#my mums been torturing me lately

[starsarehere]

Body Ache

[girlfictions]

something i’ve been thinking about lately is like. growing up muslim right after 9/11 is something i’d never really reflected on much because it was all i’d ever known — at 5, my friend’s mum didn’t let her invite me to her birthday party because i was the only brown girl in our class, at 12, my classmates would joke about my family being part of isis, at 16, my dad was interrogated by american airport security for hours — and it always stung and it always hurt but it was just the way things were because the western world hated muslims. but i don’t think i’ve ever fully comprehended the extent to which we were hated until now.

palestine is being turned into a mass graveyard. every single day there are new photos of the atrocities being carried out against them and videos of them pleading for help and still those who can actually intervene turn a blind eye. israel is claiming to only be targeting hamas “terrorists” while bombing a refugee camp. israeli police raided and assaulted a non-zionist jewish neighbourhood. israeli soldiers are posting tiktoks of them torturing captured palestinians. this is not a complicated issue and it never has been. ethnic cleansing is being committed right in front of us. and yet the western world leaders refuse to call for a ceasefire.

and while zionist organisations accuse pro-palestine demonstrations of anti-semitism, while zionist celebrities insist that they’re afraid to leave their mansions in los angeles, a six year old muslim boy was stabbed to death and his mother wounded in the same attack in chicago. a muslim doctor was murdered while sitting outside her apartment complex in texas. hundreds of peaceful protesters have been arrested (many of whom have been jewish). despite what zionists want you to believe, this is not a jewish/muslim conflict. i have so much love and gratitude to my brave jewish brothers and sisters all over the world who are condemning israel for their actions.

ultimately, israel have been granted impunity by the west. they have slaughtered thousands upon thousands of innocent palestinians. they have bombed hospitals and schools indiscriminately. they have used white phosphorus, violating the geneva convention. they have completely eradicated nearly 900 bloodlines. how many more need to be wiped out? how many more children need to be buried underneath the rubble? how many more doctors need to be confronted with the bodies of their own family members? how many more journalists need to detail the horrific acts of violence they are witnessing? what more can be done to the palestinian people that has not been done already?

i truly believe that palestine will be free one day. i believe the palestinian people will receive the justice they finally deserve. but what breaks my heart is how much they have suffered and will continue to suffer before they are deemed worthy of help. and it would be to all of our detriment if we ignored how much of a factor palestine being a predominantly muslim state has played into the way the world has reacted to their genocide.

[russellsppttemplates]

Straight from the heart (Lando Norris)

It takes a bad race for Lando to notice how much he has neglected your relationship, and he can only hope he can fix it

Note: english is not my first language. I was fighting the other piece I was writing so I jumped to this one and I did something a little bit different (* cough cough * longer) and see how it goes! I'm not sure how good this is (or how much you will want to kill me), but I promise this has a happy ending!! 🥹🫶

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: relationship struggles, curse words

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

The result on the screen was not the one you hoped. Lando had a wonderful race, but a mixture of bad strategy calls, dark rain clouds appearing on the sky with only a couple of laps left to finish the race and the wrong tire compound made him lose a good number of places, cars overtaking him in the last seven laps.

"Is the race over?", you mother asked as she stepped inside the living room, carrying the curtains she had left out to dry and proceeding to hang them back in their place.

"Yes, just now", your father said as he adjusted the volume on the TV, "let me help you, darling", he offered, getting up and standing beside your mum in case she got out of balance.

"Are you going to call Lando?", your mother asked once her squinty eyes read the position he had finished in. Even though the prescription glasses were on the table, she insisted she didn't want any mishaps after she accidentally dropped her last pair while she was gardening and one of your younger cousins found a rusty frame a couple of months later when he was over.

"I'm not, I don't think - he's flying back tonight and the timezone is so different, I don't want to bother him", you blurted defensively, making up excuses as you went along with your answer, "he's doing the interviews, and I'm sure the debrief will be long and torturous - he will need his rest to fly back", you stated as you got up, "I have to check on the project I handed in on Friday, the professor said he would post the grades around this time and if we want to appel, we have to do it right away - I'll be in my bedroom".

The subject was an open wound that stung everytime you so much heard a mention of it, let one having to seem completely okay with it when it ripped through your heart.

The calendar on your wall is full of stickers, both with notes, urgent matters and things you couldn't forget. It's the last stretch, you tell yourself, one more week and then it's done and you'll have a well deserved break.

A knock on your door catches your attention as you reply with the allowance to let whoever is on the other side in, "is something wrong?", you asked. Lately, the negative side of your mind was the first one to speak.

"That's what I want to ask you - that conversation we just had downstairs was not your usual self", she sighed as she pointed to the living room, "I've noticed you haven't mentioned him much, but I don't want to intrude or offer my help because I know you don't like meddling", your mother looked for your eyes before you could fully focus on the wooden floor.

"Things have been rough between us lately", you sighed, "Lando is keeping me at a distance, and I don't know the reason why, mum", you shrugged, "I don't know if it's because I've known him all my life and the comparison is so profound, but it seems he only cares about racing and his friends, and I'm nowhere in the mix. We rarely call eachother, no texting - I know the triple headers are intense, but all I got from him were reactions to my stories and a little video from Max where he's in it and said something to me", you recalled, "I can't be the only one making an effort, can I? Either he realised where this is going and we catch it while we can, or I don't know where this is going, I don't know where we're going".

Your mother's heart broke as she saw you allow the tears you had held on to fall freely, your sleeves bunched up on your hands to wipe them, "and have you talked about this? A long, grown-up and serious conversation?", she mused.

"We have barely been with eachother, mum!", you whispered shakily as more tears got caught on your throat.

"Couples go through phases, darling - do you think me and your father was all smooth sailing?", she tried to get you to smile as she brushed your hair while she hugged you, "you need to talk to eachother, seriously and let it all out, nothing is off limits because that's how you'll get to where you need to".

You kept your head on your mother's chest, accepting her comforting hold despite being an adult. A mother's hold was truly the best.

You hoped she was right and this was something that would pass. A rough patch that you and Lando would work through a look back on with a sense of accomplishment.

This wasn't how you and Lando end, is it?

.

Max and Lando headed for the plane as soon as they left the race track, having made prior arrangements to had their luggage there waiting for them once they arrived. Max was the first to sit down and get himself comfortable on the seat, texting his girlfriend to let her know they were leaving.

"Y/N hasn't called or even texted me, nothing", Lando mumbled, "didn't she watch the race? Doesn't she know that I need her?".

Max weighed in the good and the bad that his next few words could do. He could either be honest and encourage his best friend to finally come to his senses, or keep covering the lie and perpetuate the suffering and miscommunications.

"This is not how I wanted to do this - truth be told, I never wanted to have to do it", Max rambled off.

Lando was quick to notice that there was more to it than just this instance, "you know something - she's my girlfriend, Max, if something is happening, I deserve to know", he said in an antsy tone.

"Are you really so blind to it? Have you not noticed it yet? Damn it, Lando, I've been on your side, trying to clean it up and now I'm questioning it", Max declared as Lando only grew more confused.

"What am I missing Max?", Lando snapped, even catching his own self off guard at the reaction he had.

"Mate, think about the last couple of months and whether or not you have been a good boyfriend, or even the boyfriend Y/N deserves", Max offered.

Lando wasn't expecting that answer or point of view.

The last couple of months roll through his memory as if he's watching a movie and when he tries to select the moments he spent with you, he finds himself struggling to gather any at all. He can't remember any of the times you spent together, and considering his memory isn't that bad, it could only mean those moments didn't even happen. Thinking about it, he can remember the last time he held you in his arms, just the two of you.

"Fuck!", Lando shouted, punching the arm rest.

"Glad you figured that one out almost all on your own", Max tsked, "do you really think you deserve any interaction from Y/N? Thought so", Max muttered. He didn't like the situation his friends found themselves in, and he certainly didn't feel any joy in the words he told Lando, but the truth wasn't always easy to hear.

"Seems Y/N doesn't think so either", Lando mumbled, "do you know anything? Has she told you anything?".

He wasn't sure he deserved to know, but he needed to.

"The last time I spoke to her she didn't say anything - you know how Y/N doesn't want to bother anyone with her things and getting information from her is harder than solving the world's problems -, but P and her talk here and there", Max reasoned, "she obviously won't tell me all the details but from what I can tell, Y/N has really taken a toll because of this, P is always quite upset whenever it comes up", Max offered. Quite upset wouldn't cover it, so much so that, unbeknownst to Lando, the last couple of time Max's girlfriend couldn't join them for their plans was an orchestrated excuse from her to avoid being in the same room as the McLaren driver.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!", Lando groaned into his hands, "how could I not realise this was happening?".

"You want the honest, blunt truth?", Max asked and Lando nodded, "I know it's your job, but lately, it's all been about racing, and I think you've neglected Y/N ", Max offered.

McLaren had a one hundred and eighty degree turn lately. From struggling to get their cars in the points, the team had managed to turn things around to the point where P5 and P8 was considered a bad weekend for them.

With the new signings, Quadrant had grown exponentially and it had naturally drawn him to spend more time on it, and it seemed to have alienated everyone in his life that wasn't directly a part of those.

It wasn't intentional, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt. And by the looks of it, the person Lando loved and cared about most was also the one he hurt the most.

They both sat in silence as the British drive thought about all of it. Things got so good that he didn't look back, he worked his hardest and gave every piece of himself to the cause and the new territory he was paving. Being on the podium was a common feature for him, and the race win was there, up for grabs and he wanted it. Yet, he had been dazzled by it and had let himself fly higher, his characteristic "both head and feet on the ground" posture no longer present and resulting in a degree of neglection for the things and people thay mattered to him.have always been important to me.

"How did I push away the most important person in my life and I'm just now realizing this?", Lando asked, not really expecting an answer, but rather to let out all the frustration that boiled inside him, anger soon following at his late realisation, "what's worse is that I've only come to realise this because you had to tell me - stupid, stupid, stupid".

"I don't know what you want me to tell you, mate, and frankly there isn't much I can, but look on the bright side: now you have a chance to fix it", Max tries to comfort Lando.

"What if it's too late? What if Y/N doesn't want to be with me anymore?", Lando voicesd his deepest fear. What if the anger had finally got to you and you wanted to call it quits?

"Wouldn't you be able to understand that? I don't think that is the case - I've never seen two people who love eachtoher more than you two, it's as disgusting as it it lovely most times. And even though she might feel angry or hurt, I believe she has it in her to forgive you", Max states.

"I hope you're right", Lando sighed as he tapped his phone, his finger hovering over your contact.

"I wouldn't do that", Max chirped, "you should rest before diving into anything about that topic, and today has had too many emotions as it is. Tomorrow is a new day for you to think about it", he advised.

With his head on the headrest, Lando went over everything that occupied his mind, allowing the heavy sinking feeling to settle in. To a degree, he deserved the discomfort he felt. Shame, guilt, frustration, remorse, embarrassment, overwhelm, sadness.

What if he had destroyed the thing that made him the happiest? If I managed to single out the person who loved him for him?

.

Lan 🧡

Hello. You were probably expecting a text or a call, but the last few days haven't been easy and I needed to ground myself a little. We really need to talk, Y/N. Do you think we can grab lunch today?

It irritated you how quick your heart was beating the minute you saw who sent you the text after you submitted all the projects that you had left. Battling an inner fight of whether or not you should answer it, you decided to so it. Rip the band-aid off, Y/N.

To Lan 🧡

Hello... We do urgently need to talk. I'm on my own today - where do you want to go?

Your tone was cold and unusual when you compared it to the older messages, filled with hearts and the pet names you had for eachother.

We can go to that café by the marina, the one with the paninis you really like.

Yes, we'll meet here at one pm.

Do you want me to pick you up?

No, I'll walk.

Your sunglasses are good enough to hide the nervous gloom on them as you walked to the marina. There is no script or guideline to go about this lunch other than honesty and finally admitting everything you were feeling. It could go either way and, truth be told, you believed it would go down the way it was supposed to.

Stepping on the wooden path to the small café's outside area, you looked for the boy whose arms were where you used to feel safe.

Lando chose a table that overlooked the water, the warm sun shinning and bringing out the blue of it. It would be a big conversation, and while the café wasn't crowded, he never knew how things could pan out so he went for the most demure spot.

When you take a proper look at him, it surprises you. His eyes are not shiny like they usually are - there's a dark hue surrounding them along with sadness.

"Hey", you utter out to grab his attention.

The moment he faces you, you feel naked despite the summery dress you have on. All vulnerabilities exposed for the person who knows you best and who can read you like the back of his hand.

"Hello, hi", Lando cleared his throat, "how have you been?".

Setting your bag on the chair, you shrugged, not ready to engage in casual chit chat.

"Do you already know what you are having?", he wondered.

"The italian panini and iced tea", you mumbled after looking at the menu he handed you, "have you ordered yet?", you mused before calling the waiter to do so.

The silence between you after the waiter left the table was painful and hard to digest. You avoided looking at his colourful eyes - once you did it, breaking down would be in an instant.

"We really need to talk, Y/N", Lando says.

"Do you want to go first? Or shall I?", you asked bitterly, accepting his silence.

The waiter comes back with your orders. The café doesn't have a big menu and it's mostly empty, so the service was quick, "I hope you enjoy it - Bon appétit!", he interrupted the tension filled moment.

"I recognise I need to apologize to you for all the things I did without realizing it an-", Lando was cut off by you.

"Let me stop you there before this derails", you stated, "I'm here to have a serious, grown up conversation, so I'm not going to sit here and listen to dusty and beaten up childish excuses".

If the ground could sink him into it, Lando would've accepted it gladly.

"It's a start that you have realised that something was wrong, but you can't excuse yourself like that, Lando. Not when this situation has taken proportions that you can't fanthom - you can't get away with being sorry for not noticing what you were causing", you argued.

Lando gave you a nod, "I'm still not sure about all the things that led us to this point and what it entails, and that's why I wanted you here. I don't want to be blind to it anymore - I want to get all of it so all the pieces make sense in my head. You probably won't believe it, Y/N, but I'm so lost in this. I feel like I've lived a parallel universe for the past couple of months", Lando added all in one go.

"When did your feet come back to the ground?", you mused, "when did you feel like maybe things weren't the way they should be?". The curiosity was killing you, and the answer could very well do the last stab.

"When I lost all of those places in the race", Lando gulped, "I expected you to call and to hear your comforting words, and they never came. Max was the one to bring my mind to the matter", he admitted and you could see he was the opposite of proud of his own actions, "How I've been the worst boyfriend in the world and how I deserved that you didn't call - hell, I'm not even sure if I deserve that you're here today and willing to listen to what I have to say".

It's difficult to maintain a tough appearance and pretend that his words don't affect you, but alas, you keep your armour on.

"That afternoon was a struggle for me, Lando. I wanted nothing more than to call you and hear your voice, silence your cornerns and negative thoughts, let you know that you're the best driver out there and that a bad race doesn't define you. That it wasn't your fault and that you shouldn't beat yourself up because of it, that I was still so proud of you and how you handled things and that nothing could keep me from shouting to the rooftops. But you didn't deserve it, my dignity has been punched by your actions day in day out for the past couple of months and I couldn't take it anymore".

"I need you to hear things from your side, I need to know your perspective so I can understand what I did wrong and if I'm able to fix it still", Lando asks desperately.

