#my only frustration is that probably a good 5-10 of those hours are me sitting at a site of grace to look something up

[kpgimpactor]

Finally hit 60 hrs in Elden Ring and I think I’m….2/3 of the way through the main story? On average I’m guessing I’m like halfway through most NPC quest lines. There is still So Much to do.

[suomeen]

Chapter 3: The Longest Journey

We departed on December 20. Took the bus at 2 pm and went through 3 of Ukraine’s major cities to pick up other passengers and head for Poland. The trip started out well but soon things began to go south. The bus itself was alright. However, the site boasted outlets for your devices and free wi-fi. Which is true technically. Except the outlets were the type basically nobody uses in Europe and the wi-fi… there was a whole of 250 MB, all for the taking for your 16-hour ride. The seats were fine but the human body is not really made to sit in one place for so long. My knees were soon hurting and I barely had any sleep.

The trip itself was a bit of a mess too. Flixbus clearly doesn’t want to pay for extra buses for emergency situations so when another one of their buses broke, our driver had to pick up its passengers. Then another company’s bus broke and we took some of its passengers too. Sitting in a bus for hours is bad enough, but at least we weren’t the ones standing in the aisle, wet from the rain. We felt sorry for those people but it was very frustrating for everyone. This incident set us back a few hours. Then there was the border crossing.

Poland was startlingly unwelcoming. I didn’t expect much. I knew we were way past the “Poland is our best buddy” early war honeymoon illusions but this encounter still took me by surprise. We arrived at about 5 am but had to wait for a few hours in a line of other buses before finally proceeding to the border control. At first, they had the few men on the bus go there, making sure they had the right to leave the country. Then it was the rest of us. There were about 5 Poles at the checkpoint and they were not happy to see us. I honestly don’t know what our people did in these 2 years that they hated us so much. First a blond middle-aged woman came up to the bus and began to shout at us in Polish to get out in groups. I understood most of it, but I shouldn’t be expected to. Then we went to show our documents to a few dudes in booths who asked us where we were going and why. After that, a tall handsome young man began to rummage in some people’s bags. He took his time dismantling one woman’s bag, which mostly contained children’s clothes. Her little son, about 3, wanted to help and I don’t like children much, but he was adorable and made all of us passengers smile. Not the Poles though, they didn’t budge. None of them spoke Ukrainian or Russian, or maybe didn’t want to. I wonder who pissed them off so much. We were tired and stressed out as it was and this felt like we were some sort of criminals, not women and children fleeing from a war.

I managed to book a trip directly to the Warsaw airport so, despite the delay, we still had 2 hours to get on the plane. I was just glad we took a plane because 16 hours on a bus wrecked me and I can’t imagine 40, which is what most other people had to endure. We got the world’s most expensive coffees and muffins and took off. The flight was delayed but only by about 10 minutes so it was fine. The Finair plane was kinda small but the flight was very smooth. The weather was rainy but up there, above the clouds, the sun shone brightly and I felt my heart healed a little.

Finland greeted us with blinding whiteness and I felt a strange comfort when we finally arrived. But there was still a good chunk of road ahead.

Normally, most people in our situation would just go to Helsinki and apply for asylum at the closest police department. But this way you get assigned to any place in the country they see fit. Our plan was different. Since we had a friend there and we wanted to be close to her, we were to go to the large city nearest to her and apply there. She even asked at the reception centre and was told they would be expecting us and we would probably get an apartment that was prepared for moving in.

So first, we had to take a city train to get to Tikkurila. Then we had to take the intercity train to a city where we would later be living. But instead of going there, we were to stay at our friend’s so we then had to take another train that got us closer to her where she could pick us up.

I had no internet connection of my own and got to rely on whatever hubs were available. There were none at the station and I was getting a bit panicky that I would miss the train. I had to bother a few Finns for directions, the first of many. They were very friendly and tried to help the best they could. As I got into the train, I had trouble opening my ticket on the ancient tablet I had but the conductor was nice and patient with me and let me take my time as he went on to check the tickets of other passengers.

The intercity train was great. Fast and smooth, it was the best part of the trip. The cars were clean and comfortable. Everything was designed to make the trip enjoyable for everyone. The Finns looked relaxed and many took off their shoes for the ride and stretched their legs languishly.

We also found ourselves in the children car. The idea of such a car would probably sound a little annoying to me, but I was happy to be there. There were many parents with small children and a part of the space was free of seats with some stuff for them to play in. Small kids were running around back and forth in the aisle. Some fell a few times but nobody seemed to worry, kids or parents. They just got up and continued on their way. I sat next to a Finnish mother with a tiny baby. I don’t care about babies that much but I couldn’t stop looking at her. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so gentle and tender and loving as she was with her child. The whole car had such a soothing atmosphere of peace and joy. It later turned out that we took the wrong car and when the rightful owners of these seats came, we had to move to another. But I’m glad we made that mistake so I could experience this.

This train was also slightly late. Not by much, but enough that we were risking to miss the transfer. I’m glad I decided to seek help from the lovely young woman staff, so we just barely made it to our final train, which was a small local train, far less glamorous. After bothering some more Finns, we finally got help from a nice older man and made sure we were going the right way. After another 40 minutes, we finally stepped off the train and into the dark, immediately greeted by our friend and her husband.

It wasn’t the longest trip of my life but it sure felt like it and was certainly the most intense and nerve-wrecking. Honestly, I don’t even know how I survived the journey, let alone got it all right, though a lot of it was thanks to the lovely Finnish people.

We did not immediately go to their place. First, we went to the nearby building to have our photos taken for the police. Your document photos never look good but having them taken after a 28-hour journey makes them extra ugly. Though I suppose fitting for a refugee application. Finally, after a short drive, we arrived at the house we would spend the next week at.

[shoechoe]

ok this is real long and rambly im v sorry !! i jus wanted to talk abt music as well heh,, i loved reading ur music commentary under the tag game !! (hehe. i tag u rlly often cuz. i hav this secret inner mechanism where if a mutual tags me in anything *once* ill tag that mutual in literally everything if i remember/if prompted. tis how i roll) tho fr ur segment abt 20 min prog rock songs was so damn accurate. it rlly reminded me of pink floyd's "dogs", king crimson's "lizard" (not the album itself but moreso the sort of. i guess mashup shit they do. another prime example of this is moonchild (including the dream and the illusion), or the devil's triangle. which is honestly more nervewracking rather than boring i guess. JDEVGAVEAHDHGEAVHGAEVDGEVDG. hell ost i guess. w lizard ive listened to it so many times and while it does hav a multitude of lyrics DAMN those 23 minutes are painstakingly longgg ! i guess im a lil biased cuz u know ive played it too often. tho it does hav some v beautiful parts... ! i think a prime example of what u hav mentioned abt prog rock was w king crimson's one red nightmare. it has a cool part and then its jus. Instrumentals after and it gets kind of boring. at least the drums r p damn good!! or u know to some of comus's songs (which isnt prog rock but its prog folk. same damn thing where the songs are INSANELY long and can sometimes b rlly boring in certain portions), some prime examples being their song the herald (only 12min long. but mannn sometimes w prog rock or prog folk they make 10+ min songs feel like HOURS. but its also v mesmerizing!! or drip drip which. holy hell is an AMAZING song but theres this one part thats insanely fucking boringgg YAWN. its a nice break before the very chilling lyrics nearing the end but. come on now!) but yeah. i jus wanted to ramble bc i rlly need to get to listening to kc's entire discography as well. idk what u've listened to jus yet but some song recs if ur inchrested or havent listened to them already... could also apply 2 some of ur followers if they read this long ass ramble. this ask is a 20+ min prog rock song at this point: formentera lady, islands, the letters, ladies of the road, pictures of a city, moonchild, cirkus runthrough / lady of the dancing water (alt take) (why this one? it jus sounds better imo. lady of the dancing water is very very beautiful), thela hun ginjeet (this one is very fun and catchy), the sheltering sky, frame by frame, matte kudasai (VERY soothing), ummm.. dr diamond (live. i wish there was a more high quality ver somewhere), cadence and cascade, book of saturday, probably some more i forgot abt !!!!!! top 5 songs on their spotify also slap (obvs everyone and their mom already knows those songs id imagine! tho for new listeners those r bangers. esp starless.). if u wanna get REAL scared u should listen to da devil's triangle. (exaggerating but its quite diff from what *ive* heard. like hollyyy hell they set the mood down so so so so so well)

I appreciate the extra depth in the commentary- it is thoughtful. (I also appreciate the tag games.)

I agree that progressive rock is a very alluring and simultaneously often frustrating genre as someone who tends to be a fan of it. I consider it the musical equivalent of a sit-down meal; it requires a lot of patience and is best for when you have the time to just appreciate and drift off to it.

Progressive rock is usually lengthy, often slow, very experimental, and tends to utilize a lot of improvisation; as a result, you end up with a lot of songs with pieces that work extremely well, but you do often have to sit through a lot of parts that you just don't care for. Having music be a test of patience is understandably just not for everybody.

I find that my favorite progressive rock songs transform into feeling more like journeys rather than typical musical experiences. I consider Echoes by Pink Floyd to be my favorite prog rock song (and one of my favorite songs in general) for this reason. I end up enjoying the long middle portion entirely made of odd, unnerving, very non-"musical" sounds, because the entire song feels like you are trekking through something strange and unknown.

The slow transition with the buildup of the main tune's return at the very end of the middle portion feels almost like a phoenix rising from the ashes, or the reward at the end of a long journey- I hope that doesn't sound cheesy, lol. I enjoy sometimes playing Echoes at nighttime while I'm lying in bed, and I believe that is the absolute best time to play it. It ends up being a very moving experience for me and it really highlights the great potentials of progressive rock.

Thank you for the recommendations- I'm planning to listen to everything, anyway, but I'm sure any of my followers looking for music recs will appreciate it. King Crimson gets a lot of praise from music enthusiasts, but it doesn't seem as well-known among the mainstream as other progressive rock like Pink Floyd, for example.

[milatherese]

Anger

I was blessed with the opportunity to play the 5th largest organ in the world last night. I was so excited but ended up going home sad, frustrated, and angry.

Okay, maybe not all of those, but definitely some intense negative feelings. (I'm still learning how to articulate my feelings) The best word is "anger." I'm also learning how to process anger, so I'm going to do my best here now.

(I'm gonna vent. Leave if you wish.)

I spent 5 days driving 35 miles each way just to practice the organ for a few hours so I would have a decent piece or two to play on the organ for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I was told I would likely have one hour (of the three) on it, but instead, I barely got 10 minutes on it. Each piece I played was nitpicked by the person who invited me. I got interrupted and booted off the seat multiple times.

Now, you've never heard me play the pipe organ before and you're probably wondering "Maybe she got booted off because she sucked?" I definitely am not the most skilled organist, but I am skilled enough to be an on-call organist for two religious orders and multiple churches (on top of already being a music director). So I doubt I was booted off because I sucked.

Each time I started a song, he would go "Oh wait let me show you, let me show you something. Let me play it to show you. I'll sit on the bench." And then he would proceed to play for the next 10 minutes. At one point, he even asked me to video-record him from afar. (I obliged, but only because I was trying to be patient with a fellow human being.)

When I finally had my turn on the organ (after he expressed at least 6 times "My fingers are tired so you should play now" while proceeding to play another piece), I kept getting interrupted. I understand vocal acclamations and praise when someone performs an awe-inspiring piece, but his interjections (though positive and encouraging) felt like he was rushing me. Would you clap and cheer in the middle of a song at Mass or at a concert? Or would you actually listen and try to enjoy the song? The former is just plain rude, imho. As a musician, music is one of the lifelines of the soul. Interruptions are simply killing the spirit.

I was frustrated I did not get any "good" recordings of me playing the 5th largest organ in the world so you'll just have to take my word for it. The videos that were taken of me were not stationary and instead were shaky and all over the place (I wonder if someone's ADHD kicked in), and some recordings even cut off the songs I played.

Do I need videos? No, I suppose not. Why did I want the videos? If I'm being honest, probably to show off. Do I need to show off? No, because I would want people to like me for who I am without me having to prove my likability.

I guess I can do away with the videos.

Though I am frustrated, angry, etc., my desire to play that organ properly is still strong. And I just have to trust that God will fulfill that desire in my heart (however that desire is meant to be fulfilled).

P.S. Previous title was “Angner” lol

[antimatterz]

Hi there! I'm back after a few days of doing missions and farming and everyone is now level 50! Well, almost everyone, I still have three more that needs their ascension materials but I have to wait for a bit after I poured out all trailblaze power to get exp materials. How are you? Seems like self-aware au is becoming your new agenda. Once I saw your three updates, I couldn't be anymore excited and look forward to some more. There is so many things you can think about when it comes to self-aware au, based on experience alone. I would love to write them, if only I had much motivation to do so.

After reading the fic about logging in at ungodly hours, I felt bad of all those days that I did not bother to sleep just to finish the Belobog arc and jump to Xianzhou. Not to mention the number of times I had to repeat to defeat Bronya and the Ebon Deer. It was 10 times for Bronya and the Ebon Deer was around 15 or 16. The Doomsday Beast only took me 3 times. My frustration during those times were at peak that I ranted over my friends about it. They don't even play Star Rail. And those sleepless nights still continue until now and I bet Stelle would have already bonk me with her bat. So it's super relatable and not to mention, cute. Probably before Dan Heng passes out, he makes sure that you had log out completely. And whether it reaches or not, he mumbles some good night and rest well to you. If Blade were able to do it, he would give you a playful flick on the forehead while sternly telling you to sleep already. He watches you as you log out and then he breathes out as a sigh of relief now that you are resting finally. Gepard would want to get out the system just to take care of you. Mr.Cold Feet is Mr. Cold Feet, man has many things up his sleeve, of course, he'll be up with you. And please someone help sleeping beauty ╥⁠﹏⁠╥

Mr. Luocha just arrived yesterday, and I keep getting Qingque, help. Hopefully, I'll get him or maybe Miss Yukong on the next pull (I'm so into being delusion that I start giving honorifics to fictional characters). I also read your Blade fic and also the one with Dan Heng. I really would like it if Blade joins my team but I don't know about Dan Heng. What if he doesn't come home like I may have run out of time or ran out of stellar jades? Delusional—what if Dan Heng sabotages each pull or Blade would avoid joining my team at all cost by dodging my pulls? Manifesting that we could get them at the next pull and we could also get the upcoming characters too.

aaa i'm sorry for getting back to you so late, i really wanted to take a moment to sit down to form a proper reply instead of coming up with something rushed, but i was kinda busy ;_; also this is a super long post because i added your other asks as well in order not to clog up the dash so i added a cut!

ooh good job! that's pretty neat! i have to admit that i don't even bother to level up all my characters. i bring them to lvl 20 and ascend them for the free warp but that's about it lol. but i miiiight lvl them up at some point because i've been hearing pretty good things about some of them and i kinda want to try them out too, you know? for example i used qingque in a trail and she did some pretty amazing numbers? so i feel like she's worth it to lvl up and build her! so yeah i'm currently prefarming to lvl my most-used characters to lvl 80 because i'm about to reach equilibrium lvl 5, but after that i might start working on my other characters! okay that was a whole story i'm sorry shdhfh.

that aside, i'm doing pretty good! as i mentioned before, i'm kinda busy but i try to find moments to write and relax so i'm holding up hehe. and yeah apparently? self-aware au is super fun to write and brainrot about and now i'm getting a lot of requests on it too! come to think of it, you're kind of the one who started this all! so thank you for that hehe.

to be fair, i'm procrastinating the trailblaze missions so i haven't encountered the ebon deer yet, i'm still somewhere around the part where we interrogate kafka lol. i'm sooo behind i know >.< maybe i should catch up? but i have like, zero motivation to do so help. and ooh that's so relatable. none of my friends play hsr so i have no one to talk to : ( i guess that's why i always go all out replying to your asks because i'm so happy that i get to ramble about dan heng and the game in general fjshdhd.

