#my most supportive family is always going to live an hour away from me and ill never truly be able to express myself or my frustrations at

[gaytoddhoward]

they should invent a period that doesnt make me the most miserable person on earth

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

i have thought of 1 (one) pro to this whole housing situation and i’m clinging onto it for dear life

[chosok-amo]

I DARE YOU .ᐟ

BABYSITTER‘S PUNISHMENT : TOJI FUSHIGURO

when you tryna steal from toji to only end up getting fucked by him.

CONTENT WARNING : smut! toji, rough sex, spanking.

P.S this is from toji's pov

ever since my marriage fell apart, and my bitch of an ex-wife (pretend it's not megumi's mom) left me for some hunky personal trainer, I’ve been a little short-tempered. you see, we had built a home together and raised a beautiful son, megumi, who I love more than anything else in the world. we had a gorgeous house in the suburbs, complete with a swimming pool and a large garden with a playground for megumi to entertain himself. I couldn’t have asked for a better home to start a family. so when the aforementioned whore decided to destroy our family, my spirits were crushed and I started to lash out on everyone around me. my secretary at the office was the first to feel my wrath, as I blamed her for every little thing that went wrong, whether it was her fault or not. she was forgiving, though, and ignored my raging temper.

then, I started to shout at people while I was driving, frequently cursing other motorists and swerving erratically so I could make obscene hand gestures at them. I never lashed out at my daughter, I should add. no, she was the one thing that gave me joy in those dark times. a few months after the divorce proceedings, my wife’s ridiculous relationship with her new boyfriend imploded on itself and she came crawling back. I was having none of it and made sure she stayed away.

of course, with the bitch out of the picture I needed some help to look after Megumi whenever I worked late or had to attend meetings at weekends. Luckily, I managed to find a perfect babysitter whose situation suited all of my needs. She was free to work practically every evening and was able to pick up Megumi from school, take him home, feed him, and put him to bed before I even got back. It was an ideal arrangement, not just because of her seemingly constant availability, but because she was absolutely smoking hot. When I interviewed her for the position, I had to keep pulling my eyes away from her chest. Her juicy, round breasts were pressed up against the fabric of her shirt, and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t wearing a bra as I could see two prominent bumps at nipple height.

Her name was Y/n, and her cute smile and flowing hair instantly made the blood rush to my cock. I hired her on the spot, and ever since that day I reveled in the sight of her perky ass whenever I returned home. I could hardly believe my luck— she was stunning, she also got on very well with Megumi and seemed to be totally professional in her duties. However, my opinion of her changed somewhat when I discovered a truth about her that sent me into a rage.

It all happened one day when I was supposed to be working late. I had arranged for her to pick up Megumi as usual and I was set to return home around 10 P.M that night. y/n was totally obliging and supportive, and so the evening seemed to be set. As it turned out I finished work an hour earlier than I’d expected as the person I was supposed to be having a video conference call with didn’t show up. So, I headed home in a somewhat disgruntled and annoyed state. I pulled up at the front of the house, got out of the car, and walked up to the door.

My bedroom light seemed to be turned on, which was strange as I always made sure to turn lights off whenever I left a room— my OCD-like behavior was one of the things my ex-wife hated the most about me. I thought nothing of it and continued up the garden path to the front door. As I walked inside I looked into the living room and then the kitchen. There was no sign of y/n or Megumi, so I assumed that she was busy putting my son to bed. I walked around on my tip-toes for a while, removing my jacket while I got a drink of water from the tap.

Finally, I decided to go up and get changed, so I snuck up the stairs. Megumi’s bedroom door was slightly ajar, but his light was turned off. I thought maybe the lamp should have been on if y/n was in there. I looked at my bedroom door and again saw the light was turned on. I made my way to the door and pushed it open gently as the suspicion flooded my mind.

I peered inside and saw y/n’s ass wiggling around at me as she bent underneath the bed. She was rooting around for something, and when I saw her bag next to her with a small candle-stick holder poking out, I realized she was stealing things from my room. I was horrified that I had let such a criminal into my house and left her alone with my precious son.  However, the sight of her ass moving around turned my anger into something else. Within a matter of seconds, I could feel my cock getting harder.

She hadn’t noticed I was back yet, as her head was well and truly under the bed as she searched for items to plunder. I watched for a few seconds as the rage built inside me, and then stepped inside, closing the door shut as quietly as I could. I crouched behind her and watched for a moment, contemplating the best course of action. The blood was rushing out of my brain to my cock, though, so there was only really one thing on my mind. I knew exactly how to punish her.

”What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I said in a stern voice. She froze and then shuddered as she realised she had been caught. It must have been a massive shock to her system, as she didn’t say a word for what seemed like an eternity. I repeated myself, and then grabbed her feet and dragged her out from under the bed. She tried to claw the carpet to stop me but I was far too strong. As her head appeared from under the bed, she looked up at me with pleading eyes, no doubt presuming she could buy her way out of the situation with a suggestive wink and a squeeze of her breasts. Such leniency was most definitely not on the table, though. I grabbed her arms and pulled her up to her feet, and then turned her around and forced her up against the bed.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!“ she kept repeating, but I wasn’t listening.

“You think you can steal from me?” I scowled, pushing her back down on to the bed as she tried to stand up again. Her ass stuck out as she bent over the side of the bed and I continued “I’ll teach you not to steal from me!”

“What are you going to do with me?” she pleaded, but as she looked back she already knew what I had in mind for her. I kept her chest firmly pressed down on the duvet and raised my hand up above her ass, striking it down with a loud crash. She yelped in horror as I spanked her ass, but I kept going, slapping each cheek over and over again. She tried to push herself up, but I just pushed her back down. She kept resisting, so I grabbed her wrists and yanked them behind her back, holding them in place with one hand while I continued to spank the naughty bitch. She winced and groaned with every hit that thrashed across her ass, but I didn’t feel like she had nearly learned her lesson.

“Are you sorry?” I growled, finding myself getting more and more turned on by her whimpering. Her screams to be let go almost sounded sexual in nature, as if the spanking was turning her on more than it was hurting her.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” she cried, repeating it after every strike that landed over her ass. My cock was rock hard and almost bulging from my trousers. Then I had a much better thought of how to punish her more effectively. I pulled her back up and stood her at the side of the bed, letting go of her arms as I wrapped mine around her chest, constraining her movement completely. She wiggled her body to loosen herself from my grasp, but my arms were far too strong. I ran my hands over her stomach, feeling the material of her vest top as I moved higher and higher towards her breasts.

Once again she wasn’t wearing a bra, and her nipples were poking out firmly through her top. I groped at them and squeezed the warm, fleshy lumps in my fingers as she squirmed around in my arms. No doubt she could feel my massive, hard cock rubbing against her ass cheeks as I held her breathlessly close. I could smell the shampoo she had used to wash her hair that day, as the warmth of her body rose up from the top of her head. I was so turned on, I started to pinch her pert nipples and slap the sides of her tits. She cried out loudly, so I placed the palm of my hand over her mouth to silence her, and then moved it down to her neck and squeezed firmly and menacingly at her windpipe.

“Ssshhh!” I whispered as I continued to fondle her tits, digging my fingers into her skin as I enjoyed the feel of her supple mounds. She could feel my breath on her neck as I leaned in and stared down her cleavage, watching her delicious breasts wobbling around in my fingers. They truly felt fantastic, and I would have happily stayed there for hours playing with them, had it not been for her constant struggling.

“I’m not done with you yet!” I said as she tried to bolt for the door. I pulled her back, grasping at her waist as I pushed her back down on to the bed. She squealed for mercy as I climbed on top of her back, and then started to peel her top up over her head. I pulled her arms up and held them above her head while I pulled the vest up and discarded it on the floor. She lay on the bed with her arms wrapped under her chest, preserving her modesty. I wanted to see those juicy tits, though, so I rolled her on to her back and pulled her arms open to expose them.

They were even more beautiful in the flesh than I had imagined – perfectly round and just enough to fit in my hands. I held her down and started to fondle them some more, rolling my thumbs around her nipples and pinching them sharply as I pulled them away from her body. Then I began to slap them from side to side, and as I watched them repeatedly jiggling back into position, my cock became almost painfully hard. She spat in my face, with a small blob of saliva landing on the side of my cheek. I wiped it away carefully and stared gruffly in to her eyes, and then slapped her across the face.

She recoiled in horror, turning her head away for a moment before looking back at me. A tear formed in her eye, but she was clearly excited on a sexual level. She was fighting the urge to shoot me a wry, dirty smile. I slapped her again, firmer and faster that time and across the other cheek. I slapped her a few more times, making her cheeks red from the impact of my hands. Saliva spilled out over her face, and I let go of her body for a moment while I undid my tie.

She watched me remove it, trembling on the bed and glancing at the door to plan her escape route. She wasn’t going anywhere, though, and I rolled her on to her back again and forced her wrists together. I wrapped the tie around them, binding her arms securely so I could have some fun. I slowly removed my shirt as I watched her ass shuffling off the edge of the bed, and pressed my foot on to it to keep her from moving any further.

Her ears pricked up when she heard the jangle of my belt buckle as I unfastened it, removing my trousers and boxer shorts to free the enormous, throbbing cock within. With all of my clothes nestled in a small heap on the carpet, I crouched behind her and started to feel her ass through her tight jeans, smelling the crack and running my fingers in between her legs as she moaned lightly.

I couldn’t wait to see her bare ass, so I reached underneath her waist and unzipped the denim flaps, before yanking the jeans down her legs to reveal her sexy little thong. I pulled the jeans away, turning them inside out as they gripped to her legs. She remained huddled over the bed, and I leaned in and felt the warm skin as I pressed my lips up to her ass cheeks.

I gripped the sides of her thong and peeled it down her legs, allowing it to rest around her knees while I moved back up to play with her ass some more. She was still making the occasional move to get away, and each time she bolted I lashed a fresh smack over her now bare ass cheeks. Red hand marks started to form on the soft, delicate skin as I peeled them apart; exposing her tight little anus and her dripping wet labia below.

There was no doubt in my mind that she was gagging for it. I buried my face between her legs and began to lick passionately around her pussy, lapping up her juices as she groaned with pleasure. I continued to spank her, and every time I cracked my hands over her ass, she let out a fresh painful shriek. As I ate her out, I moved my hand up and started to massage her clitoris with my fingers, rubbing her flowing juices all over it as I flicked my tongue over her pulsating vulva.

I moved up and began to lick at her ass hole, prodding my tense tongue around the incredibly soft puckering rim. I lapped up and down her crack, pulling her cheeks as far apart as they would stretch and causing her anus to open up slightly. I spanked her again, even harder and she whimpered pathetically. Then I had a fantastic idea.

I untangled my belt from the waist of my trousers and looped it around. She looked back and gulped, bracing herself for what she knew was to come. I pressed her firmly down on to the bed, pushing her arms even tighter against her back, and then I thrashed her ass with the belt. A thunderous crack sounded out and echoed off the walls as she squealed in agony. I didn’t wait for the pain to subside, and immediately lashed her again and again. Her ass was red raw and started to turn purple as faint blotches of bruising appeared. I moved down and smacked it over the backs of her thighs, each impact sending a fresh set of ripples rolling over her flesh.

“Are you sorry? I don’t believe you!” I kept stating, not letting her answer. She could barely speak through her agonised groans, but her pussy was wetter than ever. I dropped the belt on the floor and positioned myself behind her ass. As the pain subsided, she started to sigh with relief. I pushed the head of my cock up to her pussy lips, rolling it up and down between them before plunging my rigid girth deep inside her.

She gasped and strained her neck out in front of her as she let out a loud, ecstatic moan. I started to thrust it in and out of her pussy, slowly at first as I coated it in her pussy juices, and then faster and harder as I became better lubricated. Her labia stretched around it nicely, contorting sideways as my penis passed through them. As I fucked her I continued to spank her ass, causing her to yelp in between her breathless panting. The sight of her arms bound behind her back had transformed me in to a wanton sex beast, and I didn’t care about anything other than fucking her as hard as I could. Every single other thought and consideration in my life was second to brutalising her and obliterating her pussy right there and then.

I pounded her as hard as I could, still bending her over the side of the bed. Her head rocked back and forth on the duvet helplessly under the force of my powerful thrusts, and she had given up trying to get away. She had become completely obedient and was accepting her punishment gracefully. I quickly tired of fucking her from behind though, and I desperately wanted to play with those glorious tits some more, so I flipped her over on to her back again.

She grimaced as her weight shifted, trapping her arms underneath her body. There wasn’t time to untie her, though. She would just have to get used it. I grabbed her throat and squeezed, choking her for a moment as I kissed her lips, stroking her tongue with mine and smelling her sweet candy breath. My cock was throbbing like crazy, so I pushed it back inside her pussy once again and instantly began to fuck her vigorously as she bounced up and down on the spring mattress.

The springs in the bed were creaking like crazy under the weight of our bodies. I grabbed her legs and placed them flat against my chest with her ankles behind my ears, and watched my cock sliding deep inside her over and over again while her amazing sweet tits bounced around atop her chest. I pressed her legs forward and reached down to slap her breasts again, and she screwed up her face with every strike that landed across her soft skin.

The sound of my skin slapping against hers was almost as loud as the spanking I had given her earlier. We were both sweating and writhing together as I pushed her further onto the bed with each thrust. My cock was buried entirely within her pussy, penetrating her all the way down to my balls as she groaned in uncontrollable pleasure. I doubt she had ever received such a strenuous fucking, but she was loving every second of it.

I spread her legs wide open and leaned down to kiss her neck passionately, smelling the hair under her ears as my moist lips pressed up to her skin. The sound of her panting in to my ear just turned me on even more, and after a minute or so I could hear the unmistakeable noise of an impending orgasm. She wheezed and cried out in ecstasy as her hips began to tremble, and then all of a sudden the extreme pleasure took hold of her and her eyes rolled into the back of her skull.

I continued to pound her even harder, relentlessly fucking her wet pussy as she squirmed with gratification on the bed. It was only when she came down from her breathless climax that I remembered I was supposed to be punishing her.

She went limp on the duvet and tried to catch her breath while I pressed her thighs up to her chest, exposing her insanely tight little ass hole. I didn’t want to have to keep struggling with her, so I took the belt and quickly wrapped around her legs, fastening it just under her knees and binding them up to her chest. She hadn’t even noticed what I was doing as she was still coping with the aftershocks of her intense climax.

I crouched in front of her ass again and pushed her cheeks slightly further open— they were already well parted by the position of her legs. Her vaginal muscles were still contracting and causing her labia to pucker up as I leaned in. I stretched out my tongue and licked over her anus once again, tasting the pussy juices as they flowed from her vulva and down through her ass crack.

Her cheeks were still red raw and burning with pain, but I continued to lightly spank them as I licked around her ass hole, prodding my tongue against her rim for a little while. I ran my finger around her pussy lips, lubricating it in her juices before pushing it through her sphincter. She tensed up as she finally realised what I was doing, and started to grimace and moan anxiously. I slid my finger inside her ass hole and pulled it out repeatedly, watching as her hole enclosed around it.

I stood up between her legs and rubbed the head of my cock around her quivering, wet vulva for a moment, coating it in a mixture of spit and her juices as I had done with my finger. I pushed my dick up to her ass hole and started to nudge it gently through the small opening. Her rim stretched around my cock as I pushed it through, expanding the soft ripples of her anus to a smooth, gaping hole.

The juices and saliva squelched out around the sides of my cock under the intense pressure of her tight anus as I started to thrust it in to her rectum, tunnelling my way deeper and deeper inside. With each insertion I was able to gain an extra quarter of an inch and after a minute or so of gruelling ass fucking I was burying my cock balls-deep in her colon. “Ah fuck, yes Toji— shit shit, ahh! fuck me like I'm a slut!” She started to scream loudly with each thrust that I slammed in to her ass, so I slapped her face again, sending a trail of saliva across the bed. She continued to groan noisily despite my defiant slapping, giving me no option but to silence her.

I reached down to the floor and picked up her thong, rolling it in to a tight ball as I jammed it between her jaws. She tried to clamp them together, but I squeezed firmly at her cheeks to pry them open and wedged the screwed up knickers between her teeth, holding my hand over her mouth and pressing her head back down to the bed as I continued to destroy her ass hole. I heard her trying to squeal in pain as my cock slid in and out of her anus, but the sound was nicely muffled by my makeshift gag.

I knew the ultra-tight young ass hole was going to make me cum soon, so I fucked her even harder and a few moments later I felt a great swell inside my balls. I moaned and stretched my neck, and she could see the veins protruding from the skin on my neck as I started to pump my hot, milky semen deep in to her ass hole. The orgasm seemed to last for hours and the cum shot out of my cock endlessly, oozing out between the sides of my shaft and the walls of her rectum.

I removed my penis from her ass and watched the thick, white fluid seeping out of her asshole. It was too hot of a moment not to get at least a souvenir, so I picked up my phone and took a few pictures of her hot, naked body and her obliterated pussy and ass hole.

“So, have you learned your lesson?” I asked, leaning over her exhausted body as I unstrapped the belt and freed her arms from behind her back. Her skin was marked with red lines from the various spankings and the force of being tied up so tightly. She laughed and said “I’ll have to steal from you again as I enjoyed the punishment,” she smiled sweetly.

“Good. So, same time tomorrow?” I said, helping her to stand up from the bed. Her legs were like jelly and barely supported her weight as she rose to her feet.

“Yes sir.” she said in a subdued but slightly naughty fashion. She tried to hide her smile as she reached for her clothes, but I caught it regardless. I was worried that I had lost a great babysitter, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. Not only did I retain her as a babysitter, I gained her as a slave and that first encounter was just the tip of the iceberg.

[pickingupmymercedes]

She's here and she's not only ours - Lewis Hamilton

Series: She's here and she's ours / She's here and she's not only ours / She's here and she's just like you / She's not here, but she'll be / She's here and she won't be the only one / She's here and he won't let her give up / She's here and so is he / She's here and so are we - (they can all be read as one-shots)

pairing: Dad!Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

wordcount: +1k

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

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Navigating the journey from being a couple to becoming a family is often likened to entering a whole new world—one filled with unpredictable challenges and profound joys. The radiant 7-month-old girl had effortlessly woven herself into the fabric of your lives, captivating not only you and Lewis but everyone who crossed her path. Yet, adjusting to new routines, shifting priorities, managing emotional and physical changes, and, most crucially, cultivating a deep bond with your child were aspects of parenthood that no book, class, or well-meaning advice had adequately prepared you for.

And so, the real test of parenthood often lay in learning to prioritize.

“Oh my God, she’s growing up so quickly!” Susie exclaimed, her eyes lighting up as she entered the living area of your apartment, making a beeline for the giggling toddler seated in her bumbo seat on the kitchen island.

“Please, don’t remind me. Time is flying by too fast already,” you replied, your smile widening as you watched your baby recognize Susie and reach out to be scooped up.