"We should start from the beggining then", you laced your hands on top of the table after taking a bite of your panini, "I think it was at the end of the last season - at the time it didn't seem like it, but looking at it now, it was the start. I even took some time off and travelled with you so we could enjoy your break, then I came back for university. It's never easy, I know, but up until then we never had any issues with it - even if it was a bloody run, we made time for eachother. Then, you barely texted, let alone call - but all relationships hit rough patches and I thought that it was ours. Then Christmas came around and we finally felt like us again, there were no work or uni commitments, and it was bliss. After that, life happened again and I couldn't find a way to spend time with you - there was always a Quadrant video to film or a meeting or some event. You, Max and Martin went to Bali, and despite the fact that I didn't have any exams and could easily do university stuff remotely - like I do everytime - you didn't even think to ask me if I wanted to go or if I had planned something for us in the first place. I just took it for granted that you would spend it with me, but when P showed me the photos I looked like a fool and an ungrateful friend and girlfriend because I stayed back, Lando. I never felt so humiliated. Max had his girlfriend and you didn't, you ignored me as if I didn't matter to you", you breathed out. Ruminating was one thing, talking about it out loud was another. The latter angered you less and hurt more.

"I'm sorry", Lando murmured and you were quick to shoot it down.

"I don't need you to apologize now, Lando. What I needed was for you to make a decision then, one that considered me and what I wanted", you sighed, wiping a stubborn tear that got out, "after that, I just watched you pull further and further away, and I tried to get closer, work things out, but you wouldn't let me in. You floated and floated and I stayed here, both feet glued to the ground as I watched you go higher and higher. You were never like this, letting things get to your head wasn't something you ever did, but it happened. You alienated me in such a way that for this triple header, I didn't hear your voice once unless it was from the TV or the McLaren social media. You only wanted to call when you needed comfort, and it hurts that it took Max to help you see things the way they are", you state as tears fell uncontrollably down your cheeks.

Apart from your earlier bite, both wooden serving boards look full and no one made a move to go further.

"You told me time and time again that you would always be there for me, but when I was the one needing a cuddle and reassuring words, I was all alone in my bedroom, crying because of you. When you said you'd be there for me, I guess you failed to account for the fact that you can't protect me from yourself.. Because what hurt me these past couple of months was you", you declared, sniffling and, finally, looking into Lando's swollen and tear-filled eyes.

The tears Lando has been holding back fell. He was angry with himself, at how he had done the one thing he promise not to do to you. He made you hurt, he was the reason you were in pain and he couldn't keep you from feeling it.

"I wish I could tell you there was a reason behind it and that it all has some justification, but there isn't and I can't lie to you. I was propelled from the results and the promise that this could be our year - my year - and everything else faded away. I know it's not any help, but I'm not proud of what I did, and definitely not proud of the way I made you hurt - I wish I could turn back time and do it differently", Lando confessed.

"I needed you, Lando", she bit back.

Lando couldn't find any words after that and once you began eating the now cold panini, he followed your movements, granting you the quietest meal you ever shared with him. Lando was playful, loud, cheery and giggly on any other day. As much as it nagged you that your words were the ones to dim that light, you had to put yourself first. Someone had to.

"Can we walk along the marina?", Lando asked once you finished eating, earning your nod to his surprise.

You both get up, Lando paying for your meal at the front before you left the establishment. You walked along, looking at the luxurious boats and yachts before you found a part of the wall that you was comfortable enough to sit on, remaining in silence as you watched a couple of people unlock their yachts and sailing away.

Lando wanted to say something, to prove to you that he was sorry and that he still loves you more than anything, but the fear of saying the wrong thing and hurting you even deeper was not something he wanted to risk.

"You're going to break up with me, aren't you?", Lando voiced the biggest worry on his mind since he left his apartment.

"I walked here, so I had time to think about all of this, and all I could think was that I was going to meet you there, be reminded of all the pain you made me feel, and then we wouldn't see a solution to this. And on my way here, it got harder because I passed by the shop where we always go for croissants, and then that park where I tripped and you carried me home because of my bruised knee even though I could walk just fine, the bench where that lady asked if Mila was our daughter when your brother visited. And when I arrived at the café and saw you, I knew there was no way I could do it", you half smiled.

"I struggled to see what was happening, and I didn't see what was clearly in front of me, and I know I can't undo all of the crap that I've made", Lando pointed out, "but I can say that I love you, Y/N. I love you even more than when I asked you to be my girlfriend, which I never thought was possible, but everyday I love you a little bit more. I know I won't be able to love anyone the way I love you and, honestly, I'm not sure who I am without you, because I've turned into a person I don't recognise anymore and I'm afraid that if I don't have you around, this is the real me, and I don't like it. You make me a better person - since day one! I'll love you forever, but I also understand that you don't need this pressure in your life and that you want us to be over. I deserve that", Lando mumbled.

As much as the idea of not being with you hurt him, he knew it didn't equate to the pain he caused you hence why he deserved it if you dumped him.

"You're making it so hard", your groaned rubbing your temples, "It would have been so much easier if you had told me that you didn't care about this, that you didn't care about me anymore".

"That's never going to happen, Y/N", Lando assured you.

"It would be so much easier if I told you to fuck yourself off, wouldn't it?", you chuckled and Lando got to see a small glimpse of the world's best smile, "but I can't do it - I do think, though, that we need to take some time, for both of us to work on our own things", you suggested.

"I get it, you can have all the time and space you need, Y/N", Lando nodded, "would it be too much to ask if I asked you for another shot?", he wondered as you quirked an eyebrow, "I know you just asked me for some time, and I'll give it to you, but I'm not going to let you entertain the thought that I don't care about you or that I don't love you any longer. I'm still the same person you met all those years ago and I want to remind you why you fell in love with me in the first place - if that's even the case", he blurted, "please".

"Slow steps, okay?", you mused with a small small.

"Is it still the case?", Lando picked up where he left off, "are you still in love with me?".

"If I wasn't in love with you and if I didn't love you, trust me, I wouldn't be here", you smiled, squeezing his hand in yours on top of the warm stone.

.

Over the last couple of days, you felt lighter. University was finally over for the semester and you could rest, and the whole situation with Lando was better. Even though it hurt to tell him all of those things and see his reaction, and even if Lando still had a lot to make up for, you had to admit you didn't expect to feel like this right away. The right path was being trailed and you couldn't feel more at peace with it.

So far, he kept his respectful distance, which didn't mean that you didn't know he was there. Two days after you met him in the marina, Lando sent you a bunch of flowers to your doorstep, your mother being the one to bring them up to your bedroom since she was arriving from work as the delivery man was about to knock on the door, smirking when she saw who it was from.

You were getting ready to go out for a picnic with Lando. The sunny day invited you to go out and Lando seemed to think the same, sending you a quick text with the location and plan ideas.

"Where are you off to?", your mother asked as she noticed you looking for your hat, "you look very nice, dear".

"Lando invited me for a picnic", you offered her a smile despite the butterfly feeling on your tummy.

"I'm glad you're working things out, Y/N - I know how much you care about him. And even if he hurt you, he's doing the work to get you back - a lot of men would just give up, but not Lando", your mother nudged. She always liked him despite her initial concerns when he moved up the racing ladder and the toll it would take on you. For a brief moment, she was upset that she had been right, but she never lost the hope that the young man dating her daughter would fight for them and for her. For you.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be out, but if I'm not home for dinner, don't worry too much", you added, waving at her before closing the door.

You drove yourself to the park, politely declining Lando's offer to pick you up. As you followed the directions, you spotted Lando under one of the trees, seemingly battling with the corner of the picnic blanket.

"Hey, need help with that?", you called as you approached him, noticing his flustered face at getting caught.

"Hey! It's fine, it's fine", he dusted off his shorts, "I didn't fold the corner properly, never mind iron this", he grumbled.

"We're going to sit on it, I don't think we needed it ironed", you smiled, setting your small backpack on the blanket and occupying the space that wasn't covered with glass containers and pape bags, noticing the logo of your favourite bakery and the sweets shop near Lando's apartment.

"So, I baked these - who knew my oven works, hm?", he joked as he pulled out some granola bars that smelled delicious, "Jon did give me the recipe, but I made them! He says they don't have any harmful raw ingredients in them so there's no danger if they're not cooked properly".

"You could've told me to bring something too", you sighed, "you had all this trouble and I'm just going to sit here and eat it", you reasoned.

"I think we've gathered that I deserve all this trouble, even though I didn't mind doing it - I think I finally get it when people say they find baking relaxing, even if I just threw some oats and syrup on a bowl with nuts and chocolate", Lando shrugged.

You smiled at his antics, "this looks lovely, Lan - thank you", before you grabbed a paper napkin to grab the food.

Lando's heart did a little backflip at the pet name - when he thought about it, he can't remember the last time you called him anything other than his name.

He wiped the thought away as he noticed you get one of the paper bags, "It was no trouble, but I did have to make sure the lady at the pastry shop knew I was the next in line because there was this lady, you should've seen her, she was, like, eighty? I don't know, maybe more than that, and she was very posh and very proper and she was trying to cut in line! Then she started saying something in French and I was like 'no can do, madam! I need to get these croissants for my girlfri- for Y/N because they're her favourites' - I bet she wanted to get them first but I did!", he dramatised the scene, earning your loud laugh. How much he missed that sound.

"Seems like it was a little troublesome, though", you teased. Inside your chest, your heart beat fast at his efforts.

"You're worth it", he smiled before taking a bite of the granola bar, "not to toot my own horn, but for someone who eats pre-prepared meals, this is amazing! Try these!", he offered, forming a shell with his hand before he brought it up to your mouth.

For anyone else, this would be just another set of cute behaviours, but for you, it carried a sense of intimacy you hadn't felt in a while. Taking a bite of it and chewing, you had to admit the balance of the nutty taste and the chocolate was on point, "it is good, Lan! You should make granola bars more often - might even make a side business out of it!", you smiled.

"Charles has some ice-cream, there's alcohol from the other guys too - me? Granola bars", he smiled, eating the rest of it and looking at you. He would never be stupid again. He would never take you for granted. Never ever.

The conversation flowed once you started eating, mainly pointing out the new swings in the park or the pretty blooms that were showing up, and even though you weren't acting like you would had it not happened, it was comfortable and Lando had definitely put some effort into this.

"Thank you for this, Lando", you smiled after you helped him clean up the supplies, making sure he wouldn't have any spills and trouble taking the rest home.

"It's alright, really", Lando mumbled as blood rushed to his cheeks, "it wasn't much, but I wanted to make sure you remembered I'm still in and that I love you more than anything", he smiled, closing the basket and getting up with it to walk back to the car, "which actually brings me to an invite I want to make you", he went back to mumbling again.

The invite was a risk, he knew it. After all, it was the reason that got your relationship here in the first place. Yet, he wanted you there and he thought it would be good. Adding to it, it would be the way that he could make sure he was able to see you as it would be a busy day.

"What is it?", you asked as you walked with him.

"The day after tomorrow, we're going karting - Max and P are coming over for a few days, they arrive tomorrow - and I was wondering if you wanted to join us", he invited, "I know it's not the best environment to be in given al-", he started rambling.

"I'd love to go, Lando", you assured, touching his arm confortingly, "I might need a ride though, if you don't mind doing the detour", you pointed out.

"It's fine, of course we'll pick you up!", he smiled, happy and excited at your answer.

"That's me", you nodded to your mother's car, unlocking it with the key, "thank you so much for this, Lan, I appreciate it a lot", you smiled, raising your stance so you could kiss his cheek, "will you text me the details when you know, please?".

"Yes! Absolutely!", he gave you a big smile again, "until then, Y/N!", he waved.

As Lando walked back to his car, there was an extra spring up on his step, a new found energy and a smile that insisted on not disappearing from his lips.

Little by little, he was slowly getting you back.

.

"Why are we going this way?", Max asked as Lando took the first exit on the roundabout, "isn't the track that way?".

Lando couldn't contain his smile, "we're going to pick Y/N up first".

Max and Pietra exchanged a look before rhe blonde woman spoke up, "you finally came to your senses?".

"P!", Max scolded.

"It's alright, Max - she's not wrong", Lando added, "but yes, I have, and I'm working on it, respecting her but making sure she knows how much I regret it, how sorry and how bad I feel that it happened and how I'm trying my hardest to make sure it does happen again", Lando turned around once he stopped at the red light, "Thank you for looking after her when I didn't, P. I know you have been a good friend to her, so thank you for that", he added.

"She didn't deserve what you did to her, but I'm happy you figured it out and that you're working on it - I don't say it too often, but if you two ever broke up, I would consider that true love isn't a thing, what you two have is something else entirely", she smiled.

"Excuse me?!", Max dramatised, "what did you just say?".

"Did I lie, Max? Who was it that came home in a nervous fit without any fingernails because they bit all of them off after Lando realised what happened? The same person who couldn't even sleep because of it? Who was it, hm?", she quesioned her boyfriend.

Lando chuckled at his friends, thinking that they really had been made for one another, "you two make me look like the sanest person inside this car", he shook his head, pressing the pedal and turning into your street.

There you were, the person he was sure was made for him too. Your outfit was simple, consisting of black jeans, black trainers, a shirt sleeve polo and a cardigan on your arm.

"Hi guys!", you greeted, getting inside the car and kissing Pietra's cheek before putting your seatbelt on.

"Why don't I get a kiss?", Max pouted.

"Because you stink, that's why", Lando chirped in, "all ready to go back there?", he mused, sending you a wink from the rear view mirror.

Blushing, you nodded before looking at Pietra again, accepting her hand in yours as she gave it a squeeze. For the whole drive to the track, you engaged light conversation, mainly listening to the plans they had for the clips they were filming before they raced eachother since you and P would happily drive around in the karts just to pass the time.

For the first segment, you stayed on the stands, watching the team get the equipment ready.

"How have you been, Y/N?", Pietra asked as she handed you a bottle of water she had gone to her and taking a sip of her own.

"I've been well - university is finally done with and I can actually have a thought that doesn't involve it", you giggled, "and Lando is home", you offered.

"Now, I wasn't going to be so blunt, but that is the subject I wanted to get at", she raised her eyebrows playfully.

"He's... Goodness, he's Lando again, my Lando", you sighed happily, "surely, it still stings a little and we need to work through our issues, but we're trailing our way through them. Learning our ways together - it's a bit like falling in love again and it's such a good feeling", you blushed at your admission, "it's doing us well and we're going with it, and not out of it", you smiled.

"Y/N", Pietra cooed, "you have no idea how make that makes me! It's so good to see you so happy and hopeful", she squeezed your arm, "I was ready to avenge you on him, by the way, Max did us both a favour in telling him, because I was sure what I wanted to do to Lando was considered a crime and I'm a good person", she raised her hands defensively.

Once the boys were done, Max waved at you to come down and meet them, giving them the time to get your equipment ready.

"Come here, I need to make sure you don't fly out of your kart this time", Max called his girlfriend after she was fully equipped to go on the single seater.

You finished the makeshift hairstyle before you looked for the helmet, finding it in Lando's hands, "come here, big head, I'll help you put it on", he smiled.

As you approached him, you could see his sudden nervousness at having you so close to him, hands setting the helmet on top of your head and then pulling in on, "Look who's talking", you mumbled quickly before it was all the way in, his fingers gingerly touching your neck as he did the strap buckle.

"All good for our speed daredevils?", Max joked, getting an instant slap from Pietra before he got up.

"Does it feel safe, Y/N?", Lando checked with you, making you wiggle a little to make sure you were strapped tightly enough, making you flash his two thumbs up.

"Ready, set, go!", Max yelled before you and Pietra went off, happily driving on the track despite not extracting the full potential out of the kart.