oh yes i can imagine stelle doing that! and aaa dan heng, he's secretly so worried about our sleeping schedule and the relief when we log out to sleep is real lol. also i can perfectly hear his tired goodnight y/n and it makes me really soft :< and yes gepard!!! he would totally get so frustrated because he can't get out to actually see you off to sleep, he's such a doting sweetheart :3

ooh congrats on getting him! i'm still hesitating whether to get him or not because i really want blade, kafka AND dan heng il, and i'm not sure how to pull that off without spending my entire bank account shfhdh. and well as i said before, i think qingque is actually pretty good? i hope she will come in useful for you! i'm solely pulling for miss yukong (miss yukong sounds great, i'm gonna use that hehe). i mean i think she buffs imaginary damage and i don't have/use any other imaginary characters but i just love her (and tingyun!!) so much that i had to have her. i have her at e1 now and i'm just hhhh i love my foxian ladies >_<

let's just hope dan heng and bladie can put their rivalry aside for our sake, because i dearly love both (okay if i have to pick one it will always be my beloved dan heng but hhh). but yes indeed, manifesting getting both!!

realistically speaking, it would be best to prepare for the worst when it comes to dan heng il, but i'm so attached to my boy, i don't want him to leave the crew.. what if we never see him again?? don't even wanna think about that >.< let's just hope hope hope it won't be that bad and that he gets to stay with us :< if not i will riot shfhdh.

i've been building her a little and so far she's doing okay? i mainly started using her because i needed a physical dps but then i saw her ult where she summons a massive angry chicken and i laughed out loud let me tell you that lol. she's far from completed yet, though, she's still a work in progress but i keep getting distracted by other characters oops?

hehe yep! you just inspired me and besides, i really appreciate you stopping by in my ask box so i just wanted to do a little something! i'm glad it made you happy :D

and yes of course! welcome to my lil' anon family!

aaa smiling dan heng?! i couldn't find the artwork sadly but that sounds lovely, his smile melts my heart >_< especially since it's so rare because his face is always so stoic. and oh i'm guilty of doing that too hehe.

hoyo knows what they're doing and it's not ok. now i not only have to save for dan heng il but also for his signature light cone ;_;

i saw that on tiktok !!!! and the way i gasped !!!! it's so insanely cool they're treating dan heng il like some kind of deity and i'm loving it, our man deserves this (i'm just not sure if my heart is ready to love this man even more?!!)

that can only mean one thing, right? he's getting close aaaaa i'm not prepared and i'm not sorry for the person i will become when he officially drops 3:)

[notanotherreidgirl]

I just had an idea based on my recent health experience: What if Spence had to wear a Holter for 24 or 72 hours to measure his heart's activity (maybe as part of the FBIs health checks) ? And he has to take notes of everything he does so that they can match it with the information collected so he cannot have sex or masturbate unless he's willing to justify his increased heart activity to a team of doctors. So, reader being reader, decides to drive him nuts, teasing him again and again because she knows he can't do anything about it. (Does he end up cumming in his pants because he's trying so hard not to touch himself and increase his heart rate?) ☺️🥰

Love ya! Have a great day!

Let's Get Physical

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+, edging, blowjob, grinding, coming in pants

Word Count: 1380 (i'm inclined to just call this a full fic)

A/N: First, an apology. This has been in my inbox for quite a while and I am very sorry about the wait. Secondly, I made this entire scenario up after doing some minimal research on Holter monitors so it might not make sense.

Spencer gave Hotch’s door a light tap before taking a deep breath and then giving two sharp knocks. “Come in”

The door swung open and Derek patted him on the shoulder with a smile as he exited, no doubt having just received a glowing report regarding his physical health. Spencer dropped into the seat, casting a quick glance at the team of health professionals on Hotch’s couch and immediately regretting it. They were very clinical looking - pressed white lab coats, hair combed and gelled back, clipboards piled with papers, already scribbling away and speaking among themselves in hushed voices. “Ok Dr. Reid, we just have a few questions to ask you regarding your health practices and then we’ll take a look at the results from the Holter Monitor. Is that alright?”

“Um yeah. Yeah, that’s fine” he glanced over at Hotch who was leafing through Spencer’s notes with a raised eyebrow. The first few questions about his diet and lifestyle practices were easy but then came the dreaded evaluation of the Holter measurements. “Now we just have a few questions about some of the readings from the Holter. I see there was a bit of a spike right after you put it on that you attributed to nerves?”

“O-oh uh yeah, I was just a little nervous about having it on. That was it.” But that wasn’t the exact truth.

---

You had Spencer sit cross-legged on the bed without his shirt when he came home with the Holter. He was explaining how it worked as you studied the diagram detailing how to put it on. You slipped the wearable recording device over his head and climbed into his lap, surreptitiously rocking your hips into his as you untangled the wires. His hands encircled your waist, adjusting your angle so your clothed core ran against his entire length. You attached the electrodes carefully, kissing each patch of skin before covering it. His breath came out in soft pants as his release mounted and he squeezed his eyes shut. Just as he was about to come, you clicked the machine on and his eyes flew open.

“Wait, Y/N! I can’t - I’m supposed to keep my heart rate down.” The panic in his voice was evident and you smirked. If there was one thing you knew about Spencer it was that he liked succeeding. One might even say he liked winning - 3 Ph.Ds, prolific poker player, unsubs behind bars - so it didn’t come as a surprise to you that he was keen on passing his health evaluation. You trailed a hand down his chest, feeling the pounding heart he was trying to calm with deep breaths. “If you say so, doc”

---

The evaluator’s next question snapped him from his reverie. “That sounds fine but there was a concerning increase in your heart activity at 2 AM. It says here that you were exercising, specifically sprinting?”

Spencer dropped the pen he had been twirling and dove under his chair to get it. “Ah yes, I - uh - those are my nightly sprints.”

If Hotch’s eyebrows went up any farther they’d disappear in his hairline. He leaned back in his chair, rubbing a hand across his face in exasperation when he spotted your face peeking out through an opening in his office blinds. You darted away quickly, sprinting back to your desk. Meanwhile, Spencer mentally chastised himself for his lack of self-restraint, saying that he was doing sprints at 2 AM was stupid but it was the only thing he could think of that could somewhat explain his elevated heart rate without revealing his actual activities.

---

He couldn’t sleep with the monitor on, tossing and turning in your arms until he rolled onto his back and let out a frustrated huff. You sleepily propped yourself up on your elbow. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?”

He scooted in closer, curling his body into yours and burying his face into your tits. He whined, “Can’t sleep with this thing on me”

“Oh, poor baby. Do you need me to make you feel better?” You dipped a hand down the front of his pajama pants and he automatically pressed his hips forward, used to you soothing him in this way after nightmares. He was already half-hard and you stroked him softly before sliding down the bed. His whimpers at the loss of your breasts exploded into loud moans as you swallowed his length, running your tongue up the underside of his cock and sucking at the tip before taking him back into your throat. Usually, you would take your time but you were feeling particularly wicked tonight, bringing a hand up to cradle his balls as the other forced his wild hips down onto the bed. Once again you pulled away just as his orgasm began to materialize and he threw his head back against the pillows, whines devolving into a choked sob. “We wouldn’t want to mess up your Holter results, now would we?”

Needless to say, he didn’t get any sleep that night.

---

“Well Dr. Reid, this kind of activity is most unusual and frankly quite concerning. Your heart rate even shot up right before you returned the monitor which you again attributed to nerves.” Spencer’s face reddened as he recalled the events that transpired that morning.

---

He was pacing down a vacant hallway in the basement of the Bureau, willing his nerves away. He was sure he would fail. Could you even fail one of these evaluations? Probably. If anyone could fail it would be Spencer. Between the events of the last 24 hours and the fact that Derek was going right before him, he knew he was screwed. And then as if the universe were conspiring against him there you were coming out of the printer room, heels clicking against the floor, hips swaying, a form-fitting blouse leaving just enough to the imagination. And Spencer had a very vivid imagination. Watching you float towards him was really all it took to have him standing at attention, heart rate skyrocketing. But you were ever the overachiever, threading his tie between your fingers and pulling him in for a kiss. Your knee came up between his legs and he automatically rocked into you, still worked up from your relentless denial. You ran your tongue over his bottom lip, deepening the kiss and applying even more pressure. “You’ve been so good, sweetheart. Trying your very hardest to control yourself. It’s adorable.”

It didn’t even occur to Spencer that he had to return the monitor along with his notes in less than 10 minutes, he was cumming in his pants as soon as the praise left your lips, whining into your mouth as he finally attained his long-awaited release. He looked down at you in shock as you stepped back. “Shit, Y/N! What do I do? They’re gonna call me up in 5 minutes!”

You gave him a mocking look of sympathy as you smoothed the wrinkles in his dress shirt. “Guess you better get cleaned up then”

---

“Dr. Reid, I’d like to see you again for a follow-up.” The doctor on the left scribbled their name on the bottom of a form and handed it to Spencer. He gave the paper a quick glance before looking over at Hotch with wide eyes. Help me.

Hotch sighed, taking the form from Spencer and giving it a quick scan before returning it to the evaluation team. “As we know, Dr. Reid has had a tumultuous history with these physical assessments. However, he is an invaluable member of this team and has proven himself in the field time and time again. I don’t see any reason to prolong this evaluation. Now if you’ll excuse us, I believe Dr. Reid was your last appointment of the day”

They protested but Hotch fixed them with his trademark stare and they stood up to leave. “Very well, but Dr. Reid will not be exempt from his yearly fitness test this time.”

Spencer gulped, watching them file out the room. He turned to Hotch thanking him as he took his file and turned to leave, glad it was over. But before he could leave, Hotch cleared his throat. “I take it Y/N will be helping you train for your fitness test”

[eternally-writing]

helping hands | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: G (no swearing or sexual content)

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: parent!au, idol!au, husband!au, one-shot

word count: 3k

warnings: none

synopsis: Parenting in general? Hard. Parenting while your husband Jungkook is away on tour? Extra hard.

special thank you to @justasparkwritings for beta reading this and @moccahobi for helping me with the title!

banner by me!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

It had been 2 weeks since Jungkook had left on tour. You would think that after being in the industry for 10 years he would have a little more leniency with his schedule, but even after the birth of your little girl, Jungkook couldn’t seem to get out of a 3 week tour around Japan and Korea.

It seemed like the Earth was weeping with you today as the rain battered against your window while you made what seemed like your 15th cup of coffee for the day. Your daughter Gidae was for once not crying - and you were eternally grateful since it gave you time to change out of your puke-covered shirt and close your eyes for 5 seconds... as if that was any replacement for the lack of sleep you’ve encountered.

All your friends whose husbands were busy idols or businessmen gave you the advice that “everything falls into place over time when you’re parenting on your own”. That it just magically happened. You’re not sure what memo you missed, or if there’s some book you forgot to read, or if worst of all, you lacked some parental intuition that everyone else possessed. Jungkook had left 13 days ago, and nothing had fallen into place.

Between Gidae being up all night every night, the pile of puke covered laundry sitting in a pile in the corner of your room, the dirty dishes in the sink that had accumulated to the point that you were eating your microwave meals with plastic cutlery, you definitely felt like a failure.

And probably the worst part of it all was that Jungkook wasn’t here to help you. This wasn’t the first time Jungkook left on tour while you two have been together, but it was the first time he had left you since Gidae had been born. The first time he had left you, a first time mother, alone with your child for an extended period of time. The first time you needed help and couldn’t ask him for it.

As if on command, while you were bracing yourself on the counter in exhaustion, your phone began to ring.

Incoming call: hubby kook ♡

As you pressed “accept call”, you could immediately heard the hustle and bustle of the backstage crowd. Too tired to be the first to say hello, you waited to see how long it would take for him to realize you were on the other line.

“Hey Y/N, just checking in before the show! How are things?” cheered Jungkook.

You could imagine what Jungkook looked like as he talked to you: already dressed in his first stage outfit, a makeup artist blotting away at the nervous sweat on his forehead, him grinning ear to ear with his hyungs and bursting with excitement for performing.

On a normal day, if you had maybe actually gotten some sleep or eaten at least one meal that didn’t come out of your freezer in the past week, you probably could have mustered a convincing “good! How’s the show going?” But you were on your last straw, and it was already giving way.

“Bad Jungkook. It’s bad. I haven’t slept at all for as long as I can remember. I have no clean clothes or clean dishes, I haven’t showered since you left so I smell like a pungent mixture of puke, sweat, and god knows what else, and Gidae misses you and won’t stop crying.So yes, it’s horrible without you here.”

You knew that wasn’t what Jungkook expected to hear,the sharp intake of breath on his side serving as a telltale sign you had caught him off guard.

“Baby I-, I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

You couldn’t stop your voice from cracking as you continued. Your chest was tightening, feelings bubbling over.

“It’s -“ you paused to take a breath. “It’s really hard without you Jungkook. Really really hard.”

Jungkook tried his best to piece together the words over the phone, but you could already hear the speakers in the background calling for Jungkook to head to his position for the start of the show.

“Y/N I-“

“You have to go Jungkook, I know. Bye.”

You didn’t give him a second to recuperate as you ended the call.

No parenting book ever provided you with advice on this. The loneliness, helplessness, and frustration you were feeling right now. Crumpling down to the kitchen floor, you felt like the world was collapsing around you as you sobbed.

As if on cue, Gidae’s cries joined yours from the other room.

--♡--

You woke up slouched in a rocking chair in the nursery, with your hand reaching down to touch your daughter’s in her crib. She seemed to show you some leniency by sleeping more than 2 hours at a time, but unsure of how much free time she’d give you, you figured you might as well get a head start of the day since you felt like you were miserably falling behind already.

While mixing some formula in your kitchen, you heard a knock on your front door. The only people who ever came over were the boys and a couple of your friends, and you definitely weren’t expecting any visitors at 8am.

Frying pan clutched in your hand (safety first, right?), you creaked open your door to see a small woman standing in front of you.

With a cheery smile painting her face, the lady began to speak.

“Mrs. Jeon, I’m Seokjin-ssi’s nanny. I’ve been sent here today to take care of Gidae. Here’s a note from Mr. Jeon.”

You couldn’t help the smile that decorated your face after reading it. After so many years together, Jungkook still managed to surprise you. Taking in that there was now a woman in your house who was basically Supernanny here to help you, you couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief.

When Jungkook said that you were going to be pampered today, he sure meant it. By a “car” being outside, he actually meant a glorious Porsche with a driver and all your favorite snacks tucked in the backseat. He had booked an entire spa day just for you to get whatever treatments you needed without having to deal with the hustle and bustle of anyone else being around. Simply being in an environment that didn’t always sound like crying and children’s TV shows felt like heaven. A schedule had been waiting when you arrived, including a built in “nap” (multiple hours is just sleep, right?) in one of their private suits and lunch with none other than your best friend. It was the best surprise, and the girl talk you shared was exactly what you needed. Of course the mom guilt crept in, but whenever it did you reminded yourself of Jungkook’s words - you needed this, and only once you take care of yourself will you really be able to take care of your daughter.

You weren’t sure if it was because of the hydrating face mask or the 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep that you were able to get, but you walked into your house with a new pep in your step thanks to the relaxing day that Jungkook planned for you.

Welcomed by Ms. Yeong wearing an apron and bustling around your kitchen, you smelled freshly baked cookies (chocolate chip, your favorite too) and were thrilled at the sight of a clean house in front of you.

Wiping her hands on her apron, she began to speak with that signature smile.

“I’ve cooked dinner for you tonight and also have meals for the next 3 days in the fridge. The dishes are all done and your laundry should all be folded in your drawers. Gidae just had some milk and is now watching some Cocomelon.She woke up from her nap around 3 hours ago.”

In your excitement you couldn’t help giving her the biggest hug, squeezing her tightly. Slowly, Ms.Yeong began to pat your back, unclear about whether this hug was really for you or for her.

“I’m just doing my job Mrs. Jeon.”

You pulled away to look sincerely into her eyes.

“You are seriously a lifesaver Ms.Yeong, I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

After patting your back again, it was her turn to be sincere.

“You’re a good mother, Mrs. Jeon. I know it may not feel like it sometimes, but you really are. Gidae is lucky to have you as a mom.”

Tears began to prick at your eyes, but unlike yesterday, these were happy tears. With all the failures that you had felt in the past two weeks, it meant everything to hear those words from someone, to get some confirmation that you weren’t completely messing things up.

Unable to make any words come out of your mouth, all you could do was nod in appreciation at what she was able to do for you today. Your eyes glimmering with unshed tears said all the words that Ms.Yeong needed to hear.

As she walked out the door, you made a mental note to message Seokjin and thank him for finding the angel on Earth who saved you today.

--♡--

Picking up your daughter from her crib, you cooed and brought her to you. Settling into your rocking chair, you cradled her gently in her arms.

