buy the 8$ topper or not I do not care. I do not get commins for this.

ALSO this one woman who made zero attempt to communicate with me. She only spoke Spanish and my white pale-ass self does NOT. I could say very very basic things regarding orders but anythin other then what's on the form (not in Spanish, only English) I don't know how to say. There was no one else in the department with me who spoke Spanish and they guy who I usually call to translate was not at work at that time. I could ask what flavour, what day do you want the cake for, basic stuff. This woman did not want a basic cake. She wanted a fondant cake with a popular luxury fashion brand on it. I know this because she pulled out her phone showing me the cake. The part that makes me mad is that I pull out my phone to use Boogle translate so I can tell her, 'no, we can't do this, fondant cakes needs two weeks in advance and we can't do logos'. She wanted a two tier fondant cake for the next day. She was not getting it, not using her own phone for translation, I'm clearly struggling over here tryin to pronounce everythin tryin to not sound like a gringo, typing in my phone responses and she's not budging. She eventually throws her hands up and leaves clearly frustrated. I tried to help lady🤷 She wasted so much of my time too.

[johannestevans]

i was reading your post abt asab at the doctor and my brain tried to go into solution mode as it is wont to do, but i realized like. there is no solution. at least not one that isn't a complete overhaul of the medical system, including research fields.

i've been on t for a year as of tomorrow, and a few months in i noticed my adhd medication stopped working. it got so bad that when i would take it, i would have to fight to keep myself awake. i couldn't figure out what was going on and my doctor just said 'just keep taking it and maybe it'll level out.' several months later, i still felt like absolute shit when i took it to the point where i felt better when i didn't take it. i asked to up the dose but she said it would be 'too much of a shock to my system.' i eventually just stopped taking it because even though i barely function without it, i didn't function at all with it on that dose. i talked to a friend last week who is also on t and he said 'oh yeah your dose is too low. your metabolism can change on t, so it's likely you need to up your dose.' so like not only was this a situation where if i was a cis man my concerns likely would have been addressed immediately, but it was a failure of my doctor to actually understand how trans bodies on hrt work and what they need. so how exactly would having "afab" on my chart have helped??? bc there is no difference in initial dosage between male and female patients, the starting dose is usually 30mg across the board (my doc had me on 30mg initially then lowered my dose to 20mg after i lost access to it for a month??????), the thing that affected me wasn't my fucking vagina or ovaries, it was a change in my endocrine system!!!

and i feel like this heavy reliance on asab makes doctors lazy. they don't do regular blood tests, they don't test your metabolism, your hormone levels, they just assume based on the f or m what your levels should be, or they see that you're fat so they assume you have high bp, cholesterol, blood sugar, etc. (cannot tell you how many times i've had nurses take my bp numerous times bc they refused to believe it was average, and i still keep getting hounded abt my blood sugar and cholesterol despite the fact that every single test has come up normal.) like i don't think any doctor has ever even bothered giving me blood tests until i started t, they just assumed from the f on my chart and my body size. i remember getting put on metformin when i was young with no blood tests simply because i was fat, and i still have kidney issues because of it.

anyway sorry for ranting in your inbox, that was kind of all over the place, but your post just really struck a chord and reminded me how much i hate the medical system.

YEAH EXACTLY. I'm so sorry, it's just like... ARGH.

Like especially the weight problems and like... Doctors desperately want to go based off of people's ASAB and what their weight is and not what's normal for them! Same for racial assumptions, especially assumptions doctors will make about Black people and anyone who's dark-skinned and/or has natural hair.

Plus disability! Addiction! Mental health issues! They'll just make assumptions based off any other aspect of their identity - any excuse to dodge talking to the patient and treating them like they're a human being, or acting like as a doctor they're a human being rather than a god and commander.

Like, all these specific metrics rather than what the actual patient's experiences are, and what they're saying. A lot of medical professionals just think the world will end if they actually talk to and listen to one of their patients, and it's infuriating!

[malaierba]

Well in other news I think I'm dying (said the least dramatic latin moot u have)

(potentially triggering discussion of bodies, weight, periods)

I just got my period for the third time this month. Like I JUST got it and it's a lot, you wouldn't guess I had it just last week.

