#my mother made the mistake of phrasing it as a choice: go with her to get allergy shots every week

[thoughtfulchaos773]

I'm thinking of the leak of Claire and Carmy's argument.

I'm wondering if the end of the 3rd season's song "Disarm" by Smashing Pumpkins will give us a clue - at least what the argument will highlight and the theme of season 4.

I think that's the moment- the argument it will reveal the truth of Carmy and Claire's relationship.

If I think about the end of the second season and the song that plays. Half a world away by R.E.M. the lyrics that end with Sydney go it alone foreshadows and tells us about season 3 which starts with Carmy saying I left you alone. (May I had based on that song alone I was about to predict the 3rd season).

But back to the ending of the season 3 song.

Season 3 ends with the song disarm- lyrics:

Disarm you with a smile And cut you like you want me to Cut that little child Inside of me and such a part of you Ooh, the years burn Ooh, the years burn I used to be a little boy So old in my shoes And what I choose is my choice What's a boy supposed to do? The killer in me is the killer in you My love I send this smile over to you

Giving us a hint to the 4th season. This song is quoted by Billy Corgan as:

“... rather then have an angry, angry, angry violent song I’d thought I’d write something beautiful and make them (his parents) realize what tender feelings I have in my heart, and make them feel really bad for treating me like shit.

Disarm’s hard to talk about because people will say to me ‘I listen to that song and I can’t figure out what it’s about.’ It’s like about things that are beyond words. I think you can conjure up images and put together phrases, but it’s a feeling beyond words and for me it has a lot to do with like a sense of loss. Being an adult and looking back and romanticizing a childhood that never happened or went by so quickly in a naive state that you miss it.”  — Billy Corgan on Disarm

Season 4 will explore Carmy's issues with Donna, shedding light on Claire and Carmy's relationship and its core truth. It was an idealized version of what he didnt have his mother and one moment will show just how he's trying to workout his relationship with his mom through claire. How he was dating someone who has versions of donna and idealized versions of Donna carmy never got to experience.

This repeat of donna was outlined in the network script but not the show itself. This claire and carmy relationship in the show is insidious. It's not obvious she resembles donna except for her actions and the camera angles and she's also the happy- "nice" idealized version of donna that donna plays but shows her true face eventually.

It's like the song and how he idealizes a childhood- a teenage love that he never had. But realizing in season 4, like the song's synopsis, his choice in changing- in breaking that cycle of relationships that resembles his relationship with Donna.

This song is about him resolving a cycle that he made the mistake of repeating things so he can move on.

My theory on the argument shedding light of claire- it will probably happen on the night of Tiffany's wedding. They either get back together briefly, so he's Claire's plus one – probably one date to try it again – or he's Richie's plus one.

This show loves parrallels- the argument between claire-carmy-richie will resemble this scene:

Donna yelling- Carmy dealing with her anger- all of it with Richie in the middle just watching not cutting in- but who knows maybe he has changed and will step in when Claire argue with carmy- listening to disarm it's about breakin cycles- changing and Richie will do the thing he's never done with Carmy he's going to stop the argument from escalating or at least he'll try to.

Another clue of a possible parrallel: we get clues throughout the episode fishes that donna is connected to claire. Keep in mind, after the scene with Donna yelling at Carmy to move the pot, we dive into Claire—an idealized relationship Carmy never had.

After the scene with Carmy freaking out about Claire, Richie tells Tiffany about hooking Carmy up. Tiffany is surprised because from what she knows of Claire, she's so nice.

Let's talk more about that nice thing that tiffany says...because it appears through 2x06 fishes.

With the berzattos. Things and people just can't be nice. The berzattos are both kind and agressive. If claire is a bearzatto- then she has the same traits in that household. Probably being nice is not what Claire is- not fully at least.

Why this will happen the night of tiffanys wedding? Because tiffany and richie talk about claire and carmy.

And all tiffany knows is what claire said about the situation.

There's going to be another theme similar to seasons 2 and 3, where Richie and Tiffany are the ones discussing or observing Claire and Carmy's relationship with the awareness of repeating cycles. But it's not just Carmy repeating the cycle of being like Donna; it's also his relationships resembling Claire mirroring Donna.

Because from the conversation with Tiffany and what she was told about Carmy, Claire throws pity parties like Donna.

Sorry, but Claire is having a pity party over what Carmy said while he was having an existential crisis in the fridge.

Claire annoyed with the question are you okay? Yeah similarities as it's been discussed here.

Now that Carmy has faced Chef David, as Jimmy mentioned, he has to confront it head-on. Carmy will begin to see the reality and let go of the idealized versions of his mother. He will see the truth about their relationship, which will lead him to end things that no longer serve him.

Apologizing to those he's hurt the right way carmy is going to be able to smile and show the tenderness in his heart. He'll have the courage to change and no longer carry things and people from his mother. He'll break a cycle.

Now if that argument is about syd? About carmy lying - about not doing anything with sydney?

The climax of the argument: Clairebear is going to try to make Carmy say the words "I love you" just to prove something. just as Donna makes him say the words..

Remember Donna is coming to the wedding too. Both Claire and Donna he'll have to face them, and Claire and Donna being in the same room together will make the resemblance even more obvious.

We shall seee. What a mess.

Tagging: @currymanganese @whenmemorydies @turbulenthandholding @moodyeucalyptus @vacationship @fresaton @vacationship

[calronhunt]

I'm really inspired by how you write complicated characters, so I was wondering if you have any advice you could share?

I make characters with the intention that I want to make comics with them, and I always find myself getting stuck on the worry that they will be misinterpreted by other people, which leads to me leaning further away from making the characters complicated and messy but then they are less enjoyable for me to write

A big one I'm stuck on right now is one of my characters who is used as an attack dog for another character essentially, and I know you have a few characters who have a similar thing going on, but I worry about the fact that some people might reduce it down to a "murder is bad" thing and not understand what I'm trying to get across with the character, especially with wanting his arc to be learning that he deserves a better life then that

But complicated characters in general are something I struggle to have confidence in writing, so if you have any advice in general for how you go about writing characters I would be interested in hearing

well Number One, you gotta not worry about how other people will perceive your character. no matter what you do, even if you, for lack of a better phrase, "dumb it down," people are going to misunderstand your character and what you're getting across. When you're writing the main audience you should be concerned with is yourself. Do you like how this character's arc goes? okay then go with that. Don't care about how you think others will perceive it. That often just makes you more petrified and scared to actually create anything and writing for a perceived backlash/misunderstanding is never a good thing. (and also anecdotally, I've found it harder to get across that "violence and murder is bad and fucks you up permanently" to my audience then the opposite lmaooo)

BUT yeah writing complicated characters is my favorite thing on the planet. What I often like to do is give character a mix of sympathetic traits and Objectively Bad Actions but with reasons to back up WHY they did that tie back into the sympathetic trait.

Ariel is a bad person. She's an awful mother, an awful partner to her wife, and self pitying as can all be. She's not abusive in any verbal or physical way, she's passive. She's neglectful. She's sad. She doesn't want to rock the status quo of the royal family at all. and she feels bad about all of this but she can't stop doing it. However, all of these aspects can be tied back to Ariel witnessing the assassination of her parents at 18, how young she had to take the throne, and all of the responsibilities she had pushed onto her. She married young and had children young bc the importance of continuing her line was pushed on her. She cheated on her wife bc she liked the small bit of freedom the man she saw offered her from all the things keeping her trapped in royalty. She neglects Raphael, the cheat child, bc she hates how much he looks like her and how he reminds her of all the mistakes in her life.

None of this is an excuse for Ariel's actions obviously. but it offers an explanation as to why she's made these choices. and that's kinda the core for complicated characters for me.

There are several characters that I have that are bad people, people who do objectively bad things, people who hurt others, characters who dig deeper and deeper into being a terrible person bc it's all they know how to do. But then I sit back and I think about their circumstances and their life and I think "Would I be any better if I was in their place." My characters like Mariner, Lain, Ericka, Lionel, Fate and Dry really hit that sweet spot for me.

[wayfaringauthorofficial]

WIP EXCERPT!

Smoothing her dress, the younger woman chewed on her lip in a desperate attempt to keep the tears at bay. And she would. She had to be strong. That was the persona they had required when she became Mrs. Frances Price. Breaking from that mold would shatter her soul; her masters would make sure of it. Not to mention the other people who would be destroyed by this mistake. Frances had vowed she would protect them, that August would be safe. She wasn’t going to break another family. She wasn’t going to let Mrs. Oldham feel the pain her own mother felt when she laid her headless son in the ground. Her parents had raised her to be respectful, to have faith and courage. She wasn’t about to throw all of that in the ground because of her fear, her anger. Everything she had worked for… all that she had done to protect her family… would have been for nothing. Frances would never be able to face her father again if that became a reality. What would he say? What would he do, if she had let him down? Would he do what Mr. Oldham was forced to do to his son? Would he mean it?

Wiping her face, Frances took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but Mr. Price sent me,” the woman forced out, “and he wants Quill and Seth, but it’s just for today. He promised I would bring them home… just tell them to be good. Everything is going to be fine. I could bring you fruit tarts tonight if you’d like. My mother made them fresh yesterday. They’re in Mr. Price’s freezer. It would be no trouble.” She just wanted to do something good, bring a smile to the woman’s face in the light of all this pain, this confusion. Women had to stick together in a place like this, so their fathers, brothers, masters, or husbands didn’t tear them apart.

That look… she knew it well. It was the same expression that painted her own mother’s face the night she was ripped from them. But this wasn’t going to be like that, he’d promised. And didn’t he always prove to stick to his word? Mr. Price wasn’t a kind man, but he was honest, true. For the most part. He wouldn’t break her family, too. At least, Frances didn’t think he would. He’d never lied to her about something like this. If he did, surely Mr. Deveaux would give him hell for it. It was his business that would be affected, after all. Frances was just following orders; she didn’t have a choice in the matter. There would be hell to pay if she came back without the woman’s sons. Everyone in this place knew that fact well. The men in Deveaux’s Landing were to be obeyed, never questioned. She would not cross him… not until she had a plan in place that would benefit her and her family.

Frances could see Mrs. Peters trying to come up with an excuse, a way to get out of this. She would beg, cry. But that wasn’t something that either of the women had time for. With every minute that past, Mr. Price and Mr. Deveaux grew more and more impatient. Didn’t she understand that? Frances had to leave, and it better be soon.

“Mrs. Peters… please, I don’t have a choice. You’ll see them after he locks the gates, I promise. You know what he’ll do to August… to me… if I come back without them. We all remember what happened to my brother when he tried to think of another way,” Frances whispered, not having to specify just what she was referring to for the elder woman to flinch. Everyone in this place remembered the night Elias was slain, a nightmare that played through the adults’ minds every day.

So she wiped her hands on her dress and put on a smile to mask the tears. A series of words and phrases her masters would deem unfit for a lady of her supposed standing tumbled through Frances’ head as Mrs. Peters nodded and painted on a tight-lipped smile. Any other sign that she was against this was pushed deep down, just like what Frances did with her own troubles and trials whenever she thought of her future in this god-forsaken place.

[redjadethewriter]

"You're Brave To Choose 'Not' To Forgive"

While watching an ex-therapist discuss the concept of forgiveness, their perspective intrigued me. They argued that forgiveness can sometimes serve as a way to dissociate from our true feelings. It was a refreshing take, as we often hear phrases like “You need to find forgiveness in your perpetrator” or “You’re brave for being so forgiving.” However, I believe there is a distinction between apologizing for our actions and genuinely working on personal growth and emotional maturity.

Apologizing involves taking accountability for the harm we have caused and actively striving to become a better person. It requires self-reflection and understanding of the root causes of our destructive actions. It is not about seeking forgiveness solely to repair relationships or improve our image in the eyes of others.

In the past, I apologized with the expectation of forgiveness, without truly learning from my mistakes. I yearned to have that person back in my life or to enhance my reputation, rather than sincerely addressing the underlying issues that led to my harmful behavior. I now realize that I needed to take responsibility for my actions and focus on personal growth, rather than seeking forgiveness as a means to move on.

It is essential to delve into the reasons behind our uncontrollable emotions and the destructive actions they may trigger. By understanding the root of these issues, we can work towards genuine personal growth and emotional healing.

The guy spoke about his decision not to forgive his parents, explaining how it saved his life. This choice helped him grieve, reconnect with his emotions, and ultimately recover from his trauma. I can completely understand why he needed to do that, and it made me reflect on my own experiences. Why did we spend so many years constantly forgiving those who hurt us the most? In his case, he had to forgive his parents because he depended on them. He talked about feeling trapped, having nowhere else to go, lacking the financial means to leave, and being too inexperienced to navigate life on his own. It’s devastating when forgiveness becomes the only option, leading to dissociation and enduring constant issues, all while trying to cope with the trauma of being stuck with the very people who caused it.

I have spoken to many people in my life who describe feeling like orphans, despite having parents. These individuals have endured neglect, deficient parenting, and various forms of abuse. Some of them even argue that certain individuals should never become parents in the first place. I deeply admire those who openly admit that they do not want to have children to spare them from inheriting or experiencing trauma. It shows their recognition of the flaws within the current system.

Occasionally, my mother has expressed her wish that she had never been born when overwhelmed by life’s challenges. It’s an unsettling sentiment, but it’s a rare occasion where we find common ground. These conversations may not be healthy, but then again, mentally or emotionally healthy individuals did not raise us, nor did we grow up in a safe environment.

I even had to tell my mother that she doesn’t have to forgive anyone, but she should acknowledge that our entire bloodline is dysfunctional. This dysfunction stems from centuries of accumulated issues and challenges. However, it doesn’t mean that we must subject ourselves to toxicity any longer. Instead, let’s wish them well and distance ourselves from the negativity.

Of course, there are some individuals who choose to believe in forgiveness as a virtue and expose themselves to a lot of nonsense, even when they have the means to separate themselves from it. On the other hand, there are those of us who don’t have that luxury and must find a way to survive by any means necessary.

As for me, I cannot bring myself to forgive anyone for their actions. I simply acknowledge that we are all products of the accumulated nonsense that has plagued our bloodline and society. However, it is crucial that actions are held accountable and not excused.

I once had a friend who desired her parents to take responsibility for their actions. I had to explain to her it’s highly unlikely that she will ever receive that accountability from them, and the same may be true for the rest of us. The individuals who have caused harm would first have to acknowledge to themselves that they have done something truly terrible that has hurt us. Unfortunately, I doubt their ego will allow them to do so, as it would mean they would have to confront their own flaws and potentially view themselves as less than good people, especially if they hold that belief about themselves.

Hence, I concur that forgiveness may not be the most effective approach in life. As he remarked, “It’s courageous of you to choose not to forgive,” and I fully agree. This is true when you have been raised to believe that forgiveness is an empowering act, when in reality, I have never experienced a sense of empowerment or liberation when uttering the words, “I forgive you.” Instead, I would much prefer to witness individuals taking proactive steps to improve themselves as human beings, without expecting my forgiveness. Merely recognizing their struggles and acknowledging that they have personal issues to overcome would suffice.

Thank you!

[telemna-hyelle]

Hyrule is a (redacted) au, sons of courage, still good. And Sandwich my beloved if you want.

Hyrule is a [redacted] AU is all about Hyrule being [redacted]! :D

Something I can say is that it revolves around a lot of Zelink. I actually have something published from this AU 😏 see if you can find it *wiggles eyebrows*

A snippet for you:

Legend had made the mistake of deciding he could multitask.

Or, to put it more clearly, Legend was impatient and, after running into the mailman early in the day while traveling, the veteran decided he didn’t want to wait any longer before reading his letter. So, he simply decided to read it while he walked.

This, as previously stated, was a mistake. He felt as if he was moving through a fog. A fog filled with several choice echoing phrases from Zelda’s letter, with one phrase in particular being the most prominent.

Sons of Courage!

The first chapter in the series of this AU is already published, in a fic titled 'Blood of Courage'! The basic premise is that Farore reincarnates as Link's mother every time.

“Wait, Legend didn’t raise his hand. What was his mother’s name?” Sky asked.

There was a beat of silence. Farona turned and looked at Legend, before shifting into another self and placing her hands on her hips.

“Link Faron Gustaf Daphnes the III!”

Legend flinched and turned red.

Everyone else’s mouth dropped open.