“Mommy missed you today, babygirl, and I know you miss daddy.”

At the mention of the word “daddy” you could see your daughter perk up, looking around and trying to find said male.

All you could do is kiss her forehead. “I miss your daddy too. He’s really amazing, yknow.”

“Amazing, really? I may have said handsome, or sexy, or...”

Your head whipped around to the source of the sound.

And there he was, in the flesh. Jeon Jungkook, the man you had been waiting to see for days on end, was standing right at the door.

“Hi my love,” he said with his silly grin.

Your heart felt like it was bursting as you saw him there, and you couldn’t help but start sobbing your heart out (and I mean ugly sobbing). You felt a waterfall of emotions seeing Jungkook so close.

“Hey hey hey, what’s with this crying? I came home because I didn’t want you to be crying anymore baby.”

Walking over to you, he crouched in front of your chair and started to wipe your tears. Cupping your face in his hands, he pressed his forehead against you.

“I missed you Y/N. I missed you so much.”

You were still reeling from Jungkook’s presence.

“You have no idea how much I’ve dreamed about this Kook. I feel like I’m dreaming.”

Jungkook pressed a short kiss on your lips.

“Well believe it, I’m here for real babe,” he said sentimentally as he peppered your face with kisses.

Picking your daughter out of your grasp, Jungkook lifted Gidae into his hold, lifting her slightly into the air first to make her giggle. Putting on his best stern dad voice, he began his lecture.

“And you little miss, what is this I hear about you causing trouble for your mom?” Questioned Jungkook.

You smiled through your tears as you watched Jungkook go into “dad mode”.

“Before I left you promised you’d be a good girl, but I think good girls don’t cry all through the night and they definitely don’t make a mess with their toys or throw up all over their mommy.”

As Jungkook raised an eyebrow, your daughter looked at him, slightly apologetic, eyes shifting down to the floor, as if she could understand a word of what he said.

“But most of all Gidae, I missed you a whole lot. Your daddy missed you a whole lot.”

You felt like your heart could burst at the way Jungkook looked at your daughter. Even though he might be miles away when he works, you know that he doesn’t love you or your daughter any less.

“I’ll let you put her back to bed, daddy. It is my day off after all, right?” You joked with a chuckle.

Picking up your hand and kissing your palm, Jungkook grinned in agreement.

“Of course my love, go wash up and I’ll see you in bed.”

--♡--

After reading A Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Princess & the Pea, and Rainbow Fish, Gidae was beginning to yawn in Jungkook’s arms. It seemed that it wasn’t just Jungkook who was reluctant to let their father-daughter time come to an end, as Gidae was still fighting to keep her eyes open, and always kept one tiny fist clutched onto the middle of Jungkook’s shirt, as if she was worried he could disappear at any moment.

Wondering what was taking them so long, you peeked your head back in the doorway to watch Jungkook look at your daughter like she was the one who put the stars in the sky. Not wanting to interrupt, you stayed as silent as possible as you watched them together.

“Now I’m gonna say something very important Gidae, and you need to listen very very carefully to me.”

Bringing her up to eye level, Jungkook looked at your daughter sincerely as he continued.

“Sometimes daddy isn’t here and it’s just you and mommy, but I want you to know that daddy loves you and mommy so much, and you’re always gonna be daddy’s little girl, even if I’m not here with you. And I miss you always, so so much. Daddy loves you.”

You could see the tears start to stream down Jungkook’s face, and as much as you wanted to run to him and wipe his tears, just as he did hours earlier, you knew that this moment wasn’t for you. This was for Jungkook and Gidae, and you were sure that he was going to remember this forever.

“You know what would make me so happy Gidae? If you could say the word daddy. Come on - “da” “da”. You can do it!”

He started to bounce her on his lap, exaggerating his mouth movements so much that you were worried that he would accidentally pop his jaw out. His ministrations continued on fruitlessly, with Gidae still staring at him with big doe eyes (a trait she inherited from Jungkook, of course).

Unable to hide your presence any longer, you had to help Jungkook out. “You were only gone for 2 weeks, Kook. She’s still only 6 months old, it’s going to be a little while before she says any words.”

Jungkook shook his head in disbelief. It seemed that Gidae had finally succumbed to sleep in his arms, and he stared down at her again.

“Look at how big she is Y/N, she’s grown so much just in the little while I’ve been gone.”

He looked at you with tears shimmering in his doe eyes yet again.

“Seriously, next time I leave on a tour and come back she’s going to be walking and talking or something.” joked Jungkook as he lightly wiped his tears.

You hugged Jungkook from behind, pressing a kiss to his shoulder before resting your head on it.

“Wherever you are though babe, I’m gonna take photos and videos of all of it so you won’t miss a second of it.”

Jungkook stayed silent as he simply enjoyed having his small family together again.

“You were right earlier you know, on the phone.”

“Hmm?” You hummed in response, unsure of what he was getting at.

“This isn’t working - me leaving isn’t working. I’m not 15 years old anymore, when I could just drop everything and travel the world; I have the two most precious girls in the world with me now, and I need to take care of them.”

Putting his hand in yours, you sincerely looked him in the eye.

“We’re always going to be proud of you Koo, and you know I love watching you do what you love. This may be the hard part, once she gets a little older we could start travelling with you or you could fly back too. Whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it together.”

Jungkook kissed you passionately, hoping his lips could convey what he couldn’t seem to put into words. He repeated your words back to you.

“Whatever comes our way, we’ll handle it together.”

As if Mother Nature was on your side, the rain stopped, leaving the smell of new beginnings wafting in through your window.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

If you liked what you read please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡ - Emily

[wizkiddx]

ohmyword if your doing req can u pls do another fluffy, domestic one bcos honeymoon morning is some i read daily AHAH maybe like the reader gets ill and toms away or something???? pls just anything fluffy

awh thank you for being so sweet abt honeymoon morning - I do think that's one of my favourite concepts ive done!! and I hope this suits what you want, im not so sure myself but I tried :)))

summary: you try to hide being ill from Tom before he leaves but inevitably it doesn't all go to plan

warnings: mentions of being sick, I think that's all - basically just fluff 

|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

The night hadn’t really gone typically at all. Instead of relishing the last night with Tom for a few months, your body seemed to have different plans. Hence why now you were curled up in a ball on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV, while the washing machine whirred next-door in the utility room and the chemical smell of cleaning products enveloped the downstairs. At least when you were sick, you were a clean sick. 

You were also a quiet sick. You had been pulled from your sleep by the uncomfortable heavy sensation from your stomach barely an hour after you’d both headed to bed. Why was beyond you - what had been important in that moment was to get away from Tom. He was flying back to set tomorrow (or given the early hours currently, lunchtime today was more appropriate) and only had a single day to settle before launching back into filming. So the poor boy was inevitably, given time zones, going to be running on poor quality plane sleep for the next couple of days - you wanted to five him a final night of peace, at least. 

As a result, you’d crept downstairs and since then spent a large chunk of the night making good friends with the downstairs toilet bowl. Once you were absolutely certain there was literally nothing else in your stomach, you chucked some bleach down the loo; then stripped your *stained* pyjamas and chucked them in the washing machine; changed into some freshly washed stuff in the utility (comprising of joggers and one of Tom’s hoodies); before you could curl up in the corner of the sofa. 

And that’s how you’d been for an hour or so. Still feeling grim, unable to fall asleep as much as you were trying to and generally just lying in a ball of self pity. And that was fine… until you heard the unmistakable slow padding of footsteps down the stairs. 

“Love?… -hy’re you up?” His voice was drenched in sleep, making it pull on your heart strings, even before he had rounded the sofa and come into view. Dressed only in his heather grey joggers only, Tom’s curls sat ontop of his head wildly - sticking up at all ridiculous angles. And then there was his puffy eyes, barely open as he slowly processed the sight of you curled up on the sofa. 

“Just couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to keep you up tossing and turning. Why are you up bub?”

“Don’t sleep good without you… you know kicking me and stealing the duvet and stuff.” Never one to maintain a level of seriousness and ‘soppiness’ - it was instantly turned back to the typical relationship of the two of you. While rolling your eyes, you still chuckled at him in the low light of the TV. Tom took the opportunity to perch on the edge of the sofa, sitting so he was grinning loopily down at you. “You fancied putting a wash on too?” 

“...I don’t know just trying to be productive?” He was catching on, he was suspicious. You could tell. His eyebrows furrowed together and he delicately hovered the back of his hand over your forehead, feeling the undeniable heat radiate into his skin. 

“And bleach?”

“Toilet needed doing anyway.” You mumbled, head turning to stare back at the TV- knowing his eyes were piercing into your soul. He sighed, in your peripheries you could see him shaking his head in slight frustration, as his hand reached for yours, giving it a squeeze. 

“You’re ill aren’t you?”

“I’m alright-“ he cut you off with a low warning of your name, making you cower slightly because he’d caught you in a lie. “I threw up a couple times but now I just feel a bit ‘eugh’”. That was, to be fair, a completely truthful description of your evening and current situation. Maybe not put most eloquently but Tom definitely got the messsage, somehow reading your mind by lightly massaging your abdomen with his hand that wasn’t clasped with yours. 

“Come on... let’s get you back to bed.” As much as you wanted to argue with him, it was clear any attempt would be futile. One of things you love so much about Tom is how fiercely protective he is of those dear to him. His circles progressively shrunk as he learnt who he could trust and who ... well he couldn’t. The culling had left a handful of people who were almost central to Tom’s life - somehow you’d managed to wangle your way into these select few too. 

So no, there was not point arguing or suggesting he puts his own welfare first. 

After putting you back int the double bed, Tom had disappeared for 10 minutes or so, when he reinterred the room it was clear he’d been busy. His tongue was stuck out in focus as he tried to balance different mugs and plates on a tray to you. Even if you felt shitty, for a moment by just seeing how far this guy had gone for you - you’d never felt better. 

“Okay there’s some lemsip with honey to settle your stomach, water and a slice of toast just because you should probably see if you can keep something down.”

“You really are the sweetest.”

“And you’re the illest so get drinking love.” He laughed softly in the yellow glow of the bedside lamps that illuminated the room. It highlighted his prominent jaw line and the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and given your slightly off state, you might’ve spent a bit too long ogling at the man cosied up next to you. Never would there be a time you weren’t grateful for him. 

Turns out you couldn’t keep the toast down but the experience was somewhat less horrific - this time you were spilling your guts out into your ensuite, while Tom held your hair and rubbed your back. Eventually things settled, allowing The two of you nestle back into bed, Tom wrapping his arms round your stomach to lightly trace random patterns on the skin underneath your hoodie - as you nestled back into his chest more. 

“I really love you Tom”

“Love you darling, now get some rest and shout if you need anything.” You hummed lightly, almost letting go to sleep now your felt a bit less like your intenpstines were wringing themselves together. But not quite. 

“I’m gonna miss you and your stupid face.”

“We can talk about that when your better” It was as if Tom thought whispering and drawing circles on your stomach was going to deafen you to his words. Yes your stomach wasn’t having a lot of fun and you were tired - but you were not deaf. It was oh so predictable too, he loved to be absolutely ridiculous. Indignantly you huffed, rolling over and eyeing him intently. 

“What’s there to talk about?” 

“Just…. Just if your sick you shouldn’t be on your own. I could always just-“

“No no you couldn’t. You and me both know for a fact you do have a choice and even if you did it be pissing off a hell of a lot of people.” He pouted, you could tell even in the darkness of the night. 

“I hate having to leave you though, especially like this.”

“Yes but you love your work too. I’ll be here when you get back… maybe just with a bit less intestines.” Laughing at that, Tom pulled you onto his chest, pressing his tips to the crown of your head as your burrowed into his side. 

It can’t have taken more than 5 seconds for you to fall asleep, exhausted from the illness, the stupid time in the morning and maybe slightly for dealing with Toms idiocy.  

You were awoken in the morning to Tom stroking your hair gently, all dressed and ready for his flight - but still finding the time to fuss over you and wanting to say a proper goodbye. After practically ordering his to leave… you best believe he dropped in the fact he’d got both Sam and Harry to come round as your babysitter. 

He was an idiot. But he was your kind, caring , beautiful and loving idiot. 

[pride-moth]

You only get what you grieve [Stolitz Week Day 5 Hurt/Comfort]

Ao3 Link

Event Info Link

Stolas has been drifting in and out of consciousness in his tight restraints for hours by the time Blitz, Millie, Moxxie and Loona break down the door to his holding cell. It’s a big, empty room, all metal and a single cupboard. Stolas is tied to a chair, has been for days, no food, no water in his reach. To get it, he would depend on Stella’s mercy and she has shown him none.

It takes him a moment to force his eyes open, and attempt to feel his own limbs when they all pour into the room. He can’t, the ropes around his body have cut off all sensation in them. He can faintly remember them hurting when he was first put in them, but all the pain has long been replaced by unbearable numbness.

Blitz rushes towards him to hold his face between his hands. “Millie! Give me your knife!” he yells and cuts Stolas free the moment he receives the knife.

Stolas’ arms fall to his sides uselessly. “Blitzy?” he says weakly, his voice barely more than a rasp.

“Sir, I think he’s dehydrated,” Moxxie remarks.

“Then get some water, Moxx!” Blitz yells, making Moxxie scurry into the back of the room, stands in front of Stolas again and takes his face back between his hands. “Stolas? Hey, it’s… It’s okay, we’re here now, you’ll be okay.”

“Stella?” Stolas asks, it’s all he can get out.

“She… She’s dead. We… Took care of that. It was… I was… Sorry, there was no other way.”

Stolas doesn’t say anything, but is overcome with a hefty cough.

Moxxie comes running back with a large bottle of water. Blitz yanks it from his hands and holds it carefully to Stolas’ beak. “Slowly,” he says softly, perhaps more softly than Stolas has ever heard him speak.

He drinks, trying to slow himself down, but he hasn’t had a drop of liquid in three days and his body is aching for it with every fiber. His arms start to itch again, so that’s a good sign as well at least. He stops drinking for a moment to whisper “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it, I wouldn’t just let you die in this hole.” There’s a rumbling above them. Blitz looks up in obvious concern. “Can you get up?”

“I don’t know, I barely feel my limbs.”

The steps above them grow faster. “Loona, you’re strong, can you throw him over your shoulder when we get in a hurry?”

She shrugs. “I guess. Either way, we should probably get running.”

“I thought…?”

“Yeah, we got rid of Stella, but unfortunately Striker still has a bit more of a personal problem with us,” Millie explains while she gestures for Blitz to give her her knife back.

As if on cue, Striker appears in the doorframe, already bleeding from his shoulder, but his eyes hungry for a fight. “You killed my source of income, you destroyed my job and you’re even trying to save this pompous asshole?”

“I’d rather have a pompous asshole than a deranged one!”

“Hand him out to me, I’m sure there are enough overlords and royals in Hell who would be more than willing to pay a good bounty for him. And I would even be generous and give you all 10%. As a peace offer.”

“Fuck you and your peace,” Blitz says, draws his gun and takes a single shot.

The bang echoes throughout the small room and leaves Stolas’ ears ringing. A stinging pain takes over that makes it hard for him to look up and focus. But when he manages to lift his head again, he sees Striker on the ground, struggling to hold onto this bleeding leg.

“Let’s get out of here,” Blitz sighs and motions for everyone to follow him as he jumps over Striker and leaves him behind on the ground.

“Sir?” Moxxie says as though to raise an objection.

“Shut it, Moxx. Loona, take Stolas. Now.” Blitz doesn’t even look back at them.

Loona throws Stolas over her shoulder with surprising ease and carries him outside.

They make their way through the abandoned warehouse building in uneasy silence, only the sound of steps on metal between them.

When they make it outside, the light almost burns Stolas’ eyes. “Let’s go to the office,” Blitz offers.

“But Via…” Stolas says weakly, still hanging over Loona’s shoulder, suddenly overcome with fear for his precious baby.

“She’s there, we got her out of the palace first thing before we went on our little rescue mission. Took one of your butlers, too, so someone can look after her.”

“Oh thank the stars.”

“No, thank me maybe, but you can save that for later.” Blitz fishes his phone out of his pocket and stuffs it back in, frustration all over his face. “Moxxie, would you call an ambulance?”

“What?”

“An ambulance. Weee-oh, weee-oh. Takes people to the hospital, do you even have a brain up there?!”

“Sir, I know what an ambulance is, but why?”

