#my more recent tf stuff has made me rlly happy so. i guess im making Some progress. but. on a wider scale i just feel very stuck

[legofemme]

I DUNNO its like. On a more personal note its rlly frustrating the place ive gotten myself into w my art. Ive been so conditioned to rely on other ppls approval for art that i feel like i dont ever just draw for myself anymore. Like i Cant draw for myself and that i need to share everything bc if other people dont see it then how am i supposed to know if its Good. If im proud of something then i need to share my work but if im not proud of something i need to share it to see if Other people like it. So like. Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[sambashua]

11 questions~ (again)

I did this a while back but i think it’s really fun so thank you @yooncheoly​ !! Also I’m answering my sister’s questions @aegyovendingmachine​ too bc I like talking abt myself ok (bye this is so so long rip when will i shut up)

Kelby’s Questions!

1~When did you first get into Kpop?And what was the first MV / Song that got you hooked? Wellllllll I first started listening to BTS in October 2015 probs but I didn’t branch out to more groups until March 2016 ish. But the first MV that got me hooked was Dope on the Fine Bros react channel lol

2~Who are your Bias Wreckers for the groups that you love? AHAHAHHAHA (this is gonna be so long dear lord) okay soooo my bias groups are svt and nct and honestly?? I love them all a ridiculous amount! so in svt I am stupidly loyal to wonwoo bc I am a messssss and i go through phases of loving each of them more~ I never rlly feel threatened that wonu will be debunked as my ult but probably the one who rlly gets me goin the most is hosh:) for nct I used to bias mark then yuta lol but i think the dreamies are my true bias group who even is jung jaehyun tbh so yeah donghyuck is everything to me. for other groups ! ummm in bts I love them all a lottttt a lot too but I think lately jin and jungkook have mostly been wrecking me? I’m p loyal to monnie tho! okay for astro it’s 10/10 jinjin at the moment but sanha and mj snatch me often enough too for sure~ in twice mina has been ruining my life but what’s new tbh. jae for day6 destroys me way too often someone collect him. in shinee it’s probably key! just bc I really like his sense of humor and I relate to him haaa. honestlyyyy in all girl groups i am high key disloyal and swerving all over the place oops. anddd sehun is legit my ult bias wrecker like at this point he might as well be my bias baekhyunnie is dead to me 

3~If you had the chance to go to ONLY 1 concert and go backstage and hang out and meet everyone who would you choose and why? BOIIIIIIIII um probably seventeen let’s be real just bc they are my bias group and although I love a lot of groups I feel like they would make me feel very welcome!!

4~Have you ever met one of your idols?How was it if you have?And if you haven’t, who would you want to meet and why? omg no I wishhhhhhh but I am going to see monsta x in July!! I am very very excited!!!!

5~What’s the coolest thing that you have bought(Merchandise wise)From the groups that you love? Ummmmmm I don’t have a whole lot of merch but I have the Love & Letter album and the Boys Wish DVD and it’s my fave

6~Can you recommend some of your favorite MV’s to watch? UM IDEK HELP ME WOW okay so I’ve kinda gathered through emma (correct me if i’m wrong ah) that you haven’t branched out to a whole lot of groups yet? Is that incorrect ? idk BUT WOW DO I GOT A LIST I’ll just list some of my faves tho! (side note: i’m not a huge mv watcher i’m more of a dance practice gal)

Day6 - I’m Serious : I’m not sure if this is my favorite of their’s bc it’s hard to compare them all but it’s a really cute and summery video:)

ASTRO - Baby : OKAY IT’S REALLY NEW BUT I THINK IT’S MY FAVORITE ONE THEY’VE RELEASED it’s so high budget and pretty wahhh

NCT U - 7th Sense : This one really brings me back to when I didn’t know any of them and cass showed me it in senior year english wow what ride it’s been (a long ass ride)

Nu’est - Love Paint : THIS MV IS SO PRETTY OKAY STAN NU’EST PLZ

SF9 - Easy Love : This is my favorite SF9 mv bc I like the song and they all look so handsome!!

