#my mother gave me a great gift recently in that we were watching tv

[karliahs]

this jumper is maybe cursed but now it's done and it can't hurt me anymore

i started this...a hideous amount of time ago. last autumn? and got the gauge wrong several times despite measuring a lot, had to remake huge chunks of it multiple times. and then i got too sick to want to do much of anything. and then once i was better i did another big chunk of it but started to get real bad wrist pain so stopped entirely for a long time. then stitching the sleeves on was weirdly difficult and annoying, and then i put one of them on the wrong way (seam at the top) and so it's just been sitting almost-finished for weeks because i couldn't face unpicking and redoing it

but now it's DONE. i am free to make other things. and maybe by the time it's actually jumper weather again, i will have forgotten enough of this to not feel instinctively annoyed by the sight of it

[watchmegetobsessed]

LUCKY PAIR

a/n: another one :)

pairing: Sebastian Stan X Reader

word count: 1.5k

This fic is part of the LITTLE ONE series, but can be read as a simple oneshot as well! Find the masterpost of the series HERE!

masterlist

Sebastian has always been a humble man. Growing up, with a strong and loving family background, he never really left the path that leads to good manners and appreciation even for the smallest things in life. Not even becoming a successful actor could change the way he sees and feels grateful for everything he has and achieved.

There were times when he thought he wouldn’t find the person he could settle with, feel comfortable enough around to spend the rest of his life with. Let alone start a family with. That was until he met you.

From the very start he felt a sense of belonging to you, like you pulled him in, so easily and fast, enchanted him and simply made him yours. And he didn’t mind it, not even a bit. Dating you has been such a different experience than his previous relationships. As if it made him realize how shallow and loose they were, but now he had the chance to taste what real love is like. With all the good and bad, the two of you have been sharing such a deep connection since the beginning that put his previous dating experiences to shame.

Now that you are pregnant and engaged, Sebastian has been immensely overwhelmed with how amazing his life is getting, all thanks to you. He is amazed by everything about the road to becoming parents, all the changes and challenges, he feels like it all led him to this exact point in life. What he likes the most about it however is you. Seeing you grow your baby, see the growth and the changes every day, the miracle of life happening right in front of his eyes. And he is still having a hard time believing that you chose him to do all of this with, to have the most beautiful gift of life with him.

He has always admired you in many ways, you’ve been a fascinating creature to him from the very beginning and he loved learning new things about you, things that made him fall in love with you even more. After spending years together he could still look at you with the same amount of love he did when you were just getting to know each other. But then came the pregnancy and Sebastian found himself falling deeper than ever.

He has often found himself looking at you with his heart full and chest warm at the oddest moments. When you were doing your skincare routine in the evening, standing in front of the mirror, putting on all the different products, he always has a great view of you from the side, sitting on the bed and he loves how he saw your belly get bigger each time, as you went through the same steps. Or the way you always scratch the lower part of your bump every morning as your good morning to the baby, humming to yourself with your eyes still closed in the soft morning light that floods the bedroom through the massive windows. Or how you draw a little heart on your tummy with your lotion before spreading the scream all over your skin. All these little things have had him melting, so thankful that he gets to see and experience it. With you.

Now the two of you are having a lazy Sunday, Sebastian has been watching a football game on TV and you are sitting next to him, your laptop on the top of a pile of pillows next to you, your legs crossed underneath you as you’re typing away on the keyboard. You’re wearing your reading glasses you recently got and for what he nagged you forever to finally get, but you refused to, feeling like you’re a little too young to have reading glasses. But then you realized you really did need them when you had trouble reading emails on your phone. You gave in and bought a pair, the transparent frame is a subtle accessory on your pretty face. Sebastian hasn’t told you, but it’s doing things to him, especially when you push them up to the top of your head, keeping your unruly hair back with them from your forehead. However now it makes you appear more on the cute side rather than the sexy, though that aspect is still there as well.

You’re snacking on some veggie chips, your latest craving that now takes up half of the pantry, reading something your mother has sent you about the wedding that will only take place after the baby is born, but she’s been so excited about it, she’s been bombarding you with ideas she finds online. You don’t mind it, carefully reading everything she proposes to you and then leaving comments and suggestions of your own before sending it back to her.

You’re wearing an oversized shirt with no pants on, just your underwear, your legs bare and looking so soft and squishy, Sebastian is having a hard time not to reach out and feel them with his own hands.

It’s so domestic, so mundane and simple, seeing you like this in the comfort of the home the two of you share, yet in this moment he feels like he is on top of the world. He swears he could cry from happiness when he looks at you in this state and he wishes he could preserve this moment forever.

He watches you reach into the bag, your eyes still on the screen, but then you realize that the chips is gone and you pout softly, giving the now empty bag a sad look. It’s just then that you notice him watching you instead of the game on the TV.

“What is it?” you ask with a shy, confused look. Sebastian shakes his head, smiling to himself as he leans closer, his lips meeting the corner of your mouth in a soft, chaste kiss.

“Nothing. You want me to grab another bag for you?”

“Ah, no. I shouldn’t even have eaten this bag,” you mumble under your breath, pursing your lips.

“Just eat it if you want it, Doll. There’s nothing wrong about it.”

“Don’t tempt me, I’ve already put on so much baby weight!” you warn him playfully, making him chuckle.

“That’s alright. You still look beautiful,” he assures you, making your heart flutter in your chest. As a reply, you just give his hand a squeeze before returning to your laptop, starting to type away, but Sebastian can’t stop himself from staring still. Licking your lips you notice his gaze again, feeling a little shy under his inspecting stare.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” you start guessing, but he shakes his head no, a hand reaching out to finally grab your bare thigh, his fingers deliciously sinking into your flesh.

“No, I just…” he sighs. “You’re so beautiful and I love you so much. That’s it.”

Your cheeks immediately heat up at his words, not sure where all of this affection is coming from all of a sudden.

“Stop, I didn’t even shower this morning,” you huff awkwardly. You just simply couldn’t muster up the energy to undress, shower and dress again, so you decided to skip, now Sebastian is treating you like a princess.

“I really don’t care,” he smirks, reaching up his palm cups the side of your face, his thumb running across the soft skin under your eye. He simply can’t fight this sudden wave of sentimentality, not that he wants to. Showing his love and affection has always been important for him and he will not shy away from letting you know how he feels. “I know I’ve said this before, but… I really am one lucky man.”

“You always say this as if I’m doing you a favor by being with you, but it’s mutual, Seb,” you softly tell him. Abandoning your laptop you scoot closer until he can wrap an arm around your shoulders, your sides pressed up against each other. “I’m lucky to have you too.”

“Yeah? So you’re not sick of me yet?” he teases you playfully, pressing his fingers into your side, making you jump a little.

“You think I would have said yes if I was?” you ask, holding up your hand, the diamond ring sitting not so subtly on your finger.

“Maybe you said yes just because I knocked you up,” he prompts and you smack his chest, making him laugh.

“Stop that! As if we weren’t already planning to have a baby, sometime soon,” you mock him, narrowing your eyes at him and smirking down at you he just kisses your forehead.

“I know, I know. I’m just still kinda looking for the explanation how someone like you ended up with me.”

“Oh please! Thousands of women were devastated when it got out that you’re off the market,” you scoff at his comment. “I should be thinking about the how, not you.”

“I guess we are… a lucky pair then, huh?” he smirks as you snake a hand behind his neck, pulling him down so your lips meet in a smearing kiss.

“Mm, the luckiest,” you grin against his lips.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[pedropascalonline]

Love is fire

Maxwell Lord x Reader 

Summary: Y/N is saving up to attend the university of her dreams,she is shocked to find out that her father got her a job as Maxwell Lord’s assistant. Y/N can’t stand him but soon enough they become infatuated with each other.

Warnings: Swearing. 

A/N : Hello everyone. I’m an absolute simp for Max Lord. I hope y'all like this and want me to continue. Feedback is appreciated and remember to let me know if you want to be tagged.

“I’m sorry Wyndham but there’s nothing to do, I just don’t have an opening at the moment.”

“That’s okay, Mr.Lord I was just hoping that maybe there would be a place here for my y/n I have worked here for years and I was kind of envisioning the same thing for her.”

Wyndham had been Maxwell's personal driver since he was 40 and Maxwell only 20, now that he was 65 the time came for him to go home indefinitely at the end of his shift today.

“Mr.Lord, I have them on the phone for you.” said his redhead assistant Anna. Who was visibly uncomfortable in her high heels.

“Are you alright Anna?” asked Wyndham noticing her uncomfortable walk.

“Oh yes thank you, I just can’t wait for this one to finally come out, he’s making my feet swell like crazy,” said Anna as she looked down at her swollen belly.

Max rolled his eyes at interaction.

“Right Wyndham I need to take this call I’ve been waiting for it all week, I’ll see you later then. Remember it’s straight home tonight.”

“Of course Mr.Lord.”

Wyndham and Anna took their leave and left Max to do his job, which seemed like lately, it was only screaming at people.

X

You sighed as you wiped down the sticky counter top, you couldn’t believe that it was the fifth time a child had knocked over their drink on your shift. Every time you reminded yourself to never have children.

“Y/N when you’re done there can you please come to help me in the back ?”

“Yes, Charlie I’ll be there in a minute,” you answered.

Charlie was your boss but also your best friend. He’s the one that got you your waitressing job after you finished high school together.

His family owned the cafe where you worked. Your family didn’t have enough money to send you to the university of your dreams so you decided you’d make the money yourself. It was proving to be more difficult than you initially thought.

“What’s up?” you asked Charlie.

“Are we going out tonight or what? This week has been exhausting and I need a distraction.”

“You can say that again but unfortunately not tonight, it’s my dads last night of work and I want to be there when he gets home.” You said smiling sadly.

Charlie sensed your change in mood and hugged you.

“Hey, cheer up. It’s the 80’s anything can happen, just don’t give up yet.”

“My parents are old, and now my dad won’t be bringing back money anymore, my mum is getting tired of looking after kids all day and now I’ll have to start helping with bills. I don’t mind doing it but this just isn’t how I saw my plan going yah know?” tears were spilling down your face at this point and Charlie pulled you in tighter.

“Listen, you’ve got this. If there is anybody that can do this, it’s you. I’ve never seen you fail at anything and I won’t have you start now.”

“I love you so much,” you said as you held him closer.

“I love you too babe.”

X

“You ready Mr.Lord?” Asked the elderly man.

“Always,” replied Max as he got into the back seat of his limousine.

Wyndham got into the car and adjusted his mirrors for the last time. He put on his driving hat. His eyes meeting Max’s in the rearview mirror.

“Going home, Mr Lord”

Maxwell only nodded as the car took off. He’s heard those words for over 25 years and now it’s suddenly stopping. His new driver will be picking him up on Monday morning and he sighed at the thought of having to get to know someone all over again.

The city was alive with teenagers partying, adults dancing and kid’s at the movies. Sometimes he wondered...

X

The view of The Lord mansion came into view as the large iron gates opened. The doubted rooted in the middle of the drive-in looking especially beautiful with the recently added lights. The head housemaids idea. Agatha practically raised Max since his parents were always away for business.

Wyndham and Agatha were about the only people Max could stand. Well, and of course the exception of his assistant Anna and maybe just maybe his Gardner but he never really saw him all that much but he reminded him of one of the friends he has as a child. Heck, he didn’t even know his name. Alec maybe? Or Rodney?

Wyndham opened the door for Maxwell and swiftly closed it behind him again.

“Well Sir, it was a privilege working for you. I’ll never forget how good you were to me.” The old man’s eyes turned glasses as he took off his hat, handing it over to Max.

“Keep it please, it won’t be same in somebody else. Are you sure I can’t give you any kind of compensation?”

“No Sir please we’ve been over this, I’ve managed to put away a sum of money each month, I couldn’t take any more.”

“This doesn’t feel right Wyndham, is there anything I can do? Anything at all.”

“Well, perhaps there is one thing...”

X

“YOU GOT ME A JOB AS MAX LORD’S ASSISTANT?” you were fuming.

“Oh come on Y/N this could be your big break,” said your dad trying to cheer you up.

“My big break? Dad, I’m not working for that prick.”

“Hey you watch your mouth, that prick is who paid your school fees and fed you your whole life.”

“I know it’s just...I’ve never liked him, he’s so cold and have you seen him on tv? He’s so full of himself and he doesn’t know what to do with all that money and...”

“Didn’t you use to have a crush on him? You would see his commercials and go all read.” said your mother from across the room.

“MOTHER !!!”

“Listen, honey, just give it a chance. It’s good money and it will look great on any university application.”

“Your father is right Y/N just see how it goes, we would never force you to stay if it’s unpleasant.”

You never could say no to your parents and half of the time they were right.

“What if I take the job but work at the cafe at nights with Charlie?”

“You could do that but won’t that be exhausting?” questioned your mother.

“Being a personal assistant can be a lot of work especially for Mr.Lord.”

“Maybe your right, I’ll go down to the cafe tomorrow and talk to Charlie. How did you get me this job anyway?”

“Well, his current assistant is pregnant and is going on leave soon. When I dropped him off tonight I asked him.”

“And how did he react ?” you hated that you were curious.

“Well he wasn’t surprised but since it’s only temporary he agreed, he mentioned sometime about how he cannot wait to meet you.”

“There she goes all red again.” said your mother giggling.

“Stop bothering the child Lillian.” said your dad grinning at your mother. Enjoy your embarrassment equally as much.

“Okay fine I’ll do it but if he gets on my nerves I’m quitting.”

X

“What on earth are you wearing ?!” Charlie practically had a heart attack.

“What do you mean this is all I had? I wore it to a christening.”

You shyly pulled down the hem of your dress to get the dress to cover your knees.

“We’re you the one being christened?”

“Oh shut up.”

“Okay listen if you were leaving me to work for Max Lord then you can’t go in looking like that. They will eat you alive. It’s business not pancakes.” said Charlie as he desperately tried to put your hair up.

“What do you suggest?” You asked defeated.

“We'll start by curling your hair if you are going to wear it loose or at least pin it up. Your make up shouldn’t be all over your white-collar and it’s the 80’s your allowed to wear pants, get rid of that dress and maybe buy a pencil skirt.”

“With what money Charlie? I can’t just make a new wardrobe appear.”

“I’ll tell you what. I know this cute thrift place downtown, I’ll take you there and give you your last paycheck early. Sides you get a gift as a thank you for your service yah know.” said Charlie as he grinned at you.

If it wasn’t for Charlie you probably would be a lost cause.

“Okay fine, you and me after work okay. I need your advice if I’m gonna take over the business world.”

Both of you started laughing. Your laughter stopped however when you saw Max’s commercial on the TV that was in the kitchen of the cafe.

“Shoot I’m late, I gotta go. See you later.”

“There she goes.” Mumbled Charlie as he watched you run off.

X

“Being late isn’t exactly a good first impression Y/N.” said Anna as her eyes landed on you.

“I know I’m sorry I lost track of time. Has he asked about me yet ?”

“You’re in luck, he’s not in today. He’s away for business he’s out the whole week. That’s good because if he saw you in that outfit he’d probably send you home.”

“He’d send me home for wearing a short dress what a - “

“No don’t even go there, he’s not like that, he’d send you home because you have terrible taste in fashion,” said Anna as she gave you a stern look.

“This is not an easy job but I trust in you. I’ll show you the basics today and then at the end of the week you’ll be starting on your own.”

The idea was scary. Would you be able to cope all alone in a big office? The one upside though was that Max’s assistant had their own little office away from the other workers which mean nobody could stare at you the way they did when you came up.

At least you could go shopping with Charlie after work, you didn’t want to admit it but you wanted to make a good impression now that you knew you had a second chance. Maybe your parents were right. This could be good for you.

X

Monday morning came zooming than you would have hoped. Your thrifting with Charlie went well and at least now you had a decent enough outfit.

Why did you even want to make a good impression, don’t you loathe this man?

Maybe it was just to avoid the uncomfortable stares from your co-workers. Everyone here looked like they belonged somewhere like they had to succeed.

To be honest, you felt intimidated walking to your office, maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe you should just go home and -

“Ohf, I’m so sorry I didn’t look where I was going.” you apologized.

Your bright e/c eyes traveled up to meet the dark brown ones of the man you had just bumped into. It was him. Max Lord.

“That much is clear.” His words sounded forced, almost like he didn’t even want to waste his time talking to you.

“I...I -“

“Out with it girl.”

“I'm new I’m filling in for Anna.” you managed to string together a sentence while still locking eyes with his.

“Oh yes, I was told you’d be here. Uh, why are you standing about? You know where to go.”

“Yes of course.” You muttered.

“Also, why don’t you get me some hot coffee. I’ll be in my office. Knock before entering.”

And just like that, he walked off. People seemed to be in awe of him, you couldn’t blame them, so were you.

You hurried down to the cafeteria and got Max his coffee, luckily Anna had shown you how to make it. No sugar, no milk, no cream no nothing.

“Black, like his soul.” Anna’s words came back to you. She chuckled when seeing your fearful face.

“I’m only joking, he isn’t all that bad. Just don’t cross him and by no means be a smart mouth.”

You wondered what she had meant by that, why would anyone want to talk back to Max in the first place?

You timidly knocked on his office door and entered when you heard his authoritative voice permitting you.

“Here’s your coffee Mr.Max.”

He looked amused at you, not in a good way.

“Mr.Max? Honestly are you that nervous, it’s pathetic.”

“So just Max then ?” And there it was. It’s his fault he made you want to talk back.

It was your turn to look amused as he almost choked on his coffee.

“Cat got your tongue, Max?” For God’s sake why couldn’t you stop talking.

“You may call me Mr.Lord or Sir if the former is going to be a struggle for you.”

“I guess we’ll have to see.”

You turned on your heels and made for the door, ready to go stick your head in a hole.

“Were you this much trouble working at that pathetic little cafe ?” He spat back.

“Oh, much more Sir.”

X

[letterboxd]

A Leaf in a Stream.

The matriarchs of Minari—Youn Yuh-jung and Han Ye-ri—talk to Aaron Yap about chestnuts, ear-cleaning, dancing, Doctor Zhivago and their unexpected paths into acting.

A delicate cinematic braid that captures the sense of adventure, sacrifice and uncertainty of uprooting, Lee Isaac Chung’s Minari might be the closest approximation of my immigrant experience on the big screen yet. Sure, Arkansas is a world of difference from New Zealand. But those dynamics and emotional textures of a family in the process of assimilation—authentically realized by Chung—remain the same.

The film is a wonder of humane storytelling, with the American-born Chung encasing deeply personal memories in a brittle, bittersweet calibration that recalls the meditative, modest glow and touching whimsy of an Ozu or Kore-eda. As Jen writes, “To describe Minari? Being embraced in a long, warm hug.” Or perhaps, it’s like Darren says, “floating along peacefully like a leaf in a stream”.

Neither is alone in their effusive praise. Minari rapidly rose to the top of Letterboxd’s Official Top 50 of 2020, and by year’s end our community had crowned it their highest-rated film. Despite its cultural specificity—a Korean family shifting to the Ozarks in the 1980s—the film has transcended barriers and stolen hearts. Run director Aneesh Chaganty says, “I saw my dad. I saw my mom. I saw my grandma. I saw my brother. I saw me.” Iana writes, “Its portrayal of assimilation rang so true and for that, I feel personally attacked.” The versatile herb of the title, Kevin observes, is “a marker of home, of South Korea, but it can grow and propagate as long as there is water.”

Though a large portion of Minari was vividly drawn from Chung’s childhood, a few of the film’s most quietly memorable moments were contributions from its Korean-born cast.

Youn Yuh-jung as Soonja in ‘Minari’.

Veteran actress Youn Yuh-jung, who’s extraordinary as the visiting, wily grandmother Soonja, traces the origins of the scene where she cracks open a chestnut in her mouth and hands it to seven-year-old grandson David (Alan Kim), to her time living in America. “I’ve seen one grandmother visiting at the time—we don’t have chestnuts in Florida—she brought them all the way from Korea. Actually it was worse than the scene. My friend’s mother brought [the] chestnut. She chewed it and spit it out into a spoon and shared it with her grandson. Her husband was an Irishman. He was almost shocked. We didn’t do that, but I shared that kind of thing with Isaac.”

Most viewers watching this scene will likely recoil in horror, as David does, but co-star Han Ye-ri, playing Soonja’s daughter Monica, notes the practicality of the gesture: “If you give a big chunk to children they could choke on that, so it’s natural for them to do that for their children.”

In another brief, beautifully serene scene—one that is so rarely depicted in American cinema that it’s almost stunning—Monica is seen gently cleaning David’s ears. Han came up with the idea. “Originally it was cutting the nails for David,” she says. “Cleaning your wife and husband’s ears is such a common thing in Korea. Initially the producer or somebody from the production opposed the idea because they regarded it as dangerous, but because it is something that is so common in our daily lives I thought we should go with the idea.”

Neither actress comes from a traditional movie-oriented background. With no acting ambitions, Youn began her fifty-year career with a part-time job hunt that led her to distributing gifts to an audience at a TV station. “It was freshman year from college and they gave me pretty good money. So I thought, ‘Wow, that’s good!’.”

“I’m kind of ashamed about that, as nowadays all the kids plan their future,” she says. “When I talk to the younger generation, they start having dreams about being an actor in the sixth grade. In the sixth grade, I was just playing—nothing. I didn’t plan anything. [Laughs.]”

Han Ye-ri and Noel Kate Cho in ‘Minari’.

Before acting, Ye-ri trained as a professional dancer, and while she wasn’t specifically inspired by movies to cross over into acting, she was an avid film watcher in her formative years. “Working as an actress made me realize how many films I’ve seen growing up.”

“My first memory of a non-Korean-language film left such a strong impression on me, especially the ending,” she says. “The film is called Doctor Zhivago. I saw it on TV and not in theaters. The first film I saw in theaters was Beauty and the Beast. But even growing up I remember because Koreans love films so much they would have films on TV all the time. I watched a lot of TV growing up because both my parents were busy, and in retrospect that really helped become the basis of my career. [Laughs.]”

She also grew up “taking reference from Miss Youn’s body of work to study from, as did many other actresses”. Grateful for the opportunity to work with her on Minari, Ye-ri says, “On set working with her, it made me realize how wonderful it is that this person still carries her own distinct color and scent. And seeing her taking part in this production in a foreign country—she’s over 70—it just really encouraged me that I should be more fearless like her.” She adds: “One of the things that I really want to learn from her is her sense of humor but I think I’m going to have that for my next life. [Laughs.]”