“Well, Striker is bleeding out in there, for one.”

“Don’t you want him dead?”

Blitz laughs. “Are you insane? He’s the only motherfucker in Hell to put up a real fight, do you really think I want to deprive myself of that fun?”

Moxxie sighs, shakes his head, but calls the ambulance without further discussion.

Loona sits Stolas down on the couch of their waiting room. Stolas thanks her and feels sleep gnawing at him more intensely than ever before.

It takes not even two seconds before Octavia storms in and throws her arms around him, “Oh my God, Dad! You’re safe!”

Stolas weakly lifts his arms, thankful to feel them again at all, and wraps them around her. “Of course, Via. I would never leave you alone.”

“I assume Mom didn’t make it?”

Stolas’ looks around helplessly, unsure of how to respond.

“She was on the way to fully execute your dad, so we didn’t really have a choice,” Blitz says, as a matter of fact, but he doesn’t seem particularly happy about it. “I… I’m sorry.”

Octavia nods. A thousand emotions run through her big eyes in a matter of seconds. Grief, relief, anger. “I… I’m glad you’re safe, Dad. I just… I need a moment.” She lets go of him and gets up. She leaves the room.

“Via-” Stolas tries to get up but his legs don’t quite allow him to yet.

“Leave her,” Loona says, “Her mom might have been a bitch, but she was still her mom and it’s hard to lose that. I’ll check on her later.”

Stolas wants to protest, run after his daughter, but simply gives her a sad nod. He’s not running anywhere yet.

“How are you feeling?” Blitz asks as Millie enters the room with some hot chocolate for everyone.

Stolas can only shrug. “Like shit, mostly. I can sort of feel my body again, at least. But, I just… I can’t form a clear thought, it’s all so… foggy. I… I can’t even think of how I feel about Stella being dead. It doesn’t feel real. Nothing feels real.”

Blitz nods and hands him one of the hot chocolate cups. “That’s okay, take your time.”

“You’re being extremely nice to me,” Stolas remarks.

“Stolas, I’m coming off a 72 hour rescue mission and I’m mostly just glad you’re alive. I don’t exactly have energy left over for snarky sarcasm, okay. Being as charmingly abrasive as I am takes work.” Blitz plops down on the couch next to him with a shaky laugh. Stolas leans against him.

“Thank you. I don’t think I would still be alive without you.”

“I would never let you die,” Blitz whispers.

Across the room Millie is gesturing at Moxxie and they excuse themselves from the room moments later.

“Where are they going?”

Blitz sighs. “Ugh, they want to give us the room. As if I’m gonna drop a whole confession speech on you when you barely function.”

Stolas stops. “Confession?”

“Oh crap.” Blitz blushes. “I… Don’t worry about it today, okay? Worry about your daughter and the very awkward funeral you’re about to attend soon. Just… Just let me help you put yourself back together.”

Stolas stays silent.

“Let’s start by massaging your shoulders, those must be killing you. Sorry, maybe not the best time to make jokes about murder. Uhm, anyway.” Blitz puts his mug down, gets off the couch to walk behind Stolas. He starts carefully massaging Stolas’s shoulders.

It feels good, it takes some of the edge off, it brings warmth back into Stolas’ body. It makes everything feel a little less horrible. It makes everything horrible he has experienced in the past few days feel a little farther away. He doesn’t want Blitz to ever stop touching him. He wants to feel these hands on him for as long as he lives. It should be some earth-shattering revelation, but it simply feels like the culmination of everything they’ve been through. “I love you,” he whispers, without thinking.

Blitz stops massaging him for a moment. “You should call a therapist.”

“Because I love you?”

“No, because you’ve just spent three days tied up in a storage unit without food or drink and your wife had to be murdered to get you out of there. You might need some help processing that.”

“Were you even listening to me?” Stolas asks, a little heartbroken.

“I was, Stolas. And I love you, too, you big idiot, but I’m not going to talk about this with you now. Not before we’ve slept for 24 hours. Not before things aren’t somewhat okay with your daughter. I don’t… I’m not going to take advantage of you like that.”

“It’s not-”

“Please, Stolas. Let me just… Be there for you for now. Platonically.”

Stolas swallows but then he nods and that’s all that’s said about it for the evening. It’s enough, though, for now, that Blitz brings him hot chocolate and massages him and helps him talk to Via and helps him get up and walk again. And Blitz is right, he has other concerns for now. The horror of the moment is over, but there’s so much work ahead.

[plaidbooks]

Feeling Cold

A/N: I just can’t stop writing Sonny Carisi, especially fluff. Because this man deserves fluff and happiness (okay, everyone on svu deserves that). Anyways, here’s some fluffy Sonny fluff.

To my non-American crowd, 5⁰F = -15⁰C

Tags: none (it’s implied they have sex at the end), alcohol mention (Bailey’s is an Irish cream liqueur)

Words: 2577

Taglist: @witches-unruly-heart @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @lv7867 @storiesofsvu @cycat4077 @shroomiehomie @alwaysachorusgirl @glimmerglittergirl @joanofarkansass @averyhotchner @redlipstickandplaid @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @crowleysqueenofhell @reading--mermaid @dreamlover31

It was one of those days where Sonny had arraignments all morning, then no court the rest of the day. Normally, he loved that; it’s not that he hated trials or courts, but he felt like it was, well, a time sinkhole. He had so much paperwork and stuff to do, and sitting at a table, listening to the defense drone on and on, made him more anxious as he thought about the stacks of files in his office. When he was up in front of the judge and jury, it was fine; he was getting things done. Any moment not actively working felt like a waste, though.

But today, he was leaving the warmth of the courthouse to half-jog through snow and 5⁰ weather. He checked his watch as he entered One Hogan Place, seeing that it was his “normal” lunch time; he was planning to take a quick lunch break, then dive into work. Plus, his lunch break meant he got to call you.

You had the day off, so he called you while in the elevator, heading up to the eighth floor. “Hey, doll. I’m done with court and just heading up to take my lunch. How’s your day?” His voice was a little unsteady, his teeth chattering. He had his normal peacoat over his suit, but he had forgotten both his scarf and gloves, and he was freezing.

“Fine…. You sound cold, Sonny. Are you outside?” you asked.

He huffed. “Not anymore—I’m just getting to the eighth floor,” he explained. The elevator doors dinged open, and Sonny let out a hiss as a blast of cold air hit him.

“What happened?” you asked, hearing his exhale.

He let out a shiver. “It’s fucking cold in the office.” Hurrying to his door, he unlocked it with numb fingers, and it was even colder inside. “The heater must be broken.”

He noticed everyone on his floor bundled in various coats and blankets, some even with personal heaters. Sonny moved behind his desk, sitting in the chair and feeling another shiver move up his spine from the cold leather.

“Would coffee help?” you tried. You had just made a huge batch of soup—for lunch and dinner tonight—and you wished Sonny could have some.

“Y-yeah…good idea.” He stood and went to his coffee maker. “Aaaand, it’s broken. Holy shit.” He clenched his jaw, feeling tears in his eyes from frustration.

“Oh god; I’m sorry Sonny. Can you leave early? Bring paperwork home to work on?”

“No—I have a meeting in two hours, and I need to be here. I-it’s fine. I can deal with this.” He grimaced, running a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m gonna go—eat my lunch. I’ll talk to you tonight, doll. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sonny. It’ll work out; I promise.” You hung up, thinking. Sonny sounded so upset, and you knew him—he got cold easily. The downfall of his lankiness. It was only a 10-minute drive to his office; you could easily make it before his meeting. Hell, he’d probably still be on lunch.

You ladled some soup into an insulated thermos, then pulled on Sonny’s coat—which was much too big on you. And then you pulled on a second of his coats. You stopped by the store on your way, buying literally the last space heater on the shelf, and ordering an extra-large coffee—with a tray.

You put the thermos on the tray, opposite the coffee. Tray in one hand and space heater in the other, you made your way to the eighth floor of One Hogan Place. It was freezing in the building, and you felt bad for the various workers you passed by, all bundled up.

You made it to Sonny’s office, putting the heater down to knock on his door. He called out to you, and you opened the door, stooping to grab the heater as you entered.

“D-doll?” Sonny asked, shivering. He took you in—the two coats, the tray and box. “Wh-what—?”

“I figured you needed this,” you said, smiling. He shook himself, standing and hurrying around his desk. You handed him the tray with coffee and soup, then placed the heater on the desk.

Sonny put the tray on his desk, still looking confused. “What i-i-is all this-s-s?”

“Drink some coffee—warm up. The thermos has minestrone soup,” you instructed. He didn’t need to be told twice, taking a deep gulp from the coffee cup. You shrugged off the top coat, laying it on the desk. Then, you shrugged off the second coat—the one that was insulated between your body heat and the top coat. Sonny stood stock still as you slipped his arm through one sleeve, then pulled the other one on.

“Better?” you asked, grinning at him. You pulled the other coat back on—it was cold in his office. Sonny nodded, just barely, and you turned to the desk, ripping the space heater box open.

Sonny was so stunned by your act of love; you were here to make him warm, to make him feel better. His mind was spinning—he was the one that did this for others. No one had taken care of him like this…except for his Ma when he was little. He didn’t quite know how to process it.

You finished “building” the space heater—you simply shoved the base on—then stood it by his chair and plugged it in.

“Is this a good spot?” you asked, turning to look at him. But Sonny hadn’t moved, his brow furrowed as he looked at you—no, he looked through you. “Sonny?”

He visibly shook himself. “I-I’m sorry, what?”

You gestured to the heater. “Sit in your chair as if you’re working and tell me if this is placed right.”

Sonny moved back behind his desk, pulling his coat closer around him, then sitting. “A little to the left?”

You moved the heater this way and that until Sonny announced it was perfect. Then he stood once more, coming over to you, and wrapping you in his arms. He kissed your cheek, his lips cold still.

“I love you so much. Thank you,” he muttered in your ear.

You smiled against his shoulder. “Of course, Son. I love you, too.” He held you for a long time, both of you warming from the contact. You kissed his cheek, your lips warm against his cold skin.

Eventually, you pulled back. “Text me when you’re coming home—I’ll have the heater on and a bath ready for you, okay?”

“Y-yeah, okay. Thank you again. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Freeze to death, apparently,” you teased, and he chuckled. “Now drink that coffee and that soup before they get cold. And don’t be too late tonight—it’s supposed to get colder and snow more.”

You moved to the door, and he croaked out another, “I love you.”

You paused and turned, giving him a soft smile. “I love you, too. See you tonight.”

 *********************

Sonny texted you that he was heading home. The soup was simmering, the heater was on, and you made hot chocolate. The bath, you’d wait until he was home, so that it’d be steaming hot. Still, you got a towel ready for him, and you grabbed his favorite sweats and his Fordham hoodie, throwing them in the dryer.

You heard Sonny’s footsteps in the hallway outside your shared apartment, and you went to grab a mug. The front door opened and shut as you poured some Baileys into the mug, then the hot chocolate.

“I’m home, doll,” Sonny announced, shrugging out of his two coats and suit jacket.

“In the kitchen,” you called back. You met him as he came in, handing him the hot chocolate. Sonny was shivering again, his nose and cheeks bright red.

He cupped the mug with both hands, groaning as the warmth seeped into his skin. “Th-thank you-u-u,” he breathed.

“Mhm—there’s Baileys in it, too,” you warned, and he took a grateful sip. You smiled as he made a happy sound, then took another sip. “I’ll get that bath ready, and then you can have some soup.”

You headed for the bathroom, then turned the water on. As soon as it was hot, you plugged the tub, letting it fill. Sonny joined you in the bathroom, and you swore you saw tears in his eyes.

“Are you okay, Sonny?” you asked, worried.

He nodded, blinking rapidly. “Fine; just something in my eye.”

You gave him a look before brushing it off. “Okay, well, bath’s almost full if you wanna strip.”

He placed the empty mug on the counter, then started pulling his clothes off. He was still trembling slightly, goosebumps on his skin even in the warm apartment, and you were worried he may get sick. Once undressed, you helped him into the bath. He groaned as he sunk down, letting himself slide until he was almost fully underwater. You smiled at him, leaning down to kiss the top of his head. Then, you took the empty mug, and went to refill it.

You brought a full mug back, and Sonny’s eyes were closed as he soaked. “This water feels amazing,” he moaned.

“I’m glad,” you replied, passing him the mug. “How was the rest of your day?”

“Soooo much better with that space heater. Thank you so much for that—I can’t believe you found one.”

“It was the last one on the shelf. But if they were out, then I would’ve just dropped off the coffee, soup, and coat, then gone out to find one for you.”

Sonny blinked, staring at you. “You’d do that for me?”

“Of course, I would—you’d do it for me,” you replied, chuckling in disbelief that he asked.

“Y-yeah…I would…” he trailed off, sipping his hot chocolate.

You smiled at him. “Then why is it so shocking?”

He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I just…never mind.” You gave him a stern look and he sighed. “I’m just…I should be used to this by now.”

“Used to what?”

“Someone taking care of me…someone who cares….”

You softened at his words. You had been dating for a few years now, having just moved in 7 months ago. And while it’s true that Sonny went above and beyond in the relationship, you tried your best to do the same for him. The only issue was that Sonny usually brushed off your attempts, not maliciously—he just wasn’t used to it, like he said. You’d try and cook dinner after a long day, and he’d take over once home. You’d plan to have his suits dry cleaned, and he’d snag them on his way to work, picking them up on his way home. Sonny didn’t like people waiting on him; he felt like it was a bother to have someone do something he could easily do himself. Your only time to “take care of him” was while he was at work, or holding him after a long day.

“Listen to me, Sonny; a relationship shouldn’t be one person doing everything for the other. There has to be a balance. So, let me take care of you. Let me do things for you, even though you can do it yourself. I want to do things for you, okay?”

Sonny turned to look deeply into your eyes. He scanned your face for a long time before he eventually nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah…okay. I can do—I can try and do that.”

“That’s all I ask,” you replied. You stood, turning to leave the bathroom.

“I’ll be out in a moment—the waters getting cold,” Sonny said.

You turned back, smiling. “Okay. I’ll get your clothes ready.

He raised an eyebrow at you as you left, heading for the dryer. You pulled out his hoodie and sweats—both steaming hot. By the time you came back to the bathroom, Sonny was out of the tub, drying off. You passed him the clothes, and he smiled softly as he felt the warmth in the fabric.

As he got dressed, you went back to the kitchen, stirring the soup. Long arms wrapped around you from behind, and Sonny’s chin went to your shoulder.

You chuckled. “Feeling warmer?”

“I always feel warmer around you.”

“Awww, that’s cute. But I’m serious,” you said, turning in his arms.

He grinned at you. “Yes, I’m warm now. Thank you, doll.” He leaned down and kissed you tenderly, putting all his love and affection into it.

“Good,” you whispered against his lips. “Ready for dinner?”

Sonny gave you another kiss before pulling away, heading for the cabinet with bowls. “Starving.”

 *******************

Sonny caught you up with his day during dinner, then asked you for yours. Your day was a lot more boring, so there wasn’t much to comment on. Even so, Sonny hung on every word, as if you had traveled the world in 80 days rather than make and simmer a soup, and do some small jobs around the apartment.

Once done eating, you cleared the bowls, rinsing them out and putting them in the dish washer. Then, you went back to Sonny on the couch, throwing a blanket over him, and cuddling next to him. He chuckled, moving the blanket so that it was covering you both, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against his chest.

“I love you so damn much,” he murmured against your head, pressing a kiss to your temple.

You chuckled. “I love you, too.”

You both sat there a moment longer, watching whatever Sonny put on TV. You could hear him humming—something he did when he was thinking hard. You were just about to ask him what he was thinking about when he whispered, barely audible, “marry me.”

You let out a surprised huff of laughter. “I think you’ve had too much Baileys.”

“I’m serious. Marry me.”

You turned to look at him, finding his eyes on you. “You’re serious?”

Sonny rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards. You sat up as he got off the couch and disappeared down the hallway to your room. There was some shuffling, and your heart started beating faster. He came back soon enough, a small ring box in his hand.

“Yeah, I’m serious,” he announced, dropping to one knee in front of you.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you gasped, your hand coming to your mouth. “Oh my god! Of course, I’ll marry you!” you tearfully said, hands shaking.