There was a moment of utter quiet, in which Warriors could be seen silently mouthing “Link Faron Gustaf Daphnes the III” with an ever-increasing grin.

Legend shot Farona a look of betrayal. It was completely ineffective, as he had betrayed her first.

“I take it that means his mother was a Farona, too.” Time said dryly.

“Quite.” Farona said haughtily. “One would think I would get a little more recognition after being in labor for sixty-three hours with him.” Legend blanched. Several of the other men went pale. Sky looked faintly green.

Still Good is my collection of interconnected oneshots from This is My Family, which is about the little family of Warriors, Artemis (as Sheik), Mask and Wind during the War of Ages

Still, in the amount of time it took Linkle to find her way to the war, certain… things had developed. Things which took Linkle very little time at all to pick up on.

In fact, it took her precisely one day, the precise time being breakfast the morning after she arrived. She sauntered up to Link’s cookfire in order to laugh at his helplessness in a leaf-callling-the-grass-green manner, before going to the cooks to beg for edible food for herself.

Instead, she came upon the scene of Link busily repairing a pile of torn and battered clothes, while Mask and Wind were crowded around Shiek at the stewpot, where the sheikah was very patiently trying to teach them to feed themselves.

Linkle took one look, grinned, and plopped down besides Link. Link knew that look; he’d lay down a purple that Linkle was Up To No Good and about to embark on antics aimed in his direction.

And a little snippety of Sandwich the beloved!

“Now,” Time said, drawing everyone’s attention back to him, where he sat enthroned upon his favorite armchair, “May I see this baby?”

“Pause my timer, guys,” Four muttered, and reluctantly stood up, shifting Zelly so she lay against his shoulder for easy carrying. It took a bit of time to get across the room, picking his way carefully through the scattered forms of college boys strew across the floor, but then he was passing the baby into Time’s experienced hands. In a twinkling, Time was holding Zelly up in front of him, eying her thoughtfully.

All the boys (and Artemis) held their breath.

Zelly blinked back at Time, and then broke into a wide smile, giggling and reaching tiny little fingers out towards the funny man with the colorful face.

Time grinned back, the look in his eyes softening, and bounced her up and down, prompting Zelly to burst into a series of happy squeals. “Well, it’s certainly nice to make your acquaintance, Miss Sandwich.”

Twilight smacked his forehead. “Dad, why.”

[sassymoon]

better off without me

pairing: spencer reid x G.N!reader summary: this is the end of a relationship that was the best thing he ever had, and it’s time to say goodbye. category: angst with sad ending. word count: 3K cw: cheating, vague mentions of sexual acts, heavy self hatred from spencer, sad ending. MINORS DNI 18+ a\n: i wrote this for the celebration of the wonderful @mercy-burning, using the prompt "thirty-six months, just the two of us, only one mistake to mess it up" (strangers, fletcher) and combined it with a song that pom sent me, paper thin hotel by Leonard cohen. thank you both for being amazing and a constant inspiration, and congratulations mercy! a\n 2: if you think i missed any thing for the CW or you see any mention of gender here, please let me know and ill fix it!

MASTERLIST

Compliments are a weird thing, I never know what to say when I get them. In general, expressions of praise and admiration felt bizarre when directed towards me. I never felt worthy of those nice words and the kindness that came with it. And beyond that, I never know how to react to those sentiments. Should I agree, and come off as arrogant and self obsessed? Or should I decline and let people know I think so low of myself? It always feels like a trap, and I have no way to win. So usually, I go with the easier route. I nod my head, smile, thank the person and go my way. There is no need for me to answer and dig a hole for myself.

Ever since I was a child, people would compliment me in various ways. It was mostly about my intelligence, how smart I am, and how I probably make my parents proud. When strangers heard about my multiple degrees they would be in awe, “you must be a genius!” and “you are going to change the world” would be phrases I came to hear often.

Later in life I was told about how im being a good child, of how I am brave for taking care of my sick mother and not leaving her behind like my father did. I was told about my courage, going through so many traumatic things at my job but not giving up.

I never really believed all those compliments.

I knew that I was smart in an academic way, but I didn't believe it was beyond that. And I certainly didn't think I was making any change in the world, at least not a positive one at that.

Taking care of my mother was the right thing to do, it wasn't about being brave and strong. If anything, I thought locking her away in an institution instead of nursing her myself felt like a failure more than an action worthy of praise .But most of all, getting praise for going through trauma was the weirdest one of all.

I realized quite quickly there was no point in arguing, and I should just nod my head even though my brain was screaming at me for being an imposter by accepting those compliments.

“You don't deserve all those kind words” the voices would tell me “you are nothing special”. I had no other choice but to believe those voices, and let them control me and my view on myself and my life.

But one day it changed. I believed the person in front of me telling me good things about myself. I believed them when they told me about my kind heart and warm hug. I believed that their laughter was genuine, and when they looked at me, I saw how their eyes were filled with honest adoration and longing to hear me talk. I have never felt that way, like I'm worthy of time and effort, but they made me believe that I deserve good things, and that I am good. I found myself craving to hear more praise from them, my soul burning to listen to them tell me about how they are happy to have me in their life. After spending all my life avoiding and hating compliments, I was finally accepting them.

The only difference this time was the person who gave them to me.

The day I met (y\n) was the day my life forever changed. they showed me the beauty in everyday things, they showed me the rays of sun who make their way through the cloudy sky. they were there for me when I needed them most, the taste of fresh water on the dry land my roots were in.

I never believed a person like them would ever grace me with their presence, and would choose to stay by my side. I was a damaged man, with too many battle scars and shattered pieces of ceramics instead of a heart.

But they saw beyond that. Every day when I got to hold them, to feel their warm touch on my cold body, another broken piece got mended back together. Like the art of kintsugi, they would take the shattered pieces and meld them back to one with gold. They helped me mold myself into a new and better man, without letting me forget my past.

“Our past will always be there to haunt us” they once said while sitting with me in the tub, washing my hair after days i refused to leave my bed. “Our past made us who we are now, and it shaped the way your soul is. But just because yours got broken, doesn't mean it can't be fixed” they placed their hands on my cheeks, wiping away the salty water that i couldn't stop. “We can mend the pieces back with gold and create new art. You can be greater than you've ever been” and with each kiss they placed on my puffy face, I felt more and more pieces shine with the bright resin.

My days were no longer filled with crime and horror, they had smiles and laughs. They had stolen kisses in between lectures and cheeky texts when both of us would stay late just to talk to the other. The hour didn't matter to us, time never felt real when it came to the two of us. We were in a universe of our own, lost in the eyes of the other and in the promise of love. We both made constant efforts to feel each other physically more often. When I came back from long cases I would go to their house before even dropping my suitcase back home. They would come to me on the bad days, and let me help them forget their troubles with my tongue and fingers. We were insatiable for each other, unable to breath without touch, unable to function without the intoxicating scent of the other. My favorite sounds became their soft crying of joy, the soft whimpers of lust who got absorbed into the walls of every place we joined bodies. My brain was clouded with thoughts of their naked body, but no matter how good my memory was, it never compared to seeing it in person.

Soon enough the physical distance between us was unbearable. After a few short months of dating I was carrying my boxes into a new place. A place that we could fill with new memories and paint the walls with colors that could represent our shared future. It was the happiest I've ever been in my life, and I hoped that the love and lust would never end. I began working as a professor full time and only consulting on cases, so that I would never have to spend a night without their warm body molded into mine. Some nights when I got home, they greeted me by falling to their knees, and helping me release my stress into the warmth of their mouths. On others, it was a warm meal that waited for them, even if the hour they came home was when I already slept. We would always think of small ways to make the other happier and calmer, no action was small enough, even a simple pinky promise was the world. “I promise to always love you” i said while holding their small finger “i promise to always make you happy” they repeated with a smile.

Small decorative items found their way into our place, and now, when I pack my things to leave the place I once called home, I can't help but think about all the beautiful moments they represent. The glass vase where we placed the flowers they bought me to celebrate my last day as an active agent was placed on the wooden table, the same table we bought after we broke the previous one on a long night of lust. I looked at the bookcases, overflowing with shared interests and the ones I never understood why they enjoyed. The small astrology book is laughing at me from his place, reminding me of when the stars deemed us uncompatible. Maybe if i listened to the advice of the purple book, i wouldn't have to stand here and feel the constant dread of losing the greatest love i've ever had.

Walking through the house, I looked at every corner where I once made them mine. When my mouth latched onto their skin and changed the color to beautiful shades of pink and purple. But now, instead of seeing myself holding them in my arms, I saw the other person who claimed their body. There was once a time when I was the person they wanted close, I was the one who could bring them to the edge of euphoria and back, but those times are gone and now it's my time to leave.

My head spins as I try to leave our small shared space. My body refuses to let me go, my soul is begging me to fight and stay with the person who helped me feel human again. Every blood cell that is pumping his way into my shattered heart is whispering how I can fix it all once again, how the gold resin can come back and I will have my person back by my side.

But my body is wrong, and my brain knows better. The same brain that knew all along that I was never really worthy of the angel who let me call them “mine”. My brain always told me that I am worthless and a burden, but those voices disappeared with the silk sound of (y\n) voice telling me I am worthy. And now, when they are no longer here, those voices are back again, and with them resurfaces all the thoughts and feelings I was afraid of.

“It was always going to end this way” the voices whisper “you know it was too good to last”. My suitcase falls from my hands, and my knees drop after it. My body betrays me again, freezing me in place on the carpet we picked on a weekend trip to the flea market.

“Why did you ever think you could keep them happy?” they continue “why did you think you could ever keep them satisfied?”

“Stop! Please! I know I am worthless!” i scream at the empty apartment

But the voices just laughed at me. “Everyone who is smart enough to leave, leaves you at the end. This is your destiny, to be alone. Pathetic man”

My mind is filled with pictures of the people who got a better life now that I am no longer in theirs. From my father, who knew in an early age that I am a disappointment, and ran away to get a future without me. I see elle, who showed me what it's like to feel wanted and desired, who helped me to feel like a man for the first time and held all the secrets to a happy future for me, until she also disappeared.

“Look at you, sobbing on the floor of the person who cheated on you, like a lost child” their cruel words continued, showing no mercy for my crying figure frozen on the ground “That's all you are at the end. A grown child who needs a hug, but no one wants to give him one”

I'm not sure how much longer I stay frozen on the carpet, hands hiding my face who was covered in tears that refused to stop. I don't remember most of the things the voices told me, at a certain point they all became the same word over and over again. Worthless.

The only thing that stopped my spinning head was the sound of a key entering a lock, and small steps following. My palms covering my face stopped me from seeing the person walking in, but I didn't need to see them to know who it was.

I didn't need my eyes to feel how my heart was broken to smaller pieces the moment they walked in. I didn't need my eyes to feel them crunching down to my level, reaching out their soft hands to touch my own, trying to make me reveal my face to them.

“Spencer? What's going on?”

Their hands kept touching my palms, moving to my fingers trying to intertwine mine with their own. When I refused their advances, their touch wandered back to my covered cheeks, and then to my hair. They played with the soft hair on my head like they always would when I was having a panic attack, like a cat would get her kitten to sleep. The kind soul in front of me wanted to make me feel better, even though I wasn't worth it.

After a few more minutes of silence, they spoke again. “Hey love, can you look at me? I want to help”

My hands softened and they managed to remove my shield, trying to look into my sad eyes, who were still closed. I refused to look at them, I refused to believe that this situation was real and that I didn't manage to leave before they were back.

I refused to believe that I even failed in leaving.

“Baby, please tell me why you're crying” I looked down at our joined hands, and wished I could keep their warmth with me forever. I Wished I could keep them by my side for a little while longer. No matter how selfish that thought was, and no matter how much I know that staying with me will only make them miserable.

“I- i..” my voice was broken, unable to speak the words that will end my life with them. But it needed to happen, I needed to be brave for once in my life and let them go. “I know about- about him” the warm touch that graced my hands disappeared, as the person i love stumbled backwards and fell onto the floor. “How?”

I slowly lifted my face, looking at their eyes. I could see sadness in them, but beyond anything, I saw relief. “Does it even matter y\n?” the voices in my head kept laughing at my stupid attempt of saving my honor, not that there was much left to save. “He obviously makes you happier than me. I just wish you would tell me sooner so i could leave and let you be free”

“It's.. its not like that spencer” I wish i could laugh at that, i wish i could believe them when they told me it was only physical, i wish i could let them repair my broken heart once again. But all the lies I wanted to tell myself were useless. I could see how brighter their smiles were in the past few weeks and how they seemed lighter and happier. But the beautiful angel that sat in front of me couldn't tell me that, they couldn't be the executioner and open the trapdoor who takes me to my death. They wanted to spare me the pain and humiliation, but it was too late for that.

“Please, whatever you do, just- just Dont lie to me. You owe me that” They sighed in defeat, crossing their legs and sitting with me on our red carpet, soon to be only theirs. Our eyes looked into each other, saying words none of us dared to speak. We said goodbye in silence, we looked back at our happy memories and thought when did we become so far away that we stopped making new ones.

“So this is the end of us?” The tears that were stuck in my throat came out again, damping my already puffy cheeks. How could they ask me that? How could they think we could continue with our life when I know they have someone else who holds them better than me?

“I think it has to be. But can I ask you one thing?”

“Anything”

“Why y\n? Why go behind my back? Why not be honest with me?”

A sad smile appeared in their face, and in the few minutes that took them to answer me, my own voices answered the question for them. “It's fun to hurt you spencer” the voices said “that's the only joy you could ever bring to someone else, by being a doll to get their anger out on”. I hoped that i would woke up from this nightmare and find my lover sleep next to me on the bed, that i could cuddle up to them and smell the comforting scent of their skin. But I couldn't, they weren't mine to hold anymore. But the voices stopped torturing me the moment my savior spoke again.

“I didn't mean it to happen, it started as a friendship that developed into something more. I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn't stay away from him. He gave me things i always wanted and couldnt get from you, he loves me the way you never could”

This was the end of us.

I got up from the floor, while they remained sitting, looking at me with eyes filled with sorrow. My suitcase suddenly felt lighter, and my legs could move again. I carried myself to the closed door, to leave the place I called home behind me and start on a new life. I wasn't alone, my demons were back with me and they were always going to stay by side.

With my back to the person who once saw me as their universe, I spoke to them again, probably for the last time.

“Goodbye y\n. I'll come back to take my things when you're not around”

They did not grant me an answer, not that I deserved one anyway.

The heavy thud that the door after I closed it made its way into my heart, and I think I will forever hear it echoing through the now empty rooms.

“It was always meant to be this way spencer” the voices laughed cruelly “now it's just us again, just like the world always wanted”

tell me what you think here!

[stydiaeverafter]

The eternal silence of beauty

Summary: It had been over five hundred years, and yet Druig could still imagine Makkari's radiant smile, even with his eyes wide open. Hidden moments of connection between Druig and Makkari.

A/N: If you're reading this, you, like myself, have most likely become obsessed with this pair. I loved Eternals, and Drukkari was a blessing I didn't see coming. The moments we had with them, last in my mind and have inspired me to write again (after a long dry spell). I wanted to add more moments we didn't get to witness; those quiet hidden moments and feelings revealed in the aftermath of the Emergence. Enjoy!

Read on ao3

***

Beauty was all around him—in the form of how the water flowed down the jagged hillside to the vibrant wildflowers blossoming in spring. But nothing ever conquered Druig's perception like his beautiful Makkari.

It had been over five hundred years, and yet Druig could still imagine Makkari's radiant smile, even with his eyes wide open.

When Druig had left his family long ago, he did so with a heated vengeance; it was his calling, a purpose only he could answer.

He never regretted that choice to go his own way, but the one thing Druig did regret was not asking a mere question: "Makkari, will you come with me?"

Creating a family of humans was nothing without her. It was his mistake, his burden, and ultimately, his undoing.

Haunted by this question, Druig dreamed of it repeatedly, seeing Makkari's answering smile of light and love. Even more, Druig could recognize the acceptance she held to who and what he was, even though she no longer stood by his side.

Eternal loneliness was a dagger to his heart, and so often, Druig felt there had been a glitch in his creation.

The others had a touch of light and openness to those around them—Druig didn't have that ingredient in his system.

Druig felt the Eternals were trivial with their orders, while the humans whined as they fought for power in meaningless and painful ways.