As for Youn’s adventures in early movie-going, she recalls the first Korean film she saw with her father was the 1956 historical drama Ma-ui taeja, based on a popular Korean fairy tale. “I was so scared. I cried so my father had to take me out of the theater.”

“At [the] time, we always had to watch the news on the screen before the movie. It started with a national anthem and every audience from the theater would need to stand up and pledge to the Korean flag. It’s a very stupid thing for you guys but it was like that 60 years ago.”

Han Ye-ri as Monica in ‘Minari’.

For Minari fans who want to discover more of Youn’s work, she recommends starting with the first movie she made with the late, great director Kim Ki-young, Woman of Fire—a remake of his own 1962 Korean classic The Housemaid. “A long time ago I couldn’t see it. Of course I first saw it when it was shown at the theater back when I was twenty. But later on we had a retrospective, so I saw that movie 50 years later. Wow, he was very genius. I was very impressed. That time we had censorship and everything but with that crisis he made that film. That was a memorable movie to [me].”

Youn admits finding it difficult to be emotionally invested watching a film starring herself, including Minari. “It’s terrible, it’s killing me,” she says. “I always think about why I did this and that scene like that. I’m just criticizing every scene so I’m not enjoying it at all.”

Asked which films she enjoys, she offers: “Some other people’s movies like Mike Leigh and Kore-eda Hirokazu. Your Chinese movies I fell in love with. Zhang Yimou when he started. Then later on when he became a big shot, I don’t enjoy [them]. [Laughs.]”

During the shoot, members of the cast and crew caught Lulu Wang’s The Farewell, 2019’s powerful, heartfelt Chinese-American immigrant story. While Youn missed it (“I was just staying home trying to memorize the lines and resting”), Ye-ri watched with interest: “That film also had a grandmother character, so did ours, and these two are completely different. But at the same time from both films you can feel the warmth and thoughtfulness of grandmothers in different ways. To me they are both very lovely films.”

Of her recent viewings, Ye-ri reveals she found Soul made her as emotional as Minari did. “It made me look back at how I live and my day. It’s not necessarily for children but I think it’s a film for adults. [Pauses.] I’m Thinking of Ending Things. I love that film also.”

‘Minari’ is out now in select theaters across the US and other territories, with virtual screenings available to US audiences in the A24 screening room.

[not-rome]

And I know you’re scared because hearts get broken

Summary: Ethan thought coming out to his family meant they’d stop asking him if he was dating someone. He wanted a normal conversation with them, which meant no mention of if he was dating. The only problem was he never got that. Instead now he has to find a boyfriend before Christmas Eve, and Benny suggests that maybe they could pretend together.  Or, the one where Benny and Ethan fake date in attempt to convince people Ethan has a boyfriend.

Pairings: Benny Weir/Ethan Morgan, Sarah Fox/Erica Jones

Warnings: Swearing (barely that)

Word Count: 5.7k words

Notes: Holiday exchange gift for bennyxweir + title is from Golden – Harry Styles.

Ethan thought coming out to his family meant they’d stop asking him if he was dating someone. He wanted a normal conversation with them, which meant no mention of if he was dating. When he had came out, Jane asked if this meant he had a boyfriend and she then looked disappointed when he said no.

Ethan decided to go visit his mother one day when he wasn’t working at the Starbucks near his university and it was Christmas Break, so he didn’t have any classes that day either. He had called her to see if she had work and she said no, so he drove the 45 minutes to see her.

“So, Ethan, how has school been?” His mother asked as she brought him some water and herself some tea.

They were rarely able to catch up. The last time they had was two months ago, which was when he had come out as gay. No one was phased, it wasn’t expected but it wasn’t surprising. Ethan had secretly wanted for them all to be surprised and speechless, but he knew what happened was what Sarah had told him would happen.

“It’s going good,” he started before taking a drink of water. His eyes flickered to the family photos above the fireplace. “It’s getting harder, but I know I can do it. I do have your determination, don’t I?”

“Of course, you do.” His mother smiled and chuckled at him.

“They want me to start figuring out what specific field to go into. I’m thinking about specializing in cardiology when I become a Nurse Practitioner. What do you think?” He asked as he looked over to his mother who was drinking tea from her cup.

Ethan could tell she didn’t hear him and was zoned out thinking. He would be lying if he said it didn’t scare him. Silence fell between them as he stared at her and she stared into the fireplace.

“Found any boys?” She asked as she looked over at him and held himself back from groaning. He threw his head back though and looked up at the ceiling in annoyance.

“What’s with you and wanting me to be with someone? Am I not allowed to be single?” He asked before he looked back over at her.

“It’d be good for you to find someone. Jane has a boyfriend and she’s happy. I just want you happy,” she said, and Ethan felt bad for getting irritated with her.

He wanted to make her happy, but he didn’t know how.

She had been so excited to go to university and meet new people. Ethan had tried to do that his first year, but now in his seventh year of university and he still only had Benny, Sarah, Rory, and, sometimes, Erica. There had been times where he had met other people, but either Benny didn’t like them, or they just ghosted him. He couldn’t just tell her he was still a loser, even in university.

“Yeah, I found someone,” he said, not thinking.

“Oh really!” She exclaimed, and her eyes went bright and filled with excitement. “Tell me about him.”

Shit.

“W-well we’re not official or anything. I’m not really supposed to say anything,” Ethan stumbled out and she gave him an understanding look. Maybe she knew he was lying. “It’s hard in the beginning, so I couldn’t even picture how hard it is for you, honey.”

So, she couldn’t tell he was lying, and he had no idea what to say. The only time he had had a boyfriend was his second year of university, before he had picked his major, and that was a disaster.

Ethan didn’t know anything, but he wasn’t going to ever date a business major again and he would listen when Benny had a problem with a guy. The only good thing was he learned how to kiss, but even that wasn’t great.

“Yeah, I just don’t want to push the boundaries. I may think it’s more than it actually is,” he lied, and he felt sweaty. He hated lying, had never been good at it. It was even worse to be lying to his mother. “How about you invite him to Christmas Eve?”

Ethan’s eyes widen and he started to shake his head violently. He didn’t know if he could breathe because he was malfunctioning. How was he supposed to say no to the suggestion? “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want to– “

“Don’t be ridiculous, just invite him. It seems you don’t know where you two stand currently because you’re too scared to ask questions,” she said before taking a sip from her tea once again.

Ethan bit at his lip and nodded. Even if he didn’t have anyone this time, she was right about him being too scared. Relationships had always scared him because he didn’t know how to figure out boundaries or how to figure out people.

“O-okay.”

His phone vibrated and he quickly went to look at it. Benny had been calling him repeatedly and texting him profusely. For some reason, this was the first time he had been able to hear it go off.

“Mom, can we catch up more later? Benny needs me,” Ethan said as he looked over to her. She had a knowing smile on her face and nodded.

“Go check on him. If something really bad happened, then tell me and I’ll come as soon as I can,” she said, and he got up quickly.

They exchanged goodbyes and he called Benny to find out he had been locked out of their apartment. Benny had gone to work again and forgotten the key, which was fairly typical. The only times he never forgot his key is when he had class, because he believed naps in between classes was essential. Ethan told him to stop being ridiculous because Benny was computer programming major.

“I wish you were a warlock too so you could just be here with a snap of your fingers,” Benny said through the speakers of Ethan’s car.

“You can’t even do that. We wouldn’t be in this mess if you could,” Ethan said as he drove and there was a huff on the line.

“Yeah, but you’d probably be better at it than I am.”

The compliment made Ethan blush, and he wasn’t sure why. It hadn’t been anything special, but he had recently been struggling with old feelings he used to have for the other boy back in high school. He blamed it being close to the holidays and feeling like he didn’t have anyone special to be there. There was nothing more to it than just that.

“At least I’m not one then. You wouldn’t want me to show you up,” Ethan joked, trying to make it seem like he didn’t notice the compliment (if it was that).

There was a laugh on the other side of the line and then Benny went into a ramble of all the final class assignments he had done. Benny knows it’s what Ethan needs right now, even though Ethan didn’t tell him anything of what was discussed with his mother.

When he gets home, Benny is sitting in the hallway in front of their door and smiling really big. Ethan has to try to not let that flare up his old emotions either.

.............................

It’s about a week later when Ethan brings up that he lied to his mother to Benny. It was takeout night, so they both had their containers of Chinese and Benny was getting the couch ready to watch Star Trek.

“Instead of watching TV, I really need to talk to you,” Ethan said, and Benny looked over at him with an expression of concern and fear.

“Are you kicking me out?”

“Why the hell would I kick you out? You pay half the rent,” Ethan started with scrunched eyebrows before he shook his head. “I got myself in a situation and Sarah has been too busy for me to talk it her about it,” Ethan said, only to receive a fake look of hurt from Benny.

“I’m your supposed best friend and I’m not your first pick!” Benny exclaimed dramatically as he clutched his chest and Ethan rolled his eyes.

“You’re the first to hear about it though.”

Benny turned back to normal, even added a cute smile to the mix. “Okay good.”

“So, remember how I came out to my family?”

“Yeah. I’m still proud of you.”

“So, as I was catching up with my mom, she asked me if I was with someone. I told her yes.”

Benny halted his movements and looked over at Ethan with an expression he couldn’t fully read. His green eyes held confusion, but there was something else. Ethan just couldn’t tell what.

“You’re with someone?”

“No!” Ethan exclaimed and Benny’s expression dropped the thing Ethan couldn’t figure out. “I told my mom because I thought she’d stop asking.”

“You know that sounds stupid, right? Even I know that’s not how it works,” Benny said with a snort.

“I panicked, okay?” Ethan started before he took a bite of his chicken. “The main problem is she told me to ask him to come to Christmas Eve.”

“Why is that the main problem? Just say your imaginary boyfriend said no,” Benny said, and Ethan sighed.

“I had thought that would work, but when I told her that he said no; she told me to actually ask and not lie about it,” the brown eyed boy said with annoyance.

Benny started to laugh so hard he had to put his takeout down on the coffee table. Ethan pushed at him slightly, but he also knew it was kind of funny. His mother couldn’t tell he was lying about having a boyfriend but knew he was lying about him saying no.

“It’s not that funny, B!” Ethan exclaimed and Benny calmed down to look at Ethan. There was something in his look that made the brown eyed boy feel fuzzy all over. “I need to find a boyfriend in the next week.”

“Good luck with that. I think all the good ones are taken for the holidays,” Benny said with a snort and Ethan could tell he was trying his hardest to not laugh again.

“Maybe I could call Jacob again? He had been texting me a couple months ago wanting to meet up, but I told him no,” Ethan thought as he dug into his pocket to fetch out his phone.

“Don’t do that to yourself. We both know how creepy he can be, and he’d think you two would be getting married if he met your parents,” Benny said with a scrunched-up face and Ethan had somehow forgotten how much his best friend hated the business major.

“You’re right, but what do I do?”

Benny looked like wanted to say something so badly, but he didn’t. He shrugged before taking another bite of his food and Ethan groaned at his response. He needed help, not shrugs.

“Maybe you should ask someone close to you,” Benny suggested after the silence between them had been filled with the sounds of eating.

“I could ask Rory?” Ethan asked, mainly to himself. “Only problem is that he wouldn’t eat the food my mom made.”

“I could’ve told you Rory was a bad idea before you even mentioned him,” Benny stated before he stopped and just looked at Ethan.

Benny had changed a lot since high school. He didn’t speak until his thoughts were together, which annoyed everyone but Ethan. He brown eyed boy knew it took time for him to say the right thing. Benny looked away with scrunched eyebrows and a scared look in his eye that he was trying to hide from Ethan.

“I have an idea, but you may hate it.”

“It can’t be worse than Jacob or Rory,” Ethan joked only for Benny to bite his lip and dry laugh in response.

“What if I’m your fake boyfriend?”

Ethan felt himself stop breathing. His heart was racing and for some reason he couldn’t help but want it to not be fake. He hated the thought because he wasn’t supposed to think or feel that anymore, because that was his best friend.

“What?”

Benny’s eyes widened and he nearly dropped his food. Ethan hadn’t thought the calm tone in his voice would’ve been possible or even happen.

“It was just a suggestion, no need to take it. I know it’s probably a weird idea because we’re best friends. I’m sorry,” Benny rambled, and Ethan placed a finger against the other’s lips to shut him up.

“Hey, don’t apologize, but you’re Jewish, B,” Ethan said as he took his finger off the other’s lips.

The curly haired brunette let out a sigh of relief and put on his classic smirk. The smirk that always made Ethan feel weak in the knees, even if he didn’t want that.

“I can still celebrate it with you and your family. They’re practically my family already, so it won’t be awkward,” Benny rationalized, and Ethan chuckled.

“You do have a point, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“E, it’s my idea.”

If he was being honest, Ethan knew it would be a good idea. The two have known each other for years, and it would fit the friends-to-lovers trope everyone loved so much. His parents probably wouldn’t be surprised, and Jane definitely wouldn’t be.

“For it to work, we’d have to even tell Sarah, Erica, and Rory we’re dating because I know Sarah and Erica are coming to Christmas Eve,” Ethan said, and he finally placed his food down on the coffee table. “It’ll all turn into a shit show, because who will believe we’ll still live together when we break up? Those three were forced to ban Jacob from their lives, even though he wasn’t really in it to begin with.”

Benny placed a hand on Ethan’s tense shoulder, causing it to relax immediately. Ethan hated this effect he had on him, because it was so obvious, but Benny hadn’t noticed in nearly 10 years. Part of Ethan wanted to tell Benny he loved the idea, adored it because it meant they’d be together like sophomore Ethan would’ve loved.

“That’s fine. We’ll figure it out as it goes. We can always just say that we realized it didn’t work out because we’ve been friends for so long it was weird. It happens all the time with best friends,” Benny said, and Ethan looked unsure, but he nodded anyways.

“So, will we start with telling Sarah, Erica, and Rory when they come over for our holiday party?” Ethan asked and Benny nodded. “We have three days until that, so we better figure out how to seem like a real couple.”

Benny nodded at him slowly before cracking a small smile. He reached out and took Ethan’s hand, intertwining the fingers, and Ethan’s breath hitched. They had held hands before, but it had been in times of danger, and this felt different. He didn’t know how to describe it, but it just felt different.

“We’ll figure it out. Start off slow and work up to what we’ll do next week at the Christmas Eve,” Benny reassured him, and Ethan just nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

This was going to be hard if Benny just holding his hand made him speechless. How was he going to survive?

.............................

“They’re going to expect more than just hand holding, you know?” Benny asked as he referred to their friends that would be coming over in a couple hours. He was right and Ethan knew that, because he had kissed Jacob in front of them multiple times as they were dating.

Benny was more open with affection when he was with someone. It drove Ethan insane when they were younger, because he didn’t want to see Benny holding someone as he whispered soft words to them and kissed them gently. It had been really bad when Benny had his first love, Catherine, because all he did was talk about her. They were together all the time and Benny never listened to Ethan when he said he didn’t trust her.

“What do you say we do?” Ethan asked as he looked over to Benny, who was in the kitchen.

“They’re going to expect us to kiss, at least once,” Benny said, and Ethan was scared to kiss Benny if he was being honest. “Are you comfortable enough to do that?”

No, Ethan wanted to say. No, because then that’ll make this feel real and I can’t handle the future of us ‘breaking up’ if I fall in love again.

“I guess, should we test it out now?” Ethan asked and Benny hummed a yes as he walked over to the boy on the couch.

Benny was so close to him as he sat down, towering over him and the soft smile made Ethan’s heart accelerate. Benny slowly placed a hand on Ethan’s cheek, his thumb softly caressing he skin. “Is this okay?” Benny’s voice was low and soft, which made Ethan just nod in fear not being able to speak.

Benny leaned down and Ethan felt his eyes fluttering close and soon their lips were touching. Ethan expected it to be a peck, something simple, but Benny held him closer to him longer than the other thought would happen. Ethan’s hand gripped at Benny’s shirt as he started to move his lips and Benny followed suit.

He was warm all over, fuzzy and light. All he could feel was Benny, which was all that was going through Ethan’s brain as well. Ethan’s hands roamed up to the other’s hair and gripped at the hairs on the nape of the neck.

He needed Benny closer. He wanted them to feel like they had merged and have that connection he always dreamed of them having. Ethan was so in love with Benny and he didn’t want to be, because this would only break his heart in the end.

Ethan pulled away to breathe and Benny smiled at him. Something about the smile was different than his typical smiles, but Ethan didn’t say anything about it. He wanted to surge back up and kiss him again, but Benny dropped the hand cupping Ethan’s face.

Ethan’s hands came down to his sides and he expected this all to feel weird, but it didn’t. They were still Benny and Ethan, even with that near make-out.

“I think we’ve got this, don’t you?” Benny asked, and Ethan’s heart sank.

He had somehow forgotten that this wasn’t real; that they weren’t in love.

Ethan nodded shyly as he mumbled a soft ‘yeah.’ Soon enough Benny was back in the kitchen making food for their friends that would be there in an hour and a half.

He slowly stood up and felt heartbreak drench him. There was no reason to be hurt over this, over something that never actually happened, because Ethan knew they weren’t going to end up together. They weren’t going to fall in love and live happily ever after. He knew this was a bad idea, but he couldn’t say anything to Benny without revealing something on accident.

“Hey,” Ethan said as he turned to look at Benny, who was already staring at him. The attention made his cheeks burn slightly. “Maybe we should try to kiss again, but not as much? We don’t want to make a show for them, seems a bit rude.”

Benny set down whatever he had been holding and started to walk over to him. Ethan was scared at the silent nature of the other, because he would be trying to reassure him. So, the brown eyed boy believed he had crossed a line until he realized he hadn’t.

Benny wrapped an arm around his waist and held him close. Held him like he used to hold Catherine. Ethan could tell that Benny knew he had stopped breathing. It was the way he smirked down at him and Ethan couldn’t function.

“I’ll hold you like this when we pass,” Benny started as he squeezed back slightly. “Then I’ll place my hand on your cheek and lean in after a second.”

He placed a soft kiss on Ethan’s lips. Ethan kissed back slightly, but Benny pulled away after a few seconds. His smirk remained on his face while Ethan was bright red. He could just blame it on not being all that experienced in kissing, which was true, but that wasn’t the truth.

“I’ll kiss you softly and pull away,” Benny said, and the smirk turned into a smile. “No worries, it’ll be a lot faster when it actually happens.”

Ethan nodded, and Benny let go of his waist. He went back to the kitchen as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, and Ethan was angered by it.

He was angry Benny wasn’t affected by him like he was affected by Benny.

“He’s not affected, because he’s not in love with you,” Ethan thought bitterly.

Ethan left the room, unable to look at Benny right now without feeling so angry he could explode. He knew he loved Benny, and he hated it. He would always hate this feeling of unrequited love, but he knew it was the constant in their lives.

.............................

Ethan was the one who always opened the door when guests came over. Benny was always doing something he claimed to be more important than answering the door. It was just the one thing he always did, but Benny was next to him and an arm wrapped around his shoulders. It felt unnatural and he wondered if it looked unnatural too. There was no way they looked like a happy couple currently. Then again, it’s hard to look like a couple when you’re not.

“We have to make them believe from the get-go, baby,” Benny said, and Ethan was starting to regret this more and more.

He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to keep this a secret from Sarah.

Benny was the one to open the door, which was probably the first time since they moved into this apartment seven years ago. Sarah and Erica stood there, holding hands, and Sarah was holding most of the presents while Erica held one.

Sarah was smiling until she saw the arm wrapped around Ethan, as well as his expression. He could tell she wanted to say something, but she didn’t know what. So, her smile falter for a second before she fixed it, but this time it looked forced.

“Come on in,” Benny said right when Sarah looked like she was ready to say something.

Ethan was scared to look over at Erica, because if anyone was to figure out it was fake; it would be her. Maybe him being in love with Benny would confuse her, because one of them wouldn’t be acting.

“So,” Sarah drawled out as she and Erica walked into the small apartment. “Anything you two would like to share?”

“Yeah, seems you’re a lot closer than you were last time we saw you,” Erica said, and Ethan looked over at her to see her lower her sunglasses to look him in the eye.

“I’m glad you’ve noticed!” Benny exclaimed with an excited grin, but Ethan could see through him. Benny was scared too that this wasn’t going to work, but he somehow still kept the confidence. “Would you like to tell them, baby?”

Ethan blushed harder than before at the pet name, because this time it was said in front of others.

“B-Benny and I are d-dating,” Ethan stumbles out and he look at his hands to avoid the stares the girls would have.

“Okay, cool,” Sarah said, and he looked up to see her smiling at him. “I’m happy for you two.”

“Same,” Erica chimed as she sat on their couch and Sarah soon joined her.

Ethan went to follow the two, sit in their smaller chairs so they could keep the couch, but Benny pulled Ethan to where he was looking at him. Just like he had said earlier, he kissed him for three seconds before letting him sit down. Benny sat at the chair sitting across from Ethan and gave him a wink.

“So, what made you two realize you liked each other?” Sarah asked, and Ethan knew what to say; he and Benny had gone over it several times.

“It’s one of those things where you always know,” Ethan said with a chuckle. “He was singing as he cooked dinner, and I just finally said something.

“I had known before he said anything,” Benny started with a dreamy sigh. “Every Takeout Tuesday made me fall more and more with his shitty Star Trek commentary.”

Benny stopped, and Ethan stared at him as if to urge him to go on. Benny’s unsure expression made Sarah look between the two confused. Benny opened his mouth before closing them without saying anything.

“Baby, are you okay?” Ethan asked, and the pet name felt foreign on his tongue. Benny’s cheeks turned pink and he nodded.

“Yeah, I’m just a little caught up in how many times I knew.”

What was Benny doing? That wasn’t part of the script. Ethan knew his eyes were wide and confused, but no one commented on it. Benny looked like he was about to cry, but it was obvious no one knew what to do.

“What do you mean?”

Erica looked intrigued between the two of them and Ethan believed she knew they weren’t together. It was such an unlikely thing to happen that it made sense it wasn’t real. Sarah probably only believed it because she wanted Ethan to finally be with the boy he had always loved.

“There’s been many times I knew. So many times, and I’m just now realizing it.”

The other three remained silent, giving Benny all of their attention. He looked nervous, which was unlike him. The green-eyed boy typically looked cocky and sure of himself, but now he looked nervous and scared. He bit at his lip and rubbed his eyes before he spoke again.