“I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced… I just... I had to know why,” Susie said, her expression curious and concerned.

You had expected people to comment and be surprised, but you hadn’t anticipated the attention coming so soon, even before you and Lewis had a chance to share your news.

“So, I take it everyone at Mercedes already knows?”

“More like everyone on the paddock, probably,” Susie confirmed.

“Do you remember her first few days? When she struggled to gain weight and every day felt like a battle?”

The first inkling that something was amiss came mere hours after you had returned home with your newborn daughter. Her incessant cries and insatiable hunger, even after an hour of breastfeeding, had raised red flags.

You had been warned that the initial days would be challenging—that you were now solely responsible for nourishing a tiny human. So, you soldiered on, suppressing your growing panic and tears, dreading the 40-minute feeding intervals where you’d bite your tongue and cheeks to keep from crying.

You tried every trick in the book—increasing your water intake, warm and cold compresses, dietary changes, pumping between feeds, consulting lactation specialists, and even consuming magic lactation cookies. Yet, your milk supply remained stubbornly low.

The sense of failure weighed heavily on you; your primary role was to nurture your baby, something you had done successfully during pregnancy. Instead of relishing the joys of new motherhood, you felt like a failure, a lesser mother to your daughter and a villain to your husband's fairytale of having kids.

Lewis was acutely aware of your distress and tried to be supportive. Despite knowing, as doctors and specialists had advised, that you needed to supplement with formula for both your daughter’s and your own well-being, he refrained from pressuring you. Every night he would feel as though you were punching him in the face when you went out of his sight to cry, or how his chest would tighten when he carried your screaming daughter in his arms, knowing she needed more, from him and from you. Still, he didn’t have in him to lecture you, yet again, on how that little girl needed more, not when you were giving your life and sanity away for her.

It wasn’t until the day before her second week checkup that you broke down. You knew the scale wasn’t going to give her much more grams than she had the past week, way less than she deserved and the added burden that he would be going for his first race of the season in a couple days had you reaching your breaking point.

Seeing Lewis on the sofa, looking worried and worn-out, you collapsed in front of him, letting your tears flow freely. He held you, comforting you with gentle whispers, and you both agreed that transitioning to formula was for the best. Despite the months of hearing about the benefits of breastfeeding, you had come to understand that sometimes the most challenging part of parenthood was knowing when to stand your ground and make the best choice for your family.

“We don’t want his job to feel like a burden every weekend,” you said.

“So, the Hamiltons will be a staple in the paddocks?” Susie asked, her approving smile revealing her pride.

“Life doesn’t always go as planned, does it?” You shrugged

“The media is going to love that smile,” Susie cooed, her attention directed at the toothy grin of your daughter.

“Yeah… She won’t be only ours, but Lewis needs her as much as she needs him. I guess it’s a small price to pay,” you replied, smiling at your yawning daughter in Susie’s lap, her little hands rubbing her eyes—a clear sign that her naptime was due.

“Please, let me. She still loves Disney songs, right?” Susie absentmindedly asked, already heading towards your daughter’s room, laying the toddler on her cheast and ready to lull her to sleep with a familiar melody. As you watched, you couldn’t help but marvel at how your daughter had already captured so many hearts at such a young age.

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TAGLIST - @saturnssunflower @xoscar03 @chocolatediplomatdreamerzonk

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[canyonmooncreations]

Call Me

Summary: Y/n calls her best friend, Simon, when her boyfriend finally pushes things too far.

Characters: BestFriend!Simon x reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Author’s Note: Purely self indulgent, fuck ex boyfriends 

Warnings: mean/potentially abusive boyfriend, tears, mentions of violence

You and your boyfriend, Ben, had been on and off for over a year. It was always up and down, happy and sad. He was a little controlling but was always sweet after. He was angry but also super patient. So hard to predict, it was draining. The only person you can really talk to is your best friend Simon. He was always supportive and always listening no matter what time you called. He supported you rather he agreed with your decision to go back to your boyfriend or not. And you were always in touch with Simon even if your boyfriend was not a fan of “that freak”.

You had recently just graduated from the college where you met Ben and moved to a town that was in the middle of him, Simon, and your family. You had finally gotten your own space and had started the big girl job of your dreams. You couldn’t be happier…. Until it started. 

Your boyfriend was an hour and a half away and with this new space it felt like he had grown a whole new confidence. He was always starting fights and nothing you did was good enough for him. You tried to be happy, but it just seemed like you couldn’t win. Simon knew about what was happening, you called him often to talk about it all. Simon was so supportive and validating your feelings when you needed him most. You used to have the biggest crush on Simon, but you knew you never had a chance with a guy like him. You settled on being friends and then you met Ben. But Simon was the only person you wanted right now.

What you didn’t know was that every time you called him his heart skipped a beat. Simon knew you were just friends and he would never have a chance with a girl like you so he settled for being your best friend. Every time you mentioned Ben, his blood boiled and his fist clenched. He wanted nothing but for you to be happy. Ben was so bad for you. Simon knew Ben read through all of your text messages, so he encouraged you to call him just to be safe. Ben was not typically violent, but Simon knew the patterns and knew it was coming. Of course he couldn’t tell you this because he knew you wouldn’t listen until you were ready for it on your own time. 

What Simon also knew was that your freshman year of college was nothing but depression and alcohol. He was hopeful but knew something bad with Ben could send you down the spiral. He was always waiting for that call to come. The call where you would need him the most. That call finally came. 

Simon was working around his flat, doing some, his least favorite, when his phone rang. It was y/n. The picture he had chosen for you was a picture he had taken at an arcade with you smiling silly holding up the bear you had won (with his tickets). 

“Hey lovey”

“Simon, I- I-”

“What’s wrong?”

“Simon, we got in a big fight and he said he was coming over and I am really scared that he --”

“I am on my way.”

“Simon, no. I live like an hour away from you.”

“I will be there in 45 minutes.”

“Simon! It is an hour drive.”

“Fine. I’ll be there in 30.” 

He hung up at that as you giggled and sniffled. You knew you shouldn’t call him. He probably gets so annoyed hearing all of your problems. But, he was your support system. You decided you would wait for him, right where you were, the bathroom floor. Simon has an apartment key, he can let himself in.

Your head kept racing with thoughts. Was Ben worth it? Was it worth the heartache? What would you tell your friend if they were in your shoes? Did you deserve this? You didn’t think you were the best girlfriend. 

Before you knew it you were sobbing and curling into a towel on your bathroom floor. Too busy crying, you didn’t hear the door open. It was a pitiful sight really and Simon was saddened by what he saw. The world’s most beautiful girl sobbing on her bathroom floor over a boy who didn’t deserve her at all. 

‘“Oh, love.” Simon lowered himself to the floor right beside you. He pulled your head into his lap and ran his fingers through your hair. This was the most soft, innocent touch you had felt in a while. You only cried harder at the thought of someone loving you like they should. You both stayed on the floor until the sobbing subsided after some time had passed. 

“Y/n, can we move this to your bed? This floor can’t be comfy.”

“It is comfier than walking to my bed.” You sniffled as you spoke and this broke his heart. 

“Okay, then….” you felt him set your head back on the towel and his body raise off the floor. You looked at him with confusion as he bent down to pick you up. You giggled as he carried you to your bed. You loved being carried but Ben refused to because it was “childish”. You smacked Simon’s arm as he put you in bed.

“Si, why did you do that?”

“A pretty girl like you should not be crying on the bathroom floor. You will cry in a comfy pillow castle.” He situated your pillows just the way he knew you loved them.

You only smiled at him. You got cozy in bed as Simon walked into the kitchen. The thoughts started racing and the tears started to fall. What if Ben was really coming to “settle this in person and show you who is in charge”. It felt like such a threat, your worst fear coming true. Simon walked back into the bedroom with a juice box and some animal crackers, your favorite.

“What’s the matter?” Simon approached the bed slowly, not sure where your mental state was and how frightened you could be.

“What if he shows up tonight? What if he tries to come inside?”

“Does he have a key?”

“No.”

“Good. Either way, I will be sleeping on the couch and can beat his ass, easily and with pleasure. So nothing to worry about. You’ll be all safe here, princess.”

You only smiled at him as you took the snacks softly. Simon always calls you nicknames, but never this one. You ate your snacks in silence as Simon started to put away your laundry. He knew you hated doing laundry, it was your least favorite chore. It is actually his least favorite too, but he told you it was his favorite and for you, it was. Ben always called you lazy and gross for not putting your laundry away right as it came out of the dryer.

“I can do that.”

“I know.” Simon gave you a reassuring smile. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. It’s stupid. I am probably overreacting.”

“Your feelings are valid y/n, no matter what you are feeling. I will listen if you want me to. If not, we can talk about anything else.”

“Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Of course”  You could see that Simon was so excited and you knew he would even let you pick the movie. (Ben would never)

“We can watch… hmmm… I can’t pick.”

“Slasher…”

“Simon! No! You know I hate scary movies. Let’s watch Zootopia.”

“Anything for you.”

You got the movie set up as Simon grabbed some more snacks. You loved these simple moments with Simon. You knew he wouldn’t get angry with you for moving the wrong way, or eating too many snacks. He was simply there in peace. You felt yourself getting tired as the movie played and the tears were about to come back. 

“Simon?”

“Yes, love.”

“Will you… hold me? No, that’s silly. I’m sorry. Forget I even asked.” You buried your face in your hands and the tears just started flowing. 

“Y/n.” He guided your head out of your hands as he wiped your tears. “I would love to hold you. You are not alone in this and I promise you are safe.”

Simon moved so you could comfortably be little spoon, which he knows you love because you always talk about it. He helped move your pillows and got you comfy. He never thought this moment would come. Of course, you had hugged and sat close together, but not like this. You were so vulnerable with all the raw emotions, and you chose him to hold you. With you in his arms, he wanted nothing more than to protect you from the world, and especially from Ben. 

“Thank you, Si.”

“Get some rest and we can talk about everything in the morning. I promise you’ll be safe tonight.” 

He rubbed your side and you cuddled in closer to him. You felt so safe. He felt at home, a feeling he has never felt before. He glanced at you as slept in his arms and couldn’t help but smile and be sad at the same time. You didn’t deserve this pain. You deserved a life of nothing but love and joy. A life he intended to give to you, if you let him. 

[writeonwhiskey]

the skz house: ch 15 (18+)

a/n: thank you @bahablastplz for editing! i apologize for the delay. my work schedule goes back to normal next month so i'll have my head back on straight then. thank you for your patience! i hope you enjoy the chapter :)

Summary: Welcome to Sigma Kappa Zeta, the most popular fraternity on campus. When you, down on your luck and looking for a place to live, see their ad for ‘IN-HOUSE STAY’. You're one of the four girls chosen and find that your duties for the rest of the school year will be cooking, cleaning, and pleasing your assigned house members: Hyunjin & Chan.

[ read chapter fourteen here ]

Chapter Fifteen: Of Showers and Cabins

Tuesday, November 14th

You’re in the living room with Han, Felix, Hyunjin, Jeongin, Changbin and Charlotte. Han gathered you all to practice an upcoming presentation for his public speaking class. As you watch him discuss his chosen topic of Greek Mythology (accompanied by a PowerPoint on the TV behind him), you wonder when his nerves are going to set in, when he’s going to slip up or stumble over his words—he never does. None of the members interject, taunt or tease him.

Han is confident in front of them. Perhaps because of them. He has no problem being the center of attention in the house, around his friends. On his own in front of strangers must be another thing entirely, apparently.  

After he’s finished, the boys offer suggestions on things he could make clearer or that are not necessary to mention. You’ve seen how they operate together—typically silly beyond belief but at the end of the day, they’re always there for each other. Still, it surprises you how gentle they are with him, knowing he’s facing something that makes him uncomfortable.

Han thanks everyone for their time before sitting on the sectional between Changbin and Felix, and with his very next breath says how much he does not want to do this.

“If you bomb it, just remember you’ll probably never see those people again after you graduate,” Changbin tries to console him.

“Maybe not,” Han replies. “But they will have an embarrassing memory of me etched into their brain forever, if I do.”

“We could come sit in the back of the class,” Hyunjin offers. “For moral support.”

Hyunjin is laying down on the couch, legs resting on Changbin’s thighs and his head on your lap as you play with his hair. Jeongin and Charlotte are on the other side of you, cuddled together and in their own little world now.

“Please don’t do that.” Han shakes his head.

“Just relax…don’t overthink it,” Felix tells him, shrugging.

“Easy for you to say,” Han rolls his eyes. “If I, too, had a voice made for smutty audiobooks, I’d probably be giving speeches every day for fun.”

Changbin laughs, “He has a point, ‘Lix. Give us a ‘that’s my good girl’.”

Felix smiles devilishly, eyebrows raised as he leans across Han and motions with his finger for Changbin to come closer. In the deepest, most sultry tone you’ve ever heard from him he says, “That’s my fucking good girl.”

Changbin wiggles his body, as if shivers are running through him and Felix lets out a boisterous laugh.

“Just get through it,” Felix leans back and returns his attention to Han, “and next week we’ll have a nice break at the cabin.”

“Cabin?” You ask.

“Oh, shit,” Hyunjin says, looking up at you and offers a weak smile. “I forgot to tell you.”

You smack him on the head, and he flinches.

“They just decided on it a few days ago,” he attempts to defend himself.

“For Thanksgiving weekend,” Felix informs you. “It’s maybe about an hour and a half away from here. But if you’re going home to visit family that’s fine, of course.”

You hadn’t gone home for Thanksgiving since freshman year. It’s too short of a time span, with most of it spent in the airport. And God forbid there are delays.

“No, I hadn’t planned to,” you tell him.

“Good. ‘Cause I make an amazing peach cobbler,” he does the chef’s kiss motion. “You wouldn’t wanna miss it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

You look down at Hyunjin, shaking your head in mock disappointment.

“I’m sorry?” He attempts puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, you will be. Sorry and broke.” You retort.

Thursday, November 16th

You’ve returned home from your morning class and it’s no surprise Hyunjin is still sleeping. You’re in the girls’ room doing homework and waiting for him to wake up. Rhiannon is in the den with you, click-clacking away on her keyboard. The others are either in class or out of the house.

It’s nearly 1:00pm when you receive a text from Hyunjin.

Are you not back yet?

It makes you smile—picturing him waking up in bed alone, knowing you should be back from school by now and expecting you to be there, snuggling up with him.  

I’m in the den, doing homework.

You sleep too much.

No such thing. I’m gonna hop in the shower…lunch when I’m out?

Of course. I got you.

And yes, you do. You have him. You will whip him up a lunch of his choosing, after business is handled. Now that half the members are out of the competition, you don’t think he’ll object as heavily to losing. You’ve been waiting for this day—you know his Thursday routine. He sleeps in, showers, eats, then goes to class. Now is the perfect time to take action.

“Rhi,” you call out to her, spinning around in your chairs.

“Hmm?” Is her reply, but she doesn’t take her gaze away from her computer screen.

“I’m going up now.”

She finally turns around to look at you, “You got this.” She gives you a thumbs up and a wink.

You exit the den and head upstairs. You’re not sure if this is allowed, but there was never anything said about areas of the house specifically being off limits to the girls. You’d never seen or caught any of the members in the girl’s bathroom with their assignees, though.

When you make it to the second floor, you hear music playing at the end of the hall. You tiptoe towards the bathroom and can hear the shower water running, too. You take a deep breath as you turn the doorknob, hoping that your calculations of who’s home and who’s away is correct. Since the boys also share a bathroom, you have to pray that Hyunjin is alone.

You tentatively step inside, peeking your head in first to make sure no one else is there. The coast is clear and Hyunjin is already in the shower, thankfully. Their bathroom is set up exactly like the girls—multiple sinks, showers, and separate rooms for the toilets. The glass surrounding the shower is fogged up, keeping your entrance a secret. You quietly close and lock the door behind you.

Hyunjin is obliviously singing along to the Mac Miller song blaring from the speaker. You quickly slip out of your clothes and set them in a pile on the sink before making your way to the shower door.

You grip the handle and gently pull the door open. Hyunjin is standing directly under the showerhead with his back towards you. His head is tilted back, eyes shut as the water pours over him. You have a fraction of a second to enjoy the sight because as soon as the cold air hits him he whips around, screams and holds his hands up in defense.

You immediately burst into laughter.

“Y/N,” he says, exhaling lightly when realization sets in that it’s you.

You enter the shower and close the door behind you, sealing the steam and warmth back in. He’s leaning against the wall, hand now over his chest and just completely…exposed. You don’t let the opportunity to run your eyes over his body pass.   

“Didn’t mean to startle you,” you say with a small shrug and smile.

He clicks his tongue, “Liar.”

He pushes away from the wall, standing under the water again. You step around him, positioning yourself between him and the shower wall.

“This is it, huh?” He asks, seeing the look in your eyes.

You nod in response and start to lower yourself to your knees.

“Uh-uh,” he shakes his head and grabs your waist to stop you.

He pulls you up so you’re standing and covers your mouth with his. His tongue glides over your lips and your eyes flutter shut as you relax and let him take the lead. You don’t have to worry about what comes next with him. You know he’s about to make you feel like you never existed until you met him.

“You first,” he says, breaking the kiss. 

He backs you up against the wall and gets down on his knees. You step your legs further apart to allow him better access. He slides one hand up your stomach to cup your breast, pinching your nipple and watching with a smile as you push your hips forward in an attempt to get his mouth right where you want it.

He doesn’t make you wait. He latches on to your pussy with his mouth and your hands immediately go to his head, tangling your fingers in his hair and pulling at the roots. You lean your head back against the wall and let out a sigh, feeling his tongue slide back and forth, up and down between your folds.

You hadn’t exactly been fucking your ex every single day, however since moving into the SKZ house you’d grown accustomed to some kind of regular sexual activity. You hadn’t gone more than seven days without it since being here. It’s been sixteen, and it felt like an eternity.

You turn your gaze down to Hyunjin. He’s focused on the task at hand as the water cascades down his back. With your hands still in his hair, you press him against you harder, rocking your hips against his face. He chuckles at this. His other hand slips between your legs to find your opening and pushes two fingers inside of you.

“You missed me, jagiya?” He murmurs, looking up at you with those smiling brown eyes.

“Yes,” you reply without hesitation.

“Good,” he places a kiss on your clit then returns his focus to fucking you with his fingers and playing with your breasts, your nipples.

One, maybe two, songs play out on the speaker as he continues to pleasure you. Alternating from using his fingers to his mouth, never seeming to grow tired of the work he’s putting in. You want to let him finish; you want to come standing over him like this. But you need him to fuck you.

Sure, he’s technically out of the game now due to his actions. You’ve got to see this through, though, to make sure he’s out-out. 

You release the hairs on his head and grab his wrist to stop him. You motion for him to stand, and he does, popping his fingers in his mouth to lick your juices off. He kisses you again, letting you taste yourself on his lips.