Makkari was the light within the darkness that surrounded him. The first moment he had seen her lovely smile, it had taken his breath right out of his lungs as if she had run away with it.

What made Druig happy was that he and Makkari gravitated towards each other effortlessly, naturally. In truth, they had fun with their powers, especially when being mischievous. To them, it's what made immortality worth living.

The two always had this unique bond, one that the others never actually noticed.

Ajak was busy mothering and directing their actions. Sersi and Ikaris had fallen into their own world together. Thena had always been looking for a threat to fight. Gilgamesh was their protector when they needed it the most. Phastos was felicitously squandered within his creations. Kingo was occupied with staring in the mirror, quoting phrases that no one understood. And Sprite was incessantly whining, which Druig did sympathize.

Druig had enjoyed ruffling each one of their feathers when he could, especially Ikaris, the second in command to Ajak—the Golden Soldier. He was well aware he drove them all crazy, except for Makkari.

He never ventured to piss her off; instead, he preferred teasing her—his secret way of communicating, which always had resulted in Druig's desire to flirt with her.

She had a particular smirk only for him, and he savored witnessing it whenever in her captivating presence. Makkari would frequently swat at his arm playfully, not even needing to sign. They had their own language, one only they knew, and Druig was thankful for that.

He had continually been so grateful that at least one person could recognize him, and Makkari saw him effortlessly.

So all these years without her felt like a deep-sized hole within his heart. No matter who Druig mind-controlled in a world of peace he created, no one could fill her void.

Today was different, though. Today was the beginning of something Druig hadn't controlled.

His eternal family had reappeared at his Amazon rainforest doorstep.

However, it wasn't a happy reunion on his part. The first person Druig searched for wasn't there. Disappointment and anger started flowing through his veins; Druig wanted nothing more than to boot them all away.

Had they truly left Makkari on her own? That beautiful, beautiful soul. The pain of that abandonment pierced at his immortal heart.

Druig couldn't comprehend why they had separated so long ago, but even more so, why without taking that burst of sunshine along.

"Where is she?" He beckoned with his eyes, not saying the demand out loud.

They explained the Deviants were returning to earth, and now they were scouring the lands to find each other after centuries apart. It was a calling and curse to find a solution to the problem, and perhaps their time to go home was one step away.

As they battled the Deviant, however, they sadly lost his brother Gilgamesh. At that moment, Druig felt desperate, an emotion he didn't feel for anyone else, to find Makkari as soon as possible.

After so long, he was going to be reunited with her, his long-lost other half. Maybe just maybe, he'd also be able to tell her the truth of how he felt...if she didn't already know it. Druig just prayed she felt the same. There was something deeper there between them, with their hidden glances, gentle touches, and unspoken connection.

Makkari was always running, searching for something, somewhere; he hoped she could finally discover what she desired in being with him. Druig would give her the world, his existence, if only she'd let him.

For Druig already knew what he yearned for above all else. It wasn't mind-control or power; it was seeing her smile again. She was his home. His peace. His light. His reason for every question he ever had or would have. She was everything and more in this eternal silence of life.

His beautiful, beautiful Makkari.

[free-pool-trash]

happiness - peter maximoff

yay a new peter fic <3 i was feeling a little unmotivated for a few days (since our boy wasn’t in episode 8 at all :/) but im back 😎 although im back in school so i might be on and off for a while 😩✋🏻

!!!it’s not a songfic those lyrics at the start are just my inspo!!!

word count: 5k <3 😳

warnings: maybe swearing but i dont think so i cant remember, peter being sad, angst, but mostly fluff, WandaVision spoilers maybe??? I pretty much made up this plot so idk, endgame spoilers, reader was an avenger, kissing but it’s not graphic😽 probably some mistakes yk how it is

feedback is appreciated <3

tagging: @enchantedcruelsummer (should i make a peter maximoff taglist? let me know and I’ll do it)

masterlist

haunted by the look in my eyes that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

leave it all behind

& there is happiness

Loneliness had always been something that plagued him. That and a plethora of other negative emotions.

There wasn’t a day that went by where Peter Maximoff wasn’t made to feel like a loser. Admittedly, he’d never held himself to a high standard, he grew up thinking that he’d never fit in anywhere and eventually that thought mutated into a lifestyle as he began isolating himself from the world around him, either far too good or heartbreakingly not enough to be a part of that crowd.

He liked spending time with himself. Nobody else knew him the way he knew him, and still, he found nothing but an overwhelming hollow space where his deepest most important hopes, aspirations, dreams and self discoveries should have resided.

Peter had always put this feeling of exile down to the fact that he was a mutant, it was the most likely explanation, right?

It was only when he’d decided to join the X-Men that he finally came to the conclusion that maybe the rest of the world wasn’t the problem, nor was his mutation the problem, but that he himself was the problem. For even in a school full of people exactly like him he was still the same loser that he was in his mother’s basement.

And he was under no illusions that that was exactly what his teammates saw in him; nothing. No potential. Just a space holder to bring the numbers up.

Super speed was incredible. That’s how Peter acknowledged jobs well done, he praised his speed but never himself. He just saved Charles and Erik from a room full of armed guards? No that wasn’t him, that was simply his speed. He saved an entire mansion full of people from a potentially fatal explosion? Nothing special, Kurt probably could’ve done the same.

Forget all of the good deeds and saved lives because the bottom line of it all, to him at least, was that all he was good for was cheeky one liners and hopeless kleptomania.

His life took a turn for the worse when he found himself being mind controlled in an alternate universe. And even then, he was playing the part of someone that wasn’t him, the thought humbled him, reconnected him to his roots and reintroduced him to his life long philosophy that he’d never be anything more than a social pariah. Not even an alternate reality could accept him for who he was. There wasn’t a warm welcome and despite not knowing what was going on, the definition of “imposter” or the weirder, “recast”, still shot to kill.

He settled on the notion that he was an inter dimensional waste of space. At least in WestView he could be blissfully ignorant, let the real him be drowned mercilessly in favour of being an integral part of someone’s life- to feel important, even if it wasn’t real.

When WestView fell apart he was completely lost. In every sense of the word. In a new world with no way home and as it turned out, nobody was looking for him. Although he didn’t expect anyone to care, it still stung that nobody did. He always hoped that one day Erik would step up as a father figure for him, this; getting kidnapped and smuggled into a different dimension, seemed like the perfect moment for that epic father son moment, but it wouldn’t surprise Peter if his father has yet to notice his disappearance.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, he came into contact with a beacon of hope. A guiding star that might possibly lead him to an existence consisting of something other than misery and self loathing.

It offered him a choice; return to being the self proclaimed loser he was known as or start fresh as someone new and mysterious, with first impressions yet to be made and conclusions about him yet to be drawn. Peter had known himself to be rash in the past, when it came to making decisions he had the tendency to act impulsively, never putting too much thought into how his decisions would affect his life in the long term. The choice before him now is no different, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward, however selfish the choice may have been, the second he realised it was an option his heart was set on it.

That previously mentioned beacon of hope arrived to him in the form of a girl, in the form of you. An ex-avenger and close friend of Wanda’s, you were hired by S.W.O.R.D to help them clean up the more ‘sensitive’ fallout that the fall of WestView brought about. Obviously, they were sticking you- the only other avenger with magik- on babysitting and rehabilitation rather than letting you go after your best friend who had gone completely off the rails. Having said that though, you didn’t want anyone else handling him.

You hadn’t watched WandaVision, nor were you even aware that any of it was going on until it had reached a boiling point and you got a call from Monica Rambeau, she’d begged you to come and wait on the edge of town while she went in and act as her eyes on the outside along with Jimmy Woo.

That’s where you stayed until the hex broke down.

As soon as the barrier came down the base you manned was overrun by an armada of terribly confused and distressed citizens, Monica and Wanda were not among them but in their places stumbled in Darcy and the man playing the role of Pietro.

Jimmy appointed himself to Darcy, who in all honesty seemed relatively unscathed by the situation while you made a beeline for the dirty blonde charading as your former, dead teammate.

Peter was, to put it simply, completely enthralled by you as soon as you’d strolled over to him and in the moment he’d put his almost magnetic attraction to you down to the fact that you were the first friendly face he’d seen upon breaking free of Agatha’s possession.

But one thing in particular struck him; you’d asked him his name. You hadn’t immediately assumed him to be some knock off Pietro, as everyone else had. You acknowledged that he had his own personal identity and despite how often he caught himself hating the person he was, he found that when it was torn away from him that he wanted it back. The simple question you posed gave him the opportunity to regain his identity.

“Peter. My name is Peter.” He answered you, almost unsure of himself and you found your interest in the man piqued even further.

He remembered with perfect clarity the way you’d offered him a grin, tilted your hand, extended your hand and said, “Well it’s nice to meet you, Peter. Come on, I’ll be your babysitter for the next while.” There was something about the way you’d laughed after saying the words and the slight, yet unmistakable, glint of mischief in your eyes that had him captivated from the get go.

With you came a whirlwind of new emotions. After only a few weeks of knowing you, Peter noticed he wasn’t as lonely as he had been back home. He didn’t hate himself half as much either, he wasn’t entirely free of self deprovative tendencies and maybe he never would be, but undoubtedly, he likes himself more in this world than he ever had in his last. He thanked you and your determination to make him “a functioning member of society” for that.

It didn’t feel belittling, the way you helped him. You hadn’t dragged him to your favourite mall every weekend just to taunt him about how he couldn’t stop himself from stealing something. Even the very first time, when he’d sped away from you and returned within a second adoring a pair of freshly stolen sunglasses. Your only reaction had been to laugh and casually place your hands on both sides of his face.

“At least remember to take the tag off next time, speedy.” You’d muttered, subtly pulling the tacky stickers off the arms of his shades. No, you weren’t dragging him sight seeing or forcing him to help you go clothes shopping because you thought he was a loser who needed reforming you were doing it because you were a true friend who wanted him to succeed.

The pair of you seemed like two peas in a pod. Which to be fair, you were. Peter Maximoff intrigued you in every sense of the word. He was new, quite literally other worldly, he was kind, he was funny, he was perfectly mischievous and completely wonderful.

What caught your eye the most was the way he held himself, as if he wasn’t entirely comfortable in his own skin. It became apparent to you that he lacked confidence with the phrases he usually tacked onto the ends of his sentences. When you’d invite him to hang out in the beginning his response would always be something along the lines of, “Sure. If you want me to.” But the excitable puppy dog eyes told you that he was dying for someone to want him to tag along some place.

There was a certain understanding between you. You were both more than accustomed with the harrowing feeling of being alone and even though you’d never exactly voiced those thoughts with each other, you couldn’t deny that his was a spirit kindred to your own and he felt it too.

Since the Avengers has disbanded, one of your best friends, Natasha, was dead and your other best friend, Wanda, was gone completely off the rails and the people chasing her wouldn’t let you anywhere near her or even attempt to help pull her out of her darkness. You were being kept as a wildcard in case they needed her taken down. Peter was no stranger to the feeling of being cast aside and so he quickly responded to your frustrations, and in doing so, forced himself out of his comfort zone to be there for you. To his complete shock though, you’d been so appreciative of his efforts.

You never failed to thank him for the little things he did for you, always complimenting his mutation when he’d use it and giving him the recognition he never received at home. The friendship he formed with you was so… two sided, again, something he wasn’t accustomed to before. It didn’t involve him giving everything he had to offer and receiving nothing in return, you matched his energy meticulously and never left him hanging.

In a series of firsts, he didn’t wonder whether or not you genuinely liked him, never feeling the need or want to question it as you’d left him with no reason to doubt.

As he walked around the mall with you now, his mind brought his attention back to the question you’d asked him rather casually a few nights ago. You were both lounging on your couch, watching some ridiculous reality show (a favourite of yours and Peter’s) when you’d turned your head to look at him, a thoughtful look on your face. “Do you think when S.W.O.R.D figures the technology out to crack into other realities, you’ll go back to yours?”

The question had taken him aback for a second, in all honesty, he hadn’t thought about going home, not when he was with you at least and considering he’d become your roommate about three weeks after he got out of WestView, the thought of returning to his old life had barely crossed his mind.

Being an ex-Avenger you were fairly well off, you lived alone in a two bedroom apartment in New York that you’d bought to be closer to Stark tower. Peter had nowhere to go and aside from having a spare room to offer you’d also been sort of lost in the current of the busy city with everyone you once loved in the area either dead, on the run or busy elsewhere.

While the question hadn’t crossed Peter’s mind, it had crossed yours on several occasions. He’d been staying with you for six months and the moment you realised that he was becoming one of the most important people in your life, the thought of him leaving you too weighed on your mind but at the end of the day you wanted him to feel happy. He deserved to feel happy and if going back to his reality brought him that happiness then you’d support him.

“Dunno,” he’d replied, turning to face you, chucking a handful of popcorn at you when you looked incredulous at his response, “To be honest I haven’t really thought about it, m’way too busy babysitting you anyway.” He joked, effortlessly dodging the few pieces of popcorn you attempted to throw at him.

For the last few nights, the question haunted him, but it wasn’t just the question that was bothering him. You were at the forefront of his mind as he replayed the past six months of his life which also happened to be the best six months of his life. WestView put him through hell but coming out the other side of it and meeting you felt like heaven.

He weighed up the pros and cons of returning to his native timeline. The cons: he’d have to leave you behind, he’d go back to being the loser who nobody took seriously, his talents would be downplayed and disregarded and he’d inevitably end up revisiting his lifestyle of solitude. Then there was the pros: he’d get to reunite with his pac man machine. He couldn’t manage to think up anything else.

If he stayed he’d have everything he ever wanted and needed. You’d be there and he knew you always would be, besides he couldn’t leave you knowing that you needed him. If he left who would wake you up when you had night terrors about the catastrophe that your reality was still recovering from? There would be nobody there to comfort you when you woke up from the nightmares, reliving the deaths of Natasha, Tony or Vision and the experience of being snapped out of existence? If he wasn’t there to make you laugh when you were about to cry then who would be? In his heart of hearts he knew you had a huge support system at your disposal, he’d met most of them. Even though he was well aware that Sam visited you as often as he could, that Bucky wrote you letters on a monthly basis and sometimes tagged along with Sam on his visits, that Stephen Strange appeared in your apartment whenever the urge struck him, that the literal god of thunder invited you out for beer whenever he was visiting Earth, that the little spider-kid, also named Peter, swung by your apartment at least once a week to tell you all about school and his good deeds. Despite knowing all of this and knowing all of these people loved you dearly, Peter wanted to be your main source of support, he didn’t want to be someone who came and went, who’d love you then leave you. He wanted to be with you through anything and everything and the feeling that you’d love him for a lifetime had him satisfied with the decision he was about to make.

If leaving his old life meant he could stay here, with you, and experience happiness for more than a fleeting moment then he’d simply; leave it all behind.

“I’ve been thinking about what you asked me the other night.” He spoke through a mouthful of curly fries. You were sitting in the food court of the mall when he decided to let you in on his desire to stay with you indefinitely.

You raised your eyebrow, “You? Putting thought into an answer? Peter, I think I’m starting to become a bad influence on you.” You told him teasingly, taking a long sip of your drink as he rolled his eyes humorously.

“You’re a terrible influence which is exactly why I’ve decided to stay here and put you on the straight and narrow.” The glee you felt at his statement was undeniable, your eyes lit up and your lips curled upwards.

“You’re staying? Really staying?” Your smile was contagious, Peter’s face now painted with a wide grin as he nodded his head.

In a moment of weakness he frantically added, “Y’know only if you want me to though. If you don’t that’s completely cool.” He rushed through the words, feeling more embarrassed when the fond look on your face never faded.

“Of course I want you to stay. You mean a lot to me.” You reassured him, a gentle smile on your lips as you reached across the metal table, intertwining your fingers with his.

Peter squeezed your hand gratefully, holding it in his grasp securely and allowing his smile to return to his face, “I know. You mean a lot to me too.” It was somewhat of an understatement, he was starting to understand that you didn’t just mean a lot, but that you meant everything.