“Times from high school when you’d talk about some guy you believed was your soulmate.”

That was you, Ethan thought, you were my soulmate.

“When you dated Jacob, I was so fucking jealous. I wanted to be him and kiss you like that. I wanted to be the one you adored, but you only looked at him.”

“Where is this coming from, Benny?” Ethan asked, and the other looked like he had finally realized what he had been saying. Realized they weren’t alone, because Erica and Sarah were watching him carefully.

“Sorry, I’m going to take a step outside,” Benny quickly said before scrambling to leave the apartment.

“I’m sorry you guys experienced that. It was really personal,” Ethan said, and Erica snorted.

“I’m just glad he’s finally realizing. It’s been painful watching him be confused and jealous for so long,” Erica said, and Ethan looked at her confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“Have you seriously never noticed?” Erica asked and Ethan shook his head. “He’s been trying to get your attention since his breakup with Catherine.”

“No he hasn’t,” he snapped. “He told me he had only realized last month, after I confessed to him how I feel.”

He knew Benny wasn’t in love with him, because he just couldn’t be. Ethan was used to being friends and loving him from a distance. He was used to the unrequited love trope known as his life, but he had repressed those feelings for so long. He had repressed those feelings until he felt sick at night with want. He didn’t want to hear about a different story.

He didn’t want there to be a whole lifetime of where he could’ve been with Benny. If there was, he wouldn’t know what to do.

“Benny started liking you since your sophomore year of high school,” Erica said with a matter of fact tone. “You came to school in an outfit Sarah and Jane had picked out for you, and he wouldn’t stop staring.”

“I probably looked different. I would’ve stared too.”

“Rory once had a crush on you,” Sarah said, and Ethan tilted his head with scrunched eyebrows.

“What? When?”

“It was your junior year, and we were all getting fro-yo while you were studying for the ACT,” Sarah started, and Ethan pouted at hearing he hadn’t been invited to get fro-yo even if it had been years ago. “You had just recently come out to us, and Rory made a comment about asking you out. Benny freaked out by telling Rory to back-off.”

“Why would he tell Rory to back off?”

“At the time, we thought he was just being overprotective, because you had just recently come out. After a couple years though, it wasn’t just because you had recently come out,” Sarah said, and Erica chuckled. He knew she was laughing about the fact Ethan had been so oblivious.

“Then why didn’t he do anything sooner?” He asked, and Erica sighed.

“I remember he was going to, he had a whole plan, but then you brought Jacob home and announced you two were dating,” the blonde said, and Ethan felt so stupid.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, you should go talk to him yourself, dumbass,” Erica said, but there was a soft smile on her face, which meant she didn’t mean it in a fully aggressive way.

He stood up and excused himself, but the girls paid no attention to him as they went into a conversation of their own.

The walk to the elevator felt too long and nerve-wracking for him this time around. Ethan pressed the level 1 option, but it was reluctant. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say once he saw Benny. Would Benny even be down there? Would he have taken a drive?

Benny was sitting in the lobby of their apartment building, staring at his phone. Ethan slowly went over and sat next to him. Benny jumped at him sitting down, and Ethan knew it was because he hadn’t said anything when he did so.

“Hey,” Benny said nervously, and Ethan grabbed the other’s hand tightly.

“Hey,” Ethan responded, but for once he didn’t sound nervous. He had no idea of what was about to happen, but he knew they’d always be Benny and Ethan.

“I’m sorry about what happened up there, I know it wasn’t according to plan,” Benny started. “I guess I haven’t been honest with you or myself in a long time.”

Ethan just continued to smile at him as he turned his body to be facing him more. Benny’s breath hitched so audibly it surprised the brown-eyed boy. He was focused on the green-eyed boy, and he could tell it made Benny even more nervous.

“You know that boy I believed was my soulmate?” Ethan asked, and Benny reluctantly nodded. “He was you. The only way to express my crush to more than just Sarah was to make up a name you’d never expect.”

Benny stared at him, and Ethan could tell he was trying to figure out what to say. Ethan would give him the time he needed like he always did, because Ethan knew he needed it. Benny’s eyes flickered from Ethan’s face to their intertwined fingers and he looked vulnerable.

“Catherine wasn’t my first love,” Benny whispered as if he was scared to talk any louder, and Ethan waited for him to continue. “You were, or I suppose are. I suggested to be your fake boyfriend so I could finally feel what it would be like.”

Ethan’s free hand was placed to Benny’s cheek. His thumb stroked the skin like Benny had done to him and he felt confidence in it. Felt confidence at the way the other started to blush and looked back down at their hands.

“Did you enjoy what it felt like?”

“Yes,” Benny started before taking a deep breath. “But it hurt. It still hurts to know you don’t want me to be with you, even when I’ve begged for this moment for years.”

“How do you know I don’t want to be with you? How are you so sure?” Ethan was leaning closer, but Benny hadn’t caught the hint yet.

“You didn’t seem to like the idea of me being the boyfriend.”

“Because I was scared the feelings I repressed would come back. I scared, because I believed you didn’t want me either.”

“Oh.”

Ethan was so close to Benny, he assumed the other could feel his breath on his lips, even though he was shorter than him. For once, he felt so in control of the situation, and he noticed Benny’s eyes fluttering close. So, he pulled him down and kissed him in the empty apartment complex lobby.

It was softer than the other kisses they shared, because this time they were finally on the same page. Ethan kissed with a fierceness to show the love he harbored for the other. The love that could be harbored by 100 people, but it was all in Ethan for Benny. He pulled away and looked up at the other with a smile.

“That was better than the other ones,” Benny commented immediately before turning bright red.

“You’re right, it definitely was,” Ethan said as he started to take his hand away from the other’s face, but Benny grabbed it and kept it there.

“Don’t let go,” Benny whispered. “If you don’t let go, then it’s not a dream.”

“I’ll never let go of you, because after nine years; I’m still hopelessly in love with you,” Ethan told him as his thumb stroked the skin once more. “What if we drop the fake part of the fake boyfriends title?”

“Are you sure I’m not dreaming?” Benny asked, and Ethan giggled slightly at the question. “Let’s drop it, please.”

“Okay, so you’re my boyfriend.”

Benny broke out in a wide smile before leaning down to kiss Ethan again and again and again. It felt so natural between them, like they had been living in the story line Ethan envied. When they got back to their apartment, Rory was there and talking to the girls, who looked over at the new couple with grins.

[danwhobrowses]

Justice League Snyder Cut - Review

Fan Power has willed the Justice League back to life

The much-awaited Snyder Cut came out earlier this week and at last I have found time to watch it, so now it’s time to review it

Did it live to the hype or did it fall and flounder like Whedon’s?

Spoilers for the Snyder Cut underneath, find 4 hours to watch it and come back. You can watch via HBO Max, NowTV (who do a 7-day free trial) and Sky Cinema

I will also preface that these are my opinions, everyone has them and they are not all the same, these are my thoughts about the film

And I did like the movie, I think it was much better than the Whedon one but not as much a flawless masterpiece it could’ve been

What wasn’t Great Every movie has flaws, and longer movies tend to have more flaws. While these are gonna be things I didn’t think were great about the movie this does not mean they entirely ruin the film for me.

4 Hours is Probably Too Long The 4-Hour runtime was manageable in terms of pacing, however, there were several scenes that kinda felt like padding - which for a 4-hour movie isn’t really necessary. Scenes like the two where it’s just a character walking to a song wasn’t needed and felt more like it was there for the sake of it being in trailers, and while I am a heavy advocate of trailers not showing us scenes not in the movie. As much as it was nice to see Iris West, because it didn’t really do anything for the film it didn’t need to be in the film, Quality over Quantity. The Epilogue’s Knightmare and Martian Manhunter sequence for the most part felt like it was lumped on too, like we had 2 other Knightmare Sequences of Superman breaking bad, the third one didn’t really give us anything new except for Joker, Mera and Deathstroke being a part of the Knightmare Squad.

Some Still Sour Casting While not entirely Snyder’s fault you do get a bit of a pit having to see some actors reprising their role, Amber Heard as Mera particularly. Eisenberg’s Luthor also didn’t feel like it was much better (though these were old scenes, I am aware of that). Leto’s Joker also was a mixed bag, ups and downs.

Keeping Some Bad Scenes from Whedon, and Cutting the Few Good Whedon Scenes So while it was rumored that the film would be completely different from the Whedon JL film it was of course not the case. While many, many scenes were altered, some scenes that weren’t too great still made it to the Snyder Cut, small scenes with crappy dialogue for sure but you notice them. I think the one that annoyed me though was the omission of the good scene in the Whedon version and it’s when Bats gives Flash the ‘Save One Person’ pep talk, I thought that scene went a long way in imbuing Flash with the confidence to embrace his heroics more, I also liked when he sharpied the guy’s face before visiting his dad in prison, sold his more playful personality.

Flash needs to Pick a Lane As much as Flash was the comic relief character at times, it did feel like he would flit between Competent and Incompetent throughout the film. This is where the Whedon JL pep talk scene could’ve forgave this, because Flash will either be invaluable in a fight, or a detriment to himself and others, sometimes at the same time. Boy trips over a lot! And his Iris scene was kinda creepy...

...And So Does Diana’s Romance Angle Frankly, Diana doesn’t need a romantic subplot, it doesn’t really progress her character at all for the situation at hand. But across the film there seemed to be bits here and there that looked like the movie wanted to nudge potential romances with her and other League members, and that’s members plural. The main romance seems to be the Bruce/Diana bit, they have had a tiny flirt in BVS so the one scene makes sense, but then there was this weird energy with her and Cyborg and then also her and Aquaman. I can understand the sentiment that every dude there finds her attractive but it’s not exactly necessary to try and push any of the three to be more than platonic, and Diana isn’t quite the mother hen trope that Alfred is.

Some CGI and Dialogue doesn’t quite fit TV CGI of course gets a hit and miss, but Cyborg many times does suffer a bit of uncanny valley, as does Steppenwolf’s armor. The dialogue also suffers sometimes, some things that look good on paper don’t come across the same way because of the tone and inflection used in the speaker. A prime example is when Diana, for some reason, only seems to call Clark by his Kryptonian name, another being Silas’ recording to Victor. The ‘Mrs’ ‘Doctor’ is always a cringey cliché, the headmaster wasn’t undermining you by gender, if he called Silas Mr. Stone there wouldn’t be such offence, it’s just an eyeroll. Cyborg’s ‘Didn’t think you were real’ is also dumb in context, he is a cyborg made from a Mother Box who recently talked to an Amazon goddess and fought Parademons, he knows about Superman but the Dude dressed in a Bat Suit for 20 years can’t possibly be real.

“This Place, it’s Toxic” This is a small one, but Steppenwolf’s base of operations isn’t much better than Whedon’s. Though it’s not populated, it’s supposed to be toxic, something Steppenwolf makes not of when he arrives. But all that kinda goes out the window when the Justice League lot come in and raid it. At the least when Whedon’s had a family living in it we could see that the environment wasn’t too hostile for humans to breathe in let alone fight in.

Cyborg’s ‘heart’ doesn’t fully land Upon promoting the Snyder Cut, a lot of focus came down to Ray Fisher’s Cyborg. The promotion suggested that he would be the ‘heart’ of the story, and the league, but upon watching the story unfold it didn’t quite land. When I hear that someone’s the ‘heart’, it’s more than just that they are core to it, it means that they carry the emotional story as well, and Cyborg’s emotional story wasn’t really something to be moved by. He rightfully has resent for his father and his father tries to make up for it, mutually having care for each other but not being great at showing it. While Cyborg was a good character showing good development, I wouldn’t say he kept the promotion of him being the heart of the movie. Also his ‘helping’ breaks the financial system, I mean you could’ve helped a different way.

There’s not Six, there’s Seven! But J’onn sits this one out The reveal of Martian Manhunter was great, J’onn has been one of my favourite DC heroes since the animated Justice League Unlimited where Carl Lumbly gave us a uniquely compassionate, intuitive and someone ethereal kind of hero. But in Justice League his reveal as the army guy in Man of Steel left me lacking a little bit, why has J’onn sat out of this? If he’s been around since MoS he would’ve had some idea of all the stuff going on from BVS and JL, and it’s not like he’s simply not caring because his human form is a military person sworn to protect people. It just would’ve been nicer if J’onn’s contribution was more than just getting Lois out of the house you know? Like if he was saving other hostages from Parademons or gifting the League intel it would have been nice. Also, ditch the glowing eyes, I know he has red eyes but the glow makes it more menacing, at first I thought Martha had been Parademon’d or had the Omega imprint.

Apokalips Technology kinda sucks For a planet that has razed several tens of thousand of planets, mind controlling their lives into Parademons, being able to open Boom Tubes and capable of space flight, the technology the League face doesn’t seem that great. Consider Steppenwolf’s 'Stronghold’; it is easily undone by breaking the ‘tower’ which the Batplane crushed through like a Kit Kat bar - after penetrating a weak outer shell - after that the Parademons have cannons that can barely even harm the Flash and stormtrooper aim. It does really feel like the only valid technology Apokalips brings to Earth is on Steppenwolf’s person, but even that suffers. Clark freezes the axe and shatters it with his breath, his armor is eye lasered off - more on those later - even though Bruce’s gauntlets were able to stave off the lasers for a bit. Consider that: Alfred built gauntlets that fared just as well as Steppenwolf’s armor...it just feels off. And it wouldn’t be as bad if the technology was praised, but Steppenwolf made note of how primitive the technology was, then lost. Even with the Mother Boxes that brought Clark back to life and were said to be able to rearrange matter however it is willed, but Steppenwolf’s fortress couldn’t make it out of a sturdier material.

Amazons take the L The Amazons are a warrior race, with superhuman power, no fear and enhanced skills in combat - but they barely ever win. Granted, the Amazons had to lose to Steppenwolf, but they were for the most part wasted as they were with Whedon. This would’ve been much easier to stomach if the Amazons were showing contributing better to the Darkseid flashback, but you don’t really see any of them fight Darkseid like the Atlantean King, the Greek Gods and the Green Lantern. You could make a call for Artemis being the Amazon pile since her arrow warns Diana but it’s not exactly enough, I don’t think it helps that the Amazons are consistently bringing swords to a gun fight. They only lasted longer than the Atlanteans in protecting the Mother Box because they kept throwing it out of Steppenwolf’s reach, only earning credit for failure and stubbornness.

Also I have to add, the Female Chanting that becomes the Amazon and Wonder Woman’s theme was heavily overused to the point where I got sick of it, needed more of Diana’s actual theme.

Too Much Slowmo! Snyder has his style, but he needs to have some restraint. Some slow-motion scenes did hurt the pacing. Slow Motion needs to fit a purpose of showing something we’d want to see that at normal speed would be hard to track, Bryan Singer knew this, but Snyder uses Slowmo as much as JJ Abrams uses lens flares.

Look at these Cars, MERCEDES CARS! Product placement happens, it needs to, but Mercedes needed to be a little less blatant with it. The cars looked ugly as balls as well.

The Over-Deifying of Clark Kent *sigh* So this is gonna probably be a me issue more than anything. I understand the crux of the plot is that Superman kept the Mother Boxes from calling Steppenwolf before, but I have to make this clear: Superman is NOT a God.

I have to make this clear because Diana is a God, daughter of Zeus, and she frequently struggled against Steppenwolf alone. While the resurrected Clark going unchained against the League led to the cool scene of Flash noticing that Clark can track him, it still left the sour realisation that in this universe, Superman is above all the other 5 league members combined, as well as being almost as fast as the Flash...who can turn back time. And that always hurts, Diana and Aquaman have at certain times of the comics slapped around Superman and have more than been enough to be his physical equal - the same is for J’onn and Shazam btw, Supes is weak to magic. It annoys me because making Superman the alpha defeats what makes Superman the leader, he’s considered one of the best heroes not because he’s the strongest but because he is humble, kind and reasonable, regardless of his genetic strength from an extinct race of aliens what makes Clark Superman is the Kansas Boy Scout attitude and what made the Mother Boxes fear him should’ve been his ability to bring people together.

His flexing on Steppenwolf did not nearly give me the catharsis others might have had, Diana’s sword and gauntlets are godly relics but a Kryptonian eye laser can fare better against Steppenwolf’s armor, Kryptonians aren’t gods.

Also they don’t really explain how Clark can resume normal life, people think he’s dead.

What was Great Okay that did look like a lot of complaints...but remember, 4 hours! There was still a lot more enjoyable moments and improvements upon the Whedon version, which we can delve into now.

Improved Character and Motivation Of the characters in the Snyder Cut there is definitely a greater improvement in fleshing out the main League Members think and feel, where they come from becomes key to how they act. This also is true for Steppenwolf, while a fully disappointing villain in Whedon, Snyder kills the ‘mommy issues’ dialogue and paints a much more desperate, outcasted and slightly pitiful antagonist, even in his defeat it’s shown just how little Darkseid cared. The inclusion of Darkseid also adds to Steppenwolf, because we see the head of the table we know that if Steppenwolf is overwhelmed there is still Darkseid, who was so tough that it took 2 of the strongest gods to wound him. While his emotional story didn’t land so well, Cyborg getting the backstory and the mental turmoil really helped with his character and made his declaration of ‘I’m not broken’ earned and emotive, through Vulko - and Dafoe’s glorious mane - we get to explore Aquaman’s reluctance to meet expectations of him a bit further. Affleck’s Batman also gets good development, attempting to assemble the League out of honoring his promise to Clark and trying to bring himself out of the darkness and anger. Barry’s dad happily rejoicing that Barry has his ‘foot in the door’ was also a sweet moment.

In the Knightmare sequence we see improvement in Leto’s Joker, a lot more like the Joker we are fond of and his underhanded taunting of Batman. Remove the orange gloves though...

R for Red, Blood Red I read somewhere in criticism of the Snyder Cut that it did not earn its R Rating, and I think that was dumb. You got blood, violence and cursing, Steppenwolf freaking bisects a dude and the rating allows Diana to behead Steppenwolf at the end. There’s believable brutality that never comes off as overcompensating or gratuitous.

The Fakeout That caught us off-guard didn’t it? A great way to use Flash’s time travelling powers by having the Unity actually be achieved. Seeing the Unity atomize Superman as well as Arthur and Diana was also a good display of the dangerous power of the Mother Boxes. For a film where we already know what’s going to happen because we’ve seen it before, the fakeout of the League failing was a great shock value moment.

Good Exposition The story had a lot of background  and backstory to cover, so it had to make sure that the exposition they used wouldn’t be dumps of preachy dialogue. This was done really well thanks to the way the story showed Cyborg’s abilities, producing simulations that Vic would then walk through such as when he explained the Mother Boxes, the Murals in the tomb forewarning Darkseid’s first invasion - which later became the flashback story - and the Mother Box visions were able to tell valuable information without overwhelming the audience with it.

Knightmare Warnings Although the final Knightmare warning was kinda lumped on the wrong place, it continued to give us teases of a different scenario, the fear of what will happen when Darkseid comes to Earth. Seeing the deaths of Aquaman and Wonder Woman paired with what seems to be the incineration of Lois and then Clark breaking bad forewarned Cyborg in a similar manner to how Bruce was warned in BVS and the epilogue. The scenes also teased their importance to the Knightmare resistance, since Cyborg and Bruce look to be a part of a bigger role which can be key to preventing such a thing. 

The Knightmare scenario did also make me want to see more of this apocalyptic scenario, as well as all the dynamics had with Bruce, Joker, Cyborg, Deathstroke and Flash (but not Mera, unless they change her actress because Fuck Amber Heard) as they try to face off with evil Superman.

Some Nice Easter Eggs As well as the awesome Martian Manhunter reveal and the Age of Heroes Green Lantern, we got cameos from Zeus, King Atla, King Arthur, Ares, Artemis, Iris West, Deathstroke, Joker, Commissioner Gordon - who looks really similar to his BTAS design, the voices of Jor-El and Johnathon Kent, Darkseid and Granny Goodness, we also got Ryan Choi - the third Atom - as Silas’ assistant and a cool nod with the policeman Lois gives coffee to every day. That guy is Mark McClure, who played Jimmy Olsen in the Reeve Superman and Dax-Ur in Smallville. There’s of course the Black Suit, which looks amazing, the code for the Mother Box is the issue which Cyborg’s origin story is introduced, one of the cops Crispus Allen would later become the Spectre and we finally see Arkham Asylum. You can also see Kilowog dead at the foot of the Hall of Justice in Cyborg’s Knightmare vision. You can also still see the open pod on the Kryptonian’s ship, implying Supergirl.

Two Fathers / Using Zimmer’s Flight Perfectly Zimmer’s ‘Flight’ is perhaps one of my favourite themes in Superhero movies, definitely the best in the DCEU next to Diana’s theme, so to hear it be used at the very mention of Superman was great. To hear it more than once was even better, especially in the Black Suit scene. With Superman about to return to the fight, hearing encouragement from his birth father and his Earth father was a wonderful touch, getting to finally embrace himself in the way Jor-El hoped and with the blessing of Johnathon. While the Amazon chanting was overused the film definitely made good on the rest of its music hitting at the right time.

Stronger Visuals While the visuals of Whedon’s version were never god awful, there was a lot of great visual moments in the Snyder Cut, Flash’s super speed scenes of course being one of the main highlights. Snyder is one for showing artistic frames and it does shine a lot here, the Comic Spread scene when attacking the Stronghold, the lineup after the battle, the view of Apokolips, the mural and even the Anti-Life Equation looked amazing. I particularly liked the ‘Melted Iron Zoom Call’ Steppenwolf did to contact Desaad and Darkseid.

Legitimate and Varying Dynamics Between Characters If every hero got along the same way then you’re not really doing much with your characters. Snyder made sure that each character had a varying level of dynamic with them, for instance: Barry is the same personality by default but he’s intimidated by Bruce, crushes on Diana, scared of Arthur and tries to pal with Vic and that affects his approach, Arthur doesn’t treat Vic the same way he treats Barry or Diana and so on. The dynamic is also sold by stuff like Bruce’s desire to atone with Clark, or Diana and Arthur’s people having been at war with one another causing distrust. There’s also the relationship between Vic and his Father which tragically only starts on the path of making amends, Alfred’s micro-managing of Diana’s tea making, Barry’s less-enthusiastic demeanor when around his dad, Bruce’s ‘hate you but need you’ dynamic with Joker and Steppenwolf’s estrangement with the rest of the New Gods are properly expressed.