You push him away and turn around, pressing your chest against the wall and turning your head to the side. You arch your back, pushing your ass against him. He reaches up to move the shower head out of the way a bit as his other hand rubs his dick up and down your slit. He revels in the feeling for a moment, teasing you.

When his dick reaches your opening, he thrusts his hips forward and you moan at the feel of him inside of you, arching your back even more.

“Fuck,” he says, shaking his head as he holds your hips still. “I’m not sure how long—”

“It’s okay,” you reassure him. “You can make it up to me.”

That’s all he needs to hear.

He starts fucking you—pulling out, thrusting in. Gripping your hips, your breasts, hands wandering all over your body. It’s like he can’t decide what he wants to do, but it’s been so long he wants to do it all.

One hand makes its way down around your waist to stimulate your clit, rubbing circles as he continues thrusting. He leans forward and showers your back in the sweetest, softest kisses. Combined with everything else and how long it’s been, it’s enough. Your palms are flat against the shower wall, helping you push your hips back against him. You feel your legs start to shake and Hyunjin gets the hint. He doesn’t change anything he’s doing, knowing what you’re feeling right now is what will make you come.

“Fuck, fuck,” he exhales heavily as your pussy clenches around his dick. He can’t hold back any longer. He thrusts into you with reckless abandon, gripping your hips as he releases himself into you.

When he’s done, he wraps his arm under your breasts and pulls you back against him. He moves the showerhead back in place, so the warm water falls over both of you.

“Fine. I guess I’ll do the dishes for you,” he jokes, leaning down to rest his cheek against yours.

“At least you don’t have to hold back anymore,” you reply.

“That’s true. I want you in the room ready for me when I’m back from class.”

You turn your head to look at him—he’s smiling.

He had never demanded such a thing before. Not that it’s much of a demand…more of a request. Close enough for Hyunjin.  

Thanksgiving Weekend

Thursday, November 23rd

The house is just as chaotic as you imagined it would be this morning. Twelve people up before the crack of dawn loading cars with food and luggage while still half asleep. Chan instructs you and the other girls to leave first in the car with all the food to get started on the meal. He plugs in the address on the GPS and then you’re off.

The roads are relatively empty, so the drive takes just about an hour and a half. The last fifteen minutes are spent off the main road, driving slowly up a rocky path surrounded by trees.

“Now that’s a cabin,” Rhiannon says as you park the car.

It looks like a log cabin in that the exterior and pillars are all made of wood, except the top portion of the home is triangular with wooden awnings on the sides that cover the wraparound porch on the second level. There are several large windows with no coverings—probably a good thing the location is remote, so no one has to worry about neighbors looking in. In the front yard is a patio table and fire pit surrounded by chairs.

You all exit the car and start lugging the food to the front door. You enter the code on the keypad Chan had texted you and it unlocks.

The interior holds up the log cabin feel with a wide, open floor plan, but all the furniture and appliances make it feel modern. You all momentarily abandon the food at the door to explore the inside. There are four bedrooms, one downstairs and three on the second level, the third level has a loft with a computer desk and ping pong table.

You wonder if this is a rental property or if the SKZ fraternity owns it. You wouldn’t be shocked by the latter, but it’s none of your business.

After touring the cabin, the four of you get back to business and haul the food inside to start prepping the meal. The menu is a mix of traditional American and Korean food for the holiday.

When the boys arrive an hour later, they’ve stopped for a few essentials—mainly alcohol. They unload all the luggage then crowd in the kitchen and start debating over who will sleep where.

“Room Roulette?” Han suggests.

“Assignees and their members?” Jeongin says, winking at Charlotte.

“You’re already out—of course you want that,” Lee Know rebuffs while vigorously working on stuffing the turkey.

“Don’t think you can resist?” Allie asks, to which he rolls his eyes.

She still hasn’t been able to get him to break, but she’s been persistent.

“Ladies choice?” Hyunjin offers as he comes up behind you, standing at the stove, and wraps his hands around your waist.

You nudge him away playfully with your shoulder, but he stays put a moment longer, kissing the back of your neck.

“Does it really matter?” Changbin speaks up. “Everyone will just fall asleep wherever anyways.”

They continue back and forth until they’ve all had enough and just stare at Chan to make a decision.

He points to Jeongin, Han and Hyunjin, “Kai bai bo.”

The three of them stand on separate sides of the island and begin playing rock, paper, scissors. Han is out first. Before Hyunjin and Jeongin start, Jeongin has Charlotte kiss his hands for luck. It must work, because Hyunjin loses.  

Jeongin grins, heart melting dimples on display, and gives a satisfied nod.

“That’s settled then—assignees and their members,” Chan announces.

You’re still focused on the food you’re cooking, but you want so badly to turn and look at Chan to see his expression. Sharing a room with him and Hyunjin? Is he happy with the result?

The rest of the afternoon is spent with everyone helping make something. When it’s finally time for dinner, you sit between Hyunjin and Chan. You’re thankful to be here with all of them. You think back to what Chan said on your first day at the house—that you’d gain a sense of community, and you really have.

The room assignment winds up being a nonfactor. Everyone is so full and damn near comatose that, true to Changbin’s words, they fall asleep wherever they land. You wake up on the couch in the living room and make your way back to the room, but neither Hyunjin nor Chan are there. 

The next day, everyone kind of does their own thing. You go hiking with Hyunjin and a few others while everyone else stays at the house. That night, after dinner, everyone is gathered in the living room drinking and playing games. Or at least you thought everyone was. Looking around the room, you don’t see Chan.

He was here earlier, you’re certain. Where had he gone off to?

It’s closing in on the end of the month and Chan and Lee Know are the only ones that have not yet lost the competition. The others are preoccupied with their game, so you decide to go find him. Time is running out for the month, you’re extremely aware of that. And you have a little bit of liquid courage on your side now.

You take another shot of the strawberry flavored soju before getting up from the couch. He’s not in the kitchen, dining room, or the porch. You make your way up to the room you’ve been assigned on the second floor.

There he is.

He’s laying on the bed on his stomach, scrolling through his phone when you walk in. At the sound, he promptly turns around and sits up.

“Are you bored of us?”

“Nah,” he says lightly. “Just don’t wanna get too drunk again.”

Meaning he doesn’t want to lose control of himself or say anything he might regret again, you assume.

“Would you mind some company?”

You sit next to him on the bed, draping one leg over his and looking up at him with a lazy, tipsy smile.

“PG company?” He chuckles lightly, placing his hand on your leg.

“PG-13, maybe?” You counter, sliding his hand up towards your thigh.

The feel of his fingertips gliding across your skin sends an achy feeling to your core. You want to him to press his fingers against your clit to release the ache.

He smiles back at you and hooks a finger under your chin to pull your face closer to his. Since that day in the closet, he had at least been more open to semi-steamy make out sessions but always pulled away before you could go too far.

You close the distance between you, locking your lips with his as you swing your other leg across him to straddle him. He allows it. You wrap your arms around his neck as you deepen the kiss, sliding your tongue past his lips. You can taste the alcohol on him, too, but it’s faint. Maybe you should have brought some in here. It still counts even if he’s drunk, right?

In any other context, that sounds terrible.  

You start to rock your hips against him, moaning when you feel his cock hardening through his sweatpants. His hands suddenly grip your hips to hold you in place.

“Chan, please,” you whisper. You kiss along his cheek, down to his neck, lightly nipping with your teeth. “I miss you fucking me.”

“No,” he says, but it sounds half-assed, not even half of the conviction you know he can muster. He shakes his head but his cock pressing against your thighs say otherwise. You grind against it again.

“It’s just a stupid competition,” you attempt your best pouty face. You’ve never known these antics to work with him, but you’re pulling at straws now.

“It’s more than that for me,” he replies softly.

“You have to win?”

“I have to resist.”

You furrow your brow.

“Please?” You slip your hand between your legs and squeeze his cock.

He sucks in a breath and in one swift motion, moves you off him and stands up. Before you can even get another word out, he’s walking towards the door, shutting it not so quietly behind him.

You sigh, running your hand through your hair. Perhaps you shouldn’t have pushed so much, so fast. You have six days left to get to him and right now, it feels like an impossible task. You knew he could hold back, but his words made it seem like it’s more than that. Resisting? Resisting what? You?

You sit for a while, wondering if he’ll come back and why this seems like such a big deal to him. After a few minutes you stand in defeat and walk to the door. As you reach for the knob, the door swings open again, startling you.

Chan is there, ushering a confused Hyunjin into the room.

“Are you okay?” Hyunjin asks you, sounding concerned.

“Yeah? I’m fine.”

Hyunjin turns back to look at Chan with a confused look on his face.

Chan shrugs, his eyes move from you back to Hyunjin, “Y/N needs you.”

There’s something about his tone of voice that you can’t quite pin down. He sounds…dejected almost.

You try to make sense of Chan’s thought process. You plead with him to fuck you and he won’t…so he gets the next best thing in his mind? He knows you’re turned on, that you need him, but he can’t—won’t—give in. So he brings the only other person that can satisfy you right now. Why does it feel like a slap in the face, though? With his tone and the look on his face it’s as if he’s saying, you wanna be fucked so bad? Here’s Hyunjin.

Hyunjin turns back to you and smiles lazily. He reaches for your waist, pulls you to him and kisses you. You’re still surprised by what is playing out, eyes open, looking at Chan with Hyunjin’s lips on yours. Chan breaks eye contact and turns his head as he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

You shut your eyes and try your best to shake the thoughts of Chan and focus on Hyunjin. It doesn’t take much trying on your part, truthfully. You could lose yourself in trying to solve the puzzle that is Chan. The only solace from the madness he conjures up inside of you is the man still standing in front of you. The one who hasn’t left.

“How can I be of service?” Hyunjin asks, nuzzling at your neck.

You can’t help but smile at his words, his actions. He’s always ready to please you and it’s never been complicated.

Sunday, November 26th

Chan did not come back to the room that night. He didn’t sleep in the room with you and Hyunjin the entire weekend, as a matter of fact. His behavior with you throughout the day was the same as usual, though. It didn’t appear that he was upset. He even joked around with you and offered a seat on his lap when all the other chairs on the patio were taken. He’s really acting like he has something to prove by abstaining this month, and you really wish you knew what it was.

Maybe you’re thinking too deeply about it…but how can you not? You also don’t want to ruin the growth you’ve made with him, so you don’t bring it up. You do, however, have a plan to hopefully end this silly competition once and for all. To see if you can push him over the edge.

After you arrive home in the afternoon, Chan leaves with some of the other members to run an errand and you know that this is your moment. Hyunjin is somewhat surprised when you tell him you’ll be staying with Chan for the night. He doesn’t question it, just kisses your forehead and says he’ll see you tomorrow.

You shower and take the items you’ll need to Chan’s room and set up as quickly as possible. You’re not sure what time he will be back, so you have no choice but to sit and wait once you’re in place.

You can feel your heart pumping in your ears. A million thoughts are racing through your mind, trying to understand how you got here. Hoping Chan has the reaction you want. You want to win the competition, sure, who wouldn’t in this situation? But you’re also eager to please Chan in a way you’ve never tried before. To give him complete control of you.  

You’re excited. You’re nervous. You’re so out of your element.

You shift around in his bed, really wanting to check the time on your phone but unable to. Your hands are linked together with the furry black handcuffs you got from the mall, looped through a space in his headboard. You have waited all month for this. To catch him off guard, with a sight that is hopefully so shocking he will not be able to resist.

Though you tried to seduce him at other times throughout the month, you still had this wildcard up your sleeve in case none of your attempts worked. Which they hadn’t. So here you are, lying in his bed in skimpy black lingerie. It’s a one piece, lace body suit that’s cut out around the breasts so they’re on full display. The area between your legs is exposed, so you keep your legs bent, knees pressed together. The ensemble is accompanied by black, knee-high stockings and a garter belt.

You could hardly believe the sight looking at your own reflection. You just have to hope it’s enough. And fucking pray no one randomly decides to come in Chan’s room since you had no choice but to leave the door unlocked. You’d be fucking mortified.

Another few more minutes pass and you hear car doors closing in the driveway. Your heartbeat picks up again, fraught with anticipation.

It feels like a lifetime passes before you hear footsteps outside the door. Chan’s laughing at something someone said as he approaches. At least he’s in a good mood, maybe this will work. You sit up as straight as you can with your hands hanging above you.

You hold your breath as the doorknob turns while simultaneously trying to figure out what to do with your face. A cute look? A look of innocence? Seduction? You bite your bottom lip between your teeth, attempting to hide your inner panic and that’s the look you’re stuck with as he enters.

His eyes land on you—exposed and cuffed to his bed—his laugh abruptly stops. His smile falters.

He exhales a loud sigh, drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. You’re chewing on the inside of your lip now as your nerves take over. This was not the reaction you had anticipated. Is he angry?  Frustrated? Put off?

Maybe you shouldn’t have welcomed yourself into his bed. It’s not like you had an open invitation after the night he allowed you to sleep here with him. That hadn’t happened again since, and he hadn’t even mentioned it.

“Chan,” a timid voice says. It’s yours, but you hardly recognize it.

He straightens his head and looks at you again, eyes moving from your head, down to your stocking covered toes. He lets out another loud sigh and runs his hand through his hair. He shakes his head, blinking incredulously as he steps back and retreats from the room.

When the door closes, your heart sinks.

[ read chapter sixteen here ]

[ picture book for photos of the cabin and lingerie ]

a/n: please don't kill me. this one had to end on a cliffhanger. like, comment, reblog to show your support <3 what do we think, is chan coming back? or is he gonna win this thing?

taglist: @iflmho / @stayatinykatsy / @blackhairandbangs / @ayoitschannie / @idunnomanmynamewastaken / @charmer-c / @ihatemen55 / @channiesprincess / @channniesslefttt / @jiwoos-babygirl / @krayzieestay / @kayleefriedchicken / @sunnyhonie / @cotton-candycloudz / @lubsungie / @conwunder / @puckmaidens / @ashleighland / @hyunjiinnnn / @bmnyy / @ihrtlix / @maqqiekwon / @hynxnelly / @teti-menchon0604 / @you-make-skz-stay / @zandra-42 / @seungminindabuilding / @slytherinatheart / @loveuwoo / @hyunjinhoexxx / @chartrucewhore / @torothecatt / @fun-fanfics / @yaorzu-blog / @yjeonginlvr / @huneyeon / @kpop-kink / @tenshimara / @a-person-with-void / @ilovetheworldilivein / @dhillomilo / @skzfelixlove / @luvvvash / @blondechannie / @sailor--sun / @stephanieeeyang / @msauthor / @grlcbrd / @okkkcausewhet / @bangtancultsposts / @wannareadstories / @jenniferlr / @shroomcapp / @lyracarvahall / @palindrome969 / @grandma143

[notmuchtofind]

unexpected pt1 | d.s

word count: 2k

fluff & angst

tw: mentions of car accidents, injury, fatalities and abortion

synopsis: you and drew can’t wait to start your little family in your brand new home. However, things take a turn for the worst…

"Good morning babe!”

The raspy voice seeps through the small speakers in your phone as you lift your finger from the slightly smudged screen. You rub the palm of your hand over your eye before turning over in your bed, bringing your phone with you and engulfing yourself in the duvet that appears 10x larger when you're alone.

"Morning" you whispered slightly in a somnolent voice "what time is your flight again?" you question, whilst glaring at the blue eyes of the boy you're so madly in love with through the phone screen.

"My flights at 2pm for me but..9am for you?" Drew says, slightly second guessing himself.

Drew has been away filming for a few weeks at a time whilst you've been staying home. The new house you and Drew have just bought was in need of some new interior and seen as though you both consider yourselves to be quite the creative pairing, you've decided to renovate and decorate by yourselfs. However, it seems to be proving more difficult than anticipated, and with Drew being away a little more than you also anticipated, it appears it's getting a little stressful.

You sigh, the thought of having to wait an extra 12 hours from now for your boyfriend to be home aches your heart. A conflicting feeling of sadness and excitement take turns filling the pit in your stomach, as being reunited is so close, yet so far away

You wonder if the stress of decorating the house and being alone for weeks at a time is also heightened by the hormonal imbalances your body is experiencing over these past 3 1/2 months.

Finding out you were pregnant was frightening to say the least. You hadn't planned it, you may have discussed it from time to time with Drew but you had it in your mind that that phase of your life was to come a little bit later down the line. So when you found out you were pregnant, the initial thought was to terminate the pregnancy...However, after a few weeks of discussions, and seeing how amazing Drew was being an uncle to his sister's son, you became very open to the idea of keeping it. And Drew agreed, even though he expressed that he would've been supportive with any decision you chose to make, he seemed the most happiest when he thought about hearing the little pitter patters of feet on the floor boards, or the sound of giggles so pure that are simultaneously shared with yours.

"Okayyyy" you nod whilst dragging out your syllables as you shuffle around in bed.

"How are you, baby?" Drew questions with a beaming grin and a slight spring in his voice. Drew quickly follows up his question with another "and baby?"

You glance at your beaming boyfriend through the screen and giggle to yourself. "were missing you" you wine, pouting your lips slightly, trying to make him feel sorry for you. "I miss you" he coos "but i'll be home soon, to look after you both! And also finish renovating this house before she arrives'' he gushed

Seen as the pregnancy was not planned, neither of you was prepared beforehand. You and Drew had owned separate apartments prior to buying this house. Even though you practically lived together whenever you could rustle up the chance, it always would go back to being only your space. or only his space. with only your belongings that subside or, vice versa. Even though You and Drew could've lived in your own little bubble forever, responsibilities and chores needed to be carried out to determine that your individual lives ran smoothly. Meaning time apart was necessary. But when you decided to keep the baby and start this little family, you both agreed it was necessary to look at buying a house.

You both agreed you wanted to know the gender of your baby, so you could customise the nursery and pick out the cutest, tiniest baby growths and hats, ready for your baby girl's arrival. Watching Drew hold up tiny shoes and fluffy teddies whilst shopping for your daughter melted your heart. You'd giggle whilst rolling your eyes and taunt him about already having basically the same product in the basket, but he'd wine and ensure the product was different, most of the time only in colour or size, and you was unable to argue with him as he was already determined that he was purchasing that item. He already couldn't say no to spoiling her, and she hadn't even arrived yet.

The house is large, a 5 bed 3 bathroom colonial stately home. Open plan kitchen and dining area, with multiple lounges and a couple studies. a pool and 2 acres of land. it’s been a joint dream for you and drew to own a home just like this one. so when you came across it on the market, you had a feeling this was going to be yours. your forever home. at least one of them! However, The catch? It needed renovation, and a lot of it. But you guys are determined to get the main rooms completely ready before the baby comes. However, you've got 6 months until she arrives and not even the nursery is finished. Did you guys bite off more than you can chew?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drew was now just over an hour away from landing at the airport and you can feel you heart begin to fill with joy. Even though it takes you half an hour to drive to the airport, you decided to grab your bag and car keys and set off now. an attempt to miss the evening traffic.