His resolution lifted a huge weight off your shoulders that you wouldn’t be losing yet another best friend. You were glad he’d be with you when everything blew over with Wanda, the two of them definitely had the potential to develop a beautiful sibling relationship and they both deserved that. Of course, Peter would never replace Pietro and having known them both it was obvious just how different the two men were, the only thing they had in common being their powers and last name. Still, he and Wanda would still be able to work on it. He didn’t hate her after WestView and you knew Wanda well enough to know that she was kind hearted and she’d be more than willing to give him a chance. When she eventually comes back to her senses, that it.

As the months went on, life with you and Peter seemed to only get better. You never stopped laughing, your nightmares died down and Peter had taken on a whole new lease of life. Yourself and Peter were the perfect example of meeting the right person at the right time, you balanced each other out and accentuated the other’s good qualities.

Peter could now say with complete confidence that he was happy and what’s more is that he was finally sure that he was making someone happy.

Up until nearly eleven months of living together your relationship had been purely platonic, save for the constant flirting but flirtation pretty much ran in yours and Peter’s blood. Peter wasn’t going to lie to himself, he’d fallen for you the second you’d peeled the security tags off his stolen sunglasses.

You, on the other hand, had been fighting with yourself because yes, you love Peter but you couldn’t have told him when there was the possibility he’d eventually leave and now so much time has passed and you’ve got such a good thing going you didn’t have it in you to ruin it.

However, all of that changed when your original Maximoff best friend came knocking on your door.

Wanda was on the run. She’d caused an amazing amount of chaos but Stephen Strange and S.W.O.R.D were hot on her trail and now she needed a place to lay low with the twins. She figured there was no place more reliable to go than to the always open arms of her best friend, who conveniently had a divinity for earth magik and could muster up a protective barrier without raising suspicions. And that’s exactly where she found herself; outside your door.

You’d been chasing Peter around the apartment when you heard the knock on the door. Peter was on the opposite end of the kitchen to you, using the bar as a shield from you. “You better get that.”

“Oh you’d like that wouldn’t you?” You glared as you spoke, it was his own fault really. What sort of idiot jumpscares a witch while she’s mid-meditation? He’d frightened you so badly you accidentally blasted a ball of your signature green energy and ruined your favourite couch throw pillow. When you were ready to pounce on the scared speedster the knocks sounded again, more frantic this time.

With one last glare towards Peter you stomped towards the door. Your anger melted away completely when you saw her. Her hood was up and she looked completely exhausted, two small hooded little boys by her side.

“Wanda…” You breathed out, relief flooding your system at the sight of her alive. She didn’t get a chance to speak before your arms were pulling her against you tightly, hugging her as if your life depended on it. Wanda returned in your embrace, allowing herself to relax for the first time in nearly a year, she sniffled against your shoulder, holding back tears as she realised how much she’d truly missed you.

Billy and Tommy watched in confusion as their mother cried into your shoulder. They didn’t know who you were, all their mother had told them was that they were going somewhere safe.

It was the yell of one of the boys that caused you and Wanda to separate, “Uncle P!” With that you felt a familiar rush of air across your leg but instead of Peter appearing one of the kids was gone.

You shared a perplexed look with Wanda, although your confusion was for different reasons.

“Hey hell raisers!” Peter responded, catching the mini speedster who all but threw himself at him barely regaining his balance before the other child had flung himself into the hug.

“Wanda? Those two… are they...?” You started, at a loss for words Wanda cut you off quietly, her tone as disbelieving as yours.

“My children? Yes. Is that…?” You nodded your head numbly, anticipating the end of her question.

“Your fake brother? Yeah.” Quickly, you realised you and a wanted woman catching up with the door wide open wasn’t ideal and you ushered Wanda inside, shutting the door when she walked in.

“Hey.” Peter greeted her simply, as if he hadn’t been used as a meat puppet in her altered reality. It wasn’t in his nature to hold any grudges.

“Hi?” Wanda replied, her voice still twinged with confusion.

“Peter, will you keep an eye on the kids for a bit? Wanda and I have some catching up to do.” You asked him with a nervous laugh, just thankful that Wanda was too tired to argue with your suggestion.

Peter ruffled the boys’ hair and gave you a grin, “Only if you stop trying to kill me.”

You rolled your eyes as you began to lead Wanda into your bedroom, “You’re on probation, jerk.” You called over your shoulder.

Once you were securely in your bedroom, the door locked and sitting comfortably you fixed Wanda with an amused look, “I’d ask you what’s new but I’m not sure I even wanna know.”

Wanda gave you a sad smile while she shook her head, “No, you probably don’t. I will tell you tomorrow, I don’t want to get into it tonight. I’m so tired.” She admitted, her voice overcome with sadness.

“I’ll pump up the air mattress and you and the boys can sleep in here for however long you need. I’d offer you the spare room but that’s where Peter’s been staying and I don’t think empty food containers are the kind of decor you’d be into.” Wanda nodded, squeezing your hand gratefully.

“So his name is Peter?” She asked, curious about the man Agatha had used to trick her in WestView.

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Peter Maximoff, actually.”

Wanda’s brows came to a furrow at that, “Maximoff? So he’s a relation?”

“Yes and no. Peter is from a different reality but he’s still a Maximoff and he’s got super speed. So, and this is just my theory, while you’re not directly related he could still be your brother- if you wanted him to.” You explained, as gently as you could, not trying to push her too far but to nudge the idea in her direction.

Wanda, to your surprise, didn't seem to hate the suggestion, “What is he like?”

A genuine smile made it onto your face then, as you shot into your description of your roommate, “He’s caring, funny, a little bit of a kleptomaniac but he’s working on it. He’s understanding and moronically selfless, moronic in the sense that he doesn’t even realise he’s being selfless. Huge pain in the ass too.” Wanda had a soft smile on her face by the time you’d finished.

“You like him.” Was all she said and you let out a laugh in disbelief, standing up and opening the door.

“Go grab a shower. I’ll have Peter blow up the air mattress while I go introduce myself to my god sons.”

“I thought you’d at least wait until I actually asked you.” Wanda laughed as you walked out of the room.

Things moved fairly quickly after that. As promised you introduced yourself to Billy and Tommy as their god mother, which they seemed more than thrilled about and you assumed that excitement had to do with whatever description of you Peter had given them. Wanda and the twins were all cleaned and fed and had all but collapsed into bed, foregoing the air mattress and huddling together in your double bed instead.

“Where are you sleeping, mother Teresa?” Peter teased as he noticed your eyes drooping where you stood.

“On the couch probably. Or the air mattress.” You mumbled, cutting yourself off with a yawn.

Peter, unimpressed with your options, scoffed, “No way. Come on, you can bunk with me.”

Much like Wanda, you were too tired to argue and you let Peter pull you to his, surprisingly clean, room by the hand.

You both crawled into the bed, lying close together despite the amount of empty space on the mattress.

“How are you feeling about all of this?” Your soft voice broke through the silence and Peter turned his head to look at you.

“About Wanda?” You nodded your head, watching him intently as he rolled onto his side, facing you more comfortably.

Peter shrugged lightly, “I’m feeling ok. Just glad the twins still see me as their cool uncle.” You let out a small laugh at his response.

“Wanda was asking about you. Seemed interested in getting to know the real you.” You informed him, your heartwarming as you watched a hopeful look fall across his face.

A lull settled over the room once again and Peter caught himself staring at you. His eyes drifted over every visible part of you, reminding him of most of the points on his pros list for staying in your universe; your eyes, your lashes, your nose, your lips, you.

“What’re you thinking about?” The sound of your tired voice pulled him out of his thoughts and ultimately pushed him to bite the bullet and tell you how he’s feeling. With you curled up beside him, in his bed, fighting sleep just to stay in his company for as long as you could; he knew there would be no better time.

“Just about how happy I am to be here with you.” He answered you honestly, the butterflies in both of your stomachs fluttering in sync at his words.

You trailed a hand under the duvet and onto the bedsheets between your bodies, feeling around until you found his hand and gently intertwined your fingers. “I’m happy you decided to stay.”

“What you’ve all gone through in this timeline sucks- don’t get me wrong-“ Peter started sincerely, scooting closer to you and dropping his head back down on the edge of your pillow, leaving the pair of you practically nose to nose as he went on.

“And I hate that Wanda had to go through so much… but I’m really glad that it led me to you.” Peter swore in that moment, right after the confession left his mouth, that he could die right now and be completely content knowing that you now knew how he felt.

His heart stopped, and he thought that maybe he was about to die, when you gave him the softest, sweetest smile he’d ever been on the receiving end of and whispered, “I feel the same.”

Time moved in slow motion as he felt you moving your intertwined hands towards your lips, your lips pressed gently against the back of Peter’s hand before you brought them to rest against your chest.

It was a fact to say that Peter Maximoff had never felt intimacy quite like this before. But, experiencing it now, with you, led him to wonder how he’d ever survived without it. He wasn’t sure whether it was natural to crave more, especially when the affection you were showing him was so gentle, but he didn’t care as he let the impulsive side of him take over.

Not sparing another word, Peter closed the small distance between your lips and his. His free hand cupped your jaw while yours wasted no time in getting tangled in his silver hair.

His lips moved softly and surprisingly slowly over yours and he savoured the feeling of your hand holding his while your other got lost in his hair, your body pressed up against him, the way your jaw moved against his palm as you reciprocated the movement of his lips and the taste of your lips, promising himself he’d never let the memory slip from his mind for as long as he lived.

With complete clarity, Peter could say he had felt true, genuine happiness and he had no doubt in his mind that there was absolutely nothing Charles, Hank, Scott or anyone else from his original timeline could say to make him leave this happiness behind. Because in the process of forgetting his old life, he couldn’t deny that he has undoubtedly found himself in the position of a man who had so much more to live for.

[warriorsbutnotreally]

Why Squirrelflight And Finleap Are NOT The Same - Discussion

I have a lot of opinions on this, do bare with me

because I can say now

if you put Squirrelflight asking Bramblestar about kits on the same level as Finleap pressuring Twigbranch

Assume I don't like you

Unless you have a legitimate reason to compare a domestic abuse victim to someone who was actively manipulating his mate to consider having his babies so that he felt 'like he could stay with her', I don't care what you have to say

Because there's a big difference and it's a little thing called context and power dynamics

That being said

disclaimer that I am aro/ace, so this is coming from the lens of someone who doesn't understand romance but knows a bad situation when I see one

///

tw; mentions of abuse and manipulation

Let's start with Finleap

As apprentices he has a cute friendship with Twigbranch and it's implied the two like each other as a little more than friends, though Twig doesn't seem ready for that commitment just yet

We first see the topic of kits come up in this conversation.

“I know.” Finleap spoke softly. “It’s scary having so much responsibility. And these are our first apprentices. But it’s okay for us to make mistakes and it’s okay for them to make mistakes. We’re learning together.” “But I’m supposed to know what to do.” A lump sat in Twigbranch’s throat like a stone. “Why?” Finleap wove around her and stopped as he caught her eye. “You’re a great warrior, Twigbranch. And you’re kind. You don’t have to stop being kind just because you’re a mentor. Trust your instincts. Push Flypaw when she needs pushing, but encourage her too. You must know how good a little encouragement can feel when you’re facing something new and difficult.” There was warmth in his gaze that touched Twigbranch’s heart. He really cared whether she’d be a good mentor. He wanted her to succeed. She purred and touched her nose to his. “Besides,” he went on, “mentoring will teach us patience. Imagine what good parents we’ll be when we have kits.” When we have kits! Twigbranch pulled away. Finleap’s gaze was misty. Was he really thinking about having kits already? They weren’t even mates yet. Twigbranch wasn’t ready to be tied to the nursery. She was barely ready to think about having a mate. She changed the subject. “Let’s check the border.” She didn’t want to hurt Finleap’s feelings. “Flypaw! Snappaw! This way!” she called to the apprentices, scanning the bracken until they appeared, then turned and headed along the trail toward ShadowClan’s border.

It's important to note the obvious negative reaction she has, even outside of her own thoughts. She was perfect fine with touching him until kits are mentioned. She's also quick to change the topic.

It's also implied here and in a couple other places that they hadn't even had this conversation before, as it's sprung onto her without any warning.

And if you don't believe me, consider this paragraph -

His confidence soothed her. He seemed so sure of himself. Even when he’d been pulling Puddleshine free, he’d known he could do it. He was sure they’d be mates too and that they’d have kits one day. And the thought didn’t scare him. Anxiety wormed beneath Twigbranch’s pelt. Then why does it scare me?

Twigbranch isn't ready for kits and the fact Finleap is shows that they're not seeing eye to eye on the issue. He's confident he wants to be a father, but she's not sure she wants to be a mother just yet.

He wants her to be on the same page, even if she isn't ready.

“I like it here, but I don’t feel like I belong.” Finleap glanced at his paws. “Which is why I want to start a family. Here, in ThunderClan. Then I’ll feel part of the Clan. I’ll feel like I have something here that is truly my own. I want to have kits.” “Kits?” Twigbranch’s mouth was so dry, she could hardly speak. Finleap watched her, his gaze expectant. “But you know how I feel about kits,” Twigbranch blurted. “I’m not ready. I want to concentrate on mentoring. I’ve told you all this.” “I know.” Finleap held her gaze. “But I need you to think about it again. I have to feel I belong here—that you want me. If you don’t ever want to have kits with me, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel at home in ThunderClan.”

"If you don’t ever want to have kits with me, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel at home in ThunderClan."

That's a really shitty thing to say to someone especially your bestfriend / girlfriend

"I'm worthless here unless you give up part of your young adult life to providing me with children"

This isn't even a Fernsong situation where he offers to live in the nursery when she's able to go back out. No. He wants her in the nursery with her kits.

.

Next time we see these two

.

She glanced at Finleap, wishing he would say something encouraging. “I’m glad Bramblestar picked us. What if it’s the last chance I get to see Violetshine and Hawkwing?” Please tell me everything will be okay. “I thought kin wasn’t important.” There was bitterness in his mew. Twigbranch flinched. Since he’d told her he wanted to have kits, Finleap had been distant. She always seemed to be the one to start conversations, while he only replied in short, vague phrases. Her heart ached, but what could she do? Promise to be his mate? Give up mentoring Flypaw so that she could have his kits? Anger pricked at her belly. He was pressuring her into something she didn’t want yet. But she loved him, and she could understand that he was acting out of unhappiness. If only he could find his place in ThunderClan. She’d planned to keep stalling—refusing to give him a straight answer—to give him time to adjust. But what if SkyClan left? It would force him to make a decision. Clan or kin? She changed the subject. “I hope Reedclaw has recovered from her cough.” Finleap didn’t respond.

Now Finleap is giving her the cold shoulder, being such a piss-ant about her not wanting kits that he's not even willing to comfort her when both their families might be being chased away.

And moments later

Twigbranch was unnerved. Sparkpelt had been her mentor. Had she always wished SkyClan would leave? Why didn’t I realize? “Do you think the other Clans feel the same way?” Finleap shrugged. “If they do, then SkyClan will have to leave.” Her mouth grew dry. Hearing Finleap say those words out loud made her realize that she hadn’t truly thought it was possible until now. But he was right—SkyClan would have no choice but to leave if none of the Clans were on their side. “I really might never see Hawkwing and Violetshine again.” Finleap didn’t speak. Didn’t he care? “Will you go back with them?” She stared at him, her heart pounding. “I don’t know.” He avoided her gaze. Was she going to lose her kin and her love at the same time? What would be left if they went? Feeling sick, Twigbranch followed her Clanmates to the tree-bridge.

Not only does he voice her fears out loud, but he doesn't deny that he'd stay with her if she isn't with him. This is a manipulation tactic and a very shitty and terrible one that that for him to use again the girl he allegedly loves.

.

At the end of the gathering -

“SkyClan!” Leafstar called to her Clanmates from the long grass. Harrybrook and Macgyver hurried after her. “We must go,” Hawkwing mewed huskily. He turned away. Twigbranch gazed frantically at Violetshine. “Is this the last time I’ll see you?” “I don’t know.” Violetshine touched her muzzle to Twigbranch’s. Her breath was warm in the chilly night air. “It’s up to Leafstar now.” “Good-bye.” Twigbranch could hardly speak. Her throat tightened as Violetshine pulled away and headed after Hawkwing. As she turned back to her Clanmates, she saw Finleap. He was watching Plumwillow and Sandynose disappear into the grass. She hurried to his side. “Did you say good-bye?” He didn’t answer. The sorrow in his gaze pierced her heart. “Are you planning to go with them if they leave?” She felt numb. He stared at her. “I love you, Twigbranch. But if you don’t want to have kits, I should go with my kin. At least I’ll be somewhere I belong, instead of chasing a dream that might never come true.”