"You and Y/N seem well", Max offered as him and Lando took a break before they joined you back at the track.

"I don't think I'll ever stop feeling this guilt on my chest, it's like a weird weight that sits here and gets heavy every now and again", Lando explained, "but I think we're going in the right direction, and I'm going to spend every day of our lives making sure it never happens again. Y/N will never doubt my love or affection for her. I just want to make her happy now that she knows I know how much I screwed us up".

"I'm proud of you, man", Max tapped his back.

"You're what?", Lando asked, a little flustered at his bestfriends words.

"I'm proud of you, Lando - you're dealing with this in such a good way! I'm not saying I doubted you would, but seeing you actually do it and make it happen in such a grown up, loving and accountability filled way makes me proud of who you became. As much as I joke about it, what P said in the car was true - you and Y/N are it. Whenever I think about what endgame is, you two are the first thing that comes to mind", he admitted.

"Thanks, mate", Lando replied earnestly.

After a couple of laps from you, you saw the boys joining you in the track, making you assure that whenever they lapped you, you made a Mario Kart like noise, always managing to get a smile and a headshake from Lando and Max.

Once you were done, Max and Pietra volunteered to take all of the supplies back to the storage room.

"Did you enjoy your day, Y/N?", Lando asked as he approached you.

Surprising him, you nodded before you hugged him, "I haven't been this happy in a long time", you cuddled him, letting your head rest on his chest and letting yourself feel enveloped by his arms after the initial shock wore off.

"I'm glad", Lando uttered out before he composed himself, "I just want you to know that I could fulfill all your dreams and that there I'll never do anything to hurt you again. I'm well aware of all shit I've done and put you through, and how accountable I am for it. I just want to make you happy", he chuckled, "I don't want anything else in this world other than to make you happy, to show you how much I love you and that I want make this work, I want to make us work", he let out in such a serious and intense tone that you could feel a knot forming your throat, "you were my first love and I want you to be my last, Y/N".

"Lan...", you gasped softly, "I know it hasn't been good for you, but I just need a little bit more time to put it behind me, once for all", you added.

"I know, and that's alright", he mumbled against the top of your head, "I just wanted you to know that it is coming straight from my heart - everything I do, I do it for you", plucking up the courage to press a kiss there.

You closed your eyes and basked in the feeling, "two Bryan Adams references in the same sentence from the guy who used to DJ? You impress me, Lando Norris", you giggled and teased him playfully, feeling the rubble from his own laugh on his chest.

"I'll make sure to impress you everyday that we're alive, Y/N Y/L/N", he promised.

And he intended to keep it.

.

Lando invited you to his apartment for a cosy night in, thinking the plans over and over while he waited for you to arrive.

The delivery service was faster than he expected so he wrapped the takeout boxes in all of the kitchen towells he had so they would help retain the heat while you weren't there yet.

The whole apartment was tidy, he had your favourite blanket on the sofa and the TV had your favourite shows ready to stream in the background as you hopefully shared a comforting meal.

Your acceptance to come to his place made Lando feel very pleased with the way you were trailing in your relationship. He had been able to correct his mistakes and make you happy again. Even though there had been moments where he seemed to forget, he now knew that you had always been and will always be a priority in his life. He had never been in love with anyone else, and he was sure he would always be in love with you until his last breath.

A knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts, heading up to the door to open it, "Hello hello! Come in", he gestured as you stepped inside, pecking his lips on the way - a few days prior, you had kissed him out of nowhere when you went to the bookshop and you swore he looked like a cartoon, all wide eyes and blushy cheeks.

Lando assured you you wouldn't leave the house and it would be just the two of you, so you hadn't bothered to put together a proper outfit, opting to wear a pair of leggings and an old Quadrant hoodie.

"I wasn't sure if I should bring anything, so I stopped by the sweets shop to get some of these hard candies, apparently they're very trendy now", you giggled sweetly as you set the bag on his hands so you could take your trainers off.

"You didn't have to, but thanks! We'll do a taste test after dinner - which is here by the way", he guided you to the living room.

Unravelling the mountain of kitchen towells, he had you sit down before he opened the containers, handing you a plate after you chose a bit of each of the dishes he ordered, "thank you, Lan", you smiled, sitting criss-cross on the sofa and waiting for him to do the same before you started eating.

"These are really good, have you tried them? They're new on their menu and when the guy explained it to me, I thought you'd like it", he pointed to one of the bite sized pieces.

"They are! They're not too heavy on the seasoning and they're really nice when you dip them in this sauce - try it!", you offered him the small cup.

"Is this going to be like the time you made me dip my spring rolls in that other sauce you claimed was the best thing in the world?", he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Just try it, Lan!", you insisted, getting one from your plate, dipping it in the sauce and taking it up to Lando's mouth, your hand under the chopsticks in case some of it fell on his clothes.

Lando chewed it before nodding and humming in satisfaction, "is it good", he admitted with a smile after he wiped his lips.

Once you finished eating, you helped Lando bring everything back to the kitchen, saving the leftovers on his fridge, washing the plates and putting them away.

"You didn't have to help, I could've done it myself", Lando nudged before he laced your hand in his and pulled you back to the living room, "do you want to watch something?", he asked.

"There's this new Disney movie I haven't watched if you're up for it - or any of the shows we usually watch, I'm not picky", you answered quickly.

"Disney it is", he smiled sitting down and resting his arm on the back of the sofa, hoping you'd sit next to him and cuddle him.

You shuffled around before grabbing the fluffy blanket, pulling it over your legs and tentatively closing the distance between you, taking the plunge and taking a spot on his chest.

Once the movie was playing, Lando's arm dropped to wrap around you, lulling you closer to him and rubbing your arm.

"I can hear you thinking, and I'm sure you're not thinking about that little goat", you nodded to the screen.

"I'm watching the movie, I swear - and he's quite funny actually! He's also Mila's favourite character, at least he was last week", Lando chuckled, "but I was also thinking about us", he admitted.

"You were?", you turned to look up at him, wanting to know more.

"You do know I will apologize for what I did until the end of our lives, don't you?", Lando reflected out loud.

"Lando, stop it, it's forgiven and forgotten", you offered.

"Is it really?", he asked, a small smile breaking his way into his lips.

"It is, it's behind us now", you kissed his clothed chest.

"I will never forget it, though. It doesn't matter how many times you tell me to forget it or that you've forgiven me", he let out a shaky sigh, "I don't think I will, I hate myself for what did to you, the hurt that I caused you".

"Lando, let's not talk about it right now - not now, not ever. It's a part of our story, yes, and we learned from it, but I don't want to to remember every day. We are good now, and I don't want you to torture yourself with something that is out of your reach and that you can't change", you told him sternly, now sitting back against the sofa so you can face your boyfriend, "Promise me we won't mention this again, Lando".

"You're right", Lando agrees, "Okay, you're right, I promise, Y/N", he stated with a smile.

Your delicate lips peck his quickly before you go in for a second kiss, longer and more intense this time, and you both got lost in eachother.

You couldn't change what happened, but you could learn from it and work everyday to make sure it never happened again.

Lando was crazy about you, about who he was when was with you and how you made him feel, and you felt the same way about him.

"I love you, Lando", you smiled after you pulled away, resting your forehead in his.

"I love you forever, Y/N", he whispered, sealing his promise with a peck and bracing himself, "I'm never taking you for granted, and maybe this is a big gesture and I'm not sure how much this fits our new way - new patch? It's not a patch if we want it to last forever, right? - anyway, I would like to ask you to move in with me", Lando stated, "it doesn't have to be tomorrow or right away, we'll do it when you're ready! I just- I spend so much time of the year away as it is, and I don't want to cut the short time even shorter when it comes to you, so this way we'll be together for a bit longer - even if it's just at nightime and we can intertwine our legs or I can warm up the bed for you", he rambled on and you were sure he wouldn't stop anytime soon.

"Hey, hey! Lando, baby", you cupped his face with your hands, "look at me", you smiled as you straddled his lap, your thighs on each side of his and keeping you from fully sitting on him, "good now?".

"Well, since you're already there - sit, please", Lando added before he allowed himself to stress about your answer.

"I don't want to squash you", you mumbled.

Laying his hands in your thighs, he pulled you down, "I said sit down", he spoke sternly despite the playful glint on his eyes, "it's my home after all, I get to make the rules".

"Oh, I thought it was our home, but maybe I misread th-", your playfulness was cut short as your boyfriend flipped you around, your back hitting the soft sofa cushion with a yelp.

"You're moving in? For real?", he asked.

"Yes, baby, I'm moving in", you cupped his cheek, pulling him for a kiss, "I love you".

"My love, I'm going to spend everyday reminding you how beautiful, how strong", he started kissing your face with every word, "how kind, how amazing, how sexy, how hot, how smart, how kind, how incredible you are", he stopped just above your lips, "how all mine you are - I love you Y/N, forever", before he kissed your lips.

[fantasyandshit]

You saved me

Type: one shot

Pairing: Sirius black x sister reader

⚠️ WARNING⚠️

This one shot is very graphic and includes themes such as- Rape, torture, sexual assault, abuse to the extreme, and more- this is a very very triggering and graphic one shot, reader discretion is advised

Minors do not interact!

(Some people may be disgusted by what I’ve put out, however this is a one shot I made to almost represent my feelings after childhood trauma and being a victim of rape and sa- this is a very sad fic but one I related to in the sense it represents feelings and emotions- I didn’t go through these events myself)

I want to make it clear- I am here for every single one of you- I always will be an open source- you can vent to me about anything and everything and I will always listen and support you guys. I love y’all so much and hope you all know you are important to this world and are very amazing people.

“I just- I can’t with her. She is such an ass kiss to our parents! They beat me and Reggie but she could quite literally murder someone and they wouldn’t care because she is there perfect little death eater girl!”

I stare from behind the corner of the courtyard where Sirius- my older brother, complains to his friends about me. Tears spring to my eyes but I don’t let them fall as I run back to the Slytherin common room. Sirius doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand what the parents do to me, what people do to me behind closed doors: and he never will. He can’t, I have to protect him from that and if it means he hates me then so be it.

The next morning I walk to the great hall with my bags packed for winter break- Regulus is staying with some friends of his and Sirius is staying with the Potters- he’s been living with them for the past six months now and seems happier than ever and I’m so glad. No matter how upset mum and dad were with the decision, I’m both terrified and glad the boys will both be gone; terrified because it means there’s so much touching and beating that will come but glad they won’t have any chance of catching anything.

———

(Same day, Sirius pov)

“I just- I can’t with her. She is such an ass kiss to our parents! They beat me and Reggie but she could quite literally murder someone and they wouldn’t care because she is there perfect little death eater girl!”

I can’t help but complain to the boys about my sister, she is my parents golden child, always has been and probably always will be. I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a dark mark under that stupid slytherin sleeve.

Suddenly, Regulus pops up behind me, “Sirius!”

“What?” He looks angry and that’s when I realize, “oh my godrick, tell me you aren’t trying to defend that brat!”

“You really are unbelievable brother, have you not noticed-“ a sigh as he looks down, “Sirius she’s dead, she’s not the sister she used to be, she has no life behind her eyes, no mischief that once was there- remember? Remember all the pranks you played? The spark in her eye? It’s gone, something is going on. Something she won’t let us know about.”

I take a moment and think…oh my godrick gryffindor, Reggie is right, something is going on. I look up to see the other nodding along as pieces click in our brains, “They don’t expect either of us at home, we could sneak in to figure out what’s going on?”

“That’s a good idea, I’ll be to the potters residents in two days time.” We make more plans and then split for now, waiting anxiously to carry out the plan.

———

Me, James, Remus, and Regulus hide behind a wall in the invisibility cloak and that’s when I see my sister walk into the living room, her head down and her hair pulled into a high pony, her skinny body-skinnier than I ever remember- covered in bruises and scars only in some flimsy, black lace lingerie. What.the.fuck. Is happening? Me and regulus meet each others gazes, both confused, heated with anger, and sadness.

My sister sits on the couch defeated and only seconds later I see five good friends of fathers- all in their late 40’s to 50’s walk into the room. All in simple boxers and or pants- none with shirts. That’s when I realize what’s going on, rage takes over my body and I almost jump out into the living room but am quickly grabbed by my brother.

He shakes his head no, he too looks absolutely enraged but we have to wait a little bit longer.

———

(Same time Yn’s pov)

The men walk into the room and I simply stare into the distance as they advance.

I��m slapped around a few times, they man handle me till I’m crying and bleeding, raping me more times then I care to count. Drool, tears,sweat, and blood dripping down my face by the time they are done, I’m completely numb. Mum and dad walk in the room asking the men how it was and completely ignoring me.

“Absolutely horrible, she was quiet as a mouse and had no fight in here, she laid there like nothing.”

“Oh really?” Mom’s gaze snaps to me, I can’t bring myself to lift my heavy head from where it lays but I know what’s coming.

Her wand flicks and I’m strung up by my arms, I’m whipped 55 times till I’m shaking with cuts digging deep in my flesh. Finally, the part I’ve been dreading the most- my mom’s wand raises above her head, “Crucio!” Pain overwhelms me and I thrash in my restraints, piss joining the bodily fluids already leaking from my body.

After I can’t tell how long I’m near passing out and I hear crashes and bangs, distant voices and foot steps, I hear curses thrown and defenses drawn. My eyes are nearly closed but I hear someone skid over to me, cutting me from my restraints and carefully lowering me into their lap.

I look up from where my head lays on the persons legs as they brush hair out of my face, swiping away tears and blood, drool and who else knows what with their sleeve. As they stroke my sticky cheek I see who it is…

“Sirius?” My voice cracks, horse and weak.

“I’ve got you sis, just shh, and stay awake okay? I’ve got you now, we’re gonna save you.” My big brother carefully picks me up, carrying me from the mansion as people follow after, the potters waiting out in the front frantically.

“Boys, what’s happened? What-oh dear Godrick. Hurry, we’ll get her to Saint Mungoes. (I think that’s the name?)” Mrs Potter moves forward quickly at the sight of my broken body.

“Boys.” Mr potters voice is stern as he addresses the teenage boys in question, “tell me exactly what’s happened.”

———

I wake up on a couch, a thin blanket covering my shivering body. I panic for a moment, just before Mrs.Potter rounds a corner with a bowl of water and a rag. “Oh Yn! You’re finally awake dear!”

“I’m-I’m sorry- what’s going on?”

A look of grief and sadness washed over her as she replies, “oh love- you were injured- bad, luckily the boys found you and saved you, we brought you to St.Mungos but after a week they said to bring you back home and let you keep healing. You’ve been out a totally of 10 days love.”

“Oh- oh yeah. Ok. Wait you said the boys saved me?”

“Well yes, Your brothers, James, and Remus.” She dabs water on some healing cuts.

“Oh- where- where are they?”

“Hm, good question, one moment.” She turns to the stairs, “BOYS!”

After a few moments I hear four sets of foot steps stomping down the stairs, trampling over each other- “Yn!” Regulus flings into my arms, I wince but ignore my soreness.

“Hey little bro.” I smile and ruffle his hair as he moves.

“It’s good to see you awake Yn.”

“Thank you Remus- thanks to all of you.”

“Of course!” I look to James and give a small, grateful smile.

“Uh- y-Yn?”

“Hey big bro. Thank you. So much.”

Tears well in Sirius’ eyes? I’d never seen it before, “I’m so sorry.” He crumbles into my open arms as he sobs. I know why he’s apologizing and it’s not his fault. Tears of my own collect in my eyes as I hold him, patting his hair softly.

“It’s ok. It’s ok. I forgive you.”