Driving down the motorway, you hear your phone start to chime, "fuck" you mumble to yourself, Knowing your phone resides deep in your bag. The ringing is your ever so familiar alarm that you set to ensure you remember to take medication you've been on for your morning sickness. You let the chime ring out for a few seconds before it starts to test your patience.

"ugghhh" you moan... You reach your hand over to your bag whilst your other hand rests on the steering wheel, keeping your eyes on the road. you wiggling your fingers trying to locate the phone inside. You glance over to the bag, still reaching whilst trying to keep control of the car.

Your hand finally grasps your phone and you pull it out of your bag, setting it aside so you can switch off the echoing alarm. As you glance down, making sure you’re hovering your finger over the correct button, screeching tears through your ears.

Before you could react, your vision went black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smoke fills your lungs and your body is limp. you began to gasp for air as you can feel your heart pounding at a rate you've never seemed to experience before. you reach around trying to find something to grasp onto but your vision is blurry.

Blood floods the fabric of your clothes, taking up almost every inch. You realise the only way out of your vehicle is the already broken window that appears the opposite way round. Glass still resides on the edges of the window, but you don't contemplate your exit, you begin to crawl out of the opening. As you do so you notice your legs unresponsive, but the pain you feel is little to none, as the adrenaline rushing through your veins is enough to numb your body and thoughts. The only thought you have is to make your way out of this situation alive.

The sound of sirens replaced the sound of your heart beat. As you lay at the side of the road with one elbow propping your body up. you notice the impact your body has taken. your leg looked to be disoriented and your flesh was not attached to your bones. The pain started to seep through your body and you whimpered in pain whilst screaming for help. The truck that had hit you was on its side and your car was upside down. People began to gather and surround you as the sirens grew closer. After fighting the energy to stay awake you find yourself crippled with exhaustion, your eyes start to flutter shut...the sounds start to fade away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your eyes flutter, resisting the bright light that your met by and the smell of chemical aromas that are ever so strong. “baby…? that’s it. it’s drew” the muffled voice echoes through your ears, a voice that sounds uncertain, but a voice that grants you comfort.

"cmon baby, i'm here with you...you're gonna be okay y/n/n"

You begin to try to lift your head but a shooting pain descends down your back, you wince in pain as you drop your head back down to the white pillow.

"hey, hey! stop y/n/n, just rest okay. You're okay now. you're safe" Drew ensures whilst squeezing your hand in the palm of his.

You dart your eyes over to your puffy eyed boyfriend sat in the hospital chair. the anaesthesia and medication your body is under makes it hard to think straight, but you manage to give a slight reassuring smile to your boyfriend, just to tell him that you're hearing what he's saying and that you're relieved that he's the one by your bedside.

You notice Drew's eyes are glazed over and his pupils swell with joy. He gives you an identical smile. "Hey baby" he whispers whilst still squeezing your palm.

"I'm just going to get the doctors okay? Just to tell them you're awake" He explains. He stands carefully and begins to make his way out the hospital room.

The doctor enters the room as Drew grabs your hand and sits back by your side. you glance around, unsure of how to feel. your heart races as your consciousness starts to come back. You're slightly unsure of the intensity and trauma your body has just been through, but something feels incredibly off.

Your eyes dart to the doctor as he begins.

"Hello miss y/l/n, i'm doctor Edward's" he pauses "You've been in a severe car accident involving 1 other person" the doctor states...

"now there's a few things i'd like to go over if that's okay with you miss y/l/n and mr Starkey'' Drew nods eagerly as you widen your eyes, unable to move your neck.

"It looks as if you've broken your right leg miss y/l/n, as well as fracturing your collar bone, elbow and neck" he states. “you’ve experienced extremely deep tissue wounds to the calf’s and back muscles and a light head injury” he adds whilst ensuring he's making eye contact with yourself and drew.

"with the severity of the car crash, i'm extremely glad you're alive miss y/l/n, as your body has undergone quite the trauma" he states whilst looking down at his noteboard.

Your hearing what the doctors saying, yet none of it is settling in, you're heart is still racing and the pit in your stomach is growing larger and larger, all your mind resides on is your baby girl that's growing inside your stomach, the deep pain in your heart aches to know if your baby is okay.

You manage to muster the strength to ask the question that's been spinning round your head "is-is our baby okay?" you ask. You glance over at Drew, trying to gain an answer, However, he doesn't seem to meet your eyes, he's looking down at the floor, and you can see his breaths start to become unsteady. You quickly look over to the doctor and the look he gave you was a sympathetic one

"I’m terribly sorry miss y/l/n...umm...i'm afraid you suffered a miscarriage whilst being involved in the car crash"

You're taken back by his words and your hearing begins to muffle, you're unsure of how to react, you're unsure if the information has even hit you yet. You look over to drew and lock eyes as he's already staring at you with a look so heart wrenching. he Engulfed you in a hug. Drew kisses your forehead as he whispers

“Everything’s going to be okay”

a/n : i’m planning on doing 2 more parts to this story, one in drew’s POV and one about the impact of the miscarriage… i could possibly do a 4th part of how drew and the reader eventually try for another baby and start a family? lmk what you think <33

[masonmtxo]

Have a random dad Mase drabble

Mason fiddled with the lapels of his suit as he approached the podium set up in the centre of the stage, shaking the hand of the older man who had given him an introduction. He has been nervous when he had initially been asked to make a quick speech earlier in the evening by one of the ladies who had helped run the event, but his mind instantly flickered to his newborn daughter in Manchester who he was away from the first time since her birth 2 weeks ago and he knew what he wanted to say.

He coughed slightly, glancing around the room until his eyes landed on his brother who gave him a supportive nod and grin. It would usually have been you sitting beside his vacant chair at these events, but for the first time since you had started dating, he was attending without you on his arm. Right now you were at home, probably laid across the sofa with your daughter on your chest, and in that moment a feeling of homesickness struck across his heart that make his stomach ache with the intensity. God knows how he would be able to deal with away matches or international camps now, it was hard enough just leaving you, but the thought of leaving his daughter for an extended period was impossible to fathom.

Adjusting the microphone, his mind stayed fixated on the little human that had given him a whole new meaning to life, and a much deeper appreciation for the charity that already meant so much to him. Mason took a deep breath and started, “first off, Id like to say a massive thank you to ‘Together for Short lives’ for asking me to be here tonight and to be their patron. It has been a huge honour to work with the amazing people who run this charity and to see first hand the incredible difference they make on so many children and young people’s lives,” he cleared his throat, eyes stinging slightly as he continues, “2 weeks ago, I became a parent for the first time and that has given me an even deeper appreciation for what this foundation does for families across the UK. I always understood the importance of supporting those who have been diagnosed with a life limiting condition as well as their families, but since becoming a dad and being able to experience that love for a child first hand, I feel proud more now than ever that I am able to play a small part in this work.”

He paused, taking another deep breath, “My baby girl is at home right now with my partner and this is the first time since she was born that I’ve had to leave her for more than a few hours and I honestly feel lost. I keep texting her mum for updates and I know she’s probably rolling her eyes at me for being so anxious about leaving her. So I cant even imagine what some families go through, often being apart from their loved ones due to treatments and hospital stays. Being able to provide families with the ability to spend time together, living life to the fullest and making the most of what they have makes this charity have an even closer place to my heart.”

He smiled softly, eyes falling upon some of the families who were being supported, “so thank you all for being here tonight and allowing me to join you. Enjoy!” he finished, stepping away from the podium with a charming smile.

Shaking a few hands of other attendees he recognised on his way back to the table, he reached for his phone the second he made it back to his chair. Quickly opening up his chat with you, smiling at the last message you had sent, letting him know Marley was finally down for the night after refusing to settle earlier in the evening, seemingly missing her daddy.

I love you both more than you will ever know. See you in the morning, tell Marley daddy misses her xxxx

[thattargboy]

Imagine…

Being Aegon’s sister-wife and he tries to get you and your children to run away with him across the Narrow Sea to avoid being crowned King.

“You need to get up,” You awoke to your husband frantic, and presumably drunk, shaking your shoulder. You shrugged him off and rolled over but it did not sway him.

“Darling, get up,” Aegon said frantically. “We have to go.”

“My love,” you said as you sat up, yawning and wiping the sleep dust from your eyes. “‘Tis the hour of the owl, let me sleep. What could be so important?”

“Our father is dead,” Aegon said solemnly, his words like ice water over you. “Mother and Grandsire mean to name me king. I already have our dragons prepared for flight.”

Your eyes shot open. Whatever state you expected to see your husband in, fully dressed, somewhat sober and dry-eyed, holding your babe with a panicked wet nurse and your two sleepy toddlers on his tail was certainly not it.

“Seven Hells,” you said and rose from bed, running both your hands down your face. You always knew this day would come, and yet even as your father’s health deteriorated, you did not expect it so soon. Perhaps you were blinding yourself, not wanting to face what will, what is, coming after. “How do you even know? I’ve heard nothing of this.”

“When I was… in the city, I had heard Mother’s handmaiden talking with someone; she said Father supposedly named me his heir on his deathbed. With only Mother as a witness. I do not want to stay.” Uprooting our lives over gossip he heard while he was out whoring?

“Are we going somewhere?” Aemon, your eldest, asked. His sister sniffled but he held her hand. You did not know what to say. This was all too much to process. “Is Grandsire dead?”

Your children held no love for their inattentive grandsire, nor did you for your father, but the information clearly distressed all of them. Or perhaps it was their father’s clear panic that was scaring them. Aegon held your little Daerion on his hip, who clearly did not want to be awake, and looked like he was on the verge of wailing.

Aemon and Elaena stood behind him with the nursemaid. The twins were still in their sleep-clothes and held the toy dragons they cannot sleep without. The very picture of innocence and confusion.

You took Daerion from his father’s arms and cradled the small boy. Aegon took your hand, eyes pleading.

“What is it you mean to do?” You asked, trying to keep your voice down. “Take off on Sunfyre and Moonborne to find Saera Targaryen and live in her pillow house for the rest of our days?”

“That sounds lovely to me,” he said.

“Be serious, Aegon!” You chided as you bounced your son. “We cannot run away from our duty, from our family.”

“I am serious, we cannot stay. Being King is the last thing I want, I will hardly be good at it,” Aegon said, taking your face in his hands and pressing his forehead against yours. “My duty is to protect you and our children, and leaving will do that, you know what crowning me will cause. The wet nurse may go wherever she wishes after Daerion is weaned.”

He was serious, that was the bad part. And he was right, which was even worse— whether or not your father truly did name Aegon heir mattered little. Any attempt to put Aegon on the throne will be seen by your half-sister and her supporters as an act of war, putting you and your children in danger.

“We must act swiftly, just say the word.” Aegon kissed you, once, twice, tears finally filling his eyes. “Please, Y/N. Do this for me, out of the love you have for me as a wife, as a twin.”

Most husbands would demand this of you, tearing you and your children from all you have ever known, yours is begging. You kissed your son’s forehead and contemplated, unsure of your next move. Unsure of the future and safety of your family, scared and confused.

Notes: I gave you and Aegon the same amount of children as Aegon and Helaena (twin son and daughter and a younger son) but I didn’t want them to be the same so I changed the names. All their children are named in honor of their siblings. Please tell me what you think, comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

Ao3 repost if you want to read it there instead

[eternalbuckley]

My heart chose you. - evan buckley

SUMMARY: Look at this wonderful request.

word count: 3,311

genre: fluff, comfort | gn!reader, queer!reader, bipoc!reader and plus-size!reader friendly

warnings: a tiny bit of angst, sexual comments about reader + explicit language, cat calling (once?), disgusting men, use of y/n a few times, buck is readers first boyfriend/kiss/etc., established relationship, slight description of how buck met readers parents for the first time, readers mum accuses buck of only using reader, mention of alcohol, use of pet names (babe, darling, [my] love), insecure buck, mention of thunderstorms, english is not my first language, hardly proofread — if i forgot something, please let me know!

a/n: Thank you for this awesome request! I had so much fun writing it and I hope everything fits perfectly. This is the first request I’ve ever done and I hope you all will like it as well!! Happy reading 🫶

disclaimer: please do not repost or try and take ownership of my work or post this anywhere without my consent. do not translate my work and post it anywhere — i give you no permission to do that. i only post my stories here, so if you find my work anywhere else please let me know! reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated and welcomed!

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The topic 'love' was never an easy one for you. You were sure you never even felt what real love felt like, you always ran away from it whenever you felt it would start to get too intimate with possible partners. You weren’t even sure if you ever loved anyone, maybe you had crushes before but not too deep. Sure, you had a few people you texted with before but it wasn’t just it. You never got to the point to go on a proper date with them. The reason why you ran away were your parents. It was always hard for you while you still lived with them. You had to listen to their constant arguments about every tiny bit they weren’t on the same page with their opinions. You spent a lot of time in your room and tried to ignore their voices. You were scared that you could end up the same way with your partner.

That was until you met the infamous Evan 'Buck' Buckley. He immediately stole your heart the first time you saw his smile directed towards you. Buck and you met through your mutual friend, Eddie. You knew Eddie through Shannon. You wouldn’t say you were really close but you were close enough that he invited you to one of the dinners at Athena's house with the whole 118 and her family. That‘s where you also met Buck within everyone else that is important to him.

Buck and you didn’t talk for the first few hours, only sending each other a few glances. Until he approached you with the smile you fell for. He made you laugh and he liked your laugh. The chemistry was there between you. You just wouldn’t have expected to fall for him. The more you got to know him in the following months, the more you fell for him without realizing it.

Once he asked you out on an official date, things worked out well for you. From opening up to him and trusting him with the things that matter to you the most up to having your first kiss with him. You didn’t want to run away anymore, you wanted to stay. To stay with Buck and he felt the same about you. He deeply cared for you even way before you officially started to be in a relationship or officially dated. Buck wanted to make you as happy and comfortable as you‘d ever feel. He fully understood your way of life and why you ran away from love. And he understood how it was to have struggles with your parents, that‘s why you both knew how to comfort each other even more.

You understood each other. Everyone who would see and watch you would immediately notice the love that was lingering between you. You knew each other so well and knew what the other one needed. It felt like you were in sync with each other. The whole 118 admired both of you and once you and Buck announced that you two were together, they supported you both. Secretly they already knew but wanted you to officially say it out loud.

Of course, this relationship came with a few insecurities. You were scared you‘d do things wrong since it was your first relationship and Buck not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed. But neither of these happened. Buck was excited to be your every first. From your first proper date, first kiss, and everything else. You were strong together. Especially once you moved in with him.

Two years later, the big day was there. Buck wanted to propose to you. Trying to plan it perfectly. He asked Bobby and Athena to help to pick out the perfect ring for you, the price didn’t matter to him. And he knew it wouldn’t matter to you as well, as you‘d even take a sugar ring. You made a few jokes before about it, the first time you did Buck realized he definitely wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He couldn’t imagine his future without you. You were the love of his life. And he was yours.

The moment he was kneeling in front of you with a box, you knew what would happen. You already knew your answer. You could never say no to Buck. Over the years you were together with Buck, your insecurities and fears of having a relationship like your parents had washed away. You even were ready to marry, as long as it was Buck that would stand at the altar with you.

The whole scenery was perfectly decorated, just like how you liked it. After all, Buck knew you and seeing how you admired everything, made him proud of himself. And happy as well. After he asked you, "Do you want to marry me, my love? And spend the rest of your life with someone like me?" You didn’t answer him and just fell down on your knees to kiss him. He immediately realized what it meant and the biggest smile appeared on his lips. Tears built up in both of your eyes and after he put on the ring on your finger you shared many more kisses and laughter.

"You‘re unbelievable, Buck." You whispered against his lips.

"I love you."

A few weeks later you announced your engagement to the rest of the 118, who of course supported you. After you found out that Bobby and Athena helped Buck to pick out the ring, it meant even more to you and made you more emotional. You knew how much they both meant to Buck and you were so happy that Buck has found his family. Maddie seemed to be the most excited one in the whole group. She always had the fear Buck would never find the perfect match for him until she met you and immediately knew how happy you made him. You got along with her very well and you were already planning to ask her to be your bridesmaid. You just didn’t know when to ask her but there will still be enough time to figure that out.

Telling your parents about the engagement was not the easiest part on the other hand. They were not very fond of Buck himself. Especially your mother. The first time they met him they were distant, your father not that much though. Your father just warned Buck about him leaving and hurting you. Or else it wouldn’t be pretty for Buck. That was everything your father said about it. Your mother on the other hand openly told Buck that she already knew that he would leave her soon anyways as soon as he slept with you. You defended him but it was useless against her. Everything she said had to be right, she would never say anything wrong. Even though her ‚prediction' never came true.

They tried to show their happiness but you knew it was hard for them. You didn’t even want to imagine them at your wedding, especially since they weren’t able to stay in the same room for five minutes without fighting. You weren’t sure if you wanted them to be at your wedding anyways.

————

"Babe, have you already checked the e-mails?" Buck shouted from the kitchen table.

He was currently on his laptop while you were getting ready for dinner at Eddie's house. You haven’t seen him and Chris for a few days now and Buck already told you how Eddie would tell him the whole time about how much Chris misses you.

"I haven’t. Is there anything in for me?" You fixed the clothes you were wearing and came down the stairs. You both shared your mail app on the laptop.

Buck looked up and admired you. You were breathtaking.

"Don‘t stare," you chuckled and slightly swatted his arm while passing him to get a glass of water.

"I can’t resist, darling. You‘re too beautiful you know that," he smiled and looked back at his laptop. "There‘s just this one here for you."

You got over to him and leaned against his side to look at the e-Mail. While you were reading it Buck started to play with your fingers. It was an invitation from one of your old classmates in college, people you didn’t really want to meet again in your life. It was not like you disliked them but you were at a whole different point in your life than you used to be in college.

"Just delete it," you told him while he still played with your fingers.

He looked up to you but your eyes were glued on the screen. "You sure?"

You sighed. "I don’t know if I want that, Buck."

Buck pulled you into his lap and you leaned your head against his shoulder. "It’s okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know that?" He tried to reassure you. You just nodded your head and didn’t say more.

At the same very evening, you told him you‘d decided to go to this party with your old classmates. He asked you if he should come with you but you told him he didn’t have to. Buck wasn’t feeling good about that, he was worried. He saw how unsure you were about going to this party earlier that day. He didn’t say anything more but he knew he would go with you anyways. He didn’t want to let you go there alone.

Two days later he was standing in the hallway, waiting for you. He hasn’t told you yet that he was going with you but you already assumed it would lead to it. And you didn’t mind, instead, you were happy that he didn’t listen to you this time. He smiled at you when you came down the stairs, looking beautiful like always.

"What are you doing?" You asked him after you took his hand, which he had extended to you.