And it's absurdly triggering to me. I usually lose my period when I restrict, and I only get it more than once a month when I'm above a certain level of body fat. And right now I'm on the higher end of that body fat percentage, and yes I'll admit it I've been (trying to) restrict but not even that much. I'm being sane and safe about it, I really just want to get back to the bf% I had before I started my last job which fucked me over in all ways imaginable as I'm pretty sure everyone saw lol.

But fucking hell I was feeling normal this morning, you wouldn't believe how the reflection on the mirror changed before and after I saw. And I feel so bad. Like I FEEL bad. Everything feels off.

Man idk this is so annoying, so bad, no wonder everything hurt so much at the doctor yesterday. Literally what's going on. This stupid fucking womb has always been such a huge headache I swear to god, from debilitating cramps all through highschool that literally could only be treated with pain injections + bleeding so much I was left anemic for two weeks after my period every single time, to losing it for 8 months at a time pretty much periodically since 2018 (again, my fault, undereating does that) to the point I know have osteopenia, to cysts in my ovaries, to... Whatever is happening right

And when I go to gynos they never know what to make of it. They wanna put me on birth control and I really don't want to, nothing sounds less like a solution to me. The list of secondary effects are absurd I don't want it.

I don't know. What a completely fucking awful way to start this day, this is so triggering. This feels like I need to correct something as fast as I humanly can, and I know from experience that I'd much rather swing in the opposite direction, even if tanking your hormones does come with side effects such as "being tired all the time" and "being a huge bitch with 0 patience".

I mean it's kind of bad isn't it? 3 periods in a month? My anemic ass that's DEFINITELY not eating enough iron? Did I mess up somehow? What did I do wrong now that's making my body punish me for it

[damiemontclair]

Ok let me start this post by saying this is not me asking for help or advice. I will not listen to any advive unless it comes from a medical professional I trust. This is a mind-clearing, thoughts-sorting post. So if you click the read more, you agree to the above. If you can't, don't click the fucking read more.

For context: this is in relation to The Surgery(/ies). If you haven't followed along with *that* bit this is probably just going to be gibberish to you.

Please be aware that I chose not to tag this so it doesn't show up in any tags since its personal.

Since january my periods have been a little... Weird. As in almost non-existent aside from cramps. Now I know a lot of people wouldn't look that gift horse in the mouth, but in light of what happened, and the fact this was my 4th surgery (still wrapping my head around that, it really fucks with me) and that I have been on the pill since 2016, I think theres something more serious going on here.

I started the pill after my first surgery, and one of the resons was that my periods had always been a bit wack ever since I first started to get them as a teen. No regularity *at all*. Heavily influenced by stress and such factors. I once had 3 months without one due to stress and mild depression. Thats why I went to a gyn in the first place, as a barely 17yo, and how I ended up in surgery for the first time. Lucky find.

Since I started the pill, I've been living a very predictable life.

I've noticed since 2019, when my ovary twisted (twice (ow)) that my periods have been. Shorter. It seemed good at first. So what if I don't get 4-5 full days. 3-4 is fine too. I didn't really make any connection between the circumstances of the surgery and the diminished period (I was *very* busy doing 2 semesters at once that semester)

But since january we've dropped to something more along the line of 2 days with very little bleeding. And by little I mean litte. Even the smallest tampons don't fill up when I leave them in longer than recommended. Theres barely any tissue.

And I know for a fact that my ovaries have been. Damaged. By the whole thing. The doc said nothing can be seen on the ultrasound and that they look healthy back in january, but theres no way that everything is fine, between the 2 full twists in 2019 and the partial twist in january... (btw did you know those can't be seen on ultrasound? Yeah, its a fun time all around. They only found out after cutting me open. And in january they were gonna send me home without surgery. Fucking mess. Anyway.) I've been concerned about everything ever since.

I'm going to try and make an appointment with my gyn next week. She's been great ever since that first time I went, and she's requested I come for twice yearly checkups again, like I did back in 2016/17/18. I'm want her to check hormone levels and stuff, because clearly something is up.

You know, they're all going on and on about babies, and not removing the ovaries of a childless 'girl' in her 20s.... But I can't help but wonder if it'd even be possible for me to get pregnant without medical at this point. Between the scar tissue and whatever has been going on with my body since january.... I'm not interested in having kids that way anyway but you know. *would* it even be possible?