Seeing you cry made Sonny start crying. He sniffled loudly, blinking his eyes rapidly as he took the ring and slid it on your finger. He got up, and you pulled him right back down into your lap, holding him close and kissing him.

“Well, I guess now I have to get used to you taking care of me,” he muttered, and you laughed.

“Yeah, you do. I want to take care of you, love. You spend so much of yourself, taking care of everyone. Let me return it.”

Sonny nodded. “I will. I promise. But right now, I want to return the favor. You warmed me up, and I have an idea of how to warm you up.” He leaned in to kiss you deeply, and you gripped his hair, tugging gently. He groaned into your mouth before urging you to stand, dragging you to bed.

[calumthoodshands]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation!

thank you @burstingsunrise and @daydadahlias my dear friends this is terrifying for my baby writer ass but i guess i’ll try! Under the cut

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: seven

2. Word count posted for the year: 164,489

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos only!

4. Pairings: so far we’re cake exclusive but well i’m caught up in a story since literally march so

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

all of them and surprising to no one, are from Days in the sun. i sometimes lose my mind a little when i look at the number of kudos being over 100. how. how!! and so many comments!! over 30!! bat shit insane. i’m glad people like it but it does stun me every day

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

i’m gonna name two bc the reasons are different. Dits, because it’s the biggest fic i have written and ever will write, bc i managed to keep a story up in over 130 k words without losing the plot, bc i myself love the world i created in it. everytime i finish a chapter i’m baffled at myself that i’m actually doing this. that i’m writing this fic for soon a whole year.

the second one is probably The easy way out. it’s in no way a particularly outstanding fic, its not long or incredibly short or anything, but i’m proud of how it came to be. i wrote it in one go in just a few hours, i got the exact vibes across that i wanted, and it even did quite well for some reason. i like it a lot

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

i do have a fic i am not proud of but i dont see a point in mentioning it

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

okay i want to mention several people bc im me and these all made me cry

starting off with megs @igarbagecannoteven bc seriously every comment she leaves on dits makes my heart hurt bc theyre so detailed and really make me believe that i’m not just doing nonsense but actually. like. having an effect on people with what i’m writing. i appeciate it more than i can put into words

second of all was that one time i got a random ask from c @soggyburgers and it was in the very beginning still and out of all fics, about my sad fic high above the city lights. i couldn’t believe someone actually read my stuff. and thought it was good. i seriously think about that message almost every month at least once. i’m still sorry i made you cry, c, i hope you’ve forgiven me

third, and a must for me to mention is the playlist des @cakes-curls made all by herself for dits. when i tell you i cried for half an hour. that my fic had such an impact someone would actually sit down and invest the time to find songs that fit the fic and the vibes????????????????? i’m. i can’t. i’ve talked about it a lot of times already and still dont know what to say to express how much it means to me.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

i had a huge writer’s block at one point. i think it took me a month to finish a 3 k word chapter. but also right now, i was struggling with the new chapter for dits, then i was gone over new years, and i have so much to do and i cant sort my thoughts enough to get any further. i’m incredibly frustrated atm. i also constantly think about how i dont give characterisation enough thought.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

probably the first kiss in dits! i had it planned completely different in the beginning, only for it to take not only WAY TOO MANY CHAPTERS but also to happen in a completely different setting.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i literally can’t if anyone has suggestions hit me up i’m too tired and there are too many words

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i mean. i started this year. i learned how to write. how to make sentences flow. those kinda things. basics

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I really wanna keep an eye on characterisation and i really really need to broaden my vocabulary

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

actually, i think all the writers in the club. the fact that we have a community where you can ask the most stupid questions, where you can always ask for advice, even just reading what other people write and ask about. but also just reading their fics in general. meg’s and molly’s cake fics and jess’ were so good they were the last push to get me into fic writing. but also special mention to molly. thanks for always answering my dumb ass questions no matter when or what and helping me w fic ideas <3

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

oh definitely. i was in france!! i was where the magic happens!! but also just personal perceptions of things and preferences, but i won’t specify anything. i cant afford to be perceived even more

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

write. just write. dont be afraid of ideas going to ‘waste’. dont be afraid of writing things u can’t do. if you dont post it, who will know about it? no one but you. always write it down, no matter how small the idea. u can always edit, but u cant get ideas back.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

i have several fics i want to write, but as long as im on dits still, i dont have the brain capacity to work on other longer projects. i would love to write the neighbour fic, or the ballet fic.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’m probably the last rn so if you read this and wanna do this pretend i tagged you!!

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 21

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 

Chapter 21 - Joel is in a really bad way, you and Ellie await to see how and if he will recover

Contains | SMUT and a minor glimpse/reference to PTSD

A couple of days pass and you still had’t left the surgery, you had barely left the chair sat across from Joel’s bed. He still hadn’t gained consciousness, from the beating, the drugs, the stitches. On the second night Molly brought you a change of clothes and suggested you head home for some sleep and to check on Patrick. 

“I left Patrick with you for a reason Molly. I am not going anywhere until I know he is okay” you said shortly to her nodding your head towards Joel. You would be no use to Patrick like this and what child should have to see his parents like this at such a young age, you trusted Molly to look after him for a couple days.

“Fine but at least change your clothes, your jeans are soaked in blood.” She sighed pointing at the pile she had set out for you. For the first time you looked and felt the clothes you were wearing, the dried, crusted blood on your knees creating a smell of iron which filled your nose with nausea. You washed and changed like she asked but after sat right back into the same seat. 

A couple hours when dusk had set in Ellie appeared at the door, neither of you seemed to know what to say to the other. Nothing would make this better, the only person that could was lying in the bed next you both unable to do so. Ellie pulled up a chair next to you and you took her hand, she clenched it tightly. You both fell asleep together on those chairs that third night. 

In the morning, Ellie brought you both two mugs of coffee, “I hate the stuff to be honest but I love the smell.” She sighs. 

You smile slightly at her, “I know exactly what you mean”, neither of you could smell the stuff without thinking of Joel. 

You reach your hand out to Joel’s and squeeze it. Ellie props herself at the foot of the bed as you feel something brush across the top of your hand. You look down to see Joel’s thumb stroking the back of your hand slowly.

“Ellie” you whisper gesturing her to look down at the movement. 

“Joel can you hear me? I am here, Ellie is here too” You call to him. 

“Oh I can hear you darlin, I’d know those two voice anywhere” he says quietly and horsely. He sounded rough but even hearing him call you darlin, well there wasn’t many words that could describe the sense of relief. 

You press your forehead to Joel’s hand which you were holding and let out a deep breath which became a small cry. 

“I thought” you start but you couldn’t finish that sentence. 

“That I would leave the two of you and Patrick? Not today anyway but I see you are already into my coffee stash” he says taking his time with each word, it was difficult to talk and his laugh barely made it past his lips. Neither you or Ellie laughed, it was clear he was trying to lighten your spirits. Joel could barely see out his swollen eye but he could still see and feel the look on your faces, he grips your hand tighter. 

“Joel I’m so sorry” Ellie begins to cry, really cry with her eyes and nose leaking its like she can barely catch a breath. You want to reach out for her but Joel is already there, putting his hand out to her hush her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear. Nothing” He says sternly pulling Ellie’s conscious back into the room. You all sit together a few moments before Joel asks Ellie if he can have a moment with you. “I’ll just go clean our mugs” she suggested offering to take the empty mug from your hand.

There is such a long silence once Ellie leaves, you were about to say something when -

“What on earth were you thinking?” He whispers angrily at you. 

“What? What was I thinking? Are you really asking that now?” You repeat his words defensively. 

“What about the baby, did you think about that? Or Patrick?”.

“What about thank you for saving me Y/N? I don’t know where I would be without you Y/N? Hmm?” Your voice gets a little louder and you continue.

“All I could think when I saw you, like that was that my husband and father of my child was about to get beaten to death in front of me and our daughter. I was not - I wasn’t going to let that happen. You said you wouldn’t leave, you made that promise, I was keeping it.” Your voice shaking as you spoke.

Again Joel says nothing for a bit before a quiet “Thank you Y/N” escapes his lips, he is clearly still frustrated.

“And the baby?” He asks. 

“Joel we haven’t even been to the doctor to confirm if I am pregnant, I am probably too old for it, just because I am late doesn’t mean-“ but he interrupts.

“When in the four years that I have been with you have you been late?” He asked bluntly, the answer was never but you just had a feeling he wasn’t right this time. He was mad, of course he was mad but how you make a ‘rational’ decision in that kind of situation. Maybe the grenade was a dud, maybe it wasn’t, maybe you might have died, maybe you wouldn’t, maybe you were pregnant, maybe you weren’t. The only thing that was certain was Joel was going to die if you didn’t do something, so you did the first thing that came to mind. It seemed hard for him to understand that, maybe he thinks his life isn’t worth that much, ‘what an idiot’ you thought when so many people loved and depended on him. 

“What would you have done if it was me? If you saw me beaten half to death in front of you, would you leave me there?” You asked, he was silent again and you both knew he would never have walked away. Ellie joins you both again “Everything okay?” She asks.

“Yeah we are good kiddo” Joel reassures her with a soft smile. He grimaces slightly, clearly the painkillers beginning to wear off. After Doctor Henry has a good assessment of Joel she explains it’s going to be a couple weeks for a full recovery, “I ain’t staying here for a couple weeks. I want to be in my own house” Joel insists. You pull Doctor Henry aside as you prepare to move Joel home and explain your own situation, “If you let me take a couple samples, I will run some tests and should be able to tell you in a week or so” she smiles. 

Joel spends the next week in your bed at home. By the second week he is beginning to get back on his feet for short periods of time, he manages to walk downstairs and joins you and Patrick to watch a film “What we got tonight?” He asks pulling you into his arms, you let out a large sigh and sink into him. “Patrick picked Monsters Inc again” you point to Patrick who has moved off the sofa to a spot right in front of the TV wanting to be as close as possible. “I’m not pregnant Joel” you whispered so only he could hear, you couldn’t see his face but he squeezed you shoulders tighter and pressed a firm kiss on the crown of your head, “Are you okay?” He asks, you nod your head. You really were okay, “I am. I am really happy with my family. I don’t need anything more than I already have”. You both go back to watching the film and don’t talk about it again. 

That night in bed, Joel turns to you and wraps his arms around the back of you, you feel his hands trail under the shirt you were wearing. “Joel” you groan slightly and press your back into him further, you can feel him stiff against your ass, “Mhm?” He purrs against your ear, “You are still recovering” you state, he wasn’t really in a fit state yet. “I am” he nods and his hands further higher up your top, cupping your breasts. You turn to meet him and press a kiss on his lips before breaking away and venture towards the end of the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asks trying to sit up, you push him back down and begins to pull his underwear away. You lower your head and trail your tongue along his shaft from the bottom to the tip, he let out a hiss as you took him entirely in your mouth. Working away at him with your mouth and hands you feel him tense as he moaned “oh Jesus baby” and finished him off. 

You both fell asleep, you leaning into Joel but being careful with him as good as he was doing, he was still in some discomfort. You watched him sleep, it felt good feeling his chest rise and fall under the palm of your hand. As you feel him breath, you begin to feel him move restlessly under your hand, his breathing becoming erratic. You gently nudge him but it seems to make him worse, you sit up and press your hands at either side of his face, “Joel, Joel wake up! You’re having a nightmare”. Before his eyes flash open he raises his hand to your throat, his grip tightens but quickly loosens as soon as his eyes open and the realisation of who he had in his grip crosses his face. You get your breath back and Joel still hasn’t moved, his eyes wide open, “I - I am sorry. I don’t know wh-“ he says flustered, seemingly unable to move or even blink. 

You move closer to him, almost sitting in his lap, you take his face in your hands and try to force him to look at you “Hey it’s okay, I am okay Joel.” But he is still struggling to look at you and try to pull his face to look at the ground. 

“I just keep seeing it” he says in almost a whisper, you can feel his cheeks are becoming slightly damp. 

Pressing a kiss to his forehead you reply “It’s going to be okay, I promise”. 

[cocochannel00]

Don’t Leave Me Alone

This is so long overdue and I apologize for such a long wait but here it is!! I hope you guys enjoy and as always requests are slow, but always open!

Description: over 6k words, dad!Harry, husband!Harry, Pregnant Y/n, Angst, Fluff.

Masterlist can be found here!

Sometimes when you’re pregnant all you need is a little break...

Kids: Connor (2), Rebecca (1)

You felt like a whale, and not one of those cute baby whales you see at the aquarium. No, you felt like a fat Blue Whale that was about to explode. You were six months pregnant and it had not been as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem. So far you had spent the first trimester throwing up at least twice a day and your second trimester going through insane hot flashes that left you contemplating whether going to the grocery store nude would be that bad of an idea. You were hoping your last trimester would be somewhat more bearable but seeing as the two devils inside you were currently competing to see who could break your rib first, you had a feeling it wasn't going to get better.

You weren't usually one to complain out loud or at least about your own personal problems, but this pregnancy, unlike your last two, was starting to get on your last nerve and so was Harry. You admit you were a bit more agitated than normal but Harry was definitely not helping. He had taken his own form of paternity leave a little over three weeks ago after a small scare you had with one of the twins. You thought that having him home so much would be amazing and you could use the extra help with Connor and Rebecca, especially since your baby girl was just learning how to properly walk. So far she had nearly cracked her head against the edge of the shoe rack in your mudroom which had led you to bubble wrap nearly every corner of your house. You were nearly at your wit's end and there seemed to be no end in sight.

Luckily today was Sunday so you let yourself indulge in a few extra hours of sleep while Harry watched the kids. You had kicked him out of bed last night because his body was like a furnace and in between the hot flashes you were having and the fact that you were feeling too insecure to lay naked next to him, you had sent him to the guest room. At 3 a.m. Harry thought nothing of it and since he was sleep deprived as well he probably jumped at the chance to get away from you and get some sleep without all of her moaning and groaning. You and Harry had spent the last week snapping at each other constantly over little things, but you hoped with a couple of more hours of sleep your hormones would cool down a bit even if your body couldn't.  

The sun was already shining through the window as you rolled around to check your alarm clock that read 10:30 a.m. Well, at least you had gotten to sleep in a bit before the twins started their kickboxing match. You had just finished the ever-challenging task of sitting up on your bed when you heard two piercing cries come from downstairs. You carefully pushed off the bed and leaned against the nightstand to gain your balance before heading to your closet to get dressed. The only thing you were willing to wear these days were dresses. They were elastic, lightweight, and the only thing that you wouldn't sweat through 30 seconds after putting it on. You decided that you would try and be optimistic about the day so you wore Harry's favorite blue dress with sunflowers. You should have thrown it out after your first pregnancy but it held so many memories that you couldn't get yourself to part with it. You were just walking out of the room when a crying Connor came barreling towards your legs.

"Mama" he cried as he buried his face in your dress. You could barely see him under your belly but you wrapped your arms around his back and stroked his brown curls softly.

"What happened baby?" you asked quietly as he scrunched the end of your dress in his tiny fists and wiped his eyes.

"I play with Becca... and fell... and dada mad...and I cry" he mumbled.

"Oh, baby I'm sure it was an accident. Is Becca okay?" you asked as you grabbed his hand and started carefully walking down the stairs with Connor.

"Uh-huh mama accident" he mumbled with a slight lisp.

"That's okay, baby. I'm sure daddy was just worried and that's why he got mad. Let's go make sure Becca's okay" you replied back as you made it down the last steps of the stairs.

You waddle passed the kitchen door to find Harry sitting on a kitchen stool with your daughter in his arms, an ice pack placed on your baby girl's lip as big crocodile tears fell down her face.  

"Connor I think Becca would feel so much better if you drew her one of your special pictures. Do you think you could draw her one?" you asked your baby boy as you rubbed his back.

"Yes, mama I draw. Stickers too" he mumbled as he ran into the adjacent living room.

Once your baby boy was cheerful again you made your way to your daughter and picked her up from your husband's arms.

"And what happened to you, my love? I leave you with your dada for five minutes and you get a boo-boo on your lip" you whispered to her as she tucked her face into her neck.

"Dada turned around for 2 seconds and this is what happened" Harry grumbled as he leaned against the granite countertop.

"Two seconds?" you questioned as you bounced your little girl softly. Harry groaned.

"Ok, it was like 5 minutes. Jeff called me and we were trying to figure out when would be a good time to get into the studio before you give birth and I was distracted and I heard her scream and there was blood and I yelled and Connor started to cry and..."