“I’m so sorry- I didn’t- I didn’t know and I- oh I’ve been terrible.”

“Sirius, Sirius look at me.” I pull his head up, smoothing his hair and rubbing his cheeks, “it’s ok. I promise it’s all ok. I don’t blame you, I never have and I never will ok. You saved me- you saved me Sirius- thank you.”

He nods weakly as we hug again before he stands up, clearing his throat.

———

So this one’s been in my drafts for abouttttt three weeks now. I’ve been scared to release it ngl.

[youre-a-total--poser]

Hi there

Can I please request a WandaNat and reader daughter please?

Natasha is our mum and is worried about us at school when we show up with a black eye.

Natasha's girlfriend Wanda is a teacher at a private school and gets us in. But finds out we have dyslexia and both women work hard to help us get up to the right reading level.

Or something. I'm not really sure, but anything you come up with will be amazing I'm sure 😉

Love your work ..... Happy thanksgiving !

Warnings: mentions of bullying and some other stuff.

Age: 15

Word Count: 1,133

Requests: Open

Summary: Read the request and it will explain everything

Requested by: @m0use123

Date: 23/02/2024

paring: Natasha and Wanda

A/N: Thank you for your request I hope that you like it even though it's not great but it just be like that sometimes.

Also Happy very very late Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year and whatever other holidays have passed since you sent in your request.

---⧗---

There used to be a time, believe it or not when you loved going to school but ever since you started high school everything changed.

You somehow managed to find yourself being the main target for the bullies in your year. Maybe it was because they found out that you were an Avenger's daughter who had no special abilities or that there was something wrong with your brain that constantly made you mess up on words when you had to read aloud in class.

They convinced you that you were worthless and that you would never achieve anything in life.

---⧗---

It was the last class of the day which happened to be gym and of course, your gym teacher thought it was a brilliant idea to have a game of dodgeball.

It was a disaster from the moment the game started. The bullies seemed to only be throwing the balls at you and either the teacher didn't notice or just didn't care but he didn't interfere once that was until one of them threw the ball right at your eye and you spent the rest of the class sitting on the bench holding an ice pack to your eye.

Finally, the torture ended and you made it home without any other injuries apart from the very swollen soon-to-be black eye.

You stood outside the door with the key in your hand hoping that your mom wouldn't be there. You knew that she was going to see it eventually it's not like that you just avoid her completely for the next week or so while it healed.

Just in case she was in there you put up your hood and then unlocked the door.

You walked into the apartment and of course, your mom was sitting on the couch but she was on her laptop hopefully she's distracted enough for you to quickly get past her without her saying anything.

"How was school baby?" Natasha asked.

"Fine." You responded continuing to walk to your room.

You had done it you managed to get past her without her saying anything.

"Stop right there Y/N," Natasha said standing up and walking over to you.

Well, you got away with it for a while 10 seconds.

You still had your back towards her. She pulled down your hood then gently placed her hands on your shoulders and turned you around to face her.

Natasha let out a sharp gasp when she saw the bruised eye. She put her finger under your chin and lifted your head to get a better look

"What happened? Who did this?" she asked with a mix of anger and worry in her voice.

"It's fine mama." You said pushing her hand away. "It was just a dodgeball accident."

"Was it the same kids who have been bullying you?" Natasha asked.

You responded by nodding your head.

"Unbelievable," Natasha mumbled. "Give me their names I'm going to call the school again in the morning."

While you were giving Natasha the names of the kids. The front door opened and Natasha's girlfriend Wanda walked in. "What's going on?" She asked.

"See for yourself," Natasha said moving out of the way.

Wanda walked over to you “Oh my god… are you okay?” She asked.

You nodded your head as Wanda put her arm around you and rubbed your arm gently.

“It really was just an accident. I should have been paying more attention or something.” You said trying to downplay what happened.

"No Y/N, this isn't your fault they were purposely aiming at you," Natasha said putting a bag of something very close to your face.

You moved your head away unaware of what she was doing.

"It's just a bag of frozen peas for your eye Y/N," Natasha said

"Oh, okay." You said as Natasha gently pressed the bag onto your eye.

You didn't even notice her going into the kitchen to get them so she must have used her mom's powers to magically summon them.

"Since you're already in a bad mood, I think that it's now a good time to show you something."

"Show me what?" Natasha asked.

You put the bag of frozen peas on the unit, picked up your bag took out your most recent English test paper and handed it to your mom with the score facing down.

She looked at the paper and let out a loud sigh. "Really Y/N 12 out of 45 that's not good enough.

"Honestly I'm surprised that I even got that much right."

You looked at your mom and she looked back at you with that unamused look that she does.

"Wow, tough crowd." You mumbled.

"This is the third test in test in the past week that you have failed Y/N what am I going to do with you."

"It's not my fault that the bullying is causing me so much stress that I can't concentrate and I couldn't remember anything that I was reading." You said picking up the bag of frozen peas and holding it against your eye.

"I know honey but it's the only school that's close enough. The next public school is 2 hours away and I don't have time to drive you there and back every day." Natasha said.

"What about the private school that I work at?" Wanda chimed in. "I can ask the principal if there is a space available."

"I was thinking more of homeschooling but I guess that works too." You said removing the bag of peas away from your eye.

"Well, it better be since I'm not homeschooling you," Natasha said as she took the bag from you and walked into the kitchen.

"Don't worry Y/N there is zero tolerance for bullying so that's one less thing to worry about," Wanda told you.

"I hope so." You mumbled.

---⧗---

It took three months of waiting and suffering at the public school then a space became available for you. The school even had a policy that children of the facility got in for free but even though you weren't related to Wanda the principal made an exception just for you.

Your grades started to improve after a week of being at the new school but not as good as what everyone would have liked them to be.

You were still finding reading and spelling difficult so you were given an appointment to speak to the student support teacher and after lots of different types of tests, it suddenly became clear as to why you were struggling so much. You were diagnosed with dyslexia.

The student support teacher provided you with different types of materials to help you improve and you were given more time, a reader and a scribe during tests to give you that extra support to help you succeed.

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[bipedalembarrassment]

This entire Mays mum forcing inspections of the Turners etc plotline is so fucking stupid and annoying

A) We've been through it before, its boring twice, get a new plotline. I know period dramas love to put the Good and Perfect (TM) family through various trials of victimhood (see The Bates in Downton Abbey lol) but at least keep it interesting and don't recycle plotlines over and over (see The Bates in Downton Abbey)

B) It doesn't even make sense like sorry historically even white children were adopted out and handed around to whoever would take them with barely a check in from any governing body (quite famously the WW2 evacuations which saw children STILL displaced as late as 1948).

Brittain and other Western countries are infamous for their horrendous treatment and handling of BIPOC children, including rampant child theft through "adoption" and white supremacist assimilation programs (Eg. Canadian residential schools, Australian stolen generation) where western churches & organisations (most often the Catholic ones) had SO MUCH agency and power over these children that they could literally kill, abuse, torture and mistreat THOUSANDS of them without an eye being batted. This included also essentially being able to SELL and give them away to white families, who often exploited and abused them because assimilation with a white family was seen as a bettering of their situation for them. MANY of these issues and their legacies are still impacting BIPOC folks in these countries to this day.

My point being in this overwhelming historical context of BIPOC children being mistreated horribly by western entities I'm supposed to suspend disbelief enough so as to imagine that a single* Chinese woman who was (or is, its unspecified) a heroin user would have this much agency over an adoption/fostering arrangement of her child and that all these white child welfare workers would side with her over a white, upper middle class nuclear family of a Dr (extremely respected profession in those days, even more so than today) and his nurse/ex nun wife who both have close ties to local religious organisations.

Like sorry its just completely and utterly ahistorical . Even if the storyline weren't boring and over done it's just annoying to watch as someone whose always appreciated CTMs historical accuracy, particularly regarding bigotry and inequalities of the time.

* Its also made even worse to me by the fact that as far as I'm aware (haven't watched the show for some time and only just picked back up on S13) Mays mother is single. Which like, the show has spent thirteen seasons at this point repeatedly and accurately showing us how little agency single mothers of the time had. Including how callous and violent child "protection" and adoption systems were (& still are in many places) at the time towards them.

Like sorry you're showing me single white women having their babies forcibly taken from them by governing agencies with no recourse (& often punitive consequences) if they attempt to even contact them, let alone get them back, purely because they are unmarried , in one episode and in the next episode you're trying to convince me that these same systems and agencies give a single shred of a fuck about how Mays unmarried, heroin using, mother feels about her life with the respected white upper middle class family that adopted her.

Also I'm confused about the entire "adoption" process of May. I had thought that she couldn't be in "foster" long term and that all the original fuss with her foot and that had meant she'd finally been officially adopted by the Turners but it seems not?

Which adds just another layer of disbelief for me because the likelihood that the adoption wouldn't be completed by now is so slim and like even if it were still a fostering situation in that era you would fully expect that Mays mother would have been forced or coerced into signing a document she likely couldn't even read (if they'd even bothered with the facade of legal consent), May would have been taken by the religious order and her mother would have never seen or been allowed to hear about her again.

Idk if its a later seasons thing or if I just didn't notice it my first watch of the show but I'm definitely noticing a running theme in the show of like "bad" or "unkind" characters often being people who in reality would be extremely disenfranchised. Like obvs Mays mother is a glaring example but I've mostly noticed this regarding class, like the lower class women/men are often the antagonists.

I was rewatching an earlier season the other day too and there was literally a storyline where an upper middle class woman left the clinic before her appointment because some lower class scum woman bullied her and then she died of eclampsia later on.

Ridiculous.

Anyway sorry to the CTM fandom, thats my angry "A period drama is being ahistorical" rant for the day.

[veeluvss]

what’s going on?

jj x daughter!reader

fluff

700 words

i sighed, getting out of bed and going straight to the bathroom. i dropped by the side of the toilet but thankfully held back my sick this time. i felt awful, terrified. the only person who saw the horrors of that room was never here. when JJ adopted me, i thought i was going to get this luxury life with a mum who finally cared and put the attention in but recently, i'd felt completely forgotten about. after her maternity leave was over, will was looking after the two boys and he didn't have much time for me- thinking i could fend for myself. at 16 i pretty much could but i still needed my parents around, especially on nights like this.

the nightmares had been back for a while now, getting worse and worse. i wanted to go back to therapy but i couldn't speak to will about it. he didn't know what i went through. only jj. i got off the floor and headed downstairs quietly. i opened the back door and sat on the swing on the porch, letting the cold air calm me down and ground me.

i don't know how long i stayed out there fore but the sound of a car on the gravel drive woke me up. i didn't move though, it was probably a neighbour. JJ had only been gone for two days, she wouldn't be back yet. however, five minutes later, i heard the back door slide open.

"will is that you?" she said, looking over at the swing but i looked back at her.

"oh y/n it's you! what you doing out here so late hm?" she said gently. she looked tired, really tired.

"i couldn't sleep," i replied. she came to sit beside me and we looked out over the lake together.

"i don't think i will be able to tonight either," she sighed.

"do you want to talk about it?" i asked, being polite.

"no darling," she chuckled. "it's not for your little head to worry about." she leaned back in the swing and caressed my blonde hair.

"do you wanna talk about why you're up?" i stayed quiet for a few minutes. i suppose this was gonna be my only chance.

"the nightmares are back," i told her.

"about the farm?" she asked. i nodded.

"but, but you don't come anymore." i used to be able to train myself to stay in the dream and wait for jj and the team to come and rescue me but she hadn't been. the torture just excelled, i wasn't rescued or saved.

"how long has it been like that love?"

"since you went back to work." i sighed. i hate having to rely on her.

"why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"i didn't have a chance too," i shrugged, being honest. she nodded, understanding.

"have you spoken to will?" i shook my head. "he doesn't know you can't sleep most nights? why haven't you gotten in with him?"

"you're not there," i said simply. "jj, you rescued me. you got me out of that farm and you took me home. not will. i, i need you," i felt small and vulnerable. she sighed and moved over on the swing, pulling me into her arms.

"i'm here now love, i'm sorry." she held me and began to swing the swing. we swayed and i settled in her arms. it was like magic.

"can you sleep with me tonight?"

"i can baby, shall we go in?" she asked. i nodded and sat up, beginning to feel the cold.

half an hour later and you and jj were curled up in your bed. you had a big bed but it was nice to have her close. your saviour.

"do you want me to call your therapist in the morning?" she asked you, playing with your hair as you laid on her chest.

"yes please." she smiled and held you tightly. then, as she did with henry, she began to tell you a story.

"once upon a time, there was a castle, hidden way in a forest..."

you fell asleep to the sound of her voice, feeling her chest move up and down as she breathed and the heart beating too. you'd needed this.

[demonicbaby666]

Staying The Week

Part 2 to Staying Quiet | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: JJ x fem!Reader

Genre: Feelings with a smidge of angst and a sprinkle of smut

Words: 3.2k+

Warnings: Fingering (r receiving), denying feelings, cheating (on Will though so it's yummy sexy), swearing and a dreaded cliffhanger…

Summary: Months have passed since you and JJ first started your passionate affair and the two of you had found yourselves navigating quite well through all and any sticky situations thrown your way. But when you take her up on the offer of enjoying her ‘company’ for a whole week, things take a turn in a direction you aren’t quite happy about. 

A/n: Look, I am well aware the vibes are vastly different to part 1 but my brain seems incapable of not incorporating feelings into anything. Also I had to cut out like two whole sections because otherwise this part would be like 8k and I didn’t have the effort for that, so the pace may seem a little fast but it’s done that way so if/when I do part 3 it’ll come to a swift close. If you’re here for smut and no feelings, I’m so sorry, this ain’t that… Anywayssss, hope you enjoy! <3

Ashamed. That’s how you should have felt when things started with JJ, what with her fucking you in the hallway with her husband upstairs and her kid - the kid you look after - sound asleep. That should have been reason enough to end things. But you didn’t. The clear and inappropriate power dynamic between the two of you, being that in technical terms she was your employer, seemed to be having an effect on you that wasn’t devoid of desire, in fact, it was dripping with the stuff. 

It was exciting, invigorating, and addictive.

You both had taken pretty well to the routine of sneaking around, sharing stolen kisses and orgasms whenever it seemed possible, and occasionally when it most certainly did not. As a result, and much to your dismay, lying had become easy, now having to use it as a crutch more than a handful of times. 

There was the time the couple had invited you to stay for dinner. Will had asked whether you were okay, you seemed off. It was to be expected, his wife’s fingers were torturing your clit under the table after all. He, thankfully, didn’t know that though. Throughout the shared meal, you told the fickle tale of a day filled with stressors and agro, rapid breaths and whimpers disguised as responses to the encounters that riled you up. JJ tactically covered up her under-table delegations through false acts of comfort. 

Later that evening, when JJ dropped you home, you divulged that not all of it was a lie. That your day, truthfully, hadn’t been ideal and she humbly took it upon herself to help you forget the days' hardships, fucking you senseless till your mind was rendered useless and only focussed on relearning how to breathe. 

Then there was the time you’d stayed the night in the spare room, JJ had insisted, ‘It’s 2 am, way too late to travel back’. She could have driven you home, she should have driven you home, but there was no fun in that. The impromptu stay indeed led to an abundance of fun. Explaining to Henry why you could barely stand without your legs shaking the next morning, however, was less fun. ‘Your mum fucked the hell out of me kid.’ you decided, was not an appropriate answer. So, yet again, you found yourself having to conjure a fictitious reinvention of the truth. 