Setting Up a Bunch More If the DCEU decides against picking up from the plot points of the Snyder Cut it’d be a huge mistake. As well as uniting the Justice League we’ve set up a future villain in Darkseid and Deathstroke, future members in Atom and Martian Manhunter (not to mention Shazam and the potential for Green Lantern), a potential AU film of Knightmare, and future normal developments with characters such as the potential Lois pregnancy and Barry getting a forensics job. With the Mother Boxes still on Earth as well there is potential to use them in a similar way that Infinity Stones were used in the MCU, Atom gaining abilities from the alien technology for instance such as introducing Nth Metal and then Hawkman and Hawkgirl, or just making more and the introduction of the New Gods allows other characters such as Mister Miracle, this can easily be a stepping stone for a lot more DC content to varying degrees.

Conclusion This film was very good, not the best superhero film ever but definitely a labor of love that succeeded in its expectations and bettered its previous version in nearly every way. Despite seeing the Whedon version and it having a similar plot it still had moments that surprised and excited me and the characters all felt better, whether every cut will have the same acclaim will be up for debate but the fan-charged attempt to salvage DC’s Justice League is definitely a success.

[emybain]

The Blessings of Parenthood

here’s my gift for @ruby-assassin for the renegades exchange (run by @ruby-assassin and @narcissacronin)! im not usually a procrastinator but i procrastinated a lot on this, so i apologize! im also not very good at writing any of my favorite characters as parents:( i hope you enjoy this! it’s a group of snippets of osby as parents that i randomly came up with. the first one is based off of a tiktok that had me dying with laughter, so i had to include it lol. 

ao3

Candy. This was because of candy. 

Ruby rubbed her temples with one hand as she got a glass from the cupboard and went over to the fridge to fill it up with ice. The usually obnoxious groaning and clattering of the ice machine was almost music to her ears, at least in comparison to the piercing screams not ten feet from her. She only glanced at her four year old daughter, who was a mess on the floor. Her face was red from sobbing and screaming, yet her cheeks were void of tears. Typical. Ruby sighed and popped off the cap to the vodka, pouring the appropriate amount for the occasion. 

The crying stopped. “Wha’re you doing?” Charlotte demanded. Ruby cracked open the soda can. “What are you doing?” Her voice became increasingly frustrated when her mother didn’t answer the first time. 

“Trying to survive, baby girl.” Ruby swirled her drink and took a sip, turning around to face her daughter. 

Lottie’s face scrunched up again, and she scrambled from the floor, stumbling over to Ruby to try and snatch the cup away. “Stooooop!” 

As if some supernatural being was truly looking out for her, there was the sound of doors closing and a car locking. They were back from the grocery store. Ruby set her cup down and picked up her dramatic little actress, who pushed away at Ruby.

“Let’s go help Daddy and the boys unload the car, yeah?” she said in an overly cheery voice. 

Lottie sniffled, though Ruby couldn’t detect any snot from her nose. Yep. Actress in the making. “Did-did they get candy?”

They did, Ruby knew, as she had shot Oscar a text twenty minutes ago before this whole tantrum erupted. “Well, if you help unload, you’ll see, won’t you, muffin?”

She finally stopped struggling in Ruby’s arms as Ruby opened up the screen door and walked out into the sunshine to greet her boys. Suddenly, Lottie was all too happy to see her father and her brothers. It was as though the past fifteen minutes had never happened. Ruby had to snort.

Children were truly an enigma.

_____

They could’ve been born yesterday, for all Ruby knew. 

She vividly remembered the day they came home from the hospital. Oscar had been a mess the entire ride home. Ruby had even offered to drive, seeing as she had been more composed than him. Somehow, they managed to make it back to their apartment at the time. It was a good apartment. Served its purpose and made a good home for a young married couple, but that was also before the triplets came along. 

Oscar was terrified that the dogs would be overwhelmed by the three additions to their family, but surprisingly, they took it well. More than well, actually. The labradors were fiercely protective over the babies and loved them more than anything. Even now, as they were surrounded by their family and extended, non-related family, the dogs, now old pups, sat behind the three siblings as everyone sang Happy Birthday. They were getting so big, practically grown ups. Charlotte was a vibrant ray of sunshine, in contrast to her moody toddler years. Andrew was a softie like his mother and an avid reader. Benjamin was like a mini-Oscar, acting just like him all the way down to the massive appetite. 

Ruby looked around the crowded patio. From her parents and brothers and their families to Oscar’s mother to all of their friends. So much had changed. Her twin brothers were both married and had kids, though they were younger than her own. Still, the cousins got along fine. Danna and Narcissa were recently married, just returning from their honeymoon in time for the birthday party. Nova and Adrian had been married for a couple years now. Their wedding had been the most down-low thing Ruby had ever seen. A courthouse ceremony followed by a friends and family gathering. They didn’t have kids, and Ruby doubted they would ever have any of their own based on Nova’s aversion to small children and their own personal reasons, but they were fostering an eight year old, Rose, who had been considered part of the family since the day she arrived. She could tell Nova was fond of her, especially since they had a lot in common. It made Ruby think of Nova’s sister, Maggie, who wasn’t with them for the party. Ruby never got to know the girl very well, but she was almost positive the two sisters kept in touch, despite their falling out years ago. 

The triplets blew out the candles on their individual small cakes. Everyone clapped. Yes, there was so much that was different now. And her babies, who she could’ve sworn she popped out just the other day, were growing up so fast. 

Ten was such a big number, after all. 

_____

“Ruby, let the kids win.” Oscar shifted himself inside their fort, pulling Ruby a bit closer to him where she sat between his legs. It was a rainy Saturday morning, and since the triplets couldn’t go outside like they normally would after breakfast, Ruby suggested they build a fort and spend the day in there. A couple hours later, their entire living room was covered in pillows and cushions and blankets and chairs from the dining room to hold everything up. After a quick text to Nova, they even figured out how to bring their TV into the fort without moving it or taping blankets to the wall over it. 

“I didn’t race you for years just to be beat by my own children.” Ruby scoffed. “If they want to win, they can learn just as I did.” 

The triplets all expressed their agreements, wanting to honestly beat their mother just so they could rub it in her face. Oscar chuckled and pressed a kiss to her temple. Ruby was in first, but just because she could, she let herself slow down a bit. Andy was in second, and shot past her. He stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry. 

“Won’t let them win, huh?” Oscar murmured, running a hand through her hair. Lottie and Benny soon passed her as well. She grinned even though she was facing away from him. Andy ended up winning, with Lottie in second, Benny in third, and Ruby in fourth. They hopped up from their mess of blankets to whoop and holler in success. 

“Guess Mom’s not so great anymore, is she?” Andrew did a little dance in front of his parents, even shaking his butt in their face. Ruby snorted and kicked him with her foot lightly enough to push him away.

“She’s gonna have to step up her game,” Lottie joined in, giggling. 

“My controller stopped working,” Ruby lied, pretending to be offended by their mocking. “You got lucky.”

Sweet, quiet Benny went against her too. “Maybe she should take lessons from Dad.”

Her mouth dropped open. The triplets laughed in response. “Oh, that’s it.” She pulled them toward her one by one, tickling their stomachs. Oscar joined in. Their fort began to shake a little and fall apart as the fight ensued, limbs being kicked every which way. 

“Hey, hey, hey, watch out for the coffee table!” Oscar yanked Lottie toward him, who almost hit her head against the furniture’s leg. His brow furrowed. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” 

She grinned at him, wriggling out of his hold. “I’m fine, Daddy.”

“This is why we don’t rough house in forts,” Ruby joked. She pushed her hair out of her face. “Look at the mess you made.” 

Simultaneously, she heard three stomachs growling as the kids protested, saying she and Oscar were just as guilty. She raised an eyebrow.

“How about you guys fix the fort, and I go make some lunch?”

“And then I can teach you guys all my secrets.” Oscar winked at their kids. “She’ll never admit it, but I used to beat her all of the time when we were younger.”

“Guess someone doesn’t want lunch.” Ruby crawled away from him and toward the entrance, halfway out when she felt his hand on her ankle. 

“You’re not going anywhere until you take that back,” he joked, following her out. She turned around and leaned over on her knees. His head was poking out of the little blanket entryway. The look he gave her, pleading yet mischievous, melted her. 

She bent down a little more to peck his lips; he reached a hand up and pulled her back by her neck. The two kisses he gave her were slightly deeper and full of smiles. 

“When I come back, it’s you against me.” She trailed a finger down his face and lowered her voice. “Winner chooses their prize.”

His eyes flashed. “It’s on.”

[theoneandonlyameliajones]

My Hero

Summary: After the truth of One for All is leaked out to the public, Deku faces a lot of unfriendly criticism. His boyfriend, Shoto is ready to get to the bottom of this scandal and cheer Izuku up.

“The pro-hero Deku has been found to have been born quirkless. Weeks ago we received an anonymous tip that he had been given his quirk from none other than All Might himself. We at Hero newsroom were confused by the allegation at first, but it was confirmed by the villain All for One himself. Not only that, but Izuku Midoriya’s doctor and middle school teacher have both confirmed that he was quirkless before his time at UA.” The male newscaster announced on television.

“Well, that certainly is some big news. We have reached out to Midoriya’s mother as well as colleague Ground Zero. However, neither of them has decided to comment on the situation. The news has shaken the industry, many people have lost respect for Deku. Now, why do you think that is Takashi?” The female newscaster turned back to her colleague.

“It’s simple really, many feel like Deku doesn’t deserve the title as one of the top heroes when he got his quirk from the former symbol of peace. They feel like he cheated on his path to the top. Others feel like if such a transferable quirk did exist it should have gone to someone more capable-”

  Izuku turned off the television not wanting to hear any more. It was all too much for him, the press, the backlash he received from his agency, and the amount of hate mail he’s been getting recently.

 “You okay?” Shoto went over and took a seat by his boyfriend. They had been living together for just over a year now, and in all that time he’s never seen Izuku so deflated. He knew about the scandal that was going around and did not understand why it was that big of a deal. He found out about One for All soon after they started dating. Still, who cares if Izuku was given his quirk, he was still a great hero.

 “As good as I can be.” Izuku sighed, “I don’t know what to do.” Shoto pulled him into a hug, he hated seeing Izuku drained of his spirit. He swore he would beat up whoever tipped the journalists about One for All.

 “I can’t believe what these journalists are saying about you. It’s ridiculous, I know how strong you are Izuku. I watched you go from a boy who would always break his bones to the strongest person I’ve ever met. Whatever flack you’re getting, it’ll blow over I promise.” Shoto kissed his boyfriend on the head. 

 “Thanks, Shoto, I think I just need some time. I’m going to head to bed.” Izuku walked back into the bedroom, leaving Shoto alone on the couch. He knew despite what he told him, Izuku would still feel bad about the situation. If only All Might were still here, he could clear up this entire thing. It didn’t help that Shoto had a live TV interview the next morning. It’s not like he wanted to go, but it was a requirement of his agency to keep on the press’ good side. The public knew that Izuku and Shoto were dating, and his agency didn’t want him to get dragged down with the scandal. When he looked back over at the spot that Izuku occupied earlier, he noticed an envelope. He opened it cautiously. It read:

Dear Deku,

 You are not a real hero, you are just some All Might wannabe. Even with his quirk, you are only half the hero he was. Do us all a favor and give your special “One for All” quirk to someone who can do something useful with it. After you do that, then just disappear. Better yet, why don’t you just go and kill yourself.

 Shoto was ready to erupt into flames while reading the letter. He loved his boyfriend more than the entire world, and looking at this letter, he just wanted to burn it. Still, there was something suspicious about it, so he pocketed it and decided to go out to see a friend. Something was going on here. Shoto walked over to a small storefront sandwiched between an insurance office and a restaurant. There worked a friend of his agency, he went by the name Sike and had the gift of psychometry. He often aided detectives and hero agencies in finding villains.

 “Well, isn’t it the pro-hero Shoto?” Despite his talent, he had a disturbing voice which always made Shoto uncomfortable.

 “Just figure out who wrote this,” the bicolored boy handed the man the letter.

 “Very well.” Sike touched the letter and a soft glow erupted from his fingers. “Worried about your boyfriend are we?” The pro hero glared at him. The glow continued to intensify until it burnt out completely.

 “Well? Who wrote it?” Shoto asked impatiently.

 “Some guy, looked pretty strange if you ask me, blue hair and some sort of hand fetish.”

 “Hand Fetish? Shigaraki? That doesn’t make sense, he was arrested by Deku over two years ago.”

 “And he escaped about two months ago. It wouldn’t surprise me if he was the one leaking the information about your boyfriend.” Sike pulled out a cigar, in this day and age, he was probably one of the only people to still smoke.

 “Does that mean he wants to get rid of Deku? Is this his way of doing so?” he grabbed the letter from Sike angrily.

 “Looks like it, I mean I thought Shigaraki was too dumb for psychological manipulation, but I’ve heard it’s done a number on your boyfriend. Doesn’t seem like he’s been going out much recently, has he?”

 “I’m going to kill him,” Shoto said through gritted teeth.

 “Calm down hero.” He smiled slyly, “Now for your payment.”

 Shoto walked out of there quite ready to beat Shigaraki up. He thought that the League of Villains were finally passed them. When he got home he expected to find Izuku fast asleep, but instead, he was wide awake waiting for him in the living room.

 “Where were you?” the green-haired boy asked worriedly as Shoto came in.

 “This letter,” he pulled it out angrily, “was written by Shigaraki.”

 “Shoto…”

 “I swear I’m going to kill him.”

 “Shoto…”

 “Like what the hell, he probably was the one who leaked information about One for All in the first place. I swear-”

 “Shoto I know! I went to Sike earlier.” The bicolored boy went quiet. 

 “What do you mean you went to Sike? I was just at his place and he never mentioned anything about you coming.”

 “Well, you know that guy is in it for the money. Anyway, I’ve been trying to track Shigaraki down since he escaped and figured this whole thing was because of him,” explained Izuku. “I had Sike confirm it when I got the letter and I’m working on tracking him right now.”

 “But earlier…you seemed so deflated at the news. I read the letter and I thought maybe you were thinking about…” Shoto struggled to say the rest of his sentence, losing Izuku was his biggest fear. 

 “Shoto,” Izuku pulled the taller boy in for an embrace, “I was sad that the public had to find out like this, but I would never even think of leaving you. I know I’m not All Might or the symbol of peace, but All Might sacrificed a lot for that title. I am just Deku, an ordinary pro-hero, but that’s okay because I have friends like Ururaka and Kachan, my mom and most importantly you.”

“I love you Izuku Midoriya,” said Shoto as he settled into the hug.

“I love you too.”

“So, what are you planning to do?” Despite what Izuku told him, Shoto was still worried.

“My agency told me to lay low for a little bit, so I’m not allowed on big rescues for a while. It’s going to be mostly petty criminals and paperwork. Behind the scenes, I’ll be tracking Shigaraki. If he thinks he crushed my spirits, he’ll be more careless and we’ll be able to catch him!” Izuku said excitedly.

“So you're okay with all this?”

“Despite what people say about me or my borrowed power, I’m going to still work on saving them because actions speak louder than words, right? I never became a hero for the praise, I became a hero so I can help people.” Shoto’s heart swelled at Izuku’s words. He wondered if it was humanly possible to love a person this much.

“So, my hero interview tomorrow. Will you be able to come?” Izuku looked at him puzzled. They tried to support each other as much as possible, but with their busy schedules, they didn’t have time to attend each other's interviews and public events. Moreover, it was frowned upon because the questions asked would often concern their relationship. Even if Izuku wanted to go, he couldn’t due to his agency’s policies.

“Unfortunately, I can’t due to agency restrictions,” Izuku watched Todoroki’s face fall, “but I’ll make sure to watch it on T.V.” Shoto gave him a soft smile and proceeded to pull him in for a kiss which caused Izuku to blush. It wasn’t like his boyfriend to normally be this affectionate.

The next day Shoto was preparing for his hero interview. He hated interviews, to him they were the worst formality about being a hero. Still, his agency insisted that he give one.

“Shoto, make sure you don’t mention anything about your boyfriend’s quirk-scandal, or anything about Deku at all.” urged his publicist. His agency wanted to get as far away from the scandal as possible. As he sat down with the interviewer on the stage, he felt a familiar sense of dread. Still, at least this time he had something he wanted to say.

Back at his agency, Deku had the T.V playing as he filled out paperwork. He knew Shoto hated interviews, but he oddly didn’t seem to hate this one as much.

“Now joining me is pro-hero Shoto, everyone give him a welcoming applause.” Izuku smiled at the screen. Shoto was a popular hero, which made him proud. The only time he would get jealous is when ladies would approach his boyfriend. The rest of the interview carried on as expected and the interviewer talked about Shoto as a pro-hero and recent villains he had defeated. That was until one question caught Izuku’s attention.

 “So, I know that you and Deku have been in a relationship for quite a while now. What is your opinion on his quirk-scandal?” This earned a confused murmuring from the audience. There were certain subjects you didn’t touch on interviews like this and Izuku was sure Shoto’s publicist had talked to the interviewer beforehand.

 “Well, that certainly has been a discussion in our household,” explained Shoto. When he looked back towards his publicist, he could see that she was a nervous wreck. He was going to have to apologize later for all of this. “That being said I think the public is blowing this all out of proportion. Yes, Deku’s quirk was not what he was born with, but All Might chose him for a reason. Let me tell you, he had to struggle with that quirk for a while. His body totally rejected it and he ended up with many broken bones, but even then he kept trying. He worked hard and made that quirk his own. Now, he is a very capable hero. I think he is the greatest hero Japan could ask for. All he wants to do is help people and even with people cursing his name every 5 minutes, he still wants to help them. That’s why he is my hero.”

 “Well, that certainly is an interesting take on it.” said the interviewer. Shoto was happy, he hoped Izuku heard what he had said. He hoped the public realized how much of an amazing hero his boyfriend was. 

 Izuku’s eyes filled with tears, Shoto was defending him on live television. He knew Shoto was warned against it, but he still decided to address the public. He felt so lucky to have such a great boyfriend. “I love you Shoto Todoroki,” he muttered under his breath. Later that night, he would say the same thing to his boyfriend as they enjoyed each other's company well past midnight.

[soliti]

ASTRID SWAN

1. Taylor Swift: Folklore (2020, album) This year the so-called mainstream and the sidelines flow into each other. There are no borders between formula, selling, style and that is freeing for all who make art. Maybe in that sense a global pandemic is putting us on a more even creative keel. It’s providing time for all to actually make art rather than to focus on its marketing. Maybe. Taylor Swift’s first quarantine album became my favorite immediately. I have had it on probably every day for the past months. The marriage of Aaron Dessner’s delicate looping swirling riffs with Swift’s sugary pop vocal hooks and storytelling were just what I needed for inspiration and comfort while sitting at my desk, staring at the screen, writing and glimpsing the sky each day, through the seasons.

2.  Beyoncé: The Lion King – The Gift (2020, visual album) The visual album directed by Bey herself is another border breaking effort, questioning the imagined fencing between super fame and unknown artists, elevating the African continents, black and brown humans and culture and healing with beauty. The music relates to the Lion King film that came out in 2019 and so does the film, but its free too, writing and rewriting additional meanings, imagining differently. It’s abundance, shared space, nature, form – an amazing fiction and a powerful narrative to black and brown children: you matter, you are beautiful. My 8-year-old LOVES every second of it. It is radical to be one of the most famous identifiable voices in pop and to share the vocal space and songwriting with all these other voices. It is radical to believe in your own power to do many things well, and then do it.

3. Fiona Apple: Fetch the Bolt Cutters (2020, album) What a year! It feels like I am 17 again with all these albums that become part of my musical interior. My new, yet familiar furniture to lean on. Apple’s album is an amalgamation of all her albums so far. It’s a language I speak. It’s like listening to my big sister. It makes me glad to be alive in 2020 to hear her be able to bottle the vulnerability and wit and shake shake shake…

4.  Shawn Colvin: Diamond in the Rough (book, 2012) I read a lot this year, which is no news. I’m always reading. Still, this is a revelation: since 2018 I’ve been listening to Colvin’s album A Few Small Repairs from 1996 every week. Yes, every week at some point I have to listen to this. This relates to the fact that I’ve rediscovered a lot of my 90s favorites and realized that I still love them. So, finally I realized that she published a memoir in 2012. I loved reading this book because it hasn’t been so long that I can read books by women songwriters. There just haven’t been that many. And this one addressed song writing and the conditions of her becoming a musician very well. It also dealt with alcoholism, mental health struggles and weaved mothering, romantic love and parental love into the narrative. Again, reading this inspired me to do what I do. Her writing made me feel less lonely and inspired to play the guitar again.

5. Hari Kunzru: Into the Zone (podcast) Podcasts have become an almost too present noise in my mornings, my walks, my cooking, my escape from the family… in a small home with everyone home, you can make space by listening to your own boring talk shows so loud that it drowns out Neil Young and muddles YouTube kids and the endless video game or Lego reviews. So, I discovered Into the Zone. I love it passionately. It’s a literary writer’s and a researcher’s dream. Kunzru is able to tell narratives of far apart subjects and show how they relate and influence each other. He talks much about music, racism, ideas of genre, imagined futures… to be honest, I felt like writing a letter of thank you to him, that’s how much I loved this. I haven’t written the letter though, because I could not find his email address.

6. “How to Stop a Power Grab” by Andrew Marantz in The New Yorker. November 23rd, 2020. This great article looks into what we know about peaceful dissent, interviewing Erica Chenoweth who is an important voice for all kinds of civil organizing and dissent such as the Black Lives Matter -movement. Chenoweth has studied and found that peaceful dissent is more likely to lead to political change than violence. Her book with Maria Stephan Why Civil Resistance Works came out in 2013 and is considered a watershed book for civil organizing. Reading this article gave me hope; maybe instead of a major global disaster bigger than 2020, we are learning, we are on the brink of better times, of realizing that we all have to care for all and act upon the betterment of our conditions. That science is showing us that violence is a dead end. That things are changing. That from the perspective of centuries, our slow learning is accelerating.