"Harry I told you already that you can't leave her alone. She's just figuring out how to walk and she bumps into everything. What did she even hit her lip on? Every sharp edge of the furniture is wrapped in bubble wrap." you replied harsher than you wanted too.

"I don't know (y/n). I was talking and she must have bumped her lip on the floor or maybe the bottom leg of the table? It wasn't my fault, it was an accident" He exclaimed defensively as he rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"Harry, it is your fault though. You should have been watching her while you were on the phone. You watch tv while on the phone all the time! The least you could do is watch your own children" you replied back in frustration. You weren't sure if it was your hormones or the fact that you were hungry that was causing the wave of anxiety and anger, but you had a feeling this conversation wasn't going to end well.

"I get it (y/n) I should have been watching her, but maybe if I wasn't getting kicked out of my own bed at 3 am because of your moods. I'll make you some breakfast, maybe it will make you less cranky" he grumbled as he made his way to the toaster.

"I don't want your stupid breakfast and I'm sorry if the two children you helped create make my body feel like it's burning. Maybe we should get you pregnant and see what happens" You repeat harshly as you cradle your baby and went to put her down in her highchair with some cheerios.

"Love, I want to help you... I know this pregnancy has been much harder than the others but I can't help if you kick me out of our bed. You need to tell me what you want me to do" Harry pleaded as he placed some bread in the toaster and turned to face you.

"I want these babies out. I want to not be the size of a whale. I want to sneeze without peeing myself and I want to walk more than five feet without getting heartburn. I want..." you started before the tears began to fall.

"Oh baby, no" Harry mumbled before he ran around the counter to engulf you in a hug. "I know this has been hard and I'm sorry I haven't been as helpful as I should have. I'll make more time for our family and I'll-"

"But I need you to actually do those things, H. You promised me when we got pregnant that you'd be finished with everything by the time the babies got fussy" You mumbled as you put your hands on his chest

"I know, love, and I am, I promise. Once the band and I record a couple more songs in the studio next week I'm all yours," he whispered as you shook your head violently.

"No! You won't be all mine. You'll find something else you'll need to do and then I'll have to watch the kids alone and I can barely walk and you're just going to leave"you all but yelled as you turned your back to Harry.

"(y/n)... what? What are you talking about? Of course, I'm going to be here. I've been home for weeks helping out" he replied back confused.

"Harry every day you've been home you're always locked away in your office or the studio downstairs. You bath the kids, you feed them lunch, great! That's the bare minimum. Who's the one that has to stop their tantrums or bubble wrap the house so they won't get hurt or even try and run around the garden with them while being the size of cow cause it sure as heck isn't you. And then once you're done with the album, you'll be on tour and I'll be alone again." you grumbled angrily.

"(Y/n) you are not the size of a cow and you know I'll give up my music the minute you tell me" he replied.

"I don't want you to give up your music" you stated stubbornly as Harry groaned.

"(Y/n), what is this really about then?" Harry asked tiredly.

"I need a break, Harry... I need to get away from here. The stress and the kids and the babies, I just... I need to go" you cried softly as you wrapped your arms around your bump and watched your baby girl play happily with her food, oblivious to the meltdown happening a few feet away from her.

"Baby, you're scaring me. What do you mean by go away? Do you want to head up north together? We can take the kids up to the cottage or visit my mum" he said quietly trying to hug you, but you stepped away.

"No Harry I need to get away from here... from you" you mumbled just as Connor walked into the room with his drawing.

"Mama look finish," he said with a squeal as you quickly wiped your tears and slowly crouched down to look at his drawing.

"It's beautiful, my love! Why don't we hang it on the fridge so Becca can see it every morning?" You replied back with a small smile as you used all of your strength to stand up again.

Harry saw you wobble slightly and quickly went to help you up from your crouched position. You leaned on his body as he steadied you from falling. You mumbled a quick thanks before going to the fridge with your little boy and helping him place his drawing on the fridge door with some magnets.

"Mommy's very tired baby, why don't you ask daddy and see if he'll make you mac and cheese for lunch while I take your sister up for her nap," you spoke to your son as he nodded with excitement. You carefully went and picked up your daughter from her high chair as Harry grabbed your elbow.

"(Y/n) come on, we're not done talking about all of this. You haven't eaten either. You've got me worried" Harry whispered as he looked at you expectantly.

"I'm not hungry now, thank you. It was a long night and I'm not feeling the best. Go make Connor's lunch, please" You replied as you began to make your way up the stairs.

You finally made it up the stairs with only a bit of heartburn to show for it. You carefully placed your baby girl in her crib and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. You whispered a quick goodbye and started packing a bag. As you threw some dresses and a couple of sweaters into a duffle bag you called Anne who thankfully picked up on the first ring.

"Hello (y/n), how are you? How are the babies" she spoke cheerfully.

"Hi, Anne. I'm doing okay, the twins are definitely fighters. They're going to be a handful" you sniffled softly.

"Oh, sweetheart what's going on?" Anne asked, concern laced in her voice.

"I need to get away for awhile. Harry and the kids and the babies it's just all too much right now. I feel like I'm losing my mind and my hormones are all over the place and it's just so overwhelming and all Harry and I do is fight and I..." you said as you began to hyperventilate.

"(Y/n), I need you to breathe sweetheart, Okay? Stress isn't good for the babies and you already had that scare a couple of weeks back. Breathe love. Pregnancy can very hard and i know these twins haven't made it easy. Do you want me to yell at Harry for you?" she asked softly.

"No, no, it's okay. I just... I need to go somewhere for a couple of days. Just to get myself together before I say something or do something that I..." you started but you couldn't think straight.

"Okay love, that's okay. Everyone needs a little break every once in a while. Why don't you pack some clothes and your pregnancy pillow and come spend a couple of days here in Cheshire with me? I'll call Harry right now to tell him and he can stay and watch the kids for a bit. Why don't you call Gary and ask if he can drive you?" Anne asked.

"Yes, that sounds good" you mumbled as you began looking for your pillow.

"Ok, my love. I'll call Harry and tell him what's going on so he doesn't worry. You just message Gary, ok?"

"Yes, thank you, Anne. See you soon," you replied as Anne said her goodbyes.

After hanging up on Anne you texted Gary to ask if he could pick you up and drive you to Anne's. He agreed and told you he would be there in 15 minutes, giving you enough time to finish packing and say goodbye to your babies.

You were mid-way through packing your toiletries when you heard Harry's footsteps running up the stairs. He walked past your room and towards Connor's before making his way back to you.

"Mom just called me" he spoke softly as he approached you.

"Yes. Gary will be here soon to drive me up to her house" you replied as you placed your toothbrush in your bag and zipped it close.

"I'm glad he's driving you up... (Y/n) what's... what's going on baby. I need to know what's going through your head right now" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around your body tightly.

"My hormones have been all over the place and then I think the scare a couple of weeks ago has made me even more anxious because I don't want anything to happen to our babies and... I can't sleep well at night and I just..." you stammered as you forced yourself to take deep breaths while Harry rubbed circles into your lower back.

"Shhh, love... I know. I think staying with Mum for a couple of days will be good for you, give you some time to relax. I'll make sure the kids are okay and you just message me when you're ready to come back. I'll be just a call away if you need anything" He replied back as he continued to hug you tightly.

"You're not mad at me?" you asked as you looked him in the eye for the first time since your breakdown in the kitchen.

"Of course not, love. I know this pregnancy has been hell for you and I haven't been the best support these past couple of days so I think it will be good for you to have some time to yourself. I'll make sure the kids are ok and if I need I'll call up Gemma. Now, come on, Gary's waiting outside for you. I'll bring your bag and your pillow while you say goodbye to Connor and Becca" he stated as he placed a soft kiss to your forehead before grabbing your bags and heading down the stairs.

Carefully you slipped on your Dr.Scholls flip flops and made your way to Connor's room to say goodbye. Connor was playing with his blocks on the floor happily as you quietly called out his name as you went to take a seat on the rocking chair in his room. Connor stared up at you with a smile and ran over to hug you.

"Mama look blocks," he said excitedly as he pointed at the tower he had abandoned.

"Yes, baby it's a beautiful tower. Listen, love, mommy has to tell you something, ok? I want you to listen to mommy, ok? Can you listen to mommy?" you asked your little boy as he shook his head vigorously.

"Mommy's going to go spend a couple of days with Grandma Anne while you and Becca stay with daddy. You guys are going to have so much fun together! You're going to play lots of games together and maybe in a couple of days, you can come to visit." You spoke as the little boy frowned.

"I no go grandmas?" He asked quietly as he frowned.

"No baby, not yet. You have to stay and help daddy with Becca. Can you do that for me?" you explained to Connor as he nodded his head and hugged you tighter.

"Thank you, Connor. You're getting to be such a big boy. Thank you for watching your sister for me. Why don't you come with me so I can say bye to Becca and we can meet daddy downstairs" you mumbled as you stood up while taking your son's hand and slowly made your way to Becca's room.

Becca was peacefully sleeping in her crib when you walked in. You didn't want to wake her up and make Harry's day more difficult than it already was so you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and made your way downstairs. Harry was at the door talking with Gary, most likely giving him instructions on getting me safe to Anne's. Harry saw you from the corner of his eye and quickly came to help you down the last few steps. Once you had made it to the bottom, Harry went to grab a lunchbox from the kitchen and passed it to you.

"Packed you a couple of snacks and a sandwich for the road and some of those weird gummies you've been craving," he stated, a small smile on his face as he crouched down to pick up your two-year-old in his arms.

"Say bye-bye to mamma, Connor. We'll see her in a couple of days." Harry mumbled to the little boy that pouted as he waved his little hand goodbye.

"Bye mama" Connor whispered as you kissed his forehead. You smiled with watery eyes as you said goodbye to your little boy before looking at Harry.

"I love you (y/n)" He told you as you whispered a soft 'I love you" back. You gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before walking outside to meet Gary.

You greeted Gary and got into the back seat of the black suburban that would be driving you to Anne's. By the time you rounded the end of your street you were fast asleep.

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Harry's POV:

I was officially going to lose it. I had been close over the years, but if either one of my kids cries one more time today I was going to have a mental breakdown. It had been four days since (Y/n) had gone to my mum's house and I had been left to watch the kids by myself. If there's anything I've learned from the last couple of days it's that my wife is fucking Wonder woman. I don't know how she managed to keep it together for so long because I was falling apart at the seams already.

It's not like I hadn't taken care of the two of them by myself before. I had numerous times when (Y/n) had worked late shifts at the hospital or had taken a weekend trip with her friends but for some reason, these past couple of days have been far worse than any of the previous ones. Becca had made it her absolute mission to try and run herself into every corner she could. So far she had managed to fall at least four times, all ending with a minimum three-hour cry afterward. Connor tried to help calm down Becca but most of the time he would just get upset because she was and they both end up crying. Yesterday had been the breakpoint for me though.

I had managed to keep Becca and Connor from crying all afternoon which was quite a miracle and just as I was putting them to bed, Becca saw a picture of (Y/n) in the hallway and began to scream for (y/n). This consequently woke Connor up who also cried because he could go to sleep so the three of us ended up in (y/n) and I's bed cuddled in the sheets as both of my kids cried through the night. The only person I knew that could fix this situation besides (Y/n) was Gemma and after practically begging her and promising to not be a dick when she came she said yes to helping me out.

After giving up on trying to get the kids out of their pajamas, I grabbed them both in my arms and walked them downstairs to start on some breakfast. They seemed to have tired themselves out with all of their crying so for the time being, they sat down quietly in their respective chairs and munched on their cheerios. I had just finished up making some Oatmeal when the doorbell rang, signaling that Gemma had arrived.

"Mama" Connor mumbled as he rubbed his eyes.

"No baby not mama yet, but aunty Gemma came to visit. Should we go open the door?" I asked as he nodded excitedly.

I grabbed Becca out of her high chair and held Connor's hand as we made our way to the door. As soon as I opened it Connor sprinted into Gemma's arms in a fit of giggles. It was nice to hear him laugh after all the crying that had been going on these past couple of days. I gave Gemma a quick kiss on the cheek before letting her in and walking back into the kitchen.

"Looking a little rough there Har. When's the last time you shaved those whiskers on your lip" Gemma laughed as she grabbed Becca from my arms and held her.

"Shut it. I haven't slept in days. Feel like I'm losing my mind" I mumbled as I poured the oatmeal into two bowls.

"You want anything to eat? Can make some toast and scrambled eggs" I asked as Gemma shook her head.

"Mama mama" Becca mumbled as she clawed at Gemma's shirt.

"I might have boobs like mama but mine, unfortunately, can't give you what you want little one" Gemma replied back as I laughed.

"Lot's of missing mama this week from all of us. Have you gotten a chance to check in with mom yet? See how (y/n)'s doing? Didn't want to be annoying so I haven't called since the first day" I stated as I placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Connor and gave the other to Gemma to start feeding Becca.

"Mom said she's been okay. I think the fresh air is helping but her hormones are still all over. Mom said she was feeling a bit insecure about her size the other day but was starting to get better about it." Gemma replied as she fed Becca a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Insecure? She's pregnant. I think she's glowing. Nothing more beautiful than a pregnant lady" I said with a frown think about (Y/n).

"I know but Tracey always says that being the pregnant one is different. It feels like everyone's always watching you and now that she has twins she feels even bigger. One baby is bad enough but two of them with your big head inside at once can't be at all comfortable" Gemma said.

"I know but she's big because she has two of my babies and I think she looks breathtaking."

"Did you tell her that recently?" Gemma asked.

"Well... no ... maybe I- I think so" I mumbled as Gemma glared at me.

"I know I know I should have told her more often but I got busy and then Jeff kept calling and she'd kick me out of bed and-"

"Harry everything you just said is why (Y/n) needed a break. You hadn't been paying attention to her at all or the kids because you were so caught up in work. Now that you've realized that as a parent of two and two on the way you need to step it up because your wife can't do it by herself. You can't overwhelm yourself with work especially with the scare (Y/n) had a couple of weeks back."

"I know I know, but I don't know how to help her if she pushes me away" I replied back in frustration.

"Why don't you start by calling Jeff and canceling all those recording sessions you have planned. I know your job and your music is important but you need to put your family first and the health of your wife and your babies" Gemma stated as she wiped some oatmeal off of Becca's cheek.

"I already did! Once (Y/n) left I canceled all of the sessions and interviews and meetings that I couldn't do from home. Told Jeff that after this week I was officially going on a break until after the twins are born and we're all settled." I replied as I passed Connor a napkin for his sticky hands.

"Well did you tell (Y/n) or mom any of this cause (Y/n) is so stressed you'll miss the birth of the babies cause of your work!" Gemma said sternly as she looked at me.

"Bu-but why would she think I'd miss it! Haven't missed any of the births or her appointments?" I groaned.

"I think she's just scared. You were out of town when the bleeding started and she was an absolute wreck when I took her to the hospital. Doctors said they had to give her a sedative because she nearly had a panic attack in the ER and her blood pressure skyrocketed. Mom said she was panicking on the phone when she called her" Gemma replied as she bounced Becca up and down on her lap.

"Careful, she'll vomit. God, I wish I could just see (Y/n) but I don't want to make things worse"

"I think both of you suffered enough with this time apart so why don't you call mom and tell her you and these little rascals are coming up today. Once you called me I texted mom to let her know you'd probably make an appearance today" Gemma replied as she tickled Becca's tummy.

"You're right, I should. I'm going to call mom and let her know. Can you pack Becca a bag and maybe change her diaper?" I asked as I made my way to go find my phone upstairs.

"Bag, yes. Diaper, hell no" Gemma mumbled as I laughed.

                           -------------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) POV:

Today was a good day. You had managed to make it the entire morning without crying which is more than you can say for the other three days you had spent at Anne's house. It looked like you had finally managed to get your hormones under control and were even excited to spend the day in town with Anne. You had promised her that after moping around her house since you got there that you would spend today with her in town as long as you could stop to get one of those chocolate croissants Harry always brought from the bakery.

You waddled down the stairs in the navy blue Gucci dress Harry bought you for Christmas that cinched just above your belly, making you look all the more pregnant. You didn't necessarily like it the first couple of times you tried it on but every time you wore it Harry's face would light up with a smile and that was enough for you to wear it a bit more often.

"Good morning (Y/n), how did you sleep last night? Did the ice pack behind your neck help with the hot flashes?" Anne asked as she sipped her cup of coffee at the kitchen table.

