#my new apartment doesnt really feel like home but.... ive only been here 2 days and both were full of me just moving shit

[altruistic-meme]

i feel like i SHOULDN'T be crying after moving, right? like. it was 100% by choice. i was fully aware today would be my last day with the keys. i could've stopped it and chose not to.

but idk. that was my FIRST EVER apartment. and actually my first time ever MOVING was into that apartment. and my first time living alone. and im just. idk. i guess im allowed to be sad about it, right? it just seems kinda silly. idk.

[simpsiren]

about the roommate

park seonghwa x reader

main masterlist

description. you talk about your weird relationship with the roommate you’ve been with for so long yet still dont know much about

genre. roommates au, fluff, seonghwa hinting at reader that they like them

warnings. nonee

a/n. hihii so i wanted to try writing for ateez since ive been doing a lot of nct ff already. its my first time so i doubt that it’ll be accurate but i got the idea from this post by @darling-akaashi so i hope it will be decent. i never thought that it would be this long but oh well HAHA enjoyy :D

how did you even become roommates with someone like him? you dont even know. all you knew was that you were finding someone to share the apartment rent with and it just so happens that your friend at college, wooyoung, has a friend who was looking for an apartment.

and now here you are. a year and a half of sharing an apartment with seonghwa yet the two of you are in your separate rooms. the only interaction you ever made today was at breakfast where seonghwa cooked for you scrambled eggs and toasted bread.

there’s wasn’t much you knew about him at first. but as you slowly but surely try to accomplish your mission of getting to know seonghwa (since you didn’t like being awkward with people all the time), you start to learn a thing or two about him.

you were glad that after a year and a half of staying with him, you got to know more about him, despite the fact that the interaction between the two of you still needed some work.

[ONE] : he’s a clean freak.

you were feeling tired from a long day of school and all you thought of doing while walking home was to sit on the couch and resume your anime marathon.

you unlock your door to find seonghwa mopping the floor. you nod your head slowly as you close the door and take off your shoes before taking any step further.

“didnt you mop the floor yesterday?” you ask, placing your keys on the kitchen counter along with your bag on the chair of the dining table.

“yeah.” was all you heard from seonghwa as you pour yourself a glass of grape juice. “you dont have to mop again-“

“its a habit.” seonghwa replies simply. with your cup in hand, you make your way to the living room, where seonghwa is currently mopping. you take a seat on the couch and grab the controller to turn on the tv. “hey wanna watch attack on titans with me?” seonghwa was mopping the floor in between the couch you’re sitting on and the coffee table and stops in front of you, raising an eyebrow.

“i dont watch anime?” you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “come on its fun! stop your cleaning and at least watch one episode.” you grab seonghwa’s arm and pull him down to sit next to you, making him flinch a little and quickly placing the mop beside the couch.

“how am i suppose to watch when i dont know what happened before?” you roll your eyes.

“if you find this episode good then you can watch it from the start in your free time.”

seonghwa sighs and and stands up, walking away to keep the mop before taking a seat beside you again and getting comfortable. “this better be worth it. im suppose to clean the toilet right now.”

“that can wait.” you nudge your arm into his chest, making him let out another long sigh before watching the show silently.

[ONE.2]

it was a saturday morning as you went to sleep at 4am. hence, making you wake up at 11am in the morning. however, you have always been laying around in your bed for about an hour or so before getting out of your room. when the clock striked 12, you thought that it would be a good idea to get out of your room and have lunch. gathering up all your energy, you brought yourself out of bed and lazily walk out of your room.

as you walked down the hallway, the first thing you saw was seonghwa cleaning the counter top of the kitchen. you clicked your tongue and walked over to where seonghwa was.

“did you make lunch yet?”

seonghwa looks up at you and shakes his head. “its a saturday so im spring cleaning the house.” you rolled your eyes and shake your head.

“you do that every single day!” you whine. seonghwa raises his eyebrow. “i like to keep the house neat unlike you.” you let out a soft ‘tsk’.

you have to admit, you were not a clean person at all. the only reason why the apartment is clean is because of seonghwa’s habit of being well organised and meticulous. basically everything in the apartment but your room is squeaky clean. although you see seonghwa staring at your room and looked like he’s holding back the strong urge to clean it for you, he doesn’t really do anything about the fact that you are the complete opposite of him. you dont know why but you only shrug it off.

“ill help you today, alright? then you can quickly cook something up for us. im hella hungry right now.”

seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and scoffs with a slight smile. you furrow your eyebrows and frown. “what’s that face for, huh?”

“this is the first time you offered to help. id say thank you but i know you’re only doing it because we both know im the only one that can cook.” seonghwa says confidently. you purse your lips and nodded your head.

“you’re right. but i’ll still help. so, what should i do?” seonghwa tosses the cloth that he was using to clean the kitchen counter. you took a step back as you quickly got a hold of it.

“wash it and wipe the bookshelf.” you let out a long sigh before flashing him a bright smile and headed over to the bookshelf. while you were wiping the sides of the bookshelf, you could have sworn that you saw seonghwa looking at you with a smile and a light blush of pink on his cheeks. you pretended not to notice though, and shrug it off.

[TWO] : he’s a great cook.

you still remember the first day you came to the apartment. the first thing you see your new roommate doing was cleaning. like intense cleaning. it was late at night and you didn’t bother to even greet the stranger since you felt awkward and wanted to rest for the night.

however, at about two in the morning, you were laying down in your room when you felt the need to have a night snack. you stepped out of your room and went to the kitchen. the whole apartment was dark except for the dimly lit lamp at the kitchen. you jumped a little when you hear seonghwa’s voice coming from the living room.

“y/n?” you turn around to see seonghwa chilling on the couch with his phone. the living room was completely dark and you could only see his face from the light illuminating from his phone.

“i was just getting a snack to eat.” you said as you opened the fridge to look for something to eat. unfortunately, there wasnt anything that looked like it would fill your midnight appetite. you hear seonghwa standing up from the couch at the back and walking towards you. you tilted your head to the back and see seonghwa standing behinf you. you tale a step back.

“i can cook something if you want.”

“no no its fine i just need a simple snack.” seonghwa kept quiet for a moment as you went back to the fridge to look for food again, as if something might magically pop up. but of course nothing did.

“well i didnt think of getting any snacks when i moved in. ill make something.” seonghwa walks over to the fridge and nudges your arm, making you move to the kitcen counter and leaning your hip against it as you watch seonghwa get to work.

you were looking through your phone, distracted when you heard the noise of two bowls being olaced on the table. you lift your head up and noticed that seonghwa made yoghurt with cherries and raspberries. it wasnt your idea of a midnight snack but at this point, anything could go in your stomach.

“thanks.” you whisper softly as you drag the bowl near to you. seonghwa only hums in response as the two of you take a bite at the same time. your mouth gapes open as your head slowly tilts up from your bowl to look at seonghwa. he was casually eating when his raises an eyebrow at your weird expression.

“how.. how does this taste so good? what did you do it? did you poison it?!” seonghwa blinks at you a few times and shakes his head slowly. your forehead creases as you look at him suspiciously. “i never really liked yoghurt but holy shit.” you quickly take another bite.

“i think you’re just hungry. it tastes fine to me.” seonghwa says in a monotoned lazy manner and grabs the bowl and taking a seat at the dining table. you purse your lips into a straight line and grab your bowl as well and walking down the hallway to your room. before you open your door to go in, you quickly turn your head to the dining table.

“thanks for the yoghurt! ill wash the bowl later.” seonghwa doesnt react, keeping his eyes on his phone. you gave a weird look before heading inside. you sigh.

he’s going to be hard to talk to.

[TWO.2]

“its your birthday, right?” your jumped in your seat when seonghwa suddenly appeared beside you on the couch. “uhuh.. how’d you know?” you say softly, nodding your head.

“wooyoung told me. lll make you a cake or something. anything you want to eat?” you blink at him a few times, your mouth still gaping open as you were shocked about a few things. 1. he talking to you in a more open matter and 2. he actually want to make you something for your birthday.

“make me mac and cheese, please! i love the way you cook it!” you smiled brightly. seonghwa smiled back and coughed, only to return to his monotoned face. you laugh softly. you found it cute somehow.

“i wouldn’t have allowed it since its unhealthy but since its your birthday-”

“thank you!” you leaned in to hug seonghwa. the didnt hug you back, so you quickly pulled away. you noticed him blushing again, this time it was more obvious. you shook it off, despite knowing you felt butterflies in your stomach. “ill go out to get groceries then.” seonghwa stands up from the couch and heads inside his room to get ready.

you smiled to yourself constantly as you waited for seonghwa to finish making the mac and cheese. you sigh in satisfaction as the smell of the delicious food fills the air in the apartment. you tapped your feet excitedly as you had your eyes glued onto seonghwa with the pan in his hands. your face lit up the moment the starts walking towards you. you clap your hands as he places it down on the dining table.

“fuck it smells and looks to good.” you moan out. seonghwa lets out a soft laugh, making you blush just from hearing him do that. “if i made this any other day, i would’ve asked you to pay for the groceries.” you roll your eyes.

“come on dont be rude to me.” you grab a fork and spoon, bringing your plate near the pan and cutting out a slice for yourself. “thanks for the mac and cheese.” seonghwa only nods his head and took a slice for himself before the two of you ate together slowly, indulging the savoury and amazing taste of one of seonghwa’s best dishes he has ever made dor you.

you appreciated times like thae with seonghwa. alrhough not much interaction was made during meal times, you really felt that he cared for you. making meals you like on special occasions, and he’s always asking you what you want to eat, despite the fact that he might not be comfortable with the idea, he doesn’t fail to whip up a great meal. you liked that about seonghwa.

[THREE] : he’s a great listener.

you basically the worse day that day. for some reason, everything just had to go wrong. the only thing you felt the whole day were anger and sadness, more so towards anger. it was late at night yet you were still fuming in anger, only wanting to let it all out the moment you stepped into the apartment.

you unlocked the door and dropped your bag beside you and slammed the door shut. of course the piercing sound of the door made seonghwa lift his head up in an instant. you notice him laying down on the couch with his phone and usual.

stomping over to the kitchen, you pour yourself a glass of cold water. you chugged the whole cup of water fast and forcefully place the cup on the counter. you clearly felt seonghwa’s eyes on you. you look up from your cup and notice him looking shocked, his mouth gaping open slightly.

“what?” you said, running your hand through your hair in frustration.

“you okay...?” you hear seonghwa ask. “does it look like im okay? today felt as if i entered a shit hole.” you huff. you made your way over to the couch, leaving your empty cup on the counter.

“move your ass.” you hiss at seonghwa. he raises an eyebrow and gets up from his laying position, proceeding to sit up and let you take a seat beside him.

you sit down and let your body sink into the couch, laying your head back as you sigh to calm yourself down. “what happened?” seonghwa whispers, putting away his phone and turning his attention to you.

you purse your lips into a thin line and slowly looked up at him. his eyes were filled with concern and his voice was gentle too. he hasn’t been this concerned about you before.

“apparently i got my best friend to dress up all cute and fancy so that she can have a date with my boyfriend behind my back.” you scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. you see seonghwa licking his lips nervously as he nodded his head.

“a shit show if you ask me. i saw him waiting for her in front of the shop i was working at.” you grab the pillow behind you and hug it close to your chest with you digging your face into it. “just how cruel can people get?” your voice was muffled but you knew seonghwa heard you loud and clear. you felt his hand resting on your back, patting it gently.

“its fine. rant all you want.” you took a deep breath and slammed the pillow onto your lap. you felt that it made seonghwa jump a little but he never fails to keep his composure in check. you could never be like him.

the night, all you did was talk, cried and screamed your heart out. and seonghwa was there to just listen to you. he didn’t react much, but he did nod a few times hear and there to let you know that he understood what you were saying. he wasnt so affectionate that he would hug you when you cried, but it felt good to just have him sit there with you while you let out all your anger and frustration. you figured that having him as your listener was his way of showing comfort for you.

[THREE.2]

it was 4am. you and seonghwa have been drinking since 2am. why? you had a bad day and you felt rhe need to destress with some alcohol. seonghwa wouldn’t have allowed you to get drunk but he was apparently having a bad day too and felt like he wanted to get a little drunk to forget everything that day.

“dont you know how fucking stupid that is? it only happens to me. why?!” you groan as you take down another shot. seonghwa fills up your cup again.

“just forget them. they’re being idiots.” seonghwa whispers. you gap your mouth open and roll your eyes. “how can i forgot something like that?!” you shout angrily, slamming your hand on the table. seonghwa laughs in a lazy manner.

“you’re cute when you’re mad.”

“excuse me?” you tilt your head to the side, wondering if you heard seonghwa’s words clearly.

“nothing.” you shrug it off and shake your head.

“by the way..” you started off. seonghwa lifts his head up from the table and lets out a ‘hm?’

“why arent you telling me why you’re drinking? you don’t normally do this. you dont even let me drink unless its a special occasion. i rarely see you drunk.”

seonghwa raises both his eyebrows and sigh. “i had a bad day. but yours sounds worse so ill let you do all the ranting.” seonghwa starts playing with his shot glass, circling his index finger around its rim.

you clicked your tongue. “but its always been about me. you cook me my favourite meals, you do all the cleaning and you’re always here for me when im pissed. i feel bad about it..” you quickly glance at seonghwa. its the blushing again. you started to accept the fact that you had an effect on him, instead of avoiding the fact that he might have feelings for you.

“i guess im always doing those things because...” he leans forward over the table, getting close to your face. you start to grow nervous and your heart started beating quickly. you held a fist to your chest, breathing slowly to calm you down, but it failed. its the first time you’ve seem seonghwa like this. he looked... hot?

“do you know the answer?” seonghwa asks, tilting his head to the side as you watch his eyes glaze over you whole face as if he’s admiring every inch of it.

“no?” your breathing stopped for a moment when seonghwa gets even closer. this time, your noses were touching. seonghwa chuckles lowly. why did that sound so good all of a sudden?

“i know that you know. i wonder why you’re shying away.” seonghwa’s lips immediately connected with yours. you blinked your eyes rapidly as you tried to process the situation. you couldn’t hold back. his lips felt great against yours. its like all the worries that have been piling up in you have been washed away from a simple kiss.

who knew you’d get this close to your mysterious roommate? its a drastic start to a good relationship nonetheless.

[fotiathymos]

would love to hear the backstory hcs regardless of them being sad or not :0

SIGH. 

I wrote a lot and it got eaten by tumblr and I'm upsetti so IDK if this is any good. Also this is just Lio's backstory stuff and his parents. I could do Galo but maybe if anyones interested I will?? And not tonight..

Its sad and its LONG. So just be prepared for that. Its also 2 am so no one will read this anyway so...

tw for parental death, kidnapping, stalking, genocide, government abuse, and if i miss something my apologies

Do note this isn't the end all be all for a Lio back story. I honestly love everyones interpretations. Mine tends to be sad and less cool and edgey I guess? Everyone makes it cooler, I just go.. oh heres some sad mixed with reasons for Lio's mental illness. 

DO REALIZE. PLEASE. REAL GENOCIDE IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IN THE WORLD AND IS NOT COMPARABLE AT ALL TO ANY FICTIONAL 'RACE' LIKE THE BURNISH.

Okay.

Lio's backstory and his parents.

--

Lio is a powerful burnish. We know that. He has massive control of his flames and a strong connection to the Promare. It is a common theory that he awoken as a Burnish rather young. I share that theory. Lio became burnish around 8-9 years old. Very very young. Most children who become burnish are taken away, hated by the parents or killed/arrested by Freeze Force. Lio was loved very much by his parents.