His wording is honestly just terrible.

His dream with Twigbranch is only to have children with her. He may say he loves her, yeah, but according to himself, he's willing to leave her forever just because she's isn't committed to the idea of having babies with him.

I want to say this now

If someone you like is willing to ditch you because you don't want to raise a family, be it at the moment or ever? Leave them. They're not worth it.

You shouldn't feel obligated to have a family with someone.

.

After SkyClan leaves, Finleap decides to stay in ThunderClan.

Of course, his pity party isn't over.

In the days since SkyClan had left, Finleap had seemed uneasy. They’d talked after the Gathering and he’d decided to stay in ThunderClan. Twigbranch had been relieved. Of course Finleap was upset at losing his kin, and at first she’d tried to be supportive, but it was like he was clinging to the loss. He’d started to act as though he’d made the wrong choice. He’d begun to eat alone and go to his nest early instead of sharing tongues with the Clan. He was acting like an outsider. Frustration itched beneath Twigbranch’s pelt, growing stronger each day. How could Finleap ever feel like part of ThunderClan if he didn’t try to fit in? At least he’d stopped talking about having kits. Had he really accepted that they wouldn’t have kits until they were both ready? Twigbranch wasn’t sure the matter was settled. Part of her wondered if Finleap wished he’d left with SkyClan after all.

This is where communication between the two is an issue.

Of course Finleap is going to be upset that his family is, as far as he knows, gone forever.

However

He never once clarifies that he's only upset about his kin to Twigbranch, his girlfriend, making his breakdown seem torn between missing his family and not liking the idea that the girl he likes isn't ready to have babies yet.

Not only that, Twigbranch has a huge point here.

Finleap claims kits will make him feel like he belongs in ThunderClan. However, outside of Twig and the idea of kits, he hasn't done much to try to bond with anyone in the Clan. Even outside of the conversation about kits, he mostly interacts with his apprentice unless he's out helping someone.

He's not focused on making friends, or being a great ThunderClan warrior. His only focus is having a family with Twigbranch and nothing else.

Granted we don't see his POV, but we do his actions and what he says to the cats he apparently cares about.

Her talk with Tree expresses more of her concerns with her relationship while they're out trying to find SkyClan.

Twigbranch followed his gaze. “I can’t imagine having kits,” she mewed guiltily. “Finleap wants to already, but I’m not ready to give up being a warrior.” “You don’t have to give it up,” Tree reminded her. “Queens only stay in the nursery until their kits are weaned, don’t they?” “I guess.” Was she being selfish, wanting to focus on herself? “But I don’t want to worry about that yet. I like being a mentor. I’m learning so much every day.” “You’re young,” he mewed gently. “There’s no rush.”

For the first time she's being told that it's okay that she doesn't need to feel ready and that there's nothing wrong with taking her time on deciding what she wants.

Of course this leads to-

“Well done!” As Twigbranch purred admiringly, she saw Finleap padding toward them. He was carrying a bedraggled sparrow. It was skinny and looked more like crow-food than fresh- kill. He stopped beside Flypaw and laid it on the ground. “I was thinking that we could share this . . .” He eyed the fat rabbit lying, half-eaten, between Twigbranch and Tree. “But I guess you don’t need it.” Anger hardened his mew. Twigbranch shifted uncomfortably. “I didn’t realize you were bringing me food. Tree just offered and I was hungry.” Finleap wasn’t listening. He was still staring at the rabbit. “I guess he knows where the best prey lives. This used to be his home. It’s easy to hunt when you know the territory.” Tree stared at Finleap coldly. “I could catch a rabbit anywhere.” “Did you used to catch rabbits to impress Violetshine?” Finleap mewed pointedly. “Or have you forgotten Violetshine?”

Immediately he's jealous of Tree because he was thoughtful enough to share a rabbit. And Warriors has shown us that there's nothing inherently romantic about sharing prey. It happens all the time and not specifically between mates or two courting cats.

It's a common social interaction between Clan cats.

But Finleap's acting like he caught them sharing a nest.

Tree had been hard on him, but Finleap had picked the fight. She couldn’t help feeling sorry for him, even though he was acting like a fox-heart. She hurried across the cave. Finleap was sniffing at the bedding, his pelt bristling. “Oh, so you can tear yourself away from Tree?” Twigbranch blinked at him. “What are you talking about? Tree loves Violetshine!” He glanced at her angrily and padded out of the cave.

He accuses her of liking Tree and when she denies, he walks away.

She chases after him and then this argument goes down

He stopped as he reached a swath of heather and turned on her. “I bet you don’t even want to find SkyClan! You’re probably happy to see Violetshine gone now that you’ve made Tree notice you.” Shock froze Twigbranch. “Do you have you bees in your brain?” She stared at him. “How could you say something like that? I would never betray my sister. And I’d never make Tree try to notice me. I told you! He’s just a friend. And he wouldn’t do that to Violetshine, either!” “You haven’t left his side since we left camp,” Finleap snarled. “I’m leading the patrol, and he knows the way!” Twigbranch snapped. “Every time I look at you, your muzzle’s in his ear.” “We were just talking! I’ve got to talk to some cat. Ever since SkyClan left the forest, I feel like I can’t talk to you.” Grief pressed in her belly. “I don’t know why you stayed with me. You’ve made it pretty clear that you wish you’d left with SkyClan.” “I stayed because I love you!" Finleap spat. “You’ve hardly looked at me. If that’s love, I don’t want it!” She lashed her tail. “You don’t know what love is!” He glared at her accusingly. “Of course I do!” Why was he being so mean? “I love you!” “Not enough to have my kits.” She stared at him, wind tugging at her fur. “Is that it? If I won’t have your kits, you don’t want me?” “I want you to love me enough to have kits.” Hurt sharpened his gaze.

Again what he's doing here is shitty and he's being jealous of another tom talking to his girlfriend, despite this tom just being a friend, all because he's being nice to her

Not a good sign

And, of course, the apology just sucks. It comes out of nowhere and it doesn't feel like he earned the right to be forgiven

he hurt Twigbranch, made her doubt what she wanted, and treated her like shit

`“But I thought you loved me.” He sounded surprised. “You told Violetshine you loved me very much.” “I do,” she mewed softly. “But not enough to have your kits. Not now. Maybe not ever.” Finleap glanced at his paws. “Let’s forget about kits, huh?” She blinked in surprise. “Forget?” “I was wrong, Twigbranch. Seeing SkyClan again made me realize . . . however much I love my kin, I love you more. I don’t want you to have kits if you don’t want to. I can live without them. But I can’t live without you.” Twigbranch stared at him. “Do you mean that?” “Yes.” Finleap’s eyes shimmered with love. “I’ve been so wrapped up in feeling hurt, I didn’t realize how much I was hurting you—or how much I was hurting our relationship.”

Now, not every character needs a grand realization

But

I don't think just a simple "I'm sorry" makes up for how he made her feel and the harm he did to their relationship and the fact it took this long for him to realize that his girlfriend his her own cat and not just a kit-making factory.

And this is one part of a very long story

.

.

.

Now let's talk about Squirrelflight

Specifically Squirrelflight's Hope, but I will also make references to Omen Of The Stars, as that's when her worse breakup with Brambleclaw/star happened where

may I remind you

he ignored her and treated her like garbage for many moons and when he thought there was a chance she might die was when he finally decided to make amends for her horrible crime of

*checks notes*

protecting her sister's kits from a system that punishes not only halfClan kittens, but the kits of medicine cats

"but she lied" I hear you cry

and to that I say

and?

Bramblestar lied about much worse things than where three kits came from and, may I remind you, he trained in cat hell with his very obviously evil dad who he had been judged for being the son of.

And cats lie in Warriors all the time and it's very rare that they're punished for it

and no, saying you find her annoying also doesn't justify anything

The punishment doesn't match the 'crime' here.

So

Let's get into Squirrelflight's Hope

.

The first time kits are brought up is by Bramblestar, him talking about it in a negative light.

... She didn’t feel old yet, but it had been a long time since she’d felt the rush of excitement she used to feel in her first moons as a warrior, whenever she was picked to go on patrol or attend a Gathering. She pressed closer to Bramblestar. “Do you miss being young?” He shrugged. “I miss being irresponsible. Back then, the only thing we had to worry about was our next hunt. That was before we became leader and deputy, and before we had kits to look after.”

Obviously, Squirrelflight doesn't agree there

Squirrelflight felt a pang of longing. Sparkpelt and Alderheart were grown, and she’d never had a chance to know their littermates, Juniperkit and Dandelionkit, who had died. She’d been hoping to have a new litter by now—tiny kits to nurture and love. But they’d had no luck. “Having kits didn’t make me feel old. I liked the responsibility. It’ll be good to feel that way again.” She glanced hopefully at Bramblestar. When he didn’t comment, she prompted him. “Don’t you think?” “Of course.” He didn’t look at her. Anxiety prickled beneath her pelt. She’d wanted him to sound more enthusiastic about kits. “Let’s pretend we’re young again now. It’s almost like we’re sneaking out of camp.” Squirrelflight kept her mew light. “Half the Clan are already in their nests, and the rest will be asleep by the time we get home.” “I wish we could.” Was that a sigh in Bramblestar’s mew? “But we can’t be late for the meeting. And we have to go straight back to camp afterward; Birchfall and Lionblaze will be waiting to find out what happened.”

It's important to note now that Squirrelflight wants to feel young and wants to feel important, something that she doesn't feel now as an older molly.

Things have been serious lately and she wants to lighten the mood, but this is brushed off by Bramblestar.

It should be noted that the leaders - and not Squirrelflight - are talking about how their Clans need territory because they have expecting queens. Squirrelflight has an internal reaction, yes, but doesn't say anything.

Bramblestar's also being a hardass here and Squirrelflight does have a good idea, but he's quick to make her feel bad about it.

“Might be.” Bramblestar’s tail twitched angrily. “Or it might be overrun with snakes, or dogs, or foxes. Warriors might die thanks to your idea.”

There was no sign the gathering was leader only. If it was, why bring non-leaders? And everyone had been having an open discussion about possible ideas.

But Bramblestar shames Squirrelflight for trying to be helpful.

And of course, we start reaching this scene

“But we’d all have bigger territories if SkyClan moved.” Squirrelflight hurried after him. “And you heard Harestar and Leafstar. The Clans are growing. There’ll be more kits by newleaf, more mouths to feed, more apprentices to train—” “More kits!” Bramblestar lashed his tail. “Is that all you think about now?”

She's not talking about her own kits. She's literally referencing something previously brought up by two other Clan leaders. However, Bramblestar turns this against her, lashing out about an already dead conversation that didn't last.

A conversation that he had brought up both the first time and this time.

His words stung like claw marks. She watched him disappear into the grass, her chest tightening. “Don’t you think about it?” She pushed after him, but he was already hurrying ahead. He was on the tree-bridge by the time she caught up to him. She followed him over it and jumped onto the far shore. She fell in beside Bramblestar, breathless as she tried to keep up. “Don’t you think about kits, Bramblestar?” “I have kits,” he snapped. “Alderheart and Sparkpelt? They’re grown up now!” “I know!” Bramblestar didn’t look at her. “They’re old enough to look after themselves. Why are you so desperate to be responsible for new lives? Isn’t being deputy enough?” “It should be, but it’s not.” Squirrelflight felt panic welling. “I’m getting older with each season. One day I won’t be able to have more kits. I just want another litter before it’s too late.”

Not only did he run off after bring this conversation back, but he continues to shame Squirrelflight after he stops running, implying that she's not content being deputy.

She's worried because she's scared that she's getting older.

The fear of growing older is a common fear and brushing it off as someone being irrational isn't fair to the person.

and to get to the scene where she's "like Finleap" according to those people out there with pebbles instead of brains.

“I know.” Bramblestar sounded weary. “And of course I want kits. Just not as much as you do.” Squirrelflight stopped and stared after him. “Don’t you love me anymore?”

She's not asking this to guilt trip or manipulate. We'd be seeing signs of that way before this question.

Instead this is given the context of being asked in desperation.

I remind you that Bramblestar had spent an entire arc being harsh and cold to her, making her feel small, and he had been making her feel small again, berating her and having her question her ideas.

He's being a piece of shit and she's scared that this is going to turn into all those moons of OotS again.

Even if she was trying to, the power dynamic isn't in her favor. Not only is he older than her, having been made a warrior before she was even born, he's the leader. He has 9 long lives ahead of him.

As shown here she's painfully aware of it, too

Bramblestar turned, his eyes sparking with exasperation. “Yes! But I am responsible for our Clan. And if the other Clans are planning to start up more trouble with SkyClan, I need to focus on that. I don’t have as much energy as I used to. I’m getting older too.” “No, you’re not!” Anger flared in Squirrelflight’s chest. “You have more lives than me—” She broke off as a realization washed over her like ice water. Was that why he didn’t care about kits? He had plenty of time to have kits in the future, maybe even with another mate, when she was dead. The thought made her feel sick. Bramblestar’s next litter might have a mother who wasn’t her. She stared at him, unable to speak.

She doesn't put it past Bramblestar to move on after she's gone, despite his older age and that was also proof in Bramblestar's Storm, where he was actively interested in courting Jessy.

Her fears here are valid. Not only is she older, but she only has one life to live. He doesn't.

And he's perfectly in the right to not want anymore kits

However, his attitude and behavior to his mate is absolutely terrible and instead of talking to her, he's belittling her and making her feel bad for wanting things.

And for having different opinions at that

His gaze shimmered suddenly as though he saw her pain. “I’m sorry.” He hurried to her side and pressed his muzzle against her cheek. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I was angry. I felt you weren’t on my side at the meeting. I was trying to protect SkyClan.” “So was I!” She pulled away indignantly. “I was trying to find a solution that would keep the peace.” “Maybe you’re right. But that isn’t the point. You’re my deputy.” His tail twitched. “You’re supposed to back me up in front of the other Clans. We need to look united. You know how quickly Tigerstar smells weakness, and how he exploits it.”

Then why make her deputy again?

“And you did the ShadowClan border patrol.” Squirrelflight’s tail-tip was twitching, though she kept her voice low. “And yesterday you trekked all the way over to RiverClan and risked your life rescuing that kittypet.” “So?” Bramblestar began to feel frustrated. “I’m fine. It’s not a problem.” “It’ll be a problem for the rest of us if our Clan leader collapses from exhaustion.” Bramblestar heaved a long sigh. “Remind me why I chose you to be my deputy,” he muttered through his teeth. “Because I won’t let you boss me around,” Squirrelflight retorted, her green eyes flashing. True, Bramblestar thought ruefully.

Oh yeah, cause he doesn't want a yes-man deputy

Or maybe he wants a deputy who only challenges him when it's convenient and/or doesn't make him look like an idiot.

Which is kinda

not great

“It looks a lot like weakness when a deputy disagrees with her leader in public.” Bramblestar shifted his paws. “You should know better! You should have discussed your idea with me in private and we could have taken it to the other Clans together.” “It might have been too late by then.” Squirrelflight paused. She didn’t want to argue. And besides, the issue with SkyClan wasn’t what was worrying her now. “I’m sorry I spoke up without talking to you first. But is that really why you said you don’t want to have kits?” Bramblestar gazed at her, his eyes round. “I’m sorry if I made it sound that way. I do want to have kits with you.” “Really?” Her heart lifted. “Yes. If that’s what you want.” Squirrelflight stared at him. There was resignation in his eyes. Grief twisted her belly as he stared back at her blankly. She turned away. I want you to want it too.

Here's where the argument that Squirrelflight, in any way, is equal to Finleap falls apart the most.

She doesn't need to be told that he doesn't feel the same.

She can see it in the way he acts.

She knows he doesn't and she lets the conversation die. Yes, she still thinks about how Bramblestar may move on and have a new litter after she's gone, but she doesn't talk about it, instead keeping her thoughts to herself, not wanting to rock their unstable relationship any more than it has been.

Most of this book has Squirrelflight second guessing what she wants and believing that maybe she was in the wrong for talking openly about a possible idea when everyone else had been doing it.