No matter how many times you were put in precarious situations - which was often - you didn’t, wouldn’t, stop. Tasting the forbidden fruit time after time, for a young demure soul, was discovering a new world. A world of lust, sin, and shame. Comfortably, you had nested there, enjoying the fervency and rush of endless passionate encounters. 

In the familiar setting of your apartment, you lay beneath JJ, talented fingers pumping in and out of you. Here, you didn’t need to stay quiet. Moans and cries of pleasure had free roam, and as JJ continued to accelerate her pace and your moans grew louder, you thanked the concrete walls for concealing your dirty secret. 

“Don’t stop,” you pleaded, grinding your hips to meet the steady rhythm set. 

JJ lowered her head, lips meeting and sucking your pulse point, leaving behind a red blotch you’d have to deal with later. Your hands flew from the bedsheets, one lacing and gripping blonde tresses, the other to cold metal railings above your head. Her palm came to rest on your clit, applying just enough pressure to intensify the waves of pleasure washing over you, but not enough to tip you over the edge. The tension in your abdomen began to grow, tightening in pulses that matched your unsteady breathing. 

“Stay with me this week,” JJ whispered into your neck, slowing down the pace of her fingers, but never stopping.

“What?” you shakily moaned out. 

“Will has to go away for work,” her fingers picked up their previous pace, covertly coaxing you into agreeing, “Stay with me for the week.”

A week. A whole week of recreating scenes that you’d only had the pleasure of enjoying on a weekly basis. It was risky and needed to be thought out. Nevertheless, it appeared to take hold of your mind. As JJ slipped a third finger inside you, driving in and out of you with more vigour, and more purpose, you decided. The offer was too enticing, dressed in the promise and taste of what the nights, and days, could look like. 

“Say yes,” she brought her lips over yours, brushing them together as she curled her fingers deep inside you. A moan tumbled from your mouth into hers, prompting the tips of her fingers to continue caressing your G-spot. 

Fisting harder to JJ’s hair, you let yourself topple headfirst into your release. Eyes closing, legs shaking, head falling back into the mattress, your back arched, pressing your sweat-clad body harder against the toned stomach above. 

“Okay,” you lowered yourself back down and steadied your breathing. When your eyes fluttered open you saw there was a faint glimmer in JJ’s eyes, the corner of her lips twitched, a smile wanting so desperately to take shape. Vigilant, she held back, knowing you weren’t finished, “On one condition.” 

A finger trailed down your cheek, etching an invisible line of warmth, until it reached your mouth where her thumb took over, brushing the length of the soft swollen skin. You let out a breathy sigh of contentment before JJ dragged her thumb down to part your lips. 

“Name it,” she uttered, releasing the captured lip and allowing it to meet once more with its counterpart. 

“I sleep in the spare room.” she cocked an eyebrow, curious and urging you to continue, “What we’re doing, there’s not exactly ample room for feelings.” 

Her face went slack, hastily returning to its former state when she realised you had a point. It was an affair after all. Not one that was born from feelings of undying love, but from lust and passion. A newfound sureness lurked in her eyes and a business-like smile danced on her lips, “Deal.” 

The next few days flew by, bringing with them a relaxed air. At first, Henry was apprehensive, but as time went on, he too, found comfort in the new setup. JJ would go to work, leaving you to take him to kindergarten, spend the day as you please, and pick him back up. By the time you got back and were done helping him with homework, JJ would walk in through the front door. Dinners together consisted of non-stop chatter between the three of you, sharing details of your day. Laughter the perfect side to whatever dish you or JJ had whipped up. 

When the curtains were drawn and the sun had taken its leave, things veered in a familiar direction. Clothes were shed, and littered around JJ’s room, your bodies meeting and merging together night after night. Having been previously agreed, at whatever late hour of the night things had come to a close, you padded across the landing to the spare room and took your well-deserved rest under different sheets to the ones you’d previously been writhing over. 

By Friday, the fifth day of your stay, the house buzzed with solace and serenity. Henry was allowed to stay up a little later than usual as he didn’t have school the next day. So at his behest, you found yourself sitting on the couch with JJ next to you, watching his choice of movie - Toy Story. He was enjoying the comfort of your lap, laying his back against your chest, eyes glued to the exciting scenes unfolding on the TV. 

If anyone was to peer in on the scene they’d assume they were looking in on a family evening. It wasn’t though. You knew that. You weren’t stupid enough to think the dynamic you shared with JJ would ever amount to anything resembling a family unit. But, as her hand snaked around your waist - pulling you in, not trying to initiate anything, instead to break an unspoken rule, to start the beginning of an innocent embrace, that you hated yourself for giving in to - you struggled to push back fantasies of a life that day-in-day out would look exactly like this. Friday evenings spent in the arms of a beautiful woman, meals shared over easy, fluid chatter, and nights filled with passion. 

A soft pair of lips placed a feather-light kiss on your temple, the last fragment to the puzzle, painted on it the picture of domestic bliss shrouded in melancholy. It was a picket fence dream that would never be yours. It wasn’t a revelation. Still, no matter how much you could’ve prepared yourself for the inevitability of feelings being thrown into the mix, the accompanying heartache stung like a bitch. 

Tuning back to reality, you realised the movie had come to an end. Henry was fast asleep in your arms, head drooping to the side as little snores filled the silence in the room. The added weight on your shoulder indicated you were the only one that sleep had yet to claim. Like mother, like son.

With the feel of JJ’s body leaning on you, hand still clasped around your waist, it was fairly easy to get lost in the moment, welcome it with open arms, treasure it, nurture it, knowing it wouldn’t last for much longer and soon you’d be forced to face the harsh reality of your situation. And that’s what you did. Allowed yourself a few minutes to take in the solemn conversation between two sets of calm breathing, the warmth radiating from both as chests rose and fell almost in sync. 

“Hey,” JJ sleepily sat up, looking down at Henry, “I guess neither of us got to see the end of the movie.” she chuckled. 

You offered her a pathetic excuse of a smile, hoping she’d miss the sorrow in your eyes, “I’ll take him up.” 

“I’ll see you up there?” 

“I’m a little tired,” the moment the words left your lips you watched JJ’s face drop. In the dim light of running credits she looked so sad, her eyes droopy from still waking up, cheek imprinted with sleep lines from your shirt. “It’s been a long day, you should get some rest too,” you added, hoping to remedy some of the disappointment the decision had left on her sullen face. 

Turning Henry around in your lap, he sluggishly wrapped his arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder, thankfully, still sound asleep. Under different circumstances, it would have been a treasured memory, the simplicity and beauty in trust demonstrated by letting another carry you up to sleep. It was true, over the passing days the bond you’d developed with Henry had grown stronger, and you found more and more he’d let his guard down around you. The only downside was the immense amount of guilt you harboured intensified anytime his innocent eyes bore into you. 

“Is everything okay?” the concern had made JJ more alert, after all, she was not privy to the inner workings of a naive mind, she had not been brought into the fold and given the explanation as to why exactly the evening, that anyone would have thoroughly enjoyed, had driven you to resentment. It didn’t bode well with her. 

“I’m fine,” you snapped. Standing up stopped JJ from being able to see the pained expression on your face, and as the stale words echoed through the room you were grateful for the fact your slight grimace was concealed.

You hadn’t meant to, truly, but walking out of the room, you took with you the once light, carefree air, leaving behind only a heavy, worrisome atmosphere. It trailed behind you as you made your way through the corridor, up the stairs and finally to spread and fill the first floor of the house. 

Opting not to wake Henry up and skip his nighttime routine, you set him down in bed and dashed to the spare room, all too afraid of being thrown into another uncomfortable encounter. 

The room remained one of the few places in the house unscathed. The bed had not felt the passionate affairs of two women, the walls had yet to hear the sweet melodic symphony of moans, rapid breaths, and praises, and the ceiling did not know what it was to look down on two lovers holding each other when they’d subjugated to the primal need for remaining close, but were too fatigued to continue pleasuring one another. 

After quiet minutes spent pondering in the dark, floorboards from the upstairs landing broke through the silence. The beating in your chest quickened as feet padded closer to the door. Your body tensed, waiting for the knock to come, racking your mind and trying to locate the hidden folder labelled ‘one-hundred ways to say I’m tired’. The silence remained untouched. No knock came. Instead, barely detectable over the thudding pulse of your heart, a soft sigh. 

Footsteps subsided, leaving you in the company of flickering street lights, revving of cars in the far-off distance, and the faint pattering of droplets falling against the glass window of the spare room. The bed sheets became enemy number one, clinging to your body in the worst of ways, if only to remind you they were not made from the same mould as JJ’s soft touch. 

It was compromise after compromise, a few more moments, one more day. All it meant was prolonging the pain, creating more memories you’d look back on and mourn over. When had things changed so quickly? 

It could have been the evening she’d smiled so sweetly at you when you’d both tucked Henry into bed, placing soft kisses on his head. The laugh she let out as she picked you up and carried you to her room, you could still hear. 

Or it may have been the early morning you’d walked in on her in the kitchen before work. She was staring out the window, holding her coffee mug between both hands, hair tied up in a bun with strays falling over her face, framing the soft features that worked in unison to construct a vision of natural perfection and beauty. Her eyes were glued outside, admiring the view only so her thoughts could wander undisturbed. When her head turned to meet your gaze, the smile that fell over her lips contrarily led you to believe she didn’t mind this disturbance at all because, well, it was you. The short distance between the countertop she was leaning against and the doorway you’d entered through was quickly closed, and she demonstrated exactly how much she appreciated the break from her thoughts you had so kindly provided. Coffee lay forgotten on the table, left for the cold to claim.

Maybe it was the afternoon she’d come back from work, looked at you with exhaustion and sadness weighing heavy in her eyes, and without even needing to be asked you walked over to her, wrapped your arms around her, and attempted to provide aid in the fight against whatever demons had haunted her from the day’s hardships. That day you vowed you’d do anything to ensure JJ always knew she had a place in the safety of your comforting embraces. 

How deep you had fallen. Feelings had crept up, only revealing themselves when it was already too late to banish them. Traitorous tears stung the back of your eyes, the floodgates opened a vast array of unrelenting emotions. Sadness, shame, confusion, anger. This was your fault. You’d let it get to this point, too greedy to stop for a moment, assess the changes unfolding, and put an end to the beginnings of what was now heartbreak. 

The walls closed in on you. You wanted out. Now. 

Pushing yourself out of bed, you located your bag and began packing your clothes. Whether you were going to leave tonight or in the morning didn’t matter, your brain just needed to cling to the hope you were in fact leaving. 

The tears in your eyes obscured your vision and when you reached out for the belt on the top shelf of the wardrobe it unravelled, falling to the floor, metal clanking against hardwood. 

Shit.

Hearing no response from either Henry or JJ you let out a deep breath, staring down blankly at the fallen accessory, watching as salted droplets fell and stained the leather. The calm lasted for all of ten seconds before JJ’s door opened and your body went stiff. 

“Are you o-” her eyebrows knit together as she opened the door, eyes darting from you to the opened bag on the bed. She walked further into the room, shutting the door behind her, eyes still glued to the object raising questions in her mind, “What are you doing?”

“I can’t stay here, JJ,” the words came out small and meek in the presence of a curious gaze. 

A flicker of fear washed over JJ’s face, assuming the worst, “Has something happened?” she hurriedly asked. 

It was now or never. Though ‘never’ sounded tempting, it meant you’d have to continue lying. Not the kind of lying you’d grown accustomed to, but instead, the kind of lying people use at night to find comfort in self-made deception. ‘What I did wasn’t that bad, the dude deserved a swift punch to the face’ or ‘They don’t dislike me, insulting me was just a critique on my face that I’m very much incapable of changing’ and in your case ‘Things are perfectly okay as they are, this will pass. Continuing to have sex with the woman I’m helplessly falling for will most definitely rid me of these incessant warm feelings I get whenever she so much as brushes her hand against mine.’

Lying to others was one thing but to yourself. That was something else entirely. Was this to be your new normal? It couldn't be. You wouldn’t let it. 

“We can’t continue with this anymore. I’m starting to,” the words were on the tip of your tongue, the finality of the confession grasping to walls on your throat, wanting to remain unspoken. But it was time, you trusted yourself to deliver the truth, the outcome no longer important,  “I’m starting to develop feelings.” 

Milky white scleras grew larger as JJ’s mouth fell open, “I-I don’t know what to say.” 

Had you expected a declaration of love? You weren’t sure. Whatever you consciously or subconsciously wanted to hear hung heavy on your shoulders as you turned back around to zip up the packed duffle bag, “You don’t have to say anything, but I think I should go.” 

Tears hanging in the balance, you made your way to the door, reaching for the handle before JJ’s hand gripped your wrist, stopping you in your tracks, “Wait.” 

Faces met, eyes gazed into one another and tears fell. A vortex of mixed feelings swarmed both your bodies, pushing you closer and closer together, seeking out the familiar in a sea of the unknown. Piercing blue eyes dropped to your lips, lips that had explored and acquainted themselves with every inch of her body, lips she wasn’t ready to part with and them her.  

“Please,” you pleaded, wanting nothing more than to rid yourself of the heartache that accompanied each falling tear, “I-I can’t.” 

“I don’t want you to go.” She whispered, hot breath reaching your lips.  

“I have to,” you swallowed the lump in your throat, biting back a fresh set of tears, “This is too painful.” 

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Tags: @criminallyobsessedcm @aws-l @babygirlscout @red1culous @7thavenger @sapphicprentiss @five-bi-five-mind | Click here to be added to my tag list

[chrissbluehat]

Nervous

part 1

Pairing : y/n and Chris Sturniolo 

Summary: you lived a pretty standard life, you kept to yourself mostly, and never felt you drew the eyes of anyone. Though this always felt conflicting when comparing yourself to friends. This was until a boy came into your life and flipped it completely around.

Sorry I kept forgetting to post this, hope you enjoy

Warnings : none

I have the window down, the evening breeze running through my hair. Jenna is driving me back to my house. As we travel all I can think about is the interaction I had with Chris earlier. The whole thing felt like a fever dream, it all felt a little too pleasant as if I was thrown straight into a book with no warning and the chapter was re-enacted around me. I didn’t understand why he would have gone out of his way to talk to a girl he didn’t know before then, maybe his drink got to him and he was simply bored. The thought of him felt suffocating, my thoughts were then broken by Jenna catching my attention. “Are you good? The way you’re staring is starting to creep me out a bit”, I can hear her laugh a bit, and I give her a half smile.

“Yeah I'm okay”, Jenna nodded at my response and looked back at the road. I contemplated telling her about my conversation with Chris but I didn’t want to make it into a bigger thing than it was, I mean it was just one conversation. I wasn’t hiding it, it simply just was not that big of a deal, I thought to reassure myself. 

She drops me home and I head straight up to my room, quietly, since it was late and I knew everyone would have been asleep. I slump onto my bed, thoughts all still on one person. Is this what it feels like to like someone? This feels like a form of torture, I needed a break but I couldn’t get one. My mind was not free of that brunette and I honestly wasn't sure it would ever be. I change quickly and get into bed, thoughts still captured.

The rest of the weekend wasn’t much different. I saw him in everything I did, it was starting to become exhausting. The worst part was that he probably hadn’t given a second thought since departing from that bench and that hurt more. I mean there was no real reason for him to remember that, it probably wasn’t even significant to him remotely. My days ended the same, with him plastered around my mind similar to the way girls had posters of their celebrity crushes around their room, when thinking about it that way it became slightly comforting.

On Monday, I got up slightly earlier. Usually I stayed in bed until my mum came in and yelled that i’m going to be late. I started getting ready straight away. Shower and then skin care that I kind of just had for the aesthetic. I then put on more make-up than I usually would, it wasn’t heaps, just mascara and a tinted lip gloss rather than my usual bare face that I was too lazy to cover up. I found an outfit that was reasonable, a simple brandy graphic tee and jeans and I went down for breakfast, my mom gave me a weird look. She usually would if I changed anything about my appearance, but I ignored her and had my breakfast and started walking to school. 

Once in homeroom, I took my seat. Fortunately they were assigned which removed the anxiety of having to make sure no one has taken your unassigned seat each day. A couple minutes later my friend Maisie came in, she sat just in front of me so I had someone to talk to through that period. As we were talking a bunch of guys arrived late making an unnecessary amount of noise, I looked up to see who it was and then I spotted him, the guy that had consumed my thoughts all weekend. How I even let him slip my mind was beyond me. I looked over at him, but he didn’t even glance in my direction, I could tell that his eyes didn’t even search for mine. He headed over to his seat before the teacher came up to him and one of his other friends and made them hand out something with each of our names on it as some kind of punishment for arriving late rather than just giving them the usual detention, I guess she was tired of signing for them. They made their way around the classroom and Chris then walked towards me.

“Are you Y/N?” I nodded my head and took the paper, in the moment I felt crushed. He didn’t even remember my name. I wanted to crawl into a ball and hide from everyone but I knew I couldn't do that, so I acted as natural as I could and pretended that that comment didn’t bother me in any way. I thought about that moment for the rest of the day, it distracted me all day and I paid no attention to anything else. I practically ran home so that I could finally wrap myself in my bed and sob over a boy that I barely knew. My feelings about him confused me. I was confused as to why I was so sure I would be significant for him to remember, I'd built up a big moment for no reason and I felt utterly pathetic for it. 

He continued consuming my thoughts but not in the way I had previously enjoyed when he appeared in my mind. The cold memory was on replay as if on a bad vhs tape, I couldn’t escape it. Every time I saw him all I could hear was his voice asking for my name. I tried to replace it with the memory from the party but that file was damaged and wouldn’t fill in the void the way it once did.

After the first week I had nearly given up hope, that was until I caught him glancing at me. I caught his eyes and he quickly turned back around. I put my head down smiling to myself. After that we communicated in looks and quick glances from across the room and in between classes in the hall. It started off once or twice a day and began to grow more frequently. We were both conscious to do it when our friends weren’t looking and their attention wasn’t on us. When I thought of him I now saw flashes of his pretty blue eyes and the way his hair gently draped over them, this slowly started to eat away at the negative memory and replaced it, the thought of him no longer hurt. 

After the first glance I'd become a little bit invested in him, to the point where I found myself searching for him anywhere. This search started off at the sports games that I was forced to go to, though the thrill of him maybe being that washed out the annoyance. Though after a couple games I discovered that he’d never go, which I thought was off considering his friends were all there. There was one time that I thought he’d come for once only to realise that it was someone that looked exactly like him, I then discovered there was another. I’m honestly shocked that I never realised that there were triplets here, luckily they each have pretty different hair so I now know how to tell when it’s Chris and when it’s not conveniently. I searched for him online. In the weeks that we started noticing each other, I became tempted to just message him, I had found him online after stalking through his friends' accounts. 

It wasn't too difficult to find, he used to post a lot but I'd noticed he hadn’t updated it in a couple months, I also noticed that he posted with his brothers a lot, it was easier to tell them apart when they were next to each other, which was helpful. After looking for a way to message him I ended up coming to the conclusion that it was better to not interact with him there, just so I didn’t come off as overbearing too early on. I’d wait for him to give me a signal first. I then searched for him in conversations. In homeroom one day I overheard his name being mentioned by Maisie and some girl that I wasn't really familiar with. I knew she was linked to Chris's friends though. I heard her refer to him as weird and kind of peculiar. 

“Yeah since he quit lacrosse he’s been a bit off, like he was a bit much before but now I forget he’s even there”,

“Literally, and when you do realise he’s just acting all moody and miserable, like why drag yourself somewhere if you’re going to ruin it for everyone else”, Maisie scoffed. I furrowed my eyebrows at her words. I wasn’t sure why I felt so offended for him. I mean I didn’t know him, we were barely even friends. My eyes slowly wandered over to him, and I realised he already had his eyes on me, making me smile a bit. I often wondered how long these glances would last before he either lost interest or spoke to me again, little did I know one of those options would happen a little faster than I thought.

[freeuselandonorris]

15 questions 15 friends

i was tagged by i thinkkk @bright-and-burning and @481boxboxbaby absolutely ages ago, sorry it's taken me so long to get to this!

Are you named after anyone? no! my mum liked the name sophie because it means ‘wisdom’ in greek and she’d lived in greece for a while.

When was the last you cried? i had a little sob watching the ‘life and death of lily savage’ documentary on itv the other week because i am still so, so sad about paul o’grady dying, i adored him. as a kid, my favourite comedians (who i saw on tv) were julian clary and lily savage. half their jokes flew over my head but that dog was always in me!! anyway, as for real sobbing crying… i’m actually not sure? it was a while ago for sure. may it stay that way 🙏

Do you have kids? nope, and i won’t be having them. people used to tell me i’d change my mind once i got older and now i’m 35 and still have not experienced a single maternal twinge.

What sports do you play/have you played? i don’t play any kind of competitive sports and have avoided them for most of my life (i have extremely poor hand-eye coordination, hypermobile limbs and rubbish lungs. i’m not built for speed) but i do pole fitness and have done for about three years now, i’m not great at it (see above) but i loooove it and it’s gotten me way more hench than i was.

Do you use sarcasm? i used to use it constantly as a defence thing but less so these days. i do still use it though yeah.

What is the first thing you notice about people? sometimes i have this thing where the first second i meet someone i have this weird shine effect where i know they’re going to be a very important part of my life (good or bad). it’s only happened about three or four times but it’s always been right. on a more prosaic level: eyes, smile, body language.

What is your eye color? blue. it’s quite bright.

Scary movies or happy endings? scary movies!! love a good horror. i don’t like jumpscares or found footage/haunted doll whatever ones, but i love the nasty shit: video nasties, torture porn, french extreme, pinky horror, faux snuff, that kinda thing. i don’t want them so much these days but i was pretty obsessed for a while.

Any talents? i’m good at writing and drawing/painting, and i’m quite practical in the sense that i can fix things and build things, like i LOVE building flatpack furniture. i think my main ‘talent’ though is just that i can pick things up quickly. if i’m shown how to do something, generally i can do it pretty well quite quickly and i don’t need to be shown lots of times, and i’m good at being given a starting point and figuring things out from there. i think that’s the ‘talent’ i use most in life, certainly in work anyway.

Where were you born? north-west england.

What are your hobbies? writing! painting, drawing, reading, gaming, pole, strength training. i also have the classic ADHD thing of picking a new thing to be obsessed with for a month and spending a fortune on it three times a year.

Do you have any pets? no :( my mum has a lovely big useless fat cat called bandit though who i have shared custody of, she just can’t live at my flat.

How tall are you? 5’8’’ or 172cm

Favorite subject at school? art and english. i also quite liked what we called ‘tech’ which was like woodwork, metalwork, product design type stuff.

Dream job? i do not dream of labour. fr though i don’t really have one and never have, apart from maybe writer or artist but realistically i think i’d end up hating them if i had to rely on them to pay my bills. i thought about trying to get into motorsport jobs for a while but the hours look long, the pay is terrible, the atmosphere for femme people is…mixed, and i’d have to move halfway across the country. so yeah idk. universal basic income now!

not tagging anyone bc i'm so late to the party on this lol, but if you haven't been tagged and want to be, lmk and i'll tag you!

[noodyl-blasstal]

Blupjeans Week: Myth (day 3)

Following on from the last two days prompts! Part 1 | Part 2 Today's @blupjeansweek prompt was Myth. -

Barry couldn't fathom how Taako managed it. Of course he, more than anyone Barry had ever met, could feign nonchalance on such an important day, but still. Barry knew he must be anxious deep down - no one cooked as much as Taako had been lately when they were fine, but aside from his occasional toe flexes Taako was sprawled loose limbed and casual across the chairs in the corridor.

"Stop worrying so loud, Barold." Taako didn't raise his head. Barry couldn't even get a read on his face because his ridiculous hat was tilted down over his eyes. 

"I'm not worr…"

"Then what am I hearing, Barry? What distress is accosting my delicate elf ears? Taako's busy trying to nap and you're spreading your anxiety everywhere. It's not hygienic, my guy."

"Uh." Barry countered. Perfect, got him.

"Yeah, that's what Taako thought. Now, why are you doubting Lup?"

"I would never doubt Lup! She's smarter than both of them put together." Barry replied indignantly, he couldn't believe Taako, of all people, was accusing him of not believing in Lup. As far as Barry was concerned, if she told him she was gonna grab the moon right out of the sky his only concern would be where they were going to put it. 

"Well then." Said Taako definitively as if the case was closed.

Barry looked at the door again. It had only been an hour. Anything up to four was relatively common. He knew she had this, but he just wanted to skip to that bit right now thank you very much. Maybe if he paced, did a little exercise, that would get rid of the nervous energy.

"Don't even think about it." Said Taako. "Sit down, read your book, it's going to be fine."

Barry sat obediently. He tried, he really did, but he was on what must have been his thirtieth attempt at reading the same page when the door finally cracked open. Barry barely had time to register it before Taako vaulted off the chairs and rushed over. 

"Thank you again, Dr Tacco. Congratulations!" 

Lup emerged from the room, finger gunned, and closed the door behind her. "Guess who's got two thumbs and a PhD?" She said as Taako slammed into her and knocked her sideways.

"Barold." He mumbled into her hair.

Lup pretended to try and wriggle out of his hug. "Fuck off, Goofus."

Barry wrapped himself around them both. "I'm also going with me. I checked, one, two." He prodded Lup in the back with each thumb in turn to make his point. 

Lup laughed hard and long and wild. "I hate you both."

"We love you too." Said Barry and Taako together. 

Lup stuck her tongue out. “Terrible, awful, what did I do to be cursed with you both?”

“I don’t know, Dr Lup. What did you do?” Barry grinned. Dr Lup! She’d done it. He knew she would. There was no universe in which she didn’t, but still. It was over.

“Dr Lup Tacco.” Taako said quietly. “You did it.”

“I did it.”

–

“You got the car snacks, Dr Bluejeans?” 

“Of course I have, Dr Tacco. But, Dr Tacco, have you set up the playlist?”

“Dr Bluejeans, I cannot believe you’d doubt me, your good friend, Dr Tacco. Of course cha’girl’s got the playlist sorted.”

“But, Dr Tacco, is it the one we  agreed on, or the one I saw you making to torture me?”

“I cannot believe these wild accusations that you are levelling, Dr Bluejeans. Of course it’s the one I made to torture you. Rude of you to entertain any other thought on the matter to be honest.”

Barry snorted. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Lup had agreed to road trip home with him despite not losing the bet, but maybe the allure of a second wardrobe full of vintage Barry threads (as Lup had designated them) had been too strong to resist. Either way, the car was packed, backup maps were in the glove box, roadside attractions had been scoped, their motel was booked, and his Mum was expecting them in a few days.

–

“There! There! There!!! Pull over, Dr Bear.” Lup pressed her face to the window and wriggled in her seat. “I knew we were close.”

Barry steered the car to the side of the road and parked on the gravel at the side. “We’ll be fine here. The road’s pretty dead and we shouldn’t be long.”

“Speak for yourself.” Said Lup, already unbuckled and clambering free. 

By the time Barry had hauled himself out of the driver’s side and stretched out his rice crispy spine Lup was already halfway up the scrubby embankment. Barry smiled fondly, he wished he had half the energy reserve the twins seemed to possess. 

“C’mon Bear! Look.”

The grass was sharp and the scree slippery, but Barry eventually made it, red and panting, to the rock.

“I love him.” Declared Lup, petting the top of the large, terribly painted frog she lounged across. “Take a picture for me please? Taako’s going to hate it. I’ll frame it for his birthday.”

 Barry huffed out and laugh and snapped some photographs. Lup looked perfect in every single one, because of course she did.

“Now c’mere, we need to get some for the wall.” Lup spun herself round and made grabby hands at Barry. The photo collection had started during undergrad. Lup had read something about tangible photos being lost because of technology and decided to be a one woman task force to combat it. She religiously took photos, got them printed monthly, and strung them up around the house using a seemingly endless supply of tiny colourful pegs. The strings were a timeline of friendships, charting the day that Magnus appeared in their lives and decided they were going to be friends actually; Lucretia’s increasing appearance at events; Kravitz moving from glowering at the twins in the background of a shot in a lecture hall, to standing awkwardly at the edge of a group shot, to kissing Taako’s cheek and making him blush right to the tips of his ears. They charted bad haircuts (Lup), terrible fashion choices (Barry repeatedly begged Lup to take down the evidence of his pork pie hat era, but she resolutely refused), and covered the mundane to the sublime - book days, beach days, lecture halls, labs, picnics, hikes. All of it.

Barry walked over to her then waited for direction, Lup’s creative vision wasn’t something to be trifled with. 

“Okay, can you hop up here with me? I’m just gonna go prop the camera.” Lup scooted off the edge as Barry found a solid foothold to push himself up with.

“Aye aye, Dr Captain… Captain Dr?” Barry saluted from the top of the frog and Lup laughed, mission accomplished. He still loved that he could inspire that reaction, after all this time she still loved his stupid jokes.

“Right, it’s on a 10 second timer… GO!” Lup sprinted and hopped deftly up the frog. Barry realised at the same time as she did that there was no way there was room for both of them to sit on top. Lup glanced at his lap and grinned, “...incoming, Barold!” She threw herself onto his knee and somehow produced a smile and a peace sign. There was no way Barry had been looking at the camera, he was definitely staring at Lup with the ‘lovesick’ face he’d bribed Taako into deleting or editing from photos so many times before. 

“Uh… can we do that again? I think I blinked.” Maybe he could delete the last attempt before she saw it once they were back in the car. He’d managed it before, there was only so many times you could be photographed staring longingly at someone before they worked out you were probably a bit in love with them.

“Sure you aren’t just trying to keep me in your lap? You could just ask, you know?” Barry was going to expire, right here right now. She could stay in his lap forever as far as he was concerned, but she was joking and he would be serious about it if he asked her to stay put and she’d laugh, his heart would break, and she’d feel weird about the last 10 years of their lives.

“I… well… er… I… just… the blinking.” Perfectly eloquent. He nailed it. There was no way she’d pick up on the fact he was combusting.

“No problemo. Save my spot!” Lup started to wriggle free, but Barry scooped her instead, cradling her briefly before setting her down on the very edge. “Thanks Bear! You’ve been working out.”

Barry had very much not been working out, unless you counted frantic note taking - which they definitely hadn’t in high school, he’d checked.

“3-2-1, comin’ in hot!” Lup clicked the button and set off running back to the rock. Barry watched her go, laughing at the smile on her face. He should probably just have volunteered to use mage hand for this, but Lup was having too much fun. She ran up the side of the rock, and Barry caught her, tugging her down into his lap. 

“8-9…” Lup raised her arms and Barry heard the familiar whoosh of flame. Gods, she was ridiculous and he loved every inch of her. He focused resolutely on the camera. “Think you managed without blinking that time?” Lup asked.

“Yeah, yeah, that was a good one.”

“Okay, stay put, I want one more of you with the frog please… Oh, do you still remember some of those bard spells Johann showed you?”

Barry nodded tentatively. “I do.”

“Cool, a cowboy hat please.” It was done before she’d slid back to the ground, and the raucous laugh she let out meant he’d definitely made a good choice. “The pink fuzzy trim really adds a mystique to the look, Barold. Have you been studying at the Taako school of headgear?”

Barry yee hawed instead of answering and Lup snapped away as he wielded his imaginary lasso.

Back in the car he felt a bubbling sense of pride as she set one of him high in his imaginary frog saddle as her screensaver and laughed again.

–

“It should be the next left, Bear. I hope you’re excited.” Lup uncurled herself from the scrunched up position she’d adopted for reading.

“”I’ve got a surprise and you’re gonna love it” can usually go either way with you and Taako, so I’ll reserve judgement for now.” Barry pretended to frown, but he knew Lup saw through it. He’d trust her with anything, she was the person his Mum’s ‘if your friends all jumped off a cliff’ lecture should have focused on. He wouldn’t have done it for Juan or Glennis, but Lup? He’d be straight over the side knowing she’d have figured out some way for them to fly. “Hang on… Lup, is that Mothman?”

“Maaaaybe. Turn in here.” 

“... and that’s bigfoot?”

“Yep.” Lup popped the p and looked incredibly smug.

“Why’s the rabbit… oh, it has horns. Jackalope?” 

“Jackalope.” Lup confirms.

“Lup, is this a cryptid hotel?” Okay, so the kitschy vibe was fun, but this was definitely more for Lup than for him. She didn’t usually miss with her surprises, but there was a first time for everything.

“It is, yes, but they also have a collection of academic papers you can view on the topic. There’s loads of really great evidence, according to the website.” Lup side eyed him.

“There’s research I can get angry at?” Okay, now she was talking.

“Bear, I hear those methodologies are real unscrupulous. There’s likely some inconsistencies in the referencing too, if you know what I mean.” Lup waggled her eyebrows. 

“I love you.” Blurted Barry, then tried not to think about that too hard as he parked the car. That was fine. You could tell your friends you loved them, he’d told Lup he loved her before. He told all of them he loved them because he did. She didn’t need to know that he meant it in a different way when he said it to her.

“I love you too.” Lup nudged his arm. “Now let’s go see which theme the rooms are. I’m hoping for the Hodag, but I think you’d prefer Champ.”

“Oh, I see how it is, pawn me off with budget Nessy. I’m Jackalope or broke. You go ahead, I’ll grab the bags.” Barry cracked the back door and started the slow task of sorting through the detritus of the day. He wasn’t entirely sure where Lup had managed to accrue four souvenir bags, but he didn’t want to risk damaging anything. He piled them carefully to the side, then tracked down the overnight bags, and double checked to make sure he’d locked the car properly. Shouldering the rucksacks he headed into the reception, glad that Lup was sorting the rooms. Frankly, he didn’t want to have to speak to anyone other than her before he’d thrown himself into a long shower and felt a bit more human. 

“Hey Bear.” Lup gave him a small wave from the electric blue sofa near the door. “There’s, well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. Which do you want first?”

Barry hesitated. You were definitely supposed to get the bad news first, but the day had been so nice that maybe he could just put off whatever was going to ruin it a little longer. “Give me the good?”

“Buy one get one free on frozen margs. The glasses are massive and they have wild flavours. I need to try at least three, you know, for science. One of them is goldfish and I don’t know if they mean the creature or the cracker.” 

“Or both?”

“It could be both.”

“… and the bad news?”

“There may have been a tiny bit of a mix up. Just, like, the smallest amount. A little communication thing. You’ll barely notice it.” She smiled winningly, just like the time she broke his favourite mug, tried to fix it, somehow melted the shards, recruited Taako to fix it, and the resultant puddle became pudding.

“Uh huh.”

“We’re sharing.”

“Oh. That’s absolutely fine, I don’t mind.” It was better news than the margheritas, frankly.

“And there’s only one bed.” 

“I don’t mind if you don’t.” They’d shared before, he could deal with another night sleeping on his arms so his stupid subconscious didn’t decide they should be cuddling, actually.

“...and-also-they-might-think-we’re-married.” Lup said in a rush.

“Sorry, what? I don’t think I heard you right.”

Lup blushed brighter than he’d ever seen. “They think we’re…”

“...Ah, Dr Bluejeans-Tacco, I’m so delighted to meet you.” A tall man in an ascot and cosy looking jumper appeared by his elbow before Lup could finish. She definitely couldn’t have said what he thought he’d heard. That was ridiculous, there was no way. “As I explained to the awe inspiring Dr Bluejeans-Tacco here, we’re always so pleased to see newlyweds at Myths and Bed-gends! Marriage is such an honoured tradition, a delight, a union of souls! We were so excited when she let us know this trip was a surprise as you were celebrating an important life event. Now, do let me show you to the honeymoon suite, but don’t forget to visit the gift shop or the CryptoNOMica restaurant later tonight!”

Before Barry could say anything the man strode off towards the corridor. Lup gave Barry a panicked look, seemingly undecided as to whether she should follow the man or flee the building. Barry knew he should probably be freaking out right now, but truly he couldn’t find it in himself. Most of all, he needed to get his back under some hot water and maybe lie down. Lup could explain what was going on after that, but right now she looked more uncertain than he’d ever seen her, and there was no way he was having that.

“Come on then, Dr Bluejeans-Tacco.” Barry grabbed Lup’s hand. “You were definitely right about this place being a surprise.”

[monimolimnion]

hi im mildventing about my cat :)

LMAO. lmao because she is totally fine.

tldr, a few weeks ago a semiferal adopted herself at me (i live on a farm). we think she's related to my brother's cats (same age and they live nearby, and those cats also just showed up like 'adopt me hi'. the color genetics also check out because of course i did that math).

her name is lark and she is just the sweetest cat i've ever known, constantly acts like she is late for her 9-5 at the biscuit factory. has a very sweet little half face. stole my heart immediately, obviously. pet tax:

she has been in my bathroom for like four days, because i got her spayed (and she was already early pregnant ://///////// she is four months old. awful horrible). and even getting this to happen was lowkey a nightmare bc she is outdoors and only comes by whenever she feels like it, and we had nowhere to trap her overnight. now we're four days into her recovery and i am. Over It.

she's FINE is the thing. like she does not like the cone but she is not screaming or scrabbling to take it off. she doesnt even mind being inside that much. but mum and dad are both like 'will she be done soon :(' and my brain is just. [Bees].

she is meant to have the cone on for Seven To Fourteen Days and that was never going to happen regardless but like. im trying to leave her for as long as is sensible but even making that decision feels horrendous, because every option sucks, either im torturing this poor animal needlessly in a dark room all day by herself or as soon as i let her outside she'll chew her stitches open and then that will be Worse and i will be the moron who let it happen

(they literally let preganant TNR spays go after 72 hours. like she'd be fine. but anyway)

my routine is in shambles and my body hurts because im in there sitting on the floor with her as much as i can be and she doesnt even really want to hang out with me while im there she just wants to Groom Obsessively, during which i have to keep startling her if she grooms too close to the scar which makes her so Sad and then Me So Sad and. bro im tired.

(also i have my OWN surgery at the end of this month. which i should be resting for)

i am doing my Best. and while i originally thought what's best for her HAS to be me being in there with her, so she can have as much cone free time as possible, she is a cat and not a person and sleeps like a billion hours a day and when i am stressed so is she. she is fed, watered, and happy to see me by some miracle (if not really a lap cat atm which is understandable given the circumstances). i am not committing galactic war crimes by giving my cat a sensible amount of time to heal (but also releasing her before 7 days is up because she is an outdoor cat and there are limits to her - and importantly my - ability to cope w this).

[SCREAMS] anyway not long to go.

[envihellbender]

Mary/Marin finding Gerry in Eyepocalypse, horrific experiments ensue (or maybe he is saved before they ensue, your choice)

Characters: Mary Keay, Gerard Keay, Michael (Distortion)

Verse: The Magnus Archives, everybody lives AU… but also that is not necessarily a good thing

Content: experimentation, abuse

—

Gerry groaned as his eyes fluttered open, his ginger eyelashes blurring his vision. His body ached all over, and his arms felt strangely stretched out from his body. A sensation he instantly recognised. He knew it was pointless to struggle, but he did it anyway, causing his restraints to protest and creak. He was completely naked, showing off every single one of his sigils and scars. There were several different tubes and wires stuck to his body, on his face, his chest, his stomach, and thighs. He felt the cold air against his skin, his soft belly, and his small cock. Humiliation clung to his shivering limbs, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks as he didn’t need to look up to know his mum was next to him tapping away at her tablet.

“You’re awake already, Gerard,” Mary said approvingly without looking up. “Your tolerance to the sedative has gone up dramatically. How interesting. I think it’s those ridiculous pills you’ve been prescribed but at least they have one benefit.”

Gerry didn’t reply, instead his eyes flittered around the room - particularly the walls to count the entranceways. There was one metal door that he could see, an entrance with a series of complicated locks from the ceiling to the floor. He would have to keep an eye on it, he knew another door was bound to appear and he just had to hope his mum wouldn’t notice until it was too late. He had no doubt that Michael would come, he just hoped he figured out where Gerry was being kept before it got too awful. Mary flashed an angry look at him, her skeletal body looked extremely odd. Her skin was like paper and her limbs moved like a ball-jointed doll. She pulled on his small pink nipples that has gone hard with the cold, he clenched his teeth to stop himself from yelping.

“Don’t be rude, Gerard,” she snarled. Her bones were visible, even her skull, jaw, and teeth. It made her expressions look exaggerated and somehow even crueller.

“Sorry mum, how’s things? How was death? You look like shit.” Gerry’s tone was laden with sarcasm, his green eyes staring at the ceiling simply because looking into Mary’s made his stomach turn. It was bad enough that her irises were just like his, but now he could see every single millimetre of her corneas.

“Better now I have my idiotic, disappointing son here with me again. The boy who couldn’t even give me the death I wanted.”

“Oh yeah, fuck me for not wanting to hurt my mum, I guess.” In response to this, Mary with her thin lips contorted into a smirk, slipped a scalpel from the front pocket of her surgeons scrubs and with a shaking hand placed it against Gerry’s neck just to the right of his sigil devoted to The Eye.

“I told you not to be rude, Gerard,” she said sternly, but with a hint of humour in her voice as if she found the idea of harming her son amusing. Gerard scoffed, groaned, and exhaled before he replied.

“Right. Sorry for swearing whilst you’re planning on experimenting on me and torturing me, mum.”

“That’s better,” she smirked, slipping the scalpel back into her pocket. She picked up a scanning device and continued back to her work. She untangled the wire and held it over Gerry’s neck.

“Hm, the Eye completing it’s ritual doesn’t seem to have effected your sigil at all. How disappointing.”

“Isn’t that good? Doesn’t it show it’s working?”

“Don’t be stupid,” she snapped slapping him on the chest with the scanner. “I had hoped you’d develop more abilities to do with the Eye instead.”

“Maybe I would have if you didn’t put the sigil there.” Gerry was expecting to be hit again as a response but instead Mary but the scanner down and pulled on some surgical gloves. She began tapping away at her tablet and Gerry attempted to sit up to see what she was typing with no success. “What are you going to do?”

“You’ll see,” Mary replied. She put down her tablet and began applying two adhesive attachments to Gerry’s temples. He tried to pull away but he just winced and clenched his jaw as Mary grabbed his hair and tugged it. Her claw like fingers pressing into his scalp. He cowered under her grasp, as she began attaching wires to the adhesives. Before he could argue any more, Mary tapped at a machine out of Gerry’s view. His eyes began flicking around the room, his eyes widening and breath catching in his throat as he saw a second door. He repressed a smile, as adrenaline began to rise in his chest. His eyes were fixated on the changing room, that grew bigger and wider without Mary’s notice, and his thoughts were interrupted when a sharp electric shock burned either side of his face. He yelled and screamed, tearing his throat and his eyes growing red and sore. He felt a white heat and vibrating shock pass into his brain.

“Oh stop being so dramatic,” Mary dismissed. “Now, I think we need to increase the-” She froze. Somehow, her already greying pale skin grew even whiter with fear, as she felt a presence behind her. Gerry saw a familiar tall figure with blond curls who glitched into television static with every step. He sighed in relief. Michael.

“MARY KeaY” rang out through the room in Michael’s distorted voice, Gerry could hear the anger causing it to shake and screech. “do you REALLY THink THAT yOU have powER HERE?” Michael’s long, distorted hands wrapped around Mary’s neck, he squeezed until her bones broke through her skin in shards. All Gerry could focus on was Mary’s wide eyes looking around showing she was still alive. Michael sent waves of electricity throughout the entire room, causing the medical equipment in the room to splutter and break. Gerry relaxes as he feels the wires connected to him had stopped humming as if waiting to be used. Michael grabbed Mary by her rib cage, and hangs her from a hook for an IV from her sternum, leaving her hanging at an odd angle. Her body curled backwards as her head hung to the side like a rag doll. Her eyes still moving and her broken chest rising and falling. Michael doesn’t rip the tubes and wires away from Gerry but rather he changes reality around them so that they simply fall. Michael turns around back to Mary with fury in his eyes but his strange, glitching body halts as he hears a voice from behind him.

“Don’t,” Gerry croaked, his voice hoarse. “Leave her. Please.”

“but SHE hURT You,” Michael said, his body glitching to television static and back again as he turned around.

“Yeah well-” Gerry paused and sighed. “What else is new? I just wanna leave.”

“i SUPPose, YES… WE sHOUld go HOME.” Michael picked Gerry up into his arms, as if the restraints weren’t there at all. Home now, thanks to Elias Bouchard, was a distorted, nonsensical fairground of horror ruled by the Spiral, with a secret calm haven hidden beneath it. It wasn’t quite what Gerry thought of as home but it was with Michael, and it was far away from here.

[damien-mlm]

A New Start - Part 1 (The Boy Nanny!OC)

2107 words. Warnings: just Brahms being a little bit of a creep at the end, but it comes without saying.

It had been six months since Maeve had moved back to Manchester. She took life easy and in baby steps. Taking one day at a time. 

Her shy and reserved nature made it hard for her to make many friends in the city, but she did make friends online. Percy Jones, Ellie Manson, Merry Ross and Alia Fowl. Maeve had met Ellie from her travel blog, then Percy appeared in the background during one of their video call art sessions. Merry and Alia were fellow readers of Ellie's blog, and friends of Ellie as well! It was quite a nice group she had, and she loved them dearly, despite the big distance between them.

Percy had mentioned her pen pal, Blair. She seemed like a really cool person, but unfortunately she had no access to an internet connection. Percy had given her Blair's mailing address, maybe she would send her a letter once she got to her own new address herself.

Speaking of which, while the life insurance money was nowhere near running out, Maeve felt like she would go insane if she didn't do something with herself other than lie around all day and wait for the next session with her therapist, or the next time her friends texted her. So she started hunting for a job. 

First, she thought of teaching music at a local school, but had no luck. She was about to consider giving private piano lessons, until a certain job application fell on her lap.

She had been hired as a tutor and caretaker for the Heelshire's son, Brahms. His parents had been looking for somebody who would be able to care for the boy while they were away, while also maintaining his homeschooling.

It was perfect! Maeve was still scared of being around too many people, so the idea of caring for a single child was a lot more welcoming than giving a class to a full room of kids. She would have to move to the Heelshire Manor for the job, and since she had been renting, she had no problem in bringing her belongings with her. There wasn't much left since the fire…

Twas the night before she was being picked up by the private driver, and she was excited, but also anxious beyond relief. She paced back and forth in front of her laptop while speaking out loud, she was on a video call with Ellie, Percy by her side, and Merry.

"What if the kid doesn't like me? What if he cries, and I don't know how to calm him down? Am I supposed to call his parents back from vacation? OH GOD, WHAT IF HE IS A BRAT AND I LOSE MY TEMPER?!"

Merry held her own forehead as she sighed at her exasperated friend. Percy gave a small chuckle.

"You'll be fine, girlie! You'll see" she said, Merry humming in agreement.

"I'm sure the kid will be fine! It’s you, who I'm kinda worried about, Mae. Are you sure you want to do this?" Ellie chimed in.

Maeve finally sat down in front of her laptop and let out a strong deep breath before answering, "Of course, I need this. I need to have more responsibilities, and you know I always wanted to be a mum, so this will be good practice for that!" 

"Alright, just keep us all posted, okay? You are going into the middle of nowhere, please don't disappear on us!" Merry said, "If we don't hear from you within a week, I'm sending Jason out to get you!" she declared, half joking.

"I'll keep in touch, I promise" Maeve said, raising a hand, the other one over her heart, "It's getting late for me. I'll try to go to sleep now, and I'll text you all in the group chat once I arrive at the manor"

"Have a good night, Mae!" Ellie said, Percy joining in while waving at the screen, "Night, Mae! Don't forget to keep us posted!" she said, pointing at the camera. "Try to rest, okay hun? Sweet dreams!" Merry said, waving at Maeve.

Maeve waved at her friends, "Goodnight, me lassies! Ellie, send my regards to Vinny! I hope to see more of his work soon. Percy, make sure Bo doesn't torture his twin too bad. And Merry, say hi to Jason for me! Oh, and tell Alia and Mikey I said hi as well!"

After they all said their goodbyes, Maeve closed her laptop with yet another heavy sigh.

She wasn't able to sleep all night.

The vintage car had arrived in the early morning, and once all her things were ready, she got in the backseat and braced herself for the long ride. Once the initial nerves had died out, she fell asleep, only to be rudely woken up by the driver, who aggressively tapped on the window she was leaning against.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how else to wake you, miss"

Maeve rubbed her eyes to get rid of the grogginess before stepping out of the vehicle, it had been a very long ride, apparently, since it was already dark outside.

She was previously informed that her trip was paid for in advance, and that the driver would take care of her luggage. 

It was a rather cold night, the tip of her nose going red with the chill, and both her and the driver's breath made visible under the dim lighting at the front door, so Maeve rushed indoors and left the door open as courtesy for the driver, who was getting her stuff in the house.

She gazed at the tall ceilings, marveling at the masterfully carved wood on the walls, as well as the beautiful staircase.

"Hello? Is anybody around?" she called out. No answer though.

She wandered around the first floor of the manor, reaching a room full of books, an old record player, and a small piano. She reached for the instrument out of instinct and played a few notes to try out the sound. It sounded a bit like a toy piano rather than the ones she used to play at Uni, I'm glad I have my keyboard with me, she thought to herself.

She turned to exit the room when she heard some footsteps nearby, she walked back to the foyer, expecting to find somebody, only for it to be empty. That's strange, she could've sworn she heard footsteps…

She brushed it off and focused on admiring the paintings on the walls, they were full of beautiful art, and one of them stood out to her.

A family portrait, a picture of Mr. and Mrs. Heelshire, and a small child, whom she assumed to be the one she would be taking care of. She mindlessly reached out to the painting, to touch the boy's face, until she was interrupted by somebody clearing their throat behind her.

She jumped at the sound, and turned around quickly, to see an old lady patiently waiting for her to respond.

"Ah, my apologies, I suppose you are Mrs. Heelshire?" Maeve said, tucking some of her hair behind her left ear, the redness of burn scars on it suddenly visible, unbeknownst to her, "I'm Maeve Sweeney, it is a pleasure to meet you" she said, with a small bow to her head.

The lady noticed the scars, but quickly looked at the young woman's eyes before speaking "Yes, dear. It is a pleasure to meet you, as well." she paused for a second, "I'm afraid little Brahms has been put to bed already, you'll meet him tomorrow. Follow me, now. That was a long trip you had, I'm sure you must be hungry"

Maeve smiled and bowed her head again, "Famished, actually", to which Mrs. Heelshire responded with a hum, before turning and starting to walk towards the kitchen, with Maeve following close.

A kind-faced old man was sat at the small kitchen table, patiently waiting as the two ladies entered the room. There was a plate with chicken roast and mashed potatoes with gravy, along with a glass of wine and silverware set on the opposite seat at the table.

"Daddy, this is Maeve" Mrs. Heelshire said. The old man stood up, "It's so nice to finally meet you in person, young lady, I'm Mr. Heelshire. It was a shame that you couldn't join us for dinner, but we saved a plate just for you, as per Brahms' request"

Maeve sat in front of the plate, a polite and calm demeanor to her, "Well, the little lad is truly a gentleman. I'll make sure to thank him tomorrow when I meet him. May I?" she asked, to which Mr. Heelshire motioned with his hand and nodded.

The old pair sat across from her at the table as she began eating her late dinner. The food was delicious, and the wine decadent. 

"We don't waste any food in this house, all of the leftovers are placed in containers into the freezer behind you" Mrs. Heelshire said, which prompted Maeve to turn her head to look, revealing the bright red scars on the back of her neck. 

As she turned her head back to the couple, she noticed a faint apologetic look in Mrs. Heelshire's eyes, as well as a sad, worried look on Mr. Heelshire's. They continued to explain her duties as she continued eating. Once she was finished, she bowed her head once again and thanked the couple for the meal, before standing and moving to wash her own dishes.

Brahms' parents were pleased at the young lady's manners, "Miss Sweeney, you are to expect some help with the house chores every week. On Sundays, the gardener will show, on Mondays, the delivery man will come with groceries for you, along with your weekly pay, and on Tuesdays, a cleaning maid. This house is so big, after all. It would be rather unkind of us to expect you to care for the entirety of the estate by yourself." Mr. Heelshire said, to which the missus added, "We also arranged a monthly nurse to come and draw blood from you, for your blood tests, as you requested. Your medication will be delivered with the groceries"

Maeve had thanked all the creatures above and below for the acting classes she took at Uni, she was afraid the old fashioned couple wouldn't give her the job if they knew she was trans, but she still needed her estrogen pills. So she informed them that she had a rare disorder that caused her body to not produce enough estrogen on its own. Hence why she needed the pills, and monthly blood work done, to keep track of how her body reacted to the medication.

"Thank you, Madam, Sir." she said, regarding the pair, "You are all too generous"

After it was all said and done, Mr. Heelshire excused himself to the drinking room, while Mrs. Heelshire escorted Maeve to her new room.

"Please, keep quiet, that's little Brahmsy's room, right there" she said, pointing at the door across the hallway. Maeve nodded and followed Mrs. Heelshire into her own bedroom.

The interior of the room was just as elegant and beautiful as the rest of the manor. A king sized bed, dressed in silk and linen sheets, along with knitted wool duvets and covers, sat in the room. Maeve could feel herself getting drowsy again, just by looking at it.

"Please, Miss Sweeney, make yourself at home. And make sure to rest, we will expect you to be up and ready at 7 am, tomorrow" Mrs. Heelshire said, standing still at the door.

"Of course, Madam. Thank you." Maeve said, with another small bow of her head, to which the old lady smiled and left, closing the door behind her.

Maeve left her phone on the bedside table and went to the on-suite bathroom to take a quick hot shower, then exited, wearing her antique nightgown. She crawled into the soft bed and relaxed, grabbing her phone again to finally give her girlfriends an update.

There wasn't a signal out in the country, but there was a single wifi connection titled "Heelshire Manor", it had no password.

She connected her phone and sent a message in the group chat they all shared, "Hello! I'm finally at the manor, you should all see this place, it looks like out of a fairytale book! I haven't met the boy yet, but his parents are lovely. I'll send more updates tomorrow! Good night 💕". Sent.

She drifted off to a deep sleep almost immediately after, never noticing the aforementioned "boy"s presence, looking down at her peaceful sleeping form.

A/N: The intro turned a lot longer than I expected, so I decided to divide it into 2 parts. Part 2 will be posted as soon as I finish writting ✨

Taglist: @rottent33th @slaasherslut @the-pinstriped-hood @allthingsblood @moon-of-desire @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @texaschainsawslvt @angxlslasher @kalid-raven @mr-trick Imma also add @bluecoolr because I admire you a lot and I would love to know your thoughts 💕

[ambermaytions]

I should preface this with the fact that I’m not officially diagnosed with anything yet, but we are pursuing an ADHD diagnosis. I have a formally diagnosed parent, with a long family history indicating it went back a long way. The other side of my family has a lot of autistic markers, although I don’t think any of them have ever been diagnosed. I don’t know what combination of neurospicy I am, since again, I am currently undiagnosed.

I don’t think people talk enough about overstimulation. For me, it doesn’t happen so often, but usually when it does I get incredibly stressed. It’s not just something I can walk off.

For the 3, maybe 4 neurotypical people on this site, I’ve found a pretty good way to explain how it feels to be stuck in choice paralysis which in a twisted way causes overstimulation.

Sometimes, my brain finds the task at hand not mentally stimulating enough. It decides to make its own stimulation by making me hyperaware of everything going on around me. This seems cool, right? Like a spidey sense in real life? Nope. Sometimes actually, but in this case, nope.

I have a history of overstimulation, although I didn’t put together what it was until recently. My family always tends to go to caravan resorts on holiday, and typically we go and see the evening entertainment after the stuff aimed at younger kids wraps up. The microphones are always turned up far too loud, leading to a number of times when I was younger where I’d sit with mum with her hands over my ears and I’d be completely silent and detached because it was so loud it was too stressful to do anything but shut down, since I was very young and wasn’t exactly trusted to go outside on my own to get away from it, or because on one occasion I was performing in a talent show, but they only did the results after the adult’s section (pretty late at night for a 9 year old), but I wasn’t sure how long it would take so I couldn’t go anywhere else.

It’s like being in a room with the drip torture setup, where the slow tapping of water from a leaky pipe makes you willing to do anything to get away from the noise. Overstimulation is like having three, four, maybe a hundred leaky pipes all at different volumes and distances, all driving you insane at once, making functional existence extremely difficult.

It’s like the POV in The Telltale Heart being incredibly convincing to the police, but the old man’s heartbeat no one else can hear is deafening and he can’t tell anyone about it for fear of seeming insane.

One leaky tap or silent heartbeat might be a clock in the other room, another might be people talking upstairs, or the refrigerator buzzing, or yet another clock in the hallway that ticks out of time with the first, or the trickling noise of the fish tank, or the fabric of an item of clothing suddenly making you want to scream, or the taste of the last thing you ate constricting your throat, and all these things stack up. You can’t tell anyone or do anything about them because they don’t feel those things. Of course they hear and feel, but as background noise. For you, it’s all foreground all the time, and daily life gets lost in the midground as it’s covered by the things most other people store elsewhere.

Stacking a dishwasher is a mountain of overstimulation for me. Each fork to go in the cutlery compartment has to be carefully positioned and quickly dropped and moved away from. If old food (or new food (eating chicken wings is similarly torturous), or even water) stays on my hands and starts to dry on its own, it becomes extremely itchy, adding to the network of pipes dripping, the all-eclipsing heartbeat no one else seems hear.

[duskwoodgirl4life]

Jake's POV

Our hearts now beat as one we are reunited spending every moment together

Chapter 10

It was coming up to MCs birthday and Jake wanted too get her something special, he had been doing a few hacking jobs on the dark net. He was making good money by helping these people with what they needed doing. Jake searched an online jewelry store and came across a heart pendant the jewels around the heart were diamond's. It came with matching diamond earrings and added it too his basket clicking on buy. Once the gift had arrived Jake went too buy MC some flowers and chocolate's. While Jake was looking for the perfect card he spotted a grey bear with a heart. Written on the heart was you are my forever, I will love you always.

The next day it was MCs birthday Jake made his way too her house as it was a school day. He knocked on the door and was greeted by MCs mum Matilda.

Matilda: good morning Jake, come on in she's in the kitchen

Jake: good morning Matilda, thank you

Jake made his way into the kitchen and saw MC sat at the table eating breakfast he walked over and kissed her on the cheek

MC: Jake, I've missed you

Jake: I missed you too, happy birthday my angel

MC: oh Jake, you shouldn't have thank you so much

MC opened up the gift her mouth dropped open, she couldn't believe how thoughtful Jake had been. She was quick too wrap her arms around him kissing him deeply on the lips.

Jake: your welcome my love, let me put it on for you

MC: how does it look?

Jake: it looks perfect MC

MC: and you got my favourite flowers and chocolate's I love you Jake

Jake: I love you MC

MC put her flowers in some water then grabbed her backpack taking Jake's hand they left for school. Their first class was history, then MC had art class Jake went too the computer room and waited for MC. While Jake was waiting he was searching the dark web and came across someone asking for help.

They wanted someone too hack into the government and make copies of some documents. Jake sent them an email saying he would do the job and agreed too the payment of £2000 once everything was set up Jake started the hack. He quickly found what he was looking for and sent the copies over payment for the documents was paid. While Jake was searching around he came across some documents. Marked private and confidential Jake clicked on them and couldn't believe what he had read.

The documents contained details of the war crimes and detailing how innocent people had been killed. Some had been tortured, raped, children being beaten Jake quickly made copies and saved them onto his pen drive. Just as he had finished MC came into the class and saw Jake sat at the computer.

MC: everything okay?. You look upset

Jake: I'm okay, don't worry come on let's go get some food.

MC: have I told you lately how beautiful you are

Jake: your so sweet, I love you

They walked hand in hand too their spot and sat down under the blossom tree MC looked up at Jake and noticed he was still upset.

MC: Jake, what's wrong? And don't say nothing I know there is something bothering you

Jake: I can't hide anything from you I was doing a job for someone before, I hacked into the government computers. They wanted copies of some documents after I sent them and got paid. I came across some documents about war crimes and how innocent people had gotten killed, tortured, raped, children being beaten

MC: that's awful, Jake you have too get this information out.

Jake: I'm just trying too figure out how too do it, if I do there is a chance they will come for me.

MC: I want you too leak the information but at the same time I don't want too lose you.

Jake: I don't want too lose you either

MC: no, you have too do this for all the innocent people's lives.

MC kissed Jake's cheek taking hold of his hand she looked deep into his eyes they both knew what had too be done. They carried on eating after they finished they went too their next couple classes. On their way home Jake stopped by flower stand and bought MC a rose.

Jake: will you come back too mine?

MC: of course, if you want me too

Jake: I do, if I'm going too do this I need you by my side

MC: Jake, I will always be by your side no matter what

They arrived back at Jake's house and went too his room, Jake switched on his computer MC sat down next too him taking hold of his hand and giving it a light squeeze. After Jake's computer had loaded he began the hack, putting the pen drive into the computer he took the files and loaded them up onto all the news sites. After it was done it quickly began too spread all the news stations were blowing up they couldn't get the reports of quick enough. It hadn't taken long for the news too spread every detail of what had gone on had now been published.

The International Criminal Court had issued a statement:

The ICC deny all involvement in these false documents published, this is not what goes on on the war camps. All prisoners are treated accordingly we want too make it clear that we will be launching a full investigation. Who ever as done this will be dealt within the proper channels.