7.  I’ll Be Gone in the Dark (TV Series, HBO) Michelle McNamara’s book by the same name was a hit a little while ago and this year, the HBO documentary series brings the entangled narratives of McNamara, the horrific victim stories and the story of the EAR/Night Stalker together much like the book. The criminal titled EAR who violated the lives of so many and killed many from 1960s until recently in California, USA is kind of at the center of the story, but also, he is a side character to something more interesting. For me, the true crime aspect of this program was not as compelling as the story of McNamara’s discovery of writing, her ability to fuse detective skills and storytelling and her inability to address her personal struggles while doing it. It is a tragedy. I was struck by the documentary’s skill at talking also about mothering, a romantic relationship and childhood and to relate all this to the way this woman worked, developed her professional situation. And all this, while investigating murders and rapes that happened long ago and were never solved. Watching this made me a fangirl of McNamara and it made me want to become an amateur sleuth and also a filmmaker in my next life. Finally, during the year I fluctuated between wanting to watch old films, familiar series and yearning to be shook out of my usual corners. Being true crime this series was super scary for me – but it was more about telling stories really than about the crime, so I grit my teeth and closed the blinds and told myself I’m safe and I watched the series twice already. Guardian review of the show.

[vickielou]

Home isn’t a place, It’s a feeling (Tom Holland Fanfiction)

Chapter One 

The cameras flashed everywhere around me, I tried to pretend I wasn’t anxious at the thought of being seen at this thing. Premier Nights weren’t my favourite part of being friends with actor. They filled me with a sense of anxiety that before Tom got famous I’d never felt before. I felt a hand at my elbow. “You look worse than Tom and he’s the one everyone came to see” Harry laughed. Harry Holland. Little shit. Twin #2. 

“I hate these things” I muttered, his hand tapped at my elbow in reassurance. I tried to find it reassuring. I failed. “You can hide behind me if you want” he offered, I think he noticed my unease. The uneven pattern of my breathing and most obvious, I was biting my nails like crazy, my mother was going to have a fit when she saw them. I smiled at Harry, I tried to smile like I wasn’t panicking but I think Harry saw straight through me. A side effect of spending so much time around the Holland Boys. “Thanks for the offer, but Sam is still my favourite twin” I replied, a joke seemed the right way to go. Harry sent me a dirty look. “He got you the guitar for Christmas three years ago, let it go,” He said shaking his head in disapproval. I snorted. 

He was right. Three years ago on Christmas day Sam Holland, other little shit and Twin #1 had gifted me a Fender FSR CC-60s Mahogany Concert Acoustic Guitar and it was still the light in my life. You would think that my best friend would have been the one that had bought me the greatest present I’d ever received but Tom didn’t understand guitars and we had a deal that meant that Tom wouldn’t buy me anything to do with music and I wouldn’t buy him anything to do with golf because I couldn’t understand golf to save my life. 

I’d been spending part of my Christmas holiday with the Hollands since I was 10 years old. My mother and Nikki had been neighbours (-and best friends!) as long as either of them could remember. My mother worked as a care assistant and more often than not she had to work 12-hour shifts around the Christmas period so I learned from a very young age that the Hollands were like a second family to me. Every time my mum had to work overtime to make ends meet or couldn’t come and get me from school because she just couldn’t get her half an hour break yet, I would go to the Hollands and looking back now that time I spent at their house became some of the best memories of my childhood. 

The cameras flashed again and the sound of the crowd outside the cinema got infinitely louder bringing me kicking and screaming back to the present. “Guess Tom’s here” I muttered. I heard the sound of tyres squealing outside and the sound of chanting got louder. Damn those fangirls and their seemingly infinite lung capacity. “Tom! Tom!” They shouted I leaned on the door frame and watched the scene unfold. At some point during Tom’s grand entrance, Harry went to find Sam and I was left alone. I wasn’t fond of being left alone but Sam was doing photographs for the premier and he needed help. The cinema seemed bigger than it had been all the times I’d been there before. Somehow leaning against the door waiting for my best friend to come waltzing through it, when he was done sighing autographs, the place seemed to be the size of the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. The dress that I’d squeezed myself in to for the occasion felt tighter than ever, my chest painfully constricted. 

I had been thinking about leaving when the door in front of me opened and a familiar face was hurried through by security men that were three times his size, that was saying a lot recently. Tom had been working his arse off in the gym and was around twice the size he used to be. 

I took my time to take in his appearance before he noticed me, his face was flushed. His navy suit was dishevelled, the grey shirt underneath was flecked with sweat and his hair was sticking to his forehead with the same sweat from running around signing autographs and taking pictures with the aforementioned fangirls.

“Tommy” I called, he jumped a mile and looked over to where I was standing by the door. I saw the relief cross over his face that I wasn’t someone he didn’t know watching him at what could be considered a vulnerable moment. I was the only person who could call him that. 

“Jules, thank god.” He smiled walking over, I watched his eyes take me in as he came closer. He reached out his hand for mine and I happily let him pull me towards where the crowd of people were heading towards the cinema room for the first showing of Toms new movie ‘ONWARD’. I’d heard most of the movie in the clips that Tom had messaged me whilst he was on set, I hadn’t actually seen the animation though and I was excited to see what he’d been making the months he’d been away. 

We sat in the seats towards the back, two seats on Tom’s left side were reserved for Sam and Harry when they finally got around to joining us. Tom’s arm immediately went around my shoulder, allowing me to lean back into his embrace. I’d missed this. Yeah, I’d seen him since he came back from New York but I hadn’t seen him for a while it was nice to have him close to me again. 

“I’m so glad you came” he was whispering, leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath tickling the shell and I sighed happily. His breath smelt minty fresh like he’d brushed his teeth minutes ago but I hadn’t missed the gentle pop of his gum. Smart boy, no tuna breath on premiere night. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else” I replied. Tom’s gentle smile was the last thing I remember seeing before the lights went off and the opening credits to the film started. 

 Before anyone can say it, I know what you’re thinking. You lucky bitch. You’re best friends with Tom Holland. I understand that because Tom is one of the greatest guys that you’ll ever meet. But not for the reasons that most of the fangirls think. Yeah, the man was fucking gorgeous, I’m his best friend but I have eyes. Buffer than a Norse god and more swag that a billionaire playboy philanthropist but that wasn’t the reason that I was so lucky. I saw a side to him that most people didn’t, I saw sleepy Tom falling asleep in front of the TV watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I saw Tom shitting himself watching the remake of IT. I saw him crying over a puppy video on his Facebook and I saw him proudly smiling at his phone when he finally did something right on Instagram. He was and always had been a great guy. 

But enough about Tom, let’s get back to where we were. 

The premiere went better than expected and I loved the new film, Tom had the gall to laugh at me when I was sobbing towards the end of the movie. That earned him a punch to the stomach that Nikki would have been proud of. Stupid boy, I can’t get through a damn one of his movies without tearing up. Damn almost had a crying fit when I watched The Impossible. Now, remember I was around 13 when the premiere of that film happened and the thought of anything happening to Tom back then was more than my pimpley hormone fuelled heart could take. Tom had to come out of the premiere and hold me for twenty minutes whilst I sobbed, repeatedly reminding me it was a film and he wasn’t going to leave me anytime soon. Yeah, It wasn’t my proudest moment. It was one of my favourite Tom memories though. 

“So, What did you think?” Tom asked as the lights came back on. I looked up at him through my panda eyes where my mascara had run and gave him the dirtiest look I could manage. “You said it wasn’t sad” I accused, rubbing at my eyes profusely “You lied to me” 

“You cry at every one of my premieres, when are you going to learn to wear waterproof mascara?” Toma asked, pulling his sleeve down over his hand and taking a swipe at the mascara running down my cheeks.  “What’s life without a little risk?” I smirked, he shook his head at me, his hand gripping my chin tighter as he gently wiped my face, in the back of a movie theatre with the sleeve of his suit. Oh the class

“You have got to stop rewatching Harry Potter” He sighed

“Says the person who bought me the boxset” I returned. “Not to watch everyday” He laughed, seeming happy enough with his handiwork. He let go of my face. Part of me instantly missed his touch. “And I suppose a great muggle like yourself is going to stop me?” I laughed. Tom looked at me with great disapproval. Tom had never understood my obsession with Harry Potter. A diehard Marvel fan instead, there was no room in his head for anything except Spiderman. The more I think about it, the more I realise that him not being Spiderman for the MCU was utterly preposterous. The man had spiderman bedding, granted Paddy currently slept on those but still, the man lived and breathed Marvel. 

“You’re lucky I put up with your arse. Now, what did you actually think?” He asked standing up and holding his hand out to help me up and out of the mostly empty theatre.

“I love it” I smiled. “You really pulled at my heartstrings. Are you going to introduce me to Chris Pratt now?” I asked, fluttering my wet eyelashes at Tom in faux flirtation 

“And have to bail you out of prison after you flash at him? No chance” He laughed, gripping my hand tighter and scoffing at my flirtation persuasion attempt. “Indecent exposure is a misdemeanour, I’ll skip prison” I replied. “I’m still not introducing you, in fact. I’m skipping the afterparty all together” He smiled. We’d reached the door to the cinema. Everyone was pretty much gone. There were a few stragglers that were walking around talking on the phone or waiting for taxis home I imagined. There was a teenaged girl that looked up when she saw Tom and let out the most adorable squeak. I pulled on his hand and made him stop to take a picture with her, not that Tom needed forcing to be nice to his fans but Tom could be oblivious and she struck me as the type of girl that wouldn’t have the balls to come over and ask for a picture. 

“So, want me to drop you off?” he asked, sliding into the driver’s seat. I heard the leather screech and he settled himself comfortably and reached for his seatbelt. 

“To the house exactly three doors down from yours?” I laughed, sliding into the passenger’s seat and instantly reaching for the radio, turning on signal one on low. 

“Well actually,” He said pausing and waiting for me to fasten my seatbelt before starting the car “I was wondering if I could stay at your house tonight?” He asked. “My house? With my mother?” I asked, knowing that my mother wasn’t at the house but playing hard to get all the same. 

“Isn’t she working at the care home tonight?” He pointed out. The beams from the traffic lights bounced across his face as he drove and I found myself watching the patterns with interest. “I’m not sure if I should find it creepy that you know her rota or not, why are you planning on getting me alone?” I asked, regarding him with a fake expression of fear and distrust. 

“I want to spend time with my best friend, and also not be surrounded by my parents right now” He replied, his shoulders tensed at the mention of his parents and I instantly understood. “I see where this is going, Nikki still hasn’t come around to the idea of you moving out, has she?” I asked laughing, “She would come around to it a lot easier if you’d come live with me,” He said turning on to our street. The sight of the familiar street made my heart happy in a weird way. “And add fuel to our families attempts at marrying us off?” I asked. I watched the smirk stretch across his face, Tom found our parents inability to accept our friendship as what it was utterly hilarious, I, however, found every single attempt that they made to push us closer together completely humiliating. “Why ruin the habit of a lifetime?” He said as he parked perfectly in front of my house. I got out of the car in lieu of answering the question. I turned to head up the path my front garden, slowing my pace only slightly in order for Tom to catch up to me, and also because my feet were killing me in these heels. 

As I suspected, Tom appeared at my side within seconds and I sent him a bemused smile. I opened the door and headed inside. I kicked my heels off and turned around to hang my coat up, to find Tom still outside the door. I cocked my head at him in question. 

“What are you a vampire? Need an invite?” I asked. He didn’t laugh  

“You never actually said I could stay over,” He said in explanation, digging his feet in the dirt as if he actually expected me to deny him access to what I suspected has become like a second home to him too. He really was a perfect gentleman. 

“Come in, you fucking idiot”. I laughed. “You better not hog the blanket this time”

[fandomoneshots-imagines]

Experiment (Avengers x Hybrid! Reader - Part 3)

Summary: An experiment that wasn’t meant to survive is saved by Peter Parker and taken in by the Avengers. 

Warnings: experimentation, forced breeding attempts, violence, abuse, Bucky fluff in this chapter 

Part 1, Part 2

“Tony gave to me,” I spoke up, the food falling out of my mouth. The group was silent for a second before laughing loudly. While they were laughing Tony’s phone began ringing. He pulled it out and held it to his face. 

“Hey Mr Stark,” A familiar voice spoke up, making my ears perk up. 

“Hold on kid,” he hit a few things on his phone and a screen popped up in front of me, revealing the floppy brown haired boy. 

“Petey!” I smiled, trying to move closer to the screen.

“Hey,” he chuckled softly, “how you settling in?” 

“Like it here. Meeting everyone. Laughing at Tony for Kat.” I grinned, my tail swishing behind me.

“Oh, so you told everyone?” He smiled, “For the record I was against the name as well but it slipped out when Dr Banner surprised us.” He explained. 

“Well we’re glad you found her Peter. You did good kid.” Nat said, making me purr. 

“Peter! Are you ready to get started on the millennium falcon?” A guy asked and entered the room behind Peter. Peter whipped his chair around and tried to push the guy out, “Hey are you talking to a girl?” He pushed passed Peter.

“Ned just give me two seconds!” He tried to push his friend away. 

“Hi, I’m Ned, what’s your name?” The new person asked. He had a large box in his hands  

“Am Kat,” I tried to look for Peter and my tail flicked behind me. Steve moves behind me trying to keep my tail still but it kept flicking out of his hold. 

“Captain America? Oh, were you on a work call?” Ned moved out of the way and Peter was standing behind his, his hair all messed up.

“Uh, kinda?” He scratched his neck, “Kat, I’ve got this uh project I gotta work on but I’ll give you a call later ok?”

Tony moves over beside me, “Two things. One, building the Millennium Falcon is not a project. Two, you mean to say you will be calling me?” 

“See you later Kat!”

“Bye Petey!” I waved to him.

“Ugh, she’s just so cute.” Nat groaned. I picked up a piece of food that was on the plate in front of me, took a sniff, then put it back down. 

“I just wanna cuddle her.” Bucky spoke up. He received some strange looks as well. 

“Like cuddles. Me and brother cuddled.” I mumbled poking at a mushy piece of fruit. 

“Brother? There are more of you?” Steve asked, moving beside you. 

“No,” I said softly. My tail grew limp and I pushed some of the food around. It grew silent in the room and I let out a little sniffle. As soon as I made that little sound, several pairs of strong arms wrapped around me. A deep purr came from my chest at the warmth the radiated around me.

All of a sudden there was a very loud crash and a flash of bright light. This caused a shriek to leave my lips and my claws to dig into the nearest person, in this case it was Bucky’s metal arm. While it didn’t hurt him physically, it did leave dents in the plates. Everyone looked down at the arm and back up at me. Bucky popped the arm off and set it on the counter, staring at it.

“I’m gonna add some strength to the list.” Tony mumbled. “I’ll take this down to have it repaired.”

“It’s ok sweetie. That’s a friend.” Wanda reassured, rubbing my back. 

“Very loud friend,” I huffed and picked up a piece of apple. 

“So you've met Thor?” Sam asked making me very confused. As I was about to respond the doors to the living quarters slammed opened and a very large man carrying a hammer and wearing armor strutted in. I scrambled out of my chair and hid myself behind Steve. 

“Friends! It’s great to be back on Earth!” The large man bellowed. “How have things been?” He placed the hammer down on the chair I was sitting in and leaned against the counter. 

“Everything is great Thor.” Nat patted his large arm. It was easy to see he was flexing as she touched his arm. 

“How is Asgard?” Steve asked. I peeked at the new man over my protectors shoulder. 

“My kingdom is wonderful. Recently defeated my half sister from destroying my home. Loki is watching over the kingdom while I take a little holiday.” He looked over to Steve and I ducked back down, “But that’s enough about me. Who is this shy little thing hiding behind you Captain?”

“Thor, this is Kat. She’s a new member of the team.” Steve introduced, “Doll, this is Thor. He’s the King of Asgard and a God.” Steve tried to move so Thor would be able to see me but I kept myself hidden, running over hiding behind Bucky. 

“Nuh uh, doll. You dented my arm.” He chuckled and moved out of the way. I huffed and ran towards Nat but was stopped by red energy drifting around my body. My ears were flat back against my head, my pupils dilated to tiny slits, and my lips pulled back showing my teeth. The noises coming out of me were not happy. 

“It’s ok, kotyonok.” Wanda’s voice said softly, her hands out in front of her, the energy coming from her hands, “Thor’s big but he’s not a bad guy. We’ll make sure no one will ever hurt you again.” Her words soothed me a little bit and I put my teeth away and the noises I made quieted down. 

“It’s nice to meet you, little one. As Lady Wanda said, I will not hurt you. In fact, I once gifted my mother with cats to pull her chariot. She loves them dearly. ” He said softly. I softened my eyes a little bit at how he spoke about his mother. 

“Not a cat.” I said softly, wrapping my tail around my waist as security. 

“My apologizes little one,” He smiled. I gave him a small smile in return and not too long later we were all on a large square couch watching a movie. I had started in my own seat but once Tony came back with Bucky’s arm I laid across the back of the couch, my head resting beside Sam’s. At some point during the movie I had fallen asleep and was gently shaken awake by Bucky and Tony.

“Come on, were gonna show you to your room.” Tony said softly. I nodded and sat up, wiping a little bit of drool off my face. Bucky wrapped my arms around his neck and picked me up as if I weighed nothing. I clung to his body and buried my head in his neck, purring loudly. Bucky followed Tony down a series of hallways and finally got to a room.

“Here we go, sweetheart.” Tony said softly. I looked up and watched as he pressed a button on the wall and a door slid open, “This is gonna be your room. We can decorate it at a later date. Your bathroom is over there. Steve is across the hall.  Bucky is to your right. Wanda is to your left. The clothes I got you were brought here earlier but you’re going to need more as I just got the bare essentials for now.” Tony explained but I could feel myself falling back asleep, my head back in Bucky’s neck. 

Bucky tried to put me on the bed but I kept myself attached to him, whining, “Bucky warm.” I buried my face in his neck. He tried to pull my arms off him but I just tightened my hold. 

“Come on doll. You’ve gotta get to bed. Your own bed.” He tried.

“Bucky wants to cuddle?” I pulled back and looked at him with big eyes. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, “Yeah, Bucky wants to cuddle. But we’re gonna cuddle in my bed. And just for tonight. Tomorrow you’re sleeping in your own bed.” He lifted me up and walked out of the room, hitting the same button Tony hit, shutting the door. He walked down to the next door and did the same thing, opening the door to his own room. I pulled back a little bit and looked around. It was really dark and smelled like him. It was kept surprisingly neat. He walked us over to the bed and laid me down in the center of the bed, walked to the dresser grabbing some sweatpants, and went into the bathroom having changed into said sweatpants. 

“Remember, tomorrow you’re sleeping in your own bed?” I nod and he laid down, pulling me to his chest and grabbed the remote to the small tv, turning it on but keeping the volume low. A purr rumbled through my chest as my eyes drifted close again. My tail lazily swished over the covers and over my legs before stopping  once it was wrapped around Bucky’s leg.

[bluenet13]

Marty’s Promise

This story is both a response to this year’s @densi-mber Day 21 writing prompt: Densi spending the day/having dinner with their moms, and a continuation to “Little Drummer Deeks” a story I wrote two years ago for a similar prompt during the first Densimber. I reblogged that story a few days ago in case anyone wants to read it and it’s also on my fanfiction.net page.

“Do you have the salad?” Kensi asked as she awkwardly made the walk from the front door to the car, juggling gifts in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other.

Deeks just nodded, and then grunted, as said salad almost slipped from his hands.

“Be careful!” Kensi admonished, throwing all her belongings on the trunk, and running to her husband’s aide. “I spent three hours working on that.”

“Kens…” Deeks began slowly. “Most of what’s on this salad, came already prepared on a bag. I wouldn’t say it was hard labor.” He then winced, expecting a punch that never came, instead he felt like a dick, seeing a look of hurt cross Kensi’s eyes.

Walking quickly to the car, Deeks opened the back door for Kensi to set the dish safely inside, along a bottle of scotch Hetty had gifted them and a fruit tart that was his mother’s favorite. “I’m sorry, baby.” Deeks said, moving gingerly towards his wife and embracing her in his arms. “I’m sure the salad is great.”

Kensi still pouted but she smiled after Deeks kissed her lips sweetly. “You know I can’t cook. And our mothers too. So, when they only ask for salad, that’s the least I can do.” She explained.

“Mama offered to teach you a long time ago, but you had never taken her up on that offer.” Deeks said nonchalantly, moving to the passenger side of Kensi’s SUV.

“Deeks, you know I’m not meant for the kitchen. I don’t want to disappoint your mother.” Kensi then closed the door of the car, and the couple was on their way. “Plus, we have you. We don’t need two cooks in the family.”

“We might.” Deeks said with a glint in his eyes. “When we start popping out little baby wolves.”

“Wolves? As in plural?” Kensi asked with a smile on her face. The thought of kids no longer scaring her, just making her heart long even more for that future.

“Maybe?” Deeks replied hopefully. “But I could just do with Deeks family of three if that’s what you want.”

Kensi nodded, glad that they finally stood on common ground on this topic. Her apprehensions still there –about whether they could even have kids, or what type of parents they would be if or rather when it happened– but her excitement about that prospect now more powerful than her fears.

“Time to change the subject.” Kensi directed as she parked in front of Roberta’s house.

Deeks’ sure nod echoing her sentiment. “We don’t want our unborn kids to take over dinner.” He laughed, making Kensi giggle as well, remembering how their mothers got every time the topic of kids was touched on.

Sharing a quick kiss, Kensi and Deeks got to work, figuring out the best way to carry all the things into the house in just one trip. Their hands yearning to be held together, but the countless items they had brought making that impossible at the moment. 

-x-x-x-

Ringing the bell, Kensi and Deeks were welcomed by an overly excited Roberta, a glass of wine already in one hand, explaining her glee. “Welcome, Martin, Kensi. Merry Christmas.” She greeted cheerfully, her other hand moving to position a Santa hat over Deeks’ blonde locks.

Fighting his urge to roll his eyes, Deeks remembered that it was Christmas Eve, and everyone was alive and well, which in their line of work, was never a guarantee, so there was no reason not to be his happiest self tonight. “Merry Christmas, mama.”

“Merry Christmas.” Kensi echoed her husband, setting everything down on a table, and embracing her mother-in-law in a quick hug. “Salad, wine, fruit tart and a Scotch that Hetty gave us for tonight.” She explained, pointing to each item, as Deeks moved their gifts to the Christmas tree.

The next few minutes were spent enjoying small talk until the bell rang again marking that the latest member of their little family had arrived.

“Julia!” Bertie shrieked as soon as she opened the door, pushing a recently filled glass of wine into the other mom’s hand. “So glad you could make it.”