There's literally a scene where she's having what, in my opinion, feels similar to the start of a near panic attack where her thoughts spiral into a dark pit

But it hadn’t been just the kits he’d been upset about. She’d contradicted him in front of the others. But they were close to fighting! Squirrelflight flicked her tail indignantly. And I have a right to my own opinion. Her plan for SkyClan could be the perfect solution. She couldn’t have held her tongue even if she’d wanted to. Bramblestar had implied that a good deputy would have kept quiet. She shook out her pelt. Was that what Bramblestar thought—that she wasn’t a good deputy? Hurt sharpened its claws on her heart once again. She closed her eyes. Chasing thoughts like this wasn’t going to help her feel better.

The way Bramblestar spoke to her struck so deep that Squirrelflight feels selfish for having her own wants, as seen by her talking to her sister.

Squirrelflight let out her breath. Never mind the awkwardness—Leafpool will understand. And she needed reassurance. “He said he doesn’t want more kits as much as I do.” Leafpool’s eyes rounded with sympathy. “Oh, Squirrelflight.” Squirrelflight nodded. “I know. It’s—” Selfish of me, she was about to say. Because I’ve already mothered two litters. But Leafpool didn’t let her finish. “That must have hurt,” Leafpool said softly, dipping her head. “I know how much you want another litter.” “Bramblestar says he’s getting old and that the Clan is enough responsibility.” She trailed into silence, the memory of the argument stinging her afresh. “I’m sure he’d love kits if you had them,” Leafpool mewed. “But I can see how he finds the thought overwhelming.” Squirrelflight blinked at her. “Do you think I’m being unreasonable, wanting more kits? I know I . . .” “No, of course not. But you already have Alderheart and Sparkpelt. And, in a way, Jayfeather and Lionblaze.” Squirrelflight nodded, but her heart ached. “They don’t need me anymore.”

The power dynamic between Bramblestar and Squirrelflight aren't fair and, again, he's in his right to not want any more kits right now

but the way he spoke and made her feel like her wanting kits at all was terrible and that she should feel bad isn't the way to handle a relationship where two people have two different wants

And for more proof that Bramblestar doesn't make his deputy, who is also his mate, feel important

we have this line

And as far as kits went . . . Leafpool didn’t understand what it felt like not to be needed. Leafpool was needed every day. The Clan depended on her, sometimes for their lives. It was different for Squirrelflight. Even as deputy, she was just one warrior among many.

She's made to feel like another warrior, a replaceable cog in a machine, when Bramblestar had never been made to feel like that while he was deputy

In fact, in Squirrelflight's own words

"Who does Brambleclaw think he is, treating me like I'm still wet behind the ears? Toms are so much trouble! You don't know how lucky you are, Leafpool, not having to worry about things like that. Well I know there was Crowfeather..."

After becoming deputy his confidence and ego went up and he made it known that he wasn't just another cat

He was ThunderClan's deputy

But he never allows his mate to feel like that

In fact, he actively puts her down

He starts making up rules just to keep her in place and lashing out when she tries to fight back. Even when Squirrelflight is trying to be happy that Sparkpelt is expecting kits, Bramblestar brings up their conversation.

Yes, Squirrelflight did feel a little envious, she felt guilty about feeling that way and just wanted to be happy for her daughter

but he was the one who brought up how she wanted kits and he didn't, further making her feel shameful

he didn't even aid in comforting his daughter when her pregnancy brought pain after he sparked the fight with Squirrelflight. He was just watching as Squirrelflight helped their daughter, Squilf being the one to talk to her gently when she was worried about the intense craps she was feeling

When Sunrise, one of the Sisters, is actively dying, he refuses to allow anyone to help her until the medicine cats talk to StarClan and when they get an unclear message, he's more than willing to let her die

When Leafpool refuses to allow this, he actively challenges the medicine cat in front of the entire Clan and Squirrelflight snaps to her sister's defense once more.

Squirrelflight held her ground. “I have to do what I think is right.” “Even if it costs you your Clan?” “ThunderClan is stronger than that,” Squirrelflight spat. “At least I hope it is. If our future depends on letting a cat die, then it’s not the Clan I thought it was.” Bramblestar stared at her. Uncertainty glittered in his gaze. “Why are you doing this to me?” His words pierced her heart. “You’re my deputy. You’re my mate. You’re supposed to support me.” “Being a good deputy doesn’t mean blindly following orders.” Squirrelflight didn’t move. “It means standing up for what I believe, and this time, I believe I’m right.” The camp seemed to swim around her. She knew she was hurting him. But she had to convince him. As the Clan watched her silently, their eyes round in the moonlight, Bramblestar backed away.

Bramblestar tries to manipulate her and that's where the big power dynamic comes in

he's the leader

he's older

he had gone out of his way many times to make her feel small and weak compared to him, even imposing reckless rules just to try to keep her where he wants her

he wants to use her emotions against her

and when she refuses to let him hurt her more

he strikes her with more sharp and hurtful words

Around him, the Clan got to their paws. Mousewhisker and Twigbranch helped Tempest and Hawk lift Sunrise. Leafpool nosed her way into the medicine den. Bramblestar narrowed his eyes, his face like stone. Squirrelflight tried to drag her gaze from his, her heart cracking as he curled his lip. “StarClan wanted unity among the Clans,” he snarled. “Thanks to you, there’s not even unity in ThunderClan anymore.”

“Thanks to you, there’s not even unity in ThunderClan anymore.”

because she didn't want an needless death, he blames her for the discourse he created

this is only a portion of the Squirrelflight mistreatment in this book, but it's all that I'm going to mention since it deals with the topic at hand

and of course we know she decides she doesn't need more kits after all

but what I want to say is

these two stories aren't even

Finleap is manipulative and tries to make Twigbranch feel like she needs to have his kits to prove she loves him or to keep him around

Squirrelflight wants to have more kits, but is made to feel like her needs are selfish and that she should feel bad for these feelings

Twig and Bramble are valid for not wanting kits just as much as Fin and Squirrel are valid for wanting them

However, Finleap isn't in the right for pressuring his girlfriend to marry him and have kittens when she isn't ready

and Bramblestar isn't in the right for shaming his mate for wanting more kits and making a scene out of their relationship problems

and before any incels find this

their genders wouldn't matter in this

if Finleap was a she-cat harassing the tom she liked to have kits with her to make her feel like she belonged in a Clan, I'd still feel the same way

if Squirrelflight was a tom who wanted more kits, but his female leader mate berated him and made him to feel guilty for wanting that, I'd feel the same

it's not about toms and she-cats, men and women, or whatever terrible black and white gender binary lens you're looking through

it's about two different types of shitty mates in two different situations

those being Finleap and Bramblestar and their manipulation of Twigbranch and Squirrelflight respectively.

[lubdubsworld]

Better Man.

              ~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC 

Rating 18 +

Angst. 

Implied Infidelity in the past. 

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time. 

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her. 

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles. 

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms. 

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face. 

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance. 

Us. 

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

 I was the one getting a  divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us )  and he had been the most kind man . 

I swallowed. 

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine.  It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over? 

 The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, "  I’m sorry,  Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

 But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again. 

So we had done the wise thing. 

At first a break.

 A few days apart to get our head on straight.  Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we  were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other. 

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation. 

People with children  didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.  

But, none of it mattered now. 

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real. 

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

 Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband. 

He would be  my ex -husband. 

i hated that word. 

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

 Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered,  angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved. 

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world. 

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer.  It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery. 

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior. 

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel. 

 I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

? 

It had been sheer luck that we had met.... 

In fact, if Jimin's  car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung  just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it. 

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight. 

 I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either . 

And I had fallen in love with that version of him. 

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him. 

 That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years.  So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order. 

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating. 

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. " 

 Whatever it was. 

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection  reduced to a phrase like that. 

What a pity. 

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably. 

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.” 

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly. 

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did  love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t. 

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung. 

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives. 

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.” 

And that had stuck with me. 

Walk out the first time. 

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time. 

 And so I had. 

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself.  “ I shouted. 

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down. 

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending. 

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight.  I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible. 

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes. 

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in . 

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative. 

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us  why.  

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue. 

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life. 

It wasn’t easy. 

From him,  it had been nothing but a mess of   heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give. 

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering. 

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare.  I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least  once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy. 

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning. 

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves. 

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this. 

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him. 

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him. 

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. . 

Of course, the customary hug. 

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine? 

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face. 

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

 Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them. 

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized.  “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him. 

“Okay .” I said casually. 

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged. 

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

 It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased. 

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight  into my heart. 

That stupid nickname. 

God I couldn’t bear it. 

Swallowing i looked away. 

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later. 

I nodded curtly. 

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely. 

“Why not?” He whispered gently. 

I groaned. 

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered. 

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “ 

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him. 

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted. 

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he  had  used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw. 

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me. 

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “ 

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently. 

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us. 

“Shall we begin?” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride. 

[glitter-garbage]

12. — thread

Shadowgast, ~1600 words, gen, red thread of destiny, soulmate au (spoilers for the eiselcross arc)

Sent by @quinn-of-aebradore 💜 ...ps: this is not edited at all (one word writing prompts: send me one and a pairing if you like. I might fill them some day!) ---

When Bren learned he had magic, he also learned that he could see things that not everyone did. It wasn’t natural, he had to focus, and later on, he even found out there was an actual spell for it. Still, on more than one occasion growing up, Bren would see the delicate red threads that connected people around him.

“Those mean whoever is connected to you is your soulmate,” his mother explained, “Can you see mine?”

And, sure enough, his mother had a little thread connecting her ankle to Leofric’s. He longed for his own thread to appear, though his mother explained that not everyone had one.

Bren didn’t have to worry, though. He was only fifteen when not one, but two threads connected his ankle to his best friends of all people. By that time, he had already been whisked away to the Academy along with them and the experiences they shared, the successes, the pain, the power, all of that just cemented their connection in his mind.

Until he broke, that is.

After the fire came the Sanatorium, and for eleven years Bren, now Caleb, did not think about that again. Only when he got out did he notice that his ankle was free. Nothing connected him to anyone anymore. It was okay, he was a garbage person. He didn’t deserve love like that anyway.

---

Nott had a red thread. It vanished out to the horizon, and Caleb never saw the thread move in a way that indicated that her soulmate was closer. He wondered if she knew, for a while. Then, he learned the truth. Veth’s soulmate, her husband, kidnapped, imprisoned. He was happy she had met him though, and confident they'd free him. She deserved happiness, he would help her in any way he could.

Two couples in his little group had threads connecting them to each other from the start. Fate worked in mysterious ways, Caleb thought. Beau and Yasha did not seem that close, though Beau’s attraction was obvious, and cringe-worthy at times, but Caleb was sure things would go well for them in the future. Jester and Fjord’s thread almost made his heart break- he had allowed himself to get way too attached to the two, but neither of them were for him, obviously. Destiny had other plans.

Molly did not have any threads, like him. After learning about his past, Caleb wondered if he had gone through something similar to Caleb, the snapping of a thread after a traumatic event. He allowed himself to grow closer to the tiefling tentatively, allowed feelings to bloom slowly. Molly was warm to him, and he thought perhaps it was another form of destiny that would tie them together.

That had been a mistake.

The last one to join their family was Caduceus. He had no thread too, and Caleb had no curiosity about it anymore. His interest in destiny had all but faded.

He loved his friends. He had friends. That was enough, for someone like him.

---

“The Luxon is the basis of how we've been able to free ourselves from the binds of the lineage the Betrayer Gods left for us and to carve our own fates, choose our own paths and sidestep these destinies placed upon us nonchalantly by gods that use us as playthings.”

The Shadowhand was interesting. Dangerous, powerful, enticing. Caleb considered what he said about freedom from destiny, the ability to find your own way. He had certainly strayed from his path, but perhaps that was not the worst thing.

Essek Thelyss, too, had no thread attached to him.

Perhaps because Caleb was no longer obsessing over what destiny had in store for him, perhaps because he was beginning to accept that his own imperfect path was better than the one that had been set for him, Caleb felt empathy towards the drow even after he had betrayed them.

They were so much alike, and Caleb kept his heart more closely guarded now. He did not feel his heart breaking when they learned of Essek's schemes, and that too helped. In any case, he did not see Essek again for a long time. Did not think much about him. There was too much on his plate for that.

---

Astrid smiled at him from across a dinner table and his stomach dropped. Caleb felt the wheels of time turning, felt again like Bren, determined and ambitious and blind to the truth. Eadwulf looked at him with a raised chin, a smirk on his face. He too remained handsome, impossibly so.

When they walked out of Ikithon’s tower, Caleb could make out the thin red thread that still connected their ankles. He thought he was stronger, that perhaps he was ready for this.

“Race you to the top,” said Astrid with a childish smile, before turning back to the tower.

It hurt. He could feel the emptiness of what could have been, what would never be again in a way he hadn’t felt in a long time.

---

Imagine his surprise when arriving at the Vurmas outpost in Eiselcross, the powerful figure of the Shadowhand could not meet his eyes. Imagine his surprise, when he saw his eyes lighting up when they chose him instead of his old teacher to go down into the ruins. Imagine his surprise when he saw Essek battling, using gravity itself as a weapon, and felt only fondness and admiration for the man. When he showed off his tower and saw the same in the drow’s eyes. And attraction, of course. That went without saying.

It all came to a head when, together, they worked to cast a spell that would shorten time itself and give the Nein their much-needed rest.

Thought it might have felt like seconds to their friends, Caleb watched for long moments, holding magic in his palms to assist, as Essek opened a gash through the fabric of space and time. Real fabric, made of threads of all colors that together seemed to make up what he saw as the world around him. Time seemed to stop around them as Essek carefully worked around the fibers.

“This… Have you been able to see this the whole time?” he asked.

Essek’s jaw was clenched and there was sweat running down his forehead, but he nodded, “Not really. It takes a lot of effort to see this. A lot of energy.”

Caleb hesitated but gave in once Essek’s questioning gaze found his for a moment, “I have always seen the red threads. I- I had my own, for a while.”

“Annoying little things,” muttered the drow, focusing again at the slow-going task of weaving time with his bare hands, “There was a time when I hated them more than anything.”

“You used to have yours, too?”

“Hm? No,” said the drow distractedly, “I hated them because I had none, and I thought I should. The Dynasty looks like a tangled web if you watch for them since so many entanglements are made complicated by consecution. But I never had one, and even though I looked for… someone that could perhaps make it appear, it never did.”

He moved his wrist to the side, and the universe seemed to shift with it. Caleb felt a little dizzy.

“But I had never heard of someone who lost theirs. I thought they were supposed to be, ah, perfect,” Essek smirked, “Unless you did what we are doing right now to yours. That is, changing it fundamentally. Somehow, I do not think that is what happened.”

“Nein,” Caleb chuckled wryly and then held himself straighter, keeping the spell steady as Essek continued his labor. “I… strayed from the path, I think. I did something that was not meant to be.”

Essek looked at him like he was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen, even though the elf himself had the building blocks of reality in his hands at the moment. Caleb flushed.

“I think Caduceus would say that you did exactly what you had to do.”

“Maybe so. But isn’t it hard to know that others will have this… this gift, this sure thing while we will not?”

Essek looped a bright white strand against a colorful, prismatic one while he hummed, thinking.

“I felt the same way for decades. But whatever we will have or not, in that sense, will be of our own making. And isn’t that a gift on its own?”

---

The moonlight shone down on the beach, turning the sea a glittering mass of waves. Other than the full moon, magical globes and luminescent beetles illuminated the space around them. Their friends gathered around smiling tearfully in perfect dissonance. Caleb himself felt his heart beating so fast he thought it might leave his ribcage and seek quietude somewhere far away from his anxiety-ridden body. He stood beside Caduceus, who hummed a sweet song under his breath as they waited.

Finally, the glittering door at the end of the path opened, and Essek slipped out, bare feet delicately touching the sand. Jester came from behind him, and once their arms were locked, they walked on slowly, passing their friends and family on the way to Caleb and Caduceus.

He looked stunning in delicate iridescent robes, and Caleb tried to swallow down his anxiety. Violet eyes framed by silver lines, mouth poised in a gentle smile, cheeks flushed, Essek walked slowly until he was face to face with his intended.