"It was a miracle worker, first time in months that I haven't woken up in a puddle of my own sweat" you replied back as you gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and sat down next to her.

"I'm glad. I know you're not a tea drinker but can I get you some decaf or maybe some hot chocolate? I think I have some from the last time you guys were over" Anne replied as she got up to get her a mug.

"Hot chocolate sounds wonderful. I can make it though don't worry" you said as Anne waved you away and began taking out the chocolate mix.  

"So how are you feeling today? Better with the hormones and such?" Anne asked cautiously as she stirred the hot chocolate and placed it in front of you.

"I've gotten them under control for the most time, I usually only feel like crying when I to miss Harry and my other babies. Wish they could have come up for a bit but it's been nice to spend some time with you and away from the chaos."

"It's been very nice having you here and I can't wait to meet two more of my grandbabies. Speaking of Harry, he called me this morning?" Anne mumbled into her coffee.

"Is he ok? Are my babies ok? Is someone hurt?" You questioned with a jump.

"Everyone's fine don't worry. Just wanted to see how you were doing." Anne replied. You relaxed back into your seat knowing that everyone was ok at home.

"Thank god. I was worried about leaving them with Harry. He's a great dad, but they can be a handful especially if they tag team you with the crying. It's enough to pull your hair out" you mumble as Anne laughs.

"I can only imagine. Gemma was pretty calm as a child, but Harry was my little attention seeker, couldn't put him down without the tears starting"

"Becca's the same way. If you leave her alone more than a quick bathroom break she'll start screaming her head off. I miss them..." you stated as you grabbed a biscuit and shoved it in your mouth.

"Well a little birdy might have mentioned that someone special could be coming up later today" Anne mumbled trying to hide her grin behind her mug.

"What? What do you mean? Is Harry coming up here?!" You asked excitedly as you nearly drop your coffee mug on the floor.

Anne nodded as you crushed her into bear hug and placed a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you thank you" you whispered as you held her tight.

"It was all Gemma, dear. And besides, I think you both could really use it. From what I hear my grandkids aren't making it the easiest time. They should be here within the next half hour so why don't you go get dressed and I'll get the kids room all set up for them?" Anne replied as she carefully helped you stand and walked you up the stairs.

Once upstairs, you could help but let out a small squeal at the idea of finally seeing Harry and your kids again. It had only been a couple of days and even though you always love spending some girl time alone with Anne, it was time to see all of your babies (Harry included). You decided to take a quick shower before throwing on a coral pink wrap dress that cut off just above the knee. Just as you were putting on your sneakers (probably the most comfortable shoes you own tbh) Anne knocked on the door to tell you that Harry's car had just pulled into the drive way. You smiled and quickly finished tying your shoes before carefully, but quickly, made your way down the stairs and to the front door.

The sight in front of you was almost too much for you to handle. Connor stood at the side of the car staring at the birds playing the bird feeder. His foot pajamas were covered in what you could only assume was banana stains and the shoe laces on his Gucci sneakers were untied. Your husband stood with his back to you as he wrestled with the fussy one year old in the car street. His pajama pants were riding low on his hips and the white cotton t shirt he sometimes wears to bed had a large stain on his right shoulder, most likely from burping Becca. Just as you were about to approach your little family when suddenly you son came running towards you.

"Mama mama... I here" Connor called out as he hurled himself towards you.

"I see that baby! How are you? Were you good for dada?" You asked him as you carefully lifted him up in your arms and nodded his head.

"I good mama. I good" he stated enthusiastically as you placed a kiss to his cheek.

"How is my favorite grandbaby boy doing? Come with me so your mommy can go help daddy with Becca" Anne stated as Connor all but launched himself at his grandma with a squeal.

You gave Anne a smile before walking over to Harry. You tapped on his shoulder and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he carefully turned around to see you. The weeks could be seen right on his face. His hair was shooting out every which way, a curl follow over his eyes every now and then. There was also a slight hint of stubble across his chin which you knew only appeared after he had gone a couple of days without shaving. The stain on the shoulder of his pajama shirt wasn't the only one on his shirt as you saw a couple splatters of green which you could only assume was peas. He was mess all over, but he was your mess. He gave you the soft smile that you fell in love with all those years ago and you practically tumbled into his arms.

"Hello my love" he mumbled into your hair as he brushed a strand of it behind your ear while rubbing his other hand up and down your back.

"Hi H" you whispered as tears began to prick your eyes.

"I missed you so much, the kids and I were a mess without you but I hope you got to relax a bit" Harry whispered into your ear.

"It was nice, but I missed you all a lot. I hope they weren't to much trouble" you mumbled into his neck.

"Let's just say it's a miracle we didn't get a noise complaint from all of the crying but we survived... barely." Harry replied as you laughed.

The two of you stood there for a bit before you began to hear your daughter's soft whines coming from the open car door. You carefully detached yourself from Harry and made your way to your daughter who sat in her car seat, eyes wide looking at the two of you.

"Hello baby. How is my precious girl doing? Did you make daddy's life difficult?" you mumbled in a baby voice as you picked her up from her car seat and cradled her into your neck.

She let out a soft whine before snuggling into your chest and closing her eyes again.

"All she needed was her mama" Harry replied as he wrapped his arms around you from behind and placed a kiss to your temple.

"All I needed was you" you whispered back as you placed a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you (Y/n)"

"I love you too, H"

[purplebass]

Hanging On // Thomastair AU

#5 and last Celebratory Fic! It was meant to be something else, but then I didn't finish and I thought this one would be better. You'd probably get the other fic sooner or later, as well as the other requests you may have sent me during these last few months. I had the idea for this Thomastair AU while watching this ambience video. Perhaps you could watch it while you read, use it as bg music. lol. Like the title said, this is a Thomastair coffee shop AU with Eugenia, because I've wanted to write something with her in it. Enjoy!

Characters: Thomas Lightwood, Alastair Carstairs, Eugenia Lightwood Words: 1637

Thomas stared at the early evening crowd of the coffee shop where he worked part-time and sighed. He liked his job, and not just because his parents owned the place and entrusted him and his sister Eugenia to run it. There was something about coffee-making and cake-serving that fascinated him. Perhaps the faces people made once they got their orders or the simple fact of interacting with them, even if they just told him what they wanted. Not everyone was open to conversation, so Thomas mostly observed the clients. He saw a different array of expressions everyday. Relief. Despair. Pain. Joy. There was someone who even cried while sipping their hot chocolate once. It wasn’t the chocolate’s fault.

The coffee shop where Thomas worked was mostly frequented by university students. People around his age who had decided to go on with their studies instead of hunting for a job. He was interested in following some paths, but didn’t feel like enrolling into any institute to pursue his interests, at least for the moment. He was happy making other people feel better for now.

“The coffee won’t make itself, Thomas,” his older sister Eugenia said, serving a brunette at the far end of the table.

He hated when his sister rushed him, but then again he had been distracted for a while. “Coming,” he replied with a sigh, and gave a professor his order.

It was Friday, which meant that it wasn’t just the last day of classes for students, but also their karaoke night. It wouldn’t start until eight, and some small groups of people were already tucking their notebooks away and gathering to order their dinners before their tone-deaf singing session at Thomas’ expense. Eugenia might not know that, but Thomas didn’t ask to have the 6pm-10pm shift because he was crazy. She told him that only someone who didn’t value his free time could choose that shift, because people got very excited when they sang karaoke together.

“What is going on?” Eugenia asked, shaking Thomas from his thoughts.

He was staring at the door and he probably hadn’t heard her. “Nothing is going, sister. Nothing,” he repeated, and used that as an excuse to go to the bathroom before rush hour.

He didn’t want to tell his sister that he had been waiting for someone to show up, and that person was late. Well, he didn’t know if he was late, but he was usually there to eat dinner around that hour, and he hadn’t showed up yet. Thomas bit his lip. Perhaps he had a date. An exam. Something that prevented him from coming. He knew he was overthinking. His sister was right, there was something going on, and he needed to take care of it. He should have kept distractions to a minimum while he worked, unless he wanted Eugenia to tell their parents that he wasn’t doing his duty the way they expected him to.

Thomas shook his head, hitting someone along the way because he wasn’t paying attention due to his overthinking. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. He was about to gasp, because the person he had bumped into was exactly the one he had been waiting for.

“You should watch where you’re going, giant,” the guy said, locking his ebony colored eyes with Thomas. He was frowning, but then again, what was new? He always frowned. That dark haired man was one of those people who no matter how many coffee drank, they always seemed defeated. As if not even that could help their mood. Perhaps the guy was someone whose coffee made him more nervous. Maybe he was a tea guy. No, he likes black coffee, Thomas. And you know it. It’s not the coffee’s fault if it doesn’t lift his mood.

Thomas wanted to say something, anything to keep the conversation going, but he couldn’t find the words, so the handsome stranger walked away, leaving him there with his heart thumping and two flushed cheeks.

Thomas knew that his heart would thunder in his chest when the stranger would go on stage and sing a song. For whom, he didn’t know, since he was often by himself typing away on his laptop until the shop’s crowd would thin and he would leave. What he did know was that the guy’s voice was amazing, that he couldn’t stop staring whenever he went on stage. Why was nobody listening to him? Tonight, though, while groups of two or more students went on singing random hits and wouldn’t leave the mic to someone who could actually sing, the guy stayed focused on his computer.

“Alright, I’m going home,” Eugenia announced at some point. Good thing he had been waiting for her, otherwise she would have found him staring and he didn’t want to answer any question she might ask. Not yet. “Will you be okay closing the place by yourself?”

Thomas, who had been doing it for weeks, just shrugged. “For the millionth time, Eugenia, yes,” he glanced at the tables, seeing movement in the direction of the area where the guy was sitting.

“Hey, don’t get angry, little brother,” she got closer to him, just as the guy stood up and got the mic from the last improvised singer.

“I’m not angry, just tired,” Thomas said a little bluntly, his eyes already set on the stranger as the song he chose to sing started playing.

“He’s good,” he heard Eugenia whisper to him. “I didn’t think he knew how to sing.”

“Do you know him?” he wondered with interest.

Eugenia raised an eyebrow, already trying to make up the reason why Thomas had asked. “I don’t, personally. But our sister Barbara does. He’s an International Relations student named Alastair, or at least that’s what she told me the last time she was here and he was too.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Thomas, for real. Why do you want to know?”

Thomas was thankful that the lights were dimmed, otherwise his sister would have caught his flushed cheeks. “Can’t I be curious? It’s not like I’ve asked you the secret formula for Coke, sister.”

Eugenia nodded with a smirk plastered on her face. “Do you want me to introduce him to you?” she offered, and Thomas stilled.

“What, no,” he said, trying to seem as disinterested as possible.

His sister shrugged, then she walked away. In the meantime they were talking, the guy had already sung his piece and sat back down at his lonely table.

Thomas glanced at his wristwatch. There was still one hour before the place would close, maybe he would sing another song? Nope. He just ate in silence as he checked things on his laptop and occasionally typed other things from a notebook by his side, which was his only companion. The clock soon signaled that it was a little past 10, and after the last group of customers had left, Alastair was the only one left in the room. Had he lost track of time? Because he seemed unbothered. Thomas believed that was the universe giving him a chance to talk to him, but he still waited half an hour before doing that. Silly.

He took one big breath of encouragement and walked to the table. You can do it. “I’m sorry, but we are closing. You must leave.”

Alastair’s hands halted on the keyboard, and he looked up. “For a person so imposing, you have the bad habit of saying sorry too much.”

“What’s wrong with saying sorry?”

“Absolutely nothing. But I’m not sorry for staying here past the service hours,” he replied with what Thomas thought was hostility. “I’m finishing a paper, can’t you wait a little more?”

Thomas frowned. “I’m sorry,” he said again, then bit his lip in frustration. “But I have to close the shop and go home.” What was he doing? Why wasn’t he saying that he didn’t mind if he stayed more? Ah, yes. Embarrassment. But also determination. He didn’t know this person, and even if he liked him, he couldn’t make an exception for anybody. Right?

Alastair started to laugh, and Thomas was puzzled. “It’s the first time I’ve seen you laugh,” Thomas said before the other could say anything.

Alastair’s eyes widened in surprise. “It’s the first time I had the guts to talk to you,” he replied, then started packing his things in his black laptop bag.

Thomas started sweating. He didn’t expect it. “Me too,” he said. There was an imperceptible stop in Alastair’s movements, as if he had been caught off guard just like he was.

“I was joking,” he told him, rising from his chair, and Thomas froze. “About finishing the paper, I mean,” he added, and Thomas didn’t hide the relief he felt at the admission. “I just wanted to talk to you. I’ve been wanting to do it for several weeks, Thomas.”

“You know how to sing, Alastair,” Thomas said, wondering how he knew his name. But it was fair, he also knew his name through third parties. He registered Alastair’s shock. “What do you say we meet tomorrow after my shift and we talk more?”

“I thought you would never ask,” he answered.

“I thought you would never agree,” he countered.

If only I talked to him sooner, Thomas thought, as he and Alastair exited the coffee shop. It was okay, the ice was broken now. He finally had the guts to interact with him, and he thought that the evening shift was totally worth it, unlike what Eugenia may think.

Taglist (if you want to be added or removed, send me a PM): @princesslucinda @kit-12 @immortal-enemies @lucian-evander @esa-emery @danieldyers @blackthorn-trash @rinadragomir @fortunesandfables @itsdaughterofthemoon @silvenys@thomastair3 @livvyheronstairs @ holding-infinity-and-a-book @lovelaces @axoloteca @autumnangel20 @cordelia-cardale @lucie-blackthorns @thephcastcouldsteponme-please

[dumpsiteforfics]

Las Vegas, Baby!

Rating: PG-13 for this chapter.

Genre: Fluff, romance

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Spencer Reid

Warnings: slight mention of rape and murder! Only once, no graphical description!

Summary: This is from my Model au! This is two part story. Wait for part 2. ☺️ It's just something fluffy and cute. Just a reason to write these two together!

If you have a background idea about this au, you might be aware that I have used Spencer as model instead of Lila archer and Aaron is the agent who is gone on Spencer! Team comprised of Gideon, rossi, Hotch, Morgan and Garcia at that time!

You can check all my model au musings for more information -> 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 . Please ignore the typos and grammatical mistakes, English is difficult lmao!! Hope you enjoy! ❤️

"Okay everyone, we have a few hours till we reach Vegas, so get some shut eye if you need because we will start working until we find this unsub once we touch down!" Aaron ordered the team. Everyone agreed quickly as Aaron stood up to take his corner seat where he could spread out the files again. As he started looking into the files, making notes of some of the points they had already discussed, the team including Garcia who was still on the video call were talking quietly about lighter things before parting.

"So chocolate thunder, I hope you won't have too much fun without me over there. I'm so jealous that you are in Vegas after so long and I'm not even there!"

Morgan chuckled at Garcia's frustration, "I know baby girl! It's not everyday that we get a case in a city like Vegas! When was the last time we came for a case? Do you remember?" He mused out loud.

Rossi who was just listening to their talk quietly answered, "I think it was when we were helping with that stalker case of that gorgeous kid! What was his name again, Aaron?"

Morgan bit his lips to stop a chuckle passing through as they all watched minute change in their boss's posture. His back stiffened lightly and he frowned deeply before shooting a glare to Rossi as he replied, "Spencer Reid I believe."

Before Rossi could ask something more, Garcia gushed, "Oh God yes!! How did I forget!!! He was so gorgeous and sexy and he was such a cute little rabbit!! I wish I could have had a chance to meet him, you guys were so lucky to have met him!"

Emily and JJ were the only ones at this point who seemed to be out of loop and after watching Garcia's reaction they couldn't ignore asking anymore.

"Okay, holdup Penelope, what's going on? " It was Emily who finally asked her.

"Ohhh he is this gorgeous baby model! He is pretty much famous now but at that time he was being stalked by his obsessed best friend. And BAU was involved. This was back when Gideon was still on team and our fearless leader here was Spencer's security detail! " And then Garcia's voice turned into a hushed (still a bit loud) whisper as she continued, "Bossman's photo with the model was on the front page of all fashion magazines. They created quite a buzz around as well!"

"Okay that's enough!! Everybody go to sleep or I can give you work to do right now, choose wisely!" Hotch ordered, looking pointedly at every single one of them and within a second Garcia bid goodbye, disconnecting the call quickly!