He smiled at you. "I‘m going with you to that college party."

You smiled back at him and kissed his cheek. "I love you so much."

He held your hand the entire time while you walked down to his jeep. The car drive was quiet but nothing you or Buck had to be worried about. Once you got into the location you were greeted by two of your old roommates that were already a bit tipsy from the alcohol. They offered you and Buck a glass but you both declined. You were not in the exact mood to drink and Buck had to drive.

Both girls were already swooning over Buck and asked you many questions about him. Who he was, how you met and if you‘re together. Once they discovered the ring you were wearing, they hugged you happily. And maybe they let out a few screams. You laughed at their reactions. Buck in the meanwhile was watching you from a few feet away. It already has been two hours since you two were there and he was happy to see you feeling more comfortable than you used to be in the beginning.

A guy came up to him, smelling like alcohol but only because someone else threw a glass on him on accident. "How di’ you do it mate?"

"What do you mean?" Buck was confused.

The guy nodded in your direction, in that exact moment you were talking to the two girls from earlier. "Them. How did you get them out of their zone? D‘you have superpowers or somethin‘." He laughed but Buck didn’t know what he meant.

The guy noticed the confused look on Buck's face and sighed. "The whole time in college I tried to gain the attention of Y/N but nothing. Nothing ever happened. I mean… Look at them. They‘re fuckin‘ hot as ever and all the things you‘re able to do with them. Things no one ever had the chance to do in college, man. Even the others had no chance. The guys call you the superhero, bro. You‘re a legend for having them in your bed."

Buck slowly nodded his head and looked back at you. He now questioned why you chose him if you apparently could have anyone. Sure, he knew your whole story but how did he get to be the lucky one and get to experience the love you had within you? But on the other hand, the words of this disgusting guy next to him made him stiffen his body and Buck got angry about how this guy talked about you.

"Kind of disappointing that I‘m not the lucky one and chose you instead though. They‘re probably so good in bed, huh? Wish I could have the chance to experience tha-" The guy mentioned and immediately held up his hands after Buck quickly looked at him, not pleased, "Hey come on, man! I was just joking." He didn’t even finish his first sentence.

Buck knew it wasn’t just some sort of joke but he didn’t want to cause any drama and let this guy go back to his friends. Now it was Buck who didn’t feel very comfortable, knowing he probably has the attention of all the guys that were standing a few meters away from him.

A few moments later you approached him with a big smile but that quickly vanished once you noticed his stiffness and stern look on his face.

"Babe, is something wrong?" You carefully caressed his cheek and looked at him. You were worried.

"Don’t worry about me, enjoy your time, love."

You shook your head. "I wanted to go home anyways but what happened? Did someone say something to you?"

His eyes wandered to some of the guys that were standing at the bar and you knew who they were and sighed. You took his hand and were ready to leave.

"Ignore them. They’re assholes. In college, they wanted to get in bed with everyone including me. But I never gave them any attention and they despised that," you mentioned.

"Hey Y/N!" One of the guys called over and waved at you. Which caused you to roll your eyes.

Even after all these years, they were still behaving like children. They never grow up and you don’t want to know how many people they tried to hook up with.

"One of them still wants you."

You quickly looked over to the guys that were still kind of looking over to you and Buck. "Let me guess.. A bit taller than you? Brown eyes and a buzz cut that looks weird on him?" You looked back to your boyfriend and disgust was written in your face.

Buck nodded his head. "Yeah. He told me about the fantasies he has about you." He looked angrily to him.

"That‘s Connor. The biggest jerk I‘ve ever met," you took his hand, "Let‘s get out of here. I can’t fucking stand them. They’re still as horrible as they used to be." You walked out with him.

You still held his hand while you were walking over the Bucks jeep. "Back in college they always tried to get me in bed, after a while they started to place bets on who would be the first one to win me over," you sighed, "Especially Connor."

Buck sighed and nodded his head and went in to hug you after you got to his jeep. You immediately hugged him back and kissed his cheek. Both of his arms were strongly around you, signaling he really needs this hug in that moment. After a few moments, he let go of you.

"Let‘s get away from here." You both said at the same time and ended up chuckling.

You both got into Bucks jeep and immediately drove home. Back home you both changed into your pajamas and got into your bed. You both didn’t talk about the encounter again but it didn’t leave Buck's mind at all. Even after you already fell asleep, he was still wide awake. Connor's words didn’t leave his thoughts. Buck was thinking about why you chose him. Out of all the people that live on earth, why him? How was he the luckiest person to have you?

It was already 3 am and Buck was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He didn’t even realize it started thundering. He only did when you cuddled into his arms - you always did that while thunderstorms because you felt the safest in his arms.

"Buck…?" You mumbled, still sleepy, "Why are you awake?" You yawned.

He kissed the side of your head while you snuggled into him even more. "I‘m fine don’t worry about me. Go back to sleep, babe." He whispered, hoping you‘d fall asleep again.

"Something is on your mind. I can tell," you noticed the sternness in his voice even when you were sleepy. That only awakened you more.

He sighed and put his arms around you. "I‘m just thinking about some unnecessary things."

"Nothing is unnecessary. Tell me what‘s on your mind. Is it still from the party?"

Buck shook his head, "Not really. I just.." He hesitated, "Wanted to ask you something."

You turned around to turn on the lamp on your nightstand, "What is it?" You looked at him, the light wasn’t very bright but you still were able to see his thoughtful face.

"Why me?"

You raised your eyebrows. "What do you mean, Buck?"

He looked into your eyes. "Why did you choose me? Out of all the people, why me? Am I that special?" Buck was feeling insecure.

You snuggled up to him again and kissed his arm. "Because it was my heart that chose you above everyone else." You intertwined your fingers.

"I love you, Buck. I fell in love with the person you are. The first time we met at Athena's place and the very moment you looked over to me with your wonderful smile I just knew I had to get to know you," You smiled at him which he returned, "I guess I just knew you would mean a lot to me and you absolutely do. I‘ve never felt so comfortable and seen like I do with you. Getting to know you and slowly building a friendship and not realizing that I was falling for you created the relationship we have today and will have in the future. I couldn’t be happier. You understood me, no one ever did that before and you were always there for me, Buck. My heart is completely filled with you and will always be yours. I don’t care about what anyone else ever said about you or will say, you‘ll always have my heart in your hands."

Buck had tears in his eyes and pulled you to him to kiss you deeply. You kissed him back and smiled against his lips. His hands were on your cheeks and he kissed you multiple times.

"You‘re perfect, did I ever tell you that?" He looked into your eyes again, his hands were still on your cheeks.

You pretended to think about it but smirked. "Hmm… Only a few times?"

He chuckled and kissed you again. You both got back into a comfortable position and snuggled against each other.

"I just noticed that I never thanked Eddie for basically dragging me to the dinner at Athena’s place." You whispered after a few minutes and chuckled, "We should do that. Without him, I probably would have never met the love of my life."

Buck chuckled and kissed the side of your head. "We definitely should thank him. Guess he‘s the best accidental matchmaker to exist."

You giggled and instead of sleeping Buck and you ended up talking a bit more until you happily fell asleep in each other’s arms.

He truly was your safe place and you were his. It were you and him against the world.

[drdemonprince]

Hi I keep thinking back to your book unmasking autism, I recently was diagnosed with level 1 by my new psychiatrist but with losing my healthcare I feel lost on how to function without medical assistance. I typically mask and been learning how not to, but it always feel at the opportunity cost of more money, overly explaining to family or grief. I’ve been in a loop of feeling I shouldn’t exist due to my disability and it a sad feeling.

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I'm certain you already know this, but it's not the case that you shouldn't exist because you are disabled. The vast majority of people on this planet find it absolutely soul-sucking and exhausting to present as what gets called "neurotypical" at work. It's too many hours of pretending to be someone you are not, with no space allotted for your full humanity, with not enough energy or hours left behind to look after oneself, have nourishing authentic relationships, and ample space to recover, be playful and joyful, and dream. Every person requires ample time and space for themselves to recouperate, and to listen to the actual feelings that they have inside, and capitalism instead demands that we suppress all of it, and it can slowly eat away at us and make it difficult to access authentic pleasure or connectedness. For Autistics it's especially pronounced because we are such a bad mismatch with what capitalism demands, and because we need so much energy recovery time, but it's simply the case that you are not broken or defective for failing to fit within such an oppressive system. It is that system that should not exist, and that terrorizes everybody, to varying degrees. I bet if you look at the most "well adjusted" hard working people that you know, you see how their lives have been totally ruined by overworking and killing what's wild and free about themselves, or what used to be those things.

I have spoken to hundreds of Autistic people in the situation you are in at this point, and I have found that for the majority of us, embracing our disability and articulating our needs means that very dramatic changes have to happen in our lives. Some people have to reorient how they interact with their families, establish new boundaries, push to really educate them on neurodivergence, go no contact, or rethink what family means to them altogether. Lots of us leave careers or switch to part-time or remote work, or have to get incredibly creative and resourceful in order to survive in a way that we can stand: going on disability benefits, public assistance, living with friends, pooling resources, going off the grid in some way, finding some side hustle or scam that makes it possible to survive, doing sex work or freelance, taking on childcare or eldercare duties for a friend who is employed, or something of that nature are all options I've seen a lot of unmasking Autistics pursue. None of these options are ideal, and they all come with significant costs and risk factors. But then, so does killing oneself slowly with work.

I have a whole book coming out next year in March about these specific considerations, with lots of tools and decision trees and research and quotes from other Autistics. The book is designed to help Autistics who are in that second stage of their unmasking journey sort out what a life where it is possible to be less masked means for them. Where can they live? Who is gonna support them? What matters to them in their life? How can they reset their relationships in light of their neurodivergence? What does it mean to grow old as a disabled person? These are the kinds of questions the book will hopefully help me explore, and discover the best answers for themselves. Of course, many people would say that their only way out of this is the downfall of capitalism, but I personally am of the mind that we have to make that end happen ourselves by working less hard, consuming less where possible, leaning on other people, providing support to our neighbors, becoming less reliant upon our employers and the government, and building our collective escape from the capitalistic machine. And we can all have some small part in that, even if only for ourselves and those immediately closest to us. That's enough.

I hope that you find a way of life that is sustaining and feels whole and good for you. As neurodivergent people we do things very differently. And that is both the curse and the beauty of us. The prescribed script we've been given for how life is supposed to look is never going to work for us. Indeed, it's not working for most anybody else either. There way forward will not be easy, and the lot you've been given to deal with is not fair, but there are also millions of other disabled people just like you who are leaning on one another, slowing down, refusing to play into the existing system's hand as much as is possible for them, and making a new world. And just by pondering the things that you are, you're helping already to make that new world too.

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Crimson Tango: A Dance of Diamonds and Revenge Part 1: Welcome to the Moulin Rouge✨

A/N: SO excited for me and @mountainsandmayhem to bring you a Moulin Rouge Joel Miller series ❤️ We are both so excited to be writing this and hope you love it as much as we do! Hang on tight for the ride of your life between these two on their angsty, beautiful love story 🥰 Comments and reblogs mean the world to us! Chapters are in both reader’s and Joel’s POV. No explicit smut in first chapter.

Word Count: 6.2k

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem! reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ ONLY MDNI)

Tags: Angst, unprotected p in v, oral, fingering, forbidden love, murder, fluff and smut, jealousy, moulin rouge au, soulmates being in love, protective Joel, no outbreak, reader is 20 and Joel is 29, tags will be updated each chapter

Summary: Joel Miller doesn’t know what awaits him as he takes on a maintenance job at the Moulin Rouge. He doesn’t know he’ll meet the absolute love of his life, the Sparkling Diamond, as his world comes crashing down around him fast. Will he be able to stay away when he’s warned not to touch the dancers? Will he listen or will he challenge that pull that draws him to the one thing that sets his soul on fire?

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

Welcome to the Moulin Rouge

Your whole childhood centered around death, but you never thought about the possibility of yourself dying, never thought about how you’d like to go. As your vision blurs and the world begins to silence, you realise that this is the ultimate way to go. For her. Saving her is all that matters, saving the person you love the most in the entire world, even if you’ve never met her.

Sarah, please Joel. Name her Sarah.

At times, your childhood may have seemed sad or tragic to the outside eye, but to you it has been nothing short of amazing. You don’t remember the incident that took both your parents, you were too young, so young that you can’t even picture their faces. You were brought to stay with the only family you had left - your mom’s much older brother.

Your uncle Edward was a quiet and kind man, he was also the owner of Moulin Rouge. A bright and colorful dance hall, filled with sparkling costumes and lively music. For the longest time you weren’t allowed outside of the living quarters, but you remember laughter and cheering filtering through the thin walls. This place was magic to you in your childhood naivety.

You remember begging the dancers to teach you the steps to the songs you overheard in the night. Occasionally, one of them would show you a kick or a twirl that you’d practice alone in your room until the muscles in your legs were stretched and sore, no longer able to support your tiny frame.

During the day, a tutor came in for a few hours to teach you and the few other children that lived there, meals were brought to your living quarters by an older woman who rarely spoke to you. Uncle Edward was alway home for those meals, but often had stacks of papers to go through. Most of the time it was just you and the broken guitar and pottery wheel your uncle had given you. But overall you were alone, far away music and laughter to keep you company.

For your thirteenth birthday your uncle surprised you with dance lessons. He knew how much you wanted to learn, and could practically feel the energy buzzing off you every time your eyes darted to the performing dancers. So he gave in, gifting you with something that might bring you a little joy in the isolated burlesque. A silent way of telling you he was sorry for not being around much and leaving you to delve in your loneliness inside your vacant room.

“Well, little petal,” your uncle says as you blow out the singular candle sitting on top of the small cake to celebrate you turning sixteen. “I think you’re old enough now to come up and watch my diamonds perform. What do you say? Would you like to come see the show?”

You practically jumped from your seat, mouthful of chocolate cake, “Yes, Uncle! Please. Nothing could make me happier.”

“Tomorrow night I will bring you up to see it. Perhaps when you turn eighteen you can join them.”

You’d seen the costumes and the women in their makeup before, you’ve even been out to the dance hall and on the stage. But that was only during the day, when the tables were only occupied by up-turned chairs, the overhead lights were off, and the band was nothing more than an empty pit in front of the stage.

The next night, your uncle brought you a new sparkly pink dress, and had the hair and make-up ladies get you all dolled up to watch. You looked at yourself in the mirror and had never felt more beautiful, seeing yourself as one of the famous diamonds of the Moulin Rouge. Perhaps when you turn eighteen you can join them.

The show was like nothing you’d ever seen before. You didn’t know so many varieties of reds and blues and purples existed. The women kicked their legs in unison, men cheering and clapping as they swooshed their large billowing skirts. The music filled your ears with joy and wonder, the sounds crisper than they were through the walls. Laughter and happiness held you like a tight hug. Perhaps when you turn eighteen you can join them.

As the show wound down, your Uncle leaned to you and said it was time to head to bed, “You’ve seen the show, little petal. Now the adults will indulge in wine and talk about things not for your ears.”

You didn’t argue, simply kissing your uncle on the cheek and saying, “Thank you, Uncle. I am going to practice harder so I can become a real diamond one day!”

You floated down the hallway. With your eyes still swarming with the bright colors of the show and your future dreams you hadn’t realised that you opened the door before the one to take you home, and this door led to something both sinister and unspeakable - it led to darkness. The room was only lit by candles sprawled across the wall, casting looming shadows of the acts happening before your very eyes.

You stood in the doorway taking in men and women completely naked, rubbing up against one another incessantly. Your tutor taught you that these areas of your body are not to be shared, they are only for you. Yet here they are, almost unashamed as they grind. The men all appear to be having a good time, but the women - they’re crying out.

Are they in pain? What are these men doing to them? Why are some men just watching? They should be helping. Your uncle, does he know that this is happening? Is this what his diamonds do?

Perhaps when you turn eighteen you can join them.

You nervously approached your Uncle about it a few days later. “Oh, my sweet little petal. I’m sorry that you had to witness that. I promise you, none of those women were in pain. Not all my diamonds dance like that, and you never will. I meant it when I offered you a spot to dance, fully clothed and on the stage only. I only hope that you do not think less of me now that you know what goes on behind closed doors of the Moulin Rouge.”

Four Years Later

Joel stumbles into the doors of the Moulin Rouge after seeing the maintenance worker needed sign displayed in bold letters outside the burlesque. This was the last place he wanted to end up, the last place he’d be caught dead in; but he needed something, and anything was better than the minimal income of selling his woodwork. He couldn’t get by anymore by only getting one or two customers every couple of weeks, if he was lucky. It wasn’t enough to pay the rent of his small, cramped apartment. Wasn’t enough to feed himself day and night. He needed more, and this was his shot.

He pushes the heavy black doors open, quickly tucking his red flannel button-up into his pressed pants, needing to look his best if he wants to get this job. He has to get it, has to impress whoever is the owner of this club.

He finds the first person he can spot, quickly getting the attention of a bartender as he washes crystal glasses with a thin rag behind the sleek bar top.

“Sorry to bother you, but I saw the sign out front that said you need some help with maintenance around here?” he asks briskly as he stares at the bartender with eyes that say he’s desperate. His hands come to rest on the bar top and he fights the urge to nervously drum his fingers along it.

The bartender looks him over as he sets down a glass, nodding his head. “Oh, yes. Let me go grab the owner real quick. Be right back, wait here,” he says as he runs in the opposite direction, disappearing behind a long hallway. Joel nervously pushes back his outgrown curls, silently cursing to himself for buying that loaf of bread instead of getting a haircut. His big brown eyes dart curiously around the club, trying to take it all in.

It’s light outside as the sun glistens in through the drawn crimson curtains, some dancers sauntering on stage as they practice their moves, swaying their hips to a nonexistent beat. Joel averts his eyes and takes in the rest of the large room - it’s filled with tables that are meant for the men to smoke cigars and drink their alcohol as they drool over the women of the burlesque. All lust and no love, the way the burlesque was set up to be. Joel was never into this scene, never fit in with any of those types of men, but he was desperate, he needed work and this may very well be the only way he can get any.

A tall, thin man walks into the room with slicked back sandy hair and green eyes that are as sharp as a snake’s. He eyes Joel carefully, one hand resting in his pocket, the other stretching to shake Joel’s. Joel wastes no time and reaches a hand out, feeling a firm grasp as the owner shakes his hand.

“The name’s Edward. And you are?” he asks with a gentle smile.

“I’m Joel. Joel Miller,” he says with nerves running through his body, the back of his neck slick with sweat. He’s nervous he won’t get it, nervous he’ll leave empty handed with no job. He’ll fight for it though because he’s a fighter, and he doesn’t give up easily.

“So, I hear you’re interested in the maintenance job. You got any experience?” Edward asks as he leans against the bar, crossing his arms over his chest as he examines Joel again, taking in his flannel and tan pants, his worn work boots.