Victon - I’m Fine : my cute cute sons w their cute cute debut

SHINee - Can I Get Your Number & Tell Me What to Do : cigyn was a fave of mine from when I first listened to them and then tmwtd just makes me laugh bc of taemin at this part like why tae omg

Monsta X - Beautiful & Stuck : honestly love all their mvs tho

my sister’s gonna kill me Zico - I Am You, You Are Me : it’s rlly cute okay i like it AND SO DOES WONWOO BYE

Up10tion - White Night : THIS MV STILL BLOWS MY MIND OKAY

Twice - Cheer Up (ofc)

Red Velvet - Dumb Dumb : the aesthetics on all their mvs are so good

Wonder Girls - Why So Lonely : dude this mv is so good I miss them so much

Luna - Free Somebody : THIS SONG/MV/DANCE IS MY LIFE OKAY LIVE FOR THIS STAN LUNA

(okay i’m gonna stop hmu anytime for mv or music recs damn i need to chill)

7~Favorite Video games(If you play them)? no juego los videojuegos ahhhhhhhh sorry idk i never got into them… i used to play the sims… but Just Dance is my shit also Mario Cart

8~Favorite picture of your ultimate bias? DON’T DO THIS TO ME (okay i narrowed it down to 4 that was a trial in itself jesus this post is getting so long free me)

9~What’s your favorite choreo? KELBY YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND I LEGIT WROTE AN ARTICLE ABT THIS AND IT WAS JUST FOR 2017 (jan-march) AND I WAS ALREADY STRUGGLING okay jk i just realized NCT Dream’s My First and Last was a thing that is 100% my favorite choreo for so many reasons !!!! first the choreo is ridiculous like come on all the cool tricks and floor work is amazing. second it never repeats except for one part at the very end of the chorus repeats once, but other than that every single move is different literally how tf. third the formations are so diverse! especially since they’re an even number (jaemin i miss you) formations are always tricky so i was so impressed. lasttttt they are literal children? how? stan talent stan nct dream (oh also shout out to ten’s dream in a dream that was some lit stuff)

10~Favorite era? probablyyyyyy the renaissance hahaaa just kidding ahhhh wow i’m funny. but fr i am not sure???? i literally stan sooo many groups it’s really hard to narrow it down… but my bias group is svt and i think my favorite era is Love & Letter! (i would say nice but ah wonu) bc they all had cute hair and it was their first win and it was the first comeback i was part of the fandom!

11~How do the people in your life react when you tell them that you listen to kpop?Are they supportive or just against it? lol soooo idk I don’t necessarily bring it up these days ? just bc I’m in college now so idk I only bring it up casually I guess… BUTTTTTT when I first told my friends I was so nervous and they judged me so hard and a lot of them still judge me but they now know it’s part of who I am and they kinda accept that! I actually was the first person I knew to get into kpop so I dragged a lot of my friends irl into it too! (shoutout to @aegyovendingmachine @everyonesabiaswrecker @taeismyking @honestlay ) and i’ve made so many friends through it online and in real life! (shoutout to @atshinee i know it wasn’t why we became friends but it definitely helped make us close!)

Sister’s Questions!

1. Who is your favorite person on Produce 101? (if you’re not watching the show or don’t know anything about it then which is your favorite predebut project? i.e Fantagio I-Teen, SM Rookies, K.A.R.D, Pledis Girlz, etc.) YOOOOO DON’T DO THIS TO ME but my top 11 boys are probably Park Woojin (my most precious baby ilh), Samuel Kim, Kim Sanggyun, Kim Jonghyun, Im Youngmin, Noh Taehyun, Jung Sewoon, Kim Donghan, Kim Yongguk, Takada Kenta, Daniel Kang, and Lee Daewhi (ah there’s so many more too rip i’m crying) idk there’s so many in the top that... not saying they don’t deserve it... it’s just that they’re given more screen time by chance and not bc of talent.... also i’m crying for my eliminated babies Hong Eunki (it is such bs he got eliminated fight me he was my fave), Byun Hyunmin (HE WAS SO PURE AND ADORABLE I MISS HIM SM), Woo Jinyoung (he was such a good rapper he didn’t deserve this), Kim Dongbin (listen he wasn’t the best but he really did improve so so much), ALSO CONSIDER THEY HAVE ELIMINATED MOST OF THEIR VOCALISTS THERE’S GONNA BE NONE LEFT AND ALL THEIR SONGS ARE GONNA BE TRASH I HOPE YOU’LL ALL BE HAPPY

2. What’s your favorite idol group friendship? (Mine is probs SVT x Monsta X or Astro x KNK) YO KNKSTRO IS MY SHIT I LOVE MY BOYS well okay also monsta x svt is a fave also ncteen but I mean I’m a ho for svt interacting with any idols so~~

3. What concert would you most like to see? honestly I feel like SHINee puts on the best concerts and SHAWOLS are the cutest and nicest ever!!