Anyway, I've finished my tea and the painkillers seem to have kicked in so its time for me to start my day.... Sorry for the wall of text, if you made it all the way down here. I've just been having a lot of thoughts lately, and my brain can't seem to let them go.

[intersex-support]

i'm not sure if i'm intersex and maybe this is tmi but i've always susptected i am intersex. i'm afab but i have lots of body hair, mostly on my legs, stomach, arms and even back? but i have a nice amount on my face too, which could just be bc i'm Black and that's more common in my family but ALSO

my periods are really weird. they got fucked over from covid but they were weird before that. of course, i get a lot of the normal cramp pain but then sometimes i get sharp pain. really sharp. like someone's stabbing me in my vagina. i'll sit up and there it is. and that'll happen when i'm not even on my period! sometimes it just hurts. and i can't do anything about it, i just have to wait it out. i figured it was normal when i was younger. like oh yeah, sometimes your vagina just randomly feels like someone's poking a knife up there lol, that's definitely normal. but then i realized your vagina's not supposed to hurt unless you're on your period? and i was mad confused! bc? really? who knew? i'ont know who's handing out this vagina information but i missed my packet somehow.

anyway, my periods can get pretty out of rhythm sometimes and since covid? i haven't had a vaguely regular period since! sometimes i barely bleed AT ALL, which never happened before, i used to bleed like, quite a bit before covid and now it's all out of whack. sometimes it hurts for two weeks before my period and then i still feel like i'm on my period a week afterwards! even if i'm not bleeding. i can't track them at all anymore, lol, they're very irregular and i think i've skipped two recently? (no im not pregnant, not possible)

also i can't have sex of any kind, it just hurts and doesn't feel good at all. sooo. yeah.

SO. this is like a mess of information and DEFINTEILY tmi but? i thought maybe y'all either knew what the fuck this is or could just tell me "nah you're not intersex your vagina's just fucked some other way" either would be helpful ngl.

First of all, don't write off the body hair just because you're Black. Actually, don't listen to a single doctor who tells you that you're just racially more likely to have that amount of body hair, if they do they are just being neglectful lol. Even if it is common in your family, this could just/also mean that a diagnosable/understandable hormonal difference is a part of your genetics.

Some things you could look into OTHER than N/CAH or PCOS (you could have those alongside what I'm about to list) are endometriosis, vaginismus and vulvodynia, tilted uterus, nerve damage, and even infection (although if you've been experiencing this for a long time... I doubt you've had an infection for multiple years without knowing).

I'll also say, everything you said in the second and thirds paragraphs is exactly how my mom would describe what has been going on for her, AND it got worse after she had covid. She has no diagnosis but endometriosis and PCOS are things we have been looking into. A sharp pain may be indicative of a cyst, which could be in the ovaries obviously but I wouldn't rule out it being in/around the hip joint because you mentioned it appears when you sit up.

I'm not sure how covid affects already present issues (doesn't seem like anyone does... although there is some info that may or may not be very conclusive), but if your symptoms got worse after that then I would say it's likely something has been going on.

I think the stabbing pain is concerning, I would really suggest finding a good physician and at least getting some blood tests done for a comprehensive hormone panel AND getting the results sent to you. I'm not saying you can diagnose and treat yourself by looking at them, but we know physicians don't get the full picture, can be racist, or just not do their job. Getting those results can give you a starting point for comparison if you plan on doing your own research too, and can help you understand.

If you do end up going to a physician or get referred to a specialist, they may want to do a transvaginal ultrasound because of the stabbing pain or other kinds of inspection (like an x-ray for example). I just want to say that in any case, if you are uncomfortable then stick by your boundaries. If you feel pain or just feel unsafe then it should not be dismissed, especially since you said anything sexual is painful. I might be overstepping a bit here, but it does sound like you have a lot going on and you definitely do not need someone who is supposed to help you make it worse.

I hope this is helpful, sorry for the super long response but stabbing pain down there is definitely something I know at least a bit about. Can't say you are intersex or you're not intersex, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's not nothing, and I really do hope you're able to get some support!

[wake2bake]

I just have to say to all my ovary housing homies that do not settle for crappy doctors.