Essek reached for his hand, and they stood silently, gazes locked while Caduceus conducted the ceremony. When it was time, Caleb drew a small spool of red thread from his pocket. Gently, he took Essek’s hand in his and tied a knot around his little finger. He offered the spool, and Essek repeated the gesture, biting his lips nervously. Caduceus cut the remaining thread, leaving their hands connected.

“You are now joined together, not by destiny, but by your own choice. I think that’s very nice,” Caduceus smiled placidly until Veth cleared her throat, “Oh yeah. You guys can kiss now.”

Caleb smiled at the phrasing. He lifted his hand, pulling Essek’s forward until the drow was close enough for him to count his freckles. Their hands tingled as he came impossibly closer. Essek’s mouth was warm against his.

For the first time in Caleb's life, he felt destiny favored him.

---

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[grayintogreen]

WIP Wednesday

I'm plugging away at chapter six right now. I'm not gonna hit 75k before tomorrow, but I DID hit 50k mid-month so I absolutely was successful at NaNo. Also the first arc of this fic and the prologue is going to be over 100k, so uh... I'm sorry? You knew what you were getting into.

ANYWAY. Here's a bit of a Widomauk scene from Chapter Five, featuring Czech as Infernal, since the Jester comic decided it and I'm chill enough to adapt it into my lexicon and give it an explanation.

There were some things you just couldn’t say in Common that would have the same effect as they would in another language, so Molly swore under his breath and said, “Jeden myslel, že si uprdne a posral se.”

Caleb looked momentarily alarmed at the guttural words that somehow managed to always sound like a threat even when all he was saying was nonsense. “Was?”

“’Once a man thought he would fart and then he shit himself instead,’” Molly translated with a twist of his upper lip. “Does not have the same ring to it in Common as it does in Infernal, but it’s true enough. You can’t spend your whole life contemplating your navel about what you thought should happen because thinking is useless. It happened. We’re here. This is what we’re dealing with. It’s not ideal, but it’s not terrible either.”

Caleb slowly blinked at him, as if he was missing the point entirely, and so Molly added, leaning closer with a wry little smirk and a casual flick of his tail so that he would get the full weight of his meaning. “So, Mr. Caleb, maybe look at the ocean and just see the ocean.”

The laugh that came from the wizard- his wizard- was more musical than it had any right to be. He caught Molly’s flicking tail and traced the ridges with a calloused thumb in a way that made his toes curl unfairly in his boots. “Will you be saying that when we have nothing but ocean and all of the time in the world to think about what we could have done better and how much more we have yet to do?”

Molly shrugged. “Thinking never gets me anywhere. I do a lot more of it than I once did, but gods does it just bring down the whole vibe of a moment.” He rested his chin on Caleb’s shoulder, tilting his head so not to stab him with his horns while Caleb continued to massage the sensitive flesh of his tail, sending little shockwaves of pleasure up his spine. He bit his lip, his eyes going half-lidded in coquettish glee. “Wanna hear something else in Infernal?”

“Does it involve shitting yourself?” Caleb lifted an eyebrow, his blue eyes sparkling with a bit of mischief. He looked so much lighter than he had when they first entered Nicodranas. If Molly wanted to overthink it, he’d probably place the cause on Jester and Marion- he’d burned their home down and yet they were still together, stronger than ever. He wasn’t the monster that destroyed families. He wasn’t a monster at all.

And yet every decision he made seemed to come from a place of either wanting to prove it or ramming himself against the temptation to prove that a few good turns would not undo years of mistakes and poor choices and conditioning.

But he didn’t want to think about any of that. If it became a pattern, then perhaps a little cornering, a little corralling back towards the light, but why ruin a moment by trying to explain away the light or fear what would dim it?

“Láska je láska. To se nedá vysvětlit,” he recited. He’d learned both phrases from Jester during a time when it became extremely obvious that everything he knew about Infernal and his own heritage was instinct. He understood the words and spoke them fine, but there were a few turns of phrase that didn’t come easily to his instinctual memory that made him squint when Jester used them. She had said it wasn’t necessarily his fault (or Lucien’s for that matter)- she knew these things because she was an eighth generation tiefling on her mother’s side. They still carried Infernal culturally, right down to the accent, rather than merely as part and parcel to their natural lineage.

Love is just love. It can never be explained. It was her favorite phrase. Her mother had taught it to her over and over again until she knew it by rote and could recite it like a daily prayer. You didn’t think about love. You didn’t analyze it. You didn’t worry about it. You just let it be.

Caleb, despite his love for the spoken and written word, didn’t ask for the translation, which seemed appropriate. Even in a foreign tongue, the meaning was clear and to ask would be to contradict it.

And there were some things Molly wasn’t willing to let be contradictory.

[zafirosreverie]

Share my infinite (Agatha x Fem!reader) Part 2

A/N: This is long, guys. But i didn't want to do two parts for this, since i still have to do another one for the reader's recovery. Also, I have a huge headache, so forgive any mistakes.

Anyway, i hope you like it! ^ - ^

You ran as fast as you could, voices screaming with rage behind you. They will kill you. 

“Shit” you growled when you tripped with a branch. You got up quickly and continued running, but that second was enough for the dogs to come closer to you. Those stupid dogs and their stupid owners, why couldn’t they leave you alone?! You didn’t do anything to them and yet they were hunting you, just because of your “family”. 

“I don’t even have the last name” you mumbled. 

You were part of a rich family that was respected among the people of your town, but you were never a part of it. You were the odd one, the freak, the mistake. You were the only one that inherited your grandfather's...condition. 

At some point in the family’s story, someone thought it was cool and a good idea messing up with dark magic and ended up marrying a vampire, condemning the entire lineage to fear for the purity of their blood. By the time you were born, that was just a legend, something the parents told their childs to make them behave. 

“Y/N, stop doing that” your mother would say. “It must be the vampire in her” your father would add. 

You were a pretty curious girl, which led to many misbehaviours, so you heard that phrase too often. 

“Wish something really hard and it will become a reality” you thought with sarcasm. 

When you were 8, the nightmare began. You had just lost your baby teeth and your new ones were appearing. Your parents thought it was cute, but then, your new fangs came and they screamed in horror. They were too long to be normal. They were like your grandfather’s. They were vampire’s fangs.

At first, they tried to pull them out, it hurted like hell, but they didn’t move. So, your parent’s kept you hiden, not even the rest of the family could see you (you would later hear that they didn’t want to). The only person that you were allowed to interact with, was the grandfather himself. He was actually your great great great great great great grandfather, but allowed you to call him Grandpa or Grandfather. Your parents decided that you were no longer their daughter, so he gave you his last name. His real one.

He was sweet and nice with you, teaching you how to retract your fangs and everything he knew about your condition. He told you that you shouldn’t worry, that it was something that happened every generation. Your uncle Nicholás had it too, so it wasn’t anything you couldn’t control. 

What he didn’t tell you was that uncle Nick was burned alive for it.

You weren't a full vampire, you only had a few remnants of vampire blood in your veins. Grandpa was sure that, with every generation that had the condition, it became weaker and weaker, so he had faith that you would be the last one to have it. And he was right. 

You were the last one. None of your nephews or nieces got it, nor their children or grandchildren or great grand children. You were there for the babies’ births, and for their deaths too. Generations came and went, but you remained the same. You stopped aging at 22, and were trapped like that ever since. Your grandfather died long after your great grand nephews did, but it proved that you were not eternal.

As the years passed, you became kind of a myth among the family, the maiden who didn't age. The ghost of the library. The shadow of the house. Generation after generation, you became just another part of the family heritage, something that came with being part of the Van Dales. Everyone treated you like another decoration.

Until now.

These new people (you had stopped thinking of the new generations as your family long ago) decided it wasn’t fair that you got to enjoy all the money while they had to die. It was a stupid argument, but that didn’t matter. You knew they just wanted to get rid of you. And that’s what they did. 

They spread the word around the town, that whoever brought your head to them would be rewarded with part of the family treasure. You barely had time to grab a small bag with your belongings (the ones you had since you were a child) before you were carried out of the house and into the woods.

They didn't tell you why, just to wait and they left you there. A few minutes later you heard the footsteps of the people and a man saying that he would be the one to kill you and claim the reward.

You started running in that very second.

“don’t change, don’t change, don’t change” you begged, feeling your eyes burning. 

One of the things that you learnt the hard way was that when you were in danger, your e/c eyes would change to dark red, and then you would go into a frenzy. That meant you would become a murder machine, and you didn’t want that even if it was your last hope. 

“Of all the things I got from the vampires, why couldn't it be super speed?” you thought as you heard the men coming closer. Your legs were burning and your lungs were about to explode.  

You weren’t paying much attention, so you didn’t notice the air changing nor the energy around you. You needed to escape. 

You tripped again and you cursed. But you couldn't hear the dogs or the men anymore. You lost them? How? They were right behind you, there was no chance that you could have lost them.

But you needed to rest so you weren't complaining at all. It didn't last for too long. 

You heard a leaf crushing and steps close to you. You stood up quickly and prepared to run again, but something stopped you. You couldn't move, as if your feet were glued to the earth. 

"Well, well. What do we have here?" A voice said behind you. You froze and your eyes started to burn again. The person walked around you and you saw the most beautiful woman ever. Her eyes and hands were glowing with a purple light and suddenly you understood why you couldn’t move. She was a witch. 

Your grandfather taught you about witches, saying that, just like you, they were usually misunderstood, and that you shouldn’t be afraid of them. Even if you ever meet an evil witch, the vampire blood in you would protect you. The fact that her magic had an effect on you, meant that she actually didn’t want to hurt you. 

"Aren't you a precious little thing?” she asked and you couldn’t help but notice how lovely her voice was. “What are you doing here, darling?” 

You opened your mouth but closed it again. There was so much to explain but words didn’t come to you at the moment. You remained silent for a few moments before trying to speak again.

“I- I escaped” you whispered, making the woman raise her eyebrow.

“escaped? from what?” she asked, stepping closer to you.

“Men” you simply said. Her presence was making you nervous and you felt your cheeks blushing. 

Your answer seemed to be enough for her and she nodded, unwrapping you from her magic.You noticed her eyes turned to an ice blue color and you gasped. They were the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen.

“What’s your name?” she asked. 

“Y/N” 

“Y/N” she repeated and your heart jumped a little. You loved the way your name sounded in her voice. “Come with me” she said and started walking. You blinked and stood there for a moment before you quickly followed her. You didn’t know her, but it was this witch or the hunters. 

They didn’t have beautiful blue eyes or a lovely voice. So the choice was easy.

She took you to a small cabin, surrounded by big trees and a little pond on the side. You blinked and blushed as she opened the door for you. The simple interior made you feel warm and protected. She saw you wandering around the room, watching her things carefully, not touching anything but being interested in them.

You noticed her smile and stopped walking, taking a step back. She was staring at you as if you were her prey, which, to be fair, might be the case. 

“Didn’t anyone tell you that you don’t follow strangers into their houses, love?” she finally asked after a long moment of just staring at you. 

Agatha was intrigued by you. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn’t have been able to pass the barrier she put around her house, not even other witches could do it. But most importantly, you shouldn’t be standing there as if you were comfortable in her presence. As if you weren’t afraid of her.

“I’ve been living with strangers for a long time” you said honestly and shrugged “i guess i’m not afraid of them anymore”

That made Agatha even more curious. She walked to you and locked eyes with you. You were a little surprised by it, but you didn’t look away. 

“You’re like me” she said softly, and you shrugged again.

“I guess so?”

The witch didn’t want to have high hopes, but she had been alone for almost 200 years now and the possibility of having some company was enough to let you stay some days. At least until she discovered more about you and how much power you had.

_________

“Don't” Agatha warned you, not lifting her eyes from her book “whatever you’re thinking, don’t”

You giggled and ignored her “I’m not doing anything, Aggie” you lied and she sighed. 

She was about to turn around to see what you were planning, when she felt your cold hands in the back of her neck, making her jump.

“Y/N!!!” she yelled and you laughed, watching her shivering. 

“Got ya!” you said when she turned to face you

“Those are ice! Are you sure you’re not dead?” she asked with sarcasm and fake anger, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away. 

“Could be. I haven’t checked my pulse today” you joked and she chuckled. 

You had been living with her for a year, and she had fallen head over heels for you. You were sweet, charming, always had a smile on your beautiful face and you were always finding ways to make her laugh. You were kind and loving towards her, making her loneliness fade away. 

But you were also naughty as hell. 

You loved making pranks, jokes and chaos. She was your favorite target, but it was something almost innocent, nothing that a child couldn’t do (a part of her knew it was because you were forced to grow up too quickly, so you were just doing what you wanted to do back then), but that benevolence didn’t extend to other people.

Your pranks and jokes were anything but innocent when the targets were people from the town near the forest. It made sense, because they were the same people that tried to kill you a year ago. But you once told her that you actually just enjoyed causing chaos, which made her fall in love with you even more. She loved being by your side whenever you caused something among the humans. It was a magnificent artwork, a chaotic, kind of evil, maniac, artwork. And it had both of your signaments in the corner.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t notice you talking to her. When you looked at her and saw that you had lost her at some point, an evil grin appeared on your face. Well, you were not a person that decline opportunities. 

Agatha gasped when you pushed her to the pond. 

“Y/N!!!!” she yelled again and you laughed harder. 

“That’ll teach you not to ignore me when I’m trying to declare my love for you, Harkness” you joked and walked to the house. 

The witch sighed as she stood and used her magic to dry herself. That has been your most cruel joke to this day. 

When she met you, she assumed you were a witch. You crossed her barrier, after all, so you must be a powerful one. But when she tried to steal your magic when you were asleep, she sensed it was too weak, she could barely call it magic at all. 

That confused her so much. How did you cross then? This amount of magic was not enough to do it. The next day, she confronted about it and you just blinked. 

“You think i’m a witch?” you asked before you giggled “I’m a vampire” you said and left her speechless. 

You taught her everything you knew about your condition, but it wasn’t too much since your family just wanted you to hide yourself. So she tried to learn everything she could about vampires. You frowned and said that if she was going to learn about your kin, then you wanted to learn about hers.

And just like that, your lessons started. The first days, you two sat at the table with a pile of books in front of you, but that plan disappeared the moment you saw her stretching to make her back more comfortable. You took the books and threw them on the floor, making Agatha gasp, then you took her hand and made her lie beside you on the wood. You’ve never used chairs for study or reading since then.

The joke started when she started to teach you some tricks. They were pretty simple and basic, but she loved the look in your face when you got one of them right. One day, you were so happy to finally do a spell you were trying for weeks, that you kissed her cheek with excitement and her mind went blank, her cheeks burning. You noticed it and never let her live with it.

Since then, you would make comments or do things that made her believe you might feel the same, but then you would just laugh and leave her with a hole in her chest. 

“Aggie?” you asked softly. You had noticed that she didn’t follow you and after a moment, you went out again to make sure she was okay. You frowned when you saw her just standing there, lost in her thoughts.  

You carefully took her hand and she jumped, looking at you. 

“Are you ok?” you asked and she nodded, removing her hand from yours. 

“I’m fine, Y/N” she said and your frown deepened. She never used that tone with you. The “I have something in my mind but you wouldn’t understand so let’s pretend i’m alright” tone. You took her face in your hands and made her lock eyes with you. 

“Don’t lie to me” you whispered 

Agatha stared at you for a moment before she sighed. She couldn’t. She always thought she was strong enough to lie to everyone, to take what she needed and do what she wanted. But you, you made her weak. And she would do anything for you. Even expose her heart and let you break it.

“Please don’t do it” she said “please don’t make jokes about your love for me. Not when we both know you don’t mean it.”

You frowned again in confusion, but when you understood her words, you blushed and felt your pulse racing. 

“Who said i don’t mean it?” you asked softly, caressing her cheek.

“NO!” Agatha said, more harsh than she intended “Don’t do it Y/N.” she said, whispering again “Please. Don’t give me false hopes. I can’t take it” she begged and you felt guilt invading you.

You had been making those jokes because they were the only way you could get your own feelings out of your chest without actually risking your friendship with the witch. If you had known she felt the same way…

Agatha gasped when she felt your lips against hers. She wasn’t expecting this, but she had been wanting to do it for so long that she took the opportunity. She wrapped her arms around your waist and pulled you closer to her. Your lips were too soft and she would be happy to lose herself in them.

“I’m sorry” you whispered when you broke the kiss “I’m sorry i didn’t tell you before” 

That made her open her eyes. There was a silent question in them, and only your own eyes had the answer. 