“Thank you for holding this dinner.” Julia said, as she took a sip of her drink. “Much better than breakfast the last two years.” She added, remembering the last two Christmases and how the family had opted for brunch outside instead of a home-cooked family dinner. This one being especially important and deserving of a change as it was the first Holiday since they had all become a real family, bound by law and marriage, and not only feelings.

Making her way inside, Julia greeted her daughter and son-in-law, exchanging kisses and hugs, before walking to the kitchen to set down a vegetable casserole, a ham and a Christmas pudding that was her daughter’s favorite.

-x-x-x-

For the next hour, they enjoyed a delicious dinner, and a lot of cheerful talk, as they all relished being together on this day. When most of the food was consumed, leftovers packed, and the kitchen cleaned, the gathering moved to the living room, all of them too full for dessert at this time.

The family then exchanged gifts since they wanted to enjoy a more private moment, as Christmas dinner the following day would involve the whole team and their families.

When all gifts had seemingly exchanged owners, Deeks got up and grabbed two small bags that had been hidden behind a table. He then gave one of the bags to his mother, a nervous smile on his face.

Opening the gift, Roberta was confused as a lone pen drive stared back at her. Recognition setting in her eyes eventually, as they quickly misted with tears. “Merry Christmas, mama.” Deeks embraced his mother in a heartfelt bug, as he tried to subtly wipe some tears from his own eyes.

“It’s an old tape. I had a place turn it digital and copy it into the drive. Mama always wanted to do it, but she never quite got to it.” Deeks explained, seeing Julia and Kensi share confused looks. “For you, baby.” Deeks then handed Kensi the other bag, which she promptly opened.

Holding a similar pen drive in hand, Kensi look at Deeks with a silent question in her eyes.

“OMG, Marty.” Julia said in a low voice, finally realizing what could be inside that drive.” She then got up from the couch, and echoed Roberta by embracing Deeks in another hug.

“What’s going on?” Kensi asked, feeling like she was an outsider in whatever was happening.

“Just watch.” Julia grabbed the pen drive and connected it to the receiver on Roberta’s media table. Both mothers already comfortable around it, after many bonding nights spent together.

-x-x-x-

The tv came alive with the image of a small tree on fire as the camera fell to the ground and the picture twisted sideways. “I told you it was a bad idea.” Julia came into the frame screaming.

A tall man with a buzz cut then joined in, running towards the tree with a garden hose in hand. “Turn it on.” He shouted. Water then came and he sprayed the tree until the fire was completely put down. “Turn it off.” He directed, again. White smoke coming off the charred tree. The remains of what looked like fireworks now on the ground.

“Sorry.” A little, brunette girl said sadly as she joined the frame for the first time.

“No reason to apologize, baby girl. It was my idea.” The man said, as he lifted his daughter in his arms, moving a gentle hand to her face, and wiping her tears away.

“You should both be apologizing, right about now.” Julia scolded her husband and daughter, even as she moved towards their family and embraced them both in a hug.

After a few minutes, Julia walked to the camera, and picked it back up. “No more playing with leftover 4th of July fireworks next New Year’s Eve.” She muttered, just as the image went dark.

-x-x-x-

The image came back on a different setting, father and daughter now dressed in matching Christmas sweaters and sitting around the Christmas tree.

“For you.” Little Kensi said, pushing a messily wrapped gift into her father’s hand.

Opening it, Donald Blye’s eyes instantly became clouded with tears as he held a handmade medal on his hands. The words “World’s Best Daddy” written in what he recognized as her daughter’s handwriting.

“Just like the ones the military gives you.” Little Kensi explained happily.

“But this one is better, baby girl.” Don then kissed his daughter and sighed contently, as she jumped into his arms.

-x-x-x-

The image changed again, this time showing a young girl peeking over the kitchen counter as her father baked a cake.

“What’s that for?” The little girl asked, pointing to a bottle with the words yeast written over it.

“It’s for the dough to grow.” Don explained in simple terms. “Want to help me with the eggs?”

Kensi nodded and jumped back down to the floor, her eyes going to the recipe as she read. “four whole eggs.”

Grabbing one she went to smash it fully on the container, before her father’s hand stopped her. “What are you doing? You have to open them first.” He said.

“It said whole eggs.” Kensi said, tears already prickling her eyes.

“That means both the white and the yellow part that are inside, baby girl, not the outside crust.” Donald explained softly. “Like this.” He then proceeded to open up the first two eggs, before he prompted his daughter to do the same thing with the last two.

“Sorry, daddy.” Kensi said, shaking her head.

“It was a simply mistake, Kensi. But that doesn’t mean you quit. You just try again.” Donald encouraged. “You can do it, just like I showed you.”

Kensi was still pouting even as she doubtfully grabbed the eggs and tried to imitate her father’s actions. The task took a little longer than it had taken him, but after a few minutes it was successfully completed. “I did it!” She screamed cheerfully; her previous near accident already forgotten.

“You sure did, my girl. You’re a quick learner.” Donald said proudly.

As he continued mixing ingredients, Kensi continued asking questions and pointing here and there as she tried to get involved. “You have lots of questions.” Father said after a while.

“I want to learn, daddy… So, one day, I can bake a cake for my own little kids.” Kensi replied, in between giggles.

Donald was surprised at the comment, but he smiled, nonetheless. “You’re too young to be thinking of that, baby girl. But yes, you will. One day, you certainly will…”

-x-x-x-

“How?” Kensi asked after another half hour of forgotten family videos.

“Marty asked me for these before the wedding. At the time, I thought he would use them then, but he didn’t, and I just forgot about them until I saw the pen drive and it just came back to me.” Julia explained, the tears in her eyes, mirroring that of her daughter’s.

“Thank you.” Kensi breathed out, her heart full at the gift her husband had given her.

“You’re very welcome, baby.” Deeks hand moved to wipe away the tears from Kensi’s face, her head then settling comfortably over his chest as the couple stood in an embrace.

“What’s in the other drive?” Kensi inquired eventually, both curious and nervous at the same time.

Deeks failed to answer. He just took the drive from his mother’s hand and connected it into the receiver.

-x-x-x-

“A very Merry Christmas

And a happy new year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear”

Father and son sang along with John Lennon as they sat on the front porch of a simple house. The little blue-eyed boy wearing Christmas pajamas and a Santa hat over his blond curls.

“Boys, we have already listened to this song about 10 times.” Roberta pleaded, her voice coming from behind the camera. “And that’s just today, not counting the whole month.”

The father, who was like an older looking copy of his son, nodded and stood up, moving to their tape player and changing the song. “Thank God It's Christmas” then started playing, and the young boy began as happily singing to the words by Freddie Mercury, father joining is as soon as he was back with his son.

“Come on, boys. What happened to the more traditional songs?” Roberta asked.

“I like Little Drummer Boy.” The little boy answered, smiling sweetly towards his mama.

“We can put that one up next.” Gordon Brandel added. “But, sit down with us and enjoy.” He grabbed his wife’s hand and pull her down.

“Thank God it's Christmas, yeah

Thank God it's Christmas

Thank God it's Christmas

Can it be Christmas?

Let it be Christmas

Every day”

As the next verse of the song came on, a third voice could be heard among the two male ones, as Roberta joined Gordon and Marty in their private family concert.

-x-x-x-

As the next image came, the video showed little Marty holding a Christmas stocking in his hands with tears on his eyes. “But I was a good boy.” He whispered sadly, looking at the coal that was in place of gifts.

An older looking boy then began giggling hysterically, “maybe you weren’t as good as you thought, Martin.” He said, a devilish glint in his eyes.

“Ray! That’s not something you do to your little brother.” Roberta scolded from behind the camera, as Gordon ran to his son’s side.

“Marty, no. Santa didn’t give you coal.” He tried to explain, glaring at Ray. “It was just a joke from your brother. Even though he knows, we don’t joke like that.”

“Really?” Marty asked in between sniffles, his sad, blue eyes now staring up towards his father, then sideways towards his best friend. “Promise?” He asked hopefully.

Gordon send a very angry stare at Ray, who just paled and got up, running towards the kitchen. He came back a few minutes later with a bag and handed it to his best friend. “Sorry, Marty.”

Little Marty then opened the bag, finding inside his real gifts and smiling happily as it became clear that Santa hadn’t really left him with coal.

“Merry Christmas, boys.” Roberta then said, comment directed to her husband, son, and practically adopted son, as they all laid on the carpet, playing with Marty’s new toy train, and Ray’s new remote-control car.

-x-x-x-

“Did Ray really put coal in your stocking?” Kensi asked sympathetically when the screen faded to black.

“Yeah…” Deeks muttered. “He got a big kick out of it. I don’t really remember much of it.”

“Gordon had a huge talk with him afterwards.” Roberta added. “But we know it was all in good fun.” She said giggling.

“Thank you, mama.” Deeks glared at her.

“Sorry, Martin. But it’s funny thinking about it now.” Roberta said honestly.

“Yes, it actually is.” Deeks agreed, wishing he could call Ray and talk to his best friend again.

The next few hours were then spent sharing more childhood stories until a yawn from Julia told everyone that it was already late.

“I will see you all tomorrow.” Julia said as she moved towards the door. “Thank you again for everything, Roberta.”

“Remember, 5:00 pm at the bar.” Deeks said, as he followed his wife and mother-in-law. “Merry Christmas, mama.”

“Merry Christmas, Martin, Kensi, Julia.” Roberta said, before closing the door behind her, head coming to rest on the wood, as silent tears finally came to her eyes. “Merry Christmas, Gordon.” She whispered, eyes on the sky.

-x-x-x-

“Where are we going, baby?” Deeks asked after a few minutes of driving, noticing that Kensi wasn’t going in the direction of their home.

“We’re going to the beach.” Kensi said, sounding sure of herself.

“Why?” Deeks wondered out loud, never opposing a trip to the beach, but it felt strange coming from Kensi at 10pm on Christmas eve.

“It’s time you make true on a promise you made two years ago.” Kensi said, sparing a quick look at her husband.

Deeks blanched a little, well remembering what promise Kensi was referring to, and having known deep down that this day would some day come. And it made sense it was today, after the videos had sent Kensi’s mind back to thinking about his childhood.

“Okay.” Deeks agreed, moving his hand to hold Kensi’s, as she squeezed tightly and smiled reassuringly.

-x-x-x-

“I have held you to that promise for two years.” Kensi began eventually, as they sat down on the sand. “But now it’s time.”

Deeks nodded, knowing she had been patient enough. “What do you want to know?”

Kensi lifted her eyebrows, before realizing his question was serious.

“It’s just easier. I wouldn’t know where to start otherwise.” Deeks answered, as if reading her thoughts.

“When… how… did all go wrong?” She asked tentatively. “Those videos showed a happy family. And Ray was even a part of it.”

Deeks blew out a slow breath and ran his hand through his hair. “I met Ray about 8 months before everything turned out wrong. We became very good friends, and one day, he came home, and mama discovered some bruises under his shirt. He sorta became part of the family after that.”

“Ok.” Kensi said softly, not wanting to push too hard and wanting for her husband to open up in his own terms.

“My father was never a perfect man, Kens. But he was a good father, as you saw on the videos. We didn’t have much, but he practically took Ray in, and that year he spent every holiday with us. He even got gifts for his birthday and Christmas.”

Kensi said nothing when Deeks stopped, knowing that it wasn’t easy for him to open up about this subject.

“I didn’t understand what was happening to Ray at the time, but mama told me we needed to be there for him. So, we did.” Deeks began again, back now towards Kensi and eyes on the dark ocean. “And he was there for me afterwards.”

Walking closer to the water, Deeks took off his shoes and let the cold water reach him. The chill helping the fog in his mind retreat as he considered how to better breach the hard part of the story. Feeling Kensi’s hand embrace him from behind, Deeks signed and closed his eyes.

Head resting on Deeks shoulder, Kensi kissed him on the cheek, trying to convey all her feelings through simple actions. “Take your time, baby.”

Taking hold of her hands in front of him, Deeks opened his eyes again, choosing to focus on the soft glow of the moon reflecting on the dark ocean, instead of the pain the past evoked in him. “Gordon always had a violent streak to him. Mama said it was how he was raised; times were different then. But he rarely allowed me to see it.” Deeks began again, voice low, and barely audible over the crashing waves. “Four months into the friendship with Ray, he had a work injury and hurt his back. Insurance quickly started giving us problems, and he started drinking after that. He had always enjoyed a good whiskey, here and there, but it was never like that.”

Kensi hugged him a little harder after that, wondering if it had been wise on her part to ask him to open up about this topic on Christmas Eve. But it had seen natural, as his promise had been made two years ago in the aftermath of another Holiday gathering with the moms.

“When he couldn’t get any more pills, he just continued drinking more. That led to him being laid off, after he showed up to work drunk one day and started a fight with a coworker. He came home with a black eye and broken nose, and I had never seen so much hatred in his eyes.” The last part spoken not louder than a whisper. “With money running low, he told me he didn’t want Ray at our house anymore, so we just started meeting outside, both of us wanting to escape our homes as much as possible. That’s when I first understood what was happening to him.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Kensi said honestly, recognizing that moment as the time Deeks innocence had been shaken for the first time in his young life. Well knowing that the rest of it had been stripped away in the months that followed.

“Thank you.” Deeks lifted Kensi’s hand, and kissed it sweetly, letting it linger in front of his eyes a little longer. Staring at the ring on her hand, he reminded himself that everything he was recalling was in the past, and everything was better now. “Mama’s salary wasn’t enough to cover for all three of us, so soon after that, he began spending every night at the bar. Gambling then became his work of choice. But he lost more often than not, and that’s when the violence really started.” Deeks left the rest of it hanging in the air, not wanting to vividly explain to Kensi how Gordon Brandel would come home in a drunken rage intent on hitting his wife and son.

“Ray noticed one day. And he asked me about it. I told him it was a sport injury, but he knew I didn’t really play sports. At least not the typical kind, and what he saw, didn’t look like a skateboarding or surfing wound.” Deeks eyes darkened, recalling the shadow of fingers that Ray had seen etched on his skin. Which had then been followed by dark bruises on his torso, and more marks on his neck. “That’s how it all turned out so wrong.” Deeks finished, turning around to stare at Kensi, surprised when he saw tears streak down her face. “Don’t cry, please. Gordon doesn’t deserve your tears.”

“I’m not crying for Gordon.” Kensi explained simply. “I’m crying for the boy you once were.” Kensi then thought back to the videos, and the picture of little Marty she had seen on that brunch two years ago when Deeks had promised to open up about his past. The memory, making another thought popped into her head. “Why don’t you like to be called Martin?” She asked slowly.

Deeks closed his eyes and turned back towards the water before continuing. “Brandel was always vocal about how mama is the one that chose that name. He thought it was weak. When I was a kid, he used to call me junior, which is how his father had used to call him for the first few years of his life.” He almost spat the last words. “When he turned… violent, he used to call for Martin when he came home from the bar. It was just a game to him, and always spoke my first name in a mocking tone. I knew every time I heard that tone, pain would just follow. If not for me physically, for mama, and that was worse.”

“I’m sorry, I won’t call you like that again.” Kensi said, instantly regretting the few times she had used his given name.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t like other people calling me that, because I never know what intention they’re doing it with. But you say it with love, unlike him. When he went to prison, I changed my last name from Brandel to Deeks, and I could have changed my name too, but mama is the one that gave it to me, and I couldn’t let him have that much power over us. That’s why you should use it, if you want. It means, even now, we’re still winning.” Deeks knew it wasn’t really a game, and that in the full extent of things, he had already lost 30 years ago. The day his father had turned to alcohol to fill a void that could never be filled with such an easy escape. The day he had first laid a hand on young Marty. And the day young Marty had decided to end it all.

“Ok, Marty.” Kensi tested the name, before she kissed Deeks again.

Two years ago, Deeks would have cringed at the name, but a lot had changed since then. And with marriage, had come a bigger understanding of what mattered in life. Especially when that marriage had been at stake because of the mission in Mexico. He now had a wife, and a big family, so there was no reason to continue being stuck in the past. It just wasn’t worth it, and he was stronger than that.

“And how did it all end?” Kensi asked a final question, wanting to get a full picture, even if she well knew that Deeks had been vague about what his father’s violence had meant. But she agreed that she didn’t need to know those details.

“I shot him.” Deeks said simply. Turning around, expecting to see disgust on the face of a woman that had only felt love and admiration towards her own father. To his surprise, he found only love and admiration in her stare, and all of it directed at him. “In the months that followed, and having lost his safe haven at our home, Ray started running with some… groups.” The word gang, unspoken. “And one day, he gave me a gun and explained how to use it. I wanted to return it but remembering what my father had done the night before, I kept it.”

Recalling one of their first cases working together, Kensi remembered a story about Deeks and Thanksgiving Day, the first time he had mentioned his father, and she silently wondered how many of his comments and jokes over the years had contained partial truths hidden in them.

“I used it about a month after that.” Deeks continued, his eyes as dark as the Pacific in front of them. “It was either him or us.” He added as an afterthought.

Kensi had wanted to know more about that night, but she could already imagine how it all happened and she had to accept that was only a memory for Deeks and Roberta to know. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that, baby.”

“It’s okay, Kens. For better or worse, it made me the man I’m today. And thanks to that, I will know how not to behave when our little wolves start arriving.” He said, smiling sincerely for the first time in the last hour.

“And you will be a great parent.” Kensi said proudly.

“We both will, Fern. Our kids will be lucky to have us.”

“And we will be lucky to have them.”

They both nodded and hugged again. The chill of the night making husband and wife burrow into the embrace a little tighter.

“We will cook delicious cakes for them.” Deeks said, as they had begun walking back to the car, hand in hand. “With no whole eggs, just the inside.” He laughed, then winced as Kensi playfully punched his arm.

“And we won’t allow the older sibling to put coal into his or her little brother’s or sister’s Christmas stocking.” Kensi added.

“Brother or sister? So, you’re really agreeing to more than one baby wolf?” Deeks asked hopefully.

“I think so.” Kensi answered, equally optimistic. Stopping as they reached the parking lot, and kissing Deeks before they each moved to their side of the car. “Wolves do better in packs, after all.”

Reaching their house a few minutes later, Kensi and Deeks decided to leave all their belongings on the trunk for the night, and instead walked inside, tangled in each other’s arms.

Reaching the front door, Deeks smiled before stopping Kensi and turning her to look fully at him. “I love you, baby. Thank you for listening.” And not judging, but that part remained unspoken.

“Love you, too. And thanks for sharing.” Kensi said, and keeping your promise to me, that part also staying unsaid. With a final kiss, Kensi and Deeks stepped inside, door closing behind them, their Holiday wreath silently shaking with the wind gusts coming from the nearby Pacific…

Promises are always meant to be kept, even if it’s two years in the future. And that night, on Christmas Eve of their first Holidays as husband and wife, Kensi and Deeks went to bed feeling closer than ever before. Because that day, they had shared more about their respective pasts, and that knowledge would lead them to be the best parents they could possibly be. One day soon, they would both learn that surviving pain in the past, only means a sweeter happily-ever-after, and for them that would come in the form of little wolves and a pack to call their own.

Fun fact: A few of the stories that are part of this fic are not really fiction, but things I took from my own childhood. One day my mom was baking a cake and I almost threw the whole egg in the batter, I was like five. Back in my home country, fireworks are a big part of New Year’s Eve and my older brother did in fact burn down a small tree in our yard using it as a base for his fireworks. And that same brother put coal in my Christmas stocking when I was a kid… He would get a kick seeing his antics on this story :D Anyhow, thanks everyone for reading, and Happy Holidays and best wishes for the New Year.

[bylagunabay]

In Praise of MARY

MARY, KEEPER OF THE GATE (2/2)

The image is the painting of our Blessed Mother by St. Luke. And now to our incredible miracle story on the Panagia …

HOW A SAUDI ARABIAN MAN WAS MURDERED, HIS BODY CHOPPED UP YET LIVED TO TELL HOW THE PANAGIA STITCHED HIM UP BACK TO LIFE 

A Saudi Arabian Moslem, appeared before several new agencies to relate the following incredible event he experienced, which changed his life (this story appeared on TV, the Internet, radio, and was circulated in newspapers, magazines, and pamphlets throughout Saudi Arbia, Syria, Palestine, and evidently in all neighboring countries).

Some years ago, this man married a very rich Moslem woman but she was sterile. As the years passed, and despite all their efforts and significant medical expenses with many doctors, they remained childless. The man’s parents suggested to him that he marry a second woman, while upholding his initial marriage (as the local laws permits up to four concurrent marriages).

Being exhausted, worried, and downhearted, he did not accept his parents’ advice but rather chose to vacation with his wife in Syria. There, they hired a limousine with a driver who would serve as tour guide for all their site-seeing excursions throughout Syria. As the vacation progressed, the driver noticed that the Saudi Arabian couple was experiencing bitterness, pain, and grief. Having gained familiarity with the couple, the driver cautiously asked them why they appeared to be so unhappy-was it perhaps because he was not conducting the tour to their satisfaction?

The couple confided to the driver that the source of their unhappiness was their inability to have children. The driver who was also a Moslem, then told them that in Syria the Christians, specifically the Orthodox Christians, have a monastery named Panagia Saidraya (Arabic word meaning Our Lady) and that many people who can’t have children take refuge to Her miracle-producing icon. They go to the monastery and there they are given to eat, the wick from the lamp which burns before the miraculous icon. And then the “Mary” of the Christians gives them according to their faith, what they wish for.

Becoming excited, the Saudi Arabian and his wife asked the driver to take them to the monastery “Saidnaya” of “The Lady of the Christians” and said that if we have a child, then I will come back and I will give you $20,000.00 US and, I will give the monastery $80,000 US. So they went to the monastery and did as they were instructed. Later they returned to their homeland and after some time the wife was found pregnant. In a few months she gave birth to a charming baby boy. It was truly a miracle of Our Lady Theotokos (Mother of God).

Now, as soon as his wife gave birth the Saudi Arabian man wanted to return to Syria to uphold the promises he had made. Upon his return he called the same driver and asked to be picked up at the Damascus airport. But the driver was cunning and wicked and he persuaded two of his friends to go to the airport with him to pick up the rich Saudi Arabian man and to take his money and kill him. So they picked up the rich man at the airport who, as they drove, without realizing that they had planned to kill him, told the friends of the driver that he would give them also $10,000 US each.