For the first time in the last 15 years of seeing My general practitioner for my annual pap I went to an actual OBGYN.

Now I had given myself anxiety all day about standing my ground on my birth control options and needing a hormone free option as well as standing my ground on my decision to not have children. I made sure to psych myself up that no matter what they said I was going to be heard on what I wanted.

I walked into the office and I was met with words of affirmation saying that you are seen, you are heard. You are safe here. Went and met my doctor and for the first time ever I didn't get the face or the tone of. "Are you sure?" She simply said I support you in anything that you need for your body. I almost broke down in tears because I had stressed myself out so much of making sure I don't back down from what I want because I have tend to do that and she made me feel like a human and not a fucking breeding machine.

Also, it was the least painful procedure I've ever had because anytime I've ever had my annual it was extremely painful and traumatizing don't even get me started on when I got my IUD inserted that was very traumatic.

So don't settle for general practitioners that don't have enough specialty knowledge hell don't settle for the specialist putting you down either, if I found this gem in my area there is hope that there are others out there as well. I know my privilege of living in Cali helps that but please hear me out that us with ovaries do not have to live in pain and be seen as the norm.

[dadjokeslady]

genuinely i mean this in good faith: if you understand that biological sex is immutable and real, and that saying so is not transphobia, I think you will find that many terf/radfem blogs aren't "pure transphobia". but if you decide it's not for you or you don't agree, I have to give you credit for being open to other views-- not many people are willing to take the time to do that.

Well, buckle up, this is gonna be a wild ride.

Sex has multiple facets, you can see it as chromosomal, physiological, hormonal or secondary characteristics...

Chromosomal informs physiological informs hormonal informs secondary characteristics.

Chromosomal is immutable, every trans person in the whole fucking world knows it, if you see some pretending trans people would say otherwise, it's a straw man.

Hormonal is absolutely mutable, and so is secondary characteristics, someone presenting it as immutable is in serious need of re reading a couple things, that said, nobody is seriously saying you can't change your hormones, develop breasts, deepen the voice and most of the secondary sexual characteristics.

Physiologically, it is possible to change up to a certain point, namely, you can remove gonads, which medically makes someone intersex to some degree.

Now, let's be honest, I don't have the faintest idea of what are my chromosomes, it is probably XY, given the physiological expression I have, but it might as well be a weird condition...

If you see a trans person whose transition is fairly well going, you won't be able to tell their physiological state, you can, to some degree, assume that a trans woman do not have ovaries, but you can't know much more than that.

Now lemme finish it, saying sex is immutable is not necessarily transphobic, but it's a pretty good sign of other positions one might hold that are necessarily transphobic. The discussion is nuanced as fuck, and screaming that "sex is immutable" seems a lot like an attack on a straw man that prelude another hell of transphobic shit...

[starry-skies-116]

Rant-ish, from a Transneutral/Agender/Librafem Intersex "woman" with Hyperandrogenic PCOS because Ori Devuda-

Just heard from someone that people with PCOS can't be considered intersex/hermaphrodite, and... I digress- we're gonna have to agree to disagree, buddy- respectfully, I mean.

"YOu nEEd tO hAvE amBIguOUS gEniTaLia tO bE iNTeRseX" well tell you what buddy I'm not telling you what's in my pants but I still do fit said requirement. And even then, what gives to you trying to tell me I'm "still a woman"? Who gave you the right to tell me MY identity?

PCOS does fall under the intersex umbrella, in fact, because it involves chronic high testosterone levels and other male characteristics that aren't present in regular perisex females/AFAB individuals. People with PCOS, including myself, deal everyday with symptoms such as not ovulating, high levels of androgens, cysts on the ovaries, near-episodic anemia from FUCKING RARE but RIDICULOUSLY HEAVY periods, EXTREMELY irregular and rare periods, terrible acne breakouts, oily skin, excess hair growth, random weight gain and loss no matter how hard I try to maintain a somewhat healthy lifestyle, and the list goes on.

Imagine my face dropping and my eyes tearing up when my doctor says, with a disappointed face, that I'm at a higher risk for diseases like cancer and diabetes. As if this shit is MY fault entirely.