“Yes, sir. Got years of experience with fixin’ things. Anything from sinks to building homes. Even have a little woodworking shop on the side,” he says proudly as he tries not to fidget with the buttons on his flannel.

“Hmmm,” Edward hums as he looks him over again carefully, those bright green eyes staring at Joel’s clothes like he’s judging him. Joel swallows down that dry lump of self doubt creeping in. “You seem capable. How old are you? Think you can handle working at nights, too? Gets pretty rowdy around here when the moon comes up, but that’s when we need someone the most,” he presses, eyes shifting over him as his brow raises in question again, waiting for Joel to respond.

“Just about to turn thirty and ‘course. Nights don’t bother me one bit. I can even start today, if I can,” Joel says with a determined smile as he shoves his left hand deep into his pocket, praying he’ll get the job.

“I see. Well then, looks like you got yourself a new gig. See you tonight at let’s say 7:00 pm,” he says, reaching a hand out to Joel. For most men that would be a question, but Edward is a very rich and powerful man, he doesn’t ask for things, he demands them. Joel doesn’t hesitate for a second and puts his grip in Edward’s, shaking in agreement.

“Thank you, thank you! You don’t know how much I appreciate this,” he says with tears almost filling his eyes. A job, he finally has a job that’ll get him by just fine. No more nights of going hungry. He can finally breathe a second, if not more.

Before he turns to leave, Edward puts a hand on his shoulder and turns him back around carefully. “Oh, forgot to mention something. There’s only one condition I ask of you. Don’t touch my dancers. They’re strictly for the guests that pay,” he says with furrowed brows, his eyes burning into him, as if to see if Joel will flinch at all.

“That’ll be no problem on my part. Promise,” Joel confirms with a nod of his head, his tousled curls moving with the motion.

“Good, good…” Edward hums out. “Alright, Joel. I’ll see you tonight,” he says with a wave as he turns around and heads back behind crimson curtains, disappearing into a dark hallway.

Joel can’t help but smile as he heads out the doors of the Moulin Rouge, stepping into the warm sunshine as it bathes across his tanned skin. He takes a breath of fresh air as it smells of autumn leaves and new hope.

Things start to feel like they’re looking up, like something nirvanic was right on the cusp. What Joel doesn’t know is just what waits around that heavy crimson curtain for him. He doesn’t know the beautiful disaster he’s about to step into. A Sparkling Diamond that will take over his life forever. Someone so precious, so special, so indescribably unique. Someone so very - you.

Joel makes sure to get to the Moulin Rouge fifteen minutes early, wanting nothing more than to give off a good impression. The burlesque is filling up quickly as the sun fades away, the bright full moon taking its place in the sky, stars scattering around it.

When he walks inside the double doors, he sees that the dance hall is filling up quickly with men who smoke expensive cigars and drink bottles of whiskey that he can only dream of affording. He makes his way further into the entrance, his eyes taking in his surroundings, noticing that the large room looks nothing like earlier when it was closed.

Crystal chandeliers hang from the high ceilings as red curtains drape across the crimson wallpaper. The dance floor is littered with burlesque dancers that lift their skirts high and tease the men as they surround them, hoping to entice the wealthiest one. Money is what they’re after and selling themselves is their only shot at making any extra tips for the night.

Joel clenches his jaw at the sight and turns his head, waiting at the front until he finally spots Edward in a black pressed suit. His blonde hair slicked back tight, looking around to make sure his guests are happy and taken care of. When he sees Joel, he walks toward him and puts a hand on his shoulder in greeting.

“Ahh, there you are. Come along now. I’ll show you around,” he says gladly.

After that, he shows Joel the burlesque. He takes him to the maintenance closet and gives him a key to access it - metal tools and large shelves cover the entirety of the inside. Next he takes him down long, dark corridors, past rooms that are locked shut. Just when Joel thinks he's seen it all, they head up to the second story. Sweeping down wooden laden hallways, passed the balcony that overlooks the large city, and through winding rooms that seem to have no end. He had no idea it was so large and spacious here; didn’t even realise people lived here. Joel starts to think more softly towards Edward, sure these women put themselves in vulnerable positions night after night, but they have safe housing and a sense of family and community back here.

Edward takes Joel back down toward the main ballroom where the entertainment is held every night. Just as he latches on to the spiral staircase, he sees a man dragging a dancer with barely anything on into a dark room at the end of the luminescent hallway with red carpet sprawled across the floor. He shoves her in as he starts working his hands up her body, and Joel can see the mass of bodies already in the room as he closes the door, concealing moans and lust on the other side of the tarnished doorway.

Joel gulps and looks back toward the ground, keeping his eyes off the pleasure room. He knows what goes on in these walls, knows what filth lies in every corner. The stench of money and sex encompass the room, he can almost taste it on the tip of his rough tongue. He finds it revolting, men using these women's bodies. No love to be seen in these walls. Only perversions and sexual desire. He turns away sharply and descends the stairs, almost running into the back of Edward.

“I believe one of the wooden tables over by the stage needs some maintenance. The legs are collapsing, think you can do something about that?” he asks with a raised brow as he points at a dark wooden table with the legs barely hanging on.

“Sure. Probably just needs some tightening up. Easy fix,” Joel nods.

“Excellent. I have guests to greet, so fix that and then come find me,” just as he turns on his heel, he stops and looks back at Joel. Green eyes narrowing, a finger pointing in Joel’s direction. “Remember,” he says with venom in his voice, “Do not touch my dancers. They’re only for paying customers, and you cannot afford them.”

Joel only nods, letting Edward know he understands. With that, Edward turns and heads for the main doors, greeting more men as they pack in like sardines. Joel sighs and heads for the maintenance closest, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that shoots through his gut at the backhanded warning Edward gave.

Don’t touch the dancers…you cannot afford them.

Even if Joel could afford it, he would never do what these men are doing. The soft, beautiful women of this place deserve to be treasured, not pawed at and used. He wasn’t a rabid dog. He could control himself unlike all the other men that crowded the Moulin Rouge.

He grabs up a metal wrench and shoves some nuts and bolts deep into his pocket. When he makes his way back to the table he starts to assess the damage. This would be much easier to fix in his well lit workshop, but there’s no carrying this table away from the stage and through the crowd of hungry men.

Now that he’s thrust in the middle of the wooden dance floor, he can see the burlesque dancers seeking out the richest looking men, sitting on their laps and letting them put their dirty paws all over their bodies. The men laugh, carrying on conversations as they fondle their breasts, leaning down to trail kisses up their necks. Some get up and lead the women down the long, dark corridor. Back to the pleasure room. Back to their impending doom.

The three men at the table next to him have one girl propped up in front of them, all of their hands grabbing different areas of her body, asking her if she wants all three of them; the men are easily twenty years older than the petite and innocent looking blonde in front of them. Joel feels for the dancers, but there isn’t anything he can do. It’s business. It’s all about the fucking money and pleasure. Pleasure sells, and this is what most men desire. Sex.

The room grows louder as men cheer from the crowded tables. Some swarming the end of the lit up stage to get a peek at the next performer. Some start chanting, yelling in demand for the next poor soul to dance across that stage, right into the pit of vipers that are ready to spit venom at whatever girl walks out next.

The cigar smoke lingers in the air as crystal glasses clink in cheers, alcohol spilling over on the tabletops. Joel knows that’ll leave a huge mess for him and the other staff to clean up after closing. He tightens the bolts under the table, winding the wrench as he tries to turn his focus away from the lust filled crowd. They’re just a bunch of sick fucks who get off on ripping away the innocence and dignity of women. Nothing more than their play things. Theirs to possess and own for a few hours. It’s cruel and vile, disgusting in itself.

Joel was never the type of guy to use a woman. He’d never dream of hurting anyone. He was thoughtful and charming, a man who minds his manners and works hard for everything he has.

He digs harder into the leg of the table, trying to mute the hooting and hollering that is getting louder by the second. The sounds of the men start to overlap until it’s muffled and pressing on his eardrums, running along the nerves that wire his brain. He concentrates on the task at hand, shutting out the noise as he tries to fix the table.

“The Sparkling Diamond!”

“She’s coming on stage now!”

“Look, look!”

The men nearest him yell to each other, babbling about the Sparkling Diamond as the lights turn crimson and dark around the room, crystal chandeliers send glistening reflections across the expensive tailored suits that fill the crowded room.

“Here she comes, boys!”

Just then, the lights go out completely and a spotlight shines on the wide stage. Crimson curtains splay over the sides, exposing the long walkway where dancers show off for the men. The crowd goes quiet, a few whistles shrouding the silence as a slow, sensual song covers the room. The men pound on the stage, yelling for the Sparkling Diamond to come out. Joel thinks she must be something special if she has the entire room practically panting with anticipation. The wild men crawl towards the stage, pushing each other to get to the front so they can get the best view. Joel doesn’t know anything about a Sparkling Diamond, but he’s intrigued. Just what were they getting all worked up about?

Before he can comprehend what's happening, he hears the click of heels travel across the stage. He rises slowly, seeing the pretty figure that dances under the bright spotlight, the men now screaming and throwing their hands out, begging to get a touch of the enchantress that graces their presence. When she’s fully in view he freezes, dropping the wrench to the floor as it crashes with a loud thud against the spotless wood. It suddenly feels like all the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. Joel braces himself against the table, the sight before him nearly knocking him back down to his knees.

It’s you.

The most beautiful girl he’s ever seen in his entire life. Long, soft curls cascade past your shoulders and bounce around with every move you make on the lit up stage. Your short pink dress barely grazes the curve of your thighs as your arms raise overhead and you spin slowly. As you bring your arms back down, your red painted fingernails caress your curls, then tease the jawline of your flawless face. Your cheeks flush from the attention before you gently bite the tip of your finger, red lipstick sitting matted to your delicate lips.

Joel thinks they look soft to the touch, delicate even. Your lips call to him, almost scream his name. Joel, Joel, Joel. And he wants to answer it. God, does he want to answer that call.

He watches the way you twirl, fluttering your eyelashes as you look down at the men, seducing them effortlessly. Performing is what you were meant to do. When you finally look at Joel he falls completely apart, all his threads coming untied in a heap, and he lets out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding.

He stands there frozen, sinking his nails into the hardwood table as he sucks in a shaky breath, almost unable to fully take in the vision that stands mere inches before him. He can’t hear the carnal men anymore, can’t smell the cigar smoke that encases the air, can’t focus on anything that even remotely takes his attention from the beauty that lights up the room. He can only focus on you. He feels a pull from his chest, like an invisible string, forcing him to look at nothing else but you. The Sparkling Diamond that draws men to the Moulin Rouge, and the one thing he knows will get him fired.

Your eyes sparkle and shine like a rare gemstone, pulling Joel in like a siren’s forbidden song, a lull that drags him under the dark depths of the sea. The smile you wear doesn’t quite reach your eyes, a sadness there that he can’t quite place. The men claw and reach for you like starving pigs, acting like you’re just a piece of meat to pass around to all the others to get a quick taste of.

It makes him sick the way they objectify your body, only caring about what’s underneath the short shimmery dress you wear. Joel doesn’t stare at your curves, doesn’t get sucked into whatever fantasy the rest of the men are in. He just stares at your eyes. Beautiful, sparkling. He’d cross oceans just to have a chance to memorize each fleck and color that maps out those starry eyes. Like roadmaps to his soul, leading him home to the deep depths of those glistening irises. And that’s when something snaps, he can’t - no, he won’t let any of these men put one grimy finger on you. Whatever it takes he’ll do it. He makes a silent vow to keep you safe, protect you at all cost.

There’s only one condition, don’t touch the dancers.

Edward’s voice plays through Joel’s mind on repeat, warning him to not tempt fate. But fate had already been tempted when he saw you up on that stage. He’d quit, starve, be homeless on the street if it meant he could have a chance to be with you. He’d give it all just to be able to touch you, to know you, to have you. He’d leave it all for you. His sweet, Sparkling Diamond.

You spin and turn, kicking your feet up to show off your smooth, long legs that all the men drool over. You turn to the right, drifting your eyes in the direction of a man you’ve never seen before. You almost freeze as he stares right back at you, big beautiful brown eyes gazing into yours as he gawks at you reverently. But his eyes don’t travel down your body like the other men’s do. His eyes stay fixed on your face alone, staring up into the pits of your soul as you suck in a breath and try to focus on the beat of the song.

His long tousled curls drape over his forehead, almost falling into his brown doe eyes that seem to suck you in. He’s tall, broad shouldered with thick biceps that cling to his rolled up button-up flannel. Spidery veins cascade down his arms and end in massive hands that stay clenched by his sides. His tanned skin seems to glow as he stares at you with brown eyes that melt into your own like a candle stick, wax flowing down slowly, sticky and new. It’s captivating. He is captivating.

It's like you’re stuck in a haze, thick clouds that cover you and wrap their fog around so you can’t see, can’t hear anything anymore. You try to focus on the men that praise your body, try to avert your eyes from the handsome stranger, but that organ in your chest you force yourself to ignore is almost screaming at you to run to him. Two souls colliding into each other that were destined to meet. Just like twin flames.

Soulmates.

You blink once, twice, peeling your gaze away from him, turning the other direction, forcing yourself to stay bright eyed, hoping your smile doesn’t lower. You come face to face with a gentleman with a large top hat that screams your name and reaches his arms out, desperate to get just a single touch from you that he hopes will become more.

You turn back around and find that heated gaze again with the dark brown eyes, your own eyes going wide as they draw you to him. He looks a lot like your saving grace. Someone that wants to come in and sweep you off your feet.

Again, he just watches you silently, eyes searching yours as he seems to clock into your mind, reading your thoughts like a book from front to back. He won’t find anything there except a longing for something more. An escape. Happiness. And maybe he could be that for you. Maybe, just maybe he was destined to find you. You can feel it in your chest, that ache and pull that draws you to him.

Your uncle won’t like this. Not one bit…

Joel watches your entire routine, never once letting his eyes drop from you. He watches as you disappear into the crowd of men, narrowing his eyes when he sees the way they grab at you and beg to have a dance with the Sparkling Diamond. It makes him want to strangle every single one of them slowly.

Please, just one dance?

Sparkling Diamond! Care to have a drink with me?

How about a little fun in the red room?

You politely decline each offer and just smile as you pass the men by, trying your best to not meet the stranger with the pretty brown eyes’ gaze. He’s so handsome, so very easy on the eyes. You try your best to look at the men with money, knowing this is what you’re here for, to give them a show so they’ll pay to come back. Try as you might, that thin string snapped the second you saw his brown flecked honey eyes. You don’t want to do this anymore.

You turn where you stand and look back towards the stage. You search as men cram around you and over the top of an older man’s shoulder you can see him, clear as day, still staring at you with a trance-like expression on his face. You hold his gaze for a few seconds, curling your lips into a shy smile and you swear you see his pretty caramel eyes light up like fireflies in the night.

Just when you’re about to walk over to him, you feel your uncle pull you away in the opposite direction. “Come on, little petal, got some nice men that’d like to meet you.”

You follow him helplessly past some drawn crimson curtains, already over the drunk men that will press their chapped lips to your face and place their grimy hands all over you. You’re finished though, over all the fake smiles and laughter you are forced to sell these men night after night. When you look back over your shoulder you can’t see him anymore. No more pretty brown eyes that make you feel somehow safe. You don’t know him, his backstory, his name, or even his age, but you’ll find out. You have to, you just have to.

After finishing fixing the two broken tables and putting them back into order, Joel gets another visit from Edward as he saunters over with a big smile and a glass of scotch in his hand.

“Everything going alright?” Edward asks as he pulls on his black tie and straightens out his long tailed coat.

“Yes, sir. Finished fixin’ those tables for you. They should be good to go now,” Joel answers as he stands up straight with his hands deep in his pockets.

“Excellent!” Edward goes over to the wooden tables and knocks on the top, inspecting Joel’s work as he looks them over carefully. Once he’s satisfied he gives Joel a strong pat on the back and nods. “Did good work, boy. Think we’ll keep you around.”

Joel smiles at the compliment, thanking him for the opportunity. “Oh, there’s actually something else that needs to be done. You remember that room we passed on the second floor? The very back room by the balcony? The one that says Sparkling Diamond?”

Joel’s eyes go wide as he recalls passing a big red door with the letters spelled out in fake diamonds. That has to be your room. He should’ve noticed it sooner, maybe asked about it. But he didn’t know that room would belong to the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He didn’t know it until now.

“Uh-yeah. What about it?” he asks cautiously, eyebrow slightly raised in anticipation of what Edward would say next.

“The sink in her kitchen is dripping and some of the lightbulbs are burnt out. There should be some in the supply closet. Think you can handle taking care of that now?”

He doesn’t hesitate a second. “Absolutely. I’ll get right on it,” Joel says urgently.

As he turns to leave, Edward calls his name. “Oh, Joel. Before you leave tonight, go ahead and have a beer. It’s on me.”

Joel doesn’t know what to say. He’s never been offered a free one before, always had to pay money that he didn’t have to get one. “Oh, thank you. I… I appreciate it.”

“You earned it, kid. I’ll see you tomorrow night?” Edward asks with his eyebrows knitted together and gaze heavy on Joel.

“I’ll be here,” he promises.

“Alright, take care now. I’ve got some business to attend to so see you tomorrow.” Edward turns and walks back into a sea of rich men.

Joel pushes his way past men in black suits and black ties, cigars hanging from their open mouths and drinks spilling over their glass cups as they talk about money, sex, stocks, and women. He tunes them out and keeps walking, ignoring the nasty stares he gets from not being in a suit himself.

As soon as he grabs the bag of lightbulbs and a few plumbing tools, he heads up the grand staircase with red carpet sprawled across each step. He makes his way up the stairs, down the narrow dark hallway and stops before he turns the corner. He stands just a few feet from the pleasure room. The red room as they call it here.

He can hear the moans and cries coming from the room, can smell the stench of sex that whisks through the air. He wonders if you go into that room night after night, letting the men with dirty claws sink their nails into you, feasting on you like blood sucking vampires.

His jaw clenches up as his nails sink into the meat of his palm, his face becoming hot with heat as he imagines you splayed out on an open bed while the men take and take from you until you have nothing left to give. Until you’re just a used up rag doll for them to toy with. He snarls and turns the corner sharply, putting those dark thoughts out of his mind. If he had his way he’d make damn sure you’d never set foot in that room again. He’d slaughter a whole fucking mass of men if he had to. No one should lay their filthy hands on you as far as he’s concerned.

He walks through the long corridor, passing door after door until he finally gets to yours. He takes a deep breath and turns the golden doorknob slowly entering the dimly lit room with pale pink wallpaper. He gently shuts the door and when he turns around he stops in his tracks, hand sliding off the doorknob as he sees you standing in the middle of the room. Naked.