4. Which disbanded group would you bring back if you could? (Or, alternatively: which members that have left a group would you bring back?) UM WOW GUESS WHO’S CRYING sistar’s disbandment was so recent this hurts me... but probably Wonder Girls bc they were one of my first favorite girl groups:(((

5. What was the last thing you texted someone? wtf these were all kpop i wasn’t readyyyyy “STOP HE IS LITERALLY THE SOFTEST BOY IN THE WHOLE WORLD I LOVE HIM” I’m so extra

6. When/how did you get into kpop? bye how many times do i have to answer this YOUTUBERS>BTS>HELL

7. Who is your youngest bias? ohh this is interesting... most of my female biases are younger... yehana, yeri, chaeyoung, suhyun are all 99 line! (suhyun being the youngest of them) but I mean the dreamies are ~basically~ my bias group so all of them are younger than them (also does samuel count as a bias? bc he’s 02 line) my youngest “official” boy group bias is moonbin tho!

8. What’s the most extra thing you remember saying in the tags on a post? bitch you know every tag i do is extra how tf am i supposed to find this???? well recently I tagged this post [#svt #boy wyd layin upside down like that ya gonna crack ya damn head open #he makes me so nervous #joshua #al1] is that good enough~ also my entire jaewindo thread bc i’ve reblogged the same post so many times bc it’s my fave! (i just realized i’m most extra when tagging my shua posts gdi)

9. What is your favorite reality show? (not like Real Housewives lmao but like NCT Life or One Fine Day or smth like that!) oh damn idk probablyyyyy NCT Life and then OFD... jsut bc I’ve only seen three seasons of OFD so idk if i’d like it if I wasn’t into the group but every season of NCT Life is golden soooo (plz put markhyuck on the next season i’m begging you sm)

10. What’s your favorite drama? (if you don’t watch dramas you can just use your favorite TV show it’s fine) Probablyyyyyyyyyy Doctors Crush or Legend of the Blue Sea!!

11. Post your favorite selfie of your bias’! you know my man is anti selfie what is this

this was so expected sorry if you thought I would choose any other selfie then unfollow me now this was the selfie that reassured that my man was on the mend!!

here i’ll post ones for namjoon and jaehyun just bc I want to give them more love

bye this was so difficult he has soooo many selfies what the heck~~~ I’m not confident but this one is for sure adorable!!

THIS WAS ALSO DIFFICULT AH bc he honestly looks good all the time so this was unfair

this was the longest post of my life jeezzzzzz well probably no one read this but i’m not gonna tag anyone bc i am so bad at coming up w questions sorry.....

[survivorsentinelislands]

EPISODE 8: IS IT REALLY BACKSTABBING IF I WAS NEVER ACTUALLY WORKING WITH YOU? ~Keegan

John's out. Fuck.

And the first thing Logan says is "JOSH <3" like bitch I've been working Josh and he knows you were working him over pre-swap like the manipulative person you are. You've literally gotten out all my friends and I'm not about to let it happen again.

Omg! We merged! I'm so happy! I have 2 strong 5 person alliances (3 of the same people in both) I'm in a damn good spot

darians being messy messy messy!

adding like 80 people to alliances and making some is gonna do nothing but put a target on his back, but he'll be a nice shield.

i dont know how i wanna move forward, but darian, sam, and ned seem favorable? i love logan but i know logan and darian arent rlly friends so theyll target each other. who knows. i just hope im in a good position.

LMAO PLUS I TOOK THE IDOL CLUE NVM i dont need to worry about voting, but i want immunity and an idol hopefully

Finally a merge! This has been a long time coming! A lot of interesting things have been happening and it's only been a couple hours.

First, the Old NuAnadaman now has an alliance chat. DARIAN, ALEX, JOSH, CARSON and myself are all part of it, which is super awesome.

Then there's the Old Andaman alliance chat, with SAM, NED, DARIAN, CARSON and myself.

And I talked with SAM who's in an alliance chat with SARA, DAISY and LOGAN.

That's literally every person in the game I have some sort of connection with. Like holy crap, when does that ever happen?? For the time being, I'm not on anybodies hit list. Which is fantastic but also having connections to everyone means that no matter who I vote for, someone is going to be upset. That's not necessarily a bad thing, particularly in the case of SARA, DAISY, LOGAN, ALEX or JOSH. I've never had an actual alliance with them, so I won't feel bad backstabbing any or all of them. Is it really backstabbing if I was never actually working with you?