Like Simon and Nia. Lio's parents were rebels. They grew up in a world where there wasn't any burnish. They witnessed the uprising, the first World Blaze, the oppression of the burnish. They were against it. They were not burnish themselves but they could not just idly sit by and watch people get murdered and kidnapped for something they couldn't control. Lio's parents joined the rebellion quickly.

His father being an inspiring man, friendly, loveable, a leader, and a beacon for the good of all man and Spiral kind. He was fond of pointy glasses, capes and inspirational speeches. His mother was kind, a bad cook but still tried, soft spoken and believes there is good in everyone. Lio got his attitude from his father, his soft spokeness from his mother. And maybe some magical pretty eyes and hair from his mom too.

His parents were anarchists. His father worked in a line of direct action. Fighting and pushing back against the government, rioting, sabotaging government burnish kidnappings, breaking people out of prison, etc. His mother pretended to play 'stay at home mom'. She worked with the community to build unity and strength within. She'd homeschool Lio to make sure he was not fed propaganda that was quickly over taking the education system. She owned a community garden and helped feed everyone. From a young age Lio was surrounded and taught to be kind and help others.

Unfortunately, Lio was an unexpected child in an unexpected time. The activism of his parents cause the young family and the young child to be targets of the government. Considering they werent burnish and no crimes could be found on them, Freeze Force just wanted the annoying pests to be eliminated. But killing a quiet family wouldn't look good on their part. They wanted to scare them out of activism, scare them into obeying the order. Lio became an easy target.

Strange men started to stalk Lio. It was quickly noticed by his parents and caused them to isolate their child from the world. Lio was a lonely kid, he wasn't allowed friends, couldn't go to the park and mostly stayed home with his mother. 

One day while playing in the backyard, Lio wandered off. His mother was keeping an eye on him of course, but kids are kids. And Lio was Lio and a rebellious kid. He wandered off into a stranger who was watching him from afar. Waiting for Lio to get far enough away to be grabbed. The stranger threw a bag over Lio's head and desperately tried to throw him into a van. Lio was young and small and scared. He was suddenly covered in flames. Burning both himself and the stranger. 

His mother who was already frantically looking for her child, suddenly saw flames appear in her backyard. She grabbed a hose and hosed them down. Only to see her child still on fire. She grabbed Lio, ignoring the burns and ran into the house away from the stranger. After placing Lio in the shower and calming him down, telling him he was safe, she quickly packed bags and left with Lio. 

The family moved to a new house quickly. The news never mentioned a man being burned by the burnish, but they couldn't risk anything.

They now had a burnish son, who was lonely, scared, paranoid and burning everything all the time. In their activism the parents grew to understand the burnish struggles and needs. Not to the extent of understanding completely as they were not burnish but they tried. They loved Lio and did everything they could to help him. His father would teach him to control is flames to make objects, from toys to animals to swords. His mother had him help with cooking, control the flames to not burn the food. They served many burned dinners either way. One day they walked in on Lio climbing into the oven while it was turned on. Freaking out, but suddenly realized he was fine. Lio's excuse was he wanted to see the fires. 

Lio would talk about how the fire spoke to him. How he needed to burn. It became a common thing of Lio bursting into flames just from laughing too hard or crying or just any emotion being felt a little bit too hard. His father always had a pair of fire proof gloves in his pocket and would pick up Lio and rush him into the shower to cool down. He could burn all he wants in the shower with no water, but if it got too much he was to turn it on and cool off. 

The house furniture had scorch marks in Lio's favorite spots. Lio's favorite books needed multiple copies because he'd get so excited from certain parts in the story he'd set the book aflame. He was to watch his mother garden from afar to not burn the plants. Lio learned to make fire that wasn't hot quickly so he could still burn in excitement or joy and not harm his parents or things.

His parents were still activist. Laying low but committed in making the world a better place for their son. His mother stayed home still to teach Lio as he got older. His father would do more secretive work but it'd cause him to not come home for days. They were still being hunted. And possibly even more so since information about their burnish son may be known.

Lio was 12 when he was home, staring into the fireplace, breathing with the flames. His father was out for work. His mother busy in the garden out front. A Freeze Force van pulled up. His mother quickly ran inside. "Lio, go hide. Now." But it was too late. Large men pounded through the front door and threw a bag over Lio's mother's head. Lio screamed for her and burst into flames. He tried to direct them at the men who now had his mother on the floor. But suddenly everything was cold. Lio was shot frozen. And blacked out.

Freeze Force arrested Lio. They told him his parents were killed for treason. Lio was to be experimented on. He never saw them again.

When he finally broke out of prison, he tried to go home. There was a new family in his house. They quickly called the cops on him and Lio ran. Lio was on the run for years. Joining and leaving groups of burnish, being on his own for some years. 

When he finally found the Mad Burnish, interacting with others was foreign to him. He managed to connect with Meis and Gueira only. They respected Lio's way of communication, no touching, less talking, more actions, more burning. 

Being on the run, with and without the Mad Burnish, made Lio never really have a 'home'. The only one he ever had was taken from him. After the Parnassus events, staying put or settling down wasn't in him. Lio continued to travel with Meis and Gueira to aid other ex burnish around the world. He'd come back to Promepolis every so often to stay in touch with Galo. They'd mostly call and video chat from afar but it was nice to see eachother after all they've been through.

It took Lio over a year to finally discuss his feelings with Galo. And even then, when they finally became romantically involved, Lio requested they 'take it very very slow'. Lio continued to travel and help others but started staying at Galo's apartment more. It took another year for Lio to finally call Galo's apartment... home.

When Lio finally opened up to Galo about what happened when he was younger.. Galo told him how proud Lio's parents would be of him. How he was still so kind, loving and helping others, just like his parents. How proud they'd be knowing Lio saved the world. 

--

Okay! That was sappy and i tried to end it nice??? I didn't proof read this... its 230 am... ive got insomnia so whatever but staring at a screen typing doesnt help nor did tumblr eating this post first and having to rewrite it.

Once again this is just thoughts. I'd love to know what anyone thinks. Ive seen much cooler more actiony backstories of Lios parents being ex mad burnish leaders or something. I just got sad. pft.

Thank you for reading if you got this far!!! Much love!! Hope I didn't make anyone feel horrible. GNIGHT!

[mattgambler]

Phoenix Point and why I want it to live

No TLDR this time. I said in the past that I could write pages over pages about this. I guess its time to see how many pages we are actually talking about here. Phoenix Point is currently rather mediocre. From the soundtrack to the many bugs and rather rough implementations, the missing features that were envisioned in the kickstarter campaign, the 5 scheduled DLCS, the epic store exclusivity, the inferior graphical polish in comparison to Firaxis’ XCOM reboot, the inferior complexity in comparison to Longwar, probably even the inferior Idontknow in comparison to the very first XCOM games from way back when, I didnt play those. If you are looking for something to hate in this game, you dont have to look too hard, there is something here for everyone. The reason Ive been a determined defender of Phoenix Point is not simply because I have a different taste in games than the mainstream however, but because I feel there is a way deeper underlying problem at work here. I’ll come back to that later. Btw starting now, when I say XCOM, I mean Firaxis’ XCOM. Personally I want more games like XCOM. More games like Battlebrothers, Mordheim: City of the Damned, Invisible Inc, hell, even Bloodbowl, even though I dont dig the sports angle. Games with permadeath, nameable characters, dynamic overworld systems and missions and situations that are created ideally by circumstance, not by simply playing mission 1, then mission 2, until you reach what the devs decided to be the last one they would make for the game. I thoroughly enjoy that concept of progression and many turnbased strategy titles just dont do it for me because they are too linear, even when they are otherwise nicely crafted experiences. Druidstone: The Secret of the Menhir Forest is a nice example of this, the game looks nice, sounds nice and is very well made, but it lacks the one thing I enjoy most in all the games I mentioned earlier. Along comes Phoenix Point and the moment I look at this game I know that it is all about scratching that specific itch. Not only that, it also brings with it a variety of creative features to even improve the established turnbased squad tactics formula. I didnt lie when I said I think that it is in many ways better than XCOM. Just that... WHAT?!?! ...the overall game doesnt compare well if we look at the sum of their parts at the moment. YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!!!!! About Phoenix Point being better in many ways? Sure, let me make a list. 1) Aiming In XCOM you aim, you have an x% chance to hit, you either hit or you dont. While widely accepted because of the quality of the overall games, its a pretty simple system that becomes especially frustrating when your guns model on screen is touching the enemies forehead and you still manage to miss. Or when a flashbanged and suppressed sectoid crits you in full cover after rolling a natural 20. In Phoenix Point bullets get simulated and trace a path from the barrel of your gun to a target that they then either hit or miss. Smaller enemies in Phoenix Point are hard to hit not because the game designers arbitrarily decided so, but because smaller enemies are simply smaller. In comparison, in XCOM you roll dice. 2) Modular enemies Similar to Battlebrothers, Phoenix Point has you encounter the same brigand thug (crabmen) over and over again. The enemy itself doesnt matter as much, its more about the number of different variations you can encounter. Brigant thugs can come equipped with simple helmets and/or armor as well as different weapons that have different abilities. They also have different faces on top of that. They are by far not the only enemy in the game, but even if they were, by the time you encounter the exact same thug a second time you wont be able to tell anymore because you have seen so many others inbetween. The same goes for most enemies in Battlebrothers (with a few exceptions), it becomes way more about your opponents equipment than about his actual type or class. Phoenix Point goes for the very same approach, but falls short because of  a variety of reasons. To name just one, the first time you encounter New Jericho as a faction, you fight four New Jericho soldiers and all four of them have the same armor, the same weapon and even the same face. To hammer it home the mission also always takes place on a variation of the exact same map. It is an absolute travesty. The ambition is there and in random encounters on the map you can see where it is supposed to go, with every enemy type in the game being designed in a way that allows for as many variations as the devs can think of, from paralysis tentacles and bloodsucking arms to mist generators and everything inbetween. The possibilities are endless and from the standard crab to the giant bosses every enemy is designed with this modularity in mind. In XCOM in comparison, you have a variety of different enemies, but for the entirety of the first month (what is that, 3-7 missions?) you only fight the sectoid. Or maybe the drone too, I havent played vanilla in forever. Longwar tries to spice that up by using preexisting models and assigning new abilities to them, making some models bigger and giving others new abilities, but at the end of the day the sectoid looks the way the sectoid looks. I love what it looks like btw. But modular enemies are decidedly cooler. 3) Scale In XCOM you control 4, later up to 6 soldiers at the same time. In Longwar it goes up to 8, or 12 in that one mission. In Phoenix Point you start out the same way, but to my knowledge you can bring as many soldiers to any mission as you can get there via aircraft. Meaning that as soon as you get a second manticore you can theoretically have up to 12 soldiers in a mission, or 18 with a third. Naturally you would probably want to split your forces instead and be in 3 places at the same time (and you can), but this sort of thing being possible, both the 18 soldiers in one mission as well as the 3 different squads doing missions in 3 different places of the planet, is something XCOM simply does not offer.  4) Other features Be it vehicles, giant enemies, diplomacy or the amount of control you get on the overworld map, Phoenix Point does (or attempts to do) a huge number of things that in XCOM are simply nonexistant. In XCOM you dont get to decide were to fly, missions are simply spawned in popup fashion, the skyranger is on autopilot, “diplomacy” is managed by talking to top secret bald guy representing the council and by sometimes fulfilling a councilrequest. The only opposing faction apart from the aliens is EXALT which can be regarded as more of a separate mission type with human enemies and not really as a faction that contributes in any diplomatic way. Dont get me wrong, I dont think XCOM needs diplomacy in order to be good. XCOM is already good, fantastic in fact. But if we compare based on features alone and not the quality of their implementation, then Phoenix Point is doing A LOT of things that XCOM never even touched. This is in no way me trying to trash XCOM. I love XCOM, especially Longwar. However for the sake of an at least somewhat fair comparison the only games we should compare Phoenix Point to at this Point are XCOM Enemy Unknown and XCOM 2, both at launch. Bringing Longwar into the mix is something I do for the sake of providing a third angle, not because I am blind to the fact of how ludacris it would be to compare a newly launched game with an extensive overhaul mod that was in the making for years after the vanilla game and even its expansion were already released. As I was saying, along comes Phoenix Point doing all those very ambitious things. And it gets DESTROYED. To quote Beaglerush, the probably best known XCOM streamer out there: “But honestly, for anyone with experience in the XCOM genre, anyone who likes XCOM games, and anyone particularly who likes XCOM games at a harder difficulty or likes to obviously, like, play well, I do not think it is possible to enjoy this game unless you are getting a big paycheck and you are a good actor.” To be clear, I didnt watch the entire footage that made him come to that conclusion and I dont want to comment too much on what “playing well” means, but i have played Longwar on the highest difficulty in ironmanmode for 2000 hours (without beating it, but also always with Training Roulette active) and I have beaten XCOM 2 on highest difficulty in ironman mode. I do consider Longwar as one of my favourite games of all time and I do consider myself as someone who has experience with the genre, likes games and likes to play them “well”, or at least on highest difficulty. I dont agree with Beagle (duh), but I can of course see where he might be coming from. In its current state Phoenix Point is not finished. Playable, but even for an early access game its still pretty rough, with many mechanics not or only sometimes working (leanout, aim and aimsnapping, end turn, details, you get the point), features missing, performance issues, lackluster soldier customization, lackluster diplomacy options, a rather simple skilltree, questionable balance, etc. Don’t look at me like that, if I wanted to I could jump that hatetrain any time! But if I was to do that, where would that leave us? The XCOM genre, as Beagle calls it, is a niche genre at the best of times. Not only regarding the playerbase but also regarding game developers willing to invest time and money into creating something new. Xenonauts 2 is a year or more behind its originally panned release date with not much news to speak of, Terra Invicta is a distant memory of a game that will maybe one day still be released and Im still waiting for the XCOM 3 announcement and who knows if it will even come. Especially after we, the players, completely demolish Phoenix Point to the point where I would just cancel the 5 planned DLCS right now if I was in charge of the devteam. The main reason I defended Phoenix Point was not because of what the game currently is but because of what the game could be after 5 more DLCs. Ive played every backerbuild of the game and statements like “the game is still what it was 2 years ago” are simply and factually false. Especially between backerbuild 4 and 5 there was a huge jump in quality and between 5 and the release version that same jump has ocurred again - with an entire game that is now playable and completable. Yes, it could have more voiced lines instead of text, yes, it doesnt have the sexy “alerted sectoid” animation sequence when you run into a new enemy pod (pods dont exist in PP but you get me) and sure, the epic exclusive sucks I guess and I dont care much for the soundtrack. But after Backerbuild 5, who knows where the game will be after the next DLC? And the next? If you compare XCOM Enemy Unknown with XCOM Enemy Within, the difference was breathtaking. And here we have a game that has so much work already done, so many assets created, so much code already in place, and we, the players, punch them in the face and shout “NOT GOOD ENOUGH!”. You wanna go back to the drawing board, have somebody else start fresh on something that could be better in a year or two if we are lucky? Ive been looking for a game like XCOM for literally years. Battle Brothers was the closest I found. Tens, if not hundreds of others inbetween failed hard, from “Warhammer 40k: Mechanicus” to “Legends: Viking” to “Wildermyth” and basically everything inbetween. And here we have a game that seems to have the right idea, the right amount of ambition and a good amount of the work already done and we are bitchslapping them left and right just so we can go back to getting hyped about the next mediocre linear story experience. Sure, them releasing already is a shame. But if I was the one to decide, I would give them the same amount of money again and triple it and tell them to finish the job instead of spitting in their face when they come to us and lowkey tell us that they ran out of money. And I would send them flowers and tell them that Im sorry. Anybody can polish a game with extra cash, but getting the core idea right is something that even Firaxis almost failed to do with XCOM 2, as far as Im concerned. I said earlier, that there was a deeper underlying problem here and that I would come back to it and here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Modernday gamers are an ungrateful, hateful bunch of whiny spoiled brats, who think they are entitled to only the best of the best while in fact they “deserve” nothing. The entire concept of a kickstarter campaign is that you provide funds and trust so a bunch of people can try to realize their vision. If you dont like the outcome, then that doesnt mean they betrayed you, it means you have poor judgement. Notice how I say judgement and not taste. You dont have poor judgement because you dont like the outcome, but because you gave them money in the first place. I should maybe add at this point that my anger is mostly directed towards the public reaction and the phoenix point subreddit and not towards my own viewership. (hello) Phoenix Point is not the first game that has had me feel like the entire gaming landscape is slowly spiraling out of control. 5 years ago I thought quality means sales. At this point Im worried that a high marketing budget means sales. And I dread the possibility that 5 years from now I might be convinced that a high marketing budget means quality. Some of the best games this year were literally destroyed by players. Artifact wasn’t only boykotted, but actively brutalized, with people at some point purposefully streaming porn and torture under the Artifact tag on Twitch. Pathologic 2 had the devteam almost go bankrupt after poor sales and unfavourable reviews by people that barely grasped the basics of the game. All the while people feed money to the ginormous immortal that is Magic The Gathering and praise Hideo Kojima for his “unique vision” for Death Stranding. I didnt play Death Stranding and Magic can be pretty fun, but does nobody see the smothering double standards in play here? Im not saying that Phoenix Point has no problems right now in terms of quality. Some of the issues player encounter are in fact inexcusable, at least longterm. But XCOM 2 also had a bumpy launch with long loading times and tons of bugs and then they were fixed and today there are people that think XCOM 2 is better than Longwar. Incomprehensible to me how anyone could think that, but time and some postlaunch fixes did clearly change peoples minds. I think the main reason Phoenix Point got so much hate on launch in comparison to XCOM 2 (which also released 3 DLCs ,or was it more) is because its drastically different and more ambitious in many ways, not because it is half as bad as people make it out to be. XCOM is just like Phoenix Point, just dumbed down I guess. Kappa. (I hate it when people use the term “dumbed down”. This is a joke. Ffs why do I have to explain this)

[oscar-isaacs-number-one-bitch]

“The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part” Movie Review

Back on Oscar nomination day in 2014, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced the 5 nominees for the Best Animated Feature of the year, and while that list included some crowd favorites like Big Hero 6 and more mature blockbusters like How to Train Your Dragon 2, the largest story that day wasn’t about any of the nominations, but one film that was left out of them. Most pundits and basically any critic who had seen the brilliantly creative, immensely funny, and more-emotionally-affecting-than-it-had-any-right-to-be Lego Movie had it pegged as not only a surefire nominee, but surefire winner of that award, and our jaws were left hanging on the floor at the lack of its mention during the announcement.

Despite that though, The Lego Movie went on to be an animated hit in the homes of people all across the world, two mildly-to-wildly successful spinoffs were launched to critical praise, and the studio immediately began plans for a sequel, with directors Phil Lord & Chris Miller not returning to the project as they were already booked to direct the Solo movie for Lucasfilm (which they were fired from, and then they moved on to Into the Spider-Verse and we all saw how that shook out). Thus, we have The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, which finds Emmet and the rest of the Lego people 5 years removed from the ending of that first film. Bricksburg has been ravaged and destroyed by the toys of DuPlon, and our heroes now live in Apocalypseburg. But when some of the residents are captured by a mysterious new character from the Sistar system, Emmet must embark on a daring new mission to rescue his friends and prove that he truly is The Special.

I’ve made it no small secret that I love The Lego Movie and thoroughly enjoyed Lego Batman. Lego Ninjago was…fine for me, but I mostly chalked that up to it being very much tied into the popular children’s Ninjago series, which I hadn’t watched. With the direct sequel to the film that birthed them all being not only released but also set 5 years after the original, I was curious to see if the team at Warner Bros. would be able to pull off the same magnificent feat they did in 2014, especially without the direction of Lord & Miller. And, for the most part, they almost do. Much like How to Train Your Dragon 3, I thought Lego Movie 2 was pretty good – just not as good as those initial outings. While there are certainly moments of levity and plenty of jokes from a script by Lord & Miller, something did feel missing in its direction and pacing.

For a start, there are too many musical numbers in this movie. That may seem like a strange thing to say about a Lego movie, especially as a critique to start with over something more significant, but that’s exactly my point. It doesn’t make much sense until one realizes that the studio fell so in love with what worked in the original that they just decided to do that again – but a lot more. Sure, the original film this one is following had an iconic original theme song, and even Lego Batman dabbled a bit in the introduction, but Lego movies are not musicals. Even Tiffany Haddish (who can’t sing very well, as we find out) gets no less than two numbers essentially all to herself, and basically all of them take place in the second act. This not only overcrowds the movie as a whole, but the second act is simply too repetitive. On a story level, that means there’s less time devoted to moving it along rather than just using the same jokes for a little while longer than necessary. They’re not bad jokes, and some of them are actually quite funny, but that zippiness that was so profound in the original film is missing here, giving way to a slightly more elementary-style humor, which follows, considering the director they found to replace Lord & Miller is Mike Mitchell, director of Trolls.

Not only is the second act overly repetitive and reliant on the same jokes, the newer characters added to the franchise aren’t exactly super memorable. None of them leave the lasting impact that a character like a Lego Batman did on the first movie, and there are basically zero interesting cameos throughout (save for one that actually does turn into a pretty hilarious real-world reference joke during the third act). General Mayhem seems to be the stand-in for the Batman character this time around, but apart from capturing the main heroes and transporting them to the Sistar system, there’s really not much else to her until the final couple of minutes and she doesn’t help craft other characters’ development like Batman did for Lucy. In addition to this, the villain this time around (whose name I’m not even going to attempt to type since I’m writing this at almost 2:00 in the morning) might be a more intimidating presence than Lord Business, but she’s not exactly as or more compelling.

One of the things that made Lord Business compelling was his tie-in to the real world that informed the surprise reveal at the end of the original Lego Movie, but while the added-on real-world element to this entry in the series presents a beautiful intent with its message, the actual Lego sections don’t handle telling that message quite as clearly as the first one did its central themes, which makes understanding the villain character in The Second Part more difficult than it honestly should be. Most of the supporting cast that are introduced in this movie aren’t very memorable, which doesn’t bode well for a franchise plan. Even though the Rex Dangervest storyline does go to some pretty ambitious places, he remains sort of a watered-down version of what he’s probably meant to be, and a lot of that is wrapped up in his very convoluted storyline.

Even the animation seems to have taken a bit of a hit; in the original movie, it was made fairly obvious that everything was made of legos, and that was a super cool and innovative way to create an animated movie, but when this sequel gets busy in the Sistar system or with characters not from the Lego world, it becomes difficult to get very invested in the animation, as it no longer carries that particularly unique look. If we’re going to continue to get Lego movies in this vein for a while, spending more time outside of the Lego world than in it is a bad idea. Legos are fun! Spending time in the Lego world should take up the majority of a movie in this franchise, not a minority.

There is a fair amount to like about this movie though; pretty much all the original characters carry the same weight and charm they have since 5 years ago, and the story and themes this movie presents in conjunction with the last one are actually very sweet. Some of the music is actually quite catchy as well, and The Lonely Island come back again with a stellar closing credits sequence. While the direction could have used quite a bit of work, the script by Lord & Miller does what it can to keep the franchise fresh and new, and if nothing else, most of the jokes are funny on first arrival.

It may sound like I’m knocking on this movie too much, but much like How to Train Your Dragon 3 (the superior film between these two, if you’re wondering), I did enjoy it – I just find it to be a bit disappointing as a sequel. That’s the tough part about being a film critic; if you’re reviewing a sequel, talking about the stuff that worked again isn’t nearly interesting as what doesn’t work as well this time around or what works better because that sticks out more, which can make it sound like that’s all you think of the film. With Lego Movie 2, that means telling you that while what worked last time mostly works again this time, there are a few spots that don’t work as well, and that’s okay, if a little bit of a bummer.

“I’m giving The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part” a 7.6/10

[swayinghummingbirds]

i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed. 

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.  

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse. 

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes? 

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl. 

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too. 

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me. 

so anyways. 

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here. 

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it. 

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow. 

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes. 

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams. 

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here. 

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing. 

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too. 

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere. 

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard. 

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything. 

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it. 

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk. 

[theharlequinwriter]

He’s Just like you.

Summary :  you and sam have a bad fight causing you to leave not knowing your pregnant and its a couple years later

Word count : 2,720

triggers: swearing.

“Dean wheres sam”

I stood on my tip toes looking over deans shoulder looking for my tall boyfriend sam.

“He took of with that demon bitch”

I gritted my teeth.

“Ruby”             I hated her more than anything , I knew that she was lying to us about helping dean outta going to hell but of course we couldn’t took a damn angel to save him. I hated how much sam trusted her , I feel like he would chose her over me , so I avoided the question during fights. I sat back on the couch grabbing my food from the brown bag dean had.

“You okay y/n?”

“Im fine why?”

“You seem upset lately maybe a little bitchy”

I pushed deans arm , taking a bite of my burger. We sat watching movies until at least midnight when sam finally came back in the door. Dean and I both turned now looking at sam who stood there as if he had just gotten off work.

“Where were you sam?”

“With ruby babe”

He walked by grabbing his salad pecking me on the cheek. I heard more footsteps and in walks in the demon herself ruby.

“Why the hell are you here demon bitch”

“Watch you’re tone with me hunter skank”

I walked around the couch coming face to face with ruby.

“Lets go bitch”

I pushed her back , sam came grabbing my hand leading me to the kitchen.

“What the hell y/n”

“Really sam”

“What?”

“You brought her here knowing how I feel about her”

“Shes helping me”

“I can help you sam”

“Not like she can”

“Are you sleeping with the bitch or something”

“What no”

“Then what the hell sam , why am I getting the 3rd degree here”

“Shes helping me y/n more than you or dean ever could”

“Wow sam I stayed with you even after dean went to hell ,I stayed when I found out you’re a demon blood junkie , I stayed even when she came”                                                       “No one asked you too y/n”

His hands now clenching into fist.

“I didnt ask you to stay , you did that all on your own”

“What was I gonna do sam , let you go y2k on everyone and everything?”

“I dont know y/n but it would of been easier if you just left”

“Really why so you could fuck her without feeling guilty after , oh im sorry I mean "helping” you"  

“Actually you know what y/n yes okay yes im fucking ruby ,ya happy now , wanna know why? Cause she doesnt bitch all the time , she doesnt need me to protect her , id rather her have my back at least I can depend on her”

“SAM!”

dean yelled stepping between us.

I felt my heart shatter In pieces, I felt tears forming , I didnt want him to see me cry.

I walked away still hearing him yell at dean about how ruby is better for him than me , how maybe I should just go. I went to our room grabbing everything I could , smashing pictures as I walked around the room.

“Okay  sam , hope your happy”

I walked away grabbing my bag and a little money. I gave dean a hug then I walked out the door not looking back.

I finally got to a cheap hotel where I got a single bed for the weekend. I walked inside falling onto the bed tears falling down my face. How could he say that. I took a shower , getting out my phone had a text from dean.

-hey y/n think it finally hit sam your not coming back , he might try call ya Ill let you know if he does anything stupid and dont worry about ruby ill gank her soon-

I didn’t reply i want sam to worry to realize im not going back.

Its been two months since I left, i decided I need to get a apartment in a little town where supernatural things didn’t occur.  I went into the little market buying some food and shampoo oh and pregnancy test.

I got home taking the test , it came back positive only one guy could be the father.

Sam.

I havent slept with anyone else or even looked at another guy I still loved sam.                    

*TWO YEARS LATER*

“Mommy , mommy look”

I got down on knees taking the drawing out of ethans hand.

My son ethan looks just like his father , he has his eyes and hair , his laugh , smile. He makes me miss sam everyday.

“Thats amazing baby , what is it”

Looking at the drawings it was a very tall person with a cape and what look like dogs.

“Its daddy , you said hes saving people from devil dogs , silly mommy”

I put it on the frige placing him in his seat. I gave him his lunch , he always wanted to know about sam ever since he had a play date with a kid who had both his parents. I told him sam was off saving the world from monsters like ghost and devil dogs. He always asked if his daddy was coming home or will he ever see him.

He was so smart for a child his age. After lunch I asked if he wanted to go to the park to play and feed the ducks.

We got in the car buckling ethan into his seat. When got to the park , ethan took off for the swings. I sat on a bench close enough to see but not so close I can’t see my surroundings. Im still a hunter  after all. Ethan was playing tag with some of his friends when another mom came and sat next to me.

“Hey y/n , how are you”

“Im fine susan ,how are you”

“Honestly a little shook up , some fbi agents came to the house asking about murders”

“Creepy”

“Oh my thats them”

She pointed her finger over at two men in suits , walking twords us. I brushed my hair into my face , I turned to her but she was already gone. As they got closer I could hear them banter back and forth.

“Excuse me miss may we ask you some questions”

I sat up looking up at the man who spoke.

“Hi sam”

His jaw dropped as I spoke to him , I flashed a smile , I jumped up hugging dean before reaching out offering sam a hug. He pulled me in hugging me tightly his hands rested on my lower back. I pulled away still having the smell of him fill my nose

“So what’s going on , I havent heard about any murders”

Dean spoke when sam just stood  there with a big smile across his face.

“Happend in the 80’s thinking its a wendigo who went quite”

“You guys still gotta gank it nice or not a monsters a monster right”

“Right”

Dean winked at me before sam cut in.

“So uhh whats new”

“A little this , a litte that”

I didnt tell him about ethan, I didnt need a absent father in his life Sam kept glancing at the ground then back at me.

“We ganked ruby”

“Oh im sorry ”

“Im not ,she was tricking me”

“Oh well cant trust anyone I guess”

“Ive missed you y/n”

“I miss you too sam”

His smile grew bigger.

“Maybe we can get a drink tonight and talk”

“I can’t im sorry”

“Oh you got a boyfriend or something?”

“No ”

Dean now trying to help his brother spoke now giving me his best charm.

“Why dont the three of us go get a drink and talk about getting the band back together”

“Id love to you guys but I cant”

Sam was about to protest when ethan came running from the playground.

“Mommy , mommy I caught a bug”

I picked him up sitting him on my hip.

“Let me see”

He opend his hand showing a dead cricket"

“Its dead hun”

“I know silly mommy , it was scaring lisa so I saved her , like how daddy saved you from monsters”

I kissed his cheek putting him back down , crouching down I grabbed his hand.

“Go say bye we gotta go home”

He smiled running off to say bye, I stood up sam and dean both wide eyed and speechless.  I waved my hand in front of sams face making him snap out of his trance.

“You have a a a a son?”

“Yea his names ethan”

Sam stayed speachless watching ethan run back to us.

Ethan stood by my side , gripping my pant leg tightly. Sam crouched down pulling out his fake fbi badge.

“Hi im sam”

Ethan grabbed his badge.

“Im ethan”

“Tell him your full name ethan”

ethan tucked his head into my leg before looking back at sam smiling.

“My name is Ethan Samuel Winchester”

Sams head shot up looking at me, he stood up trying to figure out what to say.                                        

“Ethan hunny dont forget your toy”

He ran back to the swings where his toy dragon sat in the sand. Sam finally spoke.

“Is he mine?”

“Yes sam , hes your son”

“When did you find out"                    

"Maybe a month and a half after I left”

“Why didnt you call?”

“Didnt think you would care”

I could see tears filling up his eyes. Ethan walked over , picking him up I gave sam and dean quick hugs before walking to my car , shaky and on the verge of tears.

*sams pov*

Dean and I just killed off the 90 year old wendigo. Dean decided we had a crazy day so the bar was the perfect place to go. We sat down at a table near the back , dean ordered 6 shots of whiskey , 3 for each , and two beers one for each. As we drank my mind kept snapping back to y/n and our son.

“Sammy?”

I snapped out of my day dream to dean cheersing me with his shot.

“So you’re a daddy sam”

“Im not a dad im just the biological father , I wasnt there for anything”

Dean downed his other two shots , so did I. He raised he hand asking for 3

More rounds. We were in the middle of our 3 or was it 5th round with jack when I finally yelled.

“Why the fuck didnt she call me dean? Ya know just be like oh hey sam im pregnant with your child just fyi or a text something”

“You told her to go sam , told her you wanted ruby , that you were cheating on her with ruby , that you wished she left , you made her feel worthless , unloved , unwanted , you were so jacked up on demon blood you didnt care when she walked out the door”

I buried my face in my hands , dean was right , it was my fault she never came back or called , I dont blame her for hiding him from me.

Dean cleared his throat.

“She clearly tells the kid about you”

I looked up at him , feeling tears build behind my eyelids.

“What?”

“She tells the kid about you I mean you didnt hear him say he saved the girl from the bug like his daddy saved her”

My heart beat hard agianst my chest. I had to see her ,tell her everything. I stood up but dean pushed me back into my seat.

“2 more rounds”

After we drank I felt the room spinning , my thoughts jumbled between y/n and ethan , and more alcohol. I walked outside feeling the cold air hit my face.

“Cas!”

I yelled when I heard the sound of wings I turned to see 3 cas’s , he spoke but I couldn’t hear him.

“T-t-t take me to y/n”

Next thing I knew I was infront of a little white house.

*y/n pov*

*BANG BANG*

I ran to the door , it was 2 am who the hell is banging at my door this late. I opened the door to find a very drunk , very sad sam.

“Sam?”

He smiled pulling me to his chest.

“Y/n!!”

I took him inside sitting him on the couch handing him a water bottle.

“Sam what are you doing here?”

“This right here ”

He patted his hands on the couch.

“Is where im meant to be”

“Sam please dont”

“Please just listen”

I sat next to him making sure we didnt touch.

“Y/n im so sorry for how I acted , for what I s s s said , ruby was a lying bitch just l l like you said. She tricked me into horrible things I never had sex with her , I never even looked at her like that , I was so junked up on demon blood that I didnt see that you were what I needed , w w what I need baby.”

I saw tears falling from his eyes now when he spoke.

“Baby you are my world , and we have a son ,  , I dont blame you for keeping him from me, but I I can’t , wont miss anymore of his life or yours , I need you back y/n , im so sorry so so so sorry”

He was now full on crying , I could tell dean had gotten him drunk so he could say how he felt. He looked back at me , his eyes blood shot and his     breath smelling of whiskey.

“He has your eyes sam”

“Really?”

“Yeah , he is just like you more and more everyday”

I felt tears falling down my face.

“Sam you can come back but you have to be here , I wont let you hurt ethan”

“I wont ever hurt eaither of you”

His hands grabbed mine pulling me to him so now I was sitting on his lap facing him. He put one of his hands on my lower back while the other rested on my cheek. He closed the gap between us his lips gently touching mine. I kissed back running my hands through his hair making the kiss deeper.

“Ive missed you so much sam”

I helped him upstairs ,letting him sleep in my bed. As I layed next to him , he wrapped his hands around my waist pulling me into his spooning me.

“Does ethan know about me?”

“Yeah he knows you and dean hunting   monsters like ghost and demons but he thinks your a superhero”

I heard his laugh as we fell asleep. I woke up before sam untangling myself from him. I walked downstairs where ethan sat watching his morning cartoons. I called him over to the kitchen sitting him in his chair I went to the frige grabbing things for pancakes.

“Mommy what’s wrong?”

Ethan looked at me smiling

“Nothing baby”

I walked away from my mixing bowl picking ethan up sitting him on my hip. Grabbing my wallet I took the picture of me sam and dean out handing it to him.

“That right there is your uncle dean , hes really brave and the tall guy thats your daddy sam he’s my hero”

Ethan smiled holding the picture, I walked into the kitchen sitting him down on the floor. I heard steps coming from upstairs.

“Ethan hun I have a surprise for you”

His head snapped up looking at me with wonder.

“What is it mommy?”

“I want you to look at that picture real close”

As he squinted his eyes , sam came down standing at the walk way into the kitchen.

“Now ethan look up”

Ethan looked up from the picture , as his eyes met sam , the biggest smile formed across his face.

“DADDY!!!”

he ran over grabbing sams legs as sam picked him up.

“Daddy your back!”

Sam hugged him tears falling down his face.  His eyes locked onto mine.

“Daddys home now ethan”

After breakfast dean came over so ethan could know his family. As sam and I did dishes his hands grabbed my hips spining me around so now I was face to face with him.

“Y/n I wanna be a family”

“We are sam”

“I wanna make it offical”

He reached into his pocket pulling out a ring.

“I know its not much but will you marry me ?”

“Yes sam oh my lord yes”

He kissed me , my hands tangled in jis hair as we parted I could hear ethan and dean.

“Ew mommy and daddy are kissing”

“I know right gross”

I smiled at sam , knowing he will always be there for ethan and I

[tumblunni]

Social anxiety C C C COMBO BREAKERRRRR

I had a real good day yo!!

I was in a really stupid emotional state at 4am this morning cos of a dumb nightmare about my abusive mum that i havent seen in 15 years. But at least because of it it prompted me to try and find the address of my childhood home again, and i successfully did and i had a huge nostalgia wave just looking at google street view. I dont know if i'll ever be brave enoughto actually visit there and walk down the same road again with my new and taller legs, but just knowing that its not impossible makes me feel a lot better.

But then srsly i was in real big panic attack shakes and i couldbt get back to sleep and i had a pounding headache and my eyes hurt and then when i finally passed out i kept waking up like half an hour later and having to go thru all the hell of getting asleep again. And then when i woke up at 5pm having wasted the whole day i realized my electricity was out and i needed to walk the 1.5km to the shop where i can pay the bills and AAAAGH giant headache and on the verge of tears and its the middle of a heatwave and my hair dye is all faded bad and so many damn excuses. And 'oh well itll take like 20 minutes to get ready and then what if i walk too slow and the shop is closed'. All the stupid reasons i use to excuse my social anxiety!

BUT IM REALLY PROUD THAT I STILL DID IT

I'm not just giving myself the 1.5 on my kilometres count, im definately getting two points for 'survived anxious social situation with style and grace'!

Cos seriousky cos of the heatwave i wouldnt be able to wear heavy baggy coat yo cover myself up, so i went out in a short sleeved shirt with my binder and i was really inpressed with how good i looked in the mirror. Yknow even tho my face was like sleep deprived mega anxious death hell! XD but yeahi managed to accomplish the Basic Things Of Daily Life despite being in my worst anxious state for ages, and i did it in sweltering weather and while unconfident in my ability to pass. I actually ended up having a swing in my step on the way back and enjoyed a completely un anxious walk for once! I just saw myself in the mirror in the supermarket bathroom and was like 'holy shit i look perfectly fine, what was i worried about?' And then i didnt completely fall apart due to the now new worry that if i was actually successfully passing then maybe i'd get kicked out for using the bathroom of my birth sex. It was a slow shopping day so nobody else came in there, it was fine. And i mean i'd still feel equally as anxious using the other bathroom, there arent any unisex toilets for nonbinary folk :(

But yeah i handled it really well!! Its such a small anxiety to other people tho and i still feel ashamed that i cant completely shed my peoplephobia all at once. But this was a really big step up that metaphorical staircase!

Oh and while i was there i actually felt confident enough to Actually Do Some Damn Shopping! I didnt just limit it to a basic run and gun, get in there, get the one thing and leave thing. I very often do that!! Sometimes it takes me two trips to the shops to get everything cos i got so anxious i just ran home after the first thing XD But today i actually wandered around the whole supermarket and checked if there was anything on sale or anything i forgot to put on my shopping list. Again, very basic thing that normal people do every day, but for me i usually get irrationally panicked so this was a disproportionately big accomplishment!

I BOUGHT A SHOES

I havent bought a new pair of shoes since like.. 4 years? 5 maybe? I cant recall if it was before i moved here or just after. I have a stupid habit of only owning one thing and only replacing it when its broken, because like.. Leftover instincts from being poorer. And its stupid cos im perfectly able to splurge on electronics or pokemon merchandise or whatever when i have spare money, yet when it comes to actual life necessities im like 'nah what a waste'. I guess its cos avoiding paying for them was a common experience during those homeless times, whereas splurging on self birthday gifts was not a thing i could ever do at all. Possibly this is the same reason i get easily suckered in by scratchcards and lootboxes, its easy to not notice how much i'm wasting when its not something i have a long experience with. Plus they kinda cheat by making each singular pull be cheap and then encouraging you to keep gambling fifty more times. But its only 2 bucks each time~fuckin hell im dumb to fall for that shit.

ANYWAY thats why ive been using the same shitty pair of trainers for like five years. Theyre really durable but theyre not exactly comfy or very good looking. Theyre like this neon green and yellow and black tron lines abomination that i DO KINDA LOVE but ive gotta admit that it doesnt fit with many outfits. I literally dont own a single other yellow anything.

So yeah i bought three pairs of shoes on sale for 15 pound in total HOLY SHIT thats a good dealio! I got some plimsolls/daps/im not actually sure what they call them in other countries sorry. Its like the fabric shoe but it has a good grip runner's sole to it? Always used to wear them in gym class at school, i liked them beter than trainers cos the sole wasnt as thick and inflexible. I mean im already clumsy without like 3cm more height on me! And then i got some sort of loafer thing thats similar but more The Comfort. And then i also got some super soft indoor slippers! So now i actyalky have shoes for differebt occasions!! Jogging walking and laying around being a couch potato! Not just wearing these big chunky trainers for all of that! I mean lol it used to be even worse, once my Only Shoes were actualky these huge mountain climbing boots XD i got them free from the homeless shelter and kept them for years after i left, even tho they were too tight and always cut up the back of my ankles. Ah, memories of past trauma! Why am i stirring up so many of these today!!

So anyway yeah thats my Very Boring Normal Day that for once i managed to handle like a normal human being. I'm proud!

Oh and i also got a glitter cowboy hat and i dont know why they were selling a glitter cowboy hat but it was the only sort of sun hat they had so i went with it. It kinda helps with dysphoria somehow?? Like i know people will criticize that part of my fashion first before they notice how ugly the rest of me is XD and its hard to be sad when you're thinking 'beep boop gender cowboy'

[pokefanbri]

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

[shinythingsorpaperrings]

things about my playlist (super long cause i included lyrics whos surprised)

Right Here, Right Now Right here, Right now I'm looking at you and My Heart love the view Cause you mean everything  im always a sucker for a good hsm song but this moment in the movie just really strongly resonates with me, the desire to make the moment last even though everything is speeding around them

Today Was A Fairytale But can you feel this magic in the air? It must have been the way you kissed me Fell in love when I saw you standing there every day just feels like floating like it really is magic honestly

Hung Up I'm not usually the type of guy to call twice And leave a message every time i think ive only left multiple voicemails for my mum like once

Thunder I don't wanna ever love another You'll always be my thunder So bring on the rain something bout boys like girls just always resonates about us but especially this. i used to play it every day when i spent that summer away

Check Yes Juliet Run, baby, run Don't ever look back They'll tear us apart If you give them the chance we all know how shit romeo and juliet when badly idealised but something about this just made me feel really strongly that it was ok cause of all the issues w my folks but i could run from that and itd still be ok

Two Is Better Than One Cause everything you do and words you say You know that it all takes my breath away this song just brings me back to that first night up against the wall honestly

Mine You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter You are the best thing, that's ever been mine another one of those played everyday, not even just the summer, but literally everyday for a long while. this part was the part that clicked most, that you brought me out of my shell

Love Story And my daddy said "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me, I was begging you, please, don't go  swift is kind of a running theme for my sweet summer tunes, but parts of this song reminded me of what my folks would be like, and the constant (poor) secret-keeping and the constant want to be free to be us

Marry You Is it the look in your eyes or is it this dancing juice Who cares baby, I think I wanna marry you i think its kinda self explanatory

Can I Have This Dance Take my hand, I'll take the lead And every turn will be safe with me Don't be afraid, afraid to fall You know I'll catch you through it all this will never stop being the cheesy fall back memory i have, its another soft moment but i love it so

2002 Now we're under the covers Fast forward to eighteen We are more than lovers Yeah, we are all we need When we're holding each other this song just invokes a lot of early memories, of the way we would belt every song out that would come on, the way that wed fix a playlist like no one else was there

Everything I Ask For Oh she makes me feel like shit (it's always something) But I can't get over it (she thinks it's nothing) 'Cause she's everything I ask for gotta agree with john, wearin red when youre feelin hot. its a good colour for you, yknow

Alone Together I don't know where I'm going But I don't think I'm coming home and I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead This is the road to ruin And we're starting at the end we started a mess, we ended a mess, were still a mess, and anything we do going forwards is a mess, but its ok

Still Into You I should be over all the butterflies but I'm into you, I'm into you And even baby our worst nights I'm into you, I'm into you Let 'em wonder how we got this far, 'Cause I don't really need to wonder at all Yeah after all this time I'm still into you  i remember when my dad sent me the video to this song just because of what was on haleys tshirt. i didnt think it would come to stick with me for so long and mean so much

Runaway (U & I) I wanna run away Anywhere out this place I wanna run away Just U and I wouldnt be my playlist if i didnt throw electronic into it. a general running (lmao) theme though isnt it? to want to run away, to find somewhere new to start

Ours Seems like there's always Someone who disapproves, They'll judge it like they know about me and you, And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do, The jury's out, And my choice is you another summer jam. no matter what, this is ours. no one can take that away, nobody but us can change it. it will always be ours

Song 2 You I'll give you my song These words to you Sing you what I feel My soul is true. a little victorious doesnt hurt. its a soft song, mostly about a materialistic girl, but the feeling behind it resonates with me. i love how soft it is, i love the meaning behind it. but most of all i love that its still music thats being used to connect people

Stupid For You You're a symphony, I'm just a sour note I'll take what I can get The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you And everybody wants you basically about feeling just a little not good enough, but still chasin and makin it work. id say im pretty stupid for you though

Right Girl I've never been the best with my mouth Try to stay smart but the dumb comes out Maybe I'm shy, I drive an old car Maybe I'm amazed that I got this far you are the best thing to ever happen and i let my dumbass brain panic itself into doing the wrong thing to the right girl

Rock Bottom That you hate me now and I feel the same way You love me now and I feel the same way We scream and we shout And make up the same day everything culminated to this, to being rock bottom and tossing and turning and trying and maybe not trying enough. everythings still low it still feels like rock bottom while still feeling like theres more to fall. its hard to explain

Trigger Why can't we talk about it Why don't we try I think we can change our minds If we could just look at it through each other's eyes Instead of letting bullets fly i wish, at least for getting through this, we could be better at pushing emotions back to talk, that i could be better at pushing emotions back. i wish i was better at taking a step back and seeing it from another perspective before it got too late

I Really Like You Who gave you eyes like that, said you could keep them? I dunno how to act or if I should be leavin' I'm running outta time, going outta my mind i remember thinking how annoying this was when it came on, but it explains so well this state of limbo, this state of “what can i say, what cant i say”

Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic Every little thing she does is magic Everything she do just turns me on Even though my life before was tragic Now I know my love for her goes on my dad used to play this a lot when i was younger and i forgot it for a while, but something about you sparked me to remember it, to want to hear it on repeat, to belt it despite how quiet it is on spotify, to let it wash over me

How You Get The Girl And then you say I want you for worse or for better I would wait for ever and ever Broke your heart, I'll put it back together I would wait for ever and ever i remember how you used to say you didnt like this song but now it kinda feels like were living it, that someones going to show up on someones door step six months down the line in the pouring rain. or maybe someone wont. but it doesnt stop ever resonating with me so deep in my bones

Be There I'll be the warmth in your empty hotel I'll make it right when you're going through hell I'll be the call when there's no one to tell no matter the situation, ill still be there for you. doesnt matter when, how, what, why, ill be there

Anchor If you’re lost And feel like you’re alone I’ll be the one to guide you home You’ll never have far to go just to really drive the point home with a little tritonal, ill be your anchor, maybe not your rock, im not solid enough, or rooted myself. i sway with the tide but ill still be something you can hold on to

My Life Would Suck Without You Maybe I was stupid For telling you goodbye Maybe I was wrong For tryin' to pick a fight I know that I've got issues But you're pretty messed up too Either way I found out I'm nothing without you i dont care how rocky its been, i refuse to let myself be without you, whatever that entails

Dopamine What you do to me is no good But baby, you're good for me, so good for me We break up to build something new Chasing after what I have with you i think no matter what, it will always feel like what im doing is trying to get back what we had, but not the way it was, more the way we fit together, how we could sit together and be content, to fight and curse each other out but still somehow make it ok, thats what id be chasing after

I’m Yours So I won't hesitate no more, no more It cannot wait I'm sure There's no need to complicate Our time is short This is our fate, I'm yours my heart will always be yours, even if you dont want it, it doesnt plan on going anywhere any time soon. i could leave and it would still stay with you

I Want You Back Oh, baby, give me one more chance To show you that I love you Won't you please let me Back in your heart Oh, darling, I was blind to let you go Let you go baby Cause now since I see you it is all victoria justices voice makes it feel more relevant somehow, maybe its the female voice with the same lyrics, maybe its just the way she sings it, who knows, but this rings pretty fuckin true

Just Wanna Be With You I got a lot of things I have to do All these distractions Our futures coming soon We're being pulled a hundred different directions But whatever happens I know I've got you while comedic in the end of year musical, the rehearsal version really i think really captures the heart of the relationship, that everything is happening everywhere and theres nowhere to stop and breathe but theyre still there for each other, and i will be too

Black Butterflies and Deja Vu I lose my voice when I look at you Can't make a noise though I'm trying to Tell you all the right words Waiting on the right words one of my favourites off the album, i hadnt found one i connected with much off the american candy album, except for ‘miles away’ perhaps, but then LLL dropped with this as a single and it just clicked so much with me. i find it so hard to tell you all the things i want to, the right things to tell you, its hard to ask you to be patient for me to get out what i want to, and i always end up sticking my foot in it, but one day ill get it right

Marry Me Forever can never be long enough for me To feel like I've had long enough with you a soft way to end this playlist, a perfect way to end it i think

[ghostydoof-blog]

OOCly viewed chatlog you know the drill.

-- technicalGyrations [TG] began pestering eggBoy [EB] at 08:16 --

[08:16] TG: egg BOY

[08:17] EB: egg boy.

[08:18] TG: egg boi

[08:18] EB: that's me.

[08:18] TG: like soulja boy

[08:18] EB: one hundred percent farmland fresh egg boy.

[08:18] TG: but with eggs

[08:19] EB: hot off the truck and into market, soon to be on your breakfast plate at denny's when it's 2am and you're feeling down.

[08:20] EB: we should go to denny's sometime at 2am when we're feeling down.

[08:20] TG: we could go to dennys right now if youre feeling down

[08:21] EB: it's not 2am yet and i've been up since six making myself homemade mac and cheese.

[08:22] TG: okay instead of dennys come to my work and eat mac n cheesy with me and tell me whats going on

[08:24] EB: i can't, legs are broken.

[08:25] EB: my face hurts.

[08:25] TG: JOHN

[08:25] TG: JOHN!!!

[08:25] EB: suddenly my fingers are broken too, my skin is paper and my bones glass.

[08:25] TG: JOHN EGBERT YOURE KILING ME

[08:26] EB: it happens.

[08:26] EB: you are way too excitable for this time of morning, dave.

[08:27] TG: i have to be im at work and i gotta be excitable so i dont fall asleep

[08:27] TG: so i got music playin and im knitting and drinking some tea

[08:27] EB: i'll accept that.

[08:27] TG: you could be energized too if yall came here

[08:27] EB: i've got a pot of coffee on the table next to my bed and i have been playing threshers 2 all morning.

[08:28] EB: i need to get human games so i can stop playing this.

[08:28] EB: i.

[08:28] EB: ugh.

[08:28] TG: are you havin fun with it at least

[08:29] TG: whats wrong dude

[08:29] EB: i do.

[08:29] EB: i guess?

[08:29] EB: it just upsets me.

[08:29] TG: why?

[08:29] EB: actually a lot of things upset me lately apparently.

[08:29] EB: i'm worried about sollux.

[08:30] EB: apparently i had a family that i don't remember.

[08:30] EB: oh and we're from the same earth i accept that ok?

[08:30] EB: apparently your shades are from me.

[08:30] EB: somehow we forgot these things.

[08:30] TG: i need a second to process this

[08:30] TG: okay im starting the process

[08:30] EB: so i mean i haven't been able to talk about any of it and i'm losing my mind over it!

[08:30] TG: who told you this?

[08:31] EB: rose.

[08:31] TG: how do they know??

[08:31] EB: she's the only one that i've met that will just TELL me about myself.

[08:32] EB: she knew a john that she played that god awful game with.

[08:32] EB: her john knew a dave.

[08:32] TG: and her john gave her dave the same pair of shades i have

[08:32] TG: ?

[08:32] EB: they all played that game together.

[08:32] EB: yeah.

[08:33] TG: i have a feeling that we played that game together too

[08:33] EB: how?

[08:34] EB: everyone that has KNOWS they have.

[08:34] EB: how do you forget DYING?

[08:34] EB: or being a god or something?

[08:34] TG: when i talked to sky about some of this he basically said that what my dream was lines up with some stuff that happens in it and if youre from the same place as ME then we would have HAVE to played it together or someting like that

[08:34] TG: i think were remembering it though

[08:34] TG: since meeting each other

[08:35] EB: :/

[08:35] EB: i can barely sleep anymore, my dreams are so weird they wake me up now. i can't remember them but ugh.

[08:35] EB: they leave me in a cold sweat.

[08:36] TG: ive just been having a lot of migraines lately about all of this stuff

[08:36] EB: ugh.

[08:36] EB: yeah.

[08:36] TG: no dreams i can remember besides the one of someone giving me my shades

[08:36] TG: which is now you

[08:37] EB: when rose was telling me about the shades it hurt, and when she was trying to tell me about my family i?

[08:37] EB: i had a family, dave.

[08:37] EB: a dad.

[08:37] EB: you saw me give you your shades?

[08:37] TG: in a dream, yea, but it wasnt you in my dream just some shadowy ass lookin figure

[08:37] TG: a dad

[08:38] TG: is there any way you could find him?

[08:38] EB: he doesn't exist. the actual address on my id also does not exist.

[08:38] EB: the street does, but there isn't that number house on it.

[08:39] EB: i guess he did something shitty with baked goods and that's why i still don't like them though.

[08:39] EB: so maybe it's not that much of a loss.

[08:40] TG: i had the same thing happen to me address wise like they looked it up and theyre like shit my dude you dont exist

[08:40] TG: and that makes sense i guess

[08:40] TG: some shit like that probably stayed latent in your brain and surfaces without your control

[08:40] EB: yeah.

[08:40] EB: it still sucks!

[08:40] EB: i want him back, dave.

[08:41] EB: i'm grown now but i didn't want to be stuck in foster care for two years! i hated it.

[08:41] TG: i want you to find him so he can explain where the hell hes been all these years

[08:42] EB: he's dead.

[08:42] EB: if i remember correctly, it's been mentioned that he died.

[08:42] TG: WHAT

[08:42] TG: what the fuck

[08:42] EB: or disappeared into the game, if we really did play it.

[08:42] TG: thats even worse

[08:42] TG: but if he disappeared into the game like us wouldnt he be back if were back? this is so fucked up dude

[08:43] TG: do you think if you have a dad

[08:43] TG: that i have a dad

[08:43] TG: ?

[08:44] EB: probably! rose mentioned having a mom too i think.

[08:44] EB: or someone else had a mom. or something?

[08:44] EB: i can't tell if i know this stuff or if someone told me anymore.

[08:45] TG: i mean i guess the only thing we can do is ask rose more

[08:45] TG: if she doesnt mind?

[08:45] EB: she says she doesn't but i wouldn't want to push it.

[08:45] EB: she has a key to my apartment so if you want to meet her you could use my place.

[08:45] TG: we could talk to her together

[08:45] TG: just a meeting betwen all yall

[08:46] EB: i don't know dave she's really nervous about people still.

[08:46] EB: sort of a one on one kind of girl.

[08:46] TG: i could sit in the bathroom while we talk so she doesnt have to see me

[08:47] EB: oh my god dave no.

[08:47] EB: then we'd have to be in my bedroom!

[08:47] EB: what am i going to do, text her up and be like hey rose want to hang out in my BED?

[08:47] TG: dude weve hung out in your BED before

[08:48] EB: yeah but we're also more accustomed to that sort of thing.

[08:48] EB: she's been really alone for a long time, i don't think she's quite ready for THAT.

[08:48] TG: you have seen my shirtless bod before so were past that level of friendship

[08:49] TG: okay new plan: i can hide behind the couch while all yall are on the couch and i can talk from there

[08:50] EB: she might kill you if you do that.

[08:50] EB: but it's your ass not mine.

[08:50] EB: also your body is fine dave.

[08:50] TG: okay new plan: you can facetime me and we can talk from there

[08:50] TG: my body is,

[08:52] EB: how about this?

[08:52] EB: i talk to rose and ask if she'll meet you.

[08:52] TG: that also works

[08:53] EB: no deception and you guys can still use my place.

[08:53] EB: and dave.

[08:53] EB: your body is fine.

[08:53] TG: IT IS,

[08:53] EB: it IS, yes.

[08:53] TG: im yellin

[08:53] TG: youre too nice to me

[08:53] EB: i'm telling the fucking truth you goon.

[08:54] TG: youre STILL too nice to me you goon

[08:54] EB: if i wasn't armpit deep in my clinically diagnosed depression i would come kick your ass.

[08:56] TG: i mean i want to come over to kick your ass out of your armpit deep clinical depression but im at work and also armpit deep in my clinical depression

[08:56] EB: well look at us both stuck in this quicksand of sadness.

[09:03] TG: well pull each other out eventually

[09:03] TG: just gotta wallow for a bit til we feel better

[09:03] EB: i was doing ok until the shit hit the fan.

[09:03] EB: is it bad that it bothered me less when i didn't have friends?

[09:04] TG: i mean same but thats cause you have your own ways to deal with things and when friends get involved you feel like you gotta blab to them about everything and it messes up the coping

[09:04] TG: at least thats my theory

[09:05] EB: no.

[09:05] TG: ?

[09:06] EB: it's because i had nothing to worry about. i worked, a came home to my apartment. i ate and slept and watched movies and had nothing to think about but the next day.

[09:06] EB: now?

[09:06] EB: now i'm worried about my troll friends because they might just die for no reason.

[09:07] TG: and thats making you feel worse combined with your own stuff you got on your mind

[09:07] TG: i gotcha

[09:07] EB: i worry about my human friends because some of them are so sad that i just want to hug them and tell them it will be ok.

[09:07] EB: and yet no one wants me to care.

[09:07] EB: so i'm trying to not care.

[09:07] EB: it's hard.

[09:08] TG: hey if it means anything i want you to care about me

[09:08] TG: and i bet all your friends appreciate you caring even if it seems like they dont

[09:08] EB: congrats you're the only one that does!

[09:09] EB: between troll dave shitting on me for being empathetic and me royally fucking it with sollux i'm ?

[09:09] EB: trolls?

[09:09] EB: what are they?

[09:09] EB: why are they?

[09:09] TG: trolls are strange as hell and they have different views on emotions than humans do

[09:09] TG: makes em a bit complicated

[09:10] EB: i noticed.

[09:10] EB: apparently i messed up and started doing some weird quadrant stuff at sollux.

[09:10] EB: but it doesn't matter, he says it doesn't bother him.

[09:10] EB: (spoiler alert: it does.)

[09:10] EB: and i know it does.

[09:11] TG: i mean id be surprised if it DIDNT bother him

[09:11] EB: but if i don't say anything about it and act normal maybe it will be ok.

[09:11] TG: hes probably just making it seem like it doesnt bother him both for you and for himself

[09:11] EB: but i can't bring myself to talk to him because i don't want him to stop being my friend.

[09:12] TG: you should still at least talk to him if hes your friend dude

[09:12] TG: but i also think you should talk about the pale stuff too

[09:13] EB: i tried to.

[09:14] EB: but everyone else seems to want to get their nose so deep into my business there's no room left for me. i appreciate spanky but uh...he's way too nosy for someone i don't know.

[09:15] EB: i also don't get the subtle difference in what changes being his best friend to being his pale...whatever it's called.

[09:16] TG: theres only one way to find out and thats asking him about it

[09:16] TG: but id think it over before you do

[09:16] TG: i dont completely understand troll stuff either even though i live with two of them

[09:16] TG: and dude if you need me to back off just let me know ok

[09:17] EB: well, karkat told me he doesn't want any quadrants right now so i mean i don't want to poke that hornet's nest and bite the dust on it yet.

[09:17] EB: there's also the uh.

[09:17] EB: looming possibility that he's going to die.

[09:18] EB: so that's a thing i'm supposed to probably pretend that it doesn't bother me.

[09:18] TG: um what

[09:18] EB: he's messing with that game, dave!

[09:18] EB: and something is wrong with it! like really wrong!

[09:18] TG: nothing good ever comes from that goddamn hell game

[09:18] EB: it's not like i pour over every single post of his but i see enough to know that something bad is going to happen.

[09:19] TG: you definitely pour over all his posts

[09:19] TG: callout

[09:19] TG: and yea

[09:19] EB: i do not!

[09:19] TG: i have a bad feeling about this

[09:19] EB: he's not even denying it anymore, dave.

[09:21] TG: i think cause he realizes shit is going to hit the goddamn fan

[09:22] EB: i know.

[09:22] EB: i should just let other people do things for him.

[09:23] TG: john

[09:23] TG: why

[09:23] TG: ?

[09:24] EB: because.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything useful to him. i don't know about the game.

[09:25] EB: i don't know anything about trolls.

[09:25] EB: or their romance.

[09:25] EB: or their society.

[09:25] EB: the more i learn the more worried i get.

[09:25] EB: the more i wish i could just pull him here.

[09:25] EB: give him a hug, tell him it's ok!

[09:25] TG: once he gets into the game he might be able to get here though

[09:26] TG: transportalizers are normally a game thing i think from what ive seen

[09:26] EB: i don't want him to ever go into that goddamn game dave!

[09:26] TG: rossea didnt play and she had to build her own

[09:26] EB: i want him to stop messing with it before it's too late.

[09:26] EB: he's going to die.

[09:26] EB: and i'm going to lose my best friend.

[09:26] EB: i'm...

[09:27] TG: john

[09:27] EB: i'm sorry.

[09:27] TG: i dont think hes going to stop messing with it

[09:27] EB: i know.

[09:27] EB: i know he's not.

[09:27] TG: so you can at least hope that he finds a transportalizer and get the hell out of there

[09:27] EB: i do hope.

[09:28] EB: but we didn't.

[09:28] EB: did we?

[09:28] EB: you died.

[09:28] TG: i

[09:28] EB: and so did our friends.

[09:28] TG: i dont know

[09:29] EB: we didn't survive that game.

[09:29] EB: not the same way other people have.

[09:29] EB: did we?

[09:29] TG: i dont think so

[09:29] TG: ?

[09:30] TG: but i dont know what happened at all

[09:30] EB: well my dream says everyone died.

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:42] TG: my dream says at least me died so i believe your dream

-- eggBoy [EB] is now an idle chum! --

[09:44] EB: it doesn't make it any better.

[09:45] EB: i have a lot of worries ok?

[09:45] EB: i'm sorry for suddenly dumping them on you but they just keep coming.

[09:47] TG: dude john

[09:47] TG: dont be sorry at all

[09:47] TG: were friends right?

[09:47] TG: thats what friends are for

[09:47] EB: yeah!

[09:47] EB: still.

[09:48] EB: i kind of exploded there.

[09:48] EB: hey dave.

[09:48] TG: what

[09:48] TG: ?

[09:48] EB: denny's date tonight?

[09:48] TG: of course : *

[09:49] EB: good.

[09:49] EB: because i feel like sobbing into a grand slamwich.

[10:09] TG: you can sob into as many grand slamwiches as you want bud

[10:09] EB: i can only maybe handle one.

[10:10] EB: they're kind of gross.

[10:10] TG: perfect to cry into then

[10:10] EB: exactly.

[10:10] EB: you've witnessed me crying, i'm gross.

[10:11] TG: DUDE youve witnessed ME crying

[10:12] EB: then we're even.

[10:30] TG: : *

[10:30] EB: right back at you buddy.

[bladelearnt]

k so i. really need to rant about this somewhere and i feel like im annoying the people who already know so im just gonna dump it here. yall dont have to read its really long

so we (me and my friend / roommate, lexi) had to move into these new dorms at a new location because the first set my college ran out of space for with the new students coming in. thats a whole new can of worms that im already over, but honestly, im so done with living here. we’ve been living here since the end of august and im about to murder half of the people living here. the only people i DONT want to murder are the people i go to class with, two girls, one of those girls being lexi.

at first it wasnt so bad. yeah, 6 people (including myself) is a pain in the ass to cram into a 3 bedroom apartment, so yeah we had to make some space adjustments, but thats UNDERSTANDABLE. you expect that kind of thing to happen. we had a meeting in the beginning over what some people disliked and what rules to put in play. everything was peachy.

2 weeks or so later, everything started going to shit. i dont know how does it, if its all three of these girls or just one, two, it doesnt matter. whoever is doing it leaves food out on the kitchen counter for DAYS. it not only goes to waste and takes up space for people who want to use the counters / stove but its disgusting. secondly, theres this girl who doesnt do shit herself. shes spoiled by her family so shes REALLY bad about taking out the trash. one time it was literally falling out and she still wouldnt take it out. i wasnt going to take it out because i am NOT her father and im not taking that shit out for her. shes older than i am, she needs to learn. these girls have also used things without asking as well, and i find that incredibly frustrating. if its not yours, no matter what it is, ASK. especially if youre not putting money into paying for it

the most frustrating part about this is we’ve had TWO meetings about this with these girls, so theres no excuse. the first time it happened it was getting better for about a week, and then it went back to normal. the second time it seemed to get worse out of spite for us. all because we were asking to do a simple thing. they always claim that theyre never home but i know theyre home because whenever they are home, i could probably hear them from outside due to how loud they are. its ridiculous.

then there was a whole situation with one of the girls, her name is laura, who had something of hers moved towards the trash can. it wasnt trash and she was very upset about it and left it in a note. we told her that it wasnt us. lexi had also left a note saying that she had moved it off of her desk (she has a mac desktop that is EXTREMELY expensive and people use it as a coat rack basically along with the desk) to the dining room table and not the trash and also that the kitchen was disgusting (6 pots all on the counter half full of food for nearly a day). this bitch got all up in arms in her next note and threatened to take it to the RD and said that lexi basically lied even though she SPECIFICALLY said that she moved it to the table, not the trash

we want to move so bad. so we go to talk to someone about it today and, fortunately, they have a space open for us, but they still are forcing us to wait a week or so after hes talked to them about cleaning and things like that to see if things get better. yeah, maybe they clean some today, but its day one. that shit aint gonna last. it doesnt help that laura literally talks shit about lexi right in front of her. ever since the meeting too shes been making passive aggressive remarks about her RGIHT IN FRONT OF LEXI but she wont talk to her. she’ll just say it to someone else. and now shes putting dishes in the dishwasher but claiming she cant do them bc the dish cleaning pods arent hers and she doesnt wanna “get hell” for using them. NOBODY SAID YOU CANT USE THINGS. WE JUST SAID TO FUCKING ASK FIRST. OPEN ! YOUR ! EARS ! god i hate her. i hate her so much for being such a fucking child over such a simple concept

im so sorry about this rant guys im just so done i dont wanna wait a week i dont want to wait i wanted to be out weeks ago i hate these girls i hate what theyre doing to the best friend ive ever made here at college i hate how me and lexi organize ours schedules so we dont have to see them i hate that they wont stop being children I HATE IT I HATE LIVING HERE

[chickenfetus]

ALL!!!! (also the gemini sqUAD LOL)

im gonna enjoy a nice cup of water while doing this bc idk a tea (update i didnt drink water at all and now im dying of thirst,, also undercut bc many)

1: Golden mornings or peachy sunsets?

i dont wake up early enough to see the sunrise and when i do i never manage to take pics bc of school so peachy sunsets

2: Sugar cones or waffle cones?

idk what a sugar cone is but i like waffle cones!!! havent eaten ice cream with a cone in forever though,, i rarely eat ice cream now

3: Do you wear scarves often? do you have a favorite?

listen…. its about 33 degrees everyday but even if im in a colder country i dont wear scarves

4: How long do you lay in bed before you finally get up?

this depends?? on how motivated im feeling lmao never more than 10 minutes though because if i lay awake for that long ill just fall back asleep

5: Is there a food you’ve never had but always wanted to try?

i dont think so?? im bad at trying new things especially food

6: What does your umbrella look like?

i dont.. go outside often and whenever i do i take public transport so basically everythings sheltered so i never had a need for umbrellas

7: Do you listen to ASMR?

ive only listened to one everybody please listen to this gift

8: Rain storms or a light drizzle?

both, preferably when im indoors

9: What’s a little thing in life that you love?

hm??????????? my tags lmao 

UPDATE: i also really like reading other people’s tags and their rambles that is all

10: Favorite color aesthetic?

does the word aesthetic make this question any different from a normal favourite colour question???? if it doesnt then sky blue 

11: Wobbly lines or using a ruler?

in this house we draw lines with no ruler like men (but also because even if i did use a ruler it wouldnt be like�� straight idk i cant use rulers

12:  Bright colorful living room or neutral cozy living room?

neutral cozy living room but i also love basking in sunlight 

13: Do you have any candles? what scents are they?

im not a big fan of heavy smelling products so i dont own any candles

14: Have you ever rode a horse?

i dont think so??????? ive seen horses before though

15: Do you have glasses?

without my glasses i wouldnt be able to read these questions lmao and . .. theyre also a result of watching pokemon too closely to the tv at a young age… its been like 10 years since i got glasses

16: What’s a language you’d like to speak?

japanese i tried speaking it but i got 2 embarrassed to say anything properly while i was in japan (i cant even speak english properly to a friend whyd i think i could speak another language to a stranger beats me) 

17: What’s your favorite season and favorite month in that season?

my singaporean no season ass: ? but autumn and november (is this cutting it too close to winter? idk my seasons)

18: Do you have a favorite pair of socks?

hm not really i just wear blue ankle socks a lot but my friend did give me a pair of pokemon and gudetama socks before and i adore those although i lost the gudetama ones in the uk last year she got me another pair whatd i do to deserve her?

19: Favorite Ghibli and/or disney movie

m .. um? big. hero 6?????? 

20: Disney, Dreamworks, or Pixar?

my dumb ass didnt know they were different

21: What snacks do you usually get at the theater?

i rarely go and watch movies anymore but when i did watch a lot of movies with my friend at the theater we’d get afternoon shows and sneak mcdonalds in lmao

22: What’s an underrated video game/ movie/ show you love and think it needs more recognition?

how about band? day6 i only ever play pokemon + sif + bandori so i cant say much and i rarely watch movies and a show? if its an anime id say the one i mentioned before in my one text post 

23: Would you fill your house with plants if you had a green thumb?

not really rip 

24; All plants are great but do you have a favorite?

HM mmmmmm there was this one but i forgot the name lmao pass

25: Do you have a favorite type of art style? (eg: soft looking, no to little color, sketches, crisp and clean, minimalist, pixel art etc.)

when im the … audience? what do u call it???? i like seeing all kinda of art styles!!! everyone has their own unique art style and i love it all :o

for ME,, , ive been doing art for 6 years maybe and i still cant do shit

26: What would you do if someone gave you flowers?

i would die straight up die thats such a soft concept i cant imagine myself receiving flowers thats 2 sweet oh my god wtf id combust??? i prefer leaves though is that weird i picked some nice leaves recently and im gonna give those to my friends

27: Do you like nicknames?

giving and having nicknames is my favorite past time

28: Do you still watch shows you watched when you were a kid? even from time to time?

pokemon lmao thank u 4 not ending it…. the animation has only improved and im so proud to have been watching it since the start pokemon is my special thing i love it so much!! an interest that never died down, with an anime that stays super like idk to my preference? i tried watching the new digimon stuff but i just couldnt :^( im glad they made ash stay the main character 

29: Do you still like old memes? (tell the truth)

never forget dat boi

30: Favorite Halloween costume you dressed up as? (if you don’t celebrate halloween have you ever cosplayed or would you like to? who did you cosplay as?)

we dont celebrate halloween and i would never cosplay, big shoutout to cosplayers though!!! they put in so much effort and just, respect!!!!! 

i dont know if this is an actual memory because i dont remember well but when i was younger i thiNK? i had to dress up as a swan thing i have no clue i dont even remember the performance but i might have had to ?? and dance??? or act i dont remember everythings fuzzy but i dressed up a swan once? in kindergarten ????? 

31:  Are you a fashionable person?

i have the worst fashion sense and even though jeans are nice once again the weather here doesnt allow me to be as fashionable as i can be

32: Do you like watching holiday movies?

not realyyy??? the jack frost (rip) movie was ncie????

33:  Cookies or brownies?

i live 4 chocolate chip cookies but too much is . . not preferable

34: Do you blow in the cold air just to see your breath?

no i hate breathing in & out from my mouth

35: Do you find the crickets chirping outside your window relaxing?

WELL from the great cockroach ordeal last night id probably die bc we live in an apartment building so the only way id be hearing crickets would be if they were in the ROOM 

36: Do you like cobblestone streets?

my only knowledge of cobblestone is from minecraft so idk

37:  How often do you doodle?

when school was still relevant i would doodle as soon as i picked up a pencil lmao i try not to anymore bc i doodled on my math assignment and forgot to fucking erase it and my math teacher called me out

38: When was the last time you blew bubbles?

a year ago?? i dont remember but i do remember when i was younger id try and blow bubbles at the void deck do yall kno what that is its just a space near the lift lobby anyway i swallowed the soap thing idk u know how ur supposed to blow? well i sucked the soap in yum

39: What’s your favorite random piece of decor in your house and room?

in my room its the bed and in the house its the water bottle that contains water

40: Do you bite your fingernails off or clip them more often?

i………………………… i dont actualy kno how to clip my nails and my mum would kill me if i tried but i dont bite my nails either

41: Any birthmarks?

not that i know of

42: Thoughts on freckles?

ive never actually seen someone with freckles in public before but theyre good stuff i gueess?? i dont actually have an opinion on them? everyone says theyre cute and all but im just ??? not that i hate freckles tho if u have freckles? thats cool! 

43: First video game you ever played?

pokemon pearl?? either that or megaman on my ps3 OR the bomb square guy????? idk the game name but.. ya

44: what type of bird do you hear most often outside your door?

i dont know what the bird species are but theyre small black birds not crows idk

45: Do you use gifs/ memes a lot when replying to people?

memes yes gifs no bc im not lame like jen

46: Thoughts on spring?

no comment?? i mean? its nice??????? i guess ??? if we had a spring

47: Ideal temperature outside?

oh boy 20 degrees would be enough for me but its never gotten that low before sunny island’s life

48: Cloudy, partly cloudy, or clear skies?

i like clear skies when its bright! but not too sunny and not too warm!!!!! clouds are nice to look at too though

49: How often do you hear airplanes outside?

yeah we live near an airport i dont think anybody uses????

50: Do you enjoy windy days?

windy days are my SHIT back in school our basketball court was open spaced and whenevr wind blew we could feel it man thats the life right there but i hate windy days when im sitting at home bc it flows the curtains rigth into my face i like the feel of the wind and the smell of fresh air but… curtains in my face? not 2 great so rip i close all the windows lmao

okay thank u so much 4 asking falen i love you and wow this was a lot

[skiasurveys]

old myspace surveyyy

1. Last beverage: Iced tea

2. Last phone call: My mom i believe

3. Last song you listened to: Closer- the chainsmokers ft halsey

4. Last time you cried: today 

5. Have you dated someone twice: kind of.  my current boyfriend and i dated before but it was only like  2 weeks and then we didnt date again til 5 months later, and now were still together which has been 15 months. i dont really consider he first time an actual relationship lmao

6. Have you ever been cheated on: Not that I am aware of.

7. Kissed someone & regretted it: eh, my first kiss was awful

8. Have you lost someone special: yeah my dad died.

9. What are your three favorite colors: lilac, cyan, pink

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month: not in the past month

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list: yeah

12. How many kids do you want: none.

13. Do you want any pets: i have two cats

14. Do you want to change your name: yeah i do

15. What did you do for your last birthday: Had dinner with my boyfriends parents, then had a small party with a few friends and my boyfriend, but that was it. Wasnt so lit.

16. What time did you wake up today:  i woke up at 10 am i think

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for: to finally move out

18. Last time you saw your mother: um. like 10 minutes ago lol

19. Most visited webpage: youtube

20. Nicknames: Jen, Babygirl, i dont really have nicknames that much

21. Relationship status: Taken

22. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius 

23. Male or female: female

24. Height: 5′1 

25. Do you have a crush on someone: my boyfriend 

26. Piercings: I got my ears pierced when i was 18 but i took it out apparently too soon and they shut.  I am going to get them redone but im just lazy

27. Tattoos: none as of now

28. Strong or Weak:  physically or emotionally..haha..

FIRSTS

29. First surgery: wisdom teeth

30. First best friend:  Eric or Reis 

31. First sport you joined: softball when i was 7/8

32. First vacation: British columbia when  i was 4/5

33. First school: Joseph welsh 

34. First pair of trainers: If trainers you mean shoes but in a british lingo..uhh i dont know. DC shoes? those ugly fat skater shoes.

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes: eyes

36. Hugs or kisses: honestly both, but idk it depends. sometimes i love hugs because i like feeling him hold me and against me , but kisses are so sweet

37. Shorter or taller: taller

38. Older or younger: older

39. Romantic or spontaneous: both

40. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

41. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.

42. Shy or outgoing: a bit of both. im really outgoing so in a relationship it doesnt matter for me. but i dont really like people who cant make conversations at all..

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger: I dont think so.

44. Gotten a speeding ticket: No

45. Lost glasses/contacts: i dont wear glasses or contacts

46. Sex on first date: nope. but oral sex yeah.

47. Broken someone’s heart:  i have but whatever.

48. Been arrested: No

49. Have you turned someone down:  yeah but thats cause this dude wouldnt stop trying to date me and the funny part is he didnt even live in the same fucking city as me so idk why he kept trying so hard. I also had a dude back in highschool who i still chat with try to date me but ive turned him down couple of times but he knows now.

50. Fallen for a friend: not really.

51. Moved out of town: no

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles: ehhh

53. Love at first sight: no. but i mean i know when i first met my boyfriend i was like oh hell yeah. but its not love.

54. Heaven: yeah

55. Santa Claus:  no and never have.

56. Kiss on the first date:  sure. ive done it. idk how you cant believe in a kiss?? lmao

57. Angels:  yeah

58. Yourself: no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: no.

60. Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?: yeah but not “in love”.

61. Ever cheated on somebody: No i am not a cunt.

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: i would love to relive my first date with Connor, i dont know why. i wouldnt change anything but that day was really awesome.

63. Are you afraid of falling in love: No. 

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?  well i guess, since i am in a different one right? it wasnt a mistake per-say but he was a waste of time. 

65. Do you miss your last relationship? god no.

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?

connor, the other day <3

67. Have you ever been depressed?  yeah i have depression.

68. Are you insecure? yeah but im getting better.

69. How do you want to die? in my bed, while asleep.

70. Do you bite your nails?  lol i am currently.

71. When was your last physical fight? Ive never really had one.

72. Do you have an attitude? yeah. i can have one.

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti? twirl if i ever eat it. i hate spaghetti. Connor loves it though..

74. Do you tan a lot? eh no

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving? yeah usually while on a trip

76. Ever made out in a bathroom? yeah.

77. Would you take any of your exes back? Not at all! Barf.

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? depends on the time.

79. What are your plans for this weekend? it is the weekend currently, nothing is planned.

80. Do you type fast? yeah

81. Can you spell well?  i think i do.

82: What are you craving right now? nothing actually.

83. Have you ever been on a horse? yeah a few times.

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?  yeah my boyfriend lmao

85. What’s irritating you right now? my dry skin atm.

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts? yeah.

87. Does somebody love you? yeah my man does. lmao

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car? a few times

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?  milk. white chocolate is nasty

90. Do you have trust issues?  i kind of do.

91. Longest relationship? my one i am in currently which so far is a one year and 3 months

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? i am sure he thinks about me every so often, i mean i sometimes think about them for no reason and not the “i miss you” thinking just like something reminds me of them or whatver. Im sure they think of me sometime. i dont really care lol

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs? yah lol

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? no

95. Did you have dream last night?  yeah i dont remember it anymore

96. Have you ever been out of state? yeah

97. Do you play the Wii? eh not anymore. i dont like the wii or the wii u, i tried to like the nintendo products but i am more into Playstation ;)

98. Do you like Chinese food?  i do

99. Are you afraid of the dark?  sometimes

100. Is cheating ever okay? No.

101. What year has been your best? 2015 so far and 2016 wasnt really so bad.

102. Do you believe in true love? yeah i guess

103. Favorite weather? fall weather. where its warm but kind of cloudy, where you can wear whatever you want and you wont be too cold or too warm. 

104. Do you like the snow? NO

105. Do you like the outside? yeah i do.

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? yeah i like when connor does

107. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? yes

108. What makes you happy? cats

109. Ever been to Alaska? no

110. Ever been to Hawaii? no 

111. Do you watch the news? usually like to keep an eye on whats happening with the world. like now.

112. Do you love MTV? no

113. Do you like subway? yeah but its not my fav anymore. but i do crave it randomly

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? no lol were dating.

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? well my best friend of the opposite sex is my boyfriend..so...

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz? im bored

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them? yeah actually one time my mom and i were shopping and we saw this crazy lady that we know. and so we kept avoiding here while we were grocery shopping and we actually got away lol thank god. she is so annoying. When my dad died she told my mom she had to get rid of his pictures. like mcfuck off.

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? yeah a few 

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? connor

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Jennifer

121. Ever bought condoms? no. we dont use condoms 

122. Ever gotten pregnant? No. thank god

123. Have you ever slipped on ice? im sure

124 Have you ever missed the bus? yeah

125. Have you left the house without money? i have once. i was working too and on my break i was heading to get food and then i realized i forgot my wallet. -___-

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes? no. just weed.

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar? no 

128. Did you ever drink alcohol? yeah of course.

129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”?  yes. one of my favs

130. Have you ever been overweight? last year i went on medication that made me gain 20 pounds, but i lost all that weight now thank god. I wasnt over weight but i was kind of chubby. Im back to my skinny-self thank god! 

131. Ever been to a wedding? yeah

132. Ever been in a wedding? yeah my cousin got married in 2013 and asked my sister and i to be apart of it. worst idea ever. We werent really apart of it. she had her friends in it and my sister and i were just kind of the side bridemaids..yah weird.

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight? yeah back when i didnt have an ipad or iphone.

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight?  i sometimes binge netflix when im with my boyfriend

135. Ever kissed in the rain? no

136. Did you ever shower with someone else? yeah i have with my boyfriend. it was really intimate lol

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test?  i have only ever failed the written exam where they ask you all that stupid shit and you have to remember speed and signs. but my actualy drivig test, i passed first try!

138. Ever been outside your home country? yeah to canada

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? yeah we used to drive to vancouver or south BC which would take 13 hours.

140. Ever been to a professional sports game? NO

141. Have you ever broken a bone? no surprisingly i havent. even though i got hit by a car..

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life? no :(

143. Ever get engaged? no

144. Have you ever been on a diet? kind of.

145. Have you ever been on TV? kind of. not really.

146. Ever ridden in a taxi? yeah. with my boyfriend, its really awkward and weird...

147. Ever been to prom? we dont have prom here in canada but we do get dressed up in nice dresses and have dinner and a dance, but not prom. But yeah i did go.

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more? yeah i think 2 days 

149 Have you ever been to a concert? yeah. my first was...Jonas brothers...BARFFF. thanks 12 year old me -.-

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work? i did have a little crush on the security guard. but not a big crush.

151. Have you ever been in a car accident?  i got hit by a car

152. Ever had braces? yeah from 12-14. (gr.6-8)

153. Did you ever learn another language? i tried french. but i cant speak it. i gave up. I wish i could learn something different.

154. Do you wear make-up? yeah. 

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out? yeah when i was 18 i got put completely out and had surgery to get them out.

156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself? yeah. 

157. Ever dyed your hair? yeah ive dyed it reddish, darker brown, fire ombre (look it up it was awesome), blonde, ash blonde, blonde with purple tips and then now i just dyed it back to brown which is its natural colour. i like it blonde but im starting to like it back at its natural state.

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes? yeah ive worn my sisters clothes

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance? no

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter? no

161. Ever caught the stove on fire? no

162. Ever meet someone famous? no

163. Ever been on an airplane? yeah i was only on a plane from here (canada) to california and back. but thats it. my first time it was really nerve-racking, but on the way back it was chill. i dont like being that high up lol

164. Ever been on a boat? yeah a few times. its kay

165. Ever broken something expensive? no

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14? no. my first actual kiss wasnt til i was 18..lol

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground? yeah my fucking life.

[neopuff]

riverdale ep 1-3

these twins always make me >___>

oh yeah i knew jason was gonna die

this is very artsy

i thought he was murdered

oh

tragedy

oh......a mom for veronica

what is a...chocolate shoppe? and why? does it sell? burgers?

is veronica the new kid

OH KEVIN

the gay kid gweiopubgoewgnew

the acting in this is terrible

the archie actor is clearly not a real ginger so i approve of this casting lmao

“to pass time i started composing poems in my head” shut up archie

archie: says anything betty: amazing!

lmao

betty: ive been thinking about us- archie: is that a hot bitch i see

“we do, both of us, together”

omg

GNOIWPEGWE BETTY’S FACE IS KILLING ME

awkward

oh....archies dad

thats not archies dad

archies dad got that fat gut

“im a sophomore’ BITCH NO UR NOT

SHES GOTTA BE LIKE 25 LMAAAOO whaaatt

im still dying theyre supposed to be 15 gwenpiubgewo;gwe

“gay, thank god, lets be best friends” im gonna piss and die

wow

love these pussycats

“ive had every flavor of boy except orange” its better that

waywiongubwepogn;wegew

ARCHIE AND GRUNDY IM DYING!!!!

IM GONNA FUCKINGGG DIIEEEE

GRUNDYINOGEW;EWL

im pissing im

DYING

shes the music teacher

why wouldnt they just make up a new teacherniogwepng;ew WHY IS SHE MS GRUNDY!!!

oh

archies dad/veronicas mom have a....history

“chose the rich kid”

wow

so many divorced parents

outdoor cafeteria

when will i see a high school that has one of these forreal

i assume its a west coast or south us thing

kevin: refers to cheryl as a widow me: i called the JOKES

“is cheerleading still a thing?” “is being the gay best friend still a thing”

the dialogue in this show is terrible its so funny

im glad betty/ronnie is a good ship

grundy is all turned on by archies music

this is so gross and im DYING

“i dont think thats a good idea” cuz u fucked a 15 year old bitch

oh

theyre not talking about the fucking

did cheryl murder her brother

why doesnt just one of them say it and not mention the other

bitch ur the only one who’d get in trouble ur an ADULT

that was so lackluster

wow

GNIWEUPGEW;OGWE

CHERYL’S FACEGNIEW;GEW

like yeah....not the kind of heat i meant :\

oh

im glad cheryls the villain i always hated her

wow

veronica: i know who u are [has known her for 2 minutes]

this dialogue is so unnatural and bad its cracking me tf up

get WRECKED cheryl

veronica: betty and i come as a matching set

i bet u do

time for football

“what you got something better to do” dont be rude

awww

“why did you defend me” just accept the kindness u fool

man

i like mr lodge

this is very awkward

was polly a character in the comics i dont remember her

WOW

“both of us” gewinouogbewgew

im DYING

in the headspace

“archiekins” gweinouobgweo;ngew

wow

“cheryl blossoms cheerleading squad.......”

bettys mom is so annoying

she sounds familiar

oh

mr lodge just sent a lotta money their way

why did the coach call his dad

he said hed give him a day

impatient ass

archies dad is just like :\

:/

:\

:/

these actors dont look related at all

which is funny to me

oh good its the pill in ibiza song

omg

i love that veronica is the speech giver in this show

moose/kevin gwiuebogiwgew

where is REGGIE

my SON

wow

openly talking about the illegal secrets at a big party

i just realized reggie is the asian guy

i didnt hear his name and couldnt figure out who tf that was gweopiubgwe;ngwe

im a fool

whered ronnie go

dancing with the gay guy, god

“i have this fantasy of us as a power couple” who asks someone out like that

STOP STARING AT GRUNDY

this is super awkward

cheryl is gonna murder...everyone

they could just

chill

“cheryl blossom truly is...the antichrist” just all her a bitch like a normal person

“we’re not just friends we’re best friends” shut up archie

wOW

hes NEVER FELT for betty

if these two make out i s2g

once they kiss cheryls gonna open the door

foolish children

ronnie dont DO IT

foolish

sighs

boring

what how tf would she know they made out

did they not come out at exactly 7 minutes

ok but wheres betty

oh hey jughead

i like jugheads not-crown

oh

now shes goin straight for love

“of course i love you” hes being so...obtuse

annoying

oh

ok now its about not being good enough

sure

did they find jayjay

and look at that

he got shot in the head

probably by his sister

ok

its obvious cheryl did it

im sure theyll switch it up like somehow it was secretly jughead

but it was cheryl

ok ep 2

fgewgw

why were they even fuckin at 6 am

cant believe they made moose gay

i forgot his gf’s name in the comicsniguwebgew

god

the actor that played jason was so uggo

GEWNIOG;EW SHARING A SHAKE WITH HIS TWIN SISTER!!!

maybe someone shot him for being so openly incestuous with his creepy sister

i know its like plagueing archie now but i feel like this should help him

“are you up?” “no” “youre killing your mother”

he went to grundys house

weird

and hes shirtless

“you could be expelled” “we could go to jail” NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS WOULD HAPPEN TO HIM!!!

pedophilia is not a two way street

oh

bettys mom is...the worst

betty plz dont talk to your bitch mother about your life

i love archies eyebrows

i hope this is the end of archie/betty forever

wow

“sardonic humor”

oh

bye jughead

oh

is kevin not out to his dad

“the yellows for friendship” sure

veronica is so aggressively into this friendship

YAYYY

the otp stays together

wow

betty u are a fool

that is your future WIFE

oh

hi mr weatherbee

cheryl is wearing a spider pin gewoinubgewlngkew

CHERYL

archie and mr weatherbee just gonna

make eyes

jughead: archie you KILLED him

fewijohuog

HE THINKS ARCHIE DID IT

no jughead i was just fucking the hot prof

jughead: ew

fewiougobewgno;ewlgew

kevin moose is your new bf

“fate throws us together” ok

wow

why is he rejecting moose

because hes in the closet???

hes clearly trying to come out cmon

oh

everyones terrified of cheryl now so thats good

oh

bettys mom

“i ship it” why

“moose has an official girlfriend...mitch” i feel like i heard this line wrong

oh, betty

dont cry sweetums

“im supposed to say yes” THE DIALOGUE

ronnie is trying so hard with these dramatic white ppl

really

they couldnt even keep weatherbee fat

is this channel afraid of fat ppl

wow

does this bitch just sit in her empty ass music room all day

is she not really even a teacher

DONT TALK ABOUT FEELINGS

YALL ARE GROSS!!!!

disgusting

bitch get a dog and leave teenagers alone

WOW

WOW LMAAAAOOOOOOOO

AAAAAAA

JUGHEAD: WHAT!! GROSS!!! WTF!!!

this is not high school cheerleading

one of the girls here actually looks like a high schooler

cheryl just called herself exoticgewiongewiogew; CUZ YOURE A GINGER? BITCH

i die

oh

betty why

wOW

betty dont do this

cheryls a crazy ho

i know theyll make up by the end of the ep but still

“like we were meant to be best friends” gweniguebwg

2nd grade tutor

gewinogubwegw

“oh, little archie-” little archiewgn;klew I DIE

references are what i live for

i cant believe betty let cheryl into her house

wheres her mom to scream and chase her out

welp

there goes that

betty dont let her into ur HOME

oh

whats betty doing

“BEFORE I KILL YOU” BETTY

terrible thing to say

are they not friends because archie stood him up

cougarngiewgew

SHES A PEDOPHILE

awkward

i guess bettys mom coulda killed jason

“sometimes a friend is better than a boyfriend” actually, always, not sometimes

oh reggies finally doin something

gonna keep up the reggie/jughead rivalry

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

ok

“you wanna d the right thing” the way archie said that made it sound like he wants to fuck her and she doesnt want to

but whatever

so does jughead and bettys friendship not exist in this universe

nod like douches and mutually suppress our emotions

wow

this dialogue is still awful its so funny

i hope it never improves purely for my amusement

out door pep rally...

[dances]

fewiulgbew

AHH HONEY HONEY

YOU ARE MY

CAAAANDY GIIIIIIRL

good shit

oh

cheryls having a Time

god the kid that plays jason is so uggo

oh

bye cheryl

finally getting a genuine emotional response from her

were they gonna fake his death for attention but then he was actually dead

yayyy

make up

veronica is over here like “betty and i were destined to be friends” and betty is like “im sure we wont know each other in a week”

aww archie and jughead back 2gedda

does jughead know betty or not

wheres the jughead/betty brotp of my past

veronica and jughead: interact me: yes...

im glad that, unlike in the comics, archie is not dating both girls at once and then also every other girl he meets

where ya goin weatherbee

wha

A CHALKBOARD LOL

i doubt a school like this would have a chalkboard instead of a smartboard

oh

did she do it

gasp

im sticking with my fake death for the attention theory

OK LAST EP

im enjoying this show

but i dont think i could take multiple Dramatic Teen Shows

how could cheryl be wearing that skirt in public school

“the plan was bananas”

oh

jason just wanted.....to leave

thats fine

oh

who got shot

gwneio;glkwe

in my neighborhood it wouldve just been the hunters

is archie gonna have a shiner for the rest of the show

oh

is betty not poor as shit in this universe?

i shouldve guessed from her moms outfits

“a lois lane type like you” nice and ronnie can be clark kent

omg leave grundy alone so she can die in hell

wha

why didnt you just say that you were alone

oh

dog

ok

a date....

oh

hes hot

good call, ronnie

CHUCK CLAYTON

“hes kind of a player” dont be racist, betty

he is hot as hell tho

awww “juggie”

finally jughead and betty are 2gedda

jughead you need shit for your college applications

oh right, dilton

what

“im not ten years old” but you are 15 which is not very different

so if chuck is in the show is nancy gonna be around too

ronnie/chuck is a good ship

“to OUR relationship” shut the fuck you youre a pedophile

wow

the sticky maple....

wow

chuck was cute

ronnie is gonna tear him apart

man

why does chuck have to be a dick!!! chuck was always a nice guy

fewionpgnew

betty: [COVERS FACE]

destroy him

PUNCH HIM

why is chuck a villain im bothered but also hes the worst destroy him

this terrible au version of chuck is terrible

“nothing is off the table...except for my body” weiugblewnkg

i love the pussycats

is this every other girl chuck did this to

oh

its ethel

hi cheryl

go away

lmao

whose this kid

wow

ok jughead

dont steal his ice cream

oh

dilton shot a gun gwoinegbpweo;nglwe

survivalist?!?! DILTON

IM DYING

HES A TECHNOLOGY OBSESSED NERD

why do the pussycats roll their eyes at josie

“a bnd with b&v”

did they find...ze book

so the football players dont even fuck the girls its just about getting a date and a selfie???

oh

cheryl, doubting her brother

what

just take the book

why not...just take the book

powerful

bettys rly lucky her mom isnt violent

(for now)

oh

she looks super awkward in that

omg

the sound of bettys lil demons in her head

“and a hot tub....”

this is such an awkward conversation

just imagining this with real 15 year olds is ridiculous

oh hey ronnie

chuck youre so fucking stupid

shes wearing a swimsuit and heels this is CLEARLY A TRAP

GWENOIGO;NEW

BETTY

black is not a good hair color

ronnie: im so turned on

GEWNIOG;EWG

SLAP!!!!

i just realized why archies dad is so familiar

he was on generator rex AND clone high

love it

part of me always liked archie/josie

15 is not late wtf

“slut shaming...its what they call it when sluts get shamed” wow

when does bettys mom get murdered

um

are they gonna burn him

UM

um

betty

LMAO

shes fine shes just pissed

awww

dads gonna support u now

must be NICE

gweoniugbweo;gew bettys face when ronnie said she called chuck “jason” was so funny

are they gonna do some she went off her meDS OO---OOOHHHA AAAHHH TERRIBLE BEAST

#burn it

cheryl tryin to make up for ze past

i still hate her idc

omg when does grundy get murdered too im done with this pedophilia subplot

STAY AWAY

FROM THE CHILD!!!

-___-

dilton you fool

im happy juggie and betty are hanging out

oh

dont mention ms grundys car

NO

YOU

FOOL!!!!

im tired of this pedophile plz shoot her next

ok im all caught up

whens the next episode

[yuissamidare]

aight aight lets do this

zombie au

i wanted??? to develop the side characters more because i love them and they make me super happy when they get on screen and i went to sleep and woke up in the dead of night like. Ah. I Know.

the gist was dekapan creates a virus that mimics those weird wasp things that inject venom in caterpillars and wasps and leave them zombie-fied until they end up sacrificing themselves for the wasps babies. it works like my theory for gakkou gurashi and idk the zombies should follow their everyday routine expect that they also kill people. i’ve scrapped that idea and like, recreated how the zombies work but shhhh this part is a Super Secret.

he’s having trouble with money and! he loves science! he loves messing up and starting over and finding that one xyz fit that makes everything click how he wants to! but that costs money, and it’s money he doesnt have, so? he calls a kid he used to babysit and get along with for some help. hatabou gets him a job with a sketchy government probably trying to cure the common cold or make it impossible to burn your skin in the sun or something so of course he does the work given to him, because money is money, but the moment it gets on tv and is announced to the world dekapan calls everyone like 'hey guys dont take the vaccine something fuckys going on' and then the zombie outbreak starts and everyone gets split up and they find each other eventually after Bad Things and everyone gets fucked up about it.

people who we dont get to see pair up find each other and begrudgingly work together.

jyushimatsu and todomatsu are w matsuyo!! she has them go on a trip to the mall with her, and it’s very densely packed and a trains ride from home  (jyushimatsus here to carry bags and todomatsus here bc oohhh a mall far away). the outbreak happens while theyre in the mall, and momma and todomatsu get separated from jyushimatsu for a little while -- they do find him again, and momma decks a zombie in the face. todomatsu cries. if i were to write this, i’d focus like??? 2 - 3 chapters focusing on them being in the mall, finding a group of other survivors, and then leaving the group. depending on length and my Stamina which is. not good.

next group is totoko and karamatsu!!! and. its not because of.... anything. but totoko!! if anything is really strong and i can see her carrying an iron will and inspiring other people to follow he lead and! i like the dynamic they had with that like One Interaction. idk the beginning all too well?? like how they meet up and stick together, but i have everything after that pretty clear in my head. this would be??? the second arc of the story maybe? it take a while for them to actually get along and things go Bad in the start because ahaha karamatsu is a Fuck Up, and after that karamatsu just stops trying to talk to her and just trails behind while totoko vehemently refuses to let him help her with anything. and i actually?? dont wanna say too much about this because. ITS SURPRISE. but after they start getting along karamatsu gives her a fishbone braid, and she talks about missing her brother and they do some Feelings Talk.

idk what the fuck to do with osomatsu, ichimatsu, and choromatsu??? someones learning medicine and surgery from dekapan, someones getting yelled at by chibita while hatabou mediates, and someone starts stealing things with iyami and then starts crying in the back of his van after a close call, but idk who because they all keep flip flopping positions in my head. like, at first ichimatsu was getting yelled at, but then i put him with iyami, but then im like ‘ohhh doctor ichimatsu’. then osomatsu was with chibita n hatabou, then i was like ‘but oh he and iyami have a great dyamic’. and choromatsu was with dekapan at first bt then i was :/ with that and put him with chibita. those three are hecking me up idk what to do.

paranormal investigators

 We Are All Dependant On Our Brothers

the matsuno bros start up a ghost bustin company thats set up in a run down project and they’re all crowed up in a shitty apartment funded by hatabou and todomatsus part time job with equipment provided by dekapan because after high school it was decided that ‘shit lets hunt some ghost’ and everyone was like ‘yea sure.’

it was spawned by a dream i had where choromatsu and karamatsu are on a case and choros like 'k we gotta distract the ghost' and karas like 'got it' and while choros doing. whatever. karamatsu comes out in a bathrobe and sashays like 'ooh noo ;)) i sure hope no ghosts are going to get me while im naked and vulnerable ;)))' and choros like. 'who gave you permission to be such garbage.' and. oh. he did. 

and then later in the day a stray thought where osomatsu and karamatsu got confronted by a ghost thats like ‘ICHIMATSU MATSUNO!!! YOU, MY ENEMY WHOVE IVE TRACED DOWN FROM BARBADOS TO THE ARAN ISLANDS TO-’ then osomatsu cuts him off like ‘bro we arent ichimatsu’ and the three of them stare at each other for ten minutes before karamatsu offers to call him for the ghost and the ghost is like ‘!!!! could you?? i mean, im still damning you both to hell but’ and then ichimatsu picks up the phone, and as soon as the ghost starts talking he expels it in 0.0000000000000000000000001 seconds.

superheros

the brothers are b-rate superheros who end up in the newspapers sometimes. iyami and chibitas That Dude who ends up in hostage situations all the time and begrudgingly drive them home and make sure they eat even though they claims to hate them. its actually.... based of the storyline for my ocs so i wont actually talk about that again. nnu9mubvufe8n.

again, they live in a shit ass project but they live right next door to each other instead of crowding in One Apartment, its two with three each. they are all actively looking for day jobs because while the government pays well they struggle being adults. but this time adults with superpowers.

rpg/video game

like. back in the naru.to fandom there was a point where video game aus were really popular, like the whole grinding/gaining stats/unlocking new areas thing n all that and it surprisingly worked really well when written right?. so i was thinking about that and spacing out and i was like Oh Fuck. so this au got birthed. osomatsus the king, karas the knight, jyushi is a prince who gets kidnapped, ichis prince #2, choromatsus a wandering mage, n todos the royal advisor. 

jyushimatsu gets kidnapped in the dead of night, and osomatsus like ‘what the flying fuck karamatsu get over here lets go get him back.’ so they leave, and have ichimatsu look after the kingdom for him. hes like 'wait what please im' and is thrust into power anyways. he and todomatsu are surprisingly competent leaders and the kingdom does really good under him, even better than with osomatsu?? though he locked himself in his room for the first week and todomatsu just kept banging on the door OPEN UP YOU FUCK YOU HAVE PAPERWORK. and its an insanely huge amount because osomatsu keeps putting it off unless someone watches him and he does all the stuff like funding the armies and expanding territories before stuff like regulating taxes and funding schools and hospitals.

jyushimatsu escapes on his own after a day n is like HMMMM HOW TO GET HOME..... but then he enters a little run down village and meets homura and falls In Love and they spend time together and he eventually just forgets to come home because hes so happy with her

meanwhile with the idiot eldest duo. karamatsu doesnt know how to fucking.... spend money so when they meet choromatsu whos like the stop n shop npc he gives him all the money he has for an enchanted pair of ankle warmers that he could put his face on and that can react to his emotions. osomatsus like ‘what the entire fuck bro’ and goes to get their money back, but then ends up spending all his money on a charm thatll increase his gambling luck.

‘we’ve been bamboozled, my dearest king. our money taken right before our eyes as a miser deceived us and robbed us of everything we’re worth,’ ‘wanna beat him up, karamatsu?’ ‘of course i do.’

choromatsus like ????? wtf its not my fault you two dont know how to spend money. but they fight, and osomatsus like ‘join our party!!’ and they take a few days to convince him but he does join and he and osomatsu hit it off really well, and osomatsu decided after everything, hes going to adopt choromatsu. 

(’but we’re the same age, my king’ karamatsu says in response to his proposal. 

‘FINE, then ill get mom to adopt him, geez.’ 

then they meet chibita and n chibita and karamatsus like ‘if youre taking choromatsu, im taking chibita in if he says yes’ and osomatsus like ‘ask mom first’)

the three of them go to the place jyushimatsu was taken to, beat everyone up, and then realize he isnt there. so they just. dejectedly walk into a nearby village for rest and chibita gives them free beer.

they meet jyshimatsu an hour later on a date with homura and yes. they decide to adopt her as a sister too. (is someone marrying into your family considered adoption?? idk but everyones family now, no excuses.)

royalty/split at birth

i hate angst i just wish everyone could be happy, i say as i look through my notebook with angsty plot points as i reference my life.

the gist is: the cold color trio living in slums rather than a palace but then oso finds out OH SHIT WE HAVE MORE BROTHERS WE GO GET THEM and everyones stressed the fuck out

as soon as osomatsu finds out he has troops scour the kingdom for the them, with the directions ‘there are three more people with my face, go get em’ and he sends troops out. to everyone outside the castle this is a very ?????!!!!!!!!!! thing???because the royal family has solidified themselves as Bad Selfish people who tax unfairly and dont care about the poor. like, the rich people are all like oh! i wonder what the royal family is planning theyre so good to our kingdom ha ha! while the poor people are freaking the fuck out.

the cold colors only get a brief warning about the troops coming and the first thing ichimatsu does when he hears this is go and break all the fancy plates and choromatsus like ‘wtf are you doing!!!’ and ichimatsu just looks at him like ‘i love and respect my family so im doing what i need to’ and karamatsu takes that as his cue to take his mothers valuables and hide them under the floorboards and in the walls where the stucco breaks away and choromatsu writes a note to their mom Just In Case.

they actually do get taken and theyre fucking shocked. like, instead of the royals taking everyones valuables like they expected, theyre taking them??? and the troops are no help theyre just like ‘kay go take two sets of coats and three sets of day wear’ and they have them leave straight away.

an abrupt abduction is gonna stir up shit in the village especially if they only take the boys and leave their parents and friends. imagine how paranoid they'll be. ‘oh no what if im going next' 'i hear that theyre taking our boys now and selling them off to foreign labor' 'theyre taking our children as punishment for not being able to afford tax' ‘i heard things breaking in their home what if they got taken away for resisting’

imagine all the drama and discomfort theyll feel when they see the other bros living in the lap of luxury why their friends and family suffer like :)))

its frustrating and tense for everyone because osomatsu expected them to integrate without issue. jyushimatsu doesnt understand why they get so mad at him and refuse to be his friend. todomatsu doesnt understand why all these poor people are a problem. as long as youre happy and healthy it's fine! theres no need to concern yourself with what doesnt directly affect you. if you dont see it its not happening so its best to ignore it.

ballet

osomatsu does ballet again and is happy and has found something he loves and enjoys and everyone supports him. basically, he starts feeling nostalgic and then starts watching youtube videos and goes ‘haha pah! i can do that’ and then he realizes ‘holy shit this is something i wanna spend the rest of my life doing’

sophie even wrote a fic about it and its great and every time i read it my heart pounds ten thousand times a second and i start smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

detectives

jyushimatsu’s an overworked forensic scientist, choromatsu’s an exasperated detective, osomatsus is watson, todomatsu’s head of the branch, and ???? ichimatsu where are you??

karamatsu’s fucking dead but he aint important.

they solve mysteries n do detective stuff.

theres also another au thats like platonic soulmate thing but eh