You kissed her again, and again, and again, wanting to erase all the doubts you accidentally planted in her mind. Each kiss was an apology and a promise. No words were needed at that moment.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Yeah,exactly. One of the main problems with M*lina is how static their relationship is. We’re told they’re each other’s home and have feelings for each other but we never really see their relationship evolve and once they reunite(which in other better written friends to lovers relationships usually means showing how they’ve changed and wether they’re compatible together)nothing really changes either they solve their misunderstandings in 5 min and that’s it and this is actually a great example of how boring and devoid of any real storytelling Western shows,etc are becoming. The fake/woke puritanical crowd refuse to accept that how a relationship begins isn’t as important as how it ends. Darklina might have toxic elements or whatever but in the hands of a better writer the process of their relationship and how it ends should be much more important than bring so pure and unproblematic.With Aleksander you get to see the progression of him being so stoic and unreadable when he first meets Alina to becoming more vulnerable and even at times unhinged(getting emotional in the war room scene,Alina’s potential kidnapping,threatening his mother,rejecting Zoya,begging Alina to understand him,etc)and we get to see how being with Aleksander affects Alina too and that’s what a well written relationship should strive to do. And let’s be honest I don’t think viewers would care very much about the destruction of the Fold if it wasn’t for Aleksander carrying the plot on his back instead of rooting for the two orphans in o defeat him like LB intended(sorry to break it to you B*rdugo but LOTR did it so much better yet it was supposed to be originally children’s books,imo).

And this is why I find Darklina a much more interesting ship, because you get to witness their relationship grow and change but as you said this isn't the case with M*lina, their relationship is the same throughout. I do agree with what you said about how there seems to be this fixation of characters and relationships being pure and unproblematic. I've been noticing it more and more often lately with various tv shows and books and the fandoms and especially with reviewers and reactors. It's like a character does one thing wrong and the attitude of some fans is 'hang them they are a terrible person and their character has been completely ruined there's no going back now'. Which to me is just nonsensical. The amount of times I've seen a character do something the fandom doesn't like or something that is questionable and they've then been marked as ruined or bad is ridiculous, its the same argument they use that their character development has regressed or been thrown out the window because they've done one morally grey thing. In fact I've said this before but character development does not have to be linear, a character can improve but they can also have set backs, that doesn't make it bad development it just makes it human. One of the most popular phrases I see is 'character 'A' would never do this' but the thing is as circumstances around a character changes so too does the character, so things they might not have done in say season 1 become a plausible character choice in later seasons.

But more and more lately there's been this trend of making sure that your 'good' characters remain pure and don't ever do anything wrong and unfortunately this makes them boring in my opinion. I like to see characters make mistakes and I like to see how this effects them and how it changes them, do they grow from it or does it lead them to making more questionable decisions? A flawed character has more room to grow and is just more interesting to me which is probably why I like the darkling so much. As you pointed out we get to see Aleks grow and change as the season goes on from someone who comes across as very stoic and cold, the perfect general to someone who is vulnerable and flawed. It's the same with Alina as the season goes on we see her shift from someone who is insecure and feels useless, who is overlooked by others around her to someone who is confidant and who in important within her society and who owns her own power.

M*l however is a different story and I think it stems back to this purity complex. I think they were so desperate to make sure the character was liked they tried to paint him as this pure, shining knight who could do no wrong. Unfortunately this really watered down his character to the point that there isn't really any substance to him at all and he is very one dimensional. And he has no development at all, the M*l we meet in the beginning of season 1 is the same M*l as at the end of it. As terrible as I think the character is in the books at least he did have some character development in the first book in that at the beginning he didn't see Alina and he had no feelings for her from what we could tell and he slept around but come the end of the book he does develop feelings and does confess them to her and commits to her. However in the show they wanted to keep this 'can do no wrong' character so they made it clear to the audience that he did have feelings for Alina in the pilot episode and so he has feelings for her in the beginning and he has feelings all through the season and he has feelings at the end and absolutely no character development. The ironic thing is though is whilst they made Aleks so much more human in the show in a way they made M*l less human. The fact that he has no flaws and that he never does anything wrong makes him seem like this pure angel caricature as oppose to an actual person. Even down to deciding that he doesn't sleep with Zoya despite the fact that at the time he was free to do so as he wasn't in a relationship with Alina and it being book canon. That would have made him less pure and the less ideal knight in shining armour. I also feel like they use this later as a way of kind of comparing pure M*l with evil Aleks because Aleks has slept with Zoya look how morally corrupt he is, unlike M*l who held strong against temptation.

I like what you said about how a relationship starts isn't as important as where it ends. I agree with this I think the thing that makes a relationship interesting and well written is seeing that journey and seeing it come to completion to look at where they started and see the growth and change. Which is why when you have a ship like M*lina where they seem very fixated on the past and where the relationship began and where there is very little to no change in their relationship, I find it very boring.

[electronicgrowth]

Can’t Get Enough Part 5

Billie has lost her virginity! Where is this relationship headed? 

This has just been chilling in drafts... I forgot I was a person there for a moment. I apologize.

Summary: The two most stubborn people in Knockemstiff, Ohio have eyes for only each other. Lee Bodecker is determined to become the town’s next sheriff. He knows that image is everything. Billie Dechswaan doesn’t care about her image at all. All she wants is to leave Knockemstiff and never come back. But Lee has other plans for her. Both are far too stubborn to give up their own plans. What happens when they can’t get enough of each other?

Word Count: 2.3k

After losing her virginity, Billie can’t get enough of Lee. When he’s inside her, she promises him all the things he wants. But they fight about her wanting leave. She’s still adamant about moving away, despite her attack. Lee tries desperately to reason with her. But she won’t hear it. Lee feels his time running out as the days in June and July come and go. He makes the decision for them one day. He pokes holes in every single condom. He feels slightly guilty, but Bille needs to realizes how much she needs him. 

All the arguing comes to a head one night in mid-August. Billie snuck out like she did most nights and met up with Lee. She quickly slide into the car and kissed him. It was a Wednesday night and they hadn’t seen each other since the church service on Sunday. Billie had spent most of the time between services chatting with Lee, instead of helping to serve luncheon, and this behavior was not missed by the church ladies. 

Rumors were flying. Everyone was wondering when Lee would finally make Billie his wife. Many were saying that it was bound to happen before the next election. She’d be sherif’s wife by Christmas, the gossip said. Edna, the police station secretary made the mistake of asking Lee and relaying all the gossip. It got him thinking. He was going to broach the idea with Billie. He had to. He already had a ring anyway. 

Before Lee could even start the car and drive away. Billie was kissing his neck. 

“Did you miss me, baby?” He teased. Pulling her closer to him. 

“I always miss you,” she scoffed, straddling his hips. 

“I missed you too,” he murmured against her lips. She ran her tongue against his. 

“You know,” he began, pulling back from the kiss, “You don’t have to miss me.” 

“What do you mean?” Billie giggled, staring at him, “I always miss you when you’re not around.” 

“I mean, you could miss me less,” Lee said. Billie’s smile dropped a bit. 

“What are talking about, honey?” She asked. 

“If we live together, we would see each other everyday. Wake up together, go to bed together,” he hummed, kissing her neck between each phrase. 

“Lee,” she scolded, pulling away from him. 

“Come on baby,” he huffed, “Be mine. Be mine forever. And don’t give me that whole song and dance about leaving. You want to be with me and I want to be with you. I could give you everything. Just let me.” 

“We’ve talked about this, I want to be independent for a while,” Billie grumbled. 

“Billie, come on. We’ve been together practically everyday for months. Why do you have to independent? You want to get married and have kids right?” He asked. 

“Of course, I do. But—“

“No. No buts. If you’re planning to have kids, you won’t be working that long anyway. So, pick the right man to have kids with. Pick me, baby,” Lee implored. Billie stared at him and slipped off his lap. 

“I was up front with you Lee. I told you I was going to leave and go to college. You knew that going in. I should go,” she whispered. Climbing out of the car. Lee ground his teeth before he got out of the car. 

“Billie,” he yelled, “get back here.” He stalked after her angrily. 

“Lee,” she sighed, turning to face him, “I can’t do this tonight. I can’t have this argument again.”

He gripped the tops of her arms, “What is it? Why won’t you marry me? Is there something I’m not doing? Are you embarrassed of me?”

“What?” She spat, “Of course not. You’re everything I want—“

“Then what is it? I love you, dammit,” he shouted. 

“Look, let’s just take a pause. We can talk tomorrow. We’re both upset,” she placated. 

“Fine,” he huffed, stalking back to his car and driving off before Billie had even reached the woods. Wheels spitting gravel, engine revving loudly as he drove away. Billie felt empty. What had she done? 

The next day the county fair started. It was the event of the summer. Everyone was there. And Billie was avoiding Lee after their fight the day before. But he spots her. She evades him all night. He finally corners her outside one of the livestock barns. 

“What is with you? You said we’d talk today and you’re fucking ignoring me,” He spat, shoving her against the barn and caging her in. Billie refuses to meet his gaze. Tears quickly well up and spill down her cheeks. 

“Baby,” he hums gently, “What’s wrong.” His hands move up to cup her face and his thumbs wipe the tears away. 

“Not here,” she shakes her head, “Let’s go for a drive.” 

“Alright,” Lee murmured. They walk silently to the cruiser and Lee drove a couple of miles down the road before he pulls off onto a side road. It’s not really a road, more like a trail in the woods that farmers use in the spring and summer as a short cut. 

Billie has tears running down her face. 

“Talk to me,” he begged. 

“I’m late,” she sobbed. It took Lee a few moments to catch on.

“Your period?”

“Yeah, I’m three weeks late. I thought it was just stress or something,” she cried, her voice breaking. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he soothed, “I’ll take care of ya.” Lee’s heart is beating out of his chest with excitement, but he schools his features and voice to one of concern and anxiousness in order not to tip Billie off. 

“What are we gonna do?” She’s fully panicked now. Lee can hear that she’s nearly hyperventilating. 

“Shh, baby. You need to breathe, okay?” He said as he grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. She nodded slowly, breathing in and out steadily before Lee spoke again. 

“We have to tell your parents,” he began. Billie’s eyes grew comically large, she started to protest but Lee cut her off. 

“We’ll tell your parents. We’ll get married and no one will be the wiser. It’s okay,” he soothed, “I’ll be with you when you tell your parents. I promise I’ll take care of you.” His eyes shone with sincerity. 

“What… what if I’m not ready?” 

“You are. You’re perfect. Gonna take such good care of me and our baby,” Lee hummed as he kissed her. 

“Lee,” she protested. 

“Come on, sugar. You’ll be my good little housewife. I can’t wait to see you get round with my baby. You’re gonna look so sexy,” Lee groaned, he kissed from her lips to her neck as he spoke, “You’re all mine.” 

“Did you— did you plan this?” Billie asked, shoving him away. Lee narrowed his eyes at her. 

“It doesn’t matter how it happened. What’s done is done and you need me Billie,” he growled. Billie opened her mouth but no words came out. She was stunned. She shook her head back and forth, as she searched for the words. 

“You’re a bastard, Lee.” His jaw clicked from side to side when she said that. Without saying anything he started the car and drove. Billie didn’t question him on where they’re going. She knew she was in deep shit. It’s only when she sees the farmhouse come into view that she starts to panic. 

“No.”

“We’re telling your parents tonight.” 

“Lee, please don’t do this,” she begged. But he didn’t listen. 

“I wanted to be nice. I wanted to wait until after we got married. But you. You just couldn’t accept the nice future I had planned out for ya. So, if you want me to be the bastard, I will be. I’ll get you pregnant. Make you marry me.” He cut the engine and walked up to the house. Billie trudged behind him, she had no other choice. 

Lee knocked at the before Billie even reached him. Joy answered. 

“Deputy Bodecker,” she smiled, “To what do we owe the pleasure?” 

“Billie and I have something to tell you,” he said happily. What a master of disguise he was. He made Billie believe, really believe that he loved her and cared for her. But he showed his true colors the second she stopped listening to him. And now he’s wooing her mother. Making her believe he’s a nice, stand-up guy. Joy’s smile faltered when she realized the Billie was with Lee, but she let them both in all the same. Lee marched to the living room as if he owned the place. 

“John,” Joy called, “Lee and Billie want to talk to us.” John huffed, but turned the tv off. He gestured for Lee to sit. 

“Clara, why don’t you go upstairs,” Joy suggested. Clara was the only one of the children home. All the others were still at the fair. She nodded and walked away. Joy sat down, but Billie didn’t. 

“Honey,” Lee chuckled, “Come sit down.” She slowly went and sat by Lee. He was quick to wrap an arm around her. 

“She’s nervous,” he said, smile glued to his handsome face. 

“What’s going on?” John growled at Lee. 

“Billie is pregnant,” Lee responded. Joy gasped. John looked like a deer caught in headlights. Billie started crying again, and leaned forward to hide her face in her hands. Lee patted her back. 

“But, I don’t want ya’ll to worry,” Lee continued, “I’ll do right by her. I care for your daughter very much. We’re going to get married.” 

John harrumphed, “You can take her down to the courthouse tomorrow for all I care. I thought you knew better than to open your legs, girl. I know you’re mama taught you better than that.” 

“John,” Joy attempted to placate, “Let’s not be unkind. Lee is going to make this right.” 

“I don’t care if he can make it right. Your daughter is out there acting like a whore,” John roared standing up from his armchair. He crossed the room and slapped Billie across the face. 

“You have one week to get her out of my house,” John said to Lee, who looked up John and scowled. Billie couldn’t take one more minute, she jumped up and ran upstairs just as Sylvia walked through the door. If Sylvia was one thing, it was perceptive. She took one look at her father and Lee and chased after her sister. 

“Now get out of my house, Bodecker,” Lee narrowed his eyes, but obliged. He would make John pay for hitting Billie. 

Sylvia found Billie crying in a little ball on the floor. 

“What happened?” She asked her sister. 

“Lee g-got me pregnant and n-now I have to get married and I’m going to be stuck here in this stupid town forever,” Billie sobbed. 

“Shit,” Sylvia sighed. Clara crawled off of her bed to join her sisters on the floor, she squeezed Billie’s hand. She wasn’t one for talking, she wasn’t good at it. 

“I thought he loved me. But he manipulated me. I think he did it on purpose,” Billie choked through tears. 

Sylvia stood up and started pacing. 

“How much money you got?” She asked. 

“About $250,” Billie answered. 

“I got about $50 left over from babysitting. And I want you to take that,” Sylvia ordered. 

“I can’t take your money, Sylvie.” 

“Yes you can. Take it. Run away. Start over.” 

“I—I—I h—have t-t-ten dollars for you, Billie,” Clara spoke. 

“Take our money and go,” Sylvia said, “Consider it a thank you for all the years you took care of us.” 

“Are you sure?” Billie looked between her two sisters. Both nodded. 

“You have to go tonight. Go to the bus station and get out now,” Sylvia started to scheme. The girls helped Billie pack two bags that night. They rounded up and pooled their money. And at eleven that night, Billie snuck out and walked the three miles to the bus station. She waited until five in the morning and bought the first bus out to Cincinnati. But she didn’t stop there. From there she took another bus to New York. She figured she could disappear into the crowd there. She could say that her husband died and that she had no family left. She could get a job waitressing. Or maybe she could train as a secretary. It didn’t matter because she felt free. 

After two weeks in the city, she wrote her family and Lee a letter. She claimed that she wasn’t pregnant. That the stress from telling them and leaving town caused her to miscarry. She said that she couldn’t face any of them now. But that it didn’t diminish her love. She refused to come home. Billie did not include a return of address. She secretly sent Sylvia another letter at her boyfriends house. It included her phone number. Sylvia would call her once a month from a payphone and then from the phone at the local grocery store she worked at. The girls stayed in touch that way. Sylvia secretly relayed the information to Clara and when Joy got suspicious, to her too. 

Lee was distraught. He’d lost the love of his life and his baby in a matter of moments. He shouldn’t have made her tell her parents like that. But he couldn’t focus on it too long, because he was soon elected sheriff. He was married to the job. Then he started getting into business with the wrong people. Those terrible men he worked with gave him an idea. An awful idea. He wanted revenge against John and he would get it. 

@greeneyedblondie44

@bxnnywriting