SAM and NED are the only two people in the game I won't backstab. SAM in particular since we've been decently close since the very beginning. That would make a fine final 3.

What I need to consider is how to get us there, without causing suspicion from other people, DARIAN in particular. He has an idol, and just gave up his vote at the next tribal for an idol clue, so he could potentially have two idols going forward.

Ideally, I'd like to vote out JOSH or ALEX next. While that will unfortunately give SARA, DAISY and LOGAN a bit more power, it also ensure that the original Andaman have a clear lead. After that we can pick off people one by one.

I'm starting to think too far ahead and that's not great.

Whew. So merge happened. I'm excited to see what happens next. I'm glad John is gone, he really had to go. Especially since at this last tribal he kept throwing out everyone's names. We heard him say everyone except for Sam. Now I'm excited to get the game going. I'm nervous people might see Logan and I as a threat since we have such a strong alliance and since we gained a bit of power after Logan played their idol near the beginning of the game. Also, our alliance w the rest of our tribe isn't as strong as it is just between the two of us and I feel like people like Sam and Sara could easily switch, especially since Sara has voted against us in the past. But I'm going to try to stay positive. Logan and I are bringing each other to the end, and I think we can get there.

An interesting choice has arisen. LOGAN, SARA and DAISY are a tight threesome, and they believe SAM is on their side. They are either targeting ALEX or DARIAN. Now, ideally they would target ALEX and he would be gone, giving the OG Andaman's the majority lead. However, it's looking like they might want to go after DARIAN.

So SAM and I brainstormed some plans, where the OG Andaman all vote ALEX, which would give five votes to him, probably three or four votes to DARIAN and maybe one or two to LOGAN, sending ALEX home. However, DARIAN told me he got the idol clue, which means his vote will be randomized at tribal.

Unless one of LOGAN, DAISY or SARA grabbed the idol clue as well, our plan might not work out too great. It could end up being a four-four tie between DARIAN and ALEX. I'm not sure we could gather the support to get out ALEX on the revote.

So I guess as it currently stands, we either need to vote out LOGAN or hope DARIAN wins immunity so we can actually get the numbers to vote out ALEX. I think no matter where the votes fall, I'll be safe for a while. I've got a good safety net with SAM, NED and DARIAN.

Also, my original plans of being a villain are probably going to be set aside for a little while, maybe until another game. I'm in too good of a position to throw it all away trying to be sneaky.

BITCHES I MADE JURY /AGAIN/ IM HERE FOR IT. Buttttt I'm going to win. So darian straight up asking me in class if im going for him is SUS as FUCK. But idc! I said maybe and he told me "lol alex said you wouldn't trust him lol" and stuff like that and was like "lol wish i could say the same" when i only said maybe to me going after him? Like

bitch

ofc im going tf after you. im here to win, and you are violent and rude and im not taking a lower placement than a messy playa like yOU

DARIAN shared the immunity idol clue with me. I'm kind of surprised he did but I guess he thinks we're ride or die together. I'm not going to complain or correct him; it's nice to have people wanting to go to the end with me.

Looking in the forest was highly unsuccessful, maybe next time I'll find something good. I still have my extra vote to use. I may end up using it at this coming tribal, depending on how it looks like the votes are going to go. I'd rather save it for a while though.

The immunity challenge is a flag making challenge, which is pretty awesome in my opinion. I like making things. I've already got one draft of a flag done, I'll sit on it for a few hours and see how I feel about it later tonight. It's not due for another day and a half so there's plenty of time.

Winning immunity would be great. My name probably isn't going to come up at all, so it's not like I need it but on the off chance this coming vote turns to rocks, I'll be safe. Plus who doesn't want to win immunity?

Okay whew, merge happened! Thanks Drew, my fave sadistic bastard <3 Unfortunately, first immunity is flag making and uh I'd rather fuck myself with glass. IM COLORBLIND. DREW INFORMS ME THE COLOR IS DARK BLUE AND TO JUST WORK WITH THAT AND IM LIKE DREW PLEASE, BLUE IS GRAY AND GREEN IS PUKE AND AND PURPLE IS DUSKY RED. DONT DO THIS TO ME. RUDE.

Anyway I'm gonna lose and go home byyyyeeee

Well, I lost the immunity challenge, which I don't think is a huge deal. But unfortunately, ALEX won which kind of is a big deal.