These men still not satisfied, deviated from the route to the monastery and went to a deserted place and proceeded to slay the Saudi Arabian man and to cut off his head and other parts (hands and legs) of his body into pieces. Blinded by passion and overcome by the horrific act that they just committed, they put the man’s remains in the trunk of the car rather than just leaving him there. After taking his money, watch, and all that he had, they proceeded to find another deserted place to discard the remains.

Then on the National highway, their car broke down and stopped in the middle of that road. The three men got out to determine why the engine had stalled. Then a passerby stopped to help them but they, afraid that their terrible act would be discovered, pretended that they did not need any help. But as the passerby motorist was leaving, he noticed blood dripping from the rear of the vehicle and he called the police to investigate because the scene and the three men looked suspicious. The police came and they saw the blood under the car and on the pavement so they ordered that the trunk be opened.

Well, when the opened the trunk, lo and behold, the Saudi Arabian man lifted himself out, obviously and amazingly alive and in good health, saying to them “Just now this PANAGIA finished stitching my neck, right here (showing them the area of his Adam’s Apple), after first stitching up the rest of my entire body”. Seeing this, the three criminals immediately lost their minds-becoming like mad. The police handcuffed them and as they were being taken away to an asylum for the insane, the criminals started raving that it could not be possible that the Saudi Arabian man whom they killed, beheaded, and dissected could yet be alive.

The Saudi Arabian went to a medical facility to undergo examination by doctors and medical examiners who confirmed and attested that the stitching was done very recently, thereby validating the miraculous event. The stitches were, and still are, obvious. When the Saudi Arabian came out of the car’s trunk, he had the appearance, literally, of just having been refabricated (put back together) to which he continuously confessed that the PANAGIA had rejoined his body and resurrected him with the help of her Son.

Immediately after this, the Saudi Arabian called his relatives to come to Syria and they all went together to the monastery of Panagia Saidnaya and offered up prayers, praises, and glorification, and instead of the initial gift of $80,000 US (which was promised), he gave $800,000 US to the Theotokos.

Today, as this man relates the details of that overwhelming miracle, he starts his narration with “When I was a Moslem this happened to me” this indicating he is not longer a Moslem, as neither is his family.

This miracle stunned with awesome surprise the entire Arabic/Moslem nation and all of the Middle East.

Source: http://full-of-grace-and-truth.blogspot.com/2009/01/great-miracle-in-syria-and-convent-of.html

[magnoliasinbloom]

Lullaby

AO3 :: Previously

Chapter 18

June rolled around, and with it, summer hols. I was set on sticking to my plan, regardless of how big I was getting, so I could be accepted into nursing school, build a career, and take better care of my baby girl. I knew Mum and Dad would be glad to help, but I couldn’t depend on them forever.

Despite all the sleeping in class, I passed my exams with flying colors. Jamie, of course, played a huge part in my success. I couldn’t have done it without his help and encouragement. Dad had started driving me to school in the mornings; my joints ached and I had a strange shooting pain in my hips. Dr. Raymond had mentioned this was due to my pelvis widening, to prepare for childbirth. I cringed at the thought; if all went well, and there was no reason to think otherwise, it would be a natural birth. In case of complications, we could resort to a cesarean section. I began to walk with a distinct waddle as my center of gravity completely shifted.

We were stuck in the middle of a strange heat wave—strange for Glasgow, anyway. The constant humidity made me moody, and often, just downright pissed for no reason. Jamie was another issue entirely. Whenever I was in one of my pissy moods, sometimes I would take it out on him. It wasn’t his fault—it was just that he was constantly with me, the one who was there to catch the fallout. He would then walk on eggshells around me, which would make me feel terribly guilty. I apologized, he would say there was nothing to forgive, and back to normal.

Sometimes, I felt strange around him. I would glance up from whatever I was doing and catch a look in his blue eyes, which made me blush hotly and I couldn’t meet his gaze. I couldn’t quite pinpoint why.

Jamie was very attached to the baby, for reasons I couldn’t fathom. He spent time talking to her, taking care of me almost as much as Mum. He was on break from uni too, and had loads of free time; he wouldn’t resume classes until September, like me. That would be after the baby was born. In between helping his da on the farm, he had nothing but time on his hands.

I’d go out for coffee (well, tea) with my girlfriends sometimes. But mostly, Jamie and I spent afternoons in the living room, at my house or Lallybroch. Jamie would read to my belly, claiming babies could hear everything inside the womb. He would sit next to me and sing—horribly off-key I must say—Queen and Beatles’ songs.

I secretly loved when he did this. He was so good at many things, but singing wasn’t one of them. It never ceased to amaze me how many things Jamie had going for him: sweet, handsome, intelligent, caring, sensitive… like I told him playfully, the girl who got him would be lucky indeed.

But then, thinking about this random, hypothetical lucky girl gave me a slight twinge in the chest that I couldn’t explain away.

~ ~ ~

June ended, and with it came July—the beginning of my eighth month of pregnancy. I paced about my room, between the tiny closet and dresser, picking clothes to pack my hospital bag. There was still a month to go, but it was better to be prepared. I folded t-shirts and loose-fitting pants inside, wondering how soon I could fit into my regular clothes. I included a set of baby clothes Mum and Ellen had bought for the baby for when I brought her home.

I was killing time before Jamie picked me up for a late lunch at Lallybroch. My mum and dad were out for the day. I zipped up the bag and sat on my bed. Our mothers had done a great job fixing up my room for the baby’s arrival. In no time at all, they had repainted the walls a soft sage color, added a tiny bassinette with soft blankets, a set of drawers for the baby’s clothes and things (which doubled as a changing table), and only had to remove my old desk to make everything fit. It was a little cramped, but I didn’t mind at all; everything looked beautiful.

I heard my mobile ping with a text. Jamie was here. I grabbed my purse and slowly made my way downstairs, gripping the banister tightly. Jamie was patient, aware that I was moving a lot slower these days.

As we walked to the car, he looked sideways at me. “Ye look nice.”

I smiled in thanks. I was wearing a dress Mum had picked out for me. It was maternity of course, and I had only agreed to wear it because it kept me cool in the humid heat. I preferred the maternity pants with the scary elastic waistband, hidden under flowy blouses.

Jamie drove within the speed limit, cranking up the AC and the music, chatting all the while. He seemed slightly wound up, distracting me with questions. There was little traffic on the motorway, and we made record time to Lallybroch.

“Claire,” Jamie said uncertainly. He took my hand and pressed it between his. “Please dinna hate me for this.”

“For what?” I asked, bewildered. I turned my head and suddenly noticed that there were quite a few cars parked around us.

“Keep in mind, this wasna my idea.” Jamie let go of my hand, and got out of the car. He came around to open my door and help me out.

“James Alexander etcetera, etcetera Fraser, what’s going on?”

He just smiled, shaking his head. He walked me up the steps and I could hear voices and laughter inside. I stopped at the door and refused to budge.

“Sassenach, come on. Be nice.”

“You be nice. Tell me what’s behind this door or I swear I’m walking home.” To Inverness to catch a train, at least.

“Alright, alright… but ye do realize I could just carry ye—” He stopped at the murderous look on my face. “Fine. Our mums, Jenny, and yer friends might have organized something for ye. Like a party.”

Oh. I considered; I didn’t particularly enjoy being the center of attention, but there was nothing I could do to avoid it. Jamie was still regarding me warily, expecting one of my recent temper explosions. I smiled at him instead, and he looked relieved.

He opened the door for me, and I saw Lallybroch was filled with people. Mum was there, standing by a table filled with food. Ellen was with her, arranging plates. Louise and Mary were chatting on a sofa. Jenny, Jamie’s sister, came to me, enveloping me in a fierce hug.

“Claire! How’ve ye been, love?” She seemed the exact opposite of Jamie—dark-haired, much shorter, but with the same slant to her blue eyes that marked them both as Frasers.

“I’ve been well! Tired, but okay.” I let her lead me into the living room. There were some of my schoolmates, all women. A baby shower—I took in the decorations, all delicate pastel colors. Balloons and stuffed animals and baby shoes were strewn about.

“If ye need anything at all, ye ken Ian and I are here for ye,” Jenny said. She and her husband lived in Glasgow too, but were busy with three children of their own. I knew Jamie enjoyed being uncle to them too.

Everyone turned to me excitedly, rising at once to kiss me hello and touch my huge belly. Jamie lingered by the door, until he caught my eye. He gestured outside and waved; I understood he would be leaving us girls to our party.

Ellen and Mum each hugged me as I thanked them for the surprise. “Everything is absolutely beautiful!” Even the napkins fit with the baby motif. I looked at the refreshment table—the food looked simply superb.

My mum leaned in and stage-whispered, “This was mostly her idea,” nodding towards Ellen. “She took care of pretty much everything. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“It really is, Ellen. Thank you so much.”

“I’m so glad you like it, dear.” Ellen put her arm around my shoulders and directed me to a sofa. I plopped down heavily; I was glad to be off my feet.

There were games and cake and gifts—lots of gifts. There were adorable pink and yellow sundresses, tiny onesies, and soft plush blankets. Ellen and Jenny had found a secondhand stroller and a high chair, for when the baby was older.

Better than all the presents, I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by the love and support they gave me. I couldn’t help but cry a little as I thanked them all for coming, and for the beautiful things they had given me.

Mum, Jenny, and I stayed to help Ellen clean up after everyone left, despite her protests. Brian came home around half past seven, and gave himself the job of piling the gifts I had received into the trunk of Mum’s car. I only stopped to wonder why Jamie wasn’t back yet, but I imagined he must have other things to do. Jenny hugged me goodbye with a reminder to call her anytime.

When we got home, the silver Peugeot was parked outside the house. Mum urged me inside, saying that Dad would help her carry it all in. Jamie was actually watching TV with my father. Dad rose to help Mum.

“Did ye have fun?” Jamie asked as I approached.

“I did, actually. Thank you. Did you have trouble, keeping the secret?” I grinned.

“A little. Especially since I know how much you hate being the center of attention.” He knew me well. “Besides, yer mother and Jenny would have killed me if I had so much as hinted.”

I nodded. “You’re probably right.”

My parents walked in, loaded with boxes and bags. Jamie went to help them. We all trooped up to my room, and they laid the gifts on my bed. Mum helped me sort through them and put them away in the dresser.

After she’d left, Jamie took on a shy expression. “There’s still something missing here.”

“What?” I shifted the gift bags heaped on my bed, thinking I had missed one.

“It’s downstairs. Let me get it.” He darted out of my room before I could ask more.

I heard him call out to my dad. I wondered why he would need his help. Then I heard them both grunting with effort. Their steps clambered awkwardly up to my room. Suddenly Dad’s back came into view. He and Jamie were lugging a rocking chair between them.

I gasped with delight. There was a huge white satin bow tied around it. They set the chair in the last unoccupied corner of the room, next to the crib. Dad shook his head, and clapped Jamie on the back.

I covered my mouth with one of my hands, afraid I was going to start bawling. I had always admired this particular rocking chair. It had sat in the Lallybroch guest room; it was an antique, the wood worn, weathered, and restored to perfection by Ellen herself.

“Just what the room was missing.” Jamie shrugged and smiled. He took in my expression and seemed even more pleased with himself.

“Jamie, it’s too much. I can’t accept this.” I knew she had rocked both her children in it. Despite my words, I couldn’t’ resist stepping closer, reaching out to touch the smooth wooden armrests.

“Mam wanted ye to have it,” he said simply. “She’s not takin’ it back, Sassenach, and I really dinna want to carry it down again. It’s too heavy.” I laughed.

“Thank you.” I moved towards him. Jamie looked slightly taken aback as I reached up and hugged him. My arms only came around the top of his ribcage. He hesitated for a second before putting his arms around me too.

As he held me, I felt strange. I rested my forehead on the center of his chest for a moment. Breathing deeply, I caught a hint of Jamie’s scent, warm and clean. For a moment, I forgot about my worries: how in less than a month I would be taking care of a newborn, what I would do if she wouldn’t stop crying, if I’d be a terrible mother. Everything faded into the background.

It was just us, Claire and Jamie. He would help me through this, as would all my family. I felt brave, in his arms.

I felt perfect.

[brittle-bone-gabe]

Losers Holiday

Summary: Richie and Eddie decided to invite the Losers over to their new house for their own holiday.  Pairing: Eddie x Richie (Reddie), Beverly x Ben (Benverly), Stan x Patty Read on Ao3: Here

The winter holiday months had always felt... off... for the Losers. Well, not when they were younger, when the holidays had a magical feel to it, Santa, close family, presents and all that. There must be a time in everyone’s lives where the holidays just don’t feel the same, not like they used to, especially when you had to work, to pay bills, take care of yourself and family didn’t really feel like family anymore. Growing up sucked. That much was clear. 

When they were kids, the Losers would always celebrate their own holiday in December. It wasn’t exactly Christmas, mainly out of respect for Stan, even though he told them over and over that he didn’t care. Instead, they called it the Losers Holiday. It was fun, they’d drink cheap alcohol from whoever could sneak it from their parents’ stash, some of them would smoke cigarettes, and as they got older they would bring pot, and they would bring each other presents. Growing up and eventually apart, the Losers never felt the same joy during the holidays as they did with their Losers Holiday. 

Especially Richie, once he moved out of Derry after he graduated high school he hasn’t celebrated any holiday ever. Not Thanksgiving, not Christmas, he would get black out drunk on New Years, but that was about it. He felt bad about leaving Derry without saying goodbye to the remaining Losers, but he needed to do it for his sanity. He had a great home life, he and his mother had struggled seeing eye-to-eye at most times, but loved and cared about each other... well... until Richie came out to them. His dad was happy for him, saying that he should do whatever makes him happy, but his mom was silent. She didn’t say much, but certainly treated him slightly different afterwards. Eventually Richie couldn’t take it anymore and left, with little money he saved up from working, only the clothes on his back hoping he would make it somewhere. 

Beverly didn’t celebrate Christmas anyways while she was living with her dad in Derry, in fact, she never did until she moved in with her aunt in Seattle, Washington. Still, the amount of positive family around her and the presents didn’t compare to the holiday memories that had slowly started to fade from the move. She could never put her finger on why it didn’t feel right, now until going back to Derry to meet back up with the Losers Club. All the memories had flooded back, everything made sense. She knew there was a reason she always bought cheap alcohol during Christmas time, it wasn’t good, but it brought back memories that she couldn’t exactly pull from the back of her mind. 

Mike, living on his grandfather’s farm and not having a mom and dad to celebrate Christmas holidays always kinda bummed him out. Yeah, his grandfather tried his best, but they didn’t have much back then, all the money they had went into bills and farm related purchases. Mike always told himself that he didn’t need a Christmas like he saw on the holiday TV movies, he had a roof over his head, food, a place to sleep, and the best friends a person could ask for. So when the Losers started their Losers Holiday he was awkward with giving out the gifts he picked out, not sure if he wrapped them right, if they were good enough, etc. The smile he had plastered on his face when everyone expressed how much they loved their gifts was something Bev wished she could’ve taken a picture of and frame it, she swore she never seen him so happy before. Living in the library all these years waiting for It to come back didn’t help, he had nobody to celebrate it with in general and it lowkey made him depressed. 

Ben got spoiled for the most part of Christmas. The kinda kid who believed in Santa until he was almost thirteen, his parents wasn’t going to ruin his holiday fun. The Losers’ face when Ben said ‘Santa’s coming in a few days.’ Everyone was silent until Richie broke out in laughter, telling Ben that was a good joke, but when Ben gave him a confused look his laughter had died down and for the first time in his life he shrunk, not wanting to be the one to tell him the news. Nobody really wanted to poke at that, but Bev was the one who broke the news, saying it was just his parents putting presents under the tree. Then why would the label say it’s from ‘Santa’? That’s when it hit him that it was in his mom’s handwriting. Whoops. 

Eddie did not like Christmas. Mainly because whenever he went out of town to meet up with family every Christmas Eve someone in his family was sick, and he would return home sick. Like, actually sick with a cold. His mom would keep him in bed for an extra week from school so he could get well again, even when Eddie kept saying he felt fine enough to go back, she just wouldn’t allow it. His mom would always say things like ‘I couldn’t get you much this year because I had to buy you all this medicine for your illnesses.’ So yeah, Eddie was drilled into feeling guilty during Christmas and it fucking sucked. Oh, yeah, not to mention that going out this time of year was gross; the stores were always more busy than usual, more people bumping into you and spreading their germs. Disgusting. 

Stan couldn’t care less about Hanukkah, to be completely honest. Yeah, his dad was a Rabbi and was always stern with him about his studies, but Stan just. Did. Not. Care. He never really felt like dealing with it, but when the Losers made their own holiday he finally felt like he was involved with something. He enjoyed drinking and giving presents to his best friends, he liked showing that he cared about them when he felt like he hasn’t in the past. 

Christmas was never the same to Bill since Georgie died; he would always remember how excited his younger brother would get that Santa was going to come to their house and bring them presents. Something about a child getting excited over Christmas always made Bill smile and play along to whatever they were talking about. Bill noticed that Christmas slowly started fading away in his house as a kid, his parents moped around in December, eventually they even stopped putting up a Christmas tree. Which was understandable, but it still made Bill sad that they still couldn’t hold onto one more thing. Oh well, the Losers Holiday instantly replaced it, and he got just as excited as Georgie did when Christmas rolled around. 

Now December was rolling around again and since the Losers were finally reunited after all these years they were excited to do their little holiday again. It was actually Eddie who brought it up, asking the other Losers if they wanted to do it as his and Richie’s new house that they recently bought. Everyone was excited to come up to Chicago to see the house and celebrate. Yeah, it’s only been a few months since they met up in Derry for the first time in years, and yeah, they texted in their group chat all the time, but they would rather see each other in person. This was going to be exciting. 

                                                               -----

“Will you please get off your lazy ass and help me clean?” Eddie asked Richie, who had his feet kicked up on the coffee table in the living room as he was drinking a beer on the couch while watching some shitty Hallmark Christmas movie. 

“Eds! I can’t!” Richie said, acting as though Eddie should’ve known that.

“Why the fuck not?”

He gestured towards the TV, and Eddie had no idea what he was supposed to be looking at, so he folded his arms across his chest, raising an eyebrow. From what Eddie could tell it was almost the end of the back to back to back to back Christmas movies. Who knows? They were all the goddamn same. 

“It’s almost the last minute, Eddie!” 

“The las- what?”

“The last minute. These boring ass cookie cutout couples don’t kiss until the last minute of the movie.” He checked his watch, not thinking about the beer can he was holding in the same hand, almost spilling it on his shirt. “Annnd....” He held up a closed hand, still watching the seconds on his watch before snapping his fingers and pointing at the TV. “Now.” Exactly as if on cue, the couple on the TV finally had their first kiss. “Awww,” Richie said sarcastically, “why can’t we have that, Eds?”

“Because I’m not a woman who works too much on Christmas and you’re not the man whose gonna change my ways at the last second,” he said, grabbing the remote and turned off the TV, “get up.”

“So oddly specific, I love it,” he said, standing up from the couch, stretching as he did. “I can put on a blonde wig.”

“Oh god...” 

“Get an office job, work my way up,” he moved over to Eddie, wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him closer so he had to look down at him, “become an important business woman. You swoop in and change my ways. Romantic.”

“I said I was the woman. Not you, Trashmouth.” 

“You’re right.” Richie reached up, rubbing the sides of his face with one hand, “this scruffy bastard isn’t pretty enough. But...”he booped Eddie’s nose, causing his face to scrunch up, “you are.”

“Th...” Eddie had to take a second to process anything Richie just said, “thanks, Richie.” 

“Oh, you are so welcome!” He leaned down, pressing his lips against Eddie’s. “Have Bev do my makeup,” he said against his lips. 

“Okay that’s enough,” he said, pushing Richie away playfully. “Beep beep, Richie.” 

“Beep beep, Richie,” he mocked, rolling his eyes with a smile on his face. “But, what is there to clean? You’ve been cleaning and deep cleaning since you invited everyone over. I think it’ll hold up through tomorrow. Oh!” Richie said, switching back to his stupid joke, “Bev can make me a custom made dress!” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. It was clear Richie was getting excited, he was talking so fucking much. Times like this really showed Richie’s ADHD, he would talk a mile a minute and keep switching subjects back and forth and expect everyone to keep up. He wasn’t medicated with Adderall, he said he didn’t like the way it made him feel. Apparently the first time he took Adderall was at a college party, while everyone was taking it to get high, it did the opposite for Richie, in fact he went home to clean his entire dorm and do some homework instead. Why would I want to be productive, Eds? Was what Eddie recalled him saying when he had suggested him going to the doctor for his ADHD. 

“They won’t care what the house looks like,” Richie continued, swapping the subject again, following Eddie into the kitchen, “I mean, it’s spotless, babe. It’s not like they’ll gonna check for tiny specks of dust.”

“I know they won’t.” He opened the cabinet under the sink, looking for... something. Cleaning supplies most likely. “But Patty is coming with Stan so...” 

“Son of a bitch,” Richie said happily, “we finally get to meet the great Patty.”

Eddie pointed at him with the duster, causing Richie to put his hands up shoulder height as if he was pointing a gun at him. “You will behave.” 

“When don’t I?!” 

“Richard.” Richie clicked his tongue, giving Eddie a wink, Eddie let out a sigh. “Please?”

“I’ll do my best.” 

Eddie kissed his cheek. “Thank you.” He shoved the duster into Richie’s hands so now he couldn’t refuse to help.  “Get cleaning.” 

“Aw hell yeah,” Richie said before he began shaking the duster. Either just because he was bored or to piss Eddie off, the smaller man couldn’t tell, but he was sending dust everywhere. All the work Eddie put in the past week was quickly being destroyed unintentionally. 

“Richie!” He snapped, snatching the duster away from him, his eyes were wide in surprise and confusion. “You’re not helping! Just…” Eddie let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I dunno…. go…. um…” When he looked up at Richie he had a smile on his face, ready to do whatever task was given to him. Goddammit he was too cute for this world. Eddie snapped his fingers. “I know. It’s a job even you can handle.” 

“Ouch.” 

“No, shut up, you’ll like it. Go to the store and get the cheapest alcohol you can find.” 

“Cheap?!” Richie put a hand on his chest as if he was wounded by Eddie’s words, “Richie Trashmouth doesn’t buy cheap! Only the best for my pack of Losers!”

“We used to only drink cheap alcohol for our holiday.”