Your skin is soft, probably as soft as the back of a rose petal. Your legs are long, smooth, and enticing. He wonders what it’d feel like to run his long fingers over your creamy thighs. You’re bent over, ass in the air, as you unbuckle the straps of the high heels you wore on stage. Your hips are curvy, shaping your round ass into mere perfection. Your full breasts peek out from the corner as your long waves spill over your shoulders. You’re absolutely perfect, stunning, a work of pure art.

Joel knows he’s fucked now. He knows. After seeing how beautiful you are, he can’t turn away. He shouldn’t be standing here gawking at you while you change, but he can’t move. He’s stuck like glue, an immovable object that can’t be pushed. He’s in trouble, so much trouble.

He loses his balance when you bend over again, exposing a different view of you that nearly takes him to his knees. The bag of bulbs falls to the ground with a large crash, and you turn with a quaint gasp as you take in the man that stands before you. It’s him, the man with the dark eyes.

Your eyes go wide, quickly reaching for a thin, sheer robe as you wrap it around you and cover the parts of you that are completely exposed. You breathe hard, your breath coming out rushed and fast. He does the same as he just stands there staring, no air left in his lungs as he stands in front of the beauty that takes his breath away. And then it’s silence, only rushed breaths and pining eyes.

The longer he stares into your captivating eyes, the more he knows he’s fucked. There was no way he was getting out of this now, no way to back down. He was going to make you his one way or another. You would be his. Period.

[daenysx]

as a person who studies out of town, this was a little triggering for me to write lol. i hope you like it, i tried to do my best with reflecting all the emotions they feel. <3

requests are open!!

my masterlist

missing his sweet baby

your voice sounds sad and modern!aemond is quick to leave everything behind just to make you smile.nsfw.

it's too hard to miss someone. the feeling crawls in your heart like a heavy burden, you don't know how to carry it. it's because of him.

"i miss you. please, call me."

you leave a message to him with teary eyes.

aemond targaryen is the man of your dreams. he came into your life and shattered your heart for any other person who tries to have it. your heart belongs to him, you had accepted this a long time ago.

you are far away. this is only for six months, you are studying for your dreams. at first it was harder to be away from him, to get used to a new place and a new school. you tried to stay strong against the desire to go back and see him. aemond always supports you, keeps reminding you that this is only for six months and then it will be over. still, the amount of time you spend away from him burns you inside.

three months passed and you got used to it a little. focusing on your studies helped a lot, talking to aemond at least three times a day helped as well. he is working at his family's company and he is quite busy. he does anything to be successful and worthy, you know it must be hard for him. you wish to be with him when he has difficult time with all those bad feelings but there are still three months for you to go back.

you can't stop crying today. all you want to do is to crawl into aemond's arms and bury your face to his neck. he is not here, he is busy to call you back. you feel your heart clench painfully. today, you don't really feel like doing anything, there is no class or assignment to focus on. you are free and sad, sitting in your bed.

the city you now live in is beautiful. your life is the life you always want, you work for your dream career and you have plenty of new friends. the only thing missing is him.

your phone rings, his name is on the screen. you brush your tears away, try to clear your throat for a better voice and slide your finger on the screen.

"hey."

"my love? sorry, there was a meeting, i couldn't answer the phone."

"that's okay. how are you?" you ask, try to keep your voice steady.

"i'm fine, baby. how about you, hmm? don't you have any class today?" aemond asks.

"no, i'm free today. just staying in bed, doing nothing."

"hmm, that's good. you needed to rest."

his voice sounds like he still has a lot of things to do and talks to you at the same time when he works.

"we can talk later if you want. you are still at work, i don't want to take your time." you wonder if you sound sad because you can't control your voice this time.

you hear him chuckle on the other side. "please take my time. talking to you is the most important part of my day, okay? now, tell me how was your study group yesterday, anything new?"

you start telling him about the study group but then you hear another voice on the phone. "mr.targaryen, there is an emergency-"

aemond scoffs. "i'm sorry, sweetheart. i'll call you back."

"that's fine, i love you." you can't help your voice shaking this time. he says he loves you and hangs up.

you burst into tears once more. the crying doesn't stop, you quit trying. you stay in bed for hours, sleeping and crying. the emotions overwhelm you and you just give in. there is no point anyway. you close your eyes after a while and have a restless sleep.

you wake up a few hours later, the room is dark now. you feel extremely tired and your head is empty. you are hungry but you don't want to eat anything, instead you decide to have some coffee.

you drag yourself to bathroom first. you wash your face with cold water, hoping for some relief. then you go to kitchen and make a cup of coffee. you clean the little mess you made in kitchen and hear the doorbell ring as you reach for your cup.

you frown slightly, and wondering who that might be. you reach for the doorknob and open the door.

aemond is standing right there.

your mouth falls open. your sleepy brain can't process the fact that he is here. he gives you a few seconds, a happy expression on his face.

he opens his arms for you and you jump right into them. you wrap your arms around him like a koala and bury your face to his neck. his arms instantly reaches to your waist, holding you close. you feel his lips on your hair and you start crying again.

"shh, don't cry baby. i'm right here. oh, my sweet baby."

he cups your cheeks and presses a slow kiss on your lips. you hold his hand and lead him to your room, closing the door. he puts his bag on the floor and looks at your room.

"looks like someone here had a little crisis, hmm? why didn't you tell me you feel bad?"

you look at his face with shy eyes. "i didn't want to upset you, you are already too busy. i don't want you to worry over me."

he shakes his head. "i can't believe you think like this. nothing i do in that company worths more than you, okay? you should tell me about your feelings so that i can be with you, my love."

you kiss him with tears. you miss him too much, it still doesn't feel real. for three months, both of you never had the right time to fly and see each other, always waiting for the end of six months for your sweet union. the moment he heard your shaky voice and worried tone, he couldn't stay there. that was too much to deal with.

he keeps kissing you until he is longing for air. you lead him to your bed, tearing off his clothes desperately. "calm down, baby. i'm here, i'm right here. let me take care of you, please."

he takes off the rest of his clothes and helps you out of the shirt you wear. his shirt. you take off your knee socks as well and stay only in your panties.

he looks at you for a moment. "you have no idea how much i missed you. you have no idea what you do to me. i would leave everything and go to the end of the world with you just to put a smile on your pretty face."

you open your arms for him and he leans into you. he brushes kisses on your soft breasts and the spot between them. your neck crave his attention and he is quick to give it to you. he sucks and bruises, then softens his pressures with kisses. you become a whimpering mess under him quickly.

"it looks like you missed me, too. is that right, sweetheart?"

you nod. "yes, yes, i missed you so much. so much, aemond."

he chuckles. "it's fine. i'm here now and i will take care of you."

he kisses your lips and you kiss him back. 3 months of missing and longing for each other finally shows itself physically. your fingers travel in his hair, his beautiful hair. his hands are on your waist slowly reaches to your panties.

"let's take this off, hmm?" he smiles as you move your hips. "there you go."

he is painfully hard but he doesn't care. he has to take care of you first.

"aemond, i need you. now, please."

he nods. "would you like me to use my fingers, my love?"

you shake your head, "i can't take it, i just need you inside me. please, please."

he adjusts himself a little. "how were you taking care of yourself when i wasn't here, hmm?"

you show him your hand, playfully. "my fingers."

he kisses your hand. "and were they enough?"

you shake your head. "no, never enough. not like you."

"so, my sweet baby deserves a good orgasm, hmm? i think we can do that."

he slowly pushes himself to your entrance. you are already soaked for him, your muscles painfully throb around his length. he is inside you, holding the flesh of your thighs. he waits a little for you to get used to him. three months of agony and now he has you. he kisses your lips and starts moving when you nod approvingly.

he quickly finds a strong pace. his long fingers stroke your swollen clit. he loves hearing your moans, your closed eyes and messy hair. fuck, he missed the image too much, he is not gonna last.

"aemond, hmm, so close- so clos-"

he moves a little faster. "me too, baby. don't hold back, i need you to come with me."

your first round ends with his skilled fingers applying the right amount of pleasure on your clit and your walls clenching around him. he comes inside you with a deep moan and you arch your back as you find relief.

he stays inside of you. you look mesmerising like this under him, all those emotions you feel make themselves visible on your face. he kisses your lips and moves your hair from your face.

"are you alright?" he asks.

"mm-hmm. can we do that again?"

he chuckles. "don't worry babygirl. we are not done yet."

after your breathing turns steady, he brings his fingers on your cunt. the mix of your liquids keeps you wet. he quickly puts one finger in, his thumb on your clit. he pushes his second finger in as you try to move your hips.

his fingertips touch your g-spot suddenly and you scream his name. your fingers are not enough for you to reach there and when his fingers make a great job at finding and rubbing it, you feel like you'll cry.

"oh, my sweet baby. my beautiful baby, how much i've missed you."

he keeps moving his fingers and rubbing your clit. his free hand goes up to touch your hardened nipple. he squeezes the bud and you flinch. he touches the other one then, pressing and squeezing.

"i'm close, aemon-" you can't complete the sentence because he fastens his fingers in a way that makes you speechless. he is too strong, it's almost too much. you moan his name once more when you come, his fingers are soaked from your wetness. he waits for you to find your balance until he takes his fingers off.

he leaves the bed to get a clean towel from the bathroom. he helps you sit on the bed, your back against your pillows. he cleans the mess he made and brings you a cool glass of water.

"come on, drink it baby. i tire you too much, hmm? come on, finish the glass."

you drink all your water and look up to him. "i'm not tired. i feel perfect. i'm just- so happy that you're here."

"when i heard your voice and your words trying to hide your sadness from me, i left everything. i couldn't take it anymore, i had to see my girl."

you smile. "but you were too busy. what about the work?"

"i don't give a shit about the work now. they'll be fine without me."

"when will you go back?" you ask sadly. you need to know how much time you have with him.

"tomorrow night, baby."

you nod. "that's okay. it means we have time, right?"

"yes, and i will not leave until you have a smile on your face. a lasting smile, sweetheart. you don't know how much it hurts to be far away from you and knowing that you're sad."

you kiss him. "today was different. i've never been like this before."

he nods. "i know but you can't blame a guy for worrying over his sweet baby, hmm?"

you shake your head. "no, i guess i can't."

you pull him closer and he understands what you want to do. he leans his back to the headboard and makes room for you on his lap.

you adjust yourself comfortably on his lap and stroke his cock until it's hard for you. he watches the effect you have on him, he loves being undone because of you. you take him inside you and try to get used to the different angle. he holds your waist and guides you.

you start riding him, your fingers brush his chest and his neck. you move your hips in a certain rhytm. he tries to lift his hips and hits that sweet spot inside you. you moan, clenching around him. he encourages you to keep moving. you ride him through your third orgasm that night. that's not an unusual thing with aemond, you always manage to fuck each other until you are both satisfied. you come apart once more, this time it takes longer and your thighs are a little sore.

you lift your hips and take his weeping cock in your hand. you stroke him until he closes his eye, curves his mouth into a soft smile and comes on your fingers. you don't wait for your next move, take your fingers into your mouth and licking everything.

all he can do is to stay right there and watch you. he doesn't know how will he manage to leave tomorrow night when you look so perfect and when he is so in love.

after you are done, you put your head on his chest and pull the covers on both of you. he lays down and you bury your face to his neck, inhaling his scent. "i've dreamt about you holding me like this, all day long. almost afraid that i lost my mind."

"you are in the right place for your future, sweetheart. only three months more and you'll be back, remember? we can do that. we should do that."

you nod, wrap your arms closer. "i love you."

"i love you." he says it the second time for today but this time not on the other side of the phone, instead in the bed with you, holding you close.

"i think there is some wine in the kitchen. or we can drink coffee. oh god, i forgot to ask, are you hungry? i should've asked before i jump into your arms, i'm sorry." you say the last part teasingly.

"i'm not hungry. and you see, a man in the right mind always prefers you jumping into his arms before food."

"come on, that's too romantic even for you. let's stay in bed for a while, then we'll think of something."

he nods, kisses you hairline. you try not to think about the time he has to leave. you missed him too much and you deserve some good time with him instead of worrying and being sad.

aemond targaryen is the kind of man who would leave things behind just to see you smile. he takes care of your heart, supports you, and stays with you. your love for him feels overwhelming sometimes, how much more can you fall in love with him?

you press a kiss on his chest, ask him about his day. both of you know that you won't be sleeping tonight, it will be a night full of holding, kissing, talking, and touching each other. and it will be perfect.

[corroded-hellfire]

Prompt Day 4: Eddie

Word Count: 994

Rating: G

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Reader

CW: Language

Summary: A collection of Eddie's reaction to different parts of the book A Court of Thorns and Roses. Inspired by those wives who filmed their husbands' reactions to the books and provided me with hours of entertainment.

@corrodedcoffinfest

A sigh and the closing of a book has you looking away from your own book and over at your husband on the other end of the couch. Your eyes dip down to Eddie’s lap where your copy of A Court of Thorns and Roses lays shut. A look back up at Eddie’s face, staring towards the carpet while in thought, gives you no further clues as to why he has stopped reading.

“What’s up, Eds?” you ask.

He lets out another sigh and drops his hands to the cover of the paperback that’s balancing on his thighs. 

“What the actual fuck?” he starts off. “Feyre kills a wolf—because apparently, she’s the only one supporting her family! So, it’s some faerie wolf and it’s supposed to be a life for a life kind of thing? But then this fucking creature busts down the door all viciously and then is like, ‘nah I’ll just have you come live with me instead.’ What?”

As hard as you try to contain your amusement, a small giggle slips out. You tilt your head as you look at your husband, confusion creased on his forehead.

“You haven’t seen anything yet, babe.”

“This book has some weird as shit names for creatures,” is how Eddie greets you when you step into the bedroom, just out of the shower with a towel wrapped around you. 

“Says the Dungeon Master,” you tease as you walk towards your dresser. “There are no demogorgons in that book.”

“No,” Eddie counters, “just the Suriel. Nagas. The Spring Court is a goddamn death trap! And that’s even before we met this other guy who I just know is gonna cause chaos in some way later. Rhysand. Dude seems dark and I can’t say I hate it.”

You focus on keeping your jaw clenched tightly as you change into one of Eddie’s old t-shirts. If this was the other way around, Eddie would’ve already slipped up and spoiled something as big as Rhys’s role in the series, but you knew watching this all unfold before you would be well worth it.

“Feyre is getting all the feels for Tamlin, too.” Eddie looks over and gives you a cheesy grin. “Is that how you felt about me when we first met?”

“No,” you say with an over dramatic sigh. “Maybe you should’ve barged into my home and whisked me away to a magical escape room and I would’ve. But you missed your chance.”

You sit down on the couch after dinner and it’s not thirty seconds before your husband has his head in your lap and gazes at you with those doe brown eyes. 

“Hello to you, too,” you say, immediately reaching down to play with his hair. 

“Lucien is a cool dude,” Eddie says. “I like him a lot. I hope he doesn’t die.”

“You’ll just have to keep reading to find out,” you tease. 

Eddie raises his arm in the air and it’s the first time you notice he has the book in his hand.

“Gonna start now,” he says. “I think some shit’s about to go down.”

It’s impossible not to watch Eddie’s face as he finishes up reading the first book. The man has always been one of the most expressive people you know and that includes while reading as well. His facial expressions provide grade A entertainment. 

Finally, Eddie closes the book and drops it on the couch cushion beside him. He releases a long breath, followed by an even longer inhale. 

“So Rhys did have reasons,” he starts, nodding his head as he speaks. “He wasn’t just the asshole we were led to believe he was. I actually think I like him the best. Tamlin’s alright and I do like Lucien a lot. But I felt more of a connection with Rhys.”

You listen to him, a smile on your face. The whole time he’s been reading the book you’ve been anxious to see what he’ll think of the end.

“A lot happens, doesn’t it?” you ask.

“Hits the ground running,” Eddie agrees. “Feyre’s tests were brutal. That worm maze was badass though! And I’m glad Amarantha is dead. God, what a bitch.”

“What part were you reading where your nostrils were flaring?” you ask with a giggle. “You looked pissed.”

Eddie thinks for a moment, then his head lifts and he snaps his fingers.

“That was when, ugh,” Eddie pauses, an irritated groan rumbling from his chest, “when Tamlin doesn’t do a fucking thing to help Feyre! Holy shit. Just sits there on the throne except when he gets to make out with her. Jesus Christ. If that were you, I would’ve been out of that goddamn seat and taking anyone down I had to to keep you safe.”

His impassioned words make your heart flutter.

“My High Lord,” you coo.

Your husband seems to like that, a smirk growing on his face as he noticeably looks you up and down.

“You know,” Eddie drawls. “I do have those pointed Elven ears. They could definitely be fae ears.”

Slowly, you push yourself up out of your chair and saunter over to the couch. Eddie leans back as you climb into his lap, straddling his thighs. 

“Eddie Munson, High Lord of the Hellfire Court,” you say, wrapping your arms around your husband’s neck. 

“Mmm,” Eddie hums, angling his head down to press a few kisses along your throat. “Maybe then you could wear the ears and be my Feyre, let me cover your body in paint.”

“Technically she was still a human at that point so she wouldn’t have the pointed ears,” you say softly into his ear. 

Eddie’s fingers dig into your sides, tickling you until a shriek squeaks from your lips.

“Had to ruin the moment with your nerd knowledge, huh?” Eddie asks with a playful smirk. 

A smug grin lights up your face as you answer him.

“About time you got a taste of your own medicine, Munson.”

[unholywriters]

Demon's Desire - Teaser

Summary: Some have weird dreams; some dream about being the center of attention between men who could get anyone they ever wanted with a look and walk. And they can do whatever they want, and some would see that as a blessing because they had to leave. But look at y/n. Somehow getting away with attracting the most sought after 8 men in the city with a secret no other human could possibly leave with knowing.

Tags: Demon Au, demon stray kids, demon Chan, demon Felix, demon Chengbin, demon Seungmin, demon lee know, demon Hyunjin, demon Han, demon Jeongin, obsession, poly, unprotected sex, male x male, possible mperg, different markings, symbols.

Au: This one is most likely going to be a series in itself since this will cover all of the members in their own sins and sections. As always minors do not interact with this, I wanted to upload this all throughout October but working two jobs with only one day off isn't the best along with many other things happening, but I will try and upload this as much as possible. Please and enjoy and thank you for the support!

Everything was blurry and it made no sense to me. One minute I was trying to walk myself back home, hoping to wash off the troubles of the day and leave everything behind to continue the next day. Entertaining more people just to get the last crumbled up dollars from their pocket and listen to them try to flirt with slurred words as if that would do something to get me to see them after work hours. It was something I grew used to saying no to and waiting till the late hours of the night to finally walk home since some of the men in their drunken state would follow me home. Or the women would tell me they need a boy like me to satisfy them and they can do more than what a man could.

All of them are weird interactions that make me hate working on the really busy nights, but those nights bring me so much money I can live in comfort knowing I have nothing to worry about since everything is paid off in advance when I get the chance. It was nothing out of the normal for me. But as I was walking and trying to get out of the way, a car had came right me, the next thing I knew I was on the ground and could barely move anything without feeling any pain. Everything hurt, it was hard to breathe, and everything was blurry and muffled.