SAM told me that LOGAN and DAISY both want DARIAN out, which sucks since along with SARA that's a guaranteed three votes going to DARIAN. It's possible that JOSH is in on that plan as well pushing it to four votes.

Since DARIAN gave away his vote for an idol clue, that means the SAM, NED, CARSON and myself have to stick together to potentially tie the other foursome. We could probably get ALEX on our side quite easily, pushing that to five but I really don't want to have to rely on ALEX.

I talked with LOGAN as well, and if they're to be believed, we have a mutual agreement to not vote each other this tribal. Do I trust them? With SAM's info, yeah I do. At least for this tribal.

The one good thing about this situation is that Darian does have a hidden immunity idol. It may be in his best interest to play it this vote, just to be safe. Whether or not he trusts me enough to listen to my advice.... well that remains to be seen.

So basically, Darian is the target of everyone from Nicobar tribe, plus Josh who has flipped to us. Darian thinks that I was an outsider pre-merge, and that the last vote came between me and John, and that I'm lucky to be here, etc. He also thinks Logan has an idol, so they're probably gonna try to flush it and split the votes. He thinks I'm voting for Logan, and now he's trying to convince Logan to flip and vote for me, since he thinks that them and everyone else from Nicobar doesn't like me. It looks like old Andaman is trying to split the vote between Logan and I in order to flush the idol, and then get one of us out. What we really need is to know that Sara is still 100% with us. She's being very quiet, which makes me nervous. She only ever speaks in the tribe chat and not in the alliance chat, despite it saying that she's been active very recently. Which makes me wonder if she's already flipped. If she has, at best they split it between Logan and I and then its 3 - 3 - 4, and Darian is still gone but we can't trust Sara. At worst, Sara tells them that Logan and I are a strong alliance, and they go 6 - 4 and I'm gone. So basically, the outcome of this next tribal comes down to Sara, who hasn't answered my messages in a while. Fuck.

I have missed Keegan so much

Also Darian is literally a dumbassjflkjhfsd

I literally can't believe how dumb he is

Like I have seen crappy game play

And I have seen some dumb ass moves

And plenty of times when you just think "why would you say that?" But man I have NEVER seen anyone this stupid

If we had the extra numbers I would just say deal with it and let his ass go

Idol in his pocket and everything

But we don't

So I must deal

whew honestly

Just so you know

Also Darian Blows my mind

Like I know just went on about how dumb he is

But he got dumber

Ok.

Yay we are at final 10

Alexander won immunity. And right off the bat things got weird

Daisy approached me about needing to find a person to vote for because she on the outs of her old tribe But she has to vote by 6pm. So I told her Logan I started planning against Logan Until Logan approached me to start planning against daisy So I'm confused

Then Ned and Sam tell me that they are going to go with the nicobar people and convince them to vote me out. So I'll be able to play my idol and be able to take out one of their key players

And they will stay trusted for another week which will help us make our moves.

So I just told the hosts that I am playing my idol on myself

So I'm going to be the first to say

Congrats on a guaranteed f9 woooo no one else feels as safe as i do

I don't even know what is going to happen but it's not be

I'm also not voting thanks to that idol clue

Ugh

Tonight's going to be interesting

well this round has been crazy so far! darian makes 83 alliances and goes insane.

____

logan's apparently saying my name soooo fuck that

____-

logan walked

As bad as it seems, Logan quitting wasn't that bad. They tried to mend things with me; they stated that they wanted Nehe out because he wouldn't refer to them by their preferred pronouns. I'm using them to be respectful but I've never liked they/them because it's gramatically weird and that's the only reason.

I did win immunity, and it was cut short by Logan quitting. But I definitely redeemed myself with the flags from the first episode :P So I can die happy.

LOGAN has walked from the game due to personal reasons. I hope everything is okay with them. Even though I didn't have any intention of actually working with them, they were a lovely person to talk with. I wish them all the best in whatever they're dealing with.

However, they also makes this game a little bit easier. We no longer have to worry about this clusterfuck of a tribal. I honestly have no clue what was even going on with it. Half the tribes names were coming up and people were switching votes and wanting to play idols.

It would have been interesting to see what would have happened but at least OG Andaman has the majority. We can potentially ride this all the way to final 5.

I already miss Logan crying irl

I'm so shook that I made merge in a game that I didn't know I was playing until it started

im sorry