“We used to steal it too. Oh.” Richie smiled. “Is it for the aesthetic?” Richie knew that was a meme, Eddie didn’t. That’s what made his expression even more hilarious.  “You want me to rob the liquor store?” 

“Shut the fuck up.”

“I can see it now!” He wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders, bringing him to his side, using his other arm to wave it across them as if they were standing in lights. “‘Richie Tozier under fire for robbing a liquor store of their cheapest alcohol. More at five.’ Ah? Would you like to see that? I’d like to see that. Aesthetic.” 

“Just…” Eddie had to stop as he let out a laugh from his stupid jokes. He put a hand on his face, looking at his boyfriend lovingly. “Jesus fucking Christ. Just go, Richie.” 

“Once I get my ski mask from the closet it’s over for those bitches at the liquor store.” Eddie was startled when Richie pulled him in close, planting a quick kiss on his lips before getting ready to face the harsh winter that was the outdoors. 

                                                                 -----

It was hard for Richie and Eddie to sleep, no matter what they did they just could not sleep for the life of them. Eddie was panicking about the shape of the house, did he do this? Did he do that? All of these constant self doubt questions were swarming in his head in the middle of the night, rendering his ability to sleep. Richie, on the other hand, was too excited to sleep. He couldn’t wait to see the Losers again after all these months. Yeah, texting them was great but tomorrow would be even better. 

Throughout the night they were blaming each other on their inability to sleep. You keep tossing and turning. Yeah, well you keep mumbling shit in your sleep. Eddie has gotten fed up with Richie fidgeting, tapping his fingers and bouncing his leg in bed, so eventually he climbed onto the taller man and laying on him for the rest of the night so he would stop. Richie didn’t know that. Richie thought Eddie just wanted to cuddle, so he held him close and that’s when they eventually fell asleep.

A night of tossing and turning and a deep sleep never mixed too well. In fact, Richie and Eddie overslept well into the afternoon the next day. Y’know, when the Losers were supposed to show up to start their holiday. The two idiots didn’t even hear their many, many, many set alarms that they needed to even wake up in the morning. Yikes. 

Richie mumbled something under his breath when his cell phone started vibrating next to his head on the mattress. He wasn’t ready to wake up, he was still tired and needed just five more minutes. He tried rolling over to get away from the noise, but Eddie was still laying on him so he couldn’t move at all. Eventually Richie opened on eye, looking over at the red LEDs of their digital alarm clock. Without his glasses he couldn’t even try to make out what it said. 

“Okay, okay…” he said under his breath as he reached for his phone. He had to squint hard to be able to make out the time on the phone through his already blurry vision and his tired eyes. 12:44. Wait, was that right? Richie bolted upward, almost knocking Eddie off the bed. “Eddie!” He almost yelled, shaking his boyfriend a little to wake him up. “We’re late!” Eddie mumbled something, his eyes still closed as he waved a hand to Richie as if to signal ‘five more minutes.’  “Eddie!” 

“Why are you always so loud,” Eddie said, clamping his hands over his ears, rolling over onto the empty mattress space next to him. 

“It’s-” 

“Shush!” Eddie said, attempting to put a hand over Richie’s face to shut him up, but couldn’t quite reach. Richie grabbed his wrist as he put on his glasses. “I don’t want to hear a word from you until the alarm clock goes off.” 

“That’s wh-”

Richie was interrupted again when the doorbell rang, followed by some pounding from someones fist. “They’re here!” He announced happily. Eddie’s eyes shot open, looking at the digital clock on his nightstand. 

Oh fuck they overslept.

“Oh shit, I’m not even dressed yet!” Eddie whined, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. “I’ll just text them-” 

“Too late!” Richie yelled as he ran out of bed in only a t-shirt and boxers with a huge smile on his face. 

Eddie let out a groan of frustration as he smacked his forehead. Well, okay, fine, as long as it’ll give Eddie time to get dressed and ready. 

Richie unlocked the door, swinging it open, leaning against the door frame with the same huge smile plastered onto his face. “Losers!” He said loudly and happily when he saw the five adults standing outside in the cold. Richie shivered from the gust of winter air that entered their house. 

“For f-f-fucks sake, R-Richie,” he could hear Bill groan. 

“I was just so excited to see all of you,” he gestured to himself, “forgot to put clothes on.” Bill pushed past him, entering the house as he hated the cold and didn’t want to stand outside any longer. “Oh, yeah! Come in.” He moved aside more, holding the door open so they could come in. “And who-” he stopped, remembering that he and Eddie were meeting Stan’s wife for the first time ever. “Ah, shit. This is not the first impression I wanted,” he told the blonde haired woman holding onto Stan’s hand. “Oh God, Eddie’s gotta save this,” he mumbled, “Hi! I’m Richie Tozier,” he reached over, shaking Patty’s hand, “so glad Stan the Man found someone. I thought he’d be alone forever.” 

Patty laughed, but Stan wasn’t having it. “Nice to meet you, Richie. Stan’s... said a lot of great things.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck you, dude,” Stan said, holding up a middle finger, causing Richie to laugh. 

“Yeah, fuck you too. I am a delight.” 

“Richiiee, the house is beautiful,” Beverly said, moving over to pull him into a hug, planting a kiss on his cheek.

“You think so?” He wrapped an arm around her, “apparently three people were killed here. Eddie didn’t want to go for it, but... the house has history. Nice wholesome family home. You guys want kids?” He nodded towards Patty and Stan. 

“Richie,” Bev said, lightly smacking his side. 

“What?!” 

“Oh, God, where’s Eddie? We need you to shut up,” Ben said, glancing around. 

“We’ve been trying,” Patty said with a smile, pressing up against Stan’s side so he wrapped an arm around her, bringing her in closer. 

Everyone could tell just the look on Richie’s face he was going to make a stupid, awful joke. So there was a collection of “Beep beep, Richie”’s from everyone. 

“I didn’t say anything!” 

“You were going to,” Mike said, taking a seat on their couch, “Eddie!” He called out, “come get your man!” 

There was a small bumping around coming from their bedroom before Eddie came out fully dressed, a stern look on his face at whatever it was Richie could’ve said. 

“Richard,” Eddie said in between clenched teeth, a wave of ooooh’s filled the room, “what did you do?!” He stomped into the room, but once he saw Patty his entire mood change. “Oh, hi,” he said to her, “I’m Eddie,” he held out his hand, shaking hers in return. 

“I’m Patty, it’s really nice to meet you.” 

“I’m sorry you already met Richie.” 

She giggled. “No! It’s okay, he’s sweet. In his… own loud way.” 

“Wooow,” Richie said, folding his arms over his chest, “rude. I love her.” 

“Eddie, the house is beautiful,” Bev said, moving away from Richie to give him a hug. 

“Y-yeah, h-h-how l-long did it t-take to clean?” Bill asked. 

“Probably like twenty years,” Ben added playfully. 

“Twenty- like…” Eddie was trying to think back when he actually started cleaning up, with Richie making a constant mess it kept setting him back, “I dunno, a week.” His eyes moved back over to Richie who was still in his boxers. “Jesus Christ, dude. Go put on some clothes.” 

“Awww, don’t be jealous, Ed’s. I’m still taken only for you,” he said with a wink, causing Eddie’s face to turn pink before moving back to go put something on. 

“Something nice!” Eddie yelled over his shoulder. “We overslept,” he told the Losers before plopping down next to Mike on the couch. 

“That’s what you get for overworking yourself,” Stan added. 

“I don’t overwork myself.” 

“Eddie, honey, you do,” Bev added, linking hands with Ben, “everything looks great I promise.”

“You know what else looks great?!” The Losers could hear Richie yell from his bedroom, “anyone who isn’t Eddie come in here and tell me what you think!” 

“I am not going to look,” Stan announced, folding his arms. 

“Oh, I am!” Patty said happily, dropping his hand to catch up with Beverly who was accompanied by Ben and Bill

Mike didn’t want to know either. He had a long drive and didn’t want to stand up yet, he was too tired and just had a feeling he was going to shake Richie for whatever stupid prank he had planned. 

“Sorry we overslept,” Eddie apologized, seriously feeling bad about it. 

“It’s okay, Eddie,” Mike said, patting the smaller mans back, “we’re all here and that’s what matters.” 

“For the first time in years it actually feels like a holiday,” Stan added as he took a seat on a fold out chair, “we were glad you invited us over. Patty wouldn’t stop talking about it since.” He smiled as he thought of how excited Patty became when Stan asked her if she wanted to meet up with his childhood friends for their own holiday. It was priceless. 

“Richie!” 

“Do not wear that around Eddie.” 

“H-he’s gonna k-kill you, dude.” 

Eddie groaned when he heard Ben laughing hysterically, sitting back on the couch pinching the bridge of his nose. He should’ve guessed that Richie had something planned for today. The moment Richie steps back into the living room Eddie had the feeling he was going to beat him up as soon as everybody left. This was the guy Eddie wanted to marry? Unbelievable. 

The four Losers came back out without Richie, their faces red from laughing so hard trying to contain themselves when they saw Eddie’s face. 

“It looks great!” Patty said, giving Eddie two thumbs up as she sat down next to Stan. 

“We gotta c-call the funeral home once Eddie sees him.” 

“How bad is it?” Eddie asked them, moving his hand from his face. 

“It’s goo-... it’s….” Bev stopped, trying to think of the right words to say, “it’s festive,” she settled on. 

Ben couldn't say anything as he was having issues trying to contain his laughter and eventually had to cover his mouth. 

Would it be too soon for Eddie to start drinking the cheap alcohol that they picked up? Either way, he was going to be the first one to drink tonight. 

“Just…” Eddie out a sigh, “let’s see it, Richie!” He called backed to his room. 

Eddie could hear the sound of Richie’s socked feet and slight jingles as he was making his way into the living room. He had to close his eyes, he wasn’t sure what to expect, even thinking the worst case never prepares Eddie for whatever jokes Richie had in store. 

Somewhere along the way Richie had put on a headband that had little antlers on the top that provided the source of the jingling. The moment he stepped into the living room Ben lost it again, basically crying as he laughed. 

“Goddammit, Trashmouth. What the fuck is that?” Stan demanded before letting out his own laugh. 

“Eddie. Eddie. Look at me. I bought this because of you and I want you to look.” 

“Don’t look, Eddie,” Mike said in between his own laughter. 

The smaller man let out a deep sigh before moving his hand away from his eyes. What he saw standing in the living room made him want to deck Richie as hard as he could. With that trademark goofy smile he was wearing an ugly holiday sweater with an elf plush at the bottom with the words When I Think About You I Want To Touch My Elf. 

“Whatdoya think?” Richie asked, his hands out by his sides waiting for an answer.

“I hate you. I hate everything about you. You are sleeping on the goddamn couch forever. I cannot stand you,” Eddie said slowly, his face turning red. Why was Richie like this? 

“Aww, he likes it!” 

“I do not like it! The second you take it off I am burning it.”

“Oh, in that case I will never be taking it off. Mike! What do you think?” 

“Eddie can we put him outside for awhile?” Mike asked, completely ignoring Richie. 

Everyone was agreeing with Mike on that one. 

“No! Trashmouths don’t like the cold. We thrive in warmth. Like in an uptight risk analysis’ warmth.” He plopped on Eddie’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck so Eddie couldn’t just shove him to the floor. 

“Where’s the alcohol?” Eddie asked as he tried to stand up, a loud dramatic whine came from Richie as he did as if to say pay attention to me. 

“Why can’t we be like that?” Patty asked Stan. 

Stan’s face was actually priceless. If he ended up getting married to anyone like Richie he would rather die. He was quiet and reserved and Richie… Richie was the opposite of that. 

“I th-think if a-anyone had to be with Richie they would th-throw themselves off a c-c-cliff,” Bill added with a smirk on his face. “S-s-seriously Eddie, how do you d-d-deal with it?” 

“Lots of alcohol.” 

“Please. You drink once or twice a month and get drunk with one drink. You love me!” Richie planted a kiss on his cheek. 

“They were made for each other!” Bev added, playing with Ben’s fingers. 

“Yeah, they’re both annoying,” Ben added. 

“We’re not annoying!” Richie and Eddie said at the same time. 

Richie scoffed, “None of you will be getting presents then.” 

“No wait.” 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Shut up.” 

The evening was nice. The Losers spent almost an hour opening their gifts, they were all super nice and thoughtful. Richie went on a long rant after opening up his present from Stan as he had gotten him a kids joke book with a card that read: Use these, they are probably better than your jokes (: he joked that he was going to use these up on stage then thank Stan personally for giving him new material. Everyone could tell before looking at the name tag on the gifts which ones were from Eddie, as his wrapping skills were seriously unmatched. Then you had Richie’s who looked like a kid was trying to hurry up and get through the wrapping process. 

It was nice catching up with everyone again face to face rather than texting or the occasional phone call. They all went out to get pizza before finishing up the night with cheap alcohol. Eddie had tried to convince Richie to change his shirt before leaving the house, but the comedian was having none of it, saying something about how the world needed to see his Sunday Best outfit. Of course, while they were out Bev and Patty took plenty of pictures and selfies with the other Losers (even if it was against their will), just to remind them that there were more Loser Holidays coming up in their future. To Eddie’s horror there were fans of Richie who asked to take a picture of him wearing that god awful ugly sweater that he couldn’t wait to get his hands on and burn. 

Overall it was a great night with great food and so-so alcohol. Nobody really got drunk except for Eddie, who anyways, was always considered a lightweight. Everyone was trying to convince him that he loved Richie’s sweater, but drunk Eddie still wasn’t having any of it, saying if he had to he would burn Richie alive along with the shirt. 

This was the holiday spirit that they all remembered and missed dearly. The staying up late telling stories about their childhoods, laughing and spilling alcohol everywhere on accident, hell, just for the fun of it, the eight of them played truth-or-dare like they would used to. Of course, Richie would make anyone who picked dare lives miserable. There was a reason none of them cared for the overhyped and oversold holidays, because this was the best one. The one where you’re surrounded by friends you’d consider family over your own family having an amazing time. That was the best type of holiday.

[pamphletstoinspire]

February, the month dedicated to the Holy Family

THE REARING OF CHILDREN by the Carmelites of the Holy Trinity in Washington

More than a century ago, on April 9th, 1888, Therese Martin entered the Carmel of Lisieux where she was to die 9 years later in the odor of sanctity. But we should make no mistake: St. Therese did not become a Saint in 9 years. The young girl of 15 who crossed the threshold of Carmel that day had already advanced quite far on the "straight way that leads to Heaven". Her parents were her first "Novice Masters" and their own holiness strongly influenced the future Saint. It is certainly worth noting that both Mr. and Mrs. Martin are candidates for beatification. They have already passed the first step towards canonization by being declared Venerable. Many of the letters written by St. Therese's mother are still extant and, besides giving us many details about the Martin family, they form almost a treatise on Catholic education.

Mrs. Martin understood very well that Catholic education means much more than morning and evening prayer, attendance at Mass and sending the children to a good Catholic school. After bestowing natural life, parents must see to it that their children receive also supernatural life through Baptism. And then, they have to foster the development both of the body and of the soul. Mrs. Martin, as a truly Catholic mother, always gave priority to the soul. She considered her children as a sacred trust received from God and never lost sight of this important truth: a child is not a plaything.

If baptism removes original sin, it nevertheless leaves in the soul the four wounds of malice, infirmity, ignorance and concupiscence. Anyone who has been around little children knows that this is no mere theory. Very soon little ones begin to manifest evil tendencies. Too often, parents smile at these childish outbursts of anger, jealousy, stubbornness, pride, etc... which they even consider "cute". No, a child is NEVER CUTE when he is stubborn, proud, etc... Vices are like weeds. If you uproot them as soon as they show up, you will pull the whole thing out without difficulty.

But, do not weed your garden for a few weeks... and you will see the result! If children are corrected from their early childhood, the whole task of education will be much easier. Mrs. Martin never showed any weakness. She never allowed stubbornness or childish whims. Writing to her brother about Pauline (the future Mother Agnes of Jesus), she could say: "I have never spoiled her, and LITTLE THOUGH SHE WAS, I never let anything pass unchecked. Without making a martyr of her, I nevertheless made her obey." Children can easily be "fussy" at table. St. Therese's parents never gave way on this point. At table, children had to behave themselves and no grumbles at dishes they did not like much were ever tolerated. This may seem trivial matter, and how often parents take the easy way out by just yielding to their children. No one will deny that it is a trying task to train children to eat everything, but it is of much greater importance than it may seem at first sight. In fact, you do not only train your children's eating habits, you also train their will, and they will need a strong will to remain Catholic in our apostate world. In Lent, Mrs. Martin would subject the menu to some restrictions and all the fasts of the Church were scrupulously observed, which is an example all Catholic families should follow. It proves to be a great means of promoting a true spirit of mortification in the children.

You may raise the objection: "What a dull life for children!" Oh, no! The Martin family was happy and cheerful and the five girls were very lively. Mrs. Martin had a real gift for stimulating the generosity of her children. She always used supernatural motives to persuade them to fulfill their duties: a sinner to convert, to console Our Lord, etc... In a letter, she reports that her eldest daughter, Marie, valiantly faced the dentist -- remember, they did not put your mouth to sleep in those days! -- to obtain graces for her grandfather who had died recently. Marie was only 9 years old then, and she even felt sorry when the dentist did not pull out her tooth. "It is a pity", she exclaimed, "Grandpa would have left Purgatory!" 

Later on, when her eldest daughters had reached their teens, Mrs. Martin knew how to let them talk freely with her. She deemed it very important that her girls could express their mind fully so that, with much tact and kindness, she could rectify her daughters' judgment and teach them how to look at everything from the standpoint of Faith. The best praise of her "educational system" was given her by her own daughters at the process of beatification of St. Therese: "We were not spoiled. Our mother watched very carefully over her children's souls, and not the smallest fault ever went unreproved. Her training was kind and loving, but attentive and thorough."

St. Therese of the Child Jesus is probably the only Saint about whose childhood we have so many details. In the first four and a half years of St. Therese's life, Mrs. Martin wrote over 120 letters, mainly to her brother and to her daughter Pauline. These letters are an invaluable source of information. They reveal to us the dawn of sanctity in a soul as well as the important part played by the parents in the formation of a Saint. In spite of all her good qualities, St. Therese was not born a Saint. Like the rest of us, she had been wounded by original sin and if her defects were small, they were nevertheless real. there is, for instance, the delightful incident of the two sugar rings, a treasure for a little girl. St. Therese, who had a heart of gold, resolved to give one of the rings to her sister Celine. Alas, on the way home she lost one of the precious rings. What was she to do? Should she give the only ring left to Celine or keep it for herself? The shrewd little girl soon found the solution to this dilemma and declared that, unfortunately, it was Celine's ring that got lost! And the Saint comments: "See, how from childhood we instinctively safeguard our own interests!" And who will not see the "daughter of Eve" in the little Therese who thought she would have looked much nicer with her arms bare when her mother had her wear a pretty dress but with long sleeves?! St. Therese had remarkable qualities too, especially her crystal-clear honesty. Mrs. Martin could write, with some legitimate parental pride: "The little one would not tell a lie for all the gold in the world." Little Therese would always avow her baby faults to her parents without seeking any excuse and would then ask for forgiveness and await her punishment. There is something very charming in this innocent child and it is best expressed in Mrs. Martin's own words, in a letter to Pauline: "She (Therese) had broken a small vase, the size of my thumb, which I had given to her that morning. As usual when she has any accident, she came at once to show it to me. I showed some displeasure. Her little heart swelled...A moment later, she ran to me and said: 'Don't be sad, Mother, when I earn money, I promise you I will buy you another.' As you see it will be a while before I get it!"

St. Therese was an oversensitive little girl. Her eyes would easily fill with tears. One day Celine accused her of "bringing up her dolls badly and letting them have their way." That was enough to make Therese cry. Yet she did not have a weak character, on the contrary she had a very strong will and could even be stubborn. Referring to her two main "weaknesses", i.e. her oversensitiveness and her strong will, St. Therese wrote: "With such dispositions, I feel sure that, had I been brought up by careless parents, I would have become very wicked, and would maybe even have lost my soul." Such a statement should arouse in parents a salutary fear and make them realize their responsibility. Try to imagine what St. Therese would have become if she had spent most of her time sprawled on the carpet watching TV or listening to rock music, if she had been free to indulge all her whims...A good form of examination for parents would be the answer to the following question: "Would St. Therese have become a Saint if she had been brought up the way I bring my children up?" If the answer is "no", then think of the account Mrs. Martin would have had to render to God if, through a careless upbringing, she had deprived God and the world of St. Therese... We are sure you will then lose no time in reforming your method of education, for the greater good of your soul and of your children's souls.

Let us place ourselves at Mrs. Martin's school. The first thing to bear in mind is that, by baptism, any child is God's child. Several times a day, Mrs. Martin would put on her little girl's lips this little prayer: "My God, I give You my heart; Take it, please, so that no creature may possess it, but You alone, Jesus." St. Therese was taught to do everything to please God, and for love of Jesus. One day, Therese could not open the door of the room where Celine was having her lessons. In her frustration, she lay down in front of the door. Her mother told her that she should not behave like this. But the next day, when she found herself before the closed door, she lay down on the floor again. Her sister Mary told her: "Little Therese, you hurt the little Jesus very much when you do this." Therese looked up at her sister. She had understood and she never did it again. Her mother initiated her from a very early age in the art of making sacrifices and when St. Thérèse wrote that since the age of three she had never refused anything to the Good God, it was a tribute not only to her personal holiness but also to Mrs. Martin's method of education.

There is no cry-room in France and St. Therese had to behave herself in church. She loved to go to Mass and at two and a half she would cry if she could not go not only to Mass but also to Vespers. Even though she was very intelligent, she nevertheless surprised her parents when she declared one day: "The sermon was better than usual, but it was long all the same"!! Cry-rooms are not bad in themselves, but alas, too often parents use them as nurseries. It is certainly easier to let your little ones cry, play and eat in the cry-room than to discipline them and teach them how to behave in the House of God. But how many children are drastically retarded in their spiritual growth because up to the age of three, four, or five they have never attended Mass outside of a cry-room, playing, eating, etc... Parents must apply to themselves the words of St. Paul (I Cor. 3:9). They are "God's helpers", and their children are "God's tillage, God's building". God found in Mrs. Martin a faithful collaborator. To be the mother of a Saint was her happiness on earth and it is her glory in Heaven. This happiness and this glory are meant to be yours too, if you cooperate with God in the work of the sanctification of your children.