I remember seeing bright lights before everything went black. I thought I was dying and knew this was my time, knowing no one in my family would come and claim my dead body since they hate the fact I get paid to show so much skin and dance for those throwing money to me with nothing more. But instead of me dying, I opened my eyes to see the outline of eight men, their bodies sitting on thrones with spikes, some had blooming flowers, other had dead and wilted flowers with soft embers floating around but I could only see the outline of the men. They all surrounded me, I felt like I was being set on display till with figures staring at me, nothing more else I could do about it.

"Drink the cup in front of you, and you will live. But there is a price." I heard a stern voice say, the main one in front of me gestured. Looking down there was a large black wine cup filled with a red liquid. For all I knew it could be wine. I tried to look him in the eyes but there was nothing there. But then I could hear a deep voice follow after his. "Drink that cup, and you won't be able to die, no matter how anyone tried. You will get everything you want, but you will meet all of us slowly and surely. And we will do whatever we want with you. If you choose to keep living."

Should I be ashamed of the fact that I drank that cup after hearing those main two? What should I do?

[writtenbymisunderstoodnerds]

Distance makes the heart grow fonder (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

It's been a long month and a bit but things are finally settling down and I'm back! Posting might not be as frequent for a while though I'll try my best to get my motivation back.

I started this like a week after the world cup started, but it's finally finished. Hope you enjoy :)

Words: 4.1K

Two years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life. I left the person I was madly in love with, the person I thought I would marry. Leaving Alyssa was the hardest thing I had ever done, but at the time, I needed to be home.

After my mum had died, my family needed me and I needed them. Even though with Alyssa I was the happiest I'd ever been and she was the most supportive, loving partner. It wasn't enough. We knew we wouldn't survive distance that large so we ended it before the possibility of maintaining friendship was ruined. Even two years later, she was still constantly on my mind, no matter how much I tried to forget about our relationship, it never worked. We still kept in contact occasionally so I guess that didn't help. I could never fully let her go though. 

Missing Alyssa may have been the motivation behind packing up and moving to Auckland for the duration on the world cup. When I lived in Chicago, I trained and worked as a physio, but when I moved back, I never had the motivation to do the things needed to work as one in New Zealand. So instead I just went into security. Maybe it wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was easier at the time. 

I hadn't noticed anyone in the hallway with me, but a voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks. That voice is one I would always instantly recoganise no matter how much time had gone by. 

"Alyssa." We just stood staring at each other for a few seconds before I broke out of the trance. The women I was still madly in love with, was actually standing in front of me for the first time in years. "Do I get a hug Lys or are you just going to stand there?"

Alyssa's arms wrapped around me tightly as she spun me around, I giggled, burying my face in her neck. She refused to let me go when I tried to pull away. I didn't fight it though. After two years without her, being back in her arms was the best feeling in the world. "What are you doing here?"

"Working. I got a security gig for the duration of the world cup."

"Well I'm glad you're here. I've missed you."

"Me too Lys."

A clearing of the throat behind us, made me aware of the fact that we weren't alone. Once Alyssa had pulled away, I was bombarded by hugs from the girls that were on the team when I worked with them. "Alright, alright, I missed you too but please let me go now."

We spent a few minutes catching up, but I had to go before I got in trouble for being late. "I have to go."

"Me too. Come by my hotel later? It would be good to catch up properly." 

"I'll be there. Send me the address."

Later that evening, I was waiting anxiously outside Alyssa's door. Hanging out with Alyssa was a sure way to be hurt again. I had every intention of keeping things friendly, that didn't mean the feelings I had for her had gone away or I wasn't already wishing we could be together again. Two years later, she was still the person who had my heart. Getting to spend time with her made the pain worth it in the end. 

Alyssa opened the door, a small smile appearing as she hugged me quickly, "Thank you for coming Y/n/n."

"Like I would miss spending time with you."

We spent the next hour or so getting caught up on what's been happening in each others lives. Just getting to sit and talk with Alyssa again was amazing. After the initial awkwardness, it was surprisingly comfortable, almost like old times. We used to spend hours sitting or cooking together, while talking about random things. In almost 5 years together, we never ran out of things to talk about.

Alyssa was lying on her back, but when she turned on her side to face me, my heart felt like it skipped a beat. She was looking at me the same way she used to, with so much love and adoration. I quickly looked away before the urge to kiss her got to much. "I thought you were in Wellington with your family?"

"I am, but when I found out you would be in Auckland, I thought I would try my luck and temporarily relocate." I blushed, suddenly embarrassed at the confession. Moving to a different city for over a month in hopes of seeing your ex-girlfriend who you were still in love with, but couldn't have, was a bit ridiculous when you actually thought about it. 

Alyssa tried to hide her smile as she linked her pinky with mine. I didn't even think about pulling away. "You did that for me?"

"Maybe. I kinda missed you."

"I'm really glad you did Y/n/n. I missed you. Even if you weren't here I was hoping to see you anyway."

---

The first and second night went okay, I ended up back in my hotel despite wanting nothing more than to stay. We were trying to maintain some boundaries knowing that we would be apart again soon. On the third night though, that plan failed. Over the course of the movie, I ended up cuddled with Alyssa. Cuddling with Alyssa felt so natural, I barely noticed it was happening until she pulled me closer, kissing my forehead as I started falling asleep. Everything about it was a bad idea, but I gave into my desire and ended up staying. Before I knew it, I hadn't slept in my own bed for almost a week. 

Once again, I woke up in Alyssa's bed. Well, I hadn't actually slept much so I was more just lying there as she slept soundly, arms wrapped tightly around me with our legs intertwined. It had hit me last night that Alyssa would be leaving in a few weeks if not sooner, that we were moving past our attempted boundaries and into relationship territory again. It was going to hurt all over again if we let it continue. 

When Alyssa started stirring, I let myself enjoy her for a few seconds before reluctantly pulling away. Alyssa pouted, letting out a sound of protest while trying to pull me back in. "Lys, we can't keep doing this. It's just going to hurt in the end when you leave."

Alyssa took a few seconds to reply which was expected since she just woke up, but it didn't stop me getting nervous. I still wanted to see her, I just knew it was going to hurt. "I know. The rational side of me is saying to stop, but I would rather enjoy this time with you and deal with the pain. God I wish I never had to leave, even after all this time, I'm still into you."

I felt tears sting my eyes, trying to escape as I turned away to not let her see me cry. We had an almost perfect relationship, sure we fought occasionally, but we understood, trusted, loved and cared for each other unconditionally. We fit together perfectly. Alyssa showed me her soft side, something that she didn't do easily. We were constantly talking about our life together, hell I was a week away from proposing, but I had ruined that when I left. "I'm sorry I ruined us Lys."

Alyssa turned me around, the most sincere yet serious look on her face, "Don't ever apologise for that Y/n. You did what you had to for yourself and your family. It wouldn't have been fair for me to ask you to stay knowing why you had to go. It sucked beyond belief, but I understood then and still do. Please don't blame yourself because I never will."

My brain was telling me no, but my heart won as I lent forward, connecting my lips with Alyssa's. All the feelings, love, butterflies and tingles came back full force. Everything I had felt for her 2 years ago came back just as strong if not stronger. I guess it's true what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Alyssa cupped my cheek softly, pulling me so I was practically on top of her. Hands slipped under my shirt, my skin feeling like it was burning at the touch. Yet again, I reluctantly placed my hand on her chest, pushing her away.

"You have practice, I have work."

"I wasn't doing anything."

"Bull shit Naeher. I haven't forgotten your tricks."

---

Whatever boundaries we had set, had completely gone out the window after our kiss a few days ago. I hadn't slept in my bed again and there had been a fair few make out sessions. Tonight I had come back to her room after work to find her dressed up in slacks, a button up and a leather jacket. I was confused until Alyssa directed my attention to the clothes laid out on her bed. "Get dressed, I want to take you out tonight."

"Is that any way to talk to a lady Miss Naeher?" 

"My sweet, beautiful Y/n, if you could please change and accompany me on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening?"

I held back my laugh as nervousness started growing on Alyssa's face. It was subtle unless you knew Alyssa like I did. Alyssa could be sweet and caring, anyone who knew her could tell you that, but there was a soft, gentle, loving side to Alyssa that only the people she was in love with got to see. I just happened to be lucky enough to still be that person. "I would love to accompany you on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening."

Alyssa had taken me to a little beach to watch the sunset. It was one of my favourite things from when we were together.  Whenever we got the chance we would go watch the sunset. Whether it was the beach, park or just our backyard, it didn't matter. It was our time away from the world, our way to keep connection with each other even during our busiest times. 

I sat between Alyssa's legs, cuddled as far back into her as possible with a blanket wrapped around us. Maybe winter wasn't the best time to be watching the sunset on the beach, but between the warmth of Alyssa and the blanket, I wasn't feeling the cold yet. 

Alyssa kissed my cheek, breaking the silence with a whisper, "You know I forgot how much more beautiful your are in person than in photos, which is saying something because you look incredible in photos."

I giggled, pecking her lips before settling back to my original position, "I forgot how soft you actually are."

"You know it's only ever been for you."

"It's one of the things I love most about you. I know it's kinda ridiculous, but honestly, I've never felt more special then when I was with you Lys. You made me feel like I was the most important person in your life. I could do anything with you by myside." 

"You are special Y/n. You are one of the most special and important people in my life. No matter what happens or where you are, that'll never change."

There was no response coming to mind that would properly portray what I was feeling, so I just cuddled further into her. The words swirling around my head. I knew this would destroy me, having her back then losing her again, but I was so in love with her, that it didn't matter because even if it was just for a few weeks, I got to be with her again. Alyssa kissed my temple, fingers lacing with mine. "Are you okay Y/n/n?"

"I am. Just enjoying the moment. Even though I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling, just know you mean the world to me."

"Ditto."

We sat cuddled on the beach long after the sun had set, talking about anything we could think of. The temperature had definitely dropped, my fingers and toes becoming colder the longer we sat there. Alyssa's nose sent shivers through me as she nuzzled it against my neck. I felt the vibrations of her chuckle despite her trying to hide it. "Are you cold darling?"

"Your nose is freezing, but I am getting quite cold now."

Alyssa laced her fingers with mine, wrapping her arms around me tighter, "Me too. I had dinner reservations for us, but I think we've missed them now. How does pizza sound?"

"Pizza sounds amazing. Can we go for a spa afterwards? I think the hotel one is still open."

There was no one else around so I settled myself in Alyssa's lap, head resting against her shoulder as I enjoyed the warmth after hours in the cold. Her fingers traced patterns along my back as I played with the string of her bikini. Everything tonight had taken me back to when I was happiest in life. It took me back to the countless nights spent cuddled with Alyssa, whether it was watching the sunset at the beach, watching tv or reading. They were some of my favourite moments in life. They were intimate and safe, the moments where I felt most at peace and loved. Of course I knew I missed Alyssa, but tonight made me realise just how much I missed those moments. It also reminded me that I only had it back for a limited time. 

Thoughts of moving back started swirling around my mind, but they were joined of thoughts of leaving my family and having to start over again. Honestly, it scared me. What if I decided to do it, then Alyssa didn't want me back? What if we got back together and we didn't work as a couple anymore? I know what we were doing and how we were acting. We're in this weird space of together, but not. 

Alyssa kissed my temple, arms tightening around me, "You've been more quiet than usual since we got back, everything okay?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm just tired."

"I don't believe you, but I won't push it. Just know if you want to talk about it, I'm here."

I kissed Alyssa's shoulder before cuddling back against her, "I know. It's nothing serious though so please don't worry. Thank you Lys."

---

It was one of those days where there was too much going on in my head. Mostly about the situation with Alyssa, but also the thought of moving back. I had pretty much resigned myself to being hurt when Alyssa left. However, I also felt stuck. My plan was always to go back to the states at some point, I felt like I couldn't leave though. My family was here and after mum dying we had become so much closer. It felt wrong to just leave them again. 

"Hey Y/n. You okay?" Julie asked, steadying me as I almost walked into her. 

"Shit, sorry. I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's okay, I know you're busy."

Julie looked at me like I had just said the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Then she wrapped her arm around me and guided me to sit down, "Never too busy to talk. What's going on?"

I groaned, hiding my face in my hands, "Have you ever done something you know will destroy you, that you know you should stop, but you can't. You can't because you are so in love with that person that the pain is worth it because you get the little bit of extra time with them."

"Alyssa?"

"Yeah. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. Even after all this time, the feelings I have for her never went away. I miss her like crazy. Hell, I'm thinking about packing up my life again for her. I know I should stop this, not for me, but for her. To stop her from feeling more pain then she needs to. I just can't do it. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe that is the best thing to do, maybe it would save some heartbreak. Though, something tells me that even if you tried, Alyssa wouldn't let you without a fight. During tournaments, she usually does everything to stay focused and in game mode. Sleep overs would never have been an option, but you come along and you're sleeping in her bed every night. Alyssa is obviously happier and seems more free than we've seen her in a long time. She's more focused because of it. Alyssa loves you, you love her, but you need to decide if the pains worth it in the end, that's not a decision we can make for you."

"Yeah I know. Thank you for listening. Can you not tell Alyssa about this conversation?"

"Of course. If moving is something you want to do, what's stopping you?"

I sighed before letting out everything I was thinking about the situation. It felt good to finally be able to talk to someone that was impartial in the situation. That I could just be completely honest with and not have them be upset or get their hopes up. Julie just listened as I talked, offering comforting arm squeezes every now and then. "I know it's scary and you'll miss your family, but you need to do what is best for you. If that means moving back to Chicago then they'll understand. They supported you the first time didn't they?"

"I guess so. Thanks Julie, everything just feels like a mess at the moment, guess I have a lot to think about."

---

It had been days of non-stop thinking. Just when I thought I had decided on what to do, the what ifs started. What if Alyssa was it for me and I wouldn't ever find anyone else? What if my family hated me? What if something happened again and I had to move back? They were just some of the many thoughts that ran constantly through my mind, sending me back to square one every time. Alyssa could tell something was going on, but thankfully wasn't pushing me to talk about it. I didn't want to talk to her before I had things sorted and end up hurting her even more. 

Alyssa had left early this morning, leaving me completely stuck in thought until my phone ringing brought me back. I was planning on ignoring it, but it was my dad so I sucked it up. We went through the normal stuff, how are you? What are you doing etc until he finally called me out.

Are you okay? You sound off.

I sighed, deciding it was finally time to talk to someone in my family about it. You remember Alyssa?

Your ex?

Yeah, well she happens to be here for the world cup and I've been sleeping in her bed pretty much since the world cup started.

Oh right. So what's the problem?

I'm still madly in love with her dad

Okay, so get back with her. If your sleeping in her bed then she obviously feels the same. 

It's not that simple. We live in two different countries, thousands of kms apart.

You could always go back. 

I can't.

Why not? If you love her as much as you claim then make the move Y/n.

But you guys are here, I can't leave you again.

You've done it before. You always said you would make the move back once the time was right and if you ask me the time is right. We're okay. Do you really think your mother is happy that you're not where you want to be just because of her? She was always so proud of you for taking the chance and doing something you really wanted to do. We'll miss you, but please don't hold back for us. You deserve to be where you want to be, doing what you worked so hard for and be with the person you love. You loved being a physio, you worked so hard to get there, please don't let that go to waste.

I'm scared dad

I know, but you've never let that stop you before so why start now? Being scared isn't a bad thing, just don't let it stop you from doing things you want to do. At least think about it okay?

I will. I have to go. Love you.

Love you too Y/n

---

There was a time where I never imagined my life without Alyssa, but it had happened and it was the worst 2 years of my life. With the encouragement from both Julie and my dad, my decision was a little bit easier. Now that I had Alyssa back, I never wanted to let go of her again, even if that meant moving away from my family for a second time. The last thing to do before solidifying the decision was to see if Alyssa was even interested in me moving back. Honestly, that's what I was most nervous about.

We had just gotten back after a game and Alyssa was on the verge of sleep as we cuddled up in bed. Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up, but I couldn't wait. The nerves were building too much, almost too much to handle. 

"You played great today Lys."

"Thank you. I'm so ready for our day off tomorrow though."

I kissed Alyssa softly before sitting up, successfully getting her attention. "I know you probably just want to go to sleep, but can I talk to you about something?"

Alyssa sat up next to me, concern starting to show on her face, "Anything."

My fingers laced with hers, bracing myself for whatever her response may be. "I love you Alyssa, I've never stopped and I don't know if I ever will."

"I love you too Y/n, but-"

"I know, I know what you're going to say, but please just listen to me. Back then I didn't have a choice, I needed to be with my family so we could heal together. It's still hurts, but we're living life again. Now I need to live life for me. There's not a day that went by where you weren't on my mind. Where I didn't wish things could go back to the way they were and I could be back with you. I finally got you back Lys and I don't want to lose us again. I want to try again, I want to try us again."

Alyssa looked as if she was processing. I knew it was a lot, but every second that past I was getting closer to freaking out. After what felt like forever, Alyssa squeezed my hand, "What are you saying?"

"If you think maybe you might want to be with me again then I'm ready to move back to Chicago."

"Are you sure? I love you Y/n, but I don't want you to feel like you have to or do something you're not ready for."

"I'll miss my family, but they'll be okay without me. I have the ability to come back and visit more then I did before. I'm serious Lys. This isn't something I just decided on a whim. I've been thinking about this since before the world cup even started, but my dad told me to go. He made me realise I was holding back because I was scared."

Lips collided with mine, the kiss quickly turning salty and tears fell down Alyssa's cheeks, "I love you, I love you, I love you."

I giggled, "So is that a yes?"

"Yes. I would love to try again."

"I need a couple of months to sort stuff out. You know job, housing, visas."

"You can move in with me again, one less thing to worry about and maybe you could get your old job back. I think one of our PTs is leaving after the world cup."

"I was hoping you would say that. I would love to live with you. And I'll get in contact with my old boss, see what he says. Can I just say, no one would ever believe your reaction to this. The stoic Alyssa Naeher could never be so soft."

"Shut up," Alyssa muttered pushing me away slightly only to pull me back next to her again. She turned, letting our a quite sigh as I wrapped my arms around her. It wasn't an everyday occurrence, normally I was the little spoon, but sometimes Alyssa preferred to be held especially when she was tired. I was never going to say no to it though. "So considering I'm going to move back in with you, will you be my girlfriend Lys? Again."

"Hmm I suppose so."

"Good because this would be awkward otherwise. I have one more question before you go to sleep. Do you think you might be able to stick around after the world cup? Even if it's just for a few days, I would like you to meet my family in person."

Alyssa cuddled further against my side, eyes already starting to drift closed, "That could be possible. I would love to meet your family, I'll talk to coach."