Everyone else just shared a knowing glance with each other before dispersing to their preferred seats all over the plane!

It was going to be a long case, Aaron thought!!

***†***

The team soon forgot all about this supposed model who seemed to be a somewhat touchy subject for their boss. As they reached the LVPD, they were quickly immersed in the work, giving all of their focus to the case as it should be!

It was a bad case, of course all the cases are bad, but there are always some cases who suck everything good out of them, and this was one of those! Closeted teenagers being raped and murdered and the only good thing about it all was that the LEOs were helpful instead of hindering the investigation, without their full support the case would've taken a lot longer.

They were supposed to be flying out that night but the Jet was not in a good condition and their pilot told them that they will most likely be able to fly the next night! Though they would've loved going home as soon as they can, spending a night in Vegas didn't seem like such a bad option.

The team was talking about where they should have dinner and how they should spend the night, considering they didn't have any work and it was as good as vacation! Aaron was in a separate corner talking to someone on the phone and they all just thought he was talking to Strauss, giving her idea about the case and the delay!

As he came back, the team had already decided on a few options, so Rossi put a hand on Aaron's shoulder before saying, "Aaron, we are thinking of hitting this really nice restaurant for dinner, my treat, we deserve it after this long case!"

Surprisingly Aaron shook his head, he waited for a second to choose his words carefully before explaining the reason. "I'm sorry I won't be joining you all tonight! I have dinner plans already with someone else, we will meet tomorrow at the airport when the plane is ready to takeoff! "

Everyone was quite! This was probably the first time they have heard Aaron Hotchner having plans other than work and spending time with the team! He looked cute trying to look stern so no one would ask him questions, but well Rossi was never the one to shut his mouth when Hotch needed it.

"Does it involve certain model with curly hair, bambi eyes and smile to die for?" He asked, like a little shit he was!

But tonight seemed to be a night of surprises because instead of receiving a well placed glare, all they received was a rare dimpled smile which made almost everyone pause their breathing for a second, because yeah it was that gorgeous!

"Well that's for me to know and you to never find out!" Aaron replied, still smiling, before he left them.

They just looked at each other, not really sure if that really happened, but then Morgan whistled, "He is so fucking meeting that boy!!! I knew it! Penelope is going to love this gossip!"

There was still so much about their boss that they weren't aware of!!

***†***

As soon as Aaron rang the bell, Spencer was there opening the door with huge smile! Before Aaron could even place his bags down, he was enveloped in a bear hug by none other than The Spencer Reid, model, actor and his boyfriend!

"I didn't think you'd really come! God!! You are here, you are really here!! Shit, let me see you!" Spencer pulled away, his hands immediately cupping Aaron's face, those eyes almost a bit teary and Aaron felt his heart breaking a little bit! Both of their jobs required a lot of their time and they had to travel constantly. And with the amount of work they both had, they weren't able to spend a lot of time together at all! They both travelled back and forth whenever they got the free time in their schedule, but currently Spencer was working in a movie and he had been so busy with the work that they were not able to meet for more than six months.

Spencer pulled away before taking him inside the house, inside his bedroom. And Aaron kept his bags in their designated place before going to take shower. He would have really liked to have Spencer with him in there but from the looks of it, he had already showered.

So he focused on taking a quick shower, feeling better already in the close existence of his love as the hot water started to relax his tired and aching muscles. He dried his body quickly, snapping one towel around his waist as he came out of the bathroom, drying his head with other towel.

But then it was snatched away by clever fingers and he was pushed on the bed, sitting at the end of it before that lithe body he loved so much was sitting across his lap! Spencer straddled him, before starting to dry his head with the towel he snatched earlier. Aaron hummed as he felt Spencer throwing away the towel after a few minutes before raking his long fingers through his locks. He knew how soothing it was for Aaron, and it helped in melting away those last few evidences of the tension he still had.

He wanted to kiss his boyfriend, preferably 10 minutes ago, but they had a silent agreement. If he kisses now, they won't have a dinner, and he very much wanted to have that dinner with his boyfriend, he wanted to listen to his rants, he wanted to feed him few bites, play a little game of footsie just to make his boyfriend giggle childishly and then when they are full, then he will kiss him! Small, butterfly kisses at first and then they will get heavier and then they will start touching each other and that time they won't have to stop in the middle of it for anything. Because then they'll have only one purpose, to feed the hunger their bodies felt these past few months, and relearn each other's bodies, love those spots and crooks and valleys all over again, and intertwine as one to not part again for little while.

They'll do all of that, soon, but first dinner!!

[goth-albino-angel]

Yugiri's smile is everything. She has so many of them and they all mean different things. When she's relaxed, when she's excited, when she's confused, when she has no clue what's going on but everyone else is happy so she's happy, when she's relieved, when she's proud... She has so many different smiles and if Tumblr didn't have the 10 image rules, I would absolutely gush about every single one of them in detail. Unfortunately, if I do that, all of those posts will probably be eaten out of the tag, so instead, here are my top 10 favorite Yugiri smiles so far, images included. (Pre-Revenge episode 9)

10. Season One, Episode 2: The First Smile/ 9. Season One, Episode 10: The Sentimental Smile

Episode 2 is the first time we ever see Yugiri smile. Before this, she seemed relatively nonplussed or generally disinterested in pretty much everything going on. Even though she was in a different time period with complete strangers and a madman demanding her to be something she has no knowledge of, she was fairly calm. Then the first time we see her smile, it's when she sees something completely familiar. Her own face. Not only that, but she directs that smile toward the character that is going to become basically her little sister. The first one means so much and it's so important.

Within the same vein, her smile to Kotaro in episode 10 is one during an emotionally heavy moment. It's the first time he's hit an actual snag in his plans. Sakura's singular focus on the Arpino show rather than on the bigger picture of the group as a whole would have been a massive roadblock had she not realized her mistake.

Yugiri is the only one who properly realizes the reason they were sent into the mountains in the first place. Instead of simply sitting on the information, she's proactive about it and actually goes to discuss the problem with Kotaro. She wants to understand his reasoning so that she might be able to help him. And when she turns toward him, she also gives him the observations she's witnessed throughout her new life. This smile may be low on my list of favorites, but it's still unbelievably important.

...Also, when they released the preview image of this smile, my brain short-circuited for ten minutes, so it had to make it onto the list regardless.

8. Season Two, Episode One: The Professional Smile

This smile isn't much out of the ordinary for what we've come to expect of Yugiri, but it's on here because this was our first look at Yugiri after basically two years of very little. None of us knew how the group would come back, how the writing team had incorporated the unexpected pandemic, how things would play out, or what would be happening. The Promo showed Tae's hand flying off to knock off Sakura's head, but as 2018 displayed, the promos can't always be trusted. This showed that, even in this new world where she's only been awake for a year, she's putting her skills to use and working just as hard as the others. Thanks to the conversation from Episode 10 of the first season, we know she was trained as a geisha which would make service work much easier than it would be for the other girls.

I don't have too much to say on this one, to be honest. I do like that she's in softer lighting, as opposed to the others who were all surrounded by harsh lighting on their season two introductions. The softer lighting lends itself well to the lack of pigment and coloration in the girls' makeup, allowing Yugiri to look like she has some color, even if she still looks somewhat pale and tired. It doesn't give her quite the same sickly look the others have at their jobs. The red dress? 100/10. Perfect decision.

7. Season One, Episode Five: The Proud Smile

SHE. DOES. GYMNASTICS. She has every right to this smile! I did the math for this specific part of the episode and Yugiri got third place. The judges liked her rope aerobics so much, they shot her all the way to third place even though her distance was zero meters. It wouldn't have gotten her interviewed, but it would have at least put Franchouchou at the forefront. I still applaud Tae snagging first place, but Yugiri deserves some praise. She really did go face first into the mud on a bike and said, "Never again." She's so proud of herself. I'll be gushing about the actual gymnastics part in a different post a little later, too, but she definitely deserves to be proud of herself. I'm really gay...

6. Season One, Episode Four: The Cute Smile

Originally, this was just going to be me doing some keysmash version of a squeal or something, but there's something I'd like to draw attention to. I'm pretty sure that, by this point, Franchouchou only knows two songs. Yomigaere, which was supposed to be performed in episode 2, and Mezame Returner, which is what's being performed here. Of these two, Yugiri has more experience with this one, but from what the audience had been shown, it wasn't good experience.

Memorizing the lyrics would have been the easy part for her. It's that a good portion of the dance practice was also spent helping Lily get the steps down and potentially calming her frustrations. Then the performance itself would have been a complete disaster if Junko and Ai hadn't gotten over themselves at the last minute to finally help.

This is the first successful performance of Mezame Returner we're witnessing and it's clear the group's had more practice since then. You can see how excited and happy Yugiri is here because this one is actually going well. They had a bit more time to prepare, the two lead roles were actually involved this time, and the audience also was clearly enjoying the performance. She's so happy and it's just so heart-warming to see. Yes, even with the CGI. Don't @ me, she looks adorable.

5. Season One, Episode Seven: The Sassy Smile

This one also was just going to be a squealing keysmash thing, but again, I have something to point out. Look how much more confident she is now that Junko and Ai have, once again, gotten over themselves. Yugiri sees the effect that Junko stepping in had on the others and just like the rest of the group, her movements are more relaxed and free.

It's more obvious, actually, if you look at the way the other girls are moving directly after Junko helps Ai up in comparison to how Yugiri is moving. She did a spin while waiting for Sakura and Lily to finish their segment, and she could be cheeky during her own. She sensed that the tension had mostly dissolved and because of that, she allowed herself to relax and could properly throw herself into the performance. When she throws out this smile and wink, it's not actually directed at the audience. It's Yugiri telling the others that they've got this without breaking the performance.

4. Season Two, Episode Four: The Gentle Smiles

I put both of these here because Yugiri's just... so... caring? So much of what she does is passive that you don't realize just how much work she puts into relieving the stress from the other girls until long after the problem has been resolved.

In the first, she's speaking to Sakura. No doubt, Yugiri probably noticed how worried Sakura was about Junko. Even though Sakura was trying not to let the others catch on just how anxious she really was, Yugiri still knew that something was bothering Sakura as well as Junko. Yugiri knew that the key to easing Junko's mind lay in placating Sakura first. She's seen what happens to them all when they fall apart and she wants to avoid that at all costs. So, Yugiri lifts Sakura's spirits and gives her back the fire and determination to make a great performance.

In the second, Yugiri is watching Junko eat. Unlike the others, it's clear Yugiri knows that Junko is in much higher spirits than when last they saw her. Junko would likely have still been a stuttering, quivering mess otherwise, but she wasn't stuttering and her actions were purposeful and self-assured. Yugiri is very observant. She would have caught on that something had happened to make Junko feel better. What makes this smile even better is that she's not the least bit disappointed. The reason she made dinner was to help Junko, but she doesn't view the meal as a waste of time. She's so focused on other people, that she's happy Junko is feeling better at all and even offers her different platters to help keep her mood up.

These are high on the list for two reasons. One, they're a show of just how much Yugiri does for her girls. Two, YUGIRI COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS HEADCANON CONFIRMED BITCHEEEESSS!!! I GOT ONE RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!

3. Season Two, Episode Six: The Affectionate Smile

I will be completely honest, I have no idea why this one is as high as it is. I admit, I did spend three hours replaying this single thirty second scene because it's really sweet and Yugiri and Tae don't interact very often, so seeing Yugiri not only be worried for Tae, but also be immediately reassured that Tae would be fine was just something my heart didn't know it needed until it had it. The sheer level of affection Yugiri shows toward Tae is too adorable. Especially since Yugiri usually only has moments like those with Sakura and, to a lesser extent, Lily. This smile's really cute, it's in the middle of a wholesome scene, and it made me love both Yugiri and Tae that much more.

2. Season One, Episode Three: The Excited Smile

Once again, an entry that was going to be a simple squealing keysmash until I realized there was something to point out here as well. This is the first smile we ever see from Yugiri that's genuinely enthusiastic. She has plenty of them, especially during her performances, but this is our first time seeing her fully incorporate herself into the group as an actual member and actually look excited to do something with the others. This was an omen of adorable things to come and damn did it deliver.

Honorable Mentions.

I'm only going to touch on each of these briefly because to be honest, there are a LOT of smiles I could've picked.

The first one is from episode 6 when the group is talking about their very first meet-and-greet. Lily asks Yugiri if she's keeping up okay, and Yugiri remarks that she's taking things as they come. This was a small look into the kind of character she is. As I mentioned before, she's very passive in the way she operates, but that's to the benefit of those she cares for. This is her admitting that she doesn't want to be a problem and it's just sweet that even though Lily is worried about her, Yugiri's still highkey thinking about everyone else.

To the right is a shot of Yugiri during Electric Returner. This one is just the squealing keysmash because she looks so genuinely ecstatic, it's contagious. She's NO DAMN CLUE what happened or why they sound so different, but she is absolutely living her best second life.

The next shot comes from the beginning of Yomigaere and is somewhat of a repeat of the above. She's excited to perform for such a big crowd, she's glad Sakura finally agreed to actually participate, and she's living her best second life. Whoever animates Yugiri's CG model? I love you. I want to send you a gift basket. She's always so happy during performances.

Then comes her smile after the group finds out Sakura's memories are back. She's just glad Sakura, her Sakura, has come back to them, that she accepts her crap luck and is still willing to stay. For Yugiri, this goes under the list of Best Possible Outcomes. Her family is whole again and she's so relieved.

Last in the top row is the first full frontal shot we get of Yugiri in the Saga Jihen music video. She's so unbelievably adorable here. I wish I could've gotten her first expression, but the curtain was still rising and without photoshop, I'm not editing an image to the degree needed to get her whole face lightened. Point is, she's cute and everyone deserves to see her adorable face on the first song she got to be center for.

First on the bottom row is Yugiri looking apologetic from episode 8 of Revenge. She's so cute. It was an honest mistake and she had no way of knowing the paper belonged to Kiichi. No doubt, that was probably why she offered to help him rewrite them later.

Next is how cute she looks in big sister mode. She's wiping the mud from Kiichi's cheeks and is taking such care with him. Throughout the entire episode, she treats him like a little kid and it's likely because her role was big sister for so long that she doesn't know how not to treat him that way. It really does shed light on just how kind she is to everyone, though, that she doesn't even think about her dirty kimono and focuses on cleaning him up a little first.

Then we have her smiling at Kiichi as she remarks on how beautiful his dream of reviving Saga is. She even says she hopes it comes true. His dream means something to her. She can't even fully see it, he can't even fully see it, but they don't need to. What Itou didn't understand this whole time is something Yugiri understood immediately just from listening to Kiichi talk. They don't need to see it in their minds, all they need is to feel it in their hearts, and that's something Yugiri knows.

And lastly on the honorable mentions, because this post is already super long, Yugiri smiling while she's cooking for her guests. It was a tossup between this or the pinwheel because it's just really nice that Yugiri can simply enjoy mundane things. I chose this one because it's a direct contrast to how she was at the beginning. Before, she ate with a disinterested expression, but now, she's cooking for guests rather than just for herself. The lift in her mood is obvious, and it's something so small but so heartwarming, I couldn't resist.

I would've put the pinwheel moment anyway, but unfortunately, as a com major, formatting and design are everything and an extra picture on the top or bottom without a balancer would've thrown the whole thing off. Maybe next time.

NOW FOR NUMBER ONE

1. Season Two, Episode Eight: The Softest Smile

This should have been expected. There's something genuinely touching about the fact that Yugiri really does give her everything, even to complete strangers. These girls barely know her, everyone in town barely knows her, but because her dance students suggested Yugiri go out and actually experience, Yugiri gives it actual thought. She doesn't dismiss them, she doesn't deride them, she doesn't make them feel foolish or anything like that. She treats their suggestion the same way she would if it had come from a close friend. And she does actually take them up on it.

Later, we see her come into contact with Kiichi to demonstrate that even full-on strangers aren't exempt from her kind heart, but this means more. All we know is that these girls take Yugiri's dance class, and from the way they speak when we first meet them, it's clear Yugiri has a professional wall between herself and those she instructs. But she still treats them as she would the girls back in Shimabara. It's proof that, even in the past, Yugiri really was just as kind-hearted as in the present. It's a show don't tell kind of thing that just speaks so deeply to the writer in me. I love this smile. It's everything. Her smiles are everything. She's everything.