Here's the cold, hard truth: the medical industry doesn't give a shit about women, or AFAB individuals, and doesn't even LISTEN to intersex people with female genitalia, they just give arbitrary treatments like birth control. Oh, just eat 0 FUCKING carbs a day and workout even if you feel like shit and physically are stuck in such deep dysfunction you can't do anything! Get some laser treatment for your facial hair while you're at it. Oh, you're in severe physical and emotional pain and are chronically tired? Doesn't seem serious, everyone is, get a grip and cheer up! After all, your disorder is a fucking joke. A sick joke for everyone to laugh at while you suffer and nobody gives a shit or cares.

Yeah- let that sink in. Doctors only care about us losing weight and shaving our beards.

I can't even go a day without the dull but terrible ache of pelvic cramps that sometimes becomes sharp and causes me to nearly double over, holy shit.

I can't even eat a fucking Reese's cup without someone in my family yelling at me that I'll get fat and I need to swear off of everything even remotely the TINIEST bit unhealthy. I can't even indulge myself on the foods I love.

And the fact that Roe vs Wade has been overturned, and for many women and AFAB intersex or otherwise individuals with PCOS or other infertility/vaginal syndromes/disorders, this will mean they could potentially get arrested for something OUTSIDE of their control. Think about that.

And the less commonly-heard-about shit I and many others with PCOS have to deal with is random bouts of feeling angry, hungry, thirsty and high-libido all at the same time, not to mention the chronic PAIN and FATIGUE and sheer amount of HEAT that stems from the pelvis all throughout the fucking body. I'm PARALYZED with pain sometimes in that area that I literally cannot move due to joint inflammation, my skin can be literally BURNING and I could be CRYING because I'm in so much pain and so hot and BURNING ALL THE FUCK OVER EVERY PORE OF MY BEING, and my Mum scolds me for 'not being characteristic of a woman' because of a disorder I can't control. Sometimes I eat less than I need and STILL FUCKING GAIN THE SAME AMOUNT OF WEIGHT.

I know polycystic ovaries themselves don't cause pain, but still- the disorder itself is terrible shit to deal with. It even spreads to places like my neck, back, legs and joints? And I have to hobble and crawl around like some old fossil sometimes in the midst of executive dysfunction and disabling pain and fatigue?

What the ever-loving shit??

This intersex umbrella covers an incredibly vast and wide range of “individuals born with a hormonal, chromosomal, gonadal or genital variation which is considered outside of the male and female norms,” and PCOS CERTAINLY meets that definition.

Stop pretending intersex people with PCOS don't exist. Women and AFAB/intersex people with traditionally AFAB genitalia with PCOS may or may not consider themselves intersex/hermaphrodite, but I am. And nobody gets to say otherwise, lest they want this post shoved down their throat. /hj but STILL MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK GUYS CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT-

[insectfem]

I love female medicine. i love knowing my female body and the intricacies of menstruation and other female body functions. so shit like this just makes me so upset.

I've been going to the gynecologist longer than any girl my age (that i know), and it was a lot of effort and pain. i was embarrassed at my knowledge of the female body, i made people uncomfortable when i was upfront about what was happening to me, but i also learned so much that i never would've known had i not gone through what i did

there's a lot of misinformation and ignorance about the female body and gynecology. and a lot of it is perpetuated by other women. in high school, i did a personal experiment where id ask random girls if they knew what a Cervix was... a whole lot either said idk or "doesn't that have something to do with the neck?" a very large number of women think that 'vulva' and 'vagina' are interchangeable. women don't understand the hormonal and structural necessity of the uterus and ovaries. women are being failed when it comes to being taught information about their own bodies, be it from school, or their parents, or themselves.

all that to say... it is the job of medical institutions to uphold the integrity of gynecology. and to fight against the misinformation

it is the job of medical institutions to say "no, the cervix is not just a hole. the cervix is a vital part of female reproductive health and will be treated as such."

if you can not even name the parts of the female body without cowering in fear of being called a transphobe, then you have absolutely no place in the medical field.

i honestly have no patience anymore. women will get sick and ignore their health because of this. women will die because of this bullshit. i don't give a singular fuck about transpeople and how offended they get at the statement "women have cervixes"

stop being fucking cowards

We need to rename trans women as castrated males with butchered holes/stinky manholes and penis will be called weapon of mass destruction and r*pe tool