#my nerd flag is flying HIGH in this

[brotherwtf]

Gale "I love you" Cleven

John "I know" Egan

clegan star wars au anyone?

I want John basically just the same as Han Solo, and Gale like a mix between Leia and Luke (diplomat who's trying to learn the ways of the force)

something something they get thrown together and John is insufferable in trying to get Gale to fall in love with him, Gale initially doesn't fall for it until a rough mission or smth and Gale finally allows John to kiss him

frozen in Carbonite? hell yeah imagine the angst

reunited when Gale comes to rescue John from being frozen in carbonite? "who are you?" "someone you love" GOD nerd flag is flying high rn

lmk y'all's hcs for star wars clegan! I'm obsessing over it rn I can't get them off my mind

[bump1nthen1ght]

may i request a drabble of a reader (any gender or lack therof that you please) with a goblin partner, maybe with a meet cute in a research/academic setting? Thank you so much :)

Of course Anon! We need more goblin stuff in the world. I also loooved doing stuff in an academic setting, as y'all can tell my inner nerd came out in some parts of this piece. Hope you enjoy!

Gender Neutral!Reader x Nonbinary! Goblin: Meet cute

You have a complicated relationship with your University’s library.

On one hand, you love it. It’s big, close to your apartment, and astoundingly beautiful. The architecture feels like it's ripped straight from the 20th century, with vaulted ceilings, dark wood and stained glass windows. The dustiness and history is perfect for setting the studying mood, the library never getting too rowdy even during its most crowded time.

On the other hand, it’s so fucking old that nothing is done efficiently. The bookshelves are all stretched up to the ceiling with no regards to the non-flying species students and the categorical system is ancient enough that there are no computer versions of anything. If you’re looking for a book you just pray it's been properly shelved, low to the ground, with big obvious letters. Otherwise you have to flag down the librarian or one of her many assistants.

Today is one of those days where your complex feelings come to a head. Yeah, the atmosphere has certainly stirred you to read those archived experimental reviews you’ve been procrastinating. And yes, you have no idea where to find it because the First Last Name in the paper starts with an X and you’ve got NO clue where it is. You’ve been wandering 20 minutes; spending 15 minutes trying to convince yourself you don’t need help and another five trying to find an assistant to guide you.

You finally come upon a step ladder, ridden by a small figure around 10 feet above you.

“Excuse me!” You whisper-scream. The assistants' large, green ears perk up, and one swivels back to better hear you. “Do you perchance know where I could find articles by a Dr. Xander?”

The assistant’s tail fidgets back and forth, ears turning back before they finally lean back and look down at you. Even from so far up, their yellow eyes seem to glow in the shadowed ceiling.

“Sorry, what was that?” The goblin assistant whisper-screams back.

“Um, Dr. Xander-” You say at your normal tone, promptly shushed by someone another bookshelf over. You huff and go back to whispering. “A Dr. Xander? It’s a scientific article but I couldn’t find the X section-”

“What?” The assistant says again, now speaking normally, craning their back and pointing their ear downward.

“Dr. Xander-” Another shush. Jeez, why can they speak normally but not you? “Dr. Xanders article about in the most recent Science?”

The assistant leans down further, mouth opening for another “What?” When the step ladder begins to shudder and shake. Your brain goes into bullet time, seeing the assistants flailing arms trying to regain their grip in slow motion as you grab the bottom of the step ladder to steady it. But the momentum forward only makes the goblin’s feet slip off the sides, throwing them backward and falling down.

Your heels scuff against the carpet as you propel back as well, arms thrown out in your own attempt to balance yourself. The goblin screeches at a high pitch and you yelp, realizing how fast and far they are coming at you. But as if possessed by a cheerleader, You outstretch your arms, bracing your stomach and clenching you legs.

The colors are all a blur, but you somehow keep your eyes open, only coming back into focus when looking down.

The goblin breathes heavily in your arms, bright yellow eyes wide with slitted pupils. A dark green blush paints their cheeks, your arms having scooped them down in a bridal position, faces a romantic distance away from each other.

You feel your own face get hot with embarrassment and adrenaline, still shocked you were able to catch them at all.

“Uhm, you can let me down now.” They whisper.

You bumble through a “Oh yeah, of course”, bareky making sensible words as you let them down. Blood pumping so hard you can practically feel it in your veins.

The assistant straightens out their vest, brushing their hair back into it’s combed style and taking a deep breath. If not for their thrashing tail, you wouldn't have thought the fall barely phased them.

“Thank you very much for..catching me. I imagine that would’ve been quite the injury if you had not.”

“Oh yeah! No problem, no problem.” You mutter, fiddling with the hem of your T-shirt. Their eyes are so bright, their demeanor so smart, it only adds to your flustered state. “Happy to help.”

“Indeed, it is most appreciated.” They tuck a loose strand of hair behind their ear. “Now that I’m down here, what can I help you with?” Utterly shocked by their resounding professionalism, you stammer out the Last Name your looking for. “Ah, that should be in the fourth stack back there, on the 5th shelf. I’ll lead you to it, the lights are busted in that section so it can be a bit difficult to navigate.”

“Oh, thats alright. I don’t want to be a bother-”

They hold out their palm, just the slightest bit indignant.

“I insist.” Their pleated shoes click as they shuffle past you. You pull up the strap of your backpack, trying to brush back your own hair to seem as put together as they are.

The two of you scurry past several larger than life bookshelves, taking several sharp turns in a random order. You become thankful on the assistant insiting they help; you definitely would’ve gotten lost.

“May I ask what your researching? If it is not too invasive a question.”

“Yeah, of course! I’m actually interning in Dr. Close’s lab right now, working with hummingbirds.” The assistant takes another sharp turn, leaving to follow their tail as a waypoint. “This paper has some interesting data, so I’m trying to see if it can inform my future research. I’m trying to dive more into torpor.”

“Fascinating.” They murmur, finally stopping at a bookshelf, gazing upwards towards a higher shelf. “And what got you interested in it?”

Your lips curl up in a smile, that giddiness when talking about your field.

“Well, hummingbirds already have a crazy metabolism, so the fact they can just slow it and their heart rate down is fascinating. I mean, their eggs are barely bigger than a pea yet they burn through so much nectar and use it so efficiently, all while hasically dropping into a coma for part of they year. It’s just- how did they even evolve to do that? Its such brilliant machinery-” You realize your rambling, the assistant’s big yellow eyes looking intrntly at your gesticulations, paused in their search for a book. “Sorry, I bet it seems silly, getting worked up over such a tiny thing.”

But the assistant just smiles, wirey and relaxed. Their ears flicker in amusement and you can feel your nerves ease.

“Don’t be. All pursuit of knowledge is admirable. Those who look down upon the little things often are ignorant of what the big things even mean. Plus-” they turn back to the books, standing up on their toes to reach for your article. “-you eloquate so expressively, it’s hard to not get excited as well.”

Your face groes hot, twirling a baby strand of hair.

“Thank you. You s-speak rather eloquently too.”

“I read a lot.” They lean up again, jumping just a centimeter off the ground, but their fingertips barely graze the end of the book. Their cheeks flush that embarrassed green again, but they don’t look to you for help.

“I can get that.” They nod, brushing their hair back again in what must be their nervous habit. The book is farther back on the shelf, making you perch on the balls of your feet, but you are able to grab the cover with little issue.

(The bottom of your shirt rises as you do, exposing a small bit of your stomach. You don’t notice, but the assistant does, forcing their gaze away as they feel their ears grow hot.)

The scientific journal has a bright picture of a bird on the front, the name of the article you're searching for flashing as you flip through the pages.

“This is perfect, thank you so much!”

“It was no problem, dearie, all in a day's work. Here, I can escort you to the main stacks, this back area is like a dungeon.”

You nod, still thumbing through the journal. There are some interesting articles in here, maybe you’ll find more interesting data to look at.

Once you reach the lighter part of the library you tuck the journal into your side bag and try to match pace with the assistant.

“I can’t thank you enough for the help. I seriously would have never found it without you.”

“It is no problem, if anything I’m repaying you for catching me.”

You rub the back of your neck, eyes darting upward to avoid contact. You’d been trying to push that to the back of your mind, forcing yourself not feel awkward about it. “O-oh that was nothing. I was just at the right place at the right time. Honestly, I’m usually pretty clums-”

With a squeal and dose of irony, the tip of your shoe catches on a raised patch of carpet. You arms flail outward as you try to catch yourself, but instead a small hand pulls you back by the wrist, grip leveraged by their tail now wrapped around one of your legs. You stumble backwards, but a hand lies on your lower back, steadying your posture.

“Yeah, that’s more like me.” You half joke, slimy embarrassment running down your spine.

Behind you the assistant chuckles. Their tail unwraps from your leg, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You turn towards the exit, trying to leave some dignity intact, although you can see yourself screaming about this in the car.

“Thanks again. You’ve been a huge help, in more ways than one.” You brush some imaginary dust off your shirt, trying to seem cool, calm, and collected.

“It’s no issue. Could I get your name?”

“Oh! Y-yes, it’s ____.”

“Pleasure to meet you, ____. I’m Revike.” They step back, adjusting their suspenders. “And I hope to see you again.”

“Me too. Though helpfully I won’t need so much help next time.”

“Like I said, it’s no issue.” They give you a tiny smirk. “I’m a librarian after all, its my job to look after priceless works.”

You’re sure you look like a cartoon character, eyes bulging out as Revike leaves you with a wink, trying not to giggle like a middle schooler.

Welp, seems like you’ll be going to the library more often.

[kissmethroughthebone]

A good win for me!

Had an impromptu date with a white nerd I met at a comedy club. A tech baller who was happy to talk to the fly young honey sitting alone (me) and next thing you know, we had a nice date at a high end restaurant.

A lot of green flags; at first. Passing me his seared halibut when I mentioned liking his more, gave me room to talk. Bare minimum but still signs of a solid person.

Until on the ride back to my general area, he put his hand on my upper thigh.

I smiled and moved it nicely, (I am not too mad at men who try, although I should be,) and we drove the rest of the way relatively quiet; I still gave him a hug and said we should talk again soon!

A very clear sign of interest, right?

Let's just say a week later, I called him (noticed he didn't text much after that night, and was bored and figured I could use some mid-week plans,) and we were talking! And it was well, untilllllll....

He said that he didn't contact me again on purpose. That I "didn't give him any green flags" (red flag) and how I "rejected him" (red flag) by "moving his hand, which showed I wasn't interested" (like five red flags in that sentence alone) and how he was gonna have me "show how interested I truly was, and wait for me to contact HIM".

All of it screamed horny, insecure, idiotic, slow, pathetic, cowardly, and...... lame.

Like.... so instead of being self-aware that you went too far on a first meeting, being apologetic and shooting a quick text or a call to even check interest levels with me, and offering to make plans again soon, you.....

Got very insecure about your sexual harassment, immediately rewrote history as if I am some villainous woman who absolutely embarrassed you by not being into nonconsensual touching and showed a lack of interest, (there was a very much present interest, just not a sexual one, which he devalued and wrote off as disinterest,) and then wanted me to.... work for your attention again, as if I had something to prove to you?

Not to mention another element where he also hid that he was in my city during this phone call, then tried to pretend he wasn't hiding anything.

He got aggressive real fast. Not like he was gonna off me, more of an overly defensive way, as if I was some heated debate partner and not a curious woman who was simply raising an eyebrow at his..... behavior.

What an odd way to show interest to a woman; scouring around her city, (hell, more like being 4 blocks away from me despite living 6 cities away,) while avoiding messaging her on purpose over your own fear and insecurities of not getting a text back if he tried....

Geez, and *that* is what he calls a green flag?

Easiest time I've ever had sending someone a message cancelling plans. I practiced not being hostile, and just having an air of "what if".

Like "I found what you did above to be very cowardly, perverted and unimpressive, which was very different from the man I met, who I found to be quite handsome, polite, and a man that takes initiative. I wish you were the person I thought you were, but that is alright. Thank you, and have a wonderful evening regardless."

I like to think that might get in his head more than "fuck you, big gummed ass nigga, also I zoned out when you ranted about Space Troopers" and "go get some hobbies" ever would.

A milestone for me! I tend to write off men and give them chances. Either since I think "This red flag can't hurt me as long as I collect and acknowledge it, right?", or "I can stick around and he can grow as a person."

Or a dastardly "I can stick around and keep milking this dude" (and even if I had succeeded, I'd sacrifice my mental health by not opening this throat chakra, and setting a tangent that disrespect can be afforded through nice dinners and gifts.... and he is not wealthy enough for that. Ideally, no one ever should be. Even in those dynamics, somehow I always fell for one aspect of them and could not cope with the other, and then it was hard to leave, either due to safety and security reliant on them, or greed, or.... affection.)

Anywho, I deserve a treat to celebrate. God bless!

[judgementdaysunshine]

🌲 Hi. I hope you're feeling well whenever this reaches you. I was hoping you could ship me with a DC character.

To describe myself, I'm 5'10" and kinda chubby. I like to read and write in my free time, both fanfic and 'proper literature'. In High School, I was an honor student, and I study computer science. I'm kind of insecure about my physical appearance, which is why I'm kind of sparse with describing that part of myself.

More personality info: I want to cosplay, though I have yet to work up the confidence to do so. I'm a self-described nerd. Despite no known diagnosis, everyone I know calls me autistic. I pride myself mainly on intelligence and I tend to degrade myself when it comes to everything else.

On my college campus, I try to dress somewhat professionally, wearing a solid color t-shirt and khaki pants. Everywhere else, I tend to stick to a graphic tee and shorts.

I'm not really too attached to my family except for my two youngest brothers. I would do almost anything for them. My parents split when I was really young. I've had small bouts with depression ever since I was really young.

Hopefully that description of me was well written. Thanks for reading and replying if you end up doing either.

Absolutely hon for the first one I ship with you Dick Grayson! 💙

He loved the fact that you studied computer science slowly teaching you how to hack not too long after you joined the team and became friends

He was immersed in your writing after accidentally reading a part of a story you were writing and soon after you finished it he read it all over the next few days and hoped that in the future you would publish the story as a book

He learns how insecure over your body and looks after the two of you started dating and always told you and showed you how beautiful you were no matter what you said about yourself

He would be in awe of how much smarts you had and always showed how much you valued your smarts and were never afraid to teach anyone you knew what they didn't know no matter what it is

He would always try to make you laugh and smile whenever you were depressed to try and keep your mind off of whatever your depressive thoughts tried to make you feel

He loved how much you loved your brothers making him think of his own brothers every time you talked about them and whenever he would see the three of you together he would always smile at how much love would be shared just by being there for the other

He absolutely didn't mind when you told him that you were bisexual telling you he was also considering the fact that he had a long crush on his best friend Wally until the redhead started dating Artemis and he met you so the fact that you would jokingly flirt with Kaldur or Megan didn't bother him knowing that it was apart of how you joked with others sometimes

The second one I ship you with Kara zor el! ♥️

She is always ready with food and funny movies to make you feel better when you are depressed and especially with her funny faces that always make you laugh

She doesn't have a care in the world of you being bisexual at all it's a part of who you are and you cannot change it at all always planning and taking you with her to superhero pride festivals with matching makeup looks and bi flags around your shoulders and doesn't mind you jokingly flirting with one of her or your friends

She would always hold you in her arms and fly in the sky showing you the sun setting and the clouds colored pink,orange and purple or pure white when you would try to hide away in your room when you were overwhelmed and anxious

The two of you would slow dance in the kitchen to the playlist for the two of you while she told you how much you changed her life and how much she truly loved you and how she wants to marry you in the future

She always loves watching you with your brothers always imagining you playing with and holding your future children making her want to spend the rest of her life with you much more than she already did

[xcookedxchroniclesx]

I think the city should give the police the budget that they are asking for because the city is a lot safer than it used to be. And it's like that because of the increase of police presence on the streets. I'm a target for those fucked up gang members who hate decent people because at my very core I am a nerd, and they hate nerds the most. I might be a punk (that's cool), I might be a metalhead (that's cool) and I might be a drug user (also cool) but at the end of the day I go to sleep a nerd (not cool). And I fly my nerd flag high to instill pride in the younger generations for their nerdiness. Even Barack Obama didn't like being called a nerd, that's the mentality that I'm trying to change. I want nerds to finally be cool. Nerds get all of the special privileges in school and other places. Nerds are intrinsically moral beings because we don't like corruption and we're not going to do well behind bars with our bullies. I want all kids to want to be a nerd because nerds do well in life. They get to do all of the things that they want to do and more a lot of the time. They bring their families pride and have pride within themselves if they aren't bullied harshly. People still don't kno what to think about me on the street because they can tell on some level that I'm the kind of kid that they used to bully at school even if I'm cool and I do drugs. I'm outcasted on the street by a lot of people but I don't mind because I'll eventually make my way to the places I belong in. I'll use my nerdiness to live the life that I want because a nerds opportunities never go away fully, if you're smart enough you can turn your life around at any time and excel at the vehicle to your success. All you need to do is learn something new.

[thechickenthatdid]

bibliography

Video games:

First off I am a nerd, to be frank with you. I watch anime and play video games, it’s just that I do not look like one. One of my first ever video games that I like to play was called team fortress 2. To be honest this game was a starter game for most people who play team vs team games. At the time this game had fundamental characteristics you needed for a team vs team game. There is 9 classes with their unique weapons and passives. Scout, solider, pyro, demo-man, engineer, heavy, medic, sniper, and spy. The classes never had a personal name given to them, only a generic name. Some of these classes are simple, such as sniper who had a sniper or pyro who had a flamethrower, but there were also unique classes such as spy and engineer. Spy could turn invisible, turn into other characters on the enemy team to blend in, disrupt engineer gadgets, and he could insta-kill with a back stab. Engineer on the other hand had the ability to create three machines that would support the team: a turret with 3 levels of upgrading, a health and ammo replenisher and a teleporter. To me spies and engineer were revolutionary in the game since they had unique abilities and play styles. Addionatlley, team fortress 2 had multiple game modes and even custom game modes. The most common mode played is capture the briefcase (capture the flag), push the cart, capture the point, and robots vs human. The first three are simple but robot’s vs humans is something much different. In that game mode you and three other players try to defend against waves of robots who are trying to destroy your base. Robots in this mode could be simple, they could be robot versions of the classes such as scout or spy, but then there were custom robots. Some of these are a underwater mind with legs, a big tank carrying a nuke, flying robot heads, and giant versions of the classes as robots. I loved this game so much; it was something that I wished every gamer could experience once. To me it was like the founding father of Team vs Team games, since every game after this was based on the classes in team fortress 2. Mostly focusing on the idea of having a person who can create robots, a medic person with a healing stream and a scout who can run fast. To be honest though I was trash, and I cried a lot of cause of that game. People in games were always mean and tended to bully those who were called squeakers. Squeakers were people who haven’t hit puberty yet and had a very high voice. Even though there were mean people on the game, the community of team fortress 2 was nice. People there explained how to play the game, how to abuse game mechanics, and just win. The fondest memory I have of this game was in a special game mode called zombies which is only open for Halloween, but there is also a customed game mode as well. I remember the people in the game cracking jokes and laughing our asses off while we were being chased by zombies. Saying stuff like you got to be quicker than that, or why would you do this to me fatherrr, even though it was probably a 16 year old telling that to a 13 year old. I love the game and the community it truly is the founding father of team vs team games.

Anime:

The History of Anime: The Beginnings - Learn more at Japan Centric

Anime in its simplest definition is a Japanese cartoon which is hand drawn. Anime has been around for longer then most people believe it to be. The first popular anime that was created was Astro boy in the 1960s but were some Anime’s even before that time. Earliest anime ever recorded was a 50-frame roll of film that was named Katsudō Shashin. This anime is about 10 seconds long and it shows a Japanese boy writing kanji on a bored and tipping this hat to the point of view. Its interesting to think about how anime has gone from a 10 second film to now a modern age, where Anime movies are being made almost every 4 months. The comparison of anime movies and Katsudo Shashin just shows the differences in the skills of animating and of course the technological advance. Just like any other genre of things, there is a top three in anime. These three were given the name Big Three for their popularity around the world and the amount of profit they gained. Big three also known as some of the best Animes are One piece, Naruto, and Bleach. I personally have watched all three of these Anime’s and read the manga of bleach. One piece is the anime that is still going on to this date, being THE longest running anime in history. Naruto is a anime that almost most people start with and bleach is nothing too special. Currently, Bleach has been catching popularity recently because of a ark. Arks are like the season in Anime, each Ark focuses on a certain problem in the story and it shows character on character development. Bleach is in a thousand year blood war, which is ark that is seen to be one of the best ones in bleach. Besides the Big Three there are thousands of other Anime in the world. Each one with different genre and plot. There are some Anime’s with unique plots where the main character is a freaking vending machine, or other Anime’s where they focus on suicide and focus on the trauma to create weapons to protect others.

Fishing:

Fishing to me is where I connect with nature. I mostly fish for salmon specifically sockeye salmon, but I sometimes catch flounders and halibut. There are about three types of ways that I use for catching salmon. One of these ways is by casting at shore with a jig. Jig is a type of lure where you put bait, this case a herring, on a line and drag it in the water. This for me is my most trusted way in catching salmon. My Jig consist of cutting the heads off the herring and connected it to a plastic holder which allows the herring to circle around in the water. This circular motion attracts salmon nearby because the herring sliver scales shine in the water allowing salmon to see the sliver shine. Connected to the plastic holder, I have about eight inches of extra line with two hooks at the end. Salmon love herring, which is why most people use herring as bait, but there are two other ways to catch salmon. The other way is called fly fishing, this is usually used near the shore or in a river. Fly fishers tend to be lures that some way mimic a smaller fish or bugs. These lures can be composed of metal, plastic, string, bright colors and of course a hook at the very end. I personally do not like using these types of lures because I have bad luck with them. Lastly, the last way of fishing for salmon only works if you have some sort of boat. This type of fishing is called Trolling and one of my least favorited ways of fishing for salmon. In this case of fishing, you basically throw a jig into the water and then slowly move your boat forward. This to me is just a lazy way of fishing because you get no action of casting. Even though I do not like this type of fish, trolling is the easiest way of catching salmon since all you do is throw a lure and let it move. In Washington state laws you are only allowed to catch two salmon per day and must mark it down on a paper. This stops over fishing and allows the scientist to keep track of the salmon population

Crabs

Crabbing is a family tradition that I do at least two times a year. Recently I have not done crabbing because of the population. The two types of carbs that I tend to catch were Dungeness and red rock crabs. To me these are the best crabs to eat in Washington, Dungeness crabs have a sweet kind of meat while rock crabs have a thick meaty claw. There are two most common legal ways to catch these crabs either by hand or with a pot. Catching crabs by hand is most uncommonly used because the meaty crabs live deep in the water, but at low tide you can sometimes catch a legal-size rock crab. Pots or crates as some people call them, are traps that you throw into the water with a buoy attached to them. These pots are a iron cage with four one way in opening. Sometimes the entrances are doors and other times the entrance is at a angle so that you can get out. In the middle of these pots is the bait, which attracts the carb to go inside. Since these are crabs, the bait as I have seen can potentially consist of cat food, dog food, fish, pork, and my favorite other crabs which are rotten. After about an hour or two has gone by, you would start to pull up your pots. My favorite part of this is opening the cage and trying to grab the crabs out to measure them. The legal size in Washinton is 6.5 inches, but this is hard to measure when the crabs are trying to pinch you. Technique is everything and the technique to hold crabs is by holding it from behind. You must make sure you have a firm grasp on the crab because they will try to get out of your hold.

Clams

Razor clams are unique looking clams, but very tasty one. Buried deep in the sands of beaches, razor clams stay deep there until the ocean comes back. Once the ocean comes back after low tide, they peak their heads out of the sand to feed on the microorganisms in the water. To capture or gather these clams you must first wat for low tide and buy either a shovel or a clam gun. Clam guns are fire hydrant shape tools that you push into the sand and then cover a hole to create suction. To identify where the clams are you look in the sand and see if there is a small meteor crater. If you do see one, right below it in the sand is where the clam sits and waits. Razor clams can sense danger through vibrations in the sand so once you start digging you must keep going. Sometimes you must dig with your hands in the sand, but you much face your head toward the ocean while digging with your hands. If by any chance you dig any other way, you risk cutting your hand on the shell of the razor clams. That is why they got the name razor clams because the ends of the shell are like razor blades. The limit for Razor clams is 15 for each person for that day, but it is unlikely that you will go again for another limit.

Filipino culture:

Everywhere in the world you will find culture. You can go to all the countries in the world or the different communities in that country and you would still find some sort of culture. For me, I am Filipino and Japanese, but I know and celebrate more my Filipino culture. First off just like every culture Filipino culture is family based but family is term is given to everyone. For instance, let’s say I meet a friends family, instead of calling them Mr. or Mrs. I must call them either Tita/auntie or Tito/uncle. Even friends who are also close would be considered family by default. The term family is thrown so much that sometimes you do not even know who is related by food or by a relationship. To us though that is not a negative thing or idea, family is very important to us and will always have the backs of your family members regardless of bonded by blood or loyalty. Another majorly made about Filipino culture is that we love to party. I will not like parties can got anywhere between 7-12 hours which in retrospect is only half a day but trust me it is exhausting. These parties can be anything and I mean anything to a truing of sixteen (like a quinceañera), engagement, any major sport, church, birthday, wedding you get the idea of course. One personal thing that all kids at a party can understand is wanting to go home and parents say in a minute. I don’t know how this came up but it is just in the culture when your family or someone says we are leaving in a minute, that really mean 3 or 4 hours. You can ask any Filipino if this is true and they will agree with me. Food is also a main part of how we represent our culture. Since the Philippines has been invaded many times from different countries cultures are mixed into the Filipino culture. Even so we still have iconic foods, which to me are Chicken adobo, Pancite, lumpia, leche flan, and of course Halo Halo. I will only explain three of the five given because I believe you should experience the food to understand it. Lets start with Chicken adobo, this is a simple dish which the main part is of course chicken. Basic but most important ingredients is soy sauce, bay leaf and whole peppercorn balls. You basically just boil it with some other ingredients, which depends on which part of the Philippines you are at. To me this is the staple of Filipino culture regarding food because of how known and easy it is to make. The second food, leche flan, is a very soft dessert which is made up of sugar, egg yolk, evaporated milk and condensed milk. If you ever had a poached egg the softness and delicateness of the egg is like leche flan. But the sweetness you receive from each bite is something you just must taste. Lastly, there is Halo Halo. Halo Halo is a dessert that comes with beans, crushed ice, evaporated milk, taro/ube ice cream, sometimes leche flan, strips of coconut and jellies. All of this would then be mixed into one ice like smoothie. To me this is the best thing to have on a hot day in the summer because its like a popsicle but 20 times better but also 20 times as much sugar.

Japanese culture:

Japanese culture for me is something I do not know as well as my Filipino side, but I know that the culture comes from hunting and gathering. I am the only kid from the Japanese side of the family who knows the age-old secret of my family hunting and gathering. I have said this previously that I have been taught how to fish, how to get clam and crabs, but I was also taught how to hunt for mushrooms. This is a tradition that I have recently been taught. You need specific conditions for mushrooms to bloom and more importantly for it to be safe to gather. Washington is the best place for mushroom picking and my family realized this when they first moved here. Each family member has a certain place to find mushrooms, personally I have not found my own, so I must use my uncle’s place. The mushrooms that we pick is oyster, lobster and Matsutake. Oyster and matsutake mushrooms look very similar to mushrooms that will cause irritation or death, so my uncle has taught me to distinguish them. It’s been a pain because mushroom picking process sucks if it is not a warm day. That’s why I said earlier that Washington is good conditions for mushroom growing because it is, but you would still like to have a nice day for mushroom picking. One where you don’t bombard by hail or rain and not thrown off a Hill.

[fancyschmancyprancynancy]

12, 19, and 21!

Ahhh, I’m so sorry I’m only getting to this now!

12. What’s the most interesting school gossip you’ve heard? I’m not sure if it counts, but after I graduated high school, I learned that one of my classmates had been selling weed out of her locker for a while. This is mostly interesting because my graduating class was less than 50 people and you would expect me to notice something like that lmao.

19. What’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had? My current academic advisor/English professor, Dr. Mouser. She’s phenomenal, and I’m very lucky to have met her. Also Dr. Toliver, who taught me poetry a couple semesters ago. English professors are good folks, y’all should definitely have conversations with them if you ever get the chance.

21. What’s a conspiracy you believe in? It’s kind of cliche as far as conspiracies go, but I’m pretty convinced the CIA had at least something to do with the Kennedy assassination. Do I have a specific theory? Nah, not really. But I’m fairly sure they were involved, even if only marginally.

[allmimsyweretheborogroves]

The Favor

[Currently Accepting Book Recommendations]

I’ve been thinking about strong female heroines recently.  This thought was triggered by reading a short piece on the internet about how characters who are strong female heroines typically reject all aspects of the traditionally feminine in favor of the traditionally masculine.  I don’t necessarily object to this, as I think women can and should occupy traditionally masculine spaces, but I thought that the author made an excellent point that this occupation takes place as a part of a rejection of the traditionally feminine.  

Consider Sarah Connor from the Terminator franchise—she’s absolutely a strong female heroine, and one of my favorites, but she sits in a very masculine space usually occupied by male action heroes.  As a result, we never see her engage in stereotypically feminine activities: she doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean, she doesn’t sew, and she is not a love interest.  [An interesting examination could be made of Sarah Connor and the role of motherhood in the action/sci fi genre, cf. Cordelia Naismith in the Vorkosigan Saga by Lois McMaster Bujold, but this is not that paper.]

Still, it got me thinking.  A lot of my favorite heroines reject the stereotypical feminine aspects in favor of the masculine—cf. any Tamora Pierce novel, particularly the Lioness quartet.  In all fairness to Alanna, Tamora Pierce does a really great job of trying to balance this duality in Alanna’s position as the first female knight of Tortall who is really good with a sword, but also likes pretty dresses and earrings.  Later Pierce novels do more of this, but have a distinct tendency towards the rejection of traditionally feminine works.  

I am now really interested in undeniably strong female heroines who engage in masculine spaces without abandoning or rejecting feminine spaces.  I don’t want to get so caught up in binaries that I can’t see the forest for the trees.  [Another really fascinating paper could be written about gender roles/the absence thereof in the latest Transformers comics, especially in regards to conjunx endurae, pronoun usage, and Functionalism, but this is not that paper either.]

But I wanted to think about how a lady heroine might inhabit a spectrum where she could both be a military prodigy and a ‘well-behaved’ lady in a society with strict gender roles.  How could such a heroine inhabit her own narrative?  Could she be passive and active?  How would other women in her world react?  How would men?  What about that love interest thing?  Cordelia Naismith and Alanna of Trebond both have complex relationships in their stories, but the relationships are not the totality of the character.  What if the heroine and her society encountered another culture that took a much more egalitarian view of gender roles (or just didn’t have them)?  

I took a classic feminine-masculine scenario—the chivalric gifting of favors—and plopped it in my current NaNoWriMo story idea.

She came to see them off.  She arrived late and alone, standing separately from Lady Fiara and Lady Corianna’s entourages.  While the cut of her dress was fashionable, she was a long lean line in somber black, a sharp contrast to the bright clothing favored by the other Danarian ladies.  

Lady Fiara stepped forward to tie a yellow ribbon around Emperor Gregory’s right arm.  She pressed a quick kiss to the Emperor’s hand.   “By the Light and by the Four, I grant you my favor in battle to come,” she said in florid formal Danarian.  

The Emperor inclined his head.  “You honor me with your favor, Lady,” he declared the room, touching the back of his hand to his lips.  The gathered entourage giggled and twittered like a flock of brightly colored birds.  The Ankarrë portion of the war party shifted uncomfortably.  

Kantare stood silently at the rear while Lady Corianna tied a long pink ribbon around Lord Vandarian’s arm and pressed a kiss against his lips.  More giggling and fluttering.

Silvergun would not have even noticed her, had he not been looking.  Even if he hadn’t, Admiral Shrike elbowed him subtly in the side, and gestured with her eyebrows at the solemn figure.  

“I didn’t think she’d come,” Shrike muttered, curling her lip at the spectacle Lord Vandarian and Lady Corianna were making.  

“She does like to confound expectations,” he murmured back.  From the sideways look she gave him, his tone might have been warmer than the situation warranted.  He pretended not to notice.  

His command staff fidgeted restlessly, unused to the Danarian-style formality and ritual, which seemed to be finally coming to a close.  Impatient with the necessities of politics, Silvergun turned to go, his admirals falling into step around him.  

“Warlord Silvergun,” a clear voice rang out, over the High Court’s farewells.  He turned to see that Kantare had stepped forward, a strange little smile on her lips.  

“Lady Admiral?” he replied.  

There was some muttering from the Danarians at this, and he could hear Shrike hiss, “She’s not an admiral any more, my lord!”  

Kantare bowed slightly, her hair falling forward to cover her eyes, one of which was still blackened and bruised from the Helix Offensive.  From somewhere on her person she produced a single scrap of black cloth.  Silvergun caught only the slightest glitter of gold, as she tied it around his left arm.  

“Luck’s blessing upon you,” she told him.  Before the warlord could respond, she popped up on her toes and pressed a lightning fast kiss to his cheek.  

Slivergun blinked and it was over.  The Danarian crowd had gone dead silent.  Kantare winked one glittering golden eye at him, and strode back to the rest of the High Court.  

“My thanks, Lady Admiral,” he called after her, because he did not know what else to say.  From Shrike’s slight huff of breath, he suspected that his cheeks had gone faintly red.  Something weird and particularly Danarian was afoot here, and while he did not appreciate being used to play whatever political game she was engaged in, the lady admiral had proved herself to be worth following before.  If nothing else, it was worth it to see Lord Vandarian looking like he had eaten something rotten.  Emperor Gregory, on the other hand, looked puzzled and ever so slightly approving.  

“Can I see it, my lord?” Lorien asked, practically breathless.  The redhead had cornered them as soon as Silvergun and Shrike had made the bridge on the Conqueror.  Cassian hovered over his shoulder, looking somewhere between intrigued and peeved.  

“See what?” Silvergun tried to dodge the commander, but Lorien was quicker.   “The favor!  The Admiral’s favor!” Lorien dodged Silvergun’s elbow with impressive finesse. 

“I can’t possibly imagine why she’d give one to you,” Cassian snarled half-heartedly.  

“Back off, the lot of you,” Shrike ordered, using her bulk to physically displace the instant Danarians.  Silvergun gave her a sour look.  She ignored him.  “Now what’s this about a favor?” she wanted to know.  

“What do you mean, ‘what’s this’?” Lorien yelped.  “She gave it to you—I want to see it!”  

“Explain this ‘favor’ thing,” Silvergun ordered, his tone leaving no room for protest.  

“Guess it’s a Danarian thing, then,” Lorien and Cassian exchanged significant looks.  

“Favors are an old tradition on Danar,” Cassian explained, snapping to attention.  “When a lord went off to war, a lady might give him a token of her favor—popular opinion disagrees on whether having a favor is supposed to make you lucky or to warn your opponents off since you’ve got someone at waiting home.  It’s a pretty important tradition—”

“As you might expect with the High Court,” Lorien interrupted.  “There are all sorts of rules and rituals involved.”

“Naturally,” Silvergun grumbled.  Leave it to the Danarian High Court to make anything difficult.

Cassian sniffed and continued, “Any lady of the High Court who is courting, engaged, or married is expected to make a favor for her lord.  It’s also perfectly acceptable for a lady to indicate her willingness to engage in a flirtation with a favor.”  

“What does that mean?” Shrike asked.  Both Danarians shrugged at her.  

“You got me,” Lorien said.  “The Admiral isn’t really a…flirtation sort of lady.  Even if she is High Court.”  

Shrike laughed, “This is the woman who told the Ferrulian ambassador that she would, and I quote, ‘Shove a thermonuclear device up your ass so far that your grandchildren will be radioactive,’ if he didn’t cooperate.”

“Be respectful,” Cassian hissed, and then shook himself.  “True, her ladyship has recently been more of that sort of lady then what Danarian ladies usually are, but her current position in the High Court is…well,” he shrugged.  

Silvergun carefully slipped the strip of black from his arm.  Shrike, Lorien, and Cassian all crowded forward to stare at it.  It was not a simple black ribbon as he’d originally supposed, golden embroidery spilled across the inner surface. The stitches were neat and almost invisible. 

Cassian leaned forward to examine the favor closely.  He was careful not to touch it.  “Fabric is good quality steelsilk,” he hummed, thoughtfully.  “The stitching is the sort of decorative thing High Court ladies learn so they can make things like this.  She must have embroidered it herself—did you see if Lord Vandarian or the Emperor’s favors had embroidery?”  

“Didn’t look like it,” Shrike told him.  “But I wasn’t really looking.”  

“What does it mean?” Silvergun asked, perhaps more sharply than he meant to. 

“Well, usually favors are just a nice ribbon in the lady’s chosen color, but her ladyship chose steelsilk in black—so she chose something to last, in a color that blends well with your uniform.  On your left arm too—your dominant hand—she was paying attention.  The embroidery took time; she had to have planned this and worked on it—steelsilk is very difficult to work with.  The design…,” he trailed off.  “Actually, I have no idea what the design is—looks like some sort of circuitry, perhaps?”  

Lorien and Shrike peered over Cassian’s shoulders.  

“It’s a diagram of the master circuit for the dreadnoughts,” a smarmy new voice interrupted.  Vexx had wedged his way in next to Lorien.  “What’s going on?  What is that?” 

Silvergun scowled enormously, furious that he’d missed the traitor’s entrance, and closed his hand over the favor.  “Nothing, traitor,” he growled.  Vexx absolutely did not need to be involved in any discussion relating to Kantare.  

Shrike burst out laughing, startling them all.  “How fantastically Kantare-like,” she cackled.  “She gave you the Danarian High Court equivalent of a thermonuclear device!”  

Lorien’s grin was bright and fierce.  “That’s our Admiral!” he cheered.  “Won’t let the bastards keep her down!”  

Even Cassian was smiling.  “That is a good favor—traditionally, embroidery on a favor is supposed to be of something that will protect the lord in battle.”  

“A dreadnought will certainly do that,” Shrike snickered.  

“I fail to understand what, exactly, is going on here,” Vexx sniped.  “What does a scrap of fabric with the master circuit stitched onto it have to do with Kantare?”  

“The Admiral gave Lord Silvergun her favor to protect him in battle,” Lorien explained.  “It’s a really good favor, too!” 

Vexx made a face.  “I’d rather she came herself.  That would be much more useful.  Much more so than a scrap of fabric.” 

Silvergun studied the little scrap of fabric, sourly thinking that he actually agreed with the traitor for once.  A sudden silence on the bridge suggested that the rest of them thought the same.  

“And why’d she give it to you?” Vexx added, squinting at Silvergun.  The warlord bared his teeth in a savage grin that had the weapons engineer subsiding.  

“It’s a reminder, you know,” Cassian said, suddenly.  “A reminder that even if she isn’t here, she’s fighting with us too.  As a High Court lady, it’s all she’s allowed to do, really.”  

Shrike scoffed angrily, “Sometimes your Danarian sensibilities about what a lady can or cannot do are really stupid.”  

“Indeed, but, the lady has spoken clearly,” Silvergun said, raising his voice to be heard across the bridge.  He slipped the favor back onto his arm, embroidered side out.  “She has commanded us to win the war, and so we shall.  Admiral Shrike, your battle plans!”  

“Yes, my lord,” Shrike snapped to attention, leading them to the holodeck in the middle of the bridge.  

As Silvergun listened to his Shrike brief them on her strategy, he could still feel the soft press of Kantare’s lips against his cheek.  

[fastestloseralive]

minor/niche speedster headcanons? not necessarily bland but more like headcanons that arent always relevant or are kinda niche?

just be aware these are mostly just random shit I came up with and not all of it applies to canon because I wasn’t trying to make it apply to any particular canon please don’t @ me here. most of these are about Wally bc it’s me and how could they not be

- since it’s pride month I’m gonna start with that I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again but no! one! in! this! family! is! straight!

- the west-allen household has a flag hanging next to their front door. unlike most homes in the Midwest it’s not an American flag, it’s a bi pride flag, because of course it is.

- Actually okay this is a dumb headcanon and it’s entirely 10000000% me projecting because I rarely get to about this because a lot of the characters I like are like, you know, clearly not ace, but I literally had a dream last night that I was reading a comic and Barry was stated to be asexual in canon and I cannot explain why. in reality it’s more like I think he’s demisexual and honestly if you’re not Iris West or Hal Jordan he isn’t interested🤷‍♀️

- speaking of this!! Bart’s aroace and no I’m not going to take criticism on that one, no thank you, it’s canon, goodbye.

- this is so self-indulgent but also Wally is a horse girl at heart. Blue Valley in my head is some small town, USA thing in the middle of nowhere, nebraska and his grandparents on his mom’s side own a farm on which they have a horse named Socks and that horse is Wally’s best friend. no I’m not going into any more detail yes this headcanon was inspired by the Hannah Montana movie

- If Wally had a high school reunion was while his identity as the Flash was public, and if he was like, 5% more petty and was capable of getting drunk, he would’ve showed up just to roast everyone who bullied him as a child because they used to make fun of him and turn around and talk about how cool Kid Flash was

- Something something speedsters being claustrophobic I know that headcanon is popular I just. I love that

- I’ve talked about my whole three lightning rods theory before here but that applies as well here ok!!!

- not really a headcanon but I feel the need to point out that Bart plays Pokémon in canon and I can’t remember if it’s like an in-universe renamed version of it or what (idk how to explain that. like how in iCarly they had pear products instead of apple products?? there’s probably a name for when shows and stuff do that) but I’m obsessed with this, naturally, because I’m me

- speaking of dumb stuff: Wally wore glasses as a kid but he had to get contacts once he got his powers because he refused to wear special sports glasses as kid flash. Although in yjtv that’s why he HAS the goggles there, because his glasses would always fly off his face and without them he’s just running completely blind

- Wally had a space nerd phase when he found out his uncle’s best friend was green lantern. no literally listen like if you’ve seen toy story? that’s literally what happened. Hal bought Wally a green lantern action figure for his birthday and Wally looks at his flash action figure and goes “I don’t wanna play with you anymore” and Barry feels like his heart just got ripped out and he doesn’t talk to Hal for like a week. A month later Wally’s realized he can have two favorite heroes but Barry will never forgive Hal for this and Hal will never let him live down the jealousy LMAO

- jokes on them both Wally’s real favorite heroes are Aunt Iris and the first Robin, in that order

[soulvomit]

In a way, for a long time, being really visibly nerdy kept me kinda safe? In a way?

There wasn’t really the image of “the sexy nerd” yet even though the big social scenes for nerds, were incredibly sexualized spaces. In fact there were normie men who just thought I was some buttoned-up career girl and only guys that liked that, were interested anyway, and they usually ran screaming when they found out it was just me LARPing The Professional by day, and I was really actually a Hot Mess.

But for the most part, anyone who actually wanted to hang out with me, usually really did want to hang out with me. I did not project “available” vibes. That actually worked both for and against me, and I wasn’t quite high enough up the ladder of sexual market value for the persistent creepers. I was a really, really specific taste and usually it was incredibly spergy men that liked me. (Women didn’t like me romantically at all.) 

And somehow it was possible in the 90s to be seen as a weird girl and still not quite be seen as naive and vulnerable. Weird girls could be streetsmart. Weird girls were usually smarter than you, and not taking your shit. At some point, the Weird Girl image was given a lobotomy. Just like all kinds of Weird Person imagery for some reason has been castrated, lobotomized, and de-agentified. 

I did not even BEGIN to encounter the level of “wow fuck how do you live like this” of normie life until I tried to move among normies. 

And now nerds, because most people in nerd culture now *are* normies.

I ONLY had a good time, socially, when I let my freak flag fly.

It’s when I started to move among normies and people who were normie-aspirational that I encountered anywhere near the degree of lying, two-facedness, or transactional people-using that I’ve encountered in normie culture.

But all the same:

It’s like I was in nerd culture, and wasn’t. My nerd friends were part of things I wasn’t part of, wasn’t invited to, and wasn’t likely to attend on my own. It may be that people were going by themselves to those things, because they were trying to get laid, I don’t know. But the degree to which I feel cut out of geek culture because I don’t do Ren Faire, I don’t do SCA, I don’t do cons, my interests in geekdom are really really narrow and consist maybe of a couple of obsessive fandoms and my own worldbuilding/writing. And if I did All The Nerdy Things, I wouldn’t have time to actually do the things that made me a nerd in the first place.

And I feel like nerds actually place more social demand on me than any other group of people. I have to follow my nerd friends from crowded, expensive thing to crowded, expensive thing just to hang out with them, and they’re often booked a year into the future.  

Literally, the only nerdy social thing I at all have ever had the bandwidth to do, is tabletop gaming. 

My ideal social life consists of going on long drives or hikes, and having deep conversations. In general, fireside chats.

[arsonforcharlie]

Okay but enquiring minds want to know. What disasters (multiple) do you keep eluding to that have plagued this trip home? (I finally checked my snapchat, like a nerd, so I know about the wind stealing your clothes but it sounds like there has been more)

okay so first of, hemmily, you cannot casually say "the wind stealing your clothes" on tumblr like it's nothing

but here is a list of shit that happened in 48 hours

my foot, which i thought was better from an injury i have no idea how i got, started spontaneously hurting again, just in time for me to go through airports. (it is still stiff a bit)

i went to do my laundry on thursday night, and my dryer decided to not do its one job. so i had all the clothes i actually wear hanging around my apartment all friday, most of which got dry, but my jeans were still soggy. no worry, says i, i shall just ask my mom if i can wash my clothes at her place when i get there

so i stay up all night even though i slept about four hours the previous night, get on my 6 AM flight, and go. they take my foot soothing cream at customs because it is 18 ml too big for a plane.

i realize that i did not get anything to eat or drink and do not have change for the vending machine. that's fine, say i, i will just grab something at my layover at airport number 2, i will have an hour.

when our flight arrives at airport number 2, we are stuck on the tarmac for a hot 45 minutes because there is nobody free to get us off the plane. so i don't get food, and i don't get a drink, and i gotta run-hobble across the airport because the moving sidewalk going in the direction i need to go isn't working. (the other moving sidewalk is working fine. of course) but that's alright! i can sleep on the plane, get off, mom will feed me. i have a minor panic attack because my aunt sent me a facebook message the previous night about how a flight was cancelled because It Fucken Wimdy, but i only got the notification just then and assumed it was about my flight. i check, it's not, mine is on time.

so far.

the woman sitting next to me on flight number 2 is named patricia. she has a son name dylan, and she is very excited to see him for thanksgiving, and she is also very excited to be sitting next to a Real Live Newfoundlander. (ma'am you are on a flight to newfoundland the fuck do you expect) she is very excited to talk about what newfoundland is like, and how she is being screeched in, and what tourist stuff should she do, and what restaurants should she go to. ("well idk if i have any recommendations, i have not been home in years." "oh, okay, well we were going to the keg" "okay i have one recommendation, don't go to the keg") i do not manage to sleep on this flight. i have not eaten or had a drink. i am flagging

so i am sitting there chatting with patricia about what all the patches on my jacket mean (nothing) with the little plane monitor on the seatback and i notice huh, this plane is turning! wow, it's turning a lot! and i watch as we turn completely around. uh oh.

for reference this is what the ocean looks like from the air. whitecaps everywhere, and this was pretty far out ne have enough fuel to fly around for about 40 minutes, but if it does not get less fucken wimdy, we will have to go back to halifax since if anything, it is fucken wimdier at the other two airports in newfoundland we could land at. so we just all sit there for 40 minutes, my mom and sister waiting in the car at the airport with no idea what is going on, while i go over who i know in halifax (one group of people i have met in person who i know are currently no longer in halifax since they flew back home the previous night, one old high school friend that i think still lives there but i haven't spoken to in literal years, and one tumblr friend that has seen my horrible blog and is unlikely to want to waste thanksgiving weekend time on me.)

for reference this is what the ocean looks like from the air. whitecaps everywhere, and this was pretty far out into the open sea. (i got better photos with patricia's phone because she was both excited to see the ocean and very opinionated about how they should have known when we took off it would be too windy to land and done something about it. what did you want them to do, patricia.)

45 minutes later, we manage to make the bumpiest landing i have ever experienced, and wait and wait and wait for them to manage to set up the little bridge. i get off the plane, say goodbye to patricia, fill out my wee questionnaire, and go to pick up my bags

there is an airport employee passing out little pieces of paper telling us that we cannot get our luggage now, since it is too fucken wimdy for them to open the luggage door of the plane

i have never heard of this happening

in my luggage is all of my clothes, much of which are getting mustier and mustier as time progresses, every jacket i brought for any other weather besides jean jacket, and my sister's birthday present

so i fill out the little form, and go to finally see my family, who take me to go buy underwear and socks to tide me over until i get my luggage (late enough that when we do eventually have thanksgiving dinner i am still wearing an alice cooper t-shirt i have stolen from my mom that is older than i am)

i also was leaning on mom's dishwasher for literally 5 minutes before it spontaneously sprung a leak

somewhere in this journey, i have completely smashed the cap of my wee shampoo bottle, so that was all over my toiletry/testosterone bag, which has rubbed some of the lettering off the T prescription so i'm very excited for that to become an issue on the trip home

as well as my realization that my plane tickets are actually a different name than both my name that i go by and the name on my id because mom forgot that i was not legally named bobbie when she ordered them

tonight is the first night i've been back that i've been even thinking about bed before 2 AM

i'm having a very good time but good lord that first

[dp-marvel94]

Face to Face- Chapter 32

Summary: When Danny went through the ghost catcher, he expected to be cured of the ghostliness that had haunted him since the accident, not to wake up on the lab floor with his parents saying he’d been overshadowed but everything’s back to normal now. But why does Danny Fenton cry himself to sleep to then dream of flying? Why does Phantom, the ghost who was supposedly possessing Danny remember a life that wasn’t his? Most of all, why do both the human and the ghost feel that something vital is missing, in their very soul? Or: Trying to cure himself of his powers one month after the accident, Danny accidentally splits himself but neither his ghost nor his human half know that that is what they did

First -> Last -> Next

Word Count: 6,098

Also on AO3 and Fanfiction.net

Note:What is this?! Another Face to Face update. I'm still struggling through my first phic phight story and hoping some comments on this will encourage me. Thanks for reading as always!

Phantom stayed still for a long moment, looking out over the Ghost Zone. He took a deep breath and  watched the floating rocks, the swirling clouds, and the purple doors. He braced himself and slowly floated to his feet. He needed to head out there. Tentatively, he reached out with his mind and plucked at the line. Like Fenton said, it was there, the link between him and his other half. And….a moment later, he received a tug in kind. His confidence grew. Yes, he could do this. He could find his way home.

With that, the ghost flew. He carefully followed the line, over islands and past doors. He slipped between rocks and paused, looking upward to what looked like a river suspended in mid-air and flowing downward. Phantom’s eyes widened in awe at the sight but he kept going. All the while, he looked around with keen attention. It wouldn’t do, to be attacked by another ghost again. Luckily, he didn’t see or sense anything large or notable. Instead, his brow wrinkled as he flew past a small group of what looked like globs of ectoplasm with eyes. One of the little ghosts (at least he thought they were ghosts) looked at Danny. It blinked slowly before letting out a chirp and darting away with the others. 

Phantom watched for a moment as the small creatures flew away. Then He sloped downward, below a tree covered island. He gaped at the sight. Trees?! There were actually trees here, even though there didn’t appear to be any sun, moon, or stars. So...wait...where did the light come from? And were those the ghosts of dead trees or-

The ghost shook his head, clearing the questions about his surroundings from his mind. It really was incredible being here, even if the circumstances were...not so great. He might just have to come back, after everything was sorted...assuming that things could be fixed with Mom. The boy bit his lip. He couldn’t worry about that, not right now. 

“Focus, Phantom.” He chided himself. He had to follow the line, get back to the real world.

The ghost boy’s brow then furrowed, eyes falling on something in the distance. A rectangular shape. White, standing out in stark contrast against the green atmosphere. And…. he tugged the line again….the way home was in that direction.

Less than five minutes later, the object became clear in his view. “It’s...Casper High?” Phantom muttered.

There in front of him was a black and white version of the school, complete with the American flag and the name plastered above the door in big letters. It was strange, bizarre. Why would there be a version of his high school in the ghost zone? And….he frowned, feeling his tether. Why did the path he was following back to Fenton lead him here? Phantom furrowed his brow. He hadn’t come this way before; he would have remembered seeing this weird building. But…. yep, the line was leading him here and...he could feel he was really close.

The ghost straightened, bracing himself. Cautiously but with forced confidence, he floated up to the doors and slowly pushed them open to find…. an empty hallway, identical to the front hall at Casper, even if it was in monochrome.

“Hello?” He called quietly as he crossed the threshold.

No reply came as Phantom continued onward. His core pulsed nervously at the silence of the eerily familiar space. It was strange, seeing it so empty and quiet. And it was fittingly haunting for a ghostly double of his school. But why was this here? Why did it look like Casper High? And why was it in black and white?

The ghost boy swallowed, pushing the questions away and floating down the hallways. He looked side to side, watching for any movement. His ghost sense hadn’t gone off, but being in an enclosed space was making him anxious. But at the same time….he was so close to….something. Something that would lead him home. But what?

Suddenly, the doors he’d come through slammed shut, earning a gasp from Phantom. “Who’s...who’s there?”

Something flickered at the edge of his vision. Head jerking to the side, he turned to find...nothing. The boy frowned, opening his mouth to call out. Then there was a bang behind him. Startled, Phantom wiped back around to find locker doors banging open and closed on their own.

“I don’t want any trouble.” The ghost boy started, voice wavering with fear.

Again, something flickered beside him. There was a staticy laugh. Phantom turned again and…. His heart would have skipped a beat, if it was in his chest. There was a monochrome teenager, a buff looking guy with slicked back hair and a leather jacket. He reminded Ghost Danny uncanningly of Dash. The figure opened his mouth, static exiting. Then he pushed the ghost boy. 

Phantom stumbled, letting out a surprised cry as his back hit something solid. He turned, looking up at a scowling girl in a poodle shirt. She turned up her nose, pushing the ghost boy away. “Wait! Stop!” His eyes widened as he fell forward again, this time hitting another jock. “I don’t wanna fight!” The other teen, in a letterman, grabbed Phantom’s arm and shoved him to the floor.

The ghost boy hit the ground with a start, the impact knocking the air from his only semi-illusionary lungs. He rolled onto his back, paling at what was around him. A crowd of black-and-white teenagers, all wearing retro clothing, maybe from the fifties? They towered over him, scowling and jeering down at him. 

“Stop! Please!” Phantom covered his ears, wincing in pain at the sound. It was static, hundreds of voices speaking over each other. And they were laughing, mocking. It was years of insults. Freak, coward, geek, nerd, weak, worthless, dead, wrong, unnatural, monster. 

The ghost boy curled in on himself. “Please! I’m lost...I’m sorry I…” 

Don’t belong here...Don’t belong. Invader. 

“I don’t….” 

Trespasser. Invader. Leave! Leave, freak! 

“I… I know I’m not supposed to be here. I’m lost..I…” 

Leave! Dead! Go! The voices hissed. Don’t belong, monster! 

“Please! Stop!” Phantom begged.

The words pressed down on him and his chest heaved with panic. He whimpered as the volume rose, growing into a roar. Phantom bit back a cry as he pressed his hands to his ears, like he could block out the noise, keep out the words. He wanted to move, like the voices were demanding but he couldn’t, too frozen in fear. Instead he sobbed. “I just wanna go home.”

“Enough!” A single voice shouted. There was a whirl, a sound like gall forces winds. And then silence.  “You can’t just barge into someone’s lair!”

“I...I..I’m sorry.” Phantom fixed his head down, whole body shaking. “I just...I got lost and was trying to get home but I ended up here ‘cause-” His words cut off as his ghost sense billowed out of his mouth and he coughed.

The ghost boy paled, looking cross eyed at the mist. He slowly looked up, eyes falling on the speaker. Like the other teens, he was monochrome but looked like a stereotypical nerd, with coke bottle glasses, a bowler haircut, a polo, and a bowtie. He fit the same fifties aesthetic yet somehow...there was something different about him compared to the other. He was more vivid, more solid than the others, almost like…. 

“Are you gonna say anything buster?” The crowd around them was still and silent even as the nerd floated half a foot closer, his fists balled.

“Yeah..Umm...Sorry, I..” Phantom stuttered. His eyes then widened as his ghost sense billowed out of his mouth again. That had only happened once this singular figure showed up, not before and not by the others. The others that had stopped when the nerd told them too. “You’re a ghost.” Ghost Danny whispered, meeting the glasses-covered eyes.

The other ghost scowled. “You don’t say.”

Phantom averted his eyes again, blushing. “No...sorry...I..I mean..you’re not...you’re not like…whatever these are.” The ghost boy motioned to the crowd around them, shivering. “You’re an actual ghost.” He whispered the last part, before glancing up, at the other, now confused looking ghost. 

The other ghost’s brow furrowed behind his glasses. He raised his hand, making Phantom flinch. But instead of swinging his arm to punch or lighting his fist with ectoenergy like Ghost Danny expected, the nerd snapped his fingers and commanded. “Leave us.” 

With that, the teenagers around the ghost boy seemed to flicker, their outlines wavering. Without any movement, the crowd disappeared, leaving Phantom and the other ghost alone. The nerd lowered his arm, his fist relaxing.

That did little to comfort Phantom. His pulse pounded in his head as he wrung his hands. “So...okay...we’re alone now. And...you said this was your lair? I...uh...don’t know what that means but...I can leave...I can leave now since those guys didn’t seem to want me here-”

“Sorry about that.” The quiet words interrupted the ramble. 

“What?” Phantom blinked, looking up at the other ghost.

The nerd didn’t look angry anymore but instead almost….bashful, holding his hand out. “My shadows got out of hand. They aren’t supposed to be that cruel.”

The ghost boy just gapped, looking between the offered hand and the other ghost’s face. His mind raced, wondering what was going on. What was with the sudden change in attitude? He bit his lip. The other ghost wasn’t attacking him or...using those not-ghosts (he called them shadows?) to attack him. Maybe that apology was authentic. 

Phantom took a deep breath and chose to be brave. Tentatively, he took the offered hand and allowed the other ghost to pull him up.

Then there was silence. The ghost Danny shifted nervously in the air as he studied the other ghost. And the other ghost studied him, his expression curious yet vaguely sad.

Phantom finally coughed, pointing back the way he came. “I’ll just...I’ll leave now. Sorry again for barraging in. And uh…bye.” Slowly, he floated backward, keeping one eye on the other ghost.

“Wait.” The nerd reached forward. “You’re new, aren’t ya?” The ghost boy stopped, turning more fully towards the other ghost as he continued. “You haven’t been a ghost for a long time.”

Phantom’s eyes widened, his mouth opening and closing. “Um..uhh...yeah… I haven’t been...like this very long.” He swallowed. “How did you...how did you know?”

The other ghost’s expression softened. “You’re still trying to breath.” At the words, Phantom reflectively stopped, holding his breath with wide eyes. “It’s alright. That’s a tough habit to break.” The other ghost held out of hand, as if to shake. “I’m Sidney Pointdexter, by the way.”

The other ghost blinked at the hand. After a long pause, he grasped it. “I’m Danny….Danny Phantom.”

“Phantom.” The nerd nodded. “So you already picked a name.”

“Yeah?” So apparently, that was a thing? Phantom rubbed the back of his neck. “You can call me Danny though.” 

“Danny.” The other ghost half-smile. “You can call me Sidney then.” Sidney’s expression then turned more serious. “Obviously you didn’t know but... if you want to go inside someone’s lair, you need to announce yourself and ask permission to enter.”

“Oh, okay. Sorry” Phantom blushed. “I’ll...I’ll do that next time.”

“Good.” Sidney crossed his arms. “You’re lucky you barged in on me, mister. If it’d been Skulker, he would have skinned you.”

The ghost boy swallowed, suddenly anxious. His eyes bulged. “Really?!”

The other ghost nodded. “That hunter can be very possessive and mean.” Sidney then scowled. “But I’d never do that. I’m not a bully.” The other ghost then shook his head. “Anyway...why did you come here?”

Phantom’s core pulsed awkwardly at the question. “I..uh…” It wasn’t said with any anger or accusation, but innocently curious. But still, the ghost boy struggled to explain why he’d come inside. The line connecting him to his other self had led here but...how could he explain that? He swallowed. “This looks like my school, Casper High.”

Sidney blinked, eyes widening. “You went to Casper?” The corner of his lip turned up.

“Yeah.” The ghost boy bit his lip, not knowing what to say. Instead, he turned towards the door and pointed. “Yeah...thanks for the advice but...I should go so…”

“You don’t have to yet.” The other ghost’s eyes were slightly pleading. “Why don’t you rest for a bit? And I get you something to eat and drink? You look like you need it.”

Phantom blinked. “Ghosts eat?”

Sidney frowned, slightly alarmed. “Yes? Come on.” He grabbed the other boy’s arm. “That’s it. I’m making you some tea and a sandwich. I think I still have some cookies too.”

The ghost boy didn’t resist, instead gawking as the other ghost pulled him down the hallway and towards the cafeteria. His mind sputtered, trying to overcome the emotional whiplash. Seconds later, the pair floated in the cafeteria’s kitchen. Sidney grabbed a tea kettle off the stove, filled it with what looked like water from the sink, and placed it on the burner. Then he opened the fridge and pulled out what looked like slices of cheese and luncheon meat.

Phantom just stared in disbelief. Sidney turned back towards him. “I have some tiger fruit too. I grow it in the courtyard. Do you want to try some?” He held up a round, stripped fruit, the orange and black standing out in bright contrast to the monochrome environment.

The ghost boy wrinkled his nose. “What is it?”

Sidney looked down at the fruit. “It kind of tastes like an apple. It’s native to the Infinite Realms though. I don’t think it has a Material World counterpart.” He smiled. “It’s really delicious.”

“Alright?” Phantom shook his head. There was a lot of information there. Then he shrugged. “Sure.”

The other ghost nodded, quickly preparing a plate and two cups of tea. He turned back to ghost Danny. “Let’s sit in the cafeteria.”

Without question, Phantom followed. Nervously tapping his hand on his leg, he sat down and took the steaming cup offered to him. The ghost blinked, studying the liquid. It actually felt warm in his hands. He moved the cup, closing watching the liquid sloshing in the cup like water. It did actually look like tea. Tentatively, Phantom looked up, glancing at the other ghost who was sitting across from him. Sidney was blowing his own cup before taking a small sip. 

It was only then that where he was and what he was doing actually hit the boy. He was sitting in a ghostly version of his school cafeteria, with the ghost of a teenage boy who died in the fifties, based on his appearance. Phantom looked down at his plate again. And there was weird, slightly glowing ghost-food in front of him. 

Sidney’s words drew his attention. “Go ahead. Try the tea. It’s not poison” The nerd half smiled at Danny with a nod. 

Phantom looked down at his cup again, doubtfully. His stomach flopped as he considered. He was wary of trying the beverage. What actually was it? It couldn’t be actually tea, like his sister liked to drink. Could it hurt him? Weren’t there myths or something about how if you eat something in the land of the dead you can’t leave? Or was that fairies? Or...wait...did that only apply to humans? He wasn’t exactly human right now; he was a ghost. And this was food meant for ghosts. And….

“It won’t hurt you. And it’s good. I promise you’ll love it.” The other ghost encouraged patiently.

Phantom picked up the cup, again noticing the comforting warmth. It was still softly billowing steam. And it smelled so good, sweet and citrusy. Tentatively, he blew on the cup to cool it. He really did want to try it. Ignoring his doubts, ghost Danny finally took a small sip.

Phantom blinked rapidly, taking another sip. “I can taste this.” He muttered numbly before taking another sip of the fresh, lemony liquid. 

Excitement grew at the realization. He then looked down at his sandwich. Putting the cup down, he took a small bit. The savory taste of bread, cheese, ham. He took a larger bit. “I can taste this!”

“Of course you can.” Across from him, Sidney said in disbelief.

Phantom looked up, talking through his full mouth. “No I...I haven’t eaten in weeks.” He swallowed. “I mean...I tried but I couldn’t taste anything so I gave up.”

“Gave… up?” The other ghost blinked.

“Yeah. But-” Phantom stuffed a cookie in his mouth, groaning in pleasure at the taste. “But how?”

“How?” Sidney held out his hands. “It’s just lair made food.”

“Lair made?”

“Yeah, as in the lair made it?” The other ghost’s mouth fell open at the lack of recognition. “The lair basically took free ectoplasm and shaped it into food that we can eat.”

Phantom dropped the sandwich. “Ectoplasm?”

“Yes. Everything here is made of ectoplasm, even us.” Sidney answered like it was obvious. “Why wouldn’t the food be?”

At that, the ghost boy looked down at the meal with new realization. “That makes sense.”

The ghostly nerd nodded. “Yes. How don’t you know that? And why couldn’t you taste anything earlier?” His brow furrowed in deep confusion. “You said you tried food. But….you didn’t know that ghosts can eat….or need to eat?”

Phantom picked up the sandwich again, taking a few more bits to finish it. His mind whirled. “We need to eat? But we’re dead so….” He took another cookie, smiling at the taste.

Sidney gapped. “Of course we need to eat! Haven’t you been hungry?”

“Hungry?” Phantom put a hand over his stomach. No, he hadn’t been hungry in that way but...he moved his hand over his core. He’d gotten tired from overusing his powers and...he’d felt the Zone calling to him, like...like he needed to go to it for nourishment. “I have been.” He whispered. 

“But you hadn’t realized?” The nerd face palmed. “No wonder you look so sickly.”

The other ghost looked up, mouth falling open. “What?”

“You’re barely glowing. And you’re so pale. They’re no color in your skin.”

Phantom pointed. “You’re likely in black and white?!”

Sidney raised a brow, motioning down his body. “This is an intentional aesthetic.” His image wavered briefly, before the other ghost was in full color. His skin was a pale green and his eyes a glowing silver. 

“Oh.” The ghost boy muttered.

“Yes.” The other boy nodded, motioning to the plate. “Go ahead and finish. You’re lookin’ better already.”

Phantom didn’t need to be told twice. He finished the sandwich and the cookies.

Sidney crossed his arms. “I don’t understand how you didn’t realize. You should have at least been passively absorbing ectoplasm through your skin.” So apparently, that was something else ghosts could do. 

The ghost boy shrugged, taking a bite of the fruit. He paused, staring down at it. “This is really good.”

The other ghost smiled. “Isn’t it? I can give you some seeds. The bushes grow very well in lairs, if you want to plant some.” He tapped his chin. “Is your lair near here? You were trying to get back there, right? You did say that you were lost earlier.”

“I did say I was lost.” Phantom said, swallowing a bit of his tiger fruit. He then bit his lip nervously. “But...I’m not trying to get back to my….lair? I don’t have one of those, I don’t think…..Not that I’m that clear on what exactly a lair is.”

Sidney again furrowed his brow, looking bewildered. “This is a lair.” He motioned around them.

“No, I get that.” Phantom sighed. “But...what is this? Why does it look like a high school? Where did that food come from? And those people...you called them, shadows? What are those?” The other ghost was still looking at him in confusion as an idea suddenly hit the ghost Danny. “Wait...is this like your house? Like you live here. Or...err...I guess that’s not the right word. Afterlive?” His speech quickened. “If it is, I’m so sorry for barging into your house. I get why you’d be mad about that but I swear I didn’t mean-”

“Danny.” The other ghost said pointedly, making Phantom’s mouth snap shut. “It’s fine. I understand. Just…” Sidney pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let me explain?”

Phantom nodded, blushing in embarrassment.

“A lair is like a ghost’s house but...It’s more personalized. It might reflect somewhere from your life or a place you’ve always wanted to see. It’s different for every ghost but based on your subconscious desires and your obsession.”

“Alright.” The ghost boy glanced around. “So this is your school from when you were alive. But still...who were those people that...attacked me?”

“Those weren’t people. They were shadows. They’re part of the lair.”

“So you do control them.”

“Somewhat?” Sidney waved his hand in a so-so motion. “As I said, your subconscious is what molds the lair.” He balled his fists. “So those shadows are reflections of people, bullies, I knew when I was alive.”

Phantom bit his lip, nervous at the anger in the statement. And he wondered. Obviously the shadows were something of a security system. But there must be more as well. There was the anger that the other ghost had shown twice now when talking about bullies. And what was that he said about obsessions having a role?

“Alright, okay.” Ghost Danny bit his lip. “But...what about your obsession? How does that-”

“Don’t.” Sidney suddenly snapped, his eyes flashing. “Never, ever ask another ghost about their obsession.”

Phantom shrunk in on himself, his shoulders falling. “Sorry.”

The other ghost’s expression softened. “You didn’t know. It’s okay. But...that’s personal to me. I don’t like to think about it, much less talk about it to someone I just met. So...don’t ask unless someone brings it up first, okay? Other ghosts aren’t as nice as me. If you asked Ember, she would fry you.”

“Okay.” The ghost boy paled, nodding furiously. 

Sidney also nodded, taking a sip of his tea. Phantom finished his fruit, while his mind struggled to process all he’d learned. About how ghosts had to eat and about ghostly food. About lairs and shadows and not asking about obsessions. It was a lot, and there were so many more questions he could ask. But he had no idea what to ask now. 

And again, the reality hit Phantom. He was sitting in a ghost’s lair, having a genial conversation like he was just a new neighbor. Not one half of a human-ghost hybrid who was trying to get back to his other half in the real world. With that, there was a small push in the back of Phantom’s mind. Yes, right. He needed to get back to following his tether to Fenton. But again...why had the line led him here?

The ghost boy put down the core of his tiger fruit once he’d finished. That got Sidney’s attention. “You’re done. Do you want anything else to eat?”

“No, thank you.” Phantom shook his head. “Actually...I need to go home.”

“Back to your lair?” Sidney questioned.

“No, I don’t have one of those.”

“Oh that’s right.” The other ghost said, frowning. “So where are you going?”

Ghost Danny bit his lip, considering. “The...the human world or...err...I think you called it the Material Realm?”

Sidney blinked, a strange mixture of shock, confusion, and worry on his face. “What? Why?”

Phantom sighed, rubbing his head. How to explain this. Guess he’d have to start at the beginning...and keep it simple. “That’s where I’ve been ever since I…..you know…” He motioned up and down his body. “About a month and a half.”

The other ghost’s mouth fell open, his eyes bulging. “You’ve been...In the living realm?”

“Yep.” Ghost Danny nodded.

“In the living realm?” Sidney put his hands on his head. “The material realm? Really, the living realm? And….” His voice pitched up in disbelief. “For a month and a half? Since you died? Wait...you’ve only been dead for a month and a half? And...that’s where you were...the whole time...but...how? And…” He waved his arms. “No wonder you look so starved!”

“Starved?” Phantom muttered, even as the other ghost continued.

“And how did you even form in the material realm?” Sidney exclaimed. “That just doesn’t happen, ever! And then how did you get here? Portals are so rare!”

“Sidney!” Ghost Danny interrupted, causing the other ghost’s mouth to snap shut. Knowing he’d gotten his host's attention, he continued. “So...long story short. My parents are ghosts hunters and researchers. They’re scientists who made a portal to...this place. They call it the Ghost Zone. And well...I went inside their portal, turned it on, and...umm...it..well...it killed me.” Phantom looked down, his core clenching at the words and the pitying look on the other ghost’s face. 

“But...I walked out of the portal. I’m still here...even if I’m different now.” He paused for a moment, considering the words. He’d said as much to Mom earlier. And he believed them. But…

“I did...I did try to act like nothing was different for a month after that accident, like I hadn’t changed. But….it’s really obvious now. Mom and Dad know what happened and…” He shivered, recent memories hitting him. “Mom and I had a fight. I wanted to talk to her about...some very hurtful stuff she’d said but….” 

Phantom bit his lip. “It went bad. We were both yelling and Mom got really upset and said...she said…” The words sputtered to a stop as what Mom had said repeated in his head. He was supposed to be normal, human, alive. He wasn’t supposed to be a ghost.  He swallowed. “I started crying….and…” Mom’s shocked and distressed face flashed in his mind, her desperate expression as she reached towards him. “I ran away. I didn’t even think. I just flew through the portal ‘cause I just couldn’t be in the same room as her. I just had to get away but…” He put his head in his hands. 

“Now I’m lost somewhere in the Ghost Zone and Mom is probably freaking out. Dad and Jazz too if she told them.” Phantom then shivered, looking up. “I need to get back to them.” He balled his fists in determination. “I need to get back to my parents, my sister, my friends, and my hum-” 

Phantom snapped his mouth shut on the last word as doubt suddenly flickered through him. Human half, he was going to say. But...he hadn’t mentioned that little fact at all. And the idea of explaining was daunting. His insides squirmed. What would a real, actual proper ghost think of that, of him? Both human and a ghost, living and dead, at the same time. Or...half of each, somewhere in the middle. Or maybe even neither, something else entirely. He didn’t know and he was suddenly terrified to find out.

So instead, ghost Danny kept his mouth shut as he slowly looked up. He blushed. “I can’t believe I told you all that.” His shoulders fell. “I must sound so pathetic.”

“No, of course not.” Sidney said kindly. He was studying Phantom curiously, yet also oddly sad. He raised a brow, looking like he still wanted to ask about the other’s near slip up. But he didn’t. Maybe he sensed it was personal, maybe he thought Phantom would refuse to answer if asked. Either way,  Sidney didn’t press. Instead, after a long pause he finally said. “But I know why you came here now.”

Phantom blinked in surprise. “What?”

“You’re looking for a portal to the living world.” The other ghost stood. “I might have something to help you. Follow me.”

Ghost Danny’s eyes widened at the statement but he obeyed without question. He floated out of his seat and took his place behind Sidney as he flew out of the cafeteria. The pair hovered down a familiar hallway. Soon enough, they stopped in front of a rusty looking locker numbered 724. Phantom looked at the door curiously. 

Across from him, Sidney asked. “Did another ghost tell you about my portal?”

Ghost Danny turned to face the other ghost, brow furrowing. “Your portal?” He shook his head. “No one told me.” He blushed. “You’re actually the first ghost I’ve ever talked to.”

The other ghost frowned. “Then how did you know this was here?”

“I didn’t.” Phantom glanced at the door again, reaching out with his mind. He tugged on the tether connecting him to Fenton and the line grew taunt. His eyes widened. There, behind the door, he sensed...something. “But...I sensed something. It...the line...it was leading me here.”

“Line?” Sidney asked.

The ghost boy glanced back at his host, eyes widening. “Yeah..I’m...uh..I’m” He bit his lip nervously. “I’m….connected to someone in the material world...like mentally.”

The other ghost raised a brow, clearly wanting to know more.

Phantom coughed, changing the subject. “So...uh...how does this work? How do I get through?”

Sidney frowned but answered the question anyway as he opened the locker door. “The mirror is the portal. It leads to the real Casper High.”

Ghost Danny blinked, studying the mirror. “That? But it’s so small and… where’s the swirling green light?” His brow furrowed as he remembered his parents’ portal.

The ghostly nerd shook his head. “It’s not always active. It’s only open for a few minutes during the witching hour of the full moon...and on the equinoxes and solstices. But” He raised a finger seriously. “There is a full moon tonight.”

Phantom raised a brow, wondering how exactly the other ghost knew that. But he didn’t ask. Instead, he looked at the mirror again. Was it really through there, his way home? Closing his eyes, the ghost boy reached out with his mind once again. Yep, yes. He was sensing something. Fenton...Fenton was through there but…. He glanced back down the hallway, towards the way he’d come. Theoretically, he could try to find his parents’ portal or he could stay here and go through when the portal opened in a little over 12 hours….and leave his loved ones worrying for longer.

Then there was a gentle tug on the line. Something tickled in the back of his mind. The corner of Phantom’s lip turned up. He could feel Fenton’s keen interest on him. Oh yeah, he could tell or show Fenton what was happening and ask him to tell their family and friends that he was okay.

Finally, Phantom sighed. “I guess I’m waiting then.”

Sidney nodded. Then his expression turned more serious. “Make sure you’re sure you want to do this, though.”

The other ghost blinked. “Of course, I want to do this. Why wouldn’t I?”

The nerd bit his lip. “Well...I should tell you not to go through the portal. You could get trapped on the other side and ghosts that get trapped in the material realm...they starve. They get weak and desperate and angry.” He shivered. “It’s a horrible way to exist but…” He looked up. “If you think you need to do this, I’ll help you.” His eyes flickered to the floor. “If I had another chance to talk to my parents, I’d take it.”

“Your...parents?” Phantom asked quietly.

Sidney wrapped his arms around himself. “They moved away from Amity Park after I….you know.” His voice quieted. “By the time I found this portal, it was too late. They’d already moved.” He shivered. “I know it would have hurt them to see me like this but...I still wish I could have. I should have told them how much I loved them, how sorry I was that all this happened.” 

That sobered Phantom. For a long moment, he stared at the other ghost and it really hit him. This was a dead teenager, a dead kid who’d had family and friends. Hopes, dreams, memories. A life...just like him.  “We’re not...we’re not that different.” Ghost Danny muttered.

Sidney finally looked up. “No, I don’t think that we are. So…” The other ghost shifted nervously in the air. “I don’t know what all happened with your mom but….talk to her.” His voice pitched up, hopeful yet sad. Not demanding but a kind suggestion from someone with experience...and regrets. “Try to make things right with her if you can. Don’t give up yet.”

Phantom swallowed, considering. He didn’t really know what to think of the other ghost’s advice. Earlier, right after the fight, he might have been angry at the suggestion. He’d tried to make things right and had failed; it wasn’t his responsibility to try again if there was no fixing things but...Mom’s face flashed in his mind again. Her guilt, her desperation as he darted through the portal. And it was simple. She was his mom and he loved her, damnit. He couldn’t just turn that off, couldn’t stop wanting her to love and accept him. He couldn’t stop hoping that she would.

“Alright.” Ghost Danny wrung his hands. “I’ll...keep that in mind.” The way he saw it, another conversation was inevitable. Knowing his sister and dad, they would insist on talking about everything as a family. But he had a choice about how he would approach that conversation. Maybe he could approach it with the hope that things would get better, even if he’d be wary to trust again.

With that, Phantom pushed the thought away, focusing on the ghost in front of him, “Thank you for the advice. And for telling me stuff. I’ve learned a lot.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Man, I knew I didn’t know much but...I don’t seem actually to know anything at all.”

Sidney nodded. “No sweat, pal.” He half-smiled. “This is the most exciting day I’ve had in years. We can hang out ‘til the portal opens and I can answer more questions.” 

“That would be awesome.” Phantom finally smiled. “You’re actually a really cool dude, Sidney.”

The other ghost beamed and ghost Danny was happy he’d managed to wander into this ghost’s lair. He’d be in big...err...bigger trouble if he hadn’t. He’d learned a ton about ghosts, gotten a much needed meal, and would be home in a few...hours. His thoughts trailed off at the end as he felt an excited mental nudge.

In the lair, Sidney physically nudged him. “Danny?” He questioned, pointing towards the mirror. His voice turned sad. “Is that what you looked like when you were alive?”

“When I was….alive?” Phantom turned and his eyes widened, taking in his reflection. In the mirror, he had black hair, blue eyes, and was wearing a white and red t-shirt.

Phantom! There was an excited exclamation in his head. At the same time, his reflection’s eyes widened.

“That’s not my reflection.” The ghost’s mouth stretched into a grin. He placed both hands on the mirror. “I’m here! I’m right here! I can see you.”

Across the mirror, Fenton smiled. You’re okay. The words were mouthed through the mirror and communicated in the ghost’s head.

“Yeah! I’m fine. I’m-” Phantom cut himself off as Fenton placed his own hands on the mirror, directly opposite his other half’s. Instantly, a warmth coursed into the ghost boy. His eyes widened as a wave of green passed over the mirror. “It’s open.” He muttered, sounding awed. 

Phantom didn’t quite understand how but the portal was opened. And he needed to be on the other side of it, now. With little effort, he pressed his fingers out of the mirror. He curled them around the back of Fenton’s hand as if he and his other self were holding hands.

Fenton grinned and he pulled.

Behind Phantom, Sidney called. “What are you-”

Without resistance, Phantom slipped through the mirror and right into his other self’s arms.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I honestly didn’t think about idiots when I suggested posting to ao3. Don’t do it if it’s even a hassle for you! People are dumb. Two grown women? How terrible! I definitely get it!

Nah nah it's ok, I'll put it up there because I'm sureit is easier to get updated through subs than constantly having to check my blog, I was just giving fair warning incase it disappears, that'll be why. People get so puritanical over the silliest shit it's insane. Plus, here there will still be bonus stuff that I simply cannot put on ao3 😌 Let's just say when they start texting privately, Lexa's lil nerd flag is gonna fly high

[hinerdsitscat]

So Let's Talk About Star Wars: Into the Dark

I yelled a bit about The Light of the Jedi so now I guess it’s time to unleash all of my thoughts about the next book in the High Republic series.

I liked Into the Dark more than I liked LotJ, partially because I just really like Claudia Gray’s writing (writer of the most iconic scene in the new canon novels, in which Leia shows up to a party in her most Obviously Sinister outfit after the big public scandal about Vader being her father in Bloodline), but also because Charles Soule had to put a lot of energy into introducing the entire High Republic universe over the course of the first book, whereas CG could just get down to business. I also think the slightly pared-down number of characters and plotlines in ItD helped a lot: I spent a lot of LotJ not knowing which characters I should get invested in, because the first third of the book kept introducing characters and then immediately killing them off.

So let’s talk characters because DAMN they are delightful:

Reath Silas, You Fucking Nerd

No, really, the number of times I yelled “oh my god Reath you FUCKING NERD” out loud while reading this book was well into the double digits.

This precious city boy who just wants to read a book and be left alone, to the extent that they unofficially gave him his own desk in the Archives. Bless.

Also, just the sheer innocence of this child thinking that all the adults around him have everything figured out

But also: “I understand prosthetic arms are more advanced than prosthetic legs. More comfortable too.” and then CUTS OFF SOMEONE’S ARM (I had to edit this post like a week after the fact because I can’t believe I forgot about this scene)

The absolute lack of danger sense on this child, I stg... Meeting the scary genocidal plants? "OH MY GOD YOU'RE SENTIENT PLANTS CAN I ASK A FEW QUESTIONS?" Face to face with a Nihil soldier holding a blaster? "I REALLY WANT TO TALK PHILOSOPHY WITH YOU!" Having Cohmac dump a Massively Worrying Bit Of Heresy in his lap? "OH HELL YES, WE'RE GONNA TALK PHILOSOPHY, BEST DAY EVER!"

Speaking of Cohmac...

Cohmac Vitus, A Parade's Worth of Red Flags

Hoo boy...

This guy is the walking embodiment of Every Problem That Is Going To Bite The Jedi Order In The Ass When Anakin Skywalker Comes Along: trauma, repressed emotions, questions that Jedi dogma can't sufficiently answer, got an unexpected Padawan but can barely take care of himself... like, the only thing he's missing is a forbidden romance (Avar and Elzar seem to have that plotline covered, I think/hope...)

None of that is a criticism, by the way: I'm 100% over here with popcorn screaming "YES, FUCK THIS GUY UP"

Everything's going to hell and people are about to attack one another? FLOAT IN MIDAIR BECAUSE WHO'S GONNA MESS WITH THE GUY WHO CAN FUCKING FLY

Orla Jareni, Heading Off to the Jedi Order's Version of Hampshire College

Her plotline felt very much like something from SWTOR, but that might just be because I started playing the Jedi Consular storyline, like, yesterday?

I really liked her flashback plotline because, like with Cohmac, this was another example of "I really wish the Order had addressed this issue before Anakin came along..." Namely, that she spent the flashback mission trying to ignore her instincts in favor of what she was told, and it naturally led to a catastrophe. I got a lot of shades of "I keep having dreams about my mother dying! Eh, it's probably nothing..." so anyway, I spent a lot of Orla's plotline silently yelling.

Also THANK YOU CLAUDIA GRAY for this amazing new addition to canon: "Orla had recently declared herself a Wayseeker--a Jedi who would operate independently of the dictates of the Jedi Council. Some Jedi, from time to time, found themselves drawn to a period of solitary action, whether that meant meditation on a mountaintop, helping revolutionaries on a tyrant-ruled world, or even, in one legendary instance, becoming a minor singing sensation on Alderaan." I HAVE ABOUT HALF A DOZEN FIC IDEAS NOW, MOSTLY AROUND OBI-WAN BECOMING A TEEN HEARTTHROB POP IDOL.

Dez Rydan, the Cool Kid?

This guy gave me serious Ganner Rhysode vibes and so I was not in any way surprised when he got the absolute shit kicked out of him, because he basically had Doom written all over him. I was, however, surprised that he survived?

The Barash Vow was really interesting, and I was actually relieved that the Jedi Order had something close to rehabilitation, even if it was just "meditate a lot."

Leox Gyasi, aka "Master Yoda on (Medicinal) Spice"

There's a canonically asexual character in the GFFA!!!

Which would make him...

...wait for it...

...

...

...an ACE PILOT

(ducks)

Anyway, Leox is played by Tim Rozon-as-Doc-Holliday-in-Wynonna-Earp and you cannot take that mental casting away from me.

Affie Hollow, You Sweet Summer Child

Yeah, that about sums it up, though I love that she really did think she could change her Bird Mafia Mom.

I also really hope that this isn't the last we'll see of her.

She suffers through Reath's explanation of what Jedi are and then asks what is quickly becoming The Question of the High Republic series: "So do Jedi have sex or not?"

Geode: Stone Groot

I just want to say how ELATED I am that there was NO EXPLANATION for what Geode's deal was other than: he's a Vintian, from Vint rock person. That's it.

[belloves]

Being a teacher is the best job in the world. Don’t worry. I know you’re going to be great! I’ve been reading your posts about getting certified all year, and I’ve always wanted to drop in and encourage you; but I was too nervous. I love teaching. I don’t love every minute of it, but I love how it makes me feel overall. What’s worked for me is being genuine (be yourself—maybe yourself on steroids bc we have to be larger than life—like I let my nerd flag fly and they like it while also rolling their eyes at me, it’s fun), having routines for e v e r y t h i n g, and keeping them too busy to f*** around (my class is hard af, but they’re always grateful after). Based on what I know from your writing alone, you are thoughtful and intelligent. I have no doubt that you’ll learn as you go, and that’s the mark of a good teacher. We’re not perfect. We make mistakes, and then we try something new until we find what works best. It’s a process. I wish you all the best next year, and I truly hope you love teaching as much as I do. **I’ve always wondered, what are you certified in? I’m secondary English. Bc you write so well, I’d always assumed you’d be an English teacher, but who knows. Feel free to ignore this and just know that I believe in you. Have a great first school year!

omg thank you so much! i know that i'm completely late in replying to this but seeing this message in my inbox ages ago really meant the absolute WORLD to me. i'm definitely super nervous for the year to start—even more so because it's the day after my birthday which is generally another nerve-wrecking day for me anyways—and i know that the first day is really crucial to the year. i'm reading some stuff and running things by others and planning the best i can to hopefully start my year off right.

i will definitely be showing my nerd flag. i spent all of my high school career hiding it and it's ironic that i'm returning to the same high school (now as a teacher) and i'm no longer afraid of it. if anything, if i don't have to prepare or grade papers, i might just bring my switch on the day pokemon diamond/pearl remakes are released (kidding, mostly, but definitely for lunch). i definitely have routines in place in my brain—it's just the notion of writing them all down and then sticking by them lol.

i'm wishing you the best upcoming year as well, teacher anon! definitely don't be afraid to return to let me know how your year is going. we have to stick together.

when i decided to go into a field of teaching, i was actually on the fence between english and math—and, ultimately, i decided to pursue a certification in math. both were subjects i excelled in and my love of math honestly grew as i took more higher level classes (tho my professors were the same cut-and-dry that i didn't like learning from) but ultimately, essays were the thing that ended up pushing me towards math. i love creating worlds, i am not a fan of analyzing them LOL.

i hope your weekend goes swell as you prepare for the next year of school!

[d-criss-news]

Darren Criss on his marriage and new role in ‘American Buffalo’

When Darren Criss settles into our Alexa interview at a chic cafe in West LA, he’s friendly and direct.

“I am an outspoken person in real life, but in the media, I find I’m very reserved,” he observes. “I’m asked questions about myself that I haven’t really had to think about. That is a really strange occupational hazard. It would be like if you asked your dental hygienist, ‘Do you think your career choice stems from your interest in cleanliness as a kid?'”

Reading between the lines: The actor-producer-songwriter du jour resists the sound bite.

Criss, 33, may be the consummate showman, but in person — apart from a hint of chipped black nail polish and a pair of gold-rimmed aviators that nod to his love of costume — he seems more cerebral theater nerd (a flag he flies proudly) than flamboyant hunk.

Before long, Criss is expounding on big themes in a delightfully thespy manner. Conversations branch off, reverse direction, then run off on entirely new paths.

“I like keeping myself in balance by taking constant left and right turns,” he explains of his career. “The party trick? You think I’m doing all this stuff spontaneously, but it’s not without a significant attention to detail and planning. I don’t freak out if it doesn’t go as planned, but whatever it is, I will optimize it. Drop me off anywhere, and I will make [it] as awesome as possible.”

For a significant and impassioned fan base, Criss is the guy who sang, danced and heartthrobbed his way through a starring role on “Glee.” He’d go on to become an unsettlingly cheerful killer in 2018’s “The Assassination of Gianni Versace: American Crime Story,” a nuanced performance that won him an Emmy and a Golden Globe.

In 2020, things are getting even more extra.

The day of our interview, he was flying to NYC to begin rehearsals for David Mamet’s “American Buffalo,” now set to begin previews April 14 at Circle in the Square Theatre (a delay after Broadway shuttered over the coronavirus pandemic). He will play Bobby — one of a trio of hustlers trying to make it rich — alongside Laurence Fishburne and Sam Rockwell.

“I try to do a show in New York every two to three years,” says Criss (who’s previously starred in “How To Succeed in Business Without Really Trying” and “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”). “It will be great to be in New York doing one of the great American plays with a great American playwright.”

He’s also experimenting with new formats, namely executive-producing, writing songs for and starring in the new satiric series “Royalties,” which will debut on the short-form video streaming platform Quibi this spring.

In May, he’ll channel the golden age of cinema in “Hollywood,” the hotly anticipated Ryan Murphy-helmed Netflix series, which Criss also executive-produced. (Not to mention his work for Elsie Fest, a musical-theater festival he co-founded five years ago.)

If your head is spinning, that’s all part of the plan.

“I love giving strangers an excuse to connect,” he says. “I just enjoy quirky things and quirky people. And that comes from the idea of challenging people’s expectations. At the end of the day, that’s my biggest driving force — that you can do something weird and have it be cool.”

Born in San Francisco, Criss knew early on that he wanted to follow an original path. He taught himself piano, studied violin and, at the age of 10, made his professional theater debut.

“Had my parents wanted me to be an actor, I wouldn’t have done it,” he reflects. “But I realized I had a knack for it. I’m literally a parrot: I like mimicry, music, accents.”

His hobby, he insists, is practicing his Japanese. A dream vacation, he says, would be a sojourn at Middlebury College’s language immersion program. “It’s where they send the CIA to learn Farsi. I would love it!”

While a student at the University of Michigan, Criss gained fame with his contribution to the YouTube cult hit “A Very Potter Musical”, which led to the co-founding of the musical-comedy sensation StarKid.

“At the time, studio execs didn’t understand the power of social media. In my early 20s, I was this Internet force with my friends, but going to play piano at [a bar] twice a week. I was living a double life, with Billboard-charting albums, and yet, how could you explain this to a casting director? They were like, ‘You make Internet videos?’ It was absurd to them. Nobody [at the time] knew how to monetize that.”

During his mainstream breakout as the chiseled Blaine Anderson — who famously covered “Teenage Dream” on “Glee” — Criss earned what he describes as a “master’s in putting music and the camera together,” an experience that has served him well in both “Hollywood” and his genre-defying Quibi show, where he’ll play a songwriter aside big-name musician guest stars.

While Criss has played several high-profile gay characters in his career, he says he’ll no longer accept such parts, telling Bustle in late 2018: “I want to make sure I won’t be another straight boy taking a gay man’s role.”

In February 2019 he married his girlfriend — writer-producer-musician Mia Swier — in New Orleans. The experience can only be described as an immersive extravaganza.

Their first “dance” was a rendition of “The Ballroom Blitz” by British rock brand Sweet, with Criss on guitar and Mia on bass. They were later serenaded by friends Lea Michele and John Stamos.

There were umpteen costume changes (during the evening’s silent disco, a Vera Wang gown and Armani suit were traded for matching sequin T-shirts). Although Vogue covered the festivities, Criss says much remains under wraps.

“I want to show people all the things that really go on [in my life], but I’m also quiet about it,” he reflects. “The wedding is a good example. I remember thinking,’I wish everybody in the world could see this, it’s the coolest thing I’ve ever pulled off.’ When I put myself into something, I give it everything I’ve got. That was a big representation of who I am and who my wife is and what we do.

It’s non-conventional, out-of-the-box thinking and that also led Criss and his wife to open the Hollywood piano bar Tramp Stamp Granny’s, in 2018. Mia (whose family founded The Mercury Lounge and Bowery Ballroom in NYC) takes the lead on the project, although Criss says he still occasionally tickles the ivories there, a throwback to his leaner years working piano bars.

If you ask nicely, he may even sing. Crew Credits: Fashion Editor: Serena French; Stylist: Anahita Moussavian; Fashion Assistants: Nicole Zane and Haley Wells; Grooming: Jessica Ortiz at Forward Artists using Shiseido; Tailoring: Amber Doyle

Photographed at Dear Irving, 